#a bit of freedom to do what they wanted instead of having their career decided by their parents/adults. but its still so young and to have

[backseatloversz]

sorry for ryan pete posting to main they make me sick what was their deal

[tellmegoodbye]

A not-so-brief analysis of Carlos and Gabriel's relationship and Carlos' decision to join the Texas Rangers.

We know Carlos is going to join the Rangers, and we also know that season 5 is going to dive into the emotional significance of this choice. This article touches on that, but I wanted to do a bit more of an in-depth analysis of this choice for Carlos and how it relates to his relationship with Gabriel.

Thank you @herefortarlos for reading this over for me and making sure my rambling was at least somewhat coherent!

First, let's take a look at how Carlos feels about other roles, and whether or not they would be something that he would want.

When Carlos was first offered the opportunity to take the detective's exam, he didn't immediately say no. In fact, his face lit up at the idea. It's something that caters to a specific ability that he has, and it's clearly something he considers before eventually deciding against it. Is it an easy decision? No. That much is obvious in the way he tells Grace that he's not a detective in 3x11.

Clearly, he wants to be the person who solves the cases. He wants to have more of an impact than simply just being there for someone's worst moments. He wants to do more to make these moments easier. He wants to find answers and provide closure, and doing so gives him the kind of purpose that he's been looking for. We can see that when he's praised by Detective Washington and Athena. We see that when he brings Katie back to her parents and when he helps Grace seek justice for Lexi.

Still, he turns down the idea of becoming a detective. He's nonchalant in his explanation to Detective Washington. He tells her it's because he wants to be in the moment, stopping problems before they start. And this is true! Carlos is someone who craves control. He would rather be the person who stops the abusive partner from hurting his girlfriend in 2x05, who saves the girl trapped in her food truck in 2x02, instead of the person who has to go inform the families of their deaths. He can't be a comforting presence in those scenarios.

Slowly, I think Carlos begins to see that he can make an impact in many different ways. That there's still value in picking up the pieces after damage has been done, because the lives of everyone involved do not stop after a trauma. Now, Carlos not only sees the value in this, but he also learns that he is someone who has a talent and a drive for it. He has a desire to make things right in any way that he can. However, as much as he clearly loves the idea of allowing himself to thrive in his career, to be the person who solves the case and brings peace and closure to people, he still can't get past the powerlessness he'll feel when he comes across a case that he can't solve, or a problem that he can't fix in time.

A lot of these reservations could definitely translate to the Rangers, but there's something deeper there than what he was able to express at the time. Something that made him have a very immediate, negative reaction, as opposed to remaining a patrol officer or becoming a detective.

Part of it is exactly what he expressed, but history is not the only factor at play here. It's not what sets this role apart from the others. Part of it is his freedom within his role, the ability to be proactive, instead of reactive, but another major factor that he's probably somewhat aware of, but just couldn't express in front of Gabriel, is that the main difference when it comes to the Rangers is that he would be working with his dad. I'm not positive of how the hierarchy works but even if he wasn't officially working under Gabriel, he would still be a hovering presence. Having Gabriel within his vicinity feels like a loss of freedom for Carlos in its own way.

It's not just about working with Gabriel either. It's about what Gabriel represents to Carlos. He trusts his judgement, this is evident in the way Carlos tries to calm TK down in 2x12. He knows Gabriel will do his due diligence and that he won't settle for the easy answers, which lied with Owen as a suspect at the time. Carlos knows his dad does his job well, but he doesn't see him as someone who actively strives towards something better. He saw mostly indifference throughout his childhood, and this significantly impacted his perception of Gabriel.

gif by me

We know a slightly different view of Gabriel from Andrea. She saw all of the parts of him that he tried to hide from the rest of the world. She's the one he shared his innermost feelings with. Andrea knows, and tells us, that Gabriel cared a lot about leaving things better off than they were when he got there. But that picture causes dissonance for Carlos when for most of his life, he knew the version of Gabriel who struggled with his coming out. Who wasn't able to take the steps to reassure him. Who never learned to have conversations about his feelings instead of shutting them down. In his job, Gabriel wanted to change the cycle, but at home, he couldn't. The cycle of repressed feelings continued through Carlos, and it left him with a lot of trauma.

Carlos has gotten to a point where he has confidence in himself. He feels comfortable standing on his own two feet and making tough decisions on the job, but when Gabriel is around, it's a different story. I doubt he would have been able to make the decisions he did in Bad Call if Gabriel had been there from the start. He knew he could trust his instincts, but when Gabriel came in to question him, Carlos began to question himself. All of that self-doubt that came with years of wanting to be good enough for his father came bubbling up to the surface.

Looking back on how much tension came from working with Gabriel then, Carlos doesn't want to go back there. He doesn't want to feel like that again when he and Gabriel have spent all this time mending their relationship. He doesn't want to comprise everything that he wants to be in favor of working under Gabriel's expectations.

Now, let's take a look at the complexities of Carlos and Gabriel's relationship. We know his role with the Rangers contributed significantly to how Carlos viewed the job as a whole, but this story isn't just about a job. Their careers are only a vehicle for them to better understand themselves and their relationship.

We know they started the reconciliation process after this episode, but it seems they only started to scratch the surface of all of the conversations that needed to be had between them. In 4x12 Carlos says he only just started a relationship with him, and has a clear desire to build on that. However, when we get to 4x17 the pain in his eyes reflects something that he hasn't yet received closure for.

This scene does so much more than introduce the idea of Carlos joining the Rangers. For the first time, we're not just seeing Gabriel through Carlos' eyes. We're not just seeing Carlos struggling with feeling inadequate in his father's eyes. We see two individuals who love each other, but who both harbor a lot of shame towards themselves. We see two people who are afraid they aren't good enough in each other's eyes. We can hear Gabriel's pain just as much as we hear Carlos' when he asks him how long he's been ashamed of him.

The shame Gabriel feels in himself isn't a product of his career, but of the mistakes he made as a father and the fear he still struggles to express. He can see how all of this has affected Carlos. We've seen, and will continue to see Carlos' journey with learning who Gabriel was as a person, outside of his role as his father. And in turn, Carlos will hopefully come to learn more about all of the feelings Gabriel had that he failed to express to him. Starting with his feelings towards Carlos' ability to do his job.

Clearly, Gabriel knows Carlos is competent. He's practically glowing when he offers Carlos the position with the Rangers, but has he always felt this way? Well, it's complicated.

Carlos says that he thinks Gabriel saw him as being too soft. There very well could be some truth here. As much as Gabriel and Andrea love their son, his coming out would not have completely changed their thinking overnight. It took time for them to rewire their brains, for Gabriel in particular to erase previously held ideas of masculinity and understand Carlos as a person. Having said that, this is again only one factor.

Gabriel looks at Carlos not with judgement, but with reflection. He sees much more of himself in Carlos than he would care to admit, and that's why the main thing he would have felt upon learning of his career choice would be fear. He's scared, and that's not an emotion he's comfortable outwardly expressing, so Carlos only sees the way he tries to rationalize his fear. He doesn't see what Gabriel sees when he looks at him, which is someone who is driven, passionate, and someone who will sacrifice himself for others. The last thing Gabriel wants is to watch Carlos repeat the mistakes he made and put himself at risk by being stubborn like him. To close himself off emotionally just like he did.

We see all of this come to a head in 4x04 when Gabriel is weirdly calm. He falls back on habits that are necessary for his survival, and for Carlos'. And we can see that he's obviously been mentally preparing himself for this moment ever since the day Carlos told him he was going to become a police officer.

Learning this about Gabriel will offer a lot of closure for Carlos, because when I see the frustration and anger on his face in 4x17, I see more than surface level reservations about this specific role. I see the kid who desperately wants to ask his father "Why now? Why are you proud of me now? Why did I have to wait so many years for you to have confidence and pride in me? Why are you asking me to come work with you when you didn't even believe I could do my job two years ago, when you didn't support me or defend me, when you never trusted that I had the ability to make the right decisions in the field? How do you expect me to work in an environment where my instincts and opinions aren't respected?"

And I wish Gabriel could have gotten the chance to answer these questions. To show him that his idea of what it means to do good is more in tune with Carlos' than he ever knew. To have a conversation about his own shortcomings and mistakes that he made as a father, to apologize for all of those years of walls he built between them, for the time it took for him to become more comfortable in his own emotions.

Gabriel was slowly learning to be more open and honest, to allow himself to feel emotions like fear, like sadness, and anything else he's spent nearly his entire life bottling up. If there was one conversation he absolutely needed to have with Carlos, it's this. The most important lesson he had to learn, which was that emotional maturity and masculinity go hand in hand. Having emotions doesn’t make you incompetent, and it's what you do with those emotions that make you a more functional person.

Or, in Owen's words, "There should be a heart behind that shield."

This is a lesson Carlos is still learning too. Even without his dad, he's going to have to learn to be comfortable in the absence of control. He's going to have to learn how to let go, to grieve even if he doesn't have answers or justice. He will grow as a person, and he will find solace in that feeling of the unknown that he's been fighting against for so long. It's with this obsession, this determination that he will come to realize he does not have to be the end all be all for every problem. That he is allowed to be imperfect and make mistakes, that he can be human and still do amazing things in any role he chooses.

We lost Gabriel far too soon after he made this discovery for himself. That's part of the tragedy. But Carlos is still here, and he will grow in ways his father never got the chance to. That is one of the many ways that he'll honor his memory.

He's going to learn a lot about himself in season 5, and along the way he will also learn a lot about his father. In the end I think he's going to find his own version of closure when it comes to their relationship. He'll find the answers he's looking for in terms of Gabriel's murder, and in terms of what Gabriel saw when he looked at him. Which is, and always was, pride. Even if he struggled to show it for so long.

I don't know what exactly his journey is going to look like, but one thing I do know is that Carlos is going to grow and become more comfortable in his own skin than he ever has been before. And that's the most important thing at the end of the day.

[cmrosens]

Worldbuilding notes for queer normative fantasy societies... I have a lot of thoughts about this so here are some notes and questions around 3 of the main ones I have been thinking about recently.

1. How many different structures of formally recognised relationships are there outside of the monogamous spouse version?

If you want a society where relationships themselves are queered, moving away from a monogamous default, think about different forms of union and commitment and whether these can be legally recognised and what the legal/civil ramifications are.

Who recognises these relationships? What is the legal process to get them recognised? If there is no legal process then are we looking at a society where taxes are a communal responsibility and not levelled at individuals?

Is there freedom of movement and if so how much is affordable and feasible - does this have a bearing on queer people even in a queer normative world? What happens if the village is very small and has 3 queer people in it none of whom really like each other? Where do you go to find a partner if you can't travel far?

If the society thinks arranged marriages are normal and there is no concept of marrying for love, and no expectation of attraction only reasonable companionship, and you can have multiple spouses/formal partners for political reasons and to unite families (perhaps to formally team up and spread the cost of those communal taxes, etc) then you may end up with the situation of lots of different relationship structures and someone married off finally coming out as straight, and their formal partner wingmanning them to find someone else to be with.

2. Inheritance law and family connections

In a queer normative society, it would make sense for both biological kids and adopted or fostered kids to be equally accepted and no distinction drawn between them. This has extensive knock-on effects for how society is structured and

Legitimacy may not even mean anything in a society with multiple relationship structures. So how does this all work legally and socially and culturally and politically and economically?

First off: does it matter who your parents are and whether you have a firm grasp of your personal genealogy, or would people just give up on all that because it gets so muddy.

E.g.::::

"I am Bran son of Brom" means nothing when you actually mean, "I am Bran, my mother Ceris was the wife of Carl and she carried me to term and Brom didn't impregnate her, that was Roan, partner of Brom, but to be fair it might also be Carl because we can't really be sure on the timing there, and then Ceris and her other partner Sara both nursed me as a baby and then as a kid it was decided I would have more opportunities in life if I went to live with Brom and Roan and learned their trade, and then Brom as the higher earner and the one contributing most to the communal taxes thought he should be the one to formally adopt me, even though I still mostly lived with Ceris and Carl and Sara until I was 16, because then I would inherit more and be able to pursue a different career path and have money to travel, so when I say I am Bran son of Brom I mean only in the technical legal sense".

It also makes no sense here to say, "I am Bran son of Brom" and erase Ceris, Sara, Carl and Roan from that picture of yourself, particularly if the society is not patriarchal and therefore less likely to reckon lineage in a strict patrilineal way.

In this example, the implications of saying, "I am Bran son of Brom" are that you don't KNOW who your other connections are and you have had a childhood lacking in all the other communal connections others have had. You only know Brom. Were you hermits, living apart from society in a lonely, mountainous region somewhere? That would make sense. But people might still look at you once you say "I am Bran son of Brom" and wait a bit and then be like, "...Brom, and...??"

Like you wouldn't say that. You would instead say something like, "I am Bran of Seven Oaks" because the place is what everyone has in common, or you might say "I am Bran, of the Seven Oaks community" if the people are more important than their location.

Or would communities like this have their own assigned name, if not based on location, then on something else? A symbol or glyph that represents different groups and people adopt this glyph when they enter into a new community, but keep records of the previous ones they have been connected to until there is a whole string of glyphs after their name as a shorthand record of their entire network of relationships? Is this marked on their skin or on some item they wear? Formally inscribed in ledgers and public records?

Do these glyphs appear as a straight line, a row or column, or is there a cobweb or star shape with different sections/points meaning different things, and these symbols/glyohs/letters or whatever are placed in the web or star points?

That might be a cool item of jewellery with things carved on beads and beads added to it, or a massive back tattoo that gets added to all the time until for some it covers their whole body like a map of all the people they have connected with in some official way through their entire lives, especially if you adopt a kid and add in that kid's connections that are now connected to you.

How would people react to those with very few beads and few connections? Would they treat them with pity or with suspicion? What is the story of "Bran son of Brom"??

3. Patriarchy vs Matriarchy vs ....????

First, let's not pretend Matriarchy is a utopia. It is the same thing as patriarchy except women are in charge, and is equally as toxic in terms of structure. A society where 50% of citizens are subject to gender-based power structures is not a good one regardless of which gender is in charge.

Also, this still presents the normative of a gender binary, so you would still have structural oppression of genders who do not conform to or are perceived to undermine that binary. Up to you if your society is like that, but one to consider.

Also if we are talking about a queer normative society with one of those "gender plague" situations so everyone with an X or Y chromosome is dead, trans people and non binary people would still exist, still presenting in the applicable way. Intersex people would still exist, and people who present as "the sex that doesn't get the plague" may still contract it and die of it if you have it linked to chromosomes, because unless you do chromosomal testing you won't always know to look at someone what they have. So there is all that to think about.

Eliminating all cis men from a society doesn't actually get rid of men or masc-presenting people, but it does open things up for a less binary society in general.

If we aren't playing with dodgy science, and we have a queer normative society but you do want to explore some hierarchical structures within it, there are lots of other ways you can do that unrelated to gender.

In fact it doesn't make sense for this fantasy society in the "Bran son of Brom" example to have "gender roles" at all, so what is the internal family structure like in terms of power balance? Is this more about dominant personality vs democracy (just because you agree one person is in charge means nothing in practice if there is a more charismatic option that undermines this elected choice). Is it to do with earning power? If things are decided at communal meetings, who chairs them and why? What is the knock on logical effect on society on a larger scale?

So much stuff to think about there tbh

[theninthdoor]

What does the future hold for Blackpink member's individual careers going forward?

Jisoo || ten of wands, queen of swords: If she hasn't started to get them already, she's about to… there are tons and tons of offers coming her way. So many, in fact, that it will likely become very overwhelming both for her and her new company/management. She'll have to decide first the direction in which she wants to take her career, and only then should she decline or accept them. I also feel like she's way more at ease now when it comes to rejecting projects and deals, since there's no longer that feeling of "if I don't take this, I might never get another chance" (because, as we know, YGE was always extremely picky with the kind & how many solo activities the girls were allowed to do).

Jennie || I've looked into Jennie's career future already > here

Rosé || the high priestess rx, nine of wands: I think, in the upcoming months, Rosé will be trying to find her identity both as a person and as an artist. This newfound "freedom" is nice, of course, but it also brings about a lot of stress and uncertainty. She got so used to being told what to do and having others make decisions for her, that now she's a bit lost, anxious and unsure of what it is that she wants to do or who she wants to be. It might take her a little longer than the others to come out with new music or big solo activities, I think, but once we get them, they'll be totally genuine and true to the (new) vision she has for herself.

Lisa || ten of swords, queen of wands rx: So, I'm getting 2 main messages from this… 1) she's ending a lot old partnerships, either because they don't align with what she wants for her future or because she feels like these people/companies/entities aren't really rooting for her. To be completely honest with you, I think much of this has to do with the Paris show debacle, and the possibility that these companies either stayed quiet and still instead of supporting her, or gave her a slap on the wrist for it. Regardless, she's done with them. 2) I kinda see her wanting to cause a little more chaos??? Lisa still doesn't feel "free"; the chains of her idol career/image are pretty much still intact, despite what happened. I think she wants to enter or "Good Girl Gone Bad" era soon, but even though that move has proven to work for many, I just wish she'd be more careful with how she decides to go about it - since I'm also picking up on some (more) brands/people distancing themselves from her because of it.

btw, sorry if Lisa's answer was a bit longer, but there were a looot of layers to it. I tried my best to narrow it down.

(Disclaimer: All is alleged and for entertainment purposes only. Based on current energies.)

[littlewestern]

999

YELLING AT ME. WHY.

999 is. Gosh. She's everything to me.

Because of her long career, 999 has done just about every job there is to do on a railway, but by far the one she's best at and the one she found the most fun is being a touring engine and being great at it. You know that scene in Devil Wears Prada where Andrea goes to the Paris Fashion Show and part of her job is knowing who everyone is, their relationships to each other, and what their goals and motives are for being at the show? Being a touring show engine means doing all of that and also knowing your mark and where you'll be in two weeks, but you don't have anyone helping you. 999 knows every engine worth knowing, the benefit of which is that you might also get to. Well. Know them-know them. *waggles eyebrows*

Famous Engines have no trouble snagging dates, and 999 has fully and totally embraced the Famous Engine lifestyle, complete with the part where she hooks up with someone and then tries to get her date to hook up with one of her single friends instead. That might actually be her favorite part, since she's.... kiiiiinda spoken for.

AT&SF 2903:

I talked a bit in the Truro post about how engines are polyamorous by nature with a few notable exceptions. This isn't one of them, since 999 gets to jet off to the Railway Speed Record party once a year and have her fun, but she always has a nice place to come home to.

Being the only steam engines at the MSI for years, this definitely started as a situationship with both parties fully intending to keep it that way. After all, 999 is a Famous Engine, and the most notable thing 2903 ever did was be really big and heavy. It's not much of a match, and no one thinks of them as a power couple. However....

Well, 999 likes to buck expectations. She also likes engines who don't take things too seriously, and she likes being able to shed that Famous persona whenever it suits her. She also likes big engines. 2903 pretty well covers all the bases here. He even cleans up nice if you decide to take him out for an evening, although not without the complaint. Which is why she doesn't take him out that often. He's perfectly fine with that.

When 2903 moved to the IRM, it was also probably 999 who suggested that she and Pioneer could take field trips to go visit their very good friends at the other museum. Pioneer wouldn't think to be so forward, but 999 has less of a problem being charmingly audacious, and it certainly worked out in both their favors' (as well as a few other engines').

One of my favorite tropes in fiction is the married couple who are always gossiping and bickering but obviously love each other very much and are still super into each other after all these years. That's the vibe here. Of course, 999 still has her freedom which is why I will at least mention one other engine I like for her.

BOEING 727 (N7017U):

I've not decided whether or not these two ever make it official in any capacity, but they are certainly very good friends. Gal pals, you might say.

Shipping aside, 727 is another engine 999 can fully be herself with, which is nice at a museum where your other choices for company don't rank nearly as high on the 'fun' scale. 727 understands the importance of a good gossip sesh, a virtue which neither of them have been able to impart upon the Pioneer Zephyr, despite 999's best efforts.

I said I haven't decided whether or not they actually "get together", and part of that is their different approaches to the issue. 999 gets to have her fun then go play with her favorite steam engine once a month, but 727 has a bit more responsibility to deal with keeping little planes in line and being a bigger and more integral exhibit besides. That, and she's got a bit of a crush on a certain reclusive submarine.

But 999 is a good friend, and she wants her bestie to be happy. And I did say her favorite part of the whole thing was playing matchmaker...

[unclewaynemunson]

And suddenly we're Thelma and Louise

Yaaayy my fic for Lex's Spicy Six Summer Challenge is finished, time for some lesbian romcom roadtrip summer vibes 💖

The sun is shining, Blondie is blasting from the speakers and Robin is riding a sugar high from the overdose of M&M's she's been eating. She looks to her left, where Nancy is sitting behind the wheel, and is struck for the millionth time by what a gorgeous sight she is to behold: her usually perfectly styled hair is blown all messy by the breeze coming in through the open windows and the tip of her nose is just a little bit sunburnt. Her pale, thin fingers are loosely resting on the steering wheel, absentmindedly drumming along to the music. And her eyes – those goddamn enchanting eyes – have that bright twinkle in them while they both sing along to Go through it at the top of their lungs.

As the trees and the rolling hills flash by, and more miles of asphalt disappear underneath the wheels of the car, Robin ponders how different Nancy looks compared to her graduation night a few weeks ago.

🚙

It was a perfect evening in the way everything about Nancy's life was to the outside world. But after having known her for more than six years, Robin knew better. She was one of the few people who got to see the Nancy behind the scenes; behind the robes and the valedictorian speech and the brightly shining sun and the big party with all her family and friends and fancy appetizers. She had seen Nancy's fake smile faltering and witnessed her tears while the two of them were hidden from view near the end of the party.

'I accomplished nothing,' Nancy had told her with wet cheeks and trembling hands.

Robin didn't remind her of her diploma solely consisting straight A's, or her internship at the New Yorker, or the job offers she received from at least three big players on the journalism market. She knew that that wasn't what Nancy meant.

'I wanted to see the world, remember? And here I am, with a degree and literally nothing else.'

Everything Robin could tell her felt like the wrong thing for this particular conversation. She knew how incredibly hard Nancy had worked, how much she dreamed of a career and success. But there was no room for what she had accomplished in her post-graduation doom spiral, which was merely built of the things she had not done over the past six years. The things she'd had to give up to get where she was now. The things Robin did get to do: parties and hookups and the stupid mistakes everyone makes when they're in their twenties; random jobs she enjoyed instead of jobs that looked good on her resume; trips to different states, even to different countries sometimes.

'You still got time to do that,' was what Robin settled on saying. And when Nancy shot her a look filled with disbelief, she decided to double down on it. 'I'm serious, Nance, it's not like your life is over after graduating. You still got years ahead of you to see the world! You know what? This is actually the perfect moment: for once in your life, you have zero obligations – you have the ultimate freedom right now! You'll find your dream job literally whenever with that perfect resume of yours, you still have tons of shady hush money sensibly saved away... There's literally nothing stopping you, right?'

It was illustrative of Nancy's determined nature when her tears made place for a small smile right after Robin finished talking.

She sniffled and wiped her fingers over the wet skin underneath her eyes, with careful precision in order not to spread her mascara all over her cheeks.

'I mean, I'd probably need to find someone to come with me,' she said.

'Really? That's the only thing holding you back?'

Nancy nodded.

'Okay, in that case, I'm sure we can arrange something,' said Robin. 'Aren't more of your journalism friends finishing up right about now? Or maybe Max wants to spend her holiday going –'

'I was talking about you, you idiot,' Nancy cut her off, her smile widening. 'You wanna go on a roadtrip with me?'

It was a proposal that knocked Robin's breath out of her lungs.

'You wanna go see the world – with me?'

'Yes, of course,' said Nancy. She let a hand trail over Robin's arm. 'I can't think of anyone I'd rather share an adventure with.'

And how could Robin ever say no to that?

Read the rest on ao3

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist

Ch. 16: Break

After a 5 hour drive, the manager escorting Yoongi to his temporary indefinite home pulls into the driveway of a cozy looking log cabin. The property is surrounded by nothing but trees and nature giving a very private and secluded feel. There’s an additional cabin on the property that’s slightly smaller and only has one bedroom as opposed to the 3 in the main cabin. Both have a kitchen and bathroom, living area, and plenty of windows that allow for natural lighting to come from all sides.

The manager shows Yoongi around and tells him of everything he’s able to do while he’s here. The main cabin has one of the rooms turned into an office space that Yoongi can use however he pleases. There’s a waist high bookshelf filled with a variety of books, a desk, a beanbag chair, and plenty more open space. The manager tells him he’s free to setup any instruments or recording equipment in there.

The master bedroom has a king sized bed and a large bathroom attached with a rainfall shower, separate jetted tub, and dual sinks. There’s also a closet attached that reminds Yoongi he left with only the clothes on his back. Since the original plan was to take Yoongi to the cabin immediately after their meeting anyway, the manager revealed that they already prepared a few things he would need. Basic clothes, hygiene products, plenty of food, and of course medicine.

For now they have something to help Yoongi sleep if he happens to feel symptoms of withdrawal. In the morning a doctor will come by to fully assess him. The doctor will be staying in the second cabin for at least a week to make sure Yoongi gets through detox without issues. A therapist will also visit regularly for counseling sessions.

Before leaving Yoongi to himself, the manager lets him know again that he can contact any of them if he needs anything at all. He’s not allowed visitors, but his means of communication won’t be taken away and he’ll still be able to have internet. As much as they wanted to try taking anything from him that would give him too much freedom to the outside world of temptations and triggers, they also didn’t want to make him feel like a complete criminal. However, that privilege will be revoked if he abuses that freedom. He’s not able to leave, though if he chooses to end treatment before being cleared then the terms that were laid out for him in the meeting earlier will go into effect.

The manager leaves and Yoongi is left in this lovely home on this gorgeous property alone. He trudges around outside a bit taking in the scenery. It’s nighttime now so the moon and stars are clearly visible and shining bright. He isn’t sure what to do with himself now. He’d eat, but he doesn’t have much of an appetite. It’s been a long exhausting day so he decides to just wash up and go to bed.

First he sends a text to Hyeri. He wasn’t going to at first because he knows she probably doesn’t want to speak to him right now. He knows she worries though and he doesn’t want to give her any more reasons to worry, so he simply tells her he made it to the property and that he loves her.

After a long shower with many more tears, Yoongi gets in bed and simply stares at his phone. Hyeri hasn’t responded. He knows she’s upset with him, but not hearing anything from her is like a knife in the chest. He sighs and closes his eyes but sleep doesn’t come. Not for a while.

Hyeri had been going through a range of emotions since Yoongi left. As happy as she is that he went to get treatment, she’s also very sad, disappointed, and angry. She knew he would fall for her trap, but for him to do it right before he’s supposed to go to treatment just lets her know how bad it really is for him. It breaks her heart and she hasn’t stopped crying since he left.

There’s a loneliness in the home that’s much different from any other time Yoongi has been gone. It’s a loneliness that’s so loud. So she cries until she falls asleep still fully clothed and clutching Yoongi’s pillow.

The next morning Hyeri wakes up with a throbbing headache. As many times as she’s cried herself to sleep, she’s used to it by now. Before getting out of bed she checks her phone and sees the message from Yoongi from the night before. She hates that she missed it, though she isn’t sure she wants to respond at all. She’s glad he made it though. It makes her feel just a slight bit lighter. He’s getting help, it’s the start of a new beginning.

She goes into the bathroom to wash up and get rid of any red and puffiness in her face. Thankfully she has a small bit of time before she has to leave for a commercial shoot. She gets dressed, makes a quick breakfast, then stares at the kitchen wall in a trance.

She’s trying her best to focus on her upcoming shoot but all she can think of is Yoongi. She wonders if he’s awake yet. If he ate breakfast and what was it. She wants to know how he slept and if the place he’s staying is nice. Of course she could simply respond to his text but once she’s finally about to, she gets a call from her agency JJS.

Having been finished with shooting on her mini series, she had asked about any upcoming projects that she would be a fit for. Initially JJS tried to convince her to take some time off. She declined, feeling she’s already missed out on a lot this year, partially because of the situation they put her in in the first place with the fake relationship with Kihyun. Since then nothing has been about her career and she’d like for it to get back to that.

Despite their reluctance, JJS said they would let her know of any openings. So far she’s gotten two commercials and a radio ad. It’s not what she asked them for, but she took it in stride thinking nothing was available. Then she found out there are other roles available. Many of them, JJS just didn’t want to offer them to her. Yesterday she sent the agency a message with a few roles she found on her own that she’s interested in. She was met with pushback and even a mild scolding for “going behind their back” to find the roles herself. Once again she felt like she’s being treated like a child and it’s only because she refused to continue going along with their fake relationship any longer.

Now they’re calling her to tell her they found a role for her. Actually, they found two and tried to sound really enthusiastic about it. The first role is for a supporting role in a new series. The “supporting” role is just a glorified extra. One thats in one episode and gets 10 more seconds of camera time than others, and if lucky, they’ll get to ad-lib a word or two.

The second role is another supporting role, but it’s more laughable than the first role they presented. It’s a small part for a smaller production with an even smaller budget that would practically amount to her doing it for free.

Neither role are close to what Hyeri wanted and definitely not what JJS said they would find for her. Small roles aren’t a problem for her, she knows she’s not a world star actress, but it’s not what JJS agreed to find her. On top of that, it’s not like other roles aren’t out there. She’s seen for herself what was out there and can’t believe JJS would have the nerve to lie to her face about it then make her seem like the bad guy.

“Due to your previous actions it’s been a little more difficult to market you at this time,” the agency rep tells her over the phone.

“My previous actions?” Hyeri asks trying to not raise her voice.

“We wanted you to take time off so things would die down.”

“It’s been months!”

“We had a procedure laid out and you chose to do your own thing. There are consequences to actions, Hyeri.”

“I chose to tell the truth! Are you serious right now? You guys are giving me the smallest things you can find on purpose because you’re mad that I told the truth!”

“We can’t keep having this discussion about your conduct, Na Hyeri. People see you as a risk right now.”

“A risk?!”

“I understand you have a commercial shoot so I’ll let you get to it. Think about it and let me know if you would like to move forward with either of these projects.”

[Call ended]

“You fucking bitch!” Hyeri roars.

She gathers her things and storms out to her car in a fit of rage. She’s pissed, and even more pissed that she now has to try calming herself down so she doesn’t look angry in her commercial. Her patience with JJS is wearing very thin.

Yoongi’s day started with him waking up and staring at the ceiling for about an hour. At first he had forgotten where he was. Then upon remembering, he looked at his phone to see he still hadn’t heard anything from Hyeri. He laid there stuck in his head until he began hearing someone in the house.

The manager told him that the entire management team, doctors, and therapist will have access to the house at any time. It’s primarily for safety reasons, but also to make sure Yoongi isn’t able to lock himself up and hide if he were to get into anything he shouldn’t. Not that he planned to anyway with the amount of restrictions he’s under.

He rolls himself out of bed to wash himself up a bit. He takes one look at himself in the mirror and he hates what he sees. He doesn’t even want whoever is in the house to see him in this state in broad daylight, but it’s clear he doesn’t have much of a choice. Whoever it is seems to be making a bit of a ruckus. Yoongi sighs and steps out to see who it is.

A different manager from the one who brought Yoongi here is in the kitchen while another man is standing by chatting with him. Manager Park Seungji has been tasked with staying near the property to take care of anything Yoongi needs. With the place being 5 hours from Seoul, someone had to stay close by to provide a quick response.

Seungji introduces the other man as Doctor Young who will care for all of Yoongi’s health needs. He will be staying in the smaller cabin to monitor Yoongi closely for any withdrawal complications. First he wants to do a full evaluation so he takes Yoongi back to the bedroom while Seungji prepares breakfast.

Dr. Young begins with simple questions. When and what his last drink was, how much he’d drink daily and what his drink of choice is. It’s a simple evaluation but it makes Yoongi feel embarrassed. He still hates that he even allowed what used to be a simple pastime turn into this.

After speaking with the doctor and getting plenty of information on what to expect and how to deal with withdrawal symptoms, Yoongi goes back out to the kitchen as Seungji completes breakfast. Hangover soup which Yoongi doesn’t have much of an appetite for, but he appreciates it. He’s not hungover, but he knows why Seungji might assume he is. Dr. Young takes a serving and heads back to the other cabin. Yoongi takes a serving and after assuring Seungji he’s fine at the moment, Seungji leaves.

Yoongi decides to have his soup at a small table outside overlooking the scenery. It’s beautiful and makes him think of Hyeri. She loves places like this and he just knows she would be in awe at the nature surrounding them and the overall seclusion of the place for the most privacy. He pulls out his phone and snaps a few pictures. She may not have responded to his message last night, but he hopes this could put her in a slightly better mood with a view from his new home.

It’s crazy how things change. When he was on tour ignoring her she continued sending messages daily giving him a diary of her days although he wasn’t responding to her. Now he finds himself doing the same. With a few pictures he details how he didn’t sleep well, what he discussed with the doctor, and how he’s not very hungry but still happy that Seungji made breakfast. Of course he included a photo of the soup as well. He sends the message then returns to slowly eating while soaking up the sun.

Not long after he finishes his meal he’s greeted by someone else who comes to join him at the table. The man introduces himself as Minho, Yoongi’s counselor during his treatment process. He tells Yoongi a little about himself and how he plans to take Yoongi through his recovery.

Yoongi has spoken to counselors before so this isn’t something that bothers him. Minho seems like a nice person who also appears to take good care of himself physically as much as mentally based on the way his black shirt hugs his well toned body like a second skin. His voice is deep yet soothing to Yoongi, almost like asmr. It makes Yoongi feel comfortable talking with him which is important in this situation.

Yet Yoongi can’t seem to understand why he’s starting to feel uneasy. He’s trying to not panic, but his heart is racing and he’s starting to sweat and he has no idea what’s happening. Every word Minho says sends another wave of anxiety through his body.

This plan. This entire treatment plan is overwhelming. For whatever reason, it’s in this moment Yoongi feels completely afraid of this entire process. He had already been told what treatment would entail. He was fine when the manager laid out all of the rules last night. He was even fine just earlier as Dr. Young explained the many issues and side effects that come with alcohol withdrawal. But hearing how he’ll have to work through the root of why he drinks makes him want to run and hide.

Drinking was to get away from the feelings stuck inside him. When he’d drink excessively those feelings never seemed quite as unbearable. He drank when those feelings were too strong for him to ignore but too tough for him to want to face. Now he has to face them and he’s not sure he’s ready to.

It’s easy for him to say it all started with Hyeri, but this is something that goes even beyond that. A collection of hidden and ignored emotions that he felt weren’t big enough to deal with at the time are now going to be released and dissected.

Yoongi looks at Minho unable to speak. Minho can see the discomfort on Yoongi’s face and is afraid he may faint from how pale he looks.

“Are you ok?” Minho asks. Yoongi just stares at him blankly. “Yoongi?”

Hyeri made it through her commercial shoot without much issue. Considering the mental state she’s in, having to do 3 retakes isn’t so bad. She isn’t fully satisfied, but she’s still too angry from her phone call earlier to care. She just can’t believe the way JJS is treating her. She rushed through the shoot as best she could while seething in frustration the entire time.

When she got to her car she took a look at her phone and saw the photos Yoongi sent. She wasn’t expecting to hear from him, especially since she hadn’t responded to his message from the night before. However his message made her briefly forget what she was upset about.

She’s happy to see the place looks very relaxing for him. She almost wants to stay there herself. She’s happy he saw the doctor, and even happier that he had breakfast. It’s the first real bit of happiness she’s felt all day. This time she responds to him. Not right away though.

When she started to text him back she also wanted to tell him about her day. She always does. However, she knows he’s at the very beginning of his recovery and causing him any worry or stress could make things much harder for him than they already are. Telling him about her company that he already hates and wants her to leave treating her unfairly would cause him worry and stress. She knows he’d be mad at JJS and worried about her. She doesn’t want him to feel like he needs to come save her or take care of her. She only wants him to focus on recovery.

She thought about it all through her drive home and once she got there she finally texted him back. She told him the place looks beautiful, she’s proud of him, and that she loves him. She tells him her commercial shoot went well and let him know her schedule for tomorrow and left it at that. Nothing about JJS, or how she’s afraid her career may be over because of them, or how she cried most of the way home. She kept it simple.

Yoongi feels like he lost consciousness, but he didn’t. Minho noticed what was happening and was able to ease Yoongi’s mind a bit. He explained to Yoongi that while it’s understandable for anyone to feel a little overwhelmed when starting a new treatment process, he’s also experiencing symptoms of withdrawal. Yoongi had already been told by the doctor what the symptoms were but he didn’t feel like he was experiencing any of them. He thought maybe he was just overwhelmed with everything Minho was saying, but perhaps not.

Minho takes his time to tell Yoongi the mental effects of withdrawal. The things he won’t feel physically, but they’ll wear him down mentally. Yoongi understands, but he still wonders. He had stopped drinking before and he didn’t deal with any side effects. To him he was perfectly fine that entire time.

Minho stayed with him for about an hour and a half to make sure he was ok. He helped Yoongi feel a bit better and was able to get him inside to the couch. After Minho left, Yoongi stayed in the same spot wondering what he’s truly gotten himself into.

[m34gs]

Saw AU ask time! I know for our fics all the Twisted Wonderland housewardens are Jigsaw apprentices, but if they weren't...

Which dorms would remain Jigsaw apprentices and which would be part of the law enforcement? Why?

This is such a fun concept! I love it. Also, asking me to make an AU of our AU? AU-ception? Mwahahahahaha. So basically, I treated this as "everything is the same except they have a bit more trust/faith in the ability of the law".

Took me a while to think on my answers, but here is what I think:

Heartslaybul:

Law enforcement. And yes, it's because of Riddle's obsession with following rules. See, to me, there's two ways it can go for Riddle: he "learns his lesson" from the trap and agrees with it (which will happen in our current au, though I won't go into details so I don't spoil my plans for his trap flash-backs), OR he survives and is filled with so much seething rage that he dedicates his life to finding and destroying Jigsaw and all the apprentices. Which he decides he should do by pursuing a career in law because he wants to make sure the entirety of the punishment rests on them and he suffers no further repercussions. Ace and Deuce would probably follow him loyally, and Cater would make an interesting private detective in my mind. I do think if Riddle chose the side of the law rather than the side of murder, Trey might have actually joined him and the others, instead of just being distanced from the murders and turning a blind eye.

Savanaclaw:

Law enforcement. As it stands right now, in the Savanaclaw murder fic I kind of revealed part of Leona's motive for joining Jigsaw was to protect Ruggie (because in their trap, I made Ruggie suffer the most...sorry, but if Ruggie didn't want that then I guess he shouldn't have become my favourite Savanaclaw member...). I think if there was a guarantee of Ruggie's safety without compromising his freedom, Leona would grab it and I could see him turning to law enforcement as the way to secure this. Jack is easily convinced to follow the law. Ruggie may be ok with underhanded means, but he wouldn't directly oppose Leona in this matter, and I think considering he was in the trap he would be easy to persuade to join the side of the law.

Octavinelle:

Murder. Let's be real. These three? Honestly if John didn't get to them first they probably would have started murdering on their own at some point. (Jade would have for sure.) Let's just be glad they're being directed in a way so as to try and use their scary mafia-like problem-solving for the "greater good". Sort of.

Scarabia:

Law enforcement. Kalim doesn't like the murders even in our actual au. If we gave him more of an option, he would turn to law enforcement. Jamil would be the one more likely to turn to the murder. However, he can't so boldly oppose Kalim and there's no way he'd be able to keep it a secret without going crazy, and considering what's happened in the past he will not be risking overblotting again. Though, if we wanna entertain that for a moment: Jamil is the only one I could think of who might think about committing murder when his housewarden is on the side of the law. I doubt he would actually join Jigsaw without Kalim, though.

Pomefiore:

Law enforcement. Vil may have it in him to try and murder (at least, in regard to Neige), but he also has An Image. One that he has worked damn hard to build up. He also is in possession of a conscience and a rather strict moral code (see book 6 where he scolds Rook for abandoning his duties before he tells him that personally he is still glad he came for him). I think that if he had the choice between murder and law enforcement, he'd try his best to work within the law. (not that we gave him that choice...) Rook isn't going to go against his beloved Vil in such a brazen way, and I don't think murder would actually be Epel's first choice either.

Ignihyde:

Murder. Idia may try his best to fit in for the people he cares about, but for average joe's on the street who behave nasty toward others? Why would he give a fuck if they died? Plus, while he's got self-esteem issues, he also has a massive fucking ego when it comes to tech and games. He's not gonna give up the chance to experience the thrill and power trip from having someone trapped in a device of his own design. Also, he really strikes me as the type to be like "well, it was done to me so I'll pass it on because I'm still bitter and pissed over having experienced this misfortune" (I still adore him though). Ortho wouldn't dream of trying to stop him. Oh, and I think Idia is arrogant enough that he would think it's impossible for anyone to actually catch him.

Diasomnia:

Murder. We already established why Malleus's motive is really different from everyone else's. He's not gonna turn to the law because the law hasn't been able to stop Jigsaw yet, and also Jigsaw is literally dealing with people the law either isn't effective in managing or can't catch. Malleus wants both to make this world safer for Yuu and to understand John's logic and methods. He's got curiousity for days. And that's not gonna be satisfied from working within the law. After all, I firmly believe that at some point Lilia would have told him that "experience is the best teacher". Of course the rest of the Diasomnia boys will follow his lead.

Hope you enjoyed this answer! Let me know what you think of the assignments! 💜💜💜💜

[berryscaryskies]

"You’ve always been a bit of a daydreamer, and oft forgotten as the middle child of such a big family. You’ve never been quite sure what to do with your life so you decide to put off deciding by going into massive debt and furthering your schooling! And then furthering it some more, and well now what? Guess you’ll spend the rest of your days working a nine to seven to pay off all that schooling."

-Sundae's always had her head in the clouds a bit, she loves music and picture books, and generally being creative. She was also hecking smart though, she graduated high school a whole year ahead of schedule and unsure what else to do with her life she decided to get a head start on college.

-At the time her older sister Juno had also being living on her own for college so after a lot of pleading and a bunch of agreed upon rules, Sundae was allowed to move in with her sister so she could go to college too. At first Sundae really loved this, she liked the freedom of being away from home and away from most her siblings, even Juno left her to her own devices most the time.

-Her only really friend she had during this was her old middle school pal Maia. The two have been close-knit forever, and since Maia was a grade ahead of her anyways it left the two open to spend more one on one time together. Such as karako-ing or exploring the library.

-Despite her love of varying arts, Art College didn't really work out, it was a lot more competitive and mentally draining then it had any right to be. Upon graduating and realizing she absolutely did not want to waste her passions on turning them into careers she turned right back around and picked a more applicable degree program. She went for Business.

-Maia supported her through all of her second round of schooling, to the point where she was practically living at Sundae's place (once she had her own place instead of rooming with Juno). With the amount of time the spent together and Sundae now trying to get out there and start dating it didn't take long for the two to stumble into a little bit more than just being friends.

-Sundae actually has really bad taste in men, every man she's ever had a crush on was wildly uninterested in her, kinda shitty, or just flat out unattractive. She turned to Maia for some comfort, and after a night together goofing off and playing video games and accidentally making out, the two came out of it with a new understanding of one another. Sundae slowly pieced together that she's actually a lesbian(based off an in-game glitch where after an update the sims changed her setting so she was no longer into men anymore lol)

-During this time Sundae also got really into crafting her own jewelry and gifting it to people she cared about, so maybe gifting a ring to Maia after like one official date was a bad decision. Even though it majorly freaked Maia out thinking the relationship was moving way too fast the two worked it out.

-The two STILL aren't married actually, despite their partnership being very stable life just keeps getting in the way of having a wedding. They might just elope actually.

-The two also had a science baby and wound up with twins, woops! Which is stressful because Sundae's job keeps her busy, so a lot of the infant care gets left to Maia during the day.

[orangepanic]

On OC best friends...

I realized that over the years I've created original character best friends for both Asami Sato and General Iroh. They don't appear often - OCs as big parts of fics aren't usually popular - but when they do they have consistent characterization and I fully believe that they exist in that world. And I was thinking about them today, as one does about OCs, and realized who I decided would be my blorbos' best friends says a lot about how I see their characterization.

Asami Sato's Best Friend: Tachi Hamada

Tachi Hamada, the son of the Fire Nation ambassador in the United Republic and reluctant Fire Nation spy, is the perfect friend for a character like Asami because like her he straddles multiple worlds. A third culture kid who mostly grew up in the Northern Water Tribe during his father's previous assignment, he belongs everywhere and nowhere and uses his fun-loving nature and fierce intelligence to milk Republic City's elite social scene of politically useful tidbits. Yet he himself cares little for politics and even less for the Fire Nation. Instead Tachi trades his tips and secrets for his father looking the other way when he refuses to marry and sleeps with men and pretends to have a career at the Embassy while mostly spending his fortune on lavish parties. In short, he's buying his own freedom.

The first thing that struck me about this is that Asami's best friend is a dude. But I tried writing her with female OCs and they all wound up shallow and catty. In Tachi Asami finds a fellow high-EQ nerd (they met in math club at school) who loves fashion and food and culture. Similar background. Same schools. They have complicated feelings about their fathers and always feel a touch out of place as only-children with trust funds who face hardships few can relate to while forging their own paths. Asami's upbringing is so different from the rest of the Krew. Also, Tachi is fun. Because Asami is fun, and I wanted her to have a fun friend who can make her laugh and take her out when she's down but who isn't a vapid waste of space.

General Iroh's Best Friend: Commander Hartok

Now for something completely different. Commander Hartok is the no-nonsense legal counsel of the United Forces. Water Tribe and a decade older than Iroh, he's had different positions over time, starting as Iroh's young Legal Ethics teacher at the United Forces Academy all the way up to succeeding as UF JAG. Blocky, burly, and good-humored, Hartok seems to spend most of his time telling Iroh "no, that's illegal" and "get your head out of your ass" and "your odds will improve if you at least talk to a woman" - occasionally in the same sentence - while playing Pai Sho or dragging him to social events Iroh would otherwise skip. He's bright, successful, ambitious, but is entirely self-motivated in these things, and can sometimes use that perspective to help Iroh sort through what he actually wants versus what he thinks the world expects from him.

To me, General Iroh always seems a bit lost. He's far from home, thrust into a position of significant power at a young age, and faced with threats none of his predecessors had to face. He has few peers. Commander Hartok - older, rational, kind, funny, a philosopher, happily married, and unfailingly honest - is both best friend and brother, someone he can come to with problems that would scare the shit out of others or at least violate security clearance. It also helps that he's within the United Forces, and while not in a combat position understands the life and compromises that come with that kind of service.

Anyway I should write these guys more.

[harvey-guillen]

a lot of the stuff around ts right now is putting a bad taste in my mouth but i think it comes down to this:

we as a society seem to have decided that people who make music have to be not just be artists but also impeccable marketing strategists and businesspeople, moral arbiters, allies and activists, the voice of the people, political grassroots organizers, etc. and i think tay does want to meet other people's expectations but this is an unwinnable ask. because one person is not all things to all people, and while there is an intersection of art and culture and history inherently, our connected world through press and digital communications has kind of distilled all of these roles into one job title: global superstar-cum-savior. and that's both unfair to put on someone and also a fatal error for her to try to meet the demands of these roles. idk. does that make sense? i'm annoyed by people who overinflate the purity of her capitalism as a feminist outcome rather than what it is, pink capitalism. i've been steadily disappointed by her choices to work with abusers, contribute to a climate crisis already at a breaking point, affiliation with the intellectual property of racists, merchandising that I find to be WHOLLY excessive and sometimes embarrassingly pointless, sending C&D to independent artists on Etsy who make tributes to her work [technically she totally has a right to protect it, but these are usually people working out of a home studio, if that] and the matt healy thing - there just wasn't a way to undo that for me. but is it really on me for expecting her to meet MY standards for ethical conduct? yeah, it is.

we all know too much about each other now. we have become narcissistic enough to need to see an idealized version of ourselves in our idols. taylor is a bit different because she has basic control over her image but think of the studio system in the 20s - we were never buying Norma Jeane Mortenson or Archie Leach - we bought Marilyn Monroe and Cary Grant. We bought Rock Hudson as the straight hunk of the age, we bought Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly as "pure" and unattainable ingenues when both had passionate affairs just like their male contemporaries [stating this without judgment as I love the work of both actresses and Audrey's personal work for UNICEF]. Entertainment is image and image is entertainment. So buying into Taylor's activism when it was never the point of her image or career, but something she briefly tried on for her brand, is just a confluence of all of these factors and expectations, I think. And these observations are confirmed, I think, by the fact that there is tension over why Taylor is POTY instead of Palestinian freedom activists - because we insist that ONE person fit all roles - cultural influencer AND wartime hero. No one will be both. Maybe the only fair way to handle that is do POTY issues in different categories, IDK.

So while I'm increasingly annoyed with the forced bifurcation of pro- and anti- ts stuff I need to step back and realize that the whole thing is a mess from every angle and it's been and probably will continue to be harmful to her in the future, as well. A lot of actors do their work and in private have their charity focuses like animal rights, refugee aid, etc. Everything with tay is SO heightened and overexposed and public and that burden and privilege has become a monster I don't think even she has control of at this point. and all of this is hilariously contrasted with how personal and private her lyrics often feel, like things you would tell a close confidante.

[mental-health-advice]

Hey there… i really don’t knwo who to ask advice at this point so i hope you could give me one…

I’m in my senior high soon to be college, my mom is just really strict.

I’m not allowed to watch anime, read webtoon, read wattpad, have social media like insta, tik tok and twitter basically any social media you can think of. I’m also not allowed to go out with friends without my family tailing me behind. My own phone I controlled. I’m not even allowed to play youtube sometimes.

So as you might probably already realize i do stuff secretly without mom. But i am always in anxiety 24/7 and overthinking stuff. I get scared easily. I feel like everyone is watching me.

Friends online told me to argue with mom about the situation but I’m scared mom would take everything away from me. I’m not allowed to have opinions. I can’t even decide what outfit i want to buy because mom would choose for me. Mom doesn’t think the career I want is good and force me to all these courses. People say I’m ungrateful for the love and care. I am just confused at this point

Is there any advice you could give me

Hey there,

It must be really hard and frustrating to have little to no control over what you are able to do/ what you do want to do in your daily life. Sometimes, unfortunately, some parents can be really strict and although you can always go behind your Mum’s back and do more of what you would like to do, it sounds like this constantly puts you on edge and makes you feel really anxious in fear your Mum may find out.

You mentioned that you’re not allowed to have opinions in life or have an ability to choose what it is in life you really want to do, so I am thinking that instead of ‘arguing’ with your Mum over this stuff, would it be worth trying to have a conversation with her about it instead? This may be more helpful as often when we argue with another the other person can get quite defensive or make you feel worse/ it make the situation worse, but if you spoke to her about it and allow her to have a conversation about it then it may get you further. So how may you possibly bring this up?

Well, you could, when you Mum is in a good or reasonable mood ask for her to sit down and ask if you could talk to her about something. Ask her why she feels it’s not OK for you to do such things as you described in your Ask and if you two could make a compromise at all, something to allow you to feel a bit freer in life and do the things you would like to do within reason. This may not enable you to have the same freedoms as your friends may have, but it may help your Mum to see that by wrapping you in cotton wool or not allowing you to do things most people your age are able to do, then it won’t give you the life experience that will help you to live when you get older and no longer have the protection from your Mum (when she is no longer able to stop you from doing certain things/ doesn’t have that control over you.) Is this something that you may feel able to do?

It may also be important to note that perhaps your Mum may feel like if she lets you to do things in life that you would like to do, then your grades at school may suffer. So in saying this, could you add to the compromise with your Mum that if your grades stay the same or slightly improve then the more freedom you should be able to have? Just another thing to perhaps to have a think about in trying to see things from her point of view/ knowing why she is possibly so strict with you.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[literaticat]

Hi Jenn,

I’ve been writing and illustrating published books for couple of decades, and while I’ve been happy with how my career is progressing (bigger publishers now, more frequent contracts, royalties!), I’ve never been able to make a living wage as an author-illustrator. Some part of me wants to believe I still have it in me to be financially successful as a writer-artist but it’s hard after so long. So I’ve been interviewing for a full-time art teacher job which would pay somewhat well (better than the $20K I made last year!) and provide benefits. I’m afraid, though, that I won’t have time to make books anymore, or to really focus on my craft like I do now. Do any of your clients have full-time non-writing jobs and are still able to make books? I know this is such a case-by-case scenario but maybe you could shed some light on this subject. Some part of me is like “just hold out a little longer and you’ll make it over the hump! Keep throwing yourself into your book work and focus like a laser!” and another part of me says “you’re 45 years old with no savings!”

I hesitate to ever give, like, actual financial advice to strangers on here. Everyone's situation is different! So take this as more general thoughts, and if any of it resonates with you, great, and if not, ignore me. :-)

To address some of the not-actual-questions: Listen, a steady paycheck and benefits is nothing to sneeze at. I don't know about you, but we are of a similar age, and I went from having Nothing Wrong with me to having Everything Wrong with me, health-wise, VERY suddenly. If I didn't have insurance, I'd be screwed. I don't have benefits at my job and luckily I can afford the $900+ a month it costs me to stay alive with private insurance, but if I was still on a bookseller's salary or something, I honestly don't know what I would do. So... if you are American and a good insurance plan is not something you currently have, that is an important thing to think about, IMO, as you (gracefully!) age.

Can you re-frame the problem into something positive? Instead of thinking of this as "a day job will stall my creative ambitions" -- perhaps a day job will actually PROP UP your creative ambitions?

Thought experiment: You take this job, and you like it. It's a challenge, but it also feels good to know you are having a positive impact, and perhaps your students even give you a boost of creativity. You do absolutely still work on your books, but now it's a couple hours in the morning or at night on weekdays, and one weekend day. You KNOW you have a paycheck coming and you don't have to rely on sporadic book income to get by, and you know that god forbid should you need it, you have decent insurance. Perhaps you are even able to get by entirely or mostly on job-money and put all or most of your book-money after taxes into savings to start building a nest-egg.

How does that make you feel? Does thinking about that bit of financial freedom and the idea of actually saving for the future relieve some stress? If you are less stressed and don't have to worry about hustling quite so hard at the book stuff -- might you actually feel able to take more risks with your artistic work and try things that you might have never felt you were in a position to experiment with before? If you KNOW you have limited time to work on your book stuff, are you the type of person who could buckle down and do it and make it work, or no? Does the idea of having having more of a strict schedule make you feel safe, or panicky?

I don't know the answers to these questions, obviously, but I do think they are worth considering. And of course: Nothing has to be forever. If you get the job and decide to try it and realize a semester in that it's not for you... for whatever reason! -- you can always stop!

To answer your actual question: I do rep illustrators who also teach or have other kinds of demanding full or part-time jobs and/or tiny children at home, or who work freelance doing things like animation jobs or magazine work or merchandise or other illustration-adjacent things that aren't strictly books. (Authors, too, of course!) Some of these folks are still quite prolific, and some not so much -- I have to think this is just up to their individual priorities and time management skills. Nobody is "like Kate Messner" of course, but for what it's worth, Kate did teach middle school full time and have school-age kids of her own when she signed with me, and still managed to write and publish and promote dozens of books before she quit teaching! So, yes, absolutely, it physically CAN be done, it just might mean a shift in your schedule and mindset. And that might or might not be right for YOU.

(My most recent podcast episode is with the lovely illustrator Cindy Derby, who has an infant -- we talk about how her time-management landscape has changed! And I have spoken to Kate on the pod before too. Maybe it would be helpful to give those eps a listen if you haven't?)

GOOD LUCK!

[princess-viola]

I wanna infodump about Sukeban Deka, specifically I wanna (ultimately) talk about a random bit of Sukeban Deka trivia I found out a few days ago that I find interesting.

OK so first: what is Sukeban Deka? Sukeban Deka is a franchise originally created by mangaka Shinji Wada. It's about a 17 year old incarcerated sukeban (female juvenile delinquent) named Saki Asamiya who basically gets blackmailed by the government and promised her freedom if she works as an undercover cop for them in order to infiltrate high schools and deal with youth and is given a yo-yo, which she uses as a weapon and also contains her badge identifying her as a member of the police.

The franchise began as a manga that was originally serialized in the shoujo magazine Hana to Yume from 1975 until 1982. The series originally concluded in January 1978 but, after the disappointing reception to Wada's new manga Pygmalio, Sukeban Deka resumed serialization in February 1979, which Wada regarded as 'Part 2' and was promoted as a new series in Hana to Yume, where it continued to run until coming to its final conclusion in 1982.

A few years after the conclusion of the manga, Toei and Fuji TV adapted Sukeban Deka into a live-action drama series starring idol singer Yuki Saito as Saki Asamiya. The series ran for 24 episodes from April to October 1985 and, because of its popularity, a second season of Sukeban Deka was commisioned.

The second season of Sukeban Deka, officially titled Sukeban Deka II: Shoujo Tekkamen Densetsu (Legend of the Iron Mask Girl), can be regarded as an entirely separate series from the first season, as Saito decided against returning to the role in order to focus on her singing career. Instead, Toei cast idol singer Yoko Minamino and, instead of pretending that Minamino (who obviously looks nothing like Saito) was the same character, turned the name of 'Saki Asamiya' from the characters actual name into a codename, with Minamino's character actually being named Yoko Godai and taking the codename of Saki Asamiya and becoming Sukeban Deka II.

Sukeban Deka II was much more popular than the first season and ran for 42 episodes from November 1985 to October 1986.

After Sukeban Deka II, Toei planned on airing a spin-off series entitled 'Sukeban Ninpucho', which would have focused around ninjas and have taken inspiration from the ninja movies of Sho Kosugi, Wada's own manga Ninja Flight, and Star Wars, with a proper Sukeban Deka III series airing after the conclusion of this spin-off.

However, for one reason or another, this didn't happen and Toei instead combined Sukeban Ninpucho and Sukeban Deka III into a single TV series: Sukeban Deka III: Shoujo Ninpojo Densetsu (Legend of the Girl Ninja Scroll). Just like with Sukeban Deka II, Sukeban Deka III featured a new actress as the main character: idol singer Yui Asaka as Yui Kazama (unlike Yoko Godai, Yui Kazama more often than not was referred to by her real name, rather than the Saki Asamiya name). The series also starred idol singers Yuka Onishi and Yuma Nakamura as Yui's sisters, Yuka and Yuma. Considering the origins of Sukeban Deka III, it ultimately had a much more fantasy bent compared to the urban crime themes of the previous two seasons and, because of these changes, while the series did run for its full-run of 42 episodes from October 1986 to October 1987, it ultimately didn't do too well in terms of audience reception (although the 9th episode of the series was the 8th highest rated episode of any Fuji TV drama series broadcast during the 1980s, with a rating of 21.3%). Original creator Shinji Wada was also critical of Sukeban Deka III, stating that they didn't understand why Sukeban Deka was the way that it was and that if they wanted to do a superhero program, they should have done it elsewhere. (It should also be noted that Wada was disappointed in the first series as well, as he thought it was too different from his vision, but he loved Sukeban Deka II and joked that he would've become a fan of it if it had aired when he was a student).

Meanwhile, during the broadcast of Sukeban Deka III, a movie version of the series was released in theatres in February 1987, simply entitled Sukeban Deka. While this film was released during the airing of the third series, it more serves as a sequel to Sukeban Deka II (as its set after the end of that series), although Yui Kazama also appears in the series.

A movie sequel to Sukeban Deka III was released in February 1988, entitled Sukeban Deka: Kazama San Shimai no Gyakushuu (Counterattack of the Kazama Sisters). In contrast to the TV series, Counterattack of the Kazama Sisters abandoned the fantasy elements and returned the series to the realistic drama and action that made it popular (well, as realistic as a series about a teenage detective who fights with a yo-yo can be).

I feel I also need to briefly mention Shoujo Commando Izumi here as well. Shoujo Commando Izumi is the series that replaced Sukeban Deka III in its timeslot and was originally planned as Sukeban Deka IV but was ultimately retooled into its own thing due to the negative reception to Sukeban Deka III. Unfortunately, Shoujo Commando Izumi was ultimately cancelled due to low ratings and only aired for 15 episodes from November 1987 until February 1988. (Shoujo Commando Izumi ultimately had an average audience rating of 7.12%, compared to a 13.98% average for Sukeban Deka III, 14.3% for Sukeban Deka II, and 13.04% for Sukeban Deka). (I can also, much more briefly, mention Hana no Asuka-gumi [The Glorious Asuka Gang], another sukeban series based on a manga that was produced by Toei and Fuji TV and aired for 23 episodes from April to September 1988. I only briefly mention this one as it was Toei and Fuji TV returning to the sukeban genre, but the series itself isn't at-all related to Sukeban Deka, beyond the genre, like Shoujo Commando Izumi was)

While there may be some debate over this, I personally consider the Sukeban Deka TV series and movies (as well as Shoujo Commando Izumi) to fall under the 'tokusatsu' label and I mean, there's also this:

A book about tokusatsu heroes of the 1980s that features the second Saki Asamiya on the very front cover and covers the series within the book:

(Photo shamelessly stolen from this Mercari listing)

So I think it's fair to call it tokusatsu and I will continue to do so.

Anyways, since the conclusion of Sukeban Deka III in November 1987 and the release of Counterattack of the Kazama Sisters in February 1988, the series has had several releases and revivals, although it's nowhere near the level of popularity it was back in the 1980s.

In 1991, a two episode Sukeban Deka OVA was released that adapted the original story arc of the manga, with character designs based on Wada's original manga designs.

Wada also published two one-shot Sukeban Deka chapters set in a parallel universe in the shoujo magazine Melody in 1997 and 1998, two more chapters were published in 2003 in the seinen magazine Monthly Comic Flapper and all four chapters would be published as a tankobon and given the title Sukeban Deka If.

In 2006, Sukeban Deka would return to the big screen with the release of the film Sukeban Deka: Codename = Saki Asamiya, starring Aya Matsuura as K AKA the new Sukeban Deka. The movie also features Hiroyuki Nagato reprising his role as the Dark Director from the 1980s series and Yuki Saito as Saki's mother.

In 2021, ten years after Shinji Wada passed away due to ischaemic heart disease at the age of 61, three new Sukeban Deka series began serialization in the shoujo magazine Monthly Princess: - The Sukeban Deka Who Leapt Through Time - As far as I can tell, this series is about a girl in the modern day who ends up finding a mysterious yo-yo and ends up travelling back in time and having to work with the original Saki. This series began serialization in the February 2021 issue and is written and illustrated by Saori Muronaga - Re: Sukeban Deka - A straight remake of the original Sukeban Deka series with new art. This series began serialization in the March 2021 issue and is written and illustrated by Ashibi Fukui. - Sukeban Deka Pretend: A magical girl/henshin hero based take on the Sukeban Deka concept (and something I am 100% here for) This series began illustration in the September 2021 issue and is written by Sai Ihara and illustrated by Shingi Hosokawa.

If you want to read or watch any Sukeban Deka media, well you are somewhat in luck as several things from this series have been both officially and unofficially translated into English.

As far as official English Sukeban Deka releases go, the two 1980s movies were released by Media Blasters under their Tokyo Shock label in the mid-2000s, ADV released the 1991 OVA on video in 1996 (and later released it on DVD in 2003), and the 2006 film was released on DVD by Magnolia Pictures in 2007 under the title Yo-Yo Girl Cop (which should be noted is the official English name for the 2006 movie. You can easily find copies of all of these on eBay and other online sites (there's also rips of the 80s movies and 90s OVA on Nyaa, but no rip of the 2006 film - so you have to buy a copy of that if you want to see it [unless there's some other site that has a rip or upload of it, I haven't checked admittedly])

As far as unofficial English releases go: the first season of Sukeban Deka has two fansubbed releases: one by Skeweds Translations that is hardsubbed and was released in 2015 and an older softsub release translated by taroroot on D-Addicts in 2009 (unfortunately, I will admit to not having seen the TV series yet, so I can't say which version is better), Sukeban Deka II has been fansubbed by The Skaro Hunting Society, the original Sukeban Deka manga is (currently) being scanlated by HappyScans, with the most recent release being Chapters 23, 24, and 25 back in November. In addition, the two Sukeban Deka video games have also been translated into English.

As of right now, Sukeban Deka III has not been translated into English nor have any of the later spin-off manga been translated.

Now, to finally get to talking about the random bit of Sukeban Deka trivia I learned about recently: let's talk merchandise. During the time of the three Sukeban Deka TV series, the franchise was merchandised. It wasn't as heavily merchandised as other tokusatsu series were, but it still existed.

There were keshigomu figures (I've seen some things online refer to them as SD Sukeban Deka, but I can't find any actual products that label them with that name, so I assume it's just a fan nickname), a Sukeban Deka game (aptly called Sukeban Deka Game) that utilized these figures, a figure of Yoko Godai/Saki Asamiya II was released as part of the Lovely Gals Collection (a line of 1/6 scale figures that also included figures of Kei and Yuri from Dirty Pair and Yu Morisawa/Creamy Mami from Creamy Mami), and figures of Yui, Yuma, and Yuka Kazama from Sukeban Deka III were released part of the Pretty Idol Collection line (another line of 1/6 scale figures that, as far as I can tell from my research [googling the name of the line in Japanese], only consisted of these three figures). There also existed various model and garage kits (the garage kits, as well as the Pretty Idol Collection figures, were all released under Bandai's B-Club line, which was also the name of Bandai's model magazine).

In addition to these physical goods (as well as things like photo cards and albums considering these shows all starred idol singers in the main roles), there was also a Sukeban Deka II video game for the Sega Mark III and a Sukeban Deka III video game for the Famicom.

But there was one piece of merchandise that they didn't make, and it was the merchandise that anyone who even has a vague knowledge of Sukeban Deka would expect that they'd have made because it's the most obvious and would probably be the most popular merch too: they never made merchandise off of Saki's yo-yo.

That's right, despite it being the most iconic element of the entire franchise, there were no Sukeban Deka yo-yo toys released during the 1980s.

Why is that? The answer is simple: Shinji Wada thought that it would be too dangerous because kids would likely try and copy the moves they saw Saki doing with the yo-yo on the TV series and might hurt themselves.

Now, that's not to say there were no officially licensed Sukeban Deka yo-yos at the time, but the two licensed yo-yos were both model kits one by General Products and the other by Bandai.

But if you wanted a full-size Sukeban Deka yo-yo back in the 80s? Well, other companies obviously knew about the series' popularity and wanted to capitalize on the trend, so bootlegs galore:

(I just shamelessly stole these pics off various Japanese auction site listings and there's obviously tons more bootleg Sukeban Deka yo-yos from the 1980s than just these four)

Eventually, after years of fans clamoring for an official Sukeban Deka yo-yo (even with the end of the TV dramas and the sukeban genre boom), Bandai finally gave fans what they'd been asking for for years.

In 2006, with Shinji Wada's approval, Bandai released two official Sukeban Deka yo-yos, in time for the release of the Codename = Saki Asamiya film.

The first yo-yo, released in October 2006, was this one:

Sukeban Deka Codename = Saki Asamiya 1/1 Yo-Yo, which was obviously modeled after the yo-yo used in the 2006 movie.

The second yo-yo, released in November 2006, was this one:

Sukeban Deka 80's Yo-Yo + Iron Mask Deluxe Set, which included two yo-yos (a metal yo-yo meant as a display piece [the yo-yo in the series is made of metal] and a plastic yo-yo that can be used as an actual yo-yo) and a 1/6 size replica of the iron mask worn by Yoko Godai in Sukeban Deka II.

Unfortunately, if you want to buy these on the aftermarket, well you're in luck if you want the 2006 yo-yo! I've seen that sell online for anywhere from the equivalent of $20-30 (for the record, it retailed for ¥2090).

But if you want the 80s yo-yo set? Yeah that set easily goes for $150+ dollars nowadays (and on US eBay, people want $300 for it) (for context, it retailed for ¥5500).

And so that's it, that's the random Sukeban Deka fact that I learned recently that I found interesting: they didn't release a full-size Sukeban Deka yo-yo, despite it being the most iconic element of the series, during the 1980s when the franchise was at its most popular because original creator didn't want kids to get hurt, but they then finally released one over 20 years later in 2006 because of the new live-action movie.

(Maybe in the future if they ever do something with the Sukeban Deka franchise beyond those spin-off manga, Bandai [or some other company] will release new Sukeban Deka yo-yos)

[ivycorp]

Sweet and tenative Juncee

As much as he wanted to, Jack still needed to go to school when fall came around. After having the summer freedom to hang around the Autobot base, it felt stifling to go inside and be again just a part of the teenage crowd. 

The gossip was subpar at best.

Still, at least he could look forward to the early mornings and afternoons, as Arcee was kind enough to drive him to and from school, as they later would go and spend their time on actually interesting things.

As he was being driven there, he sighed a bit, prompting an inquisitive humm from the femme, barely perceptible in the morning traffic.

"It's nothing, Arcee," he said reassuringly, as they pulled into the school's parking lot. "My mom had to work the night shift and will have to do it again tonight, so I won't be able to see her," he added, disembarking in the most secluded area, waving a small goodbye in her direction, a hologram appearing to take his place. 

With a nod of the helm, Arcee chirped her own farewell and pulled away into the road.

Jack never noticed that the turn she took had not been the one to lead back to the base, but towards his house.

*****

June liked her job, she really did, but after a shift like the last one she wondered if she was getting too old for it. As she pulled into the driveway, garage opening up, she was not surprised to see it empty - the shift ran late and she missed the window of opportunity to see her son before he had to go to school.

The boy was growing up so fast…

As she was ready to go inside and collapse on the couch, microwaving the leftovers in the fridge, she was startled by a quiet noise behind her. She turned around, worried she was going to get into some sort of Cybertronian trouble, but her face instead split into a warm smile.

Arcee has arrived.

Doors of the garage closed behind her, cutting them off from possible onlookers. June wondered for a moment if any of the more curious neighbors noticed a stranger riding into her garage and assumed she was dating someone (finally). 

Looking at the femme in front of her, trying to fit into the limited space by folding herself in an awkward kneeling position, faint blush on the faceplates, the nurse could feel her own very human heart pick up.

She couldn't bring herself to dismiss the notion entirely if she was being honest with herself.

"What a pleasure to see you again, Arcee," said June after a short silence that fell between them in the faintly illuminated and now fairly crowded space. The blue bot offered a smile in return, purring softly, frame relaxing by a fraction.

June decided there and then that she needs to hear this sound more often.

The nurse, despite her own gnawing exhaustion and hunger, braced herself on the wall - she wanted to get as much out of this rare opportunity as she could. She shivered a bit from the cold, which did not go unnoticed.

"You should get inside, you will catch a cold," Arcee said, obviously torn by concern and disappointment of seeing the woman go. 

"I face way worse every day - a cold is the least of my problems, sweetheart," June replied automatically, having had to deal with Jack's concerns like those her entire nursing career; the pet name that left her mouth was a habit, but seeing the way the femme's frame flared out slightly, blush deepening, she knew it would become a new normal for them.

"Still, I would rather not see you suffer from me keeping you out here," Arcee choked out in a higher pitch than her usual voice, as she tried to regain some poise and failed miserably.

She wanted to touch that beautiful blush - she wondered if it would be warm under her fingers.

"Would it ease your worries if I went back and fetched myself a blanket and some tea, so we could talk without you getting worked up, baby?" June could not stop with the endearments, now that she saw they were welcome. It earned her another flare of the plating and a fervent nod, as she walked inside to get the kettle going, grabbing the thick blanket from where it had been abandoned on the sofa.

As the water finally boiled and the tea began to steep, she walked back to the garage cocooned tightly against the chill. Arcee smiled as she appeared again, the nurse sitting on one of the abandoned boxes, cup warming her hands.

"Much better," the blue femme muttered, as she shifted slightly closer to where the woman was sitting, digits folded in her lap; June could see the nervous abandoned movements, as if Arcee was battling with herself if she should reach out or not.

That would not do.

June shifted her hold, as she extended her now empty hand towards the femme invitingly.

"Come on, sweetie, I don't bite… much," she chuckled; she marveled at the startled look in the blue optics, as it melted into affection, a tentative servo extended to hold her much smaller hand.

It was a little… odd, but June didn't mind it - she accepted strangeness as part of the deal a while ago.

"I do appreciate you coming here to see me, Arcee, but if you keep on holding me like that, I might get used to it," she laughed, tone teasing; when she noticed the femme was turned pensive, she shuffled a bit closer, so that her blanketed leg would brush against the other's plating lightly.

After a moment of silence, Arcee spoke up:

"What if I want you to get used to it? To get used to me?" The question rang out in the cold air of the garage, as June had to blink a few times to break herself out of the reverie. 

"Sweetheart, do you mean it?" The woman whispered, as she tightened the hold she had on the slim servo, thumb rubbing soothing circles on the firm metal.

"Yes, I do," Arcee replied, but the nurse would not let it go so easily. She had to make sure the femme knew what she was going into; the loss of Cliffjumper has scarred her badly, and human life was considerably more fragile.

"Arcee, I will nor be here for a long time; we live so short that compared to you we are a blink of an eye," she began, setting the tea aside and grabbing onto the other with both hands.

"You have been hurt before and I know it haunts you still - I do not wish to become another reason for your grief," she added as Arcee looked away, appearing smaller than her frame.

They sat like that, silent, unmoving, until the femme moved, turning herself fully towards June. The hand the nurse was holding was joined with another servo, placed on her lap, as Arcee met her eyes again.

"I am done with grief holding me back from other people," she started off, haltingly, before the conviction started to flow from her vocaliser into words, faster and faster; as if she needed to get it out, to let June know, to let herself know all of it.

"I have and will hurt from the losses, but it shall not prevent me from seeking joy any longer - not if I can help it," she said as she curled towards the nurse, obviously wishing for more contact. 

"I know there is no forever for us, but I want to have your today and all your tomorrows," Arcee mumbled into their joined hands, eyes focused on them, as she finished with "If you will let me, that is."

June extracted one of her hands and placed it on the metal cheek; she smiled weakly, seeing the pain that laced the proclamation.

"Darling, I would be honored to have you, and would give myself in return," she soothed, tugging the face up gently to meet her eyes again, glad to see the joy replace some of the sorrow the conversation brought up. 

June allowed the blanket to slide off, as she got up and pressed herself against the femme, who held onto her gently in return, grip loose so as not to hurt.

"Are you not afraid you will regret it, when the time comes?" June muttered, face pressed into the warm blue plating.

Arcee's grip tightened, as she pulled the woman closer.

"With you, it will be worth it."

*********************

Another one prompted by this post of @paraxodicalundressing

[soundingstars]

Wei Wuxian's AU Verses

Paranormal: Wei Ying was born as an empath while it was difficult for him to control his abilities as a child, that was until he got help from his mentor. He decided to use his empathic abilities to help people with the hauntings that they are dealing with.  v: I know what they feel 

Happy Potter: Wei Ying is apart of the house, Ravenclaw which was the house that his relatives were apart of despite him being adopted. He is interested in magical creatures, history, and making things. He hasn’t decided what he wants to do after graduating from Hogwarts, but that is a decision he has plenty of time to make.  v: or yet in wise old Ravenclaw

Witch: Wei Ying’s family is known for witchcraft as his abilities are hereditary because many of his relatives were also witches, each unique in their own way. He is empathic and considered a necromancer being well known for his work with the dead which has caused a lot of mixed feelings from others. They tend to fear him while he does his best to use his magic to help people instead of causing harm. v: normal is an illusion

College: With his interests in art, Wei Ying is majoring in graphic design and painting while he has proven that he is an excellent artist with many interests. Graphic design is his favorite though. He hopes that he will be able to make a name for himself eventually knowing that it will be difficult to become the type of artist he wants to become. v: of paint and pencils

Law Enforcement: Wei Ying is a detective working underneath Captain Nie Mingjue helping enforce the law to keep the people safe and deal with any cases that appear across his desk. He is one of the smartest detectives that does look for his station despite his mischievous nature that does have a habit of getting him into trouble. v: to the greatest mind, nothing is little

Youtuber: Known as the Yiling Patriarch, Wei Ying’s channel covers over multiple things from video games to artwork and more. He’s become pretty popular with the ones who enjoy his channel with the content that he brings to his viewers. Content that he hopes will bring joy to his viewers as this was first just a hobby for him. v: hello, this is the yiling patriarch

Royal: Wei Ying was raised by his grandmother and uncles after the passing of his parents being the only heir of the family. His childhood was a bit lonely being kept safe inside of the home of his relatives because of the threat that might come after him. All he can do was wait for that chance to get some sort of freedom instead of being stuck inside of his home. v: the lonely prince 

Kitsune: Born as a Kitsune of Void, Wei Ying lived by himself since he was avoided because of his type being seen as a bad omen. He has tried to prove himself by giving warnings when danger is coming, but those warnings have gone ignored most of the time. He just wants to help, but it had be hard being a dark Kitsune because of the rumors and stories that float around his kind. v: beware the kitsune 

Celebrity: Wei Wuxian got into acting at a young age with modeling on the side, he became well-known fairly quickly in acting and modeling because of his talent. He made a name for himself from that talent while he was happy with everything he had done so far despite the mixed feelings that came from his adoptive parents. That didn’t stop him from aiming for the career that he wanted even though there were a few struggles that appeared along the way. v: success is born of struggles  

Until Dawn: Wei Ying’s adoptive family owns an estate on Blackwood Mountain while it was unknown about the secrets that were held there in the abandoned buildings. Buildings located deep inside the mountain. Wei Ying’s family and friends decided to visit the estate for a fun getaway unaware of the horrors that they were going to soon face. v: here in the forest

Mafia: Wei Wuxian was adopted into the Jiang family after the passing of his parents, the families were allies which was why he was taken in by Jiang Fengmian. He was raised along with his siblings on how to defend himself and everything for the sake of his survival. He soon gained the nickname, the Yiling Patriarch becoming well-known in the world that he was raised in. v: I’ve got blood on my hands 

Zombie Apocalypse: The outbreak started by people getting sick before the dead started to come back to life wandering through the streets. This was the start of the apocalypse and a fight for survival. Wei Ying was one of those who was fighting for survival and keeping the people important to him safe, that was until he was bitten. A week later, fighting a fever, nothing happened. No change or anything, the wound started to heal showing that he was immune to the virus that had appeared leaving a permanent scar behind. v: a scar means I survived

Coffee Shop: Along with his siblings, Wei Ying works at the Yunmeng Cafe that is owned by his stepparents which is very popular because of the customers that continue to come. A cafe that has been around since he was young filled with plenty of memories dealing with the family that adopted him after the passing of his parents. v: the daily grind

Florist: The Lotus Pier is a flower shop owned by his stepparents where he works alongside with his siblings, specifically his sister. It tends to get quite busy throughout the year while Wei Ying does live in the upstairs apartment above the shop. v: oh snapdragon!