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ballorawan740 · 3 years

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SCP Scenarios: When you try you commit suicide (REQUESTED)

WARNING: If you are or know anyone who is suicidal, please get them help! If this topic triggers you, please leave now!

And if anyone's putting you down and you feel this way, let me know (So I can yah yeet them into hell and back again then throw them into 939 and 682's cell >:D)

SCP 073 (Cain)

Cain's heart drop when he figured out that you were suicidal

He probably has figured out bits and pieces since he noticed that you've acted a lot more different than usual

You came from a very abusive family and everyone around you were toxic

Then you came into the foundation and worked hard enough to stress you out

Didn't help that much since your mentor died from an SCP and some of your coworkers were being bullies to you

Which then drove you to become even more suicidal

Found out much later when someone called him in because you were at the medical bay

Glass was sat there beside you and wanted to check up on you

No responses were heard and Glass turned to see Cain's pained look

He told Cain everything that has happened and he was truly heartbroken by all this news

Cain had tried to comfort you and would give you some space if you need

Would remind you every so often that he loves you and makes sure that you're taking breaks

Definitely dealt with the bullies without you knowing

SCP 076-2 (Abel)

He's quite dense so he might not know that you're suicidal

Probably noticed a few changes in your behaviour but wouldn't question it

Definitely didn't try and threaten to kill everyone once he found out that you were injured

Stormed into the medical part of the Foundation and asked for you

Was about to drag you back to his cell but was stopped abruptly because the doctor who was treating you said the scars were from yourself

Abel looked at you with confusion and hurt

He allowed you to rest in the hospital for a couple of days and asked so many questions

And realising that it was because of your PTSD working with the Foundation and not wanting to stress further

Swore to protect you for all of eternity and wouldn't allow you to go back on the field

So you settled to work in an office instead, handling safe classes and taking some time off

Abel monitored you to make sure you don't do it again

Definitely gave you a huge lecture

It was loud enough for the whole floor to hear and everyone just stopped what they're doing just to see what was happening

SCP 999 (Tickle Monster)

To say 999's little jello heart shattered to a million pieces was an understatement

Nobody has ever seen a bright orange blob of happiness looked so worried and somewhat traumatised as he had received the news

That said news was you trying to commit suicide

And fortunately, there were people around to stop you from hurting yourself even more

999 slithered over as quick as possible and went in to check on you

The first thing he did was to give you a big warm hug and to tell you that he cared about you and you meant everything to him

He never complained about you once and you were grateful for that

999 didn't question your reason for suicide since he knows it'll make things worse and that you'd open up to him whenever you were ready

He saw many of the scars you have on your body and was immediately concerned

Noticing this, you explained your situation to him and he was very much understanding

999 would comfort and support your decisions in not trying to commit suicide

Everyone outside just peeked in and was relieved that you've agreed to work on this together with 999

SCP 682 (Hard to Destroy Reptile)

When 682 heard that you wanted to commit suicide, he was confused and concerned

Part of him wanted to know why and the other part told him that you were stupid for doing that

The both of you were transferred into another room as requested by 682

The very first thing he did was to shout at you for doing something so stupid

Moments later after you cried for a bit, he checked up on you, asking if you were alright, making sure you were comfortable and nuzzled your side for a bit

Once you were relaxed, you've told him everything that's been happening and he listened for once

Which did surprise the researchers when they found out moments later

Unfortunately, 682 did breach containment just to hunt down whoever made you feel that way and he did succeed

Then casually went back to his cell which shocked everyone, even you

Well, let's just say that you were feeling much better and nobody ever bothered you again

SCP 049 (Plague Doctor)

049 was sus since you were acting strange lately

He had 100% noticed the scars but didn't ask, thinking that you went on a mission and you were just injured and you went to the medics

Later on, his heart dropped when he heard someone say that you seemed like ending your life, which you did

He came into the room you were in and checked on your injuries and scars

You could see the pain in his eyes when he connected the dots and you didn't need to say a thing for him to understand that you did all this to yourself

049 just sighed a little, took a chair and sat on it then nursed your injuries and gave you such a disapproving look

"Who is it this time?" he asked which shocked you since you've never told him explicitly that something or someone bothered you

But you weren't that surprised since your bird boi is observant af

So you just told him everything and he dealt with the situation professionally

And whoever/whatever's bothering you just vanished out of thin air and nobody ever questioned it

SCP 035 (Possessive Mask)

As I've mentioned in the other chapters, 035 is a master manipulator and actor/actress

So when it comes to body language and the tone you'd use when talking to someone, he would have an idea of what's going on

So when you secluded yourself every passing day and would avoid talking about reoccurring scars on your body, 035 would have quite an accurate guess

When he confronted you about this, you shied away from him for a moment

Since you know 035 well, you just told him everything as he listened intently

He just absorbed all the negativity from you and you just felt better

035 would reassure you and you blindly listened and feel much better with him

And of course, like any other partners out there, he dove into whoever was making you feel suicidal and sorted it all out

After a couple of days, you went back into 035's cell and asked about the missing person

All 035 told you was that the person just got eaten by some SCP and nobody knows how the said person got there

SCP 105 (Iris)

Iris might question your scars here and there if you ever had them

She might not even think that you were suicidal until you showed the obvious traits or if someone told her that you were in the medical bay

Would 100% lecture you about being suicidal then comfort you a second after she's done

She's just super worried about you and even though she's in the foundation with you most of the time, there are moments where she's asked to go into the field with the MTFs

As Iris is rightfully worried about you, if she can't stay with you, she'd make Cain, Dr Glass and Dr Lights watch over you

Maybe Kondraki if he's ok with this

Might even go to Clef and/or Bright if she really needs to

At least they can keep your minds off things

Iris would tend to any of your scars and injuries and motivate you to live

Shows you loads of photos of the happier times you've both shared

Would never let you touch anything that can cause you an injury

Definitely would deal with whoever's making you feel that way if there was that someone

SCP 106 (Old Man)

106 would probably find it hard to grasp the concept of emotions other than the few basic ones

So when he was informed about your attempted suicide, he was confused

not because he didn't understand it, because he definitely did

It's just because he never understood why anyone would do such a thing

Even more so if that person was you

When 106 came to visit you, he would unintentionally show his worried expression which saddened you

Is definitely torn between just comforting you and wanting to ask you about your issue

You did tell him at the end about you wanting to commit suicide and 106 telling you to never do such a thing

Making sure that if someone made you feel this way, he'd deal with them right away and you'd never have to worry again

Although he finds it hard to sympathise with others, he did understand the term, so he would try his best to do so

SCP 096 (Shy Guy)

He's basically 106 but a little denser

096 is 100% more anxious than the other SCPs here and would definitely show signs while he's being observed in his cell

Kind of understands the term 'suicide' but not to a full extent

Like he knows what it is, but not how and why people would do so

When 096 got the news about this from your psychologist, he literally went brrrrrr

Went to check in on you and gave you a bone-crushing hug

Made sure that any injuries were properly bandaged and treated

Started to cry midway through

You explained to him that you didn't go all the way because you knew that he needed you and you'd never leave him alone again

096's worried expression slowly turned to happiness and gave you another hug

Dr Jack bright

Bright would notice something's off with you but wouldn't say a thing just yet

Like if he notices that whatever is happening to you has worsened then he'll confront you

At first, you would avoid his gaze and questions, but you ended up telling him everything that's been happening

Bright was shocked and conflicted about all this information

You could literally see him tearing up as he was trying to find the words but couldn't

He ended up giving you a big teddy bear hug

And you just cried into his shoulder/chest

Jack Bright would try his best to comfort you because he wants to take all the pain away

Whenever he's on break, he'd make sure to check up on you

If he was busy and can't visit you, he would make sure to send someone to check up on you

Most likely Dr Glass

Would tell you about his dark thoughts as well

Only because he understands and you wouldn't feel alone about this

Dr Simon Glass

Glass would definitely know

He's a psychologist after all

Would find a way to get you to be more vocal about the issue

And it's quite subtle so you wouldn't know

Once he gets all the information he needs, he'll start to find ways to minimise the chances of you feeling suicidal

He's just so subtle about this that you wouldn't even know

Once you feel better, Glass feels more relaxed knowing that he helped you overcome the issue

Would 100% still watch out for you in case it happens again

Everybody else notices this and helps poor mama Glass look out for you too

Wouldn't necessarily beat up anyone if they hurt you but would definitely give some warning signs to back off though

Sometimes our hardworking Dr Iceberg ends up helping him because mama Glass is busy af

Dr Alto Clef

As dense as he may seem when it comes to emotions, he is very much aware of your unusual behaviour

Would most likely ask for some advice from Dr Glass

By ask I mean he booked in a therapy session for you and tricked you into going

And yes, you did end up going to see Glass

Simon then informed about your situation with Clef and he was stunned

If it was someone/something making you feel this way then he'd go out of his way to sort it out

After all, Clef is rather good at completing missions

Makes sure to comfort you whenever you're down and suicidal

Sometimes he'd even share his experiences with you

Would try and act goofy but came out rather annoying

Ended up asking Bright to help him cheer you up

Dr Benjamin Kondraki

Kondraki is a little dense but would notice something's off

Wouldn't be 100% sure so he just keeps the thought to himself instead

Would also go to Glass for some advice about your strange behaviour

Glass ended up teaching Kondraki some psychological stuff just so he can be left alone for once

Would never make you feel down about yourself

Definitely would motivate and compliment you

Acts all fatherly with you

Like he's protective with you to the point some people would jokingly say he's your dad

Making you share a room with him because he's worried and wouldn't act up weirdly when you're along

Kondraki might resort to asking Bright and Clef for some help

Might even ask Iceberg to do some of his paperwork because he wants to spend more time with you

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star-maiden · 4 years

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Hey I was wondering what does seeing heart shape everywhere and all the time mean!!???

Hello There! It sounds like you may be experiencing a synchronicity in seeing hearts everywhere and all the time. This is going to be another long post. Before we get into some possible meanings, let’s chat for a bit about what a synchronicity is and isn’t. That way we can be sure to practice using our discernment when synchronicities are involved, and make informed and empowering choices. To be clear though, seeing symbols (repeating numbers, images like hearts, names etc) isn’t bad or dangourous. It is, however, always a good idea to look at many possible avenues before deciding what something means and then acting on it. Also for the record, I’ll be discussing synchronicities through the lense of tarot since that’s what I primarily work with and know well. Just something to keep in mind for anyone reading this.

⭐️ Google defines a synchronicity as “the simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.” This is a pretty good definition, but when people talk about seeing signs everywhere, they are often referring to the more recent and occult definition.

⭐️ In the world of the occult (which in some capacity encompass witchcraft, paganism, the New Age movement and alternative spirituality), synchronicities have taken on a significance beyond their original definition. Nowadays, we tend to see anecdotes of people noticing repeating symbols showing up, such as repeating numbers, letters, images like hearts, certain animals or even songs. Seeing these things over and over again is often interpreted as being a special sign from the universe or from spirit guides, or angels or any higher power that we hope to communicate with. As such, synchronicities can hold special meanging for the recipients. Very much like tarot, synchronicities have become a way to communicate with the unseen world of spirit and the subconscious.

⭐️ The word “synchronicity” actually hasn’t been around for that long. It was coined in the 1950’s by the psychologist Carl Jung to describe what he referred to as “meaningful coincidences”. I’ve linked some reading below if you’d like to learn some more about this. In a nutshell, Jung believed that a synchronicity was part of a deep and complex psychological process that could provide information on an individual’s subconscious and emotional experience. The idea that synchronicities were messages from Spirit guides, angels or deities was perhaps alluded to, but not explicitly part of Jung’s work.

⭐️ Today, we can use synchronicities as waymarkers of sorts. Think of them as the awake and conscious version of dream symbolism. Seeing something over and over again may trigger certain emotions or remind you of something important. The difficult thing about seeing repeating symbols everywhere is that no one else will be able to accurately interpret them for you. They are only meaningful because your mind has created emotional and/or sensory attatchments to them. For example, smelling vanilla might trigger someone’s memory of baking with grandma. This is an example of a sensory attachment that has meaning for an individual because the scent of vanilla is encoded into their memory by a particular experience.

🌟 What a synchronicity is:

A form of symbolism. Thinking through the lense of tarot, we can interpret synchronicities in a similar way. More on that in a bit. It’s important to keep in mind that all symbolism is subjective and individualistic. Because groups of people share culture and language, there is some general overlap (like a rose representing love), but the truest interpretation will always be a personal one.

An affirmation - Seeing synchronicities can affirm that we are in the right path or in the right place. They do this by helping us recall important experiences that remind us of certain qualities, goals or states that we want to achieve.

A message from Spirit, Angels or a Higher Power - This is the common belief. If your spiritual path includes some of these elements and you seek confirmation or messages through symbolism, then it’s possible that a synchronicity could be a message. This won’t be the case for everyone or all the time though. A message recieved through synchronicity or symbolism is also likely to be guidance or affirmation, rather than hard facts. We should always use our discernment when working with synchronicity in this way.

🌟 What a synchronicity isn’t:

A demand from Spirit, spirit guides or a higher power. You are never obligated do do anything when you notice synchronicities beginning to appear in your life. Instead, you can reflect on them. What might they mean in the moment that you notice them? What messages are they trying to convey.

A dire warning. Sometimes I see things floating around the internet about predicting death or serious illness, etc. These kinds of concerns are best addressed with a licensed medical professional. If you have a worry about something, seeing a synchronicity might prompt you to get it checked out with your doctor, but a synchronicty is not a diagnosis.

Universal. Synchronicities are unique and meaningful only to the recipient. While we can generalize and compare similar experiences to generate some possible interpretations, nothing will be truer than an individual’s own personal interpretation. Essentially, you know yourself best. No one else can tell you about your thoughts better than you. It is wise to use some caution here because it’s quite common for unscrupulous “psychics” to charge quite a bit of money to interpret synchronicities for other people. I’m not saying that all tarot readers and psychics who talk about synchronicities are scam artists, but there are definitely some who are. Be discerning in your selection if you go that route. Also be careful with symbolism dictionaries and interpretation guides. There’s nothing inherently wrong with them, but they may not be 100% accurate for you. If you are able to, it’s actually better (and cheaper) to create your own personal symbolism guide.

🌟 How to interpret synchronicities as symbolism.

Like tarot, symbols are a type of visual language. The most useful and meaningful interpretation is always going to be one that you create yourself. This isn’t a glamorous and magical answer, but it’s true. It also might take a bit of digging to uncover. Scott Cunningham’s book, Dreaming the Divine, outlines this process nicely for dream symbolims. I will briefly describe how to create your own personal symbolism dictionary here.

Think of what thoughts, emotions and/or physical sensations arise when you see a heart. Write this down. What words do you associate with “hearts”? Make a list and write those down too. Don’t worry if they don’t make sense. Write down everything that comes up.

Next, you’ll need to spend some time taking inventory of every time you see a heart. This doesn’t need to be fancy. You can even use the voice notes app on your phone. Every time you see a heart, make note of what you were doing and what you were thinking about in that moment. What emotions do you experience before and after noticing the heart. Write everything down.

Compare your notes from steps 1 and 2. Where do you see overlap? Make a venn diagram if this is is helpful. Otherwise, make a list. The places where both notes intersect is where you will find meaning.

🌟 Heart Symbolism

Sometimes we need a little boost to get started. I also recognize that you probably weren’t asking me to ramble on for a million years about synchronicities, and are hoping for some nice, solid info. (Sorry about that. I do have a tendency to go overboard in the explanation department.) Here are some of my personal interpretations of heart symbolism that I’ve put together after years of reading tarot. Please keep in mind that these might not work for everyone. Some are generalized and others are personal. You are welcome to use them if they resonate.

Hearts can represent: 💕

Love & Relationships

Something that you are passionate about

Something that is secret or guarded (close to the heart)

Someone’s innermost desires or feelings

A secret admirer

The core or foundation of something/the reason for something’s existence

Deeply felt or raw emotions

Connection and Empathy

Vulnerability or that someone is easily wounded by words. Sensitivity.

A wound. May be literal or metaphorical.

🌟 Sources & Links

Synchronicities: A Sure Sign You’re on the Right Path. An article from Psychology Today. Describes synchronicities as symbols of affirmation.

Synchronicity: Definition and Meaning. An article from Live Science. Goes into some of Carl Jung’s ideas and presents an opposing perspective.

Dreaming the Divine by Scott Cunningham - Not specifically about synchronicities, but addresses the subjectivity of symbolism and suggests that our own personal interpretations are more meaningful.

The Call of Intuition: How to Recognize & Honor Your Intuition, Instinct & Insight by Kris Franken - This book is about creating an empowering state of awareness for yourself and discusses how to follow the voice of your own intuition. A great starting point for anyone interested in developing stronger intuitive abilities.

#synchronicity #symbolism #witchblr #witch community #witchcraft #star responds #asks #witchy asks #carl jung #intuition

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schoolfullofmorons · 4 years

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petey lowkey having a crush on gary for a long time bc hes a pretty bad boy, but it takes some actual therapy and a small reunion for gary to feel some actual LONGING to have petey in his life again. he becomes surprisingly soft and supportive, in his own way, with their renewed friendship, and it takes jimmy casually promising to kick his ass if he messes up with petey for gary to realize he might actually have developed some romantic feelings for their friend. cue panic and breathing exercises

July, 2007.

Here he stood, on the threshold of hell on Earth, about to talk to Satan himself, and he still wasn't ready to run.

Well, maybe that wasn't entirely accurate. Pete Kowalski, rising junior of Bullworth Academy, was very prepared to run from the menace that had tortured him last year. Gary Smith, the mentally unstable asylum patient, waited for him just on the other side of this door.

His palms had grown hot with sweat, and he nervously wiped them off on his clean, ironed jeans. Pete hated having generalized anxiety disorder. It made him nervous even about this, even about coming here, which was literally his own choice to begin with. The thought of facing his once best friend filled him with a mounting dread that made his throat burn with the urge to cry.

But Pete wanted this. He was determined to get the answers he wanted, because Jimmy and him had been fucked over. And Jimmy might have brushed his hands of Gary, Jimmy might have decided that he was done caring, but Jimmy wasn't Pete and Pete cared way too much. He needed to know why Gary had ditched them, betrayed them, left them to rot. He wanted to know the cause of all this.

And, deep down, maybe he missed Gary, too.

He had been standing there too long, staring at the door. Pete knew if he didn't act soon, the orderly that had trailed behind him would get annoyed. Licking his lips and swallowing down his own anxiety, he pushed open the door, letting the orderly shut it behind him.

And there he was, the mastermind himself.

Gary was so... different, in here, but in reality he still looked like a Smith. All sharp jawlines and piercing stares. When Gary rose his head to look at him, hair that was growing slightly shabby due to a month of no cuts falling into his face, Pete felt his heart skip a beat.

And then a grin passed over his face, his eyes lighting up with genuine joy. He launched himself off of the small white cot all asylum patients had been provided, and sauntered over to Pete with slow, calculated steps. Too proud and too arrogant for someone who was incarcerated.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? Did Petey Kowalski decide to pay lil' ol' me a visit? The big, bad, awful wolf, Gary Smith?" Gary's words cut into him, and Pete felt the urge to wipe his hands off on his jeans again. His friend's eyes bore into him.

Why'd you do it? Was the question that sat on Pete's tongue, but instead he cleared his throat and avoided Gary's eyes. "I... wanted to check up on you. Y'know, see how you were holding up."

"Oh, look at that! He cares about me!" Gary reached out to sling an arm around him, bringing Pete in close with a sharp jerk that had Pete yelping. "Did somebody miss me? Just couldn't sleep at night knowing I was away, could you?"

"No, I-"

"I already knew you weren't straight, but this is taking it to a whole new level."

The protest died away on Pete's tongue and he swallowed as the familiar burning sensation hit the back of his throat. When he didn't get an answer, Gary huffed and shoved him, hard. Pete stumbled, hitting the cell wall and sliding down it.

"God, you're pathetic." Gary spat.

"Why do you have to be an asshole all the time, Gary?" Pete snapped, and in one sudden rush, angry words bubbled up and out of him. "For once in your life, can't you just accept that you're the one in the wrong? You're in a cell, for god's sake! Don't you realize that I'm the only one left who doesn't want you to drop dead? Half the school pities you and the other half hates you! You destroyed our lives! You took away our peace! You don't get to be calling me the pathetic one!"

The room fell silent enough to hear a pen drop. The air around the two boys grew thicker, and thicker, and thicker still with tension. Pete risked a glance at the boy who stood looming in front of him. He had to swallow back fear as he noticed Gary's hands were clenched so tight that the skin was starting to turn white.

Pete pushed himself to his feet, slowly, unwilling to startle Gary. If he moved too fast he was afraid that Gary would snap. A predator in a hunting crouch, moments away from delivering the killing bite. That's what Gary was.

"You know, I used to like you. I used to want you around. I used to think you were smart, and funny, and cool. But now you just remind me of a... a walking toddler, who throws a temper tantrum when he doesn't get his way. I hope you get better, Gary. I hope you get the help you need so you can finally grow up."

Pete sidestepped Gary, who had yet to move except for his head, his eyes slowly following Pete back towards the doorway. Pete opened the cell door and looked back one more time, meeting eyes with the person he once considered his best friend.

And then he left.

September, 2008.

To the parents of Gary Alexander Smith,

I am writing to you to inform you that your son has completed rehab. According to his court order, this is the final step needed in order for him to be released back to the public.

Please note that he will still have to check in weekly with a nurse that will ensure he is still taking his medication. This will no longer be a requirement after his 100 hours of community service is over.

With this in mind, we will be releasing him on the 8th at 3 PM. We require a signature before his release in order to ensure that he is in the proper hands of his guardians.

Thank you for your time,

Happy Volts staff.

The reunion with his parents was about as happy as you'd expect with parents as terrible as his. Really, they didn't talk much through the entire thing; it was pick him up, take him home, and let him clean himself up before they had dinner.

It was the first meal that he had had in a long ass time that was actually good, instead of being almost edible. He really did have a newfound appreciation of his maids after that, though he'd never admit it to them out loud.

The thing about spending a year away from home is that it caused him to reflect on things he could have done differently. It also made him realize that a lot of the shit he had done his sophomore year simply didn't... matter. Maybe it was the medication, and the advice of actual doctors from the state after being transferred from Volts and their terrible medical department, but Gary was beginning to see things in ways he had never thought to see them in before.

For example, he was pretty sure Jimmy had never said anything all that terrible to him. Where had he gotten that idea from? Yeah, some of it was an addiction to power, but he was pretty sure the other part was perceived rejection. Learning about rejection sensitive dysphoria really did help him out in a lot of ways. He just wished it had been explained to him sooner, before, y'know, he betrayed all of his closest pals because of an inexplainable fear that they hated his guts.

(Which now they probably did. Go figure. Pete's words still ate at him when he tried to sleep at night).

That didn't matter as much now, anyway. He wanted to know what he'd be doing. He wasn't trapped anymore, with only medical professionals and other patients that had, admittedly, been really kind to him when they weren't Bullworth Branded(tm). He wanted to know what his future would be like, now that his head was much clearer.

When he asked his father, the response he got didn't surprise him much.

"We've decided to respect Crabblesnitch's decision and homeschool you. It'll be best, in order to prevent anymore... incidents."

And so began the process of sleeping, waking up, eating, being immersed into various studies by a freshly hired tutor with a bitchy voice that Gary tried very hard not to snap at, eating again, and going back to sleep. This pattern only broke on days where he had been assigned community service, or had an appointment with his psychologist.

As the days went on, he began to make the effort to expose himself to the outside world. Being locked up made him unusually skittish around people, and he was still having trouble getting used to the crowd that was his father's staff. This led to him climbing onto the roof of his father's house as he watched the sun dip steadily over the horizon after a long day of studies.

Being in high places had been a huge comfort when he was a child. He liked to watch the world, and he liked to feel in control by being able to see his surroundings. His friends would occasionally join him. He had many memories of Pete's smile catching on the sunset, or his nervous expression watching him as Gary got too close to the edge.

This was their place first, before it became his and Jimmy's. He wondered, briefly, if Jimmy still thought of their battle as often as Gary did, or if Gary just did that because it was the last substantial thing he had ever done with himself before the lock-up.

He really missed those two.

He got it, though. He couldn't have them back in his life. They had both kicked him out, and that was his own doing. He had hurt them, and he might regret it, but he had to let go.

He just didn't know how, when he didn't have anyone else.

December, 2008.

He finished his community service. Christmas break came, and since he had been working so hard on catching up with his junior year studies, his father had allowed him to take it off for himself. He was grateful at the idea of a break; he had been working tirelessly, and was nearly three quarters of a way through his junior year. He wanted to catch up to his senior year already, so that he could graduate in May like the rest of the Class of 2009.

Suddenly filled with free time that he did not want taken up by family, Gary found himself wandering into town more than he had previously. At first he didn't go far, but as the days passed he found himself going on longer strolls until he found himself deep in the heart of Bullworth Vale.

He should have known it would be easy to be spotted there, considering the gym was a hotspot for prep activity. Jimmy's lighthouse was also down here, causing Gary to avoid that spot as much as he could.

It was a smart idea, by all means. Unfortunately for Gary, however, Jimmy was king, and the preps told him everything. Especially Gord, who he'd had an on-and-off relationship with for a few years now.

That's what led to his peaceful stroll being interrupted by a massive fist slamming his head into the side of a brick wall, so hard that his ears rang.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Came a familiar voice in his ear, and his blood ran cold.

"James." Gary grunted into the brick wall. He tried to lift his head up, but was deemed unsuccessful when Jimmy's fist jerked him back down, causing him to wince. "What is it you want? I was busy."

"Busy doing what? Making the smiles of tiny children disappear?"

Gary had to remind himself that Jimmy was completely justified in this reaction, but it was hard when his cheek was beginning to fucking bleed.

"Get off."

"Not until you tell me what you're doing out of jail where you were supposed to rot."

"I got released! I finished the stupid program, okay? Let me go!" Gary hissed, and to his surprise, Jimmy did.

"What program are you talking about?" Jimmy asked, crossing his arms. Gary rubbed the grit off his face and took a moment to let his eyes wander over Jimmy's freckles.

Jesus, he forgot just how many James had. He was like a freckled forest.

"Technically a bunch of different programs... rehab was one, and I went through some community service hours." Gary shrugged. "Does it matter? I'm out now."

Jimmy's face contorted into three different expressions of confused anger, and Gary had to stop himself from laughing out loud at it.

"Like hell you're coming back to Bullworth-"

"I'm not, actually. I'm being homeschooled." Gary replied, smug at his one-up despite his best efforts not to be. It was just easy to feel smug around Hopkins.

(He wondered, briefly, why he wasn't downright pissed at Jimmy for sophomore year; but it had been a long time since then, and Gary was different, more different than he'd ever been).

"What? How long has that been going on?"

"Since September." Gary told him.

"Oh. Wow."

The two of them stood in an almost awkward silence, and Gary flicked his eyes over to watch the road as cars passed by. He had almost zoned out when Jimmy spoke again.

"So, what? Are you scheming to get back in?" When Gary turned his eyes back to Jimmy, the shorter boy was squinting at him, looking suspicious.

"No." Gary said, honest. "I'm not going to bother you, either, if that's what you're going to ask."

"Why? Not that I don't appreciate your kindness or whatever. I'm just trying to understand."

"I get it, don't worry." Gary shrugged and sighed, turning on his heel to face the road. "Honestly? I've had a lot of time to think. And... I messed up with the two of you. Bad. I don't want to pressure you into having to deal with me again, because, well... I fucked up your lives. I understand that now, I understand how bad it was back then for you. I wasn't going to seek you out, but I suppose thinking that I could hide from you forever wasn't necessarily the brightest idea."

"I can't believe this." Jimmy mumbled. "Gary Smith? Showing remorse? Who would of thought."

"Yeah." Gary said, quietly. "Wild idea, for sure."

The two boys stood looking at the cars in a slightly more comfortable silence. It had started to lightly snow, and Gary rubbed his gloved hands together to create the idea of warmth before he half-froze to death.

"I don't know if I forgive you, you know." Jimmy spoke.

"Yeah, I figured." Gary murmured. "And you don't have to."

"I think if you're putting in the effort, I'd like to forgive you." Jimmy told him, and Gary turned his head, regarding him with surprise.

"What you did was... terrible, to be frank, but I've seen worse. You weren't all that bad, back before the fight with Russell." He shrugged and Gary continued to stare. Jimmy had liked their friendship? It felt like a crazy idea.

"And I think... I think Petey really misses you, too." Jimmy shifted to glance at him. "He... told me, about your fight."

Gary didn't like thinking about it, much less talking about it. He clenched his hands into slight fists and let out a small huff. "Really? Man..."

"Its fine, really. I mean, I was pissed at the time and so was he, but I think he just misses you now." Jimmy turned his whole body towards Gary, suddenly furrowing his brow. "Hey, give me your hand."

"What?" Gary frowned. "No, get your own hand to hold."

"I'm not tryna flirt with you, dumbass. I'm gonna write Pete's number on your arm."

"Pete's - what?"

"You should apologize to him." Jimmy said, matter-of-factly. Bewildered, Gary handed Jimmy his hand. Jimmy took a pen out of his pocket and uncapped it, scribbling a hasty number on his wrist, just above his glove.

"Pete's parents had enough money to get him a cell phone. He can answer texts but texting back is a slow process so he prefers to call." Jimmy pocketed his pen. "I'm sure you two can work it out for yourselves though."

"Why are you giving this to me? I thought you hated me." Gary asked him, pulling his arm back to run his fingers over the messy digits that were gracing his skin.

"I never hated you, to be honest." Jimmy told him. "I was mad, but I never hated you. I was always rooting for you, Gary."

"I see." Gary replied. "Thank you, then, James."

"Of course." Jimmy clapped him over the back, causing him to stumble. "See ya around, crazy man."

He went home with black ink on his wrist and the words I was always rooting for you stuck in his head on repeat.

January, 2009.

Gary procrastinated all of Christmas break away thinking about calling Pete.

He didn't know why the task was bothering him so much. It hadn't been difficult to apologize to Jimmy, but then again, he knew he had been wrong about Jimmy going into it. Admitting to himself that he had no idea what Pete thought of him was a different challenge that was taking a lot of effort to push through.

There was also the part of Gary that had finally, finally let him accept that he missed Pete. And now he was getting a second chance with him, to fix things. To make things right.

He really, really didn't want to screw things up. That's why he was having so much trouble with this one, stupid, idiotic phone call.

(Rejection sensitive dysphoria, thou is a heartless bitch).

He was once again by the house phone, twirling the wire around his finger as he held it up to his ear. He chewed on his lip as he continued what had become a daily debate in his head: to call, or not to call?

Fuck it, he said, and dialed the number.

Pete picked up on the third ring. "Hello?"

Gary took in a sharp breath as the static in his head got louder. Was this a good idea? Probably not. Why did he trust Jimmy? Jimmy was a moron, how would he know what Pete thought?

"Hello? Is this a prank caller?" Pete asked, sounding slightly annoyed.

"No!" Gary spoke and then cleared his throat. "No, uh, its-"

"Gary? Is that you?"

"Yes! Yes."

"Holy crap, I thought you were still in-?"

"No, I got released a few months ago. I ran into Jimmy and he said you've missed me, so-"

"If this is going to be another teasing session about how 'homosexual' I am, I swear I will end this call right-"

"No no no, its the opposite actually. I wanted to apologize."

The line fell silent, and Gary shifted from foot to foot as nerves raced through him. Pointless restless energy. Only ADHD things.

"Look, I really messed up with you."

"Uh-huh. I know."

"And I wanted to say I really, really regret it. You were one of my best friends."

"And?"

"And I'm sorry. You deserved so much better than how I treated you."

Another silence. There was a noise as if someone had sat down a dish. "Listen, if you expect me to just accept, then I don't think I can do that."

Gary's finger twitched and he rested his head back on the wall. "I understand."

"But I'll give you the chance to prove that I should accept." Pete's voice was quieter now. "You just... you just have to prove it to me through actions, not say sorry and go right back to being a jerk."

"Yeah." Gary said, equally as quiet.

"Do you want to meet up sometime? To catch up?" Pete asked, and Gary had to fight to keep down the grin spreading over his face.

"I'd like that," he answered.

He might not have been forgiven yet, but he'd take what he could get.

They made plans to meet at a small cafe just outside of Bullworth Vale that following Thursday.

Pete Kowalski, senior of Bullworth Academy, sat in the quiet coffee shop that he had recommended for his and Gary's little "outing."

He had brought his laptop, as he had an essay due for his current English class and like hell was he going to pass up an opportunity to write it in a quiet space. He had actually arrived early in order to start it, since he knew Gary liked to ramble on, and he wanted to get some work done before he was interrupted.

He also wanted to think, which he had been doing between writing paragraphs analyzing the societal symbolism in The Scarlet Letter. His thoughts were turned towards the boy who he was currently meeting today, his good friend, Gary Smith.

He had missed Gary, if he were being honest. That didn't make him any less bitter about the things Gary had done to him, but it was still a cemented fact nonetheless. Gary Smith just... felt like his own addiction. Once you were around him once, he wouldn't get out of your head, and you wanted to see him again and again.

So Pete had decided to meet him here.

Of course, Pete wasn't stupid by any means. If Gary showed up acting like he had the last time they met, Pete would end all arrangements here. But Gary had shown... actual remorse. It was more than he had seen from him in a long time.

He just, really hoped it would work out well.

When the time came for him to show, the small bell over the door rang, signifying that someone had entered the coffee shop. Pete lifted his eyes and was immediately faced with the boy he had been crushing on for a good few years now.

Gary Smith, although he looked significantly less Smith(tm) now, his facial features softened but what could only be newfound maturity. Gary's brown eyes scanned the room and landed on him, and Pete swore his heart fell into his throat.

He was just so handsome. It wasn't fair, when Pete was supposed to be angry at his dumbass.

Gary approached the table, a lot less intimidating in his stride but still as confident as ever. The closer he got, the more his face cracked into a grin, sporting the gap in his teeth.

"Petey. Long time, no see!"

Pete couldn't help but smile faintly. "Hey. Go ahead and take a seat."

Gary slid into the table opposite from him and reached over to grab Pete's cup of coffee without warning. "What are you doing?"

"I could ask you the same. That's my coffee, Gare." Pete huffed and watched as Gary froze halfway to putting the cup to his mouth. A red blush spread over his face and he grumbled, setting the cup down.

"Yeah, sure. Don't share then."

"Don't be a dick. And I'm working on my English essay, to answer your question."

"Essays aren't too hard to write as long as you can focus on them."

"Well, yeah." Pete shrugged and looked down at the computer. He knew Gary had pretty much a natural talent at anything academic. "It just takes up a lot of time."

"What's the essay on?"

"The Scarlet Letter. You ever read that book?"

"Duh? Everyone in our grade has read that stupid ass novel. Its notorious for being boring." Gary rolled his eyes and Pete cracked a smile.

"Yeah, it honestly is. Doesn't stop the teacher from assigning it, though."

"Did you get Galloway again?"

"Nah. Got an actual competent teacher who makes us do stuff."

"Oh, I bet Bullworth isn't taking that one well." Gary smirked and leaned forward. He practically radiated smugness. "How has it been, with ol' James Bitchfucker Hopkins there to rule it?"

"You know, you could be nice to him for once instead of insulting him every other sentence." Petey chastised and rolled his eyes.

"Its our dynamic, Peter. Gotta insult him before the weirdos think I'm getting soft on him." Gary laughed. "Now answer the question."

"Yeah, yeah. Bossy." Pete looked at the words on his screen and then sighed, closing his laptop. Seems his work time was over. "Things have calmed down a lot, actually... the cliques all kind of kiss up to Jimmy, and in turn he settles all their disputes for pocket cash before they can get too violent. Its honestly kind of nice?... A lot of people have, uh, come out recently, and Jimmy's been beating up people who make fun of them."

"Come out?" Gary eyed him. Pete wasn't sure if he was making up the accusation in the burning stare or not. "As in...?"

"Gay, of course." Pete's cheeks burned. He almost wished he hadn't brought it up. "Jimmy is - he's bi, you know? He's been talking to a lot of kids who have come to them about their sexuality, like, um, Mandy-"

"Mandy??? The girl who is always clinging to a guy?"

"She doesn't do that anymore. She even talks to the nerds now, sometimes. As in, like, nicely." Pete shrugged and shifted. "She, she came out as a lesbian."

"What the hell." Gary furrowed his brow. "Did Jimmy put queer shit in the water?"

"Gary, don't say that, its rude. And no, Jimmy just..." Pete chewed his bottom lip and smiled. "He's supportive."

Gary pursed his mouth into a tight frown and Pete narrowed his eyes, his smile falling. "If you say something homophobic, I will cut you."

"Jesus, Pete, I leave you alone for a year and a half and you turn into the sass master. No, I wasn't going to say anything homophobic." He scoffed and turned his head to the side, purposefully ignoring Pete. Pete felt his cheeks burn.

"Okay, well, I just - wanted to make sure. Since, you know. I'm bisexual."

Gary snapped his head around to stare at Pete, and Pete felt his cheeks grow darker. "Stop looking so surprised. You already suspected it."

"I thought - I didn't - what?"

"Weren't you the one to call out the fact that I stared at boys for too long, repeatedly, for years?"

"I never thought you'd actually admit to it."

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't have if I'd had stayed around you." Pete said, coming off colder than he meant to. When Gary's face fell, he blushed and put his hands up. "I- shit, I didn't mean it like that, don't get upset. I just... you weren't the most accepting, Gary. I needed someone who would be so that I could experiment without feeling dirty."

Gary stared at him and then glanced out the window, huffing and setting his face in a tight line. "Yeah, okay. I get it. You don't have to explain."

"So... are you okay with it?"

"Obviously." Gary turned a glare at him, looking annoyed at the implications, and Pete smiled softly.

"Cool."

The two boys fell into a familiar routine after that, with Gary visiting the coffee shop after class on Wednesday to talk. On weekends, when he had nothing to do, he would call up Pete or Jimmy - sometimes even both of them - and they'd walk along the train tracks, talking as they relaxed in the quiet wilderness.

It was nice.

February, 2009.

"So I was like, dude, can you shut up already and give me the dang pencil? I don't care if it has MLP on it."

Gary snorted. "Is it really that surprising that Trent was into MLP?"

"No! That's why I didn't give a shit!" Pete laughed from beside him, and Gary couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him. Pete's laughter was infectious.

Their shoes made crunching noises on the gravel as they walked along the train track. They had been walking like this for a good twenty minutes as they caught up on their week.

"Valentine's Day is coming up." Gary mused. "Do you have a date?"

"Who? Me? Pete Kowalski, the quiet kid? Please." Pete chuckled softly, but it sounded sad more than anything.

"Hey, I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt." Gary teased and gently shoved him. "Do you have anyone you want to date?"

"What, like a crush?"

"Yeah."

"Well..." Pete hesitated.

"You do have someone." Gary grinned as Pete returned to his side. "Who is it? Don't tell me its MLP boy."

"Trent? Ew, no. I'm not Jimmy, man."

"Is it Jimmy?"

"What?"

"Is it Hopkins?" Gary rose an eyebrow. Pete blinked, seeming caught off guard.

"No, of course not. I mean, Jimmy is cool and all, but..." Pete shrugged and glanced away. "I just, like someone else."

"Who, then?"

"Why do you want to know so bad?"

"Because I'm curious. Bite me."

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"Satisfaction brought it back. Just tell me, Pete, please?"

"I..." Pete stopped abruptly and Gary turned, alarmed as a frown made its way on Pete's face. "I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

Well, that's not weird at all. Gary let his eyes roll up and down Pete's figure, reading his body language (which screamed I'M SAD! in all caps), and then sighed. "Okay."

"Thanks." Pete smiled softly.

Gary wondered just why it bothered him so much in the days to follow.

Gary finished his junior year assignments and started his senior year courseload, feeling a lot happier now that he was in the proper grade level, even if he was behind by a small margin.

Despite that, his thoughts were mostly on one person: Pete.

For some reason, it bothered him knowing that Pete had a crush. Especially one that he wouldn't tell Gary about.

It felt like... this strange mix of anger, worry, and sad that Gary wasn't quite able to process.

Mostly because it felt an awful lot like jealousy, and he was not going to be jealous over Pete Kowalski, especially considering that had even deeper implications such as the idea that he might not be as heterosexual as he once thought.

Not that he had ever been attracted to girls, which... honestly, confused him more. Did that mean he was gay? But it couldn't. He hadn't ever been attracted to anyone except Pete. Maybe he wasn't... anything. Maybe he was just Gary.

Did sexuality have to be as labeled as Pete and Jimmy's? And, fuck, why was he even considering this in the first place, he so totally did not have a crush on Pete because he was NOT jealous.

A loud snap brought him out of his thoughts, and he realized he had broken his pencil. Fuck.

March, 2009.

February passed with little to offer. Valentine's Day found Gary wandering Bullworth Vale - Pete said he didn't feel like leaving the house, and Jimmy had a date. Overall, it was uneventful, except for the fact that Gary couldn't stop thinking about Pete.

Spring break would be coming up, the first week of April. Jimmy had suggested that they go camping by the train tracks. Gary had agreed, trying to ignore the pounding of his heart when he thought of Pete being there, sharing a tent with him.

April, 2009.

"Tent building is hard." Gary breathed out heavily as he leaned across a nearby tree.

"Lazy ass." Jimmy passed him with some firewood in his arms, hitting Gary lightly over the head. Gary rose an arm to shove his hand away.

"Shut up. Pete's complaining too." Gary pouted.

"Pete's different." Jimmy passed said boy, who was sitting on a treestump, and gave him a friendly smile. Gary felt jealousy pulse through his veins.

Okay, so he had accepted he was jealous. But that didn't mean anything. So.

"Pete's a loser." Gary retorted and playfully smirked at the boy, who rolled his eyes.

They had spent the first hour or so setting up camp before the sun went down. It had made two out of three of them tired, with Jimmy being unable to feel exhaustion ever.

As Jimmy began to build the campfire, Gary moved from the tree he was leaning against to settle next to Pete. His heart beat hard in his chest as their knees brushed.

"So, little Petey, are you ready for a night with the creepypastas?" Gary teased and shoved him lightly.

"Shut up. Its bad enough that you've been trying to get me into them without mentioning them here." Pete huffed at him, putting one hand up to shove his face away. Gary laughed, ignoring the tingle that ran through his skin where Pete's hand made contact.

"They're fun! Come on, your gay ass can't tell me you don't find at least one of them attractive."

"They kill people!"

"So?"

Pete opened his mouth to respond, then seemed to think better of it, pouting instead. "Shut up."

Gary felt his face slip into a familiar grin. He let his eyes trail over Pete's face as the boy turned away to watch Jimmy, taking in his soft brown eyes. When he smiles he gets dimples...

He felt a burning stare pierce through him, and slowly turned his head to see Jimmy giving him a knowing look with a raised eyebrow. Gary felt panic shoot through him, but externally he kept his face in the same grin.

"Done yet, James?"

Jimmy studied him curiously and then looked back at the fire. "Yeah. Should be enough for the night."

"I brought stuff for smores." Pete smirked and moved away from Gary. He tried not to be disappointed at the distance.

"Hell yeah, we like, gotta roast marshies. That's the first fuckin' rule of camping." Jimmy smirked and sat down by the fire. The sun wasn't down yet, but it was steadily approaching the horizon - it would be sunset soon.

"Marshies?" Pete laughed. "Are you in grade school?"

"Hey, don't diss my flow. Marshies are the bomb, man."

"You're so weird." Gary rolled his eyes and Jimmy shrugged.

They spent the next few minutes unpacking the food, preparing to make dinner. The campsite they had picked out had a grill nearby, and Pete had brought burgers for them all to eat. Jimmy lit the grill and left Pete to cook as Gary stayed by the fire just a little ways off.

"Hey." Jimmy greeted, his voice quiet as he sat down next to Gary, moving to rest his hands on his knees. "I need to talk to you."

"What is it?" Gary rose an eyebrow. "Does Pete need help with something?"

"Nah, that little dude's got it all figured out. I was gonna grill but he insisted. He's had a fascination with cooking ever since his parents decided he was old enough to touch the stove." He chuckled and shrugged.

"Then what?" Gary pulled his knees to his chest, eyeing Jimmy out of the corner of his eye suspiciously.

"Look, man. I don't want to pry, since I know it isn't any of my buisness, but... I see the way you and Pete look at each other."

Gary felt his blood run cold, and he turned his head to look at his friend. "I don't know what you're-"

"Earlier you spent like fifteen seconds staring at his face man, you were practically swooning like a stupid schoolgirl. Its so blatantly obvious that you like him."

"I..." Gary was at a loss for words, panic rising up in his chest. "No, no no no I-"

"I'm not going to tell him or anything." Jimmy held his hands up. "I just want to say... if you mess up with him again, I'm gonna have to kick your ass, alright? So, don't."

"What?" Gary breathed out. No, no no, it can't be that obvious. I thought I was hiding it better than this, I can't like Pete, I can't.

"I'm rooting for the two of you. You two deserve to he happy and its obvious he likes you back, so..." Jimmy shrugged and then furrowed his brow. "Are you okay?"

Gary realised then that he was hyperventilating. "What? Yeah."

"Gary, man, take it easy." Jimmy reached out, hesitated an inch away from him, and then gently allowed his fingers to snag around Gary's wrist once he was allowed. "Look at me. Focus on my hand. Breathe in, breathe out."

Gary took in a deep breath, letting himself focused on the calloused feel of Jimmy's hand around his wrist. He released his breath, and looked at Jimmy. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat.

When he was calm enough, Jimmy let him go and nodded awkwardly. "You good?"

"Yeah." Gary muttered, embarrassment pooling in the pit of his stomach.

"So did I assume right?..." Jimmy murmured, keeping his voice low. Gary nodded, looking into the fire. The heat coming off of it soothed him.

"Really? Does that mean you're gay?"

"I... have no idea?" He could feel his face flushing. "Look, don't tell him, okay? I've only figured it out recently-"

"Recently? You've been looking at him like he's your princess ever since you came back into our lives."

"Don't tease me Hopkins, okay? Fuck you. I was in denial about it, it isn't every day that I actually like someone, let alone like them in that way."

"Yeah, yeah, you're an emotional robot, we get it." Jimmy rolled his eyes. "I won't tell him. But you should. He likes you back, I can tell."

Did he? Gary pursed his lips together and stared into the fire, choosing not to comment. But why would he?

He spent the rest of the night in bewilderment as they roasted "marshies," told horror stories, and eventually went to sleep in the tent. It was weird, sleeping beside Pete with the revelation he had just been presented, and he tried very hard not to freak out.

Eventually, morning came, and Gary got up, groggy from anxious sleep. They had to pack up and then they'd be heading back.

He really, really hated the disappointment he felt because of that.

May, 2009.

Gary decided that emotions were not something he was very strongly suited for.

He had been avoiding Pete, unsure how to feel about his conversation with Jimmy. Part of him still did not want to accept that he was capable of a crush, let alone a crush on a guy. (God, his father would be so pissed). The other part of him wanted to accept it and let go, because Pete was cute and smart and kind and... well, Pete.

As the month went on, Gary found himself missing Pete more and more. It was easy to cancel plans under the guise of schoolwork, but it was becoming excessive. And, well...

Maybe it was time for him to admit to himself that yeah, he was queer. He wasn't sure of the proper term (gay? bi? who knows) but he knew he was LGBTQ+ of some origin. And...

Well, Jimmy had given him a vote of confidence. Maybe he should just go for it.

He held off for a few weeks, but Gary was never one to deny himself what he really wanted. And he wanted Petey to look at him, more than anything.

He decided that he'd have to do this. It was time. And, readying himself, he began to devise a plan.

Pete had a burning frustration for all days dedicated to couples. He had always wanted to be a part of a relationship. It wasn't that he hated being single; he just... wanted to know what that connection was like. And, well, he also wanted to like someone that was actually obtainable for once.

Because of this, he tended to lock himself in his dorms during those days. And, here he was once again, in his dorm.

It was Prom Night, and Peter Kowalski had bought a new book to read to distract himself from the painful torture that is Being Single.

A knock on the door distracted him from Pip's adventure into newfound wealth. He stood up and went to answer it, curiousity pumping through him. Jimmy was the only one who ever came to his dorm, but Jimmy had told him he had a date tonight.

He opened the door to find Gary Smith there, a grin on his face and a suit in his hand. He was dressed in formal attire of his own, making Pete's heart skip a beat.

That is, until it hit him. "Gary? What are you doing here? You aren't allowed on school property."

Gary shrugged. "It isn't like the Prefects will care anyway. Its prom, Pete."

Okay, he had a point. "Still... do you have a date or something?"

Gary's grin widened. "Yes, actually." Abruptly, he shoved the suit into Pete's hands. "Get changed, we're going out."

"What?" Pete furrowed his brow. "But... what about your date?"

"Do I need to spell it out for you? We're going out. I already bought the suit for you and everything."

It clicked in Pete's head, and he flushed a bright red. "Oh!" He squeaked. "Okay!"

He went back in his room and quickly changed. He had not been expecting this, and part of him was still sure that it was a prank? (If it was, well, he'd deal with it later).

Pete stepped out of his room in the new suit. Gary's eyes scanned down over his body, and Pete flushed red, fidgeting nervously. "Is this... okay?"

"Its perfect." Gary told him, reaching out to grab his hand. Pete could see the faintest traces of red blush on Gary's face. "Let's go."

"Wait." Pete stopped him. Gary turned to him, looking annoyed. "For clarification. Are - are we dating now? Like, um, boyfriends."

Gary narrowed his eyes. "Ugh, that's such a stupid term."

"Well?"

"I guess. If you want to be b-words then I'm here for it." Gary glanced away from him.

Pete broke into a grin. "Okay." He said, very quiet, as happiness settled in his chest.

"Are you ready now?"

"Yeah. Yeah, let's go."

#gary smith #pete kowalski #psychofluff #peter kowalski #petey kowalski #canis canem edit #cce #bully scholarship edition #bse #bully #long post #i tried putting a read more but tumblr hates me #ask #anon

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macgyvermedical · 4 years

Text

Soup: a “Tesla + Bell + Edison + Mac” Medical Review

“You have a perfectly functional syringe pump with the PCA in the background, and you’re going to give him an injection with a metal needle? Also, if you’re gonna sedate him you might as well use the IV pump too??? Like, you have a whole ‘nother channel?? Most floor nurses would kill for that setup?” <--- From my notes on this ep.*

Awl - X-Ray + Penny - Duct Tape + Jack - CD + Hoagie Foil - Guts + Fuel + Hope - Wilderness + Training + Survival - Father + Bride + Betrayal - Lidar + Rogues + Duty - Nightmares - Seeds + Permafrost + Feather - Friends + Enemies + Border - Mason + Cable + Choices - Bitter Harvest - Kid + Plane + Cable + Truck -

In case you didn’t see it, the story went like this: After being knocked unconscious trying to prevent Codex from stealing an encoded map to a Tesla-era WMD, Mac wakes to find he’s lost certain memories of the event that are crucial to interpreting the weapon’s location. In order to recover the memories and stop Codex from getting there first, Matty calls on a friend at DARPA who studies experimental memory-recovery drugs. Drugged, Mac enters a dream state to track down the memories, where he encounters his mother, a man he recently chose to kill to save everyone in LA, his high-school bully, and a darker version of himself who thinks Codex’s directive to kill an eighth of the population to save the world might not be too far off the mark.

So there’s a lot to talk about here medically. For this post, I’ll go into the concussion and its aftermath, the drug and it’s administration, and the medical technology that the Phoenix infirmary seems to have at its disposal.

The Concussion/Amnesia:

Mac is knocked out by a blow to the head. He wakes up “a few hours” later in the Phoenix infirmary. I’ve talked about concussions before (see here, here, and here), so I’m not going to go into too much detail about them in this post, but essentially if someone’s out for that long, they’re in trouble.

It’s reasonably common to lose consciousness in a concussion, but it’s usually only for seconds to minutes, and if it occurs at all, that person needs prompt medical evaluation in an emergency room. Even if there ends up being no major complications, like bleeding in the brain or an increase in pressure in the skull, the recovery time for concussions with a loss of consciousness can be in the weeks or months range. Someone who’s out for “hours” is looking at a stay in a neuro ICU and probably severe and possibly permanent brain damage. Like, it’s a season-long arc at least.

Since we’re not seeing that level of medical need, I think it would probably be safe to assume that Mac wasn’t actually out for “hours” as stated. He could have been briefly unconscious, as shown in the house attack scene, but then had trouble forming memories after that, which caused him to not remember the ride back to Phoenix very well, if at all. These are still concerning enough symptoms that I would have taken him to an emergency department instead of to the infirmary, but at least with that scenario there’s a possibility what happened to him isn’t actively life threatening outside of a neuro ICU.

Unlike the extended period of unconsciousness, the portrayal of amnesia isn’t far off the mark for once. The amnesia that Mac suffers is actually pretty reasonable- trouble remembering the incident and the events just before it is common in head injuries, as is having trouble forming new memories after. Not only is accurate amnesia something that I didn’t expect out of Rob Pearlstein (writer of the infamous Guts + Fuel + Hope), but it’s something that fiction as a whole (including, I’ll admit, 1985 MacGyver**) tends to struggle with. So kudos for that specific part of this episode, Pearlstein.

The Drug:

Even if we assume Mac wasn’t unconscious that whole time, the brief unconsciousness and memory problems indicate that he still had a pretty significant concussion that needed medical care and monitoring. I’m guessing that as advanced as the Phoenix Infirmary is, it doesn’t have the capacity to do neurosurgery or intracranial pressure monitoring. That means the Phoenix medical team’s priority in this situation would essentially be to catch any major, life-threatening complication as early as possible, and if one happened, get Mac to a hospital quickly enough to save him.

The best and lowest-tech tool they have to this end is repeated mental status exams. Mental status exams have the patient answer a series of questions like “what’s your name?” “what day is it?” “where are you right now?” “what happened to you/why am I asking you these questions?” followed up with a series of mental tasks like counting backwards from 100 by 7s or making a logical decision based on a given scenario. If Mac’s answers significantly change, from one assessment to the next, that could mean he’s in trouble.

Because these assessments rely so heavily on Mac’s ability to answer questions and perform tasks accurately, and they’re really the only thing that’s going to catch a serious problem early enough to save Mac’s life, the last thing you’d want to do is give him a drug cocktail that would alter his perception of where he is and what’s going on around him. I’ll just… leave that there.

But let’s assume that for some reason they have a non-CT way of assessing whether Mac’s about to die from a brain bleed while in a drug-induced dream state (they do appear to have limited EEG capability- can anyone tell me if this would still be helpful in the context of the drugs?). I’m not going to talk too much about the drug cocktail itself, since it was stated as fictional (so, essentially, anything they say it does it can probably do), but since they do reference it as containing DMT, I invite you to check out the erowid experience vault for DMT for stories of other people’s experiences with it.

I will, however, talk a little about the administration of the drug. In the episode, a syringe with a needle is used to deliver the medication. Though not explicitly shown, I assume Dr. Cheryl inserted the metal needle into one of Mac’s arm veins and injected the drug.

Something that fiction generally doesn’t understand is that inserting a metal needle into a vein in order to administer medication doesn’t happen in a medical setting. Ever. The ONLY way to administer a medication IV in a medical setting is through an IV cannula- a short, flexible plastic tube inserted into a vein, often just colloquially called an “IV”:

If Mac had one of these ^^^, the syringe could attach to one of the blue and white pieces and the medication could be injected without worrying that the needle could slip out of the vein (many IV medications must be injected slowly over several minutes, and that’s a long time to hold a needle still).

Before Dr. Cheryl gives him the drug, she takes his vitals and asks him some questions, namely whether he has ever had “a psychotic break”, then, without explaining further, asks if he thinks he will become violent.

Now, it does make sense to ask someone about their psych history when administering a drug known to have psych side effects, because those can be a lot worse or more likely for people with certain psych histories. Think about SSRIs and SNRIs- they’re good antidepressants, but when given to someone with bipolar disorder, they can greatly increase the risk of a manic episode, and that possibility has to be evaluated before the drug is prescribed.

The conversation should have started with Dr. Cheryl asking everyone else to leave the room. Asking if someone has ever experienced psychosis in front of their coworkers, is not only a serious breach of patient privacy, but could also be incredibly dangerous. If Mac had experienced psychosis, but didn’t want his coworkers to know, he’d either have to lie and risk side effects without being able to prepare, or feel pressured to release that medical information and possibly risk his job or reputation***.

Then she’d ask something to the effect of “have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness, been hospitalized for a mental health reason, or do you take any medications for a mental health problem?” And if the answer to that question was anything that would make the drug particularly dangerous to him, she’d probably tell him the risks and her assessment that it was a bad idea to proceed.

If there was no other option for some reason (I’d argue not the case in this situation), she’d tell him what the risks were, and only then would she possibly have to ask if he knew he might become aggressive, at which point they’d come up with how he’d like her to handle that possibility.

I know it’s not quite as snappy, but I would have really liked to see it.

Plus, unless it’s been asked off screen, Dr. Cheryl hasn’t asked him if he has any other health problems, if he takes any medications, or if he has any allergies, all of which could significantly impact how safe this drug could be for Mac.

Phoenix Infirmary Medical Tech

Now let’s look at some of the bits and pieces in the background of the episode. Particularly, I wanna talk about that chair, the IV pump, and the monitor.

So, chair first- it’s a dentist’s chair. It’s good for dental things and maybe some minor procedures (we have a slightly different chair in a doctor’s office I work at- we use it for things like implanting birth control, removing warts and moles, and providing wound care), but it’s not great for anything else. It’s especially not great if you have to sit there longer than a half hour. Considering we know from previous episodes that they have a full-on hospital bed somewhere at their disposal and possibly a couple of carts (narrower beds you see in the emergency department), I gotta say it makes literally no sense to put the guy who’s unconscious from a head injury in the procedure chair.

Next, the IV pump

We talked above about administering medications “IV push”- a medication “pushed” through an IV by a syringe, one dose at a time. Another way to give IV medication or fluids is via an IV drip or “piggyback”- the medication is diluted in a bag of saline or other IV fluid, and set to continuously run into a person’s IV. These are nice for doses of IV medication that have a lot of volume (like IV antibiotics) medication that wears off quickly and may need constant adjustment (like some kinds of sedation or some types of pain medication or medications that counteract shock), or just straight up IV fluids.

IV pumps control how fast the medication or fluid goes from the bag into the person. You can vaguely control this without a pump using gravity, a drip chamber, and a roller clamp, but if you need to know precisely how many milliliters of medication/fluid per hour is getting into a person, and you didn’t start your nursing career in the 1970s, you need a pump.

The one pictured above specifically consists of a central computer box (colloquially called a “brain”) where the pump rate can be programmed, flanked by interchangeable modules that each do a slightly different thing. The modules on the pump in the episode include an infusion pump, which essentially just pumps fluid from a bag hanging above it into a person, and a PCA pump. A PCA pump holds a syringe of medication (usually pain medication) and delivers a dose of it when the patient presses a button.

Honestly I think the whole things is just chillin’ in the background making the room look medical-y, but they really could have used it to continuously administer the drug or the sedation if they’d really wanted to incorporate it.

Side note, the modules are actually kind of heavy, so you have to balance them a little or the whole thing kinda tilts (see the screenshot from the episode). Also, for some reason if you stick an infusion module on the same side as a PCA module, the brain won’t recognize it half the time. Not sure if it’s a feature or a bug. Below is how someone who has ever once used one of these things would have set it up:

The other thing they have in the episode, and the last thing I’ll talk about before I let you get back to your life (I’m sure your cat misses you by now, mine sure does), is the monitor.

I read several user manuals for this (real) monitor system in preparation for this post. I’ve concluded that it’s way, way above my med-surg pay grade, and usually used in operating rooms by anesthesiologists to monitor sedation level (so at least in theory they could be using it correctly? I’m as shocked as you are, really). I don’t even know what half those numbers mean (beyond the SpO2, heart rate, and respiratory rate), more than just being able to say they (surprisingly) do actually reflect real monitoring options on this thing. This leads me to believe this may be some kind of weird product placement thing? As if the gratuitous use of the Toyota backup cameras weren’t oddly forced enough.

Now, beyond the fact that this is a wildly high-tech, completely overkill machine for what is happening in the episode, the thing I would like to impress upon you is that regardless of the high tech-ness, every line on a monitor requires at least some attachment to the patient. Something measuring an EKG requires at least 3 leads on the patient. Something measuring oxygen saturation and pulse requires a clip on an ear or finger. Something measuring blood pressure requires a blood pressure cuff. Something measuring temperature usually means a probe somewhere the sun don’t shine. Mac has two little leads on his forehead. That is actually hilarious. He’d be covered in wires. He would have so much adhesive stuck to him.

In case you’re wondering, the heart/lungs/brain/person outline picture on the monitor just tells you how each part of the body is doing- like, the brain will turn yellow and then red if something starts going weird with the brain-related monitoring, same with the heart and lungs. It took an insane amount of searching to figure that out. I’ve been writing this post for 4 days now.

*I had a much longer and rant-ier intro to this but I feel like I’ve complained enough on main about how the reboot dumbed down and politically neutralized an extremely opinionated and hardline character. I do really like this show, and the storylines are really interesting, but I need you all to understand how science-based and politically charged the original one was, especially in later seasons. You had such a platform for good here, CBS, and I’m hoping against hope the generic-action-show it’s become was some kind of weird, collective misunderstanding and not a censor problem. My main problem, having finished writing this post, is that he looks really weirdly good for someone who was unconscious with a head injury and then subjected to what was another few hours unconscious and hallucinating. Like, his shirt is still tucked in. Great update to the theme song, though.

**Twice. They played the bourne-style-amnesia storyline twice.

***At this point I can only recommend you watch the 1985 MacGyver Season 7 episode “Obsessed”- it’s a ridiculous-criminal-plot episode but the undertones are all anti-ableist (both criticizing the Phoenix Foundation board of directors’ ableism in assuming Pete is no longer fit to do his (desk) job after he loses his sight, and the pressure Pete himself is under to let MacGyver go because of mental health symptoms).

#MacGyver #medical review #tesla + bell + edison + mac #head injury #unconscious #drugged #whump #needles tw #hospital tw #drugs tw

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throughtheglassdarkly · 4 years

Text

Roadblocks, part 6

Welcome back. When last you were here, we made sure Yova and Marigold would be able to bump clams in peace. Onward.

Our next misadventure got underway less than a week later. Though it was one of those weeks that just draaaaaagged. It almost felt like a year passed.

I was the one who got the first inclination that something might be a little off. I’d had a busy, if not particularly eventful day, and finished off the evening giving my nightly report to Adrian via Paisley. I settled in for the evening and fell asleep, which is when things got weird. I’ve mentioned how we’re lucid dreamers and can more or less change our dreams however we want. What was weird was how understated my dream that night was. It was pitch-black, aside from a few grayish light sources, and all I could make out was a box in the vague distance.

I made my way to the box, hearing upbeat music get slowly louder as I did. The box itself was about five feet tall, painted red, with cracked, dimly-lit lights lining each edge, going up about halfway. The top half was clear, and inside was an animatronic. It looked just like one of those Zoltar fortuneteller machines, except that the animatronic inside looked exactly like Adrian. I summoned up a quarter – sometimes lucid dreaming comes in handy – and put it in the slot. As I did, a prerecorded voice that sounded almost like Adrian, if it hadn’t been so lifeless, said, “A familiar face awaits you.” And where the fortune would normally pop out on a little piece of paper, instead I saw a ticket with floral embellishments around the side and elegant letters read, “ADMIT ONE: SMILE LAND.”

I had never heard of Smile Land before, and seeing this pastiche of Adrian, trapped inside a cage and forced to give fortunes, made my stomach hurt. So I pushed it away. I drove away the darkness and conjured up memories of my favorite running path in the Adirondacks, a place with beautiful vistas overlooking the autumn foliage and under clear, cold skies. It was a place I wanted desperately to take Adrian to, and it felt more real and permanent than most of the other dreams I’d had. I woke up the next morning remembering everything in perfect clarity.

But while my dream was weird, it was far from the weirdest thing that had ever happened. And I wasn’t the only one who had things going on. As it turned out, it was Day who got the most specific instructions. Bella had brought coffee over and was sorting through his paperwork, only to spot some official correspondence from the Autumn Court. Opening it up, she found a stiff-sounding letter from Stella that said, in about 800 times the words, “This might be nothing, it might be something, you should look into it.”

Bella turned and, in her usual dulcet tones, bellowed, “DAAaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAAAaaaaAAAAAAY! You got a letter!” Day grumbled from where he was halfway through nursing his hangover and Bella walked over, smacking the letter on his chest. Day read through it and found out there were a few odd disappearances in the area that Stella had become aware of. Given that Day made it his business to continue the investigative bent, she decided to reach out to him first. The missing folks didn’t seem to have a lot in common: one was a woman in her mid-60s, one was a college-aged dude, and the last was a random office-worker. They weren’t similar in any way, shape, or form, but they each had one thing in common: before they disappeared, each one mentioned that they had been hearing really strange music at random times and it was starting to get to them.

Day pulled up the databases and began checking where each of the three missing people lived. “Do you need me to call the others?” Bella asked him. “Nah, I’ll look into it,” he said. Bella made a big show of picking up his coffee mug and saying, “You’re the boss man around here, I’m just your lowly secretary making sure everything here stays neat and organized.” “Lowly secretary, my ass,” Day grumbled, heading out the door. He decided to start at the retirement community the older woman lived at.

From the outside, her home looked like every other one on the block, and he managed to pick the lock on the front door after a couple of minutes. Inside was a very neat apartment in cream and lace, decorated in stereotypical old lady Precious Moments style. Looking around, he didn’t notice much out of place. But then, after a minute, he started to hear a faint tune, almost like an ice cream truck jingle. It was there, and then gone.

On leaving, Day bumped into one of the missing woman’s neighbors and asked him if he’d noticed anything out of the ordinary. He mentioned that he did happen to spot something near where they both put out their garbage cans. He handed over a tattered, stained piece of paper, which read “SMILE LAND: ADMIT ONE.” Yeah. The neighbor said he’d asked around at the community hall and nobody had heard of Smile Land before. He hadn’t seen any advertisements for it and nobody had been talking about it. The last time he’d seen her was about a week ago, standing outside her front door looking dazed, like her head was in the clouds.

Day got back in his car and called Bella, asking her if she’d heard of any new carnivals or circuses in town, instructing her to look into Smile Land. “Aye-aye, captain,” Bella said, pulling up our old friend Professor Google. There weren’t any results, but the more Bella thought about it, she was almost sure she’d heard the name Smile Land before when helping Marigold sort through some documents. So she gave our resident librarian a ring.

And where was Marigold during all this, you ask? At the gym, cheering on Yova as she went through her boxing routine. Ever since they’d decided to make it official, they had been nauseatingly cute and by each other’s side almost all the time. Marigold wasn’t too busy to take Bella’s call, and when Bella asked her about the Smile Land ticket, Marigold perked right up.

“Oh, that’s a very interesting story!” she said. “No one that I know of has actually been there, so I can’t say for certain if the information is 100% accurate, but from what I hear, it’s a sort of – well, it’s like a Hollow, but bigger, within the Hedge.” “A Tardis?” Bella asked. “Well, no. Hollows are maybe a room or two, maybe the size of a small house. This is an entire area that has a hobgoblin, or someone, I’m not really sure, in charge. A few people have been there. It’s sort of set up like a fair,” Marigold said. “Oh, it’s like an amusement park!” Bella said, perking right up at the thought of fried food. “Yes, exactly. Why do you ask?” Marigold asked. Bella went over Day’s job and how he asked her to help him find it out. Marigold perked up again and told Bella that she needed to make another call and to wish Day good luck on his investigation. “Tell Yova not to do anything I wouldn’t do,” Bella said.

Yova came over for a breather around this time and Marigold looked up and said, “Bella says hi, and ‘Get it, girl,’” Marigold reported. Yova gave her a wink and said, “Well, I think I’ve gotten it,” and I’m sorry if you need to go throw up from the cuteness, I am merely the chronicler, what do you want from me.

And it was at this point that Marigold made a call to one of the other changelings in the Autumn Court, a Beast Leechfinger by the name of Dr. Alexander Dickinson. Now, how to give you the full Dr. Alexander experience? To describe him as unpleasant and lacking any interpersonal skills would be like saying the Hinderberg was just a little static cling. Maybe it’s best just to give you their conversation.

On answering, Dr. Alexander asked Marigold what she wanted. “I know that you’re interested in biology and that sort of science and, well, some of my friends are apparently looking into a carnival or fair,” Marigold said. “Can’t say I’ve heard of a carnival that has much medical interest going on,” Dr. Alexander said. “Well, they should have sideshows and curiosity cabinets and that sort of thing,” Marigold said. “And with enough makeup, any poodle can look like a pig. What’s your point?” Dr. Alexander asked. “Well, I was just trying to be nice. I thought it might be something to look into for your research,” Marigold said, hanging up and harrumphing.

Yova’s girlfriend-in-distress sense was tingling, so she took a break from beating the crap out of her trainer and went over. “Someone was rude to you,” she said, drawing herself up to her six and a half feet of height. “I try to be nice, and I try to be helpful, and –” Marigold began, before being interrupted by her phone ringing.

“What sort of friends?” Dr. Alexander asked, when she answered. “Well, it’s, um, some of the other Court changelings. They’re new here. Bella is with the Spring Court, and if she’s asking about it, I assume her motley is as well.” Dr. Alexander asked her where we were going to be meeting and she told him she’d pass along the word to all of us to meet at the Autumn Court lodge.

Which, spoiler alert, we did. None of the rest of us had much going on, and I had just baked a batch of delicious muffins, so we piled in, congregating around the large fireplace in the lodge foyer. And it was around then that Dr. Alexander Dickinson arrived. To give you an idea of what he looks like, picture average height and build, a very reptilian appearance, wearing lab coat and slacks. The worst part is that his hands each have lamprey mouths in them. You learn quickly not to shake hands with him.

I tried to be friendly and asked, “Hey, doc, want a muffin?” “No, thank you,” he said. “Do your hands want a muffin?” I asked. Yova stood and held out her hand, unwisely, saying, “I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure.” “Of course you haven’t had the pleasure. He’s not your type,” Day quipped.

Once the introductions were out of the way, Marigold explained that Dr. Alexander asked that she call us all there. Bella brought up Smile Land, which almost made me choke, and I spent the next few minutes coughing a bite of muffin out of my lungs. Marigold explained what Smile Land was: “At least from what I’ve managed to read about, it’s sort of like a fair, circus thing. House of horrors, sideshow, animals, things like that. I thought Dr. Alexander might be interested since he has an interest in fae biology. It might be a place he could do some research. I know that those places, they tend to have – or exploit, rather – things of strange physiological nature.”

I managed to clear the muffin from my airway and told them about my dream from the night before. “Well, that certainly seems like more than serendipity,” Yova said. Day brought up the letter he got about the disappearances the Autumn Court wanted him to look into. He explained how none of them had anything in common other than the weird music they were hearing. Pam brought up the possibility that since this was involving the Hedge, there might have been a chance that we were looking into changelings, not regular humans. As we discussed possibly going to take a look, a chill of dread went up each of our spines. There was only one person I knew of who could project that much horror and dismay in her mere presence.

So I turned and said, “Hey, Stella. Muffin?” “No, thank you,” she said. “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. Detective, I’m quite pleased you got on this so quickly. It was faster than I expected. And you even got Alexander out of his notes. How pleasing.” “Yeah, that was my plan all along,” Day said, shooting his gaze from side to side. “Oh, you don’t have to make excuses, it’s just a pleasant surprise. Good morning, Alexander,” she said. Alexander nodded. Those of us in the Autumn Court are the best at pleasantries. Stella looked at us and said, “I would just like to note that from what we could gather, I’m fairly sure those who disappeared are not changelings, just humans. IT was the manner of their disappearance that caused our concern.” And then she floated backward out of the foyer, floated backward up the stairs, floated backward into her office, and the door closed without anyone touching it.

There was little else to do at this point but go off to the carnival. Marigold elected to stay behind, explaining that she didn’t have any particular interest in going herself and she trusted Yova to come back with a full report. As we moved out of the lodge and into the Hedge, I closed my eyes, trying to remember the feeling of the ticket and what it looked like. The music that came from the automated Adrian and the sound of his voice. After a few moments, I had a strange sense of direction – not really a cardinal direction, more of a sense of “this is where we need to go.” I opened my eyes and looked over my shoulder, telling everyone, “Follow me.” And we set out into the Hedge.

For the first forty minutes or so, everything was fine. We were still in the area of the Hedge considered close to the human world. As we got further out and it was less charted and wilder, the briars started getting larger and blocking out more of the sun until we were in an area where we couldn’t really see anything through the briars and brambles and thorns. The vines got wider and harder to avoid. The path became less obvious, and while most of us were able to keep on it just fine, Yova and Dr. Alexander fell behind a bit and got distracted by some sounds, the cawing of what they described as large birds rustling in the thorns. As they were looking around, the brambles lifted up from the ground and tripped them up a bit, falling further behind. They were able to eventually catch up, but were definitely scraped up in the process.

It took about another hour for us to find ourselves in a place where the thorns started clearing out. We couldn’t see the sky through the canopy of vines, but the ground itself was much clearer, and there was a light up ahead on the path. And once again, I hear the creepy calliope music, slightly out of tune. There was a molded metal gate and a large wooden fence going out and extending as far as the eye could see. The gate had a filigree motif going up at least fifteen feet, much higher than it needed to be. The metal was molded to say “SMILE LAND” and had flags flying from it. A hobgoblin, much taller than we were used to seeing, was dressed in red and white vertical stripes, hunched over a little ticket booth.

As we gathered and took in the thoroughly depressing sight, Yova sighed, “Why does nobody ever tune their calliope?” “You know,” I said, “I’ve always said that is one of the most pressing issues we’re facing today. We need to get these kids off the mindset that they have to go to college and send them to calliope tuning school. Calliope tuners are going to solve the unemployment problem.” Yova gave me her patented listen-here-you-little-shit look that was only interrupted by the goblin addressing us.

He smiled wider than his face should have been able to accommodate, saying, “Customers, welcome! Step right up! Welcome to Smile Land, the happiest place in the Hedge!” “Hardly a high bar, is it?” Dr. Alexander asked. Oh, we pride ourselves on being the most fantastical location of entertainment for miles, kilometers, leagues, whatever form of measurement. You’ll find no more a magical or whimsical place than this,” the goblin replied. “I take it cash will work?” Dr. Alexander asked. “All we ask in return is your happiness,” the hobgoblin said, grinning even wider. “I have cash,” Dr. Alexander said.

As we walked through the gates, we saw a plethora of people. There were some goblins, some obviously fae-touched though it was impossible to tell the origin, and a good number who were obviously human. The humans all looked dazed and not quite lucid. In fact, most of the fairgoers didn’t really look lucid. It was like they were moving about in a daze. Bella scanned the crowd and said, “They look like they know where they are, but they don’t look like they’re awake. They almost look like they’re sleepwalking.”

Around us were the usual carnival staples. There was a large selection of carnival games with barkers of fae origin. Most of them looked like goblins, some were changelings, but they were all drawing customers in who seemed to be participating in the games in a half-hearted way. There was a large circus tent near the center o the area and advertisements for a freak show, which, given the level of strangeness we were used to by now, made all of us wary. There was a Museum of Wonders that looked oddly like a Ripley’s Believe It or Not!, and a section of festival foods, though it had a very acrid smell wafting away from it.

We decided since there was so much ground to cover, the best thing to do would be to split into three pairs, and if we found one of our targets, to bring him or her back to the central area. Day had three pictures that he showed to each of us: an older woman with short, curly hair; a college dude with a linebacker build; and a middle-aged guy with a tragic combover.

Day and Dr. Alexander headed for the freak show. There were advertisements for the standard array of freaks: the strong man, the bearded lady, the sword-swallower, though the pictures hinted that none of them were quite as tame as you would see in the human world. The barker encouraged the crowds to come in and Day and Dr. Alexander shuffled along with them into a long, tented hallway. At first, things didn’t look too egregious. There were a few strange-looking hedgebeasts tied up and looking absolutely miserable. A few contortionist hobgoblins contorting in ways that bodies shouldn’t. They spotted one changeling with a more human appearance than they others they had seen who had a rubbery sheen and appeared to be the sword-swallower act. The sword wasn’t piercing it, but was stretching its neck down to the floor. It wasn’t able to let any noise out around the steel.

Further in, Dr. Alexander spotted a humanoid thing that had been carefully vivisected with each layer of it stretched out like a page in a book. It moved from the skin down to the muscles and the skeleton and organs, which were still pulsating and moving. Its eyes were darting around, looking at the passersby. There was no expression because the face muscles were held in place by wires. I have no idea how this didn’t hit him hard as a Beast – I almost barfed when he told me about it. But he just started making hasty diagrams. Day didn’t pay a huge amount of attention, because across the way, he spotted the linebacker college student.

Bella and Pam, especially Bella, wanted to go into the Museum of Wonders. Bella pulled Pam by the hand toward it and inside. Unlike most of the rest of the tents, the museum was an actual building. Once they were inside, they were able to see some rides that weren’t visible form the entrance. Moving through the exhibits, they saw a bunch of magical items and knick-knacks, though nothing as impressive as they would have expected from the name.

Eventually, they arrived in the center room, which had a shut door and a sign above it reading “THE DREAMATORIUM.” Here, they saw little crystals lining the walls, almost like a honeycomb pattern. Each crystal was about the size of a fist, with a very flat surface and bevels on each end. Though they were about the same size, they were all different shapes and colors. Within each one, they could see first-person views of things. None of what they saw was magical, but they seemed to be important events: one had a beautiful ocean vista, another was staring down at a first-place medal in a hand, another had two hands out with a laughing, smiling baby bouncing up and down in the air.

Bella realized what was going on – she was seeing the happy memories of all the fairgoers. She looked back and Pam and said, “They said all the admission costs is your happiness. These are people’s happiness.” Pam made a very mom, “Mmmm,” before saying, “That doesn’t seem like a good thing for them to have here.” “I don’t think this is a good place to begin with,” Bella said. Around this time, they realized that everyone in the museum was a fae nature and they decided to skedaddle before they got into trouble.

Team Gay decided to head to the games and carnival barkers. As we walked along, we could see the standard games: toss the rings or darts at balloons, what have you. Then there were the ones that were a little more exotic looking. There was a dunking booth with a squirmy little hobgoblin above a tank of what could only be described as eau de goblin pee. We could smell something that vaguely resembled fair food. Or maybe “food” would be more accurate. It smelled fried, but the oil didn’t seem right. Not like it was rancid, just off somehow. There were goblins and changelings of all shapes and sizes shouting for people to come play the games, but everyone doing so just seemed like they were going through the motions.

“Ugh, this is gross. I didn’t even like the fair when I was human,” I said as we moved through. “I mean, I played a few fairs, but they weren’t like this,” Yova said. It took me a moment to realize what she was saying and then I looked up and asked, “Did you play the Ren Faire? Oh, my God, you totally played the Ren Faire.” “Well, of course I did,” she said indignantly. “It was a gig and Julliard isn’t cheap!”

We probably would have continued bickering if our eyes hadn’t alighted on the older woman from the pictures sitting at one of the water gun games. She and the other patrons weren’t making much progress, but they just kept playing it. And it was then that I looked up and saw what they were playing for. There was some costume jewelry in all shades of the rainbow that was the grand prize and IT WAS SO SHINY but Yova literally tackled me right as I was about to sit down in one of the open seats.

The goblin running the game tipped his hat and said, “Well, that’s a shame. It looks like your friend wants to play.” I gave Yova my friendliest smile, which has on occasion caused small children to burst into tears and made adults offer me Advil. Yova, however, just sighed and sat me down and I eagerly took the controls. And I kicked their sorry asses. The little water balloon rose up and up and I beat them all by a healthy margin. The barker congratulated me and handed me the teensiest, tiniest little cheap crappy ring. It wasn’t shiny at all. I looked up, confused, and the barker pointed to the chart that showed prize progression, explaining that with a couple more tries I could win my way up. I looked over at the other competitors, who didn’t seem like they wanted to move at all. Everyone was waiting on me to see whether the game was going to start up again.

But I am nothing if not determined to get shinies. And I can’t really explain what it was that made me go along with it. The barker just seemed so convincing in his praise and his confidence that I’d be able to get the grand prize without any trouble at all. I wanted to play again. So we went.

While I was playing, Yova managed to strike up a conversation with the woman we were seeking. “That was a good run, you’re doing quite well at this. You seem very skilled,” she said. The woman gave her a wide smile, but it didn’t go above her mouth. “I’m having so much fun,” she said to Yova, before turning back to the game.

And I kept playing. The second time, I tied with one of the other players. And we kept going. I tied some, I won some, I lost some. What I didn’t notice, and which Yova had to point out to me, was that rather than everyone getting a separate prize as they won, the barker was just moving the same small ring around between whoever won most recently. She eventually stepped up to the barker as I was getting the ring back. As he looked away from me, the urge to play – other than my motivation for the shiny – was gone.

The barker asked Yova, “Can I help you, miss?” “Yes, you can,” she said, snatching the ring from my hand. She crushed it in her hand and blasted her Glamour, overwhelming the barker with her flaring aura. “I think all of these people have played enough for the day. Maybe some of the other patrons would like to patronize your lovely establishment?” The goblin gulped, looking like the vibration on a string instrument. He shooed us away from the game, starting his step-right-up routine to a new group.

Yova swept me away and put a companionable arm around the woman’s shoulder, steering her off the main thoroughfare. “You took my prize,” I said. “You weren’t going to win the jewelry, Derek,” she said. “I won that. It was mine,” I said. “I’ll give you a quarter to use on a gumball machine when we get back,” she said. I gritted my teeth and started grimly singing, “Toss a coin to your witcher, o valley of plenty, o valley of plenty.”

While this was going on, Pam and Bella exited the Museum of Wonders, ending up closer to the rides section. Both of them were feeling off about what they saw in the Dreamatorium so they sought out anything that might be distracting. They were near the ride area, which seemed like the most standard part of the entire place. There was a Tilt-A-Whirl, a Scrambler, a House of Mirrors, all looking a lot ricketier than even the usual traveling fair. The closest ride was a massive Ferris wheel, creaking as the cars circled around. It jerked with every stop to let more riders on. And, just stepping on to take his turn at the Ferris wheel, was the middle-aged dude with the combover.

Bella and Pam quietly conferred on what to do. “Should I be loud or quiet?” Bella asked. “Let’s let fate decide,” Pam said, pulling a nickel out of her coin purse. She flipped it and it came up tails for loud. Bella started running toward him, yelling, “HEY SIR EXCUSE ME SIR!” She jumped at him, managing to get his attention, along with the attention of everybody else in the Western Hemisphere. She gave him a big grin and he looked at her, blinking with glazed-over eyes. Everyone was staring at her. “Are you having fun? Let’s go on the Ferris wheel together!” she yelled. The operator, a Wizened changeling woman around Pam’s age, if a bit taller, was looking at Bella almost in awe. “There’s so much life in you!” she said. She and the other fairgoers were all staring at Bella and she could hear chatter amongst them as she got on.

Pam, meanwhile, moved over to the changeling running the Ferris wheel and ensnared her in the honeypot of Minnesota Nice conventional talk, asking how long she’d been working there, if she could use a break, if they were treating her right. God bless Pam and her ability to talk about nothing forever. As the car that Bella and combover guy were on lifted up, the operator pulled Pam aside and said, “Listen, let me give you a piece of advice. All of us working here, we’re here ‘cause we wanna be. But if you’re not here ‘cause you wanna be, I’m gonna suggest you try to get out of here pretty quickly.” Pam thanked her and said she needed to round up her friends. “Oh, you’re gonna wanna grab them and haul ass real quick,” the woman said. “Especially your friend up there.”

Speaking of Pam’s friend up there, Bella was being stared at in awe by combover dude, who asked her how she feels so happy. “I always try to feel happy, even when I’m sad, and I’ve been sad a lot lately. I use it as a coping mechanism so I don’t recognize the emotional trauma I’ve been through recently,” Bella chirped. He asked her if it was possible for her to feel happy and she asked him what made him not feel happy. He thought back hard. “I don’t remember,” he said after a long moment. “Well, do you know who you are? What’s your name? Do you like anything special, chocolate or ice cream?” Bella asked. He closed his eyes and thought very hard. “My name is… Jason?” He sounded unsure and Bella continued to ask him about his life, if he could give her any details. He kept thinking as hard as he could and admitted he didn’t remember much about what he liked or didn’t like. He couldn’t remember anything about himself, other than his first name. After a while, Bella said that they needed to figure it out. “You’re going to help me find happy?” He asked. “We can try,” she said. “A lot of people will try to take your happy away from you. It almost happened to me. You don’t want it to happen to you.”

They reached the bottom of the Ferris wheel and the operator told them it was time for them to let some other people get a ride. Bella interlocked her fingers with Jason’s so as to not lose him, and walked him off the ride. She introduced him to Pam, who suggested that they start walking and see if they could find us. Pam, of course, had a bar in her purse, and she handed it over. Bella took it and gave it to Jason, telling him that Pam’s bars always made her happy. He bit into it an the corners of his mouth turned up slightly. “This is a good start,” he said.

Pam and Bella met up with Team Gay at the meeting spot, where we were still sniping at each other and I had moved onto “Scarborough Fair.” Bella took the bar and handed it over to Priscilla, the older lady who we had found, but it didn’t seem to have the same effect on her. We were all realizing that the fair was stealing emotions, and the longer we were to stay, the more emotions it would steal from us. If we stayed long enough, we’d end up emotionless husks like the people wandering about.

Back in the freakshow, Dr. Alexander was still very busy taking notes on the vivisectioned creature. He looked up after a long while only to realize that he’d lost sight of Day. When he went looking for Day, he managed to find some taxidermied creatures that he started going over intently, noting the aspects of their biology which didn’t seem to make sense by any medical standard he knew. After about another fifteen minutes of this, he spotted a couple of carnival employees whispering among themselves and pointing at him. One of them, a Blunderboar – the same sort of gorilla creature who snagged Bella and Day back in Arcadia – started making his way toward Dr. Alexander. He didn’t approach at first, he just seemed to be trying to figure out what the good doctor was doing (something that has eluded the entire Autumn Court, to be fair).

After a few minutes, the Blunderboar stepped between Dr. Alexander and the exhibit, only for the doctor to take a step to the left and continue taking notes. “Sir, you need to move along,” the Blunderboar said. “Any reason why? I paid my admission,” Dr. Alexander said. “You’re holding up traffic,” the Blunderboar said. Dr. Alexander lifted his head at that and glanced around. Not only did people seem very easily to be abele to move around him, but there weren’t a huge number in this part of the tent anyway.

“It doesn’t appear that way. I could take a step forward, if you like,” Dr. Alexander said, stepping forward. The Blunderboar attempted to pick him up by the front of his collar, lifting him a few inches off the ground and moving him away from the exhibit. “We don’t want the likes of you around here,” the Blunderboar said. Dr. Alexander held up his lamprey hand and said, “Let go of my shirt. The only reason I am bothering with this farce you call an exhibit is because you’ve saved me a few hours of dissection time. You can leave me to my work and I’ll move along in my own due fashion or… no, that’s really the end of that line of options.”

The guard attempted to walk him toward the exit, but Dr. Alexander whipped himself around his back, grabbing his arm and pulling it behind his back. “As I told you before, I’m busy,” he said. The Blunderboar grunted to the other guard, “Pibbs! Go get backup!”

It was around this time that the rest of us saw the goblin in red and white rush past us toward the entrance, yelling about a rowdy guest in one of the exhibits. “Oh, my God, it’s Day,” I groaned. “Oh, God. Pam, Bella, you stay here with them. Derek, come with me,” Yova said. We darted off in the direction the goblin ran from, seeing a few more Blunderboars start descending on the tent. “Five bucks says Day got his head stuck in something. And I’m not specifying which head,” Yova said. I gave her a look of absolute contempt and said, “You are disgusting. You’re on.”

What we didn’t know until later was that while this was going on, another changeling, a quiet Darkling who was mostly hidden in an outfit of patched rags, had been working for hours to feed the workers at the carnival. We’ll call him Kevin, because that is his name. Kevin had been slinging slop for a long time and stepped out to grab a breath of fresh air, when he heard some chatter among two of the goblin employees who were sitting and having a snack. One asked the other if he’d heard what was going on down at the sideshow. “Apparently some of the customers are, like, standing up for themselves. Weird, right?” Kevin listened to them talk about how long it had been since that happened and placing bets about how long it took security to get things under control.

Curiosity got the best of Kevin, and he made his way over to see what the hullabaloo was about, going through the employee entrance. It was around that time that he spotted a group of several changelings, including me and Yova. We had maneuvered our way through the rather disgusting exhibits and were surprised to find that nothing was on fire, nor in pieces. We arrived to find Dr. Alexander, with a rather firm grip on the Blunderboar as he calmly took notes. Yova had a surprised Pikachu face as she surveyed the scene.

“You owe me five bucks,” I told her. “Yes. Yes, I do,” she agreed, moving forward to try and talk our way out of this miserable situation. “Doctor, as much as I hate to interrupt this tableau, you’ve acquired the attention of the bouncers and we need to leave,” she said. “Also, where’s Day?” I asked. “Yes, we were expecting to see Day here, with his head stuck in something,” Yova said. “Oh, he’s gone. Somewhere,” Dr. Alexander said, looking around the Blunderboar and continuing to try and take notes.

Yova looked over at me and said, “I’ll handle things here, you go and find Day.” “Why do I have to go and find Day?” I asked. “This place is screaming front for snatching people and sending them to Arcadia!” “Derek, please,” Yova said, teeth gritted. “Fine,” I said, “but if I get snatched and pulled back, I’m going to haunt your toilet.” “I’ll wear a mysterious veil to your funeral,” she said dryly.

It was around this time that Kevin hurried over and tried to separate Dr. Alexander from the Blunderboar he had in the hold. “Hey, come on, no violence!” he said, trying to push them apart. He isn’t very strong, so it… didn’t work. “I’m not being violent, I’m being busy. And you’re jostling my pen,” Dr. Alexander said. “Doctor, I understand you’re dedicated to your research, but now is not the time for this,” Yova said. “Then when is?” he asked her. She took a moment to take in a deep breath and press her index fingers against the bridge of her nose. “You know,” she said, “I understand the saying of a day without learning is a wasted day or some such shit, but I’d prefer to live to see another day, so let’s just go and stop distressing this poor man’s friend.”

We finally managed to get Dr. Alexander away from the Blunderboar and beat tracks as a few others were coming in. Kevin seemed to be moving along with us, so I turned to him and said, “Hey, you haven’t seen a big guy around here? Looks like he’s made of stone, loud, obnoxious voice, wearing a Hawaiian shirt?” He seemed very unsure of himself, but said that he hadn’t.

We emerged out of the sideshow tent, with two of our targets in hand, but missing Day. We knew we were not going to leave him in there, so we quickly made our way back to Bella and Pam to regroup and figure out our next move.

And that’s a good enough place to stop for now. Until next time, be safe, and may you never have a shiny snatched from you by a gargantuan Ren Faire reject.

#Changeling: The Lost #changeling #ctl #ic #recap #i really hope day didn't sell his toes for hamburgers

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atzfiles · 5 years

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getting to know jeong yunho

hi! i will be looking into yunhos natal chart and share some of the information i have gotten out of it! thanks to yunho, we know the exact time he was born! i am not entirely sure if the place of birth is that exact though. so as always, this is not 100% accurate and i am not saying i know everything about astrology. this is a hobby of mine which i taught myself.

Sun Aries

aries is the first sign of the zodiac which shows in their characters

they’re always first to start and always first to finish

aries people are natural athletes which, in my opinion, fits to yunho quite nicely

they cannot sit still for longer periods of time

their natural instinct is to use their bodies to get things done

they live a “simple” live, dont like long/drawn out moments and they also dont like planning ahead

aries sun are known for being direct, straightforward and uncomplicated

they also tend to live in the moment

whatever happens right now is most important to an aries

this trait can make them very impatient but also highly innovative

aries suns are also very brave

they dont like the long way to a goal, they need to take the quickest route

they also have some childlike qualities which makes them real charmers

yunho has a strong personality, entrepreneurial spirit, ambitious, self-willed and stubborn

possible downsides of an aries sun: very nervous, impulsive, wasteful, provoking and restless

Sun in V

yunho wants to be recognized for what he is doing

he has a lot of unique and special qualities and he wants people to pay attention to those

he has a flair for drama and sports (now we all know what sorta high school student he was lmao)

yunho is proud of the fact that he has such a positive outlook on life

expressing himself brings him happiness

he needs to be careful because sometimes those things can make him look like an attention seeker to others

188 Conjunction Sun in Mercury

he owns a lot of mental energy because his ego and mind are on the same level

yunho is very intelligent and he takes pride in that

he also loves to communicate with other people

he talks and expects others to listen but he himself can have a hard time listening to others, that doesnt mean he dominates every conversation

and here you can see yet again that he has great joy in expressing himself

he studies best when reading over the material rather than listening (to a teacher for example)

this also comes from the strong need to communicate

yunho cant listen and absorb information well, he has to act on it

he has his own opinions and those are set

very independent thinker

if not listened to, he can get quite butthurt

he also cant handle criticism too well when it comes to his own opinions

he has a very witty, bashful and playful sense of humor

272 Conjunction Sun in Jupiter

extremely generous, helpful, good-hearted, well-informed, friendly and possesses strong morals

seems like luck is always on his side

he attracts good and positive things like a magnet

yunho is not very competitive which, as a result, is the reason why a lot of people like him

he also loves to travel because he is interested in foreign places and people

he has a lot of faith in life and people

he does believe in orders and rules and generally dislikes people that tend to break the rules or even go against the law

very impatient with the wrong people around

he can be trusted very well, is sincere and is good at keeping promises

as mentioned before, very optimistic

laughs very easily

240 Sextile Sun in Neptune

very sensitive and dreamy

strong appreciation for music

he is naturally very compassionate

very open minded; realizes that there is more to the world than whats in front of his eyes

yunho is attracted to spiritual subjects which works in favor for musicians and artists

he can be taken advantage of because he feels strongly for those who are suffering

very humanitarian; adores animals

very imaginative, inspired and emotional

Moon in Gemini

people who have their moon in gemini tend to be very witty and charming

but they can also become very moody and irritable, especially at home or with family

very curious

a certain nervousness and worry are also known for lunar gemini

he needs way more stimulation than other people

there is a lot going on inside of him

here we can also see his urge to express himself again

lunar gemini think and talk a lot

they like their homes but tend to hate housework

yunho can get a bit messy

he does like improving his home though

re-organizing is something he seems to enjoy

very easily bored

is in touch with his own emotions but he can struggle with handling others complicated emotions

inside the family he is the one getting everyone together for a meeting

doesnt like repetitive routines

yunho likes having to do a lot of stuff

very sociable, friendly and talkactive

comfortable around a lot of people and can speak well in front of crowds

very open to new ideas

wants to talk about problems as soon as possible

sharp intellect

-57 Square Moon in Mercury

his head and heart get in the way of each other

he can be too emotional or too logical

can be very jealous and possessive

can sometimes feel the need to change partners quickly because he gets bored

imaginative sense of humor

can be hypersensitive because of mood swings

because of the what he talks, yunho tends to misrepresent himself

very happy when he can escape in his own little world

cant find his ideal world on the outside so he creates his own, imaginative world

loves drama but reacts negatively when he is the one getting criticism

Mercury in Pisces

soaks up feelings and moods from the people around him

which can affect his own mood quite drastically

very tactful, tries not to offend people

15 Trine Mercury in Lilith

can get quite provocative in communications

sees flaws very quickly

Venus in Taurus

likes sensual surroundings

looks like he would be a satisfying lover/partner

needs to be able to depend on his partner

can become very possessive of his partner

he needs “hands on” expressions of love

loyal

cant get pushed into a relationship

likes comfortable things

he needs a lot of time

his partner would need a lot of patience

“love arrives slowly, but with force”

Venus in VI

he wants to help sick and poor people all the time

wants a job in a medical or social setting

likes being of service to his partner

goes to extreme lengths so always be available for his partner

he isnt ‘showy’ with his love/bad at expressing it but much rather shows it by his availability, doing practical things for his partner or other thoughtful things

pays attention to small details

he is scared that, if the relationship he is currently in ends, he might not be able to find better

-224 Opposition Venus in Mars

from affairs over to full blown relationships; love is what gets this boy out of bed

this can get challenging in youth

he can have a hard time finding a relationship that meets his expectations

very creative

passion for romance is often channeled in his creative output

prone to have love-hate relationships (the fanfics have been right all along)

can get angry quickly but that anger disappears just as fast as it came

likes truth and justice

he never plays false, his sentiments are deep and sincere

might be into someone older because he appreciates peoples intelligence

-95 Square Venus in Neptune

his ideals are not always easy to achieve

easy going

yunho is in love with being in love

very romantic

can be a little too romantic; his romantic dreams might get shattered by the reality of relationships

sees what he wants to see rather than what really is

clings to romantic delusion which can be very dangerous and unhealthy

tends to devote his all to someone who is unreachable

he is also prone to loving someone who treats him badly all while he is clinging to an idealized image of his partner

he thinks that loving someone requires self-sacrifice

:((

Mars in Scorpio

likes to challenge himself to do the impossible

keeps his cool on the surface very well

does not let people in easily

scorpio in mars is known for having the strongest sexual stamina

even though he tends to dislike people who break the rules, he often fantasizes about breaking taboos

he like the scenario of their partner giving into them, wants his partner completely and will do absolutely anything for them

im sweating

his sexual appeal is strong enough to get what he wants

very jealous, doesnt want to share

doesnt find pleasure in compromises: needs to hear either yes or no

constantly tests himself and others

thinks that life isnt fair

Mars in XII

puts all of his energy into his working life

likes to research

jobs like a doctor, teacher, police officer would fit him well

he should try to give things a real shot instead of feeling defeated instantly

he can handle a lot of things by himself in his own unique ways

works more for others than himself

ignores his own needs and desires for others which secretly makes him very angry

takes time for him to warm up to a new sexual partner

likes to solve problems

likes to overcome obstacles

he sometimes can seem cold when he is in his work-mindset

-117 Square Mars in Uranus

tends to be eccentric and too headstrong, impatient

Jupiter in Aries

attracts good things in life

he is initiating, inspiring, enthusiastic and brave

likes doing things on his own

likes games

gets distracted easily

lucky in love and his profession

adores children

generous

yunho likes helping people in difficulty

Saturn in Taurus

dislikes greedy people

needs to learn that he is also deserving of good things in life

likes precision

a true worker

possesses all the necessary qualities to be successful in the medical field

Uranus in Aquarius

gets overly excited when starting a task but quickly loses interest

this can give others a banal impression of him

doesnt like routines

-10 Square Uranus Lilith

he can have difficulty finding a peaceful love life because he is the type to fall in love at first sight

seeks adventures which can be harmful to his relationship

Neptune in Aquarius

generosity

solves other peoples problems just to see them happy

cold facts are hard for him to absorb#

he can get quite nostalgic

Pluto in Sagittarius

love and sexuality are idealized

Ascendent in Scorpio

he has a lot of presence

their manners command respect and he lets people know he shouldnt get pushed around

very powerful and determined

he can look right through people which can make him very intimidating

he often gets confused when he earns such strong reactions from people though

yunho likes to read between the lines

values his privacy a lot, so much that it can even cause paranoia

he feels the strong urge to always be in control of his environment

he plans out every move very carefully and lets no one look into his plans

he is drawn to down to earth and natural partners on which he can rely on

he needs full commitment because flighty partners make his patience run thin

House II in Capricorn

he sees spending and making money as an adventure which can cause financial risks for him

nothing is left to a chance

likes to calculate his plans and dissects them slowly

House IV in Aquarius

he may leave the family home very early on

wants a life that is out of the ordinary

doesnt like traditions

House VIII in Gemini

this placement is known for making artistic people generally very successful

House X in Leo

great leadership qualities

the way he is seen by society grows more important to him as he gets older

wants surround himself with equally artistic/influentiual people

if you really read this far...god bless u lmao

i tried keeping this as short as possible, leaving out some constantly repetitive traits and placements and trying to combine his placements rather than to dive into each one individually. please dont forget that i am doing this purely out of fun and interest. My ask box/messages are always open if you want to talk or have questions! please also let me know which member you want me to analyze next :)

#ateez astrology #ateez #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez headcanons #yunho #jongho #seonghwa #yeosang #wooyoung #mingi #san #hongjoong

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fortheheavenssake · 5 years

Text

PG MM Anon Interpretation Collection- 12

77: Oct. 6

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PG INTERPRETATION OF MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

October 6,2019 1407 hrs CST

MM Anon

MM ANON … the Queen …… “ one can’t choose ones family “…… “ Philip loves me doing Melania” …… “I rather liked Donald “ …… “ l frightening Vlad…… “ on our day together she never stopped yapping “ … “Harry ‘ we all make mistakes “… “ the little one, she’s a fireball “ …… “Camilla says she’s illiterate “ … “ what sort of name was that!!!!!”…” What!! Christmas ‘she’ll be lucky “ … “LG ‘ that’s why it’s called the Queens speech ‘ so f#@ck them!!

Oh this is going to be fun!!😄😁😁😁

the Queen

This is a fun riddle, call it HMTQ Greatest Hits DVD 🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂 An assortment of HMTQ comments!

“ one can’t choose ones family “

The old saying you can choose your friends but you cannot choose your family! In processing, strategizing, meetings etc etc, things have been on overload with madam, Harry, and BOJO, that whole political situation. There has got to be some angry frustrated emotions regarding PA, Harry having been caught up in this mess and how things have dragged on and out! All the hacking, invasion of privacy and just generally very poor choices in life by family members.

“ Philip loves me doing Melania”

I hear HMTQ has a wicked sense of humour and loves riddles and mimicry. I can only imagine her trying to do an impression of Melania Trump, her accent, everything. This is hilarious, PP Is reportedly also having that wicked British wry self deprecating or mimicking others too. Oh how l would LOVE to be a fly on the wall!!😁

“I rather liked Donald “

HMTQ gave President Trump and his huge family a real Royal welcome literally! The time spent the Formal dinner, the dinner apt the U.S. Embassy that PC and Camilla attended. It sounds like she got on well with DT, We know he takes such pride and joy in his Scottish heritage from his mum. We also know that he has great respect for HMTQ, so much so he brought his entire family with him. We also know he brought some intel/evidence with him. Thank you sir! HMTQ enjoyed him and the time they spent together!

“ l frightening Vlad

Vlad is not the vampire, it’s Vladimir Putin. I am a bit confused by this because it seems a word is missing, like l am frightening, or l like frightening, hmmm. I think l will go with, he concerns her greatly.

“ on our day together she never stopped yapping “

This is madam and their train overnight trip together. It was seen as such an honour because HMTQ is rare to invite others along on the train and/or an overnight trip. We know from the videos and photos, how hyper madam was, she cut in front of the Queen and entered the car first. During the performance she looked hypomanic, laughing non-stop yapping according to HMTQ’s words. Poor your Majesty, you were able to endure that trip!

“Harry ‘ we all make mistakes “

As a reassuring loving granny, she took his hand in hers and spoke with him. No one is perfect, yeah he screwed up a few times in life, who hasn’t? He was ensnared in a plot that had done years of planning, reconnaissance, and he had absolutely no idea what he was in, until it was too late. Kind of like quicksand, you slowly get sucked in, and the more you move and wrestle trying to get yourself out the quicker you sink and drown. God bless you, your Majesty!

“ the little one, she’s a fireball “

She is talking about Lottie, our beloved Princess Charlotte! She was trending worldwide with her hairflip her first day of school. She is a real ham for the camera, ham meaning like to have fun when her photo is taken. She has a fantastic personality and watching her grow up will be joyous. I also think Savannah Phillips, Princess Anne’s granddaughter, fits this for sure she and Prince George 🤣🤣🤣😂!

“Camilla says she’s illiterate “

We all know Camilla loathes madam, love the video where she repeatedly asks for help🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂. Sounds like her opinion of madam is in line with many others about madams skills in the writing, reading, and language usage and comprehension!

“ what sort of name was that!!!!!”

Arche🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂. I cannot believe to this day, that name, amw!! I know some think LG played a trick with this name being the same as the last Duke of Sussex eons ago!

” What!! Christmas ‘she’ll be lucky “

Madam is assuming another Christmas with the family she never had. Also that she will still be free and easy, sounds like HMTQ suggesting if she’s still free at Christmas she will be lucky. Lordy please let the handcuffs come soon, let them have their ducks all in a row and clang clang slam, locked cell, orange jumpsuit!

“LG ‘ that’s why it’s called the Queens speech ‘ so f#@ck them!!”

This whole issue of BOJO manipulating HMTQ, now today’s paper saying he didn’t really apologize he just said regret. He is willing to squat in No. 10 if there is a non-confidence vote and he is ousted as Prime Minister. He said they will have to take him in handcuffs! They are trying to sort out who would be the new PM, Brexit deadline, and if an election it would need at least five weeks. So John Bercow, Speaker of the House of Commons could be interim PM. It’s all up in the air. The Queens speech to the House is to take place October 14,2019. This is her telling LG in no uncertain terms she is duty bound to do this and refuse to be dragged any further into swaying politics on either side. Her job in weekly meetings with PM , is to be informed what’s happening, offer advice but never ever tell what’s to be done!No one else will be giving her speech except her. In a previous riddle we had something about someone else delivering her speech due to health or stress issues, l can’t recall exactly.

💜💜💜MM ANON💜💜💜 I HAVE HAD AN AWESOME FUN TIME DOING THIS RIDDLE💜💜💜

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

October 6,2019 1445 hrs CST

This is great PG such fun for us all! Love it….and love your personality shining through!😊💜💜💜💜💜

Ask Skippy submission

Oct 6th, 2019

——————

78: oct. 7

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜

MM Anon

MM ANON … Calapornia Dreem-in…… “ To be ‘ or Not to be…” …… “ I made a bit of a boob”……… “ the real Mc- COY darlings “…… “ artistic lie- sense …… “ not my best work”

October 7, 2019 1305 hrs CST

Well MM ANON , This riddle looks short but very unsweeten, the usual saying is short and sweet!

Calapornia Dreem-in

We had Calipornia in a riddle the other day. Today it’s Cala pornia .It seems that alleged tape has risen like a Phoenix from the ashes, online, but lots of disagreement on who the female is. I have ABSOLUTELY NO INTENTION of exposing myself to that. Reminds me of my old Sunday school song, be careful little eyes what you see, ears what you hear, mouth what you say..does anyone else remember that song? Dreem -in, a play on the song California Dreaming by The Mamas and The Papas, it was redone by Wilson Phillips, daughter of Michelle Phillips, Carnie Wilson daughter of Brian Wilson, l cannot recall the third member. They were great, remember Hold On! Great music. Anyhow, l digressed, Dreem,from wiki , is a sleep device that monitors, analyzes, and claims to enhance quality of sleep. It’s a miniaturized and autonomous headband that monitors the quality of sleep and then uses sound to help fall asleep faster, get deeper sleep, and wake up at the optimal time through smart alarm. End wiki.

So we have Calapornia Dreem-in, note California is spelt Cala, either way, the sirens currently flashing loudly is this alleged sex tape online. As l speculated the meaning the other day, is she doing a runner to Cali or Cala?? There are definite spelling alterations to confuse, MM ANON🤨🧐🤔.

Is someone having great difficulty sleeping from hobbies, stress, being picked on by the big bad royal reporters? Might the sleep aid device Dreem being in use, hence the addition of in after the hyphen? To clarify a hyphen is the sign here. - It is used to connect words together so they combine their meanings.

Alternatively perhaps Harry is using this sleep aid to help him sleep. We know all the things we have noticed, weight loss, scruffy clothes/shoes, look very sleep deprived, l am sure he is suffering tremendously as he serves this tour of duty for HMTQ.

“ To be ‘ or Not to be…”

MM ANON is taking us back to Shakespeare, Hamlet’s soliloquy on suicide to deal with all that has happened in his life. Has there been suicidal ideation on part of madam or Harry? Madam l highly doubt, a narcissist never goes there except by accident. We have see a slow descent in our Harry over the last two years, Wright loss, hair loss, scruffy clothes, looks sleep deprived etc etc, adding to that, the pain he appeared to be in, stepping onto that stage in SA and her grinning like a Cheshire Cat, sorry Cheshire, at his agony. I have said numerous times now but l hope upon immediate return to London he was given medical assessment and care, as well as emotional assessment and care. I pray to God l am wrong on this, but l have been concerned. He has been under stress like l have never seen, for over two years!

“ I made a bit of a boob”

A boob, slang wise has had different meanings over the generations. A boob can be a dopey goofy person, it can be a blunder or a boo boo, meaning error or mistake, it can be a term for breast. So who made a bit of a boob? I see the usage here being an error or mistake. I would say the first boob was a bootycall and then underestimating who the attacker was.

I think this could also be a cheeky reference to an alleged video online.

“ the real Mc- COY darlings

The saying the Real McCoy, goes back, at least for me, in the old western movies, not sure if McCoy was a brand of saddle, shotgun, something anyhow. So when someone says, it’s the real McCoy it means it’s 100% real or accurate. Here MM ANON has hyphenated the word McCoy, and elevated the word COY. Coys definition is, according to google, especially with reference to a woman) making a pretense of shyness or modesty that is intended to be alluring. Ok, interpretation, MM ANON is clearly telling us that any alleged sex/porn video is 109% accurate, correct and the actress in it, is her acting role, is acting very coyly. Yuck, l need a shower!🤮🤮🤮🤮

“ artistic lie- sense

To take artistic license is a common phrase meaning , again l will use google, as l want everyone to be able to understand who may not be familiar, “Artistic license (also known as poetic license, historical license, dramatic license, narrative license, or creative license) refers to deviation from fact or form for artistic purposes. It can include alteration of the conventions of grammar or language, or the rewording of pre-existing text.”

I have had a number of comments of appreciation from anons for being more elaborative as we have readers from all around the 🌎 🌍 world.

So example, a movie about Invention of the light bulb, let’s say, they add a romance to it, or drama , l hope l am explaining this clearly.

So here MM ANON says Artistic lie-sense, another hyphenated word. So madam as we well know has exaggerated EVERYTHING about herself, some may say lies. Her age, her number of marriages, not knowing anything about the BRF, fake pregnancy etc etc etc.

So , since this alleged sex video is the hot topic, l am thinking the acting would be very fake over dramatic moaning groaning etc etc, likely a person would, to cover past sins, would be inclined to lie about it, say it never happened or the great song by Shaggy, It Wasn’t Me!

“ not my best work”

Again another commonly used phrase especially, like me, l am so self-critical about how I type my interpretations of the riddles, typing, thinking of something after l have submitted it, or just having a bad day at it , l think l might have even wrote this here, this is not my best work.

Artists, musicians, creative people, common phrase!

So if there were an alleged tape, that proved real, one might use that phrase. A tv show might have been the pinnacle or the height of greatest work!

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

October 7,2019 1355 hrs CST

Fantastic, thank you so much PG! You make it seem so easy, yet we know there is nothing easy in doing these interpretations! Hats off to you! 😁💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

gstqaobc

Thank you MM ANON 💜💜🙏🏻💜💜 This was quite challenging, l find it’s extremely important to me, as this blog of our dear 🐼, has a worldwide readership and l am trying very hard to explain phrases, words, slang etc, as l take this work very seriously, and l want everyone to be able to understand! Also l am, by character, a very verbally elaborative individual 🤣🤣🤣😂😂. Thank you dear 💜🐼💜 for posting this. GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Source: skippyv20

12 notes

Oct 7th, 2019

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79: Oct. 7

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON, THE FIRST ONE WAS TOUGH ENOUGH, THE SECOND RIDDLE IN ONE DAY MEANS SOMETHING BUG🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

MM Anon

MM ANON … lets move on!!!!…… fab unfore-tunate…… pre tour panic… …a fleet-ing vengeance …… “ don’t take this personally”…… “ you have TWO choices”…… “ get your bloody head out the sand”…… “it’s crumbling around your feet”……… “ baby ‘ what baby?”…… “we’re gonna need a bigger Bank”…… 🎼” if I was a rich man”🎼

Riddle Number Two on October 7, 2019 1735 CST

lets move on!!!!

Time to move on and restart life. Put this information out, let the chips fall where they may. I am certain, based on the FIRST riddle today, that Harry is done, he can take no more. Oh my , how will this be handled, l for one would NOT want to , after several years of being a horrible person, want to be on the receiving end of Fleet streets vengeance! How will details , hundreds of them be told or explained to the public, all the things that have been kept secret, the public will perceive being lied to and paying for that wedding, her clothes etc etc etc. Never mind that, the bigger picture of the plot, the backers!

fab unfore-tunate

Fab Four, the original was the Beatles. When madam came on the scene, and video of them, working on a Heads Together, the media, not sure which, dubbed them the Fab Four. As we know their offices have separated as well as their charities also.Rumours of dodgy money being missing from the charity. They are completely separate in every way now, at least publicly, this has caused an uproar because of madam spending and the varied rumours surrounding merching, and hobbies, and other things that have been on fire today! So much beloved was Harry , everyone wanted him to have the dream of family come true. His madam is loathed, that’s putting it mildly. There is so much public distress at seeing the boys, l will forever call them the boys, break up, fight and publicly sever ties.

pre tour panic

Have unexpected security issues arisen on the upcoming tour to Pakistan of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge scheduled for October 14-18/2019?

We know security is a major issue, as in the memo it stated this is their most complex Royal tour to date. I will keep them in prayer. This tour is essential in continuing relationships building.

a fleet-ing vengeance

Remember Fleet Street, how l explained that in a riddle the other day. MM ANON, l take this as the sh** is going to hit the fan imminently, l have felt an agitation inside for several days. Will they lay bare, pun intended, EVERYTHING they have in the dossier. OH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PULL THE HANDLE LET IT ALL SPILL OUT!! It’s time! Harry is at the end of what he can take! SO ARE WE! How this will all be done and handled l have no clue but it’s going to be earth shattering across the U.K., the Commonwealth, the EU, whilstBrexit is so precarious, and the world too. I cannot fathom how HMTQ is feeling and how and when to proceed!

“ don’t take this personally”

So who is not to take this personally? This clue mystifies me. My head is so full, is this relating to BOJO non-apology, in that he regrets what happened with Parliament? That HMTQ being tricked, she shouldn’t take that personally because he was trying to get his own agenda through, the Courts over-ruled him. Of course she is going to take this personally! She needs to be able to trust the PM! BOJO , according to the paper, if there is a noncon vote and he is ousted as PM, he will refuse to leave No. 10 unless in handcuffs. So, yes, BOJO HMTQ is taking it bloody personally!

“ you have TWO choices”…

Two choices, go quietly or a fight will ensue. l remember professionally saying this many times. Cooperate or things will be enforced. In this case confess, plead guilty or not guilty. Is arrest imminent, are these two choices?? Oh please , make it so, to quote Captain Jean-Luc Picard! Are the choices, leave the U.K. of face charges. I can’t see that totally but then again a lot of money laundering trials have brought down mob bosses.That song should l stay or should l go now? Is blaring through my head!!

“ get your bloody head out the sand”

Whose got their head in the sand on this? This is definitely PP, might he be taking a stern tone with HMTQ? Action needs to be taken imminently, the press are on the precipice of unloading a ton of very very bad things. It would be easier, although none of this will be easier, but it would be easier if HMTQ gave a public video, like Christmas Day, and as she did with Diana. If they can publicly get ahead of the media, might soften the blow. Perhaps announce a separation, then the press can go hog wild. Either way it’s going to be Annus Horibilus on steroids!!!

“it’s crumbling around your feet”…

The love and loyalty towards Harry is doing exactly that, crumbling around him. If things continue and madam resumes appearances in the U.K. or joint appearances , PARDON THE PUN🤣🤣🤣😂 joint🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 sorry, l need a laugh, this is a tough riddle and the second one of the day!the reception will be vile, also possibly dangerous, such is the loathing at this point. This is having an effect on the entire BRF . The continuing question, why doesn’t HMTQ do something. Thank God for the Cambridges.

“ baby ‘ what baby?”

Oh are we going to play ignorant know?use those fabulous acting skills. I never had a baby, never was pregnant what are you talking about all innocent? Whose baby was that in SA? His or her photo will go down in history as being passed off as a royal baby.This could also be read, as to a lover, baby( name for lover), what baby? Many many people knew it was a fake pregnancy, surrogate used but whose egg and whose male DNA was used? Was it done in SA. Or was that a rent-a-baby? This is all so seedy makes my skin crawl with disgust!

“we’re gonna need a bigger Bank”

Again with the Jaws reference🤨. MM ANON DO I GET A TREAT FIR WORKING OVERTIME DIING TWO RIDDLES IN ONE DAY?🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂This hacking lawsuit is going to cost tens of millions, however it may well possibly reveal the identities, the length of time, what they did with the information they gathered,and was it a bad actor or actors who did this. Now when l use the term bad actor, it has nothing to do with movies or tv. A bad actor has become the term used when talking about individuals who betray their country, spy, commit crimes etc, it cal also be a foreign national also. . Has that decision been rescinded, just to pay her off, she can leave go back to U.S. I don’t know, there are alleged crimes, the British people and Commonwealth who haven’t taken the time to look below for the facts still loathe her. How this will all play out without totally destroying the Monarchy l do not know.

As far as paying madam to go, there was a one time deal offered before the wedding, it was allegedly accepted but changed her mind and went ahead with the unhappy day. Is there a chance they have decided to offer again just to leave, the legal case she filed is her problem. Any potential legal problems, or illegal acts that may have been committed and money owed on taxes, all her problem. I can hardly think after all this they would cave in, I HOPE NOT!

… 🎼” if I was a rich man”🎼

I have been singing since l saw this clue. This is from the musical Fiddler on The Roof! The entire song, sang and performed by a poor beggar man living on the slums but he had a fiddle AKA a violin. The whole entirety of the lyrics are him imagining being a man of fantastic wealth and the houses he would build, the life he would live, endless time to do whatever you want, buy whatever you want, just completely unencumbered. This is how many see the royals. Harry especially has taken unbelievable backlash for his spouses extravagant clothes spending, repeated use of private jet, the perception of being preached at regarding climate change . The last straw for the media was that blasting furiously letter , that accompanied the information that he had filed in court, directed at the media after what had by and part, in comparison with the other behaviour was a positively reported visit to various countries in Africa! The last snap though, was his perceived treatment of Rhiannon Mills of Sky News when he scolded her, as some saw things, watch the video, decide for yourself!

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

October 7,2019 1850 hrs

Great job PG! Wow! If I could, one scenario has been they let MM go, and she is taken care of back in the US….so that might be the reference to two choices…she will NOT walk…she will face justice..in UK or in US! Thank you for doing these riddles today! So appreciated!😊💜💜💜💜💜💜

gstqaobc

It could be any, l am exhausted after two riddles, the last one being extremely difficult in how to word things without opening oneself up to legal issues and to not offend etc etc etc. As for Fiddler on the Roof, l deliberately not bring up his ethnicity because sometimes people do not like that, l bend over backwards, metaphorically, TO NOT UPSET ANYONE or be perceived as judgemental etc. My brain 🧠 is tired, my words aren’t flowing right. GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦 I do my best, give my all, we all work together. 💜💜🐼🙏🏻🙏🏻🐼💜💜 Thank you 🐼 for creating this wonderful place💜💜💜🐼🙏🏻🙏🏻🐼💜💜🐼😊😊🐼👋🐼💜

Source: skippyv20

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80: oct 9

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

MM Anon

skippyv20

MM ANON … fab two ‘ future Queen……future king …… also rans …… three weddings and a refusal …… Archie-bargy …… a dog with no name …… silent screaming past…… 🎼” there may be trouble ahead “🎼…… “ if I tell you ‘ I’d have to…… “…… everyone is scarfing …… (another private flight)…… Branson island … Mail on payday… … “ please boo the buggers”

October 9/2019 0105 hrs CST

SORRY l am so late, l had a rest day😊💜

fab two ‘ future Queen

Well who on earth could this possibly be referencing 🤣🤣🤣? Of course it is our beloved Cambridge’s, Their HRH Duke and Duchess! Who needs a Fab Four, when we have the FAB TWO? They are brilliant. The Royal tour to Pakistan (unless something happened whilst l slept the day away, haven’t read the news) will be a Master Class in how a Royal, representing HMTQ, conducts oneself. Catherine, HRH The Duchess of Cambridge has fully come into her own, in this role and it’s been marvellous to watch her bloom. I think some of us kind of took her for granted until we saw the horrors of the other one. She will make a brilliant Queen Consort, once the time comes.

future king

This could be referencing Prince Charles, Prince William or Prince George. Are we not blessed to live in a time with three future kings? Amazing! Given the pending Royal tour representing HMTQ in Pakistan 🇵🇰, l believe this is referencing HRH Prince William. He too, has come into his own, fabulous, loving supportive wife, they have a beautiful healthy family. Their minds are sound and are raising well rounded children. We will se William, on this tour, conducting himself above reproach, and can envision him well in his penultimate role as His Majesty, when the time comes.

also rans

Let’s head to our favourite friend google for a few definitions, a loser in a race or other contest, especially by a large margin, OR, PAY ATTENTION KIDS😁an undistinguished or unsuccessful person or thing. Now let’s just skip past the first one and jump on the second definition. Undistinguished person, BOJO fits, only because he manipulated HMTQ, but we’re not political. I know without a lot of explaining or elaboration because you have all been passengers on the Skipoy🐼 train, you know of many undistinguished deeds that are public, just you wait Henry Higgins, just you wait, sorry l jumped into a My Fair Lady song 🤣🤣😂😂, can’t help myself!

three weddings and a refusal

Three wedding and a Funeral, the write of that film, Richard Curtis, is working with Catherine on a mental health campaign, l can’t recall what it’s called just now. Anyhow this is three weddings and a refusal. William and Catherine, Harry and her, Eugene’s and Jack, whose the refusal? Are we referencing CD? She goes way back, but …..but…..but…… l am saying no more!

Archie-bargy

Is this boss Prince Louis’ name for Archie or the other Cambridge children? We know twitter calls a baby bubs 🤮🤮Or is it LG? Not joking at all about a real child but at the persona created for this infamous fauxmegnancy, fauxmegbirth, fauxmegworld, etc etc etc etc.

a dog with no name

I know , my friend, rescued greyhounds from the racetracks in America where they were , can’t say it, but used and abused, and brought them to Canada. This is a well known animal/humanitarian organization that rescues a variety of animals. The title literally, it means they want no dog to not have a name. When an animal has a name, it gives them meaning, they’re smart they know what their name is and respond to it, maybe not always the way we want🤣🤣😂😂, but they do? So who is the dog with no name in the human form , is it the victims of JE? The ones that have come forth have a name. I know there has to be many more, unnamed to us at this time. Or worse will never be known. When you see and hear VRG speak and tell of her experience it adds the real humanity factor, it takes it from words on paper or hidden abstract to literal, in your face truth! I pray for all the victims of human trafficking known and unknown 🙏🏻.

silent screaming past

Does anyone recall the documentary The Silent Scream? I most certainly do, its about abortion. I wonder who this might be about? I have long suspected there might have been several of those in the past of someone.

🎼” there may be trouble ahead “🎼

But music and dancing, MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE PAUR , THANK YOU MM ANON FOR THIS CLUE. Memories, Fred Estaire singing this, dancing with the unbelievablly gorgeous Ginger Rogers. Fred used to say, or was it Ginger, no, matter, he was talented, but she was amazing because she had to do everything backwards and in heels🤣🤣😂😂.Now interpretation, let’s face the music, it means face your reward but more often it’s face your punishment and own up to what you have done wrong. Here we have it, PA, it’s time for him to not dance but face the music. Sounding like an order from up top has been given, he must comply with authorities, be interviewed, be truthful! Face the music!

“ if I tell you ‘ I’d have to…… “

This is an old saying, does anyone remember the spoof spy show Get Smart? Hilarious, l grew up watching that, about spy who goofed up, had a phone in the sole of his shoe?🤣🤣😂😂 Anyone, the saying is, if l tell you, I will have to kill you. My oh my oh my, what secrets are held, l certainly wouldn’t want to be in this position! But who is!

everyone is scarfing

William adjusting his scarf to avoid interacting with madam, has taken on a life of its own online🤣🤣🤣😂😂. We know, the entire BRF, to the public, is scarfing, the Harry, and her, l believe 100% behind the scenes, there is plenty of love and support for Harry to get through this horror!

(another private flight)

Have they taken another private flight? And to where? Necker Island?? Or points beyond? I think they any public appearance in the U.K. now would be disastrous especially for a narcissist. I wonder how Prince Harry’s appearances on the 10th for International Mental Health Day will go? I do so hope that he is well received 🙏🏻🙏🏻.

Branson island

Sir Kenneth Branson owns his own island as well in the Caribbean, he calls it Necker Island. Do you recall the horrible fire that occurred there a few years back? Kate Winslett, the actress literally went in and rescued either his mum or grandmother. No matter, this island has been a getaway for many celebrities and royals for years. Is there a connection with JE and his island?

Mail on payday

Ha ha, when the storms blows in, they will get a massive payday, of that l am certain. In public opinion, the DM comments are full of loathing and anger, they sometimes have comments that things are not appearing ie comments or they vanish. When the story(or stories, truth) are published ad revenues and sales will skyrocket!!

“ please boo the buggers”

PP voicing his approval for this to happen when a certain couple or individual appears in an official capacity or not, just do as he said!!! Now that would be above Camilla’s video begging help! Help! 🙃🤣🤣🤣

Submitted October 9/2019 0204 hrs CST

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Thank you dear PG! This again looks interesting…oh what fun lies ahead! Thank you, much appreciated!😊💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Ask Skippy submission

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81: Oct. 9

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

October 9/2019 1500 hrs CST

MM Anon

MM ANON …… “ sorry, not today thank you “…… never EVER explain …… “what happens in house, stays in-house”. ……a special briefing …… another cover-up?…… … glowing anticipation …… special forces …… “unprecedented care”…… a very tired PR …… public appearance nerves …… “we’ll pay you handsomely”…… “she’ll do it or suffer the consequences”

“ sorry, not today thank you “

Jeremy Corbyn, Labour leader, has said today, that the Queen should appoint him as PM if BOJO loses a non-confidence vote. Firstly HMTQ does not appoint leaders, they are elected by the public. So sorry, Mr. Corbyn, not today, thank you.

never EVER explain

Since the Queen mum was Queen, it has been the motto of the way the Royal family has dealt with any rumours or gossip about themselves or their work. Never complain, never explain. This has an extra ever, all caps. So MM ANON is telling us , when this happen, as things unfold legally or with the marriage, there will be a considerable amount of things that will not ever EVER be explained to us. We must prepare for that. They have been playing this game a long time and are champions, the Crown never loses. So we ask ourselves how will things come out, what will happen to madam or Archie, lots of things will remain classified, this is a big thump warning us!

“what happens in house, stays in-house”.

The saying what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. In other words, confidentiality and discretion are key. So whatever may be observed or noted by staff they cannot talk about outside of the house they work in, be it KP, BP, Windsor Castle etc etc. I think LG is running a tight ship, we are nearing the destination of an endpoint in this masquerade and he wants no leaks out , no warning at all of their plans, lest their attackers use that information. Perhaps in reference to Richard Palmer?

a special briefing

Did the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge receive a special briefing regarding their upcoming Royal tour? It would be very important that they be aware of exactly everything that is planned, possible changes and security issues.

another cover-up?

What on earth could this be referencing? Is this related to PA and his connection with JE? There are some conflicting facts that l have read in different articles. The latest l read, was that New York visit, when he was at JE mansion, the purpose of that visit was to end his friendship due to JE arrests and crimes/pedophelia in Florida. Now one would think a simple phone call would suffice. At the time this first arose he denied having been intimate with VRG, the Palace statement reflected that, Met case closed. Many people feel that was washed away. Now it’s come back, he is still denying having been intimate, VRG is sticking firm with her story. And then there is that pesky photograph!!! Is there something else being cleverly hidden? I surely hope not and for HMTQ sake, l wish PA would do the right thing and cooperate. He will drag his feet l am sure, he’s done so thus far.

glowing anticipation

They say women who are pregnant have a special glow about them. Are we anticipating an announcement?? Who could it be? Princess Eugenie, to me, is the most likely candidate. That would be simply marvellous news!

special forces

Is this related to the Pakistan 🇵🇰 Royal tour? I very well think it might be, the security risk is high, we have high ranking royals, and ongoing assessment, along with tightly kept destinations and places they will visit. Safety first!

“unprecedented care”

Is this medical/emotional care for Harry after returning from Africa? Is that the type of care meant here? Or is there unprecedented care and concern expressed for HMTQ and PP through this incredibly stressful time, adding Her Speech to the House this Monday, October 14/2019. Or more concerning yet is this regarding HMTQ or PP health? I think ultimately this means, the Pakistan 🇵🇰 tour, they are undertaking their most complex tour, as per statement on the tour stated, and security and their staff are taking unprecedented care and implementing measures to ensure safety, security and a very successful Royal tour and relationship building.

a very tired PR

I am sure the Palace PR staff are beyond exhausted as madams numerous PR firms are at it, and being well paid. Tired can also mean blah, sedate, uninteresting, repetitive, and that’s what her PR is, the same fantastical stories, fabricated and dull.

public appearance nerves …

Harry will make his first official day of events tomorrow, to recognize October 10/2019 International Mental Health Day. I imagine he is a bundle of nerves given all that has happened on and since his last day in Africa. Not scheduled but l wonder if madam will gatecrash or attempt to.

“we’ll pay you handsomely”

Are they purchasing a video, l thought certain they already had it. Perhaps there is more information from past or lost years on offer, l am certain there would be no doubt if it was authentic and verifiable it would be purchased. Usually when the term pay you handsomely is used, it’s kind of like someone keeps your secret or in tv/film, it’s a private detective digging up dirt and gets rewarded handsomely for his work. MM ANON, l would love to know where some of these clues come from,,they can go many ways and some l can’t figure out!!

“she’ll do it or suffer the consequences”

They need madam to do something or appear at some royal event, but she’s terrified of the crowd, if there is a crowd, of whomever is there, what their response will be. There is to be no discussion, she must do this! I just wish l had a clue what ‘this’ was!

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Submitted October 9/2019 1605 hrs CST

Thank you dear PG! Things are sure getting interesting. Again…in awe of your riddle skills! So appreciated😊💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Ask Skippy submission

Oct 9th, 2019

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82: Oct. 10

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PLEASE PRAY I HAVE NO MORE POWER OUTAGES!

It’s Thanksgiving weekend, we have a massive snowstorm that is supposed to go until Saturday 🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

MM Anon

MM ANON ……corespondents under the radar …… “MA to MM”…… 🎼” gimme a ticket for an aeroplane”🎼…… “ my baby wrote me a letter” “ I’ve seen the contents of several”…… ‘ thank you LG.”…… “were in need of another f#@ing hole”…… Sheeran a common problem ……” drag her along ‘ your joking”… not seen’ not heard, GOOD!!!!…… Christmas 🧣 scarfs …… 🎼Back in the USA”🎼…… “friends thou hast and their adoption tried ”…(very trying!!!)

October 10/2019

1430 hrs CST

corespondents under the radar

Oh dear oh my, madam, and creepy eyes guy have kept in touch. I can only imagine the level of filth, schemings and depravity in those conversations, emails, snail mails, after all she is a calligrapher, roll eyes now. Well this is very interesting!

“MA to MM”

Hmmmm sound abbreviated, oh they’re so clever those kids, surely no one would recognize those initials and connect them back to those two!! I truly wonder what he has been up to, was he the last guest at Misha NoNoo wedding who arrived in big car, huge hat and coat, immediately surrounded by guards protecting him. Where has he been? Good gracious l have a zillion questions needing answered!!

🎼” gimme a ticket for an aeroplane”🎼

Old song, l know the song, looked on google for the performer, never heard before but they are called the Box Tops. The lyrics are all about someone desperately longing to be with their baby again, because a letter was received. l think baby is lover, not a baby baby🤣🤣. I think she’s begging him to send her a ticket to leave London !! Anyway anyhow before next week!! To avoid that public appearance? Running scare are we Rachel?

“ my baby wrote me a letter” “ I’ve seen the contents of several”

It’s lyrics from the same song as previous clue . Letters, plural, the plot thickens. I shall, out of respect for LG, assume that all of their contacts and interactions in every way shape or form, have been well monitored and documented. LG, were l wearing a 🎩 hat, l would take it off to you sir! You played her brilliantly!!

‘ thank you LG.”

Just what l was thinking and just typed. I am sure many have been thanking him, he has played the long game and has won. The timer isn’t out yet, but there is no way for her to win. I think this may be HMTQ speaking to LG. He has returned to serve HMTQ, serving her until the end!

“were in need of another f#@ing hole”

Oh dear, oh dear, how much more horrible trash about madam are they having to bury because it’s so extreme? I know there is so much that will need to be kept classified , buried if you like, for the BRF to recover. What on earth is all going on? There is so much unknown and the British people, all of us who care, are at the end.

Sheeran a common problem

Ed Sheehan, who has massive problems with his neighbors and his building things, that’s a whole other topic. Ed Sheehan , the musician, did a clever bit of humour, GINGERS UNITE🤣🤣😂😂. But in all seriousness, today is International Mental Health Day, Sheehan is a play on the word sharing a common problem. They both have experienced times of depression and feel the strong need to destigmatize it. Whilst here it’s a massive winter storm, as l type this, my power has been out for a good hour, good thing l saved the riddle and charged the iPad. BUT I AM FREEZING 🥶!

I just called the power, they said so many outages they have no idea when it will return😩😩😫😫😖😖I AM 🥶 COLD!!!

” drag her along ‘ your joking”

Prince Harry and madam are due to attend the Well Child benefit October 15/2019. I assume madam has zero or less than zero, great film by the way, l digress, interest in doing anything remotely public for fear of what could happen. Booing, throwing rotten tomatoes? This was referred to in yesterday’s riddle. Harry has been told to drag her along if she refuses to go. He is being given firm order on what he is to do. In no way, shape or form, will she be allowed to NOT attend!

not seen’ not heard, GOOD!!!!

There is an old saying, children should be seen and not heard. With madam, who doesn’t posses a gram of maternal instinct, this is her delight, she can do whatever she wants, a doll can be ignored. However l truly believe this is how the British people and people around the Commonwealth and the world are elated not to see or hear her word salad speeches. Hence the all caps, exclamation marks GOOD!!!

Christmas 🧣 scarfs

I wonder if this is going to be a gag gift, l know it has taken a life of its own online! This truly, l believe means, if madam is still around at Christmas, she will be “scarfed” from any Royal family Christmas dinners etc. A general, familywide scarfing, the ultimate! 🧣

🎼Back in the USA”🎼

Old song, classic Chuck Berry, fabulous when no computers for instruments, guitars were needed. This song is entirely about someone returning home to America, describing the sites and sounds of various places. Madam is deeply homesick and wants to go home. Yet she wants a massive celebrity life and fame. She has become infamous, history will tell of this. I think l have said this before but she may just end up in a massive, massive very expensive fully staffed home. However, the home may have locks but she gets no key to it!

“friends thou hast and their adoption tried ”

Shakespeare again MM ANON , again to my favourite , Hamlet. I will share the entire piece.

“Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,

Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;

But do not dull thy palm with entertainment

Of each new-hatch’d, unfledg’d comrade.”

Loyal friends, keep them as close as you can. Hold onto them, deeply in your very soul. This can be healthy or a very sick relationship. This is mm and ma, they are interwoven in each other, evil purpose, money, lust, filth, disgust. The hoops of steel MM ANON has challenged us with this before. My, my, my , are these two, who have been bound by this sick relationship going to be bound by hoops of steel aka handcuffs at the end of the day?? Oh l hope so. I want all this filth gone!! Banished!

(very trying!!!)

INDEED, DISGUSTINGLY SO!!!

October 10/2019 1700 hrs CST

SORRY SO LATE WE HAD A TWO HOUR POWER OUTAGE!

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Thank you dear PG….so sorry about the power outage….the west suffer through these often…….Then again so does the east! The joys of Canada fall/winter. I’m just sorry you are so cold. We too have snow. This riddle is now tying the connection to MA and MM….as is our new Anon…Emails, sexting, and videos. So, we can expect more on the pair! Thank you dear PG, I know it’s been a battle for you today, so much appreciated!🙏🏻💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Ask Skippy submission

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fulcrum-agent · 5 years

Text

Dysphoria

I’m going to talk about some things that I need to get out there a bit more than I generally do. So today, I’m going to discuss my gender identity, gender dysphoria, and what it’s doing to me emotionally and mentally. Before I end up falling into a repeat of March.

People on both sides of the fence in regards to gender and sexuality (meaning both the LGBTQ+ community and the “straights”/”cis” world) aren’t going to like everything I’m about to say here. But the past few days and weeks, I’ve been feeling the same kind of horrible pressure I had largely freed myself from a year ago, some of it is almost as oppressive as when I was a teenager.

It’s not just going to be anecdotal information, not just “feels” - I involve science in everything.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand why the LGBTQ+ community can get upset about the use of science with gender identity and sexuality. A lot of really bad science has been done in an attempt at erasure and vilification. But that shouldn’t lead to discounting the good science that is starting to make its way into the fore.

All that out of the way, let’s get started.

Taking a trip in the Way Back Machine, when I was in utero, mum wasn’t keen on getting ultrasounds. It wasn’t something that was well covered by her insurance, and she had issues with the gel they use for them. So the doctors were more heavily relying on other methods to determine gender, and the few ultrasounds mum could afford weren’t very conclusive due to positioning. This was back in the late 70s/early 80s, and the tech wasn’t as good as it is now.

The vast majority of markers pointed towards the concept that I was a baby boy. The pregnancy and much of the social stuff surrounding it were treated like I was going to be a boy. There was a stupid amount of pastel blue involved.

As it turned out, not only were their predicted due dates off dramatically (an entirely separate story there), but physically, I was a female baby; it was so expected that I’d be male, they had no female names handy, so they used the name of the type of piano they bought for me (spoilers: I’ve always hated my birth name because of this).

Essentially, I’ve had gender issues since birth. One of my doctors expects that I’ve had PCOS nearly my entire life, possibly even before puberty, since my testosterone levels even in utero were higher than they should be.

While I personally had almost 0 concepts of gender and the societal bullshit around till around puberty, it still affected me all the damn time.

I was almost immediately labelled a tomboy, because I was physically active - climbing trees, playing sports, wanting to do martial arts, and I also liked things like GI Joe and He-man while having an obsession with dinosaurs and science. However, people who viewed me as a tomboy would get confused by the fact that I also liked dance, music, My Little Pony (this was before bronies), and dolls like Jem and Barbie.

Back at the dawn of the 80s, things were rather black and white when it came to gender norms.

Despite the people around me having issues with my “gender weirdness”, I was perfectly fine till around 11, when puberty started.

Much to my distress, my body became extremely feminine. Before I was even 12, I was more than an A cup, and I started getting curvy hips and rear. For some reason, I really just did not like the way my body was starting to look, yet I had tonnes of people telling me how “lucky” I was, and how I should dress to compliment my form.

I also was absofuckinglutely not okay with menstruation. It was beyond the typical uneasiness about this new thing, about learning how to manage it - there was visceral hate I didn’t understand. It didn’t help that having my period made me ill, something that only got worse and worse as I got older. Between the dysphoria related anxiety/depression and the actual physical problems, I wanted nothing to do with menstruation and decided I wanted a hysterectomy even before I had my first procreation systems problems. I also realised before I was out of high school that I really wanted a breast reduction; increasing back and shoulder problems were what I thought the root of it was, but I realise now I actually just wanted a more androgynous body, even back then.

Throughout part of junior high, and all of high school, my friends who were female were always being pushy about making me dress like a girl, and to weaponise the body I was “so lucky to have”. At the start of junior high, I dressed like a goth skater boy - in part because I was slowly building a gothic wardrobe, and in part cus men's clothes were just super comfortable. And cheaper - most of the stuff I was buying with saved lunch money, so buying boy’s/men’s clothes was also something of a financial strategy.

Despite often feeling awkward about my body, by the time high school landed, I had just given in to the pressure. I dressed like a little goth princess, I wore push-up bras (even though I was already a D cup at that point), most everything I wore either accentuated my breasts by being tight or super low cut. On one level, fashion was always fun for me, I nearly became a fashion designer before realising how horrid that industry is, so the putting together outfits and such was fun - it was when I was actually wearing them that I could feel super awkward.

Once I moved from Salt Lake to San Diego, I was able to ditch a lot of that. No one knew who I was, I didn’t know anyone else, and SoCal was a lot more chill about things than Utah could ever hope to be. I still would sometimes dress the goth princess, but my default style swerved back towards skater/raver in cuts. I wore rave pants and tank tops with men’s graphic button downs.

While I was in San Diego, I met a transman and transwoman who were both chill with explaining gender transitions to me. I suspected someone I knew in SLC was along those lines (I was wrong, they were intersexed, and parents made terrible decisions for them). While I was aware that I didn’t want to transition entirely to being male, I knew there was something along those lines that I needed. Sadly, I didn’t meet any non-binary people, and no one really ever brought up the concept to me while I was in SoCal.

About ten years ago, after I had gotten sick and had to move back in with my mum, on the Eastern Seaboard, I met an incredibly knowledgeable transwoman who pointed out to me that androgyny isn’t just an art style but also was gender. She was the first to explain to me what being non-binary was the full spectrum of non-binary - from being gender fluid to androgyne to flat non-binary.

For once in my life, I felt normal as far as gender was concerned. I wasn’t some weird tomboy, I didn’t have to conform to what I’d been told to while growing up, I wasn’t weird for having certain previously odd dreams. It all made sense.

At this point, I’d already done a lot of research on what all transgender, the emerging science behind it, the process of transitioning, chest binding. But at that point, I did a lot more research into non-binary aspects of gender; there’s not nearly as much as there is on MtF/FtM transgenders, but there was a fair bit.

Since I was having problems with depoprovera actually helping with the PCOS and nixing menstruation, I decided that I wanted to do low dose HRT. It took a lot to get to a facility to do so, but I managed to start that in 2015. I was also hoping that if I was right about my hunch, that a number of other medical issues I have could be affected for the better. There’s a lot of emerging science pointing to the fact that transfolk have chemical imbalances - their chemical make up doesn’t really match that of their birth gender; about how HRT helps move their different hormonal chemicals to the range their body actually needs; how many times transfolk feel better physically once their HRT reaches stable levels, and how often times being on HRT reduces or eliminates different chronic medical issues.

Locally, there was no facility that could manage HRT. Even with the hard science in my hand, local doctors couldn’t wrap their heads around it, so I couldn’t even “cheat” and have a mainstream endocrinologist manage it for me. Most didn’t even want to look at the science. I still have to go to Philadelphia for HRT, and half the science I take with me is still relatively new to the Mazzoni Centre.

Getting HRT was the lesser struggle. Although I had started addressing the need for a breast reduction clear back in 2012, insurance coverage in general on reductions is trash. A certain amount of mass has to be removed for them to cover it, which often times cannot be accurately gauged before the surgery; much of the time, a person needing a reduction would go under, get mass removed, only for it to be too little for insurance coverage, leaving them with a $7,000 bill.

The only surefire way to have them cover it entirely for almost the entire decade I was working on this was a full mastectomy, whether or not it was related to cancer. For a while, I was very on the fence about a full mastectomy, because I didn’t want to transition to being male - I wanted a body that was just a hell of a lot more boyish than mine’s been since puberty.

Eventually, I came to be at peace with the idea of this, thanks to people like the fabulous Elliott Alexzander, who promote non-binary fashion and are also male-bodied. Seeing someone who had absolutely no breasts rock women’s fashion helped immensely.

I did finally luck out, however. By the time I was okay with the concept of having to have a full mastectomy to get insurance to cover the surgery, a WPATH certified surgeon had moved into the area. With his help, I was able to get what he termed a hybrid top surgery, 100% covered by my insurance, due to gender dysphoria.

While recovery was rough, as it became painfully apparent that the boyfriend who lived with me at the time had massive issues with all of it, despite having been warned back in 2013 that I was going to be doing all of this. He’d always been lowkey abusive, often in ways that evaded mum seeing him be so, but that escalated rapidly after the surgery, to the point where even mum could see it; I had an HRT check up not long after the surgery, and the nurse who roomed me asked if I was okay, or if I needed help - the abuse had become that apparent, and constant. (Yes, the relationship was terminated, though it took 3 or 4 more months for him to find a place and move out.)

For most of the time since the top surgery, I’ve not had my dysphoria trigger all that much; at most, I have a lowkey fear of some crazy, conservative, Christian redneck here is going to decide they don’t like how I look, and try beating me up - or worse. This has already happened once since the surgery: some loon was sitting on his porch at like 2 AM, and I was out on a walk; I had my headphones in, and music on, so I couldn’t hear everything he said, but caught something about how I was a vile dyke, and he started coming down off his porch at me - I ended up just looking at him as if he were less than a gnat, while continuing to walk, and he backed off. The power of looking like you don’t give any fucks.

Recently, I’ve been having more and more dysphoria, due to people just not getting that I as a person am non-binary. I have pronoun preferences. Ignoring them isn’t okay. I actually have to have my characters all have small breasts still because I get the same sense of dysphoria I’ve had for my entire life when they’re much past an A cup. I’m not going to wear a dress when I don’t want to, and I’m not going to wear an a-shirt/muscle shirt when I don’t want to. I’m not going to forgo mixing and matching men and women’s clothes for someone else’s comfort.

Generally, I’m not one to get aggressive about this stuff, because I don’t believe that aggression helps the LGBTQ+ community (or any community) considering its aggression that creates the situations we find ourselves in right now. I’m more about educating someone politely, giving them time to adjust, to remember that for me as a person, it’s They (or Xe) and not She. Let those who know me offline adjust to the fact that no, you can’t use my birth name, you have to use the name that I go by (even though that’s about as variable as David Bowie during his early musical career). You can prefer people with more curves, but you can’t tell me that I can’t be okay when you want me to be curvier, in a game or out.

Initial microaggressions are fine. Persistent ones after the fact aren’t.

If I ask you to stop doing something because it’s causing dysphoria, you don’t get to shrug it off, and just continue to do it. You don’t get to ignore the fact that what you’re doing is harmful to me, just because opening your eyes to who I actually am is inconvenient to your current world order. You don’t get to invalidate me as a person because you think your religious doctrine is against who and what I am (spoilers: nearly every religion on the planet preaches love as its highest law - and doing any of this shit to anyone violates that tenant of your faith).

You don’t have to entirely understand the why of all this. You don’t have to be savvy on all the different points on the gender spectrum. You don’t have to know the science behind it.

What you have to understand is that your actions are harmful and that if you want to be a better person, you have to stop those harmful actions. Not just because they’re harmful to me, not just because you care about me, but to just be a better person overall - to avoid doing this to anyone and everyone.

If that’s asking too much, well:

EDIT: It occurs to me that I should probably mention that it doesn’t bother me when people refer to my characters by their gendered pronouns. Ashe, Claire, Fia, and Vaylin can be referenced by she/her while Rel, Saber, and Kym’a can be referenced as he/him. Vieno will probably lean more towards they/them. The only one it’s a hard must be they/them with is Dwynd, because when I made her, it was an outlet for being completely out of the non-binary closet when I couldn’t yet be RL.

#A Moonlit Original #ashe.txt #personal #admin #long post #thanks for coming to my TEDtalk #gender #gender dysphoria #transgender #non-binary #non-xiv #non-ffxiv #non-final fantasy #non-ff

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insatiabletc · 5 years

Photo

This is Henny Scott, a 14 year old member of the Cheyenne people. She lived on the Northern Cheyenne Reservation in Lame Deer, Montana. Henny was very well loved, and it appears adored by all in her community. Here are some things that the people who knew her have said:

"She was into everything…There was nothing she couldn’t do. She could do it all. She started taking up beading, which I was proud of, she started learning Cheyenne. And her teacher commented on how well she was doing and how well she was saying the word, and that made me proud.”* - Her Mother, Paula Castro-Stops

"She was a sweet loving girl. Her smile, you could just go into a room and she’d light it up, and her hugs were the best, her laugh.”* – A friend and classmate, Tonielle Shoulder Blade.

From an interview with the Billings Gazette:

“Scott was a girl who made an effort to acknowledge people when she saw them, often times crossing the room for a hug, her mother said. She was always "jamming" to music, Stops said, bringing a brief laugh from the two of them as they stood outside Muddy Hall Saturday morning before the convoy of vehicles arrived.

‘She'd always be changing my '80s (radio) station,’ Castro said, mimicking her daughter saying ‘Jeez Mom, you're just old,’ before putting on one of her favorite R&B or hip hop stations.

She was athletic and played basketball at Lame Deer, her mother said. Scott had ambitions to become a doctor, Stops said. An EMT with Northern Cheyenne Ambulance, Castro said she would sometimes talk to her daughter about treating injuries or let her flip through her medical books."** – Journalist Ryan Welch quoting Henny’s mother, Castro-Stops.

"Henny was something else, she was always outgoing she would always try to make people happy even when she wasn't happy herself,"*** -- Henny’s sister, Barbara Other Medicine, as told to Spencer Martin.

"My Henny if anybody was to ever meet her they would just love her she could just walk in a room and just light it up get it going and everybody laughin’."*** – Paula Castro-Stops, as told to Spencer Martin.

"Whenever Henny was around you couldn't be sad or angry all you could do is be happy when she was around because she'd make you happy and just laugh all the time,"*** --Henny’s sister, Kaylannah Strange Owl.

When you read the details below, keep in mind that this was a human whose loss was shocking and devastating to her people. Hold her relatives and community in your heart.

The Bare-Bones Situation

On December 7th, 2018, Henny was hanging out at a friend’s house in a nearby area, Muddy Creek. That evening, she called her mom to see if she could go with some friends to a nearby city, Billings, to attend a basketball game. Her mom, Paula Castro-Stops, said no and to head home, to which Henny agreed. Paula waited. And waited. She grew more and more worried as time passed and Henny didn’t arrive home. She reached out to Henny’s friends and she drove around looking for her, but she had exhausted her own resources. Paula tried filing a missing person’s report with the BIA but was told that Henny was likely out partying with her friends and suggested Paula ask them where she was. Understandably, she was upset that they wouldn’t take her daughter’s disappearance seriously. Beyond the fact that Henny was 14 years old, a child now missing, the weather in Montana that night was snowy and likely below freezing. Perilous conditions regardless if she was taken by someone or lost out in the dark.

The BIA took two weeks to issue a missing person’s report, and it is unclear if police ever searched for Henny. Paula, terrified and frustrated, went to a nearby Crow Reservation to file a missing persons report there as well. That agency placed Henny’s file on the desk of a police officer who was out on leave, and thus no action was taken. Paula’s friends offered to start a search party, but she worried that doing so would step on the BIA’s toes or interfere with a formal investigation.

After two weeks of no action from the BIA, Paula accepted the offer of a community search party. On December 21st, 2018, searchers found Henny’s body within 200 yards of her own home.

Cause of Death

· Witnesses say Henny left her friend’s home on foot in light and weather-inadequate clothing.

· Coroner Terry Bullis found her cause of death to be hypothermia with alcohol as a significant contributing factor.

· Several sources say Henny’s family does not agree with the COD. It has been mentioned that Paula said her daughter’s nose was broken and she had bumps and scratches on her. We were unable to find Paula’s Facebook post that has been cited, so we are unsure if she still believes this.

· The autopsy showed that there were no “significant traumas” on Henny’s body. We learned that this is a term used to determine injuries to the body, using something called the Injury Severity Score. Anything that scores above 15 counts as significant trauma. It is a pretty confusing scoring chart for a layperson to decipher, so we couldn’t tell whether a broken nose would constitute a 15 or higher. If not, that means the family’s assertion of a broken nose, bumps, and scratches could still be accurate, just not as significant trauma.

· One woman, in a shared Facebook post, referred to a “girl” being responsible for Henny’s death. We couldn’t find anything else to substantiate this.

· Because Bullis ruled the COD as hypothermia, the FBI will no longer investigate her death, leaving the community of Lame Deer and her family with a great deal of questions and no closure.

Had the BIA Acted Sooner

We wondered, how far away was the house Henny left from? Looking at Google Maps, it appears that the general area she left from, Muddy Creek, and the center of Lame Deer was a distance of 5.4 miles. There were no public transit options and Google suggests the only walking route was along Hwy 212, an estimated walk of 1 & ½ to 2 hours. Not a terribly long distance.

The questions we wish we could answer are:

· Why didn’t someone give her a ride? Was a car not available?

· What is the BIA’s manpower like? Had they acted, what are their resources? Perhaps, if BIA officials (or Search and Rescue) had ruled out the stretch along Hwy 212, the Castro-Stops would have turned to their back yard sooner.

· Was Henny found on a path? It sounds like she was familiar with the area she was found in. Was this a route she often took from this friend’s house?

Hypothermia & Alcohol

One question we had was how long it would take someone to perish in Henny’s situation. We started by trying to find out what the weather would have been like that evening. The closest historical data we could find for 12/7/2018 was from the Billings Logan International Airport Station, pulled from Weather Underground. Billings is about 100 miles away from Lame Deer. Certainly not ideal, as weather patterns can change over a few miles, but it’s what we have. According to their data, around 7:30pm, the air temperature was 28 degrees Fahrenheit. Looking at average temperatures for Lame Deer, pulled from Weather Spark, December clocks around 13 degrees Fahrenheit.

Then, the other factor to consider with hypothermia, is wind speed. In Billings, the wind speed ranged from 14 to 18 miles per hour. Weather Spark says the average December wind speed is 13 miles per hour. According to information we found on the Canadian Centre for Occupational Health & Safety, the combination of factors for Billings shows a wind chill factor of -12, and for Lame Deer it would have been likely close to -18. This puts both Billings and Lame Deer in the same category of “moderate risk” for developing hypothermia after prolonged periods.

Adding alcohol into the mix would have raised the risk of hypothermia. Alcohol has been observed to stop the body’s shivering response, as well as pull much needed blood away from the core to the surface.

That all said, it seems that the length of time from drinking to perhaps passing out in the snow, to death is highly dependent on each person and all the miniscule factors in the moment. Without viewing the coroner’s report, we can only speculate that she could have perished anywhere from one to three days (some sources suggest that one can be “rewarmed” back to life as many as 6 hours after cardiac arrest).

So, while we may not know exactly what happened to Henny that night, we can say with all certainty that the BIA’s two-week lag in looking for her was absolutely too long. Had Henny’s family been given the proper support to find her, she may have been able to survive. The BIA should have been able to say, “we did all that we could.” Instead, their inaction at best compounded and amplified a family’s trauma, and at worst could be culpable for a child’s death. A child who they accused of partying when in reality she was trying to obey her mother and make her way home.

Who Can We Yell At?

Here’s a detail we are mad about and unsure where it fits into the story neatly, so we’ll plop it here: poor Henny’s family learned the cause of death NOT from an FBI or BIA agent or Coroner Terry Bullis…but from a newspaper article in the Billings Gazette. This is inexcusable. They’ve given a milquetoast apology (“aw gee, it was a jurisdiction issue, we’re sowwy”), but it’s not enough.

If you want to make a big fuss about this horrifying lack of care for the Castro-Stops family, you can contact the Lame Deer BIA agency here:

· Website: https://www.bia.gov/regional-offices/rocky-mountain/northern-cheyenne-agency

· Phone Number: (406) 477-8242

And the FBI field office here (looks like the closest one is in Salt Lake City):

· Website: https://www.fbi.gov/contact-us/field-offices/saltlakecity

· Phone Number: (801) 579-1400

Terry Bullis: Information taken from http://mtcoroner.org/coroner-directory.html

Big Horn County Terry Bullis P.O. Box 318 Hardin, MT 59034 Ph 406-665-1207 Fx 406-665-1208 [email protected]

How to find your state representatives to tell them how upset you are about how these cases are being handled: https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative

Terry Bullis:

While searching for contact information for Bullis, we came across this article from 2003: https://billingsgazette.com/news/local/mortician-disciplined-over-ethics/article_3cdcc6bb-2fd6-5746-8059-e7b45a19d87d.html. Essentially, Bullis was put on probation and assessed a fine as he embalmed a body (before speaking with the family) and refused to release the body to the family without payment for the embalming services.

“Bullis must also take eight hours of ethics classes. He did not have to admit any wrongdoing for embalming the body of 21-year-old Toy Parker of Ashland without her family's consent. Bullis acquired the woman's body through his duties as county coroner. He would not release her body until her family paid his $410 embalming bill.”

Turns out, embalming isn’t a required practice and nowhere in the state law does it say that bodies must be embalmed.

“Bullis was charged with failing to release human remains on demand, charging fees for services that were not requested and using his role as county coroner to funnel business into his own funeral home.”

So, not only is this the coroner who didn’t think it was his duty to inform the family first of the cause of death, he also has a shady ethical history in Montana.

Apparently, in 2003 he had such a long history of doing this, other professionals in the area at knew to have “cash on hand” because Bullis would demand payment for services no one requested and are not mandated by the state.

Turns out Bullis is sitting in an elected position. We’ve sent an email to the Elections Administrator in Big Horn County to find out the following:

1. How often elections are held – Answer: every 4 years. The last election was held in 2018, which means the next election will be in 2022.

2. Term of office – Answer: 4 years

3. Impeachments – Answer: There are no impeachments for this position. However, I would urge folks who live in this county to consider finding out other methods of reprimand if they feel upset enough about how Bullis has handled his position.

Want to Learn More About MMIWG?

Our page is just a drop in the bucket of information out there on this topic! Here are some great sources that we have come across:

• National Inquiry into Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls (Canada) https://www.mmiwg-ffada.ca/ • Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women USA https://mmiwusa.org/ • CBC’s database on MMIWG (Canada) https://www.cbc.ca/missingandmurdered/ • Justice for Native Women (USA and Canada) http://www.justicefornativewomen.com/ • The REDress Project (Canada) http://www.redressproject.org/?page_id=43 - Sovereign Bodies Institute (USA and Canada) https://www.sovereign-bodies.org/request

*From https://www.mtpr.org/post/northern-cheyenne-hold-funeral-henny-scott

** From https://billingsgazette.com/news/state-and-regional/crime-and-courts/family-community-filled-with-questions-after-teen-s-death-on/article_768c2bb9-189e-51f7-bdb3-4c274bc86ea7.html

***From https://www.kulr8.com/news/henny-scott-found-deceased-near-lame-deer-family-mourns-and/article_b93191da-0be9-11e9-9714-5fad62a66e76.html

#mmiwg #mmiw #art #sketchbook #justiceforhenny #montana #truecrime

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bamon4bamily · 6 years

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TVD 9x02 (part 1) Enjoy! =)

Cut to - Matt searching for leads on the student’s location. He gets a call from Elena.

MATT: Elena, I’m glad you called, have you found anything?

ELENA: No Matt, we can’t find any medical explanation. All we know from the patient’s assessments is that they presented the same symptoms before they collapsed, severe headaches and vision loss. They also presented the same clinical diagnosis, cerebral saccular aneurysm, leading to comatose; and they all woke up at the same time. Post-assessments are even stranger, once the patients woke up there were no signs of cerebral damage, hemorrhaging or any type of aneurysm found in their study results as if nothing had happened to them. Another odd thing is that the only thing, all the patients remember, is hearing a woman’s voice just before they blacked out. Some have been discharged, others are being kept for observation. Same goes for Mystic General. But, I think it’s safe to say these incidents definitely have to do with something supernatural. It’s just terrifying to think someone can have the power to do this… Were Bonnie and Darius able to figure something out?

MATT: No, not yet, something is messing with them too, but I can’t go into that right now; I’ll let Bonnie tell you later.

ELENA: Is she O.K?

MATT: She is now.

ELENA: I hate not being able to be there with you guys, be of more help.

MATT: Trust me, Elena, you have been very helpful. We do miss you though.

ELENA: I miss you too! I’m trying to make my way over there for the weekend, so hopefully, I’ll see you guys soon.

MATT: We’d love that. Listen, I have to go, the boss is calling me; let me know if you find anything else, O.K?

ELENA: I will.

MATT: Talk soon.

ELENA: Bye Matt.

MATT: Mayor, how can I be of service?

EDWARD POWELL: Sheriff, I just wanted to know how your meeting went and if there is any progress?

MATT: Still nothing. Some students have gone missing from the Salvatore School, I suspect it’s related. I told everyone to keep a low profile, I think we might be under surveillance. In the meantime, I’m investigating the students’ case, and my friends are helping with some research.

EDWARD POWELL: The number one priority is to find those students Sheriff, we must assure they return home safely. Please keep me informed and let me know as soon as you find them. I will leave you to your duties.

MATT: Thank you, I will keep you posted.

EDWARD POWELL: Farewell Sheriff.

MATT: Goodbye Mayor.

Cut to - the study at the Salvatore school. Radka, Alaric, Bonnie, and Darius are working on their research.

RADKA: Guys, I think I found something, take a look at this (shows them an old book). There are some similarities with the recent incidents. It says here that some sort of “mystical attack” was used to disable an entire army front in England, back in the 1600s. Over 100 soldiers mysteriously dropped unconscious during battle… Then again, the same type of attack in the 1800s, WW1, WW2…

ALARIC: Maybe that linking spell? (To Darius) You know, the one in your family’s grimoire…

DARIUS: That type of linking spell would require a psychic-witch to perform it. The only known psychic-witches are Bonnie and me, (with sarcasm) and I’m pretty sure we weren’t around at that time, I’m I right Bon?

BONNIE: Well, Silas was a psychic-witch too, so maybe there are more?

DARIUS: No Bon, Silas was a witch that used psychic powers, which is different.

RADKA: O.K, I’m getting very confused here, what exactly is the difference?

DARIUS: All witchcraft is grounded in psychic energy; powerful witches can tap into that energy to enhance their powers. Psychic-witches don’t tap into that energy, they generate it… big difference.

RADKA: Wait, let me go back a step, remind me what this linking spell does?

DARIUS: It links the mind of a psychic-witch to any given number of minds, and by generating psychic energy during the spell, the psychic-witch can pretty much do anything to the minds it's linked to.

BONNIE: Including giving them an aneurysm and putting them in a coma…

DARIUS: ... Even killing them, if the psychic-witch is powerful enough.

RADKA: That’s very unsettling… but, wait. If there weren’t any psychic witches back then, how come your family made a spell that only a non-excitant species could perform? Doesn’t make sense.

DARIUS: I’m guessing they weren’t aware of it and thought any witch or psychic could perform it, reason why so many died trying…

ALARIC: Still, doesn’t make much sense… I know you two are the only psychic-witches that we know of, but, given that your family (referring to Darius) hid most of their historical documentation, we can’t eliminate the possibility that there have been others in your bloodline or in your’s Bonnie… we just don’t know about them.

DARIUS: I highly doubt that Ric, trust me, I know my family’s history and there has never been a Bannion psychic-witch other than me.

BONNIE: As for the Bennetts, grams told me I am the only one.

RADKA: So, we are back to square one… if there were no psychic-witches back then, then there is no way the incidents are connected, or that there is a linking spell or psychic-witches involved in the recent ones. This is frustrating!

ALARIC: We will figure this out Rad, I swear.

Cut to – The twin's bedroom, they are asleep, Caroline is reading on a rocking chair, keeping an eye on them. Suddenly, a voice is heard, not very clear what it says but puts Caroline into a trance state, she wakes the girls up (who are also in a trance-like state) and leaves with them.

Cut to - Damon walking into the study, it’s late.

DAMON: So, I’m guessing you’re pulling an all-nighter? Maybe now I can be useful for something other than teaching a bunch of smart mouths about vampires.

DARIUS: Actually, we could use a drink (mocking).

ALARIC: Ah, that sounds perfect right about now…

DAMON: I will gladly serve my buddies a well-deserved bourbon (opens his study bar, gets the drinks, serves Bonnie, Alaric, Radka and himself a bourbon). (To Darius) Oops, sorry “buddy”, we are out of gin (serves him a cider), I hope you’re into cider, hear that’s what the cool kids in Ireland are drinking now (gives him a smirk).

DARIUS: Then clearly, you haven’t been.

DAMON: Trust me, I have; way back when your great grandparents weren’t even on the map.

BONNIE (Trying to break the tension) O.K, so basically, we have nothing…

ALARIC: I’m still not totally convinced that there weren’t any witch-psychics back then or one now…

DARIUS: For the sake of argument, let’s say that is true. They would still need the spell, not sure about back then, but I am 100% sure that it wasn’t used for these attacks, only I have access to my family’s grimoire.

DAMON: And we are still trusting him, why? I mean, come on, he literally has all the required ingredients… I think we should be asking why not who.

DARIUS: I know you’d like nothing more Damon, but the timeline doesn’t fit, do the math. I wasn’t even in the country when the first incident happened. Granted, I am powerful, but not nearly powerful enough to be able to reach and control minds from across the Atlantic. I can see why you are usually benched, not too sharp with your investigating skills.

RADKA: Listen, it’s really late and we are all tired, we aren’t getting anywhere. Let’s get some rest and continue tomorrow.

BONNIE: I agree.

ALARIC: Yes, let’s recharge and clear our heads. Goodnight everyone. (Alaric and Radka say good night and exit).

BONNIE: (To Damon and Darius) Aren’t you guys coming?

DARIUS: If it’s fine with Damon, I’d like for us to have a little chat.

BONNIE: O.K, that’s my queue to leave, goodnight guys, and please, play nice, we are all on the same team. (Bonnie leaves).

DARIUS: So, tell me, Damon, honestly, why all this animosity?

DAMON: I think I’ve made that quite clear, I don’t trust you.

DARIUS: And why is that?

DAMON: I just don’t. Call it intuition if you like.

DARIUS: Intuition is a great gift Damon, but not quite accurate in humans. They tend to believe they have intuition, when really, all they have is mistrust, eventually leading them to such paranoia, that they end up all alone. Maybe that’s what went terribly wrong with you and Elena. (Damon lashes out and takes him by the neck, Darius uses his powers to push him off). I’d be more careful if I were you, Damon, you are human now, still as useless as before, but much more fragile…

DAMON: I know what you are trying to do, and I’m not going to play your little mind games. But, rest assured, vampire or human, if you mess with Bonnie in any way, I will rip your heart out and force feed it to your dead corpse.

DARIUS: Uff, dark! Calm down “pal”, I can’t make Bonnie do anything she doesn’t want to… but I can’t control what she desires. (Damon hits him)

DARIUS: (Incorporates) Temper, temper… that has always been your downfall, Damon, you have no self-control.

DAMON: (Composes himself) You know what? For once, you are actually right (gives him a smirk). If you need some ice, you can grab some from the kitchen. I’ll leave you to your cider… (Damon leaves, Darius looks pissed, he was expecting retaliation).

Cut to – Cave scene. Caroline and the twins are in a cell.

CAROLINE: (Confused and disoriented) Girls, are you O.K? What happened? Where are we?

LIZ: I don’t know mommy…

JOSIE: I don’t remember anything, except hearing aunt Bonnie’s voice...

CAROLINE: I thought I heard it too…

VOICE: (Sounds exactly like Bonnie) You did… don’t worry, it will be over soon.

Cut to -Salvatore School, next morning. Alaric goes to the twin’s room to wake them up and get them ready for class.

ALARIC: (As he opens the door) Rise and shine! (Sees they are not in bed)

Girls? Girls? (Looks around the room, nothing, tries the bathroom, nothing. Goes to Caroline’s room to see if they are there, knocks on the door) Care, are the girls with you? (No answer) Care? (Opens the door, the bed is made, no one inside the room. He calls Caroline’s phone, it’s in her purse which is in her dressing room. Alaric leaves the room to look for them around the mansion, calls Radka)

RADKA: Hey, what’s up?

ALARIC: Have you seen Caroline or the girls?

RADKA: No, why? Is everything O.K?

ALARIC: I can’t find them. They are not in their rooms, they are not in the kitchen, classrooms, nowhere… and Caroline’s bag and car are here, so they didn’t go out…

RADKA: Ric, we will find them, call Matt, I’ll tell everyone to look. (Runs to Bonnie’s room, knocks) Bonnie?

BONNIE: (Opens the door) Hey Radka, did I oversleep? Can’t even tell what time it is…

RADKA: Sorry to disturb you, have you heard from Caroline? We can’t find her or the girls…

BONNIE: No, I haven’t talked to her, are you sure they are not somewhere around the mansion? This is quite a huge place…

RADKA: We’ve looked everywhere, they are not in the mansion, Caroline’s phone and car are here, so she didn’t go out…

BONNIE: I’m calling Matt…

RADKA: Alaric is already on that.

BONNIE: O.K, let me put some decent clothes on, in the meantime, can you please get me some of their personal belongings, a map, candles, and we’ll meet at the library in five.

RADKA: But, Bonnie…

BONNIE: I know, just please do it.

RADKA: (Reluctantly) O.K…

Cut to – the library, Bonnie is setting up to do a locator spell. Damon walks in.

DAMON: Bon, what are you doing?

BONNIE: What does it look like I’m doing Damon?

DAMON: Are you insane? Don’t you remember what happened to you the last time? No way in hell you’re doing this!

BONNIE: I am, so please give it a rest, and help me set up.

DAMON: Absolutely not Bon-Bon! Listen, here is a better idea, why don’t we have your little friend do the spell, see how that goes first … Where is Waldo, by the way?

BONNIE: He’s on his way from downtown.

(Alaric, Sergei, and Radka walk in)

ALARIC: Bonnie, Matt is on his way, you are not doing the spell.

DAMON: Thank you!

BONNIE: Ric, we have to find them…

ALARIC: And we will, but not like this, we are not putting you in any risk.

SERGEI: If I may suggest, what if Ms. Bennet helps one of our conjurer students do the spell?

DAMON: Did you really just say, conjurer? Man, you are as old-fashioned as it gets.

BONNIE: We don’t know if the same thing will happen to them, we can’t put them in danger.

ALARIC: I agree, we don’t know if this thing only affects psychic-witches or witches in general.

(Matt walks in)

ALARIC: Matt, hey! Please tell me you found something.

MATT: Not yet. So, when did you last see Caroline and the girls?

ALARIC: Yesterday, after I tucked the girls in, Caroline stayed to keep an eye on them. Then, this morning, they were gone. Caroline’s purse, phone, and car are here. No one saw or heard anything…

MATT: Where was everyone last night?

ALARIC: Radka, Bonnie, Darius and I were in here doing research till about 2am.

SERGEI: I was in my chamber reading; took to rest at about 12 o’clock.

MATT: Damon?

DAMON: I joined them (referring to Bonnie, Alaric, etc.) for a little while, stayed for about 5 minutes with Bonnie’s wacko-psycho friend for a chit-chat, then I went to bed.

MATT: Bon, where is Darius?

BONNIE: He went into town, he should be back soon.

MATT: Damon, do you know if Darius went to bed after you?

DAMON: I don’t know Donovan, I’m not his nanny! I left him here with a black-eye and bottle of cider, that’s all I know.

BONNIE: Matt, why are you asking? Do you think Darius is involved?

DAMON: Maybe I have been underestimating you, Donovan…

MATT: No Bon, it’s just standard procedure. I have to know the whereabouts of anyone who was in contact or saw the girls and Caroline last.

DAMON: Nop, guess I haven’t …

MATT: O.K. I’m going to search the girls and Caroline’s room.

ALARIC: We already did Matt, nothing is out of order, no signs of a break-in or a struggle...

MATT: I know Ric, again, standard procedure. I’m doing this by the book, please trust me. Bonnie, let me know when Darius gets here, I need his statement too.

BONNIE: I will. What should we do in the meantime?

MATT: For now, just stay put, with your phones at hand. Ric, can you take me to the rooms, please.

ALARIC: Sure.

RADKA: I’ll come too (they leave).

Cut to – cave scene. Caroline and the girls in their cell, the girls are scared and crying.

CAROLINE: Girls, listen to me. I need you to be calm, O.K? I won’t let anything happen to you, understood?

JOSIE: Mommy, I have a very bad feeling…

LIZ: Me too…

CAROLINE: I know this is scary, but daddy and our friends will find us, very soon.

JOSIE: Why is aunt Bonnie doing this to us?

CAROLINE: Trust me Josie, your aunt Bonnie has nothing to do with this, she would never hurt us. Someone or something just wants us to think she is doing this, but she is not, O.K?

VOICE: That’s where you are wrong Care… (Bonnie walks to the cage door)

CAROLINE: Bonnie?

TO BE CONTINUED... Stay tuned for 9x02 (part 2) coming soon =)

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douxreviews · 5 years

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Jessica Jones - ‘A.K.A. I Have No Spleen’ Review

"My name on your case file does not make me a victim."

Jessica Jones is forced to confront her own vulnerability.

You can imagine how well that goes.

There's something interesting going on this season with Jessica Jones and the way they're layering the plot across episodes, and I'm really grooving on it.

'The Perfect Burger' and 'You're Welcome' pulled the time honored conceit of telling more or less the same story from two different perspectives for the sake of making some interesting character contrasts and burying a couple of reveals. That's usually a good trick, structurally speaking, since not only does it allow you to do some character exploration, it also has the bonus effect of making your season feel more tightly focused. 'I Have No Spleen' pulls another variation on this trick by essentially having Jessica spend the entire episode pursuing a false assumption that is ultimately revealed to be a mare's nest before it circles back to the exact same ending point that the previous two episodes shared and giving us some new and unexpected information.

So, that's essentially an entire episode's run time devoted to a side quest that turns out to be irrelevant and mostly serves to mark time until Jessica can be in the right place under the right circumstances to finally pick up the real scent. I say that pretty baldly, which makes it sound like a criticism, but it absolutely is not. It allows a lot of space for character work without feeling like the plot is treading water, and like the technique used in the first two episodes results in the storyline maintaining a lean and focused feel, which is a really good look for the show. If there was a specific complaint I had about season two, it was that it often felt more sprawling and unfocused than it was intending to be. These first three episodes feel like a very specifically designed course correction to that.

There's a clever use of audience assumptions here, since we're all more or less on the same incorrect page. We and Jessica are assuming that she was the target of the attack, and that therefore the attacker must be someone who has a beef with Jessica. This naturally leads both Costa and Jessica to assume that it's one of her clients, since the quickest way to get irritated with Jessica is to have met her. Jessica takes it one step further and assumes that it must be the work of Andrew Brandt, her most recent investigatee. Brandt is of course the ever-so-charming gentleman who had his sister beaten up in order to acquire a statue, and the resident of the apartment that Trish and Jessica both ended up in. See both previous episodes for that complete story.

Of course, that turns out to be not at all what's going on, and we'll talk about that in just a moment, but let's dig into what this episode really had on its mind when it wasn't pretending to be hot on the trail of Jessica's attacker. This episode was about two women who see themselves almost entirely in terms of eliminating all trace of vulnerability from their lives, and what happens when they have the illusion of invulnerability stripped away.

Speaking of invulnerability for just a moment, I can't have been the only one who'd forgotten that Jessica wasn't technically invulnerable, right? When she was stabbed I was genuinely surprised and had a very clear moment of, 'Wait, she can't be hurt, can she?' We get so used to heroes with super strength and the power of jumping really high that we subconsciously just assume that freedom from being hurt is part of the standard package. And of course, it isn't. If it was, Luke Cage wouldn't be so special. Well, sure, his abs would still be pretty special, but that's beside the point I'm making at the moment.

One of the goals for Jessica this season is an attempt to live as a hero. She's genuinely trying to be a better person and to use her powers in a heroic way, as a result of the events of last season. But in her mind, in order to be a hero you have to be invulnerable and she has just had it proved that she is not. That's an incorrect assumption on her part, of course, but it really makes sense for her as a character that she would see things that way. This was actually a really nice way for the show to pick back up the most successful aspect of season one, the way it addressed the sexual assault survivor metaphor. In Jessica's situation, with what Jessica has been through, nothing can be as important to her as her sense of self protection. No burger is perfect enough to protect Erik Gelden if he was in any way responsible for taking that away from her.

Jessica's plan for regaining the sense of control that she needs just to get through her day to day life is to solve the mystery of her attack on her own and not let the police handle it, which is entirely on brand for her. It's touching that Costa kind of gets that and lets her do it. Her plan gets a bit of a setback when she finds out she's been on entirely the wrong track, however, and it's here where the episode shows what I was talking about earlier in regard to a 'treading water' plot not being without value. This is the story of Jessica Jones needing a win in order to regain her sense of security, and not getting it, and that's a story worth telling. Particularly as the thing that ultimately allows her to stay in the hospital and thereby metaphorically accept temporary vulnerability, is the text of help from Jeri Hogarth.

Jeri is Jessica's mirror at this point. She's starting to be unable to ignore the impending acceleration of her ALS symptoms and is desperate to find ways to regain the sense that she's in control of her own life. Unfortunately, for Jeri that seems to involve deliberately seducing her ex-lover in an attempt to break up that ex-lover's current happy marriage, which is... I mean, where do you even begin to unpack that? The look of disappointment on Jeri's face when she finds out that Kith and Peter have an open marriage, and therefore her successful seduction of Kith was entirely meaningless, is heartbreaking and complicated. And look at that, it occurs at exactly the same point in the plot as Jessica's lowest moment in the hospital.

What makes this all fascinating is the scene which is really the emotional core of the entire episode. Jeri comes to Jessica's office, and among other things they discuss one another's current weaknesses. What's fascinating is the fact that they're both constantly attempting to turn the conversation away from their own problem and instead express sympathy and support for the other's. Neither of them can bear to be the object of concern for even a moment, despite the fact that they both quite clearly do care about one another's troubles and the expressions of sympathy they're making are 100% genuine. They're just also a way to avoid receiving sympathy themselves. That's just a great scene.

As for the side characters, They carry on much the same. Malcolm continues his journey to the heart of 'pliable ethics.' Trish continues to embrace the life of a superhero with all the verve of a college freshman who just discovered environmentalism, and is just as intolerable while doing it. Although it was hard not to sympathize with her when her co-host told her she was born to sell crappy clothes on shopping TV. Trish and Jessica's relationship has always been my favorite thing about this show, and I have such grave concerns about where this final season is going to leave them.

And while I'm sharing concerns and hopes, could Malcolm's new girlfriend Zaya maybe not turn out to be evil? Please? Because I'm getting a serious 'I'm going to turn out to be evil' vibe from her. Similarly, I'm really hoping that Erik the burger guy doesn't turn out to be evil, although I find him kind of attractive and everything in my personal dating history guarantees that that means he's evil.

Of course, the real winner of this episode is clearly Doctor 'I Love to Make Spleen Puns.' Totally loved that guy.

Bits and Pieces:

-- I really enjoyed the detail that the hospital totally understands about superhumans and factors that into patient care. That was just a really nice bit of world building.

-- Does Jessica's superpower set involve having a better than average immune response? Because what the show said was accurate; the duties of the spleen are also taken on by the liver and, to a lesser extent, the lymph nodes, but maybe Jessica doesn't want to put too much reliance on her liver handling the job. I'm just saying.

-- Did Jeri have any reason other than trying to break up Kith's marriage to have Malcolm spy on Peter? I think I might have missed something significant regarding that.

-- Minor quibble, but the hospital would have discussed her spleen situation with her before getting Jessica a medic alert bracelet. For one thing, insurance tends to not cover them, and for another they take a bit to get made. There's no way that she would have found out she'd lost her spleen that way. I get that it's 'show don't tell' narrative shorthand, but I felt obligated to put the real information out there.

-- While we're talking sound medical advice from your considerate television review website, blood in your urine (for males) is absolutely typical after blunt force trauma to the torso, and typically will be released before the flow of urine, not after. It's most often nothing to be concerned about, but check with your doctor if it persists or worsens. DouxReviews is not a medical practitioner, and should not be viewed as a source of diagnostic feedback.

-- I was just thinking that Jessica shouldn't be able to walk around as casually as she was doing when she collapsed and passed out. Thank you, show.

-- I suppose that, technically, what happened to Wendy in season one might be described as a tragic accident. But that feels like underselling it.

-- Reading between the lines, Jeri cheated on Kith with Wendy and then left Kith for her.

-- My favorite moment of kindness that I've seen on television for ages: Malcolm, knowing that Jessica would resent any help he gave her as pity, prepared a bill for his time in advance so that she had an out to protect her dignity. That actually made me go 'Awwww' out loud.

-- I adore Gillian, Jessica's new assistant, and have a million questions about her backstory.

Quotes:

Doctor: "That's what I'm trying to ex-spleen to you." It's hard not to love the doctor.

Jessica: "Where would a liter of bourbon a day fall on the reckless scale?"

Jeri: "The Cale Caesar is quite filling." Kith: "Talk about faint praise."

Kith: "See? All of the wine."

Jessica: "A hero is strong. A hero is invulnerable. A hero has a goddamn spleen."

Jessica: "You've been a hero for five minutes. I've been one half my life." Trish: "You've been super, Jess. There's a difference."

Gillian: "It's 12:29. I'm taking lunch. And there's a client waiting in the office. Should I tell them you've recently been the victim of a violent crime and are currently indisposed?"

A really focused and well structured entry into a season that I feel is only just getting started. I mean that in the best possible way. I think the word I'm looking for here is 'disciplined.'

Eight out of ten cases of unabashed verve.

---

Mikey Heinrich is, among other things, a freelance writer, volunteer firefighter, and roughly 78% water.

#Jessica Jones #Trish Walker #Jeri Hogarth #Malcolm Ducasse #Marvel #MCU #Jessica Jones Reviews #Doux Reviews #TV Reviews

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intj-confessions · 6 years

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1/ Okay so my younger brother got diagnosed with autism when he was 2 and I was 7 years old and everything was great. But over the years more and more things that I would consider rational and relatable behaviour in my brother, others would consider very obvious autistic traits. And then I came across some studies saying that siblings of autistic people tend to have autistic traits and I was like "this makes a lot of sense" and didn't think much of it.

2/ Recently, I have come to the conclusion that my older also undiagnosed brother definitely has autism. He 100% agrees even if he doesn’t like saying he does because he spent years conditioning himself out of as many traits as possible in order to fit it. In the last week, upon much reflection, I’ve come to further realise that as a girl who was brought up with very strict gender roles and obviously will not present with the same behaviour as my other two brothers.

3/ Especially when it terms of socialising because the only reason why the idea that I was autistic was never even in the realm of possibility is that I am a goddamn psychologist. My job relies on my being good at picking up social nuance and without tooting my own horn I like to think, and have been reliably informed, that I’m pretty good at it. Except as a psychologist, I know that that’s not necessarily how autism works. So now I’m at a loss. I don’t want to try to get a diagnosis.

4/ I don’t think I need formal services or supports or stuff like that. More importantly, I don’t want to see myself or have others see me through an autism lens. I want my quirks to be quirks unique to me and not another yes on a diagnostic checklist. Apart from my older brother, no one has ever brought up the fact that I (we) may be on the spectrum as well and I want to keep it that way. I’m a lot of things that aren’t typical especially where I’m living.

5/ It’s already difficult moving through the world; I don’t want to add to that. But I also desperately want to be told that I’m right because it would explain so much of my life and maybe a diagnosis would enhance the way I see my life and not diminish it. But also how does an adult go about getting a neurodevelopmental disorder diagnosis? Talking to my parents about this isn’t really a possibility, if it was I wouldn’t be here. (Sorry about the length, didn’t think it would be this long).

6/ Now just realised that maybe your INTJ blog wasn’t the best place to send these asks? Maybe your mommy problems blog??? I’ve just followed you for a long time and I felt that you were the best person who’s not in my personal life to ask at 03:00 in the morning. Ooooh I regret everything about this now.

Just an FYI, you can always PM me off anonymous. If you don’t want a public response you can just say so, and I’ll respond privately. Bypasses the “oops wrong blog” thing. But seriously, don’t worry about it.

There are a couple of quizzes available online, though I don’t know if you believe in those. Many people find them helpful, and people with a formal diagnosis do score high on these things.

Personally, I don’t find validation a good enough reason to seek a professional diagnosis. It’s really expensive, and it can be potentially harmful in stuff like custody/CPS cases to have that kind of thing on file. You could always try having another psychologist buddy give you an informal diagnosis, but I don’t know if they’d be willing to do that, and they’d need to be familiar with all the traits of an adult female autistic, which most people are not.

As one therapist told me, even if you don’t have enough traits to qualify as autistic yourself, they’re still there and they’re still valid. They don’t cease to exist because you lack a diagnosis, or because you don’t have enough. It was really important for me to hear, and I hope you take it to heart as well.

It definitely runs in families. I can’t tell you how stupid I feel as someone who breeds animals, and totally understands that personality traits are heritable, yet I totally dismissed a lot of my own quirks as environmental. A lot of this was due to not having the names for things like Sensory Processing Disorder or Social Anxiety, but I totally expected NT kids despite my husband and I having weird-ass brains. I mean:

Him: ADHD, Anxiety, Depression

Me: Autism (probably), Anxiety, SPD

Kid 1: Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder, Anxiety, Depression, ADHD (possible, we will find out once we start medicating the rest)

Kid 2: Autism, SPD

Kid 3: Quirky with a speech delay. School says autism and the psychologist says no. So we’ll see.

Going further up the family tree, my sister is bipolar, as was my grandmother. My husband’s mom has anxiety, and some other shit (her mom was also whacky). My cousin’s kid appears to have SPD. Several family members have told me they think my other grandma might have had ADHD. So yeah, there is ND all over the family tree. It pisses me off so much when people go on about the autism “epidemic,” because all you have to do is look back through history and it’s everywhere. There are autism spikes in areas where certain industries are prevalent (like tech), because when a couple engineers with autistic traits marry, they will have autistic kids.

Here are some links for you.

Autism Spectrum Quotient.

Aspie Quiz

Tony Attwood - Aspergers in Girls (video, I have not seen but it’s supposed to be pretty accurate)

Whether or not you seek a diagnosis is up to you, but if you don’t, like a lot of us you’re going to be torn on the issue for a while. Remember that you know your brain best. You’ve just got to make peace with yourself. A diagnosis does not change who you are.

#autism #autistic #diagnosis #mental health #actuallyautistic

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distractedfanatic · 6 years

Text

Grey’s Talk + Real Talk

This delves into mental illness and it also discusses spoilers for Grey’s Anatomy 15x16.

Under cut for sensitivity and spoilers. This is also stupid (STUPID) long and I’m sorry but I needed to say it. Hopefully it finds the people who need to read it. 💗

[but seriously, it’s long]

Deluca’s Dad storyline was harder for me than I expected. And not for the reasons I thought. It was hard because I expected to be more conflicted and I felt guilty for how passionately sure I was about my reactions. I also feel that my strong (negative) opinions merit some explanation. Specifically, because my issue is not with his mental illness, but with the behaviour even (and especially) from the lens of mental illness. My possibly controversial stance is that mental illness is not an excuse. It’s a reason or perhaps an explanation, but it is not an excuse for treating people badly, for alienating people or for neglecting self-work and certainly not for abusive behaviour to people trying to help and support (and I know sometimes this is impossible. I get that.) But I do think Andrew’s Dad was manipulating him and it broke my heart to see Carina’s pain in this episode - give that woman a hug!

[Digression into some context building on my opinion....]

Mental illness is close to my life. It’s a personal struggle and journey for me and it is an active, constant, often painful commitment to remaining accountable for my actions and my relationships. It’s not easy, and it’s really not fair, BUT it’s my truth and I believe in the power of leading by example. So I don’t say it lightly that I believe mental illness is not an excuse and I believe I must out myself in order to take that stance. I cannot always control what I think or feel or even how I act. But I can control how I react to it after, how I approach damage control, how much accountability I take and how much power I give mental illness in exchange for wiping my hands of its destruction.

My easy days are what some would consider their hardest. It’s all on a spectrum. My reality allows me to see both sides clearer because I have such a stark comparison between good and bad, up and down. I refuse to give mental illness credit for the absolute beauty and gratitude I have for my life and my good days, so why would I blame it fully for my bad days. Giving an illness I did not ask for and cannot control, the power of saying it makes me who I am or it dictates my quality of connections is not worth it to me to be able to surrender to it and hide behind it and I owe it to myself and everyone else to embrace it and understand it so it does not control me. I do name it. I do speak it - but how that looks for me is not rooted in shame or manipulation, it comes from a place of honesty. Of “I’m not okay today and I can’t have this conversation”. Of “I wasn’t myself and I’m doing the very best I can”. I feel the responsibility I carry as a result of mental illness and I have deep respect for anyone who is doing their best - whatever that looks like. And I draw the line at painting myself a victim - it is a disservice to the honest to god work it takes to be a human with a mental illness in a world still not built for us. And these stories on Grey’s about parents with mental illness are tough for me because I recognize that I’m in the drivers seat and should I decide to raise kids I will need to hold myself even more accountable because the cards I’ve been dealt cannot be any child’s burden. But I also appreciate this is a deeply personal topic and I respect that other people may disagree - that is their right. This is simply my own truth.

[Back to Grey’s….]

When mental illness is depicted on TV that’s always risky. (Shout out to You’re the Worst and A Million Little Things for getting a lot of stuff right and being self-aware). My personal experience is also why I have SUCH a soft spot for Helen (or at least, the season 15 version of her). I’m so proud of her, if that makes sense. I’m happy for Alex to have this time with her as her best self, and I’m proud of her. I loved how in 15x15 they played with the audience and Alex’s perception of what mental illness looks like and what stability looks like.

It is a struggle to accurately portray these topics because it’s a struggle to actually live them, or to watch loved ones live them. On TV and in life, it’s hard to balance a fear that you or your loved one isn’t okay, but also be open that they are not defined by their illness and that it can (hopefully) be managed (by meds, therapy, alternative options, or a combination). That they are a person that is bigger than any illness. And the cruelty is that “okay” and “not okay” can look so very similar.

So in Helen’s situation the bar was set low for Alex and he’s seeing that she is doing okay, so maybe he can stop looking at her as someone to take care of and focus on building a relationship. Andrew is doing the same, in theory - even if I think his motivations are influenced by other factors. But I do think Helen and Dr. Deluca will be foils to each other here. Both struggle with mental illness, both have sons deeply impacted as a result. But are the outcomes going to be different?

But also, has Helen primed us to expect that he will be opposite. If she is stable, do we automatically expect him not to be? We do have it on good authority (Carina) that he isn’t as okay as he seems. How much are they playing with our perceptions and misconceptions about mental illness? I don’t know that. I also don’t know Dr. Deluca enough to know what his personality is. He does come across as quite intense from the get go - but I don’t want to unfairly assume this is nearing manic territory, when it could just be who he is: a passionate, excited doctor and father who may be a bit tone deaf as to the impact he’s had on his family. My gut feeling is he is not okay. Carina tells us he is not okay. Everything. EVERYTHING about her in this episode exudes pain and exhaustion and proof of how not okay he really is and how she is shouldering that burden - more so with Andrew not open to seeing her side.

Now, regarding the conversation between Deluca and his Dad - that I personally feel fueled Andrew’s desire to take his Dad’s side… As it was happening I wasn’t convinced he would go down that rabbit hole. So I’m kind of disappointed that’s what seems to have happened. But there was a very key connection that tells me this was intentional - and if that’s the case, it is a larger theme that needs to be explored between him and Mer.

In 15x12 when he’s getting frustrated with her hot and cold he says (I’m paraphrasing my ass off here) [“I thought you were so BEYOND me. But you’re not. You’re like a child”] -- say what you will about the validity or appropriateness of those comments. But he was tuning into a real feeling he was having and naming that he had felt undeserving of her, at least in part. He was giving us a window into an insecurity he may not even be fully aware of.

SO. To see his Dad echo that to the letter was very interesting:

VD - “I see you... but this woman of yours, she is beyond you.”

AD - “Wow... Thank you”

VD - “Andrea, even I have heard of Meredith Grey, all the way back home. She’s more than a beauty, she is brilliant.

AD - “Yeah, I’m aware”

VD - “So... then... we change the word together! We save the babies!”

If I’m correct in how intentional this was, then I 100% believe Deluca got hijacked by this nagging insecurity and is going full speed ahead, not only because he wants to give his Dad a chance or believes he is truly stable enough for this project (which may be true for all we know). But an additional, and perhaps more powerful motivator for Andrew is that if he can be part of medical history then he can meet Mer on the pedestal he has put her on - subconsciously or not.

My disclaimer to all this is that I do believe he is confident, and I’m aware he went after her first. But you can be confident and sure of an attraction and still insecure. You can be open to love and still be intimidated. He can feel all the things. I think the trouble will be if he is unaware that he is feeling them and therefore does not deal with them. And finally, if this is an issue that surfaces, and it’s not addressed, it could breed resentment and frustration on both ends - I do not want Mer taking this on as her own because she is not lording her power over him and in fact, she was concerned about that dynamic because she understands how hard it can be. My hope is that she recognizes it and can reassure him and he will find some solid footing in their relationship and with his Dad. If I didn’t love them so hard and love him so hard I’d probably enjoy seeing him all innocent and vulnerable, but I’m just scared he’s opening himself up to be heartbroken by his Dad. And I’m not sure I can handle that. haha. Finger crossed no matter what happens with the Deluca famjam, it only serves to bring Merluca closer. 🤞💗

I’m fascinated by where they could take all this. I’m cautiously optimistic that even if it goes sideways, they can still offer some valuable commentary on mental illness and the stigma around it.

I’m so excited to see the reactions from the rest of the fandom!

Sorry this got so real (and SO long). I just couldn’t talk about this episode without going into what is informing my thoughts. Talking about mental illness and mental health matters, and if my openness resonates with just one person, that’s enough. Everyone has light inside and it’s okay not to be okay. And for everyone else fighting this monster, and doing the very best to be your very best: I see you. You are not alone. 💗

#trigger warning #tw: mental health #grey's anatomy spoilers #grey's anatomy 15x16 #spoiler alert #okay not to be okay #you are not alone #real talk #mental illness #mental health #long post

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