#Roman is with them out of obligation and guilt. nothing else.

[shywhumpauthor]

Piccrews? Maybe? Please 🥺 I’m in love with precious bean Kaden and bastard man Mathias…..

Ignore how this took me like a week I could not find the right picrew for kaden

Of course Anon! I have had this picrew of Mathias sitting in my camera roll since literally September

(Picrew link here)

Here is the bastard man himself. I played around with the idea of him being blond for a bit but this picrew didn’t have what I had in mind and everything else was too perfect to find a new one

(link)

And then here’s kaden, before and during captivity. (Before is from the night of the party, captivity is a little bit after the isolation chunk, before switching locations)

[seattlesea]

Why Percabeth Isn’t a Good Ship (Sorry 2x)

I’m definitely getting cancelled- 

1. Annabeth is physically abusive. The fandom makes this point seem controversial and debatable, but it’s really not. The definition of abuse is hitting someone. Annabeth hit Percy. Therefore, Annabeth abused Percy. Is that really that hard to understand? Annabeth hit Percy for the first time in The Titan’s Curse when she, Percy, and Thalia were looking for the di Angelo siblings. She punched him in the gut when he asked her who he should ask to dance with him. Annabeth knows that Percy can be oblivious at times...but punishes him when it benefits her? The second time was in The Mark of Athena, when she judo-flipped him because she missed him. That’s...what?? Usually when people are worried about someone else, they hug or kiss them, not flip them over their shoulder. And yes Annabeth kissed him first, but the judo-flip was completely unnecessary. Annabeth punished Percy for ‘leaving’ her despite him being kidnapped and his memory wiped. And everyone’s like ‘But Percy didn’t feel any pain!!11!!1!’ The chapter wasn’t in his point of view, so that claim is a guess. Just cause he didn’t say ‘Ow’ doesn’t mean he wasn’t in pain. Also- Annabeth slammed him on a stone pavement on his back. That definitely hurts, even if Percy is a demigod, physically strong, and has gotten hurt a lot. There’s a difference between ‘playful hitting’ and actually hurting someone. Yes they trained a lot, but this isn’t training. This is Annabeth punishing Percy for being traumatized with yet another life-threatening quest and being kidnapped. I don’t remember Percy judo-flipping Annabeth after he saw her again when she got kidnapped in TTC. Besides, the Romans were about to take out their weapons when they saw Annabeth attack Percy, so if all of them thought it was an attack...it was most likely an attack. Even Annabeth said herself “I only attack my boyfriend like that”. The thing is, if it was Percy who flipped Annabeth over his shoulder and slammed her on her back or punched her in the gut, all the fans immediately would’ve freaked out and cancelled him, calling him a horrible and abusive boyfriend, but because it’s the girl hitting the guy, it’s fine apparently. Nothing wrong with it, right? And then Riordan (and the fandom) had the audacity to romanticize that abuse. Abuse isn’t a sweet, romantic gesture. Stop making it seem like it is. That’s disgusting. 

2. Annabeth is also verbally abusive and toxic. Annabeth canonically lowered Percy’s self-esteem, constantly insulted him and his intelligence despite knowing he was insecure about it and always getting kicked out of schools and getting bad grades (even with her so-called ‘endearing’ name for him ‘Seaweed Brain’), and the overall idea of Percabeth is a super smart, pretty girl making a guy with below average intelligence feel insecure about himself. Percy’s self-esteem has plummeted since he met Annabeth and her behavior is never called out or even noticed, which implies some manipulation going on. Annabeth is shown to be extremely capable of manipulating her enemies and anyone else she pleases, and there are quite a few signs she’s using it against Percy (his feelings of obligation, fear, and guilt of and over her, questioning himself, having strings attached, always only thinking of her and no one else in his life, etc.), especially since Percy begins to gradually stop noticing Annabeth’s wrong and toxic behavior as the story progresses. 

3. Annabeth only likes Percy cause he’s the chosen one. Annabeth only hung around Percy since The Lightning Thief cause she thought he was ‘the one’ and so she could finally go on a quest. She literally used Percy to go out to the mortal world and ‘prove herself’ cause really, all she cares about is glory, which is shown multiple times throughout the series with all her pride and ambitions. Plus the fact that Chiron made Annabeth swear on the River Styx that she would keep Percy from danger is a pretty clear sign she didn’t stick around him just cause she wanted to, but because she felt obligated to and cause it would benefit her. Take all of this and it’s kind of obvious Annabeth only hung around Percy cause he was the chosen one of the prophecy, a son of one of the Big Three, and was destined to go on multiple quests and play a big part in the mythological world, which is what she always wanted since book one.

4. It was forced. Since the beginning of book one, it was so obvious that Percy and Annabeth were going to get together that their relationship ended up being boring, dull, and flat. Riordan made it so obvious they were going to be a couple that nothing that happened to their relationship really mattered, cause everyone knew it would work out in the end (which is probably why everyone *wrongly* hated on Rachel) so what happened in between didn’t matter. Their relationship was the typical ‘male lead and female lead’, ‘bad boy trouble-maker skater and nerdy good girl’ power couple that was way too clear. And Riordan made it worse by pushing their relationship and shoving it into the readers’ faces way too much. In MoA Annabeth states that she’s always had a crush on Percy (since they were twelve) which immediately rips all the development their relationship (which was supposedly ‘friends to lovers’, but not anymore) had away. Riordan made up a bunch of honestly dumb scenarios that were legit cringe to make Percabeth seem like ‘OTP’ that really didn’t make sense.

5. It ruined their characters. Percy and Annabeth would’ve been way better off as just friends. After they got together in HoO, all their personality and everything else that made them independent was destroyed to make room for more ‘Percabeth’. All of Annabeth’s skills, bravery, intelligence, pride, ferocity, judgmentalism, and all the other traits and flaws that made her a well-written character were never utilized or even mentioned. All she thought about was Percy, and the same goes for him. His loyalty, sarcasm, humor, obliviousness, etc. disappeared to make room for arrogant Annabeth fanboy. In PJO, they were amazingly well-written and great role models for younger readers (especially Annabeth), but in HoO their characters were exclusively ‘Annabeth’s boyfriend’ and ‘Percy’s girlfriend’. Their characters were completely dependent on each other, and they were way better off as just friends. 

6. Annabeth is way too possessive. And creepy. It’s fine and honestly normal for people to get jealous when another person likes someone they do, but Annabeth’s jealousy was downright creepy. Not only did she not know if her feelings for Percy were reciprocated or not, but she also didn’t know if Percy and Rachel liked each other, either. The very first time she met Rachel she immediately hated her. That’s not ‘I’m jealous cause this girl likes the guy I do’, that’s ‘I’m jealous cause the guy I like has another female friend’. She had no reason to believe that Rachel and Percy liked each other and has no say in who they can like, either. She thought that she and Percy absolutely had to be in a relationship and that he couldn’t even have friends with different genitals than him. And remember when Annabeth literally stalked Percy in The Sea of Monsters? Like when she creeped by his window, constantly watched him, and kept tabs on him just cause she ‘couldn’t find the right time’ to tell him something cause he was ‘never alone’ despite him being alone multiple times and despite the fact that she literally could’ve just knocked on his door like a normal person instead of creeping around his cabin and staring at him through the windows? Again- switch the roles. If it was Percy who was stalking Annabeth, everyone would’ve immediately called him a creep. If- according to Tumblr and almost everyone who read Twilight- Edward is a creep for stalking Bella, then Annabeth is a creep for stalking Percy. 

7. It’s mostly fan love. Honestly, the fandom is the only thing that fuels Percabeth. Riordan just destroys it. He shoved it down the readers’ throats, forced it way too much with really dumb and honestly unrealistic scenarios, and made it abusive and toxic. On its own, Percabeth freaking sucks. The fandom’s version of Percabeth is 1000x better than whatever the hell Riordan was doing, but even that version is toxic. Like, I’ve seen way too many jokes about Annabeth hitting Percy (as if abuse is hilarious and amazing meme fuel and not an extremely sensitive topic that triggers multiple people who actually went through it). Half the time, the fandom fixes Percabeth and the other half of the time they over-glorify and ruin it. The fandom over exaggerates and over glorifies it way too much. It’s not that great of a relationship, to be honest. Most of y’all only like it in the first place cause Riordan made it canon.

8. It was cringey. Like I said above, Riordan wrote some really dumb scenes for Percabeth. I mean- the matching gray streaks in their hair despite Atlas and Artemis not getting any? Percy’s tie to the mortal world while bathing in the River Styx being Annabeth and not his mom, Grover, etc.? Percy only remembering Annabeth, the girl he’s only known for four years and not his mom, the only woman who actually cared for and took care of him or Grover, his best friend who protected and continuously cared about him? Percy turning down immortality only for Annabeth and not even bothering to mention the pain of leaving behind his life, friends, family, memories, etc. behind if he accepted it? The romanticized judo-flip? The whole ‘dark-haired rebellious bad boy/nerdy blonde good girl who can be bad’ trope? Even the boring predictability of Percabeth is cringe. 

9. It’s a bad influence on younger readers. Basically the lesson of Percabeth is ‘Once you get a love interest nothing else in your life matters’. Besides that one single scene that took like three lines in The Son of Neptune, Percy never even thought of his own mom, nor did he think about any of his friends or passed allies like his dad, Rachel, Grover, Paul, Silena, Luke, Ethan, Bob/Iapetus, Tyson, Calypso, Charles, Michael (whose death he accidentally caused), Bianca, Zoë, etc. Even when in Tartarus with the curse of the Arai being forced to remember all the people he forgot and feeling guilty about abandoning Bob and Calypso, all he thought about was Annabeth. Even when faced with the man who broke the heart of the girl who sacrificed herself for him, Percy didn’t even think of her, only his jealousy of Jason. Same thing with Annabeth. She never thought about her mom, Luke, Thalia, her step-mom or step-brothers, etc. It was all about Percy. Cause yes, Riordan, that’s exactly the lesson you should teach your younger readers- forget everyone you ever knew the moment you get a partner. Besides that, it also teaches readers that being rude to people who like the same person as you is completely okay cause no one will care and once you start being rude, bitter, and possessive you’ll get exactly what you want (that’s literally what happened, with Annabeth and with Calypso, too). He also teaches that after you get a partner, everything that makes you you will disappear and you’ll be completely dependent on them and nothing in your life will matter, even your own independent life and personality. 

10. The fandom tries to excuse and explain Annabeth’s behavior??? What??? Since when does explaining and excusing hitting people put you in the right again? And the excuses aren’t even good, too! Percabeth fans use-  Annabeth was full of emotions/mad and doesn’t know how to deal with emotions. Annabeth really loved Percy. It was only one time. Annabeth was worried about Percy and mad that she left him. Annabeth didn’t mean to hurt him. Annabeth didn’t know what she was doing cause she was full of emotions. ??? Annabeth was full of emotions/mad and doesn’t know how to deal with emotions- Annabeth was seventeen years old, the daughter of the wisdom goddess, and is supposedly the smartest character in the series who is shown to be extremely good at reading people and their emotions. And y’all are really trying to say she doesn’t know how to deal with her emotions?  Annabeth really loved Percy- SO? A mother might really love her child, does that excuse her for hitting them for dumb reasons? It was only one time- actually, it was twice, and so what? If someone was slapped across the face ‘only one time’, does that mean they weren’t abused? ‘Abuse’ doesn’t mean ‘hit constantly’, it means ‘hit’. If someone was hit, they were abused. Is that really not a known fact in this fandom? Annabeth was worried about Percy and mad that she left him- last time I checked, people didn’t hit others when they were worried about them. If I was worried that my friend was going to get hurt, I wouldn’t hurt them myself. That literally makes no sense. And again- Percy didn’t leave Annabeth. He was kidnapped. Do y’all not know the definition of that, either? Annabeth didn’t mean to hurt him- yes, cause that’s why she decided to flip him over her shoulder, slam him on a stone pavement on his back, and punish him for ‘leaving her’.  Annabeth didn’t know what she was doing cause she was full of emotions- Annabeth??? the daughter of the wisdom goddess??? not knowing what she’s doing??? huh??? I mean, would any of you really, legitimately try to use any of these dumb excuses to excuse a man from hitting his wife? Hopefully not. And if you did, you would immediately get hated on and legit cancelled. So what makes this any different? Also- I see the excuse ‘Annabeth didn’t know Percy lost his Achilles Heel and thought he was still invincible’. Under different circumstances I’d accept that, but Annabeth knew that Percy’s Achilles Heel was on the small of his back...BUT SHE SLAMMED HIM ON HIS BACK. If Percy hadn’t lost the Achilles Heel, Annabeth literally would’ve killed him. Abusive enough for y’all? Or is attempted murder excusable and still ‘OTP’? 

11. They had no chemistry whatsoever. Was I the only one who felt...absolutely no chemistry between Percy and Annabeth? Like some of their moments were cute, their friendship was really good, and they had a lot of potential, but they didn’t feel right for each other. Remember- opposites don’t attract (they just argue, and no one has ‘another half’ that needs to ‘complete them’, everyone is their own person), they cancel each other out. I mean, Reyna and Annabeth had more chemistry in that one chapter of the New Rome tour in MoA than Percy and Annabeth had in 12+ books. They’re just...not right for each other, I guess. 

I’m definitely getting cancelled-

Edit 2: Sorry if I offended anyone with that last note. Just wanted to let y’all know that I am not here to start any drama, hurt anyone, or disrespect any Percabeth shippers. I respect your opinions 100% and only ask you do the same for me. Like I literally only wrote this at 12 am when I was bored and had nothing else to do and couldn’t sleep (same goes for pretty much everything else I write about PJ). Besides, why argue and start drama over dumb stuff like that when we can just find something we agree on? Don’t like Piper McLean? Let’s talk about that. Think Reyna Avila Ramirez-Arellano is a queen? Let’s talk about that. Think Nico di Angelo is freaking amazing? Let’s talk about that. Think Theyna would be adorable? Let’s talk about that. Want someone to vent to about writer’s block? Why the hell not? Want random writing advice and tips for writer’s block? Sure, I got plenty. Instead of arguing and starting beef over trivial fictional ships. 

[abused-sides]

Ooh, I was looking at the prompt list, and thinking about a bunch of different ones, but it gave me an idea. Going back to the Roomates AU, what if Roman and Virgil got into a really bad fight, and Virgil was in the wrong, and he thinks everyone is super super mad at him, so he thinks he has to leave, and he talks to his ex about going back, because he thinks he deserves to be in a bad situation, but Roman finds out and he explains that being wrong sometimes doesnt make Virgil a bad person?

A/N: For context, this takes place before Virgil and Roman get together romantically, but while they’re getting closer. Also before Logan comes out as nonbinary, so he still uses he/him. 

A/N: Also, super sorry, but this prompt is changed up a tiny bit. The fight is concentrated with Virgil and Patton (although Roman was definitely involved, prequel later), and it’s actually… someone else who gives Virgil the Talk. 

Trigger warnings: ABUSE SURVIVOR AU, self-destructive/self-harm behavior (not violent), manipulation & gaslighting from an unsympathetic oc, fighting between the sides (resolved), past lashing out, minor panic attacks

Virgil had been locked up in his room for days. 

His roommates argued over what to do. Logan insisted he just needed some space to decompress and think the situation over, but Roman and Patton couldn’t stop worrying. 

“What if he hurts himself?” Patton asked. 

“What if he thinks we hate him?” Roman asked. 

“He’s going to come out when he’s ready.” Logan sighed and took their dirty plates away to the sink. “There’s nothing we can do right now. We can’t talk to him if he won’t even open the door.” 

Patton pulled his coffee mug closer and worried his lip between his teeth. “I guess so,” he mumbled. 

In his room, Virgil stared at the pile of letters Patton had hid from him for three months. They were all opened, but not by Virgil. Virgil hadn’t touched them since he dumped them on his desk a few days ago. 

How did he find me? 

He drew in a shaky breath and grabbed the first envelope. 

My dear Virgil, 

I’m at a loss for words. What could I have done that was so bad for you to leave, without even telling me? Didn’t I at least deserve that? 

Guilt churned in Virgil’s stomach. He had to leave without telling him, his ex wouldn’t let him go otherwise. Right? He wouldn’t have let Virgil go. 

My home— our home, will always be here, waiting for you. You can always come home. I won’t be mad. I promise. 

I won’t lie, I’m very sad. It’s been hard to go on. The house is quiet without you. And the fact that you’d leave it for where you are now? I can’t even pretend to understand. 

If this is what you really want, then you should do it. 

But don’t I at least deserve a goodbye? 

It was signed with his name. 

Virgil had already read this one, several months back when it first came in. It didn’t have the same impact it did before, not with everyone else’s words swimming in his head, proving his ex wrong. It still hurt. 

He picked up another letter. 

My dear Virgil, 

Do I not deserve a response? 

I hate to make you uncomfortable. It’s why I don’t show up at your door, like I could, and demand your attention. 

I’m always thinking about you. Are you thinking about me? Do you want to come home? 

You can come home. 

Another. 

My dear Virgil, 

Something is telling me you aren’t getting these letters. Even if I wasn’t granted a response, I’d at least see a reaction. 

Virgil’s stomach dropped. A reaction? 

Are your roommates protecting you? Isn’t that a little unfair, a little rude? To meddle with our relationship? We can solve this on our own. 

Don’t you want to come home? 

He flipped the envelope over. There was no stamp, only a return address. These were hand-delivered. Virgil might have thrown up. 

He thought back to his life before. The one thing that always got him was how dreadfully boring it was, the same thing over and over again, no end, never leaving. He had his plants and his sketchbook and his cooking, but that was all. 

But is boring really the biggest complaint he has? 

A lot of people go through worse. Roman— Roman went through worse. Roman had a reason to leave. Virgil was starting to think he didn’t. 

Another letter. 

My dear Virgil, 

I just wanted to remind you that I still love you. I won’t be angry if you decide to come home. I just want to take you back and lie you down in bed, wrap myself around you like I used to. If you come home, we can lay in bed and watch T.V. all day. We’ll order in. I’ll buy you a whole garden, if you want it. 

I’m willing to change. 

Don’t you want to come home? 

Virgil hated how it affected him. He fought back a smile, pressing the letter to his forehead and simultaneously trying to remember and forget. 

There weren’t many days like his ex described. They were rare, in fact. Did that just make them more special? Not many days where they cuddled under the blankets, the heater going as the snow fell outside. Not many days where Virgil didn’t have to cook, where they ordered from his favourite restaurant and ate in bed. Not many days his ex wrapped his arms around Virgil’s middle and pulled him close and murmured that he loved him. 

With Roman, that could be any day. Multiple times a week, sometimes. Did that make it less special? 

He didn’t want to leave Roman. But did he deserve Roman? 

E., 

Do you really want me back? 

His hands trembled as he wrote. Once he started, he found he had a lot to say. Some of it felt demanding, but if he was going to go back, there had to be some change, or he’d lose his mind. He didn’t ask for much. Barely anything, in fact. Some more days to eat in here, some days outside there. His own bank account. Maybe a day where he could borrow the car. 

It could be better, right? No more than he deserved, but better. 

He wondered if being with E. for so long, only really interacting with him, is what rubbed off on Virgil, or if he was like this from the start. Did it come from his parents? Did it come from him? Was it just him? 

Virgil hid the letter and came out of his room. 

“Virgil?” Roman jumped to his feet, but stayed at the kitchen table. His eyes were wide with worry. “Virgil, are you okay?” 

“I’m okay,” he promised softly. “Where are the others?” 

“Logan’s with Remus and Janus. Patton’s dropping off some orders.” He hesitated, drumming his fingers over the table. “Do you…?” He opened his arms. 

Virgil pursed his lips. He wanted desperately to fall into his boyfriend’s arms, but his stomach churned with guilt. He crossed the room to nuzzle into him, trying to ignore how bad he felt by rationalizing he would be gone soon. 

Something crinkled. He froze. Roman’s arms were around his waist, squeezing against the letter tucked in his waistband around his back. He waited. 

“We need to talk about what happened,” Roman said, and Virgil slowly relaxed. 

He pulled away. “Okay.” 

Roman cupped Virgil’s face. “We’ll wait until Patton gets back, okay?” 

Virgil nodded. 

Roman and Virgil sat in the living room together, watching movies while they waited for Patton. Roman sat on the couch with Virgil at his feet, working in his sketchbook. Roman eventually leaned forward to rub Virgil’s back. Virgil pressed his forehead to his knees, eyes fluttering shut. 

When Patton got home, his eyes widened. “Verge, hey!” He set his keys on the table and inched into the living room. “Are you feeling okay?” 

Virgil hesitated, and shrugged. “We need to talk, right?” 

Patton settled in the armchair nearby. “I think it would help.” 

They all hesitated, then Patton said, “I’ll start. I’m… I’m really sorry I hid the letters. I was really scared.” 

Virgil frowned. “Why?” 

“Well…” He avoided his eyes. “I didn’t want to upset you.”

Virgil’s chest squeezed. “Right. I- I’m sorry about that.” 

“And I didn’t want you to be, I don’t know… tempted?” Patton forced a smile and wiped his eyes. “But you’re stronger than that, I know.” 

Virgil frowned. His brain faltered a little, and he opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words. 

They must have mistaken his struggling for silence, because Roman said, “We understand why that happened,” he squeezed Virgil’s shoulders, “but we need to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

“It won’t,” Virgil promised instantly. “It won’t, I promise.” 

Patton and Roman looked at each other nervously. 

“That’s good, kiddo, but how do we know?”

“Trust me.” Virgil blinked back tears, his voice thick. “It won’t. I won’t let it.” 

“That’s not really how it works, stormcloud. You didn’t choose to lash out, so you can’t really choose not to. It happened because of something else.” 

Virgil stood on shaky legs. “Please trust me. I… I’m working on it. I’m working on something.” 

Patton and Roman stood as well. “Can we help?” Patton asked. “You don’t have to do this alone, Verge. It’s why we’re here.” 

Virgil shook his head. “No, I don’t need help. I— I need a walk. I’m sorry, I need… I just need some space.” 

“Okay,” Roman said softly. “Thanks for talking to us.” 

Virgil quickly kissed Roman’s cheek, then grabbed his coat and hurried out the door. 

Part of him was terrified of walking alone— What if E. came by and snatched him without warning? All his stuff was at home and his friends would never know what happened to him. 

But it was good to get some space to breathe. He walked to the post office and slipped his letter in the box, then took the long way home. 

A few days later, he got a response. 

He made a habit to check the mail himself, three times a day. Everyone assumed he had a bit of trust issues now, which wasn’t entirely wrong. 

My dear Virgil, 

It took you a while to get back to me. 

Virgil frowned, shifting uncomfortably. 

I was afraid you’d given up on me. Of course you’re still allowed back home. When can I pick you up? 

Virgil breathed shakily. 

They wrote back and forth over the next two weeks, negotiating pick up, travel, times— Virgil didn’t realize he was stalling. He kept wondering if it would be better to tell his friends or keep it to himself. He didn’t want to worry them. He didn’t want them to feel guilty, and obligated to stop him. He just wanted to quietly go and not bother them anymore. Not infect them anymore. 

That is what he wanted, right? 

One day, he came out to get the mail and frowned. The box was empty. At this point, he’d been getting a letter from E. every day. They weren’t exactly slowing down with their communication— they’d just agreed Virgil would meet him in a few days. E. was excited. 

A door creaked open. “Virgil?” 

Janus leaned in the doorway of his and Remus’ apartment, a letter between two fingers. “We need to talk.” 

Virgil paled. He felt like he was going to pass out. 

“Come on. Remus is at work, let’s talk.” 

Virgil hesitated, then reluctantly followed him into the apartment. Janus shut the door and handed Virgil the letter. 

My dearest Virgil, 

I’m so excited to see you again. I promise, you’ll be happy. I’ve already made some changes to the house that I think you’ll really like. And we can keep talking about the car thing, too, if you really must. 

Virgil smiled a little. 

He gasped as Janus snatched the letter back. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He hissed. 

Virgil shrunk in on himself. “I… I have to go back, you don’t understand.” 

“What, because you blew up, once? Because someone invaded your privacy? Something you just got back after three years of nothing?” Janus crossed his arms over his chest. “You have to go back? Have to?” 

He scrubbed at his eyes, collapsing into the desk chair. “Yes. I— I fucked up. I’m just going to keep hurting them—” 

“People hurt each other,” Janus snapped. “That’s what they do. You didn’t do it on purpose, did you?” 

“I didn’t even realize what I was doing,” Virgil whispered. “I just… got mad. And I couldn’t stop yelling, and…” Tears dripped down his face. “I couldn’t control it. I can’t— I can’t be like that, I can’t put them through that again.” 

Janus crouched down and forced Virgil to meet his eyes. “You are not a bad person,” he stressed. “You just got out, what, a year ago? Less? It’s not like you’ve got a weekly therapy appointment. You’re figuring this out on your own, it’s going to be hard.” 

“Stop making excuses for me,” Virgil begged. “I can’t explode on people like that!” 

“You can’t make a habit of exploding on people.” Janus sighed, elbows on his knees. “You made a mistake. Nobody wants to banish you for it. Sometimes people hurt each other. Fuck, Roman and Remus hurt each other twice a week— that’s a toxic relationship. But they’re working on it. That’s all you have to do. This?” He held up the crumpled letter, and spat, “This will not help anything.” 

“I deserve—” 

“Nobody deserves that.” Janus narrowed his eyes. “Nobody.” 

Virgil buried his face in his hands as he shook with sobs. Janus stood and rested a hand on his shoulder. He stayed silent while Virgil cried it out, eventually finding Janus’ hand and gripping onto it for stability. 

“What do I do?” 

“First things first, you need to tell your roommates about this.” 

“What?” Virgil’s head snapped up. “No! I—” 

“You’re clearly in a destructive head space, and I can’t stop you from self-sabotaging yourself every time.” Janus raised an eyebrow. “This was almost bad. They need to know.” 

Virgil sniffled. “I don’t— I can’t.” 

“I’ll go with you. Alright? You need to tell them, and I’ll help you.” He held out his other hand. When Virgil took it, Janus helped him up. “Come on. Let’s go tell them.” 

Virgil wanted to throw up. He wet his lips, and nodded. “Okay. Okay. I can do it.” 

He followed Janus out. 

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[tsbikersau]

Chapter 4

The days before a race in which Roman took part were always a bit blurry and hectic, even for Logan. Roman always got antsy, more and more so with each day bringing him closer to the race. It would not be anything that bothersome if he wasn’t trying to cover it up with being the most boisterous version of himself, and to top that off, he was very adamant at staying in the garage.

However, he was never racing against his brother before and no one could have predicted the mess he was.

Logan sighed after hearing Virgil almost yell for Roman to “leave me the fuck alone, Princey, or else I swear to God I’m sticking this wrench up your…” followed by a crash of things falling from the table. It was more than enough, Logan decided, standing up and dusting off his work pants.

He enjoyed getting to work with the machines, it was a much needed distraction from the administrative obligations of his position. He started noticing that he was actually working in his field of expertise less and less as the time went on, which was not ideal, but a necessary transition. He missed it, as much as he knew there was nothing to do about it, so it did made him a bit disappointed to have to cut this short because of the tension that needed to be resolved.

“Roman,” he spoke up, voice level, not leaving any space for arguing. “We appreciate your company. Still, you are coming with me.” He watched Roman open his mouth but one look made him shut it without argument. “Five minutes.”

Logan was aware that it came out more like a command and was directed towards the only one in the garage that technically wasn’t his employee, but it had to be done to be effective. He had to interfere before all the work got so stretched out that they would scramble to finish all checks and preparations on time.

Logan raised a brow at Roman, waiting for an affirmative. The expression made Roman snap out of whatever was going on in his mind and he nodded in the sudden silence that swept over the garage, cheeks just barely tinging with pink, while everyone was put on alert by the sole tone of their boss.

Accepting the gesture as the sign that the other agreed, he walked into the small changing room to get out of his work jumpsuit. He put it up on the hook in his locker, fighting with the small prick of resignation. He could have predicted that it would end in a similar way but he was just… stressed. Somehow the chaos in the garage always managed to seep into the administrative work as well; it was the usual, really, he was prepared for that. It did not help the stress, though.

He shook his head and closed the locker. Roman needed to get out of the garage before he made the situation worse. Virgil or Patton would take care of his work once they have the nuisance out of their hair (as much as it pained him to admit it to himself, and as much as Logan understood where Roman came from, in moments like this, he was a nuisance).

And the rest needed all the peace that they could get in the havoc before final deadlines.

He exited the room, his usual attire back on. All eyes turned to him for a second at the sound of the door opening.

“Virgil, Patton, would you be alright with closing up when you are done?,” he asked, hoisting his jacket up to rest over his forearm as he checked if his own keys were in the pocket of his slacks. They weren’t.

“Sure thing, boss,” came the answer from Patton, alongside a smile. He would never say it out loud, but his relief at getting rid of the distraction wasn’t all that hidden in the expression nor the tone of voice. Patton didn’t like to show that he minded the presence of any of them, especially knowing that it was just distress making the racer act like he did, but even Patton had his limits.

“And Roman?” Logan just quickly ducked into his office to take the lanyard with his keys off the hook by the door, but Virgil still had to raise his voice just a bit to make sure he was heard.

“Outside.”

“Thank you.” He decided to walk out of the big garage door so that he could pat the shoulders of his friends. He knew they were just as affected by the whole ordeal. “Don’t overwork yourselves. You are doing a great job.”

Virgil only smiled at that, always grateful for the praise. He knew that Logan appreciated them greatly without him having to resolve to over-the-top compliments. Patton laughed and waved his hand in a clear sign for Logan to just go.

“Have fun!,” he added as Logan was about to exit.

He had to go around the building to the front to meet up with Roman. The racer was standing near the door, back leaning onto the front of the building, arms crossed, foot tapping quite rapidly. If it wasn’t for the mix of worry and guilt in his expression, one could have assumed he was irritated.

“Roman,” Logan spoke up, startling the other.

“Oh, hi,” Roman slapped a hand over his face and groaned something like a more high pitched ‘oh hi’, clearly mocking himself. It made Logan smile a tiny bit. “I’m a mess, aren’t I?” he said a bit louder, this time meant to be heard.

Instead of answering, Logan motioned for the other to get off the wall and start walking, forcing down a chuckle. It felt like a foolish thing, truly, seeing how he had laughed at Roman’s jokes before, but for some reason the situation made him feel like he had to be on guard.

Another mental note to find some time to analyse his feelings and reactions, and the abnormalities thereof was made that second. For some reason the sole prospect of it made his stomach churn unpleasantly. He knew he was not going to like the result of that analysis.

It might have had something to do with the fact that he did know what the result may be.

But as for their present predicament, the thing was, he didn’t really have a destination in mind when he put the plan in motion. He didn’t mind just walking aimlessly for a bit, though.

The street wasn’t busy; it wasn’t empty either. On their side of the road the wall of buildings was all shops of various kinds. There was a dedicated sweets shop, made to look vintage - Patton loved it from the very first time he saw it. They did have some good chocolate selections, Logan just wasn’t the biggest fan of pure sugar sold in the form of candy.

There was also a small tea and coffee shop, selling the mixes but not a place to drink them. Virgil went in once and had to leave relatively quickly: as nice as the shopkeeper was, she was too overbearing for him. He went back in a few days later, this time more prepared (and a bit forced to, as he procrastinated getting his Secret Santa gift, his first contribution to the small tradition Patton started with Roman a few years prior and convinced Logan to take part because “it wouldn’t make sense with just the two of us!”. Virgil didn’t want to mess up and ended up stressing way too much, unnecessarily - later on, out of his earshot, Roman would be gushing to Patton about how nice and soothing the tea Virgil chose was).

And there was also the gear shop, just a bit further down, one that picked Roman’s interest as they were soon to passing it. They’ve been walking in a comfortable silence up until that point, not really realising it and not feeling the need to break it, both lost in their thoughts.

“Would you mind if we…?” Roman spoke up suddenly, motioning to the front door as slowed to a stop.

“Not at all.” How could he mind the detour when there was no set destination in the first place?

The inside was filled with shelves, somehow making use what little space they’ve got while simultaneously making it seem not that crowded. It focused more on the accessory side of the market rather than spare parts (Logan would have so much less trouble if he could just supply there, no need to worry about deliveries, he could just send someone over and that would be all), but their businesses complimented each other quite well.

It’s funny, how fate works. The shops came to be separately and without any previous planning. Logan’s crew didn’t know the owners and the owners didn’t know Logan.

He assumed they would know Roman, the rising star of motorcycle racing, though. In the past moths he’s become a recognisable face.

“Hey, look at this,” Roman called out almost immediately after walking into the shop, moving straight to one of the racks.

He took the sleeve of a jacket that was hung there to show what he was looking at before taking it off and holding it up, his head tilting to the side and eyes going back and forth between Logan and the jacket itself.

It made Logan feel weirdly scrutinised. Not the most pleasant sensation, he noted.

“It’d suit you if you raced,” Roman said, smiling softly for a second before catching Logan’s eyes, expression instantly losing that gentle fondness to make space for something that looked a bit more casual.

And it still managed to make Logan’s heart beat two beats a second for a small while.

“Thank you, Roman, I would rather keep on living,” he answered simply, voice and expression as deadpan as he could muster. He was going to indefinitely ignore all the physical abnormalities for now. It was not the time, nor the place for unpacking them.

Roman laughed at the words and stared to hung the garment back. “You know, you should come for a ride one day, you just might catch the adrenaline bug, Big Boss,” he said, not looking away from the task at hand.

“I seriously would rather not,” Logan repeated, turning to his side to look what the shelf there had to offer. Just don’t look at Roman, there was something almost dangerous in his eyes.

“Even with me?”

The question made him pause, or maybe was it the slight nervous undertone to an otherwise seemingly nonchalant question. Logan’s eyes went back to Roman, the surprise surely clearly visible. He was aware that the question was innocent, that he might be mistakenly taking it as sounding this particular way because of his own internal turmoil in relation to the racer, but Roman’s expression looked set and determined.

Logan tried to find a suitable answer but he couldn’t. He tried to speak, but found no voice there. Everything he tried out in his head to say sounded wrong. When did all of his words leave him?

“Logan, are you okay?”, Roman came up in front him, not too close, eyes suddenly filled with worry as he put one hand gently on Logan’s shoulder.

The contact made Logan flinch slightly, the result not being prepared for it (or maybe the overall speed of his mind trying to process his own behaviour that made him just a bit not in the present), which made Roman almost take it back before he must have realised that it was just surprise.

Or hope it was surprise. Logan wouldn’t know, but once he exhaled and let himself come back to now and here, relaxing his tense shoulders as he took in a deep breath, he appreciated the contact.

“I apologise for making you worry”, he said calmly after a few more seconds passed. His composure was back as if nothing happened, even though internally something still tried to fill him with some kind of emotion. “I’m alright.”

“Are you sure?”

Logan offered him a small smile. “I am sure”.

“Okay.” Roman took his hand back, also offering him a smile. Maybe a little unsure and concerned, but a smile nonetheless.

This time it was Roman’s turn to motion for them to keep moving.

They didn’t achieve anything by their short visit in the shop, aside from a small scene Logan hoped no one took notice of.

And as they neared Logan’s garage, having decided to come back on the condition that Roman will at most sit there quietly and read one of the books Logan kept in his office, the biker in question turned to Logan and smirked slightly, the worry now gone after Logan was able to converse with him on their way back.

That expression was well known to the other and it meant nothing but trouble.

“That date is still on the table, though, if you ever decide you do want to do something exciting for a change,” Roman said and vanished into the building, leaving Logan stilled in his steps for a second, heart picking up the speed for a few beats before he managed to bring himself back to reality.

Roman did not mean that. He was smirking, his voice tinted with humour. He was just teasing, he must have noticed the same thing that Logan did, that his first question sounded like an invitation on a date. Just a bit of teasing. A joke. Nothing more.

For the first time in his life, Logan wished it meant more.

--------------

Masterpost  ---  Next Chapter >>

Taglist: @xandromedan @mariita-2006 @compactdiscdraws  @private-snippers @bullet-tothefeels

[hydra-collector]

Suck Me Out

Ships: Intrulogical, some Intruloceit

Characters: Remus Sanders, Logan Sanders, Janus Sanders (minor character), Roman Sanders (minor character), Virgil Sanders (minor character), Patton Sanders (minor character)

TW: Self-harm, choking, autoerotic asphyxation (not really though), depression, self-deprecation, I don’t want to spoil but if any of those previous tags bother you even a little, I suggest you don’t read this (I’ll tag the spoiler, though), cursing

Words: 1,716

Summary: Remus wouldn't expect them to understand. He's intrusive thoughts, god of kinks. Of course they wouldn't see it. But once in a while he wished they would.

"I'm serious, Logan," Remus gestured to his tightly adorned garment, "necktie."

Logan rolled his eyes at his boyfriend. "When you're done with your kinks, join us for movie night. We finally get to watch a documentary."

Remus shrugged and pulled tighter the pretty blue tie that had previously been on Logan's neck. His face was purple from the cutoff of blood and his hand struggled to keep grip. He began to tilt backwards a little towards the wall before Logan took his arm and pried away the tie.

"Remus, stop. You're gonna fall."

"But it feels so good."

Logan only sighed in response and reclaimed the tie around his own neck, leading Remus to the living room. 

Roman was the first to speak out of the welcoming mumbles.

"Remus, save your arousal for night time. We're trying to watch a fun movie about space," though he seemed skeptical of the amount he could enjoy a documentary.

Patton scolded the two of them for mentioning such subjects, but swiftly put on the movie anyway. 

Virgil and Roman became surprisingly enamored in the science of black holes and their possible opposite, white holes. Logan excitedly paused it at multiple points to fawn over or elaborate on some of the research like a child. Remus, however, sat leaning against Logan, staring mindlessly at the television.

What if I was in a black hole? 

Remus tried to shake the thought off, but it was persistent. 

If black holes lead to white ones that spit you out into another universe, could my world here end? 

Maybe he'd be happy in this other universe. Something in his brain would change and the sadness would be gone. Or maybe it'd be traumatic. 

"...Remus!"

"Huh?"

"I paused the movie to see if you were alright. You did not seem to notice when I did."

"Yeah, I'm, I'm fine. Think I'll just…" mumbling off something about the bathroom. 

The minute he left he felt lonely. And stupid. Lonely and stupid. He shouldn't have let them see that. Now Logan's gonna be concerned because there's obviously something wrong. He stared intently at the mirror. 

Ugly. They hate me. 

What if he said that to them? He'd be guilt-tripping them and he'd be a terrible person. Even thinking it , he's a terrible person. Die.

His arms flashed to his neck, grabbing as tight as possible. His balance began failing… 

No, he can't do that. Then he worries them and they don't need that. How does he even know death is better than this?

Thomas doesn’t need him. Thomas doesn’t want him. His mental health would be better if he never even existed. Thomas doesn’t deserve what he does.

I want to fix that.

He can't help but cry. Muffled shrieks that must sound like moans from the living room. Sharp breaths that must sound like enjoyment slip out. Hits to his arms and legs that only add to the many bruises sound disgusting to them.

But none of it is. 

Sure, they have good reason to believe that Remus has some kinks, he is indeed mostly intrusive thoughts, which he’d admit is related to kinks, but he half-wished they wouldn't assume. He didn't really want them to know, but it killed him to be constantly alone about it. 

Alone.

Forever alone.

Logan, Patton, Roman, and Virgil. They’re the “light sides.” Of course he’s happy Janus got accepted, but… he doesn’t get that. He probably never will.

Fuck it. 

He tiptoed his way to his bedroom, ceiling adorned with a hook in preparation. On a day easier than this, he’d drilled it for today. Under his bed sat a box holding the rope, paper, and pen he’d carefully hidden. He thanked his previous self.

Tying the noose, his ears kept open for visitors wondering where he was. Before he hung himself at last, he wrote.

I’m sorry. 

Patton, Virgil, I love you. Janus, I love you. My brother, I love you. And Logan. I love you. Thank you for caring. 

But it wasn’t a kink.

He questioned if he should refer to Roman as his brother, and decided at last to do it. He didn’t want to alienate him as he died. He’d never get to tell him again.

I’m glad this is the end. I wasn’t needed.

He kicked the chair from under him.

Thomas will be happier without me.

As the rope constricted, relief and fear washed over him.

They all will.

“Remus!”

--

His throat hurt.

“Remus?”

He then noticed he could see a face. A beautiful face.

Logan?

“L-”

As soon as he tried to speak, his throat stopped him. Logan took his cheek in comfort.

“It’s okay, Remus. We found you. You’re going to be okay.”

He looked around to find he was sitting on his soft bed, pillows piled behind his head. The rope, and the hook were both gone. A drill, that had presumably been used to remove the hook, sat on the far dresser.

“We found your note.” It was Roman this time.

“I’m so sorry we ever thought it was a kink. We should have talked to you.” Logan’s eyes were gazing prettily at Remus’s.

“-”

He was reminded he couldn’t speak, so pointed to the paper on which his note was, and made a writing motion. Logan soon obliged to his wishes, though getting a different paper. Remus began to write. Again.

You had good reason to think it was.

He smiled a bit, and would have laughed, when Roman and Logan read this. They didn’t seem as amused as he was, and only looked worried. He flailed his arms to get the paper back.

Y’all don’t understand my sense of humor.

Where’s everyone else?

Logan beckoned to the door and Janus, Virgil, and Patton came in. Seeing Janus’s scales, his beautiful face… he never did get to ask him out.

Janus.

Logan brought him over while Remus wrote his message.

Probably not the best time, but I’d like to take this opportunity to tell you that both me and Logan have a crush on you.

“What?”

His human side grew red. Someone, who you like, who’s just attempted suicide telling you they want to date you is a very odd feeling.

“Remus, what did you-” Logan attempted to look at his message to Janus, and immediately shut up when he saw it.

Can I talk to Virgil now?

Virgil had been snickering in his corner, seemingly able to read the paper. He stopped as soon as he was called, putting on a more serious face.

Sorry Janus pushed you down the stairs.

“Wh- you’re not going to say some sad thing about me leaving the dark sides and you getting depressed? Just apologizing for Janus?”

I’m not going to blame it on you. It was Janus who pushed you down the stairs. And my idea.

“I’d call you an asshole but you’ve just attempted suicide and this is your daily personality.”

Remus made peace signs before requesting to talk to Patton, who unsurprisingly apologized over and over for treating Remus like a piece of shit. He did need to apologize, but Remus knew he was making an effort. Even if it wasn’t going very well.

Hey Ro-Ro, my bro-bro.

Roman also apologized. 

I mean we were literally split for you to be the “good” brother and me to be the “bad” one. If anything that made it the worst.

Roman had nothing to do but give him a hug.

Logan,

could I have a kiss?

Logan smiled and kissed Remus lightly on the cheek. He was pretty sure it wasn’t a good idea to kiss someone on the lips if they’d been frothing at the mouth. 

That was tiny!

He would have gone to cuddle and kiss Remus more if no one else had been there. For now, Remus hugged everyone individually until they dispersed. 

Thankfully, Logan was put on watch duty, to make sure Remus really was feeling better, as he seemed, and wouldn’t try anything.

Logan pressed kisses to Remus’s forehead, cheeks, and nose. His warmth bled onto Remus, who desperately needed it. Logan’s eyes were beautiful. His arms wrapped around him. He felt safe. Remus snuggled into the affection, nearly happy he’d attempted suicide and been found. But-

He picked up the pen and paper again, reluctant to let go.

Logan, what if I did that because I wanted attention?

“Hey, Remus, no. You did it because everyone’s been against you. It’s made you feel like you don’t matter. But you do. We need you. Even if you did because of attention, it was because you needed attention. It’s okay if you wanted attention. If you were willing to go to… those lengths just to get attention, you needed it.”

Logan

thank y-

Remus’s eyes filled with bittersweet tears before he managed to finish writing, and he clutched Logan tight. He let go again to tell him more.

I felt so horrible. I still feel so horrible. I’m sorry I acted so happy when I wasn’t. I know you care but I shouldn’t be here. All I do is hurt Thomas. Now I’ll hurt him even more because I failed. He’s going to feel like shit. I’d pull out my own organs and put them in my horrible person pile if I could. It would have been okay if I’d succeeded. I’m so sorry if you would’ve missed me, but I can’t keep hurting Thomas. If I would’ve died he would have been fine, but I failed so-

Remus sobbed into Logan’s arms again, laying as close as possible, feeling his warmth, his body as much as possible. His boyfriend rubbed his hand over his back, arms, through his hair. He was starting to cry a little as well. He felt so horrible that he hadn’t helped how Remus felt.

“Remus, if a part of Thomas died, he’d have a piece of himself missing. It may not seem like Thomas wants or needs you, but you’re a part of him nonetheless.”

What do I do?

“Remus,” Logan turned his boyfriend’s face gently to look him in the eyes, “all you need to do is stay alive.”

What if I can’t?

“I'll be with you. As long as you need. You stay alive as long as you can.”

[terminally-anxious]

Words hurt (part 4) Final

summary: Words have consequences, Virgil knows this better than anyone else. 

(Warning: This is a very heavy angst fic, if you are sensitive to any of the things I have put in the TW section, SKIP THIS FIC! DO NOT CLICK KEEP READING IF ANY OF THIS TRIGGERS YOU)

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, those fully belong to Thomas Sanders and his friends.

Word count: 1851

Tw: Blood, wounds, talking behind someones back, hate, self-hatred, body horror, gore?, cuts, crying, self-deprecating thoughts, angst, heavy angst, pre accepting anxiety with a horrible twist, shouting, anger, yelling, negative comments, vivid description of cuts, pain, stitches, swearing (if there are any more, please tell me, this is a very heavy fic.)

Master list

Pairings: Familial LAMP 

Roman had been avoiding him for days now. Virgil hadn’t seen him for about a week at this point, and he was starting to get really worried about the royal. When he asked Patton and Logan, they hadn’t seen him either. It seemed like that if Virgil wanted to talk to Roman, he had to go to his room. 

The anxious trait sighed, looking up at the grey door in front of him. Usually, the doors were colored with their respective colors, but Roman’s door had been slowly going gray since the argument in the living room. He sighed again, grimacing a little as the action pulled at his stitches. Steeling his nerves, he raised his hand and knocked on the door. 

“Roman? Are you in there…?” Virgil called out, listening carefully for a response. 2 minutes; utter silence. “Roman, please... We need to talk.” Nothing. 

‘Shit… where is he? What do I do now? Go back or push forward… C’mon Virgil, you need to talk to him, stop being so afraid!’ The anxious side took a steadying breath and grabbed the doorknob. 

“Roman, I’m coming in.” He announced, before pulling the door open and entering the room. 

The door made a soft click as he carefully shut it behind him. Virgil had never been in Roman’s room before, but it couldn’t have looked like this normally, Right?!

The entire room was dark as if the color had died or given up, the plants looked brittle and sick, each window had it’s curtains shut, forbidding daylight from entering. The light from the lamps was cold, the shadows seemed longer and more threatening. It almost looked and felt like his own room. 

“Roman...?” He hesitantly called out into the wast space, silently hoping for a response. His eyes scanned the room, looking for any sign of life. ‘There.’ A slight movement caught his eye, causing him to cross to the other side of the room, where a grand desk was located. Virgil let out a sigh of relief when he saw Roman asleep at the desk, though his brow did furrow when he saw the deep bags under the eyes of the royal. 

He reached out and shook the sleeping side. The reaction was instantaneous. Roman jerked awake, and when his eyes landed on Virgil, he quickly got out of his chair. 

A minute of silence passed between them. Each of them taking the time to access the other.  

“Virgil! I-” Roman began, only for his voice to falter.

“Well, you certainly look like shit.” The anxious trait stated bluntly. It wasn’t even an understatement, he looked like absolute shit. Roman’s clothes were rumbled and seemed to have splotches of ink all over. Most likely from whatever he was working on, on his desk before he fell asleep. His hair was in a disarray, the bags under his eyes rivaled Virgil’s own, and he looked pretty ashen.

“Why are you here…You shouldn’t be around me...” The prince mumbled, his eyes fixated on the neat row of stitches that stretched across Virgil’s face, before he turned his gaze away, ashamed.  

“I came to get you, duh. You’ve been avoiding us all for about a week now, and we need to talk about what happened.” Virgil responded. “First of all, you need to know that I’m not angry at you. seco-” 

“How?! How can you not be angry at me!” Roman’s eyes snapped back to him, this time tears making his eyes glossy. “I’m angry! No, furious at myself for causing that to happen!!” Roman gestured wildly to Virgil’s face, his hand shaking. 

“Rom-” The royal interrupted him again. “You need to leave, I’m dangerous to you!” Roman’s eyes were pleading with him, begging him to leave. 

“No. I’m not leaving.” Virgil shocked himself, he hadn’t meant to use his tempest tongue, but he couldn’t leave and let Roman rot in his own guilt. 

Roman seemed shocked as well for a second, but then grit his teeth and bit out; “Fine, if you’re not leaving, then I am.” The royal barely moved a muscle before a hand circled around his wrist. 

“No, you are not.” The grip wasn’t tight, but the moment he tried to strain against it, he found the grip unyielding. Virgil was looking at him with determination.

“We are going to talk and work this shit out. Because this isn’t healthy for any of us. You’re killing yourself over something I’m not angry about. Something I’ve kept secret from all of you for over a decade. Logan and Patton know now, but you need to listen as well.” 

Stunned, Roman shut his mouth, looking at the younger trait with wide eyes.  

Virgil took a deep breath and used his unoccupied hand to lift his shirt, exposing his stomach and chest. His Index finger pointed to a long scar on his right side. “I hope and dream to get rid of my anxiety.” 

Roman jolted as if struck by lightning, recognizing the words from the Lilly Singh video. His mouth felt dry as he connected the dots.

“I can’t stand that guy.”

“I’m no defeatist.”

“I do not like you.”

“No one wants that...” Virgil’s finger stopped at a pretty horrific-looking scar that rested over his heart. The anxious man’s eyes looked sad for a moment, before turning soft and looking directly into Roman’s eyes. 

“I-I never knew! Shit! Virgil!!” The creative side sobbed, his face conveying pure heartache. 

Dropping his shirt, Virgil gave Roman a rare soft smile. “I know… Your reaction when your words cut me across the face told me that. I just..” A shaky breath escaped the emo. 

“For so long thought you guys did it on purpose. wanting me to know how much you hated me, how little I was wanted… That’s why I was so antagonistic towards you guys, I was hurt and bitter.” 

“Virgil...” Roman took a step towards Virgil, hesitantly reaching out. 

“But you never knew, you didn’t know that your words hurt me. And how can I possibly be mad at you for causing harm without knowing?” The anxious side let go of Roman’s wrist, reached out and wrapped his arms around the royal’s neck, hugging him tightly against his chest. 

Roman let out a sob and wrapped his arms around Virgil’s waist. “But we still said those awful things to you, made you feel like t-that!” The creative side cried into the crook of the emo’s neck. 

Virgil tilted Roman’s head up, making him look him into his eyes. “It’s as I said to Logan and Patton… I don’t hate you, none of you, and I’ve already forgiven you. You could have lied to me, gone behind my back, but you didn’t… You actually made an effort to stop, to be kinder to me…” Virgil reassured, sincerity shining in his eyes. 

The royal’s face crumpled and he pulled Virgil back into the hug. “Action speaks louder than words princy. A one time slip up is to be expected, but I’m sure that it won’t happen again since you all know now.” Virgil whispered to Roman, gently rocking the crying side.

It seemed like the room started to regain its color and life again, and by the time Roman had quieted, the room looked much livelier than it had done when he entered it earlier

“Thank you, Virgil, I’ll do my best to make sure this doesn’t happen again.” Roman said earnestly as he pulled away from the hug. 

Using the sleeve of his hoodie, Virgil reached up and dried away the tear tracks on the royal’s cheeks. 

“Good. Now, my earlier statement still stands, you look like shit, so take a shower and come downstairs to the common room after you’re done. I’ll ask Pat and L to help me set up for a movie night, I think we all need something good right now.” Virgil snarked, giving him a genuine smile. 

Roman grimaced, running a hand through his dirty hair. “Yeah, I think you’re right storm cloud… I’ll see you downstairs then?” 

Virgil walked over to the door and grabbed the doorknob. “Yup.” He exited the room, but before he closed the door after himself, he turned back and called out; “Hey, wear your onesie!”

A muffled “Got it!” came through the now red door. Virgil smiled to himself, satisfied. Snapping his fingers, he shifted into his skeleton onesie and headed downstairs.

“Oh, Kiddo!” Patton greeted him with a hug when he came down the stairs, smiling widely at the sight of the emo’s onesie. 

“I assume your talk with Roman went well then?” Logan inquired, as he noticed the lack of tension in the youngest side.  

“Yup, he’s in the shower at the moment, but he’ll join us shortly for a movie night.” Virgil wrapped his hands loosely around Patton, who squealed with glee. 

“Oh! Is that why you’re wearing that humerus onesie?” Patton giggled.

A groan from Logan sounded in the common room.  

“What? I only want tibia honest.” 

“Patton…” Logan sighed, exasperated.

“Oh come on L, pat only wants to be hip,” Virgil smirked at the logical side as Patton broke into delighted laughter. 

“Not you too Virgil.” 

He just shrugged, unrepentant. “You two should also change into your onesies.”

Patton happily obliged, but Logan had to be threatened with more bad puns to change into his unicorn Onesie. 

“Before we start this movie night, may I check your stitches and clean them? We will most likely fall asleep down here, so we won’t have time to do it later.” Logan explained as he went to grab some cotton swabs and disinfectant.  

Virgil nodded and sat down on the arm of the sofa, letting Logan do as he pleased to ensure he didn’t get an infection. 

When Roman came downstairs, he had to pause at the landing as he watched Logan clean around the cut on Virgil’s face. A stab of guilt went through his heart, and he almost went back upstairs, but as if knowing what Roman was feeling, Virgil held out his hand to him, silently telling the royal to come to hold it. Uncertain, he hesitantly walked over and placed his palm on top of Virgil’s, feeling somewhat reassured when the emo intertwined their fingers.  

“See, Dr. Logan, the friendly neighborhood unicorn knows how to help.” Roman couldn’t help but laugh at Virgil’s snarky remark. 

Logan spluttered, his cheeks turning pink. “I will not be mocked by someone who made skeleton puns.” The logical side pushed his glasses further up his nose, feigning offense. 

Patton placed a hand on Logan’s shoulder. “Now, now, it’s all in good fun.” The moral side smiled, knowing that Logan wasn’t offended at all. “Besides we’re all gonna have an osteoblast watching movies together.” 

Virgil and Roman joined Patton’s giggling, as they watched Logan process the pun. 

 “T-that doesn’t even make sense!” Logan threw his hands in the air.

The emo gave Roman’s hand another squeeze as if saying ‘this is how it should be’. Roman squeezed his hand back, agreeing wholeheartedly. 

‘Yes, this is how it should be’.

End

Taglist: @ukaia @kiwisandsprinkles @nervousarts @test-subject-0012 @iloveleopards-blog-blog @imgay-andresdytoslep @kai-the-person @ironwoman359   @narniasfinestavengingsociopath @iris-sanders-athena @peanut0303 @emo-potato-virgil @darkle-elkrad  @a-pastel-pan @max-is-tired @twilight-glow

[chicagocityfclanspromoblog]

Keith ‘West’ Freemen → Hale Appleman→ Rat

→ Basic Information

Age: 37

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Bisexual

Born or Made: Born

Birthday: November 30

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius

Religion: Deism

→ His Personality Growing up, West couldn’t be described as anything else than a pleasure-seeker. Although he was a natural born leader and multilingual, West was that special person who believed that the pursuit of pleasure is the most important thing in life. Given, he still enjoys alcohol, parties, drama and mischief. In addition, West always composes himself in a nonchalant, confident and serene way; his mannerisms are extremely theatrical. However, this is all a persona to cover his own feelings of vulnerability and self-hatred that was instilled in him by his nonexistent parents. Because of this West is not quick to become close to or friends with others but when he finds someone he trusts then West cares for them extremely deeply. This devotion is visible in West’s love and loyalty towards Dakota.

→ His Personal Facts

Occupation: Team member of BOND and ANUBIS

Scars: Various marks and scars from past missions and a reckless life style

Tattoos: Dakota’s name written on his ribs close to his heart

Two Likes: Knowledge and HGTV

Two Dislikes: Slobs and Constant Negativity

Two Fears: Being a Target (not to be confused with being afraid hunters) and Spontaneous Combustion

Two Hobbies: Mixology and Ballroom Dancing

Three Positive Traits: Vulnerable, Caring, Loyal

Three Negative Traits: Self-Sacrificial, Hedonistic, Self-Hating

→ His Connections

Parent Names:

Maura Freeman (Mother): West has avoided speaking to her for a year now, the last one ended with a dig about his recklessness and Dakota’s missing eye

Richard Freeman (Father): West very rarely sees his father, and avoids eye contact if they pass in the halls. They haven’t spoken since Christmas of 2016

Rina English (Mother In Law): Rina took West in as if he was her own son. Since childhood she would pack a lunch for Dakota and For West, help with his homework, and nurtured him when his own parents’ negativity caused him to break.

Michael English (Father In Law): Michael was hesitant of West at first, but they bonded when West began to show interest in training to join Michael’s team, BOND. West learned everything he knows about BOND and spying in general from Michael.

Sibling Names:

Max “Keith II” Freeman (Brother): Maura and Richard decided to begin aging and have a second kid decades after West was born. He thinks he’s the replacement child. West only sees Max in passing, but doesn’t hate him.

Children Names:

None

Romantic Connections:

Dakota English (Mate): West never thought he would ever want to give up any of his freedom and make a commitment. Love was a four letter song he danced around. When Dakota gave up her eye for him, he couldn’t deny the depth of what was really there, the absolute love and loyalty that he didn’t think he deserved. They became very serious in the last year and recently eloped.

Platonic Connections:

Sam Whitney (Co-Worker): West was put in charge of training Sam when she was transferred over to ANUBIS. They bonded over their joint desire to have others trust them.

Jalissa Toll (Confidant): Jalissa honestly understands him. During a bad high, she found him and helped him through it. The next day they had a serious conversation and she introduced him to Roman, in addition to giving him a run down about human and supernatural drugs, and potions.

Odell Rella (Party Buddy): Odell and West have gained a friendship from their equal desires for a good party and West’s position in ANUBIS.

Roman Clerigh (Supplier): Roman was referred to West by Jalissa. He has a reputation for being the most trustworthy and discreet warlock to get potions and other illegal items from.

Hostile Connections:

Vee Armstrong (Hostile): Vee has a major stick up her ass. She’s very much a Yes Man and has literally ratted him out for being intoxicated or inebriated while during his watch on multiple occasions. West has even woken up in the middle of Lake Michigan after a long intoxicated nap, courtesy of Vee.

Jaychee London (Professor): Jaychee is West’s Econ professor. She makes him hate college more and more with every assignment. She said she’s trying to weed out those who can’t make the cut, but in the process is breaking the ambition of students who want to be there and deeming their hope in the education system. On multiple occasions West has been tempted to sneak into her office and destroy papers and wires, but has held off for now.

Pets:

None

→ History West wasn’t exactly planned by his young parents and is considered their mistake baby. He was a disappointment to them but he had no idea why or how to fix it. His parents kept him away from other pack members and out of daycare. He was unpopular, soft spoken, gangly and bullied by his human peers when he entered grade school. One day, in the 2nd grade, everything changed for him. In early May, right before school was to let out for the summer, Dakota English saved him from a massive beating by his bullies. Dakota threw rocks, knocking some kids out and distracting others, long enough for West to escape. He knew her from the pack but had never interacted with her before. That day they formed a lasting friendship and bond. Which was solidified by spending their summer vacation tormententing his bullies in rat form.

West found his voice with Dakota and broke out of the shell his parents built around him. He started incorporating himself into his pack, against his parents wishes, and quickly made friends with the other pack members his age and older. However, the damage made by his parents had already taken great effect on his early life. Nothing he did could please them and it finally took a mental toll on him. The new bonds he was forming weren’t enough to stop him from turning to drugs, smoking and potion mixtures once he was older. West had his first cigarette at the age of 11, he started smoking marijuana at 13, popped his first pill at 14, stole and drank his first intoxication hallucination potion at 16. That’s when he was caught by Jalissa Toll. She aided him but was obligated to tell Nick, Mills and his parents. His parents practically disowned him. That’s when they confirmed that they were trying for a new and better baby. While Nick and Mills tried to keep it from the pack, his parents outed his addictions, causing a newfound hatred for them.

Alongside Jalissa, Dakota started to aid West in his addiction, which is in part responsible for taking their friendship to the next level. Since the day that she saved his life from those bullies, West knew she was going to be his mate. He was sure she felt the same way, but silently they both seemed to agree not to act on their feelings or instincts. It was only after his accident with Jalissa, that he confided in Dakota and took their relationship to the next level, officially becoming a couple with intentions of being a mated pair. West started training for BOND at 17 by Michael, Dakota’s father. He told West it was his intention to keep him too busy to bed his daughter or participate in his drug usage. His thirst for knowledge helped him raise the ranking, with just 4 months into NERVOUS, beginners training/team, West was able to join BOND before he graduated High School. With the blessings of Dakota’s parents and Nick, West mated with Dakota after finishing their bachelor’s degree.

Even with everyone’s help and Dakota by his side, as he started to take on more responsibility, West started taking heaviers drugs and darker potions again. He and Dakota were out on a BOND mission, involving witches and warlocks, when everything went wrong. Inquiring about a liquid euphoria potion to the wrong witch had cost Dakota an eye. It quickly sobered him up. West blamed himself and his bad habits. It took him days to fully realize what Dakota had done, and what that meant from her. He agonized for weeks trying to show her his guilt and love and apology for what he did. After about a month, Dakota got sick of him hovering around her and they eased their way back to normal. West has cut back on his using a lot, but he still hasn’t kicked anything.

→ The Present West has returned to school for his Master’s degree and has been taking business courses online. Like Jaxson, and a select few other pack members, West wants to have his own business in SUGAR, while working with BOND and ANUBIS. West and Dakota have been saving up to start buying properties around the world to stay in during missions. They’ve been tossing around ideas but have yet to decide on what they’ll be selling or what services they want to provide. They’ve thrown around a non-suit clothing store, a bakery, and the current favorite, house flipping.

Last week the pack found out that they had eloped when someone ‘mistakenly’ opened a letter addressed to the both of them. It was their marriage certificate. Michael, Rina and a few other pack members have congratulated them. A few other members, including Nick,  have not brought it up. West can feel their eyes lingering on them longer than usual. He knows they’re the talk of the pack and they’ll have some questions to answer sooner rather than later, when everyone’s shock wears off.

→ Available Gif Hunts (we do not own these)

Hale Appleman (Keith ‘West’ Freemen) [1][2][3][4]

[mochasandwords]

A Knight and His Prince

Synopsys: After filming Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts, Virgil and Roman help boost each other's confidence while finding out new things about each other.

Words: 3,862

Warnings: mentioned abusive relationship, anxiety, Remus, mentioned Deceit, blood, self-deprecation, bruises, kissing, cussing, head trauma, tickling

Virgil

Virgil was shaking as he emerged into the Mind-scape. Why did Remus have to show up? Why did he tell Thomas he used to be a Dark Side? Why couldn’t he be strong enough to protect Thomas, Patton, Logan, and Roman?

Why did he always have to be such a disappointment?  

Virgil’s mind started to spiral deeper into darkness, something that hadn’t happened since he had been accepted as a Light Side. His breath came in sharp, ragged forms and his shaking intensified. He could almost hear Patton telling him to breathe.  

“Virge?” Asked a voice. Virgil spun around to see Roman standing behind him, hand on the back of his head. Just seeing the prince helped calm Virgil. Despite being the reason that Roman had gotten hurt, Virgil had wanted to run and hug him. Instead, he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets.

“Hey Princey,” Virgil said with a smirk, pushing down his feelings. Thankfully he hadn’t been crying.

“I thought you would be in your room. You normally go there to recharge after filming.” Roman said, the normally regal tone of his voice gone.  

“I was just taking my time. Checking to see if Remus was still hanging around. What about you?” It wasn’t a lie. He had been taking extra care to make sure Remus wasn’t lurking anywhere.

“I was doing the same,” Roman said. Virgil squinted at him. Roman was paler than normal and his hand hadn’t moved from his head.

“Are you alright Roman?” He asked, “You’re kinda pale.” Roman sighed and pulled the hand away from his head, revealing some blood on it.  

“Remus hit me pretty good.” He tsked, “I should never have given him that stupid morning star.” Virgil frowned and circled to Roman’s backside. He grimaced at the wound on Roman’s head. It wasn’t deep, but there was enough blood to dampen the hair around the wound.

“Come on, this needs to be patched up,” Virgil said, grabbing Roman’s wrist and pulling him toward his room, pushing down the blush that was fighting its way onto his face.

“Why are we going to your room then?” Roman sputtered.

“I have a first-aid kit,” Virgil replied.  

“Oh,” Roman said quietly. Thankfully, Virgil’s room was near-by. His room was closest to the stairs, with Patton right next door, then Logan, and lastly, Roman. Virgil reached for the silver doorknob on his dark oak door and pushed it open. He led Roman into his room and gestured to his bed.  

“Sit there. I’m going to go grab the kit.” Virgil said, releasing Roman’s wrist and walking over to his closet.

Roman

Roman’s wrist felt oddly cold when Virgil released it. He ignored the feeling and looked at Virgil’s room. It was far different than what Roman had expected. For one, it was small. Secondly, fairy lights hung around the edges of the ceiling. They flashed in synch. They reminded Roman of the beats of a calm heartbeat. They grew bright, then faded out, then grew bright again. The lights calmed Roman’s own racing heart.  

It wasn’t his brother’s appearance that had been making his heart race.  

“Don’t make it weird, Princey. It’s just a bed.” Virgil sighed, making Roman jump. 

“Sorry,” Roman muttered, not missing when Virgil froze and looked at Roman over his shoulder, cheeks slightly red. Roman felt his own cheeks grow red, but he moved to Virgil’s bed and sat on the edge. It wasn’t fluffy, but it wasn’t stiff. Roman could jump up from it easily if he needed to, but he could also fall asleep comfortably. Unlike his own bed, there wasn’t a canopy around Virgil’s. Nothing to get tangled in when getting up from the bed. In fact, Roman noticed the bed was directly across from the door.  

The door. It was beautiful.

It was a heavy, dark oak door with a black lever handle. On the side that faced the hallway, it looked like a normal door. On the side that faced the room, though... It had black paint designs like that of vines running along the edges and turned into a rose at the top. Four petals fell from the maroon rose: dark purple, sky-blue, red, and indigo. Another thing he liked about the door, was that he knew Virgil had painted the designs.

Roman continued to look around the room, noticing that three of the walls were a dark gray, and the one across from the door was a dark purple. On Roman’s right, there was a two-tier shelf that hung from the wall and was full of stuffed animals. Like, fifteen on each section. Above the shelf was a drawn picture of Logan, Patton, Virgil, and Roman. ILY was written next to Roman with a big heart above it. The picture was hung in a black picture frame. All around the picture hung other pictures of the other Light Sides. Even Roman was hung in a picture frame.

To Roman’s left was a full bookshelf and Virgil’s closet. Roman tilted his head to read some of the book titles. Grimm’s Fairy Tales. Out of My Mind. Carry On. Les Misérables. Hamilton. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Wonder. Turtles All the Way Down. Paper Towns. Welcome to Nightvale. Hunger Games. All Quiet on the Western Front. Pet Cemetery. Be More Chill. Dear Evan Hansen. And so many more that Roman liked, didn’t know of or didn’t like very much.  

“Hey, Virge, who gave you all the stuffed animals and books?” Roman asked.  

“Patton gave me all the stuffed animals and pictures. Logan gave me the books. Both were to help me cope with panic attacks. Patton’s gifts go to the right side of the room and Logan’s go the left. My stuff is hung up behind my bed.” Virgil said from inside the closet. Roman turned around to see many posters. 21 Pilots. Imagine Dragons. Skillet. Panic at the Disco. Billie Eilish. Fall Out Boy. My Chemical Romance. Pentatonix. The Nightmare Before Christmas. Beauty and the Beast. The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Lion King. Roman whistled in admiration.

“Impressive!” Roman said.

“Thanks,” Virgil grunted.

“What about my wall?” Roman teased. Virgil’s head popped out of the closet and he raised an eyebrow.  

“Really Sir-Sing-A-Lot?” He asked. Virgil rolled his eyes and nodded to the wall with the door. Roman turned to look at it. The wall was empty. Guilt ripped through Roman.  

“That’s supposed to be yours.” Virgil said, going back into the closet, “Where the hell is the kit?” He muttered. Roman barely heard it. Had he really not given Virgil anything?  

And he hoped that Virgil could ever like him the same way that he liked Virgil?

“Found it!” Virgil announced. Roman saw Virgil stand on his tiptoes as he reached for something up high. There was a shout as Virgil slipped and he fell out of the closet, boxes falling with him.

“Virgil!” Roman cried, leaping up from the bed despite the pain it caused his head. Virgil groaned from his position on the floor.

“Got it.” He smiled sheepishly as he held up the first aid kit, blush all over his face. Roman sighed.  

“Let me help.” He said, reaching out a hand. Virgil accepted it and pulled himself up. They stood side by side, looking at the mess. Virgil shoved the first aid kit into Roman’s arms and knelt down to start putting away the stuff. Roman put the kit on the bed and started to help.

“Get on the bed.” Virgil snapped, “We don’t need you to injure yourself more.”

“Picking up stuff won’t injure me,” Roman said, eyeing the two boxes that had fallen. Virgil growled and started to shovel stuff into a box more quickly. Roman didn’t even have the chance to touch anything before Virgil was done.  

“If you really want to help, the rest of the stuff can be put in that box. I need to find the lid to this one.” Virgil muttered, pointing to the other box. He then looked around, probably trying to see where the box lid could’ve flown to. Roman put the things that were left on the floor into the leftover box with more care than Virgil had.

Roman couldn’t help himself from glancing at the occupants of the other box. He noticed many wrinkled and scribbled on photos. There was a locket, a snake plushie, a yellow shirt, a journal, and a few books. A lid slammed onto the box, making Roman jump. He looked up to see a very upset Virgil. He was worried at first that the anger was directed at him, but he soon noticed that Virgil’s gaze was trained on the box’s lid. Roman tore his eyes away to look at the two-headed snake that was drawn onto the lid. A huge red x was drawn over it.

“...please just ignore all that stuff,” Virgil whispered, his voice wavering.  

“Virge…” Roman started. Virgil ignored him and picked up both boxes, shoving them far back into the closet. Roman sighed, eyes trailing back to the bookshelf. He tilted his head to read a title that had stood out to him before. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Things started to click into place as memories came back to Roman.

There was a knock at Roman’s bedroom door. He groaned and sat up, rubbing his eyes.

“Who is it?” He asked. He knew who it was. The obnoxiously rapid and loud knocks gave it away.

“Who else comes late at night?” Remus asked, opening the door dramatically. Roman sighed.

“I didn’t say you could come in.” He muttered.

“You didn’t say I couldn’t,” Remus replied. Roman rolled his eyes and smiled a bit. As annoying as his brother was, Remus had his enduring moments. Though that comment wouldn’t be enduring to the other Light Sides, most likely. Roman scooted to one side of his bed and patted the side of his bed, inviting Remus.

“Shoes off first.” Roman yawned. Remus pouted but obliged.  

“So, what happened?” Roman asked.

“They’re fighting again,” Remus answered, as vague as ever. Roman hummed. Remus had been coming into Roman’s room more and more, wanting a place to sleep. His only excuse was that two people were fighting.

“I think they’re going to be breaking up soon,” Remus muttered, his voice already sounding tired.

“Wait. Romance drama?” Roman perked up.

“Uh-huh. I normally don’t care about that stuff, as you know, but the relationship is… awful. Even by my standards.”

“You don’t have standards.”  

“Exactly,” Remus said. Roman gave him a confused look.

“Look. It’s not a good relationship.” Remus muttered.

“How so?” Roman asked with full attention on his brother. He frowned as he noticed that Remus was asleep. Roman sighed and laid back, kind of wishing he and his brother could switch for a day so he could help the two lovers.

Roman looked back at Virgil, his mind racing.

“Virge. Were you and Dee together?” He whispered. Virgil flinched.  

“Let’s get you patched up, Roman.” He said, climbing onto the bed and grabbing the first aid kit. Roman stayed where he was.

“Roman,” Virgil said, his voice becoming kind of echo-y. Roman sighed and climbed onto the bed, sitting cross-legged in front of Virgil.

Virgil

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Virgil scolded himself in his mind. You just had to fall and grab onto that box. You’re a freaking genius, Virgil. And it opened in front of Roman! Not only the side that loves drama but also the side you have a crush on! You are so smart!

“Virgil. Do you want to talk?” Roman whispered. Virgil jumped and ripped the gauze to small. He sighed in frustration and got a newer, bigger piece. He put it aside and grabbed some peroxide.  

“I don’t know what happened, but we’re here for you. Even me.” Roman said. Virgil couldn’t hold back a scoff.  

“Virgil. I’m not kidding. I know I was a jerk to you in the past and I am so sorry for how I treated you. I had no good reason. I can only guess that you came to our side to get away from the Dark Sides. And I ruined it for you.” Roman sighed. Virgil froze as he started to put on the gauze. Roman turned and gave him a small smile.

“I’ll take that as a yes?” He asked. Virgil puckered his lips. He’s been spending time with Logan. He sighed inwardly.

“Maybe. And if it really means anything to you, yeah. Dee and I were a thing. He’s the reason I left.” Virgil muttered.

“Patton and I used to date,” Roman said.  

“Uh…” Virgil stuttered.

“I thought, if you’re opening up, I can too? Try and take a step in the right direction after all the wrong ones?” Roman asked, blushing a bit. Virgil couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“Sorry.” Roman started.

“No! It’s fine! I just wasn’t expecting it! No one’s opened up to me like that before. And I never would’ve guessed you would be the first.” Virgil gave Roman a crooked smile and Roman’s smile returned, his blush increasing. Virgil felt his own face grow red.

“I can see you and Pat. What happened?” Virgil asked hesitantly. Roman shrugged.  

“We just realized we saw each other as friends. Plus, I think Logan and Pat are cute.” He ended off with a mutter.

“I take my previous statement back. They are kinda cute.” Virgil nodded.

“Did the emo side just say ‘cute’?” Roman teased. Virgil’s blush increased even more.

“I-um-you three have been changing me.” Virgil huffed, pretending to pout. Roman laughed.

“Just turn your head back, Princey.” Virgil smirked, pushing Roman’s head back to its neutral position, “I need to put one more piece of gauze on. Did your brother get the sport aspect as well as the good looks? That hit was pretty well aimed.”

Roman whipped around with a gasp and offended sputtering. Virgil snickered, then yelped as Roman pushed him onto his back.

“Take that back!” Roman said, mischief in his eyes.

“Make me,” Virgil smirked.  

Roman

Roman lifted a hand and immediately aimed for Virgil’s stomach. Laughter erupted from Virgil’s mouth as the prince tickled him.

“Evil!” Virgil shrieked between laughs.

“Well if you’re going to compare me to my brother!” Roman smirked. Virgil tried to squirm away, but the creative side had him trapped.

“Mercy! Mercy!” Virgil begged.  

“Take it back!” Roman ordered. He partially hoped that Virgil didn’t. He loved seeing this side of him. Unworried. Relaxed; well, as much as one could be while being tickled. Eyes full of bliss and empty of fear and apprehension. It made Roman’s crush only intensify.  

Virgil’s eyes widened as he stared at something over Roman’s shoulder.

“L-logan!” Virgil announced. Roman fell for the trick and turned to look at the door. With a grin, Virgil pushed him off and bolted out the door, laughing. Roman sat there, processing what had just happened. Then he smiled and leaped up from the bed, chasing after Virgil.

Emile

Emile had been sitting on the living room couch with Remy laying in his lap when Virgil careened down the stairs, threw his jacket over the TV, and hid behind the kitchen counter. Emile glanced at Remy. Remy shrugged sleepily. He was letting Thomas have a nap, so he was a bit tired.

“You and Virgil don’t get along very much, do you?” Emile asked, putting his notebook down on the coffee table next to Remy’s sunglasses and both of their coffees. Remy shook his head.

“He’s changed,” Emile said. Remy gave him a skeptical look.  

“The others have helped him.” Emile pointed out.

“And you,” Remy muttered. Emile tilted his head. He had helped Virgil in passing, but most of the time they had spent together was just hanging out with the others included.

“You two remind me of Edward and Ling from Full Metal Alchemist.” Emile suddenly blurted out. Remy rolled his eyes, but Emile saw the smile on his face.

“How so?” Remy asked.

“Well, you two aren’t exactly like the anime characters, but your relationship is similar. You two argue because-.” Emile started.

“Virgil! You can’t hide! The knight always finds his prince or princess!” Roman said, running down the stairs. Roman’s gaze locked on Virgil’s jacket and he ran over to the TV, searching behind it. He grabbed the jacket and scanned the living room. He walked over to Emile and Remy.

“Have you seen Virgil?” He asked, a huge smile on his face. Emile noticed Virgil crawling out from behind the counters and heading toward the stairs. Virgil put a finger to his lips as he started up the stairs slowly.

“Nop-.”

“Behind you.” Remy yawned. Roman whipped around and grabbed Virgil, holding him bridal style. Both of their faces were red.

“I hate you, Remy.” Virgil sighed.

“Virge.” Emile scolded.

“Right back at ya’. That was pay-back for not letting me and Thomas sleep last night.” Remy smirked.

“Remy!” Emile gasped. Remy’s smile wavered.

“Sorry.” He whispered. Emile sighed and kissed Remy’s forehead, not noticing when Roman carried Virgil back up the stairs.

Virgil

Virgil couldn’t believe how quickly things had escalated. What was more, he was being carried by his crush. Roman carried him back into his room and placed him on the bed before climbing up himself and sitting next to Virgil.

“Did you call me your prince?” Virgil asked, Roman’s words rushing back to him as he sat up. Roman turned as red as his sash. He started to fiddle with Virgil’s jacket, which he was still holding.  

“Maybe.” Roman murmured, “I apologize if it offended you. It just came out. When my adrenaline’s high, my emotions come tumbling out- wait frick. I mean-.”

“Do you like me, Ro?” Virgil asked softly, hope bubbling at his heart. Ever since he had learned that Roman was far different from his brother, he had grown to like him more and more. With each new video, Virgil noticed something else about the prince that he liked. How he always used his hands to express himself. How well thought out his comebacks were. Virgil had also noticed that Roman wasn’t as confident as he tried to be. That was something Virgil connected with and understood. Making him love Roman even more.

Roman let out a strangled cough and nodded.

“Wow. For the romantic side, you aren’t the best at romance.” Virgil smiled. Roman frowned. Virgil, heart racing and hand shaking, reached up to Roman’s face and pulled him down the couple of inches so that Virgil could kiss him on the cheek. Roman lit up again.

“That was romantic?” He teased.

“Hey. I never learned how to romance right.” Virgil pouted, pushing Deceit from his mind. This was one memory he would not let the snake taint. Roman chuckled and pulled Virgil into a kiss. Virgil jumped at first, then leaned into it. He felt Roman’s hand intertwine with his and felt Roman’s other hand wrap around his waist to pull him closer.

Virgil was sad when Roman pulled away.

“How was that for romantic, my Stormcloud?” Roman whispered, sending shivers down Virgil’s spine. Virgil smiled even wider.

“Amazing.” He replied, putting his head on Roman’s chest. Roman laid them back against the pillows, wrapping both of his arms around Virgil.

“I don’t know what happened with you and Deceit. All I know was that it was bad. I promise you, Virgil, that I will show you that you deserve to be loved 24/7. I will always be there for you. I love you.” Roman murmured. Virgil hugged Roman tighter.  

“Can you… say that again?” He asked.

“I love you?” Roman replied. Virgil nodded. The next thing he knew, his head was being peppered with kisses.

“I love you.” Roman said with each kiss, “I will love you until all the stars burn out. We were meant to be.” Virgil snorted.

“Kinda cliché.” He said. Roman shrugged.

“Just being here with you makes me feel complete. If that doesn’t mean anything, then I don’t know what does.” He replied.

“True. I feel it too.” Virgil sighed contently, “I l-love you too, Roman.” Strong arms pulled him even closer, making Virgil feel the safest he had felt in a long time.

“Oh, and you’re way better looking than Remus,” Virgil muttered against Roman’s sash. Roman chuckled.

“You’re more beautiful than both of us. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“Thanks, Princey,” Virgil said, voice wavering. Beautiful? He was… beautiful?

Roman wiped away tears Virgil didn’t know he had shed.

“Don’t cry mi amor. It’s true. So true. You are beautiful. So, freaking beautiful.”

Patton

Patton smiled as he closed Virgil’s door. He had been planning to give him some cookies but had backed out once he saw his dark son cuddled up with Roman. He looked at the clock. 8:30pm. How long have they been like that? Patton’s smile widened. Virgil deserved to be happy and Patton knew Roman would give him all the happiness in the world.

He remembered when he had first found Virgil. It was before Virgil’s room had moved. Heck, it was before Virgil had shown up in a video! The anxious side had been curled up in a corner, crying. Bruises had brandished the pale one’s skin, and he had looked like a caged animal when Patton had tried to help him. Even though he had been a Dark Side, no one deserved to be hurt like Virgil had been.

Patton had offered Virgil his room, but Virgil had shaken his head, distrust painted across his face.

“How do I know you’re not him?” He had snarled. Patton had reached out a hand.  

“Anxiety, are you talking about Deceit? I can promise you, I’m not him.” Patton had whispered. He hadn’t known Virgil’s name then.

“Then why are you here?” Virgil had growled.

“I’m here because you’re hurt. I want to help. Please let me help.” Patton’s eyes had been blurred by tears at that point. What had Deceit done to hurt Anxiety this much? Why couldn’t the Dark Sides and Light Sides live together? They could protect each other and talk things out. But maybe it was a good thing that Deceit wasn’t with Patton and his friends… Patton didn’t want to see his friends hurt. Patton had shaken his head. No. No one deserved to be excluded and cast out.

Patton had opened his arms, begging silently that Virgil would run into them. After a few seconds, Virgil had gingerly placed himself into Patton’s arms. Patton had started sobbing and wrapped his arms around Virgil tightly. Virgil had started crying almost instantly and leaned into Patton’s hug.

Patton pulled himself out of the memory, tears blurring his vision. He smiled at Virgil’s closed door before walking toward Logan’s, cookie tray still in hand.

Treat him well, Roman. He deserves the world after what he’s been through.

@stop-it-anxiety @bluedressandreadytoimpress @diamonds-122

[malakhai-ozera]

Thread || Khai & Roman

Discord text thread featuring: Khai & @romanbeckett

Mentions: @ella-isms Landon, Jaycee, Aaron

When:  June 12th

Where: Starts at the theater and then moves to Khai’s apartment.

Description: Landon drops Khai off at the theater to meet up with Roman after he hooked up with Ella and leaves her penthouse.

Trigger Warnings: INTENSE EMOTIONS && SMUT!!!

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Ro was worried about Khai, and how couldn’t he be? He had no idea what was going on with the other male really, and that was...a weird feeling. He was always so used to being able to tell eachother anything, knowing what the other was thinking for the most part. Roman didn’t feel that way now, and it just felt so...hopeless. “C’mon, we’ll go hangout downstairs, watch some tele or something.” He assured Khai as soon as they entered the theater, leading him downstairs to the part of the theater that housed an apartment type basement with extra dressing , and costume rooms. “You hungry? I’ll make you some coffee. Relax on the couch.”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ To be honest, when Roman texted him asking if he was okay. His first though was that Landon texted him. But he felt a sense of relief. He wanted to text Roman so bad with the situation. But he also didn’t know how he’d react and he didn’t wanna hurt him. He felt he already did that enough with moving out. He followed Roman into the theater and downstairs to the fancy apartment like space. Raising his eye brows a bit as he looked around and chuckled. “Damn, Ro. You got your own little love nest down here” he teased. Walking over to the couch and taking a seat. “No, I’m good. Just come sit with me. Please.” Khai knew he just kept making a mess of things and he wished it could all just stop. He just couldn’t keep himself from feeling so passionately about the people he loved.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ “My home away from home!” He shrugged, smirking at the smaller male as he tucked his hands into his pockets. He could tell Khai was at his absolute limit, or close to it at least. Ro was just so glad that he hadn’t done anything too stupid yet. Roman nodded when Khai requested he come sit down, obliging his friend by taking a seat right next to him on the couch. He insticntly moved his arm behind the smaller, and crossed one leg over the other. “Wanna talk?”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ “I can see that. Very snazzy” he grinned. His eyes followed Roman as he walked over and took a seat beside him and his grin turned into a smile. Roman always had so much swag without even trying. “Yeah, I always wanna talk with you. How have things been? How are you?” Of course Khai already tried to deflect from himself. But he got there eventually.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Ro actually smirked, and then dropped his head back in a short laugh. Of course Khai was gonna turn this around to just a normal, everyday catch up. As if Roman had meant make regular small talk. “I’m okay. I mean, stressed to the max, and in emotional distress as usual.” He joked, and then turned so that he could face the other male better. “But, you know I’m currently more interested in how you’re doing.”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Roman’s laugh caused Khai to pull his bottom lip between his teeth. His attention was fully on the other male as per usual. His hand moving to rest on Ro’s knee. “I’m sorry, Babe. I wish there was something I could do to relieve your stress.” Licking his lips as Roman turned to face him more directly he looked down at his hand on the other males leg. “Yeah, I’m doing okay. I’m just a mess. Nothing new” he shrugged.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Khai wasn’t talking, just like he’d expected. It was like lately, he choked on the details, and really getting out what he needed to get out. Roman missed his best friend so fucking bad, even over being lovers, and roommates. He loved Khai, and wanted him to be okay, and make better choices for himself. Ro placed a hand on top of the smaller’s as he leaned forward, intense green eyes focusing on Khai before he decided to say anything. “Khai. Talk to me. What happened with Ella?”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ It definitely wasn’t like Khai to hold back so many details. I mean, sure he would beat around the bush. But this was different. He didn’t mean to be this way though. He was still just adjusting to being sober and learning to handle his emotions in a way he hadn’t felt them before. Roman placed his hand on top of his, and Khai instantly rubbed the back of his hand with his thumb. It was just natural for him to be intimate with Ro. He loved him so much, that wasn’t going to change any time soon. If ever! When Roman leaned in, Khai could feel his eyes on him and he began to tear up. “I- uh-“ he began but shook his head. “I’m such an idiot, Roman. She hurt me so bad and the first second she texts me I’m falling right back into her bed.”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ “Khai...” Roman’s face fell when Khai finally answered his question, an answer he already knew, but hearing it come from the other man’s lips in such a heartbreaking way...he hated this. Ro knew better than anything that he’d been a huge cause of hurt for Khai as well, but that didn’t mean he could handle anyone else hurting him either. “Babe, that’s how love is. It makes us do stupid shit, it doesn’t make you an idiot, okay?” He turned his hand over so that his palm could connect with Khai’s. “We all make mistakes because we want so badly to chase that good feeling we’ve had over, and over again, even if we know it’ll never be the same.”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai held onto Romans hand tightly, lacing his fingers through his. His shaky breathing from trying not to full on cry was making his whole body shake. “I know you’re right. I mean, I am and idiot. But you’re right. I just wish I could have been this understanding for you. I know I was awful. I just love you so much and I was just so scared to lose you.” Shit, Khai. Just shut up now. Focus on Ella here. “I lost her, I pushed her. I was so jealous, and she was... she was awful and selfish. I did the same thing to you.” It was inevitable now. The tears were coming down his cheeks and he couldn’t even hide it. “Why am I such a fuck up. I don’t deserve anyone. I don’t deserve to live.” Those last words crept out of him without his control, and he wasn’t sure if he really meant them. He had never been suicidal. But the thoughts were there regardless. He just hoped Roman knew him well enough to know he’d never actually take his own life.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman furrowed his brows when Khai turned this into issues from their relationship, already shaking his head before the other could even finish talking. He didn’t want him to feel even an ounce of guilt about what happened between them, especially not to the extent of not feeling deserving of life. “Malakhai.” Roman used the man’s full name, trying to snap him out of whatever this downward spiral was that he was going through right in front of his own eyes. Ro lifted his hands now to cup both sides of the smaller’s face, green eyes darting over Khai in a worried frenzy. “Don’t you dare.” He never wanted to hear words like that come from anyone’s mouth, but especially not Khai’s. “You deserve all the fucking good in the world. Every bit of it. You deserve better than me.” He tried to convince the other. “You deserve better than all of this, and it breaks my heart that you think the opposite.”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Roman sternly said his full name and Khai’s eyes moved back up to meet the green orbs glaring back at him. Romans hands cupped around his face, giving him no other option than to settle and focus. “Roman” he breathed out. His hands coming up to rest on top of Romans on either side of his face. “That’s not true. You deserve all the happiness in the world too and how am I supposed to get better than you. When you were always the best in my eyes.” He shook his head as he licked his lips and pressed his forehead to Romans. “I’m not trying to make this about us, and I’m not gonna stop living. I just want us to be okay again. I miss the way things were. Before I made things so awkward.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in to try and relax a bit more. His hands still shaking on top of the others. “I think I still love her Roman. She told me she missed me and that I’m carved into her brain and I just... I don’t even know what to do.” His thoughts were all over the place. But that’s what happens when you stop taking the medicine prescribed to you for ptsd and bipolar disorder. “I haven’t been taking my medicine. I’ve been trying to completely sober up. But all I wanna do is be numb.”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Ro literally didn’t know what to say to that. He felt stunned, green eyes searching hazel, as if he was trying to figure out if he was being serious or not. Roman felt like all he’d done is make Khai feel terrible all the time, constantly second guessing if he was enough when Ro wanted more than anything for the smaller male to see what he was worth. He closed his eyes, taking in a deep inhale through his nostrils when Khai pressed their foreheads together. “Khai, we are okay.” He tried to assure the other, pulling back so that he could look him in the eyes for good measure. “As far as I’m concerned, you and I are perfectly fine. You’re one of my best friends, and I love you. All I want, is for you to be okay. You need to stop focusing on others like me, and especially Ella. Focus on you, and getting better.” He rubbed his thumb over Khai’s defined cheekbone. “You need to take your medicine, it’ll help you stay focused. And I’ll always be here to help in anyway I can. Jay, too. And Landon. All of us.”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai was a lover, there was no doubt about that, and even though Roman’s words were true. He couldn’t stop himself from focusing on them, or Ella. He loved them all so much, including Jaycee. He just felt so torn about everything. There was one thing he did know for sure though, and that was he didn’t want to lose any of them. “Roman, you’re my befriend too. I hope you always know that, no matter what. I love you.” He moved his hands from on top of Roman’s and placed them on the other males face. “I can’t stay away from her, Roman. It’s like, I know she hurt me. But...” he shook his head and pressed his lips together. He couldn’t even explain way he needed her. It was pointless to try. He pulled his hands from Romans face and wiped his tears from his cheeks. “Yeah, I know. I appreciate you guys so much. I really do” he nodded. Leaning back into the couch he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Anyway, I’m sorry for all this. I’m a fuckin mess” he laughed. Opening his eyes again as he dug his hand into his pocket for his pack of cigarettes. “Do you care if I smoke in here?”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman just tensed his jaw a bit as he watched the other male talk, understanding how he felt, only in the way that love was complicated. “I get it.” He said simply, shaking his head when Khai apologized, and then asked if he could smoke. “Nah, I smoke in here all the time.” Roman leaned behind them to grab an ashtray off the table parallel to the couch, moving it to the coffee table in front of them after, for easier access. “Listen man, love is complicated, and you can’t control how you feel no matter how fucking bad you want to.” Ro riffled through a drawer for a blunt of his own.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ It was so awkward sitting here with his ex talking about the feelings he had for his precious ex. But, it felt nice that he could confide in him anyway. Khai knew Roman was battling with feelings of his own, but he just wished he could be as good as Roman. Talking about Aaron though, was still hard for him. But, he was trying to get to a place where Roman would feel safe opening up about it. “Thanks” he smiled as Roman grabbed the ashtray. Placing a cigarette between his lips and lighting it up. The burning sensation into his lungs felt so good right now and he couldn’t help but to sigh in relief. “I know, you’re right” he nodded. “I just don’t wanna keep making the same stupid misstates over and over ya know? She just gets me in my head and I start to feel like nothings ever changed. It’s not healthy” he practically chuckled at himself. Holding out the flame on his lighter as Roman found the blunt to light it for him. “I feel so stupid dumping all of this on you. I mean, I know it probably hurts you, and I’m sorry.” Even if Roman was acting like they were just a couple of friends talking about love right now. Their break up was still pretty fresh, and the last thing he wanted was to hurt Roman. His eyes were practically projecting the feelings he still had for Ro each time their eyes met.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman always enjoyed being around Khai. How couldn’t he? Aside the fact that he was just so goddamn beautiful to look at, Ro genuinely trusted this man so much. He told him pretty much everything, and had always felt so comfortable confiding in him. He also took it very seriously that the sentiment was returned as well. Roman liked being someone Khai could come to with his problems. “It’s not pleasant, no.” He answered the other, reaching for Khai’s cigarette so that he could steal a few puffs. He rarely smoked after quitting years ago, but he couldn’t stop the urge when he was around one. “No need to be sorry thiugh.” He passed the cigarette back with a small smirk. “You know you can always talk to me about anythin’. I can’t imagine the mindfuck this must be for you.”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Roman took his cigarette from him and he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. He was always so sexy while smoking, and Khai couldn’t even try to not stare. Instead, he reached for the blunt and placed it between his lips for a puff. “Yeah, I know I can. And you can always talk to me too. I know I’ve been bitter about certain things. But, that’s just because I love you” he said honestly. He took another puff from the blunt before giving it back and replacing it with his cigarette and shrugged. “It’s been intense. But, you’re a great distraction.” Khai scooter closer to Roman and placed his hand on his knee giving it a squeeze. “You’re amazing you know that? I wish I could be as accepting and loving as you are.” Placing his cigarette down in the ashtray he grabbed Romans face again. “I want you to be happy. No matter what I may say out of jealousy or whatever. I just need you to know that okay?” With those words he leaned in and pressed his lips to Ro’s. Kissing him slowly and intimately, taking his time to savor each of his lips.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman looked at Khai somewhat intensely when he said those words, because...it just - words couldn’t describe how they made him feel. Khai was always so damn good at saying things...it was like constant poetry coming from his mouth on the subject of love. He was passionate, which was one of the reasons Roman had fallen for him in the first place. “I love you, too.” Ro watched the other male even closer when he moved in to place a hand on his knee, a huff of air passing his full lips when Khai said he was a great distraction. He hadn’t even realized he’d been holding his breath. He did it once again when the smaller held his face, and said everything Ro could possible want to hear. How the fuck could he do that so flawlessly? Roman practically melted into Khai when he was then kissed in a way he felt he’d never been kissed before. He chased it, eyes closed as he let the man taste each of his lips before his tongue was slipping out to beg for permission to enter the other’s mouth.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ If there was anything Khai knew for certain in this moment. It was that Roman had always been a constant. Since the moment they had met, Roman took up all the space in his head. He was in his dreams, his decision making, and most definitely always on his mind. Even after being together for a year, and breaking up the way that they did. Whenever they were together it was like nothing had changed. Roman was the one constant in his life that he had never expected. It scared him shitless to be honest. But, even the fear disappeared when he was caught up in those green eyes. As he kissed Roman he had a sudden realization that he would probably never admit. He wanted him all to himself, just the two of them. But he couldn’t do that to Jay, he knew as long as they were together. It was impossible. For now he would just let himself savor each moment he did have with Roman. Because those were the moments when he truly felt complete, and he chased that feeling to the point of exhaustion. When Romans tongue slipped against his lips, he easily parted them. Granting him permission to devour him completely as he rolled his tongue up along the roof of Ro’s mouth. There was no need for words now as his hands gripped tightly to Romans face. A soft hum of fulfillment falling against the others mouth as he finally let their tongues tangle together.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ This was a good fucking kiss. Ro reached to grab onto Khai’s forearms as he tilted his head, deepening the make out session they had already started with a low hum that vibrated through them both. God, he loved the way this man tasted, and made him feel. Honestly, if Khai had come along sooner in Ro’s fucked up journey to self discovery, they may very well be exclusive to eachother at the point. Ro smirked against Khai’s lips when he started to get really turned on, taking the opportunity to nip at the smaller’s bottom lip to signify that

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai could already tell that this was turning into something more when Roman grabbed onto his arms. It was almost as if he were trying to hold them forever in this moment, and Khai was completely okay with that. Especially when Romans hum vibrated against his lips and straight into his core. Suddenly everything that they had just talked about evaporated from his mind. It was like they were the only two people in the world, and when Roman nipped at his lips it was clear he was on the same page. Khai let his hands slide down to Romans neck and all the way down his chest. Feeling the definition of his muscles before gripping at the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head. Taking a moment to let his eyes scan the males body before removing his own shirt as well. Pushing Roman back on the couch he pulled himself over him. Reconnecting their lips in a more fervent kiss as he let his hand cup over the bulge growing in Romans pants. “God, you’re so perfect” he hummed into the kiss. Rubbing the other man firm but slow over the fabric of his pants.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ You know that amazing sensation that washes all over your body to your toes, exciting you, and making you pant all at the same time? That pleasure that takes you so off guard, and not even because of direct contact? Yeah, Khai gave Roman that feeling every damn time they touched.  His cheeks started to flush when he felt the other’s hand travel down his neck to his chest, letting the other male take his shirt off prior to pushing him back on the couch. He went easily too, moaning immediately into the kiss when Khai’s lips were back on his, though he gasped when he felt a hand on his erection. “Mmm you are...” Ro managed to mumble against Khai’s beautiful lips while he lifted his hips, flexing his cock against the smaller’s touch through his clothing. “You drive me fucking crazy, y’know that?” Roman finally asked when they pulled apart, normally bright green eyes now darkened by dilated pupils.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ It was quite obvious that Roman did things to Khai that he couldn’t even put into words. It was like his entire body had caught fire with just one touch. Roman was exquisite in every possibly way. From the sounds of his moans all the way down to the movement of his hips. Khai was addicted in the most superlative way. He broke the kiss to slowly kiss down Romans chest as his hand continued to rub against him. His eyes gazing back up at him as a smirk spread across his features. “Good, i like driving you crazy” he said with mirth as his free hand worked on getting Romans belt undone. Pulling it forcefully from his pants before undoing them and yanking them down eagerly. Khai licked his lips as he took in the sight of Romans erection and he  leaned down to roll his tongue around the tip. Undoing his own pants and kicking them off before taking Roman fully in his mouth and tasting him.(edited)

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Khai’s lips on his chest, his scruff on Ro’s smooth skin, it was enough to make him breathe even harder than he already was. He almost felt dizzy at this point, the weed making him feel even more tingly than he would normally feel. That was saying a lot. Roman made a small whimper like noise when Khai just snapped his belt out of his jeans like that, and then makes fast work of getting him naked so that he could get Roman’s cock in his mouth. “God, babe...” he reached for Khai’s dark hair, tugging it, and licking his lips as he watched him work. “I love your fucking mouth.”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai loved having Romans cock in his mouth. The way it swelled between his lips and the way he tasted. It was enough to get him hard alone. Adding the sounds he was making and the words he was saying, and Khai was on cloud nine. Sliding his hands beneath Roman to grab his ass and squeeze it tightly to lift him even further into the back of his throat. “Mmm” he hummed with a  deep moan vibrating against Ro’s cock. His eyes watching every expression on the other males face as he guided him to fuck his mouth harder.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman was well aware of how much Khai enjoyed giving him head, and he was never, ever going to complain. His hips lifted as the smaller’s hands slid under him to grasp his ass, moaning as he began to really fuck himself up into Khai’s mouth, going down his throat with every single thrust. Roman was far from manageable with it came to his size, so the fact that the other male could take him like this always turned him on so fucking much. “Khai...” the name left his lips in a breathy rasp while his free hand slid up his body, over his own nipples, and then around his neck to restrict his airflow a bit. It always made his orgasms so much more intense.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ The feeling of Romans cock slamming into the back of his throat was something Khai could never get enough of. Which always made it hard for him to stop once he had started. But when he felt that Roman was about to cum he forced himself to  pull away. Grabbing Romans wrist to pull his hand away from his own neck as he laid back and pulled Roman over him. “I want you to fuck me” he said, with a hint of desperation lacing his words. This was something Khai had hardly ever asked for if ever. The act of being fucked by a man still leaving him a bit rattled after his past. But he didn’t care. He wanted to feel Roman inside of him, he needed it. “Please” he whispered with a soft whimper. His body already starting to tremble with need as he grabbed hold of Romans waist and pulled him between his legs.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Ro was taken off guard when Khai pulled away, and asked Roman to fuck him. He could probably count on one hand how many times he’d been asked to do so with Khai, so he knew how much it meant for the man to ask for it now. He smirked down at the smaller’s gorgeous face as he nodded, sticking his fingers into his mouth so that he could generously coat them with spit prior to getting them between Khai’s cheeks. Ro leaned down to catch his lips as he slowly attempted to open Khai up with no lube. He was gentle enough, not wanting to hurt the other male if he could at all avoid it.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai watched Roman wet his fingers with his mouth and his lips parted with desire. How was it possible that he looked that fucking sexy just sucking on his fingers. It didn’t seem possible that this moment could get any better. But once Roman was placing his fingers between his cheeks and working to open him up. Khai could barely contain the moan that flowed from his mouth. Fuck, he was an expert. He always knew just how to handle him and it drove him insane, in the best way. Leaning his head back slightly from the pressure of Romans entrance he kissed Roman back slowly. Finding it hard to keep his lips from parting with ecstasy as he nipped at Romans bottom lip. “Fuu-ck baby” he growled deeply. Clenching his teeth together as his hand gripped tightly to the back of Ro’s hair. He let his legs tighten around Romans waist and he pulled  him even deeper into him. His other hand digging into the side of Ro’s neck as his thumb pressed firmly against his Adam’s apple. “Fuck me” he breathed out shakily. His hazel eyes burning into the green orbs staring back at him with intense need.(edited)

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman was so turned on, that he was honestly surprised that he could even function right now. Khai just...how was he even supposed to describe this hold that Khai had over him? It was something that only made sense to them, and Ro clearly had no complaints on the matter. He huffed out a small breath when Khai grabbed his neck, and began pressing down. His eyes looked almost black now as he looked down at the other male with parted lips, a small groan vibrating through to the other’s thumb as he began to do what he was told. If Khai wanted to be fucked, then Ro was gonna fuck him. He began to snap his hips, slamming into his lover over, and over again, each time getting deeper, until he was nailing his prostate.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai loved that he really didn’t have to say much to get Roman to comply. Roman knew him inside and out, and that was only just one of the reasons why he was so willing to give himself completely. When Roman began thrusting his hips into him, his eyes fluttered shut and his lips parted with sheer ecstasy. His hand gripping tighter around Ro’s neck the harder Roman slammed into him. “Fuck... yesss” he hissed. Slightly lifting his upper body from the couch to bite at Ro’s jawline as he felt him thrust deep into his prostate. The pain mixed with pleasure that he was feeling right now caused his entire body to shake. His muscles tightening throughout his entire body as he pulled his hand from Romans hair. Placing his fingers into his mouth before reaching down to press them between Roman’s flexing cheeks.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman mad a small strained noise when Khai tightened his grip, feeling himself get pushed even closer to the edge. Khai was so fucking hot, and tight, it was hard to really hold himself together. Fuck. His teeth at Ro’s jaw, his fingers at his entrance, the man must be trying to actually KILL him, and honestly, what a way to go?? “Khai...” he moaned, still thrusting the best he could, though slowing to keep himself from exploding before his lover could.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ When Roman slowed his thrusts it practically sent Khai reeling over the edge. His mouth gapping open as he fell back onto the couch and his body began to tremble even more uncontrollably. “Fuck Roman... don’t stop” he moaned as he felt himself release all over the males chest. His hand so tight around Ro’s neck now he was most definitely blocking all passage of air.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ When Khai exploded all over his chest, Ro felt like he might actually die from how hot it was. Maybe that was just the whole choking thing, putting death in his mind, because he most definitely couldn’t breathe. Roman felt his eyes slip closed beyond his control as his lower stomach clenched, and then he ended up filling Khai up completely, snapping his hips until he was completely spent, and collapsing on top of the smaller.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ As soon as Romans hot cum had filled him up and he had collapsed on top of him. Khai loosened his grip around his neck. Moving his arms to wrap tightly around Romans body as they both fought to catch their breath. “You’re so fucking amazing” Khai breathed out as he pressed his lips to the side of Romans head. The only word to describe what had just happened between them was, euphoric. Their bodies still connected in the most intimate way as they laid together in a state of intense and consuming rapture.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Ro just pressed his face to Khai’s neck, kissing it a few times before finally pulling back to lay is cheek against the other’s tattooed chest. Yes. It was amazing, but now his brain was all confused. Every time he was with Khai, it made him have to stop and think about things, and of course, it caused him miss Khai greatly. “Right back atcha.” He rasped, voice barely audible as he nuzzled against the other male.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ The soft kisses Roman placed along his neck caused him to hum softly. His hand coming up to stroke the other males hair as he laid his head upon his chest.  He couldn’t seem to keep himself from smiling as he heard Romans words. His eyes closing and savoring the moment as he felt him nuzzle against him. It didn’t matter if they were fucking or fighting, Roman always had a way of leaving him speechless. “I love you” he whispered. His chest rising and falling with all sorts of emotion he couldn’t seem to put into any other words.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman closed his eyes tightly when Khai said he loved him, because he knew that wasn’t said lightly. He just...hated that he’d hurt Khai so much by being so fucking indecisive. It had nothing to do with how much he did, or didn’t care about Khai, or how much he wanted him. He wanted him, so much, he was just fucked up when it came to relationships, just like Khai was himself. It was something they both struggled with, and yet they kept ending up back here. “I love you, too.” Ro rasped back, letting his fingers dance along the other’s side. He finally popped his head up to look down at his ex, smirking because it was sinking in what they’d just done. “Glad no one else came in. Shit.” He laughed.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai was so caught up in the moment and the feeling of Romans fingers on his skin. He didn’t even realize someone could have burst in on them. But, truthfully he didn’t really care either. He opened his eyes and gazed back at Roman with a mischievous grin. “Now that would be a production I’d definitely pay to see” he joked. Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth as he took in the sweaty mess of his ex laying on top of him.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ “Ha! Yeah, same.” Roman laughed, smirking down at the way Khai was biting his lip. God, that was just so unfair, the way he looked when he did that. “I can’t believe we never made a sex tape. Like. That genuinely shocks me.” Ro solidified outloud, realizing it for the first time himself. “Seems like s’mmat we would definitely do...”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai couldn’t help but laugh out loud at Romans realization. “I know right? We should totally do that some time. I’d be down” he smirked. Just thinking about it was giving him all sorts of ideas. “You know, I also actually did porn once. But then I met you. So...” He shrugged his shoulders but his grin never faded. “We should definitely explore that” he nodded. His hand reaching down to boop Roman on the nose.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman raised a brow in interest when Khai mentioned being down to make a sex tape, and then admitted he did porn once. That sounded...like something he needed to see. Ro scrunched his nose when it was booped, both dimples out as he grinned down at the smaller. “What kind of sex tape would we make, hm?”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Roman was just so fucking adorable. The expression he made to Khai’s confession and the way his dimples popped out. Khai couldn’t contain the giggles that escaped him. Wait.. did he just giggle? What the fuck, Khai. He pressed his tongue to the corner of his mouth and bit down on it slightly in though. “Hmm... it doesn’t matter. As long as it’s with you. I’d let you do whatever you want” he said honestly.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman was well aware that Khai would do just about anything for him. He tried not to take advantage of that, but at least the times in which he did just a little, it was in regards to things they both loved. “Can we...go back to your place?” He found himself asking outloud, though it shocked him that he asked it. Ro just knew the second Khai walked out that door, their time together might be over, and that was hard to grasp.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ When Roman asked to go back to his place, his brow lifted slightly. Did he wanna make a porn right now? Well, okay then. “Yeah, of course we can. It’s still kind of a mess of boxes. But, yeah” he nodded. Grabbing Romans face and kissing him hard before letting him pull away from him.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ “I don’t even care, I jus’...” Roman smiled into the kiss, because he loved how desperate it was, like Khai needed it right this second. Relatable. “No, I ehm...” he finally sat up, and ran a hand through his long curls before rubbing both hands over his face, resting his elbows against his knees. “I guess I jus’ don’t want to stop spending time together just yet.”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ The look in Romans eyes made Khai’s heart skip a beat. It was like he just needed to be with him or he would crumble. Khai could definitely relate. “I don’t want to either” he admitted. Sitting up in front of Roman and placing his hand on his ex’s cheek. He didn’t need to say anything, his eyes said it all. “You should stay the night” Khai suggested boldly. His thumb rubbing slowly over Romans lips as he starred into his eyes.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman swallowed hard when Khai reached for his cheek, lips parting easily before he felt the other’s thumb on his soft, pink skin. Staying the night. He’d have to tell Jay something, especially since he never spent the night with anyone else, not even Aaron before he’d gone exclusive with Khai and Jay. But, he so badly wanted to go with Khai, and stay the night. “Okay.” Did he just actually say that? Yep. He did. “I’ll stay the night.”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Why was is so hard to pull himself away from Roman right now? He had literally showed up spewing that he might still be in love with Ella, and now... Now the only person he cared about or wanted to be with was Roman. He always had that effect on him. There wasn’t anything he would ever be able to do to change that, and he knew it. “Good” he smiled. “I’d really like that a lot” he said honestly. Leaning in close as if he were going to kiss him, but instead just pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. “Are we gonna go naked? Or should we get dressed?” he asked with a chuckle.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman was now smiling like an idiot - literally, like such a fucking dork. This just made him so giddy for some reason, especially since he and jay hadn’t really been intimate much lately, and he hadn’t been with anyone else. He’d missed Khai. He couldn’t help but to feel that way about someone he’d been with for a year. Ro was truly effected by the way that Khai got close, and then buy his lip like a little shit. “Yes Khai, we’re gonna walk up, and out of the theater with our cocks out.” He joked, shaking his head with a small chuckle before standing up the start getting his clothes back on.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai couldn’t take his eyes off of Roman. The way he was smiling caused him to smile too, it was infectious. He watched him climb off the couch and start to get dressed, laughing at his words. Not moving an inch as he took in the vision in front of him. “That would be a sight to see, now wouldn’t it?” he mused. Finally scooting to the edge of the cough to get his clothing back on as well.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ “A sight that at least would be good.” He assured the other, turning to wink at him as soon as he was fully dressed. Roman took his car to follow Khai back to his place, his heart practically beating out of his chest through the entire car ride. Why was he so fucking nervous? This was Khai. His Khai, that he’d been with for a year, and known even longer before that. It just felt different this time, and he had no idea if that was good or bad. “Holy shit, man. This place is...wow.” He observed while walking around Khai’s flat. He’d meant to get over here to see it sooner, but clearly hadn’t followed through.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai didn’t really feel any type of nervous until he was standing in his apartment watching Roman look around. His heart was practically beating out of his chest now, as he stood rubbing the scruff on his face and smiling at Romans reaction. Khai never was the type of guy to flash his money around. He had lots of it but tended to live as if he didn’t. Now there was no hiding it. His flat was top of the line modern boujee. With a touch of old classic comfort. It was definitely not something Khai intended to ever buy himself. But it was the only thing open and close to where Roman was. So, it had to do. “You like it?” he asked, already knowing the answer. “It’s gonna look a lot better once I get everything unpacked. I have all these classic paintings I wanna hang, and I’m still waiting on the black matte piano that’s gonna go over there in the corner.”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ “I fucking love it.” Ro expressed genuinely, the smile on his face so pure, and honest. He was happy for Khai, because this place really fit him, much better than the house they were all in together. This apartment was more his taste. Ro really did love it. “Man, you have to let me know when you get that piano in. I wanna drool over it, then play the shit out of it!” Roman smirked, and then stepped out of his boots to be polite. “Show me the rest?”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ It made Khai feel really good that Roman genuinely liked the place. It definitely was more his style, and with the added aesthetic of himself, it truly showed another side of him. “Yeah?” he asked with a genuine smile. Nodding his head at Romans request to see the rest. He took of his boots as well and led Roman through the kitchen and into the living room. “This is my... living space with a balcony” he chuckled. Rubbing his lips together as he watched Roman take it in. “...and over here, is the bedroom.” Leading Ro into his room made his heart skip a beat. All he wanted to do was climb into bed with his ex and hold him, gazing out the picture window. Waking up with him like that seemed so euphoric. “So.. that’s basically it. Unless you wanna see the bathroom” he grinned.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman was just in a constant state of awe as they walked through the apartment, his mouth pretty much just in a constant state of open. This place was perfectly designed, and modern. Damn. He could really see himself staying here a lot. When Khai said this was it, Ro turned to flash a smirk at the smaller before he was taking off running to jump on the bed. It needed a bounce test, and comfort evaluation. “Oh yeah!” He called out in reaction to how nice the mattress was, adjusting himself on his back while he stared straight up at the ceiling. “This, is niiiice, man. Hey.” He moves up onto his elbows, looking probably much like a mix between an adorable sugar baby, and a sexy grown af man. “What drugs you got?” He asked with wiggling brows.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai watched Roman with his bottom lip caught between his teeth. God, he was such a vision. The way he looked laying on his bed was already making him twitch beneath his jeans. Top it off with that look he was now getting, Khai felt so weak. “Drugs?” he asked with a laugh. “I have weed...” he raised his own brow. Was this Romans way of testing if he had really been staying clean. “Why?” he asked, walking over to sit beside him on the bed. “What type of drugs do you want, babe?”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman smirked to himself when Khai responded in that way, as if the question had somehow taken him off guard. Ro held himself up on his elbows as he looked the other male over, a dimple just every single slightly showing in one cheek while his eyes settled on the smaller’s face. “Weed’s good for me.” He winked, knowing he was being a little shit, but when was he not? “Can we smoke in your sweet ass bed?”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ If Khai could frame Roman in a painting and put him on a wall right now, he totally would. That damn dimple of his teasing him as he pushed his hair back from his face and licked his lips. “You sure about that?” he asked, his voice dropping half an octave. He kicked his shoes off and crawled across the bed to kneel in front of his ex. Reaching over him with their faces practically touching as he pulled open the bedside drawer. “Absolutely. Anything you want” he grinned.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Ro watched Khai closely as he moved over to the bed, and loomed over him during that reach. Fuck him. He knew what he was doing, and the way Roman was eyeing him showed just how much it was effecting him. It was almost comical how quickly he could get turned on by this man. “Anythin’, huh?” He smirked, eyes still on the smaller even after he moved away from the side table. It felt so surreal, to be with him again, flirting, this time in Khai’s own place, with no one else around, or even the threat of someone coming in on them.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Romans reaction to him always made him tingle all over. He loved teasing him and leaving him wanting more. It made him feel craved and desired, he couldn’t help it. As he sat back on his knees he nodded his head. “Mmhmm, anything” he clarified. Clutching a small baggy in his hand as he reached out to touch Romans lips with his thumb. Being alone with him like this was so fucking sweet. No interruptions, no shared attention, just the two of them. “You got something in mind?” he asked. Licking his lips again as he forced himself to not give in to kissing him.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman easily parted his lips for Khai when he touched him like that, letting his tongue dart out long enough to get a quick salty taste of the other’s thumb. “Mm, thought we could get high, and I can swallow your dick.” Ro replied so nonchalantly, like he’d said something completely normal, and in public. “You love that I can take you balls deep.” He practically whispered, choosing to move in, and gently brush his soft fushia lips against Khai’s scruffy jawline while he tried to make them a blunt.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai could barely concentrate on what he was doing. Roman was always so good at distracting him in the best possible way. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and hummed as Roman kissed his jawline and he shook his head. “You’re gonna make me spill the weed talking like that” he chuckled. Bringing the blunt to his lips to lick it closed. “You wanna do the honors? Since I’m pretty sure you can’t handle my cock between those lips” he teased. Using his hand to pinch Romans inner thigh as his other handed him the blunt.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman let out a naughty chuckle when Khai said he was gonna make him spill the weed. When the blunt was done, Ro gladly grabbed it from the smaller to “do the honors”, giving him a sassy look at the comment. As he brought the roll to his lips, he felt Khai pinch his inner thigh, and instead of being ticklish, or whatever else might be expected in reaction, Roman chose to instead spread his legs for the other male, showing his growing bulge between his legs as he pulled in a deep inhale of smoke, and then blew it out slowly through full lips.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Once Roman had the blunt between his lips, his eyes fell to his bulge. Lips parting with eyes full of ecstasy as he leaned back. Removing his shirt before his back rested  against the headboard. As he watched Roman blow out the smoke he unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants only have way. Teasing his lover with the easy access he was giving to him as his hard cock tried to bust through. “You wanna taste me?” he asked. Reaching for the blunt and placing it between his lips as he rubbed himself over his jeans.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ This weed was so good, that it only took a couple of hits for Ro to start feeling it. He had already been horny, but now it was magnified. Roman lulled his head to the side when Khai asked if he wanted to taste him, swiping his tongue out to lick his lips as a first response. After a few seconds, Roman moved, changing his position to get in between the other’s legs so that he could help get his jeans off the rest of the way, watching with wide green eyes as his length sprung free. “Think I can take it all, daddy?” He asked in as innocent of a voice as he could muster.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai placed the blunt between his lips as his eyes followed Ro’s movements. His hips lifting in anticipation as his pants were pulled from his body. His cock already hard and throbbing with excitement as he inhaled a deep hit from the weed and nodded his head as the smoke left his lungs. “I have no other expectations” he replied. A sexy grin forming on his lip as he awaited his lovers next move.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman swallowed hard when Khai spoke to him that way, because he was just so fucking sexy, and he couldn’t think of anything else he’d rather be doing right now than taking this man’s cock. “Good, daddy.” He rasped, and then leaned in to kiss the tip of Khai’s cock. It was slow at first, gentle, and focused as he kitty licked the pre cum from Khai’s length. But, then it was time for business, and Ro sank all the way down until the smaller’s cock was halfway down his fucking throat.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ It wasn’t very often at all that anyone got Khai into this position. He was very dominating, and liked to be in control. And this right here, letting someone suck his cock. It was a sure fire way of getting him to lose control. But he didn’t care, he wanted Roman to experience him in every way possible. Giving himself to him in the most vulnerable and submitting way he knew how. As Roman teased his tip with his tongue, Khai couldn’t contain the soft moans that escaped him. His cock twitching with even more anticipation than before. “Fuck, baby” he breathed out with a whisper. Taking one more hit from the blunt before Roman took him almost entirely down his throat. “Shiiiit” he hissed as the smoke escaped him. His hips lifting from the bed as his body flushed with goosebumps.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Ro knew how to suck a cock. He’d even consider himself to be a cock slut, in fact. He kept eye contact with the other as he began to bob up and down on Khai’s length, moaning for some vibrations as he hollowed his cheeks, and sucked him intensely. Ro really wanted to get kinky now, and shifted gears, taking Khai’s cock so deep that he began lightly choking on his partner’s erection, hands now moving behind his back.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai could already tell he wasn’t gonna be able to handle this. His hand moving to grab Romans hair so tightly as he tried to pull him away a bit. But obviously not really wanting him away, as his hips thrusted into the others mouth. He bit down hard on his bottom lip as he tossed the blunt to the ashtray beside the bed. Lifting his upper body from the mattress as Roman swallowed him whole and began slightly choking on him. “Fuck...” he growled through gritted teeth. His free hand moving to Romans shoulder to dig his fingers into his skin. “Stop... shit. Fuck, don’t stop” he moaned. His body trembling beneath his lovers lips.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman knew that Khai was having a hard time restraining himself from cumming, which always made Ro so damn happy honestly. It was like a bloody good pat on the back. Even though he was being told at first to stop, he hadn’t wanted to stop, and hadn’t planned to regardless. Instead, he continued choking himself on Khai’s cock in between giving the best damn blowjob of his LIFE. His eyes were watering, lips an angry red as they stretched around Khai’s sizeable girth. He was just waiting to take the smaller’s seed, ready to swallow every last drop.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Roman was a goddamn expert at giving head, and he knew it. The few times he had let Roman suck him off before didn’t even compare to this moment right now. Maybe because he was sober now, but his body could barely even contain how good it felt. His his thrusting harder and deeper into his lovers throat uncontrollably as he fell back onto the bed and gripped his own hair in tight fists. “Jesus fuckin Christ” he growled from the back of his throat as his entire body shook with pleasure. Cumming harder than he had in quite a while as his hips lifted all the way up into Romans mouth.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman was more than pleased when Khai finally began to cum, taking it all down with several swallows. He even made a point to suck a few more times on the tip, his tongue properly getting any last taste from the opening prior to finally pulling back, and wiping his mouth off on the back of his hand. “Yum.” His voice was SO fucking low, the underlying gravel orgasm worthy on its own. Ro chose to turn and flip onto his back beside Khai once again, running a hand through his slightly damp curls as he looked up at the ceiling.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai laid there breathless as Roman rolled off of him and starred up at the ceiling. His hands still covering his face as his body still shook from the overwhelming pleasure. He couldn’t even speak right now. Instead rolling over and hiding his face in his ex’s neck. Unable to look at him at the moment as he gently bit on Romans shoulder.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman wrapped an arm around Khai when he rolled over to hide his face into the side of his neck. Ro really did love Khai so much. They had a connection neither one of them could deny, and he had a feeling it wasn’t something that was ever going to go away. “Alright?” He finally asked with a small raspy chuckle to follow.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai felt so safe and content with Romans arm around him. It didn’t matter what they had gone through, or what had happened to lead them to this moment now. All he knew was that this man owned his heart. Wether he wanted it or not, it was his. Laughing softly at Romans question he rested his chin on his shoulder and gazed over at the others beautiful face. “No” he grinned. “I’m so much better than alright” he corrected. “Don’t ever do that again” he chuckled. Sliding his hand up underneath Romans shirt and tracing lazy circles around his nipples.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman snickered, glad that he could take that as a sentiment that he very much enjoyed what had just happened to him. “Okay, I’ll never do that again.” He replied sarcastically, hissing when he felt the other’s hand slide up his shirt, his fingers finding his ultra sensitive nipples. “Babe.” Roman half whines while letting his head drop back on the pillow. His Adam’s Apple was now visible as he arched his neck, and swallowed hard. He was so fucking horny, that pretty much anything would make him want to nut right now.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ “Good, you better not” he mused. Rolling over top of Roman and sitting on his legs as he looked down at him. His hands moving to pull off his shirt before letting his tongue find his nipples instead. “You’re so hard, baby” he breathed out. Letting his breath hit the wetness he left upon Ro’s hard nipples as he smiled up at him. His hands now working to get his pants off as his mouth continued to tease his lover. Moving slightly to remove his pants completely he tossed them to the floor. His hands pushing up his ex’s defined chest before dragging his fingertips down to his hips. “Tell me what you want me to do, daddy. I wanna make you cum.”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman simply let out a shuttered huff when Khai made his observation about Ro’s arousal. He’d been hard for a hot minute, and the way the other was teasing him - christ...CHRIST! It wasn’t going to take long for him to cum at all. “What do you want to do to me, baby?” He moved his head to lock eyes with the smaller. “If you could do anythin’ to me right now, what would you do?”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai knew he was driving Roman crazy just by the shudder he huffed our. But he loved it. Teasing was one of his strong suits and right now, he was using it to his full advantage. “Hmm” he hummed licking his lips. Taking a moment to let his fingertips trail around the base of Romans cock. Without ever really touching him. He let his eyes scan over Romans body and the moved off of him. Grabbing his arm and guiding him to flip over before pressing the back of his head down onto the pillow. “Don’t make a sound” he instructed. Restraining Romans arms behind his back by the wrists, as he placed a few fingers into his mouth. Using them to moisten Ro’s entrance he teased him a bit with his fingers. Soon leaning down to lick his anus getting it even wetter as he tightened his grip on his wrists. “I’m gonna fuck you so hard” he assured. Lifting back to his knees and without warning pushing deep and hard into his lovers hole.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Ro had no idea what the other was gonna do with him. His cock was flexing through all the teasing, and he was trying so fucking hard not to fuck up against the sensation. Roman needed to be patient, and obedient for his lover. For now, at least. He was perfectly pliable when he flipped over for Khai, nearly whimpering at the order to not make a sound. Oh god, he loved to be bossed around so fucking much. Khai knew that, naturally. Listen, none of that mattered though the second he was told how hard he would be fucked, and the push of his knees, and Khai’s cock into his warm heat was like the thrill of a rollercoaster. “Ughhhhh...” Ro moaned, already forgetting being quiet thanks to being caught of guard, wrists clenching into fists behind his back.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Roman looked so sexy laying there with his ass perfectly up in the air for him. It made it hard for Khai to be patient himself. Knowing it might have hurt him the way he just pushed into him like that. He rolled his hips slow as he held himself deep into Ro's core, slapping his ass for vibration with a satisfied smirk. "I told you not to make a sound" he growled. Pulling Roman up so that his back was against his chest, forcing him even deeper as he began to thrust against his prostate.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Ro was panting, trying to catch his breath before anything had really started. He groaned when he was reminded of the command, going easily when he was pulled up to rest back against Khai’s front. Roman was starting to slip into such a submissive state of mind, the one he got to when he could barely string words together to form a coherent sentence. Yeah, that place. What record timing too. Still, he tried to stay as quiet as possible, instead focusing all of his efforts into relaxing around Khai’s cock, just to end up squeezing around him in pleasure beyond his control.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Once Romans back was pressed against his chest. His hand made its way to wrap around his neck. His other hand wrapping firm around Ro’s length as he stroked him slow and hard. “Fuck baby” he hissed. Feeling Roman squeeze tight around him as he barely moved his hips back and forth. He wanted to stay as deep as he could as the feeling of Roman losing control drove him crazy. Causing him to roll his hips as he slightly leaned back pulling Roman along with him. His hand tightening around Ro’s neck as his own weight pressed him back even deeper into Khai’s length.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Khai knew exactly what Roman liked, as if he’d been studying him in school. His chin immediately jutted upwards at the presence of a hand around his throat, willingly allowing himself to be restricted of air. Kinky at its finest, but both men were messed up, and had gone through very traumatic, sexual experiences in their young lives. That would effect anyone, and would be deeply rooted in them forever. At least together, they could let that out. A strangled moan left his lips when Khai tightened his grip, and buried himself like that. Fuck, it felt so good, and barely being able to breathe only served to heighten the experience. Ro squeezed around the other male’s length, and reached back with his dominant hand to bury his fingers into Khai’s dark hair.

[nekoabiwrites]

Of Princes and Potions 2 - Chapter 1

I know... the title sucks. I’m just really bad at titles, fam. Also, while reading over this before posting, I legit was like “aww thats cute” so... yeh.

Original fic: https://nekoabiwrites.tumblr.com/post/187149767680/of-princes-and-potions-masterlist

AU: Royal/Fantasy Pairing: Logince Words: 3392 Warnings: Humans with scales (but not Deceit). Anything else, please let me know!

Summary: Roman’s ball ended up being fantastic, despite a few setbacks due to some guest underlying motives. However, once the ball is over and the new couple are given time alone, it feels as though something is going to be revealed...

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The prince’s ball went on for hours, lasting well into the night. Many guests slowly trickled out of the door before the night was over. The first to go were those who were only there to be in the crown prince’s presence and attempt to woo him. As he’d made his choice clear and emphasised it by graciously declining all other attempts at flirting for the rest of the night, their purpose was done, and they had nothing left to gain from the event. The fact that it was a good portion of the attendees that left did cause a slight ache in Roman’s heart, but all who remained by his side healed it easily.

Once the ache had dulled slightly, Roman had a wonderful time. He danced with his friends, chatting and laughing the entire time. He danced with his father for a couple of songs and shared some with his little brother too. He spoke with many of the guests, thankful that the interactions felt far less forced and much easier to get through.

But the most enjoyable part of it all was being able to spend time with his companion.

Logan hung around in his shadow for the entire night, mostly because Roman was dragging him along the whole time. He was being introduced to a whirlwind of people, most of whom he could barely remember 10 minutes later as the information was scrawled out in his mind in order to be replaced with the new set of names and faces. But it was enjoyable all the same. Simply because he felt normal once more, and he had Roman beside him.

It was still fairly early when the king approached the couple, a very sleepy young prince curled up in his arms. He softly spoke, telling them he was happy for them both and that he would love to stay longer, but Thomas really needed to be taken up to bed. Both the prince and mage understood, and they bid him goodnight.

Hours later, Logan was feeling the exhaustion. He’d long since separated from Roman’s side and taken a seat at one of the tables. He was watching the prince effortlessly glide around the almost empty ballroom with one of his friends. Even without the effects of the potion heavy upon his emotions, something strong stirred inside him and made Logan feel lighter than air. He began to get lost in his thoughts for a moment, thinking back to the initial dance he’d shared with Roman.

A shadow fell over him, causing the mage to look up. The curious expression was replaced with a gentle smile as the crown prince filled his vision.

“Are you here to drag me back into the fray of socialisation?” Logan quipped, exhaustion heavy in his voice.

Roman barked out a short laugh as he grabbed a hold of the nearest chair. He pulled it up alongside Logan, seating himself down. Within seconds, the prince deflated and seemed just as exhausted as his companion, “I would never, my dearest. I just thought to come and check up on you as you have been over here for a while.” Roman reached over and slipped his hand beneath the closest of Logan’s, holding it carefully as though he was scared to break him.

“Thank you for the concern, but I am quite alright. You seemed to be enjoying yourself,” Logan’s grip on the hand in his own tightened for a moment as his eyes dropped to the floor, “and I did not wish to be a burden on you, so I thought to take a seat to the side.”

“You would never be a burden to me.” Roman was suddenly sat straight in his chair, his other hand resting atop Logan’s. He stared deep into the mage’s eyes, trying his hardest to let his sincerity come across.

“Burden was… a poor choice of terminology. I simply could not think of something else…” Logan swallowed hard, blaming the residual effects of the potion for the strange feeling of guilt that had settled into the lower portion of his stomach.

Roman went to say something more, but a shout of his name cut him off.

“Roman! We just wanted to come and say goodbye before we all left.” Valerie called out as she approached with her sister and a few of Roman’s closer friends.

The prince, never letting go of Logan’s hand, stood and said goodbye to his friends, knowing that they wouldn’t get the chance to see each other for a fairly long stretch of time. He was a little taken aback once they addressed Logan and the mage responded in kind. Sure, Logan was likely going to respond in order to be respectful, but the smile and light testing of the waters with a soft sarcasm to some of his words – which had many of the surrounding nobility laughing – were utterly unexpected to the prince. It was a very welcome surprise though.

The couple accompanied the group of friends to the doors of the ballroom, as they were the final guests to be leaving from the party. They all said their final farewells before separating. Roman turned to the guards and servants, “Thank you. Do not feel an obligation to have the ballroom entirely clean before tomorrow. Please spread the word. Not one of us wants anyone pushing themselves too much.”

All the addressed servants nodded and hurried off in different directions in order to tell other members of staff, while the guards began to walk around the perimeter of the ballroom in order to speak to the knights stationed around. Roman watched for a moment before turning to his partner with a gentle smile.

“Would you like to stay with me tonight?”

---

Logan stood still as the ornate door shut quietly behind him. His eyes roamed the absolutely enormous bedroom before him.

The only words Logan could even think of to describe the room he was looking at were ‘decadent to the extreme’. It was large and spacious, with a great amount of that space going completely unused even with the big furniture that littered the space. The part that drew his attention at first was the huge, plush-looking four poster bed that was draped in shades of red and gold – from the pillows to the sheer curtains hanging from the dowels creating the frame. The cushions were piled up at the head of the bed, forming what seemed to be a mountain with a seemingly well-loved yet still beautifully constructed rabbit plush sat at the base of it all. A set of doors were slightly ajar in the wall next to it, behind which Roman had disappeared only a moment before and Logan could only assume it led to a walk-in wardrobe that just had to be as extreme as the room outside of it.

His eyes then caught the large window that was indented into the wall to the left of the bed. The mage crossed the room to look out at the view of the kingdom, though he was only just about able to make out the shape of the capital city in the darkness. He perched carefully on the edge of the window seat, utterly astounded by the comfort of it. Yet more of the cushions from the bed littered the space, which seemed large enough for at least five people to sit side-by-side on it, with blankets and a couple other soft toys haphazardly thrown onto it. To the side of the seat was a writing desk that seemed as though a tornado had come through and thrown everything around on top of it. Papers – some written on, some still clean - were scattered every which way, some of them  were even crumpled on the floor around the chair. Several pots of differently colour ink were half open and in various different places, with multiple writing implements following suit. A few books lay in disarray on the shelf above the desk, though they seemed to be notepads rather than reading material. Logan couldn’t bear to look at the disorganisation for long, and so he turned his attention across the room. Unexpectedly, he locked eyes with himself.

A large and equally as messy dressing table sat up against the opposing wall, a multitude of products and beauty tools covering the entire surface. But what was more interesting, and had Logan getting up onto his feet and crossing the wide space, were the in-built bookshelves that were situated in the rest of that particular wall. Every shelf was packed full of gorgeously bound books; some with treated leather, others with silver detailing and so much more. The ones that were within reach and seemed to have been read the most were books packed full of fictional tales, though Logan was only able to notice this once he began to read what was printed to the spines. By the titles alone, the mage could see there was a trend to most of the tales that had been read over and over – most seemed to include tall tales of brave heroes going out on grand, fantastical adventures, where they fight and defeat many villains along the way before ultimately performing some over-the-top act of bravery, therefore saving the day and becoming a well-known and revered hero to the people they protected. While Logan himself would never have ever chosen to fill a bookcase with such books, he couldn’t help but feel a slight tug of endearment to the practice. He could almost imagine Roman curled up on the window seat with one of these books open in his lap, his expressive face and body language showing every emotion he was feeling as he turned the pages. Perhaps he even acted some of his favourite scenes out, alongside his brother… Now that was an adorable image that crossed Logan’s mind. He coughed slightly as thinking about the crown prince in such a vulnerable moment caused his cheeks to flush ever so slightly, especially once the thought of Logan being able to witness such moments joined that. He instead attempted to distract himself by looking at the books lower down. It amused him that these were all of the ones used for the prince’s studies and a fair amount of them seem to have barely been touched due to the layer of dust that sat on them.

“Ah, I see you’ve found them.” Roman’s voice sounded from behind the mage, causing him to look over his shoulder. The prince was now dressed in far less than usual, which made sense as he was about to lay down to rest for the night. It didn’t stop Logan’s mind from screeching to a halt, especially as Roman approached and looked at the bookshelf himself. It took all of Logan’s willpower to not fade out and lose Roman’s words as the prince’s wonderfully toned and firm looking torso was close enough for him to reach out and touch… “It must be strange to you. Seeing all these stories in a similar place to that of those large tomes you keep all the way up there.”

“O-oh yes, it is indeed quite, uh, different from my, um… collection.” Logan quickly stood back to his full height, willing the pinkness in his cheeks to disappear quickly before the prince could take note of it.

Roman chuckled softly, gently placing a hand upon Logan’s shoulder, “If any of them interest you, you are more than welcome to peruse them at your leisure. My room is now open to you at all times. However, I would appreciate a slight warning of your entrance if I happen to be in here. No telling what you could stumble in on.” Logan had to internalise the splutter that wanted to escape him at the implication of Roman’s words.

The prince then turned and moved towards the bed, climbing onto it easily. Logan, now facing that direction, remained in his position near the bookshelf, uncharacteristically looking unsure of himself.  Roman was a little concerned. “Is everything alright, Logan?”

“Hm? Oh, uh, yes, of course.” Logan attempted to reassure the prince, though his attempt clearly failed when he caught a glimpse of Roman’s worried expression.

“You are not obligated to stay with me here if you are uncomfortable with it.” Roman reassured his partner. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed closest to Logan. Roman wanted to leap off of the mattress and hold Logan in his arms, but he realised that it was likely to only worsen the situation, so he decided where he was would be a good middle ground.

Logan nodded gently, “I assumed so, but I would hate to disappoint you… You seemed so pleased and eager to bring me in here…”

“Logan…” Roman couldn’t help it now. He slipped off of the bed and approached the mage, carefully and gently reaching for the other man’s hands in order to hold them. Logan didn’t try to remove them from his grasp, which only pushed Roman on further, “There would be no disappointment at all. I wish to see you happy and content. If being here will do neither of those, then please do not feel any reason to stay. You are free to come and go as you wish.”

The mage searched Roman’s face for anything resembling a shift in his sincerity but found absolutely nothing. It made him relax a little.

“I am not displeased to be here with you, Roman. I very much would like to stay…” Logan trailed off, unsure of how to phrase the rest of what he knew he needed to say.

Roman simply smiled warmly, “and you are always welcome to. I do hope you don’t plan to sleep in all of this, however.” He jokingly tugged at the dress robes that still adorned Logan’s body.

Logan couldn’t help the soft snort that escaped him, “I absolutely did plan on that, in fact. This is what I wear every night, in fact. Is that going to be an issue for you?” Logan replied sarcastically, smiling a little more once Roman laughed again.

“I think I may have something far more suited to resting that you can wear. All of these layers cannot be that comfortable.”

Before he could realise it, Logan was being pulled towards the walk-in wardrobe. His stomach suddenly began to churn, and his heart-rate spiked as they stepped beyond the threshold and the rows upon rows of clothing filled his vision; the sight of himself in the wall-sized mirror at the opposite end of the room not helping his predicament. Logan willed himself to calm down, but his situation was only worsening by the second as Roman, completely oblivious, looked through one of the clothing racks.

“Ah, here it is. You can wear this until- Logan?” Roman cut himself off when he spun back around to see his partner almost pushing himself against the double doors as if he were trying to escape. Cautiously and carefully, Roman approached, “Are you sure you’re alright with staying? Something seems to be bothering you quite severely. Please do not force yourself for my sake.”

Logan shook his head. If he wasn’t going to do it now, he might never do it. Roman deserved to know. It was foolish of him to be so worked up over it. There was no way that Roman would reject him for who he was… right?

After taking a deep breath, the mage glanced up to Roman, “I… There is something you need to know, about me.”

Roman sat silently on the mattress, waiting for Logan to speak. He’d allowed the mage to do whatever he wished to feel comfortable, as the matter that was on his mind was clearly something that caused him a lot of distress. The prince had followed Logan’s every word and instruction without question and was now patiently sat facing the mage’s back. He wanted to ask questions, wanted to know everything so he could do whatever he could to help relieve some of the stress and strain. Yet he held his tongue. Even when Logan’s shoulders sagged heavily, when Logan had sighed and ran his hands down his face, when Logan glanced over his shoulder to him in order to ask him, “Please don’t be alarmed?”

The seconds stretched out into what felt like minutes as Logan mentally prepared himself. He grasped the edges of his robes, breathing calmly and slowly in order to maintain composure. Despite the part of him that was crying out for him to not do this, that was convinced he was likely about to lose the one thing he’d finally realised he’d wanted for all this time, Logan knew he had to. It would be unfair on both himself and Roman to keep it a secret for much longer. With one last steadying breath, Logan shut his eyes and removed the robes.

Roman’s eyes grew wide and he fought not to suck in a heavy breath at the sight before him. His hand automatically reached out to touch, the pads of his fingers catching on the edges of the uneven surface before him. He barely noticed that Logan was almost as still as a statue, waiting for him to say something. Roman was instead mesmerised by the scales that coated half of Logan’s back.

The prince’s eyes traced each and every one. He noted that they seemed to begin partway up Logan’s neck and widened out from there, reaching the midpoint of his back and running parallel to his spine all the way down until the trail disappeared beneath the remaining clothing that covered the mage’s lower body. There was something that was just so… captivating about them. The way the moonlight caught the tips and made the edges almost seem like a completely different colour, the pattern on each one that could only be seen once Roman got up close to them, the way they lay so flat against the mage’s skin and seemed to organically grow from a part of him. It was almost breath-taking. Roman had never seen them in person before.

Finally, he spoke, “I see why you must have been worried.” Roman noticed the slight shake to Logan’s body, now that he was finally out of his reverie and so he carefully rested his arms around him, pulling him into a loose hug. “I understand that it must have taken so much for you to share this, especially as this has only just begun. But, I will assure you that, no matter who you are, no matter where you came from, what your heritage may be, I will never think bad of you. I do not harbour any negative feelings for you with this new information and I doubt you will ever be able to convince me to think such a way about you. No matter your bloodline, no matter if you are descended from Yitra or not, that does nothing to change the way I feel for you, Logan.”

Silent tears slid down Logan’s cheeks and dripped to the floor at Roman’s words. Despite the self-consciousness in ever sharing his heritage with anyone past those who already know, despite the worry and fear of being shamed and cast aside for simply being born to those who were practically destroyed years ago, despite everything that he had built up for years and years by being cooped up in his tower for his own safety, someone was willing to look past it and still cared for him. Better yet, it was someone who Logan felt strongly for, someone he may even feel he loves with all of his heart. The pure emotional release had Logan’s rational thoughts being pushed aside in favour of his instincts.

He was easily able to turn around in Roman’s loose grip in order to grasp the prince’s face and press a forceful kiss to the royal’s lips, everything that Logan was unable to vocalise being poured into the physical gesture with the hope that Roman was able to understand at least a part of it. It was when Roman began to return the kiss and his arms tightened around Logan, holding him securely in place. That was the moment Logan knew he understood, and that everything would be fine.

---

---- Next Chapter

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[fearfilledvirgil]

Someone to Comfort

Summary: Three times Patton comforted Roman, and one it was the other way around.

Warnings: divorce, emotionally abusive mother, low-self image, self depreciating, crying (lots of crying. like a lot), minor swearing, attachment issues

Word count: 3855

Pairings: Platonic Royality (Romantic if you look)

A/N: This is for @the-prince-and-the-emo‘s tsfanfic exchange, in which I wrote for @panic-at-theeverywhere! I really hope you like it, and that it lives up to your prompt. I totally forgot if you wanted a romatic pairing or not, so this is what I came up with. Without further adu, the fic~ (general taglist under the cut)

oneshot masterlist

Taglist: @rileyfirstname @verymuchanidiot @definentlynotjustanotherlemon @silversmith-91 @kanejandkruge @sander-fander-sides @lovecrazyjennybear @the-incedible-sulk 

The first time that Roman was ever comforted by Patton was a very simple time. Back when the two were mere kids, bad things were few and far between. The worst things that the two had experienced were no animal crackers at snack time, and that one time where that weird kid took their spot on the swings at recess. Nothing wrong usually happened. It was blissful never-ending good weather, and the two friends were as inseparable as two friends could be.

That was, until, Roman started acting odd. He was late to school a bunch, which made him miss the morning assignments, which in turn made him have to stay and do the work during recess. This extra class time escalated when Roman started missing full school days. Since Patton’s slightly younger play buddy was now absent at recess time, the bubbly young kiddo had to make other arrangements. He managed to shimmy himself into a group of other kids, but they always wanted to play pretend as animals. Patton loved that, sure, but he wanted to play house, or damsel in distress, or tag sometimes! And he wanted to play on the swingset like he and Roman used to do!

Thus, the two friends started to fall apart. Roman was never around anymore during playtime. When he was, he didn’t like to be an animal with Patton’s new group of friends. That escalated into him not playing pretend at all, and instead sitting on the swings alone with the weird kid. Patton didn’t like this that much, but if Roman wanted distance, he would give him distance.

That was until there was a whole week period where Roman wasn’t at school. Patton got very worried, worried enough to start asking his teacher when Roman was coming back. That always lead to dead ends, so the younger was left wondering when his best friend would return. If he could still call Roman his best friend.

The following Monday, Roman was at school again! Patton was so excited that when he saw him, he ran up and gave him the biggest hug in the world. Roman returned it, and the two had a mini cuddling session in the middle of the classroom until their teacher told them to get back to their desks.

At recess, Patton and Roman went together over to the swings. They sat for a bit, swung back and forth, and talked about what happened while Roman was gone. This went on for a bit, until Patton took the time to notice the very sad look on his friend’s face. Immediately, he jumped off his swing and proceeded to slow Roman’s swing down as well.

“What’s wrong?” Patton asked with childish worry written all over his features. He received a shrug as response. “Don’t shrug me! You’ve been off for a while, RoRo.”

At that, especially with the sweet nickname, Roman looked down guiltily. He held onto the swing’s chains harder for stability. “Mom and Dadda have been fighting a lot. Over me. And now they are really mad at each other, and I have to go live with only Dadda.” Tears were briming in Roman’s eyes at this point, which made Patton’s heart cuhthunk loudly.

In response to that weird feeling in his heart, Patton wrapped his small, pudgy arms around Roman. They wobbled a bit, as it was a swing set, but Roman abandoned attempting to steady himself in favor of wrapping his arms around his best friend. It was a peaceful, heartfilled moment, especially when Roman started to cry into Patton’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, RoRo,” Patton attempted comfort as he held his friend tightly. “We’ll get through this together! No matter what!”

Patton and Roman stayed hugging on the swing set like that until they heard the three whistles that signified the end of recess. Roman quickly rubbed his eyes with a little help from Patton. The two children then went back to class and went through the rest of the day as closer friends than before. Their hearts were intertwined, and they were happy.

Comfort between the two friends became something of a reflex. As they grew older, their problems escalated, which made the times they needed comfort a higher number. Which made the type of comfort that they needed shift. They could no longer just hug, cry, and everything be made better. Now, it was a process.

Roman was laying on his bed atop the large red comforter that spilled over the edges of it, his room a spitting image of an aesthetic-loving fourteen year old. His eyes were closed, so he couldn’t see that the setting sun’s light was peering in through his open window. He also didn’t see the way the sheer gold curtains fluttered in the breeze, or how his potted plant near the window had its leaves fluttering too. All he could focus on was the smooth voice of Ed Sheeran fluttering in his ears as his record player went around, and around, and around.

He had been avoiding Patton for a little over a week now, but he honestly didn’t mean to. It was just a natural reflex now. The guilt that he felt pool in his stomach at that thought made him shift on the bed. He didn’t want to think about that right now. He just wanted to lay there and listen to music. Roman opened his eyes momentarily to count the bumps on his popcorn ceiling.

He didn’t want to think about how his mom yelled at him last week. He didn’t want to think about how she said he never did anything right. Roman didn’t want to think about how she said she didn’t even want to come to the bi-weekly meetups with her son. He didn’t want to think about that. He didn’t want to think about what that meant; how it meant he wasn’t worth anything. How he was so unworthy that his mother didn’t even love him.

Before Roman could check himself, he was wiping tears off of his face. He sniffed, shutting his eyes tighter that last time to hopefully prevent more tears. He couldn't help feeling obligated to love his mom, though, despite everything that had happened. Despite the divorce, despite growing up without a mother, despite her not even wanting to see him, despite her standing him up multiple times in their meetings to reconnect, despite her asking for money from him, and despite her not loving her son. Roman wanted to love his mother. He didn’t want to be that kid whose mom walked out on. But here he was, the setting sun getting lower in the sky, picking apart himself because of his mother's words.

That was, until, a rock hit his leg. Immediately, he sat up straight, head on a swivel to see where the disturbance came from. His eyes were still wandering his room when he saw another rock fly in through his window. He looked at it curiously, eyebrows and shoulders tensing in confusion. Why was someone throwing rocks at his window?

Roman only had one speculation, and was proven right when he leaned out of his window. There were several rocks on the roof just below him, the trail leading downwards to where Patton stoon waiting. He still had several multi colored rocks in his hands. The face he wore was one of pleading, sorrow, but most of all: worry.

“Patton?” Roman whisper yelled down to his friend, whose arm was still pulled back in preparation to throw another rock. “What are you doing here?”

“You were,” Patton started, lowering the rock, “You were avoiding me, and I know that only happens when something's really wrong. You weren’t answering my texts so…”

“So your next option was a Romeo and Juliet type way of communicating.” Roman leaned against the window still, hoping that Patton couldn’t see the tear tracks on his face.

“Yeah, I guess,” Patton responded, putting his hands back into his pockets and emptying the pebbles into them. “Did something happen with that meetup with your Mom?” Patton got right into asking, knowing that Roman was dying to talk if anything had happened. He was never good at keeping things inside.

“Come to the back door?” Roman gave a small smile to his friend who was now rushing to the backyard. Patton was so determined to help that he didn’t even see anything wrong with ignoring him for the past week. He only saw it as a cry for help. Roman didn’t know if he would ever find anyone else in his life that was quite like Patton, who knew him inside and out.

Before Roman could move from his spot at his window, Patton entered the room. He glanced quickly from the record player, to the dirty laundry on the floor, to the unmade bed, then finally settling on his best friend. He wore a soft smile, a glint in his eyes behind his glasses that made clear the concern that he harbored. Roman was seeing that look from Patton a lot lately, and he didn’t like it. Patton shouldn’t spend his time worrying and fretting over Roman, but he still did.

“Dad home?” Were the first two words out of Patton’s mouth, whispered as he closed the door behind him.

“Work.” Roman replied, moving from the window over to Patton. Before he could even ask, Patton was stepping forward and wrapping his arms around Roman.

“You don’t have to talk about it, RoRo,” Patton started with using that old childhood nickname, oddly scooting their still hugging bodies over to sit on the bed. “I care so much about you, it’s insane. You’ve always been there with me, for me, us against the world. So it scares me when you shut me out, because I don’t have my best friend. When you ghost, I know that you’re sitting in here, listening to whatever record you could find first, thinking horribly about yourself.” He was rubbing Roman’s back by now.

“Patton, I don’t…” Roman started, but trailed off. He knew that he was in a losing argument right now. Patton was right, he did do that.

“Yes you do. We’ve had this conversation again and again, and I just… You are so much, Roman. You are so much amazing, and potential, and ability that it’s hard to describe. You’re a Prince ready and willing to save so many people that you forget about yourself. You forget how much you’re worth. Roman, don’t listen to whatever that bitch says,” When Roman made an argumentative, disproving sound, Patton just held onto him tighter. “No, she is a bitch. She doesn’t care about you, not like your dad does. Not like I do.”

“You’re right, but,” Roman breathed in heavily. “She’s my mom. I have to listen to what she says, Pat.”

“Do you listen to what that dark and brooding kid says about you?” Patton asked, pulling away from the hug so that he could see Roman’s face. Now at arms length, he could see the tears starting to fall down Roman’s face. He removed one of his hands from atop his shoulders to wipe away the tears.

“No! That’s different.” Roman tried to counterpoint, leaning into Patton’s touch.

“How so? Neither have shown that they hold your opinion as something to be noted, or that they actually care about you, let alone love you. Sharing blood does not make you family.” Patton said with a tone of finality, like he knew exactly what he was talking about. The argument was good, too good maybe, and was almost impossible for Roman to not concede to

“You’re my family.” Roman said instead of touching on the other point that Patton made. They were brothers, and no one could tell them any different.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Patton shared a soft smile with Roman before engulfing the other in a hug again. Later was for talking more in depth about what the seeds Roman’s mother planted grew into inside of the boy. Now was for holding each other, and knowing that there wasn't any other person in the world that could possibly care for them more than they did each other in that moment.

“Patton!” Roman yelled into the house, his keys discarded into the key bowl. He started to shrug off his jacket at the same time he kicked off his shoes. There was an unknown force pulling down on his face, making it droop. “I’m home!”

The two lifelong friends were now attending the same college with Patton majoring in bakery science (yes, it is a thing) and Roman majoring in performing arts. They shared a small apartment together just outside of campus that was a short enough ways away that they could feasibly walk to their classes. Although the two were in two completely different fields, their friendship had lasted through the two years when they barely saw each other. But now, in their junior year of college, the two couldn’t be closer. Comfort for each other shifted once again to be more of just there for each other. There wasn’t any special way to comfort, but then again, there never really was.

“BABE!” Patton screeched from somewhere inside the apartment. There was a crashing sound, which made Roman smile slightly and cringe. Mostly cringe. Then, a flying ball of blue came rushing toward Roman, knocking into him. He wrapped his legs around Roman’s middle, both unfazed by the nickname and the jumping into arms that Patton did.

“I take it you’re happy I’m home.” Roman teased, tightening his grip on Patton as the former leaned back to be able to see Roman’s face.

“I’m always happy to see you so I can do…” Patton paused, a giant smile growing on his lips. That didn’t hide the spark of worry in the other’s eye, though. It never did. “This!” the man in Roman’s arms then began to pepper kisses on his face while making obnoxious smooching noises. Roman laughed and proceeded to walk into the living room while his face was being attacked. This was an odd thing for two people who claimed to be friends to do, but it was their normal.

“You cooking tonight or am I?” Roman asked as he plopped down onto their small couch, Patton now sitting on his lap. Patton pouted, grabbing either side of Roman’s face and making him hold eye contact with him.

“What happened with the audition?” Roman sighed, but didn’t dare look away. He was, once again, entranced by the pools of blue that were Patton’s eyes. Although the sea eyed boy was in Roman’s lap, he was actually taller by now, which meant that Roman didn’t get much of staring into his eyes. It was incredibly cheesy, but Roman wasn’t nicknamed Romano cheese by Virgil for no reason.

“I didn’t…” Roman started, shaking his head and closing his eyes so that the welling tears wouldn’t leak. The reality of the question began to weigh back down onto Roman’s shoulders. “I didn’t get the part. Not even an understudy.” The thought process that he tried so hard to eliminate came rushing back like a flood, leaving no room for positivity. He wasn’t worth it, the part. He wasn’t a good enough actor, nor was he beautiful enough or had a good enough singing voice. His bass voice wasn’t good enough. It never was.

“Hey,” Patton started, shifting on Roman’s lap to get more comfortable. “One audition doesn’t define your worth. They probably were looking for someone with a little less pasazz, which honestly is so stupid. You are an amazing actor, Roman, it just-”

“No, Pat,” Roman cut off Patton slightly harshly, picking Patton off his lap and setting him back down on the couch. His emotions were getting the best of him, and Patton’s compromising position on his lap wasn’t helping. “I’m just not good enough for the part. Whether it be my acting, my face, or my voice, I don’t know, but I didn’t get it. And I won’t get the next one, or the next one, or the next one because why would I? Producers don’t like a resume that is only small scale productions.”

“Then do more small scale productions,” Patton replied twice as fast as Roman cut him off. “Instead of going for the big theaters, do more small stuff. I saw a flyer for a small production called Power Play? You could blow that out of the water.”  

Roman bit his lip, thinking. Patton had a point. If he did get more small scale productions under his belt, he could have more experience. Experience is something that employers are always looking for, so maybe that would work? It wouldn’t, unless if Roman actually had a lick of talent in his body. Because by now, it wasn’t looking that way.

After several seconds of silence, Patton piped up again, “Roman, you have talent. You have gotten parts before, and you can again. If you’re worried about your low voice, Power Play is a play, not a musical. I believe in you. Like I said, one audition doesn’t define your worth.”

Roman began nodding, releasing his lip from his teeth. Everything was going to work out fine. It was fine. Patton had his back. That’s all that really mattered. Patton was there, and encouraging him from the other side of their couch. In their apartment. Patton believed in him, so he just might believe in himself a little too.

“Pat-love, I’m home.” Roman called into the small condo, slightly worried about the sheer lack of noise in the home. He had just gotten back from a month of being a camp counselor for three week-long thespian overnight camps. It was fun, and a break from his normal Broadway routine, but it was a month without Patton. A month without his lifelong partner-in-metaphorical-crime was sad. Lonely. But now, he was back in their condo just outside of New York, and was wondering where his Patton was.

Roman set his bags down by the door, kicked off his shoes, and proceeded to wander through the halls. Everything was still, silent, uneasy. He could hear the thumbs of each step that he took on the carpet. Roman could feel it in his gut, his heart, that something was incredibly wrong.

As Roman inched closer to the bedroom, he vaguely could hear small huffing sounds. As he got closer still, he regoncised the sound as crying. Patton was crying? Everything in Roman’s body  kicked itself into high gear, concerned and worried for Patton. Had he ever even seen Patton cry? Now that he was thinking about it, he didn’t actually think so. Patton always hid away when he cried, or tried his best to repress it.

“Patton?” Roman asked again as he knocked on the door. When he got no response, he slowly opened the door.

There, laying surrounded by blue-grey blankets, was Patton. The lights were off like the rest of the house, and it was even colder in this room as the rest of the condo. Roman couldn’t even see Patton’s head, but only knew that he was there because of the giant lump under the covers. That, and the fact that the crying was coming from that lump. Roman, not really knowing what to do, sat on the edge of the bed.

The new weight causing the mattress to dip down made Patton stir. He struggled for a second to get the comforter and many fuzzy blankets off of his head, but once he did, he flopped his arms down back onto the bed with the blankets pinned under them. He gave Roman an odd, fearful look for a moment before it shifted into one more like happiness. Within a moment, Patton flung himself at Roman.

“Ro! You’re,” Patton sobbed and interrupted his speech, as he was still crying. “You’re here.” Another sob wracked his body, making him shake.

Roman wrapped his arms gently around Patton, engulfing him in warmth and love. He made a humming sort of shh sound in attempts to calm down the crying form in his arms. Patton held onto him like a lifeline, gripping onto the back of his shirt for dear life. They stayed like that for a while. Patton cried into Roman’s arms, holding onto him like he would leave any second. And Roman just let him cry, let him ball with tears and snot, onto his shoulder.

“I’m sorry ‘bout that.” Patton mumbled a little while later after most of the crying had died down. He pulled away from Roman and the hug that they shared. “I just… I got so sad without you, and the house was so quiet, and I forgot when you were coming back because I forget things way too easily, but I couldn’t ask you because you didn’t have service and-”

“Patton, my darling,” Roman cut in as he smoothed circles in between his shoulder blades. “There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about you. I’m sorry that me leaving upset you so much. I wouldn’t have gone if-” It was Patton’s turn to interrupt. The two seemed to do that to each other a lot. “No! You wanted to go, and that’s okay. I just… I’m a little too dependant on you? I guess? You’ve always been there, like a constant thing when I was moving around and around and around and.. It’s just. Empty without you there now.”

“Is this a normal thing for you? When I leave?” Roman suddenly felt a punch to the gut. He didn’t regularly leave for long stretches of time, but sometimes he was barely at home for a week because of rehearsals.

Shakily, Patton nodded his head. “I didn’t understand how much I hated being alone until that week, in freshman year of highschool, when we didn’t talk. It’s not that bad when its only for a short time but…” Patton sniffed, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. “I’m sorry you had to see this. I’m usually good at keeping the sad to myself.”

“But I don’t want you to keep it to yourself, Patton. I want you, all of you. Your ups, your downs, and everything in between. I want to be there for you like you are for me. But now… now I see why you won’t let me. You don’t have to be afraid, darling. I love you just the same.”

With that, Roman leaned forward and took Patton into his arms again. They laid down, Roman tired from his long trip and Patton exhausted from his crying. There was still a lot to be said between the two of them, and a lot to work out. It was similar, really, to several times before where they needed comfort. When Roman needed comfort. But it didn’t matter, in the moment, what was wrong and what was right. What mattered, what always counted, was that no matter what, Patton was there for Roman. And Roman? He would always be there for Patton. Always.

[lacrimosathedark]

I have a “call out post” for hellosandersfanders, since they’ve been so goddamn “kind” going around and “correcting” people~  I actually have them blocked so honestly it’s more of a vent and an informational post for people who are yet to block them. I’m also not tagging anyone so as to not bother them, but I use their full usernames you’ll still know what I’m talking about.

If you want a TL;DR, I essentially repeat this multiple times: PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO ENJOY THINGS. LET OTHERS ENJOY THINGS. YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIKE IT BUT DON’T BE A DICK ABOUT IT.

I’ll start off with the preface that most of their “call-outs” aren’t tagged appropriately. Specifically, they tag thomas sanders as well as the original basic ships. So these could just pop up when you’re looking for some Patton and Logan snuggles or some Roman and Virgil banter or anything else. Which is really fucking shitty, especially when they gripe about people tagging incorrectly. You’ll see.

In their bio and later in a post they talk about how they are saying what everyone else is too scared to say and denying that they’re a hate blog. Actually, this is their bio: “THIS IS NOT A HATE BLOG. This is a blog that calls out blogs and people that need to be called out. I'm taking it upon myself to make sure that everyone's blog experience is trouble free by setting bloggers straight.” But when you go after people, not even critiquing but full on criticizing and attacking them, that’s not a call-out, that’s hate. And here’s another thing. You can be the smartest dick in the room, but if you’re still a dick no one wants to listen to you. 

Their first post is “Call out posts to fanders who draw fusions that include Deceit: that counts as a Deceit ship and it won’t hurt you to tag it as such. Stop being disrespectful and tag your stuff appropriately.”  Saying a fusion counts as a ship isn’t necessarily the case, for one. And then says it’s disrespectful to not tag them as a Deceit ship. I know a lot of the time reblogs don’t get appropriately tagged, but if you go back to the original work, all of them are tagged for Deceit in some way, and often have said fusion in the tags (Loceit, Moceit, Princeit, Anxceit). I have never seen a fusion where the original artist didn’t tag the fusion components. And it’s well known that some people don’t like Deceit or are triggered by him in some way, so most fanders make an active effort to tag him. So that’s bullshit point one.

The next rude post they criticized cattonsanders for not tagging food and eating warnings for their compilation of the Sanders Sides characters not eating properly. But here’s the thing, while it wasn’t tagged, they said right in the post what it was, and the first frames are literally a title card saying “nobody in sanders sides knows how to eat”. And they didn’t say “hey, can you try to tag food and eating in the future?”, they said “ this is cute but you should’ve put a tag warning for food and/or eating. next time be mindful of other people.” like they have the right to scold and demand. 

Next was them commenting on people commenting on a gif: “is it really necessary to add your comments on gifsets? why couldn’t you add it on the tags?” Why shouldn’t people talk in reblogs? You aren’t obligated to be part of the conversation or say anything, you can even go back to the original post without commentary and people enjoying themselves and reblog the original post. What is so goddamn tedious about seeing people talking and having fun over content they mutually enjoy? Fuck off with your fun-sucking bullshit.

They have made a handful of comments on randomslasher/LJ’s posts as well as a call-out so I’ll summarize: They think “LJ is everywhere” is and overdone joke and finds it “grating” that people still enjoy it, they think LJ is a hypocrite for understanding people don’t like Deceit while also sharing Deceit content, they say LJ doesn’t stand for anything and is a people-pleaser, and they said people shouldn’t “worship” them because they don’t stand for anything. So, to hit all of those points, as follows; You aren’t required to like a joke but as long as it doesn’t harm anyone just let people enjoy things. You don’t have to like something for it to be good. Next, people are allowed to like Deceit. The same way people can like Moriarty or the Joker or Deadpool or any character of poor or ambiguous morality. You can like a character that’s not a great person. Being aware that he upsets people just means you tag the content appropriately, not that you have to stop liking or sharing it because it makes other people uncomfortable. LJ isn’t a hypocrite for still sharing Deceit content if they like Deceit so long as they tag appropriately, jegus fuck. And I don’t know much about LJ, but do they really have to “stand for something”? It’s their blog, not yours, and it’s for fun, it doesn’t have to have a deeper purpose. And people don’t worship LJ, but they are admired for their content and personality. But they, and many other bigger blogs in this fandom, are constantly reminding their followers that they too are just people and just Fanders. It’s not fair to dislike them just for being well-liked. That’s just petty. They then whined when LJ blocked them, essentially calling them a coward. But I’ve seen LJ discuss things with people of less than like minds, and they aren’t perfect but they’re pretty respectful. They blocked you because you’re a whiny bitch, not because you disagree with them.

Next they went after princelogical. They said Marin is just imitating Logan in how he “speaks” and it’s “annoying and fake”. That rubs me the wrong way because I have been told I type like Logan talks at times, but y’know what? I’ve been told before ever hearing the name Thomas Sanders that my writing seems cold and distant and intelligent and precise. That is how I learned to write and express myself. It’s possible, even likely, that Marin is similar, that he is similar to Logan in that way and were prior to Logan existing. And people who mimic or pretend to be the characters that they criticize, so fucking what? People aren’t allowed to explore the characters or themselves, or practice writing or getting into character like that? They also say: “He’s also very in your face about being christian, which is very offensive to people of other religion like myself.” News flash, buddy, they say right in their bio that they’re Christian. Don’t like it, don’t follow him. And here’s a thing, I hate organized religion with a burning passion. But his religiousness never does more than poke at a nerve. And he uses it as a way to spread positivity instead of hate like a lot of Christians do nowadays. And hey, that someone is personally another religion and shares it on their personal blog is not an offense to someone of a different religion, be fucking mature.

They next attacked organizeddiscord, and I don’t really know Sam so I’m gonna argue more with their points, if I make a wrong assumption about her I apologise. For context, I don’t know if she does this so imma put the first part of their comment for you to judge rather than piece it apart: “Does nothing but complain about her content not being reblogged then constantly makes posts that guilt trip people into reblogging her content, starts unnecessary drama,  and  acts mean and horrible towards Deceit fans. I don’t like Deceit too but I never act the way she does.” After that they go on to say how she is “forcing” the Virgil/Thomas ship on the fandom and how it’s disrespectful to Thomas. Look, I hate that ship too, it weirds me out, but no one is forced to read any of what she posts about it (blocked tags and tumblr savior exist for a reason) and anyone is allowed to create anything they want, that’s not forcing it on anyone. And I don’t see how it’s disrespectful to Thomas. Sanders Sides Thomas is a characters, Shorts Thomas is a character, they aren’t real. Thomas knows abut ships, he has said he thinks they’re cute. He makes jokes about the concept of sleep essentially being his wild boyfriend, and there was a joke about him sharing his bed with his anxiety, which is essentially Shorts verse version of Virgil. And guess what? You don’t have to like it for her to be able to enjoy it. She’s allowed to enjoy it. They later said she was plagiarizing when she took a text post that has been circling around, and also sourced it, and made it a Sanders Sides essentially fake quote. And they demanded she take it down. Buddy...that’s not how things work. It’s not plagiarism if you say it’s not yours. And she did the right thing in sourcing it too. But this happens all the time, are you going to attack every “fake quotes” thing ever, even just in this fandom? Because honey even you don’t have the time for that.

They then go after theonlyjelly-iwillput-inmybelly and boy did I feel like a cat with their hairs on end when I saw them be a dick to Cole. They don’t like Cole’s shitposty humor. It’s not for everyone but a lot of people think he’s funny. And some of his crazy shenanigans come from medications or even from just being bilingual and keeping words right. The “childish talk” I find funny, and it’s not like it’s baby talk, and it can also be rather insightful. Plus even if you think he sounds stupid, here’s the thing: most people sound smarter in their native language. Cole isn’t from an English-speaking country. He is allowed to not use every word like it came out of your goddamn English textbook or some stupid novel or whatever. And the bear thing is because his username and icon are a reference to Crofter’s whose mascot is a bear. If you aren’t gonna bitch at Thomas for making so many Crofter’s jokes, then leave Cole the fuck alone for it.

They then made a call-out for what-even-is-thiss and...sadly I agree with them on this one, though I hate how rudely they worded it, so I’m just gonna copy what they said. ““Roman” if that’s even his real name, has no regards to other people’s feelings and just says whatever the hell enters that brain of his. He is so bad that other blogs have called him out. And yet he acts as if nothing has happened. No remorse or anything.” I will say one thing though; Roman, to my recollection, is a trans guy and chose his name. He’s allowed to choose any name he fucking wants. And even if that’s not his real name? It’s the fucking internet didn’t you guardian teach you not to give out personal information on the internet?

They then called out anxietys-room for not being helpful and for passing it off to followers to give advice. Here’s the thing; they aren’t professionals. They are normal people who want to help people struggling and can only do so much. And I’ve seen a number of times them pushing help lines for people who desperately need that. How shitty do you have to be to attack something so well-intentioned?

They then yelled at insanelycoolish for not putting their story under a “Keep Reading”, which they used later for their taglist. It’s a fair thing to say, long posts you don’t care to read are obnoxious. However, they didn’t ask if Finn could fix it or do something else next time. They said this: “would it kill you both to add all of these under a read more?” “you both” presumably is referring to the-pastel-peach, whom Finn was conversing with because she enjoyed his fic. But she can’t do anything, it’s not her post. Ugh I’m so sick of this dude...

This is all that’s on their account for now, but let’s circle back to their bio. No one needs to be called out for having a different sense of humor than you or liking things you don’t like. You aren’t making the fandom trouble-free, you’re causing trouble and pain and anger by attacking our friends. Maybe that’s your real intent. But either way, you have made yourself our enemy.

You have no right to consider yourself a Fander, so I hope you don’t. Thomas preaches caring and acceptance, and asking nicely for things you need. He would be ashamed of you.

[thebeautyofthomas]

Lonely

Summary: Roman hasn’t been feeling the best lately. Pair that with the disdain his fellow sides expressed toward him during movie night, and Roman falls apart. (Also, in which I suck at summaries, and Roman is lonely and touch-starved).

Genre: High levels of Angst, Hurt/Comfort. 

Pairing: Platonic LAMP/CALM/Polyamsanders. Could be read as romantic or platonic, with any pairings, honestly. The pairings are quite vague, but it was written with Platonic LAMP in mind. 

Word Count:  3596

A/N: Me? Self-projecting into a fic? More likely than you’d think. I’m spoiling you all with two fanfics this week. I promise I’m not usually this productive. Also, I do not have the ability to write pure fluff, I’ve discovered. Only angst, all the time. Also, this made me emotional while writing it. Much of the contents of this fanfic (but not all) are dramatized versions of my own experiences/emotions/thoughts. So, if they don’t seem accurate to you, please remember that they’re my personal emotions. Please read the warnings, this is probably one of the most angst-packed oneshots I’ve written. Contains a lot of triggering content.

Warnings: Self hatred/self deprecation, panic attack, hair pulling (self-inflicted), blood mention, injuries, character with self-harming tendencies (ex. picking up broken glass without protection), negative thinking, mild cursing, crying, touch starvation, insecurities, loneliness, acts of frustration/anger (smashing objects). Please, let me know if anything else needs to be tagged!

If asked, Roman would deny it to his very core of existence.

He was not lonely. Princes do not get lonely. Princes were lathered in praise and relationships, platonic or otherwise. Princes drank up attention, and they always received it. The cheers and excitement from their family and friends were a constant in the lives of a Prince. Princes were never lonely, because they were never left alone.

Roman looked around his room, empty and cold, and began to wonder if he was truly the Prince he believed he was.

The others were having a movie night out in the common area of the mindscape. Usually, Roman was the side who initiated such nights, filled with Disney movies, laughter, and an unhealthy amount of popcorn. However, when Virgil had shyly asked Patton and Logan if they could have a movie night tonight, everyone obliged.

They all sat together on the couch, curled comfortably together. The first movie would be Virgil’s choice, since he was the initiator of the movie night, then Roman’s, followed by Patton’s, and, finally Logan’s. Roman didn’t stay long enough to choose his own movie.

A content silence fell over all four of them as the first movie began. Roman’s heart felt fuzzy with the feeling of his fellow sides sharing the couch with him. The feeling of his friends’ warmth eased the pain in his chest just a little bit. Although he’d never admit it, he hadn’t be feeling the best lately, and being surrounded by warm and familiar faces certainly helped him feel better. He was drinking up the feeling of his leg pressed against another, of his arm brushing against someone else's.

About half an hour into the movie, Roman, who was sitting squished between Patton and Logan in the middle of the couch, shifted, and casually laid an arm around the back of the couch. No romantic intent was behind it, certainly, he just wanted to be closer to the other sides. Secretly, he was hoping that Patton would curl into him, and they could cuddle happily. So, when Patton, who was sitting next to him, tensed immediately after Roman’s action, the Prince felt his heart break.

Patton tried to be subtle about it, which Roman both loathed and appreciated simultaneously. However, there was no mistaking the way he shifted away from Roman in lieu of curling closer into Virgil, who was at the far left side of the couch and next to Patton. Roman pushed down the nasty mixture of envy and hurt that rose up in him.

Roman quickly removed his arm from the back of the couch, and tried to ignore the way Patton finally relaxed. Roman shifted again, moving closer to Logan on his other side, to give Patton more room. It wasn’t much, just a brush of their arms together, which was hardly surprising considering that four people were currently curled together on the couch. However, Logan, as Patton had done, tensed immediately, looking very uncomfortable.

Roman knew Logan wasn’t a fan of physical contact, but he had never seen him loathe it so openly. He tolerated Patton’s hugs, and even would curl up with Virgil on the couch every so often so they could read together. Roman sifted through his memories of Logan and his reaction to physical contact. With Patton, he seemed to tolerate, if not enjoy, it. With Virgil, he was more cautious, most likely because he didn’t want to scare the anxious side off, but still seemed to express some contentedness with physical contact.

However, with Roman, Logan always tensed up, instantly on edge. Roman’s hand clapping Logan on the shoulder resulted in the latter side flinching and moving away. An attempt at a hug, an uncommon occurrence, since the two bickered quite often, was met with a scoff and Logan pushing Roman away. The creative side had chalked up Logan’s reactions to his disliking for physical contact, but now he was realizing it was due to a different problem.

Roman.

Logan moved over, curling into himself to make sure he took up less space. He was trying to get away from Roman. The logical side moved until not a single part of his body was touching Roman. He looked so uncomfortable, Roman felt waves of guilt rise up and crash over him.

Roman felt hyper aware of everything he was touching. The couch. The floor, the carpet was soft on his bare feet. His clothes; his usual Prince attire had been abandoned with soft flannel pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt for optimum movie night comfort. So, the couch, the floor, his clothes, and…

Nothing.

His fellow sides had all shifted just to avoid touching him. To avoid him. Roman’s stomach turned at the thought. He looked over at Logan, who was steadily ignoring him and was still curled into a tight ball, which had to be torture on his back. Then, he looked over at Patton, who was snuggled into Virgil’s side, looking utterly content. Finally, he looked at Virgil.

The anxious side looked, well, not so anxious at the moment. He had his arms around Patton, and his cheek pressed against the other side’s hair. He looked happy, and Roman could see a soft smile on his face as he pretended to pay attention to the movie and not the cuddly side in his arms. Roman’s heart ached.

Apparently, he had been staring too obviously, because Virgil’s face twitched, and he turned his head to look at Roman in return. His gaze had a hint of anxiety beneath it, and the soft smile had shifted into something more forced.

“Roman?” Virgil’s voice was quiet and careful in a way that made Roman want to rip his own hair out. At the sound of the anxious side’s voice, Patton stirred, as did Logan, and soon, Roman found himself at the center of everyone’s attention. It made him feel disgusting.

Roman couldn’t focus on anything but his skin, bare and cold as his friends, his family, avoided him like he had the plague. Virgil was talking again, but his voice sounded muffled, like Roman was underwater. And, in a way, he was.

He was being drowned by his own thoughts.

In seconds, Roman was scrambling to his feet, trying to ignore the way every single one of them flinched as he stood. He turned his head, and looked, just for a moment.

Patton looked conflicted, and his eyes were concerned. However, he stayed curled up with Virgil, apparently not finding Roman leaving a big enough concern to leave his comfortable, warm, spot against the other side. Roman couldn’t blame him.

He blinked back tears.

Logan’s gaze was sharp, startling Roman. It wasn’t angry, nor was it particularly disappointed at seeing Roman leave. It was just cold. Calculating. Unforgiving.

Virgil was looked at Roman with a mixture of concern and fear. His arms and shoulders were tensed, and his feet were flat on the floor, as if he was prepared to get up and sprint away at any given time. Roman looked at him and thought of every harsh insult he had spat at him, every shouted word. Virgil’s fear was justified, Roman knew, and the realization stung more than he had thought it would.

He took a deep breath and blinked back more tears.

At last, Roman turned his gaze to the spot he had vacated. It looked too wide for his body, and Roman realized it was because of all the extra room he had due to the others curling away from him. The empty space looked sad, alone, and Roman believed it was an accurate representation of his own feelings.

More deep breaths, more blinked back tears.

They were all talking now, but everything sounded dulled down and muffled. None of them had moved, all still curled together and not willing to get up and tell him to stay.

They didn’t want him to stay.

Roman turned on his heel and left. He tried to be angry, he tried to cover his hurt with his temper, as he always did, but he couldn’t manage to feel anything but broken.

Lonely.

Roman stared at his ceiling from his place collapsed on his bed. He had put on a sweatshirt to battle the cold that was overtaking his room. His room seemed to fluctuate based on his emotions, so the cold was expected, considering how he wasn’t feeling the warmest at the moment.

None of them had come for him. No knock on his door, no words of assurance or concern. They had all just stayed curled together on the couch, probably laughing about his temper tantrum. They were probably cuddling, all warm bodies and love, and thankful they had left.

They were probably happier without him.

At this point, Roman could just faintly hear the beginning of a new movie, Logan’s pick, most likely. Roman didn’t know if he wanted anyone to come for him anymore. He didn’t want to drawn out of his room due to their own guilt. He deserved it, he deserved to be alone.

He could feel every insult and bad word he had ever said bouncing painfully against his skull. All his harsh glares, his extravagant actions. He was insufferable, and he was just now beginning to see it.

A shiny, gold object caught Roman’s eye. He sat up, staring at it. It was his crown, sitting delicately on his desk, waiting to be worn and used in his realm once he travelled back to his kingdom. Roman felt disgust rise in his stomach like bile. What kind of Prince was he, if not even his fellow sides could tolerate him?

Disgust shifted to fury, and Roman pushed himself up, shoulders tense, expression angry. He walked over to his desk, and took the crown in hand. The lights in his room glinted across the metallic surface, forcing him to squint for a moment. Then, his position shifted and the reflected light disappeared, leaving him staring at his own reflection.

He stared intensely, picking himself apart. He criticised every flaw, every irritating part of himself. Then, as his gaze slide over his face, he met his reflection’s eyes. They were sad, filled with tears, and Roman’s disgust returned. All he saw was weakness, and rage over took him.

He threw the crown against the vanity mirror in his room, and both shattered. The action was deafeningly loud, and Roman’s heart stopped as he heard the movie being paused in the commons.

Selfish. You disturbed their perfect movie night so you could throw a temper tantrum? You’re disgusting.

Roman angrily pulled at his own hair and shook his head violently, as if trying to physically get rid of the thoughts. He didn’t succeed, and more thoughts came, hard, fast, and honest. His room was heating up now, as a result of his anger and self-loathing.

Did you see the look on their faces? They hate you. They can’t even stand to sit next to you, let alone give you the attention you so desperately need. Because you do need it, because as much as you claim to be a Prince, you’re nothing but a weak, desperate side who wants to be held.

Roman grabbed the closest object, which happened to be a heavy book, and threw it against the mirror, shattering it into even more pieces. He couldn’t hear it, though, all he could hear was the whispered words swirling violently through his brain.

No wonder they despise you. You’re weak and dramatic. Look, you’re throwing a temper tantrum like a child because no one loves you. New flash, bitch, maybe people would love you if you weren’t so pathetic.

Roman let out a shout, which was strangled and broken due to the tears rushing down his face. He was sweating now, and scrambled to take his sweatshirt off. He couldn’t breathe, the truth behind the words was suffocating him. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn't think. All he could do was listen.

Even Thomas would agree that you’re too loud, too obnoxious. Your ego takes up so much room, it’s a surprise that the mindscape hasn’t burst yet. No one wants to listen to your long-winded rants on idiotic topics. No one cares, Roman. No. One. Cares.

Roman’s breaths were coming in quick, too quick, pants. He was gasping, as if he couldn’t get enough oxygen in his lungs. In the back of his mind, he wondered if this is what Virgil’s panic attacks felt like. He couldn’t breathe.

Speaking of Virgil, it’s no surprise that he hates you. You were awful towards him. Excluding him, insulting him, making him feel awful? That’s one way to make sure that you’ll never be accepted by him. Which, honestly, you deserve.

You’ll be alone forever, Roman. No one will love you. And it’s all your fault.

Another object was hurled at the mirror. There was glass everywhere, and Roman’s panicked mind told him he needed to clean it up, now. It was weak, pathetic, for him to smash a mirror out of anger. Dramatic.

Clean it up, maybe it’ll make up for the fact you destroyed their movie night. Clean it up, it’s just a show of what a failure you are.

Roman’s hands stung as his delved them into the pile of glass. He picked up scoops bare-handed, and, eventually, he couldn’t feel it anymore. He could vaguely hear someone knocking on his door, but everything was numb. He was numb.

He picked up a particularly sharp piece of glass and felt it poke his hand. When he looked down, his hands were washed in crimson blood, and Roman couldn’t help but feel like he deserved it. He stared at his hands for many moments, the pounding on his door not ceasing, and he started picking up more glass.

The edges cut into his hands sharply, but Roman gritted his teeth and continued. His vision was blurry with tears, and he could barely see where the trash bin was to deposit the glass in. He wiped them away angrily, only to remember the blood dripping from his hands. He was sure to have blood coating his face now, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

Not like he had a mirror to see himself in anymore.

Isn’t that a wonderful thing? Now you never have to deal with the sight of your pathetic face again. In fact, why don’t you just stay in your room, so no one else has to either. Do us all a favor and hide, hide like the weak little excuse for a Prince that you are.

The pounding on his door finally stopped, and Roman was relieved. The constant banging was beginning to give him a headache.

However, he wasn’t left in silence for long, because as soon as the knocking stopped, there was a heavy thump on his door, then a snap, and his fellow sides clambered into the room, Thomas with them as well.

They’ve come to mock you, hit you, destroy you. They know they can; they know how weak you are. You’re standing with blood all over you, your room trashed, all because they didn’t want you for a movie night.

Virgil was the first to step forward, and Roman was immediately backed away, scrambling to the far end of the wall, his back pressed up against it. His eyes were wide and glazed over, not processing the sight before him. What are they all doing here? He looked at Patton, who looked to be on the verge of tears. Don’t cry, Patton. I’m fine. I promise. He opened his mouth to say the words, but all that came out was a strangled sob.

How weak, pathetic. They’re disgusted with you, as they should be. You’re here sobbing and destroying things like a child who wasn’t allowed a second scoop of ice cream. You’re so dramatic, Roman.

Virgil was closer now, much closer, his hands coming up, and Roman closed his eyes and tried not to flinch as the other side invaded his personal face. He expected something, maybe a hit, or an insult. He knew he deserved it.

Virgil must have read his mind, because his hands were gently rested on his face as he spoke. “I’m not going to hurt you, Roman, it’s okay. You’re gonna be okay.” The gentle tone of Virgil’s voice made Roman’s lip quiver, and gave him the reassurance to open his eyes.

Behind Virgil, Patton looked horrified, his tear-filled eyes locked on the shattered mirror and splattered blood. Logan’s arm was wrapped protectively around Patton, and his expression was filled with more emotion than Roman had ever seen in the logical side. He looked angry, but not at Roman. He looked angry at himself.

Thomas’ eyes were wide, and his expression was shocked, almost scared. His eyes kept flickering between Roman’s hands, which were still bleeding, and the shattered golden crown. Roman felt his heart break just a little bit more.

Roman finally locked his gaze onto Virgil, and was shocked at the pure determination he saw there. Virgil’s face was fiercely protective, and his eyes were shining with love. Not the pity-filled love that Roman had been expecting, or the fake love he had been dreading, but real, pure, familial love.

“Roman, listen to me,” Virgil began, voice firm, but kind. Roman couldn’t help but hang onto his every word. “We all love you. I don’t know what caused this, but I’m sure it had something to do with us. And I’m so, so sorry, Roman. Really.” Virgil’s eyes shone with tears, but he pressed on, taking a deep breath. If his voice was a bit unsteady when he spoke again, Roman didn’t say anything. “You don’t have to explain what happened. Now, or ever. But just know that we’re all here because we care about you. We always have, and we always will.”

Something inside Roman shattered, and he couldn’t contain his sobs anymore, falling limply into Virgil’s arms, gasping and sobbing. Virgil’s hand ran through his hair, soothing him, and Roman resisted the urge to shudder, soaking up the affection.

God, he was so lonely.

They stayed like that for many moments, until Roman’s sobs turned into sniffles, and the other three people lingering by the door had moved to stand next to them. Finally, Roman picked his head up, seeing all four of them staring at him. He felt his cheeks flush and a wave of embarrassment move through him.

“I’m.. I-I’m sorry, I-I don’t k-know.. I don’t know what h-happened, I’m s-sorry,” Roman stood up unsteadily, and tried to escape from the circle of people surrounding him, “Y-you.. You g-guys can leave now, I-I’m okay. I’m sorry.”

Shame was washing over him, so intense he felt more tears build in his eyes, but then he felt a warm hand on his arm. It seemed to freeze the waves of shame in their tracks. Roman’s skin was buzzing from where the person was touching him. He was turned towards someone, and then another hand was under his chin, gently forcing him to look up.

Thomas’ eyes were warm, but coated in the same determination Virgil’s had been. Roman could feel the warmth coming off of him, and had to force his eyes to stay open and focus on Thomas’ words.

“We’re not leaving, Roman. You’re hurt, physically and emotionally. Virgil was right, we love you so much, too much to just leave you here,” Thomas’ hand ran down his back, soothing him, and Roman did shudder, this time. Thomas’ expression melted into something softer, delicate. Understanding. “You don’t have to answer this, like Virgil said, but, Roman, what happened? What’s wrong?”

Roman didn’t answer immediately. Thomas was patient, and lead him to the bathroom, taking out a soft wash cloth. He ran it under the water and began cleaning the blood from Roman’s hands. The Prince was grateful for the sting, even when Thomas apologized for it. It helped him focus, sort through his thoughts.

He took a deep breath. He was about to spill everything, his insecurities, his thoughts, his feelings. He was about to tell these four wonderful people about every flaw he had. About the voices in his head telling him that he was pathetic. Weak.

He looked around. Logan rushed around, trying to be useful by cleaning up the glass, fetching things Thomas needed to clean Roman’s hands. He wasn’t the best at feelings, Roman knew, but he expressed his affection in other ways. It just took some searching to realize it.

Patton was clinging to Roman as best that he could without disturbing Thomas’ work. He was apologizing profusely, on the verge of tears again, and Roman just shushed him gently, assuring him he hadn’t done anything wrong. Patton hugged him tighter, and Roman’s heart mended itself back together just a little bit.

Virgil was hovering just near Thomas, helping him with cleaning Roman’s hands, fretting. Every so often, he’d look up and give the creative side a soft smile. He didn’t say anything, but his eyes held a certain emotion that was so intense, so pure, that he didn’t need to. Roman knew.

Roman looked around, at these people he’d known his entire existence, and took a deep breath. He knew he could trust them. They would listen, they would understand, and they would help him. He would still have problems, insecurities, bad days, of course. But they would try, together, as a family.

They loved each other.

Taglist: @trans-king-will @keithstopno @otaku-felicity-winchester @jade-dragon226-fan @rileys-main-blog-spot @poppyreid also tagging @bluejay-2910 because... yeah. Let me know if you’d like to be added/removed from my taglist!

[nyaacatboy]

Fate’s Door, Chapter 12: Crash Course Magic

Masterpost/Chapter 11/Chapter 13

“Joan, I’m sorry I dragged you into this. Virgil, Logan, Patton, you too. You all could get in serious trouble for this, and it’s not fair to ask that of you. I shouldn’t have done this. If you want to leave when we get back to Archdale, that’s fine with me.” Roman lowered their head, casting a shadow across their face. Their previous princely attitude was gone, with a scared teenager in place.

Logan adjusted his glasses and gave Roman a piercing look. “There’s no way I’m leaving, Roman. This is important, and I’m not going to let that spell happen. No matter what, you’ll have me.”

The other two remained silent, their heads full of thoughts. Virgil was scared of prison or worse, and she knew that if anyone found out about her abilities, she’d never see the sun again. Yet no one would live if she didn’t use those abilities as best she could. Deep in her heart, Virgil knew that the spell was real. There was no doubt in her mind that awful things would happen after the solstice if nothing was done to stop them.

Patton had no doubt that he would stay with Roman and Logan to help, but he was at the same time not ready to. Of all three of them, he had the least helpful abilities. Sure, he could plan for a road trip, but he knew nothing of magic or storming a castle. All the same, there was no way he could stand idly by while the lives of the children at the orphanage were at stake. With what few skills he had, Patton had to help. He was the only parent those children had left.

“I’m in,” Virgil said, her voice slightly shaking. She still wasn’t quite over the interaction with the King’s Men.

“So am I.” Patton looked at Roman to see their reaction. Their soft smile was genuine.

“Oh yeah, and I’m sticking around. You all need a responsible adult. Teenagers,” Joan said, acknowledging Roman with a nod from the window. Purple streaks of sunset sped by as the train rushed onwards.

Still full of newborn courage, Virgil said, “So, Logan, does your bookstore have anything on sorcery?” She shifted in her seat towards Logan.

“Yeah,” Logan replied, “And since you’ll probably pick up the sorcery language really quickly, we can start as soon as we get there. I’d recommend you work with Patton more than me, though. I’m…”

“Blunt with little regard for emotions?” Roman offered, looking away from the window. In true theatrical fashion, they’d been pretending to be the main character in a fantasy novel, contemplating life as their surroundings rushed by.

“Yeah, basically,” Logan said, shrugging.

“Thanks Logan! I’ll do my best, but you’ll have to help me with understanding the books. Still can’t speak sorcery,” Patton said, smiling at Logan.

Logan blushed. “The language isn’t called sorcery, it’s called Eirsh. Why that is, I don’t know.”

“Guess I’ll hide then,” Roman said.

“You’ll be excellent moral support, Roman,” Logan said, “And we won’t be able to get into the castle without you. You’re not going to be completely useless.”

That night, they slept in the old seats of the train car, sometimes lying across one another just so that a leg or arm could be fully extended. After the strenuous events of the last few days, sleep was a welcome escape. That morning, Joan woke them up and got everyone out into a small town in the foothill. They somehow managed to find a kindly farmer who offered to take them along with him to Archdale. He was going to visit his wife and kids, and filled the empty silence on the way back with stories of his family.

Nonetheless, making the final leg back to Archdale was tense. Roman hid their face with a hat so that no one looking through the windows could see them, and Virgil couldn’t stop looking out the window for King’s Men or curious passerby. Logan and Patton quietly talked about teaching Virgil together, keeping their voices low so as not to make Virgil aware of their plans. After what seemed like an eternity, they arrived in Archdale

The farmer took them all to Joan’s house. Joan wished the group good luck on the rest of their adventures, then shooed the teenagers off to Logan’s place. Going on their suggestion to continue their quest at Food For The Mind, the group took advantage of the nearly deserted mid morning streets to take a quick walk over there. Virgil charged ahead of the rest of the group. There were 9 days left until the solstice, and she was going to make good use of every one.

Meanwhile, Logan thought out the logistics of staying at his bookstore. His parents were going to be back at the end of the week, which left Logan two days to figure out how to explain why he had to have three friends, none of which they’d met before, over at the bookstore for a week. He was not looking forward to that conversation, even though his plan was to tell the truth and leave it at that.

Logan tested his explanation on the two people who had been running Food For The mind in his absence. Dominic understood fairly well when he explained, and Elliot was fine with Virgil replacing them.

“I did some reading while I worked at the store. Our relationship was never what it should have been,” they said when Logan broke the news.

With that issue out of the way, the challenge at hand was running the bookstore while teaching one of its employees how to use her sorcery. Patton and Roman decided to shelve books whenever there weren’t customers, and Virgil would do her employee things whenever customers were present. Everyone was on board with the plan, and Logan managed to scrounge up enough blankets that everyone could sleep in the small apartment over the store with him. With only three people living there, it had seemed the perfect size, but the place was not meant to hold four teenagers. Logan dreaded trying to fit everyone in when his parents returned. Six people might be beyond the small loft’s capacity. But he was too tired to even think about that. That afternoon they didn’t do much more than unpack some things and kinda sorta run the bookstore. Logan closed the doors at 3.

Patton made everyone a simple dinner, and the whole group went to bed early. The trip, and the discoveries it had brought, were exhausting. Virgil was nervous about her sorcery and if it could help, Patton tried to think of nothing as he drifted off, Roman shoved aside worries of their father, and Logan went over the ethics of harboring a prince who was supposed to be in their castle. They slept.

Morning came too soon. All four set up the bookstore, then Logan went and sat at the counter and Roman, Virgil, and Patton grabbed all the books on sorcery they could find, went to the storage room, and got to work. Virgil understood Eirsh almost intuitively, and her books had a lot of information about how magic works. Roman and Patton found little, just a few paragraphs connecting magic to emotions. After going through four thick volumes and marking everything relevant, Virgil started attempting the spells described in the books.

At first, nothing much happened. Occasionally, a flicker of purple would come across Virgil’s hands, or a book would fall down. For hours, Virgil tried a simple levitation spell on a book to no avail. Patton and Roman advised Virgil as best they could, but they didn’t really know what they were doing.

“Uh, strong emotions trigger magic skills the best,” Patton said, “So maybe direct your feelings towards the book?”

Virgil obliged, concentrating on the book even more intently. She tried to focus everything she was feeling on the book while visualizing it floating an inch or two off the ground. It moved a little.

“Don’t channel all of your emotions,” Roman offered. “Since you’re a dark sorcerer, the emotions that turn on your sorcery are all negative. Fear, anger, jealousy, and guilt are listed here as being the best ones.”

This time, the book flew across the room, hit the wall, and stayed there. Virgil looked back at Roman. “Is that better?” The book fell to the ground.

“Maybe control those emotions a little better,” Roman said, “I think they got carried away from you there.”

For an hour, Virgil practiced moving the book. Her control increased, and she even managed to move it forwards and backwards a little. Patton cheered her on, and Roman pored over the books some more.

“Apparently there’s levels to sorcery, and you’re a never-ever, so according to this description you’re a level 2. ‘Few large-scale expressions of powers, just learning control of emotions and how they affect his/her sorcery.’ Sounds like you,” Roman said, turning the page of their book. “There should be little notations on the spells for what level the sorcerer has to be to do them.”

“Oh that’s not good,” Virgil said, “The little number next to the spell for destroying Solus stone is a 28. What’s the description for that?”

“‘20-30: Well-established control of powers, adept at creation spells and illusions. Dark sorcerers start to see their powers manifesting physically, and light sorcerers start to see physical changes such as an unusual radiance/glow from the skin.”

“There is no way I can get to that level in a week unless a miracle happens,” Virgil said, the book shooting up to the ceiling and leaving a dent before ricocheting and knocking Roman’s book out of their hands.

“I’m sure you can get there!” Patton said, “It’s not as bad as it sounds.”

“Says the person who wasn’t struggling with levitating a book,” Virgil grumbled, “Speaking of which, what’s the next level up from this spell?” She made the book do a few loops and shoot all around the room without touching anything.

“Beats me, you’re the one who can read the books with spells in them,” Roman said.

“Oh.” Virgil walked over to her books and looked for a spell that wasn’t going to destroy any property, a surprisingly difficult task. “Unless I can set something on fire, there’s nothing here that’s really helpful. Everything is just breaking things or moving something else around, which I’m pretty sure I’m already good at.”

“Can you write something with a pen without touching it?” Patton asked. He’d been curious about it ever since Virgil had started moving the book around, just because it was a really cool concept.  

Hands outstretched, Virgil concentrated on the pen Roman held to take notes with. The pen shook slightly as it rotated vertically, then moved over to a blank sheet of paper. As it touched down on the paper, Virgil’s face became more flushed. In shaky writing, she wrote her name on the paper.

“Two inch letters. Could be worse,” Roman said.

“Roman! Be nice, it’s her first try,” Patton scolded. “Virgil, keep practicing that. According to Roman’s book”-he leaned over-“you have to fully master the spells of each level before you can go to the next one.”

Logan popped his head into the room. “Lunchtime, and thanks for all the help, Virgil. Patton, Roman, I need one of you out here this afternoon. There was a teacher who needed about four class sets of different books, and I can’t do all the restocking and shuffling on my own. Virgil, keep working on leveling up your sorcery, it’s the best thing you can do right now.” He left, and after some hesitation, Patton, Roman, and Virgil followed.

“How did you know about the levels?” Roman asked Logan as they ate lunch. Today, their lunch was everything left over from the trip since Logan’s parents had a strict no-junk-food policy, and they were going to be here tomorrow. Joan had refused to take any of the food, despite Roman and Patton’s many offers.

“I did a lot of research on sorcery with Patton when we were trying to learn about the Dragon Witch,” Logan said, taking another handful of potato chips, “What level are you, Virgil?”

“Two, and it’s not looking like I’ll level up very soon. It’s really difficult.”

“I’ll help you this afternoon, since I’ve got a good deal of background knowledge on the subject,” Logan offered. “Keep practicing, you’ll get it soon.”

They ate all the food Logan’s parents would definitely not allow except for a bag of candy that Patton wanted to give to the kids at the orphanage. That afternoon, Roman and Patton switched between helping Logan with stacking books and coaching Virgil. Virgil practiced her sorcery, and improved a lot by the time the store closed. She was almost ready for level 3 spells.

For a few hours after closing, all four worked on improving Virgil’s sorcerer abilities. With everyone’s encouragement, she improved rapidly. Level 3 was mostly a continuation of Level 2, but with the introduction of small transformation spells, changing colors and the like. Much to Patton’s delight, she could color his hair rainbow, although the spell did wear off. She practiced on her hair too, turning it pink and purple, then back to the usual brownish-blond.                                                                                                            

However, Logan’s parents were exactly the sort of people who could not stand coming home to a messy apartment. The four spent most of the evening cleaning the apartment above the bookstore and organizing the storage room since Virgil had made quite a mess there while practicing, and couldn’t control her powers enough to fix things with sorcery. They had a quick dinner and went to bed.

Logan half-expected to be woken up by his parents that morning, they were never ones to leave the duties of the bookstore to their son more than necessary. No, he knew they were home when he walked down to the bookstore with Virgil and Patton to take some books out of the storage room. Roman was still upstairs, eating their breakfast.

Both of Logan’s parents were sitting at the round reading table where Patton and Logan had researched the Dragon Witch.

“Hi Dad. Hi other Dad,” Logan said, “How was your trip?”

“Pretty good,” Corbin said, “We made some awesome deals with suppliers and met some other bookstore owners.”

“It was awesome! We went to the ocean every day and got you a lot of gifts. You’ll love them, although I may need to borrow some of the books every once in a while. And we made so many new friends, I may actually need to learn to cook so we can have dinner parties and stuff,” Sloane said.

Virgil entered the room. “Oh, are these your parents?” she asked Logan.

“Yep. That’s them.”

“Who’s this?” Corbin said, looking at Logan suggestively. “Did you get a-“

“-This is Virgil, she’s the employee Dominic and I hired so we could have extra help while you were gone.”

“I see,” Sloane said, looking at his husband. “You don’t think…”

“No. Absolutely not,” Logan said, starting to turn red.

Unfortunately for Logan, Patton entered the room just then.

“And who is this?” Sloane asked. “You can’t have possibly needed two employees while we were gone.”

“Dad, Pops, this is Patton Cahen. He’s here to help out some, yes, but also for a…project.” Logan was turning even redder.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Gaines and Mr. Gaines,” Patton said, extending a hand to shake.

“Oh, call me Sloane, and thank you for being so polite!” Sloane winked at Logan over Patton’s shoulder as they shook hands.

Corbin gave Sloane the look of “don’t torture our kid anymore.”

“Sorry about my parents, guys,” Logan said, fidgeting with his glasses. “They’re kind of embarrassing.”

“They’re alright,” Virgil said. Patton nodded in agreement.

Logan cleared his throat. “Patton, Virgil, could you leave me and my parents alone for a little bit? I have to explain some…things.”

Once the two had left the room, Corbin and Sloane’s expressions shifted to seriousness. “We know that you can’t have two people over for normal bookstore operations. What’s happening, Logan?” Corbin asked his son. “We do trust you, but there are certain limits, and I’m worried that you may have crossed some of those while your father and I were away.”

It was impossible for Logan to ignore the sense of being on trial. “There’s this…prophecy of sorts that Virgil knew about for some reason. She is an employee here, and on her first day here I showed her around and everything. At the end of the day, she left this letter with the spell on it, and a credible story about how that came about, and that she couldn’t help. I knew I had to do something about it, but there was going to be too much to sort through on my own. So I asked Patton-he comes in a lot during my shift-to help me, and he did. Little did I know that she also looked for help. I guess eventually she realized that she had to help too, so she somehow found the prince, Roman, and got hi-them to help as well. Her and the prince came up with a plan that was a hundred times better than what Patton and I had. We...ran into each other and carried out that plan they had, as a larger group. To stop the curse, we thought that a magical artifact could break the spellcaster out, so we travelled to a few places with Joan-he’s a friend of Thomas’s? You know, the travelling actor who came in one afternoon and had tea with you guys?”

“I remember him,” Sloane said, “Go on, I’m curious to see how you all got here.”

“Well, along the way we found out that Virgil’s a dark sorcerer, which was a surprise for her too. We didn’t find any magical artifacts, so we came back here and decided training her was the best course of action to break the curse. Now we’re all running the bookstore and learning more about sorcery. I didn’t touch your personal collections, though. You know what? I’m going to give you my file on the curse and sorcery so I don’t have to explain this whole thing to you.” Logan made a hasty exit.

“Do you think our son’s under some sort of magical influence?” Corbin asked Sloane.

“Yeah, there is no way he would normally do any of that. He’d rather observe that spell than go out and stop it,” Sloan replied. “Maybe he’s growing out of that, but it doesn’t seem likely. Especially not over two weeks.”

Logan re-entered. “Here.” He plunked the folder on the table, then disappeared into the apartment to warn Roman of his parents.

Roman was making their way through a bowl of oatmeal when Logan burst into the apartment. “My parents are here. You need to work some serious royal convincing skills to make them actually consider letting you stay here because they are not fans of just letting anyone stay here. The chores are brutal,” Logan said.

“Oh”-Roman yawned-“ok. I just woke up, but ok. I’ll go down there after I get dressed.”

“Alright,” Logan said, “Just hurry up. They’re probably going to be more mad the longer I wait to tell them that the missing prince is staying here.”

Fortunately for Logan, Roman’s princely charm worked amazingly on Sloane and Corbin. Before lunchtime, Corbin and Sloane were absolutely delighted with their new houseguest and excited to help the whole crew with their quest. Logan was unnerved.

“My parents like you more than they like me,”he told Roman when the dads left the room to get some books.

“What can I say, I’m likeable,”Roman said with a slight smile. They tapped their fingers on the table. It was not the first nervous tic of the prince’s that Logan had noticed.

Sloane and Corbin delegated the task of running the bookstore to Logan and Patton for the day. The couple supervised Virgil’s practicing sorcery while chatting with Roman. The books in their private collection were almost all sorcery-based, and they had a lot of background knowledge on the art of sorcery. Virgil flourished under their trainings, rising to level ten. Roman enjoyed talking to them, especially about politics. They understood their predicament, somehow, and helped them begin to formulate a plan about overthrowing his father if the incantation was stopped.

Every day, Virgil’s sorcery abilities improved infinitesimally. Well, actually they improved exponentially, but I had to roast Logan at least once here. Under the mentorship of Logan’s dads, she expanded her power so much that it was hard to believe the things she could accomplish.

Roman was proud of her. From just reading the books on sorcery, they knew that it was extremely difficult. Virgil progressing like this was a product of her hard work and dedication, quite a change from the girl who was so afraid of doing something about the prophecy that she handed a note to a stranger.  

But as they thought about Virgil’s progression through the levels, Roman had the sinking feeling that, no matter how hard Virgil worked, she was not going to be at the level she needed to be by the end of this week. And under pressure, they had no idea how she’d do. Knowing Virgil’s tendency to think the worst, and overthink it, she would probably do worse with the weight of the world on her shoulders.

That meant that the kingdom needed a backup plan. Roman knew that with their power and status, there was no one better to put in as a backup. But, oh, the stakes! They would have to give so much up-was it even worth it?

Yes. Yes. For the kingdom, for their friends. There was no other way. Roman took the red scarf out of their bag and put it around their neck. What better way to continue his mother’s legacy than sacrifice?

It didn’t take long to write down a few things on a stray piece of paper, to remember just in case. Then, they went back to alphabetizing the new fiction books.

Virgil burst through the door to the back room, startling Roman. “So, I went to my house early this morning to look for some...stuff and I found that there was a backside to the prophecy. Basically, this”-she gestured at the general area-“was all prophesied.” She waved a scribbled-on receipt in their face. Roman read it.

“So this was all predicted. The four of us. Interesting, but makes sense. I haven’t felt particularly in control of my actions during this journey,” Roman said, “Have you...felt like that at all?”

“Yeah, some. It was weird how quickly I switched from not wanting anything to do with the prophecy to throwing my all into stopping it. Also, Logan doesn’t seem like quite the type for this. He’s too absorbed in his books. Patton, maybe. But even so, with how much he loves the kids at the orphanage, it doesn’t make sense that he left them at the drop of a hat,” Virgil said. “Maybe we’ll actually stop the prophecy. I need to tell Patton!”

She left the room, and Roman went back to sorting. Yes, they would stop the prophecy. Roman was sure of that much.

TAGS: @fanficptsd get added

[chicagocityofclans]

Keith ‘West’ Freemen → Hale Appleman→ Rat

→ Basic Information

Age: 37

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Bisexual

Born or Made: Born

Birthday: November 30

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius

Religion: Deism

→ His Personality Growing up, West couldn’t be described as anything else than a pleasure-seeker. Although he was a natural born leader and multilingual, West was that special person who believed that the pursuit of pleasure is the most important thing in life. Given, he still enjoys alcohol, parties, drama and mischief. In addition, West always composes himself in a nonchalant, confident and serene way; his mannerisms are extremely theatrical. However, this is all a persona to cover his own feelings of vulnerability and self-hatred that was instilled in him by his nonexistent parents. Because of this West is not quick to become close to or friends with others but when he finds someone he trusts then West cares for them extremely deeply. This devotion is visible in West’s love and loyalty towards Dakota.

→ His Personal Facts

Occupation: Team member of BOND and ANUBIS

Scars: Various marks and scars from past missions and a reckless life style

Tattoos: Dakota’s name written on his ribs close to his heart

Two Likes: Knowledge and HGTV

Two Dislikes: Slobs and Constant Negativity

Two Fears: Being a Target (not to be confused with being afraid hunters) and Spontaneous Combustion

Two Hobbies: Mixology and Ballroom Dancing

Three Positive Traits: Vulnerable, Caring, Loyal

Three Negative Traits: Self-Sacrificial, Hedonistic, Self-Hating

→ His Connections

Parent Names:

Maura Freeman (Mother): West has avoided speaking to her for a year now, the last one ended with a dig about his recklessness and Dakota’s missing eye

Richard Freeman (Father): West very rarely sees his father, and avoids eye contact if they pass in the halls. They haven’t spoken since Christmas of 2016

Rina English (Mother In Law): Rina took West in as if he was her own son. Since childhood she would pack a lunch for Dakota and For West, help with his homework, and nurtured him when his own parents’ negativity caused him to break.

Michael English (Father In Law): Michael was hesitant of West at first, but they bonded when West began to show interest in training to join Michael's team, BOND. West learned everything he knows about BOND and spying in general from Michael.

Sibling Names:

Max “Keith II” Freeman (Brother): Maura and Richard decided to begin aging and have a second kid decades after West was born. He thinks he’s the replacement child. West only sees Max in passing, but doesn’t hate him.

Children Names:

None

Romantic Connections:

Dakota English (Mate): West never thought he would ever want to give up any of his freedom and make a commitment. Love was a four letter song he danced around. When Dakota gave up her eye for him, he couldn’t deny the depth of what was really there, the absolute love and loyalty that he didn’t think he deserved. They became very serious in the last year and recently eloped.

Platonic Connections:

Sam Whitney (Co-Worker): West was put in charge of training Sam when she was transferred over to ANUBIS. They bonded over their joint desire to have others trust them.

Jalissa Toll (Confidant): Jalissa honestly understands him. During a bad high, she found him and helped him through it. The next day they had a serious conversation and she introduced him to Roman, in addition to giving him a run down about human and supernatural drugs, and potions.

Odell Rella (Party Buddy): Odell and West have gained a friendship from their equal desires for a good party and West’s position in ANUBIS.

Roman Clerigh (Supplier): Roman was referred to West by Jalissa. He has a reputation for being the most trustworthy and discreet warlock to get potions and other illegal items from.

Hostile Connections:

Vee Armstrong (Hostile): Vee has a major stick up her ass. She’s very much a Yes Man and has literally ratted him out for being intoxicated or inebriated while during his watch on multiple occasions. West has even woken up in the middle of Lake Michigan after a long intoxicated nap, courtesy of Vee.

Jaychee London (Professor): Jaychee is West’s Econ professor. She makes him hate college more and more with every assignment. She said she’s trying to weed out those who can’t make the cut, but in the process is breaking the ambition of students who want to be there and deeming their hope in the education system. On multiple occasions West has been tempted to sneak into her office and destroy papers and wires, but has held off for now.

Pets:

None

→ History West wasn’t exactly planned by his young parents and is considered their mistake baby. He was a disappointment to them but he had no idea why or how to fix it. His parents kept him away from other pack members and out of daycare. He was unpopular, soft spoken, gangly and bullied by his human peers when he entered grade school. One day, in the 2nd grade, everything changed for him. In early May, right before school was to let out for the summer, Dakota English saved him from a massive beating by his bullies. Dakota threw rocks, knocking some kids out and distracting others, long enough for West to escape. He knew her from the pack but had never interacted with her before. That day they formed a lasting friendship and bond. Which was solidified by spending their summer vacation tormententing his bullies in rat form.

West found his voice with Dakota and broke out of the shell his parents built around him. He started incorporating himself into his pack, against his parents wishes, and quickly made friends with the other pack members his age and older. However, the damage made by his parents had already taken great effect on his early life. Nothing he did could please them and it finally took a mental toll on him. The new bonds he was forming weren’t enough to stop him from turning to drugs, smoking and potion mixtures once he was older. West had his first cigarette at the age of 11, he started smoking marijuana at 13, popped his first pill at 14, stole and drank his first intoxication hallucination potion at 16. That’s when he was caught by Jalissa Toll. She aided him but was obligated to tell Nick, Mills and his parents. His parents practically disowned him. That’s when they confirmed that they were trying for a new and better baby. While Nick and Mills tried to keep it from the pack, his parents outed his addictions, causing a newfound hatred for them.

Alongside Jalissa, Dakota started to aid West in his addiction, which is in part responsible for taking their friendship to the next level. Since the day that she saved his life from those bullies, West knew she was going to be his mate. He was sure she felt the same way, but silently they both seemed to agree not to act on their feelings or instincts. It was only after his accident with Jalissa, that he confided in Dakota and took their relationship to the next level, officially becoming a couple with intentions of being a mated pair. West started training for BOND at 17 by Michael, Dakota's father. He told West it was his intention to keep him too busy to bed his daughter or participate in his drug usage. His thirst for knowledge helped him raise the ranking, with just 4 months into NERVOUS, beginners training/team, West was able to join BOND before he graduated High School. With the blessings of Dakota’s parents and Nick, West mated with Dakota after finishing their bachelor’s degree.

Even with everyone's help and Dakota by his side, as he started to take on more responsibility, West started taking heaviers drugs and darker potions again. He and Dakota were out on a BOND mission, involving witches and warlocks, when everything went wrong. Inquiring about a liquid euphoria potion to the wrong witch had cost Dakota an eye. It quickly sobered him up. West blamed himself and his bad habits. It took him days to fully realize what Dakota had done, and what that meant from her. He agonized for weeks trying to show her his guilt and love and apology for what he did. After about a month, Dakota got sick of him hovering around her and they eased their way back to normal. West has cut back on his using a lot, but he still hasn’t kicked anything.

→ The Present West has returned to school for his Master’s degree and has been taking business courses online. Like Jaxson, and a select few other pack members, West wants to have his own business in SUGAR, while working with BOND and ANUBIS. West and Dakota have been saving up to start buying properties around the world to stay in during missions. They’ve been tossing around ideas but have yet to decide on what they’ll be selling or what services they want to provide. They’ve thrown around a non-suit clothing store, a bakery, and the current favorite, house flipping.

Last week the pack found out that they had eloped when someone ‘mistakenly’ opened a letter addressed to the both of them. It was their marriage certificate. Michael, Rina and a few other pack members have congratulated them. A few other members, including Nick,  have not brought it up. West can feel their eyes lingering on them longer than usual. He knows they’re the talk of the pack and they’ll have some questions to answer sooner rather than later, when everyone's shock wears off.

→ Available Gif Hunts (we do not own these)

Hale Appleman (Keith ‘West’ Freemen) [1][2][3][4]

[avadakaravadra]

tea & biscuits || lina and jax

While a new friendship buds above in the night sky, another crumbles beneath it.

Apparently, it was going to be a sleepless night for Jax. The realization had come after a particularly noisy racoon had sought help at his window, wanting a thorn out of her paw. Of course, Jax had obliged, but true to his Nox curse— now that he had risen once during the night, he was doomed to stay up. Nashira’s inky wings soared above him as he made his way to the lake. During the day, he wasn’t there often. But at night, it was one of his favorite places to be when he couldn’t sleep as the reflection of the stars rippled in its surface. As sounds of excitement came from Nashira, he called up to her mentally. “Find a friend?” The bird stayed silent for once, which he found deeply suspicious. He had his answer as to why as his eyes trailed to family's dock, and he could make out the form of Lina there. Suddenly dread filled his insides, and he stopped in his tracks. Was it too late to turn back? Had she already noticed him?

Of course, Lina knew it was dumb to sit at the spot that she and Jax screwed. She knew it wasn’t going to happen and she knew she was an idiot for feeling like maybe she wasn’t good enough in bed and that was part of the reason he was being weird. She knew that wasn’t it and it the dinner, but trying to get out of her own head was harder than expected. When Biscuit took off to the sky, she was startled, a yelp coming from her. She soon realized it was Nash and looked around the lake looking for Jax. When she finally caught him, she raised her hand for a wave. “Hey,” She was trying to act natural, as if she picked this spot randomly, though her blush gave away that she had not. “How are you?”

The effect of her greeting over Jax was instantaneous as he felt nearly every muscle in his body tense. It was as if it was preparing for fight or flight, though he knew that at this point the latter wasn’t a viable option, and the former wasn’t one he was willing to consider. It made him angry that it wasn’t. He’d hurt countless people that had gotten in his way without a blink of an eye, and now that Lina was sitting firmly in his path after making her sentiments obvious at the centurion dinner— he still knew that hurting he was the last thing he wanted. He was failing, disappointing his father and the family name even if Jefferson didn’t know it. But in another moment he was careful to put his body at ease, trying to appear as if everything was normal. Though it hadn’t escaped his notice that she’d chosen to sit in the spot they’d hooked up on, and her blush only made more memories of the time rush forth unbidden, as he was unable to wipe from his memory the redness that had filled her cheeks once they’d finished. And there was that stupid question again. Not exactly ‘Are you fine?’ but still asking after his emotional state. Which was something he was still trying to deny even existed. “I’m fine,” he said almost as a prod towards himself and his idiotic sensitivity to Lina’s words. “How are you?” he shot back, though his words were carefully neutral.

To say Lina felt like a stupid little girl right in that moment was an understatement. A few days wasn’t going to fix what she had said or what she had done or what they had done. Her knees went to her chest, making herself as small as she could at his answer. She hadn’t been expecting rainbows and sunshine, but she expected something more than the same flat tone that people often used with Lina. “I missed Christmas with my dad.” She said instead of I’m fine back. Maybe the openness would be better, maybe Jax would be taken off guard and she’d be able to get behind the mask he had put up for her. She looked up at the sky, two figures playing. “Nash and Biscuit seem to be having fun.” At least they were happy.

Jax couldn’t miss Lina’s attempt at making herself smaller, and it only caused another pang of guilt tug at him, a rather new emotion for him to be feeling. But it was soon followed by the anger once more, as his mind threw accusations at him for caring in the way that he was for someone that should be his enemy. He was somewhat surprised by Lina’s admission, as he’d gotten the sense before that she and her dad were rather close. “Why’s that?” This had to be a safe topic to speak of, right? It was of a mortal man, and mortal affairs. Mentally checking on Nashira and Biscuit flying above them, he tried his best to continue at pretending everything was normal. “What can I say, she’s a social gal.”

With her arms wrapped against her knees and her chin tucked in between her knees, Lina felt a bit like a kid again. Her small frame did wonders for hiding, but she wished she could go invisible like Maia. Of course, the conversation with Jax wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t actually a conversation with Jax. “His girlfriend is the most annoying person I’ve ever met. I have to call him Pete in front of her and she constantly tells me ways to make myself better. Go to college, wear makeup, go vegan.” She rolled her eyes,”It’s exhausting.” She didn’t know why she was saying it. She didn’t know why she was telling Jax about Karen, but it was nice to talk to him. She watched their two companions fly through the air together. “Who would have thought a bat and raven would be friends?” But then again, who would have thought Lina and Jax would be? She wondered if their friendship would crash and burn like hers did.

Jax shouldn’t be walking closer to the dock, nearing Lina as he went. But the way she was speaking, it was almost as if he could pretend that the dinner had never happened, that they’d only just met here for another moonlit rendezvous. He had so few people he could trust this days, and though he knew Lina could no longer be one of them— it didn’t change that as much as he didn’t want to admit it to himself...he wanted her to be one of them. But again the other side of him lashed out, telling him that these were the thoughts of a traitor. How could he possibly want to trust someone that was working against his need for vengeance? Working against the debt that his former centurion was owed. And it wasn’t just that. The Greeks had proved in that small moment that they were a hazard to all the Romans with their unpredictable ways. He wouldn’t let them hurt his remaining friends, his city, his home. Lina was included in those he’d been trying to protect, and here she was going against his secret efforts. He tried to only focus on Lina’s words, and not the civil war within his thoughts. “You’re telling me this isn’t the beginning of your staunch vegan phase?” Had he made a joke? Maybe. It was what he should have done, right? He gave a shrug at her last comment, not having any particular reply to it.

Lina had been avoiding looking at him, though was subtle about it. If she looked at him, she’d remember everything that attracted her to him. She’d remember how he understood her better than anyone else. And then she’d remember how she insulted his family, twice. She’d remember that he had a reason to be angry with her. She’d remember how she had acted like a petulant child, showing up to the Christmas already drunk because she couldn’t quite handle the idea of sitting through a dinner with some of those people. And Jax hadn’t been included in those people. Really she had expected them to leave together, but maybe she had gotten her hopes up. Why would someone like Jax actually want someone like her? “I’m going to be a vegan beauty school student. Get all of her checklist out of the way.” She hated how the joking made her miss him that much more. She missed him and he was stood in front of her, wasn’t that fucked up.

For the moment, Jax resisted the increasingly strong urge to sit down beside Lina, simultaneously trying to bury the memory of the delicious sounds she’d been making the last they’d been here as his lips and hands had traveled her. Though he supposed he shouldn’t be surprised that he was still annoyingly attracted to her. After all, he’d slept with Greeks hadn’t he? He knew attraction didn’t have to have grounds in emotional connection, but he was having a harder time of convincing himself of such things these days between Adriana and Lina. Still, it was managing to hold true for him. But despite his internal debate, her absurd words managed to draw a chuckle from him— though as soon as it fell from him it felt as if the sound waves of it had turned right back around to spear him through the chest. His own words echoed through his head from his last Cult job. ‘Pain hits you right in the gut. Knowing that things are different now. That even though they’re alive and well things will never be the same.’ He shouldn’t be laughing with Lina. Or should he? His father would most likely tell him to keep his enemies closer, but all his usual tricks he employed felt dirty when he thought of using them on Lina, and he was growing increasingly angry with his mind’s apparent need to grow a conscience where she was involved. “She must be thrilled.”

Lina wanted to kiss him. She wanted to feel him pick her up again like her weight was nothing to him. She wanted to lose herself in the moment and call him things she never would otherwise. The idea sent a shiver through her body and she had to pretend it was the cold. Her hands rubbed up and down her arms, trying to get rid of goosebumps that were popping up from the mere idea of Jax touching her again. Maybe it was the knowledge that it would never happen again that made it so dangerous for her to think about. Something lost was often something sought after more than not. Were they lost? Yes, they were. “She won’t be thrilled until my father blocks my phone number and changes addresses without telling me.”

For a moment, Nashira’s attention was back on Jax, and she called down to him as they both took notice of Lina’s chilliness. “Well, don’t be an asshole. Be the gentleman you were raised to be. Sit your ass down.” Finally, his knees got the best of him— folding in so that he could sit beside Lina as he saw her shiver. Why was she even out here without warmer clothes? He told himself he sat because he was tired and unable to fall asleep, and his secondary excuse should the first one implode was that he was simply being a gentleman as Nashira demanded, and he let the heat radiating off him find its way to her as they ended up closer. Though he didn’t dare touch her. That would most likely result in a heat that was similar to how they’d ended up doing much more than kissing underneath some mistletoe. His brows drew together in concern before he could stop them, and just as the voice in his head began to berate him he only just managed to silence it for the moment being. If he’d taken the time to think on it, he’d realize it was the first time he’d ever so wholly managed such a feat. “Yeah, as if we wouldn’t be able to find him even if something like that happened.” Another stab of pain at the word we. Who knew two little letters could make such an effective weapon against himself?

Finally, Lina caved and looked over at him. She told herself she’d only look for a second, but as if she was a starved man, one second of him wasn’t enough. Her eyes swept over him, trying to memorize the shape of his brows, the angle of his nose, the softness of his lips. It was if she would never see him again and she need to sear him into her brain to make sure she had one good memory left. After staring at his lips for far too long, Lina tore her eyes away, face looking away from him. She couldn’t kiss him and she had to accept it. “If he wanted out, I’d give him out. My life has been spent with too many feeling trapped by me and I won't force more people into the trap that is Lina. And maybe Karen’s right, maybe he’s better off without me.” Was she talking about her dad still? She didn’t think so.

For a moment, Jax couldn’t help but notice where her gaze had gone to his lips, and his heart had already begun to pound faster in his chest, as if it knew that him kissing her was inevitable. Unknowingly, he leaned forward in the slightest, his body moving of its own accord before Lina looked away. It was too easy for Jax to fall back into the way they’d been, though the realization of having done such a thing only made him more upset— another reminder of what it was he’d lost. “Karen sounds like a bitch. And wrong.” But Lina’s other words confused him. Could she actually believe such a thing? He didn’t know all that much about Lina’s past, but he couldn’t help but think that her equating herself to a trap wasn’t something that was accurate. “And I’m sure your father would never want to be without you.”

The movement of him leaning forward caught Lina’s eye and she looked back toward him. She mimicked his motion, her body spurred on by his. There was a flicker of potential, maybe they would kiss and Lina’s fears of them being forever changed would be proven wrong. She doubted it, but still she kept looking at him. “Karen is a bitch.” Lina wasn’t sure she was wrong, however. He was just being nice to her, like he always was, even when she proved over and over again she didn’t deserve it. “He would be one of the few to think that then. I’m a little much for a lot of people.”

Jax’s body was begging him to move forwards once more, to close the distance between him and Lina just as he had done underneath the mistletoe, and once again in this very spot at the lake that same night. There were too many directions his mind was trying to pull him. One was in the direction of locking his lips to Lina’s because it was simply what he wanted to do. But when had he last let himself do simply what he wanted to do? At the same time there was the voice demanding that he not fraternize with anyone that could support the Greeks. The last was the voice of his father, a sound that he was never far from. It was this one that made Jax’s decision for him— for this voice was also telling him to kiss Lina. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer, right? But manipulating her to such an extent was something that caused his stomach to roll, and he knew that if it was something Jefferson would approve of— it wasn’t something he wanted to do to Lina. “Well then people are stupid,” he said as he inched backwards once more, disappointed and relieved all at the same time. “You don’t need them.”

Lina swallowed that hope that had welled up in her quickly as Jax inched away from her. It hurt to see him back away and she couldn’t help but wonder if she had said what she did if they’d already be kissing. Her arms wrapped themselves tightly around herself and she sunk further down, the small woman a small ball now. “You’re one of the few who thinks I don’t need them.” Hadn’t he said this before during training? That people were idiots and she didn’t need them. “Don’t we all need people to support us?” She didn’t have that, at least not as much as she needed. That was the most devastating thing of the dinner; realizing that she needed people much more than they needed her. Realizing that the people she needed didn’t need her. Realizing that her views made them not even want her.

Jax wanted to be certain that he’d made the right decision in not kissing her. But it was most likely he would never truly know if it was or not. It was infuriating to no end, and a rather foreign concept to not be sure of something he’d done. Most of his actions had the utmost confidence behind him, and he was quickly finding that this questioning of everything he did was terribly annoying. He knew he’d said something quite similar in training, but that didn’t make his words any less true. “Maybe. But why would you want people like that supporting you?”

Lina forced herself to look forward, the disappointment that she was trying make disappear crawling up her throat. It’s presence was so distracting she didn’t know how she was breathing. She almost wanted to hate him for how this was making her feel, how out of control he got her. She’d be perfectly fine at keeping control in almost all situations before him. Now she was a miserable lump sitting in the freezing cold feeling like a teenager who had had gone through her first break up. She leaned her face on its side against her arms. “Because then at least I would have someone supporting me.”

Jax shrugged himself out of his jacket, taking note of the way Lina had curled into a ball. Was the brisk air making her cold? Or was it their strained conversation? Either way, it made him feel better if he did something. Draping the garment over her shoulders wordlessly, he tried his best not to look at her. After their almost kiss, he didn’t trust himself to see her once more without the urge resurfacing. He wanted to say he supported her. That there were other supporting her. But saying he supported someone who rooted for the Greeks would go against his every fiber, or at least— that’s what he thought. But then why was every inch of his body telling him to comfort Lina no matter the cost? As if the cost of not comforting Lina was far greater than anything else? “It’d probably prove more toxic than helpful.” Nashira dipped down from her playing to check on the pair for a moment, sensing Jax’s tumultuous emotions. “This is getting a bit tangled, Jax.” She was right. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could do this for with all these voices sounding off against one another in his head. “You should get some sleep, Lina.”

That heavy lump in her throat grew more uncomfortable as he draped his jacket over her shoulders. Of course, somehow in the middle of her trying to hate him, he does that. Lina couldn’t help but snuggle into the jacket. It was very cold outside and the fact that it was Jax’s definitely had nothing to do with it. She sighed,”Hasn’t everything turned out to be more toxic than useful lately?” At least everything to do with her. At least fake support would give her a few moments of assurance that she wasn’t being crazy. She watched her bat, Biscuit, fly down a bit to, she assumed, check on her. “As if she sleeps much anymore.” Biscuit, unbeknownst to Lina, hissed to Jax. The demigod woman sighed again, but nodded. “I probably should. I’m a bit of a nocturnal creature because of my mother.”

Lina’s question was a loaded one, and Jax didn’t particularly want to answer it. His entire life was toxic, it was simply unfortunate that everything seemed to be taking on a similarly poisonous tone, though he tried to remind himself that this sort of animosity towards the Greeks was what he wanted. What his friends, family, and city deserved. Biscuit’s comment did nothing but worry him, his brow drawing together. Why wouldn’t Lina be sleeping? But being a nocturnal creatures naturally was something he could relate to. “My grandmother doesn’t let me like the day all too much either,” he supplied in what he hoped was a lighter tone. He didn’t want to leave this meeting as tragically as the rest of it had seemed to go. He rose from his place and began to retreat, already knowing he’d stayed too long, been too invested. “Take care of yourself, Lina.”