#SO SO SAD ..... AND UR JUST EXISTING AND LIVING AND BREATHING AND FUCK YOU PROBABLY SMELL SO NICE I MISS U ..... I MISS U MORE THAN U THINK

[dzzeekipling]

Top 5 The Get Down scenes? Top 3 songs?

UR KILLING ME

top FIVE????? I HAVE TO CHOOSE???

5. "hes pretty cool right?" "yeah" "not as cool as me though right??"

(insert something very true and deep about missing your best friend after growing apart) rara n zekes friendship is never talked about but such a grounding force within the show the world would not turn without zeke and rara holding the reign and pulling the strings together

4. "the world is yours. so battle" on one hand the way grandmaster delivers this so succinct so concrete to a young teen whose never had anything. whose only knowledge is abuse and power. whose only life is what he made of it. what better way to create an empire out of rubble. its all one thing but also the way GMF is a real living breathing person so was/is every black/latino youth in ny searching for a reason for being when society is asking you why you should exist.

3. "you ever been in love?" dizzee always the outcast finally finding a similar soul. the slight smirk he makes when he first meets thor n its like hes always known him. its love. its home. the tenderness of painting each others smile. the graffiti heart he makes to him in the finale.

2. "i got thunder and lighting inside of me but you also make me calm. real calm. almost like how god must me calm, you know mylene? calm from loving?" zeke is at the core just a young boy wanting to be wanted and loving to be loved. his outbursts are short but make such an impact. softspoken to a fault. sad until it forms anger. or resolution. the cancer. the poet. the books. the fairytales in the bronx that never had a happy ending. sits alone with his pen n hopes maybe this time itll be different.

1. "life is short. and if you an alien you gotta not apologize for being an alien" the line thats stuck with me the longest? the one thats probably impacted my teen life the most? the one thats poster child of this blog after all these years? yeah.

TOP 3 SONGS:

SHAOLINS THEME / PRAY: ( king of all things it is i in the flesh )

this is such a good dissection of shaolins character i would write a novel but this is already long as it is

UP THE LADDER: mylene's come with me / and we shall run across the sky / illuminate the night

vs

zeke's a candle flickers / life, this river, fuck ill miss her / i can never hope to hide it

not to be dramatic but just k*ll me

RULE THE WORLD: michael kiwanukas n nas r geniuses its the nexus the foundation the song i think of when i think of the get down!!! "do i have to rule world? or will it come to me?" what other thoughts plague your mind when youre 16, alone with no place to go?

[jxmbi]

⠀

[shingia]

Hello!!! I love ur fics sm 😭💖 This is weirdly specific and been plaguing my mind for days,,, Can I req an angsty fic where Atsumu broke up with the reader because he wants to chase his dreams and ultimately leaves but with the reader saying "I'll wait" . A few months later he seeks for the reader again and finds out the reader has terminal illness and is dying. You can decide if there's major character death or a miracle,,,, please and thank u so much!!

𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐨𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐨 - 𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

aw thank youuuu <33 and also WOW this request is in-tense, i modified the ‘terminal illness’ part a little bit for plot convenience, but i rly hope you’re gonna like it ! i am : stressed. also, i’m a sucker for happy endings (just ignore my last bokuto fic) so i couldn’t go full angst on that one 😅

quick storytime : my great grandpa died from heartbreak and i always thought it was a beautiful (yet very sad) way to die, so i guess that’s where i got my inspiration from <3

⤷  atsumu x gn!reader | angst | word count : 1.7K

warnings : hospital environment, heart condition, mild description of ‘illness’ and mentions of death (a little)

your first kiss with miya atsumu had been sloppy, dizzy, with a strong scent of rum and smudged lip balm all over your lips. but there was no doubt that it had been the best kiss of your entire lives…

…just like your last had been the worst. 

two months later, atsumu still couldn’t forget the salty taste of your lips that begged him not to leave. if he focused hard enough, he could even remember the feeling of your hands desperately clinging to his jacket in a last attempt at making him stay by your side.

but he didn’t, and as much as he hated himself for putting an end - even temporary - to what had been the most beautiful chapter of his life, he had never regretted his decision ; and he knew exactly why. you had promised to wait for him, and in pure egoism, he knew and hoped that you would. because no matter the distance, he was still madly in love with you.

which is why he did not understand why osamu was so outraged when he told him that he was finally ready to come back to you. but the younger twin knew things that his brother didn’t - he had seen you let yourself waste away, like nothing else mattered without the one you loved.

but more than that, atsumu did not know about the secret his brother promised to keep. he did not know that, two weeks ago, osamu had found you unconscious in your living room with an alarmingly slow heartbeat. the poor boy had not understood everything the doctors had told him - but whatever a cardiogenic shock was, he knew that it would have carried you off if without his intervention.

however, you had been categorical : atsumu shouldn’t not know about this, under any pretext. you refused to be a burden to the pursuit of his dreams for which he had already sacrificed so much for. but now that atsumu was back, something about this promise didn’t sit right with his brother. and so he decided to tell him everything.

« …most doctors thought about a standard heart attack » he told him after explaining the situation, on the lookout for any impulsive reaction from his brother. « … but one of them talked about something else. you might want to sit down ».

but atsumu couldn’t care less about his brother’s advice. actually, he didn’t care about anything else than you right now. it was already taking a lot of effort for him to stand there listening to samu instead of being on his way to the hospital - but he stayed. for an obscure reason that he didn’t really understand, he stayed.

« did you know that people can die of heartbreak ? » osamu asked, more serious than he had ever been in his whole life. 

the blonde twin felt like the ground had suddenly swallowed him whole - although his brother was trying his best not to sound too accusating, it was more than obvious that whatever situation you were in was because of him. and only him.

« no they can’t » he tried to protest, not even believing in his own words. panic was beginning to win him over - and in a matter of seconds, he lost all his composure « WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT MOVING ? LET’S GO ! » he shouted, already opening the front door. at that moment, one question burned his lips, but he knew he would never have the guts to ask it out loud. 

‘did i kill them ?’

——

the steady beeps of all the machines around you were the only thing disrupting the deafening silence of your hospital room. you were sick of spending your days alone. but you had no right to complain, osamu had offered to come and see you after work every day, but you had politely refused. well, politely was a big word… your body was so exhausted that you had trouble articulating simple phrases, and therefore exclusively communicated through nods or hand gestures.

your phone had been confiscated and the doctors kept you away from the news - or at least from the negative news, because they knew that your heart might give out at the tiniest emotional distress.

which is why you were so surprised to hear a knock on your door at about 3pm, outside of the nurses’ shift hours. knowing that you were too weak to talk, osamu let himself in, slowly closing the door behind him before coming closer to your bed.

« how are you doing ? » he asked, resting his hands on the other end of the bed. you shrugged, pointing at the IV and all the monitoring surrounding you. as long as these machines were there, it was hard to feel better than just ok. « listen, um… someone is here for you. the doctors said i could bring him in, but i wanted your authorization first… » he started before clearing his throat. « atsumu is back. do you- are you ready to see him ? ».

ready was probably not an appropriated word. but after two months spent pretending that he was still laying next to you in bed every night, still texting you good morning every day, still sending you the dumbest memes at the most random times, it would have been a huge mistake to refuse osamu’s proposition.

and so he let him in. obviously, atsumu had orders from the doctors and his brother : don’t run, don’t move too fast, don’t speak too soon, don’t touch them without warning. but nobody had asked him not to cry. and how could his eyes stay dry when you looked so fragile and so vulnerable ?

osamu quietly left the room, leaving the two of you together not without apprehension. but if there was one thing he could trust his brother on, it was taking care of you. two months could not have gotten the better of four years of relationship.

but as much as he cared about you, atsumu had always been - and still was - pretty bad with words. and the first ones that left his mouth were a great example. « are you going to die ? » he asked in a shaky voice, brows knitted.

you would have given him an answer if you had one, but you didn’t. the doctors said that you had gone through the most painful part, but the risks of aggravations were still too important to let you go home. you were not 100% safe yet.

« i told you i’d wait » you spoke in a hoarse voice, the beep of your heart monitor getting a little bit faster.

the steps atsumu took towards you were slow, like he had been told, but just one glance at his eyes was enough to know that deep down, he was dying to feel your skin against his.

« i know you probably hate me right now. and for good reasons » he started as he sat on the chair next to your bed, still painfully avoiding any contact. « but there’s something i need to tell you, in case… in case… well, if something were to happen ».

his eyes lingered on your fingertips, blue and cold, and his whole body tensed at once. the thought that everything you were going through had been caused by his own selfishness was driving him crazy. but he had one last thing to keep himself grounded, and that thing was exactly what he was about to tell you.

« i love you. but i caused you so much trouble that i think there’s only one way to prove it… » he said, taking a deep breath before finally resting a timid hand on your arm. « i want to marry you. right now. i don’t fucking care if it’s not considered official, i just want you to know that leaving you was probably the biggest mistake i ever did. and that i’m not leaving ever again. so fuck it, let’s get married ! you almost died, life’s too short to plan a stupid ceremony ».

he stopped for a few seconds, panting from his teary monologue and paying attention to any beep or other sound that might indicate that he had made things worse for you. but it seemed like you were doing ok. how could you not be ? the love of your life had just proposed to you - sure, it wasn’t how you had imagined it, but wasn’t it even more beautiful like that ?

the tears that started rolling down your cheeks were undoubtedly tears of happiness and relief to know that, finally, your life was back to normal. atsumu was your normality, and for the first time in two months, you finally felt like you had a purpose. you had no idea if soulmates existed, but what you had with atsumu seemed more than close enough.

if someone had entered the room at that moment, it’d probably have taken them several minutes to understand what was going on. two young adults, crying yet smiling, one of them laying on a hospital bed looking like they had been through hell and back, and the other tearing off two pieces of his t-shirt and looking genuinely proud of himself -  nothing about this made sense.

« my apologies, it was the easiest way to make us rings » atsumu chuckled, eyes still blurry as grabbed your hand in his with infinite tenderness. slowly, he tied the piece of cloth around your ring finger, loosely enough so that the doctors would not consider it dangerous for your blood circulation.

« i’m keeping that until you’re getting out of here. by my side. » he affirmed, pointing at his own makeshift ring before looking right into your eyes, as serious as ever. « and i’m also keeping you. forever. consider this my wedding vows »

as much as he hated to phrase it like that, you could both die in peace now.

i spent so much time on medical sites to be as accurate as i could, i felt like meredith mf grey for a few hours

@toworuu @catwithangerissues

[fyodorsslut]

Before you go - Dabi

REQUEST : If you write for dabi, it would be highly appreciated if you could I write some angst to fluff for him and his fem s/o who starts fighting with him out of fear he’ll lose his life if he can’t stop being reckless. He starts coming home later than usual, sometimes not even at all and she feels like he’s slowly slipping away from her. She knows he’s part of the league but Dabi has made it clear he doesn’t want her getting involved out of fear she’ll become a target. I also love you so heheheh here’s my requests bc ur a real one 😎❤️

A/n :TYY!! ILY!! I hope you like it! sorry t’s late, tumblr kept on deleting it. Also they lyrics in bold are from my own song so please don’t steal them <3

Genre : Angst

Pairings : Dabi x fem!reader

Keys : y/h/c : your hair color -- y/h/l : your hair length

Play : before you go - Lewis Capaldi

word count : 1k

 A loud, desperate gasp escaped her throat, eyes gagging tears as the girl sits upright. Running hands through her y/h/c hair, she silently sobs.

 Then it hits her.

 “D-DABI?!” she turns to the side frantically, gripping the gray sheets and pulling them off the shirtless male’s body.

 “Ugh,” he groans, rolling to lay on his back.  “It’s cold~ can you please give me-” yawning, he rubs his eyelids- “back the cover?”

 Before he gets to least as grab it from her fingers, he notices the terrified look on his girlfriend’s face.

 “Babe-? Are you o-” But she cuts him off once more, wrapping two strong arms around his neck.

 Sobbing into the purple nape of his neck, y/n continuously shook her head no. Dabi was clueless of what to do to make her feel better, seeing that he was also ignorant as of what the reason she was sobbing hysterically was.

 “P-please don’t leave” she sighed, loud enough for only him to hear. Before he was able to let relief wash over him because she stopped crying, she went into another, much worse, round of sobs.

 ____________

 “Baby please don’t leave, stay by my side here”

 ___________

 “Fuck-!!” y/n threw the phone across the room harshly, the black device colliding into the white wall of the room she shares with her absent boyfriend, probably gaining a couple new cracks on its screen.  “Where is he?”

 Y/n ran her hands through her y/h/l hair once more, in desperate frustration. It’s been three days since she has last heard from her villain boyfriend, and she could only imagine all the horrible things that could have happened to him, considering the risky nature of his job.

 “I can’t live like this anymore,” she whispered to herself and to the walls if they could hear. She crawls into the bed as would a baby, remembering all the times she would crawl on top of him before he joined the league, probably ending up either sleeping on his chest or doing things Jesus wouldn’t take much pride in.

 She, scared for his life, doesn’t know if she’ll ever see him again. All she is able to do is hope so.

   __________

 “Everyday now I’ve been missing you, needing you, wanting you”

   _________

 “Where are you going?”  

 “Y-y/n,” he turns around from the open door, startled but also careful as to keep from showing how he was obviously just jump scared by his girlfriend.

 “Dabi,” She insists. “Where are you going at a time like this?”

  “I have business to attend,” He declares, clearing his throat awkwardly.

 “Business?” she echoed; voice small. She was barely in his sight range but still the pained confusion was crystal clear on whatever he could make out of her features.

 “What you heard,” Nonchalantly, he confirms.

 “Why didn’t you tell me earlier-? I could have-”

 “Because you’d make a big fuss about it,” Cutting her off, it’s his turn to take a single long stride towards her, closing the distance between them and towering above her (sorry if you’re taller than him-!) “Just like you’re doing now.”

 Y/n was much drawn aback. Make a big fuss? Since when is caring about her boyfriend considered a big fuss?

 “Dabi- let me at least come with you- please?”

 “Y/n,” He grumbles under his breath, low but the non-existing distance between them made it easy for her to hear it along with the annoyance in his voice, to see the drop in his features as he ran long fingers across a rough face of piercings and burnt skin. “We’ve been over this a long time ago-! I can’t have pu be in a place where a target is-”

  “I don’t fucking care, Dabi-! I just want to damn protect you and you know that damn well! I just want to be there for you when you need me! Because.. Because..” her voice dies down, tongue unable to form words. She was cold, not from the breeze in the air at this time of the year but from the unforgiving fear in her heart. She was sad, not because she’s once again fighting with her lover over the same topic that shouldn’t be even up for discussion, but because she knows that if this goes on, if he dies like he might do, she won’t be there for him and guilt won’t leave her until the end of her days.

 “Why?! Y/n, why do you have to be so damn stubborn! Always make it so hard on both of us?! Why do you have to insist on changing things that were set from day one?! We are fine just how we are! Why is it so fucking hard for you to understand that I can take damn well care of my-”

  “BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” She finally admits, tears streaming down her face as all the times he died in front of her in her sleep rush across her vision. He was lying, they weren’t fine. Nothing was when his life is at risk everyday of his life. She wasn’t okay with it. He wasn’t either.

 Her sudden confession sent him aback, unable to form either words or thoughts as her shout sings in his head on loop. The only thing he was able to keep steady was the crack-ful facade he always keeps on in front of everyone but her, or so he thought. It’s only now he noticed how much he wanted to stay.

 He knows he can’t, never the less.

 “Then stop loving me,” he sighed, sounding final. He would’ve said ‘I love you’ back but he knows this isn’t the time. His feelings.. This wasn’t the place to put them out, no matter how much he wanted to.

  “W-what-?” She whimpers, shakily looking up at him; face red, a miss, sad and scared and shocked and all other feelings there is to this. Tear tracks spattered across it even though she didn’t cry for long. Eyes not only shaken but so wide in shock they could be replaced by tennis balls.

 Dabi doesn’t answer, he only closes the door on his way out.

[padme-parker]

no regrets [AU!Anakin Skywalker x Reader]

Summary: You leave Anakin, only a letter in your place.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: some swear words I think, angst, mentions of cancer, some fluff if you look hard enough, this is pretty fucking cliche btw!

A/N: so I was listening to Lewis Capaldi’s discography and that shit was so sad. Like all of his songs are so fucking sad that it inspired me to write this. Mainly the songs: “Forever”, “Fade.”, “Before You Go.” and “Headspace.” (I highly suggest listening to his songs while ur reading!) along with a handful of songs I was listening to while writing this. Also this is my first time uploading my writing so forgive me if it's all over the place. I was just excited to write this lol.

The thumping of the bass made his ears ring, that’s the first thing Anakin noticed when he got home. He was totally and completely shitfaced, drunk out of his mind. The next thing he noticed was the deafening silence. Sure, it was midnight but he knew how much of a night owl you were. He also knew how much you loved to paint at night, a slight breeze from the open window, and music quietly playing in the background. Loud enough just to be heard by the two of you, quiet enough so he could hear the stroke of your brush against the canvas. Oftentimes he would come up behind you, lightly grasping your hips and began to sway along to the music. And some nights he would just sit back and watch you. However tonight wasn’t one of those nights. Tonight would be different, and the next night, and the night after that. Anakin walked towards the bedroom, careful not to wake you just in case you were asleep. When he walked into the room, his eyes immediately searched for you, but landed upon emptiness, that’s when it caught his attention. The last thing he noticed was the envelope placed upon his pillow. 

Grasping the envelope, Anakin took out its content. It was a letter, just for his eyes.

Dear Anakin,

By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. Believe me, I wish I could’ve done this in person but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. As I write this letter, you’ll be out celebrating with Obi Wan and Padme. Enjoying life, that’s what you should be doing. And I know it must be shitty to come home to this, but I just couldn’t leave while you were still here. There were so many things I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t. But you deserve to know this.

The truth is, I don’t love you anymore, Anakin. I’m not sure when I fell out of love with you, but the one thing I knew was that I couldn’t stay and drag you down with me. Sometimes I wonder how we got here, how I got us here. Then I remembered why, him. In the past six months I met someone else. At first we were just friends. But there was something between us, a connection. The second I laid eyes on him, I knew that he was the one I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Yet, there you were. Anakin, you were- and still are my world, but he’s my whole fucking universe. Without him I feel like I’d cease to exist. Each day, the more I fell in love with him, the more I fell out of love with you. Until one day, I came to my senses and realized what the hell I was doing. All those days I spent with him, coming home late at night, you never questioned me. Stars Anakin, I’m so sorry I took advantage of your trust. I never thought we’d end up like this. I never thought this would happen.

You deserve to be happy. But we both know that’s not something I can give you. You deserve to be able to move on without ever having to see me again. That’s why I’ve decided to leave. Not just move out of the apartment, or town, but move out of state altogether. Please don’t come looking for me.

I want you to know that none of this is your fault. Anakin, I love you so much, but we’re just not meant to be. You were my epic love, not my soulmate. But remember, you’re still someone who had a huge impact on my life. I don’t think I could ever forget you, nor do I think that I want to. I know that even on my deathbed, I’ll be thinking of you.

Forever Yours,

Y/N

P.S. take the time you need Anakin, but don’t get hung up on me. There are people out there who love you, you just don’t see it yet.

He let out a sharp breath, dropping the letter, and began to sob. For the next hour, all he could do was cry. He struggled to breathe, he couldn’t believe what he was reading. What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong? Was I not enough? He wanted to scream, but chose not to, sparing his neighbors from hearing his sorrows. Anakin was spiraling, he was heaving now. Struggling to breathe he crawled out of his room and into the living room. Your painting materials still left in the corner, easel propped up, and miscellaneous pieces of art scattered across his home.

Anakin couldn’t escape from you, you were unknowingly ripping the air out of his lungs. Everywhere he looked, he was reminded of you. It was ironic really, how was he supposed to move on if he had to see everything that reminded him of you.

-

A couple of years passed since you disappeared from Anakin’s life. He had moved on but deep down inside he never really did recover. He was sad at first, but then became angry. How could you use him like this? But of course, like you promised, there were people there for him. Obi Wan and Padme had always been there for him, especially Padme. She was the first one to check up on him when he wasn’t returning their calls. The first to get him to stop crying, the first to cheer him up, the first to get him to go out again, and the first person to say “I love you.” since you’d left. Anakin had felt like he was betraying you, he had fallen in love with someone who wasn’t you, but then he remembered what you did and said. He had the right to move on with someone else.

When Anakin felt like he was ready, six month after your breakup, he asked Padme to be his girlfriend. A year and a half later, he asked her to spend the rest of her life with him. Nine months later, they welcomed their twins into the world.

Both Obi Wan and Padme had been there by his side, along with Dean. He met Dean at the bar, both of them looking like shit. It started with a simple nod, then their small group of three now had four people. Dean became close to Obi Wan and Padme too, helping Anakin to return to his life before you left. It was going well until today.

Anakin moved out of his old apartment a long time ago. He donated most of your belongings and sold your paintings. Except for one. It was a painting that the two of you had created together. A minimal black outline of your silhouettes from your favorite photo together. Simple, but it had meaning to it. The picture itself was taken at a party, a drink in your hand while Anakins was thrown over your shoulder. You were smiling at the camera, drink aimed towards it. However, Anakin was looking at you, a big goofy smile on his face. If there was one memory of you he wanted to keep, it was that one. So instead of selling the painting, he kept it. Obviously he didn’t hang it up, instead he kept in it buried deep inside his closet. Only taking it out whenever he really missed you.

Even though he kept the painting, every aspect of you was completely erased. It’s like you never existed to him. Instead of lining the halls with pictures of the two of you, they were filled with pictures of Anakin and Padme. A small polaroid of them on their first date. A picture at the bar of Anakin, Padme, Obi Wan, and Dean. A bunch of wedding pictures. And finally, pictures of his family. He’d memorized every corner of his new home, never wanting to forget about it because he knew at any given moment, his life could be ripped from his fingers. Everything had been ingrained into his memory, from the toys scattered across the floor to the pristine kitchen. Where Padme was currently making dinner, “Hey Ani, you’ve got some mail, I put it on the table.” He walked towards the table and picked up the envelope, he could recognize your handwriting. Anakin felt like the world was playing a sick joke on him, after all these years, why would you write back now?

“Hey Padme, I’m gonna go change real quick.” He didn’t wait for Padme’s reply before he ran off to his closet, he knew he needed to be alone when he read its contents. Locking the door, he ripped open the envelope and took out your letter.

Anakin,

I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from, but you deserve to know the truth. The real reason as to why I left. By the time you read this, I’ll be dead. Remember how I told you that I had met someone new? That was a lie. In those six month, I was at multiple doctors' offices getting tested. I knew something was wrong with me but none of the doctors could tell me why. Until one was able to. I had stage 3 ovarian cancer, the chances of me surviving were low. That’s why I left.

Anakin’s eyes went wide, the paper shaking in his hands. “Cancer… she has..” he whispered to himself, he could feel the tears starting to roll down his face. All this time, he hated her for something she never did.

I knew how much you wanted to have a family, and it was something I wanted to give you. But when I found out that I couldn’t do that, I knew you’d be crushed. This was something we both had dreamed of. It was easier for me to make up a lie. I wouldn’t allow myself to put the both of us through this pain. You shouldn’t have to bear my burdens. I wasn’t going to let you waste your life away trying to take care of me. So I hid the truth from you and left like a coward. Understand that I needed you to hate me, Anakin. That you wouldn’t come looking for me or just expect me to come back one day. Even though I did want to come back, I had to hold myself back. I knew you were going to move on eventually.

Do you remember the guy I was talking about? The one who I was so “madly in love with” that I left you? Yeah, well his name is Dean, He’s one of the nurses who was taking care of me during those six months, and for the past couple years he’s been my eyes. Anakin, I never fell out of love with you. Even as I lay on my deathbed, you’re all I can think about.

Dean says that you’ve moved on and married Padme. I’m going to be honest, at first I was shocked and a little sad. But then I remembered why I did this in the first place. Anakin, I’ve seen the way she looks at you. Even when we were still together I could tell how much love she had for you. She didn’t act on her feelings because I was still there, which I’m grateful for. But once I left, she saw the opportunity to comfort you, so she did. You looked at me like I was your whole world, but Padme, she looks at you like your her whole damn universe. Truth is, you weren’t my world, you’re my fucking universe Anakin, even if you don’t know it. You weren’t just my epic love, to me, you were my soulmate. But you and Padme? The two of you are soulmates, made for eachother. Dean has shown me pictures of the two of you. I’ve never seen you so happy, even when we were together. I know she brings out a side of you that I was never able to.

There was a point where I was getting better and I wanted to come back. To apologize and maybe try again, but Dean advised against doing so. At that moment in time, you had just proposed to Padme. Who was I to come back into your life just to take away your happiness? So I watched from afar. I watched as you went on with your life and completely forgot about me. And I did it with a smile on my face, because you were happy. Anakin, simply knowing that you were happy and content with your life made me happy, even if I wasn’t the cause of it. For a while, I was better. Then it got worse, my cancer got more aggressive. From there, I was condemned in my own home.

As the months went on, I got more sick and closer to death. After your wedding, Dean came over to my place and showed me videos of you and Padme. I couldn’t help but let out a few tears, you were getting everything you wanted. I really wish I could’ve been there to see you, Ani, but I wouldn’t want to ruin your wedding. I was so ecstatic for you when I’d heard that you were having a child! Twins nonetheless, you must’ve been radiating joy. I really am happy for you Anakin. I only wanted the best for you.

Do you remember the night on the rooftop? You cooked dinner for us on our two year anniversary. It was the most romantic thing anyone had done for me. Do you also remember what we promised to each other? “No regrets.” As simple as it was, I broke our promise, Ani. I regret not telling you. I regret leaving you. I regret ever hurting you. Anakin, I am deeply sorry for any pain I’ve caused you. But if I hadn’t left, you wouldn’t be where you are right now. Do you regret not looking for me?

Anakin stopped reading for a second to think, did he regret how things played out? He wiped his tears before continuing,

Don’t get me wrong, I would’ve loved to stay with you, Anakin, but I couldn’t let myself. I hope the universe will continue giving you what you want, because you deserve it, Ani. You deserve to be happy.

Forever Yours,

Y/N Y/L/N

P.S. somewhere across the stars and galaxies, I’ll be watching over you. I’ll always be with you.

Anakin dropped to the floor, the letter along with him. Muffled sobs could be heard on the other side of the door, but Padme was too preoccupied to hear. Why didn’t I go after her? Why didn’t I try harder? Why didn’t I notice? He asked himself. The truth was that Anakin did regret not going after you, he regretted not trying to get closure from you. Because he knew that if he had gone after you, you would’ve told him the truth. He knew you would tell him the truth because he knew that you couldn’t look him in the eyes and lie to him. That’s why you left, only leaving a letter behind. And he knew if you told him the truth, he would have forgiven you. He would’ve spent the rest of his life, right next to you. Making sure you were alright. Anakin knew he would’ve taken you back in a heartbeat, because he still loves you. Even after you falsely broke his heart and left him, his love for you outweighed the hate he felt.

He got up somberly walking towards the hidden painting. He took it into his hands along with another object. He sat back down, now clutching the memory to his chest. His heart felt heavy, but nothing felt heavier than the small black velvet box resting upon his grasp.

“No regrets, huh?”

.

(A/N): Okay so I know that the goodbye letter is all over the place, but if I was writing a letter to someone I love, my thoughts wouldn’t be able to process properly. So forgive me if some of it seemed random, I’m still new to this stuff. I also feel like this is very cliche but when I heard Forever, my mind was immediately like “omg this song is good inspo for a sad fic.” I also feel like I should’ve added more flashbacks but I’m not sure where they would’ve been placed.... anyways I hope you enjoyed it :)

[kinktae]

The penultimate part🥺 I’m not ready to say goodbye, Bitchin!Jungkook has definitely been one of my fav characterizations of him that I’ve ever read. Thank you so much for sharing your work with all of us💖

bitchin 9 asks bc i suck

sapphireprinces5 said: bitchin’ pt9 was just so beautiful?? the way you explained the emotions and interactions between the characters was just amazing!! I felt myself hanging on every word wow excited for the end but will miss bitchin’ so much 🤧

Anonymous said: TAEHYUNG AND YARA SIGN ME UP GURL!!!!

Anonymous said: Like I just feel like if Jk really liked y/n he wouldn’t have slept with Kiri, you know? It shouldn’t matter that he didn’t know how y/n felt. And it’s obvious that he has feelings for y/n so I just hope that’s something y/n addresses when she talks to him. Don’t settle for less girl! Get you a man who will fight for you regardless 👏 (btw this is not me criticizing how you wrote it in any way! I’m just so invested in the characters and am thinking about how I would feel in this scenario :) )

Anonymous said: I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GONNA HAPPEN WITH YARA AND TAE I FELT IT SO DEEP IN MY BONES IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM 😭😭😭

Anonymous said: Hi! I just binge read bitchin in a day and can I just say that I loved it! I really love the female characters as well, you’ve written them so beautifully 🥺 if I was y/n I wouldn’t be concerned so much about Jk not sleeping with Kiri if he knew the way y/n felt, but rather the fact that if Jk didn’t want to sleep with Kiri, he wouldn’t have, regardless of y/n’s feelings or not. IMO y/n’s feelings shouldn’t be the issue here, but Jk’s should! If I was y/n’s bff that’s what I would tell her LOL

Anonymous said: OH MY GOODNESS! YES !!!! YESSSSS Y.E.S Muchas graciaaaas!!!

Anonymous said: tae and yara are my new ship)

unknowntalesx said: okay but like tae and yara thooO they got me all smiley being like oh yeah bayyybeEE das what im talking about 😏 ALSO OKAY NOW THAT I AM MORE LUCID KIRI GOT FUCKING WRECKED I LOVED THAT SHE GOT A DOSE OF HER OWN MANIPULATIVE MEDICINE I AM 😤😤😤😤😤

Anonymous said: im not ready for bitchin to end )):

Anonymous said: I SCREAMED WHEN Y/N TOLD KIRI THE TRUTH. YES QUEEN. STAB AND TWIST THE KNIFE!

Anonymous said: ROSE AHHSHSJSKSD FUCK U I’m all hot and bothered with anticipation for pt 10 now 😩😩😩🥵

sydney--chan said: We really stan y/n for using her big ol brain to rock kiris world oh my god I yelled also I say what's your damage all the time bring that shit back

Anonymous said: a tae x yara spin off series or one shot...... haha jk..... unless..... 👀

Anonymous said: Fuck kiri's scheming ass. I'm glad YN ripped her a new one

Anonymous said: AAHHHHHH once again, I love this chapter so much!!!! I was screaming at Yara and Tae part. Seriously!!!! I am SURE she felt that spark when he kissed her. Is she going to be the one falling for the guy while he wants something casual now? Or maybe Tae will fall for her as well? Ahhhh so cute! I feel like that would be a nice spin off yk (no pressure, I swear). And Erik, woah I didn't expect him to be like that. To be so nice and wise. Great character development indeed! It was really nice (1/2)

Anonymous said: To see their interaction and the way he opened her eyes (for some reason I couldn't help but picture him as Namjoon). Ohhh the Kiri part tho!!!! I felt really petty but in the best way lol. Anywaysss I am really excited for the last chapter (really sad too) and I am sure it is going to be the best because you are a genius! Thank you for sharing another amazing chapter with us! ♥♥♥ (2/2)

Anonymous said: OKAY I absolutely adored Bitchin part 9 😻 I always thought that it was also OC fault for what happened between her and jk, he obviously was the main jerk but she never actually admitted her feelings to him and he doesn't read minds so??¿¿? Really loved that she came to understand it. And I was rooting SO MUCH for yara and tae MAN I AM CRYING THEY DESERVE IT 🙌🏻

Anonymous said: you came through with the tae x yara content we all needed omg thank you!! if anyone’s gonna make yara fall in love it’s tae lol

Anonymous said: I honestly lowkey hate bitchin’ jungkook right now. I thought I’d get over it but I just can’t imagine how hurt and disgusted Y/N was when she found out that jk and kiri were together just hours before they were like ugh. It doesn’t help that I’m also really interested in Erik’s character development now so it would’ve been really interesting to see how he’d fit in Y/N’s life. 🥺

Anonymous said: jungkook and y/n wANT what yara and tae have

Anonymous said: TAEYARA YES FINALLY OUR WISHES HAVE BEEN ANSWERED 😍😍

Anonymous said: just want to let you know you’re an absolute angel and all you create is nothing short of perfection. *sends you all of the love*

spring2787 said: I jus came from a 4 hour long class and it's finally here... Thank you so much dear 🎂 💜

Anonymous said: Is yara me ? Like when she said that boy act like they understand the no string involved but then fall in love , dude I felt that , that's literally the story of my life lmaoooo Like the number of time a dude told me yeah I'm okay with that and then acted shocked when I told him I didn't feel anything for him is impressive lmaoo Anyway I'm so eager for the last chapter!!!! you did an amazing job!!

kuhweenbri said: The way I already finished but anyways girl I absolutely loved this part and now I’m excited for the next part 😭😭 will we be seeing more of T-ara??

Anonymous said: OMG YARA AND TAEEEEEEEEE. NOW I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEANT BY FANSERVICE. JSJSJSJJSBXBSBSB But on a serious note, this fic just keeps on getting better. The fact that there's only one chapter left still hasn't come home to me 😭 but thank you so much for blessing us with this!💜💜

Anonymous said: YO! bitchin is flippin brilliant! you have done so well! jungkook broke my heart in part 9! im emotional but also so ready for part 10! please take your time. have a lovely day

Anonymous said: i don’t normally talk to writers on here but bitchin is really bitchin, i haven’t read a fanfic in so long that makes me excited to read the next part and maybe it’s because i’m so used to all of the aus being recycled but bitchin is truly a breathe of fresh air to me for some reason, maybe because you fleshed out the right hand mans for both characters idk or the it being a different time period, but i just wanted to say you are smashing bitchin dude and i love it!!

shy-kpop-girl said: BITCHIN': I just caught up on 8 & 9. Shocked & angry at JK. Because regardless of whether he knew y/n' feelings it was a dick move to sleep with Kiri one night and y/n the next morning. And it wasn't like he came over to talk/tell y/n about Kiri & things escalated because he went right at it as soon as she let him in. Even tho it was hot. 😳 But Erik. I wanted to hate him but dude surprised me with his reasoning. I loved that dialogue! Once again your writing is amazing & I love this story!

Anonymous said: Bitchin is the best fanfic on tumblr. And no one can change my mind. You’re doing amazing!! Much love xoxo

Anonymous said: “Think of life as one big puzzle and everyone you meet is shaped differently, right? Yet somehow… they fit. We find those that complete us. And they’re not necessarily opposites but—“ MAAM that part hit SOOO different omg your brain!?! Outta this world! Like this is whole ass literature!!!! I stg Bitchin’ is the best thing on this app and I meant that w my whole chest.

Anonymous said: I'm not ready for Bitchin to end. It's soooooo good 😍😍😍

kmultifandom said: Since there's a cast for bitchin I wanna audition for y/n because i wanna be a biologist and I have some similar personality traits *mic drop* Also great work, I seriously love it. No other fan fiction I have read was so close to my actual self and that impresses me even more and make it like it 10 times more djksksks

Anonymous said: how will I live when bitchin ends agghhh I haven’t even read 8-9 cause I’m waiting for the happy ending before I’m heartbroken and left waiting for the last part

Anonymous said: you know what would be super fun and crazy 😛😛🙈🙈 if you dropped bitchin’ pt 10 right now 😳😳 haha just kidding .... unless 😏😏

Anonymous said: lets gooooo!!!!!!!!!!! bitchin pt 10 better haunt me for the rest of the year

Anonymous said: I feel like I’m going to get so emotional once Bitchin’ part 10 is released. It’s like I’m sending off my non-existing kids to university because I won’t be able to see Bitchin!Jungkook anymore 🥺

Anonymous said: I can’t believe Bitchin’ is for real ending 😩 it’s soo gud 

Anonymous said: Can’t wait till bitchin PART 10 Probably gonna fall asleep before u post but I’ll try to stay up for it 🥺

Anonymous said: i love your writing honestly and i just really want you to be happy. your writing is immaculate and i really want you to know that you are talented and skilled so yeah. sorry if this is out of nowhere but i just really want to show appreciation to writers because they don't get enough and you are definitely my favorite writer:)) hope you have a good day!!

Anonymous said: okay but if Bitchin' goes on for 50 chapters that would be good too.. just sayin'.

tpo-quinn said: Bruh, I can already feel that I'm gonna cry from the last chapter of bitchin'...I CAN'T WAIT!

leojjeon said: so i've re-read bitchin ready for chapter 10 an I am feeling all sorts of emotions. it's fair to say it's my favourite series I've read!

Anonymous said: y did i forget bitchin would have an end like 😳😐we’ve been on this bitchin journey w u for so long i’m sad it’s over

Anonymous said: What what what?? Bitchin is ending??!!! Didnt it just fucking start like all the drama and tae&yara!!!! Omg girl!!!

Anonymous said: ur the absolute fucking GODDESS of writing angst, ive never ever waited for a ff to be updated before as if it was a new episode of my fav show coming out. thank u for writing and be so active, muah ur amazing

Anonymous said: a moment of silence for our loved bitchin who will die soon 😔 gone but not forgotten, she will always be in our hearts. all the best rides come to an end 😭

[ayellowcurtain]

ur most recent elu fic!!! im so sad!!! it was so amazing!!! please do a part two!!!

Can you please write hurt Lucas and protective/worried Eliott?

How about doing another one for Runnin’ Home To You?

Part 1

———————————————————

Can’t say how the days will unfold, Can’t change what the future may hold

Eliott still doesn’t know what happened between Charles and Lucas for his boyfriend to end up with what it seems to be a broken nose. 

But Eliott knows Lucas. He’s feisty and reckless and if he thinks he’s right, it doesn’t matter if you’re twice his size, he’ll fight you like he’s sure you’ll lose. That’s probably how he gets himself in this type of situation. 

Mika and Lisa stayed at home because they were too much and there was only one car. Manon is quiet in the front seat, but she looks worried. Imane is with them at the backseat, looking at Lucas from the corner of her eyes, it feels like she’s ashamed, not able to look at Lucas directly. 

And Lucas is very, very quiet, only complaining when the frozen vegetable starts to melt in his hand and his nose probably starts hurting again. 

Eliott kisses his temple, telling him that they’re almost at the hospital. 

This world can race by far too fast Hard to see while it’s all flying past But, it’s clear now, When you’re standing here now I am meant to be wherever you are next to me

They’re still mad at each other. If it wasn’t for it, Lucas would probably be crying, talking nonstop about whatever happened with Charles. But he’s not thinking about that. 

Oh, you gave me no other choice But to love you

Like Eliott, he’s probably still thinking about their fight. How Lucas is thinking that Eliott’s ex is back in their lives, in Eliott’s life specifically. And she’s important or her existence wouldn’t be a big secret that Eliott can’t talk about. Lucas is only letting Eliott cuddle with him, kiss his head and run his fingers through his hair because he is in pain and scared. 

Right from the start That you would be Be my light in the dark

When they finally get to the hospital, a nurse rushes to check on Lucas when she notices his hand stained with blood just like his white t-shirt. But when she’s able to look at the cut, she relaxes a little, taking him in but not letting anyone else inside. 

So they have to wait in the little waiting room. 

“What happened?” Eliott asks as soon as he’s back from the bathroom, still cleaning his hands from Lucas’ blood. Manon looks at him and then to Imane.

“Lucas finally admitted that it was him who sent Charles the email.”

“What? It wasn’t him!” Eliott frowns, looking from Manon to Imane. They didn’t talk about it, but Eliott is sure Lucas would never send the guy an email. 

“I…I’m sure Lucas wouldn’t do that.” Eliott answers when Imane seems to be speechless. 

“He admitted, Eliott!” Manon looks at him, almost crying. 

“Charles was right in front of him and I’m sure you were accusing him as well. Maybe he just admitted so you two could leave him alone.” 

“Stop it, Eliott.” Imane says before Manon can give him some unnecessary comment. 

He takes a deep breath. He doesn’t feel like he’s wrong, but he can’t lash out at others like that. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” He looks at Manon and she just nods. 

“Can we talk, Manon? Outside…It will take some time with Lucas.” 

“Sure.” Manon gets her purse, leaving Eliott alone at the waiting room. 

He finally lets himself rest for a second, leaning against the chair. There’s no escaping now. The next time he sees Lucas they’ll have to talk and he’ll have to explain. 

I know Idriss. He was my best friend like Yann is yours, I was trying to figure myself out, he was also having a rough time. I got drunk, made out with him, but it only lasted a second. It didn’t mean anything, I was just confused, but he was never my boyfriend, so he’s not my ex. I just didn’t tell you because I know how you see yourself and how you doubt that people like you and I could end up together…

Eliott sits up again, hiding his face in his hands. Even when he’s alone with his thoughts he stutters. 

The nurse is back with his boyfriend and Eliott gets up, looking around. The girls are still outside. 

“His nose is not broken. We cleaned everything, the doctor prescribed a pain killer and he needs to change the bandage at least once a day.” 

Eliott is not really listening, holding Lucas’ face like it’s the most delicate thing he ever touched. He puts both thumbs on the sides of Lucas’ nose, pressing just a little and his boyfriend whines, carefully taking Eliott’s fingers away from his nose. 

“Stop!…”

“I was just testing you. So I can take him home?” The nurse nods, giving him the prescription to Lucas’ medication and leaving them to see someone else. 

And all my life I promise to Keep running home to you

“You’re going back to the flat?”

“I need to go home.”

“Why?”

“Just because. We can meet tomorrow to talk if you want…” 

“We could talk today.” Lucas quietly takes Eliott’s hands off of his face, but they’re still standing very close to each other. 

“You need some rest. But I’ll pick you up tomorrow, ok?” He tries to smile but he’s not sure if it’s convincing enough. But Lucas nods, looking away. “Lucas, I’ll be there tomorrow, I promise. And why…why did you lie to Manon?” His boyfriend frowns, looking at him again.

“Lied about what?”

“The email. I know it wasn’t you.” 

“Someone sent it. It didn’t matter at the moment. She needed someone to blame, I took the blame. If that was the excuse that Manon was using to still talk to him, I fixed it, now Manon can fucking send Charles back to London or whatever.” 

Eliott looks at him, can’t believe Lucas took the blame just to save Manon the time to use it as an excuse to have her stupid ex around again. 

“You shouldn’t have done it.” 

“It’s done now, so…Where are they?“

“Outside. Come, I’ll take you home.” 

Can’t say how the days will unfold Can’t change what the future may hold But, I want you in it Every hour, every minute

[mooosicaldreamz]

please do a song by song review of lover i beg u

oh......u didn’t have to beg!!!! i’ll give it to you 4 FREE.

I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED: what i enjoy about this song is that it is fun and not especially mean, just like, shrug emoji. i think sometimes when ur in a relationship that is not especially amazing and you reach the point where you forget that you dated someone is the funniest thing and its such a strange moment. it’s a good tonesetter for the album, bc its so fun and chill and like, whatever. it has the same energy that i think we are never getting back together wanted to have. i LOVE the “i just forget what they were” breakdown. what a fun, bouncy song. easy listening to start the album. calvin harris rip.

CRUEL SUMMER: i love jack antanoff vERY much and have liked his work with fun. and as bleachers, and i think his production on lorde and taylor’s albums has been so wonderful. this song just reeks of him and it’s so like, ascendent, how it builds up and up into the chorus. i think it’s interesting that she reaches so high on the chorus. “summer’s a knife/i’m always waiting for you to cut to the bone/devils roll the dice/angels roll their eyes.” the breakdown is once again wonderful abt crying in the back of the cab on the way back from the bar - i feel like this album and its concept brings a much more natural version of taylor that i think has largely (and perhaps rightfully, considering the evolution of her fame and craft) been in hiding since probably red but maybe even since speak now. “I LOVE YOU AIN’T THAT THE WORST THING YOU EVER HEARD // HE LOOKS SO PRETTY LIKE A DEVIL” while she’s screaming it is more exuberant than ANYTHING on 1989 or rep (and i love both of those albums). 

LOVER: i love how sleepy soft this song is, i love how simple it is, and it’s made me cry like, six times. the wedding band sound is just, so fun and beautiful. it really makes me feel like i’m drunk, happy, and dancing really slow on an emptying dancefloor. i’m going to assume that was the vibe. it’s so soft. god it feels like a cloud. i enjoy how simple the lyrics are in this song, and how the words get to breathe and simmer. they take on a lot of meaning bc of how much space they’re given by the echo and by pacing. it’s so nice. i’ve gone back and forth on whether i like the wedding vows thing, but i think it might be nice. i love “swear to be overdramatic AND TRUE! to my lover”

THE MAN: the bumpy sound of the bass beat is really fun, and i think the song is a good bop, but it doesn’t say anything i don’t already know - but i think taylor bringing up the back end on the Woke train, trying to reach all those people who still aren’t totally sure about the gays or feminism but also think trump is terrible and are now reconsidering their life choices is a fine enough goal for her social justice initiatives. also i just realized she says “getting bitches and models” which she already does, you don’t have to pretend taylor

THE ARCHER: this song is sonic perfection the rolling synths the dreamy voice, the awful awful breakdown at the end of “they see right thru me / can you see right thru me / i see right thru me” “help me hold onto you” i just ... can’t handle this song. it’s perfect. i like the implication throughout this album that taylor is in Love, the big real kind, and i support her and joe bc i think it’s obvious their relationship has totally like, taken her to a new and good emotional space. anyway i like the implication that taylor fell in real, big Love and realized that love is still a fucking mess, like it doesn’t solve all the problems. “ALL OF MY HEROES DIE ALL ALONE” i mean come on. i hate her

I THINK HE KNOWS: this song is a bop “i think he knows his hands around a cold glass make me wanna know that body like it’s mine” is a stn move. the rumbly noise in the chorus and the synthy breakdown is a beast, it owns itself. there’s a real comfortable self-confidence that i, once again, maintain has been missing from taylor’s music up until now. also that moaning noise distracts me every time. “hand on my thigh/we can follow the sparks/i’ll drive” tAYLOR! inappropriate. i’ve seen some takes on this song that it’s not a fave, but it’s a fun song and people are wrong. there’s not one song on this album that i’m like this is bad in the way that i DO NOT like some songs on rep

MISS AMERICANA AND THE HEARTBREAK PRINCE: the first thing i thought when i heard this song is that it sounds like lana del rey. give it a re-listen, it does. sounds just like idk, “high by the beach” but it also rings a bell for me of electra heart era marina and the diamonds (like “teen idle”). i like this song a lot, even though it’s relatively oblique in my opinion on what it’s.....actually about. “you play stupid games / you win stupid prizes” is a great lyric in masterful taylor swift fashion bc it looks stupid when u write it on paper. i like the shouting breakdown thing that happens on the back end of the song with go/fight/win (OH I JUST GOT that, it’s like cheerleaders shouting). i’m a fan of it, but it’s an oddball on the tracklist.

PAPER RINGS: this song rings with a lot of red’s chaotic energies but with the adult sensibilities that she’s rolling with on this album. i love the sort of down-home shouty stuff happening on the verses, and the “kiss me once / kiss me twice / three times” bridge. it’s a good one. “i hate accidents/except when we went from friends to this” is a fun and good lyric. i LOVE the key change i LOVE the “wrap your arms around me baby boy” for some reason very much. 

CORNELIA STREET: i mean obviously this song is wonderful. i’ve seen much Discourse about this song being related to Kaylor which seems plausible. it’s clear that taylor wrote some of these songs in the present tense when they’re in the past, which i think is really interesting. i LOVE “jacket ‘round my shoulder is yours” what a good inversion of the phrase. i love the way that the phrase cornelia street breaks up the lines in a really weird way, because of how its syllables run. it’s a good song. it’s a soft boi

DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS: early frontrunner for my fave song!!!!! love the opening repeating noise, and the simple guitar plucks initially. taylor’s voice takes up front and center bc it isn’t especially altered/layered/echoed like it is in some other spots on the album. it has an amazing rolling pace on its verses that’s followed by the slower pace on the chorus. “i ask the traffic lights if it’ll be okay and they say i don’t know” i am certain that this song is about karlie kloss and i will not accept any other possibilities i know she said it was about a movie but i don’t care. “my hips my heart my body my love / tryna find a part of me you didn’t touch” wow taylor god what a gifted lyricist i hate her

LONDON BOY: this song is fun. “i saw the dimples first / then i heard the accent” i love the rising effect on “walking on the afternoon” resetting with the horns. it’s just a song that makes you bob your head. she does sound like she’s throwing out as many english references as she possibly can which is amusing and i don’t know what the legs are on this song bc of that - it could come across as somewhat kitschy. but! also i’d like to start some discourse bc i think it’s CLEAR that taylor isn’t afraid of using pronouns or even very direct references to who she’s with (this song is basically an I LOVE JOE ALWYN shirt), and it makes it even more clear when she’s avoiding using pronouns or direct description. the two songs before this don’t do that in the same way that this song does. 1989 barely uses pronouns at all. i’m just saying. taylor is bi is what i’m saying.

SOON YOU’LL GET BETTER: obviously this song is sad and it makes me cry i have no further commentary except that it’s a wonderful, simple song that has an excessively odd placement on this album following after london boy

FALSE GOD: this song is sexy! and interesting. the horns come back again, which is good and her voice is lower. honestly the line “the altar is my hips” is just..........a lot for me to compute. “i’m golden when you touch me / hell is when i fight with you” the bridges are really fun, sexy, soft. this song is like when lover ends and a song with a little more of a sultry feel comes on but ur still drunk so its a little sloppy.

YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN: obviously this song ruined my life. it sent me to the heights of elation and then i sort of had a hangover on it but i’m back around on it guys! it’s a fun, fun, summery song. that chorus with the oh-oh is just .... pop perfection. the bumpy synth noise that goes ba-duh-duh-duh like it’s reverberating is absolutely perfect for the pacing of the song. it’s excessively well-crafted to the point of slickness. it should have been the lead single but what do i know about anything

AFTERGLOW: i know that i wasn’t supposed to be into i pinned your hands behind your back but i was so. this is a continuation of the theme of like, i’m in love but i’m still a mess!!! sorry :) i like this song but it does not inspire me. 

ME!: i don’t know why the exclamation point is there and it sounds much more like a brendon urie song than a taylor song, but it’s fun! i don’t hate it! i can see why it was picked as a lead single - to really illustrate the tonal change from rep to here, but still. spelling is fun, tho.

IT’S NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND: this song is simple and so, so so sweet. i love the childhood friends to lovers narrative, and i just. like it. so much. it’s so sweet. and then obviously the horns come back for this one, but don’t overwhelm. this song is a good palette cleanser after the bombast of me!

DAYLIGHT: i tweeted about this but this song reminds me of clean and long live (particularly long live, it for some reason really sounds like that in my head). but i like that it really relates a feeling that i feel sometimes of like, my life was a mess and sometimes still is a mess but bc i’m in a stable and good relationship, things feel approachable, like, if everything goes wrong again, i’ll at least know for sure i have this, and i think this song sort of shows that off with the  “I don’t want to think about anything else.” it’s nice. it’s calm. i read an oral history today about the kanye storming the stage moment at the vma’s because it’s been 10 years since it happened - and i feel like this album and this song, in many ways, are a plateau on the meteoric catapult of taylor’s relationship with fame that really had started to run before that moment but certainly started rolling after that. i think this song is a demonstration of the growth that she’s gone through over the last ten years that we’ve all watched with such close attention. it makes me feel happy for her. i hope she gets to keep this the way it is. i’ve read that she thought for the longest time that this album would be called daylight and i’m honestly? not sure it shouldn’t be. but the vocal note at the end sort of draws it back thru.

it’s a good album. i think the back half of it doesn’t hang as tough all the way thru as the first half, but overall, i think it’s overall quality is better than reputation even though i think reputation, as a concept album, works very well. it’s a great evolution and a real, authentic thing. very impressive that she’s managed to produce four very different albums successively where as many artists don’t change that much from album to album. but i think that’s evidence of the work that’s gone into them, to be honest. death by a thousand cuts is my early fave. 

[bruciewayne]

coming home

Steve suprises his boyfriend by coming home early from his deployment, purely tooth-rotting fluff, 1.6k

read on ao3 (heavily recommended if ur on mobile lol)

Tony, not for the first time in his life, and certainly not the last, curses the U.S Army. His boyfriend of four years was meant to be coming home, permanently, next month, but, the wonderful, fantastic, abso-fucking-lutely spectacular army had sent him on a seven-week black spec-ops mission. Which meant that what Steve was going to do was incredibly dangerous and probably so secretive that if it failed (which it won’t, because it’s Steve) they would deny it ever existed and that he wasn’t allowed any outside communication.

“Sweetheart, I’ll be home before you know it,” Steve says, crackly over the phone, because no-one had a webcam in the base he was in now, meaning, that if when he comes home, it’ll be eight weeks, two whole months, since Tony’s seen him in real-time.

“Yeah, well,” Tony mumbles, fiddling with Steve’s hoodie strings, “that’s what you said when you got deployed.”

“What, the fuck, is this?” Tony growls, slamming a letter, from the US Army, into Steve’s chest. Steve steps back and lets the letter fall into his hands, he scans it.

“Tony…” Steve starts, reaching out tentatively to touch him but Tony moves back slightly, “I had to.”

“No you didn’t, Steve, it-- college right? That’s, that’s why you’re going to fight innocent people for this ass-backwards country. You know you’re dating a billionaire right?” Tony says hurt flashing in his eyes.

“I, Tony, you can’t blame me for this, I was seventeen and poor, the Army, that they would pay for college, it was a blessing.”

“Steve, why didn’t you say something, I could have--”

“Could have what, Tony?” Steve presses.

Tony looks to the floor, lost for words, “I, I don’t know, but,” he takes a deep breath, and Steve feels a cold sort of dread in the pit of his stomach, “I, we, just, sleep on the couch, tonight, Steve, I can’t.”

Steve nods hesitantly, “Yeah, yeah, okay. Can, can I hug you?”

Tony steps forwards and wraps his arms tight around Steve’s middle, holding on tighter when he practically melts into him, “Are we ok?” Steve asks tentatively.

“I don’t know.”

Later, after Steve’s read the letter so many times he could repeat it verbatim, when he’s lying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, nearing four am, Tony comes in, and Steve immediately slips his eyes shut and deepens his breathing.

“Hey, Steve, you still awake,” Tony whispers, shaking his shoulder a little. Steve opens his eyes and sits up, “Yeah, honey, you okay?”

Tony launches himself into Steve’s arms and holds tightly, relishing in the way his thick arms wrapped around him and cards a hand through his hair, “Darling, what’s wrong?” Steve asks quietly, running a hand up and down his back.

“Steve,” Tony says in a broken whisper, “I don’t want you to die.”

Steve pulls away a little to look Tony in the eye, “I won’t, Tony, sweetheart, I promise you--”

“Don’t Steve, please, don’t, don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Tony says, blinking back tears.

“I promise you, Tony Stark,” Steve says, cupping his cheek, I will do anything and everything in my power to come back home to you, alive.”

Steve kisses him softly and tenderly, “It’ll be over before you know it, I’m coming home, whatever it takes.”

“It’s not that long anymore, home stretch darling, God willing, I’m coming home,” Steve says, their ‘one-minute warning’ click going off half-way through his sentence. Tony sighs, two years and he never got used to one hour going by faster than light, “Stay safe, baby, I love you,” he says.

“I always do, honey, I love you too.”

The line terminates and Tony’s left wrapped in a hoodie that barely even smells of Steve anymore, staring at his desktop background - a picture of him and Steve on their first anniversary at Coney Island, Steve’s grinning to the camera, bright enough to power the entire universe, and Tony remembers turning his head at the last moment to kiss his cheek.

Dum-e comes over and tries to comfort him with his claw - almost definitely JARVIS’ work, but he appreciated it.

“Sir,” JARVIS says, soft, cutting through Tony’s morose thoughts, “I recommend you go to bed.” Tony honestly can’t tell how long he’s been there, in his workshop, for, but God, his life must be sad if his own AI was judging him for moping after his deployed military boyfriend.

“Yeah, well,” Tony grumbles childishly, eyes fixated on the screen, “you can shove your recommendation in an if statement.” It’s not his best comeback, not by a long shot, but he’s tired and sad damnit.

“Sir,” JARVIS says again, and if Tony didn’t know any better he was being disapproving, Tony was absolutely positive that he hadn’t coded that into him. Huh.

“Go to your room, or I will be forced to shut down your screens, Sir.” Tony glares up at the ceiling - a habit he picked up from Steve - and heaves himself out of his chair, “You know that I made you, I’m the father here,” he mumbles under his breath, as he gets into the elevator, automatically taking him up to his and Steve’s floor, he’s pretty sure that, whilst most of the world would be absolutely fucked if AIs tried to take over, he’d be fairly well off if all JARVIS is trying to control is his health.

He pushes the door to his room open, he couldn’t be bothered to change out of his workshop clothes to sleep, yeah they were greasy and sweaty, but it’s not like he’s got anyone to impress, right?

Wrong.

“Surprise.”

“Steve?”

Tony’s speechless, because that can’t be Steve Rogers, his boyfriend of four years, who isn’t meant to be home for another two months, on one knee, holding a ring, in their bedroom.

“Yeah, baby,” Steve says, eyes shining, hands steady holding the ring.

Tony brings up a hand to his mouth, shaking, “Steve,” he chokes out again and Steve gets up, off the floor and curls his arm around Tony’s waist.

“Tony, you-- there’s no else I want to come home to, for as long as I live, I want to spend the rest of it with you, it’s always been you. Marry me?”

“God, you’re an asshole,” Tony whispers, a grin threatening to take over his face as he throws himself into Steve’s arms and burrows his face in his neck, breathing in deeply, “yes, yes, I love you, yes,” he mutters.

Steve hold him even tighter and presses a kiss to the top of his head.

After a long moment, they pull away, only to kiss, gently and tenderly, full of love and affection. When they pull away again, they keep their foreheads touching, faces barely millimetres apart.

Steve reaches for Tony’s left hand, lifts it up and smoothly slides the ring on. He presses a kiss to his knuckles, keeping eye contact with him and smiling slightly. Tony slips his hand up to cup Steve's cheek and runs his thumb over his cheekbone, lingering over the trace of a bruise.

“Hey, hey, baby, I’m home forever now, no more getting hurt, I promise,” Steve says softly, reassuringly, turning his head and pressing a kiss to his palm.

“Yeah,” Tony murmurs, smiling as he leans up on his tiptoes and kisses Steve, “yeah.”

“I love you, darling, so much,” Steve says, kissing Tony again, longer, deeper and hotter.

Tony sighs into the kiss and jumps into his arms, wrapping his legs around his waist and his arms around his neck, “God, I missed you,” he says, rocking his hips down. Steve supports him by holding his thighs, his fingers sinking in and biceps bunching up, he walks forwards so that Tony’s pressed up against a wall.

He breaks away from the kiss only to lick and kiss down Tony’s neck, he latches onto the sensitive spot just under his ear and bites gently, grinning a little when he hears Tony gasp and rock down again, feeling his cock harden.

Steve shifts him into one of his arms and Tony unashamedly moans at his show of strength and ducks his head down to press a series of kisses along his collar bone. Steve uses his free hand to undo both of their zippers and tug their hard, red cocks out and curls his hand around them.

Tony groans into Steve’s skin at the feeling of his long, warm fingers around him, “Baby, honey, I’m not gonna last,” he gasps as Steve does something sinful with his thumb that makes stars and fireworks explode behind his eyelids.

“Yeah, neither,” Steve pants, dropping his head into the crook of Tony’s neck, speeding up his hand. He presses a small, sweet kiss to the hollow of his collarbone, before murmuring, “I love you, honey, god, I love you and I missed you so, so much, baby.”

Tony’s reduced to a babble of ‘Steve’ and moans, and he feels, somewhere, that he should be slightly ashamed that it’s taken so little time for him to become like this, wanting and wanton, however, it’s been so, so long and he’s completely surrounded by Steve, by his body, arms, hands and smell, and he’s not going anywhere anymore, and they’re getting married, God he was so, so deeply in love with him.

“Come for me baby,” Steve says, through a moan, kissing Tony and biting down on his lip, twisting his hand on the upstroke, as Tony comes and he follows seconds after, endorphins and pure love rushing through him as he holds onto Tony.

Steve carries him to their bed and gently lowers him down. He lays down next to him and presses a kiss to his hair when Tony curls closer to him. “I love you, baby,” he whispers.

“I love you too, welcome home,” Tony says, tiredly, leaning closer to him and he rests his head in his chest, letting his steady, beautiful heartbeat lull him into a deep, dreamless sleep.

tysm for reading!! tell me what you thought!

all fic masterpost

[phan-of-the-pen]

I Dare You To Stay: Chapter 14

Hey!! I’m back once again with a new chapter!! Sorry this took so long you guys, I’ve been super busy with normal life, trying to write new updates for this fic, and trying to write my three PBB fics! Anyways, I hope you enjoy and thank you for sticking around! @billetdouxblossom

Tags for chapter: fluff, minor angst, major BFF bonding omg

Words for chapter: ~2.7

Fic Summary: Dan Howell is a barista working a shitty job, frequenting his shitty apartment, and living a shitty existence, hiding his asexuality and going for a PHD in self-depreciation and depression. Phil Lester is a part-time intern, part-time employee at a local weather station, trying to get experience in his field and make a name for himself, while juggling a second job at the nearby Tesco’s to give him some financial breathing room. Their paths were never supposed to meet, but what happens when they do anyways, one rainy day in Manchester?

(ao3!)

<– Previous chapter Next chapter -->

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Dan curled himself up in a blanket on his couch, phone in hand.

He hadn't heard from Jaime at all today minus her early morning texts, but knowing her, she'd still burst into Dan's flat in a whirlwind after her audition for one of her and Dan's infamous Best Friends Only Nights.

No significant others, no texting other people, no social media, just the two of them, ice cream, pizza, every blanket and pillow they can find, and sad romcoms playing in the background as they talk and cry and laugh.

And as far as preparation, Dan had already ordered the pizza, there was plenty of ice cream in his freezer, and at least half a dozen blankets were swallowing the sofa.

All he was missing was his best friend.

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

so youre telling me I wont get you at ALL tonight?

>> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

yep. a Best Friends Only Night was called and rules state no s.o. just us bffs

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

>:(

>> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

srry mate but youll survive i promise

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

I might just die you dont know

>> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

wow i didnt know i picked up such a needy boyfriend

Dan grinned. He may have sounded exasperated in his text, but really, Phil whining about not having Dan for a single night was making his mood soar.

It felt good to be wanted by someone other than just Jaime.

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

ddddaaaaaannnnnnn

>> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

pppphhhhiiiilllllll

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

fine but I get you tomorrow so I can catch up on my very important dan time

>> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

u can get ur dan time and i can get my phil time it sounds like a plan

Dan clicked off his phone when he heard his door fly open. There's Jaime, late as usual.

"Daniel Howell, where the fuck are you!"

"On the sofa already starting this Best Friends Night without you!" Dan laughed in response. She sounded breathless but happy, which was making Dan's hopes for her soar. She had to have gotten that role.

Jaime was there in a moment, landing on him in a heap and talking a mile a minute, too fast for Dan to catch everything, but managing to grasp a few words here or there. Still not enough to piece together a proper story about her day, though.

"Jaime," Dan said quickly when she stopped to breathe, "I need you to slow down—you're talking way too fast for me to understand you dork. Did you get the part? Or do I need to kick a judge's ass?"

She looked at Dan with wide eyes and smiled, wide enough to cover her whole face.

"I got it. I got the part." She said in a whisper, like she couldn't believe the words.

Dan felt his jaw drop in one moment and the next snap right back up so he could cheer as he tackled her in a hug, his much larger body easily covering hers.

"I knew it! I knew it, Jaime! God! This is the break you were waiting for and you're gonna be a star now and oh my gosh when are the tickets going out I'm going to buy five and-"

"Dan!" She said, laughing. "Now you're the one rambling!"

Dan clamped his jaw shut to stop himself, feeling his eyes crinkle and smile go wide.

"I'm just way too happy for you, Jaime. You've got to tell me everything."

They ended back up on the couch, huddled together under the blanket Dan had previously been under alone. Jaime relayed everything to him, from the sudden call-back to her trip there. She talked about how huge the theatre was and how Dan would absolutely love it. Jaime talked about the director and the cast so far, and how there was this really cute girl that was a part of the stage crew, and Dan just soaked it all up, getting caught in the glamour.

Jaime reached for another slice of the pizza that had arrived half-way through her explaining that the theatre had three gigantic chandeliers.

"All of the main parts have been casted already, but now they're moving on to the 'second wave' so to speak, and auditions are opening back up in a few days so..." Jaime trailed off, looking hopeful.

Dan snorted.

"Jaime, I know you're excited but you can't have two parts."

"Sciocco, I mean for you to try for a part! Not me!"

"Jaime, I haven't acted in anything in over a year-"

"Dan-"

"-and besides I won't get it."

"You don't know that! I thought I wasn't even going to get a call-back and look where we are right now! I'm the face of this musical!"

"Yeah, well I'm sure that all of the people that didn't get a main character like you are going to try out for the smaller ones and there's no doubt that they're better than me."

"Dan, you're an insane actor—there's no way that you couldn't get even the smallest part! And besides, do you really want to be a barista for the rest of your life? Acting is your dream, Dan. These directors are picking new talent that hasn't been seen on a big stage before left and right. There's more of a chance that you could get this than you think."

"Jaime," Dan sighed, "we both know that I can't afford to miss work as much as I'm going to need to for practice. And on top of that, I won't be able to pay for the tickets I'm going to need to get to London and back so many times. If it was here in Manchester, maybe I'd entertain the  idea, but I just can't. I'd be out of my flat in a month from not being able to afford rent once practice rolls around."

Jaime groaned.

"Dan-"

"No, Jaime, I'll sit this one out."

She muttered something under her breath that Dan just didn't quite get before nodding a disgruntled 'fine' and pouting. After another piece and a half of pizza, Jaime knocked her shoulder into Dan's.

"So, what's going on with you? Was today really bad?"

"Steve was a royal dick."

"Expected."

"Mary almost had a go at him."

"Mary? Little old lady Mary? Mi Dio, what did he do?"

Dan brought his bandaged hand out from under the blankets, where it had been curled up over his stomach. Jaime nearly choked on the bite of pizza in her mouth when she saw it, and her eyes immediately darkened with anger.  

"He kind of hip-checked me while I was making her coffee, and I ended up burning myself." Dan said, definitely playing the situation down to avoid Jaime descending upon Steve like a grim reaper. As much as Dan might have loved to see that, it wouldn't have been worth it.

"But don't worry it's fine! Phil wrapped up and everything."

"Phil was there too now? And what the hell did he do, go out and buy bandages? We don't have these kind in the first-aid kit." She said, bringing Dan's hand over by his wrist to inspect the bandage. Her eyes roved over the rest of Dan's frame as well, looking for any other sign of injury, frowning.

Dan blushed.

"Ah, no, he had these at his flat."

Jaime raised a brow.

"You're telling me that he went all the way to his flat, grabbed some bandages, and came all the way back to the coffee shop just because you got a burn even though we had ones in the back?"

"No," he said, squirming, "we went to his flat for lunch. After he nearly threatened to dump a coffee on Steve's head."

"Why the fuck-"

"We're dating." Dan blurted, eyes going wide as soon as the words left his mouth. He had meant to be more tactile with telling her, damnit. Jaime blinked at him in disbelief. "Surprise?" He added, unsure.

"Tell me everything right now it's about time you two got together, jesus christ."

So Dan ended up telling Jaime all about how Phil showed up at his flat, the texts, today, their talk about Dan's past, and how Phil had swooped in like a saint to take him away from Steve, breaking for Jaime to disappear for a moment, only to come pack with a gallon on ice cream and two spoons.

"Oh my god you two were snogging on this couch."

"Shut up!"

"You can't deny it, Howell, you literally just told me!"

"That doesn't mean we have to talk about it!"

Jaime snickered and spooned another mountain of ice cream into her mouth.

"He's going to be in our coffee shop at every hour of the day now that you finally said yes, isn't he? God, don't even answer that he's like a puppy, he is."

Dan's face was beet-red, and he suspected that the blush wouldn't go down for a while, or at least until Jaime let up on the teasing.

"My boyfriend isn't a puppy. But yeah, he probably is going to be there a lot." Dan muttered through a mouth-full of ice cream.

"A lot my ass he won't leave unless you do."

"Jaime, shut up."

"Oi, this is the first relationship you've been in in years, it's my right to tease you to death."

Dan stuck out his tongue at her.

"Love you too, Danny."

Jaime shifted on the couch, and continued to reach for the ice cream, but thankfully stopped her suggestive smiles and teasing in lieu of smugly eating dessert.

They polished off an impressive amount of ice cream before Jaime pushed the container away, onto the table.

"We've had way too much. I'm throwing in the towel for the both of us."

"Speak for yourself, loser." Dan said, but admittedly throwing his spoon into the container of ice cream and flopping back into the couch. "What's next on the agenda, then? Are we going to cut into sleeping already? It's only about ten."

"No, you're not going to pass out on me, Danny, I'm not done with you yet."

Dan whined, but obediently sat up when Jaime swatted at his arm.

Unlike the rest of the night prior, this time Jaime looked stern. She wasn't bubbling over with excitement and joy like she had been when she had arrived, and she wasn't oozing disbelief and I-told-you-he-liked-you-but-you-didn't-believe-me-dumbass like when Dan was busy talking about Phil. She was determined and slightly reserved, but also showing hints of worry.

"I've been honestly meaning to talk to you about this for awhile, I just didn't really know how to bring it up, I guess? But I finally got my head out of my ass and realized that it doesn't matter if I'm vaguely unsure because this is about you."

Dan swallowed, suddenly nervous. His head immediately went to the worst-case he could think of. Was Jaime unhappy with their friendship? Changed her mind about her acceptance of Dan's sexuality?

Something else?

Her eyes seemed to be piercing his, keeping them from darting away. Dan wasn't sure if her gaze reassured him or heightened his anxiety.

"I want you to see a therapist, Dan. No, don't say anything yet, this is non-negotiable. You've been depressed since I've known you, and while I'm sure that some of that had to do with repressing your ace-ness, nowhere near all of it is, and it's gotten worse since you were just that too-tall kid to stumble through my store doors looking for a job. Dan, there are times when you can't get out of bed. And don't think I haven't noticed your increasing anxiety. Dan," Jaime said, grabbing Dan's hand, "I want you to be happy because you deserve to be. You don't deserve to suffer through that, and I don't want you to alone. I'll help you as much as you want me too, but I'm no professional, Dan. I can't help you how you need."

Dan felt tears prick at his eyes.

He'd been depressed for years now, ever since he was fourteen, really. It only got worse with his sexuality and his girlfriend, but things really went down-hill when he had gotten kicked out. It had taken him awhile to pick himself up from that after he finally found a stable place to stay, but he had thought he'd been managing it. Sure, he had more depressive episodes, but he knew how to handle those, what more did Jaime want?

"How do you know that? How do you know that you can't help?" Dan said, quietly. "Maybe it just takes time."

"Because I don't know how to help you other than support you through it. I can look through all of the forums on the internet—and believe me I have—and still not be able to help you like you need. All I can do is keep you going, I can't give you the tools you need to climb out of this hole you've ended up in."

There were tears dripping down Dan's cheeks. Was he really that sick? That his own best friend didn't even know how to help?

"One appointment, that's all that I'm asking for, Dan, please, I'll help you research the therapist and take you there and everything, I just need you to try. If not for you then for me." Jaime pleaded, wiping away Dan's tears with the sleeve of her jumper.

Dan looked back up at Jaime from where his eyes had slid down. She looked like she was about to cry herself, her expression looking so pained.

It's not that he liked feeling so numb.

It's not that he liked having a hard time to get out of bed.

It's not that he liked not having the energy to do the most basic things sometimes.

It's not that he liked being depressed.

It was just...all he knew.

He just wasn't sure what there was besides it. A normal life? That wasn't for him. It had been too long since he had had one.

"What if I can't get better? What if I'm just stuck like this?"

"If you're stuck like this, I'm going to find whatever punk-ass god or goddess who claims ownership of this shit universe and make them regret it, damnit."

A laugh bubbled out of Dan's chest before he could stop it, and Jaime smiled at him.

"Don't laugh, I mean it."

That only made Dan laugh harder, wiping away his own tears now. There was still something hard in his chest, but he felt lighter. Softer.

"Okay, I'll try, but only to save that 'punk-ass god' from you, you maniac."

Jaime snorted, but she pulled Dan back in for another hug, her smaller arms wrapping around Dan completely and making him feel warm inside. He hugged her back and whispered a small "thank you", not entirely sure that she heard it, but okay with it if she didn't. They didn't always need words to convey things between them, and Dan was sure that Jaime knew how much her care for him meant to him. Even after all of the tears and the drama.

They pulled themselves together after that and dug back into the ice cream, forgetting their prior self-restraint completely. Dan beat Jaime several times over in Mario Kart after they had finally paid the remainder of the movie that had been on in the background some attention, and after his seventh win, Jaime declared that they'd better sleep before she strangled a giddy-at-winning Dan. He teased her about it all through the clean-up, and didn't let up until she threatened to make him sleep outside.

"It's my flat! You can't kick me out!"

"Watch me, Howell. Now get your ass in bed."

Dan stuck his tongue out at her in his usual fashion, but did as she asked, pulling back the duvet on his bed—which she was already in—and flopping down next to her.

"Night, dork."

"Night, nerd."

Dan fell asleep easier than he had in awhile, warm and curled up with his best friend, the normal background noise of his thoughts settled for once.

[theday]

tagged by @ikyh and @younghyuuns ill be doing both sets !! :D thank you both for tagging me!! this got long so yall dont hav 2 read <3

ru?? rushee’s set!! me: wow ru does not sound like rushee at all ? djsjdhhjd im dumb but i realize now

i. do u believe in astrology? whats ur sign and do u line up with the features usually attributed to it?

fucc... i guess i do ;-0...... and yeah i think?????? like they say capricorns are cold bitches and funny nd im like ya thats me... but they also say we’re hard workers and im like uh.. dont know abt that karen !

ii. what’s ur favorite pair of socks?

bbbbbbb..... socks huh...... i guess my ankle ones? there are also socks that have actual designs on them and those r usually thicker.. keep my feets safe! most of them have pkmn designs bc.. yeah... love the poke mans

iii. what’s a food that reminds you of a specific moment/memory?

i could think of anythiing and get reminded of one situation if that makes sense.. but i thought of pineapple..pizza... anyway the memory isnt anythngn special its just me staring at my delicious hawaiian pizza..... at my favourite pizza place.... love that shit

iv. what’s the longest you’ve gone without sleeping?

i dont have the actual hours but the latest ive stayed up.. like willingly would be until 2am

v. how has ur taste in music changed throughout ur life?

went from 1d to 5so/s + other bands to utaite.... they cover vocaloid songs ig i never kno how2 explain what utaites r then 2 kpop.. but i still listen 2 bands + kpop and utaites.... so nothing much has changed ive just gone broader.. wider... expanded my tastes... 

vi. who’s ur fashion icon?

oh definitely kim wonpil

vii. what’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done without realizing?

i breathe dumbass particles.. i cant think of one bc my brain probably blocked off all access to my horrifying past but ive been thinking abt how i used 2 send the boy i used 2 like 1d songs....................... 12 y/o old me rly thought. he’d listen.... 12 y/o me thought spamming him was a good idea glad ive learnt from that! 

viii. what’s something you want to brag about?

my grades but it didnt get me into psychology so nvm ! its still good though i didnt expect to get an A1 (hghest grade) for combined humanities since ive had a B my whole life without it i wouldnt be able to move on education wise lmao so thank god for that thanks cambridge thanks bell curve sunbaenim 

ix. when you imagine urself being happy in the future, where exactly are you (like the location!)?

oh definitely an apartment somewhere where its always windy and the curtains are always Moving and the sun just Shines in the room but its not that hot either its just full of warmth and yeah thats the dream maybe also walks in the park without having 2 worry abt sweating my pits out u kno! tldr anywhere but here

x. what’s something you’ve always wanted to own?

let me Think.... i dont need a lot/?? but id love hm.............. i want stability but realistically i want all the hh pcs from the code albums. 

xi. how’ve you been lately?

good good! i finished my *** fic and its. im proud of it though i know its not that good nd i can do better but its done ! and hm i could be going to see mx but asking my mum is stressing me out speaking of her she wont stop Coughing and she refuses to see the doctor ;-/ love those sleepless nights ! other than that i just want 2 get out and feel the sun ???/ wanna get out of this house yea but i need to be.. shady with my money i cant get a job because school is starting in a month and im going overseas again sometime next month so ! no ones gonna hire someone who can only work for 2 weeks at most dhzjhhs shouldve worked when i had the time dumbasses only

ok now falen

1. what’s been on your mind??

hm redacted feeling towards my mum but i cant say them bc itd be insensitive 

2. what are you looking forward to? 

mx? possibly but also finishing my enrolment papers

3. story time!: how and when did you get into day6!!!!!

fuck...... listen up LADS. 

ive told the same story like 10 times but im never gonna get tired of saying this shit bc i love miss boxy so much nd she deserves the appreciation anywy she introduced me 2 day6 after i saw this one (1) picture of brian in minion glasses and instantly i knew in that Fucking moment thatd id die for him. so i asked for the name of my murderer and was introduced to day6 whom frankly id never heard of b4 bdjhjh she sent me all their mvs and i still remember the night . i remember walking out of this japanese restaurant, twitter open, chat wiht boxy there and i was like.. interesting ill go listen when im home so i Did! and my mind was blown away bitch? i honest 2 god expected them to be a boy group,,, dancing and shit yknow? i didnt know k bands existed ! so as a previous 5/sos stan i was like wow. this??? this shit is 10/10 a fucking BANGER thats what i felt listening 2 i smile and just going :O over the fucking instruments so idk if how can i say was the last or second song but Damn. .. it made me scream thanks mister j** he rly dragged me by the collar of my shirt and threw me face first into Heaven so i watched everything i asked my friend for video recommendations and after boxy sent me a page with their face and names i was like this jae kid is 182 cm? wow gotta stan now im stupid and stupid for glasses and tall people so ! it happened bithc,, ugh i lov eday6 so much i remember binge watchng all their vlives after the july after party live (that being the first vlive i watched Ever in my entire life and i laghed so hard despite not understanding a damn thing) please id giv my heart and soul2 day6 im so happy with the way ive progressed as a myday :^( 

bonus when i first started stanning it was 26th june and shortly after i made a stan acc teasers were being dropped but i didnt kno why ppl were freaking out i remmeber seeing jae’s teaser nd going ? ok? its just a pic damn ;-/ and then eveeryone was like: dowoon! choker! me: wdhs? what

4. ????do you have any allergies????

did u think of jae and no i used to be allergic 2 dairy products but thats disappeared

5. a fond memory???

bowling with friends and im just a disaster of a friend im always so loud with them and i thank god everyday that they handle my energy ? i would cheer for them even if they got a gutter or whatever and when they got a strike id go clap like crazy i love my friends i also went i have the power of god and anime on my side before flinging the ball and theyd laugh despite not knowing what vine that was from i love my friends... psg if ur out there yall are the best x i miss hanigng out with them as a trio.. three of us :( 

6. do you paint your nails?? if so, what are your fave colors to use?? if not, why??  

thats so.. tiresome.......... dont u have 2 wait for it 2 dry and shit ? my mums always worried abt ruining the colour or some sht nd im like !!! okY!!!!!!! tldr its a pain in the ass

7. what are your favorite colors?? what are your fave colors to wear??

i like hte colour of the sky... all the colours........ yeah love that bithc and lately ive been wearing a lot of black shirts finally went out of my embarrassing colourful phase ! 

8. what languages would you like to learn?? for what reason(s)??

japanese nd korean jp because i listen to a lot of things in japanese and korean for the same reason but my priority would be jp even tho id love to communicate with my faves i just... yeah although im not exactly making an effort 2 learn bc im lazy but if i Could.... itd be those two

9. when you get stickers, do you use them or do you keep them??

DHDGFHDHDGDSJHJSJAKSSJHFHS THIS FEELS LIKE A CALL OUT???? i keep them......... 

10. are there any groups that you might get into/want to get into?

hm... well theres knk ive learnt their names and im finally able to put name 2 face so thats nice svt too if htey didnt have such large numbers... thats all for now i think?? i love evry girl group though i love gIRLS... 

11. how are you???

idk im constantly just fine?? not the im sad but im fine kind of fine im literally just neutral half the time wjhddshs wild 

both of your questions were really unique and i loved answering them thank you so much for tagging me and if youve read until the end thank you i hope you have a good day!

[ask-svt-hearteu]

we met in june ` wen junhui

Anon requested: “Hi! This might sound completely weird, but can I request how you meet Jun at the airport and you kinda see each other, smile, small talk and then leave to your flights. Or maybe not such a sad ending idk it’s up to you bye! But actually thank you for creating such an amazing content💖 Ur blog saves me from my dull existence. 🙌🏼 ”

Genre: angst, fluff

Word Count: 1305

A/N: Thank you so much! We kind of made it from sad to fluffy hope you enjoy!

you met Wen Junhui in the summer

it was fitting

after all how many people can say they met Jun in June?

something you noticed right away?

Wen Junhui was radiant

literally

you were sitting at a table in a Chinese restaurant, looking through the menu

and you look up

sitting by the window with the early morning sun shining around him

is Jun

he catches you staring and you quickly look away

like damn why do you always just stare at random guys you find attractive

you're quietly smacking yourself in the head

and you hear him, 

laughing lightly at your reaction of being caught staring

you thought that moment would be the end of your interactions with the random attractive guy

but the next week you're sipping your coffee and typing away

until your neck pricks a little and you feel someone looking at you

so you look up over your laptop

and there he is

mysterious handsome Chinese restaurant guy

you've got to come up with a better nickname for him

he's drinking his cup of tea and you can tell he's trying to suppress a smile

he picks up his cup and walks over to you

"I didn't introduce myself last week, but I'm Wen Junhui, but people call me Jun."

you're slowly sinking in your chair from embarrassment like was I being too obvious?

"I'm y/n." you say,

cringing from recalling the moment he caught you staring,

"I'm sorry if i seemed like a creep staring at you last time."

"No, I thought you were cute."

you're caught off guard but break into a huge smile

you both exchange numbers

and decide to try to catch a movie the next week

but right as you were about to walk out the door for that date that day, your phone pings indicating a text message

"I'll have to take a raincheck, last minute plans came up sorry. -Jun"

sighing, your heart sinks

you didn't spend a whole day picking an outfit

you didn't spend the whole day being a nervous and excited mess

guess you're watching a movie by yourself

after the movie you walk past a meat restaurant and look inside

you see Jun sitting there amongst twelve other guys

they're all laughing

"I guess he was busy"

and that's kind of how it went with Jun

sure you both texted each other often enough and got to know each other more

but he was always busy and couldn't meet up

or you were busy

so eventually you stopped trying

'this had just been a small crush on a sweet guy' you thought

there are plenty of others out there

you won't be second priority or something that's convenient 

eventually you stopped responding to his messages

and he stopped sending you them

maybe you would see him in the coffee shop every once in a while

and maybe your eyes would meet

you'd both acknowledge the slight tinge of sadness that was there

but you both never gave any indication that you knew the other and went on your ways

you went on a couple of dates with other guys afterwards

but you never felt like you could really get into liking the other guy

because every time you looked into the other guys' eyes

you'd see Wen Junhui's eyes

the way they crinkled when he smiled brightly at you that first meeting

and the way he had called you cute

that boy probably didn't even remember you, you thought to yourself

so much for trying to pull yourself together

a year passed from that day in the Chinese restaurant

you gripped your luggage in your hand tightly as you used it to shield your legs

you're waiting in the airport for your flight back to the US

you're spending all summer in the sun of California

good bye South Korea 

the air conditioning is way too cold for the shorts and t-shirt you're wearing

you try hugging yourself for warmth while surfing the internet on your phone

your flight will be boarding soon

a group of guys walk past you and sit down in an area off to your left

you don't pay them much attention until you hear

"Isn't that y/n?"

you look up to see who said your name

it was a skinny guy carrying a suitcase

and next to him was Jun

"Yea, Minghao, that's her."

at this point you're panicking

but are you panicking at seeing Jun again after a year?

are you panicking because you're secretly happy to see him?

is it because he talked about you to his friend?

or are you panicking because he's walking over to you?!?!

brain please function 

"Hey y/n." 

"Hey Jun."

"It's been a while."

"About a year, yea."

"You look good," he laughs and pushes a stray lock of your hair behind your ear

"So do you." You say smiling and playfully ruffle his hair

It should have been awkward

It SHOULD HAVE been

but it wasn't

you both ask about each other's lives and what you've been up to lately

little did you know

that Jun saw you through the window that day when you were supposed to have your first movie date

little did you know

that Jun insisted on going to that coffee shop just so he could catch glimpses of you every now and then

and now that you were standing in front of him again

he didn't want to lose you

not again

but he didn't know how to tell you that

so instead you both talked about the weather

and your latest hobbies

and you felt a sharp pain in your heart

you realized why you haven't had any successful dates this past year

Wen Junhui

and this stupid game of push-and-pull you both had been playing ever since that first encounter

Jun had somehow crept his way into your heart

And stayed there

"It's pretty cold in here, huh?" Jun said rubbing the back of his neck

"Oh my god, yea." You say rubbing your arms shivering

"Here" he takes off the flannel shirt he was wearing revealing his t-shirt and wrapped it around your shoulders

You freeze up as he buttons it up around you and grabs your arm to roll up the too-long-on-you sleeves for you

"There, that should help some."

"But I'm leaving soon."

"That's ok, you can keep it. Something to remind you of me while you're gone..."

You both just look at each other for a while

"Flight to SFO now boarding in terminal 5" an announcement sounds out 

"That's me"

you say looking down at your feet

"See you around then" he said with a sad smile

you grab your suitcase and what you should be doing is rolling it to the terminal

but when you turn back to see Jun standing there smiling down at you

fuck it

you release your hold on the suitcase and run the short distance into his arms

wrapping your arms around his neck and his arms go around your waist

"I'm sorry and I missed you Junhui, even though I shouldn't have"

you hear him breathe in

"I missed you too."

you pull away slightly, his arms around your waist and yours gripping his shirt lightly

"I'll call you when I land, and you better pick up"

"I promise."

and as you're sitting in your seat on the plane that's flying above the clouds

you think back to Jun's smile at the Chinese restaurant long ago

and the smile he had when you told him you had missed him

you smile to yourself and play with the flannel he gave you

you fall asleep, wrapped in his flannel on the plane

his scent enveloping you softly and his smile still radiating in your dreams

MASTERLIST

[kxlebcross]

multiples of three, please.

oh man i cant believe ur making me do maths at 4:18 am... but here goes nothing! (it’s gonna be long so i put it under a read more)

3. Ever done any drugs? uhhhh... yeah, for a short period yrs ago i had a friend group and with them we smoked weed pretty much every weekend... they did some hard drugs too but i never dared trying those cuz im a lil bitch lmao aaaaand i don’t do that anymore, it’s an expensive hobby to have and i usually waste my drugs money on pc games and ordering food srgsdfg

6. Describe your dream home. probs somewhere in a big city, close to the center because i love being a big city kid.... a mid-sized flat with lots of plants and those neat cat playgrounds mounted on the wall because i plan on having at least 4 cats in the future asdsd and i’d love to have a bigger balcony which i could transform into a little jungle and hand a hammock there and just chill and listen to the city’s noises at night when i can’t sleep

9. Do you watch porn? you may not believe but i actually don’t sdgsdfg the horny teen phase is over for me, if i wanna interact with anything pornographic i just read fanfiction dfgsdfgsf

12. What’s one of your fantasies? i hope it’s not supposed to be an erotic one lmao but i really wanna go on a road trip through europe, just pack up my shit and drive around, also i wanna visit haunted places all around england and get into the gaming business as a game translator/tester eventually

15. Are you in a relationship? thank god not anymore... and honestly i don’t miss it anymore, all of my previous ones were disasters and ended in a really ugly manner so.. no, i’m all good with my cat

18. What tattoos do you want? i don’t have specific plans for motives - though i’d really like a kitsune mask somewhere and a moon and one song quote. i’d like to have my whole left sleeve done, maybe part of my back, a half sleeve on my right hand and something smaller on my ankle - and i’m actually open to anything the tattooists would pick out; i care more about who’s gonna create my tattoo than what’s it gonna be, as my actually existing 2 tattoos r also premade, randomly picked out ones (though they accidentally matched up in some way and look pretty neat imo)

21. Describe your best friend. that’s a hard one.... i don’t think i have one anymore. i used to have this girl in my life, M, who i was really close to, but we had a fallout in october and she never came around to fix this even though i was open to the idea... so i lost my best friend, which is kinda sad considering that she was the only person i could open up to in the last 3 yrs. but hey that happens! i moved on and have a close friend still so im all good.

24. What are three places you want to travel? i really wanna visit scotland! it has this specific atmosphere i really long to experience, and i wanna see the landmarks and grassy fields and loch ness and haunted places and just roam around there for a while. i also wanna see moscow - it’s been sort of an obsession of mine since reading glukhovsky’s metro series, and also it’s a beautiful city worth visiting. i’d also like to get on the trans-siberian express but that’s not a specific place dsfsgdf the last place would be the aokigahara forest in japan - also one of the places i feel drawn to for ages now. found out about it years ago and since it’s been sort of a plan of mine to visit one time. if i manage to graduate university my mum promised to send me on a trip to japan - so if it works out, ill be on my way there baby! (i just need to work on my language skills first sasdfgf)

27. What’s your pet peeve? loud breathing, loud chewing... generally people being loud and annoying. ppl not covering their mouths while coughing. ppl who walk super slowly and take up all of the walkway like FUCK OFF OF MY WAY GODDAMMIT. in games when the npc walks a lot slower than ur running, but walking a lot faster than ur walking so its impossible to keep up with them. ppl not using headphones in public spaces. old ppl demanding respect when they treat u like shit. ppl forcing their religion on u (im looking at u auntie). ppl slurping their drinks. couples almost f*cking each other in public places... just get a room smh

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message. oh i don’t need to tag them cuz i already got over that shyness and they totes know already that i wanted to talk to them for a while! (i admitted to it in the tackiest, cheesiest, most awkward anon ask i ever sent in to anyone sdfgsdf)

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like? pretty much the same as now, all black and flannels and jeans, cuz i rly thing that major clothes shopping sprees r a waste of money sdfdf but i’d probably own a lot lot more shoes like custom made cat patterned vans and some more nikes and some creepers cuz i wanted to get some of those for like yrs now dfgdfg

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? uhhhh... kind of? not romantic ones tho, i just miss the long talks and the trust and understanding between us. i never got the closure i needed to move on and it still left some bad feelings towards her so its a weird mix of resentment and sympathy, and i try to not think abt it too much.

39. Are you a virgin? hahahahahahahahah, no, really. 

42. Describe the hottest person you know. the hottest person i personally know is one of the ppl i used to be on my universitys e-sport team on with dfasd i always had a weak spot for ppl taller than me and hes literally model material with nice cheekbones and the perfect jawline and the best sense of humor ever. though he’s a widowmaker main in overwatch and thats a big big minus for him :(

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on? lmaooooo thats a funny one listen up... so i was fresh out of breakup and wanted to make some friends.... wait for it.... ON TINDER. i live in an university town so i was like kewl imma make some ppl my age (until then all of my friends were A LOT older than me) and have some friends and if romance happens then it happens, w/e. so i set up this bar night with this one guy, i believe his name was David? so David and i meet up for drinks, i grab a gintonic and we sit down to talk... what he never knew abt me is that i am on the adhd spectrum and i have to get my hands busy with smth so i can focus on what im saying otherwise my thoughs r all over the place. so im casually keeping my hands busy with just spinning my locked phone there and back, or just  messing around with the lime slice on my glass and at a random moment David goes like “u know.... i hate when ppl cant stop messing around with their phone” and im like ????? dude im literally just spinning it, not even messaging anyone or unlocking it or shit. and he goes on this rant that he always expects ppl to pay full attention to him when talking, looking at him (i never look ppl in the eyes cuz i tend to just go into panic mode from long eye contact and also i think its creepy to just stare at someone constantly) and just not doing anything else except paying attention to him so i go on explaining to him that i need to keep myself busy and im not doing it to annoy him - but he keeps on insisting so i excuse myself to a cigarette (he also hated smokers lmao) and call the widowmaker main friend from the previous question and am like “hey man i have the worst date of my life can u be at this place in 40 minutes and then we hit the night life” and hes like fine so i go back to David and tell him “sorry mate i just remembered i have my last bus home in 30 minutes and the next one is in 1,5 hrs and i really cant stay out that late so can we wrap this up and schedule an other meeting some other time” and hes like fine... got me to the bus stop, i sat on the bus.... got off at the next bus stop, met up with widowmaker main guy and went out for drinks and decided to never go on tinder dates again sdfgsdfg

48. Describe your ideal partner. thats a hard one, hey! but i dont think i have an ideal, guess ill work with anyone whos a decent human being who wont require me to be the housemaid and cook and clean and do everything for them. oh and they totally need to know how to use a washing machine... one of my exes was incapable of this (and here i was thinking that in 2018 ppl saw a washing machine already... looks like i was wrong and im still not over that incident 2 yrs ago). oh and they gotta be fine with the idea of never having kids cuz theres no way im putting myself through raising one of those, im a man of career and money, totally not responsible enough to raise another living human being sdsdgdf

[breyito]

Wishes

So, I feel like a piece of shit and I wanted to cry; and I feel better about crying when I cry while writing angst; so I decided I’ll break a few hearts today. You are warned, this is sad.

You can read it on AO3

“PETER, NO!!” Tony hears himself scream; but it’s too late. He knows it’s too late as he says it. He runs to the kid’s side and Rhodey and Barnes provide cover for them. He half holds, half drags the teenager to the nearest building that looks kind of stable; so that he can check the kid’s injury. War Machine and Winter are already back in the fight, although they are protecting the entrance, so that they can tend to the wound. Tony is incredibly grateful to them. 

He tries contacting his armors again; tries talking to FRIDAY while he tears his jacket off to use as a bandage. He tears the Spider-Man suit even more (it already has a hole on it) and Tony prays that the wound isn’t so bad as that would suggest, but it is. It’s worse. 

“Karen, vitals. How is he?” he asks the AI, while bundling up his jacket and pressing it to the wound. It worries him that Peter hasn’t said anything yet, just whimpers or little cries. 

“Mr. Stark...it’s no good, boss. Peter is losing a lot of blood. His stomach, liver and aorta have been punctured. With no instant medical care, I’m afraid...Boss? I’m afraid he won’t make it.” she answers, voice trembling. She is young, but she’s learning; and she adores Peter. This must be hurting her too. 

“Kid? Hey, kid.” Tony says, removing the mask. He taps the boy’s cheek a few times until Peter opens his eyes. 

“Wha-? Wher-? Ow!” he says, breathing fast and looking at his chest, where the blood is pouring out and drenching Tony’s jacket. 

“You were impaled and then thrown away a quite a few yards, Pete.” he answers, grim. “We have to try and contain the bleeding, alright? Until I can get one of my suits and get you out of here.” The boy nods, and puts his hands on his stomach, over Tony’s. 

“...Bos-s?” he hears on his ear. 

“Thank god, FRI! In how long can a suit get here? Any suit. Any. Peter is injured and I need to-” 

“-I-m...zzorry, Bos-z, the suitz and I have been compro-missed...” she says, before going off line.

 “No, no, no, no!” Tony yells, the reality setting in. He can’t leave this place; so Peter can’t leave this place. And there’s no chance of him surviving without medical care. “Where is the nearest hospital!?” he yells in his comm, trying to look for an alternative. 

“Four blocks away; it was demolished by the first wave.” answers War Machine, in a tight voice. 

“No, no, no, no...” keeps murmuring the engineer. Peter looks at him and holds his hand a bit tighter. 

“It’s okay.” 

“No, it’s not okay! You are fucking sixteen! You are not supposed to be dying! Not you, not you.” he repeats. 

Peter makes a chocking noise and a bit of blood pours out of his mouth. Tony takes a deep breath and tries to calm down. He, he won’t fall apart in front of Peter. He is not the one dying here. 

“What is it? Do you need to be prompted up?” he asks, already moving to fit Peter’s shoulders and head on his lap. “Better?” he asks, and then wants to slap himself for his stupidity. 

“It..it hurts, Tony” whispers Peter, looking at him with shinning eyes full of tears. Tony swallows. He doesn’t...can’t believe that this young, smart and kind boy was about to leave this world. That he won’t have Peter’s smile as a company in his labs, the continue blabber that always cheers his days up, or that he will have to live the rest of his miserable existence without another hug from this kid that dig himself a hole in Tony’s heart and never left. 

Tony would give everything he has, and he means everything, if with that would Peter would live. Because what do armors, and cars and houses and money mean when he can’t save this brilliant kid; when he can’t do anything but lay there and let him bleed out on his lap!? He would give his life too; but that’s not worth much, is it? He has tried everything; and nothing will work. The other suits are not responding, the nearest hospital is destroyed (as is everything around them), and the kid probably lost a chunk of his liver and his aorta; and Tony can’t do anything!! He wishes, oh, how he wishes that Peter hadn’t jumped in front of him. God, if only he had left on his suit (and he knows, he knows that he will feel so guilty for thinking that later; because that family needed to be out this area, but damn it, this is his kid!!) so he could get Peter some help; get him to a hellicarrier or something. They are trapped in this ruined floor of what used to be a nice building, with only parts of the walls as protection; and Tony barely managed to get Peter here and away from the actual fight. He is to old and too weak to help...to help one of the most important people of his life. 

“Peter, Peter why...? Why!?” he half yells, tears falling on the kid’s cheeks, mixing with the blood on his face. “Why did you do that? I-” 

“Y-you would have d-died...” Peter answers him in a murmur. 

“You are dying!” Tony sobs, “Peter, you are dying and I can’t stop it.” he cries, burring his head on his chest. 

“A-are you mad?” Peter asks with a grimace. “Because I’m sorry, Tony, I’m sorry, but I couldn’t let you die. I can’t lose another p-parent when I can do something to help it.” and now the kid is crying too and Tony feels even worse, because these are his last moments on this earth and Tony is making him feel guilty over sacrificing his own life, damn it. 

“No, no, kid, I’m not mad.” he whispers, caressing the boy’s hair, trying to comfort him a bit. “I’m proud of you, Peter. You were magnificent out there. I just wish you hadn’t done that. I care about you, Pete, I love you like a son; the last thing I want is to see you die.” he weeps. 

“Don’t leave!” Peter exclaims, trying to move and then crying out at the pain that caused him. 

“Hey, hey, hey” Tony hushes him. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’m not leaving you.” he promises, more tears pouring out of his eyes. Peter nods minutely, relaxing as much as possible while being in such amount of pain. 

“Can you...” starts the kid. 

“Can I what?” asks Tony. “Anything you want, I’ll do it.” 

“Can you sing to me? Like you do s-sometimes to your bots?” he shyly asks, blushing a bit. 

“Yeah, yes, of course.” agrees Tony. “What do you want me to sing?” 

“I don’t know...something soft. Calm.” 

“Like a lullaby?” wonders the engineer. “I don’t know any lullabies...” but Tony already knows what he wants to sing to Peter. He probably decided he would sing this to him a long time ago; but never got around to do it, and he now regrets that with all his being. He wishes he could share this in a happier occasion, but he’s a sadistic selfish bastard, and he wants this memory; no matter how much it’ll hurt. “...but I might know something. Close your eyes, please. Try to relax, okay? The pain will stop soon enough” he says, swallowing a sob.

Peter listens to him (for once, he listens to him); and Tony lets out all the tears he was holding back. He has enough practice singing this song while crying. 

“T-try to remember the kind of September when life was slow and oh, so mellow... Try to remember the kind of September when grass was g-green and grain was yello-ow...” he keeps singing, never taking his eyes of Peter’s face. His memory takes notice of every detail; because this is the last time he will see his boy alive. “... try to remember when life was... so tender that d-dreams were kept beside your p-pillow...” Tony knows that if he had let Peter’s dream be just that, a dream, this wouldn’t have happened. He tried to help the kid, and as always, he ended up ruining it all. Peter is dying. There’s...there’s no other choice here. No escape. No waking up from a nightmare. The kid was dying, every breath slower and shallower than the one before, and...and it was all his fault. “... D-deep in December it's n-nice to remember without the hu-rt the h-heart is h-hollow...” The last smile Peter ever gave was a small, beautiful thing; and Tony will cherish it in his heart forever. ‘Thanks for staying, d-dad’ are his lasts words, and Tony feels like a string has been cut inside of him, and then he’s burying his head in Peter’s chest and finishing the song between whimpers and sobs “d-deep in D-December ou-ur hea-arts should r-remember a-and f-follow...” 

  The scream that tears itself out of his throat when he hears nothing on Peter’s chest freezes the blood on every being that gets to listen to it; Avenger, Guardian, ally or foe.

So, did you enjoyed my angst?

(I forgot to tag you; hope you don’t mind I do? @digdipper09 @thecitylightshow @reioka @thealextheshipper @ifdragonscouldtalk )

[theproofinthisong]

fine line review

oh my goooood i just finished listening to the album and i NEED to express my thoughts:

golden: didn’t know what to expect with this one but it’s?? so beautiful?? harry was so right saying it was a driving song it makes you want to go to california and watch the sunset from the car?? also the sun theme is so poetic and beautiful the way he uses it to talk about louis, his beloved?? the melody is quite simple but it’s so effective and these little da da da sounds the choir make in the background...heavenly. this part reminds me of another song but i can’t remember which one. what i love about this one is that it’s first time i’ve listened the lyrics seemed a quite sad (but riddled with hope still) and now the second time the meaning changed totally?? like it’s witchcraft how much the meaning can change once you look at the lyrics closely?? i know harry was talking about adore you when speaking about that feeling of bliss when you first meet the love of your life and fall completely but this is also what golden is about?? like being afraid but diving deep into it knowing this is right. i’m emo. in terms of vocals, it isn’t as BOOM as in other songs (in the sense that he’s not belting, using falsetto or a very low intonation that differs from his usual tone) but i love it!!! it’s very calm and peaceful and dreamy.

watermelon sugar: miss watermelon sugar is still as iconic as the first day she came out. it’s such a wonderful tune. my impressions on this song will never change and i will listen to it for another 30 times round without even hesitating. it just feels very summery and sensual and sexy without being too explicit (even though there is nothing wrong with being super explicit...see medicine). the chorus is just super catchy. the lyrics are so nice and i love the melody. very old pop and i’m a slut for this genre. also i know this has been HUGELY talked about before but i need to say it again. the way he’s saying belly!! the softness of the breathe me in/breathe me out parts!! the last watermelon sugar i don’t know why i’m obsessed it JUST SLAPS

adore you: oh darling. a treasure. 8 days ago, first time i’ve heard it, it took me by surprise because i wasn’t expecting that sound...but six seconds in and i was SOLD and already cherishing her with all of my heart. this song is JUST PERFECT. it’s probably the song that is the closest to 1D mixed with HS1 in terms of sound, like it’s super modern but at the same time has these very old school vibes i’m in LOVE WITH?? this is such a sweet joyful sappy song about his soulmate and i :’) also the rainbow paradise line i haven’t recovered from  bitches. i will never. this is such a certain and blatant declaration of love i wanna die!! i feel acknowledged as a romantic bitch who lives for this kind of grand gestures. thanks harry. also during some parts he sounds like old harry (i mean harry from 1d days) and then 2019 harry takes over and it makes me CRY

lights up: the first single and song from the era will always a soft soft in my heart. i listened to the track so many fucking times the words are tattooed onto my brain. this song was just so needed and so important. it’s so deep and means everything to me really. all of us wanted a song from him about identity and self discovery and lights up was the gift he gave us. never in my life i would have have dreamed of this song and it happened for real. i’m just so grateful. his voice in this is just so soft and delicate and so fitting for the song like it DEMANDS that tenderness and sweetness. also the choir gives me chills, like when they scream SHINE i just feel overwhelmed it’s!!! fuck!! i could write an essay about lights up because this song is just it. it makes you feel seen and understood and i just feel so lucky harry was able to share something as intimate as this.

cherry: lmaoooo. this one will be a skipper sorry. it’s far from being a bad piece because harry’s voice is always amazing but i can’t get over the voicemail. when the news came out i was just so appealed and angry but know i’m just cackling?? i’m french and what is this slander?? THE COUCOU AT THE BEGINNING IS RIDICULOUS!! and the ending sounds so rehearsed there is literally nothing naturel about it. thank god we hear harry’s laugh in it. I JUST KNOW it was added because there is no way he would have laughed irl at one of her jokes lol. lyrically you can see some parts were put there to make an allusion to the stunt (the accent & friends part, the gallery...) but others are just about louis?? like him being jealous of course it’s about the hubby. his voice is still beautiful but the melody doesn’t speak to me (and i would have telled you if it was the case) being objective, it’s the weakest one out of the album.

falling: OH MY FUCKING GOOOOD. i wanna say it’s my favorite song but i feel like it would diminish the love i have for the others but god...this song is breathtaking and out of this world. in terms of lyrics it’s the best HANDS DOWN. like period. fuck this song just BROKE ME. all that ache and heartbreak you get what he’s talking about when he said to zane lowe he hit rock bottom then. fucking hell. it just hurts knowing he hated himself that much like i can’t even fathom it. and his voice bloody hell?? i never heard him sing like that!!! it’s just so desperate and full of hurt and the high notes? please annihilate me. when i heard it i would at first sight i would be my favorite out of fine line. it was just so obvious. that kind of magic doesn’t happen a lot...like. i can’t pinpoint what part hurts me the most because the whole song is TORTURTING ME. when we’ll hear live i will be bawling for the rest of my life. i’m already am. my god it’s just so raw and honest no other artist can make me feel like that. you are experiencing the hurt with him it’s??? i have no words. and please this song makes no fucking sense if you don’t link to his relationship to louis like?? the i’m well aware i write too many songs about you?? hello??? i’m glad he doesn’t feel like that anymore because it hurts. it’s crazy how this song can pull you back to ancient memories and you just forget about the world. oh my god.

to be so lonely: i almost fell out of my chair (or bed, rather) because this song did not fit at all what i was expecting but it’s?? gold??? i was so sure it was going to be a full angsty ballad but it’s so catchy and it has those beatles vibe? like PLEASE. king of defying expectations. it’s so english. and it’s so smart because when the melody and rythm makes you think it’s gonna be corny (in the best sense of the word) but it’s kinda passive agressive? AND ALSO THE SWEARING. DON’T, STYLES. UR MY SON. i’m kidding. him hearing him say arrogant son of a bitch is THE PINNACLE of my life. also am i the only one that feels like if you change the beat a little and accelerate it on don’t call me baby ever again it would sound a bit like never enough? loved the throwback nonetheless. it isn’t a favorite yet but it’s already growing on me.

she: bloody fucking hell. first this song is timeless. it feels like it came straight (gay!!!) from the seventies. i had eagles vibes first listen but some said pink floyd and it’s SO TRUE. there are tons of rock influences in it but it’s so harry and manages to still be super unique?? just incredible. the writing of the song is the smartest out of HS2. it reminds me of woman (not in the way i was expecting...i had one supposition it was going to be about being envious of a woman while dumb people are tricked by the title) so much not in melody or lyrics at all but in the sense that it has a double (triple...and more) meanings. once again stupid hets think it’s about singing about the ideal girl when really it’s...on another plane of existence. like jesus. bitch i was right!!! it’s either a song on gender identity (harry singing about his feminine side that he was ashamed of for so long and tried to hide) or the closet and my god, the whole thing is just so clever.  A MASTERMIND. and the switch from the third person to the third KEATS you’ve been beaten. what a writer. it has thousands of interpretations this is just a trip. holy shit. the whole song carries so much guilt and repression and wishing be free of those feelings it’s?? i’m speechless. it’s so complex and intense. and fuck the guitar solo outro IS HISTORIC. in decades it will be praised as a masterpiece by all. i just know it. mitch you’re a genius. it gives just so much resonance and impact to the piece and it already had everything... i’m in heaven. or in hell. don’t know.

sunflower vol 6; cutest and weirdest song on earth and it’s A FAVE. it’s so colorful and nothing like he ever did before i’m living for it. it’s SAPPY AS FUCK and we stan sunflower in this house. also the part where he’s singing about wanting to kiss his lover kinda sounds like a lullaby and an alphabet song mixed together it’s ADORABLE!!! it’s such a being young and in love track i’m giggling!! it’s so precious!!! very poppy and gives you joy for days!! also super summery!! i wanna dance and twirl to it!! AND THE ENDING IS SO FUCKING LEGENDARY. BIG HIGH ON CRACK ENERGY. BITCH. it’s so uncanny like is he imitating a bird? calling someone?? trying to sound 5? i don’t know but it’s endearing. just so lovely.

canyon moon: another one i was expecting to be slow and it wasn’t. very country. thanks kacey for the input!! also him putting “jenny” in that sound is he trying to be adopted by dixie chicks and dolly parton? I LOVE that he’s trying new things with this track like country is such a hard genre to tackle and he nailed it. AND OH MY GOD THE LYRICS. it makes so emotional he’s literally creating a safe place for him and his darling?? could you be more in love?? this song belongs to the gays. san junipero without the angsty feelings. we deserved that. also he really mentioned the two weeks rule i’m weak. THIS IS INFURIATING.

treat people with kindness: the group part just sounds like a sitcom from the 80s. i’m dying. he really did that. and he named it like that :’) ALSO A GAY ANTHEM I CAN’T WAIT TO SCREAM THOSE LYRICS. big end of the days vibe. it’s just so healing and reassuring. it’s so empowering and i love the contrast between the very catchy happy bits (the high notes and the part where he kinda talks at the end reminded so much of mika which is a huge compliment as far as i’m concerned!!!) and that part where he’s singing very slow and soft you can see it’s very personal with him gaining confidence thanks to us during hslot <3 i’m dying this is such an exceptional gesture to like dedicate this to your fans? it’s so universal while being about his own journey (just like home..i’m sobbing) and that is like the mark of great music. also the instrumental is godsent.

fine line: i can see why it’s his favorite and why it is ending the album and giving it its name. i said falling was my fave but honestly fine line might be it too? the only difference is that i didn’t fall in love instantly, it takes time to escalate (it’s very similar to sott in that sense) beginning softly and almost whispered (also the high tone?? i almost didn’t recognized harry but at the same time it’s just 100% percent him but HE NEVER SANG in THAT TONE i’m!!! my jaw is dropping all the way to mars) like you can see it BUILDING to something superior and never made before... it’s a moment, it’s an experience, it just suspends time. like when music can do that for you...it’s infinite stuck in a few minutes. the two last minutes are purely angelic and the most beautiful thing i’ve ever heard. it has very few lines and words but the one there are so meaningful. when the song ended i just stayed a bit in silence without moving i could not believed what i just witnessed. and the album ending with we’ll be alright...it’s so fucking special. and that word doesn’t even give it justice.

fucK. this album is just...i’m trying to find words but how can you. when you make an album as ambitious and as outstanding as HS1 it’s hard to go back to the studio and find a way to equate it (i’m not saying top it because both can’t even be compared...) but he somehow did it?? i had no doubt but holy shit it’s unreal. it’s crazy because fine line is so different from the first one while being as rock and pop but there is a level of maturity and vulnerability that feels just so? different?? i can’t seem to find the right expression but i’m am purely in awe. i dk how harry finds a way to exceed my expectations every time like... it’s?? i’m sorry i’m just so moved and... it just means everything. 

two years and a half after and the feeling is the same. an album changing me and my life at first listen and 48 minutes that felt like a lifetime and a second at the same time.

[soradinnersready]

ALL OF THE QUESTIONS

*cracks knuckles* OKAY HERE GOES NOTHING

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

If they were down hell yeah

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

Incorrect

3. Have you taken someone’s virginity?

No

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

It’s my biggest issue m8

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

I don’t like anyone so no

6. What are you excited for?

For this school year to be over, and kh3

7. What happened tonight?

Nothing but I have to take a shit

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

Not really unless it’s one of my friends and I have to baby them

9. Is confidence cute?

There’s….a thin line…. we’ll just say confidence is great

10. What is the last beverage you had?

Water……..because……that’s all I ever drink

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

Maybe one

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

I have like 15 pairs they’re the only jeans I wear

13. What are you gonna do on Saturday night?

We’re hosting a baby shower at my house but the mommy-to-be isn’t even going to be there

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

Who can ever tell…..probably…..food….unhealthy food

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

No thank GOD

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

Well…January is about that time…..prime time…..yeah I’ll be even shittier than I am now

17. Who do you feel the most comfortable talking to about anything?

For most things, ryry :)

18. The last time you felt broken?

This morning

19. Have you had sex today?

No

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

A lot of things but I’m trying to not make this whole thing depressing

21. Are you in a good mood?

I suppose so

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

No. I have nothing against sharks they are lovely but I do not feel comfortable near any kind of sea animal even fucking minnows please don’t nibble on my toes

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

They sure are

24. What do you want right now?

To be able to hug my internet friends, to not suffer, to go take a shit

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

Like I said this person doesn’t exist but the person/people closest to it? I’d probably be happy for them idk

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

Half of it yes

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

If there even is someone who can’t make me laugh they’re probably a spawn of the devil because….I laugh at everything….so no

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

Ryder saying he doesn’t dance in the car….he P E R F O R M S

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

Every second of every day with every bone in my body

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

My old self would say yes but….no

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

I could never

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

Again, hypothetical person/people, no

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda pop?

Ya got me…..I am one of THOSE people

34. Listening to?

FUCK okay I’m not going to lie I am listening to She Looks So Perfect By 5sos I swear to god I’m not in a phase

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

Um yeah we all make mistakes okay people who write in pen can fuck off

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

I sure do he’s sitting his no life havin ass right at home playing xbox like always with respect because that is also me

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No way

38. Who did you last call?

Elizabeth Tudor My friend

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

This girl whom I have reserved a special place in hell for

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

Because I felt like I had to

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

This question has bestowed much sadness upon me, I don’t remember pls someone send some my way

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

No

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Shit probably

44. Do you tan in the nude?

No but when I get my own place you can bet ur ass I will

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

Yeah he’s got some chapped ass lips

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

No but I fell asleep WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO REPLY COUGH COUGH

47. Who was the last person to call you?

Someone in Georgia????

48. Do you sing in the shower?

No but again, when I get my own place….u can bet ur ass I will

49. Do you dance in the car?

I P E R F O R M

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

Yes and I highly recommend it’s very calming

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Other than school pictures, I was like 3

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

Not really cheesy more like annoying but I usually don’t mind them

53. Is Christmas stressful?

If I were a good person this answer would be yes

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

What in bloody hell is that

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

Apple but I’m not a pie eater

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

I didn’t know, but the first thing I thought of was an astronomer

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

Not exactly? Spirits maybe if that’s even what I’d call it

58. Ever had a deja-vu feeling?

Too often

59. Take a vitamin daily?

Not anymore

60. Wear slippers?

Whenever I get new ones but I always forget I have them so I just have like….10 pairs lying around

61. Wear a bath robe?

I wish I were that person

62. What do you wear to bed?

The ugliest and coziest clothes I have, in the summer no pants :)

63. First concert?

Uggggghhhhh OMGmusicfest…..the magcon days…..

64. Walmart, Target, or K-Mart?

Walmart

65. Nike or Adidas?

Nike

66. Cheetos or Fritos?

CHEETOS???? fuck fritos oh my god

67. Peanuts or sunflower seeds?

Sunflower seeds

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jb2stN7kH28

69. Ever take dance lessons?

No

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

Uhh first of all I can’t picture myself having a spouse

71. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes I can do lots of things with my tongue and I swear to god that’s not supposed to be dirty

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

I couLD HAVE IF MY DUMBASS DIDN’T SPELL CALCULATOR WRONG

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

Probably but……I can’t remember the last time

74. What is your favorite book?

Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes

75. Do you study better with or without music?

Needs to be dead fcking silent

76. Regularly burn incense?

No but it was tradition when my friend and I smoked

77. Ever been in love?

*cringes* yes

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

I don’t have the energy to answer this question

79. What was the last concert you saw?

Lol OMGmusicfest

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

No tea please

81. Tea or coffee?

Coffee

82. Favorite type of cookie?

Sugar cookies with or without the frosting, or my grandma’s cookies

83. Can you swim well?

Well…..I mean…..I can swim but I probably couldn’t do it to save my life

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

Assuming this goes with the previous question, no I can’t heh

85. Are you patient?

Yes unless I’m in a reallly bad mood

86. DJ or band at a wedding?

DJ

87. Ever won a contest?

I’ve won awards but not sure if that’s the same thing

88. Ever had plastic surgery?

No

89. Black or green olives?

No olives please yuck

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

Nothing wrong with it

91. Best room for a fireplace?

Living room….? no lets put it in the fuckin closet

92. Do you want to get married?

No