#Literally equivalent of buying babies idk

[shadowlinktheshadow]

RAMBLING about my silly lu splatoon au at 1 am and at 6%!!

inkling

time

raised by octolings and octarians, knew something was different about him

was part of dj octavios army but escaped before he was put in hypno shades

met wild in the deepsea metro

connected to above, but received his scar by being sanitized (like agent 3, basically)

mains dynamo rollers

wild

octoling

was part of dj octavios army, hypnotized

was an elite octoling

heard the calamari inkantation, lost his memory, ended up in the deepsea metro

number 10,117

met time in the deepsea metro

mains tristringer, chargers

four

inkling

something happened when he was a little inkling and now 4/6 tentavles are colored differently (green red, blue, purple) same with his eyes

main tentacle color is yellow, sometimes fades into 1 of the 4 colors from time to time

works with sheldon to create new weapons (his apprentice, LOVES talking abt weapons too)

difficulty deciding teams for fests

mains brushes, (sometimes) chargers

wind

octoling

fascinated by salmonids, has a little buddy

the agent 4 equivalent? maybe he IS agent 4 in this au?

LOVES salmon run shifts

JUST became old enough for turf wars and such

has a little baby octoling sister

was not part of dj octavios army, descendants were somehow able to escape

mains dulaies (dapple)

(startjng from here everyone gets less developed, im open to ideas)

twilight

inkling

fell into the furry mucky stuff and has been a fluffy boy

<< not as welcomed because of this

so he has claws, fur, more mammalian features

lived in a rural inkling town?

mains...dynamos? blasters? give ideas-

legend

inkling

will literally buy every single weapon, shoes, shirt, hat, and has probably filled out his catalog for the season

had an octoling gf named marin (idk what happened to her, but shes gone)

tip of tentacles are slightly pink

I KJUST FOUND OUT THERES A SEA BNUUY SLUG. THIS IS HIS DARK WORLD FORM

ravio works with harmony (I think thats her name)

majns chargers, brellas (maybe ravio mains brellas)

hyrule

octoling

heard the calamari inkantation at a very young age, had to hide this fact

< once it was found out he was considered a traitor and he was on the run

met legend and lived with him (just thought of this rn, might change later)

tentacles are oddly brown (but skin and tentacles are fluorescent, green glow)

doesnt participate in turf war much

tried working at crusty seans (banned)

mains your average splattershot

(Okay now I REALLY dont know about these guys)

warriors

inkling

fashion freak, clothing style > abilities (me fr)

SNAZZIEST idol on the splat TV!

mains... brushes? splatanas?

sky

(ughghghhf BASICS)

inkling

mains splatana

[the-bjd-community-confess]

TW: Mention of bullying, insults, slurs

To preface this, I want to be very clear that I am pro-artist and anti-recast. I only buy legit and prefer not to associate with recast owners (though I wouldn't harrass them either). This is just to vent because I'm pretty sure it's not a widespread phenomenon.

Recently, I joined a large bjd group (500+ members). I was really excited at first. There are a ton of experience doll owners, the group is active and everyone was nice. Plus, it's in my native language. But then someone asked how to distinguish recasts from legits and it's like the vibes completely shifted.

They started to say that recasts are obviously uglier and deformed, and just looking at one hurts their eyes. I found this really weird because I'm pretty sure recasts are made from a mould created from legits. Of course, details are lost but it's not to the point of deformity? Idk

Then someone started spamming recast doll pics, some with faceups from obvious beginners or bad photography skills, to laugh at. I felt uncomfortable at that so I didn't join in, but some kind of morbid curiosity kept me there as I watched dozens of people joining in mocking someone else's doll. And here's the thing, I don't even know if those were for sure pics of recasts. They just all looked like baby's first doll custom.

And some people also said that recasts smell horrible, like melting plastic, and recast owners can't tell because they got brain damage/nose cancer from resin poisoning. That people only get recasts because they are brain dead and r-slur (the equivalent in my native language). At that was the last straw for me. I quit the group right after that. I was on the group for a few months and never thought those people could say things like that.

The app we used notify the group leader when someone leaves. So miss ma'am literally messaged me for an interrogation. Like, "why did you leave? Did you hit your head? Is it because you own a recast? Was any doll from your pics recast? Do you associate with recasters? You disgust me. I'm glad you left our group." Like sis, your group made me uncomfortable because you guys were mean. It's not that deep. None of the other groups are a fraction as horrible as yours

Anyway, yeah, I just wanted to rant :/

~Anonymous

[sereniv]

Now again, im saying this from a pretty detached place

as in its not me who is theoretically in danger in this specific sense

but the whole israel brainwashing narrative like whats taught in their schools is basically "palestinians are literally the equivalent to nazis and want to do everything the nazis want to do" etc etc.

So when getting in to the israeli zionist jewish mindset, one should be seeing it as Jews fighting nazis. Thats how supposedly they are brought up believing.

But idk. again it can be because i wasnt brought up with the same fears and stories of actual nazism and everything that would cause someone to hate with such...palpability?

But for me, as much as i hate fascism and nazis and bigots and the like, when i see a baby, a child, even one being brought up in a literal neonazi household, as in homeschooled on nazi values

I dont feel hate towards the child. i dont see them as not human. i wouldnt cheer for their death or even seek to kill them

at most, and generally, i would wish that baby being taken away from proven-to-be nazi indoctrination (as oppose to the supposed view israeli zionists have on palestinians)

But I see so many videos and writings of Israeli zionists (jewish specifically) that cheer for palestinian babies dying, that brag about killing toddlers or children.

And its not like they dont have access to other view points, to videos.

I just dont think its based in any type of fear like they like to claim. I think some yes, just like not all israelis are jewish nor zionist nor anti palestinian.

But from what ive seen i just dont buy that the zionist cilvilians are driven by fear that which they grew up being taught to feel- as is claimed

I think for a lot its an illusion of fear? Like theres the genuine fear of antisimetism which is true and real and as jewish people even zionists have every right to have that fear.

And then theres the fear they say they have of palestinians (and those fighting for palestine) that they say is nazi/antisemitism and THAT is where i think a lot of them are lying.

I think they accept that narrative but dont actually feel it. I dont think most feel the same fear they feel with real antisemitism.

And this is exluding actual antisemitism coming from pro palestine side which is definitely happening, and also excluding any true misinterpretation (which that sounds confusing but idk how to explain it. theres layers)

its like so much other evidence ive seen where its one sided attacks and hate in like, Jerusalem where settlers will attack anyone not jewish (like that video of the Christian being spat on which i dont believe was palestinian?)

bottom line, majority of zionists know what they are doing to a degree and dont care bc they have grown up as bigots.

Like white supremacists who "fear" for the white decline, who grow up as a bigot. They dont fear in the way one would actually fear oppression and eradication.

Does this make sense? can someone say it better

Also to be clear This blog is Pro Jewish, Israel is Antisimetic and doesnt speak for all Jews etc

[ihatebnha]

If the reader being with Shoto wasn’t chaotic enough imagine if they were with Touya. Like what circus it would be

NO I’M GLAD YOU BROUGHT IT UP BC IVE BEEN DYING TO TALK ABOUT this for a fucking HOT MINUTE … you don’t even know… 

I definitely want to write about nice!Touya (basically just Dabi who wasn’t abused) more in depth eventually… but I totally imagine him as such a little shit who’s all goofy and everything… like super teasing and embarrassing but definitely a big simp at the same time… (honestly like, Rodrick vibes tbh with his white and black hair and everything) 

I honestly love thinking about it too because I also see family!AU Touya as sharing a lot of the same mannerisms as Shoto (based on how Shoto mentions seeing bits of himself in Dabi in the manga)… Like it makes me laugh to think about how they’re kinda the same boy in different forms… 

Both of them don’t want to be around their dad, they both want to piss him off, they both like their girlfriends (both of which are you)(remember, Rick and Morty in this bitch)… LIKE LMFAOOOO they’re definitely brothers if I ever did see them. 

God tho, you’re so right… being with Shoto is nothing compared to what Touya puts you through when you’re at their house… 

Dude won’t do ANYTHING without you; if he’s not at home, he’s at your house, if Endeavor can’t reach him on his phone, he’s calling you… Like the only reason he ever agrees to go on any vacations in the first place too is because you’re allowed to come… like he definitely gives me big Tik Tok “I’m not going if y/n’s not going” vibes… 

(Mans probably calls you his wife too just because… that’s kinda what you are already LOL) 

Also, just like Shoto, he’s NON-STOP fucking you just to piss Endeavor off… on the bed, on the couch, in the shower, he does not give a fuck... and honestly at some point there probably has to be an intervention. Natsuo and Fuyumi just pat you on the shoulder when they lead Touya away to talk to him about his… libido… problem… 

Honestly though, shit doesn’t even work because he pulls the “it’s a big boy thing, you guys wouldn’t understand” card… to which Natsuo wants to kill him (as if, and I’ve said this before, he ALSO wouldn’t do the same)(tbh all Todorokis are the same) and Fuyumi can’t figure out why he wants her to suffer… (Shoto thinks it’s gross but he’s like, TBH mood)

Honestly, they probably even start snitching to Endeavor… who, even though is highly disturbed, also knows he can’t stop Touya and has kinda a soft spot for him, anyway… 

(Touya: stay out of my business and just close your ears idk)

ALSO like… when Endeavor yells at you both, it’s a little different from when he yells at Shoto because, in this case, you’re both a bit older and it’s really more like a daughter in law type situation (not that it’s not with Shoto, just that Endeavor in that sitch is literally praying you guys graduate college or something first)… 

So if you’re out with the family and whatnot, Endeavor is less so about to yell at you about grades and more so about to make sure the both of you don’t embarrass him in public by being rude or gross.  

I also see Endeavor as the the type of dad who, if Touya’s asking for money, he’s like, “buy y/n something nice, too” when he’s pulling out his credit card sjkdfjas;dlksj (to which you and Touya come home with matching nails and tracksuits and the Japanese equivalent of Cheesecake Factory for everyone). 

(Like idk why but I also keep imagining you all at, like idk, the shoe store or something getting new shoes for the year, and Endeavor is forcing you to get a new pair, too)

And it doesn’t stop there, either… Touya does things like ask you to hand feed him at dinner (the both of you trying not to laugh the whole entire time), getting all fake handsy and mushy with you in front of others on purpose, French kissing in the car, holding your butt when you walk, etc.… it’s honestly kinda cringe. 

(Not that he would actually do this but… Touya who jokes about gets your name tattooed on him just to bother Endeavor… like tbh he doesn’t know what he expected)(Imagine if he actually did this tho… my cooter is wet ngl)

(AND THAT ONE EPISODE OF KARDASHIANS WHERE SCOTT SHAVES KOURTNEY’S HOOHAA… thats’s Touya bye) 

ANDDDDD OMG, don’t even get me started on when you actually participate in family fights with Touya… when you’re with Shoto, the both of you mostly just try to sneak away to fuck… but when you’re with Touya, you guys really get down and dirty yelling right back. 

Touya literally pops a boner whenever you get sassy with any of his family like I’m definitely crying. You tell Endeavor to shut up and Touya immediately has to drag you away because he thinks it’s hot LOOOOL 

(If Touya’s in trouble, you’re in trouble for not stopping him basically LOL)(You guys are the “you got this, baby!” Couple when either of you are yelling

Anyway… I need to wrap this up but… Family!AU Touya…. Yeah…. No thoughts… just him...💙

[genesisrose74]

Christmas with the Karasuno Boys (HC’s)!!

Part 1: Daichi, Suga, Asahi, Nishinoya, Tanaka, & Ennoshita

Part 2 (Kageyama, Hinata, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Kinoshita, & Narita) here!!

A/n: Tumblr said my word count was too much so I’m splitting this bad boi up into two parts :p Enjoy!!

*****

Daichi

A huge romantic during Christmas, 10/10 quality cliche times spent together

You wanna go ice skating? Hell yeah sweetheart, he will make it the most beautifully romantic thing you’ve ever seen

Like straight out of a holiday postcard type beat

Istg the rink he takes you to looks like a more heartwarming version of Rockefeller Center

He’s a big keeper of tradition when it comes to making plans, but doesn’t mind a bit of nonsense fun when everything falls into place

Which is why you love to bring the team along on adventures because they make everything all the more entertaining

At first he’s confused like ??? You don’t have to do that just if they’ve been pestering you about it

But then he realizes you care as much about them as he does (hint: a hell of a lot) and they’re thus invited along for some stuff

Of course y’all also get some quality time together on dates with just you both

Anyways you and Daichi have talked a lot about traveling and how he was really interested in seeing new places

So as his gift you got him a carved map with a roll of red string and thumbtacks, so that he could plan out all the places he wanted to visit

You know how when Kiyoko found the “Fly” banner for Karasuno and all the boys cried?

Yeah

Like that but with lots more hugging and laughing

“You know you’re gonna have to help with mapping this out, right?”

“Is that an invitation I hear?”

“Oh, that’s a promise”

FJSFJDSK ALEXA PLAY AMERICAN BOY BY ESTELLE—

Please I love him; he is so damn sly and sassy I will die with this headcanon

Sugawara

I swear on everything that Christmas with him is equivalent to a Hallmark movie

It smells like joy and warmth wherever he is, and this season only amplifies it

He is such a cheeseball without even having to try

But it’s in the really endearing and heart-melting way,,, just MMM PERFECT

He’ll take you on a walk through those neighborhoods with those crazy light decorations in the front yard and buy you hot chocolate

If he sees a group of little kids gaping at all the lights, he’ll leave them starry-eyed with stories of magic, reindeer, Santa and so-forth

“You know, I’ve heard that Rudolph’s nose is supposed to be brighter than the world’s most powerful Christmas light”

Good heavens, children absolutely adore this man

Anyways he’ll make it a little game as y’all walk around this beautifully lit neighborhood, both of you with a different assortment of bingo squares printed on paper

First one to bingo chooses a movie to watch after getting back to Suga’s house

Will wrap a big fluffy blanket around you both and pull you into his chest while watching the movie

For his gift, you got a star named after him

It’s because y’all alway go stargazing for dates every month, just to sit out, talk and cuddle

Suga gave you the SOFTEST look after opening your gift and this cute little card you made 🥺

“Lets go try to find my new favorite star”

PLEASE HE IS SO SWEET

“Right now? Koushi it’s 11:30 pm”

“Just for ten minutes, and then I’ll get you home”

So y’all spend the rest of Christmas Eve on his roof, sipping warm tea and attempting to locate Star Suga

Asahi

Cuddle bear alert ‼️‼️

It’s basically hibernation time for him, because he’s not the biggest fan of cold

That’s alright with you though 😌 more coziness for you

Lots of quality moments indoors means more creative dates

A whole day devoted to chill present wrapping? Hell fuckin’ yeah

Nice music, pretty wrapping paper, shiny bows, maybe a little Christmas rom-com playing in the back — the whole shebang

You find out pretty quickly that despite how it sounds, it’s actually quite a satisfying and enjoyable pastime

Practically had to drag him out of your living room to secretly wrap his own gift

As much as he’s the king of timidity and soft™, he can be very playfully stubborn when he’s comfortable, hence why he was such an ass to get out of the room

I have no doubt that Asahi would melt for the most adorable, cheesy shit

So you not only bought him some really reliable headbands for volleyball use, but you also made a little coupon booklet

He can basically cash in paper promises for certain things, like getting to choose the next date idea, picking a movie to watch without any objection, having you make his favorite food, etc.

There’s one that he can exchange for a full out spa day trip, because good heavens he’s a sucker for those

Massage and exfoliation and everything — it makes him feel ✨refreshed✨

He was ecstatic fam, I don’t even know what to say

Like a puppy who just got a bunch of toys and a new backyard to play

Mans cashes in one almost immediately, and at first you’re confused

Like it’s Christmas time bubs, what are we gonna be able to do when most places are closed and it’s the holidays?

Then you read the paper

“Free hug (can be used and renewed <3)”

GIVE HIM HIS DAMN HUGS RIGHT NOW

He uses that one a lot throughout the upcoming days, to the point where he just keeps the paper on him for fun

“You realize you can just ask me silly, you don’t need to keep carrying the coupon around”

“Yeah, but it’s entertaining”

Cute little cheeky bastard

Nishinoya

LOVES LOVES LOVES CHRISTMAS

You know the 12 Days of Christmas? The song??

He gets you a small present EVERY DAY for all 12 days

Not to mention he has a big present that he saves for the actual holiday

Y’all are the type of couple to get ice cream in the middle of winter

Nishi loves his cold snacks any time of year, and you’ve thus picked up a similar taste

He will consistently pester you about what kind of present you got him

Gets pouty when you don’t tell him, but in the back of his mind he’s glad because it would ruin the surprise

Anything you get him instantly becomes his most prized gift tho

It could be a literal rock with googly eyes and he’d put it in a protective glass case for preservation

But of course you get him something better than that because he only deserves the best

He’s got this specific assortment of products to maintain his spiky hair and to make sure it’s healthy, but they’re pretty expensive to buy when he runs out

When he tore open your present’s decorative wrapping to discover a huge basket of basically every hair product he ever needed, he got wide-eyed

There was also a booklet of little notes you’d kept throughout the month that listed all the little things you noticed and adored about your precious boyfriend

He nearly CRIED reading them

“Baby, you didn’t have to do all that for me”

“You act like you don’t deserve all of it and more, Nishi”

Refuses to leave your side after that

Holding your hand, hugging you as tight as he can, etc.

He is head over heels idc idc

Tanaka

Another man who is obsessed with the holiday season and everything that comes with it

He is the biggest sap for this shit istg

Will spend hours trying to get you the best present of all time

And he succeeds exceptionally

Mistletoe? He’s got an ABUNDANCE on hand at any time, just to make sure he can get fair share of his kissies 🥰

His signature beanie appears in full force during winter

Sometimes you’ll pull it over his eyes before giving him a peck on the cheek and dashing off in the school halls

“I’ll see you after school, babe!”

Speech = jumbled + incomprehensible

“Uh hUh, you do that~”

He’s: adorable

I just know that he melts for really sweet and thought-out gifts

Like anything you give him he’ll adore, don’t get me wrong, but the ones done with special care and love are just his kryptonite

He brought you into a massive bear hug and spun you around when he opened a photo book of old pictures taken together, complete with lots of cute messages and anecdotes written alongside them

You and Saeko may have also gone in on another present for him without his knowledge

And on Christmas Eve, you dragged a curious Tanaka into his front yard to the sight of a shiny motorbike

It was Saeko’s old one that she’d held onto for a while, and an old schoolmate offered to fix it up nice in time for the holiday at a discount, so y’all decided to divvy up the lowered price and got it done for Ryu

Sweet boy was taken aback, with his hands clapped over his mouth and everything

Saeko patted him on the back as he stood there in shock, giving her baby brother a sweet smile

“All yours, little bro!”

Ya, Saeko fucking loves you 😌 and so does Tanaka

Overall very lovely, would cry to be loved by the Tanaka siblings

Ennoshita

After spending past Decembers with his fellow second year classmates (namely, the very enthusiastic Noya and Tanaka), he’s grown to know quite a bit about the different holiday events that go on around town

Still, Ennoshita is a pretty simplistic guy and is content with simply spending time with you

So when you recommended going to pick a Christmas tree out for your place together, he’s totally down

As long as he gets to help decorate too ☺️

Y’all end up picking a beauty of a tree ngl

It’s SO TALL

And a super stronk friend — fit for the most heavy duty of ornaments

It takes some damn work to get that bad boi inside and upright after driving back to your house

But like hell did that stop you

Now that it was all set up, sturdy, and given plenty of water, decorations were brought into the equation that same night

No rest until it’s all set up and looking mighty beautiful

Okay maybe some coffee breaks in between, but other than that the grind don’t stop ✋😤

Ennoshita is an expert at making Christmas trees look absolutely immaculate

Idk if it’s because he’s had to deal with cleaning up disorder for a while now?

Looking at you, ya second year loons

He just has the touch, fam

He’ll of course let you have input on which light colors, what type of ornaments, and so on

But honestly it’s really fun seeing him fully concentrated on making your tree the best it can be

He lets you on his shoulders to put on the tree topper 🥺

For his gift, Ennoshita really loves books, so you decided to get him 12 different (hardcover!!) stories — one for each month in a year

Along with a small sticky-note blurb on the covers of each to explain why you chose it, and to give similar title recommendations if he ends up enjoying

He was so surprised with how thoughtful and extensive it was

Loved it so much that he immediately started to read the first one, with you sat in his lap

“Chikara, you realize you’re meant to start this one in January?”

“Shh, I’m getting a head start”

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Hello! I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfy but I was wondering if I could get a bit of advice? From your recent posts, you said you left your home from toxicity and just bad things in general.

I’m in a similar situation, but my dad will be taking me away from my mom. And I just know it’ll be a shit show. And I’m absolutely terrified when we tell her and what the backlash will be afterwards towards my brothers and me and dad in general

How did you do it? How did you take the leap? Do you possibly have any advice on how to deal ?

Hello, friend!! ☀️

Thank you so much for reaching out, it means a lot that you value my advice <3

Hmm, okay from what I can tell of your situation, that is indeed a tricky one, but nothing can’t be overcome!

It’s important to remember, though, I was 19 when I left (now 20), so the way I handled things is going to be a lot different than how a minor can handle things (legally at least, feel free to replicate my insane stunts lmao)

Advice below the cut! (family violence trigger warning, I suppose?)

My entire family was and is extremely volatile, and I don’t speak to any of them anymore except for my older brother, but I’ll be cutting him off in 3 weeks too when I move.

Fortunately, my dad and brother were both kicked out of the house years ago due to violence, which left me with my mother, who’s quite insidious herself (just watch any Conjuring movie and that’ll give a good idea of what it was like living in that house lol)

I get the same feeling watching this scene as when I was around her in that house. Granted she didn’t try to change my gender, but the hatred for my father getting taken out on me is pretty accurate lol, paired with the immediate “motherly love” afterwards (she never hit me though, pleased to say — she wasn’t physically violent, just emotionally, financially, mentally and verbally. She did try to run my dad over once though, so, there’s that too)

Yikes…yeahh the same eerie feeling for sure, still makes all my hairs stand upright in memory.

(For further context this clip reminds me of my father and this one of my brother)

In the clip about my father, he definitely reminds me of Frank Gallagher, except he despises my mother instead of revering her. He’s a workaholic instead of a drug addict, too. But the mannerisms are the same. I always handled him in the way Fiona does.

Regarding my brother, I think everything about our family hit him the hardest, despite being the oldest. He developed a very violent streak, and has very poor impulse control. I love him dearly but he’s a snake in the grass, and has thrown me under the bus multiple times to get ahead in life. I mostly just pity him, since I know what our life was like growing up. But still, I can’t defend him forever, especially not at the cost of myself. Literally yesterday I woke up to a text from him asking me to come pick him up because he got arrested for starting a fight at a bar and smashing their windows.

When things started getting pretty bad with my mother earlier this year, I started to realise in my heart that there was no way I could go forth in life with her in it. I focused on the future relationships I would have one day when far away from this town — romantic partner, children, friends etc

I sort of realised one day I’d care about them a lot more than I care about my mother, because those future people would care about me. That in turn got me realising that I do deserve love, despite how my mother made me feel, and that I don’t want her to deprive another second of that in my life.

Something very unique that triggered this too was going to go visit an old family psychic, who’s basically just the Gandalf to my Frodo (ily, Chris <3). He very accurately predicted my birth years ago after my mother was told she was infertile — he got the date, year and time right three years in advance, and even knew ahead of time what my personality would be like, which he was spot-on about.

Well, I went and visited him a few months ago because I was lost with my direction, and he ended up pausing and had a sudden feeling, which led to him telling me that he’d just found out I would be having twin boys one day.

Normally I don’t buy into that stuff, but this Gandalf dude…well I knew he was right.

Knowing I’d have sons of my own one day took me from a scared daughter mindset and into a maternal mother bear in an instant, and I knew I didn’t want any children of mine around my mother or the rest of my family, for their safety alone, which made me realise, “Well, if I wouldn’t allow my own children near them, why do I allow myself?”

I started grey-rocking her in the lead-up to me leaving, which of course frustrated her (she’s a malignant narcissist), but it was a necessary step to start emotionally detaching myself from her.

It all bottled over one night after a pretty distressing argument (I had locked myself in my room to avoid it, but she was still at my door carrying on).

My cat, who’s been my best friend for years, was sitting on the floor next to me, and sort of looked up and I swear he spoke with his eyes, saying, “You know we can’t keep doing this, right? You know this abuse has an expiry date?”

I agreed with my cat and knew right then and there that I’d be leaving that night after my mother fell asleep.

Well, when she was finally done (with threats that there’d be more in stock in the morning, mind you) I went to bed early and set my alarm to 3am (was a little inside joke with myself, since that’s biblically the “witching devil hour”)

I started quietly packing my quilt and cat up (I’d already been secretly packing the boot of my car up with all sentimental and important items weeks in advance, except she caught on and took all my baby albums and more to her boyfriend’s house, so I don’t have any baby photos or information on me when I was a baby anymore, like first words, size and just general things I’d have liked to compare to my own kids one day, rip)

Once that was all in my car, I quietly said goodbye to the old family dog and cat (they weren’t mine to take, not that I could’ve anyways, since it was troubling enough taking Buddy, who’s actually my pet and not the family one). That was pretty heartbreaking, as I knew that’d be the last time I’d see them (I grew up with them and was the only one who took care of them — mother neglects kids and pets alike lmao).

Once that was over, I looked around my house with my hand on the front door and was very melancholy, but knew Buddy was right: it had all reached its expiry date.

I left very quietly and drove to McDonalds for a coffee, as I had a long drive ahead (I had organised to be a nanny in this rich family’s house far away in the city — two hours drive). Luckily they were away on their country farm 4 hours away, so I had time to sneak Buddy in.

The nanny thing recently backfired horribly because they discovered Buddy, which led to more AM escapes with my car, but I’m staying with my older brother and his gf for 3 more weeks only. Something I’ve been working towards for months now is moving to a wilderness island to live in my country’s equivalent of Bag End — a beautiful country cottage, amazing job and fantastic study opportunities.

Best feature yet: it’s 60 hours away from my hometown by car, and then you’d have to take a boat for 10 more hours!! They shall never find me hahaha

One of my friends has also told me recently that my mother has started spreading horrible, defamatory rumours about me around town, but I don’t care anymore because I’m almost out.

So, although I can’t offer any practical advice (idk if you’re a minor or not, but regardless it’s great your dad is helping you!) this is the best advice I can offer:

Find a dream and hold onto it, one that doesn’t involve your immediate family. For me it’s moving to that island and enjoying all the fresh air. It’ll push you forwards and remind you of what you’re fighting for when at your lowest.

Remind yourself there will be other people in your life, whether a spouse, friends, children or even a dog! (I’m getting a golden retriever next year 🐾) And then remember that you deserve all of them and the unconditional love they offer you.

Remember that if you don’t want your mother/family screwing those people over by proxy of her/their relationship to you, then there’s no way in hell you alone should put up with it either, as I guarantee those future people only want good things for you ☀️

There is a good life after abuse, I’ve seen it, and I know you can achieve it, too!

Be prepared for tons of backlash and bullshit — it’s inescapable when dealing with people like this, but I recommend educating yourself on narcissistic parents and tactics to deal with them.

Finding a good therapist who deals in PTSD regarding childhood abuse is important, too. I found an amazing one in the town I’m moving to, who had nearly the same upbringing as me!

So while I’m still struggling with a lot of fear (scared my mother will find where I’m working and living one day) and guilt (I feel horrible about leaving the family dog and cat behind, especially when they need veterinary help, only to then go and get myself another puppy) I understand I’ve done the best I can in a very abnormal situation, and that I can only do better from here.

Also, this song has been a saving grace when going all angsty over wanting to leave your current situation:

It’s from my favourite Broadway Musical, “Newsies”, and lemme tell you — discovering this as a 17-year-old when I was just starting to realise the severity of my situation was pure divinity.

Jeremy Jordan, my beloved Broadway Bard <3

When I finally get my cottage, I’m getting a wooden plaque with the name “Santa Fe” engraved on it, and am hanging it on my front door.

I wish you much luck and love, my little anonymous friend! And please know my inbox is open any time you need anything — vent, advice, a laugh or something else, ANYTHING, it feels good to know my past can maybe help someone else’s present ☀️

Please update me, too! I’m following your story along ardently now! (Also, be sure to take your sentimental items and store them somewhere safe away from your mother — ie baby albums, birth certificates, other paraphernalia/memorabilia etc).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must hit the road. DESTINY AWAITS!

[whimsyprinx]

Anyways a while back me and my friends (one of whom is @therealstara ) were rewriting ouran for fun and like so here’s the characters

Haruhi: a nonbinary icon, doesn’t care about gender roles and does what she wants. Sick of rich peoples nonsense. She’s a freshmen, basically the same as in the series but it’s acknowledged by people close to her that she’s nonbinary. I think joining the host club helps her realize she’s nonbinary and also bi!

Tamaki: just a himbo hes pure of heart dumb of ass and adorable, he occasionally get a hold of one of the two host club brain cells (one is almost always with kyoya and the other bounces between the club) he tries his best and means well but usually just causes so much trouble, the host club is like family to him and he genuinely loves them. Also the daddy thing he does in the series either isn’t done or isn’t gross and is done for actual laughs like, it’s ironic and dramatic and not weird and gross. He’s a second year. Bi bi bi

Kyoya: Not a gross asshole, doesn’t do that shit he did where he pinned haru down because that was shitty. He still seems distant at first but it becomes clear that he loves the host club and enjoys being a part of it! He’s probably closest with tamaki though. He still has a lot of his shoulders with his families expectations of him and all that and is expected to act a certain way but eventually haruhi calls him out in his rude behavior and idk learns about him and his life and haru along with the host club helps him grow. He’s a second year. Also bi

The twins: they’re still mischievous but also mean well, when they cross they line they apologize for their actions and make amends fort to make it up and grow. The whole twincest thing is gone none of that is nasty we aren’t having it. They both as the story progresses begin to experiment with their style more, I think one of them will come out as nonbinary too! They both have a mole on their face in a diff place but they also will sometimes use makeup to cover and move the mole when they wanna make people think they’re each other (but that doesn’t happen as often as it does in the og series) they’re freshmen.

Honey: he’s not an upperclassmen anymore, he’s either a freshmen or at the end of middle school (what is the Japanese equivalent to eighth grade? Like if we went with that route then ouran and it’s lower level school would be connected ig) his relationship with mori is still close since they’re cousins n all he’s still a sweet summer child and childish at times but not to the point where it’s creepy and gross, he’s short compared to other people his age. He still loves stuffed animals and sweets but outwardly dislikes being called cute and babied but actually love it and the attention (again not in a creepy way)

Mori: literally the exact same hes perfect the way he is I can’t think of anything I’d change. He’s trans. He gets nicknamed grandma because idk he likes to feed and take care of the club and others (I’m projecting because I did this in school and would constantly buy ppl food and treats and give them candy and stuff)

The lobelia school girls: no gross predatory lesbian stereotypes that’s gross we’re not doing this here. They’re gay gay gay and at first think that the ouran guys are being mean and awful to haruhi after they mistake something that happened I think or haru and the host club get into an arguement and are like “oh no not today” and attempt to cheer haru up and whisk her away. They come on strong at first but then realize that how they’re acting was rude and wrong and apologize and genuinely become friends with haru while having a frenemy relationship with rest of the host club . They help haruhi feel more connected to her mom.

Haruhis dad: he’s a drag queen, he’s never called the t slur, no one is transphobic towards him (if anyone in the series was the main character would call them out and deck them) I think he may teach the club cool drag stuff maybe, he starts out overly protective of haru but begins to realize that he’s being over protective and loosens up and starts to trust haruhi and their judgement more.

The host clubs primary goal is to make people happy and have a positive atmosphere for both girls and guys and gnc people to come to (I’m sure it would still mostly be girls and the LGBT’s attending but it’s not exclusively for gorls) it’s not as shady as the original club and no hhh gross stuff happens but there’s still lots of fun hijinks and drama that ensues! They still probs do the whole date thing or whatever but again it’s not gross it’s just meant for fun and to be positive n chill. Honey isn’t asked for a date unless it’s by ppl around his age, any attention from people who aren’t in his age range are usually from people who dote on him and treat him like an adorable younger sibling

Basically I’m removing all the transphobia, lesbiphobia, gross relationships (such as the inc*st and sh*ta as well as kyoyas nonsense and basically every gross uncomfortable thing that went on in the anime and manga) still gonna be like slice of life hijinks with dashes or romance n stuff but it’s gonna be heartwarming and fun and not have icky moments that make you wanna cry

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #288

“i never believed the devil was real, but god couldn’t make someone filthy as you”

When was the last time you drove or travelled for over an hour? Where did you go? Around a month back, I rode with Mom and my sister to my mom’s doc appointment. When you get old, are you going to let your hair go gray or dye it instead? Haha, I don’t see my desire to dye my hair wild colors ever fading. What genre was the last book you read? Was it any good? Fantasy. It was very good. Did you ever wear braces on your teeth? Yes. What’s your favorite condiment to have with sausages or hot dogs (or the vegetarian equivalent)? I just have ketchup and mustard. Which fictional character can you relate to the most? Is this a character from film, TV or a book? I dunno, there’s just so many to dig through. I’ve never felt a *strong* connection to any. Do you groom your eyebrows? If so, how? Not really anymore. Do you own any photo albums? Are they dedicated to special occasions or just a random selection of photos? We have old ones stored in a cabinet somewhere. I haven’t looked at them in a long time, but I think they’re loosely bound by time periods. What’s your favorite meal of the day - breakfast, lunch, or dinner? Breakfast, for sure. Who was the last person you texted? How do you know that person? Sara. She’s my best friend. What was the reason behind the last time you shouted or raised your voice? It wasn’t severe at all, but I raised my voice to tell Roman to stop clawing at the carpet. Are you a citizen of more than one country? Would you ever use that advantage to move abroad? No. Have you ever read any of John Green’s books? If so, which one is your favorite? I barely started The Fault in Our Stars, and that’s it. I’m quite sure I would if I actually read them, though. Are you a protective person? UM ONLY JUST SLIGHTLY. Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No. There’s been very, very mild ones here, and the one “big” one (which, mind you, was only big enough to make the pool water barely tremble) that’s happened in my lifetime I wasn’t even home for; I was hours away at the zoo. According to Facebook outrage much more recently, my area experienced a teeny-tiny one, but I sure didn’t feel it. Are you a fan of penguins? Omg yes, such darlings. So intelligent, too. I particularly love emperor penguins. Has anyone ever sang to you? Yes. Are you a good painter? I’ve been told so. Before buying a car, do you usually test drive it? I’ve never been in this position. When was the last time you met someone for the first time? Ummm I dunno. Maybe Nicole’s ex? Have you ever cooked with crab or lobster? Could you ever bring yourself to kill a live lobster/crab? No and no. I hate the taste of both. Squishy and just… ew. Which fast food restaurant do you go to the most? What do you tend to order when you go there? Being the cheapest, probably McDonald’s? I usually get a double cheeseburger and small or medium fry. Does it bother you when dogs jump up at you? Does it bother you less if it’s a smaller dog? Nah. I mean their claws can hurt, but it’s all worth a dog’s love, haha. What kind of animal did you touch last? Was this animal one of your pets? I pet my cat Roman last. How would you describe your sense of humor? Have you ever offended someone when you were only joking? Seeing as I don’t even find myself funny, idk how to answer that. I don’t believe I’ve ever offended anyone with a joke. When was the last time you cried - what caused it? It was literally last night when I was really deeply thinking about stuff I’ve been running from. What’s your favorite flavor of potato chip? You can’t beat the original ruffled kind, imo. Do you prefer fruit or vegetable juice? What kind of flavors do you like? I love fruit juice, but you’ll never see me even try vegetable juice. I enjoy lots of fruit ones: mango (my favorite), pineapple, strawberry, watermelon, orange, apple… Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? How did you meet this person? If you mean via a call and not texting, that would be my psychiatrist. I met him during my partial hospitalization. He helped save my life. Who was your first celebrity crush? Which celebrity do you like now? Jesse McCartney /swoons. Now I’m a l l about Mark Fischbach like jesus fucking Christ lord- Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed? It’s closed. What’s your favorite love movie? The Notebook. Afraid of heights? Kinda, yeah. Do you take a vitamin daily? Not daily, no, but I have to take Vitamin D once a week. Wal-Mart, Target, or K-Mart? Wal-Mart. Is K-Mart even still around? Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos; I don’t really like the latter. Are you patient? N O P E, not unless it’s really called for. Which are better black or green olives? I hate olives. Black aren’t as awful, though. Who was your high school crush? Ha, Jason surpassed “crush” by a lighyear. Have you ever had your computer or e-mail hacked? Did anything bad happen as a result? No to both, but I’ve had my Facebook hacked. Nothing too bad happened. Do you prefer the company of people or animals? Animals, for sure. I need human company sometimes too, though. When was the last time you went to the beach? What did you do there? A few years ago when Colleen and I were still friends. The water felt fucking incredible, so I swam a lot, and then I just chilled with her, her husband, and their then-infant son under the umbrella. I still got insane sun poisoning, though. What kind of milk do you prefer to drink (if you drink it at all)? 1-2%. Skim is gross and whole is too thick. When was the last time you wore some kind of fancy dress? That witchy photoshoot I mentioned in I think the last survey. Do you enjoy dressing up (ie. in suits or smart clothing)? When was the last time you did so? Ugh, no. Too much effort and usually not very comfortable. See above answer for the second part. What’s worse - being overdressed or underdressed? I think the latter would embarrass me more. What do you think would be the worst thing about being stuck in solitary confinement? Being alone with only your head for “sound.” And if you’re in solitary, odds are your head isn’t in a good place, so it just makes it worse. How old were you when you learned to tie your shoelaces? Idk, but I know I learned it the “wrong” way first from Dad. It always annoyed Mom because they weren’t tight enough, apparently. Do you enjoy decorating for the holidays? For the most part, honestly not really. I love SEEING places decorated, but hate doing it myself. So much effort for sometimes not even a month’s worth of enjoyment. Would you rather go into a restaurant or just go via the drive-thru? I prefer the drive-thru. Do you like having your teeth cleaned at the dentist? Yeah, even if there may be a bit of pain here and there. It feels nice afterwards. Have you ever had a gun drawn on you before? YIKES, NO. When was the last time you went to a petting zoo? I probably haven’t since I was a baby. How old were you when you first started using Tumblr? Have you had the same blog all that time? Idr, but I know I was waaaay late to the party. I’ve had the same since the start, though. Are you a fan of Reddit? What are some of your favorite subreddits? I’ve never used it. Have you ever watched those YouTube videos of people popping their own spots or zits? Do you find them gross or fascinating? EW EW EW EW NO. They gross me the FUCK out. What’s a food you hated as a kid but love now? How about vice versa? Hmmm… I only know vice-versa, really. I loved peas as a baby, but now it’s a “fuck no” from me, man. Do you prefer socks, shoes or going bare foot? Bare feet, at least where it makes sense. Are you currently in the second story of a building? No; my house doesn't have a second floor. Who was the last music artist you listened to a song by? Ozzy. Have you ever written or drew something on a dollar bill? No. What was your favorite childhood game to play with your friends? We played lots of things, but I guess "Categories" in the pool probably wins. Basically the person on one end of the pool had to guess somebody on the other side's favorite in a certain topic, and if they guessed it right, you raced the other person to the opposite side. Whoever got there fastest was the next guesser. Where did you get your favorite pet from? My favorite pet of all time, my old dog Teddy, we got as a puppy from a friend of a friend. Her cocker spaniel had a massive litter and adopted the babies out. Have you ever called animal control on anyone? Not me personally, no. I think my mom did when our childhood neighbor's two rottweilers got loose and killed at least one of our kittens of the time; she was livid because it wasn't the first time they got out and attacked our cats, and of course us kids were absolutely devastated. I think they got off with a warning. Do you prefer wearing hoodies to coats? Yeah, especially slightly oversized. Is there anything written on the shirt you are wearing? No, it's just a black tank top. Have you ever been to another continent? No. Do you ever go out of your way to avoid someone? Not really. What was your last voicemail about? I don't even have a voicemail set up, so. Are you currently wearing a belt?I haven't worn belts since high school. How much was gas the last time you looked? I think $1.99. Is there someone who would support you no matter what? My mom, probably. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?I REALLY don't want to think about this one. Do you still get carded when you try and buy things you’re old enough to? I very rarely order one, but I don't really get carded for drinks at restaurants anymore. Do you know anyone fluent in a really uncommon language? Not that I know of. Do you kiss on the first date? This would depend on a lot of things. Odds are though, no. When was the last time you slept on something other than a bed? I've got no clue. How do you feel about the last person you shared a kiss with? I love her. Describe your current mood: Hopeless. Confused. Aimless. Exasperated. Just depressed. Do you think we were put on this earth for a reason? I mean, somewhat, but also not really. I don't believe life exists by chance, so whoever/whatever made that decision obviously had some reason - but not for each person in particular, I believe. I highly doubt something/someone thought out extravagant stories for every single thing that lives. I believe we give ourselves a reason. What is something you have done this year you’re proud of? Absolutely nothing, off the top of my head. What were you doing 10 years ago? I woulda been 14, almost 15... so starting high school. I was in school with actual goals and confidence I'd do great in life, despite my depression being in full swing. Did you ever have a MySpace? Yup... Still remember Natasha Bedingfield's "Pocketful of Sunshine" was the song on my meerkat-slathered page too, haha. Do you think breaks are toxic in a relationship? I don't believe in breaks, period. You don't turn love on and off. Do you have a YouTube channel? If no, would you create one? If yes, what’s your content? Yeah, but it's not one that seriously produces content. Its primary purpose is just to like, favorite, and rarely comment on stuff while having recommendations catered to my interests. I used to make GMV/AMV-type things and mostly Meerkat Manor tributes, as well as various MEP parts because BOY could I only accomplish very short videos. I no longer have "professional" video editing software (I'd always pirated it before, anyway...) nor the necessary motivation and patience to make them anymore. Are you a math person? Heeeeeeeell no. Have you been ghosted before? Would you ghost someone? No to both. When do you think things will be normal again? Who the fuck knows. It'll probably be a couple years, at least. Do you watch anime? If I'm watching television, yeah, I like some animes. Do you like TikTok? Never used it. Do you ever miss Vine? YO Vine was fuckin FUNNY If you're in school, are you doing it on Zoom or in class? I'm not in school, so. But if I was and in-person classes were expected, guess who the fuck isn't going with how serious I am about social distancing. Lives come before education. Would you ever have a pet rat? I've had a handful, but I don't think I will again. Their cages require so much cleaning, and they need more socialization than I'm able to provide. I fucking adore them, though. Favorite memory with your best friend? It's weird, we've "seen" each other for only like, a month's collective time, and I'm not sure of my answer because there's so many. Have you ever dated someone more than twice your age? No. Have you ever “dined and dashed”? No, I never could. Have you ever been cut off by a bartender because you were too drunk? No. Have you ever borrowed money from your mom & lied about why you needed it? I don't think so. Have you ever dated someone just because they had money? Fuck no. Have you ever lied to your spouse about the money you spent shopping? N/A, but I wouldn't. Have you ever flirted with a cop to get out of a ticket? No. Have you ever lied during a job interview? Me? Social? People person? Well duh, of course I am. Have you ever switched tags on an item to pay less for it? No, that's awful. Have you taken any pics of yourself that you wouldn't want your parents to see? Actually no. Did you ever get fired and tell someone you were laid off? No. Have you ever turned in a school paper that someone else wrote for you? Absolutely not. I liked writing papers anyway and am very serious about creative honesty. Do you feel accepted by your BF/GF’s family? N/A If you were an employer, would you hire someone with your exact work ethic? Well, what's the job? Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? No. The only thing I ever did to his car was decorate it for his birthday lmao. Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? I don't think so, no. Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? No. Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? Yes. The guilt otherwise would be unbearable. Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? Ew, no. Have you ever held back a well-deserved compliment because you were jealous? I wouldn't put me past it lately. For yourself, would you rather have a perfect body or high IQ? I hate my body so fuckin much that I'll take the first, please. Have you ever used a false ID? Nope. Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I'm embarrassed to admit I don't HAVE a job. If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? Oh my god no, I'd have to stop to break the fuck down. Ever lie about you (or your kids') age to get a discount? Ha, I'm sure my parents would sometimes at restaurants when I was young. Do you really care about saving the planet for future generations? A LOT. Have you gotten close to anyone recently? Not really. Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? No, but I can assure you it probably wasn't nice lmao. Have you ever gotten a D or F on your report card? Not until college. If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? No. What are you listening to? "Radio" by Rammstein is on atm. Have you ever fallen into a mud puddle? Maybe as a kid. But that might'a been on purpose, lol. Are you scared of spiders? To a degree. Like, I want a few tarantulas but will scream and jump five feet the moment I see a huge spider beside me unexpectantly. I think they are very, very fascinating and important, but I also prefer to give them distance. Unless I have a camera in hand, haha. Do you think that crying is a form of weakness? Absolutely not. Have you ever slept on a couch with someone? Yeah. Last person to call you? Some number from Mississippi??????????? Ever feel like you have been replaced? Oh yes.

[day6andetcetera]

A B O U T M E :

Tagged by: @prettywordsyouleft

O wow what a pleasant surprise brb fangirling in the corner cuz my fav blog/fanfic writer tag me aaahhhhhhh btwily

1. It's your birthday! What did you ask for and did you receive it?

uuuhhh it's been a long time since I've got a birthday gift, the last one I remember getting was a DSLR camera my dad gave as a early birthday present for my 15th birthday, I asked for a semi-DSLR like the one my aunt has cuz it'd have the same controls as a regular digital camera.... But my dad thought it'd be better if I'm accustomed to a professional camera what was he thinking idk 😂. O and my best friend gave me a stuffed animal (puppy) for my 16th and some of my other friends gave me some pretty stationaries, yeah that's the last birthday gifts I got

2. What was the last song or album you listened to?

TDC: Eternity from TXT's recent comeback!! I really loved their comeback, like everything is just *chef's kiss* they really keep raising the level every comeback just ugh I love them. Also Sara Bareilles -She Used To Be Mine

3. What is your go to snack when you're hungry or bored?

Well it depends on what my parents already have at home and what I'm craving, so usually it ends up being orange wedges or dates(and other sorts of dry fruits) for something healthy. If I'm craving something savoury or something borderline spicy, then nimki (controversial opinion:store bought nimki+Nutella= best thing ever, don't hate me for this) or chanachur ( jhal muri 🔥😋) or Mama noodles with poached eggs if I'm hungrier than usual (Google mama noodles BD), if I'm craving something sweet then chocolate (if my dad decided to buy some🙃) or Masala Cha (just Google "doodh pati chai" in case you're confused) and no it's not chai latte

4. What's your morning routine?

During weekdays (pre-covid) I'd *try* to wake up and get ready for school at least an hour before my mom cuz she's sick so I don't try to bother her too much. Also I happen to be very disoriented the 1st hour and a half after waking up in the morning, so imagine trying to make your breakfast and school lunch in that state yikes I don't even know how to cook MAMA NOODLES ALL THE WAYY~~~~. Nowadays, my mom and I wake up around the same time and make breakfast together, sometimes my dad helps too if he manages to wake up a bit earlier. Then after breakfast we do our own chores around the house. I'm starting to hate how everything changed cuz of the virus just.... ugh it ruined so many things for me.

5. What mythical/cryptid creature would you be?

uuuhhh idk really, Phoenix sounds cool maybe that

6. How do you interact with someone that you don't like?If they haven't really done anything wrong to me or mean with me then I try my best to be nice with them, cuz irl I usually judge people too harshly at1st glance . Since I don't want to be like *a bitch* to everyone I meet, I try to interact a little with them to see if my preconceived ideas about them were accurate enough to actually not like them. If they are, I still try to be nice to them, but I try to keep distance from them and not interact more than necessary.

7. How do you define a toxic person?

Someone who is fueled by hate and exhausts you emotionally, affects yours emotional and mental state negatively. A human equivalent of a blood sucking leech.

8. Have you ever been to a concert or fanmeet type of event? If not, would you want to?

Idk if it counts or not but I did go to a concert "technically speaking" but it non-kpop and school organized. Earlier in spring, our school hosted a "Battle of the Bands" after many years where bands from different local schools participated and 2 famous bands from our city were invited as guest bands to perform. This was my 1st concert and it was an open air concert, they literally built an actual stage on our basketball field and the audience were on the football (🇺🇸soccer) field. This became one of my best memories from my last year of high school ❤️ (even tho the pandemic really screwed me over but 🤷‍♀️ what else can be done right?)

9. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?

I sort of do, cuz if you research and calculate well enough is does give an insight into people's characteristics and compatibility with other people really well, but I don't think it's a good for like predicting people's future and stuff, also I think astrology has more to do the seasons that are related to each of the signs rather than the constellations of your sun sign.

10. If you only had one sense (hearing, touch, sight, etc...), which would you want?

I can barely function properly with all of my working senses how'd y'all expect me to work with one???? But if I had to choose, it might be touch.

11. Who is your favorite celebrity or idol?

Sushant Singh Rajput (rest in peace 😔), Park Jaehyung of Day6 and Bebe Rexha okie I'll stop before this gets too long

12. If you could talk to your favorite celebrity for a limited time, what would you tell them?

If it's someone I really admire, for example Day6 / Stray kids, then firstly I'd try not freak out and have a normal conversation with them and tell them how their music has helped me and how as their fan I recognize their hardwork and I'm proud of them and their efforts and that I want to see them as they can possibly be in this lifetime.

13. I'm taking you out on a date and it's your choice. Where are we going and what are we doing?

This is assuming that we've known each other at least as friends/ as acquaintances so I'd go for a lunch or coffee date followed by movie at a theater. I want a date where we can talk to each other freely and listen each other's ideas, life stories, etc. Like really getting to know each other as much as possible.

14. Do you like sweet or savory foods?

Sweet!

15. Do you have any band merchandise or merchandise from any of your favorite artists? If so, what?

Nope, not yet. I'd prefer to buy stuff like that with my own money when I have a job

Tagging: (if you you don't want to do this it's okay) @phyziks @minniemao @wonpeeler @soft-black-teabag @baby-bumblebean @sllkicker @sungjinparkian @goodwriterwithbadhabits @taeguboi @moonriseth @tiernamente and if anyone else is interested, consider yourself tagged!

[aonrivers]

Pregnancy, Birth, Postpartum, and Baby Time! (TMI warning) - Part 01

Recently I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. For nine months I read articles and expectations of things to happen and to come, but honestly nothing prepared me for the truth of it all. Sure my friends told me some stuff, but nothing like what I experienced.

I’ve decided to write the nitty gritty of it all along with tips for new moms that I wish I had too. This is going to be major TMI, but when you've given birth, nothing seems like TMI anymore - especially because in the labor room you've got about ten people you've never met before (yes, even your doctor) staring at your asshole and your crotch. With introductions out of the way, are you ready? Here we go!

Part 1 of IDK how many...

Truths about being pregnant:

1) First and foremost... Officially remove negative people in your life the moment that stick says positive. This is Tip #1. I planned on doing this for months before I got pregnant but being pregnant pushed me to do it sooner. I was tired of being stressed out and having negative things told me by certain people in my life and I wasn't going to have it continue during one of the most stressful and most beautiful times of my life. I closed the door on many friendships during my first few weeks and even though it still bugs me that I had to do it, I'm glad I did and recommend others to do the same (even when you aren't pregnant). 2) Tip #2 I can offer is either before or during your pregnancy, plan a vacation. I was on vacation when I got pregnant and planned a trip with my best friend when I hit mid third trimester (would've been sooner but 2020 was a hellish year for the world). 3) I bought a belly book after a few weeks of finding out I was pregnant. My friend recommended it and it was really cool to document every week and my thoughts and post my belly bump pictures, but then second trimester hit and the book was wrong... I ignored it until the third trimester hit and it was wrong again. What was wrong with it? They claimed my trimesters started in certain weeks that were 2-3 weeks off. I Googled my trimesters and checked multiple sites - the book was wrong. So I finally said screw it and created my own. I bought a scrapbook (use a Michael's coupon, that shit is expensive) and I began to craft my own book. 4) A huge suggestion: take those belly bump pictures!! It sounds silly but it's super cool to have. Not only do you get to see your belly growing, but you can put those pictures in your scrapbook like I did. I took the same pose in the same place every Friday. Then I found a really cool app that you could put words on your images and ended up doing that for my Instagram posts. 5) My 3rd tip is make sure you have a really good relationship with your doctor and they believe in the same things you do. I think this is important because I wasn't happy with the thought of being pregnant with my normal doctor then I ended up not being happy half the time with the doctors I went to while pregnant. I wish I had that doctor patient relationship you think every pregnant lady has. I kind of had that with my crazy, beady-eyed doctor I had seen for thirteen years, but when it came time to have a child, she just didn't align with me. She was pro everything I'm not and became a little too radical for me. Be who you wanna be, believe and think what you wanna believe and think, but don't push that shit on me - and that's the direction she started going. So in the end, I left her and went with my friend's doctor... Who happened to have 5+ doctors and a midwife.... Midwife was cool and maybe two of the doctors, but the rest I wasn't a fan of. I didn't even know the doctor who I gave birth with and it was very impersonal with the doctors I saw during the checkups. For example: one doctor would come in, glance at me, talk to me while staring at the computer screen, then leave. I also didn't get ultrasounds done with them, only heartbeat checks. It just wasn't a journey with them like I thought it would be and should've had. Now speaking of those sweet black and white first photos... 6) Sonograms are beautiful things to have. I got a nice picture frame for my second trimester image and have it on my dresser with a cute doll and my childhood music box. Treasure these little pictures. Take pictures of them to keep and reprint because the ink will fade on the ones the tech gives you, but for the love of God, hide your personal information when you post them. Sonograms say your name and birthdate, along with where you got the picture taken then more information on your child. It irks me to no end when people post this online. Especially on Twitter, which is a public forum. Shit. I didn't even post that on my private Instagram. 7) Next Tip: Call insurance to confirm multiple things, such as: what's covered during pregnancy/hospital stay/postpartum, if the hospital is covered, and if your Pediatrician is in network. Just because the office says "yes we take Aetna/UHC" doesn't mean they're in network. 8) Something that I will be telling everyone I know who is pregnant (which honestly isn't many) is scourge the internet for those pregnancy sites. Most sites and stores offer sample boxes. If you start a registry, they send you one too. Try: Amazon, Babylist, BuyBuyBaby, Walmart, Target... The list goes on. Check What To Expect's website for a list of all the sample box sites. I got about ten boxes that all had great stuff inside: bottles, pacifiers, breast milk pouches, diapers, lotion/shampoo samples, wipes, pads, and a few other smaller things. I honestly haven't used any of it, but plan to soon. 9) A great tip my friend told me was to go on those breast pump sites and check to see if your insurance is covered. My insurance ended up covering up to $300 for a breast pump. Of course I went with a $300 breast pump and paid an extra $30 out of pocket to have a few more parts included in my purchase. It was a great idea and is highly recommended for new moms to take advantage of! (I went with Spectra for a few reasons... It's definitely quieter than the Medela pump (the hospital had this one), and there's a nifty nightlight on the pump handle with two settings. It's super useful and I actually use the nightlight feature every night...) 10) Another great tip is to make that baby registry and share it!! People you don't expect will buy stuff. I used Amazon and got a bunch of perks. After my shower, I bought the rest of my stuff with the discounts Amazon offers. It was 2 bulk orders where both had 15% off entire order. I also get discounts on diapers for a year or, I think, the equivalent of $600 spent. Both perks were extremely helpful. 11) FYI, pregnancy is ten months, not nine. They tell you this in articles on The Bump and What To Expect, but I figured I'd say it anyways. 12) You won't miss your period during this time. I sure don't. 21 years so far is long enough for me. 13) The nausea is real and it sucks. It gets to the point where you don't wanna try for baby number two because you're just so over it after being sick for three months straight. 14) Nausea doesn't mean you're hanging over the toilet bowl throwing up the only food that doesn't make you sick. You can just have that knot in your throat all day that's teasing you about having to throw up. Not fun. 15) Being tired is also real and I have no idea how working moms-to-be do it. I work from home, so taking power naps was easy to do. Most of the time, I couldn't keep my eyes open. And it took about three months to find out why... (see next number) 16) YOU'RE NOT ONLY GROWING A HUMAN INSIDE YOU BUT A FREAKING ORGAN TOO!! That's right folks. The placenta isn't just chilling inside you waiting for the day you get pregnant. It's growing right alongside your little baby, taking your nutrients and energy so it can form and power up your little embryo/fetus. 17) If you're a vivid dreamer like me, the dreams are definitely weird. They tell you this, but for me, my dream self becomes pregnant too. I literally went through my dreamworlds pregnant. 18) Boobs hurting is an understatement. My boobs hurt so badly from the hormones and getting ready for milk that I didn't even wanna touch them when I was showering. 19) Your boobs become hideous. I have small breast - a nearly A has been my measurement in the past, but becoming pregnant, I became a large B - probably going into a small C cup. And not only did the boob itself get bigger and veinier, but the nipples got bigger and darker (confirmed by my friends, doctor, and websites that women experience this change). I honestly don't recognize my boobs anymore. I also don't even know why I wanted bigger boobs growing up. They suck. It's not the backaches (I didn't have any while pregnant, surprisingly), it's the fact that when you sleep on your side, that boob gets crushed and goes numb. 20) Boobs leak as they start forming that first collection of milk aka colostrum. So be aware. Being braless is great but those milk stains aren't cute. And it's not like a normal wet spot either where your nipples are. It's a wet stain with a milky ring around it making it totally unattractive. 21) Your nipples will become numb aka no stimulation. At least for me. My nipples are still numb but I guess it goes without saying why (think about it). 22) On websites, they will tell you that your cervix swells and some women enjoy sex more with their new closed off vagina, but not for me. It hurt to do anything down there. My husband and I had one position available and when the bump got bigger, we became celibate. And boy does the guilt take over... So expect this to happen - you're not alone if it does. 23) Your sex drive may be gone. As I said above, I swelled up down there and it was very painful having sex. With that, the sex drive was killed. My poor hubby suffered through these nine months and continued to suffer after birth because- well I'll get to why suffering continues after birth later. 24) Craving food may not happen for you. I didn't crave anything unusual. The only thing I ate on a daily basis were two English muffins with butter. On weekly basis I had three scrambled eggs on those two English muffins. This occurred maybe 2-3 times a week. Other than that, my "cravings" were the same. I wanted Taco Bell and all the other normal stuff I ate when not pregnant. 25) Paranoia for what you're eating will definitely hit you. Guilt will too. Paranoia because you're checking Google to see if you were allowed to eat that pasta with garlic sauce; and guilt because you're eating crappy junk food and feel like you're depriving your baby of nutrients. But like my friend told me, your body provides the baby what it needs and to stop being paranoid. Also those prenatals pack a punch in vitamins. 26) This isn't really nitty gritty or a tip... it's just something I personally did while pregnant and that was - I stayed away from the foods they tell you to like the high mercury fish and cold cuts, but I ate hot dogs and medium cooked beef. But those meats were cooked 170°+ which they recommend if you wanna eat your normal foods. You can also eat cold cuts but it's highly recommended they're warmed up. These meats contain listeria which is something we can defeat by ourselves but our little babies in the womb have difficulty in doing. Another thing I did in regards to food was I stayed away from foods I was allowed to eat but made me sick when I wasn't pregnant. I just didn't want to deal with the sickness. 27) Sleep however tf you want to sleep and that's exactly what I did. Sleeping on my side is not something I do when not pregnant and certainly didn't happen while pregnant. That is, not until the last month or two. I'll elaborate... I'm a back sleeper. I slept on my back and felt my baby every night tucking into one side of my belly because it was comfortable for her. It wasn't until those last months where the weight of my baby was actually pushing on my spine and yes you can feel it. It's a heavy pain that forces you to side sleep. 28) Those pregnancy pillows are shit. Seriously. They're bulky and annoying. My friend bought me a super nice one that went under the head, down the back, and cupped between the legs and I used it for five minutes. I'll find use for it one of these days - maybe gift it to my friend who is due in April - but right now it's just taking up space downstairs. I tried the slanted pillow for my belly. That lasted a month. What did it for me was that silly "As Seen On TV" pillow. It's that white, guitar pick looking pillow you shove between your knees to keep your legs leveled and your spine straight. That's literally the only pillow that helped me when my belly got huge. My bed worked out in my favor cupping my bump. 29) Being pregnant in the summer isn't that bad. Granted I had AC/Central Air the entire time. But seriously... You know why it also wasn't so bad? I could wear tank tops and dresses. Those were my maternity clothes. I bought maternity leggings for $4 when Kohl's had them on sale. They sucked. The belly piece went over the belly nicely, but the back road my back fat in a very uncomfortable way (and I don't really have back fat). Also, flip flops were my Godsend. When my feet swelled, flip flops were all I wore. Can't do that in the colder months! 30) I basically became a heater. Probably because I gained 4lbs of blood and water and a baby and whatever else was going on in my body. I normally sleep with a fleece blanket and a comforter; even in the summer. I could only use my fleece blanket while pregnant. I was surprisingly warm enough. Which leads me to the next sleeping factor... 31) Sleeping naked was a must. Here's why... Besides being hot all the time, waistbands hurt me and shirts bugged the crap outta my body. 32) Being commando all the time was a must. It was super nice being commando. I didn't have to worry about a period making a grand entrance and the waistband and around my thighs weren't hurting. 33) A nice buying tip: the baby grows super fast. And if your baby is born in the fall or winter, chances are the stores only have summer clothes. So make sure you get those larger outfits for the months to come! 34) Ask for larger clothes for that baby shower. It'll help down the road. 35) Shaving stops when you can no longer see down there and when you can no longer bend comfortably to shave your legs. Of course that didn't stop me before I went to the hospital. I cleaned up the best I could from the belly button down, but still managed to miss that one spot on my damn kneecap! 36) Back to baby... Flutters start being felt really early. Feels like gas but it's the baby. They say 16 weeks but I was feeling the flutters at 12 weeks. After the flutters came the kicks and jabs, and the constant wondering if I had a mini Mike Tyson in my belly. Especially when my belly would convulse like she was using my organs as a punching bag. I came across only one random article that explained what that was... Hiccups. Yes, the baby gets hiccups in utero and if your baby is like mine, the damn things continue outside the womb annoying your little bundle of joy like your own hiccups annoy you. 37) Sometimes you'll panic when you don't feel the baby moving much. Babies in the womb still need sleep I was told. If you get no movement at all within 24 hours no matter what you do then definitely call your doctor. (Your doctor should tell you this during a visit.) 38) I was told this: babies hear you and mostly everything around you outside the womb. This is true. My baby would move from her comfy right side to the left just to get closer to where my husband was talking to her. 39) Third trimester is when everything starts getting real, possibly painful, and definitely the feeling of "I'm over this". They mention this on those websites and they're not joking. 40) Every night I popped two tums just to keep the acid reflux down and the heartburn away. They say major heartburn means you've got a hairy baby and they weren't kidding (more on this later). 41) Waddling actually does occur. At first I felt like I was just doing it because I'm pregnant and subconsciously I'm making fun of pregnant ladies you see in movies. But you really do waddle and wonder if your walk will ever be the same again. (Spoiler: it does.) 42) My feet and legs swelled by my 8th month. They were slowly swelling into the third trimester but it was super noticeable towards the end. But I also ran into a health issue which I'll get to later... The swelling actually hurts. It feels like you're walking on water bags and on top of that, the bottom of your feet feel like you walked all of Disney World nonstop for a week straight. Do yourself a favor and put your feet up and rest. I hardly did this. I just had so much stuff I wanted to get done and I don't like asking for help, so I did everything myself until it got to the point where my husband or mother-in-law were yelling at me. 43) Getting a cold while pregnant sucks. Coughing and blowing your nose is kind of hard because you start to worry that your upsetting your baby. Plus, now you gotta think about medicine. What's safe and should you even bother... Luckily your doctor gives a list of safe medications. 44) Swelling in the feet could be something completely different than just the normal "things to expect in your third trimester" so be aware and prepared for problems that can arise that you weren't expecting. Like what happened to me. Even though those monthly appointments turned weekly get annoying, especially when you gotta drive thirty minutes to your appointments, they're not pointless. In week 38 I had protein in my urine and my blood pressure was high. The protein was not a UTI like what I got when I conceived back in December. That protein was a glimpse into something pretty scary if not caught early during pregnancy. It's called pre-eclampsia. Luckily I was two weeks out from my due date so inducing me wasn't too big of an issue. My baby was fully grown. Only way to get rid of pre-eclampsia is to remove the placenta - hence the early birth of my baby. But some mom's aren't this lucky and lemme tell you something. This was something that was never brought up to me during my doctor visits or on the websites I visited. They don't tell you that pre-eclampsia can happen at any point or that it could come back, and possibly worse, in your next pregnancies until you've been tested positive for it. I was in the hospital for five days after giving birth. My kidneys, heart, and platelets were all affected. Thank God I'm cleared now, but knowing about this ahead of time would've been nice. I could've looked for signs which were massive swelling in legs and feet (luckily I had no headaches or blurry vision). But like I said, I was tested positive late in the game. Some mother's aren't. Part 02 will go into labor and the TMI things that go on when you're admitted into the hospital.

[pharaohsparklefists]

How about some Trauma Time~~? It’s part 2 of Episode 116, wherein so far, Noah has really pissed me off and Kaiba has...

Fallen down.

So Noah has a brainwashed Mokuba on his side and Yugi had reminded Kaiba that he, Yugi, got through to brainwashed!Jounouchi by reminding him VERBALLY of their bond, and suggests Kaiba does this. Kaiba mentally corrects this to “remind him of our bond ... with a card in this card game” and silently pulls cards for two full turns hoping to get a card that might remind Mokuba of their bond, but does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE to facilitate this process and is about to fucking lose and die. Yugi is a patient person who believes in letting people come to their own emotional growth, but apparently there’s a limit to the amount of card-game-related stubborn self-sabotage even he will put up with because he finally just yells at Mokuba himself...

“DOES THIS SEEM OKAY TO YOU???”

amazingly, this works way better than Kaiba’s strategy of Try Absolutely Nothing At All!!

“god can you imagine if his actual brother had even slightly tried to get through to him? this bullshit wouldn’t be working at all!”

But lo! Kaiba is back on familiar ground! Yugi is succeeding at something and that means Kaiba wants to oUTDO HIM! He finally, fucking FINALLY, starts using his mouth-words to make his feelings be on the outside instead of the inside so Mokuba might actually fucking become cognisant of them

WAS THAT SO HARD you poor traumatised disaster?

He remembers back to the day Mokuba sent him the trading cards - which he immediately dismisses as “trash” by the way in case you’d forgotten that lil tidbit! - and drew him a picture of the Blue Eyes White Dragon that he would someday own. possessively. and almost kill an old man for. but whatever.

</3 For all his brave talk and bitter stubbornness, Kaiba admits aloud here that he came very close to giving up, in the “hell” that was the Kaiba mansion under Gozaburo’s reign, and that it was Mokuba’s love and loyalty and questionable card design skills that kept him going.

Now that he’s started with the emotional unloading, it’s like ten years’ worth all come out at once.

This is such a touching and sweet and vulnerable expression and I really REALLY thought he was going to say “that someday we’d get through it together...” or “that I would always look out for you like you looked out for me...” or even “that as long as I had you I’d never give up...” or something but NOPE he says “that someday I would own the REAL Blue Eyes White Dragon AHAHAHA” like o.kay. buddy you are the emotional equivalent of a fire in a nuclear containment facility honestly sort your entire shit out.

THEN he says

oh honey. If there was ever a line that summed up “Seto Kaiba is a traumatised teenage boy play-acting his idea of an adult corporate executive” it would be this. “Which of these trading cards is the one that the most powerful adult would own?” is such a FUNDAMENTALLY flawed question! It’s like asking “which Spiderman lunchbox would mark me as the most grown-up person?” or “which teddybear really tells people I’m a serious, ruthless person?”. Nothing you buy or own makes you a “real man” or a grownup, and this particular thing is a genre of item that isn’t even associated with being an adult or a man or powerful! At least if you want to go down this ill-conceived route, go for fast cars or expensive watches.

And he doesn’t just say it, he really runs with it as a theme!

“Can anyone really deserve a trading card?”

He draws again, real last-chance high-stakes emotionally-vulnerable shit, you know how it is, and...

... he’s so nervous his eyes are closed and he cracks one open to squint at it!! So fucking cute!!

Did he draw the One Card he needed on the It All Comes Down To This Last Draw last draw? I’ll let you DRAW your own conclusions.

Okay so Noah has activated THREE Deck Master abilities and Kaiba FINALLY activates his and I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS. He literally says this, then says “Dimension Dragon counts as two sacrifices” then summons the Blue Eyes and idk if that IS Kaiser Sea Horse’s Deck Master Ability or if that’s just an ability of Dimension Dragon and anyway, colour me Very Underwhelmed compared to Noah’s fucking monstrosity-boat.

Kaiba does his very bestest Magical Girl / Marilyn Monroe Standing Over A Grate impression, and summons the -- you know what, you can figure it out.

Over the course of this rather weird emotionally open monologue from Kaiba, which culminates in this Duel Monsters move, Mokuba has been remembering his sealed memories, including...

Being really really fucking tiny apparently if that’s supposed to be the same exact Duel Monsters card sized drawing of Blue Eyes that he sends Seto, which it is otherwise identical to. Like what the fuck? 

If the width of that page is the width of a standard YGO card, 59 mm (no I didn’t know that off the top of my head) then Mokuba’s head and chest are about that wide at the widest and if we look at his whole body...

and those lines are ~6 cm, I’d estimate he’s less than 30 cm tall (11.8 inches, Americans), which is the length of a standard school ruler. A newborn baby is considered within the “normal” range if they’re 46 - 56 cm long/tall so Mokuba is depicted here as being slightly smaller than a premature newborn infant. So there’s your unsettling YGO calculations for the day.

Anyway pixie!Mokuba is also hallucinating WILDLY and imagines the dragon coming out of his drawing and flying off with Mokuba on her back...

which is just about as classic an escapist fantasy as they come. Seto - smiling, affectionate, big-brother Seto - materialises behind Mokuba on the dragon

and they fly off into the imaginary sunrise...

And real life (well, okay, not imaginary, present day, virtual reality) Mokuba comes fully back to himself with no or vague idea of what exactly the fuck.

Kaiba just has Emotions(tm) in a not very coherent manner, Jounouchi just screams at him to get away from Noah, and only our intrepid robotic monkey hero, Honda Hiroto, actually answers the fucking question!

However, the manner of delivery of this news CERTAINLY raises more questions than it answers for poor Mokuba.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

for all y’all who are at uni/college or going to start uni/college at some point in the next year, my main pieces of advice to have a more enjoyable time than i did in undergrad are in this post. read away friends.

(poa 1) EVENTS: go to all of the campus events that you can (not just career ones) and spend money on some campus food instead of skipping both of these things on purpose as a strict way to save money. bc i did this in my second year of undergrad and it leaves you feeling super fucking lonely and shit. i didn’t eat nice food bc it was “too expensive”. i avoided events in case the whole event or part of the event cost money. really not fun. basically i avoided all socialisation by holing up in the library in the quiet study floor until my next class. it’s really alienating and worse than being lonely.

(poa 2) SOCIAL PLACES AND MAKING FRIENDS OUTSIDE OF CLASS: even if you’re alone, go to the campus bar at least once a sem to have one drink (unless you’re driving of course) and see if you make friends at the bar. bc i went to the bar a grand total of twice while i was in undergrad bc i didn’t trust myself to drink safely bc i was always alone on my days at uni. trust yourself more, i guess, is the message here. mainly i avoided the bar too bc i got so drunk at a philosophy wine & cheese night in first year, that a norwegian dude in his late 20s at the time had to escort me out so that i didn’t embarrass myself any further and also so that i didn’t do anything dangerous. like i was like 18/19, but i’d drunk an equivalent of a bottle of wine (like 8 glasses i suppose) in like an hour bc i didn’t know when to stop drinking and when to start eating while i was drunk. so i just got really fucking wasted by accident mostly. everyone at the that w&c night had to constantly ask me if i was driving home or not bc i was that drunk. it was BAD lmao. the main life hack here is to learn your alcohol limit and learn how to drink responsibly EARLY so that a whole party of people don’t have to follow you around and don’t have to baby you the whole time that you’re drinking lmao. on the whole, stay safe with alcohol kids.

avoiding the bar bc of the story above etc made uni so much fucking worse. bc by avoiding all the social events and social places to meet people by camping out in the library with my food from home and avoiding anything that cost money on campus (besides a coffee/coffee milk drink thing that i liked buying. and also transport costs for a while)... i didn’t make ANY longlasting friends. like i left undergrad uni with literally zilch friends when everyone else still has a group of friends that they talk to now that they’ve graduated.

(poa 3) TALKING TO PEOPLE IN CLASS: don’t be afraid to talk to people in your classes. bc i avoided talking to people until they talked to me; but it always ended up that no one would talk to me anyway. (bar maybe my friends who ended up in the same classes as me by chance or one to two people who were in all of my/most of my classes throughout uni)... so it was really fucking lonely. also i didn’t bother dating either so maybe that was a mistake hahahaha 😂.

finally, you know who some of the nicest people actually are???? mature aged students. don’t discount/ignore them bc they have a tendency to ask annoyingly detailed questions or keep the class for longer sometimes or debate the lecturer/tutor. i made more friends with mature aged students in their like late 20s/early 30s to maybe early 50s or whatever; than i ever did with the prententious dudes in my actual fucking age bracket (18-24).

bc for some reason the guys in my age bracket irritated me the most and i always felt that they didn’t really want to talk to me anyway, and i didn’t want to talk to them either anyway hahaha. but the mature aged students didn’t get on my nerves as much i suppose, bc they had more important things to worry about than splendour in the grass’s lineup or other music festival lineups and/or their contiki holidays that i couldn’t afford to even think about going to or on. idk it was weird. but maybe that’s just because men in arts degrees who are in my age bracket are the fucking worst lmao. but anyway.

so yeah these are my pieces of advice for uni y’all. have fun.

[galimatios]

finally, an overview ramble of fortuna

thread here

—

anyway ftf au is self care. i'll post a thread about it to get my mind off things working title- fear thy fortune, i actually hate it but like, idk, maybe i'll rename it to just "fortuna" for now since that least that's vaguely more Aesthetic high fantasy but like, a blend of asiatic and catholic aesthetics, think gothic architecture, cathedrals, but also golden temples, just, lots of gold in general in the midst of pristine ivory, pearls, roman pillars, dramatic archways and incense i am talking REALLY dramatic archways. the main cathedral inspo?

it's actually more of a complex of several HUGE cathedrals— a maze, actually. the governing body stays in the frontmost building but there's so much more, parts of it sectioned off

but outside the main cathedral, you have a few temples here and there that are part of a popular alternative religion— see, the main religion of this country believes heavily in predetermination, while this alt religion believes in the exchange of karma and fate naturally the theocracy forbids this but in practice it's.. quite corrupt and some officials even go to these places themselves to "buy/trade/sell" their own karma as if it was goods/currency at these temples, priests/monks facilitate the exchange sorta like brokers they perform the exchange for a small fee, and the bigger the karmic change the larger the fee the fee is not paid to /them/ though— it's paid to, i suppose their patron pantheon? i haven't thought this out too much but it's most likely a polytheistic religion in which invoking a particular god/goddess is necessary to facilitate a specific karmic change regardless. these exchanges are very popular, though not every exchange is granted. it more or less depends on the whimsy of the invoked god nevertheless, it's successful enough to be notable, and as the numbers of followers of this particular religion grow, the more the main theocracy feels threatened so they've started to persecute those who follow it, though not entirely because— well. there's an ulterior motive at play here that only the highest of the high council is aware of. those at the very top of the theocracy are actively using these persecutions to generate karmic energy. the more unjust suffering, the faster this karmic energy accumulates so many, many innocent people are killed for this purpose, and those at the top of the theocracy are actually in cahoots with a few temple leaders as well. it might even be the case that they're one in the same— just two branches purposely created for this reason and why is this energy being generated? to feed the "one true god king" this religion of predetermination relies on the myth of one all-powerful god-king that rules the land. it's a brutal and unforgiving religion the idea of penance and pain are heavily tied together, and pain is proof of penance. to suffer in the name of the god-king is to be pious. in exchange, those who follow this religion hope to be good enough to earn a place in heaven i mean. it's very heavily catholic. but like, With Magic. it turns out there's a method to convert karmic energy into a force that can be used at will, just like magic. and the leaders of this religion use it to enforce this theocracy and also play up this idea that they're Holy/granted these gifts by the god-king but in actuality, the god-king... doesn't really exist. at least not in the form people expect. it's not a higher being, it's not even a person— it's a huge golden mandala embedded with jewels crafted with karmic essence distilled into a physical form kind of like— a mix of these, but completely made of metal with slots for gemstones— and it is fucking HUGE. at least a story tall, if not more.

karmic energy usually adheres to a law of equal exchange— you know, what comes around goes around

but in the face of extreme unjust suffering, that energy has nowhere to go— and it lingers at locations, in people, until something happens to balance it out (be it doing a good deed, a blessing, etc) so the high council actually harvests this untapped potential energy theoretically you can do the same with immense unwarranted good fortune, but that's a little trickier since in order to "harvest" the energy, you kind of have to... kill the person? which sorta negates that good fortune in a way, therefore making the action moot i'm sure there's a way that makes sense within the constructs of the universe but it's not Entirely relevant rn so. shrug. either way, negative karma gets distilled, placed into this mandala, and that provides malleable magic energy to the high council additionally, bestowing gifts of the jewels placed into the mandala will grant a person the ability to use magic as well, whether they know about the mechanics behind it or not this is mostly done for people in the theocratic order, but also princes/princesses— these people are chosen via prophecy as "candidates" for the next "god-king"— who is only known as a figurehead and is never seen, because the public's been told they've "ascended" to a higher realm so basically princes/princesses are chosen to duke it out battle royale style fighting for the right to become the next god-king... and they receive preferential treatment for this reason which. is mostly brainwashing and torture disguised as "penance" and piety. the same goes for knights, which are also chosen and paired up with these candidates knights tend to come from horrible situations, so-called "saved" and essentially given to candidates as, well. gifts! they're objects baby! taught to follow their candidates every order. yes. it's extremely unhealthy! That Is The Plan, Though the entire goal of the candidate/prince system is to essentially create the major components of the mandala by, literally investing suffering into specific individuals. this method isn't the only way to produce these components, but it's the easiest to control and after all that fighting, when a candidate/knight pair comes out on top, they're chosen to ascend— the highest possible honor— which. is death! you gotta die baby! the other dead candidate pairs are also utilized for the mandala components each time a major component is added, the magic capabilities of the council increase— i wouldn't be surprised if some fuck was trying to become god-king by continuously adding to this mandala but you can only have so much suffering in one artifact before something happens that "something" is largely the events of fortuna, where a prophecy deems a young boy to death because it is foreseen that he will destroy the system/commit mass murder— confirmed thru the appearance of an unholy birthmark (so they say) he is burned at the stake, but there's something odd about his remains— they don't fully burn the way they're supposed to. in fact, it mixes in with the ashes of other victims and becomes... a pulsating black mass a natural-born curse, or otherwise known as a miracle this pulsating mass is actually a naturally-made version of the large mandala components. it has the ability to convert karmic energy into tangible change— or in other words, It Does Magic but it's... not malleable. it defies the will of others this black mass is locked away, as it cannot be destroyed and bad things keep happening around it. and over time, it takes shape and gains a voice— the souls of the remains of the victims all merge together into a collective consciousness, including that of the boy's pretty soon, it begins to speak, saying it will enact a "miracle" in exchange for a high enough price the temple priests are charged with keeping this monstrosity while also utilizing it as another one of their services— just, very special i imagine their ability to divert karmic energy is useful in keeping the miracle's negativity from affecting others too much, which is why it's kept at the temple and one young boy grows up being this thing's caretaker it's the twin brother of the boy that was originally burned! his name is yonah. which is just, an au jonah with a y. either way, because of his connection to his twin (named august), he can exert more control over the miracle. he's dubbed the gatekeeper, because. that is literally what he does. he simply guards the door to the room containing the miracle, processes requests to see it, and... that is his job. he volunteered for it, fully knowing his brother was in there he wanted to be close to his brother, even in this... weird state of non-death. and jonah is able to enter the room with no adverse side effect— he talks to the miracle, sees, feels, understands that its existence is a state of constant pain it's similar to being like, a pmmm witch in that you continuously relive your trauma while you feed on the offerings of others— the wishes the miracle grants in exchange for a high price and with each offering, it gets ... bigger, more powerful, but still trapped the miracle does not have a will of its own, simply acting in its nature as defined by the karmic laws of this universe— as a naturally made conduit of karma to reality. it feeds and grows bigger not because it wants to, but because it is law it's kind of the karmic equivalent of a black hole in a sense, and the god-king mandala is similar. it draws energy towards it— but where it differs is that it converts it into tangible change. normally this would spell disaster, with all that negative energy but since the mandala is man-made, the high council members managed to control this energy and use it to create whatever change they want the miracle does not operate like that since it's natural, hence the high price paid for its wish granting there are ways to neutralize a miracle— and in the distant past, these things were called curses— not miracles —because they're essentially giant monkey paws that curse you with Suck but the methods to remove them were lost to time after years and years of tending to this miracle though, yonah... finally snaps. he can't handle the its suffering anymore. far too empathetic for his own good, he enters the miracle's room himself and enacts his own exchange take his life, he said, use it. anything to ease the suffering— the first time anyone's made a wish for the miracle itself, rather than themself this kind of selfless offering defies the nature of the miracle, plus august's soul is still in there. So Weird Stuff Happens remember that prophecy august was killed for? yeah. well. yonah's offering allowed august's personality to surface as dominant, and since they're genetically identical, he also... assumes control of yonah's body guess who's back bitches! anyway. he's older now and he remembers the years and years of trauma he's had to experience, both his own and the others' within the miracle— they all merge into one. when august declares revenge, it's not just for him— it's everyone and so august, with the magic of the miracle now under his control, basically goes on a rampage and fulfills the prophecy he was originally killed for. he also personally invades the cathedral and slaughters the high council himself! so now we're entering post-fortuna material, which is another concept/story in of itself, but same timeline same universe, just years in the future august declares himself the true god-king and decides to harness the mandala for himself he basically just. does whatever the hell he wants, completely capricious with no rhyme or reason— not out of sheer malice, but because the pain he contains from all the victims demands it. all that negative energy finally being released outwardly but once the country is reduced to a barren, desolate land, when his work is finally done and revenge complete, he's just... hollow. and he lives a hollow existence high on top of that cathedral. he can't die, he's not even really alive the humans he chose as his own personal court also can't die, and over time they've become more or less inhuman, twisted by the negative energy that runs rampant through the land it's a court that must be put out of its misery august's life is tied to the mandala as well, because... the mandala is, actually what caused the entire plotline of fortuna to start with. although the god-king was always a made-up figure, in a way, it became something real, just different in execution despite everything, karmic laws are still in play. the high council may have circumvented them for quite a while, but you cannot defy the laws of nature so, law demanded that retribution be paid for the suffering of those souls in the mandala. august was that retribution and because he is technically an extension of the mandala himself, his magic can't destroy it. even though his work is technically done (like, the country is In Ruins) he can't be released to finally die either so he essentially is just waiting for someone to finish him off anyway, the plotline of post-fortuna material (needs a name? fortunata? idk) essentially is some dark souls type shit where an outsider comes to finally vanquish the god-king and lay to rest the court he's kept different ways to do that though i kind of brainstorm stuff about it in this thread but it's pretty messy if i do go a gamedev route, different actions allow you to "save" these court members and the king

i think. honestly the only true way to save this entire country is to plant the seeds of goodness by doing good things... by taking a pacifist route to properly restore balance and bring peace to these different souls fortuna/nata is very much about trauma and healing or rather, cycles of pain that perpetuate. breaking cycles. a large bit of inspo comes from the concept/imagery of the wheel of fortune tarot that is why the mandala is A Mandala— it's a wheel. a circle, a cycle to truly free the country, it's not about slaying the sitting god-king, august— but the mandala itself, in a way the "true" god-king. destroy the mandala, free the souls, end the cycle, break the wheel i have NO idea how the protag will do this, but it's something with fire i think. i think the protag. will attempt to exchange fates with the mandala. going back to the concept of a miracle, but this time.. a true miracle, not a curse that's called a miracle. like, an actual miracle the protag is only one person, but i believe... this wish is enough to enact the karmic law just so that the mandala finally— cracks with the protag probably committing self immolation, offering their life to set these others free and with that, a martyr is born, and so begins a process of healing the mandala is broken and those souls inside it can finally rest. august can die, his court can... be humans again. and i guess they become the first followers of a new religion based on mercy and selflessness i like the concept of fire here as a destructive force (the burnings) but also cleansing, healing... like, the burning of offerings, the burning of incense, the cremation of bodies. but also the idea of a phoenix rising again from the ashes i think... the protag does not die. but instead , burning themself on the mandala actually merges the protag with the souls of those inside it. and they're still suffering, but... now the protag can tell them it's okay now, no one's going to hurt them anymore so protag's reborn, very phoenix-like... god i need to actually make an oc for this character bc they're becoming too developed but now protag has insight and MAYBE magic themself. i wonder if this is the birth of like, the TRUE TRUE god-king of this country? like. a Good one i have to think more on this concept bc i love the idea of cycles... i do want to leave fortunata on an uplifting note tho so i have to leave enough hope that goodness will come but also, this new religion is... kinder, merciful. do good unto others. golden rule it still operates on karmic law, of course, you can't Change physics, but i think the framing of it as a force of good rather than evil... is important. like a testament to how hope is a force to be reckoned with, that it IS tangible to believe in it instead of predetermination and the idea of penance and pain, it's important to forgive oneself, to do good, and help others... if you do wrong, you do good to balance it out. still penance, but minus the self hate. and i guess, in buddhist-inspired fashion, the ultimate goal / teaching of this religion is to "break" the cycle of suffering. and helping others break their own cycles. it does different from buddhism in that it doesn't teach that existence itself is suffering or rather, even if it does, the average person can work to break it by accumulating enough good karma to "break" their own cycles across different lives and finally reach some nirvana-equivalent so, different from buddhist monastic practice anyway. i think i managed to cover all of the big details. there's a few other loose threads, like details about the candidates/knights, individual characters, but that's... basically the gist of the entire universe and plot god. i FINALLY wrote it out. holy shit

[attina-the-responsible]

Attina Monroe Triton - Character Sheet

all these couples are kissing / and i can't stand the heat / i lost my shoes and left the party / i wander in the street

i put my feet into the fountain / the statues' all asleep / no use wishing on the water / it grants you no relief...

Archetype — The Caregiver Birthday — June 22, 1991 Zodiac Sign — Cancer MBTI — ENFJ Enneagram — 2, the Helper Temperament — Melancholic Hogwarts House — Hufflepuff (burned) Moral Alignment — Neutral Good Primary Vice — Envy/Lust Primary Virtue — Charity Element — Water   

Overview:

Mother — Athena Triton (nee Oceana) (deceased) Father — Jeffery Triton Mother’s Occupation — Homemaker Father’s Occupation — CEO of Triton Industries (they fund coral reef preservation and ocean clean up) Family Finances — Wealthy (from shipwrecked goods) Birth Order — Oldest Brothers —  None Sisters — Andrina (Anna Kendrick FC, Birthday: February 7, 1992), Adella (Tara Lynn FC, Birthday: March 14, 1993), Arista (Lily James FC, Birthday: March 22, 1994), Aquata (Brianne Hildebrand FC, Birthday: September 20, 1995), Alana (Grace Phipps FC, Birthday: September 23, 1997), Ariel (Sophia Lillis FC, Birthday: December 4, 2002) Other Close Family — Melody (cousin, Lily Collins FC, September 2, 1994), see family tree here. Best Friend — Nala Calame Other Friends — I’m sure she has them. Her sisters. Enemies — Guys that have broken her heart or fucked w her sisters. Pets — None. Home Life During Childhood — Happy, though, had to keep being a mermaid a secret and that was rough. Town or City Name(s) — The Ocean, Boscombe Reef. Swynlake, England. What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — Shared with Andrina. Was constantly picking up after her. Had bright colors--yellows and oranges and reds. Any Sports or Clubs — Band/Orchestra. (Harpist/keyboard.) Favorite Toy or Game — She totally has a little blanket that she’s had ever since she was a baby and it’s all ragged but she lowkey keeps it in her purse. Schooling — Swynlake Secondary. Favorite Subject — Biology! Popular or Loner — Popular Important Experiences or Events — First time a guy broke her heart (16? Same year mom died.) Health Problems — OCD Culture — Mermaid culture. Religion and beliefs — Uhhh?? They believe in the ocean???

Physical Appearance:

Face Claim —  Sarah Drew Complexion — Pale Hair Colour — Red Eye Colour — Green Height — 5’4 Build — Petite Tattoos — a whale tail on her finger. Piercings — ear piercings Common Hairstyle — lots of various styles, attina loves to mess with her hair Clothing Style — brightly colored, trendy Mannerisms — talks with her hands, laughs awkwardly a lot Usual Expression —

Health:

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — Not really. Physical Ailments — None. Neurological Conditions — Anxiety, Depression, OCD. Allergies —  Seasonal Grooming Habits — Attina does it all--face masks, pedicures, bubble baths. She loves it all! Sleeping Habits — A pretty good sleeper, but a light sleeper. Eating Habits — Can skip meals when stressed. Probably eats more sweets than she should. Exercise Habits —  Does yoga sometimes. Emotional Stability — 5 out of 10. Tina has a lot of anxiety and her OCD can make her really hard to function sometimes, she is quick to panic and quick to anger and quick to tears. Sociability — So. Friendly. Too friendly. Body Temperature — Runs a little cold to the touch, but isn’t actually cold Addictions — none Drug Use — recreational Alcohol Use — all the time.

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits — she’s ocd so there is a plethora to choose from Good Habits — always diligent lmao she locks doors like 15 times Best Characteristic — so caring, so sweet Worst Characteristic — sooooo nosy and lowkey desperate Worst Memory — learning that her mother had died Best Memory — each time her sisters were born. Also her first kiss (even if the guy was a dick) Proud of — her degree and her sisters Embarrassed by — pfft everything?? She gets so easily flustered, mostly bc she overshares Driving Style — Doesn’t drive. Strong Points — fiercely loyal and fiercely kind Temperament — bubbly but self-deprecating Attitude — optimist but also a pessimist about her own life Weakness — uhhh so many things? Her desperateness for love she could be easily used if someone tells her they love her Fears — unlovable; something happening to her sisters Phobias — well--OCD is kind of a phobia of disorder Secrets — she’s a mermaid, lol. Also, she got a job at the great barrier reef she turned down Regrets — turning down the job offer (but not really, she’d do it again) Feels Vulnerable When — she likes someone; when her sisters tease her about being overbearing Pet Peeves — when her sisters DONT LISTEN TO HER; messy people (aka all her sisters) Conflicts — wants to live her own life but feels a duty to her fam Motivation — her fam Short Term Goals and Hopes — keep everyone safe Long Term Goals and Hopes — get married. Have a family. (have a job she likes) **disclaimer: she’s given up on all of these Sexuality — Straight Exercise Routine  — she goes when andrina drags her, otherwise she swims and walks a lot. Day or Night Person — Day. Introvert or Extrovert — Extrovert. Optimist or Pessimist — Optimist.

Likes and Styles:

Music — she likes lots of pop; megan trainor lana del ray katy perry. Basic bitches. Also movie soundtracks Books — anything romantic. Literally. Anything. She reads those 10 cent novels you buy at the grocery store that literally no one reads Magazines — vogue def. Probably whatever the british equivalent of People is (the Sun??) Foods — she’s a pescatarian. She lovesss fresh fish. But also fruits and veggies. Lovesss smoothies. Drinks — Smoothies. Also drinks lots of water or she’ll start looking like she’s dying Animals — starfish are her fave but she loves all sea critters. Especially coral reef dwellers bc she’s actually spoken with them Sports — uhhh does marching band count? Social Issues — magicks rights/a kinda skewed feminism/she’s p socially aware Favorite Saying — a boat is safe at shore, but that’s not what it was built for. Color — orange! Like her tail! Clothing — she dresses kinda like vintage but cute Jewelry — she wears like pearl earrings every day as a staple and different necklaces. Her mother’s stuff on special occasions. Games — uhh?? None rly. Tho im sure she’d loves those like shoot ‘em up games idk Halo? skyrim? Websites — tumblr def. Facebook def. Insta DEF TV Shows — god she loves trash reality. Movies — likes gore. Likes romance. Loves when ppl die. Greatest Want — to keep her family safe Greatest Need — to take charge of her destiny

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home — She lives in Castle Suites, in a three bedroom apartment with her sister Andrina. (The third bedroom has two sets of bunkbeds and probably a futon in it so hypothetically all the sisters could stay the night.) Household furnishings — Pretty modern and always, always organized and clean. Her house always looks like it is getting ready for a photoshoot, though she has to get on Andrina for putting things away. Favorite Possession — Anything that was her mother’s, or that her mother gave her. Most Cherished Possession — A handwritten letter from her mother that Athena gave her the day her tail “popped” Married Before — Nope. Significant Other Before — Jason Madison (only serious boyfriend, they dated for nine months when she was 15-16). Children — Nope. Relationship with Family — She’s very close to all her sisters and keeps in touch with the cousins (on land) the best that she can. She’s the Perfect Daughter. Car — N/a. Career — Clerk at Whosits and Whatsits Dream Career — She wants to preserve the coral reefs in the world. Dream Life — Travel the world, but then, settle down and have a family. (Preferably have a partner during her worldly travels) Love Life — She dates around. She says “non-existent” Hobbies — Trashy reality television. Hanging out with her sisters. Knitting (bc she’s an old lady.) Watching documentaries. Hanging out in nature. Guilty Pleasure — Chocolate. Attina is always trying the newest diet craze, but when she sad chocolate is her go to. Sports or Clubs — She was in the chess club as a secondary student. She was also the favorite for student body president but she didn’t run during her upper sixth years. Talents or Skills — Attina is a talented piano player, harpist, and singer, though she hasn’t practiced any of these in quite a while. Intelligence Level — Attina is very bright, but she definitely dumbs herself down for boys. Smh. Finances — Her family is rich, but she makes a pretty meager salary at the shoppe.

[ihatebnha]

Ya know I kinda feel like bakugou could’ve been in Boy Scouts? If japan even had sumthing like that,,, cuz his mom thought that it would’ve tamed him or sthing but I was a Girl Scout before n I’m j imagining him buying all my cookies so I can get a good reward 😁

Bakugo was literally in music lessons as a child, knows how to cook AND is athletic... I know for a FACT he was in whatever boy scouts equivalent was available to him as a child... 

I really don’t know anything abt the boy scouts but can u even imagine tho... little baby bakugo doing his best to receive badges or whatever but doing everything SUPER aggressively and rudely... Forcing old ladies to hold his hand as he walks them across the street, yells at the other by scouts to stay in line so they go faster, idk tying ropes really fast and blowing up all the mistakes he makes... 

GOD im crying just thinking abt it lowkey...

and lol i can just imagine if you even mention cookie selling to him he’s ON THAT SHIT ... either you’re like “Damnit I just need to sell five more boxes to reach my goal” and he’s throwing wads of cash at you saying he “needs to buy cookies for an agency” or something as if he just 1. doesn’t want you to lose and 2. won’t let you lose 

OR (and this one cracks me up) he goes with you whenever you’re trying to sell cookies and just, fucking... stares down the person until they agree to buy something. 

you: hi! would you like to buy any cookies?

random person: uhhh no-

bakugo, behind you: 👹😡🥸

random person: i mean.... yes?

and it gets to the point where you notice but don’t care bc you win first place in cookie selling and both you and bakugo are really hyped about it for literally no reason (bakugo is determined to help you get whatever badge you still need) 

[sobdasha]

library book haul

these are all many months out of date

Conservation of Shadows, Yoon Ha Lee This sci-fi and fantasy short story collection is Good Shit. Plus it includes my favorite short-story-collection thing, aka Author's Notes on the stories, which enhances the experience even more. So: I tried to read this in the previous batch with Lee's other work, but Lee's work requires your full attention and is not suitable for reading in the breakroom at work, where people come up, see you with a book, turn on the TV, and then proceed to ignore the TV the entire fucking time while they talk excessively loudly with the other people in the breakroom. I've been enjoying the fact that they put a real chair in the department so if I don't work the morning shift I can take my break in the department where the din from the customers is, in fact, quieter. And I don't have to walk to the literal opposite corner of the store, wasting time and chronic pain! Anyway. So I waited until I was on vacation, and had large stretches of quite time, to read this, and it was amazing. I did not do the write-up then because I am lazy. However, I am in the middle of rereading now, and I can tell you that these stories only get better the second time around. I was a little worried it'd be like Shakespeare--you have to read several Shakespeares before you finally get into the Shakespeare zone and can actually, like, read the Shakespeare. These stories, on the other hand, remained accessible and are enhanced by having half a clue where the story will go. I like them all, but some of my top favorites: Ghostweight--Lee says this was the second-hardest story to write because it took months to nail the intro/outro of the story. Well, it pays off. The Bones of Giants--Lee says the fantasy equivalent of mecha is to dig up some giant skeletons and apply necromancy. I'm bad at recognizing "zombie" when you don't use the word "zombie", so like the Abhorsen series I don't really consider this "zombie lit which I would hate." Mostly it's just a little soft and when I'm reading I picture big sweeping landscapes, like a Studio Ghibli film or Breath of the Wild. The Unstrung Zither--Lee just talks about the music stuff, but this one feels to me like Gundam Wing if I'd actually finished watching Gundam Wing because Gundam Wing had turned out to actually be anywhere near as interesting as the quantum versions of it I'd imagined. (Thanks to Lee's other stories, I'm now using "quantum" instead of "noodle incident".) Well, now I no longer feel any need to actually go back and watch Gundam Wing. Cool! It's occurring to me that Lee's works mostly fall into the category of: soft; this is the literal cost of genocide and occupation; and both at once. It's a hell of a lot better than ~the glory of war~. Anyway as I said it's all good.

Always Coming Home, Ursula K. Le Guin I actually quit reading this one pretty early on. Not exactly a quit, though. I wasn't in the right mindset; I just couldn't get through it and realized what I was in fact craving was Adventure. So I went on to reread The Prydain Chronicles instead and I'll pick this up again sometime later when I am in the mood for something quiet, reflective, domestic, and not big on plot.

Ursula K. Le Guin: The Last Interviews, ed. David Streitfeld This was interesting! Although I always have mixed feelings when I'm reading about authors talking about the craft. IDK I think it's a me-thing. Like, I pick up this essay expecting the author to tell me what works for them, and then I get annoyed because I decided the author was telling me "this is the only way" when that's bs and now I want to rebel??? Or maybe because Le Guin talked about how even a novel ought to be poetry and as someone who understands the theory of meter but has been flunking everything related to meter or stress since grade school in the practical sense, I find that idea Highly Overrated. I honestly don't remember what else was in here, because I waited for many months to do this write-up. I didn't actually hate reading this though so.

The Prydain Chronicles, Lloyd Alexander These are Peak comfort food to me. All I want to say this time around is, I should write some fics as Alexander's penance for making Eilonwy Very Cool but mistakenly doing so by making her Not Like Other Girls. (Crying and having feelings is gender-neutral in these books; what's portrayed negatively about Eilonwy through Taran's view, despite the fact that she's objectively better than him lol, is her ~chattering~. Which is annoying because not only does Eilonwy internalize that into putting down non-sword-women for "clucking like hens", Fflewddur chatters at least as much as Eilonwy, if not more, and because he's a guy it's never phrased that way even though we're all aware he's super flighty. I really wish this had been done with more nuance, because Eilonwy also has internalized misogyny about things like dresses and washing your hair and sleeping in a comfortable bed, and Fflewddur again is always the first person to be like "um but I would like to be comfy tonight though.") Anyway I just think that after Taran is king, if he wants to go someplace and keep his hands busy to think, presumably the gardens and fields are enough out of the way that this would make your king difficult to find. So instead, I propose that he goes to the spinning and weaving rooms, because that's literally in the castle, easy to find, he knows how to do that shit, Dwyvach schooled his ass good about how work doesn't have a gender in book 4, and he did enjoy weaving, and as a bonus he can realize that "chattering" is not bad and gossip is a good way to learn things you, as a king, probably need to know about the working of your castle, and Eilonwy can join him for bonding and realize this is not so terrible after all, and we will all value these women who spend a lot of fucking time and effort making sure you can have some goddamn clothes to wear. THE END.

The Last Unicorn, Peter S. Beagle Everybody really loves The Last Unicorn, by which I think they mean the movie? And I thought that I did as well, even though I remembered exactly nothing from it save for the title when we watched it once in either kindergarten or first grade in place of recess for a week because it was, idk, cold?? raining nonstop??? Anyway I always thought that I loved it and then I finally rewatched it as an adult and it was. Not. Great. And then I forgot and watched it again a few years later and was like Nope, still Not For Me. And now, finally, I decided to get off my bum because for me books are almost always better than the movie, and lo and behold, it is. From what I can recall, the movie is the general plot structure of the book portrayed as an Adventure, stripped of the thoughtful, reflective narration and the deeper narrative themes. Which is 100% why that movie appears to me to be some kind of acid trip. I wish I had read this as an early teen, so that I could have absorbed some of Beagle's writing style, his turns of phrase in simile and metaphor. "His scimitar smile laid its cold edge along their throats," etc. He never really makes it seem like Too Much. (Side note, that's something I notice about Yoon Ha Lee too. Very lush and descriptive similes and metaphors, very much get the job done and are not things you have ever heard before. Although Lee's tend to make me stop and go "wait what???", and catch me off guard. I suspect it's a mix of innovation and cultural difference, whereas for Beagle everything sounds so exactly right and smooth and perfect probably because everyone else has been copying off him for years and I'm familiar with diluted versions. Anyway what I'm trying to say is, I got a bit away from that in my writing, but dang I am gonna have to up my game and purple my prose a little bit more because I really love what these guys are doing!)

Trail of Lightning, Rebecca Roanhorse Okay so Ann Leckie recommended this book to me, both in a general sense and also in person. And I looked at the description and thought, "Well, it's not my genre but it probs can't hurt me to pick it up and try." And so I finally did. Reading this was an interesting progression (probably most especially for my roommate who gets my live-reading reactions while she's trying to DnD) of watching me go from: "It's not my genre but it's not like the writing sucks so it's not bad" to "Well it is engaging and I do like garbage loner protagonist is a woman instead; I'm not compelled to buy this but I will read the rest of the series as it comes out from the library" to "Oh snap I love it when the critical reviews of a book were actually recommendations for me to read it" to "*weeping* Kai is a soft good boy and I support Maggie and her Emotional Support Shotgun, I will buy ALL THE BOOKS" At one point there was a perfect place, in the midst of a discussion about how you can like flamethrowers and makeup at the same time, Maggie, just because you don't like makeup, etc, to insert a joke about "it's called flaming gay for a reason". BUT in Rebecca's defense the entire scene was great anyway. The whole book was great. It's great. Read it. Oh speaking of the critical reviews, one of them was like "the protagonist claims to be unable to cook and then a few paragraphs later makes a 5 star meal, so this book is garbage." Lol was the reviewer confused because the word "bread" was used, and believes that bread is an art form unable to be accomplished by mere mortals (which, I mean, is how I feel about the idea of babying a loaf of bread all day)? Because bread only has to be "I made a paste of flour and water" which this. Basically was. Fried in a pan. And then the side dish was a can of beans with a can of chiles thrown in for fancy. This is literally the definition of can't cook, because you can't exactly order takeout on the reservation after the apocalypse when you prefer to live in a trailer in the middle of nowhere. I'm just saying, this scene was perfect. Also this was the point in time where I started summarizing all apocalyptic books as "After the events of the year 2020" to my roommate. It. It continues to hold true. Every year for like the past five years we've been saying maybe next year will be better, but I'm gonna be honest, I'm terrified of what 2021 will bring. One final visual: me, unable to pronounce Navajo words to my roommate when reading select passages, and also not being able to spell them on account of not knowing the names of accents in English: "so it's c-h-apostrophe-i accent aigu cedilla-i cedilla-polish l with a line through it…" (not an actual word, I don't remember the actual words, I returned the book to the library long ago, this is for illustrative purposes of my ignorance only)

To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf I tried to read this because Le Guin praised it a lot in The Last Interviews, and it was on the Wizard's Library shelves and I thought maybe I should broaden my horizons. But I quit early on because I, a disaster of run-on sentences, could not parse half of these and I was not invested and if I don't have to read ~classics~ for literature class it probably won't ever happen. Honestly a lot of the contemporary literature I'm reading is better for me anyway.

Sunlight and Shadow, Cameron Dokey This was also on the Wizard's Library shelves and I like fairytale things in theory and despite reading the wiki summary on various occasions I really don't know anything about the plot of The Magic Flute, which is this a retelling of. This book queerbaited me. It's unfair of romances to always put more chemistry between the people who aren't getting together than who are. In this case, both girls and both boys, who were to pair off into het couples. There's literally an entire chapter of Gayna going from "You've ruined everything!" to "I wish I could hate you!" to "Oh no you're hot!" to "And that doesn't actually make me jealous oh shit!" to "Okay I'll help you" to "Oh no she smiled and my heart skipped a beat huhhh!" about Mina. The word gay is even in her name!!! What is the author doing with her choices??? Seriously what is the author doing with her choices, in the author's note at the end of the book I learned Statos (Monostatos) was originally "evil character just because he's a Moor" so Dokey Fixed It by making him just a guy who wanted Things like the rest of the characters want Things and he just happens to come off as bad because he's not aligned with them and also he's very, very white. Noooooo that's not how you do it, that's not how you fix racism, you redeem him while keeping him black. I also, as a rule, dislike first-person-narration-that-changes-each-chapter, especially when you're not skilled enough/don't care to write in such a way that the narrator can easily be identified, so basically for a long chapter and a half I assumed Lapin was a girl and when the Queen of the Night was like "fuck you, boy!" I assumed it was a sick burn and Lapin just ~wasn't pretty~ but it turns out he was, in fact, a boy. Also for a book that points out that you can be perfectly happy settling with a decent person and marrying your not-soul-mate (Lapin's parents and grandparents), it's awfully insistent that the main characters all be properly paired with soul mates. HM. Basically this is marketed as feminist but I think it fell pretty damn short on that mark.