#NOBODY is unloveable

[tzarrz]

to all people who said PART 1 made them laugh - i lov u 💗 this is for u

[bunnighost]

[thebrainrotsreal]

I LOVE BATMAN OKAY??? And we as a society do not talk about Bruce "Brucie" Wayne enough. Who else is doing it like him? Zero braincell himbo of a persona. Would give a cashier $300 in tip. And he's Batman. Never seen a man with more care, heart, hope, and inability to do anything half-assed. He's givin' a hundred percent or nothing. Man of an expanding number of kids? He's literally a single mom. PEAK!

[vilebunniegirl]

[tsaun]

I watch way too many rom coms. I think it started because I don't believe in love, or at least I don't believe in love for me. Love is what happens to other people. It's reserved for books and movies and TV and poetry, not a guy like me who dreams more than he lives. Love is reserved for the doers, and I'm certainly not a doer. So I'll live vicariously through some characters on a page or a screen, and I'll dream. Because that's as close as I'll ever get to love in this lifetime.

[scuttlefish3001]

the realization that guys still do make the first move, they just don’t do that for me ruined my life

[bunnihearted]

🌧️🫧💭

[taegularities]

will probably delete bc nobody might see lol

[cavinginhisfvce]

i saw a post on twt that said

"They never want to discuss what triggered you. Just how you reacted."

and immediately i thought of billy and all the antis that use his fight with steve as a way to paint him as villain or act like his anger was unjustified. he didn't just beat steve's ass bc he felt like it. y'all ignore the red flags steve was just flaunting and acting as if billy was wrong for reacting the way he did.

billy is clearly a person whose been hurt by adults, in more ways than the show let on, and he thought he was saving max from forcibly growing up in the same ways he had to.

he thought he was protecting her, and instead max was added to the list of people who have done billy wrong and failed to care about what their actions would do to an already messed up kid. (she too, thought she was doing the right thing in the moment, but nobody ever focuses on how max could've easily killed him with sedatives meant for an otherworldly being.)

it's always "he's violent and racist!" and never "he's violent and intolerant from years of abuse and forced ideals"

if you are born of a bad environment, and you're forced to stay in that environment, guess what happens? you are more likely to become a victim of circumstances and your upbringing than to stop the cycle forced onto you.

billy never stood a fighting chance because no one ever bothered to find out why he acted the way he did, they just called him a bad guy and moved on with their lives like he didn't matter.

and to them, and all the characters in the show, billy truly didn't matter.

[missingexaltation]

(this is a bit long and...a bit angsty I guess!)

Eddie knows he's trailer trash. It's like, an undisputed fact. He's dirt poor, with zero prospects, a criminal record and half criminal family, and definitely (one thousand percent) punching above his weight with Steve.

Steve's awesome. Rich, hilarious, friendly and brave and so so fucking loyal it hurts. Eddie's seen Steve's every personification of those traits expressed in a million ways, and he's well aware of how little he has to offer in return. He's always been aware of his faults, having had them pointed out on a daily fucking basis since before he could remember.

And the selfish, greedy, unlovable gremlin that Eddie is, won't can't let this relationship with Steve go until he has to, until Steve is the one to end it. Which won't happen, not if Eddie can help it. Not if Eddie can twist, reshape and alter himself into something that Steve can tolerate.

He knows it's woefully one sided, he's not stupid after all. He knows what it's like to be the clingy, weird kid that's impossible to get rid of, the boundary tester, the motor mouth, the freak. He knows that there's a not small part of Steve that's embarrassed of him, that appreciates it when Eddie tones himself down to something reasonably fucking normal.

Shit, one of his only solid memories of his mom is her shoving him at Wayne and begging him to 'take that fucking kid away' from her. And if his own mama couldn't love him then who the fuck could? So he doesn't blame Steve at all. It's just another fact. Up is up, the earth is round and Eddie is a broken shell masquerading as a semi-functioning adult.

It hurts though, the night he gets it confirmed. It hurts like he's been literally stabbed in the chest when he hears them whispering during movie night, almost six months into their relationship.

Robin's scared that she's losing her best friend, and Steve, assuming that he was asleep, whisper-replying that 'I mean...Eddie's fine, Bobbin, but you're my best friend, my soulmate, I'll never put anyone above us.'

So of course Eddie knows they're not going to have a fairytale ending. There's something intrinsically damaged in Eddie's biology, in his DNA that just renders him as a fond memory waiting to happen. The aberration in Steve's dating history that he'll look back on in a few decades and wonder what the hell he was thinking, (but at least it had been fun at the time?).

But. Eddie'd had the choice, there and then, on what to do.

To get up, walk and lose Steve immediately, or take the coward's way out and pretend he actually was sleeping, that he knows no better, that there's a minute fucking chance that one day Steve could love him, even if everyone around them is tapping their watches and waiting for the inevitable fallout.

And that was the funny thing, if it bought Eddie more time in this bubble, then it was the coward's way every chance he got. So that night he'd stayed still and tried not to curl into a ball and sob when Steve's arm slipped from behind his shoulder and around Robin's instead. He knows his place now, and there was a sick kind of confirmation in that, at least. The timer was set, but there was no telling when the alarm would go off.

And from that night it only escalated further. He set aside his disappointment when their alone time became simply 'alone with Robin' time (unless Steve was horny, at least that was just the two of them). He held it together each time Steve inevitably cancelled or postponed their plans because Robin needed him. He told himself it was fine when they platonically shared a bed during sleepovers with the kids, and Eddie was relegated to babysitter duty downstairs. He sat in the back seat of the car without question, lacing his own fingers together and trying to convince himself that they were joined with Steve's.

He ignored every unknowingly barbed comment that Robin made about 'boys being gross, Steve, how could you do it?', all the while internally begging Steve not to think about it too hard. He pretended he didn't see the triumphant smiles she flashed every time Steve chose her instead, the aching, empty void inside trying to justify itself and coming up short.

He acceded every time without a fight, waiting until he was inevitably alone in his bed at night and could let the agony of loneliness rip him apart, wishing that for once he could be the one chosen first and (despite daydreaming otherwise) knowing that it would never happen. It didn't happen, not for people like him.

He spent nights sleeping in his van to give Wayne and Claudia privacy (because Dustin was a nosy little fucker and they weren't ready to tell him just yet), and wished that he could be at Steve's instead, but knowing that he'd be interrupting their time together. He told Steve that he loved him, relishing in the soft, bashful little smile that he got in return, and squashed any painful, pointless hope of him saying it back.

It was fine, because if it wasn't fine, he would never recover.

Then it was three years into their relationship and holy hell Eddie would never think of not saying it. It bubbled under his skin and was branded in every atom of his existence, and if it made Steve feel good to hear it, so much the better. It was ok that Steve never said it back, it was. Steve must like Eddie enough, he wouldn't have stayed for so long if he didn't, and that was enough for Eddie.

It was fine that Steve and Robin lived together while Eddie stayed in his own apartment. If Steve wanted to live with him, he'd have asked, or at least hinted. As it was, Eddie spent most of his time juggling shitty part-time jobs and a tattoo apprenticeship, saving every cent he could after rent, in case one day he was lucky enough to get the chance to share their home.

He skipped food on their dates, opting for just a water (or a side if he had enough), as paying for both Steve and Robin's food was enough to clear him out if he wasn't careful. Three failed senior years were almost enough to financially screw him over, but not quite.

He worked long hours, but kept his head above water. It kept him busy anyway, kept his brain from obsessing over not seeing Steve for however many days it had been this time.

And he never complained. Not once. If he did, he knew that it was the end for him and Steve, and it would fucking break him when it happened. Cowardice was Eddie's middle name, if you cut him he oozed it before he bled blood.

He'd perfected it.

So when Steve and Robin came back from another impromptu vacation, and loudly proclaimed in front of their friends, the kids and their parents that they had gotten drunk married in Vegas, Eddie was surprised that he felt anything at all.

But he did.

It didn't quite register at first, until he heard the words 'my husband' out of Robin's mouth and then oh. Oh.

That was something Eddie would never have. He'd never be able to walk down the aisle and proclaim his undying love with Steve in front of their friends and family. They'd never get a first dance, or cut a cake they'd chosen, he'd never hear Wayne's proud speech or know the feeling of Steve slipping a wedding band onto his finger.

That wasn't the world they lived in.

He was an idiot. A delusional, dumb fucking idiot for thinking, hoping that one day the world would be more tolerant. Because it didn't matter.

Steve was Robin's husband, he lived with her, vacationed with her, worked with her and took her to dinners with his parents. Platonic or not, she had another part of him that Eddie could never have.

Even if the world was a kinder place for queer people in general, Eddie would never have been an option for someone like Steve. Of course not. Of fucking course not. Holy shit, he was so fucking dumb. Three failed senior years and he's still shocked at the depths of how fucking stupid he is.

He has to be grateful for what he's got.

So when the newlyweds finally remember he exists, and turn to him with glee and mirth in their eyes, he does his best not to let his shattered, grieving, shadow of a broken fucking heart show.

It wouldn't make a difference, anyway.

[serpulalacrymans]

Why is it that you think your love cannot be valued? Everyone expresses love in different ways, what makes yours lesser than others? 🌫

Much of what I said earlier may have been harsh but the sentiment stands. I am invisible and when revealed I am toxic. There is no safe way to pay me mind. As much as I wanted to believe there's someone out there to love me how I need to be, that's just not true and I'm okay with it. I'm tired of pretending it's just taking time. No one I have ever loved is still in my life. Maybe this is why I like the internet so much... I don't have to be around you people. I don't have to show myself. I can stay as invisible as I need to be and you wont leave because my toxicity hasn't been unveiled. And I'm very grateful for that. I would be very upset if you left.

[commander-gloryforge]

mental illness

[frecklystars]

my ptsd is horrific today it’s like I cannot go an hour without having a flashback. I keep spending money on food that I cannot keep down. I keep trying to sleep only to jolt awake after an hour and then having to go to work drowsy and shaky and lightheaded

I always feel so. unlovable when I’m like this. i relapsed on self harming again when I was clean for a couple of months and I can’t help but think that Ken would hate me the most during these times. like he’d take one look at me and just. want nothing to do with me.

he’s never seen human blood before. he didn’t know it was red. what would his reaction be to some girl crying on the bathroom floor, bleeding and vomiting profusely. it would probably scare him. I don’t know how he’d love me when I’m some… shaky and broken fragile thing

he’d think I’m too scary. i never want to scare him. he’d want nothing to do with me if he saw me like this. he’s never even heard of self harming before. he’s a plastic doll. he’d think imm. Really stupid hahahaaa I’m stupid for self shipping with characters when the idea of them not loving me has been beaten into me for so long you’d think I’d learn by now

[voidedjuice]

unfortunately tonight's mood is feeling quite bad about my appearance

[hairtusk]

i should be able to kill myself and not die once a week as a treat for being a big brave girl