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the-redeemed-anon · 3 years

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Welp, since we got Wilbur back, let’s take a look at Eight

As a disclaimer, I’ll talk about the character, and if I mention the CC, I will label his name accordingly.

Okay, since the pog thing that happened on the 29th of April, and a couple of bad takes have already started to pop up Jesus Christ guys why do you want the dude that just got back to life after being trapped in limbo for over a decade to get beaten up violently- I think it’s appropriate to bring attention to the thing that gave me my pseudonym and my belief that we may get a redemption/healing arc for Wilbur: the song Eight, by Sleeping at Last.

Why this song matters, you may wonder. Well, it’s a song that we have confirmation to have been CC!Wilbur’s personal inspiration for his character, as said by CC!Wilbur himself. Not only does that give us insight into how and why Wilbur acted in certain ways in Season 1, but it also gives us the opportunity to see the inner turmoil he went through and still will.

Now keep in mind that this is just my interpretation of the song, other people may see the song differently, but overall looking at this song and looking for meaning into it I think is very useful if you plan to analyse Wilbur or even write about him. It truly gives you a lot of insight and context for how he was. Here is a link to it for you to listen to it, before I dive into the analysis.

First, let’s see what Eight is about, as a song. The song is about Type Eight of the Enneagram of Personality, which is basically a system that defines 9 different personality types. Sleeping at Last made a song for each Enneagram, actually, but we’re here to talk about Type 8 (also bear in mind I am not an expert in psychology, so I am not here to comment on the validity of this system. I’m here just to analyze a song lol).

What is Type 8 (aka a bit of analysis on Wilbur outside of the song)

Type 8 is often called the Challenger or the Protector. This type is characterized by a want to not show vulnerability, to have power. Their deepest fear is to not be in control of themselves, to be harmed, to be vulnerable, and their desire is to be in control of themselves, their life/destiny. They want respect over status, value loyalty and they want to make an impact on the world. You can start to see some core characteristics of Wilbur in this description.

We also have levels, from healthy to unhealthy, with which we can see what a Type 8 person can behave like.

Healthy Type 8 people act like a protector for others, they are the strong leaders, the challengers of oppression, the people who don’t stand for injustice in their communities. You can say they are the natural leader type, and I think you can start to see inklings of Wilbur’s personality from early Season 1 here. He started L’Manberg to challenge what he saw as tyranny. When Wilbur described the reasons he cared about L’Manberg, we can also notice that the values he lists align with the core desires of a Type 8: the desire to have control over their life, and not allow others to control them. By making L’Manberg to “stick it to the man“, Wilbur is very stereotypically a Type 8.

Average Type 8 people aren’t as open as someone on the healthy level is. Showing weakness is unacceptable. They may see relationships as the next challenge they need to surpass, and can come easily off as intimidating and ambitious to peers. To me, this sounds a bit like Wilbur after the War, before the announcement of the Festival. He was more closed off around that time, and you could argue that the Elections were a part of his ambition to prove that people respect him, that he can do this, rule a country. The new revelation that Wilbur was lying in his letters to Phil, about the Elections and the formation of Pogtopia also shows that he didn’t want to show weakness, to disappoint or worry his father.

Unhealthy Type 8 people become so closed off that they are intimidating and can appear tyrannical from the outside, often disregarding the feelings of others. They pursue power, and when someone stands in their way, they are cold and become quite antagonistic. They may issue empty threats in their pursuit for power, and their already existing relationships are turned into tests, where the only option is to pass or to fail, with no in-between. This can result in them being abandoned, and them accepting this as being better this way, to be alone. They can force themselves into loneliness.

If this sounds terribly familiar and recent, well... Wilbur, ever since the “Then let’s be the bad guys“ speech, has exhibited the traits of an unhealthy Type 8. Even now, post-resurrection, while he is trying to improve on himself, a lot of his traits remain or have worsened, due to staying in limbo for 13 years. He still has a persona under which he hides his issues, and as I have said in another post, he’s the emotional equivalent of a snail, you poke him gently and he completely retreats in his shell. Wilbur has actively driven people away from him for being so confrontational, and this can be seen again with Ranboo. All in all, Wilbur is definitely cozy in that section of the Type for now.

I also want to talk separately about three things:

1. The Pit

I won’t lie, the Pit is probably the most extreme thing Wilbur did to this date. It’s Wilbur at his lowest point morally and mentally, reveling in his brother figure fighting a much tougher opponent and losing. I won’t sit here and say he was right, nor am I gonna condemn you for your opinion on the Pit, but, when you look at Wilbur’s enneagram, the Pit and why it happened makes sense. What happened right before? The Festival. The Festival was meant to be the time Wilbur either blew up Manberg or left it be, based on Tubbo’s call. Wilbur prepared for those two scenarios, and felt in control of the situation... then it all went horribly wrong. The situation spiraled wildly out of Wilbur’s grasp and it ended with the death of Tubbo and the possibility of Techno being on Schlatt’s side.

This started a breakdown fueled by paranoia that led to the Pit, to Wilbur goading Techno and Tommy to fight. The question is, why? Why do that?

To regain control. Wilbur, in my opinion, did that in an attempt to regain control, after the Festival slipped so hard from his grasp, no matter his effort to keep control of it. That was his urge, that was his need in the moment, no matter how messed up it was, he may have felt like this was necessary. Remember, the core fear of Eights is to not be in control of their own life and destiny, to be puppeteered by someone else. This is why the Pit happened, when you acknowledge the fact that Wilbur was unstable mentally, and he is the type of person to want control.

2. The want to protect others

This is a quality of healthy Eights that still shines through with Wilbur, but it’s sadly overshadowed by his more antagonistic or morally darker actions and quotes.

Wilbur was naturally a protective person. Because Eights challenge authority, this makes them see the world as being inhabited by those who are strong and those who are weak, and not in a bad way. Eights consider themselves part of the strong ones, because they stand up for themselves, but because they see the world also inhabited by the weak, they have the urge to protect them. They also stand up for whom they think can’t stand up for themselves on their own, they think they are responsible for the protection of others.

And when you look at Wilbur, this shines through. He made himself President, and while no one protested, he did it because he felt he was the one fit for the role. Even at the time this scene happened, you can see why Wilbur would have perceived Tommy, Tubbo and Fundy as weaker than him: Fundy was his son, and Tommy and Tubbo, no matter the age intended at the time, were always viewed as younger than him, not to say, Tommy had just lost 2 lives back-to-back. Therefore, Wilbur put himself in charge and with the duty to protect the nation and its people, as the President.

Wilbur even says this in the flashback from Quackity’s stream:

[“What has made you do everything you’ve done up to this point?” (Quackity)

“That’s a- That’s a big question. Um. I guess it’s just protection for my people. I mean, I- I- I just want to see them thrive, and I want to see them safe.” (Alivebur) - (Quackity’s Killing My Enemies: 1:03:02, 12th Apr)]

It’s clear, Wilbur has a desire to protect his nation, and, by extension, his people, his friends, especially with the following quote once Quackity replies: [“Your aspirations of optimism are not going to be subject to my nation’s security I’m afraid. I- I completely disagree with everything you’ve said.” - (Quackity’s Killing My Enemies: 1:05:18, 12th Apr)] He keeps hammering in the idea that he did what he did to protect and offer safety to his friends. That’s why he needed power: [“If you want to really help people, you’re gonna need power, Quackity.” - (Quackity’s Killing My Enemies: 1:05:42, 12th Apr)]

And again, this happens even after the “Then let’s be the bad guys“ speech. Even though he initially says he wants to kill everyone at the Festival, when confronted with this on the day of the event, he second-guesses himself. He doesn’t want to hurt his friends, he doesn’t want to hurt people weaker than him. He distrusts Tubbo, but the moment Techno fires the first rocket, he’s shocked, appalled and moves to go to the button, while urging Tommy to act. When Schlatt wants to kill Niki, he steps out and offers himself to be killed and no one else be harmed.

Even the act of pushing the button himself, there are Wilbur analysts who have pointed out that Wilbur may have wanted to be stopped. And even then, the explosion created no casualties, thanks to all of them wearing armor.

In the Void, Wilbur talks about how he’s evil, how the server is better off without him. He recognizes himself as a hazard, and while that is a part of his self-loathing and hatred, you can also see his care for others shine through: he didn’t want to come back at the time, because he thought he would bring back conflict, suffering [“Here’s the thing, I genuinely think, if it weren’t for me and you dying right, the server would be in shambles. I know for a fact that if I come back, or if I’m brought back to life in some way it’s definitely gonna just go [shit again]” “I know what I’m like, that’s the issue.” - (Tommy’s am i dead?: 10:29, 4th March)]. By staying dead, at this point, he was continuing to prevent weaker people from being harmed.

Even now, post-resurrection, we can see this, but, well...

3. Opinion on Dream

I have looked at this before, from the angle of Wilbur’s mentality. We all know his opinion on Dream so far, that he would have killed him on the spot for what happened to Tommy in the Exile, but Wilbur still considers him his hero. While I said at the time that it may be a subtle way for Wilbur to cloak his self-loathing and self-hatred, but now I want to look at the first part again, from the perspective of Type 8:

Wilbur, by having the urge to kill Dream on the spot, for what he did to Tommy in Exile (and, keep in mind, Ghostbur wasn’t there for all of it, so Wilbur did not see the destruction of Logsted and why it happened, or how Tommy was completely isolated from everyone after the party, and Tommy referred to Dream as his owner to Mexican Dream), no matter what he says after about Dream, proves that he still has the quality to want to protect the weak.

Dream, as always, is one of the strong people of the server. He’s the owner, he has a lot of items and good gear, and in general, everyone recognizes him with a level of danger he presents, and power. Tommy, on the other hand, is one of the weaker ones.

While Tommy has valuable traits, like his loyalty, his fierce determination and the will to keep moving despite how low life kicks him at times, one can’t deny that, in general, Tommy is viewed as one of the weak. He doesn’t have that many powerful items, he isn’t physically that strong, people constantly pick on him, and he is one of the minors of the server, the youngest of them, in fact. Add to that the humiliation of Exile and the treatment he was put through, Tommy was not only at his weakest then, but also at his most vulnerable.

Why would it be a surprise then for Wilbur to want to gut Dream, considering the above? Tommy and Wilbur were very close. As Wilbur acknowledged in the latest stream: [“We were a family, Tommy. We were…” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 27:26, 5th May)], they were once so close they could have been brothers. Tommy stuck with Wilbur as a right hand man, he was the only one who didn’t give up on him in Pogtopia, no matter if he thought his choices were right or wrong, and Wilbur confided in Tommy a lot. Now take this little brother figure he had in Tommy, and put him through Exile.

Of course Wilbur would want to gut Dream, Tommy may as well be part of his family, and Wilbur doesn’t strike me as the kind to want his loved ones in pain, genuinely. He may dismiss the feelings Tommy has sometimes, but his reaction to Exile shows that he isn’t blind to suffering. He saw it and recognized as harmful and damaging to Tommy, unprompted by anyone else.

He even makes a comment that I think may be important in the future: [“Tommy, I’m not, I’m not- I wasn’t blind, I saw what he was doing to you, Tommy. I saw. I saw what he was doing to Tubbo. I saw what he did to me.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 21:08, 5th May)]. Remember, Wilbur right now is deeply conflicted, I don’t think he’s properly sorted his feelings on Dream yet. He, in this quote, recognizes he saw how Dream treated Tommy, Tubbo and himself. While Eights want to protect the weak, their core fear is being controlled or harmed by others. I am very curious what will happen if, or, when, Wilbur will decide that Dream is also a hazard to himself, or if Dream will try to use Wilbur for his own plans. But, this is starting to deviate from the purpose of this post so, with that out of the way...

The lyrics:

I remember the minute It was like a switch was flipped I was just a kid who grew up strong enough To pick this armor up And suddenly it fit

Here, Wilbur’s arc and story begins. The lyric recount the moment Wilbur’s spiral began: the Final Control Room. He remembers that betrayal up to his death, still calling Eret a traitor and quoting him, with the same quote he used: “It was never meant to be”. This moment is what will define and shape Wilbur throughout Season 1, and even now. The switch mentioned is the button pressed, the moment everything changed. “I was just a kid” is Wilbur recognizing that he was not ready for the role of President, sentiment reflected by the rest of the lyrics: “who grew up strong enough/To pick this armor up”. Wilbur forced himself to bear the title of president, like a suit of armor, something that protects you, and helps you to fight for others, until “suddenly it fit”.

God, that was so long ago, long ago, long ago I was little, I was weak and perfectly naive And I grew up too quick

Here Wilbur internally recognizes that time passed, his ideology changed, as evident the quotes from Quackity’s stream: [“You say, you say everyone has a good side, Quackity. And you’re right, you’re right, everyone has a good side, but that good side is only there to help themselves. If you want to really help people, you’re gonna need power, Quackity. You can make a movement, you can make a resistance, right, you can go out and you can come back, and they’ll give you a ticker tape parade. They’ll cheer for you in the streets, but you will change nothing. If you have a revolution, everyone will hate you, you will sacrifice everything, and you will lose everything you’ve ever had, but you’ll come back and everything will be changed. And Quackity, if you want to change things, you’re gonna need power. That’s what you want, really, isn’t it? Look at me. And power isn’t gaining from diplomacy, and bureaucracy, and giant courthouses suspended in the sky, blah blah blah. It’s gained from swords, Quackity. It’s gained from blades, it’s gained from steel, iron. Even if everyone has this good side that you’re talking about, then anyone who wants to prove it, has to show their dark side first. You’re going to have to kill, you’re going to have to torture, you’re going to have to maim.” - (Quackity’s Killing My Enemies: 1:06:34, 12th Apr)]. Yet, even if this happened so “long ago, long ago, long ago”, he “grew up too quick”, because the change was too sudden, and it didn’t occur naturally.

Now you won't see all that I have to lose And all I've lost in the fight to protect it I won't let you in, I swore never again I can't afford, no, I refuse to be rejected

I think this verse refers to the Election and its fallout. He quite literally loses a lot on that day, not only his country and his second life, but seemingly, his son, because Fundy takes down the walls. Wilbur also lost a lot in the Independence War, as he lost his first life in there, his son and allies lost their lives too, and this created the perfect environment for paranoia around trust to form. Wilbur, at this point, swears to not let himself be vulnerable with anyone again, or to fully trust people, because of what happened in the Final Control Room and at the Elections. The last line is Wilbur deciding to go ahead and start Pogtopia, to reclaim his nation. As you may remember, the Election was held so that Wilbur could legitimize his presidency, because he felt people started to not listen to him anymore, and an election, in his mind, would have fixed that. Due to his paranoia, and depression, Wilbur couldn’t afford to lose, because the presidency was one of the things that gave him happiness and helped him function. Once he lost and was banished, he decided to strike back and take back the country, or, as the lyrics say, “I refuse to be rejected”.

I want to break these bones 'til they're better I want to break them right and feel alive You were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong My healing needed more than time

People who’ve broken a bone before may be familiar with this, but there is a possibility for a broken bone to heal incorrectly, so, when that happens, the bone is broken again and you try again. What that lyric means is that Wilbur was not healing properly, and he was constantly damaging himself again, to restart the process, to make his bones stronger, to make himself better. The “feel alive“ part, in my opinion, goes hand in hand with the fact that Wilbur was... not in the best place mentally in that time. We all know how he died, and, to be honest, a lot of the morally bad things Wilbur did could be argued to have been done to give him something to live, be it thrill or satisfaction. The last two lyrics, I feel, are directed to Tommy; Wilbur needed more than just time to “come back around“, and we know how Season 1 ended.

Now, this may be a controversial take, but... This is the end of Wilbur’s Season 1 arc. I think this is as far as Wilbur’s parallel to Eight went in Season 1, it’s the Pogtopia Era, up to November 16th. You may say that it’s his unfinished son- *gunshots*

Okay, okay, but what does that mean for the rest of the song? Well... It could be that either CC!Wilbur will stop with the Eight parallels here, or, the version I like, it means that the rest of the song is a hint for insight into how Wilbur feels and how his character will change in the future.

When I see fragile things, helpless things, broken things I see the familiar I was little, I was weak, I was perfect, too Now I'm a broken mirror

This is Wilbur recognizing that he is not okay, internally, which we know is a thing in canon, because of this quote from the Resurrection stream: [”Are you trying to- Are you trying to make me- Tommy, are you trying to make me- You remember that time in the cave? Are you trying- Are you trying do- Are you trying to make me feel like I did back then, in Pogtopia? Are you trying to- Are you trying to make me feel as bad as I did back then? ‘Cause it’s not gonna work!” - (Tommy’s Breaking Into Prison To Kill Dream: 59:06, 29th Apr)] It’s a great step for Wilbur, afterall, healing starts when you recognize you have a problem, so you can begin fixing it, but, as we know...

But I can't let you see all that I have to lose All I've lost in the fight to protect it I can't let you in, I swore never again I can't afford to let myself be blindsided

Wilbur is the emotional equivalent of a snail. Here we see “Snailbur” doing a reprise of the third paragraph, which I linked to him in the Election Era and its fallout. From the way the lyrics are worded, we can see the how similar they are, but there is a difference: reluctance. Wilbur knows he’s not okay, but he can’t reach out for help, because then, he’ll be showing weakness, but he wants to open up. “Now” becomes “but”, “I won’t let you in” becomes “I can’t let you in”. Now he’s not afraid of rejection, he doesn’t want to be blindsided, which I didn’t know at first what it meant, because my native language is not English, but when I looked it up I came across this definition: “to surprise someone, usually with harmful results”. This shows us something important: Wilbur is hiding his true feelings because he’s afraid to not be hurt again. He doesn’t want another Final Control Room or Election to happen to him.

I'm standing guard, I'm falling apart And all I want is to trust you Show me how to lay my sword down For long enough to let you through

This set confirms it, Wilbur is on the defense now, he’s defending from potential hurt, and the second part of the first lyric is hinting at what a lot of Wilbur analysts have pointed out and we are prepping for: Wilbur having a big crash from the high he’s experiencing from getting resurrected, he’ll be “falling apart“, he’ll be vulnerable, and open to hurt, or... Redemption. This is it. This is the section that made me insist and theorize about a redemption/healing arc: that second lyric, continuing with the rest: Wilbur is reaching out to someone or some people, that he can put his trust to. Wilbur doesn’t just need someone willing to redeem him, because we had that in Pogtopia, with Tommy, no, Wilbur also needs himself to open up, trust people and ask for help. And that is exactly what happens in the last two lyrics: Wilbur is asking for help to open up and let people help him.

Here I am, pry me open What do you want to know? I'm just a kid who grew up scared enough To hold the door shut And bury my innocence But here's a map, here's a shovel Here's my Achilles' heel

And here we have it. Wilbur opening up. Wilbur finally letting someone in, admitting he’s scared, he’s scared of hurting again, comparing himself to a kid. This one I find very symbolic, because if he, at the beginning, was a kid, then by admitting he is a kid at this stage, he’s the same person he was at the beginning, with the good he had, with the flaws he had, what he did and the trauma he gained will never erase that. The innocence in this part of the song, I think is Ghostbur. People forget, but while Ghostbur seems to be a separate entity, he’s still very much a version of Wilbur. He has a lot of his memories, his happy ones. Wilbur and Ghostbur are the two sides of the same coin, different, yet so much alike. You need both to understand the other. Wilbur has the capacity to be innocent, to be kind, good, he just... buried these qualities, and someone has to help him dig them up, when he is ready to open up. I don’t think I need to explain the meaning of someone showing you their Achilles’ heel, beside the fact that it means they trust you with their life. Wilbur needs to find someone to trust.

I'm all in, palms out I'm at your mercy now and I'm ready to begin I am strong, I am strong, I am strong enough to let you in

Here, I think we see Wilbur accepting the consequences of his actions, of the hurt he caused, because, while he’s not irredeemable, he did hurt people, and he needs to be open to them not forgiving them, but, as the song says, just then he’ll be “ready to begin” his healing and redemption. And right at the end there, “I am strong” is repeated thrice, he’s ready to heal, to be vulnerable with someone. It’s the redemption in full swing from here to the end.

I'ma shake the ground with all my might And I will pull my whole heart up to the surface For the innocent, for the vulnerable And I'll show up on the front lines with a purpose

Remember what I said, about healthy Eights? Champions of the people, natural leaders, challengers of oppression and protectors of the weak? This is what Wilbur should become at the end of the redemption, if we are to follow the song. He’s gonna put all of his strength into fighting for what’s right, and he’ll open up, he will heal. We’ll be back to fighting for “the innocent, for the vulnerable”, he’ll have a purpose to fulfill. L’Manberg was deeply tied to both Wilbur and Ghostbur, and Wilbur himself admitted to caring about L’Manberg because what it stood for. Now, L’Manberg is gone, but those ideals aren’t. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll fight in the future to protect those ideals.

And, finally:

And I'll give all I have, I'll give my blood, give my sweat An ocean of tears will spill for what is broken I'm shattered porcelain, glued back together again Invincible like I've never been

I really like the end here. Because, it’s not only reinforcing the idea that Wilbur will be redeemed, but that penultimate lyric always stood out for me: “I'm shattered porcelain, glued back together again”. Porcelain is, while very fragile, a beautiful material. When I think of the word, I think of beautiful vases, handcrafted with skill and care. It’s a shame when a porcelain vase breaks. But, just because something is broken, it doesn’t mean it can’t be repaired. And when I think of repaired porcelain, I think of the Japanese art of kintsugi - a technique with which broken pottery is glued in such a way that the cracks aren’t hidden, but celebrated as a part of the object’s history, by filling them in with gold. I like to think that at the end of his healing arc, Wilbur will be similar, he was broken, he healed, but the scars are still there, and, even then, he’ll be thriving again. It’ll be an experience that, overall, helped him become better. And the final lyric: “Invincible like I've never been“, I like to think that this will be him at his peak: healed, happy, ready to take life by the horns, like he wasn’t before. It’s a hopeful, happy note to finish the song and his story on.

And that is my analysis on the song and the enneagram, I guess (Jesus this got waaay longer than I expected). I really hope Wilbur will get a redemption arc, it’s already wonderful that we have him back AND he wants to live (it’s honestly the first time I see, in any media, a suicide victim that not only is brought back to life, but they are happy to be back). Hopefully this is useful to people, and, as always, thanks to @kateis-cakeis for compiling Wilbur’s/Ghostbur’s quotes in a masterlist with timestamps and anything you’d want to know about them. It’s a goldmine of analyzing Wilbur and I highly encourage you to check it out.

#dream smp #dsmp #wilbur soot #dsmp wilbur #dream smp analysis #dmp analysis #dream smp character analysis #dsmp character analysis #finally... after 3000 years... the Eight analysis is complete #this took so long I am sorry lmao #now I can go focus on schoolwork #and before someone says it I'll say it #snailbur effervescent

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spnfanficpond · 4 years

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Pond Diving - Supernatural-Jackles

Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!

Want to volunteer, send us an ask! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.

“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You

Name: Jen

Age: 24

Location: Ontario, Canada

URL: @supernatural-jackles

Why did you choose your URL: I wanted a Supernatural theme for my blog when I started watching it and Jensen Ackles just happens to be my favourite on there so it became that.

What inspired you to become a writer: I’ve always enjoyed stories. I’ve loved the aspect of taking your mind to a whole other world and living in it. As I grew up and continued reading, my love for stories became stronger and stronger. I fell in love with characters and places. I wanted to always have a way to go back to those places and take other people to those places. I wanted to create stories for others to fall in love with the way I fell in love with them.

How long have you been writing: I have been writing since I was 8 or 9.

What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc? Right now, my Nintendo switch is a good friend of mine. Due to the virus, I spend a lot of my time inside when I’m not at work. I’m either writing, working, sleeping or playing switch.

How long have you been in the SPN Fandom? Since 2012

Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? I am in the Harry Potter fandom, and Marvel. I don’t write for them though. I don’t feel the same way about the characters as I do with the SPN Fandom.

Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it? I have been working on my novel for the last two years on and off. I just find a lot more joy in writing Supernatural fanfiction at the moment, so my soul focus has stayed on that.

Favorite published author: Margaret Atwood or John Green

Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?: There was this one book I read. I was about 18 at the time I believe. All The Bright Places by Jennifer Niven. A very triggering book, just so you know. I remember sitting there reading it and wondering why I’m putting myself through something so draining and daunting. The book was very upsetting and I found it didn’t tackle the issues at hand in a very tasteful and realistic way. As someone who writes fanfiction about mental health, it influenced me to be open and honest about the way reality is, but in a way that would shine more positively towards mental health struggles. I never wanted to be that person who ruined every mental health book for someone else like that author did for me. It was a negative impact, but I think it had some positive results.

Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc): I enjoy all genres to be honest. It really all depends on the mood I’m in that day. It’s fun to switch it up every once in a while and enjoy the mixed emotions you get when you read or write said genre.

Favorite piece of your own writing: One and One Make Three or Just Want to Be Loved.

Most underrated fic you have written: I might have to say More Than a Fling. It was the sequel to Summer Fling and everyone was interested in a second series. It soon went on permanent hiatus due to lack of interest.

Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Owe You One

Favorite Tumblr Writer(s): @luci-in-trenchcoats, @kaz-2y5imagines, @jawritter @mariekoukie6661, @torn-and-frayed

Favorite fic from another writer: Breathe by @luci-in-trenchcoats

Favorite character to write: Dean/Jensen

Favorite Pairing to write: Undecided. I love reader inserts and I haven’t done many pairings other than that. I have toyed with Jensen/Reader/Danneel before and I enjoy writing them.

Least favorite character to write (and why): Castiel. We only see so much of Cas and there aren’t as many complex layers of him so he’s harder for me to explore.

Do you have anyone you consider a mentor? @luci-in-trenchcoats

Do you have any aspirations involving your writing? Finish everything I start, and be proud of every piece I create.

How many work-in-progress stories do you have: Ummm probably upwards to the mid 60’s I want to say.

What are you currently working on? I am in the very early stages of writing a Jensen x Reader Bodyguard AU series. Twisty and turny and very different from what I usually write, but still very me.

“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing

What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing? I have the biggest influence on my writing for the most part. I always stick with what I want to write and what I’d love to read. That’s what gets me started on most pieces. My dear best friend who shall remain anonymous, has an influence on me as well. She mostly inspires me to write what I want to write and reminds me on a constant basis that I am doing good and to keep going with my ideas.

Best writing advice you've been given: Don’t be afraid to get a little out of your comfort zone.

Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Time management mostly. Deadlines are not my best friend, that’s for sure. I am often filled with a lot of self-doubt when it comes to getting things done on time. Then I wonder if it’s good enough for publishing or if I should wait.

What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? The research process for certain fics can be daunting. Especially if you don’t know where you need to start looking. Then fact checking, and making sure it works in the story. I have to remind myself that it will be worth it in the end.

Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): I am pretty open with writing most of the things I want to. Getting out of my comfort zone is something I regularly do. It’s always fun to challenge yourself into writing something you’d never think of doing. I certainly have enjoyed the things I was scared to try and it was worth it in the end.

What inspires/motivates you to write: Any selfie/picture posted by Jensen. My best friend and the lovely people around me. @luci-in-trenchcoats is a big influence on me and she always keeps me going!

How do you deal with self doubt: I constantly have to remind myself to get out of that headspace unless I am writing about being in that headspace. It’s a hard cycle to break. Reminding myself that what I am doing is making me happy. I’m making the rules. I’m writing this for me. I have to please myself first and that’s what matters the most. I know myself and the way I write, and that is enough. That’s what I keep on repeat in my head.

How do you deal with writer's block: Cry profusely? I’m kidding. Writer’s block for me, usually comes from something I don’t like that I have written. If it’s minor, I go back to the point where I was happy with where the story was going and delete everything after that. Give it a fresh new start and prospective. If the block is more severe, I take a break. Watch a movie and don’t stress myself about it. I get ideas anywhere, and it will come back eventually. Sometimes it’s just your brain's way of saying “hey, you need to take a break. Do that.”

Do you plan/outline your story before you start: Generally yes. I like to know where my story is going. Most of the time my outlines are more extensive rough drafts. It’s a way of processing my thoughts and writing them down so I don’t forget later. It’s a lot more fun for me to build on stories.

Do you have any weird writing habits: I either have to sit in a silent room, or I have to listen to music. Lately it’s been more silent. It depends on the subject.

Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it? I’ve received my share of hateful comments. Each one sucks, I’m not going to lie. Knowing that there is someone out there that hates the way you wrote something so much that they had to tell you isn’t nice. It kind of comes back to the self doubt thing. You have to remind yourself that this is one person’s not so kind opinion. You are the writer, you are in control of this story. This is you and you’re proud of this.

Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic? Any feedback is my favourite feedback. Every heart, every “I love this”. Every “You’re my favourite.” I can’t pick a favourite. If someone can take the time out to say they’ve loved something I have written and that it meant a lot to them, then that's the best reward I can get.

If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be? Keep writing everyday! You don’t see it now but the more you write, the better you get.

#pond diving #pond diving: supernatural-jackles #spnfanficpond

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welllpthisishappening · 3 years

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Welllp These Are Books: the April 2021 Edition

I did not read Romeo and Juliet this month. I read a bunch of other books. Like, a bunch. More than one series. Because Big Bang burnout is real and grown adults missing their deadlines is a real good way to stress me out. So, I read a bunch. Good books, very bad books, books that caused limbs to flail. For positive and not-so-positive reasons. Naturally, all those reasons must be shared. Under the cut with occasionally long and rant-prone reviews, as well as spoilers. Beware of spoilers under the cut. Please keep telling me what to read, internet. My library wish list is almost comically long now.

GIVE ME ALL THE WORLD BUILDING AND SNARK AND FIGHTING! WITH MAGIC! AND SWORDS! IT’S MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!

Shades of Magic Series by V.E. Schwab

Kell is one of the last Antari—magicians with a rare, coveted ability to travel between parallel Londons; Red, Grey, White, and, once upon a time, Black. After an exchange goes awry, Kell escapes to Grey London and runs into Delilah Bard, a cut-purse with lofty aspirations. Now perilous magic is afoot, and treachery lurks at every turn. To save all of the worlds, they'll first need to stay alive.

— Picture it, approximately twelve forty-seven am. My husband is asleep. I am reading. The second book in this series ends. And I say, right out loud, at what might now be twelve forty-eight am, HOLY SHIT IT JUST ENDED. Justin thought we were under attack. No man has ever snapped awake quicker. He was not pleased. At least not in the same way that I was about these books. Which I goddamn LOVED. Loved. The world building. The magic. The banter. Rhy and Kell’s relationship. Once more. RHY AND KELL’S RELATIONSHIP. Which I might have cared about more than the romance??? Maybe??? I cannot get over how good this world building was. I know people have quips with it, and that’s fair. I saw the “twist” coming in the first book, and I think trying to preserve that left some plot holes that are understandably frustrating. Because Lilah definitely needed depth perception to fight as well as she did. Also did Schwab really refer to her as a cross dresser in her author’s note? Yikes. She wore a dude’s jacket, like—c’mon V.E. Other than that though. I loved it. Also shout out to @peglegsjones for suggesting this one in my 2020 post and call out to me for taking so long to read it.

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price—and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker. Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can't pull it off alone. . . . A convict with a thirst for revenge. A sharpshooter who can't walk away from a wager. A runaway with a privileged past. A spy known as the Wraith. A Heartrender using her magic to survive the slums. A thief with a gift for unlikely escapes. Six dangerous outcasts. One impossible heist. Kaz's crew is the only thing that might stand between the world and destruction—if they don't kill each other first.

— I’ve talked about how little I cared about anything that happened in Shadow and Bone before, but I kept seeing gifs of the Crows in the Netflix show and my brain was like: huh, I could like them. So, after some help from the very helpful internet, I’m happy to report I do in fact like them. At one point, I slunk into the couch. Like that’s how overcome with emotion I was. Kaz ripped a dude’s eye out! For Inej! Matthias loved Nina’s laugh! I would like to hug Jesper. Seriously, this hit all my high points and world building and banter and I lol’ed at “scheming face.” I would like my hold to come through faster on the sequel.

THEY DID NOT CALL INTERMISSION HALFTIME AND MY COLLEGE EXPERIENCE WAS WAY DIFFERENT THAN THESE KIDS

The Off Campus Series by Elle Kennedy

Hannah Wells has finally found someone who turns her on. But while she might be confident in every other area of her life, she’s carting around a full set of baggage when it comes to sex and seduction. If she wants to get her crush’s attention, she’ll have to step out of her comfort zone and make him take notice…even if it means tutoring the annoying, childish, cocky captain of the hockey team in exchange for a pretend date. All Garrett Graham has ever wanted is to play professional hockey after graduation, but his plummeting GPA is threatening everything he’s worked so hard for. If helping a sarcastic brunette make another guy jealous will help him secure his position on the team, he’s all for it. But when one unexpected kiss leads to the wildest sex of both their lives, it doesn’t take long for Garrett to realize that pretend isn’t going to cut it. Now he just has to convince Hannah that the man she wants looks a lot like him.

— The first book in this series was free on Amazon. So, I read it. And really liked it??? It was so chock full of cliches and badly written tropes and Garrett probably should have accepted that Hannah didn’t want to go out at the start, but like—he was cute? And as we all know I am TRASH™ for stories set in the same verse, so, like, I just kept reading these trashy college hockey books. Trashy is a compliment here. God, these kids had so much sex. So much. An incredible amount, really. I once had a guy tell me he was physically attracted to me, but not emotionally attracted to me in college. Like, that was my college experience. The first and second books were the best, I think. I didn’t really like Dean that much.

MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS A RABBI???

The Intimacy Experiement by Rosie Danan

Naomi Grant has built her life around going against the grain. After the sex-positive start-up she cofounded becomes an international sensation, she wants to extend her educational platform to live lecturing. Unfortunately, despite her long list of qualifications, higher ed won't hire her. Ethan Cohen has recently received two honors: LA Mag nominated him as one of the city's hottest bachelors and he became rabbi of his own synagogue. Low on both funds and congregants, the executive board of Ethan's new shul hired him with the hopes that his nontraditional background will attract more millennials to the faith. They've given him three months to turn things around or else they'll close the doors of his synagogue for good. Naomi and Ethan join forces to host a buzzy seminar series on Modern Intimacy, the perfect solution to their problems--until they discover a new one--their growing attraction to each other. They've built the syllabus for love's latest experiment, but neither of them expected they'd be the ones putting it to the test.

— Ok, I know that sounds bad. Again, I’m a creature of predictable habit and this was the sequel to The Roommate, which I absolutely LOVED last year. But where as the relationship in that one was kind of swoony, this one was...I don’t know, really. Everyone was a well-rounded character and the plot was good, but there was this semi-invisible something that made it difficult for me to get fully on board with the whole story. Honestly, it might be because he was a religious figure?? Also, they got together real quick. Like zero to sixty in twenty-six seconds flat.

I KNOW IT’S BAD, IT WAS BAD AND YET—I CANNOT STOP READING IT???

Too Wild to Tame by Tessa Bailey

Sometimes you just can't resist playing with fire . . . By day, Aaron Clarkson suits up, shakes hands, and acts the perfect gentleman. But at night, behind bedroom doors, the tie comes off and the real Aaron comes out to play. Mixing business with pleasure got him fired, so Aaron knows that if he wants to work for the country's most powerful senator, he'll have to keep his eye on the prize. That's easier said than done when he meets the senator's daughter, who's wild, gorgeous, and 100 percent trouble. Grace Pendleton is the black sheep of her conservative family. Yet while Aaron's presence reminds her of a past she'd rather forget, something in his eyes keeps drawing her in. Maybe it's the way his voice turns her molten. Or maybe it's because deep down inside, the ultra-smooth, polished Aaron Clarkson might be more than even Grace can handle . . .

— Last month I read the first book in this series and it was absolutely ridiculous. This one even more so. The Clarksons are still on the road trip (sans one sibling because she fell in love in a week in the first book) and Aaron was, like, not a root’able character? Very Edward Cullen I’M A BAD GUY, BELLA vibes and his relationship with Grace was so strange. Super rushed again, obvs. Meeting in the woods is weird enough. Professing love forty-eight hours later is decidedly unbelievable. Also there was a kidnapping involved? I totally put a hold on the next book in the series.

COME UP WITH DIFFERENT TRAUMA, I DARE YOU! OR NO TRAUMA. WHAT A CONCEPT!!

The Trouble With Hating You by Sajni Patel

Liya Thakkar is a successful biochemical engineer, takeout enthusiast, and happily single woman. The moment she realizes her parents' latest dinner party is a setup with the man they want her to marry, she's out the back door in a flash. Imagine her surprise when the same guy shows up at her office a week later -- the new lawyer hired to save her struggling company. What's not surprising: he's not too thrilled to see her either after that humiliating fiasco.

Jay Shah looks good on paper...and off. Especially if you like that whole gorgeous, charming lawyer-in-a-good-suit thing. He's also infuriating. As their witty office banter turns into late-night chats, Liya starts to think he might be the one man who truly accepts her. But falling for each other means exposing their painful pasts. Will Liya keep running, or will she finally give love a real chance?

— I had such high hopes for this one. Which is on me, I guess. Because I didn’t hate this one, but it was...not great. Maybe I’m just getting old and crotchety but I am BEGGING romance writers to come up with different trauma for their female protagonists. Not every woman has to have been assaulted to rationalize their current personality. Doesn’t have to happen. Like, ok, yes it does happen. Far more than it should. But that’s an entirely different story, and I am so tired of female characters getting absolutely destroyed by their past only to have that be their defining characteristic for so much of the book. Until a nice man they were initially mean to shows up and he’s UNDERSTANDING and he CARES and it’s just, bleh. It’s bleh. Tired and predictable and I’m over it.

IN WHICH I SHOULD HAVE LOOKED AT THE COVER

Much Ado About You by Samantha Young

At thirty-three-years old Evangeline Starling’s life in Chicago is missing that special something. And when she’s passed over for promotion at work, Evie realizes she needs to make a change. Some time away to regain perspective might be just the thing. In a burst of impulsivity, she plans a holiday in a quaint English village. The holiday package comes with a temporary position at Much Ado About Books, the bookstore located beneath her rental apartment. There’s no better dream vacation for the bookish Evie, a life-long Shakespeare lover. Not only is Evie swept up in running the delightful store as soon as she arrives, she’s drawn into the lives, loves and drama of the friendly villagers. Including Roane Robson, the charismatic and sexy farmer who tempts Evie every day with his friendly flirtations. Evie is determined to keep him at bay because a holiday romance can only end in heartbreak, right? But Evie can’t deny their connection and longs to trust in her handsome farmer that their whirlwind romance could turn in to the forever kind of love.

— Ok, so I had had this book on hold for so long that I genuinely forgot about it and forgot who it was written by. Samantha Young wrote that one book that I called the worst book I had ever read. Only I did not realize that when I started reading this one. So, you see how this sets us up for disaster. Because this book was a disaster. Everyone was goddamn annoying. And whiny. Shit, everyone whined. About everything. Also, the actual writing was atrocious. I am not usually one to be like “men can’t write,” but at one point I told both @shireness-says and @optomisticgirl that this book must have been secretly written by a man because no woman writing it would be so obsessed with pointing out where her cellulite was. Like, what??? Also the first sex scene? Oh my God, I laughed. Guffawed. The so-called love interest literally asked: “Are we going to have sex now?” And then they just did. It was so bad. Also there was a dog? Who went everywhere with the so-called love interest. And they just never explained that? I thought it was going to be part of some crushing and depressing backstory. Nah, he was just there.

HOLY SHIT THIS WAS SO DUMB I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WAS A BOOK! A BOOK MEANT FOR YOUNG ADULTS! WHAT IS YOUNG ADULT???

The Queen’s Secret by Melissa de la Cruz

Lilac's birthright makes her the Queen of Renovia, and a forced marriage made her the Queen of Montrice. But being a ruler does not mean making the rules. For Lilac, taking the throne means giving up the opportunity to be with love of her life, the kingdom's assassin, Caledon Holt. Worse, Cale is forced to leave the castle when a horrific set of magical attacks threatens Lilac's sovereignty. Now Cal eand Lilac will have to battle dark forces separately, even though being together is the only thing that's ever saved them.

— Remember last month when I was like: can’t wait for my hold to come through on this sequel so I know what happens? What an idiot. THIS BOOK WAS SO DUMB I CANNOT BELIEVE IT WAS A BOOK. As always in my rage-induced rants, no apologies for spoilers because seriously do NOT read this, but Lilac (legit, that was her name) married some other dude but just kept fucking Cale??? Like she had a secret door? So he could come in and they could fuck?? I just—oh my God. So, all these things kept happening. Magic and bad stuff and horses were killed. Lilac’s mother was the absolute WORST. Honestly the most worthless character who at one point was like “well, my story is over, guess it’s time to leave,” and then just left?? Forced Lilac into a marriage of alliance and no love and then everything evil was defeated in point two four seconds. It happened so fast I wasn’t even sure it happened. So, then I’m like, ok, how are Lilac and Cale going to end up together? Because this is YA and that’s how it’s supposed to work. Only her being married and that marriage requiring an heir is something of a rather large hurdle. Don’t worry! Remember when Lilac and Cale were fucking? Everyone totally knew. Including the king Lilac is married to. Who is somehow like...ok with this? And tells Cale that Lilac is pregnant. ISN’T THAT WONDERFUL! Sure, because now they can lie and claim its the king’s heir. ONLY IT’S CALE’S KID! AND CALE IS COOL WITH THIS! His entire internal monologue during this is about how he realizes he might not ever be able to tell his kid he’s their father, but he’ll be around and that’s good. Wait, what??? But there’s more! Not only is Lilac having Cale’s kid, but the king she’s married to is in love with one of Cale’s spy associates. So the king and the spy are going to go hang out (and presumably have their own kids) at one castle and Lilac and Cale are going to go to another. Lilac and the king never get divorced or annulled or whatever. Everyone stays as is and married as is and—they all live happily ever after? This was presented as a good ending, I swear. What the shit, guys, seriously.

#book rec #book reccs #fantasy recommendations #rom com recs #laura reads books #i am still waiting for people to respond to my emails #and only vaguely stressed out about it #welllp these are books

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lilydalexf · 4 years

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Sophia Jirafe

Seven of Sophia Jirafe’s fics are at Gossamer, but more of her X-Files stories are at AO3 (as sophiahelix). I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including Stones and Bones. She was active in the fandom during the show’s run and has never strayed far from fandom in general. She co-founded Glass Onion, a great multi-fandom mailing list that now has nearly 1,000 fics from 100 fandoms at AO3. Big thanks to Sophia Jirafe for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

It did initially, but so many old shows are on streaming now and getting discovered by new people, it makes sense.

I did get a comment from someone who said my first story under this name, posted in early 2000 when I was a college freshman, was older than her by a couple of months, and THAT took me aback.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

It was my first fandom, discovered when I was 17 and searching for info about the show on the school library computer, and it really shaped my whole life! I met a lot of people I still know today (mostly in non-fannish venues like FB, though I do still have some connections in fandom), and learned a lot about writing and just life generally, since I was younger than most of fandom at the time.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I started off on a tiny forum at a website called Squirrel’s Nest, but I kept seeing people thanking Scullyfic in fic headers and eventually I was able to join the mailing list (which was capped to 500 members). Scullyfic was everything to me — I made friends, betas, discussed the show, learned about all kinds of things on Off-Topic Fridays, etc. A lot of those friends, I would email with or more often chat on AIM (individual or these sprawling group chats that would go on all day), and then at the end of 2001 we started migrating to Livejournal. I was getting into Buffy more by then, but it was still mostly the same crowd of people I knew from Scullyfic.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

I feel like it started me on a whole life path really — finding that my deep obsession with fiction could be channeled like that and shared with other people, as well as deepening my writing. Online fandom has been a major part of my social life for over 20 years now, and I love the mix of getting excited about things with friends and also the creative outlet.

My corner of X-Files fandom in particular was just very calm and enjoyable for the most part, full of older professional women who were happy to be friends and give me advice about all kinds of things, and it really set the bar for me with my online interactions. Now I’m almost 40 and trying to be that person for my younger friends, as well as having no patience for toxicity and in-fighting in my fandom spaces.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

A combination of the creepy conspiracy angle and just adoring Scully. I remember how mysterious and fascinating the show seemed when I discovered it right before S5, and there was no way to find out more except to keep watching and hoping they explained. Scully was so smart and tough and beautiful and interesting, and as a teen I was just captivated by her (and the UST, though I didn’t care about Mulder as much).

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I ran across it a couple times early on but felt embarrassed by the concept, but then I read the first in Karen Rasch’s Words series and suddenly it clicked for me. After a while I started daydreaming my own conversations between them, very similar to what happens to me now when I’m getting into a new pairing, so after reading tons of recommended fic by big authors, I started writing my own (the 3-4 stories I posted in high school are all wiped from the internet now, though).

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Good memories, though because it was my senior year of high school and college, I know a lot of it is just tied to that time in my life, and also being in my very first fandom. I will rewatch episodes from time to time, but I basically never revisit former fandoms because they’re kind of like exes, even if I finished on a good note. I also think my taste in fic has changed (and there isn’t the same novelty of “characters I like getting together omg!”)

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

So many! None of them had quite the same combination of excellent central architecture (especially pre-AO3) and a really high level of discussion and friendliness without being enormous, but I’ve loved them all in their own ways. I’ve done fandom on LJ/DW, Tumblr, Discord, and now on Twitter, and I think I miss the mailing list days the most. You didn’t have to repeat yourself so much in multiple conversations, you weren’t character limited, and the discussion was all in one place, with personal stuff more confined to your side conversations. Discord is a little like that, but it moves too fast and there’s too much noise for my taste.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Heh, after X-Files I went through a whole phase of faves in the Scully vein — Buffy, Aeryn Sun, Kara Thrace, etc. Like many people I’ve shifted primarily into m/m in the last decade (Sherlock, YOI, and recently The Untamed have been my major fictional fandoms, along with a lot of sports RPF), but for non-fannish shows I’m always looking for awesome new female characters, like Elizabeth on the Americans, Peggy on Mad Men, Nadja on What We Do in the Shadows, etc. And I do LOVE Killing Eve and have written a little f/f over there.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I’ll rewatch favorite episodes occasionally, and I keep thinking about a full rewatch but it takes so much time! I never saw the second movie, and I didn’t finish the first of the new seasons because I was hating it, so it’s a little hard for me to think fannishly about them when I disliked basically everything after “Je Souhaite” so much (as far as I’m concerned the show ends there).

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

X-Files no, but yeah I’m still very active in fandoms.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I lost all my saved fic several computers ago, but I recall loving “Blue Christmas” by Plausible Deniability and “Diamonds and Rust” by MustangSally (obviously everything she wrote was great).

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Looking at my X-Files fic, I can’t believe how short it is and how comparatively little of it there is (I have lost track of a few ficlets). It felt like such a big deal to finish anything back then! I think my favorite remains Alphabetum, which involved a tricky structure and 5 elements given by people as part of the Scullyfic Improv challenge, where you had a week to write a story around those elements.

My favorite of my recent fic in fictional fandoms is probably the GoT/YOI crossover novel I wrote a couple years ago, for a completely opposite experience to this (and proof you can grow as a writer with a lot of effort!)

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

It’s honestly hard to imagine going back (like I said, I usually don’t), but I guess I could get inspired by something.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I certainly still write, and I do have to give credit to XF fandom and Scullyfic in particular for giving me the start I got, where I really wanted to be writing good fiction. The few things I wrote in high school were just me jamming out romantic cliches, but the people I was lucky to know in XF fandom showed me that “just” fanfic can still aspire to be high quality. I am a much, much better and more disciplined writer than I was back then, but I might never have started on this path without fandom friends encouraging me.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Usually just daydreaming about emotional dynamics between characters/people, but sometimes something specific in canon or real life (I write a lot of RPF) gets me going, or maybe something I read.

What's the story behind your pen name?

When I wrote for X-Files, I picked “Sophia Jirafe” combining my favorite first name with a fancy spelling for my favorite animal (I was 18! Don’t judge!) Over on Livejournal, my friend Jintian and I initially shared an account with the same name as our website, double_helix, and when she got her own account I changed to sophia_helix, which is now sophiahelix just about everywhere. A little clunky, but I like the continuity (and I do run across old friends who remember the name).

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

The friends I’ve known for a very long time know about it, but we have never talked about it in depth. My husband, who I met not long after getting into fandom, also knows about it, and he’s encouraging and also a writer so we talk all the time. I told my mom in college and she was pretty dismissive, so we haven’t talked about it since (but my younger sister knows and is cool about it).

When I was younger, it was something I shared readily (I bonded with a new friend in law school I saw looking at LJ), but now I don’t really bring it up with new acquaintances.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I just made a Carrd the other day with all my various fannish addresses (Twitter, locked fannish Twitter, AO3, Tumblr)

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Just that it really was a high quality fandom — so much excellent long casefic, so many cool down to earth people, just generally a great launching place for a young fan. The friendships I made with older people were really important to me, and it makes me sad to see a lot of younger people now getting upset about the idea of anyone over a certain age being in their fandom spaces. I hope someday fandom can get back to appreciating that people of all ages can be the fandom type, and that everyone brings something different to the community.

(Posted by Lilydale on December 1, 2020)

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #sophia jirafe

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mego42 · 4 years

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hi I asked foxmagpie the same thing, and I love both your fanfic. and also like your rec list. and do you have also people you would want to know their rec list of?? like nominating?

hey!! why ty muchly! you are v sweet! LOVE reccing reccers and recs (related, the word rec has lost all meaning to me today)

lets see, in addition to @foxmagpie‘s excellent list (minus that last tag, that girl is a complete weirdo, do not trust her), I took a gander through my fic recs tag (and then my fic rec tag bc in the least shocking twist imaginable, I do not use them consistently!! (though it looks like fic rec singular is what I was mostly using for t100 so maybe some subterranean part of my brain is somewhat methodical) (how many parentheticals can one post contain?) (let’s find out!) and it turns out I reblog a lot of author posts which is not what you’re asking for SO other main rec reblogs:

@inyoursheets put together The Rec Masterlist awhile back, I have it permanently open on my phone and still have barely made a dent. high key recommend taking a gander.

@sothischickshe a true champion of fic promotion. I appreciate her appreciation of the absurd and experimental. she was the one who originally put the Buddy the Dog POV on my radar, so points awarded I GUESS. claims to have better taste than me, probably correct but don't tell her I said that.

@sdktrs12 does Fic Back Friday (a god tier meme around reccing a year plus fics) and I have def added a bunch to my list from that. She also does Spotlight Saturday which is more general fandom creator but sometimes has fic in it too, also god tier as is sdktrs for doing them (not just bc I am in awe at doing anything with any consistency but because I really love that she takes the time to spread the love and the focus on backlist)

obvs cannot fail to mention the @goodgirlsficrecs blog run by @nottonyharrison who is also the powerhouse behind the GG Fic Awards and Prompt-A-Thon (bonus rec: everything found in those tags) with contributions from @elixir448 and @mamey2422, all of whom are doing the lord or the deity or inanimate object of their choosing’s work

and finally, I know you already asked her but can’t post this without a shout out to @foxmagpie who has not only compiled excellent lists but has started taking the time to do individual graphics for as well and that’s some splendid egg behavior right there.

WAIT NO NOT FINALLY TOTALLY FORGOT bc I am nosy, another thing I sometimes do is if I like someone’s fic I will go mosey on through their ao3 bookmarks to see what else they like and have def found some neat stuff in there (MASSIVE SHOUT OUT TO EVERYONE WHO TAGS THEIR BOOKMARKS) (i am not one of you but i appreciate you and aspire to join your ranks one day)

#fic recs #gg related #asks #anon

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peanutparade · 4 years

Photo

Someone asked me what my process was, and I’m not sure I gave her a satisfying answer in the PM, so here I will attempt to explain how I make a game from start to finish.

*Please note the the drafts above are not for the same story, but for the purpose of illustration.

**Also please take this advice with a grain of salt. I’m not a published author (though I do know a bit about the publishing industry), and I’m definitely not a perfect writer. This is my process, and the things I try to keep in mind when I’m writing, and you may find this advice to be complete garbage.

Step one: Get an idea for a story. I can’t really give any tips on how to go about doing this. I tend to take inspiration from other works of media (classical literature is my favorite, though I have taken cues from more contemporary sources as well).

Step two: Consider who your characters are going to be. It’s okay if you only have one or two characters in mind at first. I’m pretty utilitarian about my characters, so most of them don’t get created until step three.

Step three: Open a word document and just start typing shit out. (I use Google Drive so I can access it from anywhere, and for another reason which I’ll get to later.) Don’t stop to think, don’t even breathe. Just type. Any idea that comes into your head goes in the document. Some of it won’t make sense with everything else, some of it will contradict other things, some of it will be vaguely defined. You will fix that later. This is the most important part (especially the way I write), because it’s where you’re going to get an idea of how your story starts and how it ends, as well as cement your cast of characters. If you need a scene where your main character goes to a lighthouse, then you know you’ll also need to come up with a lighthouse keeper (see my comment above about being utilitarian with characters. I’m no authority, so if you do things differently, that’s fine, but I don’t like making characters that don’t serve a purpose).

Step four: Annotation, annotation, annotation! (This is the other thing I use Google Drive for, as it has a comment feature that I heavily rely on.) Go through all your scribbling and make notes for yourself. Be a little hard on yourself here, because this is the part where you’re going to try to make everything you’ve written in Draft 1 cohesive. This will be a long process, as you need to think about how all of this is connected, as well as think about what sort of arcs your main characters are going to go through. I read somewhere once that ALL of your characters have to go through an arc, but that’s a bunch of wacky nonsense. Some characters are minor characters, and thus do not require depth. The only character arc that MUST be included is the main character’s arc. Remember: character arc ≠ character motivation. ALL major characters (protagonist(s), love interest(s), villain(s)) MUST have motivation for what they are doing. The motivation doesn’t have to be anything too complex, just so long as the audience understands why the characters are doing what they’re doing. (Minor characters with motivation can make the world feel more real and lived in, but they can also make the story feel bogged down. Brevity is key here, and sometimes less is more.)

Step five: Draft 2 All of that plotting you just did? Throw it away! Just kidding, don’t actually throw it away. BUT you’re going to rewrite your plot outline, tidier this time, and only refer back to Draft 1 when you get stuck. Feel free to come up with new ideas during this time; Draft 1 is not your story’s final form. If you think of scenes or quotes, feel free to include them in this draft, but you’re mostly just outlining right now. (As you may notice in the image above, Draft 2 is also subject to annotation.) Draft 2 is where you should be solidifying the themes of your story. Character arc(s) should tie into and support this theme. This is also the draft where you should be catching any plot holes (especially if you don’t have an editor/beta reader), as once you’ve begun actually writing the story, any problems here will only compound as you go.

Step six: Write the story It’s pretty straightforward. Follow Draft 2 (and any additional annotations you made on Draft 2), and go scene by scene and write. I never skip around, as it makes it hard to keep track of what characters know at what time, but I know of authors that do skip around, and they seem to do okay. You’ll have to figure out what works best for you.

Step seven: Edit, edit, edit! Aside from the obvious (typos and spelling errors), look out for:

Scenes that are too long or too short. Counterintuitively, these may be the result of the same problem: a lack of purpose. Ask yourself, “Does this need to be here?”

Long-winded info dumps. Consider the old adage, “show, don’t tell.” Whenever information can be conveyed through action or reaction, write it that way. If you can convey two things at the same time (i.e. something about a character and also something about the world--bonus if these two things are actually unrelated to each other), do it.

Information that your audience wouldn’t logically have being the key to resolving the plot. Especially in sci-fi and fantasy stories, if the conclusion of the story relies on knowing something--even if it’s something that the characters all know--you need to make sure your audience also knows this, or else they will be frustrated. Keep in mind the Rule of Threes.

And that’s the story portion done. If you’re making a visual novel/dating sim, there are other steps you need to do. (I usually do this stuff while writing the story so it doesn’t get tedious, but if you’re hiring people to do this other stuff, you should probably have the writing done ahead of time. If you’re hiring writers to help you, you should have Draft 1 done, at the least. Your writers can probably take it from there.)

NOTE: Any job you don’t do yourself is something that will cost you money. If you can find other aspiring creators to volunteer their time to your project, good for you, but please do not approach anyone directly unless you plan to offer to pay them (”for exposure” is not payment).

Step eight: Character sprites Major characters are going to need to be represented visually in your visual novel (go figure!), so... draw some people? I know some people make character design sheets, but I just jump right in, and then later, make microedits to the sprites as the mood strikes me. The design sheet thing is probably a smarter way to do it. I use photoshop, and I would strongly encourage keeping hair, clothing, and facial features on separate layers until you know exactly how you plan to code them into your game.

Step nine: Backgrounds Same as the sprites, except places instead of people. I’m bad at this, so I have no right to give anyone advice. I use a 3D interior design app to create a guide for what I want rooms to look like, and then I use that to get my vanishing points and furniture sizing right. This method is 50% tracing, 50% wishing I was dead. I do not recommend it.

Step ten: Audio If your game will have voice acting, get that together now. If you’re composing your own music, you’re more talented than I am. For my first game, I utilized royalty free options (incompetech and bensound), but now I hire a composer (I do still supplement my soundtrack with royalty free options if it’s for something inconsequential). I don’t use many sound effects, but when I do, I just look for free options online.

Step eleven: Coding I use Ren’py because it’s free and easy to learn (provided you don’t want to do anything too complicated). There are tons of resources online to teach you how to use Ren’py, both from official sources and unofficial sources. I’ve never posted in the forums myself, but the people there seem very kind and helpful if you get stuck. (If anyone wants to see how I code, specifically, I’ll do a Part Two for it, but I have to warn you that my games are the coding equivalent car repairs done with bubblegum and duct tape.)

Step twelve: Playtesting Make sure your game works. It’s pretty straightforward. You can even recruit some guinea pigs--I mean, friends to help you. (I don’t have any friends, so I do this part on my own.)

By this point, a year or so will have passed (give or take, depending how long your game is, how much time you have to work on it, and how much of the work you plan to do by yourself), and with any luck, you’ll have a game! Posting your game on itch.io is free, but putting your game on steam will cost you $100.

Like I said to the person on patreon who originally asked me about my process, making a visual novel is a lot of work, but I encourage everyone to at least try it and see if you like it.

I look forward to hearing your stories! ♥

#peanut parade #peanutparade #peanut parade games #indiedev #gamedev #writing #visual novel

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scriptaed · 5 years

Text

ink nemesis. 05

Genre: Angst/Fluff || paparazzi!au; fake dating!au;

Pairing: Reader x Yoongi

Length: 7.8k

Synopsis: As an aspiring writer drowning under the public’s radar, a click of the pen is all you need to accept your supervisor’s offer to co-write an article for the SS - Secrets Spilled, a regular section of your company’s weekly tabloid; but fabricated stories and invasive details aren’t all that you write when you discover Min Yoongi’s dirty little secret.

Help.

The ones who need it the most, speak it the least; not you, though, certainly not. You’re an exception, a loophole in the system they call humanity and its fragile emotions. Stone cold, apathetic, incapable of sorrow—somehow, under the cruel hands of reality, you’ve conjured a facade, a true master of a weighted heart and a bottled mind.

No one knows you. No one understands you. No one wants your company unless you’re needed.

Rather, you won’t let anyone know you, you won’t let anyone understand you, and you won’t let anyone take advantage of you.

Because how could you dare enable them to belittle you? You’re a self-proclaimed warrior in an army of one, fighting for the dignity of one, dying in the name of one: yourself. To wage a war against the rest of the world with a weapon fractured by faults as to be named honesty is to submit defeat; so you conceal the cracks and force in whatever you can to provide a temporary fix with permanent damage.

You’re strong, you’re intelligent, you’re independent.

Ill spite, malevolent comments, self-absorbed requests, they could never faze you.

You’ve cultivated this art yourself, see? Your chest no longer aches, your mind no longer lingers, and your heart is numb but nonetheless persists to beat blood into your flesh. Emotions are mere words you could once sympathize with in the days of yore now overtaken by the present you.

Frozen cold but begrudgingly living, you’re still a human.

Are you human?

Your end lies after this frosted, forsaken era, a time you had sworn to never allow to be shed the light of day; but you had underestimated the addiction that vulnerability entails, for in the presence of him, you find yourself coveting for more.

One moment, one touch, one kiss at a time, he disassembles the stone wall of your own prison. You could still remember it clearly. The graze of his touch thaws your icy skin, from your fingers to your arm, forming a trail of swirling, mystical circles. The warmth of his delicate, slender fingertips and the comfort of his palm resting on your cheeks elicit a fervent burn to your already rosy cheeks. The gaze of his secure, intent eyes that meet your wavering ones convey a thousand words more than any picture could.

It’s okay to be weak. It’s okay to not understand. It’s okay to rely on me.

It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to admit defeat.

Even if they try to stomp on you, even if the entire world parades in the aftermath of your end, with me, you’ll always be okay.

It is only now, as you lie on the bed side by side to this man whom had only been an infinitely distant star, do you believe that soulmates in the midst of countless constellations could truly coexist.

He is the star whom you had always wished to whisk across your dull skies, after all.

There’s no doubt about it. He’s shy and a tad awkward, but in this very moment, he doesn’t dare take his eyes off his celestial pair and neither do you. The scene still electrifies your very being. Your insides stir at the vivid memories of his hand clutching yours after the two of you exit the daze in the aftermath of your kiss of faith and hastily leading the retreat back into your apartment.

You could still whiff the petrichor along with his faded hint of minty, fresh cologne intermixed with the musky scent of his studio. You could still hear her gasp accompanied by the thud of her grab onto the concrete. You could still catch sight of her familiar silhouette, fading farther into the distance as he whisks you away, the two of you stumbling into the elevator and impatiently jabbing at the button to enclose the doors as well as your privacy, giggles, and breathy, fleeting kisses; even if the following hours of confiding in the silent embrace of another all occurs in a blur, you could still live vicariously through a moment too dreamlike to be true for an extinguished star like you.

On this bed and on this very night, serene on a high of this surreal spur of the moment, you finally believe you could reveal your authentic self.

You hate your work.

The coworkers who only acknowledge you in search for aid after you had outscored them on monthly evaluations, the authorities who only take interest in you when you churn out works that rode the waves of ephemeral trends, the public who forgot you within the blink of an eye because you could not serve their exact orders, and the company that keeps you within the confines of your damn contract despite being promised freedom as a creative writer—all of your insecurities come flooding before your eyes.

As you turn to divert your attention from the ceiling to the now asleep boy, you wonder how you could halt the return of ice that creeps along your melted chambers.

Would Yoongi treat you the same? Would he discard you when his interests prove to be fleeting and you could entertain him no longer? Had you fallen for the genuine him or had he put up a facade like your own?

Is it okay to be happy? Is it okay to be in this unrealistic and unhealthy relationship between yourself, the predator of a paparazzi, and him, the prey of a star? Is it okay to love elsewhere outside of writing? The subconscious squeeze of his hands that wander over to yours subconsciously in the midst of sleep tells you: it’s okay.

Like each other’s liquor, finely aged by the warm embrace of another lonely soul passing by the cold, cruel skies, you’re gracefully lulled into deep slumber, wondering, wondering, wondering...

A chaste kiss held to your forehead as he holds both sides of your head securely, whispers of his trek to work, and tucks a blanket over your cradled body were only enough to stir you gently in slumber; for when you awaken by the sunlight that floods through the curtain you had drawn open along with the windows at dusk, a rarity in this chamber, the plush of his lips are as ethereal as last night.

A hoarse groan follows your lengthy yawn when you discover you had somehow slept through the violent buzzing of your phone. One eye just barely peeled open and the other kept tightly shut in the blinding wrath of your screen, you reenter the interwebs with inadequate precaution so unlikely of you.

The dozens of messages from clout-chasing coworkers whomst names you didn’t even know until the news between you and Yoongi had broke out were one thing. You had been so desensitized to the nagging idea of being used and tossed to the side at the convenience of others that you roll your eyes and scroll past without a second thought.

The messages you receive on your personal writing blog, however, are a different matter.

[Anon 7:01 PM] When is the bots update?

One minute right after you posted your longest work up to date of which you had poured your heart and soul into. Not even a single nod to its existence. Not even a courteous waiting period of five minutes.

One minute.

[Anon 8:20 PM] Put your god damn works under the read more line. It’s so annoying to scroll past

It isn’t your fault the “read more” option malfunctions on various devices.They wouldn’t care to listen, though. You’ve explained a myriad of times but received radio silence in return.

[Anon 8:03 AM] OMG i can’t believe you finally updated bots! i won’t lie, i was upset when i thought it was discontinued. welcome back, writer!

Welcome back? Writer?

You had never left; and even if it had been several months since the last update of said series, it had never been indicated as discontinued. You had been here, writing, and interacting every single day of the past two months. Where, why, how would they assume you had left unless updates were the only factor to the status of your blog?

You have a name. Maybe you’re just looking into things now, surely. Perhaps it’s the grogginess of the morning haze that has left a bad taste on your tongue, but writer? Your name has been plastered all across your blog. It’s the very first line of your header on the top of your page, for Heaven’s sake!

You had to have been overthinking things and conjuring conclusions that had never been implicated between the lines in the first place; but you couldn’t help it, not after your hours upon hours of work had been discarded, ignored, and kicked aside. No one is obligated to read all of your works. No, but all you desire is mere acknowledgement. You want to believe this is a rare mistake, yet why is this just one of the many incessant, perpetual trends of your blog as of late?

Is this your fault?

And why are you feeling so guarded, accused, betrayed, victimized, and so utterly frustrated, when, clearly, someone is supporting you?

The pain gnaws at your constricted chest, so you handle it with the only coping method you know: writing.

[Reply] first off, thank you for supporting bots :”) i’m glad to know of your enthusiasm for this series. however, as much as i know you didn’t mean any harm with this comment, i do have to confess that this comment kind of irked me;; i get it if you’re upset because one of your favorite series hasn’t been updated in a while (2 months, really, which isn’t as long as i’ve seen some other series go without updates), but i’ve already said multiple times that the series is not on hiatus. i’ve already said i was working on it, and if i wasn’t, it was because i was busy with life and academics, which are my utmost priorities, or i was investing time on other fics.

which leads me to say, i didn’t come “back” with the update of bots. no, i’ve always been here and i’ve always been writing. in fact, i posted a 33 THOUSAND words long oneshot for namjoon just 4 weeks before updating bots. and it’s not just bots, it happens for every ongoing fic that somehow overshadows all of my other side works.

again, i know that these aren’t your intentions and i’m definitely reading into some comments, but with all the messages i’ve received, the interactions i’ve faced between my various fics, i feel like i have to voice my thoughts on my own blog.

i’ve held back and bottled up my own emotions on this blog for almost 3 years now, but i’m just going to say this: i am a writer and i am human. i am not a writer of just one fic, of just bygones of the sun, of just the labyrinth, of just paper hearts, etc. i am NOT defined by just one work. i am so utterly grateful for the support any of my fics receive, and i’m not saying that people need to read all of my works (you’re obviously not obliged to and i’m thankful if you read even just one work), but i’m just asking for you guys not to just acknowledge my existence/worth only when your favorite fic is mentioned.

At the end of your spill, when all is said and done, you fail to publicize your heart by the simple click of a mouse like the many times before. It’s revitalizing to finally put the amassed angst in your chest into words, but the guilt of burdening others with concerns that no one deserves to bear plagues you on the daily; so there it stays, hidden and buried in your drafts for the long years to come.

With moments of dread like these, however, there never fails to be dozens upon dozens more that awaits to whisk you away into brighter days within the comforts of your inbox. There were countless readers who would send you unconditional support through thick and thin. You could never understand how kindhearted they were to you, someone they’ve never seen, heard, and sometimes never even spoken to. Were they trying to take advantage of you? Are they trying to coax you into a perpetual cycle of writing absent of rest? Why were you always searching for a fault when so many have displayed nothing but patience, love, and understanding to you?

Just why could you not let anyone in?

It’s an ongoing battle between you and yourself, one proven to be fruitless a myriad of times before. You let out a hefty sigh, persisting to express your gratitude, genuine and cautious to omit one half the truth, when a certain comment sends your heart racing.

[MP3 7:56 AM] The pianist sounds like an enigma. Reminds me of this one girl I’ve been crushing on lately. Can’t wait for the story, genius.

The ear-to-ear grin adorning your lips don’t come to attention until your phone rings and the butterflies in your stomach scatter as you’re snapped out of your short-lived reverie. A relieving yet oddly disappointing name plasters across your screen.

“Yes, Solji?”

“Y/N? Where are you right now? Are you home? Where’s Yoongi? Is he next to you?” you can hear the shaking of her head as she forces an abrupt halt to her blurted questions. “What I mean to ask is are you okay?”

“Whoa, calm down, are you using me as a guinea pig for your future child or something? Ooh, someone must have got it on lately,” you hope your wiggling brows could be captured by the suggestive tone of your voice. “Don’t worry, I’m doing fine—” you sigh “—you’re the only one who actually worries for me at work. Thanks, I’m at home right now. Yoongi should be at work—wait, how did you know he was with me?”

“The paparazzi somehow caught you two last night in front of the apartment and now pictures have leaked and literally everyone’s talking about it at work. You’ve been living under a rock the entire last night, haven’t you? Or did you two…” she gasps.

“No!” you exclaim almost to vehemently. You clear your throat and repeat with a lowered voice, “no, we didn’t do anything last night. We just...”

Your cheeks burn red, despite the truth in your statement.

“Girl, you better give me the entire story in full detail later,” she presses as the excitement manifests in the squeak of her voice, “but for now, you should drop a visit to the company as soon as possible. Even if you’re on a break, boss still wants you to attend our monthly meetings.”

“Ew, you mean those gatherings filled with passive aggressive jabs and snotty, arrogant colleagues?” you groan grotesquely. “I guess I don’t have the luxury to be fired just yet. Fine, whatever pays my rent.”

“Don’t worry,” Solji’s familiar laughs envelop you with warmth, “I’ll be there too. I got your back.”

“Thanks, moooom,” you drawl. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Byeee,” she adds in a quick tease, “oh, and don’t forget: no glove, no love—”

—she hangs up.

Well, at least one person still remembers you, even if it’s to nag you about something that you would never even dare to fathom in the first place. Shaking your head, you laugh to yourself when your phone starts ringing again.

This time, however, the name doesn’t disappoint.

Your thumb accidentally accepts the call way too soon and you find yourself on the line with the very person who had your blood pumping just a second ago.

00:00:01… 00:00:02…

“...hello?”

His voice tangles your throat and you’re forced to clear it before hesitantly raising the phone to your right ear. You can’t sound too eager nor nervous, otherwise that would send the wrong signal—damn it, since when did you pay any attention to Yoongi’s impression of you?

“Yeah, what do you need—” oops, that’s too rude “—I mean... is something up?”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” he struggles to get his words out, “I, uh, left my… jacket at your place.”

You quickly scan through the mess of your apartment only to find his jacket neatly folded and conveniently placed right before you at the end of the bed.

“Oh, found it. Do you need me to bring it to you—”

“—no,” the abrupt silence after his adamant refusal catches the both of you off-guard, “no, I can just… come over and grab it. Or, uh, you can keep it.”

You could just imagine him shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, gradually catching onto his antics.

“Okay, I guess I’ll just keep this hundred thousand dollar jacket here,” you chime.

“Oh?” you could hear him kicking his feet onto the desk. “You’re keeping my jacket as keepsake?”

“And why would I do that?” you scoff.

“Because you miss me.”

His firm statement comes with ease and oozes with so much irking confidence that you force yourself to hang up before the fluttering in your stomach overtakes your very being… that is, until the phone rings again.

“What?” you groan. “I told you I’m keeping your jacket and not because I miss—”

“—did you check your blog today?”

“Huh?” he takes you by surprise. “Yeah, I did. Why?”

A momentary silence befalls his lips. “Oh, well, did any comment stick out to you?”

“Hm…” you play along. “No, not really. Is there a specific comment you’re referring to? Have you been checking my blog, Min Yoongi? Hm? Thinking about me?”

“Yes, I’m referring to the comment I made under ‘MP3,’ you dumbass.”

“In that case, yes, I did,” you snicker before hanging up, “maybe you should check my response later.”

Your phone rings again.

“Ugh, what now? You’re being so clingy—”

“—are you free tonight for dinner?”

“Dinner?” you repeat, taken aback. “Dinner as in… date dinner or just dinner dinner…?”

“Well, I was just thinking dinner dinner,” he mulls, “but I guess we could call it a date if you so want.”

“Shut up,” you can’t help but laugh, “it’s a date then. I have something to do at work but I’ll let you know where and when to pick me up later.”

“Oh,” he pauses and follows up with concern, “do you need me to come with you?”

“No, it’s not like I’m getting fired or anything,” you snort, “thanks, though… it means a lot. See you soon.”

The phone rings again right after you hang up.

“What?!”

“Nothing, I just missed your voice,” he says nonchalantly and probably shrugged before murmuring darkly, “oh, and, I’m the one who gets to hang up.”

The dial tone fills the silent air.

Oh, how had you ever forgotten the pain of commuting to work, especially when making an unexpected detour under time constraints?

[Xiao Lin 1:29 PM] Hey Y/N! Sorry for hitting you up out of the blue but can we meet up really quick? I have something important to show you.

The acquaintance’s text had you nearly sweating bullets, for she had persistently insisted on meeting this very moment—an hour prior to work; because according to her, whatever she has in her hands could be a pivotal moment in both his and your careers.

What could she possibly have and were you right in suspecting her friendly mien?

Your toes scrunch in the tight fit of your pointed heels, fearing for dear life at the pace you were striking the ground. Incessant gusts of wind from passing cars and buses dishevel your hair but you pay no mind to the distractions, striding down the bustling streets with tunnel vision settled on the coffee shop a few blocks from work.

A series of bell chimes capture the attention of the girl who had sat in deep contemplation with eyes under her jet-black bangs, staring at nothing and mind evidently elsewhere.

“Y/N, you’re here,” she gives you a small, gently pressed smile, beckoning for you to sit in the chair across the table. “How have you been doing lately?”

“Hey, doing just fine,” you prim, quickly shuffling into the seat. “So what is it you wanted to tell me?”

Her eyes widen at your haste, blinking blankly for a few seconds before reaching into her purse perched to the chair beside her. The long, luscious locks of hers fall gracefully into curtains that shield you from glimpsing at whatever she’s pulling out. Your heart is suspended at the brink of a cliff when she suddenly pauses, stares at the cards in her hands, and takes a deep, determined breath in and out.

Alas, she unveils her weapon.

There, spread neatly across the table, is a series of photos capturing the intimate moment you had accidentally intruded on during that fateful night.

“This girl here,” the white paint of her nails highlight the silhouette beside Yoongi on the balcony, “is the CEO’s daughter that I mentioned to you before.”

Xiao Lin’s gaze peers at you from under her bangs, intently observing your every movement.

You gulp. You struggle to breathe. You don’t want to give her anything that could jeopardize your career and most importantly… him.

Why, though? Why are you protecting someone whose photos elicit the painful drop somewhere deep within you? Why are you conveying nothing but jealousy and insecurity from the flashbacks that play right before your eyes? Throughout the fantasy that has been the last few months, somewhere along the way, you had let him slip through a fault in your defenses, even under the once so vigilant watch of yours.

“Okay,” you finally muster the courage to lift your gaze to meet hers, “and why are you showing this to me?”

“Y/N, aren’t you dating Yoongi?”

Well, are you?

“Yeah, but these don’t have any context to them. For all we know, maybe this photo is old and she could just be his ex.”

“I’m afraid not,” she presses her lips into a frown. “This venue is the same day the news about you and Yoongi broke out. They’re wearing the same attire as in their press, as well.”

Your brows furrow at her persistence. “Where did you get these photos anyway?”

“One of my sources happened to snap a shot and showed me just last night… including this picture,” she slides forward a familiar scene you had bore witness to—your hands cupping his cheeks, his back facing the camera as he leans into you, and the woman’s figure watching from afar. “Don’t worry about it, though. I made sure to delete the photos from all her devices, and even if she slips, no one’s going to believe someone without previous credit to back her up.”

“Well—” you’re completely petrified by the attack “—I’m sure there’s a misunderstanding.”

“Y/N…” she says hesitantly under her breath, “did you know about this…? I’m required to report everything to my company by contract, especially since this involves relations to our CEO, but I’m telling you this first because I don’t want to hurt one of my only friends.”

Friend? How could she call you her friend after cornering you like this? She must have something up her sleeve. She must.

“I don’t there’s anything I could add,” you deadpan with eyes glaring at her. “People are gonna take those photos and run away with whatever wild stories they can capitalize off of anyways, regardless of my commentary.”

“That’s why I’m asking you… do you not want me to release these photos?”

“You’d do that…?” you frown, cautious in wading the waters. “Why risk your career for me?”

“I’m not so dirty as to throw my friends under the bus without a thought,” she laughs and pretends to zip her lips shut. “Alright, my lips are sealed, then. Oh, also another thing…”

You keep her under your wary watch, still dubious, “yeah?”

“I’ve heard through the grapevine that Bang PD has been in talks with the company an immensely popular tabloid, SS, writes under… which, from what I remember, is your company. I heard there’s a certain writer there whose stories they want to use for BTS’s concepts.”

“Oh,” you cock your head, “and why are you telling me that?”

“I’m just saying,” she leans back into her chair as she watches you gather your things, “be careful no one’s taking advantage of you, especially after those photos.”

“Alright, well,” you scramble to find a safe response in the mess of your state, “thank you for having my back, but it really isn’t something you should be meddling with. I really have to get going now—”

“—wait,” a delicate hand clutches onto yours before you could depart and you whirl around to peer down at her. With orbs reflecting the sun rays in its dark chocolate hues, she speaks. “You know I’m putting my entire career at risk by working behind my company’s back.”

“...yeah,” your eyes narrow at her, “I’m thankful for that.”

“But you know the kind of industry we work in, right? People aren’t afraid to stab others in the back as long as it profits them, so we always have to be vigilant.”

“So…”

“So,” her words never linger on her thoughts, “I’m saying I need assurance from your side that you won’t turn your back on me, either.”

“Lin,” you let out a breath of disbelief, “why in the world would I tell your CEO about this?”

“I don’t know,” she says firmly, “but that’s the thing, we never know until we’re on our knees, regretting every decison we’ve ever made.”

“Lin, please—” you’re at a loss for words “—please don’t hurt Yoongi. Don’t release those photos. Please. I’d do anything.”

“Anything that gives me leverage, Y/N.”

Her stern gaze bores into yours.

What could you possibly tell her? That your relationship with Yoongi is fake? That would only be throwing Yoongi and the entirety of BigHit under the bus. You can only imagine the despair that would come from betraying him like that.

“I don’t have anything, Lin,” your voice cracks on the brink of tears. “I seriously don’t have anything. Please let him go. Just this once. Please—”

“—Y/N,” she murmurs with those pleading eyes, equally desperate as yours, “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

Yoongi. BigHit. His members. The company. Solji. SS… you could tell her about SS.

“I’ll—” you hesitate with bated breath “—I’ll tell you my real pen name.”

“Your pen name?” her eyes widen at your suggestion, accepting the weight of your proposition by the wavering of your breaths. “Okay.”

With your career, past, heart, tears, and soul, your every being is encompassed by these two words. Should you let her have her way? Hand over the key to control your state of mind? Let the potential infiltration of outsiders to intrude on your one companion in life?

Should you give it all up for him?

“Ink Nemesis,” you mutter, feeling your heart drop. “My pen name is Ink Nemesis.”

The recognition of your alias in the tabloids manifests in her brightened expression and you had never struggled to inhale with such magnitude like you did at this moment.

“Alright, nice to meet you, Ink Nemesis.”

She smiles.

Something smells in this meeting room. It’s a perpetual stench that reeks your surroundings that you would do anything to bolt from your chair.

Bullshit.

“What’s with the long face?” one of the girls asks you with fake concern plastered all over that overly done face of hers. If it weren’t for the incident just an hour prior, maybe your thoughts wouldn’t have been so malicious; but you can’t help but wonder how you had ever put up with her attempts to get on your good side when monthly evaluations were just around the corner.

“Nothing,” you mumble, sitting even more upright when you notice her own pretentious posture.

“Aww, did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?” another girl bumps your leather chair with hers. “Mr. Min Yoongi’s, perhaps?”

Oh, there’s the other girl who never really cared for your existence or anyone’s except her so called “squad” for that matter… until someone’s work garners enough momentum to be worthy of her attention, that is.

“Yeah?” you snap and everyone jumps at the raise in your voice. “Well, whose bed did you wake up in this time?” The silence is overbearing enough to have you mentally regretting your temper in guilt. “Haha… just kidding.”

The group of girls force a nervous laugh before rolling back to their respective spots and gathering their files.

“Ooh…” Solji mumbles under her breath beside you. “It’s 2019, Y/N. Slut shaming isn’t acceptable anymore.”

“I know,” you grunt, storming out of the meeting room as Solji follows in your trek. “I messed up, okay? I’m just having a shitty day.”

“Oh?” her playful expression immediately transitions to one of concern. “What’s wrong? Is there anything I can do to help?”

“No, unless you, their supervisor, can tell them to shut the hell up and stop acting so fake,” you roll your eyes and punch your timecard. “It’s just that they’ve never cared for me as a person until my works did somewhat well, and the only time that happened is when I hop on the bandwagon and write because I want to be praised and receive attention and not because I want to write. I can’t even be creative because then no one will ever even read my shit.”

“Is that why you’re still writing for SS?” Solji quickly punches her timecard and paces after you as the door slams behind you.

Cars honk at every corner, buses puff at every stop, and lights beam in all orientations of the city as night befalls it. Her questions lingers in your mind, even as you march through the sidewalks and into the neighborhood a few blocks from the company.

Why are you still writing for SS? Sure, the stream of comments are addictive not to say the least; but what you’ve always vied for is the euphoric rush of anticipation, the power that runs through your veins, knowing just how much control you had at the tips of your fingers. You had exclusive information and everyone is all ears. You could release a simple audio and set millions abuzz.

At long last, the world is yours and you’re not theirs.

“No, not exactly,” you finally answer.

“Good then,” Solji huffs when she finally catches up with you at the end of the block, “because you should stop updating SS. I don’t want you involved with it anymore. I’ll have someone else in charge or maybe I’ll even pick it up again, just not you—”

“—what? No,” you vehemently shake your head, “no, why?”

“Because he’s your boyfriend, Y/N. Did you forget that all of a sudden or something? It’s unhealthy to be writing as a paparazzi for your boyfriend. Does he even know about this?”

“Yeah, he knows I’m one…”

“For the SS?” she articulates.

“...no,” your voice is nearly inaudible until you erupt in protest, “but you can’t do that. You can’t just take it away from—”

“—yes, I can,” she raises a brow at your behavior, “it’s my tabloid.”

A sharp intake of breath cuts your words off as you submit to a temporary defeat in silence. A breeze passes by, carrying your locks gently in its waves along with the dampened traffic in the distance.

It seems like the entire world is stripping you of your joys; because even Solji, the one motherly friend you could always rely on, is turning her back on you now.

Your colleague senses the tension in the stagnant air and speaks once again, “what’re you doing here anyway—”

—a black car pulls up and you don’t hesitate to enter when you recognize the familiar silhouette of his through the tinted windows.

“Do you always enter any stranger’s car—”

—Yoongi’s remark is interrupted by the shrieks belonging to a certain someone at the curbside. You had almost forgotten the reason SS was even created in the first place.

“Oh my GOD! I’m-I’m such a big fan, I’ve loved you since you were a trainee a-and, I just can’t believe!!!” Solji manages to shrill as she jumps up and down, completely overjoyed.

“Do you know her…?” Yoongi whispers, slight concern intermixed with bashful gratitude adorns his face as your supervisor continues to jump in circles.

“Yeah, she’s, um,” you stubbornly give in despite your grudge, knowing fully well how much this moment must mean to her, “she’s like a mother to me. She’s a huge fan. Probably your first, actually.”

Solji’s head violently bobs in agreement and Yoongi could only chuckle at her enthusiasm. Removing her hands from her cheeks that are streaked with her tears, she manages to scavenge through her pocket to find a notepad and pen. She wipes away the mascara streaks and fruitlessly attempts to regain composure. “I’m sorry, I really didn’t want to act like a crazy fan. I mean, I’m not a crazy fan, but could you… if it’s not too much of a bother… sign this…?”

“Yeah, of course.”

It’s difficult for you to hide the grin twirling at the corner of your lips as he reaches over you to further fuel the elation Solji must have been squealing over. Once the star finishes his business, Solji ducks to meet the two of you on eye-level, continuously expressing her gratitude to her idol for his time when, out of the blue, she redirects her remarks to you.

“Thank you, Y/N. Please understand I’m doing this for your own good,” she presses a bittersweet smile, even if you avoid her gaze by looking straight out the windshield. Chortling, she takes a few steps back onto the curb and waves you two goodbye, “have a nice date!”

The engine purrs to life as the window scrolls up and you’re left comfortably alone with Yoongi—until Xiao Lin’s voice echoes in the back of your mind. You had just given your entire life for this man whom you don’t even completely understand just yet. Lin has a point: who is that woman to him and why hasn’t he told you about her?

Could you really trust the last remaining figure, a man of many secrets, in your life?

“What does she mean ‘doing this for your own good?’’ he quirks an inquisitive brow while keeping his eyes on the road.

“Nothing really,” you mumble, looking out the window at the skyscrapers blurred by the warm golden streetlights.

“Really?” he muses. “She seems like she really cares for you. I’m grateful.”

“Grateful? Who’s this cheesy man and where did you take my Yoongi?”

Yoongi chuckles at your retort before reaching behind your seat to reveal the bouquet of pastel colored flowers. He tips the adornment in your direction, beckoning for your acceptance. “Congratulations on being fired.”

“Ah, yes, there he is,” you roll your eyes briefly, despite the apparent smile that stretches from ear to ear as you take the bouquet into your hands. You could tell he must have ordered for an excessive number of flowers because the ribbon hangs on for its dear life to keep the bouquet unified. Your eyes flutter closed and you relish in the fresh, floral scent.

But he’s lying. He’s keeping something from you.

Alarms sound off to interrupt the ephemeral moment of genuine bliss. It always does this. You always do this. Why can’t you just take things as it is? Why suspect him? You’d be better off living in ignorant bliss. Or is it your innate method of preventing the dreadful anxiety that comes with the painfully endless falls off the highs?

“Yoongi.”

“Hm?”

“Do you…” you struggle to speak, tongue-tied. “Do you… know anything about your CEO and how he’s coming up with your concepts?”

“Him? Coming up with our concepts?” his voice raises in surprise. “The boys and I come up with them ourselves. Why?”

“Nothing.”

Your attempt to conceal your utter relief is in vain.

“That’s a whole lot of nothing’s today,” he chuckles, catching a glimpse of you sniffing the bouquet before deciding not to press further. “Do you like the flowers?”

“Yeah, they’re pretty,” you turn to meet his cheerful gaze illuminated by the flood of red from the traffic light. “Why’re you suddenly acting like you’re my boyfriend?”

“Am I not your boyfriend?”

He returns his attention to the street when the red shadows on his skin flicker green.

“You never explicitly said anything about it.”

“Why should I?” he muses as his hands find yours by the gear stick. He then intertwines his fingers with yours. “I feel our connection. You feel our undeniable connection. Do we need any words to define us?”

Words to define us. Words to commit. Words to omit the truth in the wake of a lie.

“We do,” you firmly state and he turns to cock a brow at you. “I need to know who I’m with. I need the complete truth or else I can’t give my all in this relationship.”

“Okay—” the both of you could feel the drop in temperature and the rise in tension “—what do you need to know?”

“Do you know the daughter of the CEO who sponsored your movie premiere?”

“What premiere?”

You raise your voice, “the night we met.”

“Oh,” the firm grip of his hands go limp and something mercilessly hammers against your chest, “no, I don’t know the CEO’s daughter personally.”

Lies. Utter lies. He’s fucking lying.

Why? Just why?

Do you tell him you know more than he thinks you do? Would that be a foolish tactic?

“Are you sure?” you press.

I’m giving you one last chance.

“What’s up with you, Y/N?” Yoongi frowns, brows knitted.

“Nothing!” you nearly yell. Yoongi doesn’t react in the least bit. He retains that damn stupid cold facade of his, even as he lies. “Look me in the face and promise me you’re going to give this your all.”

Because I gave you my all.

“Y/N, what even,” he mutters under his breath, turning to stare at you straight in the eye. “There’s nothing going on between us—”

“—turn the corner,” you demand lowly. “I want to go home.”

“Y/N, is there something I need to know?” he exasperates, groaning when you fail to meet the frustration in his eyes and obliges to your orders. “What the fuck is going on—”

“—what’s going on is that you’re fucking lying to my face!”

Your screams stun him into silence. His lack of a response boils your blood.

“I told you to tell me the truth! I literally shoved the answer to your face and gave you multiple chances to confess!” you struggle to catch your breath, chest heaving up and down. “At least say something damn it!”

The car comes to an abrupt stop. He doesn’t waste a second and shoots a stern gaze your way. His once cool temperament has been replaced by the fire set ablaze in the grinding teeth of his, jaws jutting and eyes darkening. One hand of his still clutches the steering wheel so tightly you could see veins popping under his white collared shirt.

Both participants evidently fear the heated argument soon to erupt.

“I don’t have any feelings for her,” he enunciates. “I only like you. I swear.”

“You still lied to me.”

“I’m sorry,” he takes a deep breath and sighs, eyes never disconnecting from yours. “I’m really, really sorry.”

“Do you know—” you pause in a fruitless attempt to save yourself from breaking out into tears; instead, you choke over your sobs and despise the look of concern adorning that fake frown of his “—do you know how much I gave up for you? Do you know how much I left behind to protect you?”

“What do you mean—”

“—I gave up my career, Yoongi!” you bellow. “I belittle myself, I’ve become hooked on the idea of fame, I’ve become the very person I feared. I’ve bargained away my only companion for you and you betrayed me!”

“Y/N, just tell me what happened and I can fix it.”

He sounds genuine, but is he? Can you trust him? Can you trust anyone but yourself?

Can you even trust yourself?

“You can’t,” you fail to inhale silently in an attempt to conceal the shaky breaths of yours.

“And why not?”

“You can’t because,” your hands rummage through your purse for your phone so hastily that you almost cut yourself with your own nails, “because I told the one person I warned myself over and over not to trust but did anyways all because I loved you.”

The both of you are taken aback by your sudden confession; and if it weren’t for the condition that you’re in right now, maybe this would have been a monumental moment you would’ve spent hours and hours reliving and relishing through your memories.

“I loved you,” you repeat, eyes shaking,” and you hurt me.”

He hurt you. Maybe he didn’t mean to. Perhaps this is partially your fault for neglecting to fill him in on your side of the argument. This could be the moment you tell him about that night you caught sight of him with her on the balcony or about how you had just revealed your pen name and signed your career away if Lin were to use it against you for his sake.

But he hurt you.

People have trampled over you and you’ve had enough.

How do you hurt the people who have hurt you?

How did Yoongi hurt you?

You don’t realize the blinding screen of your phone where your blog and its eight tabs are on full display until Yoongi squeezes your left arm. The imprecise, hasty jabs of your fingertips at the screen render your phone unresponsive, only furthering your fueling frustration as you clutch the device to the point of numbing your hands.

Delete. Delete. Delete.

“What are you doing, Y/N?” he seems to have collected himself in comparison to your wrath.

“I’m deleting my shit,” you grumble through gritted teeth.

“I know you are,” he emphasizes, “but why are you? I know how happy your blog makes you. Why are you doing this? What’re you going to do about all the people who love and support you?”

“Why do you care?” you snap, stopping momentarily to shoot a death glare at him. “It’s not always a source of happiness for me. To tell you the truth, you brought me happiness when this blog couldn’t. You, Yoongi. How am I supposed to trust them if I can’t even trust the one person I thought would have my back?”

He’s silent. He’s holding back.

“How am I supposed to handle all this… all this pain? How do I—” you pause “—how do I get back at the people who hurt me? How do I regain control of my life?”

Silent, again. He’s biting his tongue.

“I take back the one thing I had that they wanted from me. The one thing they can’t have. Then, I’ll finally be in control again—”

“—what kind of fucking control is that?”

“Excuse me?”

“I said,” the flames in his orbs have ice crawling along your skin, “what kind of fucking control is that? How can you call yourself in control when people have literally forced you into taking down the works that provided you solace? How can you call yourself in control when you’ve allowed people to get into your head and push you to this state of darkness, to the point that you want to hurt? You have this stupid fucking complex about you and I get it. I really get it, but do you ever plan on acknowledging it or do I have to shove it in front of your face for you to understand?”

“What? What is it that a successful boy like you could understand about a girl born with nothing like me? Huh?”

Yoongi doesn’t hesitate to bring forth reality. Cold, cruel, just like your world.

“You think the whole world is against you and you’re nothing but its poor victim; but have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, others are suffering under your hands as well? That, maybe, there are people who are genuinely kind and those people deserve so much more of your fucking time than those dumbasses who don’t deserve the light of day. Won’t you trust in the people who light up your world like you’ve lightened mine? Won’t you?” he flinches at the waterworks that stain your cheeks. “Are you going to love yourself by accepting yourself or are you going to keep picking at the faults of others and acting blind in front of your own? When will you let down those walls, Y/N?”

An epiphany dawns upon you when you find your gaze fixated on his, locked and challenged; and for a second, it’s almost as if you’re staring at an older self in the mirror.

“You’re right,” you grab your purse and phone, kicking open the door. “There’s nothing left to love, not even myself.”

“That’s a lie,” he shakes his head, “at the very least, you should love yourself.”

“How can I?” you give him one last tilted, pressed grin before slamming the door. “How can I when even I have lost sight of myself?”

You can tell his heart shatters by your confession. His face turns pale, his lips part but fail to utter a single word of assurance, and he simply lets you go. Turning your back on him, you smile to yourself and take long, painful strides toward your front door.

Why does it hurt so much to bring him pain like you so wanted?

You’re on your way to self-discovery. All you need is to be alone again, like you’ve always told yourself to be, like you’ve always known would be best for you.

Your mind works on autopilot, as if distancing yourself from others is merely second nature to you by now. The accursed picture still haunts you even as you shut your eyes.

[99% uploading]

Now, finally, surely, you’ll be a hundred percent free from burden and the hands of……..

...

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morska-trava · 4 years

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14., 30., 40., 48. for the writer's ask? :3

Hello Nonnie, thank you for the asks!

14. How do you deal with self-doubts?

I absolutely do not. More often than not I let them consume me entirely, which means that I rarely really finish anything and even if I do, there’s a high chance that I will just save it and put it away instead of publishing it anywhere or letting anyone read it . However - and I really don’t want this to sound like a patronising self-help book, I am slowly coming to realise that this type of behaviour is not only self-destructive but also incredibly dumb on my part and certainly not doing me any favours, because, at the end of the day, I do not have any huge aspirations of becoming a renown author or anything like that, so it doesn’t really matter whether my writing is objectively speaking very good or not, so I just try to have as much fun with it as I can and hope that I at least somewhat like the final product. Whenever I do post something, I know that it is most probably not going to reach many people, and while that may seem discouraging to some, it’s actually somewhat of a comfort to me, because I know that there will not be a huge audience judging my every mistake and it also solidifies my wish to just write for writing’s sake or for my own. That being said, I am also very lucky to have a few people that I know will cheer me on no matter what, so my primary concern when writing is then both to make something that at least partially manages to convey what I wanted it to, as well as something that my limited audience will hopefully enjoy, and I don’t think there’s really anything else than I could be doing or telling myself.

(This got a bit long, I am very sorry aaaaaa)

30. Favorite idea you haven’t started on yet.

Already answered, but I can share another! It’s a story partially inspired by the Elsewhere University blog and partially with my childhood (and teenage) obsession with the fae. It is mainly based on the question of what happens when a fae gets your “true name”, except the main protagonist was nonbinary and constantly switching their names because they couldn't settle on one, and the name that the fae learns is their deadname, so not really their “true name” anymore. I hope I’ll manage to work on it soon because it has been sitting in the WIPs folder for a while, but I’m also having a slight moral dilemma over whether that is my story to tell or not.

40. Share some backstory for one of your characters

One of my recent favourites is Ezra from the second The Crane Wives inspired Nanowrimo short story. In the story, he is 22 and just came home for the summer before the next uni semester starts. He studies archaeology because he had a Greek phase in his childhood that he never really got over it, but his primary interest currently lies in the eggshell pottery of the Longshan neolithic culture from China. He was always a quiet kid and was mostly alone until Astrid decided to befriend him, and they have been inseparable ever since. He likes to let her info dump about her new interests because he knows she appreciates it that someone listens to her rant about them, and it also allows for him to discover new interests and hobbies over her (like the drawing course for example). His mother was an absent parent and while they get on well, they don’t really speak all that often, especially not now that he’s off to college. He also started working part-time in a bar near his dorms and is quite popular with the guests and coworkers alike because of his good looks and calming demeanour. I intended to write him as aro-ace, even though I don’t think he would have found the words for that yet in the current storyline, but I definitely hope I managed to convey it.

48. What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written.

Oooff. I think there are little bits and pieces of me in every character and story I’ve ever written. Especially with the characters, I think that a lot of times I give them either some of the qualities that I like to think I have or the ones that I would like to grow to have or that I admire in others. That being said, my most self-insert characters so far are probably Orla (the mc from the fae story), Ezra (through whom I basically wanted to explore what being ace meant to me) and my d&d character Vega (on whom I am basically just projecting all my past trauma because that’s what d&d’s for), and the most self-insert scene is probably a breakup scene from one of my other short stories that I never really finished, through which I basically wrote about my first breakup, except the characters got the resolution that I wanted to get in real life, but I know I probably never will.

Thank you again for the asks and I am really sorry that everything got so long ;-;

#thanks for the asks 💙#writers asks #asks answered #ana rambles #personal

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paperclipninja · 5 years

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Younger post-ep ramble 6x12

So we've reached the end of yet another season of Younger and it seems like it only started 5 mins ago but also the premiere ep feels like 5 months ago and I'm sitting somewhere between denial and not coping because WHAT WAS THAT ENDING??? How are you all holding up? Holy shamole, the season 6 finale, 'Forever' (named because that's how long it's going to feel between this ep and the season 7 premiere), gave us a lot to process.

Picking up the day after the last episode, this week opens with Kelsey letting Liza know that it's her last day at Millennial, which triggers one of my fave scenes of the season as Liza dashes up to Charles' office to intercept Kelsey's 'Dear John' resignation letter before he sees it. One thing I have always loved about Liza is that despite the entire premise of the show up until this season being Liza's lie, she is so awful at actually lying, which is fab for us because Sutton Foster's comedic genius that comes out of her awkward over-explaining is golden. Charles knows she's lying, Liza knows he knows she's lying, the way Charles says 'I won't report you to HR' after Liza says she's taking the letter back because it's inappropriate almost calls for a fire blanket *fans self*, the entire exchange is SO good and somehow continues to get better when Liza decides to tell Charles that the 'really sexy stuff' is actually in the form of a limerick (I also love that he knows it's not her handwriting, I don't know why, I am simple folk and might be imagining that they leave little notes around for each other...). I want to read that limerick.

Kelsey finally catches up and props to her for even being able to walk let alone run in that amazing pink leather skirt, and she saves Liza from herself by informing Charles that she is in fact resigning and hands over her letter (which I also want to read btw). The delightful dynamic that's been developing between Kelsey and Charles these past few episodes continues as Charles implores her to take a leave, that she's too important and when Kelsey goes to shake his hand, which then turns into a hug and it's sweet and lovely, the way she leans on his arm is so daughterly and emphasises the 'family' theme of the season and seriously, I just wanted to see more of these two working together then this happened and all I was thinking at this point was, why aren't we allowed nice things?

Oh but we are, as I was quickly reminded by Diana Trout in the most incredible purple suit and turquoise accessories combo. Everything about her and this outfit belongs on an aspirational poster. We discover that Liza has deputized Lauren for some maid of honour duties and that about a week has passed since Kelsey left. Diana's strained, 'WE'RE HAPPY' is deceived by her shouting (as well as Lauren pointing out that both Diana and Liza's offices are out of Kleenex, ya know, because of crying and whatnot and p.s. I'm not ok at the thought of Queen Trout office crying), but the expression that flashes across her face oh so briefly when Liza says Kelsey's coming to the wedding is real happiness and relief (have I mentioned this week how amazing Miriam Shor is with her ability to say so much with just a look?).

I have absolutely adored seeing the relationship between Diana, Liza and Kelsey develop and grow this season, and Diana's reactions to her being able to attend the wedding but not the spa day speaks volumes to the genuine love and friendship they share. 'How can you be so bad at this maid of honour stuff? You're a thousand years old, this can't be your first rodeo'- I'm not even saying anything about that line, I just wanted to put it in my ramble somehow because it is so stellar it needs to be here because Diana giving Liza a hard time about her age now is everything and then some.

While Liza and Diana are heading to the Uncle Joe meeting, Kelsey and Zane are having a meeting of their own in the park. Kelsey reveals that she's branching out on her own and wants to give him her pitch for feedback. Zane offers her some advice, 'don't do it' and also suggests Kelsey check her ego, which in every other season and even the first part of this one I would've been saying 'YESSS, boom!' but now, not so much. But also a little bit. I am still quite confused about this whole dynamic and don't know if I like it or if I care. I liked Kelsey's response, 'with respect, my resume looks different to yours', she seemed very level headed, though it became evident fairly quickly that this conversation was less about work and more about their relationship for Zane. Zane saying she thought stepping down as publisher was her worst moment, he thought she was awesome, he wanted to be there for her was lovely and supportive and the confusion remains, Zane was being sweet but also maybe not? I'm not sure. There is definitely some truth in the fact that Kelsey does tend to play the victim (or has in the past at least). Regardless, Kelsey's expression as she was there on her own on the bench after Zane walked off oozed sadness, someone give that woman a hug.

Meanwhile at Uncle Joe's, aka Enzo's 'small g' godfather (I love the running gag of Enzo reassuring Diana he's not connected to the mafia), Diana, Enzo and Liza are in for a treat as the ice sculpture is revealed (LOL at Liza asking if it's the heart piece and complimenting it only to be told, 'no that's for a dog funeral'). A trout coming out of a toilet is honestly the greatest thing I could never have imagined, it is so literal and enormous and I love that someone actually had to make it and I think we were all Liza as she stated, 'I under-prepared'. Liza has her maid of honour duties cut out for her, but deploys two people who will definitely ensure the Trout/toilet masterpiece will never see the light of day. Maggie buttering up Joe to distract him is way too easy and then Lauren...what are you doing? You don't need to take your underwear off mate, take the pic with the safety of knicker fabric. I legit crossed my legs as the whole thing unfolded. I've gotta hand it to Uncle Joe for so calmly accompanying Lauren to the office to get the first aid kit despite his masterpiece being destroyed.

Before Maggie tackles the ice sculpture we see her once again being the oracle of the show when Kelsey rocks up at the loft looking for Liza (who Maggie says is in Queens and 'said something about Ice Capades, which is so Liza' - of course Liza would love theatrical figure skating). Can we just take a minute to appreciate how goddamn amazing Maggie looks in this episode? Her dress/headband combo in the scene with Kelsey is divine and I am in complete admiration of anyone who sits around at home dressed like that, fully made up and accessorised. If anyone turns up to my place unexpectedly I spend a good couple of minutes shouting 'just a minute' while I run around frantically trying to swap out pyjama pants with, well, not pyjama pants. Actual goddess. Kelsey being humble after a whole lot of tough pitches, 'maybe Zane was right, I let my ego get in the way', really shows the growth this character has had this season, and Maggie peps her with, 'do you still believe in yourself?' before suggesting that, 'sometimes you have to get into bed with the devil'. Turns out there's some kind of excellent story attached to how Maggie got her loft and I do love a tease, would love to see the follow up down the track (WHO did she get into bed with is all I wanna know).

Even though it's fairly obvious who Kelsey is going to get cosy with to try and secure some cashola, as she finishes her pitch (which is pretty darn amazing lbh), the reveal of Quinn at the end of the table is so damn fabulous. KLP Print is definitely up there with the worst names (seems it's true Younger style to intro terrible publishing house names in finales, shoutout to last year's Chick(y) and Kelsey using her initials as the title is so basic when she never is that it's really funny). My love of Quinn is no secret and I have to say, I would have LOVED to see an exploration of those two working together again properly. Fortunately we get more Quinn when she interrupts Liza and Charles at lunch. Liza is talking about how much pressure she's feeling and I know it's not the most interesting conversation but it's real stuff that people in real relationships talk about and I get that it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I just adore seeing Liza being so open with Charles about how she's feeling and Charles always listening with understanding and in this case, suggesting a vacation.

Liza seems quite caught off guard by the proposition of a merging-of-the-families trip to Scotland, though her smile when Charles says, 'I thought it was time we all get to know each other a little better', indicates she is up for it (once she checks with Caitlin, which we can take as confirmation she is in fact alive, she has been located and she is ok. No word yet on Beth). Also, my sappy little heart when Liza says, 'if WE leave the girls with Caitlin’, Liza defaulting to her and Charles and the girls as a little unit, not to mention that she's thinking that this trip will involve her and Charles getting some time alone together *le sigh*. But back to Quinn, I am here for icy Liza and Charles and Laura Benanti's ability to convey such a sense of not caring at all about what people think is incredible. As Quinn teases that she's teaming up with someone 'who used to work for you or with you or beside you, it's always so confusing over there' (these lines and delivery I swear) the actual award goes to her exiting line, 'my biggest donor is over there. Watching him eat is the hardest thing I do'. Actual laughing out loud. And yes Charles and Liza, it can be Kelsey (and spoiler alert: it is).

Now part of the reason Liza was late to her maid of honour duties earlier in the ep is because she discovered that a book pitch meeting has been booked for the day before the big wedding. I hate this author so much. He is the actual worst of any author I can remember pitching on this show, I just wanted him to go away the moment he started talking (he reminds me a bit of the boss from The IT Crowd for anyone playing at home who knows that show). The only purpose he served IMO was to get Redmond on our screen, which was totally worth it if only to hear him try to have a dig at Diana but only able to come up with, 'you,...you are ageless'. The other highlight of the scene is Diana's retort to Redmond having yet another swipe at her and Liza being there sans Kesley and that is Diana's 'you know what they say? IHL...it's her loss. They don't say that, do they?' to which Liza responds, ' I don't...I'm not sure'. I am outright obsessed with Diana and Liza and need them in every possible scenario please and thank you.

Don't get me wrong, Michael Urie delivers every zinger like noone else, but this whole scene in the context of the episode felt like a hark back to the OTT ageist jokes of season 1 and it all felt like it was for the sake of it tbh (though ‘elderly dithering’ still makes me chuckle) I get it, JOMO, giving up the imaginary, alternate life to be in the real one, very much building on the set up of Liza leaving behind her 26 year old life, but this was 2 mins and 41 seconds that could have been wedding time. I would've honestly watched a whole ep of Diana getting ready and the wedding very happily, but I appreciate that there was a lot that needed to be addressed, so even a couple more mins would've been wonderful and could've served this episode more than that insufferable author and pretty pointless pitch (plus Redmond was invited to the wedding so we could've had Redmond and bonus wedding time so win win! Next time...).

It was nice to see Kelsey and Liza out having a drink and catching up. Liza once again assures Kelsey that she supports her in whatever she does but makes it quite clear that she thinks going into business with Quinn is a terrible idea. Kelsey then fills Liza in on what Josh is up to, Liza fills Kelsey in on their convo from the week before that did not go down so well and Kelsey isn't surprised because apparently Liza is 'kind of the most important woman in his life who isn't teething'. You know what? That actually made me really sad. I mean, Josh and Liza have not been in a romantic relationship for what, 18 months or two years? He lives with Kelsey and Lauren, has a great relationship with Maggie, (I'm not dense btw, I understand why this line is there), but Josh not having any other women who he would consider important in his life despite all these amazing female friends?

One thing I was enjoying about Josh this season was his moving forward and having a purpose. After last season's terrible stagnation for his character, seeing him reestablish a relationship with Claire, have a baby, his friendship with Lauren continuing to evolve, it was all looking so on track. Then these past couple of episodes, I feel like he's had a massive regression again and I just feel bad for the character and think that surely he can serve a purpose beyond pining for Liza because he did that already for the whole of season 5. I do like that Liza is sticking with her mantra of making choices in life, of refocusing on other things, on new horizons and I do believe she's really trying, but her fickleness is certainly a constant struggle for her throughout the whole series. More and more, especially since the lie came out, I'm seeing Liza's longing for or looking back more at the life of a 26 year old and it'll be interesting to see if it's Josh she's actually feeling she's missing out on or the life he represented (and which there's no reason she can't live aspects of now). Liza's forlorn expression when Kelsey toasts to 'no looking back' has also been making quite a few appearances these past few eps.

Aside from my fave terrible person Quinn, my other favourite recurring guest this season has been Infinitely 21's Shelly. As she and Josh are finalising the Inkburg Midtown details, her unquenchable thirst once again becomes apparent as she tells him, 'we all want a piece of you..I keep saying piece, I don't even know why' (I love Josh's, 'it happens', I mean how do you even respond to someone like Shelly?) As Shelly and Josh go through his look book to find some pieces appropriate for a 'tat and scat', Shelly of course sees the hourglass and loves it but Josh, dude, why is it in the look book if it was a one off? C'mon. Again, I get it for the story and Shelly is on it, 'please don't say you forgot who she is'. Oh sweet, innocent Shelly, if only you knew.

Ok, now the reason we're all here, THE event of the year and that of course is the Royal Wedding. Everyone looks amazing (Maggie = wowsers!) and I have made no secret of my excitement at seeing the whole Younger fam glammed up at an event together. It's really happening!!! Liza has finally figured out her maid of honour gig as she welcomes guests, including Enzo's mother who proclaims she saw a crow flying upside down on the way to the church, 'it's a bad omen', to which Liza accurately and hilariously replies, 'especially for the crow'.

Upon hearing from Liza that Kelsey wants something that she owns, Charles finds himself a seat next to Kelsey in the church and oh my heart. I honestly never anticipated that I would be gushing about the relationship between these two characters, despite the fact I had it as a wish for season 6, it has exceeded my expectations. Charles' sincerity in offering Kelsey a stake in the company, asserting that she is family, 'I knew that the day you sacrificed everything you wanted to save us', ok it was me who took all the Kleenex from Diana and Liza's offices because EMOTIONS. His gratitude is genuine and deep, I mean never mind that it was her drunken error that caused the issue, Charles' whole refocus on the importance of the people around him this season really lead to this wonderful moment and he leaves the ball in her court knowing he has done all he can to show Kelsey that she really is valued.

Liza helping Diana from the car, OH. EM. GEE I am in love. Diana and Liza's friendship is my highlight of this entire season and this exchange did not disappoint. Diana looks so amazing. Her necklace that Liza helped Enzo pick out has it's own moons probably and Diana telling Liza that 'as a maid of honour you're slow burn but in the end you're white hot' was almost too much but also exactly the right amount. Fun fact: When you look up the meaning of magnificent in the dictionary you get this gif of the doors opening on Diana as she waits to enter the church. She is composed and beautiful and as she walks towards the beaming Enzo, Kesley and Zane are rekindling, which is sweet but again, who knows for how long? There's just so much happiness and love in the air! It is everything I ever hoped for and more. I do wish we'd heard the vows and/or seen the 'I now pronounce you husband and wife' though, I am legit sad that we didn't see at least a little bit of the ceremony.

We also have Josh turning up as the plus one, ok yes, it makes sense Lauren would invite him but also, have some self respect man. On the one hand I get it, when you are so infatuated with someone you will do anything to see them, but Liza specifically asked for some space so I am struggling to understand why he would accept the invite or at least not text Liza and give her a heads up or ask if she minds or something you know? Again, I know it's TV and there needs to be the DRAH-MAH etc. In saying that, the tattoo conversation I actually thought was lovely.

Prior to that though, my dream of seeing everyone at the event together is realised, we see Maggie's ice sculpture and the hint at a Maggie and Lauren rekindling (also, Liza going over to Charles in the background and cosying up to him, I see you). We do catch the end of Diana and Enzo's first dance and hear Diana referred to as Mrs. DeLuca. Enzo giving her a hard time about her eye twitch every time she is called that is so freaking adorable and Diana and Enzo together are adorable IT'S JUST ALL ADORABLE and seeing Diana so relaxed and happy is honestly everything and yes, I'M GUSHING. Again.

I do like that Josh calls himself out, that it is super weird seeing him at the wedding. Because it really is. Josh looked devastated at Liza's initial response to the tattoo question and to me, it’s because her saying he can use it is like she's so willing to let go of him that she doesn't even want to preserve anything from the time they were together. I think that for Josh, her answer was indicative of whether she was really closing him out of her life for good. I'm finding the use of flashbacks (last week in the montage this week with the tattoo) interesting in these Josh/Liza interactions, it's not something the show has ever really done before and while last week's certainly felt like a poignant reflection, I can't help but wonder if it's also serving the purpose of reminding the audience of the relationship that once was in an effort to get viewers on side with it again (obviously many viewers never stopped wanting them together).

But I do completely understand Liza's decision not to want anyone else to have the tattoo. It is theirs, it signifies an important part of her life and their relationship and this scene did what Younger does so infuriatingly well. Last year it was the cacao dream and this year it is this scene, there is enough ambiguity to interpret this scene as either closure and a transition of Josh and Liza's relationship away from anything romantic or for those fans of the Josh and Liza romance, it allows for hope that it may reignite one day. It was left open and closed enough to go either way.

The moment I heard 'Take my breath away' playing, I swear, I could not BELIEVE my ears. I never thought this show would do something so cliche yet here we are and I loved every second of it. Liza calling it 'our song', asking Charles if he asked them to play it and the way he answered I AM DYING (note to self - any episode that plays this Berlin hit will involve a proposal). Seeing Liza and Charles slow dancing on that dance floor was everything, I am such a sucker for a couple dancing like this and it was perfect, I may be melting into a puddle of goo just thinking about the way he holds her hand so close to his heart (though Liza's apprehensive look about the Scotland trip wasn't a fave, she seemed pretty relieved to be able to get out of that one). There I was watching, my simple mind and face grinning at the dancing when suddenly I hear the word honeymoon. I'm sorry, WHAT?! Ok, so I, along with many others I'm sure, had an inkling there might be a proposal. I have to say that in my mind Charles Brooks would never propose at someone else’s wedding, HOWEVER he himself has admitted to being impulsive when it comes to matters of the heart and the moving in conversation from episode 8 was when my cogs began to turn and wonder if we mightn't see something like this play out.

I LOVE how he's just speaking softly into her ear, it's so damn intimate and as Charles begins his beautiful speech there's a smile that flashes across Liza's face as she computes what's happening, because she's a human person who has the most romantic monologue ever being delivered to her. His pause as he says 'with...everything about you' ugh, his love for her is palpable in that moment, I seriously need a lie down just from writing about it. Kelsey barging in with 'I do, I DO, I've been trying to think of a reason not to say yes but there isn't one' (listen to your friend Liza, she is wise) is so perfect, it's SO Younger, her answer being the answer Liza should've been giving (and the fact she didn’t setting up the cliffhanger rather nicely). Meanwhile, Liza is trying not to have a panic attack as all the fab women band together to ‘We are family’, but as she gets caught in the middle of the conga line, Charles expectant and hopeful and her smiling, they share that moment between the two of them despite the chaos around them, as their eyes remain locked across the room.

The beauty of television is that you get on for the ride and you never know where you might end up. At the start of the season I certainly wouldn't have thought waiting to hear Liza's response to Charles proposing would be the finale cliffhanger and I'm not sure how I feel about it to be honest, but you know what the only good thing about a 9 month hiatus between seasons is? We get 9 months to speculate and theorise and re-watch the whole series a normal number of times *cough* and digest it all.

And that, folks, is another season of our fave show done. I do plan to do a season review at some point, but I just want to thank all of you who indulge me by reading the excessive number of words I plonk on a page week after week, the interactions and feedback are wonderful and I really appreciate it all.

I guess it’s time to get back to those real life responsibilities I’ve been ignoring the past 3 months (though JOMO, amirite?).

#youngertv #younger tv #ramble #6x12 #younger season 6 #liza miller #charles brooks #kelsey peters #diana trout #enzo deluca #maggie amato #lauren heller #zane anders #liza x chalres #diana x enzo #denzo #team charles

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grandmascottlang · 5 years

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a beauty and a beast ch.1 (b.b.)

So. I am so freaking sorry that this has taken weeks to come out. So much happened that I don’t really want to get into, but it really prevented me from being able to finish and post this story, and I’m really excited to write it! This is for @sincerelymlg‘s writing challenge! I hope you enjoy this! (Also note: I changed the story a little bit so that it is more modern but it still follows the main story!)

Masterlist | Taglist | Buy me a ko-fi?

Summary: A tale as old as time between a beauty and a beast. [Modern!Beauty and the Beast!AU]

Warnings: Fluff, angst, slightly unedited writing, Bucky isn’t in this part (sorry!), also if you squint there might be a Good Omens reference or two lol

Words: 1.6k

[A/N: I just revamped my taglist and deleted everyone on it so I wouldn’t have to go through over 200 accounts to see who was active. If you’re currently not on my taglist and want to be added, please click the link above! On top of that, if you add yourself to my taglist and don’t interact within three stories (which includes this one!) you will be removed.]

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a young woman who was obsessed with reading, writing, and anything else that had to do with literature. She lived in a small town where everyone knew everyone. But when she was reading, she was in her own little world. And people didn’t like that.

The people of this village liked people who were open and very involved in the community, so when someone was reclusive and shied away from most community events, rumors were started.

“Maybe she’s crazy.”

“Maybe she’s ill.”

“Maybe she’s waiting for the right moment to leave.”

Leaving the community was almost as scary as someone finding the small town that was in the middle of nowhere and attempted to move in. Needless to say, the people feared change. The very thought of change irked them to their cores, scorched their souls, reeked of treason, or rather, resentment.

[Name] was never one to shy away from these rumors, she didn’t want to be like everyone else who acted almost robotically, she always thought of her village as one of the cities that she read about in dystopian societies. It was too perfect for her, and nothing in the world should be and truly is perfect.

Her adoptive father, Steve Rogers, was always encouraging her to break out of the norm and be her own individual instead of being what everyone expected of her. She excelled in school and aspired to be a famous published author after she made it out of her hometown.

“Dad?” She asked Steve one day.

Steve cocked an eyebrow at her, briefly pausing from his writing. He was in the process of writing a fictitious war novel, most likely another one of his best sellers (except of course in the town the two lived in, where becoming a writer was looked down upon and shunned). “Hm?” He turned around in his spinning office chair to look at his daughter. “Something you need?”

“I just wanted to run an idea by you quickly before I head over to the bookshop and before you leave for your convention! My favorite author, besides you of course,” she chuckled, always having admired her old man’s writing, “is gonna be over there signing! I found out that he was going to stop here during his book tour at the bookshop!” She began to converse with Steve about his thoughts about the idea and afterward, she grabbed the book that she wished to get signed along with her bag and bolted out of the house, yelling a quick “Bye, dad!” as her hand turned the handle to go outside.

On her dash over to the bookshop, eyes tracked her path, followed by sneers and rude statements being said to her. Seeing someone run to the bookshop was odd, and to the town, she really was an odd girl.

She opened the door to the surprisingly large bookstore (which looked from the outside as if it took up an eighth of the space as it did in reality), heading to the second floor of the store.

“Hello, [Name]! Good to see that you’re back again! Are you here for the book signing?” the store owner questioned her, a bright smile on her face.

“Vienna! I’ve missed you! I’m sorry I haven’t been able to stop by recently, but I’ve been working on my own writing so much that I really haven’t thought of giving myself a break,” she giggled, scratching the back of her neck in embarrassment. “And yes! I’ve been so excited about this for weeks! I’ve been telling my dad about how much I love his book and when I saw our little village on the book tour list, I screamed!”

“Oh, stop it, girl, you just stopped by last week to pick up a book! Don’t apologize. And I was so excited! His agent, however peculiar, reached out to me and asked if he could stop here during his book tour and of course, I said yes! He is one of my favorite authors after all, too!” Vienna said, beginning to ramble off about the email that she received from the author’s quite… odd agent to say the least as she began to lead [Name] over to where the book signing was.

“Anyway, as soon as you get your book published, you have to let me know! I really wanna sell it here; I have to support my best friend!” Vienna smiled over at [Name] before stopping in front of the author’s signing booth.

[Name] smiled back, waving as her friend, the bookshop owner, began to walk away to reshelve some books that had just been shipped to her store.

She pulled the book out of her bag, smiling at the blond man in front of her. “Hi, I’m [Name] and I absolutely adore your books, Mr. Fell! All of your historical fiction seems very real but at the same time, extremely entertaining and interesting to read, it’s impossible for me to put a book down!”

“Have fun this weekend, old man!” [Name] waved her dad off as he pulled out of the driveway, smiling at her before focusing his attention on the road.

[Name] walked back in the house, closing the door behind behind her. She told Steve to text her as soon as he was boarding his plane to the convention, and the name of it had slipped her mind. While she waited for his text, she picked up the book that she was currently reading and waited, passing the time with a good book.

After a few hours and no word from Steve, [Name] began to get worried. Seventeen of her calls went to voicemail and she grabbed her car keys and dashed out of the house.

She remembered her dad saying that he was going to take a short cut to the airport through the forest by the town and she began her drive in that direction.

She couldn’t remember there ever being a forest by the town until a few months ago and the woods seemed more mysterious than they initially had. As she drove deeper into the woods, it got darker and became almost pitch black when it was only an hour past noon when she started driving. On top of that, it was the middle of summer and it was snowing. Something wasn’t right.

Her headlights reflected off of something and she stopped the car. She hopped out and didn’t worry about her feet getting wet from the snow. She had other things to worry about.

She walked closer to what her headlights were reflecting off of. Steve’s car was totaled and his phone was in shambles. She could see spots of blood staining the snow red, leading away from the car and deeper into the forest.

She shivered from the cold and headed back into her car, following the general direction of the blood. She was also shaking from the thought of what could’ve happened to Steve.

[Name] drove for about twenty minutes until she stumbled across a clearing in the forest, revealing a mysterious looking castle. ‘Why have I never seen this place before or at least heard of it?’ she questioned herself as she opened her car door, exiting her car. She slammed the door shut, seemingly in awe of the massive structure in front of her. She walked up the marble staircase, continuing to follow Steve’s (or at least what she believed was Steve’s) blood.

The castle oozed an aura of nobility and richness, but it was covered in vines and in different places, the castle looked almost faded away. It looked very regal, yet run down at the same time. The doors were a great example of this: they were large, ebony-wooden doors that were carved to portray a scene of a knight riding on his horse into battle and the night seemed to be almost faded into the background, with moss covering his face.

Once [Name] had opened the doors to the strange castle, she looked around the grand foyer. “Dad? Dad, where are you?” she screamed. She began to look around more frantically when she heard a faint “[Name]?” from somewhere deep in the castle.

The castle was fairly well-lit, the girl looked and admired all of the architecture, it seemed as if it had been ripped right from the pages of her favorite novels. It was very fairytale-esque and the girl questioned how on Earth no one had mentioned that such a place existed only a few miles away from the town.

While she marveled at the architecture, she also noticed that every piece of furniture, every decoration, had a very antique feeling to it. Even though many of these items seemed outdated, they looked as if they had been used regularly and recently, however, the castle seemed deserted and empty.

There was a candelabrum placed on a small, oddly placed table. The candelabrum was immaculate and very well detailed, with gold leaves and vines traveling along all of the different “arms” holding up the candles. There wasn’t a single spot on it that faded with age and it looked shiny as if it was new. There was a box of matches next to it, clearly placed there to light the wicks of the candles.

The table stood next to a large, dark oak door. When [Name] opened the door, there was a staircase leading downwards, without any lighting leading down into the passage.

[Name]’s first instinct was to reach for her phone and use the flashlight on it, but she couldn’t find her phone anywhere. She facepalmed after remembering that she left it in the car’s cupholder and she knew that her dad was more important than any phone.

She struck one of the matches on the striking surface, lit the three candles on the candelabrum, and began her descent further and deeper into the castle.

Permanent Taglist (Strikethrough means that I wasn’t able to tag you!)

@sendspidermanpics @coffeebucko @eternallovers65 @ymeradonnadx @spidey-pal

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spnfanficpond · 4 years

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Pond Diving - Katelynw93

Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!

Want to volunteer, send us an ask! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.

“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You

Name: Katelyn, but most people call me Kate, Katie or sometimes even Kat.

Age: 27

Location: Originally from Kansas, but have been located in Upstate NY for the last six years.

URL: @katelynw93

Why did you choose your URL: It’s usually the username that I use for everything and if I’m being honest, I’m not very creative when it comes to titles or names. Lol. I’ve been meaning to change it; I just need to decide on what.

What inspired you to become a writer: Well, when I was in middle school (maybe seventh or eighth grade), my best friend and I decided to write a story together and post it on a fanfiction site (Can’t remember the site name, though.) And I just loved it. We never did finish that story. Lol. But eventually I started branching out and found some roleplay writing sites.

How long have you been writing: Started writing in middle school (2006/2007), but really got into it in 2009 with RP. However, September of this year (2020) was the first year I started really writing fics by myself and opening posting them.

What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc? I work a lot, usually an average of 40+ hours a week; I am a manager at a popular food chain restaurant and on the weekends, a cashier at a gas station to provide a little extra cash for my family. When I’m not working, my time is spent with my two kids; Alekzander (Zander) who just turned five this past November and Lincoln (Link) who will be two in February. Outside of work and my family, I’m usually writing. Sometimes if I’m feeling extra creative or inspired, I’ll create a few crackships for couples I really enjoy. Lol.

How long have you been in the SPN Fandom? I actually found Supernatural around the same time I started writing, so back in ninth grade, so 2008/2009. It was honestly an accident too, because I was searching for Smallville episodes (I have an unhealthy addiction to Superman and DC/Marvel.) and stumbled upon an ad for Supernatural. Was instantly intrigued and fell in love. Seasons 1 - 5 (the Kripke era) are my favorite.

Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? Oh yea, I love TV shows and movies, and as I’ve already stated above, I love DC and Marvel. I’ve also written for Grey’s Anatomy and am willing to write for more, but SPN, DC and Grey’s are currently the only ones I’ve written for. I love The Vampire Diaries, One Tree Hill, Private Practice, Station 19, 9-1-1, Game of Thrones, The Witcher, Merlin, Dexter, Psych, and so, so many more. There are too many to list. Lol.

Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it? Other than RPing, not really. I mean, I did try to do an original story with my friend when I was younger, but it never went anywhere. But I am willing to try someday.

Favorite published author: Other than the really big authors like; J.K. Rowling, George R.R. Martin, Jim Butcher, Nicholas Sparks, Suszanne Collins, I really like (and maybe it’s cliche) Stephenie Meyer. The Twilight Saga made me fall in love with reading and eventually, that love led me to writing. Those books hold a special place in my heart.

Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?: Well, I guess I sort of answered that one already. But there truly are so many amazing books out there and still so many more to discover.

Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc): Oh man, I’m not gonna lie, a majority of what I read is probably smut. But I am particularly fond of angst. I want you to make me cry. Really dig and stab into my emotions. Lol. And then come back in with some fluff. Haha.

Favorite piece of your own writing: Well, that would have to be Sweet Cherry Pie because it was really the first piece I’ve ever finished and published online. It was inspired by an RP that I am currently involved in and they are my favorite couple in said RP. It got so much positive feedback after I shared it that it inspired me to keep writing. I was so nervous about posting it, but I am glad I did.

Most underrated fic you have written: Oh I’m not sure. Maybe Love Bites. I am a sucker for Supernatural and The Vampire Diaries crossovers. I really loved writing this fic and am eager to write more.

Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Oh damn, um, it’d be cool to see any of them like that. But maybe Sweet Cherry Pie or Out of the Fire (my firefighter!Dean series).

Favorite Tumblr Writer(s): There are so many, but I usually find myself reading work from; @impala-dreamer, @katehuntington @deanwanddamons, @muchamusedaboutnothing.

Favorite Fic from another writer: This one is tough because there are so many amazing fics out there, especially ones that I adddddore; but if forced to choose, one story that will always stick with me would have to be Treacherous by @idkhaylijah OR The Sullivan Series by Kate Huntington

Favorite character to write: Dean Winchester. I adore Dean and he’s probably the easiest for me to write. I have written the most fics with him and I portray him often in the RPs that I do.

Favorite Pairing to write: Dean with anyone, but my favorite would be Dean x Caroline.

Least favorite character to write (and why): That’s a tough one, cause there’s not really any that I’m uncomfortable with or dislike writing. Maybe characters with accents, because I don’t really know how to capture that in writing yet? I’m pretty open with my writing and am willing to try mostly anything.

Do you have anyone you consider a mentor? Oh definitely. When I first started RPing, there was another girl (Jocelyn) that I used to write with and she influenced a lot of my writing. She was older than me and had more experience and gave me a lot of tips on how to get better. She is an amazing writer and had the potential of going far with it, but life happens and unfortunately, she doesn’t write anymore. But she is booming on Youtube, so that’s pretty impressive. It’s pretty cool to see how far she’s come.

Do you have any aspirations involving your writing? I used to want to be a journalist when I was younger, but other than that, not really. I just want to have fun with it and write something meaningful for someone, and always improve and get better.

How many work-in-progress stories do you have: I have a few ideas jotted down, maybe ten, but I haven’t actually started any of them. I have so many bingo cards I need to finish, but with my work schedule, it’s been pretty crazy.

What are you currently working on? My main project is Out of the Fire.

“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing

What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing? Definitely the RPing that I’ve done and am currently doing. My friend Alesha has been the longest RP partner that I’ve had and her writing is phenomenal - and it helps a lot too when your mind's work in similar ways; her and I always seem to be on the same wavelength when it comes to writing. I love it. But like me, she has a very busy schedule and writing is limited.

Best writing advice you've been given: Have fun with it, write what you want to write and always be open to helpful criticism. And don’t stress about it, either. Write in your own time. It’s meant to be fun, not stressful.

Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Just finding the time to write and getting over being so self conscious about my writing. I don’t let anyone in my real life read what I write.

What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? Just capturing the personalities of the canon characters sometimes; if it’s a character I’m not used to writing, I worry about portraying them the right way. And I have trouble individualizing the characters (separating them from myself/my own personality), like when I create an OC for an RP, sometimes when I have too many, their personalities all become the same in ways (if that makes sense?). And accents. I have trouble with accents. Oh, and fight/action scenes. They take me a bit.

Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): I am always going to be afraid, no matter what it is that I’m writing, because I worry about it succeeding. I want to write for other fandoms though, I guess, but like I said, I worry about capturing the characters right and having a decent storyline that is unique.

What inspires/motivates you to write: Honestly, positive feedback. I love hearing what people think about my writing and it motivates me to continue.

How do you deal with self-doubt: That’s a tough one. I guess I just look towards my writing friends or beta’s for reassurance or I go back and read the positive comments and likes on the fics I’ve already shared. It encourages me to continue.

How do you deal with writer's block: I usually listen to music and I’ll look up gifs of my favorite characters, create stories in my head with those gifs or I’ll create gif sets of specific scenes. If that doesn’t work, I’ll take a break and watch one of my favorite TV shows for inspiration.

Do you plan/outline your story before you start: For my RPs, I have a group chat with those I’m writing with and we usually shoot ideas back and forth, but mostly we wing it. For my fics, I normally just wing it, but with Out of the Fire, I have a rough idea of what I want from each part. With that said, my ideas or plans often change as I’m writing. These characters have a mind of their own sometimes. Lol.

Do you have any weird writing habits: I don’t know about any weird habits, but I always have music on and I guess I have to do it in spurts. I’ll write a few paragraphs or sentences, pause and scroll tumblr or facebook or gifs, and then go back, reread what I wrote and then write a few more. Rise and repeat.

Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it? So far, no I haven’t, and I hope I don’t ever have to deal with that. But I know it’s bound to happen. I guess if I were to ever encounter that, I’d like to say that I’ll take it as a learning experience but I honestly don’t know I’d feel about that.

Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic? Oh man, I guess my favorite would have to be ellewritesfix05 reaction to the secret santa fic I wrote for her; Dean Fucking Winchester. And all the positive feedback I’ve gotten for Out of the Fire.

If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be? Have fun with it. Write what you want and what you’re comfortable with. Don’t be afraid of constructive criticism and most importantly, don’t stress. Writing is fun.

#pond diving #pond diving: katelynw93 #spnfanficpond

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littlemisssquiggles · 5 years

Note

I've been reading through your latest post about Mistral starting the Second Great War of Remnant and something immediately jumped into my mind. There is a theory floating around that Cinder might be a descendant of the Mistralean (?) royalty and that her ultimate goal is to restore her family's empire. I am considering to make a post about that myself, but for now, I just wanted to know: what do you think of Cinder being part of the former Mistralean royal family?

Hello again Mizu. Well to be honest, this is my first time hearing about thistheory for CinderFall. When I think about it, it could be apossibility in a sense when I look at Cinder’s fairy tale inspiration. Cinderella was originally a young girl who was treated as a slave byher wicked stepmother and stepsisters who eventually married into royalty whenshe fell in love with the prince of her story.

Cinder being of Mistralian or Mistrali royalty could actually fit. Perhaps Cinder Fall had a Sophia theFirst kind of experience as a child where shewas the daughter of someone whomarried into royalty but was mistreated by her new royalfamily who never fully accepted her in.

For the sake of this theory, let’s say:

Cinder was once poor living with herfather in the slums of Mistral. In the beginning, Cinder used to be a rathercompassionate person who cared a lot for her father. Her father wasn’t awell-man and mostly depended on Cinder to care for him. Not that she minded.But things changed after her father met and married the daughter of a Mistraliaristocrat.

After the wedding, Cinder and her father moved out of their oldhome and into the lap of luxury. A feat which made Cinder happy since she usedto pray that one day her luck would change since she used to believe that herdestiny was to die poor. But after her father’s new marriage, she figuredthings were finally beginning to work in her favour.

Unfortunately Cinder was wrong. Let’s say Cinder’s new royal stepmotherdidn’t like her very much. She used to treat Cinder like garbage and made hernew life miserable when the poor girl expected things to be better. ThoughCinder tried to warn her father about her stepmother’s mistreatment of her, toCinder’s dismay, the stepmother basically turned her own father against herwith him often taking his new wife’s side over his own daughter’s.

To makematters worse, the stepmother also had two other spoiled children who wouldalso take turns abusing Cinder; ridiculing her on a daily basis emotionally andat times, even physically. Despite living in a castle as the daughter of theclosest thing to Mistrali royalty, instead of feeling like a princess andliving the happily ever after she always dreamed of having, Cinder’s dreams were turned to nightmares by the hands of her so-called new family.

To make a long storyshort, at some point, let’s say…Cinder’s father winds up passing away but during their marriage, the father had acquired his own status to the point thathe owned some form of royal privilege despite coming from rags. Basically thefather passed and left his share of the estate to Cinder as she was his onlychild. Basically Cinder was to take her father’s place and inherit his status and all of its perks.

Let’ssay, for the sake of this headcanon of mine, that Cinder’s father used to be amember of the Mistral Council who governed the kingdom.

Perhaps Cinder’s father was once alower-class man who married into wealth and then used his newfound status to join the political side of things beforeworking his way up to becoming a member of the Mistral Council. Almost like a Jacques Schnee type of scenario only that Cinder’s father was actually a good man.

And after hisdeath, it was originally believed that his daughter would take his placehowever that authority was stripped out of Cinder’s hands by her wickedstepmother.

Angered by the fact that her latehusband would give his seat to Cinder rather than one of her daughters, thisled to the stepmother increasing her abuse on Cinder to the point that she even tried tokill Cinder. Possibly by drowning her. Pushing her into the depth of raging sea waters on the outskirts of the kingdom in the hopes that her corpse would never be found due to the tide.

But unbeknownst to the stepmother, Cinder survived like she alwaysdoes and after washing up ashore somewhere far from home, that’s when Cinderwas discovered by Salem…or rather someone who would eventually take her toSalem.

And the rest, from there is history.

If the CRWBY Writers decided to playaround with something like this for Cinder’s story then cool. But up until thispoint in the main series narrative, there hasn’t really been much of anything totie Cinder to originally coming from royalty. If anything Cinder’s story couldeasily be one where she came from poverty, mistreated by an abusive family thatmade her feel helpless and afraid, thus fuelling her desire to become someonepowerful enough to strike fear into the hearts of her enemies.

Cinder doesn’t necessarily need to haveroyal roots to desire to acquire an empire. Heck you can even say that royalty isone of the perks of being powerful. Even if you are on the wealthiest people inthe world, money becomes practically invaluable when in the face of a beingwith abilities grandiose in nature. If the series Empire has taught me onething—it ain’t about the money. It’s about the power. Power over money.

And power is something that Cinderdesires most of all. So I guess my actual answer to this would be that I don’t mindthe Cinder being connected to Mistrali royalty theory.

I just need moreclarification from the show in the form of Cinder’s actual backstory. That’ssomething I’m still waiting for the showrunners to delve into to shed morelight on where Cinder came from. If Cinder’s past sheds light on what othershave speculated with royal roots rooted in the government of Mistral thenkudos.

But for now, this squiggle meister isgoing to stick with the Cinder theory she’s always had. That Cinder, similar toMercury, was once a meek young woman who came from an abusive family whotreated her like garbage and made her to feel powerless in a world where power meant everything. Thus from that abusebirthed a megalomaniac with an insatiable hunger to gain the power toturn the tides in her favour.

To transform this formerly feeble young girl intoan intimidating goddess among men feared by all who dared stand before her. Andthis young girl soon became the perfect target for her insecurities and innerdesires to be preyed upon and coaxed by a wicked witch, playing Fairy godmotherto said child, turning her into her an apprentice.

I’m going to stick with all thetheories I’ve shared on Cinder thus far, including my newest one about herbecoming the Red Queen—replacing Salem as the Masterof Grimm after finally giving into her Grimmhalf and becoming the first ever Grimm-human hybrid. A Grimmoire as a dubbed it.Half human, half Geist Grimm with the abilitiy to take possession of other human’s bodies and steal their form. I even gave a small hunch about Grimmoire Cinder stealing Neo’s body after fully-realizing her Grimm powers following another crushing defeat by our heroes.

I know the Neo-stans aren’t going to like that at all but…seriously, what are the Writers going to do with Neo after V7? If Neo doesn’t AT LEAST get a happy ending (y’know becoming the General Jingur of the RWBY-verse so we can have another Marvelous Land of Oz character for Atlas with her ultimately settling down and marrying Henry Marigold) then…what are they gonna do with her after Atlas?

Anyways upon her ascension into Red Queenstatus, Cinder will move onto fulfill her destiny of becoming the biggestthreat in Remnant history by acquiring control of Salem’s former Grimm army aswell as the armies of Mistral and Mantle who, under her influence, spark another Great War in Remnant; repeating history as they try to conquer Vacuo and Vale following the Fall of Atlas.

To further her ascent, Cinder would evengrow powerful enough to fully dethrone Salem, stripping her of all her magicalpower in a time when she’s most vulnerable before setting her sites on higherpowers—the remaining Relics so that Cinder may repeat the same attempt thatSalem did years ago.

To challenge the Brother Gods butunlike Salem who desired revenge against the Gods, Cinder’s aspiration would beto kill the Gods so that in the end, only she would stand as the most powerfulbeing in all of Remnant—more powerful than Salem and more powerful than the Gods themselves.

This is the path I see Cinder going. It’sa destructive path but it’s one that I personally see fitting of the type ofcharacter Cinder had been portrayed to be.

Now this is only plausible if Cinderis destined to survive past another season. I’m waiting to see how V7 shapes up since I’m still on the fence about whether or not Cinder has a bigger role toplace in RWBY or if she’ll end up being killed off in the same manner as AdamTaurus in V6.

For now, that’s my take on it. Hope this answers your question Mizu.

~LittleMissSquiggles(2019)

#mizuike #squiggles answers #cinder fall #rwby salem #rwby neopolitan #rwby theories #cinder headcanons

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iamkatehardy · 6 years

Text

K.O. (Tommy Conlon x Reader)

Reposting this BECAUSE FUCK YOU FOR FLAGGING ME BECAUSE OF TOMMY’S NIPPLES , TUMBLR, THAT’S WHY. ( Should rewrite it, but I’m posting this just as it the original, because t was one of the first ones ❤ And I’m proud of my newbie mistakes 😂)

Requested by @bxbblesstuff

Warnings: Swearing, violence

Author’s Notes: First time writing on Tommy Conlon, hope you like it! This is a One-Shot only, at least for now. Feedback is appreciated,as always, and all your requests will be written as soon as possible!

Another stressful day at work. Even though that wasn’t your dream, and that you’d be laid off in no time due to the crisis in the company, you worked overtime once again. Bills didn’t pay themselves, and food didn’t magically appear on the table.

When you finished what you had to do, you drove to the gym. You changed fast in the bathroom, there was no such thing as “Girls’ Shower Room”, as there were no girls beside you in there. Then you rushed to the ring.

“I know Pete, I’m late, and I��m sorry, but my boss has been a pain in the ass lately…” – You sighed, tying your hair.

“Look, I agreed to help you, but I need you to be into this at 100% if you want me to keep doing it, ok? I hate wasting my time.” – He said, wrapping your hands for the practice.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to waste your time…” – You put on your mouthpiece, giving him an apologetic look.

“Training for Sparta kept me busy, so this time, and only this time, I’ll let it go, rookie. Next time I’m done coaching you.”

The gym was mostly empty that late at night, and you liked it like that: it meant no prying eyes or misogynous comments, at least aside from Pete’s.

You were practicing for some time when you heard the door, the person entering the gym irritated Mad Dog, who now threw harder punches, that you were supposed to block, if you hadn’t been inattentive, which was the number one mistake in MMA, boxing or any other way of fighting.

You failed blocking one of Mad Dog’s angry punches, and he knocks you on the floor.

“Damn, (Y/N), where’s your fucking head at?”

A little bit disoriented from the punch, you clean the blood coming out of our nose.

“No, where’s YOUR fucking head at?” – The man who had just come in the gym enters the ring, approaching Mad Dog, looking into his eyes, face inches apart from his.

“Spare me this ridiculous act, this is not your business…” – Mad Dog snarled, bitterly.

The man scratched his head, and putted his forehead on Mad Dog’s.

“Get the fuck out of here, if you care for your own good, before I lose it, alright?” – He pushed Mad Dog, who stepped further, not pleased at all.

“And you, I’m fucking done with you!” – Mad Dog pointed his finger at you, while you managed to stop the bleeding; He then grabbed his things and stormed out of the gym.

“Are you alright?”- The man asked, kneeling near you, checking the small cut on your cheek.

You took your mouthpiece off and got up sighing.

“I’m fine, don’t worry…”

“Well, Mad Dog doesn’t go easy on the punches, so maybe we should check that out.” – He approached you.- “I’m Tommy by the way, Tommy Conlon.” – He extended his hand to you.

You took his hand and shook it steadily, muffling a giggle.

“Tommy Conlon, like the one who aspired to go to Sparta, and kicked Mad Dog’s ass in this same ring? THAT Tommy Conlon?”

“Yeah, that one… And you were about to watch part two of that fight, live… But the important now is to take care of that…” – Tommy was not a soft guy, but he had seen his share of women getting beaten when he was a kid, and it was something that messed with him pretty bad.

“Listen, Tommy, thank you so much, but I’m fine, really.” – You grabbed your stuff. – “ Oh, and I’m (Y/N, by the way, nice to meet you.” – You smiled.

“Well, (Y/N), will you still say that in the morning, when you’re purple and swollen, like a beet?” – He leaned against the ropes, shrugging.

“Maybe not…” – You rolled your eyes and laughed.

“Then let me get some ice and the first-aid kit, will you?” – He got of the ring to get them, and you sat in a bench nearby.

He kneeled in front of you , cleaning of the blood , trying to be gentle even if he wasn’t used to it. You winced.

“I know it hurts, I’m sorry, but it’s necessary…” – He carefully kept doing it, and then gave you the ice.

“What are you even doing here this late?” – You pressed the ice on your face

“A thank you would do too, miss…” – He chuckled and sat by your side.

“Sorry, you’re right! Thank you.” – You smiled and looked at him. – “But I’m still curious, usually the gym is empty at this time of the day…”

“What could I possible be doing here? Practicing for Sparta… I’ve been practicing with my father coaching me, but we had some problems and I needed to unwind, so I came here on my own… But that’s odd that YOU ask. What are YOU doing here? I don’t see a lot of women around, I must say.”

“I want to make it to the Women’s Football League.”

“Shouldn’t you be playing football then?” – He asked, confused.

“If you want a place there, you’ve got to step up your game. It takes a lot of focus, and physical strength, those both are things that fighting can help me with… And well, when your whole life is a mess, it’s a great stress reliever as well.” – You turned to him. – “If I can keep up with you big boys on the ring, then I can keep up with girls in the field, right?”

“Yeah, right, but these mad men don’t play (Y/N).”

“And who said I do play, Mr. Conlon?”

He held his hands up, as surrendering, and smiled.

“I’m not a rookie, as Mad Dog loves to call me. My father passed away when I was a kid; at school no one made my life any easier either. I figured I needed to know how to defend myself, protect myself, and release all the frustration…” – You looked down. – “Football is my main goal now, but I’ve been fighting for fifteen years now, Tommy, I don’t play either. I’m half of your size, so no, I obviously can’t beat you or Mad Dog, or any guy here, but I do what I want when it comes to fighting someone with my size. I’m not here to fight, just to practice. So why not practicing with someone with my size, you may wonder, and the answer is simple, in fact. I’ve been told this same gym is where the very best are, and if I have a goal, a dream, the best are the ones I want to work with.”

He had to admit your courage and determination were admirable, although you were probably a little bit crazy at the same time, but he liked that about you too.

“I’m sorry if I sounded insane…” – You looked back up and smiled.

“You didn’t, and even if you did, you wouldn’t be more insane than I am anyway, so it’s ok.”

You got up, picking your gym bag from the bench.

“Thank you once again Tommy, but I should probably get going home.”

“Wait, I bet you’re still dizzy from the punch, it’s not good idea to drive right now. Let me take you, you come and pick your car tomorrow, ok?” – He got up.

“I…” – You scratched your head. – I definitely could take that, actually, yeah.. Thank you.”

He grabbed his bag and then took yours in his hand as well, walking you to his car. His actions that night impressed you; you never expected sympathy from anyone, especially people you just met.

It was a quit ride; you could tell he wasn’t talkative, but that was fine, you weren’t much of a talked either.

“Well, it’s here.” – You pointed to your apartment and unfastened your seatbelt. – “Do you want to come in?”

He didn’t know exactly whether to accept or decline, as he was a socially awkward kind of guy, so he hesitated for a second.

“Besides football and throwing punches, I’m pretty great with cakes, I have a cat named Ninja who’d love you, and I don’t bite unless I’m asked to. Also, I don’t usually take no for answers.” – You shrugged.

“Ok, you got me at sweets and animals…”- He got out the car and opened the door for you.

After a quick elevator ride, you finally arrive at your beloved home.

“Oh Ninja…” – You scowled and then laughed; catching some things your cat had knocked down on your absence. – “Be good, please, we have visitors, ok?” – You crouched, rubbing the cat’s back as he rubbed his face on your legs.

“What can I get you? A tea, maybe a beer? I’m not a drinker, so I don’t have anything stronger to offer you..”

“I’m fine like this, thanks.” – He smiled and sat on the sofa, near your Ninja, who seemed to be curious and pleased by Tommy’s presence.

“He likes you, so I guess I like you too…” – You giggled. – “What about a slice of cheesecake, can I offer you that?”

He made a funny face.

“You know, that is something that can’t be refused!”

You walked to the kitchen grabbing him a slice of cheesecake, which he devoured in delight shortly after, as you threw yourself in the other sofa.

“Oh God, it’s really good…” – He spoke with his mouth still full, and you laughed.

“Talking about really good, I need your help…”

“Tell me.”

“Mad Dog just gave up on me, you heard him. And I have trials soon, I need to keep in shape. I need to find someone really good to train with, and it better be real quick…” – You bite your nails.

“Hmm, I might have a solution for you…”

“I’m ready to hear it , Tommy.”

“If it’s to help you achieving something you really want, then I’ll help you, even if I don’t usually coach people. Let’s say I took a liking to you, shorty.”

“Wait, WHAT?” – You straightened out in the sofa.

“That is, if you want me to.”

“If that doesn’t bother you or your practice for Sparta… Of course I want it!” – You get up, running to him, jumping on his arms and hugging him tight. – “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. THANK YOU!” – You filled his cheek with kisses.

“I can see it’s important for you, and it makes me train as well. Plus, I really can’t let you in Mad Dog’s or any other lunatics’ hands! That’s dangerous for you (Y/N), I don’t want you to get hurt, alright?” – He rubbed your shoulder.- “But don’t fool yourself , I won’t be soft with you!” – He put a straight face.

“I didn’t expect you to be, that’s exactly you’re the perfect partner, Mr. Conlon!” – You nudged him.

He chuckled and kissed the top of your head.

“In training sessions I won’t be soft , but out of the gym we’ll see…” – He wrapped an arm around you.

“Out of the ring, feel free no knock me out.” – You smiled, looking up to his eyes.

#tommy conlon x reader #tommy conlon fanfic #tommy conlon fanfiction #tommy conlon imagine #tommy conlon #warrior au #warrior movie #warrior fanfic #warrior imagine #warrior #tom hardy warrior #tommy conlon warrior #tommy conlon tom hardy #tom hardy tommy conlon #tom hardy characters #tom hardy x reader

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