I think at this point a fight between ylfa and La Bête is coming and I'm so excited for it. These two are the same, while also being completely different.
Here are my thoughts
Ylfa did not want to eat the wolf, but had to to survive. While la Bête ate her captor with absolute delight.
The moment when those two spoke in the library ylfa realized that she faced someone who truly embraced all aspects of being a beast, especially the gruesome parts and she thrives on her willingness to exact violence. Which makes sense in a way since la Bête took the power from her captor to become something mightier, someone who isn't helpless. La Bête isn‘t evil, she is being herself, truly every living out every part of her soul.
The same can‘t be said for our best girl.
Ylfa is afraid of cruelty, she wants to be kind and seen as such. I think seeing someone is the same as her but who doesn't hold the same fears as her scares her a bit (Especially knowing that la Bête might use violence on her and would have no hesitation about it probably).
I do hope tho that that she is "redeemable" cuz there is big hairy bloodthirsty sister vibes here.
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serious question but is there anyone out there who really truly deeply knows exactly who they are... who doesn't doubt everything they do because what if something different was meant to happen?
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I have three binders (ordered two more), a packer, packing underwear, a strap to hold a packer separately, and I’ve ordered a few pairs of shoes with like 2 inch platforms. I even wore a binder while out shopping with my mom. It’s made for comfort so it doesn’t bind the best, but if you know me it should still make an obvious difference. But my mom still hasn’t seemed to pick up on it. Sometimes she says or does something that makes me think she knows. But then she says things that make me think she has absolutely no clue. I feel like I should come out to her and have a conversation about it before I just start presenting. But idk how to even begin that conversation. And I’m scared about when my dad comes back from his business trip in a few days. He’s slowly been getting more and more conservative over the past few years. I’m pretty sure he thinks all trans people are perverts or something. And his mother, my grandmother, is extremely conservative and a Trump fanatic. She will definitely disown me or something. But my dad talks to his mom on the phone every day. I don’t want to cause issues between them. I low key was kinda hoping I could stay in the closet until she dies, but I’m starting to suffocate in here. It feels awful to say, but I feel like I lost the wrong grandmother. My mom’s mom was very open and accepting. The things she said weren’t always politically correct, but she never hated anyone for who they are. It makes me sad to think she never got to meet the real me. My aunt’s wedding is in September. I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid and wear a dress. So the clock is ticking. If I want to come out before that I’m running out of time to tell everyone and get a suit. The dress wasn’t too expensive though so I’m not super worried about paying my mom back for that. And I kinda want to come out in June just to be cliche. Idk if I want to change my name yet or even what I would change it to. I’m not even 100% sure on my pronouns. If I want to use he/they like I do on here or just he/him. And idk what to do with my hair. I’ve been going to the same hair salon for forever. They do men’s hair too but they never actually listen to me about how I want my hair. So idk if I trust them to respect me wanting a more boyish cut. But idk where else to go. My hair is getting too long and my ends desperately need a trim though. At least I work a union job now so I know they won’t fire me for coming out. I am nervous about how coworkers and customers will react though. I am so scared and nervous about all of this in general. But I’m also really excited. A big part of me always thought I wouldn’t live to see 30. But instead of dying I’m being reborn.
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That dog somehow reminded me I’ve started collecting these.
I apologize that these two are unattributed.
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seems like me being honest drives people away but why would they want someone to be delusional w them?
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
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Quick reminder since apparently it bears reminding in both directions: if bigoted people, closed-minded people overall, or your own internalized insecurities misinterpret a queer person’s message in a way that hurts/endangers you, yeah, it sucks, but it’s not the fault of the queer person in question, nor should it be a reason for them to silence themselves. They’re probably as hurt/pissed as you are that someone misinterpreted and misused their message to do harm.
Of course sadly there’ll still be queer people that actually DO mean harm and dismissal to other queer people – I ain’t speaking for those and it’s not the best way to ensure their and others’ wellbeing imo. I’m just saying – not all people will be like that. That’s what I want to believe. So hopefully let’s not put everyone in the same bag, keep supporting each other, WHILE allowing each other to advocate for our own visibility, without having to self-erase or self-censor to accomodate to what haters might say.
It’ll be tougher this way, maybe, because humans seem to like to draw extreme conclusions very quick, but I don’t believe there’s any better way for us all to be alright and stay alright on the long run.
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