#The diaries of the empath and the nerd

[butterli5]

Remus says he's a monster but then goes out of his way to show kindness to all the beings that humans fear and dislike. I'm not talking stray cats and violent dogs, I'm talking about worms and spiders and cockroaches and centipedes and slugs, he gently cradles them in his hand whenever someone starts screaming in horror and sits there watching it with awe and wonder in his eyes at how they manage to survive in a world that conspired to hate them. And then comes Regulus who never pulls away in horror or looks at him like a freak when he spends too much time watching them. He sits there by his side and holds his hand whenever Remus gets emotional about the injustice of a world that was made to crush them under its weight. He gifts him book after book about the different types of insects, he starts blurting the full scientific name of every one they see on their walks in the morning because he reads every one of those before hand and he loves to see the small smile on Remus' face as he repeats the Latin name in quiet wonder.

[marisandini-chu-blog]

BRUCE WAYNE NEEDS MORE FRIENDS!!!

Okay... IDEAAAAA!!!

So... I’ve been binging batman and batfam fics and posts because I would die for them (but who doesn’t?) and it suddenly occurred to me that our favorite emotionally constipated person Bruce Wayne... doesn’t have a lot of friend.

Specifically, he doesn’t have a lot of civilian friend.

The only person I know I’m aware he’s closely acquainted was Harvey Dent and... well... you guys know what happened.

So yeah it made me crave to give this walking trauma of a man for some friend that actually has common sense other than Alfred and would willingly interact seemingly among the Batfam.

Kiran Devabhaktuni is one example of a marvelous OC by audreycritter (@agent-skulldrey) that I wish was canon because good God that family needs more than doctor than just Leslie and puts up none of Batman’s shits and is like a brother to Bruce. Gosh dammit I can’t get enough of him! If you don’t know him, check out Cor Et Cerebrum. Beautiful fic.

But come on, can’t Bruce have more friends in his life that’s not in one part of his life!!! C’mon DC!!! Give us some good stuff!!!

Alas, as I lament about this unfortunate circumstances, I decided to make him a friend and share it with you guys.

I’m gonna be upfront and say the OC I had in mind is just a copy-paste of Erin Gruwell with a twist. If you don’t know, go watch, read, or simply google Freedom Writers because I cried the whole day because of them.10/10 totally recommend because good God, there’s nothing more inspiring than children in bad situation manage to reinvent themselves to be better than what society believes them to be.. Which makes me think... what if there’s a Gotham!FreedomWriters and my mind began to race of this idea. 

The OC basically has similar background with Erin Gruwell, from the good part of Gotham or Bristol, who only ever been outside looking in at the criminal-ridden city. Faced with kids with difficult home life, traumatized, practically homeless, believing they live a life of war because they need to be affiliated with a gang to survive. She then learned about the wrong preconception she has on these troubles kids and decided to help them by teaching them tolerance, compassion, and understanding through writing and assigning books they could empathize and IT WORKS!!!

How does Bruce Wayne comes into this? 

Well... in the book, it was told Erin work together with a millionaire who offered a lot of charity that helps and support these kids and Erin’s teaching plan. Such as giving them computers to write a book, funding a field trip that helps them meet the Holocaust survivors, even offering these kids work and scholarships once they graduate. Someone that some of the kids of the class admits that they see him as a father figure because the ones they had were shitty. 

See where am I going with this? 

If you say, more Robins, no! Absolutely not. Bruce isn’t adopting any of them. I’m aware Bruce has a problem but NO! 

So here’s how I imagine their meeting would be. 

OC works part-time in a hotel belong to Bruce because the school was being stingy in borrowing out books for the “Special” class that admits kids with records or from low-income family as part of a charity program or something. So OC has to work to buy her class new and relevant books that would interest her students.

There was a gala, she was a waitress, and for some reason or another she meets Bruce and they start talking. What did they talk about? I have no idea. This is still the concept phase guys. I don’t know everything from about my own brainchild.  

Now, I know that sounds like meet-cute first meeting, but I want to emphasize the fact I want them to be BEST FRIENDS!  It’s possible they might have a relationship in the distant future but if they were, it would be base on the fact they were best friends first and foremost! Which make their bond that strong. 

Not to mention that OC is an English teacher so imagine if Jason Todd-Wayne, English nerd Robin extraordinaire, be in her class among all the other kids from the worst part of Gotham. Jason would be the OC’s pet teacher and OC would be Jason’s favorite teacher ( but to be fair, in this scenario, she’s everyone’s fav teach). Jason love her so much ,he wanted to be an English Teacher that can help people like OC. And Jason would actually have civilians friends he could relate and rely on instead of being an outcast among other rich friends.  

So when parent-teacher conference was underway. All the other parents didn’t come because they’re either shitty or too busy earning money to live. Imagine Bruce being the only parent arriving to find the waitress from his hotel. And because Bruce is Batman and Batman is curious as the deepest depth of hell itself, he might be curious of why a teacher from one of the most well-paid school would overwork with a double job. Especially when Bruce-secretly-a-helicopter-parent-Wayne notice the body-tells OC made when she lied about the reason when asked. 

So of course he checks, this is his son’s teacher, he needs to know there’s nothing sinister going on. 

Which led to him finding out about the fresh books that wasn’t assigned by the school, which led to him supporting her endeavor without her overworking herself because apparently she has THREE jobs just to support her one job as a teacher. Which made Bruce thinks “WTF, and I thought I’m a workaholic.”

Anyway, when the two work together they shared a deep understanding of trying to make Gotham a better place. They’re both from the good part of Gotham or Bristol  who has limited understanding about living a life in actual Gotham, just knowing that it’s a bad place. Both want to better the place, Bruce through charities and OC through her teachings. Both saw there’s hope and second chances for people of Gotham and willing to fight for it in their own way without giving up. As well as their effort to help helpless children.  

Bruce later admired greatly and respect OC because Bruce has help people both as a Wayne and as Batman, but the same as her class, Bruce finds hope in her method that by teaching compassion and tolerance, people (especially children) can change to be a better persons and live a better life. That life in Gotham isn’t one way ticket to hopelessness because of where you’re born. Not only that, but for OC to persist being kind and compassiom despite reading and seeing the cruelty Gotham has to offer.

I imagine Bruce showed his Brucie Wayne persona at first, but grew more and more lax as time passed. They both love Jason so they would bond from talking about him and Bruce might actually have a friend he can ask advice in regards to parenting. With Bruce being "Urgh, kids, you know?" And she's like, "Oh please, tell me more of your one troubled kid with my 150 one."

OC also becomes comfortable to talk about her grief of her dead mother, the divorce she recently settled, and just hangs out with Bruce. The struggle to not be jaded by the things she reads her students had to suffer. Because OC isn't only kind by nature, but she's kind by choice.

Now, in Freedom Writers the class was assigned to write a diary everyday. Including Jason. Imagine if you will, when Jason died. OC gave Bruce Jason’s diary for his birthday, and stayed. Imagine Bruce having someone to share their grief with someone who understands other than Alfred. Imagine the Freedom Writers gave a tribute to Jason on their graduation because they love him and know he would have been valedictorian had he been alive and Bruce cried for the first time since he held Jason’s dead body. 

I have other ideas relating to OC but it’s more Jason’s perspective. Let me know if you want to read more of what I have in mind because I’ve word vomit enough. 

[littlepanduh-writes-365]

Day 46

Title: “Sand”

Description: So as you may or may not know, I got laid off due to COVID. I used to be a coastal/geotechnical engineer. One day, I sat by the beach and just thought about life. I was reading milf smackdown and there was a scene where Haseul and Vivi were sitting by the ocean and thinking about life. I used to do that with my friends in college so it really just brought back a lot of memories. Anyways, I was thinking about this phrase I always read how “life falls apart as quickly as you pick it up, similar to the sands at the beach” or something like that. I wanted to empathize with that, but I actually wasn’t experiencing it and it made me think. This is just a bunch of my thoughts and it kinda pertains to engineering. It’s okay if you don’t fully understand it or disagree with it. tbh, don’t bother reading it unless you have nothing to do and have time for a diary entry about life. 

Features: Jinsoul (Loona)

Word Count: 1,598

Tags: Angst

Jinsoul sits at the beach, contemplating her life. 

It’s been three months since she’s been laid off and she’s trying to find a sense of direction. Suddenly, the world is full of options and she doesn’t know which ones she wants to take and how to even go about those options. 

It drives her nearly insane, which is why she sits by the water. It’s an open and endless void where she can spill her thoughts, even the crazier ones. It’s the deep blue that engulfs her with loneliness. It’s her safe haven.

The sounds of the waves crashing and the seagulls crying keep her grounded, yet her mind is still scrambled with all the problems in her life. 

She has an endless list and she doesn’t know what to tackle first. It’s impossible to organize her thoughts.

Happiness. Work. Housing. Family. Friends. Hobbies. 

Work. That’s what Jinsoul decides to focus on today. It’s the heaviest topic and the one that’s been affecting her the most. If she can figure out what to do about her career, she’ll be able to fix the other problems. 

Again, she starts listing what her frustrations are. Why can’t I get a job? Where did my motivation go? What was the point of this degree? Did I choose the wrong path?

Her mind drags to darker thoughts. If she was sitting at home, she’d probably backpedal everything and start at square one.

You’ve already earned your degree. You can’t turn back time. 

She’s beyond annoyed. She had always thought that after she got her degree, her life would come together. It was the exact opposite. 

This is where she gets stuck.

The wind blows at her hair and the sun makes it slightly unbearable to see, but Jinsoul refuses to leave, not without an answer.

Like the openness of the ocean, she decides to let her messy frustrations out. 

Okay. What do you regret about your degree? Let’s just let it out.

I regret not taking my time with my classes. I regret having horrible time management. I regret taking specialized classes because I can’t use them anywhere. 

Jinsoul comes into terms that she can’t do anything about her regrets and decides to throw them away into the unknown of the ocean. 

Do you… really want to change career paths?

It was a thought she was scared of. The idea of starting over wasn’t new, but was terrifying. 

Ever since she was a little kid, Jinsoul had dreamed of being an engineer. She enjoyed building Gundam models and excelled in her math and science classes, so counselors encouraged her to take this course. Of course, in university, she explored other options, but didn’t dare to dig deeper.

Maybe she should have.

Jinsoul hugs her knees as she thinks about those what ifs. 

What if she pursued music? She loved choir so much. She loved her composition classes. Jinsoul never chased that dream because she knew it was going to come with a lot of emotional baggage, competition, and potential failure.

She bitterly laughs thinking that she was going through all of that right now. 

Jinsoul sulks over the “dream”, but not for long. 

The young adult remembers where she came from. 

She studied at a prestigious polytechnic school for four years. She had won many design awards and scholarships. There were many times that she wanted to give up, but she never did. This all had to count for something. 

What was that something? 

JInsoul remembers late nights at the labs. She would yell at her computer when errors popped out on her screen or when her modeling program crashes. Her colleagues would share coffee and tears together. 

She remembers the catharsis after she finished a proof, the relief of submitting a final design at 11:58PM, the drinks she had with her group mates after finals’ season. 

It was painful. It was pleasure.

“Have you been eating well?” Her mom would say during a phone call.

“Yes,” Jinsoul lied.  

It was her motivation: to stop lying about her wellbeing, to grow up. 

It was 12-year-old Jung Jinsol building a little Gundam and then 22-year-old Jung Jinsol drafting the blueprints of a biomechanical arm. 

Those four years in university meant a lot to Jinsoul. It was tiring and rewarding. Why did working for six months and getting laid off for three put that to waste. 

Everyone says that working is different from school. Was it going to be this different?

Let’s take another step. What was wrong at work?

This list was much more constructed, but also longer. 

First of all, her boss was aloof all the time. Sure, she could have been more independent, but her boss didn’t check on her work, even in the beginning. She had a hard time adjusting to her coworkers since they never really did any sort of team bonding and just kept to themselves.  

Jinsoul. It’s not your fault. No one knew COVID was going to happen. 

You can’t control the economy crashing. You can’t control the fact that you’re the newest hire and you were first in the chopping block. 

Yes, it sucks. It sucks you moved away from home to pursue your job. It sucks that your peers still have their jobs. It sucks that all the hobbies you started had no chance of developing. It sucks that you’re going to have to move back with your suffocating parents and starting from square one again. 

It’s still not your fault. You knew there were going to be risks in joining a small company. That doesn’t replace the fact that something as crazy as COVID-19 was going to turn your world upside down.

Why did it happen to me though?

Jinsoul grips at the sand at her feet. 

She’s reminded of people comparing their downfalls to the sands at the beach. How their life is like the sand falls in your fingertips despite grabbing onto it so tightly. How it falls apart as quickly as you pick it up. 

That… wasn’t the case for Jinsoul.

Sure, the finer pieces of sand fell, but there were tiny clumps that stuck to her hand and had to break apart on her own.

Jinsoul stared at the clumps in her hand. She ponders as to why she wasn’t experiencing the universal metaphor that many people used.

Is it because she’s closer to the water? Is it because it’s not too hot outside?

She remembers the foundations classes she had to take. She remembers how permeable sand is and wonders how much water she needs to achieve a relative capacity in order for it to be used as a solid foundation.

Then it hits her. 

Maybe that’s where she is in life. 

She hasn’t strayed too far away from the ocean. There was enough saltwater and maybe even some algae that could bind the pieces of sand so it wouldn’t fall apart immediately. 

Even though she’s a few feet from the tip of the waves, she must’ve been sitting where high tide may have been a few hours ago. She’s so close to the water, and who knows, maybe the tide will come back again soon. 

She can’t be too close, or her foundation will be unstable, similar to her drowning in work. She just needs a little more moisture. She needs more compaction—motivation to get her back on her feet. 

Jinsoul still had a chance. She just needed to take it. 

She closes her eyes again, listening to the calmness of the waves. 

She wants this, but how does she go back to it again? Where does she find her motivation?

It’s a new realm, but she’s creating another list. Maybe she can ask her friends about their research. She’ll try applying for a new job. She’ll reread her textbooks and solidify her knowledge. 

Her train of thought is interrupted by a vibration in her pocket. She pulls out her phone to see a text message from her best friend. 

“Are you still at the beach? Do you want me to pick you up?”

Jinsoul smiles, thankful that in these hard times, she still had friends she could rely on. Before replying, she checks the time, only to realize that she’s been pondering at the beach for nearly an hour and a half. 

She stands up and collects her flip flops. Deciding that was enough thinking for the day, she makes her way back and asks her friend to pick her up. 

Maybe Jinsoul didn’t get all the answers she wanted, but she found some clarity and that was better than nothing. 

Life is like the sand at her feet. It may fall quickly in between her fingertips, but when compacted together, it could hold her entire weight and much more. 

She was feeling hopeful. 

People make castles out of sand. You just needed water, maybe some molds, and a little creativity and motivation.

Maybe when Jinsoul comes back, she’ll be able to build her sandcastle. Sure, there are many things that could break down a sandcastle, like the wind, the waves, or an unaware passerby, but maybe at least she knows she could always build it again. It’ll be frustrating, but all she needs to do is clear her mind of negative emotions and fill them with innovation again. 

Who knows? Maybe she’ll add a mote or just build a completely different sculpture. She’ll use different materials (sand isn’t really the best thing to work with anyways) and maybe she’ll build it with someone else. 

It wasn’t the end for Jinsoul. 

Part of her thinks she’s such a nerd for comparing her life to the structural stability of sand at the beach, but maybe that’s exactly what she needed. The connection was comforting. She hadn’t lost herself under the tide just yet.

--

Socials: Twitter | Curious Cat

[singingvio]

WOW I CANNOT BELIEVE I FORGOT THESE TWO FOR DEM NERDS. Okay, Zelda from BotW. I know all of them represents the triforce of wisdom, but BotW Zelda is the nerdiest of them all. And also Alphys from Undertale. for obvious reasons

OH YEAH ALPHYS!

And, yes, Zelda, she’d be great!!!

So here we go--

Alphys (26??? Ish???), Undertale -- This genius scientist is very shy and timid but emotional and is good at empathizing with the others (even the mean ones coughcoughMaxcoughcough) She loves to talk about her projects but often gets too embarrassed. Thankfully, the other members are always there to help her overcome her anxiety when she needs it. When she gets confident enough, she’s one of the happiest people there, and most excited.

Princess Zelda (17), Breath of the Wild -- Zelda is a powerful princess who was trapped in a castle for a century and there’s no way anyone’s going to boss her around and she’s not scared of anyone-- except the others when they’re extremely sleep deprived with no coffee. Despite not being the official leaders, she can boss everyone around like... well... a boss, and some consider her one of the smartest in the club despite how she’s more emotional than everyone else. She loves ancient technology and writes everything down. No, it’s not a diary.

[thedrunkenminstrel]

Malk’s top ten ships

So @parttimebetawarrior did it and I’m nothing if not a copy-cat so I decided to be a pain in the butt and write a thing about my favorite fictional ships. Come to me tomorrow and this list will probably change and jumble around, but they’re still relationships I love from stories that helped me out. 

So check it out if you want. 

10)Yukiteru Amano/Yuno Gasai

Future Diary has a lot, and I mean a lot of problems. The girls are all fetishized to an uncomfortable degree, and a lot of the diary powers only make sense upon multiple readings viewings, and there are points of it that are just interesting drags.

But the relationship between Yuki and Yuno, as deeply unhealthy as it is (deliberately so) is a fascinating story of two terrible people falling in love. Do either of them deserve love? Maybe not? Does love make them better? Absolutely not. But they still need it in a world that has been cruel and awful to them, and maybe that’s the only thing that matters. Especially to a pair of broken, horny teens.

Plus they actually bang, and when was the last time that happened in a manga?

9)Rock/Revy from Black Lagoon

Two for two in unhealthy ships. Revy is a gunslinging berserker who has never known a peaceful life and Rock is a brilliant but repressed office worker who gets dragged into the crime-ridden streets of Roanapour. It’s a classic story of people from different worlds coming together like you see in movies like Titanic or Romeo & Juliet.

What makes Rock and Revy different though? Well, violence honestly, and each character’s relationship to it. Revy both disdains Rock’s previously peaceful lifestyle and is envious of it. She respects and even loves Rock in her own broken way, but can’t get over his naivete and his privilege that keeps him from understanding why she would do something like graverob. Rock knows he should be horrified and disgusted by what Revy does, but finds her and her way of life incredibly seductive.

8) Shirou Emiya/Rin Tohsaka from Fate/Stay Night

Yeah yeah, I’m tsundere-loving trash, what do you want from me? These two are great together though, and they compliment each other both in a relationship and combat, and it’s fun to see Shirou’s cool-headedness and dumbass bluntness bounce of the much more self-aware and insecure Rin.

And they respect one another, though for Shirou that respect takes some earning. There’s a journey here of both of them learning and becoming better people, as they fight through the insanely complicated world of Fate. Plus, Shirou grows up to Archer. He ages well. Good going, Rin.

7) Gomez Addams/Morticia Addams from the Addams Family

Ah finally, a healthy one. They’re creepy and they’re kooky, mysterious and spooky, they’re a functioning family unit. For all the weirdness of the Addams and how much people are freaked out by them, they’re undeniably healthy: endlessly loving and romantic to each other and equally doting on their… less healthy children. They do them and they’re happy, especially when they’re doing each other, and that’s what a good relationship’s all about.

6) Kobayashi/Tohru from Dragon Maid

Another anime with a lot of problems, namely in its loli and shota shit, but the relationship between Kobayashi and Tohru is something that makes the show more than worth it.

People argue about the sexualities of the character so I’m just going to say that I see Tohru as a lesbian and Kobayashi as bi. Much like the Addams, what makes this relationship work for me is the combination of the fantastic and the domestic. Tohru is a dragon with cosmic powers that cooks steak for her career woman girlfriend, and despite being a bit of a grump, Kobayashi is fascinated and engaged with Tohru, even though Tohru needs to learn to turn it down. There is a genuine tenderness to the relationship and a message of not just understanding each others’ differences, but learning to love them.

5) Peter Parker/Mary Jane from Spider-man

Okay, this relationship has been through its rough patches: retcons, a miscarriage, and that godawful ‘smoker’ subplot, but there’s a reason people keep going to these two: They work so well together.

People say Gwen Stacey is the best Spider-man girl, but they forget that Gwen’s hatred of Spider-man kept her from ever being able to love Peter Parker in his fullness and kept Peter from being able to be honest with her, but Mary Jane is the one who could take Spider-man and Peter Parker as a whole, noble, messed-up package.

Peter Parker, the self-obsessed nerd and Mary Jane the empathic party girl complement and teach each other. Mary Jane can understand and be there for Peter in a way others can’t, and Peter can bring the quiet intimacy she can never have in her life, though admittedly that comes with the stress of a superhero husband. 

4) 2B/9S from Nier: Automata

And back to my horrifically unhealthy ships. Nier: Automata’s a heavy game, dealing with existentialism and the cycle of violence. I’m pretty sure I’ve talked these two to death time and time again, but I love repeating myself so:

2B and 9S are creatures created for violence to do violence, specifically for a repetitive, cyclical war and have been defined by that their whole life. Through that entire thing, what have they had except for themselves? When you factor in the violence and resentment that has a weird parallel with a lot of real life relationships, you get something that feels raw and violent, but nonetheless filled with love and pain. That’s what the world is after all: it’s cruel and filled with pain and everyone is going to hurt you, even the one most important to you. But there’s hope and there’s love and we can keep going for that.

3) Kraft Lawrence/Holo The Wisewolf from Spice & Wolf

Spice & Wolf gets a reputation which, while not entirely undeserved, has more to do with its marketing than the content of the show. It was a show that surprised me so much the first time I watched it. I didn’t realize a romance show could be like this. I didn’t know fantasy shows could be like this. I didn’t know anime could be like this. It was so down-to-earth and subdued and, despite its fantastic setting, real.

Then there’s Lawrence and Holo. While Holo’s definitely a magical girlfriend who comes out of nowhere, it avoids the anime cliches. She doesn’t bring Lawrence into a world of adventure or save him, but rather they enter a partnership, and in the most brutal terms, that is what a relationship is.  It’s a level of maturity that permeates the relationship that I love. There is friction and dire points, and the characters screw up, but in understandable ways, and they work to amend it. The anime isn’t above some ‘hurr durr I walked in on her naked’ nonsense, but the two handle it like adults rather than like overactive cartoon characters. Lawrence himself will also actually flirt back with Holo and comment on her ‘nice tail’ ho ho ho. It’s nice to see a male lead in an anime that’s somewhere between completely agency-less and a predatory creep.

In any case, if you haven’t seen Spice & Wolf, please see Spice & Wolf, it’s the best romance anime made.

2) Okabe Rintarou/Makise Kurise from Steins; Gate

Hot damn, where do I start with these losers? I’ve made no secret that I find a lot of parallels between these two and my own relationship, an abrasive nerd who shows affection by being verbally obtuse and somehow has managed to gather a group of friends through some weird force of personality and a charming brilliant girl who gets easily flustered by the teasing, but also enjoys terrorizing the other party as well. I love the model of bickering made out to be flirting, and it never feels more genuine than here/

Beyond that, they’re just purely lovable people and their entire progression of romance just feels, again, real. They feel like real people feeling real emotions. They’re not as mature as Lawrence and Holo, but they do care and grow and ultimately, the show becomes about what you will do for the most important person in the world to you, as well as understanding what makes someone the most important person in the world to you.

If you haven’t watched Steins; Gate WATCH STEINS; GATE

1) Minato/Aigis from Persona 3

I played Persona 3 during a very hard time in my life. So that probably influences stuff, but boy. These two, guys. These two.

Minato and Aigis approach life in a weirdly similar way. Aigis has just entered into understanding what life is and Minato is a step away from the ledge at the point where they meet. Aigis is single-minded, and Minato is detached… it seems at first that the relationship is superficial, and later it is.

Being close to Minato hurts Aigis numerous times, including the most painful final time, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have done it or that it was worthless. Persona 3 is a game about how life will hurt you, but life is still worth living. That’s Aigis’ last lesson to learn by the end of the game. She ends up fighting not for the world of humanity, or even her friends, but for one man she found. And you don’t need to save the world to find meaning in life. All you need is something simple, like someone to take care of.

And damn are those not some of the best words ever put in a video game.

[tilly-tarot-card-readings]

3 Magical New Tarot Decks 2020 to Supercharge Your Intuition Today

There are some beautiful Tarot Decks 2020 out that will inspire a deeper connection with your intuition. Each year hot new releases of tarot decks are published with beautiful artwork that excite new interpretations and messages for us. The start of this year has seen a fantastic amount of new Tarot Decks 2020 and I am here to showcase 3 of the most ridiculously stunning Tarot Cards.

It is a fabulous way to refresh your view on what’s available for Tarot Decks 2020 or to buy as a gift so go ahead and treat yourself to a new Tarot Deck today. If your looking for some new Tarot Cards and would like to view selection of

Learn Tarot Books I also have a blog post on this too.

(Links are to Amazon for you — I receive a commission if you buy one which helps support the blog so thank you in advance).Here are my 3 Magical New Tarot Decks on Release soon (you can re-order on Amazon now for a lower price).

The Muse Tarot by Chris-Anne on pre-order now with Amazon.

Infused with a wildly eclectic spirit, The Muse Tarot will illuminate your path toward inspiration and magic with its bright symbolism and powerful Muse energy through Tarot Cards. The suits are recast as Emotions (Cups), Inspiration (Wands), Voices (Swords) and Materials (Pentacles) to deliver messages from the source of creation. The detailed guidebook contains card meanings, poetry and word prompts to offer insight into your readings while stoking the sparks of your creativity. Ignite the Muse within! Tarot Decks 2020: Buy The Muse Tarot Through Amazon (I receive a small commission which helps support the blog).

About the Illustrator Chris-Anne of

The Muse Tarot Deck.

Chris-Anne Donnelly is a deck creator, artist, and magic-maker, as well as a marketing strategist and owner of Pixelbrand — a branding and graphic design company. She has successfully Kickstarted three independent card decks: The Sacred Creators Oracle, The Light Seer’s Tarot, and The Muse Tarot and she offers unique courses for creators that combine marketing and branding with manifestation and intuition.

The Star Spinner Tarot: (Inclusive, Diverse, LGBTQ Deck of Tarot Cards, Modern Version of Classic Tarot Mysticism)

Let the stars light your way . . .

Enter a world where fairies play, mermaids yearn, and threads of the familiar and fantastic are spun together to guide you on your own personal journey. Featuring beloved indie comic artist Trungles’ enchanting illustrative style, the Star Spinner Tarot reinterprets classic tarot imagery for a more inclusive and diverse reflection of the modern world, with illustrations drawn from a wide range of stories, myths, and fairy tales.

Contents: 81 full-colour cards and a 160-page guidebook * A great gift for tarot collectors and enthusiasts, or anyone seeking guidance and personal growth * Perfect for anyone seeking a modern, diverse, inclusive, or LGBTQ+ way to explore the tarot * Traditional tarot decks are 78 cards; this set contains 81 cards, including multiple Lovers cards to reflect a range of romantic expression

About the Illustrator of the

Star Spinner Tarot.

Trungles (Trung Le Nguyen) is a Vietnamese American comic book artist and illustrator. His work explores diaspora stories, LGBTQ+ themes, and the role of fairy tales in the popular imagination. He has contributed work for Oni Press, Boom! Studios, Limerence Press, and Image Comics, as well as the blog The Nerds of Color and the podcast Asian America. Buy the Star Spinner Tarot Deck Through Amazon (I receive a small commission which helps support the blog).

About The Legendary Ladies Goddess Tarot Deck

Creativity. Love. Balance. Courage. Reinvention.

Find your goddess within and tap into your inner strength with this empowering deck of 58 goddesses from beloved artist Ann Shen. The cards feature colourful portraits of female deities from around the world, and the accompanying booklet describes how you can invoke their unique powers in your own life. Let these legendary ladies lead you toward your ultimate destiny. More about the Legendary Ladies Goddess Tarot Deck can be read about in my Blog Post Here.

Select a goddess based on your needs, pull a card to let fate guide you, or do a full reading to discover what the universe has in store. * A must-have for the modern mystic and feminist historian alike

* Also makes a great gift for anyone interested in spirituality, personal growth, mythology, or the Tarot

Includes: * 58 full-colour cards, each depicting a goddess * 80-page booklet with descriptions of the deities and their mystical powers, and instructions on using the cards as a tool for self-discovery.

About Ann-Shen the Illustrator (Direct from her About Page)

“I’m Ann Shen and I’m an illustrator, letterer, and author based in Los Angeles. With over eight years of industry experience, I’ve had the honor of working with an incredible roster of clients including Disney, Facebook, Papyrus, and the New York Times. I’ve worked on everything from theme park design to fashion doll packaging, editorial illustrations to apparel designs. I’ve spoken about my work, finding your passion, and following your curiosity at Art Center College of Design, California College of the Arts, and more.” Tarot Decks 2020: Buy the Legendary Ladies Goddess Tarot Deck Through Amazon (I receive a small commission which helps support the blog).

Written by Tilly Tarot

Tarot Card Reader/ Blogger/ Creator of

TillyTarot.com

. Over 30 Years experience as a Tarot Reader and as seen in National Magazines High Spirit + Soul & Spirit.

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[eschapters]

Chapter 30: Midst of Heat

It was late at night. Alair had rushed to a room in the clinic. He was filled with relief and astonishment at the sight of the white haired girl covered in scratches, bruises, bandages, and maybe even burns. The thing he noticed first was the patch on her head. She was sitting up and writing in a small book, but she sure as heck didn't seem too pleased to see Alair at all. Logan, on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen. In the room, there was only a few shelves, a bed, and a desk accompanied by a chair. On the chair hung Etalt's grass green sleeveless jacket. Right next to the bed was a nightstand and a lamp. The lamp's light was unusually bright for some reason. Alair opened his mouth to speak, but then Etalt had interrupted him. "You wanna tell me I'm weak, huh?" Etalt muttered. "What? No, no!" Alair had shaken his head, "Why would I? What happened to you, anyway?" "Let me just sum all of that up in a few words," Etalt had closed the book and placed the pen on the nightstand, "I tried to leave this stupid place with my own little trick because I'm gonna die here if I don't get out soon, but Dunn caught me. Not being able to work well with the heat, I wasn't able to focus too well and eventually... He nearly stabbed and crushed me completely to death until Logan came along and eventually ended up having to literally drag me by the arm here." It was more than Alair had expected, but he asked that one question anyway, "You're okay, though... Right?" "Mhm. I would've been more than okay and probably would've set the old man in his place if that stupid rat didn't slam me into the wall and cause me possible internal bleeding," Etalt shrugged, "But I'm fine, now." "Wait, what?" Alair's eyes widened a little, "Why didn't you tell me about that?" "I could've taken care of it myself. I have my ways. Otherwise, I'd be dead by now." "At least you're alive... But are you sure you're okay?" "Yes, I told you. I'll be perfectly fine," Etalt raised her hand with the bloodstained sleeve and scratched the back of her head, "Just go finish your challenge or something. I'll be fine. I'm not dying, am I?" "You looked like you were..." Alair had leaned himself at the side of the wall, "Even Ryllis thought you were gonna die, which is why I rushed here when she explained more." "Well... Calm down, I ain't going anywhere," Etalt had grabbed the pen from the nightstand and opened her book again, "I mean if I'm not exposed to too much heat or anything, then I'm fine." "Then what about that thing on your head?" Etalt reached up to feel for whatever Alair was talking about, "Geez, you worry too much. Cut it out, nerd! It's not like I'll bleed to death from this!" "I wouldn't be worried if I didn't know who you went up against," Alair sighed. He pursed his lips again upon realizing what he said, "Shoot, sorry. Okay, I'll try to stop worrying." "Good. Leave it that way," Etalt started move her hand over the book with her pen, "Now go back to the mansion. I can take care of myself." "If you insist..." Alair was about to turn to leave, but stopped, "Where's Logan, by the way?" "Oh, the hooligan?" Etalt scribbled a little more before closing the book once again, "He went back to the mansion before you came." "Hm..." Alair had went to the chair and sat down on it, "I just thought of this, but I don't really think you mean it when you say you hate him." Etalt had slipped the pen into her pocket, "Why?" "The way you guys talk is like you two have known each other for years!" Alair rested his head on his hand, "Don't lie. 'Liars go to hell,' you said." Etalt rolled her eyes, "Freakin' fine. I'll just say he's like family," A scoff had slapped her right in the face right as she said that, "A big brother, probably. Probably the one I've never had or was never given... But he's just... Egh... He seems to be hung up about his 'lost friend' or something." Alair had reached into the pocket of his jacket. He pulled a small pink book out of it. "Where did you... Get that?" Etalt was now giving him a long and hard stare. "I snagged it from Dunn's room! Where else?" Alair sneered. He opened the cover of the book. "HEY! OPEN THAT AND I'M GONNA BLAST YOUR HEAD OFF OVER THE FREAKIN' SEVEN SEAS AND INTO THE DEAD ONE!" Etalt didn't even give any regards about the volume of her voice. Alair flipped the page, and on to the first entry of the diary. He read it out loud, "Dear Diary, I get to keep you since big sis gave you to me! I'll be good to you, o- OW!" A burning sensation on his hand had caused Alair to let go of the diary and hold his own hand. Etalt glared, her finger positioned as if it were a gun itself. She reached down for the book herself to pick it up. "I'll be keeping this, thank you very much," Etalt had slipped the diary into a pocket in her jacket, "Now go back to the mansion before I get Raika to freeze off your whole hand!" Through the pain of his hand, Alair groaned, "Okay, okay! I'm going!" And so, Alair went back to the mansion. He slept, but kept his hands completely covered. Tonight's dream was surprisingly pleasant. Alair was walking through a desert area with a person that was shorter than him by an average amount. The two laughed, and even tried to pester Dunn into trying to do something with them. When Alair looked at the person, all he was able to see were dark clothes or so. He couldn't quite tell whether the eyes were blue or brown. It was confusing to him. But then, that dream had came to an end due to something trying to shove at him. "Hey, Alair... Wake up..." Alair looked up to see Fabian holding the yellow orb. It was dark, so only Fabian's eyes and the orb's follow could be made out. "Hm... What is it...?" Alair's voice was sluggish. He looked up at the clock on the wall. It was only 5:23 in the morning. "Dunn wants to talk to you," Fabian had whispered. Alair got up, throwing off the blanket. He tried to look around. It seemed that he had forgotten the events of last night for a bit, "...Why so early?" "I'm not sure, either. It's Dunn, remember?" Alair got off the bed, getting up to throw his jacket over his white shirt, "I didn't think he'd get up to actually do something around five in the morning..." "This is urgent... Please come." "What level of urgency are we talking about here?" Alair had asked. "Very," Fabian responded, "It might have something to do with you being able to be released from this place. The two boys had headed over to a small shack around the training grounds. Within the shack, Dunn was slamming a hammer on a piece of metal in front of him. The sounds of footsteps had pulled his attention from the piece of metal. Fabian had walked up to Dunn before pulling a part of the yellow orb off and placing it in his hands. Dunn had cleared his throat, "So you came, even after what I did to your little friend?" Alair slowly nodded, still worried about setting off the temper of the man. He uneasily shuffled his feet, looking around, "That orb still works, right?" "Still does," Dunn looked down at Alair's feet, then let out a small puff of smoke through his nose, "Are ya afraid of me pummeling ya into a pulp because of yesterday? Nothing to worry about, kid. Take a seat. I have the Amnesis Pearl of Empath." Dunn motioned his head towards three metal chairs and a single metal table. Alair and Fabian had sat down on the table and watched as Dunn had continued to hammer at the object. "I knew a kid like you. Age of fourteen. His name was Niko," Dunn spoke, "Persistent... optimistic... had some level of caring for others... The only difference is that he was smarter and less annoying than you were or ever could be." "Hey! I'm not that stupid or annoying, am I?" Alair sat up in his seat, seeming bitter about the statement. "Calm down, kid. I'm telling you a story. Take the time to enjoy it," Dunn had grabbed on to the metallic object and threw it into the water-filled basin, "There were also two other kids I knew. Their names were Airis and Alya. I'm pretty darn sure ya went to that fine looking woman near Fond Town, you should have at least seen a picture that included those two." "I think he means Eucharis," Fabian had stated. Alair tapped his fingers on the table as he took a moment to think, "...You mean the girl that wore a grey coat and the one that wore a black jacket in the picture?" "Yeah, the runt that stands next to the tall one. That's them," Dunn grabbed another piece of metal, "While they were around, I treated them as my own kids before I became this damn thing that the creator of this world made me." "Guess he still curses even when he isn't mad..." Alair muttered. "When I did become this creature I rather wouldn't be, they ran away. I don't know what happened to them next... But I don't think it's my problem anymore," Dunn swung at the new piece of metal, "Anyways, on to what I wanted to say. I heard that your friend can't handle the heat of this village." "Super sensitive skin, I'm guessing?" "She comes from a region that's frequently blocked by hailstorms. Whaddya expect?" "She never told me that." "She's a secretive little kid. She always refuses to say anything," Dunn had swung once again at the piece of metal, "So, since your little friend can't survive out here... and I also don't want this village to be flooded... I'll let you do one last challenge." Alair knew he was screwed, even if it was the 'last challenge,' "Let me guess... I have to defeat you in some kind of duel, huh?" "Mhm." "Thought so. They told me about it." "Not quite surprised," Dunn tossed the hammered piece of metal into the basin, "So, whaddya say to that?" Alair shifted his feet uneasily again. He glanced at Fabian for a little, then faced Dunn, "Can I... have some training, maybe?" Dunn tapped his foot, then sighed, "Fine. You should be at the center of the village at one p.m., sharp! No holds barred." "That's fine by me, probably." And so, Alair ended up training with Fabian. Holly had volunteered to help as the one who made obstacles for him. However, for the most part, Alair utterly sucked at fighting. Even just landing a strike on Fabian took almost an hour to do. He was pretty much hopeless. Even by the time it hit 12:50, he still sucked at fighting. It was almost as if Alair was just not fit for fighting. He was just decent, if he didn't suck. "Eh... Sorry, I'm just really unexperienced..." Alair had slunked down,!" After a little bit, they headed over to the center of the village. The center had happened to be a stadium, for what Alair would've assumed was for fighting in general. The arena was a huge flat field that had a beige coloring to it. There were stones with various sizes that jutted out from the smooth floor. Around the arena, the top half of the walls were made out of glass while the bottom half were seemingly made out of cement. Dunn had paced right in, being the colossal Komodo dragon again. Alair stared at the entrance to the battlegrounds. "You guys have any advice?" Alair stepped back rather than stepping forward, "Or any last words for me?" "Uh..." Holly put her finger to her chin, appearing to impersonate an intelligent person,"Good luck!" "Thanks." Alair stepped up, allowing for the staff to pop right up. He took in a deep breath, "Heyyy... Dunn... Buddy..." Dunn stepped forward. There was no warning, but there was a blast of fire. Alair moved out of the way on time, "Hey! Why don't we call this fight off, you know?" he called before laughing nervously. All that came were more flames. Alair quickly stepped to the side before attempting to swing at Dunn's face. Dunn only had head butted the staff away before his scaly throat had illuminated. The staff, conveniently, had landed some distance away. Alair was as good as dead. When he looked back at the sidelines, he saw Fabian covering his face with his beanie and Holly watching in mild confusion. Logan, Amaryllis, and Alis had seemed to join the two. Alair waved, forgetting that Dunn was right behind him. Once he heard the flames building up, Alair screeched and ran as if he were trying to pass the pacer test. The flames followed close behind, allowing him to barely escape them. He made a mad dash for the staff and picked it up. Dunn had surrounded Alair with flames, leaving him with no way out. However, the only way out was right in front of Dunn's mouth. "YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" Alair groaned, pulling at his hair. He looked up, panic and insecurity starting to pile up. At this point, he was only able to hear his thoughts, aside from the flames that licked at its surroundings, "Think... Think... Think... Where? What?" Alair jumped up, attempting to launch himself into the air by anchoring the staff into the ground and pushing himself up. It worked, but only for a short time. He landed where he wanted to be the least, probably - right on Dunn's head. Dunn spouted more flames around the arena, pacing around kickly. The lizard rammed its head into the wall, in attempts to get Alair off of his head. It worked, because Alair sucked at fighting. Alair had been sent tumbling down. He pushed himself right up, trying to make it seem as if the fall damage was nothing. However, it felt as if he had been hit by a truck. Dunn had roared, charging at Alair with his mouth set alight. He was right above the lost foreigner, who had no clue as to how to save his own life... Or that was at least what Alair was before Dunn had came close. "...Wait, haven't I seen this before?" Alair had thought, grabbing on to the staff, "...Oh! Right!" Without thinking, Alair had shoved the staff right into Dunn's mouth. Dunn had bellowed, causing Alair to pull out the staff before an enormous line of flames had emerged onto the wall. Alair, now shaking, had decided to distance himself from his opponent for now. He ran, hiding behind one of the towering stones. He shut his eyes, trying to slow down his breathing. "Oh lord, that was close..." Alair thought in between breaths, "That was just pure luck... Man, I'm gonna die here and it'll suck harder than a vacuum cleaner... Wait, who used that sentence? No time to think about that." Everything quieted down, with the exception of the fire's occasional crackles. There was something off, that was for sure. Alair slid down the stone and allowed himself to shift into a sitting position. He curled up, feeling himself trembling. "Am I... Okay? Heck no. I can barely even think..." Alair continued his line of thought, "Oh my lord... If only someone would actually step in and help..." The young teen stopped his thoughts for a second. He heard something, but he couldn't tell what it was. He listened more closely... "You can't always be helped! Don't you know that?" It was a voice, but Alair couldn't quite tell as to whether it belonged to a male or a female. It was an androgynous voice, if that was how he really remembered it. He recognized it, but he also didn't. Alair opened his mouth to speak, but he was able to hear the sounds of a crumbling rock. He quickly crawled out from the shelter of the rock, seeing it collapse right where he was sitting. Dunn was right there with a piece of the rock in his mouth. He tossed the rock towards Alair, who dashed out of the way just on time. A few pebbles had hit Alair, which had surprisingly stung. Alair looked around himself. The rocks seemed to be lined up in some order, as if they were an unlinked staircase. Alair ran to the smallest rock before stepping onto it and jumping on the next rock. He jumped and jumped, until he had gotten to the tallest pillar. He looked down below himself. Dunn was now slamming his tail at the rock. Alair was able to feel the top half of the rock jerking and giving in to gravity. Soon, the Alair could feel the rock leaning over. He could feel the adrenaline rushing through his blood as he shut his eyes and screamed for his life. The tall pillar of stone had fallen, but the feeling had suddenly came to a stop. Alair slowly opened his eyes. Around him was a gentle outline of orange. There was something about this glow that was familiar. The feeling he had was familiar as well, which was comfort. He looked over to the side of the arena to see a woman with a neatly done ponytail that hung down with her vast white hair. Her pitch black cloak had covered her gentle orange dress. A single green gem had connected the two strings of the cloak around her neck. Just by seeing her once more, Alair felt completely safe. The woman didn't seem too pleased with what was taking place. She slowly lowered her light enveloped hand, along with the stone pillar. Alair had rolled off the pillar, finding himself unable to move. He just laid there as if he were dead. "Dunn," Eucharis had muttered. Dunn looked over at Eucharis. The scales had started to disintegrate, allowing for him to take on the form of the intimidating man again. "Eucharis." Eucharis had shaken her head, "What did I tell you about hurting people?! Especially the ones who aren't from here?!" Alair had finally rolled to his side and pushed himself up, "Eh?" "He can't be trusted, Eucharis! What if he tries to kill us all?" "To the depths of the lake of fire with that! He's only a child!" "Uh... Hey..." Alair had walked up to the quarreling couple, "I'm sixteen now, but I appreciate how you look at me... Somewhat." Dunn's fist had lit up. He raised it and swung it at Alair's face, but Eucharis had raised a hand. Dunn's fist had been stopped by an orange glow. "What did I just say?" Eucharis shot a glare, looking right into Dunn's eyes, "There's a reason why I don't want to see you anymore!" "How the hell did you know that this guy was here?!" Dunn had growled. Eucharis continued to lock her eyes on Dunn, but Alair had looked over at the area where his friends were. Everyone was watching the scene unfold, but Holly had raised her hand and waved. "A tracking device on my child," Eucharis had forced her hand down as if she were trying to tear off Dunn's arm, "I'd very much like to keep my children safe, thank you very much." Dunn looked over at the others, then at Eucharis. "Listen closely to me, lizard breath... Let go of my children," Eucharis had muttered, "Let them see Raika... Let this little boy find the creator... And I won't tell anyone about your true self..." Fabian had ran right up to the three, "U-Um... Guys... N-No need for... any agreements, really... Raika seems upset..." "Hm?" Eucharis had lowered her hand to her side, "Why so?" "Weeell... You see... D-Dunn kind of... Beat up Etalt last night... A-And-" "YOU WHAT?!" Eucharis had raised her arm again before forcing it down quickly. Dunn's face had hit the floor and kissed it. Dunn lifted his head up, "SHE TRIED TO ESCAPE!!" "THAT'S NO REASON FOR YOU TO HURT ANY OF MY CHILDREN, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING PIG!" Eucharis screamed. Alair cleared his throat, "He also nearly killed her by allowing her to suffer in this environment." Eucharis' eyes glowed a deep amber. It was clear that she was completely livid. She swung her arm down again, "DON'T EVER HURT MY CHILDREN AGAIN!!" Holly had ran in, wrapping her arms around Eucharis, "But mamaaaa! Papa didn't kill her, right?" Eucharis had allowed for her hand to fall at her side, "M-Mama?" "Oh... Oopsie! My bad!" Eucharis had patted her head, "No, no... You are my child. You may call me that if you wish." Holly had giggled lightly, "Okay, but... Please stop hurting him." Eucharis sighed. She swung her foot at Dunn's face with full force before stepping back. "Where's the one you nearly killed?" "I can show you later!" Alair sighed. He crouched down next to Dunn, "So, does this mean we're free or...?" Dunn grunted, "...No." "Dunn!" Eucharis glared again, "Raika WILL flood your village if she doesn't see that any of us are keeping well!" "Damn it, fine! Only because I don't wanna have a flooded village!" Just like that, the force field around the village had slowly melted away into nothing. "Thank you," Eucharis had muttered. "Don't ever fucking do that again..." Dunn groaned before getting up. "I can't and won't promise." "Etalt! Can I come in?" Alair had slipped into the room again. Etalt was drawing once again. She sighed, looking up at Alair, "Oh... You survived." "Nah, Eucharis just came on time!" "Oh... Well, aren't you lucky?" Etalt shrugged before proceeding to draw, "So does this mean that we can get out now?" Alair grinned, "Yep! We're off to see Raika! Now you won't have to suffer anymore!" "Thank goodness... Glad this is over." Etalt continued to draw, not saying anything else. When she still felt Alair's presence, she looked up, "What do ya want?" "Aren't you gonna tell me a story?" Alair had rested his head on his palm, "Like... With Holly and Fabian?" "Huh? Oh... Don't tell me ya wanna know Dunn's backstory." "I do." "Okay, but you might not like it," Etalt had stated. "Come on... Holly's parents were abusive and Fabian's parents died in a fire. What could possibly be wrong with this one?" Alair sneered. "Well, first off... Dunn was better known for his criminal activity in his past life..." Etalt had began, "But every criminal has a reason, right? In Dunn's case... He and his wife had usually gotten into fights because his wife had been spending time with another man. It's reasonable, since Dunn gave her everything she wanted. One day, it got so out of control that his wife had left him with nothing. She even took his child with her." "Woah, what next?" "Dunn, fueled by rage and hatred for his wife, had sought out revenge for wasting a fraction of his life... But first, he had to acquire some tools. He started to rob houses and even banks. He even got to the point of murdering people," Etalt reached her hand up to her head to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, "He worked by himself. He refused to work with anyone else. I guess you could say that he was DUNN with life." This had stifled a chuckle from Alair, "Wow, I didn't know you'd have the audacity to make puns." "It's rare nowadays. I used to do it a lot... but then, no one listened to me," Etalt cleared her throat, "So anyways, Dunn kind of ha da criminal record but was never caught. He wore a mask, of course. One that resembled a lizard. It was so that he couldn't be found. He slowly became insane, killing everything and anything in his path before snatching away their belongings... But it continued until he had lit a house on fire..." Etalt tilted her head slightly, "Tell me, liar... Do you still remember Fabian's story? Do you know the answer to that question I asked?" "...Who killed Fabian's parents?" "Yes, that," Etalt nodded, "Surely, you must have an answer now." Alair paused. He slowly nodded, "I have one... It's who I think it is, isn't it?" "Yes, liar. That fire wasn't a mere accident," Etalt had muttered, "The person who had caused the fire and killed Fabian's parents... was Dunn."

[worthywriting]

Not So Swift Taylor

I sit here, attempting to write this article, a bit perplexed. Allow me to explain.. As of this day in 2013, I am currently 23 years old, soon to turn 24 before the year ends, and will be eligible to have my right to a quarter-life-crisis next year once I turn 25. My life journey is a busy one, and seems to always form a lump in my throat that drops down to my stomach as I realize that I have to purchase a larger cake to fit my growing amount f birthday candles. Already I've attended baby showers, weddings, and graduate school graduations all of people who are of, or just a few years around my age. When I go on dates now, I can't help but actually take them seriously, in hopes that it might work out, date for about 2 years, get engaged for 1 year, wait to have children for 2-3 years after marriage, and give birth to all the children I want before 35. These things have to be planned now. I'm not a young girl any longer. – No one looks at me and thinks “sweet, young, innocent girl” and I am thankful that they don't. With this age comes responsibility and a grander level of associating with the world. However, one female in particular is thought of getting by as 'forever young'.

Taylor Swift, the American singer who banks on songs she writes about her ex-boyfriends and being a 'nerdy girl' delights in being thought of as the Madonna of the Madonna/Whore complex. She writes her music that speaks to the tween generation and will pout and call those “mean” who make even the tiniest bit fun of her. She loves being the thought of as that “sweet, young, innocent girl”. Theres only one problem that I have with that. Taylor and I are both the same age. Born in the same year. She is 23, and so am I.

I would love to present on academic journals of well thought out semiotic analysis of Swift's character, whether for the childish way she portrays herself, or against, but as I've searched the internet and book shelves high and low, I could not find one article on 'Swifty'. I'm unsure why her character has yet to be analyzed to a scholarly degree, perhaps she is still seen as too pure, and unfair game.

There was an article, however, that caught my fancy, granting me with a good amount of inspiration. Barbara Read's article, Britney, Beyonce and Me – Primary School Girls' Role Models and Constructions of the 'Popular Girl',is one that takes a truthful look at what it means to be a 'popular girl', any perks that come along with the status and its effect on young females. The article thoroughly explains why young females, as opposed to young males, may feel they need a role model to look up to, and takes a poll among the girls for data of who they admire at their certain age.  

Read argues with support of a poll from school children, that most young girls would like to be the 'popular' girl, such as Beyonce or Britney Spears because it seems as if they have power and status which is what females tend to desire even if only subconsciously. This comparatively is what Swift, by way of her “young, innocent girl” demeanor is using to her advantage to tap into the psyche of that girl who idolizes Britney or Beyonce. What Swift is attempting to do is take the stigma of being labeled a “young, innocent girl”, or more frequently as she refers to herself, a 'nerd', and use it as a badge of honor. This is not a horrible idea, and in fact, I say “kudos” to the resistance of accepting the weight that comes with a called name and changing its definition to fit one's self. Where I feel she goes horribly wrong is that after claiming her name, she then goes after the 'popular' girls and makes fun of them for being who they are. She clearly states that there is an obvious paradox between her and the 'popular girl' in her 2009 hit, You Belong with Me.

“But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts/ She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers/ Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find/ That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time/ If you could see that I'm the one who understands you/ Been here all along so why can't you see?/ You belong with me/ You belong with me” (You Belong with Me, Swift 2009).

There's never any mention of how the said 'popular girl' has a bad personality, or may be a gold digger, or has a record of battery and brutality or anything. Swift leaves it up to the listener (and viewer by her music video) to come to the conclusion that because the 'popular girl' does cheerleading, wears skirts and is a favorite among school peers, that she for some reason is the enemy. The character that Swift portrays as the better option is the girl who is in the bleachers because the plays in the school marching band, wears t-shirts, and is lesser known around the school. There is a clear statement that one is better than the other, and that certain traits label the female that choses to take those traits on must abide to and hate her opposite, with no just reasoning, for. Is it that Swift is taking an eye for an eye in hopes of making herself look better than the one who called her the name in the first place? Possibly, yet it seems more that Swift put the 'nerd' label on herself rather than being her own woman. This is a song of hate, attempting to pit female against fellow female in strategy of winning a taken love interest by fighting dirty and hitting below the belt for no good reason.

One might have the argument that at the time You Belong with Me was written, Swift was 19 years old, and thus still being a teenager in her last teenage year, is granted the permission to still write songs as such to get her angst out. Yet, in 2013, as Swift is 23, her single, I Knew You Were Trouble, was released on the public with the same tone of whiney lyrics, giving the impression that she mentally remains a child and feels that the blame game is becoming.

“Once upon a time a few mistakes ago/ I was in your sights, you got me alone/ You found me, you found me, you found me/ I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that/ And when I fell hard you took a step back/ Without me, without me, without me” (I Knew You Were Trouble, Swift. 2013)

This is only one of the many songs that Swift has written where she plays the victim. Each time she writes a new song, it is unclear which of the 14 (yes, 14!!) men she has been romantically linked to since 2008 that she is singing about and whenever prompted to reveal who in an interview, she shys away from the question. Many of these love interests lasted for only a month or so, but still get a whole song dedicated to how shes so hurt, or they're mean, or she didn't know.. but what kind of sweet girl dates around so much and then, to add injury to insult, writes bashing songs about them. Not a very wise decision for someone of Swift's fame to do, especially when in the balancing act of wanting to get back at an ex and remain “America's sweetheart”, her balance may be becoming increasingly uneven to her once loyal fans as they begin to notice the many boyfriends and lack of mental growth in romance and the art of handling personal situations.

The image of a sweet, innocent, young, bubbly (and most often times) blonde singer singing songs of sweet love and dreams written down in her diary is one that is meticulously crafted by the big wigs of the entertainment industry, and once the perfect girl is found, the label will be attached to her until by her own demise, she messes it up by being human. This is, I feel, the case for Taylor Swift. Even though Swift is pop, has always been pop and has always had a very pop sound, when she first broke into the world of music back in 2007 with her first single, Teardrops on My Guitar, this girl from the city of Reading, Pennsylvania, was marketed as a 'good ole country girl from Nashville' who was brokenhearted because a boy broke her heart and now the only thing she could do was cry as she strums her guitar out in the country.

That single became a big hit with females who could empathize with Swift and felt that as a good American girl from the country, that the boy who broke her heart must've been a real jerk. But the single when released was in fact released as two singles. One with more of a country twang, and the other with light pop overtones, and since her debut back then, the music she has produced has been overwhelmingly induced with a pop vibe rather than her original market of country, yet she still is thought of as a country artist and is often nominated every year for the Country Music Awards. From time to time she might wear a pair of sparkly country boots on stage at one of her concerts and pretend to play guitar, but as far as being country goes, thats about it for her.

The more dominant pop stars of the 10's new millennium are wildly unafraid. Stars like Rihanna and Lady Gaga frequently forget their pants in favor of wearing a bedazzled pair of underwear on stage instead. Marijuana is the drug of choice that they without shame will publicly toke up. The world of pop music is dominated by females in their early 20s who are not afraid to show skin, sing songs filled with innuendo and move in a sexual nature. These females aren't thought of as young, innocent girls; they're fantasized as musical sex objects. So, with the perspective of how pop stars generally behave/dress/present themselves, it does make sense that to introduce a new pop star, but with a lighter, sweeter image, the music industry will attempt to sneak one in, faintly disguised as country music. Swift doesn't prance around in the latest fashion bikini, or flip off the paparazzi as they snap her photo, for she aims the keep her role of childlike innocence. But the problem is that Swift is a child no longer, and is only looking more pathetic with age. And attempting to keep up with the image, though growing older each day, might end up blowing up in her face by way of her fans not buying the role any more, as was the case that Melanie Lowe explains in her article, Colliding Feminism: Britney Spears, “Tweens and the Politics of Reception”.

Lowe's article is a study she conducted where in 1999, at the peak of American pop's wave, she surveyed the thoughts, comments and reactions to the most popular pop stars, with the most famous being Britney Spears, the happy blonde from Kentwood, Louisiana. She explains that as soon as she sat down with these “tween” (ages 10-12) girls and merely asked of their opinion on the pop princess that they had a wide variety of opinions ranging from waning admiration to most notably the calling Spears a “slore” (slut and whore). These reasons seemed to stem from Spears's progressively changing wardrobe from t-shirts and fashion-friendly cargo pants to belly baring crop tops and ripped jeans. Not only was it the fashion, but the way in which her songs were becoming more blatant of its innuendo. The tweens said of how they liked that she had and exercised her right to wear what she wanted, yet at the same time they found her promiscuous for doing so. The classic case of being dammed if you do, or dammed if you don't.

While I do feel that Britney Spears's path, one where she was initially and continuously marketed as an innocent, young but sexy pop princess, may have been a tad different from the road Taylor Swift is going down, I still feel that the reaction by the tweens and general public will be the same. As of lately, more and more fans of Swifts are beginning to take off their rose colored glasses they'd been disillusioned with and are starting to recognize Swift's stagnant ways in which shes not growing with her fans, but more trying to recruit whichever age is currently in their tween years.

Swift is not a nice, country girl. She never has been, but for a while she put up an almost believable front. There are only so many girls she can point the finger at before the ladies ban together and realize who the true mean girl is. There are only so many guys she can date before the public sees her as the common link and figures out that she is the problem. There are only so many times she can sing her hit single '22' until she realizes she's 44. It's past time to grow up, Taylor.. either join the real world, or save up enough money to purchase the Neverland Ranch.