#Mock Not Dating

[sunlit-mess]

tension

[ghostatservice]

In another universe in order to stop Weirdmageddon Stanford would have to go ahead and seduce Bill in classic dating sim style! Organs and everything!

[lieflipsiege]

ezmerelda d'avenir you have to stop. You smoke too tough. Your swag too different. Your bitch is too bad. they'll kill you

[raikirikiri]

love the idea of obito living after the war and he’s assigned to kakashi’s guard as a type of “community service” and people will pass them in a store and obito is grumbling about how he should’ve killed kakashi, the hokage, when he had a chance and kakashi blithely points out that obito’s has had SEVERAL opportunities to kill him over the last several years. but all the villagers hear is the crazy mass murderer war criminal telling their hokage he wants to kill him and kakashi just :3 *shrugs* because if obito wanted to kill him, he would have.

[ink-blot-thoughts]

"Cucumber-bro and Airplane-bro would make a good couple-"

False. They're both morons. They would never acknowledge they are together. They would make a good "We got married drunk as a joke and take long romantic walks together and kiss each other on the mouth but no homo just as bros haha" pair and that's it.

Someone asks if they're married and one says "Yes" while the other says "Oh we're just bros", and they both look at each other and then switch answers.

[devilishdelights]

“…You DO know I’m a demon, right?”

[warper-in-training]

narc abuse awareness day they said.

based on this

[jimmyspades]

[umbrellacam]

New Teen Titans (Vol. 2) #10 - "He's like something out of a bad romance novel. Man, talk about your cornballs. Who writes his dialogue? Hallmark cards?"

Vic speaking my thoughts on Mr. Wing Man >_> and wow, they're sure having him pull overtime on the lampshading meta snark in this issue:

New Teen Titans (Vol. 2) #10 - "Why will the next Teen Titan hate her parents? Will we have to turn Titans Tower into Titans Hotel? These questions will be answered...in the next sickening segment of--"Daze Of Our Lives!" Same Bat time! Same Bat channel!"

[formosusiniquis]

“There's a goblin, crouched over a large stone table. He's got long greasy hair that probably hasn't ever been washed and his clothes are ripped and ugly. He smells like pipe smoke and mutters to himself as you approach.”

Steve sighs and bravely stops himself from beating his head repeatedly against the table, “Erica.”

“What?” she’s even less affected by his chiding when she’s behind her DM screen, and she wasn’t that affected to begin with. “I'm just describing the character.”

“I'm sorry I said it was adorable, okay! Is that what you want to hear?”

Robin abandons her dice tower to glare at him, “Dingus, what'd you do?”

“Opened his big mouth when he shouldn't have.” A true if mostly inaccurate description of what happened, but he should have known better than to try to speak when Erica actually opened up a little.

“Dude, you know when you annoy Erica the rest of us suffer.” Now Dustin is whining, as if Steve weren’t being punished enough.

“I don't see how anyone is suffering,” but him. Steve definitely feels like he is suffering .

Robin leans in close and whispers, “You'll tell me later?” It’s a Robin whisper though, and it doesn’t go unheard by their temperamental pre-teen DM.

“The goblin is oblivious to the party too busy fooling around with poorly painted figurines-”

“That's out of line.” He’s got his dad voice out now, this was supposed to be a fun session and now he’s parenting.

“That's where you're gonna draw it?” She actually seems surprised by that, eyebrow arched at the idea that she found Steve’s line in the sand.

“Nobody has insulted the things you've worked on.”

“Fine, he's fooling around with his perfectly fine figurines, but he won't shut up about changed princes.”

He can feel it click for Robin, she shoves him almost off of the Sinclair’s overstuffed couch. He won’t look at her, he doesn’t want to look at her stupid I’m gonna mock you face. “Stephan!”

“I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings,” he apologizes, “I really do think it's cute.” But he’s not ready to grovel yet.

“Can dish it out but you can't take it, Harrington.” he rubs a hand down his face, pushing the impending headache this whole thing is causing back into his brain as best he can, and when he looks back up he sees an eleven year old.

“I wasn't dishing anything,” he says, remembering how awful and uncomfortable it was to be eleven. To have crushes and feelings that you didn’t know what to do about, and how much worse it was to not have anyone to help you figure them all out.

“Promise,” her lip doesn’t wobble and her tone doesn’t shake because she’s Erica Sinclair future president of the world, but the youth and the nerves are there all the same.

“Promise.”

“Fine, don't ever try to talk to me about this again.”

“Again, I was agreeing with you.” Because he’s still him and she’s still her and if he let it go too easily there would be just as much hell to pay. “I was saying you have good taste.”

“Stop, I have seen where your current tastes are. Don't align me with you.”

“Fine, fine. Are you going to be nicer?”

“I guess. As you walk into the cave you pass through a powerful illusion, you see that the goblin is really an average looking human man who probably washes his hair at least sometimes.” It’s really the best he could hope for, he figures.

“Wait, is this Eddie?” Dustin’s shrieking as he finally catches up with the interpersonal drama happening at the table is liable to send them back to the start.

“No, and he's not average looking.” He’s not sure who that comment is meant for. Erica for suggesting it or Dustin for finally catching up because of it.

“Mind your business,” Erica shoots back, just as done with the conversation as Steve is, “or your spell components are gonna get harder to find. And he’s not exactly anything to write home about.”

“Can we get back to it,” Robin interrupts, the true love of his life and the jealous hoarder of all opportunities to bully him about his love life, “I was promised a fight for my new dagger and I will use it on this gremlin man who seems like he needs to expand his music tastes if I have to.”

“Robin!” She deserves to get her punches in, he guesses, and if it’s his turn to get mocked by the Scoops Troop at least it’s not happening on a bathroom floor.

[total-drama-brainrot]

Hello! About the fake dating!au, I was wondering how the episode Niagara brawls would play out if Alenoaheather was happening. Would Alejandro and heather still be paired up or would one of them be paired up with Noah?

Well, to be entirely honest, I haven't really thought too much on it yet. Mostly because it's still kind of up-in-the-air as to when Noah's elimination would take place in this AU. I think we've sort of settled on post-merge, so he would be present in the Niagara Falls challenges, but the timeline's still really vague so I personally haven't really invested any time in figuring out the semantics of how each episode would play out.

But since you asked, I might as well toss my hat into the ring! I'll just type out my thoughts as they come, so please excuse this response if it's a little all-over-the-place or formatted weirdly.

Off the bat, it's been fairly well established that the canon final four remains unchanged, so at the very least both Sierra and Cody are still present in this challenge; this is important, since in canon the only reason Heather ends up partnered with Alejandro is because Sierra is the one who rejects him as a husband first. I don't really see a reason to change the canonical play of events here, unless a brainstorming session later on down the line necessitates Noah being paired with either Heather or Alejandro for whatever reason. Mostly just because keeping as many "pre-written" plot points as possible lessens the workload on our shoulders (us, of course, being me and @perpetualexistence, and occasionally @ur-local-brown-multifandomist).

But that does leave the question of who Noah would be paired with.

And again, this would be super dependant on who's left in the competition at this point; since Noah's made it to the merge, we know someone has to have taken his place in the London elimination- just that small change could have potential consequences on all of the subsequent eliminations afterwards, so the merge cast might look almost completely different to World Tour's "official" line-up.

And this is also super dependant on whether or not it's Blaineley who wins the Aftermayhem challenge- I'm not sure if any of the others intend to swap her out for a more interesting/plot relevant contestant (which, as much as I do love Blaineley, she's just find of there with no real relevance to the story) like perhaps Lindsay, Leshawna or maybe even Beth- I assume it'd have to be a girl, since the show itself works to even out it's gender ratios, but it could hypothetically be anyone.

So Noah's partner could be... literally anyone, save for the Final Four (Alejandro, Heather, Sierra and Cody).

...Unless?

Now, don't judge me here, but I do kind of like the idea of Noah ending up with Heather as his partner. Maybe it's the vast potential of how their (entirely self-constructed, and self-indulgent) character dynamic could play out in this scenario, or maybe I just want the opportunity to write Noah trying and failing to pick up Heather, eventually leading to her being the one to carry him across the Falls tightrope like a pathetic, soggy kitten. Or maybe I'm just getting my Noaheather on- who knows?

All I'm saying is, they'd be giving a lot of Connecticut Clark and Malfina vibes and I'm so here for it.

And maybe I just want to see something new; there's so many explorations of how an Alenoah Niagara Brawls challenge would play out (and they're all wonderful, don't get me wrong!) so it's time to give some other pairings the spotlight!

Plus, this particular scenario would not only allow the contestants to see Heather and Noah acting like the "fake" couple they're supposed to be, but Alejandro could also play it as either a double-breach of his trust (since he's also supposed to be "fake" dating Noah, at least, and he has his whole romantic rivalry with Heather) or take advantage of his position and try to charm whoever he's partnered up with and either secure a valuable ally for later on down the road, or beguile his next elimination target into a false sense of security- since a huge part of Alejandro's character is his conniving flirtatiousness, and I don't want to completely negate that.

Now that I'm thinking about it, Alejandro's flirty nature could be a conflict point between himself and his partners. That's a thought for another time, though.

But, again, it's still very up-in-the-air and I don't really think I can give a definitive answer until a proper elimination order has been established- or, at the very least, the elimination order pre-merge. So, uh, sorry for the lack of a definitive answer!

[duahauuoplanh]

[ragnarokhound]

lmaoo you’re right abt the irony bit, i take back my tags xD

This man is genre aware and that's half the reason he's so pissed off lmao

[buglaur]

[justacrazylilguy]

To The Metal Gear Fandom

Okay so silly question but i see a lot of yall on here and you say all the homoerotic stuff in mgs is canon right? Especially otasune, bbkaz, bosselot. Not to sound like a hater but the first game came out in 1998. You know what age hideo Kojima was back then? 36 with a wife and kids. So what's his real purpose for making a whole game series about a buncha gay guys? That's what leads me to believe it's unintentional but idk. If he said why then lmk cause I dont get why he would? I've been thinking about this a lot recently because I've been seeing a lot of people saying it's deliberate. Anyone can answer btw my askbox is open because i Need an explanation. More in tags cause im insane.

[dyrewrites]

Bloodhound -- 'friends' in a cafe

“They’ll be fine,” Alessandro assured, guiding the stiff back and narrow eyes to easy-to-kick-off sandals and then the door.

He didn’t follow too easily, looking back and worrying, “but do they—”

“Yes, they do,” Alessandro assured again, “they’ve worked with werewolves before and Santino has a million siblings, your pup is in good hands,” shoving him out the door, he nudged him, “You are who I’m worried about.”

That tore Deluca from the glass door, to tease, “you’re worried about me?”

“Si, idiota,” another nudge answered, “you make it so difficult not to be. Now, you want your sip of me first or coffee?”

Following him toward a cafe, one close and familiar, Deluca teased, “both?”

“Can’t have both,” he was told with too wide a smile, “mundanes tend to look at you funny if you start eating someone in front of them.”

Picking Alessandro up, and chuckling for the groan, Deluca sped to a spot beside the cafe, hidden by sigil-carved trees blooming in unnatural colors, “how’s here?”

“A sip,” a gruff chuckle warned as he put him down, “don’t make me wobble in there, that barista knows me.”

“Mm,” Deluca didn’t answer, taking the offered wrist and coiling against Alessandro’s chest as he bit into it. Savoring, perhaps too much, the soft moan for his fangs.

Bracing, as it ever was, the sorrow dripping through his salt-sweet taste was tempered by more pressing emotions. Desires popping with images, of him, all of him. Ones thoughts did not sing, and a heady bite of deeper want chased each. Lustful as much as romantic and Deluca lost too much in the unusual taste and flood from veins he thought known.

“Sip, idiota,” Alessandro gasped, gripping a gently bobbing forehead and pulling as best he could to detach it from his arm, “slow…down.”

It listened, gifting the heat of a healing tongue and scooting coat sleeve up to offer soft, warm lips to more, “but you're so delicious, Alessandro.”

Alessandro needed a few tries to pull away, but he managed and walked toward the cafe entrance, “Tell me after coffee. I have some questions for you.”

“How long are you planning to keep me?” Deluca asked, hands in pockets and leaning ever so to keep eyes on his as they entered.

“All night,” he told him, winking as he motioned to an empty seat.

“But Oriana—” Deluca argued, ignoring seat to follow him to the counter.

Cutting him off with a finger to lips too hot, Alessandro nodded to a barista more accustomed to night-time coffee addicts than he cared to be, “grande latte alla vaniglia e caffè tostato alla francese, nero.” As the barista turned to tend to the orders, the Inspector turned to tend to his idiot, “she’s with those who know how to care for her, you should be more worried about your home and how much they’ll be snooping.”

“Now I am,” Deluca snipped, accepting the shove to a seat with a sharp smile.

“Too bad,” the man shoving him almost cooed, sitting across from him and teasing his hand with a soft touch, “you’re mine tonight.”

Which demanded a lean, and a study of hazel eyes too hot and bright, “When did you get so deliciously forward, Alessandro?”

“After all I've done for you this week, Del?” He laughed and, checking the cafe for watchful eyes and finding none, leaned toward browns too richly red, “not to mention being mercilessly mocked by my team for how often I drop everything for you. I see no more reason to be coy,” and broke the sharp grin spreading with a tongue shoved into it.

When allowed to breathe, Deluca licked his lips and laced his fingers with those yet holding his hand, “I like it.”

Not losing the hand, he did lose the face so close as Alessandro leaned back in his chair and winked, “I know, and you can show me how much after we talk.”

“Talk about what?” He asked, distant and breathy as he watched fingers instead of their owner, teasing with curls of his and missing the soft gasps it earned him.

Gasps that continued as Alessandro answered, “you could've broken out of those tethers—”

And cut with Deluca’s scoff, tightening his hold as his other hand flew up with his argument, “Did you not see the pool beneath me? I barely managed the phone call for how much her beast stole.”

“Let me finish,” Alessandro’s tone remained steady, if stern, as he nodded to the barista for the coffees and tried to massage his hand into feeling again—keeping it coiled in heat, however, “If you hadn’t been a fucking idiot and taken a fresh pup to the park.”

He lost the hand, and the delectable lean on the table Deluca had kept as his suggestion threw him back with cold laughter, “so I could've done it by avoiding it entirely? You make no sense.” Sipping his coffee and ignoring the rolled eyes, he continued, “I wanted her to see the neighborhood, smell her new home’s air.”

Checking again for eyes, and finding a few too many more than he’d like, Alessandro leaned low across the table and spoke lower, “She doesn't know how to control herself yet and you overstimulated her, during a full moon, how did you think that would go?” Narrowly avoiding cups, he threw an arm out, raising his voice enough to growl, “Did you think at all?”

“It came at night last,” Deluca did not speak through teeth, even if it sounded as he did, he spoke through a sip of his coffee, “I assumed it would again.” Leaning to meet the angry eyes, he matched Alessandro’s gruff tone, “and what is the problem, no one was hurt, not even the dogs. No laws broken eith—”

“You were hurt,” a lean back and a slapped hand on the table gathered eyes and Alessandro glared at each until they looked away, turning a softer gaze...and solemn voice on the idiot in front of him, “you could have died, Del. And where would your pup be then? Loose in the city where my men would have to fill her full of silver.”

“I,” reaching for a hand yet flat on the table, Deluca tried for a gentle tone as he begged those fingers between his, “Mi dispiace, Alessandro, I didn't think of what might happen if I...I just didn’t think.”

“Non pensi mai,” Alessandro teased, flicking a forehead too close and finding a smile, chuckling as Deluca did, “cases, clients, you go all out for, too much sometimes, but you never think about you and what happens when you’re gone.” Sighing, he wrapped his other hand around one too hot, holding it tighter and speaking to it more than the eyes burning into his, “Eternal as you are, it takes time for you to come back...and the world doesn’t stop when you do.”

“Starò attento,” Deluca promised, “with another to care for I should at least learn what ‘careful’ means, hm?” Enjoying the deep giggle and cooler hands tightening with it—more a look he wasn’t used to in eyes he’d grown too accustomed to—he needed a breath to remember words, “She’s...she’s feeding something I didn’t know I needed.”

Laughing, Alessandro pulled away to slide off his seat, “I hear kids do that sometimes,” keeping the hand, he waved to the barista and tugged Deluca to the door.

“Dinner,” he asked, softly echoed too close to an ear.

“Questions I can’t ask here,” Alessandro answered a bit too bubbly for his taste and cleared his throat to the laughter it earned him, “then dinner...”