#Obi-Wan spent the last ten years moving on

[tragedy-for-sale]

Lingering Pain

Whoever decided to have Obi-Wan's hair fall out of place to symbolize when he himself is falling apart is genius.

When he's fighting Maul, he doesn't want to defeat him, he wants to kill him. He's so angry, flashes of Qui-Gon lying lifeless on the floor go through his head and suddenly he's 25 again losing the only father he'd ever known. Suddenly, he's channeling all the rage of his youth and it consumes him because this isn't Maul versus Obi-Wan now, this is Maul versus a young man who'd never known loss like this.

Now notice all the lightsaber marks, and notice how they all come from Obi-Wan. Maul doesn't slash the wall. Maul has the advantage, he's calm, collected and he knew exactly what to say that would rile Obi-Wan, and it worked. All that trauma Obi-Wan went through with Qui-Gon's death, there wasn't a Jedi that could help him in the way he needed. So he buried all of it, but then Maul came back from the dead, and so did all that pain.

Maul still being alive isn't fair. It isn't fair that he got cut in half and was able to live when Qui-Gon didn't survive. Obi-Wan finds himself so angry because how does a creature so evil get to live and his master didn't? You see can it in his rage, it isn't fair, you can see the mournful root of his anger, it isn't fair, you can see it with each careless, striken blow, It isn't fair.

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

There is a certain loneliness to the jedi life, despite their temple community.

It's a little vague, exactly how much time active jedi spend away from the temple, but there's reason enough to believe that accounts for most of their time. They are supposed to serve the galaxy at large, they can't all do that from coruscant.

So it makes sense for most of them to be gone most of the time. Obi Wan references being on Mandalore for a year, for example, and that's not indicated to be especially unusual.

So the temple becomes the homecoming. It's where they grew up, it's where they find their family, it's a place of peace and healing and respite.

But it's not their day-to-day home. They don't go to work at the senate and come back for supper with the kids. They come and they go in a time-scale of weeks and months and years.

How often are friends like ships passing in the night? The sister you grew up with isn't there when you get back, and she isn't there when you leave again either, and by the time your home again, you haven't seen each other in person in years?

And in their travels, they make connections wherever they go, they make friends and even fall in love- but they know they know their paths will diverge eventually. (who here has backpacked or moved around a lot? ...I speak from experience) You learn to cherish and love in the moment you exist in, in those circumstances. You learn that something is not less worthwhile because it's over, or because it changed. Have you ever watched the ocean waves wash away your footprints and thought about the immortality of a single moment in time?

The jedi knight is adrift, the temple is a port.

It's no wonder, really, that the deepest relationships in a jedi's life is that of Master and Padawan. Apprenticeships last a decade or more, and in that time they are each other's constant companion. There's no separation between work and family life, either, because the padawan is learning the work of the master, not going off to school every day and coming home in time for supper. They may not live together in the temple, the padawan may not be dependent on the master for livelihood, but out there in the galaxy they are also sharing rooms and finding sustenance together. They are partners in an almost unbearably close way.

But even that relationship is impermanent by it's very nature. It is the master's duty to prepare the padawan for independence, not to make a companion out of them. There's no rush, but every moment is working toward the goal of eventually parting ways.

I've sometimes said Anakin didn't integrate well, and mocked him a little for not making friends his age, and there's the whole 'bullied in middle school' joke, but-

-but maybe that's unfair to both Anakin and the other jedi his age. Anakin did not go to jedi high school for four years and get bullied and made no friends. Maybe he spent most of those ten years on the road with Obi Wan, meeting people and then leaving them, and when he came to the temple, it just wasn't quite the home and hearth it was for Obi Wan. Maybe he met Aayla for a few weeks when he was 11 and they got on okay but then it was three years later and he'd changed and she'd changed and they didn't have that bedrock of a shared childhood. Maybe they never really even got a chance to be close.

Maybe there's a certain loneliness to being a jedi.

[just-dreaming-marvel]

The Bond Between Us ~ 50

THE BOND BETWEEN US MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 2,600ish

Summary: Obi-Wan leaves you to fight Darth Vader. You and Leia make it to Alderaan safely. 

Notes: The last scene guys. The last scene. And I just couldn’t stop myself from adding gifs.

Besides whatever the Force was trying to warn him about, Obi-Wan’s worry increased over you. You were clearly getting weaker and weaker with each passing moment. Leia was sensing it too. Leia had placed herself as close to you as possible, holding your hand tightly. Obi-Wan held you steady as the ship shook due to the blasts it was receiving from Vader’s star cruiser.

“Hyperdrive’s almost ready,” Roken stated, coming back into the room. He looked at Sully. “Move all power to the rear shields. We’ll head for Tessen. Get you out from there.”

Obi-Wan’s brows furrowed. He could sense something off with Roken. Slowly and carefully, Obi-Wan maneuvered you to lie down on the bench as he stood.

“Obi…” you called, confused as to why he was leaving your side.

“I’m going to see if they need my help,” he whispered, placing a kiss on your head. He looked at Leia. “Watch her?”

“I will,” Leia replied with a nod.

Obi-Wan followed after Roken. “We’re not gonna make it to Tessen, are we?”

“Motivator’s shot,” Roken responded in a whisper.. “Power couplings are bad. I’m workin’ on it, but those shields won’t last forever.”

“How much time do you need?” The ship shook as it was hit.

“More than we have.”

Slowly, he turned back to where you, Leia, and the crowd were. He noticed Leia comforting a nearby boy with her droid, Lola. He smiled softly as he went over and crouched down in front of her.

“They’re scared,” Leia told him. “She keeps their minds off of it.”

“Maybe I should borrow her too,” Obi-Wan replied with a kind expression. 

He then told her the plan he formed to distract Vader. You were listening though you were too weak to respond, and Obi-Wan knew it.

“No! No way!” Leia yelled. “You can’t just leave me here!”

“I’m the one that Vader wants,” Obi-Wan said calmly. “If I go, he will follow.”

“I’m not letting you!” She gripped onto you as she pulled away from him.

“Leia, please.”

“Wait, what happened to all of us staying together?” A woman asked, having easily overheard the conversation.

“Roken needs more time to fix the ship. This will give him that time. You’ve spent ten years protecting the Jedi. This is my chance to return that favor.”

“But we’re so close,” Roken argued.

“Roken, you know this plan makes sense.”

“No, we need you!” Sully retorted.

“It’ll buy you the time you need. You must get these people out of here. You are all the future. You are the future. You’re what needs to survive.”

“No,” Leia said, storming off.

“Leia.”

Haja stood up and got in front of Obi-Wan. “I find she needs to be given space,” he said. “Just—“

“You must promise me that you’ll get her home, Haja.” He glanced back at you. “That you will get them both home. As soon as I’m in the clear.”

“You have my word. Although, I know the word of a liar and a fake Jedi may not mean much to you.”

“It’s good enough for me.” Obi-Wan turned around and came over to you. He knelt beside you. “My little star,” he whispered, tearing up. “I am so sorry… Haja will get you and Leia to Alderaan and I will join you as soon as I can.”

“Obi,” you rasped. “Don’t.”

“I have to in order to give these people a chance… to give you and Leia a chance.” He held a kiss to your head. “If I do not make it, please forgive me… I love you, little star.”

“I love you… Obi,” you took his hand to stop him from leaving, “take me with you when you say goodbye to Leia… we will need each other.”

Obi-Wan nodded and hurried off to further secure the details of his plan.

~~~

Obi-Wan carried you to a small room in the back, where Haja was talking to Leia. You could sense Leia’s hurt as Obi-Wan placed you next to her.

“I talked to her,” Haja whispered as he came over to Obi-Wan. “You’re welcome.” Then he walked off. Obi-Wan moved to stand in front of Leia.

“You said you’d take me home,” Leia said.

“I wish that I could, Leia,” Obi-Wan responded. “Really, I do… Please tell your father I tried.” Leia stayed silent, looking down at the ground. Obi-Wan got down on a knee. “I have something for you.” He handed her Tala’s holster. “Roken found it before we got out. She would have wanted you to have it.”

“It’s empty.” You let out a small laugh at Leia’s comment.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “Well, I wasn’t gonna give you a blaster, Leia. You’re ten years old.” 

He sighed. “But you won’t always be.” He looked at you, staring at the ring hanging from your neck. “Take care of her.”

Leia nodded. “I will.” She launched herself forward and hugged him tightly. 

When she pulled away, it was clear she was sad. “Come back,” she whispered. “Please.”

“I promise.” Obi-Wan gave her a nod as one last hug before turning to you and kissing your head. “Hold on, little star. Leia will get you home.”

~~~

Haja and Roken carried the stretcher you had been placed on from the transport to the ship that Haja had gotten to take him, you, and Leia to Alderaan. Leia stayed by your side, holding your hand as much as she could. You were constantly in and out of consciousness. Now connected to Obi-Wan through your bond once more, you were catching glimpses of the fight Obi-Wan and Vader were having.

“Have you come to destroy me, Obi-Wan?”

“I will do what I must.”

“Then you will die!”

“Did you truly think that you could defeat me? You have failed, Master.”

“Anakin.”

“Anakin is gone… I am what remains.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Anakin… for all of it.”

“I am not your failure, Obi-Wan… you didn’t kill Anakin Skywalker... I did… The same way, I will destroy you!”

“Then my friend is truly dead… Goodbye, Darth.”

The feeling in the Force that you and Obi-Wan had before came back. Someone was in endanger. Your mind sought out who it could be, quickly coming up with Luke. If you could feel it, then you knew Obi-Wan could and that he would rush there to save him. Knowing that Obi-Wan hadn’t been killed by Vader, made it possible for your body to finally, and fully, give into rest.

~~~

When you woke, you knew that you were in the medical center of the palace on Alderaan. Looking around, you noticed Leia asleep on the end of the bed you were on.

“She hasn’t left your side once,” Bail whispered, walking into the room. “Says that she promised to watch over you.”

“She’s a good one,” you responded, looking at the Senator.

“Yes, she is.” He sat down in a chair beside your bed. “I am grateful to see you alive. Obi-Wan had feared you to be dead.”

“Yeah… honestly, there were a couple of times I wished I was. But then I thought of the kids, of Obi-Wan, and I fought.”

“You did well. Nine years is a long time to fight.”

“Yes… yes, it is.” You looked around the room. “How long have I been out?”

“A few days.”

“Have you…”

“We have not heard from Obi-Wan.”

“I know he is not dead, I can sense him. But I am worried about why he has not returned.”

“Leia said he promised you both that he would return. He will come.”

~~~

Another day passed before Breha insisted that you and Leia change and meet her and Bail out on the landing platform. Leia held your hand as you two walked over to the platform. She was confidently walking, Tala’s holster attached to her.

“You haven’t told me about my real mother like you said you would,” Leia said.

“You’re right,” you responded. “Though, I have been a little busy resting and healing.”

“Will you now?”

“Maybe after we see what your parents want from us.”

Breha and Bail were already on the platform as you walked to them, with a ship just landing. You sighed at the familiar presence you could sense from inside the ship. You knew Leia would be excited about who was here. When the two of you arrived at the couple's side, Bail took his daughter in.

“You said there were many ways to lead,” Leia told her father.

“Looks like I was right,” Bail replied with a smile.

“If I’m going to do this, I’m going to want to change a few things.”

“Then let’s change things together.”

Leia smiled as she turned to the ship. “So, who is it today? More cousins?”

“Not exactly.”

You smiled widely as the door opened and Obi-Wan stepped off the ship. He was smiling as Lola floated above him. Leia gasped.

“Lola!” She exclaimed, racing forward toward the droid and Obi-Wan.

“Who am I to separate a young lady from her droid?” Obi-Wan commented. He walked over, happier than he had been in a long time, toward Bail and gave him a hug.

“Obi-Wan,” Bail greeted.

Breha took Obi-Wan’s hand and shook it. “Thank you,” she said.

“Of course,” he responded.

“We can never repay you,” Bail told Obi-Wan.

“Well, she has already done that… in more ways than I thought she ever could.” 

Obi-Wan looked back at Leia and then at you. He hurried over and took you by the waist. He spun you around, causing you to laugh. A sound that he hadn’t heard in ten years. When he stopped, he pulled you in for a kiss.

“I missed you, little star,” he whispered, breath fanning against your lips.

“As I did you,” you responded. “How is Luke?”

“Safe.”

“And you are?”

“Better. Much better.” He smiled, before kissing your lips briefly. “And how are you?”

“Leia took great care of Y/N,” Bail responded for you.

“Oh, yes,” you agreed, “even slept at the end of my bed like some sort of pet.” You all laughed. As the laughter died down, you all found yourselves watching Leia.

“I fear for her future. The Empire grows stronger and bolder.”

“Well, if you ever need my help again, you know where to find me.”

“Find us,” you corrected.

“Let’s hope that day never comes,” Bail said. He shook Obi-Wan’s hand and then yours before you and Obi-Wan headed over to Leia.

“So, what’ll you do now?” Leia asked Obi-Wan.

“I don’t know,” he responded. “What do you think I should do?”

“I think you should sleep.” The three of you laughed.

“I think you’re right.” Obi-Wan took a long look at Leia and got down on his knees in front of her. “Leia. When I said before that I didn’t know your parents… Princess Leia Organa, you are wise, discerning, kindhearted.” 

“These are qualities that came from your mother. But you are also passionate and fearless, forthright. And these are gifts from your father.” You shed more tears with every word Obi-Wan spoke. “Both were exceptional people who bore an exceptional daughter… I wish I could tell you more.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to. Thank you. Will I ever see you both again?”

“Maybe. Someday. If you ever need help from a tired old man.” She chuckled. “And his beautiful companion. But we must be careful. No one must know, or it could endanger us both.” 

Leia reached forward and hugged Obi-Wan. “Goodbye… Obi-Wan.”

When they parted, Obi-Wan smiled at him, light returning to his eyes. “Goodbye, Princess. May the Force be with you.” 

Obi-Wan stood up, slowly letting go of Leia’s hand as he led you away and back to the ship.

“Wait!” Leia called out. She rushed to you and hugged you tightly. You bent down so that you could hug her as well. “Goodbye… auntie.” You gasped, holding her tighter. “I promise I won’t say anything.”

You pulled back with tears overwhelming your eyes. “I know.” You placed a hand on her cheek. “The Force is strong with you, Leia. Be careful.”

Leia nodded, her hand coming up to grasp the ring hanging on the chain around your neck. “Will you two ever wear these on your fingers?”

“Maybe… someday.”

“How about today?” Bail asked, stepping closer. “It’s the least we could do.”

You looked back at Obi-Wan, who was staring at you lovingly. “I don’t think I can wait another day,” he admitted.

~~~

Alderaan’s sunset was beautiful but not as beautiful as the shining blue eyes staring back at you. Bail was in front of you as you and Obi-Wan gripped each other’s hands. Breha stood at your side, while Leia stood at Obi-Wan’s. None of you had changed before heading to the balcony, but none of you cared.

“Obi-Wan, if you wish to say some words to Y/N,” Bail said.

“Yes,” Obi-Wan responded with a nervous swallow, “of course.” He took a deep breath. “Y/N, the moment I met you, I knew my life would change forever. I just didn’t realize how much. You constantly drew me into you, even when we were parted. I will tell you now, what I told you then—you are my star, in a galaxy full of them. You are what I revolve around, my focus. Even before I loved you and now until the day I die. I have tried to live a life without you, and now I know that it is hardly a life without you in it. You are my everything and I promise to prove that to you for the remainder of our days. I love you, my little star. Always.” Obi-Wan’s vows had you in tears.

“Y/N,” Bail signaled it was your turn.

“The day Qui-Gon showed up at our house, I had sensed a change in the Force,” you began. “I didn’t know what it was then, but now I realize that it was you. It was your signature and mine interacting for what would be the first time. Ever since then, I have yearned for the constant need of your presence. Even when we were being stupid and shutting each other out… or severing the bond to protect each other. I always needed you. I promise you, Obi-Wan, that I will love you until my dying breath. No matter what comes our way. You are stuck with me, and I will you.” That earned a chuckle from Obi-Wan as he fought back the tears. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Obi-Wan repeated.

“The rings now,” Bail said. 

You turned and took Obi-Wan’s ring from Breha, as Obi-Wan took your ring from Leia. Obi-Wan shakily slid your ring onto your finger before you did the same to him.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” Bail declared. “Now hurry and kiss her already!”

You and Obi-Wan laughed as Obi-Wan pulled you in for a desperately passionate kiss. The small family around you cheered. Obi-Wan playful dipped you as he deepened the kiss. When the two of you finally broke the kiss, you kept your heads close together.

“Finally,” Obi-Wan breathed out, grinning.

“Yes, Obi,” you agreed. “Finally.”

next chapter >

TAGLIST IS CLOSED - Taglist Information

[galacticwildfire]

Illicit Affairs | Obi-Wan Kenobi

Eleven

Obi-Wan Kenobi x Amidala!oc

Rhea Amidala meets Obi-Wan Kenobi when he and his master come to her younger sisters aid and he discovers the queen's sister was once a Jedi, expelled from the order for her unwillingness to forgo love and attachment. The two stranded together on Tatooine find common ground despite their differences, and above all a hope within the other for something greater than themselves.

He hopes for her to rejoin the order, while she hopes for him to leave, and both are left reeling from their illicit affair, until ten years later he is once again called to her sister's service and they are catapulted into each other's lives by a war that will set them on the same path of secrecy and tragedy.

Word count: 7.4k

Tags/warnings: fluffy, alcohol, mentions of sex, obi-wan being scandalised, anakin being anakin

~

~

~

We sit in Padme's apartment, all three of us no doubt developing bruises from throwing ourselves out of windows and speeders. But Obi-Wan doesn't need to know I did just the same hours before he arrived here, even if I'm starting to feel the bruises from that fight.

"You all look awful," Padme says, making us tea well past midnight, Dorme her only companion besides the security. "So you believe it was a bounty hunter?"

"She said it was a bounty hunter," I say, gladly accepting her tea. "Who then killed her before she could give him up."

"Thank you very much," Obi-Wan says accepting Padme's tea, as well mannered as ever. Both of us too afraid to ask for caf instead since Padme would rouse on us considering the time and I know better than to ask her for alcohol.

"We will find him Padme," Anakin's promises her while Obi-Wan and I share a look, too exhausted to listen to Anakin fawning over her.

"I have every faith you will," Padme says, sitting down beside him as I move into the kitchen to find something extra to add to it while she's distracted and Obi-Wan follows.

"More sugar?" Obi-Wan asks, wanting any excuse to not have to watch Anakin's shameless flirting, and instead I reach for the top cupboard she thinks I don't know about it. "Ah."

"If you don't tell Padme I'll give you some," I say and he gives me a stiff nod, not arguing as I pour more than a standard drink into each of our teas, knowing we both need it. 

"So, what's next," I ask him, just wanting to sleep but not wanting to part from him yet.

"Tomorrow Anakin and I will see the council so we can move forward with the investigation," he tells me and I give him a soft smile at his decision.

"Thank you Obi-Wan."

"Well considering Anakin got you electrocuted it's the least I can do."

I laugh and feel Padme look over to me before keeping Anakin occupied.

"Would you like to join us?" he asks and I'm surprised.

"You want to bring me back in front of the council?"

"Well you have a way of getting things across," he says with a small smile. "Let them regret not taking you back."

I can't help the mischief in mine. "Pissing off the council, now you've got me on board."

"Well that's not how I'd phrase it, but yes," he smiles, reaching over to squeeze my shoulder and hesitates before asking. "Tell me, have you still been continuing your training on your own?"

On my own? No.

"Yes," I tell him, lying to him a foreign feeling, but now isn't the time for all that. Not when we have a lead to follow. "I've spent the last ten years trying to train myself for better or for worse."

He searches my eyes but makes the decision to believe me.

"Then let them see that," he says and lets me rest my head on his shoulder as he rubs my back. "You should sleep."

"So should you," I reply, knowing we're just as stubborn as each other. "But you don't want to leave Anakin flirting with my sister."

"Yes, well, he could at least be more subtle about it."

"We were hardly subtle," I chuckle, smiling at the memories. "Is this what Qui-Gon thought whenever he'd catch us alone in empty rooms?"

"Well," he says as I look up at him and his eyes are on mine. "When you put it like that."

Fondly I remember as I hear the two of them talking "We were that young once."

I was Anakin's age, and he was Padme's.

"It is strange looking back at it now isn't it?"

"It's not that strange," I say, understanding what I felt better now than I ever did before. "It's the most natural thing, finding comfort in another person."

He wraps his arm around my shoulders, almost like an old friend would. Almost. "You aren't wrong."

I reach back for his hand and squeeze it tight. "We should sleep, Anakin will watch Padme."

He nods and we head back out to them.

"I doubt they'll try anything else tonight so we're going to rest," I tell them. "We'll be seeing the Jedi Council in the morning."

Padme nods and looks between us before saying. "Sleep well."

She's soon back into conversation with Anakin as I take Obi-Wan to the guest bedroom, finding it of course occupied by Dorme and so against any sense I have I take him into mine. His own senses must be gone for he actually comes in.

He hangs his cloak up over a chair while I sit on the edge of my queen sized bed. For a moment neither of us say anything but just look at one another, feeling everything between us.

"I'm glad you're here Obi-Wan," I finally say, knowing words can never express how much.

"So am I my dear," he says and I can't help myself as I come to my feet and find myself in his arms. An embrace of two people with ten years of longing for one another, what I wanted to do the moment I saw him. I feel him breathe me in as he holds me tight and breathes my name "Rhea."

Gently I feel him untying my braid and letting his fingers run through it until my hair is loose and feel his breath hitch in his throat as I nuzzle my head in the crook of his neck, neither of us wanting to move. When I finally look up at him it's clear that ten years has changed nothing except make the ache of longing deeper.

We don't need to say anything as he lays in my bed, my head on his chest, both of us too exhausted to think rationally, to think of consequences. In our positions all we do is think of the consequences of our actions, all we do is try to be rational. But when we're with one another it doesn't matter. Because it's just us and no one else.

"Obi?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you been happy?" I ask him, such a silly question but one that's been on my mind these many years and the question is one that leaves him silent in contemplation for a moment.

"I've been happy enough," he tells me, having to bite back a gasp as his fingertips run along my spine. "But that doesn't mean I haven't had doubts." The pain in his voice makes my heart ache. "Have you been happy?"

"I feel as if all I've had these many years are doubts," I confide in him, years of utter self destruction all in the name of not feeling that aching numbness inside of me, Dooku quickly nipped that in the bud. "When Padme told me you were coming..." I can't find the words and instead tell him "I've missed you."

Three simple words that could not even begin to touch the agony I've been in.

But he knows.

"I've missed you too," he says quietly and holds me, both of us barely conscious at this point. "Sweet dreams my dear."

"Sweet dreams Obi," I smile softly and feel his lips on my forehead as I drift off into my dreams, for the first time not having to imagine him holding me. 

~

The room's filled with light as I wake, I could be forgiven for thinking the events of the previous day were the dream of a homesick girl, but here he is.

I look up at him, finding him awake and watching me with nothing but adoration in his eyes, something I return. My hand trails up his chest to cup his bearded face and his eyes fall closed at my touch, his chin tilting so his lips can brush the edge of my hand and my own eyes close at the roughness of his beard next to the softness of his mouth.

"Obi," I murmur sleepily and feel his tired smile.

 Although our peace is just as quickly disrupted by Anakin.

"Obi-Wan?" Anakin calls out from the hallway like a lost puppy and I just laugh while Obi-Wan sighs.

"A common occurrence?"

"I'm convinced I've atoned for all my wrongs as a padawan through training Anakin," he groans, with a strong love for his padawan but also a deep frustration. "Patience is the first thing I came to learn."

"Old Ben Kenobi," I chuckle as his fingers lace with mine. "Qui-Gon did foresee it."

"That he did," he says, still groggy from sleep yet the most beautiful I've ever seen him with the light in his eyes. He was always handsome, a handsome boy with a baby face and bright eyes, but now here he is bearded and wise with eyes that are still just as bright. The sight of him is enough to make me forget all the reasons this very moment we share should not be happening.

"You're more beautiful than ever," he murmurs reaching out to play with my hair as if our thoughts are the same. 

"And you're more handsome than ever," I say reaching out to stroke his beard before running my fingers through his long hair. "You truly are a sight, I don't know how the council allows you to walk around looking like you do."

That makes him chuckle "Well after this I dare say they may put a stop to that."

"Obi-Wan?" we hear Anakin still calling and sigh as Obi-Wan reluctantly sits up.

"I best coach Anakin on what to say, or rather not say, before we see the council."

I nod, not quite ready to let him go and we sit there together in bed for a moment with my head on his shoulder, as if it is how we could wake up every day despite it being the first in ten years.

He looks at me as if trying to regain his senses, telling himself he's already gone too far, before shaking his head and leaning forward to press his lips to my forehead, fingers running through the curls of my hair as I let myself be consumed by that simple innocent touch for as long as he'll let me.

"I'll see you outside," he says, forcing himself to pull away and he doesn't look back as he takes his cloak with him, knowing if he does he may not leave.

With the ghost of his lips on my forehead I force myself to leave the sheets that smell like him to get ready. I go to shower but the feeling of him on me is too comforting to remove just yet, and so I hesitate before stepping inside remembering it's the council we'll be seeing. I can't afford to leave any trace of him on me.

But even as I shower I can't help the memories that come of that night together and the dawn after, and yet even then they pale to feeling of waking up with him now and I press my eyes shut as I confront the fact it isn't feelings I had for a boy a decade a go that I feel, but an overwhelming adoration for the man he's become.

And that- that is more dangerous than any memory could be.

 I dress myself nicely in crimson, regal enough to be seen with the dignity and respect befitting my position as a former Princess of Theed but still suitable enough for a fight if one finds me. After all much of the training I undertook with Padme and her handmaidens was learning to fight no matter how inappropriately dressed we are for it, and so I leave my long hair loose, unable to bear it any other way.

When I leave my room Padme is already looking at me with a raised eyebrow, knowing the room Obi-Wan came out of is mine. I give a guilty smile and she just shakes her head at me, knowing she was right about how I feel, hell she was so right I can even admit it. 

Obi-Wan stands there with two cups of caf in hand, one for him and one for me. The simple gesture warming me more than the drink ever could.

"Ready?" Obi-Wan asks me and I nod, ready to once again face the Council.

Even if the last time I faced them was when I lost him, and so I know this time we won't make the mistake of letting them see our hearts so plainly.

~

Neither of us speak of the night nor the morning as we go to the temple, partially because Anakin is with us, but moreso because neither of us are willing to admit it is a mistake in every definition of the word, not one we're prepared to face, not one we're prepared to end. 

As we come to the steps of the temple I can't fight the ache in my chest at the memories of the last time I stood here. The decision that brought me here and the decision I made as a result of deciding to leave him in peace. So many decisions, some right and some wrong, but they've all brought me back to him.

And that fact alone almost makes me believe in fate once again.

"Rhea?" Obi-Wan asks quietly, hand on my arm as Anakin goes on ahead of us.

"I'm ready," I say nodding along confidently but ask "Just don't leave my side." 

"I won't," he swears to me, and together we climb the steps of the temple and walk through its grand hall filled with masters and children, and somehow through Dooku's manipulations I'd forgotten the joy that can be felt here, the peace. The memories that weren't all bad.

Perhaps I'll tell Obi-Wan of the last time I stood here, perhaps I'll tell him of what brought me here and why I left without seeing him. I will in time, once Padme is safe.

Obi-Wan is watching me, the small smile on my face as younglings run past and he guides me to the lift up to the council chambers and I feel a strange peace despite the uncertainty.

As we stand in the lift he asks me "Do you know how to conceal your emotions in the force?"

He doesn't need to tell me why, and I don't need to ask, I just nod, I learned from the master of it after all. "Yes."

Last time neither of us knew how and they saw straight through us and this- whatever this is - we aren't making the same mistake twice.

"Now," he begins gently. "Speak with authority, you aren't a renegade padawan anymore, you're a general. Command the respect you deserve."

His choice of words surprise me until I see the deep respect in his eyes and nod, assuring him. "Don't worry dear, I'm quite good at that."

He leans in and teases "Respect, not fear."

I laugh and ask "How do you know it's fear?"

"Do you think I haven't kept an eye on you?" he asks me and there's mischief in his eyes as he tells me "I may be aware of broken hands and terrified politicians."

"Well, they're politicians," I say, still recovering from that revelation whilst trying to reason my methods but he only looks proud. "Someone has to remind them they serve the people and not themselves."

He hums, eyes bright as he says "And there you are, my fiercesome troublemaker."

"Don't say that," I tease with a smile. "We haven't even started making trouble yet."

He raises an eyebrow "Haven't we?"

And somehow despite entering this elevator with every intention to hide whatever this is Anakin is there as it opens and finds us like that, leaning in with playful smiles and I'm thankful the lift opens to a hallway before the actual council chamber.

Anakin's amused at catching his master like this "Do you need a moment Master?"

"No," Obi-Wan says quickly straightening himself up, having a reputation to maintain as the cranky old master. "Do you Anakin?"

"No, no," Anakin quickly says and steps aside "Ladies first."

"Someone's taught you manners it seems," I say, looking back at Obi-Wan and flashing him a smile before making myself serious and stepping forward towards the council chambers, concealing both my feelings and heightened force signature as Dooku taught me to.

Considering he was good enough at it to conceal being a sith lord's apprentice I trust I can do it well enough to hide seven years of training and my feelings for Obi-Wan.

I shouldn't be surprised that when I step inside the council chambers the council all take a deep breath, especially when they see me by Obi-Wan's side.

"Hello," I say, knowing I need no introduction. "I am here on behalf of Naboo's security force to petition you to allow Master Kenobi to begin an investigation into the assassination attempts on Senator Amidala's life."

There is no argument from the council, but they all eye me warily as Obi-Wan gives a brief explanation of last nights events.

"Track down this bounty hunter you must Obi-Wan," Yoda instructs and I stand there pleasantly surprised.

Master Windu agrees and says "Most importantly find out who he is working for." 

"Rhea has told me she has suspicions that these attacks are coming from the Separatists," Obi-Wan informs them and it seems I've concealed my feelings so well he misses the flash of panic I give him to shut up. "And being permitted by Count Dooku." 

The council all sit more upright at that and suddenly all attention is on me as Windu repeats "Count Dooku?"

Fuck.

"Just a suspicion," I shrug, having been in the public eye long enough to pull off a convincing lie and choose my words carefully. "My sister's idea really, she is convinced that these attacks against her may be happening in order to influence the Military Creation bill, in truth it could be coming from either side of the political mess that we are all caught in."

Obi-Wan knows I'm lying, or at least certainly hiding something but doesn't let anything cross his face that could reveal so and draws the attention from me "I would ask that General Amidala is permitted to assist me in this investigation on behalf of Naboo's security forces."

They are hesitant, no doubt remembering ten years ago when we stood before them Obi-Wan asked them to reinstate me to the order. They would have known well what the true reason was, as clearly as we see through Anakin now. 

That alone raises suspicion amongst them but they are not ready to fight either of us on this. In their eyes it's been ten years, I am a general and he is a Jedi, neither of us are doing anything that could infer we are even friendly, anything more than a working partnership.

"Very well," Yoda permits. "Assist you in this investigation, General Amidala may."

"What about Padme?" I ask calmly, not wanting to leave her alone. "She still needs protection."

"Handle that, young Skywalker will."

Obi-Wan glances to me, both of us immediately hesitant but we don't say anything, not in front of the council. Not when Padme would throw a fit if we forced upon her any more additional protection.

"Anakin, escort the Senator back to her home planet of Naboo, she'll be safer there," Mace instructs. "And don't use registered transport. Travel as refugees."

Even Anakin knows she won't like that idea. "As the leader of the opposition it will be very difficult to get Senator Amidala to leave the Capitol."

"It's alright," I assure him, wanting to leave this chamber as soon as I can to avoid further questioning. "My sister will be reluctant to leave but I will ensure she does."

"Until caught this killer is, our judgement she must respect," Yoda says and I do not argue but instead agree.

"Yes Master."

Yoda looks upon me with a curious eye. "Changed you have, recklessness of youth eased, yet strong with force you remain."

It seems that I cannot hide from Master Yoda, but the others exchange looks of confusion as they don't sense anything beyond what would be expected.

"For the previous ten years I have trained myself in the ways of the force," I tell them openly, much to their surprise. "What is it you call those who walk a different path, a gray Jedi?"

"Gray Jedi?" Mace repeats. "That is a term I have not heard used in a long time."

Obi-Wan looks at me in surprise, but this is not anything he hasn't expected and something tells me he suspects more than he is willing to reveal.

"I suppose that is what I could be called, as Master Qui-Gon once was, " I tell them, feigning innocence, ignorance even. Knowing that if I reveal too much they will easily piece together who has trained me, in truth I'm surprised Obi-Wan hasn't pieced it together. Although I sense his trust in me is clouding his judgement, and repeat to them the same lies Dooku once repeated to me. "I just feel the force as it is, I have no great desire for mastery or power, just to feel it's presence." I keep my voice light, as if it isn't even all that important to me. "It is a peaceful life." 

Perhaps those final words are my mistake, because I sense the hesitation from Obi-Wan but nonetheless he supports me in saying "Many indeed saw my Master Qui-Gon as a Gray Jedi."

"That we did," Yoda admits but is still suspicious of me. "And from whom have you been taught."

Even if I told them the truth, that I didn't know he was a sith they would never believe me, at worst they'd kill me believing I had too turned sith, at best they'd still judge me and condemn me for apprenticing under one of the lost and so I lie.

"Myself," I answer as if I'm confused by the question. "I mean, I've looked back at the training I had a padawan and tried to follow that but mostly it's just been finding a type of discipline to focus myself in my duties as a general, meditating on my position in the grand scheme of the force and finding peace in it." 

Those words would have been true years ago, they would have been truthful if I spoke them to Obi-Wan the last time I stood in this temple and told him those things as reasons for wanting to accept Dooku's training. Hell, they would have been true those first few years of training too, but not now. Not anymore. Not after all that has happened.

"I am impressed," Master Windu says and the council are relatively neutral, there is no distrust from any of them aside from Yoda. "You have shown great discipline since leaving the order. Now, I encourage you to implement these teachings during this investigation."

"Thank you Master," Obi-Wan and I both say before leaving the chamber and the relief that flows through me is enough his fingertips skim over my elbow to steady me once we are well out of sight, but still he is quiet.

"What's a gray Jedi?" Anakin asks us as we step inside the lift. "Is that a Jedi who uses the darkside?"

"Certainly not," Obi-Wan says quickly. "There is no such thing, for a Jedi cannot use the darkside without being corrupted by it. It merely refers to Jedi who have strayed from the order and the code. My master Qui-Gon was considered one as he had different views to the council and disobeyed them, but I can assure you Anakin he would never have entertained the darkside. Like Rhea he had opposing views and did not necessarily follow the council's interpretation of the code." 

"So like me?" he says and I can feel Obi-Wan's anxiousness at those words whilst I can't help but be proud. Even when he was a boy I knew he'd be a little maverick too.

"Well... yes and no. See matters of ideology are quite complicated," he looks to me and I take over.

"I caused quite a bit of trouble as a youngling that got me expelled from the order. I missed my family and did not see why I could not still love them while serving as a Jedi," I tell Anakin, and can feel him echoing the same pain. "I was your age the last time I saw the council and learned the hard way that things are more complicated than I would like them to be."

"I remember Obi-Wan telling me when I was still a child that you'd be coming home with us to the Jedi Temple," he says and I see Obi-Wan's eyes fall to the floor. "That he wanted you to come with us but the council wouldn't let you."

"Like I said Anakin," I say quietly, having heard this the last time I came here. "Things are more complicated than they should be."

"Anakin, you go on ahead to Padme's apartment," Obi-Wan tells him. "I have some more business to attend to before we leave."

Anakin definitely doesn't protest when it comes to Padme and walks ahead of us and I look at Obi-Wan, half expecting an interrogation but whatever suspicions he has he puts them aside for now.

"What is it?" I ask him cautiously, still paranoid, still very aware of the secrets I hide for fear he won't be able to trust me when he knows the truth. I'll tell him when the time is right, when I know he'll believe me when I say I didn't know the truth until it was too late.

"I don't trust him with this assignment," he admits to me and it's a relief it's Anakin he's concerned about, not me. Not yet at least. But I'm sure the questions will come and I need to prepare myself for when they do. "He has exceptional abilities but they've made him arrogant and headstrong and-"

"Weren't we all at that age?" I remind him. "Even at twenty five you and Anakin shared more similarities than you'd care to admit."

He can't deny that, and that very fact worries him even more considering just what he was doing in his late padawan years. "I should speak with Master Yoda and get him to reconsider giving Anakin this assignment."

"And tell them what?' I ask him gently. "That Anakin has been in love with my sister since he was nine years old?" We both know he can't do that, not without compromising their trust in Anakin and this investigation. "He's nineteen, of course he is arrogant and won't listen, and no doubt he's at that age where he just wants to- you know." 

He gives a stiff nod, unfortunately knowing just what it is Anakin no doubt dreams about doing with my sister and raises a hand to stop any further elaboration. "I don't need an image."

"Trust me neither do I," I assure him. "But he'll listen to Padme and we both know she is more than capable of handling herself, protection is a formality. Perhaps she might even teach him a thing or two about patience and discipline."

"Then that truly would be a miracle," he says and I put a hand on his shoulder.

"Obi-Wan, breathe," I find myself lecturing him. "All will be well."

He makes an impressed sound as he teases "Don't use my own tricks against me."

"Who do you think I learned it from?" I return, and run my hand down his arm before quickly withdrawing it since we are still in the temple. "Now come on, now I have the hard job of convincing my sister to go into hiding."

~

Sure enough it is a hard job.

One I come to regret as she leaves Jar Jar in charge.

"I am taking an extended leave of absence." Obi-Wan and I look at each other, remembering well our adventures with Jar Jar on Naboo. "It will be your responsibility to take my place in the senate. Representative Binks, I know I can count on you."

I've served as Padme's representative many times to the point I'd usually be her first choice in a matter like this, but I'll be leading the investigation with Obi-Wan. Not to mention the fact she's still mad at me for being a Separatist so serving in the Republic senate is now out of the question.

"Meesa honoured to be taken onna dissa heavy burden," Jar Jar says, chuffed while I nod along, waiting for the formalities to finish. "Meesa accept this with mucha humility and-"

"Jar Jar," Padme says shortly and I know she's not happy. "I don't wish to hold you up."

Jar Jar takes his leave and Padme marches over to us.

"I do not like this idea of hiding."

"Which is why Obi-Wan and I are going to get this sorted as soon as we can," I tell her only for her to snap at me.

"I have not worked for a year to defeat the Military Creation Act, an act which your-" she cuts herself off and points her finger at me aware Obi-Wan is here. "I do not have to explain your hypocrisy to you." 

"You do not have to explain," I assure her and Obi-Wan steps out of her line of sight, wisely choosing to hide by the door to not get dragged into an argument between us. "But I will have you know I only support individual armies like ours and not centralised ones like the Republic wants so we are on the same page there." That makes little difference to her and I say what she doesn't want to hear since she's mad anyways "If you want to see the act be defeated you need to be alive long enough for that to happen."

"Sometimes we must let go of our pride," Anakin advises, unlike his master indeed being stupid enough to get dragged into an argument between us. "And do what is requested of us."

Obi-Wan gapes at him. "When have you ever done that?"

"You've grown up," Padme comments in surprise and then turns back to me. "But I do not like this, I do not like the fact Naboo now has a military, I do not like the fact you led our army while supporting the Separatists-"

"You what?" Anakin exclaims as I give her a panicked look and she quickly quietens.

"Anakin, this isn't your business," Padme says and motions for him to leave before turning back to me. "And now they may be complicit in this."

"I supported them until they showed their true colours," I argue with her, cautious of Obi-Wan listening and what else she might reveal. "I don't like the Republic or the Separatists. There I said it." I raise my hands in my defence, slowly moving back to where Obi-Wan is standing. "Which is why I support you as leader of the opposition, because I'd personally love to slap Palpatine across the face for, well you know. But regardless of the bill Naboo will be safe. Know that much."

She hates what I've done in militarising our peaceful planet despite knowing it's necessary, she came around to it and supported most of my measures, but still thinks I've been extreme in a full military and not just expanding the security force.

She sighs. "I do not wish to be a hypocrite."

"And you aren't," I tell her, relieved I'm actually calming her down for once. Glad enough the roles have been switched. "But Naboo and the galaxy isn't what it used to be. There is more conflict than there has been in a millenia. Militarisation is the small price we pay for safety, just as hiding for a short time is the price you pay for your life."

As much as she hates it, she knows I'm right. "Alright."

"If all else fails I can take your place in the senate," I promise her and she's certainly hesitant but it isn't the worst situation we could be in. "And if there is any trouble rest assured I'll be there."

"You always are," she says and I squeeze her hand.

Well, we've gotten her to agree to leaving, now comes the easy bit.

Hopefully.

Obi-Wan gives me an approving nod at my speech and puts a hand on my shoulder as Anakin get's Padme's bags, while the hard part is done the work is only just beginning.

~

After a short trip escorted by Typho we stand at the transport platforms where Anakin and Padme will travel as refugees.

I hug her farewell but Obi-Wan is more worried, lecturing Anakin one last time.

"Don't do anything without first consulting either myself or the council."

"Yes Master."

We watch them leave, both of us uncertain of what comes next.

"I do hope he doesn't try anything foolish," Obi-Wan says, anxious Anakin's going to try to seduce my sister.

"I'd be more concerned about her doing something than him," Typho remarks, leaving me uneasy.

"Oh don't tell me that," I say as we watch them depart. "How much trouble can she cause on Naboo?"

"Hopefully only half as much as you," Obi-Wan remarks and guides me back from the platform. "Come on, I know where to start."

~

Obi-Wan and I walk to a diner, standing a reasonable distance apart considering it's Coruscant and it would be an awful start to this investigation if another Jedi on patrol were to catch us in a compromising position.

"So you said his name is Dex and he might know more about the dart?"

"He's an old friend," Obi-Wan tells me. "He's helped with this type of thing before."

"Uh huh," I say unimpressed by the diner, eager to take it to my own contacts and get off Coruscant. "It seems like a leap of faith when I have some proper forensics analysts on Naboo-"

"Trust me," Obi-Wan says as we walk inside and sure enough his old friend remembers him well.

"Obi-Wan!" the chef calls out with such excitement it leaves me a little stunned but Obi-Wan does have that effect on people.

"Hello Dex," Obi-Wan smiles, as charming as ever with his hands tucked together underneath his cloak, a sight so sweet it's almost amusing considering the tone he was using with Anakin ten minutes ago.

"Take a seat I'll be right with ya."

We head to a booth and he motions for me to slide in beside him as the waitress calls out "Want a cup of jawa juice?"

"Oh yes thank you," he says and must see the look on my face. "It's not as bad as it sounds."

"Please tell me they don't juice jawa's."

"Just bantha hides," he replies and he watches amused as I gag a little. "Since when do you shy away from adventure?"

"Oh I love adventure," I assure him. "I just prefer my juice not to have bantha's in it." 

"If I recall you've never been overly fussy about what you put in your-" he begins before realising whatever he is referring to can only be mistaken for one thing and watch him curse himself as my mouth falls open.

"In my what now?" I question, not letting him go that easily and he shakes his head at himself as I taunt him. "Put what in my mouth?"

I shouldn't enjoy watching him fluster this much "I'm talking about those awful rations the Gungans gave us before the battle not-" 

He can't finish and now both of us are red and far too close in this little booth. He looks around for his juice so he can put something in his mouth now to shut himself up while I'm thinking back to that night, a night spent making love like it would be our last. Oh little did we know. 

I remember how utterly scandalised he was that I'd want to do such a thing, although the scandal was very short lived with him forgetting anything else but my name the moment I put my mouth on him. And that was still only early in the night, two young people in love who wanted to experience all they could before the world tore them apart. By morning there were very little ways we had not had one another and yet right now I can think of many more ways I want him.

He must see a hunger in my eye as he looks away and suddenly this damn booth is too small for the both of us as I find myself hot at the memories that follow and can't let help myself as I say "Well, I'd enjoy what we're both remembering right now more than jawa juice."

He chokes at my words while I smirk to myself knowing he is indeed thinking the same things as I am and he physically can't meet my eye as he tries to compose himself "Good god Rhea."

"You're the one with the dirty mind," I dare to venture, feeling quite satisfied by how utterly red and flustered he is, anything to distract from my own sudden need. "You're blushing."

"I'm not-" he argues but stops when he meets my eyes and murmurs at the mischievous glint in mine "You're going to be the death of me."

"I know," I say and thankfully we're only alone momentarily as Dex comes to sit down across from us.

"Hey old buddy!" Obi-Wan can't get up from the booth quick enough and I watch them hug in amusement at Obi-Wan having made so many friends with the attitude he used to have as a padawan and his friend looks to me. "And who is your lovely lady here?"

"Rhea," Obi-Wan answers sitting back down beside me and Dex sits across from us, taking up the other side of the booth while Obi-Wan tries to put a little more space between us this time, still flushed.

"Ooh a forbidden lover?" Dex teases, the Jedi code being widely known here on Coruscant.

"Something like that," Obi-Wan says much to my surprise and pulls out the dart. "Now, can you tell us what this is?"

"Well, what do ya know," Dex says, examining it. "I ain't seen one of these since I was last prospecting on Subterrel beyond the outer rim."

"Can you tell me where it came from?" he asks, the waitress bringing over his drink. "Thank you."

"This baby belongs to them cloners," he says as Obi-Wan takes a sip, and passes it to me to try, both of us confused by what he means. "What you've got here is a Kamino saberdart."

"I wonder why it didn't show up in the analysis archives," Obi-Wan inquires as I sniff the drink.

"It's these funny little cuts on the side that give it away," he says, showing us. "Those analysis droids only focus on symbols."

"Huh," I say, this guy actually does know his stuff and Obi-Wan can't resist the I told you so look he gives me.

"I should think you Jedi would have more respect for the difference between knowledge and wisdom."

I nod along as I take a drink, it not being as bad as I thought it would be although I still would much prefer the other and pass it back to Obi-Wan who teases. "Don't get my lady here talking about philosophy or else we'll be here all day."

I roll my eyes to hide the colour that comes to my cheeks and take the dart in hand. "Well my dear, it seems we'll have plenty of time to talk philosophy since I've never even heard of Kamino."

"I'm not familiar with it either," Obi-Wan says and asks "Is it in the Republic."

"No, no, it's beyond the outer rim," he answers. "I'd say about twelve parsecs outside the Rishi maze. Should be easy to find, even for those droids in your archives." He leans in, lowering his voice. "These Kaminoans keep to themselves, they're cloners, damn good ones too."

"Cloning, as in livestock?" I ask, that being the first thing that comes to mind.

"As in everything and anything."

"Are they friendly?" Obi-Wan asks as I consider asking the waitress for a cup of caf to take with us since this investigation is taking a very strange direction.

"Depends."

"Depends on what Dex?"

"On how good your manners are."

We both laugh and I comment "Well they should be quite friendly then, I can't speak for myself but we have the most well mannered gentleman in the galaxy here."

"Not just that, but also how big your pocketbook is," Dex adds and Obi-Wan looks to me for that.

"I used to be a princess, that won't be a problem," I add, an elected one but still, and he whistles.

"Got yourself a fancy one Obi-Wan?" he says, slapping a hand down on his shoulder and winking "Very nice."

He leaves us and Obi-Wan takes a sip of his drink to hide the flustered smile he wears as I take the dart from him, rolling it between my fingers. "So, Kamino. I've sat in that senate listening to every damn star system there is, and it still doesn't ring a bell."

"It wouldn't if they're outside the Republic," he says, eyes contemplative as the droid waitress comes back over to us.

"Can I get you anything else?"

"Yes," I begin and Obi-Wan finishes for me.

"Two large cups of extra strong caf to go please, with sugar."

She leaves to get our order ready and I can't help the smile that plays at my lips as I ask "So, where to next?"

"The temple to see Master Jocasta, if anybody knows where Kamino is and about these cloners it's her."

"Mmm well, your friend was quite excited to see you," I say, looking at his face in the light now we finally have a moment to ourselves and see he hasn't changed as much as I thought, still the same bright eyed boy who captivated me so long ago beneath the facial hair that compliments him so handsomely. "Quite happy to think I'm your girlfriend too."

Now he's blushing again, the two of us may as well be padawans with how we're carrying on but he remains as classy as ever. "Well my dear, it's not every day I bring a beautiful woman into the city."

I know I'm sitting here looking like a mess with my hair long and wild, bruises starting to show their colours on me and my eyes tired and dark, but he still thinks I'm beautiful.

"I'm the exception then?"

"You always are," he says and can't help himself now as he murmurs "Somehow I'm only ever in this state when you're near."

"Well," I begin, suddenly breathless. "It's surprising that in all the time I've spent on Coruscant these past years we've never crossed paths."

Every time I came here to serve with Padme in the senate I swear I looked at every face in every street looking for him, but never until now have I found him. Except for that one day I still cannot bring myself to tell him of, because then I'd have to tell him what finally drove me there.

"I'll admit, I've spent more time in the temple with Anakin than outside of it," he tells me. "These last ten years have been much of the same."

"Mine have been all over the place," I tell him in full honesty. "One mess after the other until finally I wound up in a big enough one that you came to me."

And again he makes himself my shining Jedi Knight. "Well, I couldn't hear that you're in trouble and not come to you."

I tilt my head and ask "When you took this mission, did you know it would be me you'd be coming to, not just Padme."

"Well, I figured if your sister was in danger I'd find you right there beside her," he tells me and admits "I spent the entire elevator ride as anxious as Anakin."

I just laugh, it being nothing compared to me. "I'd found out you were coming about a minute before you'd arrived, I think she did that deliberately so I couldn't run away."

"Would you have?" he asks and I smile to myself at what I did instead.

"I certainly hid, but the moment I felt you in that elevator and well... all I felt was you." I'm at a loss for words to explain it, but I know he understands. "Qui-Gon, when he told us there was a bond-"

"Neither of us knew how much until now," he finishes, an understanding between us so deep words aren't needed and he reaches for my hand that rests on the table, holding it tight that simple touch making me draw a sharp breath. "We did say it wouldn't be the end."

If one thing is clear to me, it's that I'm as hopelessly in love with the man sitting across from me now as I was with the man who I held in the aftermath of the battle, the two of us broken and beaten holding onto one another as if our lives depended on it.

I look at our hands now, almost with a sadness remembering how we clung to one another in those dark days, only to be interrupted by the waitress with our drinks. He thanks her and pays whilst I sit there in contemplation, letting myself feel things that should terrify me, but how can I be afraid when it's with him by my side?

I should be afraid, absolutely terrified, I should have been ten years ago and I should be now and yet... all I feel is him.

[agirlunderarock]

Jedi General

Summary: After the events of Geonosis, Obi-Wan is facing a lot of different changes in his life and is doing his best to not feel overwhelmed.

Pairings: None

Warnings: canon typical references

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A/N: I jus really wanted to write a scene about the first time Obi-Wan had to put on the armor and was told he was going to be a general. I had wanted to get this out before Tales of the Jedi came out but you know that never works out lol. Anyways hop you enjoy!

For once in the thirty-five years Obi-Wan had lived in the jedi temple, the Coruscant traffic wasn’t the loudest thing in the temple. Within the last few days the temple had been buzzing with the news from Geonosis. Fallen jedi were brought in and prepared to be laid to rest each day. He wondered how much of his fallen family  had to stay behind in  the red dust  of the desert  planet. He hoped  he wouldn’t be attending more funerals for fallen jedi soon. The silence that engulfed each ceremony felt too heavy and brought with it memories of the first one  he had attended ten years ago. 

Obi-Wan looked down at the duraplast armor set neatly at the foot of his bed. He himself had set it there only a few moments ago, but it felt as if he had been staring at it for ages. If he were honest, it had felt rather flimsy, not nearly thick enough to really stop a blaster bolt from burning a hole in his chest, much less a lightsaber. After all thats what the armor was for, right? Wearing the flimsy armor made about as much sense to him as being at the center of the Republic’s civil war. 

It had only been a few days since the fighting broke out on Geonosis, a good portion of it he had actually missed after his spectacular failure to capture Count Dooku, and yet Obi-Wan felt the weight and the loss fall heavy on his shoulders. He sat on the edge of his bed and rubbed his hands over his face, still trying to process what had exactly led him to this moment. Of course he could recall the sequence of events that led to him fighting for his life in an arena for the amusement of hundreds, possibly thousands, of Geonocians, but his mind struggled to make the jump from Jedi Knight to now Jedi General.

General.

Just the thought of the words made his stomach churn. He could tell himself that it was just because had probably spent just a little too long in a bacta tank after his duel with Dooku, that the motion of the liquid had given him some kind of vertigo, but he knew better.

He stood up abruptly, and paced over to his window, as if just being near it would somehow let him breathe better. His stomach churned, his throat closed up, and the weight of an army sat on his shoulders. His lightsaber felt heavy on his hip, and it slowly dragged him down to sit on the floor. 

This was ridiculous.

It was just a few pieces of duraplast. A flexible material. Anakin had said it was fairly light and easy to move in. Realistically, it wouldn’t be protecting a whole lot of his more…delicate areas, but none of the other jedi he had spoken to seemed overly concerned about it. At least not openly. He should be able to move and fight in it just fine. Maybe that was the problem. Not so much that the armor would stop him, Obi-Wan was sure that if he put on the chest piece it would fit just fine and wouldn’t hinder his movement. Maybe it was more that no one else seemed so concerned about it, at least not in a way that made sense to him. Jedi were peace keepers. They were meant to defend innocent people from the horrors of the galaxy.

Peace keepers? Do you keep all the peace for yourself?

The memory of the woman’s accusation twisted painfully in his chest. She had made that comment before she had gotten to know him or Anakin, and truthfully it had been made just to distract him at the time, but now he felt the weight of that question pounding painfully in the back of his skull. Or maybe it was just the lack of sleep catching up to him. He took a deep breath and sat up a little straighter, crossed his legs and let out his breath slowly. Maybe that question was the place to start.

Peace Keeper.

What did that mean? When Obi-Wan had been a young initiate he had painted this picture of himself as a jedi sweeping into dangerous and daring situations and single handedly saving the day. There were clear lines between good and evil, and he always understood which side was which. A solution was just a smart quip away. If he were honest, he was glad that he realized the world wasn’t that simple. As a padawan training under Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan had experienced many planets and met different people toiling under different kinds of conflicts. He thought of his adventure on Lenarah, and later Pijal. 

Lenarah had been a lesson for him about learning balance and being adaptable. He couldn’t bring his friends peace until he dealt with his own fears. Pijal was a reminder to him and Qui-Gon that things aren't always as they appeared. He supposed that was a lesson worth learning several times, the most recent coming from the woman on Zolan. On both Pijal and Zolan, Republic indifference had been contributing to the problem on both planets. As far as he knew on Zolan, it was still an issue. Being a peace keeper didn’t necessarily mean upholding every ruling the republic had, sometimes it meant stepping in where the Republic had failed.

Jedi

Ten years ago Obi-Wan had thought he fully understood what it meant to be a jedi. That he had been ready for the trials and whatever new challenges he would face as a new jedi knight. Ten years ago, Obi-Wan also thought he would have had more time with Qui-Gon Jinn. That he would have had his guidance when things became overwhelming. To say that he had felt overwhelmed was an understatement. Even now- 

No. He couldn’t give in to that spiral.

Being a Jedi came with its own set of challenges, many of which he did not choose for himself, and others he had quite forgotten if he chose them or if they were thrust on him. Training Anakin fell into that line of thought most days. Even now as he had seen Anakin through to his knighthood, and despite feeling immensely proud of his young friend, it pained him to know that he couldn’t say if training him was a choice he would have made himself if Qui-Gon hadn’t died. 

Obi-Wan took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

It was easy to say now that he knew how it ended, Obi-Wan would go back and make that choice for himself. That he would train Anakin, or at the very least help with his training had Qui-Gon still been alive. Saying that now was the easy part, but if only because he was still trying to wrap his mind around everything he learned while teaching Anakin and was still learning from him. That was something Obi-Wan really never noticed as an initiate or a padawan, that a jedi was always learning and teaching. Yes, being a Jedi Knight meant that he was a protector, and defended innocent life, sometimes in daring rescue attempts, but he was not without compassion or empathy. His lightsaber was rarely the first tool he reached for. His greatest ability as Jedi, and from what he had seen of the other masters, was their compassion, and sense of duty to serve the Galaxy, not just the Republic. Being a Jedi Knight meant that he was constantly trying to live out the lessons that he learned, let go and grow from the things that troubled him.

Accepting change was likely the hardest lesson Obi-Wan had to learn, and one he was still attempting to master. He lived in a constant state of motion. If he chose to continue to meditate on this issue for another hour or two, it would do nothing to change the inevitable fact that he was being tossed into a war, or that he was now to be a Jedi Master on the council, or that Anakin was no longer his padawan. That change would still be there when he opened his eyes. He had to accept that. He had to accept that he would now be a Jedi General.

Sometimes upsetting the ‘balance’ is the only thing that can bring peace. Living quietly under an unjust status doesn’t mean a planet is at peace.

Though the memory was an abrupt intrusion to his mediation, and at the time when the words were spoken to him he was very upset with the woman, Obi-Wan leaned into that thought. It was an interesting idea she had proposed. Breaking peace to bring peace. Upsetting the balance to bring equality was surely a baffling contradiction that made as much sense as Jedi General. At the time he hadn’t been sure it was something he agreed with, but after experiencing and reflecting on many of the conflicts he came into he felt there was some truth to it.

He had to wonder if this was the kind of mentality that many of the Sepratist political leaders had. After spending years trying to have their voice heard by the Republic Senate and the Chancellor, they’ve decided to upset the balance of a system they felt was corrupt. It made sense to an extent. Their separation was merely a symptom of a corrupt system. The droid army would then be a precautionary measure, a means to defend themselves. But there was more to it. Planets who had not chosen to leave the Republic were being invaded and occupied by Sepratist forces. That wasn’t defensive. Not in any way that made sense.

“Why didn’t you join him? I would have thought you agreed with everything Count Dooku said,” Obi-Wan had asked the shapeshifter from Zolan as they were chained to the pillars of the Geonocian arena.

“I probably chose wrong huh?” She had laughed, despite the fear in her eyes. “I actually did agree with what he said,” she admitted, “Too much of it actually. It was like he was getting in my head and saying exactly what he thought I wanted to hear. I don’t know if he’s being truthful or not. But you didn’t trust him, and I trust you. I trust your judgment. ”

Someone he had once thought was an enemy, gave up the chance to take everything she wanted for her planet. He felt the corners of his mouth twitch upward as he leaned more into the memory. It was easy to recall their talk in the infirmary. She had made it clear, it wasn’t just because he didn’t trust Dooku that made her take her chances in the arena, that made her give up what even to him, sounded like an easy way to help her people, but because Obi-Wan had taken a chance to trust her and took the time to understand what was happening on her planet. That he understood exactly how she wanted to help her people, and that if the Republic had people like him and Anakin serving it, then it couldn’t be beyond hope.

Perhaps that was why the Chancellor proposed the Jedi lead the Republic armies. Not for any strategic military purpose where being trained over the course of a lifetime to not let emotional responses guide ones actions would be extremely beneficial. Perhaps it was as simple as this was an opportunity for them to teach the Republic, and learn from their mistakes. When the battles ended what would become of the innocent people caught in the crossfire was important. The best people to decide how they wanted to be governed would be the people of those planets. Though the jedi would be military leaders, they could also be mediators, repair the broken trust between these planets and the republic. It happened before, this civil war might just be the result of things being unresolved for so long. 

Perhaps that was a bit arrogant to think that the jedi could do all of that. That they should be accepting that responsibility, but they weren’t doing it alone right? There was a place for the jedi to work alongside the troops, but also individual planets, they could still be mediators in this war right? He had to believe that. It would be foolish to think that would be how things would stay, the galaxy was in a constant state of motion, but it mattered how he adapted to it. He just had to be mindful when making those decisions as they came.

Obi-Wan slowly opened his eyes and took another deep breath, his eyes focused on the point where his wall and ceiling met above his bed. The weight of these new responsibilities didn’t feel any lighter, but he felt that he could at least face them now. He could tread water for a little longer before feeling overwhelmed again. He lowered his gaze back onto the duraplast armor sitting neatly on his bed. The sunlight streaming in through the window behind him reflected off the white chest piece, as if shining the light on the final solution to the fog still lingering in his mind. 

Another deep breath in and out, and Obi-Wan was back on his feet and holding the armor in his hands. He still did not like the uncertainty that came with the title General, and Jedi General still felt like the biggest contradiction he had ever come across, but this was what the galaxy was calling him to be Jedi, and a General.

Slowly Obi-Wan unclasped each piece of duraplast, checking each piece for flaws or damage before putting it over his robes. He quickly found that not all of it would fit with his normal jedi attire, nor would his boots be as sturdy- For as long as he had been staring at the armor set, he was only just realizing that he had been provided with new boots, and fitted black pants and a matching shirt. He supposed that was supposed to fit under the armor. Before putting anything on, or taking anything off, Obi-Wan laid each piece opened up and laid out for him to look over. There was a lot more than he had realized.

First he put on the undersuit. It hugged his body more firmly than he cared for. He imagined it would be easy to suffer heat exhaustion in such clothing. He would need to make sure the men in his command always had water. Next came his boots. White durables was layered over sturdy but flexible leather and he found that he didn't fully dispise the way they fit him. They didn't seem to breathe as well as his jedi issued ones, but he supposed he would get used to that, as well as the weight. The smaller pieces that made up armor along his arm. He would definitely need to learn to tune out the odd plastic scraping sounds. It was much more the same when he put on the pieces around his legs, and thighs, the chest piece, something he could only assume was to protect his neck and collar bone and sat awkwardly underneath the shoulder pads.

Even as he looked at himself in the small mirror above his sink, Obi-Wan couldn’t be sure he had it all on correctly. It felt awkward to move. Pieces rubbed awkwardly against different parts of his body. He reached for his lightsaber, practicing the movement as if that would help. But he didn't feel like himself. He guessed that was part of the point. He wasn't just a jedi knight anymore, he was a general and everyone expected a general to look a certain way. He supposed that with the complete armor on, all traces of his jedi training hidden under it or only present in his lightsaber, he did look like a military General. Someone who could be on the front lines with their men charging through enemy forces.

Obi-Wan internally cringed at the thought. His younger self would have been delighted with that thought. Only his long hair brushing his shoulders seemed to break that image. He found that satisfying. A small piece of himself still poking out through the armor. Obi-Wan continued to study his image a moment longer. He was sure that if Anakin had walked in at that moment he surely would have poked fun, but this wasn't for the sake of vanity.

It felt wrong. Of course it would probably always feel wrong, but this was something outside his frustration with the contradiction of Jedi General. Or maybe it wasn't. He definitely looked like a general, but not a jedi. He decided to remove some of the bulkier pieces, the chest piece, the parts on his thighs poked into his hips, and he slid part of robes back under his shoulder pieces. The only thing missing was his belt. 

He took a deep breath once he had it on and looked back to the mirror. Of course his chest and other more fragile bits were more exposed to blaster fire now, but he at least seemed recognizable as a jedi. The parts of his robe made him feel like he would stand out more. Maybe that would be detrimental when on the battlefield, but if he was going to die in this war, and he likely was, he wanted the first thing for anyone to notice about him was that he was a jedi. No matter the circumstance, whether in the heat of battle or delivering relief aid, he wanted to be known as a jedi first above any other title he might have.

[mutatiio]

@mayxthexforce (from Obi-Wan for Maul)

When Obi-Wan opens his eyes, it feels like blinking. The transition from his awake self to the dream self is far smoother than he ever remembered it being. But that thought lasts only the few seconds it takes him to realize where, and when, he is. His mind completely overtaken by what were once his primary goals and thoughts at some point in his life that happened many years ago– twenty-six years ago, to be exact.

Bruck is right in front of him, running away. Obi-Wan is chasing him– right, he has to catch him, get him while Master Jinn is keeping Xanatos busy, make him tell him where they took Bant so that he could get her to safety. Bant. He has to save Bant. The reminder makes him push himself to his limit, nostrils flaring and heart hammering inside his chest as he chases after Bruck, refusing to allow there to be any more distance between them than there already is. Seven feet. Just seven feet. He chases Bruck down the stairs that ran parallel to the turbolift shaft that led up into the Jedi Council's tower. Their lightsabers alight and the only thing keeping the area illuminated– just two spots: one red, one blue, moving at inhuman speed. Bruck reaches the end of the stairs and rounds the corner sharply. Obi-Wan turns his lightsaber off, jumps the about ten steps he has left, boots squealing against the floor when he hit it, sliding a foot or two as he twists his body to face the way Bruck went and keeps chasing him the second he regains his footing, reigniting his weapon.

When his lightsaber lights up a small part of his surroundings again. He's not in the halls anymore, but in the Room of a Thousand Fountains.

Right now, due to the power-down, the waterfalls had ceased to run so all there was left were the structures and the pool, which hadn't drained at all. It is this realization that leads to him spotting a different shade of blue in the water, accompanied by a glint of metal. Bant is down there, chained to the bottom of the pool and sure to run out of air. Amphibians couldn't hold their breath underwater forever. They needed air just as much as anyone else.

"We had a connection that I can't explain. It wasn't the result of time, of yours spent together..." Obi-Wan's voice plays from the recorder device attached to Bruck's lightsaber. "It wasn't the result of secrets or confidences. It was something else."

"You loved her." comes Bant's response. A vulnerable conversation Obi-Wan had thought private, recorded and exposed to him now that Cerasi, the subject of said conversation, was dead, by someone he'd never particularly liked, but believed to be trustworthy in the way all Jedi are trustworthy, only for this betrayal to further taint the memory of his late friend.

"At least Bant kept her promise. She's taking your secret to the grave," Bruck taunts. "That's right Obi-Wan, Bant is dying. I won't have to do a thing. I'll just make you watch."

Obi-Wan's expression darkens. He turns his lightsaber off. Bruck swung at where he'd been standing, and hit nothing. He barely managed to turn his upper body in time to block Obi-Wan's attack, which came as silent and deadly as that of a predator. He didn't even ignite his lightsaber until he was less than a foot away from Bruck. Obi-Wan had trained his whole life up until now in defensive methods, he'd vowed to always fight to preserve life, and he'd promised Cerasi that he would dedicate the rest of his life to keeping peace. Yet, none of that matters as he attacks Bruck relentlessly, forcing the slightly younger Padawan back and up the rocky hill that made up the backside of the waterfall.

They reach the peak, lightsabers sizzling against each other and both pushing with all their might, unwilling to give the other any more terrain. But Obi-Wan is stronger. He shoves Bruck back hard enough to make him stumble and almost slip on the slippery moss that makes up the waterfall bed. A guttural sound, like a watery growl, echoes through the gargantuan room, and it is then and only then, as he watches the fear in the other boy's eyes, that Obi-Wan realizes that electricity has come back and that the water systems would come next–

The waterfall erupts back to life. The layer of moss once again acts against Bruck, stealing his balance from him as the pressure of the water sweeps him over the edge- but not towards the pools. He would have most likely survived if Obi-Wan had been backing him up towards the side of the cliff that led down onto the pools.

Obi-Wan rushes forward, too late to grasp Bruck's hand but just in time to watch him go down and hit several rocks, bones breaking and limbs twisting at impossible angles, before the fall stops when he hits the grassy ground. Bruck landed face down and yet, his face is still half facing towards Obi-Wan, his neck twisted at an unnatural angle. Obi-Wan stares, slowly brings himself back to his feet and turns on his heel, pale as the marble pillars that hold the temple upright, and makes his way down to the pool, jumping in and emerging about two minutes after, dragging Bant along with him, gasping for air as he emerges.

He awakens from the dream still gasping for air and still as pale as he'd been that day. Skin clammy and clothes sticking to his body as he sits upright and barely manages not to hit his head against the upper bunk, solely because at the same time he's sitting up, he's moving to stand, stumbling his way out of the shared quarters.

it's as seamless as waking. if he didn't know better, he might have mistaken this moment for reality. but he's been here before - though his first impression had been outside the temple. his second hidden away. both under the watchful eye of his former master. even with his foreboding presence, he does not register the force within the building the same. 

it had once been gnawing, scratching at the back of his skull, his mind static. a reaction to the lightside of the force, he'd decided. now it was more neutral. bordering on what he felt most days recently. 

it's one of those dreams. the shared connection he'd been shackled into by the force. with, of course, kenobi. both being and entity clawed at his memories, forcing him to relive and remember them. 

thankfully, this one seems to have nothing to do with him.

he can tell instantly that he’s surrounded by water. there’s a purity that emanates from it, the air fresh and pleasant. just how realistic were these ‘dreams’?? 

it takes him very little time to find the subject of this memory, his eyes adjusting to the darkness just as young - younger than on naboo - kenobi ignites his weapon. his previously darkened form is washed out by blue, his expression, even from this distance, grave and set. then he’s searching and maul follows his gaze when it lands. through the still water it isn’t difficult to make out the shape of a being. presumably stuck. 

" we had a connection that i can't explain. "

focus shifts back again. he knows, without a doubt, that this is kenobi’s voice. however, he does not recognise the other boy, the one illuminated in red and the source of this recording. then comes a second voice. 

" you loved her. "

judging from the wave of darkness, maul assumes that this had been a private conversation. one this boy should not have heard nor recorded. bant. the one in the conversation and likely the one in the water. or the topic of the discussion they were having. the former feels more likely - with forcing kenobi to watch. still, maul felt as though he was a step behind, like he was missing part of crucial context to truly grasp this situation. but there’s no time to ponder before the boys spring to action.

kenobi slips away into the darkness and maul’s eyes only adjust to track him just a moment before he’s striking viciously at the boy. he’s fighting in a way that maul has only seen from him once, though more concentrated now. anger and focus from wanting to save a life rather than frenzied fury from wanting to avenge one. the move is blocked, but is quickly followed by a flurry of others, forcing the ‘enemy' to retreat blindly backwards. 

maul followed behind them, intuition telling him how this encounter would end - for why else would he be seeing it other than guilt?? guilt, guilt, guilt. maul is beginning to suspect that this sentiment makes up all that kenobi is, more than blood and water, more than flesh and bone. his very being is so deeply entwined with it that it’s difficult to distinguish when it begins or ends. if it even does. if it ever will. 

guilt is a useless feeling. 

the battle has reached its climax. kenobi pushes the boy and, as if forewarning what is to come, he nearly slips. then came the growl and had maul not known better, he’d assume it came from kenobi rather than the water. 

then, as predicted, the boy is falling. the very battlefield he’d chosen working against him, his hubris killing him (maul should not judge, but he is). he moves to peer over the edge just moments behind kenobi, the telltale snap and crunch of bones marking the descent down. golden eyes stare, passive. the boy’s neck is snapped, his other limbs twisted oddly, too. 

dead, yet the air smells purer than before.

deserved, yet the guilt is clear within kenobi. 

maul watches kenobi from the corner of his eye though he is still facing the fallen enemy. he looks sickly. of course a jedi would not see this victory as it was.

he wakes as he had in the dream. seamless and easy, calm until it isn’t. the door shuts behind his begrudging partner. a moment passes before he rises and twists, pushing himself from his bunk to land firm, metal connecting with metal. and he follows, as he had before.

" kenobi. " maul says as he enters the ready room. it’s still unclear as to why the force has decided to connect them in this way. he has no desire to understand the intricacies of kenobi’s guilt and shame nor is he equipped to deal with the aftermath of him reliving each situation. there is one thing he is curious about, though. and what better time to ask- " who was she referring to?? "

[brynne-again]

post-episode 6 WIP

He’d once said that he couldn’t kill Anakin. That was still true.

Obviously.  

Even though it was true, that version of himself – the one from ten years earlier who’d insisted he could never kill Anakin – he had been naive. It was hard to imagine that a man who’d been called both General and Jedi Master could be that naive.

But that was the only word that fit. He’d had no idea what was in store. Not for himself, not for the Jedi Order, and not for the entire galaxy. He had no idea the depths of the misery that could be wrought.

But the fact remained, even with the horrors that he’d seen, that he could not kill Anakin.

Was there a whisper in the Force that told him not to end Anakin’s life? Or had he used that as an excuse?

He’d never be sure. If it existed, it was subtle. It was a slow, winding tendril that threaded itself through the back of his mind. But it was enough. Enough to stay his hand.

Had he killed Anakin ten years ago, Obi-Wan would have let the Force consume him. Had he caused Anakin’s death, Obi-Wan wouldn't have survived it. Not in any way that mattered.

Yes, his former Padawan had still been Anakin at that point. Petulant, stubborn, and intractable. And brave. Some would argue with the word brave. Certainly it was not brave to kill younglings. But Anakin had been committed to his cause. He’d gone all in for the Emperor, and he’d thrown his whole self into it.

His actions were reprehensible. There was no excuse. And yet, in some ways, it was not so very surprising. Anakin had needed so much from him; from all of them. They had not always delivered. His background left him with a gaping wound, and as much as it pained Obi-Wan to admit it, Palpatine had filled that void.

Before Leia was kidnapped, Obi-Wan had spent the last ten years going over every moment of his life from the moment he’d first laid eyes on Anakin until the last. He’d cataloged what he’d done wrong. He’d made a list of everything the Jedi had done wrong too, based on Anakin’s particular circumstances. The list was… extensive.

For a while, he’d wondered if that introspection had done any good at all.

But at the moment when he saw Anakin’s face, he knew then that all of his self-reflection had been worth it. Obi-Wan was ready. He could apologize, and say the words – “I'm sorry, Anakin,” and he could mean them, to the depths of his soul and beyond.

They’d gotten that moment, just the two of them. To connect, even through the anguish. And for a split second, his Anakin was there, visible to him.

It would have to be enough.

And now he had gotten to meet Luke. It wasn’t much, but it was more than he’d expected.

Now that Obi-Wan was back on Tatooine, he was trying to let go of the past. He was trying to quit dwelling on his mistakes.

Thanks to Owen and Beru, Luke had what Anakin never had – his freedom, and a family. The same thing Anakin had been so desperately trying to recreate with Padme.

And Leia had two parents, two devoted, loving parents.

Obi-Wan could move on. He could keep an eye on Luke, and he could meditate, and he could stay connected to the Force, and to Qui-Gon.

And all of that had worked out really well for the first few weeks back on Tatooine.

He’d felt settled. Not happy. Not content, but settled. Leia was safe. Luke was safe. There were Jedi out there, and allies. People who would fight the Empire.

For thirty nights, his sleep was unbroken.

Then it all fell apart.

He had a nightmare, and the fragile peace he’d found crumbled to ash.

He hoped to any God that was listening that it was not a vision.

The dream had shown him Anakin, ten years from now. Then twenty. Then thirty. In each moment, Anakin was still serving Palpatine, still doing his cruel bidding. How long would the Emperor live? The carnage could go on and on.

Endless.

Had Obi-Wan failed again by not striking Anakin down? Had Obi-Wan failed the galaxy? Surely the weight of the world could not rest on his shoulders alone?

He stumbled from his bedroll. His knees hit the ground. “Qui-Gon, if you can hear me, then please, grant me wisdom. Give me guidance. I need it now, more than ever.” After returning to Tatooine, Qui-Gon’s appearance had been a comforting balm. Now Obi-Wan’s need for him was absolutely unrelenting.

The air in front of him shimmered. A voice rumbled. “Padawan.”

He reached out with one hand, grabbing the wall to stay upright. “Master.” His throat stung. It had been a few days since he’d seen Qui-Gon manifest. But it felt like a lifetime. An eternity.

An eternity of dealing with the self-doubt that wound its way through every waking moment. <i>You found Anakin, Master. You left me with him. I loved him, but it wasn’t enough. </i>

He did not say those words.

“You have given up,” Qui-Gon said. He stood there, serene, even in his admonishment.

Obi-Wan did not have that luxury. He would never be serene again. Not as long as he lived. “Because there is nothing left to hope for.”

“It may feel that way,” his former master said.

“I’m not in the mood for platitudes. I require help. Real, tangible help. Did I make yet another grave error?” He left the details unspoken. He knew Qui-Gon would understand his meaning.

“And I will provide it.”

He said nothing else, which did not surprise Obi-Wan. He felt his answer through the Force: Qui-Gon would never condone killing Anakin Skywalker.  

“Please. I am lost,” Obi-Wan said.  

Qui-Gon moved to sit on the ground. “There are universes out where this did not happen. Universes where Anakin does not join Palpatine.”

“Other universes?” There had been a time in his life where he’d have wanted to know every detail. He’d have sat up straight and quizzed his Master. Now, he wasn’t sure if he cared.

“Yes. They are infinite.”

Obi-Wan wanted to lie down. His arms were heavy. His head was heavy too. “How does that help us?”

“I can show you a glimpse into those lives.”

He shook his head. “Unless it will give me some insight, then I will respectfully decline. What good will it do, unless I can affect change here?” He had no desire to see what might have been. If he was shown a path not taken, it would only serve to torment him.  

Qui-Gon folded his hands together. “It will give you perspective. A new point of view.”

Obi-Wan wasn’t sure he could handle any more perspective.

But he would accept. What choice did he have? He’d asked for help. Qui-Gon was offering.  “Then let’s proceed,” he said. He couldn’t keep the defeat from his voice. But some action was better than none.

[fanfictasia]

Angstober Day 3

Flashbacks

Spoiler: This is an excerpt from Fading

Going back there is almost like stepping back in time – forwards, technically, but he remembers being here alone for years so vividly.

Now is not the time to get lost in memories, but he can’t help it. It hurts so, so much to see this place again, to think of how he spent ten years of his life here when he didn’t have to. If he had been able to stop all of this in the first place… Anakin had wanted to go with him to find Grievous. If not for his mission, Obi-Wan would’ve wanted him to go, too. He didn’t think this would be a fight they could win, knowing how the cyborg somehow always managed to escape.

And if not for his mission, there’s a high chance he would never have fallen in the first place.

He’s going to see Luke and Leia again, and Obi-Wan never much considered the enormity of how the twins who were ten last time he saw him are now babies.

They were both so much like their parents. Taking care of Leia had been so like how it was Anakin at first – he had been constantly paranoid of failing her like he did Anakin, and with Anakin he was constantly afraid of failing him like he did Qui-Gon. Both of them had been so light and cheerful about it. They had been calm and they had been ready for it. Obi-Wan was the one who wasn’t.

Now that he has Anakin back, he still doesn’t know where to start handling it. He doesn’t know how to… deal with it.

He still remembers with distinct clarity the first months after Qui-Gon was lost. He remembers waking up sometimes to see Anakin was beside him, too afraid to let him out of sight. He never understood Anakin so much until now, because that’s exactly how he feels about Anakin – too afraid to let him out of sight, lest he just… disappear again.

Like he did last time.

There had been nothing like the fear he lost Leia to the Sith when he awoke after… Mapuzo. And Leia had been brave throughout it all – it hadn’t been until one of the stormtroopers was holding her at blaster point that she seemed to finally realize how much she wanted to go home.

Anakin was so much the same on their first mission. Living in constant chaos and violence, staying at the Temple for months was driving him crazy and he insisted on going. It had been Yoda who eventually told Obi-Wan to take Anakin with him. It wasn’t until one of the pirates had hold on Anakin, a blade pressed to his neck that he realized the severity of the situation.

Obi-Wan still remembers that with clarity. He had been so scared even if he knew Jedi shouldn’t feel fear. Not so deeply. He had tried to stay calm, but it hadn’t been easy. All he could think of was not my padawan, not Anakin, he’s my promise, I can’t fail him.

Except even then, it had been Anakin who saved them. Somehow, even though he was just learning the Force, he was still so advanced and skilled. How a hardly trained ten-year-old was able to throw a barrage of rocks at someone without moving his hand is still beyond him – he has never been able to understand the depth of Anakin’s powers.

He shakes himself out of the memory, moving forwards. If only shaking off the depression that comes with it were this simple.

[rebelsofshield]

Star Wars: Obi-Wan Kenobi: “Part VI”-Review

Obi-Wan Kenobi closes on a high note in an emotional, satisfying finale that centers character and catharsis.

(Review contains episode spoilers)

With the Empire hot in pursuit, Obi-Wan, Leia, and the members of the Path quickly search for a way to escape to safety. Meanwhile, Reva clings to life and revenge in a desperate search to find Anakin’s son, Luke Skywalker.

Despite its many faults, Obi-Wan Kenobi has always excelled at being a story about characters processing trauma. The climactic events that ended The Clone Wars left our principle cast emotionally and physically scarred. Reva fell down a dark path in the name of vengeance. Vader has become a monstrous amalgam of hatred and self-loathing. Obi-Wan spent the last ten years in a hopeless despair, focused only on the survival of Luke Skywalker. At the end of the day, Obi-Wan becomes a show about who is able to move on and grow from this trauma and who cannot escape the consequences of their actions. Like the best of Star Wars it shows how hope for the future can save those who are most lost and provide a guiding light in dark times.

Obi-Wan’s journey here is particularly cathartic and thematically well realized. Even if the road to this final episode has often been clunky and stop-gap, Obi-Wan’s triumphant final stand against Darth Vader and the quiet and emotional scenes that follow make up for most of the series’ missteps. This confrontation between master and apprentice may more closely meet the expectations of viewers than the brutal trouncing back in “Part III,” and it also looks significantly better. A generic quarry set is swapped out for a haunting, barren moon of towering rocky pillars. While Deborah Chow’s direction at times may be a tad too chaotic for the encounter, the duel between these two manages to capture the flash and spectacle of the prequel trilogy while still feeling like a fight and not an overly choreographed dance.

It also, like the best Star Wars lightsaber clashes, focuses on character just as much as laser swords. I appreciated the push and pull between both opponents and also how Obi-Wan’s escape from Vader’s impromptu tomb mimics the classic Master Planner saga from Stan Lee and Steve Ditko’s original Amazing Spider-Man run. But the highlight of this encounter comes from Obi-Wan’s defeat of Vader, not only in its well choreographed spectacle but in the emotionally necessary discussion that follows. In the duel’s final moments, Obi-Wan slices away a portion of Vader’s ebony mask and for the first time in a decade master and apprentice finally meet eye to eye. The result is an emotionally gutting conversation and some of the best acting in the saga from both Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen. In perhaps the best moment of the series, Vader declares that he and not Obi-Wan is responsible for Anakin’s fate. It may come off as typical Vader loathing, but there is a small part of the interaction that reads like a twisted act of mercy. As if Vader is alleviating a weight from Obi-Wan’s shoulders, but only in the name of his own sick satisfaction. The look that Obi-Wan gives Vader in this moment shifts from shame and sadness to pity. The man he loves is truly gone, replaced by a monster.

It is a shame then that this moment is undercut by its almost identical similarity to a similar showdown in Star Wars Rebels. As emotional as McGregor and Christensen’s performance are, their confrontation can’t help but feel like a retread of an existing (and honestly better realized) sequence. The impulse is understandable, but the more Star Wars media tries to inhabit the same narrative ground as other projects, more toe stepping will begin to happen.

Given the climactic battle between Anakin and Vader, I appreciate the almost quiet way that Reva’s story resolves itself. Sure, there is the tense chase through the Lars Homestead, but it is Reva herself that decides to let her path of vengeance go. Her murder of an unconscious Luke does herself no good and doesn’t even come close to avenging her own suffering and the deaths of her friends. Its senseless violence and she finally is able to let go of the dark. And, in a welcome move, she lives. There is a future of this franchise that includes more of this shattered and tormented woman, who has walked both the light and dark. I really hope we don’t have to wait much longer before we see her again.

And while the final minutes of “Chapter VI” may give The Return of the King a run for its money in the number of fade-to-black false ends, the fact that Joby Harold, Hossein Amini, and Andrew Stanton’s script lingers on our protagonist is appreciated. Given that so much of this series has been about its title character finding peace and purpose once again, these moments of Obi-Wan finding direction for his future feel necessary. We get the meaningful goodbye to Leia, the quick first meeting of him and Luke, and the long awaited reappearance of his former master Qui-Gon Jinn as a Force Ghost. It shows a man that was shrouded in despair and cynicism embrace his past and future for a brighter future. It’s beautifully contrasted with a Vader who is only able to let go of his quest due to fearful loyalty to his master.

Thankfully, Obi-Wan closes out on a high note. Despite its sometimes awkward pacing and messy production, this series is among the most emotionally engaging material that the franchise has served up in quite some while. If Star Wars television always focused on emotion and humanity at the expense of spectacle, I think we’d be looking at a hopeful future.

Score: A-

[angelwithshotgn]

{oscar isaac; cismale; he/him} hey isn’t that EDDIE MORENO? the 42 year old DHAMPIR and a song that plays when you see them is PARANOID BY PALAYE ROYALE. They are known to be CARING and RASH. They have been in VALDEZ for 8 years and always remind me of life spent in on call rooms, rumpled dark scrubs, dirty glasses from late nights, and nightmare haunted sleep. what secrets will they discover?

BASICS.

NAME.　edmundo javier moreno

ALSO KNOWN AS.　eddie.   dr moreno.

BIRTH DATE + AGE.　december 13 | 42

ZODIAC.   sagittarius

GENDER.　cismale

PRONOUNS.　he/him

ORIENTATION.　bisexual / biromantic

SPECIES.　dhampir

OCCUPATION.　army (former). attending physician in emergency with a specialization in pediatrics

BIRTHPLACE.　jalapa guatemala.

CURRENT LOCATION.　valdez alaska, united states

FAMILY.　unknown father.    sofia moreno.    daughter (wc).

APPEARANCE

FACECLAIM.　oscar isaac

EYES. brown.

HAIR. brown.

DOMINANT HAND. left.

HEIGHT. five foot nine.

BUILD. athletic .

TATTOOS.   compass on right arm, sleeve on left.

SCARS/BIRTH MARKS. none

PERSONALITY.

CHARACTER INSPO.  arthur (inception). phil coulson (agents of shield). sam winchester (supernatural). obi-wan kenobi (star wars revenge of the sith). professor x (x men). carlisle cullen (twilight). atticus finch (to kill a mockingbird).  jean-luc picard (star trek: the next generation).

COLORS.  NAVY BLUE

MTBI.  ISFJ

ENNEAGRAMS.  2w1

HOGWARTS HOUSE.  gryffindor.

ALIGNMENT.   neutral

TEMPERAMENT.   melancholic

TIDBITS 

eddie moreno, born edmundo, was born in jalapa guatemala to sofia moreno and an unknown father. his mother moved them to the states when eddie was a year old.

he grew up in california raised speaking spanish at home and learning english from classmates growing up.

eddie spent all of high school studying hard to make sure he got into a good college. to be the first in his family to go to college.

he graduated from high school at 16 and college at 20, med school at 24.

he went to ucla for pre med and med school before starting an internship at one of the local hospitals.

when he was 21 eddie had gotten his girlfriend at the time pregnant but she didn’t want to be a parent so she planned to give the baby up for adoption. once the baby was born, eddie refused to sign his rights away and became the sole guardian of his daughter, balancing med school and his internship with the help of his mother.

at 25, after his first year as an intern, eddie was deployed with the us army. his mom became his daughter’s guardian. she was the girl’s guardian for ten years before eddie came back stateside. but he moved him and his daughter to valdez alaska, after getting a job offer at Valdez Memorial.

his vampire half had been dormant his entire life, aside from being drawn to blood, until last month when he was treating a patient in the er and blood sprayed into his mouth. he started craving blood more.

[parvulous-writings]

Stars //Sith!Obi-Wan x Pregnant!Reader

Request:   Heya! First of all, I just want to say, wow!!! I loved wvry word of the Vader x Reader you did, and reading your notes, I really don't mind it as an AU! I've never really read anything to do with Sith Obi-Wan before, though to be fair I only just got into Star Wars again 😅 This isn't really a request, but from what I can see from your posts, you seem to really like Obi-Wan, well, Ewan Mcgregor in general 😂I wanted to ask if you could write another x Reader, but this time a Sith Obi-Wan AU?Thanks for reading! -Red ❤ p.s, @rey-is-not-a-skywalker, you're welcome for requesting the sith x reader, I guess you're obsessed as I am 😂 p.s the second, I'm loving the new pfp!

Requested by: ​Red

Summary: The reader has some news for Sith Lord Obi-Wan Kenobi

Warnings: The reader is AFAB, pregnancy

Words: 1.7K

Notes: You would be correct in assuming I love Obi-Wan and Ewan McGregor as a whole. Also I’m glad you like the new pfp! I am also in love with it! :)  Did I self indulge with this oneshot? I think you know the answer. Leave me alone, I am too much of a simp at this point.  I have never been pregnant, so some of this may be inaccurate. 

Not my gif

An old Jedi’s fall from grace was a never a pretty sight to see, it was no glorious tale to tell from any side. It was full of hurt, pain, hatred, suffering. This was more than true for the fallen Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. His downfall was the least expected out of those who turned away from the light, he had always been the most loyal of men, the most faithful of soldiers.  Perhaps, in part at least, this was what drove him away from his original allegiance. He was an exceptional leader of course, the most fantastic of generals, but besides that, in the larger picture, to the Jedi Order as a whole he was nothing more than a faceless defender of the galaxy. Just another of the tens of thousands Jedi.  Another factor that led to the man’s path to the dark side, was you. What you made him feel. The passion, the love. An indescribable feeling, all he could say about it was that it was truly wonderful. He did not mind the fear, or the hatred that came with it, for you made it all worth it. The massive highs compared to the lows outweighed them greatly, and thus he gave it all for and to you. His passion, his loyalty, his love. Everything he had, every fiber of his being, he gave it all to you. If he could turn the worlds on theirs heads, and you gave the word, he’d do it. 

You had initially been shocked at the man’s sudden change of life-plans and of loyalty. Though, the more you thought about it, the more you began to convince yourself, perhaps he had made the right choice. He wasn’t so uptight in regards to public affection now- he’d often smother you with kisses in front of company, or hold your arm or hand as you wander about in cities or halls. Despite the Sith being the darker beings of the Force, the life you now lived was almost... Peaceful. After a while, you very much enjoyed it. There weren’t so many rules now, and you both felt free.  Though, not everything about your new life was free or peaceful. There were times that Obi-Wan was pulled away from you much like in the way he was during the times of the Republic and the Jedi Order. He’d be wrenched from your embrace for weeks or months at a time, and the holocom conversations you shared were not the same as actual conversations. The comforting presence you both gave to one another were missing, and it was painfully obvious to the pair of you. 

One particular night, whilst Obi-Wan had been away, you were staring out at the stars- each of them twinkling from their position on the blanket of the night from their positions thousands of light-years away. They fascinated you every night, though you knew some of the planetary systems by name and had visited a few yourself, you couldn’t help but imagine what could be hiding away on them,  what could be awaiting discovery. They also distracted you from something plaguing your mind on this particular night, something you needed to get off of your chest. It had been bothering you more and more over the last few days, ever since you had made the discovery. 

You are brought from your train of thought by the bleeping of your comm. You move leisurely to answer it, there was only one person who could be calling you at this time of night, but you knew he wouldn’t mind you taking a moment longer than usual. You answer your lover’s call, and a murmur on the other end of the line hushes- he must have been talking to someone as he awaited your answer. “Ah, my beloved.. I thought you had fallen asleep.” He mused quietly, his smug expression clear even through the blue hologram, and you can’t help but chuckle at him.  “No. I was looking out at the stars,” You tell him, plainly. Sunsets and night skies held a special place in both of your hearts; you had spent many nights on Coruscant looking out at them, telling each other the wishes you had made on shooting stars that you rarely saw. You heard Obi-Wan sighed quietly. He knew your habits when he was away, and what they meant. “I should be returning soon, my dear.” He assured you, lowering his voice to nothing more than a whisper. “I am trying to get this done, you know, but it’s not as easy as-”  “I know, I know.” You cut him off, wrapping your arms around yourself, looking down at the floor. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Obi-Wan’s brows furrows, clearly he’s noticed your odd behaviour. 

“Something’s bothering you.” Obi-Wan notes, tucking his hands into the sleeves of his long robe. “Tell me,” He demanded. Though his tone was soft, it was still very much a command. You start to shake your head at him.  “I would rather not... Not over the comm.” You start, looking over to his projection. He looks even more concerned than before- partially because you disobeyed an order from him, and partially because you were willingly withholding information from him. You never did either of those things, not with him. You were both in balance, and trusted each other completely. He knew this had to be incredibly serious for you to say something like this.  “Then I shall return immediately.” He no longer cared for his assignment; he would much prefer that he knew you were safe and out of harm’s way. You start to shake your head more frantically.  “No, Kenobi- you must finish the task the Emperor has given you, he-”  “Can wait.” Obi-Wan finished abruptly. You could tell from the way he stood and held himself- chest out, shoulders back, spine rigid and straight-  that he could not be swayed on this. “He can wait.” He repeated, wanting the words to sink in, for you more than himself. “I will be returning, whether you agree with me or not. I will be back by the morning.” And with that, those final harsh words, he ended the call. You sighed quietly, running your hands over your face in exasperation and stress. You hadn’t wanted to pull your lover away from the mission he had been given, you had wanted to wait just a few more days till he returned as had been planned. You sighed deeply, moving away from the comm, heading towards bed as you strip off your clothes.  You nestle under the covers, wrapping your arms around yourself for some comfort. 

By morning, you were well rested. As your eyes started to crack and flutter open, you became acutely aware of the arm around your waist, and the head buried into the back of your neck. You shuffle slightly to look over your shoulder, smiling slightly at the peaceful expression on the face of the sleeping man behind you. By rights, you didn’t even have to turn over to know that it was Obi-Wan, you knew the feel of his aura and his touch. Still, it provided a sense of comfort, knowing with more certainty that it was him. You shuffle round to face him fully, brushing some of his auburn locks away from his closed eyes. His nose scrunches ever so slightly at the contact; and he too starts to wake up. It’s a slow process for him, and always had been. Even during his time serving the Order; though your mornings together were few and far between, you had noticed this little pattern of his. His eyes crack open like yours had done, and a drowsy smile moves over his lips.  “Good morning, darling...” He yawned softly, before pressing a gentle kiss to your jaw. “You look stunning...” He told you, his lips still pressed against your skin as he gave you the compliment- no doubt the first of many that morning.  “You flatter me, Obi..” You murmur in reply, and presses kiss after feather-light kiss over your jaw and neck.  “I speak only the truth for you, my love...” He trailed off for a moment, as he started to push himself up onto his elbows. “Now... Onto business...” He mused, “You still need to tell me what’s bothering you.” He pointed out, and he was right, as he often was. “So, I would start talking, my dear.” 

Though his demeanour is playful, you know you shouldn’t argue this time around. You sit up, leaning against your pillows as your try to think of how to start talking about your recent discovery- despite it’s wonderful connotations, it was not as easy as one might think. “Obi...” You begin.  “Darling.” He replied, hardly missing a beat.  “I have some... Rather pleasing news.” He nods, prompting you to continue. “You... Are going to be a father.”  It takes him a moment to actually register your words, for their meaning to sink in. He practically tackles you back into the bed when it clicks somewhere in his mind, the widest smile on his face. He’s laughing breathlessly, hardly able to believe the news or contain his excitement because of it.  “Is it so?” He asked, his hand splaying over your stomach as he spoke. “My, my...” He mumbled- and it was moments like this that showed how much he had changed from his old ways. Had you given such news to him whilst he was still a Jedi- he would have panicked at first, asked if you wished to keep the child, and if you had done he would have likely asked you to leave to a slightly more rural planetary system. He had no fear now, and so didn’t need to ask you. He accepts it with ease in these times, and is more than happy to receive such news.  He had no fear in rearing a child now, so long as you wished for it too. He paused as this thought washed over him, then gave you a curious look. “Are we... Keeping the child?” He asked, and you couldn’t help but chuckle.  “I think we could be wonderful parents... If you’re not away so much.” You poke your finger into his chest.  “Alright... I will discuss it...” He mused, resting his head near you abdomen, gazing at it in wonder. He could hardly believe that your child- the fruits of both of you- was growing there, and he was more than just excited to meet his child. He pulled you close again, whispering sweet nothings and reassurances as the morning wound on, till you eventually fell asleep again in his arms, comforted by his presence. 

[padawansuggest]

Modern AU where Obi-Wan is a medium that gets sent on ghost hunts to deal with specific spirits and then his dad, long time single parent Qui-Gon, get’s married to Shmi, and Obi-Wan suddenly has a baby brother that can sense darker spirits and they eventually end up making some sort of YouTube show about actual ghost dealings (Obi-Wan has been threatened by the Catholic Church to fucking stop that of all the goddamn people which is credit enough to prove he’s legit and has any cease and desist letters framed) and eventually end up recruiting Anakin’s childhood buddy Aayla, her big bro Quinlan (who keeps trying to hit on Obi-Wan, and is a highly sensitive empath) and eventually end up with a kiddo from Qui-Gon’s old single-fathers support group, Ahsoka (who was adopted by Plo when she was 4) and they all mostly live together. Mostly cause Ahsoka is still underage and only gets to have sleepovers, and Anakin still swaps between home and their terrible little frat house.

It fits cause Obi-Wan get’s visions of the ghosts themselves as well as how they lived, Quinlan get’s visions of how they died and what type of character they were, and Anakin gets a sense of When They Need To Get The Fuck Out Now and has been responsible for finding and removing not one, but THREE witches totems over the course of about ten years. Which is fucking terrifying. Those things have to be transported very carefully and it’s always what gets the Catholic Church to back the fuck off because they just let them deal with their containment (cause Anakin ain’t got no time for that shit lmaooooo) and that calms them down. Ahsoka and Aayla are there because they have spiked baseball bats and aren’t afraid of shit. Admittedly, Anakin and Quinlan are also in that category, but Obi-Wan actually has a healthy understanding of what he can and cannot touch, especially after that one time Bail (a guy he later went on to date lmao) who had just met him, went with him on a hunt, and they both got possessed a bit and tried to kill each other. It was a wild ride. They still go on dates with Bail’s wife sometimes 😙

When Anakin actually moved in with Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan had just started posting about this stuff online (basically giving a comprehensive guide to people like him and how to safely get started, or how to ditch the life all together despite the visions) and he sorta gained a stalker, one who thought sending him MEGA cursed items was like a fucked up courting ritual (the guy didnt actually believe in them just thought Obi-Wan was pretty) and one of them almost killed Obi-Wan but Anakin was able to pick it up because his energy matched the cursed objects. It doesn’t mean he’s evil, his energy just runs on a different wavelength than Obi-Wan’s.

After that he convinced their parents to let him move in with Obi-Wan while the stalker was still around and brought a spiked bat with him. Suffice to say, he managed to drive the guy off. After that he spent years flopping between houses as he pleased like a stray cat.

So Anakin and Quinlan are impulsive and have had to have their dumb little grabby raccoon fingers smacked from reaching for things they shouldn’t, while Aayla and Ahsoka are ready to smack a guy’s face in for just about any reason.

Funny thought: the Fett family (with Jango as the head of house, and Grandpa Jaster either lives with them as a second adult to take care of kids, or he’s either living with Arla or Alpha, one of his other kids and their little broods) recently moved into a haunted house and after a week of absolute chaos with several sets of twins being horrible and Cody coming home from his last year of college to help take care of the kids during the move, the dumb little frat crew (also known as The Jedi Knights lmao) end up paying them a visit to get rid of a particularly annoying spirit of an old man that didn’t want no goddam babies in his house (poor Boba and Omega, it’s a good thing they’re too little to remember this cause that guy kept showing up over their cribs when Jango went to check on them nearly gave this man a heart attack) and after that the Fett children keep periodically showing up in the backgrounds of most of their videos. Especially Obi-Wan and Anakin’s joint tiktok account.

Ahsoka doesn’t have a tiktok cause Plo thinks she’s too young to be putting up videos, especially after Obi-Wan’s stalker got so violent like that, but he let’s her have an Instagram account. It’s set to private but when she’s legal she can post whatever she wants. she doesn’t need permission, she just needs to keep her profile private for now.

She mostly wants a tiktok cause she likes doing those dance videos with Aayla and Anakin.

[galacticwildfire]

Illicit Affairs | Obi-Wan Kenobi

Fourteen

Obi-Wan Kenobi x Amidala!oc

Rhea Amidala meets Obi-Wan Kenobi when he and his master come to her younger sisters aid and he discovers the queen's sister was once a Jedi, expelled from the order for her unwillingness to forgo love and attachment. The two stranded together on Tatooine find common ground despite their differences, and above all a hope within the other for something greater than themselves.

He hopes for her to rejoin the order, while she hopes for him to leave, and both are left reeling from their illicit affair, until ten years later he is once again called to her sister's service and they are catapulted into each other's lives by a war that will set them on the same path of secrecy and tragedy.

Word count: 8k

Tags/warnings: angst, lots of angst, unprotected penetrative sex but she has a birth control chip, finally some fluff

A/N: wewww

~

~

Hours later we still haven't spoken, still sopping wet in my cold ship. Unlike him I have other clothes onboard I can change into since it is my ship after all but I can't bring myself to remove his wet robe from around my shoulders that he placed in such tenderness before this mess.

He is angry, disappointed. With the hours that pass I truly can appreciate how he has become a master in these last years, for only a master can so perfectly master the silent treatment. I almost pity Anakin now. But, I do know that with Anakin as his padawan Obi-Wan has by sake of necessity become one of the most patient men in the galaxy and that he will put this aside for the sake of the mission once the emotions pass.

But still I cannot bear it, I cannot bear him being angry with me when I've been betrayed so brutally. I ache for his comfort even though I don't deserve it. I lied. I lied to the one person I knew I could trust with this and he's right, I did it to save my pride, but mostly out of fear of this exact situation.

My master has betrayed me, he hired the bounty hunter to kill Padme before I overheard the conversation with his own master, he'd already given the order before his master did.

My own father could never understand for a moment why I'd made the choices I had in leaving the order and in everything that came next. But Dooku did. As a child Dooku had paid a closer eye on me in supervising my clan's training as a youngling than my parents ever did after they let them take me. The bond I'd spent years trying to repair with my father, it was one I found early with Dooku despite the strict professionalism he kept in the training.

I needed a father, some wiser being to look up to, and that was Dooku.

All that is gone now. It was all a lie.

I can bear my sisters anger at being a separatist, we're sisters we fight and we get over it.

But not this.

At the start I was operating under the assumption I could hide it until the mission was done so he would never have to know but even then I knew that there is no done. Not with Obi-Wan and I.

Half of me expects Obi-Wan to come and sort this out, or at least to break this silence, but he doesn't. He's a patient man so this silent treatment may very well last until we reach Anakin and Padme and are forced to communicate.

But I'm not that patient and so when the tension becomes unbearable I leave my ships sleeping quarters to return to the cockpit, standing in the entrance and wait until he senses me before I dare to ask "Are you still angry with me?"

He sighs heavily, and from the moment he takes to compose himself before speaking it's clear the emotions haven't yet passed. At least it's some relief to know both of us are in pain.

"You were a Siths apprentice for the better part of a decade and you hid it from me knowing how important that very fact is to this mission," he says, laying it out logically as much as passive aggressively. "So yes, I am still angry with you."

But I know him better than that, I know it's the betrayal he can't move past no matter how much he tries to rationalise it in his own mind. That it's his emotions that have been hurt rather than the mission.

Knowing it can't get much worse I say "I wanted to tell you everything that first night and I was going to before the attack happened, when you said that no matter what it was that it's us and that all would be well."

He sighs again and looks back at me, the tension unmistakable. "Yes and I do mean that but Rhea, this is madness. You went to Count Dooku for training knowing he'd turned to the darkside."

"It was him who came to me," I remind Obi-Wan and try to resist the urge to become defensive. "And tell me Obi-Wan, you knew he was one of the lost but did you ever know he'd fallen to the darkside until I'd told you? Because I certainly didn't until I learned the hard way."

He clamps his mouth shut, he didn't know and I refuse to speak until he answers me. "No, I didn't know. I knew he was a misguided idealth but not this." He can't look at me as he says "I had thought the same about you. A maverick, never a Sith's apprentice."

Considering he can't exactly walk away whilst we're in hyperspace I try to explain myself before he can choose to leave me on Naboo.

"I believed he and I were two people who saw the truth in things, who viewed the force in a way beyond the code. He treated me with respect whilst everyone else in my life still saw me as a failure for not being accepted back into the order, he didn't. He believed as Jedi we could maintain attachments and that we shouldn't have to keep them hidden. That we can still love." He winces at those words. "I may have left that council meeting with my dignity but with the years grew anger, resentment. He told me it was justified and that people like us didn't have to suffer as outcasts for it. He took me under his wing and offered to complete my training, how could I have refused him? Who else was going to offer me that?"

"I would have," he tells me without missing a beat and I freeze, that thought, that possibility, having never crossed my mind despite going to the temple all those years ago. "If you wanted training I would have done it in a heartbeat without the permission of the council."

Of course he would have, he had Anakin, but still he would have defied them for me just as he was willing to defy them in far greater ways. Sadness fills me at the thought of what could have been if I'd gone to him in those moments I was lost. If I'd gone to him that day in the temple and told him I regretted walking away from him, that I regretted not fighting harder. 

"And if I knew that I would have taken up that offer in a heartbeat," I tell him, and now I'm truly in pain. "But when I found Dooku it had been three years. Any faith I had left in us was slipping and I needed guidance, and I was not going to risk pulling you away from your duty to Anakin." He's quiet now as I tell him. "I thought Dooku was a rogue Jedi like myself who wanted to make a change for the better through the Separatist cause and I believed in his faith in me, that his desire to take me as an apprentice was out of generosity, or at the very least a genuine desire for a likeminded protege. I could never have guessed he was a Sith lord. If for a moment that thought had ever crossed my mind in those few years I would have run and never looked back. I was desperate for someone to have faith in me, and I fell into his trap."

It's the betrayal that I'd go to a man who was all but a stranger instead of him that rings clear in his voice. "Why didn't you come to me after everything we went through together with Darth Maul? Even if it had been years, just as it's been now, I would have done anything for you." I have to look away at those words. "If you could trust no one else, I would have thought after everything you would have been able to trust me. Just as I thought you'd be able to trust me with this."

"I did-"

"If you came to me-"

"I did!" I finally cry out and he stares in shock at the tears that fill my eyes. "I did come to you."

He shakes his head "No, you never-"

But I did and there is no point hiding my lapse of resolve anymore, not whilst I'm prepared to abandon my last shred of grace for him.

"The very day after Dooku asked me to be his apprentice I came to the temple," I tell him and he falls utterly silent. "I was on Coruscant for a damn senate meeting but the first place I went was to you. I knew I'd gone mad as I snuck inside, I didn't let anyone see me and I found you."

"No," he says, searching his memories as I sit down in the copilot's seat across from him. "You never-"

"You never saw me," I say, remembering it like yesterday. "You were in the garden training with Anakin. Your hair was longer, I remember it because I hadn't realised it had such orange in it before then." I have to resist the urge to reach out and touch it now. "Anakin was throwing a fit because he didn't want to do his training, he asked you if Qui-Gon made you do that same training and said he missed him." Slowly in his eyes I see the memory dawn on him. "Anakin said he missed Padme and asked if you missed me."

"Rhea," he breathes and I don't know who'll reach for who first.

"I heard all of it," I whisper. "I saw the pain you were still in. All I wanted in that moment was to go to you, to tell you all of it."

"Why didn't you?" he asks me, as if it would have made a difference. "You were right there and I never-"

"Because I loved you too much to throw myself back into your life and screw it up again," I tell him but see the pain in his eyes in this moment. "But it seems I did that anyways."

He shakes his head and takes my face in his hands, the touch forcing the air from my lungs. "Rhea- that day the council asked me to follow you."

My voice is thin, not having expected a revelation of his own. "What?"

"They were worried there'd be a riot when you spoke in the senate, and they were right of course," he says with a heartbreaking fondness. "I stayed where you couldn't see me but I remember the moment you were in the corridor just outside of the senate hall fighting with Naboo's senator. You were dressed in this great big red gown and looked more like royalty than yourself." He traces my face now whilst I'm utterly still. "You had two red dots on your cheeks, and a line of red lipstick here." I'm trembling under his touch as his thumb drags down my lower lip. "You were scolding the senator and I just wanted to kiss you, you've always been an intimidating force to be reckoned with and I remembered in that moment just what it felt like to be on the other side of it."

He was there and I never knew, he was right there the moment I needed him most and yet twice he slipped from my grasp. "Why- why didn't you show yourself?"

"Because I knew you needed to keep your head about you and a reunion would have only compromised us both," he answers and I can feel the undercurrent of remorse. "I watched the show you put on from the gallery, I thought after the things Palpatine said you'd crash and burn but you did the opposite. I was awestruck and when you walked out I tried to chase after you." I feel my eyes widen at those words. "I ran through that entire damn senate building trying to find you without a thought in my mind what I'd do once I did, I just knew something wasn't right."

"It wasn't," I quake. "That was the moment I decided to join Dooku. That was the moment I lost faith in the Republic." Finally he understands, if he was there he has to. "In my gut I knew I was making the wrong choice but I was so angry I didn't care."

"By the time I found you," he continues. "You were surrounded by armed guards and getting into your ship, I called out to you from the crowd, you heard me but you never saw me."

"I did, I did hear you," I tell him, realising it wasn't just some twisted sign, it was him. My last call to the light. "I thought I was going mad, as if hearing your voice was something in the force trying to tell me no and I- if I'd just seen you then I wouldn't have done what I did."

He searches my eyes now, thumb stroking my cheek as he tells me "When I saw you leave I was as devastated as I was relieved, because I knew if I had found you, if I could have touched you I would have kissed you." His words are shockingly shameless and just like that I lose all sense, all reservation, all grace. "Because you- the moment you are near all sense, all self control, it disappears. I am a Jedi, I shouldn't feel the things I feel for you but..."

It's only then I realise his eyes are on my lips and we're gravitating towards each other helpless against what can only be the pull of the force itself.

"I love you," I confess without thought or hesitation and watch his eyes widen at those forbidden words, and that's all it takes before I feel his lips on mine and the only thought in my mind is a resounding finally.

His bearded face is rough on mine and his lips soft, every glance, every word, every touch, all leading up to this moment of pure inhibition. The moment I gasp into his mouth at the feeling of his tongue I'm being pulled out of my chair and we're blindly stumbling into the back of the ship as he tugs my braid apart until he can bury his hand in my hair, using the leverage to tilt my jaw up and deepen the kiss as I find my back against the cold wall of the ship.

"Rhea," he breathes between kisses, and groans when my lips find his neck, the map of him I traced so long ago still imprinted in my mind and he curses as my lips drag along his jawline before roughly pulling them back to his.

Suddenly every touch is hot and desperate, hands moving with a heaviness that never existed before. We aren't two kids anymore, we aren't padawans, there is no false innocence left for us to pretend this won't end one way. It's as his hands come to grasp my waist tight and I'm gasping into his mouth he warns me "We shouldn't-"

"I know," I say, maker do I know but it does little to deter either of us as I search his blue eyes darkened with lust and we both know we've gone too far across that forbidden line to go back now.

He pulls my body flush to his, his voice is guttural as he commands "Say you want this."

"I want this," I say but it's not enough for him until I'm tugging him to me knowing there's only one way in which we get any closer than this, my hands fisted in his robes and staring into his hungry eyes. "I want you." I don't expect my voice to quake in pure heartache as I declare "I need you."

I gasp out as he lifts me up, my legs around his waist and fingers buried in his hair as his lips find my own and for a moment I'm fighting tears at how my heart itself cries after all these years without him and I feel his hand cover my heart, telling me he feels it too. He carries me with ease across the hall but only making several feet before my back hits a wall and his mouth is hot beneath my jaw, the scratch of his beard pure heaven and feel him moan into my flesh as my fingers tug at his locks and we're stumbling back into my sleeping quarters.

As he sets me down on the bed all of me yearns to be one with his, my body, my heart, my soul and it's him who asks me "Can you feel it?"

The irresistible pull of the force that's been there since the very first time we laid eyes on one another, stronger than it ever was then and I know then there is no escaping it again.

"Yes."

It's the strongest thing I've ever felt.

His lips hover over mine and remain there as I look up into his eyes, but it's not until I move to kiss him and when he stops me I see the pure pain in them and feel him slip from between my fingers.

"Obi-" I begin but I'm left cold as he pulls back, the horror of what we've done dawning on him and my head falls back in frustration against the cot as he gets to his feet.

"I can't," he says, unable to look at me. "We can't."

"We can," I find myself daring to say as I sit up and look at him, a mess on the mattress. "Obi-Wan-"

"Rhea," he interrupts, his voice filled with remorse. "I should have stopped this all those years before it ever reached the point it did but I was too weak to resist you. I can't make the same mistake twice."

"Too weak to resist me?" I repeat, frustration meeting his guilt. "Is that what I am Obi-Wan, a temptation, a test of your discipline?"

"Yes," he answers as if he wasn't my willing accomplice. "And I will not give into you again."

"Tell me," I ask him as I get out of the bed. "Ten years ago, who was it that took me into your room in the temple and kissed me? Who did the same just now!"

He sighs, both of us flushed red and at our wits end "You know exactly what it is you do to me Rhea."

"And what do you think you do to me?" My voice trembles with a decades worth of pain and his eyes close as I touch his face, running my fingertips along his bearded cheek, his bruised lips. "Do you think you're the only one who's become mad?" I look up into his eyes as they finally open and tell him "The greatest regret of my life was not fighting harder for us and now- now I know I'll live the rest of my life in regret if I do not do that now."

Slowly he removes my hands from his face and in trying to rationalise every reason why this could break us he says the worst thing he possibly can. "We can't keep longing for a brief love that was a decade ago."

I back away, the space between us turning volatile at those words. "Is that all this is Obi-Wan?" He stiffens now as I taunt with tears in my eyes. "Longing for a brief love a decade ago?"

"Rhea-" His voice is rough as he reaches me, quickly backtracking. "No- I'm sorry, we both know it is not."

"Then say it," I challenge, refusing to accept anything other than the truth. "Say that despite all the years the noble Jedi's great flaw is still his heart. That the moment you laid eyes on me it all came rushing back!"

"I have never hidden that," he argues quietly, trying his very best to be gentle with his words as if you can soften a dagger to the heart. "But I cannot compromise my judgement for the sake of a memory, no matter how vivid it is." 

"No," I protest quietly before my voice raises, not willing to leave with grace this time. "We'd be lying to ourselves if we pretended we haven't lived ten years in agony and I am not doing that again!"

It's then he holds my hands in his and gets down on his knees for me, I could be mistaken in thinking this was a proposal if not for the pure agony in his eyes. "Rhea."

"Obi-Wan, don't."

"You're stronger than I ever have been and ever will be," he tells me with the purest reverence in his voice. "Which is why I know if we fight you'll win. We both know what we have to do, we both know that no matter how much we ache for each other-"

"I love you," I tell him, the tears I've so desperately fought making their way down my cheeks. "I've always loved you and I love you now." Still he tries to pretend he isn't cursed with the same affliction and I grasp his hands tight, refusing to let them go. "Tell me you don't love me."

Something behind his eyes breaks "Rhea-"

"Tell me you aren't in love with me and I'll stop," I whisper, knowing the truth in his heart.

"I can't," he breathes hoarsely. "Which is why you need to walk away."

My defiance is unshaken. "No."

"Please Rhea," he pleads with me, still more composed than I could ever be. "I'm on my knees, don't make me beg also."

And so I get down on my knees as well, damning my dignity, damning grace, damning everything but my love for him.

"We're both on our knees, Obi-wan," I tell him as I decide "I can't be the one to walk away this time, I can't." I'm choking on my words now, hating this, hating feeling so weak after so many years of trying to be strong but I can't lie to myself like he can. "I'm not that strong anymore, so don't you dare make me do it again."

"Rhea-"

"No!" I grit out, shaking my head. "Don't you dare make me live with that guilt again, I won't!"

"Rae," he whispers, holding my face. "Darling... it would destroy us."

Tears stain my face and my voice breaks "It already has."

Or at least destroyed me.

His voice is filled with pain as he breathes my name "Rhea..."

"I love you," I say again after ten years of wishing I said it, even if it falls on deaf ears. "I did then when I walked away, and I do now. Obi-Wan if this is so impossible please do me that mercy now." He can't look at me and I say the words I know I shouldn't "But if you love me, if you still want to fight-" He lets go of me and agony replaces his touch as he stands and I'm looking up at him from my knees, putting every last bit of fight I have left in me into my last words. "I'm asking if you can love me now, despite my mistakes, despite the years." He stands there, still somehow looking on in disbelief and I cry out "Damnit Obi-Wan asking you to forgive me, to love each other as we are now."

But all he can give me is an apology.

"I am sorry Rhea," he says, both our hearts breaking. "I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you. I-" His eyes meet mine and he hesitates before telling me "I have loved you from the first breath I ever took when I set eyes on you and I will love you until my very last, but love my darling isn't enough."

For the first time I find myself with no words left to say as I feel the strongest love I've ever felt be torn from my hands once again and he opens his mouth with tears in his own eyes but leaves before he can say anything more and I break down on the floor as I haven't since I left him on Naboo all those years ago, clutching my breaking heart and cursing myself for believing it could ever end any differently.

~

Obi-Wan

The cockpit is somehow colder than it was before. I've loved and I've lost, but nothing compares to the sheer agony of walking away from her. It doesn't help that I can feel her own pain as sharply as my own. I want to go to her, I want to dry her tears and hold her until the pain is a distant memory but I can't. Not without wounding her more than I already have.

Never did I realise how deeply walking away wounded her, never did I realise the guilt she's had in her heart for so many years and only now as I hear her choked gasps do I truly feel it, do I understand that guilt.

I love her. Despite all she's told me I still only love her. I want to force myself to believe the worst, but it would only be a lie. She was manipulated by Dooku from the start, and I understand why she made the decision she did after witnessing that day in the senate myself. I only wish she trusted me enough to tell me all of it from the start, I know she wanted to but the mess she's found herself in is truly darker than anything I could have ever conceived.

Apprenticing for a Sith lord.

I've searched for darkness within her and found none, a primordial anger perhaps, but nothing close to what I sensed in Maul. I've felt greater darkness in my own apprentice than in her. 

She is passionate with the capacity for great love and great hate, she is everything a Sith would target, and yet her love and loyalty is greater than any thirst for power. Love, the very thing I've been taught only leads to darkness is what has led her to resist it. She has always destroyed everything I've ever believed in, and now is no exception. 

From the start I justified my feelings through the belief I could bring her back to the Order, that it was why the force had brought us together, that it was the will of the force itself to return with her. I believed if that happened we could keep it a secret, that if us being drawn together was the will of the force all else would fall into place.

I no longer have any misconceptions about the possibility of this, to be with her is utterly impossible, and yet trying to walk away still feels as if I'm fighting against the current of the force. Tears wet my hand as I drag it over my face, unable to ignore now the feelings I've forced aside for so many years. A great sadness that I've told myself is tolerable, or rather that I've forced myself to tolerate. 

The fate of a Jedi is to dedicate one's life to something greater than themselves, in my case it has been Anakin. A boy I've raised, who I love as my own brother and only now do I understand Rhea's hesitation to leave Padme all those years ago. I can call it duty, but the truth is that I've come to love Anakin, I would die for him. He is my brother and the closest thing I will ever have to a son. I have always known that if he left the order I would follow him, that I would go against the council and abandon everything I have ever known not out of duty, but out of love.

It would not be the first time I have contemplated it, if Satine had asked it of me I would have done it but that was before I had a duty to my padawan, a padawan who will soon be knighted.

But what is duty compared to a woman's love, compared to the sun itself?

In this short time I've been reunited with her I've felt more alive than I have in years, perhaps ever, and every second I spend in her presence only makes the thought of being without her unliveable.

 I cannot do it again. I meant it when I told her I would love her until my last breath, but I know all too well the truth that love is not enough, not without sacrifice.

A sacrifice that I may just make, and I hold my saber in my hands as I contemplate what I am prepared to do.

If I do this, I do it absolutely. If I decide to be with her that is a commitment for life itself. A commitment greater than my commitment to the Jedi. If I do this I will marry her, I will devote myself to her entirely. 

Once before I was prepared to do this, when I was far younger with far less to lose, but it is Rhea I have loved and longed for these many years, a decade now. If I allow myself to fall then there will be no second guessing, no backing out.

I will love her, and I will love her entirely.

Anakin... I know Anakin would understand. I dare to imagine he would even smile. 

Perhaps in Qui-Gon's spirit I would stand before the council with her by my side and give them an ultimatum. It was not always so impossible. I've heard stories of marriage and children between Jedi in the days of old, thousands of years in the past perhaps it was not always so forbidden. There are also the rumours of Master Mundi and his five wives but I can hardly claim extinction of our species as a special exception.  I do not want to leave the Order, but I know I cannot leave her. 

She would never ask me to leave, but she's as distraught as I am to the point of getting down on her knees and all but asking me to stay with her and I may just be selfish enough to. She must believe that somehow I could live in secret with her whilst remaining part of the order, but I know better than that. I've devoted my entire life, more than thirty years now, to the order and yet I still do not find myself contented with it. 

The question remains in my mind if I would find that contentment with Rhea or if we would crash and burn the moment we try to run. There is no ignoring our temperaments could just as easily grate as they could complement but what I do know is that whatever our differences they come together as one. Two jagged halves that shouldn't fit together but do.

Choosing the order would be the easier path, but I know I will regret it until my last breath if I do not try, except in this instance as Master Yoda would say, do or do not, there is no try.

Whilst my mind battles between possibilities, my heart is made up.

It's her's if she'll still have it.

And so I put down my saber and quietly go to her sleeping compartment and placed a hand on the closed door, it's quiet now and I gently call out her name "Rhea?" There's no answer and I suspect she's pretending to be asleep and so I tell her "I'm about to land on Naboo, should I land in Theed?"

Still no answer, not even to order me about and that's how I know it is truly bad. I was cruel in saying it was a brief love a decade ago, even if she knew the words were a lie the moment I saw the shocked pain in her eyes it felt as if I'd turned a dagger upon my own heart. 

I'd done as she'd asked and done the mercy of leaving so she would not have to, except I'm not as strong as she is, I'm not strong enough to not turn back and run into her arms.

But whilst my own heart is made up, the matter of hers is another. She could very well change her mind, she could decide it is not worth the risks, the sacrifice. She had made that decision before and she could very well make it again. 

Even so, she deserves to know just how I feel, how deep my love for her runs. That it is unlike any other I have ever felt and know I ever will feel. She bared her heart to me and whilst I've attempted to keep mine guarded she sees right through me and I cannot lie to her any longer.

"I'm sorry, for all of it," I tell her and there's no reply but I can feel her listening and know she has far greater worries on her mind than this. Her master ordered her sister to be murdered, and stopping Dooku must come first. "We will finish this mission and make sure your sister is safe, I promise."

With those words I step away from the door only to turn back as it opens and she stands there as defiant as ever, having changed out of her wet clothes into a flowing dress in an attempt to look composed even if her hair is still dripping, even if I can tell she had wiped away tears before opening the door and the moment I meet her eyes I know that no matter what is going through her mind her heart is the same as mine.

It always has been and always will be.

And like that, my decision is made.

~

Rhea

He looks at me differently now, as if he wants to change his mind but I don't let myself be foolish enough to believe it. I only opened the door for the sake of finding even enough ground to continue this mission, reminding myself Padme's life is at stake and I need him with me to end this mess. 

But I can't find words and roughly I push past him to the cockpit to find we're entering the atmosphere, my hair still sopping wet and body aching from Kamino. Not wanting to have to air this out in the middle of Theed I head down towards the empty fields of the Lake Country where there are no humans or Gungans for miles. 

I feel him standing in the entrance and eye his saber on the seat beside me, able to feel both our minds moving as if in hyperdrive but find his heart calm, a calmness that hurts knowing his decision has left mine in shreds even if we both know there is no other way, not without asking him to do what we both know he cannot. 

Even then I wonder if it is possible, for him to not have to sacrifice everything, for there to be another way but there isn't, not if he is to remain a true Jedi. The moment the ship lands I'm moving with an urgency that stuns him, keeping my head down as I move past him and almost stumble out of the ship in my desperation to breathe and upon feeling the Naboo sun on my skin it's suddenly less difficult. Not easy, but I can look up at the sun and feel something other than this pain. 

I can feel his eyes on me as he disembarks the ship, but I could never have anticipated that he has the audacity to continue the torture. "I meant what I said."

I shake my head, not wanting to hear it, unable to hear it again.

"Don't be cruel," I whisper. "Anything but that."

I expect him to reiterate why it's impossible, why it's terrible, why it would destroy us and yet he tells me "I love you."

The context of the words enrages me and leaves me in no state to care for self preservation and so I look at him with little left to lose, wanting to yell but only a weak plea comes out instead.

"Please, don't. You said everything you needed to." We need to finish this mission, and it's for Padme's sake I'm keeping any grace. "This is impossible and we're both fools for believing any different so let's leave it there. I won't bring it up again but I'm asking you to do the same."

He steps forward with determination in his eyes as he tells me "I meant it when I said love isn't enough-"

"Don't," I warn but he doesn't listen.

"I loved you so fiercely all those years ago that I was prepared to fight without care of consequence," he begins. "But I know now that whatever we choose there will be consequences."

I blink at him now in disbelief at what he insinuates, at the slight hope he gives me. "We've made our choice, that a brief love a decade ago isn't worth it. That it would destroy us."

There's pain in his eyes at those words and he repeats my own "It already has, and in those ten years not a day's gone by where I haven't felt the loss of you, as if half my heart has been missing and I know now that it has been."

"Obi-Wan," I whisper, unable to do this again.

"You asked me if I can still love you despite your mistakes, despite the years," he says and I can't breathe. "To love each other as we are now."

He holds my gaze, he can feel my desperation, the deep aching. I loved him all those years ago, but it's not the memory of him that I cling to now, it's the fact I've been falling in love with him all over again since the moment he came back into my life and I do not want to let him slip between my fingers again.

"I'm afraid I don't have a choice in that matter," he continues and I turn my back on him before I can do something I regret, walking away only to feel him grab my wrist and pull me back to him and I'm standing there trembling as his hand brushes my cheek. "Because I do love you as you are now, and perhaps that's why I haven't been able to say it, why I've used this fight as an excuse to end this." My walls begin to crumble as he lays himself out as vulnerable as I am. "But I know now there is no ending this because this bond between us is stronger than anything I have ever felt and here I am now, a Jedi Master, prepared to risk everything for a love I still cannot understand."

I let out a ragged breath and reach for his hand, holding it to my cheek with tears in my eyes. "Obi-Wan..."

"And even now after everything you've told me, all I feel when you touch me is hope," he confesses to me. "Because you are not the only one who's felt alone these past years." There's tears in both our eyes now. "Ever since the moment we parted I have felt that all I am destined for is infinite sadness, and then you come back into my life and again destroy everything I have ever believed in and make me question everything I have devoted my life to, my duty, one touch from you and I want to abandon it all."

And there is the truth and I confess my own "The moment I saw you again, I knew my heart had never stopped waiting for yours."

He lets out a sigh of relief as he nods and his voice breaks "I know darling. I can't understand it. Trying to understand it is like trying to understand the force itself."

I let out an exhausted breath as we stand there, as broken and maddened as one another. "I'm tired of trying to understand it, I just want you."

"And I want you," he tells me, holding my hands in his, but it's with the next words I find myself speechless. "I want to fight for you."

"Obi-"

"I want to fight for us," he declares and I watch now as he once again gets to his knees and looks up at me, time itself seems to stop at what was impossible suddenly becoming real. "I've devoted my life to the order, but I know I'll only live the rest of it in regret if I don't spend the years I have left with you."

"The order," I immediately begin but fall silent at the look in his eyes and realise he truly has made his decision.

"I know you'll never ask it of me, but it is a sacrifice I am prepared to make," he reveals and tears slip down my face as he says "My heart is yours if you'll have it."

I fall down to my knees to take his face in my hands, trembling now as I look at the man I love. "Yes."

That's when he kisses me, both of us succumbing to this madness, the frustration and the longing erupting within us simultaneously in desperate kisses and grasping hands the next thing I know we're on the ground by the ship where there is no one in sight.

"I love you," he confesses to me, my face in his hands. "I love you as you are now, right in front of me, and I can't let you walk away again."

"I love you too," I breathe, exhausted and exhilarated, finally after all these years confessing what we have always known. "It's always been you, it will only ever be you." I search his eyes finally resolute, knowing things I never could have at nineteen. "And I'm not walking away again."

"Neither am I," he swears to me and he brings my lips to his, my fingers knotting in his hair as he groans into my mouth, aching to be as close to him in body and soul as I can be as I'm laid down in a field of flowers with him between my legs, needing me just as I need him. 

I'm breathless as he pulls his robes off over the top of his head so I can feel him, my fingers digging into his warm familiar flesh as his lips find my neck. The touch of him maddening as his fingers work at the laces holding the top of my dress together and let it fall open, hands nowhere near as shy as they used to be as they immediately reach for me and I'm gasping as his calloused hand scrapes over my nipple. My dress ends up somewhere around my hips as my legs come up around his waist, pulling him flush against me and his hand skims the skin of my thigh that's been exposed.

"Please," I breathe, kissing his jaw, able to feel his pulse throbbing. "Please Obi-Wan."

Ten years. Ten years of aching for him. Ten years where no one else's touch could ever come close to his. And finally he's here.

"I'm yours," he swears as his lips find mine. "I've always been yours."

I return the kiss with the same desperation, needing him like oxygen, and I'm suddenly very glad I had enough foresight to choose somewhere completely isolated to land, although I'd assumed it would be for arguing, not this. 

He slips my panties down with far more grace than I give his trousers, the two of us too desperate to even undress fully as he brings my leg up around his waist, grabbing my hand and lacing his fingers with mine, grasping it tight as I help guide him inside of me, more than ready for him. I've been ready for ten years.

He groans as he fills me and my head falls back as I have to adjust to the size of him, at nineteen I might not have realised how well endowed he is but I sure as hell haven't felt anything like it since and from the way he curses in my ear it's clear he hasn't felt anything at all. 

"Language dear," I tease and he laughs breathlessly as I kiss him, only now having slowed down enough to truly take each other in, and he's beautiful. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too darling," he says and kisses me, fingers laced with mine as he makes love to me in a field of flowers, both of us unravelling in each other's embrace and it's only then it all makes sense. This isn't like it was ten years ago, two young people slowly and gently experiencing each other for the first time, no this is ten years of pain and longing finally working its way to the surface with each thrust of his hips and grinding of our bodies and sinful sound.

Raw passion in it's most forbidden form.

And what we cannot put into words we feel as we come undone together, seeing stars and feeling the true wonder of the force as the bond that's laid dormant for so many years comes alive moreso than it ever was before.

His head rests on my shoulder, his breathing ragged as he places slow kisses along my collarbone and props himself up on his elbows, hair dishevelled, looking at me in blissful disbelief that we've once again fallen into this trap.

But this time we laugh, knowing it was inevitable.

"Well, here we are again."

"Here we are indeed."

And lying here together in a field of flowers in such bliss I wish we could stay here forever.

We almost do until he reminds me "As much as I just want to stay here with you, I'm afraid we still have a mission sweetheart."

"I know," I say, still breathless at being with him like this. "When this is over, you and me, we aren't leaving bed for days."

He chuckles, kissing me. "You have no argument from me there darling."

He slowly sits us up, brushing the flowers out of my hair as I lace up the front of my dress and pull it back down before helping him with his robes, both of us laughing at the dishevelled mess we've left each other.

I'm smiling as I attempt to tidy his hair, his cheeks so beautifully flushed beneath his beard and he says "It seems we are the mad ones after all."

"When haven't we been?" I ask him, unable to pull myself away from his bright eyes.

"Well my dear I'm only mad when you're involved," he teases, pulling me into his arms as he kisses me with a passion I don't expect, holding me tight as he murmurs "I don't want to let you go."

"We have time," I promise him knowing Padmé isn't going anywhere and we're smiling in each other's arms as I suggest. "Surely we can spare another hour..."

I'm looking into his bright eyes as if they're light incarnate. There are so many unspoken questions but none of that matters now as he kisses me and the bond between us has been reforged into something stronger than our duty, and potentially more dangerous than we can fathom.

[swbumblebee]

“Stop it.”

Mace Windu was a Jedi Master, and as such had years of training resulting in near limitless patience.

A limit, however, that his closest companion and partner in time-travel was testing with his constant pacing. And huffing.

Plo Koon ignored his request. Mace sighed.

“Would you just sit down? You’re not going to bring them home any quicker and you’re wearing down my rug” he warned.  

Plo looked at him, looked down at the rug, and continued pacing.

“I don’t know what you’re worried about” Mace continued, happily ignoring the sulky silence. “We know their mission goes well, we’ve done this before!” he exclaimed. “It’s a resounding success and half a planet ends up with a crush on Obi-Wan.” He said matter-of-fact.

He felt a reluctant pulse of amusement from Plo in the Force, as much as the man tried to keep it off his face. Mace could always tell.

He stood up, joining him in front of the sofa.

“Nobody gets blown up, nobody gets injured.” He reminded gently. “The Tume agreement is signed, as it is every year, and they both live to worry us another day” he said kindly.

Plo shook his head.

“I know how it went last time. I remember the debate” he corrected. “But things could be different my friend, we have changed the timeline. The smallest difference could be vital, and we have made a very large difference.” Plo explained, in his usual measured voice. “We have altered young Anakin’s temperament; Force only knows that he’ll do. And Obi-Wan has much less to prove.”

Mace frowned. His friend was making some irritatingly good points, but he remembered the two boys standing in the council room not one week ago; a familiar determined glint in Obi-Wan Kenobi’s eye that, in the coming years, would move planets, and Skywalker looking up at all the Masters as if they hung the stars.

“They will not disappoint us” Mace said surely.

Plo stopped.

“I know” he sighed. “I just…worry. It is most unbecoming of a Jedi” the Kel Door admitted.

Mace smiled.

“We are no longer typical Jedi my friend, and you are not the only one.”

It was true. Despite his words of reassurance, waving the two off in the hanger had brought a distinct clench in his stomach, and the training droids in the dojo had had a very long week.

Both froze, two very familiar force presences making themselves known, and not a moment later Mace’s commlink chirped shrilly.

They grinned at each other.

“Windu”

“Master, Knight Kenobi and Padawan Skywalker have just requested permission to land” the unidentified voice on the other end of the call informed them professionally.

“Thank you, Windu out.” He closed the link without a second thought, already grabbing his cloak and joining Plo, standing impatiently, by the door.

“Wait – we can’t both go!” Mace exclaimed, the thought suddenly occurring to him as Plo reached for the door control.  

The other Jedi looked at him, clearly irritated.

“Why not?”

Mace rolled his eyes. One of them had to be sensible.

“Plo, how’s that going to look? Two senior council members waiting for a new Knight and a Junior Padawan? People already think we’re too close” he exclaimed, frustrated with his friend.

Whilst they both had a wildly different attitude towards the A Word (developed over the course of the war and in their new situation) appearances were something they had to be mindful of.

Whilst his expression did not change, the Force around Plo expressed just how much of a toss he gave about appearances.

His friend folded his arms.

“Alright, we can re-convene at the flat later. I will meet them in the hanger.” He said calmly, as if it was some kind of compromise.  

Mace raised one eyebrow.

“Any why do you get to welcome them home?” he asked archly.

“You waved them off” Plo said simply. “It is my turn.”

“Ah that’s not how-Plo!” he cried out, outraged as Plo quickly opened the door and strode out into the corridor, pushing Mace gently back with the Force whilst he made his escape.

Leaving the Master of the Order spluttering at the injustice of it all, in his wake.

---

Plo was working hard to keep his happiness behind his shields as he strode into the hanger just in time to see the temple shuttle land. He ran a critical eye over it, having a sudden vision of Skywalker’s battered old ship in that first timeline. As liable to explode as it was to put the wipers on.

Thank goodness that was a bridge to be crossed in the future. He made a mental note to keep an eye out for Anakin adopting ships.

Obi-Wan ruffled young Anakin’s hair, laughing as the boy tried to squirm away, as they descended the ramp. The playful scowl on Anakin’s face transformed into excitement as he sensed Plo and turned to him, held back from running over for his usual hug by his Master’s lightning quick reflexes, grabbing a wrist and holding him back.

Plo sent a wave of welcome over to them both in the Force as they came closer, a genuine smile on Obi-Wan’s face and Anakin practically buzzing with excitement.

Obi-Wan bowed deeply in respect, clearly nudging Anakin through their training bond to do the same, and the boy hastily followed suit.

Plo held a hand up and nodded at them both as they rose smiling. Both looked absolutely fine, perhaps Obi-Wan a little tired, but Plo had a feeling that was more to do with the energetic ten-year -old he’d just spent a week with, than the challenge of the mission.

“Welcome back” Plo once again pushed his pleasure at them in the Force. Predictably, Obi-Wan’s eyes slid away from looking him in the face, but he smiled gratefully all the same as Plo plucked the bulky pack out of his hands and shouldered it. Anakin nearly skipped as they all headed towards the exit and made for the Kenobi/Skywalker residence.

“Thank you Master, it’s good to see you-“

“Master Plo, it was so wizard we went in a hyperlane and the pilot let me sit up front and Chose was awesome Master it was hailing when we got there, like really hard rain! And they had massive beds and loads of puddings and me and Master Obi-Wan went to a play with singing-“

As the child rambled excitedly on, Plo shared a bemused look with a resigned Obi-Wan, sending him a wave of amused sympathy at him in the Force. Received with a dry raise of the young man’s eyebrows.

It must have been a long week for the twenty-three-year-old.

Content to let the child’s happiness wash over him, and Obi-Wan appearing to enjoy the lack of expected contribution for once, the journey to the flat was mostly uneventful, only a few Jedi casting them amused looks at Anakin’s wild gesticulating.

“Anakin, Obi-Wan!”

They were stopped from keying in the door code by Mace’s cry of greeting as he rounded the corner towards the little group. Ignoring Plo he went straight up to the boys, Anakin beaming at him and Obi-Wan bowing once again.

“Master”

“Hi Master Mace! Guess what? We saw hail on Chose and-

“Anakin” Obi-Wan blissfully interrupted before the whole recount could begin again. “Why don’t we get inside and get the tea on and then you can tell Master Mace and Master Plo all about our mission” he suggested firmly, in a way that was definitely not a suggestion.

“Yes Master”

Obi-Wan keyed in their code and stepped inside, Anakin following happily kicking off his boots by the door.

Mace, still giving Plo the cold shoulder, stepped inside first. And made a distinct noise of surprise. Plo followed curiously looking over his shoulder.

“Obi-Wan – what happened?” he asked, aghast.

Plo held back an unseemly laugh.

The flat was a tip.

There were robes on the floor, he spotted two pairs of boots sticking out from under the sofa and a discarded pack under the table. What looked like the entire Temple’s supply of mugs were scattered on almost every surface, alongside precariously stacked datapads and flimsy piles on the tables and on the floor, some of which had fallen over.

As he picked his way across the room, avoiding random bits of droid and one or two power tools, Plo could spy a half-eaten bowl of cereal on the kitchen counter when he peered inside, and about three days worth of washing up. A laundry basket was sitting next to the washing machine, overflowing with brown and beige.

The two young Jedi stood awkwardly in the middle of the flat.

Obi-Wan flushed a little.

“Ah, we left on quite short notice” he offered.

“I don’t think it’s that bad really” Anakin offered with an awkward shrug, slyly kicking something further under the sofa.

“This is….” Mace was lost for words. Whilst Plo hadn’t spent much time in Master Kenobi’s home the first time around, he had always thought the man to be fastidiously clean, and what he had seen had been very tidy.

Anakin however, was no surprise.

Plo could sense Mace doing the same thing he was, adding “domestic help” to the Obi-Wan Support List. They’d been so focussed on studies and their boy’s personal development they completely forgot that the Knight had never lived by himself before, never mind taken care of a youngling!

Obi-Wan apologetically shoved some pads and an old robe off the sofa to make space and disappeared into the kitchen to put the kettle on.

The two Masters sat down gingerly. Anakin on the floor opposite.

“Your mission was a success?” Plo asked conversationally as Obi-Wan reappeared with the mugs of tea. Plo caught Mace peering at the rim for signs of prior use, and gave him a look.  

“Yeah” Anakin answered before Obi-Wan could get a word in “the Chosians didn’t like me at first but they really liked Master Obi-Wan and they spent ages talking. And people kept giving him stuff.” The boy explained with a disgusted expression. “Flowers and cakes and-“

“Yes thank you Padawan” Obi-Wan interrupted loudly, his ears turning a rather bright shade of pink. Mace smirked at him and Plo sent his partner a mental swat.

Obi-Wan cleared his throat.

“The mission was a success and the Tume Agreement has been updated and signed.” The Knight took a sip of his tea. “We will not need to go back for a while, it should be valid for another ten years” he finished casually as if accomplishing something no Jedi had managed before, on his first mission, was an afterthought.

Mace and Plo shared a look.

Just like last time.

It was a huge relief that their presence had had no adverse effects on the Negotiator’s skills. As Plo sat and listened to Mace congratulate the blushing young man he had a thought.

What could these two, The Team; the best Jedi of his generation and the most powerful force user ever, accomplish with the support of Mace and Plo this time around?

The Sith had better pack their bags. He thought smugly.

---

To get a feel for the whole set up of Obi-Wan Anakin’s first mission when they were assigned it “the first time around” read this Snippet Of Nothing, which is the mission being discussed, and is from the councils point of view. 

[doorsclosingslowly]

There’s someone waiting out there with a mouthful of surprises

The Jedi recovered the bisected Sith apprentice from Naboo and imprisoned him underneath the Jedi Temple. A young Anakin finds the way down to his cell.

Anakin is twelve when he declines one of Chancellor Palpatine’s invitations for the first time. The resulting devastation looks wrong on his kindly old face, and Anakin wants to take it back—besides, it’s just an opera and a glass of bubbly, where could be the harm?—but he remembers golden eyes pleading up at him and then a skull-patterned face scrunched up into a splotch with how hard it’s trying to hide utter desperation, and he repeats his invented excuse.

It doesn’t matter that this one-sided rivalry for Anakin’s attention that has developed between the mutilated imprisoned murderer Sith (slave) he has befriended and the Chancellor of the Republic is honestly deeply stupid, from Anakin’s point of view. It’s not like he couldn’t spent time with them both: his missions with Master Obi-Wan have increased in number recently, but still, he’s been talking to Palpatine once a month and he’s also managed to fit in the regular trips down below to the high security carcer. It’s ridiculous.

But Anakin understands loneliness—and fear and attachment and jealousy and all the other disturbances of the peace he shouldn’t feel—he didn’t have friends for years in the Temple, after all, and it makes sense, at least a little, that Maul is scared he’ll be forgotten down there when Anakin has any other option. Not a lot of sense, because really what he’s saying is that he thinks Anakin so disloyal he’ll just ditch the only real friend he made on Coruscant, and Anakin would get back at him for the insult if it wasn’t for an energy gate perpetually between them and the fact that it’s a just a little bit unfair to tussle with a guy crawling on the floor because he doesn’t have legs… The jealousy is still kriffing stupid, but if anyone knows stupid fears it’s Anakin.

So he declines, and he keeps declining, and two years later the invitations stop.

.

Anakin is eleven when he starts smuggling droid parts down into the top security oubliette underneath the oldest parts of the Jedi Temple. The first time is, in retrospect, a terrifying accident. He’s built a tiny moving starfighter that Master Obi-Wan just glanced at and said, “Well done,” nothing more, like Anakin didn’t need to use pincers to weld the tiniest engine parts together, like he didn’t cast the alloy all by himself. He sulks in his room, the ship buzzing at his head, and then remembers that there’s at least two more people who might like to see. Palpatine is probably busy, and that leaves…

The Sith prisoner is a far more appreciative audience than Anakin’s Master. His eyes glint and widen when he sees the presence next to Anakin’s head, and he even pulls himself off his berth: pulls himself off the edge and tumbles down head-first, and then panting and with his nails dug into the duracrete he drags his torso over to the energy trellis that separates him from Anakin.

He looks up at the droid in childlike wonder.

There’s a tenderness to his questions that he hasn’t shown Anakin up until now, and it’s not just the hoarse panting of exertion that takes away the last dregs of his usual intimidating mien. He wants to know everything, from the full-size model of the ship it was based on to the assembly process to details of every single one of Anakin’s new projects.

“I can—I could feel the movement of the droids I built, in the force,” the prisoner whispers reverently. “They were a constant presence when I was young.”

“Right? Right?” Anakin is excited. The Jedi have been trying to tell him that droids don’t have force presences, and he’s almost believed them by now, but if he’s not alone in feeling it then he was right. Master Obi-Wan was wrong. He knew it.

He brings down the next droid he builds—yes, two days after the first trip he did realize he brought something easily used as a weapon to the dangerous Sith prisoner, but all he did was talk mechanics with Anakin so clearly it’s harmless—and the next and next. He watches the prisoner drag himself across the floor. He sees the abrasions covering the prisoner head to abdomen—covering him on every inch of the body he still possesses—the injuries that he must be sustaining from his only mode of movement. He feels the shame radiate out from the prisoner down on the floor, painful, cloying. He watches him try to play it all down.

One day, Anakin brings down a ship that he designed himself to meet the exact dimensions and functionality of a short humanoid’s prosthetic thigh. He pushes it against the barrier. It moves through.

.

Anakin is almost ten years old, and he knows that down in the bowels of the Jedi Temple there lives a monster. The Sith is caged so deep below that no-one can hear his growls and mutters, his whimpers, his pleas, or so Master Obi-Wan promised Anakin yesterday when he’d worked up the courage to ask about the sounds he keeps hearing whenever he closes his eyes. He’s locked down so deep that the shivering of his despair and the gall of his hatred must be a hallucination. He’s been caged for months, first interrogated daily, then found useless and forgotten. But not by Anakin.

(He saw the monstrous enemy of the Jedi for the first time when he’d just turned nine. It pulled its black hood off its bright head and panicked Master Qui-Gon and Master Obi-Wan, and Anakin was sent away for safety that quickly turned into cosmic warfare. Before that moment, he knows, on Tatooine it tried to run Anakin over with its bike. After that moment, he’d seen the monster—or what remained of it—being carried out of the Naboo palace on Master Obi-Wan’s back, moaning and delirious with pain, but dangerous nonetheless. It had bitten Obi-Wan so hard he’d flung it reflexively to the ground.

Down there, it had begged. “Honor,” it had rasped. “Give me honor. Give me death.”

Master Obi-Wan had picked it up by its arm, and it had whimpered in protest, “I fought with honor!”

Obi-Wan had ignored it. Anakin would have, too; this thing had killed Master Qui-Gon, and whether it had done so with honor or not didn’t matter when Master Qui-Gon was dead. It had killed the Jedi who’d won him, who chose to train Anakin, who was the only guarantor of his future safety, and he didn’t know what would happen now, and he hated it.

It had grown more frantic then, terrified. “Kill me, Jedi, please, when my Master—”

And Anakin had swallowed a cry of shocked recognition.)

Anakin will be ten in two months, and today he’s gonna see the monster again. It’s not the force that calls him down staircase after staircase to the oubliette below the oldest parts of the Jedi Temple. He’d be able to explain if it was the force, if he got caught, he thinks, but that’s not what’s going on. It’s just homesickness, and loneliness, and it is that word.

The way he said it.

Anakin has met more Masters in the last year of his life than ever before, has uttered the word more often than on Tatooine, and he’s doing pretty well, he thinks. He doesn’t flinch with his body when he says it and not with his face either, and even the highest Masters—there it is again—they can’t feel the acid in his force presence anymore.

He greets Master Obi-Wan in the morning and he bows to Grandmaster Yoda whenever they meet.

He doesn’t talk about his childhood. He doesn’t talk much, nowadays, to anyone but Master Obi-Wan or his teachers. He knows he’s weird. He wasn’t on Tatooine, but here… He doesn’t know the things the other padawans do, and his reflexive associations, his interests, his memories shock them. There’s no point, Anakin has learned, in expecting people who can say Master without galling—who don’t need to pretend enjoy it—to listen to him. They’ll never wake up in cold sweat and feel for the bomb that was cut out of their neck, that was injected into it while they were awake and their mother cried, that had so often almost gone off. They don’t cry for their Mom. They’ll only shush him when he talks of his past.

When he talks of his fears.

Of himself.

They’ll never understand him. No-one will. No-one will let him be the Anakin he really is, without fussing over him and muttering and looking like he should know better by now. No-one wants anything beyond the parts of himself he can salvage that are untainted by his past. The parts that don’t remember his mother.

The only person who listens to all of him is Palpatine, and even he often doesn’t know what to say.

No-one will understand, possibly, but…

The monster that lives down below the Jedi Temple had forced out Master like the word tastes of fire and dread.

Like it heralds pain.

The monster is a fellow slave, Anakin is sure. He’s the only being on Coruscant who might understand; the only person who will let him be whole. He’s killed Master Qui-Gon, yes, but he didn’t have a choice, just like Anakin wasn’t allowed to disobey his Master and neither was Mom or Kitster or Beru or anybody else back home.

It was so obvious, the moment he said it.

The monster’s a slave.

Point: Anakin is so tired of having to pretend he never was a slave.

Point also: He just found a map of all the layers of the temple in a garbage chute, wedged in a decommissioned droid’s dataslit. A map that shows the oubliette for ancient evils.

Point also also: Master Obi-Wan’s fast asleep, and Anakin can’t get his thoughts to stop racing.

The monster’s a fellow slave.

Ergo: it’s time to sneak down and make a friend.

What must be hundreds of meters below the current Jedi Temple, at the bottom of the bottom-most staircase, smells faintly of sweat and boredom and despair. The only illumination Anakin can make out is a set of force trellises, and if the schematics he found were right then that’s exactly the spot that he’s looking for.

Pulling his hood down deeper just because it’s chilly and definitely not because he’s nervous and needs something to fidget, he sneaks closer.

Victory!

The Sith’s inside the cell. He looks just like the attacker Anakin remembers, with a red-and-black face and some horns and a scowl. He looks completely different, too: he’s naked, or at least his torso is. The lower half of his body is just missing. Did the Jedi—but no, Anakin can dimly remember Master Obi-Wan mention the way he beat him. That he’s still without prosthetics, even though his scars are well-healed… Anakin knew a woman who’d survived a bomb blowing off her leg, on Tatooine. She lived off of fellow slaves’ charity, for a few months. Her head wasn’t all there anymore from the pain, Mom told Anakin, and her Master had just let her leave. Why invest in a prosthetic when you’re not getting any use from its recipient?

The Sith is doing better than her, at least, even if he’s missing way more flesh. He’s doing pull-ups off the head piece of his callow berth. His yellow eyes gleam in the soft light of the force trellis when he looks over. When he notices Anakin. For a long moment, he looks stunned, and only then he remembers to snarl.

“Hi,” Anakin says.

The prisoner puffs up his defined arm muscles, as well as he can when he’s still hanging off the frame of his bed. He must have decided that dropping down onto his torso—and probably his face—would be even less dignified, though, because he stays put, sweaty and glowering out at Anakin from under his armpit, like he’s desperately trying to look threatening and tough in an unfamiliar situation where the other person has all the power.

It’s a scene Anakin has known intimately for most of his life.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” Anakin says.

A beat.

Right.

“The Jedi didn’t send me,” because in his situation that’s what Anakin would most like to know. The Jedi are not this guy’s slave masters, but they do have all the power over him right now.

“I was a slave too, before they took me here. You can trust me,” and at least that gets a reaction: the prisoner looks absolutely apoplectic and even opens his mouth. Finally! He’s angry, which isn’t ideal—Anakin should have remembered that some slaves don’t want to admit they are—but they’re talking!

But the Sith just closes his mouth again.

He keeps his sullen silence for what feels like hours while Anakin tries one conversational gambit after the other. He just can’t have blown his one chance at talking to someone whose mouth makes the right shape for Master. Anakin refuses to accept that.

But it grows later and later, and Master Obi-Wan will wake up at some point, and he doesn’t have to concede defeat for forever, after all, but maybe for today…

“Fine.” Anakin puffs out his chest. He should say something soothing that’ll buy him a foot in the door next time, but he’s been pleading and pleading, and it hurts. “I don’t even care if you don’t want to talk. I’ve got plenty of friends. Chancellor Palpatine asked me to come over for tea just yesterday!”

The voice is so threadbare that he almost misses it, but it’s there. The Sith clears his throat. He sounds more sure and velvety when he repeats his plea to Anakin. His golden eyes are so wide it looks painful.

“Wait! Repeat what you just said!”

.

Anakin is nineteen when he climbs down into the bowels of the Temple for the last time. He hasn’t slept for two days, barely even closed his eyes, because on the insides of his lids is his mother, writhing, pleading.

No-one up in the Temple can give him any help. All they have to offer is platitudes about Uncertain the future is and Let go of attachment you must, but it’s his Mom, and she’s being tortured! She’s dying! She can’t be dying! She’s Anakin’s Mom!

He’s pleaded to be sent to Tatooine on a mission, but Senator Amidala’s protection detail is more important Master Obi-Wan said, and he can’t just go against the will of his… He can’t go. His Mom’s dying every moment he closes his eyes and he can’t go.

Maul is his last hope.

No-one will even notice that Maul’s gone. He’s been locked up for a decade now, and only the meal droids and Anakin still climb down to his level. Anakin’s friends with the meal droids, too, and he can definitely talk them into keeping silent about the Sith prisoner’s disappearance.

Maul’s a fighter, and he was able to find them on Tatooine and follow them to Naboo so he must be able to find Anakin’s Mom, too, wherever she’s been dragged off to. He’ll be able to save her.

He’ll—

Anakin has already sliced the force trellis control panel and turned it off when the fear grabs him. He’s spilled all his nightmares of his mother’s death, has shared the only plan for her survival. He’s received the assent he was sure to get. Now, he’s helping Maul put on the smuggled prosthetics that have been hidden in the stuffing of Maul’s prison berth, kneeling down before him.

And suddenly, all he tastes in the air is raw hatred.

He flinches. The trellis must have functioned as a shield from Maul’s presence before, keeping Anakin from realizing the true depth of Maul’s anger, the extent of his strength.

He could kill Anakin right now. He could attack the temple, and it would all be Anakin’s fault.

The frailty and humiliations of the prisoner’s mutilated body have lulled Anakin into reacting with kindness. He’s seen a man who is weak, helpless, and of course he offered help.

The cadence of Maul’s voice has made him sound like a friend.

But he’s the Sith who slaughtered Master Qui-Gon.

He’s filled to the brim with hatred and jealousy and pain, the force around them screams, will never release them to meditation like Anakin has tried and tried to do; he’s everything the Jedi Council saw in Anakin that day a decade ago and that he’s tried so hard to bury. He’s a Sith.

He’s warm.

It’s not just the hand he rests on Anakin’s shoulder but the very air he expels. Anakin expected the dark side of the force to be frigid, the way his own loathing and terror have kept him shivering and cold, but this is a hearth: protection, purification, an almost magnetic pull. It wraps around them. He shudders again.

“Do not be afraid,” Maul says, and from the soft look in his eyes he has misunderstood completely. “I shall find your mother, apprentice. You will do admirably while I’m gone. Just remember everything I taught you.”

And then, the darkness curls around Anakin again, hot and possessive. “While I’m gone, don’t talk to Palpatine.”

.

Anakin is twenty-three when he decides to brutally murder the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic. His wife is laying in the delivery room, holding the boy twin—holding their baby boy!—while he strokes her hair reverently, and there is his Mom beside him, holding the girl twin—holding their baby girl!—and next to the door, scowling, stands Maul.

“Do you want to hold her?” Mom asks Maul gently. She knows him best now, and if she decides Maul’s standoffishness towards the twins—his twins!—is shyness rather than dislike, then Anakin will forgive him for not cooing over the babies—his kids! His and Padmé’s kids!—like any rational person would.

“Even His patience runs out one day,” Maul whispers.

Anakin’s hairs curl in shocked recognition, and he doesn’t even need to hear the word, but—

“I told you, Shmi, he started talking to Anakin as soon as he arrived. Somehow I managed to keep them apart, to interfere with the attempts at molding him, but the very fact He showed interest must warn us… As soon as he learns of this birth, and His spies are everywhere…” Maul turns back towards the door, palms laid across it as if he could keep the gate shut. The force burns with shielding hatred. “My Master will come for your children. Soon. Palpatine likes them young.”

[the-witty-pen-name]

Rekindling

Part Two of The Necklace (2/3)

Read Part One Here

Obi-Wan x Reader (f)

Warnings: none; fluff and angst 

Word Count: 1.4k

Based on this Request:

“If you still need that inspiration... maybe an obi-wan thing where he makes the reader a beautiful necklace when they were young padawans and they get separated bc reader goes om a long mission but when they meet again as adults she still wears it and then he confesses his feelings (a bit of anakin teasing his master about his obvious feelings sprinkled in perhaps😂)”

A/N: Like part one, parts in italics are flashbacks! Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you like Part Two! Thanks again to @katevino for the request!

My tags are also now open for anyone who would like to be added! Also my requests are currently open!

Part three will be posted Thursday and will contain smut so this can be read as a two part fic or a three part fic. This one reads like it can be the end even though there is another part coming!

“When are you leaving?” he asked you, tears threatening to fall as they filled the corners of his eyes.

“Tomorrow morning,” you reply unable to meet his gaze so you keep your eyes fixed on the pattern of the tiles on the floor.

“How long will you be gone?” he sniffles, looking back up to you. He puffs out his chest slightly, like he’s trying to prevent strength and you don’t know if that’s for your or his sake.

“Indefinitely,” you respond after a sharp intake of breath to steady your breathing. “Master Yoda said it’s more like a relocation than one mission. I’m to accompany my Master as he is needed on Alderaan. Obi-Wan, I don’t have a choice.”

You weren’t children anymore, and it was so incredibly foolish of you both to have allowed your feelings to overcome you both this way. He had only just returned from Tatooine, the Jedi Consul meeting with Qui Gon-Jinn and the boy they brought back as the two of you spoke. Silent looks of desperation and sadness exchanged between the two of you. You were already torn apart once, and now just as he returns back to you, you are being sent away again.

“Let’s run away together,” he says suddenly, taking your hands.

“Obi-Wan…”

“We can leave the Order,” he begins quickly, letting his emotions completely take control. “We can move far away from here and just be together. We can get married, and just not have to hide anything. I want you, and I always have. I’d leave right now if you wanted. I care more about you than anything else in this lifetime. We can go to Naboo- I know you said you’d always wanted to visit and I promise you it’s beautiful.”

“Obi-Wan,” you say shaking your head, cutting him off. You keep your eyes closed tightly, trying to keep tears from spilling uncontrollably. “No.”

He sighs, but his breath is so shaky. You both are trying your best to find composure. “I’m sorry,” he says finally, resting his forehead against your own.

“I’m going to miss you,” you say, and you just now realize there is a steady stream of tears rolling down your cheeks.

“(Y/N), please,” Obi-Wan says, not entirely sure what he is even asking as he lifts his thumb to your cheek to wipe away the tears.

“We dedicated ourselves to the Jedi Order,” you say, trying to talk yourself out of his plan that you so desperately just wanted to surrender to. “Obi-Wan, we have been so incredibly blinded by our emotions. How can we allow ourselves to be so selfish as the galaxy is faced with the possibility of war?”

“I suppose you’re right darling,” he sighs. You both had responsibilities that weighed more important than your own personal tragedy.

“You should do your best to forget about me,” you struggle to say, stepping back from his embrace. “We should move forward from here like nothing ever- we never happened. Focus and commit to the code we pledged to uphold. It was all a mistake.”

“Darling, loving you was never a mistake.”

And with that, you were gone. Unable to bear being near him for another moment. It was too painful.

It had been ten years since you had last been at the Jedi Temple. As you navigate the halls to find your sleeping quarters, you notice the feeling of home you once felt here no longer existed for you. Perhaps that feeling all those years ago was Obi-Wan, you wonder. Finding your quarters, you survey the emptiness of the room. It was so incredibly sparce, and you imagine how you would decorate it if time permitted you to stay.

You feel uneasy, the Temple now feeling foreign to you when it was once the only place you had ever known. You remember back to that last conversation with him and how miserably you failed to forget and overcome your feelings. You wondered if Obi-Wan had been more successful. He must have, you think, you know Obi-Wan very well and he always excelled in areas of the Force you struggled with. You try your best to let the thoughts of him slip away to the back of your mind and try to get settled.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan and Anakin were just returning back to the Temple. Anakin ruthlessly pestering Obi-Wan with questions.

“I think she is still in love with you, Master,” Anakin said with a grin, happy he was successful in making Obi-Wan flustered. “I sensed something when you two were talking.”

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan replied, “I must insist you stop bringing up these theories of yours.”

“They aren’t theories, Master,” Anakin chuckles, shaking his head at Obi-Wan. “And deep down you know I’m right.”

Obi-Wan sighed heavily, crossing his arms, thinking on how to respond to Anakin. “Anakin, it was over ten years ago. You need to put this to rest.”

“You need to stop running from your feelings, Master.”

“I wasn’t the one who ended things,” he says, exasperated. “She was the one who was stronger than me- she always has been. Now, please, don’t bring her up again.”

“I’m sorry Master,” Anakin says earnestly.

“It’s okay,” he replies with a sad smile. “It’s nothing more than reuniting with an old friend.”

“Of course.”

“I appreciate your concern,” Obi-Wan says, noticing how Anakin is saddened.

“I only care about your happiness, Master,” Anakin replies, the conversation finalized.

Obi-Wan walked back to his quarters, still overcome with memories of what feels like a past life with you. His thoughts weigh heavy as they shift to the realization that you are finally here. How much he longed for a day when you’d return home to him. Now that you were here, and he could feel your presence echoing in the halls again, he found himself disappointed. He spent years hopelessly wishing for you to come back, and the circumstances now add to the harsh realization those hopes will always be just that.

He was meditating when you arrived at his door. The tension in the air between the two of you was heavy as he watched you look around his room. You were just taking a moment to observe what he had on display, the mementos allowing you to form some kind of narrative of the life he’s led since you’d last seen him.

“I’m really happy to be back,” you say finally, your voice cutting through the weighted atmosphere. He pondered his conversation with Anakin. He was so quick to dismiss Anakin’s observation and now he feels a pull at his heart as he wishes that Anakin is correct.

“How do you like it on Alderaan?” he asks, holding his hands behind his back. Part of him genuinely wanted to hear about your mission and the specialty of your work, but it was more of a stall tactic to avoid the actual questions he was dying to ask you.

“It’s not home, but I like it fine,” you smile, looking back to him. Your heart feeling like it’s beating faster than it ever has before. The social niceties and the catching up questions were killing you inside. Your mind was scrambled and you frantically tried to find more to say. You could only think about him, and how he was finally right there in front of you. Looking at you the same way he always had.

“It’s a shame you cannot stay longer,” Obi-Wan says, his eyes looking nervously down on the floor before meeting your gaze again. “I wish we had more time… Oh, (Y/N), things ended so terribly when I last saw you. I feel heartsick thinking about it. I tried to find you the next day, give you a proper goodbye but you had already gone.”

“That was my doing,” you admit, looking down at your feet as he takes a few daring steps closer to you. “I knew if I had saw you again, I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”

“Oh darling,” he whispers softly, pulling you into his chest. His strong arms wrap around you tightly, the familiar warmth of his chest helping to calm you. You hadn’t even realized you had started crying until you felt the dampness of his tunic against your cheek. You rested your hands gently on his chest as he held you tightly, resting his chin on your head.

This feels like home, you say to yourself, the wave of anxieties and clutter in your mind vanishing at his touch. You could stay there just like that forever. Years you spent struggling with your thoughts and emotions, only ever just making them worse, and the one thing you needed was just to be with him- and it was all just so painstakingly clear.

“I’m not leaving you again,” you whisper softly.

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