#Maybe I'll do ship art once I feel comfortable actually drawing them

[5amanthus]

Not my dysgraphic ass deciding to draw characters I've never drawn before as WARM UP for getting back into art after at least a year asklfhlskd

I want to draw all the blorbos, but I am out of practice oh my god.

[ghostmoon1]

Love at First Sight || Part Three

I'm absolutely loving this series, and by the looks of it you all are as well! I have a few more ideas to do for this main part, then I'll possibly break it up into some smaller stories. I also plan on doing art on this ship as I get better at drawing. Also, I'd be happy to make a taglist of anyone wants to be a part of that for this fic and the mini stories connected to it! I wasn't expecting people to like it so much, but since yall do my tag list is open!

Soap x Florence (OC)

PART TWO || PART FOUR

Summary: The date hasn't exactly gone as planned. Because of this, feelings have been discovered. Only problem is, are the feelings mutual?

Word Count: 2071

Warnings: Nothing much, again. Maybe a lil mental breakdown and crying. Mentions of accident (amputation)

He stood there in silence. Such painful silence. She wanted to scream at him to say something. Anything. Anything would be better than this silence. Why wasn't he saying anything? Was he trying to think of a way to tell him that he didn't feel the same, or that this was all a sick joke? Maybe he didn't like her like she likes him. He was kind, he made her feel like she was an actual human being and not a toy, to play with once then throw at the wall and forget about for months. Toys grow dust, they rust, they slowly break down until nothing is left besides a broken mess. Maybe that would happen to her again. Maybe he really was like the rest of them-

“Lass. I’m so glad you do.”

What?

“What?-”

He chuckles and cradles her face in his hands, looking directly into her eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes, it felt like they catched her poor soul, cradling it back to health. She focused on his rough fingertips surrounding her face. These war-torn hands have probably taken so many lives. More than she could ever imagine. But they feel as if they are giving her life. They felt warm and comforting, not something you’d expect from a trained killer.

“Lass, I think I fell in love with you from the moment I laid eyes on you.”

The world just stops. Her breath hitches in her throat. Love? Her? But…that's not possible, right? No one has before, why now? She could feel the warmth flooding her cheeks. The words kept replaying in her head. In love with me from the moment I laid eyes on you… in love… the moment he laid eyes on me…

Was this… real?

“W-what?” she managed to choke out, her expression portrayed as pure shock and surprise. “Really? This… isn't some sort of joke?”

His expression softens instantly. “A joke? No lass, I’m telling yer’ the truth,” John says as his thumb trails over her jawline once more. He notices the tears building up in her eyes again. “Lass, what sick bastard would make you think those sorts of things for every man you’ve been with…?”

The tears begin to fall. Of course, she didn't want to be crying in front of her date. Especially their first date none the less. But this was too much. He actually cared. He was different. 

The tears were warm, sliding down her face and onto John’s hands. The tears stung, making it painful to even keep her eyes open. 

“Oh lass don’t cry, you're okay… it’s gonna’ be okay…” he coos softly, moving his arms around her back and pulling her into his chest. She melts instantly, letting her head fall into his chest and staining his shirt with tears.

It was comforting. Much needed comfort. The soft fabric tickled her ear, the warmth softly radiating from his chest, the way his chest slowly rose and fell with each breath, his heartbeat seeming to echo through his chest. She could feel everything. It was like this spot was just made for her. Her little place to rest. 

She lets the clouded thoughts slowly escape her mind. He was her safe place now.

“That's it lass… breathe..” John whispers soothingly, letting his hand run through her hair. “How about… we go for a walk before we go back inside?”

“Hm… okay that sounds okay…” she replies, looking down to study her dress. It was a wreck.

John hums in thought, before grabbing his jacket off his shoulders and draping it around her. “Here… lemme, lass?” he says softly. 

She nods and he helps thread her arms through the sleeves, bunching it up at her wrists because of its large size. The warmth immediately surrounds her, his body heat transferring from the jacket to her skin, calming down her goose-bumps. He grins, his teeth shining past his lips. “Much better, innit it lass?”

“Yeah… thank you,” she says, hugging the jacket tighter to herself. 

“Lets go lass, calm those nerves down of yours”

He says, his charming smile still plastered on his face. Does it ever leave?

He takes her hand, calloused fingers against her soft and smooth ones. Her heart flutters. Was this normal? To feel so in love after not even a full date? They were really only half way through the date, and she felt absolutely head over heels for this man. Mohawk and all.

He gently tugs her down the footpath, crossing the road and to the park down the block. He naturally had long strides, probably something he picked up from his job. He notices how she had to hurry her steps to keep up with him, his expression softening further and slowly down slightly. 

He couldn't be so fast. He had to take it slow. Both literally and metaphorically. He wasn't used to such slow and calming walks. What he was used to was the fast paced action of the military. Now that job never slowed, if it were being deployed, training, and of course everyone's least favourite things, the paperwork. His team made it bearable, they were his family. They had to be so close. You can't be on the battlefield, fighting for someone’s life when you don't even trust them. He probably trusted them more than his actual family, although he wouldn't dare say that to their faces. His mother would pull his ear until he gave them the most full-hearted apology in existence. Speaking of his mother… he had to call her, before she hunted him down. That woman can be scary when she wants to be.

The darkness of the night stretched out in front of them, the light from the street lights softly illuminating their path. Florence let out a sigh, like she just had to breathe all of her feelings out. They still felt heavy, like a brick resting on her chest. But it felt as if he helped chip away at that feeling.

John noticed her sigh and had to hide a small smile. “Feeling any better now, Lass?”

“Yeah. I used to go on walks with my family. We… don't do it anymore,” she replies, rubbing her arm slightly.

He watches her movements and frowns slightly. There was more to this story he didn’t know. But he shouldn’t push it… right? It’s not his place to ask, not unless she shares it with him. But oh, how much he wanted to know what had happened. Maybe she lost contact, a fight? There was worse he thought of but prayed that wasn’t it, for her sake.

“Since my dad… lost his leg. We couldn't do it as a family, mum found it too hard to do it without him,” she continues, her eyes focusing on the ground. He could see the pain, the old feelings and hurt bubbling to the surface. She trusted him enough for her to open up like this.

“That’s horrible Lass…” his voice full of empathy, giving her hand a little squeeze. He sighs before continuing, “May I ask… how?”

Florence nods, her eyes narrowing slightly. “He was a construction worker, building a hotel. The cables weren;t tied properly, ones holding some pipes. Cables snapped… he was unlucky enough to be in the way of them. Shattered his whole leg. It was a bloody mess… they had to amputate it, there was nothing else that could be done.”

His eyes widen as he listens, his grip subconsciously getting tighter on her hand. Her eyes looked to be glazed over in thought, staring off at the ground. “I’m so sorry lass…” is all he can say. What else does he say? How can he comfort her? 

“It’s okay. It happened a few years back, we’re all doing well besides that. He’s his old self again.”

He nods, letting a comfortable silence fall between them. There was so much he didn't know about her. By the sounds of it, she’s gone through a lot and possibly much more that he hasn't even tapped at the surface of. 

The footpaths stretched on beyond the park, curling around buildings and into alleyways. He stops once they reach the end of the park, the lush grass becoming cold and hard concrete. The man-made jungle of the city. 

“How about we get back, and have that dinner, lass?”

She nods, a small smile creeping on her lips once more. Hugging his jacket closer, and letting his scent fill her nose. 

He led her back through the park and into the restaurant, their table now cleaned from the previous encounter. They get served their food (Now with another waiter, the first one was far too embarrassed by her mistake). They make small talk, tell stories, jokes, and learn about one another. John’s voice felt like an anchor, helping her feel grounded. She felt as if he really were interested in her. Maybe for once it’ll work out. What if he’s the one?

After their dinner, he walks her out to her car, hand in hand. “Thank you for that, lass. It was amazing,” he states, his charming smile still on his face. It might as well be permanently carved there. She thinks she hasn't seen another emotion on his face besides that.

“It was really nice. Thank you, for not bailing on me,” she replies, a sheepish smile spreading across her lips and bleeding out into her cheeks, her dimples catching his eyes.

“Of course! Any bloke who bails out on a sweet thing like yer’self, is a bloody dumbass!”

A giggle escapes her lips, pure, genuine laughter. God it’s been a while since I’ve laughed like that…

He grins as he listens to the sound of her laughter fill his ears. It was such a beautiful sound, so sweet, so pure, so innocent. It filled his heart with this warm, fuzzy feeling. Maybe he was too far in already. But he couldn't care, she was with him. She liked him too. But was it too quick?

He sighs, giving her hands a small and gentle squeeze. “I better let yer get home, huh?”

She smiles and gives his hands a squeeze in return. “I suppose so.”

Another small silence falls between them. It wasn’t exactly awkward, but he wished he had more to say. “Well, see you soon then lass?”

“Yeah, bye. Enjoy the rest of your night, Johnny.”

He watches as she gets in her car, turning the key to the engine and the engine purring to life. Enjoy the rest of your night… Johnny. The car soon drives away, down the road and out of sight. Johnny.

She called him Johnny. Johnny. It was pure bliss, hearing that one word roll of her tongue. So sweet and wonderful. It made his heart swell, it was going to burst from his chest. He makes his way to his own car, half dazed and lost in thought as the word continues to repeat itself in his mind. Johnny. 

His drive back to base went by in a blur, his mind focusing on that name. Johnny. He walks back to his barracks, passing the rec room, not noticing Simon’s large form standing in front of the fridge. “Johnny, watch your step. You look like you're about to run into a wall if you keep zoning out like that.”

He pauses and steps back into the rec room. “I ain’t zoning out… your. Imagining things.”

Simon just huffs and rolls his eyes as he turns to face John, his mask bunched up above his nose and a beer bottle in hand. “I know that look. What happened on the date?”

John sighs and flops down onto the couch, a dazed and dreamy expression on his face. “She called me Johnny.”

“Seriously?”

“What?”

Simon raises his eyebrows at him. “You're seriously so dazed, because this chick called you Johnny? I call you johnny on the daily, and your not acting like a love struck puppy with me”

He snorts and playfully slaps his arm as he joins him on the couch. “Cause’ you ain’t a cute chick!”

Simon shakes his head and brings the beer bottle to his lips. “Damn right.”

John stares out at the rest of the rec room as Simon drinks his beer. “Y’know what L.T?”

Simon tilts his head slightly, questioning him silently.

“I think I wanna’ marry this lass one day…”

[thornvault]

Kali Introduction Post

As I've previously threatened, here's info on my Magnifico ship OC (shoutout to @king-magnifico-haven who actually asked for this!! You're so special to me rn 🩷)

Keep in mind that Kali is still a VERY new concept (originally created less than 24 hours ago at the time of writing this, though it may take me a minute to post) so a lot of this information is very likely subject to change. I have the basic idea, but as I toy around with the story I'll be thinking of new things. I'm impatient though so I'm posting what I got so far anyway!

Please be kind to the art. I don't like drawing humans so I don't do it very often 😆

Summary: Kali is in their mid-20s, nonbinary (they/them); they start out as Magnifico's apprentice and eventually become a Dark Mage, but in a good way. They're mastering that damn book. Kicking its butt. They're very motivated. Powerful OCs are cool and sexy!

Personality: Kali is soft-spoken but firm. They are most comfortable being in the background and much prefer to take orders than give them, but they're capable of taking charge if the situation demands it. They are outwardly polite and without much of a temper, though they have a mischievous side that they may show once they feel comfortable. Still new to the concept of safety, they can be a bit skittish and a people-pleaser, but they'll unlearn those habits in time. Once they grow more accustomed to their new home, they'll gradually become more outspoken as time goes by.

Plot: The main change to the movie for this AU is that there are several months or even years between Asha's failed interview and the rest of all that plot. Instead of immediately making a Wish Upon A Star™ and being heard, it stews a while, maybe Asha even gets her own little underground rebellion going before Star ever shows up. Let there be a proper plot. Once she turns 18, she'll just choose to keep her wish, what's Magnifico going to do about it? He may not like it but it does seem like a voluntary thing to do so he's not going to force her. For now.

Anyway. Onto Kali. They're relatively new to Rosas, a war fugitive from a place I haven't yet named. Kali has seen more than their fair share of suffering and loss. The Kingdom of Rosas always sounded like a fairytale to them, they never fully believed it to be real until they found it. Welcomed to a safe haven in exchange for nothing, they feel indebted to the people, and Magnifico especially, for taking them in.

Their Wish™ is to be able to help, to make a difference - however small - in the lives of people and all living beings. The pain they've endured has made them gentle, not cold, and they just want to make things better. Their past reminds Magnifico of his own, and seeing their wish when they give it to him, he offers them the position of his assistant - what better way to help than by learning magic, after all? Kali turns out to be fairly talented in it. It'll take a while to learn all the spells and potions and whatnot, but they clearly have the potential.

We all know why I'm here, of course. As surely nobody who's ever met me could have guessed, this mentor/student arrangement turns into an affair, which then turns into the real deal. Only there is the small problem of the Queen who may not be entirely on board with this concept. Sorry Amaya.

I haven't entirely figured out how things will play out here, only that Kali will stand by Magnifico and try to help as he slowly slips off the deep end, whereas Amaya just sort of drops him the second he starts glowing (really, Kali felt bad for her, but if she wanted to keep him she should've treated him better). It's not that they fully agree with his methods, but A) he's their mentor, surely he knows best; and B) he's not entirely wrong. Yeah, people should get their wishes back if they want them, it's THEIR wishes after all, but damn you're not even going to ask him nicely? Just break in and steal them after he's spent years keeping them safe for you? And he's clearly not doing well so they're sort of stuck between being supportive and trying to steer him into another direction, it's a weird position to be in.

Anyway, let's assume we're still going with movie canon to some degree and the ending still happens. Amaya offers Kali a position as High Mage; though wishes will of course no longer be taken nor granted, magic can still be useful. They may continue their studies by themself and continue living in the castle. It doesn't feel right at all, and they miss Magnifico.

So Kali does the unthinkable, and gets out that book. They're careful, very careful, but they have a lot more time now than Amaya and Dahlia did, and there has to be some way to free him. Getting him out of the mirror sounds easy enough, though it does require using spells from the forbidden book. But then there's the whole deal with unbinding him - well, at that point both of them, really. They visit him in the dungeon as often as they can without arousing suspicion, but it does take a long time for them to find a way to do all that.

And that's the story of how Kali begins to study forbidden magic and ways to use it safely, and revolutionizes the entire concept of how magic works. They can do it because they have genuinely good intentions with it and know how to keep their emotions in check. They got a pure heart. Come on, it's Disney, bear with me here. That makes sense in-universe. Magnifico gets fixed by True Love's Kiss and you can take that from my cold dead hands.

[md3artjournal]

9:15 PM 12/2/2023

I've been thinking of giving up on drawing fanart or even human figures. I just don't have the confidence to compete in the fanart space, doing character art. I barely have confidence to promote myself as an artist of my original art that I've already done. And frankly, I've had so many negative experiences in fandom by now, I feel like I've probably burned bridges I don't know about, and people would not only not want my fanart, but actively disdain the idea of any art coming from me because of my fandom opinions. I mean, one of the top artists in that ship blocked me on Tumblr, after all. (Maybe they didn't like that I like Bottomitri? Maybe they found my hidden posts about enjoying a quick laugh out of jokes about DMCL being teasing, tsundere, and/or flirty, but actually preferring headcanoning them differently. I really don't know.) Like, I already have stickers made of one of my favorite claumitri fanarts, but I'm so reluctant to post in the tags to ask if the fandom wants to buy any, because I feel like that fandom hates me (with a few exceptions).

I've been thinking for some time, about rebranding. I'm thinking of focusing on my sketches of my photography. It's mostly photos of my backyard's flowers and the sky. (Maybe I should go out to Angeles National Forest to take some photos of landscapes. I live across the street from there, after all.) After I found out I couldn't make any merch of my tiger sketches, my best illustrations, because they were based on other people's photos, I started taking my own source photos for reference. But the only subjects I have are my backyard. I'm kind of too socially anxious to leave my house for the past several years. But my flower sketches have turned out pretty well. I just wish I had done more. And I also take photos of the sky: clouds, dusk, etc. So I want to start trying to draw sketches of the sky too.

I subscribe to all these YouTube artists who talk about the small business side of being an artist, and I just don't have the guts to do any of the advice they're giving, because I don't have any confidence in my art. Because I don't have any confidence in myself.

I once told someone that I'll probably WANT to return to an office job, by the time I NEED to return to an office job. (Something like that; I can't remember anymore.) I think I need to return to an office job. I mean, I still have money. But not enough to comfortably outsource and invest in stocking items for sales. I try to hit sticker producers' sales, but I couldn't make the last one in time, and what if it takes a while before the next sale like that in my price range? But if I can't stock enough for a store, then do I just give up? But then I'm still stuck with the same problem I had, when I first decided to try to make my living as an artist:

I just can't be happy not doing art. Even if I'm bad at it. I spent so much time at offices, having excess money, secure with employer sponsored medical insurance, and I had everything everyone said I needed to be happy. Yet, I was still self-destructive and my suicidal ideation crept back. Not as bad as during school---I had improved from cutting myself, to simply digging my nails into my skin or clenching my hands in ways that hurt my joints---but I could feel it coming back again. That's when I decided that if I was too tired after work to do art, and art was what I needed to do to feel life was worthwhile, then art needed to be my job.

But I'm just not good at it. Maybe I don't want it enough. Otherwise, wouldn't I be studying and training more? But I just can't get myself to work hard at it. My dad said once that when you're really into something, you'll automatically find yourself working hard at it without trying. Well, I found myself doing that with art in college. But now, I'm not doing that with art anymore. At least, not at the level I should be. There are people studying so hard in their spare time, that they post astronomical leaps in their 1-year-progression posts on social media. I'm not doing that. Why aren't I working as hard as that?

But I can't go back to an office job. I don't want to go back to feeling suicidal. I don't want to go back to school, because that DEFINITELY made me suicidal and self-destructive (at least at those levels). I don't want to go back to feeling that way again.

But I guess I still have suicidal ideation now. One little mistake today with some grownup responsibilities, and my thoughts are already spiraling about how I'm not cut out for being alive. But if I'm not happy while doing art, nor while not doing art, then maybe I really am not cut out for being alive. I've lost the guts to be actively trying to suicide, as I did when I was in school. But maybe I was onto something. But like I said, I still just don't have the guts for anything. But I'm also not cut-out for being alive.

9:34 PM 12/2/2023

Anyway, I just wanted to remind myself to try sketching my sky/cloud photographs.

11:32 PM 12/4/2023

I've started actually browsing how to get a library job. I've talked several times, on an off, throughout my life, about working at a library. Though, technically, I've already worked at a library during college. It was nice. A lot of times throughout my life, but especially during college, the library was the only place I could be. I had too much social anxiety to go to my dorm and all the communal spaces to hang out were social. (One time, I was racing to study for a test, in one of those communal spaces and religious solicitors took up my precious little study time, trying to recruit me. Ugh.) The library was the only place I could go to be undisturbed, sit down, be warm, and rest---Not that they had enough seating for that, most of the time. But it was still a reprieve my my endless walking around campus, because most spaces aren't built for non-social people. When I was little, I used to be a big bookworm, and constantly beg my mom to drive me to the library again and again. But I learned to hate reading in high school, so I thought I couldn't work at the library. All the library job listings required degrees that looked like they entailed a LOT of reading. And I just can't do that anymore. But my elderly mom got a job at the library for a few years a long time ago, despite her lack of a Library Science degree. So lately I've been reconsidering a quiet life with a library job or any unassuming job, with art as my hobby. Maybe art would be better as a hobby. Less pressure to be on parr with the "competition", and more freedom to feel proud of doing better than me from the past. But then the old fears creep in again about a job taking all my time and energy, until I can't do the things that make my life feel worthwhile, and then I'm self-destructive again.

Anyway, I should at least open an Etsy shop and make some more stickers. I'm really leaning towards rebranding. Maybe into multiple brands, to include my figure photography.

After all, since my figure photography keeps winning contests and features online, then doesn't that mean my best art, the art I should be focusing on, is my figure photography? I've been thinking for a while to start a YouTube side channel for my figure photography. I can be objectively aware that my figure photography isn't exactly the best, especially compared to all the other figure photographers out there. But since it keeps winning recognition, doesn't that mean that people like it enough? Maybe I should be doing something with it? Or at least taking it more seriously. I don't even have an Instagram solely focused on my figure photography! I don't even have a DLSR!

There used to be a figure videography channel I loved called fullOanime, who made figure showcase videos that reminded me of the cosplay music videos that I watched a lot of, at that time. Fulloanime deleted all their figure videos and rebranded, but I always wanted to watch videos like that again. I began to want to make figure videography music videos, like cosplay videographers. (For a long time, I WAS a cosplay videographer. Just not the ones with gyroscopes, making music videos. I just documented cosplay gatherings.) Something for myself to rewatch, the way I used to repeatedly rewatch fullOanime's figure showcases. So often, I see the Nendoroid YouTubers I Follow, talk about how no one is watching their unboxing videos. So even though people have told me that my collection is diverse enough to make a good unboxing channel, I've felt reluctant. (But mostly because i like taking my time, documenting my unboxings for myself, so i can be sure if any damage or missing pieces were like that straight out of the box. I dontwant to redirect focuson turning unboxing into a video, versus documentationfir my records. But also others make it sound hopeless. I don'tneed more of that feeling.) And even the ones doing figure showcases, just aren't using the rewatchable style that fullOanime or cosplay videographers do. It's usually just the figure spinning on a rotating pedestal. Granted, some Nendoroid showcase channels I'm subscribed to, do that well. But I am craving a showcase that is just as interesting as a cosplay music video. I want those videos back, to rewatch over and over, like cosplay music videos or fullOanime's figure showcases. But it's becoming increasingly clear that I guess I'll have to do it myself. But I'm not a film editor! I used to draw comics and people from the animation college would compliment it as "storyboards", but it's been a LONG time since I lost that skill.

So should I make a figure photography YouTube channel about DIY miniature crafts for photoshoot props? Because I do that too. Not to the extent of diorama makers and the figure photographers who assemble entire miniature model buildings from scratch. But just the simple stuff. …Maybe I should make a channel about lazy miniature crafts and the most simple diorama backdrops? lol

Basically, i wonder if I'd be better off with art as just a hobby. I love seeing other artists doing well with their business and making beautiful things. But i don't enjoy knowing that's the bar i have to reach to make a living. Because i can't do it.

[brewing-radianite]

Shut up ı will kiss you first for finally creating a tag for this ship and loved the teaser for the fic as well!

And of course ı would be more than happy to see you give us more things about this trio such as headcanons.

Who knows İf ı get more better drawing (and have more time)maybe ı will even draw something for them.

LMAO... here's a big ol' kiss from me to you, nonnie! mwah! (and for the record, i would LOVE to see any art of these three ;) )

im glad you enjoyed the teaser! that's actually the one section of the original draft i opted to keep. im really satisfied with it in particular. i second guess my own work a lot sometimes but yk on occasion... i pop off a lil. write smth a lil lovely. gotta be proud of smth

i'll put another read more tag and drop some headcanons of mine below:

-Sage is objectively and irrefutably the most affectionate of the three, at least openly

-Gives gifts, kisses cheeks and foreheads, leaves sweet notes at the others' desks, remembers exactly how they take their coffees, etc.

-Viper and Brimstone fluster SUPER easily compared to her and are still getting used to all the affectionate attention (they love it. trust me)

-Viper isn't as open and explicit with her expression of love, but she does like to leave surprise gifts sometimes (will deny any proof of having been responsible for these gifts. sometimes, things sage or brimstone wishlisted just... show up. no explanation. no signed tag. but it didnt begin until they'd started seeing each other, so...)

-I don't mean to make them all sound old (yes i do,) but they make each other feel young again

-"No fraternization," my ass. rules are meant to be broken (raze's influence on them)

-Viper isn't HUGE on cuddling but yk. sometimes its the vibe. especially after long days or missions and she's old and tired you know, she needs her rest

-Once you get Sage to cuddle, she won't let you go; very difficult to convince her to get up and out of bed unless there's an emergency. Viper and Brim are relatively light sleepers too so that's her excuse not to budge from her place in bed even if the morning is getting late

-it comforts Brimstone a lot, to have that opportunity to keep them safe and know that, even just for that moment, everything is alright. nothing can hurt them.

i need to continue my ot3 wips now but ty nonnie ily

[ambersky0319]

Dumb idea from a tired Rayne: Logan, who doesn't want to date Roman, keeps telling him "___ and then maybe I'll date you" so later you have Roman looking practically like a fucking clown as he tries to recite Shakespeare in full garbwhile also trying to speak in a perfect accents with the mind palace looking like a galaxy, only for Roman to find out after while he was practicing his brother and Deceit asked Logan out and he said yes, and he tried to tell Roman but he refused to listen.

This doesn’t have a happy ending, but it’s also not a bad ending?

Ships : One-sided Logince, Platonic Logince, Romantic Intruloceit

Warnings : Leading people on, miscommunication, let me know if there's anything else that I should add!

Masterpost 

----------------------------------------

It wasn't that Logan didn't like Roman. He did, in complete honesty, Logan loved spending time with Roman, he loved being Roman's friend. But that's where it ended.

Being Roman's friend.

So when Roman confessed that he had feelings for Logan, he didn't know what to do. How do you reject someone, and then say it's because he just got into a relationship with said someone's brother and his partner?

But that's the thing. Logan tried to say that. But every time he got near the answer 'no' Roman would fall into another round of rambling that lasted anywhere between five to twenty minutes. It got to the point that Logan just... Gave up on trying to outright reject him.

Instead, he started giving Roman impossible tasks to do.

He didn't expect it to backfire so terribly on him though.

Logan sighed loudly as he collapsed onto the couch within the dark commons, right by Deceit who set his book down to console his annoyed boyfriend. Remus was nowhere to be found, probably in the Imagination. Logan just wished he could cuddle them both right now, that would surely cheer him up.

Deceit gently pulled him into his arms, pressing soft kisses to his temple as he started to massage Logan, slowly drawing circles on his back. Logan made a soft, strangled noise as he curled closer to Deceit.

"What's happened now?" Deceit hummed. He and Remus knew of Logan's predicament, and both knowing how well Roman took rejection, weren't able to give Logan any ideas on how to tell Roman that he wasn't interested, not without letting their own relationship slip.

"He- He actually learned Latin and performed not five, but ten original poems! And! He actually changed his sash to that awful gray that he hates!" Logan let his head fall into Deceit's neck, huffing and shaking his head.

"I told him that he needs to perform an entire Shakespeare play all by himself looking like Pennywise using time-accurate accents and in garb and that the entire mind palace must look like a galaxy."

Deceit began threading his fingers through Logan's hair. "What are you going to do if he actually succeeds in this one?"

"Honestly?" Deceit hummed in confirmation. "I have no fucking clue."

Silence filled the dark commons for a long while. Logan was far less tense now but refused to move out of Deceit's lap. Not that Deceit minded. But then Deceit broke the comforting quiet.

"Remus and I were talking earlier, about maybe to put a stop to this we just... All come out."

Logan shifted only slightly, frowning against Deceit's neck. "I thought that's what we were trying to avoid?"

"Well, we've been dating for what, four months now? And Roman has been doing this for about three. No matter how the others react, we'll stay together, and Roman can work on moving on and accepting that you aren't interested." Deceit continued to run his fingers through Logan's hair, no knots remained but he knew it was helping Logan relax. "We're ready to come out. If you aren't though, that's fine, and Remus and I can always help you come up with something-"

Before Deceit could finish, there was a crash as the Imagination door slammed open, and Remus came stumbling down the stairs cursing up a storm.

"Remus?" Logan asked hesitantly when Remus started to tug at his hair and pace. Remus barely glanced at them.

"I fucked up, guys I fucked up royally- Roman's pissed, he's so incredibly pissed oh my god, guys-"

"Hey, hey, Remus," Logan shifted out of Deceit's arms a bit for the first time in quite a while. "Come sit down, and maybe explain what happened?"

Remus did, settling down on Deceit's other side and welcoming the embrace from both Logan and Deceit. He then went on to explain how Roman had unconsciously wandered into Remus's part of the Imagination, where Remus had been talking with Hope about Deceit and Logan, getting suggestions from Hope on how to handle the situation if Logan didn't want to tell anyone yet. He described how Roman now knew that they were all together, and how he looked so incredibly heartbroken but also so pissed, and Remus wasn't able to tell if it was at Remus and Deceit, or Logan.

Once he was done, Logan groaned loudly, head falling back to hide in Deceit's shoulder. He said something, but it was muffled by Deceit's shirt. Remus clung to Logan, burrowing his face in Logan's hair. "Maybe we can just give Roman amnesia, y'know, and no one will know!"

"I don't think giving your brother a concussion is a good idea, Remus."

"At least it's an idea!"

Logan shook his head, taking a deep breath. "No, I'm going to have to talk with him. But... but I think I'll talk to Roman tomorrow. Hopefully he'll be willing to listen, I doubt he will be right now."

"You sure, Lo?"

Logan nodded, moving so he could press a light kiss to Remus's cheek. "I just really want to spend time with you both. And maybe this'll be safer."

"Alright..."

-

The next morning, Logan rose up in front of Roman's room. It was too early for Patton or Virgil to be awake, but Roman often got up around the same time as Logan. He knocked lightly on the door, and it took a minute and Logan was just about to knock again when he heard a lock click and the door slowly opened. Logan bit his lip as he felt his heart figuratively break at the sight before him, Roman with irritated eyes and hair so tangled one brush would never be able to help tame it. He looked so pale, too, and he wobbled slightly in place as he processed just who was at his door.

When it finally caught up to him that it was Logan, Roman attempted to shut the door. But Logan stuck his foot out to stop it. "We really need to talk-"

"I don't want to see you, Logan."

"Please, Roman?"

". . ."

"I just want to explain things. You don't need to actually respond, but you need to hear me out. And then, if you no longer want to be friends, then I'll just leave you alone from now on. I won't even take long, I just need five minutes."

Roman hesitated, before sighing in defeat and he sulked back into his room, letting Logan enter. He sat on the bed and just stared at Logan. "Five minutes. Go."

Logan took a deep breath. "First, I wanted to apologize. It was wrong of me to lead you on like I did, getting your hopes up that I might reciprocate your feelings when in fact I wasn't only not interested, but was seeing other sides.

"Next, the only reason why I kept doing that is because any time I tried to tell you no, or that I wasn't interested, you would cut me off, or refuse to listen. I tried each and every time to get you to listen and I failed, so I gave you more and more ridiculous tasks thinking you would eventually give up. And then you didn't. And I just had no idea what to do, because I still wanted to be frends, I love being friends with you, but I don't like you how you like me and I just- I'm um, I'm just really sorry, Roman."

Logan held his breath as he watched Roman for any reaction, holding Roman's gaze. Roman took in a shuddering breath, before glancing to the side, frown tugging at his lips.

"And you were with my brother and Deceit the entire time...?"

"... Yes."

Roman closed his eyes for a moment, processing everything that Logan had said. When it seemed that he finally did, he exhaled slowly, still not looking at Logan.

"I'm still mad, Logan, I'm still hurt. But... But I don't want to not have you in my life. I still want you around. It wouldn't be the same with you gone- and I- fuck, Logan, I'm sorry for not listening... I should have, this all could've been avoided." Roman held his head in his hands. "Just... can, can we come back to this in a few days?"

Logan nodded hastily. Roman glanced at him for a moment before looking back down at the floor. "I'll see you later, Logan."

Logan hugged himself as he left Roman's room, summoning a water bottle for him before he left. God, this wasn't how he wanted things to turn out...

----------------------------------------

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[finsterhund]

The boredom gets to me.

Lake trip got cancelled, then postponed to today, except ex roommate didn't want to go to the safe lake and me and my friend only wanted to go to the safe lake so we didn't end up going at all but that was okay because Will and Paula did a Paper Beast stream and it was fun.

Other than that things have been extremely boring and I've been getting sick from the heatwave.

It's too hot to play Paper Beast because of the headset, it's too hot to play Minecraft because ice pack laptop gets hot way quicker now.

It really becomes apparent that without spending money there's not much to do during the quarrentine. I've drawn a bit, I keep trying to write but never get anywhere, and mostly I'm just feeling lonely and wishing I had a dog. I have to be careful not to think too much about that late at night otherwise I'll miss my bedtime and then cry myself to sleep at 4AM. I joke about how I am explicitly forbidden from listening to "Tiny's Song" after 7PM, because that's a surefire way to make it worse.

I have another psychiatrist phone call in a couple weeks and I'm hoping to talk about trauma and misery loops, or whatever it's called when your brain keeps dwelling on loss.

Computer quest seems to be going well, but of course I've put as much money as I can into it for this month. Frustrated that I can't do anything more until I get paid again.

Got to go to the thrift store a few days ago. Impulsively got Lady because she was 5 dollars and we all know she's a spaniel so obviously I was weak of will, soft of heart, dumb of ass. You know the drill. This boy does not simply see a cosmically significant stuffed dog just sitting there and not do something about it.

I also picked up a seemingly brand-new collar with several tags attached. I collect used and discarded dog tags (I will go into this in more detail in another post) and I intend to start bringing as many back as I can whenever I get to go to thrift stores.

I'm frustrated that I keep making plans that I'll only be able to follow through on once all this is over. My computer is the only big thing in the works that isn't held back by the virus.

I wish the other one in town would open again. Stupid virus.

I keep phoning my mom to talk to her puppy. I was going to visit to see the puppy and also bring my childhood toys back home and also develop the Spot negatives. But no. Ruined. Stupid virus says "Andy likes Spot, and his old toys, and puppies. Let's make sure he doesn't get to see them" stupid virus.

I have a TON of important things planned where traveling or going to high risk stores/places that are definitely closed is required.

The last Spot I ordered online before I put my foot down and said "no more buying comfort items online until you get your new computer" seems to almost be arriving. Should around the same time I have my phone appointment. I'm also waiting on the lost DHL puppy (still, it's been so long) and another that I think also is lost, and a rare copy of Heart of Darkness that's taken forever to ship and is presumably in Alaska now (why I don't know)

I intend to spoil that Spot to an extreme amount to make up for the eBay stuffed dog drought that will presumably go on for three months. Although the fact that I do no longer have to hold onto all the money to use at once and have now switched over to giving it in installments to my friend who's doing my custom build does mean I have a better understanding on how much money I have available each month. It's their responsibility to count and keep track of the big unintelligible numbers now. I'm free!

Although I do still intend to keep the paper with all the "100"s written on it in use. Using a visual aid to help with my dyscalcula has actually felt super good. Wish teachers would have been more open to helping me do this during school.

I do wish I had more inspiration to draw and write. Not getting too much interaction with what I'm doing online so it doesn't feel like a way to socialize and I'm actually desperate for more socialization during this time.

The quest for an extremely large floppy stuffed dog that looks like Spot has been postponed due to the computer quest. Similarly I am barred from buying anything else from Awwful Adopts, Lil Sprout Care, and Blvucci. Will showed me a browser extension that blocks certain website access from your browser. I use it to bar me from aimlessly searching stuffed dogs on eBay for four hours.

Hold me to this promise. No Awwful Adopts, No LilSproutCare, and no Blvucci. If I brag about getting the Blvucci glow in the dark hoodie and it wasn't because I won a free one, you are all encouraged to spam mean names into my message inbox and hit me with things.

I have materials to make custom sized collars and bandannas for my stuffed dogs but I just don't feel up to learning to sew. I know how to do 1. A ladder stitch and 2. Several types of knots. So all I can technically do is fix small holes in stuffed animals.

It's technically my bedtime but I don't feel able to sleep right now so I'm just writing this update.

My friend made art of Spot for me and it is very nice so I'll share it tomorrow.

Keeping my mind active talking about my day and my plans stops me from thinking about sad things, but it also prevents me from sleeping. I just wish that there was something to look forward to tomorrow. It's gonna be another hot do nothing stay home day.

Maybe soon we will get to go to the lake.

Anyways, I'll try updating you all more. Maybe post more memes and things that have mostly been going on over at twitter dot com. I keep forgetting to post things here because of how broken Tumblr is on desktop now.