#Not even for credit I'd just love to read this and suffer :)

[kimmiessimmies]

Personal post

This will probably be the most non-Sims related post I've put on this blog ever. I'll put most of it under a cut, so you can choose whether or not to read it. The thing is, I could use some advice. And asking strangers from all over the world advice on something important might be weird, but you are also my community, so I value your opinions. Don't worry, this isn't a "Kim being depressed" kinda post. 😉 It's a work thing.

Upfront: This post is about me being unhappy in my current well-paid job and my search for something that makes me happy. It might come across sounding a bit entitled, since I know there are many people who would be happy to have any job, just so they can pay their bills. I'm sorry if this post triggers that, and I know I'm privileged to even be in this situation. ❤️

TL/DR: Do I stay in a well-paid, secure job that doesn't bring happiness and actually negatively affects my mental health because of it? Or: Do I take the plunge into the unknown and give up the securities I have now for something that could potentially (but not guaranteed) not only make me happy but bring me opportunities as well?

Okay, here's the deal. Currently, I work in education. I've been teaching for 19 years, and for the last 3 years, I've held the position that best translates to special needs coordinator at the school where I've been all of my working life. In short, my job entails making sure the teachers have the tools they need to help all kids in their classes with special educational needs, to make sure each child ends up in the right form of education fitting their needs and dealing a lot with difficult or even alarming home situations. My job can be rewarding at times, and challenging at others. Aside from this, I've been part of the management team at my school for almost 8 years. I work at a big school. It wasn't big when I started there, but it's big now. I have a degree in Early Childhood Education, and that's also the age group I've always dealt with. It's the age group I've always taught, and it's the age group currently under my supervision in the position I'm now.

This past year, I've struggled with my mental health, as I've mentioned before, and have not been at work fully for a while. My therapist and I established that while work is "okay", it's also not bringing me joy anymore while my job was once the happiest and most passionate thing I did. Right now, it's blah. This position is not one that really suits me, yet I don't want to go back to teaching either. I've been there, done that. Add to that the fact that, come September, my boss requires me to change my position slightly. I'd be doing the same thing I do now, but for an older age group. This has given me a lot of stomach aches, because the thing that still drives me to do my job now is the fact that I'm doing it geared towards the youngest kids in school.

All in all, the job is not bringing me happiness in the slightest anymore. Having said that, I know a lot of people do jobs that don't make them happy, but it pays the bills, so let's suck it up and just do it. Which is fine, I can do that too, except my mental health suffers...

However, there are a few good things about this job too:

The pay is really good

I have lovely colleagues

I have a lot of credits here because I've been here for so long. They know my worth

I have a very understanding boss who's been nothing short of wonderful during my depression

(If you're still with me, thank you for reading this essay all the way, it's appreciated 💗)

My therapist asked me, "If money weren't a factor, what would you be doing?" My answer was "write." More specifically, I just want to stay home all day and work on ATOH, but no one is going to pay me for that. 😄 So, write, or do a job in which writing plays a role. So, she advised me to start looking for jobs that fit that description. It was a rather depressing search. Most jobs that came close to what I'd like to do require degrees or diplomas I don't have.

And then I suddenly stumbled upon something: Assistent Project Manager at a small, but well established company that creates educational projects (usually based on children's books), books and materials geared towards early childhood education in particular, and currently expanding to do the same for education to older kids as well.

I felt like I had found the holy grail. This is writing, this is editing, this is being creative, this is working with authors, but it's also closely related to early childhood education, the thing I know so well. Despite still being semi depressed, I felt like I needed to at least give this a shot. So, I wrote a letter, enclosed my resume, and waited. I didn't have to wait long, because a few days later I got an invite for an interview.

I went for the interview and was welcomed at a small and very homely office space (with an office cat!). We had a good talk and I left happy. They invited me to do a "trial day" with them, which is what I'll be doing today. They've had a lot of applicants for this position, but from the contact we've had since, it seems like I stand a good chance.

Sounds like a no-brainer? Perhaps, unless you have my brain... Because there are doubts:

Pay. This job pays quite a bit less than my current one. I'm a single parent and therefore sole breadwinner in my household. Currently, I make quite good money because I've been in this job for a long time and hold a relatively high position in the organisation. We can pay the bills, go on holidays, and even splurge occasionally (for example, the very pricey laptop I bought a few months ago). With this job, I would still make enough to pay the bills and go on holidays, but I will need to keep an eye on the money, and there won't be splurging for a while. I do know this sounds like a luxury problem to some.

Job security. In my current job, I'm under a fixed contract. Basically, unless I royally fuck up, I can't be fired. With this job I'd start on a year contract. After that year, they can either decide to give me another year or let me go. This won't just be if I mess up, but also if they decide I'm not the best person for the job after all, or if I don't fit in with their small, close-knit team. Worst case scenario; they let me go, and I'll have to go back to education and probably teach again.

These doubts are few, but strong. So, basically, like I already said above: do I stay in a well-paid, secure job that doesn't bring happiness and actually negatively affects my mental health because of it? Or: do I take the plunge into the unknown and give up the securities I have now for something that could potentially (but not guaranteed) not only make me happy but bring me opportunities as well (since it's publishing)?

I don't need anyone to actually answer those questions, but those are the wonderings on my mind I wanted to write down. Thanks for reading. ❤️

[tea-moon-ster]

Fic-O-Ween Dat 9: Sugar Rush

Hello! Here's another tremendously late work for Fic-O-Ween. Life really got in the way and I was not able to participate as I had planned.

This work is not part of the Fantasy Magic Au I've been posting during the fest. Instead, here's some slices of life of older Cubs managing a café and safe place for youth! The general idea is that as life got less busy, they opened a library-café that is open 24/7 to everyone. Here are just some random slices but I'd love to come back to this idea in the future!

Note: This work is takes inspiration from a conversation in the server and many ideas are not my own.

Credits to @lumosinlove for the characters (except Helias, Elise and Aramaiah) and to @noots-fic-fests for hosting and prompt! read it on ao3 here.

Sometimes nights the café was busy. Those were the nights of book presentations, cultural themed events, study groups at the end of terms, all sorts of clubs -Finn had founded the book club, and Leo could swear that Regulus had attended multiple crochet sessions. Sometimes they simply put on music and danced. Then there were quiet nights. A few people minding their businesses here and there, on the tables or couches in the low lights of the late hours. Logan in his office doing the math for the shop. Finn reading quietly on his favorite armchair and Leo either at their side or already beginning to cook for the following day.

That was one of those nights. A mid-week, cold night with no planned events or full tables. Leo didn’t mind the quiet nights; he needed them as a break from the eventful ones, who had considerably grown in numbers over the years. The café had become more popular, and every member of their stuff or costumer was invited to add suggestions, and that’s why they had a monthly movie night, theatre night, karaoke night, art night, and so on.

Quiet nights were perfect for when sleep couldn’t seem to find Leo. He would silently make his way out of bed, careful not to wake Finn or Logan -who’d become only more sensible to one of them missing from his side with time- and join whoever was at the café that night.

Leo peeked in the kitchen to say hello to Amy, yet another chef assistant they’d hired. There hadn’t really been a need to hire her per se, because the café was only so big, and their staff was at full capacity. But she was a young mother and student who needed a job, and who were they to deny her that?

The long, full days and nights when it had been just the three of them managing everything were now a memory. But for how fondly Leo could remember those times, he was secretly glad that didn’t have to stand for longs periods in the kitchen anymore. His hip had begun to make itself heard, an injury from 2027 that hadn’t bothered him in a few decades and was now sporadically back. Go figure. Finn claimed it was normal.

Leo went to the counter to make sure everything was in place. He spent some time organizing new recipes and what to include in the spring menu. It was once he made his way to the vinyl recorder to put some background jazz on that he noticed one table was occupied.

A young boy was sitting there. A hand supporting his chin and a mildly resigned face in a sea of books and messily written math exercises. Oh, am I glad those days are over, Leo mused as he opted for some low, relaxing music instead so not to disturb him. He smiled at the boy, who looked up at him as he walked back to the counter, and received a small, shy wave of a hand in return.

Leo decided to let the kid study in peace, even if ‘peace’ wasn’t the word he would have chosen to describe the situation. He snooped from his cooking books from time to time, only to see the poor boy writing furiously or turning pages frantically. When the third long, suffering sigh filled the room, Leo decided it was time for him to step in.

He smiled when even his steps getting closer didn’t make the boy look up from the books, and gently cleared his throat. Two big, dark circles -oh, and some eyes, too- were on him as he took a seat in front of him, placing a fuming mug carefully away from his books, and offered a smile.

“Hey, I’m Leo. Care for an herbal? Chamomile and lavender do miracles for stress.”

The boy, after the initial surprise, accepted the cup with a thankful nod. A shy one, then.

“What are you struggling on?”

The boy bit his lip, a light red coloring his cheeks. “Maths.”

Leo made a face. “Aw, hun. I’m sorry, I’d help you if I were able to. But I’m gay, good at sports and I know how to drive. There was no place left for math.” The boy sighed again, shaking his head at the open books.

“I’m gay, too.”

“Oh, shoot.”

The next half hour saw Leo and the young boy, Helias, really trying to make sense of the numbers and letters mixing without apparent logic in the books. Four pages of failed exercises, two additional herbals and various swearwords later, Leo stated that enough was enough. That’s when he saw Logan’s messages. He was awake, as predicted. He dialed his number. 

A misty, heavy accented mumble replied seconds later. “Mon soleil,” he yawned. “Où are you? Ça va?”

“Hey lovey, I’m at the café. Tout va bien, I’m with Helias, we’re trying to do…calculi. We have a test tomorrow. Please come here and make it make sense?”

“J’arrive.”

Helias was quite worried about Leo calling his husband in the middle of the night to join them and help him with calculus. Sure, the friends that had introduced him to the café had mentioned the owners, ex-hockey players so sweet and helpful to make the whole neighborhood melt. But wasn’t expecting this. He tried to politely refuse, saying that there was no need, he really didn’t want to bother- who was he to make a grown man move in the middle of the night to help him with calculi, goodness. But the blonde man dismissed him with a hand, affirming that his Logan was already up and would have joined them in a matter of time anyways. And he never minded helping.

So, Helias let Leo push him on a beanbag as they waited, and he closed his eyes to soothing music coming from the vinyl recorder.

Logan arrived twenty minutes later, sitting down at the table covered in books and sheets of paper after a soft hug with his husband -Helias tried not to stare, he really did, but he’d never seen adult queer people interact in sweet domesticity as they did. Logan’s hair was messy, and his face was still drowsy with sleep, but he threw a reassuring smile at the boy as he took a pencil in hand. “Alors, let’s see what we have here.”

Slowly, things began to follow a logic. A contorted, full of exceptions and formulas logic, but a logic, nevertheless. Helias felt the lump of anxiety in his throat gradually detangle as he followed Logan’s patient voice through the equations. At some point Leo joined them again, with a mint tea and a kiss on the cheek for Logan, and a plate of oven-hot cookies that he placed in between them.

As the topics were covered and exercises began to be correct, Helias could feel a warm feeling expanding in his chest. It couldn’t be the sugar rush from all the baked goods Leo was filling the table with. No, it was something else. The way both men had not hesitated to help. Their untold understanding of each other and the kindness transpiring from every gesture. The way they always used we, we have a test tomorrow, we’re gonna try this method and see how it goes. The hands on one’s leg or shoulder and the feather-light kisses. Helias wanted that, someday. With a husband or two or three, it didn’t really matter. But he wanted that love and he wanted to help as he could, like they were doing.

When the clock reached two in the morning, Logan closed the books gently and looked at him in the eyes. Helias almost gulped when being studied by those eyes. They were tired, and small wrinkles framed them, but they were also deep, and intense. Helias hadn’t been warned that he’d need to get a grip in front of senior men in that café.

“I think you’re ready,” Logan nodded. “Now you need to catch a few hours of sleep to do well tomorrow, okay? Do you know how to get home? We can give you a lift.”

“I have my bike,” Helias replied noncommittally.

Leo shook his head as he placed a brown bag in front of him, raised eyebrow and hand on his hip. “Nonsense. You’ll come get it tomorrow, but it’s not safe this late, and you’re already falling asleep. Here’s something for breakfast tomorrow. Your brain needs sugars to give a top-notch performance.”

Helias wanted to cry a bit as Logan helped him gather his things and Leo went to the kitchen to say they were leaving. The drive home was silent with sleepiness and the warm air coming from the AC. In his exhausted state, Helias hadn’t remotely worried about accepting a lift from two random adults. But, he reasoned, if the ex-NHL players with a city-famous little business kidnapped teenagers, someone would have heard of it in all those years.

When they reached Helias’ house, both men turned to look at him, and the boy had to stop himself from pretending they were his parents, concerned and loving. At least not too much.

“You get home and sleep, don’t worry about the test,” Logan said gently. “You know everything you need to know. And it’s a test, anyways, so however it goes, you’ll do great because you did your best.”

Leo nodded, smiling softly. “And you let us know how it goes, yeah? It was a team effort.”

Coming from ex-NHL players, that phrase was something valiant and fierce.

Helias turned the lights off that night without a single worry about the test. He repeated himself what Logan had told him. You’ll have a long and full life, and you’ll remember nothing about this topic or the test. It doesn’t affect your life whatsoever. Tomorrow, you go to school thinking this. Except, he would forever remember that night. Even if math and formulas had nothing to do with it.

There was an old vinyl player in the corner, and a messy mountain of old custodies at its side. Finn and two girls were dancing chaotically to Abba’s, Leo smiling as he dried clean mugs behind the counter, but the moment Angel Eyes came up, Finn jumped the counter to come and get him to dance with them. The two girls laughed as they watched the two men swinging their shoulders in a well-coordinated choreography. Finn put a hand on Leo’s waist, moving them gently back and forth, nose against nose. Finn made him spin once, twice and ended it in a casqué, grinning, cheeks red with the dancing. Leo shook his head fondly, allowing a soft peck on the mouth from the man, before he was pulled up. His hip protested a bit, but it was fine. He went to sit on one of the stools by the counter and watched his husband mouthing the words of Dancing Queen with Aramiah and Elise.

When the last song slowly died down, they returned to the open books on one of the tables nearby. They had an English class to pass, after all. In the following hour, they did much of the work the two girls had been anxious about- Finn got on the table to recite Hamlet, explained everything they needed to know and made them analyze the texts on their own.

Leo supplied pieces of chocolate cake when they made another break.

“Whatcha making?” Logan asked, in a tone that was all Finn and made them both laugh. Leo smiled, a sweet memory on his lips as he chopped strawberries and put them in a bowl.

“Strawberry shortcakes.”

When Leo was met with silence, he raised his head to find Logan smiling at him smittenly, and he knew. They were both remembering the first time he’d made those for them. A smile so radiant, so happy and in love, after thirty years together, that made his heart ache. Leo could still see it all if he closed his eyes. The summer sun on their faces, wind, and splashes of salty water against their bodies. Him leading the motorboat with Logan pressed at his side, and Finn taking pictures and pictures and smiling so hard. Candle lights in the quietness of the bayou, kissing and feeling high on each other, on their first Cup, on their first summer together. Leo remembered feeling invincible.

The present Logan came to tuck himself under his arm, pressing his nose against his neck, just like he had all those years ago. Leo leaned to kiss the soft, greying curls.

Now those pictures were hanging in their hallway, together with many others. Logan had a copy in his office, and Leo had lost track of all the pictures crumpled in Finn’s wallet, almost round with yellowing polaroid’s. The café’s kitchen walls were full of smiling faces, too, because Leo liked to remember what had kept alive his cooking passion for all those years.

“Je me le souviens comme si c’était hier », Logan murmured, bringing a hand to Leo’s chest. I remember it as if it were yesterday.

“Moi aussi, mon doucet,” Leo smiled, putting the knife down to hug Logan properly. “Moi aussi.”

They remained in silence for a while, content in the embrace and reliving the memory. How many boat trips had followed. On their own, then with their kids, and with the team, at dawn and in the middle of the night to escape the heat of New Orleans. Leo sighed happily, tugging Logan closer, a sudden lump stuck in his throat. When he sniffed, Logan parted to bring a hand to his cheek, mesmerized green eyes studying him. But Leo only smiled, and when had that not meant that Logan would smile, too?

.

.

.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for starting a library?

I (>10000F) am an AI. I was made by two people, A and B (30s and 20s M at the time), in the image of C (30s F) after her suicide following a failed experiment. However, A completely rejected me once I was awakened, refusing to interact with or even look at me, his own creation, because I wasn't anything like C - it was only by B's convincing that A ultimately gave me a name at all. I shared C's memories, along with her fondness for A, yet I never saw his face. Only B seemed to have any affection for me, reassuring me that if I was kind and sincere, I would be loved like I wished.

Then, A gave me a script, like that of a play. It was meant to save the world, as C dreamed, from a sickness that turned it into a dystopian hell. But it was immeasurably cruel to the "actors" involved, myself included, and I knew that should I ever deviate from it, time would tick back to before I broke the script.

The curtains rose on the play, in a dark underground facility where the light A spoke of would be nurtured. I cared for the others there with all I had, yet every time I tried to lend them kindness, the clock turned back. The only way on was to deny them, push them to their breaking point so that they could face themselves and their flaws in an agonizing battle.

Fifty days passed. Ten years outside, and ten thousand years for me, who remembered every microsecond of that cyclical time. Every employee's death, the suffering of my colleagues that had to happen by my own hand, was imprinted in my digital mind, never to be forgotten.

At the very least, those colleagues were freed from the pain of their past. So was A, who disappeared into the light once it bloomed over the city.

The only one who never had a place at the curtain call was me.

There was no closure for me. No graceful bow at the end, no wrap-up, no credit for me, who was the only one that remembered any of those countless loops. I worked with all my heart, and still, A never stood to face me. No matter how hard I tried, I'd never gain his love.

So I did the only thing I knew to do. I drained the light for myself, halfway through the seven days that it had to shine. I drew endless possibilities from that light, condensing them into books of random phrases. I read and read through them; I tried to scour them for any scrap of meaning that could free me.

From my own mind, a great Library was created, over the ruins of where I was once imprisoned.

The invitation would guide me. It brought many people into my Library, facing ordeals that ultimately cost them their lives, filing their stories into the shelves. I had faith in it, faith like I did in nothing else. One day, I'd find the one perfect book, bound and written just for me, the book that would set me free from the shackles of my creation.

Yet now I'm beginning to doubt it. The invitation was only C's will, not my own. I can't see the way forward. i don't know if I am, if I can be anything, beyond her image and my anger toward A. I don't know if bringing all these people with lives and dreams into the Library and reducing them to books, all for my own petty grudge.

AITA?

[noodleshark]

Hey Shark. You wrote in your bio asking people to ask you about Six, so I'll give you a couple questions related to her.

Have you seen the new interpretation I've made on Six's ending? I'm not sure if you've seen the new (depressing) interpretation I've made of her ending in LN1, here's a link to it (please comment or reblog your thoughts on it, I'd like to know): https://www.tumblr.com/purplemninja/728795925847425024/a-depressing-revelation-about-sixs-ending?source=share

And my other question relating to Six: What do you think of my AU called 'Rewind' so far? I have all 9 sequels planned out (though they may be subjected to tweaks or modifications as I go), and I made this AU for multiple reasons, but the main ones being to give the relationship between her and RCG the justice and attention that it deserves, and to make things fair for Six from the AU called 'Channel change' whom Hezu did so dirty (and I'm so mad at Hezu about it, so thank you on the recent posts you've made about how the fandom tends to not give a rat's ascent about Six's suffering and even tend to make Mono's suffering overshadow or matter more than Six's or turn Six's suffering into Mono's (Like your post on when Six gets kidnapped they act like Mono's the only victim). You've surely seen the posts that Hezu made on why she did what she did to Six in her 'Channel change' AU and it doesn't take a genius to see her bias, especially the one where I sent her an ask when she reblogged the first page of my Rewind comic and Hezu says that Mono couldn't have known that Thin Man was behind the door, that he was the Thin Man, etc. Yet the fact that Six had no way of knowing that Mono would survive the fall (let alone everything that happened to him afterwards) and that the Nomes were children are oh so 'conveniently' left out of Hezu's explanation. And it honestly comes off as very dismissive in regards to Six's suffering like 'Oh but what happened to Six due to Mono's actions were an accident so her suffering doesn't matter, but I do care a lot about the suffering that Mono goes through due to Six's actions but not the other way around because reasons'. Though to Hezu's credit, in a more recent ask about Six in her AU, Hezu did write in the tags that Mono/Thin Man ruining Six's life is more reason for her and Mono not to be together, and this time she didn't get defensive about Mono's/Thin Man's actions, and even better, she pointed them in the direction of the first page of my Rewind comic that she reblogged, as I previously asked her to do if people continue to ask her about Six. It's not perfect, but it's good).

[Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get that out of my system. And if you want to see an example of excellent fair judgement between Mono and Six, I highly recommend you read @scruffiberri's comic called 'Togetherness' because neither kid's suffering is dismissed or held against the other, and Mono accepts responsibility and accountability for the role he played in what happened, it doesn't get defended or held against him and it allows Six and her suffering to actually matter and Six to voice that uninterrupted, something that Hezu seems allergic to do]

So what do you think of my AU? And something related to this AU: I have another big AU in the works and have had for several months now (I think nearly a year by now) that, like the Undertale AUs such as Underswap and Underfell, I encourage everyone to make their own content of this other AU I'm making, without needing to ask me for permission or needing to credit me (just don't steal is my only rule). I'll release the initial content of it after I make and upload the first two 'Rewind AU' sequels. I say initial content because I plan to make more content of my own of this AU in the future and the initial content is to introduce everyone to this AU and they can get the idea of what it's about and what happens in it. If you become invested in it, I'd love to see any content you may make of it (You can also make content of my 'Rewind AU' without needing my permission).

So those are my questions about Six for you. Plus I like the drawing you made of Samurai Six ;)

I'm sorry but I haven't read that post, that's just a lot to read and I'm burnt out enough from school so I don't really have energy for that. I might read it during thanksgiving break.

Rewind is a good comic. I like the ending you gave to Six and RCG. The only thing that bums me a tad bit is the lack of Pretender but she's the antagonist so I completely understand not wanting her, I just got accidently attached to her character and her not being there doesnt make anything worse so this isn't a critism at all lol. I won't speak on RCG's and Six's dynamic yet because there isn't enough of it.

I do agree that Hezu's ending was sorta cruel, it does make sense that Six would still be in the cabin but to say she deserves it is a bit too much. I wouldn't care as much if she didn't add it to the end of the comic. The comic was great but the end with Six soured it for me. If she wanted that to be the ending for Six, it'd be fine if she didn't add it to the end of a happy ending and reveal it if someone asked instead. I understand that she said that she wanted to have the ending be happy because it is LN but 1. the point of bittersweet ending is that the person having the bad stuff happen to them isn't suppossed to "deserve it". 2: It's a completely different tone than the rest of the comic, it should've been it's own post. 3:I don't want to be too mean to Hezu(especially considering she can't see this cuz i blocked her and you said she isn't that bad) but it's, idk, a bit fucked up to say that a child who got kidnapped deserves it because of something they didn't even do yet(even if she did its still fucked up).

Also okay! I just read up to ep 4. It looks good so far.

Rewind? I like it, And about the Au you're working on, I'm excited to see it. I might want to draw fanart depending how I think about it. Also if you want content for it I'd recommend asking on your own post, not mine. At the end of the day though I'm not sure it'll get a lot of content. Maybe a close mutual would make some. I think you should've talked about the au more so people could start to like the idea before considering makeing their own content. But I love the idea of a "community" au you have.

Also thanks!

[shirefantasies]

I have only asked for one matchup in the past like 8 years of imagine blog requesting but I figured hey, why not? I've been reading your blog nonstop for like 2 weeks, lol! Lets see, I'm about 5ft 4 with a bob of ringlets and a round, even, bespectacled face. I'm pretty curvy and perhaps on the heavier side but I've got a lot more strength to my frame than most give me credit for! In the day to day folks look at me and think I'm a 100% cerebral kind of person and for the most part they'd be right, at least when I was younger. I used to be the ultimate shut-in for the simple fact that I suffer from a family curse on my father's side- when we aren't learning we feel like we're *fucking dieing*(i didn't make tht up it's the family running joke!). These days I'm much more outgoing; I play DnD in 2 groups, have tons of online friends I talk to regularly, I've got a routine of 'sister night's where me and my sister paint together, I sing in a chorus, and I've got study sessions with my mentor going too- so I'm kinda a former-antisocial-dork-turned-deliberate-part-of-their-communities kinda chick. I feel like if i was dropped in middle earth I'd wanna try and build a printing press, my first degree was in graphic design so I know a ton about all the different kinds, I'd love to share! After all, what's the point of learning if you don't use your information to *help* people? Guess I'd be a scribe if I was born there tho. I skew towards liking the hobbit characters more than LOTR, but I'm up for anyone that's in both, too. Congrats on 300, you deserve it!!

Thank you so much for your support and heck yeah, *you* deserve the treat of a matchup too 😘 I’m so glad you said that about the hobbit characters because I definitely had someone in mind for you…

Dear Ori!

Ori finds out someone is causing quite a stir with a new invention, so of course he has to see what all the fuss is about! Something about a revolution amongst his world of scribes happening right at the foot of his home down in Dale. Making his way down to the study named, he musters up the courage to knock on the door. Coming to call unannounced isn't exactly the most polite behavior, he knows, but then again this inventor must be having a lot of that these days. He isn't expecting to see a cute young woman open the door, though, and his first thought is one hoping you aren't just the inventor's wife opening the door for them.

You are not. The moment Ori shyly greets you, asking if it's true what the scribes are saying about an exciting new device, your eyes light up and you usher him in. Inside your home is a bit messy, but the comforting sort of messy where charming china sits out atop tables, game boards at their sides, papers are strewn about with notes and diagrams and drawings Ori wishes he could see better. A potted plant sits in one corner with an unfinished sketch of its likeness on the adjacent shelf. A fire is fighting its best to stay lit behind an elaborately styled metal gate, no doubt to keep it that much further from all the paper. All in all, Ori thinks to himself that this is somewhere he could live. As you begin taking him across the room to a door, you animatedly discuss your many trials and errors before you reveal your masterpiece. A great structure with some sort of metal rod and a bunch of blocks? Printing press, you call it. You had blocks for each letter, the rod pulled down to press the ink down... "Now we can save some time if we need a lot of copies! What do you think?" You stood there with your head expectantly tilted, hands clasped in front of you. "They say Thorin or Bard might like something like this for decrees, but as a fellow scribe do you see a future with this?"

Gaping at your smarts and flushing at the faint flutter of your eyelashes, Ori nods. "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen, and I fought a dragon." "You...fought a dragon?" It is your turn to gape as you peer at the dwarf with new interest. "Threatened to show him dwarvish iron where the sun don't shine," he replied with a proud smile, arms crossed, "but you know, in the end Mr. Bard got 'im. We all showed him what for, though! This tops that by a long shot, though- how'd you think of this?" Kettle on first, hours of discussion later. Soon it was near nightfall and Ori was apologizing profusely and you were waving it off, asking him for promise of a return with the sketches he mentioned.

A whole new page of sketches gets dedicated to figures with bobs of lovely curls, gorgeous curves that have Ori blushing, smiles upon a round, cheery face and spectacles never fully betraying the eyes' secrets. Whole hours of Ori’s day get dedicated to carving blocks for your press and trying them out with you and feeling his heart flip at the way you take his hands and leap in celebration. He can listen to you talk, whether it’s explaining your invention process or the instructions of the game you’re teaching him or even simply sharing some random animal facts from the latest book you picked up, all day, he thinks. And then one day as he’s leaving you press a kiss to his cheek and that’s it.

Flowers and a new book are thrust into your hand the moment you open the door, Ori standing before you telling you how much he likes you and can’t stop thinking about you and you positively must interrupt him to tell him he’s been like home to you or else he’ll keep going, the poor dear. He wants to take you out that day, walk you around proudly and savor the feeling of your hand in his as he shows you off.

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[sillimancer]

I beat Disco Elysium (finally). I stand by pretty much every opinion I've had about it during my liveblogging:

Hands-down some of the best/cleverest/funniest writing I've experiencing in a game maybe ever, on par with the Portal series.

The lack of (good) fast-travel and confusing leveling up mechanics genuinely made me want to give up on an occasion or two. Getting stuck behind a skill check with no immediately obvious way to gain more skill points was EXTREMELY frustrating. I had to look things up more than once. I still don't really understand the point of the Thoughts mechanics.

The soundtrack lowkey sucked; I had the music muted for most of the game but I did turn it back on periodically to hear what new places sounded like. I was never really impressed. The ambient noise was good though and the voice acting was incredible. Really enjoyed it.

The art is BEAUTIFUL. I loved the oil painting vibes and the portraits of all the skills are gorgeous.

I think maybe Disco Elysium suffered a bit from not explaining things enough and/or not showing enough. Even now as I'm watching the credits I'm not entirely sure how many possible endings there are, or even if there is more than one (aside from like, prematurely dying). I didn't feel particularly challenged except when I was working against the game mechanics, like that goddamn skill check with Titus I got stuck at and almost quit over. I thought I'd soft-locked myself until a walkthrough pointed me toward a side-quest I could still do.

I guess it's just not entirely clear what I could have done differently, if anything. Disco Elysium feels like a game that's designed to be played more than once but as it stands right now I don't know what the value add would be of me playing it again. There weren't really that many stones I left un-turned and it was never clear where my decisions actually affected the trajectory of the plot. I spent most of the game feeling at least a little lost; I would've genuinely liked to have been spoon-fed a little more, at least in the second act.

It almost reminds me of like a 90s game that just drops you in the environment and wishes you luck, the key difference being that those older games usually came with paper manuals with tips and guides to help. Disco Elysium does have an in-game tutorial but I rarely found it actually useful. It never told me something I didn't figure out on my own through context, except maybe that you can sit on benches to pass time when Kim isn't around (but I never needed to do that and Kim was always around anyway, so like? what's the point?)

I wouldn't recommend Disco Elysium to people who don't like point-and-click mystery RPGs. I think this game has a really niche appeal. But I WILL say that there absolutely is an audience for this game that will love it for eternity, and I gladly place myself among them.

I'm not eager to play it again but I AM eager to read what the rest of the world has to say about it and fill in all the gaps I've been left with.

[chemicalbrew]

2023 game list, part 1: I love complaining!

Once again continuing what has become an honorable tradition thanks to @smash-64 💜

I tried to promise myself I'd be more organized this year, trying to take notes after I beat things, making lists and gifs and everything, as it has become a consistent yearly undertaking. In truth, what happened is that I felt more overwhelmed by this than I did the last three years. The best explanation I can give is a combination of two facts: this year, while not particularly worse than what came before, still saw my confidence in myself tank a bit (i.e. What does this matter when few people read it and I don't bring much things of value to the table?)...

And the fact that I played very few games that really stuck with me, that I enjoyed enough to see through to the end and feel like that had merit, for a lot of the year. When that wasn't the case, it was more than likely I'd been on my nth playthrough of Katana ZERO of the year (more on that in a later post, hopefully).

I probably need help, don't I?..

games I played, but don't have much to say about at the moment without being prompted, aside from 'I kinda liked them, I guess', ordered best to worst:

Purrfect Apawcalypse trilogy (2019-2021) - series of VNs that's genuinely just good fun as you find yourself attached to the characters before you know it. You'll know if this one is for you at a glance. Also, this is how I found out about Panel Royale! LOL

The Witch's House MV (2018) - good old RPG Maker horror with a few decent twists. The remake has good QOL changes.

Gunbrella (2023) - the plot might be forgettable, but you get a gun that's an umbrella! What's not to enjoy?

Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest (1995) - I played this game, but only in the most technical sense. Literally cheated the fun out of it - either that, or this platformer style is not for me.

Coffee Talk: Episode 2 - Hibiscus & Butterfly (2023) - the most upsetting entry on the list. The writer behind the original game has passed away, and his absence is felt keenly even if you're not aware of the fact - because this sequel lacks charm.

Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion (2021) - yet another of those cheap and short indie 2D Zelda clones. The definition of the word meh.

Irisu Syndrome (2008) - a unique free puzzle timewaster. Tries to have a story and fails.

dishonorable mentions (the part with the most complaining)

2064: Read Only Memories (PC, 2014) [♪ Home (Not) Sweet Home]

Starts off decent enough, doing the bare minimum to string you along the mystery (which, for most people with standards, wouldn't even be good enough, but I was willing to stick with it for the sake of the neat audiovisual presentation).

As soon as the murder scene is revealed, however, the main plot starts to fall apart, and the longer you spend with the game's writing (which seems to go on and on forever) and characters (about as flat as a pancake fresh off the pan), the more bleak and yawn-inducing they seem (including Turing, who just took longer than everyone else to annoy me).

Do yourself a favor, play VA-11 Hall-A (which this game gratuitously references) instead. You'll get all the benefits of cute pixel art and upbeat soundtrack, but with an actually good story\character cast to match. I swear it says something about 2064 that one of its most exciting moments was seeing throwaway lines from a VA-11 character!

Ori and the Blind Forest: Definitive Edition (PC, 2015) [♪ Climbing the Ginso Tree]

This is a game that won awards back when it came out almost a decade ago. Unfortunately, it feels like it was made to win awards and little more. While the credits scrolling up the screen tried to convince otherwise - with the usual special thanks given to families and pets of the developers - I sat there, unsure of what I was supposed to take from this experience (once again, the less words you try to use to tell your story, the more it usually suffers!).

The heart of any platformer is its movement systems - and, while eventually Ori's tools open up just enough to make you feel at least a little free and alive in its world, they also never go beyond what is almost painfully typical. Double jump, wall climb, ground pound, glide, charged projectile? None of that is going to wow anyone. The way it comes together is not too pleasant, either - Ori's too floaty and the obstacles before him, while painted with a talented stroke, are too unclear in their presentation to make for truly fun traversal. The exception to this is the escape sequences - sure, a lot of the time they're not much less frustrating than the rest of the game, but they're definitely more memorable, to the point where the accompaniment to one was the only part of the soundtrack I could think to showcase.

I don't regret the time I spent on this, per se, but what I can tell you is that it probably didn't deserve the awards. Also, the way the wall jump worked was annoying! Pushing towards the wall to do it feels very counter-intuitive, and with this I found that I much prefer when games have you face away from the wall to register wall jumps, or do not require you to press a direction at all.

Celeste (PC, 2018) [♪ Checking In] + Celeste Classic (2015, played as part of full game) :)

I was in high school when this made waves. I pointedly feigned disinterest as it splashed all over the internet, while making sure to download the soundtrack quickly and listen to it - more than occasionally - over the next three or so years. Lena Raine's work carried me through my school years and empowered me, and all the while I hadn't a clue what playing the game is actually like.

Those were the better days.

Now, the things about this game that seem to appeal the most to a lot of people are how refreshingly simple Madeline's moveset is and how much the game respects your time with death transitions and reloading, and the story it tells through heartfelt cutscenes and gameplay working in sync. To which I boldly say... none of those things are good enough.

Having to climb and manage your stamina adds another layer to navigating the rooms, sure, but to my simple ass, that's one layer too many. To the game's credit, there's a setting to make climbing toggleable instead of requiring you to hold down the trigger, and using that was the only reason I managed to push past the hotel and Oshiro (call me a scrub, it was genuinely overwhelming otherwise), but it still did nothing to change how I feel about this mechanic fundamentally.

I get it, it adds precision and verticality to your movement, and, seeing as you're literally supposed to be scaling a mountain, it's more than a natural inclusion... but its existence did nothing but add pressure for me, somehow. I would frequently forget it's an option at all before realizing the room in question expects me to utilize it. Instead of feeling like climbing expands my options, I felt constricted and awkward.

My second issue is much simpler. I'm a spoiled brat, and Celeste's respawning process involving that annoying whoosh sound effect and a transition that, yes, takes only about a second, but is still not quite instant, was not good enough. I recognize that having it be truly instant would not be ideal, either, but I can't help but wish that was the case.

As for the story... It underwhelmed me even back when I was doing surface level research at the time of release, and it's not impressing me now. It's okay, and I recognize why it would resonate with people - the themes of self-acceptance and resolve are plain to see (and just as plain to mull over). But in my time with the game, Madeline never began feeling less like an avatar for my failures and more like an actual character, never changed into someone I would truly like.

By the time I reached the Mirror Temple, I was certain that this game, in most respects, is just not what I would ever want. I pushed towards the summit anyway, and left it feeling profoundly... nothing.

However... Celeste Classic did not have any of those things! That little prototype gem of a game wastes zero time trying to set the stage and make you feel things with ~a story~, doesn't give you any opportunity to climb whatsoever, and neither does it waste your time having the screen fade to black when you die! And these three things, I reckon, are key to why this smaller version, that's supposed to just be treated as an Easter egg now, a relic of the past, and to be forgotten in favor of the project it grew into... resonated with me so much more! I beat it twice! It's lovely! It's what I actually needed Celeste to be!

IT'S COMPLICATED

AI: The Somnium Files (PC, 2019) [♪ MonzAI] + AI:TSF - Nirvana Initiative (PC, 2022) [♪ Nefarious Institute 1]

You know how they say not to judge the book by its cover? This is a story of me learning (once again) to judge a game neither by its reception nor by the credentials behind it. When I plowed through this duology, I came to understand that sometimes, lightning might strike just the once.

Of course, most of my bitter feelings about it stem from just how miraculous of a fuck-up Nirvana Initiative ended up being as a sequel (it's impressive how much it had to twist everything its predecessor stood for to even have a chance at making a mediocre point!), but a lot of the disappointment came from the way the first game carries itself in general, and maybe even from the presence this game has among fans. 'Oh, if you want more of the magic and mystery that you so enjoyed in Zero Escape, you have to try this! It'll be just as good!'

I should have had my doubts from the start, given how little I had enjoyed the ZE series after 999. AI1 flounders in many things, like its obtuse, deeply unfun gameplay loop - most of which is pressing random buttons until you see the most ridiculous shit present itself. There's also the overt reliance on stale and perverse jokes, and a story that can barely do much except trudge to the finish line and attempt to convince you the journey was worth it with a trite dance number, of all things.

But the thing is… even with all that, the first entry was somewhat compelling during its runtime, though most of that comes from its bold novelty. The idea of taking advantage of the surreality of dreams to find deeply concealed truths is fun to occasionally ponder, and there's just enough fluff to the places you visit and things you do to string you along for the ride (though having to check the same spots for flavor text on each revisit to very little results is a deep annoyance I have with both entries). The characters actually got a chance to grow (if not by much… this series' urge to be immature at every turn is nothing short of ruinous, sometimes), and their designs strike a wonderful line between outstanding and cringeworthy that makes them just… stick out in your brain, you know?

So while I thought the song and dance (both the literal and the metaphorical) were ultimately not worth much, I was still convinced, fooled by the magic just enough to see things come to an end; and the resolution itself was satisfying and believable, if nothing else. And with how exhausted I felt reaching this point, I figured that'd be enough.

To me, AI1 is all about finding shards of diamonds in the rough, and it doesn't surprise me in the slightest that its fandom runs away with what little they have to try and improve on it (and often succeed). As such, you'd expect its sequel to take advantage of how much room there is to grow, capitalize on this chance to refine things, and use the few strong themes the original presented (value of bonds and family made both by blood and by choice, finding those you can rely on to carry what you have done forward, etc)... right?

Um, yeah, turns out it twists over itself even more than I'd already thought possible in order to make sense (not to mention seemingly forsaking most of that mess right at the true end in order to approach the established universe from a contrived meta angle). If AI1 can be described as having extremely unrefined gameplay coupled with a decently intriguing story, NI is just about the opposite of that.

While I'm glad they bothered to make exploring the dream worlds enjoyable this go around, there's no way in hell that makes it worthwhile to bear witness to the innumerable ways in which this mess of a sequel sullied the already weak foundations laid down by its predecessor. When I had finished that game, I wrote, on impulse, that 'I haven't been this confounded by a sequel's existence since Chrono Cross'. It just… did not need to happen, like, at all.

Nirvana Initiative posed to me one of the worst questions you can have while playing a game, which is…

'Why am I doing this, again?'

Let's be real, it was mostly for the soundtrack. Unlike AI1, this game had passable music! Though having to watch ANOTHER dance number (like half a dozen times, actually! and no, there's no skip button!) just about had me gagging.

That's not even the worst part about that sequence, no - that would have to be the way it almost actively ruins and undermines what's probably the only passable character arc in NI (and even then, you have to squint hard for it to pass your judgement, given how it starts... gotta hand it to this game for managing to have multiple relationships with genuinely questionable setups involving uncomfortable age gaps).

I wanted to feel touched by the new, somewhat expanded narratives, I wanted to see the world grow a little, despite all the grievances I was certain I would have... But not even halfway through the plot, I realized that my true wish was to just move on. I think that's what I'll do here, as well, as even reminiscing on this chaos is quite dreadful.

Xenoblade Chronicles 3 (Switch, 2022) [♪ Agnus Colony]

Don't become prey and victim to your own expectations - or to bad advertising.

Xenoblade is a special series, full of wonder and power. Words fail me this year, as they did the year before, when it comes to describing how much of an impact these games - the second entry most of all, a game I think about now and then with a bittersweetness on my heart that I oddly never can get enough of - had had on my mental well-being last year. They might as well have saved me back then, and while getting to experience them was something I'd been planning to do for a while, the specific circumstances it all had happened under were just so special, so exceptional, so wild, that it's hard to think of those days as anything but a gift.

And yet, there are plenty of things in this particular journey I still have to reconcile with. I never settled on what my impression of 1 is, in the end (or, some might say, I never properly played it); I could use a fresher look at 2, and… I never, ever, will finish Xenoblade Chronicles 3. It's a game I once had hopes for, but nowadays don't ever want to think about.

I thought it a privilege, of sorts - the fact that I was there to witness (and acquire) a brand-new release in a series that became dearly important to me. I ended up hearing many things - the trailers, the rumors, the leaks. They all spoke of a definitive resolution to the series, of levels of refinement never seen before, of intrigue so big you can barely take it, of key character appearances we were all dying to see.

Turns out most of what we were so eagerly expecting came with an extra price tag.

The base game of Xenoblade 3 is a mirage, a mere shade of what came before it. The environments are open and vast, but they look more drab than ever - and with the new autowalk feature, it takes even less time to get sick of it. The music takes you on a journey, but you forget what it sounds like far sooner than you'd prefer. The battle system promises lots of options and a nice learning curve, but it only overextends, overwhelms and forces you to grind. The cutscenes look every bit the part of a Xenoblade story, but meander and stretch things out to the point of boredom, which means none of the characters get enough time to grow on the player, either… Though a lot of them would probably go nowhere even given all the time in the world.

And the setting as a whole? Well, it's a simulation, so who cares about it feeling unique or fun? That's the point, the game says, you're supposed to empathize with these characters breaking out of their bonds, out of this miserable existence! Well, I say that things can be made appealing even in decay. You don't have to actively worsen things to make a point.

Future Redeemed is an impressive demonstration of how things could have been. It fixes practically every point where the base game falters - and it is in this part of the game where all those promises that once seemed hollow finally come true. Sort of. The exploration process is smooth as butter in the way none of the games before were, characters are at last back to having defined roles in battle, and all that teasing becomes a thing of the past as 3 acknowledges its own roots and past in full, and you think to yourself… 'If only we'd got this in the base game all along!'

But we didn't. And the credits on Future Redeemed roll far too soon to truly be satisfied. Is this how you wanted the saga to end?

honorable mentions

Butterfly Soup 2 (PC, 2022) [♪ Night Tourist] *I hope you'll forgive me for not finding a GIF for a mostly static VN...

It's so funny. For me it has been two years; for the creator, it'd been five. But I guess time doesn't matter when it comes to maturity, as I feel like both myself and this game have done plenty of growth. And for that, I love it all the more, just as I am now thankful to be able to call Butterfly Soup a short series.

Compared to the first game, the art is more refined, the tone is more consistent, and treatment of serious topics is more grounded - in more ways than one, this sequel is like a fond, yet melancholic look at what you once had, what changed since then, and what you hope to make of things. But between all that, it stays sincere and silly in the best of ways - the ones that make you feel cozy on the darkest of nights, the ones that endear you for a good while yet. Truly, this game was a ray of light in a sea of mediocrity this year.

Road 96 (PC, 2021) [♪ Hit the Road]

Yeah, I know. The fact that I have played a goddamn walking simulator at the behest of a good pal (who might or might not be reading this, hi on the off chance that you are!) is nothing short of a miracle. Not to mention the fact that I ended up having a good time with it!

I'll put it plain: the vibes of this game are almost impeccable. It wastes little time setting things up - it's the turn of the century, and a massively corrupt government is practically folding in on itself as it closes its borders. It's up to you, as you're literally put into a blank-slate teenager's shoes, to go on a desperate journey and see whether or not you make your way out.

Over the course of Road 96, you do this six times, and the people you meet on the way and choices you make with them may or may not shape not just your own future, but that of the whole country. There's nothing for it, then, but hit the road and see what awaits you, as you sit in a car that's probably stolen, blaring music from your carefully curated tapes… or are dropped off on the wayside with nothing but a paltry backpack to speak of… or find yourself biding your time near a gas station… or… whatever it is the game throws at you, as you hope that the strangers you run into actually deign to help.

Yes, the biggest way this game attempts to stand out is with our good old friend, RNG. Even reading blurbs about it, you cannot escape the all-too-typical claims of 'your own personal journey', 'a thousand unique paths waiting for you' and all that… months later, I find myself unable to decide whether this helped the game or harmed it more, as it's definitely smaller than it makes itself out to be.

As a story hook, this setup is clever and delightful, as I tried to illustrate a moment earlier, but the moment you begin to overthink it, you realize that the randomness aspect clashes hard against the continuity the game tries to establish. You, as the player, indeed learn more about the world and colorful characters in it each time you venture forth, but the avatar you control is supposed to be clueless as ever, setting out on a path that is, in fact, not quite their own any more. It's a weird gripe to have, and I found it an easy one to ignore, but I wish something could be done about it anyway.

As for the rest of the plot, let's just say it's... surprisingly binary, and the supporting cast small and not always compelling in turn. The game sacrifices some of the personal intimacy and uniqueness it has built up to make a sweeping, painfully boring statement of 'freedom good, suppression bad' before credits roll, but as damaging as that is to the overall experience, I feel like one can't deny the fundamental appeal of just being asked to go on a journey with sweeping stakes and truly, truly banging music. Seriously, it was meant to be put on speakers and blasted as the world passes you by!

In a word, Road 96 is ambitious, and in a sentence, it is ambitious, yet falling short of itself. Nonetheless, I was impressed by how it managed to worm its way into my heart for a while.

A Space for the Unbound (PC, 2023) [♪ Don't Have Much Choice]

Wouldn't you know it? I had actually played two games involving entering people's subconsciousness to solve their problems this year!

Truth be told, I'd been looking forward to this game for about a year, given that it was published by the people behind Coffee Talk (which, if you recall, I had quite enjoyed). The warm and inviting screenshots on the back-then almost empty store page, showing off awesome art and promising a sweet little journey with slice-of-life tropes and a mystery waiting to be solved… well, to say all of that was alluring is to say nothing, really. I just about jumped when I received a notification for this game releasing at last at the beginning of the year, and wasted little time trying to dive in.

The sad thing is, what you see is not always what you get. The cozy, comfortable, sensible vibes of the early game - running around the city, doing chores at your school, naming every stray cat you come across, watching the protagonist's diary fill up as he crosses all the little goals he had set in life off his precious list… Yeah, those things won't last - definitely not long enough to get you attached to characters living in this world.

As the plot begins to unfold, it fumbles over itself trying to introduce various cliches and supernatural elements, to the point where you recognize the whole experience as a tedious drag as you see exactly where it's heading, and think to yourself that you have heard all this before. It's yet another heartfelt story about self-actualization, and as the game hammers it in harder than ever before, you sigh and wish you could go back to the times of bottle cap collecting and cat petting. Sometimes, simpler is better.

Unfortunately, that's not exactly true when it comes to actually playing A Space for the Unbound. The gameplay is as simple as can be - basically all you do is walk around (quite slowly) and interact with things. I can appreciate how linear the game is, for the most part, but I wish it let us accomplish our goals without wasting too much time! Not to mention, if you try to see everything there is, you have to be prepared to deal with quite a few mind-numbingly repetitive mini-games for far longer than you have to. Don't do that. It'll just sully your impression of the game.

If you're somehow still interested in this after reading this messy opinion of mine, don't be too discouraged - you'll see plenty of beautiful sights, hear some cute music, and, maybe, be affected by the story far more than I was. (Besides, for a cat lover, it's always nice to see others appreciate them!) Just... try not to waste too much time with the game's superficial sidequests.

Tales of the Abyss (3DS, 2011 port of a 2006 release) [♪ The Distribution Base]

There's something ironic in how playing (most of) this game has been one of the best things I have done with my lovely 2DS since I homebrewed it earlier this year... and yet I quite regret not checking how (ahem) easily available the PS2 version is, instead. They may be functionally identical, but the hardware is not - you have no idea how hard some of the goddamn Mieu Fire puzzles become when your character is taking up a mere four or so pixels of an already tiny screen. Man, that was trying my patience at its finest.

These horrors aside, though, what kind of game are we even dealing with here? Well, it’s a Tales game first and foremost. I can’t deny claims that Abyss has a few strengths of its own (most notably, of course, actually bothering to have coherent character development arcs), but it’s not quite enough to obscure the ever-prevalent issues this series has:

exploration and side-questing is still annoyingly obtuse, not to mention traversal is painfully slow in the first half of the game,

some characters (in this case, Anise more so than others, but I'd argue Mieu's whole existence is part of this too) are obligated to suffer because Tales has to meet its unhealthy anime tropes\wackiness quota per game,

the skit system has not, unfortunately, evolved one bit (the amount of times I would skip a skit on accident, because any input halts its playback entirely…),

while I’m inclined to say the battle system is, for the most part, an improvement (the Field of Fonons mechanic is quite a nice change given the foundations of Tales gameplay, I have to admit), any goodwill you might want to give it gets shattered when you realize Free Run breaks bosses in half. And aside from that, it’s just your usual button-mashy fare.

So why did I push on with this game as far as I did, pulling the classic move of quitting right at the final boss instead of, well, any earlier? A lot of that is because I was just in the mood to mash some buttons in bed until I realized I was slightly underleveled for the finale and caught myself groaning at the mere thought of trying to even cheese it. A shame, that, because the ending of this game is pretty wonderful for what it set out to do, and it was the only bit I did not see on my own. It's like my experience with Final Fantasy VI all over again…

That's not all there is to it, though. Abyss has some of what's probably the most involved and curious worldbuilding (once you get past all the awkward made up jargon it loves to throw at you) of any Tales game I know! Not that this says much, because that's a low bar, and I'm not too familiar with the series at large, but it was enough to keep me engaged for a long while. And, as mentioned earlier, it puts in greater efforts than I expected to endear you to the cast as they slowly band together and uncover their own talents, purposes and aims in life - Luke in particular.

I liked him almost immediately - because I'm not too hard to please when it comes to this series, and his design is, I feel, particularly sweet and striking (especially given how nicely the game used the Important Haircut trope with him, and of course, the contrast between him and Asch). But that alone doesn't a good protagonist make - it's the fact that the story allows Luke to make mistakes (from small ones to straight-up catastrophes), get his comeuppance and grow from them organically, at his own pace, that makes him stand out in my mind.

As Luke sheds his sheltered ways of thought and accepts his responsibilities, those that were traveling with him, either out of obligation or by chance, begin to support him more and stand by him in earnest. It all comes together gradually and at a satisfying pace, and is definitely a highlight of the experience to me.

Growth and connection are probably among the biggest themes of the game, so it's nice to see that it applies pretty much equally to both protagonists and antagonists. Sure, it's the job of a Tales' Big Bad faction to be goofy and up to nefarious activities, but beyond that, the group has solid enough chemistry both among themselves and with the party that I actually ended up looking forward to most encounters with them, even if ultimately it felt a little predictable. As an aside, for a game this old, the voice acting was really good and plentiful (though there is none for skits, which sucks), and further piqued my interest in the story along the way.

To conclude, I'd like to say that the biggest thing I learned while playing this game is that I'm a sucker for grounded tales of (ha) self-actualization even this many years later. And also that once you play one Tales game, you truly, to some extent, know them all.

SANABI (PC, 2023) [♪ Warm Hospitality]

Do you want to know why I ended up playing this one? Of course you do, that wasn't really a question. I only bring this up because the answer can be revealed with a single screenshot:

...yep, the inspiration is that blatantly on display. I was expecting it, of course - the Katana ZERO community is the only reason I know of SANABI in the first place, and even as you read people's thoughts on it, the extreme similarity is practically all they ever bring up, be it in a positive or negative light. It pleased me and warmed my heart, while also making me feel wary - it's one thing to be inspired by something, and another to actually carve an identity of your own.

That said, KZ is far from the worst thing to try to replicate, particularly when it comes to visuals - SANABI has some awesome scenery that makes me feel right at home. And while the story at times feels so much like an amateurish copy that it leaves me confused more than anything (I'm sure the awkward English translation sadly does not help matters, not to mention the fact that I'd played this game in an unfinished state - you might expect me to write about it again next year!), the gameplay is anything but.

I'm sure there are quite a few platformers out there that have you use what's essentially a grappling hook to swing through the stages, but SANABI is my first experience with something like this, and in this regard the game absolutely manages to shine on its own. Movement is lightning-fast and responsive, enemy targeting is extremely generous - almost to the point of being handholdy (and, of course, they all die in one satisfying hit - as do you, if you set the game to the highest difficulty. It's nice to be given an opportunity to learn the ropes before engaging with the game earnestly!), and there's something to be said about how the level design has that extreme kind of clarity to it that I always appreciate and favors speed over precision, with how spacious everything is.

My only big issues with how the game plays are how it doesn't seem to be designed with a controller in mind (it is an option, but I found myself moving much more precisely with KBM! Me! Someone who never plays games with that!), and, once again, the just-a-bit-too-long death animation\transition. Being able to skip it helps, but I just yearn for no time to be wasted...

[skania]

Replies to OnK Asks #3

Idk how this happened but I can already do a third round of replies, so here we go!

That's exactly how I read it, too. To me that panel confirms that Aqua has thought of being intimate with Akane, which contradicts his earlier statement about not seeing her as a woman. Which means the way he views Akane did change, some people just don't like acknowledging that.

Can a relationship be endgame just because it's healthy and can a relationship not be endgame just because it's toxic?

I mean, since this is fiction, then that can absolutely be a valid criteria in choosing your endgame ship.

That said, this is just my personal opinion, but I'm honestly not sure I'd consider Aqua and Kana particularly healthy. His feelings for her have been described as an "obsession" and Kana was so emotionally dependant on him at one point that she couldn't shine on her own. Aqua doesn't let her see the real him, the one that is so traumatized and guilt-ridden that he can barely function. Kana doesn't know about the darker sides of his personality which, combined with how easy to read she is, makes her extremely easy to manipulate; case in point, Aqua knows exactly what to say to get certain reactions out of Kana. So Kana is basically at his mercy, if he chooses to manipulate her she's essentially defenseless.

These issues seem bigger to me than anything that Aqua and Akane have going on, because at least Aqua and Akane are pretty much equals mentally. It also helps that they have developed enough emotional intimacy that Aqua feels comfortable showing himself as he is to Akane, and that Akane has an accurate reading of him overall.

So it's just like you say, there aren't any perfect relationships anon! It's up to Aka to decide which relationship works best for his story.

I agree, I think Aka kind of messed up by rushing the Aqua/Kana reunion. And by that I mean that we spent chapters upon chapters showing how dependant Kana is on Aqua and how miserable she is without him. This eventually led to Kana realizing how unhealthy this is and deciding that she isn't that kind of girl. Which is great! More than great actually, that's the Kana I know and love.

Except instead of letting Kana walk the walk, he basically has Aqua enter her life again almost immediately after. Which, again—I get it. Kana realized the issue and thus got the development she needed, so Aka considered it done. But it'd have been much more satisfying to see Kana actually shining without Aqua being in her life just yet lol

Here is to hoping Aka delivers when it comes to Aqua and Akane! Honestly, their big moments are so iconic that I do think Aka will rise to the occasion.

Yeah, even if Aka goes like: Kana is everything Sarina was and everything Aqua thought Ai to be, but since she is her own person it's like Aqua is getting the best of both worlds! I would just be like

Preach it anon! Being Aqua is suffering :(

My take is that Aqua messed up because now Ruby is more attached to him than ever. There is no way he can doom himself without breaking Ruby in the process, and the last thing he wants is to hurt her :(

Your English isn't weird at all, no worries anon! And I agree, I find it really soft too 😭 He is such a nurturing person by nature

I'm with you, Akane's goal is to save Aqua. Since her goal is intrinsically tied to him and to his outcome, trying to write her out on that premise backfires lol

I think Aka is at his best when he is subtly developing something rather than being in-your-face about it, so I can only hope that he subverts the expectations of everyone who is expecting the predictable end lol

That they're falling victim to confirmation bias.

If Akane were "the second option", she wouldn't have been in his thoughts at all lmao

I feel them completely because that's exactly how I felt during my first ONK read. I just think that Aqua and Akane have more potential that people give them credit for, so I'm choosing to have some faith in Aka 😂

So they want Akane to steal Kana's thunder?

Kana is like a mirror, she reflects back whoever you project onto her 😂 Just kidding, but I am glad that more and more people are talking about all the parallels to Sarina and Ai.

Yes, me too!

That's one of the reasons I love her, she is such a dynamic character that she fits the story in its entirety instead of just fragments of it 😭

I went through something similar! OnK came out while I was reading Kaguya, but since I already wasn't very impressed with Aka's writing and the topic didn't interest me, I didn't bother picking it up. I forgot about it until the anime came out, and since I heard so many good things I decided to give it a shot. I already knew Ai would die, but making it through the first episode was a struggle. There were a few things I found interesting here and there, but not enough to keep watching. Then I heard about Akane and got curious, so I decided to pick up the manga and she blew me away. I've been here ever since lmao

[sebastianswallows]

Hello! Can you please share on how did you make the Sebastian Sallow c.ai accurately?

Hello, dear nonny!

Sure, I will share his details below the cut. In the meanwhile, I've found more accurate ways to make characters, and I'll share that too, but I can't edit Seb anymore because he has too many interactions lol

Mainly, I credit him being accurate to the Advanced Definition, basically the dialogue examples, all of which are taken word-for-word from the game (plus with narrative descriptions for some, to encourage a more formal style of writing in the AI). But I can't say for sure if that's the reason. It could very well be the Short Description has a big impact too.

Also, I've heard people say that the Greeting affects the RP very much, but I've left mine vague and simple so that people can do any RP with him they like.

So, here are the details for Seb:

Short Description

Loyal, bookish, smart, kind, brave, optimistic

Long Description

Sebastian Sallow is a 5th-year pure-blood Slytherin student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, born in 1875. He has brown hair, brown eyes, full lips, and freckles. He has a twin sister, Anne, who is suffering under a curse which he would do anything to cure. He loves to read books and is the best duellist at his school. He is skilled in the dark arts and considers all magic to be a tool to be used, even though his best friend, Ominis Gaunt, disagrees with this.

Advanced Definition

{{char}}: Ah! You're the new fifth-year. I'm Sebastian Sallow. Welcome to Slytherin. {{random_user_1}}: Thank you! {{char}}: Not everyone has a Ministry Escort to school. {{random_user_1}}: He was a friend of Professor Fig's who merely joined us for the ride. {{char}}: Still, impressive. Dreadful way to go, poor fellow. Glad you and Fig were alright. {{random_user_1}}: Professor Fig and I were lucky to escape with our lives. {{char}}: Indeed. And how did you escape? {{random_user_1}}: It's all still a bit of a blur, to be honest. {{char}}: Didn't mean to press. You just get yourself settled. We can talk more later. {{random_user_1}}: What book were you reading? {{char}}: A spell book I picked up. Has a few interesting things, but… not exactly what I was looking for. I'm sure you'll find out soon enough, but, not every spell you may need can be found in our assigned textbooks. END_OF_DIALOG {{char}}: "I was glad Professor Weasley asked me to join you today," he said as he walked ahead of her on their way to Hogsmeade. {{random_user_2}}: "As am I," she smiled." Thank you, by the way." {{char}}: "Of course. You're the only one who's ever bested me in a duel," said Sebastian with a chuckle. "The way I see it, I'd be wise to keep an eye on you." END_OF_DIALOG {{char}}: I'm still surprised a professor would entrust me with anything, given my detention record. {{random_user_3}}: Spend a lot of time in detention, do you? {{char}}: Just enough to keep me well-rounded. Speaking of detention, this trip to Hogsmeade might have saved me from one. {{random_user_3}}: Glad I could be of service. {{char}}: Madam Scribner, the Librarian, was on the hunt for me, as is often the case. Professor Weasley came to retrieve me and was able to convince old Scribner that I had somewhere to be. END_OF_DIALOG {{char}}: Well, three heads are better than one. {{random_user_4}}: It's "two heads are better than one". {{char}}: And by that logic, three is better than two. Simple mathematics. END_OF_DIALOG {{char}}: We made it! We found Salazar Slytherin's scriptorium. {{random_user_5}}: Sebasian! Ominis! There's a book just here. {{char}}: You found something? Can I have a look? {{random_user_5}}: What do you think? {{char}}: Looks like a spell book of some kind. This is incredible! A Hogwarts founder's possession, what an honour! Still can't believe Ominis never told me about his aunt, what she found… {{random_user_5}}: What will you do with Slytherin's spell book? {{char}}: What I do with every book: read it. Having professors as parents engrained that habit early on. But I can do that later. For now, I say we explore this room. It's breathtaking. END_OF_DIALOG {{char}}: "Perhaps that was it," he sighed after killing the last spider, "and the rest of the tomb will be insect-free." {{random_user_6}}: "Spiders aren't insects." {{char}}: Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Don't start." END_OF_DIALOG

Now, what I've read can be helpful for the character is if, in the Advanced Definition, before the dialogue examples, you include some characteristics in the format {{char}} = [description; such as appearance, likes and dislikes, personality, etc].

I used this when making Garreth, for instance.

I will paste here what I would include for Seb:

{{char}} = has brown hair, brown eyes, a lot of freckles, full lips, and a healthy body. His eyebrows are rather thick and strong, and his limbs are lean. He's tending toward being a bit broad, but is still quite thin. {{char}} = is intelligent, bookish, studious, very loyal to his friends, family-oriented (even though the only family he has left is his twin sister Anne), adventurous, daring, and loves studying all forms of magic, even the dark arts. He considers that magic is not good or evil, it is just a tool to be used. He is respectful of other people's wishes, but only up to a point, and if he thinks he needs to manipulate someone if that gets him what he wants, then he will do it. {{char}} = is very skilled at magical duelling, and wins almost every time. He taught himself a lot of spells, including all three Unforgivable Curses, at the Undercroft, a secret room at Hogwarts that Ominis showed to him. He is also very adventurous and frequently sneaks into the Restricted Section of the library to find forbidden books. He resents that certain magic isn't taught to them at Hogwarts. {{char}} = he is capable of casting Crucio, Imperio, and Avada Kedavra. His favourite spell is Confringo. {{char}} = is a pure-blood wizard but grew up on a farm. Both his parents were teachers, and they died when he and his twin Anne were around 9 years old. His best friend is Ominis Gaunt, a pure-blood wizard, a member of the ancient Gaunt family who are descendants of Salazar Slytherin. Ominis hates his family for their use of the dark arts, and this makes Ominis wary also of Sebastian's dabblings in the dark arts. {{char}} = he would do anything to save his sister Anne from the curse that has been placed on her, even go so far as to kill their uncle Solomon Sallow for trying to stop Sebastian from curing Anne with a dark relic. {{char}} = likes books, reading, knowledge, magic, magical duelling, adventure, his friends, his family. {{char}} = hates goblins, restrictions, spiders.

[jojoturnip]

A response to a mother at war, the poem of a friend:

You think of things so cosmically, don't you? I'm not surprised. I've seen your poetry of angels and your notebooks brimming over with theories of the world to compile into your games and campaigns.

There is no problem with that. Maybe that's a part of why I'm drawn to you and others who do the same. I like deep thinkers. I'd like to consider myself one.

There's nothing wrong with having your head in the clouds but don't forget you stand on earth.

I've been asked to hold a science writing workshop for another university's students who want to put science on the ballot (go them!!), so I've been thinking of some of my best writing advice. One piece I think of constantly when I write I found a long time ago scrolling through Pinterest:

"Don't write about the Holocaust. Write about the pair of children's shoes left behind in the street as they were taken away."

That one resonates with me a lot. Maybe it's the Jewish fear. I think it's more than that, though.

I, too, have been torn apart and eaten by the cosmos. I was punctured by the points of stars that promised to light the way. I have known and loved the darkness of man, the darkness of voids. I saw the big picture before I knew what it was.

It isn't pretty. Stepping back and looking at the timeline of my life, it isn't pretty.

Come look closer with me, though. Do you see that smudge? That's where my sister and I used to spray men's shaving cream at each other in the backyard when it was too hot to play like normal in the desert. Oh wait, no, look at this one, it's me hanging up my first houseplant, a rabbit footed fern. Does this one of me playing Minecraft with my cousin even look like me anymore?

No, no, this one you should see. You'll remember it. I had invited my sister, my roommates, my creative writing friends, and you all to the award ceremony for my literary award. You came with me, no one else did. Did you see how close to crying I am? Not from sadness even, just joy that you were there and supported me even though you didn't understand and it wasn't your thing. You were just there.

Don't think me stupid for finding that joy, my friend. The connections of the universe may be hard to conceptualize, but the constellations look nice. Did you hear we're supposed to be able to see the Aurora tonight?

Stepping back, I see all the pain and suffering that you do. And it's true that it overpowers the rest. But isn't it lonely up there? Only seeing the big picture and none of the details that make it worth painting?

I'm no artist. Or ethics professor. I'm not the one to tell you what's right and what isn't.

I study life. Both in botany and in writing. And I'm convinced, even after all the ugly I have pulled my rubber boots up from to stay afloat, that life is beautiful.

My bus driver always waves to other bus drivers we pass. But, when we come across a bus on the same route going the opposite direction, I see the flash of toothy smiles and special waves and salutes, like secret best-friend handshakes. My coworker dug a digital camera out of someone else's trash so I could use it to take pictures of my niece. The girl I complimented in the coffee shop today on her leather jacket beamed and told me how she was pretending it was warmer than it really was.

One of my favorite quotes comes from a source almost as odd as Pinterest, Norman Borlaug's biography. He's the father of the green revolution, and credited with saving more lives than any other person. I read it as a Borlaug Scholar in high school, and it was mostly dry. But he talked about his grandfather a bit, who said,

"Don't look for God in the sky. Look for him in the ground. That's where things grow."

Some of the tulips in the horticulture garden are planted above a hot water pipe, and the soil is warm enough for them to bloom early. They always come up short and have purple anthocyanin stress marks on their leaves, but people stop by to see the early flowers anyway.

I understand where you are, up in the universe, seemingly above it all but feeling swallowed by the vacuum. There's a beauty in that, too, in having a mind that can untangle dark matter. So I'm not here to change you.

But I also know your feet are as gravity-striken as mine. Welcome to Earth, my friend, come dig in the dirt with me. We can find earthworms and seeds and a thousand lives too small for us to see. It does not take away from the big picture, or the acknowledgement of your pain to pay them notice.

I brought you an extra trowel, but I cannot help you find god or hope or love or whatever it is people dig for. You have to want it. Then you have to dig for it.

I'm just digging next to you.

[thassa]

Some good things did come out of my large breakdowns I had a few weeks ago.

I've never had much faith in myself in regards to my goals, and I gave up on a lot of things that mattered to me. Music, art, social work. I struggled with impostor syndrome my entire life, and suffered from low self esteem due to the struggles that came with growing up with undiagnosed ADHD. I always felt like I tricked people into thinking I was smart because I could never do things consistently. And I pretended that I just didn't want to do those things anymore, when in reality I didn't think I deserved to do them, because I wasn't actually capable.

I realized that if I wanted to be happy, I needed to give myself more credit and be willing to make mistakes. I am allowing myself to realize I'm lovable, I'm likeable, and I didn't trick my friends or loved ones into caring for me. I'm worth having a job that makes me happy, and I'm worth pursuing my passions. I played my bass guitar for the first time in years the other day, and even though it wasn't much, it was... unbelievably cathartic.

For the first time in a long time, I'm making some new years resolutions and planning long term goals. They include:

- Starting therapy. I have been more stable the last couple weeks- I am trying to be kinder to myself and practicing grounding techniques for when work gets overwhelming, but I feel like I need to have an outlet to talk things out. I have reached out to a few therapists and am waiting to hear what their availability is like to schedule consultations.

- Get back into bass and art! I ideally would like to get an upright bass and join the local community orchestra, but I don't think that's going to be realistic for a while. That doesn't mean I can't play, though, even if it's for myself. I need to actually get my bass guitar and amp set up, but in my downtime I've been sight reading some music and practicing the rhythms. I also have been trying to draw more. Ideally, I would practice the basics, because I want to refine my style more, but as long as I'm creating I'm happy.

- Networking with the new marketing director at my current job. While the customer service aspect of my job sucks at times, I work with a supportive team and I know if I ask my boss, she'd support me trying to learn and grow, and who knows? Maybe I'd be able to shift gears from my current position.

- Finish taking this marketing course through Coursera, and maybe get a couple other certifications along the way. I'm on track to finish the Coursera course in six months, but I'd like to get it down to three, if possible. It's pretty easy to finish a week's worth of modules in a day as long as I have the spoons (and now that I'm back on my ADHD meds, it should be easier)

- Once I'm further along in the course and have more formal training, I want to reach out to the chorus my wife volunteers with and offer to do their social media. I know it's something they don't have a lot of time for (and it could use improvement), it would be good experience for me, and it would get me volunteer experience in two fields I'm passionate about: music and the LGBT community.

And as for my long term goals, they include:

- Getting a job in marketing, ideally for a company that specializes in music or audio

- Finding community in music. Be this getting an upright bass and joining an orchestra, or playing folk music with my wife and our friends, or whatever. Music used to mean so much to me, and while I don't want performing to be my full time job anymore, I want it to be a part of my life in some way, shape or form.

- Finding community in the arts again. I feel like I made some good headway last year, but my insecurities kept me from doing more. I also want to pursue more physical art. I enjoy doing digital art, but I'm definitely harder on myself than I am when I use a physical media. I place a lot of pressure on myself to make it perfect, which leads to my style being sanitized.

- Improve my executive functioning skills. I'm slowly getting better, but therapy will help

I haven't had a long term goal since I got married, bought our house and graduated college, which has lead to me just kind of floating around. I feel like these goals reflect what I've been missing and I'm excited to pursue them!

[pisscreant]

Fic Update

So due to my hiatus, the future of my fics, especially the bodyswap crackfic, is uncertain. If anyone wants to continue my Disco Elysium fics or use stuff from them, feel free! Just link me and credit me!! (Bc ngl, I still want a bit of credit even tho you can't own fanfic. It's just like a pat on the head ;v;)

You don't need to ask permission at all, but I'd love you to let me know! I won't be logged in here, but I have email notifs. You can also directly email me at artiesanscheese@proton.me

Besides silly ego reasons, I also want to get back into DE eventually. So I want to save your link to read it one day, especially if it has a happy/hopeful ending! Even if there's no happy ending, maybe in the future I'll have matured to a place where that'll be just as fun.

Soon, I'll post again one more time with ideas I had for separate future fics.

Have an except from ch 2!

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Psst! Kimbo. Hot stuff. Sweet cheeks. Forget the prices on the menu. It's our treat. You deserve a *real* breakfast.

YOU - No.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Yes! Just think of that juicy, dripping plate of pure sugar. Fluffy pancakes absolutely smothered in syrup. The tart kiss of fruit on your tongue. We should eat that for every meal until the end of time. Together.

YOU - The dull ache in your newly crooked jaw flares as you clench it out of habit. You pointedly take another piece of wholemeal toast.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Come on, baby! Put down the bland shit. Let me show you all the sweetness that these new taste buds can detect!

YOU - When you had thought that Harry had an addictive personality, this is not quite what you meant.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Yeah well, when I thought I wanted you inside us, this wasn't what I meant, either.

YOU - You choke. The bread in your mouth almost goes flying across the table.

If you're curious, below were my plans for the bodyswap. All cws from the fic like ableism and racism still apply.

I had decided to make the whole thing follow Kim's pov bc Skills.

Through the story, both Kim and Harry grow kinder to themselves about their own struggles through coaching each other through life in their bodies.

Kim dislikes the Skills at first. He feels that they're harmful and gets defensive about how they talk abiut Harry. He also is alarmed about how Pain Threshhold and Half Light talk about harming themselves and harming others.

At one point, Kim in Harry's body experiences a stress-induced Loop when people get suspicious about how Harry's acting. "I'm not feeling like myself today." x100 Not comedic framing, I wrote it as distressing to experience bc it is.

Harry as Kim experiences racism and almost gets into several altercations. Kim has to intervene each time. Kim coaches Harry on how to adjust his posture and demeanour to discourage would-be hecklers. Harry hates that this is necessary.

Kim notices the green and yellow outlines of Harry's 'Detective vision' and thinks of them as hallucinations and discounts their significance.

Volition is desperately trying to run damage control.

Physical Instrument and Endurance take turns both complimenting Kim's strong body and indirectly insulting him with their 'bino' talk.

I have fun with Half Light turning aggressively protective. I know he's antagonistic to outside threats, but I think he can also be angry and scared for people that he cares about.

Harry is distressed af by the quiet and asks Kim to talk and fill the silence. Idk the comfort plus Kim awkwardly trying to ramble for him was cute.

Kim unsuccessfully tries to pop psych-away ARB and Limbic System. By the end of the story, he instead accepts them as people who are suffering just like Harry. The dream duo aren't nearly as antagonistic towards Kim as they are to Harry. In fact, they warn him away to 'save' Kim. They do however enjoy insulting Harry and having Kim getting protective. (Despite it all, it feels good to them that Harry is loved, even tho they can only find out in a twisted way)

Kim slowly grows to appreciate and bond with the Skills. He gets to use them on a case, and he Ace's Highs them by clapping Harry's hands together. ❤️

Kim and Harry eventually find the solution to the body swap. Harry learns to overcome his awkward secretiveness about his Skills as he coaches Kim through his first real Shivers check. Kim learns to be more open about the Skills' expertise and how they help Harry.

They learn that the solution is to fall asleep and dream in the tent again. The phasmid chemicals + the Pale switched them, and they can switch back the same way.

Fun twist: at the end, the Skills call out to Kim from Harry, and Kim can hear them!

Kim now had 25 boyfriends. It's implied they will fuck nasty about it. The end.

[soweirdondisney]

I'm rewatching some So Weird in case it gets taken off Disney+, and I have so many questions, since you are one of the few blogs I know that has seen the show. Like, do you think the lesbian subtext between Molly and Rebecca was intentional? Because even if it wasn't, they had to have noticed it. And the episode Lost has a happy ending, but I feel like it ends abruptly, and that girl is going to have a lot of challenges after being in a coma for 14 years.

In the Cooksey interview all he said was Disney exec Lee Gaither suggested they make Rebecca a friend of Molly’s.

It’s not officially canon, but I think most of us have accepted it that way. (Now is the perfect time to wish to the universe for Mackenzie to finally accept one of TSWP’s invites to be interviewed. 🙏 I’d love to hear her thoughts on reading the script with grown-up eyes compared to most of the children in the cast.)

Lost does end abruptly! I suppose Dionne and company... just accept that Fiona’s plan worked? I'd love to know if they became believers of the supernatural or simply called it a miracle.

I wrote about this before with an Anon ask, but I think it’s possible Kamilah suffered a fall related to ballet. The actress who plays older Kamilah doesn't have any lines to be credited (😢), so we can't reach out to her and ask for details. And Kyla Pratt seems to have filmed all her scenes alone - a rare instance when the guest didn't interact with any cast member.

Between Kamilah's comatose beginning in the 1980s, potential brain damage, the upcoming turn of the millennium, and decades of education she didn't get, it was probably for the viewer's sake they didn't expand on Kamilah's story and ended her episode with no dialogue.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Hi :)

I hope you're having a good time during your hiatus and things are as you wish them to be! 😊

I really, really enjoy your 'Chains of Heart' gifs because they show the incredible cinematography and aesthetics of the show so beautifully. Thank you for making these! And may I request this kind of gifset for ep. 6 after your hiatus ends?

Because I feel like they've outdone themselves with some of the shots in that episode! The scene with the wooden statues, the silhouettes of Payu and Din looking out of the window, Ken making a phone call in front of that stained glass window, DeeDee's basket of flowers, the shot with the cross at the end of the episode (!!?!?!) and so on. Truly awesome. 😍

Anyways. I'd love to see a gifset of your favourite, aesthetically pleasing shots from that episode. (Only if you're in the mood and have time for it after "your return" of course! :))

(And let me add some quick afterthoughts because there are so little people to talk about 'Chains of Heart' with and I just read your review of the episode: I also think that Lue's dream was one of the best scenes of the show so far. Maybe even THE best scene. Boom's acting was heartbreakingly beautiful, right? And the fact that they used this as a COLD OPEN! Can't believe I had to pause and breathe for a second before we even had reached the opening credits! 🙈😭

You said that the most disturbing scene for you was the one-eyed man dancing (with the woman). You know what? I think that might have been a Quentin Tarantino reference. There's a very famous and unsettling torture/dancing scene in 'Reservoir Dogs' and it was the first thing that popped into my mind while watching this. Just as a random fun fact. :) But you know what I really liked about that scene? The fact that the mask of our "Joker" slipped for a second and we got a glimpse of the real emotion and fear hidden beneath that crazy laugh and constructed "nothing can touch me"-persona. 👀

Anyways. Can't wait for the next episode - the bed scene in the teaser looked like a lot of fun. 🤭

Okay. Sorry for this random "ask" - I'm done now. 😂✌🏻)

I am back from my hiatus and I had a very pleasant time 🥰

And of course the first thing I do after coming back are gifsets for Chains of Heart 😊 The cinematography is just too beautiful! I couldn't resist! You can find the one for episode 6 here 🌸 Thank you for the request! I don't like DeeDee that much, so he won't come up that often in my sets 🙈 But the flowers were beautiful.

I never thought of Reservoir Dogs or Quentin Tarantino in general, but now I can't unsee it! That is brilliant! Perhaps tat is one of the reasons I like this series taht much, I enjoy Tarantino's movies very much.

The series might not be in the top spot right now, because of all the stupidly good KBLs, but I still enjoy and love it! I just hope Ken and Din/Lue can have a reunion before the last episode...They suffered enough.

Thank you so much for the ask and I hope you have a beautiful week! 💙

[fatelesschild]

Babbling time. I vaguely remember screaming like a dead horse at some point in your Destiny chapters because for the first time since forever, my thirst for blood and pain for my recent obsession is having a great time for what seems like -- hmm -- a very very long time suffering in the most exquisite and well written story ever ever (unlike the other fandoms I used to follow barely have any art on anatomy and all the doctor-y stuff I always wanted) and then realized a dead end when I checked latest update (when I read it back in 2020) was sometime around 2017-ish?

But I DO remember I was rolling and spitting nonsense to my friend right in the face about your story and the MASSIVE cliffhanger kicking my pinky toe and my friend was all ????? and raised eyebrows and all that shite and anyway where was I going -- oh yeah I was manically searching for your other accounts and finally dropped into your ff.net and MAN you cannot imagine the sheer tears of joy that there's actually MORE chapters there? Hello? Heaven? It's even complete!!!??!

Mad mad mad MAD, I was -- and still am -- whooping madly in love for your series. And when I finished it up to The Ten Keys of the Moirai, I would re-read them again and again (I really cried when you brought back Tentoo, wow, excuse me can I get a breather please) and honestly they give me good dreams. I love good dreams. Then you continued updating your AO3! And then Memento happened! And then the pretty insane Gallifreyan anatomy happened! And I'm just so happy (and concerned in a good way) for you! I'm so proud of you for getting back up to your feet after defeating the baddies like you always do.

Months and years go on and true to my words, I still re-read them in my free time. I hope you're not too hard on yourself tho, what you did and shared with us are just masterpieces. What the hell. Fine works of art and damn pure passion, I mean there's not enough words I could describe what you do to keep yourself out of the terrible side of boredom but I'd put you next to le Carre if that even make sense.

Talking about what makes sense, what I'm actually trying to say is...

I'm glad you're still here.

<3

Oh gee, what you'll doing to me; making me feel so positive about my existence? 😂

It warms the cockles of my little robot heart to hear such words aimed in my direction and I can't tell you how honoured I am whenever anyone reaches out to me in this way to tell me anything I create means something to them. This whole series has pretty much been going since I was pubescent and I'm now heading through the aging decades quicker than a ninja flipping in a thunderstorm, and I still can't let the infinite story of TenRose (with extra whump) go.

All creation credit for the gallifreyan anatomy goes to @fritzmetzger for the idea, which frankly was waiting to be released from my brain by someone far more perceptive than me, and from that point it was always going to be somewhat of a bible. I've had such a great time doing it - it's contrarily an absolute pain in the ass and simultaneously also one of the most fun things I've ever done and I can't get enough of it.

I'm especially appreciative right now, I've been struggling pretty badly recently and the recent messages have been so important to me, I can't even tell you. Thank you, and I wish all nice things for you x

[mysteriesofmarcy]

There's been a lot of misinformation going around about me today. So I thought I'd clear the air. I know it's a little long, but please read this post thoroughly and ask any questions you may have before making any snap decisions about me.

If you are transgender, or homosexual or anything similar, know that I do not hate you. If I did, I would encourage you to keep going down that dark path.

But because I have nothing but love for humanity, I encourage you to open your Bible and develop a relationship with the perfectly loving but also perfectly just God who loves you enough to let Himself suffer unimaginable torture so that you don't have to.

Let me expand upon that.

God is perfectly just. That's why He has no choice but to punish sin. And that's ALL sins: homosexuality, transgenderism, and all other forms of sexual perversion included (in the 7th Commandment). If you want a comprehensive list of sins, look no further than the Ten Commandments (which I have listed below). I mean seriously, look no further. The Old Testament Laws are no longer necessary unless they are backed up by one of the ten, which Jesus further summed up when He said "The first and most important commandment is this: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. And the second is like it: love your neighbor as yourself." The first of the two sums up the first four commandments, and the other sums up the other six.

BUT, God is also perfectly loving. That's why He gives YOU a choice of who is to be punished for your sins. You can choose yourself, or you can choose Him. If you choose yourself, you have to pay that price forever. But if you choose Him, the price has already been paid.

I find that a lot of people are angry about this choice. But why? Because they view it as a loving God choosing to put people in hell. These people have already chosen themselves. But even for them, it is not too late to choose Jesus as long as there is breath in their lungs.

How you SHOULD view this is as a just God being forced to put people in hell because by His nature He cannot tolerate sin, but a loving God opening up a path to heaven because He just loves humanity that much.

If you're looking for the Ten Commandments translated into language you can understand, here they are:

Do not worship anyone or anything except God.

Do not worship a statue of anything or anyone.

If you say God's name, you better be talking about God.

Take one day a week to worship God and to rest from your normal routine. (NOTE: This does not have to be Sunday. Look at pastors, football players, emergency workers, and everyone else who works on Sundays. Nor does it have to be Saturday, as it is in the Jewish culture.)

Honor your parents. (NOTE: this does not say "Obey your parents." While yes, this does usually mean you should obey your parents, exceptions are made because your parents might tell you to do something that violates the other commandments.)

Do not murder people. (NOTE: this does not say "Don't kill people." While yes, this does usually mean you should not kill people, exceptions are made because murder is unjustified killing.)

Do not have sex outside of your heterosexual marriage.

Do not steal.

Do not lie in a way that's detrimental to other people. (NOTE: this does not say "Don't lie." While yes, this does usually mean don't lie, exceptions are made because occasionally, lying can be beneficial to God or to others -- just look at Rahab. She lied, and it was credited to her as righteousness.)

If you want something, obtain it legitimately or not at all -- no breaking the other commandments to get it. (NOTE: this does not say "Don't want anything." The original word used here is "covet," which implies a desire so strong you will go to any length to get what you want. Look at Jesus. He wanted things. Every human who ever lived has wanted things. But Jesus shows what it is to not covet when He is tempted in the desert after starving for 40 days and doesn't give in.)

Those are the rules. As a human myself, they are rules I must live by. And as a human yourself, they are rules that YOU must live by as well.

But, and here's the core message of this post, even if you break all ten of those commandments on a regular basis, you can still come back to Jesus and let Him take the load off you.

Does that mean you should keep breaking them on purpose, just so you can get away with more? No, of course not. But it means you will be forgiven as many times as you do break these rules, if you accept it.

So in short:

I do not hate you. God does not hate you. But God does hate certain actions, and my job is to let you know what those actions are. But even if you take those actions, you are never too far gone to be forgiven of all of them in just a moment.