#NO I COULDNT COME UP WITH A BETTER REASON BECAUSE SHE WAS BEING TOXIC AS FUCK

[chilledstrawberrysoda]

Do you ever just get really hung up on small injustices in your past that aren't THAT big of a deal but we're so pivotal to who you are as a person and felt like the end of the world at the time and everything turned out okay but you still get caught up on the what if of it all occasionally and mourn the person you may have been?

[erasawordsmithofsorts]

this is a really long post and you dont have to read it, its more of a word vomit towards the end but its really detailing my experiences with 5sos c: (its kind of sad but it means a lot to me that i finally put this into words)

i love 5sos. like a lot more than i could put into words. i have such a long and extensive history with this band that its just so much, like.

ive been a fan of 5sos since july 15th, 2014. i was 5/6 years old sitting on the front porch of my grandma's house with this girl i was friends with. she showed me some of their songs and i was in love. i didnt stop listening to them for years, they were my everything. idols, best friends, family, everything. and the only reason i stopped listening to them ever is because of some really heavy traumatic events that happened to me when i was 8-10 years old.

fast forward a few years, i start dating this guy. this guy really liked 5sos, he got me back into 5sos. my brain was so traumatized, it blocked out most of my memories with this band, with the fans of this band, etc. and him getting me to listen to their entire discography? yeah that brought them flooding back.

yet i still stayed, with him and the band again. this guy became really toxic. we argued every night, he blatantly ignored my needs, he got mad at me for getting more 5sos streams than him, he made fun of me for only listening to their old stuff. he acted like i hadnt told him, "hey, some really fucked up things happened to me in 2014-2016 and i forgot pretty much everything from those years so i kind of obsess over them"

but me and this guy were ldr, my mom took my phone, i texted him through a friends' phone. he starts cheating on me. i come back, my mom is having heart surgery, and he tells me i have to break up with him. so i do.

i break up with him, i go through the shit, i get pissed off, i get upset, i cry. i cry a LOT. and for a bit i didnt listen to 5sos. and then i get back into 5sos, because im not gonna change who i am at my very core because some idiot guy who was 'there first' made it about him. i'll make it about me again, i will obsess over it, i will go back to being six years old crying on the front porch with my best friend. i will go back to being a kid who didnt know why people didnt like her.

and i did. im back there, im who six year old me dreamed of being. sure, i have my days where the only thing i can do is cry and try not to hurl myself down a flight of stairs, but im still here arent i? ive made it to the age i always dreamed about being, havent i? im still absolutely in love with the same exact bands, the same exact places, the same exact aesthetics.

5sos is why im me, like that is such a beautiful and poetic thing to me. im still here because of a band, im still here because some guys that at the time were across the world gave me some motivation to keep going? of course im gonna love them. of course im gonna advertise the shit out of them. of course im gonna know every detail i possibly can about them.

like, i mean yeah, i took a little break. but i was forced to by my own brain. and even then, what helped me start healing form that trauma? 5sos. what helped me start healing from that breakup? 5sos.

tw for s/h + suicidal stuff under the cut! its nothing bad bad, just mentions attempts and stuff but its talking about getting better :3 tl;dr in bottom of the cut!

its so weird to say that "this guy who doesnt even know i exist, saved my life" but its true sometimes. like i was in such a bad place when i was younger that i couldnt function. yearly, i was being checked into psych wards. they never helped. i tried therapy, i tried medication. nothing worked.

and then 5sos came back into my life and i finally felt whole again. i finally felt like i was me again. i had been self harming since i was in the third grade, and once you cope like that for so long, its really hard to stop.

but i finally made the decision to get clean, i finally said "enough is enough, i dont want to be like this anymore. i wanna live and be healthy, i wanna live and be happy, i wanna wear shorts, i wanna wear skirts, i wanna wear short sleeves and tanks, i want to wear dresses without sleeves that show my thighs a little. and would ashton or luke or michael or calum really want me to do this to myself? no, no they wouldnt, get your shit together era." and so i did? i got it together, i made my life work. i started looking for the good again, i started behaving like a little kid that knew no bounds again, i started acting my age. i started loving me again. and thats powerful? thats metal as fuck.

the app that i use to track my clean streak has a section for "reasons to stay clean" i have pictures of my friends, my animals, and most importantly, the guys that finally inspired me to pick myself up off the floor and put myself back together.

because i did, i really had to scrounge up the broken pieces. i really had to dig deep and try and piece them back together. and it took work, and im still working on it. and even though ive been clean from s/h for three months, the urges are still there and every time theres just that little voice in my head that takes on ashton's that goes "hey dont, its not the right way." and every time i feel like the world is over, like i dont have anything else, it's always just a reminder.

there will be something else, no matter what theres gonna be something else. no matter what, the suns gonna rise again. no matter what, something good will come of all your pain, all your struggles, all your heartbreak, all the tears. the sleepless nights, the trauma, the guilt, the anger, the fear, the sadness, all of it. it means youre human, it means youre alive. it means good things are gonna happen, you just gotta wait for it. you gotta pick yourself up and keep going. keep fighting, keep running, keep walking. hell if you have to, keep crawling. keep crawling while youre crying. dont look back, youre not going that way. think of how far your faves have come, think of how your younger self wants to know what theyre gonna grow up to be. think.

its not over, it will never be over. pain is human, youre human. youre experiencing life as it was meant to be experienced, its okay to have off days.

tl;dr 5sos + me have been together since i was six and ashton irwin has quite literally kept me alive and from destroying myself mentally and physically for nearly ten years. cool beans bro

[confessions-official]

i have chronic pain. lately, its been getting better (i got a few hours pain free with some new meds a few weeks ago) but last week i had a terrible 10/11 day streak in terrible pain, so i missed school a lot.

i was taliking to my friend about how this other friend didnt go to school, she asked why he didnt come and i said that he told me he didnt feel like it. she then said something along the lines "like you" and i got really mad. she knows i have chronic pain, she knew the past days it got so bad i almost end up in the hospital and i already told her that it makes me feel invalidated when she says that stuff (its not the first time, but we had a talk about it after i got tired of multiple accusitations me of being lazy and taking too much prescibed pain meds), so i said "i was in a lot of pain, you know i hate missing schools, i wouldnt miss just because, i was feeling really bad" (it takes me a lot to catch up and talked about it with her). she then said "yeah right" and scoffed, like she didnt believe.

im so tired of this shit. im in pain 24/7, i always put a happy face and do my 100% but that doesnt mean but im not in pain. and the one time, the one time i take the much needed rest to recover, she calls me lazy and that i dont go to school bc "i feel like it"

maybe im still mad she never apologized for all the other times she got pissy about me not going to school (despite her doing the same without the whole medical reason). and saying "it would make me worse to take the pain meds, it was proven medically" when i take only what the doctor tells me and always leaving the 8 hour period between doses, and when i told her she just keep insisting i should not take so many meds. like do you want me to be in even more pain i already am? sometimes i already bedridden of the pain and you want me to stop the only healthy recommend by professional solution? but then when i feel bad (which hehe, thats exactly what would happen more often without the meds) and take time to rest, then im lazy? im lazy? im not the one falling half the classes bc i never do the homework or study for tests, despite being the one that is in pain all the time. she never apologized for any of this, she never changed, she always dismissed when i told her to stop.

i decided it to stop speaking to her. we talked about this before, more than once, if words dont make it work, then there will be no words. i know its toxic but im really tired of fighting for being believed of my debilitating illness.

yet, today at school, i talked to her like nothing had happen. i dont think she realized how much it hurt what she said yesterday, how much it hurts me when she says stuff like yesterday. and i cant even take distance. i couldnt even asked her to stop saying it.

she didnt even realized i was mad in the first place. i couldnt stay visibly mad at her for her to realize. i couldnt ask her to stop (again) bc i was too afraid she would keep invalidating me like she always does when i try to talk about my illness. and i really want to stop being her friend. but i cant. schools works in close groups, same 28 students for every single class. we became friends bc no one else talked to us and we are partners in everything and we cant change partners, and even if we could, no one would switch with me.

i cant stop being with her. i cant talk with her without her dismissing me. i dont know what to do

 

[bisluthq]

i never understood this mentality of wishing someones relationship to end just to prove a point. she seems happy and thats all that matters. do all of you go up to your friends in happy relationships and start telling them that its gonna end because last time their relationship only lasted xy years and they were happy at the start of it? no! because its strange behavior! relationships arent rock solid, we all know that but you truly cannot compare her relationship with joe and travis. she was 25, turning 26 when her and joe got together, the entire world hated her, she was jumping from relationship to relationship trying to figure out what she actually wants while balancing her career which she genuinely thought was ending. they were playing cat and mouse at the very beginning, she thought he was just playing her and that kind of anxiety stayed in her head throughout the course of the entire relationship…whether it was her being paranoid about him cheating or leaving her because of the media, it was always there. he was her saving grace, her safe place, her best friend. she thought she wouldnt survive the end of the relationship (extremely toxic mindset!). with travis, its very different. shes 34, has been in long enough relationships to know what she wants, what her deal breakers and boundaries are. he was very clear about his intentions from the beginning and he chased her. hes been in the media for a while and has a better understanding of her situation than joe (imo) ever did. this is in no way a perfect relationship cause that simply doesnt exist…youre always gonna have problems and conflicts in relationships but thats just how life works, if you live with someone, build a life together, youre gonna disagree on some things. being able to communicate and compromise is key. from what weve seen, travis is very emotionally intelligent and has no issue expressing how he feels, joe gave me a more guarded vibe (we obviously dont know them so take this with a grain of salt). anyway, the point is: be happy for her, stop trying to predict her future - i truly hope yall are not this anxious in your own relationships because holy shit! i couldnt image being in a happy, healthy place in my life and constantly worrying about the possibility of it all crumbling down. if youre counting down the days till the breakup, you probably shouldnt be in that relationship. oh and also, you can admit to being in a shitty relationship without projecting your feelings about it onto taylor because…thats what this is looking like to me

see, this is also kinda my point. Just let them be happy together. They seem happy together. Good for them. Life doesn’t come with guarantees and a happily ever after. Joe and her were good until they weren’t (and yes it takes a long while to decide you’re unhappy enough to leave something that serious when the reasons are you’re unhappy not that the person Did™️ something). Travis and her are good rn and maybe one day they won’t be but why would we hope/wait for that? Just let her vibe.

[bakubabes-tatakae]

A/N: I hope you all enjoy part 1/4 of my pieces for day four of the anniversary collab for the @konoblog-simps​. You can find all the lovely pieces for the day here! Today’s theme was song pieces, and its full of angst. My heart broke after this piece. 😩 Izaya just deserves love. I’ll be spanning my four pieces throughout the next couple of hours so stay turned. You can find all the days of the collab here!

For the best experience listen to the song while reading the piece. The song title and artist have the link for he music video. 😊

Pairing: Izaya x fem!Reader

Song Choice: Without Me by Chvse

Warnings: alcohol consumption, angst, violence

Word Count: 1.7k

Izaya had never felt this kind of pain before. This man had been beaten senseless, stabbed, and everything in between, but nothing had ever really hurt him as much as heartbreak did. He had been the one to end things, but that was only because he didn’t want to put you in danger anymore. He didn’t want to be the thing that ended your life. But that didn’t stop the thoughts from roaming his head.

“And I don't want nobody else but you

You the girl in my dreams every night

You the reason that I let the sun come through”

You had been the best thing in his life, but he had let his life come in between that. He hadn’t wanted harm to come to you. But just that had happened. All this dealing with the Yakuza had made them take you hostage. They wanted to make him hurt.

So when he had finally gotten you back from them. When he had finally gotten you settled at home he had left, running away with nothing but a note on your nightstand. He couldnt’ bear to tell you to your face that you were better off without him.

You were in his dreams every night since then. Your face haunted every single thought that he had. He told himself day after day that he had to move on, but he couldn’t do that. He wanted you, nobody else.

His thoughts always went back to the countless mornings that you would wake up and roll over to tell him the same thing every time. “You’re the reason that I open those blinds every morning, Izaya.” You’d smile and climb over him, straddling his lap and pressing soft kisses to his cheek. “You’re the reason that I let the sun come through. You’re my light.”

Those words were on repeat in his head. He reached for the beer bottle on his coffee table and took a sip, tightening his grip around the bottle as he fought back the urge to let a tear loose.

“Girl, I'm sorry for the things that I've done

Always starting shit and put you in a dumb mood

Always pushing you away, but I pushed too hard

Now you're gone, what a dumb move

'Cause you're the person I'mma run to”

Izaya’s work had always gotten in the way of your relationship, but you had tried hard not to let that bother you. He knew how hard you tried to ignore it. That didn’t stop him from feeling horrible about it. He had tried to push you away some, despite how much he always regretted himself for it after. He wanted you to make the decision on your own.

He would get angry when you questioned him about when he was going to spend some time with you. He tried to understand where you came from, but his work was his life and he wanted nothing more than to succeed. He wanted to make a better life for not only himself but for you as well. He had gone about that wrong.

His anger would always put you in horrible moods. And when you had left him the first time he should have left you alone.

When you had finally decided that enough was enough he should have left it at that. But something inside him said that he had to have you back. He just couldn’t let you get away. He loved you too much.

You were always the person that he ran to when he needed help. You were the person that he always leaned on. And now you were gone.

“Look, I understand why you had to leave

'Cause I was treating you so bad, that your family

Could see through the fake smile that you had with me

I wish you didn't go, but also know you had to leave”

Izaya had heard the words that your family always spoke. He heard the conversations on the other line. You had been sure that the phone speaker wasn’t loud enough, but he heard them say that you needed to move on.

You would object to their statements. You always did, but he knew that deep down you would think for a long time about them.

They would say that you always seemed like the feelings you had weren’t real. They called your smiles fake and said that you only did them to fool the family. You only wanted them to think that you were truly happy.

Izaya wished that he hadn’t pushed you away that first time, but he knew that it needed to be done. He understood why you had left, but his heart wanted you to be with him.

“'Cause I was toxic, found a way to talk shit

Accusing you of things you didn't do, I know I'm not shit

So leaving me to better you, is better than the option

To stick around with me, I just hate that I caused it

I hate that I caused it”

Izaya had done nearly everything to push you away the first time. He was toxic. He was rude. He played every game he could think of. Izaya even went as far as accusing you of being unfaithful.

He claimed that you had found yourself in the arms of one of his enemies.

So you chose to leave. You told Izaya that you needed to better yourself. You needed to get away. You weren’t going anywhere or doing anything with your life being with him.

You were beginning to see that sticking around with him was the worst option.

He hated that he made you feel that way, but he couldn’t do anything about how he felt about himself. He hated that he had wanted to put you in that position. But you would have been better off without him.

“'Cause I don't wanna hurt you

But I know I will

And I'm looking for the reason

For the way I feel

I didn't wanna lose you

But if I'm being real

Then you're better off without me”

He could feel himself slipping away from you and that’s when he knew that he needed to do what he did. He knew that eventually he would hurt you worse than he had ever wanted too. Worse than just heartbreak.

But Izaya never truly understood why he felt that way. He didn’t know why he knew that he would hurt you. He just knew.

So in the note that he left you on your nightstand he said “You’re better off without me.”

And it was the worst thing he had ever written in his life. The worst thing he had ever said to someone. And he truly meant it. No one could change his mind. Your life meant more to him than his own.

“I never really fell in love until I met you

'Cause that day out at the cabin, I felt something special

3 a.m, vibing, drinking beer on the couch

Remember? I was scared to even cuddle with you”

Flashbacks of how you met filled his head, another swig from the beer bottle filled his throat. The small feeling of forgetting starting to take over. That’s all he wanted to do. These memories were too painful.

When you had come to the cabin with a couple of friends of his and they had introduced you, he hadn't expected to be obsessed. But he was.

Everyone had gone to sleep, the two of you had been the only ones left in the living room, and he had never been more nervous in his life.

You hadn’t hidden your attraction to him. You made it very obvious in the hours after you had met.

You had looked at the clock as you both drank the last of the beers that were sitting on the small coffee table. Three in the morning. The fire burned in the fireplace and your laughs filled the room.

Izaya couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this way. The last time he had truly felt love.

Izaya had never been as nervous as he was right now. He was normally the tough guy. He had never had a problem showing affection for a woman he liked. But you were different.

You noticed his hesitation and went in yourself. Before you could even stop yourself, your body moved. You straddled his hips and pushed him back into the couch. Your lips pressing together as Izaya placed his hands on your hips. His fear almost instantly watching away.

“My heart's breaking 'cause I love you and I miss you

I'm thinking about the times where I'd cuddle and I'd kiss you

But I understand that I got a lot of issues

I just hope you know that it ain't easy to forget you”

Izaya shook his head, trying to get the memory to leave him. “Fuck.” He grasped the bottle tighter in his hand and down the last swig. “I miss her.”

Before he even realized what was happening the bottle soared from his hand, a scream leaving him at the same time.

A light switched on in the hallway and a figure appeared in the doorway of the living room. Namie had a sleepy, puzzled look on her face as she checked on her boss. “Izaya?”

Izaya rubbed his eyes and gave her a weak smile. “Everything’s fine Namie. Go back to bed.”

She gave him a worried look before turning back to head to her room. She knew better than to push Izaya when he was like this.

“I just-“ His voice was a whisper as he picked up his phone. He didn’t want to say anything else and have Namie come back out.

Izaya opened his messages, his finger instinctively finding your name and typed out a message he had never meant to send. Alcohol made him hit that button and made him throw his phone across the room after.

So when your phone lit up and you opened the message, your heart broke for him.

Izaya 💞 2:36am

I miss you so fucking much.

Taglist: @monic00l​ @strangeinternetwasteland​ @rowley-with-ackerman​ @kyu-pine​ @ellechanwrites​ @bonnisimpparker​ @impinthecloset​ @nikiniki743​

©bakubabes-hatake’s original content, please do not repost/modify without my permission

[mego42]

Hi, since you seem more positive/excited about the triangle possibility than a fair amount of people, can you talk more about why? I fall into "the not thrilled about the possibility, but have a little hope it could result in some good moments" group and would love some more reasons to not dread it. Thanks! And love your writing and love reading your tags :)

hey anon!! i am v sorry you are not thrilled and am always happy to shriek nonsense about why i’m excited (though idk how much it will help bc the tl;dr is more or less i’m hype for a triangle bc i am an incredibly messy bench who lives for drama and if you are not a similarly messy bench, ymmv)

don’t get me wrong, i super understand the trepidation, pop culture is LITTERED with absolute shite examples of love triangles but here is an incomplete list of reasons i personally think beth and rio are the perfect kind of disaster to set up a spectacular love triangle:

the existence of a triangle implies there are FEELINGS at the various points

the use of the descriptor "romantic" applied to said triangle implies ROMANTIC feelings

i am a simple woman and my pulse has already picked up

one of my absolute most favorite things about the toxic stew that is beth and rio is how completely balls to the wall obsessed they are with having and holding each other’s attention and focus

like straight up possessive nightmare people

now imagine wedging an actual rival for one or the other’s attention between the two of them

(something we have not reeeeeally seen before, 206 withstanding and i’ll come back to that, bc lbr beth doesn’t give a fck about dean and rio’s known that for sure ever since he walked LITERALLY RIGHT PAST THE GUY to rail his wife in a public bathroom at her invitation)

(the 204 proximity point has nothing to do with this list it’s just a source of endless delight and that was enough for me to justify adding it)

where was i

mmmmm feelings, possessive nightmares, OH RIGHT

they are also nightmares in the sense that it appears to be physically impossible for them to use their words with each other unless it’s like, ripped out of them which means they’re sitting on ALL THE BAGGAGE between them and it’s just stewing and boiling and

wait, let me back up

look, i want brio sex as bad as the next person

but even more than brio sex? i want them to fight

i mean like, Fight fight

i want the kind of knockdown drag-out brawl that brings Stuff to the surface and leaves them with a bunch of nasty, ragged, pieces dragged out into the light bc lbr they’ve both done some incredibly awful things to each other

(kind of like what 213 was looking like before it all went to shit tbh)

(i’m just saying, beth saying you put it all on me with that kind of jagged, disbelieving betrayal behind it? my catnip)

(it’s up there with rio at the picnic table in 306 telling her that ship sailed when she put three slugs in him)

i live for them being raw and honest and emotional okay

IF ONLY THEY COULD BOTH DO IT AT THE SAME TIME

bc here’s the thing, for the magnitude of horrifying shit between the two of them? i (personally) think that they like it because they are so! twisted! when it comes to each other and i love that for me, specifically

like no seriously a huge part of what i love about the ship is that whole i see your monster and it looks like mine thing they’ve got going on when they let themselves and i am full on foaming at the mouth feral at the thought of them leaning into that

i’m sorry i’ve lost the thread again

wait no that was the thread

okay so basically they’re both ticking time bombs of smothered angst and rage who are absolutely incapable of being normal about each other but are also keeping all of that locked tf down and the only time we ever really see it come out is when one o them is too emotionally overwhelmed to keep their iron grip

you know what brings emotions to the surface?

TRIANGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SEETHING MESS OF EMOTION THAT HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BRING TO THE SURFACE??????

AND HOW UTTERLY UNEQUIPPED EITHER ONE OF THEM WOULD BE TO DEAL WITH ANY OF IT????????

AND HOW SIDEWAYS IT COULD EXPLODE???????????

like don’t get me wrong there is absolutely no way it’s gonna be pretty but i didn’t get on this busted ass carnival ride expecting nice things, i am in this to feEl stuFf and nothing makes me feel stuff more than seeing the two of them feel stuff and this is  perfect set up for that

you know how they say the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference?

you know what’s not indifference? big messy emotions

but okay okay okay i am icarus and the sun looms large, lets say they don’t fight, that doesn’t mean they’re not gonna feEl stuFf on their own

do you remember beth’s face in the van when rio hugged dylan??? do you?????

and what did she do after that? went out and robbed him blind and held his shit hostage until he caved in what is one of my top 10 of all of their scenes

and god, idk if we’ve really seen rio really get jealous of attention lavished on beth yet but when i think about it i want it so bad my teeth hurt

and i know i’m not alone here bc i have i think 3 jealous!rio prompts in my inbox rn

(i’m not saying i’m working on it but i’m also not not saying it)

god i just

can you imagine how much fun it could be to watch rio seethe over having to watch someone else be into beth

WHAT WOULD HE DO?????????

ESP IF HE COULDNT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT DIRECTLY BC ITS SOMEONE HE CAN’T INTERFERE WITH

oh christ and if beth responded to it??????????

oh gOD thE mESS

idk even if it doesn’t lead to a confrontation (but i feel like??? it would have to????) just the idea of the kinds of feelings they’d have to grapple with and confront within themselves is D E L I C I O U S

also, to jump back to an earlier point: brio sex

i know some people are feeling like the sexy chemistry between beth and rio is lacking this season

you know what’s great for chemistry? fuel

you know what provides great fuel? messy emotional situations that tug at intimate connections and make people feel out of control

you know what’s a messy emotional situation that tugs at intimate connections and make people feel out of control? 

you probably guessed it

A TRIANGLE

(and we know that neither of them does well with feeling out of control period at all even without the intimate emotional stuff mixed in so like oh boy)

listen i am just saying given where they’re currently at with each other i cannot think of any situation more ripe for an explosive hook up than one or both of them feeling driven to reassert their claim/mark on the other 

would it be nice? no, probably not

would i care? not even a little bit

(don’t you judge like any of y’all are any better than me)

look. to quote marie kondo horrifically out of context: i love mess and the mess potential in a romantic love triangle with beth and rio as two of the three points is stratospherically high.

[tomdiddlyumptious]

Hey! If your uncomfortable please ignore this ask, but i was wondering if you could write something similar to malcome & marie? Thank you! Happy belated birthday!

Thank you baby! I actually thought about this ask for a bit. As a community we do NOT support or want anything like that in our lives, okay?

But if you as a reader would be uncomfortable with reading this then do not.

this will be kinda very similar to the plot of malcome & marie sooo....

Pairings: Film creator!tom x used to be sex worker!reader

WE SUPPORT SEX WORKERS. YOU ARE GOLDEN😩🙌🏽

Summary: after a celebration its time for the downfall

Warnings: argueing, slut shamming, smut mentions. Drinking, smoking. Not proof read. TOXIC- suicide mention.

I hopw this is just as confusing as it was in the actual movie, cuz yeah. Pls dont be shy to say something about it. And tbh if it isnt that good to you i dont blame you, its currently 11:16 and i should be asleep.

You and tom walked in, a wide smile on his face as he danced around and shut the front door behind him. “Baby i did it!”

A faint smile played on your lips as you walked to the kitchen “yes you did, tom. You hungry?” You asked, opening the fridge as he went to go get a bottle of remy and two glasses, the rings shinning bright on his finger. “Yeah, can i have uh-“ he thought, stopping in his tracks and jerking his head as he couldnt think of anything.

“How about pancakes?” He randomly said and you chuckled “pancakes? Really?” “Of course! A sweet treat for a very sweet day” he walked up to the kitchen placing the glasses and the remy down.

You laughed again before taking out the pan, he also got to work by getting out the mix and the water while you got everything else. A cigarette in your mouth as tom helped light it while you mixed up the powder with the water.

“I never knew i could make it so far” he muttered, grabbing the remy and pouring it into the glass, tilting his head back and letting out a small moan from the sting in his throat. “You did a good job”

“Ya know, everyone is so judgemental, like i could walk around with my shoes untied and somebody would fucking give me a glare- or even what you call it. a stank eye” you nodded at his words letting him know you were listening, “but when i made that fucking movie i had all these women just- i cant even explain it” he shrugged, walking around the house with the glass in his hand, a wide smile on his face while you sighed and puffed out the smoke, the sizzle from the mix going on the buttered pan audible before he speaked again.

“They just kept on telling me how fucking talented i am, how i get women so fucking well. I mean goddamn im such a fucking genius” he edged on, cocky as he stomped his feet at his words,’ such, a, fucking, genius’

“Yes you are tommy” you looked down and seen the mix bubbling, taking the spatula and flipping the pancake, shifting and leaning on your right leg as your dominant hand sat on your hip, the other holding onto the cig.

“But it’s confusing. Any other time they would probably fucking- what do you call it” he snapped his fingers before taking a sip. “Aha! Fucking cancel me!” He pointed at the ceiling. “Why would they do that tommy” you lifted your eyebrow, “youre only writing a good story” you sighed, looking at the plates and rubbing a mark that was left on them.

“People now days do it just because....just because their bored- or even because they dont like them- BUT-“ he lifted his finger towards you “they have no reason to”

“Mhm, you should wait for the reviews” you took the cigarette and put it in the ash tray, taking the fire out before putting the pancake on the plate.

“They have to be good! I can make fucking millions off of this” he smiled, quickly walking over before chugging his drink.

“Yes...yes you can” “and then we could buy a fucking island, a boat and even a horse!” He laughed, amazed and he set down the glass before coming behind you, pressing kisses to your neck as he watched you put the batter on the pan again.

“What makes you want a horse?” “What makes you think about reviews?” And with that you shrugged “just because a few reporters and new york news writers like it doesnt mean that everyone will”

“Why are you being so negative? Goddamn you bring the worst out of everything y/n” he let you go, and you looked at him, giving him the famous eyes.

“The worst? How about you go fuck yourself” you said, aggressively grabbing the spatula to flip the pancake. “Go fuck myself? Whats your problem”

You stayed silent, wondering if you should just go outside and smoke another cigarette or hear him bitch and moan. “Y/n you have a problem every other fucking day. I try to talk to you but you dont. You rather talk shit and let it marinate” he rested his hands on his hips and starred at you while you bit your lip and put the pancake on the plate, grabbing the syrup you put the right amount for him before aggressively walking to the table and slamming it down.

Your heels clanking against the floor as you made your way to the bathroom. Leaving tom by his self as he let out a harsh sigh and rubbed his chin, thinking about what he should do before finally grabbing a fork to eat his breakfast.

“You know. You do the same shit every night- you curse me out then the next hour you wanna suck my dick or something” you starred at yourself in the mirror, biting the side of your cheek before you took of the heels, then coming back out.

“How dare you, thomas” you said harshly, walking back to him and watching him eat the pancakes. “How about you be fucking mature and stop eating”

“No. I dont wanna fight” he shrugged, cutting the pancakes fancy before he placed them in his mouth. “Your such a fucking bitch” your eyes squinted as you leaned forward.

His eyebrows raised and he cleared his throat “a bitch?” He let out a loud laugh, tilting his head before coming back “i think we both know whos the bitch here”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” “Oh you know exactly what im talking about” and with that your jaw basically droppped to the floor “why are you suprised?”

“Have you ever thought-“ you caught your words before repeating them “im the reason why youre gonna get millions, if i was never there for you. If you were never in my life youd still be in that house that you hated so fucking much” you walked closer.

“Trust me baby you were apart of it, but you sure as hell werent the main character” “then please-please tell me who else was doing sex for money?” You asked, and he didn’t answer, instead continued to eat the pancakes.

That made you more aggressive, quickly walking to the table and snatching the plate. “How dare you have to nerve to talk shit about me while you eat what i made you”

“Fuck you y/n” “no fuck you!” He dropped the fork, his face becoming a shade of red. “Im the reason why youre in this fucking house right now, im the reason why you have that fucking ring on your finger” you said, then put your fingers on your ring.

“Dont you fucking dare take off that 50,000 thousand ring y/n” “why shouldnt i?” “Because you love me dont you, darling?” that made you soften up a bit, taking your fingers off the ring as he smiled, telling you to come over. He sat you on his lap, taking the cigarette out of his jacket that youre wearing, grabbing the lighter from his pocket.

You put the cigarette in your mouth and he repeated the same action, lighting it for you. “I love you y/n”

“Mhm” you smiled, taking out the cigarette to press your lips on his and he rubbing your hips, the passion over the tension in the room. “Oh well i thought the movie was shit, i uh- couldnt help but think thats not how it ends” you teased with an old grandma accent and he laughed.

“Yeah i did to, how does man get with a prostitute and marry them” he teased back making you both laugh. “The movie felt so real, it reminded me of my friend miranda” you playfully said with a more younger high pitched voice.

And it went back and forth, laughs leaving both of your lips until he pushed the buttons “man she really was a thot” your eyebrows furrowed as he laughed to his self. “Man he really was desperate for a blow job” you said in your serious voice “man i wonder why he hooked up with such a thot”

“I didnt mean it like that-“ “fuck you” you got off his lap and walked back to the bathroom. “Here you go again y/n!” He shouted, and you turned back around.

“Your so fucking selfish” “we werent even talking about that-“ “no fuck you. All you do is say i-i-i” you yelled, words strong. He stood up agitated “you know what you wanna argue, lets argue”

“You gave up on me” “if i gave up on you why would i marry you” “our love was strong in the beginning and then you just-became you” you looked at him up and down.

“That was because i was in love with your body” he smiled “really? Why didnt you just leave me on the fucking street!” You yelled again, “because I thought you deserved better, maybe you should still be in that fucking old apartment with fucking big ass rats running through it, men twice your age fucking your loose ass whole”

“FUCK YOU” you shouted pointing at him “maybe i shouldve used that sloopy mouth of yours to stay on my dick so you could stay shutting up” “NO FUCK YOU THOMAS” and with that you walked away, into the room this time before tom followed behind you.

“Please leave me the fuck alone before i flip out on you, please just leave” “no”

“You know what. I feel like once you feel like you gave everything they wanted and more you expect them to stay with your sorry ass” “oh im not sorry. And thats not true” he shrugged, standing infront of the door as you sat on the bed. “Im so embarrassed to call you my husband” you shook your head.

“Why shouldnt i be embarrassed to call you my wife?” He shrugged again, leaning against the door looking at you. “If it werent for me you wouldn’t be as happy as you are now” “what makes you think im happy y/n! Im really not” “and you think i am?!” You looked up at him, getting up and walking to him but he continued to back up, until you both were in the open hallway with a table in the middle of it.

“I was never happy in the first place” you said, eyes starting to tear up. “Dont give me fucking alligators-“ “do you know how embarrassing it is for someone to tell you to get your own fucking ride home because you wanna fuck someone else?” You asked, your voice changed as you wiped under your eye, smuding the makeup.

“I had to ask Harrison to give me a ride home. I was scared tom” you sighed, shoulders becoming slump. “What if i ran into somebody i fucked? And they forced me to have sex with them again or else theyd report me to the police?” You asked, breaking down and falling to the floor while tom watched, guilt and shame all ocer his face as he leaned against the table.

“I watched you with my two own eyes make out with someone then the next day you asked me to ride you. But you wanna slut shame me for being broke and needing to survive, that broke me so much. And i did it” you choked “i gave consent everytime, brusied my knees from getting on them for you. Just to make you happy. I let you get full of yourself and now its all about you” you whispered and he came down to you, holding you and pressing kisses on your hair while you broke down more, hiding away from him. “You let me stay out there on Christmas day” a frown met on his lips, thinking back on the day and how you were probably reallty cold, he knew you couldnt stand it.

“And i gave consent to getting married to you, your such a hoe” he couldnt help but chuckle “no seriously your a hoe to feeds for attention” you made eye contact with him, and then you both broke into laughs, sniffels leaving your lips causally but easily ignored knowing you feel slightly better.

And with that you both beard his phone ding, well multiple dings. You told him to answer it, check it. And it was a review, he stood up and helped you up, walking to the livingroom before going over to grab the glasses and remy, pouring it in both cups you both took one.

“Alright, this is from whats her name....janice!” He said, sitting on the couch and you sat between his legs in the floor, sipping the drink. “Overall the movie was great. But there was a few things that werent right in my opinion-“

With that his eyebrows furrowed, you played with the carpet as you waited for him to continue, he leaned forward with his elbow on his knee using his thumb to scroll. “I couldnt understand why the character had all these strange things about her, why the sex scenes were that necessary”

“Ding ding ding”

“Shut up y/n you arent helping- i don’t understand how jhon and candy got along and became freinds if they continue to have intercourse. What the fuck are you talking about? Bla bla bla” he muttered, skimming through it “how candy and ron got along? Shouldnt they be together of they clicked so well?”

A small laugh left your lips “me and Harrison? That wouldnt be so bad”

“How in the world did they get married? Honestly the whole relationship is toxic, but i see it as they were to late to give it up, they were already in a too tight knot. Thats not true we are madly in love with each other” he jerked his head at the phone.

“Ms janice does have a point” you cleared your throat a bit. “Y/n please. Ms janice has no fucking idea what shes talking about jhon and candy are in love with each other and they have problems sometimes....well most but oh well its not to late either one of them couldve got up and go”

“Not if one loved more then the other and it was to late to go, janice is right tom” you crossed your arms.

“Do you wanna-“ “no tom i dont. Just speaking my opinion, coming from a woman your being pretty harsh about it” “well it wasnt really about candy-“

“That doesnt make any sense, shes the main fucking character” you looked at him. “It was more on how jhon viewd candy” “then why was candy always in camera”

“Because...” he shrugged. “Your so dumb” you got up and sat far away from him on the couch, he eyed you in confusion “isnt that fucking movie based off of my life. Like im some type of experiment and you solved made something out of it” you dozed off, swirling the remy in your glass. “Im not feeding into this” he ignored you, until you got up and barked at him, which he looked at you as if you were crazy before doing it back “fucking prick!” You stomped off out of the livingroom and went outside.

“Fuckin-“ he couldnt come up with anything before he let out something random “fuckin mood swinger-“ you finally took the time to take off your makeup and dress, muttering words about him “thats why he stinks, smellin like a gorrila- asshole- man whore” you took a bath too, you didnt feel your best at the moment.

Tom on the other hand just took off his shoes and aggressively stomped on the pillows, throwing a tantrum and jumping on the couch and punching air, kicking it until he accidentally fell.

By time you were dont he thought about it “harsh?” He questioned and walked into the room, finding you reading a book on the bed with the night light on and a cigarette in your mouth.

“Y/n?” “Yes thomas?” You looked up at him “harsh?” He asked and you tilted your head at him “i wasnt being harsh about it” “mhm” you shut your book and set it on te night stand, he undressed until he was in his underwear and climbed into bed with tou.

“How was i being harsh about it” you sighed and rested the cigarette in the ashtray, not putting it out just yet. “You arent really aware of others feelings tommy” you said simply. “What does that mean?” He asked, crossing his arms and sitting up next to you, both backs against the headboard and he looked at you.

“It meas i loved you more then you loved me” his eyebrows furrowed at the statement “that cant be true” “tom it is. You didnt say it but you did. You only wanted me for my body. My love and soul came later and i was to blind to notice. That was my bad”

“Loved?” He questioned. “I think i started to love you less and got on a even level with you, then we built together” you shrugged, crossed a leg over your other one and crossing your arms to. He let out a small laugh, “you know i never understood why jhon died in the end and why candy committed suicide” you said and his heart sunk a bit low.

He cleared his throat before saying something “i know you’re afraid of losing me, y/n. I never told you this but ive read your journal” he nodded his head and you bit your lip, knowing every single letter you wrote and how much it sucked thinking back about those days.

“I know how much you loved me but hated me. But something really grabbed my heart. ‘I want to keep tom, hes like my soulmate. My hearts gotton closer by every minute and moment ive been with him. Even though i feel like ive been burned by some of the things hes done, id forever love him. Losing him would be like losing me entirely’”

“I still don’t understand” you mutter, silently wondering how he knew word by word. “I took advantage of that. Because when i was done reading it i knew it was true, it is true. I couldnt feel it in my heart, thats why i picked you up and took care of you. I noticed you really care for me and ive done nothing but asked you to suck me off, i thought i was making both of us happy by giving you what you needed, or wanted. I became so happy when we got closer, you told me about your new apartment and i was so excited, but it wasn’t because of me entirely. I wanted you to myself. I needed you to myself and you needed it too. So if you lost me you would lose everything, give up on love.” Everything he said was true, it wasnt what you wanted to hear but he needed you to hear the truth.

“So candy gave up on it” he shrugged “she didnt try because there was no need to, she didn’t think anyone else would love her, ‘without tom i have no one else, i know ive done some un speakable thigns with him but i can tell by his eyes and heart that he wants something, he just wont tell me’” he smiled, quoting off of your journal again with a smile on his lips. “Thats why i try every time to keep this relationship strong, go to therapy with you, kiss you and tell you how beautiful you are everyday, cook you breakfast when i know your trying to do something new”

“So youre only doing this because you dont want me to kill myself?” “No y/n. I did it at first but then i opened my eyes and noticed how much i really fucking love you” he uncrossed his arms and reached for your hand. “And i know you love me too, on a even page” you both shared a crooked smile, using your free hand and grabbing the cigarette and putting it to your lips. The time currently 4:30 in the morning as he reached for the cig, your eyebrows furrowed as you let him take it. “Since when do you smoke?”

“Since i had too much of your bullshit” “shut up” you both laughed, slapping his chest as he handed it back, a small laugh leaving his lips. “Im sorry for giving you such a headache” he muttered and you ignored it, putting out the cigarette and turning off the night light, keeping your distance from him you got under the covers and shut your eyes, and he did the same, turning away from you so you are back to back.

A smell of bacon filled your nose when you woke up, a faint smile on your lips as you got up, walking to the kitchen and finding thomas cooking.

“Whats the special occasion?” “I know youre trying something new”

[lemonchickenwing]

If you’re still doing the character ask thingy, what about Victoria? I’m always interested in hearing peoples opinions about her!! .0.

Hello, ggphrhhgk

Send me a character and I will tell you my

First impression: When I first got introduced to her, I felt a very strong relation to her as a whole, and I geniunely used to believe I relate to her a whole lot. Needless to say, I felt very upset and sad over how the fandom hated her and felt as though I was insulted too, because the fandom back then would try to justify the hate by pointing out her calm and passionless behavior and lack of talents as the reasons to hate her which kinda stung me as someone who has the same traits. I say I "used to" because now i realize i am not really as kind and sweet and absolutely Not as strong as her so i feel like i shouldnt say i relate to her

Impression now: Not really much changed tbh, I still think she's cool but I also understand more that Victoria is incredibly strong, bold and passionate, I just failed to notice that. she just shows that in her own way which is endearing and lovely. Honestly I feel as though I discover more things about her that I didnt notice before and its 2022.. Victoria has a very strong inner compass and backbone, and I, I never noticed that but now I do and I feel just so blown away by her. She comes across as bland because of her patience and gentle nature but she is So strong: she never became like her parents despite having been under their close control and supervision her whole life, she dreamt since childhood about love and she never gave up on her dream even though there were so many things that could push her to the point of giving up. She never was emotionally dependant on others to the point of being toxic, and wasnt pursuing her dreams out of desperation; she pursuied her dreams but without giving up her inner values and without giving in to her desires. When she fell in love with Victor she didnt jump at him in hopes he'd "save" her despite her having struggles, she cared about his feelings and let him feel safe with her instead. She didnt make things about her only - she made it about both of them because she took Victor's struggles into consideration, even though she had a lot of issues herself. Even with her family, Victoria was so patient and understanding toward her parents, she didnt immediately give up on them; when she realized Victor is gone she willingly agreed to marry Barkis because she stayed loyal to her duty (I understand that part is questionable, but it still characterizes Victoria as loyal and understanding). Imagine how strong one has to be that even after they lost what they wanted most, they didnt become selfish or petty and still tried to be kind and to do what is right . (in other words, Victoria's parents didnt deserve her). And, Victoria isnt bland or brainwahsed, she is passionate about something or someone she cares a lot for, her ways of showing are just Not typical. She was ready to do Anything for Victor, after all. Victoria is so great because she is honest with what she wants and at the same time she.. doesnt cling or take over other's life, she respects the person she connects with, too.

Favorite moment: The moment when Victoria said everything she thought about Barkis right in his face was a cherry on top.. And she didnt lash out on him or start screamng, she only said a few lines, but those lines were so perfect, she couldnt have said it better.

Idea for a story: I spent my gray matter on articulating how great her character is.. I believe there are people out there who have a lot of great content about her

Unpopular opinion: Well err.. I already voiced it in previous points, but I do believe she really has a lot of personality and character and she is passionate and determined, but she is also very respectful and kind and people seem to confuse it with "blandness" -I cant help but feel like a lot of people tend to sleep on her because she represents healthy relatinship and love, because most people are used to uhealthy relationships and traumatic experiences and going through stressful interactions, so something gentle and healthy they see as 'boring'..

Favorite relationship: Victoria and Victor for reasons that are probably obvious.. A love and relationship based on mutual respect and understanding, patience and gently nughing each other in the right direction, not a desperate unhealthy romance based on being in love with the idea of love itself and partners fighting because of mostly thinking about their own feelings instead of other's feelings. Also Victoria and Emily relationship is very good too, also because of how Emily was. how she grew from resentment based on her emotions and being overwhelmed with sadness and upsetness to letting go of said feelings and seeing Victoria not as a rival or enemy but as someone she relates to

Favorite headcanon: Mmm.. maybe that Victoria learnt to make art from Victor before she learned to play piano, and the first piece of art she made was portrait of Emily

[brelione]

Toxic PT 2 (Rafe Cameron X Reader)

Request:plz make a part 2 to toxic!!!!

Pt 1

Warnings:Smut,unhealthy relationships.

He had stayed awake for hours that night.He had tried calling you at least 20 times only for you to block his number.He had decided that enough was enough, getting dressed in actual clothes before quietly leaving his house and starting his drive to yours.

He hadnt been to your house in two weeks, you had claimed that it was too messy and that you didnt really want him to be there.He pulled into your driveway,seeing the red lights on through your window.

He had no idea why you liked the red lights so much but he figured you just had them because you could.He remembered the first time he had been over your house.

It had been a ‘date’.You two sat on your bed, scrolling through netflix.Your room was lit with the red led lights that were sticking to your wall, the remote not too far away. “Wait,wait...wait, hold on.Can I change the color?”He had asked, giggling like a child when you said yes.He had pressed all the buttons, making purple and blue before settling on a cotton candy pink. “Are you done?”You had asked, laughing at how excited he had been over colored lights.He nodded, finally handing you the remote back.

He got out of his truck,trying his best not to slam the door.He knew that your parents had gone to the mainland for the weekend.He reached under one of your plants to find the spare key,opening your door.

You had told him where it was in case of emergencies.You were his go to person whenever he got into an argument with Ward and didnt want to be at his house for a moment longer, instead driving to your house for a kiss, a hug and sex.

He licked his lips nervously, sighing before making his way upstairs and into your room, opening the door.It felt like it had been forever since he had sat on your bed with your body resting against him, his arms around your waist.

It had been long since you guys had even had a nice little moment like that, cuddling and innocent kisses.He loved sex but he still missed those little joys of the relationship.His eyes widened at what he saw.

You were on your bad in just your bra and underwear, the red light making your room look like the pits of hell.You turned to look at Rafe,sitting up and glaring at him.

 “What the fuck are you doing here?I blocked you for a reason, get the fuck out!”You shouted at him.Of course you were mad at him.It wasnt really mad about him cheating, you were more mad about who he had cheated on you with.Anyone else you could understand but you couldnt understand Ellie.

Even if he was high or drunk or whatever excuse he had.She was a total bitch.You didnt even consider Rafe your boyfriend, you had considered him more of a friend with benefits since you guys had began to drift emotionally.

He gulped,feeling himself beginning to shake. “I just-i want-want to fix things.”He mumbled, taking in a deep breath. “Yeah?You should’ve thought about that before you fucked Ellie.You think I give a shit about you,Rafe?You’re stupider than I thought, youre just my fuck buddy.Now get out of my house before I call the cops.”You glared up at him, watching his eyes fill up with tears.

He shook his head, trying to speak. “No,no you cant-you love me.You do!Have you been lying this whole time?”Tears rolled down his face,trying to breath but forgetting how.You licked your lips, leaning back on the mattress.You knew how this would end, with his cock buried inside of you as he tried to convince you that he actually cared about you.

 “Rafe, I dont love anyone.That includes you, okay?Its not my fault that you have a thing for me, thats on you.Its your fault for fucking some other bitch, understand?”You asked, not missing the way that his eyes flicked down to your slightly parted legs. 

“But….but you care about me?Dont you?”He asked but it sounded more like a sob.You sighed,shrugging. “Rafe, you know I dont give two shits about anybody.You’re just a good fuck, alright?”You needed him to understand.

You could tell that he was breaking apart right in front of you and it pulled at your heart strings as you watched him cry.You wanted to love him but it just didnt seem possible. “Stop crying, Rafe.”You stood up, wiping the salty tears from his face. “So….so are we done?Are we...we cant...we’re not fucking anymore?”He asked,making you laugh quietly.

 “No feelings attached, understand?”You asked.This was probably one of the worst things you had ever done.You were most definitely a toxic person and that was as clear as the water at the private beaches.

He nodded,sniffling a bit before blinking away the tears that were building up in his blue eyes.You stood on your tip toes, kissing him gently.He melted under your touch,his hands touching your waist lightly almost like he was scared he would break you.

He really loved you, he was positive that he did.He just couldnt figure out how to show it.You slowly stepped backwards,bringing him with you as you laid on the bed,your legs wrapping around his waist.You pulled away,leaving kisses and hickeys down his neck.He let out a soft moan, obsessed with the way you felt against his body.

He was obsessed with you in general, the way you made him feel was absolutely insane.His eyes focused on your face, you were now straddling him, the red light hitting your cheekbones beautifully.He didnt know when his shirt was pulled off, your eyes falling down to the hickies that Ellie had left.

 “Hmm...she’s not too good at that.”Your finger tips grazed his chest,stopping at every hickey the girl had left.He nodded, agreeing. “You’re so much better...she just wanted to make you mad.”He leaned up for a kiss only for you to push him back down,your hand on his throat. 

“I know, seems like she made you more mad though.”You looked over to your door, noticing the small dents the two of you had made.It only took a few more moments for the two of you to be completely naked,Rafe turning the two of you over so he could be in control.

He didnt need to take out anger, he just wanted to be gentle this time.He wanted to make you feel good so he could apologize, wanting to enjoy this with you now in case this was his last time being in your bed.He slid in and out of you slowly, hitting all the spots deep inside of you.He wanted to whisper that he loved you over and over again.

No feelings attached,he remembered,instead just resting his head in the crook of your neck as you tugged at his hair.He was trying not to cry,biting hard on his lip to hold back the tears,pressing his body against yours, clinging onto you like a life line. 

“Rafe...Rafe,please….please go faster.”You whimpered,your legs around his waist, trying to urge him to go faster. “Hmm….why should I?”He grinned,looking down at you.You rolled your eyes, gripping his jaw. “Because you love me,dont you?”You asked.He gulped,nodding.

 “Then why dont you want me to feel good?Dont you want me to feel good,daddy?”You pouted,grinning when you saw his eyes widen.He was quick to speed up,pulling out so his tip was barely grazing your entrance before slamming in,his eyes rolling back at the scream you let out. 

“Fuck, Rafe.”You whimpered,nails scratching red lines into his back. “You’re so tight….you feel so good.”He moaned,nails digging into your hips. “Did Ellie feel this good?”You asked,tugging at his hair so he’d look up at you. “No...never.”He answered, leaning down to kiss you gently. 

“I know.”You bit down on his lip,able to tell that he was close. “Im gonna cum.”He was bruising the skin of your thighs but you didnt care. “Hold it.”You told him.He looked surprised, never hearing that from you before. “What?”He asked.

 “Hold it.”You repeated,turning him onto his back, fingertips pressing into his throat as you rolled your hips against him. “Please.”He clenched his eyes shut, in physical pain from his need to finish. “Nope, you fucked another girl.You dont deserve it.”You answered, squeezing harder on his throat as you came,getting off of him.

He was angry, staring down at his still hard cock. “But-but what about me?”He asked as you panted,getting your panties back on. “You should’ve thought about that before.You should go, ive got things to do.”You pulled on a pair of short shorts, not bothering to put on a bra as you pulled a thin yellow shirt on.

He had seen the shirt on his floor before, peeling it off of your body and throwing it to the floor.He felt tempted to look through your closet for any of his clothes, any proof that you had once been his.

He had plenty of your stuff, a small stuffed animal, a gold ring that he often wore on his pinkie, sunglasses that you had left at his poolside.He kept your stuff mainly to reassure himself that you were an actual person and that you guys were actually together.He had wondered if you did the same, knowing that you probably didnt but wanted a solid answer anyways.

 “What?”He asked,his voice cracking.You sighed,putting your hair into a bun, sliding on your shoes. “You heard me, Rafe.”You replied,handing him his shorts from your floor.He was still shaking as he pulled on his clothes, his hair disheveled and his face red.

 “So- so tomorrow?Like, you’ll come over tomorrow and we can do some stuff.”He played with his fingers anxiously, taking in a deep breath. “Okay.”You answered, tying your converse. “Okay...um...will you unblock me?”He asked, tapping his foot on the floor.You shook your head, telling him to leave.

He closed your door, trying not to think too much as he got into his truck, staring up at your window,seeing you leaning your elbows on the window sill,smoking a blunt.

He knew that relationships should never be like this you were as toxic as they come but he just couldnt get enough of you.It really did suck but it was just the way things were and he’d have to learn to accept it, backing out of your driveway.

@sexytholland​ @28cnn​  @popcrone818​ @fttayla​ @cherryobx​ @n1ghtsh4d3-67​ @drewstarkeyobx​ @poguestyleskye​ @judayyyw​ @jjtheangel​ @jj-iz-bae​

@sunwardsss @meaganjm​  @sarcasticsagittarius1998​ @natalie-kate-98​ @nxsmss​ @broken-jj​ @joshy-obx​  @outerbongs​  @copper-boom​  @httpstarkey​ @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl​  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee​  @on-socks-off​  @abbiesthings​ @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless

If you’d like to be tagged in all future JJ imagines/headcannons/series comment with a heart,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Pope imagines/headcannons/series comment with a smiling face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Rafe imagines/headcannons/series comment with a frowning face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Kiara imagines/headcannons/series comment with a question mark and if you’d like to be tagged in all future Sarah Cameron imagines/headcannons/series comment with a plus sign.If you’d like to be tagged in all Kelce content coment with a “>” and if youd like to be tagged in all Topper content comment with a “%”.Or if thats too complicated you can just comment whose name you’d like to be tagged in.

[char-lotteral]

I agree with Kishimoto never trying to use the girls. The hate they get is not fair. I used to defend Sakura back in the days because I hoped kishi would do her justice. When shippuden started I WAS SO HAPPY because I thought this was the start of something great for Sakura and the girls but NOOOOO. Every time, Sasuke showed kishi turned her brainless. If you compare Naruto's actions and Sakura's actions to sasuke, you'd see they're completely different. What's up with that weird fake love confession scene 😭? It makes her look like she was manipulating Naru. JEEZ.

Also he literally had badass Tenten and Temari with cool useful abilities and he didn't use them ?! TF ?! Thank god for modern authors who treat their characters with respect :)

okay2 you know how i am with these longass rants so click readmore and brace yourselves

The way I see it, Sakura's character development in shippuden was always one step forward, two steps back. She gets this really badass scene (like her fight with Sasori and those cool ass medical skills) but is then regressed back into a pining girl in love every time Sauce is on screen or Kishi just throws her in the background YET AGAIN.

I love Sakura's abilities actually. Her brute strength, intelligence, vast knowledge and skill as a medic nin. But what I dislike about her character is how kishi handled her feelings for Sasuke. Naruto and Sakura's obsession with Sasuke was so???? huh??? it was so damn toxic and i never once understood why both Nardo and Sak were so obsessed with him. They were a team for one year???? I mean its great that they care about him alot but Sauce's feelings were kinda valid. His freakin clan died. Id go batshit crazy against my own village too. BUT BESIDES THAT. Both Nart and Sakura's Sasuke obsession was so annoying. 80% of shippuden was literally Keeping up with the Uchihas or Naruto yelling SASUKEH. BUT what irks me so much is the fandom's double standards with both Naruto and Sakura. "Oh Sakura shouldve gotten over her Sasuke obsession" but then turn around and call Naruto's obsession cute and gush about how he's so in love with him!!

Hot take but the only reason why sasunaru is "the most developed ship with the most chemistry" is because theyre both male characters.

I guarantee you if Naruto was a girl and SHE would be the one to have this unhealthy obsession who was chasing around Sasuke, the fandom would shit on Naruto just as much. And if Sasuke were a girl, Sauce would be sidelined like the rest of the female cast and Naruto would have another male character to have a "brotherly bond" with, because thats the only bond Kishimoto is actually good at developing. Yey for male characters having all the screentime and cool assets <333

And about that confession scene, I get her intentions. I really do. I understand that she did that in order to bring him home and that she cares about him but honey, w-why?? Why lie to him about your feelings?? Supposed he DID believe her, then what? then what kishi???? huh??? Some of her fans point the blame on Sai or whatever but I personally dont see why that scene was at all necessary. Maybe to establish Naruto's feelings for her wasnt all that serious? or his maturity? idk man. That scene was such a clusterfuck.

In the end her development in The Last and in Boruto was immaculate. She had one of the best glow ups in the old gen and ironically enough, her character wasn't butchered in Boruto. She got badass scenes she was cheated from in shippuden. I also love how she's finally getting the spotlight she deserves. Unlike the other konoha 12 :,)))

Okay onto the next female character that Kishi completely wasted. My baby. My light. 🙈 AAAHHH HINATAA.

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN OKAY2 DEEP BREATHS.

Let me just establish this real quick. Hinata's goal was to get stronger because of Naruto, her goal was never to be with Naruto. She wanted to become someone who is worthy enough to stand beside him, someone whom he can consider as an equal, as a partner. She NEVER once said "marrying Naruto-kun is my all time goal UwU" (if youre one of those weirdos who interpret her character that way, youre immediately invalid, go take a hike)

I personally dont have anything against their crushes but to the point of making their personalities revolve around these guys every time theyre onscreen is so fucking frustrating. And with the way he writes their dialogues is so.damn.cringey. Like that one scene in the war arc with Tsunade and Madara

"I mAy bE a WomAn but I aM nOt WeAAKKKK"

BAAHAHAAHHA WHAT?? Everyone else gets coolass monologues and one liners but thats the best you can come up with Kishi?????? Hilarious.

If im being honest. Hinata's character is actually kinda well written. Not well executed. Dear God no. But with the way he set her story, her personality, her chracterization. She's honestly one of the best written female characters on the show. IMO. By Kishi's standards of writing women ofc. She's hands down one of the most complex characters. Her shy personality wasnt out of the blue, it wasnt a cutesy waifu trait. Her abusive upbringing made her that way. Her trauma turned her that way. So yeah, sue her if she looked up to Naruto as an inspiration when everyone else in her family treated her like dust. Shit on her for having Naruto's love light in her dark when her own damn father wouldnt even look her in the eye and her entire clan shunned her because she was "weak." She doesnt owe her family shit so idgaf what they do with the Hyuga clan. Neji and Hanabi aren't included btw

Im not gonna deny that her role in the show was only as the love interest but tbh for a love interest, Im glad her character wasnt so one dimensional. It just pains me SO MUCHHH how fucking wasted she is. Every time she's with Naruto, they always make her into a damsel in distress. They always feel the need to turn Naruto into the heroic prince. How cute.

LIKE THAT ONE SCENE IN THE LAST WHERE SHE'S THROWN IN THE CAGE?? WHY??? LET NARUTO AND HINA FIGHT THAT FREAKING ALIEN GOD TOGETHER. QUIT WITH THE TOXIC MASCULINITY. WE GET IT. NARUTO'S STRONG. GOOD FOR HIM. NOW LETS SEE HINATA THROW HANDS AND PUT NARUTO IN THE CAGE GODAMMIT

Hnggggg dont get me started with her role in Boruto. She's as relevant as a damn houseplant in the manga. They made her into an invisible trophy wife and "the mc's mother" and we all KNOW what happens to the shounen mc's mother once mc is in need of character development :) Quit putting her in the background. Give us that scene where she won against Hanabi DESPITE being retired for years. Give us that scene where she trains Boruto. GIVE US ANY FIGHT SCENE OF HER WHERE HER POTENTIAL ISNT WASTED WTF?¿

Now if you say that Hinata didnt have development. YOURE INVALID. She came from an abusive household, the shyest girl in her class, her insecurities got in the way of her own confidence, had difficulty of standing up for herself now became a loving mother of two, has the guts to kick her husband out of the house(with whom she couldnt even keep eye contact with when she was a kid) became the strongest hyuga, most supportive wife and mother, and has given her kids the comforting childhood she never had as a kid.

She has one of the most beautiful stories in the show and if you think her personality is only Naruto-kun and big boobs, then im sorry that you cant appreciate such a heartwarming story.

And I agree, killing her would honestly make me feel more at ease than continue to see her suffer because of godawful misogynistic writers. But at least let her die in an epic fight. Please. PLEASEE. She got nerfed so bad, i feel a physical pain every time i think about it

Okay what else. I think Ino got pretty good development. Another wasted potential in shippuden but she's doing good for herself in Boruto. I dont know what Temari is up to. They basically made her into another classic angry mom who beats up her husband for comedy trope. Haha very funny and original! Im not sure with her career, im not that invested in the anime.

Tenten??

oh G O D Tenten. The dirtiest of all. Her jokes about her screentime is so mean and i hate that its true ahsjhs. She was the only female character in OG who's goal wanted to be as strong as Tsunade but what did Kishi do to her?? Sidelined. Forgotten. Irrelevant. Like every damn female on the show :D

Konan shouldnt have died. I blame plot armor. I know in my heart that Konan wouldve kicked Obito's ass if it weren't for Kishi's boomer mindset.

Tsunade had so much hype when she was introduced but died down in the war arc. Madara wiped the floor with the kages. Holy shit. Not only that, but yipee! Naruto is there to save the day AGAIN!!!!

AND UGHHHH If the female characters were given proper treatment then maybe MAYBE all the endgame couples wouldve made fucking sense????¿¿¿

I think that ends my rant. Im not sure how the female characters in Boruto are handled. Except maybe Sarada (she's pretty well executed in the manga imo). But arguably they are sooo much better handled in Boruto than how the old gen girls were. And thats because Kishi isnt anywhere near the new gen female cast. I cant formulate a solid opinion with the other new gen female cast since im not entirely invested in the anime. Not ashamed to admit that I only watch it for the sunshine moments and for Hinata :DD

[faelapis]

look. in general. dont trust the analysis of people who think steven acted out of some justified revenge in fragments, they either dont understand the internal escalation for steven between fragments & homeworld bound... or they don't care and just want to see steven burn people, regardless of who it is.

also if they think jasper - literal nobody jasper, out in the bumfuck nowhere woods by herself jasper, hurting no one but bugs who step on her property jasper - should die because she... hurt stevens feelings?? after she and steven had an agreement about training??? i really dont trust them in general lol. 

or, if they just don't care about jasper and want someone to permadie because ~consequences~ i will probably never read anything they write because they dont understand how consequences work or character arcs in general. like. for one thing, dying is not a moral consequence of anything jasper did in the episode. 

yes, jasper is self-destructive, and yes, she orchestrated it so that steven would go all out, but it is STEVEN’S consequence for being a very bad baby boy who couldnt control himself because he suppressed himself for too long and got egged on into being a toxic baby boy who could only emotionally connect with anger and power. 

and yes, i'm intentionally overusing baby boy because if i don't the SteveGang will come for me for implying steven is ever responsible for himself even when he's encouraged by others. 

it is *steven’s* primary consequence, in the sense of self that truly dies. he can never be the hero he longs for again. he can’t think of himself that way. the only reason he is able to survive that is because his family is able to tell him that they’ll love him as a monster, too. (steven was never “fully” selfless, what laid at the bottom was winning love and approval of others, he’s not an ideologue so much as someone who needs to feel needed).

jasper's old self symbolically dies (i think the rules of the SU universe dictate that jasper must emerge from water every time she starts a new phase of her life), as the depression cave, most self-destructive and nihilistic version of jasper needed to... but the negative consequences of fragments are steven's first. not hers. 

jasper’s arc is, as i’ve said before, realized in homeworld bound. 

fragments is the realization of her old desires, but it is not a true moment of change. it’s just getting what she already knew she wanted. death, to her, is almost comforting because she can file everything as being part of her destiny and her diamond’s birthright. 

it is only in homeworld bound, when she openly submits herself, and is like “yes, finally, i have the Good Right Authority to Follow, i can live with Meaning”, and steven is like, “no, i can’t be what you want me to be. i can finally let you go now because i understand i'm not the perfect hero who saves people, i can't be the diamond you need”, THAT is what breaks her. that is the bitter pill she needed. 

and jasper, ~depending on your interpretation, because she always kept her cards close to her chest, steven never fully understood her / what she wanted (as is a point)~ either goes to Little Homeworld because she thinks thats what steven would want OR because its what shes secretly longed for all along, but couldn't as long as she saw it as “selfish” and against the idea of a diamond.

in any case, letting go of that old purpose is the only way for her to get better. it will be a long, slow healing process, but she'll be okay either way (if you think the pit of her self-hatred has no hope, that’s some heartless bs from someone who doesn’t understand the symbolism of little homeschool as a place of structured healing). jasper’s finally letting herself go where her “dumb” feelings reside. her main problem was being alone, nihilistic and full of misplaced selflessness, and she won’t be anymore. she won’t have steven, for the same reasons someone like pearl can’t become her best self by rose’s side, but she will have the push she needs to make a structured, genuine effort to acknowledge the self and her latent emotions.

and that’s a much better character arc than just killing her for steven’s sake. if your big thing is “consequences”, well, people underestimate how much of a fatalist jasper is. death is comforting to her if its for the right reasons. being truly defeated by a diamond is 100% fine. at lest she has a diamond now. its what she thinks destiny is. ripping her from that into a reality of terrifying freedom? painful and necessary, babes!

if you’re a logicbro and you don’t care about all this symbolic stuff and just want the Hard Facts of how she survived - at no point is anyone in the show enough of an authority to tell you that you can’t heal shattered gems. that character doesn’t exist. steven thinks it’s impossible because rose couldn’t do it, and to him, that’s the most powerful being imaginable... but the narrative implies otherwise. him thinking that is not the same thing as the narrative telling an expected questioning, curious viewer that it can’t be done. it is just his perspective. 

remember how the diamonds create all gems, and can control physical form, emotion, steven could heal lars, rose could help cracked gems, etc? the gems ARE nothing but diamond goo + their gem form. so the combined power of the diamonds over gems IS life & death, as creators, the absolute authority jasper sought. the same way corruption, in itself a form of “death”, could be healed by them (but, again, not rose alone!), so shattering is only another form of death.

and i feel like i shouldn’t have to specify that yes, the power the diamonds have over life and death is meant to be more than a little terrifying. that’s part of why gemkind obeys the diamonds in the first place. the other diamonds celebrate their powers, steven himself does not see it as a good thing. not after being so thoroughly dethroned from his own pedestal. they really are more like petty gods than anything else, and steven is afraid that the consequences of that will catch up with him. just one of many reasons he has a therapist now. 

[tvdversefanfiction]

Since i have done this 30day challenge on two of my other pages it was about time I did it for this page, starting firstly with The Vampire Diaries, The Originals and Legacies will soon follow I promise.

So if you do not already no I have zero chill and zero patience so instead of 30 days I just do it all in one go 😂 feel free to sound off in the comments with your opinions, open to reading others' opinions and share in the love for this fandom 💖

1 - Klaus Mikaelson 💖 my king, my heart, the unrequited love of my life (fictional ofcourse)

2 - (in order) Caroline Forbes 👑 Rebekah Mikaelson 👑 Katherine Pierce 👑

3 - Klaroline, always and forever 😍

4 - Bamon or Stexi 🤔 although Stexi was definitely a more loyal friendship and I didnt want them together as a couple like I did Bamon

5 - Claire Holt, Love her to pieces, love her interviews and her post and pre TVD and TO work as an actress.

6 - Joseph Morgan, my husband in my fantasies only 💖 fantastic actor who I cannot wait to see what he does next 😍

7 - Daniel Gillies and Paul Wesley, their bromance is both adorable, authentic and slightly homoerotic 🙊😈

8 - Bamon or Elenijah, Bamon id have legit loved to see as endgame over Delena anyday and Elenijah I'd have love to have seen explored at least.

9 - Although neither the originals or Katherine were in every episode they were far from secondary in my mind, so in terms of secondary I'd say Lexi for sure.

10 - 2 and/or 3, most of the originals arc and Katherine stuff was peak TVD for me.

11 - The 100th episode for so many reasons, the nostalgic lookback at previous characters, Klaroline finally getting it on, a Mebekah reunion and lots of Katherine 👑

12 - He is your first love, I intend to be your last 💖 Klaroline was all kinds of epic and how poetic is it that she wound up being his last love💔

13 - Caroline singing at her mothers funeral 💔

14 - Elena, I know she went through alot but who didn't in the TVDverse, she was the victim and stayed within that role from beginning to end and god was she depressing to watch. She was also largely hypocritical with her judgements over things she too was guilty off 🙄 the fact I loathe her and love Katherine shows the incredible acting range of Nina Dobrev though 💖

15 - Stefan, he is like Angel with the Angelus edge, id say the male elena but that would be harsh as he didnt piss me off nearly as much 😂 he was alright I suppose I just didnt care for him that much, if he died early I'd have been like meh! I couldnt buy evil stefan either instead it made me cringe which is weird because Paul Wesley plays unhinged so well in Tell me a story...oh and also Stefan killed Enzo, not once but twice and he can only blame the humanity switch for one of those kills 😡

16 - i did ship Delena till they got together and lost all their magic, i never shipped Stelena but they did suit each other better than Delena or the very ill advised Steroline which should have stayed a friendship! Bonnie and Jeremy made absolute no sense and had zero chemistry so on those grounds id say those two or Steroline, Steroline itches me up the wrong way the most tbf.

17 - Elena and Caroline, Caroline was the better friend hands down for both Bonnie and Elena but Elena always seemed harsher to Caroline and yet couldnt handle it when Caroline gave her tough love back especially over Delena which tbh Caroline was right....IMO anyways.

18 - I cannot say Candice, Nina, Kat or Claire are anything but amazing actresses so I would never say any of them...maybe the actress who played Liv Parker, she was always kind of one note to me although not terrible but nowhere near as good as the others....I could probably later think of someone else but for now I'll go with her.

19 - Zach Roerig, a typical answer from fans I've noticed but he was just so blah for 8 full seasons I totally get why Im not alone here...also so far him and Steven McQueen are the only ones from TVD to appear in Legacies...Jeremy's cameo i didnt mind, Matts however...like when is he going to die and stay dead already? Sorry matt fans 😂

20 - A good chunk of episodes in season 7, didnt like Elena but didn't like TVD without Elena...would've loved the actress to stay on and either play another role or make Katherine come back preferably 🤩

21 - Most of them I started liking then hating, or hating to liking then back to hating 😂 I dont think I hated anyone from beginning then loved them by the end so ill just give a love to hate, Alaric...I liked him in early seasons but thought he came to a natural end when he died...from 6 onwards after he came back he lost any appeal and felt like he was just there to have another dead ex, then to cockblock Steroline which tbf was a good deed but still didnt revive him 🤣 and I full out despise him in Legacies but I'll dig deeper into that come a Legacies themed version of this challenge 😂

22 - Damon wins hands down here, loved him in the pilot, love turned to like as the show went on and then Delena happened and completely destroyed his chracter, Bamon gave him a much needed revival but Elena soon dragged him down once more...his live for her was obsessive to me, unhealthy and toxic and he couldnt cope without it. BAMON would've fixed all this IMO

23 - Okay stick with me here as this one has multiple answers for me...I'd have rathered Caroline or Bonnie as the main character alongside the salvatores than Elena so thats answer one. Answer two would be I'd have loved Katherine to have been the mainstay doppelganger instead of Elena. Answer three would be more flashbacks of Lexi and her life away from the Salvatores would have been interesting. Last answer, Rebekah should have been in more episodes both on this and TO but I'll probs get more into that when I do TO.

24 - The romances, the vampires, the villains and the aesthetic of Mystic Falls 😍 if you follow my other pages you know obsessed im obsessed with the supernatural genre 🥰

25 - Too much time centred around Delena and Stelena, which I know was the main story of this show their love triangle but it didnt have to be...

26 - Elena daggering Rebekah, my heart broke for Rebekah and hardened towards Elena...her biggest hypocritical move of many too!

27 - Heres one so this post isnt all bashing poor Elena 🤣 i love when Elena and Stefan wind up drinking in that bar together having a good time as friends...honestly wouldnt habe minded more scenes centered on this friendship.

28 - Klaroline getting together in the woods and/or the Klaroline moment in the last episode where he donates money to the boarding school...tbh any Klaroline moment 💖

29 - Liz's death and funeral, my heart breaks for Caroline everytime and Damon too, loved Liz and Damon's friendship 💔

30 - Almost all Lily Salvatore scenes, the worst mother alongside Esther Mikaelson....their deaths make me so happy every single time and I will never apologise for that 🤣

[ghostsray]

Danny Zombie chapter 2

(remember this fic? here’s the second chapter. tbh i dont even have a plot in mind, im just writing whatever bs pops in my head. based on @burning-clutch‘s prompt: an au where the ghosts are humans and the humans are ghosts)

.

Walker trudged into the cemetary. It was the dead of night, pun unintended, and he carried a flashlight to provide him better light than the dim full moon. He had received complaints from the surrounding residents about a strange occurence here: a flash of light, a sudden storm. To him, that sounded like a load of crap, but more than one person had witnessed it, so he had no choice but to investigate.

The flashlight's beam caught a group of teenagers up the hill, standing among a row of graves. As soon as they noticed him, they began to flee--two at first, then another pair trailing after. "Hey!" Walker called and picked up his pace, but he was too late. The four troublemakers had already made it to the opposite wall by the time he reached the grave they were ransacking.

Walker stopped and turned his flashlight down over the grave. He let out a disapproving tsk at what he saw. Whoever those teens were, (and he had an idea; he was familiar with all the troublemakers in town,) they had undoubtedly robbed the grave. A deep hole was dug in the mound, almost as if somebody had climbed out from inside the grave. Walker chuckled at that image. As if zombies were real.

The cop shone his flashlight down the hole. At first, he was met with nothingness, which was odd. Surely the graverobbers couldnt have taken the whole corpse with them, could they? Then, something stirred. Walker nearly dropped his flashlight in surprise, but he caught it and kneeled over the open grave to get a better look.

Nothing.

Walker exhaled. He was not a superstitious man, but this place gave him the creeps. He stood up, and as he did, his foot knocked against something. He looked down and grinned. A guitar--and a familiar one at that. He was sure the owner's parents would enjoy a nice chat with him.

He bent down to pick up the instrument, and that was when it happened. Toxic green light gradually grew from the grave and intensified until everything was shed in chartreuse. Walker momentarily forgot about the guitar, whipping his head back to face the grave.

It wasn't so empty anymore. When he peeked inside again, a swirling vortex of green...something...had filled it up. The light it produced was so bright it painted the soil a sickly green. Walker's jaw hung loose as he gawked, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. Just then, something rose out of the vortex--or rather, someone.

He was a tall man in a white suit and sunglasses hiding his eyes, but what really caught Walker's attention was the fact that he was glowing. If one stared at him hard enough, his skin appeared transparent, and Walker thought he saw his skull underneath his face. Oh, yeah, and he was floating in the middle of the air above the portal he had come through.

The man, whatever he was, looked down at Walker, and goosebumps broke out on his flesh. He picked up his jaw long enough to ask, "Who...What are--"

He couldn't finish his sentence before the creature lunged at him. Walker held his arms up to protect himself, but it didn't do anything, because he wasn't attacked. Instead, the man--the ghost--had entered his body.

Walker's entire body shuddered. He felt his mind being pushed into nothingness as whatever was inside him wrested control. He desperately tried to cling to his consciousness, but it was no use. When he opened his eyes, he wasn't Walker anymore.

Operative's eyes glowed red. He flexed his borrowed neck and smiled.

.

Sidney woke up on 6 AM, like he did everyday. The alarm clock was ringing by his bedside, and he rolled in bed and slammed the top until it quieted. His eyes fluttered open. Blue eyes stared at him.

"Jiminy Cricket!" he blurted and fell off his bed.

"Jiminy Cricket?" Danny echoed. "What year were you born in?"

Sidney glared up at him from his spot upside down on the floor. The halfa was standing in Sidney's bedroom, wearing his borrowed clothes after Sidney had insisted he take a shower last night to remove all that creepy dirt on his body. He looked more alive than he had yesterday, almost normal even, though he was still pale.

"Says the guy who died forty years ago," Sidney grumbled and righted himself. He glanced at the halfa again and asked, "Didn't sleep?"

Danny slowly shook his head. "Dreams...are scary."

Sidney raised an eyebrow. Now that he looked at those blue eyes again, he noticed they seemed pretty bloodshot. "Not all dreams are scary," he said. "For example, I was just having a wonderful dream about standing up to Aragon."

"Who's Aragon?"

"This bully in school," Sidney said, and the way he mentioned the word "bully" made it sound like the worst insult possible. "His real name is Aaron, but he thinks calling himself Aragon is edgier or whatever. He thinks that just because he's rich, he's so much better than everyone else." He shook his head and added, "What about you? What dream is so scary you couldn't sleep?"

Danny didn't reply. He averted his eyes and focused on a corner.

Sidney sighed. Once again, he wondered why he was even letting him stay at his house. Curse that Ember for dropping him here. Hey, Poindexter! Here's this undead guy I found in the middle of the cemetary. I'll just drop him in your house and then leave!

He can't say he doesn't understand her reasoning, though. Ember's parents would never let her sneak a boy in her house, but Sidney's grandmother was barely aware of what was going on around her. One time he managed to keep a cat inside for an entire month, and she had no idea. (The cat's name was Gene Kelly, and he escaped when Sidney left the window open one day.)

"Well, you're a human now, and humans need to sleep," Sidney told him. "Eight hours a day. Then again, you are only part human, so I'm not sure if you need that much...um, what are you doing?"

Danny had lost interest in whatever Sidney was saying and had started rummaging around his room. Sidney got up and stopped him before he could pull open his underwear drawer. "Hey, just because I'm letting you stay over in my room doesn't mean you're free to search through my stuff! What are you searching for, anyway?"

"I told you yesterday," Danny said. "I need to make a call."

"The phone is right there, in case you haven't noticed," Sidney retorted and pointed at the telephone on his desk. But Danny shook his head.

"Phones can't contact the dead. Don't you have a ouija board? A crystal ball?"

Sidney's eyebrows rose to his scalp. "No? I'm not really into witchcraft. Maybe Desiree might have that stuff."

"Who's she?"

"A neighbor. But I'm not taking you to see her."

"Why not?"

"Because," Sidney said, "I need to go to school, and I don't trust you enough to let you roam around town unsupervised. How do I know you won't eat anyone's brains or anything?"

Danny huffed. "Why does everyone keep mistaking me for a zombie? I'm a ghost."

"You're a walking dead person who crawled out of his grave, that's why. Now can you just...stay put while I get ready for school?"

"School?" Danny asked, sounding interested.

Sidney rolled his eyes. "Yes, school. You know, where you learn stuff? I'm pretty sure those existed around your time."

"Of course I know what a school is," Danny replied, then hesitantly added, "Can I come?"

Sidney blinked. "You...want to come to school?"

Danny shrugged. "I'm curious about what new stuff students are learning since I was gone."

Despite himself, Sidney grinned. "I didn't know you were a fellow nerd."

"I'm not a nerd," Danny said, blushing. Sidney laughed and patted his shoulder.

"Don't worry, buddy. Being a nerd is actually pretty cool these days."

"You're joking, right?"

"Nope. Dungeons and Dragons is hot. Star Trek is mainstream. You have a lot to catch up on."

Danny didn't look like he believed him, which only made Sidney laugh more. "Come on, I'll bring you to school."

.

Casper High hadn't changed much in forty years, although the student body did grow. Some of the students cast curious glances at Danny as Sidney led him through the crowded hallways, but they didn't say anything. Well, except for one.

"Who do we have here?" a voice purred. Sidney groaned and turned to face the speaker.

"Hey, Aragon," he greeted with a strained smile.

Aragon looked...not as intimidating as Danny expected. He was thin, with a pimple-ridden face and greasy hair, but his sneer was enough to signify that he was a bad guy.

Aragon sized up Danny and said, "I haven't seen you around."

"This is Danny, my, uh...cousin," Sidney lied. "He's..."

"Homeschooled," Danny supplied. "But I'm curious about what regular schools are like, so Sidney offered to show me around his school." He lied so effortlessly that Sidney wondered if he had practiced it beforehand.

Aragon snickered. "Homeschooled? That's probably because you're too wimpy to be around other kids. Hey, Poindexter, why don't you join your cousin at home? It's not like anyone will miss you."

Sidney bristled. He thought of numerous insults he could throw at the bully, and he almost might have said one out loud, but then Danny spoke up and said, "You're not scary."

Aragon blinked. "Excuse me? My dad can probably buy your dad's company."

"I doubt that," Danny muttered.

Aragon bristled and almost said something back, but then a girl came and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Leave them alone, Aaron," she told him.

Sidney smiled when he saw it was Dora. He loved Dora--she was basically the anti-Aragon, kind to everyone. She caught his eyes and smiled back.

Aragon shrugged her hand away and scowled. "Fuck off, Dora. I'm pretty sure that guy just insulted me."

"He just said you aren't scary," Dora said, "which is true."

Sidney snorted. Aragon turned on him, but before he could speak, his condescending posture dissolved at the sight of a woman coming up to them. "Miss Pandora!" he said, suddenly sounding polite.

The tallest human Danny had ever seen stood over them with her hands on her hips. "What's going on here?"

"Nothing," Aragon told her, and he actually wrapped his arm amiably around Danny's shoulders and said with a smile, "We were just greeting Sidney's cousin here."

She raised her eyebrow and noticed Danny. "Cousin, eh?"

"He's homeschooled," Sidney said helpfully.

"Well, then! It's very nice of you to show him around." The teacher smiled at Aragon, and it took Sidney considerable effort not to roll his eyes. Pandora added, "Maybe you can let him take a lesson with you. Class is just about to start, you know."

"Yes, ma'am," Aragon said with a white-toothed smile and saluted her. Pandora passed them, and as soon as she turned a corner and left, Aragon pushed Danny away from him.

"Have fun at school, fuckhead," he said and laughed. He left, and Dora turned to him with a grimace.

"I'm sorry about my brother," she apologized.

Danny shrugged. "He's...interesting."

"What the fuck!"

The three teens turned to see Johnny standing in the hallway, glaring at Danny with his jaw agape. He strode to him, then jabbed a finger at his chest and demanded, "What are you doing in my school?"

"Stop that," Dora said. "Why is everyone intent on bullying the visitor?"

Johnny stared at her with disbelief written all over his face. "You don't know what he is, do you?"

Dora looked confused, but Danny just smiled and said, "Hey, Johnny. Thanks for helping me last night."

Johnny scoffed. "I didn't help you. That was all Ember."

"True, but at least you didn't stop her."

"I'm sorry, what's happening?" Dora asked, glancing between them.

Johnny scowled and said, "He's a zombie."

"Ghost, actually," Danny corrected.

Dora stared at them for a moment, and then she burst with laughter. Johnny raised his eyebrows and saw her with a hand over her mouth, eyes crinkled humorously. "Ghost! Ha ha."

Johnny frowned and said, "It's not--"

"It's a very funny joke!" Sidney interrupted. "I bet he even crawled out his grave."

He smirked at Dora as he said this, and Dora laughed harder. Sidney felt Johnny's eyes boring into him, but thankfully, the school bell chose that moment to ring. Dora wiped tears from her eyes and said to Danny, "Have a nice day, ghost boy."

"Will do," Danny replied with a toothy grin.

Dora left, but Johnny stuck behind. He sent a glare at Danny and stated, "I don't trust the undead." Then he turned to Sidney and added, "You shouldn't, either."

The way his eyes bore into him made goosebumps break out on Sindney's skin. Finally, Johnny turned and left, his shadow trailing behind him.

"What a great guy," Danny said after he was gone. Sidney tried to study his expression, but Danny was wearing an unreadably simple smile, and his hands were in his pockets. Danny's blue eyes met Sidney. "So, where's your class?"

.

Fuck, Ember thought as she sped down the hallway. She was late for class and Ms. Pandora was gonna kill her. She turned a corner, then stopped so suddenly she almost slipped on the linoleum floor.

The man in front of her turned around. He was wearing sunglasses indoors for some reason. On his chest sat a sherrif badge, and in his hand was her guitar. She had no idea what was with the glasses, but it obviously wasn't enough to stop her from recognizing him, nor quell her anxiety at his presence.

"You," he grunted, which erased any chance she had of escaping unnoticed.

Ember gulped and waved nervously. "Heyyy, Sheriff Walker. What are you doing here?"

Walker held forward her guitar. "Is this yours?"

Oh boy. Ember began to explain, "I swear, I didn't rob that grave. Heck, why would I even be in the graveyard? I don't know how this got there, you must have seen someone else--"

Walker ignored her and shoved the guitar at her. Then, to her surprise, he said, "Take it. I have no interest in it."

Walker? Letting someone go when he had a chance to arrest them? Ember eyed him and asked, "Who are you and what have you done to Walker?"

She had meant it as a joke, but the way he stiffened made her reconsider the truth of her statement. He said, "I don't care what happens to you, human," which Ember thought was a strange choice of words, "I only wish to know where the escapee is."

"The what?"

Walker (if that even was him) turned his attention away from her and focused on the hallway behind her. Now that Ember listened, she heard footsteps approach. She turned around and saw Sidney and...was that Danny? What was he doing in school?

Danny seemed to freeze up at the sight of Walker. Maybe it was her imagination, but she thought she saw his breath turn to mist as it escaped his mouth, which shouldn't have been possible because it wasn't cold enough inside the building. His eyes widened.

When she looked back at who may or may not have been Walker, she saw his face stretched in an unnerving grin. He walked around her and strode toward Danny, who somehow got stiffer the closer Walker got to him.

Ember didn't understand what was going on, but she knew enough to be able to tell that this not-Walker was bad news (yes, even worse than the real Walker) and that Danny seemed to be, for whatever reason, in danger. She shoved herself between not-Walker and Danny and said, "So, Sheriff, how's life?"

Not-Walker growled and shoved her away. Yep, that definitely was not Walker. Danny saw that he wasn't stopping and began to run away, but not-Walker grabbed his arm and tugged him back.

It didn't feel right, seeing the undead guy look so scared. Ember barely thought about her next action. She looked down at her guitar, remembered how good a weapon it made when she whacked Danny in the head last night, and swung it at the back of not-Walker's head. Not-Walker grunted and let go of Danny. His glasses fell to the floor, and when he turned around to glare at her, she froze--because his eyes were as red as blood. Ember was fairly certain that Walker's eyes were supposed to be green.

"Ember, get away! He's a ghost!" Danny warned.

Ember stared wide-eyed at Danny, and that was long enough for not-Walker's fist to connect with her gut and send her toppling backward. He didn't just punch her--he also sent a strange beam of green light that made her body buzz with electricity and sent her skidding across the hallway. She fell over and clutched her stomach, wheezing. She weakly raised her head enough to watch not-Walker grab Danny again and lift him up by his neck. Sidney was next to them, but he looked too paralyzed to help, and Ember was in too much pain to get up.

"Danny Phantom--" Danny Phantom? "--I see you're alive," not-Walker said with a sneer.

Danny quit struggling in not-Walker's grip long enough to gulp. "Alive? Nah. I'm just overshadowing someone, like you are."

"You think you can lie to me? I know what overshadowing senses like. You're alive." His cheeks looked like they were pulled back by invisible strings into a cruel smirk, and he added, "But if you're really only borrowing this body, then I suppose killing it won't do anything to you, would it?"

His grip around Danny's neck tightened, and Danny's struggling became strained. Why couldn't he just go intangible? Sidney looked like he finally snapped out of his paralysis, and he ran forward to help Danny with a yell of, "Let him go!" Unfortunately, he was quickly pushed back by the same weird light that attacked Ember.

"You're mortals," not-Walker growled. "You don't understand the laws that govern ghosts. The dead stay dead. Ressurecting oneself is a major crime--against the laws of the Ghost Zone and the laws of nature."

Cool, so it wasn't Walker, but he sure as hell was equally obsessed with arresting people. Or, well...executing them was more like it, if he continued to squeeze Danny's throat any longer. (Re-executing? What would happen if you die a second time?)

Ember gritted her teeth and pushed herself up. She may have only known Danny for less than a day, but there was no way she was letting the weirdest friend she'd had disappear so soon after she met him.

Without a second thought, she ran up to not-Walker, ignoring the pain in her gut, and shouted, "Hey, dipstick!" Not-Walker turned around but did not have time to prepare when her boot swung up and connected with his crotch.

Not-Walker cringed. Ember wasn't sure if the ghost was able to feel pain from inside Walker's body (probably not, because she was confident in the power of her kick) but the shock of being kicked in the private part was enough to loosen his grip on Danny. Danny, now able to breathe, took this opportunity to thrust his hand into not-Walker's face, and before she could blink, a bright burst of green light not unlike not-Walker's own attacks was released from his palm and roasted Walker's face.

Apparently, the ghost did feel pain from that, because he yowled and let go of Danny. Danny didn't waste any time after he landed before grabbing Ember and Sidney by the arms and sprinting down the hallway and around a corner, away from not-Walker's sight.

Danny kept running, pulling the two humans behind him. She didn't know how long they went--lockers and windows passed by in a blur--before he apparently thought they were far enough from the ghost possessing Walker and let go of their arms to slump on the floor and pant.

"Okay, what was that?" Sidney demanded.

"Yeah, and why did that guy call you Danny Phantom?" Ember added.

Danny didn't answer them at first, still catching his breath. Finally, he gulped and said, "So, that was the ghost police."

"I kind of figured," Ember said, remembering the ghost's words. "Resurrecting yourself is illegal?"

"Of course it is," Sidney said, staring at Danny, and Ember thought she saw a hint of wildness in his eyes. "It's unnatural! You're supposed to be dead!"

Danny flinched. Ember bit her lip and placed a hand on Sidney's shoulder. "Hey, man. What's done is done. Danny's alive now."

Sidney kept huffing for a moment before he covered his face with a hand and sighed. "No. I know. It's just...I wasn't expecting to be a attacked by a ghost-possessed Walker today."

"I mean, you did bring Danny to school," Ember pointed out. "Why did you bring Danny to school?"

"I asked to come," Danny answered.

"Why would you want to come to school? Are you a nerd?"

Danny looked about to argue, but then Sidney spoke up, "That's not important. That ghost inside Walker is still around. How do we get rid of him?"

Danny hummed thoughtfully. "Usually, in the Ghost Zone, we just duke it out with ghost powers, but I don't think that would work when I'm part human."

It was then that Ember finally noticed the way Danny was cradling his hands tenderly. She looked at his palm and saw it filled with slightly greenish blisters. Danny caught her looking and covered his palms, but she had already seen them. Guess that ghostly light attack was too hot for a human body to handle.

"Then what do we do?" Sidney asked.

Danny shrugged. "Maybe...are there myths about ghost weaknesses? Usually those have a little truth in them."

"What, you mean like, sprinkle salt on him?" Ember said with a raised eyebrow.

"Maybe," Danny said. "I--"

Whatever he was about to say was cut off when a blur came through the wall behind them, grabbed Danny, and went through the opposite wall. Ember and Sidney both stared slack-jawed as they tried to make sense of what just happened.

"Ghost," Sidney said.

"Salt," Ember said. "I'll go to the cafeteria."

"I think I also have something that might help," Sidney said. "I'll go get that."

There was no time for Ember to ask what thing Sidney had that might work against a ghost. The two teens separated and ran down different directions, Ember to the school cafeteria. She arrived to find it empty apart from the lunch lady behind the counter.

The lunch lady was humming to herself as she cooked...whatever the fuck school lunches were supposed to be. Ember tried to crouch near the wall and sneak into the kitchen. If she was lucky, she could grab the salt and dash without any confrontation...but she had no suck luck.

The humming stopped, and Lunch Lady said, "What are you doing outside of class?"

Ember closed her eyes and silently muttered a few curses before standing up in front of Lunch Lady with a smile. "Sorry. I just wanted to grab some salt...for a lab experiment."

"Salt? We have salt," Lunch Lady said sweetly.

"Great! I'd love some, please."

Lunch Lady grabbed a salt container, and Ember reached out for it eagerly, but the woman held it back with a frown. "If it's for a science class, why were you trying to sneak past me?"

"Me? Sneaking? I would never," Ember said, her smile straining. "I just thought it would be quicker...you know...so I don't waste any class time."

"Of course your teachers wouldn't want you to waste class time. That's why they're supposed to bring their own materials for experiments. I talked to them about that last year."

Ember winced. "They...forgot?" When Lunch Lady seemed unconvinced, Ember brought her hands together in a pleading gesture and said, "Please, I just want some salt. It won't even be long. I'll give it back."

Lunch Lady narrowed her eyes, like she was considering Ember's words. "Salt is a very important part of food, you know. Salt and meat."

Ember quirked an eyebrow. "I thought too much salt is a bad thing. Same with too much fatty meat."

She probably should have kept quiet. Lunch Lady's expression turned into a scowl, and she all but screeched, "Are you questioning my nutritional knowledge?"

Ember had met ghosts, but somehow, this lunch lady was more terrifying. Ember faltered and stammered, "Um, uh..."

She was saved by the large dirt explosion outside. Lunch Lady jumped and leaned forward, trying to look out the window with wide eyes. The salt container in her hand was in reach.

Ember snatched the salt from her and darted. Lunch Lady yelled at her, but Ember was already running away...toward the explosion she heard come from the track field outside. Somehow, she had a feeling that had something to do with Danny and that other ghost.

She emerged outdoors, and sure enough, Danny lay in a crater in the ground, looking worse for wear. Then Ember looked up at the enemy ghost and did a double take. Walker's body must have been left back inside the school, because the ghost wasn't possessing him anymore, which meant she could see his true, ghostly form.

Being near him set her hairs on edge and filled her with dull dread. He was glowing. His edges were blurry, like an old photograph. His skin was bright green and translucent, showing his skull underneath. He wore a suit that looked like it should have been black but was bleached white, and white sunglasses covered his eyes, although Ember had a feeling they were the same red shade that possessed-Walker had.

The ghost hovered over Danny's bruised form. Danny weakly pushed himself on his elbows, wincing all the way, and said, "Can't we talk about this, Operative?"

The ghost, Operative, retorted, "Sure, once you're in jail."

He aimed a hand at Danny, and Ember could tell he was about to attack. She ran toward him, shouted, "Hey! Want some salt with that?" and swung the salt at him.

Operative flinched--then blinked when the salt went through him without any effect. Ember faltered. "So...salt doesn't work."

"Salt?" Operative smirked. "I've heard about that. It has to be blessed to work against ghosts. And it must be pure salt, not table salt."

"Well, fuck," Ember muttered.

She shrieked and ducked out of the way as Operative ghost-blasted the spot where she stood. While she hit the grass, the ghost turned back to Danny and held him up by the neck. Danny was too weak to even struggle in his grip.

Just as Ember was beginning to lose hope, she saw Sidney enter her field of vision. Ember scrambled to her feet and joined him in running toward the ghost. "What did you get?" she asked.

Sidney, poor non-athletic nerd that he was, was panting too much from the process of sprinting as fast as he could to really talk, but he didn't need to. He stopped a short distance away from Operative and held up the object he brought for everyone to see: a reflective silver mirror.

Operative turned his head away from Danny for a moment to look at the mirror. "What is that? Do you want me to see my reflection?"

Ember was wondering about his plan, too. A mirror didn't sound very useful against ghosts. Even Sidney looked uncertain of himself, his knees knocking together in terror.

To his credit, he bravely ignored his fear and ran screaming at the ghost, swinging his mirror right down at him. She thought she saw the ghost's eyes widen at the last moment before he disappeared right into the mirror, somehow sucked up by the silver. Danny fell on his butt as Operative was gone.

Ember picked up her jaw and asked, "What was that?!"

"I have no idea," Sidney admitted, still wide-eyed from the fact his plan worked. "I just remembered hearing some stories about silver working against werewolves and vampires and guessed it must do something about ghosts, too."

"That was brilliant," Danny said, smiling from his spot on the ground. He was bruised all over and had second degree burns on his palms, but other than that, he seemed fine.

Now that the big scary ghost was gone and Ember's heartbeat was settling, she crossed her arms at Danny and said, "You didn't answer my question from earlier. Danny Phantom?"

"Right," Danny said, reaching to rub his neck then stopping when that made him wince. "Ghosts don't usually use each others' real names. It's...personal, I guess. So everyone goes by a nickname."

"That's why you don't like us calling you Daniel Fenton," Ember said, remembering the way he flinched when he got called that in the graveyard and at Sidney's--the same way he flinched just now as she said that.

"Yeah," he said. "That ghost we just fought, Operative...well, he's lucky because no one even knows his real name. He worked with the government back when he was alive. Everyone just calls him by his title--or the Guy in White."

"That makes sense, considering how blindingly white his suit was."

Sidney suddenly yelped, and Ember turned toward him to see that he had dropped his mirror onto the ground. She looked down at it and understood why. A swirling fog appeared on its surface before it morphed into the Guy in White's face.

She jumped when the ghost brought a fist forward and at pounded at the mirror's surface--but the mirror didn't even vibrate, much less fracture. He continued to pound uselessly and growled, "You can't keep me in this relic forever. Just as you can't escape your punishment. You're upsetting the balance between life and death. You--"

Sidney crouched and flipped the mirror over so that its reflective surface was lying face down against the dirt. The Guy in White's voice was muffled.

Danny crawled to them and struggled to push himself up. Ember went to his side and helped him stand, and as soon as he did, she recoiled and asked, "Where did your bruises go?"

Most of them were gone, and she watched as the ones that did remain seemed to glow green before fading away. Ember stepped away from him, and he stayed stable on his feet. "Healing," he said. "Injuries aren't permanent to ghosts. I guess I kept that part of me when I got resurrected."

"You brought yourself back from the dead," Sidney said. Ember turned to him and saw him staring at the mirror he had just flipped over. "That ghost mentioned something about balance."

"Dude, the Guy in White is just ghost Walker," Ember said. "He probably comes up with any lame excuse to jail people."

"But maybe he has a point," Sidney argued, glaring at Ember--and at Danny. "What makes you special enough to get ressurected? Why not everyone else who died--like my parents?"

"Sid--"

"No, he's right," Danny said. He hung his head guiltily, gazing down at his hands. The burns on his palms seemed to take longer to heal. "This was a mistake. I thought I could get my parents' invention to work--and I did--but I didn't think about the consequences. Maybe they gave up on it for a reason."

Ember tilted her head. "So...what? You kill yourself again?"

Danny bit his lip and shrugged. "I...I don't know."

Ember glanced between him and Sidney, who was shuffling in place uncomfortably. She thinned her lips and stood straight. "Well, I'm not letting you do that," she said to Danny. "I don't care if you were dead before. You're alive now."

"Technically, I'm only half alive," Danny mumbled. "I still have some ghostly attributes, but..." He glanced uncertainly at Sidney.

Sidney fidgeted, then crossed his arms and sighed. "I guess...if you're human now...there's no point in going against that. You may as well enjoy your time back. I'll accept that. No need to kill yourself."

Danny's shoulders relaxed. Sidney still had his arms crossed, but he didn't look as angry anymore. The muffled voice of the Guy in White still came from the upside-down mirror on the ground.

Ember prodded the mirror with her foot. "So, what do we do with him?"

"Break the mirror?" Sidney suggested.

"No," Danny said. "Who knows if that would get rid of him. It might just release him again."

"I still don't get how he even got here," Sidney said.

Danny shrugged. "A portal? Though, it seems a little convenient that a natural portal would open up right after I got revived..."

"Or maybe he followed you back to the human world," Ember said.

"But he's not alive..." Danny's eyes widened. "Unless--"

He grabbed the mirror off the ground and began to run.

"Hey, where are you going?" Sidney shouted.

Danny turned back to face them. "My revival must have opened a permanent portal," he told them. "I'm going to send Operative back to the Ghost Zone, and I'm going to see my parents."

"A portal? But where?"

Danny met Ember's eyes, and he knew the same thought went through their heads. "My grave," he said. Then he turned around and kept running.

Sidney and Ember glanced at each other in bewilderment. Then Ember shouted, "Wait up!" and ran after Danny.

"Wait! But what about school!" Sidney shouted.

Fuck school, Ember thought. Ghosts, zombies, portals--ever since Danny entered her life, her days became exciting, and there was no way she was missing any second of this.

[childofhelios]

so update on the toxic friend for anyone who cares:

so my friend decided to text them again to make sure that they know that though we might not be as close as before but we’ll still be there for them and they can come to us and they also mentioned that  i feel the same way because i do. and toxic(? now i dont fucking know if they actually toxic or if im overreacting) friend responded and they were like “thanks for reaching out but i wish i had heard from helios, she didnt say anything because she doesnt like conflict. but im hurt that she didnt say anything at all” and like.....god i dont even know to fucking say right now. one of the reasons we tried to talk/drop them was because they would consistently talk shit about and act really fucking rude to another friend of ours. and im not saying the toxic friend had to be up our other friend’s ass but if theyre gonna dislike them, be chill about it?? and then they said once we confronted them that we would laugh at them when they had manic episodes and just made them a laughing stock and made them feel theyre only watered down to a comic relief. F I R S T O F A L L I DONT FUCKING KNOW TO HANDLE MANIC EPISODES. i barely have a drivers permit and you want me to know how to deal with mainc episodes? like yes i could have treated them better but i genuinely didnt know how to deal with them and they always presented them as jokes!!! and then they said i wasnt there for them?????????? ive spent countless hours upon hours on the phone with them or talking to them and consoling and helping and i just get demeaned to never being there for them??? at first it just made me feel like shit and now im angry???? like at first i was just really upset at myself for not talking to them but it was a very overwhelming day and couple days afterwards. and i didnt even know if they wanted to hear from me?? they had no problem reaching to my other friend, but couldnt reach out to me??? why am i the exception??? is it my job as the peacekeeper of the group??? idk, i just sound like an asshole but maybe i just am. im just confused and upset and feeling a lot of things and kinda sick. im way too busy for this. anywa, very prepared to just ignore everything and take care of the 300000000 assignments i have to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sushi-purrrito]

Reasons I don't think Kagami and Adrien would be the best mix, But Kagami and Luka? Yes pleassse.

Kagami and Adrien...

Even though they are very similar in home life and some hobbies, their parents have too much control over their lives. Not to mention their parents are "friends". Imagine if they were to get married and have children, how helicopter parent/grandparent they would continue to be. Gabriel and Tomoe would only encourage eachothers toxic behavior. Sure Kagami and Adrien could relish in goofing off together, but unless they decided to up and run away, theyd never get the life they crave. They couldnt escape either of their parents because Gabriel and Tomoe would actively work together to "do what's best" for their kids. And in the future, their grandkids.

Now put Adrien and Marinette, or Kagami and Luka together. These pairings would garauntee that both Kagami and Adrien would have a positive influence In their lives who could encourage freedom and growth to them as people, support them in standing up to their parents, and be there for them when they are feeling rejected or ashamed due to being whipped their whole lives. Not to mention it also would provide inlaws that don't agree with the way Gabriel and Tomoe are with their kids. Which would force Gabriel and Tomoe to rethink how they parent instead of staying in their comfort zones and never being pressured to change.

Now Take Luka and Kagami,

Luka would never be approved of by Kagamis mother when you first look at it, but with his skill of reading/understanding people, his patience, gentlemanly nature(which Tomoe already admires in Adrien), and his ability to connect with others through his musical language. I imagine over time, even he could wiggle his way into Tomoe Tsurugis heart. Especially since one of the key ingredients in Japanese culture for many trades is passion. Like the passion for fencing. Luka is literally the definition of passion when it comes to his music. I'd be suprised if Tomoe didnt see that trait in him and admire it once she got passed the type of music he plays. Of course if that all ends up not working to his advantage. Kagami could also just run away with him while he's on tour with his band.😂

Then theres the fact that Luka being so empathetic to other people could help sheltered Kagami to better understand others and reach past her social awkwardness (I mean, just look at this poor baby in Ikari gozen) Kagami also could encourage Luka to be more open to confrontation, further pushing his music career in such a competitive industry. So that he doesnt get taken advantage of like in the episode "silencer". (Incase you cant tell I'm a huge Lukagami shipper....)

As for Marinette and Adrien.. We all know the millions of reasons Adrien and Marinette would go well together. And Marinette, using her skills of being a talented designer could use Gabriel's growing respect and admiration towards her as a way to reason with him when he's being unreasonable to Adrien, not to mention her fiery attitude being able to smack back when Gabriels being stupid.

Anyways, I know this isnt very well written, just a scramble of thoughts. ll I feltllke sharing!

Just the things I think about when I wake up in the morning! Feel free to add to it lol

[revol-lover]

nope i do need to vent

the thing is like i guess i’m just upset and got triggered by something today because like i can accept i guess what happened to me. well i guess i dont know if accept is the right word but it happened. i cant go back and change a single thing. i know that.

but whenever i’m reminded that what happened wasn’t ok and wasn’t normal and was literally so rare and so abnormal it just makes me so fucking sad because i wind up in the mindset of what if it didn’t happen. what if things went right. the way they were supposed to. who would i be right now? 

i get reminded of who i was before the trauma. i was in such a GOOD place. i was SO happy. i was FREE from a toxic environment that i had patiently waited for YEARS to get out of. it was finally happening. everything was falling into place and i was so happy with my life. and i was so freaking happy to be having my baby, finally. and a daughter too, which was surprising to me because my whole life i was convinced i’d have a son and that like, me getting a daughter would never happen (i wouldve been happy regardless i guess i just never genuinely imagined having a girl so it was a huge happy shock)

and then it all happened and everything came crashing down. starting with not being able to go into labor on my own. being 2 weeks late. being induced. labor forever (over 24hr). push for almost 3 hours. baby not doing well. low apgars. birth injury. immediate nicu transfer. not able to see her except for a quick minute before they sent her to another hospital and even then it was a glimpse, didnt get to hold her. going to bed that night in complete emptiness. complete fucking emptiness. why. why did it have to happen that way? being left alone the next morning so kevin could be with her (this was hard but i wanted one of us to be by her side.) having to suck it up and try my hardest to LOOK “ok” so that i could be discharged early and be able to go with her. have to suck up my pride and call my parents to drive me to the other hospital. mom comes. i get a call from kevin that babies having seizures. i cry. obviously. midwife (she was determined negligent so a lot of all of this is her fucking fault) told me that it was “normal” and “Happens sometimes” “but you pushed her out though!” i wanted to fucking slap her. it wasnt normal. and who cares if i pushed her out? if a c section would’ve prevented this i wouldve gladly done so for my child’s wellbeing the fuck. 

midwife approves d/c. leaves room. i cry. because wtf is my life. wtf is going on with my baby. everything is a disaster. my mom slams her fist on the food tray and tells me “stop crying!!! youll get that post partum shit!!”

...

because that’s how it works

...

i could go on and on about how the day and day after my baby was born were the worst days of my life not the best. the worst. because i literally almost lost her. she could’ve died that night. she had to be in cooling therapy for 3 days so we couldn’t hold her until she was 4 days old. by that point we already got the talk about the future. about how they didnt know if she’d ever walk or talk or if she’d have behavioral or learning problems etc because of her brain injury .it was a fucking lot.  not to mention at the same time i was so sick physically myself (couldnt keep food down. was trying to pump breast milk for her, but would vomit after every time. it was horrible and i stopped before we took her home) i definitely shouldnt have been d/c 12 hours after birth but i had to because i wasn’t going to be away from her for longer .but it just all was so terrifying and we had a hard time bonding initially because of all of this and it was truly such a horrible time. and then the denial from our family. telling us doctors could be wrong and “she looks fine”. people dont realize how hurtful and not help that is. you can be in denial all you want because it is not YOUR child. and no you cant “see” a brain injury.

 and when there’s no reason to think of all this i can go a long time without thinking of it but then it happens

the triggers.

the pampers commercial. the perfect birth story. a photo of a newborn on their mother’s chest.

and all those emotions just come flooding back and it sucks. i grieve for what life could’ve been if this hadnt happened. i grieve the fact that my daughter didnt get to be held for those first 4 days. that her little body had to go through what it did. that she had to lay on a cold pad (it helps slow down the bodies response to injury, which can prevent further damage) for 3 days after being warm and safe inside me for her whole existence.i grieve because although my daughter is doing well, it still should not have happened. shes not out of the woods. kids w her diagnosis have seizures return during developmental points of childhood.i have no idea what school will be like for her -- and the thing is like its ok. i am capable of handling that when/if we get there but.  it just sucks and none of it should’ve ever happened and i cant change anything. i know that. but sometimes i cant help but wonder what wouldve happened if things had gone right. would i have bonded better? would i not have had such a hard time adjusting to new mother hood? would i have had another child by now? would i have continued on that journey of feeling so happy and content with my life that i was on before all of this instead of just feeling kind of empty and jaded a literal 1/2 of the time? not with motherhood, necessarily, because after the first year i started to find myself as a mother more and thanks to the encouragement i got from her early intervention nurse, i really feel certain that i did well that first year especially. like we both (kevin and i) did our best for her and are partially responsible for her good outcome. but  i mean with life. i feel so jaded half the time. because life is unfair. and i knew that but man. no. life can be REALLY fucking unfair and idk where i’m even going with this anymore. sometimes i can find the way to having a mindset again of, we aren’t in control and all that, i get it but, idk. certain things still shouldnt’ happen and sometimes i really wish i could go back to who i ws before all this, when i had a genuine sense of optimism, because i thought, i had been through some of the hardest days already, and that was naive of me to think, but i just could have never predicted what was coming. and i’m still grieving that.