#M!preg

[eriartsworld]

Happy 23 birthday to me >:3

Here’s some cursed BillFord Fanart M!Preg fanart for everyone.

[brokendreamscreation]

//Maybe Lucid will get a pass from God and not die during the battle against Purgatory if he claims to be pregnant-

[duffsmckagan]

The Joys of Pregnancy

Summery: Lars gets Kirk pregnant.

Notes: Cliff is alive in this. He and Corinne had a baby so he's helping her with their newborn son. While he's out Jason is temporally taking his place. He pops up every now and then.

Warnings: Alcohol (It's Metallica! Don't worry Kirk doesn't drink in this), swearing, James is sort of bitter

The day started out as normal. James, Lars, Kirk, and Jason had just got done playing a show. They were back stage wearing robes and towels drinking beer. James was surrounded by girls, girls, girls. Lars and Jason were sitting together.

Jason: That was so fucking awesome. I LOVE playing in front of a large audience. I think the audience is starting to warm up to me. Lars: (Takes a sip of his beer) Yeah, they don't throw beer cans at you anymore, or yell out Cliffs name. Jason: (Sheds a happy tear) They see me as one of you guys.

Lars and Jason notice Kirk getting another beer from the cooler. Lars just couldn't help but stare at him in awe. Even drenched in sweat, he still found Kirk very, very beautiful. Jason notices this. Jason has always been a Klars shipper since he became their #1 fan. Jason is starts to smirk. Lars notices this.

Lars: Hey, um, why are you giving me that look? Jason: You LOVE him, don't you? Lars: Yes I do. Jason: You need to get your man pregnant. Lars: Um, that would be nice, but impossible. Jason: (Makes a rainbow with his hands) Not with the power of M!preg. Besides, we're in a fanfic, anything is possible buddy. Lars: You know what Jason, you're right. I'll talk to him tonight. I mean we been having baby fever recently.

Kirk walks over to Lars and Jason.

Kirk: Hey guys, what's up? What are you talking about.

Lars has a visible thinking bubble that reads "I'm going to get him pregnant."

Jason: (Whispers) Dude, your thoughts are visible. Kirk: Woah (Blushes) Lars: Ah, shit.

Later that night, Kirk and Lars were in their hotel room. They have the fanciest and coolest hotel room. Lars is massaging Kirk's shoulders.

Kirk: So, uh, Lars...I have something to ask you? Lars: Yes. Kirk: Do you really want to have a baby with me? Lars: Yes I do especially lately. I've been having strong baby fever. I have been thinking "What if me and my man started a family?" Kirk: Wow. I've been thinking the same thing. I've even had dreams about it. Jason said we'd make cute babies. Lars: Huh? He did didn't he? Kirk: Is it a great idea to have one now, though? I mean with touring for the album MOP. Lars: It's okay, babe. My family will support us. Kirk: Cool.

Lars and Kirk start kissing. The scene switches to Jason who is wearing black pajamas with a matching hat hearing awkward noises from Kirks/Lars room AND James room.

2 weeks later James and Jason were sitting on the couch watching TV. James is watching some hunting show and drinking his beer. Jason is watching with him.

Jason: So, how's the weather? James: SHH! They're getting to the best part.

Kirk and Lars come out to the living room and stand right in front of the TV. James is moving his head.

James: Can you two move. The best part is coming up.

Kirk and Lars look like they're about to explode with excitement.

Lars: James, buddy, this is way more important. James: Ok, what do you two have to tell us? Jason: Yeah, you two have some very exciting news. Lars: Well.... Kirk: Duh! (Points to his not really visible baby bump) we're going to be having a baby here.

James starts laughing hard. He's the only one laughing.

James: (Wipes away a tear) Ok, you guys are hilarious. Ok, now get out of the way so I and Jason can keep watching TV. Lars: Um, this isn't a joke. Kirk is pregnant. Kirk: (Holds up 3 positive pregnancy tests) Yep!

Jason's face gleams with pure happiness. James spits out his beer all over Jason.

Jason: That was my face, you dick.

James: WHAT IN THE ACTUAL- HOW?! Lars: (Shrugs) Don't know, but it happened.

Jason hugs both Kirk and Lars.

Jason: This is awesome. I'm going to be a uncle! Isn't this awesome James?

James doesn't answer because he still couldn't believe it.

Kirk gags and barfs purple goop (Barf) onto the rug.

Lars: Um, sorry guys, Kirk is experiencing morning sickness. Jason: No problem. James: (Groans) So, how long is this going to last? Kirk: Nine months (gags again)

Jason threw a a party for the exciting news. Friends of the band and family are there. Megadeth, Anthrax, Slayer, and Guns N' Roses are there. Mrs. and Mr. Ulrich (Torben and Lone) and Mrs. Hammett (Chefela) are there. Kirks siblings (Rick and Jennifer) are also there. There is a lot of food.

Lars and Kirk are surrounded by family and friends. James is all by himself drinking a beer (his third) all alone in the corner somewhat bitter and confused. Cliff notices this and walks over to check on his pal.

Cliff: Are you alright, dude? James: I'm fine. Cliff: No you're not. You're not taking this very well. Look, I know this is weird, but look how happy they are. Why don't you set aside your views and be there for our drummer and our guitarist. James: Yeah, I don't know if I can do that. Cliff: (Sighs) Look on the bright side. You're going to be an amazing uncle. James: (Somewhat smiles) Yeah, I guess.

𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 𝓞𝓷𝓮

The first month sort of sucked. The symptoms Kirk has are sensitivity to certain smells, weird food cravings, fatigue, mood swings, increased urination, headaches and morning sickness.

The band were playing a show. Lars is a beast on the drums, James is doing a solo along with Kirk. Jason is having fun playing his bass. James and Kirk are looking at each other smiling. You know, maybe this pregnancy thing isn't so bad....

Suddenly Kirk gags and barfs purple goop (barf) all over James's crappy shoes. James is instantly pissed. The crowd is laughing.

Kirk: Shit. Sorry, dude. James: (Utterly seething)

They did another show. This time Kirk and Jason are together smiling at each other. Kirk gags yet again, and barfs purple goop all over Jason's cool shirt.

Jason: Aww man. Kirk: Shit. Sorry, man.

James and Lars laugh at Jason.

James: Thank fuck it wasn't me this time.

On some other day Lars took them to a restaurant called Porkies Pizza. Rob and Cliff are also invited.

Rob: So, guys I heard about the news. Congrats! Lars: Thank you, Rob. Kirk: Thank you! Cliff: You two will make awesome parents! Jason: (Looking at the menu) Oh man! They have my favorite wine here! James: Nice! Kirk: Sorry guys! I have to go take a leak! I'll be right back.

Kirk zooms to the bathroom. A few minutes later he was back out about to sit next to his hubby when suddenly....

Kirk: Oh! Wait! Still got to go!

Kirk zooms back to the bathroom. a few minutes later he comes back. This at least repeats itself 6 more times before finally sitting down.

Lars: Your pasta is getting cold, dear. Jason: (Chuckles) His THIRD helping of pasta.

A few days later Kirk really had some strong cravings. He ate James's dessert, which was a chocolate cream pie.

James: YOU ATE MY PIE!? Kirk: (Burps loudly) Yep. Best fucking pie I've ever had. James: (Turns to Lars) Has it been nine months yet? Lars: No. It's only been a few days. James: (Mumbles to himself) We should've kept Dave.

Then there was the headaches. Kirk is reading some horror books. Lars is sitting next to him reading a metal magazine. Jason is making too much noise.

Kirk: WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?! I have a headache! Go somewhere else to make annoying noises!

Jason leaves the room quickly.

𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 𝓣𝓱𝓻𝓮𝓮

At 3 months Kirk notices that his hair is thicker. Also, his butt got bigger.

Lars: Wow, your hair is really pretty. It's always pretty, but it looks extra pretty today. Kirk: Thank you.

𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 𝓕𝓸𝓾𝓻

At 4 months Kirk is dealing with stretch marks, sensitive teeth and gums, bloating, fatigue, and constipation.

James, Lars, and Jason are just watching TV. Kirk enters the room with his noticeable baby bump and a guitar in his left hand. In his right hand he has a cup of water. He's all happy.

Kirk: Isn't it a wonderful day? I'm so happy, I want to sing a song for all of you. James: Don't do that. Your singing voice is useless. Kirk: (Suddenly sad) You think my singing is terrible? (Starts bawling) you said I could sing on the next album. Lars: James! James: (Lies) What? No. I was just joking, Kirky. You have the voice of an angel. Much better than Vince Neil's that's for sure. Kirk: (Suddenly angry and shouting) DON'T YOU CALL ME KIRKY! ONLY LARS GETS TO CALL ME KIRKY, GOT IT?!

Kirk throws his water. It's meant to hit James, but the water hits Jason instead.

James: (Gulps) Yeah, got it. Kirk: (Instantly happy) Ok. (Gags)

Kirk barfs purple goop onto Jason's shoes.

Jason: Aw, not again.

𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 𝓕𝓲𝓿𝓮

At 5 months Kirk is dealing with lower back pain, insomnia, baby brain, and swollen feet.

Kirk: Where is my guitar? Jason: (Points to Kirk's left hand) It's in your left hand. Kirk: Oh, thank you, Jason. You rock. Jason: No problem. How's the pregnancy so far? Kirk: Oh where do I start? I can't sleep, my feet and ankles are killing me, my back also, I have to piss every 20 seconds, I'm back up, always hungry, sometimes dizzy, my skin itches (itches his right arm), and I really want to bonk James on the head. Jason: Shit. That all sucks. At least in 4 months the baby will be out soon. Now why do you want to bonk James on the head? Kirk: He still hasn't accepted that me and Lars are a thing. I don't know if its jealousy, homophobia, or both. Jason: I'm sure he'll come around. Kirk: It's been five months Jason. I doubt it.

𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 𝓢𝓲𝔁

At 6 months Kirk experiences hot flashes, hemorrhoids, frequent fetal movements, and increased appetite.

James comes out from the back freezing his ass off.

James: (Shivering) Why is it so damn cold in here?! Lars: Kirk is having hot flashes.

There are 4 small fans in front of Kirk and a huge one right next to him. He has a hand fan in his right hand. He's sweating.

Kirk: (Using a hand fan) This isn't helping.

Jason comes into the room (wearing a heavy black coat, gloves, and hat) with a jar of cookies.

Jason: I just made these. Anybody want any?

Before anyone else could say anything Kirk snatches the jar right out of his hands and devours them.

Kirk: Lars poo, I can feel the baby (feels another fetal movement) or babies kick. Lars: (Gleams with happiness) Really?! That's amazing.

Lars goes over to his hubby and lays his head on Kirk's stomach.

Lars: I can feel them. Our tiny sons or daughters may be soccer players. Kirk: (Chuckles) Jason: Oh! I want to feel the babies kicks. Kirk: Ok. They really are kicking. I can feel it.

Jason goes over to Kirk. At the moment there's no kicking.

Jason: I don't feel anythin-

The baby strongly kicks, it knocks Jason on his ass.

Kirk: (Holds his stomach) Woah. Jason: ?! Lars: Future soccer players it is.

James, Lars, and Jason are watching TV. They're watching Guns N' Roses on MTV. Kirk comes down from upstairs with a comfy pillow. He places it next to Lars and James and sits on it.

Lars: Hey babe Kirk: Hey Lars-poo

They both share a kiss much to James's dismay.

James: (Raises an eyebrow) What's the pillow for? The couch is already as comfy as it gets. Kirk: Hemorrhoids. James: Oh. Those are a bitch.

A few minutes pass. James sniffs and makes a face.

James: Alright, who did that? (Makes eye contact with Kirk)

It's obvious who did it.

Kirk: (Points to Jason, who is next to James)

James gives Jason a judgmental stare.

Jason: What?

One thing I forgot to mention are insecurities.

Kirk: (Holding his stomach) Do you think I look bad? Lars: Not at all, love, you look fa- Kirk: WERE YOU GOING TO SAY I LOOK "FAT"?! Lars: U-um, no I was going to say fantastic.

𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 𝓢𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷

Month seven. Almost there. Kirk is now dealing with strong frequent fetal movements, frequent urination, back pain, shortness of breath, stretch marks, swelling in the ankles/legs/feet.

Kirk is playing guitar in what's supposed to be the workout room.

Kirk: (Talking to his babies) I sure hope you all share my love of playing guitar. I also hope you share your dads love of playing drums. Who knows, maybe you'll be better than your dad (laughs).

Suddenly he has to pee really bad. He drops his guitar (a expensive gift from Slash) and runs to the nearest bathroom. There's 3. Unfortunately, James, Jason, and Lars were all using them. That didn't matter. Kirk breaks down the door to the upstairs bathroom. Jason was occupying it. He is brushing his teeth and combing his beautiful hair.

Jason: What the- Kirk: MOVE!

Lars and Kirk decided to go for a walk. They started to brainstorm baby names.

Lars: I am thinking Myles for a boy. Kirk: (Looks at his stomach) With how "big" I am and with all the movements I feel, I think we're having twins, or even triplets. I think we're having twins. I choose Angelique for our daughter. The name Myles for our son isn't a bad choice. I recommend at least one of their middle names be Kainalu. Lars: Hmmm, I like that. Myles and Angelique it is. Kirk: (Winded) How long do we have to keep walking? My feet are fucking killing me. Lars: Uh, we can stop if you want? There's a nearby vegetarian taco place- Kirk: Yes, can we stop there? Lars: Yes we can.

𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 𝓔𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽

Month eight. ALMOST there. Kirk is now experiencing breast leaks, heartburn, varicose veins, Braxton hicks contractions, pelvic pressure, bleeding gums, constipation, cramping, difficulty sleeping, backache, and clumsiness.

Kirk and Lars are in their bed that they share together. Kirk is WIDE awake. Lars is passed out snoring loudly.

Kirk: (Talking to himself) This will all be worth it. Soon you'll be out of me. Soon this will be over.

𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 𝓝𝓲𝓷𝓮

FINALLY! The final and last month. Kirk feels hot and the contractions are much more common. He is big too. It's obvious he's going to have more than 1 baby.

One day Kirk and Lars are in their room. Lars is rubbing Kirk's stomach.

Lars: I can't wait! Kirk: Me too. I'm so stoked! All the fun things we'll all do together as a family. Lars: Plus, we can start playing again.

In the kitchen James is eating a steak, fries, and a beer. Jason enters the kitchen. He walks over to the fridge, grabs a sandwich, and joins James.

James: Hey, Jason. Jason: Hey James! Are you excited? James: Excited for what? Jason: Myles and Angelique will be here any day now.

James realizes what Jason is talking about.

James: Yeah! I can't wait. Want to know why? So we can start playing and we won't have to deal with Kirk's mood swings, throwing us out of the bathroom, or barfing. Jason: Yeah that all sucks, but it's what happens. You'll be happy when two new people come into this world. James: Well, yeah. I wonder if any of them will become a drummer, or a guitarist...

One day Kirk is outside. Not sure what he is doing, but he's in the front yard. Suddenly he feels bad pain. He collapses onto the ground.

Kirk: L-LARS HELP!

Lars, Jason, and James come rushing outside.

Jason: What's going on? Kirk: I think the baby is coming! C-call an ambulance!

Lars: On it, baby!

Lars runs into the house and dials 9-1-1 on the phone

Lars: Hello! I need an ambulance! My husband is going to have a baby.

The scene switches to the band in the hospital. The bright blank white light shined in Kirks face as he was situated in the sea green sheets, his feet propped up against metal stir ups.

Kirk: This is THE WORST! Lars: Baby, you're going to be ok. Just relax. Just take deep breathes- Kirk: RELAX?! RELAX?! Easy for you to say! Did you happen to forget that YOU did this to me?! Next time I'm throwing you off of ME! Lars: You were the one topping!

Kirk screamed ignoring everyone else in the room. Another contraction hit, forcing Kirk to lunge almost completely across the bed.

James: Wow, you look like you're in a lot of pain. Kirk: NO SHIT SHERLOCK!

The doctor finally came in. It's Ron, the original bassist for Metallica. James and Lars's eyes widened.

Doctor Ron: Hey, Kirk. Let see what we got here. Hey James, hey lars, long time no see. James: (Waves without making eye contact) Lars: Um, Hi Ron.

Doctor Ron looks between Kirk's legs.

Doctor Ron: Ok, you're 4cm dilated. You'll need to hang on a little longer. Relax. Kirk: (Tears run down his face) Why did I think this was a great idea? James: (Shrugs) Well-

Kirk shoots him a death glare. He's not in the mood for salty homophobic insults, or any insults of that matter.

Kirk: Can't the baby be born now? I'm in so much pain and am burning up here (A strong contraction hits) FUCK! Lars: He, she, or they will come out when they're ready. Don't rush the process, love. Kirk: But I want them out NOW! Lars: That'd be nice, but you need patience. Jason: (Plays Patience by Guns N' Roses on his boombox) Lars: Nice boombox, Jason. James: Put that away, boy. Kirk: But it's been THIRTEEN hours! How much longer does this take?! Jason: It can take up to 48 hours- Kirk: WHAT?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Lars: Shut up, Jason. Jason: Sorry. Doctor Ron: Ok, you're up to 6 cm. Just a little longer and you'll be ready to push. Kirk: Ok (Takes a deep breath) T-this w-will all be worth it when my sweet daughter, or amazing son show up.

After so many hours, the same cycle repeated itself. The contractions were getting stronger and more painful. Each time that happened Kirk would try to hug Lars before his stomach kept cramping.

Many more hours went by. By now Kirk is ready to give birth.

Doctor Ron: Good news, Kirk! Your cervix is dilated 10cm! We can go ahead and begin pushing now when you're ready. Kirk: (Weakly nods) Yes, finally. I'm so ready for these babies to be out of me.

Kirk holds onto both Lars's and Jason's hands. Kirk waited for the next contraction to hit.

Lars: Honey, just relax and focus on your breathing.

Kirk began to push, screaming almost immediately after trying. He felt like his insides were being torn to shreds while his body is being set on fire. More tears escaped as the contraction ended, trying to catch his breath.

Doctor Ron: You're doing great, Kirk. I can see the head. Keep going! Lars: You got this, baby!

After so much screaming and pushing one baby is born, a boy.

Doctor Ron: Congratulations! It's a baby boy.

Doctor Ron hands the baby to the nurse.

Doctor Ron: Oh, wait, we're not done yet. Kirk: OH COME ON!

After MORE pushing, all of Kirk's babies were born. 6 in total. 3 girls and 3 boys.

Orion Thadeus Ulrich-Hammett Angelique Kiana Ulrich-Hammett Myles Keala Ulrich-Hammett Kimberley Kakalina Ulrich-Hammett Layne Kainalu Ulrich-Hammett Violette Kiana Ulrich-Hammett

6 nurses held each baby.

Mr. Ulrich: Woah! Mrs. Ulrich: (Starts crying happy tears) Mrs. Hammett: (Happily Gasps) Oh my. Cliff: Woah. Corinne: Awww. They're so cute. (Whispers to Cliff) They take after Lars.

Lars: (Eyes start to water) Can I hold two of them?

A nurse gives him two of the sextuplets.

Lars: Kirk, want to hold our babies?

Kirk is so tired he didn't want to at the moment. A nurse tries to give him two of the babies, who were crying.

Kirk: (Whispers) Divas don't cry.

Two of the babies stopped crying. Lars, James, and Jason are all in shock. He held onto both of them.

Kirk: Hey there...(squints his eyes) hold on.....

Kirk looks at lars, then at the babies, then Lars again, and then right back at his babies.

Kirk: 9 months inside me. 48 hours of pain and suffering and you two come out looking like your father. Lars: Oh wow look at that. I guess the Ulrich genes dominate. Kirk: I hope you get my hair. I at least want one of you to look like your beautiful father, me.

A nurse comes up to Kirk.

Nurse: I'll be giving you a uterus massage. Kirk: Oh, that sounds nice. Nurse: It's really not. Kirk: Ah, shit.

While Kirk is screaming everyone were showering the 6 newborn sextuplets with love, even James.

THE END

[iammod]

Fanfic: 9 meses | Perú x Venezuela

Advertencia: M!preg.

Capítulo 4: México.

México observaba con interés la barriga de Venezuela, no lo había notado antes, pero desde hace unas semanas el rubio se le notaba más panzón, cansado y siempre tenía hambre. El mexicano, por curiosidad y ganas de chisme, se acercó al menor, el cual se encontraba hablando con el peruano y el argentino —Werito. —el saludo llamó la atención de los tres presentes —¿Y esa carita larga? —abrazó al rubio desde el cuello y usando su propio brazo derecha, con la mano desocupada comenzó a apretar la mejilla del contrario.

Venezuela frunció el ceño ante el leve dolor en su rostro —Coño, deja. —intentó apartarse, pero el mexicano no se lo permitió; después de tanto forcejeo el contrario al fin lo soltó.

—Uy, que delicado, por poco y pienso que está embarazado. —rió y el argentino también imitó el gesto mientras seguía tomando su jugo.

Ni Perú ni Venezuela rieron ante el comentario, el peruano estaba nervioso y el venezolano indiferente —De hecho, lo estoy. —el rubio señaló directamente al pelirrojo. Argentina se ahogó con el jugo y México se calló ante la reveladora noticia.

[blackkatdraws2]

[ORV] happy Han Myungoh before I explore (my interpretation of) his trauma ^_^

[CONTENT WARNING: Body Horror / Gore underneath]

Han Myungoh had to save his daughter in exchange for her freedom and his humanity

Han Myungoh did try killing the baby before it was born, but he changed his mind later and gave birth to Han Dareum and loved her. SOURCE: Chapter 251: Episode 47 – Demon King Selection (5)

Still, it must've been scary living his entirely life as a straight cis man then suddenly being hit with the fear of pregnancy, having to experience what it's like to have a living being growing inside you. (Even if not physically, since: 1. The specifics never got told in the novel 2. Han Dareum is a curse 3. Han Myungoh himself said he "give birth from the heart.")

[themosthatedbeingg]

Lucifer watches her babble on… for a moment feeding off of her energy and growing excited as well, wanting to see what exactly it was… before Alastor reminded him why they were here , ah right .. riiight don’t get distracted .

“I’d love to go over it with you darling after this through ..” and perhaps after she got some sleep.

He gripped his Cane tightly , still nervous about telling her all this .. worried how she would take it and worried what this could mean for his family . Siblings were something to be feared weren’t they?

“It won’t take long at all.. just well why don’t we all sit down first “ if they were all sitting it might lessen the blow .

@letsstaytuned

@voodoodaaddy

Alastor followed Charlie’s erratic movements, unsure if he should interrupted or not. She seemed to be stuck on a high of inspiration but more like scattered brained. When was the last time she actually slept? The stag starts to wrack his brain for the last few days and can’t remember once Charlie had left her office for very long other then to greet new guests. “Well, as exciting as I am to hear about this new exercise, it seems you may be missing a few...ah...things on it. Perhaps it’s time to take a bit of a break don’t you think so Charlie?” Hopefully she’s not running on fumes. This family has a habit of running on and on and on until they eventually lose steam and pass out.

He conjured up in his hand some coffee and snacks on a platter setting it down on a nearby table. “You have plenty of time to show us your plans, but let's have a bit of a snack and a drink first hm? Lucifer and I have something important to go over.”

@letsstaytuned @themosthatedbeingg

[mrteaspill]

Drew some M(itosis)preg AU Doodles at Uni!!

(Imagine this is a timeline where Garp didnt know he can 'give birth')

Sengoku & Tsuru: Please, don't hold your baby like that Garp.

Tsuru wants to make sure Garp feels how she and Sengoku felt around him (Garp always drives them crazy, so now its their turn for payback)(little did they know, that exact baby is gonna cause so much trouble for the world)

Quick father-son nap /(>×<)\

To Rayleighs dismay, in a decade and half, hes tasked with raising not one, but TWO babies lol.

He also got it wrong about Garp. Garp didnt pull noone, he only gave birth🤷‍♂️

Just the sons being adorable😙✨️

[sleaslug]

"whoops"

[timotheecontent]

DUNE: PART 2 (2024) dir. Denis Villeneuve

DENIS: "A baby between Feyd-Rautha and an Atreides daughter would have brought peace between Harkonnens and the Atreides, and created an über being. We approached their fight at the end like some kind of symbolic union. The way their bodies get close to one another, there's something animalistic, an intimacy, I was looking for."

[potato-lord-but-not]

what is the funniest misconception john has about how a human body works (bc i'm curious, given that his experience with being human is arthur, who is resistant to every type of damage, and his own body, which also is not all the way normal)

John needs to surround himself with more women I think it would be good for him

[brokendreamscreation]

Yes~?

Yesss~?

@originemesis

[ilona2nerrie]

(Bruce centric.)

I know I technically should be working on my fanfics, but I’m doing exams right now. So here I present you: JL as my favorite superstore moment! If you want a full one shot on them, tell me which one and will make a poll with the numbers you suggest and tag you in it. And I’ll do a few of the top scores. Enjoy!

coffee.

Bruce: I just wanted to make sure these pills wouldn’t be too addictive.

Dinah (drake): nope, uh, have you drunk anything today?

Bruce: just three pots of coffee.

Dinah: oh, that’s a lot but you should be fine.

 (Bruce started to walk away but turned back with a sigh.)

Bruce: no, I lied. It was seven pots. I just didn’t want you to judge me.

Dinah: …... That’s too much coffee Bruce.

2. Joint problems.

(Oliver had an arm over Bruces shoulder and one over Clarks, he had done something to his ankle mid battle. Clark was telling him it was alright while Bruce just kept walking.)

Bruce: this is what you get when you’ve got weak joints.

Oliver: ….. I:

Bruce: that’s why I have designated ankle day at the gym.

Oliver: /:

3. Box.

Hal: uhm, I’m a little worried I might run out of oxygen here?

Bruce: oh.

Bruce: on it.

(Bruce then proceeded to stab the box several times over, haphazardly with a pen as Hal tried not to get stabbed.)

Hal: …… Thank you?

4 .Cartoons.

Barry: oh, fun fact, the person who voiced that character killed himself in 1924.

(There were murmurs across the breakroom.)

Billy: no…

Clark: That’s terrible.                                                                 

Bruce: (under his breath): makes sense.

5. Truck.

(A truck had been outside the league earth base for ages, the team speculate.)

Barry: OH, maybe it’s an ice cream truck!

Billy: ooo I hope it’s a pizza truck. Sorry guys, kind of a pizza freak.

Oliver: Everyone loves pizza, it’s not a personality trait.

Hal: hey, here’s a crazy idea. Maybe it’s not a food truck.

Barry: ooo maybe it’s going to give us 50 dollars!

Bruce: (mamma instincts going off): maybe it’s planning on murdering Oliver.

6. Pizza.

Bruce: I used to tell Alfred I was eating with friends at bobs pizza, but really, I was eating alone at bobs pizza.

7. Electrocution.

(This takes place after a mission as Bruce is being wheeled out on a stretcher.)

Clark: Bruce? Honey? I found a clump of your hair; I’m just going to put it in your pocket, ok?

Diana: And again, Bruce, we are so sorry! But you are going to be fine.

She shares a look with Clark.

Diana: People get electrocuted all the time! It’s like- it’s good for you, it’s like a cleanse!

Clark: …. No? -

Diana: You’re going to feel great!                       

Hal: shit- what happened?

Clark: Diana electrocuted him.

Diana: Not on purpose. And he’s going to be fiiine.

9. Selling.

Dinah: How much do you think I could get for this?

(She asks, holding up a red leather heart bag.)

Oliver: aw, you’re selling that? But it’s so gorgeous.

Dinah: I know, but I need the money ):

Oliver: oh, God. I’m so sorry, I was being so sarcastic it came off as sincere. It’s hideous. Maybe two dollars?

It then sold for fifty.

10. Voting for new leader after Bruce went on maternity leave. (Au, don’t ask unless you want me to write.)

Barry: I just want to say, I fully endorse Clark.

Clark: thank you Barr-

Barry: He’s my best friend, and if he gets kicked out of this like Bruce kicked him out of the house, he’ll drive off a fricking bridge.

Clark: NOPE, NO-

11. Gaslighting.

Hal: Clark, calm down-

Clark: No! No, I’m not going to calm down, you calm down! You’re always starting stuff!

‘Hey Clark, lets google how to murder somebody,’ well you happy now! What’s next?!? ‘Hey Clark, let’s email the police and tell them I planted a bomb in the Justice Hall!’

The app Bruce made them download: Emailing local police station, I just planted a bomb in the store. Would you like to send it?

Hal and Clark: oh, oh uh-

Barry: Yes.

Clark: what! No!

Barry: shit- sorry! I just can’t say no!

12.  Answering phones.

Bruce: oh, hello ma-

Bruce: oh, sir.

Bruce: you have a uniquely high voice.

Bruce: oh, I didn’t know that could happen after a stroke.

Bruce: (hangs up the phone.)

Clark: (trying to be a supportive boyfriend.): oh, I don’t think I can go after that. (Chuckles awkwardly.) that was sooo good!

13. Maternity leave. (warning, very aggressive and not so family friendly.) (sorry.)

(When the league needed Bruce to fix something they messed up, a day and a half after having him and Clark’s child. Clark’s off world.)

(Bruce after Oliver tried to subdue his upset with a five-dollar bath bomb.)

Bruce: sorry, do you think a bath bomb is going to solve all of my problems?

Oliver: it’s not a real bomb-

Bruce: just kill yourself.

Oliver: what?

Bruce: Kill. Yourself.

Oliver: …. Bruce-

Bruce: NO! You don’t get to talk right now! I am SO tired! I have slept less than sixty minutes in the past three days! The lining of my uterus is coming out in clumps.

I have hemorrhoids, so big, my doctor looked at my A**hole and said ‘WOAH’. Have you ever had a doctor look at your a**hole and say that?!?

(Bruce got continuingly distressed as he continued.)

Bruce: I am wearing frozen diapers so that my Pu**y doesn’t fall out! Ok!?!?

Oliver: …. Damn, anyway-

Bruce: Why haven’t you killed yourself!

(They made Clark come back early, Bruce refused to come back to help for months, half mad, half very embarrassed. It got better eventually.)

14. Bathroom flood.

Barry: wait! Maybe I can try to fix it!

(He tried flushing the toilet again. It basically blew up.)

Barry: Nope, my bad, I made it worse.

(Clark, Bruce and Shazam walked in, coming to find Hal, Barry and Dinah in the bathroom.)

Clark: hey guys, there’s water in the hallway-

Hal: yeah! We’re aware!

Dinah: its pee-pee water! You’re going to get Hep!

Clark: Ew.

Billy: oh god.

Hal: it’s under control! No one is going to get hepatitis! I’m… almost sure of it!

(Bruce hoisted Billy up out of the water and onto a table before going there himself)

15. Comparing pictures. (SuperBat baby au again. Sorry, it’s funny.)

Bruce, seeing no one focusing and rolling his eyes: ok guys, I’m pregnant.

(There were fend noises of surprise that filtered around the room.)

Diana: oh!

Barry: aww.

Hal: oh, wow.

Aurthur: Well, I already knew. I compared the pictures.

(Bruce looked mortified and Clark turned and glared, eyes glistening.)

Clark: what pictures.

Aurthur: what pictures:

16. Clogged pipes.

Hal: if we could just find an opening I could just- like- suck out the clog!

(Barry turned to look at him with a very disgusted face, no saying anything as Hal searched the pipes. This incident may or may not be correlated to the bathroom flooding incident.)

17.  Accidentally high.

Bruce: ok, really quick. How do you walk? Or talk to people again?

18. Caught, but not guilty. (Not family friendly again.)

Hal: (walking past Barry and catching a glimpse of what he’s watching on his laptop.) you watching p*rn?

Barry: (honestly not bothered, knowing Hal won’t snitch.) yup

Hal: (staying to watch by Barry, unbothered.) hmm.

19. Weight gain.

Bruce: look, don’t worry Diana. Last month before I knew, I thought I might be pregnant. ID missed a few periods. And I was gaining some weight and-

Diana: oh no way! You were gaining weight! I hadn’t even noticed!

(She chuckled nervously.)

Dinah: Are you blind? Look at him.

Bruce: (disgruntled noises.)

20. Money.

(Billy turned to Bruce, looking confused.)

Billy: but I thought Bruce, the literal leader, would be making more than us?

Hal: he does.

Billy: I don’t think so.

Clark: How much do you make?

Billy: same thing we all make. 393,120 dollars a year?

(There were collective yells.)

Bruce: oh god, I forgot a decimal place.

(They make 18.9 an hour. Billy was making 189 an hour due to said error. He was allowed to keep the money, it was promptly corrected, Billy still makes ten dollars over everyone else. Bruce likes kids.)

Slang.

Hal: man, I hope she’s a Wilf. That’s a woman I’d like to fuck.

Bruce: (who had heard his kids use that a lot of the time.) O: That’s what that means!

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Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed! And sorry to the people reading my fanfics who want more, I’m a procrastinator and studying a lot. Please take this as compensation. If I should write more let me know, and please say in comments what your favorite part is! Thank you!

[iammod]

Fanfic: 9 meses | Perú x Venezuela

Advertencia: M!preg.

Capítulo 2: Flores

Ninguno de los presentes sabía que decir; por una aparte estaban Colombia, Ecuador y Panamá sentados en un gran sofá, y por el otro se encontraban Perú y Venezuela, el último nombrado sostenía con fuerzas una cubeta, desde esta mañana se encontraba vomitando.

El que tenía el peor ¨humor¨ era el colombiano, que mataba al peruano con la mirada ¿Cómo mierda se le ocurrió preñar a su hermano sin antes haberse casado con él?

—Y. . . —Ecuador estaba nerviosa —¿Saben cuanto tiempo tiene la wawa? —observó como la pareja negaba —Oh ¿Y ya saben como lo llamaran? —los contrarios volvieron a negar.

—Uy, uy, yo digo que se llame Perúzuela. —comentó emocionada la panameña.

—¿Perúzuela? —la ecuatoriana no le agrada el nombre.

—Sí. —alargó un poco el pronuncia la ¨í¨.

Ecuador no se veía muy convencida —¿Por qué no mejor Venerú? Es más bonito.

—Que nombre tan horrible. 

Las dos mujeres se observaron mal, aún no había nacido la criatura y ya estaban peleando por su nombre.

—Oigan, tranquilas. —pidió nervioso el peruano, intentando que la situación no se volviese peor —Ambos nombres son bonitos, veamos. . . —pensó por breves segundos —Le ponemos Perúzuela si es varón y Venerú si es mujer ¿Les parece? —Perú sonrió cuando ambas chicas afirmaron con la cabeza, al parecer les había gustado la respuesta.

—Bah, y si nace muerto le ponemos flores. —comentó con indiferencia el colombiano, cruzado de brazos y con una pierna encima de la otra. Los otros presentes (excepto Venezuela que tenía su cara en la cubeta y con ganas de vomitar) observaron con terror al rubio.

Joder, Colombia es sádico. 

[brokendreamscreation]

“Lucifer is not fat! He’s…rotund with the gift of life!”

"Are you attempting to get me smote? Keep my fat mate out of conversations with GOD."

@brokendreamscreation

[mrteaspill]

Dad, who's my mom?

...

Garp, you've actually never told Dragon about the birds and the bees. At the ripe age of 17, you disturbed his worldview on where babies came from lmao.

Garp is also gonna tell Roger that each D. family has a unique ability, and would question how Roger didn't know shit (Roger prob a whole orphan idk)

This is also not Garp x Roger, or kinda is? It's fully platonic, tho

Edit: I changed my mind on that, im now a sucker for Garp x Roger help

[smoked-salmon-official]

I think I’ve officially lost it