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ramblings-of-a-chaotic-neutral · 3 months

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Hello again everyone! It's time for another Merlin au! This time featuring Uther's propaganda and a healthy dose of misunderstandings and pain! :D

This au was inspired by an idea that I pitched in a reblog of one of @tamaha's amazing posts! (Also, shoutout to my awesome mutual @achillesuwu, since you asked to be tagged when I wrote this! :) ) You can find that original reblog here!

EDIT: You can find part two of this au here!

In canon, we know that Uther had children drowned for using magic, and that most of those children were likely warlocks who were born with their magic. However, we also know that most people in Camelot believe that magic is a choice and that it's impossible for someone to be born with it, so how did Uther justify to his people both the existence of child warlocks and the killing of children for something that they had no control over?

Well, Uther utilized his propaganda to justify killing young warlocks. He found some ancient text that hypothesized that warlocks got their powers from being reborn demons, and he used those very shoddy sources to justify his actions.

He spun stories about how warlocks looked human, but weren't human at all. He told the people that while those warlock children might have looked like regular humans, they would grow into powerful demons that would hunt down regular humans and eat their souls to gain more power.

Uther's propaganda campaign was successful, and soon, warlocks were some of the most feared magical creatures in Camelot. The people were terrified at the thought of a beast that could consume souls and blend in among them, unable to detected until it was too late.

Warlocks were a regular element of the nightmares of all of the children in Camelot, who would jump at every shadow and wonder if it was a warlock, there to devour them. Arthur was among those children, lying awake late at night, trembling with fear at the thought of any person he passed on the street being a warlock who would eat his very soul, denying him any afterlife and instead turning his soul into more magical power for the warlock.

And fast forward to some point after Arthur's become king, Merlin has a pretty painless magic reveal. Arthur and the knights were out hunting, they all get ambushed by bandits, Arthur takes a bad hit that would probably be fatal, but Merlin rushes to his side and, without hesitation, uses magic to heal Arthur's wound.

Arthur was, of course, very upset to learn that his manservant and best friend has magic, and they have a big argument over it, but no one physically attacks anyone (despite Gwaine's threats to kill Arthur and the rest of the knights and run away with Merlin).

So, everyone endures a rather tense and awkward ride back to Camelot, where Merlin is the recipient of many irate glares from Arthur and reassuring looks from the knights. When they reach Camelot, Arthur bans Merlin from his presence until he calls for Merlin again. He says that he can't stand the sight of Merlin at the moment, but Merlin will owe him a full explanation later. Merlin tearfully agrees and holes himself up in Gaius's chambers for a few days, while Arthur makes an ass of himself with his foul mood, snapping at everyone in the castle.

The knights try to point out to Arthur that while, yes, Merlin had magic and had lied to Arthur, he had only revealed it to save Arthur's life. Most of the knights used that point as a tool to comfort Arthur and ease his temper, but Gwaine used that fact to rub it in Arthur's face how terrible of a person Arthur was being towards the man who had just saved his life.

Finally, after the whole castle had to suffer through five days of Arthur's prattish and unpleasant behavior, Arthur summoned Merlin to his chambers, feeling calm enough again to actually hear whatever nonsensical reasons Merlin would give for turning to magic.

You see, what Arthur, the knights, and pretty much everyone in the castle had assumed was that Merlin had probably just picked up on some small useful enchantments and healing spells for Gaius's old study of that material. Arthur was angry at Merlin for turning to magic, but he could understand where Merlin was coming from.

Everyone knew that Merlin cared about his friends to the point of idiocy, so it made logical sense that Merlin, since he had the resources available to him, would resort to learning healing magic in case of an emergency. Arthur understood that aspect of Merlin more than anyone else.

Knowing that Merlin's magic was probably just the result of him being a loving and caring idiot did help ease the blow for Arthur, and truthfully Arthur didn't plan on punishing Merlin at all. To Arthur, hopefully confining Merlin to his chambers for a few days would discourage any future stupidity along these lines, and they could put this entire situation behind them.

So, when Arthur summoned a distressingly pale Merlin to his chambers and demanded an explanation, he expected to receive some stuttered response about learning a few spells from some of Gaius's spare books and to extract a promise out of Merlin that he'd never turn to magic again, and then everything would be fine.

However, when a wrought looking Merlin opened his mouth to explain, Arthur's heart plummeted to the floor. At the very first words of Merlin's explanation, "I was born with it," Arthur's chest went cold, and he took a few staggering steps backwards until his back hit the cold wall behind him, his eyes seeking out his blade.

Merlin was born with magic. That made Merlin a... a...

"Warlock," Arthur whispered, his eyes teary and terrified all at once.

Merlin stopped his explanation and tilted his head at Arthur, a small grin pulling on his lips. Arthur flinched back slightly at the sight of it, unable to form a coherent thought beyond the all-encompassing terror, dread, and sorrow that swirled around his mind.

"Ah, so you do know the correct word for it then! Yes, I am technically a warlock, but the distinction doesn't really matter that much anyways."

Merlin made a dismissive gesture with his hand, as if his words hadn't just completely shattered Arthur's heart. Arthur couldn't even listen to the rest of Merlin's explanation through the rush of his heartbeat and breathing in his ears.

The terror gripping his heart shouted at him to fight or flee, don't just stand there waiting for him to decide that he's feeling peckish for souls!

Arthur suddenly registered the pallor of Merlin's skin and the hollowness of his cheeks and came to the awful conclusion that he doesn't have much time, Merlin's already hungry and Merlin was stepping closer there was no time to escape nonono!

Arthur closed his eyes, unable to look at what must have been Merlin unfurling whatever demonic jaws he kept hidden and preparing to eat Arthur's soul...

But the sensation of his soul being devoured, whatever that was supposed to feel like, never came. Instead, he just felt a hand on his forehead, and after a few seconds another one cupped the side of his face.

Arthur hesitantly opened his eyes, almost not wanting to look upon Merlin's happy, friendly face that had always brought nothing but comfort. He didn't want those caring eyes to be that last thing he saw before he died at Merlin's hand!

Slowly, Arthur steeled himself and blinked the tears from his eyes, willing to at least face his death like a true warrior, looking at it head-on.

But, as his vision cleared from the tears, Merlin didn't look like his death, or like any sort of soul-eating monster. He just looked like Merlin, and by god wasn't that the worst part of it?

Merlin slowly smiled at him as his tears dried, coaxing him away from the wall and towards his armchair by the fireplace. Merlin gently guided him over to chair and helped him into his seat, holding Arthur's hand the entire time.

Arthur, once he was sitting, looked over at Merlin, still holding onto his hand and whispering comforting words to him, and Arthur felt like a small, scared child again, freshly awoken from a nightmare and jumping at every shadow.

It took what must have been hours for Arthur to catch his breath, stop his tears, and cease his body's terrified trembling, and Merlin sat next to him the entire time, drying Arthur's tears and comforting him.

Eventually, Arthur looked Merlin in the eyes again, and he could find nothing in them but love and care.

Whatever Merlin was, however hungry he must have been after going five days without being able to hunt for souls to devour, he apparently didn't see Arthur as a target.

Arthur took a deep breath, maintaining eye contact with Merlin. Alright, Merlin might be a soul-eating demon straight out of Camelot's worst nightmares, but he saw Arthur as a friend, not a meal. Arthur... Arthur could work with that.

He just... he needed more information before doing anything else. Merlin was still looking at him with love and concern, and with each passing moment, Arthur became more and more convinced that Merlin was still Merlin, warlock or not. And damn it all, that still counted for something. It had to count for something.

Now that his fear was marginally under control, questions swirled around Arthur's head. How did Merlin even eat souls before this? How often did he need to eat? Did he need to also eat food, or did he sustain himself and his powers on souls alone?

Before he could ask Merlin any of the pressing questions that were on his mind, Merlin had already helped Arthur out of his chair and towards his bed, readying a limp Arthur for bed whilst the king was drowning in his own thoughts.

Before Arthur even knew it, Merlin was pulling blankets over him and snuffing out the candles in his room. Merlin promised to visit Arthur again in the morning to tell him more, and Arthur barely registered his words over the storm of his own thoughts.

When morning came, Arthur couldn't even tell if he had gotten any sleep throughout the night or not, but he woke up exhausted either way. Only a few minutes after the sun had risen, Merlin burst into the room, still looking paler than usual and helping himself to one of the sausages that was supposed to be a part of Arthur's breakfast.

Just the sight of Merlin eating anything made Arthur feel slightly queasy, imaging some terrified soul being devoured at Merlin's hands. Arthur took a deep, steadying breath before getting out of bed, allowing Merlin to dress him as he normally did.

Merlin, much to Arthur's relief, was still acting like nothing had changed, like he was still the same harmless Merlin that Arthur knew him as before yesterday.

If that was how Merlin wanted to act, then Arthur was fine with it. Truthfully, even with all of the questions that Arthur had surrounding Merlin's nature, he found that he didn't really want answers to any of them. Answers would make this new reality, one where Merlin was never harmless at all and where there was a demon hiding under his best friend's skin, real for Arthur. If Arthur didn't have any answers, then he could just... pretend that everything was still fine, like nothing was wrong.

To keep Merlin by his side, he would gladly accept ignorance and pretend like nothing had changed.

However, there was still one issue that Arthur needed an answer to, to confirm that Merlin was still the man who Arthur always thought him to be.

As Merlin was cleaning up Arthur's breakfast plate, Arthur cleared his throat, getting Merlin's attention. Merlin quickly turned around to meet Arthur's gaze, but Arthur didn't feel scared meeting his eyes this time.

"Merlin, I'm willing to let everything that was revealed yesterday be forgiven, and everything can go back to normal."

Merlin gave Arthur a beaming smile at his words, and Arthur continued with a solemn heart.

"However, there is one thing I need to know. You've never..."

Somehow, the words eaten the soul of an innocent person were so vile that they refused to pass Arthur's lips, so he chooses an alternative.

"... hurt anyone who didn't deserve it, right? And you never will in the future? If we are to have any sort of trust between us, you must answer me honestly"

Arthur figured that, if Merlin was indeed forced to eat souls to survive, Merlin was probably feeding on bandits or enemy soldiers that Arthur and the knights would've killed anyways. It was the only explanation, as innocent people didn't mysteriously turn up dead regularly enough in Camelot to indicate that Merlin was feeding on them, and Arthur knew, deep down, that no matter what he was, Merlin would never do such a thing.

Merlin froze at Arthur's words, his smile falling. He lowered his gaze briefly, before meeting Arthur's eyes once more, determination shining brightly in his eyes.

"Arthur, I swear to you, anyone whom I've hurt with my powers were enemies of Camelot. Whatever I've done, I did it to protect you and your subjects."

Arthur nodded, satisfied and relieved by Merlin's answer. Nothing had to change then, Merlin was still his friend and manservant, albeit with powerful magic and an appetite for the souls of his enemies. Arthur could... tolerate that.

As the weeks went on, Arthur found himself thinking about this new side to Merlin less and less. Merlin was still acting exactly as himself, so there was no reason for Arthur to worry, let alone dwell on any thoughts of warlocks.

(And if he had a familiar nightmare from his childhood featuring a warlock, then that was Arthur's business and Arthur's business alone.)

Everything was fine, and months passed without any incidents. That was, however, until Arthur noticed Merlin becoming paler, his cheeks hollowing out again, and his eyes sporting heavy bags. As he took in the changes in Merlin over the past few days, he came to the sickening conclusion: Merlin was getting hungry again, and would need a soul to eat soon.

But Camelot was at peace, there were noticeably less bandits roaming the streets in the past year, and no assassins had come to the castle in the past months. Arthur could see that Merlin's usual... hunting grounds... had been drying up, and he needed to find a solution immediately. Arthur shivered at the thought of what devastation Merlin would unintentionally bring down upon all of them if his hunger ever got out of control.

After several hours of brainstorming on Arthur's part, he finally had an idea. It sickened him to have to consider, but he would do what he had to for the sake of Camelot.

Arthur called for Merlin to follow him as he made his way into the dungeons, where only one prisoner was currently being held. The prisoner was a minor noble who had killed several of his own servants and then used his status as a member of the nobility to cover up his involvement in the murders.

However, the nobleman was sloppy, and there was evidence left behind that proved his guilt without a doubt. He was set to be hanged for his crimes in two days time, as per Arthur's own judgement at the noble's trial, but... if he was going to be executed anyways... perhaps his death may be of use.

(What Arthur didn't know was that the real reason why Merlin looked so exhausted was because Merlin had spent every night for the past week searching for and compiling evidence that the nobleman was behind the murders, as the bastard would've gotten away with it otherwise.)

To Arthur, the criminal's death could be used to ensure that Camelot's only source of magical protection (and Arthur's best and dearest friend) didn't starve to death or go into a hunger-induced rampage, whichever came first.

Slowly, Arthur made his way to the nobleman's cell with Merlin trailing after him, where the criminal was bound to a chair on Arthur's orders. Arthur solemnly opened the door to the cell, gesturing for Merlin to follow him inside.

As soon as Arthur set foot in the cell, the nobleman started begging him for mercy, pleading with him to lower his sentence, not knowing what punishment Arthur truly had in mind for him. Ignoring the soon-to-be dead man, Arthur turned towards Merlin, who was startled by Arthur's intense stare.

"Arthur? What's going on?"

"Merlin," Arthur choked out, his voice rough with guilt, sorrow, and fear alike. Merlin rushed to Arthur's side at the sound, trying to urge him out of the cell, away from whatever issue was causing Arthur such pain.

Standing firm, Arthur cleared his throat.

"Merlin, I need you to... to do something for me."

Concern marred Merlin features as he reached out to Arthur.

"Of course, I would do anything for you Arthur."

Arthur swallowed roughly, trying to force his next words out of his throat. He'd ordered executions before, hell, he'd even ordered this man's execution before, but this was much, much harder than any of the other orders he'd given.

"Merlin, I need you to... take care of this man, as you normally do for enemies of Camelot."

Merlin reeled back with shock, looking somewhere between confused and hurt.

"Arthur, you can't possibly mean for me to..."

"I'm sorry, but yes Merlin, it needs to be done."

Merlin stared at Arthur for a few more moments, before slowly nodding his head and turning towards the bound criminal.

As Merlin stepped closer to the doomed noble, Arthur closed his eyes and turned his head away. Perhaps it was cowardice, but if there were ever a time for Arthur to show such cowardly behavior, it was here. He didn't want to see this part of Merlin.

He did, however, hear everything. There was a scream from the criminal, which was sickeningly cut off by a loud wet crunch that echoes off of the cell's walls, and then there was no sound in the cell except a very loud silence.

Arthur slowly opened his eyes to the sight of Merlin standing in front of a corpse and tried to believe that everything was still normal.

And that's a wrap on this au! Man, that got darker than I expected it to be.

Be sure to let me know if you'd like a continuation of this au!

And, as always, thank you for reading through my ramblings! :D

#bbc merlin #merlin #merlin bbc #arthur pendragon #merlin au #merthur #merlin prompts

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justwonder113 · 1 month

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Sharing a bed with Han

Chan; Lee Know ; Changbin; Hyunjin; Han; Felix; Seungmin; IN;

My Masterlist

Summary: While in your twenties you do lot's of crazy stuff like walking up to a stranger and claiming to him that you're dating now. One bed trope; Friends? to lovers; Idiots in Love. Reader and Han matching each other's freak Warning: CURSING It's me who's surprised there, one or two adult jokes. Please inform me if I miss anything. Not proofread. A/N- Hey my lovelies I'm sorry I was absent for so long. Apart from studying I also started to work which took much more time and energy than I thought and my mental health wasn't also the best. But thankfully I'm feeling much better now and I quit that shithole too so I have time to get back to writing, which I'm really excited about. I came up with some new ideas and I can't wait to write it. Requests are open too so if you have anything you want me to write feel freeto ask. Reblogs and comments are highly appreciated. Also I want to thank you all for all the love and support you have given me it means the world to me. Feel free to share your thought I just love knowing what you think about my work^^ Word count- 3k

Inspired by this post right here⬇️ It immediately made me think of Han

Being in your twenties is surely an interesting experience. One might expect of you to be this grown up adult making this important decisions, being all busy doing important stuff, paving your own way in life making connections etc... and You do there's no way you can escape all that grown up shit. But being in your twenties is also really awesome and interesting because despite being this hardworking people who have their shit together people in their twenties also have the tendency to do a complete 180 and to put it simply do some batshit crazy things and then carry on like it's just a regular Tuesday. Well you would know you're in your twenties and you really just proved yourself your point.

You considered yourself quite normal, rational with few crazyish tendencies because you were human after all. To put it simply you were an average person living their life. Like others you were trying to pave your own way in life, hence why you were here in this university working your ass off. You wouldn't call yourself impulsive or crazy even though you had done your share of let's just say some questionable stuff. Nothing special right? But sometimes the parasites the demon you just took over. Like now, what the hell was up?

To paint the situation more clearly you were just finished with your midterms and came out of your last exam. Of course it took a lot of energy and effort from you, heck you were barely standing on your feet from fatigue of couple sleepless nights. Maybe it is what made you act up? Not sleeping for really long time made people lose their minds, you had read about the Russian sleep experiment who gave a fuck if it was a creepy pasta.

You were the first to come out of the exam room and obviously overjoyed from bending over the most difficult subject of the semester. You really outdid yourself, all your hard work and dedication paying off. Well being beyond giddy with excitement you wanted to leap from joy to express your happiness.

It's like you felt the adrenaline levels in your body rise, that's when you noticed a boy your age come out of the exam room next to the one you just left. He also looked really happy and pleased wit himself.

Unable to contain your excitement you walked up to the boy who looked quite handsome you might add, and raised your hands and yelled high five. Were you disrupting other students? -Maybe. Did you care? -No not really. The boy was confused for a second but quickly came back to his senses and high fived you. And this is when a really dumb idea stuck you and before you could even think it over and talk some sense into yourself you intervened your hands and got a little closer to him. A smile crept up your face, somehow amused at the poor boys visible confusion. To be honest you had never seen someone who looked so cute while confused. "We're dating now, love you bae." You couldn't believe this words left your mouth and before you could embarrass yourself even more you quickly left leaving the poor boy behind. God he must have been so shocked.

One might think that that's where thing ended up right? And who would blame you? Any rational person would think that you're crazy and/or delusional and would make sure to avoid you at all cost. But we're not talking about rational people in this tale and things didn't end up there. As it turns out the boy, his name being Han Jisung as you came to know him, was just as crazy as you if sometimes not more. For the past year since that happened, that semester and one more he never missed and whenever he saw you walking in the hallway he always made sure to wave at you all excited and as dramatically loud as possible yell "Hey baby". It didn't matter what the distance between you was, whether you were on the opposite ends of the hallway of standing literally next to each other, everyone's eyes always would end up on you some amused some annoyed faces faced towards you. You always felt torn between finding his antics absolutely adorable and this whole interaction being your highlight of Uni and at the same time wanting to die of shame for all that attention. Honestly at this point you had quite not so (not at all) small crush on him.

That also lead to your dilemma. Despite basically half of the uni thinking that you and Han are dating you obviously weren't. But you were definitely friends. You first normally talked to him when you were at the party one of his friend threw. To be honest you weren't completely feeling yourself that day and when things got a bit too overwhelming you excused yourself and sneaked away to the balcony where you found him. He greeted you as per usual, not failing to put a smile on your face and suddenly you forgot you were feeling tired and overwhelmed. You talked a little about how parties sometimes could be a little too much and then something just clicked. Both of you completely forgot about the party you spent hours talking about everything and nothing at the same time and you felt so at peace while also feeling excited and completely immersed in conversation. You two got even more close when your friend started dating his friend. Naturally both your friend groups got closer to the point that now all of you decided to enjoy much awaited free time together and here you were now in the beautiful beach house you had rented. Looking stunned at the double bed you and Han were supposed to share.

You really liked him, way much more since you got to know him better and got closer to him. You couldn't even imagine not having him in your life. Which is why you kept your mouth shut about your feelings. There were few moments where you thought that maybe he did reciprocate your feelings but knowing how flirty and goofy his personality you decided to let it go and not to hold tightly to the moss. You wouldn't risk losing him as a friend. He was the person who made you believe in soulmates. He was your comfort person, someone you could lean on, your source of joy and excitement. You loved how he literally never failed to match your freak and vice versa and all the crazy stuff you did. He gave a new meaning to being alive!

God you were really going off topic, as you could tell you really liked him, which is why you felt beyond embarrassed when you got sorted in the same room as him, and especially now that you found out that there was only a double bed in the room. Yes you two were close and both of you were used to being touchy to each other but you had never once slept together in the same space.

You cursed yourself for agreeing to your friend to switch rooms with her since she wanted to be with her boyfriend Chan, who was supposed to be Han's roommate. You thought that it was not a big deal because you thought there would be two separate beds, you didn't really bother to check since all you wanted was to get sorted quickly and go to sleep as fast as possible. You would so smack her in the morning, you wouldn't risk going into her room now afraid of seeing not so pg stuff. This was the last time you were going to be considerate to your friends! Especially not after she whispered to you before heading to her room that this was your chance with Han and advising you use protection. Like you needed that on top of everything. Your mind already felt like blowing up!

God you were feeling so awkward you couldn't even fully enjoy how beautiful and perfect everything was, not even how this fluffy straight out of heaven bed was basically calling your name, it basically felt like it was tormenting you.

"Well this is interesting." You tried to break the silence and looked over at Han who looked like he wasn't breathing, God just what did Felix and Minho whisper to him? "Han?" you called out to him a bit alarmed when you noticed or maybe hallucinated who even knows that he was starting to pale. Well it did work and he quickly snapped out of it and gathered himself.

"Listen if you feel awkward about this I understand, I can go sleep in the living room." Han spoke with soft reassuring voice and it did help calming your nerves a little making you fell all soft inside. You had to pull yourself together.

"Oh no Hannie, that couch looked uncomfortable as hell, there's no way you can sleep on that your back will hate you for it!" You tried to reason, and Han thought for a second before bringing up another idea about sleeping on the floor but you didn't even let him finish the sentence. "Listen Ji, this is just as much your vocation as it is mine. You're here to relax and have a good time not to sleep on the floor! Thank you for being considerate, I really appreciate that, but I can't make you sleep on the floor. As long as you're comfortable with it we can share a bed. We're both adults let's not make a big deal out of this." Han looked at you in the eyes for a as if second making sure you were really okay with this then nodded his head softly.

"I'll take a shower first if that's okay with you? Han looked a bit dazed for a second but he quickly snapped out of it. "Yeah sure" He stuttered out and as if to distract himself went over to his bag to search for something.

You couldn't help but squeal on the inside about how cute he was being while heading to the bathroom but once it actually dawned on you that you would be sharing a bed you kinda wanted to bash your head against the wall it just felt like a right thing to do.

You made sure to thoroughly wash yourself to the point that when you got out of the shower you were convinced that you were sparkling. You quickly did your skincare, got dressed in your cute new set of pyjamas and even applied some perfume for that extra fresh feeling. Yup you were definetly sparkling. Also the way that Jisung visibly gulped the second he saw you enter the room? Just perfection, an ideal ego boost! Maybe sharing a room with him wasn't such a bad idea.

Han quickly washed up and here you were in the dimly lit room, in the same bed as him. The bed wasn't as big as it seemed, despite keeping your distance you could still feel his bodyheat, hear his every breath, smell his body wash and his natural a bit musky scent...God you felt like a creep! How the fuck were you supposed to sleep in here?

Han was also visibly nervous your bed was almost vibrating from his constant fidgeting and despite finding him cute and all that if he didn't stop in the next five seconds you would smother him with your pillow. Sighing to yourself you started bracing yourself that you two wouldn't get much sleep today.

Jokes on you you were out like a light switch in like 20 minutes. You only awoke because a suspicious sound coming from the next room, you know the one you don't really want checking. Also by the way his hands tightened around your waist Han was awake too. Wait what?

As if fanfiction gods were laughing at you from above you were all tangled up with Han as if him hugging your waist and you using his chest as a pillow wasn't enough. Oh yes you were both adults you could control yourselves nothing would happen, you just HAD to do a speech!

Okay back to important stuff, what the hell were you supposed to do now?- pretend to be asleep? There's no way Han hadn't noticed that you were awake you two were conjoined like Siamese twins! He probably could even tell the slightest shift in your pulse which went up a lot in this 30 seconds in fact you were pretty sure you would have either panic attack or would just simply pass out. It was 50\50.

God how did you manage to find yourself in this situation? And more importantly, who the fuck smells so good and feels this comfortable to hold? This was so not fair!

Han's soft call of your name brought you back from whatever the hell was going inside your head, his voice was warm asking you if you were awake.

"Yes..."You answered quietly your voice muffled a bit from your face still being smushed on his chest. There's no way you could turn to your pillow after this.

"I, uhm..." - Han begin to talk but stammered, unable to find his words, meanwhile you're stuck in the daze, your mind absolutely flipping over how hot his morning voice is. There was no need to mention the state of your heart, that bitch was a goner.

Feeling frustrated with himself Han sighed, his arms slightly tightening around you. You don't know what compels you but you look up, maybe curiosity to know what he's thinking, thinking maybe you can read his face. The sight has you left in awestruck. His hair is all disheveled but somehow looking so fluffy and soft you really wish you can slide your fingers through his locks. His eyes which are unable to hold your gaze sparkle with the morning light. In fact you're convinced if you hadn't already you would surely fall for him from this sight alone.

'"What is it Ji?" You ask after a few seconds of awkward silence, after noting how his thumb on his hand which still lies on your waist twitches occasionally, how his chest is rising up and down quicker than normal, how his breathing isn't as even as is should be.'"What is it Ji?" You ask after a few seconds of awkward silence, after noting how his thumb on his hand which still lies on your waist twitches occasionally, how his chest is rising up and down quicker than normal, how his breathing isn't as even as is should be.

One second he is looking into your eyes the next he has his face covered with his hands whining about something you can't descipher.

"Ji?" - You couldn't mask your surprise.

"You can't look at me like that!"

"Sorry? Like what?"

Jisung looked through his fingers and scoffed as if the answer to that question was the most obvious thing ever. He sighed in defeat when he noticed that you in fact had no clue what was going on.

"All pretty and stuff." You couldn't help but grin once his answer actually dawned on you. God he was too cute for his own good.

"You think I'm pretty?"

He looked at you with unimpressed expression, then he took the pillow from right under his head and put it on his face and screamed into it like dramatic baby he was. Looking at his theatrics you couldn't help but laugh which resulted disapproving grunt of protest which backfired because it only made you laugh even more.

"Oh come on now, don't be mad! It's not everyday you hear your crush admit you're pretty!" You couldn't help but tease and you waited for your answer to dawn on him.

"Still you shouldn't tease!" Han whined from under his pillow. You wondered how much time would he need to actually realize that you admitted you had a crush on him.

"Come on Jiji! Take off the pillow!"

"No I'm dying here!" He really shouldn't spend so much time with Jisung.

And then there was a pause for a second , then two and by the third the pillow covering his face was thrown from the bed into the room somewhere and Jisung staring at you with his wide boba eyes.

"Wait a minute!"

"There it is! Took you some time pretty boy, almost had me worried." You immediately quipped back.

"Don't fluster me woman I'm having a serious moment here what do your crush?!"

"I meant that I like a pretty boy named Han Jisung but for some reason he is taking his sweet time to get that."

"You have a crush on me?" You couldn't really tell if he was teasing or if he was in awe but knowing him he could manage and do both at the same time. He sure was an unique person.

"Good thing that you're cute pretty boy."

"Stop flustering me!"

"Should I kiss you instead?"

The way Jisung whined was beyond adorable honestly how could you not tease him? Now it was your pillow that was stolen and covering his face and his little squeals,

"Hey Ji." You called after a second, he immediately answered a pillow still on his face.

"Does this mean that we're actually dating now?" You wanted to keep your teasing tone but you couldn't really mask your hopefulness. He immediately got rid of the pillow, the embarrassment long forgotten, in second Jisung had you in his arms hugging you tightly he even gave you an obnoxiously loud smooch on your cheek.

"Absolutely baby." There it was his sweet gummy smile. There's no way you could resist that, softly holding his soft cheek you leaned in and connected your lips into a short but sweet kiss. Jisung looked awestruck for a second but this time he immediately came back to his senses and leaned in to connect your lips into much more passionate kiss now well tried to at least neither of you could stop smiling after all. You really had to thank your friend in the morning, sharing a bed with Han was surely one of the best decisions you had ever made.

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tbaluver · 1 month

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Sex And The City CH. 1- The Love And DeepSpace Men

pairings: sylus x stripper! fem reader, ( one of the love and deepspace men mentioned later in chapter ! the rest shall come in the future chapters <3 ) word count: 3.7k warnings: +18 MDNI, stripper au!, lap dance, explicit/ suggestive content, pussy ate, car sex, might be ooc a/n: it's been a while since i written a long fic like this i think i might go puke i hope you all enjoy this chapter might be a while if i make the second one heh (': also would like to mention the things i wrote about strippers aren't always going to be true irl! these are things i've heard of and was informed on! running away from my pc the moment i post this any likes and reblogs are always appreciated! enjoy!

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

In the city’s vibrant nightlife, you were the most desired stripper, a magnetic presence on stage and in private rooms alike. Your performances were nothing short of mesmerizing, leaving your clients spellbound and eagerly anticipating your next appearance. What was supposed to be a short-term gig—just a means to settle some debts—quickly turned into a flood of income, far surpassing your initial expectations. Despite the less-than-ideal clientele that often came with the job, the allure of the cash kept you entrenched in the game.

Yet, amidst the sea of faceless patrons, there were four men who stood out from the rest. They were different—each one a distinct enigma that defied the usual boundaries of your profession. In a world where setting boundaries is crucial, these men challenge everything you thought you knew about your own limits and ethics. Their presence makes you question whether the love stories you once dismissed as fairy tales could, perhaps, be within reach after all.

The city’s clubs are more than just venues—they are arenas of escapism, where desires are laid bare and fantasies come alive. Stepping into this vibrant realm means navigating a landscape where the line between performer and persona blurs, where confidence and social skills is as crucial as skill, and where the stakes can be as high as the heels you wear. For those who step into this world, it’s not just about the art of dance but the art of survival and success in ones life.

The club was a place where anything went as long as you stayed within certain boundaries. You’d done your share of things with clients before, but nothing too extreme. These four, however, were different. Each one lingered in your thoughts long after they’d left.

You slide down the silver pole until your ass hits the floor, allowing you to slowly spread open your legs. The atmosphere tonight is as it always is, every man in the building eagle-eyed on the way you dance for them, the way they pay for.

Honestly, becoming a stripper wasn't part of your future plans. It was always a joke you’d tell your friends about what you'd do if everything fell apart. And now, here you are. But life happens, you paid off almost all your debt, and it makes money so who are you to complain.

The club has a prestigious reputation, attracting everyone from high-profile celebrities to wealthy CEOs. Despite the fierce competition among the other dancers for tips and regulars, things have been going really well for you here. You’re making the most money and attracting the largest crowds. The other dancers opinions don’t faze you; they had a reason to argue, after all.

You’re smirking seductively, dragging your eyes over the crowd of men on the front row, your regular crowd. The men who empty their wallets enjoying every movement you make across the stage. You’d make so much money if you offered private dances but you only take requests for your boundaries. As soon as the lights fade to black, you collect your money from the stage, ignoring the wolf-whistles and lewd comments fired in every direction. The job isn’t perfect, it comes with downsides like every other job.

“Y/N” You heard someone call your name from the front, peeking out of the changing room to meet your eyes with the manager. “You got a request in the private suite.”

“Coming!” You called out, slipping a robe over your body, your hands held protectively over your stomach so that the garment didn’t slip off.

You crossed the bar to the private suite you’d branded as your own. You slipped through the parted curtains, letting it fully close behind you to give you and your guest privacy. The room was cozy, with soft velvet booth seating and gentle low lighting. As you enter in, your gaze settled and you made immediate eye contact with the guest, a man whose presence was unfamiliar.

He was settled into the center of the velvet booth, one arm lazily draped over the top of the seating while the other held a tumblr of whisky. The amber liquid swirled gently as he took a slow sip, his gaze steady and unflinching, expecting you. The man before you was striking—his white hair, framing a face dominated by piercing crimson eyes that held an unsettling intensity. His muscular build was evident even beneath his shirt, the fabric straining slightly against his powerful frame. There was no doubt this man was quite handsome. The room seemed to grow heavier with his presence, the air charged with an almost palpable tension.

As you stepped further into the dimly lit room, you fixed your gaze on the man who clearly wasn’t one of your usual clients. With a confident smile that masked any hint of nervousness, you sauntered over to him, your hips swaying with practiced ease.

“Evening, stranger,” You say, voice smooth and sultry. “I haven’t seen you around before. What brings you to my corner of the world tonight?”

He meets your gaze with a small smirk, his crimson eyes glinting in the dim light. “Sylus.” He says, assuming that’s his name. With a slow, deliberate sip of his whisky, he sets the glass on the table with a soft clink. He leans forward slightly, his gaze sharp and assessing.

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” he said, his voice low and velvety. “I’m intrigued to find out if you live up to the reputation. Show me what you’re capable of.”

You raised an eyebrow, a confident smirk playing on your lips. “Is that so?” You replied, your tone playful yet assertive. “I’ve always been one to deliver on promises. Why don’t you sit back and watch? I’m quite good at exceeding expectations.”

The music in the background thumped with a steady, rhythmic beat. You moved closer, your body swaying that matched the music's pace. The dim lighting of the room captures the highlight every curve and movement. With a teasing smile, you straddle his lap, your hips gently rocking in time with the music.

Your hands roam lightly over his broad shoulders, fingertips brushing against his neck as you leaned in, your breath was warm against him. Your movements remained slow and deliberate, each sway of your hips were designed to tease. You could feel the heat of his body through the thin material of your outfit.

As you continued, your hands traced a path down his toned chest, your touch lingering enough hoping to spark a thrill. As you do all this, you remain eye contact with him, while your bodies are pressed together and as your hips circle around his lap. Your hands guided his large calloused hands around the curves on your body. You were closely pressed against him that you could feel the warmth of his breath gently caressing your skin.

Your eyes drift to the shot glass resting on the table. With a playful smile, you slip it between your cleavage, giving him a suggestive look. His eyebrows quirk in surprise, but his sly smirk stays firmly in place. "May I?" He asks, his voice with amusement.

You nod watching him plant his face into your chest, grabbing the shot glass with his mouth before tilting his head back to down it all. His grip on your waist remains and his hair falls back to it's usual position.

With some adjusting you stood on your knees in a staddle over his lap, hips leaning forward. One finger beckoned him closer, the other hand danced along the waistband of your bottoms. "Put it here hon." You say in a sultry tone.

He slips a bill into your waistband with a slight chuckle, his hand lingering to give your a hip a gentle squeeze. You glance down casually, trying to catch a glimpse of how much he's tipping, doing your best to mask your surprise. You resist the urge to look again, even as you catch the sight of a generous numbered bill peeking from your waistband.

By the next song started, your robe had already been slipped away, along with most of your outfit, leaving you in nothing but the most delicate lingerie. You twerk, grind, and tease him of all the angles of your body that he wished he could see.

At the end of the song, you flashed him a practiced smile, speaking in the sweetest voice you could muster. "How about moving up to VIP?"

He intertwined his fingers with yours, catching you off guard. "Not tonight, sweetie," he murmured with a mysterious smile. "You really put on quite a show. I must say, I'm impressed." He says as he softly chuckles.

"I'll see you another time. Consider me satisfied." With a lingering smirk, he placed a gentle kiss on the back of your knuckles, his gaze remaining on yours.

He gently lifted you from his lap, his touch felt gentle and tender. Setting a generous stack of cash on the table, he glanced at you with a hint of admiration in his eyes. “Until next time,” he murmured softly before turning and leaving the private suite, the curtains falling quietly behind him.

──────

That’s how you first encountered him. He started coming around regularly, but always at unexpected times, making his visits hard to predict. Occasionally, you’d catch sight of him in the distant shadows of the crowd during your performances. Each time, he’d make a point to request your presence before slipping away again.

Sometimes, there was no dancing involved at all—just drinks and conversation. At first, this surprised you, but you soon found it to be a refreshing change from your usual routine.

One day, he casually mentioned that he was the leader of the Onychinus, as if it were a mundane fact that he tells anybody. Your eyes widened in shock at the revelation, and his amused chuckle hinted at his awareness of your reaction. "Scared?" he asked, studying your response intently. You paused for a moment, reflecting on the fearsome reputation he held in the N109 Zone. Despite this, here he was, speaking to you with an ease that made the situation feel oddly casual.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart. “Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little intimidated,” you admitted, meeting his gaze with a mix of curiosity and resolve. “But honestly, you don’t seem like the kind of person who would do anything to hurt me.” There was a nervous edge to your smile, but your eyes remained steady, reflecting both your apprehension and the surprising trust you felt in his presence.

His presence, though initially intimidating, turned out to be surprisingly pleasant. The ease of your interactions made his company enjoyable, providing a welcome respite from the more demanding regulars.

Then one day he slips you a card, and at first, you thought little of it. You assumed it might be some sort of gimmick or a ploy to recruit you for something unsavory. But his explanation caught you off guard. He clarified that he simply wanted to take you out for a change of scenery, offering a chance to escape the usual routine and experience something different together. The gesture felt unexpected and intriguing, hinting at a possible deeper connection forming between you.

"You don’t have to meet or do anything with me outside of this place," he reassured, understanding the challenges and unwanted advances that often come with your line of work. "I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your trust and make you feel comfortable."

──────

It had been a long time since you’d met up with a client outside of work, and this one was unlike any you’d dealt with before. The leader of the Onychinus had sparked your imagination with both dread and curiosity. You’d imagined the worst scenarios, yet you couldn’t shake the curiosity about possibilities that weren’t as grim. After much thought, you found yourself here, enjoying a night that defied your expectations and turned out to be unexpectedly exhilarating.

His hand was cradling your neck so gently. His kiss was passionate, an intense hunger for more of your soft lips against his. It's slowly becoming addicting as you wrap your arms around his neck to deepen the exchange. You open your mouth to let his tongue slide in, the kisses getting sloppier and wetter. You were both pressed again so closely yet this time it felt a little more different from the past. The heat between your lips blooms in your stomach and it has you silently begging for more making you weak.

──────

"Y/N," You heard someone call your name from the front, peeking out of the changing room to meet your managers eyes, "You got a request from the private suite. It's a regular."

The excitement fluttered in your chest as you know it was Sylus making the request. After the surprisingly enjoyable time you'd spent with him outside the club, you felt a genuine thrill at the thought of seeing him again. You'd chosen a special outfit for this night, one bought by the money he's showered you in.

"On my way!" You called out, slipping a robe over the pretty red straps lining your body. You carefully tie the material together, ensuring the garment stays in place. With practiced steps, you crossed the bar to the private suite.

"There you are, sweetie," He says, his sly smirk now a familiar sight. "I've been waiting too long." With a playful glint in your eye, you approach him, slipping off your robe with a teasing grace. As you drop the robe, it reveals your red lingerie outfit underneath. Each cup framing your breast and letting your nipples peak through. You settled onto his lap and made yourself comfortable on your throne.

Sylus puts one hand on your waist and the other on the back of your neck, meeting you in a heated kiss. The kiss was hot and passionate and you two moved like you had done this a thousand times, perfectly in sync. Tongues battled for dominance but you let him win. Once he was sure you weren’t going to pull away, the hand on your neck traveled down your back to your waist.

Both of his hands gripped you and dragged you further up his body, moving your hips from his thigh to his grain. The action caused a small amount of friction between your heat and his cock but it was enough to make you whimper.

His hands slip further down your waist, grasping your hips harshly as he began to rock you back and forth against him. Although he wore his trousers, you can feel him grow harder by the second.

Your lips press kisses down his jawline and neck, leaving him panting. His breathing becomes more erratic with every kiss and the soft groan he would make when you would grind against his crotch. His hands run all over your body, feeling every inch and curve of you. His right hand runs up your side until his thumb rubs playfully just under your breast. With a swift motion, the lingerie top was gone in seconds. You move your lips away from his neck to sit straighter as a moan escapes your lips when his left hand squeezes your breast.

His right hand runs back down your body, caressing and squeezing your ass. He gently lifted you from his lap, guiding you to take his place in the seat. As you settle into the spot, his tall frame hovers over you. He lowers himself to your gaze, before diving in for a rough kiss, his lips bruising yours. He pulls out of the kiss and rests his forehead against yours, “I’m going to take care of you sweetie.”

He goes lower and lower, removing the thin string for your bottoms and throwing it somewhere around the room. His fingers trace your slick folds, gasping as he began to slowly pump. “Already so wet for me?”

You let out a whine when he removes his hand from your heat but your breath hitches when he places both your legs on his shoulders. His tongue dives into your entrance, licking up to your clit while his lips wrapped around you, sucking gently. "Such a pretty cunt baby." He gazes up for a bit to look at your reaction before going back down.

Your hands intertwine to his soft white locks, tugging harshly. He adds a finger to pump in and out of you at a rough pace as his tongue swirls and teases against your clit, bringing you over the edge.

“I’m so close Sy” You moaned out but he didn't stop. He adds another finger and he pumps into you faster, sucking harshly on your clit to find your release. His name spew out of your lips as you came all over his fingers and his mouth. Your nails dug into his scalp as he lapped up your juices with his tongue, not letting a single drop go to waste.

"When do you get off work?" He asks below you. "I can leave and enter anytime Sy."

"Meet me in my car in a few minutes."

──────

“You're so beautiful,” he groans, throwing his head back as he put his hands on your waist, helping you lower yourself onto his awaiting length. "'m gonna keep you all to myself" He says breathlessly, lifting you up again and lowering you on his cock. You could see his muscles flex and strain through his long sleeve shirt. He knew if he moved too soon, he would make you cum. Not yet. The feeling of his cock in your cunt felt too good for a release.

You bit your lips as you continued to glide slowly up and down his long length. He filled you too full and too much that you were lost in a trance. You didn't know you can make such sounds every time you sank all the way down until your ass hits his thighs. The head of his cock struck so deep and the sound coming from your lips were so raw and lewd.

"Fuck-hah you feel so good angel," he groan, one hand stroking your thigh as his back arched. His buttoned long sleeve shirt opened revealing his chest was pushed up against yours. His other hand holding on to your ass, guiding your movement when it got too clumsy. He would help lift you up when your thighs gave out.

"I got you my sweet girl" He coos noticing your thighs sloppy movement. Your body slumps forward onto his as his fingers stroked your spine, whispering sweet nothings into your ear.

He lifts you up as he pushed his hips upward, thrusting into you. His name slips from your lips as you buried your face in the crook of his neck. The pleasure licked your inside every time he hits that one spot again and again making your breath hitch in your throat.

The squelching sounds filled the car along with your pants and moans. He held your hips in place as he could you feel you close to coming undone in his arms. He began to thrust inside you with determination. He was relentless, withdrawing himself all the way out before plunging balls deep back inside of you.

You sobbed telling him how good his feels as you hold on to his shoulders. "C'mon sweetie come on my cock." He spoke, jaw clenched as he brutally thrusted into you with his arm wrapped around your waist. You came with a loud shot and your body spasms feeling the white-hot release. The rippling wave of your orgasms washed over you.

He connects his forehead against yours while catching his breath. "I'm going to get you out of here." He whispers.

──────

His eyes are on you.

As you sway your hips in rhythm with the music, gracefully releasing your grip from the pole, you glide across the stage in the bustier you chose just for him. You know precisely how he reacts to this look, and you wield it like a finely honed weapon, using its effect to your advantage.

Maybe one of these nights, he will stop drinking from the whisky glass he's always holding and drink from your lips instead. Maybe one of these nights you'll be brave enough to approach him yourself. To straddle his lap and innocently grind your hips against him. But every time your performance ended, he would be gone from his seat.

But for now, you continue to dance.

The lights flicker around you and the music does not help with your spiraling thoughts. The more you stand on the stage, moving your hips, purposefully bending low enough to give him a show, the more you want him. You weren't the only one who wants him though. Every night he appears, you would hear whispers and exchanges about him among the other girls. However he only wanted you.

He is quite known.

Although the N109 zone is terrified of the Onychinus leader. He's the most influential, dominant figure in the N109 Zone. However, he hasn't been seen for a while until now appearing in your presence.

The girls keep trying their luck with him every night and it makes your skin crawl. The girls don't know the reputation he holds in the N109 Zone and you kept it a secret between you and him so he wouldn't risk anything. You know you shouldn't be jealous. You've thought about him often. You thought about why he hasn't requested for you but only to watch your shows on the main stage. You don't have his number and he only texts you from burner phones so you don't know what's happening between you.

Specifically this one memory of what happened last time with him. You still remembered how he called you his sweet girl when he fucked in you in his car. His gun placed on the passenger seat as you rode him.

You don't question it. You don't dare too. You were to much lost in the trance as you try to reach your high. While he rammed himself inside you, he had promised to protect you. To get you out of there. But it was all just empty promises.

He is nothing but the devil himself.

And you knew better than to dance with the devil.

──────

“The more enticing the bait, the more dangerous things can get. Most are clueless to it.” In a secluded corner of the strip club, tucked away in the farthest booth, two men engaged in a quiet, confidential conversation. Their voices, low and discreet, barely reached beyond their private alcove as they watched the show from a distance

“Now’s not the time to celebrate. The big fish we want hasn’t fallen for it yet. Did you bring the stuff I requested?” he asked, his voice smooth and calculated, adding to the air of mystery that surrounded him. His interest in you was palpable, each moment of your performance drawing him further into a captivation. His pale skin contrasted sharply with his dusky purple hair, which fell in a sleek middle part. His eyes, a striking mix of blue and pink, seemed to flicker with an otherworldly intensity as he watched you, captivated by your every move. As he held a tumbler of whisky in one hand, his gaze remained fixed on you, as if you were the only thing in the room that mattered.

“What do you think of her?” the man with dusky purple hair asked, his voice cutting through the conversation casually. He tilted his head slightly, his striking blue and pink eyes still fixed on you, as if you were the focal point of his attention.

The man across from him glanced in your direction before returning his gaze, clearly impatient. “Rafayel, I think we have more pressing matters to discuss right now,” he replied, his tone edged with frustration.

"I think we can conclude this meeting. I would like to go meet her."

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lilacstro · 3 months

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pac: what do your tumblr followers think about your blog

this was a seemingly unserious silly idea haha, lets go. this actually is very not serious, so if you dont even have a blog, you can pick a pile, and if you have one but dont post much or dont have much followers, maybe its your sign that your account might match the description in some while. haha, regardless, enjoy<33

this reading is not for you if you are hate blogger or spread hate/misinfo through your account :/

paid readings are open :)

pile 1 pile 2 pile 3

support me on ko-fi :)

Pile 1

Haha, it seems some of you could post a lot, and your followers do enjoy it. For some majority of you, you could also be into posting manifestation, self help related kinda content. There is an empowering and uplifting energy and some kind of strong feminine energy about your blog indeed. Looks like you guys actually might post a specific genre of content and your blog overall is quite organized. Some of you could also post about things like, spreading awareness on/donation links for gaza? or ukraine? or other such things, it was coming through, and your followers support you for choosing to post this actively. I also feel you maybe are kind of an old blogger? someone who has been on here posting for a while, some of your followers might actually like to read your posts when they are free or as stress relivers, in free times or look forward to your posts. I can understand this tbh, I also liked this one blog named something luciddownloading but i cant seem to find it, ig they activated their blog and it was super sad, I hope you all keep on posting, you should get the transaction you receive if you arent, and if your blog is doing well, it is possible that it gets even better. For some of you, if you are thinking about making money through tumblr somehow, it seems possible too!! all the best and I hope it resonated.

Pile 2

Some of you here might be beauty bloggers or actually post a variety of content, or have some quirky username haha but it seems you put a lot of thought in your blog. For some of you, you might have just started posting, or your schedule might not let you post as much as you like. Some of you might even be very non judgmental and post or reblog the things you like, your blog seems like a collection of things you like rather and not really following up with some specific aesthetic, but it still looks gorgeous. Some of you might also be into posting the blunt/honest truth posts/ unpopular opinions and I see your followers appreciate that. For some of you a message is, if you are holding back thinking what you should post/post how often or on what. just take a leap or action and start. Don't think about it too much, tumblr def needs one of your cute lil blogs even if you don't post something very big/important. Start and eventually you should know. Some of you also might do secret girl blogging lmao. your account has a lot of potential to flourish if it isnt already if you dont be pretentious and post what you really love honestly, whatever that is :)

Pile 3

Your blog definitely seems to have readers from all places or countries, for some of you specifically it seems like an astro-blog/spiritual blog. Some of you might have started recently too. Regardless of whatever, your account might see a lot of transaction if it isn't already or may actually see good engagement usually. You definitely seem to put a lot of hard work in your blog, I am getting specifically for explaining things or revealing things, and I'm strongly getting a astro/tarot/witchcraft kinda blog, some of you may actually also post random thoughts/feelings/poems kind of things that you end up saving on a pintrest board. There is a lot of scope for this being a well engaged account too. Your followers definitely seem to think your blog has a lot of comforty, earthy vibe to it haha. although most of you seem regular bloggers, just incase for a few of you im saying dont give up on your blog yet if you want to, a lot of people actually admire your posts and they will just keep on growing. your blog is well loved by people who come across/read it. so dont just go yet<33

thanks for reading a silly little reading. Have a good day <3

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eregyrn-falls · 6 months

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CIPHER CULT KICKSTARTER UPDATE! ADD-ONS ARE POSSIBLE!

Hey, folks! Just received an update on this -- if you backed the Studio Bad Egg kickstarter in any way, you will have as well. But this also involves NEW customer pre-orders and some new info.

Here's what the latest update said:

Just wanted to update to help with any confusion. Surveys for address' will be sent out in two weeks. That being said, we have decided to bite the bullet and do Backerkit survey, as it will help us navigate better for any extra add-ons, new customer pre-orders that we will have, and all of the existing pledges! When you get your surveys, we also put up, as an extra add ons, the Voodoo Dolls from the previous Alex Hirsch collab as well as soldout The Owl House merch! This way you can save on shipping and not have to order twice! Now bear in mind, the surveys will be sent April 5th and you will have until April 19th to fill out your survey. PLEASE make sure to fill them out or we wont know where to ship your items come August. We are currently receiving an influx of emails and will return to them on Monday!

So, again, this is NEW INFO and it reverses what was said the other day when the kickstarter was ending (in this post here).

Especially the ability to order the plushes from the last round, too.

I'm honestly not sure what to tell people who did not back the kickstarter, but who might want to get in on the regular pre-orders for the items (or some of the items?) -- I mean, I don't know where to tell you to go for updated info on that. I think only people who backed the kickstarter before it ended can get the updates from that.

I guess one thing to do is keep an eye on the Studio Bad Egg Instagram.

I will also post anything I hear (or reblog anything that anyone else posts).

#gravity falls #stanford pines #stanley pines #mabel pines #dipper pines #plushes #merch #studio bad egg #kickstarter #ids in alt

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fyeahghosttrick · 3 months

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Ghost Swap announcements! imaaayhavewrittenthedatewrong + how to post + retroactive fills

Almost there, almost there! June 12th, our posting day, is almost upon us. Which brings me to my first point... out of all the possible growing pains of Gswap's new format, this one I was not expecting... the thing is... the anniversary... the anniversary for Ghost Trick, the date chosen especially to release Ghost Trick, Ghost Trick's anniversary. That anniversary? Is on the 19th. So that was a super fun typo to go unnoticed for two months! I am not going to change dates two days out, especially with no means to contact all participants, which means:

A FULL WEEK OF PARTYING.

Nothing like it, as someone would have it! The event will still open on the 12th, but all Ghost Swap works posted throughout the week, until June 19th, will be fully part of the initiative and will be included in the final masterlist. This might even come in handy for last-minute finishing touches, as well as for posting more than three things (as Tumblr tends to show three posts per person per day in a tag).

Now onto regular modly business:

HOW TO POST.

We're opening the floodgates on June 12th and, as always, the official ruling on what constitutes "June 12th" is as lax as can be. Follow the time zone of your heart. Whenever it’s June 12th somewhere in the world.

Here’s the deal:

Post your work (or works, if you made extra treats!) AT ANY POINT OF THE WEEK THAT GOES FROM JUNE 12TH TO JUNE 19TH, any time zone.

You are free to crosspost your work anywhere or even post somewhere else (for example, fic on AO3, fanart on deviantArt) and have your Tumblr post be a link to it. All I need is the existence of a post on Tumblr and no additional logins required in order to access the work (for example, no links to friend-locked dreamwidth posts, no archive-locked AO3 fics)

Tag the prompter if the prompt you picked was signed, #ghost trick and #ghost swap in addition to whatever else you tag your stuff with (this is the important one so people can find your work)

@ your prompter if applicable and maybe acknowledge the exchange in the work’s description. Anything conveying the general sentiment of “made for @prompter for @fyeahghosttrick‘s Ghost Swap exchange” would be nice. If you want to copypaste or summarize the prompt, that’s cool too.

FOR THE PROLIFIC TREATERS: please don’t let Tumblr eat your work. Any tag only shows 3 of your posts per day; when you post another one, the oldest one won’t be featured anymore. If you plan to post more than 3 works, I recommend to spread out your posts throughout the week. If you don’t want to do that, give me a shout so I’ll know to look through your blog for FYGT’s closing ceremonies

It should go without saying, but please show appreciation for your gift - and for any other work that catches your eye! Likes, reblogs, comments, if you like a work make yourself be heard!

And a final surprise:

THE RETROACTIVE FILLS LIST.

Scrolling our wonderful prompts, did you perchance see something so up your alley that you already drew it in 2013? The same exact idea that ate up your groupchat in early 2021? Odds are that the person who requested that doesn't know that in some odd recesses of the internet there's already a fanwork that gives life to their idea. And I think that they might want to know! So come self-rec! Reply to this post with the prompt you're referring to and a link to your work, and on June 19th I'll post all replies in a Retroactive Fills List to give them visibility!

#ghost trick #ghost swap #mod post #thanks azurefishnets and siverwrites for date mishap brainstorming and Ana for the retroactive fills idea!

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ginger-grimm · 27 days

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Another year around the sun has passed for me, almost. I did a poll, and the results were overwhelmingly a big yes. I've had a very attentive follower who's been asking me to post the form, so here we go. Please note that you can take your time with the gifts, my birthday is not until the near end of September. Whether you post the gifts now or a bit later is up to you, just remember please that I won't post your gifts until mine have been posted, I've been burned one too many times.

Otherwise, I'm really looking forward to this, I remember last year's exchange turned out great and I always appreciate doing these things. So, as always, come one come all, and have fun with this, I know I will be!

The Rules and regulations are simple, but they exist nonetheless, so here they are:

The exchange, for now, is open until September 25th, though I may extend it who knows *Kevin James meme*

You may make 1-2 requests, but hey, I will probably reblog it saying you can make more once no one requests anything *Kevin James meme intensifies*

Please reblog this post to spread some awareness, please. You can like for remembrance but just a like doesn't count (you already know this, I know my 5 regulars who come here every time)!

As aforementioned, this is open to my regular drunks and new patrons alike, so please do not be shy. Think of me as I think of birds, I am more scared of you than you are of me.

Fill out the form linked below and find the password in the form!

Please only send me faceclaims with good quality and plenty of material to use. Also, no cartoon characters. Video game characters are all right if it's motion capture. I'm not trying to discriminate, it can just be really tough for me to find material for cartoons, animes, video games, etc. as I edit by making little video clips first blah blah blah. However, if you slide in my DMs we might be able to discuss some stuff.

Please, please, please fill out all the columns I need and choose at least two gift options. It makes it infinitely easier for me to make something for you. Just remember I can't read minds and it's worse when I can't find anything in your blogs.

Remember the pleases and thank you's, pleases and thank you's make my heart grow fond.

I don't do Harry Potter OCs or Stranger Things OCs and while I don't have a specific list of FCs I don't use, I ask that you do not request anything for overtly problematic actors, thank you!

I accept pretty much any gift in return, it can even be story reviews or playlists for people who don't/can't edit themselves. If it's a story review, please let me know in the form so I know you did as I don't check my accounts every day.

I'm fine with gifts for any of my OCs - my master list as well as the link to my Pinterest is in my pinned post.

FOR ANY OTHER QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS FEEL FREE TO SEND ME A MESSAGE AND I WILL TRY TO CLEAR EVERYTHING UP!

JOIN THE PARTY HERE, THE FORM FOR THE EXCHANGE IS LOCATED AT THIS ADDRESS, PARTY PARTY PARTY

TAGLIST: @eddysocs @ocs-supporting-ocs @foxesandmagic @veetlegeuse @decennia @hiddenqveendom @arrthurpendragon @luucypevensie @nikosasaki @noratilney @wordspin-shares @oneirataxia-girl @endless-oc-creations @stelstellakidd @andromedalestrange @far-shores @daughter-of-melpomene @bibaybe

#anna's birthday bash 2024

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bigskydreaming · 3 months

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So, been awhile! Apologies for that - took a step back from most social media sites for a few months because the accumulated stresses and everpresent urgency to most things I've been dealing with for the past five plus years finally caught up with me and I kinda just....crashed, and needed some time to get my head on straight. Or whatever the non-obvious-pun version of that might be for a Known Bisexual. Everything was getting to be too constantly 'stop and go' for me, if that makes sense.....like I'd TRY to be more present on here, TRY to work on things like my patreon and fic and meta and stuff like that because I've really wanted to get back to creating actual stuff that people enjoy instead of being like My Issues: The Latest Installment and the like, but then something else would crop up and kill my momentum before it even really got going and I'd have to duck away yet again, and rinse and repeat.

HENCE! I took a more dedicated, extended leave to try and get into a headspace and build a buffer that better lends itself to me getting back to the kinds of posting/writing conditions I've thrived under in the past. It took longer than I thought, but I've never been good at accurately estimating things lol. I've still been on twitter somewhat sporadically, since a huge part of why I hate that site is its format makes it all but impossible to really get to ranting at length...y'know, as I do, my tried and true time-suck method of procrastinating...and with everything going on in the world these days I didn't want to disconnect entirely even though I did need time to work through some shit. BUT I DIGRESS.

Point is, felt like I needed something more substantial than the optimistic-but-lacking-in-actual-energy-and-planning measures I've attempted in the past couple years in order to get on top of things and achieve a measure of consistency and stability again. Less shooting for the moon because I just WANT to be back to my older, happier/more content patterns, more....putting some actual time and thought into how I can realistically make that happen instead of just trying to will it into existence through sheer stubbornness. Because obviously, THAT always works.

ANYWAY. It'll still be a couple days before I get back to regular posting/reblogging patterns or much of any of that at all.....don't be confused if you see some blink and you miss them temporary posts from me over the next day or two. I'm testing out the formatting and layout of a bunch of posts and graphics made for my patreon and original fiction stuff, since the preview post function doesn't always work with read mores in a post and they're all gonna need that lol. If anyone's up for it, I am finalizing the price/reward tiers of my patreon and could use some thoughts on the different levels - I think I have them mostly figured out but wouldn't mind some additional perspectives on how I broke things down and if I'm missing some alternatives. Just message me directly if you'd like to weigh in or lend me your thoughts!

I've never wanted my tumblr to be all about fic or just original content or anything like that, so the patreon's meant to kinda keep all that separate beyond just generalized update announcements on here. The blog will remain just a regular multi-purpose smorgasboard of my reblogs and thoughts on other posts and meta about my various fandoms and all that jazz. The patreon discord will have spaces having to do with my various fanfics, but they'll never be exclusive to it in any way, and every fic update I make will still be on my blog same as always. I've been building masterlists of all my Dick Grayson meta and all my Teen Wolf meta, as well as headcanons and writing snippets/scenes that never got posted elsewhere because I didn't consider them full fics, and I'm starting a series of posts that lean directly into my tendencies to be an Overly Opinionated Asshole who - historically speaking - has never been, uh, shy, shall we say, about Having Thoughts about various fandom patterns or trends.

So....look out for the upcoming "Kalen Vs Fandoms" post series. What? It sounded catchy to me. First up:

"Fandoms' tendency to pick one character per fandom to have every other character introduce as the dumbest person they've ever met, but no its okay, they're actually really fond of them and universally defaulting to a judgmental or patronizing shot at their intelligence every single time they're the topic of conversation among other characters just naturally happens to be part of every single other character's love language - is this perhaps NOT as endearing or affectionate as fandoms tend to treat it as?" Aka "How many people can actually say they'd be comfortable with the idea of every single person in their family or friend group leading with "I genuinely think they're stupid but I love them anyway" each time they talk about them to someone else, and if you don't think that's a normal conversation starter for people to have about a loved one, why do so many fandoms attempt to treat it as such?"

.....the length of post title should not be taken as an indicator of how long each post is. If people want to draw their own conclusions about post length based solely on the fact that they're, well, by me.....I mean. That's totally your prerogative. Nothing I can do about that!

Post topics will run the gamut, if for no other reason than gamut is an amazing word that doesn't get used enough and I wanted to use it. From "Its totally valid to project onto characters and use fic as a way to work through various issues via that projection but how much does this have to do with how defensively people react to the slighest criticism of character choices in their fics as though personally attacked - discuss" to "Criticizing and condemning the writers of source material for specific things - to rave reviews from followers - only to then do the exact same specific things in your own fics - to rave reviews from followers - while claiming that the mere fact of being a fan not getting paid for writing those specific things somehow makes them less worthy of criticism.....are we all seeing the problem here."

There's a slight chance those titles are perhaps....somewhat unnecessarily asshole-coded, but like, in a whimsical way! I think. Whatever. I'm sure it'll be fine!

Will either rhyme OR reason be involved in the order of post topics? No. Not even a little bit. Next question.

Aside from "Kalen vs Fandoms" I've been putting a lot of thought into what other topics or content I can expound upon at length, to the possible interest of people. I'm good at writing and editing and analyzing narratives. Not claiming to be the best, just not trying to fish for compliments or anything. I think my analysis of narrative and character choices has generally been of interest in most fandoms I've been in, but when I'm IN a fandom, I do personally invest in favorite characters and stories that inevitably put me in opposition to takes from fans of other characters and stories within that fandom, and when that happens, the Horseman of Discourse inevitably follows and I....do the discourse. Look, I am who I am. I see the discourse, I engage with the discourse. Unless I don't care about the topic of discourse, in which case I don't, because that discourse doesn't matter. Obviously.

SO! In the interest of posting about narrative analysis and breakdowns of writing choices, character arcs and the like but WITHOUT engaging in The Discourse, I'll be making an easy-to-find post of fandoms or source material whose characters and narratives I'm familiar enough with TO have opinions or analysises of, but for whatever reason, the fandom has never clicked for me and I've never actually felt a desire to be part of it. Thus I'm not likely to be invested or compelled enough to follow up on anyone disagreeing with my personal thoughts or analysis or various character arcs or narratives, because its literally just like, my opinion man, presented for no other purpose than to potentially be of interest to anyone who might be interested in it. No actual follow up needed on my part because I'm not particularly chuffed if people have different takes, they're totally valid, mine don't exist for the purpose of being defended there, they just exist because Opinions, I Had Them, Here Look. Or Don't. Its Totally Whatever.

Because I don't feel as strongly about these pieces of media as I do fandoms I'm personally invested in, it is trickier to come up with a comprehensive list of ones I can weigh in on. So please feel free to hit up my inbox with any fandoms, narrative or character arcs you're curious about my take on, and I'll let you know if they're fandoms I consider myself a participant in, and thus not really right for this series, or if they're something I'm just not knowledgeable about.....but if they're not an actual fandom of mine and I AM familiar enough with them to have an analytical take or response, I'll add them to the masterlist/post as a potential topic.

This series will be called and tagged "Kalen Vs Writing Choices" (That I Personally Don't Like Or Think Could Be Better). The parenthetical part is there solely to be a disclaimer clarifying that my ego is not so great that I think that My Subjective Take on the writing choices made or not made is the only one that matters. I mean, I don't intend to include the disclaimer as part of the actual tag and will mostly leave it as y'know, like, something IMPLIED, but the disclaimer still exists and thus counts. That's totally how that works.

And that's how I've chosen to awkwardly segue into the final intended-of-three post series.....Dramatically Abrupt Tonal Shift Ahoy!

This next part will get long, but I would truly appreciate it if you gave it a read despite its length and even if - especially if - the next topic isn't one you typically look for my take on, or even avoid my take on, because I don't think I'm likely to ever express my thoughts on this matter any more genuinely or directly than this. Like I'm not trying to guilt anyone or anything like that, its more I'm just trying to say if you ever read ANY single post of mine when it comes to the next topic or pick a post to base your decision on whether or not TO wade into something I have to say on this subject, I would appreciate it if you made that this next part here, as I think it best conveys where I'm coming from when it comes to most any post I make along these lines.

So. The thing is....most people who've followed me long know that in the past I've frequently been extremely vocal on topics of rape, incest and abuse, specifically through the lens of being a male survivor. These absolutely are personal for me. This has led to me having a lot of Overly Opinionated Takes on these topics and how they're talked about, depicted and treated within fandom conversations, fics, and social media spheres and conversations at large. I've also pretty obviously not posted on these topics nearly as much in recent years as I once did - but not because I feel any less strongly about them.

And that's one hundred percent because it's frustrating as hell to see a very good portion of the posts I make about any OTHER topic in my usual fandoms go on to accumulate hundreds of notes....while NONE of my posts on these topics ever break out of my direct circle of mutuals. I don't say it to be egotistical - look how many notes I get on stuff - I say it because its literally objectively factual, and the disparity is dramatic, and the disparity is a PROBLEM. Especially given how much the topics of male rape and abuse - in SPECIFIC - tend to be, within most of my past fandoms.

This disparity has a very clear reason for existing too: people have never been shy about citing that they refrain from reblogging or referencing my posts on these topics because they feel like I act like I'm the only opinion that matters on them, the sole authority to be listened to here, that I use my status as a male rape survivor as a cudgel, to shut down opposing takes or points of view.

Which I would totally be fine with or understand if not for the fact that I've always gone out of my way to express that I don't want or expect my opinions on these matters to be taken as anything other than my personal opinions born of my personal experiences, which I cite because they're relevant. I don't think that survivors should have to disclose their status or personal history or details in order to have their opinion heard on these topics, but I deeply resent how often survivors making the choice TO disclose their personal history or relationship with these topics in order to directly unpack how that informs our perspective....is weaponized AGAINST us, in order to shut down and discredit OUR takes even while literally accusing us of only disclosing in order to do the exact same thing to others.

Something that I've posted about a LOT in the hopes of getting it spread throughout fandoms that regularly talk about male rape is for literal decades I've seen people harp on about how men can be raped too, believe male survivors, don't believe the myth that men can't be raped, etc. Which like, I appreciate the sentiment, but the thing I've tried to express for years is that in my personal experience, and those of a lot of other male survivors I've talked to - this is not really the biggest or even ONE of the biggest issues most male survivors face.

And the fact that for all that there are many survivors in fandom who have made the difficult choice to be open about their traumas and recoveries - which I ALWAYS respect, as that is never easy for any of us - a huge part of why I've always made a point to disclose my own history as a male survivor is because there just flat out aren't a lot of perspectives from MALE survivors in specific, being circulated in pretty much any of the fandom spaces I've ever been in over the past twenty years. I don't even slightly think I'm any more of an expert or authority on topics of rape or abuse - beyond how they pertain to my own personal experiences - than any other survivor. But as long as the topic of MALE rape and abuse in specific, how men are affected by these things, how society reacts to us and treats us in the aftermath....as long as these are the topics explicitly being discussed.....I do think my perspective as a male survivor is pretty fucking relevant, and admittedly, I tend to get pretty heated about pushing BACK against attempts to invalidate it or shout it down as though I somehow have LESS of a stake in or right to be heard in these particular conversations. And I get how this has at times come across as attempting to dominate a given conversation.

But like.....I'm also going to point back up to the part where I said earlier....I'm an Overly Opinionated Asshole. I say it somewhat deprecatingly, for the lulz, but also not. I'm very passionate about conversations and topics I feel strongly about and I don't make apologies for it. And for the most part....this has NEVER stopped people from reblogging or liking posts I make about pretty much any other topic....despite me not really coming across that differently in most of them, compared to how I come across in most of my past posts on topics of rape and abuse.

See....I'm in complete agreement with everyone who emphasizes that rape isn't a gendered issue. That it can and does happen to individuals of any gender or identity. But the reason why I've always found the focus on 'remember that men can be raped too' more performative than helpful is because for almost twenty years, I've been posting on these topics in various fandom spaces and trying to express that in my personal experience, something that REALLY deserves to be talked about more is the fact that rape is not gendered. But rape CULTURE very much IS.

Like it or not, we live in a very gendered society still. While yes, men can be raped too.....for a number of reasons - most of them born of sexism and misogyny in specific - the conditions, catalysts and reasons for men being raped are NOT interchangeable with those at work in instances of women being raped, as an example. Because the way society treats men and women in pretty much EVERY situation is different. Similarly, the way society REACTS to men and women disclosing they've been raped is different. And so on and so on.

So 'remember that men can be raped too' has some basis in societal claims that men can't be raped or that rape IS a gendered issue....but not as much as I think most people tend to believe. And twenty years after I first started searching out perspectives of other male survivors in online fandom spaces, beyond just real world physical support groups, I'm STILL hearing 'remember that men can be raped too' dominating all conversations about male survivors just as regularly and repetitiously as it was twenty years ago....as though the world has not changed at all, and the needle on this particular facet of male survivorhood hasn't changed an inch in the past two decades when no, actually, it very much has.

The reason why I feel so strongly about offering up my perspective as a male survivor in a relative absence of seeing other male survivors' perspectives circulated is I honestly believe the reason this is so consistently upheld as the biggest problem facing male survivors is its a carry-over from women attempting to be heard and believed when disclosing....which makes sense and is completely understandable....as long as there's a complete absence of male survivors offering up any perspective that's to the contrary.

But the fact that we live in a gendered society where rape culture, not rape itself, still very much IS gendered due to being a product of....living in a gendered society....means that the differences in how society treats and reacts to men and women affects every aspect of how society treats and reacts to men and women survivors. And that starts with disclosure itself. In my personal experience - and fully acknowledging that I don't speak for any other male survivor in this moment, and I absolutely do believe there are those who have experiences to the contrary, and that matters too - MY experience, which also matters, is that not once in the twenty years since I've started disclosing about my own rape, or the csa I experienced as a child - have I actually had an issue being believed.

With full acknowledgment of how unfair it is, how gross, the reality of living in a sexist, patriarchal society where male privilege very much exists, is that while men can be raped too, this traumatic thing that happened to us does not in any way actually invalidate or negate our male privilege. It doesn't turn it off for the duration of our experience or any time its relevant to our experiences going forward. We carry that privilege with us through our recoveries and the rest of our lives just as much as we did before it, because its an inalienable result of being in a society that allocates privilege solely on the basis of being born a man who identifies and presents as a cis man (with respect to trans individuals having another axis of experience that very much differentiates all matters pertaining to rape culture, in comparison to cis men, just as much as in the case of cis women, albeit in different ways).

And the gross unfortunate reality of our society is that it ALWAYS prioritizes believing men over women, in all matters......especially cis white men like myself.

So the simple fact is....even the act of disclosure - and the likelihood of being believed when voluntarily choosing to share the information that we've been raped - means that a cis white man like myself does not receive the same reaction as most women receive when attempting to share that same information. Society preconditions a lot of people to be more receptive to taking cis white men at their word, comparative to affording anyone else that basic respect.

Getting people to believe me when I say I was raped has never been the issue for me that other individuals face.

But that doesn't mean that my disclosure doesn't result in issues for me.

Because while being raped never invalidated or negated any of my cis white male privilege, neither did having cis white male privilege negate the possibility of me being raped - OR the fact that society ALSO preconditions people to be really fucking shitty about survivors.

(Hell, ANY kind of living victim....with this also being very relevant to abuse survivors, survivors of physical assault, etc. Much like people can be overflowing with empathy for unborn children who can't offer up any take to the contrary to whatever people want to say "in defense or support of unborn children," only to turn around and cease caring about most of those babies the second they're born, people tend to be just as overflowing with empathy for deceased victims of abuse, rape, assault and the like....who, y'know, also can't offer up any take to the contrary of whatever they say or claim about what they WOULD want, what they DO deserve, etc. Present those same people with a living child or a living victim who can and DOES have an opinion that doesn't match what those people feel it SHOULD be? Watch attitudes shift VERY quickly, as allllll that empathy hurriedly flushes down the drain as though it was never there).

But the point is, my cis white male privilege is always here regardless. But that doesn't mean rape culture isn't shitty enough that it can't find a way to circumvent even that in pursuit of discrediting/invalidating/ignoring survivors, just like that privilege can be circumvented in order to create the situation where a man is raped in the first place.

Its just....the gendered nature of rape culture means HOW those attempts to discredit/invalidate/ignore male survivors manifests.....doesn't look the same as when it leads to just outright disbelieving other survivors when they attempt to disclose.

And that is how I can be listened to and reblogged on most any other topic, no matter HOW I go about presenting myself in those posts or conversations - ironically in no small part BECAUSE of my cis white male privilege - while only getting crickets when I post on these topics, BECAUSE people only choose THOSE posts to make my presentation or level of intensity a dealbreaker, and thus their very reason for ignoring anything I have to say there. Not because they don't believe me, but because the WAY I say it is too aggressive, too biased, too emotional, too intense....its an attack on their autonomy, an attempt to override whatever they previously thought or believed about the subject and just force them to adhere to my take.

Because the thing about living in a sexist, patriarchal society is.....that IS a thing that cis white men often do, and a lot of society is structured to make it easier for us to achieve this in most instances, frankly. This just happens to be a rare exception, because for a lot of reasons that would make this post even longer - and that again, I've often posted about before - upholding and reinforcing rape culture on a society wide level supersedes the usual focus on accommodating INDIVIDUAL cis white men in having their opinions heard and circulated.

I'm trying to be as frank as possible here about the intersection of privilege and experiences of being a male survivor because I don't believe its to anyone's benefit to be disingenuous about it, and I do think that it doesn't actually supplant the fact that male survivors do have just as much right - and NEED - to be heard and listened to about our experiences with rape and perspective there, and have those ACKNOWLEDGED, as anyone else.

Its just....the existence of privilege and how that differentiates most experiences in a gendered society matters, and thus.....it needs to be part of the conversation rather than just treating all responses to rape and survivors as agendered, just because rape itself can and does happen to people of all genders.

There's actually a fair amount to get into when it comes to differences in a lot of mens' disclosures vs womens' in my experience, but just as an extension of what I'm talking about here, one of the specific elements in my experience is that men often don't have a problem being believed about having been raped or abused.....but one of the predominant responses is society is heavily preconditioned to view male rape and abuse survivors as almost inevitably feeling they need to exert a similar power over someone else in order to claim back their own feelings of pride and safety in their masculinity. Effectively.....most every male rape or abuse survivor I've ever talked with at length shares a similar experience of being believed when they disclose about being a survivor....but noting a clear and direct shift in how whomever they disclosed to interacts with them....with EVERY expression of anger or outrage - particularly in the matter of their rape or abuse - being viewed as evidence of us being ticking time bombs who are inevitably primed to explode and take out what happened to us on someone else.

There's being cautious around cis white men, for example, because we're cis white men, which I totally get and am not expressing an opinion on. I'm just saying even with that acknowledged, there is a SHIFT in how people interact with me after I've disclosed to them personally, in how they....scrutinize me, for lack of a better way of putting it, in very noticeable ways and areas. Like its consistent. And think about how its not totally true that media doesn't portray men as being capable of being raped or abused, typically. Think about how often you've seen procedurals where the backstory of the rapist or abuser of the week is specifically THAT they were a rape or abuse survivor themselves, usually in childhood. Its NOT that society doesn't believe or accept that men can be raped too. Its that society is primed to default to viewing the very act of men being raped as an indicator of the shift from them being a man to being a man who is likely to become a predator themselves.

Rape appears all the time in regards to male survivors in media. Its just it usually just appears in the context of men who arent presented AS survivors, but rather as predators or aggressors themselves, and their past victimization treated as a catalyst rather than a trauma. This is not to excuse any such character or depiction of course, its simply to emphasize that the very angle from which male survivorhood is approached in most contexts is different from that of other survivors. Just like the angle from which their survivorhood is approached is different from that of male survivors. And thus the issue most men have with disclosing in my experience is NOT that we're afraid we won't be believed....its that we're afraid once we disclose, we'll be viewed as inherently more dangerous because our victimization primes us to be that much more likely to inflict ourselves on others in some attempt to reclaim our masculinity.

And its categorically NOT about any group of survivors having it better or worse than others, which is why I LOATHE people saying variations of 'you wouldn't say that about this if it happened to a woman' because anyone attempting to pit male survivors against other survivors en masse is NOT doing so for my benefit or with my endorsement. The point is just that each way society and rape culture interacts with a different group of survivors presents different problems and issues that need addressing, and aren't interchangeable.

There is a REASON why the subject of Dick Grayson's anger - usually in the context of things that have happened to him - is so important to me, specifically in terms of ensuring that its treated as something he's allowed to have....rather than an indicator that he's going to messily explode his life in a way that impacts everyone around him negatively.

Now.....if you've never considered that aspect of rape vs rape culture and how it can differently affect and shape the experiences and recovery of cis male survivors versus trans male survivors and nonbinary survivors and survivors who identify as women.....I ask that you consider what else my perspective might be able to add to actually productive, meaningful conversations about rape, rape culture and survivorhood, that you never would have thought TO think about before, without male survivors bringing it up based on it having played a role in personal experiences.

And then I just ask that you please think about the implications of someone known for being a vocal presence in certain fandoms, with a fairly sizable number of posts widely circulating throughout them......never having posts about male rape and survivorhood circulated to any noticeable degree, despite writing DOZENS of them, in all kinds of different moods, ways and intensity levels.....and all of them while active in fandoms where male rape is regularly discussed or focused on due to certain characters or storylines......and ask yourselves if it maybe seems a little off for the disparity to be THAT large. Again: I have written DOZENS of posts on this topic. All with less than twenty notes. I'll be composing a masterlist of them in the near future as well, but for now I'm just saying. Please just think about that.

While I'm going to make an effort to be more deliberate in how I approach this topic in posts going forward, tonally and in terms of word choice, I do have a right to be just as passionate about it as any other topic, and it is FUCKED UP to think that my personal experiences here should be pointed to as the very REASON I should need to be LESS passionate than I am anywhere else, in order to be heard or listened to. Still. I am not actually trying to override anyone else's viewpoint, present myself as some kind of ultimate authority, or shut down other survivors in any way....I'm just trying to uphold the relevancy and importance of adding my own perspective to the conversation.

I don't want to be the only voice listened to here. But as long as my voice is relevant, and I don't see or hear a lot of other voices speaking from a similar standpoint, I would like to be a RESOURCE on topics of male survivorhood, rape and recovery, from that particular standpoint. And even if and when other male survivors might perchance add their own perspectives with experiences and takes contrary to mine....I welcome that! Because mine is not the only one, cis white male survivors are no more a monolith than anyone else, and none of that will in any way actually invalidate my own perspective or experiences or render them no longer relevant at all.

Being a resource on a topic that has always been everpresent in most fandoms I've gravitated to - which has often been a reason FOR me gravitating to those fandoms in specific.....that has always been my ONLY goal with these kinds of posts. NOT an authority.

So, having my posts - which for all my willingness to write them, has never been easy for me and probably never will - reframed in such a negative way, dismissed and even weaponized against me - has over the years demoralized me and made it harder to find the energy TO tackle these topics, as much as I'd like to. But I do feel that I've found a second wind when it comes to this and think I'm ready to wade back into being Overly Opinionated on these topics as well.

So that's the third of the three post series I'll be starting, "Kalen vs Topics of Rape, Rape Culture and Survivorhood As Perceived Through A Singular Personalized Cis White Male Lens, Presented By (and With) My Middle Finger At Any Attempts to Subvert Or Undermine My Thoughts On Them By Reframing Them As Me Trying To Gatekeep Male Survivorhood No Matter How Many Times I Use The Words IN MY EXPERIENCE or IN MY OPINION, Which I Do A Lot, Because This Has Been Happening For A Very Long Time, And I Am Tired, But Still Very Opinionated, And Still Very Here, So Bite Me I Guess."

.....I'm still workshopping that one's title. Its a process.

ANYWAY. At the moment, I'm aiming to make one post of each once a month, and if I do more than that great, but not trying to pressure myself to do any more than that at the moment in the interests of Realism. We'll play it by ear. If I have more free time or energy than expected, maybe I'll do more. Its not like I have a shortage of Very Opinionated Opinions, after all. You've met me.

BUT I DIGRESS.

So in the interest of not making this long ass post any fucking longer, not that anyone really expected otherwise from my first post back in months, like could I REALLY even claim to ACTUALLY be back if all I had to show for it was some weak little lackluster drabble that wasn't even 3,000 words? Methinks the fuck not -

Well, have an abrupt and anticlimactic finish that comes out of nowhere despite giving myself literally 4,900 words to build to something appropriately profound or meaningful or whatthefuckever. Y'know. Your standard Kalen Classic. The abrupt and anticlimactic wrap up I mean, not the profound and deeply meaningful one. Eh. You get it.

Did ya miss me? I missed you!

PS - I was Informed that we are almost to the end of Tommy T's Tenure, is it almost safe to come back to Nightwing comics? Does anyone know when his last issue is? Have we planned the party yet? Who's on balloons, we definitely need balloons.

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winterandwords · 11 months

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For the writers living with chronic illness and physical disability

I'm going to get into writing and posting this while my brain is still half asleep and before I change my mind because it feels too personal and I don't do that online. Please excuse any typos.

Comments on a recent post of mine about wanting to write but not being able to got me thinking. I'm chronically ill and physically disabled. I have been for most of my adult life (I'm 42 now). It's been progressing slowly throughout that time and more rapidly over the last few years. It is what it is.

I don't talk about it in detail on the internet because it's impossible for me (not saying other people can't do this) to accurately represent the full experience in a way I feel comfortable with while still engaging enjoyably with an interest-based community, which is what I'd rather be doing here.

Also, people get fucking weird about it. I have no patience for *pat on the head* "well done for existing" consolation-prize pity bullshit or inspirational cripple bullshit. Equally, I have no patience for being dragged into a who-has-it-worse competition that I'm never going to take part in because I don't see the world that way or a what-about-me-ism-fuelled derailment session.

This shit is complicated. I'm on Tumblr to write and to talk about writing. But if I'm also quietly dealing with all that other stuff alongside making up some guys (gender non-specific) in my head and putting them in situations, I know some of you are too.

And you know what? It's hard. I know it is. We live in an inaccessible world and so many parts of that world and so many people in it can be brutally hostile towards chronic illness and physical disability in ways that still shake me to my core when I encounter them. It no longer surprises me, but it still fucks me up on the regular.

But listen. YOU ARE CREATING. You're doing something huge and worthy and valuable and fucking difficult. You're carrying the weight of all that other shit and YOU ARE STILL CREATING. It might take you longer than you'd like and you might be doing it in ways that are far from ideal, but you are still doing it.

You might feel excluded from communities and events and conversations, not necessarily because anyone is intentionally excluding you, but because you have no option other than to do the sick-person version of things and it's impossible not to feel like you're on the outside looking in sometimes when that's your experience.

The point of all this is that I want you to know with my whole heart that YOU ARE SEEN. Your strength and your determination and your sadness and your rage and your pain and your more-able days and your rock-bottom days are all seen.

Your challenges and your messiness and your perfectionism and your complexity and your dichotomies and the unrealistic standards and demands you have internalised from existing in an ableist society are witnessed and felt, widely and deeply, and with a solidarity unshakable enough to hang bridges from.

I'm not going to tell you that you're good enough, because it should go without saying. I am going to tell you that you're not alone, because that does need to be said. You are so much more than a conditionally-acceptable exception and you deserve to reach and exist beyond the boundaries of the small boxes you get shoved into without your consent or permission. YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE.

Alright? Alright. Keep going 💜

In case this gains any sort of traction and people start replying to it or reblogging it, I want to make something very clear. I am also neurodivergent. That is not what this post is about. I also have lifelong experience of mental illness and trauma. That is not what this post is about. This post is about chronic illness and physical disability and it's for people who are living with those specific things, whether or not they're also living with the other things.

So, in the most loving way, if you have something to say that isn't about that, this isn't the place to say it. Thanks.

#the shit in my head #writeblr #disability #chronic illness #disabled writers

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kiatheinsomniac · 2 years

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──── 𝐌𝐈𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐄 ˊˎ -

☾ ⋆ ﾟ𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 / 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: bc @teyvatmoon mentioned having migraines in a reblog of my lil diluc post n I get them a lot too so here's something for a fellow Diluc enthusiast n i hope you feel better ♡ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒: diluc 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: none

｡･:*˚:✧｡ diluc ragnvindr

♡ I can imagine that between running the Winery, working the bar at Angel's Share and being the Darknight Hero, Diluc's no stranger to stress migraines from time to time and so he knows just how to treat you.

♡ if you've got medication for them, he'll make sure that you take it; but if not, he insists you take some regular painkillers for your head. He'll give you plenty of water and will close the curtains tightly in the bedroom so that it's dark while you get settled down in bed.

♡ he'll join you and will hold you close with your head tucked under his chin, your face pressed into his chest to better block out the light that still creeps in slightly from beneath the heavy curtains, doing any little thing he can to accommodate your aching head. He also insists that you have plenty of water to drink in order to help you recover quicker.

♡ he's completely silent during this whole process, not wanting to do anything that would provoke any more pain and so the only noises from him are those of his deep and steady breathing as he holds you in his arms, hoping that it will coax you into relaxing so that you might be able to fall asleep while the painkillers do their job.

♡ one of his hands will come up to gently play with your hair and tenderly smooth this hand up and down just above the nape of your neck to try and help you unwind, to ease the stress from your body that won't help to relieve your migraine. All while he does this, he's pressing little kisses to the top of your head, to your forehead, your temple, right down to your brow before tucking your head beneath his chin again so that he can assure the light will not worsen the pain behind your eyes.

♡ he's a busy man, yes, but he truly thinks he couldn't be doing anything more important right now. Your well-being is of utmost priority to him and so he'll do whatever he can to try and help you feel better and it's in moments like these - when his busy day takes a pause and he can hold you in his arms - that he feels at peace and he's sure that these moments of respite with you are the reason behind his own migraines lessening as of late.

♡ in the end, you usually end up falling asleep like that and he can feel the pant of your steady breath puff against his chest where your face is buried. He'll pull back just enough to be able to look over how much more at ease you look once you've managed to rest and will reach out to trace all the features of your face that he's so enamoured by with the tips of his fingers, pressing soft kisses across your face and stopping at your lips before he lets himself rest for a while with you. He'll make sure that there's another dose of painkillers, plenty of water and some food prepared for you when you next wake up.

☾ ⋆ ﾟlike my work? why not: ∘ buy me a coffee? ∘ commission me? ∘ join my taglist ∘ consider following/reblogging

🏷️@kingheinrey @darlingdoctor @aeonianarchives @mirroredpaladin

#diluc x reader #diluc ragnivindr x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader

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leucoratia · 2 years

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Leucoratia's ultimate JJBA fic recs

A/N: Here are all the jojo fics I ever reblogged as well as my AO3 favourites, they have passed peer review and I reccomend them all with my eyes closed! This masterlist will be updated as I read (so don't forget to check the original post on my blog, new fics might appear!)

My favourites ever will be highlighted in pink! Happy reading!

Gen :

-"Bruno Bucciarati's Guide to Motherhood" - Buccigang : "Some little stories about Mafia Mom and his six kids, featuring such classics as: “How many times can the kids say ‘Mom!’ in an hour,” “Maybe if I hide in the bathroom I can have five minutes of alone time,” and “No Stands at the dinner table!”

-"Rain in the Flower Garden" - Buccigang : After defeating Diavolo, Giorno discovers a new power and starts to put things back together. A story in which Giorno brings people back (angst)

-"Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want" - Dio : "What would it take for Dio to fight on the side of the Joestar family? For Diavolo to serve society in a beneficial way? For Jotaro to actually be there for his daughter? An AU with a dark beginning and a wholesome ending." (Mudad, mind warnings)

-"Remember me as the sky" - Ceasar Zeppeli : "We'll do everything that'll make Lisa Lisa mad at us" Ceasar lives, at a cost.

Character x Character :

-"Catch of the Day" - Pirate!Avdol x Merman!Polnareff

-"Unbroken" - Esikars : "When an argument broke between Kars and Esidisi, a severe injury drives the Flame King away with the redhead infant. Through pain and betrayal, Esidisi struggles to come in terms of his role in Kars' life. And try to find something within him, which is unbroken."

-"When the Ancient Being Prayed" - Esikars (NSFW) : "After drifting into space aimlessly, Kars was reborn as a human being. As he readjusts himself to the present times, would he forget the past and moved on? But it's really hard with the hot historian who resembled his old lover."

Bruabba :

-"It Starts Like This" : bruno deals with epilepsy which has been caused by being undead (everyone lives AU, angst)

-"Gold room": An abridged history of Bruno Buccellati and Leone Abbacchio, told in ten parts. (Fix-it AU, relationship study)

-"Arm Candy": Leone Abbacchio is at rock bottom, so he might as well catch whatever he can reach to pull himself back up. When a stranger from the mafia offers Leone a job as his bodyguard Leone accepts it, but he has no idea Bruno Bucciarati is much more than a regular gangster, and that the job would turn out to be much stranger than Leone expected. (AU, T4T, mind warnings)

Caejose :

-"Whenever you reach for me I'll do all that I can" : "They say stand users attract other stand users, do you think it's true in other ways too?" Bruno and Leone get together and help eachother figure themselves out. (T4T, transitioning)

-"He wears a pair of silver wings" : What if there never were any vampires, pillarmen and red stone of Aja? What if Joseph and Ceasar were just two men on opposite sides in WW2, stranded together in the middle of the Alps?

-"The Ghost of Ceasar Zeppeli" "Caesar was content to guard over Joseph's family in the afterlife, he had no idea what that would entail"

-"A field of words I wish I would have said" : Jotaro comes to Joseph for advice, making him reminisce his time with Ceasar (angst, canon character death)

Jonadio :

-"The Convergence of Two Stars" (Les Misérables AU) : "Following a fight with this father, young Jonathan Joestar moves from his estate to the Gorbeau tenement, intent on making his own way in the world. Unbeknownst to him, his next door neighbour is someone whose fate is tied to his own through a shared past. Their meeting may be the catalyst to change the course of both their lives."

-"Rosa Sangue" : hanahaki, but the loved one is dead and the sufferer immortal

-"A little derring-do" : "Come now. Would you rather I go out and jump on some unlucky fellow in the streets? All because Jonathan Joestar couldn't give up some of his precious blood. So selfish, Jojo."

"I would rather you hadn't put on that mask at all," Jonathan chided. And yet, he raised a hand to trace one careful thumb over the sharp, sharp tip of Dio's fangs. He almost wanted to press just a little bit harder, enough to see the skin split open and spill red. (Blood drinking, midly dubious consent, frottage)

Jotakak:

-"Twisted Love" - Jotakak: "Noriaki Kakyoin has been in love with his best friend for years. The only problem? Nothing has changed, and it seems like the best course of action would be to just forget about it and move on. The catch? He has to pretend to be his boyfriend for a game show." (fake dating, undercover as a couple, slow burn, fluff and angst... best Jotakak fic I've ever read)

-"In water" - Jotakak (mind warnings) : "Broken, battered, barely clinging to life, Kakyoin wakes up in the ICU after Egypt with one thought on his mind: he has to survive, because important people are waiting for him"

-"Watching for the Tide" - Jotakak (transfem Joot <3) : "Before stands, before Dio, it had been easy for Jotaro Kujo to hide that she was a girl, but with her soul displayed as Star Platinum—huge, powerful, and definitely a woman—it was becoming harder to ignore."

Diavolo :

-"Moonchild" - Diavolo & Doppio: where Doppio deals with an "intruder" in his appartment, whose only misgiving is drawing children's drawings everywhere and messing up (character study, Diavolo's wounded inner child. All of this author's jojo fics are really great)

-"He'll find him waiting like a lonesome king" - Diadop (NSFW) : Diavolo finds a way to meet doppio face to face, but only temporarily

-"Double" - Diadop (beware warnings) : "In the beginning, they were only Them. From the moment of their birth, they were Two, and they had no name for Themselves, and they needed none. They watched from behind their eyes, and they smiled and laughed at each other’s passing thoughts, and they cried from the same hunger and reached for the same bottle. Their selves were driven only by simple thoughts; instinct, need, care- and so there was no disagreement; to be two was as natural as to breathe, to drink, to cry."

-"The Healing Power of Nothing" - Diavolo & Trish : "While Diavolo was trapped in the death loop, Trish learns about her father's fate and convinces Don Giovanna to release him from his torment. Upon release, Diavolo is left a paranoid wreck, keeping himself sheltered from the outside in fear of dying again. Dying multiple times enabled him to reflect on his past actions, wishing to start over but is aware he is worthy of forgiveness. Trish on the other hand, wants a father in her life again is willing to give him that second chance."

-"Vae Victis" - Diavolo/Giorno (NSFW, mind warnings) : "At the 15 year anniversary of Giorno's ascent to Don of Passione, Bruno convinces Giorno to pull Diavolo from the death loop."

Giorno Giovanna:

-"Baby mine" -Giorno & Buccigang : Giorno is hit by an enemy stand which causes him to regress to his newborn state. He must grow older again while his friends turn into family. (angst, found family, past child abuse)

-"The child of god" - Mudad : A universe in which Dio comes for his son

-"My devil / my darling" - Mudad : Dio is dead. But that doesn't mean that it will stop him from visiting his son in his dreams...or rather nightmares. Dio takes it upon himself to be Giorno's sleep paralysis demon.

-"Ripped Out" - Giorno & Buccigang : "Abbacchio gets sent on a simple mission with his least favorite Passione member. Even after defeating the boss, his irritation towards Giorno hasn’t completely faded. But what if the “perfect” teen gets hurt?" (warning: OW)

-"Still Learning" - Giorno & Buccigang: "They winked. And then, suddenly, there was a child standing right before them in his pyjamas, looking for all the world as though he had been pulled out of bed"

-"Blood Runs Thicker" - Mudad : "Should they prove themselves worthy of their birthright, he would ensure his sons their rightful place as a part of his eternal legacy. He hoped, for their individual sakes, they would do so."

-"Sunlight" - Mudad: "It was the first few rays of morning that woke Dio, along with Giorno’s squirming. Dio wasn’t exactly a morning person--he preferred staying up into the late hours of the night if he chose to extend his day, not waking up early. Unfortunately for him, his son was, often waking up right before or after sunbreak. Whatever internal clock his little body ran on, it was determined to have Dio up every morning before 7am, which in his very professional and official legal opinion, should be a crime."

-"You are someone I have loved but never known" - Mudad : Dio's spirit visits his son. A story of fatherhood, trauma, and catharsis, told through years of dreams of Giorno Giovanna.

-"Son of the Tiger" - Mudad : Dropping by Dio's awful mansion to deliver a report, Hol Horse meets someone unexpected.

-"Belgian chocolate" - Mudad : Dio and Giorno are at home, chillin' like villains. An old friend (and a new one!) drops by. (No warnings, same timeline as Son of The tiger)

X Reader :

-"Rekindled Meetings" -Mer!Jotaro x Reader : y/n reunites with their estranged mermaid best friend after a storm

-helpimhyperfixating's jotaro x reader masterlist

-"JJBa & You : fall dates edition" - Bruno, Abbaccchio, Gyro, Jotaro, Josuke, Diadop, Diego, Giorno, Kakyoin, Poly! Caesar & Joseph

-"Foolish Games" - Bucciarati x reader : “Excuse me, think I’ve mistaken you for somebody else, Somebody who gave a damn.“ (warnings: death, part 5 spoilers, soft nsfw)

-"A glimpse of Us" - Bucciarati x reader : Dating and sex work requires communication, something you and Bucciarati learn the hard way. (NSFW)

-"Cassandra Gemini : Multiple Spouse Wounds" - Dio x reader : in which you are a prostitue who has known Dio for many years. This is the story of your first and your last meetings (NSFW)

-"Several nightcaps later" - Abbacchio x reader (NSFW): "Abbacchio's unresolved issues and drinking habit have taken a severe toll on his sex life. After learning about jerk-off-instruction, he comes to you with his problem. You're more than happy to help."

-"The Altar" - Diavolo x reader (NSFW, demon!diavolo, non-con elements): "You find the source of a strange blight in your pumpkin patch. However, nothing could prepare you for what you encounter there."

-"The Domestic Diavolo Chronciles" - Diavolo x reader (domestic fluff)

-"Bratty's Kink compendium" - jojo x reader : NSFW oneshort request compliation. Basically kink heaven (mind warnings)

#x reader #bruabba #caejose #esikars #jotakak #mudad #diavolo jojo #fic recs #masterpost #giorno giovanna #jonadio

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devildevotee · 1 month

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gonna ease my way back here and do a small update on what's been going on in my life because i feel like it :-) i think i'm gonna refill my queue and still be pretty reblog-heavy, but should i feel like it i might post some positive things about who i worship from time to time.

but! what's been happening:

i've been exploring gender presentation and have been fucking around with makeup, skincare, and hair care. it helps me feel closer to aphrodite to do these things. for a little bit i questioned whether i was still a guy due to doing these things, and yeah! i'm still happy to be a guy.

i cut my hair myself for the first time ever! i was able to snip off the dead ends and now it's looking a lot healthier and has minimized hair loss.

i've been pretty lax in my worship as of late. i do it when i can and when i feel like it with whoever i want, and i think that's totally fine. it feels healthier (for me) to put less pressure on myself to do worship "right," or obsess over regular worship.

i interacted with king beleth for the first time! she is so cool, so awesome, so good. i'm not worshipping her at this point in time, but she's also encouraged me to do what's best for myself.

the lump in my neck has disappeared, so thus i didn't have to get it checked for cancer. likewise, my dog's lump has disappeared too after treating her with antibiotics. however, i still need to get an xray and bloodwork done for some other medical issues i have.

currently, all my stores and businesses are on holiday for an indefinite period of time. it's been harder to find money to spare, but i've been trying really hard to budget and so far it's been going well!

i've taught myself how to make lip balms. i've yet to perfect the craft, but it's been fun. :)

#bun talks #ask to tag

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cadybear420 · 5 months

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Cadybear's MC Wardrobes: Evie Ayana, OG HSS Book 3. Featuring some edits by me!

How this series goes: With each book, for a MC I'm invested in, I'll assess each of their in-game outfits. How much do I like or dislike the outfit? Is this something that suits my MC's style, or does it make me go "My MC would NOT wear/own this"? And for the outfits that my MC would not wear or own, how would I alter or replace them? I'm not going to use screenshots from the actual game because I can't be arsed. Also I want to use the different sprite expressions to express how my MC would feel about each outfit.

I like to think this is a good opportunity to elaborate on my MCs' dress styles, and show off some edits :D

Now, let's assess the outfits of OG HSS Book 3 and finish off the wardrobe for Evie Ayana! Well, not quite finish off, as I might make some posts for her in-game outfits in HSS:CA, as well as some bonus miscellaneous outfits I came up with myself for other events in the timeline.

Directory for the other parts will be included in the reblogs after I've completed the posts for all books!

Ch 1: "Not-So-Cold Shoulder" Premium Starter Outfit

Evie would actually really love this top. Although she is pretty lukewarm/indifferent on bare-shoulder tops, she would totally wear this one, mainly for the fabric texture. However, I don't think she'd be too keen on the necklace or the skirt, though, as cute as the flower embroidery is.

Verdict: Only partly in Evie's wardrobe. Alter by replacing the skirt and removing the necklace.

Here's what it'd look like more in her style. I might headcanon this as her casual fit for HSS:CA 3.

Ch 1: "Spring Fling" Premium Starter Outfit

And here we have a reverse situation of the previous outfit. Evie would dig the pants, but not so much the top.

Verdict: Only partly in Evie's wardrobe. Alter by replacing the top.

So how about a combination of the two? :3 (Unfortunately the embroidery looked a bit awkward on these pink jeans, so I left it off).

As it is though, I think I'm perfectly happy with using the "Cardi Cute" outfit for her HSS 3 spring casual outfit (or the altered version of the "Bombshell" outfit, but that would mean paying for the original one which I don't quite think is worth the diamonds). Like I said, I might use these altered spring premium outfits for her spring casual outfit in HSS:CA.

Ch 1/2: "World-Class Tour" Premium Outfit

It's not bad, I kind of like the trim design on the skirt. I can definitely see Evie dressing up so as to at least make the Hearst kids' tour fun. Plus, it sort of matches with Aiden's spring casual outfit, being that it's also a light blue button-up and dark blue bottom piece.

Buuuuuut I don't think the skirt is quite her style. It's just a little bit too short, and doesn't really seem "loose and flowy". Plus, she would prefer an outfit with pants for this type of event.

Verdict: Only partly in Evie's wardrobe. Alter by replacing (or lengthening) the skirt.

Here's how it would be if it were closer to Evie's style. Plus, a version where the skirt is closer to Evie's style. I tried to make the pants blue-ish to keep that color scheme match.

Ch 3: Baseball Uniform

Jock girls stay winning <3

Verdict: Technically not in Evie's wardrobe because you have to return uniforms at the end of the season, but the point is, Evie would love wearing it. Keep it as is.

Ch 4: "Light it Up" Premium Outfit for the Mitchell's Beach Party

This is gonna sound crazy, but... aside from maybe the arm bands, Evie actually wouldn't mind wearing this. The romper is really nice-looking color and aesthetic wise and it looks fairly comfy.

While it is arguably a bit revealing– namely, it does violate Evie's "no skirts that go above mid-thigh" rule, she probably would be a little more comfortable breaking that rule with a romper dress rather than a regular dress or skirt. Granted though, she wouldn't really wear rompers very often, so yeah.

Also, the necklaces are adorable. I love moon/star shapes and so does Evie.

However it might be a little bit too extravagant for her tastes for what I feel is a more casual house-based beach party.

Verdict: Actually would be a part of Evie's wardrobe. Move the arm bracelets, but otherwise keep it as is (but save for a different event and possibly go with a different outfit to wear to the party).

Evie in the altered outfit, plus the m!MC's version of the romper outfit. She'd also love to wear the replacement outfit for the pool party outfit from Book 1 (it would also match Aiden's outfit, then again I might give him a new beach party outfit too as well as all the other LIs). She'd also be perfectly happy wearing her regular casual outfit to the pool party like everyone else did.

Ch 7: "Key to my Heart" Premium Outfit for Open Mic Night at the restaurant

It's decent on its own, but I don't think it's really Evie's style. I don't think she'd really vibe with keyhole dresses.

Verdict: Evie would not own this. Keep the bracelets, but replace the rest with either her usual casual outfit or her usual semiformal outfit.

For this sort of event, she'd far prefer to wear the "Make a Statement" semiformal blazer outfit, or just her regular casual outfit like everyone else.

BONUS ROUND: Ch 11: Band Concert Outfit

Looks fly as hell. She'd dig it. But she would also think it's kinda dumb that the guys (and Cameron) all wear long sleeves while the girls all wear short sleeves lol.

Verdict: Part of Evie's wardrobe. Keep it as is (for band!Evie AU) (but also give her a long sleeved version, and save both for other events).

Long sleeved version! Though honestly, I'm not sure Evie would have really had much of a preference. She likes both styles.

Ch 12: "Silver Goddess" Premium Prom Outfit

God damn it. The cloth and color of this dress is so damn pretty! But there's no way in hell Evie would EVER wear a dress with a leg slit. She'd feel like... like the exact opposite of a goddess.

Also, why is it called "Silver" when the game file describes it as lavender? Not that it's even lavender anyways, that's clearly periwinkle.

Verdict: Evie would NOT buy this. Perhaps alter later by closing the leg slit and removing the arm band. But even then, it would not have become a part of her wardrobe due to a certain other premium prom outfit option...

For now, here's that one edit I made previously of Aiden wearing the outfit because I like it better on him <3

Ch 12: "Black Tie" Premium Prom Outfit

*inhales*

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

Verdict: Becomes part of Evie's wardrobe and is her official prom outfit for the book. Keep it as is.

Ch 12: "Just Peachy" Free Prom Outfit

It looks pretty nice, I like it much better than the premium prom dress. It's neat and simple, which is something Evie would enjoy wearing. She'd also like the peach color too. Especially considering she likes Aiden's "peach".

Of course, there's no way Evie is giving up that tux. So yeah.

Verdict: Evie would wear this, and it maybe would've become a part of her wardrobe if she didn't already buy the tux for her prom outfit.

Ch 16: "Once a Tiger" Premium Finale Outfit (and carries over to HSS:CA as MC's default outfit for that trilogy if purchased)

Not bad, but why does PB hate putting this MC in tops that are cut below the pants? Also, no thanks to the choker-style necklace.

Verdict: Somewhat part of Evie's wardrobe. Alter by lengthening the top and the necklace.

Here's the outfit more in Evie's style, plus her in the m!MC one because I do think it suits her better either way.

Though in either case, I don't consider it Evie's default outfit for HSS:CA. I'm going to be making a different new set of outfits for that instead, and that will be its own series. Stay tuned.

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