#You have two autistic children

[goblins-and-gloves]

Angry at parents hour!

Undiagnosed autistic fuckers are delulu.

[lumiereandcogsworth]

you may have already talked about this so forgive me buuuuut what were Belle and Adam's reactions to each pregnancy? and their baby's reactions as they joined in on the fun of learning they would be getting siblings?

i have been SO excited to answer this all day. i love pregnancy discoveries/announcements SO MUCH i just think they’re so cute. (i mean, they can certainly be Not Great news, but in otp land!!!! CUTE!!!!) so without further ado, let’s get INTO IT!!

okay for their first baby… gosh i’ve probably written and rewritten this scene twenty different ways over the years. this is the BIG ONE!! the moment they go from a married couple to PARENTS!!! it’s HUGE it’s LIFE CHANGING!! i think about it all the time. and i think after all these years i finally have a scenario that i’m most happy with, that i’d really love to write and sort of insert into my canon, but just haven’t finished yet. and the funny part is that i’ve already written The Conversation™️ i just have to set it up and context and story and all that jazz. but anyway, i think it’d be such a big thing for both of them.

for belle, she really never imagined she’d get to be a mother. and i think the idea of motherhood, in a way, sort of scared her. she LOVES children for sure, but i think growing up in the village with no real prospects, no chance of getting out and being free, the idea of becoming someone’s domestic little housewife and homemaker was just such an awful idea to her. she wanted true love, she wanted a family of her own, but she just didn’t want it to be in that little provincial town with no hope of escape. and marrying someone and having their kids would just tether her there forever. and she wanted more for herself!!

so then, when she marries, idk, THE PRINCE? and becomes THE QUEEN? everything just changes. she’s not just some guy’s little wife. adam would rather die than let that happen. adam believes in her and pushes her to be as incredible as he knows she is. she has so many responsibilities in her role, she’s a freakin powerhouse!!! so when she does end up pregnant, almost a year after they get married, she’s actually quite excited by it. because she Knows she’s so much more than a homemaker. she doesn’t have to compromise herself to be a wife and mother, as she had once feared. she gets to have a baby with the love of her life and still fulfill all her own dreams. she can really do it all, your honor! so, in short, realizing she’s pregnant that first time is exciting and a huge relief knowing this isn’t the end of her life, just another chapter.

for adam it’s more like AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH !!!??!! PANIC PANIC PANIC WORRY WORRY WORRY !!!!!! but i can elaborate further. essentially, adam was never really keen on fatherhood. surprise surprise, having an abusive father and growing up suppressed and bullied and then directionless and scared and all that… didn’t really enthuse him on the idea that he’d be a great parent for any kid. despite that, of course, he did know deep down he would have to have an heir at some point. probably with some random woman who was deemed a politically advantageous match, someone he didn’t care about, the way he didn’t care about anything. but he ignored that prospect as often as possible, the same way he ignored all his other royal responsibilities. BUT! NOW? he Loves his wife……… he loves his wife so much and everything is different now. he’s a changed man now. he’s trying so hard to see the goodness in the world now. everything is brighter and it’s scary but he’s strengthened by her and supported by her and loved by her and… and… she’s pregnant 🥺

i’ve written this scene so many different ways mostly because adam’s reaction is just so… complicated. he wouldn’t be angry but i don’t think he’d be overtly happy either. he’s changed, he’s grown, but “fatherhood” is such a Deeply Rooted issue for him that i think when belle tells him, he just doesn’t even react at first. he knows he loves her and knows, logically, this is a good thing, so he holds her and starts worrying about her and starts processing this great big change in his life. and he fears becoming his father, despite the fact that it’s his mother’s kind heart beating inside him. and belle tells him there is no one else on this earth she’d rather have children with, because no one would ever believe in her the way he does. the way she believes in him. so they have lots of reassuring talks over the course of the pregnancy, and of course, that beautiful day when their first little one finally arrives, it’s just magic 🥹

GAH! first baby euphoria consumes my soul. i could talk about it forever, clearly. but i’ll move on to baby number TWO!

i actually HAVE written this fic of belle telling adam!! it’s a couple years old now so i’m tempted to not link it but it’s still how i imagine it happens in canon so it’s okay. i shan’t cringe at my old writing!! anyway, it’s christmas 1743 when belle tells adam they’ll be spending NEXT christmas with one more little angel than this year 🥰 adam is a lot happier on the second round, now that he’s been a father for a bit of time, now that he’s positively fallen in LOVE with his daughter, he’s more excited to keep growing their family. renée, however, is not even two yet when this is happening, so she really doesn’t have any thoughts about it lmao. HOWEVER, once her baby sister arrives, she is Not enthused by the sudden lack of attention. i’ve written a cute one about that so i’ll link that as well <3 i really want to write the moment renée meets juliette, i think it’d be sort of funny considering how young she was, but i just haven’t gotten around to it. my fic about the day juliette was born is already so hectic for other reasons, so it just didn’t work to write renée into it.

LASTLY!!! LE PRINCE!!!! it’s like you’re in my HEAD bro because just Yesterday i got a cute idea for how this pregnancy may be discovered. (and i have considered multiple possibilities, this is just the latest and greatest). i was imagining perhaps juliette (age 4) comes down with a cold of sorts, so belle’s been taking care of her. then belle starts to feel sick, and she just brushes it off thinking she caught juliette’s bug. but then juliette gets better and belle is still feeling like GARBAGE. and eventually it clicks that it’s because she’s pregnant <3 i think this third one catches them both off guard just a bit because the girls came so quickly one after the other and then it’s been almost five years and nothin??? i mean it’s the 18th century it’s not like they were doing anything to prevent it. (i am aware of 18th century contraception methods but these two definitely were not using them lmao). regardless, when it finally clicks, adam and belle are both just sort of like “oh shit!!!! NICE!!!!” lmao. they had gotten settled in life with their two girlies, but they’re certainly not mad about adding to their number 💖

as far as the girls’ reactions, i would also like to write that some time, but haven’t yet. in general, i think renée (who was very nearly 7) just EXPLODES with a million questions. she’s also very adamant that this baby Must be another girl (spoiler alert: it was not💙) and she’s just in general trying to be as obnoxiously involved as possible. she’s always tossing out name ideas (usually characters from the books she’s reading, but also lots of flower names like chrysanthemum and hyacinth). she also loves putting her hand on belle’s growing bump and asking “what’s the baby doing now??” like 20 times a day. (she loses her mind whenever she feels him kick🥹)

juliette, on the other hand, takes a long time to process it (it’s the autism, but also she’s just younger). but it sort of helps that, at the time, lumiere & plumette were already expecting their second child. so adam & belle could be like “you know how auntie plumette is gonna have a baby soon? well now so are WE!” and juliette’s like “oooooohhhhh 🤔 (doesn’t get it at all).” but when that baby arrives (a lil lad named xavier🥰🧡) juliette gathers what’s going on. that is a BABY. she does like feeling the baby in mama’s tummy move as well, it’s very wild to her. she’s much more quietly curious about her future little sibling than renée is, but she’s just as excited when they do finally meet him. which i HAVE written 🥹🥹🥹

AND, juliette gets the credit for giving her little brother his lifelong nickname. when her parents told her they were naming him maurice, she very quietly replied “hi, reece☺️” and he is forever called reece/reecy by his family and friends henceforth 🩵 (it also helps to differentiate from his beloved namesake grandfather!)

renée isn’t super excited about having a brother instead of another sister, (especially when lumiere and plumette already have TWO boys. (ENOUGH WITH THE BOYS IN THIS GOSH DANG CASTLE!!!😒)) but she does come to love him!! even though he’s annoying as hell!!! but it’s his gotdamn right as the little brother💛

[magdaclaire]

re: the american education system showing high school children their "dead" peers in an effort to lessen teenage drunk driving after prom,

the suing part is one hundred percent true but several parents (including my mom <3) threatened to personally beat the ass of the principal at the time

[advisorsage]

I keep being told that my grandma's neighbor's son is "weird" and "super autistic" and that I can't possibly be autistic because I never acted like he does. But here's the thing all I see when I watch him is a kid playing in the dirt. Like yeah OK most kids don't do that *nowadays* but like kids do weird shit. I'm told it's hard to talk to him. I assume that they simply aren't approaching him right. He may be shy! I don't care that he's somewhere between 7 and 11 years old he might just not like strangers. That's normal, kid shit. How different from me can he possibly be? He's human. I'm human. He's a child. I was a child. I bet if I talked to him and found out his interests, I could have an easier time talking to him than the people telling me he's "strange" ever could. You just have to know how to interact with kids. It's amazing that I know you talk to them about their interest while actual parents don't when I will freely say I don't want kids. How am I better equipped to treat them like humans? Also, the little boy seems like he's going to grow up and be a perfectly okay person who'll do just fine in whatever field he chooses. I don't know his interests, so I can't say what that'll be, but I'm sure he'll do great.

[philsmeatylegss]

Feel valid with your trauma from being a glass child and not have you biggest trigger get set off by feeling not heard or search ‘glass child’ on tiktok and see half the videos of people going “poor me I made my sibling a glass child wah wah” and the other half are actual glass children with comment sections calling them ableist or dramatic when they even say they don’t blame their siblings

[harmcityherald]

The turtles got their new food and they seem to be liking it well. They had been using the sandbox all night in and out so it looks like I will be building a much bigger sand unit onto their enclosure. My other tank got a very expensive cleaning last night for peppermint and foremost. I also was able to get them an air stone. I also bought anything to vacuum out their tank and so last night they got quite the cleaning which will be finished this morning. I was also able to get half of my cutting done in my garden yesterday so my garden is finally taking off as well. Hopefully today I can put it in a little more work and bring my garden a little bit closer to being started. Artemisia is very watchful that I don't overwork myself because sometimes I have a tendency to where my garden is concerned. So the coffee is made and I'm sitting outside and enjoying it right now other than the fact that all my dinosaur buddies are sitting here in a circle looking at me in the trees bullying me to give them more food but we of course has suspended operations because of the bird flu. Sorry little guys but I think I know better than you I can read the medical journals you can't. So until I feel like it's safe again you guys are on your own I hate to say that. I guess I will offset that by giving my inside buddies a little more attention than they've been getting. The little tank is looking a lot better. Foremost loves the air stone much more than peppermint does. I think our reading let us to the correct decision that the snail needs an AirStone and that is exactly what she got. I also scraped off the six masses of eggs that she laid around the top of the tank, luckily I don't have a female to fertilize them all or I would have a million snails like I'm afraid I'm going to have a million Turtles before it's all over with. I won't be able to release them in the wild if it actually happened but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I love my critters and my critters love me.

I would add more tags but they only allow me a certain number so I should end it there. Or else I'll talk myself right into a bad mood. And that's not fair to my little buddies is it?

Mark my word, we are all going to live to see the day to read about that man doing something incredibly stupid. I'm not going to try to lay any future or philosophical View on what that could be. Trust me, he's a pedophile with an arsenal of ghost guns. And it's a situation that I'm too old to try to help and solve. My other two grandchildren the one being autistic and the other being transgender make me want to reach out and help them and yet the transgender child is under extreme brainwashing by him. One time he even told her that he would fuck the lesbianism right out of her, and for me that's not something that should ever come out of a father's lips to a daughter ever no matter what the situation is at all. And yet that same transgender child, under his pristine Direction, hates my very guts. The only one in the family who would actually call you by your real name and would refuse to use your dead name and yet I guess the fact is that Alan loves his father and any concessions that meat had makes for her must make her feel at least somewhat accepted. But because of the Meathead Saga I do not get to see those two sets of grandchildren anymore. Because I'm a deep state leftist, if you can actually believe that's a reason to hold your children back from someone. That's very sad to me I have seven grandchildren all together. It is only two that I get to react and deal with everyday living here with me and I'm so thankful of that. Many people would say it's a financial burden I should not subject to myself to. But I've always been a firm believer that you never throw kids to the wind ever. Especially not in this fucked up world the way it is now. If you throw your kids to the Wolves you're no better than a Spartan throw in your baby off the edge of a cliff. And that's not how I was ever taught that parenting was done. I have never raised a hand to a child ever not in my whole life. I've always gotten so much more from children when you talk to them and treat them like people the people that they no doubt are.

Anyway, Meatheads brand of ineffectual terrorism doesn't really scare me in any way. I have no idea why I'm really on this this morning. Perhaps the youngers are arguing last night reminded me of the tension in the house when Meathead was here pretty much destroying everything in his path. We're trying to destroy everything in his path which included me. I had six police officers and four doctors all together bum rushed me in the room to convince me that I needed to press charges. I told him if I pressed charge does that means I won't be able to get them out of my house and the only thing I want is for them to be out of my house like tomorrow so I didn't press charges against him, which I'm sure he walks around in his own little tiny house Castle now Vindicated somehow that the cops wouldn't touch him when really it was me that kept that from happening. Trust me if it had been any other situation I would have made sure he got every little bit of punishment he deserved for it but it was more important for me to clear this place out and have a nice calm place for my Artemisia and our wonderful youngers

[dandy-lad]

.

[riding-with-the-wild-hunt]

vetted fundraisers from today. please continue to support campaigns like these in whatever ways you're able. even if it doesn't seem like much to you, your contribution is helping to save someone's life

july 17th:

Safaa Al Khatib, her husband Muhammad Al-Thalateeni (photojournalist, suffered a severe head injury while working), and their two little daughters (€21,571/€35,000) - @safaakhatib, @safaakhateeb, @mohammed-123, verified by @/nabulsi

Mohammed Iwais and his nine brothers, all of whom have families of their own (kr20,260 SEK/kr500,000 SEK) - @mohdiwais, verified by @/90-ghost

Orphaned twins Kareem and Carmen, their grandparents, and their two aunts ($7,817/$50,000) - @adham-89, verified by @/90-ghost

The Ayyad family of eight, four of whom are children ($25,399/$35,000) - @aymanayyad82, @mayadayyad81, @aymanayyad81, verified by @/nabulsi

Muhammad Al-Habil, his wife, their three young children, and Muhammad's chronically ill parents (€11,599/€50,000) - @alhabil, @mohammedfamily11, @aya2mohammed, verified by @/el-shab-hussein

Reuniting four stranded children, one of whom needs urgent treatment for diabetes, with their parents ($7,092 CAD/$50,000 CAD) - @burningnightgiver, verified by @/90-ghost

The Shehab family of eight, including five children and their grandmother (€23,460/€50,000) - @malakshehab, @danashehab, verified by @/el-shab-hussein

Eman and her family of six ($379 CAD/$70,000 CAD) - @emhema1, verified by @/90-ghost

Helping Doaa Jad Al-Haq provide for her autistic son and evacuate the rest of their family, including a member who is paralyzed and needs urgent medical care (kr23,315 SEK/kr200,000 SEK) - @omarasaadb, verified by @/90-ghost

Hanaa Al-Lulu and her family (€2,823/€40,000) - @enghanalulu, verified by @/90-ghost

The six Maliha siblings (one with chronic respiratory illness) and their mother (they were separated from their father and don't know where he is) (€35,445/€50,000) - @dinamaliha, #160 on @/el-shab-hussein and @/nabulsi's spreadsheet

Mohammed Haboub and his family of three (kr20,412 SEK/kr300,000 SEK) - @mohammedhaboubsblog, verified by @/90-ghost

Reham Hassouna, her husband Mohammed, and their three little daughters (all suffering from acute dehydration and malnutrition) (£110/£35,000) - @rehamoworld, verified by @/90-ghost

Helping Mahmoud Abu Hamam rebuild his family's destroyed home ($1,510/$25,000) - @ma7moudgaza2, #149 on @/nabulsi and @/el-shab-hussein's spreadsheet

Evacuating Firas Muhaisen's family of six (including three children) and continuing he and his sister's medical education (very time sensitive, short-term goal of $6,000 CAD needed by August 1st) ($3,165 CAD/$82,000 CAD) - @firasmuhaisenn, @hashem-fromgaza, @nisreenameen, verified by @/90-ghost

not yet vetted:

Salem Alanqar, his wife Hadeel, their two little children, Salem's chronically ill parents, and his five siblings, three of whom are under 18 (kr675 SEK/kr990,000 SEK) - @salemanqar

Mahmood, his wife Nedaa, and their two children, Shahd and Alaa (€30/€30,000) - @linasafadi

Hoda and her 4-year-old daughter Rita (unknown amount) - @retahuda

Safaa, her husband, their baby Amir, and Safaa's mother, who needs treatment for diabetes ($1,036/$75,000) - @safaaasad1998

Mohammed and his five young children (€25/€15,000) - @mhammed

Nabil Zaqout, his wife, and their three little children (€195/€60,000) - @nabilzaq23

Rozan and her family of six (€0/€40,000) - @rozanallidawi

i know clicking through links can seem like a drag, but i beg you to push through it for the sake of these families. they need our help and support more than ever

[foldingfittedsheets]

When I was in third grade I got Weird with writing. It makes sense in hindsight. Oppressed people find their own ways of carving out space for themselves.

The first bit I did landed me in trouble more immediately. I was given, god knows by who, one of those enormous giant pencils. I loved it. My tiny nine year old body was consumed with love of this pencil that was roughly 1/3 of my height. I insisted that I would only use this pencil in school.

It was an unlucky year to be stricken with whimsy. My third grade teacher was a tyrannical Japanese woman fueled by her dislike of children. I suspect the cultural divide between how she expected children to behave and the reality of American children broke her.

She was three foot nothing and getting berated by her was the first time I’d ever looked down at an adult. I also saw her once standing next to her white 6’ behemoth of a husband and tried to conceptualize how two such disparate people had sex. I never could.

If you think I’m exaggerating her wrath it’s worth noting that my best friend at the time developed a stress disorder from this woman and I fell into a bizarre stutter that cleared up the moment I was out of class. In her classroom breaking down crying was a weekly occurrence.

But despite the frigid conditions, I persevered. I stayed silly. I brought my enormous novelty pencil to class every day. It was an act of rebellion that I sank my teeth into and refused to let go. I could barely sharpen it because its girth defied standard sharpeners the way I defied my teacher. This was my pencil.

When she attempted to confiscate my giant pencil I rose an unholy ruckus. This would not turn into the confiscated holographic Charizard, my tamagotchi, or my little pop frogs that she never returned to me. No. This was my goddamn pencil. There was no rules against enormous novelty pencils and after a heated week of debate she finally conceded I could use the hated thing.

It was stolen by my kleptomaniac friend a week or so after that a fact I’d only discover at the end of the year. But my tiny mind was convinced the evil teacher had stolen it.

In retaliation, instead of resuming normal behavior I decided that I would do all my writing upside down and backwards. No one, least of all myself, could explain why I felt this was necessary. Maybe I felt I’d be cool like a spy, maybe I just needed to buck the teachers hateful authority, or maybe I was just a little autistic kid.

When taking notes or writing essays I’d arrange the paper to be upside down. It may surprise you to know that my penmanship was actually quite decent, albeit I wrote a little more slowly than my classmates. That’s why it took the teacher a while to realize what was going on. There wasn’t a drop in the quality of my writing.

Unsurprisingly she hated it when she found out. She lambasted me both privately and in front of the class to write normally. I asked if my writing was illegible. She had to admit that no, it was not. I shrugged. I did not see a problem.

Like the pencil my new writing fixation was cited as being a distraction to the other children. But similarly she didn’t have an easy way to make me stop. She marked me down, gave me several talking tos, and generally bullied me into writing like everyone else.

All attempts at correcting me simply ran off my back. I had found a way to cope with how miserable she made all of us, by inflicting misery back upon her. I was unswayed for the rest of the year.

When I graduated up into fourth grade and had a teacher I adored it suddenly stopped. I looked at the paper and thought, Well that’s silly, and flipped it the right way round.

I can still write upside down, though, a testament to my worst year in public school.

[sexhaver]

okay so you know how living with autism means having frequent mind-blowing realizations about seemingly contradictory social norms that allistic people learned as children and consider obvious, like "you're probably not actually expected to show up exactly at the listed start time of a large house party" or "you're pretty much expected to lie in job interviews and also the questions the interviewers asks are looking for specific amswers"? ive got this half-baked theory based on observations on this site that there are two main ways for autistic people to resolve this

the first, most common way is to get mad about it, because none of it makes sense and nobody is saying what they actually mean. "if you invite me to show up at 5 im showing up at 5" mentality. i do sympathize with this school of thought, because it's objectively correct and i would love to see what society would look like if everyone said exactly what they meant, but the attitude wears on you after a few years and eventually becomes grating

the second way that i seem to have settled into is feeling relief, because, like, you already navigate through social scenarios the same way the guy in the Chinese Room thought experiment "speaks" Chinese: blindly consulting reference material you don't understand but know is correct. learning a new social faux pas is therefore just more reference material to consult. the fact that it doesn't make any sense is irrelevant because none of the other social norms you've been following make any sense either, and they've served you just fine. and crucially, because you have no personal attachment to any of these social norms, you can just abandon them whenever they become too inconvenient OR if it would be funny. this is the kind of autism that produces stuff like Nathan For You

[emberwhite]

So as I have been making my rounds posting about my book across all social media, some people take a look at my cover, get confused, and ask me at point blank, "Wait. Does this book support trans people or not?"

Of course I support trans people (that's the whole point of the book!), but I don't want to use any language that could be interpreted as political by your average Joe that is turned off by any politics. You lose reach that way. I think the book could have a larger impact by using language to make the story more universal to all people. With the right message, it could be seen an an allegory that applies to not only trans people but anyone who feels like they don't fit in with the tribe.

Yes, I did decide to go with the animal metaphor for the book in spite of some hot social issues going on right now. There were previously two books that used that metaphor to make a crude political point. I don't care too much for that, but if you read them, you're ultimately left with the feeling that they discourage children from play and imagination. I used to teach kindergarten and elementary students, so I felt there was something deeply upsetting about that. It was shortly after that I felt I HAD to make this book, no matter what. I saw the stigma around the analogy as a challenge.

The good news is that after talking with other trans people about it the overwhelming majority seem to like the end result. And since the book's launch, I've had so many furries, therians, and autistic people thank me for making the book. There's something about the experience of what it is like to utterly deny things that are inevitably part of the self yet completely oppose the tribe and the regrets we ultimately face because of it. A lot of people can relate to that. It is the heart of the struggle of all humanity and society. That is culture, not politics.

So there you have it. "The Boy Who Wanted to Be a Deer" is now available on Amazon, or you can read the whole thing for free on YouTube.

If you would like to support the book, ratings on Amazon and Goodreads are the best way to do so.

[doberbutts]

Me: it's important to teach boy children consent and autonomy, here is a direct example of this in my autistic nephew and how his social behavior improved because I directly showed him how much the consent and autonomy of his probably-also-autistic little sister matters when she was afraid to hug me because I was a big scary man she didn't know

Person who heard the word "boy" and turned off their brain:

Once again I will say this is basic, basic, basic feminism that people act like is the absolute worst thing in the world because God forbid we try to fix the problem of male violence statistics by starting with teaching children how to be better than we were raised. This is an established feminist talking point because you will not improve anything unless you teach both the girls AND the boys that consent matters.

Yes, absolutely, by showing two scared little children that a strange man wasn't going to touch them without their permission, I was directly teaching my nephew that he can grow up to be a rapist and serial killer. You caught me red-handed in my dastardly plan to ensure that every little boy grows up this way.

Anyway I deliberately used the phrasing "don't teach [my niece] that she has to let strange men touch her" because both of my sisters, myself, both of our parents, and several members of our extended family have had incidents where we felt forced to let strange men touch us and have lasting trauma from that. And I probably got it the easiest because at least I was listened to when I realized what was happening and went to a different adult for help. The man in question having just been arrested for assaulting someone else a few weeks prior to this conversation with my sister where she was forcing her daughter to hug me, which my sister knew about because she's the one who told me he was arrested. That's why she understood my point and stopped dragging her daughter over to me.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

my frustration with “going nonverbal/nonspeaking” (as a fully nonverbal person)

transcript: my frustration with “going nonverbal/nonspeaking” (as a fully nonverbal person)

this written for instagram because of this post. but thought tumblr may like it too. “you” means general you, no one specific.

the instagram post and this on wordpress

this disclaimer is for instagram but also for anyone new to this discussion:

in full honestly, don’t know how to write this. am tired, language and complex ideas too much at time of writing, and general exhaust at having to argue same thing over and over again and justify own existence. tired of being minority within minority, wish there are others to do these work for me so i don’t have to do it all by self, singlehandedly advocate for everyone (not to mention problem with that—i can’t speak for everyone).

so honestly, if you don’t have anything nice to say, especially if you speaking (yes, even if you lose speech. include you), just don't say anything at all. move on.

online actually autistic community (AAut) dominated by white, lower support needs. level 1, speaking, late diagnosed, high masking autistics. find people like you is great, what not great is you treat your very narrow community as “voice of all autistic” and your experience as ultimate autistic experience. i write plenty about that, many more elaborate than this, if you not familiar with this concept.

many people in this community experience times when cannot speak, sometimes because overwhelm, shutdown, dissociate, or anxiety (situational mutism), but do not struggle with act of speaking rest of time (some struggle with speech all the time but still can speak - more on that later). the community call “going nonverbal/nonspeaking,” or even “when i am nonverbal nonspeaking” (not talking about those nonverbal as child and verbal now older), after clinical term “nonverbal” (nonverbal autism) and term coined by apraxic nonspeaking autistics “nonspeaking.”

both of which talk about it as an “all the time” experience.

when i search nonverbal or nonspeaking because i want community too, want see people like me too, two category i see: 1) parents of nonverbal nonspeaking children, whom can’t relate to because age, who can’t write own experience because their age and developmental ability. and 2) overwhelming amount of speaking autistic talk about going nonverbal going nonspeaking.

and the very very few fully nonverbal nonspeaking voices. drowned out. cannot find anyone.

nonverbal used to be term to describe us, people who can’t speak or cannot functionally speak beyond few words. medical term, alright, so some of us don’t like. so some of us reject that and create term all of our own, called nonspeaking. created by nonspeaking autistics with severe apraxia and brain body disconnect, describe their own experience of able to think in words able to spell out words (with great dedication and work and support), just cannot do that with mouth. their term. they create.

and you take it? without knowing context? without reading anything by those same nonspeaking coiners?

when is last time you purposely seek out nonverbal nonspeaking voices? when is last time you accidentally came across us? can you name any nonverbal nonspeaking advocate that talk about their experiences? one? two? three? a BIPOC person, a (specifically) Black person? a Black woman? a trans person? a physically disabled person? a person not from western world?

same narrative over and over. “i can speak for nonverbal autistic i understand their experience because i am autistic i can’t talk sometimes” no you cannot. as someone who was able to speak when young who lose speech (”go nonverbal”) but now have no speech to lose because full time nonverbal. no the experience not the same. not comparable. you gain it back. i don’t. you can explain with mouth words what happen when you get out. i can’t, i only have AAC. countless nonverbal nonspeaking people without AAC or sign cannot, at all. you never experience daily small and big struggle of casually being nonverbal all the time.

your experience of lose speech unique from my nonverbal. but if you so insist to compare and equate, you only guest to my experience, my daily life.

“when i go nonverbal and no one understand so have to force to speak” i cannot force words out. know you don’t mean to say this, and not saying you at fault for this, but nevertheless accidental perpetuate and reinforce idea that anyone who don’t speak can just be forced to speak if try hard enough. but often not how it works. and this exact harmful rhetoric devoid and delays nonverbal nonspeaking people given access to AAC, because “need try to force words out first, AAC unnatural so last resort.”

this may be new concept for you. new concept to instagram, to tiktok. to other places. it may seem i only one with this problem, “i once saw a nonspeaking person’s account and they don’t have problem.”

yeah, because we are not monolith. some nonverbal nonspeaking people don’t care. some nonverbal nonspeaking people may even welcome “go nonverbal nonspeaking” or “when i am nonverbal nonspeaking.”

but don’t be fooled into believe i only one. have many nonverbal/nonspeaking and/or higher support needs friends on tumblr, who talk about this who have been saying this for years. *years*. years before i joined. i am not creator, i only bring message here, because many of us are too high support needs too disabled to do anything else. many of us only stay on our small corner of tumblr because it most peaceful, because at least some listen, because least hostile, because need to defend our experience against our own community the least. (but it happens less doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, we still exhausted.) many of us only stay on our small corner of tumblr because that all we can handle, or because we not allowed or shouldn’t be on other social media because age or abilities or both.

i cannot handle conflict i do not do well and i shouldn’t be here. but if not me, who else? if i don’t do it, who else is going to?

some nonverbal nonspeaking people and parents of them may question, why you start debate about useless term when so many nonverbal nonspeaking people don’t even have access to communicate, real problems. to that i say i do those work too. and to that i say this is real problem too, because am autistic so online actually autistic community should also be my space too but it not. but it hostile. because am lonely because seeing yourself so crucial because don’t know anyone in person like me don’t have any friends in person like me, so i go online to find people like me and i cannot because no own term to search and what used to be term many people without similar experience insist they understand and can speak for me because they say we have similar experience. because this aloneness and the unique difficulty from being full time nonverbal and the struggle of future and the unique mistreatment from both outside but also inside community have drove me over edge many times and it is presence and knowing their presence of my tumblr nonverbal nonspeaking / higher support needs friends that gave me hope to stay. because so many people don’t listen and instead speak over. terminology only a symptom of problem. address roots, sure, but part of address roots is address symptoms.

‘well nonverbal people are never around” maybe it because you don’t make it welcome for us to join.

“fully nonverbal rare anyway” estimated 30% of us nonverbal nonspeaking, which this statistic probably only count those nonverbal since birth. even more are minimally speaking or without full functional communication, abilities limited to requests. sure, 30% still not majority. but significant amount never the less. speaking lower support needs autistic without intellectual disability not majority anyway too but your experience still deserve heard. ours too.

“see less nonverbal people because they don't have ability to communicate and use social media” yes, many nonverbal nonspeaking people not given access to communication (like AAC), forced to live in silence (because body language communication not enough alone!). silence from birth to teenage years, to adulthood, even until they die. some cannot understand social media or AAC because intellectual disability or cognitive ability. some not allowed on there because safety, some not allowed on because presumed incompetent and abused. all true. do you advocate for them too? or is it just talking point against me, pretend you care?

but not all of us, we exist. some of us thankfully supportive parents all along, parents given resources, us given resources, so we access to AAC since beginning. some of us became nonverbal later in life (which not same experience as those early in life, i acknowledge). some of us after years of forced silence, finally given access to AAC and can now communicate and advocate! some of us on social media - do you listen?

but you see none of us in your community anyway. maybe one token person.

you can go nonverbal. i cannot go verbal. see difference? you can come close to my experience, but i never will have (future) ability to go to yours.

it frustrate that have to specify am nonverbal **all the time** when write this, because if don’t do that will be assumed otherwise. frustrate that when in neurodivergent space stranger see me AAC they assume i can speak because they only know part time users (know part time users frustrate too because people assume they cannot speak and get surprised when they do. me being assumed automatic part time is not fault of part time AAC users.)

even been told am privileged to be nonverbal nonspeaking, privilege over speaking autistic who lose speech because in their mind it mean i get all support i need i get all recognition get all the representation. which. couldn’t be farther from truth.

all that. is fraction of reason i frustrate at “going nonverbal nonspeaking” and “when i was nonverbal nonspeaking.”

so many other words. lose speech. intermittent speech.

just want have own sub community where can find people similar experience.

[whitegownsandflowercrowns]

Ok so I’m not trying to call anyone out or insinuate things but I really don’t like it when people have “oh my god poor helaena she doesn’t want to be at the funeral she doesn’t want to hurt team black her trauma is being exploited by her evil bitch mother and brother uwu” takes.

Because yes, Helaena is a much kinder and gentler person than most of the Greens. Yes, she was barely involved in the war. But, believe it or not, she is actually capable of independent thought and comprehension beyond being “the nice one.”

She watched her son be killed in front of her. Her daughter threatened with rape. Her other son told that she wants him dead. All because of her sister and uncle, people that have no war with her or her children, people that only two weeks ago were enjoying her company at dinner. You’re telling me that she feels no anger or resentment towards these people? At all? That nowhere, nowhere in the corner of her mind, nowhere does she want the people of King’s Landing to understand their brutality?

Look I know that people already think that autistic people are sweet little innocent uwu small beans who could never feel a negative emotion towards anyone in their life and who are incapable of comprehending anything as complex as politics and war, but this is getting ridiculous. And you know what? Maybe when the season comes out she will have been forced to go to the funeral, and I’ll eat my words. But for now, can we please not do this?

[riding-with-the-wild-hunt]

today's vetted fundraisers. please continue to donate if you have the means and share regardless. these families urgently need our help and support

july 12th:

Aseel Asaad and her family of ten, including her chronically ill mother and her father, who needs treatment for a stroke (kr11,752 SEK/kr200,000 SEK) - @aseelooooo, verified by @/90-ghost

2-year-old Yousef, who needs lifesaving treatment for a blood disease, and his parents Samer and Dima (€2,904/€25,000) - @sameryussef91, @dima96yousef, verified by @/90-ghost

Rajaa, Khaled, and their one-year-old son ($1,058 CAD/$20,000 CAD) - @khaleedgaza, @rajaagaza, verified by @/90-ghost

Reuniting Mahmoud Helles with his wife (needs urgent treatment for kidney illness) for and their four children after seven years of separation (€21,868/€31,000) - @hillesmahmoud, verified by @/nabulsi

Mahmoud Khalaf's family of eight, including several children (€12,451/€30,000) - @mahmoudkhalafff, #151 on @/nabulsi and @/el-shab-hussein's spreadsheet

Munna Tashmali and her three children (this is the third time they've lost their home) (£2,463/£30,000) - @monashamali, verified by @/nabulsi

Safaa, Abed, and their two little children (€5,955/€50,000) - @abedalazeiz, @safaabed8, verified by @/90-ghost

Reuniting four children (one needing treatment for diabetes) with their parents ($6,093 CAD/$50,000 CAD) - @burningnightgiver, verified by @/90-ghost

Mohammed Al Manasra (needs care and medicine for chronic respiratory conditions), his wife, and their three little children (the family has already lost many members) (€21,834/€40,000) - @save-mohamed-family, #192 on @/el-shab-hussein and @/nabulsi's spreadsheet

Helping autistic 5-year-old Omar Jad Al-Haq recover and evacuating the rest of his family (kr12,521 SEK/kr200,000 SEK) - @doaa-jad, verified by @/90-ghost

Muhammad Atallah (who urgently needs surgery after being shot with an explosive bullet) and his family of 12, including a newborn (€1,699/€82,000) - @mohammed-atallah, verified by @/90-ghost

Orphaned twins Kareem and Carmen, their grandparents, and their two aunts ($7,402/$50,000) - @adham-89, verified by @/90-ghost

Muhammad Shehab, his wife Hyam, and their two young children (€1,072/€25,000) - @mohammedshehab333, @hyamshehab, verified by @/sayruq

Dentist Nasser Mohamed and his family of four (£6,807/£50,000) - @nassermohamd, verified by @/nabulsi

Ahmed Alanqar, his wife Dina, and their four young children, one a newborn (€26,422/€35,000) - @ahmednimer, #174 on @/el-shab-hussein and @/nabulsi's spreadsheet

Helping Tawfik Satoom continue his education ($612/$20,000) - @tawfiksatooom, #238 on the operation olive branch spreadsheet

Mohammed Haboub and his family of four (kr19,460 SEK/kr300,000 SEK) - @mohammedhaboubsblog, verified by @/90-ghost

not yet vetted:

Helping Asmaa Majed evacuate her family and complete her education ($298/$50,000) - @asma-1s-blog

Wafaa Resh and her family, including several children and her chronically ill mother (€390/€100,000) - @wafaaresh

Intisar Abushammaleh, her seven children, and her newborn granddaughter ($7,981/$40,000) - @entesarfares2013

Eman and her family of six ($339 CAD/$70,000 CAD) - @emhema1

Falastin Iwais's family (kr410 SEK/kr2,000,000 SEK) - reach out to @falasten-iw for more details

Helping Mohammed Bilal Rezeq complete his medical education and evacuate his family ($5/$30,000) - @mohammedbilals-blog

i know posts like these with a lot of links are unappealing, but please push past that for the sake of these families and individuals. they have as much right to live and pursue their dreams as anyone else

[icyg4l]

PAC: Why Did You Reincarnate as a Woman?

For this Pick-A-Pile, I am going to continue with my Women’s History Month series, where I uplift, inspire and/or relate to women on this platform. This reading is a bit of a life path reading and a past life reading but it’s more general. So take whatever resonates and leave what doesn’t. Without further ado, please pick a pile!

Left-to-Right (1-3):

Pile 1: If you chose this pile, this is definitely for my girls who like to move around. I think that you’re someone who was meant to be rich, you definitely have expensive taste. In a past life, I think that you were into the esoteric world and into the arts. You dibbled and dabbled in a little bit of this and that. But I don’t think that you were able to find stability in your past life. But you had a clear vision for yourself. So this time, you’ve reincarnated as a woman to gain financial stability and independence from the debts of your past life. In past lives, you could have been non-committal or always wanting to rush into things. And as a result, you reincarnated without ever having a satisfied spirit. As women, we are expected to be the nurturers and sidekicks to men. But you, Pile One, are definitely the main character. You’re a free spirit and a force to be reckoned with. You follow the beat of your own drum. But remember that the goal is to feel happy with where you already are. Your spirit has a lot of fire but don’t burn it out trying to be everywhere all at once. You were born to be the non-comformist and that’s okay.

Signs: Gemini, Taurus, Leo, Sagittarius.

Cards Used: 7 of Cups, 5 of Wands, Queen of Discs, 9 of Discs, 2 of Discs, Ace of Discs, The High Priestess, The Hierophant, 3 of Swords, The Star, 4 of Discs, The World, 8 of Wands and Justice.

extras: beyhive. saweetie. white nails. green eyes. born with heart issues. short-term career path. life path number five. pirates. bohemian style. theatre kid. paint. big city girl.

Pile Two: If you chose this pile, you’re definitely someone who is described as a pure spirit. What’s funny is I channeled those Snapped interviews of people saying their friend was “the light in a dark room”. You have the tendency to make friends easily. You’re very introverted. That’s how it’s supposed to be. In a past life, you could have suffered from depression; perhaps you were in a mental hospital. You were burdened with a reputation that wasn’t true to your character. You were an outcast. Maybe you could predict death & people despised you for it. I think you felt unloved and misunderstood. This life is supposed to be a clean slate for you, Pile Two. I think that there was a lot of gossip about you. But this time, you carried over the scars from being a target of gossip. Maybe you feel like you don’t really have any friends. Maybe you have a weird relationship with trust & you end up trusting the wrong people/none at all. Maybe you keep people at an arms length but you’re still a friend to all. I think that you reincarnated as a woman to reclaim your power and the right to be here on this Earth. You make the world go round, Pile Two. Don’t forget that. Never feel guilty for having fun.

Cards Used: Justice, The Chariot, Knight of Wands, Page of Cups, 3 of Cups, 3 of Discs, King of Wands, 10 of Wands, Queen of Swords, The Magician, Ace of Swords, 9 of Cups, Ace of Cups (RX), Ten of Swords, The High Priestess, 7 of Cups, Queen of Cups and The World (RX).

Signs: Sagittarius, Scorpio, Aquarius, Libra.

extras: nurse. break my soul. ellie goulding. codependency. microsoft. computer geek. smiley emoji. venusian. dmv. pills. fasting. making friends with outcasts. working with autistic children/elderly people.

Pile Three: If you chose this pile, you’re probably a person who struggles with their faith. This doesn’t come from nowhere & it’s not new to you. It’s in fact true to you. Today, you’re described as someone who is rebellious or maybe even lazy, but somehow you never complain about your circumstances. You’re like Trish De La Rosa. You keep a job! But in a past life, you were like a moody teenager. You never really saw the good in things. You were very negative. You held grudges and shunned people if they pissed you off. You could have been a gang member or you were an advocate for civil rights. Either way, your mindset was very black-and-white, no in between. As a result, I feel like you can struggle with following the rules today. I also feel like you have the tendency to be anti-religion/anti-Christianity, which is the basis as to why you struggle with your faith. Someone could have told you that you had “loose” ways as a child and this lit a fire under your ass. Misogyny in the church, but also in general is a reason why you have this fighter spirit. You have a fighter spirit, Pile Three. You’re here as a woman to take back what’s yours. You’re here to help other women realize their worth, reclaim their sexuality and transmute their pain into something beautiful, Pile Three and you will do it successfully.

Cards Used: Nine of Swords, The Star, The Emperor, Ace of Wands (RX), Ten of Swords (RX), Two of Discs, Eight of Cups, Queen of Cups, The Sun (RX), 4 of Discs, The World, 4 of Cups, Justice (RX), 8 of Swords, The Lovers (RX), The Hierophant, Princess of Swords.

Signs: Scorpio, Aries, Capricorn, Pisces.

extras: detention. good luck charlie. rapper. obsessed with cats. megan thee stallion. enough (2002). independent women. scarlet red. queer rights activist.