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smallplaceinthecosmos · 4 years

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No Roman is an Island

If you’ll excuse the title pun, it popped into my head while I was writing and I couldn’t not use it. I’ve been in the fandom for a few months now, but I think this is my first real contribution to it; the fic was inspired by this post by @coconut-cluster, which is funny because it wasn’t technically a Sanders Sides post but far be it from me to pass up some inspiration, especially since I haven’t really written anything since before I got into Sanders Sides, and I was very excited to get involved. It was originally going to be mainly prinxiety but it ended up involving all the core four Sides pretty much equally, and I think I like it better this way, tbh. I wanted to involve Deceit and Remus too, but it didn’t happen naturally and I didn’t want to shoehorn them in.

Summary: Virgil was no stranger to feeling uncomfortable, and in fact he rather considered it his default state, but new things were still new things, and they had taken some getting used to. By now, Virgil thinks he's a fair bit more comfortable with the other Sides than he had been in the past.

That said, whatever is going on with Roman right now is a new kind of weird, and Virgil isn't sure what to think of it.

Pairings: platonic LAMP/CALM (can be romantic if you want, but it’s pretty ambiguous)

Warnings: description of injury, minor character death(possibly? Not sure if it counts but I’ll include it just in case), low self-esteem (and please let me know if I’m missing anything!)

Genre: hurt/comfort

Word Count: 3826

AO3 Link

It hasn't ever been a bad change, learning to live with the Light Sides, Virgil thinks. He's gotten used to a lot of unusual things the Sides did, since they've accepted him (and if he’s entirely honest, to some extent before that). It wasn't anything bad, necessarily, that the Light Sides did; they were just...weird, sometimes.

That wasn't to say Virgil thought he and the other Dark Sides weren't strange in their own ways, of course - obviously, Remus couldn't by any stretch of the imagination be called "normal" compared to the other Sides, and Deceit and Virgil had their own eccentricities - but at least that had been weirdness he was used to.

When Patton had said things, sometimes, that for just a moment made Virgil raise an eyebrow and wonder what was actually going on in his head, or when Roman was feeling particularly dramatic and saw some need to drag Virgil and the others into some fantastical scheme, or when Logan put his signature jam on the most unusual of foods...Virgil was no stranger to feeling uncomfortable, and in fact he rather considered it his default state, but new things were still new things, and they had taken some getting used to. By now, Virgil thinks he's a fair bit more comfortable with the other Sides than he had been in the past.

That said, whatever is going on with Roman right now is a new kind of weird, and Virgil isn't sure what to think of it. He watches over his phone screen from his seat on the couch as Roman dashes in and out of the common room, looking considerably more disheveled than Virgil thinks is normal. Whenever he comes through, he seems distracted - in all the times he's passed through, Virgil's not sure that Roman has noticed him on the couch, and it's been a couple of hours at this point - and more than a little disconcerted, which in turn makes Virgil a lot disconcerted.

The more Virgil watches, the more he feels a need to say something. Say what, though? "Hey, Princey, you look like you were personally threatened by an eldritch horror, what's up?"

But during one fifteen minute period of waiting for Roman to reappear, Virgil sighs quietly and decides he should probably at least make some show of concern, instead of sitting on it and not helping either of them. So when Roman pops back in, before Virgil can lose his nerve, he calls, “Hey, Princey, what’s got your sash in a twist?”

It comes out harsher than Virgil meant for it to, and Roman jumps, clearly caught off guard. This, in turn, catches Virgil off guard, and they stand staring at each other for a long moment before Virgil clears his throat and adds, “I’ve been here all morning and you haven’t even tried to insult me once.”

Roman blinks once, twice at Virgil, and then replies, “Well ex-cuse you, tall, dark, and emo; I’m a very busy prince.” His faux-offended tone and the hint of a grin on his face ease Virgil’s worry somewhat, but Roman adds, “I’m working on something. I’ll talk to you later,” and turns to leave as suddenly as he’d arrived.

“Roman, hold on - “ Virgil begins, but Roman pretends not to hear him as he leaves, and Virgil is left alone again. He figures Roman will probably tell him when he’s ready, anyway, and decides to leave it alone for now.

“For now,” it seems, lasts until lunch, which Roman doesn’t show up for. When Patton expresses his concern, Virgil decides he should probably tell them what he’d noticed - maybe they would have a better idea of what’s going on than he does.

As it turns out, they don’t. “He’s clearly hiding something from us,” Logan says when Virgil explains.

“We don’t know that,” Patton says, but it sounds more like a question than an argument. “Maybe nothing’s going on at all. Maybe it’s something good! Some kind of surprise, or a cool idea to show Thomas.”

“Well, whatever it is, he shouldn’t be running himself ragged doing it,” Virgil tells Patton. “That’s enough reason for me to want to say something. But if he won’t explain himself...”

“We could try to talk to him together,” Patton suggests. “Maybe if he knows we’re all worried about him…?”

“If he wasn’t willing to talk to Virgil by himself, I don’t think he would be more willing to talk with all three of us cornering him,” Logan responds with a shake of his head.

“If he would be willing to talk to any of us, though, it’d be you, Pat,” Virgil adds. “Maybe you can try to talk to him on your own?”

“I can try,” Patton agrees.

Patton doesn’t fare much better, though - it takes him hours to even catch sight of Roman long enough to stop him and try to question him, and from what Patton tells Virgil and Logan, Roman brushed him off just as easily as he’d brushed off Virgil, leaving them with no answers and several more questions.

Patton protests when Logan suggests they take somewhat more drastic measures. “We can’t just go sneaking after him,” he argues with a displeased frown. “Isn’t that kind of a breach of trust? What if he has a reason for not saying anything?”

They’re in Logan’s room this time, because it’s easier to deal with than Virgil’s or Patton’s rooms, but out of the common room where Roman might overhear. Patton had already expressed that he was feeling a bit underhanded, meeting somewhere out of the way just to avoid Roman. Virgil had to admit, he almost felt the same way.

“Pat does have a point, Lo,” Virgil sighs from his typical spot on the stairs. “If we’re wrong, and it isn’t a big deal, or if it is a big deal, and we make things worse…”

“Do you think we’re wrong?” Logan asks. Virgil blinks at him, not having expected the question, and Logan elaborates, “Roman has given us plenty of reason to believe that he’s struggling with something, and he refuses to share what it is with us. What we don’t know is why he’s hiding it - but I’m willing to take a chance on the fact that this is something that needs to be brought to light for Roman’s sake. There’s more harm to be done if we ignore it.”

“So it’s between Roman possibly being mad at us...or Roman possibly getting hurt,” Virgil says. “Sounds dumb to argue if you think about it that way.”

“I guess it’s a little more obvious when you say it like that,” Patton agrees, though he still sounds somewhat resigned on the subject.

They discuss a plan for following Roman for a little while longer before they’re satisfied with it. It’s late by then, and Logan insists they go to bed - not that Virgil sleeps much anyway. The next morning, Roman doesn’t show up to breakfast (which is less strange than not appearing for lunch, and sometimes happens for more benign reasons, though they suspect in this case it isn’t), so they loiter in the common room until Roman shows up again.

He doesn’t acknowledge them if he notices them, but in this case, it works to their advantage - the less noticeable they are, the easier they can follow him. Virgil takes the lead to make sure they keep a safe distance without losing him.

Virgil is somewhat confused as he peeks around a corner and watches Roman slip into the Imagination.

He’s not sure why he finds it strange - Roman is Creativity, or at least one part of it, so he spends plenty of time in the Imagination. This isn’t strange. Perhaps that’s why it seems strange, though, because Roman was acting out of the ordinary, so Virgil was expecting him to be doing something out of the ordinary.

Either way, they go up to the door, and Logan cracks it open to peek inside.

The Imagination can look like almost anything, by virtue of its very nature, but right now it’s an endless stretch of land: a vast meadow to the left, and a dense oak forest to their right. Roman is nowhere in sight.

Logan lets the door swing open, and the three Sides step into the Imagination. The door swings closed behind them on its own and disappears, though any of them can summon it to exit whenever they wish. Roman had probably entered somewhere different than they had, as he’d likely had more idea where he was going than they did. He can’t be far, though, Virgil knows.

“He’s gotta be somewhere around here,” Virgil tells the other two.

Logan nods and says, “At least we can see clearly that he’s not - ” he pauses to gesture out at the tall grasses that stretch out into the distance, “anywhere in that direction. Which means he must be in the forest.”

“It’ll take ages to find him in there,” Virgil grumbles. They head into the forest anyway, and, thankfully, quickly find a clear trodden path to follow instead of having to push through the brush and get stuck with thorns and smacked with low-hanging branches. There’s no sign of Roman, though, until a few minutes later, when Patton suddenly stops and hushes them.

Virgil and Logan stop, surprised, as Patton listens for a moment before he says, “Do you guys hear that?”

He doesn’t wait for a response before taking off in the direction of whatever he’d heard, and Virgil and Logan have no choice but to follow him. As they get closer, though, they hear something that sounds like fighting - and when they catch up to Patton, crouched behind some bushes and peeking between the leaves, they see what caught his attention:

There are dozens of them - small, green-skinned...gremlins, Virgil’s mind supplies, that might be just below waist height to him, wielding rudimentary weapons of clubs and spears and the like. They don’t look like Roman’s usual style, Virgil thinks - they’re nearly identical to each other, and there’s no intelligence in their eyes, only malice. Virgil wonders if Remus thought them up.

At the center of it all is Roman, brandishing his sword almost desperately, slicing through enemies that disappear in a puff of smoke as they “die” (are they even properly alive? Virgil isn’t sure). Is this what he’d been worried about? What’s so special about these things? And most importantly, what’s the need in hiding it?

As one of the small creatures charges Roman,he turns to face it, and another comes at him from the side directly opposite from where the other Sides are watching. As they watch Roman deal with them, leaving a pair of Logan’s eyes widen and he jolts upright from his crouched position at some realization Virgil isn’t privy to.

Logan wastes no time letting them wonder, though, and hisses to the others under his breath, “They’re actually injuring him.”

Upon closer inspection, Virgil realizes that Logan is right - minor cuts and bruises litter Roman’s forearms, and one lucky hit had left a more serious wound along his ribs. Had he been this injured yesterday? How hadn’t Virgil noticed?

More importantly, how was Roman injured at all? Not a lot of things in the mindscape could actually leave a lasting mark on one of the Sides, not even another Side - Remus’s antics were generally unpleasant, but they didn’t typically last. The only things that had ever really hurt any of them had been outside circumstances, reflected in Thomas’s psyche. None of Roman or even Remus’s creations should be able to do this sort of thing.

Most of the gremlin creatures are defeated by now. “Roman?” Patton calls suddenly. He sounds concerned; uncertain as he stands so Roman can see him. Logan and then Virgil quickly follow. Roman whips around with a startled look, and in his momentary distraction his guard slips enough for one of the smaller goblin-like creatures to get in a hit with a long-reaching, fire-hardened wooden spear. “What are you guys doing here?!” Roman growls as he turns his attention back to the remaining monsters. He doesn’t wait for an answer before he shakes his head and says, “Never mind, just...go, I’ll handle this, it’s fine!”

The others definitely do not go, and Virgil lays into Roman, who’s a bit distracted fighting for his life at the time. As the last waist-height goblin is dispatched, he turns around to face the others.

“What do you mean it’s fine?! This doesn’t look like fine, Princey!” Virgil is saying. “What’s going on, why are you acting so...weird?!”

“Virgil is right, Roman,” Logan chimes in. “You know if something is going on you can tell us.”

“Nothing is going on,” Roman insists. “I can handle it. I’ve been handling it, really, it’s okay, you guys can go back to,” Roman makes a vague hand gesture, “whatever you were doing. It’s cool.” “You’ve been handling what?” Virgil asks.

Before Roman can come up with an excuse, something else appears where the gremlins had stood. It doesn’t come from anywhere - it simply materializes from a cloud of smoke like the gremlins had disappeared into, large and singular and intimidating where a horde of goblins had pushed and crowded. Three big canine heads come into existence snapping and snarling on a huge four-legged body. He towers over the Sides, and Logan, Virgil, and Patton stumble back at the sight of the creature.

Roman looks between three slavering maws and three pairs of wide eyes, and then his own eyes meet Virgil’s, and -

“Don’t even fucking think about it - “ Virgil manages to get out before the sudden feeling of falling hits him, and the Imagination falls away around him. When he comes back up, he’s disoriented for a moment before Patton cries out wordlessly and is suddenly pounding on the door to the Imagination...from the outside. Roman kicked them out of the Imagination.

“Shit,” Virgil mutters before trying the handle.

It’s locked, of course, so Virgil alternates between joining Patton in banging on the door and trying the handle again. Logan watches with equal concern, but doesn’t join them - they all know it’s probably useless anyway, but it makes Virgil feel like he’s at least trying, so he doesn’t stop. This goes on for several minutes before, all of a sudden, the door opens on its own. Patton rushes in immediately.

Virgil and Logan don’t waste any time following him.

Roman wakes up with a nasty headache.

And an everything else-ache, for that matter.

He lets out a little pained noise and hears someone shifting nearby. When he manages to crack his eyelids open, Logan is standing over him with an unreadable expression.

Roman realizes he’s in the common room, laid out on the couch propped up with pillows and a blanket tucked under him.

“What - ” Roman begins, and realizes even talking hurts right now.

But it’s fine because Logan already knows what he was going to ask, and tells him, “You tried to fight a ten foot tall, three-headed hellbeast on your own. While already injured,” he stresses.

“Sorry,” Roman mutters, and neither he nor Logan is sure exactly what he’s apologizing for.

“Do you...need some water, or anything?” Logan asks awkwardly.

Roman opens his mouth to respond before thinking better of it and just nodding instead.

While Logan is in the kitchen, there’s nothing to distract Roman from how much everything hurts. He thinks, bitterly, if the others just weren’t so nosy -

But that’s not fair to them, Roman knows. He should have been more careful and then they wouldn’t have found out in the first place, and then they wouldn’t have been there at all.God, Patton and Virgil were probably worried sick.

Then Logan is back with his water, and helps Roman sit up to drink it as Roman takes stock of the bandages on his own extremities, feels the aching wounds on his torso, reaches up to gingerly touch the gauze wrapped around his head...the gravity of the situation sinks in a little further.

When Roman sinks back into the couch, still wrapped in the blanket but opting not to lay back down, Logan detaches himself from Roman and stands as he says, “I’m going to tell Patton and Virgil that you’re awake.” Logan’s brow furrows into a faintly concerned expression as he adds, “They were worried about you.” Maybe it’s Roman’s imagination, but Logan sounds a little softer than he did before, as Roman avoids his eyes. It still feels like an accusation, even though Roman knows Logan didn’t mean it that way.

He doesn’t hear the unspoken “So was I” in Logan’s tone.

Roman is only left alone for a few moments before all three of the others rejoin him, Patton bounding into the room with a relieved exclamation of “Roman!”

Even as Roman flinches at his volume, he sees tears brimming Patton’s eyes and feels the guilt worm its way into the marrow of his bones.

Virgil sees Roman wince and taps Patton on the shoulder to get his attention, putting a finger to his lips wordlessly. Patton looks from Virgil back to Roman, and says in a more mollified tone, “Sorry, kiddo.” He sits next to Roman on the couch, taking Roman’s unbandaged left hand in his own and rubbing his thumb in circles over the back of Roman’s hand. Virgil sits on Roman’s other side, slightly further away than Patton, not touching Roman. Logan joins them on Virgil’s right.

“Sorry I worried you guys,” Roman says hoarsely.

“Damn right you are,” Virgil growls. “You could’ve died! What would’ve happened if we hadn’t noticed that something was wrong? What if something worse had shown up? What if you hadn’t beaten it?” Virgil runs an unsteady hand through his hair, and Roman avoids looking at the other Side’s stricken expression.

“But I did beat it. It’s fine, Virgil,” Roman tries to reassure him. It’s a testament to how not fine it is, though, that Roman can’t even come up with a good nickname to ease the tension, and in the moment of silence that follows, Roman chooses instead to focus on how his ribs ache.

“Stop saying that,” Virgil hisses, smacking his hands on his knees in frustration.

"If I may,” Logan interrupts, placing a hand on Virgil’s arm for a moment, as though it were a way to ask permission. “Roman, what were those things that attacked you? What makes you think you have to deal with them alone?”

Roman hesitates for a moment before he answers. “Back when Thomas was a kid, whenever he was...dealing with something, it was my job to keep his spirits up. Through my art, yes; that was a lot of what I did. But sometimes those issues manifested a little more physically. Or as physical as things in the mindscape can be anyway - ”

“Like those little gremlin things?” Patton interrupts, and Roman nods. “I think they’re like...the way Thomas processes emotional, uh, distress or something?” Roman continues. “They always show up after something happens that make Thomas upset. Like a bad grade on a test in high school would be an evil sorcerer, or...or feeling bad about doing something wrong would be a bloodthirsty dire wolf, or - ” Roman cuts off, evidently deciding against saying whatever he’d been about to say. “...Yeah. They’re different monsters depending on whatever thing Thomas is dealing with. And I help him deal with them.”

“So you’ve been doing this for all those years by yourself?” Virgil asks, voice still sounding somewhat strained.

“I’m Creativity, I’m the one who’s supposed to be able to get rid of that stuff,” Roman replies lamely.

Virgil scoffs. “And look how well that’s working out for you.”

“I can handle it!” Roman insists, but as he sits up straight to make his point, a shock of pain runs through his side and he inhales sharply, leaning back against the couch gingerly, feeling as though that’s less true than it’s ever been.

“But you shouldn’t have to,” Patton insists, and he’s still holding Roman’s good hand, squeezing it reassuringly. “Not by yourself. We want to help you, Roman, all you have to do is let us.”

“It doesn’t need to be your problem,” Roman mumbles, and he doesn’t know if the others hear him, but clearly they get the gist, because Logan speaks up next.

“Roman, we’re not here out of obligation,” he begins, catching Roman’s eye as he leans forward to look at the other Side properly. “As I said before, if you have a problem, you can come to us with it. If things get to be too much, there’s no shame in asking for help. Stepping back and reevaluating the situation can be more helpful in the long run than rushing in to deal with things head on - and the worst thing you can do is push away the people who care about you.”

After taking a moment to process Logan’s words, Roman tears his gaze away from Logan’s and laughs dryly. There are a few long moments of silence, and then Patton says, "Can you just...promise me you won't get in trouble like that again without saying something? I don't - we don't want you to get hurt."

Patton's looking up at Roman, and he looks so earnest, Roman knows he's not escaping without giving a real answer.

"Okay," Roman replies. "Okay, I can do that, Padre." He leans into the other's side, and the smile he gets in response alleviates some of the pressure Roman feels weighing on him. He manages a small smile back.

"Hey, we mean it, Princey, if you get so much as a scratch and we don't find out about it you're never hearing the end of it," Virgil threatens, but there's more fondness in his voice than there had been.

“But for now…” Patton releases Roman’s hand, and Roman is disappointed for a moment before Patton claps his hands together and says, smiling, “Since we’re all out here, why don’t we have a movie night?”

The other three agree without any cajoling, and Roman is more enthusiastic than is probably strictly necessary, but that’s not unusual normally, and particularly not when Roman feels has so much to make up to them.

Patton gets up to pick out a movie, and asks, “How do you feel about Mary Poppins, Roman?”

“I think that Julie Andrews is a goddess and that sounds,” Roman pauses dramatically, “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!”

Logan goes to get snacks, and in the meantime Roman badgers Virgil into being his pillow. When Logan returns to see Roman sprawled dramatically across Virgil and Patton’s laps, he raises an eyebrow, but says nothing.

And if a few minutes into the movie, Roman falls asleep with his face buried in Virgil’s hoodie, snoring gently...well, Virgil doesn’t say anything about that, either.

#ts sides #thomas sanders #sanders sides #ts roman #roman sanders #ts virgil #virgil sanders #ts logan #logan sanders #ts patton #patton sanders #hurt/comfort

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kezibun · 4 years

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Random SF headcanons

So I've had the SF bros on my mind recently. Tbh they probably are my most thought out characters, with them kind of being a mixture of many different versions of them with my own twists, they might just be my favourite pair of brothers. I mean I love Red and Edge but Black and Rus' sibling dynamic Is just awesome.

When in the underground they were the Malevolent Sans and his loyal but deadly Mutt, no one dared to cross them, yet at home they were just two loving brothers.

I headcanon that they managed to pull off the boss and underling facade without affecting their sibling relationship as much as the UF bros did. Mostly because one Black is the older brother who looked after Rus all those years so he had a good measure of his respect already and two Rus was already the quiet (shy) mysterious type who's always looked to his older brother for protection and orders, and Black has always given him exactly that. It just worked for them and all it took was a little extra training to make Rus the ultimate weapon, he was already strong and more than willing to execute every single order barked at him. So as soon as Black figured out a plan to get into the Royal guard and for Rus to play his part as his minion it was set in motion.

Rus was more then willing to do a lot of the dirty work and have his big bro take all the glory (he's never been much for fanfare and attention) tho it wasn't long before people recognised Rus as Black's loyal minion and began calling him Sans' Mutt, no one dared to even look at the brothers in the wrong way, they were the dream team. Rus didn't mind his new title but Black? He hated people calling his brother Mutt, despite seeing the need to use this new nickname, he felt it down graded and insulted his brother but that's why it was so perfect, this is what was needed to protect his little brother… Soon after came the need for Rus to call Black M'lord. Yet again Rus didn't mind, Black felt a little iffy about it but not half as much as calling his brother Mutt… even tho it was part of the plan to make everyone see Rus as his lower minion and as if he was nothing compared to himself he still loved his brother and didn't like the feeling of degrading him and he could see the toll it was starting to take on his brothers already rather low self esteem and confidence.

The only strain this put on their relationship (other then the fact they were so busy they didn't get much time alone to just chat...) is something that Black felt and still feels a little guilty about, it's the fact that when he escaped with his brother he had the responsibility of raising a child thrust upon him, (despite still being one himself)… but instead he trained up a weapon under the facade it would help keep them both safe (and it did), but he feels that maybe he could of just protected them both and let his sweet, innocent, shy brother stay exactly that, an untainted sweet, innocent boy… instead of the LV tainted, highly deadly, very loyal Mutt he trained him to be. Deep in Black's soul he wonders whether he really had to train Rus the way he did to protect both of them or if it was actually just a way to further his own interests, help him get into the royal guard and climb to the top. He feels like he could have done better… as if he failed his brother. . .

Well…. After all the deep thinking I started wondering about food as you do. I know Rus' favourite food and snack are those sweet potato cinnamon cookies and he likes to drink BBQ sauce, cinnamon tea and chai latte (Rus loves cinnamon and other spices), and of course Black likes burritos but does he have a favourite snack… I couldn't really think of a snack food that Black would love, he likes cake but not that much, all I could really think about was what drinks he likes, you probably noticed that he is a proper coffee snob, he just loves his coffee and it must reach all his standards, but I also thought about whether or not he likes wine? And I came to the conclusion he likes red wine but I think he might actually prefer it mulled (hot with spices for those who don't know) then of course I had to figure out how he found out about mulling wine… and I came up with a little scene…

I've gotta give you a little background for this scenario, why? Is it necessary? No not really but I wanna ok!? Plus gives a little more weight to it...

Well you see here Black is about 21 so Rus is 17. Black is head of the guards and anything the Queen can give him to do, he is basically second to the Queen in status and has been for almost a year now. It's a pretty tough time for the boys though, a certain little kid has been visiting and messing with time, this is about the 5th or 7th time? But who's counting? Not Black who remembers everything or Rus who has been getting Nightmares about past timelines.

The last three routes took a serious toll on Black, before this it had all been normal pacifist routes but they had their first (and only) true pacifist route, they got a taste of the surface world but when Chara got bored they reset the universe again, they were all ripped away from the perfect surface life... then Chara decided to go and do the first of many genocide routes… and the last route was back to normal pacifist that left most happy... but not Black… remember the fact that Black was the second to the Queen? Well no one really knew what Black was to Toriel, a loyal servant? A friend? Was he like a son to her? Or was it more romantic? There were theories but No one knew... Not even Black did, all he knew was he rather liked the attention she and everyone was giving him. But what happened in this route? Well Chara had played matchmaker and brought Toriel and Asgore back together which left Black rather forgotten and cast aside, while most celebrated so he felt even more left out, alone, like nothing, a nobody, … until the next reset that put everything to normal and him back in the centre of attention but with the feeling it didn't mean anything, it left him a little empty, hollow especially after the hard times he just lived through and all the struggles, that attention felt like one of the few things he could look forward to, that he could enjoy but now it felt fake, just not real.

Basically Black had been dealt three rather big blows in a row so he was a little fed up… and Chara should be arriving in a day or two as usual after a reset, to do whatever the hell they wanted and Black was feeling more then a little helpless with how out of his control it always was…

OK that got deep again… um… now lets get into the scene.

"M'lord?" Rus asks as he sits on the kitchen counter.

Black looks away from his new cookbook to turn to him. "Papyrus, please don't call me that when we're alone…"

"Sorry bro… habit I guess. We don't see each other at home as often as we used to… speaking of... You're home really early. What is it about 7? You're usually at work for at least another 3 to 5 hours? What's up?"

"Yes, well her majesty sent me home early for looking unwell…"

"You ok tho?"

Black nods before stirring the pot in front of him. "Just tried, don't worry about it brother."

"Ok… well um... what ya cooking? smells good."

"I'm trying a recipe from this new cookbook to help wind down, it's called mulled wine." He then tastes it and puts a few more spices in.

"Did you just put cinnamon in? Can I try some when you're done?" Rus chimes.

"I guess you can have a little. And maybe we can chat for a bit with it? it's been a while hasn't it. You can tell me about your day, and put in your order for the shopping this week. Maybe we could schedule a music session? Or you can talk about anything and everything."

"Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks bro."

#yeah ok.. I had a shower...#got me thinking #rus #black #sf!papyrus #sf!sans #swapfell papyrus #swapfell sans #swapfell #headcanons #kezi's headcanons

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nitholites · 4 years

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(this is just me ranting about a lack of an au, ignore if ya wanna)

Where are the Miraculous Ladybug/ Persona 5 fics??

Do people just... Not find inspiration from this crossover? Think there's nothing to do? Have no thoughts on the possibilities?

I, generally, am a petty person. I like seeing karma take the reigns, and I like seeing horrible people get what they deserve (probably why I like persona 5 so much, tbh). And if I had half as much creative genius as the writers on this site, I'd do it myself.

But just imagine...

The Thieves reign for, like, two years

Bcause cops can't catch em, Shido ain't gonna get promoted for a while (or decides to lay low a bit for whatever reason), and Akechi hasn't made the connection yet.

Or, after their first 2 Paris Palaces, they go on like in Canon with Parisian teammates, and the Palace they do before Sae's is Hawkmoth, with Akechi joining them because "this can't take long- Hawkmoth needs to be brought down ASAP and we should be strong enough now"

Poor Akechi's like "????? THE PARIS TERRORIST???? HOW THE HELL-"

"Later, Akechi, but your Almighty attacks are gonna help a lot while we figure out the Shadow's weaknesses"

Then it's Sae's Palace and things go as in canon

Anyway, the Thieves meet The Class on the Hawaii trip

Sees how this sweet, kind, compassionate girl's treated by people around her

They're furious

It brings up horrible memories of their own pasts and beginnings

So they form/join the Mari Protection Squad (MPS for short)

And it's ridiculous how fast the group bonds, and how fast The Class realizes not to mess with Mari with the Thieves (and Shujin kids in general) around

The other high schoolers join cuz with the crap from Kamoshida, they've all grown a backbone

Plus the Thieves are on their side here (now all they gotta do is send a request on the Phan-site... Maybe the Thieves can do something about the Parisian)

(Tikki feels the Thieves' power- and is wary. She'd never felt something like this before- humans wielding the power of their other selves so efficiently)

And Lila, feeling the spotlight slip, makes one grave error...

Showing her true colors to the leader of the Phantom Thieves

But the Thieves know going international isn't something they wanna do- it'll cause a ton of trouble

But when Mari video calls one night and shows the Nav- they realize

Either they take action, or Mari's gonna be sucked into the Metaverse randomly (like Kasumi)

Better take her with them and explain in a controlled setting than get her killed in someone's heart

And, surprise surprise, Lila has a Palace

Like, the distortion is on par with Shido's (which the Thieves will encounter eventually)

Any place she'd been before was part of her cognitive empire

When'd she visit Japan???

And Futaba digs up some major dirt on Lila

Driving victims (who's situations eerily match Mari's) to suicide, forcing victims from the county on major charges, assault, thievery, arson- you name it she's either done it or made everyone believe her victim did

Why hadn't anyone pulled the truth from her yet? The short answer- Yaldaboath

The oversized cup finds her acts entertaining

So they gotta take her treasure now

And Mari, newly realizing she deserves better and beginning to increase her self-esteem, awakens to a Persona

(I dunno who, but having a character have Filibus as a Persona sounds kinda cool)

So she joins the Thieves in Mementos to train and get stronger

And once the Thieves take Rossi's heart, their popularity skyrockets, so they go deeper and deeper into Mementos

Because now, it's like, "Oh shite, these Japanese urban legends targeted a minor are they working with Hawkmoth??"

Cuz when Lila confesses, you bet your sweet bippy there's gonna be a Hero's Day pt 2

And the Thieves come with help from Kaalki because Chat hasn't been a partner in years and Ladybug alone with Kobra can't take them on

Morgana tails Catalyst (Akumatized Natalie) to the Agreste Manor and finds out Hawkmoth's identity

But Adrien catches him

So we get Spy!Morgana, stuck with the Agrestes until the change of heart at the latest

And Mona slips into Gabriel's Palace to scope it out and

Holy hecc, those are tough Shadows (think like in Maruki's Palace) and why is this woman everywhere???

It's a Roman temple, with statues of the same woman everywhere

Like why

And the puzzles are so confusing he can't explore the whole thing

And he eventually makes it back to the Thieves- specifically Mari who freaks when he randomly shows up

Cuz everyone's been looking high and low

And the news he brings isn't happy at all

So their next target can't be Hawkmoth, but they set it as their goal (their second-to-last heist)

In the meantime, Caline Bustier's Palace needs raiding

This woman Shouldn't Be In Charge™, Period.

Her Palace is at the school, and it looks like her definition of 'paradise'- a garden maze

Her childhood friends, co-workers, students- everyone's chilling and getting along

At least while her Shadow is watching

Wherever she isn't, the cognitive beings are at war

It's bright with rainbows and glitter, and it's nauseously obvious Bustier chooses to ignore the world around her to keep the illusion alive

The kicker is, when the Thieves first enter, they see a giant 'painting', constantly shifting and moving to match what happens in the Palace

It's sickening- her poor students

Her Shadow doesn't put up a fight, instead expressing how 'dissappointed' she is in them, how the Thieves need to 'set an example', how they're 'disrupting everyone with this silly rebellion'

They waste no time in taking her Treasure

Adrien's Palace is Agreste Manor as a prison decorated as a mansion

A maze where Shadow Adrien constantly attempts escape, so there's thousands of secret passegeways, rooms, and supplies

The windows, when looked through, show what he thinks the world is like- no war, starvation, illness, sadness.

But, when broken, they show the truth in a million fragments, only to be repaired the next time Adrien's Shadow passes by them

It's a good way to keep tabs on the Shadow

A black blur, who talks and interacts with the world at a minimum, joins the Thieves, explaining what some of the more hidden images mean

At this point, the Thieves know who Ladybug and Chat Noir are, and they're doing all they can to help

Then Okumera happens and Haru joins the group

It's bittersweet, but Haru's more than determined enough to continue being a Thief

Things go on in canon until the time the Thieves would have been in Sae's Palace

She's still a target, but they have a much more pressing deadline

Hawkmoth's been upping the stakes, the difficulty, and the number of Akuma. Paris is in real danger, and they need to stop him

Plus, it'd be hard to pin it all on him without a confession, because Gabriel is an international business

(possible Akechi redemption, as he changes sides after spending longer with the Thieves and seeing the good they can do first-hand)

Might make more later, depending on how this does

#marinette dupain cheng #persona 5 #akira kusuru #ryuji sakamoto #mlb

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idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf · 5 years

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“Even The Power Of The Moonstone Is Not Completely Yours”

That’s what the Blue Girl said to Cassie in Beginnings. Before that Cassie was very guilty and very hesitant. This speaks a lot to Cassie’s motives, though, doesn’t it? I mean, I've seen a lot of people talking about how Cassie seems to only have this vague motivation of “ah yes powerrrr” and how it seems so typical Disney villain. I’ve even seen people say it takes away her character. But the thing is that Cassie isn’t after power. In fact, i’d say her actual motive is to discover herself and her own path in life. Independence, success, things that aren’t bad themselves. The thing about this line that gets to her isn’t “The power of the Moonstone” because she wants power, it’s the fact that it’s “Even it’s not completely yours (hers)”. I mean, she grabbed the Moonstone because she wanted something that was her own. A path to follow, a destiny for herself, something that shows her she’s meant to be someone. Something she didn’t have to share. It wasn’t about the power held in the Moonstone. A need for power isn’t what sent her over the edge in that moment. It was her desire to have something, absolutely anything that’s just hers.

I mean think about her life. She was abandoned by her mother. Her dad loves her very much but it’s been made very clear he wasn’t always the best at parenting. For Cassie’s entire childhood she never really had the attention a kid needs and deserves to grow up healthy. Then she was a servant class worker. That’s the lowest of the low. She was literally meant to wait on and serve other’s. She was a handmaiden for gods sake. Servitude isn’t easy, even when the person you’re serving is someone kind like Rapunzel. I mean, god, the kind of self esteem you end up with being placed at the lowest point in a social hierarchy like that- which is absolutely where she was put. When you’re literally a servant you don’t matter. Your opinions, your beliefs, your values, your dreams. It’s all supposed to be set aside, it’s all supposed to come second. Servitude in general is fucked up tbh, especially for someone like Cassie. Because Cassie was NOT servant class for lack of spirit or work. She tried and tried and tried to rise above her station. And whenever a chance for her would arise, she’d be expected to put someone else first every single time. Want to join a warrior army? Sorry, Rapunzel’s sad you don’t wanna be her servant before and that your dreams matter more than having fun, therefore you gotta give up on them. Want to be a guard? Sure, only when you’re done with your impossibly long list of servant duties because those matter more, and of course you’ll look like a jerk for it because you aren’t picking Varian and entertaining his crush on you over your literal dream opportunity to get out of the servant class. You finally got your chance to show everyone you’re good enough to be a guard? Sorry, the princess has this magical destiny and you gotta go play a supporting role in that, bye. Even her attempts to help Rapunzel as a friend and advisor were shoved aside time and time again. I’ve seen people criticize Cassie in The Great Tree for getting so touchy about Rapunzel ignoring her advice, especially how she was wrong about Adira anyway, but completely forget that this isn’t the only time. This is the breaking point for Cassie. She gives advice that Rapunzel ignores in multiple episodes. For example, in Freebird, she suggests they don’t trust the random creepy strangers, but Rapunzel ignores her and they end up almost trapped as birds forever. In Goodbye And Goodwill, Cassie knows how to make the townspeople happy but Rapunzel ignores her and everyone has a miserable time at her events and actually like Cassie’s ideas, which Rapunzel ignored. I could go on and on and on tbh about all the times Cassie was right about something but blatantly ignored by Rapunzel. Many of these instances are accompanied by Eugene or someone telling Rapunzel it’s her choice, as if Cassie’s points don’t matter whatsoever. And I mean, honestly, Cassie’s whole job on the mission was to protect Raps, and it was made pretty clear that’s not needed. It’s also made clear that Cassie’s not her equal on the journey either, though. So if her role isn’t as Rapunzel’s warrior/soldier, and her role isn’t as Rapunzel’s friend/advisor, then what is it? Her lady in waiting. Her handmaid. Her servant. Take your pick of vocabulary. That’s how she was kinda treated, weather purposefully or not. I mean, in The Great Tree she’s reminded of that. “I’m not a servant” she told Adira, who replied “Oh! I thought that’s what a Lady in waiting was?” and throughout the episode that’s how she’s treated. Throughout the series that’s how she’s treated. She’s a friend, sure, but in the end she’s a lower ranking one to the people who’s opinions actually matter. The people who aren’t servant class citizens.

Basically, Cassie, of course, feels hurt. She didn’t matter much to make her family show the affection she needed growing up. Her dreams and hopes and ambitions didn’t matter enough to get her out of the servant class. Her (often correct) opinions and concerns are absolutely never enough for Rapunzel or the rest of the group to listen to or even consider.

Cassie never mattered tbh. At least she was never allowed to feel like she did. She was never allowed to feel important or valued or even like she was on equal footing with...literally anyone. That’s what happens when your mother treats you like a servant, your adult life is spend working your ass off for your dreams and still being a handmaiden and nothing more, and when you are your best friend in the world’s lady in waiting. Cassie tried to ignore it but as she said in her song, Crossing The Line, it was a gap that Rapunzel could never let her quite forget.

Maybe in a way Cassandra wants power, but it’s not the kind some people are assuming she wants. Cassie wants power over herself, over her life, over her destiny. She tried so fucking hard for so fucking long and she thought that maybe if she just grabbed the magic stone her purpose would become clear because she has to have some purpose beyond being someone's servant, right?!? And when it didn’t do that she started to doubt herself and what she’d done.

Cassie never had a thing for herself because her entire life has been servitude. Her doubts went away when the blue ghost girl told her that the one thing she’d gone and taken for herself wasn’t actually hers. Part of it belonged to Rapunzel. Part of Cassie’s only possession belonged to the person she’d been serving. It was a painful reminder of that role, the servant class, the thing she was trying to hard to break away from. It was like she could never NEVER escape it and never own a single thing that didn’t belong to someone else first, because she as a person always belonged to someone else first. And that’s how the ghost girl got Cassie to go along with her plan. She reminded Cassie that what’s hers isn’t hers but that it’s okay because that can change. And of course after years and years of hoping and trying and working so fucking hard and taking every chance she possibly could, Cassie went with it. At this point she’s cast aside her dreams, her hopes, her ambitions, every single thing she’s ever worked for just so she can own one thing, hold onto one thing for herself because she knew that nothing was ever going to change and that all she could do was fight to keep one thing for herself. I mean, god, I remember seeing screenshots where Cassie asked “What if I don’t even have a destiny?” and that’s terrifying to see how she’s thinking. I mean, god, she had so many ambitions and hopes and she worked so fucking hard for such a long time but she’s been worn and broken down so much by her subservient role that she’s left asking if she even has a destiny at all. She doesn't have control of her ambitions, those depend entirely on weather someone else is willing to give her a chance, and they aren’t. She doesn’t own herself, she’s a servant, she belongs to Rapunzel. She doesn’t own a single thing because even the Moonstone’s power, something she desperately grabbed for herself because she needed something, anything that’s hers, isn’t fully her own either. That is terrifying. And of course as horrifying as it is for me to even fucking thing about, of course Cassie felt a billion times worse. Imagine that helpless, broken, terrifying feeling for one second. Combine that with the sheer trauma of her uncovered childhood memories which she obviously hasn’t recovered from even now. Cassie was given one chance to make a choice and do something for herself. Breaking free completely from the path of good, choosing to oppose Rapunzel, she feels like those things are her choices. She shows clear guilt and remorse at times but for the love of god can you imagine being so desperate that you ignore your conscious and everything you’ve ever stood for just for the smallest dose of some sort of glimmer of control and agency over your life?

I mean, let’s analyze all three of her songs.

Waiting In The Wings (and reprise):

“I was meant for glory, but that’s never what my story brings, and yet I keep on waiting”

“When you have the passion and the drive, you expect your moment center stage to arrive”

“I show up with heart blazing, ready to achieve amazing things, but i’m left waiting in the wings”

“I hear my cue and yet i’m kept there waiting, know what to do, but yet I stand there waiting. It’s always someone else who sings, while i’m left waiting in the wings”

“Always overlooked unfairly, while pretending that it barely stings, but it stings, yes it stings”

“I’ll shed no tears, i’ll only keep on waiting. If noone cheers, well I can keep on waiting. Who cares how loud the silence rings?!? You’ll find me waiting in the wings”

I mean, god, this song just speaks to the strength of Cassie. This has been it. This has been her ENTIRE life. Every. Single. Minute. And yet her passion, her drive, her ambition and hope, her blind faith that if she just keeps working and keeps working and follows her dreams one day she’ll have her big moment because that’s what hero’s get. That’s what’s supposed to happen when you keep pushing through. That is the hero’s journey. Cassandra is what happens when a hero doesn’t get their journey. And yet here she’s still standing resolute. You can feel her pain, you can tell she’s never felt anything but this. She’s so resolute, she’s always pushing through, Cassandra is brilliant, but there’s only so much rejection a person can face and so much faith a person can muster. She is a warrior stuck playing servant and that’s so incredibly frustrating but she doesn’t break until the reprise and I commend her for making it that far, honestly.

“Guess by now I ought to know my place. Do you humble duty with a smile on your face!”

“I crave so much, and yet I kept on waiting. One glance, one touch, and I just kept on waiting. And when it came, it came with strings. So I kept waiting in the wings.”

Here Cass has to watch herself at FOUR YEARS OLD. Cleaning up like a handmaiden, waiting for someone to give her validation and for her moment to come. Here’s her, EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO. Doing the same thing as now. Being someone’s servant. Waiting for her moment. This is when Cassie realizes that she cannot keep waiting. That she’ll wish her whole life away if she doesn’t make some sort of move. Twenty two years wasted, what’s double that? Tipple? A whole lifetime? And of course seeing the thing she was waiting for back then- her mother’s love- be snatched away from her when her mother abandoned her completely? That broke her because she saw her own strategy fail. Her patience and persistence and faith thrown in her face. Her traumas and LITERAL REPRESSED MEMORIES torn back up into the front of her mind and it fucking hurt. I think this is when Cassie really realized that she had n o t h I n g. How low she really already was and that she wasn’t going to rise beyond it anytime soon. That’s what pushed her to take the moonstone, because it was literally the only thing she could ever do to get out of the path she was on, and right vs wrong doesn’t matter in the slightest during that kind of primal, desperate moment where every single scar and wound on her with open and raw and left festering and infecting for literal days.

Crossing The Line:

“This has to stop now! This thing where you think that you’ve been my friend and don’t even hear how you condescend the way you’ve always done!”

“There’s a line between the winners and the losers. There’s a line between the chosen and the rest. And I've done the best I could, but I've always known just where we stood. Me here with the luckless. You there with the blessed.”

“And the line between the beggers and the choosers, is a line you never let me quite ignore. How I've tried to cross that great divide, but I've never had the chances you were given. You don’t know how much I've been denied.”

“Well i’m not being patient anymore! I’m crossing the line! And i’m done holding back, so look out, clear the track, it’s my turn!”

“I’m taking what’s mine! Every drop, every smidge!”

“If i’m burning a bridge, let it burn! But i’m crossing the line! And for us if we’re over that’s fine!”

Now I've seen some criticisms with Cassie for calling Raps privileged and saying she’s got some sort of advantage over Cass. And I get it. Rapunzel was abused. She was locked away from the world for eighteen years. She’s got trauma. But Cassie isn’t talking about some contest of trauma and who’s had it worse. She’s talking about Rapunzel’s class and Rapunzel’s destiny. I mean, honestly, Raps is a princess and Cassie her lady in waiting. You’d have to be blind not to see the difference there. And not only that, but Rapunzel had this whole magical destiny thing going on to where a bunch of glowing stones literally lead her where she was supposed to go and she’s guaranteed the crown once her parents pass. Cass had to work and work and work to carve her own destiny and she could never get anything out of life other than literal servant even with all the working and hoping and waiting she did. Cassie did everything right, anything you could ever ask of someone, but she was just...dealt the worse hand in life, honestly. The reason she’s upset at Rapunzel about this isn’t out of jealousy, though. Raps never meant to, but she directly oppressed Cassie herself. I mean, Cass is her lady in waiting, her handmaiden, her servant. And Rapunzel treated her how any royal would treat their servant. Like she was in charge and her opinions mattered more. I’m not saying she didn’t try her best. But like Cassie said in her song, she was never quite allowed to ignore where they stood. What her class was and what Rapunzel’s class is. Lines where she’s talking about “taking what’s mine (hers), every drop, every smidge” and “It’s my (her) turn!” may feel selfish, but that’s not necessarily bad. Cassie’s whole entire life has been sacrifice after sacrifice, completely full of waiting and giving in to the will of other’s. Again, I gotta reiterate, she is literally a servant. Cassandra SHOULD be a little more selfish. What she’s did was wrong, but in her terrified, helpless, traumatized, broken mind, she realized that she was a victim of oppression- which she is- and so she reached out and grabbed the first thing she could take and she held onto it with everything in her because she just wanted SOMETHING in this world. And in her mind, Rapunzel trying to take that from her was just another example of her being treated like a servant, because that’s what she is. Cassie isn’t right to do what she did, but she’s not thinking clearly, and it’s because she’s finally realizing just what she’s really been through and realizing her persistence isn’t working, she’s letting her defense down because she realized it’s not going to work, and everything she’s tried to shove down is hitting her at full force and clouding her mind completely.

Nothing Left To Lose:

“The path i’m on is a path paved in black, i’m taking that road, and i’m not looking back!”

“Yes, it’s true, my path is dark, but I see where it ends!”

“Despise me, that’s fine, i’m taking what’s mine, even so! Not like you! You lost your nerve, you lost the game! But you and I, we’re not the same!”

“I’m not lost! This fate was mine to choose! So I chose to lose my doubt and lose my chains! Lose each weakness that remains!”

“I only want my rightful dues!”

“I lose no tears and lose no sleep! What I want I take and keep! “

Now this song was the hardest to figure out. It’s like Cassie both realizes what she’s doing is wrong and thinks its worth it, but it still doesn’t feel like she’s coming from a place of full hatred or spite. Imma use her own line from all the way back in season one to describe her. She didn’t make the right choice, she made the only choice. She could have passively went along with Rapunzel’s destiny. She could give up at any time and submit and go back to her life. But how can she? Would she go back to waiting? Go back to serving? Back to pain? Back to trauma? Back to a life where she doesn't even have the opportunity to choose anything else for herself? “My path is dark but I see where it ends”, she knows she’s the bad guy but she’s so terrified, so broken, so desperate to escape the hole she was trapped in that she’s willing to be the bad guy if she can have anything else. “I’m not lost, this faith was mine to choose” is another line that backs that up. And then there’s her line “Lose my chains”. God that says a lot. I’ve been making a lot of claims about how she feels about her position in life, and this backs it all up. She’s in chains, emotionally speaking, socially speaking, she’s a servant. Cassie’s life is captivity. Cassie has no choice, really, but to wait and hope. She had one chance to break the chains, to break free, to be a person, even if a bad one, and she went for it. Of fucking course she went for it. Cassandra is doing the wrong thing but of course she is! Doing the right thing would sink her farther into her hole of oppression and trauma and I don’t know if she’d even be able to handle that, honestly. Whatever happens, I don’t think she’ll be willing to go back to being a servant. Either she gets her chance as a hero or she follows her road as a villain, but playing support isn’t an option she’ll choose because she’s been down that road before and she’ll lose everything if she goes back to it.

#cassandra #tangled the series #tangled #tangled cassandra

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pothoswitch · 5 years

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Can I just have a moment on here talking about something else than plants-

I’ve always had a hard time finding friends, my whole life. I guess I’m hard to get to know. I’m not very extrovert in groups of people, and I don’t feel the need to impress people so I don’t break my back trying to make an impression on people. Having a resting bitch face doesn’t help either. Low self esteem (caused by heartbreak and prior events) also always made me feel like ??? Who does even want to get to know me ??? But, I know I’m a good friend. I’m the most loyal person I know, and I’m generous and caring. Still, I don’t think I’m good enough for people.

Before I quit my job (bcs of my shitty mental health) I met a new girl who just picked up some extra shifts now and then. I think we worked together for about 3 months, not very close (I was in the manager group and she is an extra), but we worked some night shifts together. On my last day I told her I’d text her and she jokingly said “yeah that’s what all people who quits says” and I said to her “wow you really don’t know me, I’d never said that to anyone if I don’t mean it” (bcs I’m 25 now and finally stopped pleasing people against my own will, 🤗). Also I’d just like to add that I was in such a bad place during this time, I truly wasn’t *myself* and if you’ve ever been depressed you know how it feels like being distant from yourself.

Ok, so months passed and I’ve been struggling with my mental health. I don’t even have the energy to hang out with my close friends very often, so making new friends seemed far away. I dislike social media in general and I don’t even have an ig acc, but I thought hey I’d add her on Facebook if I she her there. I don’t. A half year goes by. I’m ashamed bcs I haven’t contacted her, also sad because I honestly liked her and I’m mad at my mental health for making me this way. Eventually we end up at the same party, tbh I went there because I thought she might be there. And she is SO happy to see me. She grabs my phone and goes like: “HERE is my number girl, ive been looking all over Instagram for you but we gotta do this the old school way”. We only talk to each other for the rest of the night and it felt like we’ve known each other for so long. I work at this fucking place for five years, (and yeah I have a few other close friends from work but out of 1000(?) colleagues I don’t like that many lmao) meet her during my last months, and this person sees me in my worst state ever, and STILL wants to be my friend.

When you get older, you expect people to have their group of friends already. And yes, some people do, but what I wanna say is... don’t ever give up. If you’re lonely or just want to get new friends. Because it’s never too late to get that special connection with someone. Even if you’re like me, who enjoys a small circle and think you’ve had your share of friends during this lifetime... new friends will always find you.

#personal

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haleths · 4 years

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BIG thank you to @going-there-and-back-again for tagging me in this!! I’m so sorry for the delay, it’s been a busy week ♡ ♡ ♡

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? I used to write in black pen religiously but now I’ll happily use either

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? Somewhere in between?? I adore the countryside and would absolutely looovveeee to live there, but I’m also very lazy and would lose my mind if I had to drive 30 minutes to find a supermarket

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be? Ice skating, skateboarding, rollerblading. Don’t ask me why, I just think people who can do that stuff are cool as HECK

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Nope. I drink tea no sugar, no milk. Cause I’m hardcore

5. What was your favourite book as a child? Malory Towers, oh my god PLEASE tell me someone else read those as a kid! I fell asleep listening the audio books every night and named all my Barbies after the main characters.....

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Showers

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? DRAGON. I WNNA BE A DRAGON

8. Paper or electronic books? Paper. Gotta get that new book smell

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? I own the BEST oversized, knitted jumpers. I’m counting down the days till autumn when I can wear them again

10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it? I really don’t like my name, I never have. My parents were going to call me Juliet which is wayyyy better than Ashleigh. But it would feel weird to answer to any other name at this point, so I’ll probably just leave it...

11. Who is a mentor to you? My therapist??

12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for? Hmmm, kind of. I value my privacy too much to be like FAMOUS famous, but it’d be nice to be recognised occasionally or be known in society in some lowkey way

13. Are you a restless sleeper? It usually takes me a while to get to sleep but once I’m out, I’m OUT

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? I’ve not felt a Romantic Feeling™ in over 10 years so you tell me

15. Which element best represents you? Air

16. Who do you want to be closer to? No one. I’m really content with all my relationships atm

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? No (I'm a real people person, can you tell?)

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory: I remember listening to the Shrek soundtrack on repeat and making up dances for each song. I then performed the whole thing one Christmas to my entire family.... let’s move on

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? Ostrich. It tastes kind of like meaty chicken

20. What are you most thankful for? My mental/physical health, my job, my home. I know that lockdown has been hard for many people and I’m very privileged to be able to say that I've been doing just fine. I do not take that for granted and I’m extremely thankful

21. Do you like spicy food? Oooooo yeeessssss, I put paprika on e v e r y t h i n g

22. Have you ever met someone famous? No, but I’m not sure I’d want to. Spotting someone from a distance is fine, but going up and talking to them? Interrupting their day with my incessant rambling? Absolutely not

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? I did for 6 months when I was 13. I get it out sometimes whenever I need a good cringe.

24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil? Pen for writing, pencil for drawing

25. What is your star sign? Libra sun, Aries moon, Aquarius rising

26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? Soggy (I’m so sorry)

27. What would you want your legacy to be? Oh god, I don’t know... I’d like to leave the world in a better state than I found it? To have done some good, made some change

28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read? You see, I want to like reading, but I just suck at it. My concentration goes after like 10 minutes and I often get stuck on one book for months. I’m currently attempting to reread The Silmarillion

29. How do you show someone you love them? By giving them my time and attention. Being alone is my default state so you know that if I’m actively choosing to spend time with you, I must really care about you

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? I guess. I’ll have it at a restaurant for example, but I’d never buy ice to use at home

31. What are you afraid of? F a i l u r e

32. What is your favourite scent? Watermelon, or anything sweet/fruity

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? First name

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I wouldn’t live it too differently to now tbh. I’d still want to work, I don’t know what I’d do otherwise! I’m really not into possessions so it’s not like I’d be out there living the luxury lifestyle. Obviously money = security so I’d be grateful for that

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Swimming pools

36. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground? Leave it there?? I wouldn’t want to get involved idk...

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish? No, I never have :(

38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children? Acceptance, of themselves and others

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? It’d have to be something simple, like a symbol or line drawing or something, wherever it would hurt the least

40. What can you hear right now? Kids screaming outside (they’re just playing, it’s fine)

41. Where do you feel the safest? Home, definitely.

42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My low self-esteem. I think we’d all be unstoppable if we thought more of ourselves

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? The 80′s for the music. The Renaissance for the art. And Medieval times for the DRAGONS

44. What is your most used emoji? 🙃

45. Describe yourself using one word: Enthusiastic

46. What do you regret the most? I’m not sure that I regret anything... I dropped out of university over 3 years ago so obviously further education was the “wrong” choice for me. But I love my life right now and I’d never have made it here if it wasn’t for the mistakes I made

47. Last movie you saw? Arrival. SO good

48. Last TV show you watched? Sex Education. SO SO good

49. Invent a word and its meaning:

CHESTURE verb | ches • ture 1. The unbearable frustration when you feel when struggling to perform a precise, intricate task e.g. threading a needle ↪ “Damn, I just can’t thread this needle! I am so chestured!”

I’ll throw this out to anyone who’s bored and feels like answering some personal questions ♡ ♡ ♡

#thanks again :)#tag game #long post

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dottie-wan-kenobi · 5 years

Note

I loveeee all the songs u chose for Tim!!! Can u maybe do a post or smth explaining why cus it’s so interesting seeing the choice behind these songs

Hi yes I can!! I’m not gonna do all of them here (I can def do the rest if you’d like!!) bc that’s just a Lot all at once lol. Also I might have typos and I apologize but dkjsfhakh I have bandaids on my fingers and it’s hard to type :^/

Disclaimer: some of these songs fit a lot better than other ones

Hard Times by Paramore

I chose this song bc it’s abbout being sad, but the tone is upbeat and happy. Something I’ve noticed abt Tim is that he is (usually) functionally depressed. Like, I read an article about high functioning depression, and it said that a lot of people who have it have a hole in their life – that they can have a job (and Tim does, being either CEO or Red Robin or both), a partner (who I like to think of as Kon), and be part of a family, maintaining this happy/upeat facade, but if you ask them what they do for fun…they usually can’t answer that. And I don’t think Tim can. When he was younger, he could, but what now?

Fave Lyric: “Walking around / With my little rain cloud / Hanging over my head/ And it ain’t coming down / Where do I go? / Gimme some sort of sign / You hit me with lightning! / Maybe I’ll come alive”

Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons

I chose this bc I can picture Tim, during a low moment like when Kon or Bruce died, just falling apart and thinking he’s not going to survive it, isn’t strong enough, had something to do with their deaths happening,,, etc. Also there’s a line that references anxiety and like lmao that’s Tim!

Fave Lyric: “Tremble for yourself, my man, / You know that you have seen this all before / Tremble, little lion man, / You’ll never settle any of your scores / Your grace is wasted in your face, / Your boldness stands alone among the wreck / Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck”

Heroes (we could be) by Alesso feat. Tove Lo

I chose this bc Tim needed a happy song and also because this has such Young Justice vibes !!!! This is Tim and his friends having fun, roaming around, kicking bad guy ass together!! Actually upon looking at the lyrics again, it’s both YJ and Batman & Robin. It just encompasses Tim’s early days of being a hero I think, the happy carefree nature and the bravery and the hope

Fave Lyric: “Everyday people do everyday things but I / Can’t be one of them / I know you hear me now, we are a different kind / We can do anything”

Burn The House Down by AJR

Tbh I mostly chose this bc its a bop and I think he would sing along to it. BUT I also think this kind of represents his life as a public figure/celeb??? And if I wanna go even further, I think it could represent him when he’s older and more confident, with a better self esteem and maybe a lil less depressed (which I hope is in the cards for his future). Also it talks about lying a lot???? I’m sorry, I don’t have a good analysis for this one lmao

Fave Lyric: “Way up way up we go / Been up and down that road / Way up way up, oh no / We gon’ burn the whole house down / Watch me stand in the line / You’re only serving lies / You’ve got something to hide / We gon’ burn the whole house down”

Don’t Let Me Down by The Chainsmokers feat. Daya

I chose this bc it reminded me of Tim and Dick. I’m of the opinion that Tim getting fired from Robin was the right choice and that Dick wasn’t being cruel or anything like that at all, but I also think that Tim probably saw it that way which is valid. So it’s like, to him, Dick was his big brother who was basically always there for him, and then suddenly… he’s not. And everything else going on in his life starts to suck dramatically, and not having his big brother makes it worse, and he feels betrayed. Meanwhile Dick really is on his side, life is just also terrible for him too so they can’t be as close as they were when Tim was Robin. It can also be about Bruce or Kon tbh – just, wanting one of them to be there and they’re not.

Fave Lyric: “Crashing, hit a wall / Right now I need a miracle / Hurry up now, I need a miracle / Stranded, reaching out / I call your name but you’re not around”

More under the cut!!

Don’t Play by Halsey

This…. I chose this bc I really love the celebrity versions of the Bats, and also how competent Tim can be, and this song brings both of those together. Lol this could also be like…what other people think the Bats/Tim think like?? “Don’t play with me, I’m rich and will fuck you up” kinda thing. This is one of the ones that fits less well than the others but I still get Tim vibes from it so I’m keeping it

Fave Lyric: “Tryna take back what you say to me / I don’t give a damn what you say to me / There ain’t no time for games with me”

Over My Head (Cable Car) by The Fray

I get the feeling that after bad shit happens to Tim, he feels the way this song shows. I haven’t read much YJ so I can’t be sure, but I get the feeling that Tim, no matter what the truth is, feels like he’s alone and there’s no one who will help him. Obviously that can be tied back to his childhood and how he had to take care of himself, and so when there are people who actually do wanna help him he doesn’t see it?? And he’s down on himself so he’s probably thinking “they don’t want to help me, and I can’t blame them”

Fave Lyric: “But that’s how it’s got to be / It’s coming down to nothing more than apathy / I’d rather run the other way than stay and see / The smoke and who’s still standing when it clears”

Icarus by Bastille

Okay not so much the drinking aspect of this song but EVERYTHING ELSE. I even used one of the lyrics for a fic title. Basically my thoughts here are: 1) everyone looks to the Robins and sees how much they do and it’s just A Lot, 2) Tim knows Jason died and so he probably thinks that’s in his future too even if Dick survived, and 3) Tim is doing a lot and feeling a lot and trying to protect himself and his feelings, which is hard work especially for someone so young

Fave Lyric: “Living beyond your years / Acting out all their fears / You feel it in your chest”

Needed Me by Rihanna

Again,,,, the Competence. I love that shit. I love BAMF!Bats, and tbh I think this could apply to more than just Tim, but I picked it for him bc of the first lyric!! This is also one of those ones that doesn’t fit super well but djkhfjkdshah I think this could really fit an AU Tim where he’s like. More morally gray. Not necessarily a bad guy but just more confident, more arrogant maybe, and more jaded from the hero-ing life

Fave Lyric: “I was good on my own, that’s the way it was, that’s the way it was / You was good on the low for a faded fuck, on some faded love / Shit, what the fuck you complaining for? / Feeling jaded, huh?”

What I’ve Done by Linkin Park

Okay I think this fits a lot of different things: his actions after Kon’s death, his and Damian’s relationship, the lies he’s told (to ppl like Steph, his dad, Tam?), his relationship with Bruce maybe?? I can also see it as him thinking on who he was as a kid – a stalker basically lmao, but ultimately harmless – versus who he is now – a skilled vigilante who’s definitely not harmless. Stark difference there. Also he’s forgiving himself, which is something I think is important for somebody with a low self view

Fave Lyric: “In this farewell / There’s no blood / There’s no alibi / ‘Cause I’ve drawn regret / From the truth / Of a thousand lies”

Tell Me You Love Me by Demi Lovato

I chose this because I think Tim is fucked up by the neglect he suffered in his childhood. I think parts of this song can be directed at his parents, the Batfam, his partner(s). He’s afraid that they’ll leave him and he needs the reassurance. Whether or not he gets it is another matter but kdsjfjkdsah. Really, I think this is all just what he’s thinking, and NOT what he’s saying. He needs the reassurance, yes, but he’s not actually asking for it because he doesn’t know how

Fave Lyric: “Bad at love, no, I’m not good at this”

bellyache by Billie Eilish

When I first added this to his playlist I somehow didn’t realize it was about a murderer but dkjfhkjshjkah whatever I’m keeping it. Let’s just go with this is a song about being fucked up (in whatever sense u wanna take that as) and it’s not happy? But like the first one, it’s upbeat and positive. I think the happy sound hiding the less pretty truth is something that explains Tim a lot. Also its a bop and he might sing along to it

Fave Lyric: “Everything I do / The way I wear my noose / Like a necklace / I wanna make ‘em scared / Like I could be anywhere / Like I’m reckless”

Migraine by Twenty One Pilots

Just Another Song About Tim’s Abysmal Mental Health

Fave Lyric: “Behind my eyelids are islands of violence / My mind ship-wrecked / This is the only land my mind could find / I did not know it was such a violent island / Full of tidal waves, suicidal crazed lions / They’re trying to eat me, blood running down their chin / And I know that I can fight or I can let the lion win / I begin to assemble what weapons I can find / 'Cause sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind”

Fake Love by Drake

I hate Drake but kjdsfkjdsfhajh this goes back to a few things. His celebrity and how he’s seen/treated differently by others because of it, his low self view and the paranoia that people aren’t really there for him no matter what the truth might be, how he sees things others wouldn’t, his relationships with people like Damian and Bruce. I think he’s more forgiving than this song would imply, so maybe this is also for that AU Tim I mentioned above???

Fave Lyric: “I’ve been down so long it look like up to me / They look up to me / I got fake people showin’ fake love to me / Straight up to my face, straight up to my face”

Six Feet Under by Billie Eilish

TIMKON TIMKON TIMKON. Post Kon’s death TimKon and Tim is grieving and trying to forget bc it’s so painful!!!!!!

Fave Lyric: “Our love is six feet under / I can’t help but wonder / If our grave was watered by the rain / Would roses bloom? / Could roses bloom / Again?”

Flaws by Bastille

Idek, I feel like this could be how he could view his relationship with Steph, Cass, Damian, Bart, Dick??? Anyone? Just feeling like he hides his flaws and how he feels, and they don’t really (or at least, he thinks they don’t), and he likes that.

Fave Lyric: “There’s a hole in my soul / I can’t fill it, I can’t fill it / There’s a hole in my soul / Can you fill it? Can you fill it?”

do re mi by blackbear

I’m mostly joking when I say this but this is how he feels about Ra’s al Ghul. It doesn’t fit exactly, bc Tim and Ra’s were NOT together ever at any point, but this song is about being annoyed by someone you have a history with and wishing you’d never known them. Which is how I feel Tim should feel about Ra’s. lol

Fave Lyric: “If I could go back to that day we met / I probably would’ve stayed in bed / You wake up everyday and make me feel like I’m incompetent”

Bored by Billie Eilish

I really think this is Tim talking to his parents. Like, when he’s a kid, or when he’s older and looking back, he’s thinking “I did everything I could, it wasn’t enough, and I know it’s not fair but I can’t do anything about it.” I think this song is supposed to be romantic but I’ve never heard it that way skdjfkjsdhakjh I just always think about Tim, home alone and thinking about his parents.

Fave Lyric: “I’m not afraid anymore / What makes you sure you’re all I need? / Forget about it / When you walk out the door and leave me torn / You’re teaching me to live without it / Bored, I’m so bored, I’m so bored, so bored”

Rose-Colored Boy by Paramore

This one is like… everyone else seems to have an easier time being optimistic and positive than Tim does, in his mind. Idk I don’t have much to say kdsjfhsdjkah

Fave Lyric: “Hearts are breaking, wars are raging on / And I have taken my glasses off / You got me nervous / I’m right at the end of my rope / A half-empty girl / Don’t make me laugh, I’ll choke”

King of the Clouds by Panic! At The Disco

This is mostly because it’s a bop and Tim would like it. But also…this is a song about dimensional travel (apparently) and having ambitions that seem lofty, both of which I think Tim can definitely understand!!

Fave Lyric: “And when I fall to rise with stardust in my eyes / In the backbone of night, I’m combustible / Dust in the fire when I can’t sleep a wink, I’m too tired / This old world, this old world”

#tim drake #song analysis #asks #idk what to tag this as #meta #???#this is 20 of them!! if u want more lmk (there are still like 40 more songs I think)#but im done for the day ksdjfkdash #its so hard to type like this #Anonymous

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earths-roots-grow-up · 5 years

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I just thought of rly hot take on Gilbert’s character. Idk if you’ll agree but hear me out. Gil internalizes all the negative things he’s called (arrogant, narcissistic, etc) and believes himself to be an awful, irredeemable person. This is how he justifies his bad behavior when he acts out, but this also leads him to ignore his good qualities and doesn’t believe people when they say he has good traits. So he just has terrible self esteem issues bc he believes there’s nothing good abt him.

That’s a pretty cool character take, gotta admit, it’s interesting :D Thank’s for sharing! My take on his self-esteem is pretty different, but there def. are things I would agree with, like that he believes a lot of bad stuff people say about him (narcissistic, aggressive, arrogant) and then it creates this self-fulfilling prophecy, i.e. because he believes them he is more prone to act that away.

And sorry bc I wrote a small feaking BOOK about this ;/

But, the way I see him, all those things are true. They are a pretty accurate descriptions of his character. And he doesn’t suffer from self-esteem issues bc of that. Like, a person who really truly IS selfish won’t care that they are selfish … bc they are selfish. And a person who is a jerk may agree they are a jerk to others, but they won’t feel any guilt over it - otherwise they wouldn’t be, well, a jerk :D What I mean to say is: if you think you are awful bc you are selfish and a jerk, you are probably neither selfish nor a jerk.And because he really is arrogant he tends to view all those things as good stuff. So him being arrogant/selfish just translates in his head to: I watch out for Number One, which is obviously a good thing, bc the Number One is the most important! It’s connected to survival.Being jerk/aggressive/subjugating others is in his head always connected to power. Those who have power get to be massive douches/control others - and power is always good, bc it means survival. So for him it’s very rooted in how he was created, that he had no land. He had to really fight for even becoming a small duchy. During that time he learned all those bad behaviors and his personality crystallized. And he knows he’s selfish/a jerk, but he doesn’t recognize those as real flaws but as things that made him survive/in the end, are good. FOR HIM. And for others,? He doesn’t care about others. Bc he’s selfish and a jerk :D BUT, and here comes another part where I agree with Your hot take, he’s not dumb, and he knows those things make him unlikable to others, he thinks no one would like him or could really enjoy his company. He still is like that, because to him survival/showing off power is just more important than being liked. But he would react with surprise and total doubt if someone just starts to.. like him. Find him attractive? Sure, he buys that, bc power IS attractive to him, so it must be attractive to others, right? But actually liking such a douche… doubt. And that gets reinforced hard by that HC I have that he’s selfish in bed which means it’s easy to get partners, but not so easy to keep them.Anyway: things like being soft, deeply empathetic, emotional and, yes, wanting to be liked - those are things he would rather consider flaws. So to him being unlikable jerk is in some weird way empowering, like: I don’t need anyone and those who need someone are pathetic! And if you at nice bc you want to be liked you are also pathetic! But deep down he is lonely and yearns for human connection and closeness. But its just… looses with all the other stuff. With SURVIVAL and with POWER.I think after the WW2, when he got a really hard slap from reality, he became closer to what you describe, in that for the first time in his life he started to recognize that those things are negative. It wasn’t an instant thing but a long process that took years but in the end, he self-actualized when he really recognized that those were flaws and that him being that way - at least partly - created his situation, like the dissolution. So in the end being a selfish jerk made survival harder, not easier.I think the biggest symbol of this change is when he decides to let the Berlin Wall fall. It’s the first time EVER he pretty much does something that would hurt him, for the good of someone else - he decides to give his country away to Ludwig. It’s an incredible leap and something he would never do, like, 100 years before. He was all about take-take-take.In modern times, I headcanon him as a better person but I don’t want him to lose his narcissistic/jerkisch personality bc I noticed that when this happens in tv shows then those characters often become boring and I lose interest in them. So my HC for him today is that he is still arrogant and a douche, bu he now can be vulnerable and empathetic a LOT more, especially for the ‘us’ group (others… less so, he still doesn’t care tbh) and it’s now possible to form healthy relationships with him. He’s still gonna do some power-seeking stuff in those relationships and be manipulative/passive-agressive, bc it’s just the way he is, but it won’t DEFINE his relationships with others. And when it comes to him bein an ass, he’s just very honest about his nature and embraces it. Like that t-shirt “#EVIL GERMAN” is his fav. But he’s not ashamed of it nor is it a source of bad self-image for him.So, yeah, sorry it’s so long!! ;/ I neve know which part to cut x.xBut yeah, I guess tl;dr awesome hot take, very interesting profile for a character, tho it’s not how I see Gil :) Would agree about the internalized ‘badness’ and that it makes him act even worse in the Great Circle of Assholnes & he doesn’t really believe other could really like him and is lonely bc of this. But due to complicated reasons mentioned above, it’s not a source of low self-esteem for him. I also wrote some stuff about how him being the way he is affects hs relationship owth others here and also here.

So I guess he has a LOT of problems.. just low self esteem is not one of them. And he very much believes himself to have like tons of positive qualities :D Because he’s arrogant. You can’t reall be arrogant and think you don’t have great qulities, I think? I mean I may be wrong here but that would go against the idea of arrogance I think.

He truly believes he’s better than others, bc selfishenss and arrogance, with the exception of Choosen Few (those he’s very close to and sometimes he even recognizes they are better at some stuff than him, like Ru being more creative/thinking out of the box… wow! :D character development! :D) ‘n because of this he often feels superior to other nations. But he also became less ostentatious with his ‘I’m better than you’ stuff since he lost his nation status, but oh it’s still there.

#now-thats-an-oof #aph prussia #hws prussia #hetalia #gilbert beilschmidt #i wrote this before first coffee I swear there is a coherent character profile there #but i gues it just sounds like ravings of a mad man x_x

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madmadmilk · 5 years

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I know it’s 2019 and we’re all supposed to love ourselves n stuff but Damn it I’ve gained weight lately and I don’t know why and I feel so not sexy or cute and have super low self esteem and no motivation to work out or be with anyone, and I know this isn’t thirstthursday-related and you don’t know me and I don’t know you, you don’t have to answer this, I just needed to rant to someone other than my friends or family bc it’s too uncomfortable

BRO ARE YOU READING MY GODDAMN MIND??????? I WAS GOING TO MAKE A POST ABOUT THIS EARLIER WHAT THE UCK?! 2019 is flying by and i’m still not hot yet 🙄 (also u can always rant to me about anything thank u)

but yeah...... . . i think i was feeling pretty low this winter. :/ i started a full time gig and i saw a LOT less sun and tbh that messes with you. spring is here and i’m like ready to be Out Here and Happy and Hot, but my body is like 🤪 “lmao bitch u THOUGHT.” and honestly, that’s fine! i think it’s good to acknowledge and recognize your /un/happiness. it reminds you that you can Be Better, and Do Better ! we really ain’t perfect, but i think that is motivation in itself

and mhm it’s easy to just shout “self-love!” at you but we all know how hard it is to pull our shit together. here are some things i like to keep in mind when i feel the low self esteem:

1.) wear that bomb-ass outfit that makes you FEEL good! and if you don’t have one at the moment???? go out and buy one! you deserve good things! it’s okay!

2.) realize that makeup/clothes/hairstyles are just material things–– they can be changed nearly anytime. if you can’t afford what you want or to change, that’s fine! keep planning for the day you CAN! dreaming for a better tomorrow always helps

3.) (this is really not for everyone lol) but look at yourself naked!!!! cos holy moly!!! you look like absolute FIRE with no clothes on, no interruptions–– just skin. :) idk it’s fun to see how my body moves. pose in the mirror! pretend to be a thot, or BE a thot!! idk!! do you!!

4.) bruh sometimes u just gotta DANCE........ like 2 full songs. just like 6 minutes of shaking and flailing to release energy and give yourself a good laugh :)

5.) idk just think about your daily plans, like “can i squeeze in a walk here?” or “maybe i’ll have this thing for lunch instead of that” or “let’s just fuck around and fix my sleep schedule!” . everything starts with A Thought, so thinking is already almost “doing!”

6.) takes selfies. just take them! try to look “good” and just take some regular ass pics of your face or your outfit or whatever! don’t delete them. actually, forget about them. !! –– then days later, check em out again. i am SURE you will see a certain charm in yourself after time passes. you’ll think “oh huh, my smile looks great there,” or “wow i wanna do my hair like that again” or “o SHIT i should post THIS!”

but yea man, i am totally feeling you on this. i kinda don’t know what to do with myself but eh! you only live once, and i don’t have time to be sad about my temporary form. i either gotta do something or deal with it soooooooo––– i’m aiming for a bit of both lol.

god speed my friend, you are already beautiful, i know it! but keep working hard for YOURSELF! 🌿🌿💓💕

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coralstudiies · 5 years

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do you have any tips on confidence and boosting self esteem? sometimes i feel like i’m not good enough to talk to certain people, or that everyone else is better than me. and fear stalls me from success and my dream life.

aw hun, im sorry you're going through this:( i think we've all been there, ik how it feels because sometimes when i think im finally getting good at something, someone else's better performance swallows my confidence. i think it's a common thing. of course, you might beat yourself up over that (we all will, it's just accepting that we WILL blame ourselves and then commiting to improving ourselves the next time around) but you should never destroy yourself by excessively and frequently harbouring such negative thoughts when your confidence/self-esteem is challenged.

for confidence, i don't think positive pep talk works for me because for some reason, the heart seems to only listens to our own negativity. and that's the thing tbh; if we cant trick ourselves to think positively, then we should try to see things as 'factually' as we can. im not saying become a robot, but say, if you failed a math test, instead of thinking negatively like "i suck" (which are only 2 words but negative enough to hurt your spirit imo) you should think "i need to work on my integration" of course if positive thinking works for you, go ahead. but im assuming it hasnt been effective, that's why you're asking for advice. Imo you lack confidence because you're overflowing with self-directed negativity, related to self-esteem ofc, so the best you can do is lock all of that out of your head. bit by bit! it's gonna be hard at first, but if you cant trick yourself into looking on the bright side, at least don't peer into the darkness. even that would be enough to stop some failures from eating away at your confidence.

next, about self-esteem. usually ppl have low self-esteem bc they are chasing an ideal that isn't theirs! im not saying your dreams are ideals; in a way they're just a small part. they're chasing a 'perfect me'. but you already ARE the ideal. things will come to you, so think about it that way. but they only come when you take the right steps. When you follow the right process the right results will come. It is CAUSE first then EFFECT. Goal - Thoughts - Feelings - Actions - Results - Ideal. it is somewhere along this path where you have stumbled, so find out where and sort it out asap. this is what's stopping you from becoming your own wonderful ideal. when people think they're not ideal, they naturally experience a plunge in self-esteem. and i really think there's no general way to boost self esteem except to find out whats going wrong and then fixing it. because self esteem is very closely tied to feelings, which is tied to your thoughts and hence your goals. in the same way, because it is tied to your feelings, it affects your actions, results and ideal. so its fricking endless and harmful.

you really gotta look into the issue, try your best to probe in deep even if it hurts. because trust me i've been there. i beat myself up over the smallest of things even tho i myself have won quite a healthy amount of medals and i KNOW i can do it. but my heart doesnt think so. and THEN i lack the confidence to really do what i need to do when i compete. and then i dont get the results. then at that moment, i am a step short of the ideal me. it's really a shit ton of factors coming in to play. but it all starts with me and my negativity, me and my self-blame, me and my unconfidence. but if you have the ability to start it off this way, you have the ability to turn it all around! my coach used to say, 你有多自卑就能有多自信 i.e. however inferior you can feel, is as confident as you can be. it's in you anon. you have the power. u just gotta harness it and change things for yourself step by step. idk if i helped bc like i said in an earlier answer to an ask, i'm the kind to brute force my way thru my own struggles.

but as my last reminder to u(which is not so related, but just in case its the ppl around u who intentionally make u feel bad ) circumstances don't have power over you. you -- after getting rid of(or at least minimising) whatever self-esteem issues you have -- have power over your circumstances. idk im just rly sorry that u feel like that, i know i dont give the best advice but i rly wish the best for u:) i have faith in how far you'll go!

#asks #coralstudies #self esteem #confidence #tips #advice #anyone else struggling can hmu #i'm here for you

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pinkykitten · 6 years

Text

make you feel loved

Marvel

Matt Murdock x plus size! female reader

Warning: self-conscious, insults, low self-esteem, cursing

Specifics: romance, fluff, angst, one-shot, pictures, gifs, race neutral reader, plus size reader, self-conscious reader

People: Matthew Murdock, you, apartment girl (oc)

Words: 2,634

Summary: you go on a date with matt but are self conscious. you have fun the whole date until you see someone prettier at his apartment. you break down and he shows you just how beautiful you are.

Authors Note: im srry fam i did not know how to end this lol so whelp i tried! my first matt reader but i luv him so much and i am so angry they canceled daredevil like how unfair tbh. recently at my household its been hectic and now that its so cold where im at and i have eczema MY SKIN IS PEELING YAYAYAYAYAY...u guys r awesome tho v(｡･ω･｡)

You were ready. Ever since Matt asked you out on a date you have been the happiest ever. It just amazed you that all your life you assumed you were never good enough, that you would never get a man, but fate gave a slap to your face and told you, “girl you are beautiful!” (thats me to all y’all hehe im ur fate)

Going from shop to shop you pick out the perfect outfit for the night. Admiring yourself in the mirror you check out all your places you thought were a problem, but to you, you thought you looked fierce! For once you felt comfortable in your own body, you felt sexy.

“Agh I’m so nervous,” you say aloud to yourself as you are fixing your attire. It was 6:00 and Matt said he would pick you up.

“Perfect,” you smile as you look at the mirror. As you sat down and waited for Matt you started to get nervous. Maybe he was playing you? Maybe this was all a joke, a prank? Maybe he stood you up? “Oh my god,” you thought to yourself, hastily standing up. “I forgot Matt’s blind. I’m such a terrible person, maybe he wanted me to pick him up!” You motion over to your phone to call him but suddenly you hear a knock on your door. You peer through the peep hole and sure enough its Matt.

He was wearing a suit, must of come out of work just now. You open the door and with a cheering tone say, “hey there Matt, how was your day?”

Matt just chuckles and scratches the back of his head, “tough, but better now that I’m here with you.”

You paused as you heard that sentence and scolded yourself to say something good to that, “thanks Matt, I’m glad too. Not that I’m glad you saw me, which I am happy you are seeing...me, but I’m glad that I get to see you too.” Then you realized...THE DANG MAN IS BLIND AND YOU JUST PUT SEE IN A SENTENCE!!!!! “OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY! Forget all that I just said now.” You were literally over here having a meltdown while Matt just gave you his charming smile and chuckled. “Don’t worry about it y/n.”

You shook your head and mouthed, “you’re such an idiot y/n, good job. See?” Matt heard the whole muttering commotion you had with yourself and offered to take your hand.

Going down the stairs you place your arm out so he could hold onto it. You two walked Hell’s Kitchen together, conversing about everything.

“So where are you taking me?” Your heels clicking with the cement, a smile appearing on your face as you look at Matt.

“I would love to tell you y/n but...its a surprise.”

“I love surprises! Just hope its not ribs or anything like that cause trust me...I get super dirty with that. But I mean if it is ribs I’m fine with it too.”

Matt shook his head and giggled some more at your cuteness. “No its way better, trust me.” As he responded his calloused hands landed on yours. They gently touched, skin to skin. It was a sign of love. He interlocked his fingers with yours and your breath hitched. Usually men would already make up their minds of who you are the second they get a look at you, but not Matt. Maybe it was because he was blind that played a big part in this, you hoped not. Was Matt just with you because he didn’t know what you looked like? Would he leave you if he saw that you weren’t fit, skinny? (peeps that look like that tho r beautiful as well!) Quickly you shook those thoughts out of your head, you persuaded yourself that you were going to have a fun time and that Matt was with you now because he liked you. Those speculations though were in the back of your mind.

You and Matt arrived at the restaurant, it was decorated with many lights that shined like stars. The sound of jazz music playing filled your ears, people chatting lowly about their day, their lives. It was so comfortable and such an elegant restaurant.

“Oh Matt...its beautiful!” You gush as the waiter takes you two to a booth. You sat in front of Matt. Matt put his cane in his pocket and held your hands, “tell me y/n...what do you see?”

Placing your purse next to you your eyes travel all around your setting. “Well there are many lights here, white lights. They look as if like the dark night sky, when there are many constellations out there. Then there are a good amount of people just talking, enjoying their time. The food looks great here, very professional. There is a chandelier in the middle of the building that gives the room a lighten up look. This is really nice Matt, thanks for taking me here.”

Matt grinned and settled back in his seat, “you can’t thank me yet, you have to taste the food its amazing.”

You giggled seeing Matt gush about food, he was so excited, “what do you recommend?”

You two conversed through out the whole dinner. You discussed about your job, family, things that have great importance to you. Matt discussed about his job, his friends and some of his childhood. You learned so many new things about Matt and that just made you see him as a greater person.

The check was placed in the middle of the table. You two reached for it but you picked it up first. “I got this Matt.” You protest putting your hand out.

“Y/n, I need to pay that, I’m not gonna let you pay for that.”

“You need to Matt, its the least I can do.” You were genuine about this, you took your wallet out.

“I was taught manners y/n, the men always pay. Now I’m not saying you are broke or anything, but I want to make your day great so that means I gotta pay.”

You two jokingly fight over who pays for the meal. It was so cute seeing Matt laugh at your jokes and mannerisms.

“Y/n if you don’t let me pay I feel like I didn’t just let you down, I let the world down. My life depends on paying for that.” He points to the white piece of paper.

You mutter to yourself, “that was pretty awesome.” You did not inform him of where that paper was on the table so the fact that he pointed right at it must be luck...right?

“Fine Matt you win, here.” You hand over the paper, laughing at him being so dramatic. (heck i would insist on someone paying for my food like “no no i insist.”)

As you two were leaving the restaurant you could see out of the corner of your eyes these group of people making fun of you.

“Look at her compared to him, it looks like she could eat him.”

“What a cow! No, more like a whale!”

“Do you see how big she is, like how big she is?”

All these terrible comments about your weight were thrown at you but all you did was smile and strutted past them. Their words could not hurt you, not today. Today you were having such a great time you weren’t going to let them win.

Matt heard the insults, his jaw clenching at how irate he was. His anger boiling inside him, all he wanted to do was go over there and punch the shi* out of them. But his anger subsided when he felt your hand on his back. It made him calm, the thought of you made him forget about them and only pay attention to you.

“You ready Matt?” Your voice was cheerful and bright. Matt nodded and you two left hand in hand.

Matt asked and decided that you two should go to his apartment since his was closer and you two could hang out more there. You agreed but were nervous.

Upon entering his tiny apartment you place your items on a table near by. “That is so cool,” you effused, seeing the electric billboard.

“You like it?” Matt asked as he took his jacket off and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

“I think its pretty.”

Matt handed you a glass of water and you thanked him. Sitting on his couch you await his presence.

Matt sits beside you and smiles, the moment is interrupted by a knock. “Let me get that.” Matt gets up and hurry's to the door.

When he opens the door all you hear is a girls squeal and her velvety voice. Curious you stand and go see who it is.

“-so I just moved in here and I was wondering if maybe you could help me out to where I need to go in order to get to my room.” She was twirling her hair and you could tell flirting with Matt.

On the other hand Matt could tell you were starting to get angry and upset because of your heart beat.

Here you were, trying to be a good citizen and help this woman out. “Hey maybe I can help you?” You interjected the conversation with a warm smile. The second the woman saw you her face had disgust written all over it.

“Um I’m sorry who are you?”

You shrugged, “just a friend.”

The girl chuckled and twirled her hair some more, “Thats funny I don’t like recall calling you.”

You fiddled with your fingers, “I know I just heard your conversation and thought maybe I could help you out, you know.”

“Sure lets talk outside though,” she suggested.

You followed her and closed Matt’s door. You walked a little ways with her and then stopped at a corner. “Okay so you are room 549, so you are going to take a right over here, and then go to the elevator and then go another right and then you’ll definitely see your apartment there.”

“Gotcha hey is there anyway you could give my phone number to your son, he’s really cute?”

Puzzled you tell the woman, “I’m sorry I don’t have a son.”

“Oh I thought that guy in the apartment was your son,” she had on an evil grin. “My mistake.”

You knew she said that on purpose because you looked the same age if not younger than Matt. “Its fine, we all make mistakes.”

“But still could you get me his number, and mine to his, he’s really handsome and trust me not trying to be rude or anything I think he kinda deserves someone who has my curves yet doesn’t look like she ate all of McDonalds. You know I read that so many people in America are obese, please I’m just trying to look out for you, be careful you are already on the path of like diabetes or more like death. Ever want to lose all that fatty weight, call me I own a gym and a workout plan. Bye.” She handed you a card and trotted off with an wicked smirk.

You stood there, speechless while holding that card. You were trying to hold it all in, not make the night unsuccessful, be confident but all those things washed away out of you, especially the confidence. Tears started to stream out of your e/c orbs. You stood there all alone, feeling disgusting and not pretty. You held the card and just stared at it, as if maybe if you stared at it longer all your problems about your weight would disappear.

Matt was waiting for you but suddenly he heard your heart beat quicken and he heard sobs. Opening the door he went to find you.

“Y/n?” He coaxed as he got closer to you.

In a swift movement you wiped your tears away and gave a fake smile, “hey Matt, I’m fine. I think I might be leaving though, it was nice having this night with you.”

Matt could hear that you were crying so he motioned to you and placed both his hands on your cheeks, you backed away, not wanting him to touch your body.

“Please y/n, come inside and talk to me.”

You did go back inside and stood by the window looking at your reflection.

“What happened y/n?” Matt broke the silence, hands on his hips.

You couldn’t control the tears anymore, “I am just ugly, aren’t I?”

“C’mon y/n don’t say that-”

“I will never be good enough...will I? I wanted to enjoy this night Matt, I wanted to be that confident woman that doesn’t care what anyone says but Matt, I do care, and it does hurt what they say. What hurts more is that they say it so much! I should be used to it by now!”

You turn around and try storming off but Matt grabs your arm, “y/n stay please I need to tell you that-”

“What, you didn’t know I was plus size, I am chubby. No I guess not, Matt I know the bullsh*t you’re trying to do here. I get that you’re blind, but thats why its worse. You don’t know what I look like, but if you did you would be laughing right now, you would without a doubt leave me immediately. I’m not that skinny girl, and you deserve that. You are so handsome and so smart, kind, everything that is good and you deserve a woman that is equally as beautiful as you. I’m sorry Matt, thats not me. I’m sorry I wasted your time, but for me this day was a dream come true. This day made me thought for one second that maybe just maybe I could have gotten someone who loves me for me. Fantasy isn’t reality though.”

More tears streamed down your face, you forcefully tried to walk away but Matt grabbed you and brought you to him for a kiss. Placing his thumb and forefinger under your chin he deepened the kiss.

“What was that Matt?” You queried, feeling bashful and shocked.

“Y/n, I didn’t go out with you today because of any other reason except that I like you, a lot. I know I’m blind but I think you are amazing, I want to show you that you are beautiful.”

Matt placed his hands on your cheeks, “may I?” You whispered a yes and Matt started to touch all over your face, your neck, down to your breasts, the back which you were terrified of him touching. People always made fun of you saying that you have breasts on your back. When he touched those bumps and curves you backed away but Matt kept a hold on you, kissing your lips lightly. He touched all of you and breathed to you during another kiss, “you are beautiful y/n.”

“Wow you just touched ever part of my body that I hate, didn’t you get disgusted?”

“Never y/n, I think your body is beautiful, to me its curvy, its sexy, you’re sexy.”

You still felt uncomfortable, Matt thought of an idea, “here, what if I do this? Will it help you feel more relaxed.” Matt took his glasses off and put them on a table. “Better?”

“You have really pretty eyes Matt,” you say sheepishly.

Matt giggled at your comment.

He then picked you up and carried you to the couch. You were placed on his lap as he touched all of you. “To me you are brilliant y/n, you are wonderful and I want to show you from now on how beautiful you truly are.”

You chuckled and grew confident enough to kiss him again. The kiss became more passionate and fierce, “thank you Matt.”

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Janis & Grace

Janis: what are you up to rn Grace: UM why? Janis: 'cos we can't find Cass and can't take the kid on the decent rides, will you just stand with him for a minute Grace: oh Grace: yeah sure Janis: cheers Janis: give you some cash, he likes the easy shit Grace: OMG don't even mention it Grace: or like worry about it cos I'm not trying to break a nail rn Janis: you've gotta entertain him somehow Grace: Duh Grace: but that's not with waltzers and rollercoasters babes Janis: I've just said he can't come with Janis: we're talking coconut shy level, Grace Grace: & I'm saying I know what I'm doing Janis: well don't fuck it up please Janis: call if he gets too worked up he's shy Grace: obvs! just go Janis: it's serious Janis: and you haven't said where you are Grace: I'm being serious Grace: I'll meet you at the sweet stand Janis: 👍 Grace: 👌👌👌 Grace: [shows up with a very unimpressed lad in tow] Janis: [just such a withering look like who the fuck are you] Grace: [does not intro him and is just intro-ing herself to Bobby and it's cute] Janis: [just in the background letting Jimmy do what he need to do but lowkey trying to walk away like bye] Grace: [it's fine girl we know Grace has got this] Janis: [ahh when you can't stand to be around her for literally five seconds] Grace: [me when Trace is on one] Janis: [go have fun] Grace: is he allowed any more 🍬🍩🍭??? Grace: he says he's had NONE but I know when a boy is feeding me a line 😂 Janis: try and make him have a hot dog or some chips first Janis: if not he'll be 🤢 Grace: me too tbh Janis: such a good influence, like Grace: I'm sorry that my date is a feeder or something 😱😱😱 Grace: does not take no for an answer Janis: bodes well Grace: UGH IKR 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: he's in a mood cos I got 💋 on him earlier like ?? excuse me Grace: I don't have my own makeup line yet, boy Janis: it is grim when you've used a cup Janis: like a crime scene Grace: OMG don't be on his side! Grace: he wouldn't be complaining if it was anywhere but his face Janis: behave Janis: shits probably harder to wash off that herpes Grace: EW Janis: you said it Grace: I literally did not Janis: you did Janis: don't need to hear about you lipsing anyone Grace: Okay hun that makes no sense Grace: if it had staying power it wouldn't have transferred and he wouldn't be 😣😣😣 Grace: & I wouldn't have to go hard on 🍬🍩🍭 to show him my chill vibe or whatever Grace: so #notlikeothergirls & so annoying Janis: what's any of that got to do with me Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: you talk for the sake of it Janis: talk to your shit date, not me Grace: sure Grace: laters, babes Janis: 👍 Grace: 👋 Janis: [later than you were probably expecting, like] Janis: k where are you Grace: bumper cars Grace: there's a line but we're basically at the front of it now 🙏🙏 Janis: cool we'll jump it Grace: you can take my place, these are NOT driving shoes Janis: babe, you just steer Grace: really!?? Janis: yes 😂 Janis: how do you not know that Grace: Oh thank god! Grace: idk I've never been on them Janis: how is that possible Janis: maybe you should go in with your lad, let Jim take Bobs Grace: Before this date I haven't been to the fair since I was younger than Bobby so Grace: Oh please, he's long gone Grace: Your boy can if he wants to though, that'd be cute Janis: sure, too many sights and smells, can't control her gag reflex when she's abused it that hard Janis: oh, soz Grace: 🙄🙄 not everything I do is with Mia, thank you Grace: & no you're not, babes Janis: pretty much since you were a bit older than him, maybe Janis: well not really but can't blame him Janis: didn't reckon on you bringing a child so Grace: do you see her rn? obvs not Grace: 🤷🤷 if he wants to say that's the reason Janis: can't really bring your missus on a date Janis: got to have some boundaries Grace: can you STOP Janis: what Janis: I said soz, make Jimmy buy you a drink or something Grace: I don't want a drink Grace: I'm gonna have to work out tomorrow Janis: well can you not just take it Janis: you don't need paying but he'll wanna do something so Grace: He knows my coffee order Grace: I'll make time to go Janis: k good Grace: He's a cute kid, I don't even need anything Janis: that just makes you sound like a child snatcher so keep that hush Grace: you're ridiculous Janis: am i Grace: Duh Janis: 👌 Grace: Whatever, I've said my goodbyes so 👋 too Janis: cheers Janis: later Grace: Any message for mum and dad? Janis: lol that's a good idea Grace: I obvs meant about where you'll be or when you'll be back Grace: but 👌👌👌 Janis: that's even stupider then, ain't it Grace: mhmm Grace: my bad, hun Janis: don't mention it Janis: not the easiest mistake to make but 🤷🤷 Grace: 🤷🤷🤷🤷 Grace: I'm so over it Grace: you too, I'm sure Janis: if they're still acting like they don't have answers to either of those questions, I can imagine Janis: could always repurpose my message for yourself Grace: if I wasn't going straight home but tragically Janis: what difference does that make Janis: can still tell them to fuck off Grace: not before dad picks me up thanks Grace: it's not like that boy will be doing a U turn now I'm Bobby free Janis: lol no way he was 17 Janis: looked 12 Janis: and he still would, he's a fucking pushover Grace: he's 19 Janis: so a nonce Janis: cool Grace: You're literally OBSESSED Grace: first I'm a child snatcher then he is Janis: that's literally the definition Janis: you're a child, he ain't, what do you want me to do Janis: didn't work anyways and even if it did, no one's throwing 😍 at it Grace: If you wanna report him, go off Janis: yeah I'll ruin some sad cunts life 'cos you're out here trying to prove something Grace: ???????!!!!!!! Grace: he asked me out, I agreed, it's not a big deal Janis: mhmm Janis: swear guv Grace: OMG SHUT UP Janis: sort it out for fuck's sake Grace: I didn't know he was that old! You literally just said yourself he doesn't look it Janis: don't incriminate yourself Janis: not illegal but just as weird if you're tryna fuck 12 year olds Grace: gross Janis: you said it Grace: No Janis: definitely did Grace: Leave me alone Janis: ooh alright Janis: touchy Grace: OMG why can't you ever stop? Janis: pot kettle Janis: why are you being so sensitive Grace: Why are you still talking to me? Janis: 'cos what's wrong with you Grace: yeah cos I'm gonna tell you Janis: why do you care Janis: you got what you wanted from him anyway Grace: What does that even mean? Grace: you have no idea what I want or wanted Janis: you wish Grace: obvs you do, but I really don't Grace: I'm wishing you'd go away thanks Janis: yeah, can't you tell how much I wanted to see you Janis: good catch up babes Grace: 😂😂😂 Janis: about right Grace: sure Grace: see you at school, like Grace: Spanish is first lesson back Janis: maybe Grace: 💔 Janis: isn't it just Grace: next time you steal a car is fine too Janis: next time it won't be nans so 🤞 no Grace: just don't look up my bad date, his wouldn't get you a mile out of Dublin Janis: got standards, darling Grace: I know, babes Grace: everybody does Grace: You can only wish for secrets Janis: can give the daily vlog a miss then Janis: phew Janis: love it when they put the work in for me Grace: mine's postponed cos I don't film little kids but there's plenty of other content THANK GOD Janis: 💔 should've thought of that before agreeing to go out with one really Janis: not very committed Janis: I'll 🙌 to that Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: n'awh Janis: say hi to the gals from me Grace: I'd love to but there's been a disconnect Grace: I'll say it to my ex instead, he just got here Janis: less impressive than the 19 year old Janis: forgetting your audience Janis: they'll probably go for it though THANK GOD 👍 Grace: You're forgetting I only need a ride Janis: that's low, man Grace: If you wanna console him, he'll be free later Janis: you know something's gonna happen to you one day yeah Grace: I know you've got your 🤞 Janis: get a grip Grace: obvs the plan Grace: I'll make sure he's parked first tho, wouldn't wanna cause a crash Janis: unlikely Grace: not really Janis: if anyone bought you were a decent ride you wouldn't have to rely on your ex Grace: if I wasn't he wouldn't be back Janis: he's back 'cos your price is a ride Janis: you know it's not even a fiver in petrol Janis: literally the eastern euro girls on the street aren't as cheap Grace: wow Grace: so judgemental Janis: you're dirty Janis: it's disgusting, judgment from me is the least of your worries Grace: Yeah it honestly is Grace: & I'm sure you have better things to do so Janis: yeah talking to mum and dad for a start Grace: cute Grace: say hey from me Janis: you reckon I won't Janis: got no loyalty to you Janis: be more than a hey if they can manage to do even a semi-competent job Grace: I don't care if you do or whatever else you do Janis: Don't need you to Janis: be out of your hands, like Grace: sure Grace: they'll really show up for whatever slut intervention you think is about to happen Janis: you don't reckon Janis: you're delusional if you don't Grace: you are Grace: where's it been, babes? Janis: you're putting yourself in danger Grace: Me and how many of the rest of us Janis: you're stupid, Rio at least has some brains Janis: marginally more self-esteem Janis: born victim, you, trust me, they're gonna get on board Grace: nobody's more devastated than me that I'm not more like Rio, obvs Grace: except maybe dad Grace: 💔 there's not 10 of her Janis: no one cares what he wants Janis: irrelevant beyond being a sperm donor Janis: enjoy your chat 💕 Grace: 💜💜💜 Janis: 😂 Grace: it will be amusing if it happens Grace: I'll keep you a front row seat, hun Janis: don't worry Janis: buzzin' I care, so far in my DMs Janis: must be gutting when you're the only one that does and you get no recognition for it Grace: 😭😭🙄🙄 Janis: that's alright, sure your ex will take you back and console you Janis: epic shag and all around winner that he sees you as 😍 Grace: if he won't, I'll try one of the others Janis: always the shameful hookup when you've run out of lotion, never the girlfriend Grace: mhmm Janis: love that for you Janis: just get her in to help you with your prices Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: she is good at maths Janis: is she Grace: oh of course she's never helped you with your homework Grace: my bad again, babes Janis: not what she's remembered for is it Janis: being the whore who married her cousin is really all that comes to mind but that's almost sweet Janis: pop it in the eulogy, lovely Grace: if you'll excuse me, I have to make some conversation with this boy Grace: such a good chat tho Janis: not what he's paying for Janis: so don't worry about not being a decent conversationalist Grace: tragically telling him that wouldn't get me where I wanna go so Janis: the tragic thing is you think you're too good for the bus when you're literally selling yourself Janis: wonder how many times this one told you you talk too much? 🤔 Grace: Oh please Grace: & I'm the extra one Grace: everything's a drama tonight, hun Janis: don't act as if you don't understand Janis: he would only pick you up so you blow him Janis: you aren't friends, they don't care about you or even respect you Janis: it's as simple as that Janis: and you're not even trying to get out, you're going home, half an hour away Janis: it's actually the saddest thing I've ever heard Grace: not anymore obvs Grace: why would I go home for the lecture? Janis: because you've got no balls and nowhere to go Janis: fucking hell I hope they pay for a decent shrink, seriously Grace: Thanks to you I've got nowhere to go Janis: go home Janis: sort yourself out Grace: I'll take the party he's offering but thanks again Janis: that's right Janis: get off your face then it ain't your fault Grace: It'll be my fault but I won't care Grace: you always tell me not to so congrats, finally taking that advice Janis: you'll be crying on a stranger's bathroom floor within the hour Janis: you ain't built for it, so tah for the guilt trip but i ain't biting Grace: I love that you've given me that long tbh Janis: got to earn his time and attention and petrol first Grace: Oh honey, I could do that crying Janis: wanna turn your phone off Janis: they'll be out looking now Grace: I would but if it's not on my snap it didn't happen, don't need to tell you tho Janis: your locations on Janis: they aren't that thick Grace: What do you care? You want them to find me Janis: you mean you do Janis: christ Grace: You think you know everything about me Grace: where does the delusion even come from? Janis: you think no one does Janis: let's unpack that one Grace: no-one does know everything Grace: they can't Janis: someone needs to take your netflix away too whilst they're at it Janis: fucking hell Janis: we aren't 13, even then that shit was embarrassing Janis: now it's well Janis: get yourself on the corner with your bessies level Grace: Whatever Janis: you really thought that was a revelation Janis: put it as your next caption, get those kids clicking ❤ Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: this is what comes of letting stoners breed, jesus Janis: experiment over Grace: we all wish it was Grace: at least they've stopped now Janis: no need to wish Grace: not gonna jump out of this moving car, however much you'd love that Janis: i know Janis: no balls Grace: 💔 Janis: answer your phone yeah Grace: As if Janis: for fuck's sake, Grace Grace: I don't need to hear mum chatting to me like I'm Carly or Edie Grace: or dad telling me that he still loves me Janis: well then, think that it's not about what you need, I don't care Janis: just do it Grace: I literally just said no Janis: I literally don't care Grace: So get out of my inbox Janis: answer your phone and I will Grace: I'd actually rather kms than answer that phone call in front of this boy Grace: it's not happening, go away Janis: no Janis: answer the phone Grace: no Janis: do it Janis: stop being selfish Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: coming from you Janis: and? Grace: it's just hilarious that you think you can make me do anything Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: answer the phone Grace: no Janis: do it Janis: he doesn't like you anyway so don't act like that's an excuse Grace: It's not about him Grace: he answered the fastest Janis: then talk to mum and dad Grace: I've nothing to say & like I said I don't wanna hear what they are going to Grace: no thanks Janis: No one cares Janis: pick up the phone and get it over with then Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: exactly Grace: I'll do it when I'm drunk obvs, there'll be no stopping me then Janis: why not now Grace: I'm busy, like Janis: no you ain't Grace: excuse you Grace: the fact this makeup has no staying power was literally the opener of this convo Janis: and what Grace: & he'd kick me out of the car if he saw me without any Grace: duh Janis: again Janis: so Janis: that's the point Grace: your point, babes Grace: mine was that I wanna be here Janis: no, yours was you need a lift Janis: which you don't now so get out Grace: no, it was that I don't wanna go home thanks Janis: no one does but you have to Grace: Why do I? Grace: I literally don't Janis: yeah you do, you aren't being safe or smart Grace: &? Grace: it's been forever since I was either Janis: exactly Janis: so go home Grace: Why now? Janis: its pretty obvious Grace: No Grace: it would've been obvs if someone had said something at my 13th birthday party when I went further than anyone during 7 mins in heaven cos Connor O'Malley said he really liked me and he wanted my birthday to be special for a good reason again Grace: or when I hooked up with his best friend like a week later cos he lied Grace: You don't care, you've never cared Grace: don't tell me what to do now Janis: yeah, your birthday Janis: and you reckon you got it bad it could've been worse if I hadn't bothered saying anything Janis: you think i'm going to pick up your slack and be 2nd to you Janis: for what Grace: OMG you're just like Mia, putting yourself in the centre of everything Grace: I've never thought that or wanted it Grace: 2nd to me!? I'm not that fucking delusional Janis: how dare I remind you its my birthday and all Janis: bullshit, Grace Grace: That wasn't the point Grace: I'm trying to tell you, it's too little, too late Janis: that's it Janis: that's your problem is it Janis: poor you Janis: get a grip, you and every other girl at school Janis: fucking hell, edie died Grace: Get a clue Grace: this is why I can't talk to you Janis: not trying to talk to you Janis: go home Janis: I'm not there Grace: Even Diego's out so like I said, why should or would I? Janis: because you wanna be Grace: You're actually not on the same planet, I s2g Janis: that heart to heart you're trying to have Janis: they're the only ones that'll listen Janis: so go Grace: They won't Janis: bollocks Janis: all they do Grace: You go Grace: do whatever it is you want Grace: I'm good Janis: no you're not Grace: obvs but as good as I can be 🍾🎊 so 👋 Janis: no Janis: I've told you Grace: Go off, I'll mute you when it gets boring Janis: no you won't Grace: ILYSM but even so Janis: you won't so save us both the hassle Grace: you'll be hassled by drunk me, babes Grace: she'll be living her best life Janis: no one believes that Janis: and you think I wasn't bored before this began Janis: difference between us is I do give a shit Grace: of course I don't think that, we OBVS know each other so well Janis: hurry up Grace: 💃💃 Janis: hilarious Janis: don't reckon I won't show up and bring them with either Janis: get your head out your arse and make it easy for yourself before I make it worse Grace: that's your fave thing tho Grace: it'd be so mean Janis: not stopped you before Janis: go on Grace: drunken portuguese is some drinks off but sure dad's waiting by the phone so Janis: can't even remember any so Janis: what do I care, you're talking to them Grace: this is so annoying now Grace: you're putting me off Janis: now Janis: you are slow Janis: come on Grace: shhhhhhhhhhhhh Janis: no Janis: [rings her all the times] Grace: 🙌💜 Janis: picked you up yet Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: they're slow too, hello Grace: I've been saying that this entire time Janis: told them where you are or what Grace: mhmmm just gonna send them the location so they can hang Janis: do it then Grace: I 👏 AM 👏 BUSY Janis: no, you aren't Grace: Oooh this boy says he knows you Grace: very ginger, very aggressive 👋 Janis: okay Janis: that's nice Janis: off you pop Grace: he is not cute, babes Janis: what a tragedy Janis: start dialling or I'm gonna come over Grace: No you're not Grace: you never wanna be where I am Grace: & neither does your actually cute bf Janis: correct Janis: that's not what it's about so do it Grace: Just let me have a night off OMG!!!!!!!!! Grace: you get to do everything you want Janis: so Janis: you aren't me and you don't know what you want Janis: sort it out Grace: yeah okay I'll figure all that out in the AM Janis: no, you won't Janis: we're coming so you can think about it all you like once they're done Grace: STOP Janis: why should I Grace: cos I'm asking you to Grace: cos you're my sister & you don't even love me Janis: so you think you can just say and do all that fucked up shit and I'm not gonna stop you Janis: I don't think so Grace: What do you what me to say or do? Janis: I've been clear, call mum and dad and get them to come get you Grace: & after that?? Grace: Why do you want me to be all alone like?????? Janis: they're going to talk to you, work something out Grace: they're gonna talk at me and we'll all 😭😭 & nothing will be any different literally Grace: not drunk enough for that yet soooooo Janis: try listening yeah Grace: they're the MOST cringe though 😱😱😱 Janis: then you should agree Grace: 😂😂 okay bitch Janis: mhm Janis: they're waiting, like Grace: UGH Janis: yeah Janis: they've said they'll text so I'm not going Grace: What did you say? Janis: why? Grace: cos I wanna know how bad the freakout will be Grace: what did you say about me? Janis: what you said Janis: no need to lie, you gave it all up Grace: so you just told them everything Janis: all the relevant info, yeah Grace: I literally can't go home EVER Janis: yeah you can Grace: How could you do that to me!?? OMG Janis: how could I not Janis: not cosigning on that shit Grace: cos it's none of their business what I do Grace: or yours but at least you're not like OLD Janis: you're their kid, that's literally all their business is Grace: So are you! You don't let them tell you anything Janis: they're still meant to try Janis: and they do Grace: I hate this Janis: good Janis: you're not totally crazy then Grace: can't you come instead? Grace: I'd take Rio over them rn Janis: probably don't Janis: when she have her last kid, probably hormonal Janis: well I ain't got a car and we know how you feel about me stealing one but I can come Grace: IOU 💜 Grace: screenshot that in case I'm more drunk than I think I am Janis: you're always more drunk than you think you are Janis: forget about it, like Grace: me or like everyone? Grace: 🤔🤔🤔 Janis: you, specifically but yeah Janis: most in general Grace: my ex isn't if you wanna fight him Grace: cos you wanna fight most people Janis: which one Grace: this one Grace: oh you mean how many hookups ago duh Janis: i mean name, any other identifiers, even then, unlikely i'll remember Grace: Tyler Grace: he's not white that helps him stand out in my exes line up Grace: hmmm Grace: short and mad about it? Grace: that's his identifier with me but shhh Janis: 😂 Janis: oh right, can recall that one then Grace: he does NOT like you, babes Grace: too tall obvs Janis: 💔 Janis: gutted, obvs Janis: his 👀 are chest height and everything, that I remember Grace: IKR?! Grace: he was so 😣😣😣 cos I had my 👠s on Grace: boy they weren't for you! I'm SORRY Janis: probably gonna wanna steal some shoes if you're coming with me though Grace: ??? Janis: 👟 Janis: you'll be like a baby 🦒 on ice Grace: are we walking all the way home? Janis: depends Janis: send us your location and I'll see what I can do Grace: [does] Janis: we could walk that Janis: but we can get a bus like 10 minutes from there if you need Grace: Today has been the literal WORST from the moment I agreed to the fair idc Janis: that means no complaints then yeah Grace: can I do them now cos I've been so excited to go out with him since I met him and then FINALLY it comes around & ugh Janis: seemed like a moody prick Grace: boys are such liars Grace: like okay you're nothing like you were that day in town & you're actually 19 & I don't think you even wanna be here Janis: yep Janis: girls too, in fairness Janis: you're just used to that and not trying to fuck 'em so Grace: I just thought he was different, nice or something Grace: like you said I should go out with Janis: yeah well Janis: never said it'd be easy, like Janis: few and far between Grace: I tried really hard Grace: Like REALLY Grace: it's so stupid Janis: ain't your fault he was a twat Grace: I fell for it Grace: nice lads aren't here for me, obvs, I should've known Grace: I literally do know Janis: it ain't that simple Grace: It is though Grace: I'm a bitch Grace: Is Jimmy coming? Janis: don't worry about that right now Janis: nah, he don't need to Grace: Tell him I'm sorry then Janis: bit rude i don't get one Janis: it's fine Grace: I mean for everything Grace: Mia Grace: since he got here Janis: yeah Janis: pretty mental, even for you lot Grace: I told her, I keep telling her Grace: cos I am happy for you, like Janis: alright, I'll tell him Grace: Believe me though Janis: I do Janis: don't be weird, like Grace: you have to cos I love you, okay? Grace: but idk what to do about her Janis: I can handle her Janis: he can too Janis: but she's genuinely just Janis: you know Janis: you need to handle her too, yeah Grace: I don't work with her though Grace: or without Grace: cos she's not talking to me rn & look Janis: bollocks Janis: she would've told you to go for it with that lad Janis: come on Grace: I met him because she was being a bitch about you that day he was over at our house & I made her leave Grace: I wouldn't have gone into town on my own otherwise Janis: you could've met him any time Janis: and it's not about him Janis: you've gotta admit, he's not exactly out of character in your ex line-up Janis: can't think like that Grace: she would've said no & none of this would have happened so Tyler wouldn't have picked me up & mum & dad wouldn't think I'm a sex worker Janis: I didn't tell them you were a sex worker Janis: and she only would've said no 'cos she'd wanna be watching us so that's not like she's looking out for you Janis: not like she's got a sixth sense for dickheads herself Grace: I hate her Grace: I hate my life Janis: yeah Janis: I know Janis: you've got to get rid of her at some point Grace: Why don't you love me? Janis: Grace Janis: it'd just be easier if we didn't Janis: for all of us, you especially Grace: what does that mean???? Janis: it only hurts if you love or care or Janis: whatever Grace: but its not about Edie cos you didn't love me before Grace: & you love him, your boyfriend so Grace: what did I do? Janis: that's not true Janis: I don't know Janis: maybe I can't Grace: but you literally love him Janis: no I don't Grace: It's everywhere, all over everything Grace: I can't be on my phone without seeing it Grace: or in the same room as you Janis: yeah and how many of your exes did you actually love Grace: that's not the same Grace: I don't look at them like that & they'd never look at me like it either Grace: it's so fake, it has to be if I'm in it Janis: I've not known him that long Janis: no one has, like Grace: So? Janis: can't be in love with someone you don't know, right Grace: I know when I've done the wrong thing like IMMEDIATELY Grace: maybe you can still feel something that soon when it's good too idk Grace: not the right person to ask about love Janis: noted, babe Janis: just saying, think lots of people fake it Grace: Yeah Grace: sometimes you have to & sometimes you want to Janis: do you want to? Grace: when? Grace: I fake like everything, babes, you need to hit me with specifics Janis: well that's what I mean Janis: if your ratio is mostly wanting to, then I guess that's alright Janis: but it ain't so Grace: it's like I have to pretend I'm not freaking out whenever a boy touches me but I want to pretend that's not always gonna be a thing Grace: specifics Grace: I have to be friends with Mia but I don't want to Janis: Why do you have to Grace: ??????? Janis: be friends with her Grace: like I said, it's too late Grace: I can't go back and not tell her everything or have her with me for everything Grace: idk how to do things without her anymore Grace: I need her even if I don't like her Janis: 'course you can Janis: look at us, we're blood relatives and we manage Janis: you don't want her fucking up everything you do forever Grace: I'll have her to blame that way though Grace: if it's just me, it's literally me Janis: nah Janis: family album full of people you can blame Janis: easy Janis: swear Grace: she hates you & I wanna hate you, sometimes Grace: so I thought that would be easy Janis: yeah but she also wants to live in my skin so Janis: complicates matters Grace: but like same ?? so Janis: now you see why I didn't wanna come to those sleepovers Grace: fine cos I don't want you there being prettier than me Janis: 😏 yeah right Grace: ugh Janis: you alright Grace: I just didn't wanna cry here, you know? Grace: he'll think it's about him Janis: go outside Grace: I wish screaming I DON'T LOVE YOU BYE actually meant that Grace: instead of making people think I do Janis: screaming anything don't really help your case Janis: try 🤐 Grace: actually can't though, sorry Grace: 💘 or 🤐 Janis: I've got headphones Janis: it's fine Grace: Where's Jimmy's mum? Janis: not coming to pick you up, can tell you that for certain Grace: Is she dead? Janis: Don't know Janis: did Bobby talk about her lots then Grace: He asked me if we've got one Grace: & said that he doesn't Janis: yeah, she pissed off, about the sum of it Janis: don't know if he knows that or what though so Grace: Maybe he was too little Grace: he's so sweet Janis: yeah, pretty cute Grace: like really gentle, little lads are normally so loud & annoying Janis: girls are well worse Janis: especially the ones in this family Grace: duh Grace: you can say I'm most annoying, babes 👑 treat yourself Janis: was talking about the actual children, like but you know Janis: fight a toddler if you need to, babe Grace: Oh so I'm an actual child when a 19 year old lies to me but not when I want a 👑 Grace: so rude Janis: that's life Janis: don't make the law up, soz Grace: 💔 Janis: I'll run for PM when I get a sec Grace: I love that for you Janis: obvs Janis: no 👑 Grace: but you have any food?? Janis: food? Grace: I'm so hungry like all the time 😱😱😱 aren't you? Janis: nah 'cos I eat enough and at the right times Janis: I've passed hundreds of kebabbies and shit, we'll go get something Grace: 🙏🙏🙏🙏 Janis: who's gaff even is this Grace: UM idk Grace: his cousin maybe? Grace: no his uncle Grace: no Janis: don't need the family tree, I get the vibe Janis: are there any other girls from school there like Grace: that's a real no Grace: I would not be here Janis: ugh Grace: if I'm gonna commit suicide I'll do it myself thanks Grace: don't need them or their insta stories Janis: not my main concern Grace: ?? Janis: it'd be better if it was an actual party with school people Janis: not his cousin uncle and co Grace: Why? Janis: because why would he bring you around his older male relatives Janis: what do you have in common with him, never mind them Janis: it's so dangerous, Grace Grace: I didn't know it was gonna be this sketchy Grace: that's not what he said Janis: yeah well boys lie, remember Janis: it's fine, I'm only a few streets away now, apparently Grace: I'm outside so we can just leave, yeah? Grace: it's not gonna be like a thing Janis: nah I well fancy going in there and shouting my head off and all Grace: you know what I mean Janis: if you're outside then yeah, what am I gonna do Grace: I'm sorry Janis: at least you are okay this time Janis: I meant it when I said something's gonna happen though Grace: It won't even I'm so done Janis: alright, well you all say that when you feel like shit Janis: general you that time Grace: he's deleted Janis: 👌 Grace: Like, I'll obvs get new shitty exes but no need to go back here Janis: screenshot that one, yeah? Grace: 💜 Grace: he's not that cute, I was just over all the white boys Grace: no offense Janis: variety is the spice of life Janis: though literally no idea who that ginger you're talking about is Grace: I think he thinks you slept with his gf?? Grace: I set him straight on that, literally Janis: ha gutted i did that Janis: shh Grace: No way you would've, he showed me a pic & you can do so much better, babes Grace: trust Janis: awks Janis: poor ginge Grace: he wouldn't stop shouting at me like excuse me we're not the same person Grace: as if I'm gonna turn around and you're the back of my head Janis: you probably telepathically told me to do it though Janis: know what twins are like Grace: if she was cute, sure Janis: i don't think that helps us sound any less weird Janis: glad you went with a different clapback Grace: there's worse things than homewrecking someone that ugh Grace: but 👌👌 Janis: not taking that one for the team Janis: no matter how much of a cunt he was Janis: soz Grace: fine, wouldn't wanna risk barista boy's 💘 anyway Grace: a bitch but not that bitch Janis: shut up idiot Grace: he's so highkey 😍😍😍 & I think that's nice Janis: shame he ain't coming Janis: be hilarious if you said that to his face Janis: for me anyway Grace: I've seen enough PDA thank you Janis: you were definitely told to leave so Grace: I'm still mad at you btw Grace: & you can't make me leave a coffee shop, bitch Grace: I was mid ☕ Janis: that weren't my idea Grace: idc still 😱😱😱 Janis: your mates shouldn't bitch so loudly, like Grace: 🙄🙄 I know Grace: I'm so over it Janis: seems exhausting Janis: having to give a shit about what everyone else is up to all the time Grace: mhmmmmmm Janis: and just to be bitches Janis: seriously Grace: they're just hung up on you specifically cos every boy they want has asked you out & you said no Grace: boys they can't even get Grace: like it's your fault you're prettier than them Grace: when they have nobody to blame for how petty they are trying to be Grace: it's so boring & ridiculous!!! Janis: should fuck 'em just to really make it worth their rage but Janis: do you do it too, when it ain't me Grace: Ew no don't Grace: &? I know what I am, honey Janis: unlikely, reasons I said no Janis: I mean, it's probably easy to fall into that way of being Janis: like when you left all your shit at CG Grace: Okay no Grace: not talking about that with you ever Janis: why not, I literally had to give you your stuff Janis: we all know what it was Grace: exactly so we don't have to go there Janis: alright Grace: are you here or do I have time to kms? Janis: not trying to embarrass you Janis: and yeah not far Janis: this is just the longest street ever for some reason Grace: you should stop smoking with that boy Janis: please Grace: mhmm please do Janis: we're a long way from you giving anyone lectures Janis: let alone me Grace: it's still gross & you're already way thinner than me Janis: the ulterior motive comes out Janis: don't smoke enough for that, or lung disease, tah Grace: you can get fucked up by his sexy smoke rings, babes Grace: but sure Janis: that's 2nd-hand Janis: it's worse 'cos all the co2 you breathe out Janis: smoking yourself, way safer Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: I'll take it up then Janis: you'd have to get 'em off weird john Janis: no way you ain't getting ID'd Janis: any safety is dashed tbh, wouldn't bother if I were you Grace: excuse you literally have 19 year olds falling at my feet so Grace: well almost Janis: that like underage girls but sure Janis: probably ducked when he realised how virginal you ain't Grace: Yeah Grace: 2 years too late, sorry boy Janis: ick Janis: leave it out Grace: ????? Janis: that's too young Janis: it's depressing Grace: I know, I cried for like a week Janis: stop thinking about it now Janis: and chatting Janis: drive me to drink Grace: you can share this one Janis: alright, had enough earlier Janis: one of us should be vaguely sober Grace: did you sneak it into the fair while I was babysitting? Janis: ha Janis: after, went pub Grace: Oh okay Janis: did you think i was drunk Janis: was just a sugar high, like Grace: you left ASAP and I did when you got back Grace: literally wouldn't know Janis: did think it was a bit of a jump Grace: it's so rude that I can't get in anywhere & you can Janis: I'm tall Janis: and you've got a babyface Grace: like I said, so rude Janis: blame mum and dad Janis: neither of them brought it in the height department Grace: I blame avó, she's who I look like Grace: & she has that direct 🙏🙏🙏 line to god, obvs so Grace: she could have put in a word for me not to look like this Janis: get that you ain't meant to be a braggy cunt Janis: but bit of a slap in the face to call out one of his creations and say 'not again, thanks' Grace: 😂😂 Janis: also she'd give you a slap in the face for that one so let's hope she ain't in the kebab Grace: she'd wanna hit me for lots of things I do but Jesus loves a whore Grace: & she's never ate anywhere that isn't ours either Grace: doubly saved 🙌 Janis: 😏 Janis: not suggesting she's been out on the piss tbh Janis: it's late as hell and not midnight mass vibes, like Grace: if you're going that hard of the blood of christ, maybe just marry him tbh Janis: gutted she didn't Janis: probably can't dump your kid to be a nun though Janis: unfortunate for us all Grace: maybe I'll go become one Grace: can you vlog it? Janis: considering the vow of poverty, don't think you can show up with thousands worth of filming equipment, no Grace: tragic Janis: not even to mention all the others i think you'd struggle with Grace: well it's just mean if you don't tell me now Janis: come on then, I see you Janis: tell you all about it Grace: 👋 Grace: you look so pretty OMG Janis: let's not be texting and walking rn babe Grace: 👌👌👌

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castielartandcomics · 7 years

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OKAY. THE TIME HAS COME FOR THIS POST TO BE MADE. Even if it will be just a bunch of projects and me talking about them, it’s something I’ve been willing to do since a lot of time, mostly for a bit of self-esteem and to let you know that I’m actually working on stuff.

Since this will be a long post with some pictures, everything is under the cut! >:3

Honestly, I could start with a list of all the reasons why I haven’t been posting much, but the main reasons are low self-esteem and little to no time to do my stuff. School has been killing me slowly in the latest times, so the main reason why I post so little it’s actually academic work, nothing more and nothing less. ... this being said, let’s begin from what is REALLY interesting. >:3c

Gastertale

First of all, YES, I’m still working on Gastertale! And I’m extremly sorry for the long gap between the pages: the next page IS done, I just need to add dialogues, but I still haven’t for the simple reason that I don’t want to publish it only to make you wait other three months for another page. Hopefully soon I’ll return to have a bit of time, and at this point I’ll make pages more often and way better. I’ve improved a lot in this months, and despite there will probably be a little gap of style too between one page and another, I think I’ll be able to give you something more! My objective when I’ll restart to post it is to make at least one page a week and give a bit of a regular schedule, but about regularity it’s something that we’ll have to see (again, academic work). But hey, at least I’ll try to make you wait less than three months for the next page! </3

Plus, to confirm that something IS actually done:

preview, WOHOO!!

Sonic Humanitymorph & Sonic Battle Remastered

Basically. I want to draw more Sonic, and I want to draw him with a purpose. It’s... kind of a long story, but I’ll make it short for you because I don’t want to annoy you with melancholic and dramatic stuff (?). In a few words, I want to build new memories with Sonic and company, since my first memories are... kind of lost. I literally grew up with him, yet I remember little to nothing about his stories and about me in that period, and it’s something that makes me suffer a bit. SO! I’d really love to build new memories and honour a hero I’m really fond to, and I’d love to make this with you all! Since I also noticed that you really like my human!Sonic characters, so-! /)u(\

So, basically, the ideas are: MORE human characters. I still have your suggestions, I simply didn’t have the time to think about them, but I will surely do it! I’d love to make a lot more of the characters, if not all of them! And together with it, also another thing inspired by @slightly-gay-pogohammer‘s adaptation of Rayman “I’m Only Human”, which consist in adaptations of some of my favourite Sonic’s games, but in human form. And with some basic differences of course. I’m already working on it - my idea is of comics (as you could imagine, since I’m writing this on my art blog) but with a “much faster” style that will let me publish pages with a pretty fast rate (gotta go fast). Basically, sketches, and my sketches are very clean so the result should be pretty good. I’m working on Sonic Battle (which name will be Sonic Battle Remastered), which... SOMEHOW is still one of my favourite games of ALL TIMES, but in the list there’s also Sonic Riders Zero Gravity. And for the otheeerrrssss... well. I’m open to suggestions? :3

Rick and Morty: Kattebel

Remember him?

Rick I-T2B2, my personal interpretation of Rick Sanchez. WELP, I made him with a story in mind - and I actually thought of this verse’s versions of Morty, Summer, Jerry and Beth, even if I still haven’t drwan them because, again, freaking academic work. I’m tired, guys. What I have in mind with them is telling the story via comics, but in a slightly different way. I have little images with them, nothing that can be considered a full episode “worth” of a classic comic adaptation, that I think would be pretty cool if done in the simplest way, like a series of images without the need of making a full page. ... I’m not sure if I explained myself correctly, but in two word: SIMPLER STUFF. I’d love to make them, mostly because it’s a little and fun way of exploring this verse and its dinamics more than with just drawings of the characters. After all, I do want to tell you stories, and I should start to actually do it FOR GOOD, even in the simplest of ways! ... despite... yes, I actually have a more complex comic with Rick I-T2B2, about the “origin” of the condition of him and Morty (and by reflection of the whole family). So I think you can expect something bigger here too, despite it will be a MUCH shorter comic!

DEPONIA LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW

[FINGERGUNS] LET’S TALK ABOUT DEPONIA. First objective: actually finish the games. I have them since... a lot, and I still haven’t finished them for-- well, you know by now. An objective is surely to finally play the last two chapters and cry my eyes out, but we’re here for art, so here’s my project with Deponia:

first, drawing it more. Like... a lot more. I have many little ideas for illustrations and many others for little sequences that I think are pretty funny that I’d LOVE to do. I just need to DO THEM. Also, I have a whole lyricstuck in my mind with the Deponia series, and I’d love to make it! Or at least try, I’m not used to lyricstuck. But they’re so good,, Then, I have two projects comic related: one is... little stories. Pretty much it. Something probably of no more than five-ten pages long per story, little missing moments that might be interesting. And angsty, maybe, probably, I’m not sure. The other is... adaptation. Yes, at this point you might have noticed that I love adaptations. It’s just a little idea, but I’ve always found (probably because I’m a comic artist tbh) that the Deponia games would be... really good in comic format. And mostly for training I thought, “hey, I might try some!”. An idea would be of making the whole series as a comic, but I’m not really sure I can do it - but I’m pretty sure I can make little parts of it! It’s a project I had in mind for quite some months by now, and I remembered about it some days ago since I was looking in my folders and...

a WIP was found. Ten points and a biscuit to whoever guesses the scene. This will probably be mostly training, unless things change or something very cool happens. I lowkey dream sometimes that they’ll hire me, but. It’s just a dream. On the other hand, I might open suggestions for scenes to adapt in the games! uvu ... when I’ll finish the games.

Left 4 Dead 2

Am I late?... naaah. You don’t even have idea of how many ideas I have for this fandom, and all in comic form, just to make my life easier. I have no idea of when I might make these, but will probably be sketchy, pencil stuff, and I will enjoy every moment of them. Boy, I love these characters. I want to tell stories with them,

Oxygen Not Included

I HAVE. A STORY IN MIND. And it will be long, angsty, harsh and tragic probably. I don’t have any WIP nor I can tell many details at the moment because,, I guess it would be spoiler? But, it will be an experiment and something that it’ll be interesting for me to try! All that is needed to understand is,, when I’ll be able to make it, honestly-

And for something less comic-y: references

Because I realized I often post sketches, but not actual references of my OCs. I mean fullbodies fully coloured, with palettes and objects and STUFF. It will be a pretty funny thing for me to do, because the versions I’ll give you of my OCs will be slightly different from the “final” version I’ll show you when I’ll be able to tell you their story - because YUP, I’m working on those too, but for now it’s still a very big work in progress, so I’m still not ready to show you stuff. ;3c But basically, an objective of mine is references. Make those darn characters references with nice palettes and cool stuff, so that you’ll actually have,, at least some more infos than a black and white sketch. ... and a good reference in case you want to draw them? I don’t know just,, dreaming a little bit,, I’ll make the references for the OCs I’ve published (so most probably the ones I’ve put and will put more on @mcmentics, because I’ll surely add someone else in there soon), and after making Leda’s reference sheet (because Gio requested him to be the first >:3c) I might put it “to the vote” to decide in which order make all the others. <3 ... or simply go and make them all with the order I want. I don’t know. Let’s see what the future will offer us. <3

And those other projects?

SECRETS (?) But actually, I have told you just the main projects I have. Some (many, actually) I’ll keep as a secret for now, some are just too vague to make a post about it. But, another project is surely to livestream more! Again, I’ll need to see when I’ll have some time, but as for now I’m starting to have some free moments for myself, and I’d love to share them with you! >:3

AAAAND okay, this post got really really long. </3 Sorry, I thought I would have been much faster, but I had so much to say, haha- I’m sorry if something isn’t explained very good, I’m a bit tired after waking up at 5am for academy (and it’s 10.30pm now so,,), but in case something interests you and you wish more infos, my inbox is always open!! <3

Have a wonderful day/afternoon/evening for now, and hopefully,, I’ll start to make something BIG soon! :D Thank you for reading! <3

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