smth abt ougi and queer narrativeness
thinking you won't be loved because of what you are. struggling with your identity
dying because it would be better for the story, buying into the narrative and conforming to it in that way. being the inherent bad guy, a monster
idk theres smth about it
and then also a feminist aspect
your existence being literally for some guy. only mattering for that, for someone else, until it turns out you have your own value too, actually.
it's just... yk
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courtney never deserved to be a finalist, y'all just like her
.
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I saw the words Midwest emo and blacked out I’ve never opened Spotify so quickly. hi. you are my people now
we may not be the midwest emo people are expecting, but we are the midwest emo people deserve. we’re actually from the midwest. can mom jeans say the same?
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sometimes I experience a conversation that completely shakes my worldview. spoke to someone my age earlier who thought that me saying 'wrong and bad' was new and hilarious. is that not just a normal phrase??? help??
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hey wanna hear what my favorite blink 182 songs are? no?? well fuck you
M+Ms
Man Overboard
The Party Song
Wendy Clear
Don't Leave Me (this is my actual favorite Blink song)
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What if I started throwing rocks at people
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Having two long WIPs is bad for many reasons but another reason it is bad is that when I go okay time to write I have to sit and think about which one to write
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i feel so bad for nikola tesla like imagine spending years beefing with a guy who has conned the public into believing he's some sort of supergenius when in reality it's his overworked employees developing all of his world-changing inventions and you end up dying broke and starving and alone and then 100 years later another guy cons the public into believing he's some sort of supergenius when in reality it's his overworked employees developing all of his world-changing inventions and he's doing it all IN YOUR NAME. he must be rolling in his grave like a fucking rotisserie chicken
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*merlins magic gets exposed in front of the knights*
merlin, magic user: oh fuck
arthur, finally taking this opportunity to pretend as if he just found out merlin has magic after agonizing for the past month on how to bring it up: you have magic?
lancelot, merlin defender, already knew of merlin’s magic: no! i have magic
gwaine, merlin defender, already knew of merlin’s magic, lover of chaos, ride or die: no, i have magic!
mordred, desperate for his hero’s approval bc no matter what he’s done emrys just stares at him with distrust and the poor boy is tired and so close to tears: no…i have magic.
percival, raised by druids and bonded strongly with mordred over that and does Not agree with the persecution of magic in camelot, had an inkling that merlin had magic but no proof: no. i have magic.
*leon and elyan exchange a look, elyan, amused and leon, exhausted, elyan shrugs*
elyan, knows how much gwen adores merlin and completely understands her stance bc merlin…is merlin, down to clown and put on a show, really playing up the dramatics: no! i have magic.
leon, exhausted, has known of merlin’s magic since he stepped foot in camelot, knows of his feelings for arthur and arthur’s feelings for him, knows arthur knows of merlin’s magic and wouldn’t harm him, thinks everyone is being absolutely ridiculous:
*the knights stare hard at leon and even merlin looks slightly offended at leon not jumping to his defense with the rest of the knights, arthur hasn’t said anything and is staring at leon expectantly*
leon, sighing: …no. i have magic.
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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