#That expression basically sums up his entire life

[juniperhillpatient]

Yeah it pisses me off just how people even talk about Ashley, like it’s her fault for even existing, like it’s a crime that she needs someone to take care of her or love her, they honestly sound like an in world npc instead of an audience member who can see the characters fully. Most of these people also talk about it like they’re making some well rounded analysis but it’s just a shallow shit take that miss characterizes everything, even the obvious details they get right they interpret the wrong way, I guess that’s the price to pay for complex characters who have a range of feelings and expressions

Exactly!!!

I think it’s interesting the way even people who are more sympathetic to Ashley still default to seeing her the way the characters within the story view her - as a burden for ever committing the crime of being born. That’s what it comes down to & that’s exactly part of the horror of the game. Of course it’s fantasy & there’s demons & it gets crazy but ultimately - the Graves family feel real because they’re relatable in the darkest ways & THATS good horror. Who hasn’t felt like maybe their parents resent them for being born? Who hasn’t felt like they’re becoming the worst parts of their parents? It’s a horribly sad story about unbreakable cycles of abuse & you just simply cannot analyze it without getting that. (Disclaimer: I have a wonderful family myself but I find stories of messed up families relatable in a human way & just fascinating to delve into).

I’m forever fascinated by characters who never had any chance but to be exactly what they are - who might just be impossible to save because of their actions but they never had any chance to make different choices.

Ashley might not be a good person but what chance did she have to be one? Her mother resented her the moment she realized not all kids are quiet & do as they’re told all the time like Andrew & her brother tried his best but of course he resented her - he was told to always give her whatever she wanted & basically live to raise her because her parents didn’t want to.

I actually liked the essay I was referencing overall & I will share it now (just not from the OP who shared it on Tumblr where I found it lol)

Here it is X. I do like the part especially about how Ashley loves Andrew like a brother, like a friend, & like a parent. That really sums it up, doesn’t it? He is everything to her because she never had anyone else.

Ashley Graves is such a complicated & sad character. She’s so tragic, doomed from the moment she’s born. I can’t for the life of me relate to people who talk about her like she’s a monster, missing the point entirely & like you said talking just like the characters within the game!

Anyway thanks for the ask 🖤

[mingos]

【 h.c. 】 ー doflamingo's crocodile fixation

　there have been exactly two characters in the entire series who have turned down an invitation to work with doflamingo and it's perhaps the most revealing detail about him as a characterーbecause he's thrown an absolute tantrum over it every single time. he despises it:

「 一番嫌いなことを覚えてるか？見下されることだ。」 "do you remember what i hate more than anything? to be looked down on."

　but, what does 'being looked down on' mean to a narcissistic sociopath? well, basically anything that doesn't involve doing exactly as they say and thinking they're the greatest person you've ever met. and you can't tell him 'no', especially if he's the one expressing interest in you/offering you something. both crocodile & law broke that rule, and he immediately tried to murder both of them. he hates them for it. 'if i can't have you, nobody can' and all that. psychotic child behavior.

but the thing that fascinates me the most in law's case is, despite his consistent refusal to take the heart seat & his actively trying to murder doflamingo for 100+ episodes straight, the entirety of the dressrosa arc can be summed up as "doflamingo is really, really, really obsessed with law". he cannot let go of the fact that law has turned him down and (even worse) decided to idolize his inferior brother instead of him. he wants to kill him, he's furious at him over his betrayal... but also but also tells law no less than five times how "disappointed" he is in himーincluding once where he doesn't think law is trying hard enough to kill him. but that's a post for another day because there are a lot of layers to his & law's relationship.

but basically, despite them having exactly two interactions in canon over ten years ago, doflamingo's obsessive fixation with law not being obsessively fixated on him gives me a generally good idea of how they would interact.

　doflamingo is a narcissist with an incredibly inflated view of himself. he doesn't need people to validate him emotionally (although, having sycophants around is nice) because his opinion of himself already can't be any higher. but when you don't feed into that, he ironically becomes both obsessed with your approval, and obsessed with ruining your life when you don't give him said approval.

doflamingo has a crocodile fixation.

[k00299539]

LSAD Seminar 02: 3D Studies with Elaine Riordan - Part 2 (I ran out of space edition)

This was originally all included in my last post on the 3D Studies seminar, but I ran up against the "30 images per post" limit that our cruel overlords imposed upon us. Basically I want to run through the seven elements of 3D studies outlined in the seminar and share an artist, found through my own research, who I feel exemplifies that particular element.

Form

Louise Bourgeois

Louise Bourgeois is so renowned it almost feels like cheating to include her on a list like this, especially given the breadth of her work, incorporating many disciplines and techniques in her work. I chose Bourgeois for "form" as I feel she pushed the boundaries of what could be considered "form" as much as any artist ever has. Utilising mirrors like canvases, for example, makes us question where the form of a given piece lies. Similarly incorporating other elements such as structure, location, and space allowed her to express ideas in an entirely new way, unburdened by a dogmatic sense of what form "should" be. In this way Bourgeois' work broadened our understanding of what form.

Structure

Georges Vantongerloo

Georges Vantongerloo was a Belgian abstract sculptor and founding member of the "De Stijl" or Neoplasticism movement. Proponents of De Stijl advocated pure abstraction and universality by a reduction to the essentials of form and colour; they simplified visual compositions to vertical and horizontal, using only black, white and primary colors. This idea of using reduction to find an underlying meaning led him to explore structure in his art. Vantongerloo never achieved major success in life and is often considered to have been too devoted to his movement. But through his sacrificial nature we gained insight into the pure structural nature of art, and the truth and beauty found therein.

Texture

Anni Albers

"Besides surface qualities, such as rough and smooth, dull and shiny, hard and soft, textiles also includes colour, and, as the dominating element, texture, which is the result of the construction of weaves. Like any craft it may end in producing useful objects, or it may rise to the level of art."

A quote from the woman herself sums it up better than I ever could. Anni Albers is one of the most important textile artists there ever was. Her work elevated the standing of textile work in the art world and paved the way for the many artists to appear in her wake. Like many who work with 3D, she blurred the lines between art and design, gaining recognition for the traditionally feminine world of "craft" often excluded from the wider art world.

Volume

Bruno Catalano

Bruno Catalano is a Italian-French sculptor best known for his sculptures of figures with substantial sections missing. In my previous post I described the concept of "volume" in 3D studies as having to do with negative space, we must perceive an absence of some kind to truly grasp the volume of something. Much like the visual hollow of a glass informs its volume, Catalano's sculptures express volume specifically through their substantial missing portions. We as observers are forced to contemplate the "how" of a work, in such a way we would never need to with a conventional sculpture. Similarly Catalano's common practice of clothing his sculptures in everyday attire achieves the same effect in an additive manner, rather than a subtractive approach.

Weight

Sheila Hicks

Sheila Hicks is another who could reasonably be argued to define basically every element on this list. Her work is similar in ways to Anni Albers, whom I placed on this list under the category of "Texture". While Hicks works undoubtedly deals with texture, as it does sculpture, colour, and narrative among others, what has always stood out to me first and foremost about her work is it's sheer weight. Hicks is particularly known for the contrast in the scale of her works, ranging from minute to massive. What intrigues me though is how through her work, we see the minute become the massive. Common, lightweight elements like wool and string become enormous behemoths, stacked like rocks in galleries or flowing like waterfalls through ceiling installations. There are many artists who work with heavy material but few who convey weight regardless of material.

Space

Chiharu Shiota

Chiharu Shiota was my immediate pick to exemplify the element of "space". Her work is not location-specific as it can be rearranged and displayed throughout many galleries but it is absolutely space-specific. Her installations dominate the space they occupy like few others. Shiota's work leverages the element of space to create ideas around the body and flesh, territory, and alienation. I feel there's not much else I can write here other than I'd love to visit an installation of hers one day and see the sheer scale of the space for myself.

Location

Lady Pink

I chose Lady Pink for the element of "location" as her signature graffiti work is deeply tied to her hometown of New York City and her identity therein. She began her career in graffiti in 1979 after the loss of her boyfriend, tagging his name across the city. I wrote in my last post that my understanding of location as an element, is that it's deeply attached to a work's context. Something so inextricably linked it would lose meaning were it removed from it's location. From the beginning Lady Pink's work has been inextricable from her life in New York.

[monte-charlo]

Pierre has a 9th house stelium. the 9th house relates to spirtuality and religion. literally designated catholic at birth.

but no 9th house also rules over ethics, higher education, travel, morality..also associated with luck. the common denominator for all these facets of the ninth house is the search for MEANING. anyway, Pierre's stellium here represents a desire to learn, travel, experience new things. all 9th house facets are in some ways a major focus of his life. Stellium in the 9th, as well as emphasising strong focus on spirituality and religion, also highlights a strong desire for self realisation through travel and living abroad. His stellium covers aquarius and capricorn and is made up of uranus, midheaven, neptune, and mercury. Pierre's neptune in this stellium implies relationships with mentors and those in positions of authority in his learning have turned sour due to poor motives/being taken advantage of by those in positions of authority. analysing steliums is so hard especially since Pierre's stelium covers 4 placements and 2 signs :(

i'm not 100% about this like i literally went and read A BOOK for this but capricorn stellium implies being extremely ambitious and work driven, to the extent of being a workaholic and work can begin to encroach onto and negatively effect other parts of life if not careful. In the capricon portion of Pierre's stellium is mercury, one of the more 'personal' planets - this highlights an even more profound personal effect of capricorn on his life. Capricorn focus also implies a need for strong connections to family, community, and a strong support network. Air may be the dominant element in Pierre's chart (and makes up the second half of this stellium) but the strong capricorn presence here functions as a balancing factor to help ground the air sign. aquarius stellium implies heavy, unapolagetic individualism - makes one very sociable but also probably rather strange. so anyway aquarius nonsense since it is also his sun sign: confidence, uniqueness, need for freedom, trendsetter, an expert in their given field...

anyway due to his stellium, pierre has LOTS of empty houses (12th, 1st - other than asc cusp -, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 7th). of the 14 placements im looking at, half of them are concentrated in 3 houses (houses 8,9,10). this highlights a domination of outwards perception in life - very outgoing, relationships are very important, etc. so basically his personal identity quadrants are almost entirely empty and his social identity/social expression quadrants are extremely full. implies to an extent a lack of introspection and a focus on others - both in relationships and in providing for others. empty houses don't mean it doesn't factor into an individuals life, just that it isn't a focus. maybe there's been less need for attention in these areas as it comes naturally/was already there. for example, in the case of pierre's empty 4th house, it implies a strong family foundation and a supportive family life. there's less conflict here so it needs less focus. oh and pierre having an empty 12th house is actually seen as auspicious. one website aptly summed an empty 12th house as "good sex life and travels abroad". we have broken pierre down to the barest components !! empty 3rd house can mean ease in communication and expression. empty 1st and 2nd house mostly implies an ease in presenting yourself to others and an.. ease with finances ? or lack of desire to focus on/accumulate wealth.

However, when looking at his chiron we can see that pierre's focus on relationships and others does often come at the detriment of the self - and that a lack of focus on the self can be a point of pain and self sacrifice. empty house analysis is somewhat convoluted people have different opinions. some people think empty 12th house means no guardian angels :/ OVERALL, having so many empty houses is fundamentally a fairly good thing as it represents a decisive life focus and concentrated attention on certain areas. lol i suddenly feel so insecure abt sending these in theyre so wordy sorry 😭😭

Aha this is so super interesting!

“Good sex life and travels abroad” the tl:dr summation of Monsieur Gasly, i love that for him 😘

[nefariousrat]

chainsaw man deep dive: chapter 1

warning: there will be spoilers for the entire manga since this is a rereading. all aspects of csm will be discussed in full detail.

two words basically sum up chapter 1: "poor denji".

the first thing i noticed that i didn't pay as much attention to during my first read through is how fujimoto added the physical details of denji's less than ideal condition: he's thin and bony, and has undereye circles. it fits where we find denji at this point of time; starving, sick with the illness that killed his mother, and recovering from illegal organ extraction procedures to cover his late father's debt.

beyond that, we're immediately introduced to the 3 important themes in denji's life summed up briefly here: the things a person wants and the things a person needs in order to live well and happily.

these themes are:

money

stability

love/acceptance/validation, which I'll just shove under the umbrella of "unconditional love"

these three needs motivate every interaction denji has with the world around him.

money

denji is essentially a slave to the yakuza who will kill him if he tries to escape the immense debt his father left him with. he has no family, no role models, no education, and yet he doesn't seem as bitter as you'd think someone in his situation would be. and that's because of pochita, who is not only a devil contracted to him but loyal family. they live together, work together, and dream of a better life together.

despite all of his troubles, denji's characterization is made known to us through the words of the people around him. he's obedient (and described as such numerous times in chapter 1 alone) and grateful even when he doesn't need to be.

he's also naive and loyal, and is aware of the inevitability of his situation.

stability

this goes without saying. denji wants what most people would consider the bare minimum. a roof over his head, basic food (toast and jam), and to act his age (stay in his room and play games).

but he has none of this, so pochita listens to him intently, doing what he can to ease denji's burdens. pochita is awesome emotional support.

unfortunately, to make matters worse, denji's life gets cut even shorter when he suddenly starts coughing up blood. he doesn't even have time to process that he's got his mother's terminal illness before he's called over by his yakuza handler to hunt another devil.

this is precarious balance between denji's idealism and his inevitable short, brutal death is shown really poignantly in the panel below. all denji wants is to just be able to hold onto the illusion that things can be alright as long as he keeps chipping away. it doesn't matter that he'll most likely die young, whether it's because he's an amateur devil hunter, or at the hands of the yakuza, or by his mother's sickness, or his body giving out from the starvation and surgeries. he only wants his three basic needs met.

unconditional love

fujimoto is clever about how he portrays this, in that he never explicitly states what denji wants. maybe it would be more accurate to say that he doesn't allow denji to know what he himself truly wants. fujimoto leaves it to us to do the math.

this is refreshing since a lot of manga, shounen in particular, are afraid to let the audience think.

fujimoto's choice to introduce denji this way serves to beat an important trait that foreshadows a twist we see at the end of part 1.

it tell us that denji isnt very self aware, and that its in some ways unintentionally, but in other ways it absolutely is.

denji is young, naive despite his exposure to the worst of the world, and he's the type to put the worst experiences into a tiny little box deep within his mind.

or, more accurately, lock it behind a door.

this is how denji copes with his life. this is how he's survived. and so far it's served him well. if he were to think hard on the terrible things he's done and has been forced to do, he'd crumble. fujimoto expresses this from the very first chapter in a very unique, humane manner.

im going to go so far as to say its particularly refreshing to see such depth given to a male protagonist. it defies genre tropes and expectations.

now, to slightly shift gears a bit, denji's sexual desires are, from the very beginning, indistinguishable from any other desire he has to connect, particularly with women. fujimoto's usage of the pervert trope is a fantastic way to introduce denji's complex, heavy, and tragic character to an audience without boring them with angst. it also allows for maximum usage of the medium to show the various ways human connection can be explored. even more significant is that we get to see this through the lens of someone who has limited social conditioning, a high degree of plasticity, and little understanding of what himself and what he ultimately desires.

I'll continue to expand on this later.

denji the dog

funnily enough, everything we've been shown about denji are classical traits of dogs. i didnt think much of these comparisons during my first read because "mongrel", for example, is a fairly common insult thrown around, especially in anime. but fujimoto chooses his words carefully (although i unfortunately cant read japanese so im relying on translations), and these choices are multifaceted with long-reaching narrative implications.

basically, if you know you know. since this is only the first chapter I'll just move on until there's a more appropriate time to elaborate.

the warehouse

denji's life could not get worse, except it did because he died. and it was NOT a peaceful death.

i get that this was necessary for the plot to move forward but for all the shit the yakuza made denji go through, this just feels like a piss poor call.

i guess if he's really sure he can make that much more money giving up his bodily autonomy to the zombie devil for some level of strength, go ham. knowing the public safety bureau would get on his ass would be enough deterrent if i were him, though.

either way, denji dies, and pochita is tossed with him like garbage into the dumpster. pochita, loyal companion that he is, uses his energy to permanently merge with denji as his heart. pochita is now denji's life force. and for the second time, they form a contract.

pochita grew to truly love denji and selflessly wishes for him to realize his dreams and live happily.

once they're fused, chainsaw man is born.

and then we get a hilarious reaction from the ZOMBIE devil, who is unironically disgusted as denji's zombified state:

a great moment of levity.

also this dude:

classy.

now we get some incredible, gory shots of what's essentially chaotic ultraviolence as denji rips through the zombies like paper.

and finally, as denji stands alone in the darkness of the warehouse, tired and victorious, the sun begins to rise and in comes makima.

makima the angel?

i really love this panel. the way the men are standing behind makima, the long shadows, the chaos of the battle. its just really well done.

most importantly though, is this last panel:

denji in the darkness, makima stepping into the shadow with him.

the pages leading up to this play with light in a fantastic way. fujimoto uses the visual medium of the manga to show us that makima is eerie, sinister, and even confusing. she's charming but cruel, and she doesn't care to hide it.

she doesn't need to. everyone loves her anyway.

and now that makima is about to make all of denji's dreams come true, so does he.

[mojaves]

know, meet strange, and loss for sebastian 👀

it feels like you reached into his brain and picked out the perfect questions for him. i am going insane already thank you

Know: How well does your OC know themself—their wants, their goals, their motivations? Do they engage in any sort of self-reflection? Is there anything about themself they willfully ignore?

as much as he likes to think he knows himself, he really doesnt - outright refuses to acknowledge that he's mentally and physically exhausted most of the time, ignores his body when it's in pain, and on the off chance he decides to pay attention to it, he won't do anything about it. and it's entirely because of 1] how he was brought up, with his father convincing him from a VERY young age that expressing discomfort, or really any emotion, and getting injured was a sign of Failure and a Weakness. so he basically grew up terrified of trying to get to know himself in any capacity. and 2] arasaka taking advantage of all of that, because they knew he would completely ignore any injuries he may get in a fight and just keep going until his whole body falls apart, which is. absolutely terrifying for anyone having to witness that. to say the least. to sum all of That up, he's pretty much been on autopilot for most of his life, not once stopping along the way to make sure he's alright. but when he gets divorced, and later nearly killed + leaves arasaka, things finally start changing for him. VERY small steps of course. but it finally happens. eventually. one day.

Meet Strange: What's the most memorable way your OC has ever met a new person? Was it a good experience? Bad experience? Just plain weird? How's their relationship with that person now?

basically every single time he encountered the assassin arasaka hired to kill him. which happened a lot more often than you'd expect. from an assassin. whose sole purpose. is to kill seb. and while it wasn't a good experience by any stretch. it wasn't Bad?? either?? because. for starters, gets him out of the base he works at so he's not just doing paperwork 24/7, more exercise, every day he wakes up alive is a fun surprise, and whatever happens after that is a bonus. plus he gets to occasionally encounter a pretty guy who wants to kill him. the bad [multiple very bad injuries for both parties, sleepless nights worrying he's going to die, emotional, mental, physical exhaustion. to name a few] far outweighs the good. but. the prettyboy part of it makes it juuuust a little more bearable. so. to answer the first bit. good. bad. AND weird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and you'll never guess what happens next [you cant] [many years later they end up getting married] [if you can believe it]

Loss: Is there anyone important to your OC who has passed away? How did they handle the loss?

oueriughrasfkujghagdghdsgdsghg this one is killing me dead on the ground. kieran, one of the gang's netrunners, died while on the job and seb did NOT handle it well. even a little bit. big breakdown followed by barely talking/moving for an entire week. bc kieran was like a son to him, like a younger brother, who reminded him SO much of his own brother, which explains why seb was always so protective of him. he's not home anymore to keep his own brother safe. and then he couldn't keep this kid safe either, in the end. am i going to chew live wires now?? you bet i am!!!!!

[lyrebright]

Hi!! Read your recent fic, it’s so good! But about the AN, may I ask why you didn’t like the ending of the game, if it’s not too much?

Hi! I'm glad you liked my fic. And sure, I can give you an answer--I'll do my best to not just start ranting angrily because honestly thinking about it makes me want to start crying again.

I'll post it under a cut because Xenoblade Chronicles 3 is still so new--if you haven't beaten the game, don't click on it, because here there be spoilers.

So the thing is. Xenoblade 3?

This is basically how I felt about the game. The setting, the style, the cast...it all felt like it was made for me. It was, genuinely, a perfect 100 for me until the last five minutes.

Let me try to be concise as I explain this.

The main issues I take with the ending can basically be summed up as:

It comes out of nowhere.

It betrays the themes of the game.

As the intended finale of the Xenoblade Chronicles trilogy it falls immensely short because of a mix of all these other points.

Considering the endings the XBC1 and XBC2 casts got, this one really feels like a slap in the face.

It, and I cannot express this enough, makes everything you do pointless. None of it mattered, it was all for nothing.

Now, let me explain these points in more depth:

It comes out of nowhere.

Maybe some gigachads with universe brains could sense where this was headed, but I could not. I think this was part of the issue, honestly--it felt to me sort of as if they wanted it to be a twist emotional gutpunch, and thus never telegraphed it to the player, leading to the player being caught off guard entirely.

What I thought would happen is that we would simply reclaim Origin and continue on in Aionios, rebuilding and experiencing life not on a timer. It seemed to me that the issue was that Z had taken control of Origin and frozen Aionios in stasis, not that the worlds needed to split again. It honestly came out of left field and took me out of what should have been an emotional moment, a triumphant moment, as I scrambled to understand what the hell was going on.

It betrays the themes of the game.

This is one of the big ones for me. XBC3 claims itself to be a game about life, and yes, it is--but it's about grief and moving on, it's about the past and letting it go, it's about facing the future you chose and fighting for the freedom to choose in the first place.

And yet, in the end, there is no choice. Against their will, the people of Aionios are split apart, after finally uniting. And yet, in the end, it's not the future that is chosen, because everything resets back to fucking zero. But I'll get more into that in another point.

As the intended finale of the Xenoblade Chronicles trilogy it falls immensely short because of a mix of all these other points.

I can tell you that when I finish a game, I want to leave it satisfied, if not happy. And when I finish a series, I want to leave it the same way.

At the ending of Xenoblade 3, I was in disbelief and shock. I was sending messages to my friends on discord in complete rage. I was sobbing in my bed at midnight and crying myself to sleep not because of the cathartic release of emotion I like to experience from fiction, but because I felt like the game had just stabbed me in the back. There was no closure, and there was definitely no happiness. I was excited, to go into the "postgame" and pick up Nia and Melia, to finish my sidequests and hero ascensions. To fill out the rest of my maps and fight the remaining unique monsters. To try my hand at the superbosses.

I was excited for these things, prior to beating the final boss and seeing the final cutscene. After that, I just felt hollow. I haven't picked up the game since and I know I won't for a while because I'll get angry and upset again, because What's The Point, Really? I'll elaborate on this more in my last point. But basically, for a minute there, when I beat the game, I wished I could rewind time and never finish it. I wished I could wipe my memory of the ending and stay in side content limbo forever. No ending that makes me feel like that is a good one.

Considering the endings the XBC1 and XBC2 casts got, this one really feels like a slap in the face.

Shulk and his friends get to live amongst a new, unified world and work together towards the future. It ends open ended, but happily.

Rex and his friends get to live amongst a new, unified world and work together towards the future. It ends open ended, but happily.

Noah, Mio, Eunie, Taion, Lanz, and Sena do not get a happy ending. The people of Aionios do not get a happy ending. They are no longer frozen in a cycle, but they are torn apart, reset to zero, and don't even get to keep their memories. You can say it ended open ended if you want, but I can't see anything about this that is happy for them.

It, and I cannot express this enough, makes everything you do pointless. None of it mattered, it was all for nothing.

This is the big one. The one that really, above all else, makes me so upset.

The sidequests of rebuilding colonies, of learning to farm. Of liberating these colonies and getting the people of Agnus and Keves to work together and be friends. None of it matters, because none of it stays. What's the point in going back and finishing these sidequests and having the characters interact with each other when I know there's no point, because it's all going to get erased?

This is what I mean, about it betraying its own themes. This was it. Aionios was the world where life could have walked together hand in hand, as soon as they took that life back from Moebius. Aionios was real and lived in and loved and they made you love it too, only to take it all away and wind everything back to the start.

For a game about walking into the future, it sure couldn't let go of the past.

So that's it, basically. That's why I hate the ending. It's why XBC3 is, a little, ruined for me. I still love the cast and world and everything about the plot before that final reveal of the ending. But I can't help but feel bitter about it now. And it might take me a while to ever want to play it again.

If you or anyone else liked the ending, that's fine. But I can't. Not ever.

Thanks for the ask♡

[soloorganaas]

re: jkr and bigotry, not really about class but. i remember when the whole 2020 wave of anti jkr happened and i was torn somewhere in-between bc i didn't know what was happening. and then i watched contrapoints video about jkr and it was so eye opening i think it kind of changed the course of my life lmao. the bigotry that's seemingly unaware of itself - taking advantage of the more compassionate. wild. thank you for that meta post it was sooo great i will be thinking about it for days now.

ahh ty for sharing this!!! writing about this stuff is so hard and i used to feel like i was the only one who felt this way and maybe making it up in my head, so all the comments and responses have been so validating 😌

bigotry that's unaware of itself sums her up perfectly. i never watched the contrapoints vid (i've pinned it for later) and honestly i can't even remember how i found out about this, bc i guess it wasn't really finding out? i just became more and more aware of it through queer and/or jewish communities (bc of how antisemitic she is as well)

i started re-reading the books bc i went to hp world and got super nostalgic, and obvs i came in with 30 years of learning and growing, as well as everything i understood about her by then, and was v aware of the more obvious problematic tropes in her books. but it wasn't until i got involved in wolfstar that i was able to unpack the subtler things that are woven into her writing

i remember reading some great meta right when i joined wolfstar tumblr about her reaction to wolfstar and the fandom after the books became popular, and that sort of alerted me to how deliberately she clapped back against her fans when her characters ran away with her. then the more fic i read the more i saw how bipolar sirius was presented as, and how much class was woven into his story and wolfstar and MWPP generally. and i've just been mulling it over for months and months slowly putting it into words bc it is SUCH a real experience for me and kids i grew up with. i've seen dumbledores and mollys and had the same insults and "expressions of concern" thrown at me, and it literally haunts you for your entire life. and its bc of the same subtle bigotry woven passive aggressively into social dynamics that jkr follows, which gets fucking reemphasised every time we see read/see stories like this

and as it still happens today and me and people like me still face this shit and basically no one understands its happening (in fiction or irl) unless we carefully explain it, im gonna keep doing that. and im v grateful for everyone who's been so receptive, and v happy (in a bittersweet way) that so many bipolar people i've seen in the comments got their experiences validated too

[seeingteacupsindragons]

What are your thoughts on unreliable narrators, and how would you go about writing one?

Anon, you are either one of the new people here, or you are asking this to ask a question/see what I do. Because I talk about this. Constantly. It's one of my favorite things, and I honestly think all narrators should be unreliable in some way, because all humans are biased and are unreliable in some way in our interpretation of things.

It's part of developing a strong narrator, a strong character whose perspective you're in, and a strong voice. In my opinion.

Here's a post that basically sums up most of my thoughts.

Heck, here's me talking about it in 2015 with some very short, probably unhelpful, tips.

I think what you really want to do, when writing an unreliable narrator, is have the narrative actually contradict what the character's thoughts/opinions are. Or have entirely valid differences of opinion expressed.

One of my older characters (I first wrote him when I was about 15, although he wasn't an unreliable narrator at the time), and one of the protagonists of the first book I queried...wasn't actually the narrating perspective of the book. But he was a traumatized teenager, and so sometimes things he explained about his family or how magic worked for him, were just...not true? Because he was a kid and wasn't privy to everything.

So, I had the actual narrating character parrot some of this information to other people, because he believed it, and other people, who had different information about the situation would be like, "Wait, what? That's not true," and the actual...things happening in the work would bear out that that way he thought things worked were not...true. He managed to blame someone he admitted to having always disliked for his brother's death, and it was going to be addressed a couple books later that, like, it's not actually that person's fault and he, a grieving teenager who lost his brother, found a way to blame someone he already resented. That's a very human thing to do. But it doesn't make it true.

And one of my more recent ones was a witch in a modern day setting. He was convinced his familiar was a demon (and all familiars were), and referred to him as such. One of his friends was raised with a different relationship to magic, and thought familiars were guardian spirits. One of them has to be wrong. Neither is ever proven wrong. But both are entirely valid interpretations of the situation.

Because if you're writing an unreliable narrator, at some point the reader actually has to know they're not entirely trustworthy. Maybe it's not the narrator's fault and they're not malicious. But reality as it happens in the story needs to conflict with what they're saying.

I don't understand how a character could narrate a story without those warping it in some way.

Sometimes, this might read like a plot hole (especially to inexperienced readers), but I would argue this is a different thing. This isn't the events of a story contradicting each other or themselves. This is the events of a story contradicting what a character said. And it's important to keep these distinct.

And I like to write arguments where both characters are kind of right and both characters are kind of wrong, the way...most disagreements in real life probably are. People are just sort of messy and bring their own biases and opinions into everything.

[habitat-enrichment]

Parasolverse by Gail Carriger

As a general concept, I cannot express how much I adore every series in this universe. Each series has a cast of interesting and dislikeable characters, and there's a nice sprinkling of LGBT characters. That said - there are some problems. Some of which are centered around the author's world building continuity, and some of which are centered around narrative issues in the audiobooks.

Since the narrative issues are mostly personal preference and not critical to the consumption of the books, let's discuss that first and then move on to the meat and potatoes of the situation. I absolutely understand that it's not feasible or even sometimes desirable for extended universe's like this to have one consistent narrator. I do not understand how people get paid to narrate a series in the midst of an extended universe and don't even bother to listen to name pronunciations in the other books, or to learn anything about the characters. It's annoying enough that we apparently can't agree on a single pronunciation for Lord Akeldama (sp), but in the Custard Protocol series the narrator literally CHANGES THE NATIONALITY of a character by giving an Italian accent to a dandy who has never in his life left London and is **not** Italian. It takes a character readers have spent 5+ books with and completely changes the entire perception of him in a way that is not a good representation of the books.

Now, the continuity issues within the books themselves are significant enough that it seems ironic to complain about narrator continuity issues. From this point on, there will be spoilers.

I'm only going to be discussing the full length novels, not any of the novellas.

The Finishing School [FS] series which introduces us to the series is a solid, entertaining read that I have basically no complaints about.

The Parasol Protectorate series follows the 20's portions of the life of, we can safely assume, the child Sophronia was hired to to guard at the end of the previous series. All good there. Lord Akeldama is a delight. Alexia is a likeable yet flawed main character.

My only real continuity mention in this series is that Sidheag and Vieve seem to not know each other? But potentially they're shamming because its the sort of thing they learned in FS.

The Custard Protocol is particularly fun because we are seeing the aetheric science of the future that was discussed in FS, and we see many returning characters from FS. That said... We have some issues here, y'all.

1. The Alpha's Curse: the author sped things up to make a more tidy and exciting timeline. It was unnecessary. Lord Maccon could have retired to Egypt in dignity, and would have, had the progression of the curse gone according to previously established parameters.

2. The LeFoux preservation tank: in the PP series kept Madame Lefoux from FS in ghost form for *years*, and yet Formerly Floot is a ghost for months at most. At the end of the series, Q says the preservation tank was inspired by Rue disliking baths but this is inaccurate, as the original and apparently significantly better designed tank was invented many years before Rue's birth.

These problems can ultimately be summed up in the same way: if you're going to make the "science" and call it such, you cant change it willy nilly just to make your timeline more dramatic.

3. Timelines - Ivy Tunstall was not a girl at the same time as Genevieve L, they should be approximately ~10 years apart in age.

[babygirlsthoughtsexactly]

It's been way too long since I last posted. So fucking much has happened since.. so I'll do a basic sum up but eventually will all come to light as I post in the future. DADDY got arrested.. at home.. and much like last time I felt lost and abandoned (apparently I have abandonment issues, at least that's what I have recently learned) but unlike last time I kick into hustle mode. Fear of providing for myself inadequately and keeping my promise to provide my full support given such the situation occur since last time I was a horrible human being and pretty much just left him in jail and moved on with my life. I never realized how shitty that was until I was in jail a few months later and even though he shouldn't have, he was there for me. The most important thing that I forgot to mention.. I expressively promised him that I would wait for him. No matter what. Not even for survival. I never hesitated. Why would I? After all, all I have ever wanted was him and me and that loyalty. I was a much better person than I was when he met me. I was changing, or so I thought. The whole day leading up to when he got arrested it had been detox from dope and drink a lot kind of day. Immediately I started trying to do whatever I could to get high, because how else would I cope with the fact that (without any doubt) Daddy would be incarcerated for at LEAST a couple of months. Anxiety and fear set in while I tried to figure out where I would go or if I would be able to stay in his tent given the fact that I'm not really wanted here and everything is DIFFERENT without him in the equation. Later that night I headed to taco bell to pick up some burritos cause I was starving and we had absolutely no food and he did not leave his food stamp card. As I was headed back I ran into MO. Who really didn't want to talk to me, but I knew he could guide me into survival at least. Anyways, getting what I wanted I headed back home. Most of the time that he was in jail I never wanted to leave our bed. I'd get my self meds then bring it home to do by myself. I guess I let it all get to me.. the hustling.. the drugs.. the freedom.. fear. Somewhere I had forgotten who I was because I did the ONE FUCKING thing that I will fucking regret for the rest of my life. I was trying so hard to get money to put on his books (cause that's what I wanted the most when I was in jail) and I guess I got wrapped in the game. It's amazing how you can destroy so much in so little time. Everything I have fought to become and everything that I wanted my future to be.. DESTROYED.. ultimately for absolutely nothing. The dude was a creep and I had been dodging him for days (even was a little scared at one point because he was so persistent). Hands down the worst sex I have had in my ENTIRE LIFE. I literally kept begging to quit. What's fucked up is how I didn't even have to since MO was providing me all the free meds I could do. From this point out he is no longer known as MO it's more like NFM. NFM supported my habit, got nothing from me in return, and as it turns out is not the person I thought he was ( everytime). Someone stated they need all my attention so I will continue at a later point.

[the-spam-specialist]

So while ago, I had to think “what could I do to make my Organic!Orvus’s life even harder......I’ll take his fucking arm off.”

And then I drew it with this (#2) as a reference

So basically, an organic running the Great Clock is dangerous as hell. Something bad was gonna happen eventually. He tried to take out a Teratrope nest on his own and long story short, he lost his arm to the pesky little shits. So a flexible and multi-purpose prosthetic one was made by the Zoni. So there you go, that’s what happened. 

And also he’s wearing such a dad outfit. I just thought he would look good in it. And he does. 

[tobesolonely]

sweet as honey

A/n: beekeeper fic is finally done!! shoutout to @taintedwonder for being an amazing beta :) @harryysstyless​ i love u for the support and great ideas <3

summary: y/n is as sweet as the honey she sells!

warnings: smut! (oral f receiving, some exhibitionism, some slight teasing i think, unprotected sex on a balcony in italy!!) dont be silly, wrap ur willy! ☺️

word count: ~6k

my ko-fi! thank you :)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

It did not surprise Harry that the sweetest girl he’s ever met (arguably in his entire life) is a beekeeper.

A beekeeper!

He thinks it might be the coolest job title he’s ever heard in his life––he decides it’s even cooler than his own title of “famous person”, as y/n likes to call him.

Harry didn’t mean to fall in love with y/n, he really didn’t, but it was so hard not to. Her energy is utterly electric––Harry’s skin feels like it’s on fire when she wraps herself around him and cuddles, and his cheeks heat to the temperature of an oven whenever she compliments him. He didn’t think that could happen around most people anymore.

Y/n is eccentric and extroverted while also being loving and gentle. Her patience constantly floors him. Harry wasn’t sure exactly what it took to become a beekeeper, some sort of qualification he supposes, but he figures you at least have all of her qualities and even then sum.

It starts with Harry admiring her from a distance every time he sees her. He spends entirely too long fawning over the different apples from the booth across from hers when he is just trying to stay in her vicinity for as long as possible. Once he works up the courage to approach her, it relieves him immensely when they immediately click. She has a voice as sweet as the honey she sells. Harry is drawn like a moth to a flame. Their friendship quickly intensifies from only seeing each other two days a week, to seeing each other nearly every day, to basically living together. (Not that Harry was complaining).

Harry always tries to remember the exact moment he realized he liked y/n as more than a friend, but he can never recall it. The truth is, he’s felt this way since the second he saw her. Anyone with a set of eyes and half a brain knew this; except y/n, he supposes. Harry’s known she is the one for him since he met her. She was fresh out of a relationship, however, with some idiot who had gone and absolutely ripped her heart to shreds, and Harry is just some health nut who visits y/n’s booth at the market every Tuesday and Saturday morning. Their paths crossing was inevitable, but neither one ever thought their relationship would blossom into what it is.

Although y/n constantly asks him not to, Harry always clears his schedule every Monday and Friday night so he can spend the evening helping y/n prepare for the farmer’s market the next morning. There’s a lot of labeling, and moving boxes, and packing, and double-checking––but Harry loves it! Lives for it, actually. Anything is fun if he’s doing it with y/n.  

Harry often tries extending his help to work her booth (she could get very busy very quickly, and Harry knows she is easily overwhelmed) but she’s a stubborn person who has a hard time accepting help from anyone. So every Tuesday and Saturday Harry rides to the farmer’s market before the sun’s up, helps set up her booth, then spends the whole four hours the market is open shopping for himself (and walking laps around the park when he needs a break from inspecting pieces of fruit).

When all the other vendors pack up their booths and load their trucks, Harry would make his way back to y/n to help her do the same. She’d tell him all about the people she spoke to that day and all the praises her regulars sang to her as they loaded the car, and Harry can never contain the smile on his face. She always tells him how proud she was of him but Harry can’t even express in words how proud y/n made him. At least not without the words ‘I love you’ tumbling out his mouth in the middle of it. She is incredible, and it always makes Harry’s heart soar when she believes it; even if it’s only for a little while.

The ride back to y/n’s small farm is always Harry’s favorite part of the entire ordeal. The combination of lack of sleep from the night before plus the long day she just had finally caught up to her, and she always falls asleep mid-conversation with him. He never minds it one bit––always says it's the most adorable thing he gets to witness.

He’ll always wake her when they’re about ten minutes out from her house because he knows she hates being woken abruptly. Harry will reach over while driving her old, rusty, rattling truck (she doesn’t care how rich Harry is; he is not allowed to buy her a new car under any circumstances) and gently rouse her from her dreams, promising to make her a nice, warm cup of decaf coffee while she showers. If Harry doesn't have to head out he’ll stay for a hot shower and chat with her over a cup of tea before eventually luring her off to bed with the promise of cuddles and Real Housewives reruns.

This is their relationship, their friendship, and Harry cherishes it. He can’t help but wonder though, when the pretty little beekeeper that instantaneously stole his heart all that time ago is cuddled up in his arms, what it would be like to be more than y/n’s friend. He falls asleep with a smile on his face and thoughts of y/n in his head.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

“Why d'ya put that one away?”

“They’re not quite done working on this one yet,” y/n tells him when he asks about a large honeycomb. Her voice is so soft when she speaks that Harry has to lean in to hear her over the buzzing of the bees; any excuse he can find to get closer to y/n works for him. “We wouldn’t wanna cut their job short before they finish with it.”

Harry loves days like these. He loves canceling meetings when he shouldn’t just so he can spend the day helping y/n around her farm. It’s especially fun when she lets him wear one of the big white suits she’s always wearing and can watch her do her thing with her bees. Right now, she’s teaching him how to harvest honey.

“What happens if we do?” Harry would fire fifty million questions in a row at her if it meant she never stopped talking.

“Well, you wouldn’t like it if you got kicked off stage while you were in the middle of performing, would you?”

Harry grins and chuckles at the thought. Only y/ can explain something as complex as beekeeping in a way that Harry immediately understands––just one of the many things he loves about her.

“I would not.” Harry looks on as she gently replaces the honeycomb they were just inspecting. The smoker y/n asked him to hold sits limply in his hand as he simply stares at her, admiring how confident she is when she’s in her element.

Comfortable silence falls between the pair as y/n works and he follows along with the exception of Harry following her requests to position the smoker in certain spots when the bees are a little in the way. The sweet girl beside him usually never stops talking, but when she works, her full attention is on the task and she’s too focused to speak. The silence is always warm and comforting, like y/n.

“All done,” y/n announces with an air of finality after working in silence for what had to have been at least an hour. “That didn’t take too long, did it?”

“No. What are we doing next?”

Y/n let out a laugh—a sound so beautiful he can only equate it to the jingling of a bell. “What’s next? Harry, you’ve been here for two days! Don’t you have things to do?”

Far too embarrassed to admit that he pushes all his responsibilities back whenever he wants to see her, he just shakes his head quickly.

“Nope. Nothing.”

Y/n gives Harry one of her looks that tells him she doesn’t quite believe him, but she shrugs. “Do you wanna sing to my plants? I read somewhere that it would help ‘em grow…”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Although Harry is sure y/n thinks otherwise, he does, in fact, still has a job, though he isn’t sure how Jeff hasn’t dropped him as a client by now.

He’s currently fiddling in a chair at a large conference table, going over tour logistics and plans, and only half paying attention. His mind is on y/n, as it always constantly seems to be. He wonders if she ate lunch (she sometimes forgets) and how much time she’s spent working today. He hopes she’s remembering to take breaks. Harry always called y/n his little bee—she’ll just  go, go, go! until someone physically reminds her to slow down. That “someone” usually is Harry.

“Harry? What do you think about that?” Jeff’s voice breaks Harry out of his y/n-filled thoughts. Harry tries to hide his annoyance when he answers, though he doesn’t think he’s particularly successful.

“What was tha’? I zoned out a bit, sorry.”

“A dinner? With the tour crew, tonight.”

“Can y/n come?” Harry doesn’t miss a beat in asking. Anyone else would have rolled their eyes at him, but he just sighs and nods his head. Jeff knows better than anyone that his best shot at convincing Harry to do something is allowing the involvement of y/n.

“Yes, Harry. Y/n can come.”

So that was how y/n ends up sitting next to Harry at a table with all the magical people who help make his tours possible and chatting with Harry Lambert like they’re old pals. It’s just another thing Harry loves about y/n––she has the ability to make friends wherever she goes and Harry is amazed about it. Harry thinks that’s so cool. She always tells him that she wishes she could light up a room like he can. Harry thinks that if she thinks he “lights up a room”, then she absolutely blinds everyone in it.

“Feelin’ good, lil’ bee?” Harry takes a sip of his drink after he asks his question. He rests his right hand on y/n’s left knee and checks the time on his wristwatch. “Lemme know when ‘ve gotta get you home and we can leave this thing.”

“Harry!” she whisper-shouts. “These people are here because of you! We can’t just leave, you goof.”

“Eh,” Harry waves his hand dismissively. “They’re not here for me. More excited to see each other, I think. Besides, everyone knows I’m only capable of givin’ my attention to you when you’re around.”

Y/n blushes, looking down at her hands and around them like she always does when she doesn’t know what to say, then nods. “Whenever you’re ready, I am. Oh- I wanna show you the honeycombs from today! They’re huge!”

Just like that, Harry wants nothing more than to leave the steakhouse they’re at (he can’t remember the name) and go see honeycombs. He nods and clears his throat, then stands up. “I’ve got to get goin’, everyone. Y/n’s not feelin’ too good. Thank you for all you do. I’ll be seein’ you all real soon, yeah?”

The occupants of the dinner are far too intoxicated to hear him, and he chuckles to himself. A few wish y/n well, but many don’t even hear Harry’s parting words. He likes it this way. Sometimes it's easier to just slip out. Harry already knows that y/n will unleash on him when they reach the car; tell him he can’t just use her as an excuse anytime he wants to get out of something.

“I can’t believe you did that,” y/n groans loudly once they’re in front of the restaurant, waiting for Harry’s car to be brought out of the valet. “You’re embarrassing!”

“S’my job as your best friend to embarrass ya now and then, innit?”

“Says who?”

“Says me!” Harry was in the process of pulling y/n more into his side while they wait in the cold for his car. She’s putty in his hands and Harry loves when she’s pliant and feeling as touchy as he always is. Harry’s hands only leave y/n’s body when he opens her door and jogs around to the driver’s side.

The hand that’s not gripping the steering wheel is in y/n’s, sneaking quick glances from the corner of his eye while he feels her playing with his rings.

“Do you wanna hear a fact you may or may not know about bees?”

Harry nods. Of course he did. He’d listen to y/n recite the phone book if she asked him to. Y/n nods and continues.

“Bees have four wings.”

Harry can hear how proud she sounds to share that—he reckons she thought she was about to blow his mind. So, he pretends he didn’t already know that.

“You’re lying!”

“I’m not,” y/n retorts, letting go of his hand to dig her phone out of her clutch. “I can show you.”

Harry hates that she lets go of his hand, even if just for a moment to show him something. He always wants to touch her. Y/n holds her phone up to Harry’s face at every red light to show him pictures of bees' wings, and he pretends to be mind-blown. He’s certain it’s one of the best performances of his life (he thinks Christopher Nolan would be impressed).

“Are you stayin’ over at mine tonight?”

“I don’t have my skincare.”

If Harry was speaking to anyone else, he might’ve been embarrassed by what he was about to admit. “I bought all the things you use so you couldn’t use that as an excuse not to sleep over anymore.”

“Harry!”

“What?”

“You can’t do stuff like that!” Y/n sounds a teensy bit upset, but Harry knows she isn’t. “I told you that you’re not allowed to buy me things!”

Harry isn’t a fan of her response - he doesn’t ever remember agreeing to that.  “Why not?”

“Save your money, Harry.”

“I have more money than I know what to do with,” he responds quickly, eyes focused on the road. “Let me spoil you now and then, yeah?”

Harry hears y/n let out a quiet sigh, but she argues no further and he is happy to have won this battle. A comfortable silence falls over the car for the duration of the trip as headlights pass them every so often. Harry doesn’t mind it—he’s just glad she decided she was in the mood to play with his fingers again.

Once Harry gets them home, he immediately starts a pot of decaf coffee and puts their towels, a pair of boxers, and one of his t-shirts she always likes to wear in the dryer. Y/n once told Harry she loved warm towels and clothes and he’s never forgotten it. While waiting for her coffee to brew, he puts on the kettle to make himself a cup of tea, quickly reaching for her favorite set of mugs. Even though y/n is more than capable of doing these things for herself, Harry loves taking care of her, even if it’s only for a little bit.

Harry has both of their drinks (y/n’s made just the way she likes it) on the coffee table and a movie queued up by the time she rejoins him in the front of his house, skin glowing from the skincare routine she just completed.

“I found the stuff! How does my skin look?” Y/n flops down beside Harry, reaching for her mug of coffee.

Harry looks up from his phone. “Dewey. I made your coffee jus’ the way you like it… unless your taste buds have changed in the last twenty-four hours.” Y/n rolls her eyes at his cheesy attempt at a joke.

He loved when she was over at his house. It was usually the only time Harry ever saw her truly relaxed. Even when they were meant to be taking it easy at hers (whether that be by cuddling and watching movies, baking together, or simply just falling asleep beside one another) her mind was always in work mode.

“You’re not funny, H.”

He smirks at her from the corner of his eyes. “Then why are you smiling?”

“I’m always smiling! Now, can you please go take a shower so we can watch the movie?”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Y/n was burnt out––Harry could tell.

He always knew when she needed a break because she would get upset for seemingly no reason at all. Earlier when Harry asked her if he should cook dinner or order in, she promptly told him she didn’t care what they ate and went back to researching hive health.

Ouch.

When Harry made the executive decision to make them lentil soup (as much as y/n tried to deny it, he knew she was developing a small cold, too) she scrunched up her nose and said,” No, thanks.”, deciding to take a nap instead.

Harry did his best to remind her to take care of herself, but she was his lil’ bee, after all. She wouldn’t take a break unless someone forced her to. So, he decided to plan a getaway for them.

“H, I don’t have time for a vacation,” y/n snaps at him when he broaches the topic of a trip later that evening. “You out of all people should know how hard it is to get away sometimes.”

“Y’need one though,” Harry replies. “We could both use one.”

“Who’s gonna watch my bees?”

“Already took care of that. Took care of everything,” he shrugs. “Only thing you have to do is pack a bag and we can go…’n if you don’t feel like packin’ it yourself I can get that taken care of, too.”

“Who did you hire, though? Where did you find them?” Y/n seems doubtful. Harry should’ve known she wouldn’t agree to just anyone watching her bees as she is way too attached to them.

“You really think I’d hire just anyone to watch your bees?” Harry raises an eyebrow. “I’ve got the best of the best for them, don’t you worry about that.”

Y/n giggles, which makes Harry blush. He loved being the reason for her laughter. “I’m going to hold you to that... I can pack my suitcase by the way, H. We can’t leave until tomorrow though... I need time to say bye to all my bees.”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Harry loved to travel with y/n.

He loves the look of awe when he takes her to a new place. He loves seeing her so carefree, so at peace. Y/n’s beautiful all the time, of course, but especially like this. Stress-free and happy.

They're sitting on the balcony of the Italian villa Harry arranged for them to stay at, bellies full and tongues stained purple from working through a bottle of expensive red wine. The sun had set not long ago, and there’s a nice, warm breeze that ripples through their hair and tickles their skin.

“What are we gonna do tomorrow?” Y/n questions, glancing at Harry through hooded eyes. Her words are slightly slurred due to her intoxicated state, but not so much that he can’t understand her.

“It’s a surprise,” Harry takes a sip of his wine, then moves closer to y/n. “You’ll like it though.”

“Can I try to guess what it is?”

“Sure, y/n.”

“Is it the beach?”

“Nope,” Harry shakes his head. “For another day.”

“Leaning Tower of Pisa?”

He laughs. “We’re nowhere near it, but we can squeeze tha’ in if you really wanna see it.”

“Okay, then I’m out of guesses.” y/n pours herself another glass of wine. “Tell me.”

“‘M gonna take you shopping.”

Y/n pouts. “I thought you said we were gonna do something I’d like!”

“Oh, did I say something you’d like? I meant something I’d like…”

Y/n doesn’t say anything, and he’s glad she doesn’t argue with him. Harry takes the lull in conversation to just admire her––admire the way the moonlight is reflecting off her skin, the way her eyes are a little glossy from the wine, and the way the robe she was wearing hung slightly off her shoulders (and Harry was well aware that she was wearing nothing under it).

“Harry, can I ask you something?” y/n’s voice is so soft that Harry would struggle to hear her had they not been sitting so close.

“Anything, lil’ bee.”

“Do you ever wish you had a girlfriend to take on trips like this? Instead of me? Like, I imagine you’d be having a way better time if you were here with your girlfriend and not just me.” Her chest heaves as she takes in a breath, sucking in air after rushing through what she just said.

“Why would I have a better time with a girlfriend than I could have with you?” Harry’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather go on a trip like this with.

“Because,” she takes her bottom lip in between her teeth. “You could… yanno- you could have sex and stuff? I just feel like Italy is so romantic.”

Harry chokes on his wine, and it takes a few moments of coughing to clear it out. “Really? Tha’s what you’re thinkin’ bout right now?”

“I’m just saying,” she takes a long sip of wine. “It’s okay if that’s what you’re thinking about, you know? ‘Cus I am too. I mean, I’m not thinking it, I just mean, like, I don’t think it’s weird or anything. I mean, I’m also pretty drunk right now so––”

“I’m thinkin’ about it, puppy,” Harry cuts y/n off because she tends to ramble once she gets about two drinks in, every time. “‘M thinkin’ about it with you, because I wish you were my girlfriend-”

The words that come out of his own mouth surprise him equally since he’s been careful about keeping it quiet. Okay, so maybe Harry’s just as drunk as y/n.

“What?” Y/n pouts, her wine-stained lips look plump and soft. Harry wants nothing more than to tug her over to him and kiss her. “Harry, you can’t say that- can’t say that ‘cus we’re good the way we are. We’re good as friends––best friends! Right?”

He takes a steadying breath so he can get his words together. “Don’t wanna be only best friends,” Harry whispers, so close to y/n now that she feels his breath on her neck and smells the wine on his breath. “S’not enough. I wanna be your lover...wanna love on you so badly-”

“Harry…”

“...Y/n…”

“I care about you so much––just–– I want us to be okay no matter what, yeah?”

“We’ll be okay.” Harry’s words come out quickly.

“Stuff like this always changes things…” Y/n is doubtful, unsure.

“Don’t think much else would change. I already treat you like you’re the only girl in the world…” Harry trails off, running his fingers along the collar of her bathrobe.

“I want us to be just as good,” y/n searches Harry’s eyes to see if they possess the same hunger as hers––she’s glad to see they do. “Nothing will change.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Harry’s rushing to get his words out pressing his lips against y/n’s exposed shoulder, thoughts tumbling quickly down a rabbit hole “Wasn’t sure if you’ve ever felt the same way because you’re so bloody hard to read sometimes-”

Y/n gently tugs at the front of her robe so it falls open, allowing Harry newfound access to her neck and collarbone. “Of course I feel the same way, wasn’t it obvious?” She lets out a loud moan when Harry nips and sucks particularly hard at one spot; it’s music to his ears.

“Not at all, or else I would’ve been kissin’ on ya like this a lot sooner.” Harry pecks her cheek, then the corner of her mouth, and finally her lips. “I swear everyone knew I was proper obsessed with ya, except you.”

Y/n smiles against Harry’s lips, melting into the kiss as she grows used to the feeling of kissing him. “How long?”

Harry tilts his head to the side in confusion. “‘How long’ what?”

“Have you liked me?” y/n dips her head, too shy to make direct eye contact with Harry. He rests his fingers under her chin and gently tilts her head upwards.

“You really wanna know?” Harry’s not ashamed to admit he’s liked her since the second he laid eyes on her at the farmer’s market. She nods, and Harry can see how blown out her pupils are in the moonlight. He continues, peppering more kisses against y/n’s exposed patches of skin.

“I reckon I’ve liked you ever since I first saw you,” Harry’s voice drops to a whisper even though they are the only ones on the balcony. “Had to know you...see if you were as sweet as the honey you were sellin’.”

“Am I?” Y/n questions, pushing Harry away from her softly to pause his movements. Harry slides out of the chair he’s in, positioning himself so he’s on his knees in front of y/n. He hums, untying her robe a bit more so that her belly and breasts are exposed to him.

“I’m not sure, pet,” Harry ghosts his hand over her core, not ready to touch her just yet. He knows he can get her more worked up––really make her beg for it. “I’ve gotta taste ya first.”

“You can!” she blurts out, lifting her bottom off the chair slightly. “You can taste me Harry, ‘m givin’ you permission-”

“Yeah, but what fun would that be?” As much as Harry wants to mouth at her pretty cunt and hear her moan and whine for him, he also thought he’d quite like to hear what she sounds like begging for his mouth, tongue, and cock. He looks up at his sweet girl from the rather uncomfortable position on his knees he’s put himself in, thoroughly pleased by how absolutely fucked out she looks. He hasn’t even touched her yet!

Harry decides he has let her squirm and anticipate his touch long enough, finally placing one digit to her covered heat. She bucks her hips up slightly, his light touch doing nothing to quell the fire he ignited in her tummy.

“Don’t tease me, please,” y/n says quietly, eyes screwed shut. “I want it, like, so badly. It’s ok- oh!”

Y/n’s tense body sinks back into the chair as Harry pulls her underwear to the side in one swift motion, exposing her warm cunt to the cool, Italian air. He notices her body shaking (he’s not sure if it’s from the cold or excitement) but he makes a mental note to draw her a warm bath after he’s made her cum on his tongue. Without warning, Harry licks a long stripe from the entrance of her cunt to her clit, taking the small button in his mouth once he reaches it. He moans in pleasure, loving the way she reacted to his mouth and the sweet sounds that leave her.

Harry stretches his arms up to reach for y/n’s hands, wanting nothing more than to see what they would feel like tugging at his curls. She immediately understands what he’s asking and wastes no time slotting her fingers into his hair.

“How’s tha’ feel?” Harry lifts his head from her clit to take a breath of air and check to see if what they are doing is still okay—he’s delighted when she begs for him to “get back to it”.

“Don’t stop, feels really nice,” y/n’s plea ends with a loud moan; Harry’s cock swells.

“Do you want me to keep goin’, puppy?” He takes his index finger in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it before he lowers it to circle her entrance. “Y’like how my tongue feels on your clit, hmm?” He sinks it in, causing y/n to let out a quiet gasp.

“Yeah, you’re really, really, good at this, H,” y/n struggles to catch her breath so Harry takes this as his sign to slow down. Y/n grinds her hips against Harry’s tongue once he lets up, now having to work harder to chase her orgasm. “W-why’d you slow down?”

She tugs particularly hard on Harry’s hair, causing him to yelp in surprise. He can feel the pre-cum leaking from the head of his cock and onto his stomach, and he thinks he may cum without even having to touch himself. Harry takes her desperation as a green light to resume his previous pace, finger slipping easily back into her cunt.

“Thought it was becoming a little too much for you,” Harry mumbles, mesmerized by how easily her cunt takes his finger. He thinks she can easily take at least two more. “Can I add more? Get ya all stretched out so y’can take me alright?” Y/n clenches around his fingers at his words and Harry knows that if he’s inside her and she does that again, he’ll be a goner.

“Yes, H,” she lifts her bottom off the chair. “I can take more, give me more-”

Harry sinks his middle finger into her, shuddering when his cock dances in his sweatpants. He decides he needs them off (or at least needs his cock out) and uses his free hand to pull them down. He hisses when his cock slaps against his stomach, more pre-cum leaking out of the neglected, red head.

“Takin’ my fingers so good, angel,” Harry whispers, speeding up the pace in which he is pumping into her. “I can feel y’squeezin’ on ‘em––are y’gonna squeeze my cock like that?” All y/n can do is nod, not trusting her voice to answer him.

Who would’ve thought the man who was always so sweet to her had such a dirty mouth?

Y/n can feel that familiar fire igniting in her belly, knows that she needs Harry to angle his fingers just so and hit that spot that would have her seeing stars. She reaches for his wrist and tries to angle him how she wants him, but it’s not working. She needs more––needs his cock.

“Harry, need more- please, need it, need you-” her pleas come out choppy and short as she struggles to articulate exactly what she needs. Harry’s her best friend, though––he knows exactly what she’s asking for.

“You want my cock, lil’ bee? S’that what you want?” he pulls his fingers out and rubs at her clit while he frees himself completely from the confines of his sweatpants. She nods, but that’s not good enough for Harry. “Lemme hear you say it.”

“I want you, H,” she’s panting. “I want you to fuck me...”

“Why didn’t you just say that?” Harry teases, giving himself a few quick pumps. He knows once he’s inside of her he probably won’t last more than a few quick sloppy thrusts––especially if she squeezes round his cock like she’s been doing with his fingers. Harry guides her from the chair and to the railing of the balcony so they’re looking down at the bustling city below them. Harry was grateful they were so high up and it was fairly dark, although not pitch black. The thought of someone only having to look up to see him and the woman he loves in such a vulnerable state ignited a flame in him.

He begins slowly inching his way inside of her, looking at her while she adjusted to the size of him. Y/n tells him she’s ready for more way quicker than Harry thought she would, and he’s pleased to feel her pushing herself down on him while he pushes up into her. It takes all his willpower not to cum immediately. 

“Look at you fuckin’ yourself with my cock,” Harry says smugly, standing still while y/n bounces down on him. “Take what you need, sweet girl. Make yourself cum round me-”

“So big, H,” y/n puts the hand not gripping onto the rail in her mouth, biting back her moans. 

“I wanna hear you, puppy. Want all those people down there to know how good ‘m makin’ ya feel,” Harry pulls her hand out of her mouth and wraps his arms tightly around her before fucking up into her relentlessly.

“Oh, fuck,” y/n moans quietly. “Fuck, right there...”

“C’mon, angel. I know you can be louder than that, let me hear you-” Harry uses one hand to let go of y/n’s plushy hips and instead lowers it to her clit, rubbing small, quick circles at the hardened nub. She lets out a loud squeal that quickly turns into a giggle, causing her to clench around Harry’s cock. He lets out a loud moan, not caring at all who heard. He was going to give the pretty beekeeper begging for his cock the hardest, most intense orgasm of her life.

“Harry, I’m so close...”

“I know, I can feel it baby,” Harry’s curls are sticking to his forehead from sweat. “I’m close too, where do you want-”

“Inside,” y/n turns around, so she’s looking at Harry. “I’m on birth control-”

Harry speeds up the pace, moving faster than he even thought possible. He was fucking his best friend in Italy, at an Italian villa on a balcony. Could his life get any better?

“‘M gonna cum, y/n,” Harry’s thrusts are growing sloppy, his wrist tired from rubbing circles on y/n’s clit. He wants her to cum first, though––needs her to. “Cum for me, sweet girl. I want you to cum.”

Y/n lets out a loud cry if Harry’s eyes weren’t shut, he would’ve checked to see if she drew any attention to themselves. However, he was too far gone, right on the brink of his own orgasm. With two more sloppy thrusts, Harry is finishing right behind her. If they weren’t so close to the edge of a balcony, he would’ve collapsed atop her, completely exhausted from the good fuck he just gave y/n.

They both slowly come down from their highs together, giggling at how good their orgasms made them feel. Harry slowly pulls out of her and stuffs his softening cock back in his pants before grabbing his sweet girl and pulling her to sit in his lap.

“You are as sweet as the honey you sell, lil’ bee.”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

thanks for reading!! ☺️

[laindir]

JJK0 movie musings

I finally watched the movie yesterday! So, cross-posting some brief thoughts/impressions I’ve keysmashed last night on twatter over here too.

But lol if I could sum up my entire feelings during the movie, it’d just be:

More tl;dr spoilery thoughts under cut

It’s a pretty faithful and decent adaptation of Volume 0 with a lot of extra battle scenes and character cameos during the Hyakki Yagyou, mostly for “padding” lol. Not that it’s a bad thing; we got to see some really cool action and battle sequences.

One of my favourite things about the OP is how much detail we got of the dorm life in Jujutech! It’s not a very long opening, but it still provided enough of a glimpse into the students’ daily lives outside of their studies/training/missions: they have basic sleepwear/loungewear (?) provided if needed, common bathrooms, meals provided (this we also know from the fanbook Q&A/Akutami’s interviews) in a very traditional dining hall/room, and the dorms/living quarters seem like a good walk away from the main school building itself - which isn’t really all that surprising, considering how Jujutech is fashioned after old Buddhist temples/Shinto shrines.

Megumi Ogata’s voice work as Yuuta is SO, SO GOOD… It’s not that I went to watch the movie without ever hearing her voice work in the trailers, but when I finally heard Yuuta speaking and listened to his first lines in the opening scene (like, really listened to it within the context of the movie, and just experiencing the scenes first-hand) and in his first interaction with Maki, Panda and Toge, it’s like you could really feel it, that sense of “Ah, yes, this is how Yuuta sounds like, just as I’d pictured in my mind…” Ogata really expresses his character well, all of his anxieties, fears, and later on, his anger and resolve.

HanaKana also plays Rika really well, perfectly capturing the duality of Rika’s sweet innocence in Yuuta’s memories and her dark possessiveness of Yuuta in her cursed form.

The humour is solid too, I enjoyed the interactions between second-years (well, they’re first-years in Vol 0) a lot! It made me miss the jjk anime and radio dramas/jujusanpos so much :__) The seiyuus all did a really great job with the characterisations overall!

Lol Maki’s “I’m going to destroy the Zenin from within” really brings back that same feeling of satisfaction whenever we spot the small references/callbacks that links the jjk anime to the current weekly chapters.

Watching the movie also reminded me how nice it is to see young male characters looking up to a female character as a role model, not just in terms of empathy and kindness but also in terms of strength and resolve. Even though there were some Yuuta/Maki shipteasing moments played up for the comedy (thanks to Panda lol), it didn’t overshadow how Yuuta respects Maki first for her character and determination, and cares for her as a person, friend and fellow sorcerer – instead of just because she was a possible new love interest. Much like how Megumi admires and looks up Tsumiki’s kindness and empathy for others, and thus subconsciously tries to emulate that in his own way. It’s something that JJK does well and it’s refreshing to see in shounen because this is usually a role we see played by an older male figure or an adult mentor, instead of a female character who is close to the male MC’s age.

Gojou is still obnoxiously annoying. LOL. I mean, I do enjoy him quite a bit here too, but if he was my teacher/co-worker, I would have the exact same thoughts as Yuuta’s “Isn’t it the teacher who’s causing the real problems here !!??”

Still, if Gojou is annoying, then I find the real Getou is even more OBNOXIOUS LMFAOOO… It’s nice to finally see him with all his haughtiness and condescending posturing as the zany, zealous cult leader, even though I really wanted to punch him too hhdbdkffkkdjs (I say this with mild affection too since I do like and appreciate all the characters, even those who aren’t a particular favourite of mine roflll). Sakurai plays him very effectively.

This again, makes me certain that, yes, I do actually like Gojou as a character a bit more than Getou (strange, I know, lol). Maybe it’s because Gojou reads like someone who is more true to himself, whereas Getou feels at times like he revels more in being misunderstood/wronged, and uses this as one (of many) “reason/excuse” to continue down his path of Esotericism…. I’m not articulating this well (it’s late lol), but for all of Gojou being the “strongest” and furthest away from normal humans, he has a similar sense of straightforward expression of his self and a humility of what he can/cannot do that is reminiscent of Megumi’s (to me at least). Getou was just emo and prejudiced lol…. yes, I’m oversimplifying things, but this is a late-night meta keysmash based on personal feelings, so please don’t take my interpretation too seriously lol.

Also, for some reason, even though he carries himself with poise and superiority, I feel like Getou doesn’t have same elegance and self-assurance that both Kenjaku and Sukuna seem to naturally possess, though that’s probably more because Kenjaku and Sukuna have existed since the golden age of jujutsu during the Heian period. I like seeing the contrast and this attention to detail in the visuals, though; it really hammers in the difference between Getou and Kenjaku, right down to the smallest body language.

The pacing leading up to the climax/ending (with the scene cuts alternating between the Yuuta and Getou’s fight in Jujutech and the other sorcerer battles with the curses running amok in Shinjuku and Kyoto) felt a bit rushed?? at some points… Or rather, the transition between scenes didn’t feel as seamless at times, though I’m not sure how they could have shown the parallel fights any other way. It wasn’t bad though and it was nice to see more of the battles that featured the other sorcerers, instead of just wholly focusing on Gojou being flashy on his own as he fought Miguel.

NANAMINNN THO AAAAAAAAA… The way he stepped in to save the younger sorcerers who were getting mowed down by curses too powerful for them ;___;  I wish his Black Flash battle scenes had been longer, it felt too short afjdkgljvs

Kyoto kids had some battle cameos too. Toudou’s fight with the special-grade curse was hinted at but never actually shown in full… yeah lol.

The Pure Love scene and Yuuta’s lines leading up to him offering all of himself to Rika to break her cursed energy limits… SO MUCH FEELS AND TEARS… This was definitely the highlight of the movie and the soundtrack here was amazing.

Just… YUUTAAAAAAA … !!!! DARK-HAIRED SHOUNENS WHO ARE BLAND ON THE OUTSIDE BUT ACTUALLY BADASS BAMF ON THE INSIDE SUPREMACY….!!! LOL

I liked the flashbacks of Gojou and Getou’s past friendship too (the Hidden Inventory crumbs lol) and the hints of their gradual falling out. I’ve never really been emotionally invested in the ship though, so I guess their moments didn’t really hit me as much.

We still don’t get to hear what Gojou’s last words to Getou was, since his (Gojou) dialogue was silenced then, just like in the manga - you can only see his lips moving very briefly.

But if I were to hazard a guess, and if we look at Getou’s line of thought/words in his final moments and the flow of the scene: - “No matter what, I’ll always hate those monkeys” → “But I didn’t hate anyone in Jujutech” → “It’s just that in this world, I could never truly smile/be happy from the bottom of my heart.” - So, the reply Gojou could have countered with and offered then is probably → “Lies (You liar)… We were (happy) smiling (together) back then, right?” → “I know (this) because you’re my best friend.”

Also, Gojou’s lip movement really looked like he began the sentence with “ Uso / 嘘 ” (Lies/Liar). And I think Gojou understands Getou's true nature and his ideals intimately and well enough, however twisted they might have turned over the years, more so than Getou gives him credit for... so I do think Gojou could always tell when Getou was at his happiest and truly smiling from the bottom of his heart. That’s my guess to what he said, or something along those lines. Anyway, iirc Akutami also hinted in the fanbook (I think??) that whatever Gojou said to Getou was also mentioned elsewhere in Vol 0, so it couldn’t be anything too wildly different.

I forgot there was a post-credit scene just before I went for the movie, even though I’d seen brief spoilers for it on twitter lol. Yuuta enjoying Kenyan food with Miguel was super cute… Most of the other viewers in the cinema I was in were so confused by the scene though (I heard their puzzled noises/questions), I guess they must be anime-onlys and to be fair, I don’t think you could really understand the post-credits without any context on its own like that.

Ok this keysmashing got waaaay longer than I’d meant for lmfaooo. But yeah, JJK0 was good and entertaining enough !! I might go for another second viewing because I really enjoyed seeing Yuuta and Maki&co.'s interactions, so I don't mind rewatching those moments again… the Tokyo kids are always so cute, I lvoe them :__)

[inhonoredglory]

another character based question - how do you feel about mikasa? a lot of fans dont like her, im curious about how you feel! - armin anon

Hellooooo Armin Anon. OMG it’s been forever since I had the time to sit down and do a proper meta, and I apologize.

First off, I finished the manga!!! (So, spoilers ahead for anyone else reading this.) I had to lie down after reading 139. It’s a tremendous story and I’m still taking it all in. The set pieces and personal/emotional stakes of everything that happens is just astounding. If it’s one thing Isayama does good, it’s the gut-wrenching personal anguish that underlies the action. I’m absolutely floored. My favorite bit was probably the timey-wimey stuff in Paths and Eren. That blew my freaking mind. But onto Mikasa!!

A Cruel Yet Beautiful World

I remember way back when I started the anime that I started liking Mikasa first out of the group. I liked how sullenly silent and no-nonsense she was, and I liked her loyalty to Eren. Her emotion, especially when Eren died in Trost, was palpable and terrifyingly beautiful. Her grief was incredibly realistic––rushing off with a death wish that even she couldn’t succumb to in the end, because of the drive to fight that she got from Eren. In a world like SNK, her relentlessness breaking through her grief was incredibly moving. And her philosophy is basically the driving theme of SNK: “This is a cruel world, and yet so beautiful.”

This is the same moral message she gives Eren when he can’t find the strength in him to fight Annie––and gives him that warm, understanding, inscrutable smile that allows him to finally accept his own monsters, fight Annie, and save her and Armin. (One of my favorite panels of her from the manga, actually.) Mikasa is basically the first character we meet who embodies this contradictory morality, which grows to engulf SNK and other characters as well (Levi, Reiner, and Armin especially come to mind). Which could be why I was drawn to her at the start, since the complex moral outlook of SNK was the primary reason I fell hard for this story.

(And gosh, it’s tragic to realize that it’s teaching moments like the scene above that made Eren into the person who could influence his own child self to murder, the person who could wipe out so much of humanity, the person who could take Ymir’s challenge to free her by destroying the love of the person who cared the most about him. I’m still processing yo.)

Acker-parallels

I started really analyzing Mikasa when I had to defend her from a friend of mine who accused her of resenting Levi (for beating up Eren) and that’s why she attacked him so violently in the RTS serumbowl. Because of my research into rebutting that, a lot of my affection for Mikasa now comes in seeing the little ways in which she cares and trusts other people, including Armin, Levi, Gabi, and Jean. And her quiet sensibility that goes beyond her love and protectiveness of Eren.

With Levi in particular, I find a lot I like about her. Because you can definitely see her annoyance at him, but she also trusts him more than anyone else in the Corps outside of Armin. After Levi’s violent encounter with Historia, she was the only one who implicitly trusted Levi’s judgement, backing up Armin’s more reasoned logic. She sees beyond her own emotions and even moral feelings and realizes the world is cruel enough that sometimes people have to do dark things to help others and survive.

This is very much the same statement Levi made to the 104th when he had asked them to follow Erwin’s orders when the commander’s plans were questionable on the surface: “Do you trust him? Those dumb enough to say yes… come with me.” These two understand each other on a moral level, and they ask for their comrades’ loyalty without demanding it, because they each know that everyone’s conscience is their own.

There’s a clear parallel between Mikasa and Levi, not only because of their Ackerman heritage and sensibilities (loyal to a fault to their chosen person, impossibly strong, quiet and grim), but their frustration when they cannot protect the people they are responsible for. They both know they are the strongest around, and if they cannot fulfill on that power, a lot of people will die.

There are many moments in which Mikasa puts aside her personal feelings to do her soldierly duty, from leaving Eren to help with the evacuation of Trost to leaving Eren and Armin to fight the Colossal Titan alone in Shigonshina.

And then there’s the fact that Levi’s the one who could break past Mikasa’s headspace and distraction so that she can do the right thing. He understands her strong emotion, he respects it, but he also knows when that has to be put aside for the greater good. But he doesn’t put her down for having those emotions, either.

Strength from Eren, Humanity from Armin

Mikasa’s love and loyalty to Eren challenges her tremendously after the timeskip and her sorrow at Eren’s change is what really stands out to me about her character in the Marley arc. The absolute grief in her eyes when she tells Eren what he’s done is devastating, and it shows just how much goodness and compassion she does have.

And yet she longs to understand Eren, to trust him, to believe there can be something redeeming, and not merely jaded and tired, in what he taught her so many years ago––to fight, to win, to live.

There’s such a difference between these same words said here by Mikasa, so many years later, after so much heartbreak, to the anger and flame that were in them when she first heard them, back when she realized that this was the way of the world. That death and killing happens in the natural world everyday and that’s how you survive. That the world is both cruel and beautiful.

And yet as the years wore on, as Mikasa grew closer to others, found purpose in protecting others, sought a life with Eren… as she wandered further into the forest of life and society and relationships, she lost some of that simple injunction... to live is to fight, to fight is to win. She, like so many of the 104th and the others on this journey, found that it’s not enough to just fight and live and be satisfied. We really want it all to mean something, to have our actions be redemptive. To allow ourselves to believe that we do what we’re doing because we’re not just saving ourselves, but saving others, “saving the world” like Yelena points out (in the forest therapy session pfff). And it’s that drive for something bigger in our actions that grieves her so much with Eren, because as she wants her own actions to be fundamentally good and selfless, she wants his actions to be moral as well.

So while Eren is the person that frustrates Mikasa and motivates her to become stronger and braver than she ever was, Armin is the person who humanizes Mikasa and allows her the space to be gentle and vulnerable. She comforts Armin, confides in him, puts her faith in him, and puts her life in his hands.

She trusts Armin with Eren, and she values Armin’s intellect and compassion, qualities she doesn’t have in nearly as much quantities as he does: “There are only so many lives I can value. And… I decided who those people were six years ago. So... you shouldn’t try to ask for my pity. Because right now, I don’t have time to spare or room in my heart.”

This bit from her confrontation with Ymir and Historia was a defining moment for me with Mikasa. It’s honest and realistic in a way that few of us care to admit about ourselves, and it’s just super chilling and badass coming from her, too. It also shows how much she fights for Armin and Eren both. They are the two people she loves the most in the world, and she never gave up on saving either of them––from death or from themselves.

I’m looking back on Trost now and finding so much irony with the ending to SNK. In Trost, she was the one to give up on Eren, telling Armin that it was hopeless to try to extract Eren’s personality from his Titan form. And yet, like in the end, it’s always been between Armin and Mikasa to try to salvage Eren’s humanity. In Trost, Armin tells Mikasa to leave––to go do what she’s good at (saving lives)––and to entrust Eren to him.

It’s a huge expression of both Mikasa’s trust in Armin, and her belief in Armin’s abilities and friendship for Eren. And in the end, it’s the two of them again debating on if there’s any humanity left in Eren. The bond they share is intimate and deep. With all the military doubting Eren and scheming to take away his Titan (with even Jean and Connie unavailable to them emotionally), it’s only Armin and Mikasa against the world––the only two people who can truly consider Eren’s actions and hold off on judging him. And you can feel their love for him even as they doubt him.

And like back then, it has always been Armin who understands Eren most, the one who recognizes his own evil and Eren’s and finds a redemption in having others stop you, because you cannot stop yourself.

And that’s the thing I really take away from SNK and from Mikasa’s journey, that we all have devils inside us, and yet there is still beauty to be found, within us and in the world––from the natural wonders that Armin dreams of, to the comfort of purpose and companionship that Mikasa has in Eren. Love and wonder is what redeems us of our devils. And yet love itself is complicated, and can turn ugly in its obsession. That giving up that love is what makes the love selfless and beautiful, what absolves us of the selfishness within us. That’s what Mikasa learned. And in the end, she was able to release that love for the good of the world.

So I guess to sum up, I really love Mikasa. I can see why her dogged loyalty to Eren might annoy some fans, but I think there’s a lot more to her than simply that, and in fact, her journey and growth is heart-rending and one of the most symbolic arcs of SNK and fundamental to its entire theme. She’s a badass with a lot of emotion and depth behind her cold mask.

[alluringjae]

queen of hearts - sjn

summary: for the first time, one of your star students hasn’t been fetched right after class. but when she finally does, you weren’t expecting such a fine man to be her father.

pairing: johnny x female reader

word count: 5.5k

genre: fluff, romance, comedy | ceo and single dad!johnny + ballerina!reader + modern day!au

warnings: mentions of an absent parent, johnny being an overthinker, sexual innuendos (ten saying dilf hehe), slight explicit language, technical terms of ballet, a mini reference to mean girls

author’s note: sooo i came in touch with my former dance life, which led me to write this. there are links for the variations i used; their names are underlined when they’re mentioned. i am going to get technical with ballet terms here (even when my ballet knowledge decreased), so to any dancers reading, i really did my best, so please don’t come for me or do correct me for any mistakes.

although one character and her dance background, plus the name of the setting, are real, everything else about it is still a work of fiction.

i miss dancing, no cap.

leave me some feedback, constructive criticism or hellos!

Ballet student and teacher by day, a soloist of the Korean National Ballet at night.

This was your daily routine, and it wasn’t the typical 8-5. But it’s debatable whether or not it was worse, because you’re always going overtime. That’s the thing when you’re an overachiever. Nonetheless, you loved what you do. It’s the lifestyle you gradually built since your preschool days.

Mornings on the weekdays were mostly vacant since all the kids were still in school. You’d start at 10 am for a warm-up class for the company. Before you delved into teaching and assisting, you’d train right after your lunch break. Partnering class, en pointe class, 1-on-1 sessions with choreographers, self-practice, then the company night class, that’s the organization of your week.

Now adding the teacher title, you mostly handled kindergartners to 5th graders in the academy aspect of the company. Your first teaching class would start at 1 pm. It’s when the younger students who finished their morning classes zoom into your assigned dance studio. One class would last an hour and a half, then you have a 30-minute break in between another class with the older kids. Their lesson repertoire was more strenuous due to the added across-the-floor lessons and jumps. Water was always your best friend, water refilling stations located everywhere in the company building.

You wouldn’t say you’re a strict teacher, but you weren’t shy to correct anyone from wherever you stood. You’d lightly align their arms or back properly so your students were working on the correct body parts. Compared to the other teachers, a lot of students enjoyed your kind yet frank approaches. Your former students, who’ve already gone to the higher levels, missed your lively presence and wished repeatedly that they want you back as their teacher.

“Teacher (Y/N), I miss you so much! Teacher Ten is so intense. I get the jitters especially when we’re en pointe on the floor.”

“Teacher (Y/N), Teacher Sicheng and Teacher Seulgi scare the heck out of me during partnering class. Especially when I tried to lift my partner, I keep losing focus because of Teacher Sicheng’s never-ending comments!”

Not to be sadistic, but you’d simply laugh at their minuscule complaints. Even if they’re struggling in the academy, those comments were directed to fix their techniques if they wanted to breakthrough.

“Kids, you’re going to be fine! They wouldn’t say or do those things just because they wanted to. They’re here to push you to the next level, like how I used to do with you. It’s a cut-throat industry after all.”

This was always your reply, bittersweet and truthful. Not everyone makes it, unfortunately, so if you’re really striving, you’d do whatever it takes. Throughout your career, you’re relatively impressed with how far you’ve come.

Trainee at 17, Corps de Ballet at 18, Demi-Soloist at 21, and Soloist at 23.

You’ve been a soloist for 4 years. The final stage, which was to become a principal dancer, is your running goal. Becoming a soloist was praiseworthy enough because you’ve seen so many give up in the Corps, but claiming a spot as a principal dancer has been the ultimate dream. Since you’ve watched Swan Lake for the first time at 4 years old with your parents, that’s where you found a passion for dancing and the stage. Here you are years later, practicing numerous variations daily, performing in opera houses, and mentoring all these gifted kids.

Your last class with elementary kids, which began around 5 pm, reached its end once all the students curtsied in front of you and scurried to their mothers or their nannies. The remaining plan on your agenda today was the company class at 7:30 pm, which exceeds the average hour and a half. It’s worse during show season. There have been times everyone went beyond midnight to polish every scene from head to toe.

Currently, there’s no upcoming show for the public, though the annual summer recital for the students was around the corner. Selected members of the company were chosen to perform individually in it, which was both exciting and intense. It’s also because it’s an evaluation on whether you’d get promoted in status or staying put. You’ve partaken in 3 recitals in the past, two of which elevated you from the corps and demi-soloist ranks. The recent one, however, didn’t change your soloist ranking.

It was a major first in your career in ballet, and after finding out the result of the latter, it emotionally pained you. Recalling how much soul you put into that piece, the rejection from your artistic director clenched your heart. Though in time, you moved on from it and viewed it as a stepping stone. Also, Sicheng and Ten personally stormed your apartment to pull yourself together with wine and pizza after going on a short leave.

Since you were trainees, Sicheng and Ten were your best friends in and outside the company. Working daily to occasional barhopping, that’s your youth summed up. It wasn’t because you didn’t like the girls you’ve worked with (though a lot of them were fake and bitchy), but these two were frank and humorous as hell. Together, you’d help each other with your goals rather than be competitive. Over time, Ten leveled up to a principal dancer for 2 years running while you and Sicheng were still soloists. The way you’d watch Ten take all the big roles, that’s where you want to be one day.

Back in your last teaching class, the entire dance room was vacant. Since it’s mainly used for ballet classes, you’d either run through anything you’ve practiced from the company classes and polish it or warm up a little bit more.

Except for today, this was the only free time to sew a new pair of pointe shoes because your current ones were dead. Dead in a sense that the hard shell turned soft, which won’t be able to support you when you’re up on your toes. You’re not taking any risks of minor injuries especially when you’re in the current lineup of company members performing for this upcoming recital again. You have to prove to everyone that you deserve a position as a principal dancer.

As your legs sprawled in a half middle split, your sewing equipment laid in front of you like you’re about to perform surgery, a tiny girl stood by the ajar studio doors. In her neat bun and holding on to her small duffel bag, you’re convinced everyone has gone home already since it’s quite late.

You may have your priorities as a company member, but she was still your student.

“Minji!” You shouted her name, speedily waving your hand. You’re not one to have favorites, though you couldn’t help wonder how extraordinary she was. She’s always taking charge in demonstrating the lessons to everyone and improving every session in the 3 years she’s joined the academy. “Come in! Come in!”

At age 7, she’s gotten taller through the years, above the average from how you see it. She must have amazing genetics. Her legs sauntered in seconds to you. Sitting down across you, she marveled at your setup. Specifically, at the fresh pointe shoes.

“Are those yours, Teacher (Y/N)?” She perked up, caressing its soft fabric and playing with the mini bows of the drawstrings.

“Yes, it is, Minji!” You answered while trying to insert the thin thread through the small eye of the needle. “Why are you still here? Is your nanny stuck in traffic or something?”

“My nanny went on sudden leave, so my dad’s the one fetching me. But I think he’s running late from his job.”

Oh, this was a first to know about her father. In all the years she’s been your student, you rarely caught sight of him, even in recitals. Maybe he sat in an unknown section, but you’re pretty much acquainted with all the parents of your students. Even if some were snobbier than the rest because they wanted their child to have more stage time, you still got to know them out of respect. Quite odd, if you said so yourself.

After deep concentration, the thread triumphantly passed through the eye so you tied the two ends of the thread in a double knot. Seeing as Minji attentively watched you, you tasked her to cut the ribbons of your shoes according to the trail of pencil marks. This was so she wouldn’t cut it too short or too long. While she did that, you hammered your shoes against the floor to soften the hard front, bending the shank back and forth so the arch of your feet could move without difficulty later.

Minji wasn’t expecting such loud sounds, her entire body shaken awake. Her facial expression was priceless, explaining to her, “Once you get your first pointe shoes in a few years, this is one of the basic things you need to do so your feet won’t hurt too much while dancing.”

“Will you be there to teach me how to make my pointe shoes?”

“Absolutely! Come to me first then I’ll mentor you all that I know.”

The process of sewing and breaking new pointe shoes engraved your mind since your adolescent years, with changes along the way. Inspired by some tricks from your former teachers, but there were some differing rituals you followed. There’s no definite process of it, just as long you’re comfortable to dance after.

With your feet, you stepped on the hard boxes of the shoes to soften it more, creating a popping sound. Followed by sewing your elastic bands in. For your ribbons, you liked to burn the edges with a lighter so the thread of it won’t run. Kindly asking your cute assistant for the lighter beside her, you scanned the edges back and forth the flame. In seconds, the edges had a distinct mark, fully closed. From there, you slid your feet to your shoes to make final sewing adjustments. Sewing your ribbons took you another few minutes, plus adding superglue inside the shoe so the shoe won’t collapse when it unstiffens and scratching the shank with a cutter so you won’t slip later while dancing.

Voila, the final product is done! Hopefully, it can last you a week at least.

“Wow, Teacher (Y/N), it looks pretty!” Minji applauded, collecting the mess you’ve both made to dispose of later. You, on the other hand, gave her your thanks once you applied some bandages on your big toes and put on your toe pads. Slipping inside the shoes and tying them, you rose up back to your feet and headed to the bar to break them in. From plies-relevésto forced arches, the shoes gave you the sensation that they were an extension of your feet. The ease flowed through, meaning you were ready to practice your variations.

While you stepped your shoes in rosin for friction, your curious student moved to the front where the mirror lied to watch what you’ve prepared.

“What variation are you dancing to?”

“This is the Gamzatti variation from La Bayadere.” You replied, tapping the play button on your phone and racing to your position on the side. Talking a short ballet walk, you strongly prepared your arms before the music of the orchestra takes off.

This variation consisted of a lot of jumps and turns. Grand jetés, attitude turns, chaîné turns, you needed a lot of core control and proper spotting so you won’t get dizzy. The thrilling music lessened your nerves because you enjoyed learning this piece from one of the principal dancers, smiling and letting the music guide your legs. Once you nailed 3 consecutive grand jetés, the variation ended with a sus-sous and the wrists of your hands flicking upwards.

Holding it for 5 more seconds, you landed back on your feet with heavy breathing and a need for water. But before you could, small claps and cheers from Minji in front erupted. Momentarily, you’ve forgotten her presence because dancing solo puts you in your own space. You’d never let anyone take you away from it.

“Teacher (Y/N), that was wonderful! Are you performing that in the summer recital?”

Yikes, she’s right but she wasn’t meant to see it yet. Solo performances from the company members for the recital were top secret, only unveiled during the production rehearsal. Well, you didn’t think this through, but you didn’t mind.

“Can you keep a secret?”

Time ticked a lot faster today, only 10 minutes left until the company class on the ground floor whereas you were in the second. Just a few steps down the stairs away, yet Minji was still here. You only presumed that within your hour break, her father could’ve made it already. But maybe he’s stuck in traffic or at work.

“Minji, my class starts soon. Have you contacted your father?”

“I already texted him earlier, but he hasn’t responded. This happens often, he’s a busy man.” She bowed in front of you suddenly. “I’m sorry, Teacher (Y/N) for the hassle.”

“Oh no, please!” You shook your hands so she’d stop. Because this situation was relatively new, you were unsure of how to handle it. Or that was until you remembered what Ten texted you earlier. “Minji, the blinds of the main studio are going to be lifted so anyone from the outside can view us practicing. Would you like to watch until your dad gets here?”

With her insistent nodding, she situated herself in one of the seats in the front row. When you entered the main studio, your two close companions already carried a metal barre to the center and leaned towards it while observing you walking to them in your flat shoes.

“I see we have a bit of an audience here.” Ten glimpsed at the young girl, astonished by the many dancers prepping and chatting away with their cliques from the glass barrier.

“Her dad isn’t here yet, and you did say the blinds were up today. Might as well give her a show while she waits, you know.” You lifted your right leg to the top barre, stretching it with your arms.

“Hmmm, shouldn’t her dad be more cautious though? It’s getting late and it’s a Thursday. Doesn’t she have school or something?” Sicheng pointed out, discarding his muscle tee to straighten out his leotard.

“That’s not my business though. She’s just my student, and since she’s still here, I have to entertain her while she waits.”

Before your friends said anything back, the artistic director of the ballet company strutted her way to the center of the room. It’s a common rule here that once she entered, everyone must be silent to listen and race to any free spot in the numerous barres spread out if they haven’t.

“Alright, everyone. We’ll do the typical barre, then before doing across the floor exercises, I’ll be requesting those performing solos already in the recital to dance any variation tonight as another evaluation on who deserves to perform twice.” She eyed the pianist directly beside her. “Proceed first with two demi-pliés then one grand plié. Don’t forget to do the port de bras of each position.”

As the live piano music played, your focus was divided. Partly properly executing the exercise while your artistic director roamed each barre area, partly thinking about what variation to perform. This was a first for the company, and everyone was just stunned to hear the breaking news. It’d be nice to get an extra opportunity to showcase to people your potential.

30-40 minutes flew by quickly. As the guys carried the bars to the side to clear out the floor and the girls changed to their pointe shoes, the artistic director ordered all the performers of the recitals to stand in a line in front of her. Everyone else was seated around the room, so the interested eyes of everyone were on you. There were 10 performers, half are from the corps and the other half are either demi-soloists or soloists. You and Sicheng stood beside each other, internally shaking with nerves under the intimidating eyes of the artistic director. She used to be a principal dancer for the Stuttgart Ballet in Germany before moving back to Seoul, making her undeniably capable of leading all of you.

“Okay,” From her seated position observing the 10 performers, her finger pointed at you directly. “Ms. (Y/L/N) (Y/N), you perform first.”

Your nerves intensified and more sweat streamed out your upper body. Even if going first felt more relieving, no one was ever brave enough to perform individually in front of the esteemed artistic director. Principal dancers aside from Ten that you’re close with were intimidated when they have 1-on-1 or partnering sessions with her. But anyhow, in less than 2 minutes, you’d be done. This wasn’t the first time she’s had your full attention either, so you’ll treat it like the other individual performances you’ve had.

You smiled to yourself when the other soloists left you alone, while you gave the name of the variation you’re dancing to the pianist. Running to the side to put on a practice tutu, the artistic director asked, “What will you be dancing for us tonight, (Y/N)?”

“I’ll be dancing Queen of the Dryads from Don Quixote.”

The last time you did this variation was 3 years ago during the recital that didn’t change your position as a soloist. Even if this variation hurt to think about for a while, it was still one of your favorites to watch and do. Moving on, you could only muse how powerful and beautiful you felt at that time. This isn’t an easy piece to perform in your opinion. Yet according to the members of the company, this was their favorite solo of yours.

As the starting notes unfolded, you took a deep breath and elegantly walked into the frame. You only wished you wore your fake crown again for this. Minimal smiling and light arms, you imagined yourself as an actual queen who captured the eyes of many. In this case, your fellow seniors and juniors held their breaths at the captivating sight of you.

Off you go into a series of glissade jeté developpé on relevé at elevating heights, then a fouetté arabesque and another arabesque on relevé before ballet walking again to the side to dance across the stage. Sissonne to the front, right developpé to the front on relevé, pique to prepare for a single pirouette, you gracefully did a chassé to the front twice and stood on your toes with a sus-sous.

Doing it a few more times, the climax of the entire variation was nearing. Returning to the center, you took another deep breath and lifted your left leg for the Italian fouettés. Spotting to the front and back while maintaining your balance, the variation approached its end with lame duck turns, posing with your arms were positioned at a 45-degree angle, your back slightly arched and your left leg doing a tendu derriére. Your eyes reflected at the mirror in front, surveying your alignment. Once your 5-second hold was finished, you properly put your arms down and closed your back leg into 5th position.

The applause from everyone in the room roared, Ten and Sicheng wolf-whistling even for more support. It’s a usual thing every time any of you perform individually, and no one minded it. The artistic director grinned, giving a quiet clap from the front before calling out the next performer, who was from the corps. Bowing to everyone hastily, you paid more attention to spot your student by the window. She was smiling ear to ear, waving both hands at you.

“You did amazing, Teacher!” She mouthed. Hearing words of praise from members was one thing, but hearing them from students was another. You’re so used to watching them and giving them your compliments that you often forget that you’re a dancer first before a teacher. Seeing them all delighted, saying that it motivates them more, showed that you’re doing a great job teaching them. You’re a reflection of what you pass down, and all you want was for them to be the best they could be.

From her jolly expression, a tall masculine silhouette hovered a part of the window. Her instinct of giving a brighter smile when the hand of said silhouette patted her head then carried her duffel bag again, that could only mean one thing. Excusing yourself to the artistic director, you stepped out to bid your goodbye and maybe meet her father. Minji and the tall man were about to leave the building if it weren’t for your breathy voice calling them out.

“Seo Minji and Mr. Seo?”

They stopped their tracks. Minji was fast to react, familiar with your voice and racing towards you for a sweaty hug. Meanwhile, your focus shifted once the masculine silhouette came into full view. You finally understood why Minji’s growth spurt spiked up, noticing that he was taller than Sicheng.

The top buttons of his shirt were off, yet he kept his formal blazer on. His hair was a bit tousled, some strands falling in front of his forehead. He must’ve run here. Peeking through were some roots of his scruff growing. His eyebags were almost as dark as his brown hair. Yet by the way his Rolex remained spotless, you blatantly assumed that he was more than well-off. Especially when the ballet academy was one of the most prestigious ones in Seoul.

Out of all the parents you’ve met, none of them appeared youthful like him.

“Teacher (Y/N)?” Thanks to Minji, you moved your staring eyes away from him. This was another first, since meeting only the fathers of your students wasn’t your norm. Meeting young-looking fathers, to be specific.

“O-Oh,” You ate your words, suddenly blanking out. “You’re leaving me without saying goodbye, Minji? Not polite of you.”

“My father was rushing right after watching your performance, and I don’t know why.” She responded, her finger scratching the top of her head in confusion. Speaking of said father, his strong presence appeared right in front of you. The wrinkles of his forehead creased while his eyes barely looked at yours.

“Uhm,” His fingers toyed with his Rolex. “I apologize for my tardiness. I got caught up in work and all, plus her nanny le-”

“Mr. Seo.” You halted his rambling, already aware of the situation. Like father, like daughter. “It’s fine. Minji loved watching us practice while waiting, and she wasn’t a bother either. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Phew.” He swiped an imaginative bead of sweat from his forehead, displaying his relief with his playful nature.

At age 23, Johnny Seo started his own company in the fashion scene and it grew internationally in the coming years. Then when Minji unexpectedly joined the picture, he’s been multi-tasking to make ends meet. Lately, as a CEO, he has had meetings and conferences on a daily. So, his position as a single father was always tested. It worsened when he rarely has proper time to spend any time with Minji unless it’s the weekend or late in the evening. Breaking it down, it wasn’t because he didn’t want to meet you. It was more like he couldn’t when his schedules were packed from head to toe.

Having the guilt of taking your precious time, “Seriously though, I am sorry for being late. Her nanny resigned suddenly, and I have no time to find her replacement.”

“Mr. Seo, again, don’t worry about it. As her teacher and a company member, I am practically here 24/7 so it won’t be a nuisance at all if this happens again.”

“Thank you so much, Teacher (Y/N). That is your name, right?” He planted his palm on his forehead, stressed. “Being a single parent is hard. I am always forgetting things.”

A part of you couldn’t restrain from feeling sorry for his struggle. Taking care of a child should be the work of both the mother and father, not one of them being absent. You’ve feared this would harm Minji, but she’s a strong girl.

“The fact you didn’t forget to fetch Minji despite the late time is still something to be happy over. I’m not a parent or anything, but parenting, in general, is a challenge.” You added an insight, patting the head of the young girl beside you. “Cut yourself some slack, Mr. Seo. I’m sure Minji still loves you, right?”

Minji shouted a big yes, now clinging to the leg of her father. “It’s okay, dad. Really.”

Over the years, Johnny has been doubtful of his parenting skills. He was an only child, and he struggled to ask for guidance from his own parents due to the shame of having a kid at a young age. So, he’d ask for help from his other friends and co-workers. No matter how many times they’ve reassured him that he’s doing well, he’s an overthinker who always reflected on the bad scenarios. There’s also that pressure to find someone who can fill that absent position not just for Minji, but for himself too. No matter how many girls he’s asked out or been set up with, he failed in the love department badly.

It’s the soothing way you voiced out your truth that made all these negative thoughts running through his head freeze briefly. Over the past 3 years since Minji started ballet, she always had a great story about you to share. One of them was how ballet made her a lot happier because of your influence. If he had at least an hour of his day to meet any of his daughter’s mentors, it would’ve been you.

“Do feel free to call me Johnny instead.” He casually introduced himself, taking his hand out for you to shake. “Mr. Seo makes me feel like I’m at work right now.”

Despite his informal approach, you understood his intentions and returned the action with a promising smile. “Pleasure to finally meet you, Johnny.”

“Pleasure is all mine, Teacher (Y/N).”

Earlier, the nerves from performing in front of the artistic director died down fast. But for some reason, they rose back up when you’ve spoken to this man in a matter of minutes. As someone whose feelings don’t flourish in a single glance, why did this man specifically deliver you such a strong effect?

If it weren’t for Ten calling for your name by the door, you would’ve held on to Johnny’s hand longer, which would’ve been inappropriate. Letting go first, this was your cue to return to your class.

“I must head back inside, Johnny. Don’t sweat on fetching your daughter late, though she is still a student with school the following day. Right, Minji?”

Minji nodded as Johnny kept that mind, knowing where he has to improve next.  “Yes, Teacher (Y/N). Thank you again, sincerely. I’ll definitely see you again in the coming days until Minji has a new nanny.”

“That’s no problem with me at all, Johnny.”

Soon as Johnny held his daughter’s hand to exit the studio and you were re-entering the studio with an impatient Ten, he swerved swiftly as if he forgot something.

“Oh by the way Teacher (Y/N), I saw your whole performance awhile ago. I was blown away, you deserved the applause.”

Although you could only distinguish his silhouette, you didn’t suppose he watched you from head to toe. Most parents or nannies would’ve dragged their kids out of the studio once they find them like they were on a tight schedule, so this was novel to experience. That performance showed your prime too.

“Thank you, Johnny. See you again soon.”

Giving a final nod, you led yourself back to the studio, not bothering to acknowledge the erupting heat on your cheeks and entire body. Not to sound narcissistic, but compliments weren’t foreign to you. You’re conscious of the hard work that you put in your talent and if they pointed out your greatness, why would you deny it? However, receiving one from Johnny was like gearing your engine with new fuel.

Before you could try to reject these harboring feelings, Ten was fast to pick up on it. You cannot hide anything from this man at all because body language was like another language he’s fluent in (aside from the other 5). Unlucky for you, the saga continued.

“You’re so into dilfs, (Y/N)!” He shrieked in your ear, nudging your shoulder repetitively. He placed things in his own way, yet they always shocked you because it was so inappropriate. Typical Ten for you.

“Shut up, Ten!” You objected, watching the other performers. You’ve improved in ignoring his remarks over time. That was until Sicheng sat down beside you after his solo and got up in your business. That placed you in the middle of boys from the water sign clan of astrology. They just loved getting down to your love life, going raunchy and whatnot.

“Who’s into dilfs, Ten?”

“A Miss (Y/N) beside you, who met Minji’s dad awhile ago, was basically eye-fucking him.” Ten elaborated, planting his elbows on your leg and gave you a sneaky glare. “Minji’s dad is fine as fuck, guys! I’m telling you, like a literal god! I’m surprised this is the first time he showed up here after 2-3 years?”

“How come (Y/N) is always getting students with good-looking parents? Especially the single moms.” Sicheng slumped his shoulders, attempting to get your attention too. “Is he that hot, (Y/N)?”

“Yah.” Sighing with annoyance, you’ve given up trying to appreciate one of the corps dancers with her rendition of Dulcinea from Don Quixote. “Don’t speak of Johnny like that. You barely know the man, yet you talk about him so unprofessionally."

“Oh, Johnny is his name, huh?” Sicheng sing-songed, bobbing his head. He’s certainly going to stalk him later on social media, you felt it in your chest. Like it was ESPN or something.

“Talking about being unprofessional, yet you’re here referring him as Johnny, not Mr. Seo.” Ten barked back, his lips pursed and one eyebrow lifted.

Just as soon as you could retaliate, the artistic director’s velvety voice boomed the room.

“Alright, thank you to the performers. I will deliberate with the staff and principal dancers over the weekend, and let you know the results on Monday. Now please, let’s proceed to the center.”

Everyone began to spread out on the wide floor, snatching a good position so they could monitor themselves in the mirror. Maybe you’ll defend yourself later after class because now, you needed to beat everyone else and have a crystal-clear view of yourself doing these following exercises.

In the meantime, Johnny was in the middle of driving Minji home. He had a designated chauffeur, but he gave him the night off because he wanted to spend time with Minji. Around this time, she’d be sleeping soundly, but instead, she’s boosting with so much life. She hasn’t even eaten dinner yet, which was the first thing on Johnny’s agenda now.

Playing Coldplay in the car, Minji belted some lyrics from her favorite songs while Johnny smiled to himself while listening to her attentively. Taking a breath, her thoughts reverted to her fantastic ballet teacher and shared them with her father.

“Dad! Don’t you just think Teacher (Y/N) is so cool? Ugh, I want to be just like her when I grow up.”

“Oh, to become a ballerina like her, you have to work hard every day and memorize lessons fast. Are you up for it, Minji?”

“Absolutely, dad! I want to pull off perfect jumps and turns like her one day!”

In the other after-school activities Johnny enrolled Minji in the past, none of them compared to the passion she had for ballet. Her work ethic was alike to Johnny’s: if they want something, they’ll do whatever it takes to make it possible.

Aside from being a star student in her school, she’s aiming to be a star ballerina. Being the supportive father he is, Johnny was on board to do what it takes to make it happen. Unlike his parents trying to mold him into the next heir of their company, he’s all ears to the dreams of his daughter. His only dream for her was to be live long and happy, not to merely pass on anything.

Johnny lost so much in his young life, so he doesn’t want to lose Minji in any way. As much as he loves his profession, he wanted to be an active father as much as time allowed it. He mostly received complaints from others that he’s not prioritizing his time well, but after hearing your kind words, this heavy weight on his shoulders decreased. All this doubt started to vanish after meeting you for the first time.

“Dad! Isn’t Teacher (Y/N) so beautiful?” Minji honored whilst gazing at the twinkling night sky. “She loves what she does and shines at it.”

Johnny was accustomed to his female co-workers throwing themselves at him due to his attractiveness, more than flattered even to have them feeling weak for him. Yes, there were times he used it to his advantage, some he frankly turned down. 

However, the radiance you carried whether you’re dancing or not was something Johnny couldn’t cease wondering about. Unknown to him, he’s the one getting weak. Behold, an unlocked first for the confident CEO.

“Yes, Minji. I do think Teacher (Y/N) is absolutely beautiful.”