#NOT TO MENTION SHE COULD HURT HERSELF IF THOSE THINGS BROKE.

[dreamcast-official]

genuine question am i just a bitch for being upset over something .

[ghostofwriting]

in London: I break down cause you're not around

Rafe x Reader

Warnings: mentions of cheating

Note: Just a random drabble idea that popped into my head. Please don't come at me for more cheating okay just call me Taylor Jenkins Reid because apparently, that's all I can write. Absolutely not KS related. KS Chapter 4 coming soon.

Word Count: 1,346

Summary: Rafe probably

"But you're in London, and I break down 'Cause it's not fair that you're not around

This is when the feeling sinks in I don't wanna miss you like this Come back, be here"

It’s humid out, everything feels damp, her baby blue dress sticking to her uncomfortably. The slight breeze makes her shiver due to the contrast of the heat when it touches her skin. She can’t quite breathe.

She’s outside on the terrace, the stone railing covered in pink flowers with green vines running underneath them. The stairs lead to a garden and a small maze. If you walk past the tree line, you’ll hit the ocean, she can hear the waves crashing.

She needed to step out and take a breather. There are too many people inside, it feels too crowded, and all her past lives come back to haunt her. She shouldn’t even be here. She should be back in London where she started her new life. Far away from any reminders of what could have been. 

He’s been watching her all night. The partygoers had been dancing, mingling and catching up, celebrating the happy couple and everywhere she turned she caught his eye. From the corner of her eye, or through the reflection of a mirror. He would look at her over the rim of his glass as he took a sip of his drink. She had been avoiding him, not only tonight but for the better part of the year. Ever since they broke up. 

He had tried to text and call and beg his way back into her life but it wasn’t something that he could be part of anymore. When he had tried to follow her to London, she told him that never in a million years would she forgive him. There is nothing he could do to fix what he tore to shreds. 

They had been together for years. She trusted him with everything she had in her and he betrayed that trust by sleeping with her best friend. Why? She had asked him the night she walked away. Why would you sleep with her? He had no answer, no vocabulary that could make this better. 

His friends had told her that it was because she had laid into him too hard one time and made him so angry that he wanted revenge. She wasn’t perfect, she knew that he had shit going on with his dad and that the drugs didn’t help either. He wasn’t necessarily stable, but she didn’t think he could hurt her just to hurt her. They told her he regretted it immediately and swore them all to secrecy. He threatened them with god knows what and they vouched for him. 

She had started to suspect something happened between the two when they started acting weird around each other. Before the shift, they never avoided each other, they were civil and they could hold conversations. After it happened, they were never seen in the same room and if on the rare occasion they were, no eye contact would be made and no words exchanged. Sometimes on those rare occasions, she would watch her best friend and see how she looked at him. Her eyes softened and a small smile appeared on her face only to be wiped off as soon as she made eye contact with her. She would brush it off and pretend that she was seeing things. At some point, her best friend pulled away from the friend group and stopped talking to her. She was hurt because she didn’t know why and never received an explanation. 

When the guilt started to eat at her, that’s when she came forward. Five months after the act was committed. She looked at her in disbelief as she explained herself and told her that she was sorry, that she was in love with him. In love with her boyfriend. Her best friend and her boyfriend. How cliche? How did she let that happen to her?

He had been looking for her, trying to find her to stop her from telling the truth. It was too late when she found her. She was silent, staring at the crying girl. The one that had been her best friend. She looked at him and started to back away, 

“Wait!” He had yelled after her, “Please, listen!” He rann up behind her, reaching for her arm, unsuccessfully as she kept walking. 

He had followed her through the parking lot trying to stop her from getting into her car. Tears glistening in his eyes. 

She wouldn’t listen. There was no coming back from this. She didn’t say a single word as she got into her car and drove away from the boy that she thought was her forever. 

She didn’t want to see any of them ever again, she cried to her mother, and together they decided that she would go to London and start her law career there. Her mom would do anything to get her away from the boy she thought was a bad influence. 

That very next morning she was on a plane to London. He called and called and called. Until she changed her number. Her mom told her that he had tried to find out where she was and tried to find her. She had loyal friends back home, they proved that to her by never telling him where she had gone. 

And just like that she had disappeared for months on end. No trace of her. 

Until now. 

“You look beautiful.” His voice is something she wishes she could forget. She’s disappointed to know that she remembers it exactly.

“What are you doing here?” She stares at her hands, not sparing him a glance.

“It’s my sister's rehearsal dinner.” She rolls her eyes, glad that he can’t see the reaction. 

“I meant out here.” 

“I want to talk to you.” She should have known he would follow her outside. He was never one to give up easily. 

“There’s nothing to say.”

“I have things to say. You disappeared and never let me explain myself.” She looks up from her hands now, still not at him.

“That’s because I didn’t want to hear anything you had to say. I don’t care about anything you have to say.”

“I love you. I fucked up, I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I know that.”

She doesn’t face him, choosing to look at the scenery instead. The trees, the garden, if she looks far enough into the distance she sees the ocean.

“I was so angry with you and I wasn’t thinking. I will never do something like that again, I regretted it immediately.” He won’t ever get a chance to do that again, at least not with her.

“I don’t want to hear it. I didn’t then. And I don’t now.”

She hears him sniffle, he places his hand next to hers on the railing. She sees as his finger twitches, itching to touch her. 

“Please, tell me how to fix this.” She looks at him now, his eyes brimmed with unshed tears.

“There is nothing you could ever do to fix this.” He clenches his jaw and she notices how it flutters. 

“Please. Come back.” 

“I wish I could. Don’t you get it? I wish I could just forget everything you did. I wish I never found out because I love you, I still do. Even after everything.” His eyes fill with hope. 

“I love myself more.” He deflates, looking down at his hands in front of him. 

She feels a presence come up behind them and turns slightly. She sees who it is and knows it’s her time to go. 

She doesn’t spare her ex-best friend a glance as she walks past her into the building where the party is still in full swing. 

“Rafe.” She hears her say. She doesn’t turn around, not wanting to hurt more than she already is. 

“Stay away from me, Kiara.” He snaps. He leaves Kie standing on the balcony as he climbs down the steps two at a time and towards his car.

Just a few more days of pretending to be okay. In less than a week she would be back in London. And she would be able to breathe again. 

[auras-moonstone]

hii i love your work sm! do you think you do back to december by taylor swift ethan x reader?

back to december — ethan landry

word count: 1,876

pairing: ethan landry x fem!reader

summary: after insecurities got the best of her, y/n breaks up with ethan. a few months later, she goes to his dorm to say sorry for that night.

warnings: angst, mentions of toxic relationship, insecurities.

Y/N KNEW SHE HAD PROBABLY MADE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF HER LIFE BY BREAKING UP WITH ETHAN, but at the same time she knew it was probably the best thing for him. The ghost of her past relationship never quite stopped haunting her—do the wounds of a toxic relationship ever fully heal? Y/N was starting to believe they did, until she bumped into him, and the fears crept back into her mind after that.

Do you really think he loves you?

He only wants you for your looks, but he’ll eventually get tired of you, like I did, because you have nothing else to offer.

Smart boys like Ethan Landry end up with equally-smart girls, Y/N. You’re just a good fuck for him, a doll to have on his arm.

It’s not going to last, he’s going to break up with you. He’s too good for you, you know that, right?

Those were the words that he had said and Y/N couldn’t erase from her mind. Those were the words that led her to leave her only source of happiness, the only boy she had ever truly loved. Ethan was better off without her, he was too amazing and sweet to have to deal with her and her insecurities and demons.

But if it was for the best, why did it feel so wrong? She hadn’t been able to sleep ever since. She stayed up late and played the scene of her leaving the commodity of his arms.

The worst day after the break-up had been the one of his birthday. Many were the times she had opened his contact, her finger floating around the ‘call’ button, but she didn’t dare to do it. And then, she saw their friends’ Instagram stories and she broke down. They were throwing him a party, and Ethan looked so beautiful yet so sad, and she knew that was on her. It was wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming, but she wondered if one of the birthday wishes involved her.

She missed him so much, the pain wouldn’t leave her chest. She missed watching him laugh from the passenger side when they made their way to college, she missed his long fingers wrapped around hers, his big brown eyes that were like magnets, and she really missed those lips she used to call home.

It had been three months since she left him standing in his living room, with a crestfallen expression and without letting him fight for their relationship. Y/N knew that if she had let him talk, she wouldn’t have been able to walk away, so she ran before that could happen.

A few weeks after that, she got into therapy, thing she should’ve done since she stepped out of her toxic relationship, and was finally able to see she had messed up. She should’ve never walked away without telling him everything first, she forgot the most important thing in a relationship is communication. She had let herself get scared by the ghost of her past and hurt a person that had done nothing but give her roses, and in exchanged she had left them there to die.

Y/N had decided it was time to swallow her pride, take her feet towards Ethan’s dorm and say sorry for that awful night. Not only for him, because that’s what he deserved, but also for her. Because there hadn’t been a day in which she hadn’t gone back to December, wishing she could go back in time and change it. She couldn’t do that, but she could still make things right.

So building up courage, she knocked on his door. Heart beating faster as she listened the sound of footsteps getting closer to her.

Ethan cursed when he heard the knock. Dragging his feet across the living room, he scolded Chad on his mind. His roommate had the habit of forgetting his key and it really annoyed Ethan. Though when he swung the door open, he froze in his place as he came face to face with the girl who lived free-rent on his mind. Even if she had ran away after the three words left his mouth, he couldn’t help missing her.

That rainy december night, in that very same apartment, Ethan had told Y/N he loved her. It was something he had been dying to get off his chest. He hadn’t expect her to say it back—he would’ve understood if she wasn’t ready, but he definitely hadn’t expected her to walk out of that door without uttering a word. He had given her his heart and she had dropped it, breaking it into a million pieces like shattered glass.

“Hi.” she broke the heavy silence.

“What are you doing here?” he asked in a cold voice. Ethan stood firmly on the door, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I wanted to talk to you.” she said softly, and then, disguising the pain it caused her, though not doing a great job at it, she added, “I texted you, but you either changed your number or you blocked me.”

Guiltiness filled his chest, but then he shook it off—she left him, not the other way around. He shouldn’t feel guilty. Of course he blocked her, and then deleted her number to avoid giving into the need to call her and beg for an explanation. “Um, yeah. Look, if it’s about that night, it’s okay. I’m over it, we don’t need to talk about it. Let’s just move on, on our own way.”

I’m over it… those words were like a slap to her face. Did he really move on? Had the love he felt for her turn into ashes? Fighting the urge to cry, she pleaded, “I can’t move on if I don’t explain what happened. I understand if you don’t want to see me right now, I can wait. I just… I really need to tell you what was going on in my mind. I still live in the same apartment, so, if you decide you want to hear my version… you know where to find me. No pressure.” she gave him a tiny smile and turned around, ready to walk away.

Ethan heard the sound of his own voice say “Wait.”, making her turn around with hopeful eyes, and Ethan just gave in. Her eyes were still his greatest weakness, just as his eyes were hers. “Come in.”

The two ex-lovers sat awkwardly on the very same couch they had been laying on that night. "So, how's life? How's your family? Haven't seen them in a while." she said, meaning to clear the mood.

"Good, we are good. Busier than ever. Did you come from work?" his tone was a polite one, but it didn't hold the softness Y/N had been accustomed to. It was very clear that his guard was up, and Y/N knew exactly why—he hadn't moved on like he tried to make her believe a couple of minutes ago, he was still hurt and confused. The last time he saw her still burned in the back of his mind, and that's why she needed to explain everything.

"Yeah." she answered before sighing. "I know this is uncomfortable for you, so I should just get it off the desk. I'm sorry, Eth. I'm sorry for that night. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, I'm sorry I ever left."

The walls broke down after the situation was addressed, and Ethan finally showed how he really felt—his eyes got glossy and he looked her in the eyes, the desperation painted on his face. "Why did you do it? I told you I loved you for the first time, and you just left me. I don't understand. Did I scare you? Was it too soon for you? I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you, I just wished you would've talked to me instead of disappearing."

"God, no. Stop. Why would you apologize? You did nothing wrong." she assured him, resting her hand on top of his. "It wasn't too soon, and I didn't leave because I didn't love you. I did. I've known it since the fall."

"Fall? But we started dating during the fall." he said confused. Y/N blushed and shrugged—yes, she had fallen in love with him quickly and hard, but it was inevitable. Ethan was the most amazing guy she'd ever known. "If you'd known it since then, what happened? Why didn't you say it back?"

"That morning I bumped into my ex." Y/N confessed.

Ethan furrowed his eyes and his jaw clenched. Nothing good could've come out of that encounter. He remember the way she sobbed on his chest as he held her in his arms that September night; how, in between hiccups, she told him the manipulation and abuse her ex had put her through. And now, everything clicked: why Y/N had looked so shaken up when they met that day, why she looked so off. "What did that asshole say?"

Y/N repeated every exact word. Words that had worked as salt on a wound that had never quite closed. "I really thought I had moved on from all that hurt, but it took just a few words from him to tear all my confidence and progress down. After I broke up with you, my mom sent my this therapist's number... and now I’m finally okay."

Ethan was never a violent person, but now, he wanted nothing more than to find that piece of shit and cut his tongue so he can never speak like that to someone again, especially not to his girl. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I should've asked you what was wrong."

"You did, Eth. And I brushed you off." she smiled weakly. "I should have told you. I was just so scared, and I really believed he was right. I'm so sorry, Eth. I'm sorry for hurting you."

"It's okay. I understand now. You didn't deserve to go through the hell that asshole put you in. I'm glad you got help and moved on from that."

"Me too. I just... I just wish it hadn't been at the expense of your feelings." her voice got weak, and Ethan didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around her.

"I know, but you are okay now, and you came here to explain everything." he assured her, pressing her close to his chest. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, you have no idea. I have been replaying that moment since December, I wish I could change what happened."

"Stop punishing yourself, love. It's done, it's in the past. You are here now, we are here now. That is all that matters."

"I love you, Ethan. I loved you then, and I still love you now. And... I get if you aren't ready for this but I want to try again. I swear I'll love you right, just like you deserve."

"I've been dreaming of this moment for months, love." he said softly and sweetly, eyes shining like fireworks. "Yes, I want to try again. I love you."

"Really?"

"Yes, really" he said, leaning down to let their lips connect. And as always, they were like two pieces that belonged together, two pieces that should've never been apart. "I loved you then, and I still love you now."

[emmitaaa4]

Azriel, you beautiful, complex man.

Anyone else ever lay awake at night thinking that it’s not that Azriel wants a mate, any mate: it’s that he believes only a mate—only someone who was meant to love him—could love him ?

Do you ever think about the fact that Azriel’s visceral response to Elain looking up at him with trust & hope, was to believe that there was no possible way she could ever look at him that way if she knew the things he’d done and been forced to do? If she knew that his scarred hands mirrored his marred soul? Yet we know Elain has never balked from him and has only ever seen beauty in his scars; in who he is.

Do you ever think about the way Azriel feels this need to prove himself useful—which is why he so clings to his titles and his job—for if he is needed, he cannot be abandoned?

Do you ever want to shout from the rooftops that Azriel is so much more than this « darkness » he cloaks himself in, and that he doesnt need someone to heal him & « handle his darkness ». Healing, for Az, does not mean fighting & ‘killing’ his demons, it means being at peace with himself & learning to live with them without needing to mask who he is. He needs to begin to believe that there is darkness and light in him to love.

Does your heart ever squeeze when you understand that allowing yourself to be loved, first means bearing yourself to another & willingly risking being hurt ? It requires an unparalleled level of emotional vulnerability from him. You ever realize that Az uses his shadows as an emotional crutch, that he so carefully masks his expressions, yet it takes but a look for Elain to read him? He, who finds his strength & perseverance in hope, found his match in her gentle, hopeful heart—and he physically has to keep himself apart from her, only allowing himself to act upon his feelings when she made the first move. Entitlement where?

Truly, how has the fandom decided that Azriel, who follows the sound of Elain’s laugh, who listened to her when no one else would & didnt let her be misunderstood, who trusted her with TT so she could protect herself & those she loves, who stayed up past 3am as she spoke of her passions, who made everyone wait for her to eat, who chooses to sun his wings next to her in peaceful, quiet company… is an entitled, flaky male that sees her as nothing but a sexual distraction?

Do people really not realize what it means for him to question the Cauldron, question the very core of his beliefs?

1) It is not his feelings he questions:

His mind is tortured by thoughts of Elain, so much so he can’t sleep;

They do not need words to communicate, indicating familiarity & understanding;

He IS showing more than “just lust”, it’s clear from their interactions since the first trilogy. There was something there before Nessian happened.

2) Not only does he believe himself unworthy of her, but that sentiment is reinforced by the fact that the Cauldron “broke the pattern”. I do not see the entitled man the fandom speaks of. What he is is a deeply traumatized man, who was abused as a boy by the people who were meant to love him & protect him.

The popular thought that Az would fold for a mate, regardless of who she (or he) is, is truthfully not attractive, not to mention that it implies he’d only risk love for a “guaranteed” happy ending.

=> “Az wants a mate therefore give him a mate” is counterproductive to his growth (tho to clarify, i am not saying he should not have a mate, just that there is a way the story should be told.)

We have seen him plan for snowball fights & tactical missions, yet never for his future: not with Elain—again, he never even actually allowed himself to consider pursuing her—but not in any other sense either:

Children? he tells Cass he doesnt know if he wants any—has he ever let himself imagine having a child? A house ? he has no place to himself. Remember that even after 500 years of existence, Az says he still does not know where he belongs?

Could you not imagine two people who make themselves what others need them to be, being brave enough to bare those hidden, repressed parts of themselves to the other. Can you not see the growth it would require from both of them should they give themselves a chance? To, on one hand, choose the other despite what is expected & the problems it would cause, and on the other, be vulnerable enough to receive that love & believe yourself worthy of it.

Love doesnt care for convenience. It could all go to hell but at least they’d know they had tried, and i do not see how that could ever make for a boring, 2 dimensional story.

[rowretro]

𝐃𝐨𝐠 𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐃𝐨𝐠 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝

request by @nikipedia07 Jakie jakieeee

✧warnings: violent descriptions, yandere/toxic themes, mentions of blood, slut shaming, drugging

✧synopsis: Jake was your darling boyfriend, whom you loved. He seemed sweet, perfect, loving the problem was... he loved you too much. so you had to break it off with him, but you can't because you know he'll hurt you. However, he had no choice but to break up with you thanks to the police... but what would you do when he returns?

✧◇✧◇✧◇✧◇✧◇✧◇✧◇✧◇✧

It's been almost 3 months since the incident. Jake was filthy rich so it would be no surprise that he got out of jail early. You couldn't break up with him, you couldn't run nor hide. You always wondered how you fell for him in the first place. At one point you were crushing on Jay, giggling at his compliments, getting so obviously shy every time he was near. Everyone knew you liked him.

Yet, you ended up dating Jake. The male had stolen your heart when you were at your worst, crying over Jay. He made you believe Jay was dating Yena, who was literally Jay's cousin, but it's not like you knew. You didn't know until Jay found you bloodied and bruised, hiding by a tree. That's when you started falling out of love with Jake.

You cheated on him with Jay. How could you stay in a relationship and force yourself to love a man that manipulates you and beats the living hell out of you if you even breath the same air as another man, when the man whom you believed to be your soulmate held you in his arms whisperring sweet nothings?.

Three months. that's how long you and Jay were able to date peacefully. No Jake, no drama, no violence, no nothing. Even if Jake were to be released, he can't kill Jay, if he did, he knows he will be locked up for eternity. Oh but Jake had very different plans. Plans that came to light when he broke into your beautiful home with Jay. Fuck he was so fucking mad at you.

"You little mother fucking whore?!... you left me for this mother fucker?!!! why?! for his money? did he offer you money to suck his mother fucking dick?!!!" Jake yelled, yanking your hair painfully. Beside you, One of Jake's men held a knife to Jay's throat, the male's arms and legs held down. Jake was mad.

It hurt you so bad to hear him speak like that to slut shame you and say such vulgar things. You just wanted to love someone, to be known and loved, to be treated the way you deserve to be treated, to have someone to turn to without being scared. That's all you wanted. Jake gripped your jaw, forcing you to stare at him, all the while, His men injected Jay with a pretty special and extremely expensive drug.

"Fine... stay with him then baby..." he finally said, pushing you toward him as the men untied him. "Y/n? what are you doing here?... why is the house a mess did someone break in? should I call Jake?" Jay asked as you frowned "babe?... w-what do you mean call jake?" you asked as he frowned.

"babe?... gurl- if this is your way of cheating or some shit please stop. Jake's my mate and the last thing I need is for him to think his own gf is cheating with me," he explained as he got up, brushing himself off." You couldn't believe your ears "b-but babe? are you scared he'll hurt us? he just let us be Jay, I fucking love you!" You cried as the male pushed you away, glaring at you.

"Y/n I put this nicely. I don't love you. You're Jake's girlfriend and clearly he deserves better, so please just get out." He warned as he shoved her out of the house. The girl cried, walking through the streets, freezing cold, there she found herself at the last place she thought she'd end up. Jake's doorstep.

"Oh sweetheart... what's wrong? realized that no one can love you the way I do?!" Jake asked as she just rested her head against his chest "s-sorry..." she mumbled, sniffling against his chest, her heart ached from the way Jay acted as if he didn't love her, like those past 3 months were her delusions. She just wanted to disappear there and then.

Now she feels pathetic. She's back where she started in the arms of Sim Jake. "see baby you'll remember we're in a dog eat dog world, where everyone wants to take you from me, You belong with me Sim Y/n..." Jake said with a smirk as the girl grew drowsy.

[elsfleur]

⋆·˚ ༘ * COOL ABOUT IT - PART TWO

ellie williams x reader

summary: it was an odd thing to enjoy your work, but with a passion for music and a fling with your coworker the days at the record store seemed bright, until of course you meet her girlfriend.

content warning: i guess it’s angsty, very filthy smut with sub!ellie and dom!reader, mentions of cheating and bad self image, implies of degradation, mentions of masturbation

word count: 1,749 and previous part here

📼 ʾ ⠀

she would come to you in dreams, pale green eyes pointed at you like a weapon, body soft as a menace, reach out towards your face and in tenderness you’d surrender as though you never meant to have walked away in the first place. you’d wake up panting the nights you’d forgive her, you’d shower away the disgust the nights you thought to have felt her tongue– traitor was a dramatic word, but your heart claimed it as ellie’s synonym.

work had become insufferable but you grew into an astoundingly good employee, never at the break room as to not encourage ellie into a conversation, constantly roaming around and chatting up clients with entire discography conversations going as far as escorting them to their car in odd fashion, you appeared sparkling and every glance of your shine that reached ellie’s senses immediately sent her skin on fire. she had been miserable and lazy, escaping from her thoughts only through deafening music as to drown out the distance between you, you too a constant in her nightly affairs, forgiving, beautiful, near.

she melted into the couch imagining it your embrace, let the melody transport her into better times, hated herself for replacing her songs with your laugh as a favourite track, for indulging in temptation through entirely wrong means. she thought herself a symptom of disease, wreckening plague in the lives of those she cherished that once established could only widespread devastation. the idea that perhaps keeping you casual and secret would make it unknown to the universe and therefore not give it the power to ruin it was stupid, once she fully thought it out, but it had been comforting. allowing your affection to fill in the broken cracks of her being as though glueing them together was a sensation she knew selfishly not deserved but craved as a drug addict. you thought she called you her angel as a bit, but she felt it pulsing through her veins.

tears prickled her eyes for the eleventh time that shift, heavy metal not enough. turning the volume down her body rolled sideways and she begged it into slumber for moments of peace.

“wake the fuck up williams we’re mid shift” you cursed taking hold of her headphones and tossing them aside rather agressively, the girl immediately stood up overwhelmed, a scoff being her immediate response to your turned back heading out the room.

“what the fuck? you haven’t spoken to me for fucking weeks those are the first words you say to me since you left this place before i could even explain anything and you just go walking away again?”

“jesus christ, i’m sorry someone woke up cranky from their midday nap but what the fuck else do you even want me to say? oh right i’m sorry, how about how’s your girlfriend?”

“we broke up” ellie stated simply before interruption.

“great! and i suppose you want me to run into your arms straight into a sunset beach now while it rains unicorns and rainbows, isn’t that right?”

“oh my god you are the most insufferable human being i have ever met! i fucking hate you and i hate the way every time we walk to work together you have to stop and pick out a flower at every single bush we walk by and if i don’t put it behind my ear your feelings gets hurt and you have the goofiest smile making fun of me, and i hate the stupid witchy herbs you make me ruin my weed with that makes it taste so girly and like you and i hate the way my mouth memorized your fucking lipgloss to the point i can’t do anything without feeling you on my lips and it drives me fucking insane, i hate your frilly little love songs that only start sounding not so bad by the hundredth listen and i hate that i fucking know the lyrics to taylor swift now and you made me relate to them! i hate your smile and i hate that fruity perfume you wear that always gets stuck to my clothes and i hate the way you looked at me like i’m a good person to the point i almost believed you for a second and and i hate your lame ass sense of humour and how you’re the only one who laughs at my fucking jokes and god worst of all i hate the way i can’t even begin to hate you at all!”

you opened your mouth to reply though not quite sure what words would escape you, but she was quicker, pacing around and heightening her tone in complete desperation that cracked knuckles in soothing.

“no and you know what? yes i fucked up and i cheated on my three year relationship but we were fucking done! we have been done for years! and we haven’t been more done since the day i first laid eyes on you and thought this girl is going to fucking ruin my life! i am worse than a cheater, yes, i’m a coward! because guess what angel, it has always been you. god, it probably has been you since before i even knew you existed and you don’t understand how insane it is to say this because you’re the one who believes the whole soulmate bullshit! i’m a mess and i’m fucked up and i’m too much and still not enough and-“

“ellie” you called out, her eyes finally meeting your own as you felt immersed in the same light green dreams you have ferociously tried to escape from, the pink lips you knew so intimately quivering at your stare as though taunting you to kiss its fear away, you had heard enough for an answer “kneel.”

“what, do you want me to beg for your forgiveness now?” ellie asked ironic though her legs were compliant, lowering themselves till she fell on her knees, running a hand through her messy hair to keep it from falling on her face staring up at you in clear shot.

“take off your shirt” you demanded, watching intently as she lifted up her arms to remove the fabric obeying though deeply confused, her cheeks flushing red with the attention, eyes drifting everywhere except for your face until your hand found the edge of her chin and forced it up to meet your eye “you’ve done enough talking”

“i fucking hate that you lied to me” you started impossibly close to her face “i hate the way you ruined this job for me, i hate that i can’t look at you without feeling sick with desire like a desperate whore pulsating at flashes of skin, i hate that i’m so used to moaning your name that you may aswell have ruined sex for me aswell, and i fucking hate how your little girlfriend kissed you infront of me and doesn’t even know your mouth was sucking on me minutes earlier, take off your pants”

she slowly rose up to detach herself from the jeans squeezing her figure, only to be pushed back down once fully rid of them back onto the ground, you weren’t finished.

“i hate that i can see how wet you are right now, i hate that you have made it so i feel disgusted to touch you, i hate that i still want to do it so fucking bad as if your moans in my ear would erase your dumb mistakes from my memory. just a question, were you fucking her when you were with me too? nevermind that’s silly, of course you were, unless you spent six months making her believe you have gone celibate-“

ellie shook her head hard, gulping down “n-no i didn’t, i told you angel it was a façade relationship all i wanted-“

“shut up. touch yourself” you ordered as she slid a hand under her underwear, lightly rubbing on her clit and silencing own whimpers through biting down her lip “i hate that i have to ask myself if she made you feel good like i did, if she knows your whole dominant archetype is actually just hiding a brat who wanted to be ordered around and fucked so bad, right els? did she get you on her knees for her too, touching yourself to the thought of her before she even took off her clothes? or am i just special?”

“angel” ellie moaned out, inserting a finger into herself.

“does she know about the freckles on your hipbone that look like the gemini constellation? did she see the bite mark i left there last time we fucked? does she know you like it when i spell my name on your pussy with my tongue, has she tried it? do you remember what it feels like to be inside me as opposed to her, remember begging to add more fingers so you could feel my walls closing in on you, remember staying inside even after i came because you wanted to feel the warmth around you, was she warm for you, ellie?” you asked, warm breath hitting her face like a makeout.

“angel, please” she begged embarrassingly.

“please what? use your fucking words since you wanted to have the last one so fucking bad”

“please fuck me” ellie moaned out arching her back with a gasp as you easily slid one of your own fingers inside her alongside hers, the sounds of wetness with your every thrust bordering filthy.

“i hate that i can’t fucking stop dreaming about you, that you’re so fucking wet for me you’re drenched, that i’m thinking after all this making me an idiot i shouldn’t let you cum, how’s that?” you asked curling your fingers inside her which lead to a near pornographic moan escaping past her lips and an aggressive head shook to your words “i hate your stupid lake eyes and how they shine like galaxies, i hate the way you hold my hand to cross the street because you know i get distracted, i hate the way you effortlessly played my favourite song on the guitar although you claimed before to not like it, i hate how badly i want to fuck the attitude out of you until my heart stops hurting about this”

“i’m sorry, my angel, i’m so sorry” she croaked out whimpering, swaying her hips for friction with your fingers every movement making it harder to keep a cleared mind, dizzy in desire “fuck, i’m here now please please let me show you i can be good i want to be yours”

“want?” you chuckled removing your fingers and shoving them by her mouth so she’d taste herself on them, sucking slowly “you are mine, ellie. i just haven’t decided if i’m yours”

[thatonebrazilian]

Tolerate it

Summary: Everyone assumed you were fine, but what would they do if you just... broke free?

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Reader; undertones of Carol Danvers x Reader; Platonic Clint Barton x Reader; mentions of platonic Wanda Maximoff x Reader.

Word count: Around 6K

TW: Deep angst, assassination attempt, betrayal of trust, suicidal thoughts, dealing with grief, self sacrifices.

A/N: I've been in the mood for angst, apparently. And I actually wasn't planning on writing anything (I shouldn't have, I was short for time as it was), but I was listening to Taytay and the fic just came to me. This will probably hurt a lot. Just hurt, not much comfort. Let there be pain.

You didn't know what you did wrong. You didn't know how you could fix this. You didn't know if it even could be fixed.

All you did, all you could do, was just sit there and watch her. She was reading, her head low, almost as if she was trying to keep a barrier between you two.

You sat in the corner of the room, watching her as she immersed herself in reports. The soft glow of the lamp cast a delicate halo around her, illuminating her beautiful, beautiful features. And yet, on that night, as on many before, the light seemed unable to reach her eyes. 

You knew she was struggling, you were too. Everyone was. The Blip had taken many from their families, and the toll it took on those who stayed made many more lose their loved ones. The remaining Avengers lost Clint to his own darkness, and you lost the love of your life to what you could only describe as self-isolation.

Natasha had always had an unhealthy work-life balance, yet you always managed to counter that… But not anymore.

You had been together for what felt like an eternity, intertwined in a love that once knew no bounds. Now, though, there was a growing chasm separating the two of you. Natasha would only engage in conversations that revolved around missions and saving the world, and none of those came from you.

You used to be an Avenger too, with powers so astronomical that you never learned to control them. Bruce and Tony had to create some sort of inhibitor for you, lest you destroy the world by mistake.

You were probably one of the most powerful beings out there, but having no control whatsoever of your powers would only bring destruction, so you learned to live without them, the bracelet Tony made never leaving your wrist.

Being a somewhat powerless avenger was hard, but it was worth it. You saved people, you helped your friends.

But since the Blip things have changed. 

After watching Wanda, one of your best friends, disappear right in front of your eyes; after seeing Clint's descent into darkness, you didn't feel like fighting anymore. So you decided to stop, you stopped so you could take care of yourself, take care of Natasha.

They were small, the things you did for her, but meaningful nonetheless. You'd wait by the door every day to greet her like a god-damned war hero, to show her some love and comfort after a hard day at work; you'd make her favorite dishes, lay the table with your best cutlery; you even took upon painting as it seemed to ease your mind, and you'd use your best colors for her portraits (and there were many)... And yet, all Natasha gave back were lukewarm smiles; hums, and nods in acknowledgment of your attempts at conversation, and a lackluster "thanks". 

She seemed to simply… Tolerate it.

~

You woke up in the wee hours of the morning, the sun hadn't risen yet, and the moonlight shone through the curtains, casting a soft glow across the room. Your gaze fell upon Natasha, who lay beside you sleeping lightly. The rise and fall of her chest matched the rhythm of her breathing, a calming sight that used to bring you comfort.

But then, as you watched her, you noticed a subtle alteration in her breathing patterns, something that would go unnoticed by anyone else. The steady rhythm became irregular, interrupted by moments of slightly shallower breaths and the briefest of pauses. There was a tension in her muscles that hadn't been there a second ago, almost as if a silent battle was being waged beneath her immaculate skin.

Natasha's eyes remained closed, her face serene as if she was lost in the most peaceful of dreams. But you knew the truth. She was pretending to be asleep. It felt like she didn't want to wake up beside you, like she simply tolerated your presence, but now even that tolerance seemed to be waning.

You wanted to reach out, to offer her solace, to take all the pain away, but the invisible barrier between you seemed impossible to break through. The distance that had grown between you now felt like a vast expanse, impossible to bridge. Her closed eyes spoke volumes, a silent plea for space, for time, for avoidance.

Your heart ached with the weight of unspoken words, your eyes burned with the sting of unshed tears. You missed Clint, he'd know how to deal with this, he'd help her, but he'd help you, too. He'd hug you and tell you that everything was gonna be ok, he'd make sure it'd turn out that way. You missed Wanda, she'd take you out to eat ice cream, watch silly sitcoms with you, tell you the stupidest jokes just to see you crack a smile, she'd even threaten Natasha if she imagined the other redhead was hurting you in any way, shape or form.

You missed your life, your old life, before the Blip.

You turned away from her, not wanting her to see the tears in your eyes in case she opened hers.

~

As it turns out, the first time Natasha had a semblance of a real conversation with you in… You don't even know how many weeks… Was to ask you to join a team to take down whatever new evil had shown up.

You didn't even think twice about it, you took the job, you'd do anything to get closer to her again.

The team consisted of you, Steve, and Carol, who was visiting Earth. You didn't even know where you were headed or who you were facing, you just wanted to come back with an excuse to actually talk to your fianceé. 

As you prepared to get into the jet, you saw her there, giving off directions before everyone boarded. You wrestled with conflicting emotions, torn between respecting Natasha's need for distance and the overwhelming desire to break through the walls she had erected. 

You felt a hand on your shoulder then, too warm to be Nat's, and you immediately felt the comfort she radiated.

Carol wasn't the most sentimental person, she wouldn't tell you that everything would be fine, she wouldn't offer comforting words, but she'd be there, a warm unwavering presence amidst the chaos (even if you rarely saw each other in person). She was the one good thing that the Blip brought you.

"Don't think too much about it," the blonde said, already knowing what was on your mind. "Keep your head in the game, I don't want you getting hurt out there, ok?"

You nodded while managing to keep to yourself the strong urge to hug her, to seek comfort in that friendly and familiar warmth of hers.

She nodded back, turned and boarded the jet, having already reviewed with Natasha her role in the mission.

You looked at your fianceé only to find her eyes already on you. You didn't think too much into it, though, she was probably just reviewing in her head the role you'd have for this mission.

Once again you found yourself wanting to go to her, but the fear of rejection loomed over you, a haunting presence that whispered of the potential pain that awaited if you ventured too close.

You turned away and stepped in the jet.

~

You stumbled into the Avengers' compound, a dull ache radiating from your wounded shoulder, the bloodstained clothes doing nothing to give you comfort.

The mission had taken an unexpected turn, and both you and Steve got shot. Multiple times.

As soon as you stepped through the quinjet's door Natasha was there, the worry in her eyes making you question if you were hallucinating. She walked to you, her eyes never leaving yours, it was almost as if you could feel her again, the old Natasha, your Natasha.

"What the fuck happened? You weren't supposed to get hurt!" she exclaimed in a mix of anger, desperation and concern. She ran her hands through her unkempt hair. It was an uncommon sight, indeed, to see her so disheveled.

You knew she had been worried, the moment Steve reported back you could hear her pacing back and forth through the comms, you just didn't know it would affect her this much. You didn't think she cared anymore.

Almost as if sensing your thoughts, Natasha took a hesitant step closer and reached for your hands. "You got me really worried." She said, her eyes looking deep into yours, her hands soothingly cold to the touch. 

You could see she wanted to say something else, but almost as if she was waging a silent war against herself, she shook her head, released your hands and sighed. "Go to the med bay. I'll meet you there."

You nodded weakly, too tired from blood loss to argue. Too tired in general.

As you made your way to the medical facilities, the pain in your shoulder intensifying with each step, you couldn't help but think of all the times Clint saved your ass from stupid bullet wounds like these, or how Wanda would literally create a shield around you whenever you faced danger.

You missed them, you missed Wanda so much, and you couldn't help but wish it was you and not her. And Clint, god, you hated what he became, you hated the Ronin, you hated that he wasn't there to heal by your side, to heal with Natasha, but you still missed him so much.

As you entered the med bay, you were greeted by a warmth that made you question how she could have gotten there first.

"Bold move, jumping in front of a sea of bullets like that" Carol said, there was no warmth in her voice though. You closed your eyes.

"I couldn't let them shoot that child," you said, sitting on a cot and looking apologetically at her.

Carol gritted her teeth, her eyes scanning your wounded shoulder, the part of you that got the most hits, with a mix of worry and anger written across her face.

"So you just deemed your life less valuable than hers and decided to throw it away?" She clenched her fists.

"That's not it and you know it," you said in a small voice. It was worse, but no, she didn't know it. She didn't need to. You didn't want to burden her too.

Carol's eyes softened, she took a couple steps towards you and touched your uninjured shoulder. "I just worry about you, sweet girl." She said and sighed, "Look, I know you don't have much to live for right now, but you're one of my best friends, I wouldn't be able to deal with it if something ever happened to you. And by the looks of it neither would Natasha, despite all the shit she's been pulling."

It was amazing how Carol, just like Wanda before her, was able to fill you with lightness. With them, as well as with Clint, you felt cherished, cared for. You could never be more thankful for the blonde in front of you. Without Clint and Wanda here to support your near Natasha-less life, Carol was the one thing keeping you sane.

You just wished being sane was enough.

You managed a weak smile, though, and even if felt forced, it still seemed to have convinced Carol that you were ok. "I'll be fine, Carebear. Just a flesh wound. I know I haven't been in the field for a while, but it's nothing I can't handle."

Carol fought off a smirk. "Promise me you won't pull shit like that again, at least".

You saluted her, a mocking smile on your face, despite the ache you felt inside. "Aye, aye, Captain!"

She chuckled and shook her head, "You're the worst".

"But you love it!" Your answering smile was more genuine this time.

Her smile grew bigger, and you wished you could see it in person more often.

"I actually do." She said, shaking her head once more and turning away to leave the med bay.

It didn't take long for a nurse to come to tend to you. There were many bullet wounds around your body, although most were superficial. The worst was indeed your shoulder, having been hit four times.

You bitterly wondered how you could still be alive with all of these bullet holes around your body.

The minutes passed by, and yet there was no sign of Natasha, so after all your wounds have been treated and dressed you decided to go look for the redhead.

It was a bad idea. As you located her, your heart sank. There she was, tending to Steve's wounds, her focus solely on him. Even though there was nothing romantic about the situation, the sight of them together stirred a mix of emotions within you. Jealousy, longing, confusion. Betrayal. You wondered if there was something more between Natasha and Steve, a connection that surpassed friendship. You wondered why she would deem him deserving of having his wounds treated personally by her while you were sent to a nameless nurse.

Your mind raced, struggling with the whirlwind of emotions that engulfed you. Doubts crept in, and you questioned the very nature of your relationship with Natasha. Did she even love you still? Has she ever? Where was that woman who threw blankets over your barbed wire, leaving you just soft enough for all your other friends to approach? Why has she left you behind in her pursuit to build this new world instead of taking you along with her? The uncertainty gnawed at you, intensifying the ache in your shoulder. You made her your temple, your mural, your sky, but now you were left begging for footnotes in the story of her life.

As you stood there, watching her tend to his injuries, a deep sense of loneliness washed over you. The weight of the lack of acknowledgment you've been getting from her grew heavier, casting a shadow over the bond you once shared. The pain in your shoulder felt insignificant compared to the ache in your soul.

At that moment, you realized you couldn't take it anymore. You loved Natasha, you would probably love her till the end of your days, but you knew your love should be celebrated, and yet all she did was tolerate it.

~

You never thought about what she would do if you broke free, leaving the two of you in ruins. But that's what you did, you took the chains that bound you to Natasha and broke them.

You still longed for her, though, the neverending love you held for the woman felt like a dagger piercing your heart, a constant reminder of what you craved for, of what you once had. You wanted to remove it, to see it clatter to the ground as you bled out.

It was weird to gain the weight of her then lose it, but you needed to do it, you had to.

You were doing it for her as much as for yourself. Natasha had lost so, so much, but there was one person who could still come back, so you went to look for him, more in hopes of helping her than fulfilling your own desire of seeing him again.

Even if she didn't love you (which was the impression you got when you told her you'd be gone, looking for Clint, only to get a blank stare in response), you still loved her, you still wanted her to be as happy as she could, and you knew Clint was the person to make that happen, he was her best friend as much as he was yours.

You needed to help her heal somehow.

"She's been a mess since you left," Carol had said once during a video call, the vast expansion of the universe now looming right behind her, "don't ever tell her I said that, though." The grimace on her face told you she wasn't kidding.

"Steve's been trying to help more, even I am; I've been to earth since you left more times than I've been throughout my whole life. I'm afraid that if I stay gone too long, she won't be there when I come back… Since you left she barely takes care of herself. The place's a mess, she hasn't been eating much, and, again, don't ever tell her I said this, but I thought I'd never see her cry, and yet…"

You wondered if it had been all in your head, the way she seemed to avoid you, the way she seemed to take you for granted, the way she seemed to merely tolerate you.

In the midst of a turbulent storm of emotions, a newfound sense of urgency propelled your every step. You needed to find Clint, you needed to find him so you could go back to her, to see if she was really deteriorating that much, to ask her if it was all in your head, if you got it wrong somehow, if she actually loved you.

Time seemed to both crawl and fly, leaving you with moments of self-reflection in the solitude of your journey. Doubts and insecurities waged war within you, tearing at the fabric of your clarity. What if you discovered that Natasha's love had been genuine, but she had struggled to express it? What if she was simply too freshly traumatized to express it, and you had abandoned her at her worst moment?

You needed to go back to her, even if it was just to figure it out. But you wouldn't go back without Clint, you couldn't.

So you searched, and searched, and searched. And as you finally stood before Clint, his weathered face bearing the marks of his own battles, you found yourself engulfed in a deep ache. Two of the people you loved the most were immersed in pain, and you could do nothing to help.

"I can't believe you traveled so far, came all the way here for this," Clint spat, his voice filled with anger, his eyes filled with tears. "To ask me to come back so I can help her. Do you even worry about me? Did you ever stop to think that I lost my family? My wife's gone, Y/N! I lost my kids! Do you really think that I'm not dealing with my own shit right now?"

You shook your head, tears welled up in your eyes too, matching the anguish in your voice. "Fuck you, Clint! I'm not here just for her and you know that! You're my best friend, goddamnit, and you've been gone for years! I know you're hurting, but you gotta know that what you're doing is wrong, and it's not gonna bring Laura and the kids back." You shook your head, remembering the way the kids would all call you auntie Y/N/N. You sighed and shook your head in disappointment. "They would actually be ashamed of what you became."

You knew it was a low blow, but it was the truth, and he needed to hear it 

The moment he seemed to register those words, Clint's eyes became full of this sort of anger that you've never seen your friend display. But again, this wasn't Hawkeye, this was Ronin. 

Clint advanced upon you with rage in his eyes, his hand went to your throat, a dagger suddenly pressing against your ribs.

"Take that back." He said through gritted teeth, and you felt your eyes filling with tears once again.

Of course he wasn't above hurting you like this. He, too, didn't care about your own pain. 

You were tired, you were so fucking tired.

"Do it." You said, your voice devoid of emotions, the hollowness you now felt was all it conveyed. "It's not gonna make any difference if I'm gone, anyway."

You'd be just another death on his account, just a wisp of a memory in Natasha's mind.

Clint's brows furrowed, but his grip was unrelenting. You took your hands to his, the one holding the dagger, and pulled it up, so it wasn't resting above your ribs anymore, but right at your heart.

"Please," you said with a wavering voice, looking him deep in the eyes, trying to appeal no more to your friend, but to Ronin, "do it. Please."

The dagger clattered to the ground, Clint took a step away, looking at his hand as if it had personally offended him. He then looked at you, but you didn't meet his eyes, you were too absorbed looking at the dagger on the ground, feeling the brisk sense of freedom evading you as it finally stopped moving.

You then felt his arms around you, your head suddenly tucked into his neck.

"I'm so sorry," he said, his voice sounding desperate "I'm so sorry, Y/N, I'm so sorry," he kept repeating, and repeating, and repeating. 

You shook your head, your own desperation making you cling to him "Why didn't you do it? Why couldn't you just kill me?!"

His arms tightened around you as you both fell to your knees.

"I'm sorry," he just repeated, "I'm sorry I took this path, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I wasn't a good friend."

You wished that he being sorry was enough.

~

When you came back, there was a talk about fucking time travel. The Ant-guy was back, and so was Tony, Thor, and even Bruce. Everything seemed to be falling into place, so why did you still feel so…. broken?

But, somehow, as you and Clint stepped foot inside the Avengers compound, the familiar surroundings embraced you like a long-lost home. The tension that has seemed to permeate your very bones during the journey began to ease, replaced by a cautious hope for what awaited you.

You knew things wouldn’t instantly fix themselves up; Natasha wouldn’t just come to you and apologize for all she’s done (no, that wasn’t like her at all); your heart wouldn’t suddenly be mended, even if she did; your mind wouldn't let you forget the pain, the deep ache the past five years inflicted upon you.

And yet, there was hope.

There was the possibility of bringing Wanda back, of having Carol around more often, of doing something good for humanity. Of making Natasha happy again.

The moment the doors opened you saw her. She was talking to the Ant-guy and to Bruce, her brows furrowed as she nodded along.

And then she turned her head and caught sight of you, and of who was by your side. Her eyes widened in disbelief when she saw Clint standing there, and a glimmer of something flickered within them, something akin to hope, but also akin to sorrow. Without a second thought, she started walking in your direction, coming faster and faster until she was running. 

When Natasha reached Clint, she threw her arms around him, pulling him into a long-awaited embrace. Tears pooled in her eyes, slowly streaming down her cheeks as she closed them. 

There was a little lightness in your heart as you saw them hug, some sort of knowing that she'd be ok even if you weren't around anymore. She wouldn't starve herself, she wouldn't push everyone away, she wouldn't shut down. She'd survive, and then she'd move on.

In that moment, as Natasha clung to Clint, her teary eyes slowly opened. There, through the blur of her emotions, she looked right at you. And the gratitude that radiated from her gaze was palpable, as if a thousand unspoken words were contained within that single look. 

Her hold on Clint loosened slightly as her eyes locked onto yours, lingering for a brief, intense moment. The world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you suspended in time as the weight of her gaze met yours.  It felt as if the universe held its very breath, waiting for the next chapter to unfold. 

You wished you could say you could feel her love through that gaze, but you didn't know if you could use that word to describe what Natasha felt for you. Maybe she regretted what she did; maybe you became her anchor, even if unbeknownst to you, and she felt like she needed you to function; maybe she felt like she owed you something for bringing Clint back. You didn't know what it was, but you couldn't shake the feeling that the word love would be the wrong one to describe her feelings for you. Gratitude, thankfulness, maybe, but not love.

You smiled a sad smile, and nodded your head in acknowledgment to the gratitude in her eyes. 

Natasha furrowed her brows and pulled away from Clint as she saw you walking away from her, but before she could come after you, Clint caught her hand and walked towards the opposite direction. He wanted a conversation in private.

You just knew he was going to tear her a new one for what she did to you. During your journey back he had apologized more times than you could count, his words still engraved in your mind.

"I'll do whatever it takes to earn back your trust," he had vowed, his voice filled with determination. "I'll prove to you day after day that I care, that I value our friendship above all else. What happened the other day… it'll never happen again, I promise you that. I was too absorbed in my own pain, so much so that I hurt you, but I would never do that intentionally, Y/N. You're like a sister to me, I'd never willingly hurt you. I love you too much for that."

Maybe his love was real, but you didn't have it in yourself to just forgive and forget.

Maybe one day the gods would deem you worthy of love. True love, not the kind that hurts you.

~

"A soul for a soul" the Redskull said, turning the vast expense of cosmic beauty before you into something bleak, final. "You must sacrifice that which you love."

Your eyes wandered, drinking in the breathtaking scenery, the towering cliffs and cascading waterfalls; it seemed like a paradise carved from dreams. 

But the words hanging in the air casted a somber shadow over the planet's beauty, and as you stood near its vibrant precipice, the weight of what had to be done pressed upon the three of you. 

Destiny had brought you here, demanding a sacrifice.

It was a curse and a blessing all at once.

"If we don't get that stone, billions of people stay dead," Natasha stated, her voice tinged with determination, almost as if she was trying to keep herself strong.

Of course she'd want to be sacrificed, the selfless fool that she was.

Clint's gaze met hers, his eyes filled with a mixture of conflict and resignation. "Then I guess we both know who it's got to be," he replied, the weight of his words hanging heavily in the air. They didn't spare a single glance your way, it was almost as if they had mutually decided that you were to live.

A subtle sadness washed over Natasha's features as she nodded in agreement. "I guess we do."

You closed your eyes. You had been wanting this for so long, you had craved the peace I'd bring, you had fantasized about it, about closing your eyes and never opening them again.

And yet… you found yourself wanting to cling to life with an unwavering grip.

As Clint and Natasha looked at each other, you found yourself wanting to greet Laura, Lila, Coop and Nate when they came back, you found yourself wanting to have a nice day out with Yelena. You found yourself wanting to embrace Wanda and never let her go.

It hurt to know you wouldn't be able to do any of that.

"I'm starting to think we mean different people here, Natasha." Clint said then, his voice wavering slightly.

For a moment, Natasha's gaze lingered on Clint, her eyes reflecting the depth of her conviction. "For the last five years, I've been trying to do one thing: get to right here," she confessed. "That's all it's been about. Bringing everybody back."

She looked at you then, her eyes brimming with tears "I was so focused on it that I drove away the one person I had promised myself never to hurt.",

You couldn't look her in the eye, you couldn't let her see your decision through your gaze.

Clint's shoulders seemed to sag, you could see the self-blame he felt right through his eyes, even if they were focused on Nat. "And that's why it gotta be me. You spent all this time trying to help what was left of the world. Me… you know what I've done. You know what I've become." He shook his head, his eyes turning to you as well "If you haven't gotten to me, I'd still be killing an untold number of people without a care for who it'd hurt."

"Well," you said, shrugging, trying to lighten the mood a little "I don't judge people on their worst mistakes." There was no point in holding grudges anymore.

"Neither do I." Natasha said, looking at him. Her eyes turned to you then, full of sadness, longing , and regret. "I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

You walked towards her and pulled her in by the hand, your forehead resting against hers.

"I love you, Nat. You've been forgiven since day one." You said.

Natasha's tears streamed down her cheeks as she buried her face in the crook of your neck.

You saw from the corner of your eye Clint taking a step back, as if to go to the cliff. You extended your hand to him as well. He stopped in his tracks and took a couple steps in your direction, taking your hand in his.

He smiled a sad smile, his eyes red. "Tell my family I love them" he said, and tried to pull his hand away, but you gripped it with all the strength you had.

"Tell them yourself," Natasha said, pulling away from you as well.

You sighed, your eyes burning with unshed tears. You didn't want to die anymore. You wanted to live.

But you couldn't let them sacrifice themselves.

You ripped the bracelet Tony made from your wrist. It clattered on the ground. Natasha and Clint's eyes widened, almost as if they hadn't even thought of the possibility of you being the one to jump.

You felt an unbearable heat rising up from inside out, your lungs burned, your chest, your torso, your whole body. 

"Y/N what the hell are you doing?!?" Natasha yelled out, trying to get to the bracelet on the floor, but the burning winds that seemed to suddenly emanate from you wouldn't let her get closer.

"Take care of each other. And of Wanda and Carol. That 's all I ask." You said, your voice no longer solely yours.

You saw a rising shadow on the ground, signaling the presence of wings on your back. Blood red wings engulfed in flames. The Phoenix's wings.

Clint was rooted to the ground, your power vicious enough to paralyze those of weaker minds.

Natasha, though? She was fighting to get to you, the winds clearly burning her skin, yet she didn't give up. You turned away from her, not wanting to see her struggle.

It was a short walk to the edge of the cliff, you didn't want to look back. If you said goodbye it'd make it feel more real. So you just jumped.

And then you felt her hand on your wrist, the searing heat making her skin burn, and yet, she didn't let go.

"No, please. Not you." She cried, and even with tear stained cheeks she was the most beautiful woman you've ever seen "I can't lose you like this. The world can't lose you. You're the only one of us that really deserves to live life to its full potential."

And then, as if her touch made your power purr in her presence, Clint broke free, running to where you were dangling and taking your other wrist in his hands.

This was hurting them, both physically and mentally, you saw the skin on their hands blistering, you saw the redness in their arms, the tears in their eyes not just from the pain.

"Let me go," you said with a sad smile. They had their families, they had their jobs, their missions; their homes. 

You had nothing, all you did was take up too much space or time. They deserved to live, even if you left them in ruins.

"It's not gonna work!" Natasha shouted in desperation, her expression one of pure anguish "I don't love you! It's not gonna work!"

You smiled sadly at her. She really didn't love you, did she? She just tolerated you.

"It 's ok, Natty. It'll work. You may not love me, but Clint does " you said, smiling at her through your own tears. 

"Y/N, please, don't do this," Clint begged too, sobbing as he held onto you with all his strength.

"It's ok," you repeated, and if it was to calm them or yourself , you didn't know, "it's gonna be ok".

You used whatever little control you had over your powers to push them away. As your body tumbled to the ground the last thing you remembered was the way Natasha used to laugh at your jokes, enjoy your food, take you out on dates. The last thing you remembered was how she used to love your presence, and not just tolerate it.

Maybe one day someone would be enough to have their love celebrated by her.

~

When Natasha and Clint woke up not much later in a galaxy colored lake, she clutched the stone that had appeared in her hands, wishing with all her might that it turned out different, that the last words she said to you weren't "I don't love you."

She loved you. Always did. Always would.

~

Wanda sat in front of your gravestone, her hair disheveled, her eyes red shot, her cheeks tear stained. She hugged her knees as she sobbed, longing for the presence of who could no longer be by her side. She had lost her parents, then Pietro, Vision, and now you.

She sobbed more and more, the pitiful sound getting louder.

She felt a hand on her shoulder then, and she looked up to see red shot brown eyes.

Carol sat beside her, taking her hand and squeezing it a little. 

She understood what Wanda was going through, she was grieving you as well, and even though Wanda and Vision were planning on starting a life together, the witch suspected the Captain wouldn't have said no if you'd asked the same thing from her. So she, too, lost her love, even if she never got the courage to confess it.

It was a hot day, the sunlight shone perpendicular through the clearing where your grave has been put, creating a magical scenery all around the place.

And yes, the day was hot, but was it supposed to be this hot? 

Wanda shook her head, her brows starting to sweat.

And then the sunlight vanished, as if something gigantic was blocking its path. She and Carol looked up, but all they could see were the trees blocking the sky from view.

The animalistic cry they heard didn't come from the trees, though.

Neither did the blood red feather falling through the leaves, its tip engulfed in fire.

Wanda and Carol looked at each other, and for the first time in weeks, they smiled.

Natasha Romanoff Taglist: @strangegardentaco, @madamevirgo, @Lovelyy-moonlight, @agent99galanzo, @red1culous

[thefallennightmare]

Miracle-fifteen

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x Reader

Warnings/Tropes: forced proximity, slight enemies to lovers, slow burn, smut, angst, fluff, mentions of death, and swearing.

Summary: Reader is the merch girl for Bad Omens. It wasn't what she wanted to do with her life but when her mother got sick with Alzheimer's, reader took a job where she could to help with the costs. She thought it would be a one-time gig but the longer she was on the road with them, the harder she fell for Noah Sebastian; even if he wanted nothing to do with her. She needed a miracle to save her mom and her future.

Author Note: Since this one is in Noah's POV, it's kind of short because I didn't want to give too much away for what's going to happen next in the Readers POV. With it being so short, I'll make it up to you guys with an extra long one for chapter sixteen!

Tags: @ada-clarence @nonamessblog @thescarlettvvitch @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @theoneandonlykymberlee @yumikitten @blackveilomens @cherrymedicine13 @thebadchic @notmaddihealy @jay02bo @beaker1636 @jakekiszkasguitarpick @punk-pr1ncessxoxo @er3nslovergirl @iamdesolate @lma1986 @jessitpwk @themodern-daywednesday @writethrough @bngurngheart @dreams-that-are-anwsered @loeytuan98 @omens-in-reverse @loverofagoodbeard @jay02bo @niicoleleigh

NOAH

"You're a fucking idiot," Folio seethed, eyes slicing me in half.

My gaze was glued to the door, not wavering even with the various sets of eyes burning into me. None of them mattered. The only one that did slapped me in the face and walked through the door moments ago. I said some nasty, hurtful, things to Y/N, but the words slipped out of my mouth before I even thought of the repercussions. I was so hurt with how she'd been avoiding me the last few days and when she was around me, all I could think about was how she broke up with me because she'd rather deal with things alone. I wanted to be with her to help her with her mom but she continued to push me away before falling into Folio's arms.

I knew there was nothing to be jealous or upset over with their friendship but the part of me that couldn't get over parts of my past kept screaming at me they were hooking up. Then when I saw her post more pictures on her Only Fans page earlier, all I saw was red. When we were together, she never posted, so I'd assume she was doing it out of respect for us, which I never would have told her too since it would be her choice. But only a few days of being single, she was back to post pictures of herself; not the typical half covered.

My angel was naked in all of her gorgeous glory for everyone on that fucking website to see and do gods know what else.

Like you're one to judge. Remember that time in the small tour bus bathroom? She was on the other side of the door in her bunk while you came all over your hand.

Shaking the thoughts from my mind with a scowl, I turned to look at Folio.

"Screw you," I gritted out. "I don't need a lecture from you."

Folio stared at me with wide eyes before scoffing. "I'm not trying to start shit with you, Noah."

Bryan and Nick muttered something to Davis and Matt then soon, the four of them left to most likely find where Y/N went. They left me alone with Folio and Jolly, who stayed as a buffer in case things got heated.

"What the hell is the matter with you?!" Folio demanded.

Throwing off my jacket, I ran a hand through my hair. "It's none of your business."

"Bullshit," Folio spat. "It's everyone's business because you brought us into it. You didn't have to bring up those things, but you did because you felt upset about something so small as a friendship. Maybe if you weren't such an asshole to her, maybe she would have came to you with these things about her mom."

"She's dealing with that on top of finding out that her whole life is basically a lie," he continued.

"She pushed me away," I reminded Folio.

Who in turned rolled his eyes. "That didn't mean you had to walk away. She needs you, Noah. For once in your life, stick to something good. That's what she is for you; good. Stop letting your past dictate your future with her because you're afraid."

With one final look, Folio slipped past the door, leaving me alone with Jolly.

He gave me a stern gaze. "You crossed a line, Noah. I know it bothers you that Y/N went to Folio with these things about her past and her mom but that doesn't make it right. Just because you're dealing with shit from Rachel-."

"Don't say her fucking name," I gritted out through clenched teeth.

Jolly hesitated for a moment. "She fucked you up, we all know that. But pretending that you're not still dealing with it is bullshit."

"I'm not," I defended. "It happened years ago and I haven't thought of her since the night I left."

"Rachel cheated on you. Throughout your entire two-year relationship. That's why you left."

With a long breath, I fell onto the couch in the green room. "I don't need to be reminded, Jolly."

"YN isn't Rachel. She wouldn't hurt you like that," he said while sitting next to me.

I knew that. I also knew it was wrong of me to compare what Rachel did to me in the past to Y/N now. Rachel cheated on me any chance she could find. I invited her with me on Bad Omens' first tour but she declined so she could stay back at our place to invited guy after guy over. The only reason I found out was because I came back early from tour one night and caught a guy mid thrust into her.

After that, I packed up all of my shit to move in with Jolly. I couldn't stay in the place we shared knowing what she did there. I told the rest of the guys what Rachel did but none of them really know how bad it fucked me up.

Only Jolly did.

The trust issues. The constant worry if I'm enough for whoever I'm with. The fear of walking into the same thing; with Y/N and Folio.

Even dealing with all of that, it gave me no right to say those things to Y/N. She didn't deserve it, especially with what she'd been going through the last few days.

"I think the two of you need to sit down and actually have a discussion about what's going on. Although it doesn't excuse what you said, you need to tell her how you're dealing with some things in your past relationship and projecting it onto her," Jolly said.

I rested my head in my hands, suddenly the realization of everything I said to Y/N replaying in my mind.

"I said some fucked up shit, Jolly. I put her personal business out in front of all of you and compared it to basic porn."

"Wait," Jolly shifted in his seat. "It's true? About the Only Fans?"

I nodded. "I don't know why she's doing it."

"What's going on with her mom?"

As I opened my mouth to speak, the door to the green room bursted open and in walked Folio, whose eyes blazed with fury.

"You need to call her; now," he demanded.

"She won't talk to me," I shot back while rasing to my feet.

Our set was about to start and the last thing I needed right now was to be getting lectured by Folio.

"Do you know why Y/N had to leave?" Folio asked.

When I shook my head, exasperated, he continued. "Her mom, who has Alzheimer's, drove and crashed her car into a tree. She's in the hospital right now."

My heart sank to the pit of my stomach, the guilt eating away at my insides.

"Where's Y/N?" I asked, suddenly not giving a shit about our show tonight.

Folio shook his head. "She's gone, Noah. She packed up her shit and found a flight back home. But don't act like you give a shit about her. You threatened to fire her because she needed to leave. Why? Because you're upset that she's talking to her friends? That's all we are to her, friends. She's fucking crazy about you, dumbass. The two of you being together was the best thing to happen to her in a long time."

"I fucked up, Folio," I muttered.

"Understatement," he deadpanned. But then let out a long breath, the anger easing away from his shoulders. "I never intended to come between you two, Noah."

"I know," I nodded. "It's my own fucked up mind that's pushing her away and creating tension between you and me."

Folio raised a brow. "Is it because of Rachel?"

When Jolly noticed the way my jaw ticked and fist clenched, he answered for me with a nod. "I already gave this speech."

My heart hammered in my chest, the fear of finally losing Y/N creeping in. "I really fucked up."

"Where exactly is Y/N now?" Jolly asked when he heard the sadness in my voice.

"Davis is driving her to the airport. It wasn't cheap, but she was able to find a last-minute flight home," Folio said.

Silence fell between us for a long moment, the three of us staring at each other wondering where to go from here.

"We can't cancel the show," Jolly finally said.

Folio agreed. "There's only three shows left. Y/N said she would have our balls if we canceled the rest of the tour because of this. Once were done, we can check in on her."

I remained quiet, my mind running through a handful of different thoughts. Mostly ones of the ways I would go about making this up to Y/N. There was a chance she wouldn't forgive me and never want to see me again.

Could I live with that?

Hell no.

Would I bend over backwards and prove to her how much she means to me?

I thought then back to that night of the first party she attended at my place. It was right before we were heading out on tour, her first tour with us. I couldn't keep my mind off of her that entire night as she talked with Davis, who she knew from highschool, and then Folio. He was always easy going which would explain why she retreated to him.

When it came to the group shot, I purposely made it to be that she was next to me. Before, I watched her from afar but in that moment, having her that close to me made my heart warm with adoration. She was breathtakingly beautiful and her voice sounded like a sweet symphony. I wanted to bathe in the warm glow that radiated off of her, before I dulled it with my own issues.

When she smiled? Fuck, it lit up the entire space.

I remember being so nervous for the picture but when she eased into my touch around her lower back; I found myself staring at her instead of the camera. In that moment, I knew how fucked I was for her. She had me wrapped around her little finger and I would have given her everything she ever wanted.

Until you fucked it up.

Running a hand over my face, I let out a long sigh before looking at Folio. "I'm sorry for being an asshole to you."

He gave me a curt nod. "I'm not the one that needs an apology, Noah."

"I know," I nodded while looking at the tattoo on my thumb of the angel wings.

Would I bend over backward to prove to her how much she means to me?

Without fucking question.

[hearts4hughes]

lacy | mark estapa

( mark estapa x fem!reader )

a/n: i know i should be working on my bday celly, but this song has been stuck in my head since i first heard it. olivia so perfectly captured the feeling of insecurities within girls and others. this is sooo short and it’s devastating writing mark angst, but i had to write something for this song!

warnings: mentions of being insecure, being led on, no part two!

Lacy, oh, Lacy

Skin like puff pastry

Aren't you the sweetest thing on this side of Hell?

Dear angel Lacy

Eyes white as daisies

Did I ever tell you that I’m not doin' well?

the bar was loud- so loud it hurt your head. then again, maybe it was also the result of the countless drinks you’d lost track of, each one seemingly going down easier than the last.

why had you agreed to go there? why had you agreed to torture yourself?

just a week ago mark had his arm around you. he was whispering sweet nothings into your ear, giving you the impression he wanted more than to just be best friends. yet he never acted on it, never followed through. so you waited on this confusing limbo. you didn’t know what you were waiting for- perhaps for your crush on your best friend to magically disappear or for him to finally act on all those mixed signals.

now, mere days later, he had his arm around her- treating her as he had just treated you. his arm rested comfortably around her waist. their height difference made him have to lean down to whisper in her ear, just as he had done with you. and he looked at her with those unmistakable heart eyes. you wanted to believe that she had lured him in with some siren song, or maybe cast a spell on him, but you didn’t believe in magic. that’s why lacy almost didn’t seem real. she was impossibly perfect.

her long, blonde hair was tied back with delicate pink ribbons, matching with her adorable slip dress. but when you wore pink, it washed out all of your features, leaving you feeling less then feminine. with lacy, it was different. pink accentuated her plump red lips and those piercing blue eyes of hers. she embodied femininity in every way.

why couldn’t you look like that?

Smart, sexy Lacy

I'm losin’ it lately

I feel your compliments like bullеts on skin

Dazzling starlet

Bardot reincarnate

Wеll, aren't you the greatest thing to ever exist?

you were jolted as she gracefully moved away from mark and headed in your direction. she sent you the sweetest smile, showing off her pearly white teeth. it was the kind of smile that could uplift anyone that was lucky enough to see it.

“oh my goodness, you look like an actual goddess!” she complimented, her eyes filled with sincerity and awe. there was no devilish undertone or hidden agenda in her words, so why did it feel like bullets against your skin?

you smiled in return, yet it didn’t reach your eyes. “speaking of looking like a goddess, darling, that’s you.” you replied with sincerity, even though the gnawing feeling in your stomach hinted otherwise.

“thank you so much, cutie! i channeled my inner bardot with this look.” she said, though she didn’t need to channel anyone. she was a modern-day brigitte bardot herself. “anyways, catch you later; i’m going to get drinks for mark and me.” she beamed, planted a sweet kiss on your cheek, and strutted off to the bar.

you wanted so desperately to find a flaw, to mock her in some way, but it was impossibly- she was genuinely one of the sweetest people you’ve ever met, and it left you conflicted, torn between admiration and insecurity.

you couldn’t do this. you couldn’t sit here praying on the downfall of her and mark’s relationship. it was time to accept the painful truth: you were just a pawn in his game, leading him to her- his queen. your trembling fingers found their way to the heart pendant necklace around your neck, and with a determined tug, you broke the clasp. gazing at it in your palm, you remembered how mark got it for you for your one year ‘friendiversary’. what once was such a special piece of jewelry, was now a mockery of your failed relationship.

tears welled up in your eyes as you stomped over to mark. he didn’t notice you were next to him until you shoved his shoulder. he looked at you with confusion as you opened his hand, shoving the golden pendant within it.

“what’s going on?” he asked, peering down at the necklace. “why are you giving this to me?” foolish was the only word that could describe him.

“i can’t be friends with you anymore, mark. you’re tearing me apart and i don’t even think you notice it.” you confessed, tears streaming down your face. his eyes were laced with hurt. what had he done to lose his best friend?

“y/n-”

“no, don’t say anything!” you snapped, your breath hitching in your throat. “you don’t get to say anything after what you did to our friendship. you ruined it! you’re the one who ruined it.” your words were slurred, fueled by the alcohol coursing through your veins.

he didn’t respond or ask for clarification; you both knew exactly what had been done to ruin such a solid connection.

as the weight of your confession hung in the air, you turned away from who once was your world, leaving him behind with the heart pendant in his open palm. there was a whirlwind of emotions coursing through you- pain, anger, and an overwhelming sense of betrayal.

pushing through the crowd, you made your way to the exit. lacy waved you bye, clueless of what had just happened.

you stepped out of the bar into the darkness. tears clung to your lashes, but you didn’t let them fall. your phone vibrated in your pocket, but you ignored it- too nervous that you’d see mark’s contact picture staring back at you.

and you left, leaving everything you once cared about behind you; leaving that cruel chapter of your life in the darkness of the open night.

Lacy, oh, Lacy

It's like you're out to get me

You poison every little thing that I do

Lacy, oh, Lacy

I just loathe you lately

And I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you

Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you

[deans-angel67]

Just Friends

Summary: They're "just friends"

Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader

Word count: 600

Warning: none really, angst?

Everyone knew they were inseparable. Wherever she was, he was right there beside her. They were attracted by the hip, 'I'm going to get food.' 'Let me grab my jacket.' They shared a bed, and always did research at the same time. No matter what they were doing they were together. Dean and Y/n if one was close the other couldn't be very far.

A/N: Drabble. Let me know if you enjoy things in this format. Also would you be interested in me turning this into a series?

____

Y/n joined the Winchesters after her parents where killed. None of her family could take her in (not that they would have). So John kept her, she was quiet and shy, which was normal considering she was grieving. But she eventually broke out of her shell, thanks to Sam's thousands of questions and Dean's sympathetic glances. She'd answer all the questions and she started to be herself again slowly. She got closer to the brothers but mostly to Dean. It was bound to happen with the amout of time they spent together. They shared a bed, spent hours if not days in a car together and had all the same classes. Even though she was a year younger than him (she skipped 3rd grade).

They had quite a bit in common. Same music taste, they enjoyed the same movies and food. But something about them just clicked and they never left each other's side. Even when Sam went to college and John left, they always had each other. Throught out the years they went through a lot of things and they bonded, over trauma, over sports, over homework. They built an incredible strong trust between the two of them and it was never broken. Y/n was probably the only one who had ever seen Dean truly cry, and he was the only one who had ever seen her so angry she beat a man half to death. Which was extremely unlike her. They comforted each other.

Now they were adults, and they knew everything about each other. They knew the others triggers, when they needed comfort, physical touch, when they needed to be alone or just some encouraging word. Most people assumed that they were dating because of how in sync they were. Always knowing the others next move, but they were....

JUST FRIENDS.

It was something they had both said numerous times throughout the years. Sam knew that saying those words always hurt Y/n. She fell first, how could she not? He understood everything that she was going through, he was kind and gentle. He smelled like pin cones, cologne and leather. Not to mention he was tall, with beautiful eyes, a killer smile and an adorable attitude with alot of sarcasm mixed into it. He always made time for her and his touch gave her butterflies. He would hold the door open and stay near by when he noticed she didn't feel safe.

But when he realized that he was falling for her it became chaos in his head. Her kindness, compassion and her soft smile. The way she always smelled good honey and mint even though they stayed in musty motel rooms. Her way of always having a brighter perspective and a chipper attitude. Yes, she had her bad days, but who didn't. She would play along his sarcastic wit, and she never failed to make him smile.

But neither was willing to risk there friendship for a stupid crush. A crush that made her heart swell, and that made him feel jealous the moment another man looked her way. They were oblivious to each other. They were just friends. That's what they tried to convince themselves at least.

[thisblogisaboutabook]

Cowboy Like Me - Part 6

Azriel x Reader

Reader and Elain are forced to spend a little one on one time together. Mor whisks reader out for a night on the town. Azriel loses his shit during an incident at Rita’s and comforts reader afterward. A new boundary is crossed between Azriel and reader.

A/n: We’re coming into the home stretch with this story! It will only have a couple more chapters.

Part 5

Warnings: Alcohol, Language, mild violence, seizure, poisoning, mention (kind of) of drugging via alcohol

Elain’s garden was lovely. A labor of love that only countless hours of tending and getting hands dirty could cultivate. Her tension eased slightly as she shared details of the various flora blooming throughout.

Truthfully, I had no interest in gardening and most of the plant names went in one of my ears and out the other but her passion was captivating. There was something about listening to someone speak of their interests that I couldn’t get enough of.

As if she were a demure flower that came into bloom when she entered her space, she went from uncomfortable with me to genuine. I could see why Azriel had interest in her.

As we finished her tour of the garden, nobody had come to collect us and the awkwardness once returned.

Finally Elain looked to her feet and then back to me. “You and Azriel are a lovely pair.”

I started. “Oh no, we’re not together. It’s just an assignment.”

Elain thought for a moment beginning to say something but holding herself back.

And because I was nothing if not incurably nosey I blurted out. “It’s okay. You can say whatever it is you’re holding back. It won’t hurt me, Elain.”

“It’s not like that.” She spoke softly. “Just be careful. Not with him, he is a good, honorable male. But I am a seer. It was one of the powers thrust upon me by the cauldron and I’ve seen something that I don’t understand. A mangled skeleton in a tunnel with you…. And threads of gold flowing from the opposite direction.”

I paled. What an ominous thing to say. “My visions are strange and I don’t understand how to decipher them just yet. I don’t want to alarm you. Please,” she took my hand earnestly, “just be careful.”

I squeezed her hand in return. Who was I to make the female before me feel uncomfortable for sharing something she clearly still struggled to speak about. She had no reason to be kind to me. I was a stranger, a spy, in close proximity to someone she had or perhaps still did have feelings for. And yet, I could feel she was being genuine. So I met her eyes sincerely, “Thank you, Elain. I’m happy to have met you.”

We chatted for a few more minutes, nothing of substance, just contented small talk.

Eventually Rhysand came to the garden, Azriel behind him looking uncomfortable. “Thank you for your patience, ladies. Amren can get rather cranky when she hasn’t had her nap. Please excuse her…. brazen ways. It makes her a great second, but an occasional pain in the ass at dinner.”

He gestured to the female beside me, “Thank you for showing our guest your garden, Elain.” before turning to me. “Y/N, please join Azriel, Cassian, and I in my office.”

Rhysand turned back toward the house, Azriel lingering behind to wait for me. I felt his gaze as we wandered through a corridor of the massive estate. I felt awkward after the earlier encounter, not quite sure what to say. It was Azriel who broke the silence as he slowed his pace. “Y/N…”

I looked up to the male towering over me. His wings were tucked in tightly behind him as his shadows whirled around our feet. “You look so much more than nice. You’re resplendent.”

My face heated in a blush and a flicker sparked in those hazel eyes. Oh, he knew that effected me and was proud of recovering from his earlier stumble.

“Thank you, Azriel.” I reached toward his tunic. “You clean up quite well yourself.”

It was his turn to blush now. I jerked my head toward the High Lord now several yards ahead of us. “We best catch up with him.”

“Yes, of course.” He extended his arm as I looped mine through it.

Rhysand’s office was less of an office and more of a library. In fact, I am pretty sure that I’ve seen smaller libraries in my travels to the Day Court. “What an impressive collection” I marveled at the grand room surrounding us that was both warm and elegant. A lovely painting of the High Lady hung behind his desk. I wondered if she painted it.

“She did.” Rhys spoke into my head. “Lovely, isn’t she?”

“The loveliest” I mused wistfully. She truly was. “Hey, now get out of my head.”

He held his hands up in a show of innocence before mentally replying “No mind reading here. It was easy enough to read on your face, little spy. Nice to know all I need to break a spy is my beautiful mate.”

I only giggled in return. I liked him. I had heard rumors that he was a much more benevolent ruler than he let the world see but hearing it versus experiencing were two totally different things.

Azriel’s low voice interrupted and brought me back to reality “I’d love to be included in whatever you two are going on about.”

Whoops. Busted.

“Yeah, guys.” Cassian’s booming voice came from the doorway. “Secrets don’t make friends.”

“They do keep my pockets lined though.” I replied without thinking. Probably not in my best interest to make such jokes after Amren’s display at dinner.

To both my surprise and lack of it, Cassian laughed. “Touché, little spy.”

Rhys placed his palms on the desk, eyes fixating on a letter before lifting his head back to us. “We have new information on the infiltrated shipments. A trace amount of the same poison that had laced the spices imported to the Summer Court were detected in one of Beron’s vaults. Not enough to damn him but enough to suggest we are looking in the right direction.”

“Who relayed this intel?” Azriel asked.

“Who do you think?” Cassian goaded, earning an eye roll from his brother.

I cut in “It was Eris, right? Are you sure he can be trusted?”

“I trust him far more than Beron and he hasn’t led us astray yet.” Rhys replied. “I see no reason not to believe him at this point in time.”

“Now,” Rhys continued. “Here’s where things get interesting. Beron will be attending the ball next week. Eris will be there as well and I’ve contacted Lucien. He was hesitant to show given his history with his father but with Elain in attendance he plans to join.”

Azriel gave no response, physical or verbal, to the mention of Elain. He only continued listening intently. “Lucien was concerned about Elain given Beron being there but she has made it abundantly clear to Feyre and I that it is her choice to go.”

“Is it necessary for her to attend?” Cassian asked.

“Once again, it is her choice. She had a vision leading me to believe Beron has something planned and that was before Eris confirmed that Beron is attending the ball and of the traces of poison he had discovered.”

“Shit.” Cassian muttered.

“Azriel, I need you and Y/N to stay here in the event that anything urgent comes up. Y/N, would you be comfortable staying in Velaris for the time being? You can stay at the House of Wind with Nesta, Cassian, and Azriel and train with Nesta in the mornings.”

As if I would be sad to stay in a gorgeous city and not in a giant palace in the middle of nowhere with only one grumpy Shadowsinger for company. Okay, the last part wasn’t so bad. He wasn’t that grumpy… and he was rather pleasant to look at it.

Rhys waited patiently for an answer. “I am at your disposal, High Lord.”

———————

Upon reentering the main living area, I was greeted by an eager Mor. “What would an evening together be without a little Amren drama?” She clung to my arm guiding me toward a liquor cart, pouring us each a glass of Cognac served neat. “Cheers to surviving your first family dinner!”

Azriel only huffed. “We should get to the House of Wind. It’s late and we have to train in the morning.”

“Oh no you don’t.” Mor gripped my arm tightly.

“Don’t even think about it, Mor.” Azriel warned.

“My gift is truth. And the truth is that Y/N has not experienced Velaris until she’s had a night out at Rita’s.”

Azriel kept his stance. “Well she’ll be here for at least a week longer. We’re going to stay at the House of Wind until the ball.”

Mor squealed. “Oh, we are going to have so much fun!”

“She’s still here for work, Mor.” He reprimanded

Her brows knit together “And? What does that have to do with anything? There’s plenty of time for work. Now, let’s play.”

I wasn’t about to get into this battle of wills between Mor and Az but the idea of a night out was appealing. I’ve never had a night out for just fun. It was always for work, always. I wanted to feel music and lose my myself for a bit, but… Azriel did have a point. It was getting late and we did have to train tomorrow.

The blonde waived a hand dismissively. “Azriel. You work too hard. You’ve been wound tight for months now. You need this just as much.”

He scoffed. “My idea of an enjoyable night out isn’t babysitting my belligerent best friend and one of my spies.”

“Excuse me?” I chimed in. “One: you don’t have to babysit me. Two: I’m a spy for hire, not one of your spies.”

And with that, I could have sworn hurt flickered across his stoic features before regaining his composure. “Do what you want then. I’m not going out.”

“Fine.” I stated. “I’m going with Mor.”

“For fucks sake.” He muttered under his breath.

Mor again squealed. “Come on! Let’s change.”

———————-

I wasn’t sure why Mor insisted on changing when the dress I had been wearing was perfectly suitable for a night out, but who was I to fight the determined female? I saw how far it got Azriel who had known her for 500 years. There was no way that I would win that battle with her.

So, I found myself at Rita’s a lively bar with even livelier music in a much too short, skin tight dress, high heels, and an obscene amount of cleavage.

Cassian and Nesta came along as Nesta loved the music though she did not drink.

And Az thought he would have to babysit when Nesta was right there?

I would obey any command the silver eyed female gave me. Any command. Cassian was a very lucky male.

Rita’s was far more lively than I anticipated, nothing like the taverns I had frequented where a sole piano collected dust until a passing bard came through to warm the keys for tips. No, this bar had a stage dedicated for instrumentals and singers with sultry voices. The drinks were far from the stale and shitty varieties of ale I was used to. While there were plenty of bottom shelf options, Mor ordered everything from the top, and I gladly indulged.

We did several rounds of shots before Mor pulled me onto the dance floor. Nesta following with Cassian in tow. Round of drinks were served to us in between sets and I completely lost myself to the music. I took turns writhing against Mor and Nesta, which Cassian did not mind ogling in the slightest. Nesta only gave him a sultry smirk before losing herself to the music again.

A few males tried getting close to us but Cassian’s big scary “Lord of Bloodshed” face drove them off. Fortunately for them.

I had a feeling that if they slipped past his harrowing gaze, Nesta would happily eat them alive. Just to reiterate, Cassian is a very lucky male.

The liquor continued flowing and my head felt light in the best of ways. A lightness I’d experienced so few times over the years. I knew I was a sight, we all were. Nesta’s curves were stunning in anything, and Mor and I… well we had enough on display for anyone to appreciate.

Eventually Rhys and Feyre came into the bar, seemingly having left Nyx with Elain for the rest of the night. They were a sight together, the moon and stars, so effortlessly captivating.

Feyre joined us out on the dance floor as tendrils of darkness swirled around the booth Rhysand sat at, his white teeth shining through as an amused grin crossed his face.

Maybe if I’d looked closer I would have noticed that those weren’t tendrils of darkness at all but shadow that surrounded the booth.

Mor was drawn into dance with a beautiful female as Cassian took reprieve to visit Rhys in his booth and Nesta and Feyre took to chatting with eachother in a corner. The perfect moment to sneak away and indulge in one more drink.

I approached the bar, fighting through a crowd of bystanders to place another order. After three attempts to catch the bartenders attention, a pretty male appeared next to me with that classic High Fae beauty and he was so, so tall. “What do you want?” He asked. “I’ve got you.” And in a normal circumstances would have insisted I am a strong, independent female perfectly calable to order my own drink but honestly…. My inhibitions were low enough that I was happy to accept the feat of a beautiful male buying me a drink.

I yelled my drink order to him over the crowd to which he raised an eyebrow then threw a long arm up in the air with two fingers and a gold mark. Ah, money, great attention getter. It was only a moment before the bartender made his way over to take his order. The bartender opened a new bottle of the liquor from the shelf. Not a high end liquor but not totally bottom of the barrel either. Something that said I’m a classy lady but also considerate of the fact that someone else is paying for my drink.

The bartender slid the drinks over to which the male handed me mine, gave a cheers, and invited me for a dance.

One dance wouldn’t hurt.

He stayed close to me but remained respectful. His hands not drifting anywhere above or below mid-waist and keeping a few centimeters of space between our bodies.

As I became more comfortable with the stranger and the music became a bit more seductive, I leaned back into his warm chest. It was nice, comfortable, but my eyes began to grow heavy and my limbs a bit more lucid. My motions became slower and I felt myself slumping a bit. The male noticed too because he peered around me. “Hey. Hey, are you-“ and suddenly shadows surrounded us and a low, gravely voice spoke. “Step away from my lady.”

I heard the male gasp beginning to speak, letting go of me as Azriel’s large, strong hands caught me, not letting go until I steadied. “Wait, I wasn’t-“ he didn’t finish the sentence before Azriel’s fist met the males face, hard.

“Fuck!” The male shouted as Azriel shoved him further away from me and it was then that I fell to the floor, darkness overtaking me.

——————

When I came to it, I was in an unfamiliar bed. A warm fire glowed in a large stone fireplace before me and a few stars still interés in the sky outside. Pain radiated through me shooting from my stomach and throughout the rest of my body. I tried to sit up but immediately needed to throw up.

Suddenly a scarred hand passed a bucket to me. “Here, here take this.” I gripped my hands onto it and heaved. A warm hand helped keep me sitting upright, thumb running soft strokes over my back as another held my hair back.

“Holy shit.” I gasped before heaving again. “I’m never drinking again.”

“Not a bad idea.” Azriel spoke, no hint of amusement in his voice. “But drinking wasn’t the sole factor.”

Pain radiated through my skull. “What do you mean?”

Then a flashback ran through my mind of shadow and Azriel’s fist meeting a males face.

Fuck, how could I have been so stupid! “That male. He…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. “Did he-?”

Azriel looked down to his feet before taking the bucket back and handing me a cup of ginger tea.

“Look, I…” shame darkened his features. “My shadows sensed something was wrong. I saw you slumping in his arms and I acted before realizing.”

My brows furrowed, lips drawing into a straight line. “I still don’t understand. What do you mean, Azriel?”

“No, he didn’t do anything wrong. For what it’s worth, he seems like a decent male. But after you fell, I ran to you. I shouldn’t have stepped away from you in the first place. You began seizing, Y/N. It fucking terrified me. Cassian apprehended him before the same thing happened to the male. He lost his steadiness, fell to the ground, and began seizing as well.

I immediately took you to Madja who examined you, induced vomiting and provided tonics to counteract the symptoms. “What happened to me?”

Rage. Icy rage crossed his features. “You were poisoned. Mor came and stayed by your side while Madja worked on you. Rhys, Cassian, and I were able to question several people at Rita’s. It turns out that soon after you fell ill, a few others came down with the same symptoms. It was the liquor that had been poisoned. We spoke with the owner of Rita’s who checked their logs and the bottle of liquor you were last served from had been imported around the time that the rogue shipment landed in the summer court.”

“Fuuuck.” I whispered. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I overreacted. I thought he hurt you. And when i considered his intentions….”

His hands flexed and a light hint of silver lined his eyes. “Fuck, I just lost it.”

“Is he okay?” I asked. “Yes, once the tonic took effect for him. I was able to apologize and he was forgiving. Very decent of him given that if the roles were reversed… I didn’t deserve the forgiveness.”

“What about the other patrons who were poisoned?” I asked. “Is everyone okay?”

Azriel’s shadows whirred angrily. “Fortunately. Madja and her staff were quick and everyone will recover.”

His hazel eyes met mine sympathetically, “but it may take a full day for the effects to fully clear from your system. It won’t be a pleasant process.”

Given the pain and nausea within me, I was dreading the next several hours. Looking down, I saw that I’d been changed into an oversized t-shirt and men’s boxer briefs. I looked to Azriel with a raised eyebrow. “Your doing?”

The male blushed, blushed for the second time in less than twelve hours, and I couldn’t repress the small grin that came to my lips. “Nesta helped you into these. Your dress was covered in vomit. And Nesta may dress somewhat modestly in public but she has preferences in her nightly attire so it was either my clothes or a night gown that left very little to the imagination.

Mor is going to bring you some of the clothes you bought yesterday and some of hers after she gets a few hours of sleep. I’ll retrieve clothes from the Moonstone Palace once you’re better.”

Had he forgotten that I was only wearing clothes from the guest armoire there? “I know they aren’t yours but they suited you. Night Court attire suits you.”

I remembered the cobalt blue outfits I wore around the palace. Cobalt blue like…. Oh my gods, his siphons.

It was my turn to blush.

“You should get some more rest, Y/N.”

“Fine.” I sighed. A fevered chill running through me that even the warm bed and fire couldn’t suppress.

He started as he saw the shivers overtake me, goosebumps appearing on my arms.

“Azriel?”

“Yes?” He asked cautiously.

“Will you lay with me? I’m cold.”

And that was the first night I slept in the arms of the Shadowsinger.

———————

Azriel

He sat beside her bed for hours, heart lurching at any stir in her sleep. Had he just gone out with them in the first place, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Maybe it would have been him holding her against his chest on the dance floor, maybe she wouldn’t have wandered off for that last drink.

When she seized on the floor, he felt his soul leave his body. He’d never known such panic in his life, not when his brothers held fire to his hands, not when he saw Mor in that field, not even when Elain had been captured by Hybern. He was always able to master himself in times of distress. But he knew that this time was different and if it weren’t for the adrenaline rush that overtook his senses in rushing her to Madja, he would have been hyperventilating on the floor next to her, he was certain of it.

So when she finally awoke and asked meekly if he’d sleep with her, there was no other option. She felt so right in his arms. As her breathing evened out, sleep once again overtaking her, he quietly whispered into the night, to himself, to her sleeping form, to the gods, anyone who would listen. “Never again.”

His shadows hummed in agreement.

Never again would he leave her when he knew she wanted his company. No, she didn’t say it out loud, but he felt it somewhere deep within his chest. Never again would he let someone bring harm to her, and if they did, he wouldn’t let them get away with it. Never again would his little spy feel alone in this world.

With that he softly brushed his lips across her temple. A seal of a vow. A silent show of adoration.

And he could have sworn he felt a little flutter in his chest as her lip quirked upward in her dream state.

————————————————

Tags: @fxckmiup @saltedcoffeescotch @minnieoo @dr4g0ngirl @thebeautifulmysteriesoflife

Sorry for the delay with this chapter!

[thisismeracing]

hiii, would you mind doing prompt 8 with lewis hamilton please ? i love your writing 🥹

Heyyy 🥹💓 thanks, I'm really glad to hear that, nonny!!! here you go, hope you like it!

From the Quick Prompt List: 8. “You said you wanted to be my friend”

word count: 1.4k (I GOT CARRIED AWAY AGAIN AAAAAA)

pairing: reader (she/her pronouns) x lewis hamilton

warnings: angst (w happy ending), not proofread, mentions of a breakup, pinning - friends to lovers trope.

When Yn called crying he didn't waste any time to show up at her door. Lewis knew he was the first person she called because that was just how they worked, they prioritized the other above all things. That was one of the reasons Jackson, Yn's ex, gave for the sudden breakup, he thought they were in love, he thought that Lewis was a looming figure, he felt like a third party in his own relationship, and it didn't matter how many times Yn repeated they were just friends Jackson was convinced either Lewis and Yn were too blind to see or he was being lied to.

When the pilot got there he used the spare key he had to get inside, he took some seconds to look around the living room, some tissues on top of the coffee table, along with an open pint of ice cream and one of her favorite books.

"Hey," he whispered when Yn showed up at the door separating the kitchen from the living room. She gave him a weak smile before running into his open arms and letting the storm take its place.

"He didn't even have a good reason, Lew," she sobbed burying her head in the crook of his neck.

Lewis brought her body close and gave a light tap on her back, a sign for her to lace her legs around him so that he could carry her. He walked with Yn, now tangled in his body, to the couch where they sat together, and he heard the way she complained about the breakup. She wasn't telling him everything, though, and he knew well enough because after all, he was her best friend, yet he chose to just listen and comfort her.

The British watched as his own heart broke at the sight of the woman he loved crying over someone else. ]

"Am I unlovable? Am I a bad lover?" Yn asked after her cries subsided, Lewis's hands going up and down her back in a soothing caress. Her question was more of a conversation with herself because her first two exes complained about her best friend too, which at the time she thought was just jealousy, now, the third time sends her a message, right? No way three of her last partners didn't like Lewis without a reason. What's there not to like about him? she thought. "I must be horrible to be around," she muttered in a huff and Lewis took a deep breath deciding he had enough.

He didn't want to confess his feelings like this, but he also couldn't watch as Yn searched for a problem inside her when it wasn't about her, but about those idiots who let her go. Who could have her a let her go? And Lewis knew her enough to know that he would try to explain for hours and she would still say the problem was her, so he decided it was time to come clean.

"The problem is not you, Yn, it was never you. It can't be you because it pains me to not be around you, it physically hurts me not being able to hug you all the time. I wish I could carry you around everywhere, I wish you could be my forever. You could never be the problem, because you're the solution, at least to me. I love you so much and it fucking kills me to watch you cry for yet another guy all the while trying to search problems on yourself when you're just...perfect."

Yn was silent for a minute. Her eyes were wide open staring ahead of Leiws at her white walls, lips slightly parted. For a second he thought that maybe he was good at hiding his feelings. It's a beat before she's scrambling off his lap, leaving the couch and standing in the middle of her living room with an accusatory look towards him.

"You said you wanted to be my friend!" Yn sticks her point finger at him, her other hand holding at her chest like it would prevent her heart from beating any faster.

Lewis keeps his sitting position on the couch, head hanging down before mustering the courage to look her in the eyes again, "I didn't lie," he states.

"Then you care to explain to me how all of a sudden you're in love with me?"

"It's not sudden, I've been in love with you for years now, Yn. You just didn't see it," his tone is not harsh but his words made her take a step back. "When we met and I said I wanted to be your friend I wasn't lying, I still wanna be your best friend, but I want to be your lover as well, I want you to have a friend in your partner because I know you never did with the other guys. I want everything with you," Lewis confessed.

Yn shakes her head, tears spilling from her eyes like a waterfall. The realization that maybe all her past boyfriends were right: she was oblivion to the fact that there was something between her and her best friend. He loved her and Yn felt guilty for a second because she couldn't find it in her to deny that maybe it was mutual. Maybe she went through three breakups in the past few years because she was afraid of being alone and having to face her own feelings for Lewis.

Still, she shook her head looking away.

She watched from her peripheral vision as Lewis got up from her couch, one hand inside the pockets of his pants, the other sticking in her direction, instinctively she took a step back.

He winced.

It physically hurt her too, but she couldn't stop the tears nor the tsunami of thoughts about all their interactions and all her feelings and how she was blind to the truth all this time.

"Call me if you need me," the Brit whispered before heading to the door and leaving Yn to the sound of her own breath and then the sound of her own sobs because now she was crying harder than when Jackson broke up with her. The truth was, she did not really care about Jackson, she liked him just fine, his breaking up with her hurt her ego and put her on the spot of looking inside herself again, which was not good, or so she thought.

But Lewis leaving?

Lewis leaving felt like part of her went too. Like someone broke her in half and threw the other piece somewhere no one could find.

How would life be without Lewis?

She took some time to think, took hours watching the city go by from her window, all while mentally cursing herself. She could have faced it before. They could have been together for years. Yn was so tired of letting her fears speak louder than her desires. Lewis was so much braver and bolder than her, she took a deep breath and prayed for it to rub a bit in her, his boldness, his courage because it was too late to back away when the Uber accepted her ride to his address.

It was the middle of the night, almost two thirty in the morning the last time she checked her phone, but still, she wanted to be bold, to have courage, she didn't want to waste any more time.

Yn buzzed his doorbell nonstop until a pajama-clad Lewis Hamilton opened the door with a confused frown on his face. She didn't give him much time to question before starting.

"I am so sorry, I feel so dumb, I should have been more honest with myself and with you, Lewis."

"I-" he started, but she cut him off.

"I love you," she confessed. "I love you too and I was just too afraid to lose our friendship to confess it, I didn't want to see my feelings for what it was, and I made you suffer in the process. I am truly sorry for that."

It was like a height left her shoulders.

"Am I still in time to be your best friend but also your lover and biggest admirer and whatever more there is to be?"

Lewis chuckled rolling his eyes at her cute antics before sweeping her off of her feet into a tight hug that gave them just enough space to stare at each other's faces and finally kiss.

Wrote this while listening to "Nobody gets me" by queen SZA. Hope yall like this, I am way too sleepy to try and proofread or look for basic mistakes, so I'm really sorry if you see those. Don't forget to like, reblog, yada yada yada it makes me happy and inspires me to write more, do it without thinking twice <3 *mwah*

[love-hatred-stuff]

»sorrowful«

genre: angst, bestfriend/soulmate!bucky

warnings: short mention of drinks, (Gabriel from part 1), mentions of physical pain through mental pain

excuse any mistakes

part 1

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

»You still haven’t talked to her?« Sam could see it in Bucky’s face the second he set foot in to this room.

He shook his head.

In all the years they’ve been friends, Sam did not once see Buck this distressed and miserable.

»She’s not talking to me anymore.« His once strong and hard voice is now hushed and faint.

It’s like he’s replaced. A drunken and lifeless soul captured his body.

»Come on. Don’t be so upset about it, just give her the space she needs and she will come back sooner or later.«

Bucky’s face contorted, knowing you probably wouldn’t.

»I am, Sam! I’m giving her so much space! But it’s been two weeks now and I can’t do it anymore. She’s found herself a new best friend, if not more than that. Gabriel is there for her now. I should find my peace with it, shouldn’t I?« He looks at Sam with tired eyes.

»I’m really sorry, man. I really thought she liked you back«

»I don’t just "like her", I love her. And she doesn’t. That’s inconvenient for me, but I can’t force her, especially when I fucked up like I did.« Bucky’s aware.

Not that you made it hard for him to understand. You didn’t even answer his texts anymore.

<><><><><>

You’ve just said goodbye to Gabriel, who brought you home after a night out with him. You two met quite a lot over the last two weeks and you could say that you’ve become really fond of him. He was good company. He’s a gentleman, a happy and charming person, someone who’s good at keeping you entertained and content.

At least for a little while. Because although you thought Gabriel was a good chance at getting over your annoying feelings, that you still had for Bucky, it just didn’t work out the way you had wanted it to. You were still always thinking of your former best friend.

And sure, he hurt you with the things he’d said to you that night, but your heart still bled for a man you wasn’t supposed to love. You thought that that was finally a good reason to get some distance between you two, so you could start over and forget about him for a little bit.

You were tired of being so intimidated by feeling all those butterflies in your stomach when he was near you. Tired of feeling the constant need to feel his hands against you. Tired of wishing you could lay your lips on his and never let go.

So you felt almost relieved when he finally broke your heart. When he finally slipped. Your perfect picture of him was now damaged. You hoped it would drain your undying affection for him.

And it had worked, the slightest bit. Since you didn’t have to communicate with him for a good while, it gave you a fraction of the time you needed to make your heart forget about the power he had over you.

…

You closed your apartment door and got rid of your coat, walking into the kitchen to get yourself a glass of water. You had a few drinks tonight and you felt really sleepy now that Gabriel wasn’t there anymore to keep you going.

You breathed out and enjoyed the silence for a moment when a knock on your door destroyed your peace.

You frowned and wondered who it might be.

When you arrived at the front and opened up, you had to suppress a surprised gasp as you saw who was disturbing you this time of day.

»Hey- uhh- I wanted to ask if… if you got a minute for me?« His voice was small and you wouldn’t have heard him if not everything would’ve been so utterly still around you. The only thing you heard was the paper wrapped around a flower bouquet that he was holding in his calloused hands.

»What? Why? I- no! I don’t have a minute. I was just going to bed.« You shook your head in disapproval.

You weren’t ready to talk to him yet. You wanted to keep your peace for yourself for a moment longer.

»Y/n… please. I’m sorry. I just miss you and I think I’m going crazy without you. I have these voices in my head and- and they won’t calm! I can’t! Nobody could make it go away, Y/n!« As you studied his face you watched the desperation grew with each passing moment that his eyes begged you to let him inside.

»Fine.« You were upset with him but you still cared for him, so you couldn’t help but let you heart have the control over your actions.

You stepped aside for Bucky to come in. He breathed in the smell of your apartment. He missed it so much. It made his chest feel a little lighter to be near you again.

You followed him. You felt so anxious seeing him again. Feeling his body heat rise made you grow cold.

»Look-« He turned towards you suddenly, looking at you with glossy eyes.

Bucky wanted to touch and feel your skin against him so badly but he didn’t wanna make you uncomfortable. Causing his hands to shake vividly around the flowers he was still holding onto for dear life.

»I wish I could do more than apologize to you. But I’ve ran out of ideas how of to get your attention when you ignore every little thing I do. Which I don’t blame you for! I just- I thought that this was my last option. And I’m not over exaggerating when I say I think I’m going to die or at least live in constant pain if your not gonna give me another chance.« James wished he could do something to turn back time and keep his mouth shut instead of attack your feelings like he did.

»I took my jealousy out on you- And you didn’t deserve that! You deserve so much better! Better than me. If-« He paused, not believing how far his desperation was driving him to say what he was gonna say.

»If you like Gabriel, I will- I will let you two be. I just can’t stay away from you any longer. It gets so hard to breath and every single pore of mine screams at me like I’m about to burst into flames. I don’t want to feel like that anymore. Because if I don’t have you with me I’m alone. I know that you’re not something to loose.«

»Bucky, I don’t know what to say- I don’t know if I can act like nothing happened. It really stung what you said to me. I realize that it wasn’t nice of me to act the way I did when Gabriel was around. But you also could’ve been gentler. But it’s not like I want you to die-«

»For you, I would. I love you.« Bucky had been a ticking time bomb, which had now exploded. He couldn’t keep it in any longer.

»What?« Your shocked expression told him quite a lot.

<><><><><><><><><>

Heyyy

I received so many wishes for a part two, so here it is! I really hope you all like it and sorry for the little cliffhanger! I suppose that means, more is coming^^

Also; I used some references from the song “compass” from the neighborhood

Pt.3

Masterlist

Taglist;

@jbuckybarnesfan @emerald-writes @ozwriterchick @blackgirlbydna @winterslove1917 @cjand10 @floralwsloki @vicmc624 @kandis-mom @nikkivillar @kjah97 @xjasam4lifex @errinallene

[bobbin-buckley]

Vada Cavell Headcanons

Vada Cavell x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of school shooting, mentions of smoking & getting drunk, smut, fluff, mentions of anxiety and depression, some angst,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SFW (Some Angst)

-You & Vada we’re dating for about 3 months before the shooting happened. Then slowly drifted away after it.

-I wouldn’t perhaps say you broke up, Vada just was keeping herself away from you and everyone else, well, almost everyone else

-Nick told you Vada was hanging out with Mia Reed, this made you feel a lot of different things; confusion, anger, sadness and jealousy you wanted, no you NEEDED to ask her why she was all of a sudden hanging out with this Mia girl

-You felt as if she was cheating on you, maybe? You stormed into her room one day and started rambling about how she just started ghosting you and smoking with the blonde girl

-Vada did feel bad, infact she did regret everything after realizing how upset you were. That’s when you found Vada in your arms again

-She did start to invite you over at Mia’s house, you didn’t like the idea but accepted when Vada have you those puppy eyes

-Helping each other through all this depression and pain, venting

-Vada is a pretty affectionate person if you are really close

-She definitely has acts of service as her love language, she’ll buy you stuff (if she isn’t broke), take care of you, take you out somewhere etc

-Movie nights with make-out sessions throughout the film

-Shed love your pet(s) if you have any, (she totally seems like a dog person)

-Being besties with her little sister Amelia, she loves you sm, you both love to tease Vada, prank her and hangout together w/ Vada

-Finds it weird her family adores you

-When your alone together there can be three different moods; fluffy, sweet, soft, silly cuddly or hot, horny, lust & flirty, or sad, fluff, upset, depressed but you cope together by cuddling and talking

-Always being side by side, Vada craves your touch or needs to touch you. Wanting to cuddle but if she can’t she’ll hold your hand, pinkies intertwined under a table or knee to knee and head in shoulder

-You find it hilarious when Vada gets cranky and throws a fit. She smacks you when you laugh

“I’m dating a literal four year old”

“Then that would be fucked up also, nuh-uh!”

-Loves to make dirty jokes just to see you hot & bothered

-Can be a pretty flirty person

-Going off to college together

-Doing pretty much everything together

NSFW

-There is never a time you and Vada will have serious sex

-This girl is full of humor, she’ll make all kinds of jokes when intimate

“Dude! You have huge tits.”

“Vada-”

“There like literal melons”

-Preferring Vanilla sex most of the time

-making love to each other makes you both feel alive again

-I could see her as a switch

-Skin to skin the entire time

-Secretly loves your boobs

-Probably doesn’t shave much down there cause she’s scared she’ll hurt herself, you don’t mind though and you offer to help her

-Making sure her family isn’t home and won’t be home till late when having sex at her house

-She looooves shower sex

-One time Vada had gotten you something as a gift….it was a strap-on

“Vada where the hell did you get that? You’re broke.”

“Nick bought it for me.”

“😦”

-Loves to use the strap-on on you, claims she wants to “breed” you even though she can’t (you think it’s hot though-)

-Took her a while to understand how to please someone but it’s okay

-Makes you suck on her strap

-Always wanting to take off your clothes for you

-I’d say for her first time (in this she doesn’t fuck Mia) she was pretty good

-You guys could go in for hours if her parents weren’t home so often

-Almost getting caught

-Attempting to have sex in the school bathrooms to make her less scared

-High sex

-Quite the begger

-Anytime you have sex it’s always soft and at a good pace (unless you have 10 minutes before her mom gets home)

You’ve got Vada wrapped around your finger that’s for sure

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heyyy

This seemed quick to write I hope it’s alright

Cairo will be next since you guys tied Vada & Cairo (You sillies)

[dianneking]

Breaking the Silence (Larissa/Reader)

Summary: You cannot bear the silence that surrounds your rendezvous with Larissa, you need to know where you stand with each other. But there might not be any coming back once the silence is shattered…

Tags: Angst with a happy ending (finally back on my turf), emotional hurt/comfort, mentions of sexual situations (nothing graphic), swearing, miscommunication, pining, gender neutral Reader, present tense.

Words: 1688 - AO3 link here or in title below.

Breaking the Silence

You look at her sinuous shape, languidly draped on her couch; at her half-lidded eyes; at the way her legs are slightly parted, in a wordless invite. Normally, you’d take that offering, you’d rush to be there where she wants you. But today that is not enough for you.

Today you want answers. 

“What are we even doing, Larissa?”

The change is sudden. In a fraction of a second, you can see her walls climbing back up, the sensual, alluring smile falling off her face, leaving the polished mask of Principal Weems behind. Not Larissa. She only was there when she was fucking you.

“What do you mean?”

Suddenly all of your bravado seems to leave your body, and you start shaking. You’ve never talked about it. The two of you never acknowledged this thing going on between you.

The first time it had happened almost by accident. You two had been arguing over something you couldn’t even remember anymore. Something to do with funding, or your lesson plans maybe. One moment you were on opposite sides of her table, staring daggers at each other – each too stubborn to concede their point –, the next her hand had grabbed you by the collar and her mouth had crashed against yours, hard, demanding, relentless.

The rushed lovemaking that had followed had been much of the same. Quick, rigorous, tough. Just like her. Once it had ended, the both of you had tidied up your clothes in silence, and in silence you had left her office, the thrum of gratification beating deep in your heart. At that time, you didn’t need words to be satisfied, you were content just with the spark of passion between you two.

Neither of you gave a name to the hungry kisses you two shared after that, to the way she pressed you against the wall when you were supposed to go over the budgeting, hands instead fumbling to get to your skin through the layers of clothing. Neither of you even acknowledged that it happened.

You didn’t talk about it the first time you kneeled between her thighs, her hand tangled in your hair guiding you without words. Not a word about the time she returned the favor.

But as time went by you started feeling antsy. You stole glances at her, noticing how beautiful she was when she allowed herself to give up control for a handful of moments. How her head was thrown back, exposing her long, pale neck, how her forehead corrugated more and more until with little more than a sigh she let go, her face went slack with contentment and relaxation and when she opened her eyes there was a small spark of euphoria dancing in the blue depths.

You fell irrevocably in love with her.

For a while that was enough, too. You were in love with her, and you had the privilege of having these moments with her. Surely, surely that could be enough for you, right? You didn’t have to rock the boat, you didn’t have to break the silence.

Except time passed and then you had to, love choking you up worse than any hand ever could.

You had to, because you felt like you were going insane keeping those three little words unsaid when they were all you could think of when you were with her.

You had bitten your lips one time too many, and there was no way you could keep going if all it was to her was simply a way to blow off some steam.

“It’s been six months of…whatever this is, and we have never talked about it.”

You can see she’s angry. You broke the routine the two of you had. The silent routine of seduction. You stopped the game and she’s not in control anymore. She hates that, you know it all too well. Even when she gives up control when you are together, it has always been on her terms and her terms alone. She doesn’t like to be blindsided like that. She glowers at you, a silent command to give this up before it all blows up in your face. You ignore the warnings, jaw jutting out in a show of a defiance you don’t feel.

“You never seemed to mind that.”

“Things have changed.”

“How so? Why the sudden need to stir the pot? Have you had enough of this? Bored already? Tired of our little game?” You know she’s just lashing out defensively but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

“I want more.”

Silence welcomes your muttered sentence. A silence that feels cold, unwelcoming.

“I beg your pardon?” she emphasizes every word, spitting them out like venom.

“I cannot do this anymore…I want more.” You try to explain, frustrated at how difficult it is to put your feelings into words now that you finally picked up the courage to speak. If that even counts as speaking - you yourself can hardly hear your own broken voice over the thundering rhythm your heart is beating in your chest.

She presses her lips together, and you can see the fury in the way her nostrils flare, in the way her eye that were already unforgiving, now harden into flint, eyebrows knitted downwards in a frown. Her hand shakes slightly as she slowly unfurls it from her side, extending the whole arm to point in the direction of the door.

“Get out.”

You stay where you are, as if rooted in place, and you stare at the way outrage spills over her face. She’s still so beautiful even when she’s mad at you. You think you can see a deep flicker of hurt within her eyes, too. Hurt at losing her plaything? Her fuck buddy? Whatever you had been for her? You don’t know.

She curls her fingers around the empty wine glass and you only have a split second to realize what she’s about to do before it comes hurtling towards you. You duck, more out of instinct than out of any rational thought.

The glass crashes against the wall behind you, and over that sound comes Larissa’s snarl, more cutting than the shards behind you: “You want more? Go! There’s the whole world for you! Get the fuck out and get whatever else I couldn’t give you.”

Hearing her swear shakes you more than her throwing her glass at you has.

Well.

You have gotten your answer. It’s her hand, once again pointing towards the door. Not much space left for interpretation anymore. No more wondering about how she might feel. That’s what you wanted, right?

Then why does if suddenly feel so hard to breathe? Why does it feel like one enormous glass shard has lodged itself in the middle of your chest? You heart got broken. Just like the silence did. Just like the glass. You curse yourself for not being able to settle for what you had, for stupidly craving more, for bringing this up on yourself.

But since breaking the silence is what brought you here, you might as well spit it all out before you go.

What do you have left to lose after all?

The only sound in the room is the slight panting of Larissa’s rage, and your whisper resonates louder that you thought it would, carrying your deepest secret out in the open.

“It’s you.” You take a deep breath, and feel it rattle in your chest as you try to put what you feel into words “It was you that I wanted. All of you, not just the physical part. I wanted to be able to hold you, and kiss you tenderly and hold your hand and take you on dates. I wanted…I wanted to be able to tell you that I love you.” You fight against the tears welling up in your eyes. There’s going to be time to cry later. There’s going to be time to recriminate and overanalyze where everything went wrong. You just need to cut your losses before Larissa throws something worse than a glass at you.

Not that it would hurt more than your broken heart.

“So yes, I’ll go. But I won’t be able to find what I want in the world outside. Because it was yours to give.”

You don’t look at her after that. You don’t want her to see the first tears finally overcoming the barrier of your eyelashes and come barreling down your cheeks. You have been pitiful enough. Needy enough. You turn towards the door, finally. The few steps that separate you from the wooden panel feel like miles upon miles but you force your body to take those steps, rigidly, almost mechanically.

The brass handle is cold under your touch.

“Wait.”

You cannot interpret what the intonation of Larissa’s voice means. It’s not the angry snarl of before that’s for sure, but apart from that? Could be anything and everything at the same time.

You stop, but you don’t turn, choosing to stare at the patterns formed by the knots in the wood in front of your nose. They are all wobbly because of the tears that keep silently pouring out of your eyes. You listen to the clacking sound of her heels on the wooden floor with the scared resignation of people on a death sentence.

You don’t know what you expected –  but her arms coming to wrap around you from behind is definitely not it.

You jump, as if electrocuted, your brain and your heart scrambling to make sense out of this, while your body is torn between tensing up in fear and allow itself to relax in her embrace.

And what an embrace it is.

In all these months, Larissa has never hugged you, and you only now realize how much you’ve been missing out. Her bigger, soft body presses against your back, and you are completely cocooned in the warmth emanating from her arms. Her forehead comes to rest in the crook of your neck, in a show of weakness that she had never allowed herself to show before.

“I want you, too. All of you.”

Liked it? You can find all of my other works tagged in my fanfiction masterlist! or on my AO3 profile, DragonMist.

[phoenixkaptain]

Thinkin about Su Xiyan, Tianlang-jun, and Luo Binghe again…

Su Xiyan who was forced into doing things and who desperately didn’t want to betray Tianlang-jun and who drank poison so she could see him again and warn him only to find out that she was far too late. And she gave birth to a little baby boy and instead of tossing him overboard into the water or letting him freeze, she wrapped him in her own robes to send him down the river. She must’ve been hoping he’d live, right? She must’ve been desperately longing for her child to live. She must’ve been so tired. She looked back on those times when she and Tianlang-jun would tease and flirt with each other and despite everything, she must’ve felt so terribly, terribly alone.

Tianlang-jun, who begins as a legitimately almost pure-hearted maiden. He likes to bounce around the human realm and play their songs and read their stories and spend way too much money until he’s broke. And he falls so hard for Su Xiyan. He falls so hard for her, to the point that he brings her up constantly and he asks Zhuzhi-Lang whether or not he’s handsome and he trusts her and trusts her and trusts her… only for everything to be torn apart. Only to be buried under a mountain and stuck thinking that Su Xiyan is the one who caused all of it. Barely even able to mourn for everything he’s lost.

It isn’t like the world is kind to them after everything. Tianlang-jun is painted as a monster who was on the verge of storming the human realm. Su Xiyan is badmouthed the moment people find out that she was pregnant with Tianlang-jun’s child. No matter what she does, she can’t win. If she betrayed her sect for Tianlang-jun, then she was a traitor who was seduced by a demon. If she betrayed Tianlang-jun for her sect, then she was a horrible mother and terrible woman. If she tried to kill her unborn child, she’s unfit to be called a woman. If she tried to save him, she brought an unholy abomination into the world. She just can’t win.

And of course Luo Binghe’s supposed to be tragic. Of course his story is supposed to be sad. But he’s so desperate for any hint of affection and he’s told to his face that he’s an unholy abomination and his father doesn’t seem to care about him and his mother tried to abort him and it’s so easy to feel all alone. It’s so easy for him to feel like he doesn’t fit anywhere, because he’s both human and demon, which means he’s neither human nor demon.

The part that always makes me tear up is when Luo Binghe tries to merge the two realms together. He’s so desperate. He’s so broken. He doesn’t know what to do and he only knows that he doesn’t want to be left behind. He says that nobody has ever chosen him. He says that it would be fine even if Shen Qingqiu hated him, as long as he didn’t toss him aside.

And it’s awful! This family is awful! It’s so sad! It’s too sad! Su Xiyan chose Luo Binghe before anyone else did. Su Xiyan chose to save him, chose to try and keep him warm and dry. Even at the cost of her own life, she chose him! And she chose him because she loved Tianlang-jun! She basically poisoned herself trying to keep the only thing she had left of Tianlang-jun alive! Tianlang-jun says that Luo Binghe looks like her. Tianlang-jun can’t even be angry or sad when he mentions her, he just goes blank, until he finds out that she really wanted to save him and he can’t help but love her all over again! Tianlang-jun looks at Luo Binghe and Luo Binghe is proof that Su Xiyan loved him!

Luo Binghe realizes that he hurt Shen Qingqiu and he’s more than horrified. All he’s ever wanted to do is be strong enough that Shen Qingqiu doesn’t have to get hurt saving him anymore, but all he ever seem to accomplishe is hurting Shen Qingqiu himself. He tries to learn demonic cultivation to get stronger and he gets pushed into the Endless Abyss. He tries to learn spiritual cultivation and Shen Qingqiu dies in his arms. He tries to keep Shen Qingqiu’s body in perfect condition so that he can bring hin back to life, only for the body to be stolen out from under him twice. He asks, again and again, for Shen Qingqiu to choose him, and he never gets chosen.

But, you can’t actually blame Shen Qingqiu. Because all of those scenes of him not choosing Luo Binghe ARE him choosing Luo Binghe! He chooses Binghe and Binghe’s safety everytime, he just never realizes that he himself is necessary for Binghe to be safe. And why would he assume that? He hurt Binghe and he feels like he can’t be forgiven for it, to the point that all of his suffering is him punishing himself.

Luo Binghe in the wedding extra asks Shen Qingqiu to marry him and he’s so nervous beforehand that he literally trips. He stutters. And even after he asks, he tells Shen Qingqiu not to answer, because he can’t listen to the answer, he can’t listen to Shen Qingqiu turn him aside again and he contents himself with thinking that even if they aren’t married, Shen Qingqiu has indulgently allowed him to follow wherever he goes, and that’s enough.

So when Shen Qingqiu does say yes, it’s emotional. He’s shocked. And even as he pulls out all the stops for the “wedding,” I don’t think Luo Binghe is actually convinced that Shen Qingqiu meant it until the next day, when Shen Qingqiu calls him “Husband” without even being asked. I think that’s the moment it hit him. Shen Qingqiu chose him.

We start the novels by hearing a basic outline of PIDW, which starts with Su Xiyan choosing Luo Binghe. We end the novels with Shen Qingqiu choosing Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe finally, finally understands what it feels like to be loved.

Meng Mo and the Huan Hua Palace Master want Luo Binghe as their student because he’s powerful and capable and, in the Palace Master’s case, he reminds him of Su Xiyan. His wives, it’s somewhat strongly implied, mostly wanted him for sex and what he could do for them. Nobody ever really befriends Luo Binghe at any point. He’s always standing apart from others. He’s never part of the Huan Hua disciples and he stands out amongst the Cang Qiong sect disciples and he stands out among demons and he stands out among humans and

And he finally stands with Shen Qingqiu. He’s finally not alone. He’s finally someone’s first choice. He finally feels like someone’s first choice.