#This was meant to be like a paragraph of rambling wtf happened

[nightcolorz]

Unhinged Sybelle and Benji tangent (cw references to abuse csa trauma etc)

yeah so Marius’s turning of Benji and Sybelle isn’t about whether or not that was the right decision to make and isn’t made better by their contentment living as vampires in late canon. Benji and Sybelle’s relatively happy lives as vampires are irrelevant to me. The cruelty of how he did it is made worse by the hypocritical nature of turning a kid into a vampire after so firmly insisting that turning children is morally abhorrent and smth he should’ve never done, yeah, but that’s only a small part of it.

It was so awful and upsetting to me bcus of the deliberate stripping of Armand’s agency. See, we have a whole book where Armand tells the story of how throughout his entire life and childhood he was forced into the role of submissiveness and/or dependency. whether that be his childhood religious devotion that would eventually lead to his being buried alive for God or being sold into sexual slavery or Marius’s mentorship of him that ultimately intended to teach him to stay loyal and dependent on Marius’s authority to Marius’s relationship with him sexual and otherwise to the cult indoctrination, up until Lestat comes along and tilts his own view of submission and devotion as his only way to survive and function in the world onto its head.

He gives him a theater and then he gives him Louis. Armand floats around, tries to find purpose without devotion through using Louis and Daniel as tools to understanding the modern age. The modern age to Armand is possibility and independence, things he’s never had so much access to and doesn’t know exactly how to apply to himself until the devils minion chapter when he’s like ah ok I get it, life without devotion is something I’ve always been familiar with—it’s what Marius taught me! I Am The Master now with my excessive indulgence and my Boy and my sea side paradise.

But Armand is a Void™️ with no concept of self besides a collection of concepts and experiences and people he’s been exposed to throughout his existence, so rlly he’s kind of a fraud. Internally he’s still a saint who yearns for a God to follow, he’s no Marius, and this all comes to a head in Memnoch the devil when he throws himself into the sun for Jesus etc. and so TVA Armand is mixed the fuck up, he’s lost everything he’s been building for himself, he’s like an open wound, like red and gold sand art shaken around until it’s sludges of brown.

Armand believes himself to have no coherent narrative of a life, no coherent and consistent sense of self, just a collection of unrelated sequences that he draws from to occasionally preform personhood, and at the beginning of TVA he is very much just that. No thoughts only colors and pain. But he’s trying to rebuild himself as best he can, he has these young humans who he’s caring for, and through caring Armand finds meaning.

These humans are very much reflections of himself, or who he used to be, and seeing a personhood reflected back at him through these two gives him insight into his own value as an individual, as someone who is inherently worthy of having a life. So with Benji and Sybelle he tries to rebuild his own sense of personhood by giving them what he would want in there place. The conclusion he reaches at the end of his story to David is that after everything ultimately he is learning and rebuilding, gaining fulfillment and individuality he’s never had before through his empathy and care for these two people in his life. Benji and Sybelle are representative of Armand’s healing process!!! They mirror him bcus they are him!! He’s literally nurturing his inner child!! And with that there comes self care and self love etc etc. but then the book doesn’t end!!

Then after all that trauma and all that healing everything that Armand was tenderly attempting to build for his new life is stripped away ! When Marius turns Benji and Sybelle it doesn’t matttttter that they like being vampires. What matters is that when Armand finally gained agency and individuality Marius decided to take that from him! Marius decided that he actually knew better then Armand, and if Armand would just allow him to do what’s best for him then everything would be so much better and so much easier. And when Armand starts sobbing and screaming and fighting him that’s just justification to Marius that Armand isn’t capable of independence or self sufficiency, that he’s a child throwing a tantrum who can’t make his own decisions, that he should just be dependent on Marius like he used to be and trust that other people know what’s best for him.

That’s why it’s so tragic! That’s why it’s so frustrating and so sad. Armand was on the road to healing but then Marius stormed in like the symbolic representation of his past telling him that no matter what he does or the progress he makes he’s still Armand in the catacombs, Amadeo on the red sheets, Andrei waiting to be buried alive. So I don’t really give af if ultimately Benji and Sybelle are fine! It’s great that despite being a child vampire Benji is able to function independently and contently as an adult with minimal body dysmorphia and existential dread, but you know who’s not able to do that? Armand 😭😭

[ghostly-cabbage]

you guys got another one to read/reread alex rider bc of ttb.

i binged the show and am on the third book. the thing is i distinctly remember the end of scorpia and beginning of ark angel (alex getting shot nearly through the heart and then trying to escape something? while in recovery) but that is the only thing i remember after the first book. but it has been something like over 10 years since i read these. speaking of: i did not know there were so many books now?! and apparently anthony is still writing new ones?! though really hoping the 2000’s mmm 😐 moments will fade as the books go on… especially the fatphobia around smithers, and the low key racist stereotypes and side comments. i was questioning myself if i was just looking too far into it thinking that mrs stellenbosch was a transphobic character until the line “she looked like a man in drag” and went yep. fuck she is. now i don’t think any of this was malicious or even on purpose but rereading books you enjoyed as a kid now as an adult really reminds you how it was in the 2000s.

but the show is good and doesn’t have those problems. however, did anyone else notice it’s all the women in special operations that are concerned about alex? obviously mrs jones but i do like her character in the show. but also it was the women in wolf’s crew that spoke up about torturing alex. the other man didn’t say anything. but overall i am appreciating more diversity.

i have so much more to say about the show and the books but i should stop rambling. anyway, ttb is sooooo good and i am eagerly awaiting the next chapter and all those to come. alex rider and danny phantom is such a niche crossover but it works! and the scp stuff? absolutely perfect. you don’t happen to have links to any other scp x dp stuff do you? art or fics.

ps. idk wtf tumblr’s spacing is doing. i’m hoping it evens out when i send this ask and you don’t have to see the large, awkward, uneven gaps between paragraphs

Heheheheh welcome back to the Alex Rider brain worms!! I myself never read the books as a kid and it was totally Fin's doing pspsps'ing kkachi and I into AR (More specifically into an AR fanfic series called of Madness and Mammals, which I read all of without any canon knowledge and it was fantastic dfghjkl After that I started reading the books and then we watched the show!)

As for the 2000's moments..... yeah unfortunately there are some stuff in the early books that aren't great. Though Fin does tell me that the later books do in fact get better about that sorta thing. (i'm still not completely caught up) Some character details just feel so mean spirited and ignorant. I think it's something that was more run of the mill back then but also a symptom of a greater problem as a whole in the "spy fiction" genre. (From what I hear a lot of the Bond books and earlier movies are just so racist and sexist etc, and I think AR was meant to be a "Bond but for tween boys")

As far as the show goes, I think it does a really great job in fixing a lot of the issues the books had, both with plot, tone, and yes the diversity! I think what you pointed out about the women in the Department being sympathetic to Alex is really interesting and I hadn't realized that until you pointed it out! I think that, while Jones and Snake are more vocally sympathetic, I do think the people in the department all care about Alex in... different ways. Wolf's aside with Jones after the K-unit interrogation in Ep two I think proves that he was just as uncomfortable as Snake. I think that her speaking out and reaffirming his own feelings was just the push he needed so say "fuck our orders". There's also the fact that, even if people in the department seem concerned, just like in the books, they still never do anything to actually stop what's happening. They care, but they more or less remain complicit. Never pushing the envelope enough to endanger their own positions even if they know how wrong using a child is. Simple answer for this being that if they did there wouldn't be a show/book series so like asdfghjkl but it's fun to Think about! 👀  I'm so glad that you're enjoying TTB! It's been such a labour of love from the three of us! When we watched the AR show finally we were honestly so shocked. AT that point we'd already started panning TTB and so we were thrilled that the show was tonally so close to what were aiming for. The AR straight up dips into horror at times and its sense of atmosphere is so top notch. When we were approaching this crossover it really was the fact that Canon AR and SCP mesh well together that makes it work so well. It's very much the glue for this crossover! That and we started off characterizing TTB!Danny using a lot of my hcs for SWWDF!Danny and so pushing that even further in the horror/SCP direction was easier than trying to use a base-canon Danny. I think that trying to crossover Canon AR with Canon DP without it just being a fun crackfic would be pretty difficult. bc lets be honest they both can be so cheesy and ridiculous (affectionate) As for knowing of more dp x scp stuff, sadly I do not : (( I know awhile back there was people making a bunch of dp x scp memes, but those don't really have much plot per se. However, maybe if anyone does know they can slap them in the replies of this or I can make a new post to put out some feelers!

[sevensided]

how did you get into writing fic? i'd love to start but idk even where to begin! I loved adats so I was wondering do you have any advice?

Oh my goodness! I am so flattered you’ve asked me this. Yes, I can absolutely help. I’ll throw a bunch of rambling under the cut.

I started writing fic probably when I was... sixteen years old? A lot of my early works were oneshots. I couldn’t figure out how to do anything plot heavy for the life of me, so I just stuck to AUs or whatever I felt like. I wasn’t in any particular fandom -- I really wrote whatever I had ideas for. I remember I tried once to do a plot-heavy story and I received a review absolutely ripping it to shreds. Like, it was so cruel I cried lol. I ended up deleting the fic. Years later, I get what they were trying to say (basically, more substance, less style), but at the time it cut to the quick. Really, it was only when I was in my twenties that I started writing work that was longer and/or better.

The fandom that helped me actually write plot heavy work was a historical-based fandom. As I’m a historian, it was perfect. I got to use my research skills and knowledge to create works that, above all, aimed to feel authentic. I mainly read historical fiction, so I was familiar with how that genre worked. Miraculously, people loved my work. I think I wrote about ~200k in the period of a year? These were several short stories (20-40k) and a few oneshot filler fics. While I was part of this fandom I also helped organise a Big Bang which was a lot of hard work but was extremely rewarding. Along with that, I interacted mainly with other fic writers, so I spent a lot of time chatting to people about ideas and encouraging other writers, and it just created a lovely medley where no concept was impossible or any line of dialogue too difficult. We supported each other and it was truly like a little commune. I gradually stepped away from the fandom mainly because it was just a part of my life at a very specific time, and almost as soon as that time was over, my love for that story/ship faded, but I firmly believe I figured out a lot of how/what I do now purely through that experience.

Regarding ADATS

With ADATS, it stemmed entirely from wanting to “explain” three months in canon (at the end of season three). I was interested in the idea of season four setting up Will/Mike in canon, and I wanted to test the source material to see if I could draw from what already existed to create something authentic. I began with that simple idea: what happened from July to October in 1985? Then I thought about the major themes I wanted to hit -- family, friendship, coming of age, sexuality -- and I nested them around the bigger concept: how do I get Mike from being ostensibly straight to realising he is gay? That meant thinking of two steps: Mike discovering his attraction to guys; Mike discovering his attraction to Will. Those two concepts were separate “arcs” that needed addressing in different ways. Balance was key to weaving them together and making the reader feel like they knew what was coming (and that they felt smart for putting the pieces together) without just rushing through and going “now kiss!” That’s partly why ADATS needs a sequel, lol: because it’s not finished!

Writing process

The first thing I do when I start to get an idea is I write it down. Sounds obvious. But when you have a killer line of dialogue come to you in the shower and you think “I’ll remember that” -- reader, you will not remember it. You gotta get it down ASAP! I do that the whole way through, as generally I’ll be thinking of scenes I’m stuck on and then it’ll just come to me and I’ll quickly jot it down.

The next thing -- or what I do in the meantime -- is start structuring. I plan. I try to plan a lot. Sometimes it’s okay to write “and something happens here to get them here”, because you’ll figure it out later, but for the most part I’ve discovered that planning is like gold and you can’t get enough of it. I break my work up into generally 3-4 parts/sections, and I treat each section like a mini story. So each part needs a conflict and resolution, and it needs to flow into the next section. You need to have a feeling of things evolving and maturing. Once I’ve planned those little bits, I start thinking about the bigger plot arc and how I can drop in hints along the way. I’m probably not a subtle or skilled enough writer to yet pull off that sort of gasping twist you get in really excellent books, but I’m trying to get there. It’s hard, is what I’m trying to say, but that’s okay, because we’re all learning.

Then I generally do aesthetic stuff. Sounds stupid, probably. But nothing helps me get more into a mood than doing a Pinterest board or -- most of all -- making a Spotify mix. I start thinking about the vibe and the general atmosphere, and then I almost exclusively listen to that mix when I’m working. Sort of like muscle memory? Just to get the creative juices associated with that particular selection of songs.

Another thing I’ll do along with plot structure is character structure. This is a biggie. I mean, a story is nothing without characters. So I’ll just jot down a bunch of bullet points of characters and particular aspects that I want to highlight or remember. I hate continuity errors in fiction. Like, if someone says they work on Maple Street but later in the fic they’re working on Pine Street. I hate that. So I keep note of specific things that my main character might notice at repeated points in the story (colours, places, smells, names, sounds -- so they’re all consistent even as the narrative evolves). That’s another thing -- your characters’ motivations. Not everyone is going to be a huge player, but they all do serve a purpose. The most important character is obviously your main character. I personally think it’s important to let your M.C. be an arse at times. They’re going to be mean, they’re going to misinterpret things or fly off the handle... just let ‘em. Let them be wretched humans, and then bring them back and make them realise what they’ve done. Let them learn! I love consequences in fiction, lol.

At the same time, I’ll probably start writing. We’ve already written down some snippets of neat dialogue or descriptions, but now we should start the actual process. For me, I used to start at the beginning. Usually this was the most fleshed out anyway: I’ll have a clear idea of the beginning and the end, but nothing in the middle. These days, if I have a scene in mind that I can’t forget, I’ll just write it. It will possibly get scrapped or rewritten, but that’s okay, because at least you’ve got it down and now you can devote your brain power to something useful (like figuring out what the middle is supposed to be). I’ll have half a dozen of totally out of context scenes just littered in my Word document that I’ll add to as I go along. Eventually, though, you’re going to start writing properly, and that’s when you write your opening scene.

Opening scenes: super important. Every time I write a scene I think: what is the point of this? What do I want the reader to learn or takeaway? Sometimes you do have filler scenes, but they also serve a different purpose (perhaps to establish a group dynamic or to explore/describe a character’s surroundings). Mainly, though, every scene should push something forward in some way, whether it’s character development or a plot point. So, with an opening scene, I always think you have to establish: where you are; who you are; what they are doing; where they’ve come from (in a philosophical and practical sense); and where they’re going (ditto). That doesn’t have to happen in the first paragraph -- that would be silly. But if you sprinkle that information in over time it’ll gradually build up a picture of your character and that way the reader can get an idea of who they are. You basically need to give a snapshot of what your story is about. This also goes back to the character creator stuff: where they are at the start should be different to where they end up. How that happens is, of course, because of plot, and because you’ve structured everything to the nth degree, we’ve got a very clear progression of that character’s growth (/s easier said than done lol).

General advice

Write down everything: every idea, a bit of dialogue, a description, whatever. Write it down. Doesn’t have to be neat. Just has to be on paper. You can’t remember everything, so if you’re spending time trying to hold those things in your head, it’s taking up space for new ideas to come along.

Structure, plan, structure, plan. Sometimes it’s boring and I hate it. Other times, when I’ve not written in a few days and I open the Word doc and think wtf is this supposed to be, I am very grateful for Past Me for leaving such detailed notes. Seriously, it helps so much. Oneshots don’t really need planning, in my experience. You just get those out there. But multi-chaptered stories really do, even ones that “just” focus on a relationship.

Whatever you want to write, commit to it. Space goblins invade Hawkins? Do it. Eleven and Max find themselves in a cult akin to Midsommar (2019) and must escape? Yes. Just... whatever you want to do, remember that you’re writing it for you. Write what most interests you, what makes you when you reread it go AHHHHH I LOVE THIS!! Because that makes it a thousand times easier to actually get on with the writing when you enjoy what you’re doing.

Write a lot. Every day, if you can, or at least at designated times. Occasionally I have a very specific headspace/vibe I have to be in, but sometimes it just hits me and I’ll say to my partner “I need to write now” and just disappear, lol. The more you write the more you write. It’s so, so, so true. Cannot emphasise this enough. When I wrote that ~200k in twelve months? It was because I literally wrote every. day. Or near enough. Remember that some days you’ll write 200 words, and other days you’ll write 20k (this happened to me with ADATS -- part of the reason I finished it so quickly was because I had sprints of writing 10k+ at a time that only happened because I was in the rhythm of it). Write, write, write. Who cares if it’s crap! No one will see it until you are ready. In the meantime, just write!

Probably last of all (although I could go on and on) is connect with other writers. If you’re struggling to start, sometimes just talking about it can help a huge amount. I hope it goes without saying that you can message me whenever you want, anon or not, and I will talk to you. We can talk about ideas or I can beta stuff, whatever you want! Find like-minded people and talk to them about what you want to do. Another thing this helps is in advertising your work when you do publish. I see a lot of first time fic writers get super down because they publish their magnum opus on AO3 but no one comments. Honestly, it’s because no one knows you’ve published! You don’t have to be tooting your own horn every which way, but just actively talking about your work and even collaborating with other content creators with get you hyped and other people too (and the input and encouragement other fandom members give is just... out of this world. Anon messages helped me finish ADATS when I was really worried I wouldn’t [that’s the truth]. Seriously, support is everything). When you have people excited about your work, you get excited. It’s really as simple as that.

I could go on but this is already horrendously long. I hope even a bit of this helps! If you want to chat or have any more questions, just hit me up any time.

[into-control]

Into i need help. I bought a oculus quest 2 right and i tried to connect it to my laptop and it wont work so I realized i needed and actual pc gaming setup you know, problem is idk anything about PCs and i dont wanna get scammed. Can you help me? Ive looked online and idk wtf im looking at tbh. Can you give like advice and shit lol 😂 love you into 💕

well i'm not a professional at pcs by any means but i've always had a huge fixation on them so i can try to help as much as possible and i'll even try to put it in simple terms. fair warning, i talk A LOT in this post because i love rambling about computers :') i tried to use the simplest terms possible since you seem confused but if something doesn't make sense just ask and i can try to reword.

it all depends on what you want out of your pc. and do you want to build one or get a prebuilt one? if you want my advice i recommend building one. getting a prebuilt pc is the easiest way to get scammed because retailers tend to overcharge and they think they can get away with it because they stuck a flashy high end graphics card and colourful lights in it even though it has shit airflow and they cheaped out on the motherboard and power supply or something like that. if you're going to get a prebuilt pc make sure you look at allll the specs and consult some online reviews to see if they're any good, and figure out if you're going to be overcharged. now i'll talk about building one. a lot of this will still be useful if you're considering buying a prebuilt though.

the very first step is deciding your budget. idk where you are but in USD the typical amount to spend on pc parts is i think like $1000 - 1500 (you can spend less but that's if you don't have a lot of money to spend and are still desperate to have a gaming pc). i'm spending around $1700 CAD (before taxes, eugh) on mine bc i want to get into more demanding games eventually. it sounds very costly but computers like these can last you a decade and are very multifaceted. figuring out your budget first instead of going right ahead and buying stuff is important because each component should take up specific percentages of your budget. another important thing to consider when deciding your budget is if you want RGB (the colourful lights as previously mentioned), because components with that capability are slightly more expensive.

after deciding your budget, your first move is deciding what graphics card (GPU) you want. the GPU is responsible for processing and presenting the visuals on your screen. theoretically it should take up between 35 - 40% of your budget because it is the powerhouse in a gaming system. you have two developers to choose from here: NVIDIA or AMD. from what i've seen people tend to prefer NVIDIA but AMD cards aren't bad and they definitely compete in performance. i'll talk about nvidia though because that's what i know more about. by searching up the oculus quest 2 system requirements it tells me you at least need an nvidia geforce gtx 970. this card came out in 2014 and is by no means bad however it is actually the same base price as a lot of newer cards. if you want to go better than the minimum requirements, first consider what your monitor is capable of. if you don't have one yet, consider what you want it to do. monitors are not considered a part of the budget i keep mentioning by the way. idk how much this matters to you since we're talking about the oculus quest 2 but i'm just kind of assuming you're going to use this pc for other games too. the main two things to take into consideration are max resolution and refresh rate. my monitor has a resolution of 1920 x 1080 and a 144hz refresh rate. what the resolution means is that there are 2,073,600 pixels in the screen, and can go up to a resolution of 1080p in video games. the refresh rate means the monitor can refresh the picture on the screen 144 times a second, therefore can show a max of 144 frames per second in a video game. to put that in to perspective, most screens have a refresh rate of 60hz, such as regular laptop screens, iphone screens, etc.. monitors come in mainly 60hz, 75hz, 144hz, and 165hz, and for resolution they mainly come in 1080p, 1440p, and 4k. seeing as i don't have any plans on upgrading my monitor any time soon, dropping extra money on a GPU that can achieve more than 144fps and 1440p/4k would be pointless. but forget about the monitor, the oculus quest 2 has a max refresh rate of 120hz and its resolution lies somewhere between 1080p and 1440p. if you know what kind of games you're going to be playing, look up how they perform with different kinds of cards. i'm fairly certain anything above an nvidia geforce rtx 3070 would be pointless because of your display limits, and anything below the nvidia geforce gtx 970 simply won't be enough for the system. you can look at all the GPUs ranked here. after deciding which GPU you want you need to figure out which brand of it you want (NVIDIA themselves, asus, gigabyte, evga, etc), because they all perform at slightly different levels, although the difference is usually only a few frames so it's better to save money. something to watch out for is the quality of the fans in the GPU because if they aren't good, it will overheat and underperform. i'm aiming to get a 3060 or 3060 ti, if that helps. the only problem is that there is currently a worldwide GPU shortage due to covid, tariffs, and the cryptocurrency mining boom (gpus are used in bulk to mine). fortunately there is currently a crypto mining crackdown happening in china, where majority of mining in the world happens, so the demand for GPUs will hopefully start going down soon. you wont be able to build your pc right away but the market is looking better than it has in awhile. this is just about the only argument i have in favor of getting a prebuilt pc, because they have GPUs in them and are more readily available. i don't think that's a good enough reason though especially since part of the reason i'm building my pc is because it looks fun lol. another thing to note is that you should not overspend on your GPU. the shortage has caused a lot of GPU prices to skyrocket into the $2k-3k range but none of them should be above 1k except the highest end ones. when deciding on a GPU, search up the manufacturer's suggested retail price (MSRP). cards made by brands other than AMD and NVIDIA will almost always cost a little extra, but do not pay hundreds of

extra dollars. but anyways!! the GPU is now out of the way and is definitely the longest paragraph here because it's the most important part.

next up is the central processing unit (CPU), which you should be spending about 20 - 25% of your budget on. its job is essentially to retrieve instructions from the RAM and execute it. i suppose you could call it the brain. again you have two developers to choose from, this time between intel and AMD. i've had two laptops with an intel CPU and my current one has an AMD CPU and both are very good, however the general consensus is that you can get the same performance for less by going with AMD. CPUs have cores, and each core can run its own process. the more cores you have, the more your pc can think about basically. you can get CPUs will all sorts of amounts of cores but for gaming, 4 or 6 cores is all you really need. 8 is actually already a bit overkill. so you really don't need to get the best CPU out there. the one you get should depend on what GPU you get (hence choosing that component first). you don't want to bottleneck your GPU by getting a CPU that isn't good enough for it, but bottlenecking your CPU with the GPU by a small amount isn't as big of a deal because the goal is to allow your GPU to be used to its full ability. another detail about CPU is clock speed, which determines how quick it can complete tasks. the higher the faster, obviously. my (non gaming) laptop's CPU clock speed is 2.30 GHz and has 4 cores. the cpu i have for my build is the AMD ryzen 5 5600x. it has a base clock speed of 3.7 GHz but it can be maxed out to 4.6 GHz, and it has 6 cores. the oculus quest 2 has a minimum requirement of the AMD ryzen 5 1500x or the intel i5-4590, which is a little low on the performance list. but like i said the CPU should depend on the GPU. all it takes is a google search for which CPU goes best with the GPU you've chosen and you can find several answers depending on if you want the best possible performance, best budget performance, etc.. a nice little fact about choosing AMD over intel is that most AMD CPUs will come with a stock cooler, which is absolutely necessary otherwise your CPU will overheat (this is another thing prebuilts will cheap out on). this only adds to the whole price-to-performance thing. the stock cooler will most likely do unless you push your pc or want the build to look prettier.

next on the list is a motherboard, where all the parts come together in unity. you should spend 8 - 10% of your budget on this baby. it's easy to over and underspend on a mobo. the most important thing when it comes to choosing a mobo is that it supports your CPU. you cannot use the same mobo for intel and AMD CPUs. fortunately the product page will straight up tell you which CPU brand the mobo is meant for and will typically have two versions of the same board. it's important to note that motherboards don't always have onboard wifi, meaning it wont be able to connect to the internet via wifi and instead needs an ethernet cable or an external wifi adapter. if you can't get an ethernet cable to the room where you want your pc, you're going to need onboard wifi, or a wifi card/usb. onboard wifi mobos tend to be more expensive so it's up to you, but i personally bought one with wifi included so i wouldn't have to worry about it because our ethernet cables are in the basement and i'm upstairs. another very important thing about motherboards is that their BIOS version (operating system i guess?? idk how else to describe it) doesn't always support your CPU out of the box and must be updated before using it. this can present as a problem if you don't have another CPU to perform the update with, however some motherboards allow you to 'flash' the BIOS with a only usb drive as long as it's hooked up to power. there are plenty of step by step youtube videos about how to do this. i will have to do this with my motherboard when the time comes because it doesn't support ryzen 5s out of the box. don't let this deter you from getting a certain board as long as it has a BIOS flash feature. next up is what I/O ports you want, which are the ports (usb ports, headphone/mic jack, hdmi port, etc) you'd find on the back of any desktop computer. that is the side of the motherboard. basically just be aware of how many of each ports you want, and remember that there will probably be even more ports on the front of the case you get. the last thing i can think of right now is making sure your motherboard has all the headers (where you plug components in) you want it to have but i'll get to that later.

next up on the list is RAM, aka random access memory. this stores short term data. the amount of RAM you have kind of determines how much your pc can multitask. RAM sticks typically go up by some multiple of 2GB. most standard laptops and desktops nowadays will come with 8GB of RAM, which is enough for day to day use. it can be enough for mid and low end games however it cuts it pretty close most of the time. 16GB of RAM is the sweet spot for gaming and anything above that is pretty much overkill (and once again a waste of money) as long as you don't have a billion unnecessary background processes. a large amount of RAM is typically needed for video editors or computer programmers. you should always make sure your motherboard can support the amount of RAM you want although any good motherboard will support 64GB or even 128GB. the best option is to get a 16GB RAM pack, which will include two 8GB RAM sticks. splitting RAM between two sticks will increase efficiency. this is called dual channel. i also recommend getting DDR4 RAM, which is simply faster than DDR3. a good speed to have is around 3600 MHz. make sure your motherboard supports DDR4. you also want to be weary that your RAM is compatible with your CPU brand because they do have to interact for your pc to function.

next is storage. there are three-ish options here depending on how much you're willing to spend. generally you should spend 8 - 10% of the budget here. you can always get a good ole hard drive for the cheapest, however they are the slowest and physically biggest option, meaning whatever you put on it will take a bit longer for your pc to retrieve and open (they can load about 100-200MB of data per second). the next option is a solid state drive. they are a little more expensive but can load as much as 600MB of data per second and take up less space. the last and most efficient/expensive option is an m.2 nvme drive. these things are physically absolutely tiny and can load up to 4GB of data per second. anything you put on these will open very very quickly. the fairly standard solution for this is a combination of two of these three. personally i'm using one m.2 drive and one hard drive. the hard drive i have can store 2TB while the m.2 drive can only store 256GB. funnily enough these two drives are roughly the same price. the idea here is to install your operating system on the faster drive. this makes it so it only takes like 8 seconds tops for your pc to start up. you can also put any other programs you use most often on there (like your main browser and favourite games) and they will open very quickly, while the bulk of your games and other files will go on the bigger drive. that's all there really is to say for storage, just make sure the reviews are good on the drive you want to get, but that goes for any component.

next is your power supply (PSU). very very important to not cheap out on this. 6 - 8% of the budget should go to this. the function of the PSU is to do exactly what its name implies: supply power to all the components. this is where the website pcpartpicker can come in very handy. not only does it help you build a list of parts that are all compatible with each other, it will also estimate how much wattage you will need to run your pc. 600W is usually enough for a normal gaming pc. PSUs are ranked, and you should never really go below a bronze ranking. you can also choose between non-modular, semi-modular, and fully-modular PSUs. non-modular PSUs have all the cables permanently attached. this can be desirable to people who are confused by what cable is plugged in where but also undesirable as unused cables cannot be removed and make cable management harder. fully-modular PSUs come with the cables all in a separate bag so you choose which ones to plug in. semi-modular power supplies have the necessary cables attached and the rest can be attached need be. it all depends on preference and how much faith you have in yourself. i have an 80+ gold certified fully modular 750W PSU because the thought of unnecessary cable management makes me sick lol. corsair is pretty much the most trusted brand for power supplies. be careful because this is another place prebuilts will cut corners.

now for the case! this one isn't overly difficult to choose and mainly will just appeal to your aesthetics. it's less important to stick to a precise percent of the budget for this one but you also don't want to spend more than 8%. do you want a black case? a white one? do you want a glass side panel so you can see inside your pc and admire your hard work? besides that, you also need to make sure the case is big enough for your motherboard, GPU, and PSU. most info pages for cases will tell you the max size of the GPU and PSU and what size of mobo it's meant for. you also want to make sure there is a place to put your storage drives (unless you only have m.2 drives which are installed on the motherboard). you also want to make sure it has optimal airflow abilities. a case with no airflow will cause overheating. the best ones have mesh fronts and tops to allow cool air to be pulled in and hot air out. it's even better if you can get a case that comes with fans in the front, because they are what pulls that cool air in.

next is the CPU cooler, which i briefly mentioned. if you don't get an AMD CPU then you'll need to buy a separate cooler. you can choose between air coolers (a fan and a heatsink) or liquid coolers. i don't really have much to say about them and i recommend doing your own research on liquid coolers lol.

last but not least, case fans. like i said a lot of cases will come with front fans and also an exhaust fan at the back, however you might want more, or even replace the ones you already have with better ones. pay attention to how many fans your case manual says can fit and plan accordingly. check out reviews to see if the fans you want are quiet and efficient. if you buy a three pack of case fans there is a chance it will come with a fan hub. this makes it easier to control all of them in sync because the hub will connect all the fans to one header on the motherboard. generally 3-6 fans are pretty good for a gaming pc. two or three in the front pulling in cool air, one at the back and two on the top to pull out hot air.

now that i have all the components out of the way i'm gonna talk about RGB lighting. numerous components that i've mentioned have the option of including LED lights to make your pc brightly coloured, which is always nice if you have a glass side panel on your pc. it's an extra bit of money but i personally was willing to sacrifice that because i want to show off my build lmao. motherboards, RAM sticks, GPUs, CPU coolers, and case fans are the main components that can come with RGB lighting. you can also get special LED strips and power connectors designed for PCs. if you decide to go for RGB lighting, do try to stick to one RGB ecosystem, meaning make sure all the RGB components can be controlled by one program. RGB is controlled by your motherboard. for example if you get an asus motherboard you'll probably want to use their program, aura sync. most components can be controlled by any brand's program however if the motherboard itself has RGB lighting it can only be controlled via its own brand's program, along with the GPU. if you want RGB case fans you really have to make sure your motherboard has RGB headers (the thingy on the motherboard where you plug the fan's LED lights into). most motherboards will only have two-ish RGB headers so if you're going to buy a bunch of fans make sure they come with a fan hub, which lets you plug them all into one header on the motherboard. also, never sacrifice performance for RGB. specifically when it comes to GPUs. if you have a choice between a GPU with RGB and a GPU without RGB, always take the one that has better performance (given it's within the parameters i mentioned earlier).

that's all i have to say :) if you couldn't tell i really love this stuff. i will also recommend you watch youtube videos about this, you can see the build process and the reasoning for using each component, and also tips on what to do and what not to do. i hope this helps and wasn't too confusing. i know you said this is mainly because you got an oculus quest 2 but if you're going to get a gaming pc you should definitely consider games outside of the oculus too.

[tangyyyy]

Triangle and bullshit

Taking part in every dramas inherent to this fandom is not in my habits, I must admit it. Generally, I don't agree with the majority view. Why? I don't really know... I already asked myself the question without really finding any answer that totally suits me. Do I have different logics because I'm older than the average age of the fandom? Perhaps my opinions, steeped in French culture, do not match the cultural majority of the fandom? I really don't know. The fact remains that I often disagree with the majority opinion and that more often than not, I force to shut myself up. Unwilling to give anything to chew to people who spend their time complaining, questioning everything, most of the time, I keep what I think for myselfn just sharing my views with fandom friends who, without necessarily sharing my opinions, can themselves be open-minded and less radical than some in the tag. Anyway, seeing the increasing criticism and, above all, the more or less hateful messages directly addressed to the Skam France team, I feel the need to explain myself. Completely selfish approach, it has no other goal than to bring out what I have in mind, nothing else. Afterwards, I will no longer take part in this sterile and somewhat childish "debate". The vox populi (aka the majority opinion of the fandom) seems to reject the idea of ​​a love triangle. Small parenthesis... This rejection is so massive, so extreme, that it's impossible for me to forget the underlying narrow-minded morality that seems to create it. I don't judge you ! Myself, at the start of the season, I was one of those who prayed not to be entitled to yet another love triangle. What I regret is the little thought shown by the fandom now that the event they feared has happened. The love triangle... Let's talk about it. Love triangle is a dramatic scheme widely used since time immemorial. The literature (western or otherwise) of the past three millennias testifies without controversy to this dimension of archetypal universality of the love triangle. I won't cite all the books, films and series that deal with love triangles, it would be endless. Why does this dramatic pattern come up all the time? But because these triangles can give rise, among the protagonists, to a palette of feelings, each more interesting than the other. Jealousy, humiliation, betrayal, guilt, feeling like a traitor, being dishonest, hurting someone... And guess what? All this... This is love too! To believe in a love without cloud, without wound, without misunderstandings, excuse me, but I find that a little... Naive. Youy think I'm cynical? No no, I sincerely believe in pure and eternal love. I don't turn a blind eye to the difficulties experienced by couples to achieve this, quite simply. In short.. As unpleasant and painful as it is, the experience of the triangle can be a powerful growth lever for the characters involved. Betrayal has enormous potential value on us. It denounces an identity flaw and at the same time authorizes a process of quest for identity, which will succeed or not, depending on what the characters decide to do with it. If a triangle comes into our life, on our own or someone else's act, it has a purpose. It becomes the revealing mirror of our unconscious. You don't like relationships based on triangles? That's too bad, The majority of interactions between humans is based on triangular issues. (One of the three people may very well be imaginary, a fantasy. The triangle may very well not be romantic but can take place into family (Freud and his Oedipus)). The problem in this fandom is the poverty of meaning that the fans seem to add to the love triangle of this season 5. Exemple: “Arthur cheats the nice Alexia with the bad Noée, it's not good, it does nothing for the story”. Or even without a personal value judgment... “Arthur hesitates between Alexia and Noée, it's silly.” WTF? But if we stick to this vision of things, necessarily that no intrigue is worth exploring. Through this intrigue, instead of grumbling and rejecting it, how about considering its potential? OKAY! Ok I know! You did't want to see a love triangle. Neither did I. But once we have said that, once we have expressed our dissatisfaction, we should perhaps think of moving on to something else, right? I only see posts that ramble, that always say the same thing, it's kinda annoying, really...

We have no choice, we aren't decision makers. The writers decided to write the story this way. Well. We can have reservations, but that won't change anything, so go ahead, right? Or else, you know what? You can also make the choice to stop watching Skam France or even to shut up... Yes, yes, I assure you, it's possible! I say all this while finally, for me, in this season 5, there is no love triangle. Let me explain... For me, there is a love triangle only if there is real hesitation, if one of the three protagonists is really attracted to the other two, may not be in the same way but in any case with the same power. Is this the case here? No! Arthur is not in love with Noée! Arthur is clearly in love with Alexia, it shows, it feels. Maybe I'm wrong but for me, there is no doubt. For a love triangle to work, the outcome must be uncertain. There, we know very well that Arthur never thought of becoming a couple with Noée. So no, for me, there is NO love triangle, Arthur is not attracted (lovingly speaking) by Noée. Okay... Okay, but he kissed her, right?! Yeah right... But there is kiss and kiss, right? I know many will disagree with me. I know it and I expose myself, by giving my opinion, to many outraged reactions but I want to say it anyway ... (My blog is not important enough to receive haters anyway :P) I don't think Arthur really cheated on Alexia. Is kissing cheating? Everyone discuss about it, often sticking firmly to their positions. The debate rages between those for whom the kiss wreaks havoc in the couple with a strong taste of cheating, and those for whom kissing remains harmless and is not adulterous. the notion of cheating remains at the discretion of each. In my opinion, a kiss can be considered as cheating if it's leaded by attraction, by desire. In the case of Arthur and Noée, it wasn't really the case I think. Maybe yes on Noée's side but certainly not on Arthur's side! And it's Arthur who "cheats", not Noée. This kiss came to fill a moment of interstellar emptiness. We all know these voids. These moments, often silent, which follow great confidences, when people find themselves in a state of great vulnerability, an intense fragility, where we could die of embarassment or fear. So yes, at that time, Arthur and Noée kissed. It wasn't desire but simple reassurance. Let's face it, kissing someone, touching one another lips, it's a feeling that can make you forget everything. An intimate gesture that comforts, that warms. Did you know? In some cultures, friends may very well kiss on the mouth without this being considered a loving gesture. So ok, that was bullshit. Instead of kissing Noée, Arthur would have done better to burst into tears, to give her a hug or even to make a mental breakdown, that would have meant the same thing (at least for me) but would have been much more politically correct.It would have less shocked  very young fans who still believe in the love of fairy tales...

But... Ok, I take a step aside, I take a step back (come, try, do like me, you'll see, it's pretty easy actually!). For this paragraph, I will consider this kiss as cheating... An infidelity can speak of many other things than disaffection. It can be linked to a problem in the couple: loss of communication, concern for the other, desire, estrangement from the two partners, conflicts ... It can also respond to a very personal problem. Kissing Noée, Arthur didn't mean to say: "Noée je t'aime", or "I don't love Alexia anymore." or even "That's it, I hesitate between two girls now!". No! Perhaps this "cheating" simply meant "I'm lost", "There is a problem between Alexia and me, we no longer understand each other. ", " I'm scared.". By kissing Noée, Arthur expresses his doubts to the spectator, he lets go under the pressure of being perfect on both sides. He shows himself to be human. And yes! Before being the perfect boyfriend, Arthur is a human. Anyway! Love is worth living, it is a feeling of intense lightness, of absolute happiness. But one cannot ignore all the pains which can gravitate around this love. It's not magic. All that to say that I will continue to follow Skam France season 5 with great happiness. Ok, they did not go in the direction I wanted but... This is also why I watch series, films, that I read books. To be surprised. If I want to control all the stories, I write them, it's that simple. I do not agree with everything that the writers put in place (the treatment of Alexia's caracter disappoints me a lot so far for example) but I won't flood the social networks with my own disappointment and my hateful comments. Trust me, I have a lot better to do with my free time. So, in short: Take a deep breath, try to step aside, get out of your own representations and you'll see, the Skam France experience is worth living.

[greatandquestionablecontent]

2, 6, 20 please and thanks!

Hi!! Thanks for the ask!! This ended up being really long and rambly lol. I've recently launched back into rewriting my novel, a good chunk of which is set in jail.

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

That's such a hard question!!!

I almost never get bored of writing Gavin or Trystan tbh. Gavin's the main POV character of this, and I definitely like him enough for that but also I just,,, love Gavin so much. We're all shocked by this, I know.

Trystan's POV I think is more fun when we don't have as much of it in this WIP, and especially in the beginning, a lot of things about him are filtered through Gavin's lens of obliviousness and paranoia. We don't always know what's going on in Trystan's head and even when we do it's sometimes just like... wow you sure have some poetically described emotions and/or just spent 4 paragraphs spacing out thinking about the history of your backpack but that didn't answer any of the reader's questions.

I think Ari might be the most "fun" in her own way. Gavin and Trystan are all angst and violence and mental illness, entrenched in jail culture and trying to navigate toxic masculinity and systemic oppression. And then here's Ari being utterly wholesome and renaming Gavin's cat and sending memes which she thinks he ought to enjoy (and he really only gives a shit about them because they're from her). She doesn't let Gavin see how upsetting this is for her and she's kind of comedic relief.

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

I have a handful of favorite scenes in this WIP, which I've written a few times before in one draft or another. A lot of the others are flexible and I just need general vibes. Honestly I think the one I'm most attached to is pure angst and is also just a really socially uncomfortable circumstance for Gavin, nevermind all the feelings Trystan's having. It also marks a turning point in how Gavin thinks and feels about Trystan in a lot of ways.

(TW suicide mention in this next paragraph, also dubcon touch but it’s fine and no one’s traumatized, it’s just awkward) 

It takes place after Trystan gets out of solitary confinement. Gavin's at first really relieved to see him, but then is utterly baffled by how to handle his pal climbing all over him, talking very explicitly about suicidal ideation/past suicide attempts... and also kissing him. 

Up until this point they've literally never even hugged -- Gavin offered a hug once and Trystan just stared at him til he put his arms down. They've had a lot of deep conversations but only one which was even comparably emotionally loaded for Trystan. 

Gavin wouldn't know how to handle these situations separately, let alone at the same time!!! And he's also realizing that he's gotten way more attached to Trystan than he ever meant to, and here are all the reasons why it was a bad idea. Right here, in his lap.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

Okay so... I tried for a bit to be like "this particular project isn't whump" but so many things that happen are whump tropes and fit right in in whump discussions and it's pretentious pretending it's Something Else Entirely. So I did more reconsidering!

To me defining a piece of writing as being primarily whump allows me a lot of freedom to sadistically do whatever the fuck I want to my characters.

It's got self indulgent bullshit, homoerotic wound tending scenes, and LOTS of angst, but ultimately it’s """about""" mental illness and friendship and romance and personal growth, and also kind of about systemic injustice. I want it to be something I could hypothetically feel okay showing people outside of the whump fandom, and for them to still get something positive out of it and not be like “wtf is this.”

Whereas some of the stuff I RP is just "ahaha this is terrible! let's make more suffering happen just because its bad, nevermind symbolic plot arcs or the political implications or whatever!" Or like Guard Dog AU is just... I dont even know. Pure self indulgent bullshit.

And I get that people can write both in one story! I guess in the end whump is a thing that happens in this WIP but that's not what the story’s main goal is for me personally? 

Although that’s not to say I'm not getting some whumpy satisfaction out of certain scenes.

[tcm--holland]

simple pt. 3 // peter parker

word count: about 3.5k

a/n: wtf almost 80 notes on pt. 2?? i love you guys thanks so much for the support it really boosts my motivation to keep writing!! this is actually edited whoa and warning for profanity. also idk what to do now that this story is done, so pls pls send in any ideas if y'all have any! just ask if ya wanna be on the tag list! sorry that this is late, life came by and made me super busy, and thanks for reading <333

part 1 | part 2

masterlist

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When Peter Parker started being apart of your life, his timing couldn't have been better. As Spider-Man, he made you want to save the world and gave you the confidence you didn't know you lacked. Even when you screwed up as S/N, he stood firmly by your side. As Peter, he gave you something to look forward to at school. He made all of your anxiety disappear with one mischievous smirk. He made you feel something special inside that you simply couldn't describe.

It's been exactly one month since you talked to him that day on the roof. Ever since then, life has gotten dull, like a pencil that you lost the sharpener to so you try to make the best of it.

He tried to talk to you so many times, but never in person. You can't find the courage to talk to him in person, either. He sent you pages and pages of text messages containing apologies. Some are just a few words and others are paragraphs long. You haven't replied to any of them. You don't have the courage to do that, either. Every time the thought of Peter returns to you, you can feel your heart break a little more. Maybe it hurts so much because for the longest time, he was the one good thing in your life. Maybe it's because he broke a long held promise.

"Spidey?" You asked one day as you swung your legs back and forth at the edge of the roof.

"What's up?" He turned to face you, head tilted to the side slightly.

"I want to make a promise. We can't hide anything from each other anymore."

Spider-Man stared at you for a few seconds, then shrugged. "Okay! Well, my name is -"

"No, no! That's the only thing that we should hide. I meant anything other than our identities. You know, you don't have to worry about what I'll think if you're honest. That's the only reason why I got mad when you finally told me why you weren't coming every day." You rubbed your arm and frowned.

"Wait, so you don't actually hate Mr. Stark?" He sounded surprised.

"I mean, the guy didn't do anything to me or you. I might heavily disapprove of the guy, but I don't hate him, no."

"...You're right. We should be honest with each other. But what if one of us finds out the other's identity? Then that kind of messes everything up."

You thought about this for a while, trying to come up with a solution. "Tell the other person. I think the other would figure it out eventually. I mean, you're smart as hell and I'm pretty okay too. So might as well tell them, right?"

"Well, yeah, but what about the secret identity thing?"

"If one already knows, then there's no point in upholding that anymore. The only purpose of not telling each other who we are is to keep things simple," you smile under your mask and shrug. "It's okay, you're probably someone I don't even know. But we have to keep each other's secret if that ever happens. We'll figure out the rest when we get there."

"Okay. Promise to keep the secret and to tell each other everything," Spider-Man nodded. You held your pinky out to secure the promise. Chuckling, he wrapped his pinky around yours.

Only then did you nod back. "Promise."

A tear slips out of your eye, glistening in the fluorescent lights of the Chemistry classroom. Come on, you can't cry in the middle of a Chemistry test. You quickly wipe it away and write faster, teeth gritted in determination. How did it get to the point that you can't even go through the day without remembering Peter? For a second, you glance at Peter only to see that he's been staring for a long time now. Shit, he caught you. Your eyes momentarily meet. In that fraction of a second, it feels as though you saw through to his internal torment. A heavy weight sets on your heart, one that doesn't let go even when you look away to get back to writing.

Towards the end of class, your teacher stands up and starts announcing some kind of project. You're hardly listening as you stare at your shoes. Maybe you could forgive him and just forget about this whole thing. Then you could just hug him and...and...

You think you might start crying again, but you bite your tongue as hard as you can without making yourself bleed. You feel the familiar strain on your forehead as you do your very best to not let your classmates see your tears. That would be an embarrassing situation to explain to your teacher.

No, of course you can't forgive him that easily. You've told Peter how much you hate dishonesty. But he tossed that right out of the fricking window, knowing how you'd feel. What a prick.

"Hey, don't look at each other yet. Since it's a short project that shouldn't take you longer than a few days, you'll just be working with the person next to you." Groans and mumbles fill the room, but your teacher isn't having any of it. You hear people near you cuss under their breath.

Whatever, another project shouldn't be that big of a -

Your train of thought stops immediately when you realize who the person beside you is. Oh hell no. No no no no. What is this, some kind of movie? This doesn't actually happen in real life, right? There is absolutely no way this is real.

He catches your gaze. In your case, this does happen in real life. It's not so weird when you remember that you live in a world where the Avengers, like, exist. You try to sound as professional as you can when you speak to him. If you ever make it big as a superhero, you're sure you'll have to be great at that skill around people you're not necessarily on good terms with. "Uh, okay. So I can get books from the library to use as some of our references. Or the internet. That works, too. And like, we need a plan. Also, this is obviously not going to get done at school, so um..."

You mentally curse a little for being so awkward. It was all structured and nice in your head, and then it came out the way it always does. So much for professionalism.

Peter's listening intently. "I could come over," he says eagerly. You look at him, silent with your eyes narrowed. "Uh, if you want, that is. You don't have to do anything. I was just suggesting it...even though it didn't really sound like a suggestion. I just thought it would be ideal, 'cause you live closer to school than I do and..."

You stare hopelessly, watching him gradually get more and more tense. He's so damn cute. The look in his eyes is just as you remember from that one day in Chemistry. It feels like it was just yesterday. It's the unmistakable look of shy adoration that's so unique to him. You wonder how he can still be like that when you can't even bring yourself to smile anymore. It looks like nothing can take away his excited nature.

"Peter," you say softly to get him to calm down. You haven't said his name out loud in a long time. Even when you talked to Iris about him and shared your issues, you never referred to him by name.

He stops immediately, his cheeks starting to redden in realization of his rambling. "Y-Yeah, I know I should shut up."

"That's not what I was going to say. I was just going to tell you to come over today. Uh, maybe not right after school."

"Oh, okay," Peter says, sounding a little breathless. Seeing him like this takes your breath away, too. "I'm busy after school too."

"I know." You look away, lost in your thoughts once again.

After school, you do your best to clean up your room. You stuff the clothes on the floor into a laundry basket and toss stray papers into your recycling bin. Once your bed is made and your room looks better, you sigh. Your eyes float up to the suit on your shelf, neatly folded. It's dusty and the equipment needs to be updated, but you don't even think about touching it. You look away before you can get any ideas. You know that deep inside, you miss that part of your life. You just want to kick ass and leap around trying to be as cool, like some of the bigger superheroes.

You sit on your bed and do your other homework as you wait. The hours tick by, one by one. You even start planning out the project, sketching out all the details so that the only thing that needs to be done is the actual work. You clean up your room some more, starting to get a little bored. You comb your hair and tie it back. At six-thirty, you start thinking he might have stood you up. Maybe he got busy being Spider-Man. Not that you're upset at him for that. You know that the job gets busy sometimes. You pick up your phone to call him, but then set it back down before you do.

At eight, you're sure he's not going to show up. You sigh and sit on your floor. What if something had happened to him? Maybe he needs your help, and all you need to do is call him. Guilt twists in your stomach. You turn to look at your bookshelf and the many books you've collected over the years, telling yourself that everything is okay. A new one about spiders sits on the edge of the shelf, its receipt tucked into the cover.

You turn back to your window and yelp a little. There, sitting in your window in his suit with a slightly bent churro in hand, is Peter. He always freaks you out when he sneaks up on you like that. He hasn't even changed out of his suit, but at least he brought his school bag.

"Sorry for being...late..." He pants, holding out the churro to you like a rose. "Thought I'd...grab something along the way." He clutches his side in pain.

You stand up and rush over to him, frowning. Grabbing the churro and his bag, you set them aside. "What happened? Did you get hurt?" You help him in, worried.

"Oh, uh, it's nothing, Y/N," he reassures in a way that only has the opposite effect. He slides off his mask to reveal scrapes and bruises on his face. There's a little smile on his face, much to your confusion.

"Peter, what the hell did you do?" You make him sit down on your bed, bringing your hands to his face. When you do this, his breath hitches. As your thumb skims over his cheek gently, he winces. "Sorry," you say quickly, frowning deeply.

"Hey, you should see the other guy! I had to knock him out for the police to get him. Crazy! I hope I didn't injure him that bad though...do you know if knocking people out hurts them a lot?"

"I don't know anything about medicine, Spidey! And who cares about him, look at yourself!" In your panicked state, your nickname for him slips out. You only realize this after you've said it.

"It's okay," he says as if everything really is okay. How is this okay? He's so calm, it's kind of scaring you. There's a distant look in his eyes, like he's not really completely aware of his situation.

"What is wrong with you? Why are you not freaking out about this? Are you drunk or something?" You exclaim, trying to snap him out of it.

Peter blinks. "No! I'm fine, really. It gets worse than this sometimes, so I don't know why-"

"It gets worse?" Your eyes widen, wondering why he suddenly can't handle a few purse snatchers. He shrugs indifferently. "Okay, uh...I-I'll get ice or something. Dude, why are you here? I don't even know where the band-aids are in my own house!"

"The project," Peter says simply. You don't like him like this. You just wish he'd make a joke or something so at least you know he's being normal. Come on, Peter!

"The project." You're trying not to get pissed off at his utter disregard for himself. "The project? The goddamn project? You go and do this to yourself, and the only thing on your mind is a stupid Chem project?"

"Uh...yeah...?"

Your eyebrows draw together. He's starting to make you feel like crying. "Peter, please. Tell me what's wrong. You're seriously freaking me out. Are you okay?" You ask the last question with more emphasis this time, tilting his chin up to make him look you in the eyes. His normally clear dark eyes are bloodshot, and there are purplish bags under them.

A beat passes before he responds. "No."

You look at him for a long time, trying to figure him out. His hair is a sweaty mess, and...has he been crying? You swallow, doing something you never thought you'd get to do again

You lean over and wrap your arms around him. "Ow, ow, not there," he says gently, and you quickly move your arms. He's warm, but that might just be because he was just leaping around buildings for the past few hours.

He rests his forehead on your shoulder. With your other hand, you smooth the hair out of his face. God, he looks awful. How did he manage to get himself beaten up this bad? Millions of questions form in your head, none of which you know the answer to.

You know he's crying when he starts shaking. Your shirt is going to get soaked, but you don't care. You hold him a little tighter. "You can tell me anything," you remind him quietly, but your voice breaks at the end.

"I miss you, Y/N." The way he says it, it shatters you completely. His voice is raw and rough, full of so much emotion that you weren't prepared for. Your lip trembles slightly and threatening tears fill your eyes.

"I-I can't be Spider-Man. Not if you're not there with me, Y/N, I just can't. I need to hear your voice through my suit, because I can't focus on anything anymore. I can't fight without you." Your throat tightens, knowing that your situation hasn't really been much better. You quit being a hero that day because you knew you couldn't keep doing it on your own. And it's been killing you since.

All of your previous hatred for Peter disappears like nothing. You can't even bring yourself to be angry at him anymore. You don't care about what he did. All you can see is how hurt he is now, and how he needs your help. You close your eyes and let yourself cry as his voice continues

"I never wanted to hurt you. When I found out that you were S/N, I got scared. I thought you wouldn't like me if I was more than regular Peter Parker to you. But I was stupid to think I could make it work. I know I broke our promise, and I'm so sorry for that." You stare out your window, tears streaming freely. You should've been there out with him. All of the emotion you bottled up for a month comes pouring out in a rushing torrent. You somehow kept it all together for an entire month. You avoided him whenever you could, you ignored his texts and calls. You did everything you could, and it tore you apart inside to do it all. Only now are you feeling the pain you pushed away then, deep in your heart.

"Please look at me." You look at him, and he lifts his head to face you. Gently, you set a hand on his cheek.

"You don't have to say sorry anymore, Peter. I forgive you. I forgive you." You rest your forehead against his, trying to calm down so you can stop crying.

He finally wipes his tears away with the sleeve of his suit and does the same for you before looking into your eyes. It's only now that you realize how close you are to him. "I-I love you, Y/N. I always have, I just didn't know until now." He whispers, leaning in slightly.

You close your eyes and kiss him, gentle and sweet and everything you expected. You've never kissed anyone before Peter, so you're going entirely by instinct. His arm reaches around your waist and tugs you closer. His other hand rests on your cheek, bringing warmth to you. The butterflies in your stomach intensely flutter, and you let it all consume you for a few minutes. You place one hand on the back of his neck to gently push him closer to you.

When you pull away, it's only for air. You breathe heavily, not knowing whether what just happened was real or if you were just imagining it all. You'd always read about kisses like these in novels, but you didn't know if it really existed. It seemed everything was a fantasy with Peter Parker. Old mistakes forgotten, you give him a shy smile. "I love you and that churro," you murmur, and for the first time in forever, you hear his beautiful laugh. This makes you inexplicably happy, just to see some of his sunshine poke through.

"Speaking of which, I went through a lot for that churro," Peter says. You grin and grab it to take a bite out of it in appreciation. But before you can, Peter plucks it out of your hand and eats nearly a mouthful of it.

"Now it's only half a churro!" You laugh and grab his hand to eat a bit of it before standing up. "One sec, I'll be right back."

You race downstairs, ignoring your parents' hellos and opening the freezer to grab all the frozen things you can get. They give you a strange look from across the room. Quickly, you try to think of an excuse before you drop something. "I'm, uh...hungry."

"So you're eating frozen peas?" Your dad questions, eyebrows raised in mild concern and disbelief.

"Yep," you grin nervously and sprint back up to your room before he can ask anything else. Peter sees you enter with a load of frozen things to serve as ice packs, laughing.

An hour later, you have Peter mostly well taken care of. With his guiding, you ice the bruises properly. He showers, coming out smelling like your strawberry body wash. You consider buying another bottle for him just so you can smell it when you hug him. You both sit on the bed and finish the project without wasting time, thanks to your planning. "We still have three days to do this whole thing," you remind as you add the finishing touches.

"Yeah, and that's three days that we can spend together. Under the excuse of the project, of course." He gives a mischievous smile that's so contagious that you're smiling back.

"Hm...I approve of this idea."

You don't talk again until the project is finished, and by then, it's late. "Are you sure May won't mind you staying until, like, midnight?"

"Yeah, yeah. I told her where I am, so it's all good."

He sits against your pillows, and you rest your head on his chest. You stretch your legs out on the bed. "You know," he begins. You glance up at him to signal that he has your attention. "You thought I was ripped, but I'm nothing compared to you."

"Whoa, I did not say you were ripped! I mean, you are, but that's besides the point. And thank you! I try."

Peter laughs. "Seriously though, do you work out or something? What gym do you go to?" It takes a moment for you to realize he's teasing you. You shove him slightly, trying not to smile.

"Screw you."

"I mean, that would be great, but in case you forgot, we're just fifteen. Maybe wait a while before we get that stage-"

"Oh my god. Screw you!"

"I told you, we should think about things like that before-"

"Ahh! Stop! My ears are bleeding!" You cover your ears and giggle as he gives you a big grin.

"Y/N?" Peter says after a bit of silence.

"Mhm?" You nestle your head into his neck as he loosely wraps his arm around you.

"You're going to be S/N with me now, right? Like, you'll fight crime again?" He sounds hopeful.

"Of course I will."

"Really? And you'll talk to Mr. Stark, too?"

"Okay, don't push your luck there. But I'll think about it, if it makes you happy."

"Thank you, Y/N." He looks into your E/C eyes, and in that moment, you know. Queens needs you, and Peter needs you even more. Everything is complicated, but for once, you don't hate it. Simple is starting to look a little boring with someone like Peter Parker in your life.

_________________________

tag list:

@thelifeofanengineeringstudent

@deans-angel-of-thursdays

[jedichick04]

Rachel’s Rambles - 5x21 Honor Thy Fathers

I wasn’t overly eager about tonight. I figured it would be a “filler” episode, moving towards the last two episodes which I’m greatly anticipating, and I’d figured it’d be a bit light on Olicity after that glorious episode last week. The summary didn’t really impress me. I mean, a giant cement block shows up for Oliver. Woohoo. Let’s get to the end of season showdown stuff.

Boy, was I ever wrong about this episode. And oh, did I ever enjoy it.

The Good

I can’t believe how many little Easter eggs were in this episode! You can really feel the drive to tie the end of Season 5 to the beginning of Season 1, both in the flashbacks and the present day. I really enjoyed the flashbacks tonight. Maybe it’s because I love getting the background on things, but something about Oliver wandering around the island and reminiscing with Anatoly just got me in a warm fuzzy nostalgic place. We finally got the answers to: why was Slade’s mask on the beach like it was; when Oliver learned to fly (and I am a sucker for more information on Oliver and Robert’s relationship); how that fishing boat “happened by” Oliver and Lian Yu; Stephen’s grand plan to get Oliver’s hair and beard to how they were in the pilot. I teared up when Anatoly and Oliver said goodbye. I’m not gonna lie.

The callbacks to Season 1 in the present day were something I didn’t know I needed. Circling back to the fact that Oliver started the crusade because of his father, and now is confronting just what sorts of things his father did in the past--there was something that just really struck me of how Oliver is finally coming to terms with all of that. I loved that he rewatched the video from his father. And finally--FINALLY--Thea got that last message from her father. As irritating as it is for Oliver to have kept it from her, I can’t help but feel that she got it at the exact right time in her life.

Speaking of Oliver and his father’s video...I just about died when Oliver was watching the video, Felicity came up, asked about the video, and then Olicity had their heart to heart. In a lot of ways, this episode felt like a “finale” -- Felicity giving Oliver a hero talk, then Oliver taking that and going and “defeating” the villain. And of course, it’s meant to feel like a finale...but the truth is, Prometheus still has a few more checks left in his chess game before checkmate.

I could gush for paragraphs about Olicity. THEY ARE BACK Y’ALL. Felicity is rocking the red dress and lips and Oliver immediately got back in her personal space. THERE WAS A SHOULDER TOUCH AND A HEY. And that was just in their first scene together ;) But in all seriousness, it felt so good to have them back in sync and confiding in each other. They are back as a team, stronger than ever, and when they finally do pull the trigger on being together all the way...oh, I am so looking forward to them being the power couple of the show next year. :) 

Oliver put the Green Arrow hood back on because of what Felicity talked to him about, and he acknowledged it to Diggle and the team. He faced down Chase with humor and a steely resolve and a knowledge that he was going to win. He spoke to Thea and admitted her was wrong to keep the video from her, then encouraged her to live her own life just as Felicity encouraged Oliver to live his own life. I can’t even express how much I enjoyed that. But you get the idea ;)

I have missed Thea badly, and Queen sibling interactions even more. I really enjoyed all their moments together, though at one point I was yelling at the screen, “Ask Thea back to the bunker, you idiot! Don’t just make her feel left out by sitting in your chair by herself!” I’m disappointed that the writers flat out debunked my theory of where Thea has been (come on, can’t you let Theroy be happy even if it’s just offscreen????) but they earned some of my forgiveness by letting Thea go on her own emotional journey tonight and not regress into the child that wanted nothing to do with her father and her family’s lies.

Rene and Lance were awesome this episode. I continue to like seeing the two of them on my screen. My heart sank when Rene didn’t show up and I was expecting him to bust in the door at the last second, but the preview mentioning that Rene is “missing” made me feel a little better. But dang it he better get a second chance post end of the season crisis!

I love Dinah. I don’t think there’s much I can say to expand on that, except I’m really happy she’s here to stay for next season. I think they finally achieved what they’ve been after for the Black Canary, and it’s enjoyable to see on screen.

Curtis and Felicity geeking out over Witness and their love of movies made me extremely happy. Their shock at Dinah not knowing that movie makes me think Team Arrow Movie Nights will be a thing this summer.

Diggle is the best for buying the first round of celebratory drinks for Team Arrow. And being snarky with Oliver in the cement room. And giving his best “WTF” face when Felicity started babbling science. Actually, Diggle is just the best ;)

The Bad

How did Oliver believe that Chase was just “giving up”? Felicity’s proud comments about Chase just dropping like a marionette at Oliver’s words were fun, but seriously, Oliver. The man had his grand chess game all planned out and if you thought it was unlikely he’d have it end with the cement room, why would you think he’d end up with a surrender? UGH. I know I know. We need drama for the last two episodes and hey, it means we’re going to finally get a lighthearted team party on Arrow next week. BUT STILL. BE SMARTER OLIVER.

Rene’s daughter’s face broke my heart. That was horrible. STUPID PROMETHEUS AND HIS EVIL PLANS.

How dare Arrow leaves us last week with Chase absconding with William and this week we don’t get to see his face to know he’s still alive. I’m just saying. I get Chase has his evil endgame plans but let us know the kid is alive at least!

The Ugly

I will not be sad to see Oliver’s flashback hair go. It looked particularly limp tonight.

I...am not that interested in how undead evil Russian guy got on the island and is intent on beating up Oliver. I wanted more Anatoly and Oliver tour Lian Yu and Talk About Things.

The ARGUS yellow jump suit is its own form of torture for prisoners. Gross.

Next Up and Last Thoughts

I notice that the preview for next week did not include any “Happy birthdays” for Oliver and instead focused on the actual “missing” people. Pfft. Just because the episode is called Missing doesn’t mean we don’t want the fun stuff in the promo too ;)

But in all seriousness..I’m rubbing my hands together in evil anticipation of next week. It looks awesome.

Who do you think Chase’s “friends” are that are helping with the kidnapping? Talia and her cohorts, perhaps? Does Felicity get to at least wish Oliver a happy birthday first? Does Chase know to save OTA for last with the kidnapping? Will ARGUS run out of products for his hair? All good questions that may be answered next week!

I LOVED Felicity’s dress tonight. She looked gorgeous. And I loved seeing all of Team Arrow’s strengths on my screen. It was a fast paced episode that allowed for a few introspective moments. I really think these last few episodes have 1000% been hitting their stride.

What was your favorite moment of the night? What do you think will happen next? On a scale from 1 to 10, how awful are the ARGUS yellow jumpsuits?

[gigabyte-goblin]

mon, jun 7, 2021, pt 2

ok i’ve decided that multiple posts a day is fine. i spent way too long looking for a header image for this blog and i’m not sure why, since i don’t intend for anyone but me to see it. i guess i just wanted it to be nice anyway. i ended up just choosing a plain mint green. before i did that i chose a profile picture, it’s just a random meme i have that makes me laugh, and idk why but it feels relatable. in case i change it in the future, it’s that girl from neon genesis evangelion and it says “it’s wednesday, or as i like to call it: thursday” idk why it feels relatable it just does. anyway enough about memes. it’s 5:05 now and I finished my english homework but idk, i’m feeling down now. not sure why, maybe because of the homework, maybe because i wasted a long time looking for an image for a blog no one will see. i was actually feeling pretty good after my first post, maybe because it felt good to post, or maybe something else. either way that feeling went away sometime between then and now. (i posted it at around 3:50, i think) (should i include timestamps on these? i think that would be interesting but i’m not sure whether to put the time i started writing the post or the time i finished it, cause i spent like about 15 min on the last one just putting down everything that my brain said. well, most of what my brain said) 

actually, writing this is making me feel a bit better again i think. i was honestly planning to probably procrastinate my math homework until tommorrow morning (it’s due when i have class, which is at 2:30) but i’m feeling a bit more capable of doing it now. i guess this really does help. i mean, i still don’t WANT to do my homework, but i’m feeling less down. maybe if i listen to music it will be bearable. either way i should do it soon because my concerta is starting to wear off, and the more it wears off, the more frustrating and unproductive homework is. woah, in the middle of writing that sentece i started dissociating or whatever, i’m not sure if that’s the right term. it’s been a while since this happened. it used to happen a lot. at the moment it’s kinda coming back and then going away and then coming back. i feel kinda sick. i should probably eat something.. all i ate today were two protein bars. ugh, if that’s how i’m eating i’m never gonna gain weight. why is it so hard for me to gain weight anyway? i’ve never been anorexic or anything, i just rarely get hungry because of my meds, which makes it really hard to eat. i love the days when i don’t have to take my concerta and i can enjoy food. those days i do tend to be hungry all day even when i eat meals, so i have a lot of snacks too. i guess not having to constantly get up to snack is kinda convenient, but i still hate the side effects of concerta. 

writing this feels good, but i should really do my math homework. i’m dreading it now though.. this feels safe, i just put whatever comes into my brain, onto the keyboard, no focus required, if my brain wanders, it comes back beacause i’m still typing the thought, i don’t have time to move to another one. well maybe that’s why this is easier than homework, idk. it feels good to just put whatever down, without sticking to a topic at all, it feels freeing. i thought i hated writing, maybe i just hate writing things when they’re meant to be coherent. writing this is fun, if i wanted to start talking about pokemon right after talking about my medication, i could! and no one could tell me not to, it’s my blog post and there are no expectations. i guess that’s how it’s different from like, creative writing, even though you can write about whatever you want, there’s still expectations, like a narrative and for things to make sense. this is great. no rules, no expectations for it to be entertaining or interesting, just putting down whatever i want. i could do this all day. but i think that’s what crazy people do. crazy people write pages and pages of rambling and incoherent thoughts. will i go crazy if i keep writing paragraph upon paragraph of whatever pops into my head? or is this just like a diary? is there a difference between a diary and the ramblings of someone insane? is the difference that one is written by an insane person? if so i guess the writing is not the cause of the insanity, so i’m probably safe. not that writing alone can cause insanity, but things like ignoring the outside world in favor of writing everything you feel like probably could. i mean, most unhealthy behavior could probably cause insanity if done for long enough. is this unhealthy? spending a long time writing down everything i feel like without rhyme or reason? IS this any different than a diary? i have no idea. ok this is creeping me out now.

i really should exrecise more often, i used to get a good amount, with walking home from the train station every day, as well as walking whenever i went anywhere with friends, but now i literally just sit on my ass all day. my ass is literally numb atm. ok i’m feeling a bit more motivated now, i think i’ll start on my math homework. as soon as i was nearly halfway through that sentence my motivation dropped again... idk wtf is up with me, is it normal for feelings to change within seconds and then go back again? i had like, 3 seconds of motivation and then it left. it just came back, and then promptly left again, i feel like emotions are the ocean waves right now (not trying to sound poetic just can’t think of another way to put it) like, for a few seconds i felt good, then it left, then came back, what’s up with this? my feelings aren’t usually this fickle. maybe it’s just that i’m hyper aware of them right now since i’m writing it down in real time. that’s probably it. anyway, gonna get up and stretch, but i don’t think this will be my last post for today.

[professorjjong]

 me rambling about mdzs (the novel) bc it’s literally six am my body woke me up at 4 am for the sole purpose of finishing it and i finished it and then started reading the post script but it was like my heart was wylie coyote it wasn’t until a few minutes after i’d finished it that i realized i was destroyed

good book

sdkfjesiofhdcklwjfioe ok wei wuxian carries like the first fourth of the book. there’s so many fucking characters and names like wtf was going on. it wasn’t made clear what wei wuxian was doing or why--and tbh i don’t think it ever really is, his intentions. like, where was he planning to go after mo village? what was he planning on doing? when he leaves cloud recesses with lan wangji, why does he stay with him at all--why not just run the fuck off? he didn’t know, at this point, that lan wangji knew who he was so why would he risk it? the one thing that was made clear about wei wuxian’s intentions after he had been brought back to life were that he did not want to be recognized, so why would he stick around with lwj? 

for that first fourth, wei wuxian didn’t hesitate in where he was going or why or whatever he was just, going and doing things for no good reason and i didn’t know why and it was frustrating, following around a character who doesn’t seem to have any idea what he wants and also doesn’t even hesitate to think about it. but ugghhh he’s such an interesting character. his past, only teased, seemed super interesting and had created a man who interacted with his surroundings in a comedic and almost flippant way. it made the fantasy elements, buttload of information about cultivation and its sects and enemies as well as the sheer number of characters less intimidating--yes, because it probably wasn’t until almost halfway through that I was able to figure everything out, but i had wwx to hold onto. he’s a suuuuper strong character and was so, so fun to read about i miss him :( 

lwj truly didn’t do anything for me until near the very end when the events following the siege at the nightless city were revealed. i didn’t dislike him as a character, i thought he was fine--but i didn’t think he was as good of a foil to wwx as he could have been. i mean, they’re clearly meant to be foils--one is dressed in black and the other in white. u don’t even need to know anything else aside from that information to know that they’re foils. but i don’t think lwj was a strong enough presence to really “oppose” wwx for most of the novel. honestly, he didn’t even feel present for the first, what, 3/4? it wasn’t until wwx really started developing and even acting out on his feelings that lwj stepped into prominence. the emphasis of the novel, its focus, had shifted along with wwx’s toward lwj. compared to wwx, lwj is almost colorless as a character. yes hahahahahahha more color differences between them but i think, in order for characters to really function as foils, they need to be on equal footing, if only in the framing of the novel. but they weren’t. even during the flashbacks, there was an unevenness to it. at times, lwj felt almost like an afterthought. i remember myself thinking, ‘oh, lwj is there too.’ which yeah, he is quiet, but he’s there. his presence was not always made clear, and, since wwx is such a bright beacon and such an overwhelming chaotic presence, don’t you think lwj should have been a bigger presence to properly be his foil? it’s not until the very end, truly, that the two of them are able to bounce off of each other in a very fun and dynamic way--but, again, the veryyyyyy end. like, the last two chapters very end. 

aside from the plot hole i brought up in the first paragraph, there are some others, big and small. won’t bother to list them--but, and i mean maybe it’s in the additional chapters that i haven’t read yet, super upset we didn’t get to see the actual siege on burial mound. that moment would have been so fucking tense and cool and also would have just answered questions--like, was he killed as a backlash of his own power or was it jiang cheng or someone else who delivered the final blow? wtf was he thinking about as it was happening??? pls?? pls??? i want to know???

ok wait i do need to bring this up like WTF i cannot believe they did not explain wtf happend when wwx was on burial mound for three months and where the fuckkkkkkkkkkkk he learned about the dark magic. there was some throwaway line about a book and i’m just?? u expect me to believe there was jsut some crazy ass book like sitting on a tree stump among a bunch of dead-ass bodies, just waiting for someone to find it? Like seriously?? seriously?? even if there was such a fucking book who the fuck wrote it and why did they put it on the mountain and why did wwx decide that he needed to reclaim his power through it? why did he decide to use music, like the lan sect? why a flute? i have so many fucking questions!! AUTHOR!! AUTHOR!!!! PLEASE WHAT THE FUCK!!! 

also ok this isn’t a “plot hole” but a... theme... hole. a theme hole. i don’t fucking know but the book does a really good job throughout of bringing up mob mentality and other social behaviors when someone becomes the “enemy” of the group. they do this first with wwx and painstakingly set up how much of it is fabrications or exaggerations or bandwagoning, etc. and even why this happened--the people were still hurt by what had happened with the wen sect and, fearful of another force building up its power, it was easy for them to focus their animosity on wwx (the fact that it was him and the remaining wen clan didn’t help either, obvs). so, we’re sympathetic toward wwx because, not only have we been following him for the first half of this novel (by the time we go far enough into the past to learn about what happened when and after he became the yiling patriarch) and because we know his true intentions are pure. he’s a good guy at the end of the day. yeah he did some really, really bad shit during the war and was using a “twisted” ability, but he was trying to help people (also this book clearly has the message that revenge =  good which is,, interesting? i have certainly never read a book before that justifies revenge. usually, the morale is that revenge is never quite nice. see the count of monte cristo (the book, obviously). so, in the moral universe set up in this book, wasn’t wwx totally justified in his actions, however terrible, against the wen sect bc they destroyed the jiang sect? not saying i think that way, just that i think the story expects us to think that way). so, our set up to rumors and badmouthing by people is that it’s wrong, right? and that the other person doesn’t deserve it, no matter what they may have done? it just leads to more and more lies and should be stopped, right? we didn’t like it happening to wwx, who was also frustrated by it both in flashbacks and in the present, so, when it happens to the villain..... it’s okay? our protagonists dont’ have to rise up to defend him, even if he did do wrong? wwx just thinks ‘well, at leeas they weren’t this shitty to me’ and that’s fuckKING IT?? REALLY??

like this is the second ot last scene of the entire fucking story and that’s the fucking note it ends on? there’s nothing else?? no other perspective on responding to mob mentality that we’re going to get?? didn’t wwx die bc of mob mentality and, rather than trying to clean up his perception, he just maintained his behavior and quietly accepted being called evil???? doesn’t that mean it’s bad??? but they just?? let it happen??? again???  that’s the note?? author??? author??? is it all ok that people talk this way even when it leads to people getting killed??? author??? author?????????????? 

i think i got enough of my feelings out now to go read the additional chapters. peace

[tumblunni]

Phewwww finally back to finishing up my ‘Bunni Plays Orion’ posts! I finished the game and it just let me down SO MUCH that I had to take a break before I post up my thoughts n stuff. ALAS! godddd SO MUCH wasted potential and SO MANY things rushed through and SO MUCH screentime wasted on long rambling descriptions of irrelevant stuff instead of actually exploring any of these infinately better directions! but the art is so good (albiet inconsistant) and the voiceacting is SO good seriously its better than a lot of triple A games and I feel like an asshole criticizing this story when so many people on the team were clearly passionate about it... seriously it even has a fuckin PROG ROCK THEME TUNE SUNG BY THE VOICEACTORS I feel SO BAD for these people that I didnt enjoy their lil passion project it sucks that effort doesn’t necessarily equal success, cos everyone has their own preferences on things I’m sure SOMEONE out there must have enjoyed this as much as it deserves, but to me its just like a constant empty void with tantalizing hints of directions i would have preferred the plot to go into...

ANYWAY HERE WE ARE

I’m gonna go explore the other two routes, and apparantly this is the big branching point choice for whatever reason there’s no route where cyrus doesnt turn evil/you don’t discover he’s evil (wasted potential again), its just whether or not you manage to escape from him or have someone else rescue you. (again, a big example of how your choices dont friggin matter...) I didn’t imagine you’d just be able to elbow him in the ribs and run off, easy as pie! They try and make a vague excuse for why he NEVER USES HIS DAMN POWERS TO CATCH YOU EXCEPT WHEN THE PLOT DEMANDS IT but seriously, you also just had like a twenty minute scene of him beating the fuck out of you with his bare hands so why is he suddenly unable to overpower you here??????

Another moment where the holo-pad’s written description doesn’t seem to align with how it appears as a wristwatch in CG art. Seriously, its described just like a regular phone! Why would it be exceptional enough to mention you’re holding your wrist at your side? And with the way it looks in CG art it projects an image into the air in front of you, so wouldnt this be MORE CONSPICUOUS if you’re shooting a giant floating face off to the left of you and not even looking at it??? EVERYONE WOULD SEE VIRGIL RIGHT NOW. EVERYONE.

...why am i thinking so much about this

Most of the choices in this route are really boring and reptitive. It gets even worse on the second branch from this one, seriously! Whenever protagonist is left alone without another character telling him what to do, we just have long scenes of him wandering between the various places he’s meant to be in other routes. It’s taking lack of choice to a whole new level! A boring level! Seriously its JUST walking scenes, with a big internal monologue just going ‘i wonder wtf is going on, i wonder if i can trust virgil’ like FIVE TIMES IN SUCCESSION. There’s no real plot except random doubts that seem completely unprompted, to make sure these routes are still as long as the other ones even though you take much longer to reach the important characters...

See what I mean? I didn’t show it in these posts but there’s already like a five paragraph scene of GOSH GASP OH NO ANGST TO CYRUS BEING EVIL I DONT KNOW IF CYRUS IS EVIL back before he punches you in the first place And now its somehow deserving of a whole new CG image just to show it again. Seriously, they assign these random alternate art style pics at the most random of irrelevant moments! And.. like.. they don’t even explore the emotional ramifications or anything! Its literally just HEY THIS THING HAPPENED GASP WHAT A SHOCK. *ends with no development* And no we dont ever get any explanation for why cyrus was pretending to be your friend, and no cyrus didnt really have any actual affection for you or any complex personality traits. And no he doesnt actually do ANYTHING in ANY ROUTE except act as the enforcer for the bigger bad guy we never see until the last five seconds. And he barely ever even uses his time powers! And he doesnt have any REASON to be doing anything he’s doing! and he just vanishes from the plot whenever he’s not needed! he only exists to be an excuse to push the other characters into whatever situation the writers need at the moment. He has no agency or motivation and it feels like they dont even know where he IS when he’s out of sight, seriously. is he just chillin in the break room. does his time power make him move at the speed of plot. SORRY IM JUST VERY FRUSTRATED BY THIS! Seriously what was teh POINT of making him be a fake friend for the first five minutes? if we’re not gonna get any character development for either of them after the revelation... they coulda just introduced him right here as mr unnamed enemy enforcer who does nothing, and that would have probably saved a lot of goddamn time! I LIKED FAKE CYRUS A LOT BETTER. HE LOOKED LIKE HE HAD REASONS TO EXIST.

Oh and yeah this is what I mean about the protagonist just waiting around til various characters tell him what to do. Virgil just suddenly tells you where to go. Okay. Seriously it takes SO LONG for there to actually be any sort of legitimately interesting exploration of his ability to see all the timelines simultaneously and know everything you have to do. For the rest of the time its just an excuse for him to tell you stuff you’d otherwise never find out. But only tell you it on one route even though it wouldve been useful a million other times. And blablabla contrived ‘something something paradoxes’ excuse for why he does this...

Oh, and this is Mari’s only appearance on this half of the routes. Aside from the weird mandatory stalking sequence at the start of the game SERIOUSLY WHY WAS THAT EVEN THERE! in EVERY route you end up going back in time three days so it never even happened... Anyway, in this version Virgil tells you to tell her ‘hey i know you’re part of the resistance and i wanna meet issaku’, which causes her to beat you up like a jackass instead of taking you to see him which makes NO SENSE cos she takes you to see him on 2/4 routes, and the only difference is that in those ones you DONT ask to see him. She’s somehow more willing to drag you along into her super secret operation when she thinks you’re a total useless stranger! I mean, at least it works out tho cos they find out you have time powers and blah, but it was a complete coincidence! It feels like Mari is just either nice or awful depending on what the plot requires of her. Same for the rebellion in general. And they arent even really mentioned in ANY of the other routes, they only exist to be an excuse for why the villain guy wants to destroy your town. They dont even get to show up in the true ending epilogue...

Anyway, this is the true only reason Mari appears in this route. She decks u in the face and you time fart away~! Every route has to have a scene where you discover your powers, so that all the later stuff can make sense. But sometimes it feels like it was ACTUALLY an important part of the story, and sometimes it feels like they literally just threw it in at the least second to have an excuse why you can use your powers later. And sometimes you still get continuity confusion where it feels like you suddenly know how to use them for no reason... And also its never explained why you were never able to use your powers before??? If its so easy to suddenly manifest them as soon as you’re told they exist...

And then the choice here between the final two routes is just “Virgil mentioned the name of some random woman I’ve never heard of, should I go find her or not?” its got way less of a coherant narrative structure than the two rebellion routes.