#Not tagging his post as anything because I don’t want to hear the stans tell me that the little old ladies had it coming

[acewizardinspace]

We see the attack on the jedi temple in ep 3, the Kenobi show and from Grogu, and they all show how horrific it was, but none of those have shown us the elderly.

It is only logical that during the war most of the people in the temple were those too old or sick to fight, yet, in all of these scenes we are only shown what appears to be mid-life adults.

But I just can't stop thinking about the elderly jedi.

The jedi who haven't picked up their lightsabers in 10 years, let alone actually turned it on, standing up to protect their homes. The jedi who gave themselves one final mission, to save as many of their people's children as they can. The jedi who fought in their hover chairs, who didn't even try to evacuate, who tried to stall the onslaught for just a little while longer.

I get really emotional thinking about the elderly jedi who are typically forgotten in these discussions.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

i’m the anon who previously sent the message about the deplorable things alba and her friends have said and done.

i did indeed see your response to my message, and to be completely honest, i thought it was a genuine and well-thought out reply. i know you mentioned you did not want to engage (which is completely fair, considering the scope of your blog), so i understand if you don’t post this. however, i was disappointed to see you continuing to give alba a platform when she has, in fact, not changed or learned from her previous actions. she is still close friends with people who have publicly tweeted statements such as, “fuck me like hitler fucked the jews.” it was revealed that she is heavily antisemitic on set just as recently as last year. she is not sorry for her actions, that much is clear.

it’s your blog - you have final say on what to do with it. but as a part of your previous reply in stating that you could do more in holding racist people accountable, i just thought that you would at least stop giving her a platform to spread such horrible values. because of her antisemitism and racism, her (and now chris’) fans also think it is okay to do so. yes, we cannot control the actions of others. however, as public figures, they do play a part in guiding the narrative and setting an example for those who see them.

i wanted to end off with saying telling you that someone previously asked a fan blog of chris and alba, “is nazism and racism okay if you’re white?” and the response was a resounding, “yes!”

this is who you’re supporting, parasocial or otherwise.

related to this

Thanks, I am surprised that you came back. Also, thank you for not screaming, I've seen way too much "discourse" that is just that online and, unfortunately, in real life.

That's all horrible, and awful to hear, obviously. I knew vaguely of her association to friends with problematic, harmful views through another anon, but no details. The description given certainly paints that she's not learning or growing, yeah. That's shitty. Especially shitty when it's more recent things and not past regrets or ignorance.

It is certainly in my mind whenever an anon sends me something about Alba. She's in a photograph with Chris, I see her in his tag, or whatever. Each time I post something of her, even if it's not really about her and more about Chris, it's consciously something I contemplate. I really hate getting into the real, real relationships and such. I'm not a gossip blog. I have no interest in that side of stanning/supporting a celebrity. So, I very much hesitate to post anything that toes the line. I don't want to, and I shouldn't give people who are racist a platform. You're right, clearly.

Also, I'm sure there are fans of either (or both) Chris and Alba who support racist views or think that they are allowed to because they see their favorite celebrities doing it. I would prefer to think that it is just a very vocal minority, though, in the same way when I see people posting about committing violence toward Alba, death-threat-ing her, making remarks about how they hope Chris divorces her and does horrible things to her because she deserves it, etc. I hope people understand better. Maybe they don't. Maybe I am naive and the outlier by assuming that people compartmentalize their fandom lives from their real lives similarly to me. If so, more should be done to educate them, or push them to educate themselves, on why that isn't okay. Poor behavior examples can be very dangerous, though, I agree.

Anyway, again--for real this time, haha--I'll say that I don't want to get further into this. I can feel a very slippery slope coming, not necessarily from you, but generally about who has reportedly said what and when and to whom, and that's too much for me.

[princesssszzzz]

Question. Did you actually read the books? Or is most of your idea of Rhaena (she's fantastic), Aemond and Daeron who are more like that father of hers you hate than you seem to want to admit, based on fanon?

I never speak about Daemon outside of the occasional Nettles post or how he’s a bad father I’m assuming your talking about the latter. I don’t hate any characters but not gonna pretend Daemon is a good dad. Half the people following me are Daemon stans. They either agree or don’t care what I say about him bc he’s not a real person 😂I’m not on any team so I’m not going to hate or support a character based on which side they are.

Daemon is not Mufasa in the books either he was never winning fatherhood awards. Even Otto Hightower kissed his daughter on the head. But I don’t jump in and out of the book when it comes to Daemon. My opinion on him is strictly HOTD which is why I only tag post with him HOTD. Daemon is not Ned Stark in book or show. It’s his fans only making “the father that stepped up” memes. There’s no casual viewer that would ever call him an amazing father because he’s not. What do you lose by admitting Daemon is not a good dad to his daughters? You can’t claim to love Rhaena and Baela and say it’s ok for them to be treated like trash and neglected. You love extensions of Daemon (not even Laena) to conjure up a family image but you don’t like them. They don’t exist to make him look like a good person they are young girls not PR agents. But you don’t have to pretend to like them just stop telling me he’s a good dad. If Otto or Viserys treated Alicent or Rhaenyra like this we would never hear the end of it. You could at least chalk it up to bad writing but saying he's a good dad is just a lie. You’ve never seen me defend anything Aemond and Daeron ever did so...I’m assuming your talking about my fanfics? I never speak about Daeron’s book actions and I don’t talk about Aemond outside of his parallels to Rhaena or the occasional silly shipping post. I’m just writing random stuff + delving into Rhaena’s feelings about how she’s treated. I actually wouldn’t be writing any of it if the show did that so don’t be annoyed with me be annoyed with Ryan. Mr. Condal who also claims Daemon’s family is his “brother and niece.” The guy who wrote him not even considering his kids as his family so how do you get perfect dad from that. What I post about or write for Rhaena (besides obvious AUs where she’s out of character) comes from what I’ve seen in the show mixed in a little with her book personality. 100% show Rhaena includes Daemon ignoring her so if my writing her response to being ignored confuses or bothers you, it’s probably because you pretend he’s not ignoring her. It’s actually impossible to speak about Rhaena without talking about Daemon’s neglect because she’s lived with him her entire life. She’s always next to him. I’m not making anything up I’m just going based from the show. Like I said I’m not on either team so I have no partisan views on anyone. I don’t have underlying reasons to saying Daemon is not a good father it’s just the truth lol I’m not a Daemon hater. Aemond is also a piece of shit if you go through my post I have more content critiquing him than Daemon if anything. Maybe you assumed I’m an Aemond simp extremist bc I ship Rhaemond but I’m not I just like that they have a lot in common and I think their personalities are interesting together😂 If Daemon smacked the shit out of Aemond for what he did to Rhaena and Baela I would have been perfectly happy. I don’t care if Daeron and Aemond behaved just like Daemon they aren’t her dad so *shrug* Again I wouldn’t even have this blog or be talking about this if people weren’t lying and trying to portray her as satisfied to be treated like shit. Anyways to answer your question my idea of Rhaena is realistic Rhaena. Not lost on me that people love the idea of ‘sit down, shut up, pour wine, support us, smile and nod at these people’ Rhaena......you don’t really like Rhaena. If my dream Rhaena comes to fruition in season 2 you will hate her and will be posting rants about her. I’ve already seen some Daemon fans insulting her for the Hightower husband and “making him look like a bad person”

[jayflrt]

this is long sorry 😅

saw you guys talking about fanservice and i have some opinions about it. for starters i do think they were told to up it since members who didn’t really used to partake in it are doing so now. why i have no idea (i actually have a theory about it being because they’re all technically legal now, however that’s another convo) but it’s definitely more than it used to be. that being said i feel like it’s a thing with enha too. they have never been the type to tell us no, unfortunately, so if they think that the y/n type fanservice is what people want then they’re gonna continue doing it. and it is what people want sadly. since their debut they’re priority has been making fans happy even if it’s not what they themselves particularly want. it’s an issue i have with them actually because they need to start saying no and setting boundaries 😭 they are kind and people use that kindness to get whatever they want.

next is that their fanservice still isn’t that bad. it’s more than it used to be most definitely, but in comparison to some other bg’s? they are still relatively tame. it’s the fanbase that makes everything so extreme. like i have absolutely no issue with fanservice, but i cannot stand the reaction to it. not only does it generally make things seem more intense than they actually are, but sometimes it makes the guys look bad? like ik that people write him this way a lot on here (lowkey have a bone to pick with some authors and how they only portray him this way as if he has no actual personality traits), but the fact that people have genuinely called heeseung a fuckboy, cheater, playboy, and toxic as if they know anything about his personal relations? the way that’s he’s discussed you would never guess that off stage he a hopeless romantic loser (affectionate) 😭. and even outside the members that people have a tendency to say whatever they want about (heejake) it’s gotten bad. hoon for example has done a little more fanservice then he used to, but that doesn’t mean logical thinking should be going out the window. we all know that weverse translations are not accurate so why were there multiple hit tweets of him allegedly saying he wants to sleep with a fan, when in reality he was talking about a damn phone lockscreen? and nobody bothered to correct themselves? 😭

i partially blame how bad things have gotten on how young a lot of the fandom is and how they don’t know how to find a balance with things. because imagine my surprise seeing people call enha the most fanservicey group they’ve ever seen lol. y’all ever heard of vixx?

you guys also mentioned send off and dear lord. i think that was the true y/n takeover of the fandom. once people realized that enha genuinely like their fans and find interest in hearing about their lives ex. them asking us to post about our days on wv, watching engene vlogs, etc. they absolutely ran with it. i have been on entwt since enha debuted and never in my years have i seen so many people obsessed with the prospect of enha perceiving them? my entire tl got taken over by people making the same repetitive jokes about the boys being cheaters and selfies. like what do you mean we have celebrated 4 birthdays with jungwon and have never had an issue with canceling the selca day until this year and it was “oh but it’d be a cute surprise!” like you know what would be even cuter? him seeing cute sweet birthday messages under his tags and not your faces 🤗

anyways my main point is that while fanservice has increased it’s not the boys’ fault that things have gone to shit lol

i have noticed that sunghoon's been doing a lot more fanservice than before !! i remember i'd always say it's such a good day to be a jayhoon stan bc they never do fanservice 😭😭 but now hoon's playing up the parasocial relationship hard 😡 i do think it's honestly just belift seeing how their fanbase is like and trying to cater towards them more. since fanservice and the y/n treatment works then that's what they're gonna keep doing to retain their growth. but yeah i totally agree that i hope they can set more boundaries :// some of the fancalls feel so uncomfortable to watch because i feel like they're being held against their will 😭

that's also true!! i think engenes have a history for exaggerating things and making things more extreme than they need to be 🤧 like that fansign where people asked them if they're okay with their gf going to the movies with other guys or texting other guys LOL they definitely knew what was up and knew we'd like to hear some jealousy so they catered to that !! omg yeah i've heard some atrocious things they've been called and it makes me feel a little uncomfortable bc if that was being said about a random stranger,, i wouldn't like that person at all!! or i'd think they had incel mentality 😭 the fact that those get pushed on enha def feels weird but in terms of fanfiction i do think people are just writing them based on a trope, so i give authors the benefit of the doubt that they don't actually think that way !! but yeah the tweets that make them out to be sleazy....... like we don't know these men at all so these are very weird assumptions to make about people

the fate tour was definitely the rise of the y/n stans 😭😭 like EVERYTHING became about interactions and everything became a selfie trend (which i don't mind as long as it's harmless but having ensd on jungwon day???) but yeah idk if people realize it but the focus is slowly shifting from stanning enha as a group for their music and artistry to stanning them because they're boyfriend material and give their fans the y/n treatment 😔

[skyyworker]

i see the trans anakin tag has been neglected mmmmh okay well here’s this:

trans anakin but he just. he doesn’t tell anyone.

he starts wearing obi-wan’s old jedi robes, and everyone at the temple finds it endearing because anakin in his early teens follows obi-wan around like a duckling, so it’s not really surprising to see him try and look as much like his master as he can.

anakin on his part thinks that obi-wan’s clothes look much better on himself than his old robes, they’re cut in a way that makes him feel good and he spends way too much time staring at himself in the mirror with a stupid little smile plastered on his face.

then puberty hits and it’s shitty.

his chest grows and he feels so uncomfortable about it. other padawans are overjoyed about their own growth, they start talking about their crushes and things like that but anakin can’t get it out of his head how much some parts of his body make him feel... like they’re not his.

but, on the bright side, he starts growing taller. and taller. and yes he’s very smug about it, joking that one day soon he will grow taller than obi-wan.

he starts binding (or, stealing aayla’s sports bras, wearing two at a time, it’s uncomfortable but he looks so flat that when he looks in the mirror and sees himself he giggles). and everyone notices but they don’t say anything about it, only obi-wan comes forward to ask him if everything’s okay and ani’s like “uhmmmm yes. why?” in the most innocent voice possible

obi-wan shakes his head because whatever, as long as his padawan feels balanced in the force he’s going to leave it to him, and be there for him, and eventually anakin will trust him enough to open up about what’s going on.

anakin doesn’t lol he just keeps silently transitioning and gaslighting everyone around him. like yeah OBVIOUSLY “ani” stands for “anakin” and OF COURSE it’s a masculine name, the most masculine of them all on tatooine (he says when he’s sent on missions off planet. so, scattered here and there around the galaxy, there’s a bunch of aliens fully convinced that the most masculine name on tatooine -which is in the outer rim, so to be fair, it’s not their fault if they believe this mess of a kid- is “anakin”)

and then he goes to a mind healer and finally he gets a space-prescription for space-T and still he doesn’t tell anyone. no okay that might have been a little improper use of the force because he might’ve implied he had already been knighted, like strongly implied, like using-the-force implied. but it got him the T so whatever. also he’s like 17 now so he’ll be knighted soon in any case.

so he starts taking the T, he’s feeling good, he’s feeling great, he’s flat as can be (for now) and! slowly but surely his voice starts dropping! month after month until it’s been a year and a half! and when obi-wan accidentally replays one of his old holo recordings pre-T he can hear the difference and it’s so clear! (he storms out of the room because he’s feeling giddy and he has so much energy he needs to go find something to do because he can’t keep still).

yes yes obi-wan has caught on of course, he still feels like maybe he should say something, but for now he limits himself to waiting patiently and with open arms for his padawan while correcting anyone who might misgender him. he also buys anakin his first jedi robes, ones that fit him just like he wants them to. anakin is like *(fake) shocked pikachu face*. “fake” because c’mon no one who knows anakin skywalker, even by name only, would now say that he’s anything other than a man. but the shocked pikachu face in itself is real because his master??? went out of his way to make anakin happy???

your honor this is how anakin skywalker gaslit the whole galaxy and we stan

(these are the original tags i posted..... then deleted.......... then said fuck it i've rambled this far, might as well post them)

[scott-mccall-the-hot-girl]

my ultimate guide to thiam fic !!

( as a new teen wolf stan )

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the classic post war, long ass (multi chapter) fic !!with great development that genuinely made me laugh out loud, they have the best friendship in this & i love it very much. ( like theo teaches liam to drive and i just *happy sobs* ) a fundamental in thiam fanfiction !! all stans have probably already read it but if you haven’t this is in fact a threat ,, go show this vv iconic story some love !!

Airplanes - Captainmintyfresh

Summary: After the Anuk-ite and the hunters are dealt with Liam needs a break. Cue Theo and a road trip that Liam should know better than to think will be peaceful.

Not Rated, No Archive Warnings Apply, Completed, 43/43 Chapters, Words: 236,875 (236k)

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okay okay so this one is also post 6B !! but ,, now we introduce fighting monroe & the hunters again ,, so we get the boys & a new mission !! so if you like an intresting plot 11/10 would recommend !! just to be clear this ISN’T complete ,, if that turns you off i understand but definitely give this one a read !! it litterally have theo doing crossword puzzles & fighting zombies

Vacancy Signs - LovelyLittleGrim

Summary: Theo and Liam are in Manhattan negotiating a pack allyship when the zombie apocalypse breaks out. Now, the two of them have to find their way back to Beacon Hills without getting eaten by zombies or killing one another.

Rated: Explicit, Graphic Description of Violence, Not Completed, 15/17 Chapters, Words: 89,605 (89k)

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Royalty AU !! I REPEAT ROYALTY AU !! a fantastic au where i stan their moms more than i stan them !! genuinely so good at the childhood rivals to lovers trope !! i’m genuinely obsessed with this one. has made me cry more than once ,, hurts in a good way <3 the ending is just *chefs kiss* also one of the tags is genuinely: # theo and liam make bad choices for over 130k straight !! if that doesn’t sound appealing i don’t know what does !!

Artificial Love - songbvrd

Summary: Prince Theo and Prince Liam are forced to spend every Summer together from age five onwards. They hate each other, and usually find ways to make each other miserable as much as possible in their six weeks together. But when they're reunited because of intended unions as adults, things change. They're both supposed to be married to noble women, but neither of them is as interested in anyone else as they are with their childhood rival.

Rated: Mature, No Archive Warnings Apply, Completed, Chapters: 32/32, Words: 172,935 (172k)

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so if you are in the mood for a crack fic that’s not explicitally a crack fic this is for you !! okay so i’m really hit or miss with AU’s ,, sometimes i feel like they don’t quite capture the characters right but this story have the BEST dramatic liam i have ever seen in my life !! basically they all live in the same apartment building & it’s fantastic !! i saw this one floating around a lot but the summary didn’t really unrest me until i have it a shot !! so go read it rn !! also nolan & brett are genuinely fantastic and make me wheeze ,, LIKE ACTUALLY VERBALLY LAUGHING !! all i’m gonna say is that my fav characters are scott & the beetles but that won’t make actual sense until you read it !!

The Neighbors Song - TheodoreR

Summary: “I always hear you singing on your balcony every morning, but suddenly you’ve stopped?”

Or the one where Theo annoys Liam every morning with his awful singing until he doesn’t anymore and Liam is even more annoyed. Liam hates every single thing about his mornings -the fact that they happen in the morning alone is enough. The thing Liam hates the most about his mornings though is the terrible voice of the guy who lives below him. He can’t sing for shit and Liam tried to politely let him understand that by throwing flour and water on his balcony, and also by shouting it to him, you can’t sing for shit!, and then by writing it into a note he proceeded to attach to his door, but this Raeken guy just keeps doing it, every single morning, like a fucking rooster. Liam did nothing to deserve this. He probably didn’t do anything to deserve better either to be fair, he doesn’t expect to open his window and be welcomed by some angelic voice singing him good morning, he’d just be happy with nothing. Silence. That’s something Liam can appreciate in mornings. Just some bark from his dog and the sound of his misery and that’s it. But no, god forbid the new guy lets him have that.

Rated: Explicit, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Wanrings, Completed, 8/8 Chapters, Words: 42,814 (42k)

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me: i’m not a big fan of AU’s ,, proceeds to talk about ANOTHER au… OKAY BUT THIS ONE !! it’s not complete but the author has been updating regularly ,, vv slow burn !! but in a REALLY intresting way !! i lOVE LIAM IN THIS SO MUCH ,, he is such a diaster of a person and it’s wonderful !! they have a great dynamic & i’m sucker for general puppy pack content ( and erica reyes being a badass ) !! also theo plays lacrosse in this & i really like it ahhhhh ,, also liam is just being an artic monkeys stan the whole time & theo is like *que confused repressed gay noises*

Inglorious Roommates - honeyscape

Summary: A roommate is defined as “a person with whom one shares a room.”

Theo would say a roommate was more along the lines of, “The person who's the bane of his existence. The weirdo that sleeps for days. The spaz that exercises at 3am. The guy with a revolving door of annoying friends. An insufferable human being that Theo has no control over living in his room.”

Example: Theo hates his roommate Liam.

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okay okay i hate myself but i have another WIP for y’all !! this one is jUST FANTASTIC. i’m genuinely so upset it’s most likely not going to updated again *incoherent screaming ensues*. for this story ,, it’s very theo-centric bUT thats bc it ends right before liam becomes a concrete member of the story !! ANYWAY: basic plot = theo & acquiring not one but two children ,, so #dad theo but he is still crusty & homeless and i love him very much. it’s just so GOOD !! just read if you want to experience my fav theo coming out story & him etching high school musical

Look who's talking - Captainmintyfresh

Summary: Theo had been labeled many things in his life. Evil, failure, monster. He'd never thought Father would be one of those things but as he looked across the table to a six year old with blue smears of bubble gum icecream across her face trying to coax the first words out of her sister. Finger jabbing towards Theo's face as she repeated 'Daddy' again and again he couldn't bring himself to dispute the label.

(Theo accidentally adopts two young werewolves)

Not Rated, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings, Not Completed, Chapters: 16/?, Words: 48740 ( 48k )

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so here me out: post-canon ( poetry like angst ) summer get away !! just the boys doing cute little domestic things together whilst pining !! theo’s guilt in this is just so powerful & aGjffkgkkfkvkdlv !! i think it’s so interesting to see how they interact in this one, it’s just very heart warming !! and it features one of my favorite niche teen wolf tropes of theo being great with like seven year old girls- it’s just so good ,, very much a wonderful little one shot that just makes your heart happy.

(next time i see you you'll show me) a hundred different ways to say the same things - cherrysprite

Summary: “...You deserve good things,” Liam says eventually. He makes sure not to look at Theo even though he can feel his eyes turn on him. Somehow he can already tell that Theo doesn’t believe him.

Liam instantly makes that the goal of this summer - making Theo believe him.

Rating: Teen and Up, No Archive Warnings Apply, Chapters: 1/1, Words: 28875 ( 28k )

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okay so this next section of fic recs is a bit different !!

two of my favorite authors !! and a compilation of fics i’ve read by them both !!

for context: these two have written some genuinely gorgeous fics, like pure poetry, they explore the real gritty & scary side of our boys relationship in such a wonderful way. they’ve both used some of my favorite tropes & i love them very much !!

whenever i need something soothing but so genuinely intresting & enticing these are my go to !! ( also they both write a lot of good nolan angst & some vv good fics with hayden )

go check out:

eneiryu

as well as fallingforboys

here are some of my favorite fics by them ~

darling i want you here in my arms (kiss the pain away, i know you can) - fallingforboys

even before you touched me, i belonged to you (all you had to do was look at me) - fallingforboys

memories linger like tattoo scars (but your touch on my skin is just as permanent) - fallingforboys

skin, bones, a stolen heart, and an ugly creature lurking underneath -fallingforboys

i don't know how to breathe in the place i called home - fallingforboys

whisper your gossamer truths into the shadow, maybe you'll find the answers you're searching for - fallingforboys

between the mountains and the valley we built a monument to our regret - eneiryu

cracked the hinges of the cage and waited for you - eneiryu

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okay and finally: since i am a self centered whore

my own fic: an rendition of the # elevator scene

it’s basically my version of post canon if we did get the kiss in the elevator. we got a classic liam pov in which he is has 12/10 for extreme bi diaster energy even whilst being shot at !! so go him ig…

Fuck Off, Fuck This & Fuck It! - nefelibata_peach

Summary: Liam thought to himself heart rate climbing, they were bound to be dead by morning. So he thought with everything but his brain and he kissed him.

Where Liam Dunbar is very confused, slightly traumatized, and just a bit scared but hey, aren't they all! Bad decisions ensue as two boys fight in a war they never did sign up for.

Rating: Teen and Up, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Chapters: 1/1, Words: 3558 ( 3k )

[ynscrazylife]

i’m a simple gal...... i like seeing natasha being overprotective and a little homicidal SO could i please request some cute mentor!almost itherlynat x reader? maybe reader gets badly hurt during training or someone on the team hurts her feelings? mamabear stabs? 🥺

More Than A Mentor | n.r fluff fic

Summary: After an accident, Y/N realizes her and Natasha’s relationship goes beyond mentor and mentee.

Authors Note: Thank you for requesting! I’ve missed writing Marvel/Natasha.

MCU Masterlist #1 | MCU Masterlist #2 | Main Masterlist

Request to be on a Taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

header c @/marvelocks

Natasha was not an easy mentor, and Y/N learned that quickly. She was understanding and patient, yes, but she also knew when to push Y/N and went to be a little stricter. 

The thing was, Y/N was never completely sure what side she’d get of her mentor at what time - though she found herself not having to worry about it after . . . The Accident. 

That disastrous day would go down in the team’s history, yet no one liked to talk about it. It was a day Y/N would never forget: it changed . . . everything.

It was one of the rare days that Y/N wasn’t training with Natasha. She had a meeting with Fury so Steve filled in for her. Y/N was not accustomed to training with a super soldier, and had to quickly adjust (it didn’t make it any easier that he had his shield, too). 

She was doing well - at least, she wanted to think that she was - and so far had deflected almost every punch from Steve, managing to get one or two punches against him herself. 

Nonetheless, the air was knocked out of her when Steve slammed her against the mat. She grunted, angry only fueling the pain when she saw that stupid smirk on his face, and used that to her advantage; he wouldn’t expect her to recover so quickly (and in truth, neither did she) but she did it anyway, throwing all her weight against the Captain. She secured he legs around his waist like Natasha taught her and, using the strength in her legs and pushing his broad shoulders, just about managed to get herself out from being pinned on the mat. Now, though, they were both sorta sitting on the mat, so Y/N kneed him in the chest, pushing him down. 

“You’re good,” he whispered, just slightly out of breath, before he - seemingly without using any strength at all - threw her to the side where she rolled. 

Y/N cursed under her breath, getting her feet. It was impossible to win against a super-soldier! Think, Y/N, think, what did Natasha teach you? Cmon! 

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Steve grabbing his shield, and got in a stance to either catch it or evade it - she hadn't decided yet - when yells distracted her. In her hyped up, adrenaline-pumped state, the first thing that came to Y/N’s mind was that someone was hurt. She was about to call of the training when a large, solid force smacked into her stomach, sending her flying into the air where she hit the wall, losing consciousness. 

Steve's eyes widened, not thinking it’d actually hit her, and jumped into action. “Who the hell screamed?” The blonde yelled as he ran to his fallen teammate. He carefully turned her on her back and looked her over for injuries, seeing bruises and bleeding starting to form on her stomach and ankle and her head bleeding. 

Bucky and Sam practically crashed inside the room, trying to beat each other. 

“He threatened me!” Sam exclaimed. 

“He tried to steal my metal arm!” Bucky defended. 

Both men came to a screeching halt when they digested the scene, though. Steve rolled his eyes at his idiotic friends and tried to put pressure on Y/N’s head wound. “Sam, get Bruce, please. Tell him to prepare med - and Bucky, get Natasha. She’ll want to be here,” he ordered, and the men nodded, guilty. 

Steve carefully picked Y/N up in his arms and hoisted her into the air, carrying her to med where Bruce and Helen were, Sam explaining the situation to them. Instantly, Helen jumped into action. She instructed Steve to lay Y/N down on one of the med’s beds and then ushered the men out of the room, where she then began grabbing various medical things and assessing Y/N’s injuries, instructing Bruce to hook her up to an IV.

Steve and Sam stood outside, not saying a word to each other, both pacing back and forth. They did not have to be silent for long, though, because pounding footsteps soon approached and the men looked up to see a very furious Natasha with Bucky trailing behind her. 

The redhead’s eyes fell onto the closed med doors and huffed, turning back to Steve. “I leave her with you for training one day and she gets hurt?!” She demanded, crossing her arms and glaring at him. 

Steve swallowed. “Nat, I-” He began to say, but was cut off. 

“What happened?” Natasha asked. 

Steve glanced up at her, first irritated when she asked him a question and then interrupted him whilst he was answering, but backed off when he saw the urgency, the nervousness in her eyes; she was scared. Scared that Y/N was really hurt and guilty. 

“We were training. I threw my shield at her, expecting her to catch it or duck . . . But Sam and Buck distracted her and it hit her,” he said, not wanting to throw his friends under the bus but also knowing he had to be truthful.

Natasha stood in place, processing the information. She took a breath, and had almost completely calmed down when Bucky decided to open his mouth.

“Y’know, if anything we tested her. What if someone yelled during a mission? Is she gonna get distracted then?” He mumbled, not really meaning it but wanting to spare him and Sam Natasha’s wrath.

Karma’s a bitch, though, because it did the exact opposite.

If you blinked you’d miss it: Natasha swiftly turned and pushed Bucky against the wall, pinning him there with his hands above his hand.

“Don’t you dare start blaming this on Y/N, you hear me?” She said in a low tone, glaring.

Bucky quickly nodded and Natasha released him. When she did, the door opened and Helen appeared.

“She’ll be okay—” Helen began, and Natasha let out a breath of relief, “—but she does need to be off training for at least a month. She has a concussion, broken ankle, and . . . the shield sort of stabbed her in her stomach.”

It took a couple moments for all four to digest this. Steve paled and Natasha’s crossed arms for tighter as she bit her lip. “Can I see her?” She asked.

“She’s still unconscious, but yes,” Helen answered, nodding.

Natasha almost failed to contain the gasp lurching to leave her throat when she saw Y/N, all bandaged up. The spy gulped and sat down beside her, not knowing what else to do other than sit there, and had no clue what she’d say when Y/N woke up because she sure as hell wasn’t leaving her. Thankfully, Natasha had some time to think it out.

Almost a day later and Natasha hadn’t left — Clint had convinced her to go sleep and eat for a couple hours, but that was it — and now, Y/N woke up.

“Ms. Romanoff?” Y/N murmured in a haze of confusion, squinting her eyes to see her mentor curled up in a chair, reading a big book.

Natasha snapped her head up and immediately sat forward, a smile covering her face. “Y/N! You’re awake? How are you feeling? And how many times have I told you to call me ‘Natasha’?”

Y/N blushed but nodded. “I’m fine, probably the painkillers’ doing though . . . How long was I out?” She said.

“Around a day,” Natasha answered.

“Did you . . . Did you stay here?” Y/N asked again, a little smaller this time, playing with her blanket.

“Most of it, yeah,” Natasha murmured, relaxing into the chair.

“Really? You’re-you’re not mad?” Y/N said, eyes wide and jaw dropped in surprised.

Natasha scrunched her face up. “What? No — of course I’m not mad! You’re like my daughter! How could I be—?”

Natasha was cut off by Y/N’s loud, yet thankful gasp. The teenager sat up and wrapped her arms around Natasha and, after a moment, Natasha smiled and wrapped her arms around her too.

Y/N truly was like her daughter, and mothers were always protective over their children.

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[jerzwriter]

Delaying the Inevitable - Chapter 22A - To Make You Feel My Love

Book: Open Heart 3 (Post Series)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC, Tobias Carrick x MC

Rating: Chapter: Teen

Summary: Extended Series WIP – Love Triangle. In this chapter: Casey looks for the perfect gift for Tobias, and presents Ethan with his… Vivian counsels her son… The Edenbrook Holiday party is underway and Casey encounters an old love, and maybe a new?

Category: Extended Series (WIP)

Warnings: Language (I’m sure at some point… it’s me)

A/N: Hey. Chapter 22 became a monstrosity in size. So I’m breaking it up. This one leaves off… in a way… but don’t hate me. I’m releasing 22 Part 2 tonight after midnight EST. I’m not torturing you that much.

A/N 2: Ethan stans. Tobias stans were patient. See if you can do the same. 😊

A/N 3: I’m leaving these two things as a permanent note: This is a love triangle – that means Casey loves more than one person. I’ve made that clear from the start. Casey won’t make her choice until the final chapter. So no, it’s not a foregone conclusion. I’ve made that clear for a while. And while Team Ethan, and Team Tobias, and Team God I’m Torn exist out there, there is only one that matters to me and that is Team Casey.

A/N 4: I hope those who are not happy with the current arc stick around, but I can’t force you. 😊See you tomorrow, folks.

CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY STUDIOS

If you wish to be added or removed from tags, please let me know. Comments and reblogs always appreciated. 😊

“Hey, Mom, what’s up?”

“What’s up? What’s up are those gorgeous photos I saw on Pictagram this morning! I’m not up 20 minutes and I have already received calls from two of my friends in DC as well as your Auntie Sherrie inquiring about them. Now, what exactly am I supposed to tell them, Tobias?”

“Oh, I don’t know? My son and his friend put up a beautiful tree in their condo last night, they put on some silly Santa hats and took some pictures. Isn’t that hard?”

“Hmmm… except Casey isn’t exactly a friend now, is she? And don’t think that doesn’t come across in those pictures! Besides, last I checked I thought you lived in your condo. Now you want me to say that it is “their” condo. Not that I have any problem with that.”

“Of course, you don’t,” he laughed.

“How is Casey’s present coming along, dear? Was Hector able to help you with the restoration?”

“Yes! He is a magician! It’s almost done and the photos he sent… man, I put them next to the one Casey’s dad gave me from when she was a child and, you would hardly notice the difference.”

“Oh! I am so happy to hear that! Hector is a genius! If anyone could do it, it is him! It’s so important to have the perfect gift for Casey, son. Not only for you but for me as well.”

“It’s important to you?” he chuckled.

“Don’t play with me son. You know I will not rest until that lovely young woman is my daughter-in-law. She is a treasure. I am already losing patience with you for not sealing this deal. I thought I raised you better.”

“You raised me just fine, Ma,” he laughed, “and trust me, Casey, thinks very highly of you, too.”

“I know. We text all the time. If things don’t work out between the two of you two, I may adopt her and cut you loose.”

“Wow. I’m hurt.”

“Oh, you know I kid. But since I am keeping you around, this begs another question. What does the man who has everything, you, want for Christmas this year?”

“I honestly don’t need anything Ma…”

“Apparently your listening comprehension skills have not improved since childhood. I didn’t ask what you needed, I asked what you wanted. You are impossible to buy for! And it’s not just me asking, your beautiful girlfriend wants to know too!”

“My girlfriend, huh,” he shook his head laughing.

“Why are you laughing, son?”

“Well, because leave it to you to find the one thing that I don’t have after all.”

____________________

“I have no idea what to get him, Si. I mean, the man has everything.”

“He doesn’t have you.”

“Sienna!”

“Sorry, it just seems so obvious.”

“Can you focus on the task at hand?”

“Well, you enjoy cooking together… or rather, you enjoy watching him cook. How about something for the kitchen?”

“No, it’s so… impersonal. Plus, he already has so much. I’m at a loss. Maybe Vivian will be able to get some answers out of him for me.”

“You and Vivian have gotten close?”

“Oh, she is amazing! Witty, sharp, takes no crap, but she’s got this beautiful soul, a heart of gold. I wish she lived closer to here.”

“Hmmm. Sounds to me like the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.”

“Well, I don’t think she had the scoundrel phase Tobias went through,” Casey laughed, “she was none too pleased to hear of some of his exploits during those times.”

“You outed him!”

“A girl has to have some fun.”

Casey’s face fell as she took on a more serious tone. “You know, I was unpacking a box I had left in the back of my closet the other day and… I came across a gift I had purchased for Ethan late in the summer, I put it away in hopes of giving it to him for Christmas. With everything,” she waved her hand dismissively, “I had forgotten about it.”

“Oh, I’m sorry Case. That must have been difficult.”

She smiled sadly. “It was sad. It made me think about the way I thought the holidays would be this year. I thought I’d be with Ethan, we’d be sharing his apartment,” she looked to Sienna who gave her a knowing look, “I thought we’d be engaged. My life… it seemed so mapped out, so certain… yet, look how it turned out.”

“So, how does that all make you feel? Are you doing OK with it?”

“It just seems surreal. Unsettling. I’ve learned in more than one way that life can turn on a dime and, it makes me scared, Si. I know that nothing in life is certain, not even life itself. Yet, on the other hand, being aware of how fleeting life, love, everything can be… I appreciate the things I have so much more. My health, my career, my family, my amazing friends… I know I’m so blessed, even though… everything doesn’t work out as planned sometimes.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’re doing amazing. You’re doing what you’re supposed to do a few months back I would have never thought you’d be so festive and embracing the holiday spirit, and here you are! That says something about you, Casey!”

“Yeah, it says sometimes a therapist and knowing when to go on Wellbutrin is a good idea,” Casey laughed.

“Well, yeah! That is part of it! Getting the help you need, whatever that help is.”

“Well, you’ve been a big part of that help, Sienna.” She gave her friend a side-hug as they walked on. “I couldn’t ask for a better friend.”

“Well, you give as good as you get there! And as your friend, it’s my job to get you back on track. What are you going to get for Tobias? I’m assuming a boudoir photoshoot would be out of the question…”

“Sienna!!!!” Casey said hitting her arm, as the two women continued their shopping.

____________________

The morning of the Edenbrook Holiday Party was always a special day. Many departments held informal luncheons, festive music played in the halls, and it seemed that every person entering the building, visitors, and staff alike, brought a tray of cookies to share. If co-workers exchanged gifts, this was the day they did it. Because of the awkwardness within the diagnostic team right now, they decided to skip their annual grab bag. Casey was the one who implemented the tradition, so seeing it go saddened her. But she had learned that life was about adjustment, the only constant was change. She refused to concentrate on the negative when there was so much good surrounding her.

She was the late person on the team’s calendar that day, so she would not be going to the party with her friends. Sienna and Tobias both offered to stay behind so they could accompany her there, but she insisted they head off to the pre-party festivities at Donahue’s, she’d catch up with them back at the hospital later. She smiled because that also meant she would likely have the chance to watch them in an inebriated state while she was still decidedly sober, always good for blackmail material later on!

With all the activity, the day passed by quickly. Casey returned to the team’s office to gather her belongings before she left. She took out a large shopping bag she brought from home. Based on prior years, she knew she’d be heading back with a small haul of trinkets from patients and staff, and she was prepared. But her heart skipped a beat when she opened it up. Ethan’s gift lay at the bottom of the bag, and she was still unsure about what to do with it. She considered leaving it on his desk anonymously, but it seemed cowardly. He would undoubtedly know it was from her and it could send the wrong message in different ways. She picked the box up, mindlessly caressing the shiny gift wrap as she contemplated what to do. Suddenly, a deep voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Casey?”

“Ethan,” she jumped. “I didn’t’ think you were still here.”

“Well, I am. I’m sorry to startle you. I thought you’d be long gone to get ready for the party tonight.”

“Well, I’m on the late tonight. You know that.”

He shrugged. “I should have told you to go. I’m sorry. You can head out if you like. I’ll take care of anything you need to do. I’m not going to the party so it’s not a big deal to me.”

“Oh, you’re not going?”

He looked at her from under his glasses with a sad smile. “I’m not feeling particularly festive this year.”

Casey looked down at her hands and swallowed, “Well, I… I hope that changes for you in the future.”

She began to put the gift back into her bag but suddenly veered course.

“Ethan,” she said abruptly, “do you have a moment?”

“For you? Always.”

Though said with sincerity, he instantly knew his word choice was poor. Casey’s face, which had shown slight signs of warmth just moments before, turned bitter. For you? Always. He knew he had no right to use those words with her, not after how horribly he had treated her. He considered apologizing but that might only make things worse. To his great relief, the intensity of her gaze quickly reverted to what it had been before.

“This is a little bit awkward,” she said as she sat in front of his desk. “I bought this for you earlier this year. I planned on giving it to you on Christmas, but….”

“Casey, you don’t have to…”

“I wasn’t sure what to do when I found it, but I think you should have it. So, here.”

She abruptly handed the gift to him as she stood to leave. “I hope you like it.”

“Casey, wait. Would you please stay while I open it?”

She let out a small breath and bit the inside of her lips.

“Sure. But just for a couple of minutes. I still have to go home and get ready.”

“I promise not to keep you.”

She slumped back into her chair, immediately questioning her decision. The doors that were shut between the two of them were shut for good reason. She didn’t want to open them, at least not now. She didn’t know if it was the holidays that made her soft, or perhaps the look of sad desperation on Ethan’s face. He didn’t deserve her empathy, not after all that had transpired, but it wasn’t about who Ethan was or what he had done, it was about who she was. And she was not one to walk away from someone in need, even if it were to her own detriment. She immediately made a mental note to share with her therapist later this week. But now, she sat with a pensive look on her face as Ethan gingerly tore at the elegant wrapping.

A look of genuine shock passed over him as his jaw fell slack. For a split second, she saw something she hadn’t seen in his face in a long time, not since before Louise began showing signs of regression, he appeared… joyful.

“Casey!” he gasped, “Casey, is this….”

“It’s the performance of La Traviata you attended at Teatro La Fenice. I know you had always been looking for it, so I….”

“How… how did you find this? I had searched for a copy for years before I finally gave up.”

“Well, you know me. I don’t give up when I want something badly enough.”

Ethan’s eyes fixed on her; she was right. When she wanted something, she fought relentlessly to get it. The only reason they had a past worth remembering was because of her. She was the one who was brave, he was the one who pushed away and ran. He was the one who hurt her, but in the end, he hurt himself most of all. Now, she was moving on, and he was lost in the reality of the destruction caused by his own hand. He was finally aware, yet still afraid to take the next step to bring him to a better future. How the tides had turned, she came to Edenbrook hoping to be like him, and now, he wished more than anything that he had been like her.

“You are right. You don’t. Thank you, Casey… this means so much to me. I think I’ll listen to it tonight and, I’ll always treasure this.”

He stared down at the box, shutting his eyes tight to prevent tears from falling. A sadness gripped his chest and claimed his voice as his mind went to Casey’s ring, locked away in a box in his closet. It was almost as beautiful as she was. When he had imagined this year’s holiday party, he saw the two of them, finally open, out together with the ring on her hand for the whole world to see. She was his, he was hers and they were meant to be. But now, it sat in a box of memories that were never to be realized, it would never see the light of day and there was only one person to blame.

Breathing felt like too great of a task and Casey noticed his distress. Part of her wanted to escape. After all, he had put her through, he had no right to expect her to be supportive. You don’t get to break someone and ask them to comfort you for what you did. Yet, she could not pull herself away. So, she remained in her chair, even as a tempest of emotions began to stir inside her.

He decided to speak through his quivering voice.

“I had bought something for you too. I have it back at home, but… it’s no longer appropriate. But, I feel like I should have something to give you…”

Casey lowered her eyes. She knew exactly what gift he was referring to. The memory of the day she and Sienna accidentally came across the ring flooded her mind.

“Oh my God, Si, is this what I think it is?”

Sienna clasped her mouth and gasped, “I mean, it really can’t be anything else…”

“Oh my God, Si, I didn’t do this! It was on the shelf, and when I pulled the notebook off it hit me on the head, and then it fell to the floor, and I swear to God I was not snooping!”

Sienna just stared with her hands over her nose and mouth.

“Sienna, say something, what should I do. I mean, I had no idea, and now I feel so bad…but, Jesus does he has good taste or what?”

“Good taste?!? Casey, that’s a 3-carat diamond with side stones, that’s not good taste, that’s a fucking masterpiece. OH MY GOD CASEY, he’s going to propose!”

Sure, she thought bitterly, he was going to propose. How does one go from wanting to marry her to putting her out with no place to go, when she had done nothing wrong? When all she did was love him. The excuse of “he’s damaged” was no more than enabling, she could see that now. He had damaged her, more than once, and it had lasting effects, but she knew she had no right to take it out on others. Why did she stay? This was too painful. She needed to leave, but she wanted to do it gracefully.

“Ethan, it’s not necessary. Please, don’t get me anything. But….” She trailed off.

“But?”

“Do you understand that all I ever really wanted was for you to be happy?” she asked, her emotion evident in her voice. “Even if it was to my own detriment. Before we were together, while we were together… even now… after everything. You deserve to be free of ghosts that haunt you. You deserve to put the pain in the past and to truly live. And you could if you weren’t so goddamned stubborn. You may not see it yourself right now, but you’re a good person Ethan; but, by not fixing things, you’re doing things that are very, very wrong. You know the path to make things right for you, you know what to do. If you want to give me a gift, fix yourself, Ethan. One day, allow me to look at you and see something other than pain.”

His lack of response spoke more than any answer ever could and the discomfort in the room became to be more than Casey could bear. She wanted out. She wanted to go back to her new life, where this sort of worry didn’t shroud every day. She was allowed to feel for him, she realized, but that did not mean she needed to be absorbed by it. She fought too hard to be where she was today. It was time to leave.

“Well. I really should be going. I’m already going to be arriving late tonight, and….”

“Yes, of course. Thank you again, Casey. For getting this for me, for not just throwing in the trash after all that has happened…. I will treasure it always.”

“I’m glad you like it,” she smiled sadly. “Goodbye, Ethan.”

She turned and she was gone. Once again, he watched as she walked out a door, needing to get away from him. He sat back in his chair staring in wonderment at her gift; he truly had no idea how she found this…but she was right… that’s who she was. She didn’t give up. He closed his eyes desperately wanting the release that tears would bring, but no matter how he tried, they would not come.

____________________

She stalled and took a final look at her reflection in the glass doors before she entered the hospital lobby. Her long blonde hair was pulled to the side, creating a cascade of loose blonde curls that skimmed down past her shoulders. Her make-up was perfectly applied, her matte lips just a shade lighter than the deep burgundy gown that hugged her every curve. She took a deep breath, suddenly nervous. Was the plunging sweetheart neckline too much for a work event? Jackie and Sienna assured her it was fine and if they said so, well, if Sienna said so, it had to be true, right? She considered paging a friend so she wouldn’t have to walk in alone, and she wasn’t sure why she felt that way. Or perhaps she did, after all, she had turned denial into an art form. A few moments passed and the frigid December temperatures helped push her to finally step inside.

_____

“So, my friend, you think we can set up a little boy’s night out soon?” Bryce asked Tobias seated at the bar. “I’ve barely seen you since you got married.”

Tobias gave him the side-eye.

“You know damn well I’m not coupled, much less married. You also know our schedules have not meshed. You’re always welcome at my place, you never need an invite. In fact, given how much pleasure it gives me taking you down a peg or two, you’d actually be doing me a favor.”

“Well, Casey did suggest the idea of a weekly game night…. That may be just what the doctor ordered. Speaking of doctors, here come my favorite former residents.”

“Yeah, unlike you, meathead,” Jackie grinned.

“Hey, I’m quickly catching up!”

Sienna was spinning around in wonderment. Her mouth was agape as she took in the atrium twinkling lights and dangling icicles everywhere, it was a virtual winter wonderland.

“Hey, Si, you OK, you look like you’re in another world?”

“Yes, it’s just… wow, Edenbrook really outdid themselves this year! I don’t think I could even make it look this good!”

“Well, that’s highly doubtful, Sienna. You would likely have all this plus life-sized gingerbread castles scattered throughout,” Tobias chuckled.

“Delicious gingerbread castles… that she would prohibit us from eating until the event was over,” Raf laughed.

“Of course!” she smirked. “They’d be part of the décor! But it’s hard to imagine this place looking more magical.”

Bryce turned his head toward the entrance just as Casey made her entrance. He could tell that she was attempting to be inconspicuous, but that was an impossibility.

“Holy shit,” he said, slapping Tobias’s shoulder. “I thought it was impossible for the room to be any more beautiful, and, just like that, it is.” He turned to his friend with a shit-eating grin, “Don’t you agree, Tobias?”

Tobias hoped he didn't really expect an answer. How could he possibly speak when his breath was taken away.

“And there is so much mistletoe around here,” Bryce winked. “I think

“Oh, it’s definitely possible to miss it!" Jackie laughed. "I am meandering around it right now to avoid having to kiss you, Lahela.”

Bryce flashed his bright smile and placed a kiss on Jackie’s cheek before she had a chance to protest. “There! Now, all of your dreams have come true. It's a holiday miracle!”

“ICK!” Jackie exclaimed, wiping her cheek. “More like The Nightmare Before Christmas!”

“Hey, T. You can look in another direction, you know,” Bryce teased.

“Tobias, what gives? You have a thing for Casey?” Raf asked.

“Always quick on the uptake, aren’t you,” Jackie said with a roll of her eyes. “Hey, Casey! Over here.”

Tobias averted his gaze. He may have been a lovesick fool, but he wasn't about to let her catch him looking that way.

Bryce shook his head in amusement. Tobias. His good friend T. The man with the worst pick-up lines, but it didn't matter. Delivered with cocky confidence and his seductive smile, they worked every time. Yet when it came to Casey, he was rendered to being a speechless seventh-grade boy with a crush on the prettiest girl in the class. His friend had it bad, and it wasn’t showing any signs of changing.

“Hey, guys!” Casey said hugging each one. “This place looks incredible tonight!”

“It sure does,” Raf replied. “Would you like a drink? We’re all a few steps ahead of you?”

“Sure," Casey grinned. "Come on, I’ll walk you to the bar.”

Bryce, Sienna, and Jackie all turned and glared at Tobias. Jackie & Sienna’s arms folded blatantly in front of their chests.

“What?!?” He asked with annoyance.

“If you don’t do something tonight, I will lose any and all respect for you. Now, granted, I never had much to begin with, but you’re in danger of going into the negatives, my friend," Bryce jeered.

“I mean, maybe not in front of the whole place,” Sienna cautioned, “We are still at a work event, but there are plenty of little alcoves you can veer off into, and we're willing to cover for you.”

“Mmmm,” Bryce quickly swallowed his drink, “or you can always remember something you need to discuss with her back in the office.”

“And we all know what happens in offices during holiday parties,” Jackie said as Bryce gave her a high five.

“I’m surrounded by freaking comedians,” Tobias grumbled before gulping his drink.

“Except, no one is laughing,” Jackie smirked.

“Well, as much fun as this is, I’m going to go talk to the new x-ray tech. He's too cute to be sitting all alone. Watch and learn, T!”

“I’m going to see some of my co-workers in peds too," Sienna announced. "I'll be back in a bit, and there will be dancing!”

“That leaves you and me, T!” Jackie smiled.

“Jackie, you have no idea how much that frightens me.”

“I don't know why you and Lahela are both so scared of me! But I like it. Someone has to keep the two of you in line.”

“Hey, well, I don’t mind helping with that!” Casey smiled as she slid into a barstool next to them.

“Well, this is my lucky night!" Tobias declared. "Flanked by the two most beautiful women here. I don’t know what you did to deserve this.”

“Apparently, not a damn thing because it's short-lived. I see Harper motioning for me and Casey to come over,” Jackie said.

“How do you know that doesn’t include me?” Tobias asked.

“Because she told me she wants to introduce me and Casey to the woman she’s speaking to. She is the director for the American Women’s Medical Association. Unless you’re interested in joining?”

“Nah, I’m good here with my beer,” he laughed.

People were still arriving, and the DJ’s assistant was making her way around, asking attendees if they’d like to make any requests.

“Hey,” she smiled flirtatiously as she eyed Tobias, “anyone special you’d like to make a dedication to tonight?”

“No," he answered cordially. "But thank you.”

“Hmm… so you don't have a special someone here," she grinned. "I’m delighted to hear that. But, if you should change your mind, you know where to find me."

She walked off with a wink, and Tobias shook his head and returned to his beer, his eyes fixed on Casey across the room. She was smiling, her hair flipping back as she laughed. She was just magnificent. There was no way he was getting over her, but there was no way he would ever try to make it more. He tapped his fingers against the bar and jumped out of his seat. He hadn’t realized that Jackie and Casey had moved across the room, not far from the DJ booth where he was heading.

“Hey,” he said tapping the DJ’s assistant on the shoulder.

“Hey!” She grinned.

“I uhm. I changed my mind. I'd like to dedicate a song to someone.”

“Oh,” she said, as her smile faded. “What’ll it be.”

He stood in contemplation as if the fate of the world depended on his choice.

“To Make You Feel My Love, Adele’s version,” he smiled confidently.

“Oh, that’s far too deep for the dedication to be for me. Damn it!" she teased.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he chuckled.

“So, who is the lucky person we should send this out to?”

He hesitated, not able to answer.

"Or I could just say who it's from, and let the lucky girl or guy guess?”

“You know what... just say this is going out to someone special, from someone who's still not able to admit it.”

“Well, don’t let that go on forever,” she advised. “Life’s too short to miss out on a good thing, no matter where it takes you. But I’ll do my part to nudge you in that direction.”

“Thanks.”

When he turned and walked away, he was oblivious to Casey and Jackie, standing just feet away. A look of panic on Casey's face.

“Holy fucking shit, Case!!! You know that's for you!! Where is Sienna? I have to tell her.”

“No, Jackie, you will do no such thing! We… we don’t even know if he meant me.”

Jackie looked at Casey with disgust. “Do I need to call the reality police for you? It's you, dumbass. And totally better go snag him for a dance when that comes on… or I swear, I will kick you…”

“Hi, Naveen! I’ve been looking for you!” Casey beamed as she raised her eyebrow at Jackie. She had her out.

_____

Jackie marched off to find her friends and found Bryce, Sienna, and Raf sitting at a table next to the dance floor.

“Bryce, what are you doing here?” she asks, “Did you crash and burn that quickly?”

“He got back with his ex,” he shrugged. "Easy come, easy go."

“Likely story!" She spat. "Anyway, we have a mission if we choose to accept it, and I’m telling you, you all choose to accept it.”

“Jackie! Slow down, you’re frantic! What’s going on?” Raf asked.

“Tobias just dedicated a song to Casey! Not only song, a freaking disgustingly romantic song!”

Sienna covered her mouth and gasped and Raf’s jaw dropped.

“I guess we should get you up to speed, Raf." Bryce started. "Tobias is madly in love with Casey. And Casey has it bad for him, but they’re too goddamn stupid to do anything about it. So Jackie's just delivered some pretty big news."

“Well... yes and no,” Jackie faltered.

“It can never be easy, can it?” Bryce said, throwing his hands in the air.

“Nope, it can’t. So, he dedicated a song but didn't mention her by name. It's going to go out to “someone special” from “someone who isn’t ready to say yet” or some shit like that.”

Bryce shook his head, displeased.

“When all this is all out, I am so kicking his ass just for coming up with that shit.”

“I’ll help you!” Jackie agreed. “But for now, let’s at least get those morons to dance to the song together.”

“How do we do that?” Raf asked.

“Well, Casey knows.”

“WHAT?!” Sienna gasped. “How does she know.”

“Because we accidentally overheard him talking to the DJ! But of course, our brilliant but dense friend isn’t convinced he didn't mean it for her."

“Who the fuck does she think it is for?!?!” Bryce yelled.

“Shhhhh!,” Sienna chided, "Your drawing attention this way. What song did he pick, Jackie?"

“To Make You Feel My Love.”

Sienna covered her mouth as her eyes began to water.

“Oh my God! I think I'm going to cry!”

“Sienna, so help me God if you do….”

“Oh, stop, Jackie," Raf interrupted. "It is really romantic.”

“Thank you, Raf.”

“CAN WE SKIP TO THE SUBJECT!!!!” Jackie yelled.

Bryce was still shaking his head. “How does she not see it's for her?"

“She realizes,” Sienna replied. "But she's probably afraid."

“None of this matters!" Jackie insisted. "We just have to get them to dance to it and let nature take its course. So, what's our game plan.”

“I can shame Tobias when the time comes,” Bryce offered.

“And I can coax Casey,” Sienna chimed.

“I can watch them to make sure neither tries to leave the room,” Raf added.

“I can do that, too," Jackie nodded. "I'm also happy to threaten them if need be…”

“That may be too direct. OK, set up a group text for the four of us; we are so don't this. Operation Let’s End This Shit Already is underway!” Bryce grinned.

____________________

Upstairs Ethan had yet to leave his office. After Casey left, he sat thinking for a good, long time. Her parting words hit hard. The best gift would be healing himself. For three years he denied her everything: confirmation, legitimacy, truth. He didn’t give her what she so fully deserved, his time, his attention, his undying love. It took her nearly dying for him to even begin to make those strides and, when he finally surrendered, he wanted to give her the world. But looking back, the only thing he should have given her is what she asked for tonight, healing himself. By not doing that, everything they had was built like a house of cards it was only a matter of time before the wind came and knocked it all down.

He couldn’t leave the building because he knew she’d be coming back. The desire just to be near was insatiable. He knew she didn’t want it and he knew if he wanted so much as friendship from her it would be best for him to lay back right now. That bit of interaction today was a step in the right direction, it was more than he deserved. He shouldn’t overstep.

Yet, he walked to the closet and slipped on the suit jacket and fresh tie he kept there, just in case there was an emergent board meeting or unexpected VIP visitor. I just want to be near her. I won’t talk to her. He changed his shoes. I won’t engage at all. Slipped on the fresh jacket. I’ll linger on the sides. I just want to see her. He promised himself, yet even as he did, he knew it was a lie.

He stood in a corridor, watching from a distance. The party was now filled with revelers, so it was next to impossible to spot her. He moved inside and lingered around the perimeter, honestly, not too far from where he would normally be found during an event like this. Well, at least until there was Casey. He found a dark, quiet spot near the staff entrance. It offered him a good vantage point where he could watch unobstructed. But he still never caught sight of her.

This is ridiculous. I need to go home.

Then, there she was. Across the room speaking with Naveen and Dr. Tanaka. She was a vision. Talking to Naveen and Dr. Tanaka, afforded him the easiest possible way for him to walk over and segue into the conversation. But he knew he shouldn’t. He knew she’d probably scurry away. He found his left leg glued to the floor, and the right wanting to run to her. He didn’t know which one would when the tap came to his shoulder.

“Hi,” Harper said handing him a glass of scotch. “I never see you at one of these things without one in your hand. I figured you haven’t made your way to the bar because you’re over here acting like a creepy stalker. So, I thought I’d lend a friend a hand.”

He was caught. “Thank you,” he smiled.

“Now,” she said tugging his arm, “let’s go find a table. Because you need a talking to, and as a friend who loves you, I am not taking no for an answer.”

She commandeered a small cocktail table in a secluded corner.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m attending the hospital’s holiday party, why are you acting like it’s such an anomaly.”

“Because you’re not attending it, you’re lurking. You were quite clear that you weren’t coming this evening. Yet, here you are, standing at the staff entrance hell bend on… on… on…”

Ethan had completely tuned her out. She turned and followed his gaze. Of course, there she was.

“Ethan,” Harper said snapping her fingers in front of his face.

“What?”

“You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?”

“Of course, I did! You said… you said… you… OK, I never heard a word you said.”

“What are you doing, Ethan? You know damn well this is not healthy.”

“It’s not…” he stopped, snorting, he shook his head.

Harper turned around once again. Tobias had joined Casey & Naveen, and even Harper could see the change in Casey’s demeanor after he arrived. She softened, her eyes were aglow, and her smile was brighter, it was impossible to miss. Harper had seen it before, it was the way Casey used to be when she was around Ethan.

“Ethan, I hate to say this to you, but you have to let go. I can’t tell you to fight for her because, I can’t lie, what you did to her was too cruel. I know she is being very admirable and trying to establish a good working relationship with you, but you honestly have no right to push for more. That is something that only she can decide to do if she ever wants to.”

“You think I don’t know that? Why do you think I’m lurking in corners, or even sitting here with you? I just to get a glimpse of her,” he sighed deeply. “Then, what do I see, her beaming next to Tobias. You’re one hundred percent right, Harper. This isn’t healthy and if I saw anyone else doing this, I’d be the first to tell them.”

“Well,” she said smiling, “there you go. In some places they would say that you just took the first step, Ethan, I’m proud of you.”

“Tobias told me he’s in love with her.”

Harper's eyes widened and she put down her drink.

“Really? I’m shocked he was so candid!”

“You knew?”

“I have eyes.”

“Then your eyes must also tell you that it appears she returns his feelings.”

Harper turned again. Though they stood at least a foot away from one another, there was no denying the aura that surrounded them.

Harper reached across the table and tenderly touched Ethan’s hand.

“Do you still love her?”

“No,” he lied.

She saw right through him but knew better than to challenge him right now.

“Then move on. She appears to be doing that. You told me that’s what you wanted. And, for what it’s worth, try to take solace that it is with Tobias. You know he’s a good man; he’d treat her well, I don’t think he’d hurt her, and I know you don’t want to see her hurt anymore.”

“I’m sure some people would have said the same things about me,” he smirked.

“Valid point.”

“Thank you.”

“Hey, I told you, I will always be honest. I know we’ve all told you that you should talk to a therapist, I’m not going to foolishly waste my breath on it anymore, but you know it’s true. I just hope you come around to see it.”

He looked down into his drink, not saying a word.

“Why don’t you go home, Ethan. If you want, I’ll even get out of here with you, grab a cup of coffee, if it will help.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I think I should get going, alone. This wasn’t a good idea.”

She smiled warmly, “I’m always a phone call away.”

Ethan stood up and began to make his way across the crowded room. His plan was to head directly to the exit, until he saw Casey standing at the bar waiting for a drink, alone. His head told his feet not to change their trajectory, to head to the door as planned; but his foolish heart was in control.

She would have been here on my arm tonight. There is no question of that. She would have my ring on her hand. She was my Casey. What the hell did I do!

He was no more than three feet away from her when she turned with a drink in hand and a bright smile on her face. That smile fell the moment she saw him approaching her. He knew he should walk away. He didn’t.

“Ethan? Oh. I thought you said you weren’t coming tonight?”

“I had a change of heart.”

“That’s good,” she said taking a gulp of her drink. “I, uhm… you should get out, you know… it’s good for you.”

“Well,” he chuckled ruefully, “the jury is out on that. But I’m giving it a shot.”

She smiled politely, as her eyes darted around the room. Someone had to be around, there was someone she could say she had to talk to.

“Casey, you look absolutely beautiful tonight. Honestly, you’re just radiant.”

He could see the discomfort on her face grow into vexation.

“Ethan… you… I…” she stopped herself after stumbling on her words. She started again, she didn’t want to be harsh, but she needed to be clear. “Thank you, but I really don’t think that is appropriate for you to tell me that right now. You have to understand….”

“I know. I’m sorry. I am out of line. But there was no way I could leave here tonight without telling you and, now that I have, I’ll take my leave. Please, go. I hope you enjoy the rest of your night.”

She eyed him uncomfortably, then walked off without a word. He stood and watched as she walked away, and he realized, that was now his role to play. He felt a hand tug on his jacket.

“Hey, you look like you could use a friend,” Floria smiled gently up at him.

“What I could use is a stiff drink… or ten.”

“Well, there is a bar right there,” she pointed.

“Yeah, well, I think if I stay here, that ten could easily become twenty, so I’m going to check out.”

“We could walk over to Donahue’s. I’m sure it will be empty with everyone here and, honestly, I think you may be better drinking with a friend tonight. What do you say?”

“With a friend?”

“Yes, with a friend. So, would you like some company?”

“Sure. Why not,” he smiled, and they walked together toward the door just as Casey shot a look back over her shoulder.

“HEY!”

“Ahhh,” Casey jumped. “Jackie! What the hell are you doing, trying to give me a heart attack.”

“Well, if you’re going to have one, this is the place to do it. But you’re looking too damn fine for that, so come on, why don’t you get out on the dance floor with me girl, I haven’t seen you all night.”

“You know what,” she said placing her empty drink on a table, that sounds delightful! Let’s go!”

“That’s what I’m talking about!”

Sienna and Bryce watched them from the bar.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Sienna grinned.

“Hell yeah! RAF! Get your ass over here, it’s time for this crew to get the party started.”

Tobias returned from the men’s room and saw the five of them cutting up the dance floor. He smiled seeing them all so happy, but, of course, his eyes stayed on Casey. She was beaming, she threw her head back laughing, the exact same way she did the very first time that he realized that he loved her. She was living with him, he worked with her and, still, on some days, it was hard to believe she was real. He decided to head to the bar, where he sat and watched them, careful not to make eye contact. Yeah, he was part of the crew, but they were all the OG’s, and he felt they deserved some time alone. Eventually, Bryce took a seat next to him, while Raf and the women continued laughing on the floor.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” the DJ’s voice came blaring through the speakers, “we have our final dedication of the night and, oooh, it’s a heartfelt one for sure!”

Casey looked like a dear in the headlights as she locked eyes with Jackie.

“It appears someone has a secret admirer… this is being sent out to someone very special, from a guy who is just not ready to tell you yet… oh, come on man! It’s the holidays! This place is full of mistletoe! Take it from me, never give up a day you can be missing out on love. And I am not just saying that because I’m available for weddings by the way!”

The crowd rumbled with soft laughter as Jackie took Casey’s hand.

“Please, Casey. Go dance with him.”

She looked over to Tobias at the bar, he and Bryce had their backs to her.

Bryce tilted his head, “You can’t tell me that wasn’t you.”

“I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“Go ask her to dance. You went this far, take that step.”

Tobias turned around and saw her as Jackie pleaded with her on the dance floor.

“Nah, man. I don’t think…”

“Wow, and this guy picked a beauty,” the DJ finished, “someone has some real feelings going on, to that special person, here is Adele’s ‘To Make You Feel My Love’.”

The first chords of the began to play and the remaining couples began to flock to the floor, all except the one the song was intended for.

“When the rain is blowing in your face And the whole world is on your case I could offer you a warm embrace To make you feel my love”

“Casey, please,” Jackie begged, still holding her hand, “please, you know it’s for you! I know what you feel for him! Go ask him.”

“When the evening shadows and the stars appear And there is no one there to dry your tears I could hold you for a million years To make you feel my love”

Bryce shook Tobias’s shoulder.

“Bro, you’ve been in love with her forever. This is not going to go away. Don’t miss this moment, T… go!”

“I know you haven't made your mind up yet But I would never do you wrong”

“OK, if you don’t ask him, then I am. And do you really want to watch me dancing with your man…”

“He’s not my man…”

“He could be!”

“I've known it from the moment that we met No doubt in my mind where you belong”

“If you don’t ask her, I am….”

“Bryce, I just….”

“Tobias,” Jackie interrupted, as she shot Bryce a look, “would you dance with me?”

”I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue I'd go crawling down the avenue”

Bryce saw Casey pushing her way through the crowd.

“Excuse me,” he said running off in her direction.

Jackie turned to Tobias, “You know I won’t take no for an answer. Better to just give in.”

“Fine, he sighed,”

“No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do To make you feel my love”

“You’re dancing with me!” Bryce said grabbing Casey’s hand at the edge of the dance floor.

“What, I…”

“I said you’re dancing with me, come on!”

Jackie’s eyes met Bryce’s and implored him to move closer. He spun Casey around to face him just feet away.

“The storms are raging on the rolling sea And on the highway of regret”

Jackie and Bryce maneuvered so Casey and Tobias would be forced to see each other. After a couple failed attempts, their eyes locked. Bryce felt Casey’s breath hitch. Jackie noticed the split second when Tobias stopped moving. Case smiled, softly, nervously in his direction and Tobias’s eyes said all he could not bring himself to say.

“Though winds of change are throwing wild and free You ain't seen nothing like me yet”

“Go cut in. Please, Tobias,” Jackie whispered.

“Casey, you’re too smart not to see it. Go to him.”

“Jackie, I…”

“Bryce, I…”

“I could make you happy, make your dreams come true Nothing that I wouldn't do Go to the ends of the Earth for you To make you feel my love To make you feel my love”

“… I can’t.”

“… I can’t.”

Tobias lowered his head and quickly made his way off the floor. Jackie’s shoulders dropped in defeat.

Casey turned to walk away, but Bryce grabbed her arm.

“No. You’re coming with me,” he said leading her to a side door.

“Bryce, what are you doing!” Casey demanded as the cold December air assaulted them.

“Casey, what are you doing? I can’t keep quiet anymore. I’ve been watching him for seven months now….”

“Seven months? What… what are you talking about?”

“Tobias! Casey, you’re brilliant! You’re a freaking diagnostician, you have to see it. He is crazy about you, don’t you see?”

“I… I…”

“Do you feel the same way about him? Because it’s time. It’s time to make it clear that you do, or it’s time to make it clear that you don’t. You can’t leave him on pause like this forever Casey.”

“What... what… Bryce, you said seven months. What are you talking about? Seven months ago I was with Ethan, and Tobias, he was all hung up on some woman that didn’t… that she….she didn’t….”

She covered her mouth and gasped.

“Yes, he was madly in love with someone.”

“Bryce? Bryce, no! She…she… wasn’t me? Was she?”

He let out a deep sigh, taking her hand in his.

“Casey, I feel like I’m betraying him right now. But you’re both my friends, and this has gone on too long. You share a home; I don’t want to see this implode… so… yes. Yes, Casey. It’s you. He is so in love with you, I have never seen anything like it.”

She stood in stunned silence as tears began to fill her eyes.

“Casey. Say something.”

“Why, why didn’t he ever tell me?”

“Well, for one thing, you were happily involved with someone else. Someone he’s friends with. He would have never interfered….”

“But we were so close, and we’d go places and… we talked about her….”

“He never wanted to lose your friendship, Casey. Even after you and Ethan were apart. He never wanted to take advantage, and he’s petrified of losing you. He didn’t want to fall for you, but he did. We can’t help these things. But he has the right to be happy to Casey and pining after you forever isn’t going to let him achieve that. The two of you, you need to get some resolution here. Do you have feelings for him?”

“Yes,” she whispered, “I do.”

“Then tell him!” Bryce said frustrated, “I know you keep thinking it’s impossible that he feels that way about you, well, that barrier is gone. I’m telling you what he feels for you. So, for heaven’s sake Casey, what’s so hard! Why can’t you tell him?”

“Because I love him, Bryce!” She cried, “I love him. If I had to count on one hand the people in this world who mean the absolute most to me, he’d be on it. I never want to hurt him, and I never want to be hurt by him,” she began to sob. “Bryce, he means too much to me.”

Casey was shivering as she attempted to wipe away her tears. Bryce pulled her into a hug, rubbing her arms to warm them.

“Casey, come here. Come here. Come on, no tears.”

He took his jacket off and placed it around her shoulders.

“Casey,” he said as she stared at her feet.

He lifted her chin. “Casey, look at me.”

“Casey, no day is promised to any of us. And, in the end, the only thing we will regret is the chances we didn’t take. Sure, there are no guarantees, it could not work out. We didn’t work out but look at us here now. Have some faith that if it doesn’t work, you’d still be OK. But… Casey…. you’re so busy focusing on what will happen if it doesn’t work… but just imagine, what happens if it does?”

Casey looked at Bryce and nodded, emotion overwhelming her.

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to go ask him to dance,” she said handing him back his jacket. “I’m going to ask him to dance.”

“Atta girl! Now go quick, the party is almost over!”

“I am,” she said jogging off in her high heels.

Bryce sighed as he leaned back against the brick wall.

“If these two make it and I am not the best man, I’ll freaking kill them both,” he laughed out loud.

Casey entered the atrium and scanned the crowd for Tobias. People were leaving, but it was still very full. She didn’t see him, and her frustration was mounting. The DJ would be leaving soon, and she knew herself well enough to know that if she didn’t take this chance now, she would lose her nerve. She had to find him. After several more minutes passed, she saw him. He was by himself, leaning back on two legs of a chair in a back corner. He looked defeated. She nervously brushed off the front of her gown before approaching him. He leaned upright and smiled timidly as she neared.

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you. Where have you been?”

“I just stepped outside for some fresh air. Then I decided I needed some quiet, so I crashed here. No biggie.”

“I saw you dancing with Jackie before.”

“Yeah. I saw you dancing with Bryce,” he grinned. “I mean, she asked me, and she’s pretty persistent. You don’t… you don’t mind, do you?”

“Oh, God, no! Of course not, it’s just….”

“Just?”

“I had kind of hoped that I’d get a chance to dance with you tonight as well. Do I need to be equally as persistent?”

“No, not you, Casey. All you have to do is ask, and I believe you just did.”

“I did,” she said, biting her bottom lip.

He rose to his feet and extended his hand, “Then, may I have this dance?”

“Yes, you can.”

She took his hand and followed him to the now much smaller crowd on the dance floor, a slow ballad was winding down. They turned to each other with almost petrified grins on their faces. She threw her arms around his neck and momentarily stared down at his chest. His hands found their way to her lower back, oh, how he wanted to brush that soft velvet, but there was no way that was happening. Casey looked back up and smiled at him as they began to softly sway to the music. No words were spoken and then, the song reached its end.

“And that’s it for this evening Edenbrook family. I hope you all had a wonderful night! Now, there are taxis outside for those who need them, and you be safe getting home. Happy Holidays!”

“Are you freaking kidding me!” Casey exclaimed jumping back from Tobias. “UGH. That’s what I get,” she said shaking her head.

“Hey, Case, it’s ok, we can,” he stopped as a loud noise came from his pocket. “Ah, shit!” He pulled out his phone, “Jesus!”

“What is it?”

“Mr. Cortez he’s out of surgery but there were complications. They want me to come up right away.”

“No! Not now!! Do you want me to come?”

His face grimaced in frustration as he shook his head.

“No. No, hon, this one could be an all-nighter. Why don’t you get a car home?”

Casey lowered her eyes almost crying.

“I guess. Are you sure? I don’t mind waiting up for you, if…”

He brushed her cheek. “Just go home and get some sleep, Casey. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Good night, T,” she smiled as she let out a soft breath.

“Good night, Casey. I really better go.”

“I know, I know… go ahead.”

Casey watched Tobias as he jogged down the hall. What, she wondered, do we do now?

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[wenellyb]

My journey in the MCU fandom on Tumblr: Sharing my thoughts on the Falcon and the Winter Soldier, racism in the MCU fandom and the best and the worse of the fandom

I wasn’t going to write this much but here I am… I don’t even know where I’m going with this but since The Falcon and the Winter Soldier just recently came out, I wanted to share some thoughts.

I joined Tumble because of a show I loved but most of you don’t know it “ Hit the Floor”

I stayed on Tumblr for two reasons only, Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan.

Before the Captain America:Civil War premiere, a friend sent me the link to the Sebastian and Anthony ET interview, and I was hooked. In just one interview. I discovered Anthony Mackie. The guy was hilarious!!! I just couldn’t get enough and I knew I had to know more about him. How could he improvise so many funny lines on the spot? He was just amazing.

I had pretty much watched all the avengers movie but that was it. I was not involved in the fandom. So I knew Sam Wilson’s face, but I couldn’t even remember his name if my life depended on it. That’s how much the MCU treated him as a side character.

I was like how the f*ck don’t I know this guy?

His talent reminded me of Eddie Murphy, Jim Carrey or Robin Williams, like yes they can make some emotional or serious movies, but when they want to make you laugh, you will laugh. Whether you want it or not.  I kept wondering how this guy wasn’t more famous.

And the banter with Sebastian Stan? Wow, you could tell their friendship was strong, the way Sebastian lighted up when Anthony was talking, and keep bouncing off his jokes. It was art. the way Sebastian said “ I love you” at the end of the interview. Pure gold.

I then started to watch some of the interviews and boy was that a mistake!!! I literally couldn’t get enough. So I watched all and I say all their interviews, it was the best. We got some gems:

“Why aren’t you looking at me as much”

“Which way is the beach Seabass”

*Them saying nonsense in Spanish and then Sebastian Saying Papi Chulo*

 ¨And so many more, ....

I watched other solo Anthony interviews and he was still HILARIOUS, but you could also tell he felt a little bit more at ease with Sebastian around. I won’t pretend I know him or his personality, but Sebastian seems like a little bit more of an introvert and looks like he doesn’t enjoy the interview experience unless Anthony id around him. Just my thoughts

I watched the interviews before I went to see the movie, I even cosplayed as the Winter Soldier to the movie premiere and I was IN!!! When I saw Captain America Civil War, I became a SamBucky shipper, these two were hilarious and I really so the potential for a great realtionship I love enemy to lovers stories.

I also shipped Stucky because, to me, the trope of the movie was Superhero gives up everything to protect his long term friend” Hollywood movies have some codes and if Bucky were a female character, there is no doubt in my mind that the movie would have been marketed as romance.

Stucky really was an easy ship! But then the MCU fandom of Tumblr fandom messed up everything for me. You see I really liked the CACW and I I liked Stucky, I liked Sambucky, and I loved the introduction of t���Challa’s character, but one of things that affected me the most in the movie was that it was the first blockbuster I watched with 3 black main characters, Rhodey, Sam and T’Challa. That, and the fact that they were planning to realease a Black Panther movie in two years, I was super excited, and that’s the main reason I got involved in the MCU fandom so much, when before, I was just a casual watcher.

If this seem weird to you, then you have no idea how we were only getting crumbs before. For me it was soo huge, I even told all my friends, and they were laughing at me. But usually blockbusters, especially superhero movies get one black character and that’s it, usually the best friend or something and never the leads. So, for me it really was a big deal. How sad is that by the way…

I became more involved in the fandom and, at first, I wasn’t focusing on anything special, Sambucky, Stucky, Stackie, the Black Panther, and even Zemo, whose character I really liked.

But soon I noticed that the CACW tags were always flooded, and I mean flooded with the same two white characters: Steve and Bucky. I told myself, ok that’s fine Steve is the lead after all, but it would be good to see the other characters too.

And then I noticed another interesting trend: Evanstan…. Wait what?

Chris Evans, and Sebastian Stan… did I miss something? Listen, obviously I’m sure they must be friends or something, but you’re going to tell me you watch all MCU the actors and you’re going to focus on Steve and Sebastian? I’m sorry what?

Sebastian and Anthony are right there… Or Chris and Anthony, they even have a secret handshake, only the 2 of them do… what more do you want?

Tell me one iconic Evanstan moment… go ahead tell me… See??? There isn’t.

Because of this and because of how badly some Stuckies were treating Sam and Anthony. I became less and less of a stucky shipper . I mainly focused on SamBucky, Stackie and the Black Panther,

And then the Sebastian Stan stans saw how popular Stackie, Sambucky, were becoming and I started to see some problematic stuff in our fandom too.

I don’t want to generalize, but when you go into the Stackie tag, and you see cropped pictures of Sebastian without Anthony, it’s easy to assume that a Sebastian fan did that. And we know damn well you cropped out Anthony because we watched all Stackie interviews and know exactly which interview your picture was taken from. We know that Anthony was sitting right next to Seb.

You post a picture of Sebastian laughing but you crop out the person who was making him laugh??

“but it has nothing to do with race” How do you know that?

“Sebastian had more screen time” More screen time than Anthony in CATWS or CACW? I don’t think so.

“I have been a fan of Sebastian for longer”, that’s fine but don’t go out cropping Anthony, just post gifs of Seb in his usual, sad, and Anthony-less interviews, not the ones where he’s smiling because his best friend is next to him.

Some of you really are the worst. And just so you know, your fave Sebastian is Anthony’s biggest fan, if he saw pictures where you cropped out Anthony, he would block you on the spot.

When I realized that Anthony Mackie would be the next Captain America I was screaming, no actually, I was crying, Sam Wilson will be Captain America, and Anthony would finally get the recognition he deserves.

You would think that the MCU fandom would focus on Captain America or at least one the two leads, instead of just Sebastian? Right? Right? WRONG.

Anthony is handsome, he’s funny, he’s a great actor, he went to freaking Julliard, he’s at the top, I don’t see what else the man can do??? He should already be a superstar, but no, you will side-line him even to he is the lead of the show.

Even when they are the actual leads, you guys would do anything to bring up the White characters even if it means ignoring the Black characters.

I remember I was having a conversation about Black Panther with my friends and I asked one of my white friends who was his favorite character in BP was and he told me Martin Freeman (don’t even remember his name in the movie) Martin Freaking Freeman, there are half a dozen of great characters and your fave is the only white man??? Ok, ok, that’s great.

Don’t give out automatic reply like “It has nothing to do with race, if you haven’t thought about it first”, because there’s a high probability that it is indeed about race. Stop saying it isn’t, sit down and ask yourself, “Am I biased?” “Why am I reblogging only stuff related to the white characters”.

One of these days you guys are going to make me hate Sebastian with the sh*t you are pulling.

I looove the Stackie friendship and the Sambucky dynamic but after seeing the way some of you treat Anthony and Sam’s character, it make me want to focus on Sam’s character and forget about the rest.

 I remember they were some posts about how Anthony was problematic, and I just lost it. Apparently, there was an old article that resurfaced were Anthony was making a joke about women making sandwiches or something.

If you were offended by the sandwich joke, that is totally ok, and I can understand that.

But if you were offended by the sandwich joke, and saying Anthony is problematic BUT you still stan Chris Evans, Jeremy Renner, ScarJo or even Sebastian Stan, just know that there is a high probability you’re racist.

They have all said or done problematic stuff, and people only seem to remember stuff related to Anthony, which was probably just a joke by the way.

Chris Evans and Jeremy called Black widow a wh*re, ScarJo took roles that she maybe shouldn’t have and I didn’t forget Sebastian shady Instagram post, when Kaepernick was kneeling. There are so many more things to be said about Jeremy Renner but google is your friend.

Anthony also got hate for hating on Tom Holland? Like what? Do you guys even hear yourselves? Don’t you have any friends you like to tease? If you hate someone, do you go around talking about him every chance you get? It was obviously friendly banter but some people wanted to turn it into something it was not. Sigh.

I really cannot with this fandom

 The stackie fandom was small at the beginning and the Sambucky fandom even smaller, but we were there and it was amazing. Sebastian and Anthony received the same amount of love from the fandom and I wish we could go back to those days.

Stop pretending the fandom isn’t racist. Stop saying “it isn’t about race” when you haven’t even thought about.

Saying “it has nothing to do with race” only shows that you haven’t thought about anything but don’t want to be called a racist.

There is racism in this fandom and it will always be there, but if you guys want to do anything about it, you have to acknowledge it first.

You can’t be pulling off stuff like “I don’t see colors”, “ it has nothing to do with race”. Stop, sit down, think about it and then we can have a conversation.

If you’ve made it till the end, I apologize for the typos and grammar mistakes, I wasn’t planning on writing this much.

[bangchanswolfpelt]

Aight I'm a good 6 years older then Yeonjun, and I don't stan any 4th gen groups, but fucking Yeonjun and Taehyun dragged me kicking and screaming into TXT when they passed their cutie concept phase and I can't get out. I couldn't find anything for Taehyun on your blog, maybe I didn't know what to search for, but how do you see him? Soft dom, hard dom? Switch? Sub? He gives me a really, really interesting vibe. Very intense, as if he's not afraid of anything when it comes down to it and would try anything, but also reserved?

ahahahaha, i feel you—i'm right around your same age i think and i was lured in by Soobin being an adorable Jin stan, only to find out that once i was in the door, Yeonjun was waiting there to ambush me with his face and his voice and his stupid sweats that say "run up" right on his dick. 💀

you were probably searching just fine, it's just that there was nothing to find! this blog's only a month old and most of the asks i've been getting are about Soobin. so nearly all of what i've been writing is about. Soobin… 😂 (this is NOT me telling anybody to stop btw, i love it, i just also think it's deeply hilarious when the point of this blog was to stop yelling at my roommate about petplay and just write about getting railed by Bang Chan in a fursuit😂😂😂) re: searching my blog, tho, the most consistent set of tags i have is [group name/abbreviation][emoji]; for txt it's txt👾. if you're in the browser, you can find them all to the right of the page under 'Trending Tags'; i also have a link in my pinned navi post, but i'll add them all as actual tags to that post too, just so they're easier to get to.

i wasn't actually planning on writing for Tae or Hyuka, even though they've hit age of majority they're still very much cutie babies to me. (watching Hyuka in Lovesong felt too much like watching a babby cousin try to relive my high school days on tiktok 🥺) i DO know that the latest teasers have been fucking people up, tho, so like. check back in a bit and i might be singing a different song. 👀 (also if anyone wants to send anything my way that might make me change my mind... 👀👀👀)

looking at your question from my currently extremely clinical, well-hydrated perspective, tho—

i think you actually have a really good read on Taehyun! especially in regards to him being kind of reserved—when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships, he’d be very cautious with his feelings up until a certain point, but if you DO manage to get that far with him, then it’s all or nothing—like, following you out of the shire all the way to mt. doom kinda all or nothing. 🥺 and he's definitely the type to only get into d/s stuff with someone he really trusts (honestly, i don't think he'd even get too far along with vanilla physical intimacy without that level of trust, unless something had him really caught up in the moment). once you’re that person, though, buckle the fuck up cause you weren’t wrong about intensity. 😅

he'd take any kind of power play really seriously, even if you’re not interested in doing anything hardcore at first. he does a lot of research and wants to have serious, sit-down talks about what you both want and need, even if he has a hard time looking you in the eye for the first few conversations. it’s actually probably very sweet, because he tries really hard to make sure that you’re comfortable, even as you can see he’s clearly struggling.

Taehyun definitely starts things out sitting across from you at a table because that’s how Serious Grown-Up Converations happen, right? reach over and hold his hand, or better yet, make him move over to the couch with you to cuddle. he’s the type to get into his own head about this kind of thing, i think, so a reminder from you that this is something you’re both in together will go a long way towards him chilling the fuck out. especially if you’re older/more experienced than him—he won’t admit it, but he’s probably looking to the way you behave for cues and feeling like he’s got to try and keep up with you.

i think his personality would have him be slightly more inclined to dom, but inexperience might make subbing a little easier on him to start with; a lot of it would also depend on his partner. so basically, he’s switchy but distinctly dom-leaning. either way, he’ll want to go hard—while for some of the boys, i feel like d/s dynamics with them are more of a natural extension of your regular relationship dynamics, Taehyun would want them to be something distinctly different from your day-to-day. this isn’t a boy who goes halfway with things; whether he’s domming or subbing, he wants it to be exciting and intense and boundary-pushing. by the time the night is over, aftercare will involve putting one of you back together again.

once he’s confident he knows what he’s doing and (most importantly) knows how to read you, he’d honestly be a dream of a dom. he’s observant and careful, learns all your little nonverbal tells, so he knows what you’re feeling maybe even before you do, and uses that to play you like an instrument.

he’d be a really great partner for experimenting with, too, i think. unless it’s something that really squicks him out, Taehyun’s willing to try pretty much anything you’re interest in at least once. going to him with new ideas might be a little intimidating, because he’s more serious and measured, and not the type to immediately jump onboard enthusiastically like some people would *cough*Yeonjun*cough*, but he’ll always hear you out and never judge or shame you for what you want. even if it’s something he’s not that into at first, he’ll read up on it and look up videos; he’s the type of person whose response to “weird” kinks isn’t ‘what the fuck?’, but ‘what’s the appeal there?’, so he ends up rationalizing himself into a lot of new kinks, including most (if not all) of yours.

the only thing i would worry about is honestly him not letting you know where his limits are—he feels like the kind of person who would have trouble safewording when you hit a point that's uncomfortable for him in a scene, just because it's not something he brought up while you were establishing boundaries and rules. he’s the type to be very concerned about safewords and hard limits and aftercare for you, but forget that those things apply to him as well. if the way you two play gets really intense, you’re probably going to hit a point where you need to talk to him about being upfront and honest about what he needs.

tagging: @jensdior

[princessofprocrastination]

She’s Creepy (Dream)

MASTERLIST

pairing : dream / clay x reader. 

summary : apparently being a huge fan of a big youtuber is considered being a creep, according to minecraft gamer, dream. and ever since he called you mean things, your world turned upside down. (ANGST) (TRIGGER WARNING)

a/n : i’m aware i’ve been writing all angsts, i just enjoy a little heartbreak. this is a two part story!

you haven’t been on social media as a public figure for long, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t been on social media before this.

you knew people, you had people you look up to, as of many other social media influencers or content creators. 

you grew pretty quick on youtube and instagram. your content mostly included room makeovers whenever you felt bored of your own home or your storytimes. you blew up from talking about your stalker. 

since then, your subscibers stayed with you and supported you, saying that you have a charm, and that you exert good energy and vibes. and those type of comments have always made your day.

you always shared with your supporters about your life, not too personal but enough for them to feel included. of course, you’re not telling them your phone number or address, but you tried to share as many details you can legally in your story times. 

that also meant that you would tell your supporters small details about you, such as what book you were currently reading or who you’ve been watching on youtube. 

even before you stated posting on your channel, you’ve been watching a minecraft youtuber, dream and his friends. 

some of your fans would tag them in some of your instagram posts, or tweets that brought no harm so you never really acknowledged it since it wasn’t hurting anyone. 

you weren’t “fangirling” you’d say. it was more of you supported them and found them funny and entertaining. 

coincidentally, you landed yourself on the dream team tiktok, which means that dream and his friends were all over you for you page. 

and to show that you were active and not dead to your followers on instagram, you’d post a funny tiktok, usually included the dream team. you thought it was harmless. to you, it was just a way to show support. 

but only a couple days later, hashtags about you and the dream team, more specifically, just dream, were trending. 

when you saw this, opening your twitter app, you immediately went to find out what this was about. your heart jumped when you thought maybe dream acknowledged you. 

in fact, it was worse. 

what was trending was a short video clip during one of the dream teams chill streams on the dream smp. 

the conversation between george, sapnap and dream went like this. 

“you guys heard about that girl who kept reposting tiktoks about us on her instagram story?” george asked the other two boys. 

“heard she watched us before she even started her channel” sapnap. 

“i don’t know about you guys, but i think she’s being a little creepy.” dream said. 

your heart sunk to your stomach. did your actions portray you to be a creep to other people?

“dream, you can’t just say that, especially on stream.” sapnap scolded him, george also mumbling something. 

“why can’t i? i feel creeped out by her, a public figure posting me all over her socials.” dream replied, tone serious. 

you clicked off the video, before it replayed again. you couldn’t get yourself to rewatch that, to hear those words again. 

almost crying, you told yourself to suck it up, that this wasn’t worth you crying. 

although they were who you looked up as minecraft gamers, this wasn’t worth your breakdowns. 

that was until, you opened your direct messages.

you shouldn’t have. you knew the dream team stans would easily hunt you down, to ask you to back off from creeping their idol off. 

but no, you still opened your dms. you expected a normal dm, ones that say they support you or some of your friends sending you memes through instagram. 

what you didn’t expect was to see a flood of threats. 

some said “kill yourself, you don’t deserve a spot on earth after what you did.” and “back off and leave my mans.” 

it got worse from there. you thought maybe it’s just the dms, but you didn’t expect it to blow up more, with people tagging you with photos on instagram and twitter. people “cancelling” you. 

you didn’t understand how this blew up like this. you were even more baffled to see some of your supporters sending you threats, too. 

was this what you deserved? 

you weren’t one to make rash decisions, nor were you a suicidal person. 

you felt stupid. just because you supported big youtubers, you get this type of treatment?

the threats, the dm, never stopped. for three whole months, you had to deal with the never ending mean comments on your social media. you thought it would die down. 

it came to the point of seeing your address and your phone number all over the internet. you never thought it would lead to this. 

you didn’t know what to do anymore. 

not long after, people started showing up to your apartment. 

sure, your apartment didn’t have the best of security, which you blamed no one but yourself for being a public figure and living somewhere with little to no security. 

they started with knocking on your door during ungodly hours. next was mailing weird stuff or sending stuff to your house. lastly, which tipped you off was that they would vandalize your apartment. 

they would egg your front door, pee, or spray paint your walls of the outside. 

you couldn’t handle it anymore. 

soon enough, you knew you had to stand up for yourself. you had to call the police. 

and that was exactly what you did. you called the authorities, which made the brave teenagers leave you alone. 

while they were egging your house and making your life miserable, you knew this was the only time for you to make a rash decision. to leave the country, to somewhere no one else would fine you at. somewhere unpredictable, that no one would expect you to go.

it took a lot for you to book a plane ticket, box up your belongings and move to a completely different country, away from your hometown, florida. 

you loved it in florida. though it was humid all the time, you enjoyed it. now that you had to leave, you only had a little while to cherish it before you leave it all behind. 

and your family, your friends. the ones you’ve grown up with, ones you’ve grown to love and cherish. you had to leave that too. and without telling them too much information. 

that hurt the most, needing to leave your loved ones behind, to start a new life, to start afresh. 

-

DREAM’S POV

i didn’t know what was happening. one thing added onto another and soon it was out of control. 

i didn’t say anything at the start, not thinking it would go this far. i didn’t know to what extent my fans would go.

sure, i saw all the things happening, but i didn’t do anything to stop it. 

i saw her address and phone number all over social media, and did nothing about it. 

george and sapnap said something, and pushed me to do something about it, but i didn’t. i was stubborn.

speaking of, it’s been months since i heard anything about her from her herself, everything i see is from my fans or hers, wondering where she is.

should i be worried?

-

YOUR POV

you left florida. the only people you told were your parents and your childhood friend, not trusting anyone else. 

what you told them was vague, that you needed to leave, away from the US. specifically, you moved to Australia. 

you made a decision to not live near the city, but the outskirts. 

you were lucky that you weren’t a spender and you made more than enough money to make the decision to leave so suddenly. 

lucky for you, you went to college and had a degree in law, so you didn’t need to worry about not having a job.

you never thought you’d make use of your degree this early in your life, thinking that youtube and being a content creator would last a little while longer. 

you had to change you hairstyles, your fashion in general since you had to be in a more professional setting. although it was hard transitioning from a casual wear and having crazy coloured hair to wearing pant suits or formal dresses and going back your natural colour. 

three years. it took you three full years for you to even think of visiting your parents in florida again. also, given the fact that you had a stable job and you couldn’t up and leave. 

but recently, you were offered to work at another law firm in florida. you were happy to tell that to your family back home but at the same time, you were hesitant to go back to your nightmares. 

but you braved yourself, since you missed your family dearly. 

now, you were sitting on your desk in your cozy home, finalizing up the last of your move, like getting a house back in florida, this time with a better security just in case. 

boxes of your clothes and belongings went first, to reach your new house there before you did so it was easier for you, not having to worry about your stuff. 

you asked none of your family’s help, not wanting to burden them. instead you told them to just meet you at a restaurant you booked for you and your family and friends for dinner about three weeks after you landed. 

although they protested, saying it was too long until they can see you again, you told them to not worry and that you were going to use those three weeks to start working at the new law firm.

you decided to take a straight flight from australia to florida, not wasting any time. although it was almost a twenty-two hour long flight, you sat throug and got to your hometown safely. 

you didn’t know what was going on with the three boys you used to adore, since you didn’t have social media anymore. 

but you didn’t mind it, it was peaceful. 

two weeks since you’ve stepped foot in florida again. it felt amazing to breathe your hometown air again. it was refreshing. 

you have fully settled in your new house, and workplace. you were glad to have met your co-workers. they were all super welcoming and made sure you weren’t left behind in anything. 

so far, your transition from australia to florida has been smooth, and you weren’t worried about anything. 

you got a car since you’ve arrived, so that you could travel easily from one place to another. 

not to brag, but. you were making enough money to live a lavish lifestyle. a big house and a pretty expensive car, and that didn’t even make a dent in your bank account. 

you were proud to see that you achieved all this yourself, and only within a couple of years. 

you were just excited to meet your family in real life instead of facetime. 

finally, the day of the dinner with your family came. unfortunately, you had to take a case in the afternoon, so you had to come to dinner in your work pant suit, with a turtleneck and a little late. 

they understood it and told you not to worry about it, and that they would just seat themselves by your name instead of waiting for you. you promised you’d pay their dinners and apologized once again. 

the sound of your heels comforted you as you walked from the valet to the restaurant. you were a little nervous to meet them again face to face after three years. but you couldn’t wait to catch up with them and tell them all about your work life that you could never tell them during the facetime calls. 

you smiled to yourself, thinking nothing could go wrong. and nothing could really go wrong anyways, it was just a dinner after all.

but you hadn’t expected the three boys you used to idolize to be eating dinner at the same restaurant you and your family would be at, specifically, opposite your table.

you walked in the restaurant, telling the front of the house that you had a table reserved under your name and that you were pretty sure the rest of your family was already there. 

she politely told you to walk alongside her, leading you to your family. 

you weren’t paying attention to your surroundings. you were solely focused on seeing your family that you didn’t know that there were extra pair of eyes staring at you. 

you smiled as your family saw you. your mum crying while standing up to hug you tightly, as she once did three years ago. 

you could hear your friends shout your name loudly, as if to tell the whole world that you were finally here. 

“don’t cry, i’m staying, no more going back to australia, i swear.” you told your mum, trying to reassure her that you were fine and that you were not going to leave her again, since she hadn’t stopped crying.

you moved to hug your dad, who had been patiently waiting for his turn after his wife. “you look great, kiddo.” you thanked him as he complimented your professional look. 

you sat down, somewhere in the middle, between your family, opposite of your parents so that everyone could clearly see and talk to you easily. 

with how noisy you family were, you were sure the entire restaurant knew your name and where you had just moved from. 

they asked you about australia, what was it like to work there, away from your family. you caught up with every single one of them. 

“don’t you live in that really expensive neighbourhood right now?” one of your childhood friends asked. 

you winked at her, discreetly trying to answer her question. the whole table shouted and congratulated you for making it this far, in only a matter of short years. 

you covered your face, shy, not wanting this part of your life to be told to everyone in the restaurant. 

-

GEORGE’S POV 

there she was. the person whose life we practically ruined. luckily, we didn’t ruin it all for her. i guess she made use of her brains and is working a normal job.

“dude.” i tried to attract the other two boys’ attention. 

“i know.” both of them answered me. 

“she’s rich rich, huh?” sapnap almost chuckled but was totally serious saying that. 

“yup.” dream. 

ah yes, clay. the man dream himself. sapnap and i tried to persuade him into making it right for her, for you. 

sure, he had said those mean words, but he can take it back. three years ago, at least. 

she disappeared three years ago. vanished. no one knew where you went. some say you moved out of the country, which deemed to be true. couple of years later people started to find out what you worked as, but i tried my best to help get rid of the information 

but they just couldn’t pinpoint where. you basically uped and left everything. 

and there was time to apologize, but it had been to late. 

i thought she died, quite frankly. i didn’t want to be the cause of someone dying. well at least, not me, but my friend. 

now us three were seated in a pretty formal and expensive restaurant to eat dinner. and we did not expect to see her here. 

she came in a little late, wearing a very professional wear. seemed like you went to work before this. 

i knew you were a lawyer, we three knew that since our fans found it out. 

she looked completely different. hair not her usual crazy colours. just seeing her in heels baffled me. she was wearing something formal and that wasn’t what you usually wore, years ago. 

- 

DREAMS’S POV 

she’s beautiful.

not that she wasn’t before. 

but this version of her was different. her in her pant suit, in heels. a turtleneck under her blazer. 

she looked elegant. classy. rich. 

i mean, she is rich. 

her family screamed when she told them where she lived. and man, that neighbourhood only had rich people. it had one of the best, if not the best security you could ask for. 

it wasn’t easy to buy a house there. even if you had the money, you’d need a certain bank card to be allowed to even be shortlisted. 

and if i saw it correctly, she drives a bentley that was just parked by a valet kid. 

damn. she is one successful woman. 

i know, how could i think this much of her, how dare i when i didn’t even apologized. i didn’t even try. 

in fact. i did. even before she went MIA, fully on social media, i sent her direct messages everywhere. she never replied to any of them. 

and i knew no one that had her phone number. and soon enough, no one had heard from her in three years. 

and now she’s back. more beautiful than ever. 

i needed to speak to her i couldn’t live with the guilt that stayed for these past three years. 

my fans, my so called supporters made her life a living hell and i almost did nothing to stop it. 

i’m sure she hates me. but i have to try somehow, right?

question is, she didn’t have a social media anymore, and i can’t just speak to her now that she was sitting opposite my table. 

i kept on pondering as i heard a little bit of her conversation, about her life. 

i guess she moved to australia, and worked in a lawfirm in the outskirts. so unpredictable of her. no one would’ve guessed that in a million years. 

i watched as i see her smile as she listened to what her parents were saying. 

i cherished the smile since i didn’t know when was the next time i’d see her. 

she asked the waiter for the bill, covering the whole cost of her and her huge family’s meal. 

damn, this girl is too rich for her own good. 

she puts down the bill on the table, also leaving a generous tip for the waiter that served them. she stood up to walk after her family, needing to pass my table. 

since she had been oblivious to her surroundings, i didn’t expect her to spot us, to notice us. 

but i was wrong. 

PART 2

[ashdumpsterpile]

I know you talk abou st*cky in the interracial ships stuff, but can we talk about st*ny? Iron husbands is literally right there, but I also always sees Rhodey as Tonys moral support only. And ik Tony is very shippable with most characters, but the fact his ship is Rhodey is one of the lowest ships in ao3 (ironstrange, winteriron and god forbid stark*r all had more fics in ao3).. It's pretty telling this side also has racism problems...

I'll go ahead and answer this here, but letting y'all know that I do have a marvel sideblog if you want to hit me up there (@themarvelarchives).

Hey, I'm going to ramble for a good minute.

So after I posted my very incoherent, controversial take on St*cky vs SamBucky, there were a ton of ppl who came onto anon saying that St*cky shippers were racist. I think I only answered a few, but y'all were pretty insistent on it. I personally have not observed that St*cky shippers are so I'm not calling anyone out on that side of the fandom for that.

I also did not call out anyone on this side of the fandom bc that's not what my meta was about. I think I mentioned maybe once or twice in the whole post that there was underlying racist in the fandom, but since you asked, we can talk about it here.

Covert Bigotry In Fandom Spaces.

To understand what's going on in the MCU, we have to first look at what I call "woke-queer" fandom.

So "Woke-Queer" Spaces is the phenomenon where certain fandom members like to call ppl out on their bigotry, while covertly harboring their own queerphobia/racism/etc. An example of this that we're all familiar with is TERFS and how they like to claim that they are progressive and woke, while also claiming that trans women are fake and trans men are sexist.

How this translates to fandom, however, is the hypocrisy that is cancellation and callout culture.

For example, Supernatural in particular is a fandom that likes to call out the writers on their homophobia and racism, and yet, somehow, the fandom is chalk full of homophobia and racism. If you want to read more about this, here is a truly excellent article from the perspective of a queer woman of color.

Moving on, I've also talked in a previous meta post, on the internalized acephobia that exploded in 2019 after Good Omens was released. Rather than reiterate everything I said in that post, I'll just leave it at this: the controversy in the Good Omens fandom can be summed up by the fact that queer audiences are claiming that Ineffable Husbands is the wrong kind of queer. The hypocrisy oozes off the screen, doesn't it?

A final way this viably translates to fandom, is in how the Doctor Who fandom evolved over time.

So Steven Moffat takes over as head writer and showrunner in 2010. It's a new series, a new Doctor, a new Tardis, and new branding. He steps up the action, changes the color grating, and raises the stakes. Women are sexier, the Doctor is smarter (and more of an asshole, but that's another meta post), and every companion comes with their own impossible mystery that makes them Special™.

Series 5-10 got tons of woke points for having lesbian characters, an episode where the Doctor is homoerotic with James Corden, and an underlying trans narrative with the Master's reincarnation. What a lot of people forget, however, is that his series was incredibly sexiest, incredibly lesbian/biphobic, and basically turned the Doctor into everyone's fantasy sex-object.

This, unfortunately, brought out the worst of the fandom. There was RTD Era vs Moffat Era wars exploding in certain corners, TenxRose shippers vs ElevenxRiver shippers.

What does this have to do with covert racism in fandom cultures though?

Hnnngng ok, so back in RTD era's we get Martha Jones, the Actual Best Companion On The Entire Show. Except for the fact, of course, that she is written to be in love with the doctor. She's a brilliant character--smart, sassy, flawed, funny, flirtatious--and her entire plotline is reduced down to a school-girl crush on a white man.

She doesn't do well with fans, they scrap her after one season.

We move on to Donna Noble (The Other Actual Best Companion On The Entire Show) and RTD's era ends with them scraping her too and regenerating David Tennant's Doctor.

It will be five more series (not seasons, SERIES) until Doctor Who will have another black companion--who gets extra points for being gay--only to fall victim to "bury your gays" at the end of the season (but not really bc no one stays dead on Doctor Who).

The fandom's reception of Martha Jones was historically bad. The comparisons to her predecessor, Rose Tyler, were rampant and everyone was finding a reason to hate her.

The fandom's reception to Bill Potts was also historically bad, as everyone was screaming that she was being written for more "woke points" and that they wanted Clara back.

Fandom has a historically bad reputation of being problematic and, I would argue, the majority of it has to do with these toxic undertones of bigotry that slip under the radar. "Woke-queer" spaces, as I call them, are these instances above where spaces that claim to be inclusive of gender/orientation/race are covertly bigoted.

Marvel and Cancelling

Now is an excellent time to talk about the MCU.

Anthony Mackie (Sam Wilson) has recently come under a lot of criticism from fandom members for shutting down shipper speculation.

"The idea of two guys being friends and loving each other in 2021 is a problem because of the exploitation of homosexuality. [...] something as pure and beautiful as homosexuality has been exploited by people who are trying to rationalize themselves."

I can't find the rest of the quote, but Mackie goes on further to say that it was important to him to portray "a sensitive, masculine figure" without insinuating that there was romance involved.

Woke culture lost it's shit. Everyone was suddenly claiming that Mackie was calling them exploitative for shipping a gay ship as a queer audience, which could not have been further from the case.

Mackie actually makes some very excellent points in that sensitivity is not gay/queer. Woke culture loves to rag on Toxic Masculinity, but the minute someone plays a character who is loving and sensitive with no queer narrative in mind, they are immediately canceled.

What Am I On About

Okay, let's actually address what your ask was about, Nonnie. You pointed out--rather truthfully--that it is unfair to call-out racism on one side of the fandom, while ignoring it on the other side.

Well, I've gone back through my St*cky vs. SamBucky analysis (which is incoherent at best, I apologize for that) and I see maybe once instance where I called out fandom members for being racist. Here's what I had to say about racism:

"[...] Iron Husbands is a rarepair, probably because it’s an interracial ship."

"[there is] nothing wrong with shipping two white men, but it does become a problem when you ignore/bash POC/interracial ships to the determinant of your own white ship."

And then there was the post you brought up where I addressed interracial ships in the fandom. That one is probably more relevant to this topic, to be honest, as I actually addressed fandom racism there. I assume that your reason for bringing up Stony is because it's a ship that is more relevant to my side of the fandom, HOWEVER, the reason I highlighted Stucky instead was because I was comparing the fact that they've both been around the same amount of time and are relationships that feature the protagonist and their best friend.

You brought up St*ny in the ask, however, so I'm going to talk about St*ny for a minute.

As someone who never has nor will ship St*ny, it never even occurred to me that some of the problem behind the Iron Husbands tag being so small is because everyone ships the white, boring ship. You brought up a very valid point, but because I was never in that part of the fandom, I can't really speak to any possible underlying racism there, besides what I've already said above.

I would be interested in hearing a St*ony shipper or ex-St*ony shippers thought on this, but sadly I don't know any. If you have any more thoughts regarding this, Nonnie, pls drop back into my inbox.

You do make some excellent points in this ask though, and I would like to talk about racism on my side of the fandom.

So back to Mackie and his Twitter cancellation. Notice that Disney made him address the rumors and not his co-star, Sebastian Stan. Anthony Mackie is put on blast and made to answer fan demands and receives backlash, while Sebastian Stan gets to fly under the rader. This is not, by the way, a criticism of Stan, but instead of the blatant racism Disney has been displaying over the past few years.

How this ties in with the rest of my post has to do with my "woke-queer" spaces bit. The outcry across the MCU fandom over Mackie was swift and unforgiving. He was cancelled on charges of homophobia and bigotry--all the while these same fans turn a blind eye to any queer interpretation of other interracial ships and discourse in their own fandom.

The racism that I'm speaking about, of course, is an almost passive racism. Of course if you don't ship a specific ship for reasons other than their race, it's perfectly fine. It's okay not to ship Iron Husbands or SamBucky or any other interracial fandom ships. However, the distinct lack of shippers in the fandom IS telling because there are people who would ship that exact ship if not for the fact that one of men is black.

I don't have much more to say about this except to thank you for bringing it up and for listening to my long rambling post.

(Feel free to bug me about Tony Stark, MCU ships, MCU Meta and anything you want to talk me about on this blog and @themarvelarchives.)

[eregyrn-falls]

[Stan and Ford are born as Ralts.

Grunkle Stan(in this AU Pokémon are civilized while humans are the animals so everyone keeps their "human" names)at a acertain age he just got tired of being a Kirlia and, not having found a Dawn Stone, he ditched his Everstone and let himself become a Gardevoir(but husbando and not waifu).

Grunkle Ford got sucked into the portal as a Kirlia but then came back as a Gallade. He still has polydactyly, which means that he goes from having two finger to having three to having four as he evolves.

Mabel and Dipper are Deerling(Mabel is stuck into the Spring Form while Dipper is stuck into the Summer Form, which is unusual since they should change forms following the seasons).

Soos is a Bibarel, Wendy is a Midnight Form Lycanroc.]

Sure!  I guess?

I’m sorry, but as I have said in the tags on almost every Pokemon-related post I have ever reblogged, I do not know ANYTHING about Pokemon.  I reblog pictures because they’re usually cute; and I appreciate it when the person explains the reason behind the choices they’ve made for the characters.

I’m sure your ideas above are great!  But I do not understand a word of it.  I can’t appreciate the ideas contained in it because I have never played it and of all of the ones you mention above, the only name I even recognize (I think) is Lycanroc (I don’t know what it is, though).  So just telling me “Soos is a Bibarel” tells me nothing.  You’re saying that with the expectation that I know what a Bibarel is and can thus appreciate why you made that selection.  I don’t, and can’t.

(I also have a limited tolerance for hearing about Pokemon minutiae.  I don’t have any attachment to the games or the cartoons or whatever.)

You might want to send this to someone who has done Pokemon-related GF art and understands this stuff.

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

BFCD Reviews by Nesha: Final Space, Season 3

Everybody that know me know that I’m high class #Quillective trash and my main thoughts and feelings go out to Quinn Ergon and Gary Goodspeed - precious Gemini gems, and of course the BABIES: Little Cato, Ash and Fox #NeshaLuhDaKids I had some attachment to Avocato once upon a time, but that n***a got on my LAST nerves this season, so we currently at “Do you, Boo” status by the end of S3, and eventually, yes, I’ma get to why that is. 

Disclaimer for somebody who stumbled across this post because of the fandom tags - I am an independent partaker of this content, not “part of the fandom,” and my audience in particular is NOT for everybody. SO: If you may have been criticized in the past for casual racism, tone deafness to Black women’s concerns or accused of misogynoir or antiblackness, leave now. 

If you don’t like cussing, AAVE, general ratchetness and mean lesbian energy, you too might wanna go. A bitch can be eloquent, but I type like I talk, at times, so it is what it is and I don’t curate for kids, dudes, or nonblacks. That’s just what that is.

I wanna start with Ash Graven. This season is about Ash more than anybody else, despite the fact that there was a lot of emphasis on Avocato’s toxic ass man pain and growth in Quinn and Gary’s relationship, ULTIMATELY, nobody in the crew did more coming into fruition as Ash did, and I have a lot to say about her, because I have a lot of feelings.

♡ Ash Graven

1. Ash is a kid. Lol. Everybody got very confused because of the unnecessary transformation that Invictus gave her. Ash did not “grow up,” her body was altered. That’s a fuckin kid in a woman’s body. A kid who has previously been living with survivor’s guilt, parental abuse/neglect/exploitation, chronic trauma, and a disastrous superpower that most people could not be trusted to carry. She’s a child having a coming of age moment in this season that is mostly molded in manipulation. If you hate on Ash, go fuck yourself. ESPECIALLY if I’ve caught you stanning other characters who have been shit characters, in this fandom or not. Ash was dealt a shit hand and nobody had her back but her brothers, and she’s done what she could and thought was best to care for them. Anybody that missed that - just don’t have kids, K.

2. Ash has no parental guidance. As far as she knows, the only adults who have ever had her back are dead and the ones that she’s stuck with now, she GAVE a chance to try to trust them. She gave Quinn a chance to try to see some of Nightfall (the only adult that we’ve seen not exploit her) in her. She gave Gary a chance by choosing him over Clarence, when she had to make a choice. She even gave Clarence’s ass another chance - with which he responded by dying to not fail her. Now, she has Gary, who just a few days or weeks ago, idek, forced her to try to summon her powers while she was both injured and also upset over having to leave her brother behind - TO SAVE HIS GIRLFRIEND! And she got snatched away in the process and left behind with the enemy, to be mentally assaulted and returned changed, only to have them not trust her.

I love Quinn too. I love her dearly. But the facts were that she was dying and having an episode that nobody could really help with, and Gary didn’t take the time or consideration to think about the stress that he was putting on Ash by putting her in the position to make her feel like she needed to save Quinn for him. Whether or not she was the only one who could, that is a lot to put on a child, and not only did he do it, but he didn’t even seem to think that hard about it whenever he then left her ass. Sure, he was glad when she was returned, but that was a fucked up situation that yet another adult put her into, and the first thing that he should have wanted to do when seeing her was to apologize and try to make it right. It was a huge miscalculation to treat her as a potential enemy that he and Avocato needed to vet. EVEN IF that’s what she was to them, both of them should have had the sense to assess while still treating her as the kid that they supposedly knew.

3. Most of her trauma has been recent and continuous. She looked up to Nightfall, watched her die, and had a meltdown. The events from Season 2 (with Clarence almost killing Fox and leaving him to die, her leaving his side to help out, seeing that Sheryl was treacherous to her own son, losing Nightfall), and the events that are taking place in Season 3 are only in the span of a few months.

They were only stranded for a month whenever we see them surviving together. That girl has had more happen to her to hurt her than to help her and nobody around her BUT Little Cato has been sensitive to that. And they are all fucking adults.

These things being noted - changing Ash’s design was the absolute worse fucking thing. Aging a girl up to make the bad things that follow more palatable is what that seems to be. Ash is still a kid. And THEN, they allegedly made her a queer kid. I say allegedly, because that “reveal” was so poorly done and subtle and weak that I, an almost 40 year old queer, didn’t realize that that’s what they meant whenever they said that they were gonna reveal somebody as a character who is part of the LGBT community.

So... FS production just gon’ decide not only to transform her body into that of a woman, when her mind is still full on traumatized child and hormonal teenager, but also, she likes girls, and they didn’t even do it in a cohesive way that added to the story. They threw it in, like, “BTW, she likes girls, and also, she’s full grown now.” then immediately went for the “Villain” lever, and bitches just ate that shit up. Fuck y’all, forreal. 

& Fox

He didn’t deserve that shit. And, I know a lot of people felt that he was pointless and boring, but his ass was sweet and caring and searching for love and acceptance. As a background character, I liked him. But, he was literally just fodder for Ash’s downfall, which was unfair and problematic, considering that his ass is definitely Black coded. Don’t play. He was voiced by a Black man, spoke with a blaccent, and definitely would be read as Black if you wasn’t looking at him and seeing an alien. They gave him a sacrificial negro trope, the big friendly negro that can kill you but loves everybody trope, and they used his death to just push some narrative forward to set up the one verified queer character as a villain. They got they ass in a vehicle and rolled right over another Black character, and another queer character. Chile...

 ♡ Little Cato!!!

My precious have not been getting some good for too long, and I have had it. He’s not focused on so much this season as he is in the background of other people’s stories, but a very important takeaway is and will always be that Little Cato, aside from Fox, really was the only one here who consistently treated her like she mattered, so it made a lot of sense that he could be the catalyst for her finally having ENOUGH with these people.

I really wish that he could have found out the truth about his past from Avocato, because that’s really who OWED him that truth, but Ash did the thing that I’d expect and told him, to be honest with him. She even told him that Avocato wanted to tell him and that she took that right away from him, because she didn’t believe he deserved it, and I’m respecting her for that, too. I wish she could see how much it hurt Little Cato for her to try to take him away from his home. 

Little Cato has lived before, for a while, and he’s not mature enough to behave as a man, but he at least has a loving foundation to draw from, and having had that support, this is more of his home than it is Ash’s. He doesn’t know how to explain that to her, and she doesn’t know how to understand that for him. Just a tragic situation for two kids with a lot of problems.

♡ Quinn Ergon & Gary Goodspeed

Quinnary notes that might not be featured in the BFCD Reviews by Nesha:  (Quinn Ergon/Nightfall x Gary Goodspeed) rundown - 

I've had two favorite parts of this season so far and they're very mediocre things that you wouldn't think would be like my favorite part but they are. One of them was that the first thing Gary does when she wakes up is to ask her about her sister (someone obviously very important to her who he's previously promised to allow to let live through Quinn's memory and says he wants to hear about her when he's trying to keep Quinn from dying). Because... He really did care and wasn't just saying something to keep her.

Quinn's mother fucked her up in a way that is so frustrating because Black mamas really will traumatize you about their younger kids. That shit hurt. You showed your daughter dead bodies to make her think about that in the event that your other daughter might be in battle? Bitch wtf

Whenever we say that Black girls are programmed to put everybody ahead of us, that's unfortunately not just including Society, it's in households too. And Quinn comes from this place where that is her reality... Then she meets Gary and he doesn't even register for her as anything special. He doesn't appear impressive or incredible in any way... But he (admittedly) weirdly locks on to her and shares himself - thinking that he's showing himself to her, and ultimately he DOES. And he wants to see her too, beyond all this, who she is, at her most humane. He wants to know about her sister. About someone who mattered to her enough to have the helm of her trauma when she was out of touch with reality. Very soft. Very sweet.

The other was when they were talking about how they met and stuff and Gary absolutely cringed thinking about how corny he was when he approached this woman. A lot of dudes never do that. The complaint of earlier seasons that Gary was overbearing, obsessive and creepy , if you missed the fact that he has terrible abandonment issues from his father’s death and his mother’s rejection, here we have him, in his adult state, looking back at the way he was and being embarrassed about it, and that’s growth!

A close third is whenever at the beginning of the Season he says "Quinn it's been a month eventually you have to open up to me about what you've been through" and she says "I will in time" and he respects it but he reiterates that he's there whenever she needs him. I don't think that people realize how revolutionary that kind of statement is especially for a character like Quinn to hear - who has always felt like she had to take charge, had to take the lead, had to make the sacrifice.

Even when she realized that she was dying, she didn't want to burden him with the information. Not even like ‘a thing that she knew if that could help prevent it and she didn't want him to have to go after it,’ but... she didn't even want him to have to deal with knowing about it!

Maybe she thought that she would just drop, maybe she didn't realize that he was going to have to see her in that condition. And then once she realized that he was going to have to see her in that condition one of the first things she says is "I should have told you." Girl is on her deathbed wishing she had done it differently, for Gary's benefit.

I saw somebody on Twitter tried to come for her about not going to Gary after he killed Fox (you know, shortly after her surgery to save her from the very brink of death, and listen... Quinn comes to see about Gary when she can. She’s done it several times. In fact, I’ma make a whole POST about Quinn and Gary moments SPECIFICALLY to point out to haters in the main tag - where they got Quinn Ergon, and by extension, me, FUCKED UP.

Stop Playing in Quinn Face

HI! HELLO. ACTUALLY MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS SEASON IS THAT QUINN AND GARY JUST FUCKED. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANKS. OK. Back 2 bidness

See.. after Gary and Quinn got over the humps of Quinn’s Final Space poisoning... everyone got it... nobody told her until Avocato was mad and told her during a lash out, and let me say something about Avocato’s fucking audacity this season... 

♡ Avocato (Note: His name is A-V-O-C-A-T-O. Some of y’all be tryna stan and y’all can’t even spell his name.)

I done seent Avacata, Avocata... That’s not that dude name. Be writing whole ass expositions about some other Ventrexian n*gga. Hope this helps:

AVOCATO. Listen, boy. YOU decided to be a traitor to your people and your king and queen. YOU decided to dedicate your cause to the Lord Commander and lied to your son his entire life about killing his parents, raising him, and never talking to him about it.

Yet and STILL - whenever you had the chance to finally tell him, you ain’t do the shit. Lord Commander gave you the perfect ass opportunity - WHEN IT CAME UP, and even then, with that boy looking you dead in the face and being glad that now he knows everything... you ain’t Ventrexian man up.

Then, whenever you were supposed to be checking on Gary after his traumatic murder fight with Fox and Invictus, you turned it around and literally made it about you. attacking him in the process and only after a physical fight did you apologize. (And y’all still didn’t get back to what had happened to Gary, which was no real fault of his own). 

Fast forward to after you willingly agreed to stay behind and fight and y’all lost. Now, it was Quinn’s turn to be the center of your blame and you lashed out at her because everybody is dying, despite the fact that y’all agreed to stay behind and fight, nobody even told her that y’all were sick, AND you still wasn’t 100 with Little Cato. 

You just had a lot of mothafuckin audacity this season, Avocato, and I personally was not here for the shit. Even when Ash blasted yo ass, your main thought was to threaten to kill her if she took Little Cato, instead of assuring her that despite what you’ve done, Little Cato was safe with you. No, she wouldn’t have listened to you. But, the words you chose tell us about who you are and how you are. You a war mongering killer that don’t ever take responsibility for his shit, and even in those brief moments that you do, its always somebody else’s problem. 

I’da thunk that LC getting snatched away would be humbling for you, but I guess you were chosen by the writers for minimal growth. Bye, Avocato. Witcha bitch ass. We is not cool right now, but you do you. Hope you find some growth up there in ya ass, where ya head been. 😁 Can’t believe I mourned yo ass. You coulda stayed dead as hell.

FINALE NOTES:

OK BITCH OK THIS FINALE WAS HYPE!

Let me pull it up so that I can liveblog it for the shit that I need to conclude this journey. 

We start out after Ash done took Little Cato and burnt off. Gary and AVOCATO done said they finna go get they son. Chile, I cannot handle Biskit voice. I like that lil’ dude but ya voice, Mane. I can’t with it. 

OK OK OK... Whenever Quinn comes up to Gary to talk to him and say potential goodbyes, she look like she wanna say some and that makes me think about whenever she looked like she wanted to say something in season 1 and didn’t. Quinn as grown a lot in her feelings for Gary, but she still has that hard time with talking about her feelings, but I love that you can see them in her face.

Chile... these folk was kinda taking they time gettin started, huh? Knuckas, do y’all remember that everybody finna die of FS poisoning? Lol. Also... why didn’t they start hallucinating and shit? I guess its not until it covers ya face? 

NIGHTFALL. 😥 I love you, Sis. I miss you. But, “Because I’m you and WE think of everything...” YES. I HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT! EVERYBODY EXPECTS QUINN TO THINK OF EVERYTHING AND WHENEVER THEY DON’T THINK OF THE THINGS, SHE GETS BLAMED FOR MAKING THE TOUGH DECISIONS THAT NOBODY ELSE COULD EVEN MAKE. Underappreciated, really. And people still mark Nightfall as a villain, despite the fact that she not only sacrificed herself, but also came specifically to help another Gary. Sidenote - Nightfall didn’t actually pursuit Quinn’s Gary until Quinn was trapped in Final Space and she thought she got a signal from him. So, I’m still salty AF that she been labelled as a villain just because people don’t like her, when her actions have all been to try to help. Here is no difference. She thought of the things that she didn’t think a younger version of her would think of, and left it for Quinn to find. Nightfall be on RNS, and most of y’all didn’t deserve her.

Quinn’s identity crisis is so sad, but I liked that Nightfall EVEN thought about that. And Sheryl... you kinda starting to grow on me. I hate to give shitty mothers who find compassion in old chance a try, but she do seem to really be giving it a go. 

Ash is so fucked up that she rushes right into the devil’s arms. This reminds me of when trafficking victims go back to their abusers because they don’t have the resources to adjust in the system. 😪 She REALLY believes what she’s saying. She really feels like Little Cato is safer with Invictus with the Team Squad. That’s sad as fuck, bruh. 

THE. ACTING. AND. ARTWORK. IN. THIS. CONFRONTATION. SCENE.

Avocato... I’m proud of you for FINALLY taking responsibility ad opening up about it. Little Cato’s reaction is precisely how kids in the system are, as well. They wanna be at home with their parents, no matter who their parents are or what they’ve done. and Avocato meant what he said and did what I referred to earlier as “Ventraxian man up.”

“I’m sorry we failed you,” from Gary was so important. Because, they technically did fail her. Had Ash seen the same amount of love from Gary as she’s seen him give to others, she might have been more receptive to the truth and less susceptible to lies. But, as she had just said earlier, it was too late for kind words. She’s currently beyond accepting them from him. For a brief moment, it breaks through, but without that ability to know love from an adult properly, she can’t accept that apology right now.

H.U.E. with his big robot, Lord Commander...EYE. There’s so much happening right now bitch processing has left the room girl. Biskit did so damn much this episode. And it was good to see everybody on the team have a moment to help things, instead of like one person having to handle the bulk of things. 

Quinn’s begging voice... its such a contrast from whenever she sent out the SOS in season 1 and was afraid and angry. Like... the desperation here shows her softness. 

Ash’s RAGE Bitch...

Gary’s “I love you...” She looked so happy! And then she just sat with it. I feel like she definitely loves him too, but she doesn’t communicate that way. But, her FACE. She was just... did she think that he didn’t before, or was she just speechless because she didn’t expect to hear it? Because, we gotta be real... Sis probably has not ever heard those words from anybody before. And that first time, when it’s really there is a DOOZIE. She had an abusive mother, a seemingly jealous or competitive sister, and we saw how nobody in the Infinity Guard respected her ass when she was serving them the real. I think this is the first time she’s been in love or felt it and when Gary said it, she had to collect herself. The way she ran to him and jumped into his arms??? SHIPPING CRACK. And Mooncake was a part of their hug too. I have a lot of feelings about this dynamic since Quinn and Mooncake are the only characters that we’ve seen Gary have these “love at first sight” reactions to and Mooncake is the first character that I recall Quinn being nice to in S1. 

So.. my heart was very full when they ripped it from my chest moments later. Mooncake has been watching Team Squad members be self sacrificing for a little while now, and he loves his family and Gary so much that he rushes straight towards danger. (Sure, I don’t think that he estimated how powerful Ash could be at this moment), but he had to at least consider that he might be caught or left behind.

Bitch, Ash is GONE. She said, “Fuck all y’all!” Not knowing whether or not Mooncake is destroyed makes it very hard for me to know how much I can stand this, but I also want to hope that he is gonna survive. Quinn having to make the decision to lightfold is hella sad, but even though Gary is destroyed, he has to know that this is exactly how Ash must’ve felt whenever he had to make the call to leave Fox behind. She hated to do that to Gary. She even seemed more regretful about it than Gary did whenever he had to leave Fox and when he left Ash. Sure, its because she loves him more than he loved Fox and Ash, but its a terrible position to be in to have to hurt somebody you love like that. On the other hand, they gave her hella shit for them not escaping when could have the first time, so naturally, she was going to make this decision. 

It very much sucks that Invictus is free and my brain can’t eeem FATHOM what that means for everything and everybody, but the Final Space poisoning left the Team Squad’s system, so maybe there is a rejuvenation of some sort in Invictus’ power? Or does Final Space poisoning leave your system as soon as you leave Final Space? I don’t think that was clarified. 

Anyways, I still don’t hate Ash. Y’all can say whatever about it, but I see sad white boys get forgiven all day every day on this site, and I’m upset, but I’m not letting my baby go. I’m not cheering her on, but unless she dies, I’m gonna hope for the best for her, like I said here. 

DAMN this season was some shit. Ionknow if I’m emotionally capable of watching another season of Final Space in progress. If they make it back for another season, I will most likely just wait until the end to dive in and let them shock my senses all at once instead of on a weekly goddamn basis, because GODDAMN GODDAMN GODDDAMN!

@andromidagalaxie @daintyurbanprincess @shslargue @space-finally​  The Quinnary Moments Masterlist probably won’t be ready by Quinn’s birthday, since her birthday is the day before Juneteenth, but I’ve started on a little fic that I might have the first installment of posted by then. We shall see. 

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Here is my JOURNEY during my first watch of the first two seasons of the show. (I watched Season 3 in progress and waited until it was over to write up this review) and my probably incoherent tag of whenever I do me a lil’ liveblogging: Nesha Watches Final Space, and here is my review on Quinnary: BFCD Reviews by Nesha: (Quinn Ergon/Nightfall x Gary Goodspeed) FINAL SPACE

[ynscrazylife]

Spoilers

Not sure if you write for Melina from Black Widow but if you do could you please write a Melina x Reader where they are both locked in the cells in the red room and confess to each other and kiss

Destined to Lose | m.v fic

Summary: Melina recalls the love that she once shared with a Red Room agent years ago.

Authors Note: Thanks for requesting! Also, as the Red Room focuses on girls, the reader will be female.

Warning: Implications of some malnourishment. 

Request to be on a taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)

MCU Masterlist #1 | MCU Masterlist #2 |  Main Masterlist

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of these works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

Ever since the Red Room had been stopped once and for all, there seemed to be the fragrance of calm in the air, washing over Mother Russia . . . or maybe it had just washed over Melina, Alexei, and Yelena, as everything had been shifted now. They were all free and had the opportunity to work on their shattered relationships - and to work on their shattered selves. Each one had coped in their own way, discovering and rediscovering their interests and who they were outside the Red Room, outside KGB.

One of the ways that Melina chose to heal was to take time for herself, and that included reading. More often than not, she’d be curled up in an armchair in the living room, entranced as her eyes swept over the ink printed on every page. The stories, whether they be fiction or non, always captivated her, and she soaked in every word.

That is the precise reason that despite being a highly trained and experienced spy, she didn’t notice that her youngest daughter was in the room until she piped up and spoke.

“Melina?”

Instantly the brunette was tugged from the faraway world she was in and her head snapped up, eyes holding a gaze of alarm for just a moment before they stilled. Melina took in Yelena’s state. The younger woman was standing confidently but her face told a different story. She was concentrating on something, Melina could tell from the way that her muscles were pulled, and there was an inner dialogue going on, troubling her.

“Yes, dear?” Melina said, carefully turning over the corner of the page and closing the book on her lap, as she could tell that this conversation wouldn’t be over in a minute.

“I had a question,” Yelena began, pausing for a moment and then sitting in the armchair across from her mother. She continued when she was comfortable. “-which you don’t have to answer.” She reeled in her worried gaze and made it more neutral.

Melina allowed her shoulders to slump into a relaxed posture and drew her bushy eyebrows together, her chin jutting down ever so slightly. “What is it?” She asked, the curiosity gnawing at her, since this wasn’t Yelena’s typical behavior.

Yelena seemed to be collecting her thoughts and, when she was finished, spoke in a delicate manner. “When I was looking at the Red Room’s files that Natasha got, I . . . I came across yours. It had said that you had been through the Red Room five times and . . . It mentioned someone named Y/N Y/L/N? I was wondering-” she cut herself off abruptly when she saw the solemn and serious look on her mother’s face.

The moment she heard that name, it struck something inside Melina. The memory, the feelings, it all came hurtling back with a force that had been absent for years. Y/N.

Y/N was the name that caused her stomach to twist and turn as the wound was ripped open. Y/N was the name that put a smile on her lips through the tears and reminded her how far she came when she was sad. Y/N was the name she thought of as a battle cry when she jumped into a fight against those Red Room agents. Y/N was the name she focussed on, like one would stare at a point on the wall to keep focus, as she got through the hardest times in her life, motivated her to push through with all her might.

With all those thoughts running through Melina’s head, she finally looked up, met Yelena’s gaze with her own, and parted her lips to tell her a story.

Melina had long since given up keeping track of the days at this point. There was no use, for by this time the days had all blurred into one. She could only differentiate the day and the night because every night is when someone with a deep frown on their face would walk in and give her a tray of food, and every morning was when someone else would arrive and take said tray away. She had barely moved from the position she sat in: back against the chain wall that seperated her cell and the one right next to hers and her knees drawn to her chest. She’d tune in to any sound she could hear and fixate.

She had been thrown into this cell because of her attempt to escape the Red Room. It wouldn’t be the first time she tried to escape, nor would it be the first time she sat in this cell, but it was the first time that she had gotten as far as she did, since she had help.

Melina could only wonder why she was here and Y/N wasn’t, and those wonderings always ended up with her conjuring thoughts and ideas that frightened her.

She ended up having the endless questions crawling at the back of her mind come to a halt when she heard pounding footsteps one day. Despite being in a tired haze, Melina snapped right out of it and became alert, watching and waiting with anticipation as their footsteps got closer, and closer, and closer.

The person - or people - belonging to those footsteps came into sight and Melina couldn’t stop the gasp before it escaped her lips when she saw what was happening.

A man, a Red Room agent, was practically dragging Y/N who was thrashing about, doing her best to put up a fight, but ultimately losing it when he carelessly tossed her into the cell next to Melina’s, locked the door, and walked away.

Only after his receding footsteps could be heard no more did Y/N look up from her tears, only for her eyes to widen and for her to lurch towards the chain wall, fingers grasping around it, when she laid eyes on Melina. Melina did the same and, after a little struggle, they managed to hold hands in a steel grip through the chain.

“Mel,” Y/N breathed, but her hoarse voice caused her to cough.

“Y/N,” Melina whispered, tightening her grip and scooting as close to the chain wall - as close to Y/N - as she could. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

Y/N let out a shaky sigh, alarming Melina, and rested her forehead against the chain. “I wasn’t thrown into the cell immediately because you’ve been through the Red Room five times now, but I haven’t. They wanted to train me more and they did their best, but when I kept on fighting them they decided to put me in here.” she answered tiredly.

Melina thought this over and let out a sigh of her own, but this was a sigh of relief. She was glad that she no longer had to worry about Y/N and thankful that Y/N was with her so she could make sure that nothing bad would happen to her.

After a couple moments of the silence beginning to creep in again, Melina decided that she needed to tell Y/N something. “I have to tell you something, love.”

Y/N looked up, a beautiful glint in her eyes telling that she was intrigued. God, Melina had missed seeing that look on her face.

“Don’t feel pressured to respond, just, after I’ve been away from you, I really, really have to say this: I . . . I love you,” Melina confessed, bravely meeting Y/N’s gaze.

Y/N blinked, but that glint did not go away. In fact, it seemed to get bigger, making the smile on her lips reach her eyes, and she squeezed Melina’s hands as best she could.

“I love you, too.”

Those four words were probably the softest words she had ever spoken, but they were beyond true.

Melina leaned forward and Y/N after a moment did too. They did their best and managed to meet each other with a kiss. The two cherished it - the kiss was sweet and simple and not over-the-top. Perfect. They each leaned back.

Then, the silence came again, but this time, to Melina, it was more comfortable.

“I have something to tell you, also”

Melina looked up, expecting the smile to still be on Y/N’s face, but it was faltering. She tilted her head to the side.

“I insisted to them that you not be put through the Red Room a sixth time. I’m not sure if they’re going to do anything, but I wanted to stop what they were doing to you and-”

“That you did. They’ve listened.”

Both looked up to see a Red Room agent standing outside Melina’s cell. He unlocked it and she instantly scurried back, but couldn’t do anything to prevent him from grabbing her and yanking her up. “Y/N!” She yelled as she was half-dragged, half-carried away.

Y/N sat up, banging on the chain. Tears started streaming down her face. It was happening far too fast. “MELINA!” She yelled. “I’M SORRY!”

There was fear in her voice. Oh, god, what had she done?

Melina paused for a moment, eyes focussed on Y/N as they went down the hall. She then said calmly, but with a firmness, “Don’t be!”

“And that was the last time I saw her,” Melina concluded her story, not meeting Yelena’s eyes, but with tears threatening to spill.

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[blueeyedrichie]

I personally would Love to hear about The Buttons !!! (Euther via this ask or the post Idc) tell me about the buttons! They seemed so focused on but I could never connect them to anything and I'd love love hear your thoughts!!

AHH yes omg thank you <33333 i have not stopped thinking about your post just so you know i am,,, fully losing it </3 also for anyone interested and who hasn’t seen it yet this is the post we are referring to and i freaked out about the buttons in my tags 

basically what i’m saying is that i agree with you fully about your theory and that IT absolutely 10000% murdered Stanley, and here’s why:

TW: discussions of Stan’s death under the cut

okay so basically I think that IT absolutely killed Stan, and that IT was fucking with Patty as well. Like how IT blinds all the adults in Derry to everything going on around them? IT does this to Patty as well, IT basically blinds her to the VERY obvious and easily readable signs that there is something wrong with her husband, who she loves A LOT and talks about feeling shame for not having noticed something was so wrong with him later on when she’s talking to her parents

pg 50, Stephen King’s IT

I also firmly believe that Patty is basically an honorary loser and knew that some shit was going down, but obviously she wouldn’t have been able to understand it in a way that Stan could have, having not experienced IT herself. “They had both suspected something” BOTH????

during and after the call, Patty is so hyperfocused on watching Family Feud and on sewing a black button (!!!!!!!) onto Stanley’s blue denim shirt that she pretty much convinces herself that he’s okay, and that the obvious signs she’s noticing aren’t really there:

pg 51, Stephen King’s IT

Like, she even knows WHEN AND WHY HE SHUTS THE BATHROOM DOOR? obviously Patty - when not being interfered with by cosmic forces - would have known that something was clearly wrong with her husband, and wouldn’t have given a shit about the tv show. not to mention the buttons “although she knew there were loads of them in the button box” “they hid, of course; that was the only explanation...” it’s basically like IT is not only blinding her from Stanley’s obvious distress, but he knows that won’t be enough, so he adds in these distractions and perfectly placed things so it’ll be easier to convince her not to go after him. again, i feel like this goes back to her being an “honorary” loser, just as she doesn’t fully understand these things, IT doesn’t have as much power over her because she isn’t one of the Chosen Seven. but they both still have influence.

pg 52, Stephen King’s IT

this excerpt is from right after the show ends, when she thinks of him for the first time ONLY once the credits start rolling. just enough time for IT to have IT’s way with Stanley, perhaps? “they were only an excuse”, that’s what IT wants her to believe, but they had been carefully misplaced to prevent her from going after Stanley

Something else that leads me to believe IT was at play here is that they never have children, and IT uses this against her in this scene. In the book, none of the losers have kids, and they realize it during their first meeting after Mike’s phone call. It’s a pretty big deal, Richie even has a failed vasectomy that he doesn’t discover for YEARS after sleeping with his ex girlfriend Sandy, who never gets pregnant (not with Richie anyway) So they all kind of agree that it has something to do with IT, and Patty’s family is constantly asking them when they’ll have kids and they never do, and I think the way King writes about this here is basically IT taunting her:

pg 53, Stephen King’s IT

Also I think this is kind of interesting:

pg 53, Stephen King’s IT

I feel like this is the moment when IT basically lets her go? Or leaves in general, as mentioned in op’s post, it takes a lot of power for IT to go somewhere other than Derry, and I’m sure IT wouldn’t hang around long after IT completes what IT went there to do. Again, I think Patty was aware of what was happening on some level the whole time, but she was unable to do anything about it because of IT’s influence on her, but this is pretty telling imo of how out of it she was. surely part of that is panic, but even the line “the panic which had come into the front of her mind like a prowler...” IT had IT’s way with her and then freed her mind when IT was done

pg 54, Stephen King’s IT

I feel like this is just?? important, that she thinks about the turtle immediately after coming back to herself. she’s trying to stay calm now that she’s able to think rationally as well, and following this she goes to get the key to unlock the upstairs bathroom, which leads into the part that makes me crazy

pg 54, Stephen King’s IT

HALF A DOZEN BLACK ONES??????? where were they when she was working on Stanley’s shirt??? idk go fuckn ask pennywise. for real though, and like it’s such a small detail that gets mentioned a couple times but it’s just stuck with me so much and i feel like this is supposed to show how IT was using the smallest, most unimportant things to distract Patty

also i’d like to touch on the things you mentioned about Patty discovering Stanley and how he was positioned seemed so unnatural. yes!!! i agree!!!!!

pg 55, Stephen King’s IT

“with his back propped” “his mouth hung open like a sprung door” “his expression was one of abysmal, frozen horror” frozen in horror like the last image he saw was of the most terrifying thing he’s ever seen before? just before IT murders him? yeah

also:

pg 56, Stephen King’s IT

like op said in their post, WHY? why would he have written that? the last thing Stanley would want to be remembered by is IT, but IT wants the others to know about this. IT wants them to be scared so they don’t go after IT, and after IT used Stanley’s finger to leave his mark, IT drops his hand into the bath and leaves

WAYYY TLDR; i fully agree with your theory and this whole part has haunted me since i originally read the book.