#MY MENTALLY ILL RAMBLES

[turnin9pag3]

GUYS I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE CUZ IM REREADING CHOICES CUZ I HATE MYSELF AND IM AT THE PART WHERE MARLENE CATCHES THEM IN THE ASTRONOMY TOWER DURING THE PARTY AND IM JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW REGULUS LOWERS HIS WAND WHEN JAMES TELLS HIM TO WHICH SEEMS SMALL AT FIRST BUT THEN U THINK ABT HOW HE LITERALLY IS THE MOST UNFORGIVING HOSTILE PERSON WHEN IT COMES TO MOST PEOPLE AND UNDER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES HE WOULD’VE CURSED MARLENE SO FAST BUT JAMES ASKED HIM TO PUT THE WAND DOWN AND HE DOES AND IDK I MIGHT BE CRAZY BUT THEN LATER WE FIND OUT THE EXTENT OF HOW IN LOVE WITH JAMES HE IS AND I CAN IMAGINE HIM THINKING ABT HIM AT NIGHT AND GOING OVER EVERY INTERACTION BETWEEN THEM BEFORE HE KISSED HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME AND HE GENUINELY CARES FOR JAMES AND DOESNT WANT TO FUCK IT UP AND JAMES TELLS HIM TO LOWER THE WAND AND HE DOES AND AUSIHEJQBDIEISNSN GUYS I CANT DO THIS OMFG.

[philsmeatylegss]

If I were Dan and Phil I would never hard launch because it’s so embarrassing that we were right. Like what do you mean you were so in love a bunch of thirteen year old’s clocked it? I would never give that satisfaction.

[goodluckdetective]

Look, this is what moral OCD is like for me:

I walk past a piece of paper. I don’t pick it up because I had a long day at work and it’s very cold outside. This then becomes my internal monologue:

I didn’t pick up that piece of paper, I should have. Don’t I care about the environment? It’s not my trash, I shouldn’t have to pick it up. But also that’s how these things happen right? We place the blame on others as our environment degrades. It was just a piece of paper, it’s not like it can do that much damage. But also how do I know: I’m not an environmental expert. Maybe stray paper scraps are killing the frogs. You’re literally killing the frogs. You should look up how many frogs die a year so you know how shitty you are-No stop it.

I care about the environment, and I recycle and I joined green activism movements but is that enough? I could be doing more. I should be doing more. I should donate my entire check to charity. But isn’t it self serving to think that my one check could help that much? Do I really think I’m that important, how self entitled and-no stop it, reset! You are obsessing and if you fall for it, you will not eat dinner. Let it go.

Okay it’s just a piece of paper. It’s okay you skipped it this once: it could have had something dangerous on it. Yeah that makes sense. But also, that means I’m putting my own safety over trying to help the environment, which is very selfish of me. I’m just one shitty person: god how could I be so self absorbed. I should have picked up the piece of paper. I’m so selfish, and shitty and-no, no, stop it! This is not helpful. It’s fine.

It’s been a long day and I’m cold, that’s not a crime- no that’s being selfish again, you’re making excuses. You’re just a lazy piece of shit who doesn’t care about others, and selfish and God the fact you’re thinking this much about one piece of paper shows how selfish you are, you care more about if you’re a good person than anything else, you’re a piece of shit, you’re a piece of shit, YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT.

I get home and open up Tumblr. The first post I see says “if you don’t reblog this post about the environment you’re as complicit as an oil billionaire.” I close my computer and resign myself to looking up the state frog populations until I go to bed.

I don’t eat dinner.

The amount of frogs that die a year is somewhere from 200 million to over 1 billion.

[littlefankingdom]

I keep seeing people complain that William Afton doesn't have a motive in the FNAF movie but, as someone who watch true crime and is interested in the psychology of criminals, serial killers don't often have one in the sense y'all want. Yes, in stories, you are used to have a detailed motive, but motives for serial killings are often simply "feeling powerful", especially when the victims are children. Killers target children because it's easier and they can have a better control of the situation. Does it comes from deep issues and trauma? Yes, but the murderers don't always care or know. And it's a psychologist that will have to find that, serial killers often just spill that "it felt good".

It's simply about having power over others.

[delphisarm]

Rambling about schizophrenia/psychosis in general

[theninth09]

theo going from exploiting liams anger issues to being one of the only ones that doesnt judge him for said anger issues and actually helps him calm down and control himself? theo going from intentionally poking liam where it hurts to the show implying that theo is liams anchor?

im losing my mind over this like what do you MEAN... "that's cute, liam. is that what they told you in anger management?" "there he is, thats the IED i remember." "great, you gave super powers to a walking time bomb!" "whats gonna take it for you to explode, liam?" and thats his supposed friends talking to him???

meanwhile theo doesnt ever comment negatively on liams anger, he literally just helps him control himself again. and like yeah stiles wasnt liams friend quite yet when he made that comment and bretts and liams relationship is.. complicated but yk? so is theos and liams relationship. like theo did way worse stuff to liam than brett and he still never was an asshole about liams IED... idk just. i think about this a lot.

especially with the theo and liam both thinking of themselves as monsters thing.. like they can see each others darkness. obviously they have different issues and everything, they have like, control issues in opposite directions (liam struggling to control himself & his emotions/anger, theo always wanting to be in control of everything & everyone and not willing to let go of control) but i still think that when they look at each other they can kinda see a kindred spirit. especially when you take into consideration when liam said that he thought he WANTED to hurt scott. like yeah that was just theos manipulation but you cant tell me he hasnt had that thought before.

theo would be so good for him bc he takes it in stride & hes liams anchor anyway so he automatically helps. and liam could help theo learn how to relax.

[boimann]

A while ago you made a post abt neurodivergent headcanons for the TF2 characters, and included Medic having chronic mania/hallucinations. As someone who experiences those very things I’ve been wanting to hear further on your thoughts surrounding this headcanon (that I share myself :D). If you’re up for/comfortable with writing abt it, I can understand if you’re not :) Still! I wanted to say I enjoyed seeing a headcanon abt medic dealing with psychosis that wasn’t an angst fest or “grr scary and evil!!!” Type deal

I feel the same way I'm exhausted of seeing psychosis always get demonized (that headcanon was basically just me projecting on my favorite little guy) also i have been dying for an excuse to expand on this headcanon so thank you anon!!!!

as said in my previous post medic has hallucinations on the daily, mostly minor auditory stuff

I don't think he would be freaked out by his hallucinations, he'd be fascinated by them and he would want to study them (he follows cartoon logic: he hallucinates a big scary monster and he sticks his head in its maws and marvels at its teeth)

sometimes tho he gets too wrapped up in his hallucinations and has a hard time separating what's real from what isn't and that's where Archimedes comes in

medic trained him to pick up on certain cues to which he responds by perching on his shoulder and applying pressure therapy by pressing on the side of his neck

other times he tries to get medic to pet him to distract him and make him focus on something soothing instead

occasionally tho it's better to ask the other mercs for help and he just goes up to them and straight up asks them if what he's seeing is real

he's told them of his situation and they are all pretty used to it at this point (also this is probably one of the more normal things about the guy who sews animal organs into people)

although sometimes when he's alone with scout he gets to have a little fun with it: he gets really close to him, stares into his soul with his cold blue eyes, points at the nearest corner and goes "do you see zhe grinning man?"

medic has put the fear of god in scout for the funnies and scout has shit himself on numerous occasions

he just likes to be silly in true medic fashion

here are some silly sketches about this headcanon

Scout pov:

How scout sleeps since medic started pulling these pranks

[greatestjubilee]

bleh

[chickenoptyrx]

....I just wanted to draw gators :T at this point these 2 are more 'a representation of my last 2 brain cells' then they are actual characters 😅

[science-lings]

Out of every ship i have been invested in, which isn't a whole lot but still, I think that narumitsu is the most justified in being the most painfully slow burn to ever have burned. Like, it's obvious to literally everyone around them that there is something between them but it still takes twenty years to do anything about it. Not because they're stupid but they're both just specific types of fucked up that make getting into a relationship kind of impossible.

They're both seemingly very reluctant to get into any sort of romantic relationships in the first place, one due to general disinterest and a truly incredible amount of emotional constipation, and the other due to his last (and only known) relationship being so fucked up that he kind of gave up on the concept entirely. Them being excruciatingly in denial about being in love for decades is just so in character because they're just Like That.

Their history is also complicated enough to warrant waiting around for each other forever, there's so much baggage and trauma and hurt between them that it's just crazy. They've saved each other and they've hurt each other and they push each other away, they owe each other their lives and their jobs and their hopes. They would do anything for each other but are still pretty justified in being afraid to take the last step into making their relationship not just platonic.

idk it feels like a lot of other ships fall into the infuriatingly slow romance because the characters are too stupid to take a hint and it's just kind of painful after a while but these are the most hilariously repressed characters I have ever seen and while they might be stupid about their own feelings, it's usually stemming from trauma which is far more interesting for me personally lol.

[sealbuffed]

💢repressing compulsion💢

[tobias-hankel]

I love how Spencer gets defensive of mentally ill unsubs. Just imagine how many comments he probably got about his mom growing up. That was the 80s and 90s - people were less aware of mental illness, made fun of it more, and people loved to talk.

I wonder if he always stuck up for her or if he couldn't. If he knew he shouldn't snap back at the neighborhood boys that were twice his size or the teacher that talked about things she didn't know about. I wonder if people made comments like that about Diana. Saying oh it's too bad what happened to poor Diana. She is too ill to work and her husband left her... She was so sweet too. And Spencer knows she is still sweet - that she can be sweet when she is lucid enough to remember who he is, when she reads to him and calls him Crash - even though she might never know that she is the reason he is bruised.

I like to think that Spencer stood up for her but he might also be too smart for that. He would have to shoulder those comments about his mom. He would go home and cry into his pillow because the world was hating on the only person he had left for something she can't control. But then Spencer gets himself into the FBI, gets a badge and a gun and a score of degrees, and he never has to listen to another negative comment about his mom - or anyone with mental illness.

Spencer might not have always been able to protect his mom, but he sure as shit isn't going to let anyone bad mouth her now.

[himboextraordinaire]

I love domestic/fluffy Byler so much, but what I really want is for them to be a mess.

Everything about their relationship with the involvement of the upside down and Eleven is a mess. Will is carelessly lying to Mike about El and his painting, Mike is not communicating and was being particularly distant to Will for virtually no reason on his birthday (which btw I totally don’t buy it that the Duffers and the writers room just “forgot” Will’s birthday when they remembered Will’s favorite candy just so they can have it as a silly little easter egg in like two scenes). Everything about it that has been building up to this point is just a huge pile up at this point.

They’re going to likely be with each other for most of season 5 because of the promise that they made to each other at the end of season 4 (and the BTS photos but yknow), which gives time for a lot to happen. Will and Mike are not perfect people, and it’s clear that their friendship isn’t either. The confession isn’t going to be light and fun. That pileup is going to collapse under it’s own weight and it will not be pretty at all. It’s going to be a mess, it’s going to hurt, and I am HERE FOR IT.

[dagwmeno]

ummmmmm some killer x dust would be awesom..

Ding ding food is served!! Eat up!!

[shkika]

W1 wombo combo Gabriel.

But on a more serious note, do V1 and V2 have differing opinions on anything? And if so, when interacting with someone, would they express both opinions equally?

They do have different opinions on some things yes! As long as they agree on how to act they are fine.

If you were to interact with W1 it’d be a terribly confusing experience. Which I love so much. They do not really care or try to make the way they work accessable to anyone outside their own head.

Inside of which VV1 constantly talks to itself. So you’d be met with mostly silence as it discussed you in detail in there. It’s very aloof and expresses contradicting opinions sometimes.

That’s because they are both quite lenient with what the other can do or say. So if V1 wants to say that rodents are fucking awesome. It will.

But then 10 minutes later you asked it what it’s favorite animal is, V2 could say that they don’t particularly care for any of them. Like at all.

And that’s fine. Both are correct.

If V1 wanted them to watch a rodent run around for 2 hours we’ll do that anyway.

VV1 can say it hates sitting still, but then you could observe it scanning books for a while.

If you had no idea it has 2 brain, W1 makes very little sense.

And W1 doesn’t care about making sense to anyone, because it’s simply happy to be itself.

[never-ending-pizza-time]

I think some people forget that peppino can be kind of a jerk. He's not your perfect awkward nervous guy who can do no wrong, he is not perfect, but that doesn't make him a bad guy. He has flaws, because thats a normal human thing to have.

Sometimes he gets angry and a bit mean, sometimes he takes joy in beating the shit out of the tower residents, sometimes he gets selfish or says something mean to someone. His anxiety is not his only flaw, please don't forget that. He is not a perfect sunshine boy who can do no wrong. He is not nice and friendly 100% of the time. He is a human person, he is a complex being who cannot be easily defined as completely good or completely bad.

Sometimes good people do shitty things. Sometimes a person will not act in the kindest way possible. Sometimes someone will do something not realising (or caring) how it makes others feel. Sometimes people have bad days. Sometimes people make mistakes. Sometimes people are wrong.

Peppino is a human, he is not immune to being a jerk sometimes. Again, this doesn't make him a bad person, it just makes him human, and I don't want people to forget that and misinterpret him as being someone whos only flaw is his anxiety. Yes it is a key part of his character, but theres more to this guy than that, thats not his only flaw or imperfection or whatever you want to call it. He's not 'kind perfect guy who also has anxiety', theres more detail to who he is than that.

Peppino can be a bit mean, Peppino can be hotheaded, and you know what? Thats okay because thats what a person is like sometimes, and that is a sign of a complex and realisticly written character (even if he is a cartoon guy, his personality still feels realistic). He's not the same guy all of the time, he doesnt respond to every situation in the same way, he's not a one note character. Sometimes he sucks as a person, but its okay because despite all that, he's a loveable and endearing character, and he isn't a horrible terrible person, he just is human, and thats okay.