#TW for discussions of depression and mentions of suicidal ideation

[booksandpaperss]

So, This may be depressing but.

I’m counting up moments in Stranger Things across the seasons where Mike has shown next to no regard (or simply none at all) for his own life… yall it’s concerning.

There are (so far) at least 3 glaringly loud instances where Mike has canonically not cared about his own life at all. We have:

-The cliff scene (s1)

-the scene where Mike hits flayed Billy on the head and is literally almost killed (s3)

-the shoot out scene where Mike throws himself in front of Will several times and even tries to do the same for Jonathan like one or two times (s4)

And ofc an argument can be made for *all of season 2* when Mike was willingly right by Will fully knowing that he was literally possessed by an otherworldly entity that wanted to kill everyone and yet Mike did not care at all, he was just focused on keeping Will safe hmmm

And these are just the biggest instances where it’s really clear, I’m sure if I actually got around to doing my ST rewatch I would notice subtler moments where Mike maybe wasn’t considering his own life as a primary or even secondary cause for concern.

Which brings me to my point: I’m REALLY worried for Mike in season 5. There are way too many hints that Vecna is gonna target him, and even some hints that vecna is ALREADY watching him in season 4. And with how his mental state has been lately, I really don’t think he would be able to emotionally handle dealing with vecna and fighting him off. I can say with 100% certainty that if vecna went for Mike RIGHT NOW, with where he’s mentally at as of the end of season 4, Mike would not make it out on his own; it doesn’t matter what song they would manage to find to play him, or what Will would be able say, because as of right now there is a part of Mike that wants to die. And as long as that’s the case, Mike will not be able to find it in himself to to choose to live despite vecna “persuading” him to die (that’s pretty much what he does), he just won’t. If he IS the one (ha 💀) that’s gonna get vecna’d on the flower field at the start of s5 instead of Will, El would HAVE to pull him out with her powers bc otherwise we’d lose Mike right at the start of the season and I really don’t think that’s gonna happen, the Mike angst is gonna be dragged tf outttt.

Most likely though, its gonna be Will in a Vecna trance at the start of the season, which is good (angsty as hell ofc but Yk, that’s gonna be the season 🥲) bc that gives Mike time to get to a better place mentally before it’s his turn. I’m thinking that by the time Vecna tries to kill Mike, he’ll be in a place to believe that he deserves to live, which means Will’s words WOULD be enough to save him.

This would also be such a beautiful message for people struggling with depression, it would be the same message as the running up that hill scene in s4 and let me tell u that scene had me SOBBING, and with Mike there would be the added layer of his mental health struggles being made worse by being queer and I just know that’s gonna hit home for a lot of ppl… god 😭😭

[the-silver-chronicles]

Watched Fionna And Cake and then remembered Simon and Betty’s story from Adventure Time. Cried. Got a new tragic star-crossed lovers and angst + moving on/coping scenario AU story idea(s) for Silva and Faith/Rachel. Cried harder. Listened to Mitski’s My Love Mine All Mine. Drowned in a river of my own making.

Alright, I must mention, Scenario A is pretty soft compared to Scenario B. You can just read Scenario A and are not obligated to read Scenario B (because I will eventually write out both). I say this because Scenario B has trigger warnings for dark and mature and heavy topics like toxic relationships, unhealthy thought processes like low self-esteem and self-loathing, mental health disorders like depression, and very heavily implied ideation of suicide. Do not read Scenario B if you cannot stomach it. Scenario A is all good though. Just general FC5 + my regular bullshit.

This probably going to be a three parter. So here’s part one, the one I like to call: “The Backstory”.

Now, there’s two ways this could go (since Faith’s/Rachel’s character is interpreted in many different shapes and form).

Now we could go down the softer path (aka Scenario A), and go with the interpretation that Rachel was an impressionable teen caught in a very bad situation with no way out but to keep going forward and being addicted to Bliss. More-or-less like a victim of the cult who has to live up to Joseph’s (the fact I naturally misspelled that as Hoseph makes me laugh out of the unbelievability of it) standards to survive.

Now with this interpretation, the story goes like this. Silva and Rachel met earlier than they did in the main story. Let’s say that Rachel and Tracey entered Hope County and met Silva, and they are looking for a place to stay and actually get better. She gives them a job at Elsa’s Floristry. She and Rachel eventually become girlfriends (haven’t specified how yet). Silva also has a hobby of researching strange histories surrounding cryptic gods or whatever (this is important!) which she blubbers to both women about sometimes. Silva did her damndest to help Rachel overcome her addiction. At this point, let’s say Silva has lost pretty much everyone (both the community + Persephone this time on the Archipelagos and Elsa in Hope County), and now has fallen in love (again) but with this troubled young woman, and to her, this is her last chance to prove that she can do good and be a loving individual, unlike what Adam had told her. Now she devotes her everything to Rachel, and Rachel’s love and safety and happiness is all that truly matters to Silva in this world. Making small sacrifices for Rachel (much like Betty). Then they encounter Eden’s Gate (maybe John), and while Silva and Tracey are hesitant to interact with the cult, Rachel manages to win Silva over going to one sermon and gathering which brings Tracey along with them. Eventually Rachel meets the Father himself, Joseph Seed, and he wants her to be his next Faith, so he’s convinced her to stay in Eden’s Gate. Now details are muddy here, but Tracey warns Silva of the cults true nature and the fates of the Faiths and figure out Rachel’s next. When trying to warn Rachel, she manages to downplay the accusations, thinking Joseph can help her (as well as being in the right) and that nothing is wrong. Tracey, of course, thinks it to be a lost cause convincing Rachel, but Silva is conflicted. She doesn’t good vibes about Eden’s Gate but her girlfriend is saying everything is fine and that she can find help there. She doesn’t want to be anywhere near the cult or Joseph but she can’t leave her only purpose left in life. So Silva, to Tracey’s utter surprise, chooses to stay with Rachel, (and if she has the knowledge that Rachel is going to be Faith, then Silva will still stay, even if the Faith role meant Rachel couldn’t do certain things (like sex or have romantic relationships), Silva would go celibate or even just a friend/priestess/follower, if it meant she could just be with Rachel). She’s convinced to give her (reminder: dead) sister’s floristry to Eden’s Gate to join, and Joseph takes Rachel away for detox. Silva can’t join in and has to be assured by Rachel that everything will be okay…

Everything does not go okay. While separated from Rachel and trying to integrate with Eden’s Gate, she is abruptly kicked out of the cult by Joseph (a rather shocking order from the Voice that shocked even Joseph, with the only reasoning by the New God being “she’s too early”), leaving Silva pretty much blacklisted from all cult properties and Rachel only with Joseph (+ his brothers who don’t care that much about her). Reeling from the fact the cult just stole her girlfriend and her late-sister’s floristry, she has a breakdown, knowing she cannot do anything forward to the cult without assuming Rachel won’t be hurt in the process, and heads home to stable herself. Months later, she meets Rachel, but as Faith, if not more addicted and out of it to Bliss (which she made and was used against her in this scenario at least), and no familiarity or memory of Silva (like Simon/Ice King). The Bliss also acts as an eldritch entity in this, using Faith/Rachel for its own deeds. Silva, distraught, heads home to come up with a game plan. At first she wants to take Eden’s Gate head on, but realises it has too much influence and people are beginning to think Rachel as a villain (+ plus making any kind of move against the cult could lead to Rachel being hurt, either in the process or in retaliation against Silva’s resistance). Feeling so lost, that’s when the Voice decides to chime in (because it’s an asshole). Tells her that “there’s an easier and quicker and more subtle and safer way to do this that even Joseph “fraud ass” won’t expect it” and Silva goes “and what would that be God?” And the Voice replies “Go meet my boss, I mean, the Goddess of Disruption, Jannah (much like GOLB), who had a human from your Tumultite history named after her, who can kill the Bliss and take down Eden’s Gate like it was just a normal and definitely unsupernatural event”. Silva isn’t sure what to believe but goes ahead with it because if it means Faith/Rachel is unharmed then she’ll take it (even if it sounds fake) and also she’s done some study on Jannah so she knows what to minimally expect. The at first terrible but hilarious in hindsight part (which you will find out why it’s funny in the next post) of this is the fact the Voice only intends for her to go on a wild goose chase as it prepares Joseph for New Eden (and torment). Also you know how the Voice said this method of saving Faith/Rachel was quick, easy, and safe? Well, there’s the ironic twist… the method is exactly that. Takes three weeks at most. The preparations and time span to get the necessary tools required though? Takes like almost a decade to put together.

What does this plan to meet Jannah require? Well simple, listed below.

- Two devices capable of breaking space-time-reality and teleporting her to Jannah’s domain (one acting as a vehicle to enter the domain and the other as an anchor to get Silva back).

- An important space-time-reality event (aka The Collapse).

- A high-potency of the Third Eye (to spiritually/mentally(?) interact with and control Jannah).

- A medically comatosed magician to be used as a mental battery and emotional stabiliser (to share the energy and intent Silva needs to transfer into Jannah to trick the goddess into doing what she wants).

- An amulet whose crystal was made from a magical meteorite (or a shooting star that people make wishes from), which original function was to make wishes (like the Ice King’s crown) but changed and adapted throughout history and instead acts as a telepathic tool of some kind/canters the Third Eye (to be used to interact and control Jannah).

And some other things. What she needs to do with all of that list of things is break the First Seal of the Collapse (the arrest), skip Seals 2 to 4 (deaths of John, Jacob and Faith) and have a stalemate at Seal 5 and then 6 (death of the family or in this case more Eden’s Gate members + Resisting Joseph), and during that, destabilising space-time-reality by teleporting in the vehicle and anchor devices around Hope County seven times to both a) power up the machines to get to Jannah, and b) trick the Multiverse into thinking the Collapse is about to happen after thinking Seals 2-6 have already been opened and “mistakingly” (since Silva is intentionally doing it) sending Silva to Jannah’s domain, and having a few minutes opportunity while the Multiverse is confused to mind control Jannah into retconning the seventh seal from “drop three bombs” into “defeat Eden’s Gate, kill the Bliss and save Faith/Rachel, happy ever after”. Not even the Voice would expect it (because it genuinely doesn’t expect it).

She’ll get help from the unlikeliest of individuals of course, not just alone (likes of which includes canon characters like Tweak, Zip and especially Larry, or OCs like the supernatural Priestess Lillith and the Tarot Card Holder), and I’ll talk more of how Silva’s plot in Scenario A goes in the next part (spoilers, things go right and then wrong).

End Scenario A here (don’t read further below if you cannot stomach Scenario B) and part two of this three parter will be “Silva’s Plot”, taking place in the events of FC5 and how things go so wrong.

Okay that’s soft Scenario A. Here is rough and tough and dark and uncomfortable Scenario B!

You know, the interpretation where Rachel/Faith is perfectly fine to be the drug herald who took the “Faith” title as a badge of honour, entirely loyal to Joseph and willingly joined him (though acknowledgement must be made that he did kind of groom her into the “Faith” role as he is a paternal adult figure that influenced her choices… doesn’t change the fact she is killing people here and in canon though) and very confident that she’s not in danger of replacement (despite John and Jacob thinking otherwise), immune to her own product, and knows what she’s doing but believing (albeit misguidedly) that she (and Joseph) are in the right while indulging in a bit of sadism and violence and spite like her brothers. Not entirely innocent now, and the question of whether or not she was a true friend to Tracey being up for debate. Though the drug addict and family abuse and ostracisation is still true I will die on this hill.

Alright… TRIGGER WARNING! From here on out, there will be mentions of: heavily implied suicidal ideation (if this is too much for you, please refresh or stop reading), (fairly certain) either a toxic or just unhealthy heavily one-sided romantic relationship (kind of? Like there’s love but it’s not appreciated that much and almost expected but also thought of as disposable so yeah? It’s not great, or good and definitely needs counselling badly so let’s go with that), blatant gaslighting and manipulation, minor discussion of depression and self-loathing and other things. I’m thinking of labelling it “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat”.

Okay, Scenario B, is different. Silva meeting Rachel and Tracey, getting both a job but also falling in love and getting in a relationship with the former? Still the same. Silva devoting her all into it? Still the same. Silva and Tracey helping Rachel with detoxing. Still the same. Only difference is that Rachel is using the relationship for her own gain. The attention, the adoration, the help, the good times. Feeding off it but not really appreciating it. Then we meet Joseph and Eden’s Gate. Joseph takes a shine to Rachel and she likes the detox help and desires and power he offers. Uses her relationship with Silva to get Joseph the floristry and Silva’s involvement in the cult. Rachel becomes Faith, Tracey angrily peaces out, and Silva is willing to stay no matter what. Only for Joseph to kick her out. The big difference here though? Faith also reinforces Joseph’s word, telling Silva straight to her face that “she doesn’t need Silva anymore”, completely shattering Silva’s heart. And Silva does not take it well. You know how I said Silva was invested in the relationship to the point it was her only and final purpose? I was not kidding. Every one she’s ever loved to her knowledge is completely dead from circumstances out of her control (the massacre, Elsa’s accident, Persephone’s terminal illness, etc). In her mind, she has failed as a daughter, sister, lover, friend, mother and a functional human being in general. Now, to herself, she’s failed the lover and protector role… again. This is twice for those two. She is just lost and in despair, wishing for the small things in life, for the important needs, like her community, her neighbours, like her adoptive padre’s love, her sister’s companionship, her unconditional and undying love towards her daughter Persephone. Hell, even the romance with Irene and Rachel. She craves and wants all of it, and believes she just can’t do it right (and the fact the second prophet of God she’s met in her life believes her to be unworthy of joining only makes her self-esteem worse). She’s sick and tired of pain after suffering after failure and just wants to cease. Be in an eternal state of love and happiness in a world that accepts her. She’s depressed and in a state of self-loathing. And she can’t escape. So what happens?

The Voice (yeah, that dick) comes along and goes “hey, here’s an idea, find Jannah and have your world while vanishing in this one”. Silva asks “why would I do something as insane and nonsensical as that?” And the Voice says the worse thing ever “because it would be better if you just ceased in this world.” Yeah, he went that low. So Silva decides to go on a literal mission to privately do that, following the instructions in Scenario A, as not to (what she believes she’s doing) negatively interfere in everybody else’s life, especially Rachel’s/Faith’s. I must remind everyone: This is a very sad tale, with a lot of bitter and bleakness and very minimal sweetness in it at first (unlike Scenario A which is just bittersweet through and through).

That’s “The Backstory” for both done. I’ll be writing out part 2 “Silva’s Plot” in some time.

Bye yo!

[insoukokuhell-434]

Chuuya Takes Care of Dazai Fics

Includes:

Emotional Hurt/Comfort (long term & immediate)

Physical Hurt/Comfort

The format I’m using is:

Title - writer (ao3 link) Fic length Time period (teen/mafia skk, 22! Skk, all ages) Additional tags (Tags in bold added by me for extra info) TW

Some fics have parts of the summary/ comments added for additional info

Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Long Term (multiple instances)

hey look, the sky's falling apart - saffroncassis    

24.8k TEEN SKK (16/17) AU - Canon Divergence Protective Nakahara Chuuya, Angst, Fluff, Humor, Developing Relationship Found Family (the Akutagawa siblings, Oda's kids, Kyouka, Oda, Ango) TW- Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse and discussions of both these, also cw food for the whole fic

Summary - "At age 16, Chuuya defects from the Port Mafia and drags his partner with him not so much kicking and screaming as silently begrudging, and the rest follow suit in time."

Mostly Chuuya helping Dazai, but Dazai supports him too <33

[Really realistic depiction of the relationship between a depressed person and their supportive partner!]

For the Record - zombiemarker

19.1k TEEN SKK  AU- Spies & Secret Agents + Physical Hurt/Comfort Nightmares, Childhood Trauma, they get all dressed up and go to a gala, Implied Sexual Content, Fluff & Angst, Literal sleeping together, Getting together, First kiss, Developing Relationship TW - Blood and Violence, Childhood Trauma

From tags: "Chuuya's a government experiment, Dazai's been with Mori for years, they've both got trauma now"

Mostly Chuuya helping Dazai, but Dazai supports him too <33

A mouth to empty into - series by osamuchuu

Not listing all 4 fics cause this post is already so long, but they’re all amazing pls go read them!

The series depicts depression + CSA trauma so well!

This is my favourite -

Love is not a victory march - osamuchuu

8.7k 22 SKK Soukoku taking care of each other, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mental Illness, Depression, Drug Addiction, Blood and Injury, Healing, Recovery, Soukoku Tenderness, Light Angst TW -  Dazai-Typical Suicide References and Attempts, Addiction, Drug Use

believe me darling, the stars were made for falling -communist_sasuke

14.6k ALL AGES Worried Chuuya, Love Confessions, Dazai is a Mess, Angst, Self-Harm , Fluff & Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon timeline, First Kiss, TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions , Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt

Trust Fall - insi 

3.5k ALL AGES (Dark Era, Post-Dark Era, 22 SKK) Emotional Constipation, Mental Health Issues, Dazai has issues TW - Implied/Referenced Suicide & Self-Harm, Suicidal ideation

From tags: Chuuya has met Dazai on the rooftop many times throughout knowing each other.

Immediate

Emotional H/C

Even the Darkness We're Watching Is So Beautiful - NastyaEx

4k 22 SKK (post-109) bsd 109, Fluff, Dazai Needs a Hug, Dazai is a Mess, exhausted dazai, dazai cries but only a little bit, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Soft skk, Dazai centered, yosano is a bit here and she's great

I'll Make A Home In Your Gut Because its Somewhere Warm to Sleep - arahabakii

8.9k 22 SKK Fluff, Angst, Mutual Pining, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Making Out, Getting Together, Domestic Fluff, Touch-Starved Dazai, Dazai needs a hug, Chuuya needs a hug TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide References

stay- neon_toad

4.6k 22 SKK (pm!skk flashbacks) Suffering Dazai, Dazai Needs a Hug , Dazai is Bad at Feelings, Oblivious Dazai Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hugs, birthday, Birthday Presents, soft skk TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide References

where are you? - doeinstinct

2.8k 22 SKK Depression, Disordered Eating, physical symptoms of depression, Mentions of past self harm, m because they shower together, canon adjacent, meal replacements, Love Confessions, They're In Love Your Honor

Run Away With Me - Anonymous

5.3k Dark Era Grief/Mourning, Dissociation, Suicidal Thoughts, Soft Soukoku, Dazai Needs a Hug , Dazai Has Feelings, Pining, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Chuuya Needs a Hug, Kissing, Dazai asks Chuuya to run away with him

stay the night - Shinkirou

3.6k 22 SKK Gen or Pre-Slash, Developing Relationship, Character Study, Sharing a Bed, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Dazai's depression

Physical Hurt/Comfort

Fool for loyalty, or some other word - osamuchuu

1.7k Dark Era Aftermath of Torture, Blood and Injury Light Angst, chuuya deals with so much tbh, what a champ, Fluff and Angst, Pre-Relationship, Established Relationship, chuuya being Dazai's nurse because he absolutely was Dazai's angry nurse

under wraps - Coffeebiscuits

5k Post-Dark era + Emotional hurt comfort Love confessions, deep talks, Light angst, Fluff and angst, kissing, crushes, sharing a bed, Suicide, Self-Harm, Tending to Wounds TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm 

From tags: “basically chuuya has to patch dazai upand they talk about some things they need to discuss”

Chuuya also gets some emotional comfort

EXHAUSTION

So if you go too far I'll be there - Kimisu

2.5k 22 SKK - Pre-Fyodor | Cannibalism Arc  No Plot/Plotless, Literal Sleeping Together, Some Fluff, Canon Timeline

From Summary: Based on a HC that Dazai spends days before every major arc planning and arranging the pieces in order for everything to 'work'. He also pushes his body limits a bit too far when doing that sometimes.

SICK FIC

Nothing More Important Than You - StormDew2

3k MAFIA SKK (15) Sickfic, Soft soukoku, Vulnerability

Please like/reblog if this helped u find a fic, I'd be delighted to know asjsj <3

“Dazai takes care of Chuuya” recs here

Fic rec masterlist here

[ajokeformur-ray]

GOOD personal news!!!! (I am Proud™️ of myself)!!!!!

So, okay. I am slightly hesitant to share this in case it's only temporary, but @darklylucid very kindly told me to share it because it's good news and it's something to be proud of!!!❤️

TW; talks of negative anti-depressant side effects and me being irresponsible with prescribed medication, mentions of nausea and bad periods, mentions of health anxieties such as being sick as a result of medications and self-starvation (it's all because meds made me feel so sick I couldn't eat etc.), talks and discussions of stress, anxiety, depression and cognitive behavioural therapy, talks of doctors visits, one mention of covid boosters and bad side effects from that, one mention of passive suicidal ideation, this is a positive post but please read with caution if anything in this tw paragraph may upset or offend you!

I started therapy for my stress and severe anxiety five weeks ago. When I started, my anxiety and depression scores were both at 21/21. I was, essentially, a walking anxiety attack experiencing passive suicidal ideation.

Today, two weeks after uni officially started and five weeks after starting therapy, I scored 12/21 for both anixety and depression for the third week in a row, meaning both have improved to being moderate without medication!!!

(We all remember the absolute fear surrounding that fiasco and I still say medication wasn't the right treatment plan for me. I do have a prescription but I never picked it up and I won't pick it up because of how bad the physical side effects were. The nausea got so bad I was actively starving myself for seven weeks because I couldn't eat anything, while in the middle of end of year assignments and my job pulling me in for overtime constantly. My health anxiety, generalised anxiety and lifestyle couldn't sustain it. Everyone told me to "give it time", but after seven weeks of the worst periods I've ever had in my life and of constant nausea, I couldn't take it anymore so I quit my medication cold turkey without consulting my doctor. The medication was hurting me and not even working; I felt worse physically and mentally and my anxiety was still there, except I also felt like a zombie. I was offered a different medication but I never picked up the prescription for it out of fear that this would continue, since all SSRIs have the same side effects. I have told my therapist this and though she doesn't know any details beyond "I don't want to take it", she supports my decision. A week after I stopped my medication, my periods returned to normal and the nausea disappeared, my appetite came back and I felt better. I refuse to try again and have decided to focus on my therapy as the treatment plan. Medication isn't right for me and that's okay.)

I don't know if this improvement in my anxiety and depression is because of the therapy or because I now wake up at 3am to study before I go to work, which means that I study when I am fresh and well-rested, go to work, then come home and only have to relax, which means more free time. This decreases my stress, which lowers my anxiety and therefore improves my depression (my anxiety was so severe it caused the depression; they are not two separate conditions in my case), and means I can eat and sleep better and more.

The lifestyle switch and therapy both started at the same time, so I can't say for sure which has led to the improvement in my mental well-being, but I find myself not caring all that much. I am healing, I am doing well, I have had one anxiety attack in the last month, and that's... the news I wanted to share. My hair is gorgeous, I am eating and sleeping well, I am happier, healthier, I am not behind in uni, therapy is helping me... I'm not perfect, that would mean I don't exist, but I am healing and in a good place right now. I'm not sure if this is temporary, since uni has just started and I won't know until Christmas since that's when they throw us in at the deep end with the syllabus, but I still wanted to share this news.

I didn't think I could handle therapy, uni and my job at the same time, let alone looking for work experience in the mental health sector, but here I am, doing what I thought I couldn't, and dare I say it... I'm happy. I caught myself smiling while brushing my hair this morning, and apart from a few weeks ago when the covid booster gave me chest pains for a week, I can't remember the last time I had a tight chest due to stress and/or anxiety.

I can't thank you all enough for your friendships, encouragement, love, support, comments, asks... you've all helped me so so much, you do help me, and now I'm feeling better, I'm going to be looking at focusing on writing again. Especially since I'm not sure if this is temporary or not - but I feel hopeful for the future and for myself, for the first time in... a decade or so. I think I'm gonna be okay and right now, at least, I'm proud of myself.❤️

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

TW self harm mention

Is intentional self harm or putting yourself in danger an aspect of adhd?

Hi there,

I found one article discussing self harm and ADHD. According to this study:

ADHD is also associated with increased rates of self-harm (Septier et al., 2019; Simioni et al., 2017).

These behaviors include non-suicidal self-injury (i.e., self-directed, deliberate harm of self in the absence of suicidal intent, such as cutting or burning), as well suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, and completed suicide (i.e., direct, self-injurious behavior with the intent to end one's life, such as hanging, or jumping from extreme heights; Nock, 2010). Self-injurious behaviors exist on a spectrum of severity, and numerous studies have observed that non-suicidal self-harm behavior often predicts suicide (Allely, 2014; Cooper et al., 2005).

Individuals with ADHD are at a greater risk of both non suicidal and suicidal self-injury. An international study described the risk of a suicide event as 30% greater for ADHD patients than non-ADHD patients (Faraone, 2020; Eddy et al., 2020); and a recent study of first-year post-secondary students found that rates of suicide attempts were four times higher for students with ADHD than a matched control group (Eddy et al., 2020). Alarmingly high rates of self-injurious behavior and suicide attempts have been reported in studies of young women with ADHD, whereas completed suicides occur more often in men with the disorder (Hinshaw et al., 2012; Nigg, 2013; Septier et al., 2019).

The associations between ADHD, self-injurious behavior, and suicidality are believed to result from complex interactions between the impulsivity and emotional dysregulation that are central features of the disorder. High rates of depression, anxiety and substance abuse, and associated features, such as poor self-esteem and strained social relationships, are commonly co-occurring with ADHD diagnoses-and all of these factors increase the risk.

ADHD, Sleep Problems, & Self-Harm: Getting the Full Picture

I hope this helps. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ❤️

[fang46]

akihiro reading list

GOOD LUCK WITH GETTING THROUGH THIS LIST. akihiro has been really through it with the 17 years of publication history he’s been in. added in TWs too and tried to make them as accurate as possible (i might have gone overboard but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

ESSENTIAL (?) READING LIST (check complete list for issue numbers)

wolverine: origins (2006)

dark avengers (2009)

dark wolverine (2009)

dark wolverine (2010)

uncanny x-force (2010)

uncanny avengers (2012)

wolverines (2015)

all new wolverine (2017)

x-factor (2020)

marauders (2022)

COMPLETE READING LIST STARTS FROM HERE

(red = essentials, yellow = important but not necessary iykyk, blue = cameos/events)

origin + introduction

[OPTIONAL] house of m #1-8 

[OPTIONAL] wolverine (2003) #36-40 (TW for gore) 

wolverine: origins #5, #10-15, #24-27 (TW for gore and torture, and mentions of abuse, neglect, racism, brainwashing, child murder, suicide, and weird depictions of neurodivergency) 

original sin [wolverine: origins #28, x-men: original sin #1, x-men: legacy #217, wolverine: origins #29, x-men: legacy #218, wolverine: origins #30, wolverine: origins #31-36, dark avengers #1-4] (TW for mentions of child abuse, torture, grooming, brainwashing, memory loss, and uncomfortable discussions about telepathic mind control and conditioning; also mr. sinister being a nazi eugenicist and sebastian shaw + charles xavier being horrible people in general)

dark avengers era

dark wolverine (2009) #75-77 (TW for mentions of racism, references to child sexual assault, and homophobia)

dark avengers #5-6

dark wolverine (2009) #78-80

[OPTIONAL] incredible hulk #603 

[OPTIONAL] utopia [dark avengers/uncanny x-men: utopia #1, dark x-men: the beginning #2, uncanny x-men #513, dark avengers #7, uncanny x-men #514, dark avengers #8, dark avengers/uncanny x-men: exodus #1, dark x-men: the confession #1 (TW for references of racism)]

dark reign: the list - punisher #1 (TW for gore)

dark avengers #9-12

siege [dark wolverine (2009) #81-84 (TW for disassociation, mentions of child abuse, suicide, and torture), dark avengers #16]

solo adventures

reckoning [wolverine: origins #46, dark wolverine (2009) #85, wolverine: origins #47, dark wolverine (2009) #86, wolverine: origins #48] (TW for abuse, gore, gaslighting, and references to self harm)

dark wolverine #87 (TW for depression and implied suicidal ideation?)

[CAMEO, OPTIONAL] wolverine: origins #49-50 (TW for gore, mentions of abuse, and disassociation) 

punishment [dark wolverine (2009) #88, franken-castle #19, dark wolverine (2009) #89, franken-castle #20]

wolverine goes to hell [dark wolverine #90, wolverine: road to hell #1, [CAMEO] wolverine (2010) #11, #14-15 (TW for child murder, disassociation, alcoholism, and mentions of child abuse and neglect)]

[CAMEO, OPTIONAL] deadpool (2010) #37, #49.1-54 

dark wolverine (2010) #1-7 (TW for suicide and gore)

collusion [x-23 (2010) #8, dark wolverine (2010) #8, x-23 (2010) #9, dark wolverine (2010) #9] (TW for torture, child murder, and mentions of child abuse)

dark wolverine (2010) #9.1-20 (2010) (TW for drug use, heavy depictions of addiction, self harm, gore, medical trauma, unhealthy amounts of disassociation, discussions about psychopathy and mental illness, toxic and abusive representations of queer relationships, homophobia, depression, plus mentions of racism, grooming, and child abuse; moonwalking and pride comes arc's "claws killer" mystery is also a clear reference to the hollywood ripper case) 

dark wolverine (2010) #21-23 (TW for suicide, disassociation, and drug use)

[AU, OPTIONAL] what if: wolverine father 

death and resurrection

uncanny x-force (2010) #25-35 (TW for child abuse, disassociation, and brainwashing) 

uncanny avengers (2012) #9-15, #19-22 (TW for torture, gore, and brainwashing) 

logan’s death

death of wolverine: the logan legacy #1, #5, #7 

wolverines #1-2, #4, #9, #14-17, #19-20 (TW for gore, graphic depictions of amputation, medical trauma, mr. sinister being a fucking nazi eugenicist (AGAIN), depression, suicidal ideation, and a fair bit of victim-blaming for akihiro's plotline) 

iceman (2017) #4, #8-10 (TW for gore and mentions of depression and brainwashing)

[AU, CAMEO, OPTIONAL] uncanny x-men: winter's end

[CAMEO] all-new wolverine #21

all-new wolverine #25-30 (TW for gore, graphic depictions of amputation, mentions of child abuse and brainwashing, and torture) 

x-men: blue #24-30

hunt for wolverine: claws of a killer (TW for gore and brainwashing)

[CAMEO] return of wolverine #2

krakoa

[CAMEO] house of x #5 

[CAMEO] x-force (2019) #9 (TW for gore and self harm) 

x-factor (2020) #1-3, #5-10 (TW for slutshaming, disassociation, and mentions of domestic abuse, grooming, suicidal ideation, and trauma + implied alcoholism in #1?; issue #10 needs a special TW for a clear reference to the ed buck serial killer case) 

[CAMEO] wolverine (2020) #8

[CAMEO] hellions (2020) #12 

[CAMEO] trial of magneto #1-2 

new mutants (2019) #15, #19-20, #24, #29 (TW for child murder and mentions of child endangerment) 

[CAMEO, OPTIONAL] x lives of wolverine #3 (TW for gore) 

x deaths of wolverine #3-5 (TW for graphic descriptions of torture)

[AU, CAMEO, OPTIONAL] spiderpunk (2022) #3

marvel's voices infinity comic #27-32

marvel’s voices: pride (2021)

marauders (2022) annual, #1-12 (TW for gore, brainwashing, and torture)

alpha flight (2023) #1-5

wolverine (2020) #41-42, 44 (TW for gore)

in total, he has around 180 appearances where he’s the main(ish) focus... if you wanna see my notes and commentary here (+ additional context) here's the longer spreadsheet version (NEW)

[ohforgottenlittleclover]

────── BLOG INTRO.

─────────── ₎₎ welcome ! ✦⁺.

. .┊ ◟﹫ nickname : clover.

. .┊ ◟﹫ age : 20.

. .┊ꜝꜝ﹒pronouns : he/they.

. .┊ ◟﹫ sexuality : ╮(￣▽￣"")╭ ( asexual, i'm quite sure. maybe aromantic, but… i'm not confident yet ).

. .┊ ◟﹫ zodiac : sagittarius.

. .┊ ◟﹫ personality type : infp.

⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ‧₊˚✧

╰─ - ̗̀✎ favourite…

. .┊ ◟﹫ colour : blue.

. .┊ ◟﹫ anime : hunter x hunter ( as of now ).

. .┊ ◟﹫ game : stardew valley ( as of now ).

⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ‧₊˚✧

╰─ - ̗̀✎ more !

. .┊ ◟﹫ vent blog ( mostly ).

. .┊ ◟﹫ TW / CW : vent, mental health / mental illness discussion & mention, ( possible ) mention of grooming, suicidal ideation, attempted suicide mention, glaring changes in self-perception ( for example… i am perfect / i could never be in the wrong vs i am the worst being to have ever been spit out on this earth / i have never done anything right since the moment i was born ), self destructive thoughts, depressing thoughts, violent thoughts… ╰─ - other trigger / content warnings may apply, albeit along these same lines. so… have utmost care for yourself.

╰───────────── ✦ ⁺.

[izzyizumi]

P.S.A RE: JOU KIDO'S TRI~KIZUNA~THE BEGINNING SEIYUU {JUNYA IKEDA}

If you have time, PLEASE go write a message of support on Junya Ikeda’s tweet. {tri. Jou’s V.A.} Please be kind and respectful if you do. IMPORTANT: In your messages, DO NOT compare Junya's work as Tri~The Beginning!Jou to other works or roles!! Focus on describing what you like about Junya's performance! DO NOT describe what you dislike about the series, focus on what you like!

Easy Complimenting for J.P.N Artists (Can use some of these to compliment Junya's work)

Junya mentions that Junya would love handwritten letters {in any language} If you struggle with space you can format envelop this way Romaji for address J.P.N text for address

This is a developing situation. As of right now, it seems no one active on Toei U.S. side is commenting on it / addressed it (please inform me if they do!) TW: Talk of suicidal ideation {Junya discusses chronic depression} Please take caution if you choose to read Junyas letter, but please also show Junya support right now if you can!!

Aside from Jou, here are more of Ikeda's roles.

EDIT: JUNYA IS OK!!! {More info}! Junya was grateful to already receive so many letters, but this is still a developing situation, and obviously Junya would clearly still love to hear from everyone!! Junya's DMs {direct messages} have also been opened again! If you struggle with the word limit, DMs would be the way to send something if you can't send via mail!!

(I am not a professional translator, this was auto translated) ^ Regardless, it's clear Junya would still love messages, so let's please continue to SUPPORT Junya during this time!!

JUNYA LEAVING DMs OPEN IS A PRIVILEGE TO FANS. DO NOT abuse this by sending rude comments, bashing / blatant putting down of other series or Tri, comparing of other roles, comparing of Junya to others in the industry, etc.! Please remember to be KIND & RESPECTFUL!

[darkfinch]

how was the Lethal Weapon viewing experience? I remember you mentioning Convergence a couple times, and of course the Kittyfangs Saga has been a whole thing, but I don't remember if you've talked about Lethal Weapon. (I've never seen any of these and don't intend to, just curious.)

I do not think you are prepared for my response to this question unfortunately i am So sorry

……..sigh. the thing about lethal weapon is that it is fundamentally, structurally batshit. it is not a television show. it is an ordeal

* tw for suicidal ideation , suicide, depression, child death, pregnancy, bad television. also some spoilers for lethal weapon *

so in theory lethal weapon is a "television show" based on the 1987 film of the same name, where buddy cop character #1 (played by damon wayans) is a normal suburban dad with a cool wife and some cool kids (AND AN EXCEPTIONALLY ADORABLE BABY) who is heading back to work after getting a pacemaker.

buddy cop character #2 (played by our own mr crawford) is one hundred and sixty-seven layers of trauma bundled into one openly suicidal thing of pure chaos, currently transferring in to this police department after having suddenly lost his wife and baby a few months earlier

the thing is, damon wayans was brought in on the premise of this being a like, a funny lighthearted feel-good show primarily focused on his character and his character's adorable suburban family

clayne crawford was brought into this on the premise that they were going to let him do some absolutely gut-wrenching character shit (his most cherished thing to do, guy loves 2 be a man with problems) and a lot of fun action scenes

instead of blending these two concepts together into any kind of coherent media experience, what happens is that the creative team on this show (with help from a ton of behind-the-scenes bullshit no one will ever have enough time to dig through) ended up essentially making TWO INDIVIDUAL TELEVISION SHOWS and then stapling them together and praying

the results: *muffled distant screaming over upbeat pop music*

i genuinely cannot stress enough how much these two halves of this television show refuse to interact with one another on any level. Like. i am talking about clayne crawford experiencing beautifully shot sequences of suicidal ideation to sad indie music, hard cut, sitcom hijinks with this cute suburban family

the imperceptible Effect that this creates is that clayne crawford is doing all of his incredible fucked up character shit, experiencing grief in his illegally-parked trailer, walking along the edges of rooftops, casually mentioning that he wants to die, detailing his plan for how he’d kill himself Out Loud To His Partner with absolutely minimal prompting — and no one is allowed to engage with it, because they’re operating on funny show logic, and that would be a Bummer

i am not kidding :^) they're genuinely all just like "oh weird" *smash cut to drone footage of, like, LA or whatever, to upbeat pop music*

Iike i cannot convey what is happening in the show. The extent of it. wayans walks in on crawford holding a gun to his own head and it's treated like "oops i walked in on my coworker doing something awkward" they are ONE step away from awkward sitcom music, it is Not discussed in any meaningful way,

crawford’s OUT LOUD like "i have nothing to live for" and wayans (who is not a good coworker or a good friend) is like *offended voice* "well if you think THAT then maybe you SHOULD go kill yourself" *storms out* HEY HI HELLO. WHAT IN FUCK

unsolicited example number 3: crawford’s having a Bad Night, and he goes out and deliberately provokes a bunch of dudes in a bar into beating him half to death (possibly so that he doesn’t have to go to the family dinner he’s been invited to by wayans, who has a house and a family—AND a baby the same age his own kid would be if his pregnant wife had not died On The Way to the hospital to give birth, less than a year ago). Wayans calls him while he’s bleeding in the middle of the road to chew him out for missing the dinner. Wayans is like “this is really hurtful to me, you’ve hurt me” which is very extremely funny because crawford is physically hurt right now. Later crawford shows up to work beat up and wayans is like “oh weird” and they don’t have a real conversation abt it MOVING ONNN FUN SOUNDTRACK

but don't worry they're friends they're so so close they're Dude Buddies, Guy Friends, Family Even, HURT NO COMFORT TELEVISION SHOW,

This "television" "show" will not stop talking about mental health but the mental healths of the show are bad. For instance:

This man lives off of classic depression meals Exclusively, he visibly does not take care of himself, he’s barely getting out of bed in the morning, he says he likes weekends because he can lie on his couch and dissociate for 48 hours without any societal expectations, (HE’S, AGAIN, OPENLY DISCUSSING THAT HE WOULD LIKE TO NOT BE ALIVE), and it takes most of a season for his cop-assigned therapist to be like “wait holy shit?? like i might be reaching here but…..have you considered that you might have…………..The Depression. Textbook even. woah” and i lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling and netflix autoplays the next episode

It really only gets worse as the show goes on, because the people in charge of this production had to lie to and finagle these actors into working together again for season 2 (nonono don't worry, wayans reeaaaally wants to be here, we're gonna make this one single coherent television show don't WORRY)

we find out in s2 that crawford’s character’s life has been horrifying from the jump and he has never had even a goddamn SECOND of peace, but because he can’t talk through this information with any other character (because they don’t care on more than a surface level, because that would be weird and a bummer) he’s having these entirely internal character arcs and backstory revelations and they are CONTAINED EXCLUSIVELY within solo scenes and flashbacks in his half of the show 

but also for it to be a heartwarming buddycop scenario, he has to hang out with the suburban family and get to know the wife and the kids etc etc, which he does —but they can’t know Him or anything about his situation, because that’s not suburbia-sitcom-vibe-appropriate, so they don’t. Faux found family. Found family like how your employer’ll be like “we’re a family here” and you’re like “uh oh”

(like. you know how people are like "well my dnd character wouldn't ever talk about his tragic backstory and wouldn't really want to work with people" and it's like okay jeremy, but this is fiction, so if you want the story to work you sometimes have to find a way to Make Them Do That. that's one of the thousand curses of this televisioned showe)

AND THE THING IS, the thing is, right, this show is actually so fucking good at times. I’m saying it i will say it it has SHINING MOMENTS of brilliance. Mr. Crawford’s hair is wonderful. The traditional cop show side characters are a delight. The soundtrack is fun. The suburban wayans family are my family and i love them. There ARE cute buddy cop moments it IS fun i DO love the antics i DO love mr crawford nailing the “comedic manic glee -> ohhhhhh im weeping abt lethal weapon” quickchange

(AND, if we take a step to the left, the show can be read as a stumbling commentary on the isolation that often comes with mental illness and grief etc etc. if we squint and offer more credit than is deserved)

But the dialogue is frequently Quite bad, one half of the main buddycop duo comes off as being entirely apathetic and self-centred and just bizarrely Incurious, the writing is........writing (my FAVOURITE scene is where crawford’s lad has a drunken one-night-stand, feels like he’s cheated on his wife, goes to a crime scene feeling extremely Crisis about it, and then wayans sees him and goes “sinner”. And crawford points to himself like :’0 “me?” but it turns out “sinner” was carved into the victims’ chest I TAKE IT BACK i love this dumb fucking show) 

(also. it imploded behind the scenes, which i'm not going to go into here because it's a lot of unnecessary nonsense, but end result was that The Powers That Be were like "crawford's the problem we're replacing him" when in reality wayans didn't want to be there and everyone was miserable and nothing was working. his Section of the show ends weirdly, and then they do one (1) season with a new character in his place, and no one watches it, and then the show ends dlksjhflkjsh)

Anyway lethal weapon is a Harrowing thing to witness and perceive especially if you have struggled with depression or know folks who have, but it is also funny and ?? fun ??? clayne crawford has been given fun angst bones to chew on in his acting enclosure he is doing Such a good job, it also put him off of non-indie projects completely and is Bad and i cannot in good faith ever recommend it but i did binge watch 1.5 seasons of it TWICE so like maybe it just gives you brain damage idk. Hate it tho. Hate the media

TLDR: it sure is something

[changeling-fae]

alone, desire, & guilt!

Thanks, definitely doing this for Nym. Going to put under the cut ‘cuz it’s dark. TW for past child abuse, implied past CSA, suicidal mentions, and drug abuse.

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

Oh boy, before the start of the game she was dealing with such loneliness and major depression that she had many suicidal ideations. That’s essentially what had her returning to the Devil’s Den to see Raphael so often.

After the woman she had feelings for got her own life together and met someone, Nym kept coming back to Raphael for lanceboard, wine, and philosophical discussions. She was seriously contemplating just letting him have her soul on the condition that he devour it so she doesn’t ever have to exist again.

Before she met him, she dealt with her loneliness through sex and ONS. She also did a lot of drugs to get high. Basically anything that would distract that gaping void inside her where she felt numb and in pain (both mental and physical).

She kept herself busy through her job as an entertainer or through the cult stuff with Bhaal. She just did what the cult wanted but at least it kept her distracted (and I headcanon the white dragonborn Durge also existed and was the leader at the time before she and Orin shanked him).

She’s felt and has been alone since her father’s death as a child. The man who bought her from the debt collector kept her hidden beneath his estate and she lived in a cell for 4 years in utter darkness before she escaped and was found by the cult.

If no one is around, she just gets high and stares into the middle distant for hours. Sometimes she’ll even cry before she pulls herself together and continues forward with whatever people want from her.

desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire?Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?

To not feel so dead inside, to stop feeling both numb and in constant agony of her existence. Before the events of the game, she really thought about just surrendering to Raphael (she was aware he wanted her soul, this is before he’s canonically obsessed with Tav/Durge though so was just viewing her like another client). Some part of her clung to life though, which is why she never went through it but also she hadn’t been back to see him after she and Gortash stole the crown through his home.

She never hid that desire around Raphael though and he was well aware that he just had to patient (initially). Fate had other plans though.

Now however, her desire is to live and to heal. She has kids to look after, she finds love with Astarion, and she has a new type of relationship with Raphael. She’s ready to move forward and start anew.

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

She has major survivors guilt for one thing. Her father (her favorite person) had died protecting her. She also feels some guilt (though she buries it) over killing the kids of the man who held her captive. When she escaped, she was in a blood rage and murdered every soul in the estate, including his kids. She was still a kid herself (14) but it haunts her a bit.

She’s got a soft spot for kids and giving her Durge lifestyle, doesn’t feel good whenever kids get caught in the crossfire, or making kids into orphans. But that’s what drugs and compartmentalizing is for.

When she murders Quil in the game, she’s not entirely sure what happened and feels a measure of guilt there and tried to hide evidence of her involvement. She didn’t hide the body but she washed the blood off of herself and told the group (technically truthfully) that she didn’t see anything that night when they ask her if she was involved.

She’s very good at mental compartmentalization overall though.

[zodiariesworld]

| day 2 of living with zoe

tw: discussion of passive suicidal ideation and depression.

living is something that’s honestly been hard for me to do these past few years. i’ve been alive, but truly i’ve been actively trying to undo for that for years passively.

the harmful words i would throw at myself as i stare into the mirror comparing myself to others. anyone who breathed was competition to me.

i went into high school used to being the best. i went to a small prep school where our 6th grade class was filled with 26 people, the most it had in years. and there i was the best.

my high school classes at from 30-40 people in there. not to mention i also competed against everyone in the grade.

i hated anything with games and competitions. i hate how people acted during it, and how angry and aggressive they got. so to enter an environment where everyone was competing against each other was not for me.

that’s when i developed anxiety to an extent that was unhealthy. other girls too had this same anxiety (i went to an all girls’ high school. one of the best in the country.) but they were used to it. they thrived in competition. they encouraged it. me? i feared it.

when the anxiety hit me and i lost control of my own body to where it envolved into shakes. shakes i’ve never experienced, hospitals and tests i had to do. blood tests to the point where the needle was comforting to me. learning how to swallow pills as at least of nine of them had to go down my throat for the day.

that’s when i started to struggle to want to live. that’s when those words i’ve never said before, the voices in my head encouraging me to give up. and i did many times.

i’m not a fighter.

i don’t like to push myself past my limits.

i distinctly remember the moments when i gave up. not actively but passively yet it was still actively. i still actively hated living. i hated waking up and having to drag myself to do tests and hoping i can find some validation in them.

but now i’m pushing. slowly, but surely i’m pushing. i’m a second year uni student who is trying to figure out what the hell to do with her life. i’m trying to push to get my degree. no matter what it takes except. i’m actually taking care of myself.

doing little things like saying, “it’s okay to go to sleep if you’re tired” or “it’s okay if i don’t understand. i understand other things.”

by actually being positive, instead of saying “there’s no way i’ll pass this test.” i say “i can do it. i’ll pass it and if i don’t. i’ll do better next time and move on,”

granting myself those graces that i never gave poor 13 year old zoe is healing.

though sometimes it hurts me because i do have stuff to get done. but i allow myself to slack off a bit, because i’m tired. and my body deserves rest.

i’ll keep practicing this. it’s just me against me in this competition. being healthy is what’s best for me. i’ll keep trying my best. and i’ll keep trying to be happy. i want to be alive i realized. no matter how much it’s painful to keep trying to keep that want. i know it’ll pay off to where i’m content.

i’ll keep finding these small but certain happens in life. ☁️🩷

[insoukokuhell-434]

Angst & Fluff - skk fics

The format I’m using is:

Title - writer (ao3 link)

Angst related to ( )

Fic length Time period (teen/mafia skk, 22! Skk, all ages) Additional tags (Tags in bold added by me for extra info) TW

Some fics have parts of the summary/ comments added for additional info

Willful Neglect - timeisdancing

Chuuya Dies (temporarily), Chuuya in Emotional & Physical Pain, Dazai's Grief and Guilt

27.9k 22 SKK Angst with a Happy Ending, Time Travel, Not a death fic - It starts off as a death fic but it does not stay that way Dazai Being An Idiot , Dazai Being An Asshole , But he learns his lessons and comes around. Dazai also starts off distant and then goes full simp, Clingy Dazai Dazai needs a hug, Chuuya needs a hug, Mutual Pining, Cuddling & Snuggling, Soft skk, Chuuya Uses Corruption, Dazai Takes Care of Chuuya Grief/Mourning, Self-Hatred, Guilt, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Gaslighting, Manipulation By Mori, Mori Ougai Being An Asshole

hide the truth - writingfromtheshadows

Chuuya's Amnesia, Soukoku in Emotional pain, Soukoku Fight, Dazai's Defection, Dazai's Suicidal ideation

24.6 k 22 SKK Amnesia, Canon Divergence, Unreliable Narrator, Developing Relationship, Pining,  Implied Sexual Content, Post-Dead Apple TW- Canon-Typical Violence, Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions

Stay - the_most_happy

Dazai feels guilt, Soukoku Fight, Soukoku in Emotional & Physical Pain

23.6k 22 SKK AU - Canon Divergence Deaf Chuuya, sign language, Chuuya is so done, Dazai tries his best Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Chuuya in Denial, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Kiss Kiss Fall in Love, Idiots in Love, Love confessions in the rain because SKK are dramatic, Getting Together, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Skk's Unconventional Mating Rituals, Developing Relationship, Relationship Study, Soft skk Hurt/Comfort, Literal Sleeping Together, Domestic Fluff, Canon Compliant, Sweet

Around We Go (And Back Again)- by zombiemarker

Soukoku Fight, Soukoku in Emotional Pain

24.2k 22 SKK ADA Chuuya, Angst and Humor, Fluff, Dazai Osamu is Bad at Feelings, Nakahara Chuuya Is So Done, Nakahara Chuuya Needs a Break, Hurt/Comfort, ADA Ensemble, Minor Shin Soukoku TW- Attempted Murder

What doesn't kill me (makes me want you more) - the_most_happy

Soukoku Fight

5.5k 22 SKK (Post-Canon, Post-109) Character Study, Established Relationship, Enemies and Lovers, Love Confessions, Possessive Dazai, Caring Chuuya, Resolved Sexual Tension, non-Graphic Smut, Pillow Talk, Sleepy Kisses, Soft skk, skk’s Unconventional Mating Rituals, Canon Compliant

hey look, the sky's falling apart - saffroncassis    

Child Abuse, Dazai's Depression & Self harm

24.8k TEEN SKK (16/17) AU - Canon Divergence Hurt/Comfort, Protective Nakahara Chuuya, Developing Relationship Found Family (the Akutagawa siblings, Oda's kids, Kyouka, Oda, Ango) TW- Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse and discussions of both these

Summary - "At age 16, Chuuya defects from the Port Mafia and drags his partner with him not so much kicking and screaming as silently begrudging, and the rest follow suit in time."

For the Record - zombiemarker

Soukoku Fight, Dazai & Chuuya in Emotional/Physical Pain, Childhood Trauma

19.1k TEEN SKK  AU- Spies & Secret Agents Emotional & Physical Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Childhood Trauma, they get all dressed up and go to a gala, Implied Sexual Content, Literal sleeping together, Getting together, First kiss, Developing Relationship TW - Blood and Violence, Childhood Trauma

From tags: "Chuuya's a government experiment, Dazai's been with Mori for years, they've both got trauma now"

Love is not a victory march - osamuchuu

Dazai's Depression, Suicide Attempts and Drug Addiction

8.7k 22 SKK Soukoku taking care of each other, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mental Illness, Depression, Drug Addiction, Blood and Injury, Healing, Recovery, Soukoku Tenderness, Light Angst TW -  Dazai-Typical Suicide References and Attempts, Addiction, Drug Use

Grown on me - Jules_tea

Chuuya in Physical and Emotional Pain

16.9k 22 SKK Alternate Universe - Post-Canon Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Possessive Chuuya, Jealous Dazai, Caring Dazai, Chuuya Uses Corruption, a new mission but at what cost, Love Confessions, Getting Together TW- Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions

From Summary - "Or, a story in which Nakahara Chuuya and Dazai Osamu come to accept their feelings, one way or another… and Dazai helps Chuuya finally accept himself."

They Were Different - nillakit

Chuuya in Emotional Pain, Soukoku Fight

11.9k 22 SKK Getting Together, Angst with a Happy Ending, They actually talk about shit

Lighter Angst

escalators to the moon - boyfangs

Soukoku Fight, Chuuya in Emotional Pain

20.6 k TEEN SKK AU - No abilities Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Emotional Constipation, First Kiss, Getting Together, Bickering, they’re both gay & petty, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort Found Family (Chuuya, Rimbaud, Verlaine)

Learning experiences by BlowingYourMind

Chuuya's PTSD

13k MAFIA SKK Light Angst, Fluff and Humor, missed childhoods, let them be children for once please and thank you, Chuuya-centric,  Chuuya Is So Done, Panic Attacks, Flashbacks, Dazai is a Mess, Chuuya Takes Care of Dazai, Dazai Takes Care of Chuuya, Dazai Needs a Hug, Chuuya Needs a Hug, they both get hugs Chuuya Uses Corruption, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Sharing a Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Soft skk, Mori Being An Asshole

From Summary: "Chuuya can't read. Dazai can't ride a bike. They both can't swim for one reason or another. All learning experiences they missed out on in their early childhood, though it seemed that they would need to make up for lost time."

Bitter/Sweet - Badwolf36

Chuuya in Physical Pain

4.1k Post-Corruption (Post-Dead Apple) Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Caring Dazai, Soft Dazai, Chuuya Needs a Hug, Angst, Stabbing, First Aid, Denial of Feelings, denial, pain

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[circular-bircular]

Sigh. Venting post, tw for syscourse and trauma dumping, some sui ideation mentions, RAMCOA mention.

I just had to leave a pro/endo server tonight. In actuality, it’s closer to endo-safe than pro/endo; it’s a server that is run by those who accept endogenic plurals and allows any type of person in, so long as they’re willing to be respectful and not spread misinformation.

Tonight, someone asked about if it was possible for a traumagenic system to influence the forming of an alter. The response the moderators gave was, as a direct quote: “strictly traumagenic systems can’t influence the formation of alters like that /info”.

I am a traumagenic system with a traumagenic created alter. She doesn’t really like to be called created, because people assume created means no trauma, but it’s entirely possible for Traumagenic systems to have purposely created alters.

In our case, it was due to our depression causing us to be suicidal. Our friend was very worried about us, and (not knowing we have DID) told us to create a person in our head that personified every bad thought we had. We imagined Debra. We talked to her for weeks. From what we’ve seen, her formation was a bit similar to those who discuss willing alters into existence: only, when we did it, she stressed us out. She hated us. She traumatized us regularly, and actively made our sui ideation worse. And, as my ideation got worse, she just became more and more real.

There’s no one “moment” we can discern for when she first fronted or “became” an alter. But that’s our experience. And that’s the words that work best (we’ve been workshopping if she’s an introjected idea or something). Seeing the mod say this made us feel incredibly invalidated, as a traumagenic system who has experienced this, and as a traumagenic system who is friends with those who have programmed systems from RAMCOA.

So, we responded to the mod saying: “Um, that is not actually my experience, I will say. Traumagenic systems can, in some ways, influence their splits. Not nearly to the extent of endogenic plurals, but as a truamagenic alter [meant system] with a traumagenic “created” alter, it can be incredibly complicated.”

What I meant here wasn’t to say that all traumagenic systems can manipulate their splits like I did. It was just trying to remind the moderator that systems like mine do exist, and that my experiences are valid.

Instead, it was taken to be passive aggressive, accused of putting words in the moderators mouth, dogpiled by multiple moderators in a ticket (who, mind you, shamed the alter who was out at the time for being triggered by being attacked), told “nobody is angry with you” while being told all of this, told I was acting like I knew everything (again, about my own personal experiences, which have been confirmed by multiple systems and my therapist alike), and shut down when I asked if I could explain my own experiences because “we don’t want to hear it, as you can’t influence splits while they’re happening.”

So I left.

But yeah… anti-endos are the ones who deny personal experience, misinform, and define systemhood too strictly. /s

Update: turns out one of the moderators was anti-endo too. So turns out, both sides are shit, again, per usual.

[thasdorah]

did alleria ever expect to return to azeroth? how did she feel when she realized she could finally go home, even if things had drastically changed? were there things she missed a lot, like, not just places, but little things, like food or music? is she happy being back home?

meta asks ♡

— @shxwmaster

tw for suicidal ideation mention

when alleria rejoined the alliance and chose to be part of the expedition to outland, she didn't expect to return, or survive — which is part of why she chose to go in the first place. during the second war, quel'thalas was hit hardest in its forests, where her family lived. beyond the dark portal is outdated, but it mentions "Alleria had personally lost no fewer than eighteen kin of various degrees of closeness — cousins, aunts, uncles, nephews." and while 'nephews' does not apply, really, i hold that most of the windrunners died then, including of course her parents and younger brother. herself, sylvanas and vereesa were almost the only ones left.

that degree of loss, when she knew the horde was going to attack her homeland but was forbidden from leaving alone to try and reach quel'thalas without the alliance to get there before the horde and at the very least warn them and try to save some, marked her deeply. alleria felt tremendous survivor's guilt, and as the eldest sister she also felt she couldn't break down. all of that ended up leaving her not only deeply depressed but eager to die. she devoted herself to vengeance, lost herself in the killing, and when the opportunity came to leave and likely die fighting the monsters she blamed for all the loss, she took it hoping she wouldn't come back.

i won't get into detail about how this changes, but it does (in great part thanks to khadgar). even if she doesn't forgive herself, she's willing to live. and then, by the time xe'ra tries to recruit her into the army of the light, alleria hesitates to say yes because she wants to go back because of arator. she only accepts to go fight the legion because that is posed to her as a necessity, but she feels certain she will go back to azeroth and see her son again.

"I would do anything to protect Arator, to protect my people and my world. If there are enemies bent on destroying it, then I will not rest. I will give my life if necessary. But I know I will see my son again."

this never changes, even as centuries pass and she sees the flaws in the army of light and the path xe'ra leads them towards, even as she comes into contact with the void and chooses to pursue it, the certainty remains and is reinforced when, in contact with both forces, she gets a glimpse of what is to come and can see her return to fight the legion, as she tells xe'ra:

"We walk different paths, but we are not enemies. I have seen it. I will join the Army of the Light in the final battle against the Legion, and together we will bring the demons down."

so i don't think it was ever as much a realization as a certainty she held on to, that this would happen, that she would see her family again. i don't think alleria realized how much things would be changed by the time she got back. i don't think she had a way of even guessing — time passed differently in the nether and in the void, if there was time in the latter at all.

so i'll skip over part of the question briefly to discuss the last bit: is she happy being back home?

i don't think she ever considered she may not be, before she managed to return. which is why it hits all the hardest when so much of what she loved has perished or changed beyond recognition. i don't think going back home is ever as satisfactory as she hoped — i think she still doesn't feel at home, in many ways, and that she never will because her home doesn't exist anymore, the people who made it home are not the same anymore, there's nothing left of it to go back to. ultimately, alleria remains displaced. stormwind may have accepted her, but it will never be home, and she hasn't found her place since returning to azeroth.

she sticks with the echoes of what is known: the alliance, the sister she can establish a closer relationship with again, to an extent even turalyon, for a time. but it aches. she tries to fit in a way she doesn't anymore, and i think she'll only really be happy when she lets go of all the stuff she's holding on to because she thinks there's nothing left and she needs the reasons to keep moving.

so no, i don't think she's happy to be home. she's happy when she gets to reconnect with vereesa or arator, she's happy when she gets to indulge in all the things she's missed. there are so many. she missed hearing and speaking thalassian so much while away from anyone who shared her mother tongue for so long. she missed music dearly, any type of music that was familiar and from azeroth, eventually any type of music at all. music is something the windrunners all seemed to love, and share as an expression of love; lirath was a musicist, sylvanas sings, their memories frequently have the three sisters dancing together. she missed it so much, especially music from quel'thalas.

food, of course, she missed too. there's just something about how different food is in different cultures, and, again, she hasn't been around anyone thalassian in ages. she missed it greatly. alleria is not a picky eater; she's not squeamish in any way, and she'd easily survive on whatever is available, but it doesn't change she'd miss food from her homeland. a lot of what she misses is tied to quel'thalas, ultimately. in how things taste, the sound of music but also the simple sounds of eversong; she spent so much time in those woods, because she loved them even more than because it was her job as a ranger. the scents of it, too; leaves and flowers and earth. i think at some point even azeroth's weather was something she missed. the sound of gentle rain upon the earth, the loudness of a thunderstorm, the gentle feeling of sunlight upon skin and grass beneath you.

in many ways, despite coming from a people deeply tied to magic, alleria is portrayed as a very traditional 'wood elf' type of character. she has strong ties to nature, suffers when eversong is defiled, finds relief in what is left of a forest in outland when the alliance expedition reaches it (the place where her friends establish the allerian stronghold in her honor, which i'm just mentioning because it makes me weep a bit). so i think she misses everything associated with the forests of her home, be it flora or fauna. one gets tired of finding demonic beings to kill amidst desolate worlds instead of getting a glimpse of familiar creatures between golden leaves. she misses hawkstriders and dragonhawks. she misses sunflowers.

there's a million little things she misses, beyond people and places. alleria genuinely loves her world, and being away from it for so long was never easy. in those little things is where she finds the most relief, i think. even if everything is changed and there is no place for her in azeroth anymore, even if she doesn't have a home, she can still enjoy walking barefoot in grass and smelling the perfume of flowers and feeling sun and rain upon her skin and watching the starry sky from azeroth with its two moons because it was never as pretty anywhere else she's been. it doesn't set things right. she's still not happy, necessarily. but it's enough.

[phantom-witch]

Phantom's Finished: Doki Doki Literature Club!+

DISCLAIMER: This is specifically about the Side Stories new to the console release, as that is basically its own game and I am unable to play the base game. Furthermore, it was through my partner @shioripresents so I didn't have to play the base game due to triggers! No Meta/Psychedelic horror triggers but there IS...

TW: Suicide Mention, Self-Hate, Panic Attacks, Anxiety and Depression (brief mention of derealisation but I don't go into it)

A year ago, I would have never imagined playing this game! I had a very bad experience when I was 13 and this game was EVERYWHERE online. As to be honest, I was myself Suicidal at the time (and still struggle with Suicidal thoughts today)

And to be quite honest, I am not too keen on the base game still. I respect the reason others love it, but it triggers my derealisation and suicidal ideation quite easily. So low and behold when I met my to be girlfriend, Shiori! And wow she loved this game and I always had respect for it but wasn't ready for it to be discussed loads. Overtime, we've grown closer and closer the past 9 months (especially the 6 months we've been together) and I felt I wanted something to get closer to my partner and understand her better...

And I can happily say I do.

These side stories are some of the best writing of mental health I've seen since Celeste that it makes me wish this was what the game always was! I genuinely think of this totally differently to the original games' main story, to the point I feel they made this out of respect to those hurt by the popularity of the og game. My only gripe is that you HAVE to play the base game to get these, which my partner luckily already had unlocked

But back to the game in question! This game goes through chapters focused around 2 of the main 4 characters that ties into a theme linked with their mental health. This felt really needed and I love the characterisation of Sayori, Monika, Yuri and Natuski which was really needed. The smile on my face or even the amount of times it was too relatable hit extremely hard! Huge recommendation to experiencing this side story if you can

SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT:

This will be going into detail about each characters individually and showing spoiler art from the side stories!

Due to this, there will be a lot more mentions of the TW mentioned at the top so please keep that in mind, look after yourself first! Okay? Okay!

Sayori!

Sayori is the one I easily connected with the most, who is given such a lovely adorable personality that rubs off on everyone around her! When she first meets Monika during the clubs early days, she really helps with everything in the club and shows such enthusiasm and initiative. However, my favourite element of her is the "bad side" of her as she describes...

Sayori has depression, and also has to deal with Suicidal thoughts quite a lot. She hides this as she's afraid of how she will be treated by others and uses poems to represent these thoughts as she otherwise can't

For example:

Monika is the one to discover this (how she handles it I will get to with her section) and Sayori completely breaks in such a realistic way... and is finally able to just talk about her thoughts. How she feels like a burden worrying people, wanting to help others over helping herself, but... also dealing with thoughts she can't control, making her feel she doesn't deserve to be alive. That she should take herself away from the world, and that she would be better off gone...

I know this too well, as I've dealt with Suicidal thoughts myself, I still do. The position Sayori is was where I was a few years ago and I'm still early on to my recovery. I'm okay being honest about that here as to review the mental health I need to talk about my own 💙 Which Sayori's representation hits very close to home in a very realistic way, to the point that she portrays herself as happy and bubbly! Monika supports her so well here and gives Sayori what she needs and we see Sayori be the most vulnerable, completely empty expression and struggling with her mind. I was in tears at this scene because I felt like I finally understood something about myself!

But that's not all! She learns and grows so much in trying to support Yuri and then Natsuki later on. With Yuri, Sayori supports her a lot and we see Sayori really trying her best to help Yuri feel included and really sweetly comforts her and shows how kind and thoughtful Sayori is. With Natsuki she has to learn the opposite! Where she needs to give people space and once she realises, does everything she can to make it right and understand. It's really sweet how determined she is whilst also showing she isn't "better" after the first chapter as she still puts people before her. Even in a chapter not focused on her, she helps Natsuki understand Yuri by talking about how she struggles with her own head...

I love Sayori, she is my favourite and I really appreciate how she represents those with depression and suicidal thoughts well

Yuri!

Moving forward, I won't be as in depth as I have a lot to say on my personal experiences linked to Sayori, so I'll be more concise! Yuri is a very reserved yet passionate character who clearly struggles a lot around other people. She is shown to feel she's being selfish when she really isn't. She struggles interpreting other's feeling and is what I would call extremely Autistic coded! She has a massive breakdown over-worrying about bothering Sayori about her books only for Sayori to comfort her and for Yuri to explain how used to being considered "the weird one" which hit me close to home too. I only recently found the people that cared for what I loved!

There's also how she and Natsuki needs to connect, and Monika tries to help but Yuri feels like she keeps saying the wrong thing...

Monika supports her to help speak in her own way, as Yuri learns how to express herself differently due to her struggles with communication. It's really good as it doesn't have Yuri "fix" herself with how she struggles and instead find alternatives to manage better, which I really like!

I would get into the obvious "Self-Love" chapter, but that requires me to talk a lot about Natsuki, so I'll mention that in her section! Yuri is a really sweet personality that's also completely different from the og game and I find that for the better, as I think her writing was super problematic. She deserves the world and I loved her characterisation

Natsuki!

Going into this, I didn't expect to care at all for Natsuki! She always came off as bitchy or a very... certain anime trope beginning with L in the og game.

Here they surprised me as Natsuki is misjudged by Monika and how she overtime has to set boundaries whilst communicating them healthily with Monica, Sayori and then Yuri. I feel Sayori was important for her to begin learning how to communicate this as Sayori always wishes the best for her friends. But, we see how consistently made fun of Natsuki has been made fun of for her love of Manga

This leads me with what I left out in Yuri's section, the final standard side story "Self-Love". This shows the aftermath of Yuri trying to communicate better, and how Natsuki has been coming to terms with her previous friend group being extremely toxic for her as they don't understand or respect her needs. I heavily felt this story due to how I've been in this situation with friends/friend groups too many times. (if anyone of those people ever read this, no hate, just from my personal perspective and experience) Yuri and Natsuki chill together each lunch and grow closer, as we learn more about Natsuki's group and how Yuri dislikes how they treat her. At first Natsuki dislikes the comment but then realises how bad this group is for her. It scares her, going into how it's "just apart of my life" and how "its hard to just lose that". Eventually, Natsuki decides to cut them off, bringing cupcakes for Yuri as she feels it's the only thing she can do to prove her worth. After Yuri says she doesn't want all of them, Natsuki breaks down after admitting she split up with her group. It's a full on panic attack which I went through too in a similar situation. Yuri realises and all worry shuts off just so she can help Natsuki stabilise herself.

She makes it clear to Natsuki that she doesn't need to serve a purpose to prove her worth to others, and anyone that made you think that doesn't deserve you around. I had to breathe as I was reading this whilst I reflected on some things here, as this was a powerful moment that meant a lot to me, now more than ever. Natsuki was a lot more complexed than I thought firsthand, and represented panic attacks and lack of self worth so well

Monika!

Monika is weird for me, as she is similar to Yuri where she is nothing like the og game, except to an even more extreme. Monika is a lot more human and actually... a character?? See it's so weird to talk about her as I can't help but be baffled by how different it is to have this Monika!

That being said, I really like Monika here! She is super focused on making the club the best it can be, which she learns more about as she meets everyone. Sayori helps her learn about how this club can be help for those to understand their own emotions after supporting Sayori's depression. She fully understands and supports Sayori's needs after discovering a poem clearly hinting towards what Sayori goes through, and comforts her and tells her how much meaning to this world she has without worrying or treating her differently. This in turn also helps Monika grow out of her perfectionism to express her own feelings more over the course of the side stories. Then Natsuki helps her learn past her own biases and be a more considerate and understanding person, even pushing herself to learn the piano. Yuri helps Monika to learn she can't fix everything and has to learn to either step back or approach things differently to support everyone better!

She really cares about making a club for others to feel a place to belong in, and grows so much through the game as it recontextualises the one thing I liked about the og game: "Your Reality" This song, whilst originally meta, was so beautifully contextualised to mean more about one's own heart and using writing and expression to learn more about yourself through the good and the bad times.

"The ink flows down into the dark colours Just move your hand, write the way into your heart"

This side story was everything to me as I was able to spend time with my girlfriend... Thank you Shiori

[bambazzle]

LGBT+ Fantasy/Fiction Books and TWs

1. Carry On by Rainbow Rowell-

(Fantasy, Witches, Vampires, kind of Harry Potter-y, Romance, TW for mention of suicidal ideation/self-destructiveness, abandonment, foster care, neglect, murder/violence, gun violence and relationship issues in the second book. It has some heavy topics but is written in a pretty light tone.)

2. Red White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston-

(enemies to lovers, about the son of the President and the Prince of England getting into a fight, they have to fake a friendship to fix their PR situation, TW for being publicly outed and semi-graphic sex scenes, also often politically charged discussions)

3. Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller-

(Ancient Greece, demigods, exile, TW for war/violence and tragedy, homophobia, bad parenting)

4. The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic-

(It’s about the mafia/college sports and happens to have a compelling queer storyline in the process. Demisexual main character and other gay characters. (slow burn, it’s a trilogy and the romance doesn’t happen in the first book) TW for a lot of things, it’s about kids from broken homes and the mafia so there is abuse, self harm, murder, police intervention, organized crime, drug use, assault, rehab, all kinds of weapons, manipulation, slurs, etc. The second book has mentions of r*pe (not extremely graphic but it is mentioned a handful of times and there is one semi graphic scene), and torture. It is a great series but it has heavy content and is not light reading if you go in unprepared.)

5. The House on the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune -

(MLM, fantasy, found family, heartwarming romance, magical creatures)

6. Heartstopper by Alice Oseman-

(MLM, graphic novel, slow burn, coming out TW for anorexia, self harm, suicidal ideation, homophobia)

7. The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater-

(Fantasy, about a secret private school, slow burn)

8. They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera-

(Bisexual Latino characters, whole story takes place in 24 hours because at about midnight- aka the start of the book- they get a phone call saying they’re gonna die, TW for death, family in hospital, violence, police intervention, and foster care)

9. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo-

(queer characters (but no romance in the first book, TW for graphic depictions of violence, ableism, mention of abuse, mention of sexual slavery and assault, imprisonment)

10. The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee (Historical Fiction Romance, Travel/Journey, Best Friends to lovers, MLM characters. TW for abuse, homophobia, racism, suicidal ideation, alcoholism, depiction of epileptic seizures, gun violence, and discussion of insane asylums)

11. In Deeper Waters by FT Lukens-

(Royalty, kidnapping, MLM characters not being released until April but it looks great)

12. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz-

(coming of age story, MLM, TW for violence/injury, surgery, transmisogyny, homophobic violence)

14. We Contain Multitudes by Sarah Henstra-

(coming of age, friendship and romance)

15. Love and Other Curses by Michael Thomas Ford-

(magical realism, a curse about falling in love)

16. More Happy than Not by Adam Silvera-

(MLM main character, YA, “it's about a boy who is considering a memory-alteration procedure to forget he's gay because leading a life as a straight teen would probably be way easier for him. It's about science versus nature, friendship, sexuality, and a quest for happiness.” About the happy ending and how even bad moments lead to good. Hopeful but despairing. TW for medical procedure to erase sexuality, internalized homophobia, homophobia from others, depression)

17. I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver-

(Nonbinary main character, nonbinary muslim side character, romance/love and building a family out of people you care about. About finding your voice. TW for coming out and misgendering, family rejection/struggle)

18. We Are Okay by Nina LaCour-

(WLW, moving out and coming of age, self-discovery and childhood romance, TW for loss, depression, loneliness)

19. The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness-

(Contemporary, about the normal people’s lives while living among Chosen Ones. Family/coming of age/acceptance story. TW for monsters, apocalypse, violence/explosions, anorexia, anxiety attacks, unrequited romance)

20. Lizard Radio by Pat Schmatz-

(Dystopian story about a teenager struggling with their gender identity, TW for abandonment, oppressive government, outlawed homosexuality)

21. Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas-

(trans main character, hispanic characters, paranormal YA mystery with MLM characters)

22. Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat-

(Bisexual main character, TW for kidnapping/stockholm syndrome, abuse, sex scenes)

23. Witch Eyes by Scott Tracey-

(fantasy, MLM, supernatural)

24. Simon vs the Homosapiens Agenda by Becki Albertalli-

(romance, MLM, coming of age, TW for a closeted boy being blackmailed)

25. Fun Home by Alison Bechdel-

(WLW, graphic novel, coming of age, TW for csa, pedophilia, teacher/student relationships, none explicit if my memory serves correct)

26. George by Alex Gino-

(Trans girl, slice of life, coming out story, TW for deadnaming, homophobia, transphobia)

27. Afterworlds by Scott Westerfield-

(WLW, supernatural, fantasy)

28. Witchmark by C.L. Polk-

(MLM, Sci-Fi/Fantasy, mystery, Alternate universe post WW1, TW for murder/war, depression/angst)

29. The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling-

(WLW, Sci-Fi Horror, dystopian future, fictional planet, TW for psychological/emotional horror, toxic relationship, death)

30. The Culling by Steven Dos Santos-

(MLM, Dystopian Fantasy under a totalitarian, extremely cruel government. People must undergo ‘the trials’ in order to work for a government task force- if you fail at any of the trials you are forced to participate in the Culling, where the member has to choose a family member of theirs to die. TW for death, extortion, brutal violence, murder, totalitarian government)

31. Deposing Nathan by Zack Smedley-

(MLM, about a court case regarding the main character and his best friend- deals with breaking points in friendships and how people and perception change. TW for biphobia, gay bashing, legal trial, abuse, knives, violence)

32. Ziggy, Stardust, and Me by James Brandon-

(MLM, Gay main character, historical fiction (Vietnam war), about a character dealing with his alcoholic father and family issues who creates a fictional world to cope where he can be out and openly himself. Coming of age. TW for bullying, alcoholism, institutionalized homophobia, familial homophobia, conversion therapy, war mentions)

(this list is a WIP and anyone can add to it! If I need to add TWs or further explanations let me know!)