#This man is a menace to society lmfao

[silvcrignis]

Me looking at a Snape fan blog posting a about how if Snape has a crush on you he’ll gruffly do all these nice things for you & I’m… *stares at mine*

Severus: If Black wanted to get out of the over the shoulder carry & not be thrown into the Lake she would’ve.

*nods* Sounds about right.

[gent-illmatic]

unsolicited 🫠

[90ekz]

JJK MENS’ FAVORITE SEX THINGS x1

- feat… satoru, toji, todo, higuruma.

- cont… nsfw, very poor dirty talk (someone teach me how to write ts PLEASE), black!fem!reader, typical dom/sub dynamics, sassy men, established relationships, ts nastyyyyy.

- an… ik this is a kinda random bunch, but i wanted to include some underrated men in here !! pt 2 will be up soon with the favs, don’t worry ;)

GOJO SATORU & FINGERING

this man right here… menace to society.

something about massaging your swollen clit with his thumb while he abuses your g-spot with his three fingers of choice is his favorite thing in the world !!!

using his hands during sex in general is a go-to, he knows exactly what it does to you too mmhm.

something about the way you seem to fall apart so much quicker when he uses his hands, watching so intently as he uses his other to press down on your stomach cs it overstims you :(( hes mean i fear

“mm, yeah? that’s that spot right there baby?”

and GOD FORBID you start complaining about how it’s too much, his lil dumbass is smirking and massaging even deeper while tears start to flow down your warm cheeks. asshole vibes 🙄

“awww you cryin’? such a big girl, i know you can give me one more..”

AOI TODO & TIT-FUCKING

to clarify, he didn’t even know you could do this LMFAO

he’d been eyeing your plush chest all night, the top of your dark areolas peaking above your lounging tank. you being you, you were very aware of this fact, and you indulged him. hugging him from behind, “dropping something down your shirt” and asking him to check for it, all the cliches. that man was blushing bhaddd.

eventually he got so needy and asked you to fuck him like a loser :((

so imagine his surprise when you wet his cock with saliva and begin to massage it between your tits, all the while asking him to tell you how it feels. you pushed your boobs together to tighten around him, not at all missing how his breath stuttered in his chest. that man was starstruck and had to hold back his nut fr :/

“ouuu shit—make that dick cum mama…”

now everytime you wear those low cut shirts around your apartment, hes pulling himself out half mast and slapping it on your plush skin, silently demanding.

TOJI FUSHIGURO & BACKSHOTS

do not get me starteddddd.

he adores watching you come back and grind against his dick, meeting him in the middle. the jiggle of your ass is enough to make him drool with a maniacal smile set on his face.

he’s constantly spilling a mix of praise and degradation, how you’re “such a good slut,” and such. he’ll even let you suck on his fingers if he’s gracious.

he’ll yank up any hairstyle you have at the moment and pound into you even deeper. one hand in your hair, another pressing your arch down to his satisfaction. sometimes if he’s feeling sadistic, he’ll won’t move at all and just admire your rhythm against his cock.

“that’s it, there’s my girl… work for that nut.”

as much as you love toji, your hairstylist does not admire him as much as you do. her personal beef has gone on for the entire 2 year length of your relationship that he’s been fuckin’ up lace glue, pulling out braids, unraveling locs, and frizzing up twists, and she has to be the one to fix ‘em… poor girl :/

HIRUMI HIGURUMA & FACE-SITTING

#1 munch award goes to:

you were being very wary about this, considering it isn’t exactly the safest thing to put all of your weight on top of someone’s face and neck but… he hates breathing apparently ??

you feel his rare smile against your sopping wet hole, and his nose bumping against your clit as you grind rhythmically. his nails print crescents into your thighs and he keeps you in place, and he thinks he could die happy right here.

your slick is dripping down his chin, and his dick is so, so stiff. it’s uncanny how committed he is to this, almost like it’s a job—a duty—to please you.

it’s only when you pull away to let him breathe (a notion that he already established that he didn’t need to do) is his smile replaced with a slight scowl, and he’s mumbling into your thighs for you to keep going.

“get back up here, ‘m not done.”

like ok you suicidal freak ??

[pistachiofiasco]

fevers, medicines, fights

Pairing: Gilbert von Obsidian x Reader Genre: fluff, comfort Words: 2832 Warnings: n/a

Also on AO3!

i finally finished this lmfao it ended up so much longer than i thought it would don't mind me everyone, i'm just happy that i'm finally working towards living my best life and it apparently starts with incredibly self-indulgent fanfics for my favourite menace to society

You could tell as the carriage slowed that your plan to maintain at least some level of dignity and grace had already fallen to pieces.

A short but pleasant trip back to Rhodolite, but a difficult journey home to Obsidian. The changeable weather and the days long travel time had left your body sore and tired, compounding into a minor fever and a not so minor headache. Recovery would likely take a few days of solid rest. It would be such an unremarkable occurrence, if the man waiting beyond the comforting dark of the carriage was anyone other than Gilbert Von Obsidian.

The soft jolt as the carriage stopped felt like a (metaphorical) nail in a (metaphorical) coffin, which somehow didn't feel so metaphorical the longer you waited to step out. The outcome was a forgone conclusion, you knew, but still. An attempt (to delay the inevitable) couldn't be held against you.

A nervous "my lady?" from outside the door told you you had to move, dizziness and queasiness be damned. Even through the dark wood of the carriage, you could feel the increasing pressure of Gilbert's presence on everyone present. He had probably already figured something was wrong.

Pushing up the latch, letting the door swing open, teeth grit against the unsteadiness as you pushed and pulled the heavy (and, made with all his (excessively jealous) love or not, currently infuriating) layers of your dress to at least let you avoid stumbling out like a drunken fool. Or worse.

One foot at a time. You can do this. Just one foot at a time.

One foot at the edge. The driver, from his position by the door, seemed to sag in relief. You spared a glance in his direction as you pressed forward, down to the carriage step, wanting to convey at least some sort of "thanks" and "sorry" and "I promise I won't let him kill you". It was too bright though; you couldn't make out his face as you squinted in the sunlight under blue Obsidian skies.

Your foot landed heavy on the metal step and you could feel your weight shift uncertainly. The tremor of it shot up through you, sending another quake through the back of your skull. Panic was curbed by grim determination. You were not going to fall on your face in front of Gilbert and all these people. You were, however, definitely going to break your heel and possibly sprain your ankle.

Momentum carried you forward and even through the heavy pulsing in your head, the rolling in your gut, and the flush of gross sticky sweat dripping down the back of your neck, you could swear you heard a collective sharp breath. A harmony of dread and despair – Gilbert truly had picked people who could read the situation very well.

Eyes on your feet, you watched with bated breath as the ground drew closer. Even the slightly glossy polished stones made you squint in a blurry glare, as you waited for the impact, the snap of the boot heel, the twist and pain of your ankle rolling. It would spare you from the sting of scrapes and cuts and humiliation at least.

The heel hit the paved stones hard and you felt the shock of it jar its way up your leg, your body, in your head. The pounding increased and the sun bore down and you could feel your teeth grit against the urge to empty your guts on the steps of the Obsidian palace.

You heard, more than felt, the snap of you boot heel. Black gloved hands, black cape, black hair were all already there before you could lose balance, before your other foot could come down to brace you. Hands holding you steady, cape blocking the gleam off paved stones, black hair as good a place as any to bury your face until the world stopped tipping and sliding in all manner of directions.

"Little rabbit."

There was a warning there, more than a question. What the point of warning you now was, you had no clue. You had already crossed the line into 'clearly not healthy and not okay', there was no point picking a fight about it now. You found you didn't have the energy to say it though, instead sighing heavily against his neck.

The black shifted, hands moving to grip you tighter, head ducking to brush hair closer. "Little rabbit." There was an edge now; you were on very thin ice. You knew what he wanted, tried to pull forth the energy to respond. You had been telling him so often to communicate when he wasn't feeling well; you couldn't be a hypocrite now. You could do this, just a few quick words, just the bare bone basics. Not feeling well, rough trip and the weather was unkind, I'm okay, I'm not lying, I'll be fine after some rest, just help me get to bed.

Later you'd wonder if you got anything other than "bed" out audibly. As it was, even through the banging of drums in your head, you could tell the air had shifted. The blazing sun felt so far away now, Gilbert's temper chilling against your sweat soaked skin. Words were said over your head, sharp and cutting and clear enough that you could see the image of his daunting smile behind closed eyes in the dark kindness of his neck. Arms moving, shifting under you to lift you like a child even with all the layers of fabric weighing you down. Against the sticky skin of your forehead, you could feel the fast beat of his pulse under his jaw.

Go to Rhodolite for visit with entourage. Write multiple letters saying you're okay. Get sick on return journey. Announce arrival by almost collapsing out of the carriage. Well done me.

Breathing deep, you tried steadying yourself in familiar smells. The medicinal tone was still there, undercutting everything, but it had become increasingly overpowered by something warmer, headier, sweeter, (healthier). Always there was a whiff of vanilla on Gilbert now, as if the delicacies he'd raided from your kitchen clung to him as evidence of his (comparatively petty) crimes.

The thought brought a smile to your lips. He'd been using your vanilla syrup. You could smell it on his breath, despite having hidden it away before you left. Bad man.

As he lifted you, you reached up to wrap your arms around his neck. You turned your head to meet his gaze, and finally get a glimpse of his face after almost a month away. You'd missed him too, after all (though he'd never be fully convinced, never fully understand just how much; how often you thought of him, wanting to show him and share with him the things that brought you joy and the things that reminded you of him. He still considered it going back to Rhodolite, after all, not coming home to Obsidian, coming home to him).

That red eye finally entered your line of sight and you felt your chest clench. There was a look there, beyond the anger ("you said you were fine, were you lying to me") and worry ("someone is going to die if this can't be fixed"). There was a panic, wholly unfamiliar to you. To him as well, it seemed. When your mind is clearer, you might be able to follow the thread of his feelings (you were always better at understanding him than himself). And you might consider how long it has been since Gilbert Von Obsidian has loved anyone, and what happened to the people he had loved before. And, most pertinently, where it had happened. But your head was still spinning, such thoughts feeling far beyond you at the moment. But you knew Gil (not The Conqueror Beast, The Worldwide Disaster, The Emperor Gilbert Von Obsidian, but Gil, just your Gil) still needed something from you.

"Gilbert." It was quieter than you intended, breathier too. You weren't aware of how you were breathing before, but the scratchiness of your throat made you realise you might have been panting. Swallowing you tried again, the sound more in focus this time, with more strength behind it. His eye never left you. "Rest with me?"

It was a question, more than a demand. What the point in either was you weren't sure; you (both) knew this man would deny you hardly anything you asked of him.

You were barely moving as he carried you, extra care being taken to not jostle you in the slightest, all the way back to his room.

A gentle kiss pressed against the skin of his neck, the smell of vanilla right under your nose, safe arms wrapped firmly around you. You were asleep before you even made it to the castle doors.

--------------------------------------------------

"You're awake, little rabbit."

Turning your head, you found Gilbert set up on his side of the bed. There was a strange wooden table, L shaped, jutting over from the edge of the bed frame. Reports and paperwork were laid across it and more were stacked on his bedside table, along with an ink pot and pen (vaguely you recalled a comment you had made weeks ago, half asleep, curled into his chest, holding on to him as he made to move to his desk. You had told him to make a table that wouldn't require him to leave the bed and he had laughed ecstatically as he attempted to peal your fingers from his shirt (you both knew he could have easily broken away from you, you both knew that he was exceptionally delighted at your display of clinginess, and you both knew that he would – lovingly – hold it over your head and you would – lovingly – deny any memory of it)).

Looking back at him, you watched as he pushed the table, turning it away from the bed (he had added a rotating hinge to it, of course he had, the show-off). He shifted back to you, leaning over to brush back some of the hair stuck to your face.

He was moving gently, more gently than you'd ever seen him. You smiled at him, calling his name and reaching for him, and watched as he breathed out a deep breath, shoulders relaxing.  The shadows under his eyes were darker than usual. Well, eye. The eyepatch was in place.

"Are you okay?" You reached out to him, hands finding his neck to play with the black strands there. The aching stiffness in your body and the heaviness in your limbs suggested you had been lying here for definitely more than just a day. He looked vaguely unamused at the question; his usual smile had a slight tilt to it that you could tell was fondness, with just a hint of exasperation. Clearly in no rush to answer, he fiddled with the stands of your hair, adjusted your duvet. He didn't seem mad at least and he wasn't throwing out threats of conquering nations so he wasn't sulking either. As he made eye contact with you again, his smile turned somewhat rueful.

"You, little rabbit, are a terrible patient."

"Excuse me?" That hadn't been what you were expecting.

"You sulked every time I asked you to eat something and you refused to take your medicine. You wouldn't listen to me even though I was clearly trying to help you."

Pot meet kettle, anyone?!

You stared at him, trying to parse if this was a joke or jibe, payback for sleeping for too long. He was still brushing your hair back, smile in place. Squinting, you read the lines of his face, his eyes, his lips. He wasn't joking.

Oh, you little...

"Well..." you said, and his one neat eyebrow went up at the sickeningly sweet tone, “now we both know what that's like, don't we?" Your tone was something of a surprise to both of you, with more attitude and more needling than you had intended. Maybe you were slightly offended. Briefly, you wondered if you might have cause to regret this confrontation. He seemed to find it incredibly amusing, lips widening into something more genuine (more childish, like having a spat with his significant other was enough for him to be having the time of his life).

"Are you calling me difficult, little rabbit?" He leaned in further, hovering over you on the bed. He meant to intimidate, certainly, and on another topic you might have backed down. But Gilbert von Obsidian called you a 'difficult patient' and that was not a fight you would run from.

"Well, you're no peach, that's for sure." You tone was dry, nose turned up and, taking a leaf out of his book, you raised one eyebrow back at him.

"That's incredibly hurtful, little rabbit. And after all the effort I went to to help you recover."

You could have caved, softened, and thanked him for clearly watching over you the entire time you were bedridden (there was still a tension, etched in the lines of his neck and shoulders, from worry he wouldn't easily own to – your heart clenched at the idea of what he might have felt sitting and waiting beside you, what memories it might have dragged up). But you were still a bit miffed and his smile was brighter with every word you said, so today you wouldn't give in so easily.

"Oh yes, I'm sure you went through so much looking after little old me."

"Are you mocking my efforts to help you, little rabbit?"

"Are you mocking mine, Your Majesty?"

You stared at each other in silence, eyes narrowed in challenge. Maybe it was the lingering effects of the fever or the still present heaviness across your body and your head. Or maybe you were just having that much fun in this quiet moment with your not-yet-husband(-but-definitely-eventually-going-to-be). There was a quiver on your lips that his eye immediately dropped to and there was no helping the laughter bubbling beneath your next words. "Walter likes me better anyway."

His eye went wide, mouth just slightly open in the Gilbert equivalent of jaw dropped. You had very genuinely surprised him with that one and it was so very rare to see this man speechless. You took in the expression for just a moment, before rolling away, attempting to muffle the snort that you knew you couldn't stop. He would never let you get far though.

As you buried your face in your pillow, you felt the bed shift as Gilbert lunged for you. Deft fingers and evasive hands grasped you, finding that spot on your side that made you shriek with laughter. He was persistent too, half pinning you down as you yelled his name and reached back to try push him away. Tears leaked from your eyes as he pulled you back towards him, turning you in the circle of his arms, still unrelenting, his face a blur of malicious glee. You gripped his fingers, crying for mercy as he finally stopped. You blinked away tears to stare up at him, hovering over you once again, looking exceptionally pleased with himself, with his grin stretched to face splitting proportions.

Reaching up the cup his cheeks gently, you brushed under his eyes, trailing over the new dark circles and creases there. You felt your chest swell once again with how much affection you had for this man, and with the knowledge of just how precious you were to him. You didn't even need to consider everything - just the look on his face was enough. His eye was sparkling, even in his own shadow, and his smile was softer, sweeter; this expression was the most 'truth' that Gilbert could ever offer you. He said nothing, content to watch and rest his face in your palms, enjoying the light pressure of your fingers moving across his face, down his nose, against his lips. He couldn't help take a little nip, quick and sharp enough to hurt surely, but you didn't even flinch.

"...Thank you, Gil, for taking care of me."

Your tone might have been too sincere, too loaded with everything else you wanted to say but didn't have the words for. Perhaps if your feelings weren't so strong, didn't sometimes make it hard to breathe when you so much as thought of him, it might have been easier for the words to leave your mouth. But as it was, you found them, so many thoughts and feelings clambering to get out, stuck in your throat. Gilbert knew you, better than anyone else (though Mr Akatsuki and Rio would strongly disagree). Gilbert recognised everything you wanted to say, all of it culminating in three tiny little words ("I love you I love you I love you") that you pressed against his lips.

He kissed you short and sweet and you kissed him soft and warm. Again and again, until he hummed and pulled back to smile at you again, brilliant and dazzling and radiant.

idk if this makes sense to anyone else but sometimes canon!MC is a little too puppy-coded for me and i need a more cat-coded interactions (but that might just be me who knows)

gilbert taglist: @scummy-writes

[straykids-97]

Just had a thought… 💭

A 400 follower surprise 🖤🫶🏻 thanks for following me. Also, thank you for supporting my account as well.

Rating Ateez/Stray kids on a scale from 1-10 on who would be a dom.

Starting off w Ateez 🫶🏻🖤

Kim Hongjoong

9/10

He would have been a solid 10, but because of his introverted personality and ability to be soft, I give him a 9. But, still, don’t disobey him cuz he’ll keep track… 👀 If I had to say what kind of Dom Hongjoong would be, I would have to say he's a HEAVY pleasure leaning. Though, I also feel like he'd tease and like to make fun of his subs, calling them 'dumb' or things like that. I also feel like because of his creative nature, he'd have very interesting ways to discipline his subs as well.

Park Seonghwa

6.5/10

I feel like he’s Dom leaning but he’s gentle with everyone around him. He was almost a 7, but he’s too soft to be demanding enough. But, he can be stern, so I feel like Hwa can definitely be at least a soft dom, pleasure-leaning. Also, feel like he'd be really kinky. IDK why. Hwa would be so into teasing, just watching his sub be whiny and needy would melt him.

Jeong Yunho

10/10

Solid 10. NEVER TRUST AN EXTROVERT GOLDEN RETRIEVER. Like c’mon PEOPLE. He ain’t got no business being the way he is. And that’s a damn MENACE TO SOCIETY. Like, gaw damn. I'm too down bad for this man. He's not even my ult bias LMFAO. Whew. Let's just say, when he gives you this look, just pray either you're on the way home or that there is somewhere mostly private because it is OVER for you. Also, he's an Aries, enough said.

Kang Yeosang

5/10

He’s waaaay too squishy. I feel if you pushed enough he’d start to bite back, if you catch my drift. Poor baby is so clueless most of the time so I don’t know if he’d be able to keep up with a sub. But, he can easily switch when needed. I feel like he'd be more a soft dom, letting you know who's really in charge when needed. I feel like he'd want to be dominant in whatever relationship he seeks out, just because NEVER trust the quiet ones. They tend to be freaky. That's why Yeo get's a 5.

Choi San

5.5/10

(I feel like this one is going to be controversial lol) I feel like he has the potential to be a Dom, if anything, a pleasure Dom. He’s not someone who’s into brat-taming or anything like that. He spanks you, but only does it playfully, never as a punishment. If he ever were to punish you, it would be the silent treatment, consisting of him being pouty until you apologize. It's not typical of him to be dom leaning, he even insists you acting bratty, it amuses him more than anything. But, GOD FORBID you make him look a fool... Not even Satan can help you.

Song Mingi

5/10

I wish. WISH this man were more Dom, but he’s not 😭. He’s definitely a switch, if he were to Dom, it would be more pleasure than anything. Ugh ;-; I don’t think y’all understand how bad I wanted to rate him higher, but I can’t. Princess Mingi is evidence that he is not fully Dom 💔 though I could totally see him embracing the punishment side for mostly his pleasure, I don't see him being a dom most of the time. I feel like if he were to Dom, it would be mostly to entertain his 'sub'. He would definitely be into dummification, get off on making fun and calling you names.

Jung Wooyoung

6.5/10

Soft Dom Central ‼️ my man Woo can take the bratty out of a brat by using their weapons against them. Though, once he’s fed up, he’d fed up. Best not to make him too mad. I also feel like he’d definitely have unique punishments as well. Not the typical sexual punishments that you might expect, it might be something like, oh, you want to read, should have thought about that before you flirted with that guy at the coffee shop. (You didn't actually, but because his possessive and gets jealous easily, he thought so).

Choi Jongho

10/10

10. Why? Tell me that this man isn’t a Dom, when he gives you one of these. My man EXUDES Dom energy. Like meanie, laugh in your face while you cry, edging, overstimulating, spit in your open mouth, smack your face while fucking you 1000% Hard Dom. Don't trust a quiet man, never. Them introverts sometimes will getcha. And Jongho doesn't seem to fuck around. He's more of a 'fuck around and find out'. I feel like he'd tie up his sub and tease you, an unbothered King, as his sub literally cries. Meanie :(

And NOW for Stray Kids 🫶🏻

Bang 'Christopher' Chan

9.5/10

I don't even want to talk about it. He would be a 10 but he's too squishy and cute to be so. But, he definitely is a 9.5 because gaw damn. Chan is definitely a brat tamer. He likes to watch you acting 'silly' and 'dumb'. He thinks it's adorable when you try to make him mad, cuz damn he's got the patience of a saint. But he wait until Chan gets you alone... He let's his sub do whatever they want in public, even making a fool of themselves. And then when they get home, LAWD TAKE THE WHEEL.

Lee Minho

8/10

Lee Know let me tell you something, *scoots closer* is a meanie. He would laugh in his sub's face while calling them dumb, or something slanderous like 'whore'. Or both. Depends on how mad they make him. Also likes to tease and edge his sub, and laugh at them. :(: You cannot tell me the Lee Minho is not a meanie when he doms. He would laugh at his sub and make them shake and just keep teasing until they're sobbing. But they never say their safe word, so he doesn't stop.

Seo Changbin

7/10

I give Changbin a 7 because I feel like mans is too soft to be more stern. But, rest assured, he'll put his foot down if you get a little too handsy with someone other than him. Probably a soft Dom, tbh. He'll make you feel all gooey while telling you horrendous things... (Go wild w that heh.) I feel like he'd tie up his subs and suspend them just so he can move them around however he pleases.

Hwang Hyunjin

5.5/10

I don't think Hyunjin would dom, if he would, then he'd definitely be a soft dom, and only when his sub asked. HOWEVER. Don't push his buttons because I feel like he's all about orgasm denial... Just because he wants the session to last longer, and he also likes to watch his sub writhe around and loves to hear their moans. He would definitely be so into food play or even paint play (wrote a fic about this). He's just so artsy, and I feel like that would stem into his sexual life as well.

Han Jisung

3/10

Poor Hannie. Tsk. If anything, Han would be a switch, more sub-leaning. He's too soft and doughy to be rough or mean with anyone. That doesn't mean he won't occasionally try just for you though... I feel like he would be more into making his significant other orgasm rather than orgasm himself. A definite giver for sure.

Lee 'Felix' Yongbok

1/10

I can't give him a zero, so I give him a one. The only thing dominant about this man would be his deep voice, which he would use to his advantage. But, if he had a Dom bone in his body, it would be like, his pinkie toe. His skzoo is literally a chick, like, c'mon. Personally, I don't feel like Felix could be mean enough while being a Dom, he'd be constantly worried about his sub, too worried about their well being rather than if they're enjoying themselves.

Kim Seungmin

8.5/10

I feel like Seungmin gets slept on. NEVER trust the quiet ones. They're reserved for a reason. It's because they have secrets. Seungmin has proved he can intimate his older band members, so I'm sure this man could easily do this to anyone, regardless of age. That being said, I feel like Seungmin is too rough to be a soft dom but too nice to be a hard dom. So, he's in the middle somewhere heh. I feel like he has the potential of being a hard/ meanie dom when needed, so it's entirely up to the sub how he'll act for them.

Yang 'I.N.' Jeongin

8/10

Like Seungmin, I.N. get's SLEPT on. He's often not seen as someone who can be a dom because he's seen as the 'baby' of the group. But, as I have said before. NEVER TRUST A QUIET MAN! Quiet men are ALWAYS freaky. They be shy for a reason. This man has a point to prove, he ain't a baby. And I feel like he'd definitely be a hard/pleasure dom. And like Seungmin, his sub chooses how he'll treat them. Be a good sub, and you'll have endless pleasure. Be bad and well, he's got plenty of ways to discipline them.

I hope you all liked this! It's all personal thoughts based on what I have seen of them. THIS IS IN NO WAY how they really are. This is me simply rating them on a scale if they would/ could ever dom.

Anyway, enjoy! Posting a poll for the second part of The Red Saga soon!

©️straykids-97

[tojikai]

it was the way i hoped for toji and then rubbed my hands cackling when my wish came true and then instantly started squealing and kicking my feet for me 🥹😈

i liked seeing gojo’s perspective and while i can see now what the mind process was i still felt like he’s so dense and egotistical. i felt a little bad but it lasted about 2 minutes and then said fuck it we ball not enough to root for him so he can choke 🥰🫶🏽

baby megs putting naohoemi (i know what i said in the first ask about her being nice to yui but i was trying to be positive lmao but i couldn’t do it after reading it a second time) in her place and toji dealing the finishing blow had me smiling like the grinch and me monologuing about giving that man the sloppiest toppiest guack guack 9000 at the house 😤🤣

when n**mi said we can all fix it together i said out loud “i think tf not you trick ass bitch” bc i’m just so tired of her lmao pls exit stage left and stop inserting yourself the martyr complex is irking me

also wanted to mention that toji having money and being a present dad is so heartwarming and i love that despite mamaguro there’s room in his heart for reader (fix you put me through it at the time lmao) and the sims are so cute 🥰 since i’m a woc (black) i already imagined yui to look like the sim except for my skin and hair texture so seeing it had me like kai, your mind ☺️ but also imagining braiding her hair and putting beads in them 🥹😭

me 🤝 kai = same brain

i am highkey rooting for toji bc despite maybe seeing him as ooc may be a thought for others some part of me likes to think that he could have had that in canonverse had things been different which is why the characterization feels right for me. he’s so sweet to reader but also nasty 🤪😂 and the kids get along too so i am heavily invested in that. also when it was mentioned reader wanted three kids she already has yui and if toji is endgame then megumi is added. would she want more kids even if she had one with toji? i also want to see megumi accidentally call reader mom (despite mothergate with “n***mi”) but at the same time have both megs and toji being shocked but liking the new dynamic since reader isn’t taking anyone’s spot or icing out others

now idk if you’re going to do an epilogue for sundered or a different piece set in the au (and honestly i’m just down for the ride either way) but the way you explore the family dynamics and reveal the psychological aspects just tickles my brain so i’d like to see yui’s thoughts and perspective and just her being mommy’s little angel menace to society and delivering the karma to both of them. whether its naomi and satoru and his mom being ripped a third buttcheck bc she’s over it or just her reading them all for filth bc she knows the truth

i think to make it easier for my thoughts on each chapter i will do separate ones with slight commentary that way i don’t spam your ask box lmao (meaning i will redo reviews on each chapter bc i genuinely love talking about the fics with you! you make it fun and also you don’t get annoyed when i’m constantly standing outside your askbox or when i’m cussing out the characters on main lmfao 😂💕

i also think that ill do it for the rest of the series i’ve read from you just bc i know you’re an author im comfortable with talking to and ive been around even before permanent mark despite that being the start of reaching out. i think it’ll be fun for me and maybe to you but honestly maybe its just bc i talk a lot lmao and that we both are down bad astronomically for toji. also off topic bc this was a review and turned into a platonic confession/appreciation post but i saw you are a leo and it made my heart feel full bc my mom is a leo too lmao

- paragraph/theory aka paratheory anon

that statement abt how you feel abt satoru is just the way i feel abt him whenever i write. i just start scolding him like im not the one making him say or do those things, it's funny when i think abt it now LMAO and toji being ooc JDKSLSL that's true😭 but for me, it's bc i headcanon him as being really good w kids and family stuff. his life in jjk's just ...not the right place to show that side of him and it makes me hurt for him so bad bc where is he gonna put that soft side now😭 i enjoy writing him like that, ngl. and yui's pov would be so interesting and cute😭 depending on how it'll end, it'd be fun to see what she thinks and how she acts abt it as she grows !! anwww omg yess im a leo, that made me feel warm, paratheory anon, thanks so much 🥺♥️ your asks are always great reads<33

[mashed-tots]

ok so like. im absolutely Obsessed with Darren atm and want this man carnally so. i made a self insert oc to date him ajheejdjnd

Notes on Carmine:

the manager at Woaba Boba lmfao

horny menace to society

rbf

loud and stupid as shit

does not take shit does not want to deal with it

went to college for an art degree but had to drop out due to mental health issues (suicide attempt)

was placed in the psyche ward for awhile after

wants to go back to college again some day and is currently saving money to do just that

has a semicolon tattoo

hates their original hair color (red)

presents mostly androgynous

is feminine and perfectly okay with that

likes their body as it is/doesnt want any gender affirmation hormones or procedures

mostly wears blacks, grays, and whites

clothing style is usually wearing smaller amounts of clothes (i.e. shorts and tank tops)

doesnt mind other clothes but he prefers less heavy clothes

ADHD, depression, anxiety, autistic

older than both Leilah and Darren but has been mistaken for Leilah and Darren's child MULTIPLE TIMES

5'4 (as of now i've decided Darren is 6'2 and Leilah is 5'8)

has definitely killed someone before

Dynamic between Carmine, Darren, and Leilah:

first things first ig Darren is into purple haired bitches 👀

Carmine is perfectly okay with Darren and Leilah dating

actually theyre all dating eachother ur honor

Carmine and Leilah are qpr tho. so like. theyre not dating. but theyre partners

Leilah is cisfem she/her biromantic asexual and Darren is cismasc he/him bisexual graysexual btw

seeing the three of them together is kind of hilarious bc they all have a completely different aesthetic so its like you have emo whore, greasy grumpy man, and cottage core goddess

Carmine absolutely has tumblr humor and reads fanfiction and anytime he says anything even remotely cursed or questionable it will drive Darren up the wall it is SO funny

once explained the entirety of the abo troupe to Leilah and Darren using a slideshow that lasted two hours and needless to say they (mainly Darren) did not come out of it the same

[devourable]

hey hey hey man!! just wanted to like, idk say a bunch of shit.

for starters, my cat says hi :33 she’s about four years old and blind!! she’s a torti and a menace to society. she dislikes most people and rlly only tolerates me. (she’s more of my mothers cat than mine, but i’m the one who adopted her. she prefers my mother to anyone else.) i just watched her catch a fly so tell her you’re proud of her!!

also !! i would LOVE to know more abt some of ur interests other than writing?? if you feel comfortable sharing that is. (you can totally not answer this or answer it on ur personal if you prefer, i don’t mind. :)) ) i’ll share a bit about me so it’s not too awkward. for starters im playing through breath of the wild rn (a legend of zelda game if u didn’t know.) also i’m really fascinated by marine life!

have a good rest of ur day <33 -hoizer anon

what is it with my anons and having cats that want to see the world burn? idc though i'm still on the cats' sides 🫶

anywho idm talking ab myself at all! i'm glad to know at least some of y'all want to know about the creature behind the fics lmfao. i'll answer just about any questions relating to myself so don't b afraid to go for it. makes me feel grounded yknow

it's probably obviously but i'm also an artist, have been since i was like 10; i'm hoping to be a visual novelist/dating sim creator some day relatively soon (hem hem @philomaniavn) so this account is sort of practice for when i finally take that plunge

irl i like to cook and bake (i work as a baker which is why the hours i'm online are weird), and i'm a goth so i love subculture type stuff too. i almost exclusively wear black, white, and red lmfao. i'm training to be the perfect yandere goth househusband /j

i have a bunch of other interests but i'm not in the position to actively participate in them yet so i won't bother mentioning them </3

[owlbelly]

kuttithevangu

Non Euclidean queerbait

lmfao listen i've been trying to figure out how i would...recommend?? warn someone about??? explain??? this series w/r/t queerness & i just keep coming up with nothing

like, i started reading it because Jey was already enjoying it but also because someone on Twitter called it "the greatest queer love story ever told" - going in with that as an expectation led to me being EXTREMELY UPSET & i would never ever do that to anyone else

but it's also not queerbaiting? what do you call it when an author writes one of the most intensely romantic stories you've ever read & there's on-the-page, open queer yearning & devotion (with the subtextual return of those feelings heavily supported by all kinds of evidence) BUT the author has some kind of wild heterosexual complex where she literally refers to their relationship in text as "true love" and then manages to STILL no-homo it on the main character's end, mostly because she doesn't seem to know bisexuality exists???

there's no way to accurately convey the experience of reading the Tawny Man trilogy, no one will believe the actual things that happen in those books vs. her "intent" for Fitz to be 100% straight, you just have to see it with your own eyes. RotE is the most fanfiction-ass soulmate shit i've ever encountered & Robin Hobb is a fucking menace to society

[tetrisdotcom]

as someone who is the child of an ex-daycare employee yes that is how crazy the job makes you so this is normal

[lovesatoru]

“I’M BABY!”

featuring: satoru gojo

content: fluff, gender neutral reader

a/n: i saw this post awhile back and immediately thot of gojo, my favorite menace to society. it’s been sitting in the drafts so it’s unedited and i honestly just wanted to post LMFAO! i was gonna write the scenario for everyone else buttttt i have wayyy too many wips right now hehe. maybe in the future if u guys want! <33

Satoru Gojo is the worst kind of morning person.

Just like every morning, you're woken up by the sorcerer pulling open the curtains in order to let the sunlight fill your entire bedroom... at eight o'clock in the morning... when you both had the day off from work.

"Rise and shine! What a beautiful day," he exclaims as he tears his gaze from the window to you, only to be met with your sleepy glare. Satoru grins at the sight of you still tangled up in the blankets and pillow of your shared bed.

If it were anyone else waking you up on your day off at this hour, you would have been quick to start throwing insults and throw the closest pillow directly at his head for ruining your precious sleep. However, you can't deny that you live for that stupid smile of his as he walks over to the bed. You rise up from your laying position to admire the man before you. His white locks are a wild mess, ruffled every which way and his eyes still hold that sleepy look in them despite his seemingly alert demeanor. You shamelessly check him out as he must've ditched the t-shirt he had worn to bed in the middle of the night. The grey sweatpants hang low on his hips, his v-line prominently on display for you. No picture or painting could ever truly encapsulate the beauty before you, as his existence is entirely a piece of art in itself.

Satoru finally sits on the edge of the bed next to you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "G'morning," he grabs your hand, pressing a gentle kiss to it in an attempt to wake you up a little more. "(Y/N), don't you wanna get up?" he says in a soft tone of voices trying to coax you out of bed.

"No," you answer truthfully as turn your head to look at him, "Not everyone enjoys waking up at the asscrack of dawn like you."

He rolls his eyes at your comment, "Don't be like that, I love spending my mornings with you." He grabs your shoulder to shake you just a little before whining against you. "Why don't you wanna get up?"

You practically throw yourself back onto your side, still facing him as you lie against the pillow. You tug the blanket back up to your chin, but Satoru crawls underneath it as well, to wrap you up into his big, strong arms.

"Because," you nuzzle into his chest, "I'm baby."

You feel one of his soft, tender hands force you to look up at him. His blue eyes stare into yours as they light up with what you can only believe is adoration. He drops the cocky smile and a genuine, sweet one makes its way across his handsome face as he nods in agreement.

"Fine," he chuckles at your statement, "That's a valid reason I guess."

You scoot even closer into him, lying your head against his muscular frame and he lays his on top of yours with a content sigh.

“Damn right it is.” you retort back while nuzzling into his chest.

“If my baby wants to sleep in, then who am I to deny that?” You smile at his words, but it leaves just as fast it appeared, turning into a pissed off frown.

“Satoru Gojo get your fucking cold ass feet off of me!” You should’ve known his sweetness was too good to have been true, he had given up way too fast to have been genuine.

“(Y/nnnnn), how else are they supposed to get warm?”

[kaincuro]

domestic garou after stealing the last thanksgiving turkey out from under someone’s fingers, hogging the best parking spot to pick up badd, calling repeatedly during hero meetings just to ask where badd keeps random kitchen ingredients, absolutely yeeting any hero’s packages during his delivery job, blatantly insulting gossiping about any heroes with moms in the pickup line at zenko’s school: man, what’d I ever do to you people? :/

LMFAO YEAH.

Garou being a menace to society: what happened to forgiveness and love :/

I feel like Badd would constantly get people going up to him telling him to get Garou to stop and his response is always like. “what do you want me to do abt it” lmao. There is not a single force out there that can make that dude do something he doesn’t want to.

[orieriee]

GUYS LMFAO I THINK I HAVE A TYPE FOR INTJs and ISTJs WHAT THE ACTUAL FR-

why do I say that I have a certain type? Here are the proofs:

Here's my childhood crush: (I do not simp for him anymore, he's a literal child 👁️👄👁️)

This is a pretty boy that I like:

Another pretty boy that I like:

And these three are in my simp list:

These are the random categories:

I mean who doesn't simp for these men?

Except for this man. This man is a menace to the society. But I sort of have a crush on him.

In conclusion... Most my anime crushes are either intj or istj hahaha

[seoafin]

an AU where toji was a teacher at jujutsu high alongside satoru, suguru and rip!mc :D

nanami tries not to be too involved w toji, i mean,,, the man is a literal menace to society along side gojo. so i completely understand 😭 (ps toji calls nanami "kenny" as a nickname and he HATES it)

suguru and toji get along a little bit better in my eyes. i can see it. two tall, sexy, dark-haired men w big titties. i just know these two would occasionally be besties.

satoru and toji. do i even need to explain?? 😭

rip!mc and toji would be chilled. he teases her alot and you can see the smoke coming out of satoru's ears and nose LMAOO he is lowkey feeling some type of way cuz he hates seeing other guys tease her like he does. not to mention toji would be a little less annoying than gojo so rip!mc isn't objecting tooooo hard 😳

shoko and toji would be so cool ngl 😭 u see, i believe shoko has authority over everyone (she's just superior like that). all she has to do is pull out that scalpel that she carries around in her pocket at all times and everyone just stops what they're doing. toji finds that pretty cool lol

utahime and toji hate each other omg. but she roots for toji secretly when him and gojo get into a fight 😭

mei mei and toji would be besties, change my mind 😭😭😭 they both love money AND are sexy ?? no ways. too chaotic. i can see them just popping up at a fancy party, stealing most of the food then leaving 😭 they also bet all the time lmao. u best believe that they've made bets on when if rip!mc and gojo are gonna have their first kid or something. mwah, love em <3

anyways sorry for spamming??? idk if that's the right word 😭

TOJI TEACHER AU!!!!

nanami is so tired 😭 first gojo and now toji??? not to mention being called “kenny”??? he’s done.

toji calls him kenny and nanami doesn’t even respond (he’s learned to tune out gojo too)

geto is a diligent student and does martial arts as a hobby so the two of them get along and spar for fun 😭 if jujutsu high had more girls there would be a huge crowd during their practice matches....especially during the summer when they sometimes take their shirts off.

gojo and toji definitely butt heads. I can see gojo trying to rile him up but toji only smirks and tells gojo that he'll never get rip!mc acting like a brat. toji was still a gigolo in this au but that was before he took up the teaching post so he definitely knows a thing or two about getting girls, and never fails to laugh at gojo’s awful attempts to woo rip!mc. but when the two of them come together every once in a blue moon?? yaga will regret the day he ever asked toji to teach. there's begrudging respect on gojo's end but he'll never tell toji.

rip!mc has bad taste in men so I can see her lowkey crushing on toji LMFAO (not a huge crush just some doki doki stuff here and there but that’s more than she’s ever felt for gojo so—) toji thinks she’s a cute kid, and loves seeing gojo suffer so it’s a win for him. teases her a little more on purpose when gojo’s watching and he’s just 😐 

shoko and toji are chilling. they respect each other. plus whenever toji wants the latest gossip on rip!mc, gojo and geto, she’s the one to go to.

utahime may dislike toji’s occasional impropriety, but would still choose anyone over gojo

MEI MEI AND TOJI TAKING BETS. they would bet on anything and everything. they only enable one another. mei mei is usually cautious with her money, but toji just brings out that instinct in her. their bets usually center around gojo geto and rip!mc. toji places his bets on geto LOL

the first day toji arrived to school one day to teach, all he needed was one glance at rip!mc, geto, and gojo together to know what was up. then he saw rip!mc and shoko and told stsg to give up.

EDIT: ACTUALLY MEI MEI BETS ON GETO AND TOJI BETS ON SHOKO 😭😭😭

[quercus-queer]

LMFAO JUDY HOPPS IS JFK AND HER ADOPTIVE KIDS AND HOT FOX WIFE WATCH HER HEAD EXPLODE IM SOBBING THIS MAN IS A MENACE TO SOCIETY

[ballplayersxo]

Jaylen is the king of post and delete lately 🤔 That’s high on the “How Can I Tell If Im A Menace To Society” checklist.

I feel like he posted these friends before, what’s different now? 👀

——

wait who are they? lmfao idk what’s even going on with this man anymore 😭