#Then deal with the fact somehow that I'm finally there and our plan for this stay is to try and actually get me

[belzrgr]

Big day tmrw and I don't know if I can sleep :')

[mustainegf]

Hi! So I was thinking and got an idea.

So, in my mind, this went with Current James but feel free to do whatever era you want:). So basically James has a girlfriend who is somehow always touching him cause she gets anxious when in public with him with all the cameras and stuff. Holding his hand, having her arm wrapped around his, really just always close to him whenever they’re in public and he brings her to a lot of events.

Metallica’s doing an interview and somehow Then interviewer managed to start questioning James about why his girlfriend is constantly next to him, blah blah blah, really just criticizing the fact that his girlfriend is always next to him, and James just gets all defensive and stuff.

This is so cute, I decided to make it black album era James because I feel like this scenario is more in line with him!!

𝐃𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 ¹⁹⁹²

The spotlight is something you get used to, but it doesn't mean you ever really feel comfortable in it. It's like standing in front of a furnace, hot, blinding, and it makes you sweat in places you didn't know you could sweat. But it's part of the gig, part of being in a band like Metallica. We've all learned to deal with it in our own ways. It's just easier for me when she's with me.

We never talk much about it, but she has this thing with crowds and cameras. But it's not really a fear, she just gets this anxious vibe, like she's on edge. And wherever we are, doing interviews or appearances, she's always with me. Sometimes she has my hand in hers, sometimes she's holding my arm, but she holds on to me.

It's one of those days today. We have nothing really in plan. We are going to be interviewed about the tour and the new album. The guys and I are always overly casual, we wait for the interviewer to prepare stuff. We all sat down for it. It's supposed to be a laid back thing and not that intense. I knew the rolling cameras, blaring lights above us. It's a scene we've been through a million times.

She wasn't with me today, she had some stuff to deal with, and I told her to take the day off. She deserved it, anyway, and it's not like she has to be there for every single thing. But I felt her absence. Funny how you get used to things and then, when they're not there, you really start to notice.

The interviewer finally began, and it was all pretty standard at first: talking about the music, the shows, the fans, all the regular shit. But then, out of nowhere, the guy throws this curveball question at me: "James, we've seen that your girlfriend is with you all the time at these events. What's up with that? Is she, like, super clingy, or somethin'?"

There was a pause in which the room went kind of quiet. The guys waited to see what my reaction would be. I kind of laughed it off, you know, those annoying interviewers, they like to yank your chain a little bit. The guy wouldn't let it go, though. He pressed on with stuff like, "It's just, she always just seems to be hanging on you. Doesn't that get a little annoying?"

I'm not that great with words, never have been. I'm more of a 'let the music do the talking' kind of person, so something in the way he said it, like he was trying to make her out to be needy or something, really grinded on my nerves.

"'Annoying? That's a pretty shitty take, dude,'" I said, leaning back just a bit.

He blinked, maybe not really expecting me to fire back. "I just mean, she's always there. Doesn't she trust you? Or is it the alcohol?"

That was it. My clenched jaw told me I had to breathe deep. "She's not a fan of all this crap, not at all," I gestured around, at the cameras, the lights, the whole circus. "But she still shows up and yeah, maybe she gets a little bit anxious, but who the hell wouldn't with all this goin' on?"

I could tell the guy wasn't backing down, though. He leaned in, like he smelled blood in the water. "Does it get exhausting? Having someone so dependent?"

"Dependent?" I snorted, shaking my head. "Dude, she's strong as hell. She's got her own life, her own shit to deal with. She's not hanging on to me because she needs me to survive or some crap like that. She's there because she wants to be. And if holding my hand makes her feel better, then hell yeah, I'm all for it. It's called being a fuckin' partner, somethin' you don't seem to know much about."

I knew I had to cool it, but the further he pushed, the more I wanted. The room went silent for a moment, and I could feel the thick air. The interviewer gave me a shaky smile, not so sure anymore that he knew where this was heading, as if that's the only apology he could dish..

I leaned back, crossing my arms, some of the heat in my chest starting to cool. "Big deal. If that's the most interesting thing you've got to ask about, maybe you should find a new line of work 'cause clearly, you're missin' the point."

I'd just drawn a line in the sand and dared anyone to cross it.

[lemmeurs]

okay. here is my 1600+ words essay on raphael. if anyone would like to adress anything from it, please do but keep it civil! i am so damn invested in this topic, i wanna hear everyone's thoughts

raphael rant

(DISCLAIMER: this essay was not written in order to justify Raphael as a character or any of his actions or intentions. i am completely skipping any point of morality, whether my own or just in general, i simply wanted to somehow try and write my feelings and thoughts down while looking at the whole thing from an objective point of view, analyzing the design of the game, the plotline and his whole persona and just.. idk i wanted to see whether anyone else felt the way i do because i have been going INSANE over this for the past few days)

hi. i have come here today to express my thoughts and feelings on Raphael the cambion and "his final act". this is being randomly and spontaneously written in my notes app so please excuse the absolute chaos that this essay will be (no i won't be rereading it, fuck it we ball) (CONTAINS BG3 ACT III SPOILERS!!)

first of all — i am so beyond devastated that he gets killed. and not just by anyone, he gets killed BY US. THE PLAYER. WE AS THE PLAYER DELIVER THE FINAL BLOW THAT ENDS HIS EXISTENCE. not only is that very upsetting (because come on, hot devil man, obviously i don't wanna kill him??) but it also makes me feel so.. awful. like, everything about this is wrong and i hate the fact that there is no other option.

because let's review the course of the story in the house of hope:

- we barge into his house unannounced, uninvited, while he is absent

- we invade his privacy by entering what's his own personal space (yes, i know he stole it from Hope in the first place but that is not the point here — whatever his devil business is, it's still HIS, you know?? like he is a devil, this is the kinda stuff they do and honestly? i didn't want to stick my nose into it. but obviously i did because tHe sToRy etc etc. but still, it was his own thing that basically doesn't affect the player in any way so TECHNICALLY you dont have to free Hope. you can, if your character's moral compass advises so, but it doesn't affect the main plot.)

- we then proceed to walk around his house freely, lie to his archivist in order to look at the stuff we're already planning to steal

- we meet his personal incubus whom then we have the chance to either use or kill (i fought Haarlep so that's the point of view i'm looking from at this here, in which case i also robbed their corpse) and we rob his safe. and his whole bedroom actually. we read his journals. we use his bath.

- then obviously we go and rob his entire archive which includes all of his most precious possessions

- upon stealing, we slaughter every single creature in his house, fighting our way through to get to Hope's prison

- we then kill the two spectators he has guarding her (they were probably super hard to obtain??) and we just. free his prisoner. because yeah, that is the right thing to do, IM NOT SAYING THAT'S WRONG, but let's say we skip morality for a second, let's just focus on the fact that we have no ulterior motives in freeing Hope. we just wanna mess with HIS business because why not since we're already ruining all of his plans.

- and then we have the audacity to try to leave before he comes back and act like we were never there while his entire house is turned to shit.

now let's look at this list again but this time keep in mind the fact that at that point, he hasn't done A SINGLE THING to us. like, he has never harmed us, he treated us with (let's call it) "respect" and politeness, he was fine with our hesitation towards his deal and was willing to give us time. he was never aggressive towards us, he was never "the enemy".

and now you can say - okay wtf is wrong with you, that man literally admitted his intention of conquering the worlds, enslaving all mortals and basically becoming the tyrant of all while also most likely stealing everyone's souls for his own pleasure.

yes, he did, and yes, that's bad. but just because those were his intentions does not give us the right to do all that shit to him AND THEN KILL HIM. AS IF WE HAD THE RIGHT TO SERVE JUSTICE HERE?? YEAH HIS PLANS ARE EVIL BUT IT IS NOT UP TO US TO DICTATE HIS CONSEQUENCES. HIS PLANS WOULD ONLY SUCCEED IF WE GAVE HIM THE CROWN IN THE END, SO JUST- DON'T?? LIKE DO YOU GET WHAT I MEAN. IM NOT TRYING TO JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS OR INTENTIONS, BY ALL MEANS. i'm just trying to express how weird this all made me feel because not everyone decides to play as the selfless, lawfully good hero of all, protecting the world from all evil, ever! this is roleplay, afterall!

and them obviously he comes home. he is furious, as he should be. but mostly he's betrayed because, as weird as it may be, he trusted us. he admitted to growing "quite fond of us, in his own way". he thought we were some weird sort of.. acquaintances? friends maybe? (again, i know most of our relationship with him is mostly just him manipulating us but still, it's quite clear he wasn't expecting this betrayal) and we just barged in there and disrespected him in the worst way possible. so obviously he wants to kill us now and obviously we can kill him since he's just a boss in a game. and that's what we do. and then.. that's it. we're the good guys. we ruined a man's whole career because we needed one of his toys, murdered him in his own house and just left. and we're supposed to be the good guys.

i think the source of my problem is that Raphael is never introduced as evil. we don't meet him as the big bad villain that we know we'll have to kill at some point. i swear to god, at the beginning of act 3 i trusted that man way more than i trusted the Emperor and i was so close to agreeing to his deal just because i felt like i could trust him and he would keep me safe (for some reason, let's blame it on those wonderful eyes of his).

we meet him so early on in the game and he follows through all 3 acts, making it feel like he's gonna be some key character that will matter in the end - turns out, no! we were just supposed to rob and kill him. and that's literally it. talk about wasted potential.

when i first met him i got the "unofficial narrator" vibes from him, as if he was only supposed to seem intimidating and "evil" but you could sense there was so much more to him and i was dying to see how his story would unwrap. i was so ready for a redemption act, a plot twist, anything. man was i disappointed. because how cool would it be if he turned out to be a part of the "gather your allies" quest?? imagine having him as an ally and an ACTUAL friend in the end??

and don't even GET ME STARTED on what the orb in Helsik's shop shows you after you kill him. the fact that he's not even dead yet but ABOUT TO BE DEVOURED BY MEPHISTOPHELES. ABOUT TO BE DEVOURED. BY HIS FATHER. HE. WHAT. THATS THE ENDING HE GETS. and we are the ones that served it to him when he got RIGHTFULLY pissed at us for doing all that shit to him. and im supposed to just be fine with it?? i'm supposed to feel like this was the ending he deserved and i did the right thing??

god what i would give for a different way. idk. striking a new deal with him. saving him from Mephistopheles afterwards. REDEMPTION ARC?? ANYTHING?? NO? THATS IT THEN?

now i know that you dont HAVE to kill him, you can either agree to his deal or just ignore him and the house of hope altogether. but that just defeats the whole purpose of this character?? agreeing to his deal and giving him the crown at the end results in a pretty bad ending and ignoring him means that yeah, you don't have to kill him but you also don't get anything else from him anymore. like he has no other endings, just either death or his big evil plans. and for a game with so many choices and so much branching, it just feels almost weird that that's all he is there for. then why do we meet him in act 1? why does he follow through to act 2? (yeah, astarion, i know, but i cant help but feel like they could have put a completely different way to read his runes there if they didnt want Raphael specifically to help us) WHY ARE WE ALREADY SO USED TO HIM BY THE TIME HE PRESENTS HIS DEAL? if the whole hammer business is the only thing he's in the game for, then we may have as well been introduced to him only in act 3 during the whole Voss quest. but we knew him already and he felt like some sort of a.. friend lets call it? idk. this just does not make sense to me and makes me genuinely so sad.

as i'm writing this, it's the third day after ive completed the house of hope and i literally can not think about anything else. like my mind is just going on and on about this and i cant get over it!! im actually GRIEVING a fictional devil and i dont know what to do with all these.. thoughts.

so now i actually genuinely MISS THAT MF. I MISS HIM. GIVE HIM BACK. I WASN'T DONE AND NEITHER WAS HE. PLEASE PLEASE LARIAN I CAN FIX HIM—

okay i think thats it for now. idk i wrote this so chaotically i already forgot what i said and didnt say. im just. im feeling so many things. im so fucking sad and mad that this is how it ends. rest in peace hot devil man i will never forget you.

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Semantic Error | A Jeon Jungkook Series | Chapter 1

Based off of Semantic Error (bl) by J Soori Summary: y/n is a Computer Science major that definitely fits the bill. Some call her a robot since she seems to have zero emotions or empathy for the people around her and only cares about finishing her degree. What happens when she prevents Jungkook, a Visual Arts major from graduating and finds herself in need of his help? Pairing: Techie inexperienced fem!reader x Artist fuck boy Jungkook Word count: 1.6k~ Warnings: Explicit language, corruption kink, smut, angst, trauma, idk I suck at writing warnings.

A/N: I'm planning on making this a shorter series so let me know if you're enjoying the story and I'll make it a little longer. This is heavily based off of the original bl (boy love) first chapter because I wanted to get the basic plot set up correctly but I will be changing things here and there (for example this is a straight version with a female reader). If you don't mind spoilers I would highly suggest reading the original story. I read it on the app Manta with the english adaptation being done by Angy and you can also find the kdrama on Viki :)

Walking up to the podium it doesn't surprise me to see that half of my group members aren't even in class. I look over at my professor and see the puzzled look on his face, clearly confused as to why I'm the lone presenter but I give him a nod anyway and start the presentation.

Scanning the room I see how most of the students are already asleep or aren't even bothering to try paying attention and to be honest it makes my job a bit easier, not having to deal with any nerves that might arise from public speech but if I'm honest it doesn't really bother me much.

I've heard my classmates refer to me as a robot or a walking computer simply because I speak in a monotone voice and I don't bother wasting emotions on those that I deem unimportant.

Some might call me stuck up but in reality I have no intention of making friends in this educational institution. I'm here to get my degree and hopefully never have to deal with anymore of these freeloaders that the bother labeling as students.

After my presentation is finished our professor wraps up the class rather quickly to everyone’s delight and soon sends us all on our way, except for me.

"y/n can I talk to you for a second?" he asks and I make my way over to his desk after having gathered my belongings. "I wanted to speak to you about your presentation" he starts off, showing his slight discomfort in discussing the topic.

"Was there something wrong with it?" I question not sure what might've gone wrong.

"Oh no the presentation was fine, in fact it was excellent but I noticed that your name was the only one included on the presentation as well as the fact that you gave the presentation solo. Did your group members not contribute to the project?" he asks curious as to how this whole situation all went down.

"No they did not" I say plainly giving him the bare minimum.

"Do you think you could explain the situation to me?" 

I explain not only the lack of participation but also the pitiful excuses they gave me to somehow compensate for their lack of effort.

"One of them told me about the passing of their great aunt so I was aware that he wouldn't be giving the presentation but what happened to the other two?" he prods further pinching the bridge of his nose.

"One of the others didn't send me their research on the agreed upon deadline last night so I had to write their part as well as take care of the tasks I had delegated to myself" I explain. 

"And the other?" he asks finally understanding the situation that I had been left in.

"He didn't bother showing up to any of the planned out meetings we set up" I say hoping that I can go now.

"I see that he's a graduating senior this year. He had told me that he had some sort of ceremony to attend to over seas but I see that he had attended all but the last two classes so his attendance hasn't been much of a problem. Don't you think it's a bit harsh to leave his name out of the presentation completely?" he questions hoping to level with me. 

"No, not at all. If he had shown up and contributed to the project in the slightest then maybe but he didn't lift a finger. I understand why he missed the classes but expecting someone else to do the project that he was assigned was negligent on his part so I do not see any reason as to why he should be given credit for it" I finish hoping he'll understand my point of view.

"Okay, thank you for taking the time to explain it to me, you can go now" he says dismissing me.

"Okay" I say and give him a shallow bow before making my way out of the building.

~~~~~

When the day that final grades rolls around I'm hit with a bunch of texts and calls from the free riders that no doubt failed the class because of the executive decision I had made.

I go through and block the three of them before going on my way since I won't be needing any sort of contact after this train wreck of an ordeal. As I make my way to the PC cafe I frequent I hear talks of a story that sounds very familiar.

"I guess Jungkook can't graduate because someone snitched on him for faking attendance and they also took his name off of their final project" one guy says.

"Wasn't he supposed to go study abroad this summer?" a girl chimes in.

"Well I guess he's screwed now. I don't think a program like that wants to take on a slacker like him" another guy says, openly bashing him.

"Yeah he said he's gonna kill the person that did that but he never bothered learning their name. He tried to find them but no one knows who they are" the first guy says.

"What's their major?" the girl says hoping to see if she could help find them. "Something along the lines of computer engineering".

I shiver at the thought, 'I think I pissed off the wrong guy. I guess all I can do is avoid anyone by the name of Jungkook and fly under the radar. Considering that I always do I don't that'll be much of a problem.

I log into the same computer I use day in and day out with the intention of relaxing for a bit but I'm interrupted by a text that I had thought I had been waiting for for the past few days. 

'Hey y/n it's Hana, I got an internship for the summer and it looks like I'm going to be pretty busy with it so I don't think I'll be able to help you with the gaming application you are trying to develop. But on the plus side I do have a friend that has some free time this summer and I told him about it and he said he would be interested in taking it over for me'

'Oh okay that's too bad, I really liked your art style' I say selfishly wishing she would make time for it.

'Oh he's a lot better than me and I feel like he can definitely do your game a lot more justice than I can :)'

'Oh okay do you think you could give me their number at least?' I ask hoping I can establish contact as soon as possible. 

'I don't have his number since I ended up breaking my phone and lost all of my contacts but I told him the time and place we were planning on meeting so he'll meet you there. His name is JK'

I thank her for putting in the effort to find a replacement and close out our conversation.

Leaning back in my chair and taking off my glasses I'm left feeling stressed at the uncertainty of how this project is going to progress but I just hope that whoever she's sent as a substitute is able to work on this as efficiently as I know she would've been able to.

She was kind of slow at responding and making time for this but when she had the time she would really put her all into it, really making up for lost time.

I take a deep breath to release some of the tension I can feel building and decide to head back to my place to formulate a new plan of action and prepare a new proposal. 

~~~~

Sitting in the little study room I had reserved in the library for the day this JK guy and I are supposed to meet I find myself checking the clock, watching and waiting for his arrival.

'He's late. It's four fifteen and I explicitly explained to Hana what time we would be meeting here. I could always count on her to be a few minutes late but so much for good first impressions with this new guy. Maybe I'll give him a few more minutes. He could've gotten the address wrong or maybe he got lost and is just trying to find the right room.'

Another fifteen minutes goes by and I can clearly tell I’m losing my patience.

'How could someone be this late? What if he changed his mind and Hana just couldn't bring herself to tell me? Or maybe he just blowed both of us off because he didn't really want to do it in the first place? Whatever, I'll give him a few more minutes and then I'm leaving' I wait for about five more minutes until I finally can't take it anymore 

"This is ridiculous, I'm just waisting my time at this point" I say out loud mentally exhausted from having to wait this long, not even caring if he were to show up now.

I gather up my belongings but as soon as I reach for the door handle to leave it swings open and almost hits me in the face. I step back just in time to be met with a wall of muscle barging into the room without regard for anyone else and look up to see a man two heads taller than me looking down on me.

"You're the designer?" I ask hoping that I've made the correct assumption. 

"Oh um yeah" he says as he continues to keep eye contact, almost studying me.

'Yeah?' 'That's all I get? Showing up this late and I don't even get a sorry? Who does this guy think he is?' I think to myself fuming even more from seeing the stupid look on his face. Little did I know just how much this little 'arrangement' was going to mess up the rest of my life.

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[btr-rewatch]

Big Time Rush Season 1, Episode 14: “Big Time Dance”

Highlights: Lots of weirdness happening as the guys set up the first annual Palm Woods School Dance. Also, the first appearance of our friend Fabio!

It's the end of the year, and finals week is wrapping up at the Palm Woods School. After announcing the upcoming, notoriously boring class party, BTR suggests that they have a dance. A real one, with music and dates and NOT Bitters making awful balloon animals. Mrs. Collins agrees, but there are a few small obstacles to overcome first, such as the fact that they need to find chaperones, come up with a theme and decorations, get food, and find a place to hold the dance by that night. Oh, and there's no money available to spend on it.

The boys will find a way to pull it off, though.

Btw, this classroom is absolutely ridiculous. Those desks are packed together so tightly that I'm almost certain it's against both room occupancy regulations and fire code.

Look at that tiny sliver of space between Kendall's and James's desks. If there was an emergency, none of these kids would be able to promptly and safely evacuate without stumbling over desks and backpacks. They'd probably end up trampling each other. So many violations happening in this room. There's no way this classroom setup is legal.

After school ends, the guys get to work planning the dance. Jo is happy when she spots Kendall approaching, as she naturally assumes that he's going to ask her to be his date. Though, if you recall "Big Time Party," you know that his approach to inviting Jo in that episode involved asking her to be his, "guest, friend, person-thing." Quite frankly, Jo's hopes shouldn't be so high.

Somehow, Kendall manages to do an even worse job this time around and simply tells Jo to get snacks and sodas for the dance. Jo's reaction is understandable.

She's trying so hard to remember why she has a crush on this guy.

After being told by Bitters that they can't have the dance at the Palm Woods, Logan does some quick research and finds them a great deal at a warehouse in L.A.'s "Murder District." (they decide to pass on this deal)

Surprisingly, Gustavo says they can have the dance at Rocque Records under the condition that they perform at it. They agree, then run off to find dates. Well, James, Carlos, and Logan do. Kendall tries to be responsible and wants to find chaperones. Carlos strikes out with each of the Jennifers, then heads to the park to ask any other girls he can find. James decides to help Logan ask out Camille.

He also mentions that Camille's a good choice because she isn't his (James's) type, and can I just say that I kind of disagree with that? In fact, Camille might be the most compatible girl for James in terms of the recurring female characters we see on the show. She's just as high-maintenance, emotional, and passionate as he is, and I think they could have had an interesting relationship.

Or maybe they're too much alike and would have ended up killing each other. Idk.

Logan musters up every ounce of confidence he has within him and manages to do this

Commendable attempt, Logie.

Over in 2J, Mrs. Knight agrees to chaperone the dance, then loses her cool and promptly flees the scene when Katie suggests she should find a date to bring. Kendall asks when the last time was that their mother went on a date, and Katie says when she was three.

Not gonna delve TOO deeply into the Knight family headcanons, but for Mama Knight to have been in the dating world when Katie was that young, it means Mr. Knight had been out of the picture for quite some time already. Probably just after (or even a little before) Katie was born?

Meanwhile, Carlos is at the park, looking at girls through binoculars like a weirdo.

The Jennifers approach and tell him that they want to be his date to the dance. Except they don't want him to go as himself. Instead, they've all prepared alternate personalities that he must embody and rotate through during the night. Very normal behavior.

Gonna skim over some stuff because this episode has so many different storylines going on at once, but basically: Carlos is roped into being three difference people at the dance, James keeps inadvertently inviting random girls to be his date while trying to help Logan, and Logan manages to ask Camille out with the aid of cue cards, but she turns him down because she doesn't want his invitation to be coached.

Additionally, Kendall and Katie are struggling to find their mom a date. After almost setting her up with Bitters and bombarding her with a plethora of attention from a horde of handsome doctors, she tells them she'll only go on a date with the man who is on the cover of one of her romance novels. Of course, she does this assuming it'll be an impossible task for them, but nothing is impossible for Kendall and Katie.

They're adorable and I love them so much

They head down to the lobby to use the computer to track down Fabio (Kendall doesn't have his own laptop??) and I can't get over the way Kendall just shoves the guy already seated at the computer out of the way.

This is some First Episode Kendall behavior, honestly.

They manage to get in touch with Fabio, hold him hostage in the bathroom, and convince him to go out with their mom. Kendall also fumbles another opportunity to ask Jo to the dance, and Logan faces several other failures trying to ask Camille.

We go the dance later that night, where Carlos quickly crumbles under the pressure of being three different guys and ends up with Stephanie. I always really liked her btw, and I wish she would have stayed on the show as Carlos's long-term girlfriend. They were cute together.

Logan finally finds success in asking Camille to be his date.

Kendall finds Jo and asks her to dance, but Jo is still upset at the fact that Kendall never actually invited her to be his date. Kendall replies that he didn't ask because he just assumed they were already together. It's sweet, but I think these two need to work on their communication skills.

The guys perform "Stuck" (great song), James gets chased by the angry mob of girls he accidentally asked out over the course of the day, and we close the episode with everyone having fun on the dance floor.

Cannot believe so many shenanigans unfolded over the course of just a handful of hours. I wonder if time doesn't progress in the same way in the BTR universe as it does in the Real World. I mean, as it is, their world is barely governed by the same rules and basic scientific principles as our own is. Impossible scenarios are just everyday occurances to them, and absolutely absurd happenings don't even make them blink.

Honestly, the world of BTR is a scary one. Gustavo's marketing team shock-tests people for research. Sexist coffee makers try to murder you with foam. Doctor Hollywood is out there actually giving people medical advice. Children are packed in school rooms like sardines, with no hope of escape if a fiery inferno consumes the building.

Well...anyway! Silly episode! See you next time :)

[come-away-with-me87]

Modern Hearts Chapter 19

Chapter 18 here

******

When you woke up to your alarm the next morning (especially after that dream you had), you had a smile on your face.  You were happy you said yes to Shouta's question of asking you out on a date.  Somehow, it felt right.  You did your usual morning routine before work, headed out, and walked your way to U.A. High School.  The day went by without a hitch, and suddenly, you found yourself at the end of the work day.  You gathered your belongings together, and started your short walk home.

Once you made it into your dorm, you kicked off your heels and sat down on your couch, not worrying about changing into your lounge clothes right away.  Not long after you got home, you heard a knock on your door.  You felt excited, thinking it was Shouta; perhaps to make plans for your date?  You got up from your couch and opened your door; it was Keigo.  "I missed you, pretty girl, and just wanted to come over to do this."  He pulled you into an embrace right in your doorway and started kissing you.

When Keigo started kissing you, you instinctively closed your eyes, so that you didn't notice Shouta coming up the stairs to go to his dorm.  You finally opened your eyes, and they immediately went to Shouta, who was just standing at the top of the stairs watching you both, frowning.  At that point, you pulled out of Keigo's embrace, and Shouta made his way over to his dorm and started unlocking his door saying, "no need to stop on my account."  He went into his dorm and closed the door shut behind him.

You felt awful, especially due to the fact that it wasn't what it looked like; you weren't expecting this whatsoever.  But that's not what it looked like to Shouta.  You would deal with Shouta after this; first, you needed to deal with Keigo.  You pulled Keigo inside your dorm by his hand and asked him to sit down.  "Keigo..." you trailed off, frowning with tears in your eyes.  "Uh oh, pretty girl, I don't like that look on your face. Should I have called first?"  You looked over at him, "Keigo, I really think you're great. You're sweet and good to me, but the fact of the matter is, I just think we're at different points in our lives, and I don't see this going anywhere."

"Well, I wasn't expecting that," Keigo said with a surprised tone of voice, "is it someone else?"  You didn't know how to answer that, because the answer was technically no; you and Shouta hadn't even been on a date yet.  But you knew there was something there.  "It's not that, Keigo, I just think you're too young for me. You should find a nice girl around your age," you told him.  Keigo was, uncharacteristically, silent for a few moments.  When he finally spoke up, he said, "well, I can't say I'm not disappointed. Our age difference doesn't bother me one bit, but if it bothers you, then there's nothing I can do, I suppose."

"I'm really sorry, Keigo," you said, "I wish things could've been different."  Keigo just smiled his usual charming smile at you, "all is good, Y/N. I'd like to stay friends, if that's okay with you."  You smiled back at him, "I'd like that."  You two hugged, then Keigo took his leave from your dorm, leaving a few red feathers in his wake.  You waited for a few moments to know that he was officially gone, put on your slippers, walked out of your door, went to Shouta's door and started knocking profusely.  

He wasn't answering the door.  You put your ear up against the door to see if you could hear anything; you couldn't hear a peep.  It was possible that he just wasn't home, but your gut was telling you he was ignoring you.  At this point, Shouta only had your phone number; you didn't have his yet.  You went back next door to your dorm, found a piece of paper and a pen, wrote to him asking him to please stop by your dorm when he was home next, that you would explain everything.  You went back next door, tried knocking once more to no avail.  You finally gave up, and slid your note under his door, keeping your fingers crossed that he would stop by tonight so you could clear the air.

******

To be continued...

******

Tag list: @jaguarthecat ; @lili-pond ; @big-denki-energy

[starsfic]

Medding Mother-In-Law

Summary: Marinette has thoughts about her relationship with Adrien and her mother-in-law. Alya is supportive.

Notes: I subscribe to the theory that Emilie is just as much of a shit parent Gabriel is, but Adrien and Gabriel have rose-colored glasses.

-_-

"I don't think I want to marry Adrien."

Marinette's voice was low, as if she was realizing something that had been nagging at her for a long while. Alya looked away from the movie to stare at her best friend. Marinette was staring at the floor, eyes hooded in shadow and sinking realization.

"What?" Her first instinct was to deny it, say that wasn't possible. Marinette and Adrien had been together for years after Marinette had finally got herself together. However, that felt more like the voice of the teenage her. And Alya, twenty-five now, was older and wiser and had worked with Marinette to improve their friendship. So, instead, she paused the movie and focused on the important questions. "Why?"

"...Emilie." That was almost enough to explain it. Alya didn't speak to the woman often, but she knew enough that Emilie Agreste wasn't the perfect mother like Adrien claimed. "I...today, Adrien and I were talking about wedding cakes."

"Right." Marinette had claimed that she always wanted a small cake for her and Adrien to cut and a larger "wedding cake" made of cupcakes for the guests. "Adrien liked the cupcakes, didn't he?"

Marinette nodded, her features pale in the blue light of the TV. "He did. We were discussing what flavor, and then Emilie pipes up and says she and Gabriel had this big fancy wedding cake and that would look so much nicer and-" She gestured widely with her hands. "She said that she had already contracted a bakery to start working on it." Alya felt her jaw drop, and her bestie kept going. "Never mind the fact that Adrien and I had plans of our own! Never mind that my parents called dibs on making my wedding cake! She just said that she preferred that over the "cute cupcakes" and-" Marinette's hand slammed down on her face to muffle her groan.

"Want some wine?" Alya offered, grabbing the remote and turning the TV off entirely to switch on a lamp instead. She had a feeling of what the next part was. Alcohol wouldn't change anything, but it might help soothe the feeling for tonight.

Marinette shook her head. "No, otherwise, I'm going to start crying."

Alya hummed. "Crying might be good."

"Give me a second." Marinette took a deep breath in, deep breath out. "Adrien immediately said that was nice of her and when I tried to point out that we had a plan he..." She hissed. It was just as she guessed. "He said that we were just spitballing ideas and it would be fine!" Marinette let out a bark of laughter that sounded more like a sob. "He told me to not make a scene."

Alya passed over tissues.

"It's always: don't make a scene. Don't make a fuss. They'll soon realize how ridiculous they're being. And it's over and over again." Marinette yanked out a tissue with a ferocity that Alya had only seen in Ladybug mode. "I'm sick of it. If Emilie gets controlling over this, what else will she get controlling over?"

It was a good question and one, Alya realized, that she didn't want to find out.

"I don't want to marry Adrien. I don't want that level of control over my life." Marinette dabbed at her eyes, barely hiding a sniffle. "God, remember what his dad was like? Somehow Emilie is worse."

"I believe you." Alya straightened up, grabbed Marinette's glass, and poured some more wine in. "So, what do you want to do? Do you want to cancel everything and ghost him?" It was a dumb question, Adrien had way too many connections in their life, but it was enough to make Marinette snort.

"No. I want to sit down with him and explain what I'm doing. If Emilie wants to be there, fine." Marinette pulled out another tissue, blew her nose, and nodded to herself. "Once he understands why I'm doing this, then I'll cancel everything. I'll pay for it all so he doesn't have to deal with it and then..." She pause, her blue eyes seeming to freeze.

She didn't know what to do next.

To be fair, neither did Alya.

"...go on a vacation?" she offered. "Didn't Emilie refuse to go on that one Mediterranean cruise because she got seasick?" Marinette's eyes brightened. Alya nodded to her words as she thought. "We could round up the girls and go." Not to mention, that cruise stopped in Athens, where a certain guitarist was going to be next playing at.

Hey, Alya had pushed Marinette into this. It made sense that she should help her get a guy she knew was supportive.

"That sounds nice." Marinette grabbed her phone and Alya couldn't help a smile. "Now, come help me draft this. I need your support."

And her support Alya would give.

[nomoreusername]

Lily Of The Valley (Part 1)

Pairing:Aris x female reader

Summary:The collapse of WICKED meant spending another one of Aris's birthdays hidden from the world.

Our lives weren't getting better any time soon. With the way the Mazes had collapsed in on themselves, there were very few of us left. Even the professional WICKED workers' had abandoned this place at the end of everything. Now the old sanction was essentially isolated.

I believe the worst part wasn't the deaths themselves. It was the fact that in just a few more days the last of us were set to go up.

Life though, had other plans.

The skies from both Mazes started glitching, giving the Glade snow and the Spring heat, causing their crops to wither away to nothing more than soil. Then, the rains started, soaking and flooding every inch of that place, and leaving the Runners and Skaters unable to do their jobs. Eventually, all this change made the pipes burst, leaving them without water.

Before you think we didn't try, we sent up box after box with supplies. Fresh food, clean water, extra clothes, thick blankets, dry towels, new shoes, and every item you could think of was provided while the last five of us, Thomas, Teresa, Rachel, Aris, and I, worked on discovering what had malfunctioned the code. For only three weeks we were empty handed until we looked at the past footage of the Maze, where we saw Newt and his message to WICKED. We watched him scale the sides of the wall with nothing but a measly vine before reaching the top.

Despite it being obvious what was happening, he's only human, so his urge to know if there was more, won as he reached his hands for the sky. Instead of anything he could have prepared for, he slumped to the ground.

Still, as we examined the footage closer, we saw the black hole from where he had touched it, showing that he had ripped the barrier between the two Mazes. Realizing nothing would solve that, we argued over pulling everyone out of the Trials altogether when there was this muffled yet ear splitting sound. Barely a second later pieces of the ceiling started falling.

It was split. Rachel, Thomas, and I ran towards the box in a desperate attempt to pull everyone out, while Teresa and Aris ran to the control rooms to close down everything so that whatever had happened inside wouldn't affect them.

Unfortunately, we're a package deal. So the Right Arms little device was the final straw for this place.

Rachel, bless her soul, tried to disengage one she found stuck to the wall. Somehow, she managed to do it. Trusting her, Thomas and I stepped into the boxes as she moved on to another.

Only this time, the bombs were too quick. With another explosion, everything collapsed. I'm 100% sure the only reason Thomas and I are alive is because of the metal boxes surrounding us, enclosing out bodies.

Still, all that debris and ringing in my ears caused me to go unconscious.

Of course, there are worse things to be. I would tell you to ask Rachel, but we couldn't even piece all of her together if we tried.

By the time I woke up I felt myself being dragged off. Looking up, I saw Aris pulling me with him, visibly limping, before shutting me in the room where Teresa was treating Thomas's head wound.

From what I heard, his leg ended up stuck under loose bricks while they were running, breaking his ankle. While she did snap it back into place, to this day, he still has that limp. In fact, we all have something. For me, the noise damaged my eardrums, leaving me completely deaf in my left ear and with below average hearing in my right. Thomas has scars, some fainter than others, on his face, neck, and chest. Teresa ended up breaking her right wrist from the amount of effort to help everyone. With adrenaline pumping through her, she snapped it back but was unable to treat it. Now she can't move her fingers on her left hand. And Rachel was blown into tiny pieces so she's dead.

We all tried, but it wasn't enough.

We went back for the subjects' bodies when we felt we could. Burying everyone that had most of themselves intact, we made graves just like the Baggers had, by hand and shovel. Placing them inside, we made tombstones with their names in any color we could find. Any color but red. After the amount of crimson soaked onto fabric, walls, floors, ground and snow, we had had enough of that color for a lifetime.

After that, we savaged what we were able. While on our hunt for canned food we came across a bomb shelter. Apparently, nobody thought that was good information. To this day, I don't know if them not guiding everyone towards it before the explosion or when this all started is worse.

If I had to answer though, it would be the fact that they knew this place would kill everyone but didn't even warn us. They just left, leaving us to deal with the mess. My guess is they expected us all to die.

Now we live down here. As immunes in a world that hates us, and past WICKED workers, it's for the best.

To make things easier, we split us up into groups. The original partners, Thomas and Teresa, were a packaged deal so they got their own wall we couldn't see through. I was merely a fill in, and now I would be a permanent one. So Aris and I got our side, and that was that. While we still talk, this was just the easiest thing in terms of sleeping and rations.

We honestly don't know much of what they get up to since the separated walls are soundproof, making it our own homes. While there are times with board games, VHS's, or music, we didn't go into deep conversations. While Teresa and Thomas probably had their own, Aris and I were all we needed for that.

We didn't move on after. You don't just forget something like that. It's just that our only other choice was pitying ourselves forever, and it would be pathetic to do so when we are still alive.

Three weeks ago marked the third year since the incident. In those three years, we had found a few things out. Apparently, our names aren't ours. Teresa is actually DeeDee, Thomas is Stephen, Aris is Caleb, and mine is Y/R/N. Still, seeing as we don't remember having them, we don't use them. Another thing. At the time of the incident Teresa was seventeen, along with Thomas, Aris was nineteen, and I was eighteen. So now it's two groups of twenty year olds, stuck on their own. While that should be an irresponsible group, we aren't most people.

We also found our birthdays. Today was Aris's, June 17th. So he chose a movie, The Never Ending Story, and we all watched it while eating dinner. After it was over, we played Candy Land before they left.

I still had one more thing. It was small, as expected, but it was something.

Giving him a vanilla cupcake, I lit the candle and told him to make a wish. Looking at me for a moment, he then closed his eyes and mumbled before blowing it out.

"You made it another year,"I whispered.

"Yeah. I did,"He nodded, unwrapping the sweet treat and cutting it directly in half. "Here,"He said, handing it over.

"It's not my birthday,"I shrugged.

"No, but it's a thank you. For being here and giving me hope when there wasn't any,"He told me, still expectantly holding it out.

"I didn't give you anything,"I sighed, accepting it anyway because I know exactly how stubborn he is.

"You gave me this cupcake."

"You know what I mean. I haven't done much but exist."

"You've stayed beside me."

"I kind of have to."

"Just take the compliment."

"I already took the cupcake. Don't be greedy,"I sighed, rolling my eyes before taking a bite. While it wasn't as sweet as it could be, that wasn't unexpected. Despite the way this food was supposed to last for decades, rationing is still very much needed, even for little treats. The icing and small sprinkles helped though, and it wasn't dry so all in all, it wasn't a bad dessert.

"I learned from the best,"He said in a light tone. Rolling my eyes again, I nudged his good leg before taking a second bite.

"So one more movie?"He offered, doing the same.

"Yeah. Just turn up the volume this time."

"You seriously didn't say anything while the last movie was playing?"He pointed out, looking through the pile as I sat in front of the couch, leaning against it.

"Not while the Double T's are over,"I shrugged.

"I doubt they'd mind."

"And I would. Inconveniencing you is one thing, probably my favorite thing actually. We just don't see those two enough for it to be fun."

"As hard as you try, you don't. I love you too much,"He responded, putting a VHS into the player and rewinding it.

"Yeah. There's something wrong with you for that,"I pointed out, leaning completely against the couch and pulling the sheet from it.

"Well, you're my best friend so if something's wrong with me something's wrong with you."

"Gee. I wonder why I could be your only friend,"I deadpanned.

"That gets funnier every time you say it,"He replied in the same blank tone, pressing start before I could see what he picked. Turning up the volume, when the previews started I could hear it just enough.

"I know,"I nodded as he sat beside me. Getting under the same blanket, we stayed beside each other as the movie played.

All Parts

[fandomfaeofveryfewf4cks]

Spoilers for Our Flag Means Death finale.

I just needed to talk things through as a crew.

So, I already posted something about how I felt about Izzy's death immediately after watching the finale. Now that I've given myself more time to mull it over though, I'm not quite as satisfied with the ending as I thought. But I think I know why I'm not exactly angry about it either.

I think I just see it as an open ending for next season? Like, I can see how Izzy's death brings parts of the story around full circle. (Mainly in Ed growing out of being Blackbeard who wasn't really Blackbeard without Izzy Hands.) However, after thinking about it some and reading some other people's thoughts about it, it doesn't really work for bringing Izzy's story around full circle, does it? No, really, does it? I'm still not entirely sure.

On the one hand, I've seen people talk about how Izzy represents piracy and piracy is coming to an end, so it makes sense for him to die with piracy. With his talk with Ricky about how they may die, but they'll live on in other ways, it makes sense.

On another hand, I also see people talking about the fact that Izzy survived a suicide attempt (potentially for the reason of protecting the crew) only to end the season saying he wants to die...

This choice just makes me a bit queasy because it invalidates some of the hope I've had building up with every episode I watched, especially in season 2, where Izzy goes through the bulk of what I feel is (at least mostly) such an amazing character arc.

On a third hand, I saw someone saying that Izzy should captain the Revenge while Stede and Ed go off to run their inn. I had thought this was going to happen too until I started seeing the foreshadowing for Izzy's death and started doubting that theory.

Part of the reason this makes so much sense is because, firstly, Izzy runs the ship already. Plus, he's changed his priorities to be about the crew.

Remember in season 1 episode 9, when the crew is planning to mutiny against Izzy and are trying to decide who should be captain next. And Oluwande says,

"It's gotta be someone we can all trust. Someone who's got the whole crew in mind. Not just themselves."

Izzy didn't make a good captain in that episode because he still didn't trust them, they didn't trust him, and he was doing everything for himself.

In season 2, none of that is true anymore.

The crew DOES trust him. He DOES think about the crew first and foremost. And, we even get to see him learn to trust the crew as well. Learn that they see him as not just a part of the crew they have to deal with like in most of season 1, but a crucial part of the crew and a person they all care about.

In short, it really would have made so much sense to make him Captain.

"Okay, but why do you think his death is an open ending? Death is typically a decidedly very closed off ending."

Ah, I see the point I keep losing is back.

How many times has someone been "dead" only to come back later. How many times has IZZY "died" to come back later. Granted, Izzy going through this multiple times is part of what foreshadows the idea that he's going to not come back this time, so it's possibly just false hope to think he'll come back (assuming we get a third season).

But think about it. Izzy has died. Stede gave up his pirating dream, which seems how likely to stick? And Ed thinks he's going to be able to work a customer service job? And both Stede and Ed think they'll be good at running a business they don't know jackshit about? Ed has proved to be lousy at working a "simple" life. Ed's subconscious said so. Pop-pop said so. Even Jackie sees this as a "wish I was a regular dude phase." Also, Stede has proved that he can be a decent pirate. Zheng said so. Spanish Jackie said so. The entire Republic of Pirates said so. The Pirate Queen said so.

I guess I just have a hard time believing the creators of ofmd couldn't bring Izzy back somehow and turn out a new plot for another season if they wanted to.

At the end of season one, Ed and Stede resign themselves to a future that is not ideal for them and Lucius "dies."

At the end of season 2, Ed and Stede decide to try for a future that is arguably also not ideal for them (it's just less angsty than season 1) and Izzy "dies."

I dunno. I guess what I'm saying is, it makes enough sense for an ending, but not this story's ending. And this show actually managed to make me feel things in my mucky rustbucket of a heart and gave me hope like not many things do. I'm just not ready to give up on it yet.

. . . . .

Maybe they didn't want to make Izzy captain because then if/when Stede and/or Ed come back wanting to be Captain, they'd have to decide how to make that work? But that wouldn't be too hard to figure out, right? I mean, they already decided a ship can have two captains. Why not 3?

Here's some of those posts I was talking about:

[regarding-stories]

Until it breaks: Suspension of disbelief has limits

Nothing deals damage to suspension of disbelief like cold hard facts. Because once the analytical part of your brain kicks in, it's all over. All the Fridge Logic will unravel, and frankly, the enjoyment drains out the watching or reading experience.

Now, I picked this topic because of a recent Lupin III Part 6 episode I watched. Being one of the longest-running shows with endless material released over the course of decades, Lupin III has in general good writing. Or let's say it like this: Typically the authors nail the characters.

Yes, part 6 in general is a highly enjoyable show that can bank on the fact that our main characters - Lupin, Jigen, Fujiko, Goemon, and Zenigata - are well fleshed-out, recognizable characters that you are just gladly along for the ride with and the general fun factor of the show ensures that you merely experience the differing quality of episodes as minor ups and downs along the journey.

There are exceptions, though.

When it holds

Lupin III is basically revived as "parts," where each part could be considered a big season. I'm currently watching Part 4, and several episodes definitely have the quality of Fridge Logic - you might question things after the episode finishes, but you're basically okay with how things unfold while they still do.

One episode, hitting that slightly noir vibe, focuses on Inspector Zenigata, Lupin's eternal complement.

The show aired almost ten years ago, so forgive me for spoilers.

The basic plot of the episode "Until the Full Moon Wanes" revolves around every scoundrel in the world believing that the widow of a media mogul sits on a huge hidden fortune because her husband seeded the rumor before he died. The first climax of the episode seems to be convincing the world that this was indeed a lie - a cooperation between Lupin and Zenigata. In the denouement we learn that the fortune actually exists and the widow wanted potential thieves off her back, Lupin shows up to steal it and is finally thwarted by Zenigata.

The episode really revolves about human folly, with a media mogul rescuing a girl from sexual violence, taking her as his beloved wife, then completely scorning her when she cheats on him once - including marking her body. This theme of scorn beyond the grave and its somewhat noir vibe playing on human passion and the unreliability of love and character are enough to keep us entertained until we get our inevitable finale.

I'd say this one stretches suspension of disbelief but doesn't break it. Though it raises questions - even if she had a huge fortune hidden, wouldn't it be easier to own it, hire guards, and just enjoy it? Furthermore, how did Lupin and his gang intend to steal the fortune?It's gold. It weighs tons and tons. (And yes, it's enough gold to be considered the reserves of a country. Did the author not watch "Die Hard with a Vengeance"?) It's also stacked in the most stupid way possible to impress the audience. Once you start to think about it, the story unravels and falls apart. But I'd bet while it goes on with its (somewhat forced) twists and turns, you're willing to follow it.

When it breaks

There are, however, some episodes too stupid to live, and so far the unrivaled king of the trash heap is "The Jet-Black Diamond". I'll spoiler this one so you don't have to watch it.

So, some small wooden dolls are somehow supposed to lead to a treasure. But the story makes no sense, no matter which way you look at it.

The central theme behind the treasure hunt is supposedly a love story. A somehow Japanese woman in Brazil falls in love with a pirate who basically sacks her village but spares her. (Because seeing people die you spent your life with is conducive to romance. Maybe she had Stockholm Syndrome.) They know they have little time so they concoct a plan to hide some treasure and meet again. Which never happens because the pirate gets executed shortly after and she commits suicide.

This might make sense on the surface but just wait for the rest...

The clues they leave lead to a cashew tree with magical red glowing flowers that only blossoms every 75 years. The biological facts themselves are mindboggling - how does it benefit the damn tree to blossom only every 75 years? And how is it so exact over such a long period of time?? And why is everyone showing up at the right time to see it???

Breathe. Slow, deep breaths.

So this basically means they planned to meet again when they were around a hundred. Instead of, you know, like five years later.

Then... piracy in the Caribbean and around South America was a phenomenon largely limited to the 16th and 17th centuries, with stragglers hanging on until the 18th century. Steam vessels and larger national navies ended it for good in the 19th century. (To put it very roughly.) The episode itself can be assumed to be set in 2021 when Part 6 aired. So, are we to assume that old-fashioned piracy occurred in Brazil in the mid of the 20th century? The age of airplanes and nuclear bombs? (Piracy persists but is a rather local phenomenon in the world, relying on quick hit-and-run raids.)

What is the treasure, actually? Pepper. Some special pepper, that supposedly ended up making the village prosperous. This is probably an allusion to the times when pepper was still highly valuable, something which was maybe true up to the 17th century (as a little research shows).

What we really have here is an author shoe-horning a pirate story into Lupin III, and somehow trying to tie it to a love story and a living relative. (Instead of a long-lost pirate treasure.) But frankly, the whole thing fails over and over again. The finale is devoid of any logic. Even the dolls are somehow important because their patterns help identify the tree by its blossom patterns. The only tree blooming in that particular year, looking entirely magical and obvious BY ITSELF!!

(Also some young local thugs show up to gang up on the old lady and her company because everybody thinks about the ages old treasure all the time and so the arrival of a Japanese lady is clearly stirring up the area.)

To make the offense even worse, just when the story focuses on Fujiko being in the lead for quite a while, Lupin shows up as a drone projecting a hologram acting as Captain Exposition, stealing her thunder. They couldn't be arsed to write him in properly, but they couldn't leave him off-screen for five minutes or have somebody else have the spotlight. Wow, that was horrible writing altogether.

And here we have it - it qualifies as a story. It's tied together by a plot. Events happen, characters appear, and the same mixture of twists and turns and a lack of treasure at the end (for Lupin or Fujiko) appears, but it doesn't work. You could be forgiven for not knowing about the history of piracy, but the notion of a tree with such magical properties is not a twist to a story, it's a ridiculous device meant to introduce one twist too many to a poorly written story.

Because for some reason the author was so focused on thwarting the thieves so much he had to set up an entirely unbelievable gotcha even for Lupin standards. A show where people evade bullets near point blank range or where eating a steak can restore Lupin's blood loss within hours. It's actually quite the accomplishment!

[crescent-lockhart97]

since the beta for ever crisis is only for u.s., canada, and japan users, i had to resort to watching streams and playthroughs... (r.i.p. 😵)

my thoughts so far:

graphics are pretty nice for a mobile game, i'll give them that...

not sure abt the combat system... i prefer the combat system of the actual titles tbh.

not a fan of the gacha system, but then again, gacha seems to be all the rage in mobile games these days. i've decided to just watch playthroughs bc i am not about to spend money on microtransactions (not esp in this economy 💀).

the fact that you gotta grind a bit more just so you can proceed to certain parts (that you could easily breeze through in the OG titles) without getting KO'ed is 😬😬

they totally baited us with sephiroth lmao. was expecting more from the first soldier chapter but guess we gotta wait some more. i'm both excited yet nervous as to how they'll handle sephiroth.

it's interesting that they amalgamated elements from the OG ff7 and ff7 remake (e.g., the choice of giving either tifa or marlene the flower, which was in the OG but not in the remake).

a bit interested in the whole first soldier storyline. from the looks of it, they don't seem to be enhanced with mako or jenova cells, so it's prolly safe to assume this was the SOLDIER batch way before shinra decided to make it an organization of enhanced supersoldiers.

honestly, i'm curious as to what glenn's deal is with sephiroth. he mentions about "being a hero" to sephy's face. is he like genesis, feeling that sephiroth somehow usurped all of the glory he feels he is entitled to? is he bitter bc the first soldier batch got overshadowed by the success that is sephiroth and was subsequently replaced by a new batch of now enhanced SOLDIERs? or did glenn defect bc he finally saw how evil shinra truly was, and being the "hero" that he is, he decides to fight shinra's top dog?

by making it a mobile game, square was def trying to attract new players (using their most popular installment no less), since not everybody can afford to get specific gaming consoles, so why not release it thru a platform that nearly everyone and their mama has access to nowadays?

they also tried to rope in ff7 veterans (esp sephiroth fans lmao): literally teasing us with that teen!sephy rendition of that iconic fire scene and that tagline "we still don't know sephiroth" 🙃🙃, giving players the ability to change outfits, mixing elements of the OG and remake ff7 to tug at our nostalgia...

and ofc, the microtransactions: if everything goes as planned, they'll get sweet money from both new and old ff7 players.

[brineffxiv]

While teaching small children the art of murder, Alisaie pauses to reflect on the feelings brought to her by the vision Emet-Selch showed us of the Final Days of Amaurot.

You say that, but the more I learn about the world that used to be and what happened to it, the more appealing the mask starts to look...

Such reminiscing prompts me to visit the lookout once more, where yet another fateful meeting is to take place...

It's me! The ancient me again!

...do mine eyes deceive me, or do I have a black mask? Perhaps that's just an effect of the lighting.

You're just as surprised to see me as I am to see you, aren't you?

These are Elidibus' memories? They're very distorted, at least compared to what I'm used to seeing. I notice the masks are all the same too, despite us knowing that each of the Convocation has a unique one. Is it stylized for simplicity? Or is there something wrong with Elidibus' recollection of the past..?

Yes. I did. I don't feel good about it, but it's the truth. I am as big a monster from your point of view as you are to mine.

Makes sense. In a frightfully short span of time I have done more to derail your plans that any other in your phenomenally long existence. You need to be rid of me, ere I extinguish all hope of ever healing the world.

Now I'm curious. Did you watch as it happened, or did you somehow see it after the fact? If you were there, why did you not step in to prevent his death? We won against Emet-Selch, certainly, but we'd have been hard-pressed to deal with two Ascians at once.

...No, I don't think you could have been there. You seemed to only realize that Emet-Selch was dead when I saw you on the moon. And, you did not know of his final words to us. So I wonder, how did you come to know the details of our fight?

You... have memory problems, don't you? Something not simply explained by time, I'd wager. Because I'm pretty sure you knew me, you shouldn't have seen the vision of the ancient me otherwise.

G'raha! Your arm!?

You bastard!

That's because he's rejoined an extra time.

Hang on, does Elidibus not know that? Emet-Selch figured it out... but if he didn't tell Elidibus before dying... Oh. Elidibus has no idea that G'raha is from a different version of the future... Thus he doesn't know about any of the things that made Emet kidnap the Exarch. Hmm. We'd be wise to keep that quiet then.

G'raha is fine. Totally fine. Except the crystal in his body is spreading. Because of how hard he's been working to help us. And despite him claiming he has a plan, and this is all okay... I worry for him.

Oh no, Thancred has collapsed! It seems the weak spells my friends have been having are symptoms of the weakening connection between their souls and bodies.

Looks like it's time for me to head back to the Source and check in on things there, where I find things have taken a turn for the worse...

Wow, it is super dark in here. Good thing I brought my glowy stick.

It is incredibly unsettling to see my friends laid out like bodies in a morgue. I know they're not dead, but the visual... it's worrying. A sign of what is to come if we don't manage to get their souls back where they belong, and soon.

[mostthingskenobi]

CASSIAN'S RECKONING - Chapter 8: The Power

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Cassian is wearing down Tarkin's patience. Rogue One's rescue mission gets underway.

Everyone's feedback has been so lovely. I'm glad you all are enjoying the fic so far 💜 Thank you for taking the time to read! It means so much to me!

READ THE FIC ON AO3

THIS IS A WHUMPY FIC W/GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE. PLEASE HEED THE TAGS ON AO3.

——————–

CHAPTER 8: THE POWER

“The power has always been in your hands.” Tarkin was indefatigable. Hours had gone by and he never shifted his weight or leaned against the wall. He simply stood, usually with his hands behind his back, eyes never betraying an inkling of exhaustion.

Cassian, on the other hand, knew he was nearing his breaking point. Dying would have been easier, but the IT-O droid wouldn’t allow it. His fingers were clutched into the chair’s arms, his hair, now crusted in salt, hung in his eyes, and his blood somehow felt hot and cold at the same time. The only thing keeping him lucid was verbally sparring with Tarkin.

“Tell me what you did with the Death Star plans, and all this will stop.” The Grand Moff dismissively flicked his hand in Cassian’s general direction.

“You mean you’ll finally kill me?” Andor snorted.

Tarkin’s skeletal frame gave the slightest flinch. He glowered down at the young man. “I think we’re beyond that, don’t you agree?”

“How many years will it take you to rebuild everything you lost at Scarif?” Cassian goaded, spitting blood and salt from his split lip, ignoring his interrogator’s threat. “Structural engineering, hyperspace tracking, navigational systems. All gone. All because of me.”

The imperial officer reset his jaw and suppressed a sneer.

Cassian had gotten under his skin with that one.

A small but short-lived victory as one of the death troopers sent a shock through the binders around both Andor’s forearms and biceps.

“It’s true, we lost a great deal of research. But the Empire has limitless resources and nothing but time. We shall rebuild and ultimately be better for it.”

“That sounds like a fun conversation you’ll be having with the emperor,” Cassian retorted, his voice choked with pain.

Tarkin nodded to the death trooper squad leader who grasped the rebel’s right hand and promptly broke one of his fingers. “Tell me what you did with the plans and the torment stops,” the Grand Moff raised his voice to be heard over Cassian’s gasps.

“The fact that you’re running this interrogation yourself,” Andor finally spat out, “and the fact that you keep asking me the same questions over and over, tells me that no one in the Empire has a clue where the plans are and what the Rebellion wants with them.”

“Indeed, I rarely question traitors personally. I am making an exception in your case because the attack on Scarif gave the rebels faith. The Empire will not allow that kind of impudence to germinate. We’ll make an example of you, display what remains of you as a warning to all dissenters. I can’t tell you how satisfying it is to watch hope vanish from a prisoner’s eyes, especially one as proud as you, Captain Andor.”

“It’s Commander now, actually. I got promoted.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. For stealing the plans to your planet killer. They even gave me a pay raise.”

Needling the imperial bastard was one of the greatest joys he’d ever known, but Tarkin’s eyes suddenly grew harder than Cassian had yet seen.

“I suppose a promotion means you were privilege to even more crucial information from within the Rebellion. We shall have to dig a little deeper into that mind of yours and see what other secrets you’ve been privy to. Not to worry, Commander, we’ll make sure to keep you alive as long as possible. It’s one of my many skills Emperor Palpatine finds invaluable. I will break you but I shan’t kill you. Your suffering will be all the more gratifying when we apprehend this young lady.” He displayed a hologram of Jyn. “The interrogator droid monitored your vital signs during our previous conversations, and, apart from your mother and father, this was the only person who triggered an emotional response. Who is she?”

Cassian glanced at the hologram then quickly looked away. “She’s no one.”

“Clearly that can’t be true. Look at all you’ve endured to protect her.” Tarkin came forward and stood directly over Cassian, leaning close until their faces were inches apart. The rebel’s wrists twisted against their restraints, unable to quell the impulse to claw at the fascist. “When I inevitably capture her,” Tarkin snarled, his eyes drifting down to Cassian’s fingers reaching toward him, noting this woman elicited an entirely different kind of response from Andor, “I will drag her broken body before you and make you watch her interrogation. She will beg me for death, all in honor of your promotion.”

Cassian swallowed thickly. “I won’t tell you anything.”

A slow, icy smile pulled up one corner of Tarkin’s thin lips. “There is fear in your eyes.”

It was true. Nothing scared Cassian more than the idea of Jyn falling prey to Tarkin’s cruelty.

“Let’s capitalize on this fear, shall we,” the Grand Moff said, standing straight and gesturing several troopers forward. “It’s time for a change of tactics.”

Cassian’s wrists were suddenly release from the binds holding him to the chair. Death troopers hustled him to his feet; he would have collapsed between them if they didn’t hold him up by force. The floor opened and the chair descended into the bowels of the compartment below via hydraulic lift before the durasteel slammed shut. Conversely, a slat in the ceiling opened and a heavy, woven carbon cable with cuffs on the end tumbled into view. Cassian watched, too weak to resist as the death troopers locked the binds around his wrists and promptly wrenched them above his head, leaving his toes barely scraping the floor.

Tarkin prowled around the room like a shark circling blood in the water. “Let’s see if we can find a way to persuade you to cooperate.”

——————–

Jyn and Rogue One were halfway up the bulk cruiser’s boarding ramp when someone shouted from the hangar, “Lieutenant Erso!” She paused and turned back, spotting Draven as he appeared from the overhanging ziggurat’s shadow. “A word, please.” She exchanged a look with Bodhi, indicating with a nod that he and the rest of the crew should go on without her.

“I have an unusual request,” Draven said as she joined him on the landing pad. “One that’s of vital importance.” He lowered his voice, forcing Jyn to move closer. “If Commander Andor and his team have indeed been taken prisoner, it’s very likely that they’ve been interrogated. Especially Andor since he’s the squad leader.”

To keep from growling, Jyn clenched her teeth together so hard her jaw ached. That’s what I’ve been trying to get you morons to understand for the past thirty-seven hours! she shouted internally.

“It’s not uncommon for Grand Moffs to have IT-O interrogator droids. The ISB is known to regulate who has access to them, but Tarkin almost certainly has one.”

He paused so long Jyn thought he was waiting for her to say something. “I’m not following you,” she finally replied.

Draven took a steadying breath because, Jyn suspected, he knew she wasn’t going to like what he said next. “These droids are used to record interrogations, so, if you find one with Andor, we want you to retrieve its memory banks."

Dread took hold of Jyn’s heart. “Why?”

“We need to know how much we’ve been compromised.”

“You mean you want to see if Cassian cracked.”

Draven averted his eyes, but his tone was closer to a reprimand than anything. “You know as well as I do that he’s likely to give up at least one piece of intel. Everyone does.”

Jyn’s expression became hard. He was right. She’d seen what the Empire did to its prisoners. She nodded to the general then turned to join her teammates on the ship.

“And, Erso,” Draven said, grasping her arm, preventing her from leaving. She looked up and saw approval in his expression. “Go get our man back,” he said earnestly.

Jyn couldn’t deny he’d surprised her. Draven had never been anything but a cold bastard, but for the first time ever she got the sense that he deeply cared about his soldiers, even if he couldn’t always lead with empathy. “Yes, sir,” she replied quietly.

He gave her a final, curt nod before releasing her arm.

Jyn joined her crew inside the corvette that was secured in the bulk cruiser’s massive cargo bay. “All good?” Bodhi queried when she appeared.

“All good.” She dropped her duffle in the shuttle’s built-in cargo boxes before taking a seat next to Sergeant Melshi. “You’re looking very stiff,” she said dryly, waving at his imperial officer’s uniform.

“It’s the cut,” he said, running his hands down his chest. “Wearing this jacket is like being slowly strangled to death.”

“Sounds appropriate.” She had always enjoyed Melshi’s dark humor.

“It makes my skin crawl.”

She nodded, understanding his discomfort. Cassian had told her about his and Melshi’s past experience with imperial brutality on Narkina 5. “But it’s worth it,” she offered, trying to make him more comfortable, “to get Cass back.”

“Absolutely,” he said without skipping a beat. “We’re going to find him and we’re going to bring him home.”

As though on cue, a voice broadcast over the cruiser’s intercom. “Pulling away. Prepare for hyperspace in three minutes.”

“May the Force be with us,” Jyn said loudly, and Rogue One shared a moment of pride.

——————–

END NOTES

NEXT CHAPTER IS CALLED “THE BETRAYAL" - Cassian finally reaches a breaking point and does something dreadful.

Thank you for reading!

Likes, comments, and reblogs are very welcome!

Much love!

——————–

READ IT ON AO3- Kudos and Comments Welcome :-)

READ CHAPTER 1 “The Razor”

READ CHAPTER 2 “The Scythe”

READ CHAPTER 3 “The Cold”

READ CHAPTER 4 “The Expendable”

READ CHAPTER 5 “The Truth”

READ CHAPTER 6 “The Detritus”

READ CHAPTER 7 “The Salt”

READ CHAPTER 8 "The Power"

READ CHAPTER 9 “The Betrayal”

READ CHAPTER 10 “The Ruse”

READ CHAPTER 11 "The Reprieve"

READ CHAPTER 12 “The Ghosts”

READ CHAPTER 13 “The Redemption”

READ CHAPTER 14 “The Spoils”

READ CHAPTER 15 “The Interrogation”

READ CHAPTER 16 "The Rogues"

READ CHAPTER 17 “The Absolution”

READ CHAPTER 18 “The Reach”

READ CHAPTER 19 “The Hologram”

READ CHAPTER 20 “The Divide”

READ CHAPTER 21 “The Cost”

READ CHAPTER 22 “The Fallout”

READ CHAPTER 23 “The Wounds”

READ CHAPTER 24 “The Hand”

READ CHAPTER 25 “The Heart”

READ CHAPTER 26 “The Beginning”

[distantlaughter]

Nico Rosberg, the next Schumi

by Jesko Priess for GQ Germany, 8 March 2010 (x)

He seems like someone who shouldn't be expected to take on too much under any circumstances. Somehow fragile. But Nico Rosberg, 1.77 tall, 69 kilos, is about to change that. In any case, he runs to the hot buffet three times before the interview and loads up his plate. That's no problem, the Wiesbaden native explains to a Mercedes manager standing next to him, who looks irritated. "I work out so much, I can't gain any weight."

Industry prodigy

At a time when belts are being tightened everywhere, Formula 1 is cutting back on its drivers in particular, and on their weight. Last season, the car and driver were allowed to weigh 605 kilograms. But while there is hardly any more potential for savings in terms of materials, there is still room to maneuver when it comes to the drivers. Nico Rosberg could also be a jockey. That's how thin he looks. The 24-year-old is considered the greatest unfulfilled promise in Formula 1. He was already sitting in a Formula 1 car at the age of 17. A record. In 2005, he signed his first contract with Williams. He was considered the prodigy of the industry. But they forgot to provide the prodigy with a competitive car.

Experts believe he can win the world championship

For three years, Nico Rosberg drove behind the field in frustration. Nevertheless, the German was praised. Williams partner Patrick Head said he was a "thinker," for Sir Frank Williams he was the "most exciting driver in the field" and for Niki Lauda a "sensation." The switch to Mercedes gives Rosberg the chance to finally prove that all that is true. For the first time in his career, he sits in a technically mature vehicle. The experts believe he can win the world championship title. Nico Rosberg’s great future could begin on 14 March in Bahrain at the first race of the season. At the moment, however, he still has to deal with a part of the past. Michael Schumacher's comeback. Curiously, the fact that the legend is now a teammate and thus his fiercest competitor doesn't seem to bother him a bit. The exclusive GQ interview with Nico Rosberg - after the cut:

GQ: Mr. Rosberg, let's be honest, are you afraid that you might only be number two at Mercedes, behind Michael Schumacher?

On the contrary. I'm looking forward to our duel. I want to win races. We will fight from day one to see who is number one in the end.

GQ: Do you consider yourself the stronger driver at the moment?

I'm in super shape. And Michael is certainly not quite as strong as he once was. That has to be the case when you've been away as long as he has.

GQ: You're 24, Schumacher is 41. Is he a role model for you?

To be honest, no. Back then, I was always rooting for Mika Häkkinen and was happy every time he beat Michael. My father managed Mika. He's been a friend of our family ever since.

GQ: Your father Keke, himself a former Formula One world champion, also planned your career.

It was certainly in his interest that I became a racing driver. Mika won two titles under his leadership. That's probably what he hoped for from me, too.

GQ: Didn't you have the feeling that he was forcing you into a role?

No, at the time he was looking for something he could do with his son and that would be fun for both of us. But I sensed his expectation that I achieve something in life, and I want him to be proud of his son.

GQ: How did these father-son excursions go?

We drove around France on the weekends in a small caravan, from one kart race to the next. I won almost everything, first the regional championship, then the French one. When I was seven, I had my own autograph cards.

GQ: Are there any moments that particularly stick in your memory?

I still remember my first award ceremony. It must have been in 1996. My father was at a Formula 1 Grand Prix with Mika, and I had actually resigned myself to the fact that he would miss my triumph. Then he flew low over this kart track in Le Castellet in his black private jet, just as I was on my way to the podium. I still have this image in my mind.

GQ: Didn't you ever feel the need to lead a completely different life from your father?

Yes, I did. I wanted to go to university.

GQ: What would you have liked to study?

Mathematics, physics. I already had a place at Imperial College in London, where many Formula 1 designers are trained. A degree in aerodynamics.

GQ: Why didn't that happen?

In 2002, I won the Formula BMW championship, and then I got a place in Formula 1 at Williams. At that point, at the latest, it was clear to me that I couldn't study on the side.

GQ: At Williams, you haven't had a competitive car in recent years. How do you contest a race knowing that?

Every time I drove out of the garage onto the track, I knew I was going to be too slow. No matter how well I drove, I had no chance of being the best. So I drew my motivation from what was achievable.

GQ: Finish?

No, I was a little more ambitious. I wanted to finish fourth. That felt like a victory. In this business, it's always about finding a balance between ambition and patience. Only then will success come. It was important for me to know at the end of a race that I had done a good job. The important people at the other teams see that you're doing something, and that's why they eventually sign you up to drive their top car.

GQ: You can do that now at Mercedes. But what happens if you fail at the next step in your career?

I don't waste a thought on that. I'm not afraid, but it was high time for me to finally take this step. I've been at it for four years now. Haven't had any really big success yet. Okay, I've been on the podium before, finished seventh in the world championships, but that doesn't really count. Others come along and win a race straight away. It was different for me. At some point you get a negative image. People say, "Oh, he's just always racing somewhere, he's not the best." That sticks with you.

GQ: Wasn't it frustrating to see newcomers immediately standing at the top of the podium while you barely made it to the finish line?

Sometimes it was. Especially when drivers like Lewis Hamilton, who I often beat in kart races back then, were standing there. But I'm not envious and of course I don't begrudge him his success.

GQ: You were once good friends with Hamilton, but how do you get along today?

There were times when we even went on vacation together. Nowadays, our dealings are more like buddies, but somewhat superficial. A real friendship is impossible in Formula 1.

GQ: So the drivers are lone wolves?

No, I often feel like the manager of a big company. I'm still extremely young, but I'm already at the helm of a 600-man team. It's a steep learning curve and a huge responsibility. People are all looking to you to feed their families. If you wreck the car, there are fewer presents at Christmas, because the mechanics get a bonus at the end of the year for the points you score or don't score.

GQ: A burden?

Yes, only I try not to think about it. That would drive you crazy.

GQ: There is a rumor that your contract with Mercedes will only run for one year. Is that true?

No, it runs for several years.

GQ: Three, four?

I won't say. But I want to be for Mercedes what Schumacher was for Ferrari.

GQ: At Williams, your nickname was "Britney.” Why?

It was because of my hair and maybe also because I'm a little more vain than the other drivers. (laughs)

GQ: Do attractive people have a faster career in Formula 1?

You have to be able to sell yourself. And of course, it's also about style and appearance. If two drivers are equally good, the one who makes more effort in that area has a better chance. That's important to me.

GQ: Is it a deceptive impression, or are the drivers in Formula 1 getting thinner and thinner?

No, you're right. Especially last year, the teams wanted to compensate for the increased weight of the race cars because of the new hybrid system (KERS). That's not good. I had to lose five percent of my body weight, and I wasn't fat. If you take another five percent off of that, then yes, you're a beanpole. It just can't be right that we should look like ski jumpers or jockeys.

GQ: Do you like to eat?

Yes, very much. Unfortunately, I'm someone who tends to get fat easily. I must have inherited that from my father, I think. The genes. (laughs) But I really like going to gourmet restaurants. Twelve courses. And I eat everything there! There's nothing I don't like.

GQ: Not one little thing? 

(thinks) Okay, it doesn't necessarily have to be oysters. But if they're on the plate, I won't leave them there either.

GQ: Do you have any other weaknesses?

You mean besides playing poker online and eating? I read the "Bild¹" newspaper, and I'm a Bayern Munich fan.

GQ: Not a particularly original favorite club…

I couldn't care less. I love the club. My mother is even a bit more fanatical about soccer. She watches every Bundesliga match, and when the national team is playing, she sits in front of the TV with the flag in her hand.

GQ: Is she just as enthusiastic about your races?

No, she never watches them. During that time, she cleans the apartment, turns on the vacuum cleaner and waits until it's all over. I think she's afraid for me. She also keeps telling me not to drive so fast.

GQ: What percentage in your career was coincidence or luck? And what percentage was just really well planned?

The path was planned, but a lot of what happened along the way was coincidence. Meeting the right people, getting the right cars...without really good luck, you'd never get to the top.

GQ: Your father was also your manager until recently. Has that never bothered you?

My problem is that I respect his opinion almost too much. He has so much experience, he's so wise, and he's right about his opinion 99 percent of the time. Even if you think that can't be right, you then realize later, and sometimes it takes three years, that he was right again.

GQ: About what, for example?

I never used to call my engineers outside the races. Racing was a game for me, school was more important. But my father said: You have to show that you're interested in them, to motivate them. And to learn. I didn't understand that. That's clear to me now. You need information to drive the work forward. You can only do that if you know what's going on in the company.

GQ: Have you ever argued with your father?

Yes, often.

GQ: About what?

My father likes to be the boss. He wants to decide where things go, and others should have as little say as possible. I can't accept that. I don't need a dictator. I'm strong enough to go my own way.

GQ: How did it go, such an argument?

I'm not a person who is that emotional. Door slamming is not my thing. I get that from my mother. I always look for a way to avoid arguments. I'm almost a bit of a harmony addict. I wasn't that relaxed as a child. I can remember tennis matches with my dad, crying whether I lost or won. Sometimes I was mad that he let me win. Sometimes I was sure he had cheated. And then we didn't talk for two days.

GQ: Today you manage yourself.

 Yes, but I coordinate tactics with my father. For example, in contract negotiations. Negotiating for money is an art in itself, very difficult. Feeling out how far you can go to get a pay rise.

GQ: Like playing poker.

Yes. I played like a maniac for a while.

GQ: In the casino?

No, online. I could have played all day, every day, all week. Only, that doesn't add anything to your life. Zero. Neither do many other things, for that matter.

GQ: What is similarly useless?

Reading "Gala²," for example. (laughs)

GQ: Apart from your father, who in the Formula 1 business have you learned the most from?

Alexander Wurz, my colleague at Williams. He had experience and was very smart.

GQ: Qualities you envy him for?

No, I'm very smart myself.

GQ: You wanted to go to university and, at least that's what I read, you got a 1.2 in your Abitur³…

No. That's been written all over the place for five years, but one newspaper copied it wrong from another. My Abi average was only 2.1⁴.

GQ: Nothing to be ashamed of there either. Anyway, you seem to be an intelligent person. You speak four languages…

There are five. English, Italian, French, Spanish and German.

GQ: Finnish?

Unfortunately not. German was spoken at our house. Or wait. I can do this one. (Rosberg says something that sounds very, very Finnish).

GQ: And that means?

Mouse shit. That's what my mother taught me, she knows every swear word.

GQ: Okay. You speak five languages, you graduated from high school at 16, and you wanted to study mathematics and physics, but you play poker on your computer and read the "Bild" newspaper. How does that fit together?

Does it have to fit? I think it's important to stand by what you do. Regardless of whether others find it strange or not. Other newspapers are just too lazy for me.

GQ: Let's say your name is about to appear on the front page, with a story about your private life underneath. What would you do?

Instinct says fight back! But you have to find a way to accept the rules. You can control how much you want to be present in the media. Like Stefan Raab⁵. He leads two lives. One on TV and one in his private life.

GQ: Your girlfriend Vivian works as an interior designer. Is it important for you that the woman at your side also has a career?

Very important. I just have to be careful not to put too much pressure on her.

GQ: What do you mean by that?

I think, for example, that she finally needs her own website. I think I'm annoying her with that. But I think she is very, very talented. For example, she furnished my mobile home. Parquet floor, beautiful furniture, the walls are covered with stones. My old apartment was not so comfortable. But now I've moved and...

GQ: ...the girlfriend is taking care of the new apartment, of course.

Yes, but don't think I don't have an opinion about it, it's just that I lack the desire, like her, to try out 25 different shades of blue until you find the right wall color.

GQ: As a racing driver, you seem to be more patient.

That's right. Unlike my father, who had the image of being more of a Rambo on the track. I drive cleaner, more precisely.

In your private life, too? When did you collect your last speeding ticket?

To be honest, I drive very slowly. Especially in the south of France, there are so many police on the road. I'd be stupid there. What happens to me sometimes is that my mind is somewhere else and then I miss a solid line or something.

GQ: Is there anything that makes you aggressive when you're driving? 

The other day I was in the fast lane and someone put on his blinker next to me and just pulled out. He puts my life in danger, but instead of apologizing, he flips me the bird. That's when I get furious.

GQ: Have you ever been scared in a car?

Privately, in any big city in Asia. It's unbelievable chaos there, a different world.

¹Bild Zeitung, a German tabloid newspaper i.e. the German equivalent of 'The Sun' ²French celebrity gossip magazine ³German equivalent to A-levels/International Baccalaureate ⁴1.6–2.5 gut (good: an achievement which lies substantially above average requirements) ⁵German entertainer and producer

[junniorstarbreak]

Blog Update Cause it 2024 !!

Hello everyone! Maybe you guys have forgotten that you were following me lol, since I have been inactive and sporadic here. Social media has changed so hard ever since the purge and the pandemic, but it 2024 so it is time I just reclaim myself and my dreams and goals...

And to give everyone a proper explanation of what that entails and what my plans would be moving forward, in fact this post is to help me come clean with my feelings and experiences so I can accept them and move on, that doesn't mean this will be my last post on this account, but more so that I want to create a cleaner slate for me to get stuff done~

For starters when I started this blog I did it because of an old fandom friend, we became close due to our love for Steven Universe, she became like a beacon, a mentor figure to how to interact online with people, as you can tell from that I'm pretty much part of the OG 2014 era of Tumblr, that boom where Superwholock and the Homestuck fandom where at their peak, witnessed Undertale's humble demo beginnings and how when it released in full it became a viral sensation, something that only tumblr had the power to do, which has been hard to replicate on a social media such as twitter and even harder everywhere else. (Which is why I think games like Omori didn't generate enough traction in comparison)

Tumblr got me through my darkest times after 2013 when I unfortunately got abused by my principal and I had lost all sense of direction, it became a place of comfort and happiness, better than facebook, and more flexible than twitter, I was living and having fun and discovering more about myself, exploring me as a person and my interests, it was my fave go to website during my university years while I grew artistically and got the chance to come out of my shell and meet new friends.

It was an inspiring place with so much to discover, seeing cool peeps, cool fan art, memes, people of so many walks of life and stories whether outlandish or truthful, you could easily interact with people and discover new fandoms and have so much fun, I got to meet nice people, cool artists, inspiring fellas, and precious friends I'll never forget.

I began my tumblr with the idea of joining fandoms and post art, but obviously I was a newbie in those regards, I developed this hyperfixation of keeping up with my dash (do people still call it that?) and always scroll down to the very last post of the day before, while I juggled my academic life and my working life (since I had to pay for my Uni) somehow I focused more on just laughing and reblogging anything I found cool, which meant my first Tumblr became a reblogging personal space, which meant my art posts would get swamped (even tho I had an art tag) so I pretty much gave up on the idea of having an art blog since I didn't have much time for art anyways, and I had to be more focused in my academic life than on being active here or making stuff to post.

In a way tho, that made me feel invisible and made me develop the usual worries such as wanting to go viral, having thousands of notes, being noticed, having a popular post, having thousands of followers, being noticed by cool people or artists, being ACTIVE, having fun with EVERYONE, being recognized in a fandom, being part of something, never feeling enough, making cool projects and getting opportunities... those insecurities led to anxieties, and those anxieties were demoralizing and paralyzing...

As the years went by though, my friend left the internet, wherever she is, I wish her well on her journey, I am thankful for the time together; meanwhile I was dealing with the pressure and stress of my final years of Uni, and also that dreaded feeling of worthlessness and anxiety of feeling far away from my original plans and goals, I felt low... compared to peers or people in the industries I wanna be a part of, which made me feel even worst and stuck, when I finally graduated I felt aimless and without structure, then I got a job at an unfortunalte TOXIC Publicity Agency...

Agencies are as draining and demanding as the worst places to work, enter at 8:00 am and go home till 10:00 pm... yep big NOPE... a draining job like that just made me feel worst about myself, about my art skills, about me as a person, while you had younger peeps becoming viral artists or activists, I felt I was sinking into constant panic and worry thinking this was my life now for years to come, without aspiring to be anything else... it worsen the clinical depression I was experiencing, It's a life I have no plans to return to, I know better now, but oh boy, that was 2019 so... you know what happens next 2020 and... the pandemic was not kind to me, mental breakdowns and borderline suicidal, I WAS A WRECK, and it took some time to heal from those scars of loss, tragedy, abuse, trauma... always overworking without realizing I was straying away from my dreams... always comparing myself to others who I've never met (sometimes I still do) and not trying to rise above the drowning sinkhole I was in...

So... I became so envious and jealous of others success, and became more recluse and shut down, I felt alienated, and alone, hopeless and done... the worst

To this day I still gotta work through my negative feelings, since I still feel excluded from the circles I wanna be a part of, from art communities, from fandoms, maybe because I don't like this thing everyone else is liking, specially people who I look up to enjoying and vibing with a thing together but me being invisible and in the background unable to achieve the same, but... I know that's on me and not on people who have never met me (parasocialism can damn you) so... that's why I am taking the time to write this long post, I kept postponing it over and over again, but it is time I finally take this step for my sake, and the sake of my dreams.

I was inspired to finally start a new chapter in my life and career by the support of new people I've met, a much more forgiving family, and by an AMAZING psychiatrist that has helped me improve my mental state so let me ramble a bit just to finish.

I recently finished Hirogaru Sky! Pretty Cure (By recently I mean February, but you know I was postponing this post for months now) and honestly even though I have been a massive magical girl nerd for years, I never got to finish a Pretty Cure season before, this is legit my first time doing so and I don't regret it, because it a season with the important message on how to be truthfully strong, and having the fortitude of moving on regardless of how painful it can be, and an episode that spoke to me was when Sora felt like she couldn't be an hero anymore, and returned to her homeland to just live a normal life, later on she found the drive to become an hero again, and her dad said a phrase that still rings true "Even if your dream shatters, or you lose it... it will come back to you"... ever since, I felt the need to finally take that step that scares me and gives me anxiety... an that is, to say goodbye to the past and start anew, make a new space for myself, a new tumblr, new accounts, new name... new me, make a clean place that is just for my art, the things I love, the things I enjoy, the things I wanna talk about, an active place surrounded by people who will love my stuff and who will support my projects.

Because even if I don't get into an industry that doesn't mean I have to stop creating, I don't wanna be invisible and just reblog all the time, I wanna MAKE, I wanna CREATE, I want to post art and share my love and experience with others in a better place that actually feels mine, where I can start from scratch and defeat those negative feelings, I don't need to be viral or make a hit game or anything like that, I just need to enjoy life and grow as a person while I work towards my dreams and ambitions, because, I don't want to be scared anymore, I want to just take that first step and no longer make excuses not to, I wanna be reborn and do better for myself...

As for these old tumblr? It gonna remain as a personal space for reblogs and what not, I don't think it needs to be deleted or deactivated but I am sure it will get ocassional use and not constant as I'll be focusing on my life plans~

Thank you so much for reading till the end, it is quite the lenghty post but, I had these feelings in my chest for years and finally have the bravery to free them into the world.

I also want to recommend BUCCHIGIRI?! underrated anime😤 it had to compete with Dungeon Meshi for attention, but boy is it worth a watch, specially if you anime like DBZ, it pumps you with adrenaline and the story is a heartfelt endeavor of growth and how to deal with your inner demons!

So what are my next steps? well... I am planning to watch Wonderful Precure and probs Kaiju No.8 plenty of shows I wanna watch and enjoy honestly~

Anyways, here is my new tumblr link!

Sure, it a work in progress, but I am ready to make it my new home and become a better me now :3

[suseagull04]

Fic Writer Asks

Thanks happinessofthepursuit and @read-and-write- for the tags!

Ao3 name: suseagull04

Fandoms: OUAT, Ted Lasso, Red, White and Royal Blue, Shadow and Bone (the show), Six of Crows, MCU, The Magicians (the show), Captain America, Crescent City, Black Panther, Throne of Glass, What If...,?, ACOTAR

Number of works: Was actually just looking at this- 203!

Work I spent the least time on: all of the Wednesday 100 and @thebrownstone drabbles, those can take me about 5 minutes sometimes!

Work I spent the most time on: Probably a tie between Be Careful What You Wish For and The Beauty in the Beast... likely the latter, just going off of chapter numbers and the fact that it's almost done.

Longest fic: The Beauty in the Beast

Shortest fic: all the Wednesday 100 and Brownstone drabbles are tied!

Most hits: Pretending

Most kudos: Pretending

Total word count: 711,979 (but that's about to increase by about 3k in the next couple days)

Favorite work of my own: The Beauty in the Beast has been my baby forever, I still remember coming up with the idea, and same with Pretending, which started out as a gift, but turned into this huge thing that now has a WIP sequel- but I'm excited about my Halloween, Huh? prompts and where my RWRB multichapter is going!

Fic I'd rewrite/expand on: rewrite? Too many, but especially my first fic. Expand... great question!

Bit of a WIP: sneak peek of what's coming out in the next couple days (both entries on either end of Tuesday, because I mixed up the prompt order, oops) :

Alex tried to get out of class as soon as the bell rang for the end of the day. It seemed that Henry was on to his strategy, though, because he was waiting for Alex when he walked out of the classroom. It seemed grossly unfair to Alex. After all, he was the one who had been attending this school for years. Shouldn't he be the one who was able to avoid scenarios he didn't want to deal with?

"What do you want?" Alex asked, impatiently. "I've got stuff I need to do." It wasn't even a lie, either. The Triple Threat Trio helped out at the chocolate factory a couple times a week, learning the ins and outs of the business they would one day inherit. Alex also had a job working with his dad's best friend, Rafael Luna, at the restaurant the two men had opened together when Alex's parents got divorced one afternoon a week. Between those responsibilities and homework, he really didn't have time to deal with spoiled brats who considered themselves foreign dignitaries. 

"We need to plan when we're going to work on this project, do we not?" Henry asked in the snobbiest way possible. 

Alex whipped around, finally done ignoring him. Two could play at this game. "I'm going to work on this project. You're probably going to just have your creepy shadow do it for you. Let me tell you something, Your Royal Highness: some of us actually have to work for what we get. It doesn't get handed to us on a silver platter." He was fuming, and he was sure Henry could tell. He should've cared (after all, he had to get through this project somehow, so they needed to cooperate), but he couldn't find it in himself to muster that kind of energy. Henry hadn't shown that he deserved it.

Both entries are part of my multichapter fic, the first chapter can be found here:

Tagging (as always, no pressure): @believingispowerfulmagic @daisymae-12 @dracowillhearaboutthis @14carrotghoul @celeritas2997 @orchidscript @heybuddy-drabbles and anyone else who wants to do this!