#While I think meds would have helped me I also think that the average modern American psychiatrist solution of like

[rattusn0rvegicus]

Bro they really be trying to put four year olds on antipsychotics... crazy shit

[gildedmuse]

Yes, please. More ZoLaw... How about AU ideas?

Oh, I have ton of AU ideas. Some of which I have like 11 pages of co-brainstorming, some of which I've written up summaries roughly the length of some of which are just two words: [blank] Zoro / [Blank] Law. Here's the best list I can put together while on my way to work.

Okay, Hear Me Out. A ZoLaw Fic Where....

Zoro Is Law's Marine Bodyguard....

After Corazon dies, the navy does some digging. Years later they learn about Law and insist he is in danger as Doflamingo has located him as well. A young marine, Zoro, is assigned to guard him

Law Is A Marine & Roronoa Zoro Is His Obsession...

Or Law follows in Corazon's footsteps and becomes a marine. He sort of takes Tashigi's place as Smoker's sidekick second in command. So he's there in Lougetown when the Strawhats breeze into town. and the two develope an... Intense rivalry in which Law is determined to hunt down the cocky young swordsman (mostly because he feels like a fool... Why in the world would be agree to a fight without using his devil's fruit? What kind of argument is "it's cheap" anyway? Why the hell had he been thinking?) while Zoro enjoys taunting the handsome, moody marine he kicked the ass off back in Lougetown (or totally would have if they hadn't been interrupted).

Just wait until Law follows him all the way to Dressrosa. He's been avoiding meeting The Heavenly Demon since he became a marine, so why they hell is he willing to follow this green haired pirate hunter into the devil's own home?

Zoro Hates All Doctors (Except Law) (And Also It's A College AU Because Why Not?)

Modern AU where Law is an overworked med student filling shifts at the student clinic and Zoro is a at University on a kendo scholarship, preparing for the olympics. He has a knack for getting injured (it doesn't help that his coach, Mihawk Dracula, doesn't believe in pulling punches... Or whatever the sword equivalent is). Still, he absolutely hates going to the clinic. One day Law is taking out some tension at the gym practicing with his own blade when Zoro gets badly hurt. Law rushes over to help, and since Zoro isn't really in a position to say no he has to let the young doctor help him.

After that whenever Zoro gets injured he still refuses to go to a doctor. What he does do is lurk outside the student clinic (typically with Luffy in toe to keep him company - even if your injured and tired, you can never get too bored with Luffy as your best friend) until Law gets tired of it and makes him come in so he can fix up whatever he's managed to injure this time.

The clinic receptionist - Perona - doesn't find this cute at all. Mostly because Zoro is typically sweaty and gross and the Monkey boy is just annoying. His fellow student interns Shachi and Penguin are just impressed Law has put up with him this long (they did ask if the Kendo scene attracted a lot of girls, but Law's blank stare pretty much answered that one) while Assistant Professor and Physician Marco thinks it's adorable but is kind enough to only tease Law about it occasionally (he doesn't ask about fangirls in the kendo scene since he's pretty much certain that's not Zoro's scene either way).

Of the two tenured professors who officially oversee the clinic, Dr. Crocus has never said anything to Law about the whole situation except for letting him know when Zoro is waiting outside. He does, however, sometimes bring Zoro and Luffy by snacks or something to drink and has even kept them company an few times. No need for the two of them to wait out there with no one looking out for them (and, yes, they clearly need someone looking out for them). On the other hand Dr. Kureha has never believed in cuddling her students. The exact opposite actually. She started by telling Law he'd best take his pet home since he couldn't have it here all day ("Pet? What pet? Whoever it is, it's not mine, Dr. Kureha-ya." / "So that green haired stray and his little monkey friend don't belong to you?" / "Green hai- Urg."), Which eventually evolved to her telling him this was a clinic not a dating service ("He's not... *Sigh*") and finally came to the point where she just snips st Law for not being able to control even a simple minded athlete then how does he plan to deal with actual problem patients? She's also made a point of telling Zoro off - it pretty obvious that even when he does come by the clinic he only does so after either accumulating multiple injuries or continuing to push one until it gets far worse than needed. Is the boy an idiot? Why wait until things are so bad, and why is he wasting the time of one of her top students? If he wants to stalk one of the postgrads he could at least pick a less talented one. There are plenty to choose from.

Marco tried to make up for this lecture (after which Zoro stayed away for three months until he almost lost an eye) by offering to let Zoro and Luffy wait in the actual clinic to wait. (To which Luffy helpfully announces, "Zoro isn't waiting for the clinic, he's waiting for Toroa." Which kinda makes Zoro want to strangle his best friend but since he's currently holding a towel up to his eye and feels pretty sick at the thought of not making these games because he's an idiot, he only managed an apologetic smile and mentally promises himself to pinch Luffy later. Marco is totally unsurprised by this answer, for what it's worth.)

(Also, it turns out Kendo does attract at least a couple of girls, at least at the Olympics level. It's probably more accurate to say that Dracule Mihawk and Roronoa Zoro attract attention, which Law only learns because he was heading home after his shift and saw a bit if activity around the gymnasium and wandered over purely out of curiosity and somehow accidentally ended up watching Zoro's match. And that randomly happened a couple of times. Look, the best parking is by the gym he practically has to walk by to get to his car. He isn't going out of his way. And he has a valid reason to be interested in kendo. (Also, appro of nothing, Tashigi seems like an annoying know it all and Hiyori seems like a silly teenage girl and why is Perona even here?)

Shanks Uses His Yonko Status For It's Highest Purpose - Mischief

While sailing to Wano, they stop at an island to gather supplies when they are ambushed. It turns out to be one occupied by the Head Haired Pirates. Before anyone can attcak, Shanks steps into view, smiling. He greets Kin'emon and Kunjuro (they were with the Roger pirates for a while). Robin, Franky and Usopp he recognizes as friends of Luffy. Weirdly, he calls Zoro 'Mihawk'ss boy'. Law corrects him as Zoro is also in the Strawhats. Shanks laughs because while that may be true, he's met Zoro and he's Mihawk's boy to him. Law seems unhappy with this description, while Zoro just rolls his eyes, calling Shanks an old pervert and to stop messing around. Despite everyone else freaking out, Shanks laughs it off. He insists surely Mihawk would be the pervert in that situation. Law dislikes the whole conversation. It only gets worse when it turns out they have to stay on the island two weeks, and Mihawk is visiting as well. Under Shank's bad influence (and seeing how such comments got under the other Captain's skin even if he wouldn't admit to it) he convinced Mihawk to join him in creating some mischief (Shanks is a terrible influence).

Law Is Working For Doflamingo, Gathering Information On & Chain Off Rookie Pirates

Instead of Bellemy, the crew find Law right before Skypea. He is also (secretly) working for Doflamingo. Typically it's his job to narrow out the herd, and for the pirates that might make it to the second half of the Grand Line, his job is to gather information that may be useful in "convincing" them over to Doflamingo's side later or else can be useful in eliminating them if they become a threat.

Unlike Bellamy, it takes Law only one conversation in the bar to determine that the Strawhats aren't your average pirates. Their captain's open, naive nature makes gathering information on them rather straight forward. Which is how Law determines that his biggest advantage is his crews loyalty, and none seem more so than his handsome swordsman. Luffy seems to naturally open and unashamed to be able to gather blackmail material on, but Law's willing to bet if you own Zoro, you'd more or less own the captain. So he sets out to do just that.

Swords Are Cats

Zoro owns three infamous crazy cats. Law is a vet. Look, this is an AU in which Swords are cats. Zoro has two in particular that no vet is willing (or able) to get anywhere near. When Wado gets sick, though, he shows up to The Heart Veterinary Clinic (it sounds like such a cheesy name he already can't stand it) with all three in toe. Best to get everything done at once since it's unlikely they'll ever be allowed back again. Sure enough, Shisui just has to start the trip off by escaping when Zoro is checking in.

Law is in his office when he notices Kikoku is gone, which is strange. She usually likes to stick by his side. He goes looking for her and is surprised to find her hiding under the receptionist desk, curled up peacefully with another cat. He holds up the strange tomcat only to very nearly lose an eye. Zoro catches the poor thing midair when Law stumbles back from surprise, honestly just thankful to find him before he caused any damage.

Law takes one look at Zoro and the three cats and instantly knows two things:

A. Oh, so these are the demon cats he was warned about by Tashigi and Pica and Wanda and even Shanks who seems like he can put up with almost any animal

B. He's definitely going to get these cats to like him, if only to ensure that Zoro back.

Law Ends Up On Kuraigana Island

Incredibly simple What If premise. What if instead of fighying two pacsifistas alongside the Kid pirates, the Heart Pirates wind up on the battle field with the Strawhats. When the real Kuma shoes up, Law gets a little too close to the action and is sent along with Zoro to Kuraigana Island. This has everything you need in an AU. Zoro and Law going from complete strangers to friendly rivalry to sexual tension because they're stuck on an island for two years together. A possible love triangle with Mihawk. Perona being either an annoying bratty sister to Zoro (who in fairness beat up her crew) while openlh crushing on a disinterested Law or a Perona silently shipping the two of them long before they even take any real notice of each other (I'm guessing she'd talk about it with her hallows). Bonus points for scenes of The Heart Pirates trying desperately to find their beloved captain.

I'm kidding. Bonus points for adding Mihawk in the mix and making it a triangle filled with possessiveness, jealousy and a totally unaware he's in the middle of it all Zoro. That's my jam.

They Were Childhood Friends (Who Haven't Seen Each Other In Years)

Sometimes, all an AU needs to be is a romamtic comedy formula lifted wholesale and recontextualized to fit whatever fandom you're into. So, yeah. Law and Zoro grow up at the same dojo but haven't seen each other in years, then suddenly Law is sitting there in ten Sabaody auction house when the something crashes through the roof, and that something looks a lot like a boy he hasn't seen since he left the dojo at 18. Or, hey, maybe Law catches a wanted poster of "his little brother" while sailing on the Grand Line and decides to track him down just to see how he's doing. And probably he was totally unaware that at 13/14 years old, Zoro had just about the biggest crush in the world on him.

Although most the Strawhats definitely know. Or at least figure it out damn quickly. It's kind of hard to miss how their badass swordsman suddenly can't make eye contact or flushes at the slightest provocation. ("Do you think the Heart captain realizes?"/"Maybe it's just because Zoro looked up to him. I mean, I can't imagine him actually LIKING someone."/"Oh, come off it, you'd have to be blind not to see!"/"I think it's sweet that our swordsman-san still holds such a place for what must have been his first major crush."/"Yeah, who know Zoro-bro could be such a romantic!")

Strawhats antics ensue.

Law Uses His Shichibukai Connections For Something Other Than Revenge (So Sex. Sex and Revange.)

After becoming a Shichibukai, Law meets Mihawk at an official summon and picks up on the fact that Zoro is training there. Having promised Luffy he would look it to his nakama's safety should be discover them (something he had thought would never happen) he follows Mihawk back to the island to see how Zoro's training holds up.

Perona Is Zoro's Older Sister, Just To Create Drama

AU where Perona is Zoro's older sister. She hangs out with a much darker, edgier crowd than Zoro approves of. He find Law especially questionable and not just because they seem to have a 'thing' (in my mind Zoro is in high school while Perona and Law are not in college. He's heard about the way college boys often are and he doesn't really understand that all their relationship is entirely casual, and most the time when he catches Perona cuddling up to him, it's just her being cutesy (and because she knows that while it annoys Law a little, he won't do anything to stop him). He also doesn't understand why every time he tries to confront Law about it he ends up feeling so flustered. (Not that Law is about to openly hit on his friend's little brother, but some teasing never hurt)

There's Only One Bed. Because There Is ALWAYS A Story With Only One Bed

The Polar Tang and Sunny are stolen while the two crews are meeting up, talking over a plan to take down Blackbeard (okay fine, LAW is doing all the planning). Luckily, Shanks just happens to be passing by and offers them a lift, but as big as his ship is, three whole crews take up a lot of space. And despite Shanks (joking) offer to let Zoro share his bed, Law is the one who ends up stuffed into a single hammock with the Swordsman.

Law Tries To Sleep With His Uncle's Partner (Not As Terrible As If Sounds)

Law's uncle Corazon works in Law enforcement. He talks endlessly about his new rookie partner to the point of Law's annoyance. Until Corazon brings the young green haired detective home for dinner.

Law Is The Ship Doctor For The Strawhats Pirates

Corazon lives and runs off with Law, who grows up to be a doctor. One day, a pirate ships sails to their island. They have a sick crew member and desperate for help. Law doesn't help pirates, but then the corrupt ruler of their island has Corazon arrested and locked up, claiming he's found his true identity and plans to sell him out to his brother. They come for Law, but the Strawhats save him despite his refusal to help them (Luffy doesn't mind, he's sure Torao has his reasons and anyway Corazon is an amazing man who gave them a free lunch and he's sure Torao is just as good.) The Strawhats rescue Corazon, kick out the evil ruler and bring peace back to the island. Law finds himself compelled to accompany them.

Law Tutors Zoro (In The Ways Of Love Math)

Zoro's life is way too stressful. Between kendo competitions, a job that doesn't pay enough, a second job that's a bit questionable not too mention school. He doesn't even care about most that stuff, but if he wants to be the greatest at his sport, the rest is sort of necessary. Like training. One thing he definitely needs more training in is school work. Zoro has to keep a certain GPA to keep his Kendo scholarship. Luffy insists he knows the perfect tutor, and while Zoro isn't so sure about Luffy's judgement on intelligence, he trusts his friend. Enter Trafalgar Law, college senior who tutors on the side. Oh, and - as he casually mentions at the end of their first session that he's seen Zoro at his job. No, not as at the restaurant, but the online videos. And he has to say, he's quite the fan.

There are a few I didn't manage to get to tonight, despite being some of my favorites. Maybe later, when work has not drained the life out of me, you can hear about...

Drummer Zoro/Med Student Law

Marine Law/Revolutionary Zoro

Marine Law/Marine Zoro

Police Zoro/ME Law

Rock Star Law / Bodyguard Zoro

Biker Gang Zoro / Anarchist Group Law

Kendo Olympic Champion Zoro / Sports Doctor Law

Kendo Rivals Zoro / Law

Evil Doflamingo Pirate Law / Captive Zoro

Samurai Zoro / Ninja Law

Detective Zoro / Art Thief Law

[simplyclockwork]

Simplyclockwork Fic Recs

Alternate Universe/Crossovers

I am breaking my massive fic rec into pieces by genres.

Performance in a Leading Role - @madlori

Explicit. 156,714 words. 21 chapters.

Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world?

A Moment’s Surrender - anchors

Mature. 64,272 words. 10 chapters.

Sherlock tours worldwide with the English National Ballet. John dances the Lindy Hop competitively all across the globe. That they would meet, then, by the slimmest of chances in one lonely city, is pure coincidence. The whole 'dancing together' bit is a little more planned. Dancer!AU.

Love or What You Will - @miss-frankenstein

Teen and Up. 31,987 words. 11 chapters.

John is an English professor who specializes in War and Post-War Literature and Sherlock is the brilliant yet impossible Ph.D. student assigned to be his TA because no one in the Chemistry Department is willing to put up with him. And - somewhere between Waugh and Plath, e-mails and takeaway, novels and villanelles - they fall in love.

Two Two One Bravo Baker - abudantlyqueer

Explicit. 114,574 words. 27 chapters.

Captain John Watson of 40 Commando, the Royal Marines, is assigned to protect and assist Sherlock Holmes as he investigates what appears to be a simple war atrocity in Afghanistan. An intense attraction ignites between the two men as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens everything they’ve ever known, but Sherlock is as much hunted as hunter, and everyone close to him is in deadly danger. Can he solve the case in time to save himself and John?

The Jewel in the Tower - PoppyAlexander (@fuckyeahfightlock)

Explicit. 207,079 words. 39 chapters.

"Xie [...] had invented an entire pleasure-industry by combining superior visual aesthetics with impeccable personal attention. Drasha salons were by that time a feature of any even half-decent house of repose in every pleasure district in the British Isles, but once upon a time, when Xie debuted, there had been only one, and Xie had named it: the Icehouse."

* In a contemporary dystopia, Unity is peace--despite the fact unsanctioned information, illicit currency, and every sort of danger flows unchecked in the world's pleasure districts.

John Watson, a weary hired gun, is assigned by the mysterious Mentor to investigate a subversive element lurking in the Icehouse, the world's most famous House of Repose. As accustomed as he is to dealing with the unexpected, John is nevertheless woefully unprepared to meet the gem of the Ice house, Xie, the world renowned "drashaskaya," the living work of art after which all other drashas are modeled.

In sumptuous suites, amid trailing puddles of silk and fervent whispers in the night, John soon learns that nothing is as it seems in the floating world of London's pleasure district. *

Modern-day dystopian/one-world government/espionage/geisha!lock AU

The Loss of Flesh and Soul - deuxexmycroft 

Explicit. 60,000+ words. Unfinished.

Five years after John Watson puts the murderous Sherlock Holmes behind bars, a vicious copycat killer emerges. A reluctant John is pulled out of retirement to seek the expertise of the only man who can help, a man who has developed an unsettling obsession with John himself.

Crossover with Red Dragon/Silence of the Lambs

Simplyclockwork note: Not fully finished, but an alternative ending was posted. Still worth reading without a full ending.

I wake up and I wake up and you’re still dead - thisprettywren (memento/Sherlock crossover)

Mature. 24,226 words. One-shot.

Sherlock isn't the only one who's lost.

The Sinking of the Titanic: Sixty Years Later - flawedamythyst

Teen and Up. 15,340 words. One-shot.

John Watson is interviewed for a documentary being made for the sixtieth anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. The story he tells is not the one the interviewer was expecting.

The Bachelors’ Handfasting - Jberry

Explicit. 30,624 words. 20 chapters.

After her son is caught in a compromising position, Victoria Holmes must make arrangements for a quick marriage between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.

Simplyclockwork note: Kilt!Lock and Soft Bab Sherlock (but of age)

Just to Hold You Close - @sussexbound

Explicit. 70,841 words. 18 chapters.

When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

Summit Fever - @jbaillier

Mature. 78,867 words. 18 chapters.

After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he's a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover's trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I — the most lethal of all the world's highest mountains — shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

The Last Companion - standbygo (@blogstandbygo)

Explicit. 34,101 words. 14 chapters.

Thirty years after the Miranda Wars, there is peace, both on the Rim and the Core planets. There are a number of old social mores still in place, such as the Order of Companions, but there is a sense that even such respected practices are coming to an end…

Sherlock is a Companion - the best Companion on Persephone. With a bit of detective work on the side, of course. Then he meets a man named John Watson, encounters a series of bizarre cases, and finds his world is getting turned upside down.

Simplyclockwork note: Sherlock/Firefly AU!

Out There - @discordantwords

Teen and up. 131,695 words. 10 chapters.

FBI Special Agent John Watson, medical doctor and army veteran, is assigned to assist eccentric genius Sherlock Holmes with paranormal investigations on the X-Files project.

This is a fusion with The X-Files, written for the Fall TV Season Challenge.

Say You’ll Stay With Me - justacookieofacumberbatch (buffyholic)

Explicit. 63,349 words. 21 chapters.

It was just supposed to be an ordinary business trip, but when John's car stalls out on Hollywood Boulevard, he meets someone who just might change his life.

Simplyclockwork note: Pretty Woman/Sherlock AU.

Gimme Shelter - @sincewhendoyoucallme-john

Explicit. 159,368 words. 21 chapters.

All John Watson wants is the feeling of a freshly waxed surfboard under his feet and the hot California sun baking down onto his back. To finally go pro in the newly formed world of professional surfing and leave the dark memories of his past behind him as he rips across the face of a towering blue barrel. To lounge beside the beach bonfire every evening with an ice cold beer tucked into the cool sand beside him and listen to Pink Floyd and the Doors while the saltwater dries in his sun bleached hair.

That's all he wants, that is, until the hot young phenom taking Oahu and the Hawaiian shores by storm steps up next to him in the sand in the second round of the 1976 International Surf Competition.

Apokalypsis - songlin

Mature. 12,125 words. 4 chapters.

There were things I never told you because I thought we had time. There is no time left in the world anymore.

Sensory Science - @sussexbound

Explicit. 80,017 words. 24 chapters.

John Watson has been invalided home from Afghanistan and is struggling with anxiety, depression, PTSD and insomnia, when an old friend from med school recommends something that might help: An ASMR YouTube Channel run by a friend.

One session in and John is hooked, not only by the way the ASMR seems to calm him after nightmares, and help him sleep, but also by the mysterious man who runs it.

Comparative Literature is for Idiots - lookupkate

Explicit. 8,173 words. 4 chapters.

Sherlock thinks he's very bohemian, smoking cigarettes and wearing patchouli oil and writing poetry in the attic. In truth he's just your average seventeen year old, not showering enough and being hit particularly hard by his continued path through puberty.

John is getting his masters in literature. He's the TA for comparative literature and yearns for romance. Romance has other plans, plans that require him to go without for at least ten more years. Plans that put in front of him the exact man he'll finally fall in love with, but in boy form.

When Sherlock happens to see John reading poetry at a coffee shop he is immediately smitten. John holds him at arm's length because he's a bloody child.

How will ten years and miles apart change that view, and will John be able to understand how he's fallen in love with someone he doesn't ever get to see?

Stay tuned for puberty hi jinx and the passing of time to find out. And yes, there will be love.

An Everlasting Inferno - thatawkwardfriend

Explicit. 108,389 words. 15 chapters.

Sherlock and John are both men who operate outside the law. John works for Mary and her hitmen in order to keep a roof over his head. Sherlock does anything his drug dealer asks of him in exchange for free drugs and housing.

They meet one night in a darkened garage to negotiate a deal. But they soon find out that neither of their bosses are being entirely honest with them about their goals or motives. With a little poking around, they stumble upon something much bigger than themselves and discover that perhaps, it might be in their best interests to work together.

(Loosely inspired by StartUp and Little Favour)

Only To Be With You - @sincewhendoyoucallme-john

Mature. 40,768 words. 4 chapters.

I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black.

I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

You Give Me Fever - michi_thekiller

Explicit. 16,122 words. One-shot.

Thou givest fever when we kisseth, fever with thy flaming youth Fever I'm afire; fever, yea, I burn forsooth "He's the kind of boy you want to take apart."

Gratuitous Greaserlock. It's essentially 16k of mostly-porn. Warnings for underage sex between teens.

If you’re one of the authors listed here and have a Tumblr, and would like me to link it (if I haven’t already), please let me know! 

[yinseal]

oKAY  SO         i’ve  wanted  to  make  this  post  for  a  while  about  sakura’s  cultural  heritage  in  her  fma  verse,  because  while  it’s  always  been  kind  of  evident  to  me,  it  plays  a  fairly  significant  role  in  her  growth  and  view  of  amestris  as  a  whole.  i’ve  also  wanted  to  handle  this  topic  with  particular  care,  since  sakura,  as  stated  in  her  own  canon  and  on  this  blog,  is  ethnically  and  culturally  japanese.  in  modern  verses,  sakura  is  always  explicitly  japanese;  in  fma,  which  doesn’t  necessarily  have  the  same  real  world  counterparts,  a  little  tinkering  on  my  end  is  necessary.  under  the  cut  for  length.

i  headcanon  that  sakura’s  family  is  partly  xingese;  she  is  herself  either  second  or  third  generation.  fma  lore  states  that  there  used  to  be  a  trade  route  between  xing  and  amestris,  which  ended  with  amestris  becoming  a  more  isolated  nation         going  off  that  lore,  it’s  possible  that  there  were  some  xingese  people  visiting  amestris  prior  to  the  end  of  the  alliance.

obviously,  father  kept  amestris  strictly  secluded  to  ensure  his  plan  would  come  to  fruition,  and  to  keep  van  hohenheim  at  bay,  but  given  the  ease  at  which  both  ling  and  mei  managed  to  sneak  in,  i  don’t  suppose  it’s  out  of  the  realm  of  possibility  that  others  have  made  the  trip.  i  don’t  think  there  are  many,  considering  the  dangers  of  the  trip  itself,  but  it’s  not  impossible.  the  biggest  threat  to  any  non-amestrian,  however,  is  the  hostility  to  outsiders:  in  creating  pockets  of  bloodshed  for  the  nation-wide  transmutation  circle,  father  explicitly  encourages  racial  and  ethnic  prejudice  to  spring  up.  the  ishvalans  are  all  but  exterminated  by  the  time  fma  begins,  and  looking  through  the  demographics  of  the  show,  there  are  very  few  to  no  people  of  colour  in  amestris  proper.  

i’ve  mentioned  in  prior  headcanons  and  sakura’s  full  fma  breakdown  that  her  parents  reside  in  central  city,  and  that  they  were  not  the  type  to  rock  the  boat.  obviously  that  works  with  citizens  in  a  military  dictatorship,  but  taking  into  consideration  that  sakura’s  family  is  even  in  part  “non  amestrian,”  it  stands  to  reason  that  sakura  has  largely  downplayed  her  heritage  since  childhood.  her  eye  colour  and  general  colouring  can  be  mistaken  for  amestrian  at  first  glance,  which  probably  helps  her  keep  a  low  profile  during  childhood  and  med  school;  any  discussion  of  their  heritage  was  otherwise  kept  strictly  behind  closed  doors.

important  to  note  is  that  sakura’s  childhood  is  aligned  with  the  ishvalan  genocide,  which  sees  her  neighbors,  classmates,  and  friends  removed  from  amestris.  this  tragedy  reinforces  sakura’s  caution  that  it  is  not  safe  to  be  anything  but  amestrian  within  its  walls,  and  she  describes  herself  as  amestrian  to  anyone  who  asks.  

this  distinction  plays  a  part  in  how  sakura  feels  like  an  “other”  in  amestris:  by  refusing  to  conform  to  traditional  gender  roles  or  expectations,  by  her  hatred  of  the  military,  and  by  her  ethnicity.  while  she  would  describe  herself  as  amestrian  even  in  adulthood,  sakura  is  aware  that  she  is  “different”  from  the  average  amestrian,  and  that  difference  is  a  source  of  curiousity  at  best,  and  outright  danger  at  worst.  she  downplays  her  heritage  automatically  as  a  natural  protection,  and  doesn’t  really  put  too  much  thought  into  it  until  the  homunculi  are  defeated,  and  a  new  führer  takes  leadership.  even  then,  it’s  not  a  predominant  concern  until  she  and  greed  have  children;  since  greed  is  in  essentially  a  copy  of  ling’s  body,  he  is  by  default  a  fully  xingese  man,  and  ava  and  tim  are  xingese.  sakura  begins  to  take  a  far  more  proactive  role  in  her  heritage  after  the  kids  are  born,  partly  to  rediscover  herself,  and  partly  to  have  that  bonding  experience.

that  being  said,  sakura  does  take  note  of  her  heritage  prior.  one  of  the  reasons  she  incorporates  alkahestry  into  her  medicine  is  because  it  originates  from  xing;  she  also  learns  some  basic  xingese  as  a  child,  although  she  stops  practicing  after  her  mother  dies.  some  xingese  symbols  are  used  in  her  alchemy  notes,  and  she’s  quick  to  pick  up  on  chi  sensing,  knowing  that  it  is  an  inherent  practice  of  many  xingese.  

in  short,  sakura’s  experience  as  a  xingese  woman  who  can,  faintly,  pass  for  amestrian,  contributes  to  her  drive  in  helping  and  protecting  others;  knowing  the  dangers  presented  to  outsiders,  sakura  works  within  the  privileges  she  has  or  acquired  to  ease  the  burden  on  others. 

[im-not-shouting-im-projecting]

Some Seamster!Quinn Cooper HCs

I didnt intend for this to be this long, but my seamstress heart was inspired. I got kind of carried away, and had to refocus, so I'm going to do another post soon with some advice and anecdotes for wrighting costumers.

For the last couple of months I have been absolutely Obsessed with @poindextears 's Crickets, her SMH post-Waffle Frog OCs, and I have had a lot of headcannons about Quinn Cooper: a theatre kid extrordanare and Hoh icon who talks like he's from 50s and is the boyfreind of Nando (Cricket dman) as we have quite a bit in common. All of Mel's fics are amazing, and I would highly recommend! Give them a read on tumblr or AO3

--

I know Mel has said that Quinn's favorite place is Joanne's, which is completely understandable for someone who doesn't live near actual textile markets... but Joanne's (and similar chain craft/fiberarts supply stores) suck.

Like first of all, on a monetary level... I'm going to start with the assumption that high school Quinn didn't have a large project budget (reasoning: 1. his family is already tight with money, 2. I can't imagine his not-particularly-supportive guardians gave him lots of spending money (esp with theatre fees and materials) 3. I can't imagine he brought in tons of money on the side with a theatre schedule + grades good enough to go to med school + time with his old lady freind + time for sewing)

With that being said: Fabric is expensive. Way more expensive than people expect. Especially if you don't have expensive machinery (like overlock machines) that make cheap synthetic fabrics usable. Also I like to imagine Quinn is in the "fabrics made of plastic are itchy and bad for the enviornment" club like me.

All that is to say: Joanne's is absolutely the worst place that isn't actively upscale to buy fabric (or materials) on a budget.

- The shop's target demographic is stay-at-home white suburban moms who have the time to clip coupons, buy materials on a "when it's on sale" basis as opposed to a "my sister didn't notice the four seperate places I marked my shears 'fabric only' so now I physically cannot continue this project without buying new extra-sharp fabric scissors'" basis, and importantly: can stop by the store every day for a month because discounted items change on a day to day basis, all of which is not particularly conducive to someone a high school kids on a budget.

- Even with all the discounts in existance, the fabrics there are still super expensive and especially for the often lackluster quality (like... they are fine but if I'm paying literally $40/y for enough faux fur to make a big enough "mane" to cover the gap between the cowardly lion's padding and the actor's neck, we shouldnt have to sweep the fur bits off the stage at intermission)

- Additionally if you need a lot of fabric, say enough 7ft squares of heavy mustard yellow fabric for 30 lioness cape/pants? You might just need to run 4 seperate Joanne's out of two different fabrics that were close enough to each other to work

If you are putting in the time and effort to make something complicated,

- Also, and this is probably the most obvious: there just aren't that many options. If you want anything other than a cotton or fleece, than you better hope the single shade they have in the right color works

So I have established: Joanne's = Bad

So how does Quinn factor into all this?

Well first of all I would like to imagine that at some point Quinn helped out in SMH costuming, where they teach him the magic of using something that already exists. Samwell being as liberal as it is, I would like to think that the costuming people are aware of how awful the current state of fabric waste is, and, how his sewing skills are so much better used altering things at thrift shops beginning his journey twords my completeley basess headcannon that he one day adopts some vintage looks

While I think he would be down to adopt some of these practices in his costuming (a la my personal anectode below), I have a feeling that Quinn is one of those people who just likes to make things from scratch. (reasoning: 1 his general personality, but far more importantly, 2 THIS BOY WANTED TO MAKE EVAN HANSEN'S POLO BY HAND, WHY??? WHAT IS THE PURPOSE??? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME THAT TAKES???????? YOU ARE WILLING TO SPEND UPWORDS OF TEN HOURS OF YOUR LIFE ON A MODERN STYLE SHIRT THATS GOING TO BE SEEN 4 TIMES???)

I get it, especially for historical reconstructions, there are people who genuinely love sewing by hand, I love Bernadette Banner as much as the next seamstress, but I honestly don't know how they do it.

I like to think that Quinn would be wandering around some thrift store and out of the corner of his eye notice some curtains and have a vision of frolicking through a meadow like Julie Andrews in cloths made out of a curtain... metaphorically. But he def gets "Do a Dear" stuck in his head every time he wears it

Of course the SMH Costuming crew introduce him to some better places to at least get draping and mock up fabrics, but I think they would also introduce him to an actual fabric store.

Samwell is close enough to Boston that I'm sure there's an actual fabric warehouse within driving distance, so when Quinn can't find a suitable material at his beloved Joanne's, and is understandably skeptical about ordering fabric online, Ford is just like dude, go to the fabric warehouse, so he gives it a try.

Ok his fist thought when he gets there is omg everything is so big. Ok, that's his second thought, his first thought is ugh this smells like the SMH locker room, bc a giant block of concrete with no internal climate control in the New England humidity stuffed to the brim with moisture-holding fabric is def gonna make some kind of funk.

But after that like...

Ok, on the left is your average Joanne's while on the right is your average fabric warehouse

I can totally imagine him physically getting lost. He is tiny, and those places are total mazes, absolutely ginormus, they are all stacked literally 8 feet tall, and all the rows look the same.

Fabric in warehouses is stored for maximum capacity as opposed to places like Joanne's where it is purposely stored in ways that display the whole selection at once. Additionally, while hobbyist bolts face out as much as possible so you can see it at a glance, professional grade bolts face in for protection

...If it's on the shelves at all, the hallmark of a textile warehouse is just dozens of bolts leaning haphazardly in precarious places

This tiny boy is just absolutely surrounded by rows upon rows of fabric, stored in ways that are absolutely not conducive to being looked at easily, and is incredibly frusturated bc Aggghhh I can't look at any of this without moving all of it around, and I can't reach any of it!!!

BUT!

Guess what he has?

Nando to the rescue!

Quinn's big strong dman boyfriend is more than willing to move around and carry the bolts for him and when need be he'll just straight up plop Quinn on his shoulders so he can see the stuff at the top :)

Ok, that's the gist of what I had to say, some other little seamster!Quinn hcs:

his old lady friend taught him the absolute basics, and his wedding gift from her is her 70 year old sewing machine that he first learned to sew on and he treasures that thing FOREVER

bc of his apparent love of hand sewing he is one of those people that swears by genuine leather thimbles, idk why it just feels like him

whenever people compliment his outfit he is just casually like "Oh thanks, I made it" (bc non sewers are always astounded by that and we get to gloat) because I said so

he makes Nando cute crop tops

[introvertllux]

Peace in Normalcy: Chapter One

(The chapter is told from Prue’s point of view. Anytime, that you see italicized words, that means Prue is speaking via her internal monologue). 

Genre: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Comedy-Drama

Warnings: 18+, depictions of mental health, mental disorders, depression, suicide, and sexual abuse. (Please do not read, if you may be triggered).

*Any depictions of mental health are based on MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES. Please do not think I’m making fun or or mocking anyone, again these experiences are based on what I have seen and, or been through myself. Also, I am not intending to romanticize mental health or disorders in anyway. Lastly, If you do decided to read this story I am very thankful and I hope you enjoy it. : )

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Prue's P.O.V

(Picture of Prue)

Friday, September 27, 2019

Isn’t funny how in an instant- and with a snap of your fingers your life can turn completely upside-down. I mean really think about it. One day you’re just doing your average daily routine, completely minding your own business. Then next thing you know, something happens- and incident. Imagine that said incident happens at your job of all places and you end up in a place like this. Who would’ve known, huh? Who would’ve known that one incident, no one mistake could make you end up in the nuthouse? Not, me.

"Prue! Time to go!" I heard a voice yell in the distance from behind me. I ignored the voice as I laid down on the grassy field of the psychiatric hospital’s courtyard.

(Psychiatric Hospital Courtyard)

I kind of like it out here. It brings me peace. I can breathe some fresh air and get away from it all. The meds, the therapist, and the patients. Being out here was as close to freedom as I was going to get for a while. But, to tell you the truth I’ve grown to like this place, the institution as a whole wasn’t so bad, when I really think about. The meds keep me stable, I guess. The therapist actually treats me like a normal human being, and I can relate to the other patients. This place was sort of like a sanctuary for me. For the first time in a long time I feel like I belong. For the first time in my life I actually feel like I fit in. I think I’ve made up my mind. Yeah… I’ve definitely did. I’m never leaving. Never.

The shouting of my name continued as heavy footsteps began to approach me. I sighed softly.

I must have visitors. Well, more like a visitor, most likely my sister, Mallory. She was the only one that has visited me during this whole ordeal.

The footsteps came to a halt as the figure hovered over me,  blocking my view of the sun. I wasn't surprised to see a male orderly; they always came to pick up people either for medicine or a visitor.

"You have a visitor. Come on." He said.

I stood up and brushed the tiny pieces of grass off of my pants and followed the male orderly back inside. As I walked, I couldn't help wondering why my sister was visiting me. She normally would visit me every two months on a Saturday. But she visited three weeks ago and today is Friday.

After walking for a couple minutes, I noticed the route we were taking would lead us back to my room. Usually, visitors we not permitted to go to a patient's room unless-

I heard a loud squeal followed by "Prue! Surprise!". I walked around the orderly and stared into my wide-open door. To my slight surprise was my sister, Mallory quickly packing two large black suitcases.

(Picture of Mallory)

Yeah, just as I suspected. She was here to pick me up early. But why?

I stepped into the room as the orderly shut the door behind him. I stared at my sister as she continued to pack my things.

"Um?" I questioned quietly with a slightly raised brow.

"I know. I know what you're thinking. I'm back. Again. But this time I'm back for you. I was able to work something out with the courts. I’ve been going back and forth with them for months. They said they would monitor you and if you showcased good behavior and improvement within your counseling sessions, they would let you out early. Don’t you want to come home?” She said as she continued to pack my things.

I was ordered on a plea deal to stay here for a year, but it's only been nine months. And, I don’t know do I want to go home? Wasn’t I just fine with staying her the rest of my natural born life, just a few minutes ago?

Mallory cleared her throat and spoke after a few moments of silence, "Uh, I guess you would probably want to pack your own things, huh?" She chuckled softly after she paused her actions.  "I'm sorry, I just got a little excited you know, my little sister is finally coming home!" She shouted and giggled.

I moved around her and started to finishing packing what was left of my clothes. "You know, I bet you're really excited to get away from all of this." she said waving her hands around the room. "To finally get back to some normalcy." She said.

I paused and flinched slightly at the word normalcy.

Normalcy? Back to normal?

I began to zone out, getting into my own head.

"I'm sorry, did I-did I say something wrong?" She asked as she began to panic.

"No. No, you didn't it's fine." I said a bit dazed. I quickly snapped out of it and continued to hurriedly pack my last article of clothing.

"Are you sure? I- "She said worriedly.

"I said you're fine Mallory. It's fine. I'm fine. We're good." I said as I slammed the top of my suitcase down and zipped it up quickly.

She nodded her head slightly. "Well, if you're all set to go, let’s get going." Mallory said as she grabbed one suitcase and I grabbed the other.

As we exited the room and I looked back slightly at the room I called mine for the last nine months. I then turned my body forward and walked down the hallway, following slowly behind my sister. I look my time walking so that I could get one last look at all the décor and rooms that I sent the last months several months in doing arts and crafts, eating lunch, playing with board games, yoga, participating in group therapy, and individual therapy. As strange as my sister may think this place it, this was my normalcy for nine months and I was about to be pulled from it before I was ready.

A few moments had past and we made to her car.  It was a 2019 Volkswagen Beetle. Was it cute. Sure. Practical? Absolutely not. This care had to be one of the tiniest cars to ever exist. There’s barely enough room to fit both of these suitcases. As my sister thought about this “dilemma”, I gently tugged on the passenger, signaling her to unlock it. Seconds later I heard the sound of the car door unlocking followed by two high-pitched beeps. I then proceed to move the car seat forward, I figured I didn’t need that much space considering I was on 5’2. I then eased the large suitcase into the backseat. As soon as I finished, I looked behind me see that Mallory had managed to squeeze the other suitcase into the tiny trunk.

(Mallory’s car)

I then went to sit down in the passenger's seat. I began to position myself to accommodate to the lack of space. Once I got comfortable, I buckled my seatbelt. and buckled up. Mallory then opened the driver's side got in, buckled up and started the drive home.

As we began the journey back home, I contemplated whether or not to look out the window. To be honest looking reminding me of the path I took to get here in the first place. I didn’t want to think about it. I just didn’t want to think at all. I just wanted to shut down for a minute or two. I decided that trying sleep will help me just disappear for a few hours.

I as I began to drift off, Mallory began to play some music. Which I was glad for. For some reason, music has always helped me sleep and get through just about anything ever since I was little.

I woke up to the sound of tapping. I squinted out the car window to see Mallory rapidly tapping on the window. I groaned as I slowly unbuckled my seatbelt and sluggishly began to make my way out of the car.

"We're home! Well, my house. It looks different since the last time you’ve seen it!” She said excitedly. I just blinked slowly trying to process everything that was happening.

“I thought you'd be more comfortable at my house before you go to mom and dad's house. Don't worry about your stuff we can get it later." She said.

She locked the car door and began to shuffle through her key rings to get the key to the front door. The house looked very different from the outside. It had a more modern look, which I wasn't surprised at Mallory is an interior decorator after all and she happens to be very good at her job.

(Mallory and Jahmal’s house)

"Welcome to Casa la Jones." She said dramatically as she flicked the house lights on.

Yeah, remember when I said she happens to be very good at her job? Yeah well, I meant to add she can sometimes be a little too good at her job. It was like Kim Kardashian meets the middle of Massachusetts.

"So, what do you think. It's nice, right?" She said grinning brightly.

"Uh, yeah. It's very nice." I said feeling slightly overwhelmed by grandiose it was.

I looked around the house and noticed that it was quiet, too quiet. Where was Jamal?

I rubbed my tired eyes and yawned as I ask, "So, where is Jamal?"

"Oh, Jamal I told him to go hang out with Leslie and David. You remember them, right? Two of our old friends from college." She said quickly. "I wanted us to have a sister night." She added she walked toward the kitchen.

I followed her into the kitchen and took a seat at one of the barstools.

(Mallory and Jahmal’s kitchen)

"Leslie and David?" I asked as I eyed her. She laughed lightly, "You probably don't remember them, huh?"

No kidding we're ten years apart. If you meet them in college, then that means I was definitely learning how to multiply fractions in the fifth grade.

“You were only like what, nine when I brought them home with me during spring break. But yeah, they became really good friends of ours towards the end of college. Then you know, you eventually went away to college, so you guys never really got to know each other." She said quickly again.

"Anyway, I made your favorite. Chicken Parm." She said as she walked towards the refrigerator.

Chicken Parmesan?! I hate chicken parmesan (and it's actually her favorite). The tomato sauce always gives me extremely bad acid-reflex. My favorite meal is Chicken Alfredo, but I will still eat her meal because she thought about me, sort of.

After Mallory placed our food in the microwave, she leaned over the kitchen island.

"So, I know you normally sleep in the basement when you stay but... it's being occupied at the moment. But good news you can have the guess room. I remolded it as well. You remember where it is right?"

I didn't even bother to question who or what was taking over the basement. I just nodded my head. As we continued to wait, for our food to warm up Mallory began to hum. I began to analyze the new interior of the kitchen. I started to get anxiety looking at all the changes that not only happened to her house but even the growth between her and her friends that came to know as just the people who “needed somewhere to crash for spring break. And now the basement, the room I always stayed in is now preoccupied. When did everything change? I was only gone for nine months; how can things change this much!?

"Prue? Prue? Hello? Are you okay? Speak to me." Mallory said as she made way over to me and grabbed my shoulders.

"I'm fine. I just- I just was thinking about something." I said trying to end the conversation.

Mallory nodded her head and turned her attention to the microwave as it beeped loudly. Mallory began to plate the food and grab glasses. She poured herself some wine.

"So, I only have white wine right now but-." I cut her off and spoke with a tight face, trying to contain myself. "Mallory. I don't drink remember. Frist off, I hate alcohol. Plus, the medication. I'm on medication remember." I said through slightly gritted teeth.

She placed the bottle down on the countertop. "You're right. How could I, forget. I'll get you some, uh water." She said as she turned on the faucet and filled the glass halfway.

Mallory then grabbed the two plates carefully and placed one in front of me and the other at the head of the island. She then went back and grabbed the drinks.

After a few moments of eating, Mallory cleared her throat. "So, Prue. Before you go to mom and dad's house, I just wanted to talk to you about somethings." I ignored her as I continued to pick at my food, trying to avoid as much tomato sauce as possible.

"You know, now that you’re home there's some rules that you have to follow. It was a deal we made in order for the courts to agree to let you out early." She said softly.

I slammed my hands down on the countertop. "Can we not talk about this right now! "I yelled.

"Prue." She said gently trying to rapidly diffuse the situation.

"No, don't Prue me. Nine months! I haven't been home in nine months and all you want to do is remind me that something is wrong with me! Why can't I just come back, eat some food and sleep in a nice warm bed!" I yelled as tears began to form in my eyes.

Mallory looked at me sympathetically. "I-I'm not reminding you or even saying- "She started to say before I interrupted her.

"But you are. The face-expression you're making is the same one you had the day I got sent away, and the same one mom and dad had on too. And you know what, it's the same one they will have on tomorrow. That's exactly why I don't want to go there tomorrow!" I said as I got up from the barstool.

"Prue. Please." Mallory said with her hands up in surrender. "Oh my God!” I screamed as I backed away and spread my arms out wide. “You see! You see! You're still making that face and now- now you have your hands up. Like you’re scared. You think I'm going to do something don't you, that I might try and hurt you! You're calling me crazy and you don't even have to say it!" I yelled as tears began to stream down my face rapidly.

"Prue, I never said you were crazy. I just. I'm just trying to help. If you don't follow these rules, then you have to go back." She said still standing defensively.

I let out an agonizing scream. "Good, great! Then I'll be back where I belong with the crazy people, right?” I said as I gripped the sides of my face tightly.

I then took quickly grabbed my plate of Chicken Parmesan and smashed it onto the floor, "And I hate Chicken Parmesan, it gives me acid-reflex. You should fucking know that by now!" I exhaustedly screamed one last time as I ran up the stairs and slammed the guest room door.

Hours had past and the house remained quiet. The sun had gone down and it was so dark out that the sky had looked pitch black. I looked over at the digital clock in the room and saw the time. The clock read 12:32 AM. I tried to go back to sleep. Normally, it was never easy for me to fall asleep sue to me feeling anxious all the time, but right now the nausea I was feeling due to my acid-reflex acting up only aided in my lack of sleep.

I let out a groan as I held my stomach tightly. I squeezed my eyes shut hoping that the pain would go away or subside in at least the slightest way. Unfortunately, nothing was working. The only other possible solution I could think of was to take a walk. Usually, I take walks to get my mind off of things if music wasn’t an option or if I just needed some fresh air. Before I went to the hospital, I would walk around with my music and let it guide me. But, since that's not an option I guess I will let my feet be my guide this time.

I got up from the soft bed and tied my sneakers. I grabbed my jacket and slipped it around the pink pajamas my sister had left out for me. I stood up too quickly and fell back down. I felt a wave of nausea hit me. I took a deep breath and tried again, this time getting up carefully and slowly.

I walked quietly out of the room closing the door gently. I slowly crept down the hallway and down the staircase. I then slipped passed the kitchen and exited out of the front door careful not to slam the door too hard. I wasn't too worried about the door, since I knew it had an instant lock.

I began walking down the cul-de-sac styled neighborhood. I gripped the sides of my jacket as the cold air made me shiver slightly. I kept stopping to take deep breaths to try and stop my waves nausea that came every couple of minutes. I kept walking for a few minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I felt too sick. I need to sit down.

I looked around me to see if I could spot somewhere to sit. I decided to sit on the curb in front of a random house. I felt dizzy and my head began to pound. Before I knew it, I had vomited.

"Fuck!" I yelled as some landed on my pajama shirt and jacket. I quickly covered my mouth as I notice my voiced had echoed. I looked around to see if anyone in the neighborhood had heard me. I closed my eyes and sighed in relief as I saw no sign of active neighbors.

"Hello? Whose out there?1" I heard a voice yell.

Damn It.

I began to panic as I saw a house light flick on. I then heard the sound of curtains aggressively sliding open. I still stood there, like a deer in headlights.

"I'm calling the cops!" The older male voice threatened.

I began to run as quickly as I could down the street as I saw more house lights begin to turn on. I started to feel dizzy again and my head was pounding even more. There was nowhere to hide so I decided to sit beside a small shrub on the sidewalk.

What felt like 15 minutes had gone by and I thought for sure I was off the hook until I then heard police sirens in the distance getting closer and closer by the second. I groaned, placing my head in my hands.

The sirens came to a stop. I heard footsteps approach me and the sound of a very familiar voice.

"I've gotten calls from all over the neighborhood, something about a nutcase screaming throughout the neighborhood and waking them up. That wouldn't happen to be you, would it?" The office asked smugly.

I just groaned in pain and annoyance. The officer walked closer to me.

"So, now you've got nothing to say, huh? Typical." He asked as he waved a flashlight on me. I groaned again, not wanting to look up at him.

"Look at me." He said sternly. I dreaded this moment.

I lifted my head up and placed my left arm in front of my face to try and block the bright light radiating from the flashlight,

I then heard laughter, followed by "Oh! Oh! You’re kidding!  This must be my lucky day! Prue? Prue- Prudence Walker. Is that really you?  They said you were getting out today but never did I think, I'd find you roaming the streets. Less than 12 hours back and you're already losing your shit again, huh?" He said laughing.

“Can’t say I’m surprised.” He said waving the flashlight around.

I groaned again as I began to wrap my arms around my waist, hunching over slightly. "J-just take me back to my sisters' Taylor.

(Picture of Officer Taylor Miller)

"That's Office Miller to you. And why should I? I could just arrest you and have you shipped right back to that psych-ward." He said smirking.

I didn't say anything to him. I just gave him a pleading looking, hoping that he would find some kindness in his black heart to just take me back to my sister's house.

He laughed again and grabbed my arm roughly, he pushed me into the back of the police cruiser and proceeded to drive off. Fifteen minutes had gone by and we arrived in front of my sisters' house. He opened the door and I walked out quickly trying to move past him.

"Not a chance." he said as he gripped my right arm tightly. He dragged me to the front door of the house and immediately proceed to bang loudly on it.

We waited a few seconds, before the door opened widely.

"Prue!" Mallory yelled exasperatedly as her eyes grew wide instantly.

"I found her just roaming the streets. The neighbors called. You've gotten keep an eye on her. I can let her off with a warning this time." He said fakely, pretending to care as he let go of my arm.

"Get inside, please." She said exhaustedly.

As I walked inside, I heard Mallory say, "Thanks Tay, I swear it won't happen again. I owe you one."

I door then slammed shut.

"I-I just can't right now. We will talk in the morning." She said, in a very and disappointed and exhausted tone.

I went straight upstairs and tried to get some sleep trying to avoid thinking about the many conversations that awaited me tomorrow.

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Links to:

Chapter 2

Masterpost

[myupostsheadcanons]

I know you @highwayham asked about DBD headcanons on another blog... I’ll get to that soon.... I was working on this one for you the past week....  So I am quite ahead of the game.

My personal headcanons for all the DBD killers.

(gets a bit fanfic-ish in places, but damn my fan fic writers soul. (i haven’t done the final proofing, but go me) )....

  The Doctor

The Anti-Freddy.

Herman’s madness and electro-shocks automatically wake people up/take people out of Freddy’s dream realm.

It is nearly physically impossible for him to go to sleep.

Water is his weakness. Submerging him in enough water would burn out his own powers. It will put him in a coma if he is fully charged when submerged.

Herman didn’t think Freddy was real for the longest time. He thought Freddy was some made up joke the others were pulling on him. Or some Invisible Man that the others were putting too much stock in.

When he isn’t driving through crazy town, he’s generally snobby, rude, haughty, and uptight. He has this air of acting “better than you” that drives most of the other killers bonkers.

OCD... the only killer that manages to keep his whites mostly clean on a trial.

Herman and Myers especially don’t get along. His madness powers would make The Shape’s voice in Myers head louder and angrier. And The Doctor being a Psychiatrist rather than a Medical doctor didn’t help either.

Herman and Evan often fight over who’s in charge. Evan is loud and violent, and easy to ignore. The Doctor is more demanding and a perfectionist, on top of being sadistic, so more people still side with Evan.

The Nurse

Sally doesn’t like that her “role” among the group is being the nanny.

The Trapper will call her “The Nanny” instead of “The Nurse” (she makes sure to give him extra scares by casually hiding behind corners on him)

In fact, The Trapper is perhaps her most frequent patient.... for stepping in his own bear traps.

The Nurse and The Doctor kind of get along. She was so use to having to deal with asshole men doctors while she was alive... what’s one more now that she’s dead?

Her, The Doctor, The Hag, and The Clown handle most of the medical needs among the group. (The Hag knows Apothecary, The Clown has some understanding in that field as well and helps the two women make any meds. The Doctor has enough knowledge through his experiments on humans and medical school to help, but isn’t as skilled/knowledgeable as The Nurse)

The Spirit

Rin didn’t understand English when she first arrived. Julie (The Legion) knew some Japanese because of being a massive weeb, and tried to help translate pieces of what was being said to the others. (often just fucked up on the translation completely.. basically think Lopez from RVB. or Peggy Hill levels of bad)

Rin is polarizing. One moment she is calm, collective, and interested in being around people... the next she’s screaming at everybody, even those that did nothing, and would even attack other killers.

The Spirit often hangs around The Nurse, neither talking to one another. If she’s not creeping on other people in the group.

Work is too much.... work.... When it comes to doing chores or requests, she would suddenly vanish or be last in line.

Rin tends to creep on Myers the most. She likes that Myers doesn’t talk, or give a shit... and she saw him without his mask a few times.... so...  long siiigh.... (he’s just confused by her)

She fucking hates Freddy... He grabbed her inappropriately only once and she kicked his ass... he’s been leaving her alone now.

She doesn’t like The Doctor either. Outside of being pushy and treats her like a pest: his powers make her even more unstable and volatile.

The Wraith

Unless the killer is a colossal Asshat, he’ll get along with them. (Basically, The Doctor, Freddy, The Legion, and The Spirit are among his “doesn’t get along with” list)

He’s been around The Trapper the longest out of the killers so he’s use to Evan’s brand of Asshattery.

Him and Amanda tend to casually hang around with each other the most. He knows where the best stuff in the scrap yard is and they have similar interests in tinkering. (mlm and wlw solidarity)

Bubba, Max, and Evan come to Phil and Amanda whenever their equipment needs to be fixed.

Phil also likes to spend time with The Hag. He talks to her about the magic he learned from his homeland and helps her gather herbs.

He really just wants to be useful.

The Hag

Lisa knows the most about herbs and plants. Which ones are safe to eat, or what effects they cause when ingested. The Clown likes to get her advice when making new potions.

The Hag, The Huntress, Bubba and The Hillbilly are in charge of the Homestead end of things. (Farming and Cultivating... growing food, animal husbandry and butchering... Actual cooking the meals is on rotate among all the killers (at least those that at minimum know how to boil water)).

Lisa knows Rune Crafting, and recognizes that Myers has a spell/curse placed on him. She doesn’t tell any of the other killers she knows this.

Her Teleport spell can pull Freddy out of the dreamworld... if she has hold of him when she activates it. She almost did it twice, but he managed to break her grip and is staying away from her now.

The Nurse, being a super natural creature, is more accepting of The Hag’s witchcraft, apothecary, and homeopathy than The Doctor is.

The Hag and The Doctor get in frequent arguments based on their different world views.

The Trapper

The “Bad Boss” of the group.

Is an ass to anybody that doesn’t do what he wants.  (One part, Biff Tannon, One Part Al Bundy)

The other killers often forget that he is book-smart (came from a rich family, actually went to collage) because of how big of a douche bag he acts.

Evan relies too much on the few people that know what they are doing to do everything (The Nurse, especially)

Evan’s orders are easier to shirk/get around, because they are often bad orders that make no sense. It also doesn’t take much to “suck up” to him and get him to forget about something they’ve did wrong. Which is mainly why people side with him over The Doctor. 

His “cronies” are The Hillbilly and The Clown, and (with some arm twisting) The Wraith and Bubba.

He’s mainly buddy-buddy with The Clown because Kenny makes the best fucking bathtub gen in the realm.

He becomes a CHAD-DORK around Amanda (She knows this, is not interested in him, but gets him to do whatever she wants).

He is very particular when it comes to self-grooming. When he is not “working” / killing he likes to keep himself clean. He showers twice a day, and spends a lot of time shaving... to the point he’s practically bald all over his body.

He uses a straight razor to shave, a very sharp one.

He gets annoyed when the other killers don’t groom themselves on a regular basis. He understands it is dirty work, but there is a time and place to be dirty. (zombies and undead not withstanding, being dead/rotting can’t be helped).

The Huntress

She’s the most “efficient” of the non-magical killers.... all aside from:

Her near-constant singing and talking would annoy some of the Killers (who believe silence was the key), until they saw her sling a hatchet and down a survivor. 

She has no personal-space bubble. Will kiss people on the cheek/mouth in greeting (if they don’t flinch/push away from her)... it surprises most of the others that first time because it isn’t a common practice in America, where most of the killers are from, nor in modern society outside of one’s actual family.

Doesn’t shave.  She thought it was an odd grooming custom when she was watching Amanda shaving her legs and armpits in the bath. Men only shave/trim their beards cleanliness. She sees no reason for a woman to shave.

Anna goes out of the way to talk to the “outliers” of the Killer Group. (The Spirit, Myers, The Legion, and Bubba). Even if it is just to say “Hello.” and get no response in return.

Anna has child-like interests. Likes to talk about fairy tales and folk legends. Collects odd knickknacks (buttons, paper clips, caps off pens, pieces of ribbon, beads, rocks...). Play dress up with other Killer’s clothes (try on their masks and play with their weapons). She jumps in mud puddles and catches bugs/small animals with her bare hands to show others.

She first caught Bubba and Myers attention by showing them a frog she caught and pulled its legs off in front of them (Bubba then ate the frog). Myers was just...enthralled...  he was going to kill the frog if she handed it to him and she just did it.

From then on Bubba liked to join her on any weird quests she would have (like as if he was her little big-brother). The Wraith would follow to make sure they aren’t getting into trouble.

The Huntress got pretty good at guessing what Bubba is saying. It helped that when she first came here she didn’t know English and had to often pantomime what she wanted to the others as well.

She wants to be a helper, but her brand of help tends to lean towards “s-mothering”....

The Hag, The Clown, The Wraith, The Nurse, The Pig, and The Doctor are the ones she actually treats like her elders....

The Trapper and The Hillbilly are on “peer” level with her. Myers was... until she realized he was a walking disaster, and actually knew the least out of the whole group.

So... The Legion, Myers, Bubba.... she latched onto them as her special “projects”

(The Spirit and Freddy are in the “no” zone)

The Hillbilly

Is a slow talker and mumbler, but not dumb (actually he’s rather average, just uneducated. he believes he is stupid because he was told he was his whole life)

He can’t hear out of one ear because of his deformities and the loud chainsaw. People often have to repeat things because of that.

Max could be found either at The Trapper’s side, or at the homestead in the barn with the goats and pigs (he feels safe in there)

He makes Amanda new pig masks when ever they get old or damaged.

The Hag watches his back, making sure the others don’t treat him poorly. 

Max and Bubba do get along, even though it is difficult for Max to understand what Bubba wants.

The Legion tend to antagonize him and Bubba at the same time with their trivial prattling about Max being a “rip off”.

The Clown

Is the actual “boss” of the group, but doesn’t claim to be. Even though he knows damn well he is.

Kenny would hear what the Trapper wants done, and often tweak the orders to be more feasible when relaying them to the others.

Kenny’s big loud personality stood out. He was better at working a crowd than Herman and Evan.  

He can get the more “outlying” killers to listen to him.

He got where he was because he showed up rather late in the game. Nothing was getting done, there was little to no cohesion among the factions. Half the team barely listened to The Trapper, the other Half tended to do whatever the hell they wanted.

He managed to get The Legion to act less like little shits to the rest of the killers all the fucking time.

Myers would trail behind Kenny, or low-key stalk him. The Clown could never manage to pin him down to confront him about it. The others told him not to bother. After The Legion came, Susie eventually told him it was because Myers really liked clowns as a kid. Kenny began to think of Myers as a  “stray cat.”

The only killer that Freddy actually kind of likes and would take “requests” from. They both have a dark sense of humor and are practical jokers. The Clown’s potions also make people easier to put asleep. (Kenny just knows not to be a total dick to your “coworkers” or you’ll be spinning your wheels in the mud the whole time)

The Legion

For the longest time the four of them stuck together, not interacting with the other killers outside of being trolls or antagonists to them.

Frank and Julie were the “spokes persons” whenever they had to make “demands” to the other killers.

They did not to approach any of the killers alone.

The Spirit was the first of the killers to hang around with them as a “friend”. They were close to her age (of death) and as condescending as she was. They also helped her with her English.... kind of.

Myers and Freddy had tried to “pick them off”....

With Myers, they over stepped their boundaries when it came to his comfort zone and he wanted to get rid of them. He knocked Frank unconscious, broke Joey’s arm, and was about to moire Julia before Anna and Bubba were able to pull him away (Susie ran to get help).

Freddy did so for his own sadistic pleasure. After several days of sleep deprivation, and Susie needing to be waken from a coma:  The Doctor and The Nurse eventually stepped in to get Freddy to leave them alone.

The Huntress and The Clown took responsibility of The Legion after the attacks (Along with Myers, Bubba, and The Spirit... all those in need of “special attention” or those that are in the habit of isolating themselves (it is also why Kenny became “frenemies” with Freddy, to keep him from completely turning on the group))

The Legion’s love of Slasher Movies made them experts on Lore regarding Bubba, Myers, OG Freddy.... only up until the mid-90′s.... they never got to see the Halloween reboots: H20/Res, or even the RZ remakes, nor FvJ, Jason X or the Remakes of F13 and Elm Street. They think Amanda was another one of the “in house” killers like The Trapper, The Wraith, and The Nurse.

They never been in a Hot Topic. Because there wasn’t one where they lived.  Most of their gear was stolen from concerts, bikers, and sports supplies stores.

The Internet was barely functional in the 90′s... to hear Amanda talk about modern technology and smart phones in the 2010′s, it is moon speak to them. (it is moon speak to most of the killers)

The Plague

“Avoid like The Plague” became serious business.

She only speaks Ancient Mesopotamian. Refuses to lower herself to speak the tongue language of these barbarians.

Freddy’s the only one that can communicate with her due to conversations in the “mind/dream” realm being more mental-emotion based than literal-verbal language based.

She still treats him like he is a worm and a viper. Does not trust anything he tells her.

Prolong exposure to her presence will cause sickness and wounds to become infected more easily.

She was banned from being around their social/common spaces, and food and water sources by the other killers due to her infectious presence.

Spends most of her time at the killer camp encased in a tomb in isolation.

Bubba

Best cook (don’t question the mystery meat...)

Anna is like the cool sister he always wanted. She’s nice to him, looks after him, and can skin a whole dear in under 20min.

Bubba doesn’t like The Legion. They would tease him more than the others. It doesn’t take much for him to go into a tantrum, or run off and cry, so they saw an easy target. (They knew when the fucked up when Anna has to get involved.... we’re sorry team mom.)

The Nurse and The Spirit scare him. He gets the heebie-geebies every time they look at him. Freddy is the worst.

Amanda

Amanda has a crush on Anna, but Anna is so obvious.

She tried to be nice to The Legion when they first arrived, but they were too immature and antagonistic.

The Wraith’s cloaking is about the extent of “supernatural” she could handle. It took her a long time not to freak out over The Nurse and The Spirit still creeps her out. Freddy... lives up to his name as The Nightmare.

At least most of the killers are just big men... she could handle dealing with men.

She is aware that there is a rivalry over her between some of the men. Phil, she’s pretty sure he’s gay, even if he won’t say it... But Evan, Max, and Herman are always trying to do favors for her...  (she suspects it is because she’s the most ‘normal’ adult woman among the sausage party)

She stays clear of Myers out of principle. She watched the Halloween movies, knows what he is capable of and that reason rarely worked with him. If she had him in a proper trap-house, he’d be at her mercy, but roaming free like this? no.

Her and The Clown only sort of get along. He’s too loud and handzy, like an old drunk at a bar. She put his arm in a trap that he couldn’t break free of. He had it on for three days before he apologized to her.

Freddy

The best scout... rarely does it though.

Freddy was better at avoiding any chores around the compound than Rin and Myers... until The Legion let slip that Freddy was a gardener/grounds keeper in his past life...

He used his powers on all the killers, at least once, just to test their reactions or to see what was inside their minds. Those with traumatic pasts were easy to get to.

Those that couldn’t fight back he stayed on them longer.

Until they started grouping up against him.

The Nurse, The Spirit, and The Doctor became the “vanguard” against his meddling. They could either physically attack him in the dream world or cancel out his powers all together. (The Doctor could even pull people out of a coma)

He isn’t friends with any of the killers. The Clown is the closest, and that’ll be an associate/coworker at best.

Freddy knows what The Clown is doing, and his dislike of The Doctor and the incompetence of The Trapper made him more willing to follow along with Kenny setting himself up as a back-door boss.

Michael

Was the last of the killers to “crack” and come into the group (stalking and observing didn’t count)

Nobody knew what his name was until Amanda showed up. He was just “The Shape” to them. “Holy shit! That’s Michael Myers!” 

Nobody knew his Middle-Name until The Legion wouldn’t stop calling him “Audrey”

He ignores Evan and Herman, more so when they get into cockfights over leadership. They both tried to “appeal” to him at some point to join their side.

Within the first two nights of coming to the realm, he got into a fist-fight with Evan, they both ended up rather bloody and beaten out of it. They even managed to pull their masks off in the fight. At the end of it, Evan was all “You’re just some punk kid. You ain’t worth my time.” and left Myers to his isolation after that.

Herman showed up in the realm after Myers. He introduced himself, got nowhere with the questions, and began to preach at him about “dissociative disorders”.... things Myers heard far too much about from the doctors at Smiths Grove. But this doctor was dangerous, and he only had to be hit once by the doctors madness effect to realize not not to start a fight with him and to keep his distance if possible.

There was something about The Hag’s magic that sends him on edge. It makes the hairs prickle the back of his neck whenever she activates a teleport (he didn’t even have to hear or see it go off... he’d just know) . There was a lot of things about The Hag that The Shape part of his brain responds to, like they knew one another somehow....

When all the killers go on team missions, The Clown would be assigned to keep an eye on Michael (not necessarily to work as a team, but for buddy-system safety reasons). Kenny would often address him as “My Boy” instead of his name or “The Shape” ... Michael doesn’t mind it too much.

They first tried teaming The Spirit up with Myers, but he would refuse to work with her and she took every opportunity to shirk responsibilities (she basically reminded him too much of Judith)... so nothing got done.

Freddy once attempted to put Myers to sleep, it only put the “Michael” part to sleep, but The Shape fully took over and went into berserker mode. (The Trapper, The Hillbilly, The Doctor, The Nurse, and The Huntress were needed just to pin him down and they had to lock him up until he passed out)

Myers almost drowned once (the survivors had a water trap made for The Doctor, when they set it off it dropped half the killers into a lake along with it. The Doctor managed to get a hold of The Hag and Teleport out of the way). Anna had to drag him out of the water and give him mouth-to-mouth. She was then determined to teach him how to swim. (after he got over the pneumonia from having his lungs full of dirty pond water). He found the whole thing embarrassing... especially the lessons, having to be half necked in the water with Anna, who only had a pair of shorts on and had her arms around him....ffffff.... not to mention The Spirit was watching....fml.

Because of that, Anna was the first person he said something to in 15 years (even if it is 90% “yes” and “no”... everybody (besides The Legion) thought he was mute, but when Anna asked “can you breathe?” and he gagged out a “yes” it surprised them all.)

She convinced him to eat meals around the others more often after that. He stuck close to Anna, Bubba, and Kenny the most. He didn’t mind The Wraith that much either... Still don’t like The Spirit. And he only goes around The Nurse if he has to  (after a week being sick and in Sally’s care... he’s just done with ghosts.... Rin, Sally, Freddy.... gtf away)

He would be one of the better killers, if he didn’t play around so much with his kills. Anna showed him how to kill people/animals faster... it actually made him play with them even more because he then knew what to do to prolong the process.

Myers and Anna are both Bi-Ace.... love and friendship isn’t in Myers vocabulary... they got stuck in an endless “repay a favor” loop after her rescuing him and giving him lessons.

They have to work around each other when on a hunt. He personally thinks she is too noisy and annoying on a hunt, and she thinks he takes too long fooling around. (he often has to change his killing style to go around hers, which he does not like to do).

When they are paired together on a mission, they would eventually start fighting with each other... it startled the survivors when they heard Myers tell her to “Shut. the. FUCK. UP!” about the singing and telling him to hurry up.  She then got so mad she was cursing him out in Russian... The Survivors still joke about them being an old married couple.... to their faces even. Laurie especially).

[risenspectre]

         IMPORTANT  HEADCANONS  TO  CONSIDER  !

CAN THEY USE CHOPSTICKS:  

Under read more for length.

Nope. Not only does having just three fingers per hand make it hard, he also never used them. He prefers more practical utensils... or his fingers. He has good fingers. They can do many things. Pretty exciting things, too... like picking up mini pizzas or fish! Also, I tried to hold two sticks with three fingers, and it’s not something I’m used to. I need at least four, on most occasions. You know, sort of like, but not exactly like, this:

A turian doesn’t have two fingers on the top. Angara can do it, but it would be the bottom stick with two fingers on it.  turians probably can’t use normal chopsticks, and most turians might not really be able to use anything other than those sticks that are fused together like kitchen tongs. It’s doable and I’ve done it before, but I have thinner fingers than a turian. There’s a variety of ways to hold them, like this:

Anyway, I have brought the subject to the attention of a server. Most agree that most turians, if not all, can’t do it. Nihlus can’t do it. He’s never had to. I don’t know how we ended up here, with several paragraphs, and with picture, but here was are.

WHAT DO THEY DO WHEN THEY CAN’T SLEEP:  

Nihlus doesn’t sleep. Jk. Thought, he did have trouble sleeping as a kid, since his home wasn’t the most secure. People might come in to steal your stuff, steal your pets, steal you, move everything a little to the left from you. Rival mercenaries who felt slighted because someone was taking all the best jobs might try to make a point out of the partner and kids. He didn’t always have a krogan or human to hide behind, and his mom wasn’t about to be coddling him by letting him sleep in the same bed as her. Maybe the same room, but not the same bed. Little choice on what room to keep him in when there is limited space. Well, unless he sleeps in the garage...

Funny enough, this went to the server, somehow, but that was unintentional. He sleeps a little better when fully alone, and he also sleeps very well with someone he feels he can trust to protect him or not hurt him. Warmth helps him feel more comfortable. He is down for them big and warm krogan hugs.

Anyway, as he got older, and he went to boot camp, he had trouble sleeping in shared quarters. He’d try to remain quiet and keep an eye on what was happening, eventually falling into a light sleep. It was noticed, eventually, and they tried to do something about it. If they hadn’t, he likely would have done less well. He still didn’t sleep so well, but he was getting better. Eventually, slept mostly alright, on average. He had nightmares at times, especially after certain Spectre missions, but he could take medication and sleep when he had the opportunity. His average sleeping time could range from very low to just below average. Rarely more. He can only sleep in if he does it by waking up in between.

After he was shot, that ship flew. His sleeping pattern was also shot. He woke up at times planned in, but he wouldn’t sleep until late. He’d be checking his messages and respond to them. He’d exercise. He’d also play a few little games to keep his mind sharp. He’ll clean up and do other chores around the house and whatever other work needs done at the time. His VI will be a little on his case. He’s got no shame responding at very late/early hours to people, but avoids doing so to messages from his therapy and such. The time fluctuations are partly because he doesn’t take his meds very regularly. He should take them at least an hour before his planned time to go sleep, but he doesn’t. He might have sleep paralysis, nightmares, terrors, vertigo.

WHAT WOULD THEY IMPULSE BUY AT THE GROCERY STORE: 

It depends. Nihlus never got to have many snack as a kid, so I guess he’d impulse buy a candy or toy and then hide it. Not that there were any stores for him to buy from or that his parents even let him handle credits when he was six. When he was around twelve though, he might, but only small things, and only because the one taking care of supplies wasn’t telling on him. Never something he’d be caught with. Don’t wanna leave a paper trail. Good thing he barely snacks, even now. He takes some with him, but those are little things sort of like nutrient bars, but they’re nutrient bites.

Um... Anyway, back to the question. He might impulse buy something that’s on sale. Even if he knows it may have been marked up prior, he might be tempted if he can’t check if it was. Though, he’ll still compare the price to other items, so it’ll at least be cheaper than what he thinks is too expensive. He tries to be less careful about the budget, but it’s hard. It took a while to get him to buy more things he didn’t plan to get, since money wasn’t something he was certain he’d have for the formative years of his life. He tends to check before going to a store as well, so he knows what’s in stock and he can plan better. Checks less for clothing, though. He’s upped his budget since getting a good job, too.

If someone he likes enough said they wanted something or mentioned something they need, he might just get it, but he’ll rarely buy something special for himself on most occasions. Maybe a drink for himself? Some fancy food products he rarely sees? Some fancy soaps for a loved one? Jewelry for bae? Some flowers he thought looked pretty? That extra fancy coffee from that new place that just opened and looks legit for the team.

WHAT ORDER DO THEY WASH THINGS IN THE SHOWER:   

First, the essentials, so he can get out quick if something so happens to come up for which he’d need to cut his time washing short. Essentials are: Genitals, face, armpits, collar, behind. He goes over the arms, neck, fringe, chest, sides, back, legs, the essentials again. He scrubs his plates, too. Gets in the nooks and crannies. He’s usually rather fast, because he need to get to work.

Of course, that’s on a day most would call normal. He’s not injured, he doesn’t have something that needs cleaning more than usual or something that isn’t supposed to get wet. If his muscles ache, he’ll wash in the same order as usual. He was a little more careful with his head for a bit, even though the would had already healed by the time he’d woken up. When he has enhancements or other such things added and the wounds aren’t fully closed yet, he elects to dry wash more and will start with the injured area to get it out of the way.

There are times it takes a little longer outside of those situations. That’s when he zones out for a minute or so. He tends to immediately resume what he was doing once back to reality, and not even realize he was out, so it’s not much longer on most occasions.

At any rate, he just autopilots his way in and out the shower on most occasions, and sticks to a pattern, making it not longer than ten minutes and being able to cut it to two or three if needed.

WHAT’S THEIR COFFEE ORDER:  

Nih doesn’t care. If he’s getting coffee, it’s for an artificial, temporary, and irresponsible energy boost that leaves him more tired by the end of the day. Also, I don’t know much about coffee. He prefers it without milk, though. He doesn’t like milk. In some things, cream is fine, but not really in coffee. Milk isn’t good for him. Real milk, that is. The dextro kind, not real levo milk. He can’t digest lactose. Neither can other turians. Nut-based milk is fine, but don’t put it in his coffee. Put it in his alcoholic beverage, maybe. I don’t know, just give him an espresso or something.

WHAT SORT OF APPS WOULD THEY HAVE ON THEIR SMARTPHONE:  

Utility apps, for the most part. News, mail, job-related apps, weather, travel, shopping, health tracker things. Also brain training kind of games. Word games, puzzle games, some other genre mobile games. Image viewing and storing apps. Of course, this is different with the tool. He won’t use the same one for a mission as he uses in his personal life. It would make some things to easy for the wrong kinds of people.

HOW DO THEY ACT AROUND CHILDREN: 

He doesn’t, usually. He tries, but he is not great with kids. He tries to be less uptight. He’s never considered dealing with kids. Not until he had a ship with someone he felt good settling down with. Most turians he knew were very careful with human babies and children once the war was over, due to humans being so soft and not wanting to cause more trouble between the species. Some elect to not even touch them. Nihlus is less worried. His claws are usually blunted, anyway. He’s not sure how human kids will respond to him, but he’ll try if he has to. He’s at no risk of accidentally scratching them, on most occasions, he just doesn’t know how a baby human would respond to how a turian looks and sounds. Lucky for him, most human babies respond well enough to cooing. This extends to turian babies as well, since cooing is used to comfort those.

The first time he handled a baby, he held it at an awkward distance from himself and didn’t know what to do other than let the little bugger bounce on his leg. The baby didn’t do much, and the parent came to get them after just a short bit. He was less concerned the second time, and that was a human baby. Went to look for the parents, because he thought human parents didn’t usually abandon their young with no reason. You know, like most intelligent species in the milky way. Also, they kept crying until he picked them up.

Whether he wants children depends. However, he is worried his old ties might haunt him and thus them and his partner(s). I’ve discussed this on Discord before. He’s afraid he may fall into habits his parents had or mess up somewhere. He’s afraid his children will get in trouble. He’s afraid to make sure his children grow up able to fend for themselves, because he doesn’t know how much is enough. Growing up being able to fend for himself meant using weapons from an early age and having to fight for his home and safety. It meant aiming a gun at someone. It meant blood and fear. None of these things are what he wants his kids to deal with at that age. Yet he’s also afraid that he might coddle them or be too easy on them and they won’t be able to protect themselves. He’s not sure how much he wants to keep his past as Spectre, because he is still not sure if he would want to have kids while active as Spectre, away from his kids. It’s not the most pleasant job to talk of and he doesn’t want to encourage them to pursue that line of work. He rather his kids become something like doctors or artists. He might be jumpy and used to going outside the law to deal with things, so people better not mess with his kids. He just wants his kids to be safe, and happy, and to not need to struggle like he did and to not be ostracized like he was. He wants to make sure of it, but he doesn’t know how to do that when he’s a mess. It’s sort of one of the few things he’s afraid of messing up enough so to not do it.

WHAT WOULD THEY WATCH ON TV WHEN THEY’RE BORED & NOTHING THEY REALLY LIKE IS ON:  

He likely won’t really watch tv at that point. It’d require him to sit still for too long when he’s already not invested, so he’d just be paying half attention after about maybe ten minutes. Maybe less. After that, he’ll likely get to other tasks.

tagged by:  @n7soldiered​ Thanks! And apologies for the wait. tagging:  I don’t know who has already done this, so... um... @vakarianblues​ @autodiscothings​

[autisticadventurer]

This is a rant about why the idea that “all people are a little autistic” is very harmful to the autism community ... with a lot of tangents.

In my life I’ve had two “best friends.” The first one dumped me for having low emotional intelligence, not being codependent, and being unable to read her mind. The second one, I had to get away from for shaming me about my abilities, choices and boundaries, adopting parts of my life as her own, and is an SJW online but behaves abusively toward her own child and tells people that breaking up with abusive people if unfair if they have a mental illness so just “love the abuser through it; they’re the real victim.”

My first best friend was actually my bully. I couldn’t see it. Let’s review,

“How can you get straight A’s but be so stupid?”

I recently read a book about body language. It gave me some incredible insights as to the motivations and feelings of others, but I’m no expert. I can tell you one thing though, the misunderstanding between Autistic people and non Autistic people goes both ways for me. It’s very difficult for me to understand why social hierarchy or appearances is a deciding factor in decision making. On the other hand, our special interests are often regarded as, “a cringy level of interest in something...” wow, you really have the mental energy to be disgusted with something that has nothing to do with you...? Did you know that there are people out there who want to make pineapple on pizza illegal? How can someone be so insecure that they want to control what other people eat on a pizza? How can someone be so insecure that they find a deep level of interest in spirituality or bus schedules or dinosaurs cringy? How can someone be so insecure that instead of building healthy relationships that are mutually beneficial, they instead use friends as people to push down in order to make themselves look “better”? It doesn’t make you look better; it makes you look like an insecure bully and an asshole.

All that aside, my second best friend was also my bully. She seemed to be of the belief that everyone is a little autistic, and she used this reasoning to shame me, saying things like, “but why can’t you just ... ?” or “Why did you ... ?”

Well, reality check. I spent the better part of my life not understanding abuse or knowing how to ask for what I needed. I recently read an article about how autistic women are incredibly prone to unwanted sexual violence because the autism community in general is treated, from birth, to accept things that are unwanted: To change our behaviors against our will. To tolerate abusive behaviors from others for our own good. To not believe our bodies regarding what we need. I could relate so hard. While my mother wasn’t an autism warrior parent, she was a pathological narcissist in denial of her own denial who became increasingly more abusive toward me each time a professional or family member tried to step in and advocate for my screening and assistance... and a father who is likely an undiagnosed autistic who couldn’t see that I was different because I’m so much like him... but it was my father who, later in my life, confirmed that they had more or less known all along and did nothing because they didn’t understand for their own reasons. Not everyone has the experience of finding out something really huge about themselves later in life that changes their life forever, but Final Fantasy characters often do, and this helped alleviate my feelings of loneliness and gave me a template for coping behavior when it happened to me. My mom threatened suicide when I was diagnosed, my dad came to accept himself, and I started promoting acceptance for Autism. If Final Fantasy has taught me one thing, it’s that fighting for what’s right matters more way more than what people think of you.

Revisit: How can you get straight A’s in school and be so stupid?

My mom was an average student but believes herself to be the most gifted person in the world. My mother found my abilities threatening to her own, and therefore refused to help me with anything. “Figure it out!” was all I ever heard, and this reinforced my difficulty in asking for help. Both of my parents lack emotional intelligence and therefore, were unable to model it. I was forbidden from receiving outside help, and therefore, never had the chance to learn. What this left me with was no map, no compass, and no guide. I ended up with friends who bullied me and shamed me for having no map, no compass, and no guide. A virtuous person would have acted as a guide, but:

How can you get straight A’s in school and be so stupid?

How can you get straight A’s in school but can’t figure out how to interview well or hold down a job or work full time?

How can you get straight A’s in school but not be able to maintain healthy relationships?

And the most hurtful of all: well, everyone’s a little autistic, so if I can do it then you can (should be able to) do it too. 

At my age, there is nothing to do but accept life on life’s terms. I can’t go back and change how I was raised, but I can heal from the abuse and trauma and move on. I can’t change the fact that I have student loans that I haven’t been able to pay off but I can keep looking for opportunities that might pay a living wage at part time and help me get off assistance. If it hadn’t been for all the therapy, I still wouldn’t know how to do either of those things. People like to use functioning labels to describe autistic people but:

How can you get straight A’s and be so stupid?

I was homeless for most of my early 20′s. Living with family in my late 20′s and enduring further trauma, abuse, and shaming for who I am drove me to attempt to end my life. I lived in a group residential housing facility after that incident. After receiving an accurate diagnosis, I was granted disability income. I’ve been fired for lack of eye contact and poor social skills, but because of my appearance, EVERY ASSHOLE OUT THERE WANTS TO PUT ME IN A CUSTOMER SERVICE ROLE EVEN THOUGH I’M HIGHLY SKILLED WITH COMPUTERS. I didn’t develop independent living skills until the age of 28 and that was with very hard work and diligence.

How can you get straight A’s and be so stupid?

Because functioning labels aren’t fair and they’re not real. Because seeing me for a few hours every couple of weeks when I’m at a level of functioning that allows me to be social doesn’t paint the picture of what living with Autism every day is like. Because you might not be communicating directly enough for me to understand what it is you want and if you expect me to read your mind, that’s codependent behavior anyway so step off, asshole. Because sensory processing problems mean that I get sick when storms roll in, migraines from fluorescent lighting, and sometimes I can’t understand what’s being said to me while other times I can hear a whispered conversation in another room with someone on the phone perfectly. I can smell it when someone farts at the mall. Because hyperconnectivity in my brain means I need to sleep a lot more than other people in order to function at a basic level. Because I can only work part time. Because I was out of work for several years due to collapsing under a backlog of a lifetime of trauma, SPD problems, communication problems... you name it. Because I’m usually very shy out the gate but once I get to know someone, I don’t stop talking ... about what some assholes would call a cringy level of interest in Final Fantasy or Spirituality. 

Because here’s the thing: we all have something to contribute and we all have different skill sets... and if you are so insecure that you can’t understand that other people are different from you or that (on a personal level) I’m doing my best in order to be functional so that I can spend time investing in a healthy and important relationship... that’s your problem, not mine. I already have enough on my plate doing my best to manage a neurological condition that affects my functioning from day to day, dealing with medications that work but make me gain weight, switching to other meds that have other side effects but don’t manage my SPD as well and CBD doesn’t work as well as the pharmaceuticals do. FUUUUUUUUU**********!

My boyfriend, Cowboy, said to me after we had been dating for a while, “Autism is something that people can’t understand until they see what it’s like from day to day.” We had known each other as friends for a while. When I went to cosplay events, I made sure that I was well rested and prepared. He never guessed that I struggled so much behind closed doors or in situations that I hadn’t had time to prepare any social scripts in advance for interacting with strangers. It is validating to be seen, and this is typically the responsibility of the parents... but I have one who only sees others as an extension of herself and another who doesn’t fully see himself, let alone others. Luckily, Cowboy sees people for who they are, as they are. I asked him, if you didn’t know I was autistic, would you still help me when I needed it? He’s never asked:

How can you teach yourself to code and still be so stupid? (Modern version)

He told me, “Of course I would help you. I don’t care if you’re autistic or not. I love you for who you are.”

[droesslervalente1996]

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[simplyclockwork]

Simplyclockwork’s Sherlock Fic Recs

This will be updated as I find and read more fics. I will make it accessible as a link on my blog if people want to follow.

This list is in no way exhaustive. 

Alternate Universe/Crossovers

Performance in a Leading Role - madlori

Explicit. 156,714 words. 21 chapters.

Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world?

A Moment’s Surrender - anchors

Mature. 64,272 words. 10 chapters. 

Sherlock tours worldwide with the English National Ballet. John dances the Lindy Hop competitively all across the globe. That they would meet, then, by the slimmest of chances in one lonely city, is pure coincidence. The whole 'dancing together' bit is a little more planned. Dancer!AU.

Love or What You Will - miss_frankenstein

Teen and Up. 31,987 words. 11 chapters.

John is an English professor who specializes in War and Post-War Literature and Sherlock is the brilliant yet impossible Ph.D. student assigned to be his TA because no one in the Chemistry Department is willing to put up with him. And - somewhere between Waugh and Plath, e-mails and takeaway, novels and villanelles - they fall in love.

Two Two One Bravo Baker - abudantlyqueer

Explicit. 114,574 words. 27 chapters. 

Captain John Watson of 40 Commando, the Royal Marines, is assigned to protect and assist Sherlock Holmes as he investigates what appears to be a simple war atrocity in Afghanistan. An intense attraction ignites between the two men as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens everything they’ve ever known, but Sherlock is as much hunted as hunter, and everyone close to him is in deadly danger. Can he solve the case in time to save himself and John?

The Jewel in the Tower - PoppyAlexander

Explicit. 207,079 words. 39 chapters.

"Xie [...] had invented an entire pleasure-industry by combining superior visual aesthetics with impeccable personal attention. Drasha salons were by that time a feature of any even half-decent house of repose in every pleasure district in the British Isles, but once upon a time, when Xie debuted, there had been only one, and Xie had named it: the Icehouse."

* In a contemporary dystopia, Unity is peace--despite the fact unsanctioned information, illicit currency, and every sort of danger flows unchecked in the world's pleasure districts.

John Watson, a weary hired gun, is assigned by the mysterious Mentor to investigate a subversive element lurking in the Icehouse, the world's most famous House of Repose. As accustomed as he is to dealing with the unexpected, John is nevertheless woefully unprepared to meet the gem of the Ice house, Xie, the world renowned "drashaskaya," the living work of art after which all other drashas are modeled.

In sumptuous suites, amid trailing puddles of silk and fervent whispers in the night, John soon learns that nothing is as it seems in the floating world of London's pleasure district. *

Modern-day dystopian/one-world government/espionage/geisha!lock AU

The Loss of Flesh and Soul - deuxexmycroft

Explicit. 60,000+ words. Unfinished.

Five years after John Watson puts the murderous Sherlock Holmes behind bars, a vicious copycat killer emerges. A reluctant John is pulled out of retirement to seek the expertise of the only man who can help, a man who has developed an unsettling obsession with John himself.

Crossover with Red Dragon/Silence of the Lambs

Simplyclockwork note: Not fully finished, but an alternative ending was posted. Still worth reading without a full ending.

I wake up and I wake up and you’re still dead - thisprettywren (memento/Sherlock crossover)

Mature. 24,226 words. One-shot.

Sherlock isn't the only one who's lost.

The Sinking of the Titanic: Sixty Years Later - flawedamythyst

Teen and Up. 15,340 words. One-shot. 

John Watson is interviewed for a documentary being made for the sixtieth anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. The story he tells is not the one the interviewer was expecting.

The Bachelors’ Handfasting - Jberry

Explicit. 30,624 words. 20 chapters.

After her son is caught in a compromising position, Victoria Holmes must make arrangements for a quick marriage between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.

Simplyclockwork note: Kilt!Lock and Soft Bab Sherlock (but of age)

Just to Hold You Close - sussexbound

Explicit. 70,841 words. 18 chapters. 

When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

Summit Fever - J_Baillier

Mature. 78,867 words. 18 chapters. 

After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he's a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover's trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I — the most lethal of all the world's highest mountains — shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

The Last Companion - standbygo

Explicit. 34,101 words. 14 chapters.

Thirty years after the Miranda Wars, there is peace, both on the Rim and the Core planets. There are a number of old social mores still in place, such as the Order of Companions, but there is a sense that even such respected practices are coming to an end…

Sherlock is a Companion - the best Companion on Persephone. With a bit of detective work on the side, of course. Then he meets a man named John Watson, encounters a series of bizarre cases, and finds his world is getting turned upside down.

Simplyclockwork note: Sherlock/Firefly AU!

Out There - DiscordantWords

Teen and up. 131,695 words. 10 chapters.

FBI Special Agent John Watson, medical doctor and army veteran, is assigned to assist eccentric genius Sherlock Holmes with paranormal investigations on the X-Files project.

This is a fusion with The X-Files, written for the Fall TV Season Challenge.

Say You’ll Stay With Me - justacookieofacumberbatch (buffyholic)

Explicit. 63,349 words. 21 chapters.

It was just supposed to be an ordinary business trip, but when John's car stalls out on Hollywood Boulevard, he meets someone who just might change his life.

Simplyclockwork note: Pretty Woman/Sherlock AU.

Gimme Shelter - SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John

Explicit. 159,368 words. 21 chapters.

All John Watson wants is the feeling of a freshly waxed surfboard under his feet and the hot California sun baking down onto his back. To finally go pro in the newly formed world of professional surfing and leave the dark memories of his past behind him as he rips across the face of a towering blue barrel. To lounge beside the beach bonfire every evening with an ice cold beer tucked into the cool sand beside him and listen to Pink Floyd and the Doors while the saltwater dries in his sun bleached hair.

That's all he wants, that is, until the hot young phenom taking Oahu and the Hawaiian shores by storm steps up next to him in the sand in the second round of the 1976 International Surf Competition.

Apokalypsis - songlin

Mature. 12,125 words. 4 chapters.

There were things I never told you because I thought we had time. There is no time left in the world anymore.

Sensory Science - sussexbound

Explicit. 80,017 words. 24 chapters. 

John Watson has been invalided home from Afghanistan and is struggling with anxiety, depression, PTSD and insomnia, when an old friend from med school recommends something that might help: An ASMR YouTube Channel run by a friend.

One session in and John is hooked, not only by the way the ASMR seems to calm him after nightmares, and help him sleep, but also by the mysterious man who runs it.

Comparative Literature is for Idiots - lookupkate

Explicit. 8,173 words. 4 chapters.

Sherlock thinks he's very bohemian, smoking cigarettes and wearing patchouli oil and writing poetry in the attic. In truth he's just your average seventeen year old, not showering enough and being hit particularly hard by his continued path through puberty.

John is getting his masters in literature. He's the TA for comparative literature and yearns for romance. Romance has other plans, plans that require him to go without for at least ten more years. Plans that put in front of him the exact man he'll finally fall in love with, but in boy form.

When Sherlock happens to see John reading poetry at a coffee shop he is immediately smitten. John holds him at arm's length because he's a bloody child.

How will ten years and miles apart change that view, and will John be able to understand how he's fallen in love with someone he doesn't ever get to see?

Stay tuned for puberty hi jinx and the passing of time to find out. And yes, there will be love.

An Everlasting Inferno - thatawkwardfriend

Explicit. 108,389 words. 15 chapters.

Sherlock and John are both men who operate outside the law. John works for Mary and her hitmen in order to keep a roof over his head. Sherlock does anything his drug dealer asks of him in exchange for free drugs and housing.

They meet one night in a darkened garage to negotiate a deal. But they soon find out that neither of their bosses are being entirely honest with them about their goals or motives. With a little poking around, they stumble upon something much bigger than themselves and discover that perhaps, it might be in their best interests to work together.

(Loosely inspired by StartUp and Little Favour)

Only To Be With You - SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John

Mature. 40,768 words. 4 chapters.

I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black.

I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

You Give Me Fever - michi_thekiller

Explicit. 16,122 words. One-shot.

Thou givest fever when we kisseth, fever with thy flaming youth Fever I'm afire; fever, yea, I burn forsooth "He's the kind of boy you want to take apart."

Gratuitous Greaserlock. It's essentially 16k of mostly-porn. Warnings for underage sex between teens.

OmegaVerse

The Gilded Cage - BeautifulFiction

Explicit. 326,887 words. 31 chapters.

In a world where Omegas are the property of the elite Alphas, locked away and treasured by those wealthy enough to buy them, John never questioned his flatmate's secondary gender. Sherlock Holmes was an Alpha through-and through.

Wasn't he?

A chance discovery turns the world on its head, and John is left grappling to come to terms with Sherlock's past as events conspire to threaten their future.

Relative Incandescence - orphan_account

Explicit. 35,486 words. One-shot. 

Two musical notes: Every parrot and every construction worker knows them. Shrill and salacious, so Sherlock will remember: You are on display. It’s supposed to be a compliment. Supposed to make him feel good, that they have laboured to remind him.

It makes him feel like a package of meat, set down into the cooler, raw and waiting to eaten.

Supernatural/Fantasy/Magical Realism

Graceless - Belladonna_Q

Mature. 1,296 words. One-shot.

He spins and throws blindly, and another soft whump, that comforting scent of home vaporizing before him. A single raven coloured feather seasaws through the air.

“God damn you, Sherlock!” He shouts, he screams, and there’s nothing in the space he can strike. Nothing he can grab and heave into the darkness.

Beneath the Silver Moon - SailorChibi

Explicit. 85, 993 words. 73 chapters. 

After being bitten in Afghanistan, John was invalided home. Being a werewolf was new to him, and he wasn't interested in any of the help or orientation that the Centre had to offer, but even his wolf knew better than to enter territory that had been marked. Until his first outside change, when he met a strange alpha wolf that wanted John to follow it home into pack territory. John's initial refusal became a challenge for the curious alpha... one Sherlock Holmes.

All Things Inherit - BeautifulFiction (@the-pen-pot​)

Explicit. 53,682 words. 6 chapters. 

"For John, it's not a bullet that throws his existence into disarray – it's a bite."

In a world where twelve percent of the population are Mactiri - people with the ability to turn into wolves at will - John finds himself struggling with a new and horrifying existence. The victim of a shocking attack, he is discharged from the army and sent home, determined never to acknowledge what he can now become.

However, when his health starts to fail, it is up to his enigmatic new flatmate to show him that perhaps his life is not the nightmare John believes it to be.

Inexplicable - emmagrant01

Explicit. 34,664 words. 6 chapters.

So what was in that matchbox, anyway? John and Sherlock find out, the hard way.

Simplyclockwork note: this fic ripped my heart out in the best way.

Riptide Lover - jinglebell

Explicit. 114,090 words. 20 chapters.

The year is 1866. When John becomes swept overboard, he never expects to encounter a living creature of myth. When the merman absconds with John, the lost sailor must use every tool at his disposal to convince Sherlock not to kill him. But it seems that killing John Watson is not what the deadly, beautiful creature has in mind at all...

Victorian mermaid AU. Heed the tags. Complete!

John Watson’s Moon - patternofdefiance

Explicit. 11,314 words. One-shot

“You’ll let me see it, of course.”

It takes John no time at all to realize what is being asked, to stiffen with indignation, but he asks, “See what?” nonetheless.

The look those grey-green eyes level at him says please don’t actually be that stupid far more eloquently than should be possible. “You are loup garou, recently infected under traumatic circumstances and subsequently discharged from military service, most likely from a post in Afghanistan or Iraq. Your wounds would have healed with the passing of the initial fever, so whatever lingering effects you are suffering are likely psychosomatic – and severe enough to bar you from the one occupation where being a ruthless hunter is seen as a qualification rather than a detriment.” Those eyes flick back up from their cataloguing of John’s limbs and body to meet his eyes. “When I say you’ll let me see it, I am then, of course, referring to your wolf form.”

“And why would I do that?”

“Potential flatmates should know the worst about one another.”

Hellfire - PrettyArbitrary

Teen and up. 2,966 words. One-shot.

John learns, with clawing, bloody slowness, how to fend for himself. He learns the capacity to love wasn’t taken from him, or the need for it. He learns what it is to starve. To need things that aren’t given to him.

A prequel to Graceless.

Full Moon - sommerprosson

Explicit. 5,151 words. One-shot.

Sherlock rather wishes the man hadn’t woken. Now, he has to talk to him before he bites his throat during the night.

Tedious.

The Curious Wine - songlin

Explicit. 15,095 words. 8 chapters.

"I want to watch you kill, because I want to see you lose that tiresome battle against your baser instincts. I want to drink from you, enough that you go weak and breathless and can’t stand properly, but I don’t want to kill you, because then you’ll be gone and the thought of never being surprised by you ever again makes me want to go naked into the sunlight and wait until it burns me into ash."

Blue Blood - You_Light_The_Sky

Teen and up. 963 words. One-shot.

"I know you're here," John shouts into the darkness.

The Autumn Moon is Bright - barrowjane

Mature. 23,935words. 3 chapters.

John has two secrets he keeps from Sherlock - he manages this, he thinks, only because Sherlock would find the idea that John is attracted to him just as unlikely as the idea of John being a werewolf. He's not sure what it says about his life, that love and lycanthropy are considered equally impossible events.

The Stars Move Still - BeautifulFiction (@the-pen-pot​)

Explicit. 96,022 words. 5 chapters.

"What could I want so desperately that would make me sell my soul? What could possibly compel me to surrender the part of myself that makes me who I am: the source of my magic, my self-control, everything?"

Say That Again, But In English This Time - janonny

Explicit. 15,842 words. One-shot. 

Lestrade was calling about a new murder, Sherlock was acting strange even for a consulting detective-werewolf, and John was missing blood from the fridge. Just another day in John’s life. (Alternate Universe where Sherlock is a werewolf, and John is a vampire. Everything else is exactly the same.

Darkling, I Listen - You_Light_The_Sky

Teen and up. 73,254 words. 8 chapters.

No one who enters old London ever comes out. They say that the beast devours them. When his sister disappears, John ventures into the dead zone beyond the wall, and finds a brilliant madman under a terrible curse...

The Bite - Laur

Explicit. 48, 214 words. 16 chapters.

Sherlock gets it wrong.

Days, months, even years in the future, Sherlock’s oversight during the Baskerville case will continue to torment him, but nothing about that night will ever be as painfully vivid as the memory of John’s screams.

This is how it begins.

Dark!Sherlock/Dark!John 

Hollow Hands Cling series - misanthropyray

Explicit. 17,718 words. 2 works.

Written for a prompt on the kinkmeme: "John breaks up with Sherlock and moves out of Baker Street. Hurt, angry, and heartbroken, Sherlock implicates him in a murder."

The Most Dangerous Game - gestalt1/chi-chi-chimaera

Explicit. 26,179 words. One-shot.

Written for a prompt on BBC Sherlock Kink Meme : I'd really like to see some secret!serial-killer!Sherlock, either because he's finally gotten bored of solving regular crimes, or he's been doing this all along and framing other people for it.

Extra Dark!Watson would be much appreciated. Maybe he's just seen so many people killed, and killed himself, that it no longer feels like much to be concerned about.

Skinful Canvas - You_Light_The_Sky

Teen and Up. 9,360 words. One-shot.

A person’s sins gets marked on their skin in such beautiful ways. Sherlock has no such marks and yet his hands are the bloodiest of all. He would so like to mark John in etchings of his own… Serial-Killer!Sherlock

Training Dr. John Watson - angelblack3

Explicit. 57,917 words. 30 chapters.

In this universe, Jim got a hold of Sherlock way before he ever met the ones that were meant to save him. Now, they're happy business partners. Though, according to Jim, Sherlock isn't nearly as happy as he could be. He should find someone like Jim found his dear pet Sebby. Sherlock is skeptical, until he finds an army doctor with a psychosomatic limp in a twisted sense of fate.

Simplyclockwork note: Very, very dark. Rape and non-con. Read the tags! 

Post-Reichenbach

One Day at a Time Series - KeelieThompson1

Mature. 35,137 words. 2 works.

Sherlock always had an influence on John, so when he "dies" and John finds his secret stash of cocaine, one thing leads to another. And John is far too proud to admit just how far he is falling or ask for help. Afterall, who is there left that he can really ask?

The Burning Heart - May_Shepard

Mature. 119,150 words. 21 chapters.

When Sherlock dies, John Watson feels like his life is over too. He’s completely shut down, until Mark Morstan, a new nurse at John’s medical clinic, catches his attention, and helps him uncover the long buried truth of his attraction to men.

Although he’s certain he’ll never get over Sherlock, John plans to move on, and build a new life with Mark, unaware that Sherlock is not quite as dead as he appears, and that Mark is hiding secrets of his own.

The Quiet Man - ivyblossom

Explicit. 157,369 words. 58 chapters.

"Do you just carry on talking when I'm away?"

Ford - theshopislocal

Mature. 31,744 words. 5 chapters.

He turns back round then and looks down at me, eyes curious. “Your name, W.S.S. Holmes.” That’s not my name. “Is it Walter? Or Wilbur? Maybe something really awful like, er,” he smiles wryly, “Willoughby? Winchester?”

I feel my face go blank as my body numbs over. “Scott,” I say, voice devoid of emotion. “My name is Scott.”

The Imposter - PoppyAlexander

Mature. 9,802 words. One-shot.

Sherlock has been rescued by his brother and is ready to reclaim his life, his work, and--of course--John Watson.

But John Watson let it all slide in the wake of Sherlock Holmes' death and is living on the streets, drinking, dissociated from his previous life and even from his own name.

Sherlock will have to convince him that he really *is* Sherlock Holmes.

Synapses - theshopislocal

Explicit. 52,725 words. 9 chapters.

“Thrice.”

“Yes.”

John blinks. Shakes his head. Blinks again. “Thhhhrice.”

“Yes.”

Is my mouth moving right n- “Thrice in your entire life?”

“Yess, John,” Sherlock growls, hissing like a snake grabbed by the tail. “Thrice, three times, twice more than once and once more than twice, a veritable triptych of onanism. Thrice.”

Of Nightmares and Memories - @annecumberbatch

Not-Rated. 220 words. One-shot.

Stream of consciousness poem of fragmented thoughts after Sherlock leapt to his death and John tries to continue life without him. -------------

I grab at a stranger

Pulling them out of their life

Trying to pull you back into mine

It left me with empty hands

Ten Days - @engazed

Explicit. 137,212 words. 31 chapters. 

Sherlock Holmes has been dead for forty months, and John is at last beginning to live his life again. But just when he believes he might be happy, his world crashes back down around him.

John is named a missing person. Someone is pointing DI Lestrade in the wrong direction. And as the days pass, his situation only grows more dire. It seems like the disappearance of his best friend is the only thing that can bring Sherlock Holmes back from the dead.

Simplyclockwork note: Intense torture and non-con. Read the tags!

Slow Burn/Pining/Unrequited Love

Drawn to Stars - silvergirl

Explicit. 100,000+ words. 56 chapters.

“Romantic entanglement, while fulfilling for other people—” “—would complete you as a human being.”

After the Culverton Smith case Sherlock is clean, working, and looking for a romantic partner—since John has told him that’s what he needs. Shame John didn’t mention he was interested in that role himself, before Sherlock went off to Rome with a gorgeous Italian copper to try to fall in love and become a complete human being.

Thermodynamics series - entanglednow 

Teen and Up. 16,300 words. 4 works. 

In which there's no heating and there's a dead owl in Sherlock's bed.

the knife I turn inside myself - polyommatusblues

Explicit. 11,307 words. One-shot.

There are a million parallel universes out there in which Sherlock and John are happy—universes in which Sherlock never jumped, John never married, and things never went to hell. Sherlock knows that this is not one of universes. It could have been, he imagines, but it’s not.

They make do.

Ease Your Way into Occupied Spaces - joolabee

Explicit. 11,091 words. One-shot.

One thing’s certain: this wasn’t the way it was supposed to happen.

The Real Meaning of Idioms - feverishsea

Teen and Up. 21,691 words. 13 chapters.

After two weeks away, John finally texts Sherlock. He doesn't expect Sherlock to respond. He doesn't expect Sherlock to keep texting him. And he really doesn't expect things to spiral out of control so rapidly.

The Symposium - orphan_account

Explicit. 2,542 words. One-shot.

"You're going to regret this," Sherlock manages while John sucks on his neck, "Whatever you're doing, I'm not going to stop you, and you'll regret it." He doesn't want to be that, some guilty secret John carries about. Sherlock might not have much in the way of qualms in general, but he does have some standards.

"I'll just add it to the list then, shall I?" John's voice is rueful, bitter.

White Knight - discordantwords

Mature. 69,840 words. 13 chapters.

Green.

The word green was used to convey a great many things. Illness. Envy. Inexperience.

Standing there amidst Janine's chattering bridesmaids, watching Sherlock furrow his brow and study fabric swatches, watching him smile and simper and flirt, John thought it a remarkably apt colour choice. Because he felt quite sick to his stomach, he feared the source of said sickness might very well be jealousy, and he had absolutely no idea at all what to do about it.

Or: Sherlock needs to fake a relationship for a case. He doesn't ask John.

The Progress of Sherlock Holmes - ivyblossom

Explicit. 62,006 words. 25 chapters.

“I had,” he said, “come to an entirely erroneous conclusion, my dear Watson, how dangerous it always is to reason from insufficient data.”

-- Arthur Conan Doyle, The Adventure of the Speckled Band

Angst/Hurt and Comfort/Sick Fics

The Vapor Variant - 88th Parallel (CanadaHolm)

Mature. 72,684 words. 18 chapters. 

They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril.

They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear.

Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”

Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods.

Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.

kiss me on the mouth & set me free (but please don’t bite) - crysanthemumsies

Explicit. 18,743 words. 6 chapters.

Five times John got drunk and slept with Sherlock, and the one time Sherlock got drunk and couldn't do the same.

Control, Alt, Delete - MirithGriffin

Explicit. 75,196 words. 28 chapters.

If you could delete everything except what was really important, would you? Sherlock and John explore the question and each other. 

Lacuna - coloredink

Explicit. 15,607 words. One-shot.

God, it must have been terrible, to think that he would never have this again.

Second Waltz - Atiki

Teen and up. 6,685 words. One-shot.

"The night I died, you wished I could wait for you."

The Haunting of 221B Baker Street - earlgreytea68

Mature. 10,388 words. 2 chapters.

In which Sherlock Holmes is a ghost.

Warm Me Up - halloa_what_is_this

General audiences. 5,357 words. One-shot.

For days, it’s like living with a sick toddler craving for attention and entertainment. Sherlock stays close to John the whole time, climbs on top of him or next to him every time he sits or lies down and sleeps with his head buried in his stomach every night.

This Time No (Forgiveness) - AtlinMerrick

Explict. 29,464 words. 11 chapters.

It was Sherlock's fault. It usually is. And though he'll ask forgiveness for what he's done, for the very first time John will say, 'This time no, Sherlock. This time, never.' And maybe, just maybe, John Watson is going to mean it.

Electric Pink Hand Grenade - BeautifulFiction

Explicit. 67,718 words. 13 chapters.

"If Sherlock's brain is a hard drive, then these attacks are an electro-magnetic pulse." Sherlock Holmes does not do anything by half, not even a migraine. It falls to John to witness one of the greatest minds he has ever known tear itself apart, and he must do his best to help Sherlock pick up the pieces.

Already Gone - AnneCumberbatch

Explicit. 3,649 words. 7 chapters.

“Sherlock…” John smoothed Sherlock’s shirt out over his chest. “I’m not a good man. I’m not.” “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit, John.” Sherlock shifted his hands to hold onto John’s shoulders. “I think you give me too much.” “John…” Sherlock ducked his head towards John and stopped, hovering above John’s lips. “Please. Kiss me again.”

Emails from the War Zone - trajektoria

Mature. 1,872 words. One-shot.

John returns to Afghanistan for a month to be an army doctor once again and Sherlock is left alone in the flat. The only contact the men have with each other is via emails. Sometimes it's easier to write something than to tell it face-to-face...

carrying up his morning tea - darcylindbergh

Explicit. 34,504 words. 5 chapters.

His fingers tremble as he dials and he can’t force them steady. Familiar number, even though he hasn’t used it in two years. He isn’t even sure he should be calling it now, but she’d asked. She’d made him promise.

You Have Drawn Red From My Hands - J_Baillier 

Teen and up. 67,085 words. 17 chapters.

John getting injured leads Sherlock on a path of guilt and revelations.

Alone on the Water - Mad_Lori

General Audiences. 7,725 words. One-shot.

Sherlock Holmes never expected to live a long life, but he never imagined that it would end like this.

Simplyclockwork note: This fic has Major Character Death in it.

The Wisteria Tree - SilentAuror

Explicit. 29,773 words. One-shot.

Sherlock wakes up from a month-long coma only to discover that he has no memory of the previous six years to his own shock as well as John's...

Without Words - allonsys_girl

Explicit. 12,492 words. One-shot.

John and Sherlock have been together for six months and Sherlock still hasn't said "I love you". Then John gets hurt, and Sherlock expresses how much John really means to him.

When a Man is Wrong - plantsareneat 

Mature. 70,000+ words. Incomplete. 

After the events of The Lying Detective, John and Sherlock attempt to rebuild their friendship, and John struggles with life as a single father. He discovers he is not fully in control of his anger and behavior, and spirals into depression. Follows John through this dark period, and through the healing process he needs to make both for himself and for Sherlock, who has stood by him throughout.

Author Note: *Trigger Warning: pretty graphic depiction of deep depression and suicidal thoughts, including a (non-successful) attempt. Later part of the story follows a hospitalization and healing process coupled with developing/realized romance. Please take care of yourself, dear reader; if this subject is triggering for you, choose another story!

Simplyclockwork note: incomplete but still actively being worked on I believe, very worth the read even unfinished.

Open Your Eyes - AnneCumberbatch

Mature. 4,385 words. 6 chapters.

Sometimes you don't know what you could have had until you lose it.

Winner of the Fall 2019 #keepjohnlockalivecompetition by sherlockswolmes on Tumblr

The Heart in the Whole - verityburns

Explicit. 101,650 words. 21 chapters.

Events after 'The Great Game' leave Sherlock dependent on his best friend and colleague. But John has a secret of his own...

The Emergency Contact Series - blueink3

Mature. 11,763 words. 2 works.

The first time John Watson’s emergency contact is called is the first time Sherlock Holmes finds out that he has the job.

Rebuilding Rome - SilentAuror

Explicit. 94,000 words. 15 chapters.

When a case unexpectedly forces John to acknowledge some difficult truths about himself and his life, he spirals downward, leaving Sherlock to do his best to rescue him from his own darkness and somehow try to build something new on broken foundations.

Radioactive Trees in a Red Forest - Maribor_Petrichor 

Explicit. 280,226 words. 73 chapters. 

John Watson is what happens when a man can no longer see a reason to go on.

John Watson is what happens when a man starts to let go.

"It is what it is."

John Watson is what happens when what "it is" becomes too much to bear.

This is a story of the life, death, and resurrection of John Hamish Watson.

Sink Like a Stone - pennydreadful

Teen and Up. 4,348 words. One-shot.

After defeating Moriarty at the pool, life isn't quite the same around 221B Baker Street...it's more peaceful. And stranger.

Dissolution: Our Plague Days - PoppyAlexander

Teen and up. 6,663 words. One-shot.

The bees have been dying for years. A mysterious pandemic has the people of Great Britain quarantined and terrified. Sherlock's solved it; now John must save them.

Evidence of Human Life - thesardine 

Explicit. 16,906 words. One-shot.

Sherlock's sanity deteriorates while he and John are stranded on a deserted island.

Canon Divergent/Fix-It Fics

The Internet is Not Just for Porn - cyerus

General Audiences. 1911 words. One-shot.

John is Sherlock's internet boyfriend - from CANADA.

No one thinks he's real.

Nature and Nurture - @earlgreytea68

Mature. 203,273 words. 57 chapters. 

The British Government accidentally clones Sherlock Holmes. Which brings a baby to 221B Baker Street.

Of Course I Forgive You - allonsys_girl

Explicit. 10,735 words. One-shot.

What if things had gone differently on that train car?

The Pieces That Fall to Earth - Itsallfine

Mature. 49,513 words. 84 chapters. 

John and Sherlock have hit rock bottom, but with all their armor stripped away, they can finally speak honestly, seek healing, and find the truths that matter most.

An epistolary post-s4 fix-it fic. Now complete.

The Unfinished Letters - SilentAuror

Explicit. 37,391 words. One-shot.

A fire at Baker Street leads John to read something he was never intended to see: a notebook of half-written, unfinished letters Sherlock wrote during his time away...

Don’t Leave Anything Out - lookupkate

Explicit. 27,422 words. 24 Chapters.

The first letter John writes home from Afghanistan is meant to go to a woman he went on only one date with. How it ends up in Sherlock's hands is completely innocent. What happens next is not.

What do you do when you find out the person you're in love with has been lying about something as monumental as who they are?

What do you do when you're the one who lied?

How on earth do you put the pieces back together?

Equilibrium - augustbird

Mature. 12,351 words. One-shot.

At Baskerville, John is infected by a virus that turns him into a genius. But when the infection progresses into neurodegeneration, it's a race against time to save himself. Flowers for Algernon fusion.

He’s Not Paid Enough to Deal With This Shit - janonny

Teen and Up. 9,829 words. One-shot.

One of the first things John did was to write up step-by-step instructions on how to conduct a proper job interview before handing it over to Mycroft for his perusal. There were no kidnapping, deserted car parks or stolen therapy notes anywhere on that list.

(Or the one where John returned from the war and ended up working for Mycroft as his personal assistant slash doctor on retainer. Everything was fine, until he was sent to post bail for one Sherlock Holmes.

Play for Me - orphan_account

Explicit. 6,105 words. One-shot.

"John had shown up at Baker Street only one day prior, an army duffle slung over his shoulder, the expression on his face like a cracked and ruptured fault line. Sherlock stood aside, holding open the door, and let John ascend the stairs in silence, asking nothing of Mary, asking nothing at all."

The Bee Charmer - dreadpiratewatson

Mature. 3,314 words. One-shot.

Greg goes to 221B to check up on Sherlock after a strange phone call pulls him away from an important case, and is stunned to find himself in front of a gun brandishing soldier with a sleeping Sherlock on his chest.

John Watson is a doctor, a war hero, a husband, and the only one in the world who can soften Sherlock's heart.

Whisper Game - astudyinrose

Explicit. 11,705 words. One-shot. 

John is on his stag night at a gay club a few weeks before he ships out to Afghanistan…when he meets Sherlock Holmes.

Wild Nights, Wild Nights - cassy1

Mature. 32,047 words. 15 chapters. 

If Sherlock had never met John, would he still be on the side of the angels? On his return from Afghanistan, John takes a job working the night shift at a high secure psychiatric hospital, but when the infamous criminal mastermind Sherlock Holmes is admitted as a patient, John begins to suspect that all is not as it seems.

Gone is My Past - cyerus

Teen and Up. 7,800 words. One-shot

John is an army bomb detection dog who has been turned into a human. Angst. No, really, angst.

Illusory Correlation and Confirmation Bias - VanillaBroompolish

General Audiences. 10,448 words. 6 chapters. 

Looking back, there were a few things that should’ve tipped Greg off long before that night at the pub. A few things Sherlock left fairly obvious, that on reflection, made Greg question how he’d gotten his job in the first place.

Unilock/Teenlock

The Awakening - Popcornjones

Explicit. 34,166 words. 9 chapters.

Sherlock is a University student and he's in trouble - good thing a handsome rugby player comes along...

Unilock with a twist.

Simplyclockwork note: this is a really complex fic. It’s unilock, and canon-divergent, and angst, and there’s brief major character death that isn’t permanent. Read the tags! 

Up to Speed - prettysailorsoldier

Explicit. 13,364 words. One-shot.

John doesn't know what he did to deserve this, but, whatever it takes to atone for it, he is more than willing to try, because, if he has to spend one more second with Sherlock Holmes, he might spontaneously combust. Or strangle him. He's currently undecided.

Feeling Seen - jadztone

Explicit. 30,177 words. 9 chapters. 

Rugby player John is starting over at a new university, with the help of friends Molly and Bill. Few people know that John is demisexual, but ballet dancer Sherlock Holmes deduces right away that he has no interest in sex unless he’s fallen in love. John finds this strange genius intriguing and would like to get to know him, but Sherlock has a self-cultivated reputation for only wanting casual sex. John has reason to believe that’s not really true, but he’s not sure he wants to risk his twice-fractured heart to find out.

Invite Me Over - testosterone_tea 

Explicit. 8,443 words. One-shot.

Sherlock lives in a crappy, run-down flat during his grad studies in chemistry when an attractive med student moves in next door. Unilock.

Happy Little Accidents - weneedtotalkaboutsherlock (Paradoxe1914)

Explicit. WIP. 

John had never really thought about art before the man dropped his dressing gown to the ground. Even then, art took a moment to manifest itself in John's mind, for his thoughts had gone as bare as the model in front of his seat: entirely. 

Transition Game - emmagrant01

Explicit. 33,258 words. One-shot.

Sherlock Holmes is a chemistry grad student and a TA for Dr. Stamford’s Forensic chem course at Greenview State University. One fall semester, John Watson, captain of the hockey team, takes that course. (Unilock + hockey AU)

You’re On the Air - prettysailorsoldier

Mature. 20,616 words. One-shot.

The Consulting Detective and The Woman dominate the airwaves of their university radio station, doling out advice on everything from meeting the parents to sexual positions. When their ratings start to dip before the holidays, however, manager Mike thinks it's time for some fresh blood, and who better to fill in the gaps than rugby captain--and notorious flirt--John Watson?

Let me Touch you (The First Summer) - Shay_Fae

Mature. 18,536 words. 14 chapters.

Seventeen-year-old John is spending the summer at Sherlock's country house. Sherlock can't imagine anything worse.

Especially since he may be falling in love with the boy

Case Fics

Midnight Blue Serenity - Beautiful Fiction

Explicit. 151,907 words. 19 chapters.

“This was like nothing John had ever thought to associate with Sherlock: stubble, skin-tight jeans and three small silver rings gleaming at the crest of one ear. It was unbelievable, like stepping into an alternative universe, and John couldn't stop staring.”

When Sherlock infiltrates a club in order to track down a serial killer, his altered appearance is enough to make John question his assumption that Sherlock is beyond his reach. However, is he the only one who appreciates his flatmate's charms, or is Sherlock at risk of becoming the next victim? (Warning: reviews may contain fic spoilers)

The Thing Is - TSylvestris

Explicit. 56,743 words. 21 chapters.

The problem with living with Sherlock, John thought, was that you never, never, ever knew the significance of anything. Like your flatmate's nose buried in your hair. Whilst you're in bed.

Smut 

To a Tee - lookupkate

Explicit. 15,321. 14 chapters.

Sherlock receives a text from an unknown number. The man is under the impression that he needs a sugar daddy. After careful consideration...well, he could be right.

Coin to Travel Twice - entanglednow

Mature. 1,997 words. One-shot.

"I don't think I've ever seen anyone pretending to be dead with such relish before."

Closer - michi_thekiller

Explicit. 8,516 words. One-shot.

You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you "Sherlock cupped John's face between his trembling hands, the two of them so close together that they shared the same breath. Oxygen and carbon dioxide passed from one set of lungs to another, and he couldn't hear over the pounding of his own heart, and he said, 'I need you.'"

Pentadione, Damascenone, Furanone, Vanillin - peevee

Mature, 2,242 words. One-shot.

Sherlock takes his work very seriously, whatever the job.

Every morning he catalogues. He wants to distill the very scent of John’s skin, his hair, his sweat.

Whisper Game - astudyinrose

Explicit. 11,705 words. One-shot.

John is on his stag night at a gay club a few weeks before he ships out to Afghanistan…when he meets Sherlock Holmes.

Curious Case - Cleo2010

Explicit. 44,653 words. 11 chapters.

After burning his hands, Sherlock's unable to release his 'tension' in the usual manner. Who should he turn to? His totally, completely straight friend and flatmate who's totally not into Sherlock or his boy parts at all. Definitely.

Just a bit of fun that's PWP with a hint of plot, all the way through.

Exquisite - SoftTae

Explicit. 4,755 words. One-shot.

Sherlock and John have been together for a while now, but everytime they get start to get intimate, Sherlock pulls away. What happens when Sherlock stays and John finds out his secret?

Say My Name - mistyzeo

Explicit. 2,611 words. One-shot.

John Watson, my dear partner, faithful friend, eternal confidante, and enthusiastic lover, is the quietest man in bed I have ever known. ACD.

Best of Three - SilentAuror

Explicit. 17,473 words. One-shot.

“You want to have sex with me,” Sherlock announces one evening about a year after John's divorce. John's vigorous denial sparks a three-day wager wherein Sherlock is determined to prove his point, and John is determined to hold onto his heterosexuality. Set well after HLV. (Canon-compliant). PORN. With feels.

Distractions - allonsys_girl

Explicit. 9,677 words. One-shot.

Sherlock's on a stakeout and John's very pretty - distractions ensue

High Voltage - thedeadparrot

Explicit. 2,018 words. One-shot.

John. Sherlock. A gay club.

Not Your Doctor, Not Your Captain - weneedtotalkaboutsherlock 

Explicit. 8,645 words. One-shot.

Daddy Doctor John/Barista Sherlock 

In So Many Words - Mazarin221B

Explicit. 2,613 words. One-shot.

Wine and a post-case high lead to some an interesting conversation and even more of an interesting night.

Oh God, oh God, he should say no, he should, but Sherlock is intense and aroused and John hasn’t been laid in months, too damn busy cocking about with Sherlock and brandishing a weapon with enthusiasm. Oh, fuck it. “Yes. Christ yes,” he says, and the words are lost against Sherlock’s mouth.

In Good Hands - penumbra

Explicit. 1,619 words. One-shot.

John gives Sherlock a hand. 

Nothing ever happens to me - PlainJane

Explicit. 5,575 words. One-shot.

John Watson is a very bored member of the UK Border Agency, assigned to Heathrow. Sherlock Holmes is a very rude passenger who smells pretty interesting to the sniffer dogs. Someone needs to be searched...

I Think It’s A Dare, Johnny - lookupkate

Explicit. 2,110 words. One-shot.

John gets teased by his army buddies on his 40th birthday. They dare him to try to bed a much younger man at the bar. Seeeeeexxxxxxxx.

Best Seat in the House - wendymarlowe

Explicit. 5,014 words. 3 chapters.

AU where John gets a new job bartending at a gay nightclub. He takes the job for the money, but he keeps at it because he loves watching Sherlock dance. Until one night, when Sherlock suggests they make it something rather more.

The Perfect Specimen - Cleo2010

Explicit. 16,066 words. One-shot.

After seeing John undressed for the first time and making certain observations, Sherlock quickly becomes obsessed with a certain body part belonging to his flatmate. This is the story of how that first sighting came to be and the following attempts to learn more. An unashamed masturbation-fest, first person and very detailed. It's rated explicit for a good reason!

Evening Ride - LapisLazuli

Explicit. 8,832 words. One-shot.

John has a series of unexpected meetings with a stranger on the Tube.

Just Browsing - bendingsignpost

Explicit. 3,869 words. One-shot.

“I’m a good kisser,” John says.

Another eye roll. “Everyone thinks that.”

“Everyone? Blimey, someone’s been kissing and telling. Had no idea I was so famous.”

Sandy Toes and Chafed Arseholes - CatieBrie

Mature. 5,506 words. One-shot.

And it all would have gone great, John getting a leg over and Sherlock being the devious whatever it was he was being but they had forgotten one disastrous component of sex on the beach.

The sand.

Or: A cautionary tale against sex on the beach

Perchance to Dream - dorothydonne

Explicit. 7,213 words. One-shot.

Sherlock has been the voyeur to people's dreams for as long as he can remember. It's why he hates sleeping.

That is, until he stumbles into one of John Watson's dreams. Then suddenly sleep isn't so unwelcome.

Fake Relationship(s)

Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles An Hour - what_alchemy

Explicit. 30,568 words. 5 chapters.

“You love your mother, Sherlock?”

John watched the muscles in Sherlock’s jaw jump. He nodded in one sharp jerk.

“Then we’re going to her party and making her happy.” John let out a resigned sigh. “As a ruddy couple, you bastard.”

Reunited - write_for_your_life

Teen and up. 10,880 words. 11 chapters.

Sherlock wants to go to his high school reunion, but needs someone to pretend to be his spouse to attend.

His not-so-platonic flatmate is more than happy to play along.

Funny/Crack/Weird

Revolting Resolutions - PatPrecieux

Mature. 2,793 words. One-shot.

Resolutions for the new year are a good thing EXCEPT when Sherlock is the one making them.

Sherlock Discovers Smarter Investing - buttsnax

Explicit. 1,057 words. One-shot.

John is worried about his financial future, and why shouldn't he be? Like millions of others he finds the treacherous landscape of stocks, bonds, and mutual funds overwhelming to navigate. Fortunately for John, Sherlock--with the help of Morgan Stanley Financial Services--is there to show him the way in the only manner he knows how: with his big, throbbing cock.

The Newlywed Game: Johnlock Edition - patternofdefiance

Explicit. 9,020 words. 7 chapters.

What it says on the tin: John and Sherlock pretend to be married in order to be contestants in a Newlywed Game. Of course it's for a case. Of course it doesn't stay that way.

Survey Says - involuntaryorange

General audiences. 9,048 words. 9 chapters.

Sherlock, John, Mycroft, Lestrade, and Mrs. Hudson wind up competing as a team on Family Feud. Somehow.

Pranking Sherlock - Random_Nexus

General audiences. 600 words. One-shot.

Sherlock's rudeness about interruptions prompts a reprisal from John.

Dear Umbrella - Jberry

Explicit. 13,027 words. 63 chapters.

Mycroft Holmes has a crush on Greg Lestrade, but he thinks it won't be reciprocated. He joins an anonymous dating website. His handle is limo_to_the_prostate. He starts chatting with Umbrella. Not realizing that Umbrella is really Greg Lestrade.

Obvious; Or, Greg Lestrade is Good At Detecting and Has Five Pounds to One That Sherlock and John Will Shag - the_arc5

Teen and up. 2,269 words. One-shot.

Lestrade isn't the reasoning machine Sherlock is, but that doesn't mean he's blind. And it's obvious to him, if nobody else, that a certain dynamic duo could use a nudge in the right direction.

Boat Chase! - shamelessmash

General audiences. 14,347 words. 6 chapters.

Sherlock, John and Lestrade are on a case that lead them to Brooklyn, NY. Reluctantly, Sherlock accepts the 99th precincts offer to help with the legwork.

Welcome to this Sherlock/Brooklyn 99 crossover, where everyone ships Johnlock, and the case doesn't matter.

I Just Had Sex - pennydreadful

Teen and up. 916 words. One-shot.

Sherlock just had sex and he's going to make sure everyone knows.

He Who Watches - buttsnax

Not Rated. 4,272 words. One-shot.

"The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!" (Matthew 6:22-23)

Simplyclockwork note: this fic is WEIRD, and funny, and dark. 

Captain John Watson, Genetics, and Other Crazy Things - cyerus

Mature. 5,581 words. One-shot.

The explanation for John "Three Continents" Watson? Jack Harkness is his father.

Sherlock doesn't know whether he's going to die from jealousy or sexual frustration first.

Fluff

Five Times Sherlock Holmes and John Watson Hugged, and One Time They Didn’t - longwhitecoats

Unrated. 2,746 words. One-shot.

They're sitting in the living room one night after finishing their curry takeaway when Sherlock looks up from his violin. "John," he says, "would you come hug me, please?"

Quiet - orphaned_account

Teen and up. 4,026 words. One-shot.

"It all comes down to this. John knows Sherlock. Not in his details but in his entirety."

Bed-Sharing Between Flatmates - testosterone_tea

Teen and Up. 5,053 words. One-shot.

5 times Sherlock had an excuse to share John's bed, and the one time he didn't need one.

subtleties that we are not aware of - belovedmuerto

Teen and up. 1,657 words. One-shot.

The first time Sherlock kisses John; the first (and second) time(s) John kisses Sherlock.

But Love Is A Voice On The Wind - Snow

Mature. 1,832 words. One-shot.

From the prompt: Sherlock keeps getting texts from Mycroft with tips on wooing John.

"Take his arm. MH"/"Tell him about the sugar cubes. MH"/"Let him catch you looking once in a while. MH"

Sherlock resents this (I don't need your HELP, Mycroft), but does them anyway.

Other Pairings & M/M/M

Joltolock

Sherlock Holmes Has Two Soldier Boyfriends Series - greyscalemuse

Explicit. 56,632 words. 8 works.

Sherlock Holmes goes to Afghanistan for a case. He meets John and James for the first time and the sentiment of sparks flying is by far an understatement.

Soldier Sandwich - orphan_account

Explicit. 1,099 words. One-shot.

Joltolock is good and pure and we desperately need more of it!!

Morning Cardio: A Joltolock Workout - Smirkdoctor (orphan_account)

Explicit. 5,324 words. 3 chapters.

What if Sherlock Holmes stumbled onto a boot camp class being taught by the sexy-as-fuck couple of John Watson and James Sholto? And what if they wanted a third, and worked *really* hard to recruit their new student?

Happy Birthday, John - stravanganza 

Explicit. 9,350 words. One-shot.

It's John's birthday. His wife, Mary, has the perfect gift for him. After all, she has always known that his husband isn't 100% straight... So, she set up a fun night for him. "He still didn’t know how he had let Mary convince him to do this, without even speaking to him. Nor did he know how she had found out about his inner desires. But the fact remained that she had, and that she had decided to take advantage of it to ‘surprise’ John. And what a damn surprise it was."

Johnstrade

M/M/M

Self-Service - Calico

Explicit. 9,478 words. One-shot.

Gratuitous porn, remixed as a favour from another fandom's double penetration prompt. Yeah, I'm not sure what the redeeming feature is either...

Simplyclockwork note: Sherlock/John/Lestrade dream smut.

[britonell]

Bit more about Japanese culture and anime...

There was some interest after this Inuyasha post. Thought it would be cool to go more in-depth and relate it to anime, so next time you watch something you can go, “Oh yeah. That happens over there.”

No, THAT doesn’t happen in Japan.

As a word of caution: I grew up near Tokyo in the 90′s, when the economic bubble had burst but your average family didn’t feel the effects until later. Culture may have shifted slightly after the economic downturn (I know there’s a more nationalistic undertone now, like most of Asia), and everything I say will not apply to all of Japan. Places like Sapporo and Ōsaka have their own distinct cultures, like how New York and Texas are uniquely different.

But since most anime are set in or are geared towards the Tokyo crowd, I have a good idea of the cultural influences. Especially when relating it to Inuyasha, which was published and set in the 90′s (at least in Kagome’s modern time).

Memories~

Also, what I’m about to say below is about Japan (Tokyo). Please don’t start applying it to other countries in Asia, or you will be laughably misled.

Additionally, I’m not some researcher who did extensive study on my own culture. I’m just relating to y’all my background, experiences, and the little bit of knowledge I’ve gleaned from my memories of living there as a little girl, as well as from stories shared by my parents.

Suffice it to say, you should not cite me for your research paper.

You’re on your own, suckers!

I didn’t want to bother making multiple posts, so this is gonna be looooong. It’s not all roses either. If you have this fantastic, perfect vision of Japan, turn back now! You hear me?

Now then.

Are you ready, kids?

HERE. WE. GOOOOO!!!

When I was in Japan, public elementary schools still ran 6 days a week (half-days on Saturdays, when we did nothing productive). Now only some private schools run for 6 days. But what I remember is the nutritious lunches. They were definitely healthier than pizza. And we had to drink all. That. Damn. Milk.

Whoa. The bottle I had to finish was a little smaller than that.

Note: I know most Asians are lactose intolerant, but no classmate of mine ever got a stomachache. We definitely weren’t drinking soy milk. It could’ve been processed/long-life milk. I’ve heard people with lactose intolerance in Japan drinking milk just fine, but traveling to the US and symptoms showing up. Dunno what’s different between our milk supplies.

You’ll find teachers pushing kids to drink their milk. You got mocked by your classmates if you failed to finish your bottle or carton. Reason is, we just don’t get a lot of calcium in out diet, not like other countries. Osteoporosis is sort of accepted as an inevitability -- that’s why you see so many old men in anime who’re tiny or have a terrible hunchback. It’s an exaggeration of the truth.

Look at that little fella.

Moving on... Boundaries are EVERYTHING: Thanks to movies and shows, Japanese people are aware how people abroad like being physically close to one another in a public setting.

THAT SAID, if you and your spouse greet each other with a chaste kiss in front of a young Japanese woman, you’re gonna hear a high-pitched squeal or a giggle -- not out of disapproval, mind you. It’s just not something you see everyday in Japan. Older folks and men who’re too cool to care will just avert their gaze. Or laugh awkwardly.

Awkward laughing is our thing.

A possible reaction to public kissing, along with awkward laughing. Not for the hip and cool kids, though. They might whistle at you.

Japan has some clear social rules about what can be done in specific situations. At least, it’s clear to us. People visiting might get a serious whiplash.

Example: I remember there being a channel that ran news programs during the day. What I didn’t know at the time was that after 10 pm -- BAM, topless host of an erotic game show. It was the parents’ responsibility to make sure kids stayed away from certain channels at night.

Same for certain streets. Host club workers will entice young women on these streets to drink at their clubs, and they can do that because kids and families don’t use those streets.

Don’t let the anime fool you. A lot of host clubs are shady, like drugs-sex-yakuza-type shady...

However... there was that one time my dad thought it would be funny to bring my mom and I to take a walk down a certain street because he’s a cheeky bastard (I was like 4 years old). According to my dad, there was utter silence as host club workers immediately clammed up and averted their gaze. One person went up to my dad and asked him if we were lost.

Hilarious talking about it now. Highly questionable back then.

My dad has a strange sense of humor.

Oh, after-work drinking culture for office workers is another accepted oddity. Spouses are NOT invited. Some companies are strict about married couples not working in the same building. Bizarre, I know, but they really want to keep marital issues away from company grounds. Some private schools even have strict rules about dating, but I went to public school so I’ve got no personal stories about that.

Drinking with coworkers really is about networking and strengthening ties with coworkers, like in other countries, but in Japan you can easily find a CEO getting drunk and wearing his tie around his forehead and dancing with his shirt unbuttoned. Not joking.

Exaggeration of the truth. I say exaggeration because most office workers aren’t gonna be that good looking. Heh.

Despite most Japanese people suffering from alcohol flush reaction, drinking after work is part of the work culture. In the 90′s, if they missed the last train (trains don’t run 24/7) you used to see office workers sleeping in parks.

Note: Pickpocketing is still virtually nonexistent in most of Japan. There’s even a whole fashion trend of young men showing off the latest wallet design by letting it hang from their back pocket with a fancy chain.

I’ll be honest. I couldn’t find an appropriate gif.

Nowadays, there’s capsule hotels (pod hotels). They seem like a novelty to tourists, but in reality are used by office workers that stayed out too long and don’t want to spend money on taxis, because that shit is expensive...

...for a reason: Japanese taxis are really nice. The doors slightly swing open for you when the driver pushes a button.

Anyway, morning comes and the office workers take meds for the hangover and they’ll be back to their serious selves come workday.

Nothing to see here, get back to work.

Next, Japanese language: We’ve got a shit-ton of loanwords. Like, off the top of my head, I don’t know the Japanese word for bread. I always say “pan,” which is from Portuguese. Being an island nation, you can clearly track which word came from which traders and missionaries.

I was on the phone with my dad while writing this. He assured me there’s a Japanese word for bread. He couldn’t remember. Then told me to stop playing around, before saying he’s going back to his sitcom...thanks, dad.

“Cosplay,” coined in Japan during the 80′s, is the combination of the words “costume” and “play.” Even the word “anime” is from “animation,” and in Japan it means just that. I remember watching a movie review when I was a kid and the reviewer calling the foreign movie “a great anime.” It wasn’t a 2-D movie. I think it might’ve been A Bug’s Life, but I wasn’t interested so meh.

And the big anime eyes have Western influences too! The great Osamu Tezuka, the father of manga, was influenced by Disney and Betty Boop.

A modern version of Tezuka-sensei’s iconic Astro Boy.

We’ve been using words and phrases from other countries for ages. We literally say “Merry Christmas,” because wishing someone to have a good foreign holiday in Japanese is just a waste of time -- unless you’re really nationalistic and don’t want to use English words. There are people like that, some of them politicians. Ugh.

Sushi on Christmas? Eh, why not? Holidays like Valentine’s Day, Christmas, and Halloween were all introduced to Japan by corporations, anyway.

I was talking to an old Japanese friend, and she exclaimed “Sweet” in the middle of conversation, which made me pause (she never moved out of Japan). More English words have come into casual Japanese conversations since I left the country, and they’ve been sort of molded and melded to form new terms. Terms I find weird...and make me feel old.

Oh, another thing that seems to surprise a lot of people I’ve met: Japanese people sing Happy Birthday in English. No one I personally knew sang it in Japanese...I guess we collectively decided it sounded better in English? All I know is that, as a little girl, every time I went to a birthday party we sang it in English.

Asked my dad why we sing it in English. His response was basically, “Who cares?” Also, is anyone else getting a little hungry?

It’s not that weird of an idea...because of reasons. The first being birthdays weren’t that big of a deal for commoners until a certain time period (I want to say Edo period). People just kept track of the years, so it was as if everyone’s birthday was the first day of the new year/springtime.

Secondly, English is a mandatory class beginning as early as kindergarten. Don’t think we’re all bilingual, though. It’s English meant to pass tests. I will be the first to admit, we’re not linguists. We learn enough to say certain phrases.

Heh. Sleeping in class is an international trope.

Onto couples and what’s acceptable: If you spot your girlfriend holding another boy’s hand in public, even if it was to get up some slippery stairs, it would be understandable to get a tiny bit defensive. So all those anime guys with jealousy issues? Perhaps context would say they’re being reasonably miffed. Or not, it depends.

Is it an upstanding citizen helping your girlfriend? Relax, man. Is it a romantic rival who wants a chance to be physically close? CODE RED! CODE RED! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! BOUNDARIES HAVE BEEN CROSSED! I REPEAT!

BOUNDARIES. HAVE. BEEN. CROSSED.

Inuyasha’s half dog. He’s just being territorial! :P (Respecting boundaries was a bigger deal in the past, anyway.)

Other than couples-only events or somewhere only young adults roam, hand-holding is really the only way to publicly show your affection. Kissing a friend on the cheek? Unless you did that with every friend and you grew up in a different country, you’ll get some raised eyebrows.

Back pocket butt squeeze? Y-Y-YOU DEVIANT!

That’s pretty much fool-around-in-the-alleyway territory.

One of the few times boundaries can be crossed? The arts. Once you get into the entertainment industry, or become a TV personality or a comedian, suddenly there’s this invitation to do crazy shit.

The arts is where you let go and do all sorts of strange and wild things.

Laws have tightened since the 90′s--the comedians were REALLY out there back then--but even to this day our manga, anime, and TV shows can push the limits of our sensitivities. Movies can be crazy violent. Video games can be crazy perverted. Prank shows can be crazy outrageous.

It’s sort of our outlet.

Our insane, dirty, naughty outlet.

Japanese people aren’t that religious (yes, we’re transitioning from booty to faith): A lot of us put down Shinto or Buddhism or whatever on paper if asked, but only out of respect for our elders who really were practicing. These days, people will go ahead and have a Christian wedding and then have a Buddhist funeral.

I’m not kidding here.

Cardcaptor Sakura!? ...I’ve actually seen weirder.

Despite the up to date youth, past beliefs and ideas are still deeply rooted in our culture (like saying “See you in the next life,” even if you don’t really care about the validity of reincarnation), so people can still be superstitious without belonging to a religious organization...and discrimination against females at the workplace and homophobia can be worse than in other developed countries.

The truth is our culture isn’t perfect.

I’m sorry, but it’s true.

So it’s understandable that people would be confused by the conservative behavior of Japanese people, because our media would suggest the complete opposite. In public, we keep to our boundaries, from combination of culture and lack of physical space.

You know those face masks people in Asia seem to wear all the time? In Japan, the ill wear those out of necessity in the city. Grueling work culture demands we work even while sick (unless you physically can’t get up). Cities are crowded, we’re stacked on top of one another in tiny apartments, but most jobs are in cities so we’ve got no choice but to cover our sneezes and coughs with masks as we squeeze into really, really crowded trains.

Good luck getting a seat during rush hour! You know what, good luck getting room to breathe.

Speaking of work culture: Customer service...best in the world, even the government employees are polite and prompt. I’ve lived in a couple of countries, and there’s no comparison. Pay for these Japanese workers isn’t that great and there’s no incentives like tips, it’s just that their standards are way higher. To a fault. “The customer is always right” is taken to a ridiculous level.  

My dad remembers a news story about a waiter that politely quit after he was verbally skewered to tears by a customer, patiently waited outside until the customer exited, and then ambushed him with a bat. The typical reaction to the news story? "About time.”

Yay, violence!

I know working in customer service in the US can be brutal. The difference that makes it worse in Japan is there’s this widespread cultural expectation for workers to bow and apologize for everything no matter what, because service workers must be humble first and foremost, which is as humiliating and emotionally taxing as you can imagine.

The waiters of a typical restaurant in Japan aren’t even allowed to be sarcastic or cheeky to a rude customer, like snidely say, “I hope your day is as pleasant as you are,” because that could get them in trouble. They could even get in trouble for not smiling enough, or not being as eloquent as possible, or not wearing their uniform perfectly...

And these are considered “reasonable” demands from the manager!

“Grin and bear it” takes on a whole new meaning in Japan.

Our petty crimes are infrequent. Since our housewives are such busybodies, police get plenty of tattletales. But, like in a lot of countries, there’s under-reporting of certain crimes--sexual assaults--due to shame and whatnot. Stuff like train groping? Probably a combination of repressed desires, predators taking advantage of the under-reporting, and the submissive personalities commonly found in Japanese women.

We’re really good about returning lost property, however. It’s like our pride forces us to do so. Giving change someone left in a vending machine to the neighborhood police station as lost property is pretty much the first thing we learn in kindergarten, along with proper hand-washing.

My dad went back to visit Japan in 2015, and saw a man pick up and pocket currency someone ahead of him dropped at a bus stop. Dad’s reaction to this: “Society has fallen.” I tend to agree.

The few homicides that occur aren’t brought on by something like road rage, but more along the lines of crimes committed by repressed people with long-held, festering grudges that snapped, like the abused waiter. Or something really elaborate, like a yakuza cover-up. Either way, it can get really heinous.

Don’t let Detective Conan fool you. Ours murders aren’t that numerous. Or fun to solve.

Why do we snap? We have this culture of holding things in; gaman, which means to endure. It’s supposed to make you patient and persevere, thus negating entitlement, but I can say with certainty there’s too much of it (except in our politics), and it’s bad for our mental and physical health, e.g. our ridiculously grueling work culture and possibly snapping like that waiter.

Our subcultures (cosplay, anime) can be fun and neat. Our main culture, not so much. It’s only in specific events and areas of Japan, like cons and Harajuku, where you won’t be judged for being out there and letting loose.

I mean, we’ve got problems with shut-ins for a reason.

On a more lighter note...hot springs!

There used to be a lot more volcanic activity in Japan (smoke used to spew out of Mt. Fuji).

Natural hot springs birthed a particular bathing habit that we follow to this day, even at our own homes -- we prepare first by showering and cleansing ourselves, and then get into our boiling bathtub to relax our muscles.

In the past, travelers were essentially sharing the natural hot springs, so it was a no-brainer that they would try to get clean before getting in. Habits stuck, I guess. Of course, it’s less true for those living in tiny apartments without bathtubs. A modern travesty, really.

Even our monkeys love ‘em!

...if you’re curious about the monkeys: We have wild snow monkeys all over Japan that bathe in natural hot springs. There’s a national park famous for them. Japan also has islands full of cats, an island full of rabbits, and a public park full of deer too.

Something neat to end the post: It can be fun shopping at their flea markets and bazaars (we really call them that, yay loanwords). Japanese people are really, really great at taking care of their belongings, as evidenced by their temples and shrines. Hand-me-downs and used objects may be resold in their original packaging--that’s how well cared for they are.

Most of the city streets are clean too. Unless it’s festival time~

Went ahead and asked my dad why so many in Japan keep the original packaging. “Dunno. Habit?” he said. Then he went to eat some sunflower seeds. Helpful, dad. Helpful.

[angeltriestoblog]

I watched a couple of movies! (Part 1)

Back when I regularly had the luxury of long breaks, I spent my days binge-watching films, as you can see from my extensive knowledge of 80s chick flicks and all the cheesy tropes and disgustingly adorable, predominantly white leading men that come with them. Sadly, a side effect of growing older in the digital age seemed to be the diminishment of my attention span: the only things I could focus on were academic requirements, simply because I had to. But, thanks to several factors—the suspension of online classes, the sudden annoyance I developed towards Barney Stinson that prompted me to discontinue How I Met Your Mother, etc.—I decided it was high time to rekindle this lost love. So, here is an unsolicited review of the 17 films I managed to finish in a little over a week! Rest assured, I tried my best to venture out of familiar territory and brush up on some of the more cultured picks, according to Letterboxd, at least.

Bar Boys (2017, dir. Kip Oebanda) ★★★

The film that kickstarted everything, which I never would have seen if the director had not uploaded the full version on YouTube. This well-meaning tale of four best friends (Carlo Aquino, Rocco Nacino, Enzo Pineda, and Kean Cipriano) and the challenges they face in law school—terror professors, fraternities, and financial difficulties included—does have a lot of heart, and is sensitive enough to show how the effect of this experience differs depending on a student's background. But, what it lacked for me was a certain degree of specificity: I think the same premise would have been applicable in med school, or any other post-graduate degree for that matter. So, why did the characters choose law? I also would have appreciated some commentary on the shortcomings of the country’s justice system, and further fleshing out of the characters so the audience could have seen why we could count on them to fill in the gaps.

Legally Blonde (2001, dir. Robert Luketic) ★★★½

The rating might be surprising, considering that the courtroom scene was responsible for the short law school phase I had in Grade 5. As if I could ever make use of the rules of haircare in an actual cross-examination. Of course, I am compelled to admire Elle (Reese Witherspoon) and how her motivations for going to Harvard shift from winning back a boy to discovering what she never knew she had and using these gifts to help those around her (especially the manicurist, who I feel was given way more exposure than what was due to her). Ultimately, though it was inspirational at some points, it felt too good to be true and impossible to relate to. (But then again, shouldn’t there be a willing suspension of disbelief when consuming forms of media such as this?)

Lady Bird (2017, dir. Greta Gerwig) ★★★★★

I’ll probably end up making a separate post dedicated to this movie and how it singlehandedly called me out, as a sensitive, occasionally self-important product of an all-girls Catholic high school. For now, I am forced to condense my overflowing feelings into a couple of sentences. Lady Bird takes place over the course of the titular character's senior year, a pivotal moment in the lives of all teenagers. But, instead of focusing solely on the formulaic firsts like the normal coming-of-age film would, it shines a light on her dwindling relationship with her equally strong-willed mother. Saoirse Ronan’s colorful performance as the human embodiment of my pre-teen self's conscience, and Greta Gerwig’s tremendous ability to make even oddly specific scenes speak to any viewer shine through and speak to me the most, and easily make this gem something I will be recommending this to anyone who bothers to ask for as long as I live.

Bohemian Rhapsody (2018, dir. Bryan Singer) ★★★

There’s a lot of controversy surrounding Bo Rhap, particularly its failure to portray Freddie Mercury in a manner that does him justice. While I understand that it is a valid concern for fans of the band, I admit I don’t know enough about who he was as a person to criticize the film in this aspect. Regardless of its factuality, this still was just average for me, the typical rise-and-fall type of biopic that is indicative of a rockstar’s legacy, but with laughably faulty editing. The redeeming factors were Rami Malek’s brilliant portrayal of the legend himself—his Live Aid performance gave me chills that lasted the entire 20 minutes, how alarming—and, obviously, the soundtrack that I kept on loop for several days.

About Time (2013, dir. Richard Curtis) ★

Apparently, this movie focuses on Tim (Domhnall Gleeson), who discovers at age 21 that the men in his family have the power to time-travel and thus revise and repair certain parts of their lives. He uses this to address the fact that he’s never had a girlfriend, and effectively so as he ends up bagging Mary (Rachel McAdams), a charming American who is the settler in this relationship by default. But, of course, this gift is not without its dire consequences—or at least, that’s what it says on Wikipedia. It’s hard to trash on this and admit that I bailed halfway because so many of my friends swear by this. But, I just couldn’t stomach the lack of chemistry between the two leads; the surprisingly boring dialogue for a screenplay crafted by Richard Curtis of Notting Hill fame; and the story that, although bore enough of a resemblance to “The Time Traveler’s Wife” to be interesting, was still not powerful enough to sustain my attention.

Your Name (2016, dir. Makoto Shinkai) ★★★★★

I’m a huge fan of plots that are sure to make my eyes swell and heart hurt—I can’t explain the psychology behind this either. So when this was recommended to me and I had made it through an hour without shedding a single tear, I was prepared to be disappointed. But, the events leading up to the conclusion proceeded to rip me into shreds, as if to taunt me and say, “You asked for it.” Mitsuha (Mone Kamishiraishi) and Taki (Ryunosuke Kamiki), teenagers living on opposite sides of the country, suddenly start switching bodies following the appearance of a comet. This unexplainable phenomenon causes them to forge an unbreakable bond that transcends the very limits of time and space. I know the description is not much, but it’s best to experience this unique plot for yourself. Besides its storyline, its charm lies in its excruciating attention to detail in depicting life in urban and rural Japan, both in the realistic animation of one picturesque scene after another, and the use of cultural elements to arrive at a twist viewers will not see coming.

Booksmart (2019, dir. Olivia Wilde) ★★★★½

I can't summarize what I imagine Booksmart to be for teenagers in the future, so here's an entire scenario: It's the year 2070. Two young girls of around 16 are sprawled on their bedroom floor, watching this on whatever device they use for streaming. (Maybe it's from an LCD projector embedded in their foreheads, who knows.) The credits roll, and they instantly think to themselves, "Man, we were born in the wrong generation!" (They simultaneously think of doing a high-five, and without raising their hands themselves, it happens because that's technology.) Anyway, Amy (Kaitlyn Dever) and Molly (Beanie Feldstein) are best friends who played by the rules all throughout high school and realized too late that they could’ve afforded to have a little more fun. On the eve of their graduation, they decide to cram four years’ worth of adventure in a single unpredictable and outrageous night, getting to grips with everything that comes their way in an exceedingly comedic yet refreshing fashion. Also, the protagonists have such a genuine and wholesome relationship: the way they hyped up their most ridiculous looking outfits, or overshared borderline uncomfortable stories is honestly my personal definition of an ideal friendship.

When Harry Met Sally (1989, dir. Rob Reiner) ★★★★½

Despite this film’s constant presence in every “chick flicks you must watch” list I’ve bothered searching up, I spent a huge chunk of my teen years in constant protest against the decision to cast Billy Crystal as the male lead instead of, I don’t know, literally any other actor on the planet. But, once I finished it, I realized that he’s a much better fit than I thought. The laidback Harry to Meg Ryan’s finicky Sally, both of them spare no effort exploring and debunking truths and misconceptions about modern relationships: examples of which are the idea of being high maintenance, and the quintessential question of whether a guy and girl can ever be just friends. Although their dynamic is the definition of slow burn, audiences can’t help but earnestly root for the pair—the frustration brought by the several almosts pay off in the end, as they lead to one of, if not, the most romantic love confession scene.

Hintayan ng Langit (2018, dir. Dan Villegas) ★★★★½

This tale adapted from a play by no less than Juan Miguel Severo is set in purgatory—a grandiose art museum-four star hotel hybrid of sorts—where souls can stop and rest while their papers for entry to heaven are being processed. It is here we meet Manolo (Eddie Garcia) and Lisang (Gina Pareno), ex-lovers with unfinished business. Things admittedly start off a bit slow, but it's understandable since there needs to be ample provision of context regarding the standard operating procedures of this unique waiting area. Once that’s done, the focus stays on the main actors, who drive audiences to tears with their powerful performances, and thought-provoking questions on matters of betrayal, forgiveness, and the afterlife. The ending had me rocking back and forth like a baby, my shirt soaked with tears, so do take heed and stock up on tissues!

The Social Network (2010, dir. David Fincher) ★★★★★

Within its packed first 15 minutes alone, you can easily see what makes The Social Network an example of cinema at its finest: an intoxicated Mark Zuckerberg (Jesse Eisenberg) hacks into the websites of all Harvard dorms to create Facebook’s oldest ancestor from scratch, in an attempt to get back at his ex-girlfriend. The atmosphere is tense, the dialogue is loaded with witty one-liners and powerful insight, and the actors are so in touch with their characters they practically fuse into a single person. This remains consistent for the next two hours or so, making for an enjoyable and fast-paced, yet still informative glimpse into the human side of what is arguable the most powerful company of this era. I also heard that it’s much more fun if seen with the cast commentary on, so I’m gonna have to find a copy of that for myself!

Pretty in Pink (1986, dir. Howard Deutch) ★★★★★

I’m cheating here, I know: this has been a long-time favorite, but I guess I can still give a review if I was still 15 when I last saw this. Andie (Molly Ringwald) and Blane (Andrew McCarthy)’s classic “poor girl + rich boy = happily ever after” story is masterfully tackled by John Hughes, who manages to inject equal amounts of swoon-worthy romance and biting criticism of the inherent class divide in society. Others would argue that Duckie (Jon Cryer), Andie’s devoted best friend, is the true star of the show, and while I do agree that he has his shining moments (if you listen closely, you can hear Try A Little Tenderness playing softly in the background), I sadly inherited my mother’s adoration for Andrew, which I will pass on to my child and so on—truly the defining characteristic of our lineage.

St. Elmo’s Fire (1985, dir. Joel Schumacher) ½

I understand that being an adult in the Real World is bound to come with some grave mistakes and lapses in judgment. But, not a single character in this friend group redeems themselves by the end. While Ally Sheedy’s Leslie and Mare Winningham’s Wendy were just borderline forgettable (why did the latter even end up here with the Brat Pack?), Judd Nelson’s Alec cheats on his girlfriend and believes that marriage is what will make him change his ways; Rob Lowe’s Billy neglects the family he didn’t plan on having by fooling around with other women and making a home out of his favorite bar; Demi Moore’s Jules relies on cocaine and extramarital affairs to hide trauma she refuses to process, and Andrew McCarthy’s pretentiously cynical Kevin suddenly claims he knows what love is when Leslie pays attention to him for 10 minutes. But, none of them compare to Emilio Estevez’ Kirby, the sociopath obsessed with a girl he barely knows. It honestly resembles some sick contest of how many problems this gang can cause before they end up behind bars, with the last scene being a lazy and rushed attempt to wrap everything up, in the name of this surface-level “friendship”.

Before Sunrise, Sunset, and Midnight (1995, 2004, 2013; dir. Richard Linklater) ★★★★★

Guess it’s better to admit it now, but I made this post as an excuse to rave about how beautiful this trilogy is, the most authentic depiction of love in its purest form. Sunrise has been recommended to me by both friends and the Netflix algorithm, but I put off watching it again and again and again. I mean, what could I possibly get out of looking at two strangers roam around Vienna? Well, to answer that question: quite a lot. Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Celine (Julie Delpy)’s relationship spans an entire trilogy, and throughout that period, they manage to define then destroy the idea of having a soulmate to call your own in approximately six hours. But certain constancies are present in each movie: the emotion intense even in the smallest of gestures (you don't understand the anguish I feel when the scene at the listening booth randomly pops in my head), the dialogue truly thought-provoking and natural, the settings so picturesque, and the chemistry of the actors so electric I have trouble believing that the director didn’t actually invade the personal space of a real couple and eventually get issued a restraining order.

High Fidelity (2000, dir. Stephen Frears) ★★

I’d like to think of this as an essay: I'm confident that the introduction is the protagonist Rob's soliloquy on his five biggest breakups to understand why he’s so flawed that everyone always leaves him, and the conclusion his attempt to win his ex Laura (Iben Hjejle) back. But as for the body, I’m not entirely sure. Interspersed between these moments are thoughtful top five lists of anything that can be enumerated, and occasional banter with the employees at his record store that may be charming, but do not enhance the film in any way, shape, or form for me. Also, I normally enjoy seeing John Cusack onscreen, but more often than not, he was nagging in front of the camera instead of talking to the people around him; no wonder his relationships failed!

Scott Pilgrim vs the World (2010, dir. Edgar Wright) ★★★

I wanted to enjoy this so bad, I swear! Sadly, the one thing I gained after seeing this is knowledge of where the “I’m So Sad, So Very Very Sad” meme came from. I get that it’s supposed to resemble a comic book or video game, and maybe the reason why I failed to appreciate this as much is because I was never a fan of either. I found the prolonged action scenes surprisingly boring, the storyline too fantastic, and the whole quest of having to defeat seven monstrous exes for the hand of a manic pixie dream girl not worth it in the end. Although I can’t give it less than three stars given its impressive visual effects, and appeal to the entire Tumblr community (gamers on one end, millennial film connoisseurs on the other), it’s definitely not something I would watch a second time.

There will surely be more where that came from! (I mean it. Since completing this post, I’ve finished another five films.) If you wanna keep tabs on what I’m watching without having to wait on another post, you can give my Letterboxd a follow. Wishing you love and light always, and don’t forget to wash your hands and pray for our frontliners!

[heartoftheveil-blog]

Elena and Hercules for the baby meme!

OKAY SO STORY TIME LMAO

@gothedistance-herc

🌱- When is their birthday? Where were they born? What was the time of day? // 🔠- Who named them? What does their name mean?

So, Elena is very much about a big-ish family, and since the future of her kingdom relies on her having babies, she’d want to make sure that no matter w h a t could happen, one of her children would be next to rule Avalor. Abdications, controversies making them fall out of public favor to rule, etc. And she’d want an even number of kids so that if they pair up, nobody is lonely.

They’d probably have their first in Swynlake BEYOND unplanned, and before they’re married, which would later cause some #scandal when Elena returns to free Avalor. It’s unheard of for a queen to have a child out of wedlock, because it’s still looked down on for Avaloran nobility. But, Elena’s like “lol I’m queen, I do what I want including have Sin Babies with my hot boyfriend.”

But they’d eventually get married to do things the “right” way. Like her mother, she’d add Herc’s last name to hers and her kids would have the father’s surname first legally, but because they’re the Flores royal family, they’d be FIRST NAME HERE Flores in print always.

Avaloran nobility naming customs also usually include all siblings of the same assigned binary gender sharing a First Name, followed by their Given Name (the name they use) and typically a TON of middle names for royalty. For sake of time, I’ll only include the First Name, Given Name, and 2 middle names per Herlena baby, but just know that Elena has 5 middle names so the kids probably do too.

I’m just gonna make up a timeline for this AU lmao so. If it’s 2017 in canon, let’s say that in two more years and some months’ change (early 2020), Elena has her first baby. A few months later, Elena frees Avalor from Shuriki’s grasp (mid-2020) and Elena is 25. A few months later she married Herc in a fancy royal wedding in Avalor (when Elena’s 26, March 2021).

I can kiiiinda see Herc being okay with a lot of kids, provided he’s learned to control his strength at this AU point, but I can’t imagine Herc would be too cool with them being back-to-back though, even though Elena kinda would want them to be. She wants them closer together than she and Isabel. He’d probably go for “look as long as there aren’t a million infants around at once.” Elena probably convinces him “what about we try to have them in pairs?” Two within a few years of each other, pause, two more, pause, etc until either she hits menopause or Herc puts his foot down and is like “no more,” whichever happens first. So it probably would look like this:

1st - their first child and first daughter, Paloma Liliosa “Lili” Anaxandra Luisa Persaud Flores, was born at Swynlake Hospital on January 16th, 2020, at 1:30 PM. Her labor with Lili lasted about thirteen hours, which is kind of average for a first delivery. Naming the little princess was a team effort. Paloma, meaning dove, was one of Herc’s favorite Spanish names. He liked doves. Doves were beautiful and peaceful and hopeful. He couldn’t think of anything finer as a namesake for his daughter - and any other daughters he may have as per Avaloran naming custom. Liliosa is an archaic Spanish name that Elena just really liked. Anaxandra is the name of an Ancient Greek artist. Luisa is Elena’s grandmother’s name.

For months following Lili’s birth, Hercules was a ball of anxiety when it came to touching the baby. Though his control over his strength had improved drastically over the past two years, it was by no means perfect. Nowhere near perfect enough to hold his tiny, very breakable, very delicate infant. He barely trusted himself to touch Elena sometimes.

(In fact, he’s pretty sure that the, uh...time between the sheets when Lili was conceived, he’d given Elena a pretty nasty bruise on her waist just because he kind of lazily held a hand there for a bit while she kinda did her thing on top. At that point, he’d only felt confident enough that he wouldn’t hurt her for them to have sex a handful of times. He must have been feeling too damn confident if he forgot a condom.)

Herc wanted to hold Lili more but he was always, always afraid he’d hurt her. The closest her ever really got to holding his daughter those first few months was slipping an arm around around Elena’s shoulders while she leaned into his chest with Lili in her arms. Elena understood. For the most part. But Herc’s fear of breaking her meant that most everything was entirely up to her despite her boyfriend - the baby’s father - being right there. It wore on her, and he could tell, and the fact that she kept not going off on him for it made him feel even worse than if she did go off on him. She kept telling him he was such a loving father, that Lili was lucky to him, all of this stuff and it just. Kinda hurt. Because it wasn’t fair that Lili was stuck with a father who couldn’t even /hold/ her, couldn’t even change her diaper for fear of breaking her. So he promised himself that before Elena returned to Avalor to overthrow the sorcerer, he’d learn to hold Lili. The first photograph Avalor would see of their Queen, her man, and their baby (which fucking terrified him, knowing that he was soon going to be an actual Queen’s, er...lover?), would be their Queen looking strong and victorious, and her baby in Herc’s arms, sharing in the responsibility so Elena could prioritize rebuilding her kingdom.

And you know? He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he cried a little the first time he was able to cuddle his daughter close to his chest, when she cooed at him and smiled the way he’d seen her do to Elena hundreds of times, as if she’d been getting the snuggle treatment from him all along. The amount of love he felt for her as he kissed her warm little forehead was overwhelming, as it truly hit him that this was his little girl, half him, and that he was responsible for her. That he wouldn’t hurt her, that he had to protect her. And, he decided, her mother. He’d turned to her and “marry me” slipped out in a whisper before he could register it happening.

2nd - their first son, Teófilo Arián Helios Raul Persaud Flores, was born on February 3rd, 2022, a hospital birth, (and another surprise conception, smh) but the epidural didn’t work and Elena was like “Well fuck, I may as well have had the birth at home Jesus fuck.” She was in labor with their second, a boy, for 25 hours from the start of the first strong pains. At first she wanted it drug free because she felt like she was so out of it with Lili, but around hour fifteen she hissed at Herc, “Give me the drugs. Get me the goddamn drugs or I swear to god Hercules Persaud, you will become best friends with your right hand because I will never have sex with you again!” so they started her off on pain meds, then a couple hours later when she was dilated enough for the epidural they gave it to her. But it didn’t work. Their son was born at 10:22 AM. Naming him was a bit of a team effort. Elena chose his - and any other sons’ they may have - first name. Teófilo comes from the Biblical Theophilius (which is funny, since Elena isn’t at all religious) meaning “Love of God” or “Friend of God.” Arián is a Spanish-language name related to Italian Ariano, or Ariàn in Ferrara dialect, which occurs very rarely and might be a misspelling for Adrián. It’s used as a “modern” or “trendy” name in Spanish speaking countries, and while such a name isn’t expected of royalty, Elena really liked it and so did Herc. Helios was chosen by Herc, to match his name. Helios is the Greek god of the sun. Raul was the name of Elena’s deceased father.

Elena tore like mad with their first one, he was a big baby at 10 whole pounds, and though the pain meds in the following days worked she was still in a LOT of pain. She had postpartum depression that set in almost immediately, crying whenever she “had to” hold her baby, almost resenting him for the pain she was still in, but feeling so guilty because she wanted to bond with him and love him the way she’d immediately bonded with Lili, and Herc was so worried about having kids and SHE’S the one who promised him it’d be okay and - and she just felt. So. Awful. But she quickly accepted she needed help and with medication, therapy, and support from Herc and the rest of her family, she got through it and soon enough fell in love with baby Arián.

Hercules almost refused to ever chance getting Elena pregnant again because he felt so guilty about the amount of physical, mental, and emotional pain she went through for Arián, like it was entirely his fault. It killed poor, sweet Hercules to see his dear sunshiney wife like that and he didn’t want to chance making her that miserable again. But it also really hurt him, the entire situation. He’d never say this to Elena, but he lamented to Peg when they came to visit to meet their best friend’s newest baby, “Peg, I don’t think I can do this. What if Elena never gets better and I have to be Arián’s only caretaker? And Lili. Elena can barely look at Lili anymore either. I’m scared. I barely even recognize my own wife, Peg. My wife is sunshine personified and I took all the joy out of her.”

Elena’s baby fever was strong though, and eventually it spread to her husband, so Herc was like “cool, let’s try for the third” and so they tried for a baby, but Fertile Myrtle Elena over here with her Super Uterus made sure the “trying” process wasn’t too long.

3rd - their second daughter, Paloma Ainara Hypatia Lucia Persaud Flores, was born August 20th, 2024, two years after her older brother, at 4:20 AM. Ainara was accidentally a home birth because Elena’s labor with her was surprisingly speedy. She started to feel minor contractions at around 10 PM the previous night, but went to bed because she figured she should sleep some, and if they got worse the pain would wake her. Well, the pain did wake her at around 3:00 AM, but they still weren’t bad enough that Elena wanted to rush to the hospital. She woke Herc up and told him to phone the hospital, that they’d be coming shortly, and she hopped in the shower to shave her legs. For some reason, it bothered her that the doctor delivering her baby might see her hairy legs. At 3:30 AM, she got out of the shower, threw some clothes on, and gathered a makeup bag with the items needed for the exact look she wanted to go for when the cameras would surely come into the room shortly after the birth, just like with Arián. At 3:50 AM, her contractions suddenly became excruciating as her labor sped up drastically. Luckily, Hercules had insisted that as her due date approached, the castle staff a doctor on site. Good thing, too, because there was no getting her to the hospital on time that wouldn’t guarantee their baby wouldn’t be born in a car, so. Ainara’s birth was beyond smooth, much to her parents’ relief.

Ainara is a name from the Basque word “enara”, meaning “a swallow.” Dove swallow - something Elena after the fact said they probably shouldn’t have done, and Ainara DID sound similar to Arián, but...they liked the name. Hypatia, Hercules chose, after Hypatia of Alexandria, who was a Greek mathematician, astronomer, inventor, and philosopher in Egypt, then a part of the Eastern Roman Empire. She was the head of the Neoplatonic school at Alexandria, where she taught philosophy and astronomy. Lucia was after Elena’s deceased mother.

Elena had a mild case of the baby blues the week or so following Ainara’s birth, but nothing like the serious depression following Arián’s birth. Herc was just as relieved as Elena was about that. As a father he was thrilled that his son and older daughter seemed to take to Ainara immediately.

Herc’s never stayed in one place too long, though. And while he would never. Ever. Never ever dream of ditching his wife and beautiful babies in Avalor, he and Elena always planned for him to start doing some work abroad and to spend some time traveling out of Avalor. While he was home with Elena and the kids much of the year, he spent a cumulative time of 2-4 months away annually depending on the year. Though neeeeever consecutively.

Leading up to one of these separations, Elena and Herc shared a very...passionate farewell, which resulted in Elena telling him over the phone she was pregnant the fourth time. They were joined by their twins four years after Ainara.

4th & 5th [bc why not but also twins run in Elena’s family] - Paloma Inez Aesara Noemí Persaud Flores, born December 31st, 2028 11:58 PM and Teófilo Emmanuel “Meme” Lucian Esteban Persaud Flores, born January 1st at 12:02 AM, 2029, 4 years after Ainara’s birth.

Elena was 34 when she had the twins. Inez was named for a Greek poet and her friend Naomi, and Meme was named for a Greek Satirist and her cousin Esteban.

Their sixth and final baby was probably the biggest surprise of all, because number 6 was actually conceived while Elena was actively on birth control, having abandoned her wild idea of “must have an even number.” When Elena was approaching 39, five years after the twins were born and biggest age gap between any of her six children, their fourth daughter was born.

6h - Paloma Martina Arimneste Francisca Persaud Flores, May 27th, 2034, at 7:15 PM. Martina was a surprise, but she absolutely lit up Herc and Elena’s lives. They were pushing 40, and to be honest...it was nice having a child so much younger than the rest, because she was still cuddly and very much a Mommy and Daddy’s girl long after the twins hit their “don’t let my friends see you, it’s embarrassing” stage. Martina was named for Aristotle’s sister, and Francisco, Elena’s grandfather.

So to recap:

Princess Lili - January 16th, 2020

Prince Arián - February 3rd, 2022

Princess Ainara - August 20th, 2024

Princess Inez - December 31st, 2028

Prince Meme - January 1st at 12:02 AM, 2029

Princess Martina -  May 27th, 2034

💤- Was it difficult to get them to fall asleep at night?

Lili - Went to sleep easily at first, but after a few weeks she’d keep Elena and Herc up a lot. When she was first born, they weren’t reeeeally living together. Not because anything was wrong, but because Elena was so close to going to Avalor to fight Shuriki, it was pointless to get an apartment together. So Herc would almost every night sleep at Elena and Isabel’s apartment. Sometimes Elena and the baby would sleep at Herc and Peg’s place, but Peg once threatened to “drop kick that thing if it can’t bloody shut up” so...only sometimes. It was after a particularly sleep deprived few days that Herc was able to hold Lili. It broke his heart when Elena cried begging Lili to go to sleep the night before. After he was able to hold her, Lili still woke up a lot throughout the night, but Elena didn’t always have to get up every time. By the time her brother was born, she slept fine, though.

Arián - was difficult to get to sleep for the first three months, but he’d usually sleep for a solid 4 hours, wake Mom and Dad up, then sleep at least another solid hour, wake mom and dad up. At around 5 months, he was easier to get to sleep but he’d wake up 1-3 times a night for sure every night. When he hit 11 months, he’d usually sleep through the night.

Ainara - was an angel. She almost always slept through the night!

Inez- fell asleep easy and stayed asleep easy, but if she wasn’t in deep enough sleep and Meme was screaming she’d wake up and join him.

Meme- a pain in the ass, lmao. They quickly have the twins separate nurseries because of how often Meme would wake Inez.

Martina - she slept easy and well for the first three months. Four to five months she was a little cranky but as baby six, nothing was new. From then on she slept okay unless she was teething.

🌀- Were they a social, giggly baby? Or were they a shy baby who did not like forced socialization?

Lili - Their oldest was absolutely a people person from day one. She loved being held by literally anybody and when she was old enough to really see, she’s stare at and smile at anybody. And whenever they took her out to eat as a toddler she’s always whirl around in her high chair and be like “hiiiii” to whoever walked by.

Arián - while he wasn’t super shy, he wasn’t quite as friendly as Lili. Arián was very much a Mommy’s boy and he didn’t like to be held by anybody but his parents unless he could see Elena.

Ainara - The shiest of the six Persaud Flores children. She didn’t mind being held by randos as an infant, but when she was old enough to realize that Mami and Daddy were leaving her with someone else and going to be gone a while, she’d run after them and usually smack into the closed door. She didn’t like strangers and would bury her face into Elena or Herc’s shoulder. When she was old enough to speak, if Elena was getting dangerously close to introducing her to a stranger, she’d cry and stretch her arms to Herc and cry “Daddy, take! Take ‘Nawa!”

Inez- the oldest of the twins was pretty social. She’d giggle and smile at most people.

Meme- The most likely to wander off with a stranger tbh. It was very hard to teach him stranger danger, Meme would always run up to randos and try to start a conversation as a little boy.

Martina - She was pretty shy. Very much a Daddy’s girl and while she’d smile and giggle as a baby at people, when she she was old enough to walk and stuff she’d only go to new people if Herc coaxed her into it, told her to go ahead.

🍳- What is their favorite childhood dish?

Lili - She was the most adventurous eater and preferred never to have the same thing too often, even as a small child. If she had peas last night, she’d adamantly insist “No peas!” but a few days later she’d be fine with peas again.

Arián - He was a very picky eater, and he went three whole weeks refusing to eat anything unless chicken was on the plate. Arián would eat anything if you told him there was chicken in it.

Ainara - When she realized meat came from animals, she became a vegetarian at age four. For protein, Elena and Herc explained to her what food she needs to eat a lot of instead. Ainara’s favorite thing ever became peanuts. Boiled peanuts, peanut satay sauce, peanut butter, you name it.

Inez- Her favorite thing to eat was toast with a dippy egg, and when she was old enough to use a stove she’d often go make herself one in the morning and forgo the nice meal the staff prepared.

Meme- He had the worst sweet tooth of all! Meme would cry whenever he was denied cakes and cookies, Herc and Elena had to keep the sweets hidden until he learned to obediently not take sweets without asking.

Martina - Sandwiches. You could trick little Martina into eating anything if you presented it in sandwich form.

🐻- Did they have a favorite teddy bear/stuffed animal?

Lili - her favorite stuffed animal was a hammerhead shark Mateo had gotten for her

Arián - no, he never took to anything particular

Ainara - yes, an anteater her Papá had given her when she was three

Inez- a stuffed dragon

Meme- Meme was a basic bitch, he had a beloved teddy

Martina - her favorite stuffed animal was a red panda

🏡- What kind of environment did they grow up in? Was it in a rural or farmlike home? Or did they grow up in the cities? Or were they a small town/suburban child?

The kids grew up in the palace in Avalor, like Elena did. Herc was waaaaay out of place there at first, and it was obvious, but Elena never tried to push him further into the public limelight than he would just naturally be as her husband. And she didn’t want pressure from the Avaloran public to put a strain on his life, their children’s lives, and their marriage, so she issued a statement regarding how she would like the press and the public to treat her marriage. She’d publically stated “My husband is a private man, please treat him as such. Hercules is a good man, and I will not stifle press freedom to gossip as they wish about how ‘improper’ the Queen’s man is, but I’m going to ask kindly that the media refrain from treating him like you do the rest of the royal family and the political citizens. My husband is not a member of Avaloran nobility. He is not a politician. Hercules studied art history at Sarah Lawrence, not political science, not law, and not business management. Nothing about him has ever been meant for public consumption. I met him when I was in hiding in a small town in England. It’s not his fault he loves me, I wouldn’t leave him alone so he didn’t have much of a choice. He is a wonderful husband to me, and father to our [at the time the statement was made] two children, and I can promise you that the next ruler of Avalor is growing up well with him as their parent. There are more important topics to discuss than my husband’s social status, so I ask that you please respect my husband’s privacy.”

For the most part, Avaloran media obliged, only snapping pictures of Herc in public with the kids for “Famous Parents and Their Kids” bits in magazines, or when he and Elena were spotted on a date. And that helped him settle in life in Avalor over the years. So for the most part he was very happy there, and it helped that Elena encouraged him to live whatever life, whatever career, do whatever travelling he desired, that she knew royal life was never what he expected and so she never pushed the traditional expectations on him.

Happy parents meant happy kids. Since the first time Herc held Lili and knew he could do it without hurting her, he became a very cuddly dad. The kids all got lots of love and attention and hugs from both of their parents, it was a very loving environment despite both of them having busy lives with Elena leading the country and six kids total. It helped that the kids were pretty reasonably spaced out in age, that when the little ones needed attention the big kids wanted to be independent.

👦🏻- What was preschool/kindergarten like?

The kids were all homeschooled by tutors/governesses for preschool/kindergarten age education and part of elementary school.

👧🏻- What was elementary/middle school like?

The kids were only sent to “regular” school lessons 3 days a week starting from age nine, in order to socialize and get to know common everyday Avalorans. They were still mostly educated by private tutors because of the unique requirements of royalty until high school age.

👱🏻‍♀️- What was high school/college like?

At fourteen, the children began to attend normal high school, some days a week were only half days because due to private tutoring they’d surpassed some subjects, and that time was used for additional study at the palace. But for the most part they had normal teenage years and all attended university.

Lili - Attended the University of Kansas in Lawrence, Kansas, USA, and the same Liliosa Persaud Flores was on her diploma and everything, despite Avaloran media calling her Lilosa Flores always. Lili’s quite proud to be her father’s daughter, so she wanted to be Lili Persaud at university. She double majored in Biochemistry and International Studies with a double language focus in Mandarin Chinese and Arabic, and she then went on to earn a masters in Environmental Health Sciences from NYU. She did a lot of with with the WHO post grad.

Arián - Studied at University of Melbourne in Australia for his undergrad. He double-majored in Music Theatre and Composition, with the goal of writing musicals and film scores. Prince Arián worked in Australia and New Zealand for a couple years before returning to Avalor. His dream is to make musical popular in South America, and to be an award-winning composer for films.

Ainara - Was quite frightened to go too far from home, so she studied at a university in Chile, just a short flight from Avalor City. She studied mechanical engineering and went on to earn a Ph.D in the field.

Inez- Inez spent her first few years post high school doing charity work because she didn’t know where she wanted to go to university yet. She eventually went to UCLA to study linguistics, earned up to a Ph.D, and was instrumental in linguistic research throughout her career. She wrote several books explaining linguistic concepts in layman’s terms for the general public so they can understand how language changes and evolves.

Meme- joined the Avaloran military. He attended Avalor City University in his early thirtes. Studied education. So after a career in the military, she just wanted to chill and teach elementary school.

Martina - Studied Political Science at Yale. She earned a Masters’ in Public Policy. Martian worked for the Avaloran Foreign Ministry, their State Department equivalent for years, and other than Lili was the only Persaud Flores child active in politics.

🌋- How often did they get caught doing something bad?

Lili - Rarely. She took her role as role model too seriously.

Arián - All the time! He was always pushing boundaries.

Ainara - Sometimes. She only really did something naughty if others were, or if others had gotten away with it.

Inez- Was the biggest fuckin’ narc of them all.

Meme- He was a little naughty, but usually didn’t get caught.

Martina - Rarely? She was a little mischevious, she liked to play jokes, but she rarely did something ‘bad’ enough to warrant punishment. She learned from her siblings’ mistakes.

🌡- Did they get sick a lot as a child? Did they ever have to go to the hospital for any reason?

Lili - Not really! Though she had to have her appendix removed when she was a teenager.

Arián - Not really, he was also very healthy.

Ainara - Her allergies were always pretty bad so her parents had an arsenal of antihistamines and decongestants at the ready.

Inez- She got strep throat and ear infections often as a child, like aaaaalways. And she eventually had to have her tonsils removed.

Meme- Always caught whatever was going around without fail! And had to have his appendix taken out.

Martina - Was actually born with a heart condition that required several surgeries, but with monitoring it proved not to really hinder her development and life.

🗯- How well did they get along with their siblings?

Lili - Very well, she loved being the big sister. Especially to little Martina, 14 years younger than her. She’d take Martina places with her and show her off.

Arián - He tried to pick fight with Lili a lot, but she’d always give him whatever he wanted and that was no fun for him. But he successfully got under Ainara and the twins’ skin a lot.

Ainara - Ainara and Inez had a rivalry because they liked to take each others’ things without asking. They grew up to be quite close, but they argued a LOT for a lot of years.

Inez- Inez hated Martina for many years because SHE was Daddy’s little princess until Martina came along. But by the time Martina was eight, Inez didn’t hate her for that anymore. Instead, hated her because she always tried to tag along with thirteen-year-old Inez and Herc and Elena sometimes made her let Martina join in on fun. They never really grew close until Martina was sixteen and Inez was twenty-two, after there was an assassination attempt made on Elena and she was in the hospital for a couple weeks. They were both terrified about their mom and Martina was so young, and as Inez was the only sibling in Avalor with her at the time (since it was during Inez’ pre-uni gap years), the twenty-two year old was the main source of comfort for Martina, and the two quickly grew out of their rivalry and had been close since.

Meme- He never really had beef with anyone? He was just a chill dude 95% of the time. He mainly was ready to fight anyone who was mean to his siblings.

Martina - Martina never really had an issue with anyone besides Inez. But even then it was almost entirely Inez being hostile and Martine trying to make Inez like her/think she’s cool/want to hangout with her.

🔷- Free question!  Magick or Mundus?

Lili - magick

Arián - magick

Ainara - mundus

Inez- mundus

Meme- magick

Martina - magick

[rolypolywl]

Welcome to day 23!

Today is a weigh in day!

So, not ideal, but not too bad. I can live with that.

Today we’re going to talk about medications. And not those “lose weight fast” pills they advertise in checkstand magazines, but actual doctor-prescribed medications.

At this point, every medication seems to come with half a commercial's worth of side effects. So, this lead me to wonder, what medications could actually cause substantial weight gain?

Well, according to this WebMD article, those numbers might be higher than you think. ““As many as 10% to 15% of weight issues are related to medications,” says Louis Aronne, MD, director of the Comprehensive Weight Control Center at Weill Cornell Medical College.”

So one or two in ten of us might have medications complicating our weight gain and loss. That’s pretty high!

Now, and I promise not to get into gross details, but I’m going to give you a little backstory. In high school and college, I had really bad period symptoms - migraines, pain, etc - that would cause me to miss school and work every month. In college, I was put on birth control as a means of fixing that. And it worked!

Now, when I was given it, I was warned that it could cause weight gain, or sometimes weight loss. Already roly poly at that point, I had my fingers crossed for ‘weight loss.’

When I didn’t lose weight, but continued to gain it over my college career, I blamed it on the pills. Now, I had already been gaining weight, and I had done nothing to change my food or living habits, but the pills were the reason for the continued weight gain.

Unfortunately, I kind of needed to keep on them to continue to be a functioning adult all month long.

And, I have realized, that medicine can be used as something of a crutch, the same way that we talk about having a “problem with our metabolism.” It is very easy to say “my medications affect my weight.”

But here’s the thing. I was doing research for this episode, and I found this article from WebMD, which blew some of my notions out of the water.

“It’s rare, but some women do gain a little bit of weight when they start taking birth control pills. It’s often a temporary side effect that’s due to fluid retention, not extra fat.  A review of 44 studies showed no evidence that birth control pills caused weight gain in most women. And, as with other possible side effects of the pill, any weight gain is generally minimal and goes away within 2 to 3 months.”

That’s right. Any weight gain I experienced was likely only three pounds and only temporary! That blew my mind! Why do we get these warnings, then? Leading us to think that we can gain a lot of weight long term?

Well, WebMD has an explanation. “When birth control pills were first sold in the early 1960s, they had very high levels of estrogen and progestin. Estrogen in high doses can cause weight gain due to increased appetite and fluid retention. So, 50 years ago they may indeed have caused weight gain in some women. Current birth control pills have much lower amounts of hormones. So weight gain is not likely to be a problem.”

That’s right, because the old ones used to. But we still have that mindset that they will.

So, what modern medications actual can cause weight gain?

The list is, in some respects, short, and seems fairly consistent across sources.

The University of Rochester Medical Center provides a concise list:

So basically, diabetes, epilepsy, and blood pressure medications, antipsychotics, antidepressants, and steroid medicines. There is one other category, which Rochester doesn’t list, but the other sources do, and that is allergy medications.

So my birth control isn’t necessarily making me gain weight, but my allergy meds and antidepressants might be! Joy!

Now, not all medications in a category have the same effects, Rochester notes. “It’s important to note that not all medicines of these types cause weight gain. For example, the diabetes medicine metformin might make you lose weight instead of gain it. Topiramate (a medicine used for seizures and migraines) also can help a person lose weight.”

The Obesity Action Coalition actually put it all into a great chart, at this link. They include not only the category of medications, but both the common and generic names, and also some alternatives.

Now, you will note that birth control is still mentioned on these lists, even though we know that, generally speaking, its weight gain effects are minimal. So before we go instantly proclaiming that every other medicine there will instantly gain us 20 pounds, let’s look at *how* medications make us gain weight.

Rochester sums it up pretty well, “Medicine-related weight gain can have many causes. Some medicines might stimulate your appetite. This causes you to eat more and gain extra weight. Some medicines might affect your body’s metabolism. This causes your body to burn calories at a slower rate. Other medicines might affect how your body stores and absorbs sugars and other nutrients. If a medicine causes you to be tired or have shortness of breath, you might be less likely to exercise. This can cause you to gain weight. Other medicines might cause you to retain water. This makes you weigh more even if you don’t put on extra fat. For certain medicines, researchers aren’t exactly sure what triggers the weight gain.”

We now know that birth control generally falls into that “retain water” category, but other medicines can have other effects from this list. And they can just be a mystery!

The OAC adds, “How much weight is gained varies from person-to-person and from drug-to-drug. Some people may gain a few pounds throughout the course of a year, while other people can gain 10, 20 or more pounds in just a few months. Because many of these medications are taken for chronic conditions, you may use them for several years with their use contributing to significant weight gain throughout time.”

They also note that “You should also be aware that while some medications don’t cause you to gain weight, they may make it more difficult to lose excess weight.”

So other medications can be sabotaging us on the other side!

So, if you are taking a medication that can potentially be affecting your weight, what do you do?

Well first of all, don’t stop!

“If you suspect the medicines that you take are behind your weight gain, don’t go off them before you talk to your doctor. “You might need to be on that drug to save your life,” says Donald Waldrep, MD, co-director of The Center for Weight Loss Surgery at Los Robles Hospital.”

Rochester, like the others, recommends talking to your doctor. “Treatment will depend on the situation. In some cases, your healthcare provider will recommend switching to another medicine that’s not as likely to cause weight gain. This is especially likely if you have gained a lot of weight and your health is affected.  In other cases, it may not be possible to stop taking the medicine that is causing your weight gain. There might not be another medicine available that can effectively treat your symptoms. For example, people with certain mental health problems might do well with only 1 or 2 medicines. In that case, you might be able to switch to a lower dose of the medicine.”

Now, one thing to be aware of is that different versions of a drug; different generics, can have different effects on you. I ran into this with my birth control. My pharmacy started carrying a different generic than the one I had been taking, and when I switched to it, it started screwing with my mind. I didn’t realize that was the cause, at the time, until my doctor explained.

Medicine.Net  breaks it down. “Sometimes, generic versions of a drug have different colors, flavors, or combinations of inactive ingredients than the original medications. Trademark laws in the United States do not allow the generic drugs to look exactly like the brand-name preparation, but the active ingredients must be the same in both preparations, ensuring that both have the same medicinal effects.”

Now, that doesn’t sound so bad, right? The “active” stuff is the same, and the rest is “inactive.”

Well, Drugs.com explains that that isn’t exactly true.

“Not all inactive ingredients are always inactive. Alcohol is one example of an ingredient that may be active or inactive based on the specific formulation of the medication. Patients may have allergic reactions or other adverse effects to inactive ingredients.”

This is what I ran into. I had an adverse reaction to an inactive ingredient in the new generic. I was able to switch back to my old one for a while, before it was discontinued, and now my only option is the super expensive brand name.

And Science Alert gets into even more detail. A group of researchers went through a pill database, looking at the actual inactive ingredients in pills. They had the idea because a patient with celiac disease (an allergy to gluten) was given a medication to treat their disease symptoms, but it had gluten as a binder!

So, you know, let’s give them more of the thing their allergic to to fix the side effects of their allergy!

So far, this is what they’ve found. “On average, tablets or capsules contain 8.8 inactive ingredients, but hundreds have 20 or more, the researchers say, and sometimes over 30. [...] Usually, inactive ingredients make up over 50 percent of a pill, but sometimes it's as much as 99 percent”

And, as we’ve learned, those inactive ingredients aren’t always so inactive! “Specifically, 38 of the inactive ingredients identified by the team have been reported as causing allergic symptoms in the past, and 92.8 percent of all the oral medications in Pillbox contain at least one potential allergen, while 55 percent contain at least one FODMAP sugar.”

So, why does this matter to us? Well aside from the fact that if you are looking to switch a medication, you should be on the lookout for adverse reactions to the new formula, you should be aware that it isn’t just the active ingredient in your medication that could be affecting you.

And inactive ingredients crop up in over the counter medications, vitamins, and supplements. It isn’t just your major medications you should give a once over.

So, if you are taking a medication that can cause weight gain, and you want to switch things around, talk to your doctor, and also check out the alternative versions of the medication, but look into them thoroughly.

But, aside from switching medications, is there anything you can do?

Well, Healthline has a great article on this.

Their first recommendation is pretty obvious. “To curb weight, use the same strategies you’d use to control weight with or without the added effects of medication. Choose low-calorie foods like fresh fruits and vegetables, eat fiber-rich and slow-to-digest complex carbohydrates, and drink lots of water.”

In particular, they note, sodium can be a culprit in these medications, and choosing low sodium options can help. Similarly, eating foods high in potassium can help, as it flushes sodium.

Next, they recommend eating more frequently. “Your appetite can increase while taking specific medications, so you may be tempted to eat more. Instead of having three massive meals throughout the day, breaking up your food into smaller, more frequent meals can make you feel like you’re consuming more calories because you have little time between snacks to be hungry.”

One thing from their list that you should talk to your doctor about is intermittent fasting. “For people who have come off medication, intermittent fasting can be an effective way to lose weight, provided it’s recommended by your doctors.”

Finally, they recommend more common sense suggestions, such as being more active and getting good sleep. Basically, all the things you would want to do to lose weight anyway.

So, that is it!

I hope you found that information as eye-opening as I did! But remember not to let you medications become your excuse!

This has been Roly Poly Weight loss. As always, I am your host, Roly Poly. If you feel comfortable, please share your experiences with the hashtag #Medication. Have you had problems switching between generics? Are you surprised to see something you take on the chart? Have you gotten any great advice from your doctor? Please share!

And please join me next time!

[kqnsc5yt-blog]

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