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gatitties · 2 years

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Caring you

─ Yandere!bonten x motherly!reader (Platonic)

─ Summary: these men are just trying to take care of you so you're just theirs

─ Warnings: stalking, toxic behaviors, obsession, yandere stuff

Part one / Part three / Part four / Part five

@simpingfor-wakasa, @luno-614 did you want the second part? here it is!! 🫂

You sighed leaving the shopping bags at the entrance of your house, turning on the lights in the living room while you carried the bags back to the kitchen, only before you could even take a step you screamed when you saw Mikey sitting on your sofa eating a cookie quietly.

"Holy fu-, do you want me to have a heart attack one of these days?"

You had not seen his figure before so it was normal for you to be scared, although in recent weeks you had had these intruders breaking into your house, you did not recriminate them for breaking into your home because they practically "spared" your life that day in which they kidnapped you, yet the Bonten leader kept insisting that you should stay with them in their headquarters because the city was full of predators who could take advantage of the likes of you.

"You know that you still have time to come with us."

You had denied his offer by active and passive but nothing seemed to make Mikey reason, he didn't want to resort to kidnapping because he had already experienced that look from you once when you found him binging on the cookies you had made for everyone, of course he didn't want to share them, he snuck into your house at night so that they would only be his. Receiving that look of disapproval and disappointment made his heart sink, as if he were a kicked and scolded cat.

They had discovered that threats ─even if they were empty─ were useless against you, you had lived long enough for that kind of thing to affect you and you already had some loved ones waiting in the other world, besides, no matter how sadistic Sanzu was, he flatly refused that none of the other executives could even think of raising their hand to you or thinking of torture to make you bow down to them.

So Kakucho was the one who discovered that the best thing they could do to 'protect' you was blackmail, well, he thought it would work out considering that you didn't deny helping them whenever they came to your house looking for comfort or help, but you weren't an idiot. They were men old enough to take care of themselves, besides being criminals.

“Mikey, really, I don't know why I'm not six meters underground yet, I appreciate that, but I like my ordinary life."

Of course, Kokonoi offered you countless kinds of luxuries to try to take you into a comfortable life with them, which you refused just the same. Mikey got up walking towards the kitchen where you were placing the purchase, an action that was completely interrupted when the man hugged you, letting his face rest against your back.

"It's not fair… why can't you accept it? we just want you to be safe, I- I need you by my side, I want you to pay attention to me!"

And there he is… you didn't know Mikey's personality when he acted like a leader everyone feared, but next to you he was like a spoiled attention-seeking kid who throws a tantrum if he doesn't get what he wants. You turned so that his head rested on your chest, tightening your embrace a little and rubbing his back in circles, you had to push the atrocities these men engaged in very deep, but there was not much you could do about it either, it's not like if you could change their lives of crime, so as in all your life, swallow and follow the course of things, if these guys wanted your attention you were not going to deny it as long as they cut you out of their business and behave moderately around you.

"You don't need me seven days a week, twenty-four hours a day by your side, plus you always invade my apartment when you want."

He didn't respond to your words, he only clung to you more, almost squeezing you to get every last drop of your affection, Mikey knew he couldn't with your will to continue with your daily routine, but if that was going to continue like this the least he could do was spend as much time as possible with you.

Although as much as it bothers him, he is the leader and he has things to attend to, so he lets you have time with the others, much to his displeasure of course, he doesn't like to share very much, but he knows that you will scold him if he doesn't let the others have their time with you. Takeomi was in charge of making a schedule, taking into account your work hours and even leaving you one day off so that you had privacy and peace, although on those days off Rindou or Sanzu would surely escape to see you even though they weren't allowed to.

Kakucho would always accompany you when you had to cook, before you only had to make food for yourself, and now you find eight grown men clamoring for your homemade food, you appreciated the boy's help and he was more than happy to hear your praise about how well he cook, oh boy, Kaku's chest swells with joy every time you taste his food and you smile at him like a proud mother who has taught her son a new recipe that he has mastered perfectly. Although he doesn't show it as openly as the others, he yearns for your hugs in silence.

Kokonoi always accompanied you when shopping, this man will not let you spend a penny of your money while he is there, he makes sure that you don't lack for anything, although he is a bit annoyed that you refuse to buy stupidly expensive clothes, they just want to spoil you for everything you do for them, even if you don't even realize that your simple actions drive them crazy.

Mochi is undoubtedly the one that stalks you the most, he has to make sure that no creep gets too close, if this happens he will be calling Ran to find out information about that person and they will immediately contact Sanzu to eliminate them. After all you only need them and other people are harmful to you, of course they will still let you keep your close friends and family because they make you happy, and they wouldn't do anything wrong with you, unless they do, when someone close to you does something to you that they don't like, they will comfort you after that person died mysteriously or in an 'accident'.

Which happened… it had to happen, it was a friend you made relatively recently, just a few months before Sanzu collapsed at the door of your house that dawning. You felt comfortable with him and you got closer quite quickly, although you usually used to communicate more by messages than face to face, you always made time to go out one day, the Bonten men controlled all the people you interacted with, even if they were a simple supermarket clerk, if their tone were apathetic with you, they wouldn't last much longer in this world.

Just as they knew everyone you talked to, they knew about this man and they didn't like him one bit, they looked up information about him and Rindou found out that he was a filthy gambler who spent a few nights in brothels, had some history of violence and minimal arrests, it was enough. But the worst thing was the way he looked at you, Takeomi described it when he was following you secretly, his eyes looked at you with disgusting love when you only saw him as a good friend, that thing shouldn't even deserve a second of your time. Mikey asked you about him one day ─because he's a 'curious' boy and wanted to know things directly from you─ and they found out that this disgusting guy simply lied to you about his job and hobbies, although you already found out on your own and complained to him, he promised that he was trying to fix and run his life again, you accepted it by deciding to keep the friendship.

And the guy really started to straighten his life out a bit, but still… that look he gave you kept bugging your boys, plus if you got a partner your attention would get harder and harder to get and they weren't passing by. Even though you weren't interested in having a partner, it didn't convince them, that guy was going to make you feel uncomfortable because he planned to declare himself and you didn't feel the same, it was the breaking point and the end for him.

Today was your friend's funeral, not much in the mood to stay there any longer, you gave your condolences to the family and went home with tears running from your eyes, maybe he wasn't the best person but you still considered him a friend. When you got home, what you least expected was to see those eight men waiting impatiently for you, they knew it, they knew that you were a little more vulnerable now and they wanted to take advantage of that.

"Why is everyone here? Something has happened? I'm not going to launder money or hide weapons here if you want any of those favors."

You wiped your tears leaving your jacket on the coat rack, the first to approach you was Mikey, murmuring your name as he dragged you to the sofa.

"We just had a bad feeling, are you okay?"

"Oh…"

They acted worried even though it hurt to see your tears, a little upset because they were tears for that scum, but now they wanted to focus on making you feel better in their arms. Mikey self-proclaimed your lap as his seat, passing his arms around your shoulders, resting his head on your chest to listen to the sound of your heart, the rhythm of your pulsations was too relaxing and addictive for him. Ran and Rin were on either side of you, clinging to your arms, Sanzu and Kokonoi sat on the ground, leaning their foreheads against your knees, hugging your legs while Kakucho stood up comfortingly stroking your head. Mochi and Takeomi looked askance as they all clung to you without giving them space to do so as well.

Takeomi was not one to go against his leader's orders, however, he would take it upon himself to limit Mikey's time with you just by taking up so much of your time.

"Okay guys, I don't feel half of my body."

You asked to be released because you began to stop feeling your arms, which had fallen asleep due to the iron grip of the Haitani, reluctantly everyone released you or gave you your necessary space.

"Are you feeling better?"

Kakucho asked without stopping massaging your scalp, you let out a shaky breath, you had already had your fill of crying all morning and you had barely eaten anything, you nodded closing your eyes, feeling tired from all the emotions released today.

"Yes, thank you very much guys, I love you."

You muttered without taking into account the weight of those words on the criminals, they all froze, planning to crush you in a desperate embrace right then and there if the rumbling of your stomach didn't stop them. Your cheeks began to take on a slight pinkish tint, cause of embarrassment, they were usually the ones who came to you to be fed, their guts rumbling, but not you.

"So I guess we're ordering food?"

Koko already had his phone ready to call the most expensive restaurant in the city, you knew what he was planning to do so you got up and gently took the phone from him, denying it.

"No, I can do something quick."

"Okay, we can do something quick."

You smiled sweetly at Kakucho for offering to help, receiving death glares at his cunning, Mikey immediately jumped up grabbing onto your leg, pouting like a complete child.

"I can help too."

"Mikey… I would like you to help too, but last time you burned my pan."

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annaholak · 2 years

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Wyrd Sisters Abroad

For this year's inktober I'm reimagining the three Lancre coven members, from Sir Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels, as modern day witches (and sending them on a trip to America).

So let me introduce you to:

Gytha "Nanny" Ogg (canon version)

Gytha is the optimist of the coven. She has buried three husbands (and that’s just the official count), she has fifteen children, innumerable grandchildren, an evil cat named Greebo, and only one tooth. She likes smoking her pipe, eating, drinking, playing her banjo while taking her bath, and singing (mostly “the Hedgehog Song” and “A Wizard’s Staff has a Knob on the End”). She always checks under her bed before going to sleep in the hope that there might be a man hiding under it (you never know…).

And:

the reimagined Gytha "Nanny" Ogg

Don't let her pink velour tracksuit fool you; she’s not one of the working out types of octogenarians (in fact she doesn’t do anything tiring if she can help it) - but she does like to be comfy (and maybe a little bit sexy - though she probably wouldn’t admit that). Her sneakers were chosen by one of her many grandchildren and “they’re red because Nana likes red and they have stars on them because Nana is MAGIC!”. Her witch’s hat has a red ribbon on it because she does indeed like red. Not pictured is her foul-tempered, evil-smelling, one-eyed cat Greebo whom, despite all evidence to the contrary, Nanny considers to be a sweet, harmless kitten.

Esmerelda (Esme) "Granny" Weatherwax (canon left, reimagined right)

Esme is the most intimidating of the coven. She is very confident in her abilities. When she says that something is impossible she usually means “for anyone except herself”. Accordingly she is not a good loser (she hasn’t had much practice); from her point of view, losing is something that happens to other people. She’s never scared of walking through a dark forest because she knows that the most terrifying thing in it is herself. Her implicit belief that everything should get out of her way extends to other witches, very tall trees and, on occasion, mountains. Despite being an extremely powerful witch, she prefers to use headology instead of actual magic whenever possible; she is a firm believer in giving people what they need, not what they want. She is Good and she is Right, but she's not Nice. She is feared and respected, but generally not liked.

In canon she is the most "traditionally" dressed of the three Lancre witches: all black, simple dress, sturdy boots, tall witch's hat fastened to her tight bun with hatpins, and the occasional vest. Her goal is to look as much of a witch (and as intimidating) as possible.

In the reimagined version she is still dressed in all black but I opted for a different kind of intimidating-older-woman style: the ageing punk rock virgin with the evil stare.

And last but not least:

Magrat Garlick (canon version)

Magrat's name is an accident; her mother wanted to name her Margaret, but didn't know how to spell it. She is the youngest member of the Lancre coven, and the least confident in her magical abilities (probably the reason why she rarely wears her witch’s hat - instead she prefers to wear glamorous green dresses that would suit more curvy figures than hers, and slightly wilted flower crowns on her unruly hair). She also has a huge collection of occult jewellery, is a vegetarian, and believes in folk songs and the Cycles of Nature. She is the most bookish of the three witches and an excellent herbalist - something even Granny Weatherwax (who usually calls her a “wet hen”) reluctantly admits. In “Witches Abroad” she inherits a Fairy Godmother wand, but is unable to master it; the only effect she is able to produce with it is turning things into pumpkins.

And:

the reimagined Magrat Garlick

As a vegetarian on a quest to save Mother Earth, she wears clothes made of natural fibers, vegan sandals, and reusable tote bags. She’s also wearing a witch’s hat (purely because I couldn’t resist the aesthetic appeal), but it’s dark green instead of the traditional black and the shortest one of the group. She still has a soft spot for crystals and magical jewellery though. She wears an ankle bracelet with tiny bells on it (she finds the soft tinkling weirdly soothing).

#I had fun with these #wish me luck with inktober #usually all hell breaks loose whenever I start a drawing challenge #discworld #fanart #gnu terry pratchett #witches #inktober2022

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adultish-momma · 1 year

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Lunchtime Disagreements

Yuu and Ace get along for some very specific reasons. Unfortunately for Riddle, he is about to find out one of the things they have in common.

(Yuu on the other hand, has had a rough week. They woke up and chose violence. They will not be apologizing.)

A/N: Hi :)

Rule number 271: One must leave the table within 15 minutes of completing their lunch

"Yeah that's not going to happen."

Every Heartslabyul student around their lunch table seems to freeze, anxiously watching red rise to their housewarden's cheeks. Yuu on the other hand settles deeper into their seat, the picture of indolence. Grimm, always down for mischief, hops onto the tabletop, moving the empty Ramshackle lunch trays to the side so he can comfortably turn into a cat loaf in the smack middle of everybody. He shoots a satisfied shit-eating grin up at Riddle Rosehearts, delighting in the frustrated expression on the young man's face.

"Excuse me?"

The Ramshackle prefect finishes off their burger, and then calmly turns to give Riddle Rosehearts their full attention.

"Thanks for the suggestion, but I'm good. Thanks but no." The prefect shoots the housewarden a polite smile before sipping on their carbonated beverage. The redhead blinked, thrown off by the other student's nonchalance of the subject.

"Suggestion... you can't just... the rules-"

"Are completely asinine, let alone inefficient and inapplicable to our current situation." They take another long sip of their drink while the older boy grows steadily redder.

"ASININE?!!"

"Mm-hmm" they hummed, bobbing their head in casual acknowledgment. Calmly setting down their drink, they raised their hand so they could count off for the Heartslybul Housewarden. "One, I am not a Heartslybul student. Therefore, your word is not my law."

Ace was trying very hard to hide his snickers at Riddle's grinding teeth. (He wasn't trying at all honestly but if anybody asks he's going to stick with his story thank you very much.)

"Two, this is not the Heartslybul dorm. There is no polite societal convention that demands I attempt to follow your dorm rules in the neutral territory that is the cafeteria."

Riddle now resembles a tomato, hair blending in with the color of his face. Deuce and Cater exchange nervous glances.

"Three, my next class is alchemy, and according to the time, the Alchemy Lab won't be open for at least 30 more minutes. So instead of staying here and, oh I don't know, getting ahead on my alchemy readings, you want me to leave. And do what, exactly?"

Trey was sweating in his seat. Tentatively, he reached out to the Ramshackle prefect, hoping to make this conversation just stop. "Hey, okay, I think you made your-"

"I'm not finished" they snapped, whipping around to glare at the Vice Warden's outstretched hand. When it dropped back to Trey's side, they turned back to the dorm leader. Riddle was seething, face so red that steam was quite literally going to rise from his face if someone poured water on him. And honestly, at this point, Yuu was kinda pissed too. So when Riddle opened his mouth to take advantage of the pause in their tirade, they stood up and crowded into his space, not willing to let this go until they said their piece.

"Your precious rules are more often than not completely senseless. Name me one benefit, one productive result, one good reason why rule 271 should be followed in every scenario, regardless of circumstance, and I'll take it all back."

They paused, to give Riddle a chance to rebuke them. They didn't pause longer than a second, but let the record show they did pause.

"You can't, can you? Because there are none. There is no good reason for your out-of-pocket rule. That's because it's an insane rule created by an insane woman."

"OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!"

Students wearing rose-red armbands flinched in the courtyard, frantically searching for where their leader could be. It was a fearful response, fueled by the sheer anger they heard in his voice, but they were also curious about exactly what moron was capable of upsetting their mini tyrant so immensely. The Heartslybul students in the courtyard soon figured that since he wasn't in sight, Riddle must be tearing into someone still in the cafeteria. There was collective relief, but those students also sent up a collective prayer for the poor soul on the other side of their housewarden's unique magic.

Meanwhile, inside there's a flash where the freshman prefect was standing, bright light taking its time to dissipate from their silhouette. When it does, the cafeteria is silent, shock settling heavily in the atmosphere. Riddle, who had still been as red as his namesake, rapidly began to pale at the sight before him.

Yuu stretched their neck, with no collar on them to impede the motion. They slouched back into their seat, reaching over to begin petting Grimm behind his ears. The creature's body is forced to relax under the careful touches, his tense posture melting back into a content cat loaf. The prefect themselves are pretty content with the way this argument turned out, although... one last nail in the coffin couldn't hurt his ego any more than they already have.

"I don't have any magic Housewarden Rosehearts. 'Off With Your Head' is useless against me where there is nothing for your spell to contain. So if you want to effectively throw a tantrum next time I'm verbally kicking your ass..." Their eyes locked onto his stormy grey eyes, a small, conspiratorial smirk tugging at the corner of their lips.

"You're gonna need to turn that collar into a muzzle."

#twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland #rewrite au #twisted wonderland riddle #twst riddle #twst riddle x reader #twisted wonderland riddle x reader #next time riddle uses 'off with your head' on yuu is during his overblot #and it absolutely is a muzzle #also hi hello #i might possibly be back #haven't decided yet #Mirrors are Never to be Trusted

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dazaiandhislovelybandages · 1 year

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Comfort {Sebastian Michaelis}

A/n: So obviously I didn't write this now, it's actually part of one of my ✨️unfinished✨️books and it has nothing to do with Sebastian. But in honour of black butler season 4 announcement I thought I should post a little something. Obviously I know we know nothing about his past. Keep in mind that this takes place while Sebastian was still human. Anyways Enjoy

Pairings: Sebastian Michaelis x fem!reader

Warnings: gossiping, bad mouthing, hurt/comfort

“Good morning, my love.” Sebastian said and placed a soft kiss on your forehead. A kiss on his lips was what he received in return before diving in the breakfast you had so kindly prepared for him. “Have you eaten?”

“I ate on my way back here. I bought three croissants.”

“I suppose you went to the bakery near your house?” You took a deep breath before answering. That was when Sebastian knew something was wrong.

“No, actually I went to the bakery near the church.” His eyes farrowed at the sound of that.

“The church is further from here than your house. Why?”

When you didn’t meet his stare, he set the trait aside, at the black wooden nightstand and with his right hand, made you turn your head to face him. You still averted his gaze though.

Sebastian could see the pain and anger in your eyes. He had to learn what had happened!

“Love?” you didn’t respond. “(y/n) look at me.” He took your hand, gently pulling you close so that your face was at the same level with his. Still, you hesitated.

Sebastian let his eyes travel to Othelo, your cat, who was now trying to reach the food trait.

“People are scared of us, Sebastian.” You whispered when he wasn’t looking.

His heart sank at the words. He knew that it would get to this point someday, but hearing it from your own lips was still painful.

His family, even though they were rich and bearing a very important title, didn’t have a good reputation in the village. Whispers and gossip didn’t mean anything to him. He had gotten used to them after having to deal with them throughout his entire childhood. Sometimes he even wondered why your family even let you play with him as kids.

Of course the main route of the problem was that damned cemetery. His grandfather had built their estate behind the cemetery for an unknown reason to him. That was the reason why most of the villagers called him and his late parents ‘The Haunted Family’. It had followed Sebastian and his family for as long as he could remember. Despite the wealth and power that his family held, they were always considered outsiders in the village. They lived in isolation, away from the rest of the community, and few people dared to cross the threshold of their grand estate.

But even though their neighbours kept their distance, they couldn't avoid the gossip and malicious rumours that circulated throughout the village. Some claimed that the estate was built on top of ancient burial grounds, and that the spirits of the deceased walked the halls at night. Others whispered that the family was cursed, and that any visitors who stayed too long would be haunted by the ghosts of past residents.

Sebastian knew that none of it was true. He had lived there since he was a baby and nothing scary had happened. It was pure superstition.

Still, he couldn't help but wonder why his grandfather had chosen to build the estate so close to the cemetery. It was a strange decision, and one that had only brought trouble to their family. Sebastian knew that he couldn't change the past, but he could ensure that the future was different. He would never allow anyone to treat his future wife the same way his family had been treated for generations. He would break the cycle of fear and superstition that had plagued the ‘Haunted Family’ for too long.

“They don't trust us. They think we're... dangerous.”

He drew you closer, holding you in his arms. “Don't listen to them,” he whispered. “We are happy together and that is all that matters.”

You nodded, resting your head against his chest. You felt safe and protected in his arms, and that was all that mattered. Sebastian would always be there to protect and support you, and together you could face anything.

But no matter his warm embrace, the anger was still there. No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t get the image of the ladies in the bakery whispering about you out of your mind. You would never forget the way this mother with her little son crossed the street the moment they saw you walking next to them.

You had a vague idea of what this was about but the truth was that you didn’t care. You were simply angry and a small voice inside you screamed to let those people know that you were everything they whispered about. Just to see what would happen if you proved them right.

A witch.

The cursed wife.

Yet you said nothing. You just kept on walking with your back straightened and a cold expression on your face. And when it was time for you to open the cemetery gate, you turned around, raising a brow at the small group of women who followed you.

There was a pause, as if you were weighing the wisdom of speaking. “They say the screams of the ones who died due to the disease can be heard at night.” You didn’t know why you had said that, it wasn’t true, but a small smirk made its way on your face the moment you saw the terrified expressions on their faces.

“(Y/n)?” Sebastian’s voice snapped you back to reality. “You look quite pale, love.”

“Hold me a little longer, Sebastian… please.” You responded right away, not wanting your beloved husband to get a better look at the angry look in your eyes. “Sebastian…” You finally whispered and raised your head to look at him. He gently rubbed your back as he held you close. “I'm sorry,” you whispered. “It's just... the things they say about me, about us, Sebastian. I can't let it get to me, but it feels like it's eating me up inside.”

Sebastian didn't speak, he just continued to hold you close, offering a silent comfort that only he could give. But you didn’t mind.

“Don’t apologise, love. You are the kindest person I know. The most beautiful woman I have ever met and the smartest one. You are not what they say you are, you will never be.”

You leaned your head against his shoulder, feeling a sense of calmness wash over you. You took a deep breath, inhaling his familiar scent, and then you finally allowed herself to relax in his arms.

For a moment, you forgot about the rumours and the whispers. Instead, you focused on the warmth of his embrace, on the steady beat of his heart, and the comfort of his love.

The sound of his heartbeat was all that mattered to you at the moment. And it was all you could hear until Othello began meowing. You and Sebastian broke your hug and looked at the small kitten who was desperately trying to get between you.

“What does he want now?” Sebastian sighed, trying to hide the adoration for the small kitten.

You chuckled and leaned over to pick up the small kitten. “I think he wants attention.” You said, as Othello purred contentedly in your arms.

#writing #anime and manga #anime #black butler #sebastian michaelis #sebastian michaelis x reader #sebastian black butler #sebastian black butler x reader #sebastian x reader #black butler x reader #sebastian michaelis x y/n #black butler sebastian #black butler sebastian x reader

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exocynraku · 5 months

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Okay listen, who’s your LEAST favorite warrior cat? Give me the Ted Talk on why they’re the Worst please

a lot of the characters i dislike i dislike because they had a GREAT concept and it was executed BAD or in a way i didn't like. specifically, i'll highlight lionblaze. he's probably not my LEAST favourite of all time but he's one i very much dislike I believe more could have been done with his power & the fact he trained in the dark forest. that is the sole reason i dislike him. is because so little was done with that. What I would've liked is seeing his time in the dark forest change him as a person and thru tigerclaw & hawkfrost's will have him kill more people both in the dark forest (he only killed shredtail) and outside of the dark forest (he only killed russetfur and harestar). He would have had to sit with these deaths and understand that his ability is both a blessing and a curse. He may be destined to fight during the great battle using his ability to prevent the fall of the clans but what point would it make it so many innocent need to die from him in the process? he should shut himself off cast himself away and become a shell of who he was. He would've had to sit with the fact that the sole purpose of his existence as one of the three was to hurt others. that is his power. to physically harm others and to mentally scar the ones who lives and the family & friends of those he has killed.

That is why starclan chose for lion's roar to be reborn. this is why he could not have spent his days as the person he used to be. He has killed people and that is what he has to live with. But at the same time, his views on the world changed during his time in the dark forest. There is life after death. What point is there in fearing death if you know there is something afterwards? When there is life after death, death is an escape. Similarly, his knowledge of starclan has changed his views. How could the cats he's killed hold a grudge to him if starclan is so wonderful? so grand, so powerful. you can see those who you know who've passed on and learn the stories of those long forgotten. In his world, death is new life. When you die and join the ranks of starclan, you are just a measly speck of thousands of warriors who've come and gone. Death is an opportunity to live a new life. So what do those who he has killed have to fear? have to be mad at him for? they may lose those who are still alive, but they will join them eventually. but, there are no answers to these questions. they are subjective, grand and have no definitive answer. the answers he decides on will be entirely different than the people's around hims. and this is what he is going to have to live with. his life is rhetorical. His powers had meaning, but after the great battle he loses that. so who is he? well, he is cat who is loud and brash. quick to make an a opinion and unafraid to speak his opinion on another person. he is a cog in the machine of clan life, hunting, sleeping, mating, mentoring, it's the same every day now. someone else is chosen for prophecy. the purpose for his existence is gone now. he's just someone who exists. someone who does things, but doesn't exactly understand why. he yells at others and scowls at them, he sits on the sidelines watching cats like bristlefrost, rootspring, shadowsight, twigbranch, violetshine, and frostpaw as their lives move on. they are similar to him, not exact, in a way that starclan is watching them more than they are watching the rest of the clans. he wants that attention, he wants that feeling again. he is jealous of them. he goes about his days after the great battle as someone who has been scarred from his time alive. he is rude and loud, menacing, his physical scars a remnant of the person he used to be- the person who was destined for greatness. the scars he has now are twisted, a scourge on his skin as they show the person he has become as he has lost purpose. he has thousands of questions, and hundreds of thousands of subjective answers. no one is there to answer them. the life he has lived is one he will have to life with until he dies. that is the cat i wished for lionblaze to be. while he has his powers, he doesn't understand the morality around why he has them and how they shape him as a person, but after he loses them he doesn't how to continue living without a purpose. he knows nothing of the world and nothing of himself, but he KNOWS that, and he sits with that. these concepts, these ideas, the answers to his questions he has come up with sit inside him and fester, showing themselves to the world every time he yells at one of his friends and hurts someone during battle. he is an angry man. he is an angry man who hurts other people not out of malice but out of yearning for meaning. that is what i want out of lionblaze's character. but, that's not what they did with him, and that's why i dislike him.

#warrior cats #wc #lionblaze #long post #ray talk

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ilikekidsshows · 3 months

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What do you think of the argument that Marinette keeps secret to benefit others while Adrien keeps secrets out of selfishness?

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I think Adrien salters are so infected by bad faith criticism that Adrien could sneeze and they would claim he was just trying to get sympathy by faking an illness. Adrien can't do anything without them taking the worst possible interpretation and running with it. I also think that they have Adrien and Marinette confused. Adrien is the abuse victim who has been taught that his feelings don't matter while Marinette is the control freak in pigtails. Adrien lies because he has been taught to lie, while Marinette lies because her biggest fear is feeling uncomfortable for the 10 minutes it would take to explain the truth.

But, let's play a game of pretend. Let's pretend Marinette is a pure saint who only ever lies to bring happiness to others and never for her own gain. It still wouldn't matter. The argument has never been: “did Marinette lie for the right reasons?” It's always been: “did she have a right to lie?” and the answer is, unless you're a victim-blaming ghoul, a resounding “Fuck no!” Marinette’s good intentions don’t actually help any of the people she lies to, because things they have a right to know and that they need to know so that they can make informed decisions are being kept from them, by Marinette. The people defending her can’t even give any reasons for why the “logic” of her lies is sound, because they just make vague comments about the secrecy being “more secure” without giving any examples why Cat Noir knowing the two-man team is now a three-man team, there’s a potential backup Ladybug and who their allies are is such a security risk.

As I said, there is no point in arguing over selfless or selfish lies because that's not what the discussion is about. It's about lying about things the other person has a right to know. Marinette is not entitled to Adrien's personal life, any of the conversations he’s ever had about her or every thought he’s ever had, even if they’re negative thoughts about her, but Adrien, however, is entitled to know what the fuck is happening in the team he’s in. He’s entitled to know his father was a supervillain. And he’s definitely entitled to know that he's a remote control robot and his cousin can now snap him out of existence whenever he wants. Marinette causes problems by lying and no amount of good intentions will fix that. In fact, the good intentions make it worse, because now her victims feel like they have to give her a free pass because “she didn’t mean to hurt anybody”. Maybe people should get mad at her for once and maybe she’d stop being like this. Because Marinette lies constantly over the most inconsequential shit, so it’s not surprising she lies about the actually important shit too.

Because, like, let's not kid ourselves here; Marinette’s lies aren't within spitting distance of selfless. Marinette lies to avoid feeling uncomfortable, because the truth makes her uncomfortable or makes her look bad. This is consistent with her lies as both a hero and a civilian. Her reasons for lying include not wanting to deal with Chloé's reaction to being told she was off the hero team, not wanting to explain to Cat Noir that she isn’t the independent, perfect leader she portrays and actually buckled under the pressure and made Rena a permanent team member to take off some of the load, wanting to sabotage a girl who has a crush on Adrien so that they don't get to spend time together, lying about deleting the most important video Alya had filmed in her career as an amateur journalist so far because she didn't want her to be upset at her, and trying to avoid a preschooler thinking she's cringe. There is no greater good here. If there's a pattern to Marinette's lies, it's not selflessness, it's her fragile ego.

#ml salt #ml fandom salt

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pinkrangersarah · 6 months

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some Fearless 7 hc's since i'm sailing this boat by myself

merlin

youngest of the group and arthur doesn't let him forget it, i speculate somewhere between 18, like snow, and 20.

shortest of the group, too, with jack only being an inch or two taller

is honestly the biggest baby and hates scary stories. will put on a brave face, though, especially in front of snow.

100% made up his own theme song at some point. you can't tell me a guy who says "you just got merlin'd" didn't also make up his own dumb theme song.

ambidextrous

hates stagnation. hates to be bored. always needs to be doing something.

arthur

the oldest of the group, 21 at the very least and maybe 24 or 25 at most.

also the tallest and strongest, but i honestly think that's just canon.

puts on that tough guy, macho act, but tbh is really just the biggest softie. a giant teddy bear. gives the best hugs. probably cries during cheesy soap operas and rom coms.

also kind of a baby when it comes to scary stuff. lowkey competes with merlin by mocking him to see who's the most scared.

jack

second youngest, second shortest, but honestly the most mature out of the group. lowkey the mom friend.

scariest temper. is honestly pretty relaxed and doesn't get angry often (irritated and annoyed with the antics of the others a lot though), but when it does happen it will put the fear of god into anyone there to witness it. the triplets are the only ones to have yet to be subjects of his wrath.

has 100% used the invisibility cloak to mess with roommates, typically when they've been annoying and he's feeling exceptionally petty.

has dirt on everybody. no one can prove he's eavesdropping but it is strongly suspected. how else can he hold merlin's theme song over his head?

reads trashy romance novels.

hans

second oldest, second tallest, and the second most mature despite his bumbling and naivety. highkey the mom friend.

the house would literally fall apart if he wasn't around. jack might be a tad bit more mature, but it's jack's indifference that sets them apart. hans is the "should we stop them, we should stop them" to jack's "not yet i want to see how this plays out".

second scariest temper, though. no one has actually yet to see it, but the vibe is there and nobody wants to find out for sure.

is the sole reason why the triplets ever eat because they'll forget if he doesn't practically drag them out of their workshop.

pino, noki, and kio

younger than arthur and hans, but older than merlin and jack. definitely no younger than 20.

no preservation skills whatsoever. very "will leap before looking if there's a lure of scientific excitement". curiosity killed the cat and it'll probably kill them one of these days--if hans and/or jack weren't around to stop them.

different heights if you look closely, but all three are taller than merlin and jack. only one of them is about the same height as hans.

are fairly content in their dwarf bodies! the height change is an inconvenience at most, though they rarely notice since they're hardly ever apart.

at least one of them has found and read jack's trashy romance novels and he isn't sure which one. they won't tell him and lowkey enjoy watching him squirm.

also hate stagnation, being bored. they're always doing something. at least one of them jiggles their legs when they're sitting down.

#i recently convinced my sister to watch it #i have trapped another in my web #soon i'll be unstoppable #red shoes and the seven dwarfs #red shoes merlin #red shoes arthur #red shoes jack #red shoes hans #red shoes pino noki and kio

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igotanidea · 1 year

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You're losing me : Nikolai Lanstov x f!reader

Based on Taylor Swift song "You're losing me" (I used some lyrics, all credit goes to the queen :) : Reader agreeing to nikolai's plan about marrying alina but when he married alina they started growing apart and she could sense it but nikolai was too busy (with alina?) to realize so she talked to nikolai and he did listen but he still did nothing.

I changed the "marrying" part to simple enagagement, since they never really married.

Sorry it took to long, hope you'll like it @cat-of-nightmares @marsconer

***

„I don’t understand.” He said

„I know you don’t.” she sighed deeply, facing the window and looking outside not ready to look him in the eyes. She knew exactly what was hidden inside them. Pain. Fear. Confusion. And endless amount of love, regardless of the situation they found themselves in.

“Y/N…..”

“It’s fine Nikolai. It really is fine. I shouldn’t be here anyway. I got a commander meetings to attend to in a few minutes and given the fact I am presiding I really cannot be late…..” she moved towards the door but he grabbed her wrist and spun her around.

“Come on, I deserve better than this.” He pleaded for any explanation on her side “tell me.”

“Kolya…. You should know by yourself…..”

“Is this because of me getting engaged to Alina? Why bring it up now? You knew the plan all along. It’s not like I left you in the dark….” He took a step forward, fighting to meet her gaze, but she wasn’t the one to relent easily instead turning her head away. And that stung.

“Yes, I did, I knew. But what I didn’t expect was for you to grow so …. distant towards me. I know things changed between us and we cannot be as close as before, but you barely speak to me. You avoid me. You always find something to keep yourself busy. It’s like I can’t even get within ten feet from you because you just keep running.“

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, Nikolai. You do. How can you not see it?” she managed to say with the broken voice “tell me, why do I have to ask for an official audience with you? Why do I have to use my position as commanding officer to get five minutes of your time? It…. hurts….”

“Y/N…..” he run hand through his hair in frustration, messing them up and Y/N had to fight the urge to fix his blond curls up . As if royal life and choices he was forced to make wasn’t hard enough, now, to addition, he was losing her. And the worst part was that, he didn’t even realize his behavior until she pointed it out to him. “I’m sorry, love. I truly am. Please, don’t leave.” He took a step forward and grabbed her hands in his, caressing her skin gently and lovingly. “Just stay.”

“Give me a reason to, Nikolai.” she whispered “cause Saints, I don’t want to go, but if you keep doing what you’re doing…….”

“I won’t. Promise.” His right hand found a way up her arm, brushed over her shoulder and ended cupping her cheek, thumb running over the soft, smooth skin three. “I want you with me. Don’t ever feel differently.”

“You want me as who?” a single tear fell down her face “cause we both know that what we had before is gone since you got engaged. So…. who am I to you now?”

“You are…..” everything – was what he tried to say, but the amount of pain and fear on her face made his heart clench and he just couldn’t manage a single word. Instead he just stuttered. The silence lasted for too long and that made her wriggle out of his embrace. ‘Please….”

“I really have to go, Nikolai. Like I said, meeting.”

“Are you denying the prince?” he smirked, trying to get back to his usual smugness, but was too desperate to succeed at that.

“I don’t think that was an official request. Or was it? Were you asking as a royalty or as …..”

“I still love you. I swear. I’ll do better if that’s what you need. I promise. I don’t want to be apart from you.” he almost cried those words out, reaching for her waist and pulling her close to him, cradling her head and stroking her hair.

“Ok.” She whispered, not pulling back from the shelter she had in his arms “I hold you to your words.” The smallest, almost unnoticeable smile showed on her face, lightening up her eyes. Their intertwined fingers brushed over each other’s once more before she moved towards the door, now really late for the meeting. “See you later?”

“Always.” He gulped.

He was losing her.

***

That conversation took place three weeks ago.

And for a moment he really was acting better, finding more time for Y/N, who was still trying to figure out how to act in the new situation. Who to be and how to reconcile her duties as a second army officer, subject to Nikolai and her broken heart.

When they were kids, Nikolai and Y/N they had those big, fairytale plans. They wanted to be together no matter what, and foolishly believed that a fantasy could be made a reality. But he was a prince and in his own words, being himself( and therefore doing what he wanted) was a luxury he couldn’t usually indulge in. And that only got worse once Vasily was murdered and Nikolai was about to be crowned and rule Ravka as a king. And amongst other things, that meant getting engaged to the sun summoner only to ensure safety of Ravka.

And it hurt.

Y/N could easily understand his duties as a king. But what she could not comprehend was not taking her feelings into consideration at all. One day he just came out of nowhere advising her that he was engaged to Alina.

And that left her questioning herself for days.

Lonely days, filled with thoughts, burring herself with work and duties and simply keeping herself busy just to not think about the fact that despite his promise to act different, Nikolai still had zero time for her.

And she was tired of fighting. Her heart just couldn’t take it all and it felt like it was slowly giving up on her, not wanting to start, to beat anymore.

One sleepless night she was just wandering around the corridor of the palace unable to lay down and get any rest. Absentmindedly she followed the path she and Nikolai used to walk so many times before, in happier times. Times that seemed so far away now, almost like it was just a dream that never happened. She could still hear the echo of their voices, their careful steps in the middle of the night, when they were sneaking away from their rooms just to be together for a while more. Ironically, completely reverse situation than it was at the moment.

“Y/N…..” Nikolai would call her in another life, hugging her closely to his chest, swaying to the music he only heard inside his mind .

“Nikolai….” She would repeat, hearing her same melody he did

“don’t ever leave me.” His hand would find a way to her chin, lifting it up slightly, meeting her gaze

“I won’t. I’ll stay as long as you’ll want me.” She would whisper

“I’ll always want you.”

And then their lips would meet in the softest, gentlest kiss. There was no need for urgency, they had each other. For good and for worse. Everyone at the court knew, that Nikolai and Y/N were always together. They would hold each other tightly, basking in each other’s warmth and love and care. Pretty much nothing could come between them.

Well…..

Until not apparently and she just couldn’t stop the tears flowing down freely at the memories flooding her brain.

He promised to always want her, but now he was acting so cold and indifferent and always busy.

He was losing her.

***

“Y/N? Are you all right? You look so pale and thin……” Alina was the first one to notice Y/N’s sick look.

“Yes. Yes, I am perfectly fine, thank you.” she lied smoothly

“are you su….?”

“Yes, I am sure. I’ve just…. been thinking a lot lately….. and had some trouble sleeping that’s just it.”

“You worry too much, sunshine. You should relax a bit. How about you spend some time outside the palace? That can be easily arranged.” Nikolai chimed in with his characteristic smile and Y/N’s eyes grew wide. Was he really so oblivious or just simply stupid? How many hints could she possibly throw his direction for him to understand.

“Thank you, moi tsar…..”

“Not until the coronation.”

“…. however I don’t think that time off could fix what I’m suffering from.” she hissed, covering for the despair that crept into her heart. “seems like it’s something that cannot be healed. Now if you excuse me….” She curtsied and in a heartbeat left the chamber.

He was losing her.

***

“Moi tsar?” Genya entered the chamber when Nikolai was holding a meeting with the second army officers, Y/N included. Normally, no one would dare to interrupt so this had to be something really important.

“Yes, Genya?” he raised his blue eyes from the map, his gaze landing on Y/N for a moment before focusing on the tailor. “What happened?”

“The sun summoner requires your presence. Something about Darkling and the amplifier….”

“I’ll see to her immediately. Y/N, please continue without me.”

She barely found enough strength to nod. The fact was, that all that drama and broken heart was taking a heavy toll on her health. Her heart was getting weak, not only in a metaphorical sense but now also in a real, physical aspect. She was suffering from headaches and nausea and Nikolai just seemed to completely miss this.

But she was not going to show any sign of weakness, slowly getting up from her chair and taking Nikolai’s place at the top of the table. She knew well enough her position as a commander was being questioned and had to fight to keep it.

“As you can see, the plan is to attack Darkling and his army from the north side and …..” she started, her voice shaking.

“You sure you’re not messing up the directions?” one of the male commander threw spiteful words at her “no offence, but is your mental condition good enough to even be here?”

“I… how dare you?!”

“Oh, I dare. Everyone knows king Nikolai only keeps you here because of some old sentiment.”

“Really?” she mocked, trying her best to keep tough attitude “then why does he keep you?”

“’because I’m useful.” The man shrugged “you were only needed where you were warming king’s bed, but now that he got the sun summoner as a bride to be…..”

“watch your words!” she hissed, clenching her fists.

“Or what will you do little whore? It’s not like the King can protect you anymore. Seems like he does not care about you the same way he used to…”

“It’s not true….” She whispered

“Isn’t it?” the man mocked “when was the last time he paid attention to you? Hm? Oh, that’s right. He’s been omitting you even here, while consulting. And you, you little poor thing, though you were actually worth something?”

“I…..” she took a sharp inhale, gathering strength to defend herself but before any words were actually spoken, Nikolai voice chimed in from the entrance.

‘I think that is enough.” The tone suggested that he has been standing there for a moment and heard most of the exchange. He shot one look at Y/N, not sure how to behave.

Say something….she begged silently, her teary eyes fixed on his do something please, just let me know it’s not true. That you don’t think that. Just risk it, please…..

But he did nothing.

Instead, Alina, who was standing right next to him decided to put the commander in his place, not mincing her words, in a sun summoner style defending her friend.

He was losing her.

***

She had family in Ketterdam. Close family that would be more than happy to take her in for some time. And since she apparently had no future in the palace, no real friends, not Nikolai, nothing, the choice was obvious.

Three days after Nikolai’s inaction at the collocution she grabbed her bag, gathered most important things and under the cover of the night, went aboard the ship, leaving her hometown, leaving her past, leaving the people she thought cared about her. On one hand, she was free. Free from the pain, fear, heartache, from being a soldier on the frontline that was always fighting. On the other side, she knew that what she went through, how she was treated by the one man she loved with all her heart would leave a lasting scar.

But he didn’t choose her.

He was losing her.

And yet, still didn’t know that……

***

“Has anyone seen Y/N?” the next morning Nikolai was walking around the palace and its ground, asking everyone who happen to came across about the girl. He just couldn’t find her anywhere, even in her favorite places and uneasiness was slowly started to form in his chest. “Saints, please let her be all right…” he begged the skies. It was just so easy to imagine her lying somewhere, hurt or unconscious. Saints! Alina, Genya and Zoya were right when they were pointing out her bad health of late. He should have paid more attention to her. He swore to her to find time for her, to give her attention and only now Nikolai realized that for the last month and a half he did nothing to even come close to that promise.

“Moi tsar…..” one of the servant approached Nikolai’s distressed figure

“What is it?”

“There’s a letter for you…..”

“A letter?” Nikolai almost jumped, all possible crazy thoughts gathering in his mind. “From who?”

“If I were to guess, my king…… I would say, miss Y/N……”

“Give it to me.” Nikolai commanded, barely holding himself from going at the servant and extorting that piece of paper. “Now leave. I want to read it in silence.”

The servant rushed out and Nikolai, with shaking hands and rapidly beating heart struggled to open the envelope. What happened to her? Did Darkling kidnapped her? Was she hurt? Was she in pain? He shouldn’t even be standing her, while she might have been in danger…..

Well, the truth happened to be far worse than his imagination. And he found that out the second he finally managed to retrieve the words she wrote to him.

….. Every mornin', I glared at you with storms in my eyes

How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?

I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick

My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

And the air is thick with loss and indecision

I know my pain is such an imposition

Now, you're runnin' down the hallway

And you know what they all say

You don't know what you got until it's gone

The more his eyes moved on the lines, the wider his eyes were becoming. Breath hitched in his throat and the silent scream got muffled so that only the tiniest whimper got out. Once he read the last line, the letter fell from his hand and slowly landed on the carpeted floor. And the king fell to his knees, grabbing his head, looking like a mad man who just lost his mind, his heart, his soul. Utterly broken.

Stop, you're losin' me

I can't find a pulse

My heart won't start anymore

For you …….”

“Nikolai?” Alina came from the adjacent chamber and his disheveled state alarmed her instantly as she rushed to his side, grabbing his hands and holding them tightly, preventing Nikolai from hurting himself. “Nikolai, look at me, what happened?!”

But he couldn’t say a word, instead just leaning his head on the wall, closing his eyes and getting lost in his mind.

He lost her.

#nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov x you #shadow and bone imagine #nikolai lantsov angst #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone fanfiction #shadow and bone x you #shadow and bone netflix #shadow and bone x reader #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lanstov fiction

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vole-mon-amour · 9 days

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I don't know if I'll write this fully when I have the time and energy (depends), but I know that if I won't get it out of my system, I'll forget & I don't want that.

The short idea is: a body of water (a river or a big lake). A magical fruit tree whose trunk is fully leaning over the water, so the chances of shaking it really hard and getting the fruits are close to zero. The three grows several kinds of fruit at once: peaches, plums, apples, pears.

Halsin and Astarion have been on the road for several days. Halsin is hungry as hell, they're low on food and money (and the damn druid absolutely forbids any kind of stealing, and it's not like they've encountered a lot of people to steal from on their travelling). And here's the tree, right in front of them.

The catch is, not only can Halsin not climb the tree (he'll probably end up in the water, either out of his clumsiness or because one of the branches/trunk snap under Halsin's weight and size), but he is also magically wounded in a battle.

Why does it matter that he's magically wounded? Because he can't heal himself. No potions or spells he has tried worked, so the healing is very, VERY slow. So climbing the tree and picking the fruits himself is out of the question—dor the reasons of mentions above, for also out of fear to make the damage way worse.

So, we have Astarion that bravely climbs up the tree (doesn't even complain much, he'll do things for Halsin he didn't do before for anyone else—because he cares for him very much), picks enough food that lasts them (Halsin, because Astarion mostly feeds off Halsin's blood—his favourite meal/treat) for days. Then jumps down in the water, makes several in-and-out of the water while carrying the fruits in his shirt.

And all I can think about at that point is Astarion being a wet cat in this situation. Up the tree (he's the beauty, he's the grace; he also knows how to pick pockets, so this should be twice as faster and easier), in the water collecting the fruits (hair sticking to his forehead, a bit grumpy, sopping wet cat),getting out of the water (the clothes sticking to his entire body and it feels horrible), sitting next to Halsin—Halsin is in the shade, Astarion in the sunlight in his underwear while his dripping clothes are drying on the tree. He tried to squeeze the water out of it, but of course it's still dripping.

Halsin probably watches his attempts, then calmly offers a hand (even two) ("Let me help you with that") while also flirting and thanking Astarion in the process. It was a really nice thing that he did, considering he's still unsure of the water and it doesn't always feel nice.

I can also imagine Astarion either wanting to try and get dry in those soaking wet clothes (unsuccessfully, obviously) until Halsin suggests he takes the clothes off. Or having trouble removing the clothes/himself out of the clothes because it's clinging to his body, it's heavy, and he's already been in the water for long enough and he is now kind of overwhelmed. So Halsin helps him get rid of the clothes in his usual calm demeanor, squeezes as much water as he can and hangs it to dry.

And in a while, when Astarion's body is dry again, Halsin offers him a spare change of clothing. When Astarion refuses (hell wait for his clothes to dry, thanks very much), Halsin wraps him in a light blanket and makes him sit in that blanket until the clothes are dry—not only it's important to protect Astarion's pale sensitive skin from a possible sunburn, but to protect from getting sick. The wind, the cold lake water, and a burning sunlight can be a cruel and unpredictable mix on him and his well-being (assuming he can get a cold).

Also, I'm still 100% sure Astarion is a cat. So he acts like one, and Halsin is his well loved, loyal bear. And they're a very, very cute couple.

So.

Would anyone be interested in reading/drawing that? No writing that, please, I want to keep the idea for myself in case I do write it into a proper fic.

#halstarion #halsin #astarion #natiswriting #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #originally I thought that Halsin would shake the tree and Astarion would get the food from the water #and Halsin wouldn't be able to because he's seriously injured #but with the tree leaning over the water so there's no access to it #astarion just has to do it all himself #long post #just in case

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suzyblue0292 · 4 months

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Rewatch - Dead Boy Detectives S1E1 - The Case of Crystal Palace

We are introduced to Edwin guarding Charles or the boys guardian each other

The bickering

They are time cards not library cards.

Does the show often say one thing and show another? REVISIT

“Death will take us” v Death asking Wilfred if he is ready

The boxing scene is interesting given everything we learn about Edwin later - getting out of hell couldn’t have been easy he has to have more skill than Charles gives him credit for - or they want the audience to give him less credit

You are the brawn? - I feel like they want us to doubt the narrative.

We are presented with Crystal as a good person. (Aside from being American apparently). Again we are being told one thing so we are blindsided by the other.

The looks on the boys' faces when they observe Crystal.

We never see them as relaxed looking as they are in the office again.

Edwin knows how to knit.

Was there a debate over the disguises?

She has her purse and phone. Does the memory loss prevent her from reading her contacts/ID??

Charles does not hesitate to call Edwin on his BS - he also knows that Edwin is jealous (just not the exact nature of said jealousy) - but he said it himself during the boxing scene - he knows Edwin hates change - and the very first thing we see him doing in the next scene is defending Edwin to Crystal

This is also how we learn about the “Clerical error” - is this the extent of Charles’ knowledge or the best way he has to explain it?

We start to see the meaner side of Crystal but Charles' good nature still acts a deterrent from following that to a conclusion.

Charles’ admits that part of the reason its so good to talk to Crystal is because she’s living and his age - they probably don’t meet a huge amount of teenage ghosts - although I would guess they might have more unfinished business than most - I have a feeling its the living part that’s the biggest appeal

What is Edwin doing with the coffee??

Why are you warning Edwin about the cleaver, Charles?

Crystal is carrying a considerable amount of cash - but no cards?

Edwin gets them a clue quickly through mirror travel. - The Cat King and his little bracelet are quite the plot devices.

Why so rude to the cat Charles?

Also did the Crow not tip off the whole witch thing?

Crystal seems so young and vulnerable when she realizes the girls are staring.

Crystal’s mind is so desolate - all the broken picture frames - empty memories - the three eyeballs should have given it away though - “the third eye”

We know they can travel by mirror, and the normal way, but can ghosts travel through ether? How do they get in front of Crystal?

Poor Charles, no it’s not a competition but Crystal and Edwin are both terrified in their own right.

Every demonic case must be a nightmare for Edwin and now he realizes they didn’t get rid of the demon. He only knows how to express his fear in terms of case work though.

The flashback: Simon is so clearly reaching out, but Edwin is so clearly expecting to be bullied. And the shot of him marching against the flow of other students, bless.

Its also so heartbreaking that Edwin is terrified BEFORE there is any sign the demon sacrifice will work. God only knows what he thought those boys would do.

Five other boys died with Edwin and it seems like Sa ’al obliterates their bodies. Was there anything for the school to give the parents to bury? Just ashes? No wonder it was deemed an act of God. Six boys either vanished or reduced to ashes.

And no wonder the memory drives Edwin to recklessness.

Jenny laying down the hard truth.

“I get angry. It's like knowing you have a home but being unable to get there.” Poster child speaks to poster child.

Yeah, I totally thought Niko was going to be the love interest.

Why never tell Edwin? Because he really can’t go home?

I try to be extra happy for all of us. - Oh Charles.

And now the boy who was dragged to hell learns that Crystal chose her demon. Ouch.

Edwin isn’t just yelling at Crystal. He’s reminding Charles too. “You are sharp and fun, but this isn’t a game.”

They are such vulnerable children, and then so cute as they plot.

Poor Jenny. She doesn’t doesn’t even get paid teacher’s wages for this shit.

Edwin does a good job of actually telling Crystal the stakes with the plastic girl bit. She might be cottoning on.

Charles is comforting Crystal, but holding Edwin.

Note that Charles doesn’t roll his eyes or dispute “and we’re punishing you.” After Edwin’s outburst and Crystal’s confession his loyalties seem to have tipped back a bit.

Why doesn’t it trip Edwin that Esther left her kettle on? It worried me from word go.

Again, Charles is the brawn but Edwin is the one checking out the weird witch’s lair.

So many fucking shoes.

I love Esther. I know I shouldn’t but….

Can Charles actually understand the Crow?

Edwin has such poor form, but he does as well as Charles when it comes down to it.

Round 1 of Esther underestimating Crystal

Edwin goes straight to help Crystal, despite his concern for Charles possessing Esther.

Okay was anyone else expecting that kid to get mowed down crossing the street?

Oh Charles, counting your chickens to soon is a bad idea.

It’s interesting that Charles possessing someone sets off an alarm for them both - this must not be the first time they’ve tangled with the afterlife for them to have a joint file.

#dbda #charles rowland #edwin payne #crystal palace #niko sasaki #jenny green #the night nurse #esther finch #dead boy detectives #payneland #dead boy detectives rewatch #suzyblue0292 rambles

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hxjikonn · 2 years

Note

HI HIIII CONGRATS ON YOUR 143 FOLLOWERS OR MILESTONE??? IDK WHICH ONE I SHOULD USE FOR THIS IM SORRY 😭

May i request a long fic comfort with Azul ashengrotto, with Reader who has been hiding their true feelings from everyone and even observant person can’t tell if they’re hiding it or not and tend to avoid certain question, because they’re used to be not hear out/has experience their problems spread around school(perhaps), pls?

IM SORRY IF THIS TOO MUCH BUT REALLY NO PRESSURE FOR YOU DOING THIS—I JUST WANT TO MAKE MYSELF CRY HARDER AND I LOVE YOUR WORKS SO MUCH🥹💕

A/N: OMG ILYT DUDE UR ALWAYS SO INTERACTIVE WHENEVER I POST MY WORK I HOPE YOU CAN STILL CRY TO THIS EVEN THOUGH IT TOOK SO LONG🥹♥︎

Put on a show!

☆Staring☆: Azul Ashengrotto x GN!Reader

Synopsis: When you chose to hide your emotions from everyone, Azul wondered why it had to include him…why can’t you let anyone in your head? How long do you think you can hold it together before you fall apart.

“Why do you shut me out? Why do you shut the world out? What are you so afraid of?” - Anna (Frozen)

Artist: @/uri_hir on twtr

To most people, you were an open book, you always spoke your mind, you always showed them how you felt, and let them know if you were okay…at least that’s how you play your little illusion. Little did they know that you had chapters hidden from within the pages they read, things that you swore you’d never let anyone know, in fear of allowing them to see your weaknesses that they can use against you.

It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t always this way, ever since then you bottled up everything, that particular day when…“Y/N!!!” Ace called out, snapping you out of your thoughts, “hm?” You hummed, once again silently putting on the mask you were used to showing everyone. “Wanna go to Monstro Lounge with me and Deuce? We thought it’d be nice to chill after that hellish spell drive training” He offered.

The training was hellish, and you were tired…no screw that, you were drained, you didn’t just keep up with them, you were also keeping up the facade you played, this other ‘you’ who everyone knows and loves. But of course, this version of ‘you’ is also a people pleaser, so reluctantly you said agreed to go. “Sure! I’ll come with” enthusiastically you stood up and grabbed your stuff.

Deuce smiled seeing you still so active “I wish I had Y/n’s personality…” No you don’t. Ace agreed and stood up to grab his stuff aswell “I know right, always so energetically postive” No I’m not. You just laughed at the two, halfheartedly but you didn’t let it show since you didn’t want them to think otherwise.

You carried Grim because the cat was asleep, and you three strolled on to Monstro Lounge together. The odds were somewhat on your favor, because it wasn’t that packed in the Lounge when you arrived, conveniently too, the last thing you want right now is a larger crowed to appease and entertain with your little act. You took a seat at a table as Ace and Deuce chattered along behind you, arguing about who knows what again.

You place Grim down and allowed yourself to ‘let lose’ a little since the other two were still at the bar side getting drinks, you let yourself have a break from smiley, happy, and bright, letting your exhaustion be visible, you sighed somehow calm because you were tucked away in a corner where no one really saw you.

“You look quite worn out prefect, are you not feeling well?” Suddenly a voice from behind you emerged, you looked up to see Jade, leaning from behind you seat, “Oh hi Jade! It’s nothing, the spell drive training was just extra rough today…” you reasoned with him, desperately trying to play your character again. Knowing how Jade is the more observant twin, you were nervous that he saw right through you.

He nodded, “Of course, can I get you anything?” He asked, you shook your head and pointed at Ace and Deuce coming to your table with drinks, “Ah I see, then I’ll let you relax now and enjoy your drinks, let me know if you need anything else” he smiled, striding away to other tables, you let out a silent breath of relief.

You thank the two for getting you your drink and sipped on it, still on edge about the happenings from earlier, you let your mask slip away one time and almost got caught, never again. You thought, breaking away from talking with the voices in your head, you joined in on the other two’s conversation, hoping to forget what just happened.

You three rambled on and on, hoping from one topic to another, you were hoping to finish soon since right now you just wanted to go home and really relax, you can feel the bottle you store your emotions in is already nearing it’s overflow, you needed to let it out, but not here, not now. Just. A. Little. Longer.

As you three stood up leave, Floyd suddenly grabbed both your shoulders, which surprised you, “Shimpyyy~~~ Hello~~~~” he greeted, you smiled, “Hi Floyd! We were just leaving” you said, hoping that you didn’t sound like you were rushing it. “No you’re not, Azul called for ya! You two go on ahead~ We’ll borrow Shimpy for awhile” he shooed off Ace and Deuce and they awkwardly waved you goodbye having no choice.

Great, you quietly took a deep breath, desperately trying to glue the pieces of your mask together as it was wearing off, “Lead the way!” You smiled at Floyd who gladly lead you Azul’s office. Every step you took, you felt it, the weigh on your chest getting heavier, the ringing in your ears getting louder, your eyes starting to sting with hot tears threatening to come out, but it cant, you cant, not here, not now. Just. A. Little. Longer.

Floyd opened the door for you “Shimpy me n’ Jade will take care of baby seal” he took Grim from your arms gently, and you mouthed a silent thank you as you stepped in the room. Azul had always been warry of you, you were always smiling, not the sly kind like Rook’s, or the carefree kind like Kalim’s. It always seemed hollow like we weren’t really there.

He was eager to find out, you had always been a peculiar human from the moment you came here, but what irked him more was why and how you didn’t seem to be bothered by anything, despite countless overblot encounters, the belittling you hear from the students here, you having no way back home…Nothing fazed you, even if you did show other emotions, it always seemed like you dialed it down.

Ever since his overblot, how you’ve helped him overcome it, and how you didn’t treat him any differently despite knowing what he had looked like as a child, He felt safe with you, and wanted you to feel the same way about him. He was curious, but why does it feel like you’ve told him everything about you, yet at same time nothing at all.

When he’d heard from Jade that you were here, he was exhilarated, he wanted to see you since he saw you and the other first years training earlier, and he noticed how tired you looked. So he took it upon himself to make his office nice and cozy, with snacks and drinks, even going as far as replacing the pillows with fluffier ones.

He hoped that maybe this time you’d allow him to break the chains you’ve wrapped around yourself. Maybe this time you’d…”Hi azul” he perked up to look at you, hearing your voice, “Oh Hi! I apologize I didn’t hear you come in…” he explained, he was distracted, but he couldn’t let you know why.

You laughed a little, sitting down on the chair infront of his desk, the relationship you had with him was complicated on your part, you knew everything about him, and grew close to him over time. You even started to think about opening up to him one time, but you stopped yourself, remembering what happened the last time you thought you could trust someone.

You didn’t avoid Azul since then, but made you did make sure to keep your distance, you felt that he was close to figuring you out. And out of all days it had to be now, now that you were close to falling apart, and out of all people it was Azul. You felt weak to your knees but still tried to hold it in. You needed to.

“So what was it that you called me here for?” You asked, you weren’t trying to seem like you wanted to make it quick, worried it’d make him suspicious. “Oh uhm…nothing in particular, Jade mentioned you didn’t look well…” he said, concern lingering in his voice. Oh no. “I’m fine, Just tired from training that’s all” you were desperately not trying to sound in denial but it was slipping out. Just. A. Little.Longer.

“Right…you had spell drive training earlier” he mumbled, you wouldn’t look his way, looking everywhere else but at him. “Is that the only reason?” He couldn’t help it, he wanted to be let in, “yeah…” you simply said, nodding, still flashing him that bright smile, only this time, your act was nearing it’s end, your mask is breaking.

“Y/n…” he called out, oh no. “I’ve noticed…” oh no. “Please, I want you to trust me.” He looked at you, empathy and worry in his eyes. You felt guilty for not trusting him enough to tell him, but it wasn’t your fault, you couldn’t let yourself get hurt again. “I’m alright, really. Just really really worn out.” You defended, you avoided saying whether you trusted him or not.

“From practice or From something else?” He pried, you felt your hands shake, you clasped them together tightly, and wish he wouldn’t see. You couldn’t say anything, you couldn’t speak, it was as if there was someone over your shoulder reminding you that if you were to trust anyone again, you’d be broken beyond repair. “just tired..” you croaked out, praying to whatever deity is there that he’d let it go.

Azul had enough, he wasn’t stupid, he knew you’re holding yourself back. Sighing, he stood up and went towards you. You’re done for. That voice inside your head taunted you, as his figure loomed over your shaking one, suddenly the room felt like it was collapsing, like eyes were everywhere just waiting for you to break, you could hear them again, the whispers and mumbles from your past, your little illusion of a happier ‘you’ was shattering.

Show’s over.

Azul, was too busy trying to figure out what to do, how he could make you tell him what’s wrong. He didn’t notice you were crumbling beneath him, your heavy breaths stopped his train of thought, his attention’s now all on you. He panicked, he never meant to push you this far, he only wanted for you to feel safe around him. He crouched down, meeting your eyes.

For the first time, he saw raw emotions, but not the ones he wanted to see from you. You’re eyes wide with fear as hot tears drip and trickle down from them, you were covering your ears, you’re breathing heavily…you were scared. He felt his hand grow cold, the last thing he wanted to make you feel was scared.

He reached out, holding your face on his hands gently, as if you were made out of porcelain. “Y/n…hey….look at me…” he called out, voice barely above a whisper but loud enough for you to hear. You looked up at him, crying, trauma evident within your gaze. You thought he’d be looking at you with disgusting or betrayal in his eyes, but all there were was concern, worry, care.

“I’m sorry, I never wanted to scare you like this…” he apologized, “I only wanted for you tell me what’s wrong, There’s something wrong and I want to help you like you helped me…but I can’t if you don’t let me know…please…” he pleaded, his intentions were good, he wanted you to know that. “I’m tired…” you said. He opened his mouth to say something but you continued on.

“I’m so tired of being scared…I’m so tired of hiding…” you quietly said, your voice was weak…it broke him. “I wanted to tell you, I really did…But I just don’t wanna get hurt again, I feel like if I do, I won’t be able to fix myself…I’m so sorry Azul…” you cried, he felt the fear and pain in your voice, he wondered who could’ve hurt you so bad for you to suffer like this.

He pulled you into a warm embrace, he was also shaking, out of anger that is, he wanted to know who made you this way, who caused you pain, he wanted them to feel as traumatized as you are, but for now all he needed to do was calm you down. “Don’t be sorry…it wasn’t your fault” you sobbed hearing his words, “It’s okay… I wont hurt you, I promise…” he adds caressing your hair.

After a little while, Azul had noticed you stopped shaking, and your cries had been reduced to sniffles, and your body went slump against his. He looked down to see you asleep, he sighed, wiping the tears stains that trailed down your cheek, he felt you flinch against his touch but then eased back up.

He carried you and laid you down the couch that he filled with fluffy pillow and blankets. He made sure to tuck you in, making sure you were comfortable. When he was sure you’re fast asleep, he kissed you hand and left the room for a bit. He asked Floyd to place Grim beside you, and come right out.

When the twins were both present he told them to keep an eye on you starting now. If anyone were to talk badly about you, upset you, threaten you, or hurt you. The tweels were going take out the trash.

A/N: Once again people, not proofread lol💀 sorry in advance for mistakes I swear I’m fluent in english, just slightly dysfunctional 💀💀

Edit 1: omg I fixed a part that had missing words it was Floyd’s line, I’m so sorry that must’ve been confusing😭🤚🏻

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland x mc #twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland x yuu #twisted wonderland reaction #twst x reader #twst x mc #twst x yuu #azul x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul ashengrotto #azul x y/n

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skylarsblue · 1 year

Text

✦Random C.o.D Headcanons✦

(Random Headcanons that I have no where else to put. Also because I can't properly wrITE WORTH SHIT, UGH)

✧Price can swing dance. And very well, mind you. ✧Johnny’s dad gripes at him for not drinking whiskey. “Bout the only Scotsman who won’t drink scotch! ‘hat’s like an Irish man not drinking Guinness!” He’ll say. But Johnny handles liquor really well. He could down three tequila sunrises without a single waver. ✧Gaz used to do ballet as a kid, gymnastics in secondary school. He’s less flexible now because he doesn’t stretch like he used to, but he could probably still manage the splits. ✧PRICE LIKES OLD WESTERNS AND COUNTRY MUSIC. TRY TO TELL ME OTHERWISE, I DARE YE- ✧Ghost’s autistic hyperfixations consist of; Birds, the chemical affects of drugs(of any kind) on the body, the process of decomposition, bones/skeletons, and how different cultures view Death. (Ex; Grin Reaper, Cu Sith, Thanatos, etc.)

✧Gaz is the one that has the most vast music taste, but admittedly he’s got a bit of a favorite spot for what I call “ass shaking music”. Things like Doja Cat to T-Pain, ya know?

✧Johnny whole heartedly believes in ghosts, and while he likes horror, he’s most scared by paranormal ones.

✧Ghost’s go to snack is apples. He is so obsessed with apples he can differentiate each kind with one bite.

✧Price hates being called Johnathan, the only one allowed to call him that is Laswell. And she only uses it to scold him. Like a mom. ✧Alejandro owns a cowboy hat. He bought Rudy a matching one, but he assumes Rodolfo got rid of it since he never wears it. It’s not true. Rudy is just really worried he’ll ruin it, so he keeps it pristine in his closet. He’ll even ensure it doesn’t collect dust. ✧König has a fear of horses. He had a Celtic mythology phase, read a spooky story with a Kelpie in it, and now they scare him. ✧Horangi used to have a gold tooth, and at one point his gambling debt got so high, he pulled it out and sold it. Also Horangi has bad teeth, lots of fillings & cavities. ✧Diabetes runs in Gaz’ family, so he constantly watches his sugar intake. But it’s really hard because he loves sweets. ✧09 Ghost is a trans man. This isn’t a Headcanon, it’s just true.

✧Johnny has oddly soft hands. He doesn’t do anything to them, and objectively, he should have tons of callouses. And yet? Nah, super smooth.

✧Gaz runs warm and prefers warm weather, Price runs warm and prefers cold, Johnny runs cold and prefers warm weather, Ghost runs cold and prefers cold weather. ✧Ghost hates being spooned cause he’s usually bigger, and the feeling of a body against his back, even if warm and alive? Reminds him too much of the feeling of a deadman pressing on his spine. He’d prefer to be the big spoon if he has to cuddle like that.

✧Rudy owns playboys & playgirl magazines. He just hides them SUPER well, because he’s kinda ashamed. He thinks people owning porn is fine, but his mother visits often and she’s a bit of a snoop. ✧Piggy backing off the last one, that’s also why Rudy is so sneaky. He wasn’t necessarily a super bad kid, and his parents weren’t necessarily unbearable. But he often got roped into trouble by others, and his parents were a bit strict, so he got good at sneaking. ✧Valeria & Alejandro are exes, and while there are many reasons they broke up? One was Valeria realizing she’s hella sapphic.

✧Valeria has a collection of naked women paintings. Like, super expensive ones? No one questions her because she’s a cartel queen, they think she just likes art. And she does. But she also is hella biased towards pretty painted ladies.

✧Gaz definitely has at least one crazy ex. Like “I’ll stalk your number, call your mom, and make a scene in public even if we broke up three years ago” crazy. ✧König was a pot smoking metalhead in high school, I will not elaborate. ✧Ghost tends to be clean shaven because the sensory feeling of stubble is uncomfortable, especially under his mask. But he likes facial hair on other people. ✧Farah is on the aroace spectrum. She’s not completely closed off to romance or sex, but like…it’s very very rare for her to experience those kinds of attractions. (Personally I think Alex is her exception, but I’m biased) ✧SPEAKING OF ALEX, man owns a cane. He decorates it, he also decorates his leg. With stickers. Some of them are kiddy/girly cause his niece gave him them. Do not question the Pinkie Pie on his prosthetic, reminds him of what he needs to come home for.

✧Nik & Price definitely have sucked each other’s dicks at least once. Look, besties bestie however they please. Also, c’mon. They’re military men.

✧Johnny somehow manages to miss something someone is telling him when they’re right by his ear. Yet! He’ll catch a random comment from across the room.

✧Also. Johnny is afraid of dogs. But he also likes dogs. It’s a very hard thing to deal with when he wants to pet what gives him heart palpitations.

✧König doesn’t talk to his mother at all. He occasionally talks to his father, but not much. But his grandma?? Every day. He will won’t miss a single day of contact.

✧Gaz writes poems or short stories sometimes as a coping mechanism. But he hides it cause he's embarassed. ✧Johnny had a full out punk phase in high school. He had spikes on a denim jacket, he had an anarchy pin on his rucksack. Full out. And though he didn't get caught, he probably did some teenage delinquent shit like graffiti. Thankfully, the more destructive stuff is more out of his system...mostly anyway. ✧Price didn't have a full hippie phase when he was younger, but he did have friends in that circle, so he picked up one or two things. ✧Ghost didn't have any aesthetic specifically growing up, but he thought Trad Goths were super cool to look at and he definitely got a lil inspiration from them in his everyday life. ✧Gaz also didn't have a particular aesthetic he fell into, but for some reason he was picked up by a group of scene kids in middle school. If you go through his oldest music playlist, EDM is in there a suspicious amount. ✧König is allergic to bees, so, anytime they're around he'll freak the fuck out and sprint away. If it weren't for the fact he had a reason to fear them, it'd look really silly. ✧Soap has ADHD, Ghost is autistic, Laswell has OCD, Rudy has AuDHD, and König is autistic.

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lady-october · 4 months

Text

Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Previous Chapters : Available on Ao3

Story Content : Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Rough sex, Sadism/Masochism, Dom/Sub, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Orgasm denial, Breath play, Dirty talk.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Chapter 20: Is this what you wanted?

Chapter title is lyrics from "Kool-Aid"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Darkness fell as soon as the door slammed shut behind us.

I don’t know how Oli could see anything in his hotel room when I was struggling to make out even the most basic of shapes after having been out in the bright corridor.

Where Mat just saw me be hauled off to – very obviously – be fucked.

But before I knew it I was no longer draped over Oli’s shoulder and my body had successfully connected with the mattress where he’d thrown me.

Panic washed over me like a tsunami as what just happened began to sink in, making me worry about their friendship; making me worry about Oli, and about Mat; making me worry I’ve fucked everything up beyond repair, that there’s no going back, that tonight’s sex with Oli – regardless of how badly I craved it – might put a nail in our coffin.

I heard myself hyperventilate as my eyes struggled to adjust to the room, faint washes of blue from the moonlight spilling through the large arch windows painting the room in navy and grey hues, the silhouette of the man at the end of the bed nearly completely black, with a slight sparkle hitting his eyes as his hands worked their way downwards to undo the buttons he had just buttoned not even a half hour ago, the light and excited energy he was emitting then having been snuffed out, replaced with the anger that permeated the air so thickly it was hard to breathe.

I couldn’t blame him. He had begged me multiple times to not tell him, to not torment him with the mental images of me and his best friend, yet I couldn’t help myself. I had to tell him.

“Strip.” He commanded as he shrugged out of his dress shirt, throwing it onto the floor.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” The heartbeat in my throat threatened to choke me as I pushed the words out.

He huffed out a breath, “Why? Cause we ran into Mat?”

I tried to search for the right words, the words that would convey how I felt, how worried I was, but everything sounded wrong in my head – so self centred.

“You scared he’ll figure out we’re fucking tonight? Cause I’m pretty sure that cat’s out of the bag, love.” He said with sarcasm in his voice when I didn’t respond.

“I don’t want to be the reason you two fall out.” I blurted out, wanting to correct him, wanting him to know my fears aren’t just about myself.

There was a pause as he undid his belt, his head dipped before he muttered, “You know nothing about our friendship. Strip.”

The last word was nearly growled, springing my body into action, making me pull my sweater over my head out of instinct. It was only after I threw it to the side that I realised what I was doing, that I still wasn’t sure we should be doing this – but not unsure enough to use the safeword that would put a stop to it.

“Y-you could go talk to him if you want, and we can do this after.” My words came so meek, so soft, so pathetic.

“And tell him what? That he’s been kissing the mouth I cum in?” He spat, pulling the belt out of the trousers so fast it made a whirring sound. The rage simmering under the surface, close to boiling over, “That my whore wants to fuck him?” His belt hit the wall across the room, and from the sound the buckle made on impact I’d be surprised if it didn’t leave a dent.

I shouldn’t want to do this, I should say the safeword and talk to him, but the truth was the rage made me want him more, made my core throb in anticipation, made the wetness between my legs build to an uncomfortable level.

“I never said that.” The familiar fluster was back in my voice. Predictable and uncontrollable.

I hated myself.

He shook his head as his cock sprung free from the trousers that fell to the floor.

I instinctively crept backwards when he got on the mattress and began stalking towards me, adrenaline rushing through my veins, but he was quick, grabbing my leg, pulling me towards him, holding onto me with a strength I hadn’t felt from him before.

It hit me why I needed a safeword tonight; he was done holding back. Instead it was up to me when I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Don’t you?” His hands busied themselves with undoing my jeans as I fumbled for words, not sure what to answer considering the attraction I felt for Mat. My hands reached for his in an attempt to slow us down, but he slapped them away. My vision had adjusted enough to the darkness that I could see the anger crystal clear in Oli’s eyes; he was fuming, but also clearly in agony, overcome with jealousy.

All I could do was open and close my mouth, speechless, as he peeled my jeans off of me.

“What is it, love? You want my blessing to fuck my best friend?” The jeans were thrown with the same intensity as all the other garments, the close proximity of the rage flooding me with yet another rush of adrenaline.

I shook my head, “N-no.”

His eyes fell to the underwear I was still wearing after my date with Mat. I had completely forgotten to take them off before coming over, being too busy panicking over talking to Oli about everything that’s happened the last 24 hours.

He must have seen the panic in my eyes, his gaze growing even darker as he yanked them off of me.

“You shouldn’t have told me any of this.” He muttered as he spread my legs, crawling between them, crawling on top of me.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered as his hair tickled my face, the sex I was trying to postpone having become imminent as I knew I couldn’t bring myself to actually stop it. His otherwise hazel eyes like blue flames in the moonlit room, only inches from mine, both intense with emotion yet somehow dead and void of them at the same time.

“Shut up, Alice.” Is all he said before he pushed into me carelessly, painfully, making me cry out as he buried himself inside me deep enough that our hips connected in one hard thrust.

My world was spinning, my heart racing, and my breath catching, but through the cloud of overwhelming sensations I could hear his uneven breaths joining mine, feel the heat from the puffs of air leaving his mouth against my shoulder, through the mesh fabric of my crop top as his head had fallen forward, his soft locks pushing into my face, obscuring some of my vision.

Fleetingly I wondered if whatever magic scent he always emitted came from a hair product, as I was suddenly flooded by it, my nerves inexplicitly soothed by the calming aroma.

But considering the situation, this was not the time for settled nerves, made very clear by the hand that appeared on my collarbone, holding me firmly, possessively, in place as he pushed himself up, staring intensely at me under heavy eyelids.

The hand holding me in place followed the curve of my neck to my shoulder, the corners of his lips twisting into a sadistic smile as his grip tightened, pushing me down harder onto his cock, effectively pinning me against him.

Excitement and fear exploded in my chest as I realised I couldn’t escape even if I wanted to, knowing he wants to hurt me, torture me, and the only way out of this is one single word in the entire English language.

With that knowledge I couldn’t help but feel curiosity, making me want to explore my options, to try and escape just to see what would happen.

“Get off me.” I whispered shyly, testing the waters.

He huffed out a laugh that made his dick tense inside me, amused by my pathetic attempt, followed by his less busy hand grabbing the hem of my top along with my bra, and yanking it upwards to free one of my breasts with a bounce.

I yelped, still not accustomed to him using his full strength while handling me.

“Stop.” I said with a bit more authority.

But he completely ignored it, instead he wrapped his fingers around my nipple, causing my eyes to widen, knowing how sensitive my nipples are, knowing how easy it is to inflict pain upon them.

“Wait, no, wait–”

“This will hurt.” He said with a massive grin before his fingers dug into my shoulder even more, and he pinched my nipple, twisting it as he went.

I screamed, trying to push him off of me but he was immovable. I could hear him laughing as the searing pain shot through me like lightning.

“No, no, no, no, please!” I begged, trying to materialise the word that he told me to use if I needed him to ease up, and thankfully it came to me quickly, “Pink, pink, piiiink!”

While the tension on my nipple eased at the word, he was still pinching it agonisingly hard.

“Is that it, is that all you can take?” He asked, mockingly. As I looked up at his gleeful eyes, glowing with a depraved excitement, I felt the delicious high rush over me, the wonderful aftermath of having him inflict pain on me, the sweet release I’ve been craving for hours.

“Disappointing.” He added, but he didn’t seem disappointed, no, he seemed like he was having the time of his life figuring out my limits with his throbbing cock buried deep inside me, my legs folded, spread uncomfortably wide to accommodate the way he sat between them, keeping me in place, preventing me from wriggling out of his grasp.

I released a sigh as he let go of my nipple in order to spit in his hand, but it returned to pinching immediately, this time the added wetness causing a burning sensation on the very sore flesh there. His eyelids grew heavier along with his breathing as he watched my face twist in pain. I inhaled sharply as he applied further pressure, his length inside me periodically twitching, tensing, throbbing, letting me know how much he was getting off on this despite not actually fucking me yet.

“Let’s try again, shall we?”

My eyes widened as his grin turned sinister once more.

While he didn’t pinch and twist with as much strength as before, I still screamed. I tried to pull his hand off of me, I clawed and shoved at him, but nothing worked, he just laughed as I writhed on his cock from all my thrashing around. Yet I was intent on not using the safeword, or telling him to ease up. Instead I wanted to fight him in earnest, to push myself, to push him, to see where both our limits actually are.

It wasn’t until I dug my nails into his arm so deep that I might have drawn blood that he stopped pinching me, only to slap me across my face, my head snapping to the side from the impact. My hand instinctively reached for my burning cheek but he slapped that away too before grabbing my chin to yank me back into his vision.

I was expecting to see rage on him, but was instead met with glazed over, hungry eyes that looked like they were about to eat me alive as he was hovering over me again, close to my face.

His grip on me changed, shifted, taking hold of my hip as his other hand pushed behind my neck to hold my head still, keeping his intense eyes on mine as he started moving inside me.

So many parts of me were stinging and burning, making me feel high as a kite while the waves of pleasure rushed me with each pounding thrust.

My moans came heavy, louder than usual.

Suddenly he held me closer against him, rolling onto his back, leaving me to sit on top of him, straddling him. The hand on my neck lacing into my hair, pulling me in for a desperate kiss that nearly brought the tears back to my eyes, the fingers that had been digging into my hips caressed over the sore skin of my ass that he’d been working on while carrying me from the rooftop.

I flinched from the burning touch.

He pulled my head away from his lips to hold me at an awkward, uncomfortable angle. I looked down at the man inside me, below me, a confusing mix of anger and wonder emitting from him as he studied my features. His lips parted, panting, glistening from our kiss. Burning eyes and wild hair painting dark swirls on the light pillow underneath him.

The fiery eyes turned dark again right before more pain was inflicted on my ass. A loud slap echoed through the room, only filled with our laboured breathing a moment ago, now filled with my cries of pain as I fumbled to keep my weight on my arms so I wouldn’t just be held up by my hair.

The fingers on my behind dug into the soft, extremely sore skin there, clutching my cheek in order to move me on him. I felt an overwhelming mixture of pain and pleasure that nearly made me give in; nearly made me tell him to ease up on me, or even consider saying the safeword. My whimpers telling the story of my emotions to perfection, I could barely distinguish myself whether the sounds spilling from my mouth were that of ecstasy or agony.

Meanwhile the lazy, sinister smile on Oli was conveying that this is exactly how he wanted me.

An even louder slap echoed all around us and I heard a strangled moan leave me.

“P-pink.” I whispered, stuttered, as he laughed at my suffering, digging his nails back into me, moving me on him faster as I struggled to keep my weight on my shaking arms. Wave upon wave of pleasure washed over me as the adrenaline from the pain filled me, the cock inside me was hitting all the right spots from this angle, my clit grinding on his pubic bone with each movement.

“I used to daydream about this, about torturing you,” His words came so deep he sounded demonic, “your flushed, tear stained cheeks.”

Another slap, a bit lighter this time, but I still produced a similar moan, the skin so sore I wasn’t sure I’d be able to sit tomorrow. Instantly more waves of pleasure came as the immediate pain subsided.

His words made me realise I could feel the warm liquid run down my face, I hadn’t noticed I’d started crying again. As with everything else, I couldn’t tell if it was from bliss or distress, or maybe simply from being overwhelmed, but I could feel my orgasm build, and build because of the same emotion that had caused it.

“You’re stunning like this.” Another slap, he let go of my hair this time, letting me fall forward onto him, onto his warm, ink covered chest, “My perfect whore.” He said into my hair as my moans came louder, faster, matching how he was moving me on him.

“Does it feel good, love?”

Slap.

I trembled, my moans and whimpers coming broken with my hitching breaths.

“Y–yes.” I answered once the majority of the stinging sensation settled.

I realised he was also shaking as he ground me down on him harder, in longer strokes.

Slap.

This time he groaned alongside my cries.

“Are you close?” From the way he asked it, I assumed he was close as well.

“Very.” I whimpered.

His fingers shoved back into my hair, pulling me back into his vision. His eyes glazed over, studying me with a pained expression, baring his teeth slightly as he started pumping me harder.

Slap.

Euphoria shifted his features as I cried out in pain, but as soon as the worst of it faded I felt myself melt against him, my climax so close I could taste it.

He must have seen it on me because his eyes widened with excitement, and right as my orgasm started he threw me off of him. I landed with a thud on the mattress next to him, disoriented and empty.

“No– wait, p-please–” I reached for my pussy to try and salvage what was left of my orgasm, so it wouldn’t be completely ruined, but he was already there, grabbing my wrist as his other hand held my chin.

For a moment I felt as if Oli was no longer here when I looked up at the man above me, as if he’d been replaced by some vicious animal intent on tearing me apart, the vision so shocking I abandoned any attempts to save my climax.

“On the floor.” He said with an eerie calmness, letting go of me entirely, “kneel.”

I instantly obeyed, my limbs feeling like jelly as I fumbled to get on my knees for him.

He shuffled, positioning himself to sit at the end of the bed, fingers shoving back into my hair as he worked his cock over my face.

“The only way you get to cum tonight, is if you say the safeword.” He watched me frown as he said it, feeling torn, wanting the cum. But I had made it this far without tapping out, enjoying his games, and I didn’t want to stop now, “Otherwise, I will make sure you don’t touch yourself until you fall asleep.” The corners of his panting mouth tugged as he implied that I’d sleep here.

An involuntary smile bloomed on my lips through my hazy state.

Which settled it, I wasn’t going to have an orgasm tonight.

“Pinch your nipple for me, love. Let me watch you suffer a bit more.” His words came ragged, clearly close to the edge.

I did as he requested, pinching significantly, much less than he had, suddenly scared of the pain when it was self inflicted.

“Harder.” He growled.

I don’t know if it was his aggression, the pain, or the ruined orgasm, but my core began throbbing deeply as I applied more pressure to my nipple, his eyes glazing over, his movements coming jerky as I whimpered.

“Open your mouth.” He breathed, the cum already spilling from his length as my lips parted for him.

He pushed my head down on him, the cum threatening to make me gag as he shot down my throat, releasing the pressure just in time to avoid it. With both his hands in my hair, holding me passionately as he moaned, the delectable liquid filling my mouth with each shot, his cock tensing in waves against my tongue, driving me wild.

When he was done he released me and I collapsed to the floor, swallowing his load.

The sound of both our heavy breaths filling the air. My gaze settled on him, his eyes towards the ceiling, his cock still bobbing as his head came back up, his hair shifting, falling over his face in order to look down on me with a relaxed grin.

He looked so happy, content.

Sadly it only lasted a moment, his features twisting to something more bitter as he watched me on the floor, as if he sobered up, remembering why we were doing this in the first place.

I watched him get up, walk over to his luggage in the corner and crouch down before it. I sat up, suddenly uncomfortable, the thick sexual tension having left the air much quicker than usual. The sound of a lighter could be heard as he stood back up, puffs of smoke surrounding him while he walked back to the bed, throwing himself onto the mattress. I could smell the familiar scent of cigarette smoke as he walked past me, having smoked for a long time and only quitting a couple of years ago.

“Come here, love.” His words were tender, loving.

I pushed myself up on my unsteady legs, my aching body struggling to stay upright.

Deciding to slip out of my mangled top and bra before getting into bed with him, I nearly lost balance, but I successfully completed my task and made it the to the bed where Oli proceeded to nestle me up against him, kissing the top of my head as I wrapped my arm around his chest.

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

“I don’t.” He responded casually, “Not anymore, just when I’m tense.”

He took another long drag and I watched the ember turn bright orange in his hand before he exhaled, releasing a cloud that was tinted blue with the rest of the room.

I reached out and took the cigarette off of him, inhaling deeply, also feeling rather tense.

“I won’t see Mat anymore.” I said after I handed the cigarette back to him.

He huffed out a breath, shaking his head, “No, I’m not doing that again, I’ve seen how that ends. Do whatever it is you need to do so you can be sure who you want.”

Realisation hit me like a ton of bricks.

I pushed myself up on my elbow to look at him.

“When you said your ex cheated with an old friend…”

“Was wondering if you’d ever piece that together,” He gave me a dejected smile, “Guess I made it a bit obvious just now though, didn’t I?”

I stared at him, confused, wondering why he remained such close friends with Mat after what happened, after his ex had cheated with him.

My forehead knotted into a frown as I searched for the words to ask for clarification, to learn more, but I didn’t know how to approach the delicate topic.

“Why are you still friends with him?”

Such a dumb question, phrased so poorly, so bluntly. I wish I could take it back, but my brain clearly didn’t work after the sex we just had.

It was his turn to frown.

“I mean– beyond the obvious, I know you’re in a band together–” I continued before he cut me off.

“Honestly Alice, it’s not that bloody simple is it?” He said with a sigh, moreso defeated sounding than annoyed. Taking one last drag off the cigarette, he reached over to the nightstand and dropped it into the glass of water resting there, putting the ember out with a hissing noise.

His head hit the pillow again with yet another sigh, sad eyes meeting mine.

“Her name was Fay.”

While I really wanted to hear this story, I didn’t want to contribute to more distress tonight, not after we already had sex – not after we’d already done the thing that should help ease our suffering.

“Oli, you don’t have to–”

“Would you rather not know?” A genuine question, asked calmly, seriously.

“I, I do, a lot actually, but–”

“Then let me tell you.” There was a pained confusion on his features as he spoke the gentle words, pleading to let him vocalise his thoughts to me.

My frown melted away.

“Okay.” I answered softly.

“Her name was Fay.” He started his story again, “She was a good friend of Mat for years. I always enjoyed her company – very wild spirited, would always get us into trouble – but I was never close with her… Well, not until Mat started dating her, and suddenly she was always around.” He laughed nervously, his eyes roaming towards the ceiling as he continued speaking, “I felt like a piece of shit, I would stay up late with her a lot of nights, just chatting each other's ears off, I didn’t even realise I was falling for her until it was too late.”

His arm around me held me closer, caressing me lovingly as he was lost in telling his story.

“It wasn’t unusual though, we’d fallen for each other's girls so many times over the years we pretty much had a protocol for it. As soon as I realised, I told Mat, and we both knew it just meant I should stop hanging out with her alone. Which I did.”

He sighed deeply, “Problem is, Fay does whatever the fuck she wants. She sussed out pretty quickly that I had feelings for her, confronted me, told me she felt the same, told me she’d planned to break up with Mat because of it.”

Glowing eyes shot back to mine, “Not a nice feeling that, so fucking torn between being happy that she felt the same for me, but knowing I can’t allow myself to be with her – also knowing that I’m the only reason they’re breaking up. It’s just a shit show.”

Shaking his head his gaze returned to the ceiling, “Next day Mat told me they broke up, and to my surprise he practically begged me to date her, telling me that we both deserved to be happy, that he’ll get over it, that I was always the better match for Fay anyway. I thought it was nonsense, the proclamations of a heartbroken man, feeling down on himself. I didn’t even consider it until months later when Mat had managed to mend his friendship with her, and everything seemed alright with him again. Then it suddenly got too tempting. In hindsight I should never have acted on it, but we ended up dating for almost a year… I was gonna ask her to marry me. It wasn’t until right before it all blew up that Mat came to me, telling me he fucked up, confessing the feelings for her had resurfaced, telling me she’d been flirting with him too. The jealous twat I am, I instantly confronted Fay; she didn’t deny it, she told me she felt blessed for not only having one soulmate, but two… My heart just shattered.”

Oli’s arm around me had tensed up, the gentle caresses having come to a stop.

Vulnerable eyes flickered to mine before he continued, speaking more thoughtfully.

“She stayed with Mat that night, was at a shared accommodation, I actually caught her leaving his room in the early hours of the morning. I’d stayed outside all night, couldn’t be in the same room as her, not after what she told me – I needed some time. I just sat staring at the beach for hours while they fucked I guess.”

My heart ached for him, leaving me intent on not seeing Mat anymore. Leaving a bad taste in my mouth when it came to Mat in general. I couldn’t believe he would sleep with someone his best friend had been dating for so long, and was so committed to, especially so quickly, regardless of their history.

“This is when I learned what a liar Fay was. She’d told Mat that we’d broken up already, that she felt nothing for me, that she regretted leaving him, and so on.”

“But how could he sleep with her without even talking to you first?”

He gave me a guilty smile, “So, there may have been one small detail I left out.”

I squinted at him, “Go on.”

“I may have slept with his ex too.” My eyes widened in surprise as the guilt on his face intensified, “A couple of them actually.”

I felt my features twist into disbelief, “What?”

“To be fair, he’s slept with a fair few of mine as well.”

I was stunned, confused about their entire friendship.

“We’re both lovesick fools who can’t seem to resist the same women a lot of the time, and while most of it was in our teens and early twenties, it’s happened in more recent years too, just very rarely. We made a point of steering clear of it, to prevent more heartache for both of us.”

“Again, why are you two still friends?” I asked, shaking my head, my original, blunt question, suddenly seeming perfectly appropriate.

He let out a long breath, “He’s my best mate, it just always felt like we didn’t want any birds to get between that, despite this shit happening repeatedly. And to be honest with you, Fay was different for many reasons. I’d never felt quite like that for anyone before her. For better and for worse. She had a way of making you get completely lost in the moment when you were with her, you’d buy whatever lies she sold you. So I can’t even blame Mat, if he’s anything like me – which when it comes to these types of things he sure seems to be – I get why he couldn’t turn her down.”

While not being able to relate to his situation at all, a level of understanding began to surface as he explained.

“I’d never seen him so destroyed afterwards though, I think he’d done anything to set it right. He actually had me move in with him for a while, when I relapsed, to look after me. I’ve cried in the arms of that man more than I care to admit.”

Silence fell for a moment as he stared off into space. My hand began mindlessly trailing his chest which seemed to have pulled him out of whatever thought he was preoccupied with, as he inhaled and began caressing my back again.

“Neither of us talked to Fay ever again, haven’t even said her name in each other's company.”

Thoughtful eyes met mine, the moonlight extenuating his features from this angle, highlighting all the contrast the man next to me has to offer; the sweet and gentle eyes, so easy to get lost in, set in a face filled with strong edges, high cheekbones and inkwork, yet framed by wild locks of hair that should make him look messy, rough, but only added a playful charm to him.

I hadn’t realised how intensely I’d been staring at him until he continued speaking.

“Mat’s a good man, we’ve just got a bit of an odd situation between us. If he knew I had feelings for you, I know he’d take a step back, ignore you like the plague probably after everything with Fay.”

He reached out to touch my face, stroking it tenderly before lacing his fingers into my hair, his thumb brushing my cheek with the same softness. His touch was so sweet, treating me as if I was precious in his hands, another stark contrast from earlier. I felt myself melt into his palm, craving his affection, which seemed to happen like clockwork after we had rougher sex.

“Makes things a bit tricky for me, cause I do have feelings for you.” The words were spoken under his breath, softly, lovingly.

I swallowed, reminded of the high stakes of the situation.

“But if you end up with me I can’t be worrying about you and Mat, I can’t do that again. Which is why I just want you to get whatever you need out of your system when it comes to Mat. You’re clearly interested in him. If it’s him you’d rather be with, I don’t want to start anything proper with you.”

While I couldn’t deny that I was drawn to Mat in a multitude of ways, I already knew how I felt about the man next to me.

“That’s fair, but I already have feelings for you.”

He sucked on his teeth for a second, “So did Fay.”

“I’m not Fay.” I returned quickly.

The smile he gave me was sombre, “No, you’re not, in almost all ways you’re her polar opposite actually – except for the fact that it’s incredibly easy to get lost in the moment with you.”

Understanding the implication of his statement, I was momentarily upset by the fact that he was suggesting I’d be the type of person who cheats, but considering Oli’s history, I quickly pushed that thought aside, knowing his reasons for feeling that way had nothing to do with me.

“So you want me to… explore things with Mat?”

The tension that washed over Oli at my question was almost tangible, “For the sanity and wellbeing of all three of us, I don’t want to know what you two get up to – but please, Alice, if you decide you’re ready to become mine, then be mine.”

It was impossible to do anything but agree with Oli whenever he gave me those pleading eyes.

“Okay.” I whispered before looking away, feeling silly for asking my next question, “Can I still spend the night?”

The tension deflated from him, “Please do.”

Laying my head back on his shoulder, he immediately, eagerly, nestled me back into him, like he craved the intimacy from it just as much as I did. My limbs tangled with his, his warm and loving embrace giving me more comfort than anything I could imagine, making me feel foolish for even contemplating anything with Mat.

But considering the circumstances, it might be even more foolish of me to disregard him entirely, leaving a door open for the future.

Leaving me to wonder what could have been.

“You were incredible tonight.” He whispered into my hair before pressing his cheek to the top of my head.

Warmth spread in my chest, my lips curving into a smile, “Yeah?” “Yeah. I love the way you fought me, you’re stronger than you look.”

I huffed out a small laugh, “Oh please, I couldn’t budge you.”

“You weren’t that far off you know, and my arm’s gonna be stinging for a while.”

Knowing I was more than likely quite far off, I still enjoyed how he indulged me.

“I’m not sure I’ll be able to sit tomorrow.” I retorted teasingly.

I felt his features shift against my head, and from the way he spoke I could tell he was also smiling, “You love it though, don’t you?”

“Very much.”

A comfortable silence fell as I listened to his heartbeat, his steady breathing tickling my forehead. My mind wandered back to the rooftop, regret filling me, wishing I could have just enjoyed the date with him like a normal person.

“I’m sorry for ruining our date, the rooftop… No one’s ever done anything so romantic for me.”

“Not to try and bribe you or anything, but we could have a lot of nights like that, love.”

Half of me wanted that future so badly it ached, yet the other half was sounding the alarm bells, ready to run for the hills at the idea of being in another committed relationship. I knew it was an irrational fear, but I still couldn’t seem to shake the panic that came with thoughts of a future with someone.

Probably because someone very important failed to commit to me.

“You know, I also used to love watching the stars.”

His roaming hand stilled on my arm, “Used to?”

“Yeah. Of course it looked nothing like this,” I said as I gazed out the window, at the starlit night, “I was lucky if I could see a handful of them even when it was clear. But my dad and I would often lay on the grass in our back garden on a late evening, before I lost him.”

“I’m sorry, Alice. How old were you when he died?”

“Oh, he’s not dead. He just moved.”

“Oh.” He responded, clearly confused.

“He went to start a new family on the other side of the country when I was ten. It was like he never had me. I didn’t even get a card on my next birthday. Mum said he’d sent one, that it would be in the post any day now, but it never came. So, I haven’t talked to him since I was 14, partly because I decided I couldn’t stand being progressively forgotten anymore.”

“Fucking hell, what a prick.”

His sudden blunt words caused me to break out into laughter.

He joined with an awkward chuckle, “I’m sorry, but that’s awful though. Can I ask something?”

Slight unease crept in, already feeling vulnerable from sharing such a sore part of my past, but I wanted to push myself, to open up to him like he’d opened up for me.

“Sure.”

“Is that where the commitment issues come from?”

“I think so.” My words came softly, “I’ve only ever been in one long term relationship.”

There was a pause before he spoke, making me wonder what he was thinking, what conclusions he was coming to about me, “I see, and you said you didn’t even like him – so what made him special enough to be the only one?”

I felt myself fighting the urge to squirm, “I guess the fact that he wasn’t special at all.”

“Ah,” He started, before echoing my words that he practically forced out of me earlier in the week, “Because you’re scared of having something worth losing.”

Bingo.

“Yeah, which is why everything was so simple with him.”

Another silence fell before he spoke softly, “Am I special to you?”

I tried to push the words out, but it took me a while. I could feel him tensing beneath me, his heart rate speeding up.

“You are.” I whispered after a long moment.

More time passed, both of us clearly raking things over in our mind.

“I can’t decide if that’s wonderful or horrible.” He finally responded.

“Me neither.”

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