#NOT that this is necessarily like... healthy behavior but it is common. also it's a classroom management nightmare iruka is so strong fr

[librauzumaki]

oftentimes, when people talk about naruto and sasuke (and not even within the context of shipping), their main criticism of their friendship is that they spend most of their time arguing with each other and being rude to each other, but i'll say this: those people have never spent any significant amount of time with children because WITHOUT FAIL the kids that argue most are the ones that are the most obsessed with each other. kishimoto may have been goofy stupid with a lot of shit, but he was spot on with the dynamics of seven year old boys

[centralkvetchmonolith]

This page from Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price is a great example of why I can't stand Price's writing. Validating autistic existence (and complaining about how autistic behavior gets pathologized) is eminently possible without lying/swinging hard into the opposite absolutes.

Not only does he say "completely harmless" about behaviors that have readily identified harms, he labels common autistic behaviors (which should absolutely be understood, & contextualized as part of human experience) as "healthy", which at its most innocuous is saying that these behaviors are present in otherwise unremarkable autistic people but which I interpret to mean he believes these are *necessarily euadaptive* behaviors. The absolutism of "complete[ness]" and necessity has no place in serious writing about psychology.

Anyway that's the point I wanted to make, but here are some specifics about how these normal and understandable behaviors (many of which I exhibit) aren't harmless:

1) Not noticing surroundings can be super dangerous! Not noticing that people are trying to talk to you is mildly inconvenient (which is a harm)!

2) *Needing* to know what to expect implies that being thrust into an unfamiliar situation w/o information causes distress irrespective of the actual contents of the situation. That's a harm (despite merely being an extreme version of a universal part of human experience)!

3) The more rigid a structure is, the more catastrophically and frequently it breaks. Rejecting deviations often means rejecting necessary activities like eating, or like leaving a dangerous situation.

4) Taking a long time to fully respond to a question is fine. Giving no sign that you're considering — or have even heard — the question is distressing to yr conversational partner. I highly recommend going "hmm" or cocking yr head to the side when you think about things, if this is true of you.

5) Taking information into consideration is a healthy behavior. It is physically impossible to know literally all information about a decision. Depending on your definition of "all", this behavior may lead to spinning your mental wheels while never making an actual decision, which mad sucks to experience and to cooperate with.

6) Alexithymia (i.e. not knowing how you feel) also sucks to experience! Just because you can't name or even identify the existence of a feeling doesn't mean you don't have it! Like the other behaviors I've mentioned, alexithymia has no inherent moral weight.

Anyway! I love being autistic, and wouldn't choose otherwise even if I could, but some parts of it are maladaptive even when the only other people you interact with are also autistic, and I wish Dr Price would acknowledge that.

[luffy-is-aroace]

Do you have the source in which Luffy was confirmed aroace? I’m making a project on the ace and aro communities that includes a list of aro, ace, and aroace rep in media and I can’t find where it was confirmed, but I hear everyone say he is. Thank you.

luffy is very very much aroace coded but neither he nor the author have ever directly said the words "luffy is asexual" - one piece's canonical queer rep is limited to transgender characters

that being said, here's the relevant passages, and some context if its needed:

in chapter 516/episode 411, luffy stumbles across boa hancock, the worlds most beautiful woman, in the bath. she has an ability to turn people to stone when they feel some amount of "love, lust, or adoration" to her; ie. when they are attracted to her. heres how it goes:

this is the first time hancock meets a man who isnt affected by her power. it basically suggests that, by not turning to stone, hes not attracted to her at all.

eventually, she develops a crush on him, and she wants to marry him, which he outright rejects (chapter 598)

in regard to the "mero mero" moment, a fan noticed a discrepancy, and asked the author about it in the SBS corner from volume 54. luffy had previously responded to the naked body of a woman the way all the other guys did. oda decided to blame it on luffy imitating his friend

"That's not the Luffy we know." "When Luffy is alone, his reaction is what it was with Hancock. He's interested, but he's not entranced by her." Luffy acting in a certain way because Usopp does - going along with the mood of the moment, or performing, or however you want to say it - feels awfully aspec to me. It's definitely a common aspec experience to try and force yourself into amatonormative - or, in this case, I guess allonormative? - behavior.

In the SBS for volume 88, oda was asked about why luffy called a woman a "beauty" at one point. The response:

Luffy understanding physical attractiveness as a classification, understanding it but not caring about it - that suggests he probably doesn't experience aesthetic attraction (appreciating someones appearance, disconnected from sexual/romantic attraction). this definitely speaks to my experience as an aroace individual.

also, this isnt necessarily evidence for luffy specifically, but moreso a general answer - in the SBS for volume 34, oda was asked if there would be romance between the main characters, and he brushed it off:

my impression, personally, is that Oda is generally fairly uninterested in pursuing any romantic relationships between his main characters.

in conclusion, I personally feel like the evidence here suggests that luffy is aroace, or at least aspec, given some of Oda's wording (which is probably a little up to interpretation, given it's been translated from japanese). His answer in volume 54 has always felt like a retcon to me, like Oda only came to a conclusion of sorts on this when Luffy met Hancock, and had to go back and find some reasoning for why Luffy would have responded that way. Luffy, more than anything, wants to have an adventure, and romance and sex aren't part of that for him.

I'm not gonna try to police how people view Luffy. it's not healthy for me to do that - luffy and his aroaceness is something that's very very personal to me and itd be way too messy. In addition, in the past I've had people point out that this evidence would only necessarily suggest luffy isnt attracted to women, and he could be gay; I personally don't see him that way, and I seriously doubt Oda would make that choice in canon, but people can do what they want. I think, however, it's pretty telling that a lot of aroace and aspec people see themselves in him.

This morphed into something of a modern take on my thesis here instead of just answering your question; sorry about that. I'd be interested to see your project when you're done, if you're able and willing to share!

[banes-favourite]

How do you think Gortash coped with the HoH, healthy mechanisms or otherwise? And do you think anyone there was ever nice/decent to him (Korilla? Hope?)? Or was it just everyone being awful all the time?

Man I think he'd have such a hard time coping with what was happening to him. I mean, he went there as a child and was basically forced through so much trauma without having the slightest bit of emotional regulation. No one taught him how to cope so he had to figure it all out by himself.

For healthy mechanisms, I think his most visited one would be his talking to himself. Not much to do when you're locked in a cell, too scared to sleep in case you're woken up and beaten for no good reason, so I think he stayed up a lot. He learned to speak with himself, talk about his feelings, his day, like keeping a diary inside his head. It helped him regulate his emotions and work through them, also making sure he never forgets his ultimate plan of escape and fall victim to the given-up behavior all the other debtors and prisoners have. He'd also steal paper and supplies to begin working on his first sketches for machinery, which also helped in keeping him sane.

For unhealthy ones, he definitely learned to hit himself in order to distract from the pain and regain some sense of control (shameless promo about my fic regarding this very idea). It's a common theme I've found around regularly abused people, it helps release the pent-up frustration you have towards your abuser that you can't release in any other way, especially not against them. He'd punch his head and claw at his forearms the most, I think, but he'd also get creative if his feelings of rage were necessarily huge.

I do think there were people that were nice to him, I explained more on another ask. Hope was particularly a God-sent as their talks were the only thing keeping him grounded. She was really nice to him, even warning him about Raphael/Nubaldin's arrivals, so she saved his ass quite a lot.

Korilla,, I can't see her being nice to him idk. At best, she ignored him, at worst, she mocked him for his being there.

Also that skeleton guy you find next to the dinner table? Yeah I think he'd be nice to Gortash too, sharing stories of old about his time back on Faerun.

[hms-no-fun]

one thing i'm curious about is if you're currently reading / drawing inspiration from any other contemporary HS fanworks. i know KITTYQUEST just dropped its epilogue like less than a week ago, so it's definitely a big era for Homestuck Fanworks That Have Jade Harley Have Kids lmaoooo

i may talk a big game about how you can't hope to substantively discuss what homestuck *is* without also examining its fanworks, but unfortunately i am myself woefully under-read and out of date. i kinda stopped reading homestuck fanworks after 2020 because. well. at the risk of getting into the weeds of fandom drama. all the ones i really liked stopped updating when the fandom environment turned from passively toxic to aggressively poisonous, and there was at least a 50/50 chance that the creator of any given active fanwork was either with or supported the group of people who wielded that poison.

that feeling is far less prominent now but i am still skeptical any time a new homestuck fanwork gets popular. they have to pass a litmus test first: is this person shitty or weird about the epilogues/hs2? they don't have to have liked either work necessarily, they just have to acknowledge that those works exist, have influence, and are worth talking about, even if they personally don't want to do the talking. god this all sounds so petty, but people lost jobs over what happened. i don't think i can have a positive interaction with anyone who is simply unwilling to have an in-depth conversation about the contents of a text without feeling the need to pass objective moral judgments at every turn, nor do i think i will get much out of the fanworks such a person might produce. so i save us all the trouble and don't bother!

that said, i quite like Kittyquest. i'm way behind on it though, as i am on everything. that Kitty showed up not too long after Yiffy actually inspired me to create Edie, because i love the idea of "Jade's Daughter" being this extraordinarily flexible archetype. it feels like kind of a combo-breaker considering how rigid homestuck's archetypes typically are. i also very much admire Kittyquest's commitment to fleshing out the culture and history of Earth C, especially in the ways it seems to deliberately break from what we've seen of it in post-canon. the lack of worldbuilding the epilogues is one of its biggest weaknesses in my opinion, so i always like it when a story tries to pick up that slack. the artstyle being so divorced from homestuck's yet still somehow indebted to it really encouraged me to try different things with the types of images we started putting into godfeels. what i love about post-canon broadly is just how varied it is artistically, stylistically. i think it's good and compelling and healthy that so much art in this space is willing to play with these things in such constructive ways.

the other contemporary fanwork that really has influence on godfeels is Vast Error. which i am also behind on. but Snowbound Blood is a personal favorite whose tone (at its best) matches the vibes i'm going for in 3.2. the biggest i guess Thing for me wrt Vast Error is how different its universe engine session is from what we saw in homestuck. its logic, its mechanics, its purpose-- the whole thing is so alien, and yet it has Prospit and Derse, it has Spades Slick and other such guys, it has Skaia, so there's clear continuity. if we imagine the universe engine as a procedurally generated video game, these commonalities suggest that there are stable constants in the formula. it was that alongside all the other wildly different fansessions on MSPFA that started the gears turning which would eventually lead to the EWL. the idea of an organization of castoffs from the infinite fanontinuum of alternate sessions, who study the constants and variables across countless UE instances and build squads of sailors who specialize in particular behavioral clusters. oh this session has an overpowered Jack making it unviable? send in the Jills, they'll show him what's what.

i guess if there's a thread here it's that i'm most inspired by what metatextual trends suggest about the hypothetical Ultimate Self of any given homestuck narrative convention. i'm not saying that's a good thing but i guess it has worked out okay so far.

i could shout out other fanworks that i haven't read but i think i would rather hear from y'all. what's out there right now? what's good? i should probably catch up

[azura-tsukikage]

Being a witch doesn't necessarily have to be solely about magic or spellcasting; it can also encompass personal development and empowerment. Here are some traits and qualities that may be associated with being a witch who focuses on personal growth and self-awareness:

Self-Awareness: A witch who values self-awareness is in tune with their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. They seek to understand themselves on a deep level and often engage in practices like meditation or journaling to enhance self-awareness.

Personal Empowerment: Empowerment is a central theme for many witches who believe in taking control of their lives. They aim to make informed decisions, set boundaries, and advocate for themselves and others.

Self-Love: A witch who practices self-love prioritizes self-care and self-acceptance. They understand the importance of loving and nurturing themselves, which, in turn, allows them to show love and compassion to others.

Mindfulness: Being present in the moment and practicing mindfulness is important for those who prioritize their mental and emotional well-being. Mindfulness can help reduce stress and increase overall well-being.

Control Over One's Life: Many witches seek to gain control over their lives, not through external magic but through proactive decision-making and actions. This might involve setting and achieving personal goals, managing time effectively, and being accountable for their choices.

Positive Behavior: Positive behavior is another key trait for personal growth. Witches who focus on their behavior strive to cultivate habits and actions that align with their values and lead to positive outcomes in their lives and the lives of those around them.

Insight and Wisdom: Seeking wisdom and insight is a common pursuit among witches. This may involve studying various philosophies, spirituality, and psychology to gain a deeper understanding of the self and the world.

Emotional Resilience: Emotional resilience is the ability to adapt and bounce back from adversity. Witches who value this trait develop skills to cope with life's challenges and emerge stronger from difficult situations.

Boundary Setting: Setting healthy boundaries is essential for maintaining emotional and mental well-being. Witches who prioritize boundary-setting are skilled at defining what is acceptable in their relationships and life.

Personal Growth: Personal growth involves continuous learning and self-improvement. It may encompass developing new skills, expanding one's knowledge, and evolving as a person.

For these witches, they use seen as tools to complement and enhance their already-present self-awareness, empowerment, and overall well-being, rather than a means to fill a void or overcome personal limitations. The focus is on inner transformation and creating a fulfilling and empowered life.

[colderdrafts]

Hi! I love your works and I’m absolutely in love with your Underground Visitor series!!

If you don’t mind me asking, I was wondering who Dren and Morgan would react if the human that came to their world was wholly capable of protecting themselves? Like they came from a different world than the current protagonist, making them a cyborg or something. Basically a reversal of the dynamic, where the human turns out to be even bigger and scarier than the drider haha

This ask mainly comes from the want to protect Dren and his eggies!! Morgan, too, even though they’re such a red flag, I just can’t help but feel like I want to dote on them and protect them XD

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoy! <3

Well, that's certainly one way to turn things around! Reader who can and will give an efficient knuckle sandwich >:)

I think if they were a cyborg or something both of them would be hesitant to approach, unsure if they could still fulfill their role, or if their abilities would even affect them. Depends on how far cyborg..y? they are, I guess. Dren would approach them much the same as normal, casually talking to figure if they're a match or not. Putting out some feelers, so to speak. Morgan would wanna watch from a distance a bit longer to figure out if it's worth the risk.

If they get along and start a relation, Dren would probably be a lot calmer, I think? Knowing that they would be 100% capable of breaking someone's arm from looking at his eggs funny would bring him a lot of peace of mind, lmao. He'd appreciate the advantage that you can shift who's looking after them if necessary - that he doesn't necessarily always have to pick up the fight if they can hold their own just as easily. He'd be hesitant to leave them to it, though. He's still got that overly protective instinct, even if it's not needed. He'd probably be a little worried he's not holding his end of the bargain - that's he's supposed to be defending them- and will want to check in now and then so that's he's not gaining more than he's giving. Other than that, he's pretty much the same, and will want to build a strong and healthy relation with them. Also, please do a sparring session with him. He'd love it as a way of bonding, you'll both benefit from the exercise and it's been a loooooong time since he's had a fun fight.

If they figure they can still affect them, Morgan wouldn't know what to do at first. Being feared and seeming more powerful is one of their main strategies in life to get to their goals. In the beginning they'd up the ante, they're not gonna back down just because the sentry seems to know their way around a fight too. Depending in their behavior, they might actually get in a fight with them. Hell, they might even come to enjoy it. They'll use their abilities to make sure the sentry can't purposely kill them while it's going on, getting close enough to make that effect permanent. If they're stubborn, Morgan might leave them alone for a bit, remaining close but out of sight. They'll patiently wait until the pain of loneliness sets in. They'll probably try and spin the story so that they won't like other common-folk, and vice versa. It's Morgan or no one. Or, if they have those rose tinted glasses and wanna defend Morgan of their own accord, well. They'll be happy to be your partner in crime. Conjoined bloodshed can be a great bonding activity <3

[sodasa-was-taken]

The problem plaguing cishet romance and the biggest advantage queer romance has over it: A sociology of literature analysis on the history and prevalence of the romance genre

I've gotten some feedback where people have expressed that they thought they didn't like romances but later found out they liked queer romances. I thought it would be fun to go over some inherent differences between cishet and queer relationships in fiction and how they came to be. I've chosen to use cishet instead of straight because I want to make it clear that these things don't necessarily apply if someone in a straight romance is confirmed not to be straight, and they definitely don't apply if one or both are trans.

As usual, I hope you enjoy this.

So, what is the biggest problem with cishet romances? Its ubiquity. The type of relationships depicted in those stories wouldn't be half as problematic if they weren't so prevalent. It'd be one thing if a few stories had some questionable, to say the least, relationships portrayed positively. After all, countless stories have some questionable things in them that go unnoticed by the narrative, but that doesn't mean that people who like those stories can't tell that those things aren't commonplace. Nor does it have to mean that there’s any harm in those people believing those things were accurately portrayed. The times this becomes a problem is when the portrayal of something questionable becomes so widespread that people start to think that it's odd for them not to have this thing in their lives or when a popular work inaccurately portrays something that's already poorly understood and highly stigmatized. This, inversely, is also the main argument against setting requirements for one specific story since one story isn't going to change the world, no matter how popular. Storytelling is one of the most collective forms of expression there is, so what really matters is how much effect it has on other storytellers. Not to mention the role fandoms have in normalizing queer identities as someone who has previously been sheltered learns about different people’s experiences through a common interest.

So, how did cishet become so prevalent? Well, for starters, there used to be a time when a man and a woman getting together was seen as a societal obligation, and whether or not the people involved even liked each other wasn't a concern to anyone. There was also some method to their madness, as this sort of arrangement worked quite well for the societal structure at the time. It made sense to create stories where the justification for someone getting together is that they're a boy and a girl because that was the main requirement in the eyes of society. If anything, the stories often portrayed people choosing to marry someone for their personality, which many historians would say wasn't something people did. At least not typically. Though, who's to say? It's a lot easier to find out what people in the past did than why. The bottom line is that cishet relationships were so prevalent in stories because they were stupidly prevalent within society.

Then there’s the way a lot of cishet relationships are depicted in fiction. It tends to imply what a desired relationship should be like, which at best creates unreasonable expectations and sometimes straight up encourages girls and young women to seek out traits in men that ain’t healthy. Some of the most prominent of these are anger issues, controlling behaviors, and possessiveness. This, too, used to serve a function. How good of function that was is debatable, but the point still stands. Portraying these traits as manageable, at the very least, was a way to prepare girls to be married away to someone who might not treat them the best. Stories managed to do this by reassuring them they could tame their new husbands. The whole “I can fix him” mentality evolved from this. Telling someone repeatedly that they can fix someone by making them fall in love with them tends to make them believe it. This somewhat common delusion results from centuries upon centuries of multi-generational gaslighting. Long ago, believing this could be seen as a form of copium since girls at the time usually didn’t have much of a say in who they got promised away to and were stuck with that person until one of them kicked the bucket. Nowadays, in all the places where girls and women, or those perceived as such, ain’t forced into relationships, this mentality causes nothing but trouble. It should go without saying that if someone doesn’t treat others well, they are not relationship material.  

However, it’s worth noting that this has become less of an issue in recent years as there has been a decline in romance in pop culture, particularly in movies. There’s also been a rise in queer romances in more wide-reaching stories, and male/female relationships have gotten healthier depictions. Although a lot of those consist of people who are not straight, so they’re technically queer relationships too. The only place those outdated ideas consistently persist is in stories targeted toward people who are already used to those kinds of depictions.

Speaking of queer relationships, when it comes to fiction, they tend to avoid these issues. So, why is that? Well, for starters, despite what some bigots might say, it’s a lot harder to avoid being exposed to straight attraction than gay attraction. Many commercials are, in particular, needlessly straight. Also, there isn’t a precedent for two people of the same gender or anyone who isn’t perceived as a man and a woman to be obligated to get together. This leads to authors being less likely to either write or be asked to write a queer romance for the sake of it, which means that the romances in stories that feature queer relationships tend to be more deliberate. Then there’s the casual sexism that’s often brushed off in cishet romance that will more than likely come off as odd if it appeared in a romance between two people of the same gender. For example, it’s not too uncommon for one of the main characters in cishet romances to have had some unfortunate encounters with someone of a different gender, and the character does that thing where they think everyone within a group is the same. Try having a female character think that all women cheat without guaranteeing that it’s going to give someone pause. Unfortunately, internalized misogyny is very much a thing, but the point is that it’s not something people are just going to shrug off.

When it comes to how healthy queer relationships are depicted, it varies greatly from story to story, but when these relationships are extremely toxic, it’s rarely done by accident. There might be some cases where people who have internalized that guys show affection by easily getting angry and being controlling and possessive could see a man being abusive to another man and not see a problem with it. The stories themselves rarely seem to depict a toxic relationship as anything other than a toxic one.

Lastly, the main characters in queer romances rarely seem to be reluctant to spend time together. That’s not to say they always like these others from the get-go, but that one of them is more likely to contemplate murder than think about how they’ll have to be in the other’s vicinity for an extended period of time. If one or more of them has something against the other, it also tends to last only as long as it takes for them to get to know each other. These characters quickly grow fond of each other compared to their cishet counterparts. Forget about spending half a novel for one of them to find out they were wrong about the other; it usually takes a couple of conversations at maximum before they start to enjoy each other’s company. It’s not clear why this is, but it is hilarious to think about.

[faramirsonofgondor]

This might be a bit of a controversial take but I genuinely think that James Tartt Sr. continued to sexually abuse Jamie after Amsterdam. Jamie’s experience in Amsterdam was so traumatic he literally represssed most of it (besides the fact that he knows she enjoyed it). He was probably a bit overly paranoid or cautious around older women in general after that. Undergoing such a traumatic experience at that age probably made it hard for him to want to be in any sort of romantic relationship during his teen years (on top of him probably being 100% committed to football). If you look at from the popular opinion that Amsterdam was meant as punishment/conversion because Jamie is queer, then I can definitely see his dad doing something like this over and over and over again until he starts dating a girl on his own. Jamie’s reluctance to be in a relationship would’ve been seen as further proof that Jamie is queer or “soft”. Even if you don’t believe in that headcanon, it still fits in James Tartt Sr.’s behavior to repeatedly have Jamie raped by proxy. Jamie himself said that being forced to lose his virginity was meant to “be a present” so his father could’ve also likely done similar shit whenever he wanted to reward Jamie. Either way, it seems likely that it at least happened more than once. Especially given the casual nature in which Jamie talked about Amsterdam, like it was a normal or common experience for him (even though on some level he knows it was fucked up). Even if James didn’t necessarily arrange for something like that to happen again, he probably pressured Jamie to have sex a lot throughout his teen years so that he wasn’t “soft” and so he could “dominate” and be a “real man”. It probably took Jamie a long time to figure out what a healthy and consensual sexual experience was like and I’m still not even completely sure he does. His relationship with Keeley was mostly centered around sex, which could probably be attributed to a lot things (his age, his career, him not wanting to be vulnerable, etc.) but I think Jamie felt like he had to center most of his relationships around sex and football because that’s what his father made think was important.

Anyways fuck James Tartt Sr. I sincerely hope he rots in hell after being beaten to death with rope soaked in red pain.

[beetlebrownleaf]

big vent. things I’m in a better place to talk about now that I’ve seen a therapist for a little while. mentions of BPD and emotional manipulation under cut.

I decided to say “fuck it” and come back to Twitter because I want to talk to my fucking friends there before it possibly implodes, and I’m scared because I feel like I’m constantly under a microscope everywhere ever since an ex friend pressured me to stay off of social media cold turkey (not possible for me anyways. nothing cold turkey works for me) because they considered me “mentally unsound” and basically tried to armchair diagnose me because I was being interpersonally shitty to them. 

And then they kicked me out of their space when I didn’t comply to said socmed break that they imposed upon me “for my own good”. Yes I was being an asshole, genuinely, but it felt so controlling and weird. As I look back I think they’re just a controlling person. Was I an asshole? Yes. Were they still weirdly controlling in a gross, patronizing way? Also yes. Both can be true.

My first red flag should have been when they asked me how I get my kids to eat more vegetables. I assumed they were babysitting. No. They just invasively thought their roommate wasn’t eating healthy enough I told them that was ultimately not their problem nor their business. 

I was an asshole for getting up their ass about a comment they made that I simply disagreed with, I should have just left it alone because it wasn’t worth it. Yes. I was an asshole for that.

But if you hear rumors I’m a secret closeted bigot and I supposedly think those seeking education and employment is “mindless drone behavior”, hi that was me in my private vent twitter, aka my “this is where my bad brain thoughts that do not necessarily represent my beliefs and feelings”, saying, in a moment of deep mental upset, that I felt like being queer, becoming socially aware, choosing my own lifestyle, and making other queer friends, brought me pain and sometimes I wish I’d have married that lawyer I didn’t love and gone to a school I didn’t want to go to and gotten that job I didn’t want to have to please my parents because it would have “easier”. 

Having times where you wish you were not queer and blissfully socially unaware is an incredibly common Bad Brain Thought for queer people. I am not a fucking bigot for that*. I don’t fucking think education and employment are “mindless drone behavior”. I was wishing, in a moment of mental upset, that I was a mindless drone, aka, someone who just did what their parents told them to do with their lives. When I explained this I was met with a resounding “I don’t believe you, it’s clear you’re still a deeply bigoted religious person and not the liberated woman you claimed to be” as if it’s my fault I failed to live up to expectations I absolutely never gave any impression of. I did escape a more “worldly” form of Evangelicalism. I did not stop being religious. Being queer and being religious are not mutually exclusive.

Anyone who has known me since my fucking beginning here on FFXIV, on Tumblr, even on Twitter, knows that’s bullshit, and from here on out I’m deciding that anyone who believes that is willfully choosing to believe that to make me more of an asshole than I actually am and I want nothing to do with them. 

Basically when I was mad at a comment I perceived as rude (which was, by the way, a comment telling me me and my family’s hypothetical desire for land to farm and garden on -  possibly elsewhere in the South, where I inescapably live unless I move several states away, which is financially unfeasible and separates us from family) - was selfish, unnecessary, and placing my children in direct social and physical harm, so, actually I still think it was fucking rude), I was mentally unsound for being mad at that. And maybe so, I really was an asshole for getting all twisted about it and coming after people for it and I should not have done that, and I know the anger and discomfort I had about it did make me too mentally unsound to speak with them at the time. Fine. I’ll take that L.

But when I make a tweet on my bad brain account that yeah, isn’t worded excellently because it’s where I go to privately vent when I’m upset, aka Mentally Unsound, it’s suddenly an indication of my deep-seated true Closeted Bigot Feelings? Yeah. Okay. Just say I’m an asshole and go tell me to fuck myself like a decent person.

My therapist is pretty sure it is possible that I have BPD after I mentioned it to them. I am financially unable to see her now (my husband’s job changed insurance and we’re not covered anymore, and I can’t afford $100 a week or even every two weeks, so yay), so I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m glad to know I at least have a path moving forward. 

She thinks this is why I kept folding to this friend and going “okay okay I’ll do what you say, you’re right, I was so wrong and thank you so much for your input, otherwise I wouldn’t have seen that I was making a bad decision”. And I am sickened that I did fold because they said “well I’m glad I was able to save your children, at least, I would go through this again and again to save your precious children” fuck off. I can’t believe I let them say that to me.

I can’t do that anymore. I can’t just fold to people because I’m afraid of rejection. I can’t allow myself to be manipulated like that anymore or anyone could harm and take advantage of me, and that really could impact my children’s lives negatively.

I am not going to bend to manipulation anymore, and I am going to allow “I was a shitty person to someone” (because I was! even my therapist said it was a harmful and unhealthy thing to do on my part) and “but this someone was also shitty to me and I am allowed to be hurt by it, and they are wrong about who I am” to coexist.

I’m still scared to exist online because I feel like I’m under a microscope and anything will be used against me, and rightfully so. But I’m not going to disappear to appease anyone. I am not going to adhere to some forced promise that I’ll stay off socmed and stop having fun with my friends.

*addendum: I am not a bigot but I am white and squarely middle class and I understand that may mean I still have things to unlearn as far as racism and classism, and many other forms of bigotry, I would imagine. I am not perfect. But I am not a bigot.

[schizopositivity]

TW: descriptions of unreal beliefs

though i'm not currently diagnosed with any specific psychotic disorder, i am psychotic, and i'm wondering if there's any name or consensus on this experience: sometimes i have these episodes where i feel like something is real, but don't actually believe it. it's not that i'm reality-checked, but just that i never believe it in the first place. however, it still influences my behavior. the best i can describe it is that it's as if i'm subconsciously convinced, but not consciously.

for example, a common mindset is that some paranormal creature (or group of them) is out to get me. during these episodes, i never believe this is actually going to happen, but i'll constantly be prepared to defend myself, become anxious whenever i can't see my full environment (E.G. can't see around a corner, it's dark, etc.), and have to consciously keep myself from screaming whenever i feel in danger (which is often). these episodes can last anywhere from a day to a few months straight.

i don't think these would count as delusions, since i'm never actually convinced of whatever i'm thinking about. it wouldn't be a phobia, since 1), i'm not afraid of paranormal entities outside of episodes, and 2), not all of these episodes involve things that scare me (for example: i also sometimes feel like video game characters are trying to communicate with me; i never think they're trying to communicate anything scary or threatening). it's more than just "healthy imagination," since it does significantly impair my ability to comfortably go through life, particularly when it is fear-inducing.

when i was younger, i had delusions, but i haven't had any in years. nowadays, i tend to have a lot of insight into pretty much all of my mental health problems, so i almost always know when i'm being irrational (which can cause a disconnect between what i believe and how i feel). however, since delusions necessarily involve actual belief in a concept, the same can't apply there, to my understanding. is there a name for these sorts of experiences? or is this just a "me thing?"

remember im not a proffesional, im just one schizophrenic online and this is just my opinion

i think this is could be delusions while double bookkeeping (same beginning to an article about this):

it could also be periods of increased anxiety as anxiety can be irrational and can cause you to act on it even if you dont really believe it

also you dont need a psychotic disorder to experience psychosis, it can occur in anyone

[fqirycollective]

Dear Younger Systems...

The label "System"

Don't be so quick to call yourself a system. OSDDID is a heavily stigmatized disorder and is far from fun. Don't be so quick to give yourself such a stigmatized label. There are many, many disorders to consider before OSDDID, such as anxiety, depression, ADHD, etc. A lot of you are younger than 16, meaning the disorder likely hasn't presented itself very much. However for the other disorders I mentioned, it's much more likely. Not only are they not as stigmatized, but they're much more common and present younger much more often. Being a younger teen specifically leaves you impressionable to being wrong, especially with the identity issues being a younger teen brings. The only disorders often confused with OSDDID that I don't suggest looking at before is personality disorders.

Track your symptoms

For everything good, please track your symptoms!! If you don't experience dissociation and slight identity changes, you aren't a system. Those two things are required, but so many people will assume they're a system because their personality changes around different people. That's called an alter ego!! But you can't know if you experience these things without tracking. Even if you believe you're a system, you shouldn't stop tracking symptoms because you may learn of a disorder that explains your symptoms better.

Don't cling to the diagnosis

This applies to every person who has self diagnosed with something. After diagnosis, you shouldn't cling too much either as there's always possibility to be wrong, but it's even more important with self diagnosis. As I said, as you're younger, you're mlre impressionable and you'll likely give into some type of internal bias easier. Especially if OSDDID is the first disorder you look into. When someone suggests other disorders to look into, research them! I'm not saying you aren't a system, or that you should listen to fakeclaimers. I'm saying you can't be so sure you're a system whenever I try to help you. I've actually had conversations with younger systems that have told me I was downright wrong for suggesting the possibility they weren't systems but maybe instead had another disorder. Please stop being so sure of yourself that you refuse to continue researching, tracking symptoms, and continue to argue with people for saying the facts because you're so attached to a diagnosis that it becomes apart of you. It's not healthy.

Statistics

This is the part that's really going to piss people off. In order to know about your system before the age of about mid to late 16, you would have to be overt as a child, although it doesn't necessarily mean other people have to recognize the overtness as it can be more inwards. Only 6% of *adults* (as most research is in adults) are overt, so the probablity of you being overt as a younger teen is highly improbable. There are some instances where overtness is more likely, such as in C-DID systems as everything is "higher" in them (from observation, I've noticed they've tended to be more overt in childhood but that's obviously not the case for every complex system). If you believe you're a system as a younger teen but aren't overt in the slightest or know everything about your system, especially without professional help, I highly suggest you take a break from the system community. Obviously symptoms won't just get worse on your 16th birthday, they gradually worsen, but as a younger system, it's very unlikely that you will know for sure until you're an adult (as symptoms will have had time to "develop").

Safety

Another part that will piss people off. Source calls aren't safe, even for adult systems. Partner application accounts shouldn't even exist. It's a breeding ground for pedophilia, grooming, and overall abusive behavior because guess what? People can lie. It's also easier to be catfished by a system, in my opinion, as any inconsistancies can be played off as other alters. Not to mention, it's hella romanticizing to use these types of accounts or even make partner applications in general as it lowkey (or highkey) gives off the vibe that "it's a 'disorder' people use to date many other people," which is far from the truth. Sharing any triggers, positive or negative, with people you aren't super close with is dangerous. Sharing your legal name is dangerous, especially if they connect you with being a system with how traumatized you already are. Putting things such as dick/bra sizes, sub/dom, etc. is highly sexualizing and can make it more likely for the things mentioned above. Just practice normal online safety.

Final Thoughts

This post was aimed at systems 15 or younger. This is not a post to fakeclaim, only to educate and help. Do not cling to a self diagnosis of a highly stigmatized disorder at such a young age (or in general). It's very important to keep yourself from doing that. I was that young when I discovered my system, and even with confirmation from everyone close to me except the professionals I work with, I'm still very open to the idea. You have to be some type of overt, to yourself or others, to know at such a young age. Otherwise the symptoms wouldn't be "strong" enough to present properly enough for you to track and line them up. And for the love of god, be safe. I know a couple systems are planning posts on that so I'll leave it to them to elaborate on what I've already said. But remember basic internet safety. As much as we want this to be a safe community, it's not. It's so easy for people to justify bad behavior and blame it on alters.

[honeysunzz]

The difference between Mike and Will’s internalized homophobia

after the one-page script drop yesterday regarding the van scene, it’s easy to take notice that there is more to be unpacked with will as a character, even if it isn’t something we haven’t figured out already. and not to mention mike, who didn’t (suspiciously) have much light shed onto his perspective. so, let’s talk about it!

will is our only canonically gay male character as of now, and i think a lot of people used to gloss over the fact that he does in fact have internalized homophobia just because he has (as well as others) acknowledged his homosexuality, however explicit it may be. will’s sexuality has been very dubious as early as season 1, only just being confirmed recently, without the help of his unsupportive home town and his father in particular. from an early age, his father was already shaming him for his “girlish interests” and calling him names and such. this, accompanied by unkind remarks from classmates throughout his childhood, doesn’t create a healthy outcome for the way will thinks of himself.

will’s experience as a queer person is unfortunately common, which makes the execution of his storyline all the more important. being surrounded by such judgmental and maybe even aggressive views towards queer people is mentally weighing, so it’s no surprise when these negative feelings are turned in on themselves. will’s internalized homophobia isn’t so much about repression, but more of a self-hatred from a lack of inwardly tolerance. will is conscious about his homosexuality, but he accepts societal biases as his own because it’s all he’s known to do. he doesn’t actively try to do anything to make it “go away” while also settling with the idea that he is not allowed to be happy with who he is.

mike is different—while his home life wasn’t necessarily bad, he lacks the emotional support a child requires from the parent(s) (specifically from ted). using context, we can say that his family is inherently conservative so it’s likely he was raised with tainted worldviews (again, mostly having to do with ted). his tendency to bottle up emotions until it all unravels at once is a result of this. naturally, mike keeps these feelings hidden deep down.

unlike will, mike’s internalized homophobia is unconscious, so he represses. heterosexism is another broad term used to describe internally homophobic behaviors, like being unable/unwilling to acknowledge their own sexual orientation and trying to fit heteronormative standards. sound familiar? in a sense, mike moreover “ignores” his same-sex attraction whether he’s aware of it or not. his biases lie a bit more in the “heterosexual = normal” area by a default because it was what he was raised to believe. he should feel ashamed for feeling anything out of the ordinary and that can lead to a fear of others labeling themselves as gay, which then leads to projection (byler rain fight anyone?). he feels threatened but he’s not sure why.

to conclude, the poor boys have fallen victim to society’s rather negative perceptions and have ultimately become stigmatized. someone give them a hug good lord.

[w-ht-w]

MBTI & fantasies of ruling the world

In approximate order of importance... the factors that make you more likely to fantasize about world domination are:

1) Intuitive (high Ni or Ne). Driven by vision or possibilities.

2) Rational (high Ti or Te). Driven by logic or efficiency.

If you're high Si or Se (Sentinels + Explorers), your bias for upholding the status quo or enjoying the present moment make you less likely to fantasize about world domination.

Strategies = style of engaging, differs by social style (introvert/extrovert) & resistance to stress (turbulent/assertive)

Ranges from 40-50%. I.e. Strategies doesn't seem to be a significant predictor for whether a person has fantasies of omniscience / omnipotence.

Confident Individualism: Introvert, Assertive (x)

83% say they’re comfortable breaking rules they disagree with.

Only 29% say they usually mirror the behavior of other people around them.

63% describe themselves as very independent.

56% say that control over their mindset is the most important factor in determining their happiness.

Constant Improvement: Introvert, Turbulent (x)

79% of Constant Improvers say they often dwell on their regrets.

96% of Constant Improvers say they often feel misunderstood.

Constant Improvers’ longing for “something more” extends to their professional lives. This doesn’t necessarily mean that Constant Improvers are in the wrong careers for them – although they might wonder if they are. This restlessness doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, restlessness can be an incredible motivator to do great things. The trouble comes when Constant Improvers feel trapped: wanting to make a change, but suspecting they’re unable or helpless to do so. This feeling can have a number of roots, such as self-doubt or a general worry that other people don’t “get” them.

These personalities are often curious about and sensitive to others’ feelings. This can make them excellent listeners, friends, confidants, and partners.

These personality types often exemplify how sensitivity and vulnerability can be hidden strengths. Their attunement to their own struggles and insecurities can help them to bond deeply with others. It can also motivate them to act with kindness and compassion.

People Mastery: Extroverted, Assertive (x)

75% say they’re good at executing their ideas – more than any other Strategy.

Only 35% of People Masters say they often feel regret.

26% of People Masters say they’re good at attracting new partners – far more than any other Strategy.

91% of People Masters are comfortable challenging their boss’s direction if necessary.

79% of People Masters say they see problems as opportunities. These personality types trust themselves to tackle hard problems – and to gain insight and experience from the process. Ideally, this conviction becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, with People Masters taking on ever harder challenges and learning important lessons along the way.

Social Engagement: Extroverted, Turbulent. (x)

95% agree: helping others boosts self-esteem.

75% prefer love over respect

56% admire their bosses.

45% view fear as something they must overcome. This puts them on par with their Assertive counterparts.

Assertive don't feel they have something to prove (by daydreaming about world domination). Introverts probably feel they would stretch themselves thin.

I'm in my Constant Improvement era right now, striving for People Mastery (Extroverted, Assertive): a state of resting in motion, borne of conviction in my own values and place in the world.

I would say my brother is Social Engagement and Constant Improvement. He waffles between introvert and extrovert, but Turbulence is the common theme, unfortunately.

Assertive vs Turbulent (x)

Assertive personalities dwell less on regrets, feel more confident facing day-to-day difficulties, believe they have a healthy ego, less likely to feel negative emotions when comparing themselves to others. Though, they can also be overconfident/over-optimistic.

Turbulent personalities are more sensitive/focused on negatives (both past, present, and future). Focus on doing things to stave off self-doubt, fear of stagnation. Progress/change may depend on these restless/discontent individuals.

[fbwzoo]

Valuing Short Lives

Lately I've been considering some guilt I've been having over our rats and hamsters. We've lost a number in the past year & it's hard. I keep feeling like maybe we weren't doing enough. Maybe we aren't providing the best possible care if we're not paying to remove tumors. Maybe we're not catching problems soon enough. Maybe we're just not doing enough.

I've talked with Jack, with friends, with myself. I think I'm starting to find some peace over this and I wanted to discuss it. Talking to my friend and seeing some others struggle with it before, I think maybe this is a common guilt for small mammal owners. I have a long rambling line of thoughts but the TLDR point is this:

I think there is sometimes a lot of pressure, from both ourselves and other people, to value small mammal lives by doing whatever we can, by not quitting "too soon", by paying for an expensive procedure because X amount of time is worth any amount of money. I know this is a push back to the sentiment that these animals aren't worth as much due to their short lives, and how small they are. But I don't often see people assured that it's okay to value their lives by considering their comfort, their quality of life, and giving them a quicker, less painful death. And I think that's a really important message too.

If you'd like to read all the points I had connected to this, read on!

- Yes, small mammals should have access to veterinary care. They should have access to a quick peaceful death if at all possible. These two things are true of all pets or animals tended to by humans.

- Rodents live short lives. 1-3 years for a lot of the common pet species. They make wonderful pets for a lot of people, but... that's such a small amount of time compared to human lifespans. It can play tricks on our brains. We feel like we just got them because we kinda did. But they're already entering middle age or old age after only a year. That goes double if you tend to adopt or rescue older animals.

- It's hard to remember sometimes, that sudden downswings or deaths can happen so quickly and it's perfectly normal. Because they have such quick lives, because they hide symptoms, because they're so small that things can get worse quickly. It doesn't necessarily say anything about our care.

- Decision making can get much harder when you have an otherwise healthy, active animal with a tumor or other terminal health issue. How much intervention should you do? What factors weigh into your decision? Money IS a factor for the vast majority of us. It may not always be the main factor or the defining factor, but it is a consideration. This can add to guilt, especially since the narrative that it shouldn't be is often pushed in animal communities.

- I think for small mammals, there are also added complications when you're deciding what to do for treatments, or whether to even do them. Even domesticated rodents like rats & mice are still very much prey species, and small mammals are very susceptible to stress.

- Any medical intervention is likely to cause at least some stress - increased handling, medication side effects, separation from social group, moved from home cage to a smaller or more bare cage, removal of ability to do natural behaviors, etc.

- I think the most important factor to consider, if money is not your deciding factor, is whether intervention is worth it to the animal. Obviously we can't ask them. But the two previous points are things to consider, as well as what the health issue is, how likely it is to return, the age of the animal, and their overall lifespan. Are they going to hopefully have another 6 months or year after a procedure? Is another tumor likely to grow in just a month or two? How likely are complications? How will treatment affect this animal specifically?

- Oddly enough, I think there's a good point that can be taken from the animal research community as well. I work with research animals and an important guideline that goes into approving research protocols is that you can only do one major survival surgery on an animal. Major is anything that goes into a body cavity - abdominal, heart or lung, or brain. Surgery is hard on bodies, especially on small ones. One of the three fundamental goals in animal research is reduction - reduce the number of animals used to get scientifically sound results. But that goal still doesn't take precedence over individual animal welfare.

- It's a lot to consider, especially if there's a sudden issue. It can get overwhelming really quickly. Hopefully you have someone you can talk through everything with - family, friends, partner, online community, a breeder, or your vet. It's okay to not know what to do immediately or to struggle. It's okay to ask for help. It's also okay to have someone else make the call, if you have someone you trust to do that! It can be especially hard to make a rational decision with a special pet or heart animal. My family has & has had animals where we've asked each other to make the final call.

- I guess a lot of what I'm getting at with this post is, it's okay to go with euthanasia over major treatments. Euthanasia instead of a really expensive surgery. It's okay to say goodbye to a pet who would be extremely stressed by what help we could try to give.

So that all leads to my main point given above:

I think there is sometimes a lot of pressure, from both ourselves and other people, to value small mammal lives by doing whatever we can, by not quitting "too soon", by paying for an expensive procedure because X amount of time is worth any amount of money. I know this is a push back to the sentiment that these animals aren't worth as much due to their short lives, and how small they are. But I don't often see people assured that it's okay to value their lives by considering their comfort, their quality of life, and giving them a quicker, less painful death. And I think that's a really important message too.

If you read through all of that, thank you, I appreciate your time & effort. I hope maybe this will give someone something to think about, and that maybe it'll help someone else. I know a lot of this applies to bigger animals as well, but I think it can hit even closer for small mammal people, because we have to cope with it so much more often.

[motsimages]

Green flags for adult-minor interaction

I have seen a couple of posts to get minors alert to notice possible grooming online. It is necessary to be aware of that and I always reblog them. However, I also believe that it is healthy for children and teenagers to have adults they can trust outside of their family. For one, maybe the family is abusive or not good for them for whatever the reason. But also, even if the family is a good one and the relationship is good, it is also positive to have other role models outside of it, other people to whom you can speak about things you don't want to tell to your mother.

So here is a list of Green Flags for minors when speaking with adults:

1- They will always follow your lead. They won't ask you personal questions about your life or your family out of the blue and they won't force you to speak about it if you don't want to. They may give their POV if you tell them, but they won't dig for more details than you are comfortable sharing. They will also stop you if you get confused or say something intrusive (more on this later).

1- You speak about hobbies and personal interests. If you share a hobbie, that will be the main topic of conversation. For instance, if you are taking drawing lessons and you get along with an adult there, they may comment what you both draw, comment on the teacher and the way the class goes, speak about art and exhibitions, etc. If it is online, let's say, in a fandom, you will mainly bond about characters, plotlines and fandom related stuff. They will show interest in your opinion and POV about the hobbie/common ground but they won't move outside of it, nor will they use it as an excuse to get information you otherwise wouldn't share.

3- Related to this one: they will respect the figures of authority you have in your life, even if they are not ideal. They won't put you against them or create conflict between you and your family when you are in an emotional or vulnerable situation, they will always mediate between your feelings and the authority your parents have. Let's say you are angry at your mom because she did something you didn't like. You may want to tell somebody and you tell this person. Because your mom is your figure of authority, they may say "Well, I understand how you feel, it's a pain in the ass but mothers are busy and tired sometimes, she wasn't nice about it, but she didn't mean harm, remember to be patient with her too". If your mom is actually an abusive person, they may let you know that this is not normal or desirable behavior but, unless your life is in immediate danger, they also won't present themselves as The Solution. They may invite you to set boundaries for yourself ("She shouldn't have read your diary, you can tell her that you don't want her to do that. Hide your diary somewhere where she won't look"), to ask for help at your school ("Find the school counselor and see if they can set a meeting with your mother or get social services involved") or to find other help, but not necessarily themselves or not themselves alone. Abusive families are tricky and, unless your life is an immediate risk, often it's riskier to get involved for both of you and can worsen the situation.

4- They will probably use some kind of public communication. Maybe you only speak when you meet in class and out in the street. Maybe you only speak on the discord channel where other people share the same fandom. Even if it is a "secret" conversation (a private chat), it will be in a bigger channel, not a hidden room. Unless it is a real risk for you, they will want to know your parents and that your parents know them (at least, from reference, maybe even in person) and only then they will give you a more personal / direct contact, if at all.

5- Related to that one, they will avoid making plans just the two of you, generally speaking. If there is a plan that only involves the two of you, it will probably follow all the other green flags: it is about a shared interest, with the informed consent of your parents or other people you trust, for a reasonable amount of time and following your lead/your parents' lead. If you don't want to tell your parents because of your family situation and they know this, they will make the situation as safe as possible for you and for them (again, public place, other people knowing about it or even present, etc.)

6- If they notice you are getting confused about the nature of the relationship, or if you are getting more eager for whatever the reason, they will inform you about it and set a boundary. They will not use the feelings or confusion you have for them in their favour.

7- Maybe you want to ask questions about sex. Again, following point 1, they will follow your lead. They will not bring up sex in conversations, they will not ask you personal questions about your sex life further than "do you have a crush on someone?" (and even that, rarely). They may answer your questions, they may offer you information you lack or refer you to other resources. They may also set boundaries if you over-step ("Well, this is not a conversation I want to have with you, it's too personal/you are too young for this chat, come back in a couple of years", for instance).

8- They will sincerely apologise if they misunderstood something and will stop doing it if you ask them too, no negotiation.

In short, they will treat you like a person, but they will know at all moments that you are younger and that they are responsible for your well-being. They won't be patronising but they also won't make you forget the social hierarchy and power imbalance. Read this post for a real life example of adult-child friendship in fandom.

As for me: when I was a teenager, my parents met a comic artist and thought it would motivate me to explore my artistic side to be in touch with him. He was probably in his 30s. We wrote letters to each other that my parents never checked but they knew him (they gave him our address), and he knew them. The letters were mainly comics he drew or I drew, he would reply to my comments about school and have a general interest in my life. We eventually lost contact but it was a tiny space of life outside of high school for me.

There were also friends of my parents (usually women) with whom I sometimes went on an excursion or joined in for conversation. Very rarely there was just the two of us, even if we had our own private conversation. Maybe there were other people sitting with us, or we were in the street in an area I knew well. Often, this wasn't done on purpose but it happened like that.