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charthanry · 2 years

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BBS: Deconstructing the Entire Series (Part 4 of 13)

Welcome to my deep dive into each episode where I break down character motives, P’Aof’s delivery, and general musings of all things BBS. Basically, a scene-by-scene recap with commentary from me, your friendly neighborhood commentator. If you missed the previous installments of this post series, you’re welcome to check them out:

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Recapping the recap: We left EP3 with Pat manipulating his friends to help the architects rebuild the bus stop. After years of keeping it, Pat finally returns Pran’s guitar to him. Pat and Pran are now straddling that undefined space between not-enemies but not exactly friends either. Pran obviously wants more, and Pat is frustratingly oblivious to the entire thing.

Episode Four: The Rugby Match, an Old Friend, and Would You Like Me? (or AKA “Without you? It’s no fun.”)

In the game of gay chicken, it’s a showdown of who will blink first.

We open with the two opposing squad leaders facing off suspiciously close to one another. Must you lean thisclose to hear each other? Is it my imagination or is Pat eyeing Pran’s lips here? Pran has a look that clearly says my eyes are up here, asshole. The unresolved sexual tension is so charged that I can feel the static in my hair from all the friction. Apparently, Einstein-hair is one of the side effects of shipping these boys. Another is a high tolerance for muscle tees with nonsensical slogans on them. Even the opposing friends are averting their gazes from all the sexual tension these two are emitting. I guess unlike us, they all value their perfectly coiffed hair.

After much ado about divvying up the bus stop workload, Wai annoyingly comments that if anybody can't carry their weight it’s the engineers which offends Korn and a kerfuffle nearly breaks out. Waisel- just shut your yapper, nobody even asked you and Korn- quit giving him the satisfaction of reacting. Good grief! These boys have turned me into a hall monitor. Ever the mediator, Pran stops their antics by deciding one group will take the even days and the other will take the odd.

At the bus stop site, Wai once again feels the need to whine about the untrustworthy engineers. In a surprisingly sweet move, Pran gallantly defends Pat and assures his friends that Pat is a man of dignity. Aww Pran, that’s right, defend your almost-man. And isn’t it rich of Wai to call out Pat? Somebody get this weasel a mirror. I’ve had enough of his nostril flaring. Was he a bull in a previous life?

I'm adding pouty Pran to the list of best Prans, because look at this face y’all.

After Pran's emphatic defense of Pat's character, we cut to a hilarious scene of Pat apologizing to Pran for his friends not showing up for bus duty. Opting instead to attend a last-minute music concert. Pran rolls his eyes and asks why Pat didn’t keep them in line and Pat’s response is I was too busy dancing at said concert. Pran’s face in response is its own meme. One that rhetorically asks murdering your literal neighbor is still considered a crime, right? Even if he’s asking for it?

Pat comments that if everyone were as eager to work as they are to fight, the bus stop would already be built by now which sparks a lightbulb in Pran’s head. Together he and Pat scheme to have their friends compete in a one-upmanship with taunting notes left at the site for each other. I really must applaud Pran here, the idea is genius. And credit to Pat for giving Pran the nudge to come up with it. They're truly the best partners-in-manipulation. Foreshadowing to future events? Why, yes, the show thanks you for noticing.

The bus stop crew meet at the site for an interview with the school paper. Pat’s gang shows up overdressed in matching slacks and ties. They look like waiters ready to pass the hors d'oeuvres at some catered event. Pran looks on mockingly, but we see you ogling Pat, bro, don’t deny it. He can’t resist commenting that Pat’s shoes are particularly shiny and Pat volleys back that Pran sure is one to talk as he reeks of cologne himself. Sir, I think that’s just his natural pheromones triggering you. I love that they’re openly flirting in public now and with their friends within earshot, too. These two are blatantly ignoring any warning sirens of danger, Will Robinson, and we’re here for the delicious play-by-play.

We're treated to a slow-mo entrance of a pretty girl running up to the group. Cue the flashback informing us that this is their former high school classmate, Ink. She’s there to photograph the bus stop for the school paper. Pran gives Pat a panicked look, which Pat immediately picks up on and scuttles Ink away from everyone. Pran’s face is a myriad of feelings, there's his obvious concern about being busted for hiding their past but also something else, something deeper. We are picking up heavily on that something else.

Look at Pat’s body language here. This doesn’t strike me as someone who is joyfully reunited with his high school crush?

Off to the side, Pat explains to Ink that he and Pran’s faculties have deep rivalries, and nobody knows of their shared history. He asks if she can keep this information to herself. Ink is willing to play along but not before extracting a price for her silence. Poor Pat is weary of what this entails and honestly so are we.

It’s nighttime and the engineers are practicing for an upcoming rugby match against the architects. Korn teases Pat about Ink and asks if he knows her. Pat plays it off that he was just seizing his chance to talk to her alone. Korn then makes an offhand comment that has the entire fandom hyperventilating: I thought you said you liked someone in architecture. Um, excuse me??? Come again? I need to replay this. Assuming this isn’t lost in translation, it’s curious that Pat neither denies nor corrects Korn here, he merely says, you call yourself an engineering student? Why are you now defending the architects? Ugh. Pat is being frustratingly evasive. Answer the guy’s question!

Their chitchat draws the ire of the coach and they’re punished with running drills. Seriously? That’s it?? You’re going to drop that bomb on us and then just run away? Damn you, show. Insert gif of Arthur’s clenched fist.

We cut to Pran outside using his phone’s flashlight while searching for his dropped earbud. He walks around adorably muttering to himself when he bumps into Pat fresh from rugby practice. Pran tells Pat to get lost, but Pat insists on helping him look. Even with something this simple, the two still find ways to bicker with each other. Pat doesn’t watch where he’s going and unintentionally steps on the very thing they’re looking for, because of course he does.

Holding the busted earbud, Pat is genuinely apologetic but Pran doesn’t hold back his irritation. He reiterates his mantra that every time they’re together, nothing good happens.

Pran is back in his dorm when there’s an insistent knock at his door. It’s Pat coming to lend Pran his own earbuds. Pran initially refuses but Pat is clever and pokes at his competitiveness by saying he’ll need it for the music contest and to not use the lack of earbuds as an excuse to lose against Pat and the engineers. Pran finally relents, but we know that Pat only used the contest to get Pran to take the earbuds and I suspect that Pran knows this as well.

Pran is so distracted by Pat’s thoughtfulness that he lets his guard down which Pat takes as an opening to barge into Pran’s room. The two go back and forth about Pat’s sweat stinking up Pran’s place. And it’s like watching the most fascinating game of table tennis, ever. The way these two banter is like a competitive sport. Pat takes it a notch further by stuffing Pran's head inside his sweaty shirt, which eww. But how much do I love that they've now graduated from verbal foreplay into physical just like that. That it’s become comfortable for them to have their hands on each other. Pat has bulldozed his way into Pran's physical and personal spaces and our Pran’s defenses are visibly weakening.

To quote one Rory Gilmore, look at this butt-faced miscreant.

Pran has had enough and kicks him out. Also, can your voice get any higher pitched, my guy? I think that’s the most excitable I’ve ever seen you. How warm was it inside Pat's shirt? Are you feeling lightheaded? Do we need to do a temp check? He closes the door in Pat’s face but of course can’t resist another peek at the peephole. Pat stands outside his door and obnoxiously chants you knowww you want to let me in. Pran just shakes his head but not before his face blooms in a glorious smile of defeat. How does he make defeat look so sweet? He sits back on his couch and stares affectionately at the borrowed earbuds.

The next day, Pran heads to the campus coffee shop after class and happens on Pat and Ink. It triggers a flashback where high school Pran is waiting for his milk tea order when a passing Pat pauses on his way to music club and tells Pran he’ll see him there. Pran nods in response and immediately turns around and orders a second drink for Pat. Our hearts ache for the obvious hope we can see churning in his chest. Oh, sweet Pran. Can you imagine his trek to that music room? How his steps are a little more hurried? How he carefully holds both drinks in his nervous, sweaty palms? Only to walk in on Pat and Ink goofing off and Pran’s face morphs into something akin to being run over by an oncoming freight train.

We’re back in the present, where history is repeating itself with Pran looking on as Pat teases Ink. The look on Pran’s face as he watches them is heartbreaking; it’s that damn freight train coming for him again. Just as his heart and bones are finally healing from the last collision three years prior. The show is telling us this is nothing new for Pran. He’s been here before, a spectating third wheel to his own life. And it hurts us something fierce because we can all relate. Unrequited love is a heavy burden, made worse when you’ve accepted it but it keeps jabbing you over and over with the reminder of what you can’t have. And it never stops hurting. It’s like picking at a barely healed scab again and again only to bleed anew, each time leaving a deeper scar than the previous.

We learn Ink’s price for her silence is Pat agreeing to model for her photoshoot. We also learn that he again skips bus stop duty to show up for Ink. Pran doesn’t know this and thinks Pat is skirting his responsibility to play with Ink. Once again proving to Pran that Pat chooses fun and games AND Ink over his promise to him. Only we know that Pat is doing this for you, Pran. He’s paying off her silence because you’ve made it clear you don’t want anyone knowing your shared history. It’s a version of noble idiocy that you can’t fault anyone for, the kind that hurts all parties involved.

We cut to Pran at his own rugby practice where he’s so distracted by his irritation with Pat that he tackles his opponent hard and hurts his shoulder. Pran is at Wai’s bar after practice when who should walk in for a post-photo session meal but Pat and Ink. Really? Do you guys have no other place to eat at? Did the curry spot, noodle truck, and all the other restaurants in the area suddenly get snapped by Thanos? Our Pran really can’t catch a break, can he?

How Nanon manages to make heartache look stunningly gorgeous is beyond me. There’ll be no reenactment of Dawson crying by the creek for this guy.

He tries in vain to make a quiet escape, but Ink catches him. The face Pran makes when Ink tells him to join them is gut-wrenching. Pat pulls out a seat for him, but Pran bypasses it to sit next to Ink instead. The layers of this scene could rival that of the earth’s atmosphere. Pat looks at the chair he pulled out for Pran and presumptive understanding dawns on his face. Pran is pissed at him. Yes, but not for the reason you’re thinking, Pat!

Ink tries to engage the trio in small talk, bless her heart. We’re not sure if she’s oblivious to the tension or picks up on it and decides not to intervene, but Pat is curiously looking at Pran and Pran is valiantly looking back at him. Say what you will of Pran’s tendency to run away, but I applaud him here for meeting Pat's questioning gaze straight on.

An unspoken conversation passes between them where both are using different interpreters. It’s reminiscent of that kids’ telephone game where you whisper a message in one person’s ear to another and once you’ve reached the last person, the message is so distorted that it barely resembles the original. That is what’s happening here. Pat is saying, I see you. You’re upset. Let me fix this. And Pran is saying, Do you? There’s nothing to fix. Because you and I are nothing to each other. And it’s Pran’s breaking heart doing the talking for him, only Pat thinks that it’s for another reason entirely and misinterprets everything.

It’s the smiling through the pain that breaks me. I’m breathless at how good he is at this, and it hurts me that he’s had years of practice.

This is an emotional trainwreck, one that is excruciatingly painful to watch, but also impossible to look away from. Ink asks if they’ll be facing off against each other in the upcoming rugby match; our boys’ eyes connect, and the small half smiles they give for Ink’s benefit is gutting. Ink wonders out loud which of the two of them she should root for, unintentionally pitting them against each other in a way that is wholly separate from anything that has to do with the rugby field.

Pat pushes the menu towards Pran and softly asks him what he wants to eat. He cares, Pran, he really does, we know you’re hurting but look beyond your broken heart right now and recognize that he cares about you. Please be brave one more time. But Ink chooses this exact moment to notice Pat’s P-bracelet because life is just that cruel to one Pran Parakul. Is that the sound of a train’s whistle racing forward in the distance?

As Ink marvels over Pat having kept the bracelet all this time, Pran is checked out and has a faraway look on his face. We’re shown a flashback of Pran watching Ink gift Pat the bracelet back in high school. This memory seems to be the final straw for Pran. It’s been a long day full of conflicting thoughts of Pat only to end with a tension-filled evening he didn’t ask for. Add to that, his stinging shoulder and Pran is just DONE with everything and everyone. He makes a flimsy excuse of only now realizing he has something to do and makes a hasty exit. Pat intuitively watches as Pran leaves.

Later in his dorm, Pran answers the door to a concerned Pat who is delivering the dinner he didn’t get to eat. Pran declines the peace offering and moves to shut his door, but winces as he inadvertently pulls his injured shoulder. Pat notices and nags him to treat it with medicine.

Cut to the two of them sitting on Pran’s couch with Pat adamant about treating Pran’s injury and the concern he’s showing here is a much softer version of Pat, one we haven't seen before. Pran gives in to Pat’s insistence and rolls up his sleeve, we see that the injury is a lot worse than we imagined. Pat applies the meds to Pran’s shoulder and the look Pran gives him says everything. He doesn’t bother holding back the clear adoration he has for him. It’s all laid as bare as the shoulder Pat is taking care of. Pat, open your eyes and SEE PRAN. He’s right there.

How blind can Pat be? Pran is absolutely gone for him and isn’t even hiding it here. It was a taxing day and this is a moment of weakness for our Pran – where his usual facade slips.

Pat tells Pran to be more careful, that they have a game in a couple days. Pran says they’ll have an advantage then; it’ll be easier for the engineers to win. Pat responds with zero hesitation that without Pran, where’s the fun? What’s the point of even playing if Pran can’t play? And GOD, this is so telling, isn’t it? Pat, make the connection faster my guy. You’re right on the verge of figuring it out. There’s a moment where Pat finishes treating Pran’s shoulder where their eyes meet over the small space between them, and the entire fandom collectively holds our breath as we implore both to just see each other.

Pat extends their time together by asking if Pran has any makeup remover. He wants to clean off the makeup from the photoshoot. Pran comments oh the one you did with Ink? Pat is surprised that Pran already knows. Pran says Pat posted it to IG, didn’t he want the entire world to know? Yet more foreshadowing to later in the series when Pat posts about their relationship on IG. This show is dropping crumbs everywhere and we’re here gobbling it up.

Pran hands Pat the miscellar cleanser but he’s clueless on how to use it, so Pran takes over and helps him. There is something incredibly soft and gentle about Pran cleaning Pat’s face for him. It's what you do for someone you love. Pat can’t help but tease Pran with cute dimples you’ve got there. If had your dimples, would I be as cute as you? A stunned Pran is speechless that Pat paid him a compliment so openly and easily, but credit to him for not dismissing Pat’s teasing as we’d expect him to, but instead volleys back what, these dimples? and flashes them cheekily. He then tells Pat that he’s sorry to break the news, but only he can have these super-cute dimples. He then shoos Pat away and only once the door is firmly between them does Pran reveal his totally blissed-out smile. He repeats his ritual of looking through the peephole for any last visage of Pat, smiling the entire time. Forget the meds, a dose of Pat is all he really needs.

You can physically feel the sigh through this screenshot. Nanon is just that good.

If it would please the court, we’d like to conclude our closing argument that these two are in love, your honor. They are no longer hiding their flirtation behind insults; they are outright flirting now. One claims he’s hot and the other did not refute his claim and now there’s face cleansing and dimple poking involved. Your honor, we would like to rest our case that these two are out here proving our argument for us.

It’s the day of the rugby match and Pran is alone on the bleachers when Pat joins him. He asks if Pran is fit to play and reaches out to ruffle his hair, only for Pran to wave him off. Satisfied that his shoulder appears better, Pat asks, what, you’re afraid people are going to think I’m flirting with you? Way to go straight for the jugular, Pat. And he proceeds to tease and poke at Pran some more, but it’s all halted by Ink and Jam showing up. Now that there’s an audience, Pran dismisses Pat back to his side of the field.

The match is underway with the engineers in red and the architects in green. Pat and Pran are the stars of their respective teams. They both try to outdo each other on the field to the surprise of absolutely no one. There’s a beat where Pran scores, runs back, and flick-salutes Pat with a devilish smirk and oh GOD, it’s so boss and HOT. Pran, we been knowing there’s a sexy beast hidden beneath those dimples, you should unleash him more often. Hit Pat when he least expects it and promise you’ll let us watch.

I’m completely convinced that P’Aof chose rugby for this script to feed us all the waist grabbing and manhandling, and oh man are we feasting. There’s another bit where Pat has the ball and Pran comes after him, hugging him from behind. Pat hands the ball off to Korn who proceeds to score, but Pran, too busy watching the action, hasn’t yet let go of Pat. And Pat, that bastard, teases him with hug me this tight and you might as well take me as your boyfriend and has the gall to WINK at him. Boy, please.

Pran takes a hard tackle and gets up rubbing his shoulder, it doesn’t escape Pat’s notice and he pulls Korn aside with a new game plan. Pat will cover Pran. Aww, Pat. We see you. Only it doesn’t go as planned. Pran has the ball, but Pat hesitates to tackle him and out of nowhere Korn comes in for the kill and Pran goes down painfully. Wai shows up, because of course he does, and menacingly stands in between Pat who is trying to check if Pran is okay. Waisel, calm your ass down. Pran is helped off the field and Pat approaches Korn demanding why he didn’t follow the plan, he said he had Pran covered. Korn is all like hell you did, I saw you hesitate, what the hell is going on with you, Pat?! Indeed, Korn surprisingly you’re asking the right questions.

Match over and without Pran, the architects are defeated by the engineers. Ink approaches Pran and consoles him that his team would have won if he were able to stay in the game. She then gifts him with his own P-bracelet, revealing that she wanted to give it to him back in 10th grade, but he transferred before she got the chance. Aww, Ink, you made them couple bracelets. You’re totally one of us! She helps him put it on and we see Pran working up the courage to ask her something. He finally does and this will forever be the bravest moment on the show for me.

Ink is surprised and peers at Pran, maybe she sees what we all know but does Pran a solid and doesn't let on. She tells him she only sees Pat as a friend, just like how she sees him. And we can all feel Pran's visible relief at her response. Oh, Pran. Your bravery moves me because I understand what this took from you. How you've watched Pat and Ink from the sidelines all these years. Never knowing if there was more going on, but always too afraid to find out. We’ve all been here in Pran’s shoes. Having accepted that our love is unrequited, but never quite willing to seal our own fate by confirming that the object of our desire is coveted by someone else. Someone we deem more worthy of receiving our love’s affection. Someone not us. It’s a disheartening state to find yourself in, this limbo of never being able to move on yet afraid of putting the nail in your own coffin by finding out.

Pran and Ink continue to sit on the bleachers chatting away, both failing to notice that Pat is at the other end watching their interaction with an unreadable expression on his face. We aren’t sure how much he’s overheard, but we’re certain that even if he caught the entire exchange, he’d somehow draw the wrong conclusion from it.

Later that night there is another knock on Pran’s door. We only need one guess as to who’s on the other side. Seriously, how many times has Pat sought out Pran in this episode alone? The boy simply can’t stay away. Make the connection already, dude. Isn’t it telling that you somehow always manage to end up in front of Pran’s door? Ask yourself what that’s all about.

Pran opens his door to reveal that Pat got him some meds for his shoulder. Pran turns him down saying he has his own, but Pat is insistent. He tells Pran that if he wants to return the favor, to let him crash in his dorm tonight. He forgot his key and Pa isn’t answering her phone. Pran, thinking that this is yet another Pat move, and honestly who can blame him? tells Pat to keep trying for Pa and shuts the door.

Later, Pran looks in his peephole to check if Pat is really locked out of his dorm and finds a desolate Pat sitting in their hallway. It takes him less than 30 seconds to decide that he can’t leave Pat out there and opens his door to him. This is huge. Earlier in the episode Pran was very against Pat being in his space, going so far as to kick him out just for sitting on his couch. But here he is granting him entry and a place to rest his head for the night. How far he’s come. He opens the door with slight trepidation because he knows himself. He recognizes that he probably won’t get a wink of sleep tonight knowing Pat is breathing the same air, existing in the same space as him.

Pran is setting up a sleep mat for Pat on the floor next to his bed when Pat enters from the bathroom – shirtless. And there are abs galore, my friends, so much abs. Ahem, what are you doing, sir? Have you no mercy for Pran (or us?) Pran stares without making it seem that he’s staring, we gotchu buddy. Pat asks if he can just sleep shirtless and Pran quickly says no, absolutely not and tosses him a t-shirt from his hamper. He says he hasn’t washed it yet. Pat does a sniff test and declares it still smells great. Because of course it does, it smells like Pran – the scent of heaven to Pat’s nose. Pran’s face in response is hilarious as if he’s thinking what the hell is wrong with you? And what the hell is wrong with me (for liking you)? Pat promises to wash it before returning it and Pran says don’t bother that he’s gonna toss it out implying that he no longer wants it now that it’s been worn by Pat and Pat is all, awesome, new shirt for me then.

I think Pat has found his doppelganger in Pran’s emoji lamp.

Pran is trying very hard to school his face but seeing Pat wearing his clothes has to be doing something to his insides. The shirt he’s worn on his skin is now touching Pat’s skin. I suspect the whole declaration of throwing the shirt out was just for show, this shirt is something Pran is going to cherish for the rest of time. Just like the watch. The earbuds. The guitar. And anything else related to Pat.

Pat says he can’t sleep without his comfort object, Nong Nao, and looks pleadingly at Pran. I half expected him to ask if he can join Pran in bed and use him as a Nong Nao replacement, which yes, please! But Pran is all, don’t even think about it. And in your dreams. (In ALL of our dreams, really). He instead concedes to sharing some of his blanket/comforter with him.

Sometime later, both boys are wide awake staring at nothing in particular. The awkwardness is deafening. Pat is the first to break the silence and asks if Ink gave Pran a bracelet earlier and Pran pauses before responding that yes, she did, the same one she gave to Pat. After several beats, it’s Pran’s turn to break the silence with can I ask you something? Pat responds that he also has a question that he wants to ask Pran. They both seem to already know what the other is wanting to ask. Pran insists on Pat going first. After some hemming and hawing, Pat blurts out do you like Ink? There’s some back and forth of you answer first, no I asked you first, so you answer, they then decide to both answer at the same time on the count of three.

We know Pran’s answer is a resounding no, but we’re not expecting for Pat’s answer to be yes and neither is Pran judging by his reaction. It’s like the air is completely sucked out of his lungs upon hearing Pat’s yes. He’s drowning and can’t even outwardly react because Pat is RIGHT THERE. Pat sighs in relief and actually says the words what a relief! He thought they were rivals for the same girl. Oh Pat, you stupid, clueless idiot.

Where Pran draws the strength to ask if Pat has confessed to Ink yet, I’ll never know. His eyes are flooding with unshed tears, and I just want to smack Pat here, and not affectionately either. Pat responds that he hasn’t yet and asks Pran if he thinks Ink would like him. Pran gives a deprecating chuckle and says how would he know? Pat gets up and leans over the side of the bed and asks If you were her, would you like me? Pran answers with all the life preservation he has left in him, someone like you? What’s there to like? As if he doesn’t already have a long running list of all the reasons why he’s already gone for Pat.

Pat says there are many things and proceeds to list them out. He was a drummer in Pran’s band, he prevented Pran from getting beaten up by Korn and the gang, he helped him get that sponsorship for the bus stop, he kept his guitar for him. And here P’Aof attempts to put us all in our deathbeds by complementing Pat’s narration with Pran’s own montage of all the things Pran already knows and loves about Pat. The Christmas concert where Pran sings but only has eyes for his drummer, the world’s one and only handsome guitar pick, Pat saving the day with the 100% eco-pitch, the bus stop role playing, and finally the return of his guitar. The list goes on and Pran’s chin wobbles as he holds back the dam that’s threatening to burst. How he holds all his emotions in check, I have no idea but this moment right here cements what we already know – that Pran Parakul is the strongest person on this show bar none. To endure this much and for this long. There is no one, absolutely no one, who can hold a candle to him.

Let’s face it, Pran knew there was little chance of Pat reciprocating his feelings, but Pat’s actions leading up to all this said otherwise. The dimple poking? The I think you’re cute? The if you’re not playing, then where’s the fun? The constant checking and rechecking of Pran’s shoulder injury? The incessantly showing up at Pran’s door. What are you even doing, Pat? And now you’re asking if Pran were Ink, if he’d like you? I don’t blame Pran’s response here at all. As hurtful as it is, and as much as we know that it’s a lie, it’s Pran’s only life raft at this point and he’s choosing to SURVIVE behind his I... hate you. After telling this emphatic lie, he rolls over and away from Pat.

A stunned and hurt Pat pulls away and talks out loud, almost to himself, that he has many good qualities. That even he likes himself. Well, good for you sir. We’re happy for you, but can you please shut up now? He further digs Pran’s grave by saying good luck finding someone half as good as me. Oh, you ass, this is emotional torture. We implore you to stop talking. Finally done saying his piece, he lies back down.

Noting the silence, Pran rolls back over and looks at Pat. Then P’Aof murders us by showing a close up of Pran as he looks Pat’s way. He has tears in the corners of his eyes. And there it is. Our sweet Pran has given into his pain and quietly shed his emotions no longer able to hold them at bay. He watches as Pat sleeps and the look on Pran’s face is so openly fond and endearing belying the hurtful words he said to Pat just moments earlier. I want to reach into the screen and just wrap him in a protective cocoon and tell him he’s done good. That he can rest now, that Pat is an idiot and will figure it out soon.

Pran continues to watch Pat to his heart’s content. All those times he wanted to stare but had to pretend that he wasn’t. All the mockery and insults that he had to hide behind is quieted as he just stares and takes in his fill. He can’t help the small smile that peeks through. Everything about this moment is Pran being honest with himself when no one is there to call him on it. He doesn’t bother to hide his longing for Pat but instead gives into it, just for this small breadth of time and it feels so private and personal that we can’t help but feel like we’re intruding.

He finally looks away and shakes his head, wipes at his tears, and then yanks all the bed covers off of Pat. That’s right, the boy doesn’t deserve any of that warmth. Not tonight. Our Pran turns over to his side and we're left wondering how tear-soaked his pillow will be come morning. Life doles its cruelty out indiscriminately and unfairly, but damn it feels like Pran has suffered more than his share.

Chemistry based off of eye contact alone? These two have it in abundance.

And with that heaviness, we conclude our fourth hour with our boys. Let’s get some of the lighter points out of the way first. I think P’Aof landed at just the right amount of screen time for the friends. I didn’t find them as grating in this episode as in the previous ones maybe because their screen time was limited and therefore more tolerable. The focus of the story has shifted to Pat and Pran’s relationship, as it should. The show is telling us to buckle in, we’re no longer in the build-up phase, we’re about to enter the main story and based on this episode’s ending, I’m not sure that our hearts are prepared for what’s coming.

I like how Ink was introduced and everyone’s first inclination was to be up in arms at her sudden appearance. We’re so used to a third-party foil that we were all ready to sharpen our knives and pitchforks in defense of Pran. I absolutely love that P’Aof and his team quickly put our fears to ease by subverting all our usual expectations. Ink wasn’t introduced to be a villainous foil but more the catalyst to push our boys out of their comfort zone, especially Pran. If Ink hadn’t shown up, we can safely assume that Pran would continue loving Pat from a distance and never really doing anything about it. She also serves as the catalyst for Pat as well, but in the next episode. Ink is out here flexing her ability to push people to confront themselves simply by existing. We stan this girl.

I love their friendship. There’s a genuine mutual fondness here. No wonder Pat was worried he was losing Pran to Ink.

And how great is Ink? She has to know or at least suspect Pran’s feelings for Pat, but she respectfully keeps it to herself. How much do I love that she treats Pran’s question with dignity, but also keeps it light with her teasing. She focuses on teasing Pran and less on the real reason why Pran is asking. She has to know the amount of courage it took for Pran to ask, and rather than laugh him off, she studies him and assures him that there’s nothing more than friendship on her end. And the couple bracelets? Have I mentioned how much we stan this girl?

The parents didn’t play a role at all this episode, and I didn’t miss their presence one bit. There’ll be plenty of time for all that later. P’Aof is showing us Pat and Pran on their turf – at university surrounded by all their friends. He’s detailing the gradual changes to Pat and Pran’s relationship and how they handle these external factors before he pulls in the parental drama. In a way, he’s giving us a reprieve though never letting us forget that there’s a much larger obstacle waiting on the horizon. He’s working at establishing Pat and Pran as a united front in preparation for when the parents enter the picture. I, for one, am going to enjoy all of this parent-free drama for as long as we can.

Their eyes are always looking for each other even in a crowd of people.

I love that we’re shown how the boys are different when alone with each other. Without an audience to dictate their behavior, there’s less of a wall for Pat to scale to get to Pran. This is an especially noted change for Pran who is clearly concerned with people finding out that they’re more than mere faculty rivals. How far has Pran come from not even allowing Pat to sit on his couch at the beginning of this episode, to giving him a safe haven and a place to rest his head at the end? We can see that Pran’s defenses are on shaky ground as tornado Pat picks up speed and sweeps him away. Resistance is futile, kind sir. We all eventually succumb to the whirlwind that is Pat. It’s only a matter of time.

The flashbacks revealed so much this episode. We were fed a lot of background on their high school days. But keep in mind that we’re seeing all this through Pran’s perspective and he’s remembering it through the lens of loving Pat from afar. How reliable is Pran as a narrator? Is it possible that he read more into Pat and Ink’s interactions than both Pat or Ink felt themselves? I think Pran uses what he sees and remembers as an excuse to keep Pat at arm’s length. There’s less chance of getting his hopes up this way by creating that emotional barrier between himself and Pat. He’s convinced Pat can never feel for him the way he wants so having Ink there as a stand-in-between is convenient, if foolhardy. So, when Pran asks Ink if she likes Pat and learns that her answer is no that tempered hope dangerously re-ignites for Pran. And it was probably everything he was trying to avoid, but still had to know.

I want to touch on Pat showing up at Pran’s door consistently bearing gifts. In this episode alone it began with the earbuds, then the chicken dinner delivery, and then the meds for his shoulder. Even before this, he hangs onto Pran’s guitar for years waiting for an opportunity to return it to him. And it doesn’t even have to be at Pran’s door, Pat insists on helping him look for the dropped earbud, he’s adamant about treating his injured shoulder, he pushes the bar menu at Pran and asks him what he wants to eat, he tells Korn that he’ll cover Pran in the rugby match, he delivers food after Pran leaves because he doesn’t want him to go hungry. This is a recurring theme of Pat looking out for Pran in big and small ways. He likes feeling needed and useful to those he cares about; he’s a caretaker by nature and a fixer by environment, but also, this gives him a reason and excuse to see and spend time with Pran which is really at the heart of Pat’s desire though he doesn’t recognize it yet.

If all these acts of service and making himself a ‘necessity’ to Pran isn’t a metaphor for Pat offering himself, and his heart, to him then I don’t know what we’re even doing here. Notice that Pran consistently declines whatever it is Pat is offering – his gifts, his help, and his time – why? Pran doesn’t want to owe Pat. We’ve seen that he had to psych himself up just to say a simple thank you. Pran grew up learning to be independent by way of self-efficiency, this is in part due to how he was raised but also if you don’t rely on anyone else, then no one can let you down, right?

Pran, an only child, grew up friend-starved, he never needed to depend on anyone but himself. We see this in his friendship with Wai where Wai is the one who constantly takes and Pran is the one who gives. One might say that Pran doesn’t know any other way of being so doesn’t recognize that what he has with Wai is emotionally abusive at worst and a lopsided friendship at best. We also see it in the way Pran automatically assumes the role of leader in his friend group, taking on the bus stop rebuild when he had no obligation to do so. He doesn’t know how to be the one who leans on someone else.

So, here comes Pat who not only wants nothing in return, other than to prolong their time spent together, but also voluntarily sets himself as a stalwart companion for Pran, someone he can look to and depend on. Our Pran doesn’t know what to do with this change to his routine and way of life. He’s perfectly fine with Pat owing him (recall the debt extracted for saving Pa), but doesn’t know what to do with himself when the roles are reversed.

Now let’s look at this from Pat’s side. Does he feel that he needs to make himself worthy of Pran’s friendship? Even when helping him with the bus stop, there’s a sense that Pat feels he has to prove himself useful to Pran so that Pran would find reason to keep him around. I blame Ming who shows his love and affection only when Pat brings him good tidings, that he scored well on an exam, made president of his faculty, is a star athlete, top of the food chain. He doesn’t show Pat that he loves his son just because he’s his son, no strings attached or accolades necessary. This measurement of perceived value by delivering good marks and deeds has got to be deeply ingrained in Pat after all these years. It’s something he and Pran would need to work at fixing – that Pat doesn’t need to bring gifts or show excellence to be loved. Pat needs to recognize that Pran loves him just as he is, chaotic goof and all and not because he does things for him. That Pran’s love is not a tradeoff and can’t be bought. It’s freely given because of who Pat is, not because of what Pat can offer.

In that same vein, it’s curious that Pat lists all the reason why Pran (as Ink) should like him but fails to realize that none of the things on his list were even done for Ink? In fact, most of them happened when Ink wasn’t even around. What’s that about, Pat? Are you being willfully blind to your feelings for Pran? Or are you unconsciously testing the waters by asking Pran if what you’ve done is enough, can be enough for him to love you?

We assure you, Pat, it’s more than enough. He loves you despite all your flaws. He’s witnessed them all and still loves you anyway. You only need to open your eyes and see it.

):):):):):):):):)

Thank you as always for reading and reliving EP4 with me. Next up, Pat experiences an awakening as we shift from Pran’s point of view to that of our favorite engineer. I hope you’ll stick around for it. I’ll try not to go so long in between updates this time. For those who may have been worried that I would abandon this post series, fear not, I fully intend to see this through completion. I’m afraid you're stuck with me and my ramblings for the long haul.