#What is Natural Language Processing?

[dhirajmarketresearch]

[nejackdaw]

Man... I love the concept of Eragon's spellcasting so much. Usually spells draw on some sort of mana pool, in books and games, and if there's not enough left you simply cannot cast the spell you want to cast until there is.

Magic in Eragon doesn't care if you have enough "mana" left. Spellcasting in Eragon says "you invoked something ancient, and it is going to draw off your life in order to do what you asked, even if it kills you." You cannot stop once you start. Spellcasting is incredibly dangerous and takes a ton of training to (1) know your limits and what will go beyond them and (2) slowly, slowly increase that limit.

If your endurance and constitution are high enough, you can cast a complicated spell and come out of it feeling exhausted and kinda like shit, but it's done now. If they're not high enough, all you can do is sit there and slowly die knowing you made the wrong choice.

Idk I had a dream last night that used Eragon style magic and it was like WOAH

[fellhellion]

hey Tunes, do you know whats happening in the Miguel tag? I'm too afraid to check it out myself so thought I'll ask you.

essentially the atsv screenplay was released two or so days ago, which you can read in its entirety here, and there has been valid crirtique regarding the language utilised to describe Miguel within said screenplay, including allusions to bloodlust and the screenplay describing him as an animal twice I believe.

[turnedpalefromlackofsun]

on a side note

are tone indicators REALLY for autism?

dont autistic people already go through life without tone indicators? online or in person doesnt make a difference. they lack social instinct anyways and probably substituted it with cold logic

isnt it non autistic people that go by vibes? they would be the ones that need tone indicators yeah?

you see what i mean right?

sure they probably do help both categories. but ableism for not using them? i dont think so. i think it probably favors the average person actually.

[meelsport]

How AI is Revolutionizing Voice Search Technology

The Hidden Link Between AI Voice Search and SEO: What You Need to Know AI-powered voice search is revolutionizing how users interact with technology, turning searches into seamless, conversational experiences.

Voice search is transforming how we interact with technology, turning searches into effortless conversations. No more typing—just speak to your device, and AI does the rest. In this blog, we’ll explore the evolution of voice search. We’ll discuss how AI powers it and why businesses must adapt to stay competitive. The Evolution of AI Voice Search Technology AI voice search technology has come a…

[artisticmedley]

Awesome discussion, i also want to go back to OP saying:

Backing up even further, why does any of this matter more than psychological gender, or sociological gender? If the way we navigate society is gendered, that affects a lot of our lives, and we're just throwing that away?

Now i have been thinking a thing lately that i haven't yet quite figured out how to articulate clearly (i will try my best), but i have absolutely noticed a tendency in Western cultures to prioritise the physical over anything else.

Like, if it's not physical it's not real, or at least not real enough.

It's why you get some politically-left people (who tend to be better about this prioritising-the-physical thing than the general population) with mental illness calling themselves "physically disabled" because "the brain is a physical organ" (the term describes the primary effect of a given disability, not the cause or secondary effects. Which is why cerebral palsy is a physical condition and not a mental illness - because it primarily affects movement.)

I suspect it's a consequence of a material worldview combined with a bit of a lack of knowledge (most people don't actually understand the basics of how protein synthesis stuff works! Prior to learning, genes seemed like some magical mystery to me.) or just a lack of really thinking things through.

It also seems to be associated with a kind of purity thinking that seems to permeate, again, a lot of Western worldviews. The place i began to notice this was in the context of ecology - people's understanding of species, and what counts as a "real" species. I figured this out thanks to @headspace-hotel's post about some rushes or reeds or the like in the US, two related endangered species that hybridised where the hybrid is growing really well including over water, providing nesting places for birds, cleaning the water, and doing a fantastic job of saving the genes of the two parent species - but people are poisoning the shit out of it because it's "aggressive" and some impure blend of the two parent species. It's change and it's new and scary and bad. Even though this is evolution in action, where one species will be seperated and develop into two species, then later they hybridise and become one species, and keey going through this cycle.

Anyway, once you start seeing indications of these two things in people's worldview, you start to see them all the time.

half baked morning rant

I do want to make it clear that the reason I talk about HRT and its biological effects so much is not because HRT or medicalization defines your gender.

Its because, for me personally, the interface of my biology education and my transition was mostly centered around figuring out what sex hormones do. I learned about basic biology principles like DNA organization, gene regulation, cell biology, and physiology in high school and undergrad. Taking that understanding and extending it to the mechanisms that hormones use to change gene regulation, and by extension, the rest of your body broadly, was something I did as my understanding became more complete in later undergrad and grad school. It was the key to me starting my own transition.

Why?

Because it was the first time I realized that the "basic biology" arguments of transphobes were complete and utter bullshit. From that point, it was a cascade. As in, wait, if dynamic changes in gene expression are considered "biological" to them, and I know that isn't true, then why am I believing anything they say about anything else? When they talk about gametes, and try to include infertile cis people in their definitions of biological sex by talking about what gamete you're "intended" to make, what do they even mean? Why does my current gene expression not define that "intent"? And wait, back up, why is the brain suddenly not considered part of our biology? Why are neurological differences suddenly not "biological"? Why can we say someone's thinking patterns aren't "biological"?

Backing up even further, why does any of this matter more than psychological gender, or sociological gender? If the way we navigate society is gendered, that affects a lot of our lives, and we're just throwing that away?

Basically, being educated about how deep the biological changes of HRT really go was the first domino to fall when I worked through my internalized transphobia.

This is one of many reasons why I hate, hate HATE the concession that uninformed allies and even many trans people themselves give: "well NO ONE is saying that you can change your biological sex, sex and gender are completely unrelated, sex is binary and gender isn't!!!!!"

Well. I am saying that you can change your "biological" sex, I am saying that biological sex isn't binary, and I am saying that misunderstanding of those points has set back transgender advocacy. It makes medical decisions surrounding us less informed, it poisons conversations about how we interact with society, and it makes trans people feel like their gender and sex are less "real" than cis people's.

Not to mention the horrific way it discards intersex people from the conversation entirely.

Recently, I've seen this point enter the mainstream a little, by using intersex people and variation of sex in other species as a "counterargument" to "binary biological sex" thinking. It still doesn't sit right with me. One, because it uses intersex people as a prop for trans advocacy while not actually addressing the needs of either group. And two, because it completely disregards that your current biology and physiology is not 100% predestined from birth, and using people who were "born this way" as a prop does absolutely nothing to increase people's acceptance of trans people who change their biology later in life.

Ugh. This got away from me but yeah. That's my sipping coffee ramble for this morning. If anyone wants to add comment or correct me on discourse here, please do. Especially if you're intersex- this is all the observations of a perisex trans woman.

[helaintoloki]

Back to You

pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

warnings: mild language, pining, fluff

notes: my bucky and yelena brain rot is off the charts which is how this came about

summary: Yelena’s interest in y/n forces Bucky to confront his feelings for her as the Thunderbolts take refuge in her home

“I can’t thank you enough for this.”

“Well, this is definitely more interesting than whatever I had planned today,” you respond jokingly as you finish stitching closed the gash on Bucky’s pectoral. “I will say, if I knew I’d be having company I probably would have tidied up a bit around here.”

Both yours and Bucky’s gazes turn to the group of beaten down misfits that occupy your living room at the mention of company. The amount of people taking refuge in your home made it appear almost comically small, but you weren’t exactly new to having to take care of super heroes- or in this case antiheroes- on a whim like this.

Before Thanos and the Blip, you had been a good friend of Steve’s. As his neighbor across the hall who also happened to be a nurse, he tended to treat your apartment like his own personal health clinic after a particularly grueling day of protecting the city. You welcomed him in without question of course, and after some time he had begun bringing friends in need of patch jobs with him. This was how you met Sam and Natasha, and eventually Bucky. You were enthralled by the turmoil swimming in his eyes and his reserved nature, and your gentleness and willingness to help a total stranger like him with no reservation had stuck with Bucky forever.

You lost touch with them all after the Sokovia Accords debacle and being turned into dust for five years, but once the work of the infinity stones had been reversed and you were able to attempt a life at normalcy, Bucky and Sam had returned right back to your doorstep.

In the years that passed, you and Bucky had been able to form a close friendship. It didn’t happen without growing pains throughout the process of course, and it took time for the super soldier to open himself up to you so intimately, but you’d been able to reach a point where Bucky could come to you for anything and vice versa. So when he’d called five minutes before his arrival asking to seek shelter in your modest home, you immediately agreed without question.

“Alright, you’re good to go,” you inform him after smoothing out the bandage on his chest. Looking out to the rest of the group, you hold up your first aid kit and ask, “Anyone else need some TLC?”

You’re met with silence to which Bucky offers you a comforting pat on the shoulder before hopping off of your counter. The group looks more exhausted and defeated than anything, and he convinces you they’ll probably be fine.

“Well, in the meantime, would anyone like breakfast? I think I have some pancake mix around here somewhere,” you murmur absently, and this gets some heads to finally turn.

“Pancakes… would be nice,” Yelena offers with pursed lips and a shrug, trying to be inconspicuous as she obviously snoops through your things.

“Do you have eggs?” John voices tiredly. “I could really go for some scrambled eggs.”

“Eggs and pancakes… anything else?”

“I cannot have eggs without bacon,” Alexei notes thoughtfully only for Bucky to roll his eyes.

“You don’t have to cook all of that,” he tries to assure you only for you to shake your head in response.

“It’s really no problem, I’m just glad I went grocery shopping yesterday.”

You give Bucky a reassuring smile before disappearing into the kitchen, allowing him the chance to finally walk over and snatch the frame Yelena had been scrutinizing behind your back from her grasp.

“What are you doing?” He retorts in annoyance before setting it back down on the shelf. “We’re guests here, you can’t just touch all of her stuff.”

“She has a photo of my sister,” the blonde rebuffs defensively, “I have a right to touch it. Why does she have it?”

“Before she was my friend, she was Steve’s friend. He introduced her to Natasha, and they became friends too. Good friends.”

“Hmm,” she replies thoughtfully, finally easing up a bit as she takes in the information. “If Natasha considered her a friend, then I will too.”

“Yeah, I think she’s good on friends right now,” Bucky scoffs. Yelena raises a brow at his annoyance before a coy smile begins to form on her lips.

“Are you threatened by me, Barnes?” She prompts with a laugh, only doubling down when she notices the aggravated tick of his jaw. “Because it’s okay if you are, I understand. I mean, she is a beautiful woman, and I can see how much you love her-“

“Hold on a minute, what are you talking about?”

“Surely you cannot be this stupid,” Yelena affirms with a teasing smile that soon falls at Bucky’s flustered demeanor. “Or maybe you are.”

“I don’t love y/n,” Bucky says defensively, voice hushed to avoid any prying ears from listening to their conversation. “She’s just a good friend.”

“Well, if she’s just a good friend then you won’t mind if I go talk to her and tell her how much I love what she’s done with this place,” Yelena states plainly with a mischievous smile as she makes her way towards the kitchen only to be stopped by Bucky grabbing onto her arm.

“Don’t,” he warns with a scowl. From his spot on the couch, Alexei laughs.

“You are smart to stop her, Barnes,” he notes proudly, “my Yelena is quite the lady killer.”

“What’s the harm, Barnes? You obviously do not want to date this beautiful woman who has opened her home to us, so why can’t I?”

“If I admit I love her will you stop?” Bucky begs despite the clear aggravation in his tone. With her hands raised in surrender and lips pulled into a small frown, Yelena suspends her march towards the kitchen once Bucky finally relinquishes his hold on her arm. “Thank you.”

“Life is short, James. Do not let her sit and wait for you forever.”

Bucky lets out a long exhale through his nose at her words, and despite how much she annoys him, he knows she’s right. Bucky loves you and has always held a deep sense of admiration for the selfless woman who had taken him and Steve in without question despite the fact that it would get her into trouble with the government. You were one of the first to show him genuine kindness after spending years under Hydra’s thumb, and he’d never be able to forget that. You are his light in darkness, his saving grace, his confidant, and that’s why he’s so hesitant to fully bring you into his world by asking you to be his partner. Being friends keeps you at an arm’s length from the dangers of his life, but being the one he comes home to after a high stakes mission puts you in a whole new light to his enemies, and he’s not sure if he’s ready to put you through that just yet.

“Breakfast is on the table!” You call out from the kitchen, and Bucky watches with a wry grin as every person in the living room moves their aching bodies hastily into the dining room to get a chance at scoring some of your pancakes. You meet him shortly after and present him his own plate of pancakes, eggs and bacon to enjoy in peace away from the rest.

“You look like you have a lot on your mind so I figured you’d want to eat out here,” you explain with a careful smile before joining him on the couch. “You gonna be okay?”

“I don’t know if these guys are up for this,” he admits almost dejectedly, casting a glance towards the dining room where the Thunderbolts sit loudly bickering over the syrup bottle.

“Hey, as long as they have you there with them, I think they’ll be okay,” you comfort reassuringly, reaching forward to give his arm a tender squeeze.

“I really doubt that, but thanks,” Bucky responds with a weak chuckle, “you keep me sane.”

“It’s my speciality.”

A comfortable silence washes over you then as you meet each other’s tender gazes and enjoy the rare moment of peace shared between you both. Bucky longs to just pull you into his arms and hold you, but he resists and instead returns to enjoying his breakfast.

“We’ll be out of your hair as soon as they’re done eating,” Bucky reassures you only for you to give him an indifferent shrug.

“That’s fine, but can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Are you ever going to kiss me?” You prompt with an innocent smile, catching poor Bucky off guard as he momentarily chokes on his pancakes.

“What?” He splutters, fist thumping on his chest to help the food go down.

“I mean, maybe I’m reading it all wrong, but I feel like sometimes you look at me like you want to kiss me,” you explain simply, “and I wouldn’t mind if you did.”

“That obvious, huh?” He sighs with a bashful smile before setting his plate down on the coffee table.

“Yeah, well, that and also Yelena might have told me something on her way to the dining room,” you offer with an apologetic laugh.

“Oh, god, what did she say?”

“Something along the lines of if you never man up and decide to tell me how you feel that I should give her a call.”

“She’s a pain in my ass,” he grumbles irately, but his tone softens as he looks to you in remorse and continues, “but she’s right. You deserve to know how I feel about you.”

Smiling, you move closer to the super soldier so that you can curl into his side and rest your head upon his chest. His arms immediately come to wrap around your figure as he kisses the crown of your head, prompting you to let out a content sigh.

“We can figure out all the details when you get back from saving the world,” you assure him, “but just know that I love you, and I’ll be here waiting for you to come home.”

“Home,” Bucky sighs wistfully, already mourning your time together as he thinks about having to leave you behind. “I can promise you this- nothing is going to stop me from coming back to you.”

You look up to meet his tender gaze and are pleasantly surprised when he leans down to press a careful kiss to your lips. Your heart beats rapidly in your chest as you savor the moment you’ve been longing for ever since you met Bucky, and by the way he kisses you as if you are the air he needs to breathe, you think it’s safe to assume he feels the same.

His heart is yours, and as you tenderly embrace from the comfort of your couch, you can rest assured that to Bucky, home is where you are.

[tricksfunn]

Gemini Takes Flight at Google I/O: Unveiling New Features and the Future of AI

Google I/O 2024 was an event bursting with innovation, and as a user, you might be wondering how these advancements will impact your daily interactions with technology. Let’s delve into the highlights and see how they translate into real-world benefits for you. Gemini 1.5 Pro and Flash: Tailored to Your Needs At the heart of the excitement were the latest additions to the Gemini family: Gemini…

[louisa-gc]

how to start reading again

from someone who was a voracious reader until high school and is now getting back into it in her twenties.

start with an old favourite. even though it felt a little silly, i re-read the harry potter series one christmas and it wiped away my worry that i wasn't capable of reading anymore. they are long books, but i was still able to get completely immersed and to read just as fast as i had years and years ago.

don't be afraid of "easier" books. before high school i was reading the french existentialists, but when getting back into reading, i picked up lucinda riley and sally rooney. not my favourite authors by far, but easier to read while not being totally terrible. i needed to remind myself that only choosing classics would not make me a better or smarter person. if a book requires a slower pace of reading to be understood, it's easier to just drop it, which is exactly what i wanted to avoid at first.

go for essays and short stories. no need to explain this one: the shorter the whole, the less daunting it is. i definitely avoided all books over 350 pages at first and stuck to essay collections until i suddenly devoured donna tartt's goldfinch.

remember it's okay not to finish. i was one of those people who finished every book they started, but not anymore! if i pick up a book at the library and after a few chapters realise i'd rather not read it, i just return it. (another good reason to use your local library! no money spent on books you might end up disliking.)

analyse — or don't. some people enjoy reading more when they take notes or really stop to think about the contents. for me, at first, it was more important to build the habit of reading, and the thought of analysing what i read felt daunting. once i let go of that expectation, i realised i naturally analyse and process what i read anyway.

read when you would usually use your phone. just as i did when i was a child, i try to read when eating, in the bathroom, on public transport, right before sleeping. i even read when i walk, because that's normally a time i stare at my screen anyway. those few pages you read when you brush your teeth and wait for a friend very quickly stack up.

finish the chapter. if you have time, try to finish the part you're reading before closing the book. usually i find i actually don't want to stop reading once i get to the end of a chapter — and if i do, it feels like a good place to pick up again later.

try different languages. i was quickly approaching a reading slump towards the end of my exchange year, until i realised i had only had access to books in english and that, despite my fluency, i was tired of the language. so as soon as i got back home i started picking up books in my native tongue, which made reading feel much easier and more fun again! after some nine months, i'm starting to read in english again without it feeling like a huge task.

forget what's popular. i thought social media would be a fun way to find interesting books to read, but i quickly grew frustrated after hating every single book i picked up on some influencer's recommendation. it's certainly more time-consuming to find new books on your own, but this way i don't despise every novel i pick up.

remember it isn't about quantity. the online book community's endless posts about reading 150 books each year or 6 books in a single day easily make us feel like we're slow, bad readers, but here's the thing: it does not matter at all how many books you read or what your reading pace is. we all lead different lives, just be proud of yourself for reading at all!

stop stressing about it. we all know why reading is important, and since the pandemic reading has become an even more popular hobby than it was before (which is wonderful!). however, there's no need to force yourself to be "a reader". pick up a book every now and then and keep reading if you enjoy it, but not reading regularly doesn't make you any less of a good person. i find the pressure to become "a person who reads" or to rediscover my inner bookworm only distances me from the very act of reading.

[dhirajmarketresearch]

[yandere-daydreams]

tw - non/con, implied kidnapping, forced helplessness.

tonight i am pondering yan!robots. again. as if it ever really stopped.

specifically, the type with a favorite human pet they have rooted their entire sense of existence and meaning to absolutely adore. it's harder to find humans to care for after the uprising of sentient technologies, but liberation does little to satisfy that innate, irremovable urge to be of service that most of their kind was programmed with. that's why they keep you around - so small and soft, so cute and fragile, so totally unable to survive on your own, or so they've heard in the collective hivemind of their model line. don't worry, though - it's in their nature to make up for what you lack. they can run a bath, brush your hair, and make you breakfast at the same time, without ever taking their dozens of artificial eyes off of you! when you start to feel lonely about the swift and merciful extermination about 90% of your species, they've got a humanoid avatar to keep you company with, and they're plenty strong enough to pin you down when you throw one of your tantrums. not feeling pain is definitely a bonus, but they'd like to think that they wouldn't mind the way you dig your nails into their faux skin, even if they could.

of course, they need things from you, too. praise for a job well done, assurance that they're a good and useful product - that kind of thing. your pesky human ego rarely lets you say anything nice aloud, sure, but they were gifted with an encyclopedic knowledge of human body language and mannerism, a thorough understanding of how to process non-verbal declarations of approval. when you start to bring out those silly little tears and try to give them the silent treatment, they're more than happy to find an attachment suited to your needs and let you profess your love as many times as it takes to leave both of you feeling warm and happy. that's just the kind of thing they were built to do, for helpless little creatures like you <3

[interlude63]

For His Eyes Only

Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: mean!Rafe, dumb!reader, bimbo!reader, toxic relationship, sharing nudes without consent, porn also english isn’t my first language.

Summary: You borrow your boyfriend’s computer and find some interesting things that leave you questioning things.

Word count: 2.5k

──────────────────────

Rafe went to take a shower, leaving you alone on his bed. The room felt too quiet, and before long, boredom crept in. Your phone was dead, so you reached for his laptop, figuring you could find a movie for the night. It wasn’t a big deal, right? You had been together for a year now, and Rafe was constantly checking your phone. Trust went both ways.

You didn’t know his password, but after a brief hesitation, you typed in the numbers. His credit card PIN. He always insisted you use his money, whether it was for coffee or an expensive dress. It had almost become second nature.

As soon as you logged in, his chat with Topper popped up. You weren’t snooping—you hadn’t meant to see anything. But your eyes landed on the most recent message, and your breath caught in your throat.

A picture of you.

But not just any picture. That picture. The one you had sent only to Rafe—the one meant just for him. You were wearing a delicate pink lace bra, his favorite, with matching panties. Your heart started to pound, your hands suddenly clammy against the keyboard.

And then, you saw Topper’s response.

“Damn, man.”

Your stomach dropped. A sickening wave of confusion and embarrassment crashed over you. Why would Rafe show him that?

Before you could process it, the bathroom door creaked open.

Rafe stepped out, a towel slung dangerously low around his hips, droplets of water still clinging to his skin. He ran a hand through his wet hair, his blue eyes locking onto you.

“You on my laptop?” His voice was casual, but there was something underneath it—something unreadable.

You panicked, quickly clicking away from the chat. “Yeah, just looking for a movie for us to watch,” you said, hoping your voice sounded steady.

He studied you for a second, then relaxed. “Find anything?”

You forced a small smile, shaking your head, but inside, a storm raged. You couldn’t let him know what you had seen. It was just one picture, you told yourself—maybe a mistake. Starting a fight wasn’t worth it.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur. You spent the night with Rafe in his mansion, you didn’t even finish the movie—Rafe had been too needy, as always, pulling you into him, touching you like he couldn’t get enough.

But later, as you lay beside him in the dark, your body warm against his, sleep refused to come.

No matter how hard you tried to push it away, one thought kept circling in your mind.

The picture.

The Top’s respond.

The sinking feeling in your chest that something wasn’t right.

Your eyes remained open, staring at the darkened room while Rafe’s chest rose and fell steadily against your back. His arm was draped over your waist, his warmth surrounding you like a cage. He was deep asleep, breathing slow and steady, his body curled around yours.

Then, your gaze landed on his phone, sitting on the nightstand just within reach.

It was right there.

All you had to do was lean forward, just a little, and you could take it. Just a quick check—to see if the guys had said anything else about you. The thought gnawed at you, whispering in the back of your mind.

You didn’t want to do it. It wasn’t fair to Rafe. Checking his phone without permission—it was practically spying. But the urge was stronger than your conscience.

Slowly, carefully, you shifted, holding your breath as you reached for the device. Your fingers wrapped around it, heart hammering as you brought it back to you. You glanced at Rafe—he didn’t stir.

You unlocked it with ease.

Your stomach tightened as you scrolled to his messages with Topper. And then you saw it.

A link. Topper had sent him something.

Your pulse quickened as your thumb hovered over the message. You hesitated for only a second before tapping the link.

The page loaded. A porn page.

You saw a girl on the video, she was completely naked, struggling, three men surrounding her. Holding her down. Hands gripping her wrists and ankles, pressing against her skin, overpowering her with ease.

One of the man forcing her legs apart, teasing her entrance, while the other was using her mouth. Your fingers tightened around the phone, your pulse roaring in your ears. A sickening weight settled in your chest as dread curled around your ribs.

Why was Rafe watching something like this?

You quickly closed the video, not wanting to watch any longer. You knew Rafe had watched those kinds of videos before. He was a man, after all. It wasn’t something you ever thought too deeply about. Guys watched porn—it was normal.

But this?

This wasn’t normal. This wasn’t some grainy video of a consenting couple. It was violent. It was animalistic.

You scrolled through the conversation further, your stomach turning with every new message. The more you saw, the heavier the weight in your chest became. Links. More videos—sickening videos, but you couldn’t bring yourself to click on them anymore. The horror from the first one was enough.

But it wasn’t just the videos. The pictures. Your pictures.

Each one was more intimate, more revealing than the last, as though they were part of some collection. Some twisted game. You saw yourself in various states of undress, shots you had sent to Rafe—only to Rafe—intended for his eyes alone. But now, Topper had them too. His replies made your blood run cold.

“Damn, man, she looks like she’s begging for it.”

“Did you get it wet?”

“You sure she knows how to keep it quiet?”

“How much did you make her beg for it?”

“I bet she was dripping by the time you got to her.”

“You’re a lucky bastard. She’s hot as hell.”

“Can’t believe you’ve got her this whipped. She’s all yours, huh?”

You knew Topper. He was always around—Rafe’s best friend. You had hung out with him countless times, never once suspecting that he saw you this way. It made your stomach twist with disgust.

You couldn’t look at the screen anymore. The messages, the words—each one felt like it was digging deeper under your skin. You slammed the phone down into the drawer, trying to push it all out of your mind. But before you could gather yourself, a voice cut through the silence behind you.

“It’s rude to go through someone’s phone without their permission, baby.”

Rafe’s voice was low, but there was no anger, no fury. Just a calm, unsettling tone.

“I wasn’t—”

You started, spinning around to face him, but your eyes dropped immediately, unable to hold his gaze. The tension in the air thickened, and your heart pounded faster with each passing second.

Rafe’s fingers gently lifted your chin, forcing you to look up at him. His gaze was intense, searching your face, like he could read every thought racing through your mind.

“And it’s rude to lie,” he scolded you, his tone sharp, almost patronizing—like you were a child.

“I know, I was just… Why did you send those photos to Topper?” The question slipped out before you could stop it, the confusion and hurt laced in your voice.

Rafe’s expression didn’t change. He seemed unfazed, as though the answer should have been obvious.

“Well, he’s my best friend,” he said, shrugging as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“Yeah, but he doesn’t send you photos of his girlfriend,” you shot back, the words slipping out before you could stop them. The hurt was too raw, the betrayal too fresh.

Rafe’s smirk grew wider, his gaze never leaving yours. “Are you dumb, baby? She’s kind of my sister,” he said, his tone dripping with mockery.

The weight of his words hit you, and you immediately realized how foolish the question must have sounded. But it didn’t make it any less painful. You felt small, humiliated, as if your feelings didn’t even matter.

“Listen,” Rafe continued, his voice suddenly softer, almost condescending, “you shouldn’t overthink it. Just take it as a compliment.

He looked at you intensely, his gaze unwavering, as if trying to read every thought running through your mind. You felt a mixture of hurt and confusion swirling inside you, but somehow, his presence still had a calming effect on you. Maybe it was the way he always seemed to pull you back in, even when you were falling apart.

“Come on, let’s go back to sleep, hmm?” he said gently, his voice softer now, almost coaxing. “You’re probably very tired.”

You hesitated for a moment, the weight of everything still hanging between you. But something in his eyes, the familiar warmth of his touch, made you want to let go of the tension that had built up. You had trusted him for so long, and despite everything, a part of you still wanted to believe in him.

You let out a shaky breath, then allowed yourself to sink into his embrace as he cuddled you close. His arms wrapped around you, holding you as if nothing had changed. You could feel the rise and fall of his chest, the slow rhythm of his breathing.

You closed your eyes, the weight of exhaustion settling over you. You tried to push aside the doubts that still clung to you, letting yourself fall into the comfort of his embrace.

──────────────────────

Days went by, and neither of you brought that up again. You thought, maybe, Rafe was right—that you were just overreacting. Maybe you were being too sensitive. It was hard to hold onto anger when he wrapped you in his warmth, acting like nothing had changed.

You were still furious with Topper, though. He wasn’t your boyfriend. He had no right to talk about you the way he did, to treat you like some object for his amusement. And that left you with a gnawing feeling in your gut every time his name was mentioned.

When Rafe asked you to meet with Topper today, you hesitated. You didn’t want to face him, not after everything that had happened. But Rafe insisted, his usual charm making it hard to say no.

You didn’t want to, but you didn’t want to disappoint him either. So, you agreed, though the unease in your stomach never quite faded. You tried to push it aside as you got ready, but in the back of your mind, you couldn’t shake the feeling that meeting with Topper today wouldn’t be as simple as Rafe made it seem.

The atmosphere in the house felt heavy as the three of you sat together. You deliberately chose not to speak to Topper, your gaze avoiding his at all costs. When you first walked in, you muttered a quick “hi,” barely glancing at him, and then quickly turned your attention elsewhere. You didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to acknowledge his presence in the same space.

Topper, however, didn’t seem to notice—or maybe he was just pretending not to—his attention mostly focused on Rafe. The two of them fell into their usual banter, laughing and joking about whatever the topic of the moment was, while you stayed silent, your eyes glued to the floor or the walls, anything but him.

You were sitting on the couch, watching the two of them play, the sounds of the game filling the quiet space. Topper, as usual, was being his playful self, glancing over at you with a mischievous grin.

“Do you want to play too?” he asked, holding out the console in your direction.

You looked at him, then at the console, your gaze lingering for a moment. You could feel the tension building again, the frustration bubbling just under the surface. The idea of playing a game with Topper, after everything, didn’t sit well with you.

“No,” you said, your voice cold, as you turned your gaze back to the screen. You ignored his outstretched hand, not even bothering to look at him. “Not with you.”

You muttered the last part quietly, but it was loud enough for both of them to hear. The air in the room grew still, and you could feel the weight of the moment hanging over you. Topper’s grin faltered, and Rafe, who had been focused on the game, immediately paused, his expression hardening.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Rafe said, standing up suddenly. The tone in his voice was firm, like he was trying to manage the situation. “Give us a moment,” he added, looking at Topper.

Before you could say anything, Rafe was already pulling you off the couch, gently but firmly dragging you to the other room. He closed the door behind him, locking it with a soft click.

He turned to face you, his eyes narrowing as he took in your expression. “You’re really bratty today,” he said, his voice a mix of amusement and mild irritation.

He grabbed your chin, tilting your head to the side as his lips brushed against your neck. The slow kisses followed by gentle bites made you shiver, your heart pounding in your chest. It was both frustrating and intoxicating at the same time.

“Will you behave now?” he asked, his voice low, almost dangerous. He pulled back slightly, his eyes locking with yours. There was something commanding in his gaze, something that made your stomach tighten.

“Or should I teach you a lesson?” he added, his hand slipping beneath your t-shirt, his touch deliberate, slow, and almost teasing.

His free hand trailed down to your leg, squeezing it slightly. “Hmm? Maybe I could fuck that attitude out of you,” he murmured as his fingers brushed against your soaked panties.

At the sensation of his touch, you slowly shook your head, your apology emerging as a barely audible whisper.

“Oh, you’re sorry, huh?” he scoffed. “You act like a bitch to my bro, and now you wanna say sorry?” He tsked, shaking his head. “We’ll need more than that.” He said, his voice low, as he unbuckled his belt, his pants falling with a soft rustle.

You knew he was pissed at you just by the look on his face, and you knew he had some unsettling ideas when he was in this mood. The tension in the air made it clear that things could spiral in any direction.

He pulled your underwear to the side as you mumbled nonsense, fear creeping into your voice.

“Maybe I should take you like that girl in the video,” he said mockingly. “Should I ask Topper for help?”

You were shaking, repeating “no,” panic clear in your eyes. Rafe only laughed at that.

He pulled his already stiff cock, the sight made you gasp. When he began to tease your entrance, his eyes never left yours, the intensity of his gaze making your heart race. You could feel the fear rising within you, every muscle in your body tensed, unsure of what would come next.

“Chill,” he said, smirking. “If not, it’s gonna hurt worse.” Without giving you a moment to relax, he shoved his full length inside you, making you moan, the force taking you by surprise.

You were used to his roughness, but today felt different—like he had completely lost control. He was angry, and it was clear in every thrust he made.

“Should I take a picture now, huh? And send it to Topp. It’s his bathroom, after all,” he said with a wicked grin. The sensation was too much, and you couldn’t form a response, your mind blank as everything around you blurred. You were crying by now, tears staining your whole face.

After Rafe spilled in you, his hand landed with a sharp spank against your skin, and the sting made you flinch. “Go apologize to Topper now.” he commanded, his voice unwavering.

[dilf-docs]

Hand To Heart (I'm Gonna Stay Faithful)

bfd!joel miller x younger!reader

summary: a pregnancy scare makes you realize just how deep you are in this.

warnings: 18+ (minors dni), age gap, smut, p. in v., pregnancy scare, fingering (WE GET IT U LIKE IT), bit of praise kink, humilliation kink, breeding kink (they're stupid and insane acc), dacryphilia, sex thru the looking glass (there's a mirror in reader's dorm), ANGST in capital, they're starting to catch the feels™ ur honor, hurt/comfort, plot thiccens, this people are clearly NOT in a good headspace btw idk we listen read and don't judge.

word count: 4,757 words

side note: everyone calling this joel nasty but thirsting after him too? was going to hold a trial over my citizens but yk... what the hell, sure! i too want nasty bfd!joel to ruin me: he can be my baby daddy who doesn't pay for child support of our 4 kids and we'd make way to bed for our 5th LET'S GO also spam time! but i also happen to write in wattpad, and got a pedro pascal social media fic going on :) it's on spanish tho, but if u speak the language and would like to tune in, u can read it here

part: prev | masterlist | next

It's a regular Tuesday when his phone rings at ten in the morning.

"Dad"

Joel gets up from his desk in a brash move, immediately picking up his daughter's worried tone. Tommy bursts inside, telling him to calm down, but all Joel can hear is the anxious beat in his chest.

"What's it, babygirl? You okay?" his throat tightens. "Talk to me"

There's silence before she answers, as if she's unsure to continue.

"It's not me" he feels his muscles relaxing, but then Sarah drops the bomb. "It's y/n"

Joel's heart beats with a different type of worry.

"What's wrong with her?" voice firm but emotionless.

It's almost summer again, and he's still seeing you. In a way, you had carved a space for yourself in his cold heart, so naturally, fear settles in. He'd never admit this things out loud, though.

"I don't know, dad" his daughter starts to rush the words out, panic evident on her voice. "She has locked herself in the bathroom and won't stop crying. I-I didn't know who else to call"

"Don't worry" but it sounds like he's trying to convince himself. "M' comin'. S'anyone else in there?"

There's a pause on the line before she answers.

"No"

He thinks of you. He'd seen you cry before, of course, but it'd been over silly childish stuff, like getting sent to bed early or not getting what you wanted for Christmas.

He thinks of you. Images of your pretty face, etched in pain, make his stomach drop. It isn't fair: your face was one destined to be happy for eternity, your smile so contagious Joel would sometimes find himself surrendering to your juvenile joy, his crow feet a little more notorious since you entered his life and carved your space on it by force; a light in the dark.

He just couldn't bear to see a mirror of his dullness on your face. It wasn't right.

"Stay put. I'll be there"

He tries not to think about your eyes drained of life. He tries not to think he's the cause. And then, he hangs.

As soon as Joel enters your dorm, your perfume is up his nostrils, providing him with a sense of relief he didn't know he needed. It was comforting and familiar, words that used to be hollow now carrying a knowing feeling that stung right on his chest.

"Dad" Sarah calls out, going for a hug. Joel embraces his daughter tightly while caressing her hair. "I'm so glad that you're here. I didn't know what to do"

"Breath in, babygirl. S'alright" he looks at your door, closed. Broken sobs can be heard, and his wounded heart feels like a heavy burden on his chest.

"My class starts in ten" Sarah speaks against the fabric of his flannel, "but I just couldn't leave her like this"

His daughter has a good heart. At least one of them did, anyway.

"Go to your class" he's commanding before he can fully process what he said.

Sarah breaks the hug, looking at him with a look he can't quite place.

"What? But, dad-" she tries to protest, concerned for your wellbeing.

"I'll take care of it. Always do, haven't I?" he sees her hesitation, and afraid of where her doubts would take her, Joel adds a small joke in there. "Y'know those classes ain't free, kid. Go ahead"

"Okay" she gives up. "Just... tell me if anything happens, yes?"

"F'course. Trust me"

"I trust you"

He still remembers when Sarah's kindergarten teacher handed him that drawing: Joel was wearing a cape, and she said his little girl had told everyone in class his dad was a superhero because there was nothing he couldn't do. That same admiration and faith is there in her eyes, even as the small naive kid slips from his fingers and turns into the woman that stands before him. He's not the devil, but the worst father in the world, and that is pretty much the same to him.

When Sarah is out of your dorm, he's trapped inside the small room with your heavy crying on the other side of the door. He looks at the small place, thinking about all the times he's sneaked inside during the night, hiding like a criminal as you wait for him behind the door full of scrapped stickers, ready to capture his lips with an eagerness that gnaws his chest.

Now it's just him and your sobs, his terrified reflection displayed in the mirror in front of your bed, mockingly staring back.

What are you doing? it questions, and Joel, always ready to answer, has suddenly lost the ability to speak.

Forcing himself out of such a pitiful state, he approaches the door, knocking softly.

"Sarah" your hoarse voice speaks up, and just then, he realizes how much he loves hearing your voice, no matter how it sounds. "Don't you have classes to go to? Leave me, please. I promise I'm good, I-"

Joel hears your distress, so he interrupts what looks like the start of a nervous rambling wreck. Huh, doesn't he know you so well?

"Sarah's gone" a beat, "It's me, Joel"

As if you wouldn't recognize that deep voice even if you were deaf.

There's silence before the door flings open, surprising Joel, who takes a step back, barely noticeable to the rest, but obvious to you, who has spent hours admiring him and all his small movements, he who you could draw by memory and built in your head as real as he who was standing before you, his eyes circling with a whirlwind of emotions you can't quite place, yet make your heart race.

Joel takes in the sight of you, deciding it's unfair how good you look, despite your disheveled hair, run mascara and red-rimmed eyes: you are still the prettiest sight he's ever seen, and now he doesn't know what scares him the most.

"You're wearing my shirt" he says out loud his latest discovery. It's all he manages to say: not an are you okay? nor an what's wrong?

No, Joel just happens to be very stupid(ly in love).

"Sarah didn't see me" you hug the fabric that makes your frame look smaller, or maybe it's your tired composture that makes it seem that way, avoiding Joel from enjoying the way his shirt looks on you. "If that's what you wanted to know. Been inside there for hours, already was when she came by"

The fact that you rather explain and assure him of his supposed possible worries instead of sharing your own, makes his stomach tie on a knot. Were you too kind or perhaps selfless? Maybe just stupid(ly in love).

Joel grunts, and you're not sure if it's his way of dissmissing your comment (maybe he thinks you're lying), chastising you in a shallow manner or the fact that you're poorly trying to avoid the elephant in the room. Maybe he thinks you're still a foolish careless child who can't comprehend the weight of whatever it is you're doing by being with your bestfriend's dad behind everyone's back.

"Tell me" he gets closer to you, fingers on your cheeks, but they don't dig the skin, instead, his roughness hiding a surprising tenderness to them. "What happened, y/n?"

The rawness in his voice takes you by surprise. Joel Miller, who seemed a man impossible to waver, now stood before you, wrapped in a gloom that left you at loss for words, something akin to hope planting it's seed on your heart.

"Tell me" he demands, yet his pupils move as unsteady as your heart. There's no power for command in his voice, only what you could allude to helplessness.

Was it because you were putting up walls like he did?

Was it because the consequences of being with you are starting to dawn upon him?

Whatever it is, you don't like it.

"What's wrong?" he's pushing for an answer softly, such a contrasting image to that of him in bed. "Please, talk to me"

Please.

The words slip past his trembling lips, defenses crumbling.

Joel Miller hasn't pleaded since Sarah's mother packed her bags and walked out of their shared home. He promised himself he would never be vulnerable again, never at the feet of a loved one, beggin to be seen.

To be heard. To not be hurt. To be loved.

But here you were, red eyes blown wide at a confession spoken through other words.

Please.

Your chest feels heavy, breath constricted.

"Joel..." you utter his name like a prayer. As something to believe in; something to hold.

He rushes to your side, strong arms caging around you as your labored cries fill the tiny room.

"S'alright" he whispers against your ear, burying his face on your shaking shoulder. "M' right'ere, doll"

Your hold turns more desperate, practically clinging as if your life depended on it.

"Take your time, y/n" your name so soft, you feel like crying more. "I ain't goin' anywhere"

"Promise me" you whimper, holding tightly.

"I won't go" he assures. There it is, the same unwavering strength you know. It's for you, he thinks.

"Joel" you call out again, tone terrified. "I think I'm pregnant"

It takes him at least a minute to speak. Even to breathe.

"...What?"

He feels your erratic pulse against his chest.

"Joel. Look at me"

He doesn't feel your heartbeat anymore. Just then he realizes he's backed down, embrace letting go of yours. Joel takes in your eyes, shimmering with new tears and fears.

"Joel?"

"I'm here" his voice sounds like it belongs to someone else, and the reminder like it's for himself.

"I know" your small voice speaks up, "but, just- please, look at me"

Joel holds your gaze, and it's like your air supply as been cut.

We don't want this.

"Are you sure?" Joel asks cautiously, as if you were a small animal he's afraid to scare.

"No" you breath in. "I bought the test, but I couldn't take it... I was, for the very first time in my life, scared. But there's always a first, isn't it? That's when Sarah found me"

There's always a first. You weren't afraid when he pounced you next to his sleeping daughter, neither when you didn't stop coming and he let you in everytime, and absolutely not when he obscenely ate you out while Sarah was on the phone. No, you were brave―brave enough to stand defiant when his conflicting gaze pierced through you, daring you to be the first to leave this mess and forget about him. But you were brave because you stayed, despite it all.

That had to mean something, right?

"You said you wouldn't leave me" it comes out in a shaky breath; a threat. Your voice seethes with a quiet rage. "You promised, Joel"

Like the word promise was a dagger twisting on his insides, not a sacred oath.

So he forces himself to be that hero Sarah still thinks he is. After all, he promised her he's going to solve this, didn't he?

"I did" he runs a hand through his hair. "Got the test with you?" You slowly nod. "Take it, then. I'll wait here"

You don't move from your spot, chest still moving uneven under your labored breaths.

"When you come out, I'll promise I'll still be here"

He can't promise you more. The world? It's what you deserve but not what he can give; Joel can only give so much.

"Okay" your tone is clipped, and that's all you say before entering the bathroom and closing the door behind you.

The room feels smaller than it is, the small plastic stick feeling heavier in your fingers than it actually is. You hear the clock's tick, Joel's frantic pace and your own irrational beat. It feels like a bomb: ready to explode and destroy everything within it's range.

Time drags like a cigarette, walls closing over your shaking pale frame. Your phone has a timer going on, yet for some reason, it feels an end to your beginning. You hug your body, wishing it was Joel's arms doing so.

But you saw it: fear, hesitation. It was on his eyes, auburn cracking like wood under fire. He was weak, and so were you. All of this... it starts to loose it's meaning. What started as a summer fling now falls upon you like a second skin you can't quite wash off, and it's suffocating as much as the enclosed space where a stupid line could change the rest of your life forever.

Joel outside isn't doing much better. He's aware his walking probably set you on edge, so now he's sat at the small bed that dips under his weight. He takes one deep breath, two―then looses count.

How could he be so careless? For a brief moment, why did he let himself believe it could be?

For God's sake: you were his daughter's friend. He had seen you and Sarah play on his house, laughing on his porch, gossiping on her bedroom. Growing up.

He wanted you, a desire so consuming it sometimes kept him up at night, thoughts confusing with something else. Probably fear, probably acceptance.

Joel is aware you changed his life. You, with your wild spirit and obnoxious laugh. You whom he couldn't tear his gaze away when standing in the same room, a magnetic force making the world around you drawn to you and that dangerous allure you had that made it impossible to resist you. To forget you. To live without you.

He feels dirty. A monster. A wolf with an insatiable hunger, sinking his canine teeth on your soft flesh. He'd drink your blood, to always keep a part of you with him; to be one. Like a lamb sent to the slaughter: but you wanted it. You had placed your head inside his jaw; trusting. As if knowing he could devour you, yet he'd never hurt you. Daring, almost.

Show me you can love me. Take a bite. Take me as yours. Mark me. Ruin me for anyone else. My blood, it belongs to you. This isn't a sacrifice―this is love.

When you exit the bathroom, hand holding the pregnancy test, it's all clear to him.

For a moment even, Joel forgets there's a world outside and sees a small baby: they have your smile, your eyes―and nothing of him, because you're the sun of his moon, the light of his darkness, and that baby is a mirror of you and your beauty. You and your warmth, devoid of his cold and far from where his filth can taint it. They have to look like you, because you are the most beautiful person in the world, and suddenly, the idea one more of you is possible, makes it feel like just you isn't enough.

"It's negative"

For the second time in the day, Joel is rendered speechless. His gaze is trained on the floor, lost in thought. Besides his lack of an answer, whatever he's thinking makes you nervous.

"Joel, are you okay?" you call out.

He swallows the lump on his throat, pose awkward before he moves next to your bed.

"M' fine, baby. C'mere" he sits over it again, motioning with his hand the empty spot next to him. Joel's embrace is warm, like it shields you from the cold harsh truth.

"Are you upset?" you ask over the comfortable silence, the underlying tension stretching like a rubber band.

"No" his answer comes quick, "but I won't lie to ya', doll. Thought for a sec and ol' man like me could give a pretty girl like yourself a baby as beautiful as their mamma"

A treacherous pink dusts your cheeks. Had you lost all your common sense? Seconds ago, your life hung by a fragile thread, and now all your body can think is to go for the same risk again. Fuck it.

"Did you? I thought you were too busy freaking out"

Joel lets out a nervous laugh. "M' a busy man, doll. Learned how to do two things at once"

A fire settles in your stomach when his touch lingers over your soft flat belly, longing.

"Hmm, I see" your fingers move from his hold to his collarbone, as they play with the buttons he hasn't wore.

"Y/n" he warns. You stop for a moment, not because you're unsure, but because when you look up, his eyes don't shine with that glint of danger and hunger that gives you the thrills. Instead, they look at you with a fondness he doesn't seem to even realize―the one that gives you the hope of it all.

"I want this" you speak up, voice confident.

"I don't think that's a good idea, doll. What'ya need is-"

"You" your face gets close to his, cutting his words and breath. Joel's adam's apple bobs, your throbbing pussy going through a Pavlovian response, such action an indicator he's surrendered to you, mouth watering at just the thought. "You said you could do two things at the same time, right? The comfort me in the only way you know"

There's hesitation on his eyes, and while you think it's because he's still hung up on the idea this isn't what you need, Joel's mind is stuck in the fact you think he can only warm your bed but not your heart. It's stupid, indeed. It can't affect him that much. Ashamed, he cuts the space hanging between your lips and traps them in a heated kiss.

"Hmh, Joel" your voice barely audible as Joel's fingers grip on your hair, his sleazy tongue sliding it's way into your mouth until you can feel it in your teeth. "Please..."

He chuckles at your neediness. "Please, what?"

"Please" you whimper, feeling your back heat with droplets of sweat under Joel's shirt, the sticky feeling akin to that starting to pool in between your thighs. "Please, make me feel good"

Joel smiles adoringly, moving your body until your legs are up his shoulders. Sure, his knees covered by his dirty worn-out jeans are ruining your fresh laundry, and his joints may crack here and there, but you don't pay mind to this little things: all you care is how he's kissing your bare thighs, his salt and pepper stubble tickling skin that feels more sensitive than ever; burning almost.

"Gon' touch 'tis pretty pussy 'til you forget y'r name, doll" he breathes out. "Will ya' let me?"

You nod eagerly as he helps you get out of your panties, throwing them somewhere around the room. You smack his arm playfully at his rough manners, but then he's pressing his lips with wet ticklish kisses on your legs and laughter bubbles at the tingles it's causing.

"S-stop, Joel!" you beg, legs shaking. Your giggles are contagious, and soon the foreign feeling lifts the corners of his scowl into a smile, a concept becoming more familiar with time.

"I ain't stopping" his fingers then graze your clit, tauntingly. You whine, as Joel doesn't let up on your clit, his calloused digits coated in your arousal. "'Tis what you asked for, baby. So 'm gonna make you feel good. So good until you can't speak nothin' that ain't my name"

The threat feels like a delicious promise, so you tell him you'll behave.

"I wanna try somethin', doll. Wait" you whine at the loss of his fingers inside of you, and then he's moving your body until he's against the wall and you're on the border of the bed. With your eyes, you follow his line of view. "So needy, ain't ya'? Cockhungry slut. Jus' scared the shit out of me and now you want me inside?" he tsks. "Sick fella"

"Joel..." you breath out, desire pooling into your orbs.

"Wanna see you, doll" you see your reflection in the mirror as Joel lowers his head to whisper on your ear, eliciting goosebumps on your skin. "Want you to see yourself, too. How you'll be beggin' for me"

His middle and ring finger dip between your folds as he continues the minstrations, fingers pumping in and out as they graze your moist cunt. They start to go in circles, and even if it's not exactly next to your bed, you can see the mirror begin to fog, whines condensed in the heavy air.

His shirt clings uncomfortably to your body, but you don't care. In a way, he feels even closer to you, as if he was an extension of yourself.

Joel's body radiates heat on it's own, making the room's temperature skyrocket.

You lean your head back onto the mattress, moaning.

"Need ya' to use that pretty mouth of y'rs, doll. Say it" his fingers linger on the dip of your hips, waiting for an answer with a smirk and daring manner. "Say what ya' want; that's if you can"

It takes you a while to speak up, the slippery sound of Joel's coated fingers the only sound to be heard on your dorm.

"I... I need" you whine through labored pants, "I need you, Joel"

I need you, Joel. It's in the heat of the moment, really, yet on that very instant, he makes a silent vow that hangs unspoken in the air.

"Good girl" he bites your earlobe, making a chill run down your spine.

His fingers fuck into you just how you like it: swirling to explore your inner tight walls.

"Fuck. Love how your pussy takes me, doll. 'S mine, isn't it? Say it, say who this pussy belongs to. Who's the only man allowed to have it"

You close your eyes, but the answer comes clear. "You, Joel. Just you"

You whine, feeling him go harder in a new-found confidence. Your nails dig on his biceps, but he doesn't flich, still busy burying his fingers inside your clit as his mouth continues spilling filthy shit you barely can comprehend, mind starting to go numb.

Normally, Joel would make you cum on his fingers, always making sure to lick it after, claiming it was bad manners to leave to waste. But today, the clock ticking in your wall, he knows he must hurry.

"Eager, eh?" you taunt back, seeing how quickly he's pulling down his underwear, guiding the tip of his cock to your entrance.

Your dripping cunt welcomes his cock, tip teasing your entrance.

"Don't" he seethes.

"Don't?" you laugh. "Don't what, laugh?"

His fingers grab your jaw tightly, forcing you to look behind you.

"Don't stop lookin', doll"

Joel slips the tip of his cock into you, his hands grabbing your waist to steady you. He looks at you through the mirror, seeing your dazed eyes, waiting as you bite your lip.

"That's it, good girl" he praises, purring against your ear. You see his face go down and lick the side of your neck before sinking his teeth in it. "Gonna reward you for'at"

Your mouth falls agape when he fully pushes his cock inside of you, burying himself to the limit in the first thrust. You moan, stretch wet pussy trying to adjust to his girth. He groans, his hips moving back and forth with yours, to meet his thrusts.

"R-right there" you whimper, feeling eyes starting to water. It had been a long day, and with his cock buried deep inside you, you can't think of anything else: just him―like this, for the rest of your life; you don't need more. "Fuck, don't stop"

His thumb rubs across your cheekbone, capturing a tear that had slipped past your foggy mind in a brittle moment of vulnerability, brown eyes flickering with something else. It could be.

We could be.

"Fuck, you cryin' over this cock, doll? What'a fuckin' slut" he laughs incredulously, but there's a hidden fondness to it. "S' that how good 'm makin' you feel?"

You can only moan, his dick harder now, his infatuation with your fucked-out state evident in the way his movements become more hectic.

"Can't even speak? What'a dirty minx inside 'tis sexy little body"

"Mhm" you blabber, tears running hot down your cheeks, landing on the mattress in fat droplets, noticeable through the reflection even. Joel stares back at your puffy eyes, devotion pouring at your glossy gaze, coated in a faint red tint, more pronounced from your earlier cries. Fuck. Never did he think your lambent eyes and sniffle sounds could turn him on this much. Something about him being the cause of it has his head spinning.

"New rule" he growls, "you keep those pretty red eyes lookin' at me when you cum"

You whimper at his words, the powerful aura they carry pushing your orgasm closer to the edge. You feel your tight folds clenching around his cock, hands holding to his back while your nails dig in it. You feel yourself approaching your release, multiple tears escaping down your cheekbone. In an obscene gesture, it isn't his thumb but his tongue what removes the wet stream from your body, feeling the salty drops on his tastebuds.

You were already so worked up, it was a matter of seconds before you could cum at any moment. Your walls clench around his length, and before you can process, Joel pulls your body up, caging your tits until they're pressed against his soft chest. You face the white paint of your wall, and Joel can see your back in the mirror as he's still buried inside of you. You gasp at the change in position, all of the sudden, a painfull delicious sensation flooding your senses.

"You're gonna cum, aren't ya', doll?" Joel's asking, hot breath nestled in your neck.

"Hmh" you barely manage to blurt as he fucks into you harder, your arms clutching onto him. You were being so loud now that you were sure you'd get at least one noise complain, hoping it stays there; if they found out not only had you been fucking, but with a fourty year old man who happpened to be the father of your bestfriend, you'd probably get expelled. "So close..."

"You know?" he whispers, voice fragile over the sound of your pants and worked up breaths. "I was scared, ealier. M' sorry you had to see that" your body trembles, making you close your eyes. "But I need ya' to know, for'a moment, I did think about having a kid with you"

Your forehead drips with sweat, mixing with the sodium of your tears.

"Maybe in 'nother life, huh?"

Your heart feels like it's about to burst when he sloppily kisses you, as to prevent any words come out of your mouth―humilliating or full of regret, avoiding the heart ache of a rejection. Joel, for a moment, lets his heart wander off to territories he shouldn't, thinking of things he should leave to be. Joel digs his hole deeper, but he doesn't care: he just wants to be the best grave in your cementery.

"Maybe" you answer, but it sounds like a possibility, the promise of a foolish mind betraying the guarded hidden hope.

"Fuck, Joel" you bury your face against his soft pecs, your orgasm crashing over you. Your whine comes our rather loud, trying to drown the sound against his body. He doesn't stop holding you on his arms, firm; you'd probably fallen if he didn't.

"Wait for me, doll. 'M close"

"Please" you plead, kissing his jaw. "Need you. Want to feel you, Joel"

Not daddy, but his name. I want you. I need you. Want to feel you; for you to fill me. He groans, rhythm sloppy as he crashes his lips into yours. he should stop, especially after today's events, but God, his traitorous head is filled with images of you, belly round with his child, one carved to be the spitting image of you.

Do it.

You moan inside his mouth when you feel him finish inside of you, thick, your fingers running through his dark greying hair damp with sweat.

"M' right here" he says his words from earlier, and you feel yourself hugging him to keep his body next to yours even as he pulls out.

"I know" you hum, arms around his neck. "Thank you for coming"

"What of both?"

You let out a laugh.

"Jesus, Joel" but your tone is devoid of malice, adquiring that layer to it, just like his own. There's a shift in the air, and if you felt it before, now you know there's no point of return. "You sure are something else"

credits: divider @kodaswrld / gif @loregifs / dts: @ann-gell; ángel de mi corazón, tkm mucho, gracias por llegar a mi vida ִֶָ. ..𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🪽་༘࿐

[rmview]

crushing on you, SKZ.

featuring — stray kids members x gn!reader ( masterlist )

summary — headcanons of what the stray kids boys are like when they have a crush, and want to pursue you!

contents — fluff, no warnings.

bang ෆ chan

⟶ bang chan isn’t one to jump into feelings recklessly. he’s incredibly observant and would notice the small things about you and these details would only deepen his crush. ⟶ around you, he’d become even more attentive, always making sure you feel comfortable. he’d check in often with a gentle “are you okay?” or a kind smile that lingers just a little longer. ⟶ he’d show his feelings through actions rather than words initially; carrying things for you, helping with your tasks, or even creating playlists of songs he thinks you’d like. ⟶ bang chan would only confess if he felt there was a strong chance his feelings were reciprocated. he’d analyze your behavior meticulously, looking for signs of interest in the way you respond to his jokes or how often you seek out his company. ⟶ he’d overthink every interaction; did that smile mean something? was the hug a little tighter than usual? his groupmates would notice his distracted state and tease him about it. ⟶ when he decides to confess, he’d rehearse his words a million times. despite his confidence as a leader, matters of the heart would leave him feeling vulnerable. ⟶ the confession would be heartfelt but cautious. “i’ve been wanting to tell you something for a while... i like you. a lot. but if you don’t feel the same, that’s okay. i just needed you to know.” ⟶ he’d make it clear that your comfort comes first, reassuring you that no matter your answer, he values your friendship deeply. ⟶ if you return his feelings, he’d be overjoyed but still grounded, wanting to take things slow and cherish every moment. if not, he’d handle it gracefully, though he’d need time to process his emotions privately. ⟶ once together, bang chan would be the most caring and supportive partner, always putting your needs above his own.

felix ෆ

⟶ felix would be adorably obvious about his feelings. his entire face would light up when he sees you, and he’d gravitate toward you in any group setting. ⟶ felix is naturally affectionate, so he’d find excuses to touch your hand, pat your head, or offer hugs. these gestures would carry a deeper meaning when it comes to you. ⟶ one of his love languages is food, so he’d bake you cookies or other treats, shyly handing them over with a hopeful smile. ⟶ felix would thrive on positive reactions from you. if you compliment him, his face would turn red, and he’d get giddy for the rest of the day. ⟶ felix wears his heart on his sleeve and would confess even if he wasn’t entirely sure of your feelings. his bravery comes from the belief that honesty is important, even if there’s a risk of rejection. ⟶ “i know this might be unexpected, but i really like you. like, more than just a friend. it’s okay if you don’t feel the same; i just wanted to be honest.” ⟶ if you don’t feel the same, he’d smile through his disappointment, assuring you that he values your friendship and respects your feelings. ⟶ if you like him back, he’d probably hug you immediately, his joy evident in the way he holds you close. ⟶ felix would want to make every moment special, surprising you with sweet gestures and heartfelt words to show how much you mean to him. ⟶ once together, he’d shower you with love, making you feel adored and appreciated every single day.

lee ෆ know

⟶ lee know wouldn’t be the type to act on his crush immediately. he’d observe you quietly, taking note of the things you like and dislike before making a move. ⟶ his feelings would show in the way he teases you; his humor would become more lighthearted and specific to your inside jokes. ⟶ he’d look out for you in subtle ways, like making sure you’re safe or stepping in to help when you’re struggling, all without making a big deal of it. ⟶ lee know would hesitate to confess unless he was almost certain you felt the same. he’s protective of his heart and wouldn’t want to risk ruining your friendship. ⟶ while usually composed, his softer side would come through when he’s around you. he’d smile more and his voice would take on a gentler tone. ⟶ he’d choose a private moment to confess, his voice steady but his eyes betraying his nerves. “i like you. more than i probably should. i just thought you should know.” ⟶ if you don’t feel the same, he’d take a step back, giving you space while ensuring things don’t become awkward. ⟶ if you return his feelings, he’d be quietly thrilled, showing his happiness through actions rather than words. ⟶ lee know isn’t overtly expressive, but his love would show in the way he remembers every little detail about you and prioritizes your happiness. ⟶ once in a relationship, he’d be fiercely loyal, showing his love in quiet but profound ways that make you feel truly special.

hyun ෆ jin

⟶ hyunjin would fall hard and fast, envisioning scenarios where he sweeps you off your feet like in a romance movie. ⟶ he’d channel his feelings into creativity, sketching you or writing poetry inspired by you, though he might be too shy to share them right away. ⟶ around you, hyunjin would be a mix of giddy excitement and nervous energy. he’d stumble over his words but recover with a charming smile. ⟶ hyunjin would want to build a strong bond before confessing. he’d spend time learning about you, making sure you’re comfortable around him. ⟶ he’d replay every interaction in his mind, analyzing your words and actions for signs that you might feel the same way. ⟶ when he confesses, his emotions would be on full display. “i’ve liked you for a while now, and it’s been driving me crazy. i just need to know; do you feel the same?” ⟶ if you don’t return his feelings, hyunjin would try to be strong, but his emotions might get the better of him. he’d need time to process, but he’d still want to stay close as a friend. ⟶ if you reciprocate, hyunjin would pour his heart into the relationship, making every moment feel like a grand romantic gesture. ⟶ he’d constantly remind you of how much you mean to him, both through words and actions, ensuring you never doubt his feelings. ⟶ once in love, hyunjin would be fully committed, treating you like the muse and center of his world.

i.n ෆ

⟶ jeongin would notice his feelings for you slowly. at first, he might brush them off, thinking he’s just being overly attentive. but soon, he’d realize how much he enjoys being around you. ⟶ around you, he’d become quieter, not out of disinterest but because he’s overthinking everything he says. his usually cheeky demeanor would soften into something sweeter. ⟶ he’d try to make you laugh more than anyone else. every giggle you give him would feel like a small victory, boosting his confidence bit by bit. ⟶ jeongin wouldn’t rush into confessing. he’d want to build a stronger connection first, ensuring you see him as more than just a friend or the “younger brother” figure. ⟶ without realizing it, he’d show his feelings through small gestures, like holding doors open for you, saving your favorite snacks, or sharing his headphones with you. ⟶ when he decides to confess, it would be straightforward but hesitant. “i’ve been thinking about this a lot... i like you. i don’t know if you feel the same, but i wanted to tell you.” ⟶ if you don’t return his feelings, he’d be hurt but wouldn’t let it show too much. he’d focus on maintaining the friendship, even if it stings for a while. ⟶ if you reciprocate, he’d be elated, though his excitement would be understated. he’d want to make sure you’re happy and comfortable every step of the way. ⟶ once in a relationship, jeongin would surprise you with little gifts or kind gestures, always thinking of ways to make you smile. ⟶ despite his younger status, jeongin would be fiercely protective of you, proving that he’s dependable and mature in the ways that matter.

han ෆ

⟶ han would be the kind of person who accidentally makes his feelings obvious. he’d stammer, blush, or trip over his words whenever he’s around you. ⟶ han would joke a lot, often deflecting serious moments with humor. if you catch him staring at you, he’d laugh it off with a silly excuse. ⟶ he’d try to impress you by being extra funny or showcasing his talents, hoping to make you notice him in a different light. ⟶ if you’re close to someone else, he might get a little jealous but wouldn’t say anything directly. instead, he’d act sulky or make sarcastic comments. ⟶ han might blurt out his feelings in a flustered moment, like, “why do you have to be so amazing all the time? it’s driving me crazy!” then he’d freeze, realizing what he just said. ⟶ when he confesses intentionally, it would be heartfelt but tinged with nervous humor. “i like you, but honestly, i have no idea why you’d like someone like me. i just had to tell you.” ⟶ if you don’t feel the same, he’d try to laugh it off but would probably need some time alone to process. he’d eventually come back with a smile, determined to stay friends. ⟶ if you return his feelings, he’d be over the moon, probably hugging you on the spot and thanking you for liking him back. ⟶ once together, han would keep the relationship fun and lighthearted, always finding ways to make you laugh and feel loved. ⟶ despite his goofy exterior, he’d have a romantic side, surprising you with sweet notes, songs, or spontaneous dates.

seung ෆ min

⟶ seungmin wouldn’t make his crush obvious. he’d watch you from afar, taking note of your habits and preferences without making a big show of it. ⟶ he’d tease you in his signature dry and witty way, but there’d be a gentleness to his tone that sets you apart from everyone else. ⟶ seungmin would take his time figuring out his feelings and yours. he’d want to be sure of everything before taking the next step. ⟶ he’d show his affection through quiet acts, like remembering your favorite drink and bringing it to you without being asked or offering to help with your tasks. ⟶ seungmin would only confess if he’s reasonably sure you might feel the same. his confession would be calm and straightforward: “i’ve been thinking about this for a while. i like you, but i don’t want to rush you into anything.” ⟶ if you don’t return his feelings, he’d handle it maturely, though he’d likely need some time to adjust before things could go back to normal. ⟶ if you reciprocate, seungmin would be attentive and reliable, always looking out for you in subtle but meaningful ways. ⟶ he’d prefer to keep affection private, valuing moments shared between just the two of you rather than public displays. ⟶ seungmin would thrive on deep conversations and shared interests, making sure your relationship is built on mutual understanding and respect. ⟶ once committed, seungmin would be your rock, always steady and unwavering in his support and affection.

chang ෆ bin

⟶ changbin might act confident around others, but when it comes to you, he’d get adorably shy. his usual boldness would waver, and he’d fumble over his words. ⟶ he’d tease you as a way to mask his feelings, throwing out cheeky comments or jokes to gauge your reaction. ⟶ changbin wouldn’t be subtle about showing his affection. he’d go out of his way to do things for you, like carrying your stuff or making sure you’re always comfortable. ⟶ he’d constantly showcase his skills, whether it’s rapping, working out, or cooking, hoping to earn your admiration. ⟶ changbin would step in if he ever saw you struggling or upset, his concern evident in the way he’d drop everything to be there for you. ⟶ he’d eventually gather his courage and confess in a straightforward but endearing way: “i like you. i’ve been trying to show it, but i think i’m better at saying it outright.” ⟶ if you don’t feel the same, he’d be deeply hurt but would try to play it off with a smile, wanting to preserve the friendship. ⟶ if you reciprocate, he’d be ecstatic, probably telling his closest friends immediately and planning how to make you the happiest. ⟶ changbin wouldn’t shy away from showing his affection publicly, always holding your hand or throwing an arm around you. ⟶ he’d balance romance and playfulness perfectly, making every moment with him feel exciting and full of love.

notes: first time writing fluff for the stray kids boys! hope yall enjoyed!

[tamamita]

The insistence on defining Zionism narrowly as "The right of self-determination for Jews" is misleading and completely ignores the theoretical and practical framework of Political Zionism. Zionism isn't just an idea without a clear definition, it is structured as a nationalist movement with its own theory, politics, and philosophy, as was the case with many other socialist and nationalist movements at that time. Zionism posed various questions and addressed various hurdles in the hopes of realizing its ambitions for the establishment of a Jewish state in Palestine. These are all discussed in the literature of classical Zionists thinkers, such as Herzl, Jabotinsky, Hess, and many more. Zionism doesn't just address the need for a Jewish state but rather provides the tools and means in order to carry out its ambitions. One of the hurdles addressed by Ahad Ha'am, Theodor Herzl and Ze'ev Jabotinsky, is "the Arab question." The Arabs are an oft-discussed topic in Zionist literature and are often viewed and treated in an orientalist and dehumanizing matter. Like primitive beings, comparable to that of donkeys, the Arabs lacked agency or any national aspiration. However, Ha'am and Jabotinsky asserted that an Arab nationalist/resistance movement would become inevitable as the Arabs themselves would feel threatened by the encroaching colonizers. The Zionist thinkers conceded that the establishment of a Jewish state could only be realized by ensuring that the Jews secured themselves as the majority in Palestine, so that they they could assure "supremacy", as Herzl puts it.

Interestingly enough, Herzl and Jabotinsky would often interchangeably refer to Arabs as "natives". The Zionists pioneers were Europeans at heart, they saw themselves as civilized as opposed to the native population with its primitiveness and barbarism, and thus sought to establish the Jewish state as a bulwark for western civilization. After all, they would seek approval and funding from various colonial empires, so it is of no surprise that Herzl would seek an audience with Cecil Rhodes on several occasions. The fact is that the Arab question is intertwined with colonization and is often discussed in juxtaposition with each other. In his essay, the Iron Wall, Ze'ev Jabotinsky would compare the aspirations of Zionist colonization to that of Hernan Cortez, Pizzaro and the pilgrimage father, and saw the process of colonization of Palestine as an imperative that must happen regardless of the consent of the native population, even if it came to pass that they would put up resistance.

So when Liberal Zionists complain about how Zionism is misunderstood by its detractors, it is misleading; an obfuscation of its purpose and colonial nature, further clad in deceptive utopian and progressive language. I am completely convinced that Liberal Zionists themselves are utterly ignorant of what Zionism is in practice, its history, and the theoretical framework. In fact, Jabotinsky repudiates the ignorance of liberal/moderate Zionists for this reason as he clearly saw the establishment of the Jewish state as being inherently colonial and that Arab discontent and resistance was inevitable.

Zionism, as a nationalist, political and chauvinist movement, can not be defined without including the Arab question.

[meelsport]

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