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redladydeath · 1 month

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Okay, so last night I decided I wanted to do something with Vox and body horror and this story concept ended up manifesting in my brain. Massive CW for psychosis that's not actually psychosis, as well as self-harm and body horror.

Vox and Alastor meet in the 1940s while they're both doing electrical engineering work for the war effort. Vox is only 22, so he falls fast and hard for Alastor, who decides to use the younger man's infatuation with him to his advantage. One night while they're out drinking, Alastor convinces Vox to make a blood oath with him. He tells him it's just symbolic, but in reality, there's magic involved; if Alastor kills him, he'll get all the years Vox was supposed to live added to his own lifespan, which is dwindling. He lures Vox into the woods and tries to murder him, but is shot by a hunter who happens upon the struggle. Vox nearly loses an eye, but survives the encounter and is able to go on with his life, albeit with some pretty intense trauma.

Twenty years later, it's the 1960s. Vox has been a successful television presenter for 10~15 years now. He's rich and is married with children, but is less than an ideal husband/father. When he's not at work, he's usually with Valentino, a young male prostitute who he's been having a secret affair with for the past year or two. The two of them are currently somewhere between a sugar daddy/baby arrangement and a legit relationship. Vox is overall pretty content with his life and hasn't thought about Alastor in years. That is, until he starts feeling everything change.

At first, it seems like it's just a bad cold; his joints are stiff and he has the chills constantly, but that's nothing too unusual and he continues going about his daily life. But then the delusions start. Vox begins hearing strange things whenever a radio is on– words and phrases that shouldn't be coming out of it, said in a familiar tone of voice. He starts seeing shadows moving just out of the corner of his eye, but when he turns to look at them, they're gone. When Vox looks in the mirror or watches clips from his show, there's something different– uncanny– about his own eyes that make him feel like he's looking at a stranger. It must be stress, he thinks; he's been working himself too hard.

But things only get worse. Vox's body is stiff and jerky and cold– suddenly very cold to the touch, although no one other than Vox can feel it. Food and drink and cigarettes lose their taste. His emotions feel muted– all except fear. He starts hearing this loud, irritating humming when he's in the studio and it makes it hard for him to work. People are starting to get worried. He's acting erratically, asking if they can hear or feel things that simply aren't there. His wife thinks he's building towards a nervous breakdown, but Vox knows that's not true. Something's happening to him, something no one can perceive but him.

Things continue to deteriorate. Vox thinks he can hear metal creaking when he moves. His face won't show up on camera anymore; the footage always ends up damaged somehow for reasons no one can explain. He smashes the family radio in front of his kids when he clearly hears Alastor's voice coming out of it, taunting him. He asks Valentino, who hasn't even been to church in the past decade, to connect him to his childhood priest because he thinks he's being possessed and wants an exorcism— if the Protestant God won’t help him, maybe the Catholic one will. It still doesn't work.

Things come to a head one night when Vox, desperate to prove to himself and everyone else that he's not crazy, takes a knife and cuts deep into the hand he used to make the pact with Alastor all those years ago. He cuts and cuts and cuts until finally– finally– he sees it: metal and wires and no blood. He was right. He tries to show his wife but only succeeds in scaring her out of her wits. He flees the house and takes the family car: he needs to go see Valentino, show him, ask him for help. He crashes the car into a lamppost while trying to drive with one hand. A cashier working late in a nearby television/radio store tries to help him, bringing him into the store to wait while he calls an ambulance.

When the cashier leaves him alone to go make the call in the backroom, Vox hears it again. He hears Alastor's voice coming out of the radio, telling him that his time is up; he's been living on borrowed (or rather, stolen) time for the past ten years and now it's time to come join him, down where they both belong. Vox can feel his "bones" cracking, his skin stretching and tearing; he can't hear anything except Alastor's voice alongside the blaring static emitting from all the TVs and radios in the store. He's dying he's dying he's dying– until he stumbles into a fusebox and the whole store is engulfed in an electrical fire.

When the firemen dig through the rubble, they never find a human body.

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amethystina · 10 days

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You mentioned in your notes at the end of the chapter for 'Each Touch (Brings Us One Step Closer)' about how Yo Han had some reason for wanting some distance between him and Ga On at the end of the show and not wanting to explain your thoughts there and go on the tangent. Can you go into it here then? I love your tangents and explanations.

Also just want to say thank you so much for that chapter, it's incredible! It always amazes me how you can write the characters so accurately. It's definitely something to keep us going after the slow burn of Who Holds the Devil

I feel like I may have accidentally blue-balled some of you with that throwaway comment and I promise that wasn't my intention x'D But sure, I can elaborate :)

So! The thing with the final scene of the drama is that it's clearly shaped by the choices of the scriptwriter and/or the director. As in, certain aspects of it had less to do with the characters and more to do with production. They wanted to give Yo Han and Ga On one final scene together, to give the viewer hope and a nice, proper ending, but their options were... limited, I guess we could say?

And there are a couple of reasons for that. One is that there are still a lot of unspoken things between Yo Han and Ga On. Like lingering hurt from the betrayal, the fact that Yo Han faked his death a second time despite probably knowing how upset that would make Ga On, Ga On's somewhat concerning readiness to die (twice in one day, no less), the whole thing with the fire that they never actually got to discuss etc.

In short, there's a lot they should talk about. But there's no time — the drama is over. So while showing them having a conversation and actually reconciling would be nice, it's just not possible. They'll have to gloss over that bit and just rely on the emotional catharsis of seeing those two idiots stare longingly at each other for a couple of seconds (or surprisingly many seconds, in this case).

Which, to their credit, works really well. I was very satisfied once that scene was over. But it's not like it actually fixes anything, you know? Like, the trauma is still there. Just because Yo Han smiles at Ga On, does that mean he's forgiven the almost-murder?

I've actually gotten questions (bordering on accusations), asking why I ruined that lovely ending scene by making it so that they haven't reconciled at the beginning of Who Holds the Devil. But, like, they didn't reconcile. That scene was lovely, make no mistake, but they didn't actually solve anything. I agree that they showed their deep connection and fondness for each other, but you can have that and also still be mad about that one time your sugar baby tried to stab you in the heart. They're not mutually exclusive.

Since they don't talk, I'm going to have to assume they haven't fully reconciled.

(I don't actually mind that the drama didn't have time to solve this, I want to point out, since that just made me more eager to write Who Holds the Devil and do it for myself. So don't think I'm dissatisfied or anything — quite the opposite. I was amazed by how much we got, in a drama that's supposedly straight. It was so much more than I would ever have dared to hope for.)

The second reason the creators' choices were limited was the fact that, should they actually give Yo Han and Ga On time to talk — or touch — it might just turn out to be too gay. Or, alternatively, they'd have to make it so obviously not gay (to avoid censoring) that it would have ruined all their hard work and subtle build-up. Sometimes, not saying anything is better than saying too much. Sometimes, the easiest way to keep everyone happy is to just leave it as open for interpretation as possible and claim plausible deniability in both directions.

But it can't be denied that outside forces influenced that ending. @a-very-fond-farewell said it very aptly in their comment on Each Touch, by pointing out that had Ga On been a woman, that final scene would have looked very different. It would have been somewhere where Yo Han and Ga On could actually speak to each other, maybe hug, or perhaps go even further depending on the story/dynamic. And I'm in absolute agreement, which is why I wrote the ending to Each Touch the way I did.

That scene is, if you ask me, closer to what should have happened, if they'd been able to follow through on the tone and dynamic they'd set for this drama.

But, again, they couldn't. Partly due to time restrictions and, secondly, due to censoring issues. So we end up with a scene that takes place in a public space, so they can't really talk, can't really touch, but still, somehow, convey their love and longing for each other. Which, all things considered, still left me feeling pretty damn happy.

NOW. Even if we know that the setting for that scene (i.e. in a public place) has more to do with production reasons, there still has to be a reason for it in-universe. As in, to make it make sense in the canon of the story, we have to pretend that the choice was actually made by a character (Yo Han, in this case, since he's the one choosing when to approach Ga On) and not by the scriptwriter and/or director. And this sort of ties back a bit to that long rant I did about intent, because here we have a situation where the intent of the scene is to give closure, but outside factors mean that the presentation and execution of said closure might not actually be in harmony with the characters.

Like, let's make a thought experiment here. Imagine that there were no censoring issues. Imagine that there were no time restrictions. Everything in the drama still happens the way it does, right up until the hearing.

Do you really think that Yo Han, as you know him, would have chosen to approach Ga On in the way he did during that final scene? In a public place, where he can't actually talk to him?

Because I don't.

At least not with the information the drama gives me. Yo Han is a Dramatic Bitch, I know, and he's not always willing to talk about his trauma. But a month has passed. He's had time to think. He's had time to miss Ga On. And then he travels all the way to South Korea, just for that? Just to stare at Ga On? Without talking to him? When Yo Han is known for meeting every obstacle head-on? When he's clearly still very attached to Ga On? And, quite frankly, a very possessive person? Would he truly just leave like that? Without a word?

It just doesn't make sense.

So, as much as I like that ending scene and understand that it had to be the way it is due to various outside factors, it's also pretty out of character for Yo Han (she says boldly, as if she has any claim to say what's reasonable or not for a character she hasn't created).

Now, this still doesn't make the scene bad, but it does put us fans in the hilarious position of having to come up with a reason for why Yo Han might have done what he did, when the act itself kind of feels out of character. We have to find a motivation for something that doesn't actually make all that much sense. What reason could he possibly have had to act that way?

And me being the little shit that I am, will of course take this as an opportunity to come up with whatever batshit theory I please. Since, in the long run, it probably won't make much sense anyway since I'm basing it on actions that, in my opinion, are out of character to begin with.

I think Yo Han was scared.

I think Kang "The Abyss" Yo Han was too scared to talk to Ga On.

Because, as I mentioned in another ask I got about when Yo Han fell in love with Ga On, I think he realised it during that month between the explosion and the hearing. Because he got some distance, some time to calm down, some time to miss Ga On etc. And so I think Yo Han went back to Korea and maybe he actually planned to talk to Ga On (or hadn't decided) but then just... chickened out. Because he now knows he's in love and has no idea how to deal with that fact. Especially since he's still a little hurt over the betrayal and doesn't know what Ga On feels about the whole thing. Is Ga On still mourning Soo Hyun? Is Ga On even interested in men? Or, perhaps worst of all:

What if this month away from Yo Han's influence has made Ga On realise he was being manipulated and gaslit and now he doesn't want anything to do with Yo Han?

So, in short, I think Yo Han simply wasn't ready. He went there too soon, realised what a bad idea it was, but still wanted to at least see Ga On and maybe give them both some kind of closure (and maybe also try to figure out if Ga On hates him now). And hence the meeting being in a public place, so that Yo Han wouldn't have to have a conversation he wasn't ready for, because he wasn't sure how to talk to Ga On with all the lingering trauma and this new knowledge about his own feelings.

It was a choice Yo Han made to protect himself.

A choice he doesn't make in Each Touch because, in that story, he's been given enough proof of Ga On's interest to not have to worry as much. Interest Ga On showed before Soo Hyun died, which means it wasn't just a weird grief response, and so Yo Han doesn't feel as threatened by her. He's confident enough about his own and Ga On's feelings that he's actually willing to meet and talk with him.

And that's my theory! :D

Thank you so much to you both for asking 💜 Though I also feel a need to point out that this is, as always, mere speculation on my part — even more so than usual in this case, for the reasons stated above. And while I am thrilled (and proud) to hear that so many of you think that my opinions are accurate and very close to canon, always remember that it's okay to disagree with me. I don't have all the answers, even if I might make it sound like I do. I'm genuinely just guessing x'D

Anyhow! Thank you again! I'm so happy that you both enjoyed my fic and were curious enough to ask about this. You're both wonderful 💜

#Amethystina Writes #Anonymous #Times two!#... I'm soon going to need a spreadsheet to keep track of all of my rants x'D #And how they connect to each other #It's a spiderweb of meta commentary #Because I can't do things the easy was I guess #In all honesty #I don't think this theory is all that controversial #The hardest part would be to make Yo Han admit to it #Because he doesn't have weaknesses and all that #(except Ga On of course)#(but he technically never admitted to that either)#(it was just shoved in his face)

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