#My pansexual awakening

[maecaart]

Sheik

Dm for a commission

Support me on patreon:https://www.patreon.com/maecaart

[crystalrainfall]

[cow-tag]

so i saw somebody say that casey would be a cat mutant, and i agree. but only if his theme song is Thomas O'Malley Cat from the Aristocats.

[d3adp00ls]

2019 me: *singing wish you were gay by Billie Eilish*

My friends: 👀

2019 Me:IM NOT GAY THE SONG ISNT EVEN LIKE THAT ITS ABOUT-

Me now: Boobs are so hot and so is BillIe Eilish like the things I would let her do to m-

My friends: OK WE GET IT SHUT UP

[panoramicdissonance]

I think my first ever sexual awakening was with women from a video game. I can’t, for the life of me, remember if it was Saints Row or if it was GTA. Not remembering is driving me crazy!

I would say Zac Efron was but I think the women in those games got to me first.

I don’t think it was my first experience, but being able to create your own character in Saints Row and making her a woman and doing….things (I won’t type here so I don’t get hit with a violation) really had me feeling some type of way. And just watching her walk and seeing her in certain clothes was something I never realized interested me. Like yeah I thought of her as “me” in a sense because it was me playing this character, but she was never ME if that makes sense. I never looked at a woman before and thought, “wow she’s so hot” and just stared at her. Poor little me so young, dumb, and oblivious 🤷🏻‍♀️

[nari-kami]

Remember that one Tecna WIP I made months ago, well I finally did something with it XD

Originally I was just gonna finish the WIP but it was a bit boring so I changed some stuff up to make it more interesting :3

[thyladestiel]

In honor of Pride Month, this is my 'grew up in the 90s' gay awakening post...

At the time, I wasn't sure why I loved Jasmine in this scene so much 🤷‍♀️😂

The scene in the department store with the whip and also at the end when she's completely lost her shit "four, five, still alive!" and her cowl is half ripped off and her hair is sticking out of it she still looks crazy hot.

Lady Marian. Love that first scene where she's in full armor with a big sword. Also the wedding scene at the end, with her hair and wreath and her smile with the leaves falling all around her... She was the most beautiful and romantic thing I had ever seen.

Everything about Kate Winslet in this movie was just exquisite. I remember being confused when people had pics of Leo on their lockers, but I absolutely had pics of Kate Winslet saved to my desktop! 😂

Everything about Bernadette Peter's is cute as a button. Her voice is so attractive, and shes just so damn pretty, small but feisty.

Uma Thurman is just such a unique beauty, something about her reminds me of sharp edges. And Kill Bill? Hello. Uma definitely looks like she could kill me, and I'd thank her.

I'm STLL obsessed with Jennifer Connelly. That's wifey. I even watched that boring new top gun movie just for her. She's still the most beautiful human.

Princess Aura: "Not the bore worms!!" What in the BDSM is happening here, you may ask. Everything about the Flash Gordon movie is so horny. Like, the weirdly sexy reactions to the "torture" beam ray gun thing... The part with Flash's gf and Princess Aura fighting/rolling around in the harem outfits. Even the part where Flash and that forest prince guy are sticking their arms in the tree thing with the scorpion. The eye contact and the tension is so sexual. 😳

I don't feel like I need to explain this one. But I will say, that I think being very attracted to Xena is what led to my affinty with the sword and sorcery/high fantasy genre in general. It's just a sexy genre.

Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈

[maitaiwiththecorpses]

 (at the time, I wrote up my obsession with her to the fact that she was my favorite character. In truth: I was enamored with her)

LADIES, GENTLEMAN, AND EVERYONE IN AND OUT OF THE BETWEEN, TE PRESENTO A:

My Gay Awakening

[celestikal]

yes celeste and shadow but. celeste and blaze. celeste and infinite

[echo-echo31]

im curious

reblog if Markiplier made you realise you like men

[allthebestnamesweretaken]

I’m 23 and came out as pan to my close friends and family less than a year ago. It took me a solid couple years to grapple with who I was attracted to or not and looking back that’s hilarious because I was in love with this woman growing up (still am tbh, I mean look at her)…yet I questioned myself for years if I liked women or not💀

[nightlight-nightlife]

Back when I was a kid in latchkey I would sit in the nearby field with my friend and eat certain parts of honeysuckle because we thought it was actual honey. Miss those days

[joseatta11]

Am I the only one who thought Tommy from Third Rock from the Sun was a girl until he hit puberty? Let me explain. My mom would watch the show so when I came into her room to ask her something I would see him and assume they named the girl Tommy because they were aliens and didn't know good names.

I saw Tommy, assumed he was a girl and felt my heart do a little skip. I didn't know what pansexual at the time, I just thought it was normal to think like that. So, yeah I had a crush on Tommy when I thought he was a girl

Now we flash forward to when he was looking more masculine and my first was "Oh crap, he's a dude!" but he was also really cute so I got a little confused and did some research, and boom! Here I am today a proud pansexual and for that I will always Joseph Gordon-Levitt

[melancholyandfrogs]

To All the Sins You Couldn't Commit

!! fw: depression, mentions of abuse, mature themes, foster care system, cps, strong metaphors and adult language !!

the story begins with something simple; grief.

❝His inherent trust issues rage under his skin, and him wearing his heart on his sleeve doesn’t help. Time and time again, he has been torn apart by others and put back together in ways that suit them, that benefit them. Never him.

A quiet, shy kid in this house, in the next, they wanted him to laugh loudly at all their jokes -in the next, a punching bag. In the one after, a quiet, submissive presence that’s just as easy to call on as he is to dismiss.

Will is someone with a weak voice and a strong pair of lungs. He could scream a house down, if only he could find the right words first. He never does.

He is seventeen and confused about why everything still hurts when it shouldn’t.❞

There are five parts of the book, and each part is dedicated to one of the stages of grief that Will is going through—denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance.

Each chapter has an emotion that sets the tone of the piece, such as 'Anticipation' paired with a matching sin, such as Envy, that sets the characters actions into place.

The seven deadly sins play a big part of this story.

(Envy, Lust, Pride, Sloth, Wrath, Greed, Gluttony)

This book takes a large spin on all of the ways that a sin can be shown in someone's character and the ways it can completely mold someone just based on what they strive for most.

And of course, being sinful is fun every now and again.

The book takes place in a little town—like so many other stories—named Black River, next to a very popular town the cast will visit called Burndaux, where our main cast of characters live (it is a very sporty town, where athletes are treated like gods but people who are 'different' aren't as accepted as they should be—but it isn't a generally degrading town overall).

Over the course of the book, we go through different phases like there are different seasons:

Summer, where Will is just getting used to living in Black River and joins the soccer team, fall, where school starts and everything kicks into high gear, winter, for Yule/Christmas/Hanukkah and family gathering and learning about life, and the new year for resolutions and confessions.

This story begins with Will in the backseat of a moving car, eyes casted out to the trees moving past with his case manager/social worker talking to him about what just happened.

Let's move onto our cast, and how they're described at the beginning of the group as the main character (Will) is meeting them:

❝It wasn’t long before they arrived at the park, a common group hang-out from the sounds of it, and parked right on the grass. Clement seemed casual enough doing so that Will didn’t ponder for too long if it was actually allowed (willingly breaking the rules is something that he never grew comfortable with).

“Okay, so here’s the breakdown-” Saying this, the unruly teenage boy beside him opens the door, slams it and walks around while still talking, so Will misses whatever he says next until he arrives on his side of the Jeep to motion for him to follow.

He scrambles for the door handle.

“-we have me, ‘n I’m awesome, so don’t stress t’much about me. Second we have Minnie, Minerva Mackey, she’s awesome too but less awesome than me, she can be pretty strict at times but she’s still fun. You don’t really have to be cautious with her.” Clement glances back only briefly to make sure he’s actually being followed, talking the whole time as he briskly walks to wherever his friends are.

All Will could think is he couldn’t explain this in the car?

“Next you have Jude and Demi, they’re identical twins and the only difference ‘tween them is that Jude is a little bit taller -and they’re both tall. Like tall-tall. I’m tall, yeah, mhm, but they’re taller.” Given as Clement is half a head taller than Will himself, the redhead isn’t all together pleased by hearing this. “Actually, I think Mine’ might be taller than you too. ‘M not sure though. With Demi, say and do whatever you want, but maybe, I don’t know, be a little more aware around Jude. He can be harsh.”

Will’s nose wrinkles. “Are they all nice?”

Another glance down is followed by an amused snort. “Oh absolutely not, they’re not, nah. Demi’s the nicest but then again he grew up being humbled by Jude, so it’s no surprise. I’d say you’d probably get along best with Demi, he’s got anxiety too.”

That’s… great. 

Will loves being summed up by his mental illness.

“Oh bu’ they’re not mean either!” Rushing this out, it’s clear that Clement saw the worry festering in Will, because he fully turns and stops them from walking; one of his clear indicators that he not only thinks what he’s saying is important but also requires whoever he’s talking to to pay the most attention. “We’re teenagers, we’re jackasses, but they’re all kind. Sarcastic weird bags’a flesh, but kind. Mom told me that there’s a difference between being nice and being kind. They’re that difference.”❞

Introducing,

William "Will" Orion Nile

He is a 5'8", green eyed ginger who has more freckles than he knows what to do with. Because he firmly believes that presentation is important—he dresses well in jeans, button ups, nice looking long sleeves, and while his sneakers are old, he takes care of them.

He is just anxious all of the time.

Moving onto mental, he has a raging case of not so much being suicidal but having the mindset of 'I don't think I want to be alive anymore' and a inferiority complex while simultaneously being a people pleaser.

He grew up displaced in the foster system, he doesn't know why he was put up for adoption (yet) because the file is sealed until he is eighteen (he's seventeen at the beginning of the book, but he will be turning eighteen by the end).

One of the only things he had consistently growing up is soccer; there is a national association that would be able to meet in the state he lives in, and so he was able to attend games and important practices.

Because of this, he got really, really good. He plays as a Sweeper (defense #5) on his high school's team—go bears!—and quickly becomes a vital part of game play.

Over the course of the book, it goes over his healing cycle and the way he discovers more about himself. The shy-at-first heterosexual 'not allowed to think' foster boy turns into a sure of himself, healing and growing, raging gay man.

We actually see him have multiple boyfriends, learning what he likes and from who, over the course of the book before settling on his one and only, Jude.

Will: The Sin of Envy.

Onto his foster brother—

Clement "Clem" August Renshaw

He is a 6'1" blue eyed brunet who's curls are crazier than they are anything tame. One of the biggest things about him is that he talks very, very fast and doesn't care what people think of him. He will dress and look and say whatever he wants—it's up to others to interpret what kind of person he actually is.

He is just... happy most of the time.

Mentally, he tries his best to remain in a positive space and has a lot of good coping mechanisms in place, one of which is his ability to put on a mask and make others smile. He's gone through a lot of trauma in his life, and because of this, he thinks the best way to handle that is to simply smile.

He grew up with his mother and father, who was abusive, and one day is just got to much. His mother, Grace, divorced his father and took sole custody of him. Because of this, his father kidnapped Clement and went on the run with his for a week with his friend who was a very, very bad man.

After he was found and safe, he watched Grace fall in love with his soon to be second mother, Lyra Renshaw. Lyra adopted Clement at the ripe age of thirteen, and he and Grace changed their last name to match hers.

His role on the soccer team really isn't as big as an on-field player, but he does play quite an important role—keeping the team spirit up. He's the game announcer (similar to Lee Jordan from HP) and loves to crack a joke, even at the expense of his own team.

Over the course of the book, we see him be a big support for all of the cast as well as the comedic relief, but the more you see him, the more his past will come into play and you learn about the different ways that people learn to just be.

He has a very long standing crush on one of his (out of three) best friends, the one he's known since kindergarten vs. since he was 14, and we also see their relationship progress slowly, shyly, but with no less passion than he deserves.

Clem:

The sin of Lust.

Now for Clement's longest standing best friend (and love interest)—

Minerva "Minnie" "Mine" Elara Mackey—

They are a 5'9" hazel eyed black haired genderfluid—they/she—person who has more cocky grins than she does smirks. She is so damn certain that she looks good—that they can pull everything off (but most days you'll find her with a flannel wrapped around their waist and a tank top pulled up high).

She is absolutely cocky all of the time.

When it comes to her mental, they definitely have what many refer to as a 'god complex' and what she refers to as "Don't call me out on it, just appreciate that I'm awesome."

She grew up with her parents happily in love, when they were nine, her mother died and by the time she was eleven, her father (who is Black River's sheriff) was married again to her step mother, and they had a baby brother—named Elijah—on the way.

Because of this, they grew up under very strict guild-lines from her parents, particularly from her father. This made them very good at lying, at being confident in doing everything—bad things included. She's not afraid to sneak out.

They're confident and have good reflexed. She plays as the Goalie (defense #1) on the team, and is also referred to as 'Coach Mackey' from other players.

Through the course of the book, we see Minnie on a different level than they're originally introduced as, seeing her fears and the things that make them rage.

She, coincidentally, is also in love with Clem. Once their love is outed, however, they're a lot less shy about it.

Minnie:

The sin of Pride.

Now for Minerva's biggest rival (and best friend)—

Jupiter Donovan "Jude" Storme—

He is a 6'6", brown eyed blond whose nose wiggles adorably—he hates this but don't let his glare fool you, it is cute. While he's normally pretty put together, there are days he very clearly gives zero (0) fucks.

He is furious and fruity all of the time.

Mentally, he is one of those overprotective douchebags that think that nobody can lay a single finger on you except him, he's okay, as long as you're not bleeding or crying after, all is alright with the world. Word of the wise: he bites.

He grew up with very lousy, wealthy parents, ones that could care less about if he's happy, and more about if his tie is on straight. He truly is an perfectionist because of this.

One of the thing about Jude is that he's an artist. He is really good at painting (Clement has countless of his paintings in his room) and sketching in particular, but likes to fuck around with charcoal every now and again. He does it to relieve stress, and on off weeks, he's often seen with paint fingertip-to-elbow.

Jude is normally a very aggressive and forward person, this makes him the perfect Right Winger (offense #7) on the high school team—he's a very vital part of the team, scoring most of the goals that his twin sets up for him.

Over the course of the book, we get to know more about him. Jude is always overcompensating for something and acts rude, when internally he is loving and maybe not kind, but kinder.

He's gay and supportive and an older brother. He's the perfect person to go to when you need real, unfiltered advice. Or a hug. This makes him the perfect love interest for Will.

Jude:

The sin of Wrath.

Now for Jupiter's twin—

Demetrius Jordan Storme—

He is a 6'4", brown eyed boy who is normally seen with tired eyes and a hat over his blond hair. This has more to do with him wanting to be told apart from Jude than it is him thinking he looks good in them—but good luck getting him to tell you that.

He is just tired all of the time.

Moving onto mental, he has a mind raging with anxiety and fear and anger. He is rageful and passionate internally, but externally, it is hard to tell anything.

He grew up with very lousy, wealthy parents, ones that could care less about if he's happy, and more about if his tie is on straight. He tends to tune out his emotions because of this.

We talk a lot about 'aloof' and 'blunt' character that yell a lot but they're hot and mysterious as the ones who repress their emotions, but not a lot about the smiling, base-line characters who actually repress their emotions. He is the boy who you will tell everything to and trust, and find safety in his arms, and then after a few months of getting advice and hanging out with him, telling him your deepest secrets you realize you don't know anything about him.

Because of this, it is really, genuinely, surprising when people see how aggressive he is—even more aggressive than his own twin. During games he plays as a Left Winger (offense #11) and he will bust past the offensive line and take down any player he needs to, just to get the ball to Jude.

Throughout the book, we actually see him mad on multiple occasions and while Demi himself never explicitly opens up to Will, we do see him relax a bit. He is known for being a fuck-boy who doesn't really get an attachment to anyone, just a quiet side-kick who smiles and has anxiety.

Yet by the end of the book, he's fully integrated and introduced his girlfriend Nymphadora to the entire friend group, having Jude's support already.

Demi:

The sin of Gluttony.

Now, these are the main characters, all of them play a crucial role in this story, even if they would just seem like side characters at the start. I don't think this story would be progressing nearly as easily if a single one of their characters and what they bring to the table weren't here.

But of course, we're still missing the other two sins, aren't we?

Introducing, our side cast:

Lyra Renshaw, the sin of Sloth

She is Clement's mother and Will's foster mother, she is always able to give Will the advice that he needs, as well as watching out for him; taking care of him during and after panic attack, making sure he doesn't feel pushed or rushed or forced into making decisions, getting him a therapist, informing him about queer culture and how he can fit into it, educating him in general.

The reason that she represents Sloth is because while she is on top of everything for Clement and Will, everything in her own life is slow-coming, and she does everything in her power to make that Will's is properly fast-paced.

She doesn't let him second guess if he is safe, she makes him know it and act on anything she wants.

Doctor Rex, the sin of Greed

She allows Will to get to where he needs to be all on his own, just giving a push or asking the right question every now and again, allowing him to process and grieve. Yet she wants more info, more progress and asking that he gives more than he thinks he's capable because she knows he is capable of it.

And she helps Will transition his mindset into something more destructive, and learn about himself as well as finish grieving for who he could have been.

As his therapist, she plays a really crucial role to the book (and she has a lovely cat, Culpa—which literally means Guilt, in Latin—that also plays a part: overcoming his own inner guilt, clutching onto him at all times, Culpa rubbing against his leg when he's being particularly angsty. Yes I found a way to work a cute cat into plot. Bite me).

Our main side character,

Alexander Sirius Walker—Will's best friend

He is someone who, very slowly, pushes the plot along. He does not rush anything, he is slow with progress, slow to respond, and slow to show how he's helping. In reality, he's both forcing Will to do things the right way for himself and forcing Jude to overcome his overprotective rudeness over Will and actually admit I'm jealous.

He's a slow-paced plot device to push the two of them together, and give Will someone to come clean to about his trauma over the entire course of the book.

Every chapter title is framed like this:

EMOTION (sin)

Will really, really, really was starting to question if any of his friends are sane. He, on this particular day, doubted it.

The emotion will frame the state of mind that the main character, or whoever's POV the chapter is in—since there's mini-chapters in the breaks between the five different parts of the books, that are in Clem, Jude, Demi and Minnie's POV—

The reason the book is called 'To All the Sins You Couldn't Commit' is because we all have sins, we all have thoughts and desires we're scared to act on. This book takes the bad parts about humans, the ones that make us bite at our nails and have panic attacks and cry ugly with snot-filled tissues clenched in hand, and be toxic, and yell, and fight, and be angry and furious on our road to self discovery, it takes those bits and tells you it's okay to be human.

We are all human. We are all traumatized. We all bite at our nails from time to time.

Simply put, this story is a bout a group of teenagers learning how to heal from themselves and how to grow up while still reeling from childhoods they didn't get to have.

Read it.

[devotedlystrangewizard]

time for my once every 6 months fire emblem fates playtime i guess

[hp-hcs]

Can maybe request some slytherin boys with gay awakeing trope? Maybe headcanons or shorts

gay awakening headcanons — mlm! slytherin boys x male! reader

hella short cause of some ✨personal stuff✨ going on, but i just wanted to get something out 🤷‍♂️

me? blame my shitty writing skills on my current health problems? what no never

❕not proofread❕

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

mattheo

immediately has a mental breakdown

identity crisis anyone?

i feel like he would have that panicky gay moment where he realizes that his friend is actually his More Than Friend, ykwim?

like, you just do something innocuous like sling your arm over his shoulders while walking to class and babyboy just FREEZES

the second that happens, he immediately drops out of your life while he freaks out gets his shit together

like, homeboy just deadass vanishes

doesn’t show up to any of his classes

doesn't show up to quidditch practice (draco threatens to kill him for that, cousin or not)

meanwhile you’re just there like 🧍 “what did i do?”

because my lil darlin mattheo cannot healthily express any emotion ever, he would “solve” his problem by just like, purposefully running into you in the halls and kissing your cheek, then just full-on 🏃💨 SPRINTING 🏃💨 away without a word

theo

also has an identity crisis, he’s just better at hiding it

gotta save face, amirite?

but anyways-

you weren’t even doing anything out of the ordinary, you were just hanging out with him in his room and ended up lighting his cigarette for him

that’s it. homeboy is already whipped for ya.

like, straight up simp.

i feel like theo’s a “i’m definitely going to have a panic attack over this at two in the morning, but for now i’m just going to not think and enjoy 😌💅” kind of mentality

just flat out says it

“you know, you look really hot today.”

y/n: 😳😏………..💏💋😘

draco

have you ever had a friend that was so clearly Not Straight but they just kept denying it for years before finally coming out?

well that’s draco <3

you were at a party and agreed to join some kind of kissing game

like, spin the bottle, seven minutes in heaven, post office…

(does anybody actually still play post office?)

and obviously, you both end up having to kiss each other duh

homeboy is not doing well

but not in a “what?? i don’t know what’s going on!!” kind of way

in a “ah shit my friends were right every time they called me gay, fuck” kind of way <3

immediately start dating after the party and everyone’s like 🤨👀

blaise

i feel like blaise already knew/suspected, but just didn’t have the vocabulary to describe his sexuality, ykwim?

i’m getting pansexual vibes frfr

could not give less of a fuck

is just like “shit alright, d'you wanna make out then?”

i mean……..it’s not like you’re gonna say no

this man. tHIS MAN. he’d be such a gentleman omfg

also i’m not gonna say sugar daddy but sugar daddy

would absolutely buy you anything you even looked at. you looked at a ten thousand galleon wristwatch in a luxury store? it’ll be on your bed waiting for you by the time you get home

if anyone was homophobic or wtv, he wouldn’t beat them up per se, but he would do something unnecessarily extra, like wear a dress and makeup just to be like “wdym? we’re a straight couple, obviously”

(he would tell his friends about the homophobe though, and they wouldn’t be quite as composed and respectful as him 👊😠🩸😵😵‍💫)

enzo

this man seriously does not care

like, he’s just like “oh i’m queer? hahah that’s crazy”

this man has no qualms about asking you out in the middle of class in front of everyone

like, in the middle of potions or smth he’d just be like “y/n, wanna go get dinner sometime?”

and you’re like “…aren’t you straight?” 🧍

enzo: “who knows? not me! does saturday at eight work?”

he’s so silly goofy i just love him sm

this boy would be a hella fine kisser, i just know it

WOULD ASK YOU TO THE YULE BALL 🕺🕺

AND WOULD GET YOU GUYS MATCHING BOUTONNIÈRES 💐

regulus

“ah shit i owe the boys twenty galleons, fuck”

resigned, more than anything

he can’t even come out, either cause like, what would that even be?

“guys, i have to tell you something……i’m gay”

“yep. what do you have to tell us??”

you asked him out cause you thought he was gay

and he was just like 😳🤨🤷‍♂️🙂👍

you guys went to fortescue’s!!! 🍦🍨🍧

(he’s def a mint chocolate chip kind of guy i’m just saying)

y’all end up being like, the it couple at hogwarts i don’t make the rules