#So seeing how her ability to talk to kids has dulled over the years and her older sense of humor really works

[crimescrimson]

Favourite Resident Evil Characterizations Out of All Their Games [1/?]: Short Hair Claire Redfield in Resident Evil: Revelations 2 (2015)

[honney-pies]

Ma Cherie ❤︎

What Once Was

Pairing: Inuokku/f!reader

Length: 9.3k

Summary: Sometimes reminiscing the past can hurt, but sometimes it’s for the better.

A/n: omg hey guys, sorry for taking so long. I had a lot to deal with these past two week, so I’m a little behind. This chapter focuses heavily on (y/n) and the relationships she has with those around her. This isn’t totally proofread and my desk top has been glitching a lot lately, so please let me know and I will fix it! as always, there’s an oc version and this is cross posted on ao3.

Ma Cherie master list

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

─── ⋆⋅ December 2017 ⋅⋆ ── 

(Y/n)’s standing outside the classrooms, watching as her breath fills the air. She hadn't noticed that everyone had already started to leave until Inumaki tapped her on the shoulder. She snaps out of it and sees that Yuuta was also waiting for her. (Y/n) smiled at the two, noticing how their hands brushed against each other. The three of them had been toeing the line between friends and lovers for some time now, so it was quite adorable watching Yuuta start to figure out that the couple liked him quite a bit. As all the first years were walking away from class, goofing around and acting like kids, Yuuta stops and looks at the sky. Everyone else stops and looks at him, asking him what's wrong.

“Uh, well… I just had a bad premonition,” he responded.

“You’re imagining things.”

“Yep, imagining things.”

“Okaka.”  (Y/n) laughs softly at everyone’s comment. She looks at Yuuta and grabs his wrist before hurrying up to catch the others. 

“Huh? Guys wait!” She feels a nudge from Inumaki and she looks over at her boyfriend who tilts his head  and smiles at her, she smiles back.

“Well, your ability to sense curse energy sucks, you know,” Panda starts. 

“Figures it be dulled, with a curse like Rika constantly around you,” Maki finishes. As they all continued to joke around and make their way off campus (Y/n) could see a little white blob in the sky. A bird, she realizes. A really big bird. (Y/n) felt her phone buzz and pulled it out.

‘Incoming call from weezer🧿🧿’ 

“That's unusual.” (Y/n) looks up from her phone to see what Panda was talking about to see that the bird has landed in front of them. 

“Yuuta’s intuition was correct.” (Y/n) quickly answers the phone call to alert her brother that there was a bird heading for them, even though she knew chances are he already sensed it. As the bird landed, another figure fell to the side. (Y/n) could make out formal clothing, a Gojo-kesa, and a lot of black hair, but that’s not what made her freeze. That bloodflow, she thought, I know it. 

“You’re… not staff,” Maki observed as she pulled out her spear. She sees a person she hasn’t seen in a very long time, her beloved brother. 

“Sugu-nii,” she whispers into her phone, already forgotten in her hand. Suguru looks around for a second before staring right at her and smiling.

“Yo, (Y/n)-chan! It’s been a long time.” Tears started to form in her eyes, she didn’t know what to do. Her chest began to tighten as a wave of emotions came over her, she feels overwhelmed and she just wants to go to sleep.

“Sugu-nii, what are you doing here,” she asks. Although she didn’t know if she wanted to know the reason why. 

“You’ve grown a lot, well I guess that’s to be expected. How are your studies going?” He eyes the phone in her hand and frowns slightly. She felt the blood rushing to her ears and couldn’t move. Suguru appears in front of Yuuta in an instant and she can’t help but feel slightly jealous of how quickly he moved his attention to someone that wasn’t her. Someone with more power, she thinks.

“Nice to meet you, Okkotsu-kun. I’m Geto Suguru.”

“O-oh hi, nice to meet you,” Yuuta replied.

“You possess a truly wonderful power, I see. I believe that great power ought to be used towards great ends.” (Y/n) felt her frustration bubble beneath her skin, like a wildfire with no one around to stop it. The Suguru she knew believed that the strong must protect the weak, that shamans exist to protect non-shaman. 

“Have you ever questioned the current state of the world? This world where jujutsu shamans act in secret in order to protect the order of commonplace society. You see, there’s this established paradox,” he started as he let go of Yuuta’s hands and began to move more freely, “saying that the strong must protect the weak,” he continued.

(Y/n) could feel her blood begin to flood through her ears, slowly drowning out the utter bullshit he was spewing. She saw Suguru wrap his arm around Yuuta, but at this point she didn’t care to listen. She was so unbelievably tired. Tired of listening to his tangent that is so different to the lectures he used to give her growing up.

“-we would like you to help us kill all non-shamans and create a world with only jujutsu shamans.” And in a split second, the pedestal she held her dear brother crumbled underneath his very feet. The others saw how upset she was getting and were also starting to get riled up. You see, (Y/n) has known that Suguru was not the same, but it’s different seeing and hearing it. She has heard for years about how he was a traitor, murderer, cult leader, but she could always deny it in her mind. How could someone who taught her right and wrong end up being so very… wrong? She poured hours of her life into reading the files the school has made of him. Spent hours outside his temple hoping to get the courage to see him, to ask why. She’s spent years trying to prove to herself that her brother never changed, but she’s finally seeing what everyone has been saying. She’s seeing all the things she’s ignored and she has this revelation that maybe, maybe she didn’t know her brother as well as she thought she had.

Above all else, she’s infuriated at how someone who hurt not only hundreds of innocent people, but her family, herself, her dad, waltz back into her home as if he never left it in the first place. As if he never left her. 

“Could you stop preaching your crazy beliefs to my students?” With the voice of her brother, the one that stayed in her life, she felt her anger bury itself further under the surface, where she could manage it better. Suguru’s mouth pressed into a thin line before turning itself into a smile, but not the one he used to give Satoru, a fake up filled with nothing. 

“Satoru! Long time no see!” 

“First of all, get away from those kids, Suguru.” She looked at Satoru and saw how tense his face was. She could only imagine the amount of heartbreak he must be feeling. The man still had a hard time eating fried chicken after all this time, let alone even speaking of KFC. 

‘Guess we’re going to eat a bunch of sweets tonight’.

“I had heard this year’s first-years were all outstanding students. Now I understand. It was all your doing. A special-grade cursed human, a cursed corpse mutation, the descendant of the cursed speech users, our beloved sister, and the zen’in clan failure.” (Y/n) clenched her jaw and moved herself to be more in Suguru’s eyesight blocking Maki, her best friend. She could feel Maki pull her behind her as she juts her spear forward towards Suguru. The look on his face makes her want to vomit, he looks absolutely appalled by Maki.

“Watch what you do, because I don’t need any monkey like you in my world,” his eyes slid over to (Y/n), “how unfortunate that you’ve chosen their side, (Y/n)-chan.”

“Monkey,” he called her, he called Maki a monkey. Tears that had been welling up in her eyes were finally threatening to fall, not from sadness, but from the unabated anger making its way to her heart. Yuuta made eye contact with her before pushing Suguru’s arm off.

“I’m sorry. I don’t really understand what you’re talking about, but… I can’t help anyone who insults my friends!” Suguru lets out a sigh before he begins to speak once more.

“My apologies. It wasn’t my intention to upset you.” She felt a hand on her shoulder shortly before she appeared in between Yuuta and Suguru. ‘Toru-nii’.

“Then what exactly did you come for?” Even with the bandages covering Satoru’s eyes, she knew that the soulmates were making perfect eye contact. 

“To declare war,” he responded. (Y/n) felt her jaw tense and she gently nudged Satoru after feeling his hand tighten against her. Suguru turned away from Satoru and looked at the others.

“Everyone gathered here, open your ears and listen closely! On the coming December 24th, when the sun sets, we shall conduct the Night Parade of a Hundred Demons. It will take place in the crucible of curses, Shinjuku, Tokyo, and the holy land of jujutsu, Kyoto,” He announces. 

“We will unleash a thousand curses upon each place, and of course their command will be to ‘massacre’. If you wish to avoid a scene straight out of hell, come and stop it with all your might. Let us freely curse each other!”

The smile on Suguru’s face unnerves (Y/n) slightly and she has the sudden realization that maybe, just maybe, she genuinely doesn’t know him anymore. The blonde girl behind Suguru lets out a screech that quickly wipes his malice laced smile into a softer one.

“Geto-sama! The store’s gonna close!” Her whining was giving (Y/n) a huge headache. 

“It’s already that late? I’m sorry, Satoru, (Y/n)-chan. My girls just insist on going to get crepes from Takeshita street,” he began, “so I’ll be taking my leave.”

My girls, so he really did replace me. 

When she looked up, Suguru set a hand on her head, though there was a slight delay. Satoru had activated his Infinity on her when he had grabbed her, only releasing it when knowing Suguru wouldn’t hurt her.  

“See you soon, imōto.” He removes his hand and all she can think is how much she’s missed him. The two of them watch for a second time as he leaves and this time it stings just that little bit more. She looks at the group and then at Satoru, and takes a deep breath. 

“Maki,” she says, “can we make some cookies?” Maki, who knew the other girl like the back of her hand, simply nodded, knowing she needed the distraction while their teacher and the rest of her family would undoubtedly be busy with meetings. 

“Gojo-san, we need to go.” Satoru looked down at the girl, his little girl, and gave her shoulder one more reassuring squeeze before letting go. 

“I’ll swing by later tonight, okay,” he whispers before taking his leave and giving the others a nod and going back to campus. 

As they walked back she could feel everyone's eyes on her, it made her skin crawl. It was as if it was on fire and it made her so incredibly uncomfortable, but she told them that she would talk about her feelings when she was ready. And they respected her wishes just like she’s done to them many times before.

─── ⋆⋅ August 2017 ⋅⋆ ── 

It was the first time in a while since (Y/n) had been sent to live at the Technical College. After Satoru graduated, he officially adopted (Y/n). It was a day filled with happy tears, hugs, and an obscene amount of sweets. They had moved into an apartment and her family quickly grew from there.

Nine years later she’s back at the school and moving into a dorm with the promise of learning and finally earning money. It was about two weeks before classes were supposed to start, but she wanted to get back into the swing of things, help Inumaki move into his dorm and maybe make another friend. There was one person she had yet to meet and she wanted to at least be acquaintances with the other girl before classes started. One perk of your ‘bro-dad’ being your teacher, you find out about stuff before you’re meant to. 

(Y/n) had already met and was friends with two of her classmates, Panda and Inumaki. Although the latter is her boyfriend and future spouse, so she supposed it didn’t really count. She had heard that the other girl was from the Zen’in clan and was unable to see curses. She hoped the two would be friends since they came from similar filial situations. 

As she was moving that last of her things into her new room, or rather Satoru’s old room, she spotted someone moving into a room not too far down. She finished setting her things down and made her way over to the room before noticing the door was ajar. She knocked and smiled when the girl turned around. 

“Hi, I’m (Y/n)! I’m your classmate, I believe.” The other girl did a once over before walking a little closer. 

“Maki, you are.” (Y/n) looked up at Maki and smiled another bright smile. 

“I like your hair! Do you need any help setting things up? I’m nearly finished, so I can lend a hand if you would like.” Maki looked down at the girl and noticed a couple scars on her body, a deep, jagged one on her collarbone. 

“I can manage,” she replied. (Y/n) nodded her head before saying her goodbye’s before heading back to her room.

“Oh, I almost forgot! Let me know if you would like to explore the campus later.” Maki turned back around and nodded.

“You’ve already taken a look around?” She smiled and nodded.

“Something like that.”

————————————————————————————————————

Maki did in fact take her up on that offer and the two spent the next couple of weeks getting to know one another and becoming friends. They made a couple references to their families and although (Y/n) already knew of her ties, she would never want to pressure someone into opening up before they were ready. 

The four first years quickly became friends and it felt as if they had known each other for years. Well for three of them that was the case. Maki would later learn that (Y/n) and Inumaki were in an arranged marriage, and were quite happy about it, along with Panda and (Y/n) knowing each other from their childhood. They were the only children around each other on campus and a friendship blossomed from there. 

Maki and (Y/n) would later become best friends and share about their pasts. The day Maki found out about (Y/n)’s last name, she knew she could trust her with her’s. The pair became two peas in a pod and spent quite a large amount of time together, forming a sister-like bond. After one job together the two got matching beads to make bracelets with.

“They’re kind of like my favorite thing ever. Although if you don’t wear jewelry we can find a different way to match!” 

A little over a month after meeting, (Y/n) had confessed that she wasn’t that skilled when it came to using weapons to fight without using her cursed technique. She was taught hand-to-hand, but had refused to learn how to handle a blade herself after some instances in her early childhood. Maki had been the one to teach her, and quite frankly who else would you want? 

In the late nights beneath the blanket of stars, it was difficult for (Y/n) to ignore her trauma and all the emotions that consumed her mind. She kept up her more carefree, level headed  demeanor during the day with ease, but when there was nothing else to occupy her it became overwhelming. Due to this the four would spend many nights together under the gentle glow of the moon, just talking and messing around. Just acting their age. 

Later in the year Yuuta would show up and (Y/n) would be forced to see her brother take his last breath, but that’s for later. This is now. 

─── ⋆⋅ December 2017 ⋅⋆ ── 

When they finally made it back to the dorm everyone agreed that they needed to take a five minute break before they started moving again. 

(Y/n) went to the showers alone since Maki was going to set her spear back in its case. As she walked she imagined all the time Suguru had walked these halls, had placed his feet in the same places as hers. After he defected she had spent a lot of nights with Shoko due to Satoru being a complete wreck, he would cry and he never liked crying infront of her. 

“I’m supposed to be the one comforting you when you cry, not the other way around.”

He had been so depressed after, albeit he still is, but when the memories were still at the front of his mind, when the wounds hadn’t yet faded to scars, he would lay in Suguru’s bed and let his body be wracked with sobs. It was a heartbreaking thing to hear and most nights, or early mornings rather, she would sneak into Suguru’s room and curl against her brother. He would squeeze her tight and not let her leave until the last second. As if he was scared she would leave too. 

While her mind was distracted, her feet had carried her back to Suguru’s room. She hesitated to open the door, but when she did it was covered in a thick layer of dust. No one has been here for years. Well, maybe Satoru since he could use his infinity, but she couldn't be sure

“Only for a minute, (Y/n), you still have things you need to do, a shower to take, and acne to scrub away.” Unfortunately it was not a minute, not even five, when she looked at her phone she noticed it had been closer to two hours. When she rose from his bed her body hurt and there was an outline of her body on the sheets. Her head ached from the tears she shed, yet her eyes still burn with the anticipation for those to come. 

She eventually made her way to the showers and could see how red her eyes were and how swollen her face was. She thought she looked similar to a weird looking squirrel. 

________

After her shower she set her things down back in her room and made her way to the kitchen where her friends were there waiting. They made no comments about her eyes and no comments about her face. Set on top of the counter were all the ingredients for baking cookies.

─── ⋆⋅ October 2017 ⋅⋆ ── 

It was the day of the exchange event and Yuuta was looking a little nervous. More like queasy if anything. 

“ ‘Kkotsu, you feeling okay?”

“Kamo-san! How are we supposed to fight other students?” 

“(Y/n), ‘kkotsu!”

“Sorry, sorry! (Y/n)-san, a-are you not nervous?” (Y/n) patted him on the back and smiled. 

“You’ll do great, ‘kkotsu! I mean you have a target on your back, but it’s nothing to worry about. Maki and I ‘ll make sure you don’t die! Right, Maki?”

“Don’t drag me into this, (Y/n).”

“I’m going to die!” She sighed and shook her head.

“Ah, sorry, wrong choice of words. You’re not going to die, however you might get a little injured. Although everyone does.” 

“I’ve accepted death.” 

“My god, you’re dramatic.” She quickly glanced down at Yuuta to see if he heard her, he had and looked… well pathetic. 

But like a good pathetic. No, (Y/n), don’t think that. That’s gross.

(Y/n) looked over at Maki and motioned for her to come over. Maki saw this and turned around, so she didn’t see them. (Y/n)’s eye began to twitch ever so slightly.

“Maki!” The girl groaned, but turned around and made her way over and looked at him.

“You’re not going to die, stop exaggerating. You’ll be fine. Now get up and don’t embarrass us.” Yuuta looked up at the girl and shrunk back.

“I’d get up and listen, Maki doesn’t like repeating things,” (Y/n) whispered before grabbing his arm and hauling him up before Maki got too frustrated. The two girls were wearing their matching bracelets today, although they weren’t the most neatly made things, it showed that they were a pair. Maki had hers underneath the sleeves of her uniform while (Y/n) had 

hers, and the many others she’s made/collected, where everyone can see. 

Maki didn’t like wearing jewelry since it made a lot of noise and could get in the way while she fought, but for (Y/n) she’d wear one. (Y/n) looked over and saw the Kyoto school began to show up, so she brushed off any dirt on Yuuta and smiled at him.

“You’re going to be just fine. Toge, tell him he’ll be fine.” Inumaki rested his hand on Yuuta’s shoulder and gave him a thumbs up. Panda watched this interaction and had a slight blush on his cheeks. He made his way over to (Y/n) and bent down to talk to her.

“(Y/n), are you seeing this?”

“Seeing what?”

“Are you okay?”

“Panda, is everything alright?”

“Inumaki is flirting!”

“Huh?”

“He’s flirting with Yuuta!” She looked at the two and shook her head.

“He’s not flirting, but it’s fine Panda!” Panda looked down at the girl before feeling her head to see if she was being delusional due to being sick. (Y/n) let him be, but not before sending him a questioning glance.

“Panda… you know I wouldn’t mind if he was flirting, right?” Panda placed another hand (paw?) on (Y/n)’s head. She sighed and gently moved his hands away.

“Panda, I don’t mind if Toge likes ‘kkotsu. I think he’s kind of cute actually.” Panda looked at the girl, confusion written all over his face. After a couple seconds she could practically see the gears turning in his head.

“Oh… so you both like him?” She shook her head.

“I don’t like like him right now. If anything it’s a small crush, but I think Toge does. Though who could blame him, he’s really adorable.” Panda watched as the couple both looked at Yuuta and noticed how they both had a light blush on their faces. 

‘Humans are… weird.’

“It’s not weird, Panda.” The said corpse looks at her in astonishment.

“You can read minds?” She laughed and shook her head.

“No, I can’t, just a guess.” Panda hummed and nodded his head rapidly. 

“(Y/n), Panda let’s go!” The two made eye contact and giggled. 

“I’ll tell you about it later,” she whispered before making their way over.

“Coming my lovelies!” Maki raised a brow and had a small smile on her face.

“You’re hyper today,” she noted. (Y/n) smiled at her.

“I’m always hyper.” Inumaki looked at her and bumped shoulders with her and grabbed her hand. When they finally reached the meeting place, she saw Noritoshi and some of her happiness began to subside. In its place came many variations of emotions. When it comes to siblings there’s typically a sense of  attachment, however she hasn’t spent time with her brother in quite a while. Yet there’s still that underlying feeling where she knows that he may not be able to think for himself just yet, he’d still protect her if need be.

“Akane-san, nice to see you.” (Y/n)’s hand clenched around Inumaki’s as she plastered on a smile. And there he went, bringing up a past and its memories along with it. A past that had no business being brought up. However she couldn’t blame him the same way she might her father.

“(Y/n), Nori. I guess in our time apart you’ve forgotten.” His mouth set into a thin line before trying to speak once again, but Maki beat him to the punch.

“Play nice for now and remind him up close and personal later.” The girl let out a small laugh into her free hand and looked over at her brother.

“Only if you have my back.”

“I always do.” The girls made eye contact and smiled. (Y/n)’s big and bright while Maki’s was more subtle. Platonic soulmates are always the best kind of friendships to have. 

As she looked at her older brother she remembered meeting one day in the middle of the brutal summer heat and smiled to herself. 

‘He’s so different, yet so similar all the same.’

─── ⋆⋅ June 2005 ⋅⋆ ── 

The sun was burning her skin, but she didn’t mind. As long as she didn’t have to see her family. Satoru and Akane were at a meeting for all the shaman clans and he had told her that she should come too. 

Now you see, (Y/n) is a well respected shaman-in-training when she’s older, loved by many, but when Akane was not. Akane was a nuisance and forgotten by most.

A burden

A useless child.

A waste of male, Kamo blood and inherited cursed technique. 

Shortly before Satoru began school, the young girl had begun to show signs of a cursed technique, over time it became aware that it was an inherited one. In the Kamo clan women used to be worshiped. Women were seen as gods, as holy entities that were meant to lead rather than be leashed. Unfortunately foreign ideology slowly began to seep its way into the everyday lives of the people and enforced their ideals upon them. 

For many in the shaman world, or any world for that matter, women are treated as second class citizens if they’re lucky enough to be seen as human at all.  In the shaman world women are meant to breed more shaman children, and then their children will breed more, and the cycle continues. (Y/n) was blessed with a powerful cursed technique, blood manipulation. It garnered a lot of attention. Many believed that it should have gone to a male member of the family, someone who would become an heir. Though she didn’t know why anyone was complaining, Noritoshi was born powerful and most ‘importantly’ a male. 

Akane didn’t like attending these meetings, but Satoru told her that she had more than earned her place to be here and she was willing to follow him anywhere.

“You’re Akane, correct?” The small girl turned and saw another young boy, a little older than herself. Her eyes widened at him, he’s gotta be the heir for Father.

“Hi. You’re Noshitori,” she asked. His borrows furrowed and a slight frown tugged at his lips.

“Noritoshi.” 

“Oh, sorry.” He huffed and moved his head to face her more.The young girl thought his eyes were closed.

“How old are you?”

“ ‘m four!” She showed him a bright smile and he didn’t need to open his eyes any more than they already are to know that there might be a few teeth missing from it.

“Why are you here? Father couldn’t have asked you to come.” She shook her head before remembering he couldn’t see her.

“Oh no, he didn’t. ‘Ru asked me to come.” His brows furrowed again and tilted his head to the side.

“Who,” he asked.

“‘Ru!” The boy looked even more confused.

“Gojo Sa‘ru!” His eyebrows raised and Akane thought they might fly off his forehead. 

“Gojo Satoru?” He clearly didn’t believe her, but with the way she kept on nodding her head it was difficult not to. The two stood next to each other and had a one sided conversation because even though she was four and it was sometimes difficult to understand her, she never stopped talking. She went on about some kids in her class and how she was learning her letters and numbers, but she couldn’t read quite yet. She made it a point to describe everything was seeing, so Noritoshi could ‘see’ it too. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he can actually see and that his eyes just look closed. While he was looking at her as she talked, he noticed the similarities in their features such as their eyes and nose, along with their hair. What caught his attention was how much she looked like their father’s wife.

‘Her mother’. He reminded himself.

Once the meeting was over and everyone began walking out, Satoru quickly made his way to the children and ruffled the girls hair.

“Akane! You’re so lucky you don’t have to go to these things, they’re so boring. Maybe if you went inside with me next time it would be more fun!”

“‘ ‘Ru! My hair!” He laughed in return and turned his head to look at the boy.

“Who’re you?” 

“Kamo No-”

“He’s m’ brother Nori,” Akane interrupted. She stood up from where she sat on the ground and said her goodbyes to the boy, wanting to leave before the rest of her family showed up.

“See you later, Nori! It was nice meeting you!” He nodded and a small smile threatened to make an appearance, but before it could his father spoke and called him away, back to the estate where his mother no longer was. 

─── ⋆⋅ October 2017 ⋅⋆ ─── 

When the exchange event came to its conclusion, (Y/n) hadn’t been as amazing as she had hoped. She didn’t make it to the final round of the one-on-one fights, and she made many mistakes in the group battle. She wished she could have done more, fought more. 

She got too ahead of herself and nearly passed out from blood loss. Yuuta had to carry her around for that last part of the group battle, which she was still incredibly embarrassed about. However he assured her many times he didn’t mind it. She had gotten an earful from Yaga and Satoru, Maki had smacked her in the back of the head, Shoko had looked at her endlessly, but kept her thoughts to herself (not before staring at her in a way that made her feel even more embarrassed than she already was), and somehow Nanami even found out and sent her a wall of text telling her not to act that recklessly again. Inumaki had signed so fast she could barely keep up, and she felt awful for making him worry that much. He had sat next to her until Shoko allowed her to leave.

“Try not to pull a stunt like that again, (Y/n). Too much paperwork.” (Y/n) smiled softly, knowing that she was trying to show her concern without outrightly stating it. 

“I’ll try not to, Sho-nee.” Shoko nodded and shooed her away the second she got a text from Utahime. 

When they went outside, (Y/n) felt her phone buzz in her pocket

‘Incoming call from shadow wannabe’

“Oh, ‘gumi wh-”

“What did you do?” (Y/n) paused for a moment. What did I do?

“... huh?” she heard a long sigh on the other end

“Gojo sent me a text saying you wouldn’t be able to get me from school and you’ve never been late, let alone not there.”

“Aw, are you worried about me?” She smiled.

“Nee-san.” She laughed at the huff he let out.

“Ah, well I needed to see Shoko. During the event, I pushed myself pretty hard and so I had to stay in the office for a while. But I’m better now!” She looked at Inumaki and tapped her wrist. He then showed her the time. 

‘Thanks,’ she mouthed. 

“It’s pretty late, please tell me you didn’t just get home?”

“...No.” (Y/n) let out a sigh.

“Were you bullying kids again?”

“It’s not bullying if they start it, plus you’re the one who told me that bullying works.” She rolled her eyes.

“I said that ‘cause you’d pour ranch, ranch, all over your fries and then wipe your fingers on your shirt. It was gross, and now you don’t use your shirt as a napkin. Bullying is effective in some cases, like when it comes to siblings. I don’t think you need to get nearly expelled from another school. ” Inumaki was laughing quietly next to her as the two continued walking to their respective dorms. Megumi mumbled something under his breath that (Y/n) didn’t catch, though she could take a wild guess at what it was.

“Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine, ‘gumi. Nothing I haven’t done before. You had a test today right? How was it?”

“It was fine, I guess. Boring, Nakamura-san tried to cheat off me again. If she wasn’t obnoxious I would’ve let her be, but she’s never returned my mechanical pencil and she even uses it right in front of me! So of course I tell the teacher after the test. She tried to get her little brother to beat me up. Her little brother.” (Y/n) laughed softly, voicing her frustrations and agreeing that maybe harassing children was okay in the instance. She had been watching Inumaki fiddle with her fingers as they waited outside the dorms for the call to be done. After a while, she looked around and noticed that Noritoshi was waiting for her on a bench just outside the dorms. 

“Hey, ‘gumi, I gotta go, but I’ll call you back later okay?” He stopped his tangent about how he couldn’t wait to be done with middle school.

“Can you facetime me later so I can see the ‘hottie’ you’ve been talking about lately?”

“Which one?” 

“Black hair guy.”

“Oh, Okkotsu. No, he’s asleep in the infirmary right now, but we’ll call you back okay? We’ll introduce you to him soon.” 

“Hi, Inumaki-san. Bye, Inumaki-san.” (Y/n) chuckled before hanging up. 

“Toge, you head back first. I’ll be there in a sec.” He nodded, but not before giving her hand a squeeze. (Y/n) made her way over to her brother and sat down next to him.

“What you did today was reckless.” She groaned.

“Not you too, I literally just sat down!” He looked over at her, the tiniest traces of a smile on his lips. 

“Yes, me too.” (Y/n) sighed and leaned against the back of the bench.

“It’s nothing either of us haven’t done before. I don’t know why everyone is acting as if there won’t be days where I’ll be put in a worse situation.” He sighed and looked at her.

“We all know that being a shaman comes with its occupational hazards, but that doesn’t change how -how idiotic you were acting. You were actively drawing blood out of your body and trying to control it with no medium to ease that burden. That’s dangerous! I know that we all will have to put our lives on the line a million times over for this job, but that doesn’t mean one should seek out death. There is a difference between risking death to win and being willing to die.” She peeked over at him and saw the furrowed brows, his worry lines creased.

“You sound like my dad.” 

“Well Gojo-san is right.” She looks at him with wide eyes before bursting at the seams, letting out a loud laugh. 

“I wasn’t talking about Toru-nii, to be specific, I meant in general.” He glanced towards her and frowned.

“He adopted you, did he not?”

“He did.” He nodded his head before looking back over.

“Is he- is he nice?” (Y/n) looked at him before smiling.

“He’s the best dad I could’ve asked for.” Noritoshi looked down at the ground, a smile fully formed on his lips.

“That’s good.” She glanced at him a couple times before she began to fidget, picking at her nail beds.

“I… I’m sorry for making you worry. I’ll be more careful in the future.” She moved her body to face his. She hesitantly wrapped her arms around him. He froze for a second before wrapping his arms around her.

“I’m sorry for not being there for you, for not being a better older brother, (Y/n).” She felt her emotions bubble their way to the surface.

“I forgive you, it’s not like I was the best sister either. Thank you for being here for me now.” They sat like that for a while, not moving. 

That night they opened their hearts for the other. After years of competing against each other, it was weird, but it was for the better. The two would still get into arguments about their… family, but now they were no longer alone in the Kamo clan. In the future they would slowly grow a bond and finally become the siblings they have longed to be for one another. But that’s the future. Tonight was the first step into becoming a family, towards healing.

─── ⋆⋅ December 2017 ⋅⋆ ─── 

The sound of laughter filled the air as everyone was somewhere in the kitchen baking. It was a mess, but they would deal with it when the time came. Satoru was watching in the doorway, watching as children got to be children. He had planned on consoling (Y/n) throughout the night, but can see that she’s distracted for now, so he went home to bother Megumi. He’ll cancel classes tomorrow and spoil everyone, like an amazing teacher would. 

“(Y/n)-san, where did you learn how to make cookies?” She was sitting on the counter as Inumaki was putting the cookies into the oven for a couple minutes longer. Maki and Panda were trying to stealthy eat the leftover batter even though she said not to since there were raw eggs in it, and Yuuta was standing to the side of her, very close.

“Su-” she took a deep breath before continuing, “ My brothers taught me how to make them. Any time I had a bad day, we would spend hours in here making cookies, brownies, cake. Anything sweet really, Toru loves sweets.” He kept on twisting the ring on his finger, his connection with Rika. He then looked at her and moved closer so that his stomach was touching her knee.

“Do you mean Geto?” She hums and nods. He was watching every little twitch she made, making sure she was okay and that he wasn't overstepping. The two continued to talk about everything, anything, and nothing as they waited for the cookies to be done. Inumaki eventually made his way over and stood shoulder to shoulder, well more like shoulder to arm, with Yuuta, effectively corralling (Y/n). She has a soft blush on her cheeks the more and more they move closer. She went to look around the room to see if the other two could save her from embarrassing herself, but they weren’t there.

How convenient.

“You know… since I call you by your first name, you should start calling me by mine.” There was a light blush on his cheeks as he said this.

“Yuuta… are you flirting with me?” That blush traveled to his ears. A slight nod of his head. (Y/n) leans in just a touch closer, though the blush she sported alo grew. She felt her blood rush to her head as Inumaki draw shapes on her thighs. 

“We’ll always be here for you. We will try our hardest to make sure Geto doesn’t hurt you.” She looks him dead in the eye and her face goes slack.

“Yuuta, Sugu-nii hurt me a long time ago. I- I appreciate the thought I really do, but I’d rather he hurt me than hurt anyone else. Actually, I’ve never told you about him, have I?” Yuuta shook his head. They all sank against the wall and onto the floor.

“Well, I first met him when I was four.”

─── ⋆⋅ September 2005 ⋅⋆ ─── 

It was a couple weeks since school started and the three first years had yet to actually become the friends they will be to one another in the future. Suguru and Satoru weren’t best friends quite yet, and Shoko hadn’t scammed her way to a medical degree either. They had yet to go through the horrific tragedy that was Riko Amanai’s and Haibara Yu’s death, Suguru had yet to adapt the ideology of wiping out all non-shamans. The future has yet to happen, but unfortunately it is inevitable.  

Satoru had been extra hyper that day, ready to get school over with faster than normal. He was getting on everyone’s nerves and Yaga had given up correcting him earlier within the day. When classes finally finished Yaga had pulled Satoru to the side and told him he needed to talk to him before Satoru could leave. 

Suguru had been on his way to his dorm room to finish his homework when he saw a small girl walking up the steps with a small bag wearing a formal, and quite beautiful, kimono. Suguru walked over to the girl and squatted down in front of her.

“Hi, I’m Geto. What’s your name?”

“Hi, I’m Akane.” The young girl did a deep bow and nearly fell over. She quickly raised herself, blushing from embarrassment. 

“Are you a firs’ year?” He raised a brow, wondering who this girl was, but nodded his head regardless.

“Do you need help? Did you get lost?” She shook her head, but Suguru still took her bag, holding it for her. She thanked him before asking if he knew where ‘Ru’ was. He was confused, seeing as he didn’t know a ‘Ru’, but told her he’d help her find him. It wasn’t long before it became apparent the girl knew more about the campus than he did. As they were turning the corner she heard a frantic ‘Akane’.

“ ‘Ru!” Akane smiled widely before taking off in the opposite direction. Suguru followed after her, however only needing to walk to keep up with her. When he saw Satoru making his way over to the girl, it finally clicked who ‘ru’ was. Satoru. He felt a little foolish for not catching on sooner, but watched as Akane launched herself into his arms, gripping for dear life. 

“Akane, I've told you not to wander off like that when I’m s’posed to meet you somewhere.” She tilted her head down and mumbled a small sorry. Satoru sighed before saying he’s sorry for taking so long. 

“Ah, sorry Gojo, it's my fault she wasn’t at the front. I was helping her look for you.” Satoru finally looked up from the girl, directing his eyes to his fellow classmate. 

“How annoying,” was all he said before getting up, while still holding the girl, and walking off. Suguru quickly followed when he remembered he still had the child’s bag. As he followed he saw Akane making silly faces at him and giggling. Suguru found it quite amusing, even more so when Satoru saw the exchanges the two were having. Satoru scoffed when he saw the young girl smile at his classmate.

“Are you jealous that she’s giving me attention, Gojo?” Satoru turned around with a disgusted look on his face. 

“Who would ever be jealous of you? You have weird bangs and an awful hairline.” Suguru pulled a face as if he’s sucked on a lemon and kicked his shin. 

“My hairline is not awful and my bangs are fine. You shouldn’t even be saying anything about my hair when your hair looks the way it does!” Satoru and Suguru were invading each other's personal space, faces an inch or two apart. 

“What about my hair, Geto?” Akane watched from her place in Satoru’s arms and laughed loudly. Both of them backed up and looked at the girl.

“You like each other!”

“... Huh?”

“Sensei says that if a boy picks on you it means he likes you. You pick on each other, so you like each other.” Oh how observant and blunt children can be. Both boys complained and made comments about how ‘wrong’ she was, but we as the readers (and those with common sense) know they’re just stupid. 

“Wait… Gojo, how do you know Akane? Is she from your clan?” Satoru looked him dead in the eye and with no hesitation responded.

“She’s my sister, you idiot. Ya know for someone who claims to be as smart as you are, you’re pretty stupid. How’d you think I knew her? Did you think I had a kid at eleven, that I kidnapped her and she has Stockholm syndrome?” Suguru looked to the side, letting out a nervous laugh.

“Oh my god you did, didn’t you?” Satoru shoved him before walking off with the girl, failing to remember her bag again.However, that may have been on purpose so a certain boy would be in his dorm later that night.

 When they finally got far enough Akane reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“You called me your sister! Does this make you m’ brother?” Satoru looked at the girl, a laugh falling through his lips.

“I’ve always been your brother, since the day I met you.”

That day (Y/n) gained a brother and discovered she had one all along. That day (Y/n) opened her heart to another person without meaning to. In the future he will walk off with a part of not only hers, but her brother’s as well. When that day arrives, her brother will be there to comfort her, to remind her that he’ll always be there. When that day arrives, (Y/n) will learn that sometimes ‘soulmates’ doesn’t mean forever. 

─── ⋆⋅ December 2017 ⋅⋆ ─── 

(Y/n) felt the tears make their way down her cheeks, she felt Yuuta hold her in his arms as Inumaki got up to take the cookies out of the oven. She felt safe, loved, and appreciated. When Inumaki came back, he brought a plate of cookies with him.

‘Do you want to go to your room, or one of ours?’

“ Mine, please.” Her voice was soft, almost like she was whispering. The three of them picked up their things and made their way to (Y/n)’s room. Yuuta had only seen her room in passing, never actually stepping inside. It felt taboo in a way, he’d never been in a girls room before. Though the way the couple held his hands, guiding him in, there is no way in hell he would walk away. 

Stepping into the room, he saw that her room was cluttered, not messy, but covered with items. He saw that there was barely any actual room to be seen. There was something covering nearly every inch. What caught his eye were the polaroids taking up a good chunk of her wall. Some were faded, discolored at the edges, while others were more recent. There were so many different people in the photos, but some were consistent. In an older one, he saw two boys holding (Y/n) at the beach. The boys held hands and one of them was giving the older one a kiss. He could see how bright everyone's smiles were. Upon closer inspection, he noticed that the boys looked familiar. Yuuta’s eyes widened as he turned around.

“(Y/n), is that sensei?” She looked over and nodded her head. 

“The boy next to him is Sugu-nii. They used to take me on trips with them all the time.” He saw the dates on the bottom of the pictures span across years. Small sticky notes to the side stuck close to the photos. Unlike the photos, he could tell that these weren’t old, they were relatively new. 

‘7/9/07 - last family trip to the beach’

‘4/12/07 - yu and ken-nii took me to the movies’

‘6/21/05 - first playdate with Nori’

‘5/17/05 - first playdate with Toge’

‘10/6/05 - last day with mother’

Yuuta watched silently as (Y/n) stood next to him, a vacant expression on her face, while she stared at them.

“What do you see when you look at these, Yuuta?” He looked confused at first before taking a closer look. What caught his eye was the way Geto seemed to go from a smiling, happy person to a cold, husk of a human. He also saw Gojo go from a carefree person to someone who bore a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He saw Shoko’s eyebags grow darker, he saw Nanami grow more distant, he saw (Y/n) having a harder time smiling. He could see how much it pains her to stare at the people that are no longer in her life. 

“You… you’re hurting all the time, aren’t you?” She looks at him, her eyes dulled just slightly. 

“I’ve seen the more brilliant shamans come in and out of these dorms. I’ve seen them pursue successful careers, I’ve seen them die while attending here. I’ve seen so many people who feel the same as Suguru, I’ve felt the same as him. After he left I still held hope that he wouldn’t stay gone. That he would come back. I would leave voicemail after voicemail, asking him when he’d be home, that we’d welcome him with open arms. I think Toru-nii still would, to be honest. He could never move on after he left. I keep these photos as a reminder, to remember the people I have lost, to remember those who didn't get a chance to grow old like I have.” He sees Inumaki reach out and hold her. He holds her against his chest, trying to offer any comfort he can. Yuuta looks at Inumaki, silently asking him if it truly was okay for him to be seeing this, for him to comfort her. 

Inumaki reaches his hand out, an invitation for him, Yuuta hesitantly grabs his hand. Inumaki pulls him towards them and this time Yuuta doesn’t hesitate. He wraps his arms around the people he cares deeply about. He holds them for the rest of the night, taking his place in their hearts and solidifying his place in their lives. 

─── ⋆⋅ September 2007 ⋅⋆ ── 

The day started fairly bland if anything. The sun was slightly hidden by the clouds, it wasn’t too hot or too cold, (Y/n) hadn’t slept in and she made sure to carefully make her way from her brothers tangled limbs and tiptoed out of Suguru’s room before leaving. 

She went to school and no one said anything mean, she got a good score on her spelling test and she wasn’t late home. Suguru had told her before (Y/n) left for school that he would take her out for ice cream if she had done a good job. He had said that he would be there waiting for (Y/n) at the school gates. 

He wasn’t.

The six year old had thought that maybe he was busy, or that he lost track of time, although three missed calls later she decided to go home. Satoru had gotten her a phone after what happened the year before with the older kids bullying her so she could get help if she needed it. 

Throughout the walk back to the school, she had hoped that he would be there to greet her.

He wasn’t. 

She had sat in the kitchen, waiting for him to pop up and fulfill his promise of ice cream.

He hadn’t. 

She had sat on his bed doing her homework, hoping he was busy with a mission or out with Satoru.

He wasn’t. 

She had been wandering the halls, looking for him, when she heard her older brother yelling. It was then she thought that maybe he had died. That he wouldn’t be coming back. 

He hadn’t died. 

She watched as Satoru screamed and screamed, hoping for an explanation. 

She wouldn't get one for a long time.

She saw her brother a couple days later sitting on the steps of the school, eyes red, face swollen, as he explained to her simply. 

“Sugu-nii won’t be coming home, (Y/n).”

“Did he die?”

“...no, not physically.” 

She had waited for Suguru anyway, waiting for him to come back and make Satoru feel better. 

He never came.

One day after school she walked and walked to see if she could find Suguru herself. 

She did.

“Sugu-nii? Is that you?”  she watched as he turned around, surprised to see her there. He had been talking to an older man with a faint mustache on his upper lip and spiky hair. 

“(Y/n), what are you doing all the way over here? It’s not safe. Where’s Satoru?” She looked at him. She saw that his eye bags were gone, that the slump in his shoulders was no longer there, that he was gaining weight again. She also noticed that his hair was no longer in the tight bun he usually wore. 

“ ‘re you feeling better?” His eyes widened a small fraction and smiled.

“ I am. Where is Satoru?”  She looked to the side quickly for looking back at him.

“He’s not here. I don’t think he’d notice right now.” He frowned slightly before kneeling down in front of the girl. 

“I’m sure he will, (Y/n). He’s just moping about. Satoru will be back to normal soon.” She shook her head.

“ It’s like you died, Sugu-nii. I don’t like it at all. Are you coming home soon?” He looked at the girl, thinking of what to say next. 

“(Y/n), I’m not coming back.” (Y/n)’s brows furrowed before looking back at Suguru.

“What d'ya mean you’re not coming back? You have to, so we can be a family again!” He let out a heavy sigh. How do you tell the person who you view as a little sister, who you know if you stayed with you’d view her as your daughter, that you’re leaving and have no intentions of coming back? Suguru didn’t want to hurt her anymore than he already has or will, but he knew he couldn’t let her continue to hope that one day things will go back to normal. Even if he did, he would be executed for his actions. He reached for his wrist, taking off his bracelet, and handed it to the girl.

“Here, (Y/n), so you can remember me. Satoru has a matching one, you’ll be his only family now, so you need to take care of him. Okay?” She looked at him confused.

“But you’re family too.” He opened his mouth then quickly closed it again. Suguru looked at the sky before looking back at her.

“I hope you’ll forgive me one day, or at least try to, but I’ve found a new family. One who understands me, who won’t judge me.” The small girl looked confused. All this time she had thought that they were a family, a happy family. (Y/n) thought that the love they had for one another would be invincible. Tears welled up in her eyes that she tried to fight back. 

“But I love you, isn’t that enough?” Suguru was at a loss for words. He had been the one to preach to the girl that love can save people, that respect can save people. How could he face her after everything he’s said?  

“I will always love you, you and Satoru, but I can’t stay in that place anymore. I was in pain and now I’m not,” he rose from where he was and pulled the girl into one more hug, “when you’re older, you can come find me, but for now you need to stay with your family.” 

(Y/n) hadn’t understood it at the time, but she did get older. As she grew up, she poured over the files of her brother, trying to understand why he did what he did. She sat at the steps of the cult for hours at a time, trying to get a glimpse of him. She even tried to go in, but (Y/n) could never open the door. 

As she grew older, she began to understand where Suguru was coming from, but that didn’t mean she agreed with it. She continued to deny her brother's actions, still clinging onto the hope he would be there when she woke up. 

He wasn’t. 

____

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@staygoldsquatchling02

@illyrian-moonswarrior

-omg guys I’m so funny!!1! I was not originally planning on making this have so much angst, but i changed my mind later lol. The next chapter, ‘bona fide’ will be the final fight in jjk0 and bringing us to season one of jjk, which should be released 9/23. The next chapter after that, ‘purple lilac blooms’ will be a 5+1 fic which should be released 9/30. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked it!

[fanficsforloki]

To Prove To You - Chapter five

Series Masterlist

Word count: 5.3k

Series summary: Nereide is a sea nymph with a peculiarity: She knows how to control her element (water) and has magical abilities. Poseidon, aware of that, decides to send her to Asgard as a student of Frigga. She studies with Loki, and as they grow up, they begin to develop feelings for each other. But what if Odin's plans for her get in the way?

Chapter Summary: brief flashback of the First Time they talk about Nereide's magic. Finally Nereide joins the warriors.

Content: unestablished relationship, friends to lovers, fwb, platonic love, romance, angst, fluff, loss of verginity

Content warnings: smut, melancholy, dacryphilia, Loki is a fabulous bitch with a big heart and a witty sense of humor, a bit over dramatic and very clever. He's sensitive, but hides his feelings and acts really rough around Nereide also because he likes to see her pouting and eventually becoming even more clingy.

Chapter warnings: bdsm, toxic relationship, abuse, Loki likes to shift into his female version.

To Prove To You Playlist

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*years before*

“i have to go to the Sea,my home, right now. Wait for me, alright? Please, i will be back soon”

“Wait, you can’t just wak away like that! I’ll be good this time, i promise!”

“See you in the afternoon, trickster God!”

And with that, Nereide gave a soft kiss on both his cheeks and ran away.

“Oh…”

Loki’s eyes widened with surprise, his cheeks blushing crimson red.

“I…didn’t know what to expect…Well” he tried to recover himself and smiled.

“I shall see you then…

Nereide…”

As she came back, a few hours later, the young girl founf the kid sitting in his mother’s garden.

“Hello there”

Without even turning to look at her, he had noticed her soft steps on the grass. She was the only one walking barefoot all around there, and besides that, no one could surprise Loki.

As he tured himself to look at her, he didn’t look like the usual bully he was around her.

Th look on his face was…odd, as though he was looking at things in a different way. He looked a bit wiser, and older.

“How was the Ocean?”

“Well, hiii” Nereide reached him, bowing delicately. “The Ocean is dull, and wet, and dark. I prefer the surface way more.”

“Oh um, of course…that makes sense. I must say, i never expected you to…well, come back here. You see…i’ve never had a friend like you, i’ve never had a friend at all. Oh dear, nevermind, did you do anything fun or…?”

The amusement in her giggles stopped him from talking.

“Oh no, not all, everything was just boring. I just had to see my sisters to tell them i’m still alive though,it’s been days since my last departure.”

She looked at him right in the eyes. Everytime she went to the sea, her eyes seemed more golden than usual.

“Would you like to do something together or shall i go in the library and study?”

Loki’s teal eyes sparkled with a mixture of hope and desire. He’s smile was genuine, and kind, Nereide thought she was in front of another kid.

“Woul you…study with me? You see, you helped me so much during our first year…”

Didn’t he want something back? That was weird. He never did something without receiving something back.

But he looked so sincere that Nereide didn’t even think about it.

“Of course i would! Can you also help me with my trainin? I suck ass with the sword” She grabbed his arm, gesturing him to stand up.

“Your mother said she will soon examine me with alchemy so i need a recap about it and-…Are you alright? You seem a little lost in thoughts. Something happened?”

“…Yes.”

It was because of her.

He began to learn more about himself, and about friendship. He was learning to let go of the past, as if he was changing for the better.

The truth is, Nereide hadn’t changeanything in him. He wasthe one who accepted that side of him. But he ddn’t have to let go of his mischievous side, that was adorable too! Loki was all of that, and Nereide simply adored him entirely.

Even though his father blamed him for everything. Even though he wanted to get rid of all his brothers.

“Bu right now, shall we just study!?”

She laughs at his repentine change of demeanor and they went to the library.

They went straight to the reading corner. The library was a huge space in th palace. They often got lost in there, and that was their focal point.

Nereide sat at the desk, dragging an armchair under her butt.

“Will you be my Professor then?”

“I would be honored to be your teacher, Nereide. Now, are you prepared…to take…lots…of notes?” he said with a playful simle.

“You’re always sooo dramatic.” She took from a drawer everything she needed, placing it on he desk. “All in. I’m ready to be brainwased.”

He was just a kid, yet he knew so much about everything. He wasn’t brave like Tyr, good like Hoder, fierce like Balder, not even a little close to Thor’s magnificent, buthe was indeed the smartest. And he was so peculiar in his whole being thatto Nereide’s eyes he was…special. Simply that, he was also the only one who was actually a true friend. The did fight a lot though, but it was part of the game.

He thaught her about chemical structures, and all thevarious reactionsand interactions, as well as different ways to achieve the different results. He explained her the elements of magic that he used to mke things work and to make the process more efficient. He even thought her an alchemical version of the three laws of magic, as a preventative measure.

Nereide wrotedown everything, her hand aching after twenty pages of it but she was very happy of their work.

As they finished that, they began wit reviewing the fundamentals of magic.

“Ready?”

“Mh.”

“Good, what’s the first law of magic?”

“Allright um, the first law: it is forbidden to touch the Other Side directly. It is forbidden to communicate with the world below, forbidden to summon demons and forbidden to open the gates to Hel.”

“Yes.Do you know why…it is forbidden to summon demons?”

As Loki waited for her to respond, he sketched a rough outline of a demon in her papers.

Then he continued.

“Demons cannot be controlled. Demons have an insatiable need for power and blood…They never stop, their greed is eternal. They have no loyalty, they are not even beings of their own…They’re created from the void…”

As he watched Nereide getting sort of scared, he knew she was going to ask him if he ever tried it.

“I have watched someone try…There i a reason why the ban exists.”

He looked at the demon in the sketche in disgust, yet he smirked, dropping the book on the desk to cause a loud thud.

“Let’s summon one!”

Nereide squealed, jumping off of her armchair as Loki was laughing at her.

“Not at all!” she screamed, shaking her head. She stood up on the armchair, her dirty little feet were leaving fooprints on the material.

“You see, i’m studying white magic to combine with my powers. What differentiates the colors of magic is its intent. But the forces that come into play and the procedures fr performing the rituals are also different. Wite magic is associated with purity, candor and positivity, and it defines its respect and knowledge of nature and its laws. It exploits the energies of nature working in synergy with them, without forcing.”

“…I must say white magic is a better option compared to dealing with demons right now…But how do you cast white magic? I do work with nature too, but i don’t need that. Do you use a wand or something?” he was mocking her a little, making fun of her pride as she explained him her way of working.

“Huh, i don’t need a wand because my powers are already in me???That’s a dmb question. You see, i have to cast speels to have more control on my element”

“So you cast a cirle, but wit your hands, is that correct?”

She nodded and formed a water sphere, letting it float in the air.

“Well you know her well already, don’t you? Look closer: You can see there’s a magic circle inside it”

“I do know her well, very well actually” he took a step back from that thing. He was afraid she was goin to splash him as usual.

“So, you create magic circles, by channeling your own energy?” he asked, sketching the runes of a white magic circle in the air.

Nereide shrugged.

“I solely use some science here. Water molecules form hydrogen bonds with each other and are strongly polar. This polarity allows it to dissociate ions in salts and bond to other polar substances such as alcohols and acids, thus dissolving them. Its hydrogen bonding causes its many unique properties, such as having a solid form less dense that its liquid form, a relatively high boiling point of 100°C for its molar mass, and a high heat capacity. Lonf story short: i use magic circles like athoms and divide them.”

“To say i’m impressed isn’t enough. But in this case, don’t you risk to be consumed by your own power?”

“You know, i can only use magic when i have water near me, but water is also in the air, so no big deal. It’s not dangerous, and it takes a lot of concentration, just as yours. This has nothing to dowith alchemy, but i can regenerate through water. I can heal my wounds with it.”

“…and that’s all natural”

“Your mother helps me a lot with it”

“I am jealous now”

“you’re always envy.”

“And you make me lose my mind with all this Magic talking.”

She was mad of course, but she couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re…you’re so sweet”

“…i am not sweet. I am evil, i am chaos, i am the trickster god! You do not call me sweet!”

“…i hate you.” She walked straight to the door. “I hate you so much! You always go back to the start point! You never listen to me, never! I shouldn’t have trusted you.”

“I am Loki, you cannot hate Loki! I am the most powerful being in all of the Norse Realm! You cannot hate a god,you do not hate me!. Do you???”

He stomped his foot as he said it, tears of rage welling from his eyes.

“I DO! I hate Loki with all myself!!! Because you hate me in the frst place. What’s this huh? Pushing me away? Fine.”

“I DID NOT SAY YOU COULD LEAVE. You will stay here and you will listen!!!”

“You already said enough.” She stormed outside “You said all those things to me, fooling me, making me think i was special to you, but you just wanted to know something about my magic an use it against me, i’m sure of it!”

“…you have no idea who you’re talking to”

“I’M TALKING TO THE BASTARD THAT HAD JUST BROKEN MY TRUST”

“YOU’RE AN IDIOT!”

“YOU’RE THE IDIOT HERE WHO THROWS A TANTRUM BCAUSE I SAID YOU’RE SWEET. YOU’RE AWFUL”

They were shouting on the stairs. It was quite funny o see this two kids walking alongside like besties while they were nearly at their throats.

“…AFTER ALL I’VE DONE YOU CALL ME AWFUL!?”

“YES.”

“FINE.”

“I WON’T TALK WITH YOU ANYMORE.”

“SAME.”

“…should we stop? And get back to our friendship? It’s horrible to fight like this.”

“…I could go on for two eternities.”

She rolled her eyes. “Sorry, for calling you awful. I don’t even believe my words”

“…You would really forgive me?”

“Yes, because we are friends, and we promised to stay always together no matter what happens. Till the end of the world”

“Do you think that’s a fairytale? “

“No, i just think that fighting like siblings i’s getting boring”

“I see us more like two bitches.”

“…THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU SAY A BAD WORD, LOKI”

“shush it. Seriously, you would still be friends wth me? Even though everything i stand for is evil???”

Nereide nodded at his words.

“It’s you. Evil or not, it’s always been you. And that’s who i will protect forever. Remember that. Pinkie promise.”

“But my sins are too grievous to be forgotten…”

“I have made up my mind”

“…fine. I accept your forgivness, i accept the promise of friendship. It shall be a promise as old as time…As unbreakable as the Yggdrasil.”

“It is!”

“Let us never leave one another’s side. We will never part, and we will never forget this bond”

And by saying it, they locked their pinkies together.

***

***

-Spread your legs more.

She obeyed. Impotent out of choice, submissive because she wanted to be.

She leaped up from her chair.

She found it hard to stand straight and realised that she was drunker than she thought.

Control was out of her hands. She felt like an object, a mere instrument, and incredible though it may seem, that feeling of submission gave her a sense of complete freedom.

-Take off your clothes.

The order was delivered abruptly, without a flicker of desire, and yet, nothing could have been more erotic. Keeping her head down as a sign of reverence, Sif unbuttoned her dress and let it slip to the floor.

-You’re not behaving yourself, you know.

You need to be punished. How dare a woman like you contradict me? You should be on your knees before me!

Sif made as if to kneel down, but his slap right across her face brought her up short; for the first time, Thor touched her flesh. It stung, but seemed to leave no mark.

-Did I tell you to kneel down?

-No.

Another slap across her left cheek.

-Say, “No, sir!”

-No sir!

For a fraction of a second, it occurred to her that she could either stop this right now or else choose to go through with it, because of what he had said the first time – that you only know yourself when you go beyond your limits.

And this was new, it was an Adventure, and she could decide later on if she wanted to continue, but at that moment, she had ceased to be the girl who had met a man who had an open fire and interesting stories to tell. Here, she was no one, and being no one meant that she could be everything she had ever dreamed of.

In his room, Sif layed on the bed.

-Pretty desperate, aren’t you?

Thor asked, laughing.

-Yes.

-For God’s sake, why? We have plenty of time.

-How long?

-As long as you want it,

he said, ambiguously.

Thor never really wanted a relationship. He didn’t need that, he didn’t care about romance.

He was too indipendent to think about someone else. He was selfish, better to say. He was irresponsible, and he knew that Sif had deep feelings for him.

But he couldn’t care less. She was his little trophy, his relief valve.

He was, cruely and merely, using her.

That’s why, when he was commanding her all over his bedroom, she could only think about Loki and Nereide leaving the library together.

She knew, she always knew that Loki was falling for that girl more each day.

What a bitch, what a scandalous and outrageous creature.

Se gained the respect from the most unrespectful god of Asgard.

Nereide had gotten into Loki's good graces by doing…nothing. She didn't fight during battles, she couldn't hold the alcohol, she didn't have tenacity. She limited herself to walking arm in arm with Frigga and annoying the group of their friends by always sitting a little far from them, looking at them with her petty smile. Sif couldn't understand how they all fell at her feet. Loki wasn't even as stupid as the others, yet he was the one who remained underneath her most of all.

Sif hated her. Nereide was just a whore. That's what nymphs do, right? They are just instruments of pleasure for the gods, only ready to cause harm.

She would put her back where it belonged.

At the cost of drowning her in her own blood.

She wanted to tell Thor what she had discovered...

**

A few days went by, and Loki found somewhere in the palace some cats. The kittens were chasing after one another and Loki seemed to like them, sitting on the ground with his legs crossed.

-Loki!

-…What has called you back, dear? Are you lookin for som drama?

Nereide sat on the ground with him.

-Leave the drama to itself. Where did you find tese babies?

-I’m their mother now.

-You’re a man…

Loki shapeshifted himself into his female self after Nereide’s assumption.

-Since when???

Nereide rolled her eyes. It wasn’t the first time he did that. He did it everytime he sneaked into her room, because of her “no boys allowed” rule.

If the male Loki was a stunner, his female version was no different.

-They are mine now. I have taken these puppies under my wing, and i will protect and train them so that one day, they may become chaos creators. Like Mommy!!! Isn’t that right Fluffy children?

-Oh no, You’re planning on forming a Cat Army, really scary…

Said Nereide, sarcastically.

-Now you are the goddess of Cats.

-Cat army? I would never be so pedestrian!

Nereide facepalmed herself.

-Oh dear, this is gonna be a looong day i think. Can i take one? I wanna pet a kitty, please.

As Loki nodded, Nereide took a kitty in her hands and rubbed her nose against his, scooping near to Loki.

-Aren’t they the cutest creatures of the universe? I love cats.

She lay down on the ground and let the cat stumble on his little paws on her

-I would love to live in a world ruled by cats, it would be so much better. And oh, by the way, you kinda look like a cat.

-Do i? That’s a ridiculous notion.

As Loki talked, te cat lay on Nereide’s chest and started to knead the air with its paws, as if it was trying to make bread. Loki smiled, leaning over her.

-You have such a cat behaviour, you know?

-Scandalous accusation.

As the two giggled, Loki pressed her lips on Nereide’s ones.

-You’re not going to tell me that you need some time alone because your feelings are too strong and you tend to emphasize everything i say or do, aren’t you?

Loki asked her. Her slender fingers were tracing Nereide’s gracious face as she shook her head a no.

-Not at all, it’s hard to leave you, and i don’t want to. I always wanted to be with you…But i am afraid something’s going to change.

Nereide sat up, staring into Loki’s eyes.

Loki’s lips parted, she was completely taken aback from Nereide’s words.

She stood up, running her fingers through her silk black hair and walking in circle around Nereide.

-Love is a powerful thing, Neri. It can build kingdoms or bring ruin to them. Love is powerful, it can be good, or it can be the cause of destruction…

Love is so many different things and i am not sure if i can comprehend it. Because…i believe in love, but how can a woman who’ve never seen light be enlighted?

Nereide was silent for a few minutes, before standing up.

-Loki, love is a dagger, i think. It’s a weapon to be wielded far away or up close. You can see yourself in it. And it’s beautiful, until it makes you bleed.

Loki nodded, with her arms crossed as she continued to walk in circle.

She gave her back to Nereide, looking outside the wide window.

-I suppose then the question is: will you be the one to guide the dagger, to wield it? Or the one who bleeds.

-It needs two people at least

Nereide shrugged.

Loki squatted, looking bck again at the kittens.

The kitty that Nereide held all the time waswiggling its little paws with all the energy of a newborn as it tried to catch the courtain. Loki petted its belly, making it purr happily.

-I think we will both bleed, somehow.

**

Loki raised his eyebrows looking at her and shook his head.

Nereide gave him a confused look, mimicing a “what???” with her lips.

He sigghed, looking straight in front of him.

-You just look like you’re going to start crying and i have no idea why that might be. You’re not one to get emotional in these situations.

Nereide shook her head and leaned near him, whispering:

-I can’t stand formal situations.

-Oh.

Loki smiled a little and leaned near her in response.

-So you get pissed as well.

She put a finger on her lips and bowed her head in the direction of the throne. That morning, Odin was communicating that Thor was going to be his heir to the throne.

What a disgrace, the sun was shining so high and they were all locked in the palace.

At Loki’s side there were Thor and their friends.

-Okay, at my signal, we leave the hall. Pass it on.

Loki nodded, whispering back.

-Okay, okay. How?

-We just walk away ay ayyy

She patted Thor’s arm behind Loki and told him the same thing.

-Wait, that seems like should be a serious offense to our father, it’s not allowed.

-Of course not.

Thor answered, taking him from his sleeve and dragged him outside with the others.

-That’s the first good idea Nereide came up with.

Said Sif

-SHHHH!

They were walking fast down the corridor, earing Odin’s voice calling for Thor.

After they got out of the castle and away from the formal gathering, Loki leaned in to Nereide.

-They will come looking for us in less than a minute.

-You will come up with something, I know you will.

Thor just took them both on his shoulders.

-ALLRIGHT NEUROSIS KIDS, IT’S TIME TO GO ON A CLASSIC THOR ADVENTUREEE

-What!? Put me down, now! You terrible bugaboo!

Loki shouted.

Thor hugged them both and just laughed.

-THOR THIS IS NOT OKAY. THIS IS INEXCUSABLE

Thor was spinning round.

-WE HAVE DUTIES AS GODS, WE CANNOT SIMPLY FLEE FROM OUR RESPONSIBIIILITIIIES!

-Loki you’re so lame! It was ending by the way, so it is not a big deal if we left.

-Thor, put him down, i think he’s going to vomit.

Fendral intervened taking Nereide away from him. Hogun and Volstagg joned him, observing the small girl.

-I think the baby fairy should stay here if we don’t want any trouble, huh?

Sif said, leaning over a tree and running her finger through her golden locks.

Loki grumbled as Thor set him down.

He glared ar Sif.

-And who even put you in charge?

Thor just pinched his cheek.

-oooh my little brother is becoming such a maaan.

Fendral rose an eyebrow to him.

-…He’s literally one year younger than you.

Loki glared at Thor.

-I will make you pay for disrespecting me like that.

-Don’t make fun of him like that. Also, it was my idea to leave the ceremony, so of course i’m coming with you all.

Nereide nearly growled as she walked in front of them all, heading to the Bifrost.

-…She has some Nerves.

Volstagg laughed.

Hogun put an arm around Loki’s shoulder as they all walked behind Nereide.

-She spends so much time with our Loki here that she acts like him…Or should i say…

He mocked Nereide’s voice.

-Lolooo

Everybody laughed at that.

-Oh no guys, you don’t want to go on an adventure with me. I’m insufferable, i’m not that great at magic and i’m a massive drama queen!

Loki freed from Hogun’s hold and stopped, ready to go back to the castle. He didn’t want to get in trouble, as he always did.

-You’re just saying bullshit because you want to stay here and act like a lamb when our father discovers it.

Thor took Loki bridal style and ran away.

-Heimdall, hi!

He said enthusiastically.

-Long time no see

Sif scoffed.

-You saw us yesterday.

-Please, bring us where we could have fun.

Heimdall opened the Bifrost for them and Thor leaded the way.

Loki huffed and crossed his arms as they walked through the Bifrost.

-This is going to suck. I just know it.

Thor put him down only when they arrived.

-…Okay uhm, now what?

Asked Nereide as they stood at the entrance of what seemed like a tropical forest.

Fendrall brought his hands to his mouth.

-Oh my goodness, this is the first time Nereide is with us!

Loki stood at her side, rolling his eyes.

He didn’t like the idea to have Nereide around them.

-I’m sure this will be such a great time.

He said with obvious sarcasm.

Thor walked ahead.

-Let’s find some creatures to slash!

He turned to Loki.

-You keep an eye on Nereide. Mom is killing us if she gets injuried.

Sif looked at Nereide with disgust as they walked through the forest.

-Oh, i am baby-sitting now??? That’s going to be a blast.

Nereide lightly kicked Loki in the leg.

-I don’t need a babysitter.

She walked away from him and glared back at Sif.

-…Bitch

-I wouldn’t say it too loudy if i were you. She doesn’t like when people defy her.

-I don’t care, i can’t stand people that hate on me without a reason.

Fendral walked right in the middle of them, putting his arms on their shoulders.

-Oh, come on! Can you both please try to be more…mooore…uhhhm?

Volstagg kicked him in the ass.

-Fendral you’re so dumb, you don’t even know how to talk.

Loki rolled his eyes as the two began to kick each other.

-Oh my goodness, Fendral, what was even that!?

Nereide took him, Fendral and Volstagg with her.

-Okay, hear me out: what if we just challenge Thor, Sif and Hogun and we have a battle right here?

-They would slaughter us.

Nereide took Loki’s arm, shaking him

-Come ooon! Just for fun!

Fendral stopped walking, looking all around.

-Wait, where are they now?

Whoops, they got lost.

-Crap, Where are we?

Volstagg said.

Loki huffed once again

-I don’t know…This is what i get for trying to have fun. Being lost in some godforsaken forest.

Fendral shook his head, trying to decide which path take.

-This is what you get when you were right and we should’ve stayed in Asgard.

-Shhh don’t tell him he’s right.

Nereide chuckled as she hopped away.

Volstagg took her by her forearm, glaring at her.

-This is your fault, Nereide.

Nereide widened her eyes.

-…Why only mine!?

Loki turned and glared at everyone with a look that told them precisely what he was thinking of the current situation.

-Don’t blame her, this is clearly a group effort.

Nereide splashed Volstagg with some water. As he left her, she formed a spear made of ice and walked into the forest.

-Let’s find the others.

Fendral looked at her in disbelief and then turned to Loki.

-Is she always like this!?

-Yes, unfortunately.

He smirked.

-She’s so frustrating.

He seemed a mix ofexasperated, embarassed and amued.

-…Well, she’s hot.

Fendral responded.

-We are not having this conversation right now.

Volstagg was drying his beard.

-I’m gonna beat the crap out of her.

Fendral put his arm around Loki’s shoulder.

-Uuuh oooh, it seems you are aware of that.

Loki turned a deeper shade of red as he pushed Fendral away.

-I am way above thoughts such as that, let alone…acting on those.

-…You two smashed.

-…I SAID WE’RE NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.

Loki stomped down the path in the forest, making sure he was leading the way so he didn’t have to look at the other three while they talked about him.

-Please, leave him alone. Don’t make fun of him.

Nereide had zero clue of what they were talking about and as she finished talking, Volstagg attacked her.

She dodged his attack and turned herself into steam, flowing away and turning herself on a tree.

-How dare you!?

She threw him an ice dagger and the two began to fight.

-…Should we separate them?

Fendral asked, watching them with his arms crossed. Same as Loki.

-Hm, tough call.

Fendral was looking at how Nereide skills mimicked Loki’s. And she was totally beating up Volstagg.

-Why didn’t you let her come with us before? She’s super skilled.

Loki nods, staring at how Nereide combined perfectly the combact tecniques with her magic.

-Well, i wasn’t sure wether she would be a benefit or a burden.

He lied, and Fendral patted his shoulder.

-She has to join us! She’s not like Sif though, but she’s really good!

He said, and Loki smirked.

They both returned to look at her. Nereide and Volstagg were just playing now, having fun.

Fendral sigghed, with his arms crossed over his chest.

-…Look, we all know that you like her.

Loki muttered a shush as Nereide stepped on Volstagg that had just surrounded, chearing for her winning.

-She does like you back, remember that. I think we all know you two have something going on just by looking at you and-

Fendral was cut out by Thor shouting as he picked up Nereide.

-There you are! We were searching for all of you, what’s going on???

Loki looked at him in a “i told you so” way.

-What about Nereide becoming our new team member?

Thor threw Nereide in the air and catched her a few times.

-WOW, FINALLY. But she’s your responsibility.

Loki nodded.

-Gladly.

He smiled at Nereide.

[maerambles]

Chapters 27 and 28

Keeper of the Lost Cities - Shannon Messenger (October 2, 2012)

Was hoping to get this done by my Birthday, but unfortunately this book is much longer than I remember. The first book always has a lot of information, so hopefully I’ll be quicker at these when there’s more action that I can review and less facts/worldbuilding.

The thick fabric consisted of an amalgam of metals, made to dull telepathic abilities and preserver the integrity of the exam. But the second she concentrated she could feel Dex’s voice rushing through her mind like a blast of air, so it clearly didn’t work on here. (Ch. 27, p. 260)

I wonder why this is the case and why Sophie didn’t let anyone know, specifically Tiergan.

Tiergan was so amazed that the thinking cap had no effect on her, he gave an automatic 100 percent. (Ch. 27, p. 260)

Ok, nevermind!

“I skipped Level One.” [Keefe] (Ch. 27, p. 261)

Is photographic memory that beneficial? I feel like those with photographic memory should be taught things differently if they can process the classes so quickly.

“Will you be picking the secrets out of my brain, then?” [Lady Galvin] (Ch. 27, p. 262)

This is such a weird way to talk to your 12 year old student? I understand that she doesn’t like children (especially Sophie) but they still deserve respect. She’s giving Snape.

Ruckleberries were nasty, stinky little berries that brought impurities to the surface of a metal. They also made your skin wrinkle like an elderly human’s if any of the juice got on you - and you’d smell like feet all day- so most alchemists used other methods to purify metal. (Ch. 27, p. 263)

Foreshadowing! Nice to see some of it, Miss Messenger.

The next day everyone filled each other’s hat with presents and opened them while their parents met with their Mentors to find out their grades. (Ch. 27, p. 264)

This is so cute! Is this the equivalent of Christmas in the Lost Cities? Would love to know more about the history of this holiday and why it came to be.

Confetti and flowers covered the floor, and giant bubbles filled with prizes floated through the halls. (Ch. 28, p. 267)

The way I would be popping those bubbles like crazy!

A tiny part of her had been hoping she’d find Fitz at his locker, but all she found was a long line of Level Four girls, all of whom glared at her when she added her small, teal-wrapped package to his nearly full hat. The glaring turned even uglier when she added a bright green box to Keefe’s collection.

Girls. (Ch. 28, p. 267-8)

The obvious misogyny in this book is insane? We can’t even go five chapters without snide little comments like this degrading girls as boy obsessed. I know it gets better but...

The family resemblance was striking, though Keefe’s disheveled hairstyle and untucked skirt contrasted his dad’s slicked blond hair and pristine tunic. (Ch. 28, p. 269)

I’m sorry but this man is literally Lucious Malfoy. Down to the way he speaks of Sophie lol.

“See how disappointing your scores will be this time.” [Lord Cassius] (Ch. 28, p. 270)

I hate this man. Imagine saying this to Keefe, a kid that was literally so smart he was able to skip a whole entire grade.

“This coming from someone who looks like a giant lollipop. If your head gets any bigger, you’ll topple over.” [Sophie] (Ch. 28, p. 271)

Was not expecting Sophie to randomly give out this sick burn to Stina.

Sophie nudged his arm, pulled a packet to her satchel - the Disneyland watch she’d been wearing when she moved to the Lost Cities. (Ch. 28, p. 271)

Oh? This wasn’t in my head when I was picturing Sophie moving in to the Lost Cities. Disney’s gonna eat this up.

“Vice president of the Sophie Foster Fan Club.” [Keefe] (Ch. 28, p. 273)

Random, but this club that Keefe keeps mentioning is so funny to me for some reason because Keefe is so right, there is very much a Sophie Foster Fan Club.

“Your hat was overflowing, so it’s waiting in your locker.” [Keefe] (Ch. 28, p. 274)

This makes me even more sad for Dex who had an almost empty hat. I think a definite problem with this holiday is that it’s clearly going to show who is more well off and popular. Sophie is giving my vibes as being an “unpopular” girl but the fact that her hat was overflowing I’m assuming she has a lot more friends (or at least people who like her) than we think. Remembering the Sophie Foster Fan Club, it’s probably bigger than we think. Anyways, #JusticeforDex

Biana gave her a set of edible lip glosses, and Jensi gave her a speckled spider snapper - a plant that fed off spiders. Clearly he didn’t know how to shop for girls. (Ch. 28, p. 275)

Sophie, what are you talking about? This is so cool and useful? Let’s all show some respect to Jensi!

Marella’s boy craziness must be rubbing off on her. (Ch. 28, p. 277)

Folks, are we keeping track of this nonsense?

He was more interested in teasing her about Valin, or teasing Fitz about all the girls who gave him crush cuffs - wristbands embroidered with their names, hoping he’d wear them and show the whole school he liked them. (Ch. 28, p. 278)

This got me thinking - Is there a holiday similar to Valentine’s day in the Lost Cities? They seem to care a lot about matchmaking so it would make sense.

“Yeah, busy juggling two girlfriends,” Keefe interrupted.

Alvar grinned. “Three.” (Ch. 28, p. 279)

The way I was about to be excited that there is a poly character in the serious, but I have a feeling that not all the girls are aware that they all have the same boyfriend...

The curve of the swan’s neck matched the pattern of the fires that wrapped around San Diego. (Ch. 28, p. 281)

I feel like humans would be able to tell via satellite that the fires over San Diego were showing a large fire in the image of a swan FOR MONTHS on end.

Sorry for the late review, hopefully I can get a few more chapters done before Stellerlune comes out!

[yeahimaloser]

Oooo I also got another good request how about a hawks x reader childhood friends they grow up together she took his punishments for him yk they have each other’s back and then in the future a villian attack and she ALMOST dies but no she gets save then hawks realizes he loves her and it’s all fluff at the end eek

Ok so, I literally love this request so much, I have no idea why it took me so long to write, but it's finally done!

Oh my god it took so long.

they/them pronouns used.

8k words! please enjoy!

16+ a bit suggestive at the end.

. . .

You sniffed, a hand wiping across your face as tears stung your eyes.

You had been training with the commission for a while now, almost a month to be exact. And it was so hard. In fact, it felt more like they were specifically targeting you.

You looked over at one of the other kids in the commissions program, Keigo, he seemed to have no problem with this exercise, in fact, you would have thought he was excelling at it.

But you could only sit and watch as his little wings flew past you.

You were only pulled from your family recently, but you knew that Keigo was here longer than you were. You rarely talked to him since your arrival, maybe it was because part of you didn’t want to become friends with anyone, maybe it was a small way of acting out, you didn’t know why, but you didn’t like him. He was just so much better than you.

Ever since you first came here, you’ve felt weak. You felt inferior to Keigo, you couldn’t help but compare yourself to him, watching exciede everyones expectations.

Compared to him, you were nothing but a dull blade.

You look down at your hands, cursing them as if that would do you any good. Your eyes stung again, the dust prickling against your eyelids.

The exercise was not supposed to be a difficult one, in terms of the gruelling training practices that they made you do, this one was pretty easy. All you had to do was get from one point in the commission's training facility, all the way to the other side of said facility. A simple running exercise. Although the floors were littered with traps, making it harder for you to get there, you knew it was supposed to be easy. And yet, for whatever reason, you had such immense difficulty.

Your quirk was mostly made for combat. It was the power they gave you the ability to control metal through your will. And although others might find it useful, you found it so difficult.

The problem was, your power was flashy, and yet not as easy to use as one might think. The metal had to touch you, which means that you have to get a hold of some metal object. And although technically you would be controlling it through your mind (Making it fly through the air at your own will) the object couldn’t be very heavy. Whatever metal object you wanted to use would weaken you. For example, controlling a knife was no problem, but controlling a 20 pound ball of metal was extremely difficult. which made your quirk almost completely useless here. Doing a running exercise, like you were doing now, there is little to nothing you could do with your quirk. The only times that your quirk would actually be useful, was during rescue missions or during an attack with multiple heroes in a big city with a lot of metal that you could touch. But that wasn't the case, and you hated it.

As you sat in the corner, trying desperately not to show your tears, you felt a gust of air as you looked up, only to be met with red wings.

“Are you…Ok?”

You never noticed how pretty his eyes were, the honey color’s made his features look so much softer.

After a few minutes, you realized he was still waiting for you to answer.

And for whatever reason, you felt your whole face becoming hot.

“I’m fine.” You said all too quickly.

He raises a bushy eyebrow at you, his face quizzical. “If you’re sure, but we are partners.”

You rolled your eyes.

You two were never truly partners. In this compound, there was only yourself to be concerned with.

“Stop pitying me, I can help myself.”

He smirked, “You say as if you’re not on the ground as we speak.”

You felt your face heating up again as you sprang to your feet, your eyes quickly narrowed, trying your best to seem composed.

“Why did you come back for me?”

But Keigo just shrugged, “Saw someone in need of help.”

That was the last straw.

You angrily stomped away. Who was he to judge you? Who was he to act like some hero? You knew he was the commission's golden boy, they loved him, he was their best weapon.

And you knew he was bright enough to know that as well. Although he never got any special treatment, you could tell by the way they trained him, how they paid more attention to his abilities and not so much the other’s.

Including you.

You felt something pull at you, something tugging you back.

You turned to see- a feather?

“Hey wait a sec,” Keigo said, “I wanna ask you something.”

Your face hardened, you two should be getting back to training soon, you knew the instructor would most likely yell at the two of you for falling too much behind.

“Ask your question and let's go,” you said, huffing.

“Do you want to be friends?”

The question caught you so off guard, causing you to stumble over a rock in front of you.

You whiped back to him, your eyes widen as you realized he was completely serious.

“Wha- friends? What the hell are you on about? There are no friends here, that's an idiot's dream.”

But Keigo only shrugged, “Well, then I guess I’m an idiot.”

You stared back at him, a look of pure disbelief written on your face.

Was he insane? Having friends here was almost imposible. The commission made sure of that, pitting you two against eachother, comparing you to one another, they made it so you would fight amongst yourselves.

“Why would you want to be friends with me?” You asked, your voice barely a whisper.

But he just shrugged, “Because I'm curious about you, and that crousity makes me want to befriend you.”

You stilled, thinking and thinking till your brain hurts.

“Look, you don’t have to say anything right now, I know I probably caught you off guard, and if you don’t want to, I understand… I think-I think I’m just lonely.”

You pursed your lips, still thinking it over in your mind before you grabbed his hand.

“Look, I’ll think about it, but first, let's get this race over with.”

Keigo smiled, blushing a bit as you two took off, hoping you two would becoming good friends.

. . .

And as time went on, you two did, in fact, become the best of friends.

By the time you were both teens, you and Keigo (or Hawks as his hero name) became the commissions pride and joy.

Although you were always so surprised that they didn’t want to through you out, Keigo was so much better than you, and you had fallen much behind him.

Keigo was faster, smarter and stronger, you knew that, you knew that all to well.

But, the commission never removed you, you continued to train to become a hero, right besides Keigo. A part of you wondered if maybe you were only kept on because of Keigo, maybe the commission saw how close you two were, watching how much you mattered to him, and maybe they thought they could use you to their advantage.

The thought made you shiver, mostly due to the fact that it wasn’t impossible, and more than likely.

One night, as you and Keigo lay under the stars on the roof of the commission's building, watching the night sky above.

Suddenly, Hawks turned to you, “Hey Y/N,” he said, “can I ask you something?”

You nodded your head, feeling your heart flutter.

“Do you....do you want to become a hero with me?”

You smiled, “Isn't that the whole reason we’re here? To become heroes?”

But Keigo just shook his head, “No I mean...what do you want to do? With your life?”

You took a pause, you’ve never really thought about it all that much. What did you want to do with your life? You’ve always just done what others have told you to do, always choosing to follow others rather than yourself.

You realized you had never thought about it before, never taking into consideration your feelings, you just worked to survive.

“...I don’t know.”

You hated saying it, it felt like such a childish thing to admit, especially with Keigo. Keigo, who’s figured out his life goal already. Keigo, who’s living out his dream. Keigo, who has most of his life planned out.

“I mean- I guess I’m not used to choosing for myself, you know? I’m not sure how to go about… figuring out my life without someone telling me how to live it first.”

But Keigo just nodded, “No, that makes sense, I mean, you’ve lived here most of your life, you’ve worked to become a hero, but that's really only because you were taught to be one. It’s ok to not know what you want out of life, and don’t worry, I’ll be here to support you, Y/N.”

Keigo turned to you, a smile plastered on his face.

That beautiful, amazing, breathtaking smile.

You felt your face become flushed, and you sat up quickly so as to not have Keigo notice.

“Yeah well- thanks,” you said softly.

But Keigo just laughed, “Don’t worry about it dove.”

. . .

Years later, and Hawks had become the number two pro hero. And you hadn’t done too badly yourself, coming in at the number eleventh spot.

You didn’t mind being behind Hawks, in fact, you found yourself becoming a bit proud of yourself because of how far you had made it.

Right now, you were busy on portal, watching citizens go about their day on a rooftop above.

You watched closely, wondering what kind of life you could have been living if you had never chosen to be a hero, wondering if you too, would have been walking on that very same street as some other hero observed you from afar.

Somedays you found yourself wondering if the hero commission hadn’t taken you away, had let you lived your life for yourself, what would you do? Who would you become?

You wondered if you would have met Keigo as well, or if that would only work if you had been with the hero commission.

Maybe in that universe, you two could finally be together.

It happened a while ago, when you figured out your true feelings for Hawks. Although, maybe you always had feelings for him, since you were little kids. But, you had feelings for him had began to bubble over, you found yourself wanting to spend more time with him, wanted to keep him to yourself. But you would never act on these feelings, you knew better.

Keigo Takami would never be yours, not in a million years.

You let out a sigh, just as you heard boots hit the ground behind you.

“Miss me,” a familiar voice asked.

Even though you had known Hawks since you two were kids, you were always caught off guard by those dazzling eyes, the honey gold color swirling around as he stared down at you, pinning you to your spot on the roof.

You smiled, “Hawks, I just saw you.”

He shrugged, “So? I still missed you in that time.”

You rolled your eyes, “Did you come here to bother me or do you actually have a reason to be here?”

His hands flew to his chest, dramatically saying, “Oh angel, how you wound my poor heart.”

You giggled, “Aw Hawks, always the flare for the dramatic.”

He smiled, but then his eyes got serious, “But I do need your help with something, a mission not too far from here.”

Watching Hawks in action was like watching an artist at work, he was careful, skillful, even downright majestic. He took care in his work, he worked quickly and efficiently, like a well-oiled machine.

And, not to sound too cocky, you two made a pretty good team. And considering you two were very close friends, you vehemently enjoyed working with him.

Although, maybe it was cuz you also had a little bit of a crush on him.

Your face felt flushed at the thought, but before you could think your mouth had already said yes.

“Oh? Are you just agreeing so you can spend time with me, little dove,” Hawks smiled teasingly.

He had a habit of doing this, it was a little game he would play on you. teasing was so fun for him, but he didn’t realize how it gave you such butterflies.

Luckily though, although you did have feelings for him, you learned how to push them away for situations like this.

You scoffed, “Hawks, would you just give me the rundown. Or do I have to call the commission myself?”

He put his hands up, “Wow there chicky, no need to get antsy, I’ll explain everything, ok?”

He told you about the mission, nothing to fancy, in fact, it was quite easy.

Some of his sidekicks had noticed some suspicious activity near a specific location near U.A that the commission wanted to be checked out. They had said that they didn’t want another attack to happen yet again to the school.

On the outside, it might have seemed like the commission gave a shit about the kids in U.A, but you knew better. They just wanted to look good, and right now, this was the best way to do that.

“So basically, if we do see any suspicious activity, we’re allowed to bring anyone in there for questioning, and if worst comes to worst, we have orders to use force.”

You nodded, sounded just like a normal mission for the two of you, should be no p.

“Alright,” you said, “Sounds easy enough. Should we head over now? How will I get there?”

But Hawks seemed to be one step ahead of you.

He held out his hand, a smirk plastered on his dazzling face, “Just hold on to me, sweetheart.”

. . .

You’ve flown with Hawks before, considering how close you two were it was understandable that he would have offered a number of times.

But still, it Always made you so giddy.

The way he held you, so secure in his arms, his face inches away from you. And that gleam in his eyes, it always felt like it was only you and him in that moment, only you two in the entire sky. And each time, it made your heart shudder.

“You ok there, dove,” Hawks asked in your ear.

You jumped a little, surprised by his words. You realized you had begun spacing out while looking directly at him.

You composed yourself, “Just keep flyin’ bird brain. I’m just thinking.”

You could almost feel his smirk, “Thinking? Thinking of what, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Drop it Hawks.”

“Oh,” he said, his tone mischievous, “just like I can drop you?”

Just then, you felt Hawks serve mid-air.

“KEIGO,” you shouted, not even thinking.

But Hawks had regained his hold on you, the prank only lasting for a second.

He laughed, his chest shaking, “You should have seen your face, Chicky! Ha! That was funny!”

But you would disagree, “I swear to God, Hawks, I’ll punch you when we land.”

But you thought for a second, “Sorry I called you your name...so loud.”

Keigo didn’t really like his name, opting to be called ‘Hawks’ instead.

But you knew why he preferred his new name instead. Because of his past.

Keigo was a kid left in the dirt, left and discarded, a remnant of a past that wasn’t so pleasant. You knew that thinking about it only brought pain to him, and saying his name out loud would only remind him of a past he would rather soon forget.

And the name ‘Hawks’ had marked the beginning of a new life for him. It was a way for him to move on past that old life, a way for him to become the best version of himself.

“Sorry,” you whispered.

“It’s ok… I don’t think anyone heard,” Hawks said.

His grip on you seemed to be tighter, more secure.

“And also, you know I would never drop you, right? I could never hurt you, ever.”

You rolled your eyes, “That’s so cheesy. Just don’t drop me and it’s fine.”

. . .

The place wasn’t too bad.

It was an old supply garage, there were about four people from what you could see.

It was definitely near U.A, you could see a clear view to the school, although it was far, it definitely had a vantage point. You could see why this could be a problem, and your brain hurt thinking about what villainous thing they could be planning.

You could hear the guy closest to you, it was a bit hard but you honed your ears.

“So, you all have everything,” a man asked in a scratchy rough voice.

“Yeah,” one of the others said, “everything's here, make sure to give it to Shigaraki with our gratitude.”

You looked over at Hawks, but his eyes were trained on the villains, his black pupils sharpening and watching their every move, before he nodded, signaling to move out.

And then, everything happened in a flash.

Hawks, as always, moved fast and quick, and you come up behind him.

Hawks grabbed one of the men, and held back the other two with his feathers, leaving only you and the two others.

You pulled out your handy metal staff, preparing yourself to bend it to your will.

But you never got the chance.

One of the men smirked a gun in his hand. The other behind him, activating what looked like an ice quirk.

And before you could think, you felt your feet being Frozen down to the hard metal floor of the garage.

“What the hell,” you mutter to yourself.

you tried your best to wiggle your way out of it, but you saw no way to free yourself from your icey binds.

Luckily, with your fast thinking, you grabbed the metal staff, shaping it to hit one of the men square in the jaw, making him drop his weapon.

the other one was taken aback, a perfect opening for your staff to hit him in the face.

But your feet were still frozen to the floor, and a few whacks to the felons was not going to be enough to take them down.

You racked your brain, Hawks was too far away, and there was no way you could get out of the ice on your own.

You brought your metal stuff back, using it to break the ice on your feet. Just as the men were getting back up.

You ran over, preparing to hit one of the men right in the face, a blow big enough to knock them out.

But you never got the chance.

The other man tackled you to the floor, your back hitting the ground.

“Not so tough now, are you, little hero.”

You looked over at Keigo, but there was no use. He was too busy fighting his own battle, and you knew it wasn't fair to rely on him.

So, with all your strength you pushed the man off. Using the metal floor to help you.

Just then, an idea occurred to you. It was risky, but it could work.

You knew that Keigo was far enough for it to work, it wouldn’t hurt him, but the only problem was it wouldn’t trap the two villains he was fighting.

But, considering he was the number two hero, you knew he would be just fine. You trusted him in that.

The ground beneath you is made of metal, you could feel it beneath your feet. You could also feel the two men running towards you.

You dodged their initial attacks, but you knew that they would soon overpower you. You also knew that you couldn't kill them, but you could hurt them.

So your best bet was to trap them, and yourself, before backup came.

You hit your palm against the floor, willing it to your mind. It was a long stretch, and you could feel the strain on your body. The toll that it was taking was immediate, your muscles felt tired, your brain even felt foggy for a few minutes, but you kept going.

You made sure that the ground collapsed, but it wouldn't hurt anybody.

You were not expecting, however, for the ceiling to collapse along with it.

There must have been a support beam on the ground as well that you had taken down with the floor, causing the ceiling to come down.

You looked up, seeing the last moment as the ceiling collapsed on you.

. . .

Hawks hated hospitals.

The smell, the people, the pain. He hated it all, but you were the one in the hospital, so of course, he needed to come.

The days after the accident had been hard, to say the least.

Keigo just remembered watching as the rooftop collapsed, watching your bruised body go along with it.

He remembered screaming your name too, yelling and willing all his feathers to help you, to get you out.

He remembered his heart racing and beating so hard in his chest, he remembered his eyes, tears swelling up as his breath ran ragged.

He didn’t even care about the villains, he had caught the two he had been fighting already, but he didn’t care. He needed to get you out, he needed to make sure you were ok.

After digging for what felt like an eternity, there you were, bruised and bloody. But you were breathing, and he held you close, his tears dripping over your cheeks.

He felt his heartbreak, he couldn't stand the sight of you being hurt, he couldn't stand the thought that he had something to do with it.

He wanted you to wake up, he wanted you to wake up so badly it hurt. For you to look up, and teased him about crying. He wanted nothing more than to apologize over and over, for making his friend suffer, even if it was unintentional.

He knew he could never forgive himself, and he knew he could never make it up to you.

Keigo knew you were in bad shape, so he called the ambulance to take you to the hospital. He was there with you the whole way, watching you, helping in any way he could.

He felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest, watching as your fragile body was rolled away to the special care unit of the hospital, as the doctors told him he couldn’t come in with you.

“Mr. Hawks,” a voice said in front of him.

He flinched.

Hawks wasn’t someone who was easily startled, seeing as he had years of training, but his mind was so all over the place. Worrying and wondering if you were ok, hoping and praying to god everything would be ok.

He couldn’t lose you, and he realized that only now.

If he lost you, how would he even be able to function? You were everything to him, his friend (if he was being truthful, his only true friend) , his rock, the person he could trust for support and help.

To be honest, if he lived in a world without you, he really wouldn’t know what to do…

“Sir?”

He snapped back to reality, his eyes looking up at the doctors.

“Sorry,” he sighed, “I think I’m just a bit off my game today, you’ll have to excuse my behavior. But what were you saying, sir?”

“Well, L/N Y/N has sustained some pretty severe injuries, such as bruising of the sides and hips, and a broken leg,” Hawks sucked in a breath, “We know how to treat it, of course, but Y/N will need much recovery time. That being said, Y/N seems to not have any family or emergency contacts but you. If it’s ok with you, would you be willing to visit as well as look over Y/N in the recovery period?”

Hawks quickly agreed, “Anything doctor, anything you need or Y/N needs...anything at all.”

The doctor smiled at him, “Thank you, Mr. Hawks, unfortunately though, Y/N needs a bit more time alone, but when we deem it ok, you can come back for a visit.”

Hawks felt his shoulders slump, he knew it was selfish, but he had hoped to see you again, to apologize for putting you in that piston, he felt horrible.

The mission wasn't supposed to go like that at all, it was supposed to be a swift and easy fight. It was really just supposed to be the four guys with easy quirks, and they were all supposed to be an easy fight.

Hawks had learned about the hideout in front of U.A a while ago, when he learned it was also a part of the ledge, he went right to Dabi.

“Are you insane,” he had said, “someone will catch you, and personally, I can’t stand by and let you attack those kids.”

“Oh?” Dabi smirked, “And how will you stop us? You’re a part of the league now, bird boy, and we need this lookout, so just shut up already.”

Keigo huffed, “I can’t let you do that, that’s right by my portal area, my bosses will get suspicious, and I look bad enough as it is. I haven’t brought anyone from the league in, soon someone will put two-in-two together.”

It was a lie of course, his bosses knew exactly why he couldn't bring in anyone from the league, they had assigned the mission after all.

But the problem didn't lie with his bosses, it lay with the other Heroes and the public eye. The other hero’s had started to whisper to each other, wondering why the Hawks hadn’t brought in anyone from the notorious League of villains yet. He heard their whispers, and it made him uneasy. He knew if he didn't act soon, they would just grow more and more suspicious. As for the public eye, he couldn't let his image slide, he had to figure out a solution, and this would be the perfect way to do so.

Dabi pondered the idea, toying with Hawks’ growing anticipation, like a cat pawing at a helpless bird.

“Alright, I suppose we can make that work.”

And so, a plan was formed.

Keigo was to swiftly take the four men in for questioning. Dabi had arranged for it so all vital information was to be learned from the lookouts, and then Hawks could swoop in and go in fighting. The other four men would have no idea what was going on, so it looked like the real deal.

They had set up specific times and dates to make sure they would take the men and the lookout down, that way the league wouldn’t lose any vital information.

“I’ll tell you when, don’t start till I tell you,” Dabi had said, “or else there will be problems.”

And Hawks had done as he was told, he waited for Dabi to give him the all-clear, and went in.

But you getting hurt was never a part of the plan.

Keigo felt guilt clawing at his chest. How did he get like this? He was supposed to be the one to protect you, to make sure that you were always okay.

But it seemed like he was the one who got you hurt.

His guilt was suddenly replaced by anger, it made him ball his fist.

Those men were supposed to be easy to take down, they were supposed to be simple to deal with, but even Keigo had difficulty defeating them all on his own.

This was an error on his part, he knew that, but he also couldn’t help but simultaneously blame Dabi as well.

It was his fault that he hadn’t warned Keigo about the strength of the men.

Keigo was going to make him pay….

. . .

Dabi’s head hit the wall with a loud thud, Keigo’s angry eyes boring into him.

“I should kill you right here, right now.”

Dabi laughed, “Look, it wasn’t my fault your little partner couldn’t handle a few guys, ain't they supposed to be a hero? Shouldn’t they be able to help themselves?”

Dabi’s twisted smile made Keigo see red.

“I swear Dabi-”

“The league will come after you, you know that.”

Keigo felt his hands shake with rage, his fingers wrinkling Dabis' shirt.

“What were they to you? You seem pretty upset there, birdy. Maybe….your lover?”

A feather sharpened at Dabi’s neck, Keigo’s fury never leaving his body.

“Say one more goddamn word and I swear to god I'll kill you.”

“Look,” Dabi said, “I didn't know how strong those guys were, I thought that you'd be able to take ‘em down pretty easily. But I guess we just gave ‘em more training than I thought. That's all. Nothing I could have done about it, and nothing you could have done about it. You should know that stuff like this is inevitable, shit is bound to go wrong.”

Keigo released him, his eyes still boring into Dabi’s.

“If I figure out you had some sort of part in this-”

“Yeah yeah, you’ll kill me. I get it.”

Keigo stormed off, walking away from Dabi.

Keigo wanted nothing more than to beat the crap out of someone, anyone, he just wanted someone to blame, someone to feel the way he felt.

The fact that you were in pain only made it worse.

What was he to do now? He couldn’t go home, he would only be able to think about you, only be able to think about your laugh, your eyes, your lips….

He shook his head. Why was he thinking of something like that? And at a time like this? You were...his friend.

But that thought made his heart sink. Like that thought had filled him with dread.

He sighed, shaking his head, this wasn’t about him, it was about you, it was about helping you. Not thinking about his feelings. Or lack thereof.

He felt his phone ring in his back pocket, just before he was leaving.

Looking at the number, he realized it was the doctor's office that was calling.

Without even thinking he picked up, “Hello?”

“Hello Mr. Hawks, we just wanted to ask if you would want to come in and see the patient L/N Y/N, they have woken up. So if you would like to see them-”

“Yes!” Keigo said, a bit too excitedly, “Sorry- about the interruption- but yes I would like to see them.”

“Alright Mr. Hawks, please come whenever you can, they’ve been asking for you.”

. . .

Hawks had never flown so fast, rushing so fast in order to see you, needed to see you.

When he finally got there, he rushed in, finding the receptionist to find your room.

“They’re in room 236 sir-”

But he cut her off, adrenaline pumping through his body.

“Ok, thank you so much.”

Finding your room was easy, and yet, he found himself outside your room, dreading to go in.

How could he face you? How could he apologize? How could he look you in the eye, see what happened to you, and be able to talk to you.

He ran a hand down his face, why was this so hard? He’s taken down many many villains before, and he had never felt as anxious as he did now?

“...Hawks?”

He jumped, he actually jumped.

There you were, standing, only a few inches away from his face, his eyes widened and he could feel his whole body becoming hot.

Why did he suddenly become like this around you? His heart felt like it was on fire, his whole body felt strange.

But your face, it looked so stunning, that for a moment he couldn’t feel his lungs.

“Are you...ok?” He was surprised that his voice finally managed to work.

You blinked, “Yeah, I’m ok. What about you, though? Your face is all red. Do have a fever or something? I can call a doctor.”

“No no,” he sighed, “just...feeling weird I suppose.”

He felt the redness travel from his cheeks all the way up to his ears, “I-I’m fine, really, don't worry about me, I'm actually here to see you.”

You smiled, gazing up at him, “Aww, you can see lil’ old me? How thoughtful.”

You both walked into your room, and Hawks watched as you lay down on the bed.

The hospital room was nothing special, a state-of-the-art hospital room, similar to one's that Hawks had been in many times. Being a hero always came with getting hurt, but seeing you in this condition, made his heart squeeze.

if he could, he would go back in time and figure out a way so that he could be in this situation, not you. You didn't deserve it, you have done nothing but help him, and this is how he repaid you? He felt sick with guilt.

“Hawks?” You said.

He snapped up, like coming back from a bad dream.

But you just laughed your sweet, kind laugh.

Hawks wanted to hear it again, one more time he wanted to hear you laugh like that, it made him feel like everything was drifting away from him like it was just you and him in this entire world.

“You’re totally out of it! What’s gotten into you,” You said, a smile still plastered on your face.

“Sorry, just thinkin’.”

“Yeah well you must be thinking a little too hard there, are you okay? Do you want to sit down? Something's obviously bothering you, you can tell me.”

but hawks just side, “I don’t know, I don’t want you to be upset with me.”

But you just smiled up at him, “Hawks, nothing in this world could make me upset with you.”

And so he told you, about the league, about the secrets he's been hiding from you. It felt good, it felt good to finally confide in someone, it felt like a weight being lifted off his shoulders. he felt at ease, talking to you like you were the only person who would ever understand. And you probably were.

You listened to him, you listened as he told you about what happened, about how sorry he felt, you didn't blame him for what happened, You just listened. You listened and listened and listened.

So when he finally finished, he was scared of what you would say.

“...I’m sorry,” he said.

“Why are you sorry, Hawks you didn’t do anything wrong.”

He looked up at you, “B-but I got you hurt-”

“That’s not your fault though, you had a mission to follow.”

“But I should have never involved you.”

“I'm glad you did, it could have been you that would have gotten hurt,” you said, smiling.

But he just tsked, “It would have been better if it was me, I can’t stand to see you like this, you know.”

Your hands went to his cheeks, bringing his face closer, “And I wouldn’t be able to see you like this either, I would have blamed myself. I’m glad I came with you, even if it meant I got hurt in the process. I care about you, Hawks.”

Keigo couldn’t breathe, you were so close, your lips an inch away.

“Keigo.”

Your eyes widened, “What?”

“I want you to call me Keigo when we’re alone from now on, I...I like when you say it.”

You paused for a moment, and then burst out laughing, “Where did this come from?”

His face went red, “I-I don’t know, just kinda been thinking about it I guess.”

You giggled a bit before saying, “Ok, I mean, if that’s what you want. Y’know, you’ve been acting strange Haw-Keigo,” you corrected, “are you sure everything's ok?”

There it was again, the pitter-batter in his heart, the nervousness in his stomach.

Something was wrong, but he didn’t know how to say it.

He didn’t know how he would even categorize the way he was feeling, he couldn't explain it to himself, much less to you.

“I’m fine, just...overwhelmed I guess.”

He shook his head, “But I should be asking how you are, you're the one in the hospital, not me. Stop worrying, how are you, how are you feeling? What do you need me to do? I'll be here to help you, no matter what.”

You rolled your eyes, “Eventually you’ll have to go home, and I’m totally fine, Keigo.”

By the mention of his name, he couldn’t help but feel his heart squeeze.

“R-right, well, can I just..stay here. With you? Till you get better?”

You smiled, “Of course.”

. . .

While you were in the hospital, Keigo stayed by your side. He never left you, he cared for you, watched over for you, and was so understanding.

It only made your feelings for him deeper, and you were loath to admit that you enjoyed it.

You enjoyed watching him fawn over you, knowing that he was close to you. You two would talk for hours, about anything, and you loved it. You loved feeling him near you, watching his eyes soften and the stupid silly quirk of his smile. You felt warm inside, you felt so at peace with him at your side.

You knew it was selfish, but you couldn't help loving how long you were spending with him.

But, it all came to an end, and you had to go home.

To your surprise, Keigo offered you to stay with him for a little bit.

Just till you get back on your feet,” he said.

Your heart leaped at the opportunity, sharing a house with the guy you had a crush on for years? It felt like you were a lovesick teenager again. Although, you would always be lovesick when it came to Keigo.

At Keigo’s house, he was nothing but polite to you. Although, a bit too polite.

For all his flirting, for all his suave charm, he was never really like that with you. He was just normal, keeping to himself in the house, but always being able to hang out with you or do anything with you if you wanted.

And yet, you could feel the nervousness oozing off of him, like he wanted to say something, but was holding himself back.

Like something was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t get it out.

It, intern, made you just as nervous.

Were you being a nuisance? Did you say something to upset him? A million thoughts running through your head, and you are worried about all of them.

The last thing that you would ever want to do would be to upset Keigo, but you couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

Maybe he felt bad about the accident?

You sucked in a breath, that had to be it. He felt bad, and therefore, was nervous around you.

You have to confront him, you thought, you had to clear the air so you would both feel better.

You decided to wait till tomorrow morning, not wanting to scare or embarrass him well you could tell he was so nervous.

. . .

“Keigo,” you said, a waver in your voice showing how nervous you were.

“Hm?” Keigo looked up from his phone, his honey-colored irises landing on you, only serving to make you more anxious.

You took a deep breath, “I wanna talk to you about something. and it's pretty important, so I'd appreciate it if you could listen till the end.”

Keigo sat up, “What, am I in trouble or something?” He said in a teasing, yet nervous way.

“No,” you sighed, “But I just really need to talk to you about something.”

You took one moment more to collect yourself before speaking, “We've known each other for a long time, we've known each other since we were little kids when we were both put into the commission's program and since we were both made heroes. So you should know, that I know when you're upset.”

You saw Keigo twitch in his chair, but you continued.

“You've been nervous ever since the hospital, maybe even nervous in the hospital. And I don't know what's going on with you. I... I don't know if it was something that I did, or if it was something that happened, but I'm here for you. And I don't like it that you keep this a secret from me. I consider you to be one of my best friends, and I want you to know that you can trust me. No matter what happens, I'll still always love you. Nothing will ever change that,” a smile pulled at your lips as you said your last sentence.

It was silent for a few moments, the air between you too felt heavy and suffocating.

Finally, Keigo spoke, “Y/N, I want to tell you something, but... I'm not sure how you’ll react.”

You tried to speak up again, but Keigo cut you off.

“I know that you're going to say that nothing can ever come between us, and I do believe you. But... something came up and I just don't know how to deal with it. You mean so much to me, and losing your friendship is my worst nightmare. And I guess…. I just got so scared of losing you that I just didn't think about anything else. I'm sorry.”

Your face contorted into one of confusion, “Keigo, I’m not sure what you mean? What are you talking about? What came up?”

But Keigo just sighed, “Y/n I...I think I’m in love with you.”

You felt your heart stop, your eyes widened as your brain was racing.

What did you say? No... that couldn't be right.

Keigo Takami could not be in love with you, he just wouldn't. You had accepted that a long time ago, you knew that he would never have the same feelings that you had for him. You knew that, so what was going on?

“I...I’m sorry?”

Keigo’s face turned a bright shade of pink, “I-I think I’m in love with you. I’m sorry to spring this on you so suddenly, I know it must be a lot to take in, if you’re uncomfortable being here with me feel free to leave. I completely understand-”

But your lips stopped his words, your body pressed firmly to his.

He was started by the kiss at first, but soon, his body and mind became muddled, hands wrapped around your waist as he tasted your lips. It felt intoxicating.

Before you knew it, your hips were straddling him, keeping him locked in his chair. But Keigo wasn’t complaining.

Your lips tangled with one another as moans escaped both of you, your hands unable to leave each other's bodies.

Your hands traveled down his chest, even ripping open the button-down he was wearing, showing his abs and rippling muscles.

“Y/N..” Keigo said, his voice hoarse.

When you looked back up at him, his eyes were narrowed, slanted, and staring you down. But they had a softness to them, one that made your heart flutter.

“Keigo… god you have no idea how much I love you,” you said.

If this was a dream, you never wanted to wake up.

Keigo smirked, “‘s that so babe? Well, I plan to show you just how much I love you tonight.”

His lips attached to the column of your throat, kissing and nipping lightly at the skin. His hands roaming up and down your body made you feel as though you were on fire. His calloused hands stroked your back, making you arch into him.

“K-Keigo,” you moaned.

But he just hummed into your skin, his brain turning to mush, only able to think about how much pleasure he could give you, how much love he wanted to show you.

“Keigo, I love you,” you whispered into the shell of his ear.

Keigo groaned, still occupied with your neck, but pulled his lips away in order to say; “I’m glad,” and smiled at you.

You returned his smile before your lips found his again.

It would be a very long night.

[quicksilverownsmysoul]

Sparks Pt. 4

Summary: Peter Maximoff comes back after a weekend at home to find Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters crowded and booming with noise. He decides to investigate and finds out that it's orientation day for new students. He sees you and immediately is head over heels, but in his attempts to impress you he embarrasses himself beyond belief and runs off before you can even introduce yourself.

Read Part Three Here

All the new students chatted excietley among themselves wondering what you guys were being called to the garden for. There were only a handful of you guys about 20 or so but when it comes to mutants that number was massive. You too were excited to find out what was going on, you tried your best to ignore the slight feeling of embarrassment you had, you had almost told Peter you thought he was cute. A part of you was relieved that Jubilee had spared you of a possible rejection but the other half wondered what his reaction would have been. 

“What ya thinking ‘about?” You felt yourself jump up at the sudden noise, scaring Jubilee who was holding onto your arm. You whipped your head to the side to see Peter standing there leaning on Kurt’s shoulder. Kurt pushed him off and went behind you squeezing next to Jubilee muttering about how everyone took advantage of his powers and never thanked him. You shot him a smile as he passed by and he returned it. If only you could have seen the way Peter’s disappeared for a moment, before snapping right back when you turned to face him again. 

He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by Professor X pulling up at the front of the crowd. “Thank you all for coming, I hope you have all met your roommates and hopefully were able to get acquainted before I interrupted you all. Well before Peter interrupted you all.” Everyone laughed and Peter gave a little bow and waved like he was the queen of england. “So what we will be doing is a display of abilities for our new students.” Everyone started whispering at this but Professor X put his hand up as a signal for silence. “I know it can be unnerving especially if you still can’t fully control your powers. But this will give me and the students here a chance to see what your abilities are and what your skill level is at. That way I can assign you to the appropriate classes and you can find students with similar powers or struggles to help you while you are here at this school.” He smiled at the crowd, hoping to ease their nervousness. “When you come up give us a short introduction and then a small display of your powers. Who would like to go first?” The crowd fell silent, everyone absolutely hated the idea of telling the whole school about yourself and then showing your powers. “Come on now, one of you has to get it started.” 

“(y/n) wants to go!” Peter blurted out. 

“Excellent,” Xavier exclaimed. “Come on up Dear.”

Your eyes widened, shaking your head rapidly back and forth. Peter reached for your hand and gave it a little squeeze pulling you closer so he could whisper in your ear. “It’s better if you go first, you get it out of the way and you don't have that feeling of dread while everyone else is going.” You gave him a skeptical look, he gave you a reassuring smile. You yielded and gave him a quick nod. The crowd parted to make way for you as you awkwardly walked to the front. “Hi my name is (y/n) (y/l/n). I am 19 years old and I enjoy painting and I really like movies.” You felt your hands shaking slightly. You always hated doing these introductions, and it wasn't helping that the crowd was so quiet. 

“I love movies!” Peter shouted, easing the tension. You looked up from your feet to see his beaming face. “Do you like Karate Kid!” You laughed, as did the crowd. You were grateful that he was trying to make you feel more comfortable. 

“Yeah I like Karate kid.” You responded. 

“Do you like Daniel or Johnny!?” He shouted again. “Cause I personally prefer-”

“Peter!” Xavier interrupted, glaring at him. “Stop.” 

“This conversation isn't over!” Everyone continued to laugh at Peter’s antics, the feeling of nervousness you had had was long gone. 

“Anyway,” Professor X did his best to redirect the conversation back to what it was originally intended to be. “If you don’t mind Ms. (y/l/n), show us what your abilities are. 

“Yeah okay.” You gave him a nervous smile and took a deep breath. “My powers aren’t all that strong. But I don’t mind,” You looked around for how to display your power, it was getting dark in the garden, there were lights in the garden but they were very dull and gave off very little light. You held your hands out slightly, a soft light surrounded your hands and you flicked your wrist up. The small action caused light to pour from the lamp posts, illuminating the whole garden and allowing everyone to see clearly. You could now see Peter beaming at you, his smile the brightest thing in the garden. “I can manipulate electricity.” You explained letting the lights dim slightly. “It’s a weaker version of the power so I can’t actually wield electricity and form it into what I want, but I can affect things that require it.” You made the lights dance softly and flicker on and off. “I can also do this other thing but I need a volunteer.” You admitted face burning with a slight embarrassment. You don't really like showing off. 

“I’ll do it!” Kurt’s hand shot up in the air, he beat Peter to volunteering. His hand was paused slightly before he lowered it. Jubilee shot Peter a knowing look at seeing his disappointed face. He avoided her gaze. Kurt poofed form where he was to the front of the crowd right next to you. You wave the smoke away and take his hand in yours. As soon as they connect a slight shock goes through you to him and Kurt’s hair stands comply on edge from the electric shock. “This is amazing!” You giggled at his reaction and he gave you a toothy smile. Peter formed look at you and the way you looked at lane another, from here it was hard to tell if it was one of admiration or one of affection. An unknown feeling settled into Peter’s chest as he watched you two hold hands. Something he couldn't quite place. 

“I can send electric charges to people that I come in contact with.” You explained. “It can range anywhere from a small shock out of nerves or a full on electrical shock, with the same power that a defibrillator can distribute.” You let go of Kurt’s hands and his hair fell back down. “If I can control it then the power wears off when I stop touching them but if it's out of nerves or shock it may leave their hair standing up.” Peter remembered how his hair had stayed on end when you had held his hand.

“Thank you (y/n). That is a very fascinating power. “Xavier gave you a gentle smile and you returned it before making your way back to Jubilee. She complimented your powers and said that you guys were meant to be friends and roommates because your powers were similar. Professor X called up another student and they gave a quick display similar to yours. It went on until everyone had gone and you were at least familiar with one another. Professor dismissed you guys yet again and informed you that dinner would be served in the hall. Tonight's meal was going to be grilled cheese and tomato soup. 

“Grilled cheese?” Jubilee whined. “I’m so sick of grilled cheese they serve the same food every week.” Jubilee looked around to make sure nobody was near. “What do you say we get some real food?”

“But I thought we weren't allowed to leave campus.” You questioned.

“That’s just a suggestion, if you can find a way out who says you have to stay.” Peter said pushing himself between you two, hands slung over both of yours shoulders. Jubilee shrugged him off and he settled for just having his arms around you pulling you even closer in a side hug. “Let us show ya some fun newbie.” 

You bit your lip debating it. While you were thinking Kurt and two other students made their way over to you all. You remembered the guy and the girl from the earlier demonstration from the x-men. It was Scott and Jean. 

“What are you guys talking about?” Scott asked as he came closer. 

“Prison break.” Peter answered. “That is if (y/n) here agrees to letting us show her a good time. The x-men way.” All eyes were on you awaiting your response. A wave of excitement rushed over you.

“Alright let’s do it!” They all cheered. 

“I’ll drive!” Peter shouted. 

“No!” everyone yelled back, you let out a laugh. This was going to be fun.

I hope y’all enjoyed this chapter! Peter was interrupted before he got to say if he liked Johnny or Daniel from Karate kid? Who do you think he prefers 👀 who do you prefer ? I’m a Johnny girl myself

[wizkiddx]

was thinking for toms most recent ig story it sounds like hes working out early everyday, what if u did a blurb where the reader does it with his and its like best friend --> something else ? sounded like a you type of story, id love if you gave it a go ❤️💕

oohkay so sorry this lit just came through this evening and I suddenly got v stupidly into it (if u put in a req before that I promise I am working on it I just got way to invested cos this is stupidly cute) xxxx

summary: what starts off as tom taking you under his wing and some sunrise workouts together might just develop into something more

“It shouldn’t be legal…. to be doing anything… this fucking early!” Spoken, well yelled, in between the fake strokes of the exercise bike and your pants. All you got in response was the two men laughing at you, no sign of sympathy at all, as your gritted your teeth - fighting against every body instinct to stop the movements. Your heart was pumping like the clappers; breathing shallow and rushed and your arms… your arms felt like they were about to fall off. Combine that with the lack of sleep from waking up before the sun did at 5 am - meant you felt like your were in literal hell.  

Why ever you’d agreed to do these workouts with Tom and Duffy escaped you. Being the new and rising actress, with a new supporting role in the next Spiderman, meant you’d spent a lot of time with Tom over the past few weeks. Not to inflate his ego either, but Tom had been a real life hero to you. See, you were the complete opposite of his experienced and seasoned professionalism - this was your first acting gig. And what a gig it was, the second biggest part in a Marvel movie. You never really believed you’d get the part and even when you did, were pretty sure it was some elaborate joke, where Ant and Dec were going to jump out from some corner and go ‘ha its a prank!’ or something. 

Yet somehow it was all still happening, you had been flown halfway across the world to spend three months alone on a film set. Well obviously not alone, but you knew no one - you were a complete outsider. That, really, was the reason you’d agreed to do these sessions with Tom. He’d offered half heartedly while between takes as you were moaning about how out of breath you got in that scene. At that point, you’d only known each other for a matter of weeks, he really hadn’t expected you to commit to 5 am each and every morning. What he wasn’t aware of though, was how ocmplerly stranded and lonely you felt here, hence why you jumped at his offer. 

And yes you loved to moan and complain when you were there, however you were also so incredibly thankful he ever offered. Duffy, Tom’s PT, was a right laugh too and he took great joy in torturing you - and was also entertained by the new and inventive ways you’d insult him after he ordered you about. 

“Come on Y/n, 200m more and then we are done, even your little arms can survive that.”

“Really … not the encouragement… I was looking for.” Still panting, face bright red and blotchy as you pressed your legs straight again.

“Tom? You wanna help Y/n out?” 

“Nah you know… kind of enjoying seeing her in pain.” The British voice laughed from somewhere behind you, making you roll your eyes.

“Why the hell… are you not… torturing him?” He sounded way to comfortable and relaxed to be working hard. 

“He’s got a stunt heavy day today so wanted to go easy this morning.”

Now that was a bloody joke. You were BOTH filming the SAME scene today, doing the SAME stunts. 

“Did I forget to mention Y/n is on set too?” The joy in Tom’s voice made you want to do horrible things to him. Even though you felt like you wanted to collapse on the floor, you’d happily do a set or two on a punch bag right now - if that punch bag was Tom’s face. 

Before you could hurl some fresh abuse at your costar, Duffy called time on the rowing machine, turning the display off and passing your water bottle over as you slouched on the slidey seat. 

“Done good Y/n/n, I am actually super impressed with your progress” The stocky man patted you on the back genuinely, bringing a bit of smile to your otherwise grimacing face. He went over the chat to Tom about some boy shit that you couldn’t care less about, allowing you a couple minutes to get your breath back. As soon as you did and tried to dismount the machine of death, your ruined legs seemed to have other plans, shakily buckling so you ended up starfished on the floor, groaning at the dull ache that came with the sudden movement. 

And what show of concern did Duffy show you? A belly laugh that echoed round Toms indoor gym making you groan again, throwing your forearm over your eyes. It was in fact the curly haired brunette, who came and knelt by your side, wordlessly balling up the towel and placing it under your head as you shot your eyes open in shock. 

“You okay? Sorry… I might’ve taken our friendly competition a bit too far.”

“I just… just might have to gain the power of flight this afternoon cos my legs aren’t gonna bloody work.” Tom chuckled and shook his head at your dry humour. 

“Oh I’m sure we can talk to Jon and get that arranged… not like Marvel don’t spend years crafting the script and storyline for a newbie actor to change it all.”

“Might I remind you… they wouldn’t have to if your weren’t such a dickhead!” You exclaimed, sitting up and staring at him with an exasperated look than only made him burst out laughing again. 

“I’m sorry I’m sorry… I just cant take you seriously when you look like such a tomato!” His voice went an octave higher as he laughed at himself, the situation getting even worse for you when you heard Duffy join in too. 

The boy was bloody lucky you couldn’t lift your arms right now, otherwise they’s almost certainly be attempting to ruin his pretty boy face. 

/////////////////////////////

After a long day of shooting you and Tom were in one of the set buggies, being taken back to your trailers to change for the evening. There was a peaceful silence until Tom ruined it yet again.

“ Got any fancy plans for this evening then?”

“Well you know me, back to my lonely little old place and  frozen pizza - so living the movie star life.” 

“It’s a Friday! You not going out with your team or anything?” He sounded so bemused at your quiet plans, and mention of a ‘team’ had you cocking your head to the side. 

“‘My team?’ Tom until I get my movie star pay check I can barely afford my pizzas, never mind a whole persons wage.” You were still only three weeks into filming and although you spent an hour every other morning sweating your ass off with Tom - apart from that you’d tried not to impose yourself on him too much. You didnt want to look clingy and naturally Tom always had a mountain of people vying for his attention - you would go to the back of a long line. So honestly, you were still a bit of a mystery to him, right now you’d both only scratched the surface on each other. 

“Really? I know this is your first big job but I thought you’d have someone here?” 

“Nah… I mean I’ve kinda clung to the Marty on the camera crew but he’s going to see family tonight sooo.”

“Come back to mine. I’ve swapped Harry for his twin Sam, which is a bit of an upgrade cos Sam’s a chef. He just arrived last night. I bet he can one up any pizza you were planning on.”

“Honestly I don’t want to impose, sorry I didnt mean for this to be a pity party or-“ The buggy slowed to a stop and Tom instantly vaulted out of it, standing right infront of you and blocking you exist off the back sofa. Both of you were still in costume, Tom in latex and you in your corset-esque two piece, but then both wrapped in matching long line black jackets supplied by set. 

“No come on I’m serious… Sam’s dying to meet you and it’d be good to spend more time together. You know, cos of chemistry and all.” The last bit was a switch from his cool and smooth, normally easy going tone - into something a bit more… anxious? Just like that, before your brain even knew what it was doing, you agreed, smiling broadly and nodding. 

So barely an hour later, you were knocking on the doors to Tom’s mansion-ish rented Atlanta home which was much much more grand than what the studio had arranged for you. Even though you were here most mornings, this time it felt different. Yeh it was stupid, but you can’t help the way you feel and you were stressed. For no real reason… just, just because. 

Thankfully, it wasn’t awkward at all  and you especially instantly hit it off with his younger brother Sam. Everything just felt easy and simple which meant so much more considering you’d felt so isolated an alone halfway across the world for your home comforts. Being British too, simply chatting to the two young men about your hometown and growing up was just so familiar, it really helped you feel less homesick.  Naturally too,  you’d fallen into a casual and friendly ribbing of Tom with Sam, making the three of you spend to majority of the evening cracking up (or in Tom’s case pouting at the abuse). It was a nice change from the two on one attack you got from Tom and Duffy that morning. You’d all cooked dinner together… well no, you and Tom had stood idly watching Sam cook an amazing chicken curry dish - which he promised to give you the recipe too. Honestly Sam felt like your long lost best friend, especially when it came to your shared ability to berate Tom for anything and everything. 

About an hour ago Tom had stuck on the film, effectively shutting up you and Sam - thankfully for him since Sam was just about to get to some rather embarrassing stories of Tom as a kid. You and Tom were on the longer grey sofa; with Sam sat  the other side of the coffee table in an impressively soft armchair - looking as though it was swallowing the lanky boy. The calm, the silence and the comfort was only going to go one way for you though. After your workout this morning, plus all the running and jumping during the shoot,  after what had already been a pretty intense week, it was hardly surprising that you didn’t even notice yourself drifting off the sleep. 

Who did notice though? Perhaps your brown haired costar who’d been stealing glances across to you ever since the movie had been put on? Because as much as he hated to admit it to himself, this didnt seem to be panning out as a normal job. A normal job is something you put your all into, for a couple weeks, and then leave with good memories and a good pay check. Yes, he had only known your for a matter of weeks or so but it already seemed to be unfathomable to cut ties with you. How would he go without your kind mannered abuse everyday? You were just refreshing, new and mysterious. And Tom was more than intrigued, his interest was peaked. 

And it was stupid to feel like that…. Of course it was. You can’t fancy a colleague because things get complicated and awkward. Tom knew that. 

Then why was he now delicately draping a blanket over your frame and smiling smally when you hummed in your sleep, in what seemed to be a show of appreciation for the layer of warmth? 

Because you were his excited puppy of a costar who is giving everything she has for the job? Because he is worried and wants to look after you? Because he cares? 

No matter why, in that moment you were contented and as was Tom. Oh and Sam? 

Sam saw the tell tale signs in his brother. He saw the way Tom had been touching your arm or the small of your back just a little more than what would be considered normal while he’d been cooking. He’d seen the way Tom had been laughing purely because you had. His eldest brother never did anything rash, it was always a painfully slow process for everyone involved. But Sam thought this just might be the start of something. The start of a slow burn.

[drtenebres]

who are the most developed/most focused on characters right now??

Thanks for the ask!! It’s hard to say who is the most developed character right now, due to so many brain cells trying to work together, but we’ve all got our own individual ones we’re working on that we feel the strongest about !

@shslstraws :

blah blah blah this is where jude talks about oumota -Snelly (SHAAAAADDUPPPPP -Straws) 

Kaito (My beloved) - A commonfolk who was oblivious by the magic world around him until he inevitably is pushed to it, by living his new life as a Tenebroso werewolf. The cause for how he became a werewolf is unknown, and he tries to keep away from his friends and family to protect them from this “curse”. Kaito gets in a mix of mages and eventually meets with Kokichi, a plague doctor who claims he can cure him. He slowly realizes and comes to face the reality that is Tenebres. 

Kokichi (Most developed??) - A mage who lived in an orphanage until he gets adopted by two mages, Nagito and Hajime. Kokichi dreams of being far powerful than both his dads and going back to recruit the other orphanage kids to his upcoming organization. Until he gets a set back when he takes things too far with the magi academy, he gets demoted to a Plague Doctor; a low status of a mage. It is until he meets Kaito, on one of his duties, and believes if he figures out the mystery behind Tenebrosos, he will earn the right to regain his place back in the academy. 

Shuichi (Most Focused on ATM) - Born from the great Kyoko Kirigiri and Makoto Naegi, there are a lot of expectations put upon Shuichi since he was very young. The expectations were too high and too heavy to carry that Shuichi decided to leave behind that life and the Kirigiri name. He meets up with Rantaro who gives him the ability of a werewolf, and thinks he can finally start anew. Until he faces the same problems with being a werewolf and being part of a pack, Shuichi decides to live amongst the commonfolk with his new friends Kaito, Kaede, and Maki by his side. 

@baylardian-1 :

Kyoko (Most focused on) - A detective who grew up working under a large magefolk entity in the specific branch that deals with magic-based crimes. Kyoko is telepathic with a hindered use of magic due to a strange curse covering both of her hands. Because of her ability to read minds and the overwhelming loudness many voices can create in her head, Kyoko prefers working alone. Eventually she retires from her occupation and becomes a private investigator alongside her husband Makoto.

Hifumi (Most developed) - A hamster familiar most closely resembling a smitten patsy for Celestia Ludenberg. Not having many friends he impulsively chose to follow a pretty girl one day and has never ceased. Initially out of threat, Hifumi would perform healing spells for Celestia after her hunts in addition to take care of her every beck and call. Nowadays their relationship takes on a more unspoken respect and fondness for one another.

Mukuro (My beloved) - A Tenebroso werewolf nearing closer to being 400 years old in age. Born a mage alongside her younger twin sister Junko, many events surrounding their past are shrouded in mystery. As a Tenebroso she has an unnaturally extended life. Mukuro is naturally covered in scars and physically looks to be reaching her mid 50's-early 60's. She is most often however seen to be disguising herself as a young girl.

@snellymain :

Kiyo (Most developed) - A socially reclusive vampire with a guilty conscience and a sworn duty to feed by killing swiftly rather than turning anyone else into a vampire; since he hates his vampirism and his sister that cursed him with it. Has a huge fondness for humans and anthropology after his controlling sister's hatred for them caused him to have extremely limited interactions with them. Ends up committed to a mage named Angie while the unwanted spirit of his sister began haunting him after many years of being dead.

Mahiru (Most focused on) - A standard mage with very little powers and a high respect for her non-mage mother, matching her disdain for her mage father. She got into photography as she had no attachment to her underwhelming magic, until her mother urged her to go to an academy so she wouldn't let her powers go to waste like her father did. After doing so, being out in the world more, she met Hiyoko and Hiro; in which she happily adopted the former and angrily married the latter.

Angie (My beloved) - A healing-based blood mage raised communally on an island, she heals others wounds with their own blood and often secretly takes their blood for her own use while doing so; mostly to feed her partner Kiyo, but she also has a fascination for blood of her own, initially being a result of her village's blood sacrifices and now a result of her blood magic. Generally a loud nuisance, though a medically helpful nuisance, in her academy.

@samsquatchem :

Doodle + blurb done by Snelly ♥

Yasuhiro (Their beloved) - A nomadic powerful mage with a wide variety of powers, mostly focusing on clairvoyance and near-limitless telekinesis; generally wanders around getting money wherever he can but spending it horrendously, ending up in a constant flat circle of time. He’s basically homeless; not out of poverty but what he considers convenience and tax evasion, for the most part and bums around Mahiru’s place. Close friends and a father figure to Hiyoko, (much to Mahiru’s initial dismay) the two bond over their shared tendency to wander and be in a new place every week + magic that neither know how to use properly, she became quickly attached to him due to him being the first person to talk to her after she ran away from home. Hiro is able to see the future but unable to speak it verbatim or else the opposite outcome will come to fruition, he can only nudge clients in the right direction of his visions. Most people think his magic is a scam and he’s the most useless mage ever.

@sutexii :

Chiaki (My Beloved) - A wooden mask enchanted with a human soul, powered by dream juice and magic robotics. Created by Chihiro to live in the dream realm (where u go when u sleep + also where the killing games take place) to gather data on it for Chihiro’s research, and help those in it travel safely. Has a deep fascination with the unpredictable and strange, and enjoys seeking out new knowledge wherever she can. Still likes her games, and while originally given access to some to help entertain those she’s traveling with, she just ends up hoarding them herself.

Tenko (Most Focused On ATM) - Commonfolk w/ a smidge of monster that comes out when her anger peaks. Abandoned due to said anger issues as a child, and taken in by Aoi and Sakura. She had a very Ghibli idyllic childhood, having adventures with friends and delivering donuts for her mom. Learned martial arts from her mom, taking a particular liking to Aikido, and through it learned to control her anger. Follows childhood crush Himiko around to protect her, leading to her entering the less than legal artifact smuggling trade with her later in life.

Aoi (Most Developed) - Water elemental with a love for baking donuts and raising/rehabilitating carp. Married to Sakura, having met when she wandered into the pond in her family’s abandoned dojo and decided to stay to fix it up, motivating Sakura to fix the rest of the place up in turn. Very carefree, friendly, and laid back, loves kids and taking on the “fun auntie” role. Never worked on her humanoid appearance much at all until motherhood, Tenko enters their life and it became hard to hold back a feral monster baby with fins.

@Soupcifer_ :

Nekomaru (Franken-maru) (most developed) - A reanimated corpse who was brought back to life thanks to the help of Kazuichi and Mikan. Unfortunately, he has amnesia and thus no recollection of his past friendships and family. He's a lot more quiet and mellow in comparison to his old self which makes him seem pretty dull, but in actuality he's being rather attentive and simply trying to understand everything that's happening. He does a lot of behind-the-scenes work when no ones looking like cleaning up after Kazuichi and setting reminders for Akane (still a team manager at heart).

Gonta (My beloved) - A vampire raised by werewolves. He only recently came to terms with being a vampire as he lived most of his life assuming the form of a wolf. He has an obsession with bugs, classic literature, and vintage clothing. Gonta likes to follow around a few of his friends, Angie and Korekyio (wink), and be of assistance whenever he can. He unfortunately has trouble dealing with his vampire nature sometimes due to only having lived with werewolves, so he often turns to Korekiyo for help.

Chihiro (most focused on) - An electric elemental! Chihiro is the creator/parent of Chiaki and Monomi. They have a passion for creating things that run on electricity and magic and as a result created their two lovely daughters (that and to investigate the dream realm). Chihiro also has the ability to possess electronics and machinery! Despite being incredibly small, they can emit a surprisingly large amount of energy which makes possessing large or complicated machinery an easy task.

[dramioneasks]

HP FESTS: For The Love of Fests (Part 1)

Love at Second Sight January 2021:

Second Time's the Charm by floorcoaster - T, one-shot - The first time Hermione sees Draco Malfoy again, she's in for a surprise.

Influence by Misdemeanor1331 - G, one-shot - Draco and Hermione bump into each other at Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. Draco thinks it’s a chance encounter. Hermione knows it’s anything but.

The Love Boat by Seakays - T, one-shot - Hermione Granger and her two best friends are embarking on a week long "Divorced Magicals" Cruise. Hermione took advantage of the Cruise's pre cruise chat room, where she met Scorly1203. After six months of texting, she has agreed to meet him on the first day of the cruise. Could she really find a second chance at love on the Lido Deck?

Second Time Lucky by rennaissance_woman - not rated, one-shot - During a trip to Weasley Wizard Wheezes, what do you do when presented with a second chance?

In Vino Veritas by beautyberry - M, one-shot - "Granger?" he asked disbelievingly. "Malfoy?" she asked, "What are you doing here?" Rated M for mentions of sex.

The Art of Second Chances by Blessedindeed - not rated, one-shot - A chance encounter at the museum brings up unresolved feelings

What Lies Beyond the Light by SlytherinHermione - M, one-shot - The thing about prisons is that it tends to change a you. The person you were when you went in, will not be the person that comes out. Sometimes for the better, oftentimes for the worst. For Draco Malfoy, the scales were tipped when a certain lawyer forced themselves onto his case with the start of one letter. A letter that turned into the type of correspondence where you end up baring your soul to a stranger. A stranger that ends up knowing every little part of you, from the darkest corners, to the sunniest fields - while barely knowing you at all. But then again, Hermione Granger was never really a stranger to begin with.

Silly Love Songs February 2021:

This Beauty By My Side by Amarillis39 - M, one-shot - My entry to the Silly Love Songs Fest. ____ "But as he watched her glide through the crowd, he decided he would take every second she would give him. Worthy or not, he was still a selfish git." ___ It's another stuffy gala at the Ministry and Draco is overcome with conflicting feelings as he watches Hermione in her element.

The Light That You Shine by SlytherinHermione - M, one-shot - Draco was adrift. All around him was an endless, unforgiving ocean, dull and grey in colour.  The waves kept crashing in on him. Back and forth, back and forth. Sometimes he felt like he’d been cursed to remain like a graying tower, alone on the sea. This all changed on a random cold winter day and a bright light. Because what followed the light was as unexplainable as the feeling of calm that suddenly enveloped him. He felt a twinge of something that he couldn’t explain. On the other side of the sidewalk stood Hermione Granger, more beautiful than he could remember, locking eyes with him for a second, as if she herself was caught with him inside of this time bubble filled with light and large, fluffy snowflakes. And with a blink of an eye, she walked the other way, as if this was just another Monday. As if she hadn’t just turned Draco's world up-side down. The tumultuous oceans that surrounded his untethered soul were full of waves, but now of a different kind.

Discord by Lostinthenightrain - T, one-shot - “I’ve seen your darkest, and it doesn’t scare me. You’ve become something so much more.” She placed a gentle kiss on his jaw. “I love you, dark and all.”

Time to Spare by Willowfairy - M, one-shot - Draco gets drunk enough to finally tell Hermione how he really feels, and once he starts talking he finds it impossible to stop.

Sometimes When We Touch by sodamnrad - T, one-shot - What if Hermione and Draco were dating when he took the Dark Mark? Submission for the Silly Loves Songs Mini-Fest One shot | Draco's POV | Sixth Year

To Be With You by Blessedindeed - not rated, one-shot - Her ability to show forgiveness intrigues him. Draco finds he has a soft spot for Hermione.

Masquerade March 2021:

Punch Line by tygermine - E, one-shot - Hermione seems to hide behind multiple masks.Draco wants to remove them all.

A Deadly Dance by MykEsprit - T, one-shot - An unexpected guest arrives at the ball. Dramione.

Ask it of Me by WritingFicariously - T, one-shot - Hermione has always had the ability to chase away demons, the darkness that twists his mind into believing he is not good, never enough. She sees and knows every part of him. But Draco has always kept one thing from her, one secret that he never dared say aloud. Until he did.

A Masquerade of Body and Soul by Annav94 - M, one-shot - She’s here to escape the reality, to break the rules. She is here to break the rules because all rules have only given her, is false hope. She turns her head and her eyes meet his. He’s there for the catch of the night. And while he finds himself smirking, smiling at the unforeseen turn of event, he wonders if truly Hermione Granger is flirting in a room full of witnesses with none other than himself - the infamous Draco Malfoy.

Imbolc by CosmicCthulhu - G, one-shot - Hermione celebrates the beginning of spring for the first time, years after the war. She's not the only one who wants a fresh start.

Suit Up by calico_kitten - M, 2 chapters - Gawain Robards has cooked up a new idea for the Departmental Hallowe'en Ball: comic book hero disguises!

This Mask I Wear by SlytherinHermione  - T, one-shot - This mask I wear feels cool on my skin. I slip it on, and the act is ready to begin.Safety. Protection. Freedom.

Lover of Fiction April 2021:

3 Words, 8 Letters by sodamnrad - T, 2 chapters - “Do you like me?” Draco’s flitty looks, his tart remarks about her feelings for Blaise, the way he’s following her around instead of chasing an eligible witch who isn’t pining over his friend is extremely telling.“Define like.”Her mouth unhinges. No effing way. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”“How do you think I feel?” He glares at her. “I haven’t slept. I feel sick like there’s something in my stomach, fluttering.” He presses a hand against his belly, as if he’s experiencing the sensation at this very moment.“Butterflies?” she deadpans. “No. No, no, no this cannot be happening.”“No one is more surprised or ashamed than I am.” He gestures to himself, lifting his chin tersely.“Draco, you know that I adore all of Earth’s creatures and the metaphors that they inspire,” she says as her hand forms a crushing fist, “but the butterflies have got to be murdered.”---Draco & Hermione: Their Story (2000s TV Drama Style)Dual POV | 2 Shot | Idiots in Love

The Ambition by In_Dreams - M, one-shot - After ten years at sea, Captain Hermione Granger has a ship and a crew of her own. But one of her new crew mates is a blacksmith from her past. Dramione Pirates AU.

Jitters by TheMourningMadam - M, one-shot - This was written for the Lovers of Fiction mini fest for April. Thank you to QuinTalon for being a gracious host in this fest.My prompt was Jamie and Claire Fraser from Outlander. If you have never seen Outlander, why not? You at least need to watch their first time to see some hot and bewildered Jamie. This is a tiny snapshot into what would be a much larger story, so please take it at face value.Also, I finished this story right at the wire, so didn't have time for a beta. All mistakes are obviously my own and I apologize. Bold sentences are word for word from the tv show.

I Meant Something Like That by CharliPetidei - M, WIP - “You know what’s funny?” said Hermione, crossing her ankles and leaning forwards on the slightly peeling leather sofa. “When I first saw your advert online… I thought you were Hufflepuffs.” The three men opposite her exchanged glances, and then the tall, platinum blond one (it had to be dyed, right?) with the funny name leaned forward, narrowing his eyes. Draco, that was it. “You thought we were what?” A New Girl Dramione AU.

The One Where Everyone Finds Out - Dramione Edition by Annav94 - T, WIP - Don’t we all know what happened when Phoebe finds out about Monica and Chandler in season 5 of Friends? Well, what would then happen if it was Draco and Hermione to be discovered by Pansy? Would then Theo try to calm her down, in the hope that she would stop screaming so his boyfriend (Harry bloody Potter, of all people) would be prevented from finding out about them is such crude way? And would Blaise go along with the scheme the two Slytherins would come up with to push the new couple to expose itself or will he be done with all the ‘pretending’ of not knowing, when he knew all along?Stay with me on this journey called: ‘The One Where Everyone Finds Out - Dramione Edition’.

The Dragon's Moving Castle by SlytherinHermione - T, WIP - Hermione Granger had accepted that her life wasn't going to be a great big adventure.She wasn't particularly beautiful, or interesting, and she hadn't been born with magic like her sisters. Really, she was just as plain as could be.One day though, a castle was seen rolling around the hills near her town.Not long after, she met a strange, handsome, and mysterious man.And she was cursed by the Wicked Witch of the Wasteland.Perhaps life was an adventure after all.

Lanky Brunettes with Wicked Jaws by Lostinthenightrain - M, one-shot - “You’ve got types?”“Only you darling.” He put his hand under her chin and brought her around to face him. He pulled her close with his arm held tight against her.  His head to the side of her own, he grinned. “Lanky brunettes with wicked jaws.” A gentle kiss placed against her jaw. She smiled, a blush prettying her cheeks as she pulled back.

Reader, I Married Him by Lostinthenightrain - T, one-shot - “Why must you?” he questioned as he pulled himself forward, using the rough pads of his fingers he gently touched under her chin, dragging her gaze to his own. “You know why!” She wrenched her chin from his grasp. “You are to be married, Malfoy.”

This fest is ongoing.

[misamccn]

linked - killua zoldyck. 

pairing: killua zoldyck x female reader

chapter word count: 2182

content warnings: violence, blood, child abuse, trauma, anxiety, death, abusive parents. 

summary: soulmate au - seventeen year-old (y/n) has never been free. after 9 years of being locked away with her father who uses her for her nen ability, (y/n) escapes and is on the run. she has big plans to become a hunter and see the world...until she meets her soulmate killua and his friends after discovering that her father is after her and wants to take her back. will she escape her father with the help of killua, gon, and alluka? will she bond with killua, or will they sever their link? 

:: prologue - running to the starting line

You craved control.

For all of your life, you never got to experience any kind of control, except when you were a little girl. Your mom would let you choose things for yourself. Like when you wanted to train, what you wanted to eat, and who you wanted to play with. But one day, she dropped you off to your father's house and she was gone. Murdered in cold blood that same night. Your light, happiness, and control died with her that day too. Gone in an instant. You would never choose another thing for yourself from that moment forward.

Until now.

Your feet, clad in thick black leather combat shoes worn with dirt and time, slapped against the wet pavement as you ran to the bus station. You roughly rubbed your hands against your tear-stained eyes. How could I be so stupid, you thought to yourself as your heart pounded in agony against your chest.

He really fooled you good, didn't he? For a second there, you felt safe. Like someone actually cared and didn't want you for your power.

Giichi...you bastard.

You clenched your fists angrily as you wiped the tears from your eyes. No more tears, I have to keep going or else dad will find me and I'll end up back in that cell.

After your mom died, your dad took you in and decided to make you use your gift as a payment for him taking you in. He took you underground in his base. There were no windows, no light, no color. It was dull and empty. The only things in your cell were a mat with a blanket, a toilet, and chains on the wall that were used to restrain you when you failed him and needed to be punished. You spent nine painful years down there. You spent your time healing your father's gang members and guards when they came back from a fight. The worst nights were the nights where a lot of them got hurt. Healing that many of them at once would almost kill you at some times, but your father never let you stop. He never let you have a break. The pain of it all left you breathless.

You were his tool and your purpose was to fix the people that were destroyed for him and his money.

The most painful part of it all though was probably the loneliness of it all. You didn't get to have any friends, and the only person your age that you knew was this boy that you met on an island a long time ago.

There was also your soulmate, of course.

He was always there, never fully in focus, but lingering in your thoughts. His emotions and feelings often filled your mind when they were strong. You didn't know his name, or what he looked like, but you knew him. Even if it was just a little bit.

You first felt him there the night your mom died.

The thunder and rain pattering against your window drowned out the sound of your sobs as you lay in bed awake that night. You had never felt so alone before. Not only was your mother gone, but her whole clan was gone. The people that she loved so much, and the people that you were just getting to know. Your small hand grasped your pillow tightly as a sob ripped its way through your throat when all of a sudden, you felt it. It was small, but nonetheless present. A soft, unfamiliar warmth lingered in the corner of your mind, almost like it was a little bit timid. It soothed her, suddenly she didn't feel so alone.

"I'm sorry," it seemed to say.

With tears still streaming down your cheeks and your eyes wide open, you whispered back, "Thank you."

There were multiple other occasions that you felt him there.

After your father smacked you around a few times for not healing fast enough, or not giving the results he wanted, you'd feel that same warmth.

When you were on the brink of death after healing too many terrible wounds at once, you felt his panic in the corner of your mind.

Sometimes, you could feel a deep loneliness in his mind. Sometimes you could feel he was in physical pain, just like you.

Was it possible that he was going through something similar?

You often wondered if he felt the lack of control that you did.

You knew that you would be destined to meet one day. When and where you didn't really know. You haven't found him yet because his first words to you were still written across your collarbone and you had yet to hear them out loud.

You were in no rush to find your soulmate though, you still had plenty of things you wanted to do. So many places to explore. So much life to live and take back. You were in no rush to settle down with a partner that you had no control over choosing, especially since you just freed yourself.

You ran away from your father's house about 3 months ago. There was a big raid. Enemies of your father had never broken into his base before, and you knew it was likely that it wouldn't happen again soon. So when the locks on your cell were unlocked due to the damage that was happening to the base, you took the opportunity and ran. You took your katana from your father's storage unit on the way out and bolted.

After running for a while, you found a small city. It was called Junipo City. The population was small and the poverty level was high. You were homeless for a while. You slept in an ally way behind the city's supermarket, and that's where he found you. Giichi.

When you first saw Giichi, you thought that he was very handsome. Just looking at his slick back black hair and green eyes made your heart do a little jump in your chest. However, it was his smile that pulled you in. There was something so friendly, so inviting about it. How naive you were then...

He acquainted himself with you and started dropping off food to you for about two weeks. After those two weeks, he convinced you to stay with him in a shelter that he lived in and worked in. He gave you your first set of new clothes in nine years, a place to sleep and food to eat. He took care of you, and for the first time since you escaped, you felt like maybe you didn't have to do things alone.

For the next two months, things were perfect. Giichi showed you all over town during the day. At night, he would bring you hot chocolate before you went to bed. You loved watching him play with all of the other kids and talk with the elderly at the shelter. Sometimes, late at night, you found the courage to confide in him. You told him about your past and all of your fears. Your heart began to flutter madly in your chest whenever he walked into the room. You thought that maybe, everything would be okay, maybe he even liked you too...

But after everything that happened tonight, you found yourself back in square one, alone again.

He had asked you if you had any career plans for the future.

"Hmm," you thought as your feet swung back and forth over the side of your cot, "I was thinking that maybe I could become a Hunter. I'm hoping to take the next exam. I think that my experience with nen and my katana gives me a good chance of passing the exam," you replied sheepishly.

"The next exam?" Giichi asked sorrowfully.

"Yeah," you smiled, "is there something wrong?"

Giichi smiled and shook his head, taking his seat on his cot across from yours.

"There's nothing wrong with that, of course. I'm really happy for you. It's just that...I'm really sad to see you go so soon. The Hunter exam is next week after all."

He looked back up at you. His sorrowful sage meeting your (y/e/c) ones. There was something in his look that made your heart soar...

"Giichi, I-"

He leaned in closer to you from his cot and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. Almost immediately you felt heat rise to your cheeks. He's so close...

"(Y/N)...I was going to wait to tell you this, but since you're leaving I have no choice but to tell you now," a mischievous smile found its way onto his face, "I really like you, (y/n). I have since the moment I met you. You're beautiful and strong. It really makes me sad that you're leaving before we had the chance to become something more than friends..."

Something more than friends? You had never thought about being more than friends with someone other than your soulmate...and even when you did think about that you figured that would be happening way down the line. Right now, you're free and you're allowed to finally make choices for yourself.

The first words of your soulmate burned angrily against the skin of your collarbone.

Could you pursue this, soulmate aside? No...no you couldn't. You were going to become a Hunter. You were going to make money and explore the world. Maybe along the way, you'd meet people and you'd get to finally use your power safely for people you care about...For now, though, you didn't have room for a relationship, despite what you felt for Giichi.

"Giich-"

Before you could tell him how you felt, he placed his hands on your cheeks and pressed his lips to yours.

You were completely frozen. Your eyes wide open in shock and your heart pounding against your chest. This was your first kiss. Before you could even process that thought it was over, and your soulmate mark was on fire.

He was there, lingering dejectedly in the corner of your mind. Feelings of jealousy, betrayal, and finally something passive washed over him in your head. And then he was gone. He shut himself out almost faster than your kiss.

Giichi pulled away from you, "After you get your Hunter license, will you come here and show me?"

You nodded your head slowly, your fingers playing with your tingling lips, "S-Sure."

He smirked and patted your head before walking away, "Get some sleep, (y/n). Goodnight."

Sleeping was the last thing you did. You laid awake in your cot, your soulmate mark throbbing against your collarbone. After about an hour of tossing and turning, you decided to get up and get some water, walking on your tiptoes to avoid waking the other sleeping children in the cots around you.

You were almost to the kitchen when you heard Giichi talking on the phone in his office.

"...uh-huh, yeah...She should be back from her Hunter Exam in two weeks, I'm guessing... Yeah...You can pay me and take her at the same time I guess, no need to make two trips... trust me, she'll definitely be back..."

You rocked on your feet outside of his office, almost losing your balance at the same time. He tried to trick you...he tried to gain your trust and sell you...To who though? Your father? A third party that knew about your power? That didn't matter, right now you had to get away and lay low.

You ran back to your cot and took the few things that you owned. You pulled on your black hoodie and pulled the strap of your Katana case over your chest and let your katana rest on your back. From there, you crept out of the back doors and ran into the night.

Your feet slowed to a stop as you reached the bus stop. A bus was there loading passengers so you immersed yourself into the line, pulling your hoodie over your face.

You took a seat alone at the back of the bus, the rain pattering angrily against the window and the wind rattling the bus.

You can do this alone, (y/n). Don't be afraid, you have to lay low for a little while.

You took a deep breath and shut your eyes. Regret weighed heavily on your heart and you tried to push these thoughts to your soulmate but you were met with silence.

The intercom on the bus buzzed to life, "Next stop: Yorknew City."

[honney-pies]

Ma Cherie ❤︎

What Once Was

Pairing: Inuokku/f!oc

Length: 9.3k

Summary: Sometimes reminiscing the past can hurt, but sometimes it’s for the better.

A/n: omg hey guys, sorry for taking so long. I had a lot to deal with these past two week, so I’m a little behind. This chapter focuses heavily on kanae and the relationships she has with those around her. This isn’t totally proofread and my desk top has been glitching a lot lately, so please let me know and I will fix it!

Ma Cherie master list

─── ⋆⋅ December 2017 ⋅⋆ ── 

Kanae’s standing outside the classrooms, watching as her breath fills the air. She hadn't noticed that everyone had already started to leave until Inumaki tapped her on the shoulder. She snaps out of it and sees that Yuuta was also waiting for her. Kanae smiled at the two, noticing how their hands brushed against each other. The three of them had been toeing the line between friends and lovers for some time now, so it was quite adorable watching Yuuta start to figure out that the couple liked him quite a bit. As all the first years were walking away from class, goofing around and acting like kids, Yuuta stops and looks at the sky. Everyone else stops and looks at him, asking him what's wrong.

“Uh, well… I just had a bad premonition,” he responded.

“You’re imagining things.”

“Yep, imagining things.”

“Okaka.”  Kanae laughs softly at everyone’s comment. She looks at Yuuta and grabs his wrist before hurrying up to catch the others. 

“Huh? Guys wait!” She feels a nudge from Inumaki and she looks over at her boyfriend who tilts his head  and smiles at her, she smiles back.

“Well, your ability to sense curse energy sucks, you know,” Panda starts. 

“Figures it be dulled, with a curse like Rika constantly around you,” Maki finishes. As they all continued to joke around and make their way off campus Kanae could see a little white blob in the sky. A bird, she realizes. A really big bird. Kanae felt her phone buzz and pulled it out.

‘Incoming call from weezer🧿🧿’ 

“That's unusual.” Kanae looks up from her phone to see what Panda was talking about to see that the bird has landed in front of them. 

“Yuuta’s intuition was correct.” Kanae quickly answers the phone call to alert her brother that there was a bird heading for them, even though she knew chances are he already sensed it. As the bird landed, another figure fell to the side. Kanae could make out formal clothing, a Gojo-kesa, and a lot of black hair, but that’s not what made her freeze. That bloodflow, she thought, I know it. 

“You’re… not staff,” Maki observed as she pulled out her spear. She sees a person she hasn’t seen in a very long time, her beloved brother. 

“Sugu-nii,” she whispers into her phone, already forgotten in her hand. Suguru looks around for a second before staring right at her and smiling.

��Yo, Kanae-chan! It’s been a long time.” Tears started to form in her eyes, she didn’t know what to do. Her chest began to tighten as a wave of emotions came over her, she feels overwhelmed and she just wants to go to sleep.

“Sugu-nii, what are you doing here,” she asks. Although she didn’t know if she wanted to know the reason why. 

“You’ve grown a lot, well I guess that’s to be expected. How are your studies going?” He eyes the phone in her hand and frowns slightly. She felt the blood rushing to her ears and couldn’t move. Suguru appears in front of Yuuta in an instant and she can’t help but feel slightly jealous of how quickly he moved his attention to someone that wasn’t her. Someone with more power, she thinks.

“Nice to meet you, Okkotsu-kun. I’m Geto Suguru.”

“O-oh hi, nice to meet you,” Yuuta replied.

“You possess a truly wonderful power, I see. I believe that great power ought to be used towards great ends.” Kanae felt her frustration bubble beneath her skin, like a wildfire with no one around to stop it. The Suguru she knew believed that the strong must protect the weak, that shamans exist to protect non-shaman. 

“Have you ever questioned the current state of the world? This world where jujutsu shamans act in secret in order to protect the order of commonplace society. You see, there’s this established paradox,” he started as he let go of Yuuta’s hands and began to move more freely, “saying that the strong must protect the weak,” he continued.

Kanae could feel her blood begin to flood through her ears, slowly drowning out the utter bullshit he was spewing. She saw Suguru wrap his arm around Yuuta, but at this point she didn’t care to listen. She was so unbelievably tired. Tired of listening to his tangent that is so different to the lectures he used to give her growing up.

“-we would like you to help us kill all non-shamans and create a world with only jujutsu shamans.” And in a split second, the pedestal she held her dear brother crumbled underneath his very feet. The others saw how upset she was getting and were also starting to get riled up. You see, Kanae has known that Suguru was not the same, but it’s different seeing and hearing it. She has heard for years about how he was a traitor, murderer, cult leader, but she could always deny it in her mind. How could someone who taught her right and wrong end up being so very… wrong? She poured hours of her life into reading the files the school has made of him. Spent hours outside his temple hoping to get the courage to see him, to ask why. She’s spent years trying to prove to herself that her brother never changed, but she’s finally seeing what everyone has been saying. She’s seeing all the things she’s ignored and she has this revelation that maybe, maybe she didn’t know her brother as well as she thought she had.

Above all else, she’s infuriated at how someone who hurt not only hundreds of innocent people, but her family, herself, her dad, waltz back into her home as if he never left it in the first place. As if he never left her. 

“Could you stop preaching your crazy beliefs to my students?” With the voice of her brother, the one that stayed in her life, she felt her anger bury itself further under the surface, where she could manage it better. Suguru’s mouth pressed into a thin line before turning itself into a smile, but not the one he used to give Satoru, a fake up filled with nothing. 

“Satoru! Long time no see!” 

“First of all, get away from those kids, Suguru.” She looked at Satoru and saw how tense his face was. She could only imagine the amount of heartbreak he must be feeling. The man still had a hard time eating fried chicken after all this time, let alone even speaking of KFC. 

‘Guess we’re going to eat a bunch of sweets tonight’.

“I had heard this year’s first-years were all outstanding students. Now I understand. It was all your doing. A special-grade cursed human, a cursed corpse mutation, the descendant of the cursed speech users, our beloved sister, and the zen’in clan failure.” Kanae clenched her jaw and moved herself to be more in Suguru’s eyesight blocking Maki, her best friend. She could feel Maki pull her behind her as she juts her spear forward towards Suguru. The look on his face makes her want to vomit, he looks absolutely appalled by Maki.

“Watch what you do, because I don’t need any monkey like you in my world,” his eyes slid over to Kanae, “how unfortunate that you’ve chosen their side, Kanae-chan.”

“Monkey,” he called her, he called Maki a monkey. Tears that had been welling up in her eyes were finally threatening to fall, not from sadness, but from the unabated anger making its way to her heart. Yuuta made eye contact with her before pushing Suguru’s arm off.

“I’m sorry. I don’t really understand what you’re talking about, but… I can’t help anyone who insults my friends!” Suguru lets out a sigh before he begins to speak once more.

“My apologies. It wasn’t my intention to upset you.” She felt a hand on her shoulder shortly before she appeared in between Yuuta and Suguru. ‘Toru-nii’.

“Then what exactly did you come for?” Even with the bandages covering Satoru’s eyes, she knew that the soulmates were making perfect eye contact. 

“To declare war,” he responded. Kanae felt her jaw tense and she gently nudged Satoru after feeling his hand tighten against her. Suguru turned away from Satoru and looked at the others.

“Everyone gathered here, open your ears and listen closely! On the coming December 24th, when the sun sets, we shall conduct the Night Parade of a Hundred Demons. It will take place in the crucible of curses, Shinjuku, Tokyo, and the holy land of jujutsu, Kyoto,” He announces. 

“We will unleash a thousand curses upon each place, and of course their command will be to ‘massacre’. If you wish to avoid a scene straight out of hell, come and stop it with all your might. Let us freely curse each other!”

The smile on Suguru’s face unnerves Kanae slightly and she has the sudden realization that maybe, just maybe, she genuinely doesn’t know him anymore. The blonde girl behind Suguru lets out a screech that quickly wipes his malice laced smile into a softer one.

“Geto-sama! The store’s gonna close!” Her whining was giving Kanae a huge headache. 

“It’s already that late? I’m sorry, Satoru, Kanae-chan. My girls just insist on going to get crepes from Takeshita street,” he began, “so I’ll be taking my leave.”

My girls, so he really did replace me. 

When she looked up, Suguru set a hand on her head, though there was a slight delay. Satoru had activated his Infinity on her when he had grabbed her, only releasing it when knowing Suguru wouldn’t hurt her.  

“See you soon, imōto.” He removes his hand and all she can think is how much she’s missed him. The two of them watch for a second time as he leaves and this time it stings just that little bit more. She looks at the group and then at Satoru, and takes a deep breath. 

“Maki,” she says, “can we make some cookies?” Maki, who knew the other girl like the back of her hand, simply nodded, knowing she needed the distraction while their teacher and the rest of her family would undoubtedly be busy with meetings. 

“Gojo-san, we need to go.” Satoru looked down at the girl, his little girl, and gave her shoulder one more reassuring squeeze before letting go. 

“I’ll swing by later tonight, okay,” he whispers before taking his leave and giving the others a nod and going back to campus. 

As they walked back she could feel everyone's eyes on her, it made her skin crawl. It was as if it was on fire and it made her so incredibly uncomfortable, but she told them that she would talk about her feelings when she was ready. And they respected her wishes just like she’s done to them many times before.

─── ⋆⋅ August 2017 ⋅⋆ ── 

It was the first time in a while since Kanae had been sent to live at the Technical College. After Satoru graduated, he officially adopted Kanae. It was a day filled with happy tears, hugs, and an obscene amount of sweets. They had moved into an apartment and her family quickly grew from there.

Nine years later she’s back at the school and moving into a dorm with the promise of learning and finally earning money. It was about two weeks before classes were supposed to start, but she wanted to get back into the swing of things, help Inumaki move into his dorm and maybe make another friend. There was one person she had yet to meet and she wanted to at least be acquaintances with the other girl before classes started. One perk of your ‘bro-dad’ being your teacher, you find out about stuff before you’re meant to. 

Kanae had already met and was friends with two of her classmates, Panda and Inumaki. Although the latter is her boyfriend and future spouse, so she supposed it didn’t really count. She had heard that the other girl was from the Zen’in clan and was unable to see curses. She hoped the two would be friends since they came from similar filial situations. 

As she was moving that last of her things into her new room, or rather Satoru’s old room, she spotted someone moving into a room not too far down. She finished setting her things down and made her way over to the room before noticing the door was ajar. She knocked and smiled when the girl turned around. 

“Hi, I’m Kanae! I’m your classmate, I believe.” The other girl did a once over before walking a little closer. 

“Maki, you are.” Kanae looked up at Maki and smiled another bright smile. 

“I like your hair! Do you need any help setting things up? I’m nearly finished, so I can lend a hand if you would like.” Maki looked down at the girl and noticed a couple scars on her body, a deep, jagged one on her collarbone. 

“I can manage,” she replied. Kanae nodded her head before saying her goodbye’s before heading back to her room.

“Oh, I almost forgot! Let me know if you would like to explore the campus later.” Maki turned back around and nodded.

“You’ve already taken a look around?” She smiled and nodded.

“Something like that.”

————————————————————————————————————

Maki did in fact take her up on that offer and the two spent the next couple of weeks getting to know one another and becoming friends. They made a couple references to their families and although Kanae already knew of her ties, she would never want to pressure someone into opening up before they were ready. 

The four first years quickly became friends and it felt as if they had known each other for years. Well for three of them that was the case. Maki would later learn that Kanae and Inumaki were in an arranged marriage, and were quite happy about it, along with Panda and Kanae knowing each other from their childhood. They were the only children around each other on campus and a friendship blossomed from there. 

Maki and Kanae would later become best friends and share about their pasts. The day Maki found out about Kanae’s last name, she knew she could trust her with her’s. The pair became two peas in a pod and spent quite a large amount of time together, forming a sister-like bond. After one job together the two got matching beads to make bracelets with.

“They’re kind of like my favorite thing ever. Although if you don’t wear jewelry we can find a different way to match!” 

A little over a month after meeting, Kanae had confessed that she wasn’t that skilled when it came to using weapons to fight without using her cursed technique. She was taught hand-to-hand, but had refused to learn how to handle a blade herself after some instances in her early childhood. Maki had been the one to teach her, and quite frankly who else would you want? 

In the late nights beneath the blanket of stars, it was difficult for Kanae to ignore her trauma and all the emotions that consumed her mind. She kept up her more carefree, level headed  demeanor during the day with ease, but when there was nothing else to occupy her it became overwhelming. Due to this the four would spend many nights together under the gentle glow of the moon, just talking and messing around. Just acting their age. 

Later in the year Yuuta would show up and Kanae would be forced to see her brother take his last breath, but that’s for later. This is now. 

─── ⋆⋅ December 2017 ⋅⋆ ── 

When they finally made it back to the dorm everyone agreed that they needed to take a five minute break before they started moving again. 

Kanae went to the showers alone since Maki was going to set her spear back in its case. As she walked she imagined all the time Suguru had walked these halls, had placed his feet in the same places as hers. After he defected she had spent a lot of nights with Shoko due to Satoru being a complete wreck, he would cry and he never liked crying infront of her. 

“I’m supposed to be the one comforting you when you cry, not the other way around.”

He had been so depressed after, albeit he still is, but when the memories were still at the front of his mind, when the wounds hadn’t yet faded to scars, he would lay in Suguru’s bed and let his body be wracked with sobs. It was a heartbreaking thing to hear and most nights, or early mornings rather, she would sneak into Suguru’s room and curl against her brother. He would squeeze her tight and not let her leave until the last second. As if he was scared she would leave too. 

While her mind was distracted, her feet had carried her back to Suguru’s room. She hesitated to open the door, but when she did it was covered in a thick layer of dust. No one has been here for years. Well, maybe Satoru since he could use his infinity, but she couldn't be sure

“Only for a minute, Kanae, you still have things you need to do, a shower to take, and acne to scrub away.” Unfortunately it was not a minute, not even five, when she looked at her phone she noticed it had been closer to two hours. When she rose from his bed her body hurt and there was an outline of her body on the sheets. Her head ached from the tears she shed, yet her eyes still burn with the anticipation for those to come. 

She eventually made her way to the showers and could see how red her eyes were and how swollen her face was. She thought she looked similar to a weird looking squirrel. 

________

After her shower she set her things down back in her room and made her way to the kitchen where her friends were there waiting. They made no comments about her eyes and no comments about her face. Set on top of the counter were all the ingredients for baking cookies.

─── ⋆⋅ October 2017 ⋅⋆ ── 

It was the day of the exchange event and Yuuta was looking a little nervous. More like queasy if anything. 

“ ‘Kkotsu, you feeling okay?”

“Kamo-san! How are we supposed to fight other students?” 

“Kanae, ‘kkotsu!”

“Sorry, sorry! Kanae-san, a-are you not nervous?” Kanae patted him on the back and smiled. 

“You’ll do great, ‘kkotsu! I mean you have a target on your back, but it’s nothing to worry about. Maki and I ‘ll make sure you don’t die! Right, Maki?”

“Don’t drag me into this, Kanae.”

“I’m going to die!” She sighed and shook her head.

“Ah, sorry, wrong choice of words. You’re not going to die, however you might get a little injured. Although everyone does.” 

“I’ve accepted death.” 

“My god, you’re dramatic.” She quickly glanced down at Yuuta to see if he heard her, he had and looked… well pathetic. 

But like a good pathetic. No, Kanae, don’t think that. That’s gross.

Kanae looked over at Maki and motioned for her to come over. Maki saw this and turned around, so she didn’t see them. Kanae’s eye began to twitch ever so slightly.

“Maki!” The girl groaned, but turned around and made her way over and looked at him.

“You’re not going to die, stop exaggerating. You’ll be fine. Now get up and don’t embarrass us.” Yuuta looked up at the girl and shrunk back.

“I’d get up and listen, Maki doesn’t like repeating things,” Kanae whispered before grabbing his arm and hauling him up before Maki got too frustrated. The two girls were wearing their matching bracelets today, although they weren’t the most neatly made things, it showed that they were a pair. Maki had hers underneath the sleeves of her uniform while Kanae had 

hers, and the many others she’s made/collected, where everyone can see. 

Maki didn’t like wearing jewelry since it made a lot of noise and could get in the way while she fought, but for Kanae she’d wear one. Kanae looked over and saw the Kyoto school began to show up, so she brushed off any dirt on Yuuta and smiled at him.

“You’re going to be just fine. Toge, tell him he’ll be fine.” Inumaki rested his hand on Yuuta’s shoulder and gave him a thumbs up. Panda watched this interaction and had a slight blush on his cheeks. He made his way over to Kanae and bent down to talk to her.

“Kanae, are you seeing this?”

“Seeing what?”

“Are you okay?”

“Panda, is everything alright?”

“Inumaki is flirting!”

“Huh?”

“He’s flirting with Yuuta!” She looked at the two and shook her head.

“He’s not flirting, but it’s fine Panda!” Panda looked down at the girl before feeling her head to see if she was being delusional due to being sick. Kanae let him be, but not before sending him a questioning glance.

“Panda… you know I wouldn’t mind if he was flirting, right?” Panda placed another hand (paw?) on Kanae’s head. She sighed and gently moved his hands away.

“Panda, I don’t mind if Toge likes ‘kkotsu. I think he’s kind of cute actually.” Panda looked at the girl, confusion written all over his face. After a couple seconds she could practically see the gears turning in his head.

“Oh… so you both like him?” She shook her head.

“I don’t like like him right now. If anything it’s a small crush, but I think Toge does. Though who could blame him, he’s really adorable.” Panda watched as the couple both looked at Yuuta and noticed how they both had a light blush on their faces. 

‘Humans are… weird.’

“It’s not weird, Panda.” The said corpse looks at her in astonishment.

“You can read minds?” She laughed and shook her head.

“No, I can’t, just a guess.” Panda hummed and nodded his head rapidly. 

“Kanae, Panda let’s go!” The two made eye contact and giggled. 

“I’ll tell you about it later,” she whispered before making their way over.

“Coming my lovelies!” Maki raised a brow and had a small smile on her face.

“You’re hyper today,” she noted. Kanae smiled at her.

“I’m always hyper.” Inumaki looked at her and bumped shoulders with her and grabbed her hand. When they finally reached the meeting place, she saw Noritoshi and some of her happiness began to subside. In its place came many variations of emotions. When it comes to siblings there’s typically a sense of  attachment, however she hasn’t spent time with her brother in quite a while. Yet there’s still that underlying feeling where she knows that he may not be able to think for himself just yet, he’d still protect her if need be.

“Akane-san, nice to see you.” Kanae’s hand clenched around Inumaki’s as she plastered on a smile. And there he went, bringing up a past and its memories along with it. A past that had no business being brought up. However she couldn’t blame him the same way she might her father.

“Kanae, Nori. I guess in our time apart you’ve forgotten.” His mouth set into a thin line before trying to speak once again, but Maki beat him to the punch.

“Play nice for now and remind him up close and personal later.” The girl let out a small laugh into her free hand and looked over at her brother.

“Only if you have my back.”

“I always do.” The girls made eye contact and smiled. Kanae’s big and bright while Maki’s was more subtle. Platonic soulmates are always the best kind of friendships to have. 

As she looked at her older brother she remembered meeting one day in the middle of the brutal summer heat and smiled to herself. 

‘He’s so different, yet so similar all the same.’

─── ⋆⋅ June 2005 ⋅⋆ ── 

The sun was burning her skin, but she didn’t mind. As long as she didn’t have to see her family. Satoru and Akane were at a meeting for all the shaman clans and he had told her that she should come too. 

Now you see, Kanae is a well respected shaman-in-training when she’s older, loved by many, but when Akane was not. Akane was a nuisance and forgotten by most.

A burden

A useless child.

A waste of male, Kamo blood and inherited cursed technique. 

Shortly before Satoru began school, the young girl had begun to show signs of a cursed technique, over time it became aware that it was an inherited one. In the Kamo clan women used to be worshiped. Women were seen as gods, as holy entities that were meant to lead rather than be leashed. Unfortunately foreign ideology slowly began to seep its way into the everyday lives of the people and enforced their ideals upon them. 

For many in the shaman world, or any world for that matter, women are treated as second class citizens if they’re lucky enough to be seen as human at all.  In the shaman world women are meant to breed more shaman children, and then their children will breed more, and the cycle continues. Kanae was blessed with a powerful cursed technique, blood manipulation. It garnered a lot of attention. Many believed that it should have gone to a male member of the family, someone who would become an heir. Though she didn’t know why anyone was complaining, Noritoshi was born powerful and most ‘importantly’ a male. 

Akane didn’t like attending these meetings, but Satoru told her that she had more than earned her place to be here and she was willing to follow him anywhere.

“You’re Akane, correct?” The small girl turned and saw another young boy, a little older than herself. Her eyes widened at him, he’s gotta be the heir for Father.

“Hi. You’re Noshitori,” she asked. His borrows furrowed and a slight frown tugged at his lips.

“Noritoshi.” 

“Oh, sorry.” He huffed and moved his head to face her more.The young girl thought his eyes were closed.

“How old are you?”

“ ‘m four!” She showed him a bright smile and he didn’t need to open his eyes any more than they already are to know that there might be a few teeth missing from it.

“Why are you here? Father couldn’t have asked you to come.” She shook her head before remembering he couldn’t see her.

“Oh no, he didn’t. ‘Ru asked me to come.” His brows furrowed again and tilted his head to the side.

“Who,” he asked.

“‘Ru!” The boy looked even more confused.

“Gojo Sa‘ru!” His eyebrows raised and Akane thought they might fly off his forehead. 

“Gojo Satoru?” He clearly didn’t believe her, but with the way she kept on nodding her head it was difficult not to. The two stood next to each other and had a one sided conversation because even though she was four and it was sometimes difficult to understand her, she never stopped talking. She went on about some kids in her class and how she was learning her letters and numbers, but she couldn’t read quite yet. She made it a point to describe everything was seeing, so Noritoshi could ‘see’ it too. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he can actually see and that his eyes just look closed. While he was looking at her as she talked, he noticed the similarities in their features such as their eyes and nose, along with their hair. Her eyes were gray, albeit a darker shade, and her hair was black like his. 

Once the meeting was over and everyone began walking out, Satoru quickly made his way to the children and ruffled the girls hair.

“Akane! You’re so lucky you don’t have to go to these things, they’re so boring. Maybe if you went inside with me next time it would be more fun!”

“‘ ‘Ru! My hair!” He laughed in return and turned his head to look at the boy.

“Who’re you?” 

“Kamo No-”

“He’s m’ brother Nori,” Akane interrupted. She stood up from where she sat on the ground and said her goodbyes to the boy, wanting to leave before the rest of her family showed up.

“See you later, Nori! It was nice meeting you!” He nodded and a small smile threatened to make an appearance, but before it could his father spoke and called him away, back to the estate where his mother no longer was. 

─── ⋆⋅ October 2017 ⋅⋆ ─── 

When the exchange event came to its conclusion, Kanae hadn’t been as amazing as she had hoped. She didn’t make it to the final round of the one-on-one fights, and she made many mistakes in the group battle. She wished she could have done more, fought more. 

She got too ahead of herself and nearly passed out from blood loss. Yuuta had to carry her around for that last part of the group battle, which she was still incredibly embarrassed about. However he assured her many times he didn’t mind it. She had gotten an earful from Yaga and Satoru, Maki had smacked her in the back of the head, Shoko had looked at her endlessly, but kept her thoughts to herself (not before staring at her in a way that made her feel even more embarrassed than she already was), and somehow Nanami even found out and sent her a wall of text telling her not to act that recklessly again. Inumaki had signed so fast she could barely keep up, and she felt awful for making him worry that much. He had sat next to her until Shoko allowed her to leave.

“Try not to pull a stunt like that again, Kanae. Too much paperwork.” Kanae smiled softly, knowing that she was trying to show her concern without outrightly stating it. 

“I’ll try not to, Sho-nee.” Shoko nodded and shooed her away the second she got a text from Utahime. 

When they went outside, Kanae felt her phone buzz in her pocket

‘Incoming call from shadow wannabe’

“Oh, ‘gumi wh-”

“What did you do?” Kanae paused for a moment. What did I do?

“... huh?” she heard a long sigh on the other end

“Gojo sent me a text saying you wouldn’t be able to get me from school and you’ve never been late, let alone not there.”

“Aw, are you worried about me?” She smiled.

“Nee-san.” She laughed at the huff he let out.

“Ah, well I needed to see Shoko. During the event, I pushed myself pretty hard and so I had to stay in the office for a while. But I’m better now!” She looked at Inumaki and tapped her wrist. He then showed her the time. 

‘Thanks,’ she mouthed. 

“It’s pretty late, please tell me you didn’t just get home?”

“...No.” Kanae let out a sigh.

“Were you bullying kids again?”

“It’s not bullying if they start it, plus you’re the one who told me that bullying works.” She rolled her eyes.

“I said that ‘cause you’d pour ranch, ranch, all over your fries and then wipe your fingers on your shirt. It was gross, and now you don’t use your shirt as a napkin. Bullying is effective in some cases, like when it comes to siblings. I don’t think you need to get nearly expelled from another school. ” Inumaki was laughing quietly next to her as the two continued walking to their respective dorms. Megumi mumbled something under his breath that Kanae didn’t catch, though she could take a wild guess at what it was.

“Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine, ‘gumi. Nothing I haven’t done before. You had a test today right? How was it?”

“It was fine, I guess. Boring, Nakamura-san tried to cheat off me again. If she wasn’t obnoxious I would’ve let her be, but she’s never returned my mechanical pencil and she even uses it right in front of me! So of course I tell the teacher after the test. She tried to get her little brother to beat me up. Her little brother.” Kanae laughed softly, voicing her frustrations and agreeing that maybe harassing children was okay in the instance. She had been watching Inumaki fiddle with her fingers as they waited outside the dorms for the call to be done. After a while, she looked around and noticed that Noritoshi was waiting for her on a bench just outside the dorms. 

“Hey, ‘gumi, I gotta go, but I’ll call you back later okay?” He stopped his tangent about how he couldn’t wait to be done with middle school.

“Can you facetime me later so I can see the ‘hottie’ you’ve been talking about lately?”

“Which one?” 

“Black hair guy.”

“Oh, Okkotsu. No, he’s asleep in the infirmary right now, but we’ll call you back okay? We’ll introduce you to him soon.” 

“Hi, Inumaki-san. Bye, Inumaki-san.” Kanae chuckled before hanging up. 

“Toge, you head back first. I’ll be there in a sec.” He nodded, but not before giving her hand a squeeze. Kanae made her way over to her brother and sat down next to him.

“What you did today was reckless.” She groaned.

“Not you too, I literally just sat down!” He looked over at her, the tiniest traces of a smile on his lips. 

“Yes, me too.” Kanae sighed and leaned against the back of the bench.

“It’s nothing either of us haven’t done before. I don’t know why everyone is acting as if there won’t be days where I’ll be put in a worse situation.” He sighed and looked at her.

“We all know that being a shaman comes with its occupational hazards, but that doesn’t change how -how idiotic you were acting. You were actively drawing blood out of your body and trying to control it with no medium to ease that burden. That’s dangerous! I know that we all will have to put our lives on the line a million times over for this job, but that doesn’t mean one should seek out death. There is a difference between risking death to win and being willing to die.” She peeked over at him and saw the furrowed brows, his worry lines creased.

“You sound like my dad.” 

“Well Gojo-san is right.” She looks at him with wide eyes before bursting at the seams, letting out a loud laugh. 

“I wasn’t talking about Toru-nii, to be specific, I meant in general.” He glanced towards her and frowned.

“He adopted you, did he not?”

“He did.” He nodded his head before looking back over.

“Is he- is he nice?” Kanae looked at him before smiling.

“He’s the best dad I could’ve asked for.” Noritoshi looked down at the ground, a smile fully formed on his lips.

“That’s good.” She glanced at him a couple times before she began to fidget, picking at her nail beds.

“I… I’m sorry for making you worry. I’ll be more careful in the future.” She moved her body to face his. She hesitantly wrapped her arms around him. He froze for a second before wrapping his arms around her.

“I’m sorry for not being there for you, for not being a better older brother, Kanae.” She felt her emotions bubble their way to the surface.

“I forgive you, it’s not like I was the best sister either. Thank you for being here for me now.” They sat like that for a while, not moving. 

That night they opened their hearts for the other. After years of competing against each other, it was weird, but it was for the better. The two would still get into arguments about their… family, but now they were no longer alone in the Kamo clan. In the future they would slowly grow a bond and finally become the siblings they have longed to be for one another. But that’s the future. Tonight was the first step into becoming a family, towards healing.

─── ⋆⋅ December 2017 ⋅⋆ ─── 

The sound of laughter filled the air as everyone was somewhere in the kitchen baking. It was a mess, but they would deal with it when the time came. Satoru was watching in the doorway, watching as children got to be children. He had planned on consoling Kanae throughout the night, but can see that she’s distracted for now, so he went home to bother Megumi. He’ll cancel classes tomorrow and spoil everyone, like an amazing teacher would. 

“Kanae-san, where did you learn how to make cookies?” She was sitting on the counter as Inumaki was putting the cookies into the oven for a couple minutes longer. Maki and Panda were trying to stealthy eat the leftover batter even though she said not to since there were raw eggs in it, and Yuuta was standing to the side of her, very close.

“Su-” she took a deep breath before continuing, “ My brothers taught me how to make them. Any time I had a bad day, we would spend hours in here making cookies, brownies, cake. Anything sweet really, Toru loves sweets.” He kept on twisting the ring on his finger, his connection with Rika. He then looked at her and moved closer so that his stomach was touching her knee.

“Do you mean Geto?” She hums and nods. He was watching every little twitch she made, making sure she was okay and that he wasn't overstepping. The two continued to talk about everything, anything, and nothing as they waited for the cookies to be done. Inumaki eventually made his way over and stood shoulder to shoulder, well more like shoulder to arm, with Yuuta, effectively corralling Kanae. She has a soft blush on her cheeks the more and more they move closer. She went to look around the room to see if the other two could save her from embarrassing herself, but they weren’t there.

How convenient.

“You know… since I call you by your first name, you should start calling me by mine.” There was a light blush on his cheeks as he said this.

“Yuuta… are you flirting with me?” That blush traveled to his ears. A slight nod of his head. Kanae leans in just a touch closer, though the blush she sported alo grew. She felt her blood rush to her head as Inumaki draw shapes on her thighs. 

“We’ll always be here for you. We will try our hardest to make sure Geto doesn’t hurt you.” She looks him dead in the eye and her face goes slack.

“Yuuta, Sugu-nii hurt me a long time ago. I- I appreciate the thought I really do, but I’d rather he hurt me than hurt anyone else. Actually, I’ve never told you about him, have I?” Yuuta shook his head. They all sank against the wall and onto the floor.

“Well, I first met him when I was four.”

─── ⋆⋅ September 2005 ⋅⋆ ─── 

It was a couple weeks since school started and the three first years had yet to actually become the friends they will be to one another in the future. Suguru and Satoru weren’t best friends quite yet, and Shoko hadn’t scammed her way to a medical degree either. They had yet to go through the horrific tragedy that was Riko Amanai’s and Haibara Yu’s death, Suguru had yet to adapt the ideology of wiping out all non-shamans. The future has yet to happen, but unfortunately it is inevitable.  

Satoru had been extra hyper that day, ready to get school over with faster than normal. He was getting on everyone’s nerves and Yaga had given up correcting him earlier within the day. When classes finally finished Yaga had pulled Satoru to the side and told him he needed to talk to him before Satoru could leave. 

Suguru had been on his way to his dorm room to finish his homework when he saw a small girl walking up the steps with a small bag wearing a formal, and quite beautiful, kimono. Suguru walked over to the girl and squatted down in front of her.

“Hi, I’m Geto. What’s your name?”

“Hi, I’m Akane.” The young girl did a deep bow and nearly fell over. She quickly raised herself, blushing from embarrassment. 

“Are you a firs’ year?” He raised a brow, wondering who this girl was, but nodded his head regardless.

“Do you need help? Did you get lost?” She shook her head, but Suguru still took her bag, holding it for her. She thanked him before asking if he knew where ‘Ru’ was. He was confused, seeing as he didn’t know a ‘Ru’, but told her he’d help her find him. It wasn’t long before it became apparent the girl knew more about the campus than he did. As they were turning the corner she heard a frantic ‘Akane’.

“ ‘Ru!” Akane smiled widely before taking off in the opposite direction. Suguru followed after her, however only needing to walk to keep up with her. When he saw Satoru making his way over to the girl, it finally clicked who ‘ru’ was. Satoru. He felt a little foolish for not catching on sooner, but watched as Akane launched herself into his arms, gripping for dear life. 

“Akane, I've told you not to wander off like that when I’m s’posed to meet you somewhere.” She tilted her head down and mumbled a small sorry. Satoru sighed before saying he’s sorry for taking so long. 

“Ah, sorry Gojo, it's my fault she wasn’t at the front. I was helping her look for you.” Satoru finally looked up from the girl, directing his eyes to his fellow classmate. 

“How annoying,” was all he said before getting up, while still holding the girl, and walking off. Suguru quickly followed when he remembered he still had the child’s bag. As he followed he saw Akane making silly faces at him and giggling. Suguru found it quite amusing, even more so when Satoru saw the exchanges the two were having. Satoru scoffed when he saw the young girl smile at his classmate.

“Are you jealous that she’s giving me attention, Gojo?” Satoru turned around with a disgusted look on his face. 

“Who would ever be jealous of you? You have weird bangs and an awful hairline.” Suguru pulled a face as if he’s sucked on a lemon and kicked his shin. 

“My hairline is not awful and my bangs are fine. You shouldn’t even be saying anything about my hair when your hair looks the way it does!” Satoru and Suguru were invading each other's personal space, faces an inch or two apart. 

“What about my hair, Geto?” Akane watched from her place in Satoru’s arms and laughed loudly. Both of them backed up and looked at the girl.

“You like each other!”

“... Huh?”

“Sensei says that if a boy picks on you it means he likes you. You pick on each other, so you like each other.” Oh how observant and blunt children can be. Both boys complained and made comments about how ‘wrong’ she was, but we as the readers (and those with common sense) know they’re just stupid. 

“Wait… Gojo, how do you know Akane? Is she from your clan?” Satoru looked him dead in the eye and with no hesitation responded.

“She’s my sister, you idiot. Ya know for someone who claims to be as smart as you are, you’re pretty stupid. How’d you think I knew her? Did you think I had a kid at eleven, that I kidnapped her and she has Stockholm syndrome?” Suguru looked to the side, letting out a nervous laugh.

“Oh my god you did, didn’t you?” Satoru shoved him before walking off with the girl, failing to remember her bag again.However, that may have been on purpose so a certain boy would be in his dorm later that night.

 When they finally got far enough Akane reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“You called me your sister! Does this make you m’ brother?” Satoru looked at the girl, a laugh falling through his lips.

“I’ve always been your brother, since the day I met you.”

That day Kanae gained a brother and discovered she had one all along. That day Kanae opened her heart to another person without meaning to. In the future he will walk off with a part of not only hers, but her brother’s as well. When that day arrives, her brother will be there to comfort her, to remind her that he’ll always be there. When that day arrives, Kanae will learn that sometimes ‘soulmates’ doesn’t mean forever. 

─── ⋆⋅ December 2017 ⋅⋆ ─── 

Kanae felt the tears make their way down her cheeks, she felt Yuuta hold her in his arms as Inumaki got up to take the cookies out of the oven. She felt safe, loved, and appreciated. When Inumaki came back, he brought a plate of cookies with him.

‘Do you want to go to your room, or one of ours?’

“ Mine, please.” Her voice was soft, almost like she was whispering. The three of them picked up their things and made their way to Kanae’s room. Yuuta had only seen her room in passing, never actually stepping inside. It felt taboo in a way, he’d never been in a girls room before. Though the way the couple held his hands, guiding him in, there is no way in hell he would walk away. 

Stepping into the room, he saw that her room was cluttered, not messy, but covered with items. He saw that there was barely any actual room to be seen. There was something covering nearly every inch. What caught his eye were the polaroids taking up a good chunk of her wall. Some were faded, discolored at the edges, while others were more recent. There were so many different people in the photos, but some were consistent. In an older one, he saw two boys holding Kanae at the beach. The boys held hands and one of them was giving the older one a kiss. He could see how bright everyone's smiles were. Upon closer inspection, he noticed that the boys looked familiar. Yuuta’s eyes widened as he turned around.

“Kanae, is that sensei?” She looked over and nodded her head. 

“The boy next to him is Sugu-nii. They used to take me on trips with them all the time.” He saw the dates on the bottom of the pictures span across years. Small sticky notes to the side stuck close to the photos. Unlike the photos, he could tell that these weren’t old, they were relatively new. 

‘7/9/07 - last family trip to the beach’

‘4/12/07 - yu and ken-nii took me to the movies’

‘6/21/05 - first playdate with Nori’

‘5/17/05 - first playdate with Toge’

‘10/6/05 - last day with mother’

Yuuta watched silently as Kanae stood next to him, a vacant expression on her face, while she stared at them.

“What do you see when you look at these, Yuuta?” He looked confused at first before taking a closer look. What caught his eye was the way Geto seemed to go from a smiling, happy person to a cold, husk of a human. He also saw Gojo go from a carefree person to someone who bore a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He saw Shoko’s eyebags grow darker, he saw Nanami grow more distant, he saw Kanae having a harder time smiling. He could see how much it pains her to stare at the people that are no longer in her life. 

“You… you’re hurting all the time, aren’t you?” She looks at him, her eyes dulled just slightly. 

“I’ve seen the more brilliant shamans come in and out of these dorms. I’ve seen them pursue successful careers, I’ve seen them die while attending here. I’ve seen so many people who feel the same as Suguru, I’ve felt the same as him. After he left I still held hope that he wouldn’t stay gone. That he would come back. I would leave voicemail after voicemail, asking him when he’d be home, that we’d welcome him with open arms. I think Toru-nii still would, to be honest. He could never move on after he left. I keep these photos as a reminder, to remember the people I have lost, to remember those who didn't get a chance to grow old like I have.” He sees Inumaki reach out and hold her. He holds her against his chest, trying to offer any comfort he can. Yuuta looks at Inumaki, silently asking him if it truly was okay for him to be seeing this, for him to comfort her. 

Inumaki reaches his hand out, an invitation for him, Yuuta hesitantly grabs his hand. Inumaki pulls him towards them and this time Yuuta doesn’t hesitate. He wraps his arms around the people he cares deeply about. He holds them for the rest of the night, taking his place in their hearts and solidifying his place in their lives. 

─── ⋆⋅ September 2007 ⋅⋆ ── 

The day started fairly bland if anything. The sun was slightly hidden by the clouds, it wasn’t too hot or too cold, Kanae hadn’t slept in and she made sure to carefully make her way from her brothers tangled limbs and tiptoed out of Suguru’s room before leaving. 

She went to school and no one said anything mean, she got a good score on her spelling test and she wasn’t late home. Suguru had told her before Kanae left for school that he would take her out for ice cream if she had done a good job. He had said that he would be there waiting for Kanae at the school gates. 

He wasn’t.

The six year old had thought that maybe he was busy, or that he lost track of time, although three missed calls later she decided to go home. Satoru had gotten her a phone after what happened the year before with the older kids bullying her so she could get help if she needed it. 

Throughout the walk back to the school, she had hoped that he would be there to greet her.

He wasn’t. 

She had sat in the kitchen, waiting for him to pop up and fulfill his promise of ice cream.

He hadn’t. 

She had sat on his bed doing her homework, hoping he was busy with a mission or out with Satoru.

He wasn’t. 

She had been wandering the halls, looking for him, when she heard her older brother yelling. It was then she thought that maybe he had died. That he wouldn’t be coming back. 

He hadn’t died. 

She watched as Satoru screamed and screamed, hoping for an explanation. 

She wouldn't get one for a long time.

She saw her brother a couple days later sitting on the steps of the school, eyes red, face swollen, as he explained to her simply. 

“Sugu-nii won’t be coming home, Kanae.”

“Did he die?”

“...no, not physically.” 

She had waited for Suguru anyway, waiting for him to come back and make Satoru feel better. 

He never came.

One day after school she walked and walked to see if she could find Suguru herself. 

She did.

“Sugu-nii? Is that you?”  she watched as he turned around, surprised to see her there. He had been talking to an older man with a faint mustache on his upper lip and spiky hair. 

“Kanae, what are you doing all the way over here? It’s not safe. Where’s Satoru?” She looked at him. She saw that his eye bags were gone, that the slump in his shoulders was no longer there, that he was gaining weight again. She also noticed that his hair was no longer in the tight bun he usually wore. 

“ ‘re you feeling better?” His eyes widened a small fraction and smiled.

“ I am. Where is Satoru?”  She looked to the side quickly for looking back at him.

“He’s not here. I don’t think he’d notice right now.” He frowned slightly before kneeling down in front of the girl. 

“I’m sure he will, Kanae. He’s just moping about. Satoru will be back to normal soon.” She shook her head.

“ It’s like you died, Sugu-nii. I don’t like it at all. Are you coming home soon?” He looked at the girl, thinking of what to say next. 

“Kanae, I’m not coming back.” Kanae’s brows furrowed before looking back at Suguru.

“What d'ya mean you’re not coming back? You have to, so we can be a family again!” He let out a heavy sigh. How do you tell the person who you view as a little sister, who you know if you stayed with you’d view her as your daughter, that you’re leaving and have no intentions of coming back? Suguru didn’t want to hurt her anymore than he already has or will, but he knew he couldn’t let her continue to hope that one day things will go back to normal. Even if he did, he would be executed for his actions. He reached for his wrist, taking off his bracelet, and handed it to the girl.

“Here, Kanae, so you can remember me. Satoru has a matching one, you’ll be his only family now, so you need to take care of him. Okay?” She looked at him confused.

“But you’re family too.” He opened his mouth then quickly closed it again. Suguru looked at the sky before looking back at her.

“I hope you’ll forgive me one day, or at least try to, but I’ve found a new family. One who understands me, who won’t judge me.” The small girl looked confused. All this time she had thought that they were a family, a happy family. Kanae thought that the love they had for one another would be invincible. Tears welled up in her eyes that she tried to fight back. 

“But I love you, isn’t that enough?” Suguru was at a loss for words. He had been the one to preach to the girl that love can save people, that respect can save people. How could he face her after everything he’s said?  

“I will always love you, you and Satoru, but I can’t stay in that place anymore. I was in pain and now I’m not,” he rose from where he was and pulled the girl into one more hug, “when you’re older, you can come find me, but for now you need to stay with your family.” 

Kanae hadn’t understood it at the time, but she did get older. As she grew up, she poured over the files of her brother, trying to understand why he did what he did. She sat at the steps of the cult for hours at a time, trying to get a glimpse of him. She even tried to go in, but Kanae could never open the door. 

As she grew older, she began to understand where Suguru was coming from, but that didn’t mean she agreed with it. She continued to deny her brother's actions, still clinging onto the hope he would be there when she woke up. 

He wasn’t. 

_______

-omg guys I’m so funny!!1! I was not originally planning on making this have so much angst, but i changed my mind later lol. The next chapter, ‘bona fide’ will be the final fight in jjk0 and bringing us to season one of jjk, which should be released 9/23. The next chapter after that, ‘purple lilac blooms’ will be a 5+1 fic which should be released 9/30. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked it!

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

"I have some problems with [Luke] as a character)" was mentioned in your Reylo response post. Very interested in what your thoughts are on Luke! 👀

Do you want me to get murdered?! Well, if I didn’t get lynched for calling Sirius Black a Stephen King villain I can surely do no worse here.

Let’s do this.

Caveat that, as usual, I am wearing a heretic hat and expect no one to agree with what I’m saying.

Luke Skywalker, much like Harry Potter, is not the character the authors and vast majority of the audience seem to think he is. Luke is seen as the true coming of the Jedi, the light side of the Force incarnate, and someone so innately good he was able to redeem his father, restore peace to the galaxy, and restore the Jedi Order.

I disagree with all of this.

I think this is what Luke thinks he did but the truth is far sadder and, well, in general worse.

First, let’s start off with Luke’s hero’s journey throughout the saga.

Luke starts your ordinary guy, he’s not bad by any means, but he’s not particularly good either. He lives in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, part of a relatively well off family, and set to inherit the world’s most boring business: moisture farming. He has dreams of going out, seeing the world, and becoming a great pilot.

Important to remember but what most people gloss over: Luke starts if not pro-empire then neutral towards it. Luke wants to attend flight school, given his desire for glory and adventure, he probably wants to join the empire’s military. He might not like Storm Troopers all that much but the fire of revolution doesn’t burn in his heart the way it does Leia’s.

Now, personally, I like this about Luke. It makes sense to me. Given where and how Luke grows up, given all he’s ever known, I think this makes perfect sense for his viewpoint. He might get hassled by stormtroopers now and then but the empire really doesn’t interfere with his life except in a) propaganda b) offering an escape from his dull existence. What would someone like Luke know about the Rebel Alliance?

The movie however... sort of goes out of its way not to acknowledge this, and this is where I start having problems with Luke. Luke gets Leia’s message about Obi-Wan Kenobi, sees the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen in his life, and gets to embark on this amazing adventure. The story sort of takes it for granted that he then agrees with old hermit, Obi-Wan, that the empire is evil. This is helped because Luke does too.

In other words, Luke’s opinions are very shallow and lack any introspection. Finding himself in the company of Jedi, smugglers, and hot rebel princesses, Luke suddenly goes, “Ah, yeah, I hate the empire!” We never really see him change his mind by reflecting over what the Death Star means/the destruction of Alderaan, the death of his relatives, or his meeting with Darth Vader. Luke seems to be won over... Honestly, it feels like it’s because the Rebel Alliance let him fly a plane before the Empire did.

Then he blows up the Death Star, is a galactic hero/enemy number one of the empire, and he’s full on board resistance man and the next Jedi.

Which brings us to point number two, Luke legitimately thinks he’s a Jedi.

Obi-Wan gives him half a word of advice for maybe half of a day, watching Luke swing a sword around and get shot at by a robot. Yoda trains Luke in a swamp for, generously, maybe a week or so before Luke ditches him (against his advice even) to go save his friends. Luke has 0 training (beat out only by Rey, who wasn’t trained at all). More, he lives in a world where everything he knows of the Jedi is colored by Palpatine’s propaganda and old legends. The Jedi temples have been ransacked and presumably next to nothing of the Jedi culture remains, I can imagine Palpatine as being nothing but thorough in his elimination of the Jedi religion. The Jedi survived in Obi-Wan, Yoda, and in some sense Anakin Skywalker.

They do not survive in Luke. Luke puts on some quasi-Jedi robes, slashes his sword around a few times to save Leia from Jabba, and he says, “Now I am a Jedi!” Luke is that kid, LARPing, yelling “firebolt, firebolt, firebolt!” Only, that is, if the LARPing consisted of him representing a massacred culture thinking he’s it’s sole legitimate heir. So... Luke is playing Cowboy and Indians, and he’s the Indian.

In my opinion, Vader wasn’t so much redeemed as he always had a very high priority in finding his son and keeping him alive. The obvious way to do this would be to take Luke as an apprentice and, eventually, murder Palpatine. Well, that didn’t pan out, and eventually Anakin chooses murder-suicide to save his son’s life. It’s very touching, I’m not knocking the moment, but I do think a lot of that was Anakin vice the inherent goodness of Luke.

Anyways, Luke and pals save the day, they start a new republic and then they learn life is complicated. The new republic fails within decades, worse, it’s feeble and likely torn apart by civil war, strife, and constant infighting. It is utterly powerless, to the point where the First Order easily rises to replace the Empire and take over its vast resources (with Palpatine building a secret sith army on the side no less). That Leia rather than lead an army through the new republic in the sequels is leading her own private resistance army is very telling.

Fitting in with this, Luke starts a Jedi Academy. The prequels, and yes go ahead and slander them all you like but they’re better than many admit, taught us a few things but one of them is that it is hard to be a Jedi. To walk the path of a Jedi is to open yourself up to great temptation to use the dark side, and the dark side isn’t just some strange quirk or sense of duality, it is the equivalent of selling your soul. It is an unnatural action that leads to unnatural abilities. 

You get a bunch of Force Sensitive kids in a room: you better know what you’re doing.

Luke doesn’t. He collects a handful of the remaining Jedi artifacts that Palpatine somehow didn’t destroy, opens up his Jedi School (even teaching his nephew), and within maybe five years the place is burned to the ground, his students murdered by his nephew, and his nephew runs off to join a Sith Lord who appeared out of nowhere (Luke not realizing that this was just immortal cockroach Palpatine). 

Luke then becomes a grumpy old man who just can’t deal, sits on a rock drinking blue milk, and whines that for how shitty of a teach he was that Obi-Wan guy was worse for messing up with his father. Which, frankly, is very in character for Luke.

Luke has never really failed in his life, or at least, never had to recognize his own failure. So, when he does, he a) doesn’t realize what went wrong b) blames everyone but himself c) sits on a rock and waits to die.

So yeah, that’s Luke for you.

A whiney, shallow, stupid, somewhat narcissistic, hero. I... don’t dislike the concept of his character, played more straight I’d love his character, but I dislike that people talk about him like he’s the most noble creature to ever grace the planet and has this inherent understanding of a murdered people that the murdered people themselves never had. 

(All the Jedi were doing it wrong! Luke made the real Jedi Order! Is something I see a lot and... well... say what you will about their philosophies, but this kid who was not a part of that culture “doing it better”... That’s real problematic folks, real problematic.)

[rein4r1]

Portrait

Wc: 1.9k

Warning/s: Homophobia, Signs of Mental Illness, Mentions of Mental and Physical Abuse, Mentions of sexual activity, Dark Content

Pairing: [Modern AU] Mikasa x F!Reader (They/Them)

Genre: Fluff if you squint, Angst

Synopsis: On which Mikasa offers them a solution to their problems

or

They couldn't help but create a different reality

MINORS READ WITH DISCRETION

“So tell us Y/n L/n”

“Tell you what? I have nothing to tell you!”

“Tell us why you killed your parents.”

They pulled her knees to their chests, tightening their hold. The air from the AC doing nothing but worsen the already dreadful atmosphere. With shaking hands, they touched the side of their face, feeling the sting from where their father slapped them from hours ago. It wasn’t his aggressiveness that hurt them nor was it the shattered frame of a portrait that stood proudly on top of the island table, but it was their mother’s words; “I can’t believe we have a homosexual under our roof!”

Their parents were always conservative, believing that people who like the same sex are nothing but sinful. In all honesty, they believed every word they fed growing up. At least until they met her. Maybe deep down, they were already different from what their parents fear, just hiding in the closet. The first time they saw her was in the middle of the hallway, junior year in high school. To be honest, they didn’t have friends, them having friends is far-fetched anyway.

Not only did they hate their situation at home, but they also hate their situation at school. It’s not like they’re physically troubled by other kids, but they can always hear their murmurings, clearly them being the subject of their gossip.

“For someone with a pretty appearance, they sure are crazy.”

“Shut up! They might hear.”

School was already hell for them; just in the middle of the hallway stood a girl with short black hair, there she stood in the sea of despondence. They always had a downcast look, when was the last time they stared at anything but their feet. They can’t help but be drawn to her dark orbs, something about her enigmatic look draws them to her. The felt their body move automatically towards her, but in the heap of the crowd, she was gone. Their eyes searched any nook and cranny for her, hoping that there’s something she left by. And they felt it, the erratic beating of their hearts, as if nothing will help to calm it.

The next time they saw her was at the school’s courtyard, sitting at one of the benches looking like she’s lost in her own thoughts. They slowly approached her, sitting just at the other end of the bench. As if sensing their presence, her head turns towards them. Her face shows aloofness, but their eyes bore in theirs with curiosity. She turned her head back to the horizon, clearly not minding their presence.

“You look sad.” ‘What?’

“You look like… you’ve been failed by the people around you…” she continues as they look at her with sadness in their eyes.

“Wha- What are you talking about?...” And out of the blue, she pulled them towards her, letting their head rest on her shoulder. She brought her hand to caress their hair, and all they could do is cry. It’s been so long since they became vulnerable, looking no different than a walking corpse. “Don’t worry Y/n, I’m here now.” ‘Huh but how does she know my name?’

“Wait how did you-“

“I’ve always been watching you Y/n, I’m sorry it took me a long time.” They look at her face and saw genuine repentance. “But I haven’t- I don’t know who you are.” As if sensing their growing confusion, she smiled; “Mikasa, my name’s Mikasa.”

Mikasa is their first friend and the first person they talked outside of their family. They didn’t feel alone anymore with the girl beside them. The once suffocating halls didn’t feel smothering anymore. Their eyes didn’t look downcast, it slowly began to look less dull and look more with vigor. But that didn’t do anything to lessen the outlandish look their schoolmates gave them, their mumblings only continue to worsen. It didn’t matter anymore, since Mikasa is by their side, and she didn’t feel alone anymore.

Mikasa slept over at their house, this was something they’ve been looking forward the whole weekends. Lying together in their bed as they faced each other, Mikasa brought her nimble finger to draw in their features as she reached stay strand of their hair and placed it behind their eye. As if there was an unknown force that compels them to each other, they felt her lips brush against theirs in a gently manner. Feeling the way their lips moved in sync with each other, Mikasa’s kisses were steady, gentle, and slow

She looks at them as if she revers them with her whole entirety. They felt her hands drag across their skin like an adagio. Mikasa looked at their eyes for any signs of discomfort, but they only brought themselves closer as an answer. And that night, they made love under the light emanating from the moon.

A few days later, Y/n sat at the dining area with their parents for dinner. Their mother was babbling about how charming their neighbor’s son is. It fell into deaf ears of course, only having Mikasa in their thoughts.

“Y/n you should meet Mr. Grice’s son, I heard he’s about your age.” They snapped their head towards their father, they could not believe the words that came out of his mouth. Never in her life did he appreciate them having any malefriends. “You ought to have friends at your age, create a network with people.”

“I already have a friend ‘pa” he could only dismiss their reply. Their mother clearly being insistent on bringing the Grice boy and them together. “I know both of you are taking your exams for university, it doesn’t hurt having room for more people in your life.”

“I thought you never wanted me to have any guy friends.”

“But it’s the Grices we’re talking about.” They came to understand their mother’s intentions. The Grice family were considered wealthy and influential, who doesn’t want to marry into a rich family anyway? Obviously, Y/n L/n who only has Mikasa in their heart. Plus, the Grice boy already had an army of girls (and boys) willing to be his significant other. It was supposed to be a normal dinner, with them minding their business, leaving their parents to whatever chit chat they’re engrossed in. That is until, their father said something that triggered more on her already displeased mood.

“God, those sinners, parading around for some rights when they clearly don’t deserve any.” Her father muttered in disgust. The television was on, displaying news about a protest done by the LGBTQ+ community in accordance with the rights of their transgender brothers and sisters, considering that there is a rise of crimes towards the group. “If only they weren’t that then people wouldn’t-“

“I’m gay.” Their parents snapped their heads towards her, their expressions full of vexation.

“Y/n come again? What did you-“

“I’m fucking gay ‘ma, and I appreciate that the both of you stop asking those people for liability for something they clearly didn’t do, especially that they- we, are discriminated by people like –“ SLAP

They looked at their horrific faces, hand on their cheek. They expected this, they knew they were like this, but they couldn’t stand them any longer. They couldn’t help but think of Mikasa, the fact that they have this kind of mindset already means that after learning Mikasa’s existence, they’ll get in between them.

“I can’t believe we have a homosexual under our roof!” Their mother cried and their father’s face full of furry. “Go inside your room! We’ll deal with you later. FuckI can’t look at you right now without having the urge to murder you! And I don’t want to commit a sin like you!” Their father’s voice echoes around the room, as they quickly left her unfinished dinner, seeking solace inside their room. Sitting at the innermost corner of their bed, they leaned against the wall and brought their knees towards their chest. They expected them to be like this, but deep down they were hoping that they’d understand, that they’d accept them for who they are.

They felt their phone ring as they moved towards the bedside table and saw a text from Mikasa.

They immediately dashed towards their mini balcony, and there she is, Mikasa in all her glory. Seeing her made them break down, they found solace with this woman. To them, Mikasa is their sanctuary. Mikasa held them tight under the dark sky and the cold wind of the early hours of morning. She listened to them as they bawl their eyes out, pressing kisses on their face in hopes that this will make them feel better.

“I have something for you.” Mikasa reached something in her pocket to reveal a necklace with a vial as its pendant. They looked at the necklace with an astonished look, Mikasa then proceeds to wear the necklace on their neck. “You know you can do this Y/n” Mikasa smiled at them as she pressed another kiss on her shoulder, wrapping her arms around them. “I know you can”

Their parents woke up at the delightful smell of breakfast. They were bemused at the food that is already prepared on the table.

“Oh, both of you are awake, I prepared breakfast.” Their father looked at them suspiciously, but she only smiled cheerfully.

“What is this? Didn’t we tell you to-“

“I would like to apologize for yesterday, I was clearly stressed because of my exams. I was probably just confused… Yeah just stressed” they chuckled, they felt a bit unsure of their words, but they only brushed it off, content that their child finally came into their senses. They took a sip of their tea, as they began to converse with their parents. “You know about Grice, maybe I’ll approach him later at school.”

“Really? That’s great Y/n!” Her mother chimes.

“Yes ‘ma” They continue to look at their parents. Minutes pass as something went eerie that they could not explain. ‘Something’s weird’ their father glanced at their grinning face. They suddenly lack the ability to speak. As they slowly grow limp from their chairs. They could only stare at their child’s retreating form as the light in their gets swallowed by darkness.

“Tell us why you killed your parents.” Are they out of their mind? Kill? Why would Y/n kill their parents? They may have hurt them too many times, but they could never hurt their parents.

“Kill? I did not kill them!”

“The autopsy showed signs of poisoning, and the investigating team found its connection with the tea they drank. In addition, you were the last person they were last seen with.” They were confused, the tea?... The tea!

“It wasn’t me… It was… It was Mikasa!” Their eyes widen in confusion. “She gave me a vial. It was her!” They wrote their claim down on a piece of paper.

“Mikasa?... I need her last name.” He probes. ‘Wait, she never did give me her last name.’ The officer slid a small envelope. The opened it to reveal a portrait that looks oh so familiar. It’s one of the portraits her father flounced in the heat of anger. A portrait of a young woman with a baby in her hands. ‘No this can’t be… this is just a coincidence. This woman-‘

“-is Mikasa Ackerman, the one who gave birth to your mother.”

That night, they never received a text from her. It was only their alarm setting off.

An: I feel like this is badly written so bsoibhaoibh

I apologize for any grammatical errors and improper use of punctuation marks.

[roman-writing]

bring home a haunting (9/12)

Fandom: The Haunting of Bly Manor

Pairing: Dani Clayton/Jamie Taylor

Rating: M

Wordcount: 19,386

Summary: Dani almost has her life together, when a familiar face arrives back in town after ten years. A childhood friends AU written with @youngbloodbuzz

read it below or read it on AO3 here

IX: 1987

-

It wasn't Jamie at Thanksgiving.

Jamie bringing Mikey. Jamie being charming. Jamie seated at the table with the whole family as though she’d never left. It wasn’t the way Dani had sat two seats down from her, wishing she could be close enough that their legs pressed together beneath the table, and in turn resenting herself for desiring such a thing in the first place. Here. Where Dani was surrounded by her fiancé and her future in-laws. Burying her nose in her wine glass against her better judgement until by the end of the night she had felt off-kilter, until she had needed to retreat to the bathroom to splash her face with cold water and sit atop the toilet seat with her head buried in her hands just to be alone for two minutes.

It wasn't Eddie's announcement that he'd booked the botanical gardens as their wedding venue for the next year.

Eddie telling her proudly after work one evening. Eddie listing off all the ways the venue suited their requirements. Eddie expecting her to be relieved that he’d taken such initiative to lift this burden from her shoulders, to allow her to focus on things like flower arrangements, and bridesmaids, and card stock for invitations. Dani had taken the news in stride. Her smile had been broad enough to pull at the seams until she felt like she might split open. She had let him kiss her on the cheek and take her out to dinner. She had let him place his coat around her shoulders, let him place his hand at the small of her back, let him place his hand on her knee the whole ride home.

It wasn’t even her mother dragging her off to Davenport on the weekend to try on wedding dresses.

The long car ride. Her mother in the driver’s seat, while Dani had tried to avoid conversation by staring at scenery through the window. Karen picking at every detail of the dresses that Dani had lingered over – this was too long, this was too ivory, this revealed too much of her back. Dani had let Karen speak with the store attendant instead, walking along a row of sumptuous dresses – innumerable yards of lustrous silk and satin, of muslin, velvet and lace – and unable to imagine herself in a single one. And after lunch, Dani had walked along the riverbank, gazing out across the sun-glinted water, and had thought faintly to herself that this was as close as she’d ever been to the state border. Wondered if she tried to sprint across the bridge, if she would be flung back, pulled by some greater gravity.

It was her car dying. That was what finally did it.

She'd had to call a tow, and Roger Simmons had let her hop into the passenger's seat with a kind smile as he dragged her car behind his truck all the way to the shop. The mechanic spoke like a coroner, coldly addressing what had done the old girl in, while Dani listened, hearing only a high whine in her ears, rising in pitch. In the end, Eddie had to come and pick her up to drive her home. She went in a daze, Jamie's coat draped over her shoulders, a wad of bills clenched in her fist – cash exchanged for scrap metal — and the box of precious things tucked beneath her crossed elbows.

It was the sleepless nights that followed. 

It was waking up to sounds of drumming against the walls, a hollow noise, a hollow bang, as though from a fury with an iron glove. And it was waking up again with a jerk, a cold sweat, clutching at her throat and struggling to breathe through the fading nightmare of a rope coiled and snapping taut. Outside, a car in the predawn dark would pace the restless streets, headlamps like eyes lighting up the blue dimity curtains of their bedroom window in passing. 

And Eddie slept through it all. Shivering with cold, Dani would curl up against his broad back, wrap an arm around him and lie awake until her body slowly warmed against his, until the rising sun began to tint the world a pallid ghostly grey. By the next morning, she would remember nothing of the terror. Only the cold. The deep and gripping cold. 

“Not to be rude or anything,” said Jamie, “but you look like absolute dog shit.”

Now, standing in the doorway to Jamie’s house, Dani laughed. An honest slightly maddened laugh. It was Sunday morning, and Dani could not remember a time when she had felt more tired. She held a bag of food from Owen's that she barely recalled picking up earlier. There was the impression of wandering all that way, as though sleep walking, drifting down the familiar streets and hardly registering the fact that her feet were carrying her to a predetermined destination. As though an internal compass had an arm fixed firmly and pointing towards Jamie.

"Thanks," Dani said when she finally managed to stop laughing — just on this side of hysterics — wiping at the corners of her eyes and smiling weakly.

Jamie stepped aside to let her in and shut the door behind her. "Have you not been sleeping? And where's your car?"

Dani had to swallow back a tightness in her throat. "I sold it," she said, taking off her shoes and setting them to one side. "It died and I sold it."

"Sorry to hear that,” said Jamie and she sounded genuine. “But, hey. If you ever want advice buying a new one and don't know what to look for, I can help."

Dani didn't want a new car. She didn't want any car that wasn't purely her own and nobody else's. A car bought with a joint account. A car chosen on someone else's recommendation — no matter how sensible. None of it was sensible; she didn't want sensible. She wanted to go back to 1981 and purchase a car that let her feel — for the first time in too long a time — free.

There was a gentle touch at her elbow, and Dani tensed. She turned to find Jamie watching her with a kindly expression. "You want a cup of tea?" Jamie asked. "Only — it looks like you need one."

Dani's mouth opened, then shut again. She nodded, drawing in a deep breath. Her morning cup of coffee — Eddie had made it, insisting it was his turn — was a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. The only effect it seemed to have had was increasing her heart rate and leaving her bereft of the ability to sit still without feeling like she was going to self-destruct.

She followed Jamie into the kitchen, answering Jamie's questions with half-phrases and murmurs, distracted by the glance of light through the windows, by the way it seemed to cast Jamie all in bronze. A statue breathed into with life as though by an artist’s hands. Somewhere along the way, Dani had dropped her purse to the floor and sat at one of the bar stools, resting her cheek heavily in one hand.

Jamie set the kettle on a back coil and frowned over at her. "It's only nine, you know. You sure you don't want to have a quick nap before our usual torture via sci fi?"

Dani tried to imagine sleeping on the couch while Jamie puttered around the kitchen, and knew it would be impossible. She shook her head. "Thanks, but your couch is very sunny."

Indeed, the couch was sun-bathed and bright, just visible in the other room. The idea of sleeping there, waking up sweltering where anyone could walk by the house and see her, made her stomach turn. 

"Doesn't have to be the couch," Jamie said. "I've a perfectly good bed upstairs."

Dani’s head jerked back. She pointed towards the stairs and said, “You mean — yours?” 

"Yeah, unless you want the kid's room," Jamie opened up a cupboard and took out a tin full of tea bags. "Trust me. You don't."

“If - If that’s okay,” Dani said, voice rising in inflection like a question. 

Jamie set down the tin. “Said it was, didn’t I? C’mon. Up you get.” She started towards the stairs and gestured for Dani to follow her. 

For a moment Dani stayed seated at the counter. She could say no, and Jamie would let her. Jamie wouldn’t insist. Jamie would go back to making tea and small talk until Mikey wandered down for breakfast and television. 

Scraping back the stool, Dani stood and trailed after her. Jamie didn’t glance back as they climbed the stairs together. Dani kept a hand on the wood-painted railing all the way up as though the earth might pitch beneath her feet. When they reached the landing, Jamie held up a finger to her lips and pointed at Mikey’s shut door, the two of them slipping past, and then Jamie was pushing open the door to her room.

With a sense of unreality, Dani stepped inside. Her memories of Jamie’s personal space always involved mess, a sort of organized chaos. The years had dampened that only somewhat. A few of Jamie’s clothes were still strewn across the floor and clutter accumulated on the dresser, but the bed was made and the air had that recently vacuumed smell. The curtains were drawn, admitting only a faint sliver of light from the far wall so that the room was pleasantly warm and dark. 

Giving Jamie a furtive and apologetic shrug, Dani stepped towards the bed.

“I’ll leave you to it, then,” Jamie said from the doorway as Dani sat on the edge of the mattress, nearest the window. 

“Don’t,” said Dani, “let me sleep too long.”

Jamie smiled at her. “Go on. Get some kip,” she said, and pulled the door quietly shut behind her. 

Dani listened to Jamie’s footsteps retreating back down the hall. She didn’t realize she was gripping a corner of the sheets in a fist until she felt a dull ache in her hand. Clasping her hands together in her lap, she sat there and stared at the drawn curtains. 

This side of the bed had no side table. Then again, Jamie had always preferred the right side of the bed. Somehow that simple knowledge was like a thrilling secret. Dani glanced over at that side, at the half empty glass of water and the faded novel and the pocket knife. Sitting up slightly, Dani tugged out the sheets and slipped beneath them, not bothering to get undressed. 

Somehow this was worse than the couch. She was a voyeur in her own skin. Every motion seemed performed outside of herself, viewed by a camera lens through a keyhole. Dani sprawling across the mattress. Dani twisting up in the sheets. Dani pressing her face into the pillows and inhaling deeply. Dani pulling the covers up until her head was all but covered, until she was wrapped up in the familiar warmth and smell, until the sleepless nights came rushing over her, dragging her down, down into the vasty deep. 

She awoke to the sounds of voices, distant through the door and down the stairs. Blearily she blinked and squinted around the room. The first thing she registered was that the bed was oriented incorrectly; it should have been up against the other wall. And the voices weren’t quite right either. There was the distinct lack of a Scottish burr. 

Because it wasn’t 1978, and she wasn’t at the railway cottage, and Ruth Heron had been dead for over a decade.

Five more minutes, she thought muzzily to herself. Just five more minutes and she would wake up. 

Five minutes came and went. Head still buried in a pillow, Dani lifted her arm to check her wristwatch. Thirty-five minutes, in fact. She couldn’t remember falling asleep again. Only that she couldn’t think of a time when she wanted to wake up less. Only that Jamie’s bed was far more comfortable than her own, and that even after all these years she could with confidence say she much preferred it. 

Pushing herself upright, Dani fumbled with the skin-warm covers. She was swinging her legs over the side of the bed and running a hand through her sleep-mussed hair when she heard a gentle tap on the door.

“You decent?” Jamie’s voice asked from the other side. 

Dani’s fingers curled at the hem of her skirt. She said, “Come in.”

The doorknob turned slowly and Jamie poked her head in before the rest of her followed. “Feeling better?” she asked, shutting the door behind her.

Dani lifted her head slightly, remaining perched on the edge of the mattress, angled away from the door. “A little.”

Jamie’s footsteps padded closer and behind her Dani could feel the bed sink down slightly beneath a new weight. She stared down at her own bare ankles. A slit of light through the curtains lapped against the carpet, so that it seemed her feet were underwater. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

A precarious lock of hair fell into Dani’s eyes, and she raked it back with both hands. Her fingers remained tangled there, slumping down so that her wrists rested against her shoulders and she held onto the back of her neck. 

“It wasn’t half mine,” she said finally after a long pause. “The car, I mean. It wasn’t half my car. It was just - just mine. Nobody had to lend it to me, or share it with me, or withhold it from me, or - It’s silly, I know. I’m being silly.” 

“You’re not.”

Hesitantly, Dani twisted round. Jamie had moved up the bed so that she was leaning easily against the headboard, propped against a pillow. One leg hung over the side of the mattress, and the other was bent at the knee. Ten years ago, Dani would have sank down beside her, would have rested her head in Jamie’s lap or on the perch of Jamie’s shoulder. Now the spread of sheets between them might as well have been the breadth of the Atlantic. 

“It’s not silly,” Jamie continued, “wanting something that’s just yours. Not at all.” 

“I have this.” 

The words spilled out of her before she could properly think over their implications, and Dani rushed to clarify. 

“Sundays,” Dani said. “I have - I have my Sundays back, I guess.”

“Not really just yours though, are they?”

“What do you mean?”

Jamie smiled softly and gestured to herself. “Well, I’m here. Taking up your precious Sunday time.”

Dani’s mouth felt dry. “Yeah,” she murmured. “But that’s -” 

She didn’t say: ‘different.’ She didn’t say: ‘what I want.’ She meant it, though, and the words hung unspoken between them. 

Dangerous, Dani thought. Being here — in Jamie’s bed, still tired, still muddled from sleep, the truth on the tip of her tongue — was dangerous. 

Jamie looked away and Dani found she could breathe properly again. She cleared her throat as Jamie moved to stand up without doing so. Gesturing to the bed, Jamie said, “You can keep sleeping, if you want. I can tell the kid to keep it down and do homework, and you can sleep.”

“No,” said Dani faintly, then with more strength, “No, I want to wake up.”

 --

It was far too early in the morning to be teaching children songs to a nativity play. Dani stood at the front of the otherwise empty auditorium with her class, clutching a cup of coffee that she had smuggled out of the teacher’s lounge. It was ten days until Christmas, and not a single one of these kids was ready to perform at the school play. Bless them.

Dani winced when the tune slid distinctly south of the intended key. With a fortifying sip of coffee on her tongue, she shook her head and raised one hand. “Okay, stop! Please! Let’s start from the top again, all right?”

She shot a plaintive look towards Ms. Reeves, who was by this time an institution in and of herself. Ms. Reeves was also the only competent pianist at the school and could sight-read sheet music. With a nod, Ms. Reeves pushed up her thick tortoise shell glasses and struck a chord to orient the kids back to the beginning of the song.

It did not go any better than last time. Not even with Dani slowing them all down and singing various sections by herself, so they could hear the difference. That didn’t seem to help much. If anything, the kids were adamant that she could keep singing so they could just listen and whittle down the clock until freedom. And she couldn’t blame them. She herself kept checking her wristwatch, wondering how many minutes until she was free from the purgatory of work so close to the holidays. 

“You know,” she told them once they’d finished, “I’m not the one that’s going to be singing in front of all your parents.”

“But you’re much better at singing, Miss Clayton.”

“Yeah, you should just do the performance for us. We’ll be back up dancers.”

Dani gave a snort of laughter and rolled her eyes. “Well, that’s very flattering, but ultimately unhelpful. And it’s definitely not happening. So, we’re going to practise again tomorrow. All right?”

A chorus of whines answered. Dani held up a hand and began shooing them off the stage, “I don’t want to hear it. This is your only homework this week. So, you’re welcome. Go. Go on.”

It did not take much urging. They went with talk amongst themselves, shared excitement and laughter at being let free. One or two of them gave her a wave in passing. 

“Bye, Miss Clayton.”

Dani smiled. “Bye, Mikey. See you later.”

Mikey trotted after a small group of his friends, shouldering his star-splashed backpack. At the piano, Ms. Reeves was shuffling together the sheet music and stashing it in the compartment hidden in the seat before she too shuffled towards the exit, trailing after the children.

Still on stage, Dani called out after her, “Thank you, Ms. Reeves! I’ll see you tomorrow!” 

No sooner had the door shut behind her however, than it opened again. Dani, who had begun cleaning up after the kids — the last thing the janitor needed was to sweep this whole place when it would just take a few minutes of her time to pick up the bits of litter that seemed to accumulate wherever a pack of children roamed — glanced up, expecting to see that perhaps one of her students had left something behind. Instead, Hannah walked into the auditorium, her heels clicking against the polished floors. 

“Oh, hi!” Dani greeted with an absentminded smile, even as she ducked down and tucked a few crumpled wrappers into her pocket for disposal later. “Fancy seeing you here!”

“Just doing the rounds,” said Hannah. “Finished some paperwork early.”

“Lucky you,” Dani drawled. She dropped down to one knee and reached under a stand to fish out a piece of paper that had been left behind. Someone’s old homework, no doubt. “I still have to -” she pushed herself upright, careful not to spill what remained of her coffee “- enter last week’s tests into the system. Good grief, how do they always leave so much trash everywhere? They were only here for forty minutes.”

Hannah climbed the stairs to join her on stage, the two of them arrayed like actors before an absent audience. “So, how many ear plugs should I bring this year?” she asked.

“At least two pairs for you and me,” Dani answered, sharing a small smile with her.

“Nothing for your beau? I didn’t think you the type to let him suffer alone.”

Dani laughed. She folded up the page of old homework and slipped it into her pocket. “This isn’t one of the events he’ll want to come to. Trust me.”

Hannah cocked her head to one side. “And what of Miss Taylor?”

Taken aback, Dani blinked and fumbled for a response. “Jamie? Well, she’s not - I mean - We’re just friends.”

Hannah gave her an odd look. “Of course. I was only asking if she would be attending to see her brother.” 

“Right,” said Dani. “Yeah. Yeah, she’ll be here.” 

When Hannah simply watched her curiously, Dani tucked a lock of hair behind one ear and sipped at her near empty cup of coffee. It had gone completely cold and bitter, despite the copious amounts of sugar and creamer she had added earlier. 

“Have you worked out the catering yet?” Dani asked. Anything to fill the dead space, to divert Hannah’s too clever, too perceptive, too gentle gaze. 

The corner of Hannah’s mouth quirked in a knowing smile, but all she said was, “Yes. I thought I’d take your advice, actually.”

“Oh?”

“I’ve been in touch with the owner of that cafe in town,” Hannah said. “And Owen has gladly agreed to be the school’s supplier for the after show event.” 

“Owen , huh?” Dani repeated, grinning. “Not Mr. Sharma?” 

“Shall we play that game, Miss Clayton?” Hannah said, and though her tone was light the look she shot Dani was warning. 

Clearing her throat, Dani turned the empty cup between her hands and glanced away. “Point taken,” she said weakly.

For a moment she feared that Hannah would press. A shiver of utter dread wormed its way up Dani’s throat, locking her jaw in place like a coroner’s wire sewn through the gaps in her teeth. Hannah knew. If not the specifics, Hannah knew something. She had seen the flowers. She had seen Dani and Jamie interacting at school events and camping trips. She had seen Dani spiraling at the Halloween fair, had calmed her down in the shadow of the old brick building, and sat with her until Dani could gather the pieces of herself together again. It’s all right , she had said. It’s all right. 

And even though Hannah said nothing now, the words hung between them. They were alone in the school auditorium, on stage before an empty crowd, and Dani could not shake the feeling that if she looked up, there would be a bucket teetering in the rafters over her head. 

“Do you have any plans for the holidays, dear?”

The question was so casual it took Dani a moment to register that Hannah had once again allowed her to slip away, unscathed and unnoticed. 

“Just the usual,” Dani said. “Home with my mother and the future in-laws.”

“Well, that’s something, isn’t it?”

Dani smiled. Something. Yeah. It sure was. Another year at Judy’s house. The last year until she was another Mrs. O’Mara in a family full of Mrs. O’Maras. 

“And you?” Dani asked. 

With a sigh and a one-shouldered shrug, Hannah said, “The holidays are always quiet for me. I left my life back in England, when I came to America.” 

“Why not,” Dani gestured with the cup towards the auditorium at large, “go back? Don’t you ever travel anymore?” 

“Oh,” said Hannah, sounding surprised. “Not really, no. Apart from coming here. But that was a bit of a spur of the moment decision to follow -” she cleared her throat and whatever she had been about to say was replaced instead by, “Well, to follow a job opportunity, I suppose.”

“Do you miss it?” Dani asked. “Home, I mean?”

Hannah smiled gently. “Is it home, I wonder? I cannot say. I miss people. But — well. I have people here now, don’t I?” And she grasped Dani’s arm with a brief warm touch. 

Dani blinked in surprise. “Of course. Yeah. You know, you could - you could come over. If you wanted.”

“That’s very kind of you, but not this year, I think.”

“Hey,” said Dani softly, and she reached out as if to grasp Hannah by the elbow, to return the gesture, only to let her hand fall back to her side instead. “I know I call you ‘Mrs. Grose’ and all that, but that’s not — I think of you as a friend.”

“Does that mean I can expect to receive a wedding invitation?” Hannah asked slyly, avoiding Dani’s well-meaning American earnestness with all the finesse of an Englishwoman incapable of stomaching such bald sincerity. 

Dani laughed. “I’ll make sure to sign the invitation myself.” 

“Very good.”

“So,” Dani nudged Hannah’s foot with her own, “Next year? Christmas? You’ll come over?”

Hannah chuckled warmly. “Next year.”

 --

There was a blanket of snow across the ground and Dani had elected to wear heels. Simple navy dress shoes. Just enough to give her an extra two inches of height and match her outfit. The moment she opened the car door and was met with a bank of snow along the curb side, she scrunched up her nose and weighed up her chances at being able to step over it. Her skirt probably wouldn’t give her the range of movement.

She was still pushing at the quirks of her gloves, when Eddie said from the driver’s seat, “I got it.”

He stepped out of the car, door slamming behind him, and rounded the car so that he could kick a path through the snow for her. Then, holding out his hand, he grinned. “Think Mark will hire me as the new plough driver?”

“You missed your calling,” Dani replied. She took his hand, giving it a grateful squeeze and allowing herself to be pulled up and out of the car.

“Well, if this council role fails, at least I have that.”

He didn’t bother locking the car as they made their way up the street towards his parent’s house. Dani kept her hand tucked into the crook of his elbow, shoulders hunched up and huddled beneath her jacket. The pavement had been salted and was bare of snow or ice. Great plumes of white feathered the night air with every breath. Dani shivered.

“God, I can’t wait for spring,” she muttered under her breath.

He chuckled, then took her hand and pressed it into his pocket, wrapped up in his hand for warmth. “You could’ve just worn boots, you know,” Eddie said. “I hear ski jumpsuits are very chic nowadays.”

“I think my mother would kill me.”

“We could write Dior across the back with a bedazzler. That way she couldn’t complain.”

Dani snorted with laughter before she could stop herself, biting back a wide grin. She nudged him in the ribs with her elbow. “You’re almost as bad as Jamie.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

By some miracle, Dani didn’t slip even once on the short walk to the front door. She ran a quick hand across her hair to ensure it was still coiffed to perfection while Eddie knocked. They didn’t actually wait for anyone to answer. Knocking was more of a courtesy. The moment after Eddie knocked, he turned the handle and pushed the door inwards to admit them, calling out, “We made it!”

“Merry Christmas!” a few voices said in jumbled unison, while Judy called from the kitchen, “Come in! Come in!”

“Shut the door while you’re at it!” Tommy added. “You’re letting out the heat!”  

The two of them shuffled inside, shutting the door and pushing off their coats and gloves. Eddie held out his hand to take hers and she gave them to him with a grateful kiss on the cheek, which he ducked down to receive before striding away to hang up their things in a closet around the corner. The house was pleasantly warm and bright. A fire flickered and popped in the hearth. A few of Tommy and David’s kids were playing cards on the rug in front of it. Tommy and David themselves were seated on the couch, chatting with their dad and nursing beers. Their wives were sipping wine; the two had cordoned themselves off by the chairs near the Christmas tree, which was already piled high with presents for tomorrow. Taking off her heels and setting them by the front door, Dani gave the two other women – both sleek, polished, and brunette – a nervous little wave and a smile. They returned it, looking as plasticky as Dani felt.

Already Dani felt herself tense up with quiet dread at the thought of making small talk all night. The section of hard floor by the front door was slightly wet from the residue of snow left when people first stepped inside, and with a grimace she stepped further into the house and onto warm dry carpet. Before she could go any further however, there was another knock at the front door. And this time, it didn’t immediately open after.

Looking around, nobody else seemed to be moving. So, Dani walked back a few steps and opened the door to find her mother standing on the other side, a bottle of red wine under one arm.

“Oh,” said Dani, smiling weakly. “Hi, mom.”

Karen cast an appraising glance across Dani’s appearance – navy skirt, navy jacket, cream-colored blouse, bare-stockinged feet – and her eyebrow rose.

“What? Did you leave your snow boots at home?” Karen asked, moving inside so that Dani had to step out of the way.

Dani sighed. “Merry Christmas, mother.”

Normally that kind of tone would have earned her a sharp-tongued rebuke, but from the couch Mike said jovially, “Karen! Nice to see you!”

Her mother removed her shoes and strode towards the couch to talk. Tommy and David exchanged their pleasantries. Meanwhile, Dani caught Mike’s eye over her mother’s shoulder. He winked at her, but the action was so fast and subtle she might have imagined it.

Making her way past the living room, carefully not catching the attention of Tommy and David’s wives, Dani slipped into the kitchen. There, Carson and Judy were adding the finishing touches to a feast’s worth of food already spread out across the center island, while Eddie rummaged around in the fridge.

“Oh, honey, don’t you look nice,” Judy greeted her with a smile. She gestured Dani closer with a spatula so she could give her a brief one-armed hug and a peck on the cheek before returning to task.

“Hey,” Carson said, flicking a towel at his brother’s backside. “If you’re not going to help, get lost.”

Eddie straightened with a scowl, clutching a can of beer in one hand. “Knock it off, Carson.”

“Mom, tell him to get out of the kitchen.”

“Get out of the kitchen, Eddie,” said Judy in an absentminded tone, busy carving an enormous glazed ham and plating the slices. 

Eddie shut the fridge door and said, exasperated, “Why do you always side with him?”

“Because she likes me more than she likes you,” Carson whisper shouted, dodging out of the way when Eddie took a swipe at the back of his head. 

Which was, of course, exactly when Judy chose to look up from her carving, her face a fixed scowl of displeasure. “Edmund! On Christmas? Really?”

“Wha -?” Eddie pointed at Carson, but whatever excuse he’d been about to say died on the tip of his tongue as his mother returned to what she’d been doing. “Unbelievable,” he muttered under his breath.

Carson flapped the towel towards the exit to shoo his brother away, and Eddie went, sipping sullenly at his beer. “Not going to save me?” he asked Dani as he passed her in the doorway.

Dani shrugged apologetically but she was grinning when she replied. “Your mom’s house. Your mom’s rules.”

“Smart girl,” Judy murmured.

Eddie left, grumbling all the while. Carson waved cheerily after him and only stopped when Dani gave him a look.

“What?” Carson asked. 

“You know what.”

“He was being in the way,” said Carson as though that justified everything. “He’s always being in the way. I thought you of all people would understand that.”

Even Judy shot her an amused glance at that. Dani crossed the room and snatched the dish towel from Carson so she could get started on the pile of pots and pans that had already accumulated in the sink before anyone had eaten a single bite. 

Of course she knew that. Better than anyone. Better than any of them could begin to understand. 

Instead, all Dani said was, “And we love him anyway. Because that’s what good siblings do. Especially during the holidays.” 

Carson rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Fine.”

Running the tap to fill up the sink, Dani flicked him with water, and he ducked away from the splash with a whine of complaint. 

“Judy!” called out Mike’s voice from the living room. “Can you bring out a towel and some soap! We’ve had a spill!” 

With a sigh, Judy held out her hand for the towel, which Dani was already passing over to her along with a spare bar of soap from the windowsill over the sink. “Thanks, honey. Carson, can you take out the pie for me, please?”

Carson saluted sharply and moved towards the oven. “I’m on it, boss.” 

In a bustle, Judy went out into the living room, leaving Dani and Carson alone in the kitchen. From the open door, Dani could hear her say, “Already, Tommy? I told you to be careful.”

“Sorry, mom. Here. I can do it.”

“It was David’s fault, actually.”

“Hey, Ed? Buddy? You want to test the ‘no fight’ rule of Christmas?”

“Boys, please.” 

Dani hid a grin. She twisted off the tap and scrounged around in the cupboard beneath the sink for a pair of pink gloves to start the washing up. Beside her, Carson grabbed an oven mitt and a spare towel, and pulled out a pie, resting it atop the stove and switching off the remaining dials. 

“Smells great,” Dani said idly as she reached for a scrubbing brush and soap. “You two must’ve been working all afternoon.”

“It was mostly mom, to be honest. Though I was charged with some last minute grocery shopping. The store was a nightmare.”

Dani gave him a sympathetic grimace. With a smile, Carson set down the oven mitt and moved around her so that she could hand off a pan to him for drying. 

“Feel like we should leave this for Eddie and the twins to clean up,” said Carson. “Seems only fair.”

Dani shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

“Yeah, but that’s because you’re too nice.” He nudged her shoulder with his own. “Don’t you ever get tired of it?”

“What? Of being nice? No.”

“No?” 

She pushed another clean saucepan, still dripping with suds, into his hands and repeated, “No.” 

“Your loss,” he sighed dramatically. 

They fell into a companionable silence. From the other room they could still hear the goings on of the rest of the family. Dani listened fondly, while beside her Carson began humming a familiar tune under his breath. They worked in tandem, but as Dani placed the song — one of the many she’d heard at his concert in Des Moines — her movements slowed. His humming was but an echo of that night. Of bright neon lights, and a sweat-crowded underground bar, and thrumming noise vibrating the very floor beneath her feet. 

“You know I -” Dani started to say, then stopped, not knowing exactly how to continue. “I went looking for you that night. After the performance, I mean.” 

“Hmm?” Carson said, idle and wordless, setting aside one pan and reaching for a clean pot that Dani had just finished washing. 

The water was murky and soap-riddled in the sink. A few knives were barely visible at the bottom, and there was still more than one pan handle cresting up through the surface like a sunken bowsprit. Eyes glued to the water, Dani set down the scrubber and steadied herself, hands braced against the edge of the sink.

“I found you. I saw you with your - your friend,” she said softly, slowly, picking up pace when he stiffened at her side, realising the implication of her words. “And I know it’s not my business, but I just - I wanted to tell you -”

She glanced up at him. Carson was frozen and wide-eyed, his hands gripping the damp drying towel as though it were a life line, the only thing keeping him tethered. Dani slipped her hands free of the gloves and reached out to grasp his wrist with fingers that were clammy yet gentle. 

“I think you’re wonderful,” Dani breathed, her voice low and her gaze far more steady than her heart beat. She could feel Carson’s leaping like a skittish animal’s beneath her thumb. “And I wish I were half as brave.” 

He blinked at her, his brow furrowing slightly, and Dani felt her throat close up around her tongue. She could tell him. It could be their little secret. Something they shared, a flame shielded from the wind by two cupped hands, flickering red-hot against their palms. She could tell him that he wasn’t alone, that she understood, that he didn’t need to hide from her. She could tell him, but the words were strangled at the root, piling up against the roof of her mouth. She could tell him, but he would always be Eddie’s brother before he was hers. 

Footsteps behind them. Someone entering the kitchen. Dani snatched her hand away as though scalded, and both she and Carson stepped back from one another. Putting the pink gloves back on to finish the dishes, Dani cast a furtive look over her shoulder.

Karen had paused in the doorway, gripping the neck of the wine bottle in one hand. "I hope I'm not interrupting something," she said with a pointed flicker of her eyes between Dani and Carson. 

The idea was so ridiculous — her and Carson — that Dani couldn't help but laugh. That her mother cared to know her so little she could even think they were anything but friends. It was laughable. And so Dani laughed. Beside her, Carson’s expression was pinched, as though it took everything in his power to not join in. 

"Is something funny?" Karen asked coolly.

Stifling a giggle behind her teeth, Dani shook her head. "No," she managed. Then she cleared her throat and continued more seriously, "No. Nothing at all. What can I get for you, mom?"

“Well, unless the wine glasses and corkscrew have taken up a new residence, I can get what I need myself.”

Dani handed off one of the last knives to Carson for drying and frowned at where her mother had crossed the kitchen to open one of the drawers. "At least wait for dinner," Dani said, and tensed as though for an incoming blow when her mother sent her a warning glare.

"Not tonight, Danielle," Karen said. "You know how hard Christmas is for me."

Except it wasn't just Christmas. And it wasn't just tonight. It was every night and all the nights that had come before.

Mouth pursed, shoulders tense, Dani stripped off the gloves. Carson must have noticed the hard expression on her face, for he said suddenly, “Hey, Dani, can you go tell everyone that dinner’s ready and that they’ll need to come serve themselves? We’re doing it more buffet style this year, since there are so many of us.” 

Exasperated, Dani nodded. Carson nudged her lightly with his elbow and gave her a smile.

“Thanks,” Dani said under her breath. 

“Yeah, you too,” he murmured. Then, straightening, he said, “Mrs. Clayton, do you mind pouring me a glass as well?”

Karen reached for two glasses instead of just one, and Dani was able to slip from the kitchen without further incident. 

The hallway provided a brief reprieve, caught in between the living room where Christmas music played and the family chattered, the tree glowing with lights fading from one color to another and reflecting off hanging tinsel, and the kitchen where she could still feel the presence of her mother, a shadow at her back. Leaning against the wall beside the kitchen entrance, lingering there for a moment, she went stiff when her mother passed her by to retreat back into the living room. Expelling a slow breath, she startled slightly when the doorbell rang, and felt her shoulders slump with relief. 

“I’ll get it,” Dani called out, and made for the door, pulling it open and smiling at the sight of Jamie and Mikey wearing identical grins with curly hair dusted in a cluster of snow. “You’re late.”

“It was Jamie’s fault,” Mikey said, “She forgot to dig out the truck from the snow.”

Jamie rolled her eyes and gently shoved Mikey inside. “You’re one to talk,” she said, shutting the door behind her with her boot, arms laden with presents, “You’re the one who took bloody forever to wrap the rest of those presents.”

“Because you kept complaining it wasn’t neat enough,” Mikey countered with a scowl. 

“Are you two going to bicker all night, or are you going to give me your coats?” Dani asked, biting back a laugh when Mikey gave her a sheepish grin and Jamie snorted, setting aside the presents on a nearby side table. 

Dani waited patiently as they slipped off their boots to rest against the towel already damp from snow, but as they began to pull off their coats, Jamie wacked Mikey on the arm. “Oi, you forgetting something?”

“Oh,” Mikey said sheepishly, handing Dani his coat and scarf with a small grin, “Merry Christmas, Dani.”

“Merry Christmas, Mikey,” Dani said, chuckling, “Don’t worry. You can tell me again tomorrow morning. You two are coming, right?”

Jamie shrugged, handing over her own baggy coat and old scarf. “‘Course. Wouldn’t miss it,” she said, and jerked her chin towards Mikey with a smirk, “Think this one would have my head if we did.”

But Dani wasn’t particularly listening, her eyes flickering across Jamie’s outfit of black slacks, a slim fitting black button up, and brown suspenders. The top button of her shirt was open, exposing an expanse of pale skin and the long silver link chain that disappeared in the collar of her shirt. Dark-haired and gray-eyed, she looked unfairly attractive. 

Swallowing thickly, feeling slightly unmoored, Dani gestured towards the outfit in question. “How very monochromatic of you.”

“Well, I do have a reputation to upkeep,” Jamie said, the corner of her mouth curling into an roguish grin, “The ugly jumpers are for tomorrow, remember?”

“Yeah,” Dani said, chuckling faintly, “I remember.”

Sufficiently breathless over the bright glint in Jamie’s eyes, Dani ducked away around the corner to hang the pair's coats in the closet and settle her heart rate. 

“Is that who I think it is?” Judy’s voice rang through the hallway. “There you two are! Come here! Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, Mrs. O’Mara,” Jamie replied. 

Dani grinned fondly, shoving aside thick winter coats in the closet to make room for Jamie’s and Mikey’s, overhearing the warm welcomes around the corner, easily picturing Judy crushing Jamie and Mikey into affectionate hugs. 

“Oh, finally, ” came Eddie’s voice next in a teasing tone, “Thought I was gonna have to rally the troops to start dinner without you.”

“Would’ve rung your neck if you did,” Jamie grumbled. 

“Now, you two,” Judy admonished, “You remember my house rules, don’t you?”

Dani returned just in time to find Jamie shrugging with an impish grin, hands tucked into her pockets, and Eddie rolling his eyes. Judy in question had her arm wrapped around Mikey’s shoulders, and huffed out a soft laugh. 

“You two haven’t changed a bit,” she said, and lightly jostled Mikey’s shoulders, “Come on, handsome. Let’s leave these silly goons to sort themselves out and go greet the others, huh?”

“Okay,” Mikey said quietly, wearing a shy pleased smile, cheeks dusted pink under the attention, letting himself be guided towards the living room where Dani could hear Tommy and David’s kids exclaim excitedly over Mikey’s appearance. 

“Look at that, Ed. She called him handsome,” Jamie said with a smirk and some measure of pride, “Don’t recall her ever calling you handsome growing up.”

Eddie glowered, but Dani could see it lacked any real heat behind it. “Don’t recall her calling you pretty either.”

”That’s ‘cause I was the one she was calling handsome instead.”

When Eddie’s expression twisted in mild bewilderment, Dani breathed out a soft laugh and approached the pair. At her appearance, they both turned and grinned broadly at her. Dani blinked, feeling her breath catch in her chest lightly under the attention, her eyes darting between them. She quickly smothered the feeling, pulling her mouth into a small smile. 

“You’re just gonna let her talk to me like that?” Eddie said, pointing reproachfully at Jamie.

Dani chuckled and folded her arms. “I refuse to get into the middle of one of these again.”

“Never gonna take a side, huh?” Eddie said, a teasing glint in his eyes, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her in close, “I see how it is.”

“That’s ‘cause I’m secretly her favorite,” Jamie said, smirking. 

Eddie narrowed his eyes at her. “Okay, I’m going to let that pass once , since you helped us.”

Dani’s brows knitted together. “Helped with what?”

“Jamie helped us get the venue at the gardens,” Eddie said in triumph. “Turns out there was a long waiting list for a fall wedding, but Jamie managed to convince them to get us a slot.”

Dani went still. Feeling her stomach coil uncomfortably and her shoulders going stiff, Dani looked to Jamie and said, “You did?”

“Sure did,” Jamie said, her smirk outright devilish, “Hard to say no to this prat when he came crawling on his hands and knees, begging me to get you lot a spot.”

“That’s - I didn’t do that,” he said to Dani, “I just think she secretly likes me.”

“You and I both know I didn’t do it for you,” Jamie said with a wink in Dani’s direction. 

Not knowing what else to say or do, feeling a swell of unease building between her ribs, Dani chuckled weakly and ducked her head. 

Eddie laughed softly. “That’s fair,” he said, his hand rubbing her shoulder, “Gonna have to get you a gift basket as thanks.”

Snorting derisively, Jamie said, “I’ll settle for an open bar tab at the reception, thank you very much. But for now, you can start with taking those presents under the tree for me.” 

Jamie gestured with an impish grin towards the small stack of presents that still sat on the side table beside them. Rolling his eyes and sighing exasperatedly, Eddie nodded and did as he was told, leaving them in the foyer with one last kiss to Dani’s head and a pointed look towards Jamie. Sending him off with a cheeky salute, Jamie turned back to Dani, her expression softening. 

“All right, Poppins?”

“Yeah. Of course,” Dani said, blinking, “Why?”

Jamie shrugged, sinking her hands back in her pockets. “Had that look about you, I suppose,” she said, watching her carefully, “The gardens are what you wanted, yeah? If it isn’t, I’m perfectly happy and willing to go ring his neck.”

“No - it’s fine. It’s perfect,” Dani said, taking a small step closer, “The gardens are perfect.”

Arching an eyebrow, Jamie slowly said, “But?”

Shaking her head lightly, willing away the tight cincture in her chest, Dani said, “No buts. I couldn’t have pictured a more perfect place, to be honest.”

It wasn’t a lie for the most part. In another life, the botanical gardens blooming under the care of Jamie’s hands would have been more than she could have hoped for. In another universe, she would have been happy, she would have been relieved. Autumnal blooms and golden trees and a hand in her own that was smaller but no less calloused. But this was here and now, and Jamie’s discerning eyes were flickering over her quietly, studying Dani as though she could see right through her, and just as Dani felt her pulse quicken, Jamie’s expression softened. 

“All right then,” Jamie said, “S’long as you're happy.”

Feeling her breath catch in her chest, her hands twitching to wrap around Jamie’s, one of the twins called out, “Danielle! Are you just gonna hog her yourself all night?”

Chuckling lightly, wrapping her arms loosely around her stomach, Dani felt her cheeks warm. Rolling her eyes, the corner of Jamie’s mouth curled into a smile and nudged her towards the living room. “Fair bit of warning, the kid has something for you,” Jamie murmured. 

“Oh?”

“Mhmm. Wants to give it to you tonight instead of tomorrow,” Jamie said, “Been a wee bit shy about it.”

“You two didn’t have to get me anything.”

“He insisted.” Jamie shrugged. “Kid’s a bit mad about the holidays, you saw what he was like on Sunday.”

Dani would be hard pressed to forget. Arriving at the Taylor household that afternoon with hot chocolate and pastries in hand to a house strewn about in wrapping paper and decorations and a bare Christmas tree tucked into the corner waiting to be accessorized. The day had been spent helping the pair decorate the tree and living room with Christmas music to keep them company at Mikey’s insistence. And afterwards they had settled on the couch to watch White Christmas as the blinking tree lights illuminated the room while Dani desperately tried not to drown in the nostalgia with Jamie pressed beside her. By the end, Jamie and Mikey had ended up chasing each other around the house with wrapping paper rolls after a well aimed thwack to Jamie’s head while Dani watched with exasperated fondness while waiting for the tea kettle’s whistle. 

“I saw you, too,” Dani said with a teasing smirk, “I see you still have White Christmas memorized.”

Jamie shrugged, not meeting her eyes. “Dunno what you mean.”

“I also happened to see that you and Mikey seem to be matching tonight,” Dani said, taking a peak in the living room where indeed Mikey was also wearing dark slacks, a button up shirt, and suspenders. The only minor difference happened to be that his shirt was dark green and he was wearing a black bow tie that he was currently anxiously pulling at as he sat on the couch between Judy and Mike. Turning back to Jamie, she grinned. “Cute.”

Huffing out a soft laugh, Jamie shook her head. “Wasn’t my idea. He liked my suspenders and wanted one of his own,” she said, “Put my foot down on the bow tie though. Never would’ve heard the end of it.”

Letting her eyes stray briefly to the brown leather strung over Jamie’s shoulders and pressing into her torso, Dani swallowed thickly and said, “It’s sweet that you indulge him like that. With the outfits and just - all of Sunday.”

“Makes him happy," said Jamie simply.

Before Dani could say anything more, faintly aware that she was looking at Jamie with an expression that was too soft, too fond, there was another yell. 

“Hey! Don’t make us come over there!”

Twisting around to frown at the source of the sound, she was greeted with the twins looking at her and holding up their hands in an impatient ‘come on’ gesture. 

“Okay, why are you two baffoons yelling and why has no one come to get food yet?” Carson said, appearing from the kitchen with a towel slung over his shoulder and a look of exasperation that resembled Judy’s so much that Dani snickered.

At the sound, he turned towards the pair still lingering in the foyer and sighed, shaking his head. “I see what happened now.”

Jamie laughed and let Carson engulf her in a hug. “Not my fault I’m so irresistible,” Jamie said, shooting Dani another wink over Carson’s shoulder. Feeling her cheeks warm, Dani chuckled weakly as Jamie reached up to ruin Carson’s styled hair, but he was quick on his feet and batted her hand away. 

“Think your head is getting way too big to pull out your ass,” he grumbled, playfully shoving her away, and then addressed the living room, “Dinner’s ready!”

They were promptly surrounded by O’Mara’s, finally greeting Jamie with hugs and handshakes. Dani watched with a faint smile, her arms still loosely wrapped around her torso, on the cusp of too enamored. Something nudged her arm and she startled slightly, turning to find Carson grinning at her. 

“Some help you were,” he teased. 

Her heart in her throat, she fumbled for a response but Carson was already stepping away, helping Judy herd the family into the kitchen to get food. Dani lingered near the back, waiting until the kitchen cleared enough for her turn, letting Eddie sweep a hand over her back as he slipped by in a bid to beat his brothers on getting the best pieces of turkey and ham, and shared a commiserating smile and eye roll with Jamie at the bickering and laughter within the kitchen. 

At the dining table, by some miraculous chance, Dani managed to find a seat directly across from Jamie and Mikey, sandwiched between Eddie and Carson. With Christmas music still playing from the stereo and everyone digging into their dinner after a short prayer of thanks led by Judy, she fell back into patterns she’d like to think she’d mastered over the past month and a half. To smile at the right time and comment with the appropriate reply whenever addressed. To laugh under her breath at Carson’s murmured commentary and jokes. To drink her wine and eat her dinner, and not let her eyes linger on Jamie across from her. Jamie with strands of unruly dark hair raked across her bright eyes, Jamie with her infectious laugh, Jamie with those suspenders. 

Partway through dinner, Dani came to the realization she was failing miserably when beside her Carson downed a whole glass of wine on one go on a dare by Tommy. 

“Where on earth did you learn to drink like that?” Judy asked, eyes wide, slightly aghast but unable to hide her own amusement. 

“God,” Carson replied with a broad grin when the table laughed.

And like a gravitational pull, Dani’s eyes immediately darted to Jamie’s to find her already looking back. Feeling her stomach twist not unpleasantly at the amused glint in Jamie’s eyes, they shared slow furtive smirks and a fond roll of their eyes. And just like that, Dani had to twist her hands around the napkin in her lap to ground herself. 

In between conversations and bites of food, it was getting harder to not let her eyes stray back, to not linger at Jamie’s comfortable, slouched posture. To not watch Jamie laugh again from some comment by Carson gone unheard by Dani, feeling as though she were underwater, feeling something constrict in her chest. Her teeth clenched, Dani promptly drained the rest of her wine. 

Beside her, Eddie leaned close and said, “Do you want another?” When she blinked up at him in confusion, he pointed and added, “A glass of wine.”

“Oh, yes. Please,” she said. Eddie smiled and stood to retrieve another bottle of wine from the kitchen. 

Across from her, Jamie was pouring more gravy over her plate, and said with a teasing grin, "Looking to let loose tonight for once?”

Dani laughed breathlessly, feeling her cheeks warm. “Don’t get too excited,” she said, “I don’t plan on having a hangover on Christmas morning.”

“Shame,” Jamie said, still grinning at her, and without warning, before Dani could look away, Jamie brought up a finger between her lips to lick at a stray bit of gravy. Sucking in a quiet breath, Dani swallowed thickly and fixed her eyes down to her plate, shoveling in another forkful of food. 

When Eddie returned to the dining room with two new bottles of wine in tow, a few seats down on the other side of the table, her mother perked up and said, “Oh, I’ll have another one of those too, if you don’t mind.”

Dani paused, carefully watching as Eddie smiled weakly and popped open a bottle, filling her mother’s glass until Karen was happy with the amount. When her mother waved him off with a murmured comment Dani couldn’t hear from this distance, Eddie muttered something back with another weak smile as Karen took a long swig from her glass. Knuckles white around her fork, Dani only managed to blink her gaze away from her mother when Eddie returned to her side, filling her glass before setting the bottles on the table and returning to his seat without a word, clearing his throat. 

It took her longer than she hoped, to let her shoulders and the grip on her fork relax, to reach for her glass and take a long sip. It was a dark peppery red that settled heavily on her tongue. The kind her mother favored. She rested her glass back atop the table, all the while feeling a stare piercing straight into her. Her eyes darting up, Jamie was watching her with a carefully neutral expression. Slowly, Jamie’s eyebrow arched with a faint look of concern and quiet question. Feeling something unspool in her chest, Dani gave her a slow reassuring smile. Staring at her for a moment longer, Jamie’s eyes darted across her face as though searching for something, and then finally she shrugged before returning to her food. 

Dinner seemed to pass quicker after that, leading to conversation over empty plates and letting the kids run around the table, dodging teasing hands with bright laughter. Dani’s hands fidgeted under the table, pulling at her fingers and scratching at a hangnail. In an effort to burn off her restless energy and feel useful, she stood and began gathering the nearest plates to take into the kitchen, but as she reached for Carson’s plate, he batted her hands away. He took the plates from her and set them back down on the table. 

“No. Nope. Not happening.” 

“What do you -?” Dani started to say but she didn’t get far.

“Tommy. David. Eddie,” Carson pointed at his brothers in turn as he called their names. “You’re up.”

The three of them blinked at him in bemusement.

“I mean it!” Carson snapped. “You’re really gonna make Dani and mom do dishes? Or Ash and Liz? Come on. Don’t be assholes.”

“Why does he get to swear in the house?” Eddie asked his mom, when there was no rebuke forthcoming for language.

“Because I like his message,” Judy replied dryly. 

With an arm stretched over the back of Mikey’s chair, Jamie snickered and held up her glass of wine. “Cheers,” she said, and took a long swig. 

“Why aren’t you making Jamie help, then?” David grumbled, already standing to gather the dishes. 

“With all those elbows being thrown around?” Jamie said, “I’d rather not have a black eye for Christmas, thanks.”

“Never took you as a coward.”

“You wanna go there, mate?” Jamie said with a sharp grin. “I have plenty of arsenal to make you regret it.”

With his mouth thinned and eyes narrowed, David thwacked Tommy on the arm to get him to stand. The pair of them grumbled under their breath to the sound of the table chuckling. Eddie quickly followed suit with a roll of his eyes when Carson gave him a pointed glare. Dani watched with a fond grin and when her eyes met Jamie’s again, they shared a snort of laughter. 

“Hey, Mikey,” Carson said, “Wanna come help me choose the next tape to play?”

Fiddling anxiously again at his bowtie now that dinner was over, Mikey’s eyes brightened at the offer and he was nodding, already pushing out his seat before Carson could stand. And just like that, the table began to disperse back around the house with happy chatter and glasses of alcohol in hand. 

Dani took the opportunity to dart into the downstairs bathroom and draw in a deep, relieved breath with the door finally shut behind her. Her reflection was waiting for her in the mirror, wan and frazzled. Scowling, Dani reached up to fix her hair, to try and make herself feel more grounded at least superficially. In the time it took her to do her business and return to the chaos, Mike had already brought out his camcorder for the night, and The Beach Boys’ Christmas Album was blaring on the stereo. Casting her eyes around the house, not seeing Mikey or Jamie anywhere, Dani exhaled a slow, fortifying breath, and waded out for small talk. 

She managed for the most part, discussing work with Ash and Liz and trying her best to remember the plot of the last book she read. Smiling shyly with a small wave whenever Mike panned his camcorder in her direction. Letting Eddie wrap an arm around her shoulders when the boys were done cleaning in the kitchen. Sharing furtive eye rolls with Carson across the room where he stood by the stereo when the three eldest O'Mara boys smiled proudly, as though cleaning was their idea in the first place. Letting her eyes snap towards Jamie when she finally entered the room, following her closely as she made a beeline towards Carson with two bottles of beer in hand.

Suddenly, Eddie’s arm around her felt like an anvil, sinking her into the carpet floor. She felt too exposed under Mike’s camera, and her mother lingering nearby on the couch, flushed and glassy-eyed and far too familiar. 

Swallowing thickly, Dani said to Eddie, “I’ll be right back.”

Mid-conversation with Tommy and his wife Liz, Eddie nodded absently and let her slip away quietly. Delving back into the kitchen, she drained her wine and rested the empty glass on the counter. For a long moment, she stared into the glass, seeing her warped reflection, and with a tight jaw, she pulled open the fridge to retrieve a bottle to refill her glass. 

Wandering back out into the hallway, she found herself leaning against the wall once more, mustering up the courage to delve back into the living room. Taking a slow sip of her wine, feeling her cheeks warm from the alcohol, she didn’t notice Mikey wandering up to her from down the hallway until he was leaning beside her, scowling down at his bow tie as he pulled and fiddled with it. 

She tilted her head to the side and asked gently, “Having trouble?”

His eyes briefly met hers and he shrugged, ducking his head again. “It keeps getting worse,” he grumbled.

Dani chuckled and nudged him in the arm. “Maybe because you keep messing with it.”

With a huff he rolled his eyes and tugged at the fabric again. “Mr. O’Mara showed us how to do it, but it’s not working.”

When he tugged on it again roughly and sagged heavily against the wall, Dani bit back a laugh. “Okay, come on,” she said, placing a hand on his shoulder and guiding him back down the hall, “We’re going to fix this.”

His shoulders slumped, Mikey didn’t complain as she led him towards the bathroom, flickering the lights on and grinning fondly at the lines of frustration and disappointment in his face through his reflection, an uncanny mirror image to Jamie. 

“Now, I’m more practised in regular ties and doing it backwards, but we’re gonna give it a shot, okay?”

At his quiet nod, Dani squeezed his shoulders and gestured for him to undo his bow tie as she rested her glass on the counter. With his back to her, she reached over his shoulder to adjust the length of the fabric, and asked, “Is this okay?”

He nodded again. She smiled and began to slowly show him the steps with his back to her. Just as he was in class when challenged beyond his level, Mikey was eager to learn, watching the steps through their reflection. It was a little uneven when she was done, but with some adjusting and pulling, she was pleased with it. Leaning closer to get a better look, Mikey grinned broadly at their reflections. 

“Thanks, Dani,” he said.

“You’re welcome,” she said, “Now it’s your turn.”

With a heavy sigh, Mikey acquiesced and undid his bow tie. She took it slow, murmuring encouragements in between her instructions as Mikey’s brow furrowed in concentration while following her directions. Just as they were mid-way through, Dani’s voice faltered when through the mirror, a familiar figure appeared and leaned against the open door frame. 

“Was wondering where you two went,” Jamie said. 

“Mikey was having trouble with his bow tie,” Dani explained. 

“I see that.” Jamie smirked at Mikey. “My services weren’t good enough for you, huh?”

Through his faint blush, Mikey scowled. “Not my fault your memory sucks.”

Jamie snorted. “Yet, you’re the one who thought I was cool enough to want to copy and match.”

If anything, Mikey’s cheeks went redder and he crossed his arms, his shoulders bunching. Dani gave Jamie a reproachful look through the mirror, and in response Jamie rolled her eyes with a good natured grin. 

“All right, all right,” Jamie said, flapping her hand towards them. “Carry on. I’m not even here.”

Shaking her head, Dani coaxed Mikey out from his hunched form to return to his bowtie, and in no time he was tugging it in place, squared up and neat. 

“There you go,” Dani said, patting his shoulder with a proud smile, “Now you look especially handsome.”

Ducking his head, Mikey murmured, “Thanks, Dani.” And then after a long moment, briefly darting his eyes between Dani and Jamie through the mirror, he said, “Can I go now?”

Huffing out a soft breath, Dani nodded. “Yes. Go on, I’m sure Mrs. O’Mara has snacks hidden for you somewhere.”

His eyes brightening, Mikey grinned and made to exit the bathroom, but was pulled to a stop by Jamie slinging an arm around his neck and pulling him close with a smile. “Aw, mate. She called you handsome.”

“Ugh, get off me,” Mikey grumbled, but made no real effort to pull out of her grasp. 

Laughing, Jamie lightly ruffled his hair, and said, “How about we do what we had planned first, and then you can go?”

Mikey’s look was dubious. “Now? Here?”

Jamie shrugged. “Why not? No one’s here to see. That was the point, remember?”

Hesitating briefly, his brow knitting where he remained pressed against Jamie’s side, he finally nodded. Dani watched with a patient, soft smile as Jamie let him go and pulled something unseen out of her pocket, hidden behind Mikey’s thin frame. Covertly passing the object in hand to Mikey, Jamie shot Dani a quick wink over his head with a crooked grin. 

Mikey’s cheeks were pink as he turned and held out a small navy box towards Dani, small enough to fit in the palm of his hand. “Merry Christmas, Dani,” he murmured.

“Thank you, honey,” Dani said, charmed, taking the box. When she opened it, she smiled broadly to find that inside, nestled in foam padding was a Star Trek insignia silver pendant attached to a simple chain necklace. “Oh, it’s perfect,” she breathed. 

“I have one too,” Mikey said, visibly pleased over her reaction, “Mine’s a pin, but I left it at home.”

“You should’ve worn it,” Dani said, “Then we’d be matching.”

Mikey’s smile brightened, and he eagerly said, “I’ll wear it tomorrow.” 

“You better,” Dani said, pulling the necklace from it’s box, “We’re going to have to one-up Jamie somehow.”

Laughing, Mikey nodded and turned to Jamie, “Now can I go?”

It took Jamie a moment to answer, leaning against the doorframe with her hands in her pockets, expression soft as she watched them. She grinned and nodded, jerking her head towards the hallway. “Yeah, all right. Out of my sight.”

When Mikey disappeared down the hallway after one last pleased grin, Dani held up the necklace pinched between her fingers and said, “Help me?”

Without a word Jamie pushed herself upright and stepped closer. Heart a sudden claxon in her chest, Dani handed her the necklace and turned on the spot, pulling her hair to the side. Through the mirror, she watched as Jamie reached around and placed the chain around her neck, sucking in a quiet breath at the feeling of Jamie’s warm fingers grazing against her skin as she clasped the lock with an expression that was hard to read. An involuntary shiver traveled down Dani’s spine, her jaw aching from how hard she clenched her teeth. 

“There you are,” Jamie murmured, and stepped away, digging her hands back in her pockets. 

“Thank you,” Dani murmured, adjusting her hair back over her shoulders and setting the pendant straight so that it hung right over the dip of her clavicle. 

“No problem,” Jamie said, nodding towards her with her chin, “Won’t believe how popular their merch is. It’s bloody everywhere. Apparently some Captain Clark bloke is from Iowa.”

“Captain Kirk,” Dani corrected and laughed when Jamie shrugged dismissively. 

Then Jamie grinned and said, “Fancy keeping me company outside for a smoke? Came to find you to ask.”

“Yeah,” Dani said, nodding, “I’d love to.”

It was not until Jamie sneaked over their coats to the backdoor did Dani realize what she had agreed to. Carson was nowhere in sight to accompany them like she had expected, to act as a buffer to the nerves straining beneath Dani’s skin. But his boots were already set on a nearby mat, and Jamie was shoving them over towards her after handing Dani her coat.

“His boots are too big, I can’t - “ 

“Don’t think I didn’t see those heels of yours by the front door,” Jamie said, shrugging into her coat with an exasperated grin, “Honestly. You know how to color match, but you still haven’t learned your lesson on weather appropriate clothing?” A slow grin grew on Dani’s face. Seeing this, Jamie’s eyes narrowed. “What?”

“Raising a preteen really rubbed off on you, huh?”

Jamie stared at her for a moment, and then scowled, her cheeks pink. Dani snickered. “Just put the bloody boots on,” Jamie grumbled, and pulled open the back door, letting in a waft of freezing air.

Huffing at the cold air against her legs, she gave Jamie a mild glare who smirked in response. Without any more preamble, Dani shoved her feet in Carson’s oversized boots and slipped on her jacket and scarf before following Jamie outside on the porch. The temperature seemed to have dropped over the course of the night, the air still but bitingly cold. Dani shivered, wrapping her coat closer around herself as she followed Jamie to the railing, but instead of lingering in the overwashed porch light, Jamie grasped her hand and carefully guided her down the icy porch steps. 

“Where are we going?” Dani asked, the boots clunky and loose on her feet, but blissfully warm against the solid foot of snow as they trudged through the untouched expanse of white.

“Over here,” Jamie said, her breath a white mist, leading her towards the old shed near the back of the yard with furtive glances behind them to the backdoor, “Promised the kid I’d quit smoking for the New Year. He’s been on my ass about it. I’m going to have to milk the next few days for all they're worth.”

Dani snorted. “Quitting cold turkey, are you?”

“Is there any other way?”

“Gradually? Like a normal person?”

Pulling them around the corner of the shed, hidden away from view of the house where they could still hear the stereo blasting Christmas tunes at an unreasonable volume level through a crack of a window, Jamie leaned against the shed and grinned. 

“You know me,” Jamie said, releasing Dani’s hand to pull out a rumpled pack of cigarettes from her pocket, “I’m an all or nothing kinda woman.”

Dani snorted, wrapping her arms around herself to ward off the cold. “You’re in a good mood tonight.”

“Good food and free booze, what’s not to love,” Jamie said with a shrug. 

“You mean besides hiding behind a shed in case Mikey sees you smoking?”

Rolling her eyes, Jamie didn’t deign to respond. She plucked out a cigarette and placed it between her lips, flicking a flame to life with a plastic lighter. Dani watched, entranced at the glow of orange illuminating her skin in the dark shadows encompassing them. Jamie’s eyes glinting in the light of flame and embers, cheeks sinking inward until she lifted the cigarette away to blow a thin stream of smoke above them with pursed lips. Dani’s heart was still pounding from the bathroom, crashing steadily against her ribs, the burn of Jamie’s hands lingering against the skin of her neck like an ink blot. She darted her eyes away in an effort to not look at Jamie’s lips when she took another drag. 

“You know,” Dani started slowly, “I still have your old lighter.” At Jamie’s questioning frown, she added, “The Zippo.” 

Jamie blinked at her for a moment, and huffed out a breath of laughter. “Figured you would’ve pawned that.” Jamie said with a shrug, taking another drag, the embers burning bright. 

Dani frowned. “Why would I do that?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” 

“Because I missed you.”

Jamie stared at her, the air between them abruptly thick. Her stomach whorling uncomfortably, Dani cleared her throat and ducked her head, but then Jamie laughed softly. 

“Missed you too, Poppins,” Jamie murmured. When Dani dared to look up again, Jamie's expression was fond as she smiled at her. “Don’t think I told you that before, when you first said so.”

Easily, Dani could recall that day in the alley beside the pharmacy, when things had still felt so fragile between them like a house of cards stacked in her palms. And then the Sunday after that, and the Sunday after that. Smiling faintly, Dani murmured, “You didn’t have to.”

“Well, now you know at least,” Jamie said, taking another pull at the cigarette, and nodded towards Dani with her chin. “Don’t think I mentioned before either,” she continued through a plume of smoke she directed away from Dani, motioning her hands towards her, “Your outfit. Looks nice tonight.”

Dani’s cheeks warmed and she bit back a broad smile. “Thank you,” she said, and stumbled for a reply. “You - um. You look nice too.”

“Thanks.” Jamie slouched against the shed, her smile veering into a smirk as though she already knew this for a fact. “It’s the suspenders, yeah?”

“Um - “ Dani fumbled. “I suppose.”

“Gonna have to wear it more often, then.”

Dani nodded in lieu of a verbal reply, not trusting whatever she might say, praying that the shed shrouded them in enough darkness from porch light to not display the heat spreading across her cheeks. 

At that moment, the music from the house blared louder than before, Wham!’s Last Christmas booming through the open window. They both listened with amusement as complaints immediately followed.

“Carson, turn it down!” bellowed Eddie just as David complained, “I can’t hear myself think!”

“With what brain?” Carson rebuked. 

“Do you want us to break mom’s rule, because we will!”

“Suck it up!”

Dani met Jamie’s eyes and they both snickered with laughter. The volume in the end did not turn down, forgotten in the midst of continued bickering. Grinning broadly, Jamie lifted the cigarette to her mouth and Dani’s eyes drifted down to watch. When she expelled the smoke to the side, Dani held out her hand. 

Huffing lightly with a small shake of her head, Jamie gamely handed Dani the cigarette. “Y’know,” Jamie said as Dani eyed the red stained filter for a moment and took a slow, careful drag, “Could always just have one of your own.”

Coughing lightly, Dani blew out a plume of smoke. “Then that would make me a smoker.”

Jamie rolled her eyes, but when Dani made to hand it back, she shook her head. “Keep it,” she said, “Might be the last you ever have once I quit.”

“Feeling confident, huh?”

“When there’s a promise on the line, sure.”

Smiling warmly, Dani flicked off the ash into the snow, running a thumb over the filter. A thrill ran through her, a shiver coursing down her spine so that she huddled further into herself, feeling the cold bite at her ears and nose and exposed legs.

Chuckling lightly, Jamie said, “Christ, look at the state of you.” She pushed off the shed and held out a hand. “C’mere.”

Dani froze. “What?”

“Put that out and come here,” Jamie said, “You’re freezing.”

“I’m fine.”

Jamie gave her a long dubious look. Clenching her jaw, Dani shifted her weight anxiously on her feet. “Are you sure?”

“Dani.”

“Okay,” Dani said, taking another long, fortifying pull of the cigarette before flicking it in the snow, expelling the smoke through her nose. 

Her stomach coiling with nerves, Dani took Jamie’s proffered hand and let herself be pulled closer until they were pressed together in a hug. “That’s better,” Jamie murmured, running her hand up and down Dani’s back, “Warm yourself up.”

Slowly wrapping her arms around Jamie’s waist as though any sudden movement might break the spell, Dani nodded, her heart feeling as though it threatened to burst through her sternum. It was no different than any of their hugs, no different than the long lingering embraces at Jamie’s front door. But the wine had her skin straining and her head buzzing, and worse, she was surrounded by the scent of sandalwood and smoke. Her breath a plume of white in a soft sigh, Dani’s eyes slowly slipped shut and she burrowed further in Jamie’s warmth, pressing her nose into her worn scarf and inadvertently grazed the skin of Jamie’s neck. 

Jamie’s arms stilled, her breath catching lightly. “Cold,” she murmured.

A thrill going down her spine at the heat of Jamie’s skin against her nose, Dani said, “Sorry.”

Jamie didn’t reply, unmoving as she held Dani. Frowning lightly, Dani opened her mouth to say something, to say anything, when a familiar jazzy tune drifted from the house. 

Huffing a soft laugh, Jamie murmured, “Figures.”

And before Dani could react, Jamie was rearranging their arms. Dani’s breath caught quietly as Jamie rested one of Dani’s hands on her shoulder and took the other to clasp their palms, and then slowly, as though waiting for Dani to stop her, to push her away, she slipped her hand around Dani’s waist. And with Ella Fitzergerald’s rendition of White Christmas accompanying them, Jamie began to sway with her on the spot. 

“There we go,” Jamie murmured, their temples pressed together, her breath a hot wisp against Dani’s ear and neck. 

Swallowing thickly, her heart threatening to burst through her chest, there was a feeling washing over Dani like a haze, as though the world had narrowed down to just them, in this dark corner in the snow with only the distant porch light and the moon to illuminate them. She pressed her eyes closed and drew in a soft breath, the air bitingly cold as she inhaled, feeling dizzy and enchanted all at once. 

“This is nice,” Dani murmured, broaching the long quiet as they swayed. 

Jamie hummed softly. “Yeah,” she said. “Was thinking. You could come over again before the New Years. Could watch White Christmas again and pretend we’ve never seen it before. Give Mikey a taste of his own medicine.”

Dani chuckled, and bit her lip at the near imperceptible feeling of Jamie pulling her closer by the waist. “I’d love to,” Dani said.

And before she knew what she was doing, Dani was pressing closer. Wrapping her hand further around Jamie’s shoulders, fingers tangling in strands of curly hair, grazing the back of Jamie’s neck. Ducking her head to bury into the crook of Jamie’s shoulder, nose and mouth pressed against the skin of her throat, making a small sound of contentment. 

Jamie sucked in a sharp breath, their swaying faltering for half a heartbeat, and she audibly swallowed hard. Dani’s eyes slowly drifted open, lost in the darkness of the crook of Jamie's neck, straining her ears, feeling Jamie’s hand on her waist dig into the fabric of her coat. They were swaying again, but with Jamie’s pulse a sudden rapid flutter beneath Dani’s nose and lips, she felt as though she was veering over a vast precipice, her stomach dropping at the sensation. Trying to remember how to breathe, Dani slowly lifted her head, smoothing her hand over Jamie’s rigid shoulders and back, gripping Jamie’s hand tight.

Dani opened her mouth to speak, to broach the lingering silence, but the air was still around them, particles of snow drifting so slowly they might as well be fixed motionless where they hovered, and with one word spoken, one wrong movement, the spell between them would be broken. The world moving again, expanding beyond the single point where they clung to each other, pushing them apart. 

Exhaling a soft trembling breath, Dani gradually pulled further back until she could finally see Jamie’s face. Gray eyes dark and stormy, expression carefully blank, Jamie met her gaze and the corner of her mouth lifted into a faint, barely there curve. Dani lingered on it, on the scar there painted red and outlined in faint light. It would be so easy to push back in, and press her lips there. To taste Jamie’s mouth of wine and cigarettes, and feel that scar beneath her own mouth and tongue. Dani bit her own lip and watched Jamie’s jaw go taut, the muscle leaping beneath her skin. 

Her eyes darted up and met Jamie’s, darker than before, unblinking as they were piercing, and then Dani sucked in a quiet breath when gray eyes slowly traced down over Dani to where they were pressed together before traveling back up, lingering on Dani’s mouth for a long moment before catching Dani’s gaze again.

Dani swallowed hard, her breath caught in her throat, not daring to believe, not daring to hope. A flash of something unreadable crossed over Jamie’s expression like a red flare in the dark, the scratch of a matchstick, a flicker in the strained lines of her face. And in a moment it was gone, in its wake something unreachable and blank. 

She couldn’t have been imagining it. The same heat that flared between her ribs and thighs reflected back at her through Jamie’s eyes. The same adoration she’d come to know like the back of her hand since they were children. 

The song was ending, transitioning easily to some other tune Dani couldn’t be bothered to name, when it was abruptly cut off to the immediate sound of muffled complaints and bickering. The silence that followed between them was suddenly and unbearably thick. 

“Jamie - “

“We should head inside,” Jamie murmured, “They’ll be wondering where we are.”

They still stood so close that Dani could see the shadow of her eyelashes and the flecks in her eyes. The music returned to a chorus of cheers, the volume at a more reasonable level. Slowly, Dani braved another smile and eased closer, knocking their foreheads together. “One more song?”

Stiffening for a moment, Jamie huffed and said. “You’ll be the death of yourself. Your hand is freezing.”

“I can handle it,” Dani said, keeping the ‘with you,’ locked away behind her teeth. 

Jamie seemed to have heard it anyway, for she sighed slowly and muttered, “What am I gonna do with you?”

“Dance with me?”

Choking out a thin laugh, Jamie pulled away. “Not when you’re bloody shaking like a leaf,” she said, “C’mon. Back inside with you.”

Disappointment gripping at her chest, Dani felt her face fall as Jamie took a full step back that seemed to feel like a vast canyon for how close they were pressed together before. Dani missed the warmth of her arms immediately, but then Jamie was arching an eyebrow at her. 

“Unless you want Judy to come bursting out here wondering what we’re doing,” she said, a teasing curve tucked into the corner of her grin. “Or worse: Ed.”

Stones sunk in the pit of Dani’s stomach, and suddenly reality pressed on her eardrums like a rush of wind. “Right,” Dani choked out, smiling weakly. 

She followed Jamie back inside, breathing in relief in the warmth of the house, shedding her jacket and Carson’s boots. Beside her, Jamie exhaled softly and handed over her jacket when Dani held her hand out, a sharp line to her jaw, not meeting Dani’s eyes. 

“Just gonna head to the loo,” she muttered. She glanced towards Dani, who nodded, mildly bewildered at the sudden change in disposition. Jamie jerked her head in a short nod and spun on her heel out the kitchen.

A furrow to her brow, Dani followed a few paces behind through the hallway, the front door closet in the same direction, but when she turned the corner, she bumped directly into a broad frame. 

“Oh -!” 

She almost teetered off balance, but hands immediately grasped her waist to steady her and she looked up to find Eddie grinning broadly at her, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Suddenly behind her there was a cacophonous noise of cheering and laughter. Twisting around, her eyes went wide in surprise to find Mike’s camcorder pointed in their direction and half of the family watching them with enthusiasm from the living room.

“I cannot believe that worked,” said Tommy, laughing as he spoke. 

“Huh?” Dani said dumbly.

“Look up, honey,” Judy said, holding up a point-and-shoot camera at the ready, her eyes bright with fond amusement. Beside her, Carson chuckled, but couldn’t hide his wince of sympathy.

Dread pooling in her stomach, Dani slowly looked up as though awaiting some hungry creature to jump out from the shadows and bite her, but instead she found a mistletoe dangling from the light fixture above her. 

“Oh,” Dani said, a small anxious laugh bursting out of her. 

And before she could stop herself, she slowly turned and immediately met Jamie’s eyes, watching her with an eerily neutral expression, frozen as though mid step. Rooted to the floor, her heart crashing against her ribs, Dani watched with bated breath as Jamie blinked, and then without a word, disappeared around the corner. 

Her throat feeling thick, her stomach churning, Dani turned back to meet Eddie’s grin with a weak one of her own. His hands affectionately squeezed her waist lightly, and all it once it felt utterly wrong. But there was goading and teasing coming from the living room, muffled as though Dani’s ears needed to be popped. With another awkward chuckle, feeling something crushing her chest, her throat thick, she stood on her toes and kissed Eddie’s bashful smile. She ignored the good-natured wolf whistles and cheering and the audible click and flash of a camera. 

“I want a copy of that,” Dani heard her mother say in a happy slur when she pulled back, ducking her head away to hide the guilt and indignation gnawing at her, hoping it’d come across as demure. Eddie laughed and hugged her. 

It felt increasingly harder to breathe, afterwards. Clutching at a fresh glass of wine after downing her last in one go after finally escaping the clamor to return hers and Jamie’s jackets in the closet. Struggling to push down the thought of how much she had wanted to bury her nose back into Jamie’s jacket, just to breathe her in one last time. Struggling to not grit her teeth at the Christmas music that was beginning to grate on her ears. Struggling to not let her eyes wander when Jamie finally returned to the festivities, her shirt sleeves folded up neatly, exposing the lean lines of her forearms. 

She had almost expected the world to settle back on its axis, since returning from outside. With the way Jamie didn’t approach her again throughout the rest of the night, with every corner Dani turned, Jamie would be five steps ahead as though she was just as unwilling as Dani to broach whatever had happened outside. Even still, Dani felt eyes on her. And as though sucked in by a gravity well, Dani kept glancing back, meeting gray eyes that seemed warm and dark in equal measure. And every time their eyes would meet, Jamie would hold her stare until Dani felt rooted to the spot, her feet melding to the floor like just another fixture. 

Dani was leaning against the wall, nursing her broad-bowled glass while in the middle of a group conversation with a small cluster of the family when it happened again. The dark form of Jamie slipping by to hover near Carson by the stereo, leaning against a bookcase with a beer in hand and catching her eyes once again. And instead of another faint grin or an arch of an eyebrow, Jamie’s eyes slowly scanned her up and down, lingering on the hem of her skirt before meeting her gaze again and turning away. 

Swallowing hard, Dani brought the lip of her glass to her mouth and drifted her eyes down again to those suspenders, lingering there for a long moment before settling back on Jamie’s forearms. She wondered faintly, what Jamie’s forearm would look like if her hand were to slip beneath Dani’s skirt and between her thighs, how the leather of her suspenders would feel in her hands if Dani were to grip them for leverage. Feeling an ache between her legs in response and her breath catching at just the thought alone, Dani clenched her teeth and stood upright to make her excuses to the bathroom when there was the sound of glass shattering from the kitchen. 

Dani started slightly, blinking in surprise. On the other side of the room, Carson groaned. “All right, which one of you idiots was it,” he said, but when he turned around to find all three of his older brothers in the living room, he paused. “Oh.”

“Gosh, I’m so sorry, Judy,” came Karen’s voice. 

“It’s all right, honey,” said Judy gently, “Watch your feet, there’s glass everywhere.”

The air in the living room abruptly went thick and quiet and suffocating. Feeling her stomach drop, Dani exhaled quietly and started towards the kitchen. She slowed when she was greeted with a pool of wine on the linoleum floor, red as blood, fresh-spilt, shattered pieces of glass everywhere. Jaw taut, Dani looked up to find her mother hunched over in one of the kitchen table chairs, rubbing at her forehead. Just as Dani felt another presence at her side, Judy looked up from where she was gathering the larger pieces of glass and offered Dani a reassuring grin.

“Just an accident, honey. Not our first spill of the night,” Judy said, and then added, “Boys, could you get the mop and broom, please?”

There was movement behind her, but Dani couldn’t be bothered to check, feeling a strain pressing at her shoulders. She slowly edged her way further into the kitchen, carefully skirting around the mess and Judy’s warnings. 

“Danielle, be careful.”

She nodded faintly, easing closer to her mom, her throat feeling thick. There was movement again behind her, and she glanced over her shoulder to find Mike and Carson helping Judy with cleaning supplies in hand. Lingering by the entranceway, Dani found both Eddie and Jamie. Eddie with his hands tucked inside his pockets, an apprehensive hunch to his shoulders as he took in the scene. And Jamie with a concerned frown. Swallowing down the swell of acidic shame building in her throat, Dani turned away and moved closer to Karen.

Her eyes were closed, hidden beneath her hand, glasses abandoned on the table where she rested heavily on her elbow. “Mom?” Dani murmured, carefully reaching out a hand to rest on her shoulder.

“I’m fine,” Karen said sharply, “Just an accident.” She then looked up, her eyes glassy, her jaw clenched. “Judy, it’s fine. Let me help. I can fix it."

She made to stand, but Judy firmly shook her head. “You stay right there,” she said, emptying a dustpan full of glass in the garbage, and gestured where Carson and Mike were near finishing cleaning up, “See? We’re almost done. No harm, no foul.”

Karen exhaled and shook her head with a grimace. “I’m sorry. I - “

“Now, none of that,” Judy said sternly, “It’s Christmas. Accidents happen.”

Her expression darkening into a scowl, Karen shook her head again and mumbled something under her breath. Jaw aching from how hard she was clenching her teeth, Dani gently squeezed her shoulder. “Let me walk you home.”

“I’m fine,” Karen repeated. 

Dani stared at her for a long moment, scanning over the exhausted and weary lines of her mothers face. The phases of her mother’s inebriation were as constant as the moon; Dani knew them all by heart. “You need some sleep,” Dani murmured, “Let me take you home.”

Karen scoffed, and said darkly, “Why? So you can lord it over me?” She shrugged off Dani’s hand. “I can take care of myself. I don’t need you, Danielle.”

“Karen,” Judy said behind her.

The Christmas music was a ringing in Dani’s ears, the sound feeling utterly like one big joke as her head swam from her own indulgence of wine. Dani pushed it down — the indignation and resentment — pushed it all away and leaned closer to murmur, “I just want you to feel better. That’s all.” Her mother remained quiet, not meeting her eyes. A thick lump appeared in Dani’s throat. “Please let me take care of you?”

There was a long moment of quiet as her mother rubbed at her forehead, and finally sighed, her shoulders slumping. “Fine,” she breathed, exhausted. 

Dani nodded and made to help her mother stand, grasping her arm. Eddie finally stepped closer, eyes darting between them. “She can have my old room,” he started carefully, almost hesitant, “If she’d like.”

Shaking her head, Dani murmured, “It’s fine.”

“You sure?” Eddie said softly.

“Yes, can you just - “ She stopped short, irritation bleeding in her tone. She drew in a deep breath, and repeated more calmly, “It’s fine. I’ve got her.”

Eddie hesitated, opening his mouth as though he wanted to say something more, but to Dani’s relief, he just nodded and stepped aside. 

Her mother clung to her arm in a painful grip as Dani led them towards the foyer. She tried not to wince, tried to ignore the various gazes of the O’Mara clan in the shape of concern and morbid curiosity, tried to duck her head enough to hide the red in her cheeks as her mother staggered beside her. But when she reached the foyer, she looked up and blinked in surprise to find Jamie there in her coat and boots with two jackets slung over her arms, that old scarf wrapped around her neck.

“What are you - ?”

Jamie shrugged. “Figured you’d need the help,” she said simply.

“Are you sure?” Eddie said from beside her. Dani tensed at the sound of his voice. “I’d be happy to come along.”

Quietly, Jamie looked at Dani with a questioning arched eyebrow and patiently waited. Swallowing hard past the thickness in her throat, Dani murmured, “I've got it, Eddie.”

With a thin, conceding smile, Eddie nodded. Though there was a thin veneer of relief in his expression, Eddie still gamely assisted with letting Karen grip his arm for balance while she slipped on her shoes after muttering darkly, “Get up from the floor, Danielle,” when Dani had crouched to assist her.

Head ducked, running a trembling hand through her hair, Dani slipped on her own heels, only vaguely paying attention to Eddie awkwardly holding her mother’s jacket out. “Uh - “ he started “ - is it okay, Mrs. Clayton, if I, uh -?”

Remarkably, Karen breathed out a quiet laugh that grated on Dani’s ears. “Always were a polite boy,” was all she said. 

When Dani looked up again, she found Jamie watching her with a shadow of worry in her expression. Without a word, Jamie held up Dani’s jacket. Forcing out a thin smile, Dani turned and let Jamie help her slip into it, pulling it close around her. 

“All good?” Jamie murmured quietly behind her. 

Dani nodded, exhaling slowly. Just as she was about to turn around, Carson approached them.

“Hey,” he said quietly, “Anything I can do to help?”

Pulling her lips between her teeth in careful consideration, Dani’s eyes darted over his shoulder towards the living room that was still marginally quieter than it had been all night. Following her gaze, Carson glanced in that direction and then gave her an understanding smile. 

“I got it,” he said, pulling her in his arms for a firm hug, “I’ll take care of it.”

Dani nodded, holding him tight and feeling him reciprocate until she could almost feel her bones creak and her throat grow thick. When she slowly pulled away, she felt him give her a warm kiss to her forehead. “Love you,” he murmured. 

“Love you too,” Dani said faintly, unable to meet his eyes. 

Desperate to leave, desperate to feel the cold against her cheeks again to fight off the humiliation and the burn in her eyes, luck was not in her favor, for Judy was the next to approach her with a look of quiet affection Dani wasn’t sure she deserved.

Dani said, “I’m-I’m sorry, Judy, I’m - “

Judy cupped her cheeks and gave her a look that brooked no room for argument. “You head on home, and get the both of you to bed, all right?” she said, “I want you both bright eyed and ready for another day.” At a loss for words, Dani nodded and let Judy pull her into a hug. “Goodnight, sweet heart.”

“Goodnight,” Dani murmured, her shoulders stiff under Judy’s arms. 

Dani was unable to meet her eyes when she was finally let go, turning on the spot where the others were waiting for her. “Let’s go,” Dani mumbled to Jamie, who jerked her head in a single nod, and swung open the door. Offering Eddie a frail smile when he handed her Karen’s glasses, she slipped it in her pocket and let him kiss her head before she wrapped an arm around her mother’s shoulders to guide her outside. “Come on, mom. Let’s go.”

The cold against Dani’s skin was welcomed, biting at her ears and nose in a distracting way. Jamie was already waiting by the porch steps, a hand held out in case Dani or Karen lost their balance. She remained close by as they carefully stepped down the walkway that was now covered in a thin layer of snow, but when they reached the sidewalk, Jamie trudged ahead, kicking at the snowbank separating them from the street to make a path. 

Her mother shivered and grumbled under her breath as they carefully stepped through. Dani absently rubbed at her mother’s shoulder to ward away the cold, keeping a close grip on her. When they finally made it across the street up the walkway towards her childhood house, Dani dug her free hand in her jacket pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

“Get the door?” Dani said to Jamie. 

With a nod, Jamie took the keys but remained close until they reached the porch with a faint furrow to her brow. It was by some miracle that they hadn’t slipped once during the entire journey.  

As Jamie unlocked the front door, keys jingling, the lock clicking open, Karen huffed. “Is she coming inside?”

“Yes,” Dani said firmly, not bothering to check for Jamie’s reaction as she guided her mother through the doorway. 

With the door shut behind them, Dani sighed quietly in the darkness of the house and listened as Jamie shoved her boots off, already stumbling around to flick on the lights. The house was cold and quiet and void of any decorations to speak of. Lying in wait for the return of its ghosts. Not in the least bit surprised, Dani shed her coat and shoes, and kept a close hand on her mother as she did the same, swaying off balance as she did so. 

“Need help with the stairs?” Jamie asked softly, broaching the quiet. 

Karen scoffed wordlessly. Not meeting Jamie’s eyes, Dani shook her head. “No." 

Jamie didn’t reply, and Dani didn’t look to see her expression. Instead she took her mom’s waist and led her towards the stairs. It was tricky, as it always was. But Dani was an old hand by now, climbing the stairs, bearing most of her mother’s weight, her labored breath in Dani’s ears. But for the first time, Jamie was a constant presence at her back, and when they stumbled halfway up, Dani felt the press of a warm hand at her lower back, burning through her blouse and keeping her balanced upright. Just the feeling alone cast another shadow of shame over her, burning her cheeks. 

Her mother’s bedroom, as it always did, smelled of cigarettes and cheap floral perfume as though that would mask the smell. Karen let out a long sigh when they shuffled inside and pushed out of Dani’s grasp as soon as they neared the bed to sit heavily on the edge of it. The light from the bedside lamps, even as warm as they were, cast her mother’s face in an eerie glow. Her head tilted slightly, Dani could almost see wrinkles there that she had never seen before.

Behind her, Jamie softly cleared her throat. Startlingly slightly, Dani turned and blinked at her, finding her standing at the threshold of her mother’s room with her hands in the pockets of her bulky jacket, looking vaguely uncomfortable.

“You need anything?” Jamie said with a faint frown towards Karen before meeting Dani’s eyes. 

It took Dani a moment to answer, but she finally cleared her throat and nodded. “Just um - ” she fumbled “ - uh.”

Smiling gently, a reassuring look that briefly unspooled something in Dani’s chest. “Don’t worry,” Jamie murmured, “Be right back.”

Disappearing down the hall, audibly retreating downstairs, Dani was left to the realization that she was now alone with her mother. The stone that had sunk to the pit of her stomach seemed to painfully twist and deform. 

Pushing it down and away, Dani set to work. Retrieving a damp washcloth for her mother to wipe the night’s grime from face. Setting up the bed behind her. Removing jewelry as though on autopilot. Gold rings. A fake pearl necklace. Small stud earrings. 

She was setting them away at her mother’s vanity when at that moment, Dani heard footsteps in the hall. Clearing her throat, she stood upright and started towards the door where Jamie met her, a tall glass of water and a small bottle of painkillers in her hands. Instead of handing it over to Dani, she seemed to freeze on the spot, her eyes darting over Dani’s face with a discerning frown. Desperately, Dani gave her a reassuring smile, feeling her cheeks strain. 

When Jamie merely arched an eyebrow, Dani murmured, “I’ve got it.”

She looked at her for another moment longer, and then finally exhaled, handing over the supplies. “I’ll wait outside,” Jamie said softly, and when Dani nodded, she grasped Dani’s free hand before she could step away.

Jamie’s hand was warm, as they always were. Her eyes were soft and understanding, her mouth curving into a faint smile. Dani slowly exhaled, allowing the comfort for only a moment, before squeezing Jamie’s hand and letting go. Throat bobbing, sending Karen one last cursory glance, Jamie nodded and retreated downstairs. 

“That man of yours,” Karen said behind her, and Dani's spine immediately went taut, “you have a good one, you know?”

A strain was starting to travel up the back of Dani’s neck, a throbbing twinge verging on a headache. She gritted her teeth and turned to attend to her mother who had remained hunched over on the bed. Dani handed her the water in a silent order to drink, setting the painkillers aside to return to work. And all the while, Karen mumbled in between sips.

“You don’t find those very often anymore. Your grandfather wasn’t one,” Karen said, chuckling darkly, a lost look in her eyes, “But your father. He was a good man. Better than I could have ever hoped for. He insisted - he insisted we marry. All because of you. And God I hated him for it.” 

Dani froze, feeling something cold wash over her, but she was quick to continue, biting against the tremble of her chin, the ache in her chest, as she pulled bobby pins from her mother’s hair, smoothing out the blonde waves with trembling fingers. 

Karen laughed again. “If I have one advice to give you, Danielle,” she started as Dani robotically took the empty glass to set aside and coaxed her mother under the covers, “Don’t hate him for loving you. Otherwise you’ll end up like me. Alone and with a daughter who can barely stand to look at you.”

“Okay, mom,” Dani choked out weakly, a crack in her voice, pulling the covers over her mother’s shoulder as she curled on her side with her eyes closed. 

And before she could move away, Karen reached out and grasped her wrist, pulling her close to sit beside her. “You’re happy, aren’t you?” Karen asked, looking up at her through heavy-lidded eyes, both exhausted and piercing all at once. “Are you happy?”

Feeling a burning in her eyes, Dani sucked in a trembling breath and nodded. “Yeah,” she breathed, hastily wiping at her cheeks, “Yeah, mom. I’m happy.”

Her mother blinked up at her for another long moment, and then without another word, twisted away. An unbearable ache in her chest, Dani stood on wobbly legs and made a swift exit, her fists clenched at her side. She turned off the lights and shut the door behind her, leaning against the wood to press her hands to her eyes. Rubbing away the burning and the unfallen tears until she could see stars behind her eyelids, until she could breathe properly again. 

It took a long time to feel normal again. Splashing cold water against her cheeks to wash away the sting of her mother’s words. Downing a glass of water of her own in the kitchen, as if she could drown in it. A long time to feel like she could face Jamie again and pretend the last half hour never happened. Tucking it all away until all that was left was this shiny, hollow veneer. Sucking in a deep breath, she pushed her feet into a pair of reasonable boots, and pulled open the front door. 

Outside Jamie was fiddling with the keys to her truck. They jangled with a metallic clatter. The scarf was hanging around her neck like a stole nearly down to her knees. Her cheeks were bright and pink with cold, as was the tip of her nose. 

“You didn’t have to wait for me,” Dani said, shutting the door behind her so that they stood alone on the illuminated front stoop of her childhood house. 

“Yeah, but I wanted to.” Jamie shot her a grin, which quickly faded. “Your mum all right?” 

With a sigh, Dani raked her hair away from her face with one hand, the other tucked beneath her opposite arm in an attempt to ward off the chill. “Probably not,” she said. “But there’s nothing I can do about that.” 

“Not your responsibility.”

“Then whose is it?” 

“Don’t care. Fuck her.” 

Dani gave a huff of laughter. Less because it was funny, and more because it was surprising. Jamie’s crass candor never failed to hit its mark. Arms wrapped around herself and shivering slightly, Dani shook her head.

“Don’t shake your head like I’m wrong,” Jamie said. “Because I’m not. Fuck her. You deserve better. Always have.” 

It felt too much like a scene from ten years ago. Jamie, here. Jamie, looking at her like this. Jamie, fiddling with her keys for want of movement. Jamie, all square-jawed and imploring gray eyes. They might as well have been sixteen again.

Dani made an abortive motion, wanting to reach out, to grasp Jamie’s arm, to ground herself in the present, but she stopped before she could get halfway, clenching her fist back to her side and frowning down at their shoes angled in the snow. “I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head and laughing softly.

Jamie stared at her. “What for?”

“I don’t know. I don’t – Everything. I’m sorry that you had to help me drag her over here on Christmas. You have enough going on. You didn’t need to do this.”

“Well, if it wasn’t me,” said Jamie. “Then it would’ve been Ed.”

Dani did not reply.

“Right?” Jamie asked, incredulous. “Please, tell me he helps you with this shit.”

“He –“ Dani cleared her throat and glanced over her shoulder as though afraid the door might have opened, as though afraid her mother had been faking the whole thing and would be standing there, listening. “He does. More often than I’d like, to be honest.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Scuffing her heeled shoe against the snow on the front step, Dani said, “I don’t like letting her ruin everything. I don’t want her making things harder.”

“Harder than what?”

Dani shook her head, her arms tightening around her middle and her eyes squeezing shut. She couldn’t say that being with Eddie was an exercise in precarious balance, in the breathtaking knife’s edge upon which every aspect of her life was hung. She couldn’t say that every day she woke up awash in the fear that today would be the day it all fell apart, one thing too many, one little piece out of place. She couldn’t say that because saying it aloud would make it real, because saying it aloud would mean no going back, because all she had was forward. One step after another. Always forward.

Clink of the keys, and Jamie’s voice was a careful thing. “Way I see it,” she said. “Things can’t be any harder than they are. Only different.”

Dani laughed weakly and looked up. “If only that were true.”

Jamie was watching her with a steady gaze. “You can tell me, you know. Whatever it is. You can tell me. I won’t care.”

Dani’s mouth was dry. Her tongue darted out to wet her lower lip, and she whispered, “You will.”

Jamie’s eyes dropped to Dani’s mouth, following the movement, and Dani felt a warm tug low in her stomach. A thin thread of something unseen and electric tethered them in place, and then the rhythmic twirl of the keys around Jamie’s fingers went off kilter for just a moment, sending them spinning off over the railing and into the snow bank.

“Shit,” Jamie muttered. She turned and descended the few steps to trample around in the snow, calf-deep, looking for her keys.

Blinking away the coil of heat in her gut, Dani shook her head slightly and went to join her. “Did you see where they went?”

“No,” Jamie said, leaning on her knees and sweeping through the snow with her bare hands, half-crouched so that her scarf dangled and dragged across the bank. “Fuck. Do you have that spare set I gave you?”

“You only gave me a spare house key. Not one for your truck.”

“Shit.”

“Don’t worry. Eddie and I can drive you home, if it comes down to it.”

The snow melted and clung to the skin-toned nylon stockings against Dani’s legs. She scrunched up her nose and shivered, the two of them alternatively sweeping their ankles or wrists through the drift, hoping to hear the tell-tale clink of metal. After a minute or two of them being out of view of the front door, the outdoor light automatically switched off, plunging them into the shadow of the house, which leaned over them like a spectre through the night, blotting out the stars in a jagged silhouette. 

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” Jamie muttered. 

She was still crouched over. A length of silvery chain glinted as it slipped free from her shirt and a familiar necklace swung from her neck. Dani went very still, gaze fixed upon it. 

It was a silver half-dollar piece. Dani could remember piercing it in Judy’s garage, Mike guiding her hand around the drill bit. Except the chain was different now. Longer than she remembered, and a more expensive material than whatever she could have afforded at the age of twelve. 

As if watching herself in a dream, Dani reached out. Jamie froze as Dani’s fingers curled around the chain and gently tugged her upright. Jamie followed slowly, eyes unmoving from Dani. Rubbing the coin between thumb and forefinger, Dani traced the effaced imagery, faded as though from years of being worried in just this fashion.

“You kept this?” she asked, her voice sounding too loud in the quiet darkness of this moment, this brief chamber of the world.

Jamie nodded. Her eyes were dark and indistinguishable, her expression veiled, but there was no mistaking the catch of breath in her throat when Dani’s grip made the chain tug softly at the back of Jamie’s neck. Dani stared, afraid to exhale, afraid to blink, afraid to somehow break this scene, as though they were tethered together by a string of brittle moonlit glass caught in her fist. 

There was the gentle drift of snow through the air, grayed flecks falling from the night sky and catching in Jamie’s wild curls like a net of stars. Dani only meant to let the necklace go, but they stood so close together that the furl of her fingers brushed against the corner of Jamie’s collarbone through the unbuttoned gap in her shirt. Jamie’s mouth dropped open to suck in a sharp breath, but she said nothing. Swallowing thickly, Dani dared to let her fingertips trace the hollow of Jamie’s throat, slipping between warm skin and cold chain. The trembling ghost of a touch.

The pulse at Jamie’s throat leapt beneath her thumb. Dani wanted to replace her thumb with her mouth, test Jamie’s heartbeat with her tongue. She wanted to slide her hand to the back of Jamie’s neck and tug her back against the brick cladding, hidden from sight. She wanted — and wanted —

Dani let her hand splay out against Jamie’s sternum. She pushed gently, a steady pressure, maintaining contact, so that she could feel the thud of Jamie’s chest beneath her palm. 

“You should -” Dani rasped, “You should take Mikey home. It’s late.”

Jamie nodded. “Yeah,” she breathed. Before Dani could drop her hand however, Jamie covered it with her own, holding it in place. The circle of silver warmed beneath Dani’s hand, and Jamie said, “Wait.”  

“What is it?” Her eyes had begun to adjust to the darkness, and Dani could just make out the curve of Jamie’s smile. 

“I still need to find my keys,” Jamie said. 

Dani blinked and then snorted with sudden laughter. Jamie squeezed her fingers, grinning, still keeping Dani’s hand against her chest in a loose grip. 

“Right,” Dani said. “Right. Yeah. I’ll get the light.”

Jamie hummed in agreement. Then she lifted Dani’s hand and bowed her head. Dani watched in abject fascination, not trusting herself to breathe, as Jamie pressed a warm chaste kiss to the peak of Dani’s knuckles before — finally — letting her go. 

Dani stumbled up the steps and through the front door. She had to pause in the open doorway leading into the ink-darkened house. There were the shadows of furniture throughout, vague shapes like owl-eyed creatures through the treeline. Dani leaned back against the wall just inside, holding the door slightly shut, trying to give herself space to breathe. Her hand was clenched into a fist. She swore she could still feel the press of Jamie’s mouth against her fingers. Or perhaps that was the shiver of the cold night air. 

Flexing her hand, Dani let her head tilt back against the wall. Then, straightening herself with a deep breath, she flicked on the outdoor light and — braced against the chill — stepped out into the cold once more. 

[heliads]

Fortune Favors the Love-Struck

When Y/N’s best friend Race asks her to help him ask out some Manhattan girl, she feels reluctant because of her own feelings for him. What will she do when Race finds out that she loves him?

masterlist

You’re curled up on your bed, knees bent in front of you in an attempt to spread out on the narrow space of your bunk. A battered and beaten paperback is propped up against your legs, your eyes glued to its pages. Across the room, the door opens and you barely have a chance to realize someone’s there before a sudden blur flashes across the room and knocks you back against the bed.

You tense for a moment, then laugh despite yourself when you realize that the blur was just your best friend, Race, knocking you down in a running tackle. “Jeez, Race, you trying to kill me?” Your joke dies slightly on your tongue when you look up and see his face only a few inches away from your own, his legs strewn over yours and his chin propped up on his palm to grin victoriously at you.

Race just rolls his eyes at your complaint. “Y/N, do you remember how we first met?” You attempt to calm the beating of your heart, and speak in a slightly exasperated tone. “You mean when I saw you on that street corner selling papes and bet I could sell twice as many as you?” Race nods in agreement, cheeky grin on full display. “And for some reason, I let you sell with me despite the fact that I had no idea who you were, and even after I won the contest I brought you to Jack out of the goodness of my heart and had him make you a full-time newsie?”

You don’t need Race’s anecdotes to remind you of that day. It seemed like it had just happened recently, despite the fact that you had now lived with the Manhattan newsies for well over a year. After you had first met Race out on the streets, the two of you had formed a fast friendship that would lead to you selling him with him more often than not, him even allowing you to steal a cigar or two from his treasured stash, and instances like this one, when he would launch into a running tackle just to rough you up and joke around like you were just another one of the boys.

That was one of the first things you had noticed about Race- he never seemed to care that you were a girl. He never treated you differently, like a glass ornament that could shatter at a moment’s notice. He never seemed to see you as anything more than a selling partner, a friend, a newsie he could talk and laugh with whenever he wanted to.

The next few things you started to notice about Race were the sudden, startling blue of his eyes when the light caught them, or the way his mouth twisted up into a crooked smile when he was having fun. The way he’d raise his eyebrows slightly when talking about something that he’d seen earlier, which made him look like an excited kid again for just a second. The way his arm slid around your shoulders like a missing puzzle piece that was supposed to have been there all along. The way you loved him for all of that, and would keep loving him until the day your heart finally stopped beating.

The worst part about loving Race is the best part about him, too- the way the two of you were closer than anything, closer than either of you were to any other newsie across the entire city of New York. You were his best friend, and he was yours- even though you were the most important person to him, you were still stuck in one place in his heart, somewhere in between a sister and a friend. He would never see you as a girl he would fall in love with, even though you’d been head over heels for him for a long time. So, you fake your smiles, and pretend your eyes don’t linger on him when they do, and you force yourself to snap back to reality instead of swimming around in your thoughts like you’re doing right now.

You raise your eyebrows doubtfully. “Actually, I think I won the pape-selling contest, and you were so amazed that you practically dragged me over to the lodging house so you could beg Jack to let me sell with you.” Race frowns. “I don’t remember it being like that.” You laugh at his cross face. “Maybe you should get a better memory, and maybe you should get off of me and tell me what you want.”

Race stares at you for a second, then stretches out an arm to your side to push himself upright into a sitting position just a few inches away from you. You sit up yourself, trying to stop the hammering of your heart. Race crosses his arms over his chest. “What do you mean, I should tell you what I want?”

You give him a look. “Race, you only bring up that story when you want a favor. Now, can you stop wasting my time and tell me what it is? I want to get back to my book.” You reach for the abandoned paperback, but Race beats you to it and snatches it away before you can close your fingers around it. “Y/N, I’se your best friend. The book can wait.” You raise an eyebrow. “What could be more important than my book?”

Race clasps his hands together melodramatically. “I met a girl.” You stare back at him, unmoved. “A girl? I thought those only existed in the papes.” Race swats you on the shoulder. “Toss the attitude, Y/N. This is important. I met the most beautiful, most amazing, most everything girl in the entire world.”

There’s a slow dullness that’s starting to spread across your heart, one you can’t acknowledge, not right now. It would destroy you. So, you return his gaze, pretending to the world like you’re completely unaffected by this. “And what does this incredible girl have to do with me?” Race leans forward, wrapping his hands around yours. “I need you to help convince this girl to go out with me. I can’t do it alone, I need you. You’re my best friend, and the only one who could make me have a fighting chance with her.”

You shake your head slightly. “I’m not sure I’d be any good at that. I don’t even know who this girl is, let alone what she likes in a boy.” Race jumps up from the bed. “Then let’s go see her. She’ll be walking home from school now, we can glimpse her from across the street.” You stay where you are, but Race drags you up by the hand and out of the room, laughing at your protests. “Come on, Y/N, it’ll be fun. You know I can’t do this without you!”

Race pulls you down the city streets, up blocks and around corners. You pretend to fight him the entire way, but you can’t hold back your grin for much longer and the two of you dissolve into laughter. For a moment, you can’t feel anything but a blinding joy- this is how life should be, isn’t it? Just the two of you, out in the night and letting the dark surround you, uncaring to the troubles of the world. He is all you need, and he needs you just the same.

Then he stops you in your tracks, one arm flung out to stop you from coming out of an alleyway. He jerks his chin across the street at the figure of a young woman heading down the sidewalk. “There she is.” You narrow your eyes at the girl, and you feel a wave of sorrow begin to break over you.

She’s gorgeous. Flawless, even. Dark hair, falling in curls to frame her face. Bright, warm eyes that look like twin pools of honeyed sunlight. You’d seen a picture of an ancient hornet caught in a chunk of amber once, in a scientific section of a pape you’d been selling, and for some reason this girl reminds you of that. You feel like the insect caught in the amber- maybe you were drowning in her eyes, but it was such a beautiful sight that you’d stay there happily, even when it killed you.

You glance over at Race, but the boy is obviously caught under the girl’s spell. He stares at her, a light smile playing on his lips. It hits you then like a ton of bricks- you will never have a chance with him. Not in a million years, not when he has this goddess of a girl to love instead. Who are you to stand against her?

Race is looking back at you now. “So, will you help me?” You nod, and force a smile that feels like it’s poisoning you from the inside out. “Of course. I’m your best friend, aren’t I?” And why can’t you be content with that?

Even though it hurts, you’re determined to do right by Race. So, you coach him through how to speak to this girl, how to compliment her laugh and shy smile without sounding weird. How to secretly wrap her morning pape around a bunch of roses so that the blooms spill out into her hand. How to catch her eye from across the street, and have his hand linger on hers for just a second longer than he does with anyone else. How to make sure the girl falls utterly in love with him, just the way you already have.

After a week or two, you feel you’ve prepared Race to the best of your abilities. You finish selling your papes a short while before he does, and give him one last pep talk before he has to face the girl again. Race looks nervous, shoving his hands in his pockets as he looks around the crowded streets of Manhattan. “You’re sure I can do this?” You give him a reassuring smile. “There’s no doubt. You’ve got this.” You turn to go, but Race catches your hand and spins you back around to face him. Your breath catches in your throat, and you can’t do anything but stare at him, suddenly only a few inches from you. 

Race flashes you a grin. “Thanks for your help, Y/N. Honest. I don’t know what I would do without you.” You stare at his hand, at his fingers linked so casually with yours, then force yourself to meet his gaze once more. “Of course. Now go get your girl!” Race walks off confidently, and waves to you one last time. You watch him go, only turning to leave when he rounds a corner and disappears from your line of view. 

You’re waiting for Race when he returns to the lodging house. The second you see him slip through the doors, you eagerly head over to him. “How’d it go?” Your excited tone starts to drop off when you notice the distress evident in every line and crease of his face. You wince. “Not that great?” 

Race just sighs. “I don’t know what I did wrong. I thought she felt the same way about me, but I guess not. She just said ‘maybe later’ and walked in the other direction.” You frown, reaching out to touch his shoulder lightly in sympathy. “Well, she’s missing out. Any girl here’d be lucky to have you, Racer. You know that.”

Race nods hesitantly. “Maybe. Still hurts, though.” You click your tongue understandingly. “Well, I can’t think of anything we could have done differently. There’ll be other girls, and we’ll figure out how to deal with them too.” Your gaze brightens as you remember a detail from earlier that day. “Say, I forgot to tell you but I managed to snatch a Corona or two off of some sleeping banker during my rounds. Want me to get you one?”

Race’s face brightens almost immediately at the mention of his favorite cigars. “Y/N, you’re a gem. What would I do without you?” You grin. “Probably go into cigar withdrawal and die a spectacular death. I’ll get them, be back in a second.” You disappear into the throngs of newsies, heading to your room to retrieve the fabled stash of cigars. When you return, you notice that Race is now talking to Davey, and you approach quietly so as not to interrupt them.

Race is sadly talking about his earlier disappointment to Davey, who nods understandingly. “City girls is weird, honestly. I don’t know how Jack managed to convince Katherine to go out with him. Maybe he’s got blackmail or something.” Race chuckles at that. “Y/N’s been great during all this, though. She’s been helping me with the girl over the last couple of weeks.”

Davey frowns. “You made Y/N help you ask this girl out? What, you have an argument and get mad at her?” Race looks up at him, confused. “What do you mean?” Davey rolls his eyes. “Isn’t it obvious? Y/N’s been crushing on you since forever, and you just made her coach you through asking some other girl on a date. It’s almost mean.” Your eyes flash to Davey. Surely he didn’t just say that, surely he wouldn’t tell Race.

You must have gasped quietly, because Davey looks at you and his expression quickly changes to regret. Race sees his sudden change in character and turns to see you. His face drops into a frown when he sees the look of horror on your face, realizing that what Davey said was true. You can’t stay here, not after all this, so you turn and walk hurriedly out of the lodging house, breaking into a run when you’re free of the door.

You run and run until you’re forced to come to a stop, panting for breath in the brisk night air. You’re still afraid to be seen by anyone, so you climb a rickety fire escape on the side of a building, heading up and up until you crumple into a heap on the roof. Then, and only then, do the tears finally come. They burst out of you, and you dissolve into sobs that rack your entire body as you remember that look on Race’s face, that haunted realization that bordered on disgust. It’s all over now. He’ll never want to even speak to you again.

Finally, night falls heavily on the streets and you’re forced to retreat shamefully back to the lodging house lest the cops catch you out after curfew. Getting tossed in the Refuge would only be the icing on the cake judging by how badly today’s gone. You manage to make your way into the lodging house without getting noticed by Race, and you quickly pull Elmer aside to talk.

“Hey, Elmer, can I switch bunks with you?” Elmer nods eagerly. “Absolutely- your room’s got the best view. Consider it a deal.” You both spit on your palms (as per newsie tradition), and you hurry to grab your few belongings from your bunk and bring them to your new location without being seen by any blond, blue-eyed newsboys.

Thus begins your habit of avoiding Race- you sleep in an entirely different room, you don’t sit with him during meals, you pretend you don’t see him across the room even when you’re sure you can feel his eyes burning holes into the back of your head. A few times, you’ve had close calls and glanced up only to see him starting to move towards you, but you’d been able to quickly disappear into the crowd in time to lose him when you had to.

However, it doesn’t look like the universe is interested in protecting you for very long, as you’re heading to bed early one night when you hear the sound of someone quickly approaching you. You know Race better than you know anyone else, and you certainly know the sound of his footsteps, so you pick up your pace in an attempt to lose him in the twistingly narrow halls of the lodging house before he can catch up to you.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t look like it’s going to happen. A hand reaches out and closes around your wrist, forcing you to come to a stop. You whirl around to see Race, and, panicked, try to walk away again, but he wraps an arm around your waist to stop you in place. All you can do is stand there, breathing heavily after your hurried escape attempts. 

Race looks down at you, and for once, you can’t tell what emotions are lingering behind his eyes. “You can’t avoid me forever, you know.” You glance away. “I can try.” Race sighs. “I’m supposed to be your best friend, right? Please, stop trying to get rid of me.” You force yourself to stare back at him, feeling frustration bubbling up inside of you.

“This is what’s best for both of us. You want your best friend back, and so do I. Just give me a little while to get over the fact that I love you and we can be back to normal. Maybe I won’t see as much of you for the time being, but we can go back to being friends.” Race’s hand doesn’t move from your hip. “Is that what you want?” You look at him, feeling tears starting to prick at your eyes. “It’s what you want. It’s what’s best for both of us. It doesn’t matter what I want, it’s what’s going to happen.”

 Race’s hand lightens on your side, and you take advantage of his softened gaze to slip away. You think for just a second that he might be about to say something else, but you know you can’t stand to hear it. So, you disappear into a darkened room, and pretend that you can’t feel the shattering of your heart.

It’s a warm summer day, the cheerful glow of the sun at complete odds with the dull ache surrounding you. It’s been about a week since that conversation with Race, and he’s respected your wishes to stay away. You don’t talk to him, and he doesn’t talk to you, and you can’t help but hope that it hurts him as much as it’s killing you.

You hear the sound of someone approaching behind you, and force a smile as you recognize the customer holding out a few coins in exchange for the morning pape. The man is a regular, and you’ve become pretty accustomed to his habits. He’s got a tendency to overpay for a wink and a flirty smile, so you look at him through your eyelashes and force a coy grin that you don’t feel at all.

The man, as always, hands you a few extra coins, and you, as always, wave him goodbye in thanks. However, you’re startled when you see Race suddenly appearing from around the corner, and are taken aback by the intensity of his glare. He gestures for you to follow him into an alleyway to speak, and you follow him, albeit a little hesitantly.

You’ve barely entered the alley when he pulls you close, out of the view of any passersby. His breathing is hard and uneven, as if he’s furious. He glances towards the opening of the alley to make sure nobody else can see you, then turns back to you. “I can’t do this any longer.” You frown up at him. “Do what?” His voice comes in a low, incensed whisper. “I can’t stay away from you. I can’t pretend I don’t see you across the room, and glance away when men like that look at you like you’re a piece of candy.”

You can’t do anything but stare at him, and a moment later his lips come crashing down onto yours. You feel your breath come in a sharp inhale, and Race pulls away just slightly to speak in a low murmur. “I thought I wanted us to just be friends, but I’m not sure that’s right anymore. I don’t want to be your best friend, not if it means I have to stay away from you any longer.”

You stare at him for a second, then break into a quiet laugh. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that.” “And you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to realize just how important you are to me.” Race says, and you can feel the slight upwards tilt of his smile when he kisses you again.

[sherrybaby14]

Blue Spiders

A/N:  This is chapter one in a series!  I think it is going to be 3 parts, but if more is requested I do have an outline where I could take it to 10.  (Updates on Thursdays)

Pairing: AU Psychiatrist Steve Rogers x Female Reader

Words:  3700

Summary:  An interview with a charming doctor leads to more

Warnings:  This chapter, mentions of violence and murder, alcohol.  I HAVE NOT WARNED FOR EVERYTHING POSSIBLE.  PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.  

   Smoothing out your blazer and squaring your shoulders you rose your fist and knocked on the door.  

   It swung open, taking your breath away at the swiftness of the response.  Your jaw dropped for a moment, but you shook the nerves away, always the professional.  He was more gorgeous in person with blond hair and blue eyes.  The All-American man.

   “Dr. Rogers?”  You asked.  

   “So I’ve been called.”  He stepped to the side.  “Please come in.”

   Your eyes went up at the expanse of his office.  It had a balcony going around the entire space, floor to ceiling in books.  The main floor was open with a huge mahogany desk behind bright windows.  There was a sitting area with two chairs, a couch, and a coffee table.  On the wall hung a giant painting.

   “Is that a Jackson Pollock?”  You were surprised to see such a chaotic artist hung in a therapist’s office.  

   “I know it’s not the traditional calming image you would expect a doctor to hang, but I find it opens people up on the subconscious and allows my patients to see the beauty in madness.”   His voice made the hairs on your body rise, so calm and collected.  

   “Are most of your patients mad?”  You looked over your shoulder to see icy blue eyes taking in your face.  

   “We’re not here to discuss my patients Miss, that is private information.”  He wagged a finger in your face before moving toward the sitting area. “I was very clear when I agreed to the interview.”  

   “Of course, Dr. Rogers.”  You followed and sat down opposite him.  “I am sure my editor went over the basics with you, but this is for a feature we do monthly on interesting people in the area.  There is nothing to worry about, it is not investigative journalism, only a puff piece for our readers looking for human interest stories.”  

   “Yes, I am still uncertain why I was selected.”  The man adjusted his tie that was tucked into a vest.  He wore those clothes well.  “I fear I am not that interesting.”

   “You were instrumental in the capture of the Canary Killer.”  You were shocked by his modesty.  “The FBI has praised your work and referred to you as an essential asset even though you are not an agent.  That alone makes you very fascinating.”

   “The Canary Killer.”  Dr. Rogers rolled his eyes.  “I am not a fan of those nicknames.  They devalue the lives of the victims, and criminals are not my expertise.”  

   “Do you mind?”  You reached into your bag and pulled out a tape recorder.  “I did not expect to start this soon.”

   “Please.”  He crossed his legs and his lips turned into a small smirk.  “And tell me, why would your readers care about a murderer in Iowa?  I am sure they are locally based.”  

   “Yes.  We are out of Washington D.C., readership largely in Maryland and Virginia.  The surrounding areas, but a killer like this facinates anyone regardless of region.”  As his smile dropped you worried you were coming off too forward.  “And, the focus of the piece is on you, not the killings.  We want to know your background, your story.  I am sure it is more exciting than you give yourself credit for.”  

   “Your dialect is strange.”  He uncrossed his legs and leaned forward.  “I can’t quite place where you are from.”  

   “I moved around a lot as a child.”  You looked away from his deep stare.  “Is linguistics one of your hobbies? Would you like to expand on that?”  

   “It is fascinating. Almost as if you have no accent at all.  Very unheard of.  Tell me, are you trying to disguise your voice?”  His teeth ran over his lip, sending a tremble down your spine.  

   “Doctor, I appreciate the question, but I don’t think I could afford your hourly rate.”  You weren’t used to your subjects asking you many questions.  “How about you?  Where were you born? What drew you to therapy?”  

   “Right.”  His smirk returned.  “I was born abroad.  My parents passed when I was twelve, I became responsible for my younger sister and believe it or not we snuck in illegally.”  

   The doctor’s comment on your accent threw you off, especially when he himself was born abroad but had no trace of one.  He continued on with his life story and you barely had to ask a question.  Everything about the man was fascinating.  

   “After my years in general surgery I discovered that most of my patients were more concerned with the mental effects and less with the recovery.  I enjoyed helping them with any resulting depression or anxiety and realized my love for the blade was second to my love of the mind.”  Dr. Rogers glanced toward the window.  “People are fascinating and I want to help in any way I can.”  

   “That is very noble of you.”  The jitters you had about his attractiveness were now dwarfed compared to the intensity of his wisdom and compassion.  “I know we are running low on time.  Is there any personal anecdote you want to include?  Wife or kids?  Dog?”  

   His smile brightened the room as he let out a laugh.

   “Unfortunately my dedication to my work has left no time for any personal life.”  He rose from his seat.  “Though since this is a human interest piece, I would say my main hobbies are music and cooking.”  

   “Wow. Even your hobbies are impressive.”  You followed his lead, grabbing your recorder and hitting stop.  “You don’t have any unproductive time.  Never lose yourself in a television show? Read a pulp novel?”  

   “I do not enjoy fiction much.”  He shrugged.  “What is the point when the real world is so interesting?”  

   “I never thought about it that way.”  You smiled.  “Thank you for your time.  As a courtesy I will send over the article before it is published, not for your approval of course, but your awareness.”  

   “I am sure it will be as dull as me talking about myself has been.”  He held a hand toward the door.  

   “That is a way to put it, especially since hearing you talk about yourself was the opposite of dull.”  You couldn’t find the right words to say, but that did not stop you from speaking.  “You see the world through a unique lens and have had very unique experiences.  Almost as if, as a species, we are lucky to have you.”  

   You felt like you should cringe or apologize, but something about the man made you speak your mind.  

   “And you must be very good at your job, because I felt comfortable saying that to you and I am not even a patient.”  You stopped at the door to his office.  

   The two of you faced each other, his hand went for the knob, but he paused.  

   “You are not my patient.”  Dr. Roger’s eyes glanced over your face, then stopped at your own.  The two of you stared at each other and you did not look away as a chill went down your spine, the intensity of the man.  

   He was about to speak again when a boom landed on the door.  You jumped and put your hand to your heart, your adrenaline flaring.  

   “I’m sorry Dr. Rogers.”  The door swung open and a familiar face walked in.  “But I need to see you right away.”  

   The new guest’s voice trailed off as he spotted you.  His face scrunched and a look of disgust came over.

   “What are you doing here?”  Blue eyes glared into your soul.  

   A smirk crossed your face as you folded your arms.  

   “Hello Agent Barnes, always a pleasure.”  You should have figured he was a patient.  “I am writing a human interest piece on Dr. Rogers.”  

   “You talked to her?”  James looked to the doctor.  “About me?”  

   “I didn’t mean to create more problems for you to discuss.”  You bit back the urge to fire a crack about his narcissism.  “Thank you again Doctor.  I will send you the piece in the next week or so.”  

   You held out your hand and watched as the blonde man shook it with hesitation.  

   That deep intense stare was gone.  Your heart deflated as you left the office, trying to hold your head high and shoulders square.  It felt like he was going to ask you out on a date for a moment, one you would have gladly expected.  

   The cringe you were fighting came forward as you left the swanky office building.  Agent Barnes interference or not it was a stupid fantasy.  This man was too good for you.

~~

   Steve considered his ability to read people top notch.  Even though he was the one speaking he spent the past hour studying the journalist and to say she was intriguing was an understatement.  

   In fact, he was interested enough he was on the verge of asking the woman to dinner.  

   Bucky’s apparent hatred toward the woman was not expected and Steve found himself mentally recapping the interview to see if he missed something.  

   Before he could assess the situation she stormed off.  Her quip about Bucky being a patient was ruder than he found acceptable.  

   “You gave an interview to Miranda Balfour?”  Bucky gripped his long dark hair as he walked into the office.  “What were you thinking?”

   “What?”  Steve shut the door.  “That was not her name.”

   “Of course she gave you a fake name.”  Bucky scoffed.  “I hope you are prepared to have your reputation trashed.  Did you think to, google whatever name she gave you?”  

   “I did and she checked out.”  Steve's intrigue for the woman was turning to anger.  “Now who are you claiming she is?”  

   “She is Miranda Balfour.  She runs a murder blog, always posting sensational stories.  She gave extensive coverage to the Canary Killer.”  Bucky ran his hands over his face. “Nothing better than a gossip rag.  I’m surprised you haven’t noticed her.  She’s always lurking around any local crime scene.  Trying to get pictures and interviews like she is a legitimate source.  It is disgraceful.”  

   Steve could feel his body temperature start to rise.  He thought about walking over to his desk and sweeping everything off, then taking an axe to the thing.  He imagined the wood slowly turning into the face of Miranda Balfour as she took a whack to the head, splintering as easy as a tree stump.  

   “Well if I have been duped, it is nobody’s fault but my own.”  Steve shut the door to his office.  “What brings you by so urgently Buck?”

   “The New England Butcher.”  Bucky shook his head.  “I stayed up late last night, going over every murder in the area that even remotely fit his MO.”  

   “There is one issue off the bat.”  Steve took a seat in the chair, knowing Bucky preferred to pace while he spoke.  “Lack of sleep.”

   “Six murders in three years.  Each gruesome in their own way.  The randomness of the kills, the victims.  It is like we were only able to string them together because he wanted us to.”  Bucky stopped.  “And that is what caught my attention.  What about the ones he doesn’t want us to?”

   Bucky sat down and dropped a file on the table.  Steve was annoyed at the waste of paper when an email would have sufficed, but he indulged Bucky and picked up the file.  

   The first photo was of a dismembered man found in a ditch.  Steve knew the date off the top of his head, July 2nd 2013.  Blake Corenzo.  He was a pig of a man.

   “That is a murder from 2013.  Blake Corenzo.  He was stabbed and chopped post mortem.”  James glared as Steve looked up, waiting for his punchline.  “I think he was the Butcher’s first victim.”

Steve bit back a laugh with expertise.  

“The brutality matches.  But what was missing?”  Steve was curious if the Agent was going to connect the dots.  

“Nothing.”  He sighed and pressed his hand to his forehead.  “Or something we missed.  But I have seven more bodies I believe are connected.  We know that as killers go on they get lazier, think they are unwatchable, but the Butcher, he is different.  We are not going to catch him on a technicality or sloppiness.  He is too good.”  

Steve did enjoy the flattery.  

“We have to find his first kill.  It always starts with someone they know.  Always.”  Bucky had a desperation to his voice.

“So you believe that this Blake Corenzo knew the Butcher?”  Steve watched Bucky struggle to connect the dots, not realizing he was the fish on the hook in this game he was not even aware he was playing.  “Have you told Anthony Stark?”  

“Yes.” The air deflated out of Bucky as he fell back into the couch.  “He told me mandatory session with you before I am cleared to return to work.”  

“If I check my e-mail will there be one from him?  Is that what it will say?”  Steve appreciated the protectiveness Tony had for Bucky. In a way it was as if Stark saw Barnes’ brain as a fragile asset.  One he was constantly concerned was about to break.  

“It will say I can’t go back until you clear me.”  Bucky tried to hide the humiliation.

A man in his 30s being controlled by his boss and therapist as if he were a child.  Steve recognized something in Bucky, an equality almost.  Because Tony Stark’s concern were not without merit.  James Buchanan Barnes did have a brain that could operate like no other and if anyone were to catch the Butcher Steve was certain it was the Agent in front of him.  

“You are obsessing again.”  Steve crossed his legs.  “It is not healthy.  You are getting too involved.  The Butcher hasn’t struck in three months and twice already this year.  It’s likely he will not attack for some time.  You are trying to create leads.”  

“You sound like Tony.”  Bucky scoffed and looked away.  “When I sleep,  I see their faces.”

“Whose faces?”  Steve leaned in, unsure what Bucky was going to say next.  

“The ones, the ones I didn’t save.” Tears glossed over Bucky’s eyes.  “Not the ones who have already died.  The ones who will if I don’t stop him.  Their faces are blurry but they’re pleading with me.”  

“People die every day.  You cannot carry that guilt.  It will destroy you.”  Steve reached for his rx pad.  

“I can’t help the people who die every day, but I can help these people.  If I can stop the Butcher.”  Bucky’s jaw tightened.  

“You keep saying ‘I’ when it is a team effort.  You are not a superhero.  You cannot do this alone.”  Steve wrote out a medication.  

“I have to since none of you will listen to me.  Not Tony, not you.”  Bucky rolled his eyes.  “Even Natasha told me to give it a rest.”  

“Maybe that says something.”  Steve handed Bucky the prescription.  “That will stop the dreams.  Take one before bed and get some sleep.”  

“And then what?”  Bucky looked up, lips parted.  

“And then come and see me in the morning.  Once you are rested we will have a conversation about Blake Corenzo and I will talk to Mr. Stark.”  Steve watched as relief flooded Bucky’s face.  

“Thanks.”  He looked at the prescription before shoving it in his pocket and letting out a yawn.  “And sorry, for what I said earlier about Miranda.  She won’t be able to tarnish your reputation.”  

“I am aware. The most salacious detail I gave her is already public knowledge.”  Steve rose.  “I only regret my own error in judgment.  Now get some sleep.”  

Bucky nodded as they walked to the door.  Steve kept his calm as he let the FBI Agent out.  

Then he walked back to the table and picked up the file.  He set out the photos of the four crime scenes Bucky wanted to tie to the Butcher.  

“Very clever Agent Barnes.”  All of them were done by Steve.  In a way seeing the photos was like revisiting an old friend.  

Corenzo was far from Steve’s first kill though.  He had watched the man use a racial slur and a racist imitation at a dry cleaner.  Another rude person the world did not need.  

Steve flashed back to Miranda’s comment about the human race being lucky to have him.  She was right of course, on more levels than she realized.  He was purging the world of the disgusting people who did not belong.  

After Agent Barnes’ proclamation Miranda Balfour’s name had landed on that list.

~~

Steve was a patient man.  He sometimes marked his victims for years before they met their demise.  

When he got home, to what his visitor’s refered to as architectural magic, he went straight for the kitchen.  It was on the level of any executive chef’s dream.  

He would cook tonight.  Channel his anger over the reporter, but not before adding her name to his list.

He went to the recipe drawer.  It looked more like a filing cabinet, filled with Rolodexes of index cards with carefully printed ingredients and instructions.  He had order them online since the entire world had gone digital.

On the rare occasion he had a guest they poked at his old fashioned nature.  He remembered the first time he had Bucky over for dinner.

“You live in such a modern house, and appear a very modern man, but that recipe system reminds me of my grandmother.”  Bucky laughed as he sipped his wine.

“And I bet your grandmother’s cooking was far superior to your own.”  Steve raised as eyebrow as Bucky frowned.

The memory vanished as Steve pulled out the Rolodex he wanted.  This one did not have recipes, it was for its original purpose, filled with business card collected over the years.  

He grabbed one at random.  Donna Chung.  He closed his eyes and remembered her behavior,  the way she was screaming at her child in the grocery store.  The child could have been no more than three and was crying over not being able to drop a quarter in a donation box.  

“You get nothing from that.  Here I’ll buy you a candy bar instead.”  

Steve followed her home that night.  Googled the address and the next day walked into her real estate office.  He picked up a business card and dropped her in his Rolodex.  That was almost eighteen months ago.  

She was not a candidate for a butcher murder.  Besides, the day left Steve uninspired.  But still he set her card to the side.  

He picked up an empty one and wrote the name Miranda Balfour, along with the phony one she had given him and the contact e-mail.  Then he closed up the Rolodex and put it back in its place.  

Steve poured a glass of wine and walked over to his computer.  He fired up the laptop.  

Grabbing a remote he turned on the fireplace and some music as he sat on his overly plush blue sofa.  Calm colors was what his interior designer recommended.   He was grateful for that advice.  She was someone who brought beauty to the world.  

As soon as Steve typed Miranda Balfour into the search her blog popped up first thing.  The title was “Miranda’s Macabre Museum”.  

Steve rolled his eyes as he went to the first post.  It was from two days ago.  

Murder

Victim:  Lawrence Engle

Death:  Stab wounds

Date:  April 12th, 1985

Location:  Mobile, Alabama

What followed was a summary of the facts.  Steve was expecting more of a tattle-tale type scenario.  But he did not see anything salacious.  If anything it was very matter-of-fact with little insight.  

At the end there were links to photos with appropriate warnings and links to sources.

Then there was a section titled editorial.  

“Here we go.”  Steve readied to read the sordid opinion.

The motive in this murder was money.  While the law, for the most part, disregards the motive as important to the trial my long time readers know I disagree.  Until we change as a society and value human life over finances we will be doomed to see unnecessary killings as this continue to happen.  That does not mean the killer should be pardoned for his crime because society as a whole is at fault.  On the contrary.  He is part of the problem and should be punished.  

Sentence:  Death by lethal injection.

“Interesting.”  Steve found his mind going back to his initial opinion of Miranda or whatever her name was.

He noticed a search option on her blog and typed in his name.  Several posts on Canary victims came up, but he found he was only mentioned in the source articles or the summary.  

He did the same for Agent Barnes and saw the results light up.  He scrolled the posts for the highlighted name and came across a murder from three years ago.  

Editorial:   The lead Agent on this case has shown textbook narcissism.  His attempt to relate to the killer to solve the crime failed here, because the murder was not about him, but he found a way to make it so.  The last victim’s death would have been preventable if Agent Barnes listened to anyone but himself.

“That explains Bucky’s dislike.”  Steve shut the laptop and pinched his eyes shut.

When he googled the first name, multiple stories came up that were as she said human interest pieces.  Did she lie just to get the interview?  Pose as the other woman?  

Lie.  What difference did it make?  She was a liar and had earned a spot in his Rolodex.  

This one felt personal though.  In a way Steve did not enjoy.  She made him feel...comfortable.  Or made him feel something.  The way her eyes were so inquisitive and she seemed to hang on every work with genuine interest.  When in fact he was intentionally trying to bore her.  

That would not stand.  This woman would not sit in the Rolodex for years.  Her time would be shorter.  Steve stood up from the couch and went back to the kitchen.  He picked up Donna Chung’s card and returned it with the other, instead setting the card he’d just drafted on the counter.  

He would start tomorrow.

~~

A/N:  Thank you so much for reading!  I really appreciate every like/comment/reblog!  I haven’t done a series in a long time so I am excited!  And if you didn’t figure it out this is....

Hannibal AU :).