#Saurons Evening Routine

[moringottocake]

Mairon's Evening Routine

19:00 Post-council apéro* with Melkor, Thuri, as well as Gothmog, if they are available

20:00 Dinner with Melkor and others

21:30 Stroll around Utumno/Angband to check on everyhting and everyone.

22:30 Skincare routine and a soak in the Lava tub

23:00 Meditation and idea-journalling

23:30 Go to bed with Melkor who has his nap-time at the same time, so they can go to bed together.

00:00 Sleepy time

_______

*Cultural note: In our day and age, Apéro can be described as something like the "cocktail hour of the wider Alpine region" with (sparkling) wine, mixed drinks like sprizes, and little snacks. It's popular in e.g. France, south-western-Germany, Switzerland, Luxembourg, and maybe parts of northern Italy.

In my head canon Melkor and Mairon invented it, as their alternative to the Valars times for Miruvórë. Also, Melkor prefers heavy red wines, no matter what time of the day.

[askereiniongilgalad]

Greetings your highness, I wanted to ask what is your morning routine.

Greetings, my friend! My morning routine. let’s call it the calm before the storm.

I rise with the sun, or more accurately, I roll out of bed as it’s creeping over the horizon. (Who really enjoys waking up early? Even when you’re the High King of the Noldor, it’s still a battle. 🛏️☀️)

First, a moment of reflection, or, more realistically, me dramatically staring into the distance and muttering, “Valar, if you’re listening, just one peaceful day. No chaos, no drama. Please? Please? I’ll even take half a day.” Spoiler: I never get it. 🙄🙏

Then comes tea, strong enough to wake the dead and possibly intimidate a Balrog ☕🔥. It’s the only thing that makes me semi-functional before I get ambushed by Galadriel’s latest “I’m going to kill Sauron” plan and Elrond, pacing around looking at me like he’s got twenty different solutions to problems I didn’t even know I had.

After tea, time for stretches and exercise (yes, I stretch. No, you don’t get to see that). How else do you think I manage all of this?

Next comes a bath, and robes, because yes, I do need to look and smell like a king after all. 🛁✨ Even gold robes don’t work magic alone, you know. Honestly? Today, I seriously considered just walking into council wrapped in a gold towel, throwing my arms out, and declaring, “Deal with it. 😏👑” Then, I’d leave them to faint in silence. Maybe tomorrow.

Then comes breakfast—fruit, toast, maybe a pastry if I’m feeling dangerous (because who doesn’t love a little rebellion before the day kicks into gear?). 🍎🍞🥐  It’s basically fuel for the soul-crushing review of the council’s agenda, which is always 90% problems I didn’t cause but am still somehow responsible for fixing.

Finally, I put on my crown, stride out like the High King I am, fully dressed, tea in hand, and ready to face whatever chaos anyone throws my way. Because let’s be real: I’m Gil-galad, High King of the Noldor. I don’t just survive the day: I own it. This kingdom, this crown, this chaos—it’s mine. And as long as I’m alive, Middle-earth can rest easy knowing I’m here, keeping it all together… with style. 😌✨

[reverieparacosm]

hi! could you please write yandere!sauron x fem reader hcs? maybe sauron had a dream of this woman who fulfills a prophecy he read that would make him more powerful so he sends his minions to bring her to him and when he meets her there is a magical bond between them and he is obsessed with her

Prophecy: Yandere!Sauron x F!Reader

Warnings: Yandere, possessive behaviors, manipulation, gaslighting, kidnapping, slavery, (Sauron is already a red flag -)

Note: Your wish is my command! I am weak for Yandere Sauron.

Remember kids - please do not enslave people just because you saw them in dreams

Sauron's thirst for power is unending

As the Dark Lord of Mordor, he is always on the lookout for ways to increase his influence and rule over Middle-Earth

One night, he is visited by a vision of a woman who would help him fulfill a prophecy that would grant him even more power. This vision ignites a fiery determination within him, and he sets his minions on the task of finding her and bringing her to him

His servants search far and wide, but the woman is elusive and hard to find. Months pass without success, but finally, one of his minions stumbles upon her during a routine scouting mission

He brings Sauron the news, and the Dark Lord is overjoyed. He immediately orders his minions to keep a close eye on her and bring him regular reports

But Sauron's desire for this mysterious woman grows stronger with each passing day. He wants her for himself, and orders his minions to bring her to him

She is everything he has hoped she would be - powerful and capable of fulfilling the prophecy. The moment they meet, Sauron feels a magical bond between them that he has never experienced before. He is immediately obsessed with her, unable to tear his eyes away from her

With a single glimpse, he is captivated by her beauty. So much so that he takes her face in his hand before she has even noticed his presence. His ice-cold mental glove caresses her cheeks and he absorbs every delicate detail, leaving her with an unsettling sensation

When she turns her head to the side, Sauron becomes more aggressive. He grabbs her chin with one hand and held her neck with the other, forcing her to look into his eye

Despite being an evil, dark lord with a reputation for cruelty, he develops a soft spot for her

He tells his minions not to harm her and threatens those who do with severe punishment. He does not want to lose her or drive her away, for he knows that she is the key to fulfilling his ultimate goal - becoming the most powerful being in Middle-Earth

"I would rather burn the world than see it harm you."

Sauron spends every waking hour with her, pouring his heart and soul into their relationship. He is desperate to learn everything he could about her, her abilities, and her place in the grand scheme of things. He is certain that she is the one he has been seeking for so long, the one who would help him achieve true greatness

As the days pass, the bond between them only grows stronger, and Sauron's obsession with her only deepens. He knows that the prophecy is within his grasp, and he would do whatever it takes to fulfill it with her by his side

The woman is initially reluctant to trust Sauron. But as he charms her with his words and gifts, she begins to fall under his spell

Sauron soon begins to see the woman as his property and becomes increasingly possessive and demanding. He expects her to devote all of her time and energy to him, and becomes violent when she tries to resist

"Your heart beats in harmony with mine, the two inextricably linked in a bond so strong that no other force can break it. You are mine, and I am yours, our destinies intertwined forevermore."

Sauron is constantly monitoring the woman, using magic to invade her thoughts and dreams. He knows her every move and thought, and he uses this knowledge to control her

Sauron revels in her obedience, especially when she sits at his feet as he holds court with his many war generals. It is a constant reminder of his power over her, and he loves having her as his symbol. Even when he is deep in conversation, he still takes a moment to stroke her hair, relishing in her submission. He senses the tension in her body, and it only increases his satisfaction

"There is no one like you, my beautiful darling. The way you bend to my will pleases me greatly. You are a constant reminder of the power I have over you, and it thrills me to no end. Even in the midst of battle, I cannot help but take a moment to stroke your hair, relishing in your submission. Your body trembles with tension, and it only increases my satisfaction. Never forget who you belong to. I am your master, and you will forever be my symbol."

The woman is conflicted about Sauron's behavior, but she is unable to resist the powerful bond between them. She tries to convince herself that she can change him, but as time goes on, she realizes that he is too deeply engrained in his dark ways to change

If she tries to escape, Sauron would likely use his powerful magic to track her down and capture her

He would stop at nothing to keep her under his control. If the woman manages to escape his grasp, Sauron would likely become more obsessed than ever, and he would use all of his resources to find her and bring her back to him. He would stop at nothing to keep her by his side, even if it meant using his most dark and nefarious tactics to do so

"You are my most prized treasure, my greatest possession. No one on this earth or beyond it will ever take you away from me. Our love is eternal, a bond that cannot be broken or tarnished by any force in existence."

[greenleaf4stuff]

In Convenience - Chapter 3, part 1

Adar x Celebrimbor (silverscars) political marriage to marriage of love AU, post story snippet 3, part 1. Celebrimbor and Adar ponder a certain part of the everyday routine they had previously established in Adar’s camp, and find that they both miss it.

(all previous parts of "Of Convenience" and "In Convenience")

The two previous chapters were mostly focused on the two lovebirds, in this one there is a bit more (inter)action again. A mix of fluff and humor, and yes there is also a bit of progression in here as well. This one is the first of three parts, so I hope you will have fun reading this the next three days. Big Thank You again to everyone who reads, likes, reblogs and/or comments. <3 Enjoy!

Another day stuffed to the brim with tasks. Celebrimbor groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, hand on his hip, as he stood in the middle of the uruk camp. Maybe he had been naive to think that things would in fact quiet down after Sauron’s defeat. Case in point, he felt as if he’d rarely been so busy in the last few centuries as he had been those last couple of weeks.

The peace talks had finally reached a tentative conclusion, the only thing left was putting it all into writing and for Gil-Galad, Adar, and also Celebrimbor to sign the documents. Elrond had worked himself ragged trying to pen the treaty, while Celebrimbor and Adar had done their best to inform their people of the proceedings and what the treaty’s contents would mean for them.

Cleaning up the forge in the tower had been promising in terms of progress as well; it seemed that perhaps, they might not have to tear this part of the tower down after all. But it would indeed require extensive repairs, and the smith and his assistants wouldn’t be able to work in it for the next weeks, if not months.

(Mirdania had been the one to point out the repairs might actually be a good thing. It meant that the forge would not look the same as it had originally, and therefore, might not contain the same, awful memories. It made the news far easier to accept.)

There was also that other matter that remained, which the Lord of Eregion didn’t even want to ponder anymore. The festivities, which still required so much planning and were also drawing ever closer and closer. He quickly brushed the reminder from his mind.

Adar, too, was similarly busy in the uruk camp, from what Celebrimbor could tell – there were a lot of considerations about how it had been set up, whether or not some of the uruk might permanently establish themselves in the forest or not.

How soon Adar would return to Mordor.

The latter was still a point that the smith tried not to consider too closely. Both him and Adar were beholden to their people first and foremost, and Mordor was still in its infancy in terms of structures, buildings and organisation.

He and Adar were working on an arrangement that would hopefully ensure that they could both still spend as much time together as possible; they hoped they might be able split their time between both places and travel from Eregion and Mordor or the other way around every few weeks, while leaving stewards installed that would oversee the political comings and goings in their stead while they were gone.

The smith was still working up the courage to tell Elrond about this plan. He knew the peredhel was not exactly keen on leading a region or even a city, despite Gil-Galad’s unshakable trust in his character and skill. Maybe, having him be a steward for a few weeks at a time – and giving him the option to step away if the position truly did not agree with him – might be a good way to open Elrond up to the idea.

Likewise, Adar was having similar plans for Glûg, though he’d been far quicker to speak with his lieutenant. Glûg had certainly been blindsided by the suggestion, and incredibly awed. Both Adar and Celebrimbor had no doubts he would take well to the task, was in fact craving the chance to prove himself and implement his own ideas, politically as well as in regards to planning out Mordor’s development.

The fact that Adar valued his opinions and his standing among their kin in such a way was a huge point of pride for the uruk, visibly so, and he had since begun to shadow Adar on his walks through the camp and even into Ost-In-Edhil, eager to learn from him.

To the elf’s surprise, Glûg had asked Celebrimbor for advice as well.

"You have lead a city for much longer than Adar has had Mordor," he had reasoned, looking a little intimidated – not due to the elf, but because of the task that laid before him...at least the Lord of Eregion hoped as much. "I think you have knowledge he might not be able to provide."

It had made the elf smile brightly and nod in enthusiasm. The uruk’s trust was unexpected, but very welcome. "Of course, I will try my best to help."

Still, with all those things slowly coming together, it meant the sheer amount of work and responsibilities did not lessen.

Which was how Celebrimbor found himself, exhausted and wishing for a cup of tea, in the middle of the uruk camp.

"Is everything alright?" Gurlak asked worriedly as she stood next to him. The elf lifted his face and looked at her; he hadn’t had nearly as much time to talk with the uruk smith as he would have liked, after the Deceiver had been defeated. Celebrimbor had tried to rectify this by visiting her to further improve her forge, but it seemed both the general stress and his antics had gotten to him more than he’d anticipated.

He tried to give her a reassuring smile and clasped her shoulder. "Yes, yes – I’m sorry, I think the day has just been...quite long, for me," he looked at his work, and decided not to pull on his gloves again, or pick up his tools once more for that matter. If he continued in this state, he was likely to make a mistake sooner or later. "I think it might be a good idea to stop here for today, and continue tomorrow, if that suits you?"

She gave him a curt nod and a smirk, before she patted his shoulder. The strength of her arms caused him wheeze. "Don’t you worry, elf. Ain’t like the forge has got legs and will walk off if we leave it alone for a day, huh?"

Celebrimbor laughed in response and straightened. "That is indeed very true, Gurlak." He went to put the tools and protective garments away as he heard her speak up behind him again.

"Lord Father," it was said in deference, but there was a certain amount of cheekiness to the uruk smith’s words. When Celebrimbor turned around, he could see her smirking as her eyes moved between Celebrimbor and his husband, who had just arrived at her smithy and was waiting patiently for the elf to emerge. "Just at the right time."

Adar raised an eyebrow at her words. "Greetings, Gurlak," he threw a glance at Celebrimbor. "What do you mean?"

She smirked. "Your elf is getting a little-"

"What Gurlak is saying is, I needed a break anyways," the elf quickly interjected, and looked imploringly at the uruk smith as he walked towards Adar. Gurlak’s special flavor of care was just as appreciated as Adar’s concern, but he feared her exaggerations would unneccessarily worry his husband.

She, however, seemed to have a different opinion. Whether she was teasing him, or was genuinely worried herself, he couldn’t quite be sure. Possibly a mix of both.

She looked at Adar instead, expression conspiratorial, and then continued as if Celebrimbor hadn’t spoken. "Tired. I think he’s tired. You might want to take him back to his city so he can sit down and grab a bite to eat."

The Lord Father of the uruk hummed and tilted his head at her, before his gaze turned to the elf, who felt unfairly outnumbered.

"It’s not nearly so bad, I assure you," he grumbled half-heartedly. "Though, food actually sounds like a lovely idea."

The Lord Father of the uruk received him with a small look of fondness and a touch to Celebrimbor’s arm, before the two of them turned to leave. As the elf bade Gurlak goodbye, she just smirked at them and shook her head, before she turned back and focused on her forge once more.

"Before you ask, I am in fact quite alright, if a little exhausted. Nothing a cup of tea and a good meal can’t fix, I am sure." A pause. Celebrimbor found himself fiddling with the braided wedding ring on his right hand. "Hopefully we won’t get overwhelmed with yet more responsibilties this time. Or interrupted before we can finish eating."

Mealtimes in Eregion usually took place not just among the two of them, and had quickly become yet another occassion during which tasks were discussed; usually those of a diplomatic nature. While this was quite pragmatic, it did nothing to help Celebrimbor with his slowly-mounting fatigue.

A little peace and quiet would do wonders for him, but alas, rejecting Gil-Galad’s offer of a communal meal and then asking for his husband to be excused as well, just so they could have some more time together – it would likely not go over too well. Even with all the amount goodwill the two of them had been bestowed upon by Gil-Galad, Galadriel and Elrond each.

"Indeed," Adar replied, and sounded like he too was not looking forward to another mealtime in Ost-In-Edhil. Celebrimbor couldn’t blame him.

Adar’s gaze was firmly fixed onto the camp around them, turning his head this way and that as he watched the uruk move about and work. Ever the Lord Father, his thoughts were with his children. The smith had no doubt that his husband was currently running the numbers on various supplies, or was considering whether a certain structure would need reinforcements to weather the next rainfall.

He, too, looked tired.

"Have you even had the chance to sit down once, today?" Celebrimbor asked, gently – now getting worried himself.

In the distance, he could see Glûg leaning against a stack of wood as he, too, studied the surrounding camp. Thankfully, it seemed as if he hadn’t caught sight of them yet. The elf hoped to have a few more minutes of quiet conversation before the near-frantic pace of the day would demand both of their full, undivided attention again.

The uruk stopped, and the two of them slowly turned towards each other. Adar’s expression was unimpressed. "I was about to ask you the same. You look dead on your feet."

"Thanks," Celebrimbor quipped, huffed, and then gave Adar a tired smile to show he was merely joking. "My day has been very busy, to say the least. The prospect of having to brave the remaining time till we might reteat to our quarters again is...quite daunting."

Adar hummed, and took a quick glance around the camp once more. There was something almost forlorn in his eyes.

Suddenly, he spoke up. "I find myself missing them, you know," then he paused, and turned back to Celebrimbor. "The evenings we spent together in this camp, before we managed to win back your city."

The elf instantly knew what Adar was referring to. He was sure his own expression showed the wistfulness that overcame him, before it turned to appreciation. The corners of his mouth lifted as he thought back on his time among the uruk.

"I do so as well, truth be told," he risked another joke. "The potatoes were quite excellent."

Adar snorted and lightly shook his head, but the quirk to his own lips betrayed the fondness he felt. "I see not enough time has passed to endear you to the pickles."

Celebrimbor drew a face. "I’m afraid that would be a thing of impossibility." He sighed, and grew more serious. "But I mean it, I do in fact miss the meals in our tent as well. I quite enjoyed our conversations."

One of his lips quirked up further than the other, and he lightly tilted his head. "I might have also quite enjoyed the chance to look at you, with how at ease you were."

Adar’s mouth threatened to turn into a smirk just as they heard loud clattering behind them; Celebrimbor could see that Glûg’s spear had toppled over, causing part of the wood stack he had leant against to collapse. The uruk was loudly cursing as he beheld the mess, still none the wiser that his Lord Father was so close by.

Adar raised an eyebrow at his lieutenant’s antics, then focused on Celebrimbor again. "I always felt relieved, coming back to our tent at the end of the day. You made no demands of me – and spoke with me as an equal, unafraid and honest. It was...special, after such a long time as a leader, and little else."

Celebrimbor’s expression must have turned particularly soft at those words, as the uruk lowered his own eyes and then looked off to the side, still unused to their intimacy at times. It held its own kind of charm, in the elf’s opinion. "And I might have enjoyed hearing your opinions too. As well as taking you in at my leisure."

The smith raised his own eyebrows as he smiled, then smirked. "So you did try to steal glances at me. And here I was, thinking I was seeing things that were not-"

"As did I," the uruk replied, tone quiet. "As did I."

The smith would have liked to share more of his thoughts with the other, but a loud voice and quick footsteps alerted them both to the fact that they had been spotted after all.

"Adar!" Glûg called and hurried towards them. As Celebrimbor turned in the direction from which the uruk approached, he looked over the lieutenant’s shoulder and saw Gurlak, standing at the stack of wood and watching them. A few of her fellow uruk smiths and two guards stood with her.

All of them were looking in their direction. It was a bit eerie, to say the least.

For the lack of anything else to do, the elf raised his hand in greeting and gave them a curt nod with a brief smile. Despite the fact that he and Gurlak just parted ways a little while ago.

Once again, the uruk smith’s face carried a look of mischief, and she winked at Celebrimbor before she shooed away the little group surrounding her, leaving her to stroll after them.

Huh. Strange.

The elf turned back to the conversation at hand that had just begun between Adar and the most trusted of his children.

"-need you both to look at something," he caught the end of Glûg’s sentence. The uruk looked a bit twitchy, though perhaps that was due to his mishap with the wood stack that had just occured.

Adar, for his part, looked worried more than anything. "What is it, Glûg? Has anyone gotten hurt?" Truly, Adar deserved his name, with how much he cared about his children and their wellbeing.

Glûg shook his head, quick to dispel the notion, before he stepped back and motioned with his arm for the two of them to follow him. "Nothing like that, but I have been told it is urgent. They need your prescence," he looked at Celebrimbor. "Both of yours."

The smith straightened in surprise. Now he, too, was getting worried. The fingers of his left hand found his wedding ring once more, which he spun about his index finger. "Both of us?" He turned to Adar, then to Glûg again. "I am not sure of how much help I could possibly be, for whatever problem has arisen. But I will of course try my best to assist," he offered. Apart from providing materials and people, the only real support he could offer consisted of forge work.

"It’s about the tarps," Glûg said cryptically, "They need help with the tarps."

Celebrimbor looked up at the sun tarps, which covered the various paths in between the tents and sheds in the camp, almost like a canopy. His and Adar’s people had both fashioned them and then put them up all over the encampment in a joint effort between the two factions, one that had borne incredibly good results. The uruk had a much easier time moving about now, less reliant on cloudy days or using coats to cover themselves and protect their skin from getting burned.

A formidable result for sure, but not one he had been much involved in, truth be told. What could the uruk possibly hope to gain from his presence?

Adar looked equally skeptical, but he simply motioned Celebrimbor to follow along with a tilt of his head. The elf, who could rarely deny his husband anything, followed his silent request without a second thought.

"Take us there," the leader of the uruk ordered his lieutenant, who bowed before he spun around and showed them the way.

Despite the apprehension, Celebrimbor couldn’t help but sigh internally. As much as he dreaded another round of not-quite-negotiations over dinner, the chance to sit down and enjoy some food had actually been something he’d have looked forward to.

Alas, it did not seem like he and Adar would have any respite before the next meal. If they even made it back in time, since Glûg’s reaction made it seem like this mysterious concern of his might require more time and attention than a mere, quick glance.

Adar discreely caught the elf’s hand as they walked after Glûg with brisk steps. When Celebrimbor looked over, the uruk threw him an understanding, but grateful glance, and squeezed the elf’s hand before he let it go again. A silent thanks.

The smith smiled and inclined his head. Of course.

Their eyes sadly did not have more time time to linger, as Glûg ushered them along with another motion of his arm and an instruction to hurry.

[junk-whunk-punk]

I sm love your art. What about some Sauron and Witch-king next? 👀 it's not like he is totally my second favorite ship for Sauron. I'm asking for a friend.

graaa oh u sneaky one OVERSWEETING ME HERE AGAIN!! THANKKKK UUUUU

aaaaa i honestly didn't think much about my Sauron with Nazgul🫠 i'm stuck in his "Darkest Lord's lieutenant" era, sooo there is more of Ang-gang (shh keep silence about Tyelpë hanging there with them) stuff here in ma head... it WAS so...

...cuz after Mai's lucky hunt on Murazor collab comic with @ttrtru i got a huge realization like how tf can i call maself Sawhoreon fan while I NEVER EVEN SHOWED HIM AS THE DARKEST LORD. NOT JUST DARK. BUT DARKEST. MAIN EVIL ASS. seems like it's something good to work on soon. LET'S GET MILKER RETIRED and MAI FULLY RESPONSIBLE FOR CHAOS👹

p.s. btw @ttrtru made the HELL OF A SNACK HERE with their Murazor and my Mai doing average alpha male routine🤌 so if u r willing to taste some yummy Sauhobo x Angmar ass be welcome there with knife and fork (i dont draw them banging only out of respect for ttrtru i swear)

so yee!!! ur ask is cool cuz it feeds ma cursed imagination THANK U SO MUCH U HELP ME TO DEVELOP ALL MA SHIT😭💕

[mai-komagata]

like of course sauron made galadriel's armor but also its not that a wedding dress or symbolic in a romantic sense (it's symbolic in other senses, just not in a heteronormative sense).

there are two things that define sauron above all else and that is blacksmithing and giving gifts. even before he did illusions he did that. boy goes to any city and if he can walk he finds a forge. he is a celebrimbor stan. he will limp to that forge. he has forging hyperfixation. you can't stop him from forging things. and he will give gifts, that is what he does. sure those gifts sometimes have strings attached like rings that enslave you to the unseen world but you know, he likes forging and giving things out. the world will be burning and he'll make a thing.

(like i dont want to be like the sauron reveal in season 1 was obvious -- like, i mean it *was* -- but i saw him and was like, well that boy is obsessed with blacksmithing that is sauron. he made it his entire personality. )

anyway. armor is beautiful and adorns her beautifully. Only the best for his beloved toys. He is known as the giver of gifts for a reason, he has to give her something to entice her. You cant convince her only she can destroy Sauron if she is dressed in a chiton for battle! Love bombing is step 1, and giving gifts is part of this. And it makes so much sense with Galadriel's deflection later on: he offered me an army -- well he armed his general, that was his gift to her, to make her feel that way again (at what cost?). As he should. It's a way of building that dependence and connection, to show he is not just any man and he alone can bring her renown. Giving items that are there to bring victory in battle is very Sauron.

[disclaimer--sauron is a manipulative abusive bastard and i like it as a dark manipulative ship. also he aint settling for one plaything, he loves all his toys and routinely builds them up then violates and breaks them. this is not anti galadriel x sauron just anti soulmates/anti wedding imagery/anti halbrand is different than sauron].

[marchwardenofmordor]

More storyline stuff about Aldros Caradoc, who will be written into my fic.

The Bastard of Maedhros

The circumstances of his birth are entirely unknown. Some say he was conceived by the body of Sauron in fair feminine form by Maedhros, and some say that he was brought to Mordor and abandoned, left to Sauron.

In either case, his father is most certainly Maedhros, but he does not know this. He does not know how he came to be in Mordor, for all he has known, maturing, is that Sauron was a mother.

Not a caring mother, nor a nurturing, kind mother, but still an oddly good mother, for Sauron could not stand the thought of being bad at any given task.

His form was changed, to nurse the infant Aldros at his breast, his earliest memories being of curling his fingers in red hair like his own, suckling at a golden teat, and of a larger elf, pale as the moon, not knowing whether to play with him or rip him to shreds. And finally, of a great black shadow, larger than both, with memories he has blacked out of his mind, albeit the pain.

The pain of being an experiment, a bastard runt that nobody would miss if he lived or died, infused with the blood of dragons, little veins writhing with hellfire.

The antichrist who never was.

And perhaps there was an odd sort of tenderness in Sauron, after the demise of Morgoth, where, as Aldros matured, though his copper hair was of Maedhros, and his draconic eyes were of his mutations, he bore a striking resemblance to a young Mairon, and as such, the dark lord took a strong possessiveness over him, confining the half-elf child to a tower for almost two centuries.

Never socialised. Never experiencing love, nor loss, nor attraction, nor repulsion. Only Aldros, and his dragons, the fellbeasts.

He never slept in a bed - as a child, he was placed upon wolfskins before a fire, and as an adolescent, he took to the fellbeast pens, sleeping alongside his avian-reptilian brothers, one of which had been a gift to him upon its hatching, whom he named ‘Aeryanrhod’ and had nurtured and raised himself, speaking only in dragon-tongue.

He did not speak at all, unless to these beasts, even to his own ‘mother’, and averted his eyes wherever possible, refusing to see into the depths of another’s soul for fear of what he might behold.

The poor child was a wretched thing, sickly and scaled, nonverbal and socially inept, and yet…

He was brilliant. Cunning of mind and sharp of instinct, sound of logic and ambitious as the young Mairon himself, valuing order and routine.

The fellbeasts and fire-drakes were of particular interest to him, first and foremost because they were his only company, and more so still, because they fascinated him. They recognised him as one of their own, if not for his peculiar appearance, then for his smell, for he was, through and through, a dragon in a half-elf’s skin.

It was through this innate ability that he blossomed into something beautiful, forming such a bond with the creatures that they seemed to be almost one when he rode on dragon-back, yet still, the claws of Sauron dragged him home, for the dark lord wished to live through him, to live out his fair days as Mairon, with Aldros’ face.

Whilst this was relatively comfortable, or rather mildly uncomfortable, for a while, Aldros knew that one day, Sauron would slaughter him, for the closure of the loss of Mairon, killing that which was both his prized possession and his most eligible heir, for Sauron wished not to share his power, nor live with a constant reminder of that which he could have been. Vibrant. Youthful.

And so Aldros fled Mordor on the back of Aeryanrhod, clutching one of the last dragon eggs to his breast, warmed by his body, yet needing smouldering coals. All this, and more, with a burning vengeance in his heart, for he was, all things considered, still a child of Sauron, and possessed an eerie degree of Mairon’s personality within himself, and so said he; “When I find my wretch of a father, it will be of great satisfaction to me to feed him to my dragons, and so watch them draw and quarter him.”

[aylen-san]

Welcome to my reality. No, not the one where I tower in horror over Middle-earth with the last armies of orcs and a darkness that envelops all life. Today's reality is far more... modern. If someone had told me thousands of years ago that I would one day be in an ordinary apartment with a cup of coffee in hand, surrounded by the blue-white glow of monitors, I would have laughed. But now? Now this is my life.

Morning, as it is: a debrief with coffee Oh, that sweet awakening. The alarm clock rings. My eternal wrath could destroy it, but why? It's all part of the modern routine. I, Sauron, the great lord of evil, now wake up not to an army but to the sound of a smartphone alarm, so I can sit at the kitchen table and pour myself a coffee—strong, black, like my view of the world.

Ah, coffee. Perhaps in the modern era, it's the bitterness that I find appealing. Every morning, it's a ritual: I sit in front of the computer, scrolling through social media and the news. The design here is actually quite inspiring: black screens, white letters. It all feels so office-cold that I involuntarily smile. "News from Mordor" could be a popular blog.

Remote work, same old job: Zoom meetings and evil schemes How times have changed, haven't they? In my past, I led armies in person, standing at the front lines. And now... now I spend most of my day in Zoom meetings. Yes, even the Dark Lord has to deal with modern bureaucracy. Orcs need management, tasks need assigning, KPIs are sacred. Technology has made my dark work more sustainable.

— "Urgash, what’s going on with the weapon shipment? Why don’t we have the third-quarter report on the allocation of eastern lands?" I ask with cold resolve, looking into the camera, only to hear confused muttering in response.

Orcs, of course, can’t handle Google Sheets. But what can you do? Routine.

Office equipment and old habits My workspace is a modern masterpiece. Cold-lit lamps, an ultramodern laptop with a keyboard glowing with a faint, almost infernal light. All this allows me to devise new plans to conquer Middle-earth with high efficiency. Software? Oh, trust me, even a palantír would envy the power of my server.

But some habits remain unchanged. A glance at a smoldering notepad reminds me of runes and ancient spells. I wonder if I could code the way I once cast curses—would I be able to create a virus to take over the entire internet? Then again... no, we’ve seen where that leads. And if the system crashes, I’m not ready to lose my bookmarks.

Lunch breaks: yes, even dark lords need to eat Ah, lunch breaks. They’ve become part of modern Sauron’s life. Don’t think I’ve lost my taste for brutal bloodshed. No, that’s in the past. Now my lunch consists of something more grounded. A cold salad, maybe a couple of sandwiches, and, of course, another cup of coffee. Only the grim taste of dark bread reminds me of the old days.

— “Delivery for Mr. Sauron?” — a knock at the door. Naturally, food delivery. Even cuisine today has become a sort of twisted pleasure. Strange. The once elegant culinary masterpiece—roasted flesh—is now replaced by avocado toast. Though, to be honest, they’re quite good.

Fitness by the call of darkness Of course, physical fitness is as important for a Dark Lord as for any modern mortal. A treadmill awaits me in the bathroom. No, I don’t go outside. Mordor is still a long way from glamorous park trails. Still, if I must exist in this new, modern world, I can at least maintain my strength. Cardio is power, they say. Power? Ha! Let them know power when I’m in full battle form.

After the run—a few minutes on the punching bag. No, I haven’t lost my skills! Even in a world where leaders rule through screens, old methods still work. Deep down, I’m still ready to crush anyone who dares stand in my way.

Evening leisure: shows and dark conspiracies What else to do in the evening, when the office lights dim? Of course, watch shows. Oh, how elegantly modern shows portray power dynamics. My streaming subscriptions are quite diverse: from Game of Thrones to dark detective stories. In these tales, I see myself—though in a much less epic form, it’s still satisfying to watch others make mistakes.

— "Seriously? Did you really think that conspiracy would work?" — I whisper as I watch yet another villain's plan fall apart. Perhaps, if they’d hired me as a consultant...

Reflections before sleep: what went wrong? When night falls and my monitors dim, I sit on the windowsill and look at the sky. No stars, of course—the city lights drown them out. Even in such a world, illusions of power and light don’t add true strength. I ponder how the world might have changed if my plans had worked out sooner. But then I realize that even in this new world, I can still become its lord.

Only now, my army will consist not of orcs but of fans, liking my posts and retweeting each of my new brilliant plans.

End of the day: Darkness will always find a way So, there you have it, a day in the life of Sauron in the modern world. Not so terrifying, you’d say? Oh, but what do you know? Even in this modern world, Darkness will always find its way. And while you think I’ve become but a shadow of the past, remember: I’m always watching you. Through your screens, through your reflection in darkened windows.

And who knows, maybe tomorrow, your alarm will ring just a bit too loudly...

[badwolf-gallagher88]

Day 15 - Delicious

There was nothing quite so delicious, Sauron decided, as watching one’s enemy struggling and in pain.

Especially if said enemy was a certain she-elf, her hair tumbling down her shoulders in golden braids.

Her swordsmanship was good - even if he had not been trying to use Morgoth’s crown as a weapon in its own right, he would have needed the accursed object as a shield. He very much doubted he would have been able to hold his own against the slash of her blade if he had not seen her fight in Númenor. If he did not have nearly every step of her training routine for the Sea Guard memorised.

As he matched her step for step, the realisation suddenly hit him. The reason why her pain was so tasteful, so delicious, was because he knew exactly how to inflict it upon her. 

He scrambled away, not wishing to combat her sword strokes as he made his next move. Slowly, Sauron began to change his face.

The face that turned back to meet Galadriel’s next cut was not as it had been. Instead, the King of the Southlands returned her blow. White scale armour covered his torso, fastened with brown leather straps. His shimmering blond hair had been replaced by shoulder-length waves, though he had removed the matted blood and sweat that usually coated his body. And his eyes - his eyes were no longer the pale blue of dusky skies, but the deepest, richest brown.

Once again, he was Halbrand.

Galadriel’s look brought pure joy to his heart. He watched the effects of his actions gleefully - the mix of pleasure and pain, lust and loathing, crossed her features in moments, yet each reaction was as rewarding as the next. 

He continued to meet the volley of her blows, but the effort it took lessened considerably. She didn’t want to harm him, he slowly realised, and a knowing smirk crossed his lips. 

He had made Halbrand more comely, he had to admit. Why not have fun when you have the power to do so? Based on Galadriel’s reaction, however, he need not have tried so hard.

He had never been entirely certain of how the she-elf had regarded him. Nor he her, when rarely he was entirely honest with himself. Sometimes he suspected Halbrand was as much a tool to her as she was to Sauron. She was desperate to avenge her brother, willing to make any sacrifice.

Their time in Númenor had revealed another side to Galadriel, however. She was desperate to defend her people, yes, but only because she cared.

He suspected she probably cared about Halbrand too, even if she was rather loathe to admit it.

Sauron continued to combat her blade, the victim of a new rush of anger. She was growing clumsy, his distraction paying off. The words had dried on his lips, but his thoughts were asunder. 

There was nothing so precious as victory to Sauron. Victory drew nearer.

Oh, but to taste it on his lips. Yes…

Its taste was so very delicious. 

[outofangband]

Complex trauma and Angband Series: Hygiene

Angband World Building and Aftermath of Captivity Masterlist

Torture, especially in the deliberate and political sense is designed to eradicate the victim’s sense of self by, among other things, stripping away one’s basic physical needs (food, water, hygiene, rest,) and one’s  basic emotional needs (safety, comfort, belonging, privacy, hope, and identity). It also seeks to damage the relationship that the victim has with these needs.

I have a specific post about privacy that will overlap with some of this

content warnings: general Angband warnings of Captivity and abuse, trauma after torture, etc

Hygiene in Angband is very minimal. The slaves who work in the mines and forges are afforded very little supplies for washing, perhaps a few cloths and run off water if any can be saved and hoarded. Again this is a combination of items sorted through prisoners who have been there for a long time and know what can be saved without punishment as well as supplies given by the overseers.

Prisoners who work in the fortress itself are sometimes allowed a bit more water to clean themselves, depending on where they work, how visible they are, and what role they primarily fulfill. Prisoners who are more clean are often the favorites of various higher-ups who have a vested interest in their appearance or who use access to supplies as coercive ‘rewards’  and thus cleanliness rather than the opposite becomes stigmatized in many ways. This will have more detail on my post about the elves of the upper levels. Sauron’s personal servants of course have a high standard of hygiene as do the elven healers.

Among the small population of human slaves, diseases of poor water, food, and crowded conditions are common There are certain afflictions even the elves are not entirely immune to.  There are healers among them but they too have little supplies and must improvise (and yes I have many ideas for how mushrooms, evil herbs, algae, and other Angband possible ingredients could be implemented)

Access to a proper toilet is also next to nonexistent in much of the fortress. Some of the cells have a bucket but it’s not a priority among the elven prisoners. The slaves in the mines often have nothing while they work and in the forges it’s only marginally better (if only because urine is potentially reactive to some of the substances there). This is consistently demoralizing and humiliating and the level of control over one’s bodily functions is frequently utilized for punishments and even games.

Only in the medical wings and among the personal prisoners of some higher ups is consistent access to a proper toilet the norm.

The effects of all of this are profound and long lasting. Inability to bathe not only is an exertion of control felt acutely by the prisoners, it also often relates to an inability to feel like oneself.

Following captivity, many struggle to integrate bathing and grooming into their routine. Some continue to associate beauty and cleanliness with its associations in Angband.

Just like with other activities it takes great will to make even seemingly simple decisions such as going to bathe. Many survivors of Angband experience a constant dread that they are out of place or will be caught out of place.

Not to mention other aspects of complex trauma such as depression and self image issues as well as physical symptoms like chronic pain can impact ability to care for oneself in this way.

My own headcanons regarding my case studies, Maedhros and Húrin (feel free to request more about this or other prisoners)

-In Angband, I do still enjoy the headcanon Maedhros is bathed primarily when he was presented for some public occasion in the beginning(even before the cliffs he is a trophy…) and it’s harrowing and mortifying and invasive and as much a form of abuse as anything else. Angband is talented at making even and especially the most simple things into a horrible ordeal. This isn’t a common occurrence but it was enough to have an effect on his view of himself

-After Angband baths are very vulnerable especially and he has to relearn his right to privacy and this relates with self image issues. His view of himself is fragmented and he does not recognize his reflection.

-It takes awhile before the image of someone clean and put together in clothes he chose begins to feel like his own.

-The severe physical consequences of his time on Thangorodrim make this harder in the beginning too

-Húrin cares very little for his appearance after his release though at times suffers sensory flashbacks that lead him to try to wash away phantom touches, sometimes to the point of opening old scars.

[shadowphoenixrider]

Listen to Your Heart (1/3)

(Shadow tries to get used to her new life outside of the X-Mansion, but can she really go back to how things were? Especially when her heart yearns something - or someone - else. Things are about to reach criticality, and only the person closest to her can get Shadow back on the right path.)

I know there's something in the wake of your smile, I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah, You've built a love, but that love falls apart, Your little piece of Heaven, turns too dark

---

The weeks after I left the X-Men slowly blended into a grey slurry. I returned to my parents' place, and also to my original hospital lab job - it seemed Professor Xavier's 'death' had caused the higher ups to grant us mutants some grace, and they suspended the investigation against me. Luckily, despite living in the mansion, I'd avoided the Sauron gaze of the media, and the hospital administration had been so busy with the paperwork around my case that the bloodwork to 'prove' if I were mutant or not was never done. As far as they knew, I was still an unknown.

But the initial spark of working back in my field again waned fast, and I found myself missing Beast - his gentle manner, the classical music he'd play as background music as he worked, and just him in general. I might have been reinstated, but the atmosphere amongst my colleagues was decidedly frosty. Even those who had been ambivalent to me now side-eyed me warily, like I was a walking bomb. No-one was mean, and we were all polite to one another, but I was isolated and excluded, just like how I'd been in high school.

It all quickly degraded into routine - come in, do my hours, go home. I knew that my work was helping people in the hospital - diagnosing illnesses, checking drug effectiveness, the works - yet convincing myself of that was easier said than done. I felt a distinct sense of uselessness, something I hadn't when I was in the mansion - I was always helping the team in a small way, or mutants in general. Being able to heal them when they came back from missions just felt so much more directly meaningful than...this.

I yearned for the variety being with the X-Men had gifted me, their genial company and...and...

Gambit.

I missed all of them, but Gambit hurt the most. I missed his near constant presence near me - always keeping me company but never intrusive. I missed the mischievous spark in his beautiful red and black eyes when he was either teasing me or about to pull some prank, or even when he was just trying to make me laugh. I missed his cooking, the way he'd curiously read over my shoulders, how he'd drop everything to pet a cat, the beautiful smoothness of his accent, his touch over my skin. Our verbal spars, the way he'd flirt with me-

I missed him.

The heartbroken look on his face when I'd left haunted me, ripping that internal wound ever deeper. It was branded onto my memory, enough that I saw him in my nightmares, either begging me desperately to come home before he was yanked away from my reach, or I'd chase after him, needing help, and he'd turn away, eyes full of fire and pain and hurt. Mum would find me up late those nights, nursing a drink with the family cat staring at me in quizzical concern. She offered what comfort she could, but we both knew she couldn't fix what was broken.

One cool winter evening I came back from a late shift to an empty house; my parents were out for the day, and I was in charge of it and the cat until they came back. I had a shower and changed into more casual clothes, hurling my work stuff into the laundry basket. As I passed my parents' room, I noticed our cat Spock - a white and grey tabby-esque cat, sprawled out on the bed. He was curled up on his back, soft spotty belly bared to the world, one leg curled over his eyes, whilst his back feet were tucked up like a little rabbit.

Seeing him like this made me smile. Until the thought suddenly occurred to me:

Gambit would have loved to meet you.

It was just a little fleeting thought. But something about it pierced the dam that had kept everything locked up inside me, and the leak quickly became a flood that utterly drowned me. It was akin to grief - hitting me all at once, the sudden realization that the life I'd been leading, the life I'd wanted ever since I was a youngster at school, yearning for more, was now gone. And it was gone because of me. Because I'd failed.

And so were the friends I'd made, and the beautiful relationship I'd built with Gambit, a man I'd come to care for, who I'd, I'd...

I burst into tears.

In that moment, falling to my knees in an uncontrollable lament whose violent sobs shook my body down to its very core, fraying every seam that held me together, I felt completely and utterly alone.

"Mrra?" A soft chirrup and a small cool nose managed to bring a sliver of reality back to me - Spock sniffed me, his large yellow eyes wide and whiskers twitching. He'd come to me.

"Oh sweetheart..." I breathed, reaching out to stroke him. "I'm such a fucking idiot. I've ruined everything."

He didn't understand me, of course. He just started purring at my touch, gently headbutting me for more petting. As miserable as I felt, touching his soft fur provided some calm, grounding me. Just like, like...

Another wave of grief hit me, forcing me under. My shoulders buckled as I cried out, bending double on the carpeted floor, sending Spock skittering away.

No. No, I couldn't be alone in this house, not right now. I needed someone. Someone who understood what was going on.

Survival instincts kicked in, and I pulled myself to my feet, stumbling downstairs and grabbing the phone. I wiped my eyes once, twice, so I could see the phone numbers without the blur of tears, dialling a number that I was semi-familiar with.

As the dial-tone sounded out, I hoped and prayed he was there; I couldn't speak to anyone else. I just couldn't, I had nothing left.

"Hello?" The soft, gentle masculine voice washed relief through me. Thank God.

"El? It's me." I managed, my voice heavy with tears. "I-I'm sorry. I fucked it up."

"Do you need me to come over?" He asked.

"Please."

"Okay. I'll be right there. See you in a bit."

"See ya."

I put the phone down, took a breath, and walked to the small utility cupboard sequestered under the stairs. Ebak strode out the moment I opened the door, and wrapped me up in a hug, pulling me in close and tight. Another wave of tears overtook me, and I sobbed loudly, sagging into him.

"It's okay, Shadow. I'm here. I've got you."

I don't know how long we stayed like this, but at some point, we found ourselves sitting in the garden, the early winter night already starting to claim the day. It was one of the warmer evenings though, the chill not yet enough to sink into my bones.

Ebak turned to me, his hand hanging down to let Spock brush against it.

"What brought this on, Shadow?" He asked kindly. I looked at my feet.

"I...I just...I didn't realize what I had 'til it was gone, ya know?"

His black-brown eyes studied me for a long moment.

"Is this about being at the X-Mansion, or Gambit?"

I winced - trust him to go straight for the heart of the matter.

"I...both, I guess, but...yeah." I took a breath in and out. "It's Gambit, mainly. I..." The tears pricked at my eyes again, watching Ebak scratch under Spock's chin. "I miss him so much."

"...You didn't talk to him about the two of you, did you?" Ebak's tone was soft and gentle, but I felt the razor edge of accusation.

"I tried!" I cried, Spock darting away. "I swear! I tried after you told me to, b-but I was so scared, I couldn't get the words out!" I clenched my fists, digging my nails into my palms as if it'd help cling onto what little composure I still retained. "And then...then we didn't get another chance. O-Or it wasn't the right time, and now, now..."

My vision blurred as my eyes filled. Ebak shifted closer, his arm wrapping around my shoulders, pulling me close.

"Fuck, El, the look on his face when I was leaving..." I shook my head. "F-Fuck..." The tears left more tracks down my sticky cheeks, the scars of my sadness.

"Shadow..." Ebak asked me, his voice low and rumbling against my ear. "Do you love him?"

"I..."

Bright ruby eyes set in midnight black, the grin that would make them sparkle like stars. A hand to help me down and help me up. An arm around my shoulders, an embrace as I wept for a love lost. Cradling me close as everything was cold, so cold - warm gumbo, a thrilling laugh. Lips and hands and Cajun French, sparring, watching the swallows and the stars, his fingers tangled into mine.

Watching the rain fall in his arms, warm and safe. Smiles. Kisses. Touching our foreheads. Waking up beside him. A deep, steady heartbeat.

"Mon ombre."

"...Yes. I do."

Something clicked into place. Like a jigsaw puzzle, I suddenly saw the whole picture rolled out before me. And like a jigsaw, it'd been there the whole time, no matter how hard I'd try to pretend it was otherwise.

I loved him.

Ebak nodded slowly.

"Thought so."

I blinked at him, staring.

"Wait, what?"

"Oh come off it, Shad!" He gave me an exasperated look only a sibling could give. "Everyone saw you kissing him. You're not subtle." A smirk pulled at his lips. "I saw the way you looked at him when you thought no-one was watching you." His smile softened then. "And I saw the way he looked at you."

I wrapped my arms around myself.

"And I threw it all away." I mumbled quietly.

"You don't know that."

It was my turn to give Ebak a Look, only mine was exasperated confusion.

"How could I have not, leaving like that?!" I cried.

He looked to me, arching his scarred eyebrow, nonplussed.

"So you're going to sit here and mope, never knowing for sure if he's not waiting and hoping for you to come back?" He asked dryly.

"But-" My protestations were cut to the quick.

"Shadow, you can either stay here, forcing yourself to live a lie because you've convinced yourself you don't deserve it. Or you can grab life by the lapels and go back to him and tell him the truth of how you feel." Ebak spoke briskly in a tone that brokered no argument, holding my gaze with his own.

"You told me that your biggest regret with Tom was that you weren't brave enough to tell him that the two of you were on the rocks and that you should break up, inadvertently stringing him along when you should have walked away." I glanced away, guilt crawling over my skin. "Don't let this become your biggest regret with Gambit."

"What if it's too late, though." I replied, so softly it was almost a whisper. "What if I broke his heart when I left, a-and he doesn't love me anymore?"

"Shadow, stop." Ebak suddenly got up, turning around to grab my shoulders and force me to stare directly into his dark eyes. They were full of fire, like when he was about to step into an argument; his words just as lethal as his wrenches.

"Stop trying to talk yourself out of this. I know you're frightened, but it's better to know for sure than to be stuck constantly wondering if you made the right choice. And either way, it will work out for you. If he doesn't feel the same, fine. Well, not fine, but at least then you know, and you can start getting over him. Start again. But if he does...Well." Ebak smiled. "That'd be worth the risk, wouldn't it?"

I considered for a moment.

"...Yeah. I-I dunno about the others-" Ebak waved a hand, cutting me off.

"One thing at a time," he said. "You're not agreeing to go back to the X-Men. You're just getting answers about a very important question, and maybe putting things right. Besides, I don't think you'll really know what to do next until after this is sorted."

I nodded.

"Yeah. I think you're right."

"Alright then!" Ebak pushed himself up to standing, rubbing his hands together. "Now, where would Gambit be at this time of night, do you know?"

I blinked dumbly at him for a second before my brain caught up.

"Wha-wait, we're going to him now?!"

"Yeah!" Ebak said. "There's no time like the present!" He arched his eyebrow, giving me an infuriatingly knowing look. "Unless you want to delay and lose your nerve again?"

Embarrassed anger flashed in my belly, but only for a second. It hurt, because he was correct - putting it off is what got me into this situation in the first place.

"Ah, well," I got to my feet, striding into the house, "lemme at least leave a note for my parents. Case they come home and I'm not here."

"Sure." Ebak nodded. "Tell them to ring me if they're worried, I'll let them know if there's trouble."

I quickly grabbed a pen and scribbled down a quick note, telling them I was just going to sort something out at the mansion, and if I wasn't back by the time they were, I would be the next morning, as well as Ebak's contact details.

After placing it where it would be quickly noticed and washing my face in the kitchen sink, I returned to Ebak, who was fussing Spock again, scratching his fluffy cheeks. He looked up, gently shooing the cat inside and shutting the door.

"Alright. Any ideas where to start looking for the Cajun?" He asked.

"Ah," I frowned. "He gets around at night, it might be difficult...I know a place we could start, though."

Ebak opened his arms to me.

"C'mere. Tell me about it."

I stepped into his embrace, closing my eyes and resting my head on the shoulder by his good ear.

"There's a big lake with an even larger forest around it, a mix of conifer and deciduous trees. It should be around a five minute walk from the mansion? It's on the grounds. The lake has this wooden dock that stretches out into it, with a waterfall a little further out..."

"I got it." Ebak spoke. "Open your eyes."

I lifted my head, opening my eyes to see that we were in the forest, the darkness surrounding us, pierced by the light of the full moon. Stepping out from behind the fat conifer we'd appeared behind, I noticed the familiar, well-worn path through the trees.

"The lake should be along this path." I said, pointing.

"Then let's go see if you're right." Ebak gestured for me to lead the way, falling into easy step alongside me.

---

Listen to your heart, When he's calling for you, Listen to your heart, There's nothing else you can do, I don't know where you're going, And I don't know why, But listen to your heart, Before you tell him goodbye

-Listen to Your Heart, Roxette

(Next)

[verecunda]

8, 9, 10!

Thanks! :D Sorry for the delay - weekend turned out busier than I expected.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

I will die and decompose on the hill that Thingol doesn't deserve nearly the level of hate he gets in fandom. No, he is absolutely not a blameless cinnamon roll who did nothing wrong in his life, and like most of the characters who come to sticky ends, his downfall is partly spurred on by his own actions... but the hate seems disproportionate, especially when you consider that most of the fandom faves are routine mass-murderers. Yeah, I know, I know, "the war crimes are imaginary but my annoyance is real", but give the guy a break. He does actually try to learn from his mistakes, his relationship with Túrin is genuinely lovely, and he makes Dad jokes to put Nellas at her ease during the trial. He has lots of good qualities, too! And however insulting he was to the Dwarves, that's not exactly a great reason for them to turn round and straight-up murder him.

He's not even one of my top-tier faves, but geez, I see some takes on him that just have me sitting there like "um. what??"

9. worst part of canon

Of all the fandoms I consider myself in (or at least, hanging out on the fringes of), I will never, never forgive the writers of Hornblower for "Duty". What a horrible episode. Bleak, joyless, mean-spirited towards Bracegirdle and Styles in particular... ugh, I despise it.

10. worst part of fanon

ohohoho where to start? 😅 But tonight I'm going to say the blorbofication of Melkor. Forget the Ainulindalë, this is my villain origin story. Tolkien gives us this amazing villain, the personification of primordial evil, a fallen god full of arrogance and wrath and envy, who sows discord among the Elves so masterfully that they don't even know where it's originating - so masterfully even Fëanor, who hates him, still internalises his lies - who metes out the most horrific, calculated vengeance on Húrin, who even at the height of his evil is spiralling towards his downfall.

ALL THAT... and fandom goes "awww big dumb himbo king, totally useless, can't tell a lie to save himself, can't even tie his own shoelaces without Mairon there to help him" (often with an extra scoop of "Eru was sooo mean to him unu"). OH MY GOD I WANT TO BITE THINGS. I love Melkor, I love laughing at his Wile E. Coyote moments, I love that he genuinely trusts Sauron, there's so much going on with him, so why, dear God why, is he always reduced to this toothless, brainless chump?

...as you can see, I am completely normal and rational about this. 😅

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥

[freshpuns]

50+ Hilarious Lord of the Rings Puns That Will Have You Saying "My Precious!"

https://freshpuns.com/?p=1514 50+ Hilarious Lord of the Rings Puns That Will Have You Saying "My Precious!" Are you ready to laugh your way through Middle-earth? We’ve gathered the most precious collection of Lord of the Rings puns that’ll have you giggling from the Shire to Mordor. Whether you’re a casual fan or someone who speaks fluent Elvish, these wordplays are bound to rule them all! We know that even in the darkest of times, humor can be as powerful as the One Ring itself. That’s why we’ve scoured the realms of Middle-earth to bring you puns that would make even Gandalf crack a smile. From hobbit-forming jokes to elven wordplay, our collection offers the perfect escape into J.R.R. Tolkien’s industry through the lens of comedy. Table of Contents Toggle 10 Hilarious Puns About Lord of the Rings That Rule Them AllWhy Mordor Puns Are One Does Not Simply Walk Away FromMount Doom and Gloom WordplayEye of Sauron Seeing JokesPrecious Gollum Puns That Will Have You Ring-ing With LaughterMy Precious WordplaySméagol/Gollum Split Personality JokesHobbit-Forming Puns About Frodo and the Shire FolkHobbit Height HumorSecond Breakfast JokesWizard Wordplay: Gandalf the Grey Area of ComedyYou Shall Not Pass PunsMagical Staff JokesElven Elegance: Puns About Legolas and the ElvesPointy Ear PleasantriesDwarf-Sized Humor: Gimli and His Axe-cellent PunsOne Ring Puns to Rule Your ConversationFellowship of the Wordplay: Group Character PunsThe Whole FellowshipHobbit CompanionsThe Unlikely FriendshipMiddle-earth Miscellaneous: Geography and Object PunsGeography PunsObject PunsThe One RingArrows and ArcheryMines of MoriaEnts and TreesCharacter and Object InteractionsConclusion: Using These Puns on Your Unexpected JourneyFrequently Asked QuestionsWhat are Lord of the Rings puns?Why are hobbit-themed puns so popular?What makes Gollum good material for jokes?Are there puns about the One Ring?How do wizard-themed puns use Gandalf’s catchphrases?What type of humor do elf-themed jokes focus on?How do dwarf jokes portray Gimli’s character?What makes Fellowship group puns entertaining?Are there geography-based Lord of the Rings jokes?Why do fans enjoy Lord of the Rings humor? 10 Hilarious Puns About Lord of the Rings That Rule Them All Why couldn’t the Ring go to school? Because it was already being homeschooled in the Shire! Frodo’s educational journey took a different path than most, leading him all the way to Mount Doom instead of graduation. What do you call an elf who sings? A Middle-earthIdol! Legolas might have missed his true calling as a pop star with those perfect elvish vocals echoing through the forests. How does Gandalf keep his house cool? He uses Shadowfax! The wizard’s trusty steed doubles as an excellent cooling system when the summer heat hits Isengard. What’s Gollum’s favorite day of the week? Precioussday! He’s always looking forward to the day when he can spend extra time admiring his beloved ring. Why was Boromir always broke? Because he couldn’t resist saying “One does not simply walk into Mordor” to telemarketers! His famous catchphrase didn’t translate well to financial success. What do you call a hobbit thief? A Bilbo Baggins! The original burglar of the franchise certainly earned his reputation during the unexpected journey. How does Aragorn like his steak? Rarely seen, just like the true king of Gondor himself! He spent decades in hiding before revealing his royal identity. What’s Frodo’s favorite exercise? Ring-bearers! He’s been carrying that precious burden for so many miles that he’s developed quite the unique workout routine. Why couldn’t Saruman use his computer? Too many Palantir pop-ups! The seeing-stones of Middle-earth weren’t exactly user-friendly with their constant dark lord notifications. What do you call an orc’s favorite music? Heavy Mordor! These creatures definitely rock out to the darkest tunes while preparing for battle against the forces of good. Why Mordor Puns Are One Does Not Simply Walk Away From Let’s journey to the darkest area of Middle-earth humor where Mordor puns reign supreme. These jokes capture the essence of Sauron’s domain with clever wordplay that’ll have you laughing all the way to Mount Doom. Mount Doom and Gloom Wordplay Mount Doom serves as the perfect backdrop for some explosive humor. “Why did Frodo bring a ladder to Mordor? Because he wanted to take it to the next level.” This clever pun plays on both the physical challenge of climbing Mount Doom and the metaphorical concept of leveling up on a search. Frodo’s scheduling difficulties also make for excellent comedy material, as “he really struggled with ‘ringing’ in the new year!” The wordplay here connects his mission to destroy the One Ring with the common phrase about celebrating New Year’s Eve. Eye of Sauron Seeing Jokes Sauron’s all-seeing eye provides fertile ground for visual humor and observational comedy. “Sauron’s eye for detail is unparalleled,” which makes perfect sense considering his constant surveillance of Middle-earth. The Dark Lord’s focus also extends to comedy, as “Sauron’s eye is always on the pun-derful prize.” Picture the intimidating villain “cracking jokes about ‘ringing’ endorsements or ‘Gollum’ up on stage with a stand-up routine.” These puns transform the terrifying Eye of Sauron into a comically observant character with unexpected comedic timing. One does not simply walk into Mordor “without a map!” This twist on Boromir’s famous line reminds us that even in the darkest realms, there’s room for a lighthearted jab. Together, we can truly “‘Mordor’ anything” – including crafting puns that would make even the Dark Lord himself crack a smile. Precious Gollum Puns That Will Have You Ring-ing With Laughter Gollum might be one of the most tragic characters in Middle-earth, but his unique speech patterns and obsession with the One Ring make him perfect fodder for comedy. We’ve gathered some hilarious Gollum-themed puns that even the most serious Lord of the Rings fans will appreciate. My Precious Wordplay Looking for some Gollum-inspired humor to rule them all? Try these puns on for size: What’s Gollum’s favorite game? Hide and “Precious” seek! When Gollum tried to start a band, he named it “The Precious Stones.” Gollum’s fishing trips are quite the reel deal. Want to invite friends over for a LOTR marathon? Just say “Gollum all your friends over for a movie night!” Feeling stressed? Remember to “Gollum your worries away.” What’s Gollum’s favorite social media platform? Insta-gollum, where he can filter all his precious moments. Sméagol/Gollum Split Personality Jokes Gollum would make a terrible roommate—he always talks to himself during quiet hours. Why did the One Ring go to therapy? It had serious control issues with its relationship with Gollum. Sméagol and Gollum tried to sign up for a three-legged race, but they couldn’t agree on which direction to run. Dating profile status: “It’s complicated”—just like Sméagol/Gollum’s relationship with himself. Sméagol ordered one fish for dinner, but Gollum insisted they needed a second serving—talk about a split bill! Doctor asked Gollum how many voices he hears. Sméagol said “Just one.” Gollum disagreed. Hobbit-Forming Puns About Frodo and the Shire Folk The Shire’s beloved inhabitants provide perfect fodder for pun enthusiasts across Middle-earth. From Frodo’s culinary preferences to hobbit career choices, these wordplays will leave you chuckling like Merry and Pippin after raiding Farmer Maggot’s crops. Frodo’s Favorites: Frodo’s favorite dessert is a “fry” of the ring, and he also enjoys “ring”-pops for those sweet tooth cravings. Hobbit Adventures: What do you call a Frodo and Sam adventure? A “hobbit”-ual journey through Middle-earth’s most treacherous terrains. Hobbit Occupations: Why did Frodo open a bakery? To make “Middle-earthy” bread that satisfies even the hungriest of hobbits. Hobbit Gear: What do you call Frodo’s travel gear? A “hobbit”-sack packed with all the essentials for destroying powerful jewelry. Hobbit Income: Why did Frodo get a job? To earn a “hobbit”-al income to support his many meals throughout the day. Hobbit Height Humor Hobbits might be small in stature, but they’re giants when it comes to heart and humor. Their diminutive size provides endless opportunities for lighthearted jests that even Bilbo would appreciate. Let’s have a “hobbit” of fun with these short jokes that measure up to the highest standards of hobbit humor. Halflings may stand at half our height, but their courage and resilience throughout the journey to Mordor proves that great things truly come in small packages. Second Breakfast Jokes Middle-earth cuisine stands apart from other fantasy realms primarily due to the hobbit tradition of second breakfast and elevenses. These additional meal times reflect the hobbits’ appreciation for life’s simple pleasures and their impressive metabolisms. When Gandalf encountered the hobbits enjoying their morning feast, he famously quipped, “You shall not pass… up this second breakfast!” The wizard clearly understood that coming between a hobbit and their food might be more dangerous than facing a Balrog. Pippin’s devastated expression upon learning that second breakfast wasn’t observed outside the Shire remains one of the most relatable moments for food enthusiasts everywhere. For hobbits, missing a meal is no laughing matter, but for the rest of us, their dedication to dining schedules provides deliciously funny material. Wizard Wordplay: Gandalf the Grey Area of Comedy You Shall Not Pass Puns Gandalf’s iconic line has spawned countless comedic variations that never fail to bring laughter to Middle-earth enthusiasts. “You shall not pass… up this second breakfast!” perfectly combines the wizard’s dramatic bridge moment with hobbits’ love for multiple meals. Another crowd-pleaser is the simple yet effective “You shall not pass… on this joke!” which acknowledges the irresistible nature of Lord of the Rings humor. Fans of Gandalf’s pyrotechnics will appreciate “Gandalf’s fireworks always go off with a bang—you shall not pass up the show,” highlighting both his magical abilities and stern demeanor in one clever twist. Magical Staff Jokes Gandalf’s mystical powers and distinct personality provide rich material for staff-centered humor. Referring to him as “Gandalf the Grey-t” cleverly plays on both his title and formidable abilities as a wizard. His impressive magical demonstrations make for excellent punchlines, especially when noting that “Gandalf’s fireworks always go off with a bang!” These jokes capture the essence of the character who wields not just powerful magic but also a wonderful wit throughout his journey across Middle-earth. True fans understand that Gandalf’s staff represents more than just a walking stick—it’s the perfect prop for magical comedy. Elven Elegance: Puns About Legolas and the Elves Elves bring grace, wisdom, and incredibly long lifespans to Middle-earth—along with plenty of opportunities for wordplay. Let’s nock our arrows of humor and take aim at some elf-centric jokes that would even make Thranduil crack a smile. Pointy Ear Pleasantries The distinctive features of our favorite elven characters provide perfect fodder for puns. What’s an elf’s favorite type of joke? “Jest”-ery, of course! You might find yourself saying “I’m feeling Elvish today” after reading these quips. Legolas was always up for a good laugh; many say he had a quiver full of puns ready for any occasion. When attending a fancy celebration in Lothlorien, don’t forget to dress up for the “Gala-driel”—it’s bound to be an event of the ages! Dwarf-Sized Humor: Gimli and His Axe-cellent Puns Gimli’s character provides fertile ground for some truly spectacular wordplay in the Lord of the Rings universe. The stout dwarf warrior with his trusty axe inspires some of the most cutting humor in Middle-earth. Our favorite son of Glóin certainly knows how to make an impact with his weapons—”Gimli’s axes always hit the nail on the head.” This pun perfectly captures both his precision in battle and his straightforward personality that fans have come to love. Fitness enthusiasts will appreciate knowing the secret behind Gimli’s impressive strength. How did he get so powerful? “He lifts ‘mithril’ weights” regularly! This clever play on metal/mithril showcases the dwarf’s dedication to maintaining his formidable physique for all those orc-chopping adventures. Dwarves take their craftsmanship seriously, but Gimli’s combat style could be described as truly “axe-ceptional.” His ability to dispatch enemies while delivering witty one-liners makes him the perfect character for pun-based humor. The friendship between Gimli and Legolas opens up even more comedic possibilities. Their competitive nature leads to some pointed remarks, with Gimli often finding himself on the “short” end of the stick when it comes to height jokes, but he always responds with sharp comebacks. When asked about his favorite musical instrument, Gimli reportedly prefers the “axe-ophone.” His rhythmic swing in battle demonstrates why he’s considered one of the most well-rounded warriors in the Fellowship even though his compact stature. One Ring Puns to Rule Your Conversation The One Ring is arguably the most iconic object in the entire Lord of the Rings universe, making it perfect material for some precious puns. We’ve forged a collection of ring-based wordplay that would make even Sauron crack a smile. These jokes are powerful enough to rule any conversation, just like the One Ring ruled them all. “Why did the One Ring go to therapy? It had control issues.” This clever pun plays on the ring’s notorious ability to control its bearers while giving it a modern, relatable twist. “You’re a ‘ring’ above the rest.” Use this pun as a compliment for the LOTR fans in your life who truly appreciate your Middle-earth humor. “Frodo will never give up the ring; he’s quite attached.” This joke works on multiple levels, referencing both Frodo’s physical possession of the ring and its psychological hold on him. “Frodo had a hard time organizing his schedule; he really struggled with ‘ringing’ in the new year!” Time management becomes hilariously difficult when you’re carrying the fate of Middle-earth on a chain around your neck. “When Frodo felt down, I told him to keep his spirits high and his ring close.” This pun perfectly captures the burden Frodo carried throughout his journey to Mount Doom. “I offered to help carry Frodo’s ring, but he seemed rather possessive about it.” Anyone familiar with the corrupting power of the One Ring will understand the subtle humor in this statement. “The One Ring doesn’t need a cell phone—it already has unlimited power and excellent coverage across Middle-earth.” This modern take on the ring’s abilities brings Tolkien’s fantasy into the technological age. “The One Ring makes a terrible gift—everyone who receives it becomes completely wrapped up in it.” This pun cleverly references how the ring consumes those who possess it, while using gift-wrapping wordplay. “My precious pun collection is worth more than any golden ring.” Channel your inner Gollum with this self-referential joke about valuing puns as much as he valued his precious. Fellowship of the Wordplay: Group Character Puns The Fellowship of the Ring brought together diverse characters on an epic search, creating perfect opportunities for group-oriented humor. We’ve gathered some hilarious puns that celebrate the camaraderie and dynamics of these beloved adventurers. The Whole Fellowship Why did the Fellowship of the Ring start a band? To make “epic” music! Their harmonious blend of different races and skills would certainly create some Middle-earth chart-toppers. What do you call a Fellowship road trip? An “adventure”-mobile. Imagine nine companions crammed into a vehicle, arguing over the radio while Gandalf insists on taking the scenic route. Why did the Fellowship go to therapy? To work on their “group” issues. From Boromir’s ring obsession to Gimli and Legolas’s initial rivalry, these companions certainly had plenty to discuss with a counselor. Hobbit Companions What do you call a Frodo and Sam adventure? A “hobbit”-ual journey. These two friends stick together through thick and thin, making their partnership the foundation of the entire search. Let’s have a hobbit of fun when we get together, just like the merry gatherings at the Green Dragon Inn. The hobbits’ love for celebration provides endless entertainment throughout their journey. Hobbits really know how to have a shire good time, especially when second breakfast is involved. Their carefree approach to life offers a stark contrast to the seriousness of their mission. The Unlikely Friendship When Gimli and Legolas made a bet, it was a real axe-citing competition! Their friendly rivalry counting Orc kills evolved into one of the most endearing relationships in the story. Legolas was always up for a good laugh; you could say he had a quiver full of puns ready for any occasion. His wit complemented Gimli’s gruffness perfectly during their adventures. The friendship between dwarf and elf proved that opposites attract when battling a common enemy. Their bond represents the breaking of ancient prejudices and the forming of unexpected alliances. Middle-earth Miscellaneous: Geography and Object Puns Geography Puns The industry of Middle-earth offers fertile ground for wordplay that will make any fan smile. Rivendell’s majestic scenery truly “sights” the soul with its beauty, making it the perfect vacation destination for elves and pun lovers alike. Hobbiton reminds us that “there’s no place like Hobbiton” when you’re looking for comfort and second breakfasts in the Shire. Mordor provides unexpected romantic potential with lines like “together, we can Mordor anything” – perfect for couples who overcome obstacles together. Gondor’s majestic white city inspires affection with the heartfelt declaration “you’re my Gondor treasure,” showing that even the most regal kingdoms can become terms of endearment. Object Puns The One Ring The One Ring brings power and pun potential in equal measure. Why did the One Ring go to therapy? It had serious control issues that no amount of Mount Doom lava could resolve. Frodo constantly struggled with time management during his search, as he really had trouble “ringing” in the new year with all his responsibilities. Anyone wearing the ring instantly becomes “a ring above the rest” in terms of invisibility and attracting wraiths. Arrows and Archery Legolas demonstrates archery skill that’s worthy of both admiration and wordplay. His arrows fly with such precision that he’s always got his aim set on the prize, whether it’s orcs or winning pun competitions. The elven archer’s talents are simply “tree-mendous” – his aim remains un-fir-gettable even in the most perilous situations against countless enemies. Mines of Moria The Mines of Moria inspire both awe and humor in equal measure. We told our friends we’re writing a book about this dwarven kingdom, but they said it was a “dwarf” idea that wouldn’t measure up to expectations. The dark caverns may house a Balrog, but they’re still filled with pun-tential that shines brighter than mithril. Ents and Trees Ents move at their own deliberate pace, which makes them perfect subjects for patient humor. Why did the Ent cross the road? To reach the other side… eventually! These walking, talking trees make excellent musicians because they have deep roots in “rock” music, with performances that are worth waiting several days to hear. Character and Object Interactions Gollum’s relationship with fish creates splashy wordplay opportunities. He truly regrets when he can’t find his daily meal, as it’s a real “treat” he misses with precious disappointment. His favorite game? Hide and “Precious” seek, which he plays continually throughout his cave dwelling days. The fearsome Balrog generates fiery puns that ignite laughter. This creature of shadow and flame is a real drag when encountered in mines, with a temper that’s always flaring at the worst possible moment. What’s a Balrog’s favorite workout routine? Fire yoga – it really helps with flexibility and maintaining that intimidating posture. The majestic Eagles of Middle-earth soar into humor with timing issues. These massive birds were notoriously tardy rescuers, really embracing a “fly by the seat of your pants” approach to saving the heroes at the last possible moment. Conclusion: Using These Puns on Your Unexpected Journey We hope these Lord of the Rings puns have brightened your day and given you some laughs to share with fellow Middle-earth enthusiasts. From hobbit humor to wizard wordplay these jokes celebrate the magical industry Tolkien created in a way that’s both fun and familiar. Whether you’re looking to break the ice at a fantasy convention or simply want to make your friends groan with delight we’ve got you covered. These puns are as precious as the One Ring itself but much safer to share! Remember laughter is a magic that works in any area. So next time you’re rewatching the trilogy or reading the books keep these jokes handy and let the pun-expected journey continue! Frequently Asked Questions What are Lord of the Rings puns? Lord of the Rings puns are humorous wordplay based on characters, places, and events from J.R.R. Tolkien’s Middle-earth universe. These jokes typically involve clever twists on names like Frodo, Gandalf, or locations like Mordor, often combined with real-world references to create lighthearted humor that fans of the series can appreciate. Why are hobbit-themed puns so popular? Hobbit-themed puns are popular because hobbits are relatable and central to the story. Their distinctive traits—like love of food, second breakfast, and simple living—provide rich material for wordplay. Their small stature and big personalities, especially characters like Frodo and Sam, create natural comedic contrast that resonates with fans of all ages. What makes Gollum good material for jokes? Gollum’s distinctive speech pattern (particularly his use of “precious” and referring to himself as “we”), his obsession with the One Ring, and his dual personality make him perfect for humor. His memorable catchphrases can easily be twisted into punchlines, and his dramatic character arc provides ample material for both dark and light-hearted jokes. Are there puns about the One Ring? Yes, there are many One Ring puns! These jokes typically play on the ring’s power of control, its influence over bearers, and Frodo’s journey to destroy it. Examples include therapy jokes about “control issues,” attachment puns, and modern twists comparing its power to technology like cell phones. How do wizard-themed puns use Gandalf’s catchphrases? Wizard-themed puns cleverly repurpose Gandalf’s iconic “You shall not pass” line by applying it to everyday situations. Examples include “You shall not pass… up this second breakfast!” and jokes about his fireworks displays. These puns blend his authority as a wizard with mundane scenarios for humorous effect. What type of humor do elf-themed jokes focus on? Elf-themed humor focuses on their grace, wisdom, and immortality. Jokes play on Legolas’s archery skills, the elves’ elegant nature, and their sophisticated culture. Wordplay like calling their jokes “Jest-ery” and events “Gala-driel” combines character names with real-world concepts to create clever puns appreciated by fans. How do dwarf jokes portray Gimli’s character? Dwarf jokes highlight Gimli’s strength, combat prowess, and proud nature. Puns like lifting “mithril weights” and having an “axe-ceptional” fighting style emphasize his warrior identity. Many jokes also play on his height and the friendly rivalry with Legolas, showcasing his sharp wit and comebacks. What makes Fellowship group puns entertaining? Fellowship group puns are entertaining because they play on the diverse characters’ dynamics and shared journey. Jokes about them starting a band, going on road trips, or needing “group therapy” humorously modernize their epic quest. These puns celebrate their camaraderie while highlighting the amusing contrasts between the nine companions. Are there geography-based Lord of the Rings jokes? Absolutely! Geography puns play on location names like Rivendell, Hobbiton, and the Mines of Moria. These jokes transform Middle-earth landmarks into clever wordplay by connecting them to real-world concepts. The diverse settings of Middle-earth—from fiery Mount Doom to peaceful Shire—provide rich material for location-based humor. Why do fans enjoy Lord of the Rings humor? Fans enjoy Lord of the Rings humor because it creates a lighthearted connection to a beloved fantasy world. The puns offer a playful way to celebrate the series, recognize inside references, and share common appreciation with other fans. This humor provides a refreshing contrast to the epic’s often serious themes while honoring its rich characters and world. https://freshpuns.com/?p=1514 Fresh Puns

[breserker]

Cosigning all of this! For me the thing that taught me to remove deadwood the most is, unironically, learning a new context-heavy language like Japanese. That's kind of a tall order! But it really helped me understand what I could or couldn't cut in order to get the point across, and I think any bilingualism helps with that since you're essentially translating your thoughts to the page. It could be big like they're saying up there, or small, like in my current draft I didn't realize I weirdly start describing a character's physical looks in a scene that really didn't need that and thus it feels jarring. Keep what you wrote even if you cut it! It may come back later!

AND

Every time you come across a writing advice that has a big bold DON'T across it, think to yourself what sort of story would that DON'T be? Because, for as much as I understand what OP is saying in the twitter thread, there is a story where a multipage meticulous description of starbucks works. Off the top of my head it could be a very damning story about depression, or being a service worker, or routine.

Is that your story?

As a longtime fan of Brian Jacques, many of his feasting scenes and food scenes are I think technically things that don't need to be as extravagant as they are. Yet they're so a part of the story I bet you money a fair chunk of people would consider it part of the worldbuilding. Why have a Redwall story without an intricate homey feast? Or the Guosim rowing songs? Unfeasible!

Farmer Maggot and Tom Bombadil are such effectively unimportant characters to the larger narrative of Lord of the Rings that it's easy to write them out of adaptations or despair when you get to their parts upon a reread. So, why did Tolkien include them?

Perhaps the fact that they're not important to the greater narrative was the point to him--and his decision to include them thus became important to the telling of the story. One could argue (and I do) that while it's not feasible for a film adaptation (every line of script is limited time borrowed and you have scant few minutes for it), Farmer Maggot embodies what Frodo loves of the Shire--childhood scamping days being forgiven by being an adult in the community and learning and pre-grieving a lost intergenerational friendship in the days and long journey ahead. Tom Bombadil is immensely important to the idea that Sauron is, in fact, not the ultimate big bad evil guy in the whole world--there are forces both good and bad outside of his influence that have nothing to do with him. Sauron is just the focus of the story of The Lord of the Rings, specifically. The world is bigger than him. Kinder, more evil in places, but bigger than him. The war at the end of the Third Age was important yes, but even moreso that there would always be a world around it too.

What is the story you want to tell?

What would help the story you want to tell?

If it doesn't help, cut it. If it does, somehow, in some way...even if it's in ways these big DON'Ts tell you not to do, keep it around for a while. See how it meets you in a few months.

40 pages describing a starbucks probably wouldn't help a cozy mystery story. Or....it could, if that's part of the mystery. In a way. If yes you'd have to find ways to chew gum and walk as they say. But any idea isn't inherently a bad one, it might just be the wrong one.

PACING IS ABOUT LOAD BEARING WALLS.

*staples violently to my own forehead*

[fuckingfinwions]

Sauron making robots and infusing them with the mindwiped souls of his prisoners

Maedhros is only able to feel pain or neutral for "first week alive" pleasure is added later. Sauron reaching and peeling back a section on skin on Maedhros's inner thigh to reveal the control panel, switching the dial that controls Maedhros's cock from "hardens with stimulus" to "priapism." Sauron will turn it back in a few days.

Sauron is building Finrod's body from the ground up, so there's no need to include vocal chords. The lack of moans is worth no risk of Song, and Finrod's new tail wags well enough to show pleasure.

Sauron considers Celebrimbor his masterpiece though. The controls are accessed on his upper back, so Sauron doesn't accidentally hit a button when Tyelpe is riding him, and Tyelpe can't see at all what settings Sauron is changing. Sometimes it's fairly routine like making his asshole tight, sometimes it's making him orgasm every time he licks his lips.

Tyelpe is designed for pleasure, with no ability to feel pain at all. (Sauron has fond memories of his time as Annatar in Celebrimbor's city, and wants only happiness for him.) Even when Sauron slices Tyelpe's thighs to ribbons, or snaps his fingers one by one, Tyelpe moans and whimpers at how good it feels.

Sauron still does lock Tyelpe out of his body completely sometimes, awake but paralyzed from the neck down while Sauron makes his navel fuckable. Squirming would mess the surgery up, whether in pleasure or pain. And once Sauron is done installing the new orifice, he leaves Tyelpe immobile on his workbench, to give it a day to heal.

[marchwardenofmordor]

So I’ve revamped this blog.

My Silmarillion/Tolkien obsession is currently clogging up my skyrim blog so I’m hauling ass over here because I haven’t posted on here in fucking ages. It’s been so long that Sauron’s gained corporeal form yet again. I’m gonna be using this blog now for my art, silly headcanons and fics as the gods intended.

In advance, for those who don’t know me:

Hi! I’m Afallach. A 24 year old queer guy from Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿, freshly graduated. I mainly do traditional art, but since unearthing my long lost drawing tablet from a chasm deeper than utumno in my bedroom, I’ve taken up digital drawing again.

I’m an intersex transgender man. Meat will definitely be back on the menu if any TERFs decide to come over here with their bullshit.

A lot of my art and writing to be posted here is NSFW and/or bordering on it. Please, for the love of fuck, if you’re a minor, turn around and go back. Don’t interact here. I don’t have anything against you young ‘uns, but I’m drawing a line.

That being said, if you’re a minor and you want to use my more SFW art for inspo or to learn new techniques, head over to my instagram (@afallac.h) instead - it’s much more age appropriate and I can answer any questions you might have about drawing and tips for drawing over there (particularly if you’re struggling in your studies as a young artist, I’m always happy to lend a hand, having been there and struggled myself and come out the other end as a Bachelor of Arts with honours in Illustration).

In the event that my art gets a lotta love, I might be tempted to grab a patreon so you can see all the norty stuff uncensored and fresh out of the gates of Angband.

About My Marchwarden

His name is Seregluin, known intimately as Gwathragur, and commonly by his Espessë: Ossecáno / Gossandir, meaning ‘terrifying command’.

He’s Mairon/Sauron’s general and the Marchwarden of Mordor.

He wields two elven swords, perpetually glowing blue.

He’s a Moriquendë (Dark Elf) with ghostly pale skin and hair, and eyes like the void (with thin silver irises that coincidentally ✨disappear✨ when he’s touched by the dark lord).

Seregluin’s a big bitch. Built like a brick shithouse. Half as tall as a fortress wall and twice as thicc.

He’s a submissive versatile who usually tops, unless Mairon’s feeling particularly spicy.

Ah. The ultimate simp. Jealous of Melkor. Would bark at Celebrimbor like a rabid dog. Would happily get on his hands and knees and give Mairon’s carpet grippers a nibble if told to and do so completely straight faced. Loyal to a fault, but also rather stubborn and committed to routine.

He’s a fucking nutcase and considers the Mouth of Sauron a friend, although he does tend to annoy the Mouth. The Mouth, however, has gone there. Seregluin has the sinful scars to prove it and the sordid affair happened in the kitchens whilst drinking extraordinary amounts of wine after a successful battle, following Seregluin admitting his curiosity concerning how much the Mouth could fit in his namesake.

He’s disgusting and up for anything.

And here he is, buns clenched for the Dark Lord.

Here’s some info about the Bastard (of Maedhros) :

- Redheaded, tall, muscular half elf. Befreckled. Golden draconic eyes and the beginnings of horns hidden beneath his hairline

- his name is Aldros Caradoc.

- The circumstances of his birth are unknown, even to him. His ‘mother’ whether biological or surrogate, is Sauron, to whom he bears an uncanny resemblance

- his father is most definitely Maedhros, from whom he gained his copper hair.

- he was locked in a tower for almost 200 years

- he is a half elf, raised in Mordor, though Morgoth treated him as an experiment, and fused his blood with the blood of dragons, caring not if he lived or died because he was a bastard and a runt.

- Sauron nursed him, changing his form to do so. He has a certain possessiveness towards Aldros because of his uncanny resemblance to his earlier form of Mairon.

- He can speak with dragons and they recognise him as one of their own by his smell, if not his looks.

- He is canonically autistic (like me, the writer) and has eczema (also like me, the writer: he’s described as ‘dragon kissed’ by the red scaly skin on his neck, eyelids and hands).

- His special interests are dragons, fire drakes and fellbeasts (with whom he was raised).

- he had never been socialised and is technically a baby in the world of men and elves, but loathes to be treated as such.

I have a bluesky for NSFW uncropped and uncensored art.

Finally, here’s the fic.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/60595780/chapters/154714468

🔥Very open to asks!🔥