#Mhaxreader

[itsdori-lover]

Cherry Blossom Connection

Erm.. hey y'all! This my first post on here so PLEASE BE NICE 😞...

Any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!!

Summary: You're invited by your best friend Mina to the club, you think you won't meet anyone interesting but to your surprise, you do.. Some notes: you're gender neutral but has girlalala parts!!, Izuku is asian & hispanic! I think that's it tho... :)

TW!!: Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Spanking, Shotgun Kissing, Creampie 🙃

I walked in the club, the music thumping and people dancing. Honestly I didn’t want to be here today, but I was forced by Mina. 

[ FLASHBACK!!] 

I just got out of the shower, feeling refreshed and ready for bed until I heard my Tyler, the creator ringtone going off. I let out a sigh before picking up my phone to answer. “ Yes minaaa!~” I said as I stretched out her name for the effects. “ Girl get dressed and get to the bar, I sent you the Addie. See you in an hour!!!” She said before she hung up. ‘Damn she could have at least let me get a word in…’ I thought before picking out my clothes.

[ FLASHBACK OVER!!!]

It smelled like drunk people and weed. How amazing… Anyway, I walked to the bar ordering a frozen raspberry margarita. If i was forced here, i’m at least gonna get tipsyyy! Speaking of being forced here, I looked around for Mina and I found her making out with this red head. Seems like she’s getting some dick tonight 🤭. I need to really find myself a boo, but all these guys look like perverts so… I probably won’t find anyone today. 

As I ordered another Margarita and a shot, My song ‘ Anxious ’ came on. Of course I have to get up and dance. I got up, making my way to the dance floor. I swayed my hips, shaking my ass and moving my arms around my body as I danced. I continued until I felt hands snake across my hips. Listen, I don't play when it comes to clubs, I'm always ready to kick ass. my hands rated E for EVERYONE!!! I turned around, ready for it to be a perv but it turned out to be a green haired Asian boy. ooo he was so good looking. He had green eyes, freckles, and two deep dimples that popped out with the slightest smile. 

My attitude immediately changed as I took in his looks. “ Hi beautiful, what’s your name?” He asked as he continued to sway with me. I stared at him before turning back around, ignoring his question. “ hmm~ playing hard to get huh? that’s fine by me” He whispered in my ear. His deep voice sent my heart to cloud 9. God he sounded so sexy, but I can't let him have me that easily. as we danced together, My favorite part came on. Just to be bold and get a reaction, I rubbed my ass against him. His grip got tighter as he rubbed circles into my back.

We danced some more until we got a tad bit tired. He walked me to a booth with a bunch of liquor bottles laying around. “ Now will you tell me your name, pretty girl?” He said as he rubbed circles into my thighs. “ It's (your name), what about you, pretty boy?” I retaliated, leaning forward to stare in his eyes. He stared at me back for a few seconds before leaning back into the sofa, “ it’s Izuku Midoriya.” After introducing ourselves, we got into a conversation about anything and everything. 

Soon it got late and the club was closing. By this time, I completely forgot about Mina. I guess I'll just have to call her tomorrow to make sure she's still alive. Honestly I didn’t want to leave Izuku, it seemed like he was thinking the same thing as he led me to his car. As I got into his 2023 BMW I admired his red interior, it fits him so well. Sexy yet classy… Anyway we continued our talk, when I looked back at him he was rollin up a blunt. I stared at him as he licked the paper before using his hands to smooth it down. God he looked so sexy, definitely had the kitty purring… 😍 (LMAOOO) 

I didn’t even realize he started to stare right back at me until he broke me out of my thoughts with a question. “ Do you smoke?” “ Of course I do” I stated before turning away from him again. When he tried to light the blunt, his lighter wasn’t working. I leaned in and flicked mine up to light it. The fire made his face look so detailed and fine as he stared at me with that look in his eyes. He breathed in before blowing the smoke out of his nose. He then passed the blunt to me so I could hit. As soon as the smoke filled my lungs, I felt all the worries and embarrassment fade away. 

We passed the blunt back and forth, both of us getting our fill. Izuku stared at me before speaking “ Te ves tan hermosa mamas” I stopped mid blow out to stare at him in awe. “ You know spanish??” He chuckled before saying “ I’m hispanic too, mi amor” I smiled at him, making a mental note of that. “ I see, that makes sense” I said before passing the blunt to him. As he took his hit, he looked at me and grabbed my chin. Izuku pulled me in saying “ Open your mouth, Mamas” before blowing smoke into my mouth. Our eyes said so many words our mouth couldn’t say. 

He moved his lips close to mine before kissing me. Our kiss was sweet at first before becoming sensual and hungry. We were hungry for each other's taste and warmth. As Izuku kissed me, He stubbed our blunt and dropped it somewhere on the floor. He grabbed my hips and lifted me onto his lap, his hands roamed my body as I moaned in his mouth. I rutted my hips against his, needing friction to tame the firing feeling on my body.

Izuku kissed down my neck, looking and searching for my sweet spot all while leaving purplish marks all over my neck. We grinded on each other, searching for pleasure while touching every place we can. His hands moved to my ass, cuffing it before sliding his hands inside my panties. His fingers circled my clit, catching my breath in my throat. “ U-ugh, Izuku~” He looked up at me as he pushed my bra up and immediately latched onto my nipple, playing with the other one. My face scrunched as the pleasure moved throughout my body. 

“ more, please!” I mumbled as his finger quickend in tight circles on my clit. I felt myself getting closer and closer to my orgasm. As soon as I was about to cum, he stopped everything. “ Izuku!~” I moaned in displeasure. “ Be patient, pretty girl” Izuku whispered as he took off my panties. He moved his fingers from my clit to my hole. “ ¿Estás tan mojada ya?Que chica tan traviesa~” Izuku mainly mumbled to himself. I was too desperate for pleasure to even notice his language switch. I rutted my hips against his fingers, hoping to signal that I need some type of friction. 

He definitely got the signal as he thrusted two fingers into me at once. “ See you’re so wet, two fingers went in so easily” He commented as he thrusted his fingers at a fast but slow pace. I couldn’t even reply as he knocked my breath straight out of my lungs. “ hnnggg! wait please~” I yelped as I felt my orgasm coming. Instead of stopping, Izuku sped up hoping I would cum on his fingers. “ Go ahead, cum for me, pretty girl.” He egged on. As soon as those words slipped from his mouth, the knot came undone. Izuku kept fingering me through my orgasm as he soothed me with his words. We kissed sloppily, saliva sliding down my lips. 

He took out his cock, it was clean cut. Pretty pink tip with a mix of a dark and light shaft. Just when I thought I was done for the night, The sight of his cock got me aroused all over again. When we made eye contact, the sparks flew and before I knew it, he was positioning me on his cock. He looked at me for consent and once he got it, he lowered me onto him. I couldn’t even feel the stretch of my cunt with all of the pleasure that flowed through me. Izuku groaned as he felt the wetness surrounding his aching cock. 

Once he bottomed out, He checked up on me making sure I was comfortable and okay. When doing so he realized I was too fucked out to even understand him, so he started moving. Izuku gripped my thighs to lift me up to the tip before slamming me back down. “ Mmmfffp!~” I moaned as he fucked me with no mercy. “ Joder hermosa~” Izuku slurred into my neck. I gripped his hair and pulled it as he fucked me. For a while, all I could hear was skin slapping and loud moans. The car started to shake as he got more aggressive.

All of a sudden, all movement stopped when he pushed his seat back. “ Ride me, my love” Is all he said as he stared at me. I was so tired and out of breath, all I could do was move my hips side to side. Izuku didn’t like that so he smacked my ass. “ Hurry up hermosa…” He asserted with a hard stare. I whimpered as I placed my hands on his chest and lifted myself. I dropped myself down, moaning as I did so. “ Hngh!” He and I both moaned. One hand made its way to my hip while the other made its way to my nipple, pulling and playing with it.  I smacked myself down hard as I fucked myself onto him. I felt a familiar knot form in my stomach. I knew I was going to cum. Izuku was also close as he gripped my hips harder and his moans got more high pitched. “ I- izuku~ I’m going to-!” I couldn’t get my sentence out as I came on Izuku’s cock. I thought he would stop but he continued to fuck himself through his own orgasm. I felt him fill me up with his cum as he moaned my name. “ Joder, te sientes tan bien a mi alrededor.~” Izuku said to me as he lifted me off him. “ Get some sleep mamas, I'll clean you up” He suggested, and with that I went to sleep.

[fluff-n-cookies]

Hello :)

Could you please do and platonic Aizawa x daughter reader?

His daughter is in her teen years so she is being like really rebel and all that so they fought a lot, but one day she just breaksdown during one fight and starts crying and apologizing for being a shitty daughter?

I have been avoiding this for so long, and it's all because I have no idea how aizawa would handle something like this. because it goes against everything that Aizawa would try and teach his kid so this may be a little forcefully written, apologies.

TW : unhealthy parenting, mental illness, some suicidal thoughts, probably angsty shit, I dunno, read at your own risk.

We can start this by walking through how this may start in the first place. I think the best place to start is that reader's mom left her and Aizawa when she was very young, and Aizawa, assuming here he didn't understand how to properly tell her why her mother left her, never tells her why.

Now reader is very young so she might blame one of two things.

herself

her father

While both instances would technically work, I think the more favorable option is she blames herself since a young child would probably never blame an adult they look up to and hold dear as the problem.

Up to this point her father has been really kind to her so the only other variable is her, this spirals into social anxiety, low self esteem, and depression. all of which don't help when you have an absent mother and a neglectful father who is both a teacher and a full time hero, which leaves little to no room for children.

(this is also why I think it isn't realistic for Aizawa to keep Eri or a child without another non-hero caretaker. Fight me, I dare you.)

As time goes on, and this child becomes a teenager, she might not know how to properly express her feeling and after being misguided by factors like the internet, other adults, and "friends" she might take out the feeling of being abandoned on her closest caretaker and another source of her problems; Aizawa.

if you purposely yell at him or start arguments it's not going to be very fun because Aizawa has this complex where if his students or other heros represent incompetence or arrogance he expels them or ignores him rather than explaining it to them and helping them improve, this is especially with students.

and since he lacks a true connection with you as his daughter mainly because of his job(s) and past with Oboro which he is still trying to heal from keeping him from bonding with you, he'll treat you as a student like the rest of the teenagers he knows. and even then, you may actually be treated worse than his students because while he interacts with them daily, he interacts with maybe 1 hour every other day.

so from all that he simply ignores you, just stops interacting with you entirely, he's too tired for your bullshit. this action makes the wedge between you two even worse.

if you keep persisting though he will yell back but it's often really short and really loud. something like "SHUT UP" a cold "I don't care." before slamming the door in your face. He knows it's probably not right to do that to your daughter but let's face it. you're just this annoying teenager he legally has to live with if he doesn't want to lose his hero and teaching license.

this is where things actually get very interesting, because let's assume he stops approaching you entirely, you just live in the same house nothing more than that, and while you may act like you hate your father for ruining your family and neglecting you all your life on the outside, remember, you're still that little kid in second grade that blames yourself for your mother leaving and your father not caring for you.

so let's say you realize this and go back to blaming yourself for everything like you did when you where a kid but since your father stopped talking to you entirely explaining your faults to him maybe difficult.

this where my personal experiences come in, I've actually had this happen to me in my own life, and I truely hope that you'll enjoy it. thank you.

---------

why is it that the voices are the loudest in the dead of night?

the moon is gone, the birds are silent, there isn't a single light that shines on your tear streaked face, puffly, swollen, sad, just sad.

years of confusion, neglect, a lack of love in it's purest form.

all because of you.

it's all because of you.

it's sings so prettily, like it's a church choir spreading the word of the lord like it's common knowledge.

it's common knowledge that you are a terrible person!

it cackles.

the urge to strangle yourself to finally feel some relief has never been stronger.

lie awake in the dead of night, in pitch darkness, a proper scenery to match ones broken and cracked soul, be careful, you might hurt yourself, again.

however, one cannot weep in their wallows forever.

the night has to make way for the morning sun.

and a relaxed self pity has to make way to dread.

dread.

dread of him, he who you blame for everything, everything you know is your fault.

it's all your fault.

a click at the door,

the creak of the old wood and the hinges never oiled.

mild thumping footsteps that wander around the apartment that can barely hold your overflowing buckets of tears.

you can mumble out all your pleas.

pleas that this is all a terrible nightmare and your real life is actually one with a kind and loving mother and a supportive and encouraging father.

mumble out the little lies that you made up all these years to make yourself feel worse and other better.

"it's pointless to keep trying."

"I wish I wasn't here."

"why can't I just be happy?"

"it's all my fault,

it's all my fault,

it's all my fault."

the thin walls don't do those in mourning justice though.

for the wind is calm, the branches don't dare to move, the owls, the bats, the sleeping heros in training downstairs don't make a peep.

for the only ones alive, awake, aware, is a man beaten down and broken by society serving as it's protector, ignoring the one in most need of protection all this time. With him is a girl. a girl that's scared, scared of her mirror image that haunts her, a girl who's cried an ocean, screamed a thousand wails of pain, a girl lost in her own heart,

"No wonder no one loves you."

you lie again.

but keen ears trained from years of work with villains hears you, for the first time, he hears you.

not the rebellious teen he's seen yell out strings of pure hatred and fiery insults like he's her own worst enemy.

it's the girl who he saw waiting on the steps to their apartment all those years ago. waiting for her mama to come back home with the promise of cupcakes.

it's the girl who never smiled for the remainder of elementary school.

it's the girl who's heart withered way that autumn evening.

he heard the softest little voice in the dead of night. he heard his daughter cry

"No wonder no one loves you."

.

.

.

"But I love you."

for that whole night, for that whole night.

the peace was disturbed.

for that whole night, it seemed that the moon shone once again.

it may not be the sun. but it'll do for now.

Aizawa walked away shortly after that.

leaving a little girls and her mirror image to ponder.

ponder.

---------

Afterwards I don't think he'd talk about it too much, he's proabably approach you after breakfast the next morning and tell you "you can talk to him about it if you want." but not much more than that

he definitely would change his practices though. like getting you a therapist, taking the weekends off in favor of being around the house more.

he'll let you get used to his presence first like one would with a cat, and one day. maybe years later, or tomorrow, you'll talk to him.

you'll tell him you love him too.

and maybe.

just maybe.

the world will stop,

and everything will be okay.

[actuallyseraphic]

i know mha has a weird ass fandom but like im kind of sad its ending.... fandom aside, i think mha was one of like the first mainstream animes ive watched and like the plot is good, the show is good, but i think the fandom ruined the show so now people are like "oh im so happy mha is over, i was so tired of the fans blah blah blah" which i think the only reason i would be happy abt it ending is that the weird side of the fandom would stfu.. but for the good side of the community, most of us have been following the manga and watching the episodes as theyve come out so for that to finally stop after so many years is so crazy to me.. anwyay sorry for the yap that made no sense

rip mha ill miss u (specifically bakugo)

[carefreecoffee]

Flufftober Day 2: Confession w/ Ochako Uraraka

Word count: 715, Gender-neutral reader

The bell rings, signaling the end of the day as I follow the rows of students filing out of the UA building. I greet my best friend Ochako who seems to be able to light up my day without fail.

Her bright brown eyes light up as she waves to me, “Hey! It's a nice day out isn't it?”

I smile towards her, feeling elated already. “Yeah, glad it's not too hot, training would have been horrible!” 

As we escape the crowds I observe the cherry blossoms falling from the trees. How the sun glides through the branches with ease, meeting the swaying grass. 

I feel Ochako hum in agreement, “I completely agree! Training in the summer when it's so hot is the worst, I'd much rather train in the fall, it's a lot more relaxing don't you think?”

I hum and avert my eyes, looking back at Ochako. However her eyes are also transfixed on the trees, “It really is beautiful today, the cherry blossom trees are in full bloom.”

I nod, feeling a faint blush creep up my neck as I take in her appearance. The glow illuminated her soft features and even softer hair. “Y-yeah! Really… beautiful.”

Thankfully, I think she didn't see the nervousness on my face. We continue our moderate pace.

“So, what are you doing after school? I don't really have anything planned today, so I'll probably just go back to the dorms and hang out there.” Her sweet voice reaches my ears as I get lost in her words. 

I shrug and match her tone with a smile, “I might do the same honestly! Classes got me beat.”

She nods and exasperates a sigh, “Yeah, classes are pretty exhausting. I swear Aizawa-sensei is always giving us the hardest exams and training exercises. He's a great teacher though.”

The more she rambles, the more I get lost in her words. “Mhm, strict but I know he cares.” 

As my words die out, I look around and watch as the amount of people decrease around us. The cherry blossoms seem to duplicate by the meter.

I feel my heart rate quicken, having an internal conflict with myself. With a final breath, I stop in my tracks.

Ochako stops only a bit further ahead of me. “Is everything okay?” She tilts her head a bit. Cute.

I fumble with my bag strap and attempt to avoid her gaze. “O-ochako? Um..”

I can feel her eyes on mine, trying to make contact with them as she steps closer. “Yes?”

I lift my eyes up. They feel the heaviest they’ve ever been. “I lift my eyes to meet hers I um.. i know this is kinda an awkward time but i uh.. I like you. And I just wanted to know..since you're not doing anything tonight if you'd like to... hangout?”

I keep my gaze fixed on her expression. Her eyes widened ceremoniously as if processing what I had just said. “You like me? Me?” She directs a finger toward herself as her cheeks turn a palen pink, matching the blossoms falling around us. 

I sheepishly nod, finding it harder to keep eye contact.

She takes a deep breath, my nerves pick up their pace as my bag strap takes the brute end of my sweaty palm.

“Um… can you say that again please?” My eyes perk back up as I'm taken aback by her question. “I uh.. I like you Ochako.”

“You’re not messing with me, are you?” I panic slightly and wave my hands frantically, denying her crazy question. “N-no! Of course not!”

My panic subsides as I hear a giggle escape her lips. My whole world is back on track as I calm down. “Okay, okay, I believe you!” She clutches her hands together behind her back as I watch her bite her lip.

“Then.. would you wanna hang out later?” I feel confidence flow back into my veins as the cherry blossoms seem to have been my good omen. The wind rustled them to fall harder, something you’d only see in movies. 

Her brown eyes meet mine once more, “I’d… I'd like that! A lot actually.” Her answer relaxes my senses as we continue walking out of the courtyard, closer to the dorms and closer to each other. 

[alexandriawrites005]

FanFicition

hey guys!! so I'm completely new to this but I wanted to start writing fan fiction. I don't know how i want to fully go about this but i will say that i had X reader requests open! I don't know how to like get requests so just comment under this or dm me Please!

REQUESTS ARE OPEN FOR

All SBG characters

MOST percy jackson character (Just ask before requesting)

MHA characters (Im not completely caught up tbh)

and if you have anyone else you want me to do lmk and i will let you know if i can!!

i do NOT write smut (sorry to the gooners) Im just not comfortable with it. also please realize that i may deny your request if it makes me uncomfortable and if i do write it it may take some time as i am a student in 3 sports and 4 clubs!!

[neevblanc]

˚｡⋆୨୧˚Blanca's Cafe Event˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

Welcome..."come on in!"

Hello there! I haven't ever done an event on this blog, so i decided I'd try my hand at it again :)

THIS EVENT WILL RUN FROM: DECEMBER 18 - JANUARY 28

SEND ME REQUESTS, PLEASE! ♡ more info under the cut lol

Rules..."no shoes, no shirt, no service."

One character per request! There's no limit for request per person, go crazy.

FANDOMS I WILL WRITE FOR:

Boku No Hero Academia

Spider-Verse

Marvel

Bungou Stray Dogs

Haikyuu

Obey Me!

Stardew Valley

Criminal Minds

Doctor Who

...and more! please feel free to ask if you have another fandom not listed here!

I WILL NOT WRITE:

❥ nsfw! (meaning from smut to heavy gore- this event isn't for it. My blog is sfw! Canon-typical violence is 100% okay!)

❥ incest!

❥ problematic age gaps!

❥ things/topics that will land you under basic dni criteria! (ex. homophobic, transphobic, etc. sentiments will not be tolerated!)

everything else should be free range!

Menu..."what can I get for you today?"

Each order will receive:

❥ drabble/one-shot with your character of choice!

❥ song to pair w/ the 1shot

❥ moodboard

How it Works..."any questions?" Give me at LEAST one word! any at all, from "dogs" to "gazebo"- I'll use the word to think up your order! If you have any specifics in mind, let me know! You can give me a full scenario, if that's what you're feeling. If not, a single word/phrase will do! For example: "Bakugou brainrot fr...house slippers. thats it thats the prompt"

note: if you want specific traits for reader, like age, platonic/romantic, or pronouns, please specify! Otherwise I will try to avoid mentioning anything too specific, and by default I write reader as non-binary.

Thank you..."for visiting! come again any time!" if you have any questions, please feel free to dm or send an ask! I'm super excited to do one of these again. Thanks for reading and or sending a req! <3 take care and remember to drink water! - blancaaa

[dekuxnaya]

crazy ex deku

some smut at the end x rape

your ex Deku is crazy. little back story

you and Izuku was dating for 5 years. when one day you walk on him cheating on you with Ochako. he begged to get back together and you said no(like a 100 times like calm down my nigga) anyway, thats when he started getting crazy. he dropped out of UA and became a psycho villianxyandere. Y/N also dropped out of UA and moved to korea to get away from Izuku end of backstory. after 3 years of not seeing him she started getting weird texts from an unknown number saying like ''i miss you baby'' can't wait to see you baby'' and you knew exactly who it was. Y/N got scared and planned on moving cause she knew he was coming. 3 weeks later you was getting ready to move as you was getting in your car you passed out of nowhere.

you woke up in a abandon nasty house in the dark. you could see glowing green eyes you looked were you was and saw you was tied to the bed you got scared and started screaming for help. out of nowhere you mouth got covered by a hand with black glove the voice from the random man said '' be quiet baby save your voice for when you scream my name'' you recognized his voice but still couldn't recognize him. You asked ''who are you'' he said '' you don't recognize me princess'' and out of nowhere he bit your neck and you screamed he said '' didn't i say be quiet'' thats when you actually recognized him '' izuku is that you'' bingo baby'' he twisted you over face down butt up. and he ripped your pants near you pussy and stuffed his dick in there(fact his dick is like 7 inches) anyway you screamed his name ''izuku mhmmh'' you moan really loud in pleasure and pain. this was going on for like 3 hours straight you cummed like 5 times and he cummed like 2. he made you cum like one more time and that made you break your last straw. he laid you down with his cum in your pussy. and said'' i love you princess you will be mine forever''.

THE END. PART 2 MAYBE. LIKE AND SHARE THANK YOU.

[havviiii]

mina ashido x fem!reader i made on wp

[dejizi]

I have something coming out but Ive forgtten how long it takes me to write cause I get distracted so easyliy 🥹 the transition of being a wattpad writer to tumblr writing is hitting fr

[janelovxx]

MHA characters reply to your story

(except it's a Thirstrap) 🔥 part 1

Tiktok account: @sakamotoyumi_

Feel free to request!

[fluff-n-cookies]

Imagine this

you're Aizawa's support teacher, you also are quirkless.

but you are the world's great support hero.

from teleportation guns, to serums that can temporarily give some ones quirk, to holograms that act like solids and weird pokemon that are programmed to have a 100% success rate.

but does class 1A know this?

HELL NO.

for all they know you might as well have the same quirks as Monoma or be All for One in secret.

but when they DO find out Bakugou is the first one to speak up.

"NO WONDER YOU'RE NOT A REAL HERO. YOU'RE WEAK"

cut to him getting his ass whooped the way he deserves .

"Bakugou. I thought you were smarter than this. don't you see just because I am quirkless does not mean I am powerless."

-- (Y/n)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so yeah I'm thinking about having this as a series.

like just shenanigans of a badass, yet soft big sis (Y/n) being a total girlboss and Dabi having the biggest crush on her but shhhhh if shiggy finds out it's all over

ofc I am writing for myself so please no hate.

and yes i know I'm a terrible writer but that's why I'm here! to practice and get better.

[pipiririo]

Hey chat random post but if I posted an “x oc” for MHA would u guys read it🙏🙏 I have had everything planned from the start and if u guys have my ao3 (miushui) yk I like to write very…1800’s core

IDK?? I feel like my texting style vs. my writing style is SO DIFFERENT HELLO

Characters name is Kurumi Yoshikawa btw, the whole story is basically like Sacrata Eros (Fyodor fic go check it out cuz imma post soon) where the FL is basically a tortured governmental victim whose ideology is to save people from the societal constructions set in place by their own government. Its theme is basically changing a society’s norms for the greater good.

LMK CHAT!!! rio out [insert heavy mic drop] #cringe

[1-sasha-stuff-1]

Chapter 12: Exam Day of Into Another World a MHAxReader fanfic

A/n:

I go back to school tomorrow :( (Send help).

Anyways, here's the next chapter and I hope you enjoy!

Warning: some language here and there (Don't really proofread any of the chapters that I write so if anything is off or something, I'm sorry. I'm just too lazy to check sometimes but I'll work on it, lol.)

Key:

d/n - dogs name

h/s - hair style

| | | | | | | | |

"I'll see you later, d/n. Wish me luck!" 

You locked the door to your home and walked down the pathway and onto the sidewalk. As you walked on, you enjoyed the calmness and quietness of the streets before they got busy and noisy. The display of warm colors had taken over the sky, creating a contrast with the blue and white clouds. The sun seemed to resemble a golden coin, or a dazzling gem in the sky.

And where were you heading so early in the morning? Well, you were going to take the entrance exam at no other than the most prestigious high school for future heroes.

UA High.

It was currently early in the morning, about 7:30, but the entrance exam started at 8:30 and you wanted to make sure you got there early. The day before, you had asked Midoriya if he wanted to walk with you so that you both could go together, but he had other plans. Well, the plans being that he had to go to the beach and inherit All Might's quirk, but you didn't need to know that. You wore your black sweatpants with a f/c shirt and put your hair in a h/s, along with your favorite shoes that always seemed to travel with you wherever you went. Although it was still peaceful outside, someone decided to ruin it.

"Oi, Insect! Wait a goddamn minute!"

Turning around, you spotted Bakugo a few meters behind you, walking towards you with an angry expression. Sighing, you turned around to fully face him as you also stopped walking in the process, hands shoved into the pockets of your pants.

Ever since he tried to blow up Midoriya and you took the hit for him and after class the same day, he kept his distance from you. Even when you sat at your desk and Bakugo beside you, he kept his mouth shut most of the time, only really calling you 'pest' or 'insect'.

"Huh, wonder what he wants...."

He finally came up to you and you both began to silently walk together towards UA. Neither one of you said anything to the other person.

A few minutes passed and still, the two of you were too stubborn to talk to each other first, so as per usual, you broke the ice first as you kept your head forward but talked.

"So, how's it been?"

It was quiet again until Bakugo spoke up.

"What's it to you? And besides, why are you even talking to me, huh?"

"Well, you were the one to say 'Wait up, you pest!', weren't you?"

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes at him.

"Come on, be for real right now, Bakugo."

"I am being for real, you damn pest!"

"Uh huh, sure you are."

It turned into a (yet again) silent walk once more for about ten minutes until it was broken, but by the young male beside you.

"I’m talking about your left side."

Looking forward, you hum in thought. Was he being an ass to you, or was he actually genuinely worried? 

“It’ll be fine. I’ll just have to be on some medication for a month or two, maybe only a week if my body works it out faster or whatever.”

Although you didn’t see it, Bakugo exhaled a breath he was seemingly holding in, now releasing how tense he was as he was awaiting your answer. He didn’t want to accept the truth, but he was pretty worried for your condition after the incident had happened.

You glanced at him from the corner of your eye, noticing how his brows were furrowed and his lips were pressed into a thin line. You felt a pang in your chest, knowing that he blamed himself for what happened to you. You wanted to say something to reassure him, but you didn't know how to break the ice.

You decided to change the topic and lighten the mood.

"So, are you ready for the entrance exam?" you asked casually, hoping to spark some conversation.

He snorted and looked at you with a smug grin.

"Of course I am. I'm going to ace it and become the number one hero. You should be glad that you're walking with me. Maybe some of my greatness will rub off on you."

You rolled your eyes again, but this time you smiled.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Bakugo. Just don't get too cocky and blow yourself up, okay?"

He scoffed and glared at you.

"As if that would ever happen. I'm not like that useless Deku who doesn't have a quirk. I'm a natural genius, him."

You shook your head and chuckled dryly.

"Sure, sure. Keep telling yourself that, Bakugo. Maybe one day you'll actually believe it."

He growled and clenched his fists.

"Shut up, you pest! You're so annoying!"

You laughed and nudged him playfully.

"Aw, come on, Bakugo. Don't be like that. You know I'm just teasing you. You're my friend, after all."

He blinked and looked at you with a surprised expression.

"Friend? Since when are we friends?"

You smiled and shrugged.

"Since now, I guess. Unless you have a problem with that."

He looked away and muttered something under his breath.

"No, I don't have a problem with that. It's fine."

You grinned and wrapped your arm around his shoulder.

"Great! Then it's settled. We're friends. And friends stick together, right?"

He sighed and rolled his eyes, but he didn't push you away.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just don't get in my way, okay?"

You winked and gave him a thumbs up.

"Got it. I won't get in your way. I'll just be right behind you, cheering you on."

He smirked and nudged you back.

"That's more like it. Now let's go and show them what I’m made of."

You rolled your eyes and followed him as he quickened his pace and walked slightly ahead of you so that you couldn’t see the red that crept onto his face.

| | | | | | | |

The two of you conversed with each other as you entered the gates of UA, slightly getting to know each other better as they both thought the same thing in their heads. 

"I guess being friends with her/him isn't so bad after all...."

As the two of you walked on, students around started to whisper among themselves and their friends/classmates. 

"Isn't he from the sludge villain incident?"

"Who's that walking next to him, his girlfriend?"

"Nah, I heard from a friend of mine that goes to their middle school, they're apparent rivals of some sorts...."

The whispers went on and on as the two teens walked on, that is until Y/n got a rough nudge from Bakugo as he looked over to someone else in the crowd.

Midoriya.

Bakugo guided the two of you towards his direction as he "accidentally" bumped into the poor boy as he stopped his muttering and looked at Bakugo.

"K-Kacchan! I-"

Before he could finish his sentence, he looked at you with confusion and slight betrayal in his eyes. 

"Y-Y/n?"

Smiling tensely, you looked between the boy standing in front of you and beside you. 

"How's it going Izuku? It's good to see you-"

"Why are you with him?"

Confusion came across your face as you looked at the green haired boy, was he mad?

In his mind, he was slightly hurt that you had walked with Bakugo instead of him, even though he couldn’t walk with you to begin with, but he couldn’t help feeling those emotions.

“Why do feelings have to be so complicated?”

"I was just walking with him over here for the exams, you know, since you were busy with something."

"R-right, sorry."

"No, it's alright Izuku, don't worry about it!"

Bakugo tsked as he looked at the two of you, slight disgust written on his face.

"Eh, you guys are weak, I'm going to go and ace this test. Unlike you two."

Bakugo walked off, leaving the two of you alone.

Looking at Midoriya, you smile as he smiles back and you both continue on your walk.

You felt a wave of relief wash over you as Bakugo left. You didn't like how he treated Midoriya. You hoped that he wouldn't bother you again during the exam.

You turned your attention to Midoriya, who was still looking at you with a mix of curiosity and admiration. You wondered what he was thinking, and if he still felt the same way about you as he did before.

You decided to break the silence and start a conversation.

"So, Izuku, are you excited for the exam?"

He nodded and smiled.

"Yeah, I am. I've been studying and training hard for this. I want to prove myself and become a hero. Just like All Might."

You smiled back and nodded.

"I know, Izuku. You’ll do amazing, I'm sure. Even without a quirk"

He blushed and looked away while laughing awkwardly.

“Y-yea, right. Without a quirk….”

| | | | | | | | |

“WELLLLLLCOME!!!!!! EVERYONE SAY ‘HEY!’”

Everyone in the huge room was silent.

“Damn, I feel bad for the man.”

Is all you thought as Present Mic silently said a low ‘okay’.

“Anyways! I’m here to present to you the guidelines of your Entrance Exam!”

Besides you on your left sat Midoriya as he fanboyed over the pro hero (Present Mic) talking about the Entrance Exam as Bakugo sat to your right and rolled his eyes.

“Will you tell Deku to shut the fuck up? If you don’t, I’ll do it myself!”

Bakugo silently whispered (yelled) in your ear as you turned to face Midoriya.

“Izuku! Please be quiet or you’ll ask questions on what he had been saying later!”

“R-Right, sorry Y/n!”

Midoirya was now quiet as you all began to pay attention to the loud hero once more. 

“After the presentation concludes, you’ll all head straight towards the location you have on the card that was given to you all earlier!”

Looking down at your card, you noticed that it had the letter ‘G’ while Midoriya had his location the same as it was in the Anime, along with Bakugo.

“They're separating us so that none of us from the same middle school can work together, uh. I was hoping to beat Deku’s ass.”

“H-HUH?!”

“Each site contains three types of faux villains, you will have to use your quirks to defeat them and earn the points that they may have! Obsoully based on the type of villain you defeat!”

“Excuse me! May I ask a question!”

Turning towards the direction of the voice, you see a dark blue haired boy with glasses standing up from his seat while holding the piece of paper on the information you would have to know about the practical exam. 

Tenya Iida.

“Come to think of it, Midoriya didn’t run into Uraraka like he originally did….”

You got lost in your thoughts as Iida continued on with his little rant on the fourth faux villain, until he pointed towards the green haired boy behind you.

“And you! The one with curly hair next to the h/c girl! You’ve been muttering this whole time, it’s distracting! If you can’t take this exam seriously then leave!”

Midoirya muttered a small ‘sorry’ and shrank down into his seat as you patted his shoulder, telling him it was okay as Present Mic answered Iida’s question.

“Um, Nice catch, examine 7111! Although, unlike the rest of the faux villains that are worth one, two, or three points, that fourth one is worth zero points!”

The blue haired boy pushed his glasses backup and sat back down.

“Thank you for clearing up that information! I apologize for not reading the handout thoroughly enough!”

Present Mic was seen having a few sweat drops from his forehead until he cleared his throat and began to talk once more. 

“It’s alright! That villain is kinda like a security guard of sorts! But instead of giving you  points to defeat it, it’s just a barrier trying to waste your time, so I would just ignore it and continue on my way if I were you!”

He clapped his hands together as he was concluding the presentation.

“Now, go break a leg out there everyone!”

“PLUS ULTA!”

| | | | | | | |

Standing outside of a fake city labeled G, you felt a surge of adrenaline and anxiety. 

You could see the tall buildings, the narrow streets, and the hidden traps that awaited you. 

“Breathe in, breathe out…” you whispered to yourself, trying to calm your racing heart. 

You scanned the crowd of other participants, hoping to spot a friendly face, but you recognized no one. 

You were alone in this challenge. 

Sighing, you headed closer to the massive gates of the city and continued to control your breathing. 

“Alright, Y/n, you got this. The minute he says to start, run as fast as you can.” You repeat your mantra in your mind, psyching yourself up for the task ahead. 

“Breathe in, breathe out, in, out, in, out…” You heard a loud voice booming from the speakers. 

“BEGIN!!!” 

You didn’t hesitate. 

You sprinted towards the now open gates as the rest of the crowd stood there, stunned and confused. You ignored what Present Mic was saying, something about following your example or whatever. 

Upon entering the city, you closed your eyes as you focused on using your quirk to turn small and the all too familiar hornet wings sprouted from your back. You soared into the air, searching for the robots. 

You were determined to prove yourself in this exam.

| | | |

Same time, different location….

| | | | | |

In a spacious room, several UA teachers were watching the students on multiple screens, each showing a different part of the entrance exam. 

They were commenting on the performance of the applicants, especially the ones who stood out from the crowd.

“Well, that was unexpected.” A man with long, black hair  said as he saw the all too familiar girl with wings fly over the city, dodging the robots that tried to shoot her down as she was the one to take them down.

“Ooh, how daring. She must have a lot of confidence in her abilities. I wonder what else she can do with those wings.” A woman with a revealing costume said, admiring the girl’s boldness.

“Indeed, she seemed to have shown great initiative and courage. She also wasted no time in entering the city and activating her Quirk, what’s her name anyways?” 

A man in a cowboy getup asked as he leaned over to a white mouse in a suit, who was operating a computer.

“L/n Y/n is the name and her quirk seems to be called Hornet! I suspect it’s a mutation type of quirk.” The mouse said, pulling up a separate screen with Y/n’s information. 

“She can transform into a human-sized hornet or shrink to the size of a regular insect.”

“She’s smart, too. She knows that flying gives her an advantage over the ground-based robots. She can scout the area and avoid detection, especially because of how small she was able to turn herself.”

A man who was literally concret said a serious expression on his face as he analyzed the girl’s strategy.

“Hmm, yes, very impressive. But she should also be careful. It says that she has had a recent injury a couple months back, could ruin any plan she has in mind if she injures it again.” 

A man with wild, blond hair and a gentle smile said, expressing his concern.

“Hey, hey, hey! Don’t be so negative! Let’s cheer for our students! Go, Y/n, go! You’re the best! You’re the coolest! You’re the-” 

A man with tall, blond hair and sunglasses shouted, waving his arms.

“Enough, Present Mic. You’re giving me a headache. And you’re supposed to be impartial. You’re the announcer, not a fanboy.” 

The man with messy, black hair and a tired look said, rubbing his temples.

“Aw, come on, Eraser Head. Don’t be such a killjoy. Let me have some fun! Besides, didn’t you tell me you knew her or something? You should be cheering for her as well! I bet that Y/n girl is gonna be in the top 5!” Present Mic said, challenging his colleague.

“Oh? I bet she’ll get a place between 10 and 20.” The R-rated hero said, accepting the bet.

“Look, there’s one of the robots. It’s about to fire at her.” 

The skinny looking man said, otherwise known as All Might (in his weak form) said, pointing at the screen.

“Let’s see if she has a plan in mind or is just as reckless as one of us in this room.”

| | | | | |

A/n: 

Welp, Y/n is friends with Bakugo......Right?

And of course, Yn is totally not interfering with the cannon events and changing them without knowing herself......Right?

Anyways, you got the chapter and I hope you guys enjoyed it!

Have a good rest of your day! :)

[bakudanma]

Why.. why is mhaxreader posts on my dash??????

[devieuls]

Obsession

Keigo Takami  x Fem Reader ¡ smut !

Warnings: masturbation, porn addiction, cam girl, overstimulation, masturbation in the workplace, teasing, a little bit of materialism, Hawks Dom, fake femme fatale eroticism.

Synopsis: Japan’s #3 hero has no time to date women or to fuck them for fun, so he throws himself into the world of cam girls, beautiful and erotic girls doing things for money, there he will meet you for the first time, becoming obsessed with you and you... with him

Length: 2K+

First part of.....???

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hawks was certainly not new to cam sites, he often used them as an alternative to porn when he needed to masturbate and watch some pretty face while he was cumming.

He certainly didn't miss women, they fell at his feet like leaves from trees in autumn, but he didn't want to vent his cravings with a crazy fan or a horny milf of fresh meat. If he had a woman, he would have treated her like a Queen before taking her to bed, not just to vent a momentary craving, he wasn’t the kind of man who used women to throw them away like garbage.

This was one of the many reasons that led him to masturbate in his office when he had to relax, hidden from prying eyes and unwanted attention, while watching pretty girls touch themselves and showing off for money on the cams. He didn’t like porn very much, it was too fake for his taste and sometimes he could also sense the discomfort in the woman who had to follow a signed scene

Later that afternoon, he had a break from his busy schedule. Being a hero was as beautiful as it was stressful, especially if you are the n.3 and you are the young age of 22 years. So he gave himself a moment of leisure with his long neglected intimacy.

Sinking into the comfy chair he typed "cam girl" on his expensive laptop, finding an ocean of sites promoting 'insured fun', but it was one that caught his hawk-eyes " SinfulAngels ".

He didn’t know if it was for the name that contained "Angel " or for the "sin" " who followed him, but became so curious to choose him and enter the site.

From the beginning he could see a lot of live shows of pretty girls trying to attract the attention of the audience through skimpy dresses or sex toys. Things he used to see in these kinds of broadcasts. Yes, the girls were pretty, but no one particularly took his attention... Until a notification appeared in the corner of the screen, "Miss_Desire is now live". Intrigued he clicked the notification and it was there that he saw you. The live already with 3K of people connected, writing in comments and making donations on donations.

You wore red lingerie, ridiculously provocative and sensual, that wrapped your body leaving strategic points uncovered; a body harness made of scarlet leather and chains wrapped the top, connecting to a chocker with "Desire" written on it; The hair lightly collected in a high tiled tail, leaving some strands on your face; Light and provocative make-up, with a red lipstick that made your lips inviting.

Hawks was enchanted at your sight, feeling a familiar tingling between his legs, getting comfortable in the chair and watching you greet the audience. You were, in his eyes, a mix of erotic and angelic, the perfect girl for a site with such a name.

You lay on your stomach while reading some comments left by donors, modest figures but surely appreciated by you. You were starting to warm up with your fingers in your underwear.

< Easy with the chat guys, I can not read you all if you are so fast, slower, mh? > You giggled with a deep voice, you loved to see all those men who turned on the least thing you did. Keigo tried to donate, but the site forced him to create an account first, which he did promptly, both to interact with you and to get your attention. It was the first time he felt the need to be noticed by someone.

The donation system was almost easy to understand:

Roses: low-level donations, the price started from 10¥  to a maximum of 99¥  .

The stars: donations of intermediate level, price between 100¥  and 499¥  .

The fires: high-level donations, the prices were between 500¥ +.

You put yourself together when you got the notification of a donation of 500¥ , making many small fires appear on the screen. You smiled biting your lip reading the name of the donor, a certain "Your.master".

< O-Oh, we have a high player among us... Tell me, my sweet master, what can I do to thank you for the donation? > your voice was playful at first. You loved high-end donors, the ones who had no problem paying big bucks to see you do erotic things for their pleasure. You made fun of them, you knew it was part of your charm, and that made you feel powerful. You weren’t for sale to men, they were slaves to your erotic beauty.

Hawks smiled maliciously at seeing you so confident, imagining what it would be like to see you in real life, appropriating your boldness and your confidence. His wings trembled at the thought of touching your skin caught in some erotic lingerie, imagining it smooth and soft to the touch.

  Your.master: “ Use a vibrator to play with your pretty pussy"  he wrote frantically, leaving a warm sigh. He was already feeling tight, which made him slightly nervous.

In the structure there were still his employees and sidekicks. Who knows how inappropriate and dangerous it would be if they caught him masturbating in front of a screen for a camgirl. Yet another thrill shook his back and he simply sent one of his feathers to lock the door, hoping not to be questioned about burrocratic things.

You laughed at his request, it was something you had done before, but never for such a sum of money, surely exaggerated. You didn’t object and got out of bed, going to a shelf attached to the wall, moaning while looking for the suitable vibrator to give you pleasure. When you found it you went back to the bed that was placed right in front of the cam, you sat with your legs open and took a deep and calm breath.  

Hawks licked his lips seeing you in that position, dressed in lingerie and chains, God would have thrown you on that bed in front of everyone, making you forget you were live and working. Filling you up, getting drunk on him...

< You’re new. I’ve never seen you before, master > you mumbled the title provocatively, making Hawks tighter and tighter in those cargo pants he was wearing. < Naked or dressed? > you asked nicely, while activating the vibrator in your hands.

Your.master: I am new and wanted to pay homage, anyway babybird dressed.

< I love homage...> your tone was mischievous and provocative, alluding to much more. Hawks' head was already flying with imagination.

You bit your lower lip, starting to press the toy on your pussy, panting slightly and moaning with pleasure. Your head fell backwards as your chest swelled to recover air, your eyes closed and your fingers fiddling with the object between your legs. Hawks unbuttoned his pants and unzipped releasing his already hard cock. He took off a glove with his teeth, throwing it on the desk, then began to massage his cock to seek relief.

< Little perverts... mhh... are you touching for me already? Take it easy, I like to see you exasperated by my body > you said between the moans and grumbles, making you even more erotic in the eyes of the Hero. Something in those words sent a wave of blood over his cock, causing him to ache in need.

You arched your back when you hit your still covered clit, squeaking with pleasure, leaving the vibrator at that point. You swear with pleasure as the chains rattled on your chest because of your spasms. Began to sway your hips to relieve the tension that was building up inside you. Your free hand squeezed on the sheets, pulling them to find a comfortable hook for that fire that was eating you inside.

Your.master:  Babybird... I need you to hold on a little

Hawks did not know how hard he could write on the keyboard, as his other hand had already begun to move to relieve him while his eyes were mesmerized by your body movements.

He found the sounds you left so damn exciting, the way your legs were shaking for pleasure, your wheezing, the little twitching you were having when you hit a sensitive spot. He was already so drunk on you, after so few minutes.

His  hand was moving faster and faster around his aching dick, breathing heavily and holding back the hoarse moans, while you tried to resist the need to cum in your expensive lingerie. You had to satisfy the requests of a good suitor like him, No one has ever offered you so much money immediately, especially to do something so innocent compared to other requests.

Hawks was eager to cum, yes, but he respected women, even those who did an erotic profession like you. He didn’t want to see you naked right away, so he thought, even though a voice inside him told him he would be jealous if everyone looked at your pretty pussy. As if they hadn’t seen her before him..

Your face was red and tired, your mouth open as you moaned louder and louder, drooling a little with pleasure, your eyes ajar and watery as you tried to keep your legs open and not come. Such sweet torture for your already wet pussy but a heavenly view for the blond on the other side of the screen. He felt closer and closer and when he wrote you could come, you released yourself against the vibrating object and on your fingers, soiling the bottom of your underwear. Your orgasm was so strong and intense that it made Hawks cum too.

He leaned his forehead against the glass desk and sighed heavily, it was intense enough that masturbating in front of a live, so intense that he felt slightly dirty inside, but he liked it. Her face was slightly red due to orgasm and shortness of breath due to the multiple times she had held her breath for watching you, her eyes slightly tired and her balls definitely a little emptier than before.

Your.master donated 1000 ¥

You crawled back, still shaking for the orgasm, to the computer to read the notification, you couldn’t believe it. All that money to stay fully dressed and use a vibrator. You just assumed before, but now you were sure, You should have held on to that boy. You know, your golden goose.

Your.master : You were fantastic, nightingale.

< Someone is really spoiling me between compliments and donations, beware my dear followers, there is a new opponent in live >  giggles ironic, then back slightly serious. < Anyway, thank you, master > 

Your voice was still broken by your orgasm, slightly weighted but always deep and sensual. An unusual stamp for a cam girl, as many pointed to infantilism and pretending to be innocent and angelic, almost golden.

The hero loved the character you played, was already obsessed with it, fucking real, erotic and to eat...

He was already ready to make more donations, asking for more things to do for him, but someone knocked on his office door and forced him to leave your live show. He cleaned up the mess he had made with some wipes and handkerchiefs, trying to pick up all his cum, then cleaning his wet dick and fixing his hero uniform, returning completely professional.

He sighed slightly frustrated at not being able to see you again and sent one of his feathers to unlock the door, then snapped a < Forward. > slightly too sour for his usual friendly tone.

At that moment he would kill his secretary who brought him some documents, but remained calm while she timidly explained some things about his agency and future events. Not knowing that his mind was still on your red lingerie and vibrator that he so envied for touching you down there.

God, he already wanted to hear your voice again and see you still basking in bed, clutching those sheets... who knows what it would have been like to fuck you, making you feel all its greatness inside. Would you have tightened the sheets like that? would your legs have shaken?

He knew, he was almost certain.

He knew himself too well to lie to himself. He was obsessing over you, slowly, but he was.

Hawks, hero #3, a prodigy who climbed the podium effortlessly, was obsessed with a cam girl whose name he didn’t even know. Pathetic.

-----------------------------AUTHOR'S NOTES ---------------------------

Maybe this will be a mini-series, I’m already going to write the second part, but I don’t know how many parts will come out and when they will come out. I hope you enjoyed this first part.

- Mel

[fanfictiondreamscape]

L.O.V.E. (?)

Name:  L.O.V.E. (?)

Genre: angst, angst, angst - more so the remiscent type of angst, and some super slight romance, and super slight vent fic

Pairing: Misc. X GN!Reader

Notes: This is what happens when I feel an oncoming panic attack and need to release whatever messed up stuff my brain is gonna form whether or not I like it. 

Fair warning for this little thing here, though: this is not very story based, much rather like a random train of thought. It may also be a little unhinged, but what can one expect when dealing with something that they don’t know how to navigate well in the slightest? 

This is also semi-based around the song “LOVE” by PEGGY, emphasis on semi-based. I was hopping between songs that I thought would be able to satiate my sense of despair and partial loathing, but that song was the kicker for this piece. 

Below the cut.

(03/01)

This started out okay.  This was easy at first. I was blind to the absolute disaster this would be to my wellbeing, but... I still want it.  I still crave it.  ....Maybe. 

Click.

(03/03) 

Crying doesn’t help. I’m not externally shaking. There aren’t tears streaming down my face. But it doesn’t feel right to not let it be outward.  I can feel my heart pounding in my ears.  I can also feel their hands over my ears and eyes when that one sound got me to flinch and freak out. I can feel their fingertips pushing my hair behind my ear, and their palm on one of my cheeks with their lips oh so gingerly pressing the slightest on the other.  I can feel their breath on my neck, and their hand on my leg, brushing sweet, simple little circles right by my kneecap. I can feel their hugs, tight and warm and comfortable and nice.  I can feel their gaze linger, and the tears that were about shed all because of a cheesy little moment in a TV show. I can feel the vibrations of their voice from behind, and their grip wrapped around my upper arm and my waist.  But as much as I can feel, that fails to negate the fact that this is both the beginning and the end.  Things are never gonna be exactly the same, not unless years pass by first.  This is a whole new door, and the options are limited as to what happens next.  Plan as many dates as one can desire, but I’m not them. I don’t have control over their decisions, and I know that I have no right to be particular about what they do with their time.  So this shouldn’t sting so much.  ... It does.  Why does it sting so much?  Lack of affection from previous partners? Lack of safety? Understanding?  Is it me? Is romance that foreign of a concept?  My cynicism can only go on for so long.  I can only maintain the thought that love is something that isn’t important for so long. 

Click.

(03/07)

At least, in my book, my brain and heart shouldn’t mix. They shouldn’t combine, because if they do, something will happen that I know I’ll come to regret in the future.  I know I want this.  I know I want the fleetingly teasing touches, the gentle affection, the mutual respect, the comfort, the safe space in the form of people.  I know I want it.  I know that I find that fact hard.  I know that my heart is actively trying to shun that knowledge, and that my brain is trying to enforce it.  I never thought that I’d end up here, honestly. I thought that I’d be able to go through life with little worry in this regard. I thought that love would come, and that it would come when necessary, when some unknown force knew that it was time to push it unto me.  Is this the universe doing just that, or am I rushing it do that?

Click.

(03/12) 

I shouldn’t have done this. That door should never have opened, and I should have never even fathomed letting it materialize. Nothing good comes from pessimism, panic attacks, and persistence.  This should be good.  I know that, logically, this is good. I know that this has the potential to work.  I know that this was the stipulation. The catch-22. The deal with the metaphorical devil.  I knew that when I let this happen.  When they leave, what do I do? If they’re alone together, I can only accept that fact. That’s all there is to do.  I wish I could find the capacity to cry about this. 

Click.

(03/14) 

I’ve never been in love before this. Never really had a chance to, if I’m being honest. I‘ve always found it cheesy, and my focus was never directed towards something that “shallow”.  I’ve been questioning if it really is that shallow, now.  This whole deal has been good. Really, it has.  It’s nice, feeling like I’m appreciated as opposed to hearing it from the mouth of my mother, father, or family member. Even teachers, bosses, and coworkers can say it and it doesn’t hold as much meaning as the small actions and expressions they direct at me.  It only just now dawned on me that this is selfish.  I want to love, I want to be loved, and I want to share love.  Physical, emotional, mental - I want love to be a part of my life.  But they come first, that’s the end of this story. That’s all there is to it.  However, love is selfish by nature.  Someone wants someone else to themself, or to themselves.  They want that person or people to be there with them at all hours of the day.  They want to hold their hands, and press fluttering pecks to their pulse points.  And now, it’s in my grasp. It’s been in theirs, though, and now I feel awful for thinking about how wrong my thought process has been.  ...  I have a feeling that I need to calm down before this progresses any futher. That, or I need to up my anti-depressant prescription.  Whichever comes first, I guess.

Click. 

Slam.

Rustle. 

“I need to get some sleep.” 

- 

“Still, I’ve never been in love.

Is that something that I want?

Convince me I’m fine, 

I’m not losing my mind.

Maybe it’s just not for me. 

No! 

I don’t need L-O-V-E.

Maybe I’ll just wait and see.

I might need L-O-V-E....”