#a form made me feel this way because my mother tried to kill me

[kaleighkarma]

I HATE MY MOM

[deadghosy]

HAZBIN HOTEL X CAELUS! READER

prompt: you were found digging in their trash and they took you in

(I got covid😭 so me posting xreader will be kinda slow)

You were digging for some food ever since you fell from heaven because you kept fighting people over trash…I mean damn reader…

You fell with a blank look as you had a rotten banana in your mouth as you looked down to see pentagram city…so what did you do? You pulled out your fire sword and slash the ground to soften your fall which worked. You changed it to a bat for protection as you found a dumpster!

CHA-CHING✨ MORE TRASHHHH

You dig in the dumpster not hearing a person whistling. The person dropped the garbage bag shocked to see a….? Whatever you are digging in the dumpster. Your face was completely dirty as you lift it up to show you found a cool old watch.

Charlie didn’t know what to do. Are you homeless? Is what she thought as she takes you out the garbage as you blankly stare at her “•_•” “uhm sweetie are you okay?” “……” “not much of a talker huh…” you just stayed quiet as Charlie introduced herself and shook your hand bringing you to the hotel so you can have a place to stay.

I feel like you were a new angel and only stayed for like 1 month…(free trial ass shit…) and so when you didn’t act holy and proper. That’s why you mostly got kicked out

Vaggie will know you are an angel because of your angelic look and golden eyes as you just stand there minding your business. You tell her you fell because you fought over your treasure….your trash practically. So Vaggie tells you what happened to her and you hugged her making her feel safe about herself a bit.

You two have matching bracelets you made from an exercise Charlie did.

Okay I headcannon that Lucifer is already in the hotel living with his daughter. And he felt your presence and he would be like. “Fuck are you doing here”🤨 “I fought for my life.”

Vox one time put you on air with him because of your golden shining eyes….i think he was flirting with you as you ate some gift cookies he made for you…

Velvette tried to make you a model, but you kept wandering off somehow. Literally she got tired of you but never of your face as she at least posted you wearing some nice 2000 makeup

Carmilla had a gut feeling about you being an angel. She wanted to kill you but then you gave her a ring you found in a dumpster because you said she reminded you of your earth mother/parent. Yeah she wanted to adopt you

You help sir Pentious, or who you call penny for his project builds. You dig in dumpster’s, trash bins, and garbage dumps

Angel dust and you sometimes just be on your phones all the time which is obnoxious. But hey, I don’t make the rules. Being on your phone makes it seem like you don’t want to be talked to which is true.

Lucifer made you a duck as he notciced how lonely you are….(you don’t give a fuck, you only need trash as your friends) so Lucifer made you 20 ducks that are based on your favorite things or like idk just ducks

The egg boiz follow you around as you literally calling you the, “TRASH BOSS!” Not in a bad way more like in admiration as you give them stuff from the garbage.

Your golden eyes shining in the night scaring husk as he didn’t even see you in his hind sight. Like he is a cat, but he didn’t even see you?!

You and alastor’s both eat weird things, like he is a cannibal….and for you..either trash or just normal weird food combos

Alastor would definitely try to get you to eat cannibal meat, but to be honest you can tell the difference between human and regular meat. You always know.

Niffty is the kind of person who would give you a trash flower crown, kinda like how she made a crown for Alastor ✨🦆

I headcannon your angelic/demon form to be a raccoon 💀

You send dumbass memes in the hazbin hotel gc…

You are quite the feral person tbh, but who didn’t know when you literally fought people for your damn trash.

You definitely had bit Valentino once as Angel dust brought you to a club and you were digging in trash to find something cool. But Valentino found you adorable in the face and wanted to make you a sex worker. And what did you do when he tried to hurt Angel?

YOU BIT HIS FUCKIN HAND ALMOST OFF AS ANGEL WAS TRYING TO PULL YOU OFF😭

Yeah..you definitely had blood dripping from your mouth when Angel dragged you out of the club

[restinslices]

Everything

PJO Show Ares x Child!Reader (no gender specified)

Word count: 2459

Summary: Ares supposedly hates kids, so it’s really strange that he comes when you call. (Do not let the summary fool you, this is not fluff. Based on a dream I had a couple days ago. Warning for possible ooc Ares and brief mentions of abuse. Blink and you’ll miss it type shit)

“I don't wanna say”, Grover fingers fidgeted with each other as he purposefully avoided eye contact with you. 

“We're friends, right?”

“Of course!”

“Then you have to tell me! You spoke to my father, I gotta know what he said! What was he like? I bet he was really cool! Man, I wish I could've been there and talked to him”, you looked down at your shoes and added more misery to your face than was necessary. It was extremely childish and petty but Grover kept refusing to tell you what your father Ares was like. You had to know though. You doubted he brought you up, but you still wanted to know what he said and what he was like when he was just out and about. Grover had the opportunity to have a long talk with him and that was something you'd kill and suffer for. 

“I doubt you'd wanna do that” he mumbled, but you heard him. 

“Why'd you say that?” You asked. 

Grover refused to expound on what he meant… at first. 

Everyone knew Grover couldn't hold water so it didn't take too much prodding before he spilled his guts. 

The memory replayed in your head more than you'd like to admit, and if it were up to you, you'd no longer be a half blood. 

It made you feel pathetic. Tons of gods- no. All the gods were shitty parents. After all, they had children with mortals and left the children on Earth, knowing they'd be hunted down. Plenty of half bloods died in a gruesome painful way and at a young age. Plenty of gods never claimed their children, even if they made it to Camp Half Blood. But Ares did claim you, so you assumed that that meant he cared for you in some way. He even gifted you with a double sided sword. Surely, he must've loved you. 

You were foolish and you hated how foolish you were. You should've known he didn't care. He left you here with mortals and watched as your home life got worse and worse which was due to multiple factors including a piss poor mother and step family, the aura children of Ares give off that makes people around them experience rage and of course the random monster attacks that your family blamed you for. It was as if they thought you begged Ares to be his child. As if you'd ever do something as stupid as that. 

The rain soaked through your hood, making your hair all wet and gross. You were an idiot. You tried coming home for the school year, thinking maybe your family changed. They said they did. They tended to lie a lot though. You got into a huge fight and stormed out and you were in such a hurry that you completely forgot to grab your pouch full of drachmas and you didn't wanna step another foot in that house. So now here you were, outside with freezing cold hands that couldn't be warmed because your hoodie was soaking and you couldn't call Chiron. Perfect.

You checked your pockets once again, hoping to find something other than the lighter and fruit roll up that was there but alas, nothing magically appeared. You held the two objects in your hand and an idea formed in your mind. 

You could always set the fruit roll up on fire as an offering. You could pray to your father and hope he hears you and sends you something to help. 

No. That's incredibly stupid. Could you even light a fruit roll up on fire? It didn't matter. Not only was that the stupidest offering ever but you refused to pray to him. You'd rather sleep out in the rain then sneak inside when your family was gone to get your shit. 

You put the two objects in your pocket and let your head rest on your knees, exhaustion hitting. It wasn't even physical exhaustion. It was all mental and emotional. Like a leech was sucking on you constantly. Or a vampire. You'd prefer that. At least you'd die quicker. 

The hum of a motorcycle filled your ears, getting closer and closer. Best case scenario, it was a neighbor. Worst case scenario, it was a murderer. Honestly, you'd welcome both. 

The hum stopped and a familiar voice made you look up, “rough night”. 

It was him. Ares. God of war. Father to who knew how many. It was someone you definitely did not want to see… or so you thought. Part of you absolutely despised him now and everything to do with him and wanted to rip him apart. The other part of you though still felt an immense amount of joy when you saw him and you wanted to cling to him like a child clings to its favorite toy. If you were alone, you would've screamed. 

Then a thought crossed your mind. You didn't burn anything. You didn't make an offering. 

“You were going to” he said, seeming to read your mind. 

“Why are you here?” you managed to get out after some time of just staring at him. 

“Why do you think I'm here?” he asked and you could tell by his tone he meant it sarcastically. Like “the reason is so obvious. Stop being stupid”. 

Something about that sarcastic and irritated tone made you think back to what Grover told you. 

“Why don't you like me?” You asked and you hadn't meant to. It was supposed to stay in your head. 

He squinted his eyes at you and looked you up and down, “what?”. 

You could've let it go. You could've said nevermind, thanked him and let him help. You couldn't though. You didn't know when you'd have this chance again (the camp visited them but damn, there was a lot of you) and if you did something to make him not like you, you wanted to fix it. But that wasn't your job, right? Parents are supposed to care for their kids. 

You did that a lot. Your mind juggled opposite thoughts and it drove you insane. This was just the latest bit of juggling you'd been doing. 

“Grover said he spoke to you-”

“Who is Grover?”

“Percy's friend. The satyr”. A look of anger flashed in his eyes. You knew he remembered Percy. You didn't give him time to start yelling about the 12 year old that beat him in a fight. “Grover said that he spoke to you. I asked what it was like and he said that you said that you hate kids. Even your own. And when we visit, it's the worst day of the year. So, I was just wondering why you don't like me. Is it something I've done?”. 

Ares just rolled his eyes and sighed, “you're taking that personal?”. 

“It's kinda hard not to”. 

“I came to take you back to camp, not talk about whatever crisis you're having right now”. 

You didn't know if you were angry because of what he said, or because of his effect on others. Either way, blood started rushing to your head. “I'm not asking for a lot. I'm asking for an answer. A simple answer. Why don't you like me?”

“I don't like any of my kids”

“And that makes it better?” You asked in disbelief. Ares just stared at you, emotion void on his face. 

“Why do you do this? You keep having kids even though you hate them. Why?”. 

“It's not that simple and I don't have to explain anything to you”. You wished he'd show emotion. Any sliver of it. He was too calm, too numb. You'd prefer him yelling at you but nothing seemed to phase him. He was talking to you the same way you'd talk to a toddler. 

“It is incredibly simple. Just stop having sex with mortals. You already have Aphrodite -who is a married woman but whatever-” you rushed the last part. You didn't particularly care for the affairs between the gods. “How could your eyes possibly wander?”. 

Seeing him show a sliver of anger when you mentioned Aphrodite only filled you with more rage. That’s what angered him? That’s what got emotion out of him? “Really? That's what gets you? What about me being drenched?”

“You chose to come out here” he said through gritted teeth. If you knew Aphrodite was the key to him showing any piece of human emotion, you would've brought her up earlier. 

“I didn't choose this!” Your voice rose, “I didn't choose to be abandoned by my father and be stuck with a dysfunctional family for the rest of my life. You should be angry at that, not me mentioning Aphrodite. You should be enraged at the thought of anyone putting their hands on me and your hands should be covered in their blood! That is how it should be”. 

“Believe it or not the gods aren't too keen on the idea of killing mortals”

“But turning them into various objects and ruining their lives when it's a boring Tuesday is ok?”. His face went back to being blank and emotionless and your plan to stop talking was scrapped. You weren't even sure what you wanted. You wanted him to show something besides anger. Sadness? Regret maybe? Just something to show that maybe, just maybe, he cared deep down and regretted leaving you. 

“None of us asked for this. You all just decide to create and leave us. And you hating the people you created is… I don't know. And it's so stupid that I've spent years of my life trying to get you to be proud of me, only for it to be impossible!”. 

“I claimed you didn't I?” he defended himself, but you scoffed. 

“That's the bare minimum dad! That's like saying your kids should be grateful because you feed them!” You were full on screaming by now and you wouldn't have been surprised if a neighbor came out to see what the fuss was about. “I don't even know why I'm having this conversation with you. You probably hate being called 'dad’ and you don't care. You're never gonna get it”

“I try everyday to make you see me and you do everything in your power to not see me. To not see any of us. I would work myself to death for you. I would betray anyone close to me for you. If you asked me to burn down the world for you, I would. If you asked me to extinguish the sun, I'd find a way to because to me… to me you were everything. You are everything”. 

You couldn't tell if your face was wet from the rain, or from tears of sorrow and anger. It could've been both. Your eyes certainly stung and you hated it. You knew you had every right to be frustrated, but you hated how weak it made you feel. The children of Ares weren't supposed to cry. They were supposed to be headstrong and fight their enemies. They were supposed to be fierce warriors capable of bringing armies down to their knees. They were meant to shed blood, not tears. 

You thought for a second you saw an emotion cross his face. You couldn't pinpoint it though. It happened too fast and there was a good chance you were imagining things. 

“You can go. I'd rather sleep in the rain. I wouldn't wanna be even more of a burden” you spat with such venom you didn't know it was possible. Sure, you could have a bit of a temper but this felt different. It wasn't just anger or annoyance. There was a mix of grieving. 

It went silent for awhile, and the adrenaline you felt slowly went down. Reality started to sink in. You just yelled at a god. People who were known to cause destruction for something as small as “I think my shoes are better than yours”. 

“Are you gonna curse me? Or, I don't know, strangle me with my own shoe laces?”. Ares reached into his pocket and you looked away and closed your eyes. You expected to feel a burning sensation. That's what you assumed being cursed was like. A burning sensation and then you'd lose a limb or something. 

All you felt was something land on your lap. You looked down and saw a red pouch with gold string keeping it closed. You looked up at him, but he didn't say anything. You untied the string and opened the pouch and inside laid a pile of drachmas. 

Now he spoke, “call Chiron or whoever else works at that camp. Don't die out here”. 

“You're leaving?” You asked. You didn't know why you were disappointed. You should've been happy. After all, you just went off on him about how shit he was. 

“I have a busy schedule”. You wanted to ask if he'd be seeing the married woman he slept with or another unfortunate mortal, but you figured you pushed your luck enough today. 

“Thanks uhh…” you debated on calling him dad but instead you called him by his name. “Ares”. Then you remembered some gods could be particularly upset when you used their name. “God of war and all those other honorifics”. 

“Yeah” was all he said before he sped off, leaving you alone once again. You didn't know what he was saying “yeah” to but you didn't have enough time to ask and he probably wouldn't even answer. 

You called Chiron and asked to be brought back to camp but you didn't tell him about the conversation you had with Ares. 

You couldn't get the conversation out of your head, even after you showered and laid down to finally get some rest. 

Of course you kept thinking about the conversation and how lucky you were Ares didn't throw you into the street and run you over. 

Another thing stayed on your mind though. 

You didn't give an offering. You were told the gods would listen if you burned something that mattered, like the thickest piece of meat on your plate. You weren't sure they were actually listening and honestly you thought it was a real asshole condition. 

All you had was some stupid candy and you didn't even burn that and the minute you thought about it, he appeared like he was already watching. 

But you doubted he was watching. You doubted he listened to your prayers at all. 

You were one of his children which was something he hated. He'd claim you, possibly send a gift then be done with you. He didn't listen to you anymore. He didn't watch over you anymore. 

It was a coincidence. That's all it was. 

You were sure of it. 

At least, you tried to be. 

This is definitely ooc Ares but YA’LL KNOW I’M A LITTLE FUCKING SLOW! BE PATIENT WITH ME GOTDAMMIT😭 If you saw any errors, no you did not. I already proofread it once and I don’t feel like doing it again like I typically do. It’s 1am. I should be asleep.

[hornedstorys]

Jason Todd x Reader - you are Pregnant and he saves you Part 2

Warnings: Dirt, breeding fetish, Jason has caught baby fever, you feel uncomfortable after giving birth because your body has changed, fear, blood. More Babydaddy Jason!

Synopsis: Jason loves his little family that you gave him, but he notices how uncomfortable you feel in your body and he wants to show you how beautiful you are, meanwhile he is haunted by the thought that you are carrying his children.

It had been a month since you gave birth to your little girl and Jason adored her. You were fortunate that she was really sound asleep and therefore a quiet child. Jason came home to you and the first thing he did was pull you into a big hug, which you gladly accepted. He loved smelling your scent, it made him feel at home and it eased his frazzled nerves.

Then he took his little girl out of the flu and she cooed at him delightedly. A grin was on the man's face as he lay down on the sofa with her on his chest and dozed. You watched her lovingly. It really was a sweet sight and you knew it was good for Jason to get some rest too. He was still a mercenary and was really falling on the road.Later that day, as you were preparing food, the tall man came up behind you and scrutinized your form. There was pure love in his eyes, but he didn't notice how you were lost in thought about how fat your belly looked today. You cut the vegetables and bit your lips.

"Did she fall asleep?" You asked him with a smile and he nodded.

"When does she not sleep," he chuckled and came to your rescue before you could resist.

"I think she gets that from her father. He was always the quiet type too," you mentioned casually and suddenly Jason's hand was gently on your shoulder.

"Are you okay?" He inquired, his beautiful gray eyes looking at you searchingly. He wasn't stupid, he was like a bloodhound who just had a sense that you were unwell. You didn't know what was going on between you and Jason. He had almost moved in with you and he helped out everywhere, even after the pregnancy. He was a really good guy, but neither of you had ever said the three big words, even though deep in your heart you felt so much for him.

After the death of your partner, no man was good enough to take your place as a father, especially not a young woman who was already a mother. And now you still felt uncomfortable with your body. Stretch marks, excess skin and more flab than usual. Of course you knew that this was all normal, but your sex life was dead and it was somehow eating away at your self-confidence and self-esteem. You wanted love, lots of love, sexual love and the feelings for Jason almost drowned you because you just didn't know if he felt the same way. He had never kissed you, never just touched you anywhere, he respected you but he didn't say anything about his feelings.

"I'm fine, Jason," you lied, smiling wider. He looked at you skeptically, but he didn't ask any more questions, but suddenly he came closer to you and you felt the heat on your cheeks.

"You look really beautiful today, by the way," he breathed and your mouth fell open. You felt completely different.

"Oh no, look at me. I haven't showered, there's vomit on my top and I have dark circles under my eyes," your voice broke, you were so ashamed and you felt your eyes start to burn. You inhaled and exhaled deeply and avoided Jason's gaze. Jason tried to say something back, but you avoided him.

"(F/n) needs something to eat," with those words you left quickly and Jason looked after you, snivelling. He could feel that something was bothering you and he tore at his heart, but he thought you were beautiful and that you were a wonderful mother. It made him long for more, he missed your swollen belly that he could stroke, the kicks against his hand and your helplessness.

He loved protecting you and he would kill anyone who got too close or hurt you, the same for your daughter. He would love to say our daughter. He wanted to be a really solid part of your little world and he wanted to be there 24/7. The thought of you carrying his children excited him and at the same time made his heart beat faster. Jason never thought he would fall so much into the role of father, but he did and he fell deep and he fell even deeper for you. Damn, he wished he had the courage to tell you how he really felt. He was so close, he was so close to you and all that was missing was one last push.

That evening you were in your room and wanted to change. You were standing naked in front of the wardrobe, looking for your sleeping clothes, when suddenly the door opened and Jason walked in. He had to go on patrol and wanted to say goodbye to you both, because he might not have time to come by for the next two days.

When he saw you standing there naked, he stopped and his eyes widened as he took in every curve of you. You were beautiful and briefly he caught a glimpse of your breasts, he didn't want to stare, but the sight of you made him weaken. He was already in his full Red Hood uniform and his helmet was now held ironclad in his hand.You gave him a startled look and hid your breasts.

"Jason!?" He turned around immediately, as if you had snapped him out of his trance."I'm sorry. I just wanted to say goodbye," he entegenet you and wouldn't look at you again until you were dressed.

"It's all right, I have to apologize for making you look at that," you blurted out and immediately his head snapped in your direction and anger flooded through him. His look was uncomprehending.

"What are you talking about?" He growled and came towards you, you looked at him with wide eyes as he grabbed you and his face was only a few centimeters away from yours. You could feel his warm breath on your nose and his now storm gray eyes gazed intently into yours.

"You're fucking wonderful and you know it! You're beautiful and strong and damn I-" he broke off when he realized what he was about to say. He quickly pulled you into a tight hug and you wrapped your arms around him, still surprised.

"I'll be back soon," he whispered and gently pressed a kiss against your cheek. Your heart tightened at those words as memories came flooding back.

"Take care Jay," you breathed and he put on his helmet, his white eyes looking to you once more as he playfully gave you a military salute with his index and middle finger.

"I'll be back, (y/n). I promise."

Two days turned into three and Jason didn't come back. You sat anxiously on the sofa and poked your daughter, but she didn't really want a drink. She seemed to sense your anxiety and you swallowed hard. You were afraid that he wouldn't come back, just like your deceased partner. And slowly your fear really turned into panic.

You put the baby in the cradle, sighing, and paced restlessly back and forth in your apartment. You felt really sick.

Suddenly you heard a loud thud in your room and you immediately started moving. You felt nauseous and when you pulled open the door, there was a blood-covered figure lying on the floor.

"Jason!" You shouted and knelt down next to him. He groaned as you turned him onto his back, you gently but firmly removed the mask from his head and tears gathered in your eyes.

"Hey," he breathed and grinned crookedly at you, but you didn't feel like laughing. You carefully helped him up and took him to the smaller bathroom where you got rid of his clothes."Not so fast, aren't we still in the dating phase," he joked, but your cold gaze silenced him and he lowered his head.In just his underwear, he sat shakily on the toilet seat and you cleaned his wounds, then got the sewing kit and sewed them up. It made you shudder, but you had to do it. Carefully, you grabbed his light-colored mop of hair and pushed his face up. Your wet eyes looked into his and he looked at you apologetically.

"At least you kept your promise," you sobbed out and Jason's face screwed up as you threw yourself into his arms. He closed his eyes and hugged you tightly against him, not caring that everything hurt. You were more important.His sweaty forehead lay in the crook of your neck and he could feel your frantic heartbeat, beating like crazy against your ribcage. After a few minutes you disengaged and you helped Jason freshen up. He had cuts and bruises all over. Carefully, you wiped him down with a warm, wet sponge.

"How's (F/n)?" Came out of his mouth as you wiped his face. He almost felt like a child being washed by his mother, but he enjoyed your warm little hands on his bare skin. It gave him goose bumps.

"She's fine, but she was just as restless as I was today, Jason," you puffed, tossing the sponge and rag aside. Your gaze sought his and his gray eyes looked at you apologetically.

It was pretty late. You fed your daughter and took her briefly to Jason who was lying in your bed. His heart blossomed when he saw you with the baby in your arms and you sat down with him and put your arms around him (F/n). It always made her so happy to see Jason and her beady eyes lit up.

"Hello sweetie," he cooed and he had become much more confident with her than at the beginning. He had been afraid he would crush her or drop her, but you trusted him one hundred percent.

"So you two, bedtime," you smiled and took the little girl from him again and put her in the cradle, which was just opposite in the nursery.Exhausted, you fell into bed and Jason looked at you, partly amused and partly worried.

"I can sleep on the couch too. I'm used to it," he grinned and you shook your head.

"You stay here so I can keep an eye on you. With you, I have two kids in this apartment to look after," you paused as the one memory came up.

"But I still owed them something anyway, Jason. Now I've saved you for once," you joke weakly and Jason hums: "And I'm really grateful for that."

His gaze became more thoughtful as he scrutinized you.

"But I can think of a better way for you to return the favor," his gaze was serious, but loving. Your gaze became confused as your brows drew together.

"Take your clothes off"

"Excuse me!?"

You almost slapped him, but he didn't make any facial expressions, he didn't even look at you flirty. You closed your eyes and sighed, then took off your top and your pants. But you quickly covered yourself up.

"I know what a woman looks like," Jason said quietly, his eyes now twinkling with amusement. You blushed.

"That's not the point, Jason," you grumbled, suddenly flipping the covers off your body so he could really see everything except for the spot between your legs. But he wasn't staring at your genitals, but at your stomach and thighs.He hesitated, but carefully stroked over his thighs, up to your soft belly. You watched him with wide eyes.

"It's not nice," you sniffled.

"Bullshit! I'll tell you every day if I have to, but you're beautiful," Jason growled sternly, gently caressing your stomach. The backs of his hands touched the soft skin of your breasts and you closed your eyes, relaxed.

"You look much better than me," came out of your mouth and Jason grimaced, even though it pleased him at the same time that you liked him.

"It's the body of a dead man and murderer (Y/n). He's scarred," he took your hand and let you run it along his T-shaped scar. You stared in awe at the stitched tissue and swallowed hard. This man had suffered so much in his past.Suddenly his sultry hands gently stroked your hips and for a moment you forgot that you were lying naked next to him. Your hand was on the side of his neck and your eyes devoured each other. But Jason didn't want to wait any longer and gently pressed his lips to yours.

You opened your eyes at first, but then you gave in and kissed him back. A longing rose up inside you and he seemed to lose himself too. Because he pressed you closer against his chest and ran his fingers over his broad thighs, exploring. He gently kneaded the flesh and you gasped into his mouth, making him grin. You looked at him sheepishly.

"It's been a long time," you whispered with red cheeks.

"The stupid men who just let you goddess go. But now I'm here to give you the attention you deserve," he growled against your lips, gently stroking the sensitive skin. Now you were the one pressing your lips against his and Jason hummed in pleasure. Your tongue invaded his mouth and you playfully started a little fight that took both your breath away.

Jason now lay down gently between your legs. You could clearly see the big bulge in his underwear and he also noticed the wet spot on your underwear.

"You looked so good when you were pregnant," he cooed, gently stroking your breasts which were glowing with sensitivity. You moaned softly and bit your lips.

"Such a beautiful, swollen belly," he licked his lips as he watched white drops come out of your chest and your cheeks grew even redder. He leaned forward and gently licked the drop of sweet milk from your pebbled nipple.A gasp escaped your mouth and you grabbed his hair to hold on. You liked it far too much.

"You like that, don't you?" He teased, sucking harder on your breast which made you hiss. Your wet pussy was already throbbing and Jason's hard cock pressed against your clitoris.The next moment he ripped your underpants off and gently kneaded every bulge in your thighs. He had long forgotten his pain.

"I've so often imagined what you would look like, swollen with my seed," his eyes darkened with lust and this statement made you hold your breath. Had he just confessed to you that he wanted a child with you?"Jason," you started, but he didn't give you a chance to speak and hungrily he pressed his lips against your wet pussy and you moaned out as he caressed your sensitive bud. It made your legs tremble. His tongue was so warm and wet and you thrust your pelvis hopelessly towards him.

"Tell me what you want (Y/n)," with a smacking sound he broke away from you and looked deep into your eyes. You gasped pleadingly as he broke away from you.

"Do you want me to fill you with my seed?" Slowly, he ran his tongue over your clitoris again, but his gaze remained fixed on you. You moaned, "Yes please, Jason! Fill me, I need you!"

He didn't need to be told twice as he carefully rose up and settled between your legs. You were still sensitive down there after giving birth. But you were so ready to take every inch of this man he had you and there was definitely enough there.You wrapped your legs around his hips and Jason put his warm lips to yours, you could taste yourself and it made you whimper.

Slowly he entered you and you clung to his shoulders. It was unfamiliar, but at the same time it felt so good and intense.As Jason pushed deeper, you both groaned. He stretched you so well and the pain turned into something intoxicating. You thrust your hips towards him and he began to thrust.

But instead of going faster, Jason did it gently but deeply. He rested his forehead against yours and his scent fogged your mind, even without his jacket he still smelled of leather and gunpowder, but there was something else in the air, something metallic.

"You're doing so well, beautiful. Look at you, damn it," he growled and you whimpered. Your breasts bounced along and your belly and thighs bounced too and it only made Jason get harder.

"I can't wait to fuck you until you're carrying my baby," he moaned, his hips slamming harder against your ass. His cock tried to penetrate you even deeper and his thrusts became faster and harder.The room was filled with moans, gasps and the smacking sound of your pussy being stretched to the limit.

"Jason I-," the pressure in your abdomen built up and Jason understood immediately as he could feel you tighten around him. He took his fingers and started stroking your clit, it was just a gentle touch because he wanted to tease me. You gritted your teeth but moved against him more, the pressure in your abdomen kept building and you threw your head back as your orgasm hit you.

"Oh Jason! I love you!" You cried out as the waves of pleasure overwhelmed your body and your words sent jolts of electricity coursing through Jason's body as he buried his seed deep inside you.

Panting and wet with sweat, Jason still lay over you, looking into your eyes. Your embarrassment returned. You were at a loss for words.Panting, your foreheads lay against each other and Jason looked at you hopefully.

"I love you too (y/n)," he panted, kissing you deeply. You melted into the kiss. He kissed every inch of your body, every stretch mark, every dent.

"Do you believe me now that you're beautiful?" He asked, brushing a strand of hair from your face. You nodded, still too dazed to say anything.

"You love me, Jason?" You breathed and softly the mercenary nodded at you.

"I loved you right after I rescued you back then. You gave me a sense of family and love, something I've been missing for a long time. I was afraid to tell you," he confessed and you gently placed your hand against his cheekHe leaned into your touch and closed his eyes. Then he opened them again and there was mischief in his eyes.

"That wasn't a lie, by the way, about 'I'll fuck you until you carry my child,' " he said, his eyes darkening again. You licked your lips and rolled your eyes.

"For now, you're already a father, Jason," you smiled softly at him and his look seemed surprised."Really?" he breathed and you nodded.

"She's not just my daughter, she's yours too, Jason. Ours."

Jason's chest swelled with happiness and love. Like a guard dog, he watched over you, watching you as you pressed against his broad chest. Comfortable and safe in his warmth.

He was so grateful to you for everything and he really wondered what he had done to deserve all this.

[jkbunny2001]

HASBIN HOTEL: Lucifer Morningstar x Fem!Reader

Pairings: Lucifer x Fem!Reader

Genre: Lucifer adoring his precious little duckie

Rating: 21+

Summary: You’ve been feeling like you shouldn’t be with Lucifer due to public eye, thinking you’re not enough. Lucifer proves you wrong

Warnings: dom!lucifer, daddy k!nk, edging, orgasm denial, sub space, fingering, eating out, blowjob, demon forms, slight ch!king kink

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was hard for you to not be in Hell’s public eye. Dating the Lord of Hell kinda makes you in the media’s camera line. Not that you minded really, you were just happy to be with him and Charlie when needed. You manifested into Hell a couple of years before Charlie was born, and with her mother leaving, she viewed you as a sort of “motherly” figured for lack of a better word.

However, with the fame, comes the drama. Recently, tabloids have been running all throughout Hell about how you even got to be with Lucifer in the first place. At first, you believed it to be just the random gossip of the week. But, after a while it started to stick.

Main headlines read, ‘Is this demon really suitable for the King of Hell?’, ‘Y/N… Hell’s next Queen? Or Tramp of the Week?’ Charlie kept telling you not to listen and that they had no idea what they were talking about. You asked her to not say anything to her father. He would light the reporter on fire for writing what they did.

As you walked around the mansion Lucifer lived in, you kept noticing the servants gossiping about things, but the minute you were in line of sight, they were quiet. You started to grow self conscious. You knew Lucifer loved you, there was no denying that.

But were you enough? You stared at yourself in the mirror of your master bedroom.. ‘is it my horns?’ You thought to yourself examining your own face and body. ‘My red skin? Are my boobs too small? Or.. is it because I’m not powerful enough?’ A million questions were rubbing through your head, you started to cry, tears running down your blood red face…

As your head was down, Lucifer walked into the room. “Hello my little duckie, what’s- are you crying?!” Lucifer was clearly worried and upset. Who made you cry? Who did he have to kill? You quickly wipe your face turning away from him. “Um.. no I’m okay! Just something in my eyes!” You tried to make an excuse know it probably wasn’t going to convince your boyfriend.

Lucifer placed his hand on your shoulder, turning your face towards him. You were about a foot shorter than he was, you always felt petite next to him…. but now you just felt small, in a bad way.. almost insignificant.

“Duckie what’s wrong?? Talk to me angel..” Lucifer held your face in his hands, him towering over you kissing your cheeks. His gentle affection started to make your cry more. His thumb caressed your check and you open up to him. “I’m sorry Luci… I’m sorry that I’m not enough.” That statement stung him. He was so pissed and yet hurt that anyone would make you even remotely think that.

“Shhhh… it’s okay my angel, don’t you ever think that again.” Lucifer held you close, kiss the top of your head as he stroked your hair. “Don’t listen to any of those shit talking idiots.. you are more than enough..” he kissed the side your cheeks, “you’re my beautiful angel..” he deeply kissed you wrapping his arm around your waist, pulling you into his chest. You wrapped your own around his neck, the kiss initiating some excited between the two of you.

Lucifer pulled away, slowly growing in his demon form, and looking you deep in the eyes, cause yours to slowly come out. “I’m gonna make you believe it.”

Almost immediately, he grabbed your thighs, making you cling to his body tighter, as he shoved his tongue into your mouth again. You moaned at the sudden intrusion, as he carried you to the edge on the bed, holding you down with his own weight, slowly rolling his hips against your own.

Lucifer started to get more aggressive, nibbling at your neck with his fangs. You moaned out loud, subconsciously clenching your legs together, only for them to be pulled apart forcefully my his hands. “You better keep those legs open for daddy..” he growled in your ear. Your body shivered with excitement, you loved his daddy kink because when it comes out, you know how the sex is going to be. Rough, intense, and fucking amazing.

As you both get more heated, your true forms slowly started to merge out quickly. Your horns started to wrap around your head and ears, your tail getting longer, wrapping itself around Lucifer’s leg tightly. By the time he was grinding down in you, Lucifer was already in his full form. He reached to your chest and start to rip your shirt with his nails. You felt the tiniest scrap of his claws on your chest, arching your back getting more excited that you let out a small moan.

He chuckled at your reaction. “Oh poor baby, the fun has just begun and you’re already so sensitive..” once your shirt was fully ripped, he snapped his fingers and a rope appeared in his hand. He levitated you to the best of the frame and tied your hands to the bed post, using the sides of your shirt to keep your arms in place.

Again, your legs clenched with anticipation and lust. Out came his snake like tongue, almost giving out a little hiss before he dove his head into your cunt. “OH FUCK!” you shouted in pleasure, feeling that tongue glide across your folds, Lucifer’s hands holding your legs apart.

“Good girl, scream for daddy..” he groaned licking deeper, his fangs scraping on the top of your clit. You throw your head back in pleasure, moaning his name like a mantra. “Fuck yes.. please!” Your tail wrapped around his arm, tightening the closer you were. “Please what baby girl? Tell daddy what you want..”

You sat up to look him in the eyes, “Please daddy.. I want more.. give me more..” you whimpered at the loss of feeling his tongue. Lucifer smirked as he pulled you further up on the bed. He started to undress his own clothes, a snap of his fingers made the shirt wrapped around your wrists disappear. Laying next to you, he flipped to you your hands and knees, putting you a 69 position.

You yelled at the sudden movement, but seeing how hard and big Lucifer was made your mind go blank. “Get to work, duckie.” You didn’t even hesitate in pleasuring your king. You swirled your tongue around his tip, licking from the slit around. He groaned in pleasure as he licked up your slit.

You moaned as you wrapped your lips around his tip, moving your head up and down. Hearing Lucifer groan in pleasure made you want to keep going, taking every inch of him. But it was a struggle when he continued to lick up your pussy, sticking a little bit of his forked tongue in you with every lick.

Lucifer loved to see his little baby struggle, taking every inch down your throat. He stopped licking to push your head down further, making you gag at the sudden push. “Fuck duckie, there you go. I know you can take it all in. Service daddy properly.” He smirked watching you slip into a sub space, your mind starting to go blank.

The reporters and headlines you were worrying about was long gone. All you could think about was Lucifer… your king, your daddy, your lover… and making sure he was satisfied. You relaxed your throat, taking Lucifer so deep, his balls were touching the tip of your nose.

“Fuuckk, good girl! Such a fucking good slut. You want daddy that badly? You want me to fuck your tight, little hole?” You moaned on him, trying to nod your head with him still reaching the back of your throat. Slowly you lift your head up, catching a breath. Lucifer kept you in that position before running his fingers across your folds.

“Shit, I might not even need lube baby.. you’re already so wet for me..” you moaned loud, feeling a finger slide inside. The top half of your red body was faced down into the sheets. How can one finger feel so good? Lucifer groaned at your face, tongue out, drool staining the sheet, your body twitching at the sudden intrusion at another finger being added.

Your tail curled around your leg, looking something to grip onto, feeling your body getting closer and closer to a release. It was very obvious to Lucifer, he knew your body more than you did. “Are you close angel? I barely touched you and you’re already so close.” He asked in a teasing way.

You could barely nod your head, you were so close, just tittering on the edge… then you feel nothing. You whimpered and whine, looking around you for your lover. “Be good..” Lucifer slapped your ass, making you through your head back in agonizing pleasure. “You cum when daddy tells you to cum.”

Your body shivers as you feel him line his cock at your pussy, leaning backwards to feel as much of it as you can. Only for it to result in another smack from his hand. “You don’t beg that way. Ask properly.” You gasps, your head feeling so light, you were saying things you normally would be so embarrassed to in the right state of mind.

“Fuck me daddy.. please, I want it!” You kept grinding back against him, earning you more slaps, leaving you dripping. “You want what? Say it properly!” “I want daddy’s cock in me, I want daddy to fuck my tight puss-AHHHH!” You screamed in pleasure as Lucifer stuffs his cock into your cunt.

“Fuck baby, always so fucking tight for me.” He growled, starting off fast and hard. Your body trembled in the please it was receiving. Your tongue hung from your mouth, babbling nonsense. All that came out was his name. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. DADDY! “Fuck me daddy! Fuck it feels so good! RIGHT THERE! FU-AHH DON’T STOP PLEASE! FUUCCKK!”

Both of your tails intertwined with each other, your claws digging into the sheet, while his threatened to break the skin on your hips. “Good fucking girl, that’s how you beg! Fuck you feel so good around Daddy, nice and fucking tight.” His eyes started to turn fully red, his climax coming too.

He grabbed your arms and pulled your body flushed against his, one hand holding your wrist behind your back, and the other around your throat, squeezing ever so slightly. “You gonna cum baby? You wanna cum with daddy?” He kept thrusting harder with every question.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, leaning back on Lucifer’s shoulder. You turn your head to him to say, “Yes please! I wanna cum! I wanna cum with daddy! Cum in me daddy please! I want it!!” your eyes turning red, feeling that same knot in your stomach come undone.

He growled, shoving his tongue in your mouth, kissing with sloppily. Lucifer’s thrusts started to get more and more erratic, chasing both of your highs. “You fucking slut, cum for daddy. Do it now!” You both moaned into the kiss, you almost screamed from the release. You squirted all over his cock, as he pumped his seed so far into you that it leaked out onto your thighs.

Your body went limp against Lucifer. Twitching from the shock of the pleasure he gave you. He groaned as he slowly pulled out and laid you on the bed. He ran to the bathroom and grabbed a warm towel, cleaning every part of your body.

You looked at him with loving eyes, thankful that he takes the extra measure. Lucifer climbed under the covers with, holding your body close and he stroked your hair. “Did I prove it to you?” He smirked, looking down at your body. You giggled back holding he cheek.

“You prove them wrong.”

[spncrscasey]

Casual (k.s.)

Fandom/Characters: Chicago Fire - Kelly Severide x Fem!Reader, Matt Casey

Word Count: 2.6k

Summary: Agreeing to a friends with benefits deal with Kelly Severide to blow of some steam after shifts seemed like a great idea in the beginning. What happens when one of you starts to catch feelings?

Warnings: 18+ (no actual smut written but don't read if implication of it makes you uncofmy) - slight ooc kelly? hurt/comfort, mention of child death, fires, angst, pet names, fluff, implied smut, cursing, mention of sex, drinking, arguments, kissing, happy ending

a/n: i’ve been a matt girl since the moment i started watching chicago fire but recently i’ve been obsessed with kelly so this fic is a result of said obsession! also this was a bit rushed so ignore that lol but it was kinda inspired by the song casual by chappell roan so if you want, give it a listen while reading :) oh by the way the gif??? it’s gonna be the end of me- my god. anyways, enjoy <3

You were at Molly’s, nursing your third glass of wine for the night, hoping to forget about the terrible shift you just had.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. It was supposed to be a quick in and out, but the universe had different plans. Thinking back, you start wondering what had gone wrong.

Truck and Ambo were called to a small fire at a local café. At first, it seemed like a minor incident, just burnt toast that had accidentally caught fire. What you hadn't realized, though, was that one of the stoves had been left on accidentally, causing gas to slowly leak out.

Upon arrival, your Lieutenant, Matt Casey, instructed Otis and you to escort everyone from the sitting area. Fortunately, there were only a few customers that day, making your job easier.

As you began ushering everyone out, a mother approached you and expressed concern that her six-year-old daughter was still inside. You asked Otis to stay with her before assuring her that you would locate her daughter.

Once the building was evacuated and Herrmann was preparing to hose down the kitchen, you radioed in about the missing girl and announced that you were going back inside to find her. Casey advised you to hurry up before the situation escalated making you nod and rush in.

Heading back in, you immediately began searching for the little girl. You called out to her, but there was no response. After checking the bathroom, you noticed her unconscious form lying under the sink. Your heart sank. You quickly checked her pulse and realized how faint it was. You removed your mask and placed it on her, hoping it would help her breathe. Once the mask was on, you swiftly picked her up and hurried towards the exit.

Passing by the kitchen, you didn't notice how the stove was on. You should have. You don't know how you didn't. It was your job to notice these things but you were in such a rush that it slipped your eye. The realization only dawned on you when you heard Herrmann yelling for everyone to exit the area because of leaking gas and by then, the explosion had already occurred.

The impact sent you stumbling backward, causing you to tumble to the ground with the girl in your arms. Casey’s voice crackled through the radio, but the ringing in your ears muffled the words. You couldn't seem to stop coughing and your head was throbbing making your vision start to blur. You felt yourself succumbing to the darkness, but you fought to regain your composure and struggled to stand up.

Once the initial shock had worn off, you quickly got up and made it to the exit, disregarding your injuries, only concerned about passing the girl off to Gabby and Shay. They tried their best, you know they did, but the girl was dead before you even got to them. The explosion had killed her. The explosion you should have seen coming.

That six-year-old girl passed away, and it was all your fault.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when you heard the sound of your name. It was Kelly, the Lieutenant of Rescue Squad 3, and one of your closest friends, whom you were currently sleeping with.

A few months ago, after a particularly difficult shift, Severide and you had accidentally ended up spending the night together. Since then, you two agreed to keep it casual— no strings attached, friends with benefits, if you will. Both of you promised to break it off if one of you started to catch feelings and that seemed reasonable to you.

“Rough day?” He asked taking a seat on the barstool beside you.

“Six-year-old kid died in my arms, so I'd say so.” You say looking down at your glass, twirling the liquid around mindlessly.

“Wanna talk about?”

“Nope, but I do want to get out of here. Your place? It’s closer.” You glanced at him, and he caught on to what you meant in an instant; you needed to let out your frustrations.

He nodded as you downed the rest of your wine and you two headed back to his apartment without any further questions.

You woke up the next day with an arm draped over your torso. You didn’t think much of it until you realized whose arm it was.

Shit.

You had never stayed over. You guys had never spent the night together to keep the feelings at bay. This was uncharted territory. So to say this was going to be awkward would be an understatement.

You attempted to quietly pull his arm away without waking him, but as soon as you made contact, you noticed him starting to stir.

“Good morning baby,” he voiced, groggily.

“Morning Kell,” You replied, blushing at the unexpected name.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, referencing the reason you were at the bar in the first place.

“Better.” You replied as you turned to face him. “Thank you.”

He didn't say anything, instead simply pulling you in for a quick kiss, letting you know he was there for you.

After pulling away, you decided it was time to get up. Popping the little bubblle you were in and ending the moment you shared.

“I'm gonna get dressed and head out, I didn't mean to stay over- just got carried away. I know we don't do that so I'll leave, sorry.”

“Y/N wait up-” He says, catching your attention.

“Yeah?” You turn around to look at him.

“I don't mind that you stayed, I know you had a tough day yesterday so it's fine. Make yourself at home sweetheart.”

The nickname caught you off guard once more. It wasn't unusual for him to shower you with praise and call you these names during sex. But afterwards? He'd never spoken to you that way and the sudden change was putting your heart in a whirl.

You sighed trying to regain your composure. “Yep, thanks. I'll uhh… I’ll see you at shift.” You brushed him off, smiling.

Since that day, the dynamic between you two has shifted noticeably. Others at the firehouse have started to take note of it as well. He's become more attentive. Making sure he has a meal saved for you when you're too busy to eat, accompanying you home from Molly's when you've had a few drinks, and checking in on you after difficult calls.

It wasn't just him, though. You’ve been overly caring with him too, more than a friend should be. When he discovered he had a half-sister, you stood by him. You supported him in reaching out to her. And when she was going through a rough patch after her kidnapping? You were the one on the phone talking her down when she made the decision to move to Colorado.

After all your help, his mother even invited you to her house as a token of gratitude. You never intended to become so involved with him and his family, it changed how you saw him.

You heard the rumors, you knew he was a player— a womanizer who didn't care about anything except his pleasure. But witnessing his interactions with his family alongside the kindness he's been treating you with recently? It was coming to be harder and harder to view him as selfish and uncaring.

The line between friends and lovers was becoming increasingly blurry. Yet you were still trying your hardest to avoid the development of feelings because you knew once you crossed that threshold, there was no going back.

You were walking towards the kitchen when you caught Casey and Severide engaging in conversation by the coffee pot.

You didn't mean to eavesdrop but hearing your name leave Matt’s lips made you stop dead in your tracks.

“What's going on between you and her?” He asked.

“Nothing. It’s all casual. She's nothing more than a friend, Case. We're not together.” Kelly replied, a little too firmly.

Ouch.

You knew nothing was going on between the two of you but hearing that coming from him? It hurt more than you'd like to admit.

You imagined sharing an apartment, perhaps a year or so from now and spending the coming years wrapped in each other's arms, building a family. You chuckled to yourself at the fact that you even thought that was a possibility at some point. Realizing now how naive it was to believe he would ever view you as anything more than a fuckbuddy. Oh, how you loved being stupid.

You spent the rest of the shift avoiding him. It wasn't fair to him; after all, he didn't know you had overheard. Your feelings were your problem, and it wasn't right to act as though he were responsible. Yet, facing him felt impossible without making a fool of yourself.

You found yourself at Molly’s again. Downing shot after shot. You knew you were way past your limit but the lack of Kelly Severide-related thoughts in your brain was encouraging you to continue.

It had gotten to the point where you noticed Herrmann giving you shots of water instead but you were too far gone to care.

You were about to request another real shot when you felt a presence next to you. You turned your head to the side and saw the one person you were trying to forget about.

Lieutenant Kelly Severide.

“You've been avoiding me.” He said, less of a question and more of a statement, keeping his eyes on you.

You hated how small he made you feel, like he could read you in just one glance. His intense gaze made you look away before trying to find Herrmann. “I have not. Now excuse me, I was about to order another drink.”

“You don't need another one.” He said, grabbing your shoulders and turning you back around to face him.

“What are you? My boyfriend? We’re just friends Severide, you don't get to make that decision for me.” You wouldn't have usually been that snarky but the alcohol in your system was giving you courage you didn't know you had.

He was taken aback by your response, you were never like this with him. It was worrying him.

He tried to help you stand up, “Y/N c’mon let's get you home.”

You reluctantly agreed. You knew you were going to regret this in the morning but at the moment, you didn't care. He started walking you towards the exit when you pulled yourself away from him and spoke up, “I don't need a babysitter. I can walk by myself.”

“If you actually think I'm letting you walk home, drunk and alone at this time of night, then you're crazy.” He replied casually while walking beside you.

You stopped abruptly and sighed, looking down. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?” He questioned, placing his finger under your chin bringing your face up to meet his.

“Why do you act like you care?” You clarified, holding his stare, pretending his touch wasn't erupting fireworks in your stomach.

“I do care! I care more about you than you realize Y/N.” He said a bit too loudly, raising his hands in exaggeration.

“You're not supposed to!” You shouted back.

“Why not? Is it such a crime to care about my friend?” He replied, exasperated and upset.

There it was. The dreaded ‘friend.’ You knew it was coming. So why did it still shock you?

“I- I can't do this Kelly- I'll just call a cab to take me home, you don't need to walk me. Forget anything happened.” You said turning around, ignoring his objections, calling your name.

You spent your days off moping around. Kelly had called you multiple times and left countless messages, but you couldn't bring yourself to respond. You knew you were being childish, but it didn't matter. The thought of going back to work and having to face him filled you with dread but that was a problem for later. Right now, you have errands to run.

While you were getting dressed, you absentmindedly opened the drawer meant for Kelly. You couldn't avoid him, he seemed to be everywhere you looked. Your phone, your workplace, and now, your dresser.

You sighed. The fact that you two had separate drawers designated for one another at each other's homes, slipping your mind completely. Is that something friends with benefits did? Did they keep clothes at the other’s place to ‘make it easier for them to get dressed?’

Your thoughts were cut short when you heard a knock at your door. You weren't expecting anyone but opened the door regardless not guessing who you’d see on the other side.

You found yourself face-to-face with none other than the man who had been plaguing your thoughts nonstop. However, after avoiding him for so long, you didn't know what to say or how to act. You felt like you’d never been in such close proximity with him before, it was suffocating. So you simply stood there until he eventually spoke.

“We need to talk.” He stated simply.

“What's there to talk about?” You asked, avoiding his eyes.

“This. Us.” He said, motioning between the two of you.

You finally took a good look at him, you noticed the heavy bags under his eyes and the weary slump of his shoulders. It was clear that he was utterly exhausted, as if he hadn't slept at all in the last few days. And the simple thought of the reason for his exhaustion being you, made you feel terrible.

“Severide-” You couldn’t let this drag on for any longer without hating yourself, so you took a deep breath and continued, “I think we should end this arrangement that we have.”

“What?” He furrowed his brows.

“We agreed that once one of us starts catching feelings, we'd end it. So let's end it before it gets messy and hurts either of us more than it should.” You tried closing the door once you were done speaking but he quickly squeezed himself in, preventing your attempts at pushing him away.

“What are you doing?” You asked following him into your apartment.

“That's not fair!” He exclaims, “You don't get to ignore me for days and then just end our relationship and shut me out.”

“This was hardly a relationship.” You scoff, “But, what did you want me to do Kelly!?” You matched his volume, watching as he paced in the middle of your living room.

“I don't know, maybe talk to me about how you're feeling!” He said, tone dripping with sarcasm while glaring at you. If looks could kill, you'd be six feet under right about now.

“Oh, that's really mature coming from you! Mr. Expert at communication.” You replied with just as much pettiness as you could muster, stepping closer to him to prove a point.

He stood silent for a moment before taking a deep breath and approaching you, “Maybe you're right, maybe we do need to end this thing we have. I just thought we cared about us enough to at least talk it out.”

The two of you now stood face to face, your breaths labored and eyes locked in an unbreakable gaze. Silence enveloped the space between you, the tension so thick that it felt tangible like it could be sliced through with a knife.

“I’m sorry.” You said quietly. “I shouldn't have ignored you and I also shouldn't have just sprung that on you.”

Once you noticed he was letting you continue, you went on, “I just realized that I couldn't be as ‘casual’ about our relationship as you are anymore. I tried to hold my tongue and ignore the feelings I have for you, but it was getting harder Kelly. Nothing about our deal has been casual for weeks now and it was starting to affect me.” You finally let out.

He took in your words, shaking his head. “It hasn't been casual for me either Y/N. I love you, and have for a very long time.”

The force of his words hit you like a physical blow. Love? How did he claim to love you when he had not only never hinted at such feelings before but also dismissed Casey when he asked about it? You were confused and it was evident on your face with the way you looked at him, shell-shocked.

“You love me? But you told Casey that there was nothing going on between us and-”

You were quickly cut off by his hands on your face, pulling you in. The intensity of his lips against yours short-circuited your entire being. It took a moment for your brain to register what was happening, but soon you found yourself reciprocating his kiss.

While you and he had shared kisses in the past, this one was different. It wasn't hurried like your usual kisses but instead filled with a deep sense of passion, tender and slow, and brimming with love and adoration for one another.

He placed his hands gently on your waist, drawing you closer, deepening the kiss. You raised your arms, threading your fingers through his hair, feeling the slight tug as you did. It was as if your lips were pulled together by an irresistible force, making it difficult to part.

You wanted time to freeze in that beautiful moment so you could stay in it forever. You wished to remain embraced by him indefinitely. His touch was tender and affectionate, brimming with care. It felt as though both of you had shed all your worries and were completely immersed in the love surrounding you.

You tentatively ended the kiss and gazed into his eyes, which stemmed a love you had never felt from him before. For the first time, they didn't overwhelm you or make you feel small; instead, they enveloped you in a sense of comfort. And in that fleeting beat, his eyes spoke volumes even when his words remained silent.

“I love you too.” You said, sharing his sentiment, causing a grin to emit on both of your faces.

You felt like a teenager who was experiencing love for the first ever time; and you wouldn't want it any other way.

[dutifullylazybread]

What are your Rolan headcanons?

Apologies for the late response! My brain gave me an Error 404 notification, and I sat there for a moment like... What are my Rolan headcanons?! But then I thought on it, and I definitely have a few! Romantic and NSFW are under the cut!

SFW

Rolan can't actually sleep without some form of light. Prior to Elturel's Descent, there was this glowing orb that hung over their city that they called The Companion. Before they learned the real reason for its existence (which I will not spoil here), it was this entity that shed light over the city 24/7, and that light extended out in a 50 mile radius. So people born in Elturel were used to sleeping with the Companion overhead at all times, whereas visitors would use light-canceling curtains so that they could sleep (inns would offer these). This is my long way of saying that Rolan can't actually sleep if there isn't a light source going in the room. If it's the fireplace, it can die down throughout the night, but it must be going when he falls asleep.

I think that he drinks wine and has a deeper appreciation for it because of the Descent. All food in Avernus tastes terrible--even the rations that you brought with you. In the "Descent Into Avernus" module, the text makes a point to say that wine tastes like spoiled milk in Avernus. So I think that, for Rolan, he savors the taste of wine in particular. Sometimes to the point of excess.

Whatever he overindulged in at the Last Light Inn, he now hates. For no reason whatsoever, I think he went too hard at Plum Fizz, threw it up, and now he can't even stand to look at it. I don't want to say that the same is the case for Arabellan Dry, but there is at least one drink that he overindulged in that now turns his stomach.

He is a very light sleeper. Zariel had a skeleton crew of devils that would skulk the streets of Elturel and torment its inhabitants. If Rolan was a heavy sleeper before, after having the devils pass his family's home with such regularity put him on edge, because they could never guarantee that the devils wouldn't break into their home. Now, even the slightest noise can wake him.

I think that a devil offered him a deal in Avernus. Likely, it would have been the power to protect Cal and Lia. I think he was very close to taking it--even more so if their mother was dead at this point. I think he ultimately did not take it, and I think Lia and Cal yelled at him if they found out he was considering a deal in the first place.

This man 100% tried to brave Avernus' terrain to find a way to keep his siblings safe. The problem with Avernus is that the terrain is ever changing. Per the "Descent into Avernus" module, going to Fort Knucklebone might be ten miles. Going BACK from Fort Knucklebone might be sixty miles instead. I don't know if he gave up and went home of his own accord or if the party of heroes who helps Elturel help him get home. Either way, he views it as a failing on his part.

After their mother was killed, I think Rolan experienced a serious amount of survivor's guilt. This makes it so he is even more protective of Cal and Lia. Nothing else matters but keeping them alive. Hence why he is so deep in his cups when you find him at Last Light--he feels that he broke the promise that he made to their mother. He failed to protect his family. The ONE promise he wanted to keep, no matter what.

He wrote to Lorroakan, desperate for an apprenticeship, because the other Elturel Refugees were also heading to Baldur's Gate. However, refugees from Elturel were being actively blocked from entering the city. I definitely think he believed that Lorroakan was talented if he could lay claim to Ramazith's tower, but I also think that he wanted to make sure that he, Cal, and Lia all had a home when they got there. I think that he was willing to put up with a lot if it meant that his siblings were safe. So, in a sense, this was an apprenticeship of convenience, but I also think he did believe that a wizard who presided over Ramazith's tower would likely be a talented one.

I think that Lorroakan likely took credit for one or two of Rolan's arcane discoveries.

This man is vain. Everything about his appearance says "immaculate." Does he find a smudge on his sleeve? Prestidigitation. Is there a tear along a seam? Mending. Hair out of place? He'll be back in ten minutes--he just needs to get everything in order.

He is always thinking about how he can make a spell into an experience that Cal and Lia can enjoy. Not just prestidigiation, but also minor illusion. I wouldn't put it past him to learn Control Weather so that if they're too hot, he can cool them down. Are they disappointed that the snow disappeared too soon? Well, he has just the answer.

He is overprotective. To a fault.

While he genuinely believes it when he claims to be "the handsome master of Ramazith's Tower," or argues that he is talented, I think he started saying these things so that he could convince himself first. If he was abandoned by his birth parents, that no doubt took a toll on him. So he is very fond of positive self-talk.

Romantic

He might not always know how to verbalize his feelings, but he does demonstrate them in other ways.

Your favorite food? He learns how to make it. And he always has the ingredients on hand.

You mention offhandedly what your favorite drink is? He has at least three tins/bottles of it on hand.

If you want to make him short-circuit, wear socks that don't match.

He'll say he isn't a cuddler. He is a liar. He'll claim that the extra pillows and blankets lying around are there for your comfort, which is true, but he is also the one who is primed and ready to tuck them around you and him and read for hours on end.

Also, he loves spending time with you doing different things in the same room. He doesn't think he gets lonely since he is so used to studying on his own, but when you start sitting next to him or settling into place on a nearby couch while he works, he realizes what was missing.

He is the king of longing stares from across the room.

Will short circuit if you sit on his lap and kiss his neck (can't say more in the SFW section!)

Will cling to you when you sleep in the same bed. You honestly don't need much in the way of blankets because of the heat he puts off.

NSFW

Oh ho ho ho. I have so many and so few at the same time!!

Will bite you if you ask (and will fantasize if you don't), but he loves the idea of marking you as his, so he wants to do nothing but give you lovebites.

Personally, I think he is a switch. He can go from being the best service top in the world to being the one in need of a lot of physical affection and care. He struggles to actually verbalize what he needs, but if you can pick up on his cues, you can very much so tell whether he needs you to take the lead. From there, it's a matter of suggesting something and seeing if he is game.

That being said, he will not hesitate to bend you over a desk or take you against a bookshelf.

I don't think Rolan is a virgin (let's be real, if he has so many fans outside of a D&D setting, he definitely had a few who were attracted to him in Elturel). But he has always been very focused on taking care of his family or his studies, and I don't think he was ready for a serious relationship until after settling into the tower.

That being said, while he isn't a virgin, he also isn't well-versed in different sexy time fun things.

THAT BEING SAID, if you float an idea to him, he's going to consider it. And, so long as he is comfortable, he's down to try it too.

And once you and him start having sex on the regular, he starts to see the real potential that spells can have. Mage hand is an easy one... but what about enlarge person?

Get him worked up enough, and he will absolutely decide to fuck you in every single room of the tower (Cal's and Lia's excluded)

100% uses his tail. I shall say no more.

Your moans will make him short circuit. It takes EVERYTHING for him not to come when you moan.

Your moans, or your squeals, are also enough to get him hard. Expect him to start acting a little... needy after you make a noise like that.

King of morning sex. I shall say no more.

Loves when you go down on him. And if you moan around his cock? He's a goner.

If you blow him under his desk? He will never be able to sit at that desk again... not without going full mast.

If he's working and you whisper something lewd in his ear before walking off, he is either going to abandon his studies and want to take you up on your suggestion or he's going to sit there and stew. Either way, you have a blushing mess of a wizard on your hands.

[virtualreader]

broken hearts and healing souls

deanwinchesterxfem!reader

summary: carrying the ruins of the broken heart the death of his father had left behind, Dean pushes you away, fearing hurting you as well. or perhaps he’s just scared of being hurt himself, one more time.

word count: 3,3k. (does not include lyrics)

warnings: alleged age gap, fierce anger, heated argument, drinking out of spite, supressed feelings, cursing, yelling, not the happiest end, and lots and lots of angst.

part 2

a/n: i started watching supernatural about a month ago and I'm loving it so far. and god, i couldn't help but fall truly, madly, deeply in love with dean winchester. this scenario came to my mind while listening someone to stay - vancouver sleep clinic, so this one shot is based on this song. feedback is always appreciated. please, comment if you think I should write a part 2 to this one!

"You can't boss me around, Dean! I'm not a child anymore!" you barked at the hunter standing by the motel room's door.

"I can't? Watch me!" Dean retorted, breathing heavily and extending his arms upward to appear bigger. "As the eldest here, it's my call to make the hard decisions. And I've decided that you won't come on any more hunts, end of story. You're risking your life out there—it's dangerous, y/n. What's not clear about that?!"

You and Dean had been arguing for a while. He came into the motel room the three of you—Sam, Dean and yourself—were forced to share, stringently declaring you were not allowed to go with them on hunts anymore.

After the previous mission ended with you being kidnapped by the demon you were after and tied to a chair in an old building's basement, the oldest brother wasted no time in making a decision. Despite your eagerness to rid the world of evil, Dean prioritized your safety, even if you didn't see it that way.

Dean Winchester was an undaunted and confident man, he had been since his mother died, he had to be, for his family's sake, for his own sake. Yet, when it came to you, potential bad outcomes constantly assaulted his mind. He could not afford to lose another loved one, so he did not take a gamble.

"It is my life that I am endangering, so I strongly believe that I get to choose whether I want to expose myself to hunting hazards or not. You are not my dad and cannot give me orders, Winchester!" you declared, raising your voice with anger and trembling as you pointed your index finger at him.

You were hurt and confused. Hunting had been your life for as long as you could remember and now he was taking that away from you. You tried to plead your case, but he had already made up his mind.

In response to your defiance, Dean raised his chin, pursed his lips, and clenched his jaw. Yet, even in his anger, he maintained steady eye contact with you. It was clear he was not going to back down easily.

“You don’t get it, do you?” he queried exasperated. “That demon back there, could have killed you, and you know that. This is not some inoffensive deer we’re going after.”

He was undoubtedly referring to the incident that happened earlier that day, when he was able to free you from the grasp of the demon. It was the same demon that mercilessly took your father’s life, leaving you fatherless at the tender age of twelve and subsequently placed under the care of the Winchesters.

Growing up with them, you learned to navigate the dangerous world of hunting and the supernatural. From hours-long road trips and campfires to cozy movie-evenings and pancake Sundays, your memories with your new family included a wide variety of experiences that left a lasting impact on you.

The bond you formed with the Winchesters was one built on mutual respect and a shared purpose, making them more than just your guardians; they were your family, and you were theirs.

"God, what a pig-headed dude you are," you muttered, oozing frustration, as you let out a peeved sigh. "So you, old man, can risk being killed by these heartless creatures, but I can't? Is it just because I'm younger than you guys? ‘Cause I already told you, I am as much of an adult as you are.”

Clearly, you would not be swayed by Dean's demands. You were your own person, with your own will and your own desires. You were determined to stand up for yourself and live your life on your own terms.

He took a moment to observe your bruised appearance as he pondered his answer. The blood that had previously emerged from the wound above your eyebrow was already dry, while the cut on your lip was still struggling to form a scab.

He noticed the swelling around your left eye, a tell-tale sign of the force of the blow that had landed on your face. And as he looked at you, he could not help but feel responsible for your emaciated state.

"If you're such an adult, you'll be fine on your own. You don't need me, do you?" the hunter sassed back, towering over you, tilting his head and upturning his brows.

Dean's words hurt you deeply, and you felt tears welling up in your eyes. But you refused to let him see you cry. You straightened your back and met his gaze with a fierce determination.

"Do you want me to leave?” you said, your voice shaking a little. “Fine. If that's what you want, I'll leave. But don't expect me to come back."

You walked past him, feeling his eyes on your back. You didn't turn around, didn't give in to the urge to look at him again. You needed to be strong, to show him that you could make it on your own. But deep down, you knew that you didn't want to be alone. You needed Dean, more than you wanted to admit.

"Hey, girl!" you called out to the waitress, raising your voice above the noise of the tavern to get her attention. "Can I get a refill, please?”

You were alone, left out in the cold Clinging to the ruin of your broken home Too lost and hurting to carry your load We all need someone to hold

As you waited for your drink, you couldn't help but replay the argument with Dean in your mind. You felt hurt and betrayed by his words. You were mad at him for not understanding your desire to be by his side, no matter the risks.

You were lost in thought when a voice snapped you out of your reverie.

"Rough night?" inquired a gold-haired man as he took a seat on the adjoining stool.

The man seemed to be a bit younger than Dean, possibly in his mid-twenties, closer to your own age. He wore a white crewneck t-shirt that hugged his muscular arms around the biceps, and his dark slim fit jeans matched the black pattern printed on his shirt's front.

It was difficult to determine whether it was the effect of the second-rate alcohol or your personal taste in men, but it was safe to say he was far from unattractive and he was, in fact, quite handsome.

"You could say so." you answered his question with a touch of apathy but still flashed a slight smile his way.

You've been fighting the memory, all on your own Nothing worsens, nothing grows I know how it feels being by yourself in the rain We all need someone to stay We all need someone to stay

The man took a slow, deliberate sip from his beer bottle and leaned back, his eyes fixed intently on you. His gaze seemed to linger for a moment, as if he were trying to gauge your reaction to what he had just said.

"You know," he said, his voice low and suggestive, "I can make it better for you, pretty."

The words hung in the air between you, heavy with meaning. You felt a flush of heat rise to your cheeks at the man's brazen suggestion, and you couldn't help but feel a little intrigued by his offer.

You glanced around the dimly lit tavern, taking in the smoky air and the clinking of glasses. It was the kind of place where people came to drown their sorrows and forget about the troubles of the day-to-day life. And in that moment, you couldn't help but feel like you were just another lost soul adrift in the sea of humanity.

The man's eyes were still fixed on you, his expression unreadable. He seemed to be waiting for your response, as if he knew that his offer had the power to change the course of your night—or maybe even your life.

You took a deep breath and met his gaze head-on, feeling a sense of daring that you hadn't felt in a long time.

"And how, exactly, do you plan on doing that?" you asked, your voice tinged with a hint of amusement.

The man smiled, a slow, confident grin that sent a shiver down your spine.

"Let's just say that I know a thing or two about making a woman feel good," he replied, his voice dripping with innuendo.

It was abundantly clear what his intentions were at this point in time, and to be entirely candid, it did not annoy you at all.

You eagerly accepted the charming man's alluring offer. And with a sense of anticipation, you followed him out of the sleazy bar, seeking shelter from the gentle patter of the light rain under the protective eaves.

As you walked alongside him, you found yourself captivated by his confident stride and the way his eyes sparkled in the dim light emanating from the street lamps.

You could feel his hand slowly making its way towards your hip, until it rested there, just barely grazing the upper part of your buttocks. This subtle touch sent a sparkling feeling coursing through your body, starting from the core and reaching all the way up to your chest. It created a warm whirlwind of expectancy, causing your heart to beat faster in anticipation.

“Y/n?” a familiar voice asked, a hint of pain in it.

Hear the fallen and lonely, cry out Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope? At the end of the day you were helpless Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?

Dean narrowed his eyes, anguishedly taking in the sight in front of him.

As you stood there, drenched from the rain and your mind clouded by the alcohol, Dean's sudden appearance caught you off guard. He was directly facing you, his eyes locked onto yours, and you could see the pain and anger etched upon his features.

"What the hell are you doing here, y/n?" Dean asked incredulously, his voice laced with anger and hurt. “And who the fuck is that jerk?”

You froze, feeling a wave of guilt wash over you. You had been so caught up in your own emotions that you hadn't even considered how your actions might affect Dean.

You've drunk it down and you've spat it out And nothing tastes like the things you had So tear it off, why don't you let them go? We all need someone to stay We all need someone to stay

"I didn't know she was taken, mate. I didn't mean to meddle in your relationship," the guy standing next to you apologized, his voice trembling as Dean's contempting gaze threatened to pierce his soul. Green eyes—usually a symbol of grace—had never held such a look of hatred. “She’s all yours, mate.”

Once the man marched back into the tavern, with tail between legs, the hunter’s emerald orbs landed on you. And as he beamed down at you, you noticed how much woe his gaze held. He wasn’t someone to let his emotions surface, not at all, that would leave his feelings too exposed, too unguarded.

He didn't seem to mind the rain dribbling over his leather jacket or his well-styled hair as he approached you. Although you had a defiant demeanor, you took a step backward in response, and your back met the wall covered in graffiti.

“Thought you said ‘I’d be fine on my own’.” you tried to sound confident as you quoted him, yet the alcohol running through your veins caused your words to slur together.

"Yeah, I said on your own! Not with some opportunistic macho man!" he said, referring to your previous companion.

He looked at you with a mixture of disbelief and anger, his eyes scanning your face as if he was trying to find some kind of explanation for what he was seeing.

And then, his anger boiled over, and he let out a shout that echoed through the empty streets. "No way. Are you fucking drunk?!" he yelled. "Are you nuts?!"

The force of his outburst hit you like a physical blow, and you could feel your heart racing in your chest. You had never seen Dean like this before, and it was clear that he was at his breaking point.

For a moment, the two of you just stood there, staring at each other in silence, the rain pouring down around you like a curtain. And then, slowly, you began to speak, your words tumbling out of you in a jumbled mess.

"You're one to talk. You, my dear friend, are the very reason I'm here, drinking my sorrows away." you scoffed at him.

Your eyes darted around, looking at anything but Dean. You felt intimidated—what with Dean’s tall figure and the disappointment you could discern in his expression.

“Drinking won’t solve anything, y/n. You know better than this.”

"Do I really?” you uttered, struggling to keep at bay your wobbly lip. “Last time I checked, I was just a kid to you.”

Hear the fallen and lonely, cry out Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope? At the end of the day we're helpless Can you keep me close? Can you love me most? Can you keep me close? Can you love me most? Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?

As the rain continued to fall, the rhythmic clattering of the water drops mixed with the sound of cars cruising over the wet pavement, creating an overwhelming melody.

The droplets seemed to grow in size and force. You welcomed the heavier rain, grateful for the way it obscured the tears that threatened to overflow from your eyes.

You knew that if he saw you crying, he would only see you as weak and immature, even more than he already saw you. You had always been strong and independent, and you didn't want him to think any less of you.

So you stood there, letting the rain soak into your clothes and hair, hoping that it would wash away the pain and sorrow you felt inside.

“I don’t think of you as a kid. I just prefer you staying away from those creatures. You know better than anyone what that demon is capable of. It killed your father, and you could’ve died today too, y/n!”

“Do not act like you care! And do not dare mentioning my dad ever again! You are too self-centered to take others’ needs into account.”

With a trembling voice, you lashed out at Dean, your emotions running high and your patience wearing thin. You couldn't stand the way Dean tried to control your life, always telling you what to do and what not to do.

You had grown up fast in the world of hunting, learning to fend for yourself and to take care of others. You had seen things that most people couldn't even imagine, and you had faced danger and death head-on. You were not some delicate flower that needed to be protected at all costs.

And yet, Dean seemed to think otherwise. He was always trying to shield you from harm, even if it meant keeping you from doing what you loved most.

"Do you even hear yourself, Dean?" you continued, your voice rising with every word. "You act like you're the only one who knows what's best for me. You don't trust me to make my own decisions, although I've been hunting just as long as you have. You're so wrapped up in your own fears and insecurities that you can't see how much you're hurting me."

"You're part of my family now, and as such, I must protect you," Dean declared, helplessness building up inside his chest. "Why do you find it so hard to understand?”

You were alone, left out in the cold Clinging to the ruin of your broken home Hear the falling and lonely, cry out Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope? The end of the day and we're helpless Can you keep me close? Can you love me?

“I-…Just…leave me alone. Please, Dean.”

And it was then when, acting on your most primitive impulses, you took off, walking away from Dean with no determined destination.

It was not that you were afraid of Dean, no, you had spent too many years among the Winchesters to know he would never voluntarily hurt you, at least not physically. You found him sort of intimidating, more like it.

It was well known among the Winchesters' acquaintances that Dean, although not often, could become livid if you pressed the right buttons. And no one would ever want that fatal rage to be directed at them, unless they wanted to know what hell felt like.

However, the emotion the hunter was feeling now was not anger. It was something else, something both mysterious and intriguing. Although his muscles remained tight, his eyes shone with unshed tears, and a pinched expression was plastered on his face.

You fought against the urge to turn back and run into his embrace, to apologize to him and leave this dispute behind. It was a struggle to hold onto your never-so-fragile pride when your love for him had never felt as powerful as it did now. Not since you had first fallen in love with him, at least, back when you were a silly, naive teenager.

A hand grabbed firmly onto your arm, forcing you into a halt. You did not have the courage to turn around and face him with a trail of tears cascading over your cheeks, even if the drizzling rain disguised it somewhat. There was no need for that, however, when he began speaking, not waiting for you to look at him.

"I'm sorry, y/n," he apologized in a small voice, unaccustomed to saying such words. "I didn't mean to push you away. I... I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you. I'm scared, y/n. Scared of losing you like I lost my father, like I lost my mother," Dean confessed, his voice softening, dropping in pitch.

You turned to look at him, really look at him, and saw the pain and fear written in his face.

You felt a lump form in your throat at the raw emotion in Dean's words. You had always known that he cared about you, but you had never realized just how much you meant to him.

"Dean," you said, stepping closer to him and placing a hand on his arm. "I'm not going to die. I'm strong, and I know how to take care of myself. But I need you to trust me. I need you to let me make my own decisions, even if it means taking risks sometimes."

You stopped, taking a big deep breath before continuing.

“What you said back at the motel, it hurt me, a lot. I have nothing left, Dean. My family is dead, I have no place to stay, no job, no nothing. I’ve lost everything.”

“You have me.” He took a step towards you, getting closer, and caressed your feathery cheek with his large hand. “You always have and always will have me.”

Hear the fallen and lonely, cry out Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope? At the end of the day we're helpless Can you keep me close? Can you love me most? Can you keep me close? Can you love me most? Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?

Dean wiped away a tear from your cheek, his thumb tracing your skin softly. "I'm sorry for pushing you away, y/n. I was just so afraid of losing you. But I promise, from now on, I'll trust you to make your own decisions. We'll face everything together, as a team."

A turmoil of heartfelt emotions whirled its way down to your very core as Dean's words sank in. And, as you looked up at him, you saw the love and devotion in his eyes, and you felt grateful like never before to the Winchesters for taking you in.

Seizing the proximity, you took a moment to admire him. The softness on his eyes only adding to his already perfectly alluring features. The green orbs standing out his face had never shone as bright, and his nose glowed as red as his eyes, probably from the cold air of the drizzly night.

Yet the part you spent the longest time observing was his lips. Sultry pouty lips, that rested slightly parted.

And as if in a dream, he leaned in intertwining his lips with yours in a genuine kiss. Sliding the hand that previously laid on your cheek to the back of your neck, bringing you nearer to his own body.

His grip was both firm and steady, but no less gentle, just so as if he never wanted to let go of you. Your movements kept in step with each other's, as your mouths melted in a much-needed dance.

None of you cared about the rain soaking your clothes or the idling engine of the precious impala of Dean’s, nor about the small crowd by the tavern’s entrance looking at you. You were in a deep immersion into the depths of the moment, and all you saw, all you could regard was the man in front of you - the man you’ve always loved.

The idyllic moment was short-lived, much to your dismay, as Dean pulled away and apprehensively took a step backwards. But the pain you felt then was nothing compared to the stabbing sensation in your heart when he opened his mouth to speak again.

"I'm sorry. This was a mistake."

part 2

[jackles010378]

F**kin Perfect

Deans had enough of y/n putting herself down all the time, so he finds a very public way of telling her just how f**kin perfect she is in his eyes 💚

Dean Winchester x y/n

Y/n had always been aware that she looked different from other girls. Her curves, which she had inherited from her mother, were more pronounced. While some may consider this a blessing, she couldn't help but feel insecure about her body. Society's standards of beauty had been etched into her mind, leaving her constantly comparing herself to others.

Dean Winchester, her best friend, had always supported her. He loved her just the way she was and often tried to boost her self-confidence. But Y/n's constant self-deprecating comments about her body were beginning to wear on him.

One evening after hearing Y/n make yet another jab at herself whilst she was trying on outfit after outfit to wear to Sam and Eileen's engagement party, Dean couldn't take it anymore.

As they made it to the bar for the party he could see y/n fidgeting in the dress she had picked out. He could see her pulling it down to try and hide her thighs, he could see her trying to pull the sleeves further down her arms. He could see her trying to hide herself in the corner from everyone in the darkest part of the room. Dean sighed and decided he was going to do something, he was going to confront her. It leading to a heated argument about her appearance.

"Y/n, why do you insist on putting yourself down all the time?" Dean's frustration was evident in his voice. "You're beautiful, and it kills me to see you tear yourself apart like this."

Y/n looked at him, tears welling up in her eyes. "But Dean, I don't look like other girls. I don't fit into society's idea of what's attractive. I feel like I'll never be enough."

Dean's heart ached as he listened to her. He took a step closer, his voice softer, "Y/n, beauty has so many different forms. It's not about fitting into some mold. It's about being comfortable in your own skin. And trust me, you are more than enough."

Y/n's tears fell, her voice choked with emotion, "I wish I could see myself the way you see me, Dean." Dean sighed and looked around the room till his eyes landed on the stage in the centre of the bar. A small smirk played across his lips as he walked towards the dj and whispered something in his ear.

Dean tapped the mic a few times to grab everyone's attention, mainly y/n as he spoke. "OK guys, I just wanna say how happy I am you all could make it to celebrate the engagement of Eileen and Sammy, Eileen your gonna need alot of shampoo and conditioner because Sammy here uses a helluva lot" that earned a few laughs and a roll of eye from Sam.

When everyone thought Dean was finished he continued "now I don't do this very often, mainly only when I'm in my baby cruising down the highway or maybe when I'm in the shower. But I wanna sing a song for you all, mainly for one person in particular. I wanna let her now that she is amazing, beautiful and just perfect, just the way she is..........."

With that Dean nodded to the dj and the song started to play...

Made a wrong turn, once or twice

Dug my way out, blood and fire

Bad decisions, that's alright

Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood

Miss knowing it's all good, it didn't slow me down

Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated

Look, I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel

Like you're less than fuckin' perfect

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing

You're fuckin' perfect to me

You're so mean,

When you talk,

About yourself, you were wrong

Change the voices,

In your head,

Make them like you instead

So complicated, look happy, you'll make it

Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game

It's enough, I've done all I can think of

Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same, oh

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel

Like you're less than fuckin' perfect

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing

You're fuckin' perfect to me

The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear

The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer

So cool in line, and we try, try, try

But we try too hard and it's a waste of my time

Done looking for the critics 'cause they're everywhere

They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair

Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time

Why do we do that, why do I do that?

Why do I do that?

Yeah, oh, oh pretty, pretty please

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel

Like you're less than fuckin' perfect

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing

You're fuckin' perfect to me, yeah

You're perfect, you're perfect

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing

You're fuckin' perfect to me

Dean jumped off the stage after he finished singing and made a bee line for y/n who was still in tears and still hiding in the dark corner.

Dean gently cupped her face, his thumb wiping away her tears. He leaned in, his lips gently brushing against hers.

Y/n's breath caught as Dean's kiss enveloped her, melting away her insecurities. In that moment, their argument dissolved, and an intense passion ignited between them. The power of their connection was more than either of them could resist.

As they kissed, the weight of their emotions cascaded into a torrent of desire. Every touch was a declaration, every caress a promise. In that intimate moment, Y/n felt a surge of self-acceptance and love.

Their lips only broke apart when the need for air became undeniable, but their souls remained intertwined. They gazed at each other blocking out everyone and everything, realizing that this passionate exchange had opened a new chapter in their relationship.

Dean gently brushed a strand of hair behind Y/n's ear, his voice filled with sincerity, "You're fuckin perfect just the way you are, Y/n. Never forget that. And if you need a reminder, know that I'll always be there to show you."

Y/n smiled, the weight of her insecurities lifting a little bit "Thank you, Dean. I can't believe you got up there, just to sing that to me" her head dipped the next words struggling to find their way out "I love you."

Dean smiled back, his eyes twinkling. "I love you too, Y/n. And together, we'll face any challenge, including those aimed at your beautiful curves."

From that day forward, Y/n embarked on a journey of self-love and acceptance, supported by the unwavering love of Dean Winchester. Their passionate makeout session had become the turning point that transformed not only Y/n's perception of herself but also their friendship into something deeper and more profound.

Been a minute since I wrote something, I heard this song and thought of Dean 😂 hope you guys enjoyed it 🥰

I could totally see Dean rocking out to p!nk on the sly 😂🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻

TAGLIST: @happyfurylight @k-slla @cevansbaby-dove @kaleldobrev @janineb86 @deans-daydream @alternativeprincess94 @angelbabyyy99 @cheynovak @winchesterwild78 @suckitands33

[riveroftales]

😗Ummm…. Do you think you could do a little Drabble or some HCs about Genya with a mom figure? Like, maybe Himejima gets married and his wife meets Genya and is determined to give him a stable family and a good female role model. Like sure he totally ignores or is embarrassed by her at first but then she makes him food or cuts up watermelon for him 🥺 Maybe he eventually opens up to the “mom” and she tries to help him untangle all his teenage anger. MY POOR BOY NEEDS A FAMILY AND HIMEJIMA CANT DO IT ALONE. (Also pls feel free to ignore if you don’t like the prompt. Tysm I love your writing and the blind Genya AU kills me in the best way possible)

➳ ғᴀᴍɪʟʏ

𝖢𝖢'��� 𝖭𝗈𝗍𝖾: AHHH IM SO SORRY FOR BEING INACTIVE MY EXAMS LITERALLY START THIS THURSDAY AND IVE BEEN CRYING BECAUSE OF IT🥹

Himejima was like a father to Genya. His father was an asshole, so having a good role model made Genya adore him so much more.

He loved his mother. His mother was gentle, smiled a lot and despite being weak, she was able to protect.

He didn’t have anyone in his life to replace his mother and he wanted to keep it that way. That is, until Himejima got married.

Genya was beyond happy that Himejima got the chance to fall in love with someone who loved him and who he loved back, but he didn’t know how to approach the new addition to their tiny family of two.

The poor boy’s cheeks would always flare up intensely whenever he saw you. At first, you thought he genuinely liked you which led you to reject him politely during the hashira training one day in front of everyone else.

It was after Genya passed out from embarrassment when Tanjiro told you Genya just got nervous around every girl whether he liked them or not.

Genya was basically your son, so you had a mission to get him to think of you as a mother.

Even though he ignored you at most times, you managed to talk to him even if he didn’t respond. You opened up about everything and told tales of your past.

You ruffled his hair often with a soft smile before you always went up to your husband to kiss his large hand since he was far too tall for you to kiss his cheek.

Genya stayed up late often to train, so you also started staying up to make him little snacks occasionally.

You would call his name and give him a small plate of a few pieces of onigiri and smile when you see his eyes light up as he ate. Your favourite part was occasionally surprising him with another small plate of watermelon cut into adorable shapes.

You really babied him a lot. He was a huge kid, but you couldn’t help it. Genya was like a shy tiger.

The kid occasionally started warming up to you and he started initiating conversations. He could see the way your eyes lit up every time he made effort into your relationship.

You often say together with the three of them, showing them how to make some of your dishes. Himejima would help with the cutting and washing, while you guided Genya with the cooking.

You cried for the first time in years in your husband’s arms after Genya had left for a mission and he had said, “Bye, mom! I’ll be back soon! Please make a lot of food for me when I get back!”

You obeyed your baby’s request. How could you not? You loved seeing the hidden joy in his face whenever you fed him some food directly. Himejima smiled to himself when he heard the laughter his newfound family let out. He was beyond thankful to the gods above that he was alive to experience something so precious.

Genya soon realised that you weren’t his mother. You were never his mother, and you would never be his mother, but he would love you the same. He loved his mother, but he also loved you. His mother taught him how to love because it was all she could teach before she passed, while you helped teach him the rest.

You were there to hold him when he cried in your shoulders on the day his older brother nearly blinded him. You didn’t judge him for eating demons. You didn’t look down at him when he confessed he couldn’t use breathing forms.

You were there for everything. You were there during both Genya’s and Himejima’s sparring sessions, you were there to cook for your family, you were there to listen, you were there to love them. You were even there when Himejima had to leave abruptly to the demon amuse headquarters after an emergency meeting was announced. You were there when you saw Genya fall in the trapdoors on the floor which appeared so suddenly because you didn’t have a good feeling of leaving him alone, making you run up to his training ground to retrieve your son.

You ran as fast as you could when your husband’s kasugai crow led you to where the big battle was happening, only reaching during daybreak.

You felt your heart drop and tears sting your eyes when you saw corpses everywhere, but the sight of your unmoving husband was the only thing you were focused on.

The kakushi had to hold you back even when you screamed at the top of your lungs, yelling at Himejima to open his eyes.

You choked on your tears when you asked about Genya, your son. You knew he was also gone from the silence you received.

You couldn’t even cry anymore. Your eyes just closed before you passed out.

You woke up with a message from Sanemi that Genya had turned into ashes. Your little boy didn’t have a body to bury, meaning he’ll never have a proper funeral.

You folded Genya’s clothes really neatly and placed it in your dead husband’s arms as he laid so beautifully in the casket. You placed your son’s gun on top of his uniform, unable to watch the burial since tears were blurring your vision.

You woke up the next day, wishing you could feel the weight of Genya’s leg over your stomach as he slept in the most atrocious position ever while Himejima’s arms refused to let you go even in sleep one last time.

[m3r1m4r5u333]

Yk, I've been thinking of Eddie's traumas and rather obvious Compulsory Heterosexuality-settings, and how it's influencing his life choices. How it's stopping buddie from happening.

I think where Eddie is at, mentally... Is a sort of in-between place between denial and acceptance. I think he knows he isn't straight. I think he may even have an idea of his feelings for Buck.

I think he also thinks that none of it matters. Cannot matter.

Not necessarily due to internalized homophobia. Don't get me wrong, I think there's also some of that going on - his upbringing was obviously quite traditional. I think he feels like being anything other than straight has never been an option, not for him. There's this expectation to be a catholic macho man, to marry a woman, to bring in the bread instead of really being someone who is solely responsible for parenting.

Even though he has queer friends, I think that he looks at them from the outside thinking "Good for them. I support them. I love them. That can't be my life though. I don't have that option."

This feeling of "not an option", I think, has been sort of... Where Eddie has drifted by no choice, and now he cannot imagine changing course.

It's about Chris and about Eddie's traumas. It started with Chris. He and Shannon were very young and the pregnancy was an accident. Eddie's upbringing was all about "be a man!" so Eddie tried to be a man. Take responsibility. He proposed to Shannon, tried to step into those big man shoes. It was hard. He struggled. Ran.

His desperate attempt to escape was another one that veered him more and more towards those "must be straight" settings.

He enlisted in the army, went to a warzone. That environment... Obviously further enforced these macho man settings. Must fit in.

Then, the traumas. Losing his army friends. Losing Shannon. Grief.

I think these events had a hugely repressive impact on Eddie. He'd loved these people, they were some of the closest human bonds he had. And then they were just... Gone. No warning. All of them young. Dead. Just like that.

I think these repeated sudden losses made him terrified of forming new bonds. You could not trust them to stay.

So it was safer to avoid getting close to anyone like that again. Love terrified him now, getting invested in anyone terrified him.

Obviously, he could not stop himself from loving Chris. In fact, Chris was now his entire focus.

And Eddie was scared. He needed to do this right, to be a good dad. Make sure that Chris had a good, stable childhood and would grow up to be a stable, happy adult.

But there were already so many things that were going against that - Chris thriving.

Chris was born with special needs. Eddie had freaked out and abandoned him. Then he'd returned... And Shannon had abandoned Chris. Then Eddie had uprooted them by moving. Then Christopher's mother died. And the only parent he had left was Eddie, with a job that could kill him any day.

So many earthshakes already in Christopher's life.

So it was essential that nothing else would make his childhood any harder.

Now, how could Eddie make sure that Christopher had a normal life? By finding Christopher a new mother figure. Obviously.

Because what Eddie needed... It wasn't important. All that mattered was Chris. Stepmother would provide stability.

If the idea of a relationship with a man ever entered Eddie's mind? Not an option.

It might make Christopher's life more difficult. It might be hard for Chris. What if people picked on him for having two dads? Unacceptable idea. He couldn't add more hardship to his son's life.

So a relationship with a man... Was not an option for Eddie. Could not be.

And anyway, Eddie did not even want to be with anyone he could love.

Love was terrifying. Love... You couldn't trust it. Love abandoned you. Love meant grief.

So... Even if there was someone in Eddie's life that he was drawn to? Buck.

Must suppress the idea. Ignore it. Not an option.

In so many ways. Buck was a man. Straight. Had a dangerous job. Buck could die any day.

Eddie had already almost seen it happen.

So the idea of getting any more closer to Buck was a terrifying one.

And anyway, not even an option. Buck dated women. Buck was straight.

.....

So. This is what I think Eddie's mind looks like... So far.

This is also why I'm so fucking excited about Buck dating a man and coming out!!!

I think this will be the perfect trigger for eventually turning buddie into a canon couple.

Buck coming out and dating a man will make Eddie see that hey... Christopher would be perfectly capable handling the potential stress of growing up with two dads.

We already know that Chris adores Buck. He's also super impressed with Tommy. They're his heroes, Buck is one of his favorite, closest people.

And Chris has grown up around queer people!! Hen, Karen. Their rainbow family. Which is doing perfectly fine.

I think Eddie needs to see and realise that. He needs to see Chris hanging out with out and proud queer men whom he idolizes.

Eddie also needs to see Buck with a man. And realise that the idea of him and Buck ISN'T an impossible, sad fever dream... Because turns out that there's potential. Buck isn't straight!! Buck dates men. Eddie could date men, too...

And Eddie needs to realise that he cannot avoid pain by trying to keep his distance. Pining for Buck, seeing him with another man, will be torture as well.

Also, Buck won't quit his dangerous job. Eddie won't quit his dangerous job. That won't change no matter what their relationship is like.

So there really is no good reason to not make that leap, and pursue Buck if there is any chance that the feelings might be mutual. If Buck is single again.

And yes. It's scary. He might still lose Buck any day... But life is short. And being just Buck's friend would not halt the grief... How could it? Eddie already loves him.

[pearlsinmyhair]

₊ ⊹ the price of the name.

synopsis: reader has had a hard life, and now she’s an orphan. but someone just as lonely comes into her life to take her under his wing.

warnings: death. suicidal thoughts. grief. angst. miguel being a hardass. cursing/adult language.

notes: ok, here we go. the last part. star girl kisses hobie on the cheek, and they have some romantic implications. HOWEVER. i did not write them to be romantic. i just see hobie as a very physically affectionate person (especially since i’m this way.)

part i | part ii | part iii | part iv

word count: 2.6k

part v : void

　　　.   　　˚　　 　　*　　 　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚

cursed daughter,

uttering insanities no one believes,

do you regret taking the vow?

“you die.”

it felt like the ground was dropping out from under you, like the void had somehow traveled from your dead universe to this one to drag you down where you belonged.

in the grave. in the ground. gone.

you were staring at lyla. or maybe you weren’t. her orange form blended and swirled as tears overflowed your eyes and dripped down your cheeks. all the fight, the rage, the energy, was gone. snuffed like a candle flame.

just like you should be right now.

“i was supposed to die.” you whispered, more to yourself than miguel or lyla. “but i was somewhere else.”

anger lit in your chest fast, ignited by the frustration that had grown for months in your mind, words yelled at mirrors and whispered to the ceiling.

you turned to miguel, still on the ground as you raised your voice.

“i was somewhere else because of your sorry ass beating a mother fucking teenager to death! because i had to protect a child! from you!” you stepped up, rising slowly even as your knees shook. “if i hadn’t been worried about miles or you or your determination to keep the canon intact, then it would have been fine! i would have died, and everyone in my universe would have been okay!”

deflect, ignore the problem, fight, rage, scream.

you hated how similar you were to miguel.

you hated him.

he stood still as a statue, watching you with a defeated expression as you self destructed.

“y/n…” he tried, voice the softest you had ever heard it.

and you broke.

your knees buckled, but he was there in an instant, hands looping under your arms so that you didn’t fall. he pulled you into him, even as your fists beat against his chest.

“i hate you so fucking much. i hate how you make me feel and i hate what you did and i hate you-“ you sobbed, trying and failing to grapple with the weight of what had happened.

and through it all he just held you, tucking your head under his chin.

“i know, mija.” he whispered, his hand resting against the back of your neck to pull you against him.

“if you hadn’t been an asshole and chased a kid then it would have been alright. all those people would be alive and-“

“and you’d be dead.” he finished, his arm around you tightening slightly. “and i think we both know i wouldn’t let that happen.”

you felt repulsed, like his hands were burning, a betrayal to a boy beaten by the same palms. but you were also desperate, clinging to a life you lived for nine months only to be stripped from it completely. you wanted this contact, craved this hug.

your mind cried TRAITOR and your heart cried HOME. it was a contradiction that made you ache, a reminder of what was gone and would never return.

your hands clenched the material of miguel’s suit tight, bunching it as you wheezed. you felt so small, and yet so large. grief scratched at you with newly sharper claws, and guilt followed at its heels.

miguel’s hold tightened.

your mind switched to analytical thinking, trying to procure a solution, to fix what you had broken.

the answer came clearly, emerging from the darkest spot of your mind like a banished creature.

“you need to kill me.”

miguel pulled back just enough to look down at you, his hands moving to your upper arms to grip you in an unyielding hold. his eyes filled with a solemn determination that made you want to sob, made you want to scream.

“it won’t bring them back.” he whispered, resting his forehead against yours. “nothing you or i or lyla or anyone does will bring them back.”

the void at your toes, ready to swarm. an ocean of black silence, waiting to drown you.

“there has to be a way, miguel. please. if my universe collapsed because i didn’t die, then maybe if i died it would come ba-“

“do you think i didn’t try that when gabriella’s universe disappeared?” he asked, voice firm but expression soft. “i tried for weeks, never truly sleeping. i went through data and experimentation just for a chance to reassemble a universe. it doesn’t matter.”

your chest tightened, your breath limited as you tried to force a rhythm.

in, hold, out.

all those children.

in, hold, out.

mothers and fathers.

in, hold, out.

AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT.

miguel pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around you.

the thoughts muted, the world dark and warm as you pressed your face to his chest. his arms, keeping you safe from the outside.

the tears didn’t stop for a long time, and neither did your choked cries. but it didn’t matter to him. it didn’t matter that there was a wet patch in his suit that most definitely included snot as well as tears.

he guided you through breathing, moving his hand in rhythmic circles on the upper plane of your back as he whispered “in, and out” over and over until your heartbeat calmed.

miguel knew that this was just the beginning. there would be late nights and frustrated yelling and breakdowns for a long time. it would take months to heal, months to work this guilt out of you.

but he’d be there every step of the way.

he refused to leave you again.

“you’re a hypocrite.” you whispered, and again he pulled back to look at you.

your eyes were set in firm decisiveness, as though you’d been thinking about this for some time. his gut twisted and his frustration flared slightly, but his inclined his head to let your speak.

you took a breath. “you’d save me for the sake of your own benefit. you care for me- i make you less lonely.” she held up her hand when his mouth opened, and his words died on his tongue. “you’d let my entire universe die just to have me.”

your voice faltered as tears balled in your throat, but you swallowed and carried on. miguel needed to hear this, and you were pretty sure you were the only person he’d hear it from.

“that’s selfish. incredibly so. but.” she trailed off, piecing the words together and preparing for his rebuttal. “when miles wants to save his father, it’s a cardinal sin.”

“y/n, it’s diff-“

“no, it’s not.” you cut him off, and again his mouth shut. he had forgotten just how quick your words were, no doubt sharpened by your temporary grounding.

“you’re sympathetic to me, but you slam a boy, a boy, miguel, into a train because he wants to save his father. meanwhile, you’d save your daughter without so much as a second thought? that’s hypocrisy.”

his eyes widened slightly, but he didn’t interrupt.

“all i ask is that you give him the same grace. can’t you understand why he refuses to follow your orders?

miguel sighed, keeping his eyes on you.

“miles is an anomaly, he’s was never meant to be spider-man-“

“enough of that. that has nothing to with the canon event. the universe didn’t collapse when he was bitten. it’s not his fault.”

“he is the beginning of this, the reason why there even is a spider society.”

your eyes narrowed, anger rising as you remembered the broken boy with bandages on his chest. “so you’re going to traumatize him? as punishment? he doesn’t deserve this blame, and you should never have reinforced it into his head. he’s fifteen, miguel. fifteen and scared. and now his head is full of your rhetoric, full of this hate that he doesn’t deserve. it’s not fair.”

you paused, and miguel worked his jaw, speechless.

“there must be another way. the canon has been flexible before. we can’t bring my universe back, but maybe we can save his. without making him watch his father die.” a tear slipped from your eye as you shoved down your sadness, forcing yourself to move on in order to help miles.

miguel’s thumb caught the tear before it fell, and you leaned into his palm.

“i think you need to sit this one out.” he whispered, eyes full of concern as your own blinked open. “i made the mistake of training you too early after your mother died, i won’t make the same mistake by allowing you to rush into this while you’re falling apart.”

you watched him, processing his words.

he was right, of course. it wasn’t healthy to push grief aside for later, especially this kind. the kind that poked at your throat and dug into your stomach. but the clock was ticking. a little less than two days.

you wanted nothing more than to curl up into a bed and cry. but you didn’t have time.

“i need to do this. and i need you to be there with me when i do, at my side. not against me. and after we figure this out, i’ll go to therapy and we can eat ice cream or whatever shit people normally do when they’re sad. ok?” you said.

this was the price of the name. sacrifice. pain. suffering. all for the greater good of the people.

miguel’s thumb stroked across your cheekbone as his jaw feathered.

“please. let me finish this.” you whispered.

miguel’s decision appeared in his eyes before it came out of his mouth.

“is this our tradition now?” he asked, and your face broke into a watery smile.

“fucking shit up despite our metal health? i guess so.” you laughed as you rubbed the heel of your hand against your eye, rubbing tears from your face.

“lyla?” you called, and she appeared at your shoulder. “can you help me reach hobie?”

lyla nodded, but miguel’s eyes hardened. “what do we need him for?” he asked, already sounding exasperated.

you smiled. “if you want to really fuck the system, you call the anarchist.” you said as you tapped at your watch.

i need some help defying the canon. you in?

it only took a few seconds for a reply.

let’s raise hell. meet you at my place in an hour.

i have miguel. but he’s leashed.

miguel looked over your shoulder, scoffing at the message.

“leashed?” he asked, and you smiled wickedly.

“you will be if you don’t listen. i’m not above webbing you to a wall and taking Rapture away from you.” you patted his shoulder. “just behave.”

you opened a portal when a thought rose suddenly.

“do you have any causal clothes?” you asked over your shoulder, and miguel raised a brow at you.

“for what?”

you grinned. “hard to be incognito in a spider suit. we need to blend in where we’re going.”

he smirked. “and what about you? think no one’s gonna stare at that suit just as much as mine?”

your teeth flashed as your grin widened. “i have clothes at hobie’s place.”

miguel’s amused expression dropped, and the glint in his eye told you that you may have to stand in front of hobie when he came back.

when he returned with clothes, grumpy as ever, you turned to the portal and jumped in, miguel at your heels.

₊ ⊹

“i cant fold it right, mine keeps bursting open.” you sighed, showing miguel the embarrassment of an empanada in your hands.

he shook his head at you, having already made a pile of at least ten. “it’s too much filling. you’re smart: use deductive reasoning.”

you elbowed him in the side, and he pretended to be wounded, letting out a fake gasp of pain.

you had both gone to the grocery store as soon as you entered earth-138, grabbing the necessary ingredients for a meal for the kids.

you had resolved that, if miguel couldn’t fully verbally apologize yet, then he could at least make them dinner.

and miguel had dragged his feet, refusing to give his input as you walked the aisles of produce and food. but when you fixed him with a glare and a sharp word, he had straightened up, explaining what exactly you needed.

and that brought you here, assembling empanadas with salsa verde and mexican rice on the counter of hobie’s house boat.

the group was late, though hobie had messaged you telling you that it was because they were talking miles into actually going in. the boy was terrified, but hobie and gwen were assuring him that everything was fine.

miguel placed the empanadas in the oven as the door to the boat clicked open and the spider band stepped though.

thank god it was spacious, you thought as the filed in.

you stepped forward to hobie, who embraced you with an arm around your waist and his mouth to your ear.

“one word and he’s a dead man.” he murmured to you as his eyes stayed fixed on miguel over your shoulder.

you garnered that miguel was staring back based on the tingling feeling of your skin.

“i got it. but noted.” you replied, pressing a kiss to his cheek as you pulled back.

his hands found your shoulders, leaning down to level a look at you. “you good?” he asked earnestly, his eyes concerned.

your smile was small, but it was a start.

“i’m good. better now.” you whispered, and he squeezed your shoulders.

he moved to the side, and your eyes caught miles’s, who stood with his arms limply at his side in a corner of the room.

you walked over to him, and his jaw clenched.

“i’m so sorry.” he whispered, and your heart ached.

“its not your fault. fate is a bitch sometimes.” you said as you slung an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. his arms wrapped around your back gratefully.

you reached a hand to gwen and pavitr, and they joined the hug.

“my baby spiders.” you cooed. “i missed you.”

you pulled away to look around at the others, nodding to noir and peter b and fist bumping peni.

you met miguel’s eyes, and he nodded.

deep breath. it’s not like this is the end of the word or anything.

“we have less than two days to find a solution to save miles dad. the cannon is temperamental, but it is flexible. there must be a way other than jefferson’s death that can prevent earth-1610 from collapsing. any ideas?”

you gazed around the room to blank stares and thoughtful expressions. silence pressed against your ears as no one replied.

“my dad stepped down.” came a hesitant voice.

you turned to find gwen staring at you with a hopeful expression.

“he stepped down from being captain.” she said again. she looked to the side at miles. “after he found out my identity.”

something like hope grew in your chest as you glanced again at miguel. he looked back with a soft expression, tilting his head at you.

“he’ll never step down.” miles sighed, his fingers finding his temple.

“but it shows that there’s wiggle room.” you said, and miles’s eyes peeked at you.

“nothing is black and white. it’s not simple, but it’s a start.” you said as you walked over to the oven, getting out the empanadas.

“brain food?” asked peter b, and you smiled.

miguel stood beside you, preparing plates.

“not bad, y/n.” he said, and you leaned your side against his for a moment.

“where there’s a will, there’s a way.” you said, passing out plates before taking a seat next to hobie on the floor.

you looked around at the group, a smile rising on your face.

“spot’s on the move in 1610.” announced lyla, and hobie turned to you.

“okay, star girl. what’s the plan?”

　　　.   　　˚　　 　　*　fin　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚

taglist: aka my little stars

@brittany69 @ladyfairenvale @teamwolverine @kinkybandages @lunamhm565i @dhadiirah @pearlssdiary @zeyzeys-stuff @alexisabirdie @ifuckyourmom @hagdgishr @migueloharaslxt @ladynecromancer @leviathxn @khaylin27 @dulceteris @mouthfulofpearls @alecmores @kissitoffme @mvlanchqly

oh my goodness. thank you all so much for your love and kind words. this is my first finished series, and it’s crazy to think that it all started with a thought of

“what if miguel had a daughter who’s universe collapsed?”

and it’s become a series with followers and people who love it. i’m so incredibly thankful for both your love and your patience- i went through a very hard friendship breakup that kind of ruined my spirit for a while. hence why this took so long.

i know there will be some of you who are not satisfied with this ending. i myself am never truly honestly satisfied with what i write. but i wanted to get this out into the world. BUT. my asks are always open for questions, requests, and headcanons for this story. it’s very dear to my heart, and i’m just so amazed at you all.

my little stars, i hope you enjoyed ‘the price of the name’.

all my love,

pearl ♡

[thesummerpetsalamander]

Don’t get me wrong, I’m living for Frenchie and Colin but I wish they’d explored a different aspect of Frenchies back story this season. like how he finally escaped from his dad (did he kill him in the end or run away?) or being homeless and having to become a prostitute to survive when he first came to the states.

I’m also convinced that Frenchies dad actually killed his mom but he’s blocked it out due to trauma. If they went down that route then that would have been an interesting way of linking his and Colin’s storyline.

THISSSSSSSS!!!!!!

when little nina mentioned his abusive father, and when he mentioned turning tricks’ in a flashback, i instantly wanted to know so much more about his backstory. those were two story arcs that were already set up for him to explore! but instead we get him and colin, which feels a bit rushed and kind of pointless anyway since we know nothing about colin. we know frenchie is going to lose colin, there’s no way this will work out. but we don’t care if he loses colin because colin has no emotional weight on the story. maybe if we got to see colin and frenchie’s relationship develop from the start we’d care more about them, but it was thrown at us just for it to be taken away immediately in an attempt to force the audience to pity frenchie. but we already know frenchie feels regret for his kills. i want to see how other aspects of his past shape him as a person.

we could still delve into frenchie’s guilt for being a hitman — but let’s explore what drove him to become a hitman. like you said, anon, did he have to kill his dad to finally be free? did this + turning tricks in america make him feel like the only thing he was good for was his body — his physical form, only made to please or hurt others, only made to follow commands. we see how he yearns for true individual freedom, but he struggles so much to actually free himself from those who hold the end of his chain. why is that? why does he not let himself to decide his own fate when that is all he wants? does he not trust himself — after a life of listening to others, does he not feel he can think for himself? does he think that if he tries to make his own decisions he’ll fuck up, so he only lets himself do what others tell him? or does he think he doesn’t deserve it — after killing so many people, does he think he deserves to be kept on a short chain for his sins?

frenchie is SUCH an interesting character, and they could be doing so much more with him. i’ve loved how they’ve explored his character over the past three and a half seasons, but i wish they would keep going further. clearly he has issues with his perception of his own autonomy. how did an abusive, controlling father affect this? anon, if your theory about his father killing his mother is true (it makes sense to me), how would that knowledge affect frenchie? how did turning tricks to survive in america impact his own self image and worth. how does selling his body for survival — first as a prostitute, then as a weapon — affect his perception of autonomy and identity? who does frenchie think frenchie is? these are all the paths i want to be explored with his character. if the writers wont do it, give me the pen.

all my kudos to the writers and the actor for creating such a great character. to leave the audience wondering more about your character like this is a compliment — it means we’re invested and we want to see more!!

also anon, feel free to message me to talk more about the show!! having the boys brainrot rn and id love to discuss it. or you can keep sending anons!

[anti-catradora-collection]

my entire experience with C//A and how i became an anti

(this is just my personal experience!!!)

i watched spop for the first time when I was around 12 years old. and I must admit: like most of the public, i LOVED catra//dora. i already knew that they would become canonical, and i watched the entire show with the mindset of "catra will change, everything will be fine".

it was like that for years. i was completely blinded by the narrative created in spop, and i didn't see any problem with the way catra treated adora (and even found some abusive scenes "hot/spicy"). i already drew them, i already bought one of the spop books...

but everything started to change when i watched spop with my mom. i was so excited because my mother had agreed to watch a cartoon with a lot of representation with me... but she hated the end of the cartoon. she and i even argued about it. not just because it was a lesbian couple (she's homoph0bic), but because i was refusing to see how bad representation in spop was. she said something like "didn't she (catra) tried to kill her (adora)?". and then i'd become speechless or say something like "yeah, but she (catra) changed!!!".

honestly, i should apologize to my mother for making her watch and swallow something that only pushed her more towards the side of prejudice.

(i'm not saying that my mother is right to be homoph0bic, i'm just saying it's clear that she has a different mindset than me, for example.)

some time after that (I believe 2 years later), i was browsing youtube when i saw a video with the title "catra mistreating adora for 16 minutes" (if I'm not mistaken, it was 16 minutes). it was made by captain konami, who deleted their channel some months ago.

after some time avoiding it, i went into the video expecting it to be some clickbait, but no, it really was a video arguing and showing all the abusive moments of catra with adora. this weighed on my mind, i didn't want to accept it so i just ignored it.

however, i went back to the video some time later out of curiosity to see the comments, and to my surprise, i came across a masterpost of counterarguments against catra//dora. here are the screenshots:

it made a lot of sense to me. again, i didn't want to believe it, but it made too much sense. i searched for more texts and evidence of catra's abuse towards adora, and, after months in denial, i was able to accept and change the mindset i had been cultivating for so many years.

i decided that i wanted more people to see the truth and so I created a twt account, another account on tiktok (in brazilian portuguese) and after some time i also created this blog to spread the word. honestly, it was the best thing i did in this fandom.

not only did i raise awareness about different forms of abuse, i also felt much better about my understanding of the catra//dora relationship. It was even liberating. ever since what happened between me and my mother, i knew something was wrong, but i refused to see the truth.

i feel so much better now that i've accepted it.

[exhausted-archivist]

In regard to my last reblog, I kinda want to expand on it.

The novels are 100% optional flavour text. They aren't required for you to really understand what is happening in the world. With the exception of Asunder, that one for me is a bit of a grey area but that is only because it covers aspects of two companions (Cole and Vivienne) that are glossed over and is rehashed entirely in an aspect by another companion's personal quest (Cassandra's).

Not even World of Thedas, the lore books are required because a big chunk of them are put in the game as codices. And the character stuff that's not? That's also flavour text and the fact that Leliana doesn't share background reports on your companions or you can't find them is a missed opportunity in utilizing Leliana. The whole "Game" aspect of Orlesian politics could have also been better incorporated through Josephine and Vivienne.

This is long so... cut.

But TLDR: Nothing is mandatory. World of Thedas, Asunder, and Masked Empire are just under utilized flavour text. They better not do the same or worse with Tevinter Nights.

We know they cut Cole from having Evangelina and Rhys appear for his personal quest and instead we got that weird thing with Varric and Solas being disagreeing dads on nature vs nurture. Rhys and Evangeline, but more so Rhys, are so important to Cole's background that I feel they could have brought them on with a little codex or preamble and it would have worked fine. They could have touched more on Cole's fear of becoming a demon again, his sense of identity and self, and even explored his whole concept of "helping" and his unique brand of compassion - because really Cole's form of compassion is a little off the beaten path.

But, that isn't because Asunder is mandatory, but because Cole isn't well anchored to begin with. They don't really explore him as a spirit/demon, they mostly use him as a way to tell you about other characters, and he's really wishy washy on even establishing what happened at the White Spire or with Seeker Lambert and just gives these sort of teasing/tantalizing starting points.

Which leads into a weak point with Vivienne. She has issue with how the war started. She has issue with the vote. She has issue with everything that happened with the White Spire. Which again, isn't explored and is just flippantly mentioned in banter with Cole or when she's snarking at Fiona.

We know she has issue with the vote because it was made when everyone was already dealing with Circles falling and templars killing people and extremist mages were killing other mages that opposed them. The vote was made not by people who were elected by the Circles - not entirely. They were made by whoever happened to get to Andoral's Reach and it was very much an emergency vote. She wasn't there for the vote and that's the start of the issue for her. Which, understandably this was written before Vivienne even existed, but with that they never resolve why she wasn't there for the vote or even aware of the chaos of the Circles. You kind of guess it's because of Bastien's health but yeah not really clear.

Both Cole and Vivienne's stories would be better anchored as well as give the Mage Templar war and the factions with in it more nuance if they even tried to incorporate the cliff notes of Asunder. It would also make it more of a flavour text and less of this murky grey area.

Which to make it even more murky and grey, Cassandra's whole plot of discovering the reversal to tranquility? Yeah that was discovered by a tranquil mage at the request of Divine Justinia. Literally every circle mage and Chantry person (of a certain rank) knows of its existence. Which they cheekily hide in ambient dialogue between Mother Giselle and another cameo character from Cassandra's past, Avexis. An elven mage who was turned tranquil because of the danger from her abilities to not only control small creatures but dragons.

That story Cassandra is known for? The dragons attacking the Grand Cathedral? Avexis was involved with that. Whole big thing in Dawn of the Seeker. But I digress.

Mother Giselle and Avexis talk about the reversal to tranquility in Haven. Everyone already knows but Cassandra's personal quest misleads you cause she's so pikachu-faced about discovering that there was a reversal and the Seeker's knew about it. Only half of the information should be new to her, the rest everyone knew about for a year and could have been beautifully folded into her story as to not only her mixed feelings on how she didn't feel as close to Justinia as Leliana was - because Leliana was in on it and Cassandra wasn't even aware that the Divine requested this happen behind the Seeker's back in 9:35 Dragon.

It would have been a great point to fold into the story to not only give more context to Cassandra questioning the Order but also feeling out of control and lost. Honesty would have been a good point in tension for her and Leliana to have.

But instead Cole goes largely explained, Vivienne is under explored and barely connected to the Mage Templar War conflict, and Cassandra is a (in my opinion) much less interesting rehash of something most people connected to the Chantry and Circles already knew for the most part.

Asunder is less required reading and more of discarded world building that amounts to a lot of missed opportunities.

Something I think that Tevinter Nights is at risk of if not worse. Either under utilized world building or they go full tilt in the wrong direction and it becomes the first required reading.

Specifically reading, because the first required additional media is the Legacy DLC of which they yoinked Corypheus and the whole start of the red templars from. And then again with Tresspasser which establishes and reveals so much vital information for the next game. Both DLCs, I think should have/be updated to free. Especially since it's been so long and they are required for the story now. And any "well players had to pay for them previously" is bs because new players can get the whole trilogy on sale for like 15USD. Deluxe editions included so they come with the DLCs - except for DA2.

Asunder and DLCs aside, lemme now circle back to the whole World of Thedas/Leliana and co thing.

The thing that grinds my gears about the World of Thedas bits is that a large part of them... are written to Leliana as reports. In game Leliana talks about doing background checks - how she isn't thorough enough with Solas because there wasn't enough time and more pressing things were coming. He slipped through the cracks. But everyone else? She got dirt on. Sera included. Leliana could have been a great vector to not only divulge more flavour text lore of our companions, but it could have also given us more aspects of conversation. How do they feel knowing Leliana gave us reports? Is sera annoyed because of the questions you can now ask? Is Blackwall sweaty because you might know details he doesn't? Does Iron Bull want to compare notes and see how good Leliana's network is?

There was so much they could have done with Leliana to not only make her more involved but made us more involved with the characters. It would have lead to more interactive story telling and folded in making the meta knowledge less meta as our Inquisitor actually used the resources of our spymaster.

Still, not required reading, but a way to fold in all the world building you've done to make the characters feel more real and give us a chance to bond with them. Even if we can't talk to them about it because "leaving it open ended for headcanons".

This also goes into how "The Game" is under utilized in Inquisition. So much of Inquisition is telling vs showing us or letting us experience something. Having more scenes where we walk in on Josephine dealing with combative knowledge, using our origins and background perks to play the game introduces us to the concept of Orlesian politics and perhaps we get perks - more soldiers, resources, gold, higher starting approval at the Winter Palace. Something that has more relevance to us and folds in this supposed system all of Orlais is beholden to.

A similar system could have also been used with Vivienne. Whether she was hosting nobles or if she wanted to gossip with you over a letter she received that she thinks could be of use to you if you know how to properly use The Game. It would have also been interesting if it impacted the noble npcs hanging out in the hall, if it became weighted depending on just how good you were. Less Orlesians meaning less support from Orlais and more reliance on other nations to legitimize the Inquisition. More Orlesians? A stronger army, more standing with the court and the Chantry, more ammunition for when you're dealing with Celene and Gaspard in the Winter Palace. Things like that. Simple story threads that didn't really need to go anywhere but perhaps impacted the ambient state.

It would have helped tie in Masked Empire and give it more weight (and also make Michel de Chevin be more than the rando the Imshael maybe killed).

Just saying... It's just under utilized world building in an interactive media.

[metalgearstranding]

Big Boss' Boyfriends: a Retrospective? A Character Analysis? A Bunch of Words Strung Together For Sure

Re: this post about Ocelot being willing to die FOR Big Boss versus Kaz willing to die WITH Big Boss. I think it's absolutely true, and I just wanted to expand on the subject and talk about Ocelot and Kaz, and why they're different on that front because of their personality and their history.

(Notes: 1 English is not my first language so forgive the mistakes and the general lack of polish 2) those are of course my personal interpretations of events colored by bias. I'm not pretending to know the Correct and True version of anything. Also I might be misrembering/forgetting things. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong about CANON informations, add important infos I might have forgotten, and share your own interpretations of the characters and events if you want!)

Unlike Ocelot who went on to do his solo thing after MGS3, Kaz was taken in by Snake after they met, and MSF was born shortly after. Kaz was vital to the creation of MSF, it was his baby as much as it was Snake's. MSF was more than a base, it was a home, for both of them. It brought them close, not only because they shared something they made together, but also because they spent a lot of time together, physically. Even when Snake wasn't on mother base, they constantly kept in contact through the radio. They had plenty of opportunities to get to know each other personally and become close. It's ironic that Kaz probably never knew Snake's real name, because for a while he was in a better place than Ocelot to really get to know "John".

Officially, Snake was the boss at MSF of course, with Kaz serving as his XO, his second in command. Their relationship never really felt particularly hierarchical however. Despite his talk in MGS3 about being loyal to the top brass and willing to die for them, Snake never gave me the vibe that he cared very much about ranks and rigid military rules, especially not after leaving FOX to do his own thing. Kaz didn't have that much military experience to begin with in comparison, so he was probably more than comfortable with the loosey goosey operation Snake was conducting. So yeah, to me, Snake and Kaz in Peace Walker felt more like equals than anything.

Even without a romantic angle, their relationship was very symbiotic, so it makes perfect sense that they'd both be willing to go down with the ship, considering the amount of time, money, love, and blood that was poured into their new way of life. Kaz especially -in contrast to his sharp business acumen and practical sense- always struck me as a very... intense guy, for better or for worse. Hell, the bbkaz meet cute was Kaz almost blowing both himself and Snake with a grenade... So yes, straight from the beginning, Kaz was very willing to die with Snake, first as an enemy, and then as a friend/lover/partner once Snake's rizz won his heart over. And it was both Kaz's practical sense and his passionate nature that cost him Snake's companionship (in part).

Ocelot's case is simultaneously both simpler and much more complicated. He and Snake are as inextricably linked together as Snake and Kaz, but in a different way.

The two men have known each other for a long time, and they were around each other for one of the most formative moments of their lives. Snake lost an eye to Ocelot and gained his absolute loyalty (and the coolness factor that comes with an eyepatch). Meanwhile, Ocelot simply wouldn't be Ocelot without Snake: the revolvers, the interrogation fetish, Ocelot's chosen Purpose in life, all of that can be retraced to Snake. They share a mother, one spiritually and the other genetically. They've tried to kill each other several times, and saved each other just as often. Aside from the nod to Ocelot and Snake's plot armor, MGS3 loves to show how Fate brought them together. First, by making the Boss -he most important and influential person in Snake's life- Ocelot's mother, and second, with all the moments where Ocelot COULD have killed Snake, but wasn't "allowed" to.

Even without the events of the story bringing them together, unlike Snake and Kaz who are complimentary but very different, Snake and Ocelot are very alike. The Sorrow spoke of the Spirit of the Warrior, which both men have. Snake joined the military very young (15yo), and that life is all he's known and wanted. Ocelot was literally born on a battlefield and raised to be a spy. Both men live by the sword, are perfectly content living that way, and they understand that about each other. The notes for the MGS3 script about their meeting in Rassvet speak of them immediately liking each other: "a pure love". If you ignore the strong connotations of the word "love", it's clear that both men recognized as kindred spirit in the other at the very least.

No matter how strong the bond and the understanding between them, Snake and Ocelot rarely came into direct contact after MGS3. It's very possible they met more often when the Patriots were founded, or were in more direct contact after Snake left, but we don't get to see that in game. With or without hints to Snake and Ocelot's contacts through the years, the games make it clear that Ocelot is someone who prefers to work alone behind the scenes, and is actually quite happy and more comfortable that way. There are several hints that he DOES miss Snake sometimes though in the script of MGSV. Then there's this amazing line: "Foxes spend most of their time alone, but they'll keep the same mate. They say that in the case of the Blanford's foxes, it's for life. *hmph* Can't see the sense of it myself." Ocelot is obviously full of shit, because this describes him to a T: he too spent most of his time alone but kept the same mate (Snake) all of his life.

Ocelot being apart from Snake most of the time seems to be in major part a decision of the former. But that means that despite sharing their formative moments, Ocelot didn't get to know Snake -"John"- as he is in his day-to-day life like Kaz did. Snake's more intimate habits, quirks, tastes, what makes him laugh, how long he takes to dress up in the morning, that kind of stuff you only learn by sharing someone's life he didn't have access to as far as we know. In MGSV, Ocelot says this: "She (Quiet) fell in love with the legend (Snake). I was the same way, once." You can interpret this line a few different ways, but it's indeniable: Ocelot fell in love with the legend. And I think in a way, because of the physical distance between them, Snake remained a Legend in his mind, a distant deity he had chosen to devote himself to.

Ocelot might not have had the privilege to be raised and taken care of by his parents, but he is definitely their son. The Boss and the Sorrow were characterized by their strong sense of loyalty, love and duty. When the Philosophers forced the couple to face each other in battle, threatening to end their son's life if they didn't, the Sorrow willingly decided he'd be the one to give his life. And of course, the Boss' life is filled with examples of her self-sacrificial nature. Through the sacrifice of her life and reputation, she saved millions of lives.

Ocelot wasn't as noble as the Boss, he doesn't exactly share his mother's wish for peace, but he is just as self-sacrificial and loyal to a fault (well, to HIM at least). He didn't like Zero's vision of the world, and he went to impressively absurd lengths to destroy it. Whether or not he truly believed that hard in Snake's pet project, Ocelot still went to MORE impressively absurd lengths to help Snake see it through. Not for honor, but for Him.

But what about Snake's in all of that? Snake is kind of an idiot, the end. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Seriously though, I don't think I'm being very controversial if I say that Snake is single-minded to an unhealthy degree. He doesn't seem to care about much outside of war, guns and cigars... And the Boss. And that's where the problem lies.

The extent to which Snake was attached to the Boss was a little erm... worrisome? For a man who said he didn't care about other people's lives, Snake sure was interested in the Boss as EVA points out in MGS3. Snake didn't take their time apart well, and he took her death (at his own hands) even worse. The events of Snake Eater pretty much singlehandedly ruined Snake and all remaining hopes he could've had to someday live a healthier life.

One of my friends once said about Snake that he was incapable of love. I don't think it's wrong, but it's also very much not true, because Metal Gear Solid as a series happened because Snake couldn't heal from the pain of losing someone he loved so deeply. Sadly, it did affect his relationships after that, especially the ones who loved him most, Ocelot and Kaz in particular. Of course, the death of the Boss wasn't the only factor for that, there were also the betrayals, the many, many betrayals... I'm not gonna talk about Zero here, but aside from the Boss, he's the one who did the most damage to Snake.

After he and Zero parted ways, unable to reconcile their difference of opinions about the Boss's will (and Zero doing the first in a series of Very Fucked Up Things), Snake went on to do his thing and met Kaz. They found each other when they needed it the most, and despite their ideological differences, joined forces to create a home for the both of them.

The day they met, when Snake explained to Kaz what he was doing in Columbia (mercenary work). Kaz's first reaction was: "so you go where the money is". Snake denied this, told Kaz that they were fighting for themselves. Kaz insisted: "so, for the money". Snake should've seen this as the red flag it later came to be. Snake does what he does for the love of the Game. He fights to live and lives to fight. Kaz does what he does for money. That served Snake well during the MSF days, because Snake is not a very practical guy outside of the battlefield, logistics aren't his thing and neither is handling money.

And that's when Kaz did an oopsie. MSF was struggling, and when a golden opportunity presented itself, Kaz just couldn't say no. Blinded by the prospect of getting a lot of money to help MSF grow, Kaz accepted to work with Zero... without telling Snake. Snake who had just been more or less stabbed in the back by Zero and had trust issues up the wazoo at this point. Snake didn't say much when it was revealed, but you can feel the disappointment in his voice when he says Kaz's name.

When Kaz learns in Phantom Pain that Snake has left to make a bigger, better MSF, he gets pissed and vows to send Snake to hell. Aside from being the consequence of his actions in Peace Walker, Kaz's reaction is both puzzling and very understandable.

Snake and Kaz were close, they were partners. Or so Kaz thought. Kaz would've been ready to die with Snake for what they had created together, but Ocelot informed him that he wouldn't get to be by Snake's side while he built his new nation of fighters. Kaz had been... demoted, essentially. In his mind at least. No longer an equal partner, he was now working FOR Snake, not with him. And he couldn't take it. He had become so comfortable sitting at the right hand of God that he thought he was now entitled to share the throne with him (Which I guess makes Kaz Lucifer in a way in this analogy...? And Ocelot Archangel Michael? XD).

Snake at this point had bought into his own hype, rejected the Boss and claimed the title of Big Boss once and for all after struggling with it for years. He went along with Zero's Phantom idea, and rode away from a burning hospital with a smile on his face. If Snake had second thoughts at the time, if he felt guilty or grateful about the enormous sacrifices that were made in his name, we don't really get to hear about it.

Kaz lost his partner status but he wasn't kicked to the curb completely however, which means Snake still wanted him around in some capacity at least. Or Snake assumed that he had Kaz's loyalty no matter what, and would gladly get along with the plan just like Ocelot. In a way, he wouldn't have been wrong, because despite Kaz's anger and his vow to get revenge on Big Boss via enfant terrible one day, he still stayed around to help with the Phantom project. It's unknown if Kaz submitted himself -willingly or not- to hypnotism. Ocelot being over-committed is nothing new, but I wonder if he would've insisted to do the same to Kaz...

If Kaz had carefully proded the limits of his position in Peace Walker, in Phantom Pain he kept poking at them with his crutch . Kaz had always been intense, but his anger and lust for revenge during the game were very loud next to Venom Snake's calm attitude. Kaz constantly went against Snake's decision, demanding where Ocelot suggested. The best exemple is Kaz outright telling Venom Snake that if he took Quiet back to the base, he'd "just have her killed", sending choppers with armed men pointing their weapons at Snake. Once again, Kaz acts as an equal, not someone who's taking orders, which either means he WAS hypnotized and didn't learn his lesson, or he wasn't hypnotized, and doesn't recognize Venom Snake's authority as his commander at all. Even if he gave no shit about a hierarchy, if he was pissed against the real Snake, Kaz still seemed to yearn for him, at least at the beginning. They get so close so often in the first hours of the game that you really wonder whether they're going kiss or not.

We know where Kaz ends up at some point after this (training Solid Snake, then getting killed -presumably by Ocelot- in his home). I'd really like to know when he left Venom Snake's side, and how Venom took it...

All the while, Ocelot had always been working in Snake's interests and never waivered. Ocelot stayed behind as a spy for Snake when the latter left the Patriots. Zero was probably aware of that fact, but by that point, Ocelot's loyalty and love for Snake was beyond question, so it's no wonder he was chosen to watch over Snake for the next 9 years while he was in a coma. Meanwhile, Kaz was informed that Snake was alive and safe, but was not told where, and he was not allowed to see him either (because his presence would be a dead giveaway for Snake's enemies). Whatever news he received were via Ocelot.

Kaz's emotions always get the best of him, he's very expressive, so we know how he feels at all times. Ocelot on the other hand is calm, composed, in control. He's made a career out of pretending to be what he's not, so it's hard to say how he really feels. I'm sure he was devastated by what happened to Snake, but we don't really get to see it sadly. In MGSV he acts like a professional, he offers his expertise to Snake when it's needed. He's not subservient, but he's fully aware of his place and his role. Despite his poker face, I think you can still very much feel Ocelot's affection for Snake during the game (and possibly even some jealousy towards Quiet).

Ocelot's insistence to work alone, his history with Snake, and his reverence for Snake saved him from a lot of the heartbreak Kaz had to go through. It also guaranteed his place in Snake's life until the very end. We don't really know what Snake thought of Ocelot, how he really felt about him, but we know he trusted him fully, which, considering all the betrayals Snake went through, really means something.

Kaz made errors of judgement and let his emotions get the better of him, which cost him Snake's trust and the place at his side he wanted so badly. Ocelot's independance and dedication to his mission cost him an opportunity to really get to know the man he had worked so hard for. He never really got to see the fruits of his schemes: the end of the Patriots, and Snake himself, gloriously back to life, free from them at last. And because of his single mindedness, his selfishness (or obliviousness perhaps), and the heartbreak he could never heal from, Snake was never able to give back to the people who loved him and gave everything to him.