#Utter Dumbasses

[frangipani-wanderlust]

Due to a certain mutual, I started watching this show.

The Character Bits: This is alright television.

The Calls For Service Bits: Ohmigosh. 🥰 They're all so stupid! ❤️

There's no way any of these people would have a job if they worked in actual emergency services.

[rbatt014]

Walking Spanish

People don’t know who I am. But more than enough people know who Roy Edroso is. I sorta came to him by way of his blog (how could you forget a band name like his?), and now he is a Substacker, which I am happy to pay for even if I don’t have the time to read him every day. He’s kind of like I am, wandering into musings about culture and politics, but he’s also a master satirist and deep thinker.…

[cerise-on-top]

hi :D if you do character x character (with possibly x reader, too) headcanons, may i request nikprice hcs? aghh.. i love them so much, but there's (in my opinion) little content of them compared to other ships.. if you do have to add reader into it too thats okay :) i don't mind poly (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

but besides that how are you doing? i hope youre doing good :]

Hey there! I'm doing well, thank you! I've actually got five days off next week, which I'm really looking forward to! Plus I get to go to my regular department again too soon enough! But unfortunately, the other apprentice left me with so much work ^^;

NikPrice and NikPrice x Reader

NikPrice:

Although the two of them may be a bit older than some of their peers, they can still be considered idiots, especially when they’re with one another. Sometimes they get weirdly competitive with each other, which can result in either of them getting hurt. Nikolai leads Chimera and Price leads the TF141, both of them sometimes need to show off just how good they are at some things. Nikolai is usually a pretty calm guy, but he does get a bit cocky with Price, so he’ll instigate some competitions. Who can carry the most groceries. Who can find the most dogs and take pictures with them. Who will be favored the most for the week among their boys. It’s just dumb things, and Nikolai does try to cheat his way through most of them, but Price knows him well enough by now to know how he will try to weasel his way into victory. Price usually plays fair and forces Nikolai to do the same. The winner gets bragging rights and that’s about it. Sometimes they poker on who pays for dinner, but they don’t really mess around too much when it comes to more serious stuff. However, they both also compete with each other to show off just how good of a partner they are, even if there’s no need to do that anymore. They can both be proud as peacocks and always need to outdo one another.

Although it may sound stupid, the two of them do spar with each other from time to time. Since they’re about equal in strength it’s actually quite interesting to watch the two of them fight, both have a pretty good technique as well. However, Nikolai has more experience under his belt since he’s quite a bit older than Price. Again, he’s also not above cheating by trying to entice Price with just about anything he can think of. They’re adults, they’re leaders, but they are still morons with each other. Sometimes they fight over the TV remote when Price wants to watch his football game and Nikolai wants to tease him. Price gets mad every time he misses the football game just because he lost to his stupid lover. Nikolai gets a good laugh out of it every time. Although he may love Price more than anyone else, he can be a playful and cocky bastard at times. He makes up for it by taking Price to a real football game in a stadium, though. Can’t enrage the boyfriend too much all the time. Price is usually overjoyed when he does since he gets really into it. There’s nothing better than enjoying some football with Nikolai. Unless Nikolai teases Price about his team losing. In that case the two of them won’t be talking more than necessary for an hour. However, Price goes back to normal after the initial anger of his team losing has worn off.

Nikolai is actually a chef of the master class. He can cook just about anything and make it well at that too. Since he’s been pretty much everywhere at this point he’s learned quite a few recipes from all around the world. He also knows how to use his spices well. Though, his favorite recipes to make are still Russian ones. The two of them cook together often, it relaxes them. Besides, Price gets the privilege of eating Nikolai’s pirozhki before anyone else does. It’s an honor to him since he’s never had anything better in his life. Loves being Nikolai’s taste tester as well. Price isn’t as good a cook as Nikolai, but he does like showing his appreciation for all the good food by cooking something in return. However, his food is kind of bland. It could be worse, but it could also use a lot more spices. Nikolai used to tease Price about that before, but he’s stopped since as Price really does put a lot of effort into cooking for Nikolai. The latter really isn’t so mean to genuinely hurt his boyfriend like that. He does give Price some constructive criticism, though. Offers to help with cooking next time, but both of them know that Nikolai will just take the lead. But in the end, they both really do enjoy cooking with each other, regardless of who makes the main dish. They also get really chatty during it.

NikPrice x Reader

Considering how long they’ve been with each other, they've gotten used to it, but you genuinely cannot cuddle them during summer. You’ll become a sweaty mess and won’t be able to sleep at all since they’re both very warm. Nikolai more so than Price. However, the two of them can cuddle each other just fine since they’re used to warmer nights because of all the missions they’ve gone on. However, it’s pretty nice in winter. They’re two big, burly and warm men who love to make you feel toasty. Price is actually a pretty cuddly guy and Nikolai can be too with the right people. If you’re not on the cuddly side then they’ll settle for giving you a pat on the back every once in a while or just holding your hand. But Price loves touching you and Nikolai. He doesn’t need to do it every single waking moment, but it’s nice to hold your loved ones. Nikolai can go either way, but he’s pretty cuddly with Price. Sometimes the two of them fight over who gets to be the big spoon, other times they’ll just plop into each other’s arms. If you’re shorter than them then you’ll likely get sandwiched between them. If you’re as tall or taller than them then they might ask you to take on the role of big spoon. Sure, they won’t mind it when you’re shorter than them, but they’ll chuckle since you’re just a little backpack.

Both of them will try to teach you how to fight and defend yourself. Even if you’re capable of that already, they’ll teach you something anyway. They’re both military men, they know what they’re talking about. Besides, it’s not as unlikely as one might think that you might get hurt because of them. You need to be able to defend yourself. They’ll take turns teaching you, improving your form and all. They’ll sometimes even deliberately spar in front of you so you could learn something from them fighting with each other. They won’t be as rough with you as they are with each other, especially not if you’re not part of the military, but they’ll be diligent in teaching you either way. If you’re part of the military then they’ll be rougher with you, but not as rough as with each other. Nikolai and Price have known each other for so long, they know where each other’s limits are. You’re the newest addition, so there’s still things they need to get to know. But I can assure you they will take good care of you. They’ll also reward you if you’re doing especially well during your little training lessons. Nikolai tries to bribe you into doing well by offering to cook your favorite meal if you do so.

The two of them actually spoil you rotten, especially if you don’t earn as much money as they do. Nikolai earns even more money than Price, so he has quite a lot to spend. Loves buying you and him all kinds of things. These can range from something useful to just something he saw and thought you might like. Price doesn’t like being indebted to people, so he always tries to buy Nikolai something back, even insisting that he shouldn’t buy him as many things. Nikolai never listens to him in that regard. And since Price buys Nikolai things he has to buy something for you as well. Sometimes it’s just your favorite kind of cake, sometimes it’s some nice and expensive jewelry. It’s always a mystery with Price. You don’t have to feel obligated to buy them something either. You’re more than welcome to if you have the finances to do so, but if you usually barely get by then you really shouldn’t have to. In fact, if you don’t have a lot of money then the two of them will pay for just about anything you need. Clothes, food, other necessities. It doesn’t matter. Together they have more money than they know what to do with anyway. It’s nice to spend it on someone you love and make them happy anyway. Don’t pay them back, they’ll find your bank account and return the money. They love you, let them pamper you like the little royalty you are.

[molinaesque]

"You have brought yourself low."

[the-acid-pear]

Y'know this little throwaway gag is so bizarre to me and I know this game is a bit very different to 2 and 3 but look at Matt's reaction when Jack raids the place in 3:

You'd argue he's simply stopping Jack bc he hates this guy and he also hates this job which Could Be True but i highly doubt bc overall despite his virginity and overall cursed vibe, Matt seems to be a good employee, by all means (I mean, Peter literally gave him a vacation instead of firing him in 2, so that says a lot).

Plus, Dave hates this guy as much as he hates him! He literally always calls him creepy and, AND!

This is the only footage you get of the prize corner in 2. Which is also the first game to show Matt and Dave's disdain for one another, Dave being likely more scared of Matt than Matt will ever be of him.

Which is all very curious. 2 does set a drastic change for Matt too with him going from being just strange to outright creepy, so was the old pizza place closing something that actually affected him or was he consistently that creepy all along? And if the later, did he just start hating Dave after that or did they always have beef and they simply had some sort of arrangement (or even higher word from Steven who tended to let Dave do whatever he wanted in general) that let him do so?

[good-beansdraws]

Still going crazy over those lines from the anniversary stream !!!

[reinabeestudio]

Tfw the wind blows your hat away AGAIN and you gotta go find it in the middle of a blizzard atop a mountain by yourself

[yourqueenb]

This is so stupid. Like this actually pisses me off

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

The Spider tag is a fucking MINEFIELD I just opened it to see if there were any good posts I needed to add to the queue and I scrolled for less than a minute and saw a post saying Lo’ak shot first and Lyle Wainfleet was justified in shooting Neteyam in self defense (not true and also INSANE TAKE) and a post that said Spider saying “don’t hurt her” and Kiri saying “don’t kill him” means Spider didn’t think Quaritch was capable of killing Kiri (W I L D) skskskskksks ya’ll need JESUS, especially that first post. 

[lyricalt]

[tf2 mini fic] doghouse

REDsniper/REDspy + BLU Scout. 30 minute lunch break.

[ao3]

[lauronk]

excuse me i just need to rant about some bs with my dentist real quick

filled out an appointment request like three weeks ago, said i need cavity fillings (because i have cavities, which i know from doing a previous exam, x-rays, and fillings at a different location for the same provider. and also because i eat too much sweet stuff, so. duh.). said here are my available times

finally get a response and it says "it sounds like you need an exam and x-rays! we squeeze these in between other patients, so there will be a 5-45 minute wait after you arrive until a dentist becomes available! here are the recommended times!" and proceeds to list 6 times that are all OUTSIDE the times i said i was available. literally none of the days or times match. so either i'm dumb and filled it out wrong, or they just didn't read it

and now i'm just trying to figure out how to respond politely and say i am not a new patient, i requested cavity fillings, why can you not look at what you should already have on file for me, and also can you give me a better option of times because, as indicated in my request form, i am not available at 2:30 on a monday and especially not with only three days notice

[blueiight]

Lol u got it brah u cooked me🔥😩

[rbatt014]

Burn Baby Burn

By now, “burner phone” has entered the lexicon, thanks in part to “The Wire”. You all probably know the deal. You buy them with cash, use them and then destroy them. A great way to keep phone records from prying investigators. So why were high level January 6 Trump rally organizers using them? It’s hard to say-the Kremers had a pair, and the other user is unknown. But the Kremers were in contact…

[nugoober]

wtf is animal anatomy is that some sort of drink /silly

(Yes, this is my art. Don't steal it. Feel free to copy and trace all you want, just credit me.) (Specifically for beginner artists to trace/copy.)

((Wondering why you would trace over my shitty art))

[iforimaginary]

Coming to you -once again- with another fanfic trailer! I’ve been on a roll with TMA related works recently and Lonely Eyes are slowly becoming my ultimate OTP…

Extract Title: Make A Mercy Out Of Me

Extract Type: Trailer

Extract Length: 474W

Extract Status: Incomplete

Extract Warnings: N/A

“I came as soon as I got the telegram,” Peter proclaimed as he absentmindedly shrugged off his coat and reached out towards the hanger positioned by the door of the head office “Dahl wasn’t particularly hasty with his delivery.” he complained lightheartedly, rolling up the sleeves of his turtleneck. 

This was hardly a novel procedure. Another clueless non-deserving employee, another youthful potential-ridden body. It was tradition at this rate; Peter would simply come by to gauge what he’d be working with for the next few decades or so. He trusted his partner’s taste for the most part, he was yet to make too outrageous a choice when it came to looks. Peter couldn’t help but wonder if his personal preferences were ever a factor in the lineup.

“Better late than never.” a voice, much too young for the acumen it carried, echoed across the high ceilings from behind a grandiose oak desk on the opposite end of the room “I appreciate it’s hard getting to London on short notice from an unmarked location across the oceans.”

It was his way of thanks, Peter acknowledged, or the closest he would ever get to one. “Don’t be daft, it's hardly a hassle.” he dismissed with a wave, and for the first time since entering the office- looked up to gaze upon the man who would henceforth be known as the face of the Magnus Institute. 

And so there he stood- Jonah Magnus… or more accurately Elias Bouchard if the freshly etched name plate positioned upon the glazed lip of the desk was anything to go by. This Elias could very well be a sight for sore eyes of a deprived sailor, if given time to brew that is. He noticeably lost at least an inch of height since James. Regally dark chestnut hair, cropped reasonably short, was straining to snap out of its gelled comb over; virgin and untamed in the way of old fashioned styles. His cheekbones sat high, higher than they did on Wright if Peter recalled correctly, dusted lightly with a naive shade of pink. Hands that pressed against the polished wood as he leaned over the writing table, albeit being meticulously manicured, were very evidently callow. A meanly priced Vivien Westwood waistcoat Peter remembers gifting him in ‘78 hugged his torso deliciously, accentuating the sinch in his waist. The Captain couldn’t help but imagine what this vessel might look like weathered with age, a few sophisticated wrinkles above his brow, a few tastefully greying strands… 

Then Peter finally looked, properly looked, at the eyes of his long standing partner.

And all was still. Utterly motionless. A man who more often than not relished in the comforting glory of deafening silence, found himself longing for a cacophony like an addict for a cigarette. An addict who’d long swore off the habit. 

“Oh Jonah…”

[mcrmaidlesbian]

It’s been 14 years and y’all still don’t understand why the ending to ATLA is criticized, despite there having been numerous posts explaining why written since then. Embarrassing.