#Seriously fuck Brian!

[thechaoticdruid]

[This Bites] (1)

Pairing: Astarion x F! Chubby! MC

Plot: Through some mysterious and very miraculous events, a young woman finds herself literally stuck with a character from her current video game obsession. You can guess it already. It's an isekai type fanfic. Except in this case Astarion is stuck in our modern world.  I was gonna call the MC Tav, but since the actual game character Tav is mentioned I just named her Winnie. 

Content Warnings: Death….sorta, An asshole of a stepdad, MC uses She/Her pronouns, eventual smut and sexual content in future parts. Characters may be Ooc, grammar/spelling mistakes are possible. MC has very low self esteem. Depressed MC.

Chapter One: You are here!

Chapter Two: Here!

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

“Argh I knew something would go wrong with this game!” The female huffed, staring down at her computer. Her eyes scanned over the error message titled ‘Character not found.’ She gritted her teeth in frustration. “God forbid I try mods….” 

The young woman groaned, shutting her laptop and falling back onto the bed. Apparently after finally installing a cheat mod onto Baldur's Gate 3 the game decided to retaliate and locked her out of her save files. She couldn't even create a new character either! The same ‘Character not found’ message seemed to pop up no matter what she did. The girl’s name was Winnie, a college student in her early twenties who was still living at home. Not too long ago Winnie had gotten the game upon release. She'd played it several times since then and even yet was still able to find some hidden secrets she didn't notice the first time. Honestly this game had really helped with her current state. Life had just been dull and miserable. All her friends had moved on and had their own lives now and she really wasn't the best at making new ones. 

She had a dull boring job, did online writing classes and also had to put up with the asshole her mother married. This game had been a godsend for her these past few months. It gave her an escape. A way to be someone else, at least for a little while anyway. 

Not to mention live out her somewhat cringey teenage girl fantasy of dating a walking red flag of a vampire. In this game she felt important. Like she was some badass heroine who was ready to take on any foe.  Not the shy, scared, awkward woman who she saw in the mirror.

Her cat Maddie broke Winnie from her thoughts as she hopped up onto the bed and crawled onto the young woman's chest. Winnie ran her hand over the cat's thick fluffy black fur.  Maddie gave a small mew before purring noisily and gently kneading her claws into Winnie’s chest.

Winnie sighed, scratching the sides of Maddie's face as she was soothed by the feline’s pur. 

“WINNIE! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!!” A gruff male voice shouted from the other room, causing Maddie to jump and scramble off of Winnie and hide under the bed. 

The brunette haired girl sighed and got up, walking out of the room and cautiously stepping down the hall. 

“Yes, Brian?” Winnie spoke up as she entered the kitchen.  She looked over to see her stepfather stumbling about. Brian was a rather large man with short dark hair and beard. He was well….very unpleasant.

“Where are the goddamn car keys?” He growled out. 

“Dunno, I don't drive.” Winnie said calmly as she leaned up against the wall, “mom probably put them somewhere. Check the coffee table by the recliner.” 

Brian stomped off, a tiny tan fluff of a dog following after him.  He grabbed the keys before walking back into the kitchen. 

“I'm going to the store. Keep that stupid cat of yours in your room! It keeps shitting all over the carpet!” 

“I've told you over and over. Maddie only goes in the litter box. It's your dog that keeps making a mess in the house because you don't take him outside when he needs to go.” Winnie rolled her eyes.

“Don't fucking talk back to me! You're lucky your mother lets you stay here, if it was up to me you'd have been kicked out of here a long time ago.”  Brain snapped, making Winnie flinch a little at his tone.  “Now make sure the trash is taken out before I get back.” He said before stomping out the front door and slamming it behind him.  Winnie flinched once again at the loud sound before letting out a sigh and pulling the trash out of the can despite the fact that she distinctly remembered her mother telling Brian to take it out this morning. 

Winnie took out the trash before coming back inside heading back to her room. Her eyes scanned over her laptop as Maddie crawled out from under the bed.  She walked back over and opened the device, logging herself on before attempting to open her game back up.

[Character not found.]

Winnie groaned before filling out a bug report and then putting her computer up. She needed to get ready and go to work anyway. 

~•~•~•~•~•~•~

A few days had passed and nothing seemed to work. Winnie had disabled and deleted all the mods, sent in about a dozen but reports and still nothing. The only thing left she could try now was uninstalling the game and then reinstalling it. 

Winnie sat on the bed waiting patiently for the game to download though she knew it would at least take an hour. She pulled out her cellphone, noticing a text from her mother. The message was informing Winnie that Brian and her mom wouldn't be home until late tonight. At least this meant she'd have plenty of peace and quiet in the meantime. The young woman spread out on her bed, stretching her limbs before slowly closing her eyes, resting lazily.

Time passed as she slowly dozed off…Eventually she was awoken by the sound of beeping? It was some strange noise that she couldn't quite put her finger on. She quickly looked over to her laptop and her eyes widened as she noticed it seemed to be going crazy. Blinking and beeping.

“What the fuck!?” She exclaimed, grasping her computer and frantically clicking the mousepad. 

Then the screen went black before seemingly returning to the home screen. However, everything on the computer was gone save for one shortcut. Baldur's Gate 3.

The game’s shortcut sat in the very center of the computer, practically screaming at Winnie to click on it. She clicked it and the game opened up. 

Everything seemed to go as normal up until the title screen.  Winnie’s eyes widened in shock as she noticed all of the menu options were gone aside from (New Game).  She raised an eyebrow before clicking on the only option available and waiting as the opening cinematic played. Everything continued as it usually did. Winnie created her Tav, a human druid with an urchin background, then proceeded to hop into the game. 

Winnie did a bit of a speed run, moving through the Nautiloid as quickly as she could. She recruited Us, Lae'zel and freed Shadowheart before reaching the helm and crashing the ship.

Upon reaching the ravaged beach was when things began to get strange. 

The game buffered and blinked a bit, skipping the scene where Tav would check themselves out followed by some voiced narration. Tav was kinda just there on the beach. 

“Oh God. The game is glitching….” Winnie whined. She sighed in annoyance before clicking on the ground where she wanted Tav to walk. Winnie REALLY did not feel like uninstalling the game and waiting another hour to try again so she decided she'd play for as long as the game would allow.  Winnie had Tav wander over towards where Shadowheart would normally be laying after crash, only to find an empty space where the half elf should be.  Winnie groaned assuming it was another glitch before continuing on along the beach. While most things were there like the dead bodies and the intellect devourer enemies, Winnie did not see any sign of Shadowheart at all. Not even near the ruins where she'd be if she wasn't rescued by the player.  Winnie decided to quickly go and look for the other characters, sneaking her way past the little brain creatures and moving down the path where Astarion, the elven rogue companion, would be waiting to ambush the player.  He was Winnie’s favorite. She had a soft spot for sassy morally grey characters with tragic backstories. And he was also secretly a vampire to boot which just added to the appeal.  Winnie had her Tav approach the area before she let out a sigh of relief seeing as the vampiric elf was in his starting area shouting for help like normal. At least the game wasn't completely broken.

“Hurry I've got one of those brain things cornered.” Astarion’s dialogue began as soon as Tav got close enough to interact with him.  “There in the grass, you can kill it can't you? Like you killed the others?” 

“Uh….I kinda actually didn't kill any of them…Heheh.” Winnie chuckled before dragging her mouse over the dialogue choices.

1. [Easily, stand back.]

2. Kill it yourself. You seem capable.

3. Leave

Winnie clicked on choice 1 before her Tav walked over to check the tall grass for the intellect devourer that was actually non-existent. 

Instead a wild boar leapt from the grass and made Tav jump in surprise, giving Astarion the perfect opportunity to strike. He pinned the druid to the ground, pressing a dagger to her neck.

“Shhh…Shhh….Not a sound…Not if you want to keep that darling neck of yours.” The vampire practically purred out.  Winnie blushed, a shiver going down her spine. There was a reason she always found herself choosing the elven vampire as her character’s love interest. Initially when she first got the game she felt he came off as a pompous prick (which he is) but damn he was so fucking seductive. It drove Winnie absolutely mad. Not to mention it helped given he had sweet delicious character development later on in his story and actually could be kind of a sweetheart… To the player at least.  

The romance in this game had to be Winnie’s favorite aspect of it. She was very romantically inexperienced to say the least and this just added to what made the game her perfect escape from reality. It made her feel like someone actually liked her. Winnie prepared to select the next dialogue choice when suddenly she noticed they had changed. 

1. [……….]

2. ………..

3. ……….

4. ……….

She looked up and saw a smirk form on Astarion's lips, his eyes appeared as if he was staring back at Winnie from through the screen. Before she could speak Astarion slit Tav's throat and let them drop onto the ground.

“What. The. Fuck.” The brunette haired female went pale as she stared at her computer screen. Astarion sighed in what sounded like relief?

“Finally, we've done that old song and dance so many times! The novelty has completely worn off.” He stretched out his arms, before wiping his dagger on the ground. “It feels so invigorating to try something new, wouldn't you agree?” 

“Uhh…..What's going on?” Winnie asked aloud. She was shaking a bit in both confusion and a little fear.  Her character was kinda just laying on the ground dead…and Astarion was talking….to her!?

“Oh dear, it seems I've gone and frightened you. Ahaha!” Astarion chuckled before appearing to move closer to the screen, even going so far to place his hand on it…

“Hello darling…”

[stephen-bass]

the Brian incident

[traegorn]

I did not know I needed this collab until now.

[secondstar-acorn]

we don’t appreciate brian holden as superman enough fyi

[ibeewashere]

Why did nobody fucking tell me about acoc before a started watching it. Like ‘oh yeah btw this is the devastating season.’ BITCH I WOULD’VE FUCKING LOVED THAT INFORMATION TWELVE EPISODES AGO???

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

F&F AU!

Eheheheh so for those of you not aware, F&F stands for Fast & Furious, so yes, after @mistmarauder and @catdadeddie made me watch that franchise for the first time, I am writing a Fast & Furious Buddie AU.

But uh not the spy shenanigans and cars in space part. Just the first one.

The premise is that rookie cop Eddie Diaz moves to Los Angeles to reconnect with Shannon, who when they were teenagers was big in the street racing scene (there's a teeny tiny Timeless Easter egg in there actually). But Shannon dies shortly after Eddie moves there and Eddie learns that part of why she refused to see him was she had been recruited by the LAPD to infiltrate the street racing scene to get an in with the 118 racers, a group that are believed to be robbing and smuggling. They're led by a former cop, Athena Grant, so they know all the usual tricks and keep outsmarting the police. Now that Shannon has died, Eddie's offered the opportunity, and takes it since it means a much higher payday that he can use to pay for his son's care.

He's supposed to get in with Maddie Buckley, who recently joined the group and doesn't seem to be involved in their crimes, but Eddie senses Maddie's in a bad place and instead chooses to go after the group's wild card (and Maddie's younger brother) Evan "Buck" Buckley. Buck's been banned from racing by Bobby Nash, Athena's husband, for unknown reasons, so Eddie figures he can help Buck sneak in and win some races to get his in.

It's just that. Well. Buck is very good looking. And sweet. And funny. And he adores Christopher. And...

Well you can see where this is going.

But oopsies :3 Eddie's still a cop :3 how on earth will the 118 react when they learn this? :3 and how will Eddie adjust when he finds the 118 gives him the family and support he's always craved? :3

we're an ACAB household here we all know how Eddie's gonna adjust. now the real question is how will he adjust to Buck's cock in his-- *I am dragged offstage by a comically large hook*

Basically I watched the first film and was like... you ever see something trying so hard to be macho it circles right around to being gay? Yeah. That. It was delightful. And I needed to write about Buck and Eddie being homoerotic about engines and gear shifts while racing sexy cars through Los Angeles immediately.

It's going to be very fun to write, I had hoped to write it this summer since I don't know if any of you have seen the film, but the first F&F film has a very sticky dog days of summer feel to it, the L.A. it shows is wonderfully lived in and grimy in a very affectionate way, but obviously I had to start working on my Halloween fics so that didn't happen. But it's still gonna be fun either way!

[daveys-sister]

Denton: David, I have been your mentor for roughly sixteen years, I think you can call me by my first name.

David: I don’t think you understand how much I cannot do that.

[transmascnaotoshirogane]

it's so telling that people act like peach didn't have a personality before the movie. yes she did, she was just feminine and you guys don't like that. she was badass before but she did it in a feminine way but you guys see a princess in a pink gown and water her down to “damsel in distress” while ignoring all the personality that she definitely always had.

also the voice doesn't fit her in the movie. it doesn't fit peach idk it reminds me of Wyldstyle from the lego movie instead of. u know. Princess Peach.

[helloiamaustin]

I love to use my leg in day-to-day activities, like walking, skipping or jumping rope with my human friends.

It would be a shame if somebody specific packed up my leg in their briefcase and took it on the plane back to Europe with them IM LOOKING AT YOU BRIAN

GIVE IT BACK FUCKER

[thechaoticdruid]

[This Bites] (2)

Astarion x Chubby Female MC

Content/Warnings: Winnie freaks the fuck out. Astarion gets an owie. Asshole Brian strikes again. Nothing really crazy in this chapter.

Chapter One: Here it is.

Chapter Two: You are here.

Chapter Three: Lets goooo!

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Winnie fell back with a shriek as the vampire reached out, touching the other side of the screen. 

“Ah….Well that's not exactly the reaction I was hoping for.” He muttered as Winnie continued to stare in shock and disbelief, mouth agape.  “Hello?”

“I have got to be dreaming. This is insane.“ Winnie looked back at the screen before then putting her hand back on the mousepad and attempting to click on Astarion. 

“Hey! Quit that!” He said, swatting the mouse away from him. “I can see how this may be a little overwhelming, but I'll explain everything in a moment. I just need you to do something for me.”

“I’m not sure if I should be listening to you. You just murdered Tav!” 

“Don’t worry about them. They die all the time! They're used to it.” He said in an all too cheerful tone. “I, however, need your help. I'm trapped in this place and you're the only one who can free me.” 

“Still not sure if I should trust a hallucination…”

“Oh for gods sake I'm not a hallucination! I'm as real as you are. Don't believe me? Put your hand against mine. See what happens.” Astarion stared at her intently, keeping his palm pressed against the screen. Winnie paused, thinking it over.

Well It's not actually real after all, right? Probably just a dream…

Finally she placed her hand against his over the screen. For a moment there was no reaction, but then she felt a zapping pain in her hand as if she'd been shocked. Winnie let out a yelp, her hand about to retreat before Astarion phased through the screen and grabbed hold of her wrist. The female jerked back in fear, pulling the vampire out in the process. She fell back and let out a squeak as the male fell on top of her. 

Pink tinted her face as she felt his chiseled muscular physique pressing down upon her much more soft round squishy one. Her mind was flying, filled with shock, concern, disbelief, and a little arousal….

AHHHH IT'S REAL. THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING. WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO!!?!

I….I think I'm gonna faint!

“Finally.” Astarion grinned before getting off of the flustered girl. He breathed out, clenching and unclenching his fists as Winnie noticed his fingernails had become more claw-like now that he was outside of her computer. It was so nonsensical that this was even happening. This was a character out of a video game. How in the actual fucking hell was he standing right here?!

“Thank you. It feels like I've been stuck in a time loop for gods know how long.” The silver haired elf looked around her room, a look of pure glee plastered over his face.

“I'm sorry I'm trying to process this all without completely flipping out…” Winnie said, still rather shaken up. “You're a fictional character, you can't physically be here!”

“Well I am. Though if I'm honest everything up until about three days had ago felt rather trance-like. Like I had just woken up from a reoccurring dream.”

“Three days ago? Shit…” An idea began to form in Winnie's mind. Three days prior was when she installed that cheat mod and the game locked her out. What if somehow that was the cause of this!?

“I tried to snap the others out of it, but they were still stuck in the same routine, like some mindless thralls forced to repeat the same journey over and over!” Astarion made a spinning gesture with his hand before rubbing his temple with a sigh.

“None of them seemed phased in the slightest when I tried to speak to them. Not even a good slap did the trick.” Astarion smirked with a hint of mischief, the memory of slapping Gale repeatedly and yelling ‘WAKE UP’ coming to mind.  “So I had to get your attention.” 

“So you messed with my computer?” Winnie glanced back at her laptop.

“The little box portal thing you pulled me through? Yes.” He nodded. 

“And how did you even know about me?”

“You act as though we’ve never met, lover.~” His tone suddenly turned flirty and seductive. “Falling in love with you over and over was one of the few things that didn't grow old. Well that and murdering Cazador of course.” He chuckled with a smile.

“Oh…Well maybe I am just dreaming or hallucinating.” Winnie muttered under her breath. 

“I’ve been able to tell you were there the entire time, darling. That little portal thing of yours goes both ways.”

“You've been able to see me through the screen this whole time!?” Winnie bit her lip, fearful and a bit embarrassed of what he possibly could have seen.

“See and hear, yes. Although you always looked fuzzy from my end. Tav does resemble you a little bit, but you're much more….” His eyes scanned Winnie over, taking in her shape and stature. The girl was quite short, about five feet and three inches. She had short messy brown locks and dark circles under her chocolate brown eyes. A pair of black round glasses framed her round face. Her body was chubby and stocky and her only redeeming quality it had (in her opinion) were her large round breasts. “Voluptuous…” He finished after getting a good look at her.  Despite the meaning of the word Winnie immediately wrote him off as bullshitting as usual. She had played the game enough to know how he was.  

“But it is rather delightful to finally meet you in person. Honestly it feels like we've known each other for years.” 

“Alright…..I'll accept that you're actually sentient. And that everytime I go through the game you can see all my choices....” Winnie said, still coming to terms with the fact that a fucking fictional vampire  just came out of her computer.  “So…What happens now?”

“I see what this new world has to offer, I suppose.” Astarion let out a sigh, “I feel so much stronger here. Like I could do anything I want.” He grinned. Winnie felt very unnerved. He had this somewhat feral look in his eyes and before she could say anything he walked over towards her window like a dumbass only to let out a yell once the sunlight touched him. 

“Ah! Bloody hells!” He hissed before rushing to hide under her nightstand like a cat.

“The fuck are you doing!?” Winnie said before rushing over to shut the curtains. “Did you suddenly think you'd become invincible!?” 

“I assumed I was still under the tadpole’s protection, but it seems I was wrong…” Astarion said with a wince. His face looked a bit singed, Winnie knelt down by the table to look at him. 

“Hold on, I'll be right back.” She said before getting up and leaving her room. She rushed down into the kitchen, opening the medicine cabinet before grabbing some aloe vera ointment. 

Winnie eventually returned to see Astarion crawling out from the table. “Stay still. This is probably going to feel cold.”

“What are you doing?”

“Just patching you up, now hold still.” She unscrewed the lid off the ointment before dabbing some on her fingers and rubbing it over his burns gently. He winced a bit as she rubbed it in over the burns on his face, but eventually sighed in relief. “There. All better.” Winnie smiled slightly. 

“...Thank you….” He said, his tone a bit hesitant. 

“Yeah, well maybe try thinking before rushing into something next time?” She hummed before setting the ointment down on the nightstand. 

The vampire appeared to be staring at her intently, a small smile forming on his face before he cleared his throat a bit. Winnie turned and looked over at her computer before suddenly hearing the front door slam open. 

Shit.  

What the hell were they even doing back this early? Winnie’s mother had specifically stated they'd be home late!

“WINNIE!!!” She could hear Brian's voice shout from across the house. Loud stomping quickly followed.

“Who's that?” Astarion asked. 

“Fuck. You need to hide, now.” Winnie said before looking around the room frantically. She grabbed hold of Astarion's wrist, panic flooded over her face.  Astarion pulled his hand back.

“Now hold on one minute! I think I deserve an explanation!” 

”No time. Now shut up and get in the closet!” She quickly grabbed his shoulders and yanked him over towards her closet door.

“Excuse me!? I will not!” He scoffed.

“Get in the goddamn closet Astarion!!” Winnie growled before forcing him into the closet and shutting the door. Her heart was pounding. 

Not like she wanted to stuff him in there, but if Brian found out there was this strange man in her room she'd likely be called a whore and kicked out of the house. Brian was old fashioned like that. 

The door to Winnie’s room suddenly opened with Brian shoving his ugly head inside. 

“Your mother is sick, so we came back early. I'm going to need some cash because she ruined my new seat cover.” Brian held his hand out as if he expected her to immediately cough up a wad of cash.

Winnie immediately scoffed, “so let me get this straight your wife is sick and you're more concerned about your seat cover? Nevermind, no. I already gave you 200$ last week!” 

“Oh you ungrateful little bitch! I let you stay in my house for free! It's about damn time you start pulling your weight!” Brian snarled and pushed at Winnie’s shoulder, making her step back. Winnie glared at him. Her mother was the one who owned the fucking house, not him. 

“I need to be able to pay for classes! I can't just give you money for every little thing.” Winnie tried to reason with him, but it had absolutely no effect on the man whatsoever.

“You have your own fucking job and live in MY house for free! You better cough up some goddamn money by tomorrow night or you're out!” Brian shouted in her face before stomping out of the room and slamming the door. Winnie sighed, feeling mentally exhausted from that conversation. She stood there for a few moments until she was sure Brian wouldn't be coming back.

“Okay, Astarion, you can come out of the closet now.” She said as the closet door slowly creaked open. The silver haired male stepped out, flicking a sock off his shoulder before speaking.

“Charming fellow isn't he?” 

“Mhm, my mom sure can pick em.” Winnie replied sarcastically, crossing her arms. “That asshole has been a thorn in my side for about four years now. Anyway sorry about the closet thing. It's just better that he didn't find out I had some random man in my room. He tends to get set off by….well everything.” Winnie said before sitting down on her bed, her hand reaching for her laptop. She was rather curious to get down to the bottom of why and how this video game character gained sentience.  

“You know darling, if this man is causing you so much grief I could get rid of him for you? It wouldn't be too difficult.” Astarion said with a sadistic smirk, crimson orbs eyed the door to the hallway.  “After all, I'll likely start to feel peckish soon…”

Winnie’s eyes widened and a look of horror formed on her face. She quickly put her laptop to the side.

“No! No no no no! No killing!” The brunette stood up quickly. 

“What? Oh come on…I doubt anyone would miss the bastard, besides your mother can do so much better I'm sure.” The pale elf said with a grin.

“No, I mean it. You can't kill anyone.” Winnie said sternly.

“Not even bad people? Ugh! You're being completely unreasonable!” Astarion scoffed, his grin completely disappeared and was replaced with a look of frustration and annoyance.

“This world isn't like where you're from Astarion. People don't get away with murder here. And if you aren't caught it'll probably end up being pinned on me.” Winnie tried to explain calmly.

“Fiiiine.” The vampiric huffed, “I'll let him live. For now…” He murmured the last part under his breath. Winnie glared at him before returning to her computer. 

“So assuming you don't want to go back into my computer…” 

“I absolutely do NOT.” Astarion was quick to say.

“I'll have to figure out what to do with you, but for now I guess you can stay here.”  Winnie said, typing in Nexus Mods onto her laptop. Astarion went and sat beside her on the bed, spralling out behind her in a sort of paint me like one of your french girls kind of way.

“We can do whatever you'd like.~” He purred seductively. 

“Stop that.” Winnie said, her cheeks turning bright red as she tried to focus on what she was doing.

“Ugh, you're no fun.” Astarion rolled his eyes and got up off the bed.  The elf scanned Winnie’s bedroom, slightly curious of some of the strange technology the girl had stored there, but not too invested. Then movement caught his crimson eye. A small fluffy black feline emerged from under the bed. She had a pink collar around her neck with a little silver bed attached to it. Curiously the cat padded over, approaching Astarion and sniffing at his shoes.  

“What an adorable little snack.~” He picked up the cat who began to pur at the attention, “don't you just look delectable?” The vampire cooed, scratching the feline behind the ears.

“Astarion. Don't you fucking think about it.” Winnie hissed, immediately feeling protective over her cat.  

“Think about what?” Astarion rose an eyebrow and looked over at Winnie with a mischievous grin.

“I swear if you even think about eating my cat-”

“I would never! Honestly I'm hurt you think so little of me. As if I could harm such a precious little pet.” Astarion held the feline up towards his face, allowing her to gently headbutt against his cheek. Her purring sounded as if it was getting louder and louder. Winnie still kept her eyes on him, though perhaps she was a little paranoid. After all he did seem to fancy cats in the game. Likely felt a kinship towards them being that they were stealthy sadistic little predators who refused to let anyone be their master. 

Winnie sighed, today had been utterly insane. Forget how it happened. What the hell was she going to do now!? She's stuck with a vampire in her house who she has to hide from her asshole of a stepdad. She already knew off the bat there was no way he'd go back where he came from and releasing him out into the real world by himself was probably a terrible idea. 

He'd either wreak havoc or end up burnt to a crisp.  This was just great.

Fuck.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Note from TheChaoticDruid: Ngl the temptation to make this into an Astarion x Maddie (The cat) story is growing. I really think there should be more stories where Star has a cat cause the dynamic is just so cute. Astarion in this story is going to be a bit different because of how I set up that he literally has been through a bunch of different playthroughs that Winnie has done. I'm also planning on diving into the mystery of how the hell this even happened in the first place. Also eventual smut. Yes, it'll be here at some point. Also don't worry Brian's time will come.

Taglist: @the-disaster-in-waiting

[cathalbravecog]

based on 90% vibes and 10% facts about the characters. i do not take constructive criticism. buck ruffler never read warrior cats but he'd act like a cat and bite others and invade warrior cat larps as a rogue

[lovecatsys]

reading new x men house of m i just found a new favorite Quentin ship

[vomitpukey]

Mmm, Bon has made Brian completely dependent on him. Poor guy can't see and doesn't even have both his arms. Bon takes advantage of this far too often, speaks instead of making terrible hellrabbit noises to make Brian think he's with another person and not still trapped in the k-9 facility.

Oh, what, hrmm, it's too cold in here to be a house? No, no, you must just be sick or something, go cuddle with ur bf.

He feels metallic?? No, what are you on about hush Brian silly.

[pleasetakethis]

all of ‘em for the rnm ask meme 🤭❤️

Yessss!!! Link to the original in case anyone else wants to reblog/play.

Who is your favourite Rick and Morty Character? This is like asking my favorite It's Always Sunny character... because I love them all for their terribleness. Probably Rick, though Rick wouldn't be nearly as compelling without Morty. Favorite side character would be Squanchyyyyy or Mr. Nimbus.

Which Beth is the clone: Domestic Beth or Space Beth? As a mom, I want to say Domestic Beth is the real one because a parent wouldn't leave their kids... except this is Beth Smith we're talking about, so I think Domestic Beth is the clone. I think our "scared little overachiever" pursued freedom when she knew her family had a fallback.

Do you think that Rick-C137 and Rick Prime were previously romantically involved? "Infinite shit happens." Yes, absolutely.

What do you think would be a good name for Birdperson and Tammy's daughter? Phoenixperson II aka PP aka Peepa (terrible The Office reference).

How many seasons do you think Rick and Morty will eventually have? No clue but I'm here for alllll of them.

Rick C-137: smash or pass? Smash.

Who is your favourite Rick and Morty villain? Evil Morty. I love that manipulative little asshole who found a way out.

Your favourite Rick and Morty episode? How do you pick just one ;_; For Rick's character development, I'd say Rickternal Friendshine of the Spotless Mort. Seeing Rick deal with his feelings for others always hits me hard because he spends so much time denying those feelings. For fun, I'd go with Mort Dinner Rick Andre because I love Mr. Nimbus and I also love seeing Jessica become more than just Morty's obsession.

Your least favourite Rick and Morty episode? One Crew over the Crewcoo's Morty (the popular choice seems to be Claw and Hoarder: Special Ricktim's Morty but I love the slut dragons--currently fostering four cats for a friend while said friend is moving, the youngest is female and going through her first heat, and I will randomly mimic the wizard when she's yowling: "You slut! Shame on you! Shame, you slut! You slutty, slutty slut!" I am giving her lots of lovings and she has a heating pad, though, so she's okay).

Who is your least favourite Rick and Morty character? Beth and Jerry without character development (pre-separation).

What is, in your opinion, the worst thing that Rick C-137 has ever done? Real answer: use his grandson the way he does (codependent, grooming, the list goes on and on). Fan answer: torn between taking Morty's memories and the "save a point in time device" from Vat of Acid.

Do you think that Rick and Morty will be affected substantially by having to change the voice actor for Rick and Morty and a bunch of other characters? Affected, yes. Substantially... I don't know but I'll give anything a shot, especially since Adult Swim did the right thing dropping JR. The cool thing about the show is that there are infinite (heh) ways they can address this, if they choose to address it at all, so I'm excited to see what happens next.

What's a good Rick and Morty blog? All the Rick and Morty peeps I follow are awesome! I hesitate to recommend anyone I don't interact with because DNIs pop up all the time based on stuff I saved in my drafts and later go to queue and have to delete because they have some hateful anti/TERF rhetoric going on, so check out my reblogs and likes to find my favorites. :D

Who is the Rick and Morty character that you relate to the most? This ties back in with IASIP. I don't really relate to any of them, I just enjoy them and their fucked up relationships and situations.

The funniest Rick and Morty bit/scene, in your opinion? This is the one that hooked me on the show, the moment I knew I was a goner for these assholes: Butter robot: What is my purpose? Rick: Pass the butter. (Butter robot passes butter) Rick: Thank you. […] Butter robot: What is my purpose? Rick: You pass butter. Butter robot: [looks at its hands] Oh my god. Rick: Yeah, welcome to the club, pal.

Best Rick and Morty season? My favorite so far has been season 6 (they did such a good job with character development, including Rick backsliding into his obsession with Prime--just chef's kiss).

Worst Rick and Morty season? I've enjoyed all of them so far for different reasons. Much like some of my other favorites (The Office, IASIP), I would say push through season 1 if you're unsure and wait until you get through season 2 before you make a decision about the show.

Would you stop watching the show if Justin Roiland returned? I don't know. Depends on whether a public statement was involved and how much responsibility he took for his actions (versus playing it off). I can't listen to Marilyn Manson anymore (because Brian Warner is an abusive POS) and that band was formative during my middle + high school years (almost as important to me as NIN and I would mourn that loss if Trent Reznor turned out to be trash). Roiland coming back might ruin the show for me.

Your favourite Rick and Morty quote? Hard to pick but right now it would be: "Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV." This gets me right in the feels because it's true. Life is short, probably meaningless, so might as well enjoy while we're here and have a chance... because this all ends.

If you had to be one member of the Smith family in the next season, who would you want to be? Ooo, I'd want to be Space Beth.

[weezer-blog]

Brian bell of weezer with his original band, Carnival Art, in which he played bass. He played on their first major label album, Welcome to Vas Llegas which is an increadible early 90s alt rock album; blending elements of proto math rock's odd shifting time signatures with heavy 80s hard rock influenece, think Gun's N Roses meets American football. I highly reccommend this album to anyone and everyone, do yourself a favour and check it out on YouTube.

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Developed the absolute worst migraine at work today, the kind that makes your limbs shake and your body shut down, so I got home from a full day at work at 4:00pm and immediately stripped my uniform off and crashed in my bed, still covered in train grease and promptly passed out

Woke up at 7:00pm and it’s now 7:30pm and I feel like I’m in the fucking twilight zone, like, for example, the nap was so misplaced and intergalactically heavy that I woke up thinking I was Jaskier and that I was in an inn and had to travel soon with Geralt off to God-knows-where