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valyalyon · 5 months

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August 8, 2028 - April 3, 2029

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CW: dead dove do not eat, domestic violence, mentions of drug addiction, dub con, smut, references to pregnancy loss. Explicit language. MDNI. 4.1K words.

August 8, 2028.

My friends hadn’t known that I was pregnant, we hadn’t told anyone, so when they invited Raphael and I to go to dinner with them for my 28th birthday, I agreed for us.

When he got home from work I told him. He wasn’t pleased, but he agreed, and called his mom over to stay in the house while the kids slept.

We arrived to dinner and greeted our friends at the table. Julius took Raphael’s attention away and the two men started to chat, while Natalie and Catalina began to shower me in love and compliments.

“I love that dress on you,” my 6 foot tall Catalina commented, spinning me in a full circle with her hand.

“Look at her ass,” Natalie added in a whisper to Cat.

The dress was skin tight and red. I guess I was lucky I didn’t gain much weight by week 19, most of the pounds had gone to my already fat ass.

I blushed and laughed with them, finally sitting down beside Raphael.

Raphael was wearing some black dress pants and a red button down, with his sleeves rolled up his arms. His muscles were out on display, but Julius was also showing off, instead in light pants and a blue button down.

The waiter came by and took drink orders.

“Whiskey,” Raphael nonchalantly ordered.

“A shot of Vodka, please,” Julius addressed the waiter, then turned his face to Raphael, “like our high school party nights… Back when we were drinking five vodka shots at a time.”

“Actually, let me change that. I’ll take three shots of vodka,” my arrogant husband updated his order.

“A margarita for me, please,” Cat added.

“Um… one long island ice tea,” Nat smiled at the waiter.

“Can I have a Mai Tai, please,” I finished.

We were all IDed with the waiter commenting on my birthday, “Happy birthday, pick a dessert or two and I won’t add it to the tab.”

I thanked him, while he dismissed himself.

Within a few minutes, he was back with all the drinks, interrupting our mindless chit-chatting.

“Birthday girl has to have her drink first,” he commented, placing my drink in front of me, and then passing out the remaining drinks quickly. He was there and gone in less than thirty seconds.

I was sipping my drink with the girls while they did the same, when Raphael and Julius finished their shots.

Again after only a few minutes, the waiter returned to take everyone’s food order. We went through this a bit slower, but he left as soon as his repeat of the order was confirmed by everyone.

Before I could return to my conversation with the girls, a laugh from Raphael caught my attention, I turned my eyes to him, “hm?”

Raphael was leaning into the table so everyone could hear him as he spoke to me, “you never get tired of being the center of attention do you? Especially when men come around.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked him outright, my anger seeping through me.

He just chuckled, and then added, “oh, birthday girl, I’ll do anything for you, birthday girl… And you’re just eating it up, aren’t you?”

The girls were looking back and forth between themselves as I was getting angrier with my husband, “are you seriously starting this in front of our friends?”

“You’re right, we’ll resolve this at home. Sorry to interrupt your girl time,” he rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Julius.

I was annoyed so I turned to the girls and said, “I’m sorry about him, ever since he decided to start mixing speed and alcohol, he gets like this now.”

Raphael turned his attention to me as Catalina started speaking, “you’re joking right?”

I looked into my husband’s black eyes, they were furious and his hand went to my thigh, digging his fingers in.

I turned back to Natalie and Catalina, “yeah. I am.”

“How has our favorite little family been? We haven’t seen any of you since Eden’s birthday in April…” Natalie spoke up, her eyes on mine.

I tore my eyes away from Nat as my husband’s grip on my thigh got tighter, “we’ve been okay… not entirely. Four days ago, I miscarried our son.”

“Dolores!” the girls voices rang out together, snapping me back to them.

Both of them were teary-eyed, reaching their hands across the table for me, Cat went first, “How have you been handling it?”

“I haven’t been,” I told her honestly, and then the waiter came over with all the food.

Dinner was an uneventful blur after that, as I refused to acknowledge my miscarriage anymore. I shut down and participated in vague festivities.

He brought out the dessert with a birthday candle in mine, the staff all sung along with my friends and husband.

I faded into the seat, wanted to cry and disappear, but I kept smiling through it all.

As I blew out my candle, Raphael gave me a kiss on the lips, and I tasted the liquor on his tongue. Why, love? Why?

I drank more that night than I had in years, eventually six glasses sat empty to the side of me.

…

The way the room turned when we got home. The kids weren’t there, sleeping instead at Raphael’s mom’s home.

I’m glad they were.

Because as soon as we got home…

You wanted me sadder.

It all devolved.

“Why do you always start something around my friends? Are you trying to prove something? I just don’t understand your logic,” I told him, when he slammed the door shut behind us.

I crossed my arms as he turned around to face me, he was over a foot taller than me, and he was double my size. He already proved he was able to hurt me, but I didn’t want to believe it. Or maybe, I just wasn’t afraid of the man I loved.

I couldn’t fear him, even when he pushed me against the wall hard enough that the house shook with shock.

“Don’t you fucking break something you fucking druggie!” I slurred my words, unfortunately being drunk didn’t help me make my argument.

“Why would you say that in front of your friends?” He asked heatedly, then he tossed me to the ground.

My hands instinctively went down to catch myself and I was able to stand pretty quickly, but this only made him more angry. He kicked me behind the knee to the ground.

When I landed on my knees he kicked me in the back, pressing his foot and body weight to my lower back.

“Ow!” I whined out, wriggling beneath his weight, “you’re a fucking piece of shit human, Raphael! I hope you know that.”

“Am I?” Raphael asked, with his eyebrows raised, he was getting down onto the ground. He replaced his foot with his knee and knelt on my lower back.

He pulled my dress up over my ass and started to smack it real hard, “you have something in your blood that tells you to disrespect me.”

“Fuck you, are you going to spew on a racist tirade now about how Cubans and Mexicans are too different and I need to be beaten into shape?” I screamed from where I was pinned.

“If so, spare me the fucking speech, my God,” I begged, putting my hands in a prayer position by moving onto my side slightly.

Raphael punched me in the face.

It was one hard punch in the nose, and I felt the blood spilling down my face immediately. The blood exploded onto the floor beneath my face.

I moaned through my pain, complaining out loud, “Raphael, you broke my nose… you broke my nose, you psychopath…”

“It’s not my fault,” Raphael came to my face, his lips pressing to mine.

He flipped me onto my back, he held me down with his body weight on mine, his face pressed to my bloody one, “te adoro, mi tesoro. You know that, you know that I adore you… you’re mine…”

“You fucking broke my nose,” I sobbed, tears streaming down my face, “are you not going to apologize?”

“You know I’m sorry, amor,” Raphael promised, kissing my lips and tears while continuing to invade my mouth.

“I never meant to hurt you, Lola,” Raphael helped me to my feet.

He led me to the bathroom where he cleaned the blood off my face as I continued to cry. When he reached for the first aid kit, I looked at my knees because they were hurting.

Sure enough, my knees were red and starting to bruise from when Raphael pushed me.

Wearing nothing but the summer bruises on my knees…

I started to shake in between sobs, choking out, “why do you do this to me, Raphael? Why? I’m the mother of your children, what is wrong with you?”

His eyes softened as I looked into them, an expression of pain filling his face, “yeah… so much is wrong with me, actually…”

“How long, Raphael?” I cried out, getting on my knees to hug his legs and sob.

He reached down for me, holding onto me as he crouched down. He didn’t kneel all the way down, still towering over me, his hand touching my wet cheeks, “how long what?”

“How long have you been taking speed? I saw you when we came back from the hospital,” my voice trembled as I spoke.

“December 2025 — when we went to the Caribbean. Julius gave me one of his prescription pills and I liked how it made me feel so I started using for parties. I used on and off but stopped for a while after Eden was born and started again for my birthday.”

“You need to stop,” I told him, “you’re not the man I married when you’re on it. You’re violent and cruel.”

“Okay, I will… I hate hurting you, Dolores. I love you,” and he kissed me as he said it, but I felt the blood starting to trickle from my nose again.

I know that we’ve got problems, I plan to address them another day…

December 18, 2028.

For months, he was good on his word and the physical violence during fights almost entirely disappeared. On our four year wedding anniversary, he told me that he had invited friends over for a vow renewal. He asked me to wear my wedding dress.

Somehow, despite years of pregnancies, the dress still fit. I didn’t do much to my hair except make sure that none of my curls looked knotted, and then I applied red lipstick.

Everyone was dressed up in formal dresses or suits, with Natalie and Catalina wearing the same dresses from the wedding.

Once I was standing in front of Raphael, I noticed he had decided to wear the same suit, except this time he had no tie, his jacket was open, and his shirt wasn’t fully buttoned.

I see in technicolor, maybe I’ll take my glasses off so I stop painting red flags green.

He took my hands in his and I fell in love with him even more as he spoke. He had added all three of the kids into his vows, his smile absolutely blowing me away as he promised me the world — much like that winter day four years ago.

I was lost in the heat of the moment, the words escaping me as I read my own vows in front of everyone. Raphael’s smile never wavered, his grip on my hand was tight and warm.

By the end of that, Raphael was kissing me while everyone applauded us and cheered.

We walked together into the group but separated within a few seconds to interact with our friends. I went to my friends, and it was immediately after the girls hugged me that Catalina asked, “Dolores, are you happy?”

I was confused as I looked at my oldest friend, “Of course… why?”

“You don’t look the way you did on your wedding day,” Natalie mentioned, touching my hair, “there’s something in your eyes.”

My friends don’t know how bad it gets, I’m out here…

Raphael came through the crowd, laughing with his friends as he took my arm and pulled me away from the girls. He spun me and brought me into his arms to kiss me in front of everyone.

I smiled up at my husband, trying to forget what my friends had said for a moment.

Raphael was on fire, and when everyone left, he turned and kissed me in the entry way of the house, “Let me take off your wedding dress.”

I nodded my head up at him, kissing him back.

He led me to the bedroom and stood behind me, tossing his jacket down on a seat beside the bed. He started to untie my dress from the back, and his hands were as hot as I loved them.

My body trembled as the dress came off my body and I stood there braless with lacey white panties. He touched my lower body with his burning hands, and then he spanked my ass, bending me over onto the bed.

I moaned and held onto the sheets, as I felt him start to trace his fingers along my panty line. He tugged on them, taking them off my body, then slipping two fingers immediately into my pussy.

“Raphael…” I gasped, my head turning slightly to try and see him.

He held onto my hair and buried my face into the sheets, “shh… don’t make a sound. The kids are asleep…”

“Mmm…” I bit back my moans, my body trembling against his fingers.

Within just a few seconds, he replaced the fingers with his cock. It was rock hard and I was red hot, I felt my world spinning around me as he rammed himself all the way in.

“Fuuuck, Raphael…” it actually hurt a little, I came to realize, but I couldn’t stop moving my ass to meet his thrusts.

He put my legs up on the bed, and continued to thrust into me from a better angle, his hand squeezing onto my hips. He was so angry, all of a sudden — I could feel it. Especially, when his free hand slammed down to spank my ass.

“Aaa,” I felt myself beginning to drool, as the feeling of his power came over me. He was so sexy, even messily dressed like my husband. I love him…

He grabbed all my hair with the same free hand that spanked me, and he pulled it back really hard as he thrusts got harder, “do you like that? Be quiet! Shut it… the kids, Lola… calm it…”

I was breathing out into the sky, my head being pulled back by his strong hand. I reached a hand up to my mouth, covered it up, and moaned, my eyes swooning along.

He let go of my hair and eventually flipped me over onto my back. Still, we were just at the foot of the bed. He stood, and plowed into me, facing me.

He wouldn’t break eye contact as he started another fight.

His thrusts slowed for a second, “Why were you and my boss talking next to the girls? Were you starting something with my boss? It seemed very private.”

“He was congratulating us,” I responded, annoyed, moving my hips along his cock, trying to encourage him, “no one is like you, Raphael… why do you think I’m interested in anyone else?”

“He’s an old man, you’re my gorgeous wife… Screw me for not wanting people like that around you,” Raphael spitefully spoke, but he continued his thrusts, this time though he was hurting me even more.

I didn’t know what to do, I was melting into it, moaning and staring up at him with sweet eyes. “Raphael… why are you so jealous? Why?”

“You’re always ready to be fucked,” he expressed angrily, pinching my nipples even as I tried to push his hands away from them, “you had nothing under your dress. Stupid…”

“Fuuuck, stop! Don’t touch me there… ahhh…” I was trembling, moving along his cock though, my pussy wetter than ever.

“You wanted that? Didn’t you… You wanted to be fucked by somebody else at this party… Who the fuck was it? Who were you naked for, slut?” Raphael started escalating, his voice getting meaner. He slapped my face, very lightly at first.

I didn’t even think he had meant it, I thought he was just joking. So I teased, “who do you think, big guy?”

He slapped me across the face real hard this time, enough to where I called out in surprise, “hey!”

“Fuck as if I know. There were too many men there, and you don’t have a type, you’ll take whatever you can get,” he said it so spitefully, but continued his aggressive thrusts.

Each one was reaching into my stomach, and I was moaning desperately, kissing him and trying to get him to get over it. But his fingers crept up around my neck, and he started to squeeze real hard as he continued to kiss me.

“I could fucking kill you,” he whispered against my lips as his grip got so tight that I thought I was seeing different colors in my vision, “I could fucking kill you… you know that, why?”

His thrusts didn’t stop, not for a second. I was lost in all the pleasure, my eyes dimmed, my skin got light, but I kissed him back every time he kissed me.

When he loosened his grip, I moaned, “Raphael… daddy… please… take it easy on me. You’re being so mean.”

I felt his fingers pull off my neck, and he pulled out. I thought it was over, but he sat down on the love seat by the bed, and he spoke, “come here.”

“What if I don’t? You’re going to hurt me, I know that,” I told him, standing up from the edge of the bed and starting to back up.

Before I could even run, he had me by the arm. I struggled against him, only for him to pull me up off the ground, and onto his hard cock. He slid me down, and I moaned as he walked me over to the love seat.

As I started to struggle again, he quickly took charge and made it clear to me that I wasn’t escaping him until he came. He made himself comfortable in the seat, and started thrusting up to meet me very quickly.

My breasts bounced along with each thrust, and at first he suckled on them happily and gingerly. Then he quickly started to bite a little more, suck and leave hickeys all over them.

I clutched onto him, “stop leaving hickeys…” I tried to pull away, but he pulled me right back on, harshly.

Tell me that nobody else touches you like I do, like I do, oh, tell me that nobody else touches you like me.

“Why? So another man can use your body instead of me? I’m your husband. This is mine,” he touched all over my body, sucking on my breasts and slamming my pussy down on his thrusting cock.

“I’m all yours but I won’t be able to wear tank tops if you leave hickeys all over my breasts,” I explained, riding him and moaning as I did.

“Maybe you shouldn’t even be wearing anything that shows your body,” he finally said, wrapping his hands around my throat as he aggressively thrusted up into me, “have some respect for me… Even your wedding dress… The slit? Off the shoulder? Did you do all of that the first time to seduce Julius?”

He was squeezing too tight for me to respond, so I only moved my hips along with his thrusts. His aggression was hard to match but I wouldn’t be put to shame by him.

He released one hand from the suffocating grip, but this hand smacked my face real hard. He hadn’t hit me that badly since before my birthday.

Finally, he groaned, his thrusts slamming all the way up to my cervix, “fuuuck… I’m cumming, take it, Lola…”

Is it sad that I still came with him? I trembled against my husband as he finished inside my body, I happily took every drop. Even though he had just hit me, I forgave him… I had to…

Undated diary entry, presumed to be between December 2028 and April 2029:

How did I start to forgive him for everything?

He hits me every few days, my kids have heard or caught glances. It’s weird how everything has changed, suddenly.

He says no to therapy, he says no to rehab, he says using doesn’t make him a bad person, he says… so many things. I’m tired of listening to all of it, but I never stop loving him.

I excuse it to myself: he’s never been violent right in front of the kids and they don’t seem to understand.

April 3, 2029.

On this day, they understood.

Eden is two, her hair is curly and goes to her shoulders. Her eyes are dark like her father’s, but she’s got my eye shape. She sits on her own having her dinner, her big brothers sit on either side of her.

I smile when I see them all together, they’re growing up so fast. Theo’s blue eyes meet mine from across the table and he smiles at me. After smiling back at my eldest, I turned my attention to my middle, my honey-eyed Leon.

Our eyes were reflections of each other, we were very similar, but sometimes he was too serious. For him, I made a face, making him laugh quickly.

My eyes went to my youngest again, and her dark eyes were smiling up at me. She had a big grin on her face and was trying to explain that my joke was funny, “mama… Leon…”

That’s when the door opened, and Raphael came storming in. I don’t know, to this day, what he was thinking that day.

“HOLY FUCK!” Raphael screamed at the entry way of the house, followed by slamming the door shut.

The whole house shook, and Eden bounced, her eyes widened. Leon looked startled, but he was protective of his sister and had turned to her instinctively. Theo’s eyes had widened and he turned his attention to the hall, “dad?”

He rushed into view, and when he saw me, his eyes were full of rage. He came at me in front of the kids and next thing I know, I’m on the ground staring up at Raphael.

He punched me in the face multiple times, I don’t know why — I don’t get it to this day. I don’t know if he was planning on stopping, but he only pulled away when Theo rushed behind him.

Theo hit Raphael’s leg multiple times, and Leon screamed from his chair, “GO AWAY DAD!” He was hiding his sister with his little arms.

Theo shoved Raphael away from me, stepping in between us and hugging me tightly, “stop it! If you’re going to hit my mama, you have to hit me first!”

Something must have snapped in Raphael, because he sobered up, apologizing, “I didn’t mean to hit your mama, Theo, I’m sorry.”

“You hit mama a lot!” Theo turned to him so angrily, I’d never seen a five year old so pissed off, especially not my happy-go-lucky Theo, “Look at her! You’re a mean father.”

Raphael, I guess attempting to calm the kids down, went over to Eden and picked her up, “come on, everyone, it’s okay… it wasn’t something you should take seriously.”

Eden hadn’t made a sound since her dad came in, but now — in Raphael’s arms — she started to scream at the top of her lungs. She pushed, cried, and hit him with little balled up fists, “down!”

He listened and put her down in her seat, Eden’s eyes were full of tears and she ran over to hug me. I pulled her into my arms, along with Theo, but Leon was staring at his dad.

Leon’s eyebrows were furrowed angrily and he was just staring at his dad, “don’t touch me. We’re not friends.”

Raphael sighed and walked away to calm down. Leon quickly jumped off the chair and ran over to me once he was gone.

All three of my kids burst into tears and I just held them. Why did he do this?

Stressful day today actually ~ In other news, this post took me soo long to write! Hope everyone enjoyed it <3 I know it ends abruptly but that's fine... The next post will be for (at least) April 4, 2029 and we're going to get a resolution to this last incident.

SONG REFERENCES Fishtail by Lana del Rey Asylum by Elijah Blond Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat by Del Water Gap

#dub con #tw dv #yandere #bully #jealousy #dead dove do not eat #smut #writeblr #lyondie #bluestlyon #booklr #dark romance #original story #creative writing #literature

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prettytoperfectioninayear · 7 months

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Welcome~

This is a side blog to hold myself accountable as I make some rapid fire changes to my appearance and life. I have 1 full year from my birthday to make some massive changes before I turn 25, plus I have a big trip coming and I want to look my absolute best.

I'm anticipating a lot of tears, sweaty mornings/nights, and some complaining. TW I will talk about weight in most of my posts as I am on a muscle gaining journey.

I also had a scary realization that most people live lives of quiet medicore desperation. Life is so short and Death is so long. I want to get my body together NOW because I've wasted enough of my life dissatisfied and desperate.

Black woman, 5'3", 24 years old.

What I WANT to do in a year

Lose 15lbs Fat

Gain 5lbs Muscle

Rhinoplasty

Teeth whitened

Full body hair removal

4C Hair grown 16 inches

Clear skin (Face): Pores/Strawberry Face, Pimples, Dark spots.

Clear skin (Body): Pores, Dark spots, ingrown hair marks, strawberry legs.

Eyebrows Microbladed

35 Piece Preppy Capsule closet with quality tailored clothes

What I can ACTUALLY do in a year

8lbs Fat lost (16 weeks)

4C hair grown 6 inches longer

5lbs Muscle gain (4 months)

Face hair removal 1k

Maybe colored contacts

~~~

Teeth whitened (120$)

Eyebrows Microbladed

Clear skin Face

Clear skin Body

Starting point:

130lbs skinny fat body

No pimples but dark spots, large strawberry pores

Faded microbladed eyebrows

Teeth are straight but still in braces

4 inches of 4C hair grown

Semi preppy style with low quality clothes

Body: Hairy, dark spots, strawberry legs

End point: Update March 14th 2025.

#pinned post #edit later #glow up challenge

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starknature · 1 year

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I'll update this post daily because I don't want to keep posting over and over 💀

Day 1: Stats

SW: 98lbs? I might have realized I had a problem a bit before that but I genuinely don't remember.

HW: 115lbs, I was 15/16 and Jesus given my proportions it was so bad.

Lw: 82.5

Current weight is 84

BMI: 14.9.

I want to at least get down to 80lbs but I'll take as low as I can get and still be able to maintain my job.

Day 2:

I'm 5'3", and no, I do not. Too short lol, causes intense dysphoria.

Day 3:

They're similar to my build, just thinner. They don't have the extra fat I do. I think these pictures are my favourite thinsp0

Day 4: my greatest fear is that I'll have to quit for my job, or that I'll be forced to recover if my family notices.

Day 5: I first wanted to lose weight because I have very round features, I have a round face, its all very feminine. I can't medically transition right now where I live, and I'm more angular and masculine looking when I'm thinner. Boobs are made of fat, the women in my family carry their weight around the middle and in the hips and I refuse to gain anymore, and I need to lose what I've got. I'm not a woman and it's throwing off my silhouette. It's gotten to the point where I now realize I'm fat regardless, and especially where I carry it is unacceptable and unnecessary.

Day 6: I don't think that my binging technically fits the criteria because at most I eat a couple to a few hundred calories over my limit, but I do feel in the moment like I can't stop, and it's still going over my limit so I count it as binging.

Day 7: I know my mom knows to some extent, but I don't have to worry about her doing anything about it because I don't live with her. Noone else really notices, fortunately, except for my brother that recognized it because of his own eating disorder.

Day 8: I have chronic pain so I don't exercise much outside of work, I'll go on long walks though when my joints let me out of the house💀 at work I'm running back and forth across a store and carrying heavy crap, and it's a mile away from the house so that helps with getting my steps in.

Day 9: my curves, chubby face and where I carry fat around my hips heavily contribute to my misgendering, although not the sole reason. Family members also used to make comments frequently.

Day 10: DR. PEPPER!!! THE DIET/0 SUGAR TASTES LIKE CRAP. Also my Autistic Comfort Food™️ dollar spicy ramen bowl. I'd eat one every day istg, half the time I'd omad it but literally a month before I relapsed hard, the guilt got to be too much LMFAO

Day 11: I don't necessarily have a favourite thinspo blog? But I do keep up with DecomposedMoon on twt.

Day 12: Sometimes 100cal oatmeal with flax seeds, I'll eat rice cakes with a little whipped strawberry cream cheese, those 70cal protein buffalo tuna salad packs, idk. I'm just getting into making shakes and I ordered vanilla protein powder so excited about that.

Day 13: I'm trying to mainly eat healthy foods but am definitely restricting more than is considered healthy, so an unhealthy way.

#ana trigger #ed not sheeren #tw ed diet #tw ana shit #tw restriction #4norexi4 #@nor3xia #eating d1sorder #male ed #@nor3×14 #ftm ana #ftm 4n4 #ftm ed

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full-loup · 1 year

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[Health Issues/Extreme Weight Gain] The Vixen Who Ate Too Much - Prologue

[Content Warning: The following story will contain depictions of Sex, Life Support Equipment, Health Issues, Extreme Levels of Weight Gain, and Immobility]

Finally getting around to posting this one here and updating my tumblr in general. Please read the above warning, and if those sound like things you don't like then you'd be best not reading the story after the break!

Chapter One: A Heavy Risk

The door to the hallway was sealed, the lights were off, and the room was empty except for her. Nobody would notice the deep, husky moaning and mewling of the medical suite’s only occupant, but they would notice the alarm. As the blue vixen’s heart rate increased, a notification was sent out from the robotic assistant that floated nearby, monitoring her just in case something went wrong. Krystal couldn’t care less however, lost to the hot pulsing pleasure rippling throughout the entirety of her massive body.

She didn’t see the holographic display light up the room, didn’t hear the beeping of the cardiograph readout growing faster and faster, didn’t notice as her heart pounded faster with every thick moan, every wheezing breath. She wasn’t breathing through the tubes of the oxygen mask that had been inserted into her nostrils, instead her mouth hung open, tongue lolling as she took heavy, strained, gasping breaths.

Just as Krystal leaned back into herself, fur standing on end, body tensing, she cried out in orgasm, blushing hotly and breathing even more heavily as the nurses attending her rushed into the room. Snapping back to reality as the lights went on, the prickling ecstasy that had filled the vixen was rapidly being replaced by a cold, sinking dread. Her fat cheeks only grew redder as the two female nursed rushed about the room, checking her vitals and grabbing the appropriate medicine. The one closest to her, a young coyote woman, was pressing her gloved gently against Krystal’s flabby chest as her eyes were fixed on the holographic display being projected from the robotic assistant. Krystal could only grunt and wince as she felt her heart pound faster and faster. Her arousal had already gotten it beating hard, but the shock of her telepathic link with Fox being severed combined with the panic of being interrupted by her nurses only made things that much worse. The vixen tried desperately to calm herself, but her panic was spiraling out of control, especially as the sudden and growing discomfort in her obese abdomen started to morph into a startling, spiking pain.

“Just settle down now! Everything will be alright,” The coyote said, her eyes flitting to give the blue vixen a reassuring glance before dancing back to the numbers and charts on the hologram. The other nurse, a female monkey with tan fur turned to look back at her colleague while holding up a hypodermic needle she had pulled from a nearby stash of supplies.

“We going to need it?” She asked her, fingers already gripped around the needle’s cap as she awaited the coyote’s response.

“Maybe,” The coyote said before finally looking away from the hologram and towards the immobile woman before her, pressing her gloved paws to Krystal’s enormously bloated gut, “Just gimme another minute.”

Krystal whimpered deeply as the pain continued to swell inside of her, wanting desperately to ask the nurse if things were as bad as it felt, but too panicked to even think of forcing words past her constant gasping breaths. All she could do now was wait as the coyote girl sunk her fingers into her blubbery belly, pushing and searching for something only she knew was there. Krystal simply waited, huffed, and…

“Huff…! Unnngghhh..! …UUUUUUUUUURRRRRRPPPPPP!”

The blush on Krystal’s face deepened further as the incredibly forceful belch erupted past her plump lips, forcing her to breath even more deeply once it had cleared her throat. A few smaller, yet still abnormally large belches followed soon after, leaving a deep, soothing relief within the vixen’s belly as the frightening pain from before quickly disappeared. The coyote girl smiled up at her patient, snapping her gloves off her paws and tossing them in a bin before she wiped the sweat from her brow.

“See there? Told you everything would be alright,” The woman chuckled, “Just a bunch of gas is all. No need to be alarmed. Though there is still the matter of your rapid… heart…”

Krystal hadn’t stopped blushing since the nurses arrived, and it only grew worse now as she was overwhelmed with shame, the vixen looking down as best as the rings of fat that now comprised her neck would allow, just far enough that she was no longer making eye contact with the coyote nurse. She could tell that the other woman was sniffing the air now, heavy scents filling the room, most of them from Krystal’s body, almost all of them reeking of her sweat and arousal.

Even under normal circumstances, or as normal as things had been at the medical station ever since Krystal had been brought there, she couldn’t bear to look at the coyote girl. Her thin, lithe, canine body reminded her too much of the vixen’s own… or at least the one she had lost, the one she had before she put on all this… fat. Things might have been easier on the blue fox girl if she could remember how she had gotten to be like this, but somehow she couldn’t, part of her condition she supposed. All she could remember was she had taken a job to recon one of Andross’s old facilities on Aquas while Fox and the others were busy on Venom and was on her way down to the surface. Next thing she knew she had found herself in the medical suite she was in now, on a hospital station in orbit around the planet for use by the Cornerian military forces stationed in the area. She had woken up earlier this morning, almost a whole week having been lost from her memory and over two tons gained upon her once athletic and shapely body.

Now Krystal was anything but shapely, unless a massive blob of fat could be counted as a shape. Her titanic belly spilled out in front of her across the cold tile of the room’s floor, dominating her obese form, second only to a pair of mammoth and bare blue-furred asscheeks that spread out behind her. Her breasts, already sizable but perky, had ballooned in girth yet now sagged on top of and to the sides of her tremendous stomach, each nipple plump and uncovered for anyone who entered the room to see. The vixen’s limbs hadn’t escaped her massive gain, each arm swallowed by rolls of thick blue flab, distorting the white markings that ringed them, her thighs now little more than mounds of blubber themselves that sat to the sides of Krystal’s gut, each on crowned by her plump and now useless feet. Even the vixen’s face had put on weight, flabby cheeks sagging on each side of her head, her chin having doubled then tripled as it sagged and merged into the rings of flab that her neck had become, a set of thick lips wet with drool as she continued to breath heavily through her open mouth.

“You’re fine…” The coyote girl reassured the fat vixen soothingly as the monkey girl set the needle down and pulled off her own gloves, “I know you’ve had a bit of a scare just now, but please, you need to breath through the mask.”

“Just gas, huh?” She said, pulling down a surgical mask she had put on upon entering the room, her nose wrinkling a bit, “Mind if I get going? Think we’re going to need to wash her soon…”

The coyote nodded as Krystal whimpered again with shame, waiting until the monkey nurse left the room before she tried to speak, finding it much easier now that she had followed the canine nurse’s advice and was breathing much easily with the oxygen’s assistance. The freakishly fat blue vixen took a deep breath of the gas then groaned in her deepened, rumbling strained voice, “Sorry…”

The coyote frowned as she looked back from the hologram to Krystal and sighed, “Please don’t be dear, we’re the ones that should be sorry…”

Krystal whined a bit, forcing herself to look at the nurse, “You still… huff… huff… don’t know if… nnff… you can cure…”

The nurse only shook her head, covering her mouth with her paw, her turn to look away now, “I’m sorry. No, not yet. We still can’t even figure out what did this to you or… or why you keep getting bigger…”

“B-Bigger..?” Krystal grunted out, eyes widening, heart rate going back up again.

“Oh no, sorry, the memory thing too… Dammit,” The coyote shook her head, “I’m so sorry, I know this isn’t inspiring a lot of confidence, but I promise you miss, I will do everything I can to help you.”

Krystal frowned, fighting back tears in her eyes, but nodded as best as she could, “Thank you.”

Just as the nurse was about to say something else, a shrill ringing sounded from a speaker in the ceiling of the medical suite, sending the girl rushing over to a small hologram projector embedded into the floor and causing Krystal’s ears to perk up, “Answer!” The coyote barked softly, bringing up the holographic image of a middle-aged Doberman woman with long red hair styled into a sleek wave that did well to frame her face, adorned in a rather regal yet minimalistic business suit.

“Madame Administrator! It’s such an honor!” The nurse yipped in surprise.

“Nurse Guildenster-“

The nurse stammered, “Rosenstern actually…”

“How is the patient?” The holographic projection asked, her floating visage staring at the other canine, “I heard about the disturbance, we need to be sure that she is being treated well and is kept in stable condition.”

“Of course Madame Administrator,” Nurse Rosenstern bowed, “She is doing fine, I just have been making sure she is comfortable and reassuring her that those assigned to her case are working hard to help her recover!”

Krystal continued to watch this all with great interest, not being able to do much else seeing as she was very much pinned to the ground by her own bulk. She thought momentarily of addressing the Doberman herself about the issue, but figured that she was likely too busy to deal patiently with her fat-strained and wheeze-punctuated speech, so she remained quiet.

“Very good Nurse!” The Doberman continued, proffering a brisk but brief smile, “I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how much of a debt we owe to Fox McCloud and his team, including their newest member here. Keep up the good work, and continue making this facility proud.”

The hologram disappeared just as the coyote barked an enthusiastic, “Yes Madame!” before she turned back to the blue-furred fox girl, placing her bare paw on Krystal’s stomach, firmly but reassuringly as she looked back up at her, “We’ll take care of you Krystal. I promise.”

Krystal smiled down at her warmly, and the coyote smiled back as she pulled her hand back from the vixen’s sweat-drenched blue fur, not even bothering to wipe it off, at least not in front of the other woman, “Now don’t thank me just yet sweetie, but we’ll do our best to fix this, trust me. Now you keep breathing through that mask and try to get some rest,” She said, moving for the hallway, the door to the room sliding open automatically as she approached, “And no more exciting dreams, alright? I don’t know how you got so worked up, but we’re going to have to clean you up pretty soon. Just let me get some supplies, okay?”

The blue Cerinian blushed but nodded as the other woman left, leaving her alone once more, the immobile and gigantically obese vixen already feeling exhausted as she quickly drifted off into a deep sleep.

Deep below the room where Krystal was being treated for her bizarre and unexplained weight gain, there was a rather dark and poorly lit set of corridors. The area was normally empty, only being used for maintenance on some of the station’s power supply and a few backup generators that had never been used. Thus it was quite odd that a figure steeped in shadow stepped quickly along a catwalk, and even odder when one considered that her feminine hips weren’t clothed in the bulky coveralls of a maintenance worker but something a bit more revealing.

Another odd fact, this one pertaining to the room itself and not any current occupants, was that it contained the only exterior communications device that was not connected to any recording software, the station overhaul enacted to install such protocols having overlooked said device. It was for this reason that the aforementioned shadowy figure had travelled so far down into the bowels of the station and it was for this reason that she now reached for the button which activated the transmitting speaker, entering a very specific set of numbers so that she could reach…

“Hey! Titania Salvage! How can I help you?” A chipper voice answered.

“This is the operative onboard Aquas’s orbital med-station.” The woman stated calmly, “I’m here to give my report.” The man on the other end replied, his voice now gruff and curt, “Patching you through. One moment.”

The woman waited until she heard another male voice come on the line, this one deep, authoritative, and dripping with menace. It uttered only one word.

“Speak.”

“I apologize for taking so long to update you my lord, but I’m happy to say that your plan is being carried out to perfection. McCloud’s girlfriend is on the station now and will be our prisoner once we seize control of the facility. We have the bait just as you wanted.”

“The experiment was… effective then?” The voice growled. Hearing its tone in the near pitch-black corridor made the woman’s skin crawl.

“Extremely effective, just as you had hoped sir,” She continued, holding back a laugh more inspired by wracked nerves than genuine mirth, “By the time she arrived into the station’s care, the vixen already appeared to have passed well into morbid obesity. Contact with the experiment proved to have just the results as desired, and it continues to respond to the stimuli you suggested to be used. I have also made sure that she has been well-fed ever since her arrival and that she is drugged after every session, she does not remember a thing.”

“Interesting…” The man drawled, pausing to consider the various schemes in play, “Then she is immobilized?”

“Yes, my lord.”

“Then the trap is complete. Feed her one more time to be sure, but be quick about it. Star Fox is already on its way, and so is my own detachment.”

“The station will be ready for their arrival, I will be sure its defenses are compromised at the perfect time, just as I promised you.” The woman said, tapping the wall the comm device rested on gently.

“And just as I promised you, you shall be rewarded immensely…” The voice said, his tone an enticing purr one moment, a venomous hiss the next, “If you do not fail me.”

“Of course…” the woman said after a long pause. She struggled to maintain composure, unable to hide the slight tremor in her voice as she ended her report, “Of course not, Lord Andross.”

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aerinkate · 1 year

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MicroKillers

Runner-up in the University of Portsmouth Short Story Prize 2023

A weight lifted as the doctor took Lily from my arms and laid her on the medical table.

“Daddy, weren't you coming too?”

The tails of the body straps were hanging just out of sight beside her.

“No, baby, I have to wait here. But I’ll see you in fifthteen minutes.”

I pinched the fat on her cheeks and the doctor carted her toward the double doors.

Her mother had described the procedure to me before Lily was born. Back then, they provided a curtain and even a chaperone if the girls were particularly anxious about the discomfort.

Back then, the council could afford anaethesia too.

Drumming rumbled through my ears as I caught the last sight of my daughter between the doors, her gappy smile still intact. The silence that followed left the sinking realisation that she would not have gone quietly had I resisted.

A dull howling began to trickle through the doors.

⤧

At our next visit the following month, another doctor, whose jovial nature would not be contained by the triviality of a waistline, assisted Lily through the glass doors at the hospital entrance.

“Okay! Good news first.” Lily hovered by the office door. I pulled her over, my comfort rejected as she wrestled in my arms. “Lily’s infection is gone, which means she is now eligible to be put into the system and matched. Today — with your permission, sir.”

Lily pressed her fist into my chest. It had been her eleventh birthday yesterday and I’d promised we’d see the rides at the pier after her appointment.

“You want to match her today?”

“Oh, goodness!” The doctor laughed. “If only things were still so efficient. No, the process may take some months.”

Fabric tightened around my collar and I suppressed a choke. I captured Lily’s fist and rocked her, wondering how far we could make it beyond the channel, if we found a boat, before the wasteland consumed us or we starved…

“Unfortunately, the physical t-r-a-u-m-a from the removal for cryopreservation has left some questions regarding her fertility. However, we are confident that any faults will be corrected with a viable match, okay?”

Her mother would’ve known how to delay all of this.

“And her heart?”

“There aren’t any indications that your daughter has inherited your match’s—”

“Lucy.”

“...Lucy’s arrhythmia. Lily’s sangius-plasticus is lower than the current average for girls her age.”

⤧

Lily’s partner, Nicholas, fourteen, seemed too old to have lived so long unmatched.

“He has incredibly low sanguis-plasicus levels,” the doctor had said, “and his life expectancy is almost forty! Wonderful news for your gene pool, sir.”

Behind the thick rim of his glasses, Nicholas’s face swarmed with acne. He stood frigidly on the pier and stared at Lily.

I found the boy's father to be rather charming. He had dedicated his life to substituting epoxy resin—

“That used to line our food rations, didn’t it, Daddy?” Lily interjected.

“It did indeed,” Nicholas’s father replied. “My product not only combats microplastic infusion but contains isoflavones. Do you know what those are?”

“Isn’t that for old women?”

“Well, yes,” Nicholas piped up, “but Dad found a way to enhance their cancer fighting properties—”

“Even if the tumor is already growing?”

“Iso’s slow the growth, see…”

Nicholas’s father and I smiled at one another. It appeared the pair had their intelligence to bond over, Nicholas gaining a side to Lily I had yet to meet.

For his sake, I hoped it would be enough by the time he was due to fertilise.

⤧

“It hurts, Daddy, it hurts so bad—”

“Not long now, baby. It’ll all be worth it, I promise.”

I wiped sweat from her forehead, her face convulsing pink and agonised— a gasp clawed its way out of her.

“Update, nurse?”

“Still not at transition. Patient is not yet fully dilated, sir.”

Lily had been disabled by contractions for eighteen hours at this point. She grasped my hand and cried out for her mother.

The doctor motioned for the nurse, and they stepped beyond the opaque window. Exasperation etched through the glass, I jolted as the nurse threw her clipboard at the doctor. Lily howls, drawing my attention until the doctor reenters.

“I need to operate, if you would step outside.”

Behind him, the nurse's arm lays exposed and twitching on the marmoleum floor.

“I-I’m staying for the birth of my grandchild.”

Lily rocked beside me. I stepped between her and the doctor, feigning strength.

“You must step outside, sir.”

Security’s padded silhouette passed the window.

“No. I am staying with my child—”

Lily’s hand clamped around my arm as security yanked my shirt.

“Daddy, look after my baby—”

I saw the minutes trapped in her eyes.

“—Promise me, Daddy.”

She squeezed my hand and time became tame.

Eternity stretched between us.

I let her go.

— A. K. D

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meditating-dog-lover · 1 month

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Health update

My skin is getting better. My face was red and itchy not too long ago but is getting better. My neck as well, I'm applying antibiotic and anti-fungal ointment on 3x a day. Like I said, strict dieting makes me susceptible to skin inflammation and infections. I understand where the infections and rashes came from, I just want them to go away.

My hands have a few inflamed spots. Again I'm not too upset about it given that I'm in a recovery process and I haven't been using any steroids. I used to use steroids weekly. If I need to use them every 2-3 weeks, that's also fine. The fact that I'm not using them weekly and my skin looks better than it did when I was using them weekly is a move in the right direction. So I'm not too hopeless.

The rashes and eczema should subside with the recovery process. The infections will go away with the ointments, but shouldn't come back as I recover.

Like I said I want to find a way where I can balance my diet and fasting without gaining my weight back. I don't want to experience anymore inflammation, but I worked hard to keep the weight off. So I want a balance between the 2. I quit fasting 3 weeks ago and have been eating well. Again I'm in a recovery process, but I've been eating well in the morning (a light snack of peanut butter and cheese/banana and seeds or nuts). So even on my fast days I'm having a high fat snack before noon which apparently doesn't break your fast.

I used to eat breakfast everyday last year. But there are days n my cycle where fasting would be a better option. Even then having a light snack in the morning (rather than breakfast) and not eating past 8 is a good plan to follow. Again, what I do/don't eat will depend on where I'm at in my cycle. I'll get the hang of it, but I'm not fasting 24/7 anymore. I know for this reason, quitting my fast won't ruin my weight progress. I'm just sick and tired of the inflammation and fatigue, but I am getting better.

I did a mineral scan today. While I do take supplements and eat an anti-inflammatory diet, I do have issues with absorbing nutrients. My doctor recommends I take a digestive enzyme with each meal. It's a good thing I asked because I've been thinking about enzymes and have spoken about it here. I know a lot of people benefit from them and doctors recommend them in general. A lot of people have issues with digesting things like protein and dairy. So they really can come in handy. I have the Codeage fermented enzymes. I think the serving size is 1, but I might push it to 2-3x a day. They say to definitely take it with a large meal, and my largest meal I think is my dinner. So taking one before dinner can help. I was recommended to take one before I take my first meal and multivitamin. The supplement also has probiotics, so I don't need a seperate probiotic supplement. I feel like enzymes are much more useful than probiotics. Again given that my scan showed deficiencies even though I do supplement and eat a lot of foods with certain nutrients I was low on goes to show I do have an absorption issue. Taking enzymes and making sure I'm not struggling with intestinal permeability helps.

One thing I like about that enzyme supplement is that it contains phytase, which helps break down phytic acid, which is a certain form of how phosphorus is stored in certain foods. Nuts, seeds, grains and other plant-based sources of phosphorus are stored in this way. Unfortunately, it makes it harder to absorb, unlike animal-based sources of phosphorus (cheese, yogurt, eggs, fish, chicken, red meat, and organ meat), which are not in phytic acid form. I'm not sure why but I'm not absorbing phosphorus. It could be for this reason or just the general fact that I have malabsorption as a whole. Taking a supplement with a complete enzyme profile can help regardless. I don't know much about the science behind phytic acid, I just know that dentists (the ones who are more nutrition focused beyond floss and fluoride) don't like it. I've heard that soaking foods with phytic acid is a good option, but that's too much effort and I'd much rather just take an enzyme.

I was told gluten causes intestinal permeability. Unfortunately I love bread so I don't want to quit that. I eat healthy sources of bread like oats and sprouted grains. I don't eat white processed bread unless I'm eating out/special occasion. I know that processed stuff is inflammatory. Like the enzymes, I'm going to continue drinking aloe juice to support my gut health. Enzymes for digestion, aloe for intestinal lining support.

I'll see how often to take the enzymes. Taking it before I take my supplements helps too, as well as my first and my largest meals. I'll figure a balance out. I hope aloe will help with my intestinal health as well. Again I don't want to cut out gluten because cutting out foods will just lead to more food fear and anxiety.

I also want to prevent reinfection, so I'll do an h pylori breath test every year as part of my annual physical. I want to make sure I don't experience downstream infections as well like staph and strep (really it's the h pylori and low stomach acid that causes it because low stomach acid levels = no sterilization process = gut infections). I will continue to chew slowly and drink aloe juice, as well as add in the enzyme 2-3 times a day. I'll figure out how to take the enzyme because it's a new thing I recently implemented. Then I'll worry about HCl and reinfection (stomach and intestinal). I feel like enzymes combined with the aloe juice, supplements, and anti-inflammatory diet can really help.

I'm confident I will heal. I don't mind not being perfect health, I just don't want to feel sick, hopeless and like I'm declining and don't have any support.

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chloeworships · 2 months

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Quick Updates:

1️⃣ More "cuts" are coming. I assume this is about the economy

2️⃣ I was shown the words

"policy dismissal, $54 million”…. "UNCLEAN".

3️⃣ In the spiritual sense, unclean means SINFUL. There could be a $54 million loss due to policies and, dismissals (being fired) could occur. When the LORD blesses us with wealth, we are to use it responsibly and to help others, not just ourselves. $54 M’s is alot. Ouch💥

4️⃣ I saw a portal in the backyard of a persons mansion in the City of Brampton. It was HUGE. Pray to have it closed so spirits cannot enter the home.

🕳️

5️⃣ I was shown the word

"STOCK"

This could have something to do with the LORD reminding us to stock up on what we need because of the years of famine and or we will hear some major news about the STOCK market.

6️⃣🐊 God showed me the fingers of Leviathan and he said he is going to cut them off 👀 This is for sending this spirit. This morning I have a vision of a female tiger with her paw severely wounded and wrapped with a bandage 🩹 She could barely walk 😭 This punishment is severe.

7️⃣ I was shown the LORD's hand 🪬 He stamped a document TWICE. The stamp said APPROVED ✅ Interestingly, the stamp of approval looked similar to the classified stamp 👀

Two approvals are coming. This is a promise being fulfilled about receiving a double portion. SN: this morning the LORD said to me "you will receive a double dose of honour for your shame" See the below scripture for deets. This is for you.

Second interpretation: God approves of something you did recently or he is giving you the stamp of approval to go ahead with something. Yes, take action. All in all, expect to receive some good news!

I’d keep the good news to yourself due to the classified nature of this message.

8️⃣ I keep hearing

"Gun Lobby"

probably about seven times or more. For the LORD to do that, it means something mega serious is happening.

9️⃣ The Spirit of Doubt was sent to someone. I have renamed this spirit "The Inquisitor". This is the voice of false accusation. This could have also been a thought form created by witches/warlocks. They act like demons but they are not. They are balls of energy created with an intent and sent to the victim. I saw them before around the parameter of my home. They can be created to speak evil to you.

The LORD said he is “sending it back” to whoever sent it to you. Recall, when the LORD sent a tormenting spirit to Saul and the deceiving, lying spirit to the 400 prophets of Baal. This is what is going to occur to someone. They do not have a mental illness. They are or will be tortured right back by demons. This is also confirmation that back to sender prayers are definitely REAL. The LORD has never said to me he was sending anything back explicitly in this way…… VERBATIM

A which man? 👀 #madman

When God confirms his word, I am left TAPPED OUT 🥵

1️⃣0️⃣ The Fat Man... whoever sent that spirit to you and/or your wife is suffering GREATLY right now (more on the wife later). Oh yes. I saw him in the spirit realm and he looked a little like Nicolas CAGE but with about 300+ extra pounds. He was bleeding profusely from its head. The blood was trickling down his entire face and he was standing amongst a group of people. It felt as though he was in a lounge. The blood reminded me of the crown of thorns placed upon Jesus. He had a painful yet twisted evil smile. This is how I know the person is suffering because of what they have done. This demon is verbally abusive, causes sickness (stomach issues and weight-gain) is gluttonous and greedy.

SN: Understand that narcs are OBSESSED with their bodies. They don't workout to be healthy. They workout to maintain their self-image and to appeal to others. Know the difference. It's self-idolatry. Spot the fake influencer culture, babes and remind your kids that social media while fun, engaging and entertaining, is an ~illusion~ I heard the word "staging" this morning to confirm this.

1️⃣1️⃣ Lastly, SUPERNATURAL DEBT CANCELLATION will occur for someone. Believe it!! Congratulations!

1️⃣2️⃣ Opps I forgot to say I heard

"Liquidators"

A business will have to file for bankruptcy. It’s going under 🚢😓

We make (business) mistakes and that’s a fact of life. Hopefully we learn from them and push forward. I pray for whoever this message is for, they will bounce back like it never happened.

Remember to pray and ask the LORD to bless all your endeavours. Having the “Midas Touch”, isn’t enough. We can do nothing concrete and lasting without the help of God, The Almighty ✨Below is the story of the blind man Jesus healed of whom the Pharisees investigated. They didn’t believe Jesus healed him but the man believed.

While writing this I heard the LORD say

“You should have listened to me” 🤯

When I read John 9:13-34 NLT in its entirety, I knew I had heard correctly. Please know the LORD is saying this to correct whoever this message is for. He gives us specific instructions for a reason 📋 and we are to follow them to the T to avoid catastrophic losses.

Interestingly, I heard something about a vine this week and remembered the below scripture. In it, Jesus speaks of being the vine of the Kingdom and being nothing without HIM. Without a vine, no leaves, flowers, crops or fruit can grow 🌹🍃🍓 Trees are synonymous with wealth 🌳

#quick updates

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recoveringhopefulsoul · 3 months

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July 7, 2024

My bad for not updating yesterday. I spent a lot of time gaming and studying.

I have some ED-related thoughts today that I'm not necessarily proud of, but it is what it is. I was looking through some recovery meal photos and all of them look so high fat, as in all I saw were desserts for the most part. I did see some healthier options, but mostly all the sweets. I eat baked goods too, but the portions of these things were incredible and really grossed me out. I have had thoughts about people appearing overweight after recovery, specifically friends I was in treatment with who have, what society would say, "let themselves go." But they're happy, so I should be happy for them, and I am. Still, I have this terrible fear of looking like that and gaining that much weight in recovery.

I think it's why I'm a little upset with my weight right now. It is higher than I want it to be, but it's still under 100% of what my IBW is. But that fear is still there that if I'm not careful, I could end up like my friends and look too heavy, especially for my body type. I have a small frame, whereas some of my friends don't have a naturally small frame. Again, I feel terrible thinking like that, but I need to honor the thoughts I am having in order to work through them.

That being said, ED thoughts do still abound even though I am in strong recovery at this point. I can at least notice them and reappraise them, but that doesn't take away the fear. That may always be with me, and that is related I think to societal standards more than my traumas, which is sort of an odd thing for me as my ED has always been related to specifically my CPTSD and not to a fear of being fat. At least, not until now that I'm in recovery and suddenly started noticing these things. Perhaps I noticed them before and didn't realize it at the time because of the trauma stuff being so strong. I don't know.

In other news, it's been a week since I've showered again, and I am going to try to find the strength to go in and shower now, even if I don't wash my hair. I think if I don't wash my hair, I'll be able to handle it. For some reason, my brain sees it as this gigantic chore because of what happens after I shower. I have to brush through my extremely long hair, then put it up so it doesn't irritate me, and then I have to do all of my skin care stuff so my face doesn't dry out from just being cleaned. I deal with dehydrated and dry skin at times, so essences, serums, and moisturizers are a must for me or my skin looks awful. I wonder if I picked up dry shampoo if that would help? I've never looked into it before, so maybe I should and see if it would be useful or potentially damage my hair. I have extremely thin hair that's prone to breakage unfortunately, so I have to be very careful with haircare products.

Huh. My cat is in my shorts drawer. Why?

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alysezzpo · 3 months

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June 27, 2024 - #5

Today's Weigh in: 326.8 / 148 kg

BMI: 52.7 (Obesity Class III)

Total Weight Lost: 25.4 lbs / 11.5 kg

Weight Left Until Next GW (325 lbs): 1.8 lbs / <1 kg

Time Left Until GW Deadline (July 1st): 4 days

WEIGHT LEFT UNTIL ULTRA #1 (288 lbs): 38.8 lbs/

17.6 kg

𖢻 ཐི༏ཋྀ󠀮 𖢻

Heyo. Haven’t updated cause I gained 4.4 lbs last weekend from stuffing my face and decided to make up for it with a 68 hour fast. I binged yesterday (chicken caprese sandwich, green bean casserole, and takis), but purged, so there’s that. It felt nice to eat after fasting. Made me not feel depressed lol.

And, Hello?? Are you telling me I’ve lost almost 15 lbs in 10 days??? I’m in awe… and only 1.8 lbs away from my #1 GW!!

I have surgery scheduled for August 21st, 2024. I want to be 300 lbs by then (preferably 299 lbs) At the rate I’m going it should be possible.

Also trying to stop weighing myself every day cause if I don’t lose at least 1 lb a day I feel like a failure… but watching the number drop is so addictive. I know my weightloss will slow down soon so I’m trying to drop the habit now before it’s too late.

I’m fasting again till Saturday evening. I know I’ll be at my GW by then. I want to be at 320 lbs by 4th of July so I can eat without purging/ starving for the 4th and 5th. I’m going to the beach with my 2 (and only) best friends (we are eating brats, hamburgers, etc. ya’ know; typical American Independence Day food) and then hobo pies the next night (we are going camping on the 5th.)

Both of them are fat. I feel bad for looking at them that way, but I do. And it’s not even fair cause out of us 3 I’m the ones who weight is in between them both. One is 260 lbs and the other is 400+ lbs. I have always wanted to weigh less than both of them. The 400+ lbs friend has always weighed more than me since we met in highschool, but the other friend has really blown up in the past 5 years. She use to be 80 lbs lighter than me (when I was at my lowest). With the surgery and my success so far, it won’t be long till I am smaller than all of them. I know they both say they don’t care about their weight, but I know if I got skinnier than them both that they’d be envious as hell. I’ve always been obese since I met them.

Anyway, the plan is to fast for 72 hours, and then on Saturday evening me and my husband are making a pizza from scratch. I’m excited for that, as well as watching my almost 10-month-old daughter try pizza for the first time! Hoping I can be at 223 lbs by Saturday. 3.8 lbs. Fingers crossed 🤞

#originalpost #pro miiia #alysezpoweightloss #th1gh g@p #tw ed but not sheeran #thinspø

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rara-glowup-journey13 · 6 months

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2024년 3월 30일 | Thoughts

This isn't easy for me to do. But being overweight and feeling insecure all the time is harder. I have to do this for myself. For all the pretty clothes I want to wear. For all the pictures I want to take. And for the little me that's been always bullied for being chubby. I'm academically successful and go to one of the top universities in Korea, and it wasn't easy for me to get here. For my studies, determination and consistency were the key. I had difficult days where I lost hope and wanted to give up, but I didn't because of how much I wanted to have what I have now. Now, it's time for me to apply the same principal and strategy to losing weight. I have lost weight before but I always keep gaining it back, because I'm sadly never consistent when it comes to dieting and working out. But I know that a lot of other people were just like me and they somehow found the strength to fight all the negative feelings and thoughts that were stopping them from becoming a healthier version of themselves. Now it's my turn. April is about to start soon, and I want to make it one of the best months for me this year. I will make it happen. I will eat healthy everyday, I will study everyday and get closer to my academic goals, I will workout at least 3x a week (for a starter), I will journal at least once everyday, I will invest time on weekends to read. I will make this happen, because it's all up to me. To motivate myself, I will stick notes next to my desk to remind myself of why I wanted to start. I will re-position my desk and try to make small changes in my environment to feel like it's actually a fresh start. I will organize everything and make sure I plan all the meals of the week on Notion and check the groceries I'd need for them. I will focus more on positive affirmations and try to fall in love with myself the way I am right now. I believe that loving life while you're trying to become healthier is such an exciting thing. You wake up in the morning and you feel happy because it's a new day and a closer step to your weight loss goal. I used to have those thoughts before, but I can't seem to find them again this time and I don't know why. I will try to find a way to feel that way again, and I will dress well, do my makeup, take pictures and go out with my friends to feel better. Even though it's honestly not easy at all for me to socialize a lot because of the hatred that I have for myself. It's difficult and I feel so overwhelmed when I think about it. Because honestly whenever I go out I feel like people are staring at my body and judging how fat I am. And fyi, I live in South Korea and the beauty standards here are insane but I honestly never fit in my country's beauty standards either; only body wise. I know I have a pretty face. Anyways, most importantly, I will keep updating this blog whether what I'm feeling is good or bad, I will share my wins and failures here. Nobody is even reading this and that makes it such a safe space for me.

Now I'm gonna enjoy the rest of my day, resting, plotting and scheming.

Tomorrow will be Season 1 Ep 1 of my glow up journey. A skinny healthy me, here I come. 💪

#its my time #this is my year #april is the month that will make a difference

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theorist-influencer-untitled · 10 months

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12.6.23 Wednesday

2:43 pm

It is 6th today the day which the "Devil"will celebrate it is either good or bad....Weird! I'm having headache...

I just wanna contradict something, I want a positive 6th, a celebration for something good... I hope and pray to the earth buddha or whatever God's that are existing ...

We actually have 4 God's in 4 corners of the universe....Sometimes I feel bad coz I feel very,very,very jealous since 2007 that I can't get progress... I feel flattened and smashed without a fair fight and 16 years, too long, too much for smashing someone...

I feel bad here in Cavite 60% but there are some good people I do believe, some good new friends like Ely.... I really just wanna leave Cavite hoping in a lil while...

Well, I'm planning to try my luck again on call center by this coming Friday, that I asked for a small amount of money from my Biological Father just to apply coz we are really on a tight budgeting these days here and I have personal expenses... I feel bitter like I can't go back to GYM's,which I feel self-pity and bitter... About me on liking HIM (Borgy) how to exist on earth to have a small moment of glow for me to see him that I know there are wicked people still in the society keep on observing and holding my wings for me not to be able to flip it...

By Friday I'm really thinking where will I go, in Manila or somewhere here or nearby but my FEAR that probably there are people who will just use me here in Cavite then abandon me or just simply following me on whatever agenda they have...

My FEAR if I'm gonna apply here in Cavite, if they have an account or they will always tell me that I got hired but waiting for the account...

Here in Iqor, I don't know still no update of rewaving though they told me that I was for rewave but I just need to wait...

I feel self-pity and I feel so ugly and fat... I wanna remove my "deep smile lines"and I really wanna perfect my nose coz our face is important to show than our pepeh or vagina, aside from it is my belief of doing the "Golden Aging".

Though, "Golden Aging" is supposed to be a total "Golden Aging"... I'm panicking, so much and I feel jealous...

I wonder, still wondering if Mitch is part of that particular group? Did she give me a "simple battery" since 2007?

Who are these people who gave me that "simple battery"???

3:09 pm

Call me crazy, call me vain... Sometimes, I wanna change my artist name as Vanity or Venus??? I was just really thinking call me Vanity? Or call me Bunny ( hoping, positively on a high ground ;)) or call me Venus? I DON'T KNOW...

But still Peachy/ Peaches / Peach...

youtube

3:38 pm

Huh! Uncle DD?

9:18 pm

Still,having windblow... It suddenly came up into my head, where is Harley ( Mitch ) now??? Did she do something??? I miss Harley in a way...

My last post last night, I was thinking what and where did I see Borgy on a 2nd time? Hmm.....I think I saw his big penis on Bench, he gained weight,his position on the Bench picture was like a buddha or inviting a soul to do a "lotus position" on him... It was on SM dasma. BENCH PICTURE MODEL...

This is the partner of that buddha picture... I went to SM Dasma. and I went to studio, from the past years there was a studio there in SM. The photographer asked me what will you do to these pictorial? I just said I will apply as an artist or model but the truth was I just want a memory of myself... It was my upbringing...

It was my way since elementary and I didn't do anything yet even on my nose, I had some pictorial moment with my friends...

I'm having headache, I'm so stress thinking of money and job...

9:34 pm

I still have windblow...I still wanna perfect my nose and to remove my "deep smile lines" yeah!

For example me and Borgy will be together and confirmed bf-gf in a lil while, I still want Borgy to respect me, even my new beauty will just for the 2 of us,gets angels? I'm really vanity and I'm for "golden aging"... Be fair... I died for nothing since 2007 but I know how to thrift coz I know the value of money and I know it is hard to earn money these days...

I just wanna borrow Borgy's wallet for starbucks and buy that 20 pesoses XXL eyebrows and check if I can do some botox hahaha... I'm fucking seloza ( jealous kind ) and for my golden aging...

I need to work,right? Of course, I still need to work... For my personal self-fulfillment...

youtube

9:58 pm

Of all pictures of Borgy, this is really my super favorite and sometimes I really wanna cry....He will just know it, if time comes that we will meet in the future or in a lil while... ???

A college bf...

Rock, Pebbles & Sand Dunes...

youtube

#Youtube

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