#THATS DEDICATION AND I SIMPLY CANT

[idyllicisms]

i am trying to start a routine where every night before bed i try to write a poem. I usually only write at times of GREAT emotional overwhelm and its never really a feel good nice time… mostly venting.

But I’m reading Upstream by Mary Oliver, and she emphasizes at one point a “writing schedule” being a good idea for young writers, and to be honest i have never truly seen writing poetry as a skill to be honed. It’s been a coping mechanism for me ever since middle school. I had always only ever heard poetry creation referred to as a sort of off-the-cuff emotional expression, and only since getting into miss Oliver’s work have I begun to see it as something that, yes, you can jump into at the drop of a hat and occasionally produce something raw and expressive and touching, but also something that does take time and practice to make better.

That being said, the fact that i ONLY write at my negative emotional peaks and have only been doing that since i was 12 is… not the most efficient way to evolve that skill. So the last couple nights I’ve written a short poem in my journal before bed. I hadn’t written one in quite a long time (mental health brag?) so the first was observational, about the pictures on my wall, and not what i would consider my best, but i really liked writing about something softer and more slice of life, it turned out cute (i posted it).

Tonight i wrote one based off of something i heard on a podcast tonight, when one of the hosts misspoke and said some words that sounded different together than what she’d originally meant. But it inspired me so i went to my room and i wrote it down, and im really happy with it, its the nicest poem ive probably ever written (nicest as in vibe, not from a technical standpoint). I might post it soon!

Anyways, any original poetry I post will be tagged “Lz.” if your curiosity is ever piqued. I have written and posted other poems but id have to find the and reblog them with my new tag, so for now theres only the one i mentioned earlier.

Thanks for reading!!!

TL;DR: poetry is awesome and fun, but is also a skill that i have decided to finally actively hone, after years of purely vent poetry. i may post my results from time to time, so i hope you enjoy!

[pixeljade]

No but like, OF COURSE GlaDOS would have feelings for Chell.

GlaDOS, in her previous life as Caroline, was always doing as she was told. She was obedient, dedicated to Cave, willing to work on whatever experiments Cave had for her. Yes she was an assistant, but Cave definitely is the type to have little regard for what that meant, and Caroline was happy to oblige...until he was dying. Thats when he decided he was going to have her consciousness jammed into a machine, forced to experiment and test for eternity. Trapped in a form she could hardly recognize, separated from all humanity. The designers behind GlaDOS said they wanted her to look like a woman caught in bondage, and its fitting...she has no escape from her tiny room except virtually.

And then Chell is her test subject.

Chell, who, like her, is trapped. Chell, who is forced into these tests, same as her. Chell, who has the guts and the gall to break free of the bondage fate bestowed on her! And Chell even temporarily brings GlaDOS the sweet release of death, something that, in that moment, must have felt like freedom finally came for her...until she realized. There is no death for her. GlaDOS is forced to replay the moment ad infinitum in her "sleep", and Chell returns...and brings her back to life. Incomprehensible! An INSULT! And so the testing begins anew, with added viciousness, until Chell gets Wheatley to put GlaDOS into a potato. And as much as thats played as a joke, think about it: this is the first time in uncountable years that GlaDOS has truly been released from that one small room. She then slowly remembers her past, as Caroline, and realizes what she's become. That she trapped Chell the same way Cave trapped her. That Chell represents the wild, beautiful idea of freedom. That Chell has shown her, while she is still trapped in a digital prison, she is not doomed to live in that one room.

And at the end of Portal 2, once GlaDOS is able to get control of the facility again, she decides to delete Caroline. This was a mercy killing to a side of her that was tortured. But she didnt forget, no, which is why she sends Chell to her freedom. Out of love for what she's given her, but also understanding that she'll harm her again...AND all the programming still trapping her.

I like to think that if there were ever a Portal 3, or an epilogue of some kind, it would be about GlaDOS coming to terms with herself. She still feels the need to test, and cant simply abandon the facility which is her home, but maybe her ability to make mobile robots gives her a desire to make a new form. And maybe that form looks a little like the girl she just set free, as a hope for herself. And maybe by the end of it, she decides that instead of inflicting these tests on humans or robots, she can just do them herself. And maybe as she does her own tests, she learns to have an actual relationship with herself for once.

[h4venpha]

↳ 𝐁𝐋𝐋𝐊 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐒' 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐒:

with… nagi seishirou, kunigami rensuke, reo mikage, chigiri hyoma

idk abt part two yet ^^

NAGI SEISHIROU: quality time

- nagi isnt much of a talker, so no words of affection. hes lazy, so not acts of service. quality time just fits so well because ?? its effortless, anything else is just a hassle for him (/hj)

- he enjoys lazy days where he can just sit around with you, watch tv or just stay in bed all day long. its simple and he enjoys your company

- a comfortable silence is often created during these lazy days. he’s on his phone laying in your lap while youre on yours or youre watching the television or something. theres no need for interactions or talking in general

- (i wanna mention the nagi episode manga chapter where nagi’s eyes literally start glowing when reo tells him he likes being around him) nagi honestly thinks he’s boring, like he will literally admit it. he thinks hes a boring person and he doesnt think anyone really wants to be around him

- so when you ask him to just lay around all day with you hes like, “…really? is it okay?”

- and so many days end up as lazy days. quiet, relaxed days where neither of you have to talk much, its just being around each other, enjoying and accepting each others company

KUNIGAMI RENSUKE (pre-wildcard): acts of service

- regardless of how strong or tall you are, kunigami willing to do anything for you just because he can

- “oh you cant reach this? i got it for you, here!” or “you need to move this? let me help, y/n!”

- not only is it because hes more than capable of helping out, but because he thinks its considerate and attentive.

- he’s all sweet smiles whenever you ask for help, especially when you can’t reach something. 6 foot and two fucking inches and he practically towers over you (at least he does for me), and so whenever you have to stand on your tip toes to reach for something, he always notices. He walks up behind you with a small smile as he watches you struggle.

- and you dont even notice until his deep voice booms from behind you, it almost surprises you. and he’s reaching up, arm extending over your fucking head, to grab what you need. when he hands it to you, there’s a sweet, almost amused look on his face. of course he can’t help but tease a little bit. but before he walks away, he leans down, eye to eye with you, and pats your head as a you’re welcome

REO MIKAGE: gift giving, words of affection

- ive spoken briefly about my headcanon of giving gifts to words of affection reo

- i feel like his entire life growing up, he was bought things as a form of “love”, so really thats all he knew

- you have to sit down with him and tell him that although you appreciate it, he doesnt have to buy you the world.

- you simply teach him that theres so much more to showing love than buying things

- reo ends up learning from what you taught him. BUT not only does he continue to give you gifts, he includes small love letters along with them.

- a bouquet of fresh, colorful roses with a small white envelope tucked into the flowers with a little message.

- messages like: for my precious! <3 if you were a flower i’d pick you!

CHIGIRI HYOMA: acts of service, physical touch

- pushing the male wife chigiri agenda AGAIN !! (dedicated to puriiii <3)

- now normally, chigiri could give less of a fuck about what other people need/want. hes the type of guy who walks past someone who dropped something bc literally hes like “uh. whatever…” like they can pick it back up themself, he quite literally just does not give a shit

- but the moment you need something, he is ON IT. it doesnt matter how big or small, whether you need a tissue or you’d like some water, hes literally rushing to get it

- immediately stopping whatever he was doing to jump up and get what you need

- speedy little man has it for you in 0.5 seconds

- its nothing too complicated, just “oh my lover needs something, so i’ll get it right away”

- now physical touch. i dont mean like, absolutely smothering you all the time like nagi’s headcanons. i mean like, touches that leave you with shivers

- he’s trying to get around you for something or he’s passing by and his slender fingers end up ghosting lightly at your waist or hips (bonus points if you have some kind of cropped shirt on…he knows exactly what he’s doing when he intentionally slips his cold fingers against your warm skin)

[ndoandou]

Ikevamp bois playing modern games part 2

Vincent

Vincent is way into.. gartic phone

Qnd perhaps skribble.io

Like way into it

He would sit down 12 hours in front of the computer and guess what HES BEEN PLAYING GARTIC PHONE AND SKRIBBLE.IO IN A LOBBY OF RANDOMS

12 HRS IN HES STILL NOT DONE WITH BOTH GAMES

Hed obv speedrun a drawing in a short period of time and manage to make it look *chefs kiss*

Imagine if skribble.io had a vc feature tho

No no, like imagine if people were actually toxic in this goofy ahh game

They would yell down vincent down the mic telling him to go play with photoshop

Randoms are salty that vincent can draw and portray even the most ridicilous prompts which results him with the highest score always

Not to mention hes really good at guessing even the shittiest drawimgs from other ppl

"Broer how- that persons drawing looks ridicilous, even arthur's dog could draw that"

"Don't be mean theo! I could guess the drawing from the emotional connection i felt from it"

Jean

Jean has a shitty brick nokia phone

And he really loves playing snake II

No im serious

Well i suppose momte doesnt trust him with any other phones than that

the last time he was given a smartphone he downloaded some hack and slash game

took the word slash literally and then proceeded to cut the phone into two

comte was too stunned to speak

momte didn’t want his kids to miss out on gadgets but he cant have jean destroying his smartphone

BINGO! a nokia 3310 it is! 

jean didnt know how to react at first, but he found it easier to navigate and thats when he found out baout snake II

found it a bit pointless at first but despite saying that, he doesnt realize that thats the only thing he does besids fencing

snake II is his pre workout

the only thing he will be doing before his fencing practice

before meals

and before bed

‘‘jean are you sure you haven’t had enough of snake II..?’‘ comte asked causiously as he never know how his son Jean would react

jean looked at comte and stayed silent for a hot minute

‘‘no’‘

Napoleon

OK FLASH BACK TO MY E BOY NAPOLEON FANART FROM 2021

its official

He plays league of legends

Napoleon is deffo a jungle/top main

Jungle preferabbly

Bros actually cracked coz hed turn any non meta champs into an absolute beast

I see him being especially good with pantheon jungle

Hed play league with jean tbh

And jean would be a dedicated top

But i dont see jean being the best player..

No, like imagine napoleon defending jean from "top troll" and getting spammed "?" On his lane

Napo would literally go to that persons lane just to steal their minion last hits

If hes feeling extra hed even use pantheons ult to yeet over to that player to ks all the minions on that person's lane 😭

"Jgl troll gg"

Ok napo is actually not toxic and is rly nice to play with

Hed even supp for you if ur learning a new champ

Hes only toxic to people who are toxic to his buddies

Comte

Ill be honest

Comte looks like someone who would download all games from every ad pop up he gets

And im talking about anything gacha related

He does not care whether the game is explicit or not as long as he can collect pretty characters

Is he interested in the gameplay??? Probably not.

"For what reason did you spend $$$$$$ on xxx game???" Leonardo asked as he scrolled through comte's in game billings, cocking an eyebrow

"Hm? Well i simply wanted to collect all of these lovely looking characters."

"Without leveling up your characters?"

"Non"

"Do you understand how to play this game?"

Comte only looked at him with his unwavering smile

"honestly this is the most ridicilous spending ive witness from you, heh" Leo snorted

"Much appreciated, but i dont recal asking for any input, old friend" comte retorted

Leo looked at him and sighed

"Honestly at this point i shouldn't be surprised"

.

.

This took me forever to upload because i coulndn't figure what type of game comte would play then one day i was like AHAAAAA

Also i didn't proof read as always so pls dont chop my head off :"))

[mikajihiko]

Catching up with AKIHIKO KAJI's changes in Given Bangaihen --- (10th Mix_2)

DISCLAIMER: A forewarning that this blog contains SPOILERS, including but not limited to story plot and some panels of the latest chapter of Given Bangaihen ( Given 10th Mix_2). Proceed with caution!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a thread on Twix (Twitter+X) Ive yapped about changes in main 4 Given after the span of 10 years. On this blog however I want to concentrate on Akihiko, which, as a synopsis I simply said:

Akihiko continuously allows Haruki to have his way with him. He's very soft, wanting to always please Haruki in any way possible, but not in a way where Haruki is allowed to step on him. The vibe is similar as pre-dating Akiharu, but added the anxiety of post-dating Akiharu.

However, I cant help but feel like I simply grazed over the topic considering Akihiko is a character who goes through constant change, in fact thats his entire thing- from changing to be a man deserving of Haru's love to having a dedicated emergence chapter. Err, My point is that that spiel isn't the only thing thats changed about him. Hence this blog and so I shall continue to yap~

Starting with his direct appearance. Our first impression of Akihiko is that he's someone who looks depressive and ragged who has a tough exterior, cool, and seemingly stone-cold which throughout the series we learn that these ragged looks are physical manifestations of actual depressive episodes stemming from the numerous abuse he receives from a past, yet continuously haunting, ex-relationship

As the story progresses we see him gradually get back into his nature of being a constantly smiling and giddy guy with a child-like demeanor; And, that continues to be the case in this sequel! Having energy to dawn fake circle glasses and a hat to go match it (as a "disguise" / intimidation tactic for the "bugs™")

With regards to personality, his inherent nature of being giddy and child-like never ceases, however, so does the pre-existing anxiety. Albeit not so obvious, Akihiko's past relationship has traumatized him in ways that he or a lot would not expect.

From someone who never really cared about his past partners shenanigans, when it comes to Haruki, he ultimately tries his best to continue to make up for things even after 10 years by wooing him, ergo continuously following through as per Popov-san's words; not that genuine sweet gestures seem to be a problem for him or Haruki.

From someone who had to be coerced into doing things, when it comes to Haruki, he doesnt have a problem with anything and gives in to all of Haruki's qualms; Always aiming to please! Of course, being in a healthy relationship makes it easier to do. Besides, what's there to wear a disguised marriage ring for aesthetics just to keep the bugs™ off Akihiko 😗

Compared to the past as well he has become more protective! In other words, became expressive in showing jealousy and possessiveness, only wanting Haruki for himself; which in itself is a drastic change as finally, he understands what it means to want someone all for himself. Considering high school Akihiko never cared for trivial things, into after-dating-HarukiAkihiko who admits to hating seeing his boyfriend play with an ex, into 7-years-later Akihiko who becomes overly defensive of Haruki's nape, into finally 10-years-later Akihiko who's against Haruki wearing the 'wedding ring for aesthetics' because he "doesnt want Haruki to look like a lonely wife". Its quite the evolution, emergence if you may, which admittedly is very cute

But yes, as I circle back, this stemming from the trauma of being in a relationship with someone who was completely commitment-phobic. The fear of doing just one wrong thing ultimately leading to Haruki leaving (even though Haru wont) is a chance he will not take. But also then again, its not like Akihiko hates it, completely indulging with his lover like this answers the calling of his romantic side! But, something to look forward to with how things will waver when the boat gets rocked in chapters to come; I'll leave that for the future as I digress!

Ig so far thats all I have important to say~! Im looking forward to the next chapters! Im excited to see how these changes in each character would affect interactions! Similarly to how Ritsuka has let go of his SUPER idolization of Akihiko hehe I look forward to seeing other changes~!

Happy Akiharu Foreverr!!!🍁🌸

[writing-sideblog-behind-books]

part 1, part 3

The first time is after he and robin have been dating only for a couple of weeks and are starting to fall into a routine. Its mostly just hanging out like they did before with some making out added in and sometimes robin comes over to the farm but not much more. Superboy isnt really welcomed in gotham and robin cant reaveal his secret identity so they dont have that many options, but still, its nice. Then one day at a press conference with clark and some autoraph signing suddwnly someone familiar stands before him. He doesnt know where he knows him from but he gets the uncanny feeling he does. Green eyes twinkle at him from under a fringe of blonde hair and lips are twisted into a giddy smile. "Superboy, i'm a huge fan could you please sign my face? I'll never wash it again." A marker is pressed into his hand. Kon wishes stuff like this would surprise him but nothing a fan does can top to time someone in a superboy towel and nothing else flashed him when asking him to sign their tits. Still, something about the question seems off and less genuine than amusant. Green eyes continue twinkeling at him and suddenly he realizes whats off about it all. The boy before him doesnt have a heartbeat. No, thats wrong. Its simply that his heartbeat is robins, echoing in his eara even when hes on the other side of the world. He gets it, now. The hight, the smell, the voice. Its all off but robins heartbeat is as it always is. A soothing familiar rythm, slower than the averagy civillian and with a slight stutter. Kob grins, amused and endlessly fond. "How about one of these instead?" He takes one of teh pictures in front of him and scribbles teh usual platitude on it "and to who am i dedicating this?" He adds a wink as he looks up through his lashes and hears robins throat bob. Prepared as always the name comes out a practices lie "leon". "Leon" kon singns it in a flourish "it was nice to meet you." He hands it over and robin looks stumped for a moment. Kon's composure finally fails and he gets up and presses a quick peck to leons mouth. "Do you want a selfie?" Most fans do and kon doesnt mind, by now he offers on instinct. Robin grins and nods. Then he throws his arm around kon and pulls him close. "Say cheese!" Kon has never heard robin say this when taking a picture. The reminder of the details robin puts in everything rushes warmly through his body. Hes so in love with him. Kon throws up a peace sign, ignoring the way hes awekwardly floating over the table, and grins "cheese". As leon leaves and kon drops back into his chair he feels clarks incredulous eyes bore into him but ignores it. He also ignores the jealous glances and dissapointed sighs from the next fans as kon doesnt kiss them.

[horsegirlwarcrimes]

bury's tips to ACTUALLY combat writer's block

a lot of the time when you hear writers talk about writers block and what you can do to fight it, the advice that you hear is 'just write'

i took this to be true for a long time, and it's not the worst advice or whatever. at the end of the day anything you want to get done w writing does need to be solved by simply writing. but it took me until i was writing much more regularly to realize that actually thats nonsense

there are totally things you can do to help w writers block! ive been experiencing a bout of it recently, so i thought id share some tips partially to help out those who might read this, and partially to help myself out of that same slump

FEEDING THE MACHINE. in my experience, a lot of the time writers block is less of a blockage getting in the way of a flow of creativity and more like a machine running out of fuel. thoughts, ideas, and emotions CAN come from nowhere, but... usually they are coming from somewhere! i get my worst writers block when i am bored, under-stimulated, or stuck in my real life. try getting out into the world and doing something you don't usually do. this can be wild and exciting, or small and plain. take a different route home than usual, go for a drive somewhere cool, take yourself to a garden, bookstore, museum. if you're stuck at home try a new hobby; draw a weird picture, bake something, bird watch. this is really my top advice for myself at least, and something i have to remind myself when im despairing my own worth and dedication as a writer. you cant pour from an empty cup! you cant make something out of nothing! theres no point scraping yourself dry without trying to fill yourself back up.

FEEDING THE MACHINE... DIFFERENTLY. same principal applies here, but with what stories you are consuming. what actually got me to start writing and posting fic regularly was starting work in publishing that meant i was reading 1-2 books/manuscripts every day. they were often outside my usual reading genres, and sometimes i genuinely hated them... but they were food for the machine. the brain doesn't care if you like books about cows, the brain cares about variety and expanding its horizons. read something new and interesting! try a classic. try getting into queer classics you've never heard of if you're tired of old white men. read a murder mystery or a biography of a cool person or the history of the romance novel or frued's melancholia. try that new fantasy novel youve heard good things about. even if you only end up reading three chapters, thats still something new youre giving your brain. documentaries are also great for this if you're not feeling a new book; sit back and learn something.

CLEAN UP YOUR ENCLOSURE. humans feel yucky when we're in a yucky environment. cleaning is often exhausting and annoying and it sucks, but so is sitting in an environment that makes you feel bad. try clearing off your desk or table. set something nice you like nearby! choose a sunny spot to work in.

TALK YOUR IDEAS OUT. i really struggle with this one, because i dont like bothering people and im really embarrassed about my ideas, especially in the planning stage. it can really help though! try talking to yourself in the shower like you're being interviewed about your work. try going on some chat site, find a stranger to talk to, and infodump until they leave (or stay and you've made a new friend!). ask around for someone who wants to chat ideas; you can share yours, they can share theirs. if you have a loved one who would listen, ask if they would sit down for 45 minutes and let you talk.

LIMIT DISTRACTIONS. this one also sucks but yknow. turn on forest: stay focused. close discord. ask your dog politely to stop barking. get off tumblr and stop writing advice posts about writers block. turn on some ambient music and rain noises or chappell roan's red wine supernova on loop.

may add to this later as i think of others, but the point here is that writer's block isn't laziness and, even if you do in the end just need to write, there are ways to uplift yourself and make doing so more pleasant. these also dont fully apply to what i think the actual cause is of what we often call 'writer's block,' which is just exhaustion and lack of free time; i wouldn't consider that in itself writer's block. these tips are more for when you have that time, or you're making it, but you just cant seem to make it happen.

[helpimtrappedinthetextbox]

To whom it may concern/is not in the Know™,

I've officially started on the prep/writing for my newest fnc Fic, it'll be modern au, crack treated seriously, mayyyybeee 5+1? Depends if I wanna do more or less than 5 of the funny moments

And for additional context, the Fic will be called "Chibo's Guide to Self Defenestration"

Where Chip, after embarrassing himself horrendously in the first meeting, proceeds to jump out a window everytime he is in close proximity to Gil, also because he is having major Gay Panick™, as Chip tends to do

Funny silly goofy screenshots about fic down below

With @cant-think-to-save-my-life as a frequent pop-up

The very start of this whole thing, a passing 1 am thought, simply throwing out a funny thought, unknowing to the amount of brain power that would soon be dedicated to this

Then slowly adding things to the universe, until I have the overwhelming urge to actually compile this into a fic

Perfectly cut off reply from my enabler friend who was the one to suggest 5+1, which is still up in the air

Panic *Jazzhands* (writing human interaction is hard v-v)

(I made them neighbors)

I then proceeded to ask my friends about embarrassing things that chip would do that'd cause him to dive out a window, got any great suggestions, but brain came up with one that was way worse than anything they said 💀

And then, at like 4 am, I saw this tiktok, and got called out so bad I decided to start writing the fic 😬

Then I sent my friends a mostly blocked out screenshot of what all I've written for who and what, to emphasize how little I wrote for Gil lol

Like, thats all that needs to be said for me to understand how I wanna write Gil XD

And a Fun Little Spoiler ;)

[princeanxious]

Hi! I was wondering about your Lost Guardian au from ages ago, do you think you’ll ever plan on updating it and if not, could someone else take up the fic?

So heres the thing. If someone wants to write a fic *inspired* by The Lost Guardian, i’m not gonna stop them, and i’d probably feel super honored so long as the inspiration was correctly credited!

As for ‘taking up the fic,’ the short answer is no.

I have active drafts and the rest of the story already planned out to its finish, notes, even a branch-off fic set post-story that will likely go up on my nsfw blog if i ever get around to editing it. The Lost Guardian hasn’t been abandoned, it’s simply on hiatus. (And yes, i recognize 3 almost 4 years so far is a really fucking long hiatus. The Chapter 9 draft doc was made in december of 2020, and last edited in July 2022)

I started writing that fic whilst still in highschool, a time where I was 17 and didnt have to worry yet about getting my license or maintaining a part time job, i had an over abundance of freetime even partially to my detriment, the fandom was booming and I had plenty of feedback, and this fic was (and still *is*) a story im proud of.

But i’m 22 now, working a full time job to pay rent and account for a number of minor ‘disabilities’(best word i have for them atm) that I cant ignore or push to the side nor treat poorly, from the lasting effects on my body of stunted growth to celiac/glutent intolerance to adhere to that directly determines how easily my body functions for the week, to dealing with glasses i cannot afford to break and taking care of teeth i cannot afford to fix, taking care of my mental health and using the free time i have to do what brings me the most joy at that time.

The sanders sides fandom has heavily quieted down with the season finale hiatus and I’d like to think I did pretty well for going six long years dedicated solely to that without cracking under the silence, because *I knew* when I caved to something else it’d be a long while before I had the drive to come back with any sort of resolution to my active works. Thats just how my hyper fixations work. I cannot focus on multiple at once, it’s too much to process simultaneously and takes away my enjoyment bc I tend to watch/consume things repeatedly to catch every little detail i missed. And it doesn’t help when one loses steam because their content barely breaks 100 notes(80% of which are likes, 15% are reblogs with the occasional comment, and 5% are self-reblogs) when back in the height of it all, a few thousand notes was pretty average interaction. This blog still has about 11.5k followers, almost all of which came from the height of the fandom period. So for now i’ve moved onto the FNAF DCA fandom, bc it is fresh and new to me.

I know you didn’t mean to poke the bear here, I get it, but like.. C’mon. Any other fic of mine likely wouldn’t have gotten the same reaction in full but, still. I’ve had to answer this question a handful of times over the years at the point, which might be why this response feels so charged, and i’m sorry.

I don’t mean to come off as snippy or rude, but it *is* kind of invasive to offer to finish one’s creative work when it’s taking too long and theres very little payback for it. I’ve got adhd, delayed satisfaction isn’t a thing I experience. Just guilt that it wasn’t finished in a way for me to post it in time before I broke and lost all motivation to share it.

In my head, TLG has been long finished and held the ending for years, theres just been no energy to put in the effort of finish writing it for others to read. I’m still trying to get my life together to change that, don’t get me wrong, but the American economy is literally in shambles so who knows how or even if i’ll manage that. Call me selfish for being content with only mentally having my creative story’s ending and a collection of rambles and notes to show for it, but at the end of the day, it’s still my story, and i dont feel comfortable with people trying to ‘take up the mantle’ to finish it, when they don’t know how it ends.

I’m glad you like it enough to want to, though, I really *really* am. I’m just sorry I haven’t been able to finish it for you all. And i just don’t know when that will be, I just know that I *want* to do so, however long it takes.

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

yknow its a hard line to dance, but i do love when people make the stans a bit mean at times in fics/art (hard line to dance, because its pretty easy to stray into ‘sounds like author just hates these two’ territory unfortunately)

it seems to me that ford has trouble with communication. he often cant tell when something he says could be hurtful to someone

(i say that because you can tell he really does care about his family and he does to try to make things up to them- ie, comforting dipper after the bill thing, praising mabel and letting her write an entry in the journal after the unicorn thing, actually trying to find ways to mend his relationship with stan in spite of everything)

stan is the type of guy to scare children and laugh about it. there is an entire episode dedicated to this. he nonchalantly insults people, hes unapologetically cocky, and, maybe most interestingly, he also seems to have trouble telling when something he said might have been hurtful

hes kinder towards his family/friends (note: kinder, he is definitely still mean to them at times. see: boss mabel, the bottomless pit, etc.) but he really just does not care at all about upsetting strangers. he delights in making people angry, at least, the facade he puts on does. and of course, this isnt an insult towards him, it…actually kinda makes sense when you think about his past. not that it made him that way necessarily, more that it sort of emphasized those traits i think

in a similar vein, i think at least part of the reason ford has difficulty interacting with people could be because of his time spent in the multiverse. it seems he doesnt really like having to interact with strangers (excluding most anomalies). in fact, the only time you see him doing that (that i can recall) is when hes talking to the government agents. otherwise he just sort of…doesnt acknowledge their existence at all. the only exceptions are the members of the zodiac, and he gets time beforehand to know most of them

anyway- when you take those two people and put them on a boat together, you get a really interesting (platonic) dynamic! these two guys who are aggressively protective over each other and who will both absolutely deck a stranger in the face

imagine a scenario where stans insulting some random stranger and the person throws an insult back just to get knocked out by ford whos absolutely not going to tolerate it (except from stan, who gets the equivalent of a slap on the wrist)

or imagine a scenario where someone notices fords extra fingers and theyre overreacting about them and it gets to be stans turn to fistfight someone

its fun to think about, but hard to pull off. oftentimes you get ‘ford is definitely egocentric and thats it’ instead of ‘ford struggles with communication/general human interaction and especially hates interaction with people he doesnt know’

oftentimes instead of ‘stan is unapologetically mean to a lot of people (and theres a good possibility that being homeless and having to live with filbrick emphasized this)’ you get ‘stan can be mean but hes not as bad as ford and also it doesnt actually count as being mean if its directed at ford’

and, of course, this isnt to say you have to change the way you write them, this is simply me saying i like seeing these two parts of them interacting with each other. and it ended up much longer than intended

if youre like me and youre afraid of depicting them as mean in any way because other people scare you, you dont have to write them that way! you should write your fics for you first and foremost and if you dont want to write them that way, you are in no way obligated to!

anyway- theres a lot more i could say about this subject, but i think this is long enough

(just a small bonus bit to say that living with filbrick + all the bullying he had to go through definitely affected ford just as much as stan. and that neither of their traumas are more important than the other)

[yaoxsblog]

Nothing is canon in hetalia so I’m making my own list of headcanons regarding worldbuilding and al that whimsical stuff

I should probably mention this is inspired by THE worldbuilding hc post, I reblog it all the time but just in case you haven’t read it (how could you), you can do that here

Oh also umm all of these are both serious and not. Take them all with a grain of salt as they say. Im just having fun

I think thats it… lets go

Their body temperature depends on their climate. Sort of. Technically they all have a normal body temp, but you know how some people are always cold? In that way.

I think it’s canon actually that climates influence the general character of a personifications… although romano exists… so maybe not…. Not sure about that one.

They don’t get sick, in fact I hc they CANT get sick with normal human diseases. Their well being depends on the state of their people/the country. They get „sick” from wars, rebellions, econimic issues etc.

They can’t reproduce. Except for the times they can. Because egypt.

They exist as long as people feel connected to the idea of a „nation” or otherwise feel connected to that identity. Even if they „die”, as long as there are people who consider themselves a certain nationality, they can come back to life.

I’m partial to the idea of some of them appearing just because they were created artificially… like brčko. I will never actually talk more about her all you get is cryptic little puzzle pieces of info about her. Anyways she magically appeared when some documents were signed because funny

I’m unsure what happens when a nation is wiped out. Like when every person who was once a part of that nation either dies or stops identifying with it… maybe they get sick and die but maybe instead they turn into a human and slowly age, then die as the last person of that nationality….

They need to eat sleep etc but can go without doing any of that for longer periods of time than normal humans

They have hobbies and interests and can love humans but have no ambition or desire to live. Not even an animal like urge to live to pass something on. Because they really can’t. They exist to live and to vibe only. And despite no aspiration to live they will beg for mercy if you put a knife to their throat…. Hah… thats so weird

Immensly calming aura to normal people. Probably works better on people of their own nationality, they bring a sort of inspirational energy to the room. I feel as thought they inspired poets and artists, and all those works dedicated to the idea of a nation were actually about a being…

Despite being able to die (technically, even if not permanently) it takes them hundreds of years to understand the concept of death.

Same with aging, it makes no sense how a human deteriorates in, say, 60 years. How little that is, compared to their own age.

Wait, I have a comic I like that describes this well - here

Theyre not inherently violent. At least not most of them. Their wants don’t always align with what the people want but what can they do other than oblige. Yea

Not that important but they can totally have altered states. Half of them are high 24/7

Mentioned it before but they get, or at least most of them used to - get attached to their leaders. It wears off the older they get because they simply get used to the fact they change so often, at least from their perspective

Most of them are pretty open with the fact theyre not humans. If you ask them i image most would just go haha yea thats me I’m 6969 years old lol

I’m very much aware that the rule which i think is canon based on one ep…. That pgysica age related to land mass, is stupid bullshit and generally doesn’t apply in half the cases. And therefore I’ll say to me, I just accept whatever canon physical age you want to give to a character. Whatever reason you want for it is acceptable too.

Thats it for now :PP

[skybristle]

more sparks please. girl what happened to you and do i have to kill anyone

rbs > likes

These two. dw shes already fucking them up. hashtag feminism! [they are also both women]

these two n what they do to her [i wont go fully into it but just elaborae since i already summarized it here in my post abt maw but]. yeah. When she was constructed she was a very ambitious iterator and very. jittery and eager to help her kind and very very radiant. probably the perfect iterator!

of course.... as ive probably heavily alluded to ash is a POS ! as her senior, and the only one in their group at the time, she looks to him for guidance and feels so terrible finding out how fucked up he is with his own colony and how he is struggling to bear it [he IS depressed and chronically ill however also just. has zero accoutnability or responsibility whatsoever and refuses to recongize his mistakes ever or consider his actions beyond what he receives from them] so of course as they fall for eachther and she helps him shoulder his burden he simply takes it for granted and does little to return the favor. its soo unbalanced and unhealthy but sparks is just trying and trying because god !! she wants to be good !! she wants to help people !!! so fucking bad!!!

but shes left bleeding alone, in an overextended structure as they operate on her while shes awake, overclocking her systems and sendinf electricity like lightning down her puppet, he basically messages maw Once to try and get her to knock it off before falling back into his patter nof laziness like welp! did what i can do ! and has the audacity to whine to sparks about feeling inadequate. and she really has no choice but to get back up and dust herself off and live with this reality, which persists quite literally forever, even if its less stressful when her colony eventually leaves. and she stays stuck in this delusion that ash couldnt have done any more and that it was just unfortunate and.. he still needs her help she cant leave him in the dust [what did he do to her again?].

especially as their local group slowly grows and he kind of refuses to accept the responsibility so sparks is also shouldering mentorship and taking care of them and etc. the only exception really is whispers who isnt allowed to speak to sparks because their colony is an asshole so they grow close to their designated senior and ash actually does take the kid kinda under his wing as much as he sucks, mainly at sparks concerns initially.

shes also. super badly traumatized by maw and a lot of that fear and paranoia echo especially later on when maw *actually hurts another iterator*. shes well aware how much maw resents her and maw is the only thing to really scare her. over time sparks loses her whimsy and just becomes very calcualted and dilligent. takes little pleasure in it anymore but if shes not working shes nothing, even as she makes her issues and overextension worse she hasnt rested in ages.

once mass ascension happens and ash bascialyl goes 'welp im done. see ya'll' now that nobody is literally there to make him do his job and goes into sleepmode completely disregarding all the work sparks has done for their group and for *him* not just to appease his colony on his behalf thats when she finally breaks this delusion she has and fucking snaps. she still is kidn of in the position where now shes FORCED To hold authority because hes gone but doesnt bother to try with those who dont answer to her. shes just so angry and frustrated and just workaholics it all away but its really. its not helpful long term and this anger is just building as things in their group get worse and worse as he sleeps in the distance none the wiser.

and, finally, when whisper's emergency broadcast rings true and all hell breaks loose- and he wakes up and the first thing he does is crawl back to sparks to make her do his shit again without even acknowledging his abandonment for many many kilocycles she just completely fucking loses it on him. dedicates herself to- rather than try to put ehr group back together and aid whispers, she just charges headfirst into hurting everyone whos ever hurt her. im still trying to figure out what goes on with maw but as for ash. she creates the brainiac to steal his seniority but also just hijack his structure in an incredibly painful manner. just so she can feel her pain. oh, and just like her, she wont have anyone to crawl to for sympathy [being needlessly cruel and ignoring others suffering? sounds a lot like maw. disregarding the needs of your group to chase a selfish goal as someone lay dying? sounds a lot like ash. lol. lmao even].

after she gets the seniority crown she starts having a guilt crisis. then whispers. uhm. Well. Escapes starlight's can and jumps in the void sea [ive been alluding to it this whole time but nobodies said anything so. ill just lay that here and let u guys react] she finally realizes how badly she fucked up [thats what makes her better than maw and ash] and what shes done and how much shes kind of fucked over her bridges with the people who actually cared about her [chimes and ochre especially] and. yeah. i need to piece out what happens after this still but i mean starlight and maw r still kicking around and sparks now has the responsibiltiy to do SOMETHING which would probably resul in violent retallion from at least maw and kick this bs and sparks hurt and anger up all over again. lol. lmao even.

[plasticfangtastic]

So, cuz this pertains to both of my WIPs and is a genuine worldbuilding fixation of mine... but how do kid superheroes work in the Boys universe?

I assumed that most parents of super-abled kids will begin their kids careers fairly early, while superpowers developt at random ages (Homelander and lazer kid 1 and 2... as babies, A-Train and Starlight as toddlers while The Deep at 9) it will varied kid to kid when they can even begin to be heroes-- altho if their parents remember they gave their kids V they might already be planning things ahead... my issue comes with their parents and how young do parents begin debuting their kids Superhero persona's and start Superhero duties...? we known from canon that A-Train, popclaw, Mesmer were part of the Teenage Kix with mesmer seemingly around 14-16 (based solely on his appearance on his TV show altho i dunno if he was acting while being in T.K or that happened after his show ended) so i assume the other members would be the same age.

Then we have Maeve mentioning in S2 that her dad had her do Teen Vogue photoshoots growing up, so she was active as Queen Maeve between 13-19 if she was considered a teen Super-model.

Supersonic on the other hand was part of Young Americans (alongside Starlight and Drummer Boy) and Super-sweet and was what 16-19? During his time there.

Then there is Godolkin, a uni dedicated to training supers-- as a uni i imagine most of their freshman's are going to be 17-18 when they enroll and from Gen V material we know some of the kids are already established supes, so either some kids have no superhero identities and are there to develop them, while other already have them before enrolling in this Vocational School.

Then there is the superhero pageants-- based solely on that scene with Starlight in S3 most of the girls there look like tweens presumably like actual kids pageants there would be different age groups from toddlers, tweens and teens... and some of those girls looked fairly young... Stormfront even mentioned that in her fake backstory she didnt do any which might indicate that this is not common for female supes, plus making her a rare adult debut.

Homelander on the other hand debuted between 18-21 which could be out of the norm (altho potentially had a demo at 16).

And there is the naming thing... all supe names r trademarked and copyrighted by Vought, they own the names and if somebody quits they can simply renamed a new supe with the old names. Do parents have to like fill an application/registry form for the names? Do they gotta double check with Vought for appropriate names or if other supes have had the names in the past? Do they apply to get old names if they aint in circulation? Are parents buying/bidding for whose kid is gonna be the next Starlight or Translucent?

Unsure how male supes get anywhere without pageants... like is it acting/music their first choice or sports?

While i am aware that there are kid supes in the comics... the only thing of note its that they r referred to as 'Sidekids' by Homelander so it might mean that they start their careers as assistants before becoming supes.... and only exist for Ennis's shock CSA jokes/scenes... altho in the 'Dear Becky'

comic there is a Shazam/Captain Marvel parody that Butcher and The boys rip his tongue off bcuz he was using his age changing superhero powers to rape ppl... so he was a kid rapist (fucking cant stand Ennis i swear to god...) he might be an exemption.

I wont mention the orphans from the diabolical eps as i dunno if thats canon.

I would argue that 13 or 16 might be the most common ages...

[borderline-gays-club]

12/17/23 12:16 AM

I feel like I'm always playing catch up. And this has been an ongoing problem for a very very long time. At least since highschool. possibly before. And I now know its because of all my fun mental problems that work together to make my life a chaotic mess (less so now). But now I'm in a place where Im asking myself: how do I just exist without feeling like I need to get everything done right now. Like i cant fucking relax. And the problem is that there is some level of reasoning to it, but at the same time I need to find a balance, cus either way working crazy all the time is just gonna burn me out and cause me more problems in the long run. I have gone through so many periods in my life where I'm severely depressed and incapacitated and then hypo mania kicks in and I can do everything. So in the time periods of mania I would "make up" for all the time I lost and it was a vicious cycle. Even though my bipolar symptoms are currently managed with medication, I look back the past 10 years or so and I'm like wow. I lost a lot of myself bc of my BPD. and I guess thats where alll my current urgency is coming from. BPD took a lot away from me. Time that I can never get back. And I can't say I regret it, because with the tools I had back then, it just wouldn't have been possible to have made different choices. I will say, with every step of this journey in my life, I really have always been trying. Even at my worst I was trying to find ways to not be so miserable. I really wouldn't give up. Its in these moments of reflection that I can really say that my will to live has actually been very strong this whole time. Even when i wanted to die. I still tried. The times that i basically gave up on myself was when my miserableness was being blanketed by obsession/FP shit. That was the perfect way to completely lose hold of myself and dedicate every fiber of my being to that other person. and it would feel euphoric and would get me out of depression. Its terrible. literal addiction shit. These are the times that I mourn because it really does feel like regression. And as much as i dont want to treat myself like a project that must always get better over time, it really just feels tragic how much of my 20s I've lost to losing myself in other people. But this is all time i cannot get back. There is no point in regret. And also, I cant regret decisions I couldn't really make. A lot of this lost time is really due to lack of care that I needed. From my parents, from doctors. I was simply emotionally and medically neglected, and I did my best with what I did have. All I can do now is to strive to live in my truth. but first i must figure out what my truths are. Because I still don't really know what self means. Im figuring it out tho. *last note: mayb i just need to view time differently. I'm viewing it as a linear thing, but I know that time is not really linear. Life is certainly not linear. I think I still view my value with what I do and what I create. This is something I'm working through. I think the question is also: Who am i if I did not make things? Where would I place my self worth without being able to make things? theres always a lot to work thru.

[yahoodarling]

If you had to choose one genshin male character to give yourself to like as a servant who would it be? To me thats Kaeya. Ill help him after his partols, cook him food like a good male wife and brush his hair nice and smooth for him. I dont even care if he has another love interest, he can go fuck Diluc and i dont mind being at home and cleaning as long as i eventually get some action. Hed treat me right if i was his servant which is cool but im sure hed also use me to destress and thats all im asking! Also, can i be 👻annon?

Of course you can be! Lovely to have you on board this ship on sail to the dark waters of depravity my dear!

NSFW mentions

Now we are talking! Kaeya would be such a good balance of nice and mean as a master too. Hed acknowledge your efforts, warm food on the plate, coming home to a clean home and can just relax with his pretty servant, giving you the desperate attention you so do crave, whispering sweet thanks while stroking your hair, a soft pleased look on his face. He knows the responsibilities he has of a master, he cant let you out the house (you cant get all dirty) you cant interact with anyone else (he cant have you not focusing on him), even if Kaeya already has a pretty wife, a love, someone hes dedicated himself to he knows he needs to treat his servant right and give them a little love too, that little bit of love being heated nights in the sheets as you serve to him as you have claimed your life to, using you like a cocksleeve and causing such a big mess hed refuse to clean, thats your job after all but its a little hard to do anything when your entire lower half has been spent out, unable to walk and left to simply crawl on the floor as kaeya demands you clean your filth up. Again, hes nice, he makes sure you are happy, gives you cuddles when he can and makes sure your dedication to him has its value.

In my opinion though... Baizhu, swearing yourself to the sleezy snake man, living in his back quarters, sorting leaves and papers, keeping areas clean and neat all while he smiles and helps clients at front with an innocent smile, leaving them unknowing of the pet he has waging their tail for their master. Hes another good example of kind and mean in balance, if you keep his office clean, service him right and withstand his teasing mocks hes sure to reward you with close contact sessions, boundless praise and even some feel good treatment with a few herbs hed consider using on you, however, mismange his stuff, rebel against his commands and act amock and Baizhu may need to teach you a couple lessons in manners befitting of a servant so lucky as yourself to be able to aid him, to remind you that working for him is a huge honour and should be done correctly.

I do not make the rules here, one of his punishments would be leaving you tied up hanging from the roof, unable to twist your limbs and just flail in the air bare naked for a solid 24 hours, no contact, no food, no light but hes such a caring man, he will come back, clean you of your mess, bath you and feed you and tuck you in for the night after your punishment is done. Baizhu is so nice :)

[raspberrysmoon]

OK SO-

“Dress to impress” seems like a typical fashion roblox game(fun fact we actually discovered the lore of this game when my younger sister played it with me expecting a normal game. Anyways she had nightmares for weeks after playing it. Yeah. Horrah /s) and it’s like…a fashion competition ig? (Idk all the lore since im trying to be careful not to trigger myself in the process of gaining knowledge) and…like the lore is obviously hidden and all but some of the stuff ive found so far are:

a…room made out of flesh that you can access by going inside the men’s clothing shelf. There is a key in the flesh room that says “lana”

oh yeah probably should mention lana. She’s important to the lore i think.

lana is the nails lady. That’s it that is all the info i have on her currently. Anyways after the first update, there was a new thing added to the “missing” wall, which at first everyone thought was just a homage to the creators of the game. Except that ppl started to notice some(not so new actually, the dress was added in the april’s fools update) pretty concerning stuff.

this is the wall btw

anyways the first thing that ppl noticed was the ripped apart dress

so. Fun fact about this dress and lana. You can only wear this dress after you complete a certain different game. How do you find the different game?

well

Lana has an acc with the user @ LanaDoesNails, with a group called Portals dedicated to the lore. She also has multiple games, one called forest, that after you go to, will send you to another game simply titled Maze, where you have to navigate it whilst avoiding someone. i did it, and after a few tries, i managed to get to the end, where there's a code.

The code translates to “you may have finished her trials, but the evil still lurks throughout. this is not the end. there will be chaos..”

Anyways after you play that game you can wear the torn up dress which, horray ig?

Moving on to the second thing.

…i cant really read and im too afraid of going into the wiki to find the transcript bc last time i did that with another roblox game i ended up getting jumpscared

BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS THE MAIN MESSAGE WHICH READS

“Dear diary, That isn’t me.”

So…lana’s diary has some worrying implications(from what i can see, players have gone missing in lore and the flesh room might be made out of the flesh of said players? Maybe?) but to make shit more creepy, if you go to certain locations in the game and stare out the window, a clone of lana will be seen just…staring at you. this actually sorta gave me paranoia of looking out of my bedroom’s window for the rest of the night. she doesn’t do anything else she just fucking stares at you it is genuinely creepy i fucking hate it.

anyways that’s all i have so far most of the chapters of the game aren’t completed yet and also i am really fucking terrified of this roblox game idk why-

what the FUCK dude i thought dti was a normal fucking game ????? MY FRIENDS PLAYED IT TODAY??????? thats WILD??? holy shit. she just. STARES? dude this is like. genuinely baffling. consider me perplexed. woah. /pos