#My Atom Bomb will still be my first priority even if I do start a new fic

[seconds-2-midnight]

Tempted to (eventually) plop Geiger into an X-Men Evolution storyline. I don't want to add MORE to my plate but...

Lil' high school Lo? Her twin Connor still being alive?

Their powers manifesting together as teens

Raven having an internal dilemma over whether or not to recruit them and if it's even safe to keep them in public school

Lenore not only trying to figure out her mutation but also grappling with her autism diagnosis and bisexuality

Becoming good friends with Fred??? Bonding over the fact that they're both bullied for their weight??? FRED CONTENT. <3

Lenore meeting Toad in a remedial/special education class and they just spend the whole hour trading crude drawings back and forth until they get detention for drawing a monster made out of dicks or something. Constantly being in detention together like "WE MEET AGAIN."

Actually exploring the Brotherhood members and where the fuck are their parents?? why are they living in a run-down house with hardly any adult supervision??? why is no one doing anything

Connor being overly-protective because now his sister is hanging out with the 'bad' crowd and embracing her mutation while he's trying to hide his

Lo accidentally giving one of her friends/her first kiss a 'mild' case of radiation poisoning and feeling like Hot Dogshit about it

Connor being friends with popular kids while Lenore is in a comic book club

Lo joining the Brotherhood while Connor joins the X-Men??? the drama

idk I just want it

[things-to-be-chipper]

Use That Anger For Self-Discovery

Ever get angry? If so, maybe it’s because there’s a threshold that tells us, “less than this is just a nuisance and beyond this means it’s time for war.” It’s likely more complicated though. Perhaps there are multiple thresholds and each shift around based on our emotional and physical states, new experiences and current expectations. Either way, I do get angry. For me, it’s when I do something stupid or, even worse, thoughtless. It’s when I forget my main priorities and miss key deadlines. It’s when my dumb, misguided or rude actions cause another person trouble or inconvenience. And it’s also when I’m hit, over and over, by “Bad Luck.”

Yea, me and Bad Luck have been well acquainted over the years. Sometimes it’s an atomic bomb that obliterates the surface, sky and oceans of my world. Other times it hits me like hail made of quarters while I’m enjoying a picnic. But, more often, it’s more mild. Like getting sucker punched while working at your desk. I know. It’s not all the same. It affects life in vastly different ways and, therefore, requires different strategies and coping skills to deal with each appropriately. That’s all fine. I get it. I’ve been there. I know how to pick up the pieces to rebuild. But shit! You gotta admit, that’s all good reason to get angry. Or is it?

I wondered, “is there a purpose for anger?” At first, I thought that it’s a good way to relieve tension. But no, that’s not something we should express in our homes, at school, or at work. Maybe at play though, with constructive exercise, sport or leisure. Still though. We can’t always have that safe and productive physical outlet. With all that energy and hot emotion inside, we need to learn ways of coping with those fiery emotions.

At least anger tells us, “hey, I’m not having a good time right now.” Oops, that sounds more like sadness. Maybe anger is more like, “this sucks and I hate everything.” Maybe not to that extreme in each case, but something like that. If that is the case though, what’s the point? How do I benefit from my anger? Maybe anger can serve to remind me of a mistake I made, something to avoid or something to change. For me, I do my darndess to ask myself (in that moment), “what did you learn?” I give myself time to think, allow those hot thoughts through, then repeat, “ what did you learn?” Truly, once you’ve gradually cooled off, you can start thinking clearly again. Do try to gain back your focus. Remember what’s important. Then, try once more to summarize the main problem. Perhaps now you have a more clear solution in mind now. Or, perhaps now this problem seems more manageable and less aggravating.

In this process, did you learn more about your threshold? Did other stressors make you take this too personally? Maybe you can learn not to blame and try to accept your new situation? Either way, use that energy to learn something that can help you, and maybe even a new way to manage your anger. You’ll eventually simmer down. So why not figure out what you did to accomplish that. Keep learning friends. I’m learning along with you :P

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

I’m Always Curious Part Nine

Previous Part | Next Part |  Masterlist Notes: Not beta-read. Synathehol is a TNG thing I think, so. On Earth in this story they drink alcohol, thank you. I hope everyone is well :) Thank you to everyone that’s read/liked/reblogged/replied! I really appreciate it! Summary: I’d become too engrossed in an argument with Spock (albeit a friendly one) on the effects (and logic) of using time travel to go back and change certain events. My idea was, if two totally separate events weren’t known to have any impact on one another, what would it matter which order you visited them in? 

Shock of all shocks, I didn’t sleep well. “What are you listening to?” Thira asked as I pulled my headphones out. “Oh, it’s...” I floundered before waving her off, “Don’t worry about it, I can only understand, like, some of it.” “What are you up to?” “I’ve got a lecture in--” I glanced at the time, “Like an hour, so I have got to run.” “Are you coming to Liquara tonight?” Thira asked, watching me gather my things. “Ah... I think so?” I glanced back at her as I packed my PADD into my bag. “You can take one night off,” Thira said, “Loosen up, have a couple of drinks...Maybe meet somebody?” She waggled her brows at me, and I laughed, unable to help it. “I don’t think that’ll be happening,” I said, pulling bag onto my shoulder. “Come on, when was the last time you dated?” Thira asked, folding her legs up under herself. “I don’t know, my last year of the Academy?” I shrugged. “...Yikes,” Thira muttered. “Thank you for that-- I’m leaving now!” I tacked on before hurrying out of our room. -- I did manage to make it to my Dominionese lecture on time, with a very large coffee (loaded with extra espresso and additional caramel drizzle). I got to the lecture hall just on time and took the only available seat left - right next to Captain Pike. I couldn’t help my stiff posture as I sat down, taking out my PADD and putting on the virtual display sensory headset that was left out for me. As the instructor began to lay out what we’d be working on, I felt Pike lean over, his bicep pressing against mine as he murmured, “Late night?”

I hummed the affirmative, picking up my coffee and taking a sip as if to prove it. I heard Pike chuckle beside me, and I fought the urge to turn my head, see the waiting smile. I kept my eyes on the instructor, then on the Dominionese that appeared on the headset. I could still feel Pike’s arm pressed to mine; that didn’t matter, right? I could focus on something other than contact. I zoned in on the text on the headset, letting my fingers move over my PADD as I worked through the first few rows of translations. Now and again, the instructor would interrupt us, calling on students to read their translations aloud, correcting for grammar and syntax. Pike and I escaped the questioning; I’d found that unless the workshops or classes were geared specifically toward alumni, instructors tended to leave visiting students alone. Pike didn’t lean over to chat anymore throughout the rest of the class, which was a relief, but he didn’t lean away, either. He was close throughout, arm still resting against mine, thighs occasionally brushing, or our feet would knock against one another under the desk. Every single time I’d tell myself that if this was Una, or Thira, it wouldn’t be making my heart jump the way it was. If this was Spock-- Actually, no. Spock would keep his limbs to himself.

Nevertheless, class passed without incident. I removed the headset as it ended, closing my eye for a moment to help it readjust. “Well, that was informative,” Pike piped up. I glanced over at him, nodding, and was more than a little relieved to find him focused on packing away his things. I turned back down to my PADD, saving the notes I’d taken as I saw Pike’s head turn back to me, presumably as a result of my lack of verbal response. “You heading back to the ship?” He prompted. “Ah-- No. There’s a language panel on Iconian in...”  I glanced at the time on my PADD, “Like ten minutes, so, I’m just gonna hang out here.” "Packed morning,” Pike commented, brows raised. I shrugged. “I just--” “Like to keep busy?” Pike finished knowingly, smiling. I returned the smile in spite of myself, nodding. “Exactly,” I confirmed. “Well, try to get some rest some time this week, lieutenant,” the Captain said, standing and patting me on the shoulder as he passed me. I returned my eyes to my PADD, unthinkingly answering, “Yeah, you, too.” I heard Pike’s steps falter, but I didn’t raise my eyes to meet what I was sure was a questioning gaze. I just reopened my Dominionese and reviewed my answers until I was sure he was gone. -- I did not want to go out. After the last 24 hours I’d had, I just wanted to take an extra long, extra hot shower and curl up in bed with my PADD and a bottle Risian wine. But I also knew that if I didn’t go, I wouldn’t hear the end of it from Thira -- and possibly from Una. I got to Liquara a little while after everyone else (the panel on Iconian had run long and delayed my getting back to the ship; I’d taken longer to get ready because I’d had to re-talk myself into going every five minutes). “You’re alive?” Thira teased as I settled into a seat beside hers and across from Una. There were a few others at the table - Spock, Nhan, and Connolly, as well as a few people from engineering that I vaguely recognized. “I was just telling everyone how you had your headphones on this morning and you were listening to something that sounded so harsh, but kinda...Lyrical. What was that?” Thira asked. The surrounding party looked at me expectantly and I answered, “Klingon poetry.” “I wasn’t aware there as an intensive on Klingon poetry this week,” Una commented, brow raised. “This was more of an independent study situation,” I admitted. “Is there anything in particular that sparked your sudden interest in such a topic?” Spock asked. I shrugged, reaching for a menu and skimming it in favor of meeting anyone’s eye. “Just had the urge, I guess,” I excused before looking around, “I haven’t been here in a while, so, someone refresh my memory: are the slush-o mixes worth the hangover?” -- I stayed out later than I had anticipated. I didn’t partake in many sugary alcoholic drinks on the Enterprise, so it didn’t take long for a decent buzz to kick in. People peeled off as the night wore on, until it was down to myself, Thira, Una, Spock, and Connolly -- practically the ready room crowd.

I should not have stayed out, though. I should’ve had one drink and then ducked out gracefully. But I’d become too engrossed in an argument with Spock (albeit a friendly one) on the effects (and logic) of using time travel to go back and change certain events. My idea was, if two totally separate events weren’t known to have any impact on one another, what would it matter which order you visited them in? “My point is, if I chose first to go back and stop T.S. Eliot from writing Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats and then subsequently traveled forward in time and stopped Oppenheimer from designing the atomic bomb--” “Why would you choose to halt the writing of a book rather than the creation of a catastrophic weapon?” Spock asked. “Okay, two reasons: One - It is a time machine, Spock, I’d have literally nothing but time. Two-- No, actually, three reasons-- two, that book came out in 1939, the Manhattan Project didn’t start until 1942, so I think it is safe to say that despite its historical significance to mankind, I would not be doing the world a disservice by visiting those events in chronological order.” “And the third reason?” Una asked. "The movie CATS was the first step to the subsequent tanking of Universal Studios in the 22nd century, so that’s my first priority if I ever get a personal time machine,” I said simply. His laugh joined in with the others-- my ear caught on that sound, the way it had the night before. My eyes darted to the other end of the table, and I felt my smile falter a little. I had been so engrossed in my conversation with Spock that I hadn’t even noticed the Captain settled on the other side of Connolly. Pike’s eyes met mine as the laughter settled, and I gave him a quick smile before averting my eyes. I could feel Una looking at me, and when I raised my eyes to hers, I found her brow quirked. She peered around Connolly at the Captain. “What kept you?” She asked. “I was speaking with Admiral Cornwall about our next mission. Nothing for us to discuss tonight. How was the lecture?” He asked. When silenced followed the question, I realized it had been directed at me. I met Pike’s eye again. “Informative.” I left it there, picking up the menu again and looking it over. Part of me already know I was going to be switching to water, though. -- I remembered why I’d liked being called to the ready room so much at the beginning - when there were so many of us, before I was better acquainted with the Captain, it was easier for me to hang back; I didn’t feel as pressured to speak up. And at Liquara, with Una, Thira, and Connolly there to steer the conversation, and Spock to interject (heavily), I didn’t feel that the conversation lagged anywhere. And I was being good - keeping my eyes to myself, only looking at the Captain when he was speaking; smiling and laughing an appropriate amount, and definitely, definitely not thinking about that sigh of his name and the giggle I’d heard the night before. “Don’t tell me you’re leaving.” Thira had managed to catch what I had assumed was a subtle shrugging on of my jacket, but what to her was apparently a beacon of retreat. I gave her a small, regretful smile. “I just realized how late it is.” “You’re not going to the long-range sensor lab again, are you?” Spock asked, watching me. Unbeknownst to me, he’d been there himself the night before, and had actually left shortly before I had. I laughed a little, shaking my head. “No, not tonight. I’ve got an Exoarchaeology and the 22nd Century intensive that I’ve gotta be up for,” I excused, “I already settled up at the bar.” “I thought you were going to ask about their drink special,” Una pointed out, raising a brow. I shrugged as I stood. “And I did. Right before I settled up. Have a good night, guys,” I cast a quick smile around, careful not to let my eyes linger on anyone for too long before I turned and left. That had been good, right? Natural. I had contributed to the conversation, I hadn’t hung on the Captain’s every word like some giggling schoolgirl. I’d more than earned that extra long, extra hot shower. And maybe one Klingon poem. “Headed for the shuttles?” Every single instinct told me to walk faster, pretend I hadn’t heard him. I turned in spite of this. He wasn’t too far behind me. I stopped walking, giving him the chance the catch up. "Sort of our only way to get back to the ship right now, so, that was the plan,” I nodded. Pike pulled his communicator out, raising it to his lips. I was a little tipsy, but I was looking at the communicator, I swear, not at Pike’s mouth. “Pike to transporter room. Two to beam up.” “But--” Before I could finish my sentence, we were in the transporter room. “But?” Pike asked before nodding to the crew. I gave them a quick wave before stepping off of the pads behind Pike. “But I thought the transporter room was out of commission until the Enterprise’s diagnostic was complete,” I said, following Pike to the turbolift. “Diagnostic was completed this morning, Enterprise was cleared,” Pike reported, brow furrowing, “I mentioned that earlier.” Maybe he had; I had been making an active effort at the bar to not listen too intently to what he was saying, and apparently I’d done too good of a job. I nodded once. “Right. Sorry, I must have slush-o mix in my ears,” I muttered. We stepped onto the turbolift, each reaching for the control panel. Pike and I both lowered our hands, and I heard Pike murmur, “Go ahead.” I entered my destination before Pike entered his. There was a pause before the lift hummed. “...Lieutenant, may I ask you something?” “‘Course.” “Please don’t take this unkindly, but,” Oh god, “Is everything alright?” I turned a frown up at Pike, confused. “Why do you ask?” “You seem to be burying yourself in work. Between the lectures yesterday and this morning,” How did he know about yesterday? “The long-range sensor lab last night, your lecture tomorrow-- I’ve been told you took Onafuwa’s one-day intensive?” Una. Blabbermouth. “All compelling evidence, but need I remind you, Captain, that we are in the same turbolift right now because we just left the same bar?” I pointed out. Pike’s brow quirked. “Be that as it may, I just wanted to ask the question on the off-chance it needed asking.” I turned my head again to face the turbolift doors. “I’m alright, Captain.” “...Then why couldn’t you look me in the eye and say that?” “Is that why you left?” I asked, looking up at him then. “Excuse me?” “The bar. Is that why you left the bar? To ask me this?” He blinked once, twice, then pursed his lips, shook his head once and said, “No.” I couldn’t help the smug look that overtook my features as the turbolift doors opened on my floor. Looking back, I’d pass the boldness off on the copious amount of slush-o mix I’d had at the bar. “Never join the Starfleet poker league, Captain. You don’t bluff well,” I said before stepping off of the lift and leaving him behind.

[youcantfiremebecauseiquit]

idk if u care but crispin gray recently had an interview about his entire career and it kind of changed my perspective of queenadreena…idk if for better or for worse lol. it was weird to see him so dismissive of a lot of his catalogue w katie except for ‘love your money’ just because that was the only remotely chart successful song. i get you want to be able to sustain yourself but jeez him and katie really had a weird back and forth relationship

Sorry i'm replying late, i've seen the interview pop up on Youtube but honestly i was too invested in university shit recently & generally not in the good mood for that but i'm planning to watch. How did it change your view on Queen Adreena, did he say something mean specifically on QA or Katie? I mean i gotta watch it but honestly? Not surprised in the slightest. A few years ago he was asked to describe fave songs he recorded throughout the years and he listed more of Daisy Chainsaw ones than anything else, with Love Your Money as number 1. The differences in their points of view are real something, Katie Jane absolutely HATED Love Your Money, same as Daisy Chainsaw. Kinda apparent he wanted bigger fame but DC dropped fast and QA failed to live up to their predictions.

i had a time when i liked to dig up old Queen Adreena interviews that are lost in the old internet & generally not available for years (which i planned to post on is-she-suffering but my investment in that site is... varied in its intensity). Also that was back in the days when i wrote Queen Adreena book during manic phase and tried to sell it but lost motivation Well since i don't do anything with that knowledge anyway i'll put what i know here as i love fan discussions

So they sure had/have odd back and forth love-hate relationship & that's the reason why their career went how it went. There's been a huge tension between them at some point. I'm sure you know she had a major mental breakdown (probably schizophrenic episode) after Daisy Chainsaw, or even beginning before her leaving, and then she went into isolation and lived with an old woman in Lake District for awhile. She left Daisy Chainsaw cause Crispin didn't want her to come up with her own songs (all of DC was by Crispin except for Lovely ugly brutal world by KJ).

They almost split up as Queen Adreena after Drink Me. The material for The Butcher and The Butterfly was written at different times, originally it was meant to be called Atom Bomb at Bikini but it was constantly delaying and they eventually recorded everything they've got live. So that's obvious right? But i was surprised to find out they were writing songs separately. Some of them (i forgot which though) were written by Katie Jane and Pete Howard's sons band (they're even credited) + some with Melanie Garside, Richard Adams + some other musician. Katie Jane didn't like it. They intended it to be their last album at the time. She also hated live at ICA show but they released it cause they were broke

But that's a digression. I just wanna say that at this point they were done with each other but kept pushing it. Katie had her own art projects and stuff, Crispin started Dogbones with Nomi and i just remember how vaguely pissed at Katie he waas in the interviews. Like he stressed that Dogbones is his number one priority and if Katie wants to do something with Queenadreena, she must wait til Dogbones have a break first or something, and it sounded oddly bitter.

RaCH and Djinn era are just so weird, they had opportunities but let them go in a way. I don't think many people know but they were huge demand in Japan. They entered album charts and were interviewed by 11 magazines and 6 (!)TV stations there (wtf happened to that material i want to know???). But they only played 5 times or less.

Katie said she considers the band dead but they decided they can try to play for a couple more months. But aside from that she 100% lost the interest in the band around Djinn. There's an interview where she says "the overall image is Crispin but the shape will change again at rehearsals". And you can hear it, it’s more blues rock than anything. IMO it's their worst production wise. Instruments are fine but Katie's voice is so badly produced that sometimes i find some songs fucking irritating, cause they didn’t cut out her breaths and the vocals are TOO LOUD, to the point of distorting. As if she stands too close to the mic. The album is fine but it feels unfinished.

And here we come back to Crispin... here's what he said after the QA split:

Why the Dogbones started? “I needed to work more than the previous band I was in was working, the previous band who shall remain nameless, haha… um… Queenadreena. I wanted to work more than the singer of Queenadreena wanted to work… so that’s why it started. Fine by me… but I really like to be in a band, I’m not a solo project kind of guy. The last album (‘Djin’) did come out in the UK, but it was so low key because Katie kind of disappeared so there was little point in promoting it. Personally it’s my favourite by far so it was a shame but there you go… So here are Dogbones, it’s not been an easy ride but we are trying very hard.

Ok so the bitterness is kinda apparent isn't it. I think there were two reasons why they argued so much, first musical differences. Katie at some point lost interest in loud rock music for some years and went the folk way in Ruby Throat. I have a theory that Taxidermy and Drink Me are more influenced by Katie Jane and Butcher and Djinn are more Crispin. During first albums i think Katie more actively took part in music composition and choosing arrangements. She wrote lyrics, melodies but also composed a lot of songs on some little electronic keyboard thing and 4 track (Heavenly Surrender, Pray for me, My Silent Undoing, all Lalleshwari +more). Plus she wanted more peaceful/dreamy sound on Taxidermy than full on rock, Crispin complained about it in some 00's interview, that he'd like it to be more rock. Then there are 2 versions of Drink Me, the original has rough and alt versions of songs (it was sold by Katie and it's leaked on FB and probably YT). Crispin Gray apparently really hated the final Drink Me. Now next album is The Butcher & The Butterfly and it's more standard blues rock, no more crazy dreamy things of previous albums etc., Djinn is even more blues rock but darker. Djinn was his favourite at some point while KJ hated Butcher, not sure about Djinn. So i think they had different views on where they should go, Katie made her weird simplistic creepy tunes (like Lalleshwari) and folk melodies adding that strange things to noise rock. Crispin probably wanted blues & rock.

Other than that, i’m convinced they are bitter exes, lol. There’s been rumours about them dating during Daisy Chainsaw for years, plus Katie had a history of dating band members. Crispin wrote X-ing off the days about her. I don’t know if they dated again in Queen Adreena. Then there’s this interview, timeline is unclear, either The butcher & the butterfly or later:

„Katie writes all the songs herself and often looks for melodies and structure with the drummer. With Crispin - her husband or ex-husband, which is not entirely clear to me - for almost three years she has no longer been in a room. "Sometimes we send him a letter with a new song and that's all we can do. All we have are our lungs and our musical talent and we have to do with it. It is repugnant difficult life, I know most of the time how I should deal with it." But Queenadreena will still remain even exist? "I think so, we are now pretty busy and I see where the ship aground.”

I always wondered what exactly happened after Djinn, i’ve seen Katie Jane say „i think they gave up on me” while others said she disappeared. Other times CG said there’s no bad blood between them but at the same time there’s been some weird tension.  As of recent i thought they reconnected somehow through the internet and had a good relation but who really knows.s

I get why Crispin gets irritated when people compare everything he does to „stealing from KJ” but honestly, he gave them good reasons, at least in the 90’s. I can believe Starsha Lee singer isn’t copying Katie cause she’s from Brazil or something and she didn’t know Queen Adreena before. But everything else… Crispin’s problem is that he doesn’t know what he wants. He spent 90’s chasing something, tried singing himself, had girl singer replacements and even one KJ copy. Dogbones was ironically his most original non-Katie band, even with all their grunge influences. In a way he wants to be a frontman and at the same time doesn’t. Idk if he’s very controlling, but Daisy Chainsaw shows he valued his songs/lyrics first & in Queen Adreena he had to step back a lot, cause Katie’s condition was she would be in charge of the lyrics. I don’t think he realizes how strongly Daisy Chainsaw issues affected Katie, i mean from her own words you can read that aside from media attention/hate, her being unable to write lyrics had a role in her breakdown. I think she now let go but for years she hated remembering Daisy Chainsaw and she felt kind of worthless cause she was only somebody else’s mouthpiece. I’m not trying to say he’s cruel or anything, but i firmly believe rock lyrics writers should sing their own songs or else there are problems.

They both were writers-composers with different vision and i have impression they struggled a lot while shaping their songs, cause they both stuck to their ideas. Hence 2 versions of Princess Carwash maybe. Katie once said that he „gets terribly upset with her” cause she writes her songs on a simple wind organ and uses a few chord buttons only. Clash of writer ways/personalities/egos and at some point they had to let go.

Maybe he prefers music/bands where he was 100% in control including lyrics (note he wrote/sang some lyrics in Dogbones too). Daisy Chainsaw achieved bigger success US and UK wise as they were offered to play Top of The Pops, and they’re more well liked/remembered by „general alt public”. Queen Adreena however is way more valued as a cult band, with cult following and admiration in UK & France. Most people think Pretty Like Drugs and other QA songs are his best work and he probably finds it irritating cause truth is, he never managed to be more successful than Daisy Chainsaw/Queenadreena. Love Your Money is ironically the least Crispin Gray/DC/QA sounding song in my opinion. I kinda find it irritating that he downplays Queen Adreena cause it was probably his best work in this band but whatever

So yeah sorry for the word spill, that’s what i can think of it right now but as i said, i haven’t watched the interview yet, it’s just this kind of treatment is in a way consistent for him

[kookie-kakes]

“Robin” John Blake - The Dark Knight Rises

Context: Basically it takes place a little while after the end of The Dark Knight Rises. If y’all don’t know, the character’s whole name is technically “Robin John Blake” and isn’t officially known as the real Robin in the movie, but it is left open ended so no one really knows for sure. Anyways this is while Batman is still believed to be dead from Bane’s atomic bomb, and since Batman has trusted John enough to give him the coordinates, John has made it to the Batcave where he has been contemplating and preparing to become his own hero with Bruce’s equipment and such. However, the reader is basically super worried about him, especially since the last superhero of Gotham “died.”

IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE (or need a refresher):

Basically, if you have no idea what I’m talking about, John used to be a cop before he quit (and was revealed to have the first name “Robin”). Basically Bane (villain of the movie) had sectioned off and imprisoned Gotham with an atomic bomb threat. If anyone entered or exited the premises it would be immediately triggered by an anonymous ally of Bane, instantly killing those within a 6 mile radius. However, the bomb was expected to go off at a certain time due to its instability anyway. Because of this, John attempted to save as many lives as he could (ultimately a bus filled with kids from a boys’ orphanage), but was unable to do so with other officers denying him access across the bridge, who were, at the time, not given accurate orders and were unaware the bomb was expected to detonate regardless of the situation. Had the bomb not been stopped by Batman, he and anyone on the bridge would have been killed.

A/N: Hey! So honestly I wanted this to turn out a lot better. :( Problem was, there were so many pieces of dialogue I wanted to put in the story that I kinda got off track and literally forgot my original plan. Woops. Still turned out okay though. I mean, it’s a oneshot about Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character, what’s not to love?

- - -

“You know you can’t do this,” you call out, your voice echoing towards the figure standing in front of a wide expanse of computer screens and police scanners. “You’re not a cop anymore, John.”

You can’t hear it over the roar of the Batcave’s waterfalls, but you can see his hunched shoulders depress as he sighs. When he turns from the wall of gadgets you capture his gaze as you approach him.

Your shoes splash into the puddles of water on the ground as you walk towards him. “It isn’t your job to take the law into your own hands and you know it.”

Despite what you’re saying, he gives you a warm smile and a short laugh. “Try not to sound so thrilled to see me.”

You stop in front of him, so many thoughts and questions and concerns going through your head that you’re not sure what to start with first.

So you start with the simplest thing you can find on your long mental list of questions. “You just got promoted to detective, would it have killed you to stick with it?”

“Y/N, you know why I left.”

And he’s right - you do know why. And it makes you worried. Anxious. And you realize that however much you worried about him while he was on the squad won’t compare to how much you’re about to worry for him on his own.

And apparently your face shows it, because he feels the need to keep explaining, as if to remind you.

“I’m sorry, but you know why I have to do this,” he tells you. “Ever since that day on the bridge I just... I knew what had to change. I was there when my fellow officers refused to save an entire bus loaded with kids, all in the sake of following orders.” His eyes bored into yours, reflecting with all his intensity and passion and zeal. “And that day I swore to myself I would never be put in that same situation again. I would never place anything at a higher priority than saving the lives of others.”

Even if that means sacrificing your own? You immediately think, but quickly scold yourself for thinking so selfishly.

You gently shake your head at him. “You’re too good,” you say quietly. “Putting others before yourself comes too natural to you.”

Way too natural.

“It’s not hard - not when you have to protect the things you care about.”

You study his face: his eagerness for you to understand, his compassion to go into the world and save all the lives he can - just as he believes he‘s called to do. Your eyebrows furrow; your eyes water and it feels as if you’ve already lost him. “I don’t know if I can watch you do this, John.”

“Then watch someone else,” he tells you gently. “Watch Robin.” He lifts his hand, and in it he reveals a thick, leathery piece of fabric. “Someone once told me that if you’re working alone, wear a mask. Because the mask isn’t for you, it’s to protect the people you care about.”

Your eyes water even more; you’re terrified for him.

“Don’t do this for me. Please.”

He gives you a little smile, his deep, dark eyes moving to each of yours, back and forth. For a fleeting moment he doesn’t reply, but before he finally does, he gives you a little smile, knowing you’re terrified for him but still trying to get you to understand all the same.

“I never said who I was protecting,” he starts. His smile tugs at his lips a little more. “But I always knew you knew it was you.”

And then he takes a small step towards you. He lifts a hand to take your head in his palm, and he waits for you to give him that adoring and concerning look in your eyes before he kisses you - sweet and loving and so entirely sure that this is what you’ve both been waiting for all this time. Over three months, each day more dangerous than the next - so under pressure by Bane’s rule that neither of you could afford to have hope in being with one another.

Until now.

[professorpalmarosa]

For Pokémon Dawn & Dusk, I intend to release two chapters a month. The first two are currently available on Fanfiction.net.

Team Sigma (the villainous team for the Kinzo region, where the fanfic takes place) will not be making their first major appearance until Chapter 13…which means everyone other than my beta readers will have to wait until mid-June or early July before you’re properly introduced to these bastards, but dear god am I excited to tell you about them!

Who is Team Sigma?

Team Sigma is a cyberterrorist organization based in the Kinzo region. By the start of Dawn & Dusk, they are mostly known for data breaches, stealing personal information (including from a member of the Elite Four), hacking PC storage boxes, and leaking classified government data into the hands of the common people. Some of that data was sensitive enough to incite a riot.

As Dawn & Dusk progresses, it quickly becomes clear that Team Sigma is engaged in far more dubious activities than simple black-hat hacking. There are (just to name a few things):

E-bomb attacks

Confirmations that Team Sigma leaked fake news stories to manipulate the Kinzonian people into electing a puppet Prime Minister

Evidence that one of their Beta-level operatives once served in the transition government’s “secret police”...

I’m not even sharing the most twisted thing these guys pull. You’ll actually have to follow the story to see that!

What does Team Sigma hope to accomplish?

Members of Team Sigma pride themselves first and foremost as a cult of efficiency. They are resourceful, meticulous, organized, focused, and always eager to find ways to improve not only themselves, but the world around them.

Sigmas look at the world the way a Quality System Auditor looks at an organization: searching for things they don’t like and finding ways to correct them...or at least improve them.

They aim to transform their home region into a meritocracy where society’s most productive contributors are properly rewarded for their hard work and talents. Everyone is provided for, but it is the hard workers and the best workers who will reap the most reward. This is part of why you will hear them constantly repeat their unofficial company mantra: greater than the sum of our parts.

Team Sigma believes that everyone has a role to play in society…but what you like to do might not necessarily be what you should do.

How is Team Sigma organized?

While most organizations in the Pokémon franchise show three categories (Grunt, Admin, Boss), I decided to organize Team Sigma’s categories based off the 20th century sci-fi classic Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

Gammas are your Grunt-level foot soldiers. They will be seen sporting the organization logo and uniform, and will wear a yellow belt with their jacket. This is to signify they understand the fundamentals of the organization’s ideologies and can apply that code of conduct at a basic level. The belts are yellow as an homage to what a yellow belt signifies in Lean Six Sigma Lean Manufacturing methodology.

Unlike in actual games, the Gammas the protagonists (Cyrus and Cynthia) encounter almost all have names, distinct personalities, and even backstories.

Gamma Squads are classified by the first initial of their Beta’s name, and then a priority number. The lower the number, the higher up the totem pole that Gamma is. For instance, Bobbi and Cooper (the first two Gammas you’ll meet in Dawn and Dusk) make up Gamma Squad A1, as their Beta’s name is Aldous.

Betas are your Admin-level operatives. They will wear a more customized uniform, typically in shades of green with a green belt. This is to signify that they understand and apply the organization’s methodologies so masterfully that they can be trusted to lead teams and govern over their own separate projects. The belts are green as an homage to what a green belt signifies in Lean Six Sigma Lean Manufacturing methodology. Fun fact: I’ve been a certified LSS Green Belt for a couple of years!

In Dawn & Dusk, there are a grand total of four Betas: Aldous, Ray, Margaret, and Harlan. Each of them were named for a different dystopian science fiction writer I’ve enjoyed for many years: Aldous Huxley (Brave New World), Ray Bradbury (Fahrenheit 451, The Martian Chronicles), Margaret Atwood (The Handmaid’s Tale), and Harlan Ellison (I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream, 7 Against Chaos).

There are homages to Kurt Vonnegut, Philip K. Dick, Tom Godwin, H.G. Wells, Jules Verne, George Orwell, and Isaac Asimov in Dawn & Dusk, too; but not as Team Sigma members.

There is only one Alpha, and it’s going to be a long time in the story before the protagonists (or even the reader) encounter them. The Alpha’s color scheme is predominantly charcoal gray, black, and bronze. This is to signify that they embody every part of the organization’s methodologies and applies them not only to their work in Team Sigma, but across their entire life. Black was selected as the main color to signify what a black belt and master black belt signify in Lean Six Sigma Lean Manufacturing methodology.

Where are they located?

Team Sigma is an exclusive threat to the Kinzo region. Kinzo is modeled heavily after Soviet-era Ukraine and Russia, with elements of the Roman Empire, Byzantine Empire, and Imperial Russia thrown into their history.

Until 1970, this region was a satellite region to the Sinnoh region and had its start as a penal colony. The more you delve into the local culture, the more that becomes apparent.

Although nobody is quite sure where the Team Sigma base is (or even if they have a base), it’s not uncommon to see Gammas lurking around with their computers. Most of them do remote work. Some even work from home.

When does Dawn & Dusk take place in the Pokémon timeline?

Pokémon Dawn & Dusk takes place when Cynthia and Cyrus are 15 years old. Timeline-wise, I used 1996 (the Japanese release year of Red & Blue) as my start-point. After doing the math, Dawn & Dusk takes place during the mid to late 1980s.

The Kinzo Region gained its independence in 1970, and suffered a terrible disaster (the “Wolfram Town Incident”, which was based heavily off the Chernobyl incident) 3 years prior.

Team Sigma got its start a few years after that, but one of their key members was heavily involved with the incident. Another one was also involved with the new government’s secret police during the transition period.

Why Team Sigma?

Because I have always had a weakness for dystopian literature, atomic-era science fiction, and transhumanism. These glorious nerds apply all of those things, along with my morbid fascination with cult psychology and my fascination with lean manufacturing!

In 2016, my former job signed me up for Lean Six Sigma Green Belt certification. While in there, I learned the concepts of lean, including how to make manufacturing procedures more efficient and less costly without jeopardizing anyone’s jobs. All our evidence was based on statistics and we’d find ways to make processes go faster, produce better product, and create less waste.

It was a lot of fun and I really got into it. Even at my current job, I still use a lot of the lean training!

…but it really does start to sound like you’ve joined the Cult of Efficiency when you start grumbling that somebody’s cluttered desk isn’t up to 5S standard, or that all that walking back and forth is a transportation muda.

I saw the potential to blend a lot of that lean training (you can read a lot more about Lean Six Sigma and these other terms in those links I gave you) with my other loves to create a villainous team that contains elements of Brave New World, 1984, and Animal Farm..and my own unique brand of oh-dear-god-why batshit insanity.

Once you start moving beyond how Team Sigma operates and get into why they operate the way they do…some of my beta readers are already reeling. They don’t have the full story yet, but I’m sending my readers up and down a literary rollercoaster.

[toldnews-blog]

New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/world/japan-emperor-akihitos-human-touch/

Japan emperor: Akihito's human touch

Image copyright Getty Images

On a beautiful spring morning last week, I stood on a street corner on the western outskirts of Tokyo. For hundreds of metres in each direction, the road was lined, three-deep, with eager, excited faces. Then, with almost no warning, a large black limousine approached over a bridge, motorcycle outriders on either side.

As the car slipped by, for a few brief moments, we could see Emperor Akihito and Empress Michiko leaning forward waving gently. A ripple of applause and waving of plastic flags from the crowd, and they were gone.

To me, it all seemed a little anti-climactic. And I was not alone. Nearby an elderly lady was chastising a policeman.

“Why did they go so fast?” she demanded to know. “Usually they drive much slower than that. We hardly got any chance to see them.”

The policeman smiled patiently. Clearly, he had no control over the speed of the motorcade.

I had expected a few hundred hard-core groupies to turn out for this final visit by the royal couple to the imperial tombs. Instead there must have been 5,000 or more. Some were dabbing away tears as the crowds began to disperse.

“I am grateful for what they have done for the Japanese people,” said a lady wearing an exquisite spring kimono. “I waved at them with the feeling of deep gratitude for all these years.”

“I am really moved,” said her friend. “I hope he can rest and have a peaceful life after so many years on duty.”

Kaoru Sugiyami, wearing a large floppy sunhat, had also come with a group of friends.

“I am not from the generation that experienced the war,” she said. “But when you look back, it is the emperor that has kept peace in Japan through his reign. So I wanted to come and see him on his last visit, to show my gratitude. I wanted to tell him, ‘thank you’.”

What is it that Emperor Akihito has done to inspire such feelings?

The consoler in chief

In January 1989, upon his father’s death, Emperor Akihito succeeded to the Chrysanthemum Throne.

It was an optimistic time. Japan was rich, at the height of its post-war economic boom. Sony was about to buy Columbia Pictures and Mitsubishi was on the verge of buying the Rockefeller Center in New York. The talk, in much of the world, was of Japan the new “superpower”.

Image copyright AFP

Image caption Japanese Emperor Akihito in ceremonial outfit, 1990

But a year into his reign, calamity struck. The asset bubble burst and the Tokyo stock market collapsed, losing 35% of its value. Nearly 30 years on, Japanese stocks and land prices are still below 1990 levels.

For most Japanese people the Heisei era – the name means “achieving peace” – has been one of economic stagnation. It has also been one marked by tragedy.

In January 1995, a 6.9 magnitude earthquake ripped through the city of Kobe, toppling buildings and motorway viaducts and starting fires that burned for days, turning the sky above the city black. Around 6,000 people were killed.

In 2011, an even more devastating quake hit off the north-east coast. At magnitude 9, it was the fourth largest earthquake ever recorded. It unleashed a giant tsunami that smashed into the coast of northern Japan, sweeping away whole towns and killing nearly 16,000 people.

It was after that second disaster that Emperor Akihito did something no emperor had ever done before. He sat down in front of a TV camera and spoke directly to the Japanese people.

Two weeks later, the emperor and empress arrived at an evacuation centre in a stadium outside Tokyo.

People were camped on the floor, a few meagre possessions piled around them. Most had fled the radiation cloud ejected from the damaged nuclear plant in Fukushima. They had left almost everything behind, unsure of when, or if, they would be able to return to their hometowns.

The emperor and empress knelt on the ground with each family in turn, talking to them quietly, asking questions, expressing concern.

Image copyright ISSEI KATO

Image caption Emperor Akihito and Empress Michiko talk with evacuees from the 2011 earthquake and tsunami

Japanese people had never seen an emperor behave like this before. To conservatives it was a shock. This is not how the direct descendant of the sun goddess Amaterasu should behave. But many more Japanese were deeply moved by the emperor’s very human show of empathy.

“He has moral authority,” says Prof Jeff Kingston, from Temple University in Tokyo. “And he’s earned it. He is the consoler in chief. He connects with the public in a way his father never could.

“So he goes to shelters and not like a politician going for a photo op, to wave and leave. He sits with people and drinks tea and engages in conversation in a way that was unthinkable in the pre-1945 era.”

The sins of the father

Emperor Akihito does not have the appearance of a revolutionary. He is small, modest and softly spoken. His words and actions are tightly constrained by Japan’s post-war constitution and, unlike Britain’s Queen Elizabeth, he is not Japan’s head of state.

Instead his role is much more vaguely defined as “symbol of the state and unity of the people”. He is banned from expressing any political opinion.

And yet within the tight straitjacket of his ceremonial role, Emperor Akihito has managed to do some remarkable things.

The first thing you need to remember is that Akihito is the son of Hirohito, the god-like emperor who reigned over Japan during its nearly 15-year rampage across Asia in the 1930s and 40s. Akihito was 12 when the war ended with the atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Image copyright Getty Images

Image caption Emperor Hirohito and Prince Akihito reading a newspaper

At some point in his education, some say under the influence of his American tutor Elizabeth Gray Vining, Akihito became a confirmed pacifist, and he remains so today. He has told people his greatest contentment comes from knowing that during his reign, not a single Japanese soldier has been killed in war or armed conflict.

The emperor has made it his job to reach out to Japan’s former enemies and victims. From Beijing to Jakarta, Manila to Saipan, he has sought to heal the wounds inflicted under his father.

“He created a new role for the emperor, and that is the nation’s chief emissary for reconciliation, criss-crossing the region, making gestures of atonement and contrition. Basically, trying to heal the scars of wartime past,” says Prof Kingston.

Image copyright Keystone-France

Image caption Wedding of Prince Akihito and Princess Michiko, 1959

In the 1990s that was relatively uncontroversial. Japanese politicians encouraged the emperor, arranging a landmark trip to China in 1992. But as he has grown older, Japanese politics has moved dramatically to the right.

The old “apology diplomacy” is out of favour, as is pacifism. The current prime minister, Shinzo Abe, had vowed to rid Japan of its pacifist constitution. He and others on the right want to bring back patriotic education, and expunge what they call the “historical masochism” of the post-war era.

Image copyright Getty Images

Image caption Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe walks past Emperor Akihito and Empress Michiko during an annual memorial service for war victims, Tokyo, 2014

In subtle, but determined ways, Emperor Akihito has repeatedly shown his disdain for the revisionists. In 2015, on the 70th anniversary of the end of the war, Mr Abe gave a speech.

“He basically said that the peace and prosperity we enjoy today is owing to the sacrifice of the three million Japanese who died during the war,” says Prof Kingston.

“The next day, Akihito was having none of that. He made a speech saying the prosperity we enjoy today is down to the hard work and sacrifice of the Japanese people after the war.”

To the millions of Japanese watching on TV, it was an unmistakable slapdown.

On another occasion at a royal garden party in Tokyo, a right-wing member of the Tokyo metropolitan government proudly told the emperor that he was in charge of making sure all teachers stand and face the flag when they sing the national anthem.

The emperor gently but emphatically admonished the bureaucrat.

“I am in favour of individual choice,” he said.

The long farewell

Throughout his reign, the emperor has been inseparable from his most important companion and advisor, Empress Michiko. She was born a commoner, and has, at times, found life in the imperial household extremely hard. In 1993, the empress collapsed from mental exhaustion and for two months she lost the ability to speak.

Image copyright Alamy

Image caption Empress Michiko married Emperor Akihito in April 1959

Writing recently, she spoke of her awe at her husband’s resolve.

“His duties required of him in his role are the utmost priority at all times and personal matters take second place,” she wrote, “and that is exactly how he has lived these nearly 60 years.”

But for some time, Emperor Akihito has been in declining health. He has had cancer and major heart bypass surgery. Those close to him say he has become increasingly worried that poor health would incapacitate him and make it impossible for him to carry out his official duties.

As far back as 2009, the emperor began quietly agitating to be allowed to hand the throne to his son. This is no easy task.

The post-war constitution makes it clear emperors are to serve “for life”. And so, according to Prof Takeshi Hara, of Japan’s Open University, the politicians ignored the emperor’s requests.

“Over the course of nine years, none of the governments sympathised with the emperor’s feelings,” he says. “They felt that if they complied with the emperor’s desire to abdicate, this would show the emperor has power to make important decisions, and that is against the constitution.”

Image copyright Getty Images

Image caption Prince Naruhito and Princess Masako with their pet dog Yuri.

It is a very Japanese conundrum. In increasing desperation, Prof Hara says the emperor and imperial household agency cooked up a scheme.

“The emperor and the Imperial Household Agency were growing more and more impatient,” he says. “So someone in the Household Agency leaked the information to NHK (Japan’s national broadcaster). Then NHK broadcast news of the emperor’s request.”

It was a huge scoop for Japan’s national broadcaster and it broke the impasse. A month later the emperor went on TV for a second time to appeal directly to the Japanese people, explaining his wish to step down and hand the throne to his son.

Opinion polls showed the overwhelming majority of Japanese supported the emperor’s wish. Mr Abe and the conservatives had no choice but to comply. It has taken nearly another two years, but now Emperor Akihito will finally be able to enjoy his retirement.

The country will officially begin a new era on 1 May, when Crown Prince Naruhito ascends to the Chrysanthemum Throne as the new emperor.

[cyuya-nakahara]

You’re Insufferable (We’re Inseparable) - Ch4

read on ao3

Dazai is nothing if not persistent.

Chapter 4: The Dog and the Hare

"Are you busy?" The question startled Chuuya as he emerged from the tearoom, and he looked to the side to see Dazai sitting against the wall beside the door, a book in hand and small bag beside him. He looked like he'd been there for hours. "What are you doing here?" He asked, sliding the door shut behind him. Dazai slipped a bookmark in his book's pages and closed it, setting it aside. He looked up to meet Chuuya's eye. "Waiting for you." He said honestly. "I was hoping you'd like to go to the park." Chuuya raised a brow and studied the other boy closely. "I'm not dressed for it." He said cautiously, gesturing at his kimono. "Kouyou would kill me if I ruined her clothes." Suddenly it clicked for Dazai that the ratty clothes Chuuya had worn on the mission were probably the only articles of clothing that Chuuya owned for himself, and he searched for a compromise. "We could sit in the tea garden." He suggested, gesturing in the general direction of Kouyou's gardens. "You could change into something more casual first." "Why do you keep trying to be around me?" Dazai jostled his bag. "I brought candy." It wasn't an answer, and the redhead wasn't impressed by the offer in the slightest, but to his own surprise— "Fine." He said flatly. A change of clothes later, Dazai and Chuuya found themselves sitting on a stone bench in Kouyou's garden, watching fish swim and leaves fall from the stresses of the breeze. They sat silently, listening to the wind in the pines. A silence stretched on for what seemed to be forever, but Chuuya finally broke it. "What are we doing out here?" He said bluntly, shattering the meditative atmosphere. His voice seemed tired and disillusioned, because he was. He couldn't fathom why Dazai had come here to meet him at all. "I just want to talk." The boy answered back. Dazai kicked his legs as he looked at the ground. "We started poorly. Pretend I don't know you." "That's not hard." Chuuya laughed and he continued, "I hardly know you at all." He spoke with a laugh but his words fell on a silent backdrop, ringing true for both of them. Everything they knew of each other was derived from a few short encounters and a great deal of assumptions. Chuuya, for example, knew the other boy was called Dazai. He knew he was always bandaged up in some way, and he knew he was cared for by the greasy man that had insulted him when he'd first been brought in. He knew he could neutralise gifts, and he knew he was a bit of a prick. He didn't know much else at all. And Dazai knew little more. He knew Chuuya's full name, and he knew Kouyou cared for him. He knew his gift manipulated gravity, and that he'd been living on the streets before the Mafia had found him. He knew the progression of roles he had in his short time in the Mafia thus far, and he knew a bit of Chuuya's tactical strengths. He knew that Kouyou didn't wish to cut  his hair for whatever reason, and assorted other bits of trivia without context or importance. Neither knew much of the other at all. "I think we should just start over." Dazai said, leaning on his unbroken arm. "Introduce yourself, like we never even met. I'll do the same." He looked at Chuuya, studying his face. Chuuya looked back, and then sighed. He still hadn't gotten any word on why the other kid cared so much, but there wasn't any harm here. "Nakahara Chuuya." He said hesitantly, unsure of what kind of game they were playing. "Dazai." The other responded. And then, like robot, continued: "I am gifted. My gift is 'No Longer Human', and it is that any gift I come into contact with is rendered null and void." He spoke almost mechanically, and Chuuya wondered how many times the brunet had said those exact words before. It was a weird way for him to introduce himself; Chuuya hadn't even thought to mention his ability. Dazai apparently hadn't thought to give his full name. It bugged him. "Mine is 'For the Tainted Sorrow'," he said, still not onboard with whatever Dazai was trying to do, "as you might recall, it manipulates gravity." "How does it work?" Chuuya scoffed. "I'm not telling you that. I know your 'no trust in the Mafia' deal and I don't know what you're up to. I'm not telling you anything in depth about my ability, no way, dude." Dazai nodded, unsurprised. "Okay." The two sat in an uncomfortable silence filled only by the bubbling of the pond for well over a minute before either spoke again. "'No Longer Human' is a gift of the highest priority and potency." Dazai explained without prompting, breaking the silence and looking at the ground. "It activates when I touch an ability in use, no matter what it is, how strong its effects may be, or if I want it to. My ability will always neutralise other gifts before they act on me." "You can't turn it off?" Chuuya asked, raising a brow. That was an idea that was foreign to him. His own ability was something he turned on and off at will with relative ease, and so was pretty much every other ability he'd ever encountered. Something he used when he needed it. It happened without warning sometimes, but he could stop it eventually. The way the other talked about this, though, was what Dazai had even really a gift? The way it was described, it seemed more like...an extra feature of his body. Like Dazai's body had dark hair and fair skin, and it neutralised abilities on contact. Gifts had always seemed like special skills to Chuuya. Controllable things. Things that could be harnessed and trained. "No." Dazai said simply. "Can you?" Chuuya had taken to pulling the leaves off of a nearby plant, amassing a small pile in his lap. "I'd thought everyone could." He mumbled. Dazai frowned. "I'm still not telling you anything about mine." Chuuya added, looking at Dazai as he fiddled with a leaf in his hand. The other boy nodded. "That's fair." Another long silence ensued, but Chuuya was the one to break it this time. "So uh," he started, trying to make new conversation without tripping over words, "you're...important huh? I mean, you're my age, right?" Dazai wasn't entirely following. "I turned 11 recently." He said flatly, eyes on the other. Chuuya bit his lip and leaned back on his hands. "So you must be important right? I was supposed to be your bodyguard or something, but you're just a kid. And Kouyou talks really nice about you too. What makes you so special? Kouyou says you're smart." "I suppose that's true." The conversation fell flat on its face and another silence ensued. Chuuya began tearing up the leaves in his lap. This exercise they were doing was pointless— they were exchanging info but were they actually getting anywhere? It was just small talk, and Chuuya wasn't keen on small talk. He wasn't particularly good at small talk, he didn't like small talk, and in his experience small talk didn't like him. He usually wound up saying something wrong, and depending on who he was talking to, that ranged from uncomfortable to disastrous. Dazai didn't seem like he'd be the disaster sort, but that didn't mean he wanted to chance it. "Look—" he said, tossing a leaf into the pond, "what do you want? Why do you keep trying to talk to me? Just tell me straight up, please." He looked at Dazai in earnest. He liked "straight up". He liked honest expressions and uncomplicated conversations. He liked to say what he thought, whenever possible, and he preferred when others did the same. It rarely worked out that way, but it was what he liked, and it was what he wanted from this conversation badly. Dazai, however, did not like "straight up". "We started off badly." Dazai said again, his voice as practiced and scripted as his talk of his ability. "I just want to be friends." "Have you ever actually made a friend?" The question came out before Chuuya even thought to think and he immediately bit down on his lip as the discomfort hit the atmosphere like an atom bomb. A silence grew and the silence was telling —Dazai, like himself, probably had not had many opportunities for that. Chuuya reached out to touch the other. "Hey dude, I haven't really either." He said apologetically, trying to ease the damage. The brunet looked down at his arm and stared, and a different expression slipped underneath the blank one he'd been wearing as he observed the redhead's arm that extended from his sleeve. Chuuya wasn't sure what that meant. It was weird but it didn't seem bad. He wasn't sure what changed, but this expression seemed...real, and Dazai looked like a person had come to take his body off autopilot. "Do you like sweets?" He asked, his eyes still fixed on Chuuya's skin as he changed topics entirely. Chuuya drew his arm back slowly. "What kind?" "I don't actually know." He confessed, but he got out his bag, pulling out a handful of hard wrapped candies. "I just stole a handful of whatever Mori had in his jar for Elise. I'm not actually allowed to have them." Chuuya grimaced at Mori's name. He took the hard candy from Dazai when it was handed to him, but he didn't dare to eat it. "Is this stuff even safe?" He asked. Dazai was already popping one into his mouth. "Probably —ugh, cinnamon." He took the candy right back out of his mouth and wrapped it back up while Chuuya continued to look at his like it might secretly be full of razors. Dazai selected a yellow one this time, confident that the flavour possibilities for that colour were safe, and slid it in his mouth. "These are Elise's." He reiterated, talking around the candy. "Mori likes her. And besides, poisoning a bowl of candy that he and Elise eat from on the off chance that I steal some to give to you is a method that's inefficient, unguaranteed, and not his style. The candies are almost certainly safe." Chuuya reluctantly put one in his mouth. Dazai clearly trusted his judgement on the matter enough to eat them. And if something happened, well, at least he wouldn't be in the hospital alone. "Why is Elise allowed to have them but you're not?" He asked, tucking the hard candy in his cheek and pulling his legs up onto the bench. He turned to sit sideways facing Dazai. Dazai shrugged. "He likes her better I guess; poor girl. Why won't Kouyou let you cut your hair?" He said the question easily but it dropped awkwardly and Chuuya frowned, confused. "I could if I wanted, she's not stopping me. I just like it long." Oh. "It's pretty." Dazai said as a weak save for the implication of his question. It wasn't a lie, though. "Thank you." Dazai paused, looking at the pond, and then at Chuuya, at his hair and his clothes. He looked like Kouyou's spitting image, and the brunet wondered what that felt like to him. Did he abhor it? Like it? Did he even know? He wouldn't ask. "Do you enjoy learning from her?" He asked instead. His question was vague, designed to try and get the information he wanted. Chuuya just threw another leaf into the pond and answered simply, "I hate tea." It was an understandable answer for the circumstances. The conversations went on, with vague questions and cautious answers, until the sun began to sink lower in the sky. And by the time that came...well, they weren't quite friendly, but they weren't hostile either. And something between them made it seem so hard for either to leave. "I have to go." Chuuya said, rising from the bench and extending a hand to the other. Dazai nodded. He should have returned home long ago. "I'll come again." He said, and took Chuuya's hand to help himself up.

[lovelyfantasticfart]

Warehouse On the market Miami

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Written by Wild Bill on The Prepper Journal.

As we normal folks prepare for emergencies, disasters and the like, I was curious as to how one might approach this should “money be no object.” I myself have never had that problem, when cost was an afterthought, not a concern. But there are those that are born to or succeed to a point where this is their reality and in such Daniel Williams brought the following to my attention.

I for one found it fascinating, not just for the content and presentation but for the reality that if the EOTWAWKI, SHTF happens some of the “Golden Horde” is going to be its own little fiefdom, replete with private armies and weapons you only see in the movies. Another consideration to take into account as we all try to survive.

If it demonstrates anything it clearly shows that being rich and successful does not mean you are not just as flawed as us little people.

Since The New Yorker unveiled the doomsday survivalist strategies of the super-rich in 2017, the planet’s most monied men and women have proceeded to amp things up.

And you can’t fault the scope of their ambition as they look to inter-planetary escape, de facto states and even immortality to evade the collapse of our planet and the revolt of its stinking, heathen masses.

As such, the content team at Loanable have created an infographic which shows the freshest, weirdest and most popular ways the master’s of the universe will side-step doom should a catastrophe topple the natural order.

Mars Biospheres

Do you believe this better for mankind than to become extinct?

It is possible this dilemma will come to pass. Because what if Musk musters only a few thousand survivalists to colonize the red planet? It will be their duty to spread life on Mars.

Musk’s recent pledge to bring Pizza Hut to his biospheres also extends to some of The Hut’s industry rivals, so his Spaceship X survivalists will see out their days with a heady mix of fast food inside a giant greenhouse with an anti-gravity chamber on hand. Should the world end, some will perhaps consider that an upgrade on our current form of civilization.

Laser Eye Surgery

To prepare for post-nuclear melt down and martial law being unable to contain the baying mobs, then first things first. You absolutely, positively, need to pre-emptively correct the plus 1.2 vision in your left eye, right?

Because this is what Steve Huffman would have us believe.

And if you can’t get round to laser eye surgery before the world goes to hell, then you must face down the existential threats by stockpiling contact lens solution instead.

And who am I to deride Huffman and his survivalist priorities? This man who is the brilliant, billionaire, founder of the “front page of the internet” as against a glib content creator, sitting in pajamas in a tiny basement flat, with pieces of peppermint immovably lodged in between his teeth?

Private Armies

The private standing army is the essential end-of-the world accessory for the financial overlord. And what really matters is how big your force of mercenary soldiers is compared to the next man’s.

In this spirit, a number of American survivalist billionaires recently met in secret in Switzerland – with the size of their squadrons top of the agenda. After all, what’s the point in accruing billions of dollars if you don’t have a system in place to protect it from the antsy hoi polloi when the world is in peril?

But if food and water and law and order are in short supply, and hyper-inflation kicks in as it typically does during extreme crisis, then subordinating one’s troops becomes a real issue.

And whereas in the past, the very rich could trade Givenchy, Chapaud and furs for loyalty, today’s fiscally elite survivalists are largely austere, righteous and lacking in ostentatious possessions (other than, ironically, their anti-armageddon accouterments) This means they’ll be faced with the futile task of trading stock in solar powered hectares in Arizona for the fading loyalty of their soldiers.

Food Mountains

Instead of posing the tired question of what would be your last meal before you die, we can instead ask what’s the best meal to have when the planet dies?

And on this front, survivalist food kits are a multi-billion dollar business. They are also a great leveler: rich and poor alike will typically be reliant on the same, boring types of emergency food: cereals, tinned fruit and vegetable and freeze-dried produce.

Many of the survivalist food kits, though, do offer charming, unexpected flourishes such as the hand wipes provided by leading emergency food kit manufacturer, Gear Hungry. After all, it’s bad enough having the world end before your very eyes without also having to deal with pesky, sticky fingers from your mini-pack raisin and sultana mix.

Survival Condo Projects

Luxury living inside a former nuclear bunker is a special pitch for special times. This form of subterranean existence is perfect for the super rich survivalist who isn’t grandiose or romantic enough to set their sites on living in space.

The full luxury, doomsday units in Wichita Falls, Texas can be yours from around $3 million USD and they will allow 75 people to outlive the real world for up to 5 years.

There is also a special, organic hydroponic and aquaculture facility which is THE place to get your hands on luxury survivalist produce. This means that when the general public run out of food and start eating each other’s radio- active flesh, you can dine on carefully cultivated matsutake mushrooms, saffron and albino sturgeon procured from the Sterlet fish being farmed in the sea water tanks.

The Wichita Falls condo units also offer a further, rich blend of banal and apocalyptic features. So you can enjoy “Nuclear, Biological, and Chemical air filtration” alongside the “Washer and dryer in each unit”. And as well as the “Command & Control Center” you will find “Full kitchens with High-end stainless appliances” lest you endure a nuclear fall out with the added indignity of not having a sashimi-grade cutting knife.

The Doomsday Clock

The time of the clock (which gauges how close the world is to catastrophe) is governed by The Board of Atomic Scientists whose numbers include a dozen Nobel prize winners and experts in various fields.

As well as the present day, the only other occasion the Doomsday Clock was as far gone as 11:58 pm was in 1953 – after the Soviet Union and the U.S had developed and tested “H-Bombs”.

So it doesn’t look good for us then.

It might, perhaps, be said, though, that The Board of Atomic Scientists a doom- laden lot. The earliest time they have ever recorded was 11:43 pm in 1991, after a pact between Russia and the U.S to reduce nuclear arms.

Which means we’ve never been more than a figurative 17 minutes from the end of the world. And this begs the question of what insane level of utopia we’d have to attain to make it, say, 08:27 am?

New Zealand

Many New Zealand media outlets reacted with anger to vast parts of their beautiful country being sold to over a dozen Silicon Valley billionaires. Presumably, it was more irritating still, though, when James Cameron started buying up land there.

All of the above contributed to a change in the law in 2018, restricting non-citizens’ right to buy property in New Zealand. This can be side-stepped, however, by acquiring permanent residency if $7.5m USD is invested in the country year-on year after an initial outlay.

This forms part of a bigger picture of “passport collecting” amongst dozens of the world’s richest survivalists. Because as well as allowing them to find political and economic safe havens, multi-citizenship is the ultimate keeping-it-classy-the hell with-you status symbol; the non-gauche equivalent of the mega-yacht.

Inside the mind of Ray Kurzweil

Eternal life achieved through a downloaded conscience is of long-running intrigue to survivalists, science fiction writers and raging narcissists alike. So let us ponder, then, what it means to exist without bodily movement or sensation for infinity…

…Those billions of years you’d have alone with your biggest regrets. The trillions of years spent with no means of generating new memories. Or perhaps you’d lose your mind and your memories altogether; for there can be no absolute guarantee against that.

So maybe, then, you’d be terrified, trapped and confused ad infinitum. In which case you’d think someone would flip the switch and put out of your misery. Unless you get overlooked in the data base, lost in the system. Forever conscious.

Enjoy it, Ray.

There you have it, perhaps “out there on some points” eye-opening on others. Knowledge is power, and your power is to process it and keep the parts that add value to your life.

Be Safe out there and be sure to check out The Prepper Journal Store and follow The Prepper Journal on Facebook!

The post Survival of the Richest: How the World’s Financial Elite are Preparing for Armageddon appeared first on The Prepper Journal.

from The Prepper Journal Don't forget to visit the store and pick up some gear at The COR Outfitters. How prepared are you for emergencies? #SurvivalFirestarter #SurvivalBugOutBackpack #PrepperSurvivalPack #SHTFGear #SHTFBag

[japansojournsummer2018]

A Sojourner’s Guide to Japan

So, you’re planning on staying in Japan for a while? If you need help figuring out what to expect and how to behave, look no further.

Where?

Japan is a small island nation located to the East of China and the Koreas, at the far Eastern edge of Asia. It is a traditional and ceremonial culture, and it celebrates its roots that go back for thousands of years. While it is not correct to loop it in with all other Asian cultures, it does share several similarities with its neighbors China and South Korea. For starters, the kanji system used in Japanese writing borrows thousands of Chinese characters that use the original Chinese pronunciation and the Japanese version. Both Koreans and Japanese people bow to each other as a sign of respect. All three have mixture of Buddhism, Christianity, and Shintoism, though Shintoism remains mostly in Japan. Japanese people often practice parts of both Shintoism and Buddhism. Most other religions cover a much smaller portion of the population.

How is it run?

Information taken from (https://www.eubusinessinjapan.eu/why-japan/regions-prefectures). Japan is divided into 9 regions and further into 47 prefectures. The regions are Hokkaido, Tohoku, Kanto, Chubu, Kansai, Chugoku, Shikoku, Kyushu, and Okinawa. Japan’s capital is Tokyo City, located in the Kanto region. Other major cities include Yokohama, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo, Kobe, Kyoto, Fukuoka, Kawasaki, and Saitama. Japan is a constitutional monarchy, where it has an emperor with limited power. It has an executive, legislative, and judicial branch, much like the US. The Prime Minister acts as the official head of government. The emperor acts as a ceremonial leader, which is the only real area in which Japan’s government involves religion. Japan’s government is very modern compared to the ancient feudal times when much was decided by war and conquest.

Major Historical Events

Japan has experienced several significant events in its history, concerning both itself and the rest of the world. Information taken from (http://miner8.com/en/13587) The US dropped two atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki on August 6th, 1945, taking tens of thousands of lives and forcing Japan’s surrender in WWII. Japan’s constitution was put into effect on May 3rd, 1947, under the United States’ supervision. Japan gained its independence from US control on January 1st, 1952. It joined the UN in 1956. It was the host of its first summer Olympic games in 1964. Some historic battles include the Battle of Sekigahara and the Battle of Tsushima. (https://www.penguin.co.uk/articles/features/2017/jul/ten-moments-that-shaped-japan/) The Great Kanto Earthquake of 1923 killed 100,000 people and leveled Tokyo and Yokohama. The attack on Pearl Harbor was orchestrated on December 7th, 1941, triggering the US’s entrance into WWII. Matthew Perry was responsible for the end of Japan’s isolationism, when he signed a treaty with Japan to allow the US to sell goods in Japanese ports.

Society

HeirarchyStructure.com (https://www.hierarchystructure.com/japan-social-hierarchy/) describes Japan’s class system as a 3-class system. The upper class, comprised of royals and business owners, the middle class, full of small business owners and servicemen, and the lower class, comprised of laborers. This follows a similar structure to the US, bar the royal family. One could ascend or descends the classes based on their income, and the system is not a strict one. Gender roles in Japan typically follow the same blueprint. Men are expected to work and bring home the paycheck, and women are expected to stay home as a housewife. As with many cultures, this has been challenged in recent years, with the roles being reversed or completely ignored in some cases. Despite this social progress, the work-oriented mindset still dominates the culture regardless of sex and has led to a lower birthrate in the country. To continue to work and contribute to the company takes place over family matters in most all situations.

Japanese people are taught to save face in public situations, which means that they will avoid confrontation at all costs. They will avoid discussing hot button issues as arguing in public would be disruptive. You can expect a Japanese person to agree with you or appear to even if they do not, as saving face takes priority over honesty if it means causing discomfort. In this sense, Japanese culture is very high-context, as you will have to rely on one’s body language and behavior more than what they are saying to truly understand what they mean. Their communication is very neutral, and this can often lead to misunderstandings with foreigners who are used to being very expressive. Choosing to yell or openly voice your opinion will make you come across as a brash and loud person, so trying to be quiet and not stand out is usually the best route to take. It is also a good idea to study Japanese as much as you are able, as it is the only language outside schools that is officially used. School teachers are required to have a good amount of proficiency in English, so you will hopefully have less trouble there if you are traveling as a student.

The culture is also a very polite one, where greetings change based on who you are addressing. You might say “yo” to a friend you see on the street, but if you were introducing yourself to a stranger, you might open with 初めまして、私は_____ です (hajimemashite, watashi wa ____ desu), which translates to It is nice to meet you, I am ____. Clothing and posture are also very important in the workplace. You are expected to bow at different angles when thanking someone, which also depend on who you are thanking. Depending on the company, you will likely be expected to be dressed professionally at all times. Japan is a very monochronic culture, where punctuality is an absolute must. There is even a saying, “if you arrive on time, you are fifteen minutes late.” This simply means that you should always strive to be early as it is simply expected of you. You should also be respectful of others space, as touching is very rare in public among most people. In other situations, like drinking or on a subway, it may be different. Just don’t run up to hug your Japanese friend despite what you might be used to back home. (http://guide.culturecrossing.net/basics_business_student_details.php?Id=9&CID=104)

The fun stuff

Let’s start with the cuisine. Japanese people typically eat three times a day- breakfast, lunch, and dinner. There are no cultural norms regarding who you must eat with and where, so go out and eat to your hearts content. I would advise carrying cash on you at all times, as not every store will accept credit cards. The Japanese currency in the yen (pronounced “en”), and it comes in numerous coins and paper notes. (https://www.oanda.com/currency/iso-currency-codes/JPY) It was made official in 1871 and has been the national currency ever since. As for where to exchange USD for Yen, you can find exchanges at airports, and most banks and post offices will have an exchange available as well. 100 yen is worth a bit less than a US dollar, so you can kind of estimate what something costs in dollars if you can round down a little. Food does not necessarily cost more over in Japan, but portion sizes are sometimes smaller and may have you buying more servings depending on your eating style. Much of Japan’s food is based around fish, as they are an island nation with fishable waters on all sides. Also expect to see lots of lobster, octopus, shellfish, and other aquatic foods you might not normally see. Beef will be more expensive, as Japan has limited access to supplies of it. Japan has thousands of ramen shops, and you won’t have trouble finding a quality sushi restaurant either. Sushi, curry, and ramen share a spot as the most popular foods in Japan. Most meals will have a bowl of rice and miso soup, with an assortment of other dishes. Pickled vegetables and some sort of meat will usually accompany them. Table manners are a whole different animal. I have shared a video earlier on my blog that you can use to get a decent idea of how to behave at the dinner table.

If you’re looking for entertainment, you likely won’t need to travel far (unless you’re out in the inaka, or countryside). You can sing karaoke with friends, go out to a bar (if you’re old enough), join a community group, go fishing, go skiing/snowboarding, sightsee, the list goes on and on. If you’d rather stay home and watch TV or listen to the radio, they have that too. NHK is a massive company funded by viewers that serves as a neutral reporting station. They are a good source for national news if you can get the information translated. There will also be local stations depending on where you are located, so check with the locals to see who is best to tune in to. Japan also has one of the largest film industries in the world. The movie Tokyo Story won Best Film produced in Asia in a Sight & Sound listing, and Japan has also won the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film four times. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinema_of_Japan) Check out a studio Ghibli film for a classic anime masterpiece, or head down to the theater to see if you can find a movie with English subtitles.

Regardless of your reason for going to Japan, I hope that this paper helped you out, and maybe even saved you some embarrassment in an otherwise unfortunate situation. Be sure to check out Mount Fuji during your stay and visit an onsen (hot spring) before you go. Good luck!

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Hayley has a good 10 years of experience training guys (and gals) to be masters of getting past fear and discovering natural and easy ways to meet and attract ideal partners.

And I’m not just saying this because Hayley is “the daughter of my heart” and one of my best friends.

Hayley will be showing you her “Dating Operating System” that I think is truly nothing short of genius. Among other things, you will discover: The real way to make a woman incredibly attracted to you by understanding “The Matrix” of female attraction Hayley’s exclusive blueprint for deep connection to make her realize she’s never met a man like you before How to become a man she is magnetized by – no matter what you look like How to let your non-verbal cues do the talking and turn her on without you saying a word And much, much more in Hayley’s highly detailed presentation

“Ok Ross, You’ve Got Me Hot On It… So What’s The Investment So I Can Claim My Instant Access To This Amazing New Program Now?”

Listen: rather than go through the blah-blah-blah, I’m just going to put it on the table.

For a limited time – until Tuesday, May 16th at 3:00 PM Pacific, your investment is just $397 USD at the special introductory rate.

To make it even easier, I have a 3-pay program that helps you spread those payments out a little.

And to make it more enticing, I’m going to throw in the following bonuses that take effect IMMEDIATELY when you enroll now: UNLEASH YOUR ULTIMATE SUCCESS BONUS: The Radical Art of Unblocking Yourself – LIVE Online Class To Be Held Thursday, May 18th, 2017 ($397 value)

In a 60-minute online training, we will work together to set you free of what blocks so many smart guys, like you, from success with the women you want to be with, anytime and anywhere.

This training will be held on Thursday, May 18th at7:00 PM Pacific. By claiming your access to this video collection now, you will receive a VIP ticket to attend live.

Claim your Day Game Mastery and Mindset Monster course NOW to get your “LIVE” ticket as a free fast-action bonus! You can count on the ongoing support of me (Ross Jeffries) and my entire “Bang Babe Brain Trust” with this JUMP-START YOUR SEDUCTION SUCCESS BONUS: Membership In Our “TOP SECRET” Ross Jeffries Elite Student Mastermind Group On Facebook ($997+ value)

Here’s your chance to enjoy constant and private support from your fellow students as you step into enjoying the elite Speed Seduction® brotherhood. Talk amongst yourselves, share stories and Sarge reports, ask questions, give each other encouragement…

… AND receive occasional mentorship from me (I do my best to pop into the group at least 3 times a week to address your questions, add to the conversation, and share my stories as well.) Plus, during the introductory launch period ONLY, you will gain, at no additional cost: “WIN WITH WORDS” PERSUASION SUCCESS BONUS: Secrets Of Stealth Persuasion: How To Double Or Triple Your Bottom Line Closings, Conversions And Sales Using the Power Of Invisible Influence ($697 value) spaceplay / pause qunload | stop ffullscreenshift + ←→slower / faster ↑↓volume mmute ←→seek . seek to previous 12… 6 seek to 10%, 20% … 60% In this wicked bonus module, you’ll learn how to effectively “seduce” your customers and clients to make the decision to hire, buy etc on the unconscious level, in minutes, using some wickedly powerful and easy to use methods.

Look: I’ve personally used each and every one of the methods, tricks, principles and tools I teach in this module for my own business. And that means you can get very excited at how will benefit and profit from having the same power to bend minds, warp wills and drive decisions and behaviors that I do.

Here is just some of what you’ll learn: The seven “Pull Their Strings/Puppet Master” Principles that form the essential foundation for any and all acts of hypnotic persuasion Four word-for-word “get them to buy now” hypnotic patterns you can drop into any sales or business context to pre-program your prospect to already decide to buy from you-before you make any actual presentation How to use “Truisms” to blow objections out of the water How to use “Agreement Frames” to give your prospect AMNESIA from their objections How to use meaning reframes to use objections as cognitive leverage to get your prospect to MAKE YOUR DAY – by handing over their cash, check or credit card! Listen: it’s against the law for me to make any promises when it comes to earning money, but what I WILL say is that if you have any intelligence at all, then applying the methods and secrets I teach in this segment might easily make you back your investment and probably much more!

And that means the net cost of you claiming your course now could very likely be ZERO. After Tuesday the 16th, the Secrets of Stealth Persuasion will become a paid upgrade instead of a no-additional-cost bonus – and even that is if (and I mean a BIG “IF”) I allow any new students to claim access to it at all!

And Yes, Your Investment Is Protected…

Realizing now, all the success this course will bring you, and that ***I*** am taking all the risk, aren’t you going to be one of the smart men who can find yourself claiming your instant access right now?

Of course you are!

It’s Up To You – Either Keep On Guessing And Muddling Through… Or Learn REAL Success From The Best! Listen: if you want to do it on the cheap, try to figure it out on your own and guess your way through, then I certainly will wish you good luck and happy journeys in your battle up against incredible odds.

Or if you want to hope, pray, waste your fortune on therapy or the very worst, LISTEN TO WOMEN’S ADVICE ON THE SUBJECT – then I actually feel sorry for you.

But if you are ready – truly ready – to get this area of life fully handled and put the days of struggle and settling behind you once and for all – and smile to yourself at how good your life feels then GET YOUR INSTANT ACCESS NOW.

It’s up to you now. It would be my honor to be your teacher and your guide.

Will you give YOURSELF that gift, is the question you must ask and answer now. “I’m Rarin’ And Ready, Ross! Let’s Make This Happen. How Do I Get My Instant Online Access Right Now?” Just go here to claim your instant access now (you will create a username and password and get started as soon as you finish the online signup process): LET ME IN NOW >>>

(Click here for an easy 3-payment plan for your Day Game Mastery and Mindset Monster course) If you have questions or need assistance with your registration, or would prefer to sign up over the phone, or whatever, we’re ready to help!

E-mail team@seduction.com or call (323) 252-1531 [use country code 1 as that’s a US number] ross-personal-coaching-1Peace and see you inside,

ross-jeffries-signature-6

Ross Jeffries The Living Legend of Seduction™ P.S. Look: one thing that all successful people have in common is they take action. So the choice is really yours:

You can hope things get better on their own.

You can wait for things to get better on your own.

Or you can jam down on that register now button and recognize: things are about to get, way, way better, starting right now.

The choice is yours.

P.P.S. One thing I want to make crystal clear: if you haven’t lived up to your potential with women, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT! You’ve been lied to over and over again by society about what works. It’s time to strip away those lies and claim your success with women. It’s your birthright.

P.P.P.S. Listen: there’s only one, original, “father of seduction” and that’s me. Screw the Ross Jeffries imitators, impersonators and copycats, and come get the original, real deal, buddy. You deserve the best!

Questions and Answers About Speed Seduction®: Day Game Mastery and Mindset Monster:

Ross Jeffries – Day Game Mastery & Mindset Monster Program posted first on premiumwarezstore.blogspot.com

[sublimedeal]

Ross Jeffries – Day Game Mastery & Mindset Monster Program

Ross Jeffries – Day Game Mastery & Mindset Monster Program

More info – http://archive.is/qEiFO

Ross Jeffries – Day Game Mastery & Mindset Monster Program

ACT NOW: The special introductory offer ends in just Claim Your Instant Access Now And Discover How To…

Become A Daytime Pick Up Master, Get Women Dripping With My Never-Before-Taught Seduction Language Patterns, And Have A “Crush It” Mindset For Wild Success In Every Area Of Your Life! spaceplay / pause qunload | stop ffullscreenshift + ←→slower / faster ↑↓volume mmute ←→seek . seek to previous 12… 6 seek to 10%, 20% … 60%

From The Desk Of: Ross Jeffries, “Godfather” of The Worldwide Seduction Community

Dear Rabid Getting Laid Fan,

Imagine living a life where you are constantly and easily meeting a stream of new, hot women wherever you go.

Imagine getting them hot and bothered in record time with the most advanced and never-before-taught seduction language patterns.

And, imagine enjoying a kick-ass “crush it” mindset that has you massively and consistently motivated to powerfully reach your wealth goals, your health goals, and beyond.

If any of this sounds like something you can easily find yourself wanting, then… …My Brand New, Guaranteed To Work For You, Pickup and Seduction Course Is The Holy Grail You’ve Been Waiting For!

Listen: my name is Ross Jeffries and I am a Puss-a-holic.

More importantly for you, I am a teach-a-holic and an obsessive compulsive thinker on the subject of what will make you successful with women and how to help you step up and claim the life you want, desire, and deserve.

But, before I tell you about just how wickedly good this new, latest, and most original of my courses is (and exactly the stunning results it will bring you) I need to get something off my chest before it explodes. Hold On Tight… Because Here It Comes You see, I recently made the decision to focus my energy, effort and creativity on teaching businesses and entrepreneurs to use my persuasion and mindset skill sets to “seduce” their customers to signing the contract, making the sale and raking in the cash.

Now I thought (quite arrogantly and even stupidly) that I had enough creativity and focus and passion to keep doing what I have always loved doing: constantly creating new and better maps and methods for guys just like you to outrageously win with women, and at the same time pursue my new business ventures.

But, to put it bluntly, I couldn’t “get it up” to do both.

It even got so bad, I did the worst sin of all: I stopped exploring and creating new techniques, and my communication with my students slowed to a trickle. How My Bang Babe Brain Trust Brought Me Roaring Back To Life Ok: I’m almost done with my story, so find yourself following along for one more minute because you really need to hear this.

You see, for the past few months, I’ve had an elite “brain trust” of my best and brightest students who have been going out into the real world, trying my latest stuff, and sharing their experiences.

Based on their feedback about what they learned, wanted, and needed, I got excited again and went back into my lab to come up with killer pickup and seduction stuff they’d never seen before.

I’ve combined that with what I’ve been teaching my VIP business clients about staying motivated to make millions to come up with this killer course that will not only have you experiencing new levels of success with women, but also enjoying a “crush-it” mindset to succeed in every area of your life.

Anyway, enough ranting.

Let’s get to it by telling you about Part I of this new course… My “Day Game Mastery / Meet Women Blueprint”

Look: please forgive if this seems a bit harsh, but if you don’t have a consistent, systematic, easy to use method to have you meeting lots of women at least 2-3 times a week, it’s very unlikely you will ever achieve the success you truly want.

On the other hand, having a “blueprint” that gets you past any hesitation and shows you exactly what to say is priceless. And that’s why I’m making it a big priority in this course.

In this part of the course (that includes hands-on demonstrations) I will show you how to: Use curiosity to approach young women and get them swiftly taking their panties off Use “cold reads” to implant vivid sexual imagery in her mind, even when other people are watching Avoid the 3 biggest errors when using the “direct approach” – and start using it the RIGHT way Use three “humor hacks” to ensure she’s laughing herself into you (instead of laughing her ass off AT you!) Mentally use “The More, The More” Pattern to get yourself MORE confident with the women who turn you on the MOST! (This will totally reverse the “Can’t Get The 9s and 10s” Syndrome. The hotter you find her, the more confidently you’ll approach.) Effectively use “The Fake Apology” to blow her out of the water and show the biggest balls in town! Turn her hurry into horny – AKA how to stop her when she’s in a rush and make her ready to get down and gush Take the conversation in five (count ’em, FIVE) different directions once you’ve opened, to swiftly pattern her panties off. (No more guesswork on where to go next – I clearly map out the branches of this tree for you.)

Just these tactics, alone, are worth more than your entire (low) investment in this course.

Now, watch me add rocket-fuel to this course as I launch The Atom Bomb Of Seduction Language Patterns Now listen: this brand-new course doesn’t just lay out this new foolproof roadmap to easily meet and excite women anywhere (with the exception of seedy bars and noisy nightclubs).

I’m also including two brand new, soak-their-panties language patterns.

And while I’m proud of both of them, I consider my “Airplane Finger Fun” pattern to be… The Very Best, Most Effective Seduction Pattern I’ve Ever Taught – In 30 Years! You see, this pattern opens up the erotic, sexual imagination of women and bridges the gap between talking to them and touching them.

It appeals to one of their primary fantasies – doing something naughty in a place where they could get caught.

This pattern has, up until now, only been taught to my VIP $750+/hr clients, and they are having 100% success with it. I guarantee it will take you from a stumbling, bumbling “I can get them talking but can’t escalate” dude – and transform you into a guy who has to carry emergency condom supplies in every pocket.

You’ll also learn: How to use Sexual “Feed Forward Loops” to get her obsessively fantasizing about banging you How to use the four Seduction Conversation Formats to stack suggestions and create maximum receptivity How to use “Deep Dive Questions” to get her telling you exactly what you need to say to bounce her straight into your bed How and when to introduce Sexual Metaphor into the conversation to implant the naughtiest thoughts in her noggin’ What to say to younger women, to turn them on – and stay out of trouble! The exact, word for word language that gets women calling YOU first (this works especially well on younger women!) How to use “Cold Reads” to get her talking about her wildest fantasies

All This Plus The Famous Speed Seduction® Patterns To Get Women Hot, Bothered And Ready To Do The Deed With You! Also, I’ll be teaching you the classics that launched my controversy-filled career.

Come and learn these classic patterns that have gotten tens of thousands of guys laid: The Famous Blow Job Pattern The Legendary Instantly Recognize Pattern The Never-Fails Paris Hilton Joke The Stealthy Business Card Trick The moment you crack open your instant online access, you’ll see that these are four “bonus” modules I filmed after the seminar where I created this body of work – at the request of the students in the Elite Brain Trust.

(Please: once you have these patterns, do not reveal them to friends, family, moochers and morons. These are some of the best language/seduction patterns of my 30-year seduction track record!)

Now, if that’s STILL not enough, then you’ll definitely find yourself claiming your instant access now to get your hands on my brand-new Bonus Segment: How To Induce Endless Hypnotic Orgasms

Would you like to learn how to use hypnosis and trance to incredibly improve your woman’s sexual responsiveness – and willingness to stretch her boundaries, break her rules and try on ANYTHING?

Then you’ll love this wild ass bonus teaching segment where I “lift the curtain” on what I’ve been privately using myself, and show you how to: Create “Erotic Feed Forward Loops” so the hotter she feels, the more that she craves Double or triple her experience of pleasure in a way that triggers her total surrender to your power (a primary female fantasy by the way) Plus, a third “piece of the puzzle” that is easy to understand but too intricate to go into here. (Let’s just say it is the icing on the “cootchy cake”.) I’ve never, ever taught this to anyone, ever – not even my VIP clients.

Here’s where I let the cat out of the bag – it’s up to you to pick up the pussy and pet her.

Now, let’s continue along to Part II of the course, which is Mindset Mastery For All Walks Of Life

So many students have written to me telling me that want to “get inside my head” and learn how I’ve overcome so many hardships to be where I am today – and to build their own legacy of leadership and success for their business and professional lives.

If that’s you, then you’ll love my new module on “Mindset Mastery” that I’ve been slaving over for many, many months. This module will convey how to overcome the obstacles and meet the challenges so you become the champion you are born to be.

In this module I’ll be revealing: The power of Acceptance Confidence to melt resistance in the bedroom AND the boardroom Three magic words that erase any and all limiting beliefs from your past The right way to build true motivation that keeps you rocketing up any learning curve How to ask the two “Deep Dive” questions that tap into the power of your super-conscious mind

Now, Let’s Introduce My Lovely Co-Trainer Hayley Quinn, And What You’ll Gain From Her Presentation

Hayley has a good 10 years of experience training guys (and gals) to be masters of getting past fear and discovering natural and easy ways to meet and attract ideal partners.

And I’m not just saying this because Hayley is “the daughter of my heart” and one of my best friends.

Hayley will be showing you her “Dating Operating System” that I think is truly nothing short of genius. Among other things, you will discover: The real way to make a woman incredibly attracted to you by understanding “The Matrix” of female attraction Hayley’s exclusive blueprint for deep connection to make her realize she’s never met a man like you before How to become a man she is magnetized by – no matter what you look like How to let your non-verbal cues do the talking and turn her on without you saying a word And much, much more in Hayley’s highly detailed presentation

“Ok Ross, You’ve Got Me Hot On It… So What’s The Investment So I Can Claim My Instant Access To This Amazing New Program Now?”

Listen: rather than go through the blah-blah-blah, I’m just going to put it on the table.

For a limited time – until Tuesday, May 16th at 3:00 PM Pacific, your investment is just $397 USD at the special introductory rate.

To make it even easier, I have a 3-pay program that helps you spread those payments out a little.

And to make it more enticing, I’m going to throw in the following bonuses that take effect IMMEDIATELY when you enroll now: UNLEASH YOUR ULTIMATE SUCCESS BONUS: The Radical Art of Unblocking Yourself – LIVE Online Class To Be Held Thursday, May 18th, 2017 ($397 value)

In a 60-minute online training, we will work together to set you free of what blocks so many smart guys, like you, from success with the women you want to be with, anytime and anywhere.

This training will be held on Thursday, May 18th at7:00 PM Pacific. By claiming your access to this video collection now, you will receive a VIP ticket to attend live.

Claim your Day Game Mastery and Mindset Monster course NOW to get your “LIVE” ticket as a free fast-action bonus! You can count on the ongoing support of me (Ross Jeffries) and my entire “Bang Babe Brain Trust” with this JUMP-START YOUR SEDUCTION SUCCESS BONUS: Membership In Our “TOP SECRET” Ross Jeffries Elite Student Mastermind Group On Facebook ($997+ value)

Here’s your chance to enjoy constant and private support from your fellow students as you step into enjoying the elite Speed Seduction® brotherhood. Talk amongst yourselves, share stories and Sarge reports, ask questions, give each other encouragement…

… AND receive occasional mentorship from me (I do my best to pop into the group at least 3 times a week to address your questions, add to the conversation, and share my stories as well.) Plus, during the introductory launch period ONLY, you will gain, at no additional cost: “WIN WITH WORDS” PERSUASION SUCCESS BONUS: Secrets Of Stealth Persuasion: How To Double Or Triple Your Bottom Line Closings, Conversions And Sales Using the Power Of Invisible Influence ($697 value) spaceplay / pause qunload | stop ffullscreenshift + ←→slower / faster ↑↓volume mmute ←→seek . seek to previous 12… 6 seek to 10%, 20% … 60% In this wicked bonus module, you’ll learn how to effectively “seduce” your customers and clients to make the decision to hire, buy etc on the unconscious level, in minutes, using some wickedly powerful and easy to use methods.

Look: I’ve personally used each and every one of the methods, tricks, principles and tools I teach in this module for my own business. And that means you can get very excited at how will benefit and profit from having the same power to bend minds, warp wills and drive decisions and behaviors that I do.

Here is just some of what you’ll learn: The seven “Pull Their Strings/Puppet Master” Principles that form the essential foundation for any and all acts of hypnotic persuasion Four word-for-word “get them to buy now” hypnotic patterns you can drop into any sales or business context to pre-program your prospect to already decide to buy from you-before you make any actual presentation How to use “Truisms” to blow objections out of the water How to use “Agreement Frames” to give your prospect AMNESIA from their objections How to use meaning reframes to use objections as cognitive leverage to get your prospect to MAKE YOUR DAY – by handing over their cash, check or credit card! Listen: it’s against the law for me to make any promises when it comes to earning money, but what I WILL say is that if you have any intelligence at all, then applying the methods and secrets I teach in this segment might easily make you back your investment and probably much more!

And that means the net cost of you claiming your course now could very likely be ZERO. After Tuesday the 16th, the Secrets of Stealth Persuasion will become a paid upgrade instead of a no-additional-cost bonus – and even that is if (and I mean a BIG “IF”) I allow any new students to claim access to it at all!

And Yes, Your Investment Is Protected…

Realizing now, all the success this course will bring you, and that ***I*** am taking all the risk, aren’t you going to be one of the smart men who can find yourself claiming your instant access right now?

Of course you are!

It’s Up To You – Either Keep On Guessing And Muddling Through… Or Learn REAL Success From The Best! Listen: if you want to do it on the cheap, try to figure it out on your own and guess your way through, then I certainly will wish you good luck and happy journeys in your battle up against incredible odds.

Or if you want to hope, pray, waste your fortune on therapy or the very worst, LISTEN TO WOMEN’S ADVICE ON THE SUBJECT – then I actually feel sorry for you.

But if you are ready – truly ready – to get this area of life fully handled and put the days of struggle and settling behind you once and for all – and smile to yourself at how good your life feels then GET YOUR INSTANT ACCESS NOW.

It’s up to you now. It would be my honor to be your teacher and your guide.

Will you give YOURSELF that gift, is the question you must ask and answer now. “I’m Rarin’ And Ready, Ross! Let’s Make This Happen. How Do I Get My Instant Online Access Right Now?” Just go here to claim your instant access now (you will create a username and password and get started as soon as you finish the online signup process): LET ME IN NOW >>>

(Click here for an easy 3-payment plan for your Day Game Mastery and Mindset Monster course) If you have questions or need assistance with your registration, or would prefer to sign up over the phone, or whatever, we’re ready to help!

E-mail team@seduction.com or call (323) 252-1531 [use country code 1 as that’s a US number] ross-personal-coaching-1Peace and see you inside,

ross-jeffries-signature-6

Ross Jeffries The Living Legend of Seduction™ P.S. Look: one thing that all successful people have in common is they take action. So the choice is really yours:

You can hope things get better on their own.

You can wait for things to get better on your own.

Or you can jam down on that register now button and recognize: things are about to get, way, way better, starting right now.

The choice is yours.

P.P.S. One thing I want to make crystal clear: if you haven’t lived up to your potential with women, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT! You’ve been lied to over and over again by society about what works. It’s time to strip away those lies and claim your success with women. It’s your birthright.

P.P.P.S. Listen: there’s only one, original, “father of seduction” and that’s me. Screw the Ross Jeffries imitators, impersonators and copycats, and come get the original, real deal, buddy. You deserve the best!

Questions and Answers About Speed Seduction®: Day Game Mastery and Mindset Monster:

Ross Jeffries – Day Game Mastery & Mindset Monster Program published first on http://ift.tt/2qxBbOD

[reesesxxpieces-blog]

Chapter Eighteen : Rhys’ birth and John’s stabbing

Spencer A day of shopping had resulted in the purchases of clothes, furniture on order for later that week, essential items, and then some.  Nearly everything the registries stated they needed was either on hand in the back of her car or on order to arrive later that week; the hope being that the offer on the house would be accepted that day and perhaps the house would be finalized by the end of the week and none of the bigger stuff would ever have to see the inside of Judas’ place.  A little retail therapy had gone a long way for the woman after the atomic bombs dropped the night before at where the house was coming from.  The thought would only enter her mind from time to time, but always pushed away quickly as this day was all about getting ready, finally.  In the beginning of the day, she was moving quickly.  By the middle of the day, it was considerably slower.  Each hour reduced the speed at which she could manage, as well as tightened her hold on John’s hand for stability.  With lunch missed, she would blame it on that, realizing far later than usual that the meal had been passed over.  As the pair left the last place they set out to go, Spence paused at the passenger’s side of the car, her hand to the framework before getting in.  She’d spent days having small contractions, all of which the doctor had assured was her body’s natural way of preparing for child birth.  Slow deep breaths would see her through in just a couple of minutes, as they had all day long, and she’d be good to go again.  Though they were more frequent today, she’d chalk it up to just the sheer amount of energy exerted throughout the massive shopping trip.  A minute later, she slipped into the car, waiting for John to finish putting the bags into the back of the car so they could try to find something to eat.

John Neither of them seemed to be particularly hungry. Not noticing the lost meal considering the past few days various stress factors. Though it wasn't unlike either to completely forget the need for food which seemed of little importance. Getting the bags loaded into her car, ever grateful for the vehicle considering this trip would have been interesting with the man's motorcycle as his sole means of transportation. Closing the trunk, he slipped into the drivers side. Starting the car and the AC to combat the inevitable for the comfort of his wife. Glancing over towards her. "You alright?" He asked, having learned once that contractions were a consistent reminder at the end of pregnancy of what was approaching.

Spence As he joined her in the car, she offered a nod of her head as her hand found his thigh.  “I’m good,” she promised.  The spell had been longer than the others that day, but nothing she couldn’t sustain.  Viewing them as an introduction to what child birth may feel like, which was a good thing as she had been weighing her options as to whether or not to allow the administration of an epidural at all.  She’d need that high pain tolerance and the reminder that it wouldn’t last long if she were to actually go through this in natural form as she was highly leaning towards.  “Hungry, but good,” she added with a wide smile, gently nudging her elbow against his side as if to insist they find something to eat sooner rather than later.  “Unless there’s anything else you can think of that we need?”  Her question was honest as John had more experience in this department than she did.  All she could do was go based on lists upon lists, with no real time experience.  It seemed as though the essentials and then some were covered, strange things purchased she never would have thought of, yet she would make no secret of her lack of knowledge on the subject.  An only child who had only been in the presence of children on cases aside from the few nights they had been able to snag River in the last six months or so, the coming weeks would be interesting to say the least.

John "Yeah, we need a baby." He remarked honestly, as Rhys seemed to be the only thing missing for it all. Feeling her prod to his side. Knowing he'd have to feed the woman and the local diner seemed to be their normal go to unless she was feeling something different. "Honestly, I think we are good but I'm sure there will be shit once he's finally here." He remarked, thinking it was an inevitable happening that no one escaped. "So what are you feeling?" He asked curious, hand willing the car into reverse.

Spence As he mentioned them needing a baby, she could only smile as she brought her free hand there against her stomach.  Four days past due didn’t look so great on the woman and she was feeling every day of it.  “Someone is taking their time because their daddy asked them to hold out,” she reminded him as they were still waiting on the call about that offer on the house.  “Maybe he just wanted to make sure we had the stuff to take care of him first?”  She teased, though she was rather sure this baby was just doing things his own way, just like his mom and dad.  As he asked her what she was feeling, she instantly spoke.  “Mexican.  Spicy Mexican.”  Sex, spicy foods, and walking were all part of her mindset at this point as the three things seemed to induce labor and despite John’s asking Rhys to hold out, her discomfort was winning that war.  “Set my mouth on fire hot Mexican,” she added, nodding her head slowly as if to convince him.  All at once, her hand there at his thigh tightened as she leaned her head back against the headrest sustaining another round of contractions.  Each set growing worse than the ones before, yet she couldn’t estimate the timing between them.  “Salsa verde,” she added, attempting to keep that conversation going despite the insane tension in her lower abdomen.

John "Yeah, well...I wasn't expecting any kid of mine to actually listen." He pointed out honestly as that was a happening neither of them could predict. Hearing her follow up suggestion, he nodded. "Not difficult to imagine this kid is going to be just as much of a spoiled brat as his mom." He accused, hearing her fall into the choice of Mexican. He had to smirk as she continued her thought. Knowing just the place. "Yeah? What else?" He ventured, seeking to distract her on the topic of food as he pulled out of the parking lot.

Spence His mention of the child being a brat like her would get nothing more than a cut of her eyes, though a look that could kill in that moment.  She couldn’t be too mad, considering she knew it was partially true, but she’d still let that look linger as he attempted to continue this distraction.  “Tri-colored chips, but you have to eat the black ones,” she continued, never quite able to get over the look of them to be able to enjoy them.  “And chile rellenos.”  Her grip to his thigh became tighter until all at once she drew her hand back, a long deep breath there at her lips as she turned her head to the side to look in his direction.  Her voice altogether calmer as she added to her requests.  “Beef enchiladas, no guac, extra salsa con queso.”  A sigh passed her lips as she had an unsettled feeling come over her.  “This might be a list for another day,” she confessed as already she was feeling another tightness rising in her lower abdomen.  There was no need for timing contractions when they were now coming one on top of the other.  

John "You are racist." He accused at her refusal to eat the black chips as they all tasted the same in his mind. Willing to bet that there was no difference down to the ingredients. Hearing her continue, he was cutting his eyes to her to the side. About to ask if she was sure before she re-evaluated her priorities. Coming to the front of the parking lot where he stopped. Prepared to make that turn. "Time for the hospital bags?" He asked, not sure whether she'd rather go home and try to relax for a bit or be right off to the races as his hand reached down for hers. Locking his fingers with hers.

Spence “I am not racist!  They taste different!”  She argued, fixating on that topic even as the tension grew in her lower abdomen.  Immense pressure was felt at her very core, but she couldn’t be sure if this was just a false alarm.  “Eat a red one and then a black one and you tell me…” stopping mid-sentence as she felt his fingers there between her own, wrapping her fingers around his as her hand squeezed hard in his.  Breathing wasn’t cutting it this time as she let her eyes find his.  Confusion there within her hues as she didn’t know what to do.  She didn’t want to cry wolf, but there was no denying this child was making his appearance in the near future, with or without a house to go home to locked down.  “I think…” she attempted, yet unable to finish that sentence as she leaned her head back again, eyes falling closed, doing all in her power to swallow down the pain, yet falling to the conclusion that it was more than likely time.  Nodding her head, she didn’t attempt to speak another word, agreeing it was time for those bags, if there was even time for that.

John Meeting the look in her eyes, he knew. The two, fortunately, had a form of non verbal communication that worked more times than not when the bottom fell out of the verbal kind. This would be no exception. "Fuck the bags, I can get Judas to bring 'em up." The two were not verses enough on this to play it by ear. It was her first pregnancy and he was hardly an expert. Hearing her speak, he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Directing her to grip him through the pain as he flipped on the turn signal towards the hospital and applied his foot to the gas. Cutting into the middle lane and through a green light, allowing the car to come to speed.

Spence In the midst of everything happening fast around them, all her mind could go to was that which Judas had heard the night before.  An event that might have put things into motion in this instant, and yet all she could do was shake her head.  She had successfully dodged seeing him that morning and the idea of coming face to face with a man who had heard that which belonged solely to John would still disturb her.  Just as she was about to argue it, a cry came forth from her lips as the pain became sharper and more focused.  No longer did it matter who saw or heard what.  With his direction there, she focused herself on the grip to his hand, allowing her pain to flow through the limb to inflict only a small percentage against his hand.  As he shifted the car between other vehicles, making quick work of rerouting them, she’d agree to anything at this point if it meant they could get through this as quickly as possible.  No amount of reading or hospital tours could have provided her ample insight as to what this would feel like in the moment; as though her insides were being ripped apart by a child hellbent on taking her down in his declaration of life.  Breathing be damned as there was no room for it, pressing her free hand to the side of her stomach as she normally would do so to play with the child, only this time begging him silently to just stop for a few more minutes.

John "Breathe, Spence. Focusing on it is only going to make it worse. Breath and talk to me." He added, another squeeze of her hand. Knowing she could do better then that. Side eyeing her. His eyes back to the road. He had to stay calm for her, to talk her through it. He knew his position here and to get nervous would further make her nervous. Truth be told, he had every ounce of faith for the woman and her strength. Now he had to complete her task. To get them to the hospital and get her through it as easily as possible.

Spence It was easy enough to say to breathe, it was something else entirely to attempt to do it.  But the man was right.  Focusing on that which was happening was only amplifying everything, though she didn’t have enough sense about her in the moment to think that way.  Needing it to be pointed out, she nodded her head, drawing in a breath though it would bring her no relief in the slightest.  Again, no relief.  “It isn’t fucking working!”  She declared, the contractions just too strong.  If breathing wouldn’t work, perhaps talking would, but what was there to talk about exactly?  “This is the point that I’m supposed to tell you to call people, and maybe there are people, but I don’t want them, okay?  I want me and you and Rhys and that’s it.  I don’t want my mother and I don’t want my father and I don’t want your mother and I don’t want anyone in that place that has anything to do with anything.  I just want us.  Okay?  Can you promise me?  Judas brings a bag and he leaves.  I just want us.  Promise me?”  Finding something to focus on, though it might not have been the best time to iron out this little request of hers, but it was the first thing in her mind.  If she was isolated from her family, then they could find out through the grapevine that this child had been born.  She didn’t want them there.  Nor did she want anyone else who hadn’t been around or at all supportive.  Judas literally stood as the only exception to that, yet that which he had heard the night before had put the woman on edge as to him being anywhere in the vicinity should he hear her scream, knowing damned well he had heard a scream or more the night before.  Just beyond that focus, a deep breath was found, forced to happen as she exhausted her breath to speak, not quite realizing yet that this was why those two things would work together.  Another deep breath and the pain started to ease a little, evident in her hand finally loosening in his slightly.

John "Okay, okay." He agreed, willing to give her whatever she wanted in that moment. He'd call the presses or remain radio silent. Whatever she wanted, she'd get. A rare opportunity with John get her pregnancy and labor had earned her such. "I tell Judas and he leaves. Just you and me." Demonstrating that he understood. What happened afterwards would be debatable. Not to mention whether River would be brought to meet his brother. Bringing her hand to his lips, he kissed her knuckles. Another green light as the hospital began creeping into view.

Spence Hearing John agree to that which she asked for would bring a weak smile to her features.  “Please don’t hate me for it,” she asked, the emotional side of the woman slipping through there in the moments beyond the pain.  “If you want someone there, they can be there, but just… not where they can see or hear or anything… a waiting room or outside the hospital awaiting your call… but just I don’t want to know, but you get a say too and that’s not fair for me to say no one.  It’s not just my choice.  I don’t want to be a bitch, I just want it to be us.”  Attempting to meet him halfway, knowing there might be people he would want there to meet his son soon after the birth, allowing her own feelings of abandonment to take over moments before yet she would attempt to rectify them now.  Feeling that kiss of his lips to her knuckles, she tilted her head to the side as she looked over to him.  “Will you stay though?  No matter what?  And forgive me for anything I say or do and tell me you love me even though people might hear you?  I’m going to forget public code words and I’m going to out it if you are there but I want you there and I don’t want you not there, but will it be safe and okay if they hear that?  If I can’t keep it inside?”

John "Oh, stop." Seeking to stop that rant about what he wanted before it even started. He shook his head through it all. He didn't surround himself with people. He was a loner through and through. The only person he stood close to was his brother and she had already made her feelings very clear on that. A vacant waiting room would be more hurtful to her then it would be to him yet he knew it would damage his brother beyond repair to not be told. He had opened his doors to them, did everything he could to make them comfortable, offered his time and money and to not be told when Rhys was born would be a blow he wasn't sure the two would ever recover from. Those thoughts retreated for the time being. Hearing her ask if he'd stay and her onslaught of questions. "You got nothing to worry about." He added simply, besides from the obvious, of course.

Spence “John, I have everything to worry about.”  Her statement was honest as she was saying so many things and thinking so many other things and in the midst of it all a child was coming into a world that was too dangerous for ‘I love you’.  A place where they had to rely on code words and nonverbal cues to one another.  A place where family wasn’t family, but family was the enemy.  A place where people paid people off to make them disappear.  Where heartache was bought and paid for to manipulate those they claimed to love.  A child was being brought into a world sicker than most.  Not once in her entire pregnancy had the weight of that fallen upon her shoulders until that very moment as the hospital was in view ahead and her husband sat reassuring her she had nothing to worry about.  Only then would she realize just how much there truly was to worry about.  Falling silent, she didn’t trust herself to speak any further.  Instead just keeping her hand there in his as she did her best to rest between the sets of contractions before the next would set in.  

John "No, not now you don't. All the other shit don't matter. I love you, I love him. I will stay with you, hold nothing against you and be there every step in the way. You are going to see after he is born how everything will change. All the shit that seemed important, won't be. All your energy and focus will be on him and all the politics and bullshit won't matter. It'll just be the three of us." He stressed, knowing she'd just have to wait and see how this would work. To look back and tell him that he was right. "Only thing you gotta concern yourself with is this baby. The rest will work itself out." He added, car approaching the hospital.

Spence As if he knew she needed to hear those things, spelled out for her in long form, to have those words to hold on to, they came forth from the only person she knew she could trust anymore.  “I just want us to be happy, John.”  A confession there at her own lips.  A promise she had offered him a year ago, yet couldn’t be sure she’d ever fulfilled.  An oath to pass a naïve woman’s mouth as she promised something in a world she didn’t rightfully understand.  Words that should have held hope, words that she meant beyond any others she’d ever speak, and yet after seeing the hell on the inside, she wasn’t sure anyone within had ever seen happy, nor could she be sure that they ever would, despite her best efforts.  There had been that bit about her, right up until the time her father made her a business transaction.  Within her, fighting like hell, was a little boy who might change all of that, or it would be one more person for her to try to show happy to, yet fall on her face in the process.  Her spirits were up and down, but she was wise enough to keep her mouth shut on the matter, if only for the onset of another set of contractions that would tighten within her.  John’s name came forth from her lips as she gave in to the pain as it took her, shaking her head as she leaned forward, hand finding the seatbelt to unfasten it.  As if she had been through this before, she just knew, they were out of time.  

John Hearing her statement, he remembered once the confidence in her voice as she told him that he would know happy. That they would know happy. Now she understood the life he led. The way the world treated him. How hard happiness would be to achieve. "We will be." He returned, just in time for another set of contractions as he drove the car in front of the emergency room doors. Figuring this to be the easiest and quickest way to get themselves inside of the maternity ward. Shifting into park. "Wait until I get to the door to move." He stated, pulling out of the drivers side.

Spence His assurance was one she wanted to believe in.  She had once been so sure she could show him happy and there were moments she thought it was close enough to taste, yet they would be stolen almost as soon as they had shown themselves, never allowing the couple to feel true happiness for too long before something else came along to steal it.  Up until now, they only had themselves to worry about.  River was safe with his grands.  But now, adding a baby into the mix, she wasn’t so sure they could do what needed to be done for him.  She knew either of them would die trying, yet what kind of life would the child have without one or both of his parents?  As John got out of the car, coming around to her side, she reached for her door handle, opening it just in time for him to be right there.  “John… I don’t want to do this… he’s safe inside… but if he comes out… he’s not safe anymore.  I don’t want to do this.”

John Hearing her statement, he shook his head. A nurse meeting them outside with a wheel chair, brakes applied as he reached in for her hand to help her out under her own power though he was prepared to shift her legs. Visible by his other hand helping her negotiate her legs. "He will be safe." John promised as it was a little too late for all this. "He's certainly got a lot more goin' for him then I did." He reminded her, in a round about way of reminding her that he could be worse off. "Two parents provide a blanket, a shield. We got this, Spence. You just gotta trust me. Think you can do that?"

Spence It was a little late for her to suddenly be thinking she didn’t want to do this, but it was all happening so fast.  The call hadn’t come in for the offer to be accepted.  Rhys was already walking into this with no grandparents and no true family unit to be seen outside of herself and John.  She was definitely worried about what that would look like and how they would do this and manage to keep the child safe, but as he asked her to trust him, she’d nod her head as her hands met his shoulders, coming forth from the vehicle.  “I trust you,” she promised easily as there were no truer words than those in that moment.  He was the only person she trusted and there was a part of her that didn’t mind that one bit.  As she felt the wheel chair to the back of her thighs, she eased down within it as her hands fell from his shoulders.  It would take but a moment for the nurse to turn the chair, instantly drawing for information from Spencer while in route to the double doors of the emergency department.  Name, how far along she was, how frequent the contractions were.  All the while, the contractions were coming stronger and stronger, her hands gripping to the armrests of the chair, digging her nails against the padding as she answered between contractions.

John Helping her physically was easy but emotionally took some effort. Still, he knew what he had to do for her. A more model spouse would not exist here. Helping her down into the chair before the nurse was taking over. Closing the door of the passenger door. He'd be back in a minute as he hopped into the drivers side, leaving her to her own devices for a moment as he found a parking spot a few feet away. Shooting Judas a text that he'd need those bags as he was walking into the hospital to catch up with her. Keys in hand.

Spence The next few minutes would be a complete whirlwind as Spencer was taken through the emergency department directly to the labor and delivery unit without a stop along the way.  While John parked the car, an i.v. was started, her arm band was applied with one matching for John’s wrist as soon as he would return.  Once brought into the delivery room, the nurse was helping Spencer to the table where her lower half was exposed and a sheet was draped across.  Within minutes she was checked only to find the baby’s head already within the sight line.  While medical professionals were calling things out around her, it became clear there would be no long build up here.  All of the contractions she had pushed throughout that day had led to this moment as she laid on the table, feet in stirrups, as true fear set into her hues.  Her choice for an epidural was never prompted as it was simply too late.  “We have to wait for John,” she pleaded, to which the doctor was quickly telling her waiting for anything was no option here but that he would be directed to her room the moment he returned from parking the car.  Being told to push on three, she shook her head no, simply refusing to proceed without the man there at her side.  

John A nurse was quick to intercept the man, guiding him to the proper room and giving him the run down of how all this was going. Shocked to find that she was this far along and grateful he had changed his mind about stopping for bags figuring they still had several hours to work with. Entering the room already thick with activity, he was finding her side as his hand reached out for hers. Eyes finding the doctor who he'd have to trust with her life and the life of his son. No further waiting needed as he leaned in, pressing his lips to her forehead.

Spence The moment John appeared in the doorway of the room, she could feel his presence there.  In a room filled with strangers, all calling out medical terms left and right, he was her rock.  As he found her side, leaning over her to press his lips to her forehead, her hand swept to the back of his neck.  An off comment from the doctor, asking if she’d agree to push now that he was there, she nodded her head as she lowered her hand from his neck, exchanging that hold to add to their already joined hands.  Two nurses lifted her ankles from the stirrups, bringing them to the crease of their shoulders as instructions were given for her to push against them, she tightened her hold on John’s hand, literally grasping his single hand with both of hers.  The idea of pushing was foreign, and yet she naturally knew what to do as her body demanded it happen now.  A ten count was given from the doctor, to which she was to push throughout.  A place where a scream would be expected, the woman focused all energy into that push, without the need to exhaust herself in the scream.  As the number ten passed the doctor’s lips, she was told to relax for a couple of minutes and they would try again.  Tears passed her eyes as the pain radiated through her, not wanting to take that break, but feeling the need to keep going.  

John Feeling her grasp his hands, he wanted to feel her pain. That pain. To know that she was not the only one suffering here. It was arguably the most useless feeling as a man to stand here in attempt to help while knowing he could only do so much. Watching as her ankles met the stirrups as it was go time. Listening to the doctor before the woman put her all into that push and was given a break. He used his free hand to brush her hair from her eyes. Reaching down to brush away her tears, sure there would be more as the pressure had to be immense but he'd be sure to wipe away each one. "Keep breathing." He reminded her softly, keeping his eyes on hers as he hovered just a few inches above her face. Giving her that space yet the ability to lean into him.

Spence Blocking out all of the sounds in the room aside from John right there before her, it gave her the ability to pretend it was just them, as she had wanted.  All she’d ever wanted was just the two of them, without any fuss or outside involvement.  The two did best when they just did things their own way and though in this circumstance, they needed the medical professionals gathered at her feet, she needed him.  While he remained close, the sound of another telling her it was time to go again, that one more strong push should do it, she released his hand as she grasped for his neck again, pulling the man closer as she found comfort in that place there against the curve of his neck.  A place she had buried herself a million times before would now be used as she heard the ten count begin again.  Her nails there to his neck unintentionally as she bore down, forcing the child’s shoulders through as the feeling of complete relief followed as all tension was suddenly gone.  Her hand remained there to his neck as she leaned back against the pillow of the bed, finally able to take full deep breaths as the child was held in the gloved hands of the doctor, slightly lifted upwards as a nurse suctioned his mouth and nose.  Scissors were offered in John’s direction by the nurse, offering him the honors of severing the tie between mother and child as those first screams echoed through the delivery room from the lungs of a healthy baby James.  Tears filled Spencer’s eyes as she eased her hand down from John’s neck, allowing him the freedom to do what was his right as well as receive the child for the first time the moment he was wrapped in a blanket.

John His palm found the hospital bed as she gripped at him, allowing the full body grip as her nails found his skin. Encouraging her. Feeling it intensify before falling, feeling her lean back as the sound of his cries filled his ears. Just as he had hoped. Loud, abrasive, strong. He smiled softly, pressing his lips to her forehead. "You did it." He reminded her, the mere sounds of his cry forcing moisture to his eyes. Reaching up where he wiped off her tears before his own. A moment of time with her before he would be wrapped up in the baby. Pulling back only slightly as his eyes found the baby for that first time. The most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Bright eyed and aware. Healthy. Already his hopes had been answered as his chord was clamped off and he was offered the scissors. With the doctors instruction, he made the cut and severance into the tissue. A nurse following behind a moment later where he was wrapped in his own blue blanket and offered to him. The man smiled softly as he glanced down into the contents of that blanket, offered him as he formed his arms to receive him. Aiding the nurse in the smooth transition as he kept his eyes down towards the aware little man. Tears only welling further, unable to help himself at his most vulnerable as he did not steal him too long by himself. Pressing a gentle kiss to his head before he was stepping back towards Spence.

Spence In those moments directly after, Spencer watched as John took the baby into his arms, seeing emotion there on his face as she felt the same falling from her own eyes.  It was perhaps the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen to see a child taken from her own body and placed into the arms of the man she loved.  The two most important people in the world right there at her side, transitioning them from a couple to a family.  Within seconds she felt herself start to tremble, the shock of the birth taking a moment to set in on her.  Lifting one hand to John’s side, not wanting to hold the baby herself for fear she would drop him, yet joining in that moment with him as they met their son for the first time.  “We did it,” she finally corrected through that raspy tone of hers, confirming this was not a one person job in the slightest.  She couldn’t have done it without him, of that she was sure.  A nurse stood by, waiting to bring the child to have his vitals officially checked with the promise of returning him within minutes, as Spence’s needs were handled beneath that sheet.  “He’s so little…” she whispered honestly as she wasn’t quite sure she’d ever seen a baby so tiny or perhaps it was just that he appeared as such against his father’s broad chest.  Lifting her hand from John’s side to find a tiny foot there beneath the blanket.  A foot that she had played with for the last several weeks, she pressed her palm against the bottom of his foot, just as she had a million times before.  The continued echo of the baby’s cries continued throughout the room, by far the best sound she’d ever heard in her life.  Nothing like that which she had expected, far higher pitched than any child she’d ever heard crying in a store or office.  That call to life as he let his arrival be known.

John “I don’t know how much I did…” he confessed, watching the nurse let them have their moment as he remained holding the baby instead of handing him off to her. Understanding her hesitation. Hearing her mention how little he was, he had to smirk softly. He was a tiny little guy as they were all supposed to though he’d be curious to see what he came out to. Watching her seek out his foot as he continued at it. A bit startled and John could understand that. “His war cry…” he noted, free hand hooking his finger just at the blanket underneath of his chin. Palm gently resting over his chest as his fingertip grazed the baby’s cheek. The soft skin as he attempted to comfort him the best way he knew how. Knowing that his time was drawing thin before he’d have to separate from him for what would seem like an eternity.

Spence “I love it,” she whispered in regards to that cry.  The cry that signified everything was okay and their first attempt at protecting him had been a success.  Feeling the push of the baby’s foot to her palm brought a tired laugh from her lips as it resembled the game the two had played before as she watched John there attempting to comfort the little one.  John’s entire hand seeming to span the contents of that blanket as the nurse came closer, her own hand slipping beneath the baby’s bottom to signify they needed to take him for stats and to clean him up now.  “He’ll be back,” she offered to John, expecting him to be hesitant to let the child out of his sight.  “Ya know, why don’t you go with him?  I’m alright,” she promised, urging John to stay with Rhys or as close as he could, knowing neither of them would be incredibly comfortable without the child now that they had been with him.  “I’ll feel better knowing he has you,” she added, her hand slipping there against John’s for a firm squeeze in an attempt to convince him she was sure.

John A tempting offer yet as the nurse slipped off, he’d have to be parted with him for the moment. Allowing her to take him yet, she was on the clock as he found her side. “I’m sure they’ll take good care of him.” he commented honestly, pressing his lips back to her forehead as his fingers brushed another wayward piece of hair behind her ear. Lips finding her temple a moment later as he took her in. Finding a new love and appreciation for the woman who was now both his wife and the mother of his no longer “unborn” child. Pulling back only when he was lifting his fingers at the collar of his shirt, dragging it over his face to wipe the fallen tears from his face.

Spence As he opted to stay with her over going with Rhys, she couldn’t even be mad.  Feeling him come over her once more as he had in the heat of the moment not too long before, that kiss to her forehead now meaning so much more than it ever had before.  As he pulled back, lifting his shirt to dry his eyes, she could only look up towards him with a tired smile.  It was a rare occurrence to see such expelled from his eyes, and yet she couldn’t think of a more appropriate time for such a thing to appear.  A small hand to the hem of his shirt as she tugged at the fabric, willing him to come down to her once more.  The room began to empty out, leaving just the two of them within with the promise of their son being returned to them shortly, she offered a nod of thanks to the doctor and nurses as they slipped out of the room.  “I didn’t say I hated you or anything, did I?”  She teased with a questioning tone to make sure, the last half hour a complete blur in her mind, although she was fairly certain that kind of thing only happened on bad t.v. shows.  

John Leaning forward and towards her, he heard her question and shook his head. “Not yet.” he remarked honestly, as there was still the task of dealing with a newborn and her healing process ahead of them which would be no easy task. He’d allow a bit more time onto the clock and her window to open. Taking in a breath as the moment settled with them. Everything had changed now. He couldn’t help but to think that going forward, nothing would be the same. Just that quickly, the window had slammed shut. None of the other shit mattered but the three of them. “How’s your head feeling?'

Spence His remark of not yet would bring a smirk to her lips, though she couldn’t imagine it got any worse than that which her body had just undergone.  With Rhys only gone for mere minutes, she was already ready for him to be brought back to them, proof to the fact that everything had in fact changed drastically.  “Like the worst headache I’ve ever had in my life,” she remarked honestly, though a suitable amount of pain meds would likely be offered in the near future to take care of just that, as well as any other number of pains she wouldn’t mention in that moment.  “How’s your hand feeling?”  she asked, only able to imagine how much she had inflicted there as well as the back of his neck, transferring her pain through him in the heated moments that led to the child’s arrival.

John Quite meaning to ask about her mental state, he’d let her have that. Was she feeling better, was it still a doomsday scenario? Did she understand what he meant by it all changing? It was a conversation for another day. “Tired?” he asked, knowing that had to be mixed in there somewhere and knowing she’d soon be rolled out of the delivery room once the doctors were done with her and she’d be able to get some medicated rest. Brushing the back of his fingers over his hairline, hearing her ask about his hand. A shake of his head. Not comparable. “I’m fine.”

Spence As he asked if she was tired, it was a given.  Answered with the nod of her head, she confirmed the fact for him beyond the shadow of a doubt.  Perhaps the most exhausted she’d ever been in her life, but she’d play it down if only for his benefit.  “A little, but I’m alright.”  Hearing him confirm his hand was alright, she trusted it to be truth as the man was about the strongest individual she’d ever met in her entire life.  Something to aspire to.  Something she had kept in mind during those pushes as she refused to scream out in pain.  She’d be stronger, as she could only imagine he would be.  Never telling him just what an inspiration he was to her in those moments as he endured something of his own there, watching her in pain, only able to begin to imagine what that must’ve been like for him.  “Never got my salsa verde, though,” she teased, releasing the hem of his shirt where she had tugged a moment before, covering her mouth as a yawn passed her lips.

John "You will...your first big meal back." He seemed to promise, giving her something to look forward to. Another kiss to her forehead before the nurse was returning with the boy intact. Cleaned up and tightly swaddled. Finally calmed and looking just as tired as his mother as the nurse handed him off. "21 inches, 8 pounds." She concluded, causing John to look down. Having not expected that as he glanced back over towards Spence. "So he's little yet not all at once." He confirmed, looking down into those light eyes. No way of knowing whether they'd stay or go yet he was quite relieved to find his hair was much darker than his. Another thing that may change yet John had been transparent about the fact that he hoped Rhys would take more after his mother.

Spence Hearing that promise, he’d receive a tired smile from his wife as she laid there against the bed just as their son was brought back in.  As the stats were quoted, she was quite surprised as he didn’t look 8 pounds.  Just the sound of it made her wonder how he had passed through her, although it did explain why she couldn’t sleep the last few weeks as the boy was truly running out of room within his petite mother.  The nurse explained that within the next few minutes they would have her transferred into a room where the family could room in together over the next twenty-four hours, at which point as long as everything was good with mother and child, both could be discharged as soon as the twenty-four hour mark was passed.  It sounded a little too good to be true until it settled in on her that they hadn’t heard about the offer on the house yet, and the plan had always been to bring him to his permanent home.  Needing to believe that would work itself out, she released a deep breath, thanking the nurse as she left the three of them to their own devices until her room was ready.  “If you promise you won’t let me drop him…” she prompted, her way of letting him know she wanted to hold the baby for the first time, even if she didn’t trust herself to do so quite yet.  

John "I won't let you drop him." He promised in return but knew she would not. Yet, knowing it was important for him to know his mother. Her scent, her warmth. To bond with her as nature intended. Glancing down to find that his eyes were beginning to close. Exhausted from the journey as his eyes were back to hers. Reading her comfort level and what all she was prepared for.

Spence Hearing that promise from John’s lips, she knew she could trust him to make sure that didn’t happen.  The last thing she wanted was for that slight tremble she was experiencing to harm their baby in any way, but the desire to hold the child, to view his tiny face up close, was just too much to ignore any longer.  Her hand slipped to the side of the bed, pressing the button that would allow the upper part of the bed to sit upwards where she could provide more stability to be able to hold him.  Once the incline was at a place she was comfortable with, she brought her hands just beneath where John held him, one where his head could rest, the other to support his bottom as she brought the bundle into her chest, looking down on the sweetest face for the first time.  Her smile was instantaneous as she took in that mixture of her own features and John’s.  “Hi, Rhys,” she whispered, bringing her lips to the little one’s forehead, pressing a soft kiss there that she would hold for a moment, referring to him by his given name for the first time face to face.  As she lifted from that kiss, her eyes were instantly to John’s, never before a fuller smile on her face as this moment right here made it all worth it.  “We made this,” she marveled as if she couldn’t fathom just how it had all happened, truly in awe of the little one there in her arms.

John Handing off the baby as his hands supported her arms, reaching for a spare pillow to the side of the bed. Guiding one gently under that arm of hers that supported his head. Assuring he was supported and she was comfortable. Hearing her speak his name for the first time. Placing a face to the name. "We did." He agreed as he leaned his shoulder to the side of her bed. "Worth the 9 months, huh?"

Spence “Absolutely worth the nine months,” she confessed easily as in that moment, she’d take back every complaint over a sleepless night or her clothes not fitting or the emotional rollercoaster she’d put them both through.  Instantly, it was all more than worth it.  As she looked down at him, she could silently promise him to never hurt him in any way, and to never put her own pride over his happiness.  There in those moments of holding him, seeing their flesh and blood up close for the first time, it would settle fully on her the sins of her own father.  As she looked down into her son’s eyes, the tears welled up in her own.  Her tears could easily be mistaken for joy by any who would see them, and perhaps some were for that fact, yet the thoughts wouldn’t leave her of how her father could attempt to ruin this, to take away something his own daughter loved.  With the support of that pillow beneath her arm, she brought her other to John’s.  Linking her fingers through his as she gripped his hand tightly.  Finally speaking words she had imagined herself to say in the process or even immediately after.  Instead, they were reserved for a time the three of them shared the room for the first time completely alone.  “I love you.”  The statement offered as she leaned her head against the man, not taking for granted this first true moment as a family until she’d realize the family was not complete.  “You want to call for River?  He should be here,” she whispered, eyes glancing to John’s, knowing it would take a lot for John to make that call that ordinarily she would make, only hoping River’s grandmother would be receptive to this idea as the only way this was complete was with John and both of his sons there together.

John Watching as the new mother linked into the child she had carried for these nine months was an experience he could only marvel at. Nat wasn't like this. Not even a little bit. The bond had not been made. Thus, it was easily severed. As she spoke, it took him a moment to even register the words. "I love you to. Two." He emphasized, glancing down towards Rhys as she mentioned River. He met her eyes. A nod. A bit nervous about having to speak to them in the first place but he was ready. "When you get settled in a recovery room, I'll go outside and make the call."

Spence With a nod of her head, she agreed to his plan of calling for River once they were set up in their room for the night.  It was probably the better idea considering then he would have a room number to offer.  Truth be told, she had already spoken with River’s grandmother weeks ago about this, just in passing, but given as a heads up that they would like River to be there to meet his brother.  The woman hadn’t agreed or declined, but it was enough that it wouldn’t be asked in a cold state.  “When Judas comes with the bags, he can come in,” she offered, feeling a lot more comfortable with the idea of it now that the baby was there, knowing she couldn’t offer Rhys her own family, nor could she offer him some of John’s, but he should at least have what he could have and for now, that was Judas.  Though she wasn’t keen on that which Judas had heard the night before, a single event couldn’t undo all that Judas had done for them.  In her state of discomfort an hour before, she couldn’t see that, but now, she could.  “And if he happened to bring some Mexican food with him…” she offered, her brows lifting as she slowly nodded her head, flashing a smile in John’s direction before her eyes drifted back to the little one in her arms, not able to not look at the boy for very long.

John Hearing her opinion change, becoming a tad bit more logical, he was relieved. He didn’t want to hurt his brother. To fracture that relationship. Somedays, they were all that one another had. He wouldn’t test his luck for the meantime but he knew Jade would be interested in meeting the little guy as well. Hearing her mention Mexican food, he smirked softly. “I’ll see what I can do.” he added, knowing one way or another, she’d get it. Be it from Judas’ hand or his own. Looking down at Rhys with her, a small smile as his free hand gently rested over the top of his capped head. “I don’t know, mommy…sure is looking a lot more like you than he does like me.” he added, a tone of gratitude for that fact.

Spence A thankful smile was flashed in John’s direction as he agreed to attempt getting her some Mexican food.  Never able to keep her eyes from Rhys for too long there, watching as John’s hand came over the infant’s head.  “You think so?”  She asked, studying the child’s features as she couldn’t quite see it.  “He has your eyes, that’s for sure,” she commented, both in shape and color.  It was clearly her own nose, but as for the rest she couldn’t place any of it as being hers or his.  “I think he’s perfect,” she whispered, nodding her head towards Rhys.  “I do.  Absolutely perfect,” she added, her voice altering as many did when speaking to a baby.  It took a moment there for it to settle in that John had just called her ‘mommy’.  A word she had wondered what it would feel like to be called, and yet she hadn’t much imagined it coming from John’s voice.  When it did, it would take her a minute to process it before she’d shift her eyes up to him.  “You have given me the greatest gift of my life.  Thank you.”  The sincerity there in her words was undeniable as she was truly grateful for that which he had given her, the opportunity to be a mother, to have a child, to start a family.  All of which was never in the cards for a pair who had met exactly one year before, trashed in a hotel room.  Their marriage was never meant to be what it was, and yet it was all at the same time, and for that she was thankful.  “Rhys, close your eyes,” she instructed, though the child’s eyes were and had been, tugging against that hand of John’s as she pulled against him to steal his lips with her own.

John Hearing her thank him, he had to shake his head at her. “You did this.” he reminded her, refusing to take credit for it unless it was the initial start that was literally his extent of it. “I just helped.” he confessed. Though he supposed he did have his eyes, at least the shape. The color was yet to be seen in truth. Her mention of his perfection was met with a hum in agreement. She had done that though. All of that. He expected nothing less. Watching the two and her bidding the baby to close his eyes, he had to laugh softly. “He’ll get used to it.” he warned, leaning in where he pressed his lips softly back to hers, free hand reaching up for her cheek before he was pressing his lips to the tip of her nose. A few nurses entering a moment later to instruct them that her room was ready.

Spence Finding his lips there at her own for an all too brief exchange, a smile stole her lips as his kiss found her nose, only to be interrupted by nurses entering the room to help the family shift to the room they would call their own for the next twenty-four hours or so.  “Caught in the act,” she whispered, as if they had been fully engaged in one another, not like it wasn’t anything these nurses probably witnessed multiple times a day as the birth of a baby brought out the emotions in most couples, uniting them to express it in soft kisses and tears.  The baby’s nurse came to her side, slipping a band around his ankle that would be activated on the recovery floor, explaining that she and John would wear the same bands, allowing them to hold him without any alarms sounding.  Should the baby be in another new parent’s arms, the alarms would sound.  Furthermore, if the baby was to be removed from that floor, the doors would auto lock and the hospital would go on lock down until the infant was located, thus preventing anyone from taking him.  Spencer nodded her head in understanding, pleased there were precautions in place as they were given the option to have Rhys room in with them or be taken to the nursery.  Her eyes drifted to John, quickly checking with him to see if he agreed that Rhys should be with them every available minute, not fully trusting the idea of him being in a room with other newborns, thus opening the window for something to go wrong there.  Not answering until she sought out his opinion, though her own was fairly evident that she didn’t want to be separated from the child.

John “No, he’ll stay with us.” already interjecting at the suggestion, even if Spence was sleeping. Knowing they’d have the rolling bassinets present as he still had to run out to make that call eventually and do so while she was still awake. Eyes back to Spence, even if he wasn’t who he was. Without even a legal last name yet but sought after on either sides, he would decide this. Yet, his newborn son wasn’t going anywhere. He’d show her without meaning to why losing River was so painful as he had been equally attached to the little bundle when he had him ripped away from him.

Spence Drawing her lower lip between her teeth, a nod was instantly there at her head as she fully agreed.  She didn’t want the boy away from them for any extended amount of time.  The matching band to Rhys’ was added to the other bands on Spencer’s arm, then to John’s as well, attaching them to Rhys for easy identification.  A moment later, the nurse slipped her arms beneath Spencer’s, taking Rhys and placing him in the rolling bassinet, instructing that any time they were to be walking around, the child should be placed within for safety.  Spence nodded as her own nurse was there to help her sit up, a wheel chair already there to her side.  Even with the nurse’s help, her hand was there to John’s for that stability, trusting him as she always did, knowing he’d sooner go down first than to let her hit the ground.  Once transferred into the chair, she couldn’t help but look down, finding the swell of her stomach nearly depleted, almost amazed at how it had done so.  “Suppose it was really all baby,” she teased, bringing her hand there against where the child once was, already realizing it would be a hard habit to break as she had frequently held the baby both in body and hand.  

John As Rhys was placed in the bassinet, John was already preparing to help Spence. Getting her into that chair his first and only objective as she noted what had happened with her body. “Told you.” he reminded her, as he had told her a million times over that she was all baby and would take advantage of it in this moment. “But /somebody/ wouldn’t listen…” pausing, lifting the brakes on both sides of the chair. All too familiar with these considering his grandfather was confined to one more days than not. Hands at the back of the wheel chair and prepared for further instruction as the nurse explained where they would be going.

Spence “Yeah, yeah,” she argued, hearing his reminder of that which he had tried to tell her.  She couldn’t hear him before, mostly because she saw what she was sure he was blinded to, only to find out that it was her own blindness to a situation as she couldn’t see beyond the immediate on this one.  “You were right,” she offered, cutting her eyes up over her shoulder towards him, flashing him a quick grin.  As the directions were offered, the pole at Spencer’s side was slipped into her hand to continue her i.v. fluids as they made their way out of the room.  Rhys’ nurse with him there in front of them, where the new parents could keep their watchful eyes on the child at all times as her own nurse was there to her own side, should John need relief with that chair, giving the couple information they would need in the next room.  How to call for a nurse for her needs or the baby’s needs, what to expect with the frequent interruptions with nurses checking mostly on the child, and instructing it to be best for Spence to get up and walk around the room with assistance often as it would help her recover faster.  Only hoping John was keeping up with all of the information there as she was finding her mind drifting to the baby in that bassinet far more often than actually listening to the nurse’s instructions.  

John Listening, attempting to catalogue it all though they both knew that she was better at this sort of thing then he was. Recording it all the best he knew how with prior experience as a foundation, focusing on wielding the chair around the winding maze of halls and doors that would never make any sense to him. Though he had spent quite a bit of time in a hospital once. This one to be specific, a few floors up. Now he especially hated this place. Eyes wandering briefly towards the baby who had not gotten any peace and quiet since being born yet he could only hope that he wouldn’t come to expect it. This world was no place for peace and quiet.

Spence Entering the recovery ward, through large doors that were surely what was mentioned previously with that band on Rhys’ arm, she heard the nurse instruct that he could not be taken past that point, though Spencer and John could feel free to move about the floors as they wished, just not with the little one in tow.  A moment later, they were turning into their own room where they would call home for the next day or so.  The layout was far more spacious, allowing for visitors they wouldn’t be having.  The brakes were applied to the bassinet there near the bed in the room as the nurse went to the sofa on the side of the room, indicating to John how to transform it into a bed, should he decide to stay the night with his wife and son.  Beyond this, the family was left to their own devices once again after Spencer was moved to the new bed, refusing to lay down, but wanting to sit up for a little longer first.  Sleep meant not seeing Rhys and that was simply not acceptable to the woman in the immediate future, seeming to lose sight of the fact that she’d get to see him for years upon years to come.  It didn’t matter to her in the slightest.  Told that as soon as their bags arrived, she could feel free to change into her own clothes and out of the gown she had been wearing the last hour or so, she was already thankful.  As the door closed behind the nurses, she glanced over into that bassinet, not wanting to let the child sleep and yet knowing it was probably the right thing to do all at the same time.  Bringing her eyes back to John’s, hand reaching towards him with a smile he would easily recognize.  “So… about that kiss…” she whispered, seeing as it had been interrupted previously, prompting him to try that again.

John As the door was closed behind them and they were left to their own devices, he was left looking at Spence. A shake of his head to follow. “You ever get to feeling like they’ve done that a few times?” he asked honestly, as it was certainly starting to feel that way to him as he watched her reach for his hand. Allowing it as he moved forward and sat down on the bed at her side. Hearing her whisper as his head turned. “All in good time…you going to take a nap now or later?” he asked, not asking whether she was going to but when she was going to.

Spence “Rejected,” she pouted as he sat on the edge of the bed, refusing her kiss and instead prompting her to nap.  She must’ve looked tired to bring out such a question, but she’d nod her head in response just the same.  “I will eventually,” she promised, knowing it was inevitable at this point, yet not wanting to go to sleep as it would mean she couldn’t see Rhys.  “After you call for River, maybe?  But you can’t let him or Judas come in here while I’m asleep.  Don’t want them seeing drool running down my face or something,” she teased, though it was mostly true.  She didn’t expect to look like herself at this moment, but she’d at least attempt to minimize just how bad she did look at the same time.  “Have people running around saying John’s wife drools in her sleep… no.”  Leaning back as she gave up on that kiss entirely, situating the blanket over herself as her hand found his thigh, eyes shifting there to that plastic bassinet.  “Denying my kiss though… that’s a punishable offense,” she whispered, though she was in no form ready to take on the man, nor did she look like any amount of a threat at all.  

John “I didn’t deny anything.” he reminded her simply as she gave him her own terms. Shaking his head at the suggestion of no one being able to be around while she napped or was waking up. Thinking she cared entirely too much and hopefully exhaustion would take root and make her no longer care. Watching her pull the blanket over herself, reaching over to see it over her body entirely. Leaning in where he stole the words from her mouth, pressing his lips back to hers.

Spence Before she could argue that he had denied her that kiss, she felt it there on her lips, silencing the woman in perhaps the best way possible.  Bringing her hand there to the side of his face, a gentle touch as she had nothing more within her, remaining there at his lips for a long moment before she would allow her hand to fall, her fingertips grazing his cheek until they disappeared entirely.  Sealing that kiss at his lips entirely more satisfied than she had been when their previous exchange was interrupted.  “Just an hour,” she requested, knowing she wouldn’t be able to sleep in much longer intervals than that in this bed as it simply wasn’t theirs, nor would they be uninterrupted for long periods of time between her nurse and Rhys’ nurse that would be steadily coming through to check on the both of them.  “Just one…” she paused, a yawn passing her lips before she could continue, “hour.”  Her hand there at his thigh, eyes shifting to his as she let another pass her lips.  “I’ll stay awake until you get back from calling River’s grandmother though… then the hour can start,” she managed, sleepy eyes saying something entirely different, but knowing she’d be able to manage at least for that short period of time.

John Hearing her request at the conclusion of the kiss, he nodded. Glad she was seeing reason as the baby would be fine. Watching her yawn causing him to smirk. “Just one day.” he concluded before she could get to hour, as the woman deserved the rest and would most likely end out for several hours. He nodded, knowing he needed to make that call. Feeling his phone in his pocket as he also knew Judas was on his way. “Okay…” he stated as he stood to his feet, getting ready to make that move outside as he turned to face her. “Think you can make it that long?” he teasingly asked, though with the baby sleeping and the constant movements of the nurses in and out, he wasn’t too worried whether she could or not. “Because I don’t think you will…”

Spence Hearing him challenge her on her ability to stay awake, he was right in doing so as she was that tired, but now with the gauntlet thrown, she’d strive to do it even harder than perhaps she would have previously.  “Bet your ass I will,” she teased, eyeing him as he made his way for that door.  “I’ll be awake, throwing a party in here while you’re gone.  Me and the Rhyster, getting security called on us for all the noise.”  Flashing him a tired smile as she lifted her hand, shooing him out the door as she reached over, her hand easing there at the infant’s side, already feeling the weight of her eyes contradicting nearly every word she spoke.  “Go on, already.  Someone thinks he’s an only child here and we need to make sure he knows otherwise as soon as possible,” she teased, loving the idea of Rhys never feeling like an only child as she herself could speak to the horrors such a thing encompassed and festered in a child’s mind.  Directing her eyes back to Rhys, speaking directly to him though her tone would change from that which she used with John.  “Yeah, you want to meet your big brother, don’t you?  You can’t do that until daddy makes that phone call though, right?”  Cutting her eyes back to John, smirking all the while.

John “Re.lax.” he emphasized, as he was getting there. Still lingering in the room to press his lips to her temple. “You just want to go to sleep without losing this bet of yours.” he accused, shaking his head as Rhys was hardly an only child. He’d know his brother. Hoping that he’d be given a chance to make it all right. To prove that maybe he could be changed or show that maybe he had never been so bad at all. Her speaking for Rhys made him smile though, the idea of being called ‘daddy’ without hesitation was an appealing thought all itself just as it was her being called mommy. “Okay.” he answered, not wanting to leave that room but knowing he had to as he leaned in and stole a kiss from the baby.

Spence A tired laugh was there at her lips as he told her to relax, shaking her head no as she didn’t much know the meaning of the word and he knew it.  “I just want you to hurry up so you don’t miss him saying my name or anything,” she teased as though the child was just that brilliant to be able to speak an hour after birth, or the mention of him saying mama before dada, as everyone knew dada was phonetically easier to accomplish.  As he agreed to leave, though she sensed some reluctance there, she watched as his lips passed their son’s forehead.  The one and only way his lips could touch another without inciting pure rage from his possessive wife.  “You are pretty lucky, Rhys,” she whispered, keeping her voice low as John exited the room.  “You happen to have the best daddy in the world that is going to love and protect you almost as much as your mom will.”  Teasing still, as evident in her tone, knowing there was a good chance John could still hear her, saving her actual sentiments for after that door would close and she would get serious with the child instead of teasing at John through her conversation.

John Hearing her as he finally left the door, walking down the hallway. Not wanting to be away from that room for even a moment. Maybe losing River had made him worse. He wasn’t sure. Yet, the pangs of separation made his chest heavy. Thinking it quite pathetic but the attachment was immediate. Making his way out of the complex wings of hospitals and button operated doors, he was finally emerging from the other side and into the warm summer air where he walked from the front doors deeper into the parking lot. Slipping his phone from his pocket where he read a text from Judas alerting him that he was close by with the bags in tow. Using the opportunity to find the number belonging to River’s grandmother, pressing the call button and holding it to his ear. Attempting to get his ‘nice voice’ on though he wasn’t sure he had one.

Spence Once the door to the room closed, Spence was sitting up in that bed again, only having laid down for the moment for John’s benefit as truly she wanted to be closer to their child.  Eyeing him as he laid asleep in that bassinet, fingertips burning to get her hands on him, but she’d refrain aside from the single hand that laid against his chest, feeling it rise and fall beneath her hand.  In complete awe of the baby as he was everything she never knew she wanted, though he terrified her all at the same time.  “See, we’re alright,” she whispered, nodding her head as though there was any chance they wouldn’t be alright.  “You know you really are the luckiest kid in the world.  Your mom and dad are going to make mistakes, but we’re going to do our best to do right by you always.  You just gotta do one thing for me, alright?  Try not to pee on me?”  A smile was there at her lips as she had heard the horror stories, yet she knew even if he did she wouldn’t hold it against him.  A soft noise there from the baby’s bed had her heart melting instantly as she truly heard her first baby noise.  The innocence wrapped in a blue blanket in a world that seemed to be so perfect around him, she couldn’t help but feel the need to apologize to him that it wouldn’t always be so.  Instead, she kept those thoughts to herself as her fingertip brushed the tiniest of cheeks, resolving to let him sleep, even if her desire to hold him only grew greater by the moment.

John Ending the call with River’s grandmother who seemed happy enough to bring the slightly older baby to the hospital, realizing he’d have to decide who he was talking about when he said “the baby” as both of them were babies and more than likely always would be. He hung up. Amazed that they had gotten to this point. Granted, it was still formal. Hardly warm. But she was working with him. The same woman whose husband had wanted him dead, whose every encounter with him was an accusation and a curse. He didn’t seem to have good track records with the parents of his baby mama’s, did he? He shook his head. Hearing his brother’s muscle car roaring in the distance as he looked down at the phone. A moment of reflection. Rhys was in the hospital, his wife was with him. He was now a married father of two. The house had been closed on, not telling Spence if only to surprise her with the truth of the matter and that Rhys would be coming home to a finished home. Feeling his eyes mist again, he was quick to lift up his shirt to keep those tears from seeing the daylight. As he cleared his vision, he heard a voice behind him. His name. “Johnny.” The unfamiliar yet familiar tone, turning around. He watched as the man pulled himself from his car. Taken aback. His brows furrowed. How did he know? Spence’s father was approaching him. Closing the car door, a smile upon his lips. “Congratulations.” the man bid. Johnny was left awe struck. The last time he had saw the man, he was sliding an envelope of money towards him. Johnny had betrayed him. Yet, the man walked towards him with arms spread. Approaching the biker where his arms eclipsed his shoulders and he held him in tight. “I’m a grandfather.” the man acknowledged, pulling back slightly with only one hand remaining at John’s shoulders. Still left dumbstruck. How would he explain this? He had said nothing. The man must have had people on the inside. Yet, the man remained smiling and just as Johnny went to speak, he drew in a breath. A breath that was interrupted with a violent and sharp pain to the front of his ribcage as the sharp and thick blade the other man wielded drove into him. Sharply pushing within him, twisting for damage before he’d withdraw and force it again. The same smile upon his face as John drew back violently. The other man’s hand on his shoulder assured he got another hit. Driving the knife back into his chest only inches from the first cut against his ribcage. The pain was blinding. Yet, he reached. Grasping him by the neck in attempt to defend himself. Hand gripping, Knowing he did not have long yet nothing was on his mind but that searing pain. Hearing the gurgling as he drained the oxygen from the other man’s throat only for him to take the last ounce of energy he had and dig his blade into Johnny’s side again sharp causing him to drop as it all slipped away.

Spence Finally resolving herself to at least lay back, she had to let the baby rest as he had been through far more than she had that day.  His entire environment having shifted there, coming into this world against his own will, it was only right to let him sleep.  As she laid staring through the side of the plastic bassinet, her eyes never fully closing, though they would ease in that direction every few moments.  Unable to fully commit to the act of sleep, yet knowing her ability to stay awake was quickly fading.  Wanting nothing more than to win in that little dare John offered her, yet she was quickly failing to do so.  As a nurse came into the room, it was just enough to stir her as they did a quick check to Rhys and then to Spencer, encouraging her to get up for a few minutes before falling asleep as walking would help her to heal faster.  Spence reluctantly agreed, though she’d far rather be supported in such by John, but she agreed just the same.  Bringing her feet to the edge of the bed, finding the floor in socked feet, she rose with her hands there on the forearms of the nurse.  Hearing her tell her just to take a slow step forward as she felt ready to, Spencer did as she was told, though her eyes were constantly shifting towards Rhys as he was being tended to by his nurse.  A few feet completed around the room and she was returned to her bed, sitting there to the edge as she acknowledged that she felt fine, just sore.  A dose of pain meds were offered, to which she would refuse, not wanting to be under the influence of anything until John returned, knowing she needed to be fully alert for Rhys.

John By the time that Judas was pulling into the parking lot, nearly hitting Johnny with the car in the process. He was launching on the brakes. Spotting his brother laid out in a pool of his own blood. The knife dropped. A calling card to the man's identity as he seemed to want this crime. As Judas was out of the drivers side, the older man was already in his. Fearing less of being caught then being beaten to death yet he'd find nothing from Judas in that moment except scrambling towards Johnny's side. "John. John. Hey. Open your eyes." Gripping the dead weight by his shoulders to pull him onto his knees, he'd get no response. Already unconscious. Shirt ripped and distinctively drenched with the blood as a bypasser to it all had called into the E.R. Several nurses running out with a stretcher to follow. Judas quickly removing his shirt to press to the side of his ribcage yet not daring to inspect the damage. Not sure he'd bare to see it as John's breathing slowed.

Spence Within the room, Spencer was quickly losing her ability to win the battle with sleep, her own body failing her as she wanted to wait for John to return before allowing her eyes to close.  The nurse assured her that even if she were to sleep, she would wake easily to the cries of her child and if she were to need help it was right down the hall.  Spencer nodded her agreement as the nurse instructed her the best way to make it through the first weeks was to sleep when Rhys did.  Hearing Rhys’ name on another’s lips sounded foreign, but she liked it just the same.  The boy had an identity, a name stronger than he would know for some time to come.  Laying back, she gave in as she heard the door close, one hand on the infant’s chest as she brought her other hand beneath her own face, committing to doze off, but not permitting herself into full sleep either.  She’d let John hassle her when he returned over her inability to stay awake, though she’d argue it when she would wake with every opening of that door.  In just a few minutes, the phone beside her bed would ring.  Jolting her from that bit of sleep she had stolen, she reached over, pulling the phone to her ear.  “John?”  she answered, only assuming it would be him since no one else should have been calling.  Hearing the voice on the other end of the line, she quickly hung up the phone without another word.  Tears filled her eyes as she felt unable to speak to the caller, still unsure of what involvement they might have had in that which had earned them the down payment for the house, even if she didn’t yet know if the offer had been accepted.  The ringing began again, to which she’d lift the receiver only to hang it up again before she was calling the nurse’s desk to request certain calls not be allowed back.  Only permitting calls from John, River’s grandmother, and Judas, declining any others and asking that they be asked to leave a message instead.  

John Helping them load Johnny onto the stretcher, it was normally him doing this to Judas. By his own choice. His overdoses. His mistakes. Yet, here his brother was. His protector. Laid out on the streets like the common thug he was not on a day that was meant to be one of the happiest in his life. The nurses were quickly interfering. Pushing him off and the stretcher. Resolved to keep up with them as they hit the emergency wing and he attempted to descramble what all was being said as a doctor joined in. Ripping open his shirt where Judas was forced into the understanding of how bad this was. Three gapping wounds. One of which landing at his side, around his lungs. If not in it. The nurses tending to that wound in particular before he was wheeled off into the operating room and he was stopped. Out of breath. One nurse standing directly before the doors. Explaining to him what she could. His vitals were slowing, internal bleeding suspected and a possible punctured lung. They'd need to get him into surgery as soon as possible.

Spence Dragging the receiver of the phone back into her hand once more, this time to dial out herself one of only three numbers she knew by heart.  As John’s phone rang, it quickly went to voicemail, at which she could only imagine him to be on the phone with River’s grandmother.  “Hey, it’s me.  You’ve been gone a while and maybe you’re just waiting for River downstairs, which is fine, but my mom keeps calling… I’ve asked them to not forward her calls to the room and… you know what, this is stupid.  I’ve got it handled.  I’ll see you when you get back.  Yeah…”  Her yeah indicative of their code, not daring to leave a voicemail on his non-encrypted phone that said anything more than just that.  Hanging up the phone, she laid back in the bed, attempting to close her eyes yet now all she could do was think.  Perhaps her mom wasn’t involved in the bribe her father had offered, yet how could she not be.  Her last sighting of her mother was one in which she was demanding to be able to see Spencer, to talk to her, yet had been refused.  She had to have at least known about it, if not been the brains behind it.  Trying to weigh it out, she couldn’t let one of her parents in and not the other.  If her mother had wanted to be there for her, she would have reached out before now.  But she hadn’t, which to Spencer was enough to peg her with guilt for the bribery as an accomplice at the least.  If she couldn’t sleep, she’d at least lay with her eyes closed, counting the minutes until the door would open to reveal the doting father John was, and then once again all would be right in the world, but in the meantime, she was left only with that feeling of utter abandonment by the two people who were supposed to love her more than life itself.  What had once been the greatest storybook upbringing had gone to hell in a hand basket, only leading Spencer to be more determined to never make Rhys feel the way her own parents had made her feel in the last few months.

John Left with nothing to do but to walk outside. By then, the cops were on their way. Sirens blaring. His car still idled and running before the pool of blood, knife and the phone his brother had dropped. Grabbing the blood soaked phone that he wiped off on his jeans. He was left complacent. He didn't know what to do. Pulling his car into a space by the time the police had arrived. Naturally quick to give his statement. What he had drove into, what today was, who he had seen leaving, whose police crested knife sat on the concrete. The panic attack was creeping up on him yet suddenly the realization of Spence hit him like a stack of bricks. The woman was somewhere in that hospital waiting for her husband. He couldn't bare being away from that operating room yet wasn't allowed away from the cops yet but couldn't tell her what had happened until he understood. Quickly calling Jade, he knew better than to call his mom though he desperately needed some back up. An extra hand before he lost it with this creeping realization that his brother may not pull this off. Somewhere in the operating room, they were attempting to stabilize his vitals. His lung had been punctured by the blade and rapidly filled leaving him unstable. Breathing difficulty achieved as they sought out the source of the bleed in attempt to stop it all.

Spence The longer John was gone from the room, the more unsettled Spencer became.  After her mother’s blowing up of the room phone, then the realization of just how long it had been that John had been out of the room, she couldn’t imagine John deciding to wait downstairs for River, nor could she imagine him downstairs with Judas shooting the shit when his son laid in that room.  Something wasn’t right.  Though it took a while for her to realize it, it was right there before her.  Deciding to try John’s phone again, not caring if it made her out to look pathetic.  At this point, everything within her said something wasn’t right and the key to that was some form of contact with John.  Had he been stopped at the nurse’s station?  Was something wrong with Rhys but no one was telling her?  Had his mother shown up, demanding to see her grandchild?  Her mind spun with possibility.  Though she had made it clear who she wanted to be there and thus leaving out the rest of the James/Reese clans, did someone show up that she didn’t want there and he was attempting to hold them off as best he could?  A sea of questions were there in his mind as she pressed the last digit to John’s number from the room phone once again, only hoping he would pick up this time.  Still not thinking anything was necessarily wrong with the man, only what he may be going through to honor her wishes, or if he was waiting for River who should be well in transit now.  It was then her thoughts took an entirely different line.  What if River’s grandmother declined bringing him?  After all the headway they had made there, perhaps the woman was suddenly refusing.  This would likely send John into a rage as he was putting himself out there, contacting the woman directly himself.  Her mind grasping for any reason John wasn’t in that room as she heard the phone begin ringing there in her ear, waiting for his voicemail, hoping for his voice instead.

John As John's phone rang, he looked down at the blood spread screen. A swell of anxiety hit him as he walked back into the hospital. Stopping in the waiting room. He had to take this. Accepting the call, a shakey hand brought it to his ear. "Spence?" He asked, not thinking, in a moment of stress-based anxiety that it could be anything differently. "Hey, it's Judas...I..." glancing back into the parking lot, the O.R. doors still not moving. The car belonging to River's grandparents stopped by police. "Fuck..." he sighed into the receiver. "I'll come talk to you in a few." Hanging up the phone, a jog to the parking lot where the mere sight of his nephew being pulled out of his car sight caught the man to break down from how much the kid looked like his brother.

Spence “Judas?” It was in this moment she knew something wasn’t just wrong, it was terribly wrong.  Why would Judas have John’s phone?  It didn’t make sense.  Hearing the expletive there at his lips, her heart raced as she prompted for information.  “Judas, where’s Joh—“  Before she could finish her question, he was telling her he would come see her in a few minutes.  Then all at once, the call was gone.  “Judas??”  Hearing the blank tone on the other end of the line, she slammed the receiver down in its cradle.  Perhaps never feeling as trapped as she did in that moment, stuck in that room, needing to know what in the world was going on, yet with no ability to do so.  Laying back in the bed, staring at the ceiling as she attempted to make sense of absolutely nothing more than Judas answering John’s phone, cursing, then promising to come see her soon and hanging up.  It didn’t make sense.  Still not thinking to phone Ryan to check in with p.d. on anything, yet the longer this went on, the more her mind would drift in that direction.

John After a brief break down at the sight of River, the poor kid never being more terrified or brought into a worse situation. The police explaining more than he could and that John was in the O.R. and his wife was upstairs with their new born. Only when he pulled himself together in front of a woman who he never wanted to see cry, was he taking River. She explained that he helped most things. He looked just like his brother before the world had gotten to him. Acted like him to. Gentle, soft, quick to cry. Everything that he should have been before the world and their mother took it from him. “Let’s go upstairs and be there for her.” The Russian woman in her broken woman explained though Judas would decline. He needed to be with John, she could go up as a virtual stranger with River and tell her what she knew as Judas remained near the O.R. Desperate for updates. Willing to send Jade upstairs when she got there but for now? He would play the part of sentinel as he went inside. Desperate for an update as River and his grandmother went upstairs to the maternity ward.

Spence The list of who Spencer wanted in the room was there with John on an operating table, with no way for it to be honored at this point in time.  It was evident as River and his grandmother entered the room.  It was meant to be only River and Judas, and even that had taken some time to bring the woman around to, but now she was face to face with River’s grandmother… instantly telling her there was far more wrong than she could have known for John was not to allow her there.  The first offense telling her John was clearly not in charge here anymore.  Someone else was.  Someone else who didn’t know her wishes which meant this room just became a free for all.  Spencer’s relationship with the woman was professional at best, never letting the woman see the true side of her as she was too busy being the kind of person she would permit the child around for the betterment of John and River’s relationship.  When the door opened, her eyes shot to the door, instantly expecting John, perhaps with Mexican food which would explain his absence.  When she saw River, all of her own fears had to be put to the side as she was faced with introducing the boys to one another alone… in a moment she knew John would want to be there for, yet there was no way to put it off.  Questions of how she was were asked, to which she gave her best fake smile, acknowledging some pain though she was still refusing pain meds until John’s return.  River was placed there in her lap, instantly a hug placed around her neck by the seventeen month old as the two had grown quite fond of one another.  “Hey big guy… your dad had to step out for a few minutes, but… we were pretty excited to have you meet your baby brother.  Should we wait for daddy or you want to…” Before he could answer, she was shaking her head no, prompting River to do the same as the woman stood to the end of the bed, visually pitying the woman as she sat clueless in that bed.  Sitting River over to the side of her, she reached into the plastic bassinet to withdraw the tiny baby from within.  “River, this is your brother, Rhys.  Rhys, this is your big brother, River.”  With introductions given, Spencer drew the infant close to her chest, cradling him in her arms as she brought one hand to River’s, drawing one finger out as she instructed him to slip his finger into Rhys’ grip.  “Be gentle,” she instructed, eyes shifting there between the boys to River’s grandmother, questioning hues though she couldn’t ask, nor could she be offered much with River there in the room.

John As Jade arrived to the hospital, he chose to put her on the doors. Still hearing nothing which left him with a horribly unsettling feeling about what was going on within as he decided to brave the elevator. Terrified of them, yet, he had to get over it to get upstairs and into the maternity ward. Soaked in blood that was not his. John’s phone in his pocket as he found the correct room. Slowly slipping within the doorway as he stopped there. Not wanting to disturb progress as River and Rhys met. Swallowing hard as the sight of River was a difficult one at that point but the baby. Laying his eyes on his nephew for the first time. Stepping forward into the room like he had seen a ghost. he approached. Eyes locked on the baby. Not saying or doing anything else but looking at him. Finding himself completely unable to speak yet the blood on his shirt might have spoken for itself.

Spence As Judas entered the room, Spencer’s questioning eyes drifted from River’s grandmother’s straight to Judas’ face, then his shirt.  “What do you think of your broth—“ Immediately her breath was stolen from her mid-sentence as she attempted to ask River what he thought of Rhys, trying to hold her shit together, but the moment she saw Judas’ shirt, there was no keeping anything together.  Spencer’s arms went weak to which River’s grandmother was quickly there to grasp the baby she had no right to hold, bringing him to her chest as she brought him back to the bassinet before asking River if he’d like to go to the gift shop and get something for baby Rhys.  In the interim, Spence was already in tears, with no possibility of holding them back.  A gentle hand from the grandmother was at her back as she pressed a kiss to Spencer’s temple, assuring her all would be okay in Russian to which Spencer wouldn’t understand, nor would she attempt to.  The exit of River and his grandmother was quick as she knew now was not the time to have River in the room, the first time ever the boy would be exposed through Spencer to anything aside from the greatest time with his dad.  “What in the fuck… what is… that’s John’s… tell me where… what…”  Her own distance from Judas didn’t matter in that moment, only the fact that he knew something she didn’t.  Not a thing coming from her mouth made any sense, though these ramblings would be familiar to John as she often lost her ability to complete a thought when her own emotion took over.  Reaching out for Judas’ shirt, she grasped it tightly in her small hands, pulling him towards her without a moment of pause.  “What happened to my husband?!”  She screamed through her tears, finally completing a single sentence as she made no secret of her emotional attachment to the man many thought to be nonexistent.  

John As the two left, he swallowed hard as he glanced down towards her trying to piece things together. Feeling her at his shirt wet with his brothers blood as she pulled him forward and her voice found his ears. “He…uh…” pausing, knowing he needed to get this out. A moment of hesitation meant to suggest he was dead. He wasn’t. “He’s fighting.” he managed, eyes still closed before he glanced down towards her. Inhaling a shaky breath as he looked down towards her. Biting down at the quiver of his bottom lip. “I drove into the parking lot and I almost hit ‘em. He was just laying there. I tried to get him up but he was out and your dad…he was-fuck, your dad…” not meaning to go that far with it. “The knife. The knife with the fuckin’ cop emblem on it. I have his phone and the knife. The cops took the knife for evidence but I have the phone…” he emphasized, pulling it out from his pocket where the dried and bloody remains still laid over the device. Not sure he was making sense either.

Spence That brief moment of hesitation there spoke volumes to the woman as a loud ‘no’ left her lips, her hands only tightening in his shirt.  By the time he confessed John was fighting, she was sobbing into the blood of her husband still damp in that shirt.  Not able to look up from that shirt as she heard him continue on, mentioning her father.  “My dad… my dad what?!”  She demanded as he went on to describe a knife she knew all too well.  Her hands in fists, pulling at the shirt, as if it would make things any better.  As the phone was pulled from his pocket, she didn’t want it.  She didn’t want anything in that moment but to be wherever John was.  Using her hands there in his shirt, pulling herself from the bed with little to no regard to the trauma her own body had been through just two hours before, not caring about the gown she wore that was quickly absorbing blood from Judas’ clothes, she rose to her feet.  “You take me to him, right now.  Get someone in here with Rhys and you fucking take me to him.  Fucking take me to him NOW.”  Leaving no room for argument, her hands pounded against his chest as she kept her fists there in his shirt for stability.  “Get Detective Ryan here and get me to John and don’t tell me that I can’t.  Tell those nurses to let no one near this baby and you take me to him now, Judas, please.”

John “I want to be with him to.” he reminded her as his voice broke, he couldn’t get her to him and he couldn’t get to him. He was in the operating room around a half dozen doctors all attempting to do the same thing. John would just about kill him if he knew he was letting his wife get restless this long after delivery. “I have Jade downstairs at the doors. When she knows, I’ll know and you will know. The only thing we can do for him right now is this. So please, sit down.” If he sounded like he was begging, it was because he was. He couldn’t take anything else at that moment. Already yearning for some kind of chemical substance to chill him out right now. “Please, just sit down.”

Spence “You come in here, wearing John’s blood, and you’re going to ask me to sit down?  To sit fucking down?  You sit fucking down and you play happy uncle and I’m going to get some god damned answers!”  Literally screaming at the man as she would have anyone else who dared try to keep her from John, she shoved her fists against him, making a quick turn for the door to the room.  “Sit down.  Like fucking hell I’m going to sit down.  I’m not waiting on any fucking phone call.”  As the words continued pouring from her mouth, she was reaching for the i.v. there in her arm, literally ripping it from her skin as she left it to fall on the floor as she made a quick line to the door.  Her feet unsteady as she took those first unassisted steps, quickly grasping to the end of the bed for stability, denying the fact she wasn’t physically able to do that which she was setting forth to do.  Reaching forward for the door before her hand would slip, her foot to follow, falling to her knees there in the entryway to the room.  Without pause, attempting to find her feet once more, determination to be reckoned with as the words continued to pour out from her lips as the tears soaked her face.  “He is my husband and I am supposed to be with him!  So you can help me or you can stand in my way, but either way, I am getting to him.  Do you understand me?”  On her knees as she attempted to find her footing again, pressing one foot to the floor as she attempted to rise, pausing there on one knee as the reality of it all set in on her.  There was nothing she could do for John.  Her father had tried to pay him to leave her and when he realized John had not gone through with it he attempted killing him to make his point.  As it all fell on her, she was weighed down to the floor, unable to continue her mission to rise, instead bringing her head there to her thigh, pressing her face to the fabric of the gown she wore, realizing the happiest day of their lives had just been altered by the hand of her own father, willing to go this far as to face murder charges which she would make sure would be pressed by the state, taking whatever chance there was at redemption and throwing it all away with his need to make John disappear.

John He was no stranger to outbursts, thus, as he landed himself one at the hands of his sister-in-law, he saw it coming. Feeling her fists as she went to the door, knowing she wouldn’t get that far. He had her stuck in this room whether she realized it or not. Allowing her to get some aggression out before she’d get back to that bed one day or another. Watching her rip out her I.V. “And is that going to help him?” he finally barked back. He was a moment behind her as she reached her knees. Already gathering the attention of the nurses in the hallway. Catching up with her as she attempted to rise and his hands were finding her upper arms. “He is my fucking brother and he is your fucking husband.” he reminded her, not one to sit back and take the hits like John was. He’d speak to it as his own strength took over. Grabbing the nearby wheel chair that he pulled towards them, hitting the brakes on it as he was slowly and carefully lifting her to sit down it with the help of a few nurses within quickly attempting to take care of her now blown I.V. “I have been with him since the day that someone brought me up to one of these rooms and showed me to him just like you just introduced River to Rhys. I am his older brother. I was supposed to protect him.” feeling the weight of it himself, making her realize that she was not the only one with something to lose here. “But there is nothing that either of us can do right now…we both now how strong he is. He’ll fight until he cannot fight anymore. This is all we can do, Spencer.”

Spence In a manner that only John would understand, the woman went silent.  All that was left was her tears to speak to her mindset there as she was moved against her will.  Within the chair, she felt as the nurses attempted to start a new i.v. line in her other arm as Judas spoke before her.  She would never see it that way, no matter what was said to her.  All she saw was another person standing before her, telling her she couldn’t be with John.  She couldn’t see the logic in it, nor would she ever.  She had felt the distance from Jade as she went on about her life, not bothering with the friendship she and Spencer had seemingly developed.  The same was true for Gia.  Nearly every person donning the last name James had either made an attempt at separating she and John, saying John was cheating on her, or distanced themselves from her.  Judas had been the one and only exception to this, but even that was only developed when she took the life of a blonde making claims similar to most of the others.  She couldn’t rely on her parents.  She couldn’t rely on anyone but John and now she saw Judas as nothing more than another person standing in her way to get to John.  Knowing she had but one choice here.  To sit in that chair, allow the i.v. to be started again, play it silent until finally everyone would realize she’d not engage them.  Ultimately they would all leave her be and then she could do what she felt was necessary to do, get to John’s side one way or another.  Be it with or without their help.  Once the i.v. was in, she was wheeled back over to the bed, to which she’d push helping hands away as she made that transition herself, refusing to be babied any longer.  Sitting in the center of the bed, refusing to lay back, refusing to take it easy, refusing to attempt to be comfortable in the meantime, taking her vow of silence until she could find a way out of that room even if it meant discharging herself against medical advice to do so.  Knowing just enough to be dangerous at this point in time as she could not be held against her will, but she’d let it be thought that she was contained, at least for the time being.  All the while, her tears were not ceasing, as it was the one thing she couldn’t control at this point in time.

John She could fight him on it all she wanted, he knew what he had to combat it with. The two were blood. Inseparable. The only reason he was keeping it together right now is because he knew who his brother was. What he would want. He’d tell him to wipe his fucking eyes and go take care of his wife who needed someone there. Look after his kid. The same way John would if the tables were turned. Watching her at least sit down though clearly not wanting to do so. His phone rang. Momentarily confused of which one it was but answering his, his sister’s name across the front. Lifting it to his ear, hoping for good news. “Jade?” he asked, taking a step towards the bed where she sat. Preparing. “‘He is coming out now. The doctors think they have everything. Apparently he got knifed three times. The two hit his lungs. They have the bleeding stopped but they have him hooked up to a machine breathing through a tube in his chest. The doctors wanna’ keep him under a medically induced coma to make sure that nothing pops or gets yanked out. Also under a high risk of infection but…” closing his eyes, taking in a deep breath. It brought them into another battlefield but leaving that initial one. “Okay, thanks Jade.” hanging up the phone, he looked down towards her. Sure she’d been able to hear a lot of that.

Spence As Judas answered the call, coming to sit beside her on the end of the bed, she could hear the voice of a woman she had not heard from since before she was even sure she was pregnant.  All of a sudden it felt as though James’ were coming out of the woodwork, filtering information down to her instead of allowing her to be there for him at all.  Isolated from him in a manner she was sure at least half of them were more than likely always gunning for.  Her own father managing to steal today from them and if it hadn’t been him, it would have been someone else because John James of South Philly wasn’t allowed to be happy.  He wasn’t allowed to be there when his sons met.  He wasn’t allowed to be there with his wife in those first days as a family unit.  She couldn’t handle any of this.  Judas had been kind enough to take them in when she did something that she’d forever regret, taking a life that she’d not have to pay for, and yet even he wouldn’t let her go to her husband.  Unable to see it in her or Rhys’ best interest as she had been conditioned to feel this from day one.  A man sitting there beside her who she had been accused of using John to get close to.  Too much damage had been done to allow her to truly rely on anyone aside from John and yet John was the one paying for it all at the hands of her own father.  Continuing her vow of silence, she resolved to the fact that any and all information on her husband’s condition would come from someone else, not even given the common courtesy to be spoken to by a doctor as his next of kin.  He didn’t need her when he had his protective siblings to trump her yet again.  Her mind swirled with anger and fear as she sat there on the bed, her eyes glassed over as her lower lip quivered, feeling as if she truly had no one.  A moment later, River’s grandmother appeared in the door again with River there, to which Spencer simply shook her head no.  She couldn’t play step mom.  She couldn’t be excited for the boys to meet and River to give his gift to Rhys.  She couldn’t do or say anything when all she felt was separation.  Luckily, River’s grandmother understood, carrying River over to place the stuffed bear at the foot of the bassinet before telling Rhys, Spencer, and Judas they’d see them in a few days when he was at home.  Spencer had to bite her tongue from telling the woman they didn’t have a home.  They didn’t have anything anymore.  Only offering a nod to the woman as River called ‘buh bye’ repeatedly on his way out the door with his grandmother.  

John He stood up from the bed, knowing she didn’t want him there and that was okay for him. The separation was evident. Drawing places in the sand. As the mutual party he had always been was now being lumped into his last name. He stood over the bassinet which was the only place he’d be able to find any form of happiness as he looked down into the little face. “He has John’s eyes.” the man noted specifically, maybe speaking to himself. He wasn’t sure yet. But hardly a moment later, as if he knew he was being spoken about, those same eyes were opening. Mouth doing the same as he began a few practice whimpers, cries. Letting it be known that he was about to lose it as the infantile cry left his lips. The volume of which was nothing short of surprising. Glancing over towards Spence as he was not quite sure what to do with him in that moment. “Do you want me to pick him up?” he asked her, not wanting to touch him if she did not want him to. Much less while covered in the blood of the baby’s father who should have been here instead of him. Thinking that the kid was probably hungry by now.

Spence As Judas moved from the bed, over the bassinet, Spencer watched him as she attempted drawing deep breaths, though rather unsuccessfully.  It wasn’t that she didn’t want Judas there.  She was the one that had said it would be alright for Judas to be there, actually the only member of the James family she was alright with being there, though she’d never confess it.  As he spoke, his words were true, bringing a fresh round of sobs from the woman once more.  He did have John’s eyes, through and through, as she and John had established not too long before.  Before everything went to hell.  The sound from the child was heart wrenching, starting out slow before it would hit the heights she heard moments after his birth.  Though everything in her wanted to tell him no, that he couldn’t hold him, and that he and Jade could leave, she knew it wasn’t what she actually felt.  She knew enough to know that her problem wasn’t with Judas or even the absent Jade who she once thought to be her friend.  Her problem was being away from John.  Her problem was her father’s endless attempts at severing her marriage to John.  Her problem was that her husband was floors below her, fighting for his life, and she was imprisoned in this room, supposed to be happy, supposed to be enjoying those first hours as a mother, completely unable to do so as her heart was downstairs.  “Yeah…” she managed, the first spoken word from the woman in some time, the full rasp of her voice on display there as she had aggravated the natural problem she held there in her tears and not using her voice in so long.  A part of her feeling that she couldn’t do this without John, almost thankful Judas was there in that moment to lift the child, to comfort him, when Spencer was complete incapable of such things in moments where it was she herself that needed comforting that couldn’t be offered from the infant.  Two premade hospital bottles there on the shelf of the cart, though she had yet to determine if she’d nurse him or if she’d bottle feed him, now wasn’t the time for her to be making such decisions.  She could find no joy in the child as she had not too long before.  Now only able to think of how she had put that knife in her father’s hand by not finding a better way to ease her father into things, by blocking her parents out months before when they made a scene in that same hospital, by betraying her father for the man she loved.  “There’s a bottle if he’ll take it,” she offered, feeling as though these things should be occurring between she and John, and yet there wasn’t a damned thing she could do about it.

John Picking him up carefully, Judas cradled the little boy. Knowing that the first few hours of his life should not be riddled with such things. Yet, he'd attempt to be as happy for his arrival as he could as he continued his cry. Showing that he was indeed hungry. Hearing her mention the bottle, his eyes flickered towards it. Back at her and then the baby. "You need to feed him for the first time." He insisted, refusing to deny him of this as he brought the baby before her. "I know it's hard to see the forrest through the trees right now but...Johnny might be downstairs but he's here also." He explained, glancing down towards the little guy with the same eyes. "He's in his blood. He needs you more than ever. Johnny has a theory that our mom didn't bond with him. He was born with blond hair and just like his dad and my mom couldn't bare to even look at him. Much less hold him, feed him...he'd want you to feed him. To bond with him..."

Spence As Judas moved towards her, bringing Rhys before her.  Her arms formed to take the child though a part of her couldn’t bear to do this.  As his weight was felt there in her arms, she recalled the last time she held him, at John’s side, the baby placed just into her arms just as Judas was doing now.  The cry from the woman coming straight from her gut as she nodded her head, knowing Judas was right, even if none of this felt right anymore.  With a shaky hand, she reached over to the cart at her bedside, taking the bottle from the shelf as she brought it to the child’s mouth, literally going through the motions at the willing of Judas’ instructions.  Her sobs were unceasing as she looked down into the eyes of the child that were directed straight up to her own.  Light eyes of his father, pinned to her own hazel hues.  Her tears dropping from the curve of her cheek to the light blue of the blanket he was swaddled within.  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, repeating it time and time again as she apologized for what the first hours of his life looked like.  “I’m so sorry,” she continued, allowing herself to feel every bit of what was happening.  Trying to remind herself that John was down there, fighting for her, fighting for both of his sons, fighting to get back to them though every part of her felt as if she was robbing him of all of the first moments she promised him he would have, together with her and their son.  Not wanting to lean on anyone, as she truly felt as though the only one she could trust was John, she was left with no other choice as she propped the bottle there against her chest as her hand reached to Judas’.  Not separating his fingers as she would have with John, but rather her fingers folding over his hand at the hook of his thumb.  Silently thanking him for being there, but also asking him to stay all at the same time.  She was tired and knew there was no way she could do this on her own, even if a part of her was already thinking in that direction.  If John didn’t pull through, her parents would assume this would send her running back to them, which she was sure was the end goal here, but in all actuality, she knew she’d take this child and run as far away from them as she possibly could, finding a way to do it on her own as there was no possible way she could leave this child.  In the past, when she had been told of John’s inability to stay true to her, she had plotted her own death.  She knew without him, she’d rather die than continue.  But as she looked into those light eyes of this child, leaving this world if John wasn’t in it was no longer an option.  Now she had to stay for him, if for no other reason.  Tightening her hand in Judas’, though it felt foreign in her hand, thanking him without words before she’d retract her hand entirely.  A gesture meant to apologize at the same time for the things she had said, for lashing out, though if ever her relationship with John had been brought into question, Judas had now seen first hand what that man downstairs meant to her.  He wasn’t a place holder.  He wasn’t a good time.  Her love for him ran as deep as love could possibly run and Judas had just watched as a woman’s heart was ripped to shreds.  She’d still need to get out of that room.  She’d still need to get to John herself, to be at his side, willing him the strength to fight this fight, but for now, she’d sit in the bed, feeding their child for the first time as the tears freely fell against her face and the soft fabric of a blanket in her arms.

John "It is going to be alright, Spence. The worse is over." He stated, a gentle squeeze of the woman's hand. Now that she had let Judas in, he could work with her. "I'm on your side here...but if I don't look after you and him right, he's gonna come kick my ass." He reminded her, attempting a bit of humor as if there was anyone who could lay Judas out, it was most likely Johnny. They had come to blows many of times but never to the point of having an actual winner as both lost in that situation. "You just gotta sit tight and the nurses will probably let me get you into the wheel chair and see him in a bit." He reminded her as she went ahead to feed Rhys, reaching out for a few tissues at the bedside table as her hand moved. "And I'm going to make sure he gets the best doctors money can buy so he's back on his feet and back with his baby and his wife where he belongs. You can quote me on that."

Spence The idea of a nurse bringing in a wheel chair to allow her to be brought to John was just the light she needed to see in that moment.  She had been encouraged to walk around, to move about the hospital freely at any time she wished as long as the baby was checked into the nursery and not taken from that floor, to which would allow for something of that sort to occur.  She nodded her head as Judas offered he a promise she knew he couldn’t keep for no other reason than the fact that it sounded every bit like what she needed to hold on to.  “I’m holding you to it,” she offered in return to his willingness to be quoted.  She didn’t want a quote.  She wanted words that would hold water, something that would hold weight, something that would get her son’s father and her husband back to them in the condition he left them in.  Still a part of her there that hated all of this, as it would be for some time, facing the unforeseeable future without John there, all of the promises in the world wouldn’t stop her tears from falling.  “I’m going to need you to do me a favor, if you don’t mind… there’s cops downstairs that will be working this case, more than likely camping outside John’s I.C.U. room, waiting for him to wake up to get his statement.  I need names on them.  I want you to request Detective Kenneth Ryan be put on this case.  Then, I want the lead detective sent up here for my statement,” she added, taking a deep breath as she attempted to find something here that she could do.  Not sure if Judas was in the know of what statement it was Spencer could offer there, yet she was the one that held the information to provide true motive in the case which would land her father behind bars sooner rather than later.  “Then I need you to go to the quarters John and I have been staying in.  In the top drawer of the nightstand is my gun, cuffs, and my badge.  You can’t get caught with these or you’ll be brought up on charges of impersonating an officer.  But I need both.  Then I want Ryan notified that the moment I’m released, we are going to my father’s apartment and I’m making that arrest myself.  I have eighteen more hours before they’ll release me and that is more than enough time to get an arrest warrant after my statement is taken, even without John’s.”

John Hearing her mention a favor, his brow was cocking. Only able to imagine what this woman had in mind. He knew it wouldn’t be something casual. A trip for food, go home and grab a movie. It had to be something big. Listening to her, the initial sounded easy enough. To push the case in one direction or another, it would need to be if there was to be justice. Regardless of the fact that his brother laid downstairs and her father was off somewhere, his brother was a biker. His last name made him notorious and her father was a cop. The system always swayed towards the latter, no matter what crimes they committed. No matter how red handed. Though, he began to understand the favor as the reason why she needed her badge. A low breath. “and you what happens if I do this and somethin’ happens to you because you overexerted yourself 24 hours after giving birth? Then what? He’ll fuckin’ kill me. You ever look Johnny James in the eyes when he’s pissed?” he asked, only able to wonder if she understood what he was risking here.

Spence Knowing what he said was true, she had looked the man in the eyes when he was pissed.  She’d been on the receiving end of that very thing a time or two, though she’d never divulge those details to another soul.  Easily able to remember the flash of rage in the man’s eyes the night he caught her with a blade on their sofa, she’d nod her head as she acknowledged that she knew what it looked like.  “You ever look Spencer James in the eyes when her father tries to kill her husband on the day of the birth of their child and try to tell her she can’t get justice for her husband fighting for his life downstairs where she can’t get to him?”  She asked rhetorically as it was the equivalent of what he had offered her.  She had seen what he was talking about just as much as he was watching her do what she could from that bed.  She might not have a lot of anything on her side, and it might’ve been all her fault at the very core of this, but she’d do what needed to be done there and if a shot or two were fired from her gun in the process of the arrest, it was nothing that her partner wouldn’t lie away for her on.  “Just please do it.  I swear to you, no overexerting anything but my trigger finger and my cuff latching finger.  Two fingers are all that’s at risk,” she assured as it was really that simple to her, already knowing it would be the trigger finger that would get the best work out on this one.  “Justice is mine on this one, Judas.”

John “I have, but you don’t got a killer left hook.” he pointed out, as she was not nearly as scary as he was. Not to say she wasn’t scary on her own but Johnny took it. Hearing her continue as she mentioned her trigger finger, he had to shake his head. “See, no. You can’t be shootin’ anyone. You are on the job. You got witnesses. Two wrongs don’t equal a right here. I am not against killin’ people…” he acknowledged, letting her simmer on that. “But if you are gonna’ do it, you need to do it right. So you can go out there and arrest him and bring him to justice or you can figure out what you wanna’ do with him later but you can’t just go around shootin’ people as a cop. This is how you get yourself locked up. There is more at risk right now then vengeance. It is not gonna’ taste sweet from a jail cell. He needs you.” he reminded her, gesturing down towards the feeding baby in her arms not even 24 hours removed from her.

Spence She already had it worked out in her own head.  If her father made a play for her gun, or if it appeared he had one of his own, she could easily use self defense, to which her partner would lie and swear to it under oath.  She wouldn’t get locked up for this, at the very worst she’d be put on probation until an investigation was held, but by then her father would be paying for his crimes against her husband, her son, and herself.  Releasing a held breath as she glanced down to the baby there in her arms, asleep with the bottle not moving against his lips, she withdrew it, bringing the newborn to her shoulder as she gentle rubbed his back.  “When John wakes up, I want to be able to tell him that never again will he be ambushed or blackmailed by my father and I want to mean it.”  She stated almost calmly, her voice still breaking under the weight of the tears she had shed, yet somehow feeling a little less helpless in the situation.  With a soft release of air passing Rhys’ lips, she lowered him carefully back into her arms, eyes lifting to Judas’.  “If you want to help me, I’ve told you how to do it.  If you don’t, I’ll find another way.  One year ago today, I met your brother.  Was at one of your shows with Gia.  Wanted to meet you, actually.  At an after party, Gia was all set to introduce us until I saw John.  He was standing over against the wall, doing the whole dark and scary thing, taking care of you from a distance.  Instantly, I wanted to know him.  It was magnetic the way I was drawn to him.  I don’t know if you remember, but Gia introduced us that night, but even as I spoke to you, I was fixed on him.  We hooked up that night and four days later got married.  Granted, it might not have been for love, but the chemistry was intense and there was no denying it.  That night changed my life as I put him above me and he put me above him.  We did what had to be done to protect ourselves and one another.  This time, John can’t protect us, but I can.”

John Smirking softly as she mentioned doing his “dark and scary” thing. That which he did so well in contract to Judas’ light and charisma. They were different, but he’d be damned if he didn’t love him for it. He had a mind like a chessboard. Each move to the next. Methodical. Defensive. Like he had led armies to war and victory before. If there was one man he wanted protecting him, it was Johnny. Never had any harm come to him. Nothing like what Judas had allowed to happen to him. As she went onto speak about their magnetism, he knew it to be true. “I’ll help you.” he stated simply. “but only with the reminder that if something gets fucked up that you hurt him twice over. He might kill me if I help you with this but the betrayal will kill him.” he reminded her, as the emotional pain of this could be beyond repair. The destruction, the schism. “So just keep that in mind as you try to keep your ‘trigger finger’ under wraps…” Judas concluded, much more of the gambler than his brother ever was.

Spence Hearing Judas agree to help her, it would only be then that a hint of what might be a smile somewhere within the woman would show the tiniest hint.  “Thank you,” she whispered, placing that bottle to the shelf it had come from, saving the rest for later.  Now, she had to get through the next seventeen and a half hours while she waited on a formal arrest warrant so things could go into motion.  “I’ll do my best,” she agreed, though she already knew her trigger finger was not to be controlled in the slightest as she trusted her partner whole heartedly to have her back on this one if he didn’t take out Brock Reese on his own before she got the chance to.  “Nothing is going to get fucked up.  Promise.”  She didn’t make promises she couldn’t keep and she didn’t offer them to just anyone, so the fact alone that she was promising him spoke volumes to just how much she had come around, though in all actuality it was all just something for her to focus on, to feel that she was doing something.  She was not okay, nor would she be okay, as she sat there, seemingly calm as she plotted the death of her father as though it were any other individual in the world.  Disassociating from herself in that moment as she drew all focus and drive into that single event that she already knew would not result in handcuffs being used.

John As the day ended and the night wore on, Judas wasn’t going anywhere. Guarding the room like a soldier as he took to the couch that had previously been promised to John. Sprawled out upon it. Attempting to get some rest as he had gotten himself a change of clothes and a shower to wash away the blood. Yet, the trash bag containing them in the corner of the room remained in his vision. Not sure whether the cops would want them for evidence or not. He had gone down and did his part. Speaking to the cops, pressuring them to put her Detective on with no prior knowledge of who he was as well as going home. Getting himself some clothes and bringing her bags into the room with the addition of her gun and badge to the bottom of the bag. Only stirring with a knock on the door that lured him to his feet, opening it where the detectives were present to finally take her statement.

Spence Sleep was again a luxury that Spencer could not obtain.  It was hard enough to imagine she’d be able to do so in that bed with John there at her side, where she knew she’d beg him to lay with her instead of on that sofa, but now to do so alone, knowing he was downstairs, waiting on updates through two filters, getting third party information where she felt less and less like his wife and more and more like some distant relative, sleep just wasn’t happening.  Her body took what it demanded, a half hour here and a half hour there.  Woken by every sound of passing footsteps outside the door, every entry of a nurse into the room, every soft noise from the newborn she was meant to be enjoying.  Now successfully able to move about the room herself, having showered herself and dressed in her own clothes, she laid with her eyes closed, appearing asleep though true rest would never come.  In the morning hours, the knock at the door would instantly have her sitting up, knowing it wasn’t a nurse as the half-knock was always only paused after a moment before the door was opened.  This was different, telling her it was either someone she didn’t want there to begin with or it was the lead detective she had requested via Judas be sent to the room.  As he walked through the door, her own sergeant there before her, not having expected such a high ranking official on this, it changed her mind on everything.  The way she had it all planned out in her mind, making sure that her father either died or was in prison for the rest of his days, now was all out of her hands as the man that stood at the foot of her bed was one she knew would stop at nothing to protect her and the baby, even if it meant doing so for a man he would only now come to find out she had married a year before.  The two conversed as old friends for a few moments, allowing the sergeant to meet the child at least visually that had taken his detective from his unit to desk duty before they would get to her formal statement.  “That knife belongs to Brock Reese, former police chief in McKinney, Texas.”  Her father had been off the force for many years, after being injured in the line of duty.  Though his name would mean nothing to any cop in Philly, it meant something back home.  “I bought it for him Christmas of 09.  On the inside of the blade are his initials, B.R.  Six months ago, he and John had an altercation in this hospital as my father did not want me married to John, much less having a child with him.  It came to my attention two nights ago that he blackmailed John with more than ten thousand dollars to step away from me, leaving me in whatever manner he so chose.  This happened several weeks back.  John accepted the money, but never intended to go through with that which it meant.  Though I didn’t witness this, I can tell you without a doubt that this is your motive.”  The sergeant looked on in shock as Spencer detailed out the reasons her father would want to commit such a crime, asking her if she was sure she wanted to do this, giving her the opportunity to pull back from her statement.  “I’m sure,” she offered, taking the pen from her sergeant’s hand, etching her signature in full form against the form on his lap.  “And I’m willing to testify against him.”  The sergeant took the form, nodding to Spencer as he glanced over to Judas then back to her once more, offering the form to Judas to sign as a witness.  Assurances were granted that this was more than enough motive for an arrest warrant, along with a side promise that her father would pay for this.  It was then the dampness would appear in the corner of her eyes, nodding her head in gratitude that not only would she not have to do what she had planned to do here, but that it was truly going to be handled as she could trust this man to not let her father go regardless of how decorated a cop he had once been.

John Many of this was news to Judas. While he and his brother were close, they had been distracted the past few weeks. With Spence being close to having the baby and Judas narrowly grasping onto the threads of his sobriety only to fall off, he perhaps had not been as attentive as he should have. Yet, hearing that his brother had taken the money was somehow a surprise to him. Had he considered doing it to back out? Was it for money? Was he that hard-up? Those thoughts took him to being prompted for a signature. Taking up a pen where he signed off his name and handed the pen back. Only able to wonder if she’d be content leaving this in someone else’s hands or whether she was still hot on the trail of getting him herself. Losing track of what was true and what was cover. He resolved himself back to the couch. Not belonging in this world as he was merely there to make sure she was alright while his brother was down.

Spence Once the form was signed, the sergeant would spend but a few more minutes there, asking Spencer to rest and try to enjoy that new baby as best she could, letting this fall into his hands as he assured her there would be justice served.  For the first time, she felt as though that might actually be true without having to get her hands dirty in the process.  Slipping a card to the table beside her bed, he bid his farewells to both Spence and Judas before he was seeing himself out.  Once it was all said and done, she leaned back in the bed, glancing over to Judas as she attempted to read a man’s face that she barely knew.  “What you signed is true,” she offered, giving at least some peace to the man that he had not just signed his name to a falsehood of a testimony.  Drawing the blanket back up over herself, she laid silently for several minutes until she’d release a heavy breath.  “John won’t be here to sign the birth certificate,” she whispered, knowing that along with other release forms were just a few hours out.

John “I wonder why he took it then…” the man hummed, wishing he hadn’t. Wishing his brother would just let him help him. “You know…it ain’t even really like help. He worked for me for all those years without collectin’ a real paycheck. He stayed on the tour bus, we ate together. I shared my cigarettes and my clothes with him but he didn’t get a paycheck at the end of the week. If anything, I just want to reimburse him. I could help youse out. A lot.” showing that it did upset him that he couldn’t just fix it all. “Like…I’ve been helpin’ out with the house and all. I ‘loaned’ him a few grand for paint and shit but I know he is gonna’ pay me that back.” he remarked, not knowing he wasn’t supposed to let the cat out of the bag on that one. That the house was theirs and the paint was drying on many rooms as they spoke. That the little guy’s room was finished and now just airing out. Hearing her mention the birth certificate, he had no idea how it worked. He just knew his brother would sooner be dead then not get his name on his birth certificate. “How does that work? You can’t just put his name there since you are his wife and all?”

Spence “He took it because it was mine,” she confessed, not getting into the details of just how much money she had filtered to her father over the last five years, or that it was all dirty money though only John and Kenneth knew it.  Not wanting Judas to feel at all responsible for it, though she understood why he would.  Listening as he spoke about his brother and what life before her had looked like, she drew a breath, unable to picture John in those scenarios.  As mention of the house was made, money for paint that John would be paying back, there was a tilt there to her head.  Hearing his question of the birth certificate, she’d explain that part later, but for now she was fixated on the statement of the house.  “He borrowed money from you to paint the house that we don’t yet know if we got?”  She asked, clearly not in the know on what was going on there.  The day before had been spent shopping together, awaiting that call that never came, but now she was finding that the call had more than likely occurred days prior.  A slow smile slipped across her face, the first true smile she’d had since John left that room the day before.  “He got the house??”  Nodding her head, she instantly was sure, taking one thing off the long list of things she had to be worried about.  

John Hearing her confession, it made even less sense to him but he didn’t think it would. The woman was already stuck, making him realize that maybe it would be a surprise. Yet, it was already out there now. Too late to backtrack. Glancing over towards her, he nodded at her question. “Yeah…we painted Rhys’ room like 2 days ago, some of the other rooms like 2 days ago. Usually when he said he was goin’ to work. The rest of the house doesn’t need it but his room and the bedroom look really nice. Carpet in the baby room, hardwood in the bedroom. Crown molding. The works. The other rooms don’t really need to be repainted, you guys can decide if you want to do that shit later. He just wanted it to be move in ready. Now youse just need furniture. Rhys’ room is done completely but like I said, waitin’ for the paint vapors to lift.” he explained as he rubbed over his bearded cheeks.

Spence The furniture was one of the things they had taken care of the day before, at least for Rhys’ room, all pending delivery once they were to get the final word on the house, only leaving her to wonder if John had arranged delivery of those items behind her back at some point during the day.  The smile became more and more genuine as it became clear that John took care of almost everything, just like he promised he would.  Her amazement was written all over her face as she gave that all a moment to set in on her, John taking care of them both even when she didn’t know it.  Easily recalling how she told him it was important to her that at least Rhys have a room to be taken from the hospital to, even if the house wasn’t ready to live in.  She still wanted his first moments beyond that hospital room to be in his real room in his real house where he’d grow up, even if it took time for them to fully move into the home.  Now though, they were hours from the discharge of both her and the baby, but yet no closer to John being able to cross that threshold with his wife and son.  Either demanding she give up her dream of him going to his room immediately, or giving up John’s right to bring his family home for the first time.  “So yeah, I can put his name, but without his signature, it’s not official,” she managed, bringing the conversation back around to that birth certificate.  Still entirely in awe of all that John had done for them.  Rising from the bed, she stood beside Rhys’ bassinet, looking down at the little one that had inspired so much work from both John and Judas, only wishing John had been there to see the surprise on her face when she put it all together.  “Think there’s any chance they’d make an allowance for this whole ‘he can’t leave this floor’ business to maybe go help wake his dad up?”  She asked, eyes cutting to Judas’ as she made her first true attempt at getting out of that room to go see John now that she was steady on her feet, only wanting to do so with Rhys before he was officially discharged.  Knowing it was a long shot, but it couldn’t hurt to ask considering.

John “No, they ain’t lettin’ that baby get no where.” he stated honestly. A good thing, if nothing else. Knowing their security risks. Knowing that Rhys was secure and safe here if nothing else. “But I think, with all things considered, you and I can at least get down there. I’m sure they have some medical shit they gotta’ get permission for anyway. So far, they have just been operating on his best wishes but now, some decisions will start to come into play.” he reminded her. Giving up a yawn that nothing would come from. Judas was nothing else if not an insomniac. Needing to get absolutely wasted or high off of his mind to really sleep. Neither of which was an option. Thus, she’d be stuck with him. “You just think you are ready to see him?” Judas finally asked, eyes lifting towards Spence as /he/ wasn’t sure he was ready to see Johnny. Not out of a desire to not be there for him but just to actually see what all had happened after the fact and the way he was being sustained.

Spence “I think it doesn’t matter what I’m ready to see or not ready to see.  I think that’s my life down there, fighting to come back, and if I don’t walk in there and give him something to come back to, then he might lose the will to keep trying,” she spoke honestly as her hand found that button to page for Rhys’ nurse for the first time.  Willing to let him go to the nursery, to get his circumcision done, to do whatever needed to be done so she could get to John and give the man the only reason to fight she could think of; his wife and his sons.  “If you want to stay with Rhys, I won’t judge you in the slightest, but that man needs me and I need him.”  Her statement was crisp and straight from her own convictions as truer words may have never been spoken.  Truly believing she and Rhys held the keys to being able to bring John through this, for she knew the strength of the bond they shared that none other were privy to.  She’d never be ready to see John in the condition she knew he was in.  She’d been a cop long enough to see many in that condition.  It wasn’t hard for her to already imagine what it looked like.  She was just about as ready as she was ever going to be, which wasn’t saying much, but his needs would come before her own emotions regardless.  “You in?”

John “I know.” he stated, as it wasn’t his way of backing out of anything or saying that he wasn’t ready to see it or that he wasn’t okay with seeing it. Just a way of preparing them both as those things were more difficult than people would confess to. “He’s never gonna lose the will.” he reminded her, as the man she was dealing with was not the sort. Yet, seeing her would help. “But no, I’m coming…I don’t want to see him go to the nursery but…” glancing down towards Rhys back to sleep in the bassinet, he frowned softly. Standing up, leaning in where he was pressing his lips to the baby’s cheek. “Yeah, I’m in.”

Spence “Good,” she whispered, knowing if she got weak in the knees, she’d have to trust him in a way she’d trust John, even though it wasn’t entirely possible.  She’d put her best foot forward if for no other reason but for John’s sake.  A moment later, Rhys’ nurse was there in the room, offering to take him for shots as well as the inevitable to which Spencer nodded her agreement.  “We’ll be in I.C.U., Johnny James’ room if anything is needed,” she offered, to which the nurse nodded.  Everyone on that floor knew that which the family was going through, having offered to take the child many times during the night though each would be refused.  A buzz about the nurse’s station in surprise that finally Mrs. James was allowing someone to take the baby from the room.  Leaning over the bassinet, she pressed a kiss to Rhys’ forehead as she whispered something so softly none could hear before drawing back, finding a deep breath as she nodded towards Judas, letting him know she was ready to do this.

John Reaching for the wheel chair as she watched, lips tightening in his round about way of saying that they couldn’t take any chances. “So we can get there sometime this century?” he asked, again, an attempt at being playful as he popped the brakes on and guided it towards her so she could sit down. Knowing it was a bit of a walk and it would be easier for them both. Not to mention, easier to guilt them into submission with the sight of her a few hours out of childbirth.

Spence “No wheel chair,” she stated quickly, refusing to go in there any other way than on her feet, needing to feel strong, not weak.  She’d been on her feet off and on throughout the night and doing just fine, so she wasn’t about to go backwards now.  “I’m fine, I promise.”  If something were to happen on the other end and a chair be needed, she knew it would be handled at a later time, but she’d be walking into her husband’s I.C.U. room on her own two feet.  “Thank you, though,” she added, walking there to the door, pulling the handle opened for herself as she slipped through, eyeing him as though he were the one holding up progress now.  “Anytime you’re ready…” she teased as he had to her a moment before, flashing him a smirk as she headed towards the elevators with or without him.

John "This is going to take forever." Quickly complaining as she wrote off the wheel chair, a groan to follow. Tucking a briefly open middle finger for her into his jean pockets but knowing she sat it as she rushed him along. Eyeing her smirk as he caught up with her at the elevators. "Look at you, fertile turtle kicked it into rabbit mode." He hummed, hitting the elevator button that brought about a swarm of anxiety for what laid within yet he was always good at hiding it. Only able to imagine what he was to walk into. Usually it was him in a hospital bed. Usually it was him attached to the tubes. Not Johnny. It was something he hoped to never see again.

Spence “Shut up,” she complained as he name called in her direction, catching sight of that finger, yet making no mention of it.  Her mind was in one place and one place only and she didn’t have time for the games with him.  She’d been dying to get out of the jail cell of a hospital room for far too long now and she wasn’t going to waste any more time than she had to in order to get there.  As the doors opened, she was slipping inside, leaning back against the wall without a clue as to where the I.C.U. was located, forced to let Judas lead the way from here.  “If you would be so kind,” she prompted as though he were an elevator attendant, eyes shifting to the buttons there within to designate which floor they’d be stopping on.

John "Yeah..." he answered dryly, hitting the appropriate button to see them from the maternity ward and down the main sect of the hospital that would lead to the I.C.U. Watching the doors close and his own personal torment begin. Leaning back against one of the walls, closing his eyes in order to combat the claustrophobic movement. Counting backwards in his head. Every weapon that therapy had given him to combat this phobia yet nearly running out as the doors opened.

Spence Her eyes set on the floor indicator, watching as it moved lower and lower until it stopped, it was only then that she’d glance over to find Judas displaying coping mechanisms.  Making no mention of that which she saw, his secret was safe with her as she stepped off the elevator to find the desk before them.  Before she could ask for the room, she’d spot two officers outside of a doorway, knowing instantly where her husband was.  Unable to bring herself to pause for a moment, she made those steps down the hall where she’d catch that first glimpse of her husband in the bed, wires coming out of his gown left and right.  It stole her breath as she waited there for Judas, not making it clear if she was waiting for him out of respect or if she had lost her ability to move forward, either way just standing, frozen for the moment as she closed her eyes.  Drawing in a deep breath, reminding herself he was going to pull through this, though it was hard to stay so positive now that she saw first hand that which her father had done to the man.

John There were about a dozen different machines going off in that room. None of them harmonious. All clashing. Entering the room a moment after her, perhaps a bit better prepared considering what he had drove in on yet never prepared enough as he looked over the man. A tube in his chest regulating his breathing. The freshly stitched gashes proof of where all that blood had come from. Eyes closed. Deeply asleep as if he didn't know any different. Glancing down towards Spence, he offered his hand for support. Not rushing her.

Spence It would be at the will of Judas’ hand that she’d take that step through the doorway she had frozen within.  Hating to ask this, but turning to look up at him, relying on a silent language the two did not share before she’d realize she wasn’t communicating with John, but a man who barely knew her.  “Do you mind if I…” she asked, requesting a few minutes there by herself with John.  Not wanting to push the man off in the slightest, but needing to have that privacy to truly be vulnerable to all she was witnessing.  Already her voice was sticking to the back of her throat as she attempted just that much of her sentence, hoping Judas would understand her request without getting his feelings hurt in the process.  

John "Yeah, that's fine...just..." grabbing a nearby chair, pushing it to the hospital bed. No hurt feelings. He'd have his time after. "Just do me a favor and sit." He insisted, letting her hang on that request as he glanced over towards his brother. Leaning over where he pressed his lips to the encouraging warmth of his forehead before he was pulling back. Eyes at Spence, a nod. Excusing himself and closing the door behind her to give her that time. The enclosure beeping wildly with working machinery all intended to keep him in that medically induced coma along with hydration and the proper medications awash in several IVs pumping away in his arms.

Spence Finding the chair Judas asked her to take, she’d ignore it to find her own way, as usual.  Her hands resting to the back of it as she let her eyes survey the wires running in and out of the gown he wore.  “You’d hate that thing,” she whispered, her voice cracking under the pressure of the words.  Tugging at the back of the chair to drag it off to the side as she glanced to the doorway again, making sure no one was there to see her.  Finding the coast to be clear, she stood at the side of the bed, lifting the edge of the blanket as she took careful note of every wire that ran down his side, a bite there to her lower lip as she attempted to assess the risk here.  One knee to the edge of the bed, she leaned down, finding a way to lay there beside him, her hand over his against his thigh as she lightly rested her cheek against his shoulder.  There were no words she could offer in that moment, finding instead pure silence as the sounds of the machines around them echoed through the room.  Not feeling the need to speak as she felt her presence would be stronger than her words, letting her eyes fall closed as she laid against him, keeping her weight there to the edge of the bed and off of him, only attempting to be as close as she could without doing any harm to him.  Realizing at this point, these machines may be all that was keeping him alive, now that she was there beside him, there was a good chance no one would be able to pull her from that bed where she finally felt as though she was reunited with her other half.

-May 31, 2016