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ghost-proofbaby · 3 months

Note

Hi Ghosty!

Can I please have a blueberry summers solstice with Robin where her and the reader go on vacation with Robins parents but Robin still isn’t out to them yet so she makes the reader pretend to just be her “good friend” (sort of like the movie happiest season, but in the summer)

Thank you ily ♥️

giaa!!! thank you so much for your request, love <3 happiest season absolutely wrecked me at times because i've definitely had to endure a situation where i was the "good friend". naturally, this ending is sickly sweet and possibly unrealistic idk but... it's the kind of ending robin deserves <3

happiest summer

warnings: hurt/comfort, fear of coming out, the vaguest of vague mentions of past homophobia, and plenty of passing references to smut (none actually detailed), fem!reader. not edited. minors dni.

wc: 5.3k+

come enjoy a sweet summer treat with me <3

Things could be worse. Things could be so, so much worse.

It’s a mantra you have to repeat to yourself over and over the entire drive. A reassurance you try to express through squeezes of your girlfriend’s hand that cradles yours in the center console. A useless, pathetic reminder that can’t seem to really drill into your head as reality draws in closer.

Things could be worse, but that didn’t mean that this didn’t royally suck.

When Robin first introduced the idea of going on vacation with her parents, you’d been overjoyed. Bursting at the seams with all your excitement and immediate visions of spending quality time with your girlfriend’s family. A chance to make a good impression, a step in the right path towards the future. You hadn’t understood her blanched face as you’d agreed and immediately began rambling about it all – you hadn’t let her finish the entire proposition.

You were to go on vacation with Robin’s family, as her good friend.

Not as her girlfriend of several years that she’d met freshman year of college in the library, not as the woman she literally lives in a shared apartment with. You were to be introduced as nothing more than a best friend. An entire departure and erasure of the last four years, all for a weekend of supposed bliss with a family that didn’t even know the true Robin.

“You okay, babe?” Robin asks with a soft returning squeeze from her own hand, quickly bringing you back down to Earth.

You don’t really know if you’re okay. You’d probably need a dictionary definition of what it meant to be okay laid out in front of you, then several drinks, and then several Advils to take the edge off of your current headache before you could even ponder the question properly.

But you’re not about to burden the girl next to you with all your heavy feelings, choosing to lug them over your back as your own to carry before you smile sweetly just to lie right between your teeth, “Never been better.”

You have been better. You’d been so much better just this morning, when you’d woken up with Robin’s head between your thighs and her saccharine smile looking up at you from beneath the sheets. Before the world and this entire trip had been barrelling at you in full force.

But it’s fine. Things could be worse.

“I’m so excited for you to meet my folks,” Robin gushes as she takes her exit, sparing a quick glance in your direction, “I just know they’re going to love you. My dad makes the best scotcheroo bars, and- oh! Oh my God, did I ever mention how my mom is obsessed with puzzles? She probably brought at least twenty with her. I know it’s not the most exciting thing but if we at least try to do one with her for one of the nights, I just know she’ll be so happy, but also I understand if that sounds super fucking borin-”

“Robs,” you interrupt, leaning forward to look at her properly just as the car rolls to a pause at a red light, “I would love to do a puzzle with your mom. And I can’t wait to try your dad’s scotcheroos,” you bring her hand clutched in yours to your lip, and you take the time to let your lips brush across her knuckles, trying to savor the gesture while you still can, “I don’t care what we do this weekend, I’m just happy to be here. With you.”

She looks pretty like this. Eyes focused on you as her lashes flutter, a blush spreading across her cheeks as her lips are agape, watching you press each little peck across her skin. Hair still a bit messy from earlier during the drive when the two of you had the windows down, screaming along to Abba as she blazed down Highway 37.

Your lips twitch with a smile as you remember the way she didn’t even have her license when you met her, and you have to fully press your mouth to her hand to hide it.

“I’m happy to be here with you, too,” she whispers, voice edged with rasp as she refuses to take her eyes off of you.

Whenever she looks at you this way, it’s hard to not feel invincible. All the choking anxiety of the last hour’s drive finally tampers down with a sea of blue gazing at you with enough love to drown anyone, and resolve takes its place.

You could handle this. It was just one weekend at a lake house with her parents, playing pretend until the hours finally trickled by and you could return back home, immediately dropping the mask to love on your girlfriend in all the ways she deserves. To drown in blue eyes and honey lips until you were nothing but decay. It could all be worth it, whatever may be awaiting you for the next thirty six hours, when you could come back home with her.

It’s fine.

—

“Oh, aren’t you darling?”

“We’ve heard so much about you!”

“You’ve always been such a good friend to our Robin.”

Maybe, just maybe, you overestimated yourself.

The weekend was exactly what Robin had prepared you for. Her parents adored you, the family dog gave you sanctuary in any moments you’d felt the slightest bit awkward, and the view of the lake had been certainly to die for. You’ve had your fill of the best damn scotcheroos you’d ever tasted, you’d completed three puzzles with her mother, and you've seen more baby photos of Robin in the last two hours than you’ve seen of the woman herself as she helps her mom wash dishes in the kitchen. There’s a permanent musk of the lake lingering on your skin, covered with the chemicals of sunscreen reapplied religiously and sweetness of iced tea dripping down your chins after you made each other laugh too hard.

It’s almost picture perfect. If you close your eyes, it’s almost exactly as you’d always dreamed it.

Except you haven’t held Robin’s hand in two days. You haven’t had her lips pressed to yours in forty-eight hours, sticky from all the fresh fruit her mother’s been keeping on the counter for everyone. You haven’t been able to count the freckles across her chest as she strides over to you in her bikini, smiling brighter than the sun as droplets of the lake water shimmers across her skin.

It’s almost perfect, if perfect was a world in which you never knew the taste and touch of Robin Buckley.

There’s a gaping wound, an empty space at every table for every dinner at dusk, that you can’t ignore. No amount of polite conversation can fill it, no amount of private smiles from Robin across the room can bandage it. It demands to be seen; it cries out at every opportunity. When your hand twitched as you sat next to Robin on the couch to enjoy a movie, you’d felt it. When you’d had to bite your lip until it bled to avoid kissing her as she’d broken the surface of the lake in front of you the second afternoon during a much needed swim to cool off, you’d felt it.

Your bones and skin don’t just ache from the sun. Every atom in your body has been lit aflame, yearning for the girl who’s never felt further away.

“My mom was talking about taking a nature walk today,” Robin says as she sits on the edge of her bed to lace up her shoes. The two of you don’t even share a bed. Each night is ended in separate twin beds, on opposite sides of the room. More than just an ocean between you, “But it’s gonna be a hike – please dress for a hike. Every year she tries to trick me and say it’s just going to just be some casual bird watching, but then we end up walking uphill for a mile straight, and it’s miserable. Did you pack those boots like I warned you to?”

There’s a space there, too. An empty hole in the shape of the babe that would have slipped out so naturally if the two of you were back home.

You swallow the lump in your throat, “You already know you’re the only bird I wanna watch, Robin.”

You can’t even say the joke as loudly or proudly as you’d wanted to. It has to be nothing more than a whisper, words that get lost between the thin wooden planks making up the walls separating you and your friend from her parents.

You want to scream. You want to throw a tantrum. You want to kiss your girlfriend. You want to soothe the ache.

You’d highly, sorely overestimated yourself with this trip.

She still throws her head back in a cackle, though, eyes squinted so cutely and soft pink lips wide open as it echoes around the room. Around the cavern in your chest, “Shut up. You should ask my mom about all my potential names, though. I think every single one was a bird and she’d probably point them out the entire hike if you asked her t-”

“I’m actually not feeling that good,” you blurt out before you can stop yourself. You swear that the room is spinning, and you tell yourself it’s just from the sweltering heat outside leaking in, “I… Maybe I shouldn’t go on the walk with you guys. Stay back, lay down for a while.”

Robin deflates right before your eyes. You almost wish you could take the words back.

“What?”

The broken whisper widens the cavern inside, new prickles of hurt forming as you watch yourself disappoint the one person in the world you can’t imagine ever letting down. The person who always makes you want to strive to be better, the girl who’s always been your number one supporter. Your closest confidant, your shoulder to lean on when times got rough. The first person you’d greeted every morning of the last four years, and the last person you see before you’d close your eyes at night.

Your mind had been flooded with the what-ifs since the night before. Robin had been indulging her parents in the story of how you two met, but the memory had been something shaved. Something blurry and foggy with the vaguest unfamiliarity. Details forgone, chunks bitten out to make it all easier to chew for them.

You’d met in the library. She’d asked for help with a class neither of you can even remember now. She’d assumed you were the safest bet, the assigned textbook having been spread out on the table in front of you amongst pages of notes, but couldn’t have been more wrong. You were even more clueless than her on the subject.

And she tells the story as it was for that part. The beginning matches your memory perfectly. There’s extra bits missing, like the way you’d stuttered like a fool when she’d first approached you because you’d never seen someone make a button shirt look so damn good. Or how you’d nearly jumped out of your skin when she’d abruptly taken the seat next to you, nearly scorned by her knee bumping yours as your heart raced with the panic of oh, God, a cute girl is next to me. A cute girl is touching me. I’m going to do something stupid – this will never end well. But the Devil’s in the details, and you don’t mind those vacant bits.

But then she continues on with more of your shared story. More of the novel of you two, the one you held so sacred, spine worn and pages crinkled from how many times your hands chose to flip through the pages with such tender touches.

You’d asked for her number to arrange study dates, not because you’d fumbled over yourself as you’d tried to ask her to get coffee with you sometime the second week of knowing her. Intentions always clear once you’d found out she was like you – no room for friendly connotations when you’d just said it was a date. No studying involved when you’d spent the entire time sipping on lattes staring at her lips until she’d nervously asked if she could kiss you at the end.

You’re roommates because both of you realized how terrible the dorm situations were – not because you’d both gotten scolded one too many times for spending the night at the other's place, sleeping far better when curled up together than you did alone. Roommates, not giddy lovers who had nearly broken their shared bed the first night in their not-yet-unpacked apartment by jumping on it before collapsing into one another. Childish laughter and kisses that involved more teeth than appropriate all because neither of you could stop giggling.

You had watched in real time as Robin had written right over your history, dark blue pen inking over words written in the softest cursive, as if it had never even happened.

You knew she’d have to lie. You knew she couldn’t tell the truth. But it still hurt.

“I just think the heat’s getting to me,” you croak out, falling back onto your mattress, vision going blurry. It’s the heat – it has to be. It can’t possibly be tears, even if it all clears when you blink a few times. The burn in your throat and corneas alike were just from the layer of sweat on your skin, not from all the emotions clawing at you from the inside out, “I’ll be fine, I promise. I’ve got Buster to keep me company.”

The moment they left, you weren’t going to be bothering the family dog.

You were going to cry, and scream, and clutch your chest as you clung to the reminder that it was all fake.

Come Monday, you’d be back in your apartment with just Robin, and that dreadful blue ink marking the page would be erased.

She wasn’t burning it all down on purpose. She wasn’t scarring you intentionally. She was simply just doing what she had to do – she was putting up whatever act to continue to involve you in her life as you’d both craved. It didn’t matter if you’d always wished for it to be entirely different from your current situation, where she proudly introduced you as her girlfriend and would spare you salty kisses on a lake’s dock without any fear. She was doing what she could. She was offering you the best she was capable of, and you couldn’t lose sight of that.

“Do you think you have heat stroke?” her eyes go wide as she stands, already walking towards you.

Half of you wants her to just hold you, the other half wants to keep her six feet away from you at the risk of being injured any further with reality.

“Exhaustion, not stroke,” you weakly smile, taking the most subtle of shuffles back on the bed, making a compromise on whether you’d keep her close or far. The effort of distance, but not enough to stop her before she sits on the edge of your bed. The lonely sheets and family quilt that hadn’t been keeping you quite as warm at night as she did. “Seriously, Robs, it’s fine. Go with your parents, maybe see if your dad will take a bunch of photos of the birds with that fancy camera he’s got. I’m goo-”

“You’re not good,” she interrupts, a look in her eyes that pierces right through you. You’re a terrible actor, “You- What’s really wrong? Is everything okay?”

No. It’s not okay. I miss you. You’re right in front of me, and I miss you so fucking badly, it hurts to breathe.

“I told you,” you try to laugh, “It’s just the hea-”

“Please stop lying to me.”

More gaps, more spaces. This is the part where she would have reached out already to hold you. This is the part where she takes your hand in hers and lets her thumb sweep over your knuckles in the smallest and most erratic of swipes, somehow still managing to be entirely soothing.

She doesn’t. She can’t. The doors don’t have locks, and you won’t ask her to risk it.

“I’m not lying-” you start, but Robin is getting up off the bed in an instant. Fast enough to scare you, and fast enough to make you reach out to grab onto her.

She’s out of reach before your hand even makes a fist. Your first decisive move of this entire trip to try and touch her, try to hold her in your palm once more, and she’s nothing more than smoke and mirrors as she races out the door of the bedroom.

It’s fitting. The air between the gaps in your fingers currently feel exactly as tangible as she’s felt this entire weekend.

The tears can’t be stopped once you’re left alone. They don’t come about dramatically, they don’t slip out between gasping breaths and wretched sobs. Silent and salty, they slip down your cheeks effortlessly between small hiccups. Anyone on the other side of the door left open no more than an inch wouldn’t even hear you, notice you.

You love her. You love her so loudly, it’s deafening. You love her the way they love in all the movies, when the cameras will pine to the hopeless fools who scream from rooftops about the one they cherish most. You love her the way they love in all the novels, endless words for endless oceans you’ll brave just for one glance from her. You love her the way they do in all the photographs, in all the stories passed down for generations, in all the songs wailing over the radio static.

Four years. Four long and wonderful years that should have built the strongest of pillars to survive this one small bump in the road, but you’re crumbling at a faster rate than you’d ever thought possible.

You can’t even blame her – you don’t even want to.

When she finally comes back into the room, the storm has nearly passed. The clouds have rolled through, all the tears have fallen, and you try and see with some clarity between every single sniffle.

“I told my parents to go ahead without us…” she says, the last word falling off into an inaudible whisper when she catches sight of you.

Pink eyes, wet cheeks, broken heart. A heart not even broken at her hand, despite her having clear ownership of it.

She takes one deep breath, sharp and sudden, and you think she’s about to bombard you with questions once more. But then the breath is held for a few seconds – one, two, three, you count them – before she blows it back out and drags her feet over to the other bed. Away from you. Separate from you entirely, so far out of reach that everything threatens to begin to burn again.

She can’t love you the way she normally does. Not here, not behind curtains and restrictions. Not under the watchful gaze of oblivious parents.

You won’t even argue that her parents have been so kind, that she should be able to come out to them. It’s a line you refuse to cross. You’ve both witnessed it throughout your individual lives; everyone can play nice so easily until they know the truth.

You’d even shared your own handful of horror stories about your own family and friends with her. Probably scared her even worse when it came to the thought of finally coming out to her parents. Probably damned you to never be loved out loud as you were crying for, because now she knew of the risk that always existed, and it all felt a bit hopeless.

Thanksgiving afternoons spent snacking on whatever sweet treat her father had made as you all watched the parade on the TV. Christmas mornings spent in your childhood home. Grocery shopping on a Sunday night with her hand in yours.

They all felt intangible. She felt intangible.

It’s not until you can hear the quiet thud of the front door of the house shutting that you’re reminded that she’s still there. You’ve curled up on the head of the bed, knees to your chin, trying to bury all your sniffling into the skin rather than risk anyone hearing. You didn’t want her parents to see you like this; you didn’t want to have to explain. You couldn’t explain.

She’s perched on the other bed in a far less comfortable position. Her spine straight as a rod, almost appearing to be hovering over the carefully folded covers. Seconds pass in silence as you both hold your breaths, waiting on entirely different things.

You’re waiting for the final fracture – a bereavement that if you couldn’t have handled all this, you never should have come.

And she’s waiting on something entirely different.

Safety.

Once it’s been long enough that her parents are safely out of reach, she’s barrelling straight for you. No hesitation, no hiding, no friendliness.

One moment, you’re entirely alone, body growing cold on the bed. And the next, her arms are around you and her perfume is wrapping you up as your nose is buried in her neck.

“I’m sorry,” she gushes out despite the two of you being entirely alone for the time being, “I’m so fucking sorry, baby. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

She’d known what was wrong the entire time. You didn’t need to say it.

The gaps begin to fill in slowly. The baby lands somewhere deep within your chest, the squeeze in which she holds you to her own body convincing you she might believe she could simply slip you between her ribs entirely. Every kiss you feel her feverishly pressing to your forehead and temple repetitively balms it all over – all the burning, all the yearning, all the hollow aches you’ve tried to ignore the entire vacation.

She can’t love you as loud as you had cried for in front of her parents, but she can right now.

She can feel all that humid air surrounding you two with murmurs of soft I love yous and more unnecessary apologies. She can hold you until the hurt subsides. She can run those damn vapid sweeps over your shoulder until you’re leaning entirely into her, leeching off of all the comfort you can selfishly.

You don’t sob like you thought you might have if this happened. You just enjoy it.

You let yourself relish the feeling of being in Robin Buckley’s arms, because you don’t blame her. You love her. Loud enough for both of you, whenever she’ll allow it.

“Don’t be sorry,” you mumble, mouth muffled by the skin of her shoulder you’re still pressed tightly against, “God, Robs, it’s not your fault, I just-”

“It is my fault. I should have already told them by now. I shouldn’t be introducing you as my fucking friend, when you- You’re… you’re so much more than that,” she’s crying. You can hear it in her voice, and in an instant, the roles become reversed. You pull back just in time to get your own arms around her shoulder, her face hitting your chests hard enough you wince. Not because it hurt you, but out of fear it hurt her, “I can’t even tell you how much I hate it. I hate not getting to just grab your hand when we were out on the porch with them last night, and I hated not getting to cuddle during the movie, and I really hate not getting to sleep with you at night. Jesus, that part has fucking sucked. I don’t- I can’t-”

You cut off all her rambling as you smooth her hair down, pressing your nose into the crown of her head for just a second, a soft shush falling from your lips.

“I need you to listen to me,” you hold a steady voice. The storm had already come and passed; a certain determination had already taken hold of you. “Very, very carefully.”

Slowly, the two of you unfurl from each other, looking one another in the eye. Her hand stays in yours though, thumb moving jaggedly until you finally rearrange the two appendages so that you can be the one doing the soothing. Strong, smooth sweeps. Steady and unfaltering. Determined.

“You can’t love me loudly when they’re around,” you say very carefully, blinking when tears threaten to break free once more. It’s hard enough to look into her eyes and see all her own heartbreak existing – saying what you’re about to say might damn well destroy you both. “And that’s okay, alright? It sucks, and it’s terrible, but it just is. You don’t need to come out to them until you’re ready. I will never, ever put you on the spot like that, understood?” She nods, drinking in every word carefully, even as she squeezes your hand just a little tighter, “I just missed you. I missed kissing, and cuddling, and just… just being able to love you as loud as normal. That’s normal.”

You give pause, offering some space for her to respond, but the words that come out her mouth are the last thing you wanted to hear.

“I thought you were going to break up with me.”

Your heart drops, shatters on the wooden floor below, shards flying out to mingle with all the dust and dirt alike.

“What?” you breathe out, nearly laughing. The thought that you could ever break up with the woman in front of you is almost comical, “Oh my God, baby. Darling. No, holy fuck. You think it’s that easy to get rid of me?”

In all of it, all of your storms and all of your turmoil, the last thing you’d thought of was breaking up with Robin. If anything, you’d been more scared of her breaking up with you.

She wetly laughs, and you can’t help your hand from coming up to cup her cheek, swiping away her tears faster than they could fall, “I don’t think I’d consider anything about this weekend easy.”

“It hasn’t been,” you immediately agree, “It really, really hasn’t been. Hardest weekend of my life, scout’s honor. But you know what it comes down to?”

The softest of pauses, the largest of silences to fill with the love you have screaming inside you for her. The floorboards know, not so much as creaking. The trees know, carrying themselves with the breeze to tap on the window pane just for a glimpse. Even the cicadas know, falling eerily silent.

She’s looking at you with ocean eyes, and you’re drowning in the best way. Finding home on her shores once more.

“I would die for you in secret,” you say plainly, “And that means I can also love you in secret, if you need me to.”

You’d let the entire world smother you alive if it meant you still ended your days with Robin Buckley in your arms.

A tough pill to swallow, but she’s worth it. For every midnight impromptu baking session that has occurred between you two, in which she’d end up with flour all over her face and eventually in her hair when your fingers tangled up in it as she finally kissed you. For every scrunch of her nose in the beginning of your relationship, when you were still learning how she took her coffee and she’d power through cups far too bitter for her just to spend the morning with you. For every night spent tangled up in the sheets, your name falling from her lips in a prayer as you’d drink in every aspect as you could, happy to die with her thighs framing your face as though you may belong in the Louvre.

Robin is worth it. You can swallow your pride, you can handle the hurt.

“I don’t want you to have to love me in secret,” she confesses, almost sheepish, beginning to play with your fingers in her lap, “I’m tired of being asked if I’ve found any boys that catch my eye on campus when I’m unlocking the front door of our apartment, our home. I don’t want them acting all shocked when I announce I’m bringing you on family vacations instead of a boyfriend. I just… I think I’m ready.”

You can’t squeeze her hand tight enough, “You’re ready to tell them?”

Just for confirmation. Just to not get ahead of yourself.

“Yeah,” she nods, small smile, “Yeah, I think I a-”

She doesn’t finish the sentence before you’re pressing forward to kiss her. Hard, soft, short, long. It’s a myriad of kisses that you can’t distinguish the exact pattern of. You just want her lips on yours, her hands creeping up to tangle in your hair as you nearly rip her shirt, tugging her close as can be. Even when she can’t keep kissing you back, mouth breaking out into a broad smile, you want it all.

And even when there’s a sudden clearing of a throat from the doorway, you still want it all.

You jump apart, fear racing through your veins when you look up to see Robin’s mother standing there.

She saw the two of you. Kissing. Clinging to one another. She fucking saw you.

It doesn’t matter if Robin had just claimed she was ready, she surely hadn’t meant it like this. Every terrible outcome had yet to be calculated. The two of you hadn’t had the discussions of what to do in worst case scenarios. Robin hadn’t mentally prepared for this – you hadn’t mentally prepared for this.

“Mom!” Robin shouts, looking about ready to cry once more, absolutely petrified, “I- It’s not- I didn’t-”

It’s not what it looks like.

That’s what she was trying to say, and you were about to open your mouth to offer all the possible support you could, but Mrs. Buckley cuts you both off.

“Your dad decided he wasn’t up for a hike today,” she says as though she hadn’t witnessed anything. Looking entirely unaffected, save for the slightest twitch of a smile, “We did find a cute squirrel that he took a photo of, if you girls want to see. Most darnedest thing – too adorable, honestly.”

Your brain genuinely short-circuits. You glance at Robin, and she’s just as stunned as you.

“We were talking about putting on a movie, if you want to join us,” her words are becoming more careful, more calculated. Finally, as she turns to walk back out the door, one nicely manicured hand resting on the frame, she pauses to drop the other shoe, “We could always skip the movie, though, if you’re ready to finally tell us all about your lovely girlfriend, Robin. I’d love to hear all about what you’ve actually been up to at college, dear, and I’m sure your father would, too. Only if you’re ready, of course.”

The words aren’t rude, aren’t judgmental, aren’t harsh. Every worst case scenario flies out the window as Robin’s mother offers the sweetest smile you’ve seen from her yet. Like she knows she’s finally looking at her actual daughter. As if she’d just simply been waiting this whole time for this moment.

Best case scenario.

Only if you’re ready.

You look at Robin, and she’s never looked more ready in her life, hand finding yours once more.

“I- Okay,” she says with a slow-spreading smile, “Yeah, me and my girlfriend will be right out, mom.”

Not a friend. Not a roommate. Finally, finally, you’re hers once more. Wholly and entirely, this time.

“Perfect,” Mrs. Buckley claps her hands, seeming genuinely excited, “I’ll break out your dad’s leftover scotcheroos. See you girls in five.”

A breath of fresh air leaves your lungs once you’re alone with Robin once more, and she’s already climbing out of the bed, hand holding yours in order to drag you to stand with her.

“C’mon,” she laughs, and you can’t help but giggle as well, “Let’s go eat some scotcheroos with my parents, girlfriend.”

Screaming from the top of the rooftops. Pages turning, blue ink fading to black, pressed along with the same care as it always has been. Roaring, deafening, loud.

All her love and pride is palpable as you say, “After you, babe.”

#summertime sweetness #robin buckley #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley x you #robin buckley fanfic #stranger things #gia <3 #ghost's stories

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yourlocalartsonist · 5 months

Note

Heya! I wanted to ask about your fic, "Moths Fly In Packs", that I wanted to know for a while. Forgive me if it was answered or not:

What was your main inspiration for the actual story? Was it just a Rise AU? Did you automatically create Salena for this story? I wanna know the origins of story and what got you writing the first chapter!

Heyyyyy bestie how's it goinnnnn~

Aight so this is actually one of my favorite things to talk about cuz my ass cannot shut up about this fic but it was quite a few things that got mushed together to create the fic

First off, it was originally gonna be a comic! I just got heavily back into Rise after watching the movie in January 2023 and yk the show was cancelled for a while now. I really missed the show and already read through like every headcanon, x reader, and whatever the fuck I could find at the time so to satiate myself, I decided to make a story of my own! That was kinda already the drill for me anyway; if there's a piece of media I adore that never got the love it deserved, I continue the story myself

It was gonna be a comic focused with the boys as the main characters just like the show and would be seen as a continuation. I wasn't planning on releasing it any time soon since ya know... comic but Salena was indeed still gonna be in the story. She was just gonna be a more minor character? Not background, more like on the same level as April or Splintz; pops up often but not always

And then I realized that was a stupid fucking idea cuz no way in hell I would ever survive the torture of making comics :D I don't even enjoy making em for the most part so yk-

I had a different idea on the side. I was thinking it'd be interesting to have a separate fic version of the story but told from Salena's perspective so the audience would understand her more. But then as I kept developing the story, I realized this was the more interesting version anyway! I had a shit ton of ideas and a lot of topics I could critique and commentate on. It was genuinely fucking interesting the more I looked at it, even tho I was hella nervous no one would care for my random ass OC enough to accept them as the main character over the boys-

On a more personal note, I was going through a lot of shit prior to rejoining Rise which made my senior year of high school get a very depressing start. But in a way, watching the movie and the show saved me. Not even exaggerating, this show's done a lot for me than I'll ever be able to express. When I thought about making the fic and settled on it being the story I tell, I wanted to express all my feelings and hardships I've been through. I wanted to explore them through Salena and externalize a lot of the messages I learned and Rise felt like the perfect outlet for that; the characters just genuinely fit

That's the real reason why I had the first chapter out in like a month or two. I wasn't even sure whether to post it, it was entirely an impulse move. But I don't regret it one bit

I really do hope this story find the people I want it to. People who felt just as alone as I did, I want them to know they aren't. There are people out there who understand, who've been through the same, and who've survived and gone onto thriving. I wanted Salena to feel relatable to them since she's quite literally the first character I've made who's truly based off of myself

On the flip side, I also hope it'll reach people who have no idea what I'm talking about and haven't ever experienced what Salena has. I want this story to be an opportunity for them to step into someone else's shoes and learn how to empathize. That was why I loved books as a kid; they helped me learn to empathize. So maybe, my story can do the same. Help people to empathize with folks like Salena who are struggle and have no idea how to say so

Sorry for the long ass ramble. I genuinely do believe the origins of this fic is extremely interesting so I really love talking about it ;w;

Cheers to Chapter 9 finally being out!

#save rottmnt #rottmnt #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt asks #ask box #rottmnt moths fly in packs #rottmnt mfip #mfip asks #rambles #rottmnt rambles #fanfic recs #fanfic ramble #fanfic ramblings

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starkraivennemad · 4 months

Text

Rock Star - Chapter 10: Radioactive

“…You choke down your tears, in order to survive Doing what you must, to get through the day But when you least expect it, your pain will revive Because buried hurts, never stay buried, No, they never go away…”

“There you have it folks, an excerpt of a teenaged Jim Moriarty reciting Buried Hurts.”

“Oh, Blake, Blake, Blake you bloody wanker ! Where did you GET that?!” An incredulous Jim hooted with laughter. “Thank goodness that was after puberty and my voice deepened. Jesus Christ, man!”

“Wait! There may be recordings out there from before that? Did you have a high pitch?” Blake teased. “Call out to all former primary school classmates of Jim! If you have a verifiable copy of little baby Jim’s high-pitched rambling, well, anything , please, please, for the love of God, PLEASE, send it to us here at ZROC radio so we can embarrass him some more!”

“Please, please, for the love of me, DON’T!” Jim countered good naturedly. “I had all but forgotten my very short stint as The Storyteller on school radio. I did enjoy telling stories. Still do. Now the stories are all in song.”

“And that is the perfect place to end this. Looking forward to seeing you at the Music Madness Benefit Festival.”

“Yeah, it’s been a few years since the band and I performed there. Looking forward to it myself, mate. And oh! Congrats to the contest winner! I’ll promise to be utterly scandalous . Bring protection.”

“Moriarty everybody!” Blake pressed a button that sounded like applause and cowbells before the switch out to commercial. He waited for a signal from their sound tech, then gave a thumbs up to Jim. “And we’re done.” Blake removed one headphone from his ear. “Thanks for stopping by, man.”

Jim waited until the light that signaled his mic was still hot went out then removed his headphones altogether and stood pulling on the knit shirt he had removed in the warm studio. “Thanks for letting me stop by. You know how I loathe these things.” He made a stay seated motion, when Blake started to rise “You know, I know the drill. You have what(?) 23 seconds now till the next commercial and maybe another 15 after before the next song? I know the way out.”

“Go on then. I’m sure that’ll make your new babysitter happy. Question: will he crack if he smiles?”

When he arrived, Moran had walked in ahead of him and silently checked the booth before Jim was allowed to enter. It was something Devlin had never done. Blake had raised a very curious brow at Jim who ignored the unasked questions there.

I am NOT about to explain about the letters.

Jim looked out of the broadcast booth. Clad in a dark navy bespoke suit, crisp white shirt, and dark navy tie, he could have been a mannequin. Nothing on the usually stoic Sebastian moved but his chest as he breathed and his eyes as he constantly scanned.

“Some days, I believe so.” Jim answered. “It’s a clause in the job description.”

Even if he is texting right now. Something he usually does not do.

Moran generally maintained his default expression of boredom and yet completely alert to all around him. He spoke to no one while on duty that was not work related. His silent, but deadly mein was apparently catnip to several of the women and a couple of the men. Jim had noticed how several people, more than accustomed to star talent on scene and were barely fazed by his presence, had found reasons to pass by the bodyguard. Jim knew Moran saw all of them.

They could have been a mote of airborne dust for all the attention he’s paying them.

Moran had ignored all but one, a brunette that dared to get his attention.

The brunette was bold. Bold enough to reach out and attempt to touch him only to find her wrist caught in a vice grip she could not pull out of. A grip that was painful. Jim saw the tiny pull on Sebastian’s lips when the grip tightened and the woman winced.

Oooh I think he liked that - thank you for the diversion darlin’, perfect!

Sebastian dealt with the woman with one hand and took out his phone with the other, a strange expression crossing that man’s face as he spoke.

He almost NEVER answers his phone - this is perfect!

“Off out.” Jim grinned and headed out the side door.

Jim was halfway down the hall in the opposite direction when he heard Sebastian bellow.

“ THAT FUCKING LITTLE SHITE! ”

Read and Comment on AO3

#mormor #jim moriarty #sebastian moran #rock star #bbc sherlock

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sharonisthebettercarter · 6 months

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Billy and fucklander had opportunities to change and didn't take them. Ryan will have an opportunity to change and will try to change... only for his deadbeat dad and/or billy to take it from him because billy is at a point of no return and deadbeat is a life ruiner. Will any of this excuse some of Ryan's future involvement/behaviors? No... But it makes him more sympathetic than spermdonor and Billy combined.

goddammit anon. you're killin' me here. seen a couple of these answered by other folks in fandom so i'm guessing you have your thoughts written somewhere and then copy/paste them into people's inboxes?

i mean, i get the havin' thoughts lmao (i do~<3!!) but if you have so much to say/rant on and want specific people to respond, why not make your own posts and tag people about it? don't get me wrong, i don't mind answerin' a ramble or two here and there but sometimes it gets a lil excessive. 6 asks in one go is a lot, *especially* when the topics are *stressful* instead of *fun*.

scratch that, getting *ONE* of these asks can be a lot.

*SIX (6)* at one time is too fucking many, i can be overwhelmed too. i'm not just a place for you to dump these and expect a response, i'm a fucking living breathing entity behind this screen (who instead of being friendly, *can* delete and ignore them, need i remind)

do not abuse my kindness or patience, do not mistake either for weakness.

i'ma need a LONG ass break after this. leik. 666 months long cause holy fuck. gotdamn. gimme a breather. also still queuing shit so asking more shit and or bombarding me with asks *isn't* gonna make it come any faster.

it comes when it comes, i put it in the queue and shuffle.

you know the drill, you don't get 6 separate answers, i'm condensing into one and usin' italics and bold for the asks

anywho~ not true.

yes for billy, he is aware of his actions, his plight, and knows better, but he chooses to do worse. (altho i do recognize first hand how difficult addictions are to deal with, and billy is absolutely an addict.)

literally no for homelander. people who are victims of grooming like homie are kept in a state of childlike dependency/belief so that they *can't* leave their abuser, have no choice or 'oPpOrTuNiTy' to leave them, *OR* will only go from one abuser to the next because they've been *conditioned* to expect the abuse.

i feel like you keep saying that but i'ma be point blank this time. it's ableist, victim blaming, and completely undermines the situation homelander went through/is still going through. repeating it won't make it true, it's wrong, always was and will remain wrong. all you're doing is ignoring what his actual situation is and what has actually happened to make yourself feel better about hating him.

and that's not even to say you can't hate him or that his actions should be excused. literally no one is saying that and i don't think i've ever seen anyone actually say that unironically (not saying it can't happen but i'm guessing it's pretty rare to come across (at least outside of the maga chuds) since most people just hate him) but you should at least be fucking honest/aware about his situation/*NOT DISMISSIVE*.

i'm including another post i added resources to that debunk this gross (and very ignorant) claim. please give legitimate psychology the time of day before you go around repeating ableist/victim blaming talking points.

*even billy* to certain degrees, should get his addiction acknowledged, instead of denied or *enabled*, because addiction in *all forms* is a debilitating, life destroying THING that is fucking difficult to fight. it's like it's own form of battle with an abuser, except the only other person is *you*. becca alone should be example enough that empathy and compassion can *help* in ways people downright *refuse* to give the time of day (even if i do lament billy using her like his 'new' addiction... the cunt--)

seriously. i'm not kidding, take the time to educate yourself instead of just being angry (at fiction i might add) all the time. that stress can't be good for you, *anger is proven to make people dumber*, and otherwise the only response you'll get from me is going to be, 'actually you're wrong, here's why--*linked resources*'.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"

you repeat ableism and victim blaming? i'm going to call you out on it (if i don't just delete it, bitch i am TIRED--), you will not get a different response from me, i will always try to correct misinformation or disinformation when i can, however that may come.

*you* have a choice, but you keep *choosing* to ignore the resources i provide because they make you confront your own biases, but i ain't playin' on these subjects.

that is a no go in this court.

ryan will need someone to show him he has a choice and that he is worthy of love no matter where he goes or who he's with. again, this goes back to psychology but ryan is still only a child. his brain is literally not developed enough to make these decisions himself/be immune to influence (which just realistically, absolutely no one is regardless of age)

i feel for ryan, i *worry and hope* for him far more, but the trauma faced here is not a contest. please do not do that, that is super fucked. and even if it were--

homelander. homelander would win and take all the fuckin' prizes, there is literally *no one* in this series that has had shit worse than him (he was literally fucking tortured from the second he was created and then fucking groomed leik wut the fuck--)

honestly, it's kind of a fuckin' miracle he didn't turn out *worse*.

*and even then*, what homelander faced would be neither excuse nor reason to dismiss any of the trauma any of the characters have faced, even and especially as a result of him, and vice versa. sympathy overall is subjective. people generally sympathize most with characters they personally relate to.

i tend to sympathize most with the characters who have been through/currently going through the worst of it. (and obviously all the trauma is valid, but my brain tends to prioritize people in immediate crisis dependent on the crisis, which honestly i do feel we should normalize and apply on a global scale just for humanity's sake but i digress, generally this means it depends on the story and where it is in a given moment. but it doesn't mean my sympathy for the other characters has gone away.)

*you* *sypmathize* most with *ryan*, and i get that. that's valid, but it's also personal and subjective, not objective here. it's also subject to change depending on how ryan turns out i'm guessing...

but you're equating people with their actions when--those are two *separate* things.

UGH okay next ask--

That Billy and starlight getting along scene was rushed, like.....there was no build-up to it nor was is a slow burn. Also, starlight and Billy should've started throwing hands at each other or at least curse each other out. Truce my ass, people who hate each other in real life, do not get along all of a sudden, especially if someone they care about is hospitalized. Also, starlight should've chose violence when she and bitchy butcher met a 2nd time. If I saw the person who needlessly, shot my ass again, I would've started to curse their asses out and have them catch these hands.

... what the fuck, first off.

'getting along' is a stretch to describe what happened and this is kinda fucked anon (i will get to that cause you're making me worry)

things *were* tense when they met again, they were literally hurling insults at each other while hughie had to mediate. butcher literally called her 'chum' for shark infested waters, and starlight called him out on his bullshit bigotry with 'i know a guy just like that, he's got a flag for a cape'. hun, where the hell were you when they *were* literally silently seething and fighting *ON SCREEN*???

what *actually* happened was that they took a moment to *set their differences aside* because someone they *both* loved/cared for was in literal danger of *DYING*.

at that point, it didn't matter how *they* felt. hughie was in *crisis* so *HUGHIE*, NOT THEIR FEELINGS, became *priority*.

*after* the crisis was averted, they had a moment of playful banter about the person they just made sure was *safe* and would *survive*. the tension of the crisis was gone, and they could take a breath. that they happened to be around each other was just a fact of the matter. but *hughie* was still their priority and common ground.

so i guess you could say it's rushed, but the situation was rushed over all (of course it was, time crunch with a fuckin' crisis, hellooooo???) but what the hell were you expecting, for them to fight and argue in the *hospital* and potentially kill hughie with their stress and anger instead of letting him rest easy????????

what happened during those scenes is genuinely, a completely normal and very human reaction for people to have. prioritizing *crisis* over animosity. i.e. being normal ass rational people who don't let their hatred/anger take complete control over them.

annie (very obviously) is *not* one of those people and never has been.

for butcher, it *depends* on how he's feeling i guess, but there's clear implication that he leans on people *like hughie* or becca to *pull him back* from that place. in that moment, his worry for hughie outweighed his hate boner for supes. that happens sometimes.

and i gotta gotta gotta be clean with you on this hun, cause jesus fucking christ was this one loaded.

if you *genuinely* feel that *fighting* and *hatred* with someone you dislike should take *priority* over someone you both *love* fucking *DYING* right next to you?

you *NEED* to seek help, *anger management* (if you have the resources and i hope you do, sincerely)

from a *real* therapist, who can *actually* help you. (NOT ME)

or at least, idk, look up a couple videos maybe??

and listen, i'm not saying this to hurt you.

but i am getting strong STRONG bad *BAD* 'billy butcher'/'homelander' levels of toxic masculinity and irrational aggression from you here (not necessarily towards me i mean, just in general, dial it back, hun)

anger does not make you better, right, or stronger. anger *DOES NOT* solve problems.

*anger* makes you *stupid*, and going with the first knee-jerk angry response that pops into your head is a sign of *weakness*. it is an example of the *lack of impulse control* that many can and often do struggle with (society is fuuuuuuuucked...)

there are *healthy* outlets that can help you let off steam and cope productively, and i guarantee you it will lengthen your life and allow you to live happier the quicker it gets addressed!

shit, you can even try out something as simple as playing harvest moon--any of them! my darling friennnnn~<3 suggested it to me and whoopdi-fuckin'-do, it's actually *HELPING* me~!!

you seem to love to hate butcher and homelander (and i'll be fair, i do too! even if i love them just as much lmao) but i'm starting to get the vibe that it's more so because you see some major parts of *yourself* reflected in them.

it is *okay* to have fight in you. it is *okay* to feel angry. that's *natural*.

it is *not* okay to use that anger as a means to *only* be destructive, whether internally or externally. that is the whole point of what makes butcher and homelander wrong, but you are stuck and determined to commit the same error or see it committed by others, like ryan.

it's okay to have spunk and spirit, be a little assertive, live your life, enjoy yourself.

but giving into your anger at the drop of a hat?

i promise you (from fucking experience) it will only *RUIN* YOU and your life.

at the *very least*, learn to recognize the most obvious factor here.

you are not other people.

other people are not you.

just because *you* would have a certain reaction to something (or believe you would because we never really know until it happens to us), *does not* mean *others* would have the *same* reaction to the same thing.

*OTHER PEOPLE* reserve the right to their own thoughts, feelings, experiences and appropriate *reactions* to whatever the situation may be.

**and regardless of what those may be, they are no less or more valid than you or yours for it**

actually, if i'm being completely real here, choosing *violence* over civility is what *should* be frowned upon. but you are *literally* making a complaint about them choosing to be *civil* instead of violent.

what the fuck.

NEXT--

I think had Becca survived season 2 in it's entirety, Ryan would've grew to be a caring and generous person, but comes from a religious family, which might make him unpleasant at times. It's possible he would be raised with the concept of gender roles (I mean, it's possible that Becca didn't get an abortion is because she's religious, why else would that st. Nick necklace would imply that). Though, I could be reaching because we did see her gouge a nazi's eye out

wut?

WUT???

just... honestly wut?? not leik in a bad way. but WUT???

this one is weird. i do think you're reachin' here because *just* because someone is 'religious', doesn't mean they're anal and obnoxious about it.

case in point, *ANNIE*

she's religious (and still religious tho not as strongly/has obviously struggled but accepted the cross from her mom at the end of s2) but she's not a bible-thumper or puritan, and feels uncomfortable about those sects of religion.

you also seem to underestimate the *severe* penchant for violence many *many* religious people have.

do the crusades not ring a bell to you? the nazis cited religion as their justification for their actions more often than not.

but religion itself or being religious is not an inherently bad thing (i'm critical because of how it's used/what i personally went through because of it), overall, it's just a tool that many normal people just use to have hope or make their lives a little easier stomach.

it give the placebo effect, if you will.

it's in the same boat as money. money itself is called the 'root of all evil', but in reality, it's just a tool that holds no moral weight one way or another. (it's the *people* who are moral/immoral or use it in such ways)

morality itself is subjective depending on the time period and the values that society holds at a given time. humankind is still in the process of trying to reconcile and rationalize a globally acceptable form of morality that prioritizes humanity as a whole rather than one specific group, and it's been... not great? very slow going lmao but i digress.

religious *text* is a bit of a different story, most bibles/written stories are fuuuuuuuuuucked one way or the other. but again, then you're looking at who's a bible-thumper and who isn't.

i will say that if becca had survived, things would def probably be a lot better for ryan. but it would be a different tense situation with either them in hiding/trying to find a new safe place (i like to think they'd leave the country) or with her *in* the safe place raising ryan.

and either *begging* billy to come home (cause she always believes in him :((((((((((((((() from his revenge rampage, or billy being there and raising ryan--while seething because 'homelander'...

this is dark, but i get the feeling it would eventually lead to an altercation, either where billy leaves to go after homelander and the above happens, or billy murders the kid in front of becca/finds a way to sell him back to vought (like becca had said he would and both knew he'd try again) to supplement the bottled in rage that had been slowly chipping away at him...

leik. s3 alone gave a perfect example of a seething billy/what his violence withdrawal does to him. and that was with him *still* getting the little bits sprinkled in here and there so--

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

Ryan's life has consisted of nothing but hardships. He was isolated and sheltered from the outside world, living in a compound for a good majority of his childhood. He lost his rarely saw her real mother, and Grace served as his primary maternal figure afterwards. Got gaslighted by Billy because billy's connection to underages is too damn weak. Homelander, the only biological parent that he has left, sees him as an extension of himself, and treats Ryan more like a pawn than a son. Shitlander is going excessively control Ryan's life, manipulates, and gaslight him constantly when ryan displeases him. Spermdonor won't even view Ryan as his own person - to him, Ryan is a pawn that's his property to use in any way he wants, so he plays with Ryan's emotions to have the upper hand. Even though Spermdonor will treat him like dirt, Ryan will desperately try to please his deadbeat, and garner any sort of attention from him. If Ryan finally escapes the clutches of spermdonor and Billy to find others who will help him rather than hinder him, he'll be content and genuinely happy. Though, I wouldn't be surprised if his happiness is stripped violently from him when Homelander or billy take that away as punishment for ryan "betrayal". I wouldn't be surprised that down the line, Ryan snaps and becomes a hostile, hateful, bloodthirsty, and vengeful supe at the end of the series because Billy didn't bother to ask Marvin for help in terms of handling children and Homelander is a life ruiner.

some incoherency here, but i mean... that is history repeating itself??

baby, this one coulda been your own post. half time i ain't even really sure what you want me to say with these??? sometimes i feel like you're just throwing shit out to see if you can trigger me?? but that's the general paranoia talkin' (or at least i'd like to think i know myself well enough to say that)

but i gotta be honest, sometimes ya say stupid shit--(which fair enough, we all do at one point or another myself included~), but leik...

i hope this isn't too much to ask but...

maybe *think* before you *act*??

a lot of these read like impulse and like they're not thought out very well, but maybe if you took a moment/step back to make your own post/think about the thoughts you put into them, you could idk, make more sense of them i guess?? better organize it??

what do you mean with the first part??

ryan was in a compound, but he wasn't purely isolated/sheltered or in a lab. yeah, still not great (as no interaction with other children/general city life has given him some anxiety and that much is clear). but that can also happen when kids move from rural areas to cities in general. his real mother (becca) was also his *primary* caretaker, almost *always* with him unless she dropped him off at tutors/had to step away for a moment.

leik what's going on here, are you confusing baby homelander with ryan??? cause the baby they showed us in a lab and the kid getting experimented on was *young homelander*, NOT ryan.

but generally speaking, before homelander showed up, that kid was fuckin' happy, just livin' his life? that's what makes homelander's sudden appearance so fucking traumatic. the kid didn't really want or need saving at the time, but now he legit does.

homelander actually... sees ryan as an obligatory way to gain affection/love. you have to understand, homelander functions almost entirely on the belief that he is unloveable/people will abandon him/call him a monster/hate him/etc.

that's why he defaults on instilling fear to make them 'respect' him or *fear leaving his side* no matter how badly he mistreats them, that's clear enough when his relationship with stormfront starts and he threatens her for lying to him.

homelander has never had real family or love and is very desperate for both. he doesn't have a full understanding of it either. but ryan fits with the 'idea' of both. because blood family is 'supposed' to 'love unconditionally' and ryan is 'blood'.

on the flipside, ryan is very intelligent/quickly learning how to use his powers and what he can/can't get away with--due to who his father is. don't underestimate the kid, because homie is so stunted and ryan is still clearly very *special* to homelander (if for the wrong reasons), i think he can and will use that to his advantage.

ryan already hits all the tickers for *being* what homelander *wants* him to be, mostly by existing.

a boy

has powers

aaaaaaaaaaand that's pretty much the end of homie's list lol. and we can see at the end of s3 that *this* alone is *enough* for homelander to *actually* listen to and be manipulated by his son, not the other way around (ryan gets him to leave rather than killing billy)

you're under the impression that homelander will be a controling parent, and i think in some ways, he *could* be. but most of what we *have* seen is implying something *very* different will happen.

apart from the roof scene, he hasn't really mistreated ryan. he actually did really good with ryan's anxiety/has shown general patience but it's clear he's trying to gain ryan's trust/affection so i guess we could technically interpret this as the love bombing phase?? still, most of what we're shown was him mistreating *becca* or others, but not ryan specifically (he def does set some monumentally shitty examples tho)

either way, homelander *still* wants love and approval, *even* if and *especially* if it comes from *family*/his *son*. he's also a victim of grooming that still hasn't grown from the dependency that made him have on his abusers. believe it or not, that actually leaves him open/vulnerable to *ryan* being the one to control and manipulate him. granted ryan is a child. but 'he knows not what he's done/capable of' and all that jazz.

don't get me wrong, i do picture it's gonna be a fucked dynamic and homie will get 'controlling' to a degree. but don't think the kid is so damn helpless there.

we're more likely to see complete minilander spoiled brat ryan and full blast karen 'my kid can do no wrong/*HE* can do whatever the fuck he wants!' homelander than anything else.

ryan *may* try to desperately please homelander, but homelander *will* try to desperately please ryan. it's likely to create a very toxic and enabling 'we only have each other' dynamic because that is the point both have been driven to.

but again, history repeating itself

anywho~<3

The man who threw a can at Ryan back in season 3, is the same reason why people throw shit like rocks or just plainly spit at offsprings of tyrants.

i think it was a cup/soda?? but that's not really the point.

i'll be blunt here.

**the sins of the father are not the sins of the son**

just because people react like animals and blame innocent kids for what their parents do, doesn't make them right. i'd say it makes them dead wrong and very fucking stupid actually, because the kids *have no choice* of the family/blood they are born into, or even what they're initially taught to believe.

that man was a fucking moron. i won't say he deserved to die for something that didn't actually hurt ryan, they could have pressed charges for assault of a child on him and made a public spectacle of him and ruined his life (*that* would be rightly deserved)

but that was a *WILDLY* stupid thing of him to do, *knowing* homelander's powers, supposedly being a starlight supporter (which means he would believe homelander is evil) and *knowing* that this was his fucking *child*.

only the weak, childish, and stupid take aim at the innocent for the actions of a tyrant.

play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Not only Ryan looks the most like spermdonor and is said spermdonor's son, but a painful reminder of what happened to Becca. Billy is going to despise/resent Ryan more nonetheless. No thanks to Billy's weakass connection to kids either. Besides, Billy already started showing signs of deflection after season 3, episode 3.

billy's been a cunt from before the story began, where have you been lmao?

billy already resents ryan more so for what he is (a supe freak), but i would def say who he's related to probably doesn't help. still, despite it, ryan is also the last remnant of becca that he wants any connection to (since he's absolute dogshit to her other family but still mainly for his promise to her).

the thing is, ryan is still a useful tool/something to hold over homelander's head, and that, albeit fucked up, makes him worth something in billy's fucked up head. if he hadn't made the promise to becca, ryan would probably already be dead.

i do think he will look for excuses to give into his urges/hatred and break his promise to becca (as nearly the whole of s3 was~) if not use ryan as his trojan horse and be the first person infected with that virus and send him back to homelander--

ANYWHO--

next time this ask bug bites you, for the love of satan, take a moment to take a step back and gather your thoughts, and maybe make your own post/rant on your own blog for it instead of sending literal barrages of asks to people (idk if you do this to others or how many/often, but if they don't answer 'em there might be a reason for that.)

or at least compile it neatly enough into *ONE* (SINGULAR) minimally semi-coherent ask.

of course i care about the serious stuff and make psas, i don't even mind answering asks, even the crazy ones~ ;))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

but i do actually wanna have *fun* in fandom (leik C'MON i obsess over shitty men fucking/impregnating billy butcher!!), not be stressed out all the time or stuck on the hard topics trying to explain things to someone i don't even know is actually willing to listen.

leik i literally had to keep randomizing my queue because it was filled with so much negative shit at one point and *i* was overloaded just by looking at it.

i especially don't wanna be dealin' with fuckin' ableism and victim blaming in my ask box. that shit is rank, and i'm tired of it

get smart or just stop, my answers on that shit ain't gonna change.

but you can even post it private if you want. just

LET ME HAVE A FUCKIN' BREATHER--

preferably... 666 months~<3

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ceresprime · 2 years

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Hello there! I just discovered your blog and have been reading through some of your reenactment posts and figured it was worth asking about if as long as it’s not too much trouble. I am very interested in the idea of getting involved with reenacting, but as a young non-male person it’s very intimidating and I’m not sure if it’s really within my abilities, given that I am a full time student, and thus far my inquiries to a specific regiment have gone unanswered. Would you be able to give me something like an overview or a “starter guide” for this kind of thing (what the commitment is like, what knowledge and training is necessary, what the general cost is, etc)? Your blog has already been a great resource in any case—thank you!!

Hello dear fellow non-male student history nerd!

I'm so happy to answer your queries and glad my blog has given you the perspective you desire! (also remind me to post about some of my last events...)

Here, I'll break down the commitment to this joining hobby of reenacting into categories: Demographic, Knowledge, Cost, Time, What Unit?, and of course a TL;DR.

Demographic

Anyone of any race, age, and gender can join the hobby! Does anyone criticize Hamilton for its actors not conforming to the demographics of the historical figures they portray? Reenacting should be a hobby for anyone who wants to. Some overarching organizations that coordinate reenacting groups are still hesitant in letting non-males join the ranks, but there are many units out there that do. (Although I speak for the New England area, mostly Rev War.)

As for the physical demands of the hobby, it can vary. A musket weighs 10lbs (4.5kg). As part of the light infantry, we run a lot. As part of the artillery, we also run a lot. Not all artillery is like that though. Grenadiers and battalion companies move a lot slower, marching in line typically.

Though, being a full-time student does pose the difficulty of cost and time. I'll talk more about that soon.

Knowledge

We learn as we go. Reenacting groups are always looking for new recruits, so they're willing to help you out, wherever your knowledge base is. Speaking for Revolutionary War British Army/Artillery reenacting, you would want to learn the 1764 Manual of Arms (these are the commands to handle your musket, video here) and marching (these are commands to move around the battlefield or parade ground) during your first or second year. Most groups have required drills to coordinate everyone (and ensure safety) before a season.

I'll post a quick guide of stuff you'd want to know sooner than later, again, for a soldier during the Revolutionary War.

Now, another part of this is public interaction! You wear a certain uniform, after all, so you and your unit are responsible for educating folks about who you are and your time period. Two things to know:

This is not all on you! Your group has done the research to create your uniform, so listen to them answer questions (and keep the answers in mind so you can answer that same question next time). It's perfectly okay to say you don't know and refer to someone else.

As an audience member, I was way too awkward to know what to ask or how to ask it. So it's your responsibility as a reenactor to invite questions or just ramble about history. People are there to hear you. If you've learned from your unit, talk about your uniform, or talk about some stories from the time period, or (my favorite go-to) explain how your gear works. People always want to know how a flintlock musket mechanism works. This part comes with time (and maybe watch my YouTube videos... once I make them).

Cost

Reenacting is definitely a commitment. Generally, the older the time period, the more expensive. From a Rev War perspective and as a full-time student that works during the summers, it's sorta affordable.

Both of my units have yearly membership fees ($25) to keep up with our insurance, but with one of them has a student discount.

Most units have loaner gear for newcomers to be set for the first year or two, as you're getting your own stuff. Before you read any more, follow this key rule above all else, do not buy anything until you've asked your unit! This will save you money and the right reenacting gear lasts forever.

Some advice for money and stuff is best in a list:

Blanket sales! End-of-season (usually September to November) events are where you should look for second-hand gear sold by other reenactors, usually laid out on a blanket in the grass. Hence a blanket sale. You find all sorts of goodies there.

Get your mess kit first. Whatever the time period, this applies. Buy your personal bowl, spoon, and cuttoe knife. These tend to be necessities and are not included in loaner gear.

For Rev War, Townsends isn't horrible at first. It's mass-produced but it looks decent and is sometimes more affordable than other places. Ask your unit, first, of course.

Be careful with a cheap musket. Do not cheapen out here, but you don't need brandy-new. Muskets made in India or "Belgian Bombs" are often not safe, if you look out for a second-hand Miroku or Pedersoli, you'll save a lot. Also, be sure to keep it clean and it'll last you forever.

If you're curious about where I got my kit, check out this post for a collection of a ton of Revolutionary War reenactor links.

Time

Being a full-time student, you may also want to know about the time commitment to reenacting. My units are really chill and don't require me to come to a certain number of events, but we do have required drills to ensure we are all functioning safely just before each season (February to March). We offer about 20 events per season (about April to November).

Events are always on the weekends, and for me typically a 1.5 hour drive. The furthest we go yearly is about 3 hours to Fort Ticonderoga. Most events, you arrive Friday night or Saturday morning and leave by Sunday afternoon. Some events are only Saturdays. Some are special calendar events like 4th of July parades and Patriot's Day Weekend (April 19th).

As a student, I have not felt any strain on my academics personally. My instructors give me a lot of leniency on weekend homework because I'm doing something educational for the public. If you wanted, reenacting would probably count as an independent learning study.

What Unit?

Ask around. I joined the guys with the shiniest cannon around, so that's one method. Also, as a young non-male, I encourage you to look at another question I answered about being such a fellow regarding looking like a male soldier and staying safe.

I prefer talking to units in person, too. You'd get a better vibe for the people and how strict they are in terms of historical accuracy and requiring members to come to events. Some questions to ask are along the same lines of what you've already asked me, but reach out if you want more guidance here.

TL;DR

Just go for it! Reenacting is a hobby for anyone who's got an interest in history. Your unit can work with you on knowledge, expenses, time commitment, etc.

#reenacting #historical reenactment #history #ask #american revolution #advice #student #military history

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caribbean-ace · 2 years

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alright twitter was pure chaos yesterday, unfortunately i wasn’t able to watch station 19 6x06 live BUT today i did everything my power to catch up even tho i was fully reading twitter while the episode was airing😂 you know the drill spoiler alert:

first off: we gotta wait until february 23 to know how everything unfolds, kinda far in my opinion but it’s not my show so😂 anyways moving onto the episode + vic is hereeeee + i’m sorry how adorable maya looks sleeping + lmao that was such a me thing + also her ankle looks like a tennis ball what the hell maya + carina looks like a star and she’s got pj’s and bed hair, the power these two hold over me? unmatched + i mean i’m not taking sides here but i get it, carina had to take the test, like how long is she supposed to wait? it seems the pregnancy is the only thing is making maya pause a little but not enough to get the help she needs, she’s struggling so much :( + oh no :( + this is what we’re going next yikes + i mean ross looks fantastic even tho i’m not liking this + travicccc + the gossip lol

lol andy not trusting eli + why is everyone in such a mood + “this sounds like a regular fight” 😂😂😂 + today’s brand is just fighting with our spouse + girl camp let’s goooooo + lmao maya looks so tiny next to all of them + vic being the smartest baby i love her + the kid fangirling about maya? same. + i’m worried about maya popping pills like they’re candy + beckett come on + lmao he’s fighting a fire😂😂😂 + oh jack is here and his hand is fine + “well thank you for volunteering” 😂😂😂😂 + ruiz being the person we need + maya does not look good

oh boy they don’t look good + vic being so inspiring i love her so much + gonna have a storyline besides theo? YES + it’s funny how they ALL know beckett is the bare minimum yet none of them stood up, just theo and that’s because maya was risking her life since no one knows she’s spiralling but good for them, at least they’re speaking up now + is he getting demoted or what👀 + oh no this is baaaaaad af + yikes that has to be tough on andy + lmao staying alive, that was good tho + i’d love ross even more if she wasn’t a hypocrite but oh boy if she fighted sexism i would be in love too + vic is amazing and she deserves so much + so every rescue victim is troubled

finally they’re turning up on him + my boy cutlerrrrr + what’s with beckett and the tic tacs? + god maya is in so much pain i just wanna hold her forever + beckett demoted era coming soon? + oh jack no + i love how hughes goes “we” when she’s talking to others + andy knock some sense into maya + oh crap + lmao the kids where like uh oh + not gonna lie that was cool + they should’ve stepped up sooner for bishop bc it could be dangerous for her and the team + firefighters being heroes yay + “are you still in charge?” lmao hahaha travis is such a child + “incredibly dramatic” lmao + let’s goooooo vic for crisis one! dean would have wanted this! + so happy for herrr + honesty is the best policy tho + but i love montgomery + oh nooo you’re going to regret it + oh this part nooo

maya undressing while having this conversation is sending me in all kinds of directions not gonna lie + i mean andy is right but if they really are a family they should have noticed this way before, you know when she was demoted and no one stood up? except for andy but you know how that ended + not these two😩 + i mean is she turning around? + please lord let this woman to realize what she’s doing is wrong + let’s go chieffff + maya😭 + wait how no one noticed her? i mean wtf ugh (i already knew how it ended but still)

so we’re waiting until february to see how everything turns out, i’m curious to see where this is headed and probably i’ll ramble in more details about few things that called my attention throughout the episode! catch you on february 23rd folks!

#station 19 #ale watches station 19 #station 19 spoilers #tw: pills #maya bishop #carina deluca #vic hughes #andy herrera #natasha ross #travis montgomery #ben warren #jack gibson #robert sullivan #shane beckett #theo ruiz

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usersasaki · 1 year

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hello tumblr user usersasaki 🫵 you will never know who i am! (or who knows lol hi karma <3) this anon has been looking into getting into orv but keeps procrastinating like they do on many other things and so asks you, one of their resident orv likers they know, to uh. idk. but feel free to ramble on about why you like orv so much & why someone should get into it (like me!) so maybe i can finally be convinced to read it Now instead of putting it off for later again and again !! ... or something like that 🥺✨

OK GUYS THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THIS IS NOT A DRILLLLL AAAAA HELLO U BEAUTIFUL PERSON I THINK IK WHO U ARE BUT RN I'M SO READY TO CRUSH U IN A BIG HUG REGARDLESS OF THAT

ahem. yes. anyways. i'm totally normal abt this, i totally didn't go feral for a few moments before i started typing this. OK BUT I'M SO READY TO TRY TO CONVINCE U TO READ THIS CUZ WHEN I SAY THIS WEBTOON + WEBNOVEL HAS CHANGED ME ENTIRELY. pls bear with me, giving me a chance to word vomit was not a good idea /hj. i'll put everything under the cut :] and i'll try to keep everything as spoilerless as possible so that u can safely enjoy the story when u get to it

i will apologise in advance for the person i've become, this might end up becoming a HUGE post (edit: i think it did, this is apparently at a lil more than 2k words rn cuz i typed this in google docs for fear of tumblr nuking my entire draft and me having to start all over again)

tldr for those who don't want to go through a 2k essay; orv is for you if you enjoy clean art, stories that will break down your initial expectations and surpass them, and things like found family, love (all kinds), and just an emotional rollercoaster in general. prepare snacks and tissues.

i'll start with the webtoon because that's where it started for me! honestly one of the things i look for most when i start a webtoon is the art. and there are times when even if i like the story, if the art ain't it for me, i'll drop the story 😭💀 but orv has such beautiful and crisp art, very edible art HAHAHA (both webtoon and novel by the way but i'll get to the novel in a bit) it makes me go so O.O sometimes. here's an example of the art, you might've seen it somewhere but i'm still adding it here for the pure beauty of these men named kim dokja and yoo joonghyuk AND ALSO han sooyoung and jung heewon (yes i'm gay, no it's not obvious /j). every character in this webtoon is so well drawn and just. chef's kiss okay, so if you like pretty art, you've got that right here folks.

moving on, the story seems, at first, like a very generic action fantasy webtoon where the world of a novel becomes reality and our mc aka kim dokja is the one who knows how to get to the end and he gets to meet his favourite novel’s protagonist yoo joonghyuk and decides to save the world. but as the story progresses on and on, it becomes so much more than that. the storytelling skills have to be applauded because webtoons can't use lots of words and have to convey things more concisely than their novel counterparts but they've done an amazing job of using the right dialogues in the right places with the right amount of impact. AND as of right now, the story is starting to head towards what i'd like to say is the actual beginning of this webtoon >:) that’s all i can say without spoiling some major things from the novel so,, yeah!

another beautiful part is the portrayal of each of the characters, especially kdj, and their different dynamics with kdj. now kim dokja is our mc and the main narrator of this entire thing so we’re quite limited in that sense because all we see and know is what kim dokja tells us through his narration. a lot of posts have accurately pinned him down as an unreliable narrator because he really only ever shows his companions (and us readers) one part of things and we’re all left to speculate about things. each companion holds a different opinion of kdj but all of them are united in the fact that they trust him to help them get through everything. while the webtoon hasn’t had a chance to explore that yet, i’m looking forward to how they will show it to us :] i’d say that this webtoon is worth a read also because kim dokja is the most mind boggling, intriguing and frustrating character you will ever meet. that’s a fact that’ll get clearer as you get closer to the recent chapters of the webtoon, but i love how he’s relatable in the sense that he both makes me screech in awe but also makes me want to wring his neck with how he is sometimes. i love him *holds him by the neck* (affectionately). oh and when i say every character is just a beautiful piece of art, i mean both their literal art and also the way they’ve been written, though it is more clear in the novel as of right now.

NOW i’m gonna move onto the webnovel because i honestly fell deeper into the rabbit hole purely because of the novel. and sing shong (the author of the webnovel) is an absolute genius for the way they have both intricately and simply pushed a single message throughout the length of the novel. i constantly joke about how reading the orv novel has changed my brain chemistry but i’m not joking most of the time because it really did. in many ways, i’m sure this is a novel i will remember for a very long time to come.

the same points i spoke about for the webtoon stand for the novel as well BUT of course the novel is just immaculately written and it deserves a chance of its own. it’s not that the writing of the novel is extraordinarily fancy or anything, it’s actually quite simple reading without too many complicated words but i think that has a beauty of its own. it’s able to convey what it needs to without having 10 pages of description and that’s awesome to me. there are issues with some things written in the novel but as it isn’t a focus or the point of orv (i got this point from this tumblr post, feel free to read through it if you want to because they have written some great points that can’t be said better by me!), it’s still a novel that entertains you to the fullest.

the characters are admittedly more fleshed out in the novel than the webtoon but that’s because the webtoon is still catching up while the novel is complete (it ended with epilogue chapters but recently the author came out with side stories). the relationships are just very detailed and it gives you a look into not only kim dokja’s head, but also yoo joonghyuk and other characters’ heads as well, though they’re not as common because the majority of the story is in kdj’s point of view. i’ve neglected mentioning other character names so far but kim dokja has a set of the most loyal and sweet and sometimes feral companions besides yoo joonghyuk like yoo sangah, who is someone kdj knew before the novel became their world, jung heewon and lee hyunsung, kdj’s trusty sword and shield, lee gilyoung and shin yoosung, his children (not biological but yes). there’s also lee jihye, an avid yoo joonghyuk follower who insults kdj at every turn but cares for him, and han sooyoung, who is portrayed as a bit of an antagonist or an anti-hero (as far as the webtoon goes anyway wink wink). and a lot of other characters you’ll grow to either love a lot or hate with a passion oR even have your opinion take a whole 180 about as you read on and on, that’s just the kinda novel this is.

don’t even get me started on the underlying themes of this novel. this is me being an english major (and psychology major unintentionally, double major woohoo) through and through but i love analysing characters and figuring out themes that come out through the writing. i won’t go too into the details so that i won’t spoil it for anyone who happens upon this post. but there’s the overarching theme of love; not just romantic love but also platonic love, familial love and the most important one of this novel, self-love. another theme i think is quite relevant and important to this story is more easily relatable to people who read often because it goes into how books can change you BUT you can also change books by reading them over and over again and understanding it better. also how stories can save you but you, as a reader, have the power to save stories by reading them. because in the end, a story continues because you read it. OH I CAN’T FORGET THIS, found family <3 if you’re a fan of found family, this is for you, it’s present throughout the story as a small but encompassing theme.

now this could be just me but i get extremely emotional when it comes to my favourite media, so i squeal with joy at happy parts, sob uncontrollably when sad scenes come up, punch my pillows when something makes me mad⏤ you get my point. and this novel gave me an entire rollercoaster of emotions and made me so URGH in good, bad and ugly ways. it kinda brings me back to my point about kdj being an unreliable narrator since the reason why it gets so hard and sad is because this man never tells anyone anything. he takes it upon himself to do everything, much to the annoyance and despair of his companions and us the readers. we know nothing other than what kdj is willing to tell us, not about his plans, not about him, not about his own feelings. and we’re left to guess and guess until everything is laid bare and then we’re still trying to. process everything. yeah i don’t know if this part is making any sense but i can’t really go into detail without majorly spoiling the story. so you’re gonna have to come back to my post once you’re done to be like “ohhh, right this is what they meant.” /j

To move to a lighter and probably my last point, the novel illustrations are gold i tell you. it’s done by a person named blackbox or bb-nim for short and i love just going through their art for fun. of course, if you’re reading it on a website like i did, then you’re not going to see the illustrations side by side so you should definitely check out blackbox’s twitter which i’ve linked here :] you’ll probably also find their art on pinterest. gorgeous art i tell you, BUT BUT BUT there are spoilers here and there so beware if you go digging through their media tab on their twt. I’ll put some of my favourite pieces that are as non-spoiler as possible under this

so. yeah. these are my reasons for why you should read both the orv webtoon and novel. In the end, all i can say is that if you give them a chance, you’ll probably get hooked just as i did. i knew to a certain extent about how the novel was but nothing prepared me enough but i’m not complaining because it is genuinely so good. i’ll add a list of content warnings here that i got from the wiki page because i don’t want anyone to be ambushed by anything they’re not comfortable with reading: graphic violence, death and murder, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, suicide, body horror, dissociation, transphobia (this might be a deal breaker and it would be for me too as a nonbinary person but it’s not a major focus and happens a couple times throughout the story), cephalopods, tentacles (yes these are real content warnings on the wiki HAHAHA), and finally hospitals.

to all of you who actually read this far, thank you! you are a great person for reading through a random person on the internet go on and on about a webtoon and novel, hope you have an awesome day/night ahead of you! if you have any questions about things in the webtoon or novel, feel free to hit me up, i’m always down to have conversations about orv (none of my irls have read it but i will use this essay to convince one of them to give it a chance so wish me luck). anyway, peace out folks! :]

#— asks ☆#— orv ♡#omniscient reader #orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint #yeah this is it

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kingofthewilderwest · 3 years

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Gonna open up about something I’ve never mentioned on this site...

I’m self-conscious and unhappy with my long-windedness.

I'm aware where my paragraphs repeat, where my sentences repeat within a paragraph, or where I use too many adverbs. I know when my phrases are jumbled and unclear. I know I lose readers and followers because they aren’t interested or have the time to read it. I know that for my niche interests, I have nearly zero interest in gaining readers, because there’s the huge barrier of my unending speech. If I wanted to make a reader-friendly post on said topics (and ngl I do), I know how I’d need to change.

I know how to fucking edit. I’ve made succinct and ergonomic writing. I used to do better on this site. I did awesome in academia. Then several things happened, both intentional and unintentional. But the big one is...

...I’ve felt psychologically disoriented since 2017.

I know what the mental illness cause is. The result is my mind is a massive, buzzing beehive. Sometimes, I have three thousand fragmented thoughts flying three thousand directions so rapidly I can’t register what my own thoughts are. I’m lost in a buzzing storm. If I try to organize my thoughts, they get more agitated. The agitation and buzzing, while psychological, feels physically painful and overwhelming. My mind is literally buzzing to the point it’s distressing and debilitating. I cannot control it, and if I try, I get stung and writhe in further pain.

My mind isn’t always bad, of course. And I know my feelings, my rationalities, why I psychologically feel a certain way, etc. I’ve always had a solid understanding of exactly how/why I tick and feel; that hasn’t changed. But my issues mean that when I try to talk to folks, I either have to spend large amounts of time organizing things into socially acceptable bites, or I have to trust that they’ll accept my off-the-cuff long-winded sometimes-scattered regurgitations.

It takes massive amounts of energy to consolidate my thoughts now. It’s hard enough to find the spoons, mental fortitude, and time to write a rambling post; I have neither time or psychological energy to write material effectively succinct.

So no, I don’t like how I write and respond to people. But I don’t tend to express I feel displeasure on it. I’d rather demonstrate confidence and take the confidence to interact with other human souls. I’m happier that way, and hopefully the relationships around me can kindly tolerate it or we can work things out. But I feel like I’m stepping unpleasantly on every one of you even while I give myself the accommodation I feel I need to communicate.

I want to be out of the buzz. I want to be non-disoriented. People wonder why I fell for banjo and bluegrass so hard? The sound of the banjo is so direct that it drills through the mental fog I otherwise live with. The banjo gives me CLARITY OF THOUGHT I hadn’t felt in years.

I’m working on getting medications. But for now, I am either going to be long, or I’m going to feel UNABLE to respond. Sorry for the inconvenience. I’m trying hard.

#blabbing Haddock #long post #non-dragons #my life #don't mind me #that ole tag XD #I swear this isn't me not trying or coming up with an excuse #like I legitimately strain to respond to people really really fucking hard sometiems #I don't think I described the beehive well enough it literally can make me hyperventilate shake wince and scream out loud #sanae;goaijer anyway

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homestuckexamination · 4 years

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Selfish Vs Unselfish

Jesus. Yeah I have nothing to comment here, I’m going to read this later when I haven’t just woken up.

You know the drill. Put it under ‘Read More’. A matter of perspective it can be, but there can be an objective truth to sort that out. Let me e x p a n d on this matter using Homestuck and some philosophy. And for those who missed the last ask on Active/Passive divide, please do remember that these labels are on a continuum, not strictly boxed categories. “UNSELFISH” or UNSELFISH - The passive classes lean more to this. How? By being group-oriented. Like support classes in RPGs, their asset comes mainly from a drive to benefit others. Roxy is one of the best examples of this. While she was passive-aggressive in her pursuit of romance, she is ultimately willing to put her self aside and bettering herself if that meant making sure the group stays together. She does this by, to quote Dirk, never turning the tables to make a talk about her when she knows her friend needs something.

TG: i was gonna say why i finally quit drinkin TG: i mean if you want to know GG: Yes. GG: Actually, once you did stop, it made me finally realize it was a problem for you for a long time. GG: And I didn’t say anything at the time, but it made me wonder if I wasn’t doing the right thing before. GG: By failing to point out you might have a problem? Or just going along with it and participating in lively banter any time you clearly had too much to drink? GG: Was I just being a bad friend? TG: nah it wasnt your responsibility to fix my shit TG: and anyway i think i made it hard for anyone to come at me like it was a real problem TG: i was always joking around so much and havin a good time like kind of overzealously so TG: that i probably just made people feel like a shitty wet blanket for even mentioning it

She wants to be of use to her group. However, the downside to this is that, as passively Roxy can be, she often needs them as well.

TG: and now dirk knows that too and for some reason letting him down feels like the worst part?? TG: which is equally lame and weak cuz i should care for my own sake not for how it makes a dude see me but it still just really bothers me ???

TG: i didnt want her to meet a sloppy embarrassing mess of a daughter

TG: even if she did like to drink at some point it was kind of a childish idea that doing so myself would make me closer to her or help us bond or whatever TG: anyway i think i might of overestimated her drinkin habits

How would you know if a class is truly passive when a character just been a really selfish a-hole through the story? It’s how they mainly rely on others as well. Let’s use Aranea as the main example of a selfish passive Sylph of Light that tries to emulate a Thief. Aranea says that Sylph is a healer type of class that involves boosting others, even excessively. However, while she claims that she merely wants to help and shepard the Alpha timeline by taking control of it, Meenah says otherwise. What Aranea has been doing is a self-aggrandizing act to get into the spotlight and not sit on the sidelines anymore, much like her fellow Serket. Like Kanaya, she is meddlesome. She asserts that what she does is for the good of all, even if that means doing something others would object to. They don’t want that. But, she does it anyway.

At first, she complies when the recipient refuses, but when it eventually comes to her ultimate takeover plan, everyone else comes second. She may believe that she’s just granting their wishes, but her underlying motive is ultimately selfish- albeit by excessively “helping” others for her own cause. Aranea failed to learn what Mindfang did:

“8ut as I sit here deciding what to do with the damna8le little sphere, I understand my error. It was not in failing to chart a course through future events to turn my fortune’s tide, even so many sweeps from now. It was in 8elieving the future was mind to know, and fortune mine to control.”

Now let’s use Rufioh and compare him to Roxy. Both of them are Rogues. Both of them are group-oriented characters that act selfishly from time-to-time. The difference is that Rufioh is more selfish. He’s extremely affable to the point of being a doormat to please others all while trying to be polite about romantic advances despite being a flirt himself. He’s reluctant to voice his own reason that he wants to leave his matespritship with Horuss. Sounds familiar? He’s the Jake of the love triangle. Rufioh cheated on Damara and never takes responsibility from it, focusing on Damara being a crazed scorned girl.

Passive players that fail to balance supporting others and fulfilling their own desires often end up being thrown in a loop. Forcing your solution solution on others for 'their own good’ is selfish. Your concern on how others perceive you may be sprouted from your own insecurity. Whenever you make a donation to the less fortunate, how can you be certain it’s not without the purpose of staving off guilt, doing it because it simply aligns with your moral code, or because it feels good?

AG: I decided not to, 8ecause I didn’t want to 8e the one to make you sad about it.

AG: Was that selfish of me? I dunno.

It’s a gem to see volunteers whose instincts are to help people to make life more bearable, mind you. But they’re also doing that because they want to see them better and it’s often their own desire to do so and fulfill that dream.

ENLIGHTENED VS UNENLIGHTENED SELFISHNESS

-I’ve rambled on this a bit. Here’s a recap:

*Unenlightened Selfishness is… pretty much the archetypal self-centeredness that makes people jerks. It’s whenever you do something for yourself with little to no regard to other people’s desires. It’s the greedy shark hoarding all the treasure. It’s when you try to justify your actions with a perspective of “everyone else is selfish, so I’m entitled to be an asshole to everyone too”.

*Enlightened Selfishness or Enlightened Self-Interest is the opposite. It’s when you respect that everyone has their own wants and needs by compromising and coinciding them with your own. It’s like a deal. It’s the Golden Rule. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. It’s when you do things for other people for the good you’ll get from it, even when the payment is simple politeness and being generally nice. Society expects each individual to benefit the community in turn by working. We work with the expectation that others work for us. Unlike the first, this form of self-interest benefits both parties. Another term is Selfish Altruism.

We see an exercise of selfishness burning brightly through Vriska’s arc.

(VRISKA): I’m not a loser though! (VRISKA): I LIKE who I’ve 8ecome. (VRISKA): I actually feel happy and good a8out my life for the first time in… may8e forever?? (VRISKA): Like, ACTUALLY good a8out my life in a way that feels real, instead of forced. Don’t you realize that’s what it was like for us? VRISKA: You don’t have a life! VRISKA: You’re DEAD, remem8er? VRISKA: I’m the one with the life! VRISKA: And I fully intend to use it in a relevant and constructive way to help 8ring an end to all the horri8le shit that’s 8een going on for way too long. VRISKA: Remem8er when you used to care a8out that sort of thing? VRISKA: No, o8viously not. VRISKA: All you care a8out now is 8ullshit hipstery fashion trends, feeling “happy”, and… whatever the fuck it is you’re doing here? VRISKA: Frolicking with some horses in an ugly field or some shit. VRISKA: Just a8solutely disgraceful. VRISKA: How could I have 8ecome so selfish??

Vriska is accusing (Vriska) for being selfish despite being selfish herself. Remember her popular hero quote?

VRISKA: I only ever wanted to do the right thing no matter how it made people judge me, and I don’t need a magic ring to do that. VRISKA: You don’t have to 8e alive to make yourself relevant. VRISKA: And you don’t have to 8e a good person to 8e a hero. VRISKA: You just have to know who you are and stay true to that. VRISKA: So I’m going to keep fighting for people the only way I ever knew how.

VRISKA: 8y 8eing me.

And a few panels after that, she does this.

VRISKA: OHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! VRISKA: OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! VRISKA: WE’RE G8ING TO LOOK AT WH8T’S IN THIS CH8ST RIGHT N8W!!!!!!!! VRISKA: DO YOU HE8R ME Y8U F8CK? VRISKA: I D8DN’T SCRAPE AND CLAW MY W8Y 8ACK TO RELEV8NCE F8R THIS SHIT! VRISKA: I’M DOING S8METHING F8CKING IMPORTANT! AND WHEN I DO SOMETH8NG FUCKING IMPORT8NT, EVERY88DY 8ETTER D8MN WELL PAY ATT8NTION TO ME!!!!!!!!

Sure, her resurrection got everyone’s attention, but also annoyance. A lot of their personal problems aren’t truly solved, just put on a temporary chokehold by someone with a stubborn, assertive personality. She’s taking charge so that her team won’t be in poor condition for the big fight, but also to, well, be in the spotlight. She doesn’t care how others think of her, she just wants to help… but also because it makes her important, even if that means overpowering her friends, including her moirail Terezi. Vriska’s the active counterpart to Roxy in both class and aspect. A positive part of this is that it’s easier for Vriska and other folks like her to be self-driven.

…

What am I getting at? It’s a matter of intention. Are they doing it to mainly benefit others? Or are they acting to benefit themselves? Even if it’s grey, there’s often a tint or shade that’s lighter or darker that makes someone lean somewhere. It doesn’t matter how they see themselves and how they perceive their own actions, it’s their motivation that defines the line. Accidents don’t count. It’s the will. Looking at one’s intention is a way to objectively sift through the blurriness of it their actions, even when said intention is subconscious. You can also simply take the Active/Passive divide on strictly class roles in terms of RPG abilities alone if you’re not keen on the personalities of the bunch.

#Class #Fanon #HSE #Long Post #Longpost #Submission #submission

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littlemisssquiggles · 3 years

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...So...about that RWBY V8 season finale episode...

I knew it. I knew there was a catch to all the Penny focus that happened throughout this season.

[YEAH YEAH SPOILERS AHEAD. YUH KNOW THE DRILL. LET’S GO]

I knew in my kingdom of hearts that they were going to kill Penny off. I just had that feeling.

Hoooooooooowever, I’m at least pleased that Penny got the chance to die nobly and the Winter Maiden powers instead went to the person who should’ve rightfully gotten it in the first place: Winter Schnee.

I am so happy that the showrunners corrected this because the way in which Penny became a maiden was an issue.

That being said, I would like to change the title of this season. It’s not RWBY V8. It’s actually PENNY V8..

V8 was Penny’s season. It was NEVER about RWBY or Ruby. It’s was all about Penny. V8 was her season.

Even the ending theme was about Penny and…honestly...it was aight. I dug Penny’s last theme. It suit her.

I’m also happy that the showrunners OFFICIALLY confirmed for the final time that the bond between Penny and Ruby is, has and ALWAYS will be a friendship. The title of Penny’s final theme is even called “Friend” and it’s a great theme that I believe encompasses, not just Penny as a character but her relationship with the two people who mattered to her the most in the end. It was Ruby who was Penny’s first friend and Winter Schnee who was her last friend that she willingly gave her powers to as her successor.

I was so pleased with that moment between Penny and Winter that I actually clapped. That scene was perfect and believably a fitting end for Penny.

The only gripe that I have is that…WHERE THE F***K IS PIETRO AND MARIA. No seriously, I’m starting to get worried right now. What happened to them? They didn’t even show up for the finale? Are Pietro and Maria okay? Are they still alive?

The thing that saddens me about this is for the second time in the series, Penny has died while away from her father. Pietro didn’t even get the opportunity to spend the few minutes of Penny being alive. Pietro was nowhere to be found. That’s sad.

Also…they REALLY did Ruby Rose dirty. Here I was expecting Ruby to be a focal point of the finale and she wasn’t even a factor.

Ruby got taken out of the finale episode so quickly that I’m wondering why they even bothered showing her on the thumbnail.

Ruby didn’t really do much for the finale. She didn’t even get to be the one to tragically kill Penny so that the maiden powers would go to Winter.

Speaking of which...

...And now for a squiggly rant...

WHAT THE HELL SHOWRUNNERS? RUBY DOESN’T GET TO BE THERE DURING PENNY’S FINAL MOMENTS???

DESPITE BEING PENNY’S FIRST AND CLOSEST FRIEND, RUBY DOES NOT GET TO BE THE ONE TO BE WITH HER ONE LAST TIME BEFORE SHE DIES? THAT MOMENT GOES TO JAUNE????

JAUNE ARC! THE GUY WHO BARELY HAD ANY INTERACTIONS WITH PENNY UP UNTIL THIS SEASON?

MUCH LIKE HOW JAUNE WAS THE ONE WHO GOT TO LEAD THE CHARGE TO SAVE OSCAR DESPITE THE FACT THAT RUBY WAS THE ONE CLOSEST TO OSCAR, JAUNE IS THE ONE TO SPEND THE LAST FEW MOMENTS OF LIFE WITH PENNY? NOT RUBY. HER BEST FRIEND. BUT JAUNE.

DON’T THE SHOWRUNNERS THINK IT WOULD’VE BEEN MORE FITTING TO HAVE PENNY BE KILLED BY RUBY???

I mean yes I know it sounds bad but…it would’ve FIT. Penny wanted to die in that moment. In that moment, she CHOSE death for herself and wanted to be killed. So again, WHY WAS THIS MOMENT GIVEN TO JAUNE???

Ruby, as I will say for the umpteenth time is PENNY’S BEST FRIEND AND CLOSEST ALLY. THIS MOMENT. THIS FINAL PENNY MOMENT SHOULD HAVE GONE TO RUBY AS PENNY’S FRIEND.

BUT IT GOES TO JAUNE??

THEY REALLY DID MY GIRL DIRTY. RUBY DESERVED BETTER YA’LL. V8 IS RUBY’S WORSE SEASON. THEY DID NOTHING FOR HER.

RUBY, DESPITE BEING PUSHED AS OSCAR’S CLOSEST ALLY ON THE HERO TEAM MORE THAN JAUNE, DOESN’T GET TO LEAD THE RESCUE MISSION TO SAVE HIM FROM SALEM, HEREGO MEETING SALEM IN THE FLESH AND GETTING TO ACCOST THE WICKED WITCH HERSELF FOR KILLING HER MOM.

RUBY DOESN’T GET TO SPEND PENNY’S FINAL MOMENT WITH HER AND DELIVER HER FINAL WISH AS HER FRIEND TO DIE AND HAVE THE WINTER MAIDEN BE PASSED ONTO WINTER. THAT AGAIN GOES TO JAUNE.

AT LEAST WITH OSCAR, THE ARGUMENT COULD BE MADE THAT JAUNE WAS THE SECOND CLOSEST FRIEND TO OSCAR. BUT NOT WITH PENNY. FREAKING JAUNE STEALING RUBY’S DEVELOPMENT WITH HER CLOSEST GREEN ALLIES AGAIN.

I’M SORRY. YOU MIGHT THINK FROM HOW I’M SCREECHING THAT I HATE JAUNE. WRONG. I ACTUALLY QUITE LIKE JAUNTUS. BUT THIS SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN HIS MOMENT. IT SHOULD’VE BEEN RUBY’S WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUDGE NUGGETS WERE THE SHOWRUNNERS THINKING????

THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN RUBY’S MOMENT WITH HER FRIEND BUT AGAIN, SHE GETS SIDELINED. SHE DOESN’T EVEN GET TO FALL NOBLY. SHE FALLS AS A RESULT OF CINDER DOUBLE CROSSING NEO---BIG F***ING SURPRISE.

The one interesting consolation is that Ruby fell to the Other World with Neo. So…I’m assuming that…this means that Neo will be an unwilling companion to Ruby while she’s in the Other World?

I mean…that’s unexpected but at least it could potentially provide Ruby and Neo with the opportunity of becoming allies---maybe. Neo has lasted this long so let’s see how this goes.

I still can’t get over the fact that Ruby got taken out of the finale fight so soon. SERIOUSLY, THEY DID HER SO BAD THIS SEASON.

Speaking of being done dirty, R.I.P. VINE.

Wait a second…RIP VINE? Why do I get the feeling that there is going to be a meme about Vine’s death.

But in all seriousness, VINE WAS NOT THE ACE OP I EXPECTED TO DIE. I expected Harriet to die honestly because she’s been god awful whole season but…yeah, she’s alive. The lucky rabbit.

So now we have Robyn, Qrow, Marrow (Thank God the God Boi made it), Harriet and Elm together. I hope somewhere on their way to…Vacuo, I’m assuming, they run into Maria and Pietro. SERIOUSLY WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TWO OLD PEOPLE. I AM SCARED NOW. WHERE THE FUDGE ARE THEY AND I WILL KEEP ASKING ABOUT THEM UNTIL THEY SHOW UP HOPEFULLY IN V9.

Overall, that’s the finale??? That’s...all folks?

Was it good…well, for the most part, I’m okay with where it ended things for certain characters. Mainly Penny and Winter.

I’m happy that Winter got to become the Winter Maiden. As for Penny, I’m sorry but…you guys know how I feel about how Penny was used this season. From the minute they kept shoving Penny in our faces, I KNEW something was up. I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA KILL. Ya’ll didn’t wanna believe me. BUT I WAS RIGHT.

At least Penny’s death wasn’t a gruesome one though. At least Penny got to die the way she lived---doing it the way she wants to and spending it with her closest friends. NOT RUBY but at least Winter cause I did like their friendship from V7.

Penny Polendina got to live the life she wanted and she also got to die the way she wanted and I think that’s a satisfying ending for her in my opinion.

I just pray there isn’t another backlash from the FNDM as a result of Penny being killed off.

Sorry to all the people who were hoping Penny would live past this season but I’m not mad because it fits for me. The one issue I had with Penny’s death is that neither her father or her best friend Ruby were present during her last moment.

You guys realize they sorta killed Penny the same way again, right? Kind of? SHE DIED WHILE AWAY FROM HER DAD AND BEFORE RUBY COULD DO ANYTHING TO STOP IT.

Shit, RUBY DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THAT PENNY IS DEAD YA’LL…

JUST LIKE HOW SHE DIDN’T KNOW THAT OSCAR WAS KIDNAPPED BY SALEM AND TORTURED FOR HOURS BY HAZEL, RUBY DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THAT PENNY ASKED JAUNE TO KILL HER SO THAT WINTER COULD BE HER SUCCESSOR...

RUBY IS OMITED ONCE AGAIN AND I AM WAITING TO SEE WHO IS THE PERSON TO TELL HER ABOUT PENNY.

I HOPE IT’S WINTER. Or rather once she sees Winter, she’ll probably put two and two together.

STILL SAD THOUGH. THEY DID HER SOOO DIRTY. THEY MASSACRED MY GIRL THIS SEASPM, I’M SORRY. THE SODIUM CHLORIDE IS RETURNING.

Overall, this finale was something else. I don’t know what to think of V9. But one thing’s for sure...

I cant AT LEAST say that I am EXCITED to explore this mysterious OTHER WORLD.

Already it looks interesting and of course, I’m going to make the obvious joke---They’re not in Remnant anymore.

I just want V9 to open up with Ruby saying “Neo, we’re not in Remnant anymore”. If that ain’t in the V9 trailer, I will be thoroughly disappointed.

But…I really feel like V9 can be about Ruby having her own “Wizard of Oz” type of adventure with…Neo of all characters.

Either way, already I like the LOOK of this Other World. Is it just me or does the ground look like bricks…and it’s yellow?

YELLOW BRICK ROAD YA’LL??? FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD TO OZ?

Aww man, I’m interested. I’m really interested in where this story will go. Either way, let’s see how V9 will turn out. And with that, my ramblings about RWBY V8 are done.

See ya’ll next season for more squiggly commentary. Peace.

~ LittleMissSquiggles (2021)

#rwby #ruby rose #penny polendina #rwby volume 8 spoilers

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lunawings · 3 years

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Minato’s Birthday PriZoom (8/21/21) commentary/report

Oh geez where to begin.

I originally intended to do two showings this time (which is one more then usual) but due to a last minute decision based on other poor decisions I ended up doing three which was the most I’ve ever done in a row! My translation of the bonus content is in a separate post.

Not only that but like... it kept putting me in the main screen up at the top too!! Like more than I’ve ever been up there! And I’m sure none of this was intentional, but I also happened to be positioned right next to a couple other people who also knew the traditional cyalume cheering stuff so that was really cool!

Heck I even made it onto the Mantan Web article apparently!!? (This is an official event photo.) Am I that recognizable even in blurry pixels? (Haha well I guess there’s the background too...)

I put a lot more concentration into my own cheering this time so I wasn’t clicking around to look at the other people in the room as much and thus I have fewer shoutouts to make.

I happened to catch a guy trying to balance TWO of the giant Shin mochikoros on his shoulders though?

And there was that guy hula-hooping to Kakeru’s entire performance!!??

And the person whose screen was just a cheering piece of celery.

The highlight was probably “Kouji’s Kitchen” though. A Kouji cosplayer who spent the entire show actively cooking.

I really admire the folks who make the actual food for these showings. I’ve been thinking I want to make pudding a la mode (probably the only KinPri food I could actually manage to make) if they do a Taiga showing next year but how would I keep it from melting during the show ahah ha... (Mashed potatoes I suppose?)

In the weeks leading up to the show I’d been wondering if we’d see any Minato cosplayers. I realized I’m not sure if I’ve actually EVER seen one at a showing (PriZoom or otherwise) as he’s not an easy character to do (what with body type and a lot of Kinpri cosplayers being female) but I think I saw at least two!

This was the first showing where I made an honest attempt to keep the soundboard on, largely because of @takadanobaba’s posts on it, but also just because it’s our STYLISH NEW ABNORMAL (...watch Idol Land PriPara). Ever since they introduced it, traditional cheering has gotten quieter and quieter with long periods of silence except for big moments like Over the Rainbow’s prism jumps. (And what is King of Prism when you’re actually able to hear it.)

So I tried it, really I did. And as I was saying, I can somewhat see the appeal. People are finding ways to use it creatively to bring out that same brand of humor that makes traditional cheering so fun. I turned it on and off during Pride the Hero and the first half of SSS Part 2. The best and worst moment I had with it came during episode 5 however, when Ace kabedon’d Miyo and Joji pulls up in the car.

D-DDDDD-D-DDDD-D-DDDDDDD-DD-DDD-DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDEEEETAAAAAAAAAA

“But Joji is my star!”

KKKKKK-KK-KKKKKKKK-KKKK-KKKKKKKKKK-KKKAAAAKKKKKKKKKKOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Imagine that but like too fast and too loud for your brain to actually interpret what’s going on.

So that was... that was... that. (Thinking of how it will be at Joji’s actual birthday next month is giving me chills.)

I did turn it back on briefly during Best Ten while Platonic Sword was on. And for some reason I can’t quiiiite comprehend it was a grand chorus of ORE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Okay, okay on to the meat. This showing had the BIGGEST bonus of all. Masashi Igarashi appeared for a “talk show” at two of the showings.

One of the first things he pointed out was how, unlike traditional theater greetings, he could see all of our faces individually. And then he actually clicked through all of our video feeds and made comments!!!! (Tatsuyuki Kobayashi didn’t do that.)

Throughout the first session he actually directly acknowledged me THREE SEPARATE TIMES. The first time was when he recognized that I had S-Pulse Dream Plaza as my background. (The real life location in Shizuoka where Minato saw Kouji for the first time.) The second time was when I pasted a message into the chat about being his American fan and HE ACTUALLY READ IT! The third time was during the All Stars Playback when they put me on the screen and he thanked me in the chat again for putting up Dream Plaza.

I’m really happy I put in the effort to do a meaningful background!

All of a sudden I’m inspired to do more for each character. It was years before King of Prism existed, but I did go to Okayama once. I’m thinking I might need to sort through some old photos before Joji’s showing.

Anyway.

Masashi-san didn’t really seem to have anything planned out to say. He just kinda played off us when he could and rambled for a while about how great Minato and King of Prism is and all that. I think he’s a bit better when he has someone else to play off of. (Junta usually ends up being his straight man.) I don’t even know if he knew what he was saying half the time hahah.

The part that really stuck with me though was when he was talking about how there was such a large concentration of Minato fans here, but then he corrected himself as that’s not necessarily true since King of Prism fans cheer for everyone. So instead of camps for certain characters, he suggested we should do “club activities” as a fandom and since so many people brought vegetables to the showing we were the vegetable club.

This was followed by a rush of puns in the chat like VegetaBU (”bu” is Japanese for club).

Another official photo from Mantan web. I love it when they show the “behind the scenes”.

I didn’t realize the second session of the greeting would be starting at the beginning of the next showing, even though that is how they usually do it for theater greetings (so the voice actor doesn’t have to wait around through another movie). It’s kind of odd that they had two different sessions actually, since pretty much everyone had the opportunity to do both as the tickets didn’t come close to selling out. But more money for them either way I guess. He actually changed shirts in between hahah. (From one Minato shirt to another.)

But anyway, when he suddenly came up on the screen again I was actually in the middle of trying to change the batteries in my cyalumes ahahah. And it put me up top of the main screen AGAIN! I kinda wanted to switch my camera off so someone else could get a chance but I didn’t want to seem rude for disappearing either!!!

Eventually I did turn my camera off, giving up my space, because my cyalume blades were all DYING from having been on CONSTANTLY since the beginning of Pride the Hero and I didn’t want it to seem like I was checking my phone or something while I was changing the batteries. (One of them ended up cutting out during Best Ten anyway because in my mad scramble to change the batteries I guess I put the old ones back in haha.) That felt like the right decision since I crashed and burned pretty hard during the middle of Best Ten. (Cheering fatigue is rare for me but I was pushing 24 hours being awake at this point...) I also sure heck didn’t want to be up there during Love Graffiti BUT I didn’t do as bad as I thought. The drills I did without the video before the showing paid off! I’m so happy I’m finally learning it after all this time. Take THAT two year depression spiral.

Although this showing was lively, I have to admit it didn’t quite meet my overinflated expectations, though. I don’t think either room broke 200 people at any point during the showing. I could have sworn at least ONE showing I went to in the past did... I think the Shin/Louis one maybe... but looking through my past posts I can’t find a mention of it. ...Wait, even if that’s true I guess it doesn’t count since we only had one room back them. Mmmrhghg.

I do have pretty high hopes for the next few months though because Joji and Hiro are EXTREMELY popular characters.

So you. YES YOU! The person who somehow read this entire post and is now somewhat regretting skipping out on this one. YOU CAN DO IT! I’ll see you are the next one right? RIGHT?? OKAY!!

#king of prism #kinpri #minato takahashi

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diamondcamefromhell · 4 years

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I wish I were her

geralt x fem!reader [as a gender-fluid person i swear i will try to write more gender neutral pairings in the future but writing ‘straight’ is easier for me as i spent most of my life dreaming strictly ‘straight’ when i idenfied as a girl and was in fucking narnia closet even from myself, sorry guys, gals and non-binary pals <3]

A/N: A LOT of shit is going on in my life, as is everyones, so I am not making a comeback yet babes, but i did get not sober and listen to heather just now and decided to write my first ever geralt fic, say whaaaaaaaaaaaat? i made him super soft and honeslty maybe a bit out of character but let a person dream okay either way

truly, i hope everyone is doing okay. the world sucks and i know people have personal problems to deal with. i hope youre okay. i hope this fic distracts you a little. I love you all. as much as a stranger can love a stranger which i believe is a lot, i fukcing love you.

Summary: Y/N has met both, Geralt and Jaskier before, but when they visit again things dont go as she expected

Warnings: violence, self-hate, blood, nsfw [but not explicit because hey hoe im a virgin]

Word Count: 2239

There was something about him she couldn’t quite place. She got lost in his eyes before and she would do it all over again. His touch left marks on her skin that seemed to burn whenever her mind wandered back to him. He changed her life forever and then he left. Only his songs were sung by other folk, pinging at her sides, reminder of those few nights he was hers. And she was his. Nothing else mattered then.

But he was a bard. A man with purpose, a man with goals. And she was just a farmgirl, no more special than any other person on the continent. She was sure that there was nothing this world had to offer her, and those moments of bliss were the best she will ever get.

Yet, when Jaskier and Geralt were passing by again, she jumped on her mare, going to the tavern in a heartbeat. Her anxiety was eating at her insides, making her shiver as she pushed the door open. Unpleasant smell of alcohol and sweat hit her, but when she saw him she got high on a different kind of drug.

But this one had no price.

His eyes were shining as he was smirking as his friend, who was brooding. Jaskier took a moment to look around, glazing over her as if she was nobody. Her heart banged in her ears as she took a few shaky steps towards the table. Loud noises coming from around her seemed to drown out when his eyes met hers. There was slight recognition, or she tried to tell herself that.

“Hello.” She managed. Geralt glanced at her, mumbling something under his breath, but her attention was elsewhere. Y/N eyes were drilling Jaskier, who furrowed his brows, smiling.

“Hello there.” He said cheerfully. His eyes looked somewhere behind her.

“Jaskier, right?” She asked, even though she knew. She knew exactly who he was and what his lips tasted on her and how they fit together like two pieces of a puzzle.

“Right. We’ve met before?” Y/N heart shattered a little, but she grabbed the broken bits, not letting them fall apart, holding it together.

“Awhile back, when you and Geralt stayed here. He was here on a contract for a wraith. You wrote a song for that one.” She rambled on, finally taking a breath in.

“Oh right!” His eyes were still glassy but he pointed at the seat. “Join us.”

“Jaskier.” Geralt grumbled, but still scooted over when she sat down. His yellow eyes seized her up. “Y/N.”

“You remember me?” The girl was taken back a little, the witcher was the one who hadn’t forgotten her. Not Jaskier. She blinked twice as Geralt didn’t respond, but rather looked at the bard.

“I remember you too, Y/N!” He argued battling Geralt’s gaze.

“How have you two been?” Underneath the table she clasped her hands together, only now realizing she’s sweating.

“Good, good. Lots of work to do around here, right Geralt?” There was nothing but silence coming from his companion. “He’s a bit shy, but you know that already.”

“Right.” Silence settled between them as Geralt downed his ale in one gulp, leaning back a little. He seemed to zone out, having a thousand-yard stare, his mind traveling elsewhere. Y/N looked away from him.

Jaskier was glancing around the tavern just as a server came up to them. Y/N seized her up, in her pretty dress and golden curls than bounced behind her back perfectly behind her back. Her smile was perfect, making Y/N fill with envy as she leaned over to Jaskier, exposing her cleavage to them all.

“Can I get you anything, sweetie?” She whispered as Y/N leaned back, swallowing hard.

She suddenly became aware of her tattered dress that had, what she hoped to be dirt, on it. Her hair was tied back but she haven’t brushed her hair today, so it most likely was a mess. She shifted, smelling pigs and sheep on herself. She became aware of all her flaws as if they were broadcasted to the world.

She wanted to burst into flames this very moment, becoming aware her cheeks are burning red. Suddenly the table became the most interesting thing in this tavern as she drowned out their conversation. She couldn’t listen. She couldn’t see. But when she lifted her eyes, the woman had sat down and Jaskier had one of his hands over her shoulder. He was laughing. The woman looked at Y/N.

“Hey, Y/N!” She, however, didn’t know the servers name, so all she could offer was a polite nod and a forced smile. “You look pretty tonight.”

“You do too, Amelie.” Jaskier said, before Y/N could respond. She dropped her gaze to the table as Amelie laughed. It sounded like bells in the wind, like a bird chirping. It was perfect. Y/N took a sharp breath in.

She zoned out again, not listening to Amelie and Jaskier again. She simply couldn’t. Geralt was looking at her, his eyebrows furrowed. He could tell Y/N was uncomfortable, he couldn’t understand why she simply didn’t leave. The girl chose to torture herself.

Amelia stood up, going back to her work, and only then did Y/N look up again, her expression different from before. Corners of her lips were turned down as she watched Jaskier look after Amelie, completely mesmerized.

“Jaskier.” Geralt called but Jaskier kept his eyes on the girl. Y/N shifted in her seat again, clasping her hands tighter.

Until she felt like she was going to burst. She stood up, muttering something under her breath. She tried not to run, but she couldn’t. She heard Amelie say something, but it didn’t matter. Nothing did. Her eyes burned as her mind kept replaying Jaskier wrapping his hands around other woman. He was not hers, and Y/N knew.

But her heart ached so much, she felt like her chest was about to rip apart. Her insides were burning and her head was spinning as she untied the horse, riding it into the moonlight. Y/N didn’t realize she just took Roach. She didn’t realize the rain had come down heavily on them. She didn’t realize she was crying.

She didn’t realize she was going right into the woods. Alone. At night.

Only when a wolf howled uncomfortably close, she stopped the horse in its tracks. It neighed uncomfortably as Y/N stared into the woods, until she heard a howl.

She ushered the horse just in time. A pack of giant wolves jumped out as they rushed forward. Her heart was beating for a different reason. The rain was making it impossible to see as she held on for dear life. A moment later she shifted in the saddle and her leg hit a sword that was mounted on the horse.

She realized the mare wasn’t hers. With adrenaline pumping inside of her she tried to unbuckle the sword with one hand, while keeping the other one on the reigns. She struggled and the wolves were catching up. Her life was flashing before her eyes and the dread was filling in, but she knew she hadn’t lived enough yet.

She remembered Jaskiers kiss as vivid as if it was happening now, finally freeing the sword. It was heavier than she expected, throwing her off balance. Roach turned right too, unexpectedly skiting off the hill. The horse took a sharp turn, standing on its hind legs and Y/H hand slipped off the reigns. With a painful thud, she hid the ground.

Roach neighed in fear, rushing off into the woods. Y/N had to blink hard before she could see again, and when she did, her heart dropped. The wolves had her surrounded, their angry growls making hairs on her body stand up. She saw the sword dropped to her right. Out of reach. She was done. There was nothing she could do anymore.

She closed her eyes, hoping her death would be quick.

She heard a thud first. Then, something heavy dropped on her. Her eyes shot open and she saw a decapitated beast on her. Warm blood was soaking through her dress, sending shivers down her spine. Y/N only then sae Geralts back, and his sword drawn, a few more wolves laying in front of him.

The rest of the pack was slayed quickly too, as Y/N stared blankly, too scared to move. All she could smell was blood. As she could feel was fear and relief mixing inside of her. She didn’t like they made together. Her vision became blurry again. And when Geralt finally turned to face her again, she covered her mouth with one of her hands, tears streaming down her face.

Unexpected kindness shined from the witcher as he leaned down, pushing the wolf corpse off of her. His hand landed on her shoulder heavily. In response, she rushed into his arms. He just held her as she sobbed into his shoulder.

He wasn’t bothered by the rain that was drowning them both or that she reeked of blood or that he had just cleaned these clothes. He just held the girl, who almost seemed like a child, shaking in his arms, gripping onto him like he was the last straw holding her together.

“I’m sorry.” She finally managed, not pulling away. His hands around her tightened.

“Not your fault.” He rubbed her back gently as she took a few shaky breaths in.

“I didn’t mean to take Roach.” She leans away, meeting Geralts yellow eyes. He smiles.

“I followed you because you did. You’d be dead otherwise.” Y/N swallowed hard again, blinking back a new wave of tears. Geralt kept his arms around the girl, which she appreciated.

“Thank you.” Her voice broke.

Silence settled between them as Roach seemed to come back to them. It neighed, shaking its head as Geralt and Y/N stayed on the ground, in the dirt. Gazing at each other.

She saw warmth in his cat eyes. There was something welcoming and inviting in them, something that made her feel safe. Like a fireplace on a cold winter night. She felt okay. Nothing could hurt her as long as she was in his arms. She was sure of it.

“I am sorry you had to follow me here.” She breaks the silence, relaxing her body.

“I’m sorry you had to leave like that.” Geralt grows serious again. “Jaskier didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know.” Y/N closes her eyes now, feeling the rain roll down her back. “I just wish I was enough.”

“You are. For the right person.” Her lips shake a little as she leans forward, placing her forehead on his shoulder.

“I just want to be enough.” She whispers again, as Geralt gazes into the woods. His hands tighten around her. “Pretty enough. Nice enough. Just enough to be loved. Enough to be remembered.”

“I didn’t forget you.” Geralt reminds sending a electric wave through her body. She sniffles, opening her eyes, staring at her hands.

“You didn’t.” He now grabs her shoulders pushing her away. They lock eyes, as she is suddenly drawn to his honey.

“And I wont.” Her heart skips a beat as she thinks he might lean in for a kiss. She is ready. She wants him to do it, but instead, he stands up, dragging her up with him. “Let’s get you dried up.”

She remains silent as the witcher drops her on Roach, jumping behind her. He takes the reigns, and so does she, her hands still shaking. She leans back into his chest, feeling his breathing as he guides Roach back towards the tavern.

Y/N is sure she hears wolves howl in the distance but she closes her eyes and feels safe with Geralt sitting behind her, steady and unmovable like a wall. Unbreakable.

Once she opens her eyes, they are back. He helps her down the horse, holding onto her as they enter the tavern, but this time, he guides her up to stairs. The room they entered was a bedroom, but Geralt guided her to a bathroom where a warm bath seemed to be ready.

Y/N looked at Geralt who had taken his shirt off. He glanced at her.

“You’re going to bathe with your bloody dress?” She felt a rush go though her body. Her lips curled.

She dropped her, standing there uncovered in front of him. His lips curled as he dropped the remains of his clothes. They didn’t stare at each other for an uncomfortable amount of time, but just enough for their eyes light up with hunger.

They stepped in the bath, warmth surrounding them as Geralt placed his hands on the sides of the bath, towering over Y/N, who was half underwater. His eyes were eating her up as his muscles tensed up.

“You’re pretty.” He said.

“Shut up.” She flushed, going underwater to avoid his gaze.

She didn’t expect him to follow, but he did, pressing her to the bottom. His lips found hers, breathing in the air her lungs craved. He wrapped his arms around her, dragging them both from underwater. The kiss didn’t split.

And there Y/N was, surrounded my candlelight, electricity running over her body again, drowning in honey and metal. She felt whole again, she felt safe. She felt loved and important, she felt seen when he locked eyes with her.

She wasn’t Amelia, no. But Y/N was herself.

And she was enough.

******************************

A/N [again]: i lost the plot at the end im sorry i had a whole ass bottle of wine and i got super saddo towards it so yikes, hope you still enjoy, requests are open ofc but it might take me two years to get to it and im not kidding okay luvs i love yall bue

#will tags work #witcher x reader #geralt x reader #tags never work for me #for fox sake #geralt fluff #soft geralt #jaskier an ass #i love jasky but idk #i felt a bit of geralt tonight #also like what #i am tired #this sucks might delete later #hahaha #okay #bye #tags pls work #thankx

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taste-in-music · 5 years

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My Favorite Albums of 2019

It’s that time of the year again folks! 2019 was year filled with exciting new releases by some of my all-time favorite artists being dropped left and right at an overwhelming rate. Not only that, there were so many debut full-length projects from artists that had been simmering in the EP zone for years, or had otherwise gotten onto my radar from their shorter efforts in years prior. Needless to say, I found this year to be even more enjoyable and enthralling than last year, and last year was pretty great. I’m going to stop rambling. Like last year’s list, this is in no particular order with the exception of the final album, which is my favorite album of the year.

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen: Part of me was nervous for this album’s release. How could Queen Carly Rae possibly follow up the modern pop masterpiece that is E•MO•TION? However, my nervousness was sated when I heard the single “Now That I Found You,” which, I’m going to say it, is the best pop song of the year. Hands down, no competition even came close. It slams every single time I put it on. The whole album is a lot of fun to listen to, from the glimmering sugar-rush synths on the opening track “Julian” to the playful Popeye sample on “Everything He Needs.” If for any reason you’re still a Jepsen skeptic stuck on her being the “Call Me Maybe Girl,” give this album and E•MO•TION a try and you will realize just how much she has to offer.

My Top Tracks: Now That I Found You, Party For One, Happy Not Knowing

Heard It In A Past Life by Maggie Rogers: This album dropped in January and it’s safe to say it was my first favorite album of the year. I’d been counting down the days to this since falling in love with Now That The Light Is Fading early last year. I made an entire post reacting to this album, and while some of my thoughts have changed since then, I can still say that this project has an array of great folk-pop songs with excellent vocals and lush production. Classics like “Alaska” are always fun to return to, but the deeper cuts are what really shine on this project. The bounciness of “The Knife” cements it as an essential Summer bop, “Say It” is an achingly relatable and sensually delivered unrequited love song, the fluttering opening chorus of angels on “Retrograde” gives me chills every time, and “Back In My Body” reduces me to an emotional wreck.

My Top Tracks: The Knife, Retrograde, Back In My Body

Sucker Punch by Sigrid: Sometimes you just need to listen to something that will make you happy, and this album offers joy in spades. Sigrid’s vocals range from fleeting and emotional to raspy, but are always charming. The production is vibrant and colorful, from the flurry of strings that open “Sight of You” to the splashy sound effects that pepper “Business Dinners” or that giant, stomping chorus on “Mine Right Now.” The hooks on this album are catchy as ever, crawling their way right into your brain and making a home there in the best kind of way. Sigrid is such a reinvigorating presence in the pop world, and while I do wish that she could have made more of a splash stateside, seeing her European success gives me hope for the future.

My Top Tracks: Sight Of You, In Vain, Don’t Feel Like Crying

Keepsake by Hatchie: If I had heard Hatchie’s debut EP Sugar & Spice last year, I’m sure that it would’ve made it onto my year end list. Thankfully, this year we’ve got an album, so I can continue to gush about Hatchie and give her the notoriety she deserves. Her vocals are filled with genuine, love stricken euphoria as they drift over fluorescent, guitar driven soundscapes. Listening to this album feels like floating away on cotton candy clouds, it’s a sugar rush of dreamy indie rock that will sweep you clean off your feet.

My Top Tracks: Stay With Me, Without A Blush, Her Own Heart

WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? by Billie Eilish: Listen to this thing with a pair of really good headphones and you’ll be in for a whole experience and half, the production is amazing. Not only that, it’s creative. Take the vocal warping on “xanny” and “bad guy,” or the knives scraping along “you should see me in a crown,” or the sample of a dental drill used on “bury a friend.” (The only exception to this is that first track where she takes out her Invisalign. Those slurpy sounds make me cringe every time.) The rest of the albums is pretty great though. Billie Eilish and Finneas O’Connell went and crafted one of the most lyrically tight and sonically textured pop albums this year had to offer, and for that I have nothing but respect.

My Top Tracks: when the party’s over, all the good girls go to hell, bury a friend

Jade Bird by Jade Bird: Jade Bird has been one of my favorite up-and-coming artists of the past year or so, dropping not only the wonderful Something American EP but also a slew of firecracker singles in anticipation for this album. This project contains not only rock bangers that showcase the firepower and grit in Bird’s voice, (“Uh Huh,” “I Get No Joy,” “Love Has All Been Done Before,”) but also softer, somber ballads that allow her lyricism to shine, (“17,” “If I Die.”) This album is a strong debut that showcases not only promise, but prowess as well.

My Top Tracks: Uh Huh, Love Has All Been Done Before, I Get No Joy

Pang by Caroline Polachek: This album transports me to another plane of reality, melding frosty art-pop soundscapes with glistening synths and captivating melodies. Polachek’s vocals are some of the most expressive and impressive of the year, gliding through runs and jumps with ease. Each song feels like its own little world, whether it be the wistful seas of “Ocean of Tears,” the flitting pianos on “Go As a Dream,” or the funky groove of “So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings,” the most instantly addictive song of the year.

My Top Tracks: So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings, Hit Me Where It Hurts, Look At Me Now

Cheap Queen by King Princess: Everything about King Princess’s music and aesthetic is so self-assured and cool that I feel slightly unworthy of being in her presence. That doesn’t mean that this album is devoid of relatability, however, as the lyrics still touch on themes of self consciousness, (like on the opening track, “Tough On Myself,”) and the trials and tribulations of relationships, (”Prophet,” “Ain’t Together.”) The production on this album meshes King Princess’s modern feel with vintage flourishes, such as old vocal samples or record crackles, that come together to give the record a sense of timelessness.

My Top Tracks: Tough On Myself, Cheap Queen, Hit the Back

Cuz I Love You by Lizzo: From the very first note of the very first song of this album, you know that Lizzo is putting in 1000%. Can we just sit back and thank the powers of good for allowing us to be in her presence? We truly don’t deserve her. This album has everything, from empowerment anthems, (”Like A Girl,” “Tempo,”) to heartbroken ballads, (the title track, “Jerome,”) to roof-raising bops, (”Juice,” “Exactly How I Feel.”) Every element of this project, from the vibrant production to the powerful vocals to the lyrics, emulates such a sense of confidence and love that by the end of each listen I have no choice but to stan both Lizzo and myself.

My Top Tracks: Cuz I Love You, Juice, Jerome

Atlanta Millionaires Club by Faye Webster: This album is one of the most charming listens of the year, I heard the very first line of the very first song and fell head over heels in love. Faye Webster’s tear-stained R&B-infused folk pop walks the line between catchy and melancholic, joyful and melodic, just perfectly. “Kingston” gets my award for dreamiest song of the year, I can’t think of any other song that is able to put me at ease faster. Whether she’s lamenting about her best friend being her dog or letting Father jump on a track to deliver the chillest rap verse ever, she’s got something you’ll love up her sleeve.

My Top Tracks: Kingston, Jonny, Room Temperature

Norman Fucking Rockwell! by Lana Del Rey: As soon as I heard “Mariner’s Apartment Complex” last year, my expectations for this album skyrocketed through the roof. Needless to say, this album didn’t disappoint, and is in my opinion Lana’s strongest work to date. Norman Fucking Rockwell! features some of the most mature and sharp songwriting, beautiful performances, and sweet melodies of her whole career. The title track works like a diss track, as Lana roasts the subject in question with beautiful eloquence. The lilting syllables on the chorus of “Bartender” allow the song to nestle deep in your brain and stay for a while. The atmosphere of the album reminds me of a cool day in early September, driving down the coastline of rural California, and I adore it.

My Top Tracks: Norman fucking Rockwell, Cinnamon Girl, Mariners Apartment Complex

Don’t Feed The Pop Monster by Broods: What a fun and refreshing listen this turned out to be! Whether it’s with a Summery synthpop jam on “Peach,” the 90s-eque grunge of “Old Dog,” or the heartbroken pleading on “Why Do You Believe Me?” Broods always deliver. While the sound of this project is a bit all over the place, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t cohesive, as it is grounded by the creative force that is the Nott siblings. If you’re on the hunt for some pop that’ll keep you on your toes, then this should be right up your alley. (Also, get some good headphones, wrap yourself up in a fuzzy blanket, and really take in “Life After.” You won’t regret it. That song continuously brings me to tears. Just beautiful.)

My Top Tracks: Peach, Sucker, Life After

Practice Magic and Seek Professional Help When Necessary by Tōth: I think I’ve finally found an album that can finally help define as “warlock music.” I stumbled across Tōth due to his involvement in the band Rubblebucket, (whose song “Fruity” made my favorite songs of the year list last year,) and what a hidden gem his music turned out to be. There’s a kind of sweet peacefulness that inhibits this album that always keeps me coming back for another listen. The lyrics follow a painful breakup and the healing process after, and the tone of the music wonderfully matches the fragility of that state of mind. The instrumentals are soft and somber, but also have some unique elements sprinkled in, (take the trumpet solo on “No Reason” or the clip-clopping groove on “Copilot.) If you need an album to put on to just unwind, give this one a try, I really love it.

My Top Tracks: Copilot, No Reason, Picture Of You

Good At Falling by The Japanese House: Let’s contextualize my love for this project. When I heard the single “Follow My Girl” last year, it literally made my jaw drop with its beauty. Now, it’s not even my favorite song from this album. The plucky guitars on “You Seemed so Happy” gets me smiling from the very first chord, and the rhythmic rush that follows each chorus in “Wild” makes my heart skitter. Amber Bain’s vocals are coated in their signature layer of slick vocoding, allowing them to drift over the icy soundscapes with ease. Just lovely.

My Top Tracks: Follow My Girl, We Talk All The Time, You Seemed so Happy

LÉON by LÉON: And here we have it folks, my favorite album of the year. After years of only releasing EPs, LÉON finally delivered her first full-length project, and it did not disappoint in the slightest. This album’s got it all, both the ever-bouncy bops and the heartbroken ballads that make me miss a relationship that isn’t even mine. LÉON's vocals are as warm and smoky as ever, the melodies are instantly catchy, and the lyrics are to-the-point yet endlessly effective. “Hope Is A Heartache” discusses working through possessive feelings following a breakup, and hits like a gut punch every time. Her voice shines on the “Cruel To Care” voice memo, where she sings in one take over a simple plucked guitar. Other favorite moments include the airy, vocoded “Pink,” (an excellent unrequited love song that tunes into my clownery,) and the doo-wop “ooh-woo”-ing add-libs on “Baby Don’t Talk.”

My Top Tracks: Baby Don’t Talk, Falling, Pink

Also, if Saved by Now, Now had come out this year it would be #1 on this list.

What were your favorite albums of 2019? Did you listen to any of these albums? Leave your recommendations and thoughts down below.

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