#Or do something that wouldn't compromise my script

[escapedaudios]

Ever since I've hit 10k subscribers I started getting offers to run sponsored in-video ads. Let the record show that I would rather blow my fucking head off with a rocket launcher than read so much as a single sentence of an advertisement in my audios.

[backjustforberena]

i will join you in your corlys thoughts!

the scene in the last ep reminded me of the scene when laena died, though there was no arguing, it was them both trying to make the other see things from their pov, and when it got hard, corlys pulled away, yet again.

which has always been his way.

corlys loves rhaenys, there’s no doubt about that - it’s clear in the way he looks at her, in the way he speaks to her - but it seems he is a bit self-absorbed in the sense that he can’t be there for her when he’s shaken. how can you be someone’s rock when the ground you’re one is shaken? and obviously he can’t be vulnerable with her. he must carry his house on his back. and if he can’t, he might as well be dead, according to the deleted scripts from 1x10.

i think that scene is the most vulnerable that we have seen corlys be, and it’s by no choice of his own - he’s physically weak, injured, and still he tries to make her laugh. still he tries to comfort her by telling her all the things he thinks she’s been wanting to hear. and when rhaenys sheds a tear, his face, you see him look concerned, can basically hear the “oh shit, oh no, how do i fix this!?”

I think one of the very things that attracted rhaenys to corlys (according to the actress at least) - his masculinity, his macho-ness, his the very thing that is pretty detrimental to their relationship.

(sorry for rambling in your ask box!)

YOU CAN RAMBLE IN MY INBOX AT ANY TIME. Because I think you're right.

I don't think Corlys pulls away because things are hard. Bear with me. I think he's absolutely fine when things get hard because if that weren't the case then they wouldn't be such a unit. It would be a fatal flaw in their relationship if whenever things got hard, he just shut down or ran away. If there are external forces threatening them, then he's in it. If there are people who are messing with them or she needs him to be there by her side, then he will, provided he isn't compromised himself. And we do have examples and instances and a general vibe of them being able to have very difficult conversations with each other and being able to argue fairly and come to a settlement.

However, as I alluded to, these are able to happen when he isn't compromised himself. When they can both come at it as pillars of strength, as robust in their own opinion, when it's fire meeting fire, if you like. The biggest example of that is, as you say, 1x07, and alongside 2x03, they both end with Corlys letting go of Rhaenys's hand when she wants him to stay. It's easy to say that both are also conversations concerning succession, but I think it's more to do with mortality, legacy and, something else important to me, Corlys's emotional vulnerabilities. In both cases, he's wounded emotionally. In 1x07, Rhaenys artfully and bluntly deconstructs his heroic notions and his illusions about the boys and his motivations. In 2x03, the circumstances are far less dramatic but he's facing mounting pressure to step up but also to move on: pick a new heir, come to the council meetings, the Queen needs you etc etc. For all he professes not to be an invalid, I think there's a lot to be said by the fact that he feels he needs to point that out. But he's not processed everything, he's still grieving, he can't shut it away, he doesn't want to consider these things.

But both those episode conversation end in Corlys being shaken. Of him not having the answer, not wanting the answer, not wanting to hurt his wife. "History does not remember blood, it remembers names" and "Then we must hope to…see our way forward, in time. [...] Then… it is well that I am a good sailor" are, I'm sorry to say, absolutely flipping insubstantial things to say. They don't MEAN anything except 'I don't want to talk about it, here is a sticking plaster" because he doesn't know what to do! Does he truly believe blood doesn't matter? Or does he hope and pray that it's true because that's the path they are on? Does he truly think his skills will let him survive this war? Or that they'll have the rational discussion about it all later? Or is he just trying to make her smile and not worry for a second because that's all he can offer her?

He's doing what he can. And he's self-aware. The last thing he wants to do his hurt his wife. It's like he has a physical reaction to her pain. He hates it. And it hurts him when he can't ease it, especially if that's linked up to his own failings or simply he's just not feeling able to. Steve said in press for S1 that Corlys doesn't forget about Rhaenys being passed over and that it looked like he cares more than she does. That can be applied to all of this. He cares that she's hurt. He FEELS her hurt.

To me, two things make him unstuck: one is when his wife is hurting, and the other is when he doesn't know what to do. And when those two combine, so that his wife is hurting and he doesn't know what to do (usually specifically to address that hurt), then it's lethal.

At the moment, he does do so much. He is happy to see her, he spends time with her, he's holding her, loving her, listening to her, they're having sex, they're comforting one another, they're connecting. But what she is asking, however indirectly, from him... He can't do. Because those conversations are going to hurt him and he can't take that pain on. He can't risk failing. He can't risk hurting her. He wants to have those talks. He knows he'll have to. But just a bit longer... if Rhaenys holds on a little longer then he'll be that man again.

I also think that seeing Rhaenys being vulnerable scares him and shocks him. As it is two ways: she's his rock. He's not just hers. So if she's feeling the loss of him... He's also feeling the loss of her. The vulnerability is mirrored.

Which is tragic because YOU GUYS ARE LITERALLY HAVING A LUNCH DATE WITH MUCH PDA.

Anyways, this probably went in circles or I've just regurgitated a lot of ideas from this morning.

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

Why won't you tell them? (Preath x Reader)

Based on this request. Hopefully it's what you were looking for!

Another request completed! I'm slowly working my way through them. This is not edited. Hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: Slight mentions of feelings of worthlessness and not being enough.

Words: 2.2K

"When did this relationship become all about you two? Where's my say in this? Relationships are about compromise and working together, but I guess maybe we're not in a real relationship seeing as there is no compromise, it's all about you two and I get no say."

"Y/n-"

"No, I know you are scared, but you're not even willing to start by telling our family or friends. Do you have any idea how it makes me feel to have my girlfriends not want even a single person to know about us? Do you even realise how worthless and not enough it makes me feel? It feels like you don't care about me or my feelings, like you're ashamed of me, like I'm just a dirty little secret for you to keep hidden away."

I grabbed my bags, heading for the door. Christen and Tobin quickly followed, stopping in front of me before I could leave, "Wait, where are you going? We can work through this."

"My cab is here. I'm away filming for the next month remember? Take this time to figure out what you want and we'll talk when I get back. See you in a few weeks."

They looked like they wanted to say more, but sighed and told me they loved me instead. I didn't want to leave on bad terms, but at this point there wasn't much else to be said. We had been going in circles for weeks now and I honestly couldn't keep doing it. I loved them beyond words, I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else, but I was tired. I was tired of feeling like they were ashamed of me, that our relationship only existed within the walls of our apartment. Hopefully, the time apart would make something change. Even if it wasn't a good change, which I was really hoping it wouldn't be, it had to be better than living with the constant self-doubt and questioning about them and our relationship. 

I stepped around them, stopping just before the stairs. Even if we were fighting, I still needed them to know I loved them. You never know what's going to happen or when the last time you'll see someone is, "I love you too."

---

I hadn't had the chance to read the script for this episode before I got to set. When I finally read it, it was like a punch to the gut. The whole show centered around a couple that was in a secret relationship, one wanted to tell people, but the other wasn't ready. This episode was centered around a fight about it. All it did was remind me about the fight we had before I left, about the uncertainty of our relationship. The only upside to this was it would give me a chance to express my feelings while also making the acting look more real. 

The whole filming of the scene was painful, more often than not leaving me crying myself to sleep at night. I hadn't heard from Christen or Tobin since I left. I missed them like crazy, I was miserable, but we needed space from each other, they needed space to figure out what they really wanted. There had been countless times that I wanted to message them, to just forget about this whole thing so we could go back to how we were. I knew I couldn't though. 

Filming went by quickly and before I knew it the episode was airing. I never watched the movies or tv shows I was in, but I knew Christen and Tobin did. Even without watching it, I knew my emotions were on full display. There had been countless comments from people who watched the show. Most seemed to be focused around the fight scene. It was the scene where I had almost lost control of my emotions completely. The tears and emotion in my voice was real, the scene having taken me back to our fight. The fans had picked up on that with multiple comments along the lines of 'There's no way that acting was fake, the emotions were too real' and 'Something tells me that there were real emotions behind that, who would ever hurt someone as wonderful as Y/n?'. 

Part of me hoped that this would make Christen and Tobin realize just how much they were hurting me. That maybe it would make them a bit more willing to compromise. As much as I wanted the world to know, I would just be happy with our families or friends knowing. Hell, I would just be happy with them acknowledging my point of view and trying to come up with a starting point we were all happy with. As much as I didn't want to admit it, if nothing changed when I went home then I don't think I could stay. Their love and my love for them wasn't enough to outweigh the pain they were causing. 

Christen and Tobin's POV

It had been almost a month since Y/n had left for filming. We hadn't talked since she left, wanting to give her space, but we were also terrified. Maybe she would talk to us and decide that we were done. In a way, not talking to her meant nothing bad could happen yet. We missed her like crazy though, since the start of our relationship we had never gone this long without talking. In a way it was a wake up call. We got a glimpse into what life would be like with Y/n and it was not something we ever wanted or wanted to even experience again. The fear had overtaken us for so long, it was hard to break out of that. Even now without Y/n, it was hard, but now it was clear that something had to change.

We watched every episode Y/n was in. She had come so far since we first met and we were insanely proud of her. What we didn't expect was the episode to be so close to our current reality. The hurt, sadness, anger and tiredness was so real. It hit us hard, like a punch to the gut. We were hurting the women we loved because we were too scared to even tell one person about us. It didn't help that most of the comments were about how real her emotions were, even coming from the team who adored Y/n. Everyone could see something was wrong. Everyone could see the pain radiating off her. Something had to change because if it didn't then we would lose her for good. That thought alone was a thousand times worse than the idea of what people would think of our relationship. 

"We can't let her slip away from us, we can't lose her."

We didn't know when Y/n was coming back, we didn't even know if she was going to come back home when she landed. It took a good five minutes to write the message, but it was time to bite the bullet and just do it. 

Christen: I know we haven't talked since you left and we're sorry. These last few weeks without you or talking to you were absolute hell. We wanted to give you space, not contact you if it wasn't something you wanted right now. 

Tobin: We love you so much Y/n, we are so far from ashamed of you and we're sorry we made you feel like we were. You're not just some secret we want to keep, we want to shout our love for you from the rooftops, but we let fear get in the way. Things are going to change, we swear.

Christen: I know we hurt you and that's something we will regret it for the rest of our lives. We don't actually know when you're back or if you were planning to come home, but please come home when you land, we need to have a proper conversation about this. 

Y/n: I love you too. I'm back tonight, see you then.

"We're doing it, we're telling everyone. The only opinions of our relationship that actually matter are ours. That's something we should have realised a long time ago before we hurt Y/n."

"Let's do it. Let's announce it right now."

We didn't spend much time finding the picture we wanted to use. It was our favourite picture of the three of us. We were cuddled up on the couch, Y/n with a huge grin as we kissed her cheeks. The fear was overwhelming as we typed out the caption, but we pushed through. This was something we were determined to do, no matter how terrifying it was. 

Y/n's POV

I was waiting at the airport with one of my costars, scrolling tiktok to kill time when I was brought back by her practically yelling at me. "What the fuck Y/n?"

My hands went up in surrender, utterly confused as to what was happening, "What did I do?"

She turned her phone around, showing me two separate Instagram stories of pretty much the same thing. It was a selfie of Tobin, Christen and I cuddled up on the couch, both of them kissing my cheeks. Tobin's was captioned, 'A month is too long to be without you, we can't wait for you to get home <3 <3'. While Christens was captioned, 'I can't wait to be in your arms again, hurry home because a month is too long <3 <3'

I felt my heart speed up as I realised what this meant. They had just announced to the whole world that we were together. Without me being there, without talking to me, they had told everyone. They had broken through their fear. A part of me felt guilty though. What if I had pushed them into something they weren't actually ready for? I never wanted to force them into something they really weren't ready for, I just wanted them to actually consider it. I couldn't help but worry that they'll start to resent me for it. "Oh yeah, that. Surprise I guess."

"They're cute. How did you manage to get not one, but two beautiful women to date you when I can barely get one? That's just not fair."

I laughed, genuinely laughed for the first time in over a month, "Beats me, but I'm not complaining."

My phone started blowing up, I muted the notifications, not wanting to deal with it right now. I snapped a quick selfie, showing my luggage in the background before uploading it. 'Hurrying home to you <3'. Then I quickly messaged them so they knew I had seen it and that I loved them. 

Y/n: I can't believe you did that, you didn't have to jump straight to the whole world, but I appreciate it. I love you both so much, I've missed you so much and can't wait to see you. My plane lands at 6, I'll see you at home <3

Before I could even get in the door, a body slammed into me, arms wrapping tightly around me. Christens perfume filled my senses as I melted into her arms. I hadn't even realised how much I had missed them until now. Every time I was away, I missed them, but after not speaking to them for a month, it was like ten times worse. Tears prickled my eyes as I held her tighter, only pulling away to connect our lips in a slow, soft, lingering kiss. Everything I had been missing and craving since I left. The tears were fully falling as I pulled away, taking Tobin's hand and pulling her into a hug. I sunk into it, holding her just as tight as Christen. Our kiss was slightly more wet and salty due to the tears, but just as amazing. Being back with them was like a weight had been lifted. Things had been tense for quite a while, but now I felt the familiar sense of peace that I only ever experienced with them. 

We finally made our way inside, the tears were wiped from my cheeks as Tobin kissed my forehead, "Don't cry baby."

"I just missed you both so much. Let's not go a month without talking again. You're not going to start hating me are you? For making you tell everyone?"

"No. That will never happen, that could never happen. We love you Y/n."

Christen wrapped her arms around my waist, a light kiss being placed against my jaw, "You didn't make us do it, we chose to, we wanted to. You gave us the push we needed to do it, but you didn't make us. We're sorry for how much we were hurting you. We're sorry we ever made you feel like you were worthless and not enough, or that we didn't care. You mean the world to us Y/n, there is no one in this world that is better for us than you, there is no one in this world that we want and love more than you."

"We will never forgive ourselves for what we put you through, but we will do whatever it takes to make it up to you, to rebuild whatever trust or anything we have broken."

I pulled them down onto the couch, enjoying the feeling of having them cuddles against me again, "Yes you hurt me and yes I questioned our relationship, but you didn't break any trust or anything. You don't have anything to make up to me, you already have. You did the thing that terrified you, for me. So please don't beat yourself up for what happened. It happened, we've acknowledged it and now we're putting it behind us and dealing with whatever comes next together."

[i-plague-eater]

It took me long to choose characters but I've ended with Elyon, Orube and Yazoo (from FFVII). First, Elyon.

I like her shaggy hairstyle in cartoon a lot! It is a reason for Kane/Phobos to has his hair so wild! But in a comic book her silhouette is much closer to Weira and they're said to be very look alike, so I've came with a compromise between comic and cartoon versions. Her iconic sweater is a noticeable detail too, plus it's purple and purple always gives a magical and mystique vibe.

I'm not gonna lie: as a kid, I've never been fond of her. As far as I know, most fans say the same as I do: she's too sugary sweet, naive, gullible and never had a chance to kick Phobos's ass. But as she's one of the characters in my fancomic In Breach, I followed my commom approach "You can't have a character in your script and feel a subjective grudge towards them". So I started asking myself why Elyon is acting the way she does. And I've discovered а very interesting fact.

Why she WOULDN'T act the way she does?

She is an ordinary teen girl, not the smartest, not the brightest (when it's not about amazing drawing skills that she share with Hay Lin. I mean, come on!). She isn't the most socially successful, as she mentioned in a cartoon "I'm a teenager without friends" (in rus dub). The ordinary "normal" type. Her only stable relationship is with Cornelia and Alchemy. She's so unnoticed that only Alchemy notified the police that Elyon is missing. And Alchemy is not a teacher, just a classmate. A family has disappeared and literally no one (including neighbors) told to police that lights were off for a long time.

Yes, we see Elyon in a background from time to time and she even says a phrase or two. She's not an outcast type, she hangs with the others BUT every time we see her involved it also involves Cornelia who was most likely the one who invited her. And she's always slightly away from the rest making me think she only does this to mix with her surroundings. We never see her hanging with her own company or even a single friend instead of the main heroes or Alchemy (who's also a Cornelia friend). Or Bryan... but it was a sad and short story. We never see her having a long dialogue unless we know who she really is. It's an arguable point tho as the story is about W.I.T.C.H girls and script writers probably were trying to keep a secret of her true nature.

But when Cedric appears! Unlike her furtive parents that always withhold something and Cornelia who's all about herself (with all the respect to Cornelia), Cedric just... listens to her. He shows compassion, non-judgmental approach and sound sincere. With him Elyon feel being special. Not to mention that Cornelia has betrayed her for Will (we know the reason behind it but Ely doesn't).

And then! Bang! Suddenly Elyon becomes THE special. The only one! She's like Harry Potter who got a letter from Hogwarts, like issekai character, the fucking King Arthur, THE CHOSEN ONE! Common people of Meridian are praying on her, servants are ready to perform any caprice, Miranda is being nice and ready to play with her, her older brother is such a sweet and cheerful person who would do just anything for her. She's like Coraline who found the other mother. And this case is actually so good that it should be in a video "How and why people fall for abusive relationship or being lured into a sect".

The only thing she can be accused is being too gullible but she acts as a person who grasps any straw. Who would you choose? Parents who lied to you for your whole life? Fake friends who replaced you with a new girl.

We can go deeper here. Remember the first scene with Elyon in a comic book? She got a low grade and instead of supporting her, her "friends" invent a humiliating punishment to hit on a stranger. Although they know she's quite shy! What a nice company we have here, don't we?

Don't get me wrong, teenagers may show low empathy due to their age. Cornelia isn't a bad person too. She's the most loyal friend one might only dream of! Both in a comic book and cartoon she stays at Elyon's side and refuse the idea of her friend being evil. Although Elyon did a lot in a comic book to be judged. Cornelia risks her own life to get to her. BUT she's still quite an narcissist type. Such people attract very specific friends: those who always stay in their shadow, never a threat or a competitor. You can see others confronting her in either passive-aggressive form or trying to show her a place like Irma does. But Elyon was with Cornelia since they were small kids. I have a theory that Elyon actually wins from it too: she seem very "normal" by hanging with a popular friend who would invite her to every party. And literally no one can say no to Cornelia, right? And Elyon seem present in the society. And at the same time she actually isn't.

So here's the whole picture: Elyon isn't a scapegoat outcast like Martin, she isn't labeled as "odd" like Hay Lin. BUT she's not a successful either. She's a blank one, that average conformal person that does their best to suit "normal" standarts. She's short on social contacts, she's breadcrumbed by Cornelia and has no friends outside her pack. As we remember, Alchemy is also Cornelia's friend. Both Browns are hideous, insanely quiet people who made a very, very isolated, incapsulated family to the point that no one even notices their absence. They do their best to lay low and they teach Elyon to act the same way (we know why, but it's quite unhealthy thing you know). I bet Eleanor is quite unhappy with Ely's marks, but I'm not sure if she's strict about it. She's been shown as a good parent in both comic and cartoon. Although the way Elyon agreed to throw them in prison in a comic so easily is something that keep my brain buzzing.

Sooo my idea is that her reliance problems has started long before the cartoon events. Her social contacts never worked properly to begin with and that's why Cedric got her so easily. Not to mention his speech skills. Elyon was a quiet, shady kid with a certain tendency for escapism. Drawing on her level is quite a specific trait that requires a lot of time spend alone and some wild imagination. I think while she never shows this in a cartoon and probably suppressed it, she was really envy of Cornelia, Irma, Hay Lin and even Taranee having huge and nice families, lots of friends and being very bright people. While she's... on the sidelines. There's a thick wall of white lies between her and her parents. She's... no one. Only Cedric shown her what being heard and important is.

Although all the above is cool, it makes her a bit bland to my personal taste. So in my AU called In Breach I given her a bit salt and spice by returning her some of her comic characteristics. I see her as a stalker type, very jealous and vengeful, but too afraid of showing aggression and staring a feud. She would write some really nasty fanfiction about her foes and spread rumors, make ugly caricature on Grumper sisters. Might even play a nasty prank on someone if she can get away unnoticed. But nothing violent, just humiliating.

So, imagine this lost envious girl stumbling across another narcissist. Different from Cornelia, quite a violent type. The one who seem to be afraid of no one. Like, literally not a single person can tell him what to do - even the police (on a first glance. In reality, he's afraid of jail as fuck). The one who questions the moral, the normality, the good and evil. AND telling her this is what she can and should be. WELL WELL WELL WHO COULD THAT BE)

Also, a song that must be a soundtrack for her kicking Phobos's butt in a cartoon.

[hunterssm00n]

Find You

One month after the events of SOTL but before Hannibal (2001): Clarice Starling is an FBI agent on the hunt for one Doctor Hannibal Lecter, and she reflects on their strange connection. | Hannibal Lecter/Clarice Starling |

also on my ao3: here

*cw mild language*

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hunterssm00n © All rights reserved by me. I do not allow this work to be used or adapted in any way without my permission.

I look for you in the center of the sun / I took a pill but it didn't help me numb / I see your face even when my eyes are shut / But I never really know just where to find you...

"You're dancing circles around me You're fucking crazy Oh oh, you're crazy for me Oh oh, you're crazy for me..." ~ 'Cruel World' - Lana Del Rey

X.x

"Starling. Starling. Starling. A bird with strong wings and feet, capable of flying great distances. Often bears a dark complexion with a vague, metallic sheen coating it's feathers... as if it were dipped in oil. Wouldn't you agree, Clarice?"

"Well, of that I'm not sure, sir. I don't think I've ever seen one; none that I would be able to identify, at least."

"An interesting creature - most phylum cordata usually are. Are you at all interested in the study of species?"

"Sure, I guess, but not of the animal variety, Doctor Lecter."

"Ahh, because there are different species of human, right you are. Is that why you chose to become a figure of law enforcement, Clarice? To study the sea of moral defecation around you, and to try to cleanse the world of it?"

"Mm, when you say it like that, it sounds more like you're describing a scientist, to me. Or maybe a doctor."

"But we are all scientists to our own right, aren't we, Clarice? And doctors are really just glorified scientists, schooled to understand the inner workings of something and to try to find medically accurate compensation where there is a lack. Officers of the law do this as well, but not in the biological sense - more so in the social sense. They weed out those cancerous forms that attempt to spread evil unto the world; cut them out with the steel scalpel of To protect and serve. This requires some science, Clarice. You have done your own studying of the world."

"I have. We all have, sir."

"Sir. Doctor Lecter. So polite. Society lacks manners, nowadays. It's only gonna get worse from here."

"Not a very positive outlook for the future."

"I have hopes, but not high ones for society. Can you really blame me, Clarice? What with people like Buffalo Bill wreaking havoc in different parts of this cruel world?"

"With all do respect, Doctor, one could look at your actions and say the same."

"Mmm, clever girl. Too clever. You don't agree to fight violence with violence? Survival of the fittest? You'd likely lay your body down to form a bridge for those less fortunate, Clarice, and they would end up collapsing you to climb their 'lil selves on up that laddah."

"But you can't fight fire with fire, either, sir. There has to be some sort of balance."

"And if they're not willing to compromise, Clarice? If they are not as sympathetic as you, then what?"

"I guess I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it."

"Starling. Birds are quite impressive creatures, aren't they? The starling itself isn't widely known, but it is a clever little creature indeed. Strong little wings, sturdy feet with which to stand. It also has the ability to mimic the sounds of other animals that it hears - sometimes even the vocal sounds of humans."

"This is very interesting, Doctor Lecter, but I'd really like to get back on topic."

"Does it sound like I'm describing you, Clarice? Do you repeat the things you hear from higher-ups in the department? Has Jack Crawford made you his puppet?"

"What do you think, Doctor? You've studied me at every meeting. Do my words sound like they've been scripted? Do they sound like they would ever come out of Jack Crawford's mouth?"

"No, Agent Starling, they do not. You are indeed a creature all your own."

"So if I am a Starling, sir, what are you?"

"That depends on you, Clarice. I am either the cage keeper, or the one who opens the door and sets you free. The choice is yours."

X.x

"Clarice?"

Her face hurt; felt like it was being mushed against a hard surface. The voice broke through the darkness she had fallen into, and now she was slowly coming back to the world of consciousness, very slowly.

"Clarice,"

She groaned with the effort of opening her eyes; her head felt as heavy as a bowling ball on her thin neck as she tried to raise it. When her eyes fluttered and focused, she noticed the light brown of the smooth top of her desk to the right of her vision. Lifting her head more, she realized it had been resting on the black and white mug shot of Hannibal Lecter in an old newspaper. She'd actually fallen asleep while working. All throughout school she hadn't even done that.

"Jesus," Came a female voice from behind her - probably Ardelia wondering where the hell her partner had been.

Clarice lifted her head all the way up off the desk, wisps from her ponytail sticking to the side of her face that had been covering the newspaper. She absently wiped a hand across her cheek, wondering if it would come away with gray smudges from the newspaper that were probably printed onto her face. Being so close to Doctor Lecter's mugshot on the paper, she noticed that the two dimensionality of the black and white photo did nothing to diminish his stare. It was as if he was staring into the soul of whomever was holding the paper - like he was staring into her soul once again.

Clarice turned around in her chair to face the woman whom she roomed with, Ardelia. Ardelia had graduated the academy shortly after Clarice had, and until they could each afford their own stable homes, they decided to share an apartment to help build their individual savings. They knew each other well - they'd survived the academy as roommates and knew they could live with one another (and only wanted to kill each other on rare occasions). They were now best friends, and knew almost everything about each other, so Ardelia was probably not surprised that even on their day off, Clarice was still working.

The other woman would have only been surprised if it was any other case she was working on.

"Girl, you look rough," Ardelia commented, not unkindly. Rather than suggest food or rest (or a therapist), she knew Clarice well enough to know that those questions would not phase her. Instead she asked: "Any leads?" Clarice appreciated her for everything she said - she knew the other woman was only looking out for her.

"Um," Clarice looked down at the small drool stain slowly seeping into the paper right next to Doctor Lecter's mug shot. "Not yet, today." She rose from the chair and stretched, groaning as her neck cracked from being at the odd angle when her face rested against the desk. How long had she been like that? "Any idea what time it is?" Apparently she'd removed her watch at some point too. God, she was never this disoriented.

"A little after twelve," Ardelia had checked her own watch, peering around Clarice at the desktop. She, herself, was all dressed up - dressy casual in nice black pants and a sweeping flowery top. Clarice had known she had a date this morning - brunch at a little diner in town with another agent that had graduated from the academy.

"How'd it go this morning?" She'd been out with this guy a few times, and Clarice could sense a brewing romance.

"Great," Ardelia replied, picking up the newspaper that lay flat on the desktop, "We're gonna catch a movie later tonight too." She moved the paper closer to her eyes, then brought it back down almost as soon. "He's one hell of a creep, huh?"

Clarice nodded, remembering back to the first time she had met him; the way he calmly stood in the middle of the cell, staring through the glass like he'd been expecting someone. The way his eyes lit up when they settled on hers - like he'd been expecting her.

Ardelia gave an exaggerated shudder and set the paper back down on the desk. "How do you not have nightmares?"

Clarice glanced at the photo, shrugging non-committedly, "I guess I'm just used to it now."

The truth was, she did have nightmares - she just didn't believe that he was the source. Most of the time it was the death of her father; the lambs screaming in terror as they were lead to the slaughter. It didn't happen every night, but enough that she had become used to waking up in the middle of the night, the blankets drenched with her sweat and tears rolling down her cheeks.

The only one she'd ever told about that was Hannibal Lecter. He was the only person in her life who'd ever thought to ask such dark questions.

What she also hadn't told Ardelia was that she did dream of him. Every single night. Not all of them were nightmares, though he somehow wound up in those as well. Sometimes it was simply her walking down the long stretch of concrete in the basement of the asylum; past the jeering, howling inmates in their cells. Some of the cells had lambs in them - some of the inmates were holding little lambs, and that was why they were screaming. Clarice knew he was at the end of the hallway; she just had to walk past this chaos to get to him. Finally, as always, he was waiting there, much like he had been the very first time she'd seen him, except he was much closer to the glass this time. He was awaiting her arrival, and she was anticipating the sight of him. He would smile salaciously at her, and raise a hand to the glass, pressing his palm against it. Stepping closer to the glass, she would raise her own hand and mirror his movement, placing it over his as though there was no glass between them. They would stay like that for three seconds, looking each other right in the eye. He would smile, and she would feel her lips begin to do the same. And then she would wake up.

At the moment, that dream was the most recurring in her mind. She couldn't remember what she had just dreamt about when she'd been asleep a few moments ago, but she would bet her life he had been in it.

She had to find him.

She had to find out why he occupied her every waking thought.

"Christ, I'd never sleep again if I had to be the one to talk to him. You've got nerves of steel." Ardelia commented, kicking off her shoes. "I'm gonna jump in the shower real quick. Do you wanna come to the movie later on too? We could grab one of the other guys to come, keep you company." The woman winked at her, and Clarice rolled her eyes with a smile.

"No thanks, I'm actually gonna go out myself; run some errands, exercise a bit."

"Oh great!" Ardelia looked relieved that her friend was actually leaving the apartment for a reason other than work. Clarice felt bad that she worried her so, but she couldn't stop what she was doing. It had become a mania. She had to catch this man.

Clarice padded into her bedroom to get dressed - she wanted to put her most comfortable workout clothes on. She didn't tell Ardelia that she was still hoping to find something to point her in the right direction. She had searched high and low, found a few things along the way but nothing very significant. She couldn't let him disappear anymore than he already had.

She stripped off her clothing - just an FBI t-shirt and a pair of matching sweatpants she used for pajamas. She was pulling a long sleeved shirt over her head when she saw it - something out of the ordinary. It lay on the top of her comforter, a folded up piece of paper. It wasn't white printer paper, but a cream colored thick paper, like something artists used. Clarice swallowed hard, moving across the carpeted floor to her bed. There is no way... Or was there? There was only one person that she knew of that would leave a note for her with that kind of paper. Artists parchment.

"You sonofabitch," she whispered, reaching out and gently grasping the paper as though she feared it would crumble between her fingers. Her hand trembled slightly as she brought it up off the comforter, but not out of fear. She would never admit the emotions that stirred within her - not in a thousand years. Not even to herself. Slowly she opened the two flaps so that the page was expanded to its fullest extent. It was only folded in half once, and when she opened it she could see why. There was a graphite drawing of a woman holding a baby lamb. The amount of shading and detail that was on the page, which wasn't bigger than 8x5 inches, was incredibly impressive. Not that she was surprised. The artist once told her that his memory had been all he had during his imprisonment. She knew he had an incredible eye for memorization and detail.

What did startle her a little was that the woman in the picture was her. The likeness couldn't have been more accurate - it was like she was looking into a mirror. It momentarily stunned her as she stared into her own eyes, her own arms cradling the tiny lamb to her chest. In the drawing she had what looked to be a cloak wrapped around both of them, leaving her shoulders bare but modestly covering every other part of her.

The second clear thought was that the person who had so carefully placed the note on her bed had to have snuck in sometime within the past two hours, because that was about how long she'd been asleep for. The person who had snuck in had to have meticulously calculated when she would be alone in the apartment - was he trying to time it so that she would be asleep? Had he thought he could catch her while she'd been awake? A million different questions ran through her mind, all at once, leaving her breathless.

The third thing she noticed, the most telling feature of all, was the short inscription on the bottom left side of the page, written in thin black ink.

"Liberty for wolves is death to the lambs."

~H.L.

౨ৎ

AN: I do not own the SOTL/Hannibal franchise or any of its characters. I also do not own the song ‘Cruel World’ by Lana Del Rey, or the song ‘Find You’ by Nick Jonas. The above photos are from Pinterest, and attached are the links to the original images.

[kazarinn]

Future subbing plans

When I first put Hurricane Touchdown out three years ago (goodness, has it really been that long already?!), I wasn't really planning to make fansubbing a regular thing, but after having worked on the Saint Tail project enough, I've started getting a little more used to it, so I decided to put a little more proper thought on what I want to do with it. This post will only be here, so my Tumblr followers can consider this to be an exclusive scoop ☺️

Regarding Hurricane Touchdown: As probably many of you know, Discotek Media recently announced an upcoming release of the first three Digimon movies, which, naturally, will include the Japanese version of Hurricane Touchdown. As is etiquette for fansubbers, I will be removing the download links for the Hudie release once that drops. However, I will be leaving the translation script file accessible to preserve the hard work done on it, and to leave it accessible for anyone who can't use the Discotek version for any reason (importation issues, region locks, etc.).

Raw script files can still be used with videos by putting them in the same folder as the video and giving them the same name, and the transcript is very easy to open with any standard text editor, so I think this will be a good compromise to keep the translation accessible and easy to reference. This is a workflow I started using with Saint Tail due to the unusual nature of its localization situation, but it's something I think I want to consider making use of going forward as well.

Regarding Saint Tail: Nothing really special to report here; I'll be releasing and revising sub scripts as usual until I've finished the series (I'm hoping to get it done by the end of the year). I haven't made a firm decision as to what will happen after that, but since it is a fact that the official release still has serious translation problems, I do think I want to do something to address that a little more aggressively once it's done.

Regarding Digimon Adventure 02: The Beginning: Based on the US screenings of the movie, it seems that the official English subtitles for the Japanese version are actually a transcript of the English dub, but with Japanese names swapped in. Surprisingly, this isn't as much as a detriment to the translation as you'd think it might be (the English dub script seems to be surprisingly close to the Japanese script, rather unusually for Digimon standards), but nevertheless, this is extremely bad translation practice and offends me on a personal level. As such, if future releases turn out to still be using this translation, I am considering making my own subtitled script for it.

For the record, because of how close the English dub script is to the Japanese script, I don't think this is actually that much of a detriment to understanding the movie; in fact, I would argue that LAST EVOLUTION Kizuna's official English subtitles are far worse and mistranslated in a more dangerous way. A theoretical The Beginning fansub would be, at most, something that would be done to satisfy a personal pet peeve and to address some minor loss in nuance that isn't reflected in the dub script, especially in regards to the Chosen Child partnership lore it presents (something that I know can be quite a serious issue to a lot of Digimon fans). So I'm not going to make guarantees about whether I'm going to do it in the end, and I wouldn't get your hopes up if I were you, but I do at least want people to know that this is an issue and that I currently have this idea on the table. As with Hurricane Touchdown, if I do put this out, it probably would be in script-only form.

As a side note, I do plan on translating The Beginning-related material (interviews, etc.), but I would rather put them up at a time when a sufficiently large percentage of fans has actually seen the movie. If you're from a non-American country and your country will be having a screening in the near future, please reply to this post with the date so I can get a good idea of when people will be watching it ☺️

[patchworkpiratebear]

My first ever try at writing fanfic! A micro script for a silly scene (set in season 1 or 2? I'm not even sure!)

-

-

-

(The crew are on shore leave, hanging around in a comfy pub. Stede & his new pal Sam Bellamy are sitting close together on a small sofa, chatting animatedly and laughing. Ed enters the room.)

Ed: "Eh? What the fuck, Stede?! You could have let me down gently, if you're not interested!"

Stede: "If I'm not interested in what?"

Ed: "Interested in me, you dick! Could have fucking said something."

Stede: "Of course I'm interested in you, Edward! You're the MOST interesting person I've ever met!"

Ed: "Well, uh... yeah, thanks, mate. But that's not what I meant! I thought you were INTERESTED, like... in us maybe being... sort of... together...?"

Stede: "Whatever do you mean, Edward? We ARE together!"

Ed: "What, you're with this guy? That was bloody fast, you only met him today!"

Stede: "What? No, dear, I'm with you!"

Sam: "Uh... Stede? If you two are an exclusive couple, why have you been flirting with me all evening?"

Ed: "We're a couple?!"

Stede: "I was flirting?!"

Sam: "Ok, sounds like you guys need to have a bit of a chat... I'll leave you to it..."

Ed: "Stede? ARE we a couple?"

Stede: "Yes? I mean, I hope so! I mean, I thought so? Do you... would you like to be?"

Ed: "YES! Fucking hell man, this is brilliant! So... when do you think we got together? You never mentioned it, you absolute nut."

Stede: "Why would I mention it? I thought you knew, I thought it was your idea! Two weeks ago, Edward, don't you remember? You gave me those lovely flowers! And you said such sweet things..."

Ed (fondly): "Yeah, I was totally flirting with you, ya lunatic... didn't realise you thought we'd got beyond that point. No objections though!"

Stede: "Sam, I really am terribly sorry! I didn't realise my conversation had implied romantic overtones. So impolite of me to proposition you like that, you must think me a dreadful cad."

Sam: "It's fine, man, I really didn't mind. Like, at all. Ok... night night chaps. Good luck..."

Stede: "Oh, um... in that case, thank you? So, I should apologise that I was not in fact 'making a pass' at you?"

Sam: "All good. I'll just... Yeah, bye."

Lucius & Pete, from across the room: "Hi, handsome, care to join us?"

Stede: "Well, Edward, sounds like we have plenty to talk about! Come up to my room to discuss this in private?"

(They go up to Stede's room.)

Stede: "Bit cosier in here, yes?"

Ed smouldering-bedroom-eyes Teach, looking Stede up & down: "Yeah, this is great."

Stede completely-oblivious Bonnet: "Wonderful! Now, we really must decide what date to count as the anniversary of us getting together. What with me thinking it was a couple of weeks ago, and you thinking it's today. We could maybe just compromise and celebrate both?"

Ed: "Sure thing, mate. Both sounds good. Wait... you actually literally meant you wanted to talk in private, didn't you?"

Stede: "Well, yes, I thought it would be easier? We can go back downstairs if you prefer though?"

Ed: "Nah, this is fine. So... you want to discuss our anniversaries...?"

Stede: "Indeed! Do you think three per year is too many?"

Ed: "What? Why three?"

Stede: "For when we make it official, I mean. Won't be any room for uncertainty on the exact date of that, I wouldn't think! So, we'll have three anniversaries each year. Is that too greedy?"

Ed: "Stede, my love. My total fucking lunatic. We can have an anniversary every bloody week if you want! Every day even!"

Stede: "Oooh, every week sounds good! Daily might be a bit excessive I suppose..."

Ed: "So... if I wait a week before snogging your face off, does that work well as another anniversary...?"

Stede: "Oh. Oh dear. No, that won't do at all."

Ed: "It won't?"

Stede: "I really don't think we need to wait that long, do we? Maybe today could be a sort of..."

(Both): "...multi-purpose anniversary?"

[destinyc1020]

She said I'm done promoting this stupid movie lol

https://twitter.com/21metgala/status/1760043364961980817?t=FM9lVeo7tQDRtdhBV8oahw&s=19

Sony, I have no words,such a disaster,I'm afraid for spiderman 4 now,they will drag it like they want it,bc they need money

X

ROTFL! She said, get me out of here and let me go on vacation with my man! LOL 😅🤣

That movie was a disaster smh...🤦🏾‍♀️ I actually wanted it to do well lol. Like I said before, I have nothing against Sony. I don't hate Sony with a vengeance like most Spider-Man fans lol. I LIKE to see people win. I like a well-done movie. But that movie Madame Web was one I couldn't in good faith say was a good movie lol. I'm sorry lol...

RE: SM4....

I feel like something is going to have to give eventually. I don't see how both Sony AND Disney/Marvel are going to be able to get their way. They will either each have to compromise, or go their separate ways.

Honestly?? If Sony would just do a a GROUNDED, street-level Spider-Man film with Tom's Spider-Man for Part 4, I wouldn't mind seeing them detach from the MCU.👀 Now that the OG Avengers are dead, I really don't need Tom's Spider-Man attached the the MCU. JMHO. I know I'll get pelted with tomatoes for saying that, but I've been feeling this way for years. The MCU has become so complicated over the past several years, and I would actually like to see Peter Parker/Spider-Man fighting is OWN battles w/out Ironman and any other "surprise" Avengers coming in to save the day for him.

If Sony could just do a stand-alone Spider-Man Movie with Tom just like they did with Tobey and Andrew's franchises, I actually wouldn't be mad at that! But it seems like everyone wants to attach Tom's Spider-Man to OTHER projects and future films (or other actors) in order to keep the hype and money flowing. They need to work on creating a GREAT script FIRST, and then worry about the future imo.

Just because NWH had Tobey and Andrew in it, it doesn't mean that every single Tom SM movie has to now include Tobey and Andrew! You're not going to get the same fanfare for SM4 with Tobey and Andrew being in the film "just because" like you got for NWH because NWH was a resolution to a buildup that took years to do and 2 prior films to develop!

I honestly don't know what Sony OR Marvel are thinking smh. 😩

[rejectedbad]

Rejected Bad: Castle

The following is a rejected script from an early season of Breaking Bad.

INT. JESSE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Walter and Jesse sit on the couch, surrounded by stacks of cash. Jesse excitedly flips through a home design magazine.

JESSE: (whispering) Yo, check this out, Mr. White. Look at these insane castles, man!

Walter glances at the magazine, eyebrow raised.

WALTER: (uncertain) Jesse, are you serious? Castles?

JESSE: (grinning) Yeah, man! I mean, we've made some serious bank with our little business venture. We gotta do something with it, right? Let's build our own castle!

Walter ponders Jesse's suggestion, giving it some thought.

WALTER: (sceptical) Jesse, you know I appreciate your enthusiasm, but a castle? Seems a bit extravagant, don't you think?

Jesse's eyes light up, trying to convince Walter.

JESSE: (casually) Nah, man. Think about it. Castles are badass! We'll be like the kings of our own empire. Plus, no one's going to mess with us when they see our castle shining on the hill.

Walter leans back, his mind beginning to wander.

WALTER: (sly) Let's say we did build a castle, Jesse. What would be the purpose of it? Why would we need one?

JESSE: (raising an eyebrow) Well, I mean, we could, like, throw epic parties and stuff. But also, uh… it could be, you know… like a fortress, man. A safe place for all our… assets.

Walter narrows his eyes, suspecting Jesse's true intentions.

WALTER: (mocking) A fortress for our assets, huh? Jesse, if we're being honest with ourselves, wouldn't that just be a fancy name for a… torture dungeon?

Jesse squirms, trying to defend himself.

JESSE: (defensive) No way, man! I wasn't thinking like that at all! I just thought it would be cool to have, you know, secret passageways and stuff. But, uh, yeah, maybe…

Walter smirks, realising he has struck a nerve.

WALTER: (teasingly) Ah, Jesse, my dear partner. Always full of surprises. You want our own castle to become Heisenberg's secret lair, don't you?

Jesse grins, admitting his true desire.

JESSE: (slyly) Well, when you put it that way, it does sound pretty badass, yo.

Walter chuckles, appreciating Jesse's honesty.

WALTER: (laughing) Alright, Jesse. If we're going to build a castle, it won't be solely for nefarious purposes. But we can sneak a few secret rooms and hidden passageways in there to eat my victims. How's that sound?

Jesse's eyes light up, ecstatic with Walter's compromise.

JESSE: (enthusiastically) Oh, man, that sounds dope! We'll be like the kings of the meth world, hiding in our own castle!

Both Walter and Jesse share a moment of excitement, envisioning the possibilities of their grand castle.

FADE OUT.

[nocturnal-obsessions]

It was a chilly evening when a summons arrived for her, bearing Professor Snape's signature in elegant, sweeping script. The message was brief but carried a sense of urgency, instructing her to meet him in his office immediately after her last class of the day. As she made her way to his office, apprehension gripped Dynis. A part of her was looking forward to this meeting, the mere thought that they would be alone in that room sent a shiver down her spine. But there was that reasonable part of her that she couldn't keep quiet that night - it was reminding her that she had done something terribly stupid. The corridor leading to Snape's office felt like a long, winding path to an uncertain destination.

When she arrived at the door to his office, she hesitated for a moment, her heart pounding in her chest. She took a deep breath to steady herself before knocking gently.

"Enter," came Snape's unmistakable voice from within.

Dynis pushed open the door and stepped into the dimly lit room. Snape was seated at his desk, his dark eyes focused on a parchment covered in elegant, looping script. He looked up as she entered, his expression unreadable.

"Miss Arden," he greeted her with a nod. "Please, have a seat."

She took a chair opposite his desk, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. The room seemed to close in around them, the air thick with unspoken tension.

"I will keep this short. Your head seems to be filled with feathers this year, Miss Arden, so I am sure that this conversation makes me more uncomfortable than you," he began, his voice measured and calm, though it still held some bite. "I will be clear, Miss Arden, that it is wholly inappropriate for a student to harbor such feelings for a teacher."

Dynis nodded, her gaze fixed on her hands. "I understand, Professor. I never intended for any of this to happen."

Snape continued, his tone grave. "By acting this foolishly you are compromising both our positions here. You are young and barely have a coherent thought, I'm sure that being expelled wouldn't feel very drastic," every spoken word felt like a smack on the back of the head for Dynis. "But for me, this position is everything. Do you understand? I will not allow you to do anything to ruin this. You will put such thoughts away and will not speak of them ever again. Is that clear?"

Her heart ached at his words, and she looked up, meeting his gaze. "I promise, Professor, that I will focus on my studies and will never act inappropriately toward you again."

Snape regarded her for a moment, his eyes searching hers. Then, with a nod, he said, "That is a wise decision, Miss Arden. It is crucial that you prioritise your education."

But as the conversation continued, a spark of determination ignited within Dynis. She couldn't simply suppress her feelings and pretend they didn't exist. There was a fire within her, a yearning that had grown too powerful to ignore.

"Professor," she began tentatively, "I promise to stow away my feelings for now, but… once I graduate and experience the world, I will return."

Snape's eyebrows furrowed, and he regarded her with curiosity hidden by caution. "Return for what, Miss Arden?"

She met his gaze with unwavering determination. "To seek you out, Professor. When I am no longer your student, when I have seen more of the world, I will find you. And then we'll be on equal terms."

Snape's expression remained inscrutable, but there was a hint of something in his eyes. Resignation, exasperation? Whatever it was, it seemed like he had no patience, or strength, to keep talking to her that night. He waved her away and Dynis left his office, with a stupidly self-satisfied smile on her face. For the first time, she knew what she wanted to do with her life.

[daveinediting]

It's definitely a new experience watching a production spin up online through conversations and photographs, the evidence of a production team working hard to tell a story on the fly... a process that's its own fascinating story.

It also helps me make predictions about my own day.

The morning was, as expected, an exercise in absorbing the script. Reading and making notes. Reading and making plans. Reading and setting up the project in Premiere Pro. Thinking about what's coming my way and how I'll want to engage with it. And so on.

The morning was also about semi-front row seats to the work of two other professionals: the composer and the graphic designer who both got a head start on the day leaving me about 6-8 hours behind. The graphic designer took their cue from the producer about opening titles that also suggested the design for close credits. The composer sketched out some ideas first thing upon getting the script.

One of the challenges of the day on the post production side, was that our composer had to tag out around 10 that night. She wouldn't be available all the way through Sunday when we polish polish polish... so there had to be finished music before the first cut was even on its feet.

And so it was.

For example, she had the music for the fight scene done well before I actually got around to cutting the fight scene. The music was done before I had an idea for the fight scene. Pretty much before I saw the footage for the fight scene.

And guess what?

It turned out brilliantly. As if she'd scored the music to what I cut instead what happened… which was that I cut the fight scene and then laid the music under it.

Speaking of editing, I finished my Saturday on the early side. Around 230 Sunday morning.

What can I say?

When your first time doing this takes you through 5AM Sunday morning...

Two-thirty in the morning seems pretty reasonable. 

In other news and once again, the writing team pulled off a quirky script with heart. It seems to be their signature regardless of genre. There's a cleverness in their work, a natural tendency to find the humanity in any circumstance including the fantastic, the strange, and the absurd.

And yes. They also have no problem finding the laugh out loud funny when they want to.

Their signature seems always to be a certain empathy for the characters they create that I find heartening.

I'm told, by the way, they have a secret weapon: one amongst their ranks who seems to thrive in the ungodly hours of the morning.

The reason that came up?

They delivered this round's script, intended for an 830 Saturday morning shoot... at 430 the same morning. After which, between call time and when cameras rolled, the director and producer reconciled diverging ideas for the script's ending with a clever compromise. Something that both served the story as well as each of their objectives, literally (and wonderfully) having it both ways.

I told them there's brilliance in their disagreements.

Which there is.

The major editing challenge of the day was Scene 2 of the script that was one of those very complicated to shoot scenes. It also, therefore, happens to be one of those scenes that's a headache to edit. This time around, we're talking about two speakers and four audience members for which there's three takes of the wide shot encompassing the entire scene, a two-shot of the PTA president and fundraiser, singles of each, a single of one of the group members and a two shot of that group member (the spy, actually) and the person next to whom they're sitting, as well as a two-shot of another pair of group members sitting nearby. Every take of the scene is the complete scene. There's full dialogue in every take. There are reactions in every take. There are different performances between the takes.

Just contemplating all those takes made my brain hurt. 

I was still working through all those takes when the producer and director came over after the shoot to drop off the afternoon's footage and talk through what they'd done... as some changes were made on the fly and weren't reflected in the script.

The best thing, though? The absolutely best thing once the director and I commiserated about Scene 2? 

He told me Scene 3 was done as a single take. And then it turned out scene 4 was shot as a single. Scene 5 was a short single. And Scene 6 was a fight scene involving a mop and an umbrella for which there was plenty of footage but not egregiously so. It's one of those things where I could see what the director and photographer were going for and I leaned into it.

Hard.

I think in my career, I've done a piece on boxing with actual fighting in the ring. I cut a short film that involved a fight on a beach with a flaming sword. And then this one with the mop, the umbrella, and the guy who gets his feet completely knocked out from under him. I haven't yet been able to stop watching and re-watching that section of film. If I'd been able to resist that temptation, I easily would've been to bed by two in the morning instead of two-thirty.

Oh well.

Anyway, last night's rough cut features full color correction, sound design, and music. We're missing the graphics that are forthcoming today. And I've got the sound mix yet to do.

However.

We're set up today to do what we've always done while some teams are still shooting and some editors are just grappling with their first cuts. When the director and producer wake up, they'll look at my overnight cut and judge it on the spot. They'll track any obvious misstep on my part that needs fixing. They'll think about what's already great and  figure out if there's even more great to wring from the footage. Or more funny. Or more intensity or empathy. Then they'll come over later this morning and we'll polish the first cut to within an inch of its life. We'll regard different options available to us, try a few of them out, and when we're done...

You better believe it. We'll be done.

A fully no regrets experience by the time we deliver our work.

And yes. Now that you ask...

There's nothing like it.

🙂

[thewrongmoon]

Actual Concrete S5 predictions from me

I feel like I've been fucking around with trying to figure out possible groupings for the next season, so I'm actually gonna go into what EVENTS I think are going to take place next season. Well, more like ONE event I know is gonna happen.

Will Getting Vecna'd (in some capacity):

I first felt like this would be too obvious, because Will has already been possessed before, but the evidence points directly to it. I don't think it will be the same as other Vecna possessions, namely because Will has a different bond with Vecna than Max and his other victims did. But, again, I'm like 90% sure its gonna happen. Why?

This image right here ! This image was posted by Noah before vol 2 dropped (I believe), and everyone assumed that vol 2 would have Will getting Vecna'd but that never actually happened.

And I will acknowledge the possibility that this could just be a joke made by Noah and he tried it on just to take a picture, but that also seems unlikely imo. Like I feel like these harnesses would probably be expensive and hard to get into yourself, so they wouldn't just let him run off with one? But I'm not involved in the production of ST so idk.

Actually, just realizing this as I go back to edit this point, Noah isn't wearing Will's clothes at all. He's wearing a white t-shirt and grey sweatpants. In the show he wears a blue long-sleeve undershirt and tan colored jeans (which you may be able to see in the bottom right corner of the mirror) alongside his yellow flannel.

Sadie doesn't wear Max's clothes here when she's harnessed up. This was in a rehearsal, not the actual thing. But I would imagine that they would A. maybe put their clothes back on in post-production (though this seems kind of unlikely) or B. have them dress in layers as to hide the harness and knee/elbow pads the best they can.

Will's actual outfit clearly being in frame in Noah's photo could mean he was going to put it on over the clothes he is wearing.

The second piece of evidence is this footage which shows the actor for Lonnie Byers at the table read.

Now, we don't see Lonnie at all during season 4. It's possible that there's maybe a cut scene with him in it, like a flashback? But I have no idea where they would put it. They don't show anyone in the Byers family having flashbacks in S4, and they're probably the only ones who would have any involving him.

Lonnie being present means we'll probably see him again. And because I don't think he would put in any effort into reconnecting with his kids he abandoned 5+ years ago, it's gotta have to happen in a memory, or flashback, or nightmare, or hallucination.

And who do we know that uses people's past trauma to get into their brains?

This queen right here!!

Now I know what you're wondering. If we're gonna see Lonnie in a Vecna-vision in S5, why was he at a table read for S4?

This leads me into my next theory:

Parts of S5 have already been scripted and filmed.

NOW HEAR ME OUT. This theory makes a lot of sense if you really think about it.

First of all, the production of S4 was delayed significantly by COVID. This left the writers with more time to potentially work on the S5 script.

Another huge hurdle for the crew of ST was the kids getting older. Nearly 3 years passed in between the end of filming S3 and the end of filming S4. Their characters were only supposed to age like 6 months.

Because of this, they tried multiple ways to make them appear younger, through wardrobe and even asking them make their voices higher.

They knew it was gonna take them at least another year or two before they could get to filming S5, and the actors would age more in that time. I mean, look at Finn Wolfhard. He already looks nothing like he did in S4.

The Duffers have stated that there was no way for it to not pick up where they left off.

Because of their insistence to shoot back to back, it's safe to say assume something happens right after S4 ends.

But I think they must have come to a compromise, where they inserted a time jump some time after that.

Lonnie's actor being present in the S4 table read and Noah in a harness (with the flannel he wears in the final episode) are kind of hard to explain if this isn't true.

Originally people thought a time jump would occur after episode 4 of S5, but I do think it's unrealistic for them to have already filmed half of S5. I do think it's feasible that they've maybe filmed episode 1 of S5, or they filmed parts of S5 that they want to play in flashbacks or just play in a non-linear fashion.

They finished this grid awfully quickly, and have said many times before that they already had most of S5 blocked out. I don't think it's super unrealistic for them to have scenes in mind that needed to be filmed asap to fit in with the story. This grid was probably more of a way to determine what part of the story fits in where.

Suffice to say, there's something fishy going on here.

Predictions:

I think Will will have some type of contact with Vecna right where S4 ends. Not necessarily being Vecna-d, but something to lift him in the air which would require a harness. I think Vecna would want to use his memories of Lonnie to turn him against his friends and family.

I think that Will may join him with the intention of double crossing him. This would bring the "super-spy" scenario back full circle.

But no matter how we look at it, Will being Vecna'd seems inevitable.

[flurty]

Any qualities you require to fall in love with someone? Or is there one in common that just kinda turned up?

Honestly I'm in the process of trying to figure out what sexual attraction is for me, I'm having a hard time trying to figure that out xP

Post Script: I'll be honest I kind of unleashed. This is a lot of personal stuff, and while it doesn't go into any traumatic experiences, it might be a bit of a heavy read. Basically, consider anything past this line as the long answer.

I was kinda forced into my first relationship by my entire friend group, everyone thought we were dating, and she asked if we were dating because we were too close not to be. I asked for a bit to figure things out, but I didn't know how to figure things out and just assumed what I was feeling was attraction. So I accepted and went out with her. She was very controlling and unintentionally abused me emotionally. This relationship lasted for two years before we broke things off because she was going to a different college than me.

The second one was romantic, I think, but it didn't last long. She basically tried to date-evangelize me into Catholicism, and I (as stupid teens are known for doing) just went with it because I thought I loved her. Eventually I broke up with her because she wouldn't compromise on an issue, and the next day she came back wanting to work things out. We tried, it failed, we broke up. She would come back, etc, etc. This process lasted for 6 months, and utterly destroyed my heart.

My third relationship was probably the best, and I honestly thought I would be able to be with this person for the rest of my life. But, she didn't. She wanted to die young. She wanted to go explore on her own. And she, once again, felt as like she had to try and change me (in terms of religion). The last three months of the relationship I would send a text to her, get no response. I would do this for weeks before I got a response, telling me that she's fine. At the end of the 3 months, she asked if we could go on a drive, and broke it off with me.

Unlike my first two relationships, the last one I was expecting to get dumped. Not because I was doing anything bad, it was obvious she lost interest in the relationship. I think I had already come to terms with the breakup before she even decided to break up with me.

I've been single for about 7 months, and I've been thinking about how I experience attraction and what I want from relationships. Out of the past 6 years, I've been single for a year and a half. The first lasted 2 years. The second lasted a year. The third lasted a year and a half. All that time I've had many opportunities to, I guess, do the deed, and each time I've just never went after that. In fact, I try to avoid it as much as I can, it just doesn't feel right to me.

For physical features, I really don't know. I've tended to go for the shorter girls who have a little fire in them, because I love being able to just mesh with someone who actually breathes life into me. And they've all happened to be short for whatever reason. Probably just something subconscious I've never picked up on.

What's really important to me though is having someone to lean on. Someone who I can connect with on a level deeper than the rest of the people who I'm with. I'm a very private guy, I've been through an unfair amount of trauma and I just clam up when it comes to talking about my past. Yet, I do wanna talk about it. I just don't want it to feel like they have to pull teeth out of my mouth to get to just a half detail. I want someone to let me open up at my own pace. Every one of the relationships, they seemed to demand more than what I was willing to talk about.

I also want someone who will respect my body for what it is. It's my body. I hate showing my legs, I hate showing any skin underneath my shirt. I used to solely wear hoodies and jeans, but it's just too hot for hoodies so I've been forced to wear t-shirts. I don't wear shorts unless I'm home alone and I know nobody else is around. I'm just odd like that. I look around and see most guys just walking around like they don't care. I do care, and I want someone who will respect that I care about that. Don't want to be a boy toy that's shown off to all her friends. It goes back to my privacy, I'm just really private for a reason.

Finally, I just want someone who I'll be happy with. My partner in crime. My best friend. In all the relationships I've been, there's just been something missing. Or maybe something just doesn't click. I really don't know what that spark is, but I hope eventually (even if it takes me til I'm 80) that I do find that spark in a person. Someone who won't force me into arguments and make me feel like shit about my quirks, someone who won't try to convert me to their perfect man, and someone who won't leave me on read for months at a time.

Thanks for the question ^^

[twh-news]

‘Loki’: Behind the Scenes of the Crumbling Time Variance Authority

Find out what Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Wunmi Mosaku, Owen Wilson, and Tara Strong all have to say about the TVA.

by Rachel Paige

[spoilers to Loki S01E04]

The Time Variance Authority sure seems like a cool and fun place to work! That is...until you start peeling back the layers of the previously unseen and unheard-of organization, and realize that they’ve been lying to everyone this entire time. Welcome to the TVA, y’all!

In Episode 4 of Marvel Studios’ Loki, “The Nexus Event," the truth starts to come out, and when it rains at the TVA, it pours. Where to even begin?

For starters, the Time Keepers did not create everyone working at the TVA, and it turns out the employees walking the halls and filing paperwork are all variants — with their memories scrubbed, of course. And if that’s not enough to swallow, the Time Keepers are actually robots and completely useless figureheads. Oh, and Mobius and Loki find themselves pruned at the hands of Judge Renslayer. That’s still just scratching the tip of the TVA iceberg!

So what’s it like when everything you thought you knew about your job turns out to be a lie? Marvel.com chatted with Gugu Mbatha-Raw (Judge Ravonna Renslayer), Wunmi Mosaku (Hunter B-15), Owen Wilson (Agent Mobius), and Tara Strong (the voice of Miss Minutes) about bringing the TVA to life, and what happens next in the series.

JUDGE RAVONNA RENSLAYER

Renslayer wasn’t always sitting behind a big desk in a big office at the TVA. “She has worked her way up to the top. She wasn't born into power. She started as a Hunter,” Mbatha-Raw tells Marvel.com. As viewers see at the start of Episode 4, Renslayer was the Hunter tasked with grabbing the Loki variant — aka Sylvie — from her timeline to stand trial.

Now that she’s in a higher position, she’s not going to veer off her straight and narrow path.

"She's really worked hard to get where she is, so she's not going to be reckless with the power that has been hard-earned for her,” Mbatha-Raw continues. “She, in some ways, is deeply indoctrinated with the ways of the TVA. She's completely conditioned by their thinking and the idea of the Sacred Timeline, and the concept of free will is quite alien to her. She's a believer. She believes in law and order, and it's done quite well for her so far in terms of getting her to where she is. She's not going to abandon her philosophy lightly.”

We see this in action when Renslayer realizes that Mobius has gone behind her back trying to get to the bottom of what happened to Hunter C-20. After a meeting with Renslayer, Mobius swipes her TemPad and discovers that the young Hunter was questioned, and in the process confessed that she knew they were all variants. And the person interviewing her? None other than Renslayer herself, who ends the interview abruptly. This is the sort of information Renslayer does not want to get out.

“It was fun to start off with everything being sort of very orderly and black-and-white for Renslayer. As her reality begins to crumble, we discover that alongside her. She has put everything into this. This is her whole world. Her career is her life.”

Renslayer isn’t going to let anything and anyone stand in the way of what she’s worked hard to accomplish, and that includes Mobius. Mobius tries to confront his superior about Hunter C-20, the variants, and the TVA, and in a shocking twist, Renslayer orders the agent pruned for being compromised!

“Her only friend, really, is Mobius, and she kind of betrays him,” Mbatha-Raw says. “Or she sees it as he betrayed her, and they have this massive schism. And you sort of think, gosh, where is she going to go now? Who's going to be in her corner? Who's she going to have a drink with at the end of the day. It's a lot of stress!”

HUNTER B-15

Someone else who has led their entire life believing in the TVA and what it stands for is Hunter B-15. The part of no-nonsense Hunter, originally written as a male character, ultimately went to Mosaku after her audition.

While reading the dummy sides (fake scenes for the audition), Mosaku and director Kate Herron determined the gender didn’t alter who Hunter B-15 is at the root of the character. “Despite being written a man, Hunter B-15 is a Hunter and works for the TVA. It didn’t change the scripts. I have free reign because she's new. B-15 doesn't exist in the MCU, so I really got to start from scratch and explore different ideas and themes, and take her wherever Kate and I wanted to.”

But, one thing the character couldn’t do? Be swayed by Loki’s charms. Mosaku was excited to step into this role, and not take any nonsense from Loki.

“It's very rare to have a [character], especially as a woman, [who doesn’t want to be] sweeter, nicer, or make people like you. She's not interested in that at all. And therefore, she's not interested in [Loki] — and Loki is very interested in that. He's charming and all that stuff, and it's all about luring you in. She just doesn't take any of it. It's not attractive to her. It's not intriguing to her. She's just, ‘Let's get the job done, please.’”

While Hunter B-15 starts off all commanding and tough, slowly she, too, begins to realize that not everything is what it seems at the TVA. After she’s enchanted by Sylvie at Roxxcart, Hunter B-15 has memories come rushing back to her — but what are they, and what did she see? That’s still a mystery for Mosaku, too, who explains, “I'm as intrigued as you are to find out what that backstory is.”

Whatever she saw, it propels her to take a stand against the TVA. This meant Mosaku went through training — in more ways than one, “They drilled us on the physical vocabulary of the TVA and the fight sequences that we had.”

At the end of Episode 4, Hunter B-15 comes to Loki and Sylvie’s aid when they come face to face with the Time Keepers, throwing the latter her machete (which she’s clearly stolen from Renslayer’s office). What follows next is a battle for power in front of the Time Keepers, one in which not everyone survives.

“We did have a trainer to make sure that we were physically capable of doing it all and not injuring ourselves,” states Mosaku. “I really loved that, because I love to box. I felt really strong and able to use my physical power in a way that I hadn't been able to before.”

MOBIUS

Agent Mobius is having a day. Not only is he watching his whole life and career crumble around him, but he then winds up on the wrong end of a pruning stick by the end of the episode. While he might have started off as a through and through company man when we first meet him, after Loki tells him they’re all variants, Mobius starts to think about where his true allegiance lies. (And if he ever had a jet ski??)

The biggest revelation in the episode for Mobius is not necessarily that he’s a variant, but rather that his closest friend, Renslayer, has been concealing the truth from him this whole time.

“The relationship between Mobius and Renslayer, it's the way you might have with your boss. Or when you're back in school with the principal or someone in a position of authority and having to sort of try to charm them so you're able to pursue your projects,” Wilson tells Marvel.com. “That's the dynamic between Mobius and Renslayer. She sort of loses patience with Mobius and with another one of his schemes. But, I think, she also sort of enjoys that he's a little bit of a rascal.”

That certainly might have been true at one point in time, but after Mobius swipes Renslayer’s TemPad, as Wilson continues, “by the end of that relationship, it has become something very different”

Mobius might have caught Renslayer in a lie, but it’s Renslayer who orders him pruned — and Loki witnesses the whole thing.

"The betrayal of Mobius by Renslayer is pretty shocking. And it's a little bit of a hall of mirrors within the whole series, that people aren't quite who they seem to be. In the same way that Loki, when he lands in this bizarre place called the TVA, Mobius will have sort of the same struggles. What is this organization? And is it something that is worthy of his devotion?”

MISS MINUTES

There’s one other very important person at the TVA: Miss Minutes! She’s not really a recording, and she’s not really alive, she’s sorta both! So what’s going to happen to the organization’s spokesperson as the TVA starts to fall apart?

Coy with her response, Tara Strong, who voices the perky clock, explains, “It's safe to say that Miss Minutes knows absolutely everything, and it's also safe to say I wouldn't mess with her too much.”

Recording for the character, Strong actually watched episodes (over video chat), and synched up her dialogue with the action in each scene.

“The show was already done before I stepped in, which was such a great gift,” she explains. “Had I gone first and watched a placeholder, it wouldn't have been as magical. But getting to sit there and witness the animation, and how cute it is and how stylized it was, and of course, to play off Tom Hiddleston, who's so brilliant, it was really a gift to have it all come together in front of me.”

For every scene, Strong recorded dozens of different versions of dialogue “to play with for the production crew to see what would fit in the best and what would make the most sense.” As the show was coming together, Strong knew she had the difficult task of giving Miss Minutes life and unloading “exposition while still making it fun and playful.”

“Everything she says is important and funny and interesting. I also love that even in the very beginning, when she's like, [Miss Minutes’ voice] ‘Don't hesitate to let us know how we're doing. We could explode you in a minute, but drop a line to let us know how you feel about it!’ It's like the perfect mix of who she is that she can be giving you such dire information with a smile on her face, and you still want to sit down and have a cupcake with her.”

Considering what she knows, and how many times she’s now dumped information, how else might she be able to step in and help Loki?

“She knows so much about the TVA, and it’s her job to relay this information to Loki,” says Strong. “[She needs] him to get past some of the things he's done [in order] to improve himself as a member of this universe, and how to grow and help. I [navigate] these moments with him, careful to not give away how much I actually know in the world.”

[ambiguouspuzuma]

Crossroads

Strictly speaking, deals with the devil should be done at a crossroads. They were that ideal liminal space, betwixt and between the realms of life and death, the no man's land between the worlds where paranormal meetings would traditionally take place. Unfortunately, due to a quick to municipal planning, the town of Middle Drooling was unable to oblige.

Mrs Clutterbuck made do with a roundabout.

It was one of the nicer ones the town had to offer, with a lovely floral display in the middle, which she felt helped to bring some sense of ceremony. She couldn't imagine doing this at the mini-roundabout before the entrance to the local supermarket, let alone the awful interchange to get onto the passing A-road. This compromise might have been necessary, but demonic covenants still deserved some measure of decorum.

The other side never failed to disappoint. Once Mrs Clutterbuck had said the usual incantation, the demon arrived with all the pomp and pageantry one might expect from a visit from the beyond: the ground trembled, the wind howled, and the streetlamps on the corner flickered off and on, although the latter might have just been the council budget cuts again.

Amongst the usual theatrics, he had his own spiel to recite, like one of those telemarketers who won't let you go until they're rattled through their script, or perhaps more like the police putting you under caution with a reading of your rights. Mrs Clutterbuck had heard it a few times, so she gave a little cough early doors to nip this performance in the bud.

"GREETINGS MORTAL," it began. "YOU HAVE SUMMO- oh, it's you. What do you want this time?"

"Good morning!" Mrs Clutterbuck greeted him with all the cheer in the world. "It's lovely to see you again. How have you been keeping? We've been having some truly dreadful weather recently, but I suppose it's rather more toasty where you are?"

"SATAN'S PIT ALWAYS BURNS WITH THE HEAT OF A THOUSAND SOULS BEING RENT FROM THEIR SINS." The demon gave the voice another go. People were supposed to cower when he spoke, but she always just looked politely interested.

"Oh, I'm sure it does. All right for some, isn't it? All with no heating bill in sight, I don't doubt." She paused for a response, and he had to nod to get her to continue. "Gosh, how the other half live - relaxing, rending souls, jet-setting off to the Caribbean and the like. Not that I'm against all that. We were looking into a time share in Tuscany at one point, you know, but Alf was never keen. You wouldn't believe it, but the food disagrees with him."

"Is that your wish?" the demon asked, trying to chivvy her along. Sometimes he felt she only called him up for a chat. "A holiday on the Italian coast? A cured aversion to spaghetti?"

"Gosh, no," she said again. He'd have to look up the policy on minced oaths. Did that count as half a blasphemy? "I couldn't afford all that, not at my age. I can't be doing with all the blood rituals and the like. No, that sort of evil bidding is a young woman's game. I'll stick to bidding on the lower value items, if it's all the same to you."

"So... what will it be?" The demon had been called a servant of evil on many occasions in the past, but somehow the implication that his evil was on a kind of budget range was much harder to take. "I can offer you a life of hedonism, pleasures beyond your wildest dreams, mystical abilities, forbidden knowledge...."

"Ooh, I could do with some forbidden knowledge," Mrs Clutterbuck stopped him. "Now, let's see. It would have been this week's cryptic crossword in the local paper, 8 or 9 across. Something about a tune."

"It was 8 across," he said. Knowledge of mortal affairs could be awfully mundane. "Gloomy rendition of a sober tune."

"That's right. It's bingo tonight, you see, and Margaret at number seventeen gets all smug if she's solved it first. What'll it cost me? An hour of my life?"

"Two."

"Oh, come now, I don't have many left. A young woman might pay two, but mine are worth more to me. Go on, what can I get for one? Half the answer?"

"I suppose," the demon answered wearily. Mrs Clutterbuck always liked to haggle, and for increasingly petty things. He might be immortal, but she somehow still found a way to waste his time.

He longed for the days when securing a soul was as simple as a good old fashioned duel, fiddles at dawn, but he knew better than to suggest it. He'd made the mistake of mentioning that once, and she'd spoken at length about her youngest's struggles getting grade five in clarinet - whatever that meant.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t been warned. Humans always liked to bargain: it was in their nature, the way that they communicated with each other. It was like in the old legend of Mephistopheles, the eponymous demon tricked into serving a cruel academic, seduced by promise of his soul.

There were many such cautionary tales. Another demon, Rumpelstiltskin, had been enslaved to spin straw into gold, paid a fraction of the value of his labour, and then swindled out of that by trickster humans who trapped him in their greed.

"Well, I've already got the E, E, and R," she figured in her mind. "So why don't you give me the odd letters and we'll call it an hour?"

"Deal." He wasn't willing to argue it any more. Humans liked to say the devil was in the details, but he'd always found it the other way around. "The odd letters are T, N, B, O, and S. Is that enough, or do you need the rest?"

She took a moment to work it out, and they stepped onto the pavement to avoid a passing taxi. Middle Drooling was waking up. Dawn was the perfect thematic time for these meetings, the border between night and day, and it also meant they didn't get caught up in the school run.

Once it had passed, they returned to the road. Mrs Clutterbuck had found the spells in an old book on demonology, and neither of them really understood how they worked, but they knew they couldn't leave whilst he was here. Most tales referred to marking out magic circles, in which the demon would appear and be constrained, but she'd found the roundabout seemed to do the trick quite nicely.

It was a circle, of a kind: marked out by humans, and ready-made for them to use. It was mapped out like a Kongo cosmogram, with the streetlamps forming Hecataea pillars, just to cover all cultural bases. Lovely and spacious, too. According to the diagrams in the book, practitioners had traditionally marked out chalk circles in their studies, but that looked awfully claustrophobic. There was nothing wrong in having a bit of space to walk around.

"Tenebrous," she said. "Is that a word?"

"Are you asking for more knowledge?" Demons, like waiting staff, were always encouraged to up-sell.

"Oh, no, you're alright there. I suppose it has to be." She thought for a moment more. "Well, fancy that. There's no way Margaret knows that one, is there? Oh, that's not a question either, by the way."

"Will there be anything else?"

"Ah, well this is the reason I called, you see. Alf's back's been playing up again, and you were able to help mine out a treat. Young Doctor Sharma said he'd never seen anything like it, although he can't be much past thirty, so what does he know?"

"I can do that. It will be the same price as for you, if that's okay. We don't have inflation in Hell. Well, only as a punishment."

"First born, is it?" she said, with the air of someone rummaging in their purse for the exact change. "Our Elsie's got a litter of puppies coming in, breed, darling little things they'll be. I can offer you the pick of the litter. You'll have to look after it, mind. You know what they say: a dog's for life, not just for diabolic rituals."

[kuramirocket]

Sonia Gutierrez dreamed of returning to her hometown of Denver as a television reporter for the city's defining news station: KUSA 9News. When she finally achieved it, however, it came at too steep a cost, she says.

Gutierrez says she was told that she could report on immigration, an issue about which she cares deeply, but only if she were to state her own immigration status on air in every story on the subject.

"I was put in a box simply for who I am," Gutierrez says.

She had never tried to hide that her parents had brought her as a baby from Mexico without documentation. But Gutierrez, 30, says she balked at the station's directive. She was told she could continue pitching stories about immigration, but, she says, she was asked to pass off her ideas and sources to other reporters.

Gutierrez is no longer with KUSA. Nor are two other Latina reporters. One had pushed editors to involve Black and Latino colleagues in more decisions about news coverage. The other's contract was not renewed five months after she had returned after having a stroke. She, too, had challenged station leaders on how they cover issues affecting Latinos in Colorado.

Over the course of a year, from March 2020 to March 2021, KUSA allowed each of the women's contracts to lapse without renewal, the way television stations typically part with their journalists.

"It is racist to require a Latino reporter, a Hispanic reporter, to disclose their own immigration status [to viewers] before reporting on immigration," says Julio-César Chávez, the vice president of National Association of Hispanic Journalists.

The outcry has focused an unwanted glare on Tegna, one of the nation's largest and most prominent owners of local television stations, just as the company faces claims of racial bias from a dissident investor.

"9News is the market leader in Denver and has been for decades," KUSA news director Megan Jurgemeyer says, "Having worked at another station in town, it was always viewed as the top competition and who we wanted to beat."

9News is unusually woven into the fabric of its parent company. Tegna's CEO Dave Lougee used to be the station's news director. KUSA's general manager, Mark Cornetta, is also the executive vice president of Tegna Media, the company's local television division. And Patti Dennis, a Tegna vice president and director of recruitment, is herself a former KUSA news director who still works out of the station's main building in Denver. All three are white, as are Jurgemeyer and Ryan.

Parent company faces its own issues with race

Tegna faces its own allegations of racial bias. An activist hedge fund, Standard General LP, recently nominated rival directors, saying it wanted to diversify the company's largely white board. 

In an April federal securities filing, Standard General accused Tegna of racist practices stretching back years.

In 2019, a sports anchor at the company's Phoenix station accused its general manager — recently promoted from a job as KUSA's sales manager — of making "loud and unwelcome racist and sexist comments about coworkers" at a baseball game, in a civil complaint reviewed by NPR

Jamie Torres, a Denver city council member, was among the Latina state and local public officials who met twice with KUSA executives following the dismissal of the three journalists. She says the meetings left her unconvinced that there would be real progress beyond some changes in language and style.

"The conversation felt just incredibly transactional," Torres says.

And it renewed long-held frustrations: Torres says the three Latina journalists had been hired after an earlier round of discussions between the station and Denver-area Latino officials about representation at KUSA.

"Why Don't You Pitch It To Telemundo?"

While in college, Gutierrez interned at the local affiliate of the Spanish-language network Telemundo. Back then, it was housed inside KUSA's headquarters. Though owned by Tegna, KUSA is an affiliate of NBC, and Telemundo is part of NBC's parent company, Comcast.

As Gutierrez rose at Telemundo Denver, she also pitched stories to KUSA.

She says she often heard back: "That's a great story idea, why don't you pitch it to Telemundo?" Her response: KUSA also needed to serve Latino families — the ones who speak English.

"After a while, when stories wouldn't get picked up, I would just take it upon myself to do the interviews, write up a little [script] and give it to the anchors and say, 'It's done.' To the producers, 'It's done. You want it or not?' " Gutierrez says it was easier to hand off the idea fully baked.

After a stint at a station in Columbia, S.C., Gutierrez returned to KUSA as a reporter. She says KUSA leaders told her that she could be a defining person for the station, someone who would thrive there. By her telling, Gutierrez ignored the little slights that accreted.

Then, Gutierrez says, she was told she had to disclose that she had been a DREAMer, protected from deportation through the Obama-era policy called Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, or DACA, before she became a legal permanent resident through marriage. She didn't see why viewers needed to be told that in each of her immigration reports.

Gutierrez says she received no response when she asked for concrete examples of how her status had compromised her reporting. And when she refused to go along, Gutierrez says, she was told she would have to pass her story ideas and sources on immigration to other reporters.

"It's not like there was something wrong with me or my reporting," says Gutierrez, who left last year. "There was just something wrong with who I was — a liability to them."

Allegations of unfulfilled promises

Aguirre, 34, a Mexican-American who grew up near Midway Airport on the South Side of Chicago, says she had been inspired to become a journalist to tell stories about Latinos that were not simply about crime and immigration.

She came to Denver after being an anchor at a smaller station in Flint, Mich. 

Aguirre says she believed her pursuit of community-driven news brought value.

"I can tell a story in a much different way than a female white reporter can because I lived it. I know the questions to ask," Aguirre says.

In April 2019, Aguirre suffered a stroke that resulted in a traumatic brain injury and paralyzed her on her left side; as she built back strength and returned in the fall.

After roughly six months, as new newsroom leaders rotated in she did not return to the anchor's chair. Aguirre alleges in a formal amended complaint she filed with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission earlier this year.

Aguirre left the station in March 2020. Her attorney, Iris Halpern, says the complaint is currently in mediation.

"Because they're KUSA, they can just get somebody else," Aguirre says. "They can get another Latino who fills that Brown category, who's cheaper, younger, greener and more afraid to ask any questions. Although I was recovering [from the stroke], I was still that woman who would push back. So I'd be in those meetings and I would ask 'Why?' "

"I was instructed not to wear my hair in a bun"

After two years as a reporter in Bakersfield, Calif., Lori Lizarraga says, she was told by 9News that she would be an asset and she joined the station. 

Lizarraga, whose mother was born in Ecuador and whose father is first generation Mexican-American, remembers saying, "'My voice will never track this [the word illegal] slew of words." She says she ended up shying away from stories involving immigration.

Lizarraga recalls even having her hairstyles vetoed. She wrote in Westword, "After six months, I was instructed not to wear my hair in a bun with a middle part anymore — a style I have seen and worn as a Mexican and Ecuadorian woman all my life. Not a good look, I was told."

"We Would Have Had Reporters On Every Corner"

Lizarraga, who left in March, says she hit an inflection point early last year. Colorado state regulators had just announced a record fine against a Canadian energy giant whose plant had been polluting nearby neighborhoods for years. She read up on it as she raced with a colleague in the official KUSA 9News van to the press conference.

"Ash was falling from the sky onto people's cars and yards and playgrounds," Lizarraga recalls. "Water was impacted."

She was struck by something else: The communities affected were heavily Latino. Yet, she says, state regulators had not consulted with those communities or even put out information in Spanish. And back in the newsroom, she says, producers focused solely on the size of the fine — potentially up to $9 million.

"I was very upset and I said, 'You know, if this were a community in a ZIP code just up the street with a different demographic, we would have had reporters on every corner ' " to interview residents, Lizarraga says. "And because this is a Spanish-speaking, low-income, largely immigrant community, we don't have an interest. We are choosing what is newsworthy based on what you care to talk about, not what is actually newsworthy."

"We have to confront management"

At KUSA, Lizarraga says supervisors resented her for demanding that African American colleagues be consulted on coverage about Floyd's murder and the protests. She thought they had a right to weigh in on questions such as: How much of the video of Floyd's death should be shown? When and if the word "riot" was appropriate? How much coverage should there be of police tactics?

Lizarraga says she rallied colleagues of color to object when the station decided to stage a town hall meeting on race and equity hosted solely by a white anchor. Instead of channeling that fervor, Lizarraga says, it was largely deflected.

"We can't be exhausted, we can't be scared," Lizarraga recalled telling colleagues. "We have to confront management and tell them that we have ideas and that we deserve a spotlight right now."

Meanwhile, she says, she was not recognized for the initiative she showed, such as the data-driven pieces that officials and advocates said (in text messages reviewed by NPR) served as a road map for government agencies seeking to arrange COVID-19 testing in heavily affected Black and Latino neighborhoods.

Life after KUSA 9News

Gutierrez now works across town at Rocky Mountain PBS. Aguirre is a local news anchor and reporter in Asheville, N.C., part of a television market that is about half the size of that of Denver.

Lizarraga returned to her family home in Dallas. In late March, she published her allegations against KUSA in Westword. "What Lori Lizarraga did took a lot of courage and bravery," the NAHJ's Chávez says, singling out Gutierrez and Aguirre for praise as well. "Journalism is an industry where a lot of people are mistreated, a lot of employees are mistreated, and discriminated against, and then people simply go quiet.

"For Lori to actually tell the world how bad the situation was, how bad she was being treated and how racist some of the management policies were, that takes real courage. She put her entire career in jeopardy."

In October, the Colorado ACLU will honor the three women for "fighting discrimination in the newsroom."