#WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU OWNED A HIPPIE COMMUNE

[goatmilksoda]

Events with moms side of the family: "did you hear about how Jeanette's mom's college roommate's sister got engaged to a doctor?"

Events with dads side of the family: "yeah, I am psychically channeling the twin that Ben ate in utero.... anyway, do you want to hear the story of how I was conceived?"

[plantboiart]

List of bitb headcanons I’ve just accidentally convinced myself are canon or something to the point where I’m shocked when they aren’t (under the cut so I dont needlessly fill up people’s feeds and also for spoilers)

-Rolan is a gay man

-Rolan did not realize he was a gay man until like his mid to late 20s

-Kian’s parents were drug addicts and very neglectful (I mean there’s subtext pointing to it but like technically all we know about them is that they’re hippies, they’re part of a “commune” (probably a cult) and they didn’t give him a last name)

-Rand has a stockier build than the other two. I don’t. He’s very skinny in official art. But in my brain? No he is not. Bro is chubby.

-Rolan was raised very religious and now he has issues

-Kian’s death and rebirth left him with a very large scar on his stomach (listen all I’m saying is the stingers like melt your skin and shit so if he swallowed it it would have done that to him from the inside starting at his stomach and also-)

-Rand is aroace but because he’s pretty sex positive and romance like neutral / positive he ends up thinking he’s bi

-Rolan had a cat with en ex-girlfriend but she took it when they broke up because Rolan’s a workaholic (mutual decision)

-Kian was definitely homeless at some point or at least very very much struggling for money while still trying to make the rockstar thing work

-Rand is dyslexic. Don’t really know where that came from and it’s not based on anything I just feel it in my soul

-Rolan can’t actually like… get sick. At least not with any kind of human illnesses. He just thought he had a very good immune system for the longest time.

-Kian is so so so very trans!!! Which direction? Depends entirely on what I feel like writing that day

-Rand was left a lot of shit in both of the other twos’ wills so post canon he’d be financially speaking pretty okay. Once he was doing a bit better he’d spend some of that money to just fucking start a record label, publish Kian’s music, and then leave conspiracy theorists going wild when the record label never publishes anything else ever again

-Rolan is the only one of the three who has like… actual other friends. They’re mostly from college and stuff and they’re not super close anymore but still call from time to time

-Kian calls Rolan hot nonchalantly

-Rand attempted before (please tell me you’ve seen the original please it’s meant to be a joke but also. Uh. Yeah.)

-All three of them are autistic. You know I’m right.

-The bugs can buzz in a way that has a similar effect to a cat’s purring :)

-Also on the bugs: they have a hierarchy that consists of

The queen (starts the hive, typically stays in the nest, not really of this mortal plane so needs a host to like tether them to it (Rachel), very intelligent and obviously rules the hive),

What I am choosing to call impostors for funny (more intelligent than average workers, are fully aware of what they are and what’s going on but can still pretend to be just normal people, act as a sort of middle man between the queen and the workers, mostly in charge of reproduction and gathering intel, keep and have all the knowledge from the person they are pretending to be),

And then the workers (not very smart on their own and need the hivemind to have like any idea what to do, have basically two minds aka the human mind and the bug mind, only one of which can typically be in control at a time, not capable of reproduction (mostly so i dont have to think about the implications of the bugs canonically laying eggs and Rolan), main purpose is to expand the hive, get food and protect the queen)

[oohnotvery]

Throwing Good After Bad (Chapter 13)

Mulder

When Mulder wakes, the first thing he notices is the sound. Rain—riotous, thundering, unrelenting—battering the ceilings and windows of wherever-the-fuck-he-is. Pressing past an advancing headache, he quickly takes stock of his other senses. He has the vague notion that he is lying on something uncomfortable—like a hardwood floor—and that he is bound at his wrists and ankles by an itchy, scratchy rope.

He blinks his eyes open and immediately slams them shut again as bright overhead lights flood his vision. Swearing fiercely, he shoves himself to sitting before trying that again. The next time he opens his eyes, he’s prepared for the blinding assault and doesn’t shy away from the brightness.

He scans the room quickly, immediately placing himself inside the lodge. Beside him lies Lydia, who is starting to come to as well. A little past her sits Joe, who flashes him a look he can’t quite decipher. Is that fear or anger? And right beside Joe sits Scully, who is wearing a murderously outraged expression. Mulder locks eyes with her, once again relieved to see that she is alive.

“Everyone okay?” he asks roughly, and everyone nods.

Thunder unfurls from the sky and the building’s windows rattle.  

He’s about to try to scoot over to Scully when a set of interior doors opens and a stream of people pour in. Mulder initially tries to count them but quickly loses track. This must be the entire community, here to watch them . . . die? Jules and Harlan enter behind the procession, faces tight and expressions grim.

Evan is mysteriously absent.

Without fanfare, Harlan walks up to Scully and drags her from her place on the floor to the center of the room. Mulder lurches forward in protest and Scully puts up a good fight herself, but when Jules cocks a shotgun and points it at her head, they both go still.

Harlan turns to face the captivated crowd, raising his hands worshipfully towards the heavens. These people may think he’s some sort of righteous hippie guru, but all Mulder sees is a chilling cult leader.   

“Two children, dead,” Harlan announces to his followers. “Two children. My grandchildren. Never, not in the many years we’ve lived on this island have we suffered a tragedy like this before. And it’s made us—your community leaders—reflect. It’s made us think. In fact, it’s made us rethink some of our choices, our traditions.” He pauses dramatically. “Are the gods angry? Angry we continue to sacrifice our own people for their goodwill? Angry we’re martyring our ownprecious, perfect citizens?”

The crowd starts to murmur appreciatively. Heads nod supportively.  

“You may have noticed that we’ve had visitors from the outside world this week,” he continues. “You may have also noticed that no one has yet been selected for this month’s blood sacrifice. So what would it mean if we gave the gods outsiders, instead of our own? What if we pleased the gods in new ways, ways that didn’t sacrifice our own resources, our own community members?”

His eyes turn expectantly towards the four of them tied up and Mulder hangs his head, closing his eyes in defeat. Did he really not see this coming?

Harlan continues, his voice taking on a pious, almost holy quality. “With this in mind, Jules and I gladly invited the four outsiders into our community. Although guests sometimes do frequent the island, we usually stay more guarded, less involved in their affairs. We do not, for example, welcome them into our dining halls or our homes.”

“Gee, thanks,” Mulder mumbles, earning him a sharp look from Jules.

Unbothered, Harlan keeps speaking. “It didn’t take long for us to determine that Danielle was the most obvious choice for our blood sacrifice.”

Mulder’s head snaps up. He tries to meet Scully’s eyes, but she sits stone-still, unmoving, unblinking. She is a statue, not a person.

“Over my dead body—” he starts to protest on her behalf, but Jules shakes the shotgun threateningly and he shuts up.   

Harlan’s hand moves to hover over Scully’s hair, which looks aflame in the bright fluorescent lights. “Danielle is beautiful, more beautiful than any woman I’ve ever seen step foot on this island. We have been greatly, greatly blessed by her presence. She will please the gods immensely.”

More murmurs of approval from the crowd.

“So, she will be this moon’s primary sacrifice,” Harlan adds before taking a deep breath. His eyes flit around the room expectantly and the crowd goes quiet in anticipation. “But last month’s tragedy deserves more than just one blood sacrifice. Two died. So two must be sacrificed.”

At that, the crowd starts to rumble again, everyone casting nervous glances this way and that. Who will be chosen next?

“Not to worry, my friends.” Harlan smiles beatifically at his followers. “We have decided we will send the gods someone that Danielle holds near and dear.” There is a long, terrible pause, where the whole room seems to hold its breath. Mulder’s heart begins to beat erratically.

Harlan beams. “Jack?”

Joe’s mouth falls open in disbelief and he immediately starts shaking his head. “No, no, no,” he mumbles darkly, “no, I can’t do that. I can’t do that—”

“I’ll do it,” Mulder interrupts desperately. If they take Scully away to sacrifice her, he needs to be by her side. “I’ll do it. Sacrifice me with her!”

Shaken out of her stupor, Scully shoots him a dark warning look but everyone else in the room—tingling with excitement—just ignores his pleas.

“Please, choose me,” Mulder begs, even as Joe continues to shake and stammer and blab away why he shouldn’t be the other blood sacrifice.

Harlan walks purposefully over to Joe and places his hands on his shoulders. Mouth seeming to froth with angry spittle, Joe knocks Harlan away, shoving at him roughly with his bound hands. In truth, Harlan is no match for six-foot-three Joe and all his FBI-trained muscles, even restrained like he is.

“You can’t kill me,” Joe cries angrily, desperation roaring out of him. “You can’t kill me!”

And then to everyone’s astonishment, Joe points his bound hands at Mulder. “You’re choosing the wrong guy! I’m not her husband. He is. He’s her—her—her partner! Not me, him! It wouldn’t—it wouldn’t serve the gods to kill me!”

A look of genuine surprise passes over the faces of the community leaders. Scully’s eyes flicker to his own and a wordless conversation passes between them. What the hell is happening?

Joe continues, interrupting Mulder’s thoughts. “Do you know who we really are?” he asks Harlan. “Did you really not figure it out, with all the bumbling, idiotic shit these two have been doing since we landed on this godforsaken island?” He shakes his bound hands pointedly between Mulder and Scully. “Danielle—whose real name is Dana—is not my wife!” he insists furiously. “She’s an FBI agent. We all are! We were sent here to investigate you, and—”

“And if you hurt us,” Scully interrupts, her voice full of conviction despite the gun pointed at her temple, “don’t think for a second that the feds won’t come down here and arrest every single one of you. They’ll destroy this community. They’ll throw the book at you, you bastards!”

Joe’s eyes flicker to Scully’s, as if surprised she’s making his point for him. He nods in agreement. “We’ve radioed our director and he’s sending in a squad as we speak.”

Mulder feels a whisper of relief knowing that Joe and Scully have also made an attempt to get Kersh’s attention. Scully nods at him in confirmation. That’s my girl.

It takes more than a moment for the look of shock to pass from Harlan’s face, but Jules doesn’t even seem to flinch at the news. “Sending in a squad?” she mocks. “In this weather?” She looks pointedly out the window where the storm continues to rage. “I’m sorry to say no one’s coming for you, folks.”

Terror passes over Joe’s face and Mulder watches as he descends from anger into madness. “Leave me the hell out of this,” Joe warns shakily, nodding towards Scully again. “These two are the ones who’ve been sneaking around and spying on you after hours.” He meets Mulder’s eyes. “You think I didn’t notice you? Yeah, not only did I notice your stupid antics, but I told Kersh. Do you even know that Lydia and I were specifically assigned to keep track of your dumbass behavior? We were told don’t interfere, let them make the choices they will. But fuck, was it hard not to just grab you by the throat and strangle you myself every time you disappeared into the jungle at night. Every night that you two snuck off, Lydia came over and begged me to go set you straight, Mulder. But Kersh said let them do their thing. See if they disobey my direct orders to not interfere. And now look what you’ve done. We’re about to be made into a human pig roast because of you and your incessant meddling!”

“Stop, Joe,” Lydia interjects, her voice surprisingly hard, “don’t point the finger at Mulder!” Mulder is so shocked by her loyalty that he almost thanks her. “They were clearly going to sacrifice one of us regardless of whether we were snooping or not!”

“And like hell it’s going to be me, Lydia,” Joe snarls angrily. He swerves to face Harlan and Jules. “Cause you know what more? I saw Dana and this guy Mulder fucking on the beach a few nights ago.” His eyes dart back to Mulder’s, and he feels the blood drain from his face. He risks a glance at Scully. “Yeah, and don’t think Kersh doesn’t know about that too.”

Scully’s eyes widen in horror, and for a brief moment, Mulder wonders what terrifies her more: Kersh thinking they’re romantically involved, or being sacrificed by a blood-lusting cult.

Joe struggles to his feet, the ropes pulling at his ankles. He flings his bound hands once more towards Mulder. “Kill this one first, if you have to kill anyone. He absolutely deserves it.”

“Joe,” Lydia pleads again, “don’t. They’re nice people—”

“I don’t give a shit about how nice they are—”

“Enough!” shouts Harlan, snatching the shotgun from Jules. He points it straight at Joe and Mulder is relieved it’s not aimed at Scully anymore. “Sit down and shut up, all of you.”

The room falls deathly silent as Harlan seems to take a moment to think. Eventually, his eyes rise and flit to Mulder’s face.

“You’re her actual husband, then?” he asks, his brow furrowing.

“Husband, lover, friends-with-benefits, what the fuck does it matter?” Joe shouts, and someone starts to wrestle him to the floor.

Mulder looks beyond Harlan to Scully, his heart pounding through his chest. Even at a distance, he can see the despair gathering in her eyes. We’re in this together, he tries to tell her. I’m not leaving your side. What happens to you, happens to me.

“I am,” Mulder nods evenly. “I’m her actual husband.”

Jules nods affirmatively, stepping in front of her husband to guide Mulder to his feet. “It’s settled then. We will prepare the sacrificial bath.”

[balladofsallyrose]

Country Trip: A Talk With Gram Parsons

Fusion magazine, March 26 1969 {x} transcript ↓

Gram: "There's a very good music scene in L.A., a lot of good musicians have been playing together lately and getting together... but not so much at the whiskey and places like that, as in honky-tonks out in the valley - groups like Delanie and Bonnie, Taj Mahal, the Tulsa Rhythm Review... a lot of funky people coming from the south - Texas, Tennessee, and Tulsa - coming out to L.A. to make a little dough, and they find out that you can't really because there aren't many clubs in L.A. to play at, unless you're the Four Ragas...

Someone: "Actually, there's only one club that's left, you know, and that's the Whiskey. The city has clamped down on dancing - you can not dance in clubs anymore, which just kills the business. The Whiskey is on its last legs fighting to keep the wolf away."

Gram: "What was happening in L.A. was Snoopy's Opera House, Peacock Alley, the Laurel Room, the Prehade, the Palamino, the Ace's Club and the Red Volure, and the Hobo - clubs like that that nobody knows about that are like in the San Fernando Valley, the City of Industry, Orange County, I mean the clubs out in the Valley are really honky-tonks, and they're really funky, and they're nicer than like the honky-tonks in Nashville, because the people there are less liable to rap on you for having long hair - they see more of it - and you can go out there and Boogie all you want. So that's real nice - that's the most positive thing I can think of about L.A. - these places out in the Valley, like out on the Strip itself... with all the people addicted to carbon monoxide."

WH: "You were at Harvard-"

Gram: "Briefly - very briefly."

WH: "But up here with the International Submarine Band, and up here with country and western - and you thought you could do best with it out on the coast, rather than like going back to Nashville and playing around there...?"

Gram: "I wanted to go out where it was warm. I was really tired of the cold - here and in New York - and I wanted to go out to the coast for awhile - 'cause it was warm, and everybody was saying it was nice, and I hadn't been there yet. And in two years I sort of surmised what it was all about, and now I'm ready to go someplace else."

WH: "Is it the Bakersfield influence that comes down to people in the San Fernando Valley-"

Gram: "Yeah, it is."

Someone: "Not really, you know. Bakersfield is sort of its own little thing - Buck Owens, Merle Haggard - and southern California, from L.A. down, has always been a very big country and western thing: located in the little suburban communities like Norwalk, Downing, the Valley - all those places around L.A."

Gram: "But the Bakersfield thing is what really got me into it: like four years ago, I was digging Buck Owens, some of the people like that. I mean, I dug the older country artists before then - but I just got started getting into the real hot, electric thing they had. And I sat around and said it sure would be nice to like do a recording session and have Don Rich come down, and cats like that - that's ultimately what happened before we split there, we got together with all those guys, and we all dig each other. Maybe Liza Williams doesn't know who we are, best they do."

WH: "You yourself were in with Billy James in Laurel Canyon foe awhile, weren't you?"

Gram: "Yeah... enjoyed that you know - a nice thing to do. It's too bad that it couldn't be a little cooler - it couldn't be a little bit cooler... It's all like a great [illegible sentence] don't know who you're talking to... Mod Squad time... you don't know... chick comes on to everybody in the band... I'm beginning to wonder about Hippies in general... You can just tell by looking at a person's eyes... but they got all the gear, the blonde hair, everything, and they're so damn ready... but you don't know... When people on Sunset Strip ask you what your sign is, they're really asking if you're bisexual or not - because the chicks who ask you are the chicks who dig bisexual cats, sort of, and the guys who ask you are the guys who dig bisexual cats, sort of - and and they're asking you what your sign is, because they want to know if you're earthy or firey, or airy, or watery - you know, what are you. Nobody knows anything about astrology there, I mean very few people do. What your rising sign is doesn't mean anything."

WH: "Why not San Francisco?"

Gram: "I hate San Francisco. San Francisco is just the jivest town in the world. It's beautiful, and everyone loves its morning fog that fills the air and everything - but listen, when people start playing the 'Star Spangled Banner' by Kate Smith on the radio just to put down the United States - nothing good can come of it. And San Francisco is the home of the Onk."

Someone: "All the long hair and the Hippie freakery has filtered down no through the entire Establishment and has manifested itself in Onk."

Gram: "Both cities though, have their good and bad points, but they're due for a - I don't know - a lot of people say earthquake; I'd say that both cities are ready to pay a lot of dues, because old people and young people are jiving each other, and not getting together... It's time to get ourselves together. I mean, we can all be positive if we want to - but we've got to really love each other; we can't just do this to each other, you know, all the time. We've got to find a way and be consistent in it, or you're gonna meet with hysteria - and I think that both cities are going toward hysteria.

We're writing a song called 'The San Francisco Gold Rush' right now, and it's on the theory that San Francisco has done approximately the same thing to the music scene in the 60's that Philadelphia did to the 50's, you know, and this is really obvious to me the way that Philadelphia affected Elvis Presley with its satin shirts, and losing the real... I don't mean the clothes that he wore. I just use that to project an image of... Do you know what I mean? Well so there you go; San Francisco has made everyone want to be Ginger Baker, or Eric Clapton, and have ribbons hanging from your shirt and the whole thing. I'm using clothes because clothes are the most obvious thing you can point at... to see what a person is doing. And the other side uses clothes too; Richard Nixon and Governor Reagan see a bunch of little girls in peajackets and wearing Onks, and they think they're the enemies of educational wisdom, you know. Maybe everyone would be a lot safer wearing sequins. We're wearing them 'cause they're bullet proof."

WH: Has Bakersfield been coaslatent all the while?

Gram: "Not really, because country music is going through its fad so rapidly too. I mean, its being affected by the Nehru shirt scene, Glen Campbell, for instance, is a very, very good guitar player - one of the best, but he has been hyped, ruined - destroyed. So many of the country artists are just trying to pick up gimmicks. They always have but they're getting more and more into it - but the same thing with the spades, man, they're getting into a real jive protest scene. They're saying that we are where it's at - you can't have soul unless you're black; and country people are saying you can't have a soul unless you're white unless its one a [illegible word] in it, nothing [illegible word] unless it has a steel guitar. Now I don't go along with that, you see. I think horns are really great and everything, but I want to play with a steel guitar because it's where I'm at now. I love steel. But I'm perfectly willing to listen to B.B. King. The problem is that country radio stations are not playing the real country songs: they're playing "Gentle on My Mind" because they want pop people to get into country music. They think that's the way to do it, but it's not... Yeah, Glen Campbell sang tenor on the International Submarine Band record. He's funky you know."

WH: "What's (James) Burton doing?"

Someone: "Sessions - eighty zillion sessions, you know, work."

Gram: "We run into him a lot. I think he's on sort of the same level that we are, you know; he's eyeing the whole scene very skeptically, and he's a very funky cat-"

Chris Ethridge: "He's got real long hair now, and a beard..."

Gram: "And his brother calls him in the middle of - he called him in the middle of a session Chris and I did with him the other week, looking for a 64 Chevrolet engine in a 49 frame or something... James is really all right, you know, and he's just waiting, he's just waiting..."

Gram: "The Tulsa guys, the Memphis guys - ten years ago, they were playing with Buddy Holly, they were playing with the Crickets, they were playing with Little Richard, they were playing with guys like that; and now they're doing their brand new 1969 thing. It's the same with us. And Jerry Lee Lewis is back, Fats Domino is back - I couldn't be happier. Conway Twitty's back. He's got the hottest new country band around, and he's out of sight. In his own right, he's better than all of us new country groups - 'cause he's paid more dues, he's older. As soon as young kids start digging old funky white artists like they dig old funky black artists... Like they can listen to B.B. King but can they listen to George Jones, they can listen to George Jones, they can listen to Albert King and Ike and Tina Turner, and so on, but can they listen to Conway Twitty... You've got your Otis Redding, but you've also got your Merle Haggard. I suppose that we would correspond and parallel - we would be on the same level as the newest things that are happening in Rhythm & Blues, like down in Muscle Shoals that's our scene. It's a bunch of young white people who are starting to play white music.

You really can't put music in geographical places, because country music probably came out of the Midwest as opposed to the south. But I'd say Muscle Shoals is one of the hottest recording scenes in the United States, and it's one that we relate to more than we relate to Nashville or L.A. We try to make our recording sessions sort of like Muscles Shoals rather than Nashville. We didn't hire a bunch of X musicians, we all concentrated within ourselves on doing it. And we just hung out - and did it together.

Chris Ethridge: "You remember all of those cats that did 'Where Have You Been,' and a real good song, 'You Better Move On' - all of those tunes, remember those tunes? Those were some of the first ones cut down in Muscle Shoals, and that was like ten years ago, or eight years ago. Old Rick Hall, you know, he got himself a studio, and started getting the local cats from around there coming in. And Joe South and Tommy Roe would come in from Atlanta, and they'd cut some stuff, like 'Carol' - do you remember that record 'Carol'? there was a guy in the background going 'Ompah, ompah,' like that; well, that was a farmer from Dewy, Alabama who was a friend of Dan Penn's, and he came up to visit - so they put him on a record; and there he was, you know, he made it.

Gram: "On 'Hippie Boy' ...I mean, the album (The Gilded Palace of Sin) goes from like Everly Bros. cuts to more modern, polished things. But at the end of the album, there's like all of our friends there singing: the GTO's, Joel Scott Hill, Johnny Barbatoes, Henry Louie, Larry March, Bobby McMann - we're all like singing together, 'There'll be peace in the valley.' We had a real good time doing the album.

WH: "The thing is with that song ('Hippie Boy') - the talking kind of country song has the potential for being sentimental, and yet it doesn't become so."

Gram: "Yeah, well - that song - We had the idea from the very beginning; we kept saying, we got to do a song called 'Hippie Boy' about Chicago, and it's got to be a narrative song, and Chris Hillman has to do it; and he has to drink a fifth of scotch before he does it - just to really feel the whole thing; not smoke an ounce of grass - but drink a fifth of scotch and do a narrative. And let's see someone else do that - let's see McGuinn do it."

WH: "It seemed like the toughest challenge of the record."

Gram: "Right, it was. We went through 'Hot Burrito 1 & 2,' and we saw that we had the high polished musical thing by the nuts - we had it and we could do it. My piano playing and organ playing came back to where it used to be, before I was with the Byrds. I started getting funky again, and everybody started getting funky again; and it was time to do 'Hippie Boy' - It was time to end the album. And after we did it, it was time to beat it - it was time to get out of L.A. We would love to have our next album called 'Ray of Hope', you know. We'd like to find some place over in Europe where we're really happy and we write about all the funky nice farmers. We dig to do that; I mean, we are not a negative, put-down group, like people seem to think. They're so uptight about our sequined suits - I just can't believe it. Just because we wear sequined suits doesn't mean that we think we're great. It means we think sequins are great. We think sequins are good taste. Rolling Stone, the Free Press - they think that we're a bunch of... show offs, and we're trying to put everything down. We're merely reflecting everything, because real music is supposed to reflect reality. You can't build a reality in music, you have to reflect it. Like 'original' music was made to get people together - like religious music, to sort of form a bond between you and your ancestors, let's say. In church, you would have music that would make you nostalgic, and think of the oldies times and what the reality really was that has led you up to right now. That's where music's at You can't build your own reality - that's why psychedelic music is so jive; it's every a everybody's own bag. No, I'm sorry, you know, we're all in it together - like it or not.

To do the album in L.A., we had to close ourselves off. When the smog was heavy we had to wear tanks of oxygen, and luckily we were blessed with a fellow named Henry Louie who can just cool out. He's an engineer unlike any engineer I've ever worked with, and projected an attitude of; 'we're not in L.A. boys, we're together.'"

WH: "You had to go through three years of L.A. to do this - with the Submarine Band, and the Byrds."

Gram: "We paid a lot of dues, but we dug it. I mean, while everybody else was going to the Whiskey building up their egos, and everything, we were saying; 'Jesus Christ, man, nobody likes us. Jesus, what are we doing'. In the meantime, we were going out to places like all those clubs I mentioned, and to forget our troubles, we were getting smashed - and rocking 'n rolling every night, you know, just as hard as we could. And after three years, somebody finally bought country music, someone finally bought the Internal Submarine Band - and then they sold the name, and everything; we paid more dues - but country music was being accepted and we didn't care. And now, everybody wants to get on the bandwagon; everybody want to say they're country as Crawdaddy seems to think he is."

Someone: "I don't think he himself is trying to project that image, but that it's imposed-"

Gram: "Oh right, he's always been funky. People hated him when he started out. They said rotten things about him, but now they're trying to project the country scene onto him. And he isn't country. He's a poet-"

Someone: "He's and old fashioned minstrel."

Gram: - "a beautiful poet, but Columbia records does the same thing with him that they did with the Byrds; they hype him. And I don't know, you just can't believe that sort of stuff..."

WH: "Has A & M been good to you?"

Gram: "They have been real good. They've let us follow our concepts, so to speak. I mean, they're in it for the money like every other record company, and if people start buying out records, they'll let us run with the ball. That's all I can say. I don't know what will happen - otherwise, I don't even want to think about it. If I have to pay more dues I'm willing to because I dig honky-tonk, and rock and roll - and being on the street doesn't bug me at all. I don't need to have an image... So it doesn't matter, one record company or the other. When we got together there were a lot of record companies that were eager to sign us - and anything we wanted, they were willing to do - but we just happened to sign with A & M, mainly because of Mike Vosse, who came and got us. I mean, he was actually interested. He didn't set up appointments for us to come and see him; he came and saw us. Tom Wilkes, in the graphics department, was a friend of Chris', you know. So we had a personal contact and they took a personal interest in us. It's not the big executives - like Herb Alpert and everything did - but who cares about big executives? Who knows where they're at anyway? Herb Alpert's a nice cat, he's a brilliant cat, he's got a beautiful smile - and that's all I know."

[drsilverfish]

Dean’s Soul in the Bardo -   The Art of Dying 1x06 The Winchesters

Catching up British-time, so a bit late to the party as usual, and coming to it fresh, as I like to do, without jumping into the time-line first. 

Screeches a bit because I am overwhelmed.

This episode suggests that, on one level, we can read every character in The Winchesters as manifestations of Dean’s consciousness, as he hovers in the “bardo”, the liminal realm in Tibetan Buddhism, between death and reincarnation. 

Mary - the leader and hunter who wants to get out of hunting; John - filled with wounded rage, Daddy-issues and violence; Carlos - the fabulous bisexual who dares to get into therapy and to go after the men he wants; Lata - the abused child who manages to chose love over violence - ALL OF THESE ARE ASPECTS OF DEAN WINCHESTER’S being, his experience/ soul/ desires <sobs a little because it’s beautiful>. 

Now I’m back on my meta, I’ve previously mused on The Winchesters as a reparative narrative told by Holy Ghost Dean Winchester; a counter-point to the traumatic narrative of Supernatural.

1x06 The Art of Dying offers further illumination and elaboration on that concept, namely:

The episode title, “The Art of Dying” is a George Harrison song, the right time-period for The Winchesters (1970), from his album All Things Must Pass. 

The Beatles, in keeping with the hippie counterculturalism of the time, were interested in Eastern spirituality, particularly Hinduism and Buddhism, and this Harrison song was inspired by his reading of Timothy Leary’s The Psychedelic Experience: A Manual Based on The Tibetan Book of the Dead (1964). 

Harrison’s lyrics are about the religious philosophy of perfecting the soul through cycles of reincarnation:

“There'll come a time when all of us must leave here There's nothing Sister Mary can do, will keep me here with you As nothing in this life that I've been trying Can equal or surpass the Art of Dying....

There'll come a time when most of us return here Brought back by our desire to be a perfect entity Living through a million years of crying Until you realize the Art of Dying “

A theme which fits well with the Ouroboros (serpent swallowing it’s own tail as it ascends) narrative of latter-day Supernatural, which drew on Jung and esoteric alchemy to manifest the Winchesters’ journey as the journey of the soul towards God.  

The Tibetan Book of the Dead is the Bardo Thodol, which means “liberation through hearing in the intermediate state”. It is a 14thC esoteric text (or possibly older but that’s when the written text we have dates from).

John, Mary, Lata and Losy all struggle with pain, parent-induced and violence-induced and hunting-induced trauma, but they are able to communicate their feelings to one another in a way which is strikingly and remarkably different from the enormous struggles with emotional articulation which animated Supernatural, which we watched Dean suffer with throught his life. 

So we can read The Winchesters as Dean’s revelatory hallucinations in the liminal state between death and liberation (or rebirth) - his revelatory sexual and emotional healing soul-dreams (in which, and what could be more Freudian, he returns to the scene of his parents).

And look, Lata is teaching John, who surived being possessed by the vengeful spirit of abused-as-a-child and violently out-of-control Mac, how to meditate and achieve higher consciousness (with an image of a globe in the background):

And isn’t it interesting that the rare type of vampire which Mac’s vengeful spirit first possesses is called a “soucouyant”, which means (incongrously, one would think) “carefree” in French. But not so incongruous if The Winchesters is about the journey of Dean’s soul to liberation, to bliss, to being “carefree”...

[gardeningbythemoon]

we are:

two gardener/artist/educators

mainly homebound due to disability (we have, you know, complicated intersections of marginalization and privilege at work too, we're nuanced people you know, but that's sort of the relevant one re: us working from home and having this "professional" tumblr page)

based in the eastern woodlands region of the u.s.

the worker-owners behind Wolf Hill Press, the company we made so we could be

publishers of beautiful, informative, accessible, accurate, and Earth-centered works

our main project is Gardening by the Moon, an incredible calendar created in the 90s by a California hippie. it's an astrological planting calendar, which sounds like some woo-woo nonsense (affectionate) and i'm not saying it's not, but there's some science in there too. i've worked pretty hard on our citations page and i gotta say i'm proud of it (it's updated as the calendar is, as my garden is; i'm always doing research)

one of us had already been a regular Gardening by the Moon customer when the creator retired, and now in addition to the calendar we offer:

reusable seed envelopes

crop- and seed- tracking sheets for your garden notebook or bullet journal

digital calendars optimized for print/large screen or phone/tablet use

holiday cards for the holidays we celebrate in our little found family house (like wolfenoot!)

extremely cost effective gift bundles

the seed envelopes and tracking sheets were developed over years for my own gardening use, and i'm happy to be sharing them with people who might find them useful now. the art on the cards is the art we love to make.

we're real people, and we stand behind what we make. it's all the highest quality we can manage while keeping it financially accessible to queer, BIPoC, and working class communities. we use the most sustainable materials we can find to make, package, and ship everything we offer. if you have a question, we'll answer. if you have a problem, we'll respond. if you have feedback, we'll take it seriously. (if you're mean, we will block you.)

[horce-divorce]

I'm researching a bunch of stuff for an essay I'm writing, basically the more polished version of my post going around about the power imbalances in being homeless. And the more research I do the more angry I get. Like, none of this is news to me. It wasn't news to me 12 years ago before I became homeless, or at any point during the last 10 years when I've been alternating between homeless and wildly housing insecure. Just to be clear.

Specifically I'm looking for perspectives from homeless people and, unsurprisingly, there isn't much of that sort of thing out there. Homeless people are online and talking about our experiences plenty, but I guess we're more fun as a thought experiment when it comes to actual researchers, or posts that are clickable, or whatever.

There's a TON of stuff, however, about how housing first works, about how homelessness itself is traumatic and happens more often to abuse victims, yet the overall lack of trauma-informed care that exists for homeless resources, about how we KNOW homelessness happens to more marginalized groups because we also know WHY homelessness happens and it's NOT because of mental illness or substance abuse or because all homeless people are shitty, it's because housing and healthcare are too expensive for what people are getting paid. There are dozens upon dozens upon dozens of sources and studies that point to these facts spanning back decades. This isn't news to anyone.

And the more I read about this, the more angry I get. Its not just the fucking government, and my communities, I've BEEN angry at them. I could expound for hours on the ways I've been failed by social connections that were supposed to hold and nourish me. But the more I read about this, the angrier I get at my parents and my affluent, neoliberal family members who have sat by and watched me be homeless for a decade knowing full well that I'm disabled. People who told me to pitch a tent while they lived in luxury, who can't even be bothered to buy my art, people who speculate from the comfort of their multiple homes that I need the character building, and they wouldn't want to "rob me of my accomplishments."

And the longer it goes on for the more ridiculous it is. I don't think I want to be in contact with any of these fucking people tbqh. These are "well educated" liberals who know how to do research. They know how to fucking read. They KNOW all of this, if you said it in conversation, they wouldn't act surprised. They just don't actually internalize any of it. Because the shit I'm talking about would inconvenience them and thier lifestyle and it would also force them to confront their own biases about poor people and they don't wanna :( they're comfy :(

The fact of the matter is, I'm queer and disabled and mentally ill and radical and I don't live a normal lifestyle and my parents, no matter how ~wacky granola crunchy hippie leftist pagan~ they were at one point, are deeply ashamed of me for not fitting the mold they had in mind. This is what it means to "fall through the cracks" - not that people forget about you. you are swept to the small, unseen place on purpose because you are unsightly and it makes People Who Actually Matter uncomfys to acknowledge you. Because if they admit that it's not your fault and it really could happen to anyone, then everything they built thier life on was just an exhausting lie. Their whole sense of self tied to all of their work and the things they're able to buy and consume, if all of that can be taken away in an instant, then what was the point of giving so much of yourself to it? What was the point, indeed.

[inkpot909]

Josuke Higashikata x Hippie!Reader Headcanons

↳ Reader is written as gender neutral. There’s a lot of traits, habits, practices, and different types of people that fall into the definition of a hippie. This list is focuses on a ‘flower child,’ defined in the 60s and 70s.

Warning(s): Mention of drug use for underage characters. If positive mentions of marijuana will make you uncomfortable, or put you in a bad place, please do not read.

There’s hardly anyone who understands your ‘outdated’ fashion sense more than Josuke.

He would never think to describe his hair or your own in such an unfavorable way, however, the same cannot be said for others. Josuke hasn’t met many alternative individuals before in person, so it stands out to him to see someone with fashion so distinct.

Upon learning more about you, he in turn understands further the extent of what your community means to you. Fashion is quite special to you, a symbol of the counterculture that you find yourself at home being a part of. It’s a direct reflection of your values, as well as personal taste. Therefore, a direct insult or just a passing scoff might really sting.

It makes Josuke’s blood boil; the personal nature of counterculture styles reminds him of how he feels towards his own appearance. Whether you want him to or not, Josuke’s going to defend you if someone has something smart to say about what you wear. Josuke can be quite cruel protecting the honor of people he’s close to, and when it comes to you, he’s prone to even try to show off a bit. Even over the littlest comment, he’s at your side ready to clock someone over the head for daring to mess with you. If the insulter really hit you where it hurts, Josuke will use his stand to rearrange their face in the hopes that it’ll make you smile.

In turn, he’s throwing compliments at you all day- even prior to dating. He didn’t know much on how to flirt or show interest, so this was his go-to before becoming more familiar with expressing himself in that way. It was adorable, if not a little ridiculous at it’s quantity (although always genuine).

A more familiar and confident Josuke surprises you with his keen observance when offering compliments; he always knows when you’re wearing something new. From a brand new shirt down to the smallest accessory, he’ll be sure to say something sweet.

Josuke also likes to give gifts seemingly at random, a natural part of his love language. It serves to quietly expresses his grasp on your personal taste. Initially, he would misjudge how you’d feel about certain patterns or designs. He took every reaction you had into account, and adjusts his understanding accordingly. In short- he knows your tastes very well after just a month or two. From what you like wearing to what records you’re hunting for, Josuke becomes a walking encyclopedia on how to buy for you.

He’ll actively ask you questions about hippie history and culture. Josuke had a rough overview of the psychedelic era before meeting you, mostly limited to what he’s learned in school. Nowadays, it’s you he runs to for help if he has a test on anything related to that point in history rather than some boring textbook. Regular studying could never compare to the way your eyes shine when telling him about or events impacted by the community you identify with.

If you get so excited you end up speaking too fast or assuming Josuke already knows a particular aspect of the 60s time period, have no worries. It’s nothing short of adorable to him. If you’re that caught up in what you’re getting at, it speaks volumes of your passion. Before you began dating, it would make the two of you quite flustered:

“… Revolution 1’s message was panned by hippies everywhere; especially in the United States. If yippies themselves were anything to go by, it’s that the group wasn’t as deathly afraid of violence as Lennon, and other artists at the time, seemed to think. If the conversation was civil rights, of course they-“

“Wait, wait, hold on,” Josuke waves his hands in the air, chuckling lightly. “I’m sorry to interrupt- but… what’s a yippie?”

“Oh!” you blurt, eyebrows raising. Your gaze falls, eyeing your feet intently. A slight breeze picks up, grass tickling the bottoms of your shoes. The two of you were sitting together on a park bench, taking a (extended) break from walking. “Oh, I’m sorry. I haven’t… explained that to you before have I?” you asked, rubbing the back of your neck.

A warm smile grows on your friend’s face, one charming and warm enough to make your heart skip a beat. He scoots closer to you, as always, ignorant to the bind he has you in. Poking your side teasingly, he laughs out, “You got ahead of yourself again!”

You swallow a lump of saliva down your throat, jumping at his touch. Josuke’s actions only made your cheeks heat further in embarrassment. How rude of me to speak without even thinking first! Josuke didn’t even know the difference between between mods and hippies until two months ago- certainly it makes sense he wouldn’t know much about yippies as well. I should’ve left that out- or asked if he knows what they are! Stupid, stupid. He must think it sounds dumb; everyone else does when they hear that word. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Next time, I ought to-

“You’re cute…” A sigh slips through Josuke’s calming laughter, blue eyes softening.

Oh.

You blink, pulled back into the moment. Staring at Josuke, his usual pale cheeks flush a full red color. It seems both of you let something slip out without properly thinking.

“You… you think I’m cute?” you ask honestly, voice quiet.

“I-I, uh,” Josuke stammers, avoiding direct eye contact and eager not to dwell. “I do happen to think that… yes. A-Anyway, please continue- you were telling me about yippies, then?”

If watching documentaries on the time period are your thing, he’ll be more than willing to sit down and watch with you.

Don’t- unless, that is if you actually want to pay attention. He gives it his best effort, but soon enough your lap looks too comfortable for him to resist. And once he’s perched there he may as well start playing with you hair. Just to tease, why not block your view for a moment? If you want him to leave you alone, he requires a kiss and then maybe he’ll think about it. All the while he’s cracking jokes; usually at the expense of whoever or whatever the documentary is on. His absolute favorite is to playfully critique the fashion on display, claiming with  artificial arrogance he has a keen eye for vintage fashion thanks to you.

As far as music goes, it’s hit or miss with Josuke. He doesn’t mind the pop side of things; baroque pop specifically stands out to him. You lose him once 60s heavy metal are thrown into the mix. Something about blues’ influence on the era’s music also is something he’s not too fond of. However, Josuke’s not the type to complain about it much and he’s willing to give song’s a try for you at least once.

He will love teasing you a little over the era’s more illusive or avant-garde content if you’re not the type that minds. Sometimes he just can’t help himself, though. You tell him you’re playing a song by The Flying Burrito Brothers and he swears he’ll give it an honest listen after he stops rolling on the floor laughing.

The best support in activism you could possibly ask for. He may get into it a bit himself after some time passes- especially regarding human rights and environmental topics. He mentions it to just about anyone he brings you up to, a lovesick grin plastered across his face each time. Everyone in his close circle of friends is well aware of this fact about you, very well aware. He just loves boasting about you, and the deep care you have towards social issues is a shining example of your character.

Josuke’s eyes gleam with admiration merely thinking about it. To him, it’s your way of protecting your community (he respects it even more if you’re not a stand user). Josuke would never think of discouraging such an attitude, even if you favor unconventional methods.

Passing an electronics store, Josuke nearly trips over his own feet attempting to whirl his body around. Something particular caught his attention, causing his body to jerk. Regaining balance just in front of the window, he peaked inside eagerly.

In the display window, there’s a large set of state-of-the-art televisions being advertised. Each were turned on to the same exact station- a local news channel. Bending down, his jaw drops to concrete below. The reporter on-screen said nothing he could understand without sound, but stood calmly in front of a large crowd. Bold text at the bottom of the screen indicated the report was live, showing the current time as well.

Josuke’s gaze stayed glued to the report’s title, which told of a protest currently being held in downtown Tokyo. A gasp escapes the teen’s lips, immediately pressing his face and hands to the window. His cheeks puff out obnoxiously and warm breath fogs the window just below his line of vision.

An middle-aged man walking his dog glances curiously at the teen while passing by. After a moment, they approach the window next to him. Without a word, he curiously examines the TV sets. He reads over the marked prices over and over, rubbing his chin. The two stand there for a moment, the only sound coming from the man’s dog softly tugging on its leash.

On TV, the camera pans away from the reporter, showing a shot of specifically the protest crowd. Josuke slams his pointer finger on the glass, making the man and his dog jump. Josuke turns his head to the side, exclaiming proudly, “My boy/girlfriend’s there!”

The stranger raised an eyebrow, tugging quickly on their dog’s leash. Seemingly no longer interested in TV prices, they leave an attentive Josuke to watch alone. Not that he minds much.

If you’re a spiritual type of hippie, Josuke offers you a much quieter support that’s just as persistent. Religion and anything like it is sensitive, so he doesn’t press you on your views.

However, if your definition of a spiritual experience is laying outside in an open field buck-ass nude he’s all for joining you.

If you smoke pot, he might try it with you. Further along into your relationship (around a year) is when he’ll even think to consider it. Unless it’s a problem, he doesn’t care what you do. It’s just that the thought of doing it himself causes more anxiety than excitement for a while. Still, he maintains a curiosity about it. Given time, he may shyly ask you about trying it.

This is a huge step for Josuke trust-wise. If he puts himself in this position, it’s no doubt because he loves you and knows you would never do anything to intentionally scare him. He’s also insistant that it’s only the two of you the first time (Okuyasu wanted to join in and try it too, poor guy).

Josuke is quite giggly when stoned, but not hyper. His brain power equals to that of Okuyasu; tell him and he’ll deny it adamantly with rosy cheeks. He mostly likes to stay in and cuddle with you. Listening to music or watching television is all the same to him, it’s all up to whatever you want. He will draw the line at video games. Josuke refuses to make a fool of himself in front of you (gaming is one of his ‘cool’ hobbies; he wants to impress you rather than make you laugh over his impaired incompetence).

[kamorth]

Just as an intro, yes this post reads VERY white. Unfortunately a lot of recent history is only accessible through white lenses and as I myself am about as white as it is possible to be, I don't have another viewpoint that I can write from with any kind of authority. My lack of experience does not negate anyone else's experiences or views.

In the 80s, being punk was how you showed disdain for conformity. NO, I DON'T Want to be Like You THE WOLRD IS SHITTY AND I AM ANGRY. They were the trash that you warned your kids to stay away from because they were dangerous and violent.

Grunge quickly followed suit with Yeah the world is shitty why do what the boring conformist bougies tell you when you can just do your own thing over here instead. They were the trash you hoped your kids got sick of but the worst parents ever suspected of them was maybe a bit of weed and some clumsy make outs, not that big a deal.

In the late 90s (my teens) it was goths. We are so sick of you and your church and shoving it down my throat with pushing for prayer in schools and Christian Pop Rock all over the billboard top 40. That kid is a witch now and You JUST Don't Get It. Depression is my baseline and the idea of being like you is the cause. We were the trash that were just indulging in a phase and would grow out of it, so we could be humored but mostly ignored (unless your parents were hard core Bible bashers, in which case you would get sent to something akin to conversion therapy - since you were also probably Queer it often was just outright conversion therapy).

Then the emos showed up and people started getting annoyed, partly because suddenly there were goths that you COULDN'T ignore for two reasons, they were LOUD about being sad and THERE WERE SO MANY OF THEM. Since they couldn't be ignored out of existence, the Western world decided to collectively bully them instead. They were the trash that was Just So Damn Cringe!

And now poverty is skyrocketing. Homelessness is a plague that has struck so many people who have committed no crime outside of bad luck. Actual fascists are in positions of power. Planned obsolescence and decades of lobbying by the oil industry in favour of petrol and plastics is destroying everything beautiful about this planet.

And Punk is back. Be ANGRY at your politicians who don't listen. Let your anger be heard so that they know you will not accept these ideas. Grunge is back. It doesn't have to be new, it just has to be functional. Work together to make a community you WANT to live in. Goth is back. Mourn for the world we were promised but never saw. Learn about belief systems that are different to the one you were raised in, ESPECIALLY if doing so pisses off your parents. Emo is back. Fuck haters. Cringe is dead. Being comfortable in your own skin means being allowed to do what YOU want, not having to exist for the benefit of someone else.

Before us it was hippies and beatniks and flappers and dadaists and before them there were the coffee shop philosophers and the point is there have ALWAYS been people who want the world to see its own flaws and fix them. I know other cultures had the same sorts of groups, like the Japanese Subekan gangs (who created the original lolita fashion trend as a way to take femininity back from being sexualized) and Islamic Sufism (an Islamic sect who practice things forbidden by stricter groups, such as singing and dancing) but I'm an armchair scholar, not an expert.

When society is broken, our numbers surge.

We are surging.

Society needs us.

[cityvirgo]

Notes on Online Aesthetics

What makes me happy, and what makes me me? It’s something I think about a lot. I’m a daughter of the internet age, born in 1998, raised on online subculture ‘aesthetics’ and monitored twenty-four hours a day by corporations who know my tastes better than I do. I’m not original, but neither is anyone else.

‘Aesthetics’ have become such a strange kind of tribal signifier; a sort of self-imposed limitation on expression, manufactured completely by advertising execs and corporations. “Gamer girl”, “clean girl”, “Instagram baddie”, “booktok”, “Tumblr girl”, “dark academia”, “soft grunge”, “indie”, “pilates princess”, “cottage core”, etc. What do they all have in common? They make someone, somewhere, a lot of money, and they place boundaries on how we express ourselves. 

Isn’t it interesting how we ‘brand’ ourselves this way? We even call it that. (i.e.,“That’s so on brand for me.”) Capitalism has completely taken over how we present ourselves, and it has taken over our language. It demands that we place ourselves into one of these archetypes, or at least that we present ourselves as one. Why? So we can continue purchasing things that fit the look and lifestyle of that archetype. 

As Guy Debord wrote in Society of the Spectacle, “Passive identification with the spectacle supplants genuine activity…The spectacle is not a collection of images, rather, it is a social relation among people mediated by images.” 

That was written in 1967, before capitalist interests had fully coopted subculture movements like hippies, punks, or goths. Much later in 2009, in the book Capitalist Realism, Mark Fisher describes how capitalist interests eat radical subcultures, take away any ideological component that makes them radical, and dwindles them down to their marketable “aesthetic.” Think, punk going from an anarchist community to a clothing style one can purchase at Hot Topic. ‘Punk’ is not thought of as a political identity marker; it’s a clothing style. 

I also think of drag as possibly the newest version, and maybe the last version, of this capitalist appropriation. That’s another piece of writing in of itself though, but I’ll leave this thought with the wise words of Jasmine Masters, “RuPaul’s Drag Race done fucked up drag.” 

Internet aesthetics have taken this to a new level. Now, these subcultures are no longer just coopted from once radical movements. These ‘subcultures’ are now created by and for capitalist interests. They are created by influencers, in partnerships with companies, to sell products. 

In Capitalist Realism, Mark Fisher asks the question, “What happens to a society, to an upcoming generation, when there is no new?” That is to say, when all of the subcultures that were created to rebel against capitalist interests are coopted by capitalists, and used to benefit those at the top, and the new generation have no ‘new’ thing to create because it’s all been done before and appropriated by capitalists…. what happens? Subcultures are a natural, artistic, peaceful way for younger people to release their building frustrations. Without that outlet, or space, free from capitalist control…. what happens? 

I don’t know the answer to this, but I do know I’m not the only one thinking about it. I think about the song Strange by the BTS rappers Min Yoongi and Kim Namjoon, when Namjoon asks the questions, “You think you got taste?/Well, baby, how do you know?/I mean, for God’s sake/Everything’s under control.” 

I really love this line. This questioning of, “You think your tastes, your thoughts, your style is your own? How can that be, when we’re all influenced by this over saturated, capitalist hell scape?” The rest of Namjoon’s verse goes into more detail, in Korean lyrics, discussing the influence of social media and he even explicitly states, “Our taste is controlled by the capital.” Safe to say, this is one of my favorite songs and one I think about quite often. 

I think it’s a song reflective of Guy Debord in 1967’s Society of the Spectacle, or Mark Fisher’s Capitalist Realism. Or, the 1990s tv show Daria, when Daria states, “Edgy occurs when middle-brow, middle-aged profiteers are looking to suck the energy, not to mention spending money, out of the ‘youth culture.’ So they come up with this fake concept of seeming to be dangerous, when every move they make is the result of market research and a corporate master plan.” 

Swap ‘edgy’ or ‘dangerous’ with any adjective you’d like for any online ‘aesthetic’ we have today, and it remains true. What’s left for me, personally, is a constant questioning of my sense of self. How do I know what I genuinely like, and what I connect to, in an environment like this? Who’s to say? Like usual, when I’m connecting dots, I’m left with more uncertainty. I guess the best I can do is just to like whatever I like, and be mindful or more critical of why I like that thing. 

[yesyourstalker]

Octarian superior: alright everyone get up........

Soldiers:........ *Complaining*.........*sleep*......

Octarian superior: Soldiers up now!! Just because it's a low risk mission doesn't mean we don't follow procedures!!!

Inkling caption: oh give it a rest...let them sleep, like you said it's a low risk mission....

Octarian superior: listen. I don't tell you how to run your little"squidbeaks" so I expect you not to tell me how to run the actual military... ON YOUR FEET NOW!!!

Soldiers: .......*complaining*......*complaining*

Inkling caption:.....*sigh*.... Hey fellas we got breakfast ready in the dinner hall hope you like salmon and eggs!........ See colonel all they needed was a little motivation and they're up on their feet. No need for yelling.

Octarian superior:............... Ridiculous...... How did we let you win?

Inkling superior: hahahahaha Don't get your panties in a twist Colonel. They may look like a ragtag team of dumbasses, but they're tougher than they look. Shit they're tougher than our actual military.

_______________________________________________

Warabi: The food isn't so bad I thought you said the food would be crap

Neta: it usually is....

Warabi:...... Hey Neta how come some of these inklings have different ink colors while everyone else is in blue and where are their uniforms?

Neta: those are usually agents or they call themselves squidbeaks........ The Inkling military is around 50 years old, younger than the actual great turf war. Unlike octarians who had an actual army inkling didn't. Their culture is far different from ours. They're a lot more relaxed, didn't think about organization to that kind of level.

Octoling soldier: bunch of fucking hippies if you ask me.

Neta: yeah....... they just kinda do their own thing...... some switch to the actual military when it was formed but they tend to stick with their small army from villages

Squidbeak inkling: that's our little splatoons were formed. Our homes used to be in small villages separate from each other. During hunting, scavenging, guarding or protecting our village small groups of volunteers would do the job. We did it during the war as well, we had small groups from different villages and different islands. They would go off and fight the war together. We didn't need a big military to win we just needed a community.

Warabi: huh....

Octoling soldier: hmph...... you're so full of shit

Squidbeak inkling: beg your pardon?

Octoling soldier: I said you're full of shit! You put on this act of piece and love persona to separate yourselves from the ruthless acts...... It's all community and support when it comes to Inklings but y'all had no problem forcing us underground in the fucking sewers! Where was that peach and love when you pushed us off our land, from our homes! what about our community what about our villages!

Fishling soldier: hey now let's not act like this! The war is over now we don-

Octoling soldier: oh fuck off! You weren't any better!!

Squidbeak inkling: you don't need to act so rash .... that's what caused you to lose in the first place

Octoling soldier: SAY THAT TO MY FACE MOTHERFUCKER!!.... I lost my brother cuz of you agent fucks...........

Squidbeak: you think y'all weren't heartless. I lost my wife.. killed due to your cold tactics...

Inkling Superior: ENOUGH!! YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY VICTIM IN THIS!! WE'RE ALL VICTIMS!! WE'VE ALL LOST SOMETHING AND SOMEONE BECAUSE THIS FUCKING WAR!!! WE ALL HAVE BLOOD ON OUR FUCKING HANDS!! I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR IT!! NONE OF YOU ARE SPECIAL!!

Soldiers:......................................

Inkling superior:.... The war is over....Stop trying to start another one... understand?

Soldiers: ......Yes ma'am..... Ok.......*murmuring*..... So strict....... This is why I stick to being an agent

Octarian superior: and my panties are in a twist hehe

Inkling superior:. Shut up ........Hit the showers!!...you all smell like shit!!!!........

Warabi:.........

Neta: hmm... Maybe they should have waited for the tension to die down before having all of us in a single Splatoon...... I'm heading to the showers. Sorry about that incident man. If you seem a good guy...*pat pat*

Squidbeak inkling: No worries I apologize as well...

_______________________________________________

Warabi: so do we just all get individual showeeerrrss oh my cod! IT'S JUST ONE ROOM!?!!

Neta: yep.... Pretty nice shower room. Just grab a towel from the rack and just throw your clothes in the hamper they'll just give us new uniforms anyway...... They do provide soap and everything it's actually really- What are you doing?

Warabi: I'll just wait for everyone to leave.... I thought they were going to be private showers

Neta: Oh please. It's no big deal. You don't have anything that these guys haven't already seen before. It's fine.

Octoling soldier: hey boys........oooh cute piercing sweetie. Did it hurt?

Neta: like a bitch. Hahaha

Warabi: They don't separate them by gender?

Neta: not on inkling ships..... Like I said nothing they haven't seen before. Just think of it as old bath house, It's nice! Perfect place to unwind and get to know people.

Warabi:.....*sigh*....... Ok....... Doesn't seem that bad everyone is naked

_______________________________________________

Neta: when I realized I got her pregnant we got married. We didn't love each other.... Honestly, we barely knew each other. We were just both stupid..... She was crying... I didn't know what to do so I kissed her and we... Yeah

Inkling soldier: You guys were vulnerable and young... It happens... At the moment it probably felt right... Can you get my back for me?

Neta: yeah sure........I just don't want my girl to think that she was a mistake...... Or that I didn't want her... I wasn't in her life for a long time I have a lot of reasons why. sometimes they don't feel like good reasons.... Hey this is a weird question. You think you can shave my face..... The mirror is not my friend right now

Inkling soldier: It's no problem....I wasn't prepared to have my kid either. He knows that he's loved deeply. I'm sure she knows it too. You're in her life now, you j-

Superior: everyone get dressed!!We found something on the sonar!!!

Soldiers:.....*murmuring*..... This better be good..... I hope it's actually something this time.....*murmuring*

Neta: alright let's get dressed... Warabi?... Warabi!? Are you falling asleep in the shower did you sleep last night?

Warabi: sorry I tend not to sleep very well when I'm being put in a chokehold........ How does ikkan go through this at night?

Neta: hahah sorry about that. Let's go

_______________________________________________

Warabi: so they just put her clothes on our bed?

Neta: yep new underwear and everything....... Hmm they do mix it up sometimes. ANYONE MISSING A BINDER!

urchin soldier: yeah that's mine! You must be Neta Verns

Neta: and you're Neta Uni.... I like the name, Great choice.

Uni: thank you hehe..

Neta: hehehe No problem kid............*sigh* He's just a baby, around my daughter's age....... He had no business being in the military........He should be in school..................shit....he's around the same age I joined.................. I was a baby................all my friends were babies........ pulpo was -

Warabi: Neta!

Neta: AH! SHIT! Don't do that!!What is it?!!

Warabi: sorry. come downstairs you have to see this!

_______________________________________________

Neta: ok ok what is it.... Wow....it's huge!

Octoling superior: yep, it's a colossal squid around 46 ft in length..... It's a female..... ..Probably around a year old....

Soldiers: ...... Amazing ...* Murmuring*..... Wow ......

Inkling Superior:......look at her........ Could you believe we all descended from these creatures..... Every one of us has an ancestor down here. Even before the dawn of the mammalians we existed... and we're still here.....Let that sink in...

Octoling superior: let's hope we don't end up like them.... Remember this moment.... Remember where we started next time you want to start a stupid fight damn it those stupid

Warabi: so pretty

Neta: danm....... Ma'am, I thought we were heading to a freshwater environment. This is saltwater?

Inkling superior: Yeah it's going to take us another day to get there we're heading to the goldfish gulf.....

Neta:....... goldfish gulf......... I lost my ear there... I lost.......pulpo.....

Warabi: hey Neta you ok?

Neta: yeah..... I need to make a stop though. when we get there. Pay someone to visit...

_______________________________________________

Epilogue

Mizole: this job is boring!!

Mhai: You're the one who wanted the job..

Mizole: I just wanted that old fuck to stop complaining every time I went into the store... 'Mizole go home. Mizole stop loitering. Mizole stop distracting my employees.... Either buy something or fucking leave'..... They got annoying

Ikkan: You can go home.... You don't really do anything anyway.

Mizole: oh shut up! I do a lot more than you! You don't even talk to the customers. In fact you stay in the office all day doing homework! Not my fault you dropped out of college to join the mediocre band!

Ikkan:..........................Mahi

Mahi: ........ sorry... you're fired... babe... You did your best......

Candie:.......not really

Mahi: ...hehehehe.....yeah.....you're not a good employee.. hand me your badge.... Go home....hehehehehahahahaha

Mizole: ................... Fine..... Why are you laughing??

Mahi:.... Nothing. I remembered something funny......[kiss]...bye!...................

Mizole: see ya babe

Mahi.... here's your 20g Candie

Candie: thank you!..... He even didn't last three days! hahahahaha

Mahi was knife fighting @fish-at-fish-fish-resort in the McDonald's parking lot

[misssakuramochi]

greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask. may I please have a romantic matchup for bg3?

I use they/them pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m kind of introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black (trad, mopey, mall, black-metal, and hippie goth styles mainly, both fem and masc) or and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, witchcraft, true crime, necromancy, anatomy, etc. I typically consider myself a "gorehound" ig. I participate in "Vulture Culture"; and I also like to visit abandoned places just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start talking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

when I become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. most of my humor comes off really insulting, and I’m brutally honest, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke or I didn’t mean it if it becomes a problem. even though I do have a hard time understanding social cues.

lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though, and I own four guinea pigs that I protect with my life. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person. I’ve also been told I never know when to quit, and I find I hold grudges for certain things. It’s not as common now but I used to get called a vampire by other kids when I was younger since I had oddly pointy canine teeth. I find it funny, seeing how I am today. I also have an inside joke with my family where they call me "Irl Daria" which I find funny.

I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. especially with the types mentioned above.

I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, listening to music ( the cure, pierce the veil, deftones, soad, cannibal corpse, slipknot, rob zombie,,,, sometimes radiohead, insane clown posse, jazmin bean or mother mother, etc. ), or even occasionally playing video games, reading, writing, or talking about a random conspiracy theory I have. I do acting in my spare time as a small hobby too, and I’m learning how to play electric guitar. I also work as a scare actor.

I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. I also have this specific blanket I can literally not sleep without. Im also a caffeine addict, and I’m guilty of being very submissive and maybe even masochistic- and a bit of a pyromaniac. I dissociate or daydream a lot, so you can often catch me starring.

I suffer from a handful off mental and physical syndromes like asd, insomnia, asthma, depression and anxiety. These have all been diagnosed professionally, and I’m definitely not trying to make myself "quirky". unfortunately health problems run in my family.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time. <3

I match you with...

KARLACH

○ The thing that makes your relationship with Karlach so strong is that you two have amazing communication. No social cues? No problem. She's not subtle. By which I mean she very directly tells you what she's thinking and leaves little to no room for misunderstanding. You're able to be honest with her as well, and working through your problems becomes as easy as talking it out when anything comes up.

○ Both of you are extremely determined. While you can but heads at times it's only ever you both trying to do what's best and you can usually talk out your differences. Once you have and you're on the same page the two of you are an unstoppable force once your minds are set

○ Though for different reasons Karlach also is a big fidgeter. She never minds she's very open minded and understanding that your mental health sometimes comes first, as well as to the fact that you may have alternative mental health related needs - ones she's always happy to try to fulfill. Open minded to mental health, she's the most understanding rock you could ask for

○ Debates are common. You have a lot of opinions and Karlach is super open about hers. Hearing each others perspectives is interesting and you both learn to be more open minded to others thoughts because of each other

HEADCANONS

○ Karlach takes interest in you from the beginning. She tries to get to know you, but, rather intimidated by her, you at first give her the impression you don't like her!! When someone (Shadowheart probably) tells her you're just shy, she makes it her MISSION to warm you up. It works. The first time she makes you laugh she gets so excited she sets something on fire.

○ Karlach likes to pick you up. You're so tiny and cute she can't help but wanna throw you around a little you know? You're not the biggest fan at first but being effortlessly lifted and swung in circles by an excited Karlach is actually cute and kinda fun. You warm up to it

○ Karlach is so careful with your things, especially your blanket. She knows she cam be rough and understands how important your special things are to you. When you first share your blanket with her to sleep with she is so excited she shares it with you even though she doesn't really need it.

○ Karlach is a big cuddler and ehike it makes you feel awkward at first, as you get used to being touched it makes you feel more and more loved. Though it's usually something small like.hding hands or placing a hand on your.leg, Karlach is usually touching you somehow whenever you'll allow

[engineer-gunzelpunk]

Obligatory Introductory Post

Hello all, I am Engineer GunzelPunk. Pronouns They/Them. By my name, I'm an Australian railfan (a ''Gunzel" is a Australian term for a railfan used a lot in Victoria; it used to mean something similar in implication to 'otaku', ‘foamer’ or even "Queer" in the LGBT sense, but it's changed a bit since then), and think way too much about trains and the Railway Series/TTTE. Here is where I will dump all my odd train thoughts, art (OCs, redraws and other things), some videos and generally engage in nostalgia.

I simp really hard for Henry, the green Black Five. If there is a bit of an excess of Henry content, that is the reason why. I also simp for Victorian Railways locomotives. I do not apologize.

I may also indulge in a bit of TTTE AU (monster/demonic- Ironclad, human-This Is Sodor: The Age of Iron)/ Red and Black Steam On Southern Metals (Victorian Railways RWS/TTTE AU/Extended Universe)/headcanoning from time to time.

THIS IS AN NSFW 18+ BLOG. DNI MINORS AND PEOPLE THAT DON'T LIKE ANY SORT OF ADULT CONTENT.

I will tag all "adult" topics appropriately for the benefit of everyone, as there will be some topics discussed on my blog such as death, funeral culture and its associated practices, criminality, obscure and bizarre magical philosophies, disability and other such things that may offend or trigger.

Some of my fiction is spoken in my native tongue (liberal use of the word "c**t" will be the least of it). It will offend or be incomprehensible.

There may be gore, violence or drug references.

IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY SUCH CONTENT, TURN AROUND AND WALK.

DNI

This blog is LGBTQIA+ allied. NO APOLOGIES. All in the Queer community are welcome at Casa D'GunzelPunk.

It should go without saying but I'm going to anyway... NO TERFS, NO SWERFS, NO FASCISTS.

I don't want to single out Ace/Aros but all sexual content will be marked for your convenience, if you wish to proceed.

NO MINORS PLEASE. THIS IS AN ADULT BLOG.

This is for your own safety. There will be adult content here. Minors DNI.

MAPs GET THE FUCK OUT. NO PEDO REQUESTS. FUCK OFF.

Otherwise I just wanna have fun posting stuff. No Drama.

Now with all that out of the way, I shall introduce my GunzelVerse under the cut:

This Is Sodor: Iron Age (Gunzelverse human/transformation AU/EU branch)

“All things pass into the night...

Goodbye Horses! I’m flying over you…”, Q Lazzarus

The name the “Age Of Iron/Iron Age” is supposed to evoke the Ages of Metal in Classical thought, with the Golden Age being the best and the age of Iron the absolute nadir, a Dark Age. (Such phraseology is used in steam enthusiast culture with the term ‘Golden Age of Steam’ being a well worn phrase, so the reference to the ‘Iron Age’ is a darkly ironic answer to that.)

It's grimly ironic considering the primary metal that steam locomotives are made of and the fact that during the Lokodammerung ("Twilight of The Locomotives", my term for the mass locomotive scrappings during the Beeching Axe/Operation Phoenix), they were being reduced to this base component.

Given as the AU occurs during that particular Dark Age for locomotives, the 60’s and early 70s, I thought it would only be appropriate as a subtitle for it.

The locos when they become humanised start becoming wise to humans, what it is to be human and messing about with subcultures in vogue at the time (in Britain; Mods, Teddies, Rockers, Skinheads, Greasers, Hippies, Punks, etc, and in Australia; the Mods, Sharpies, Bodgies and Widgies etc.), for them its a second sort of adolescence where new info, new sensations flood their conciousness, new modes of being... and a potent new weapon in their survival against the scrappings.

#GunzelVerse# This Is Sodor: Iron Age#ttte humanisation#ttte gijinka#thomasallgrownup

Red And Black Steam On Southern Metals (Victorian Railways AU/EU)

The Island Of Sodor isn’t the only place with non-faceless vehicles.

On the other side of the world, on a railway network the size of Great Britain and every Victorian human is no more then 25 kms away from a railway line; the steam locomotives of the Victorian Railways live and work.

They breathe and suffer and love like humans; from Newport Works where many locomotives were built, to the notorious soot-caked North Melbourne Loco Depot and the 1-30 slopes of the high country at Cudgewa, known as ‘K-class Country’, and the ever stylish Spirit of Progress and The Overland; when the Oz version of the Beeching Axe and Lokodammerung strike their Broad Gauge fiefdom, their world is upended forever.

And the survivors must carry on as best they can.

This is an Extended/Alternative Universe existing parallel with the Island of Sodor and overlapping with This is Sodor: Iron Age, though the sweep of time is longer. It will feature humanisation.

The 'Red and Black' of the title refers to two common liveries, black for goods work, red for passenger work during the active days of the VR (with plenty of variation such as the blue and gold "Spirit of Progress" livery of the S-class Pacifics).

It will feature OCs of mine based on real life locomotives like VR Pocono H220 ‘Heavy Harry’, Hudson R707 ‘City Of Melbourne’ (but here called ‘Cerberus’), A2 4-6-0 No 986 (in this universe, ‘Pluto’) and others. And there will be some reference to real life personages.

These are fictional representations of locos and humans and no comment is to be inferred from them, or offense intended in their depiction.

There will be very heavy coarse language (like I said in my intro, the word ‘cunt’ being used will be the least of it) and adult themes, and be written in the Australian vernacular.

A lot of it will jump time as the mood takes me. They will be dated if possible.

OC Profiles below:

VR A2 4-6-0 No 986 "Spirit of Warrigul" aka "Pluto"

VR H-Class Pocono H220 "Heavy Harry"

Cheers!

[bimboarsonist]

I didn’t know how cool the model horse community was. I went out to Hobby Town today and I was amazed by these horses.

I’ll put up the photos I’ve taken and rate each of these horses.

This is a pretty basic horse and what I use as my starting point. This is the most normal looking horse and I like it. A simple black horse sculpt with a flying mane and tail, what more could you want of your basic horse. And as a bonus, it comes with reading material! Nice. 6.5/10

There’s also a girl version of this horse called Black Beauty who I’m not including here but is basically the same thing so I’m rating that horse the same.

Ok next horse! What do we have…

Ooh! A butch-ish unicorn! The mane, tail and feathering on the legs is beautifully sculpted and comes with glitter which looks nice on the all black horse model. I like the silver horn as well.

This unicorn would own a cool, bespoke leather jacket and go to gay bars on Friday nights. They look intimidating, but they’re really a sweetheart. 7/10 very good unicorn.

A water horse! This horse has the same sculpt as the black horse from earlier but a really radically different color scheme. It looks like the sculptor wanted the mane and tail to look like a wave but it kind of reminds me of glass a bit more. I love the effect anyway! The legs and hooves are also translucent, really leaning into the ocean theme which I like. The dappled silver and blue is pretty, looking like foam and ocean water. What a cool horse!

This horse would give me an hour lecture on different species of local fish and ocean wildlife and I would be delighted. 7.5/10 Good horse.

Peace and love on planet earth. This hippy unicorn looks tranquil, and the pastel color scheme is really pretty. I like how the body colors fade into the mane and tail, as though you are the one tripping out when you’re looking at the unicorn. The big ‘ol peace sign is gonna be divisive I imagine but it works for me. It gives it some fun and camp that I appreciate in a plastic unicorn.

This unicorn dodged the draft, protested the Vietnam War, and has done every psychedelic. 7.7/10 a good and lucky horse.

Oh I love this horse. I mean, you know that this is The Gay Horse. This glossy rainbow horse is rearing and ready go and the musculature really standing out thanks to the finish they applied to this horse. I’m immensely delighted by this horse.

I also know for a fact that Jewels is this horse’s drag name and that their name is Jules when they’re not performing. This is a gay drag horse that fucks other gay horses. The unicorn from earlier sees this horse at the gay bar all the time but is too shy to get this horse’s number. 8.5/10 great horse.

The 90s Throwback horse is ALMOST PERFECT. If they had dipped this horse in glitter then there was a good chance I would have adopted this plastic horse. I love the blue and purple leopard print with all my heart. I love that sassy prancing pose! I love the platinum blonde mane and tail with purple tips!! I love the blue hooves! This horse was made for people who love the 90s and maximalist kitsch. I just want them to cover it in glitter and it would be perfect.

This horse is the Britney Spears of horses. They own at karaoke. In 2001 this horse would be sold out. This horse has platinum pop records. 9/10 fantastic horse.

I feel nothing but loathing for the America Horse. I struggle to review it objectively. I am angry that such a pretty sculpt went to this horse. The mane and tail look like Art Nouveau sculpts which is appealing to me. The soft pink gradient on the muzzle is a nice touch, I guess.

But this horse is definitely homophobic. This horse tried to shut down a drag show and calls people groomers. I hate this horse -4/10.

I’ve saved the best horse for last. This was one of the only horses that came with accessories and my god. This horse has everything. A beautiful sculpt. Perfect winter colors. INCREDIBLE SKILL FOR ACCESSORIZING.

This horse has it all. This is the Beyoncé of plastic horses. Opulence. They own everything. I give this horse a 10/10.

[shallowrambles]

I think one of the things I like about SPN is the horror of the mundane, and the isolationism of modern success.

Like okay. I know ppl love to ascribe to a secretly queer!Jimmy shtick in relation to Christianity, which is fine. I just…find it a pretty tired trope at this point tbh. At this point, I’m more shocked when I see a character with a positive relationship to religion.

But anyway, my point is…find it more interesting if Jimmy had a positive relationship to religion and the neighborhood and truly loved his wife in a very satisfying way…

Because that means there’s nothing truly lacking to pin his depression on. And that’s the horror of mundanity. Depression and dissatisfaction doesn’t need a reason to exist. Sometimes no amount of transformation or self-reinvention or change would solve it, because it’s not something to be magically fixed. (Like a lot of chronic illness tbh.)

And that, I think, hits so much harder.

Perfect life! Top salesman of the region! Overworked and burnt out! But feeling strange and unfulfilled all of a sudden. So, what does he do? He looks to do even more work, perhaps work with Purpose. God’s work. All to answer that niggling question, “is this it? is this all there is?”

What you need is rest. Rest is active. Being. Love is enough purpose on its own.

The tragedy of Jimmy is that work isolated him from what mattered and ran him into the ground, and despite the dressings of success, he couldn’t put his finger on why modernity was such a watered-down horror of monotony.

ADDENDUM:

Our jobs are so lonely, and work has always been something harsh and demanding, especially for historical laborers or soldiers that ship off to distant lands.

But still…post-industrial revolution, family businesses imploded and even thinking of living in familial communities got pinned as “weird.” Hippie dippy communes made that even worse.

But seriously, know what’s weirder? These anemic, lonely, deserts of dystopian suburbia. Bonus weirdness if extended fam/support is dispersed or totally absent.

Men and women come home, almost too tired to eat, and collapse into couches/recliners in exhaustion to watch tv. Mothers take off work to raise new infants alone while simultaneously tending to the tearing wounds of childbirth.

Modernity can be insane. More horrible than the horror show!

So yeah. What’s more horrific than Jimmy having a part of himself hidden away and closeted?

Jimmy having nothing hidden or “wrong” at all. Jimmy being self-actualized and content, but Depression striking anyways.

Because that’s what really feels hopeless…when you’ve self-actualized the fuck out of yourself, and you’ve exhausted every avenue of self-help with honesty and meditation, and it doesn’t “fix” it.

[simptasia]

it occured to me that i have a lot of bi headcanons for lost where it’s like, the character hasn’t accepted it yet. part of this is because 2004 to 2007 was somehow still having issues grappling with this concept

so i’m making a list of bi headcanons in lost, but it’s the characters who haven’t accepted it and why they haven’t yet (or ever)

internalized biphobia ahoy!

jack

he’s attracted to women so rationally he’s not gay, right? yeah he’s using the it’s one or the other logic. jack knows there’s nothing wrong with being gay. he’s just not gay. that’s fine. it’s fine. [shakes images out of his head]

also i know in my heart that christian and margo are queerphobic. not in the full on getting the belt out way but in the passive aggressive way

claire

she just assumes all straight women feel this way about women and it takes a while for it to occur to her that she’s just in a bizarre form of denial

desmond

he regards his experiences with other men in the army to be “experimenting” and he chooses not to dwell on it

richard

it just took a reeeeally long time for him to find his closet key (miles). the bisexuality was always waiting inside him, it just didn’t unlock until he was like 179 ish. and yes, miles finds this fucking baffling in a “you’re this hot and you’ve been alive this long and you haven’t been getting both kinds of ass??” way

ben

he grew up aware that queer people exist (dharma being a hippie commune) but also instilled in him that it’s weird and gross (roger). but also i think ben has a weird view of sexuality, that sexual desire makes people... weaker? in the sense that he’s observed that people act foolish for sex and love and therefore such emotions are a weakness and he’s better than that

so it’s a weird thing where ben isn’t homophobic to other people (if tom, greta and bonnie are any indication) but he is to himself. but he’s also shaming himself for having sexual desire at all. i think cuz he’s convinced himself that he’s selfless and utterly devoted to jacob and the island. sometimes he almost believes his own lies. but yeah anyways touching himself makes him feel icky, whether it’s about men or women or both so... yeah

locke

okay, locke is bi to me but i’ve always been ? about his sexuality because wow, locke feels like such a nonsexual being to me. so like does locke know he’s bi? i think so? but i don’t think he’d ever call himself that

i think if you asked, locke would say “i don’t wanna label it” or something

besides anything else, he’s an older man who grew up in the foster care system, i have to assume he grew up hearing that being queer is a Bad Thing

locke doesn’t agree but he’d rather not commit to the concept. like, maybe locke thinks being Gay would require him to do things or act a certain way rather than just be. so he’s just like “i am what i am” and stares at a sunset

sawyer

okay now here’s a bitch who actually would be homophobic, biphobic, etc. and it’s directed at himself also. he’s got an idea in his head of what gay dudes are like and no way is he like that so he’s not gay. as for being bi, i think if somebody (eg. charlie) said they were bi, he’d roll his eyes because he thinks they’re saying it for attention. “oh yeah everybody’s bi nowadays, pfft”

also i think sawyer thinks bi people, if they exist, are just people who have threesomes all the time. all the while, he is bi and he’s just making himself not confront it. and hey, even if he was, ya know, queer - not that he is - he’s giving not taking so it’s less gay, obviously. yeah, his bisexuality got all tainted by toxic masculinity. i love sawyer but i ain’t gonna pretend he ain’t got some macho posturing shit going on. and he’s canonically bigoted

shannon

making out with girls is just something you do for fun, haha it’s just silly time, it doesn’t mean anything, it’s not like Real Love, haha, your lips are so soft...

....oh

boone

a combo of not wanting to be mocked and a bad case of “it doesn’t count if”. it’s just porn, it doesn’t count because it’s not real. as long as i don’t do stuff with a dude, it doesn’t count. okay so i did stuff with a dude, but it was a threesome and a girl was there so it doesn’t count. okay okay i did stuff with a dude and it wasn’t a threesome but he never put it inside me so it doesn’t count. okay this dude put it inside me but-

and so on

(and to make it weirder, i think boone would just be gay if shannon didn’t exist. like the Wants Girls part of his sexuality only exists because of her. yikes)

anyways

assume that other characters i consider bi had issues with it when they were younger but are pretty much over it by the time of adulthood (tho charlie does grapple with it. like he’s accepted being bi in a “well, there’s no hope for me anyways” kind of way, so it’s... back handed self acceptance?)

thank you for your time