#actively got back into dating **
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hey guys am i allowed to say on main that i dont like metadad . am i gonna get beaten up for saying this.
guys i think we all took the term found family too literally and now everythings flattened into a boring nuclear family. guys can we stop. hello . is anybody there
#text#it was kinda charming at first but it feels like everytime i try to look at the mk tag its always the same shit . guys. guys.#we can do so much more w/ their dynamics than just dad and son ugh its so . ughhh.#every since i realized i was like . really really aroace. ive started to grow a bit of a distaste for shipping culture#this is relavant i swear. iwanna talk about metadede#like ok in fandoms right. theres often#the enforcement of specific roles onto characters for a simplified understanding of them for memes and drawing ideas#we want gay rep but we dont quite have it canonically so we make our queer headcanons seem more legit#by giving a char a same sex partner. ok easy we did it. gay people are real now#and we get awesome art and its wonderful bc people are wonderful#but its like . the relationships themselves feel flat a lot of the times.#metadede never seems to be about dedede. its about mk having a boyfriend. bc we need him to date someone.#and im not like . mad at anyone about this. i participated in it back in the day. but like.#ok so. gay hcs are the most popular in most fandom things bc its easy; hot; and sweet#but things like aro or ace hcs? its just. they. how can you depict that in a single framed drawing of a char?so theres none at all.#its not even that i actively hc chars aroace its jsut this is my world view; how i default to reading chars#maybe this rant in the tags is unrelated after all.#but idk. ive got lots of thoughts about things.#anyways as ceo of meta knigth im right about everything#i can talk more about metadad stuff specifically if people want
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the worst part of this job is client interaction because i can really be out here asking y/n questions and my client will literally tell me every single thing EXCEPT the answer to my question
#i am AT MY LIMIT AGAIN MY DUDES#all i wanted to know from my client was 1) is there a problem with the tenants vacating because i am getting the vibe it's a Problem#and 2) if there is no problem when is the move-out date#this is just so i can draft this stupid settlement deed right#it's all information i need like if i could do without this i WOULD just so i wouldn't have to claw information out of my client-#-like it's killing him to tell me things that i actually have to know to be able to do the work he's engaged me to do#and he went on a whole spiel about how he's going to take opposing counsel to the law society like ?????????????????#buddy can we go one step at a time#that side track went on for almost ten mins and i was actively trying to turn the convo back!!! but we got back to the main issue!!#and i PRY that information out of him by baiting him to answer like i'm fucking cross-examining at trial#and come to this conclusion that it sounds like the tenants ARE vacating on the 29th#to attempt to get a firm answer i go 'okay so the tenants WILL vacate that's what you're telling me?? there's no problem??'#and he said 'under the tenancy act we can't force them to leave'#WHAT DOES THIS MEAN#BUDDY YOU'RE KILLING ME#what's a nice law job where i don't have to talk to people#work stories#sarah talks about herself
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THE MOST FRANTIC SCRIBBLE IN THE WORLD BECAUSE HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT OFFICIAL MERCH OF ATSUSHI WITH GAY PEOPLE EARRINGS WHAAAAT WHAAAAT??!!!111111!11111
#fuzzy rambles#osomatsu san#atsushi#i mean i know why i didnt know.#girl who doesnt keep up with fandom + there are like 5 atsushi stans in the world#plus the offical TWITTER HAD HIM HIDDEN. THEY HID HIM FROM ME#this and that totonyaa date offical art i missed head in my hands AURGHH GAY PEOPLE#todomatsu os also saur cute in this merch but its not about him rn ATSUSHI.#atsushi osomatsu san u will always be famous and funny to me#remember when they brought him back for one episode just to make him suicidal LMAOAMSKONWDOICNOJEDC#sorry my sleeper agent got activated#todomatsu frantically looking up which ear is the gay ear#ok i have to go to bed
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the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart
#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but#you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they#should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc#they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant#the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look#exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway#god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else#inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home#i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty#there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air#med school students walking to their lectures#she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now#there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven#ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen#tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you#more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO#ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!!#anyway im like . sane.#i just . felt like it was over#i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself#that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too#its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW#BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND#WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!!#anyway#standing up it just feels so#exhausting#like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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guys should i go meet this guy?
#he’s the one who said he’s in charge of me 🫣🫣#he’s 8 years older than me#which isn’t really that much#and he seems really funny and cool#and by meet I mean like go on a date#not like meet at his house or anything sjsjsjsj#he is a bit condescending you know in the way that some men are#but he’s also funny#and I can tell he’s rich#and he’s really handsome#AND JUST COOL OKAY AJJXSJJSJS#idk I haven’t been excited by anyone since I got back into dating#actively got back into dating **#granted I’ve only been actively back into dating since last week#but I get on well with him!#he seems soooo confident and like he knows what he wants!#god knows why he’s interested in me!#probably just wants to hook up#which I won’t do immediately#BUT IDK I feel like if I meet him I’ll turn to jelly akdjsjsja#did I mention hes 6’3 😭😭😭😭#GUYS WHAT SHOULD I DO#I started talking to him a few days ago
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#feels like i shared this one b4 but i cant find it so idk so whatever#p.s. edit the date is cropped out oops this is from march actually#but still relevant yreeee#anyway whah ha h the core of my bullshit#like for like 2 years ive been more actively drawn to the feeling & the idea of like#yea idk being genuine and expressing yourself and just doing the things you want feels like what it's all about.#big start in all this was the stuff vyletpony was saying about the Antonymph song & the personal meaning / manifesto of it. you know#but i got nothin#like don't even feel like im rly holding anything back or having self-imposed barriers of shame or whatever. just nothing#like if you cracked open a dam and shit's all dried out so what was the point actually#feelin like an npc. nothin complex going on in there. surface level mechanisms#wah wah wah wahwah.#shevr
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i have such a reputation that four separate people incorporated pringles into my birthday gifts. be that girl
#to the point my one mate today (the one i almost ditched in that seminar LMAO) ((WAIT I NEED TO TELL YOUSE ABOUT HIM))#anyway! he was like 'oh i actually got you something!' which given our dynamic despite RECENT DEVELOPMENTS AHEM#is so unusual like he was NOT required to get me a gift. but then i immediately was like 'it's pringles isn't it'#and he was just like 'sigh. yeah' LMFAOOOOO#and you know what? chuffed to utter bits. ive already eaten half of them in 24 hours. scranning even more as i type this#anyway back to that guy. so you know i sometimes mention my flatmate from first year who also happens to be on my course#so off the bat we've got a weird friendship bc he's not just a coursemate bc i also lived with him#but also first year halls were assigned not chosen so it's not like we were actually FRIENDS#especially bc my flat did NOTTT get on lmfao so me and him were mainly just. acquaintances who lived and studied together?#very strange foundation to have with someone. but we went all of second year barely staying in contact#and then this year we live in the same area and for the LIFE of me i cant remember how we got back in contact#but all of a sudden we were messaging every day and meeting up before lectures and sitting together in them and stuyding together etc#and we get on REALLY well like he has my exact sense of humour i know ive posted about him several times#over the past three years being like 'me and this guy are the funniest people i know' 'he would do bits on tumblr' etc#AND THE OTHER WEEK HE ADMITTED THAT HE LIKES ME AND WE WENT ON A DATE#AND IT WENT REALLY WELL BUT I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME FIGURE OUT HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM#SO IM TRYING NOT TO PUT PRESSURE ON ANYTHING and i was super clear w him also that im not actively searching for anything#so if smthn happens organically then it happens but if not it's my final year and that will always take priority and he was super chill#so i dont feel like i HAVE to make a decision just yet but we're going out again tomorrow#and it's like. even if it doesnt become smthn romantic i just really click with him?? like we get on so well??? IT'S SO FUN#AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS! WOOHOO! pringles post derailed by a MAN. awful#hella goes to uni
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t*yl*r sw*ft getting dragged every 5 business days... i used to pray for times like these.
#i'm sorry but i hate her so fucking bad#i must speak my truth#god her music is so mediocre and her performative activism actually fooling a generation of young girls is so pitiful#like... you have a bunch of sw*ft*es actually thinking she is some closeted lesbian... bffr#mind you she only started spewing her fake woke “gay rights” shit after she got cancelled in 2016#like why are you shocked by her dating that awful man? surely her lame rebranding after reputation didn't fool you fr?#god... i miss 2016#back when people realized she was a performative white feminist that only used feminism for her benefit#lmfaoo i remeber swifties trying to defend her about the private jet shit#i wonder if they will claim “misogyny” in response to her dating an edgelord neo nazi#at the end of the day she doesn't actually practice what she preaches like it's all part of her brand#and also she isn't secretaly dating karlie kloss or whatever#in fact karlie is married to a trump in-law like... the jokes write themselves#anyways if you wanna stand a white pop girl so bad ariana is right there#sabrina is also right there#britney is still standing#in fact britney's blackout album is better than anything she has ever released i can tell you that much#i know i will most likely get jumped by her racist cult fanbase but i must speak my truth#maybe i won't have to hear that stupid anti-hero song at the grocery store anymore
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Every now and then I have to remember I got into oni for the gameplay. I bought the game solely because the gameplay looked interesting to me. Even once I realized there was lore I actively decided I didn't care enough to go through it. I fell down the rabbit hole on Accident. And it's all because I read scientist Bubble's journals and realized that onis story was the most me bait thing I've ever seen Ever
#rat rambles#oni posting#to be clear the main reason I was actively avoiding getting into the lore is that I wasn't feeling ready for a new interest yet#in fact after I read the lore I tried to not dig deeper for that same reason and well. I failed.#and Im glad I did oni makes me absolutely insane it has like Everything I like in stories#the only think we're missing is complicated sibling relationship but its ok I can fix that with some bullshitting#I love oni sm from both a game and story perspective alas it shares in its bretheren dont starve in having a horribly out of date wiki#oh wendy my boy Ill go write down all of your missing dialogue at some point#wendy got to be my break in the formula by being my first male blorbo since lancer according to my hcs lol#but then I went right back to the usual formula with olivia lol wendy is still my beloved but he will remain one of a kind#which reminds me I should think abt olivia in the constant more at some point and the weirdly depressing quotes I could give her#pulling out the gun that is oni earth being a smoggy hellscape to make olivia go :o at normal ass rain#gotta love rain that isnt mildly acidic and painful#also. sits. what do we think abt the dupes breaching to the surface and olivia seeing the stars for potentially the first time ever#I think abt it. I think abt it a lot.
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thank everything thankable in the world my request for a week delay on my thesis was granted or else i would not have been able to be held accountable for my potential actions tbh
#im still stressed beyond compare but at least it's somewhat doable now :'^)#i've worked SO hard for this and before i got sick i was actually pretty happy with my progress#but nooooo i just HAD to be admitted to the hospital for almost an Entire Week LITERALLY the week before the due date#like im not joking it was originally due TODAY#''well why didn't u work on it in the hospital?🤨'' I WAS SICK DUDE ???!! ?! ! I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE MY LAPTOP!! !#i pretty much didn't have ANYTHING but the clothes on my back going in i was not prepared for it At All#and since the hospital is like a minimum 5 hour round trip and i had no idea when i would be released#i couldn't just ask my flatmate with a car to deliver it for me seeing as he's working full time and it was in the middle of the week#oh well lol#ANYWAYS if you've read this far ; i probably won't be very active the next week due to the aforementioned thesis jsyk tihi#does fish make noise??
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also tomorrow i need to tell some really nice dude i went on a couple of date with that it's just not gonna work out and not trying to be dramatic or anything but the stress of it kinda makes me feel like a piece of charcoal in a burning bbq
#and it's the only free day in the entire year at the museum so it's gonna be crazy busy all day right before i meet him so that's nice#i knew dating was a mistake lmao#btw i'm not afraid he's going to hurt me or go crazy or anything but i really hate hurting people feelings#also oversharing supreme mode activated but like...#i just realized that i actually never had to reject someone after actually going out with them#my teen/super young adult self just kinda ghosted people until they got mad and then i was like well fuck you i guess (yeah that's bad)#and now i usually just straight up reject every attempt at dating me and immediately put people in the friendzone#and my whole problem is that i actually really only feel friendship for this guy after all#so i'll be quite sad if he don't want to interact with me at all anymore and it might makes things slightly awkward#since we have common acquaintances#but it is what it is#i'm probably overreacting tbh#like we went on 3 dates and i honestly feel like i'm gonna ask this man for a divorce#like i'm sure he'll be kinda sad and maybe a bit mad but i'm out there with the level of guilt i'd have if i left him after 20 years#your girl is NOT ready to date i need more time more healing and another break from weed#do I even want to go back into dating like ever is another question but let's not go there tonight i'm already fatigued enough
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#hi guys... i know that i havent been the most active lately... mostly because work is hectic right now and all my free time is spent with#family friends and my bf#to be honest i don't know if i'll return to writing... I've slowly been losing motivation but it really is a shame#i've loved my time here and i don't know where my journey will go next#but i will keep my blog up for now and reblog stuff occasionally.#honestly it seems that since full time work and bf got combined I've had less and less time! its just a part of life#and i'm incredibly grateful for those who gave me advice durinf my online dating era... it all led up to my life right now and i couldn’t#be happier. sure our relationship isn't perfect and he isn’t but i truly feel that he's perfect for me. i'm the happiest that i've even been#and i'm thankful for u all that commented on my shitposts and talked me through it all. it got me through and even my bf thanks u all for#getting me through it as well :)#idk why i feel so sappy right now but i'm just feeling grateful.#and happy hehe. my bf met one of my oldest friends from my hometown and he just. idk. after we drove back he told me that he realized that#he's v protective of me when he's walking dt with me lol (it's filled with very strange people that yell) and i could tell lowkey because#his hand would squeeze mine and he would pull me toward him or beside or infront when we talked past sus people#and idk he was looking at me a certain way and i was like stop looking at me (he was gonna make me blush lol) but he just said 'why am i not#allowed to look at my future wife' !#and u guys i wanted to SCREAM like... wow my bf lowkey has rizz tf lol#idk i'm happy 😊 thats the life update see u guys sometimes :)#e.txt
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i think the research side will actually be very fun for this. it will be like. my politics degree if i was interested + committed to it + present at my lectures and seminars + had the opportunity to mention teeth and/or the discography of post-punk band xtc in my essays
#thinking about the one essay i got to do on british punk politics back in october. love you forever sweetheart the apple of my eye...#got lots of research to do. but how fun it will be!! and though this is a long shot if anyone has any material / recommended reading on#british trade unions/the miners strike in the 1980s or (british--or general) queer activism in the 1980s that they could suggest that#would be. more than appreciated i would take you on a date even or send you a fruit basket and a thank you note with a lipstick kiss on it#will obvs be finding my own but. well i figure if ever theres a social media site where theres a chance people will have that sort of stuff#it will be this one innit. the more i talk about it the more i think i want to have a crack at it although. it will still be insane to me#if i actually manage to produce a multichapter work. ME. well there is no rush xx for now i think. i will have a little break xx#god i have posted TOO MUCH today. sorry GOING NOW!!!!!!!
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happy new season everyone!!!!
#not entirely sure what my plans are for today but there‘s a good chance i miss the comps 💔💔#i‘m curious what the vibe will be like with the mats tho#bc i haven‘t seen the quali either djsjdjs#anyway i‘m trying to be a bit more active on here so here‘s a short life update:#i‘m in my gap year and it‘s treating me good so far!!#i‘m currently back in my old job in a retirement home#it‘s definitely not my dream job but the people are (mostly) nice and the work itself isn‘t too bad#tbh i haven‘t really got much planned for what comes after? which is stressing me out a tiny bit#and then i should also decide what to study in uni next year#which is… difficult 💀#so well there‘s still a lot of things to figure out but overall i‘m in a pretty good place rn!!#also. this week i went on a date????? me??? still haven‘t quite processed that that happend#it was really good but she lives quite far away so idk :(#and bc of that i came out to like 5 more people in the span of like… 2 days lmfao#anyway and today i‘m going out for dinner with some friends i haven‘t seen in a while <3#overall excited for everything that‘s to come 🤩
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i’m simultaneously riding such an emotional high and being extremely depressed in that there’s so much in my life going well right now but also all i do when i get home is drink and go to bed
#shhh sharkie#like i’ve got so many creative projects going right now#i’m sewing im painting im playing dnd im making bracelets#but also i can’t bring myself to draw for october art challenges im just so art blocked there#and work was getting to a point that i was legit weighing whether to stick it out or jump ship#but a lot of things have clicked into place in literally the past week that im like no i actively want to stay and see this shit through#and i’m finally gonna be able to bring this bird home!!! i’ve been prepping my house and her house very extensively and i’m so excited!#i think having a lil creature in my house that i have to take care of but also is social and wants to hang with me is gonna be so good#and also also consistently being on T again has been making me feel so much better#but also like i feel like i’m just. not utilizing my time or connections?#i don’t hang out with my friends until they contact me first usually#i had a sorta date but it turns out she has a boyfriend but also they’re open but also she’s looking to be with women more now#but also i’m maybe an exception? idk??? and i haven’t texted her back and that’s literally my worst trait is im terrible at texting#so it’s on me but also idk what the vibes were???#i should just ask outright shouldn’t i.#either way. i feel like im fucking everything up but also im at my peak and i vacillate between those two emotions every twenty minutes.#someone just come smack me or smth
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