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sokkas1mp · 3 years

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I gonna break in this acocunt with me being angry about something that doesn't really matter (very fitting for tumblr if you ask me), this article.

First: "And I’m sorry to open with this, but part of that is due to the age difference between them. Two years is hardly worlds apart (I’m personally working with four), but a 12-year-old boy and a 14-year-old girl are. Especially the way these two are drawn. Not to be too voyeuristic about Y7 cartoons, but Katara has clearly gone through puberty, while Aang hasn’t. There is something just…off, about a sixth grade boy having a full on make-out sesh with a high school girl."

This argument is one of the most stupid ones if you ask me, because it blatantly ignores the culture we have been presented by the show. I can understand why people find this weird, but we have to try not to look at it as if its our society, because its not. In A:tla, specifically the water tribes, 16 is marrying age. Right there, our "age norms" (idk what else to call it) are very different. And there are no divisions between ages in their world like we have with middle and high school. To me, two people are fit to be together based on their maturity, not their age. That's why 45 & 40 is not the same as 15 & 10, or 20 & 15. This is the same for Kataang. They have very similar life experiences and matured together, literally side by side, so a two year ago gap is irrelevant.

Second: "...Katara took on a very maternal role with Aang. Sure, she’s a caretaker and sort of a “mom friend,” but it’s a bit more than that. She served as his literal guardian during the show’s run—there’s just no other way to look at it. By the third episode, she called herself his “family,” and later even went on to role play as his mother to get him out of trouble at school. Aang, meanwhile, was… Well, I wouldn’t say “immature” for his age, […] However, Katara is 14 going on 25, while Aang is just, Aang."

There's a compilation of Katara doing thing with Aang that if someone saw a mother doing with her son they would call it incest:

Katara definitely acts motherly towards Aang, but that is just her nature. She is more than just motherly with him. And some people like to call the check kisses familial (which is kinda weird imo), but we know Katara herself doesnt think that:

"Easy there, big brother" She pushes Sokka away. Not to mention, this was about a scene or two before she kisses Aang on the check.

Calling someone close to you your family does not mean you see them in the same way you see your parents/siblings. And Sokka played Aang's father in that scene, but we aren't sitting here using that as evidence to call him Aang's paternal figure.

Something Aang haters forget (or chose to ignore) is that being lighthearted and goofy does not equal immature. Yes, Aang does some juvenile things, but that shouldn't take away from his growth and maturity.

Third: "In fact, in the last season, Katara was shown to be uncomfortable each time Aang kisses her, and even went as far as to tell him to back off with the romantic stuff in the episode before the finale, because she was confused about how she felt. [*new paragraph*] Yet, in the end, she just trots up and blushes at Aang, than happily makes out with him when he goes for it,"

Katara initiated 2/4 of the kataang kisses (not including the check kisses). The kiss in The Cave of Two Lovers and the kiss in the finale. Yes, she's the one that "goes for it" in the finale (she also initiates the hug). She only pulls away once out of the 3 times we see a kiss end (this would be excluding the kiss in The Cave of Two Lovers). She wasn't confused about her feelings, she didn't want to have to worry about a relationship when they were nearing the end of the war.

Fourth: "The post-canon comics only furthered the lack of exploration of her feelings in this relationship"

Fifth: "[referencing a scene in The Promise in which Katara is jealous of a fanclub being around Aang] "I'm sorry, this amazing, adult communication is blowing me away"

The are both still teenagers, who have zero previous relationship experience. Also, Aang had no ill intentions and Katara recognized it.

Sixth: [refencing Katara's role in The Legend of Korra] "Did Katara want to do anything other than sit in a healing hut and be known for having Aang's kids?"

This is another argument that just pisses me off. You can not use Katara's lifestyle in her 80s (she is 85 in s1) as judgement for her adulthood. It's purely assumption based. Constantly this author assumes that because she is in a relationship with Aang, Katara would drop her whole personality. What? Katara would not and could not be forced to do something or conform to some label and Aang wouldn't let it get to that point either. He would squash any idea that she is just "The Avatar's wife" or "The mother of the Avatar's children" the minute he heard it.

Seven: [comparing Katara's reaction to Aang The Desert to Aang's reaction to Katara in The Southern Raiders] "You'll spend a long time looking for her condescending tones. "Anger won't help, Aang," Katara never said, because she got that he was processing something painful and needed to sort it out himself. This difference in behavior is something that would be really fitting for a twelve year old boy to learn and understand. There's just no indication that he ever did."

Maybe I'm remembering wrong, but I don't remember Aang being condescending towards Katara. He was offering his advice because he knew her and knew that she would regret doing what she thought was right when her judgement was clouded by anger. And guess what. He was right. He never forced anything on her, either. Sure, he was a bit more pushy than he could've been, but in the end he let her go on the trip with no complaints. He even agreed that this was something she had to do.

Eighth: [referencing The Ember Island Players] "When the actor says 'Wait! I thought you were the Avatar's girl', Aang agrees. Katara is his."

You know damn well Aang doesn't see Katara as just his. And she's give him PLENTY of reason to believe that his feelings are reciprocated (which they are).

Ninth: "It's the story of a woman who swallows everything lest the man she's interested in has to learn anything about his behavior that violates her boundaries."

Ha! You said she was interested in him.

But in all seriousness, you mentioned how Katara stood her ground and told Aang that she was confused, but apparently now she's swallowing her feeings.

Tenth: [talks about the cloud babies daddy issues]

I don't disagree with what is said here, for the most part, but I don't think it is a reflection on Aang and Katara's relationship.

Eleventh: "... given what what we got with Kataang, it's completely unsurprising that Aang and Katara's parenthood/adult life was defined by a lack of communication and availability, at least from what we can tell. This also puts Katara's choice to immediately moved to the South Pole once Aang died in perspective; perhaps the city he poured all his energy into, at the cost of his family, held some bitter memories."

Once again with the lack communication. We can't use the early years of their relationship to determine their whole relationship. Also, there wasn't consistently a lack of communication, you just pointed out one time and ran with it.

We don't know at what point Katara moved back to the South Pole, but there are plenty of reasons for Katara to leave Air Temple Island:

a) Her son moving in/or planning to move in with his family.

b) She was no longer needed in the city and thus had no need to stay.

c) She wanted to go back to her native home for comfort after the love of her life died at a relatively early age.

d) The next Avatar was discovered and she came home to train them.

That's all. Thank you for reading my unnecessary rant if you made it this far, and I just want to close out with a few things:

- There were some things in the article that I did not include for the fear of this becoming a novel of me repeating myself.

- I agree with most thing said in the final segment of the the article. Most, not all.

- I appreciate the author for not trying to shove Zutara in just because Kataang wasn't there. That is becoming increasingly uncommon, so it was nice to see.

#kataang #pro kataang #katara #aang #pro katara #pro aang #atla

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wuzzupketchup · 3 years

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UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN

This drama came out in 2019 but it’s only now that I got the time and energy to watch it. I’ve had a lot of recommendations from a bunch of people to check this one out. Finally, I did. This is gonna be a full-on review so brace yourselves. Warning: Spoilers possibly ahead.

Time and again, I’ve told people that I am a sucker for great storytelling. Toss me a line in your opening sequences and if I like it, I’m gonna grab on and sink into the story with you. What happened here was that I kept tugging at the line and wasn’t able to sink until about Episode 4.

Okay. The show actually has merits. I’ll list them down one by one.

1. Great concept. Right off the bat, it is nice to see a BL defy the norm. The soulmate/reincarnation theme was something that we normally get to watch on heteronormal media. Really refreshing to see it incorporated into a BL series to separate it from the “usual” themes we have in this genre.

2. Cooking/cuisine. I love the fact that we are introduced to Thai cuisine, specifically, desserts. My knowledge of Thai food is just basically limited to pad thai and tom yum. So it’s nice to get educated in this area especially international viewers like me.

3. Soundtrack. The series has pretty decent music. It’s not the most outstanding, but it was enough to put you into the mood to watch the scenes/episodes. The upbeat song they used for the more cheerful scenes was my favorite.

4. Dean/Pharm relationship. I’d have to say that this was in fact a very healthy relationship. I liked that boundaries are explicitly established and that even if they were together, consent was still a major factor.

5. Side couple supremacy. I’m sorry but I was really more interested in the Team-Win duo. Eventhough they had such limited screentime, they actually managed to steal my attention. Every single frame that Buon is onscreen, he effortlessly grabs the attention. Prem, on the other hand, was so natural that I had his character as my most favorite. The way he was overprotecting Pharm like he was a baby was just so endearing to me.

6. No girlfriend to ruin the story. I’m so done with stories that incorporate a girl just to stir things up. That being said, the female support in this series was so good to watch (well, maybe Manaow can be a bit irritating most of the time lol).

Now, where do I begin for the not so positive points? For the record, I was meaning to drop the entire show after Episode 3. It wasn’t doing anything for me. But thankfully, I chose to stick it out. Although, I don’t recall watching another BL show where I had to fast forward scenes more than this one. I’ll talk about it later. Here goes the list of minus points:

1. Opening sequences. Good Lord. I wasn’t prepared for it. Like, it literally shocked me I had to stop watching after just 5 minutes in. Once I got over the initial shock, I came back and just started shaking my head. The entire opening was devoid of logic and badly executed. But hey, I can forgive this bit because the whole story is hinged on it.

2. Korn and Intouch. Pivotal characters but sadly, falls short, by a long shot. I should say first and foremost, they were miscast. Not the actors’ fault though, more on the production’s side. There was literally no chemistry between Kao and Earth. Now here’s one major problem for me. I didn’t feel connected with the supposedly OG couple to even care about their reincarnated souls. I had to fast forward their scenes because I found them borderline disturbing and cringey. I was looking for clues as to why Korn fell madly in love with Intouch but I didn’t find any. Intouch, to me, was annoying and creepy. Emotional investment was really hard to come by with this series.

3. Pharm. Oh Pharm. You were cute with your shyboy demeanor at first, but I was mildly irritated once the series progressed. I felt like he had a rather boring personality. Had he not been the reincarnated Intouch, would Dean even bother? That’s a question I was waiting to be answered in the end but I think I’ll just draw out my own conclusion.

4. It’s awfully long, to the point it has already become dragging. Literally, it was a struggle to finish the whole thing. I mean, 17-45 minutes-ish episodes are nothing compared to your normal dramas but from a BL standard, it’s rather long. Some scenes could have been chopped off but still would push the narrative forward. Was this fan service? I don’t know really.

5. Dream sequences. Okay. These were important to the story but midseries, I was so done with them because it seemed like nothing was coming out of it. Fine, Kao and Earth story arc was the focus. And that it was to establish that Dean and Pharm were the reincarnations. But other than that, what was accomplished? Just have some random nightmare and then hyperventilate? At least Dean made a move by having Korn and In investigated but Pharm? What did you do about your nightmares? Me thinks it was just a ploy to have Dean by his side.

6. The final revelations were anti-climactic. Imagine building up the events of the tragic past, only to have a resolution that seemed too convenient. Why say so? Was it just me or did any of you feel like all the obstacles that were supposed to be in Dean and Pharm’s way were consciously removed? This was where I felt super underwhelmed with the writing. The OG lovers had hell to deal with but the reincarnated lovers seemed to have a walk in the park. I’m not saying that they should also go through hell but seriously, there was no real conflict to resolve by the end. Hence, it was a let down.

7. Switching families. Korn being reborn into In’s lineage and In being reborn into the other. I didn’t actually get the point here. I was predisposed to the notion that reincarnated souls tend to come out in the place where they felt they were most loved. Or did I not get the memo it has already changed? Lol. But yeah. It didn’t make sense for me for the OG couple to be reborn in the other side of their respective families. I mean, where’s the familiarity there? It wasn’t even shown that each one had a deep seated connection with members of the other’s families to merit such occurence.

Overall, I enjoyed the story for the most part. I’m sorry if the points I raised in here differ from yours. But the thing is, I watch not only to be entertained. I was constantly trying to find logic to what was happening onscreen especially towards the end when the revelations started coming out. The writers, I have to say, had a penchant with creating unnecessary moments.

Kudos to LineTV and Wabi Sabi for coming up with this very out of the box series. Although I had a lot of reservations, I was still able to appreciate the effort. There were moments of brilliance, but sadly, it was inconsistent.

Would I rewatch it? Hmm. Maybe Team-Win sequences only.

I’d give this a 6.5 out of 10 stars. ⭐️

#until we meet again #bl series #deanpharm #teamwin #uwmatheseries #uwma korn #uwma win #thai bl #review

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hellomynameisbisexual · 4 years

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I’d go so far as to say that the nomination probably saved the site, in fact. For those who need a little background: despite being a small voluntary project the site was nominated for the 2014 Publication of the Year award by Stonewall, the UK’s largest LGBT charity, just nine months after its inception. This was a landmark step in Stonewall’s positive new direction on bi issues. To the best of my knowledge, this was the first time Stonewall had specifically nominated a specifically bi publication or organisation for an award. At this point my co-founder, who was taking care of the business side of things, had recently jumped ship and I was seriously considering packing the whole thing in. I won’t lie, I was astonished to read the email.

I’d worked on a publication which won the award under my editorship a few years previously. Unlike Biscuit, however, g3 magazine – at the time one of the two leading print mags for lesbian and bi women in the UK – had an estimated readership of 140,000, had been going for eight years and boasted full-time paid office staff and regular paid freelancers. Biscuit, by contrast, was being dragged along by one weary unpaid editor and a bunch of unpaid writers who understandably, for the most part, couldn’t commit to regularly submitting work.

Little Biscuit’s enormous competition for the award consisted of Buzzfeed, Attitude.co.uk, iNewspaper and Property Week. We didn’t win – that accolade went to iNewspaper – but the nomination was nevertheless, as I say, a huge catalyst to continue with the site. I launched a crowdfunder, which finished way off target. I sold one ad space, for two months. Then nothing. I attempted in vain to recruit a sales manager but nobody wanted to work on commission. Some wonderful writers came and went. There were periods of tumbleweed when I frantically had to fill the site with my own writing, thereby completely defeating the object of providing a platform for a wide range of bi voices.

The Stonewall Award nomination persuaded me to keep going with the site

The departure of the webmaster was another blow. Thankfully by this point I had a co-editor on board – the amazing Libby – so I was persuaded to stick with it. And here we are now. I don’t actually know where the next article is coming from. That’s not a good feeling. But, apart from for Biscuit, I try not to write for free anymore myself, so I understand exactly why that is. As a freelance journo trying to make a living I’ve had to be strict with myself about that. I regularly post on the “Stop Working For Free” Facebook group and often feel a pang of misplaced guilt because I ask my writers to write for free, even though I’m working on the site for free myself, and losing valuable time I could be spending on looking for paid work.

Biscuit hasn’t exactly been a stranger to controversy, in addition to its financial and staffing issues. Its original tagline – “for girls who like girls and boys” – was considered cis-centric by some, leading to accusations that the site had some kind of trans/genderqueer*-phobic agenda. Which was amusing, as at the height of this a) we’d just had two articles about non-binary issues published and b) I was actually engaged to a genderqueer partner, a fact they were clearly unaware of. Now the site is under fire from various pansexual activists who object to the term “bisexual”. To clarify – “girl and boys” was supposed to imply a spectrum and, no, we don’t think “bi” applies only to an attraction to binary folk. The site aims the main part of its content at female-spectrum readers attracted to more than one gender because this group does have specific needs. But there is something here for EVERYONE bisexual. Anyway, it’s a shame all of this gossip was relayed secondhand, and the people in question didn’t think to confront me about it (which at least the pan activists have bothered to do). We damage our community immeasurably with these kinds of Chinese whispers.

Biscuit ed Libby, being amazing

Whilst trying to keep the site afloat, I’ve also been building on the work I started right back when I edited g3, and trying to improve bi visibility in other media outlets. I’ve recently had articles published by Cosmopolitan, SheWired, The F-Word, GayStar News and Women Make Waves and I’m constantly emailing other sites which I’ve not yet written for with bi pitches. Unfortunately, although I am over the moon to be writing for mainstream outlets such as Cosmo about bi issues, it’s been an uphill struggle trying to persuade some editors out there that they have more readers to whom bi-interest stories apply than they might think. It’s an incredibly exhausting and frustrating process.

Libby and I are doing our best with Biscuit. I can’t guarantee that I would be doing anything at all with it if Libby hadn’t arrived on the scene, so once again I would like to mention how fabulous she is. But we desperately need more writers. We need some help with site design and tech issues. We need a hand with the business and sales side of things. We can’t do it without you. And if you know any rich bisexual heiresses who read Biscuit, please do send them our way. 😉

Grant Denkinson’s story

denkinsonpanel

Grant speaks on a panel chaired by Biscuit’s Lottie at a Bi Visibility Day event

So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in.  

“I’ve been involved with bisexual community organising for a bit over 20 years. Some has been within community: writing for and editing our national newsletter, organising events for bisexuals and helping others with their events by running workshop sessions or offering services such as 1st aid. I’ve spoken to the media about bisexuality and organised bi contingents at LGBT Pride events (sometimes just me in a bi T-shirt!). I’ve helped organise and participated in bi activist weekends and trainings. I’ve help train professionals about bisexuality. I’ve also piped up about bisexuality a lot when organising within wider LGBT and gender and sexuality and relationship diversity umbrellas. I’ve been a supportive bi person on-line and in person for other bi folks. I’ve been out and visibly bi for some time. I’ve helped fund bi activists to meet, publish and travel. I’ve funded advertising for bi events. I’ve set up companies and charities for or including bi people. I’ve personally supported other bi activists.”

 What made you get involved?

“ In some ways I was looking for a way to be outside the norm and to make a difference and coming out as bi gave me something to push against. I’ve been less down on myself when feeling attacked. I’ve also found the bi community very welcoming and where I can be myself and so wanted to organise with friends and to give others a similar experience. There weren’t too many others already doing everything better than I could.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“There have been great changes for same-sex attracted people legally and socially and these have happened quickly. Bi people have been involved with making that happen and benefit from it. We can also be hidden by gay advances or actively erased. We still have bi people not knowing many or any other local bi people, not seeing other bisexuals in the mainstream or LGT worlds and not knowing or being able to access community things with other bis. We are little represented in books or the media and people don’t know about the books and zines and magazines already available. The internet has made it easy to find like-minded people but also limited privacy and I think is really fragmented and siloed. It is hard to find bisexuals who aren’t women actors, harmful or fucked up men or women in pornography designed for straight men. We have persistent and high quality bi events but they are sparse and small.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?

“I’m fed up of bi things just not happening if I don’t do them. Not everything should be in my style and voice and I shouldn’t be doing it all. I and other activists campaign for bi people to be more OK and don’t take care of ourselves enough while doing so. People are so convinced we don’t exist they don’t bother with a simple search that would find us. We have little resources while having some of the worst outcomes of any group. I don’t want to spend my entire life being the one person who reminds people about bisexuals, including our so-called allies. I’m not impressed with the problem resolution skills in our communities and while we talk about being welcoming I’m not sure we’re very effective at it. I’m fed up with mouthing the very basics and never getting into depth about bi lives and being one who supports but who is not supported. I’m all for lowering barriers but at a certain point if people don’t actively want to do bi community volunteering it won’t happen. Some people are great critics but build little.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Why are we doing this personally? I’m not sure we know. How long will we hope rather than do? Honestly, are there so few who care? Alternatively should we stop the trying to do bi stuff and either do some self-analysis, be happy to accept being what we are now as a community, chill out and just let stuff happen or give up and go and do something else instead.”

Patrick Richards-Fink’s story

085d4de So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in.

“Mostly internet – I am a Label Warrior, a theorist and educator. Here’s how I described it on my blog: “One of the reasons that I am a bisexual activist rather than a more general queer activist is because I see every day people just like me being told they don’t belong. It doesn’t mean I don’t work on the basic issues that we all struggle against — homophobia, heterosexism, classism, out-of-control oligarchy, racism, misogyny, this list in in no particular order and is by no means comprehensive. But I have found that I can be most effective if I focus, work towards understanding the deep issues that drive the problems that affect people who identify the same way that I have ever since I started to understand who I am. I find that I’m not a community organizer type of activist or a storm the capitol with a petition in one hand and a bullhorn in the other activist — I’m much better at poring over studies and writing long wall-o’-text articles and occasionally presenting what I’ve gleaned to groups of students until my voice is so hoarse that I can barely do more than croak.” So internet, and when I was still in school, a lot of on-campus stuff. Now I’m moving into a new phase where my activism is more subtle – I’m working as a therapist, and so my social justice lens informs my treatment, especially of bi and trans people.”

What made you get involved?

“I can’t not be.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“I feel like we made a couple strides, and every time that happens the attacks renewed. I hionestly think the constant attempts to divide the bisexual community into ‘good pansexuals’ and ‘bad bisexuals’ and ‘holy no-labels’ is the thing that’s most likely to screw us.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?  

“It is literally everywhere I turn – colleges redefining bisexuality on their LGBT Center pages, news articles quoting how ‘Bi=2 and pan=all therefore pan=better’, everybloodywhere I turn I see it every day. The word bi is being taken out of the names of organisations now, by the next group of up-and-comers who haven’t bothered to learn their history and understand that if you erase our past, you take away our present. Celebrities come out as No Label, wtf is that. Don’t they make kids read 1984 anymore? It’s gotten to the point now that even seeing the word pansexual in print triggers me. I’m reaching the point now that if someone really wants to be offended when all I am trying to do is welcome them on board, then I don’t have time for it.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Stay strong, and don’t give them a goddamned inch. I honestly think that the bi organizations – even, truth be told, the one I am with – are enabling this level of bullshit by attempting to be conciliatory, saying things that end up reinforcing the idea that bi and pan are separate communities. We try to be too careful not to offend anyone. Like the thing about Freddie Mercury. Gay people say ‘He was gay.’ Bi people say ‘Um, begging your pardon, good sirs and madams and gentlefolk of other genders, but Freddie was bi.’ And they respond ‘DON’T GIVE HIM A LABEL HE DIDN’T CLAIM WAAHHH WAAHHH!’ And yet… Freddie Mercury never used the label ‘gay’, but it’s OK when they do it. And he WAS bisexual by any measure you want to use. But we back down. And 2.5% of the bisexual population decides pansexual is a better word, and instead of educating them, we add ‘pan’ to our organisation names and descriptions. Now, this is clearly a dissenting view – I will always be part of a united front where my organization is concerned. But everyone knows how I feel, and I think it’s totally valid to be loyal and in dissent at the same time. Not exactly a typically American viewpoint, but everyone says I’d be a lot more at home in Britain than I am here anyway.”

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msladyrosa · 4 years

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I'm here to tell a story that my heart is screaming at me to tell.

This is me. I fucking hate myself, just as much as I fake loving me. I don't think I've ever been this contempt as I was in these photos. I'm awkward and I fake confidence by throwing sarcastic and snarky comments. My coping mechanism consists of lying and just hiding behind my fake me. I've created a confident, pretty and delusional front that isn't me, but it's just as real as the raw version. My raw is ugly and disgusting and I hate it. I hid it and for the love of the non existent God there is, I wish I didn't have the raw side. I write in my skin, because if I went back to cutting, then I would no longer have pretty skin that people can love. I love eating, but I don't do it, because of the fear of losing my 36,28,42 measurements. I'm suicidal, but heavens forgive if I make a joke about it in order to cope with my insane itch to make my skin purple. My arm hair is soft and the last time I shaved I was scared that someone might see the thin, white lines that are underneath. My body is sexy as fuck, but Heavens forgive me if I actually feel comfortable in it. Thoughts of "they'll be fine without me" or "it's better if I'm not here" are drowned by the words I told someone who was a suicidal as me, "killing yourself would not make the pain disappear, you're just passing it on to someone else". I'm such a fucking hypocrite, or is it just a twisted way of actual introspection? What is wrong with the way I walk funny because I'm dizzy for the lack of food is that people notice. Oh great deity in the sky, please allow them to notice, but forgive them is they dare to ask what's wrong. I look happy and relaxed in the photos, hell yes, but not I'm an anxious mess that's writing this in the middle of a mental breakdown. Parents are never the one's to blame, no forgive them for not validating their children's emotions and struggles. No, strict parenthood creates strong-willed, rightful and successful people that think of themselves as worthless, weak, pathetic excuses. Oh we lie, and we lie good. Ask actors if they had strict parents... You'll find none, why? Because strict parents will inforce you an internalized fear of failure outside of social norms and acting is "a waste of time" to their standards. Support doesn't come from the right sized bra, but it sure as fucking hell is welcoming to be held and somehow relived from a burden you didn't fucking asked for. I was so happy ya'll. I was in cloud nine. That day I had a date with a guy I like that I thought was way out of my league, I lied my way through his pseudo intellectual remarks and he believed it.

We know how to lie so good and so true that eventually you lose track of your actual motive to do it in the first place. Society wants you perky and pretty, fuck yeah they do. How do I get all perky and pretty when I only see disgusting, overdosed surroundings? It's easy to get worried when you finally realize somethings not right. It wasn't right to be kneeling at someone's feet screaming a nasty and raspy wail of pain. 10 years it took me to fucking do that and yet nothing really changed. Now I'm just looked at with pity and the quizzical look that can only mean "when is this one gonna blow up again?" Oh, honey, I won't, you're just worried that you're just realizing this now. It's easy to be outside and just stay that way.

I was so happy, all the time. I was forced to lie in order to move forward. You love me? Yeah, as long as you earn it. Are you proud? Sure, as long as you don't fail. Am I okay because I feel like this? Well, it's fine as long as you keep it in. It's beautiful. "As long as..." my reality had always been subjected to a condition, and clause, a fucking constant reminder that I have to earn my happiness. I have to earn my own idea of self worth that is diluted through your standards. I have to earn reassurance from the people I surround myself. I must assume the best case scenario but I can't be surprised when it's the worst outcome.

Having loved a mad human made me realize how flawed I am. I was happy. So, so happy I forgot I wasn't. I tortured myself through endless nights of doubt, starvation with a full kitchen. Sleepless nights contemplating self harm and then decided against it because I had work and the cute client at work would see how damaged I was. I tortured myself with the idea of loneliness in a see of people, only to realize I've been in that see long enough that I grew a tail and fins. I was plagued my guilt because I didn't love them, but when exactly did it go from happy to uttermost bullshit? I was so happy I forgot what sadness was.

I was so happy it started hurting. Hurting when I failed to do something. It was excruciating when I was not able to buy a car because I had noticed I had spent my money of pleasing those who swore they'd provide for me. I was in pain when I showered and instead of singing, I just blasted music loud enough so that nobody heard my hyperventilating bitch ass. I was in so much pain that I welcomed it as my way of happiness. I loved my pain, because I've had it my whole life.

I had it when I was in forth grade and in order to fit in I had to go a sneak around to kiss a boy, and I didn't want to. It was there when I was accused of fighting other girls, but in reality I was trying to establish my self worth, so I was punished. In fifth grade I loved a boy so much I had written beautiful words to describe how much I loved his smile, and so he said I was stalking him and he got scared; 2 months later I was in a shrinks chair talking about it; fast-forward to last night, that same boy explained to me how much he wanted to fuck me now that he had lost weight. Middle school was terrible. Seventh grade, I was constantly degrading myself because another pretty blonde chick was only my friend when she could laugh through me. I insulted a perfectly great teacher because she noticed my self destructive behavior. Eighth grade came and I was lost with a blonde boy. He was beautiful and I was not. He was friends with the girl that swore fielty to me and he chose someone else and because he chose the pretty pale skin on someone else, I settled for the kid that wantedto finger me in the bleachers during recess. Ninth grade came and I was failing classes, parents were strict and hurtful, but they aren't to blame for my shortcomings. That's when I found myself in the arms of the pretty blonde thing I had fallen for. The pretty girl had him in public, I could only have him when we snuck around and he would hold me and kiss me like holding on to his life line. I was letting him touch me, but my self hatred didn't know no boundaries so I suck to my knees and gave my first blowjob at the top of staircase wearing only a lazy purple bra and the school uniform and the shame I'll forever wear because I did it without wanting to, but because I was expected to.

I was so happy to be out of there, that I ended up sinking deeper into my lie. I was smart, new and vulnerable. That's how I met the wholesome boy I called my first boyfriend who was nice and respectful, but he was as ugly as they come. I was a queen to him, but he was looking more like the ogre on the fairy tale and there came my vanity, my ego, my selfishness. I was brutal and I couldn't care less. High school started with a bang with the boy I played with, and when he got to close to my actual raw person, I kicked him out with a bang and he cried. I just stood there not knowing how to react, so I just went on to the next person I could lead on and play. Junior year I knew was difficult, and a black boy with a nice boy and a promising basketball future came around, I once again craved approval and degraded myself to it. That's how I ended up sneaking around 10 minutes before my parents picked me up. In the second floor, I'd found myself again on my knees, and expected to give a blowjob in exchange for attention, and like before, I was hidden, and I expected to be I had tears in my eyes, but because of my shame. Senior year came in, and the black boy with the attractive body was replaced with another, but this one only had pretty eyes and the promise of spoiling me with his family's money. Once again, I said yes when he said he wanted me to be his girlfriend, at least this time I was not hidden, but I was back in the cycle and I ditched my best friend in a movie theater so that I would be in the backseat on a Dodge, sucking my pseudo boyfriend's dick with tears on my eyes, not becauseofhis size, but becausethe disgust towards myself. Like before, I was expected to do so, and so I did.

Heavens above forgive the religion to blame women for sin and lust, but instead punish us for the boys who couldn't keep their dicks to themselves. The end of senior year came, and I was relieved, but then I fell for the guy my parents liked. Humble background, similar interests, and a promise of stability. I was ditched because for him I was a whore and his friends told him so, I accepted the insults and insinuations.

I was so happy, I forgot the rest. College was great and a religious nut job, a platonic love, a semi smart dipshit with the complex of being over everyone in experience, a quiet mature man that treated me with decency, the suicidal broken guy who needed healing #1 and the suicidal broken guy who needed healing #2, later, here I am.

I was so happy in these pictures, I had no idea was contemplating my own disappearance. I write this with migrane, blue ink from a ballpoint in my thighs, with nostalgic memories of moments where my mind wasn't this crowded. I was so happy it hurt. I guess that my logic dictates that happiness is painful and that my pain can bring me joy, but fuck I was so happy.

I had everything. I was pretty, I was smart, I was important. I'm still all those things, but right this very second, I'm happy, and painful so. Heavens above forgive for I have sinned...

I dared to fail... I sinned

I dared to fall into lust... I sinned

I dared to judge... I sinned

I fucking dared to wake up every miserable day... I had sinned.

I dared to be painfully happy... I sinned

I lied... and so that's my greatest sin of all.

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gotarcher94 · 5 years

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The Witcher

So I’ve watched the first season of the Witcher on Netflix and all I can say is holy motherfucking shit. That was a good season.

I wanted to jot down a few things that I liked about the season, bearing in mind that I haven’t yet read the books and have only played the Witcher 2 and 3. I will be using spoilers so consider this a spoiler warning.

(Also this will be a long post)

OK? OK

Henry Cavill

When Henry was announced I gotta admit I had some doubts over the casting. Not because I don’t rate him as an actor but I just couldn't picture him as Geralt. My personal pick was Zach McGowan, known for playing Charles Vane in Black Sails. He had the gruff voice, he looked like the game version of Geralt, and he even had similar hair. Just dye it white and he was good.

But having seen the show... I recant every syllable of my foolishness.

Henry Cavill is perfect as Geralt. He perfectly embodies the White Wolf. From his sarcastic sense of humour, to the subtle emotion on his face to the conflict he has while making the decisions he does. Absolutely perfect casting.

Anya Chalotra

Speaking of perfect casting, Anya is an incredible Yennefer of Vengerberg. Like Henry she perfectly embodies Yennefer. Anya plays the evolution of Yen superbly, from her beaten down and almost broken early days to the immensely powerful and confident sorceress she becomes later, she performs both absolutely perfectly.

And to all those who say that Anya is wrong to play Yennefer because she doesn’t “look like her”.... I cannot say shut the hell up loud enough. She was incredible and deserves all the accolades that should be sent her way.

Freya Allan

And rounding out the three main characters, the show is three for three in terms of perfect casting. I loved her independent and driven nature, continuing to keep going on despite all the trouble going her way despite only been about 11 or 12 (i think, not 100%). Her strong bond with both Queen Calanthe and Mousesack is evident, despite the relative lack of screentime devoted to it. I can’t wait to see how both the character and actress evolves over the (hopefully) seasons to come.

Geralt and Ciri

I loved the “the girl in the woods will be with you always” transition in the first episode, that eventually came full circle in the finale with the two finally meeting (with the run and hug scene!). Having seen their bond fully established in the games (I know they aren’t canon) I cant wait to see it develop on screen

Queen Calanthe

Is a badass. End of story. Ruling a kingdom, fighting at the front of every battle, effectively flipping off destiny and law of Surprise and being an incredible role model for Ciri. Absolute awesome character and Jodhi May did such an incredible job playing her.

Yennefer’s backstory

As a game only fan in terms of knowing much about the characters when I went into this season, my knowledge of Yen’s backstory was pretty much nonexistent, as I can’t remember it even being mentioned in the two games I played (of which Yen was only physically present for one). However, the show delved deep into it, and I’m glad they did. It simultaneously made us empathise fully with Yennefer but also established the basis for her desire to grow stronger and be in control of her own destiny and future, and why she was then so frustrated being in the mire of courtly intrigue, not able to grow higher.

The Yennefer and Tissaia dynamic

One of the most unexpected but welcome events of the show was the dynamic that they two shared. It was not the typical mentor and apprentice relationship and I appreciated the change from the norm. From Tissaia’s initial attempts to bring Yennefer to heel before eventually being the one to tell Yennefer to unleash her chaos during the battle at Sodden was great.

The striga episode

I mean..... just wow. As soon as they mentioned Temeria I had a feeling that it would be the striga, as it was one of the few things that I knew about from the books. And holy shit they did not disappoint. From the investigation aspect, to the fight scene, to the music. It was incredible episode and one that I cannot wait to get back to when I re-watch the series

Battle of Sodden

The main focus of the incredible finale. I had heard of the Battle of Sodden during the games but to see it was something else. A great battle scene combined great fights, solid battle plans and incredibly cool magical skills. And also,during the night scenes, you could actually see what the fuck was happening. See GoT! It isn't hard!!

Vilgevortz

As soon as his name was revealed in the episode, I’m not gonna lie but i may have gone full fanboy. I know a little from what was mentioned in the books and have read a little from other sources about his story in the books and was immensely excited when he showed up. And I cannot wait to see his story unfold on the show and see him interact more with Yennefer and meet Geralt and Ciri.

Jaskier

From what I know, calling him Jaskier (his original name in the Polish stories) instead of the English name of Dandelion was one of the problems people had with the show. And I have to ask... does it really matter? He still acts like him, talks like him, annoys Geralt like him. He is the same character, the showrunners are just honouring his roots.

And he brought some comic relief to the series in just the right ways, especially in the djinn and dragon hunt episodes. Joey Batey was great.

Music and Cinematography

Both of them were absolutely fantastic. Every episode looked and sounded phenomenal. I’ve been listening to a few tracks from the soundtrack that have made it onto YouTube on repeat for a while, most notably “Toss a Coin to your Witcher”. However, one track that I really liked but haven't been able to find is the battle theme from the striga fight. If anyone could send me a link to it, I would be incredibly grateful

Fight choreography

All of the fights this season were absolutely fantastic. Both the human fights and the monster battles. Geralt and Duny vs the Cintrian soldiers, Vilgevortz vs Cahir and (my personal favourites) Geralt vs Renfri and her gang from episode 1. All of them superb and I couldn't have asked for more from the fight scenes.

Magic

I really like the magic system they set up in this series. Not only is it incredibly diverse (with the finale alone showing us Vilgevortz constantly creating swords, Triss making poison mushrooms grow beneath the feet of the army and Coral wiping out a whole section of the Nilgaardian army) but I really like the idea that it isn't just them tapping into a great power, that there can be a great cost to performing these spells. Not something that a lot of fantasy series do.

Cahir

He was a great antagonist throughout the season and again I know little in specifics about him but I know that he is important to Ciri’s story, so I am looking forward to seeing that develop further.

Geralt and Visenna

I loved the scene of the two of them in the finale, even if it proved to only be a dream/hallucination. The “How do you like my eyes?” line legit gave me chills. Incredible acting by Henry there

Geralt and Yennefer (Yenneralt?, I think certain parts of the fandom have settled upon)

Now, as a game only fan prior to this, my exposure to the relationship between the two of them was limited, as the games only touched upon it in the Witcher 3. Before then it was told that Geralt and Yennefer had an epic love but it was very much tell and don’t show, as Yennefer didn't appear in person until the Witcher 3 and by then CDPR had developed the Geralt and Triss romance story in the Witcher 2. And I’m not gonna lie, I was fully into their romance during my playthroughs. Not that I didn't like Yennefer but I just didn't have the same basis into their bond that the book fans did.

After Season 1, however, I am fully onto the Geralt and Yennefer ship, having seen it develop as it did.

Methinks it may be time for another playthrough, as well as buying the books.

Things I’m looking forward to seeing on the show in the future

1. Yennefer and Ciri meeting

2. Seeing Geralt and Ciri bonding more, with some time together at Kaer Morhen

3. Thanedd Island (eventually)

4. Zoltan!

5. Regis!

6. Vesemir!

#the witcher #witcher spoilers #henry cavill #anya chalotra #freya allan

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ivy-miranda-2390 · 4 years

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In Defense of Anakin Skywalker (and Hayden Christensen)

I grew up with Star Wars, my whole family loves Star Wars. I was 8 when I saw Episode I and afterwards, I was completely immersed in the Star Wars universe. Ewan McGregor's Obi-Wan Kenobi was probably my first fictional boyfriend and I'm unashamedly still in love with him too.

Episode II: The Attack of the Clones came out when I was 11 and so naturally I was excited to see the continuation of the Star Wars prequel universe. However, nothing could have prepared me for the absolute utter gorgeousness of Canadian actor, Hayden Christensen who was cast to play the adolescent Anakin Skywalker.

My memories of first seeing Episode II are fond because I got to see the movies with my older siblings while on vacation in Myrtle Beach. It was probably my first experience of being accepted among my older adult brothers and sisters or the feeling of 'grownupness' as I like to call it.

So Attack of the Clones has always been an special film to me because I saw it at a time when I was no longer being viewed as a child, but as a growing teenager.

It's also why I've always been rather defensive of the film too. While the film was titled Attack of the Clones, it may as well have been re-titled, "Attack of Anakin Skywalker (and subsequently, Hayden Christensen)". For over 20 years, there has been an absolute and indescribable hatred of Anakin Skywalker and many people blamed both Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christensen's supposed poor acting as the result of a badly done Anakin.

And to be honest even though I had a massive crush on Hayden Christensen and was hardly a movie critic at the time, I felt that at times that Anakin could have been better acted. However, I was young and didn't care about the script or the acting. Yet, for years I constantly defended, Attack of the Clones, Anakin Skywalker and Hayden Christensen. Partly due to nostalgia, partly to being a teenage girl and most of all partly to do with understanding the character of Anakin as being misunderstood, misinterpreted and not being treated as an adult by the elders in his life.

Did Anakin have problems? Yes.

Were most of these problems his fault? No.

Did Anakin ever try to fix these problems and better himself? Everyday of his life.

He had nothing, but he gave everything

The prequels were written as a timeline of a boy's journey from goodness into darkness. Anakin's life is a story arch of sacrifice and redemption. Life has not always been good to Anakin. He was born a slave with no father. He was raised in the strong love of wonderful mother Shmi Skywalker. While Shmi may have been scared and confused as to how she conceived a child without a man, she raised her son in love and simple contentment.

Chances are Anakin and his mother probably faced terrible abuse in their time as slaves and more than once, Anakin may have been separated from Shmi as leverage for greedy slave owners. Although a slave, Anakin was never a victim. He may have been physically owned, but his heart and mind were free. He was his own person, always thinking outside of the box, building, creating, questioning everything and everyone. Not to mention a little wild and rather reckless.

Even as a child Anakin was a little strange to people. For a slave to have such a hopeful and positive attitude may have seemed bizarre to outsiders, but that was just the norm for him. Shmi once remarked that her son knew nothing of greed. For a boy raised with nothing, all he had were his talents as an inventor and growing pilot. And he used his talents for other people. He built C-3PO to help his mom, he entered the podrace to help Qui-Gon Jinn, he always gave without any expectation of being thanked.

A spirit that refused to surrender

After Anakin is freed and sent to train as a Jedi, that wild spirit was still intact. Much to his by-the-book master's dismay. Anakin didn't have the opportunity to grow up in the strict Jedi Temple that was built on order, rules and tradition. As a child, Anakin was use to being himself and not fitting into anyone's mold. His original dream was to be a pilot, not a Jedi. No one asked him if he wanted to be a Jedi, no one asked him if he wanted to be trained by Obi-Wan Kenobi.

While Anakin may have been grateful for both opportunities presented to him, overtime he may have seen this new life as not to different from the one he left. A life run by others. Telling him what to do, where to go, how to dress, how to behave. He survived as a slave because he dared to dream and imagine and refused to be defined by others.

Now he's thrown into a culture where individuality is looked down upon. He lived through the stifling Jedi order because he still held onto those qualities. He was going to be himself on his terms. He would nod his head and say yes when he needed to, but off the clock he would live by his own rules. Something that Obi-Wan and the Jedi order could not understand. And Anakin is getting frustrated by this.

So now we get to Attack of the Clones (and the Attack of Hayden Christensen). Critics came down hard on both Anakin and Hayden. Constantly complaining about Anakin's constant complaining, his tantrums, broodiness and being a crybaby about everything. Critics blamed the disaster of Anakin Skywalker on the terrible miscasting of Hayden Christensen. The only redeeming quality Hayden Christensen had that saved him was the fact he was so easy to look at.

For years, fans were desperate to know who Anakin Skywalker was. And so the pressure to deliver a good character that could measure up to the icon of Darth Vader may have seemed insurmountable. And so when people got this confused, overemotional 19 year old, who has no experience in love or sex, but is madly in love with a beautiful young women; and who wants to be respected in a highly established culture, without losing himself or conforming, well people were just disappointed. The disappointment can be explained in one of Anakin's most famous lines.

"HE'S HOLDING ME BACK!"

He, being George Lucas who was holding back Hayden's actual talent to create a good three dimensional character. Plus his bad script writing. Poor Hayden was just made to read lines on a page and somehow make this sad character somebody that people can root for. Unfortunately fans and critics ate him alive. It's only in recent years that people have begun to realize that they were blaming the wrong person. And by blaming Hayden, they were completely misunderstanding Anakin as a character.

His most beautiful gift, his most fatal flaw

Of all of Anakin's gifts, his ability to love deeply was probably his most profound and his most dangerous. The Jedi Temple forbade romantic attachments to others and for good reason. When you become attached to or love someone beyond the boundaries of platonic friendship you become afraid of losing them. The end of my review for the Star Wars prequels sums it up the best:

In The Phantom Menace, Yoda warns Anakin about the dangers of being afraid. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. Anakin's most beautiful attribute is also his most fatal flaw. His ability to love deeply. Yet, if you love someone you will always live in fear of losing them. Anakin was created by darkness, but raised in the light of his mother's love. His own love was made manifest by Padme and then by their unborn child/children. However, Love no matter how strong can be weakened and even be destroyed by the evil of fear. If the prequels taught anything about life, it taught how fear (even in its smallest form) can be be our most detrimental enemy. Living alone in fear and not seeking help is a signing of our own death warrants. What might have happened if Anakin had gone to Obi-Wan and seek his help? Would things have been different? The prequels were not meant to tell a happy story. They were written as a timeline of a boy's journey from goodness into darkness. No, they don't have the silliness or humor of the Originals, because there is nothing humorous about someone's self-destruction. Yet, the story of Anakin Skywalker's transformation had to be told in a way that was real and heartbreaking. To take Darth Vader and make him a human who could feel and understand and love could be an insurmountable task. Yet, you only need to watch his death scene at the end of Return of The Jedi to see that the humane part of Anakin Skywalker had always been there. The prequels were made to be built on that final scene of redemption and human love. A husband's love to save his wife became a father's love that could overcome darkness and hate. An extreme love that defied fear and held on to hope. That was the love of Anakin Skywalker.

Anakin could be a bratty and immature young adult. However, to only base a character by his few annoying flaws is overlooking the bigger and better picture. Anakin was an outsider his whole life and yet that never seemed to bother him. He never cared about fitting in. He was content being himself and he refused to let Obi-Wan or the Jedi Order or even Padme change him. He held onto who he was for as long as he was able to. Then the tragedy of losing his wife changed that. The indomitable spirit wasn't broken, it was destroyed. Anakin re-entered a life of slavery for over 20 years.

And he was ultimately freed by one person. An orphan who once had nothing but a talent as an inventor and dreams of being a pilot. A young Jedi with an unbreakable spirit that refused to surrender to evil or fear or pain or loss. A son who loved his father so deeply that he would fight to the death to free Anakin Skywalker forever.

#star wars #anakin skywalker #hayden christensen

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potagepotiron · 5 years

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Hate crime

Season 3 of WTFock has ended, Robbe & Sander have found love and everyone is eagerly awaiting Christmas. It is a time to be happy. Well I’m not. I’m not happy because of how WTFock handled an important event that could have been a gamechanger for LGBTQ fiction. I’m talking about the hate crime that ended episode 28. The way in which this plot line was conceived, handled and received, tells you a lot of how our society views minorities.

Fist and foremost, I am a SKAM fan. I watched every clip and every remake. My favourite is Season 3. Because I’m a gay man. I also know this series can change people’s minds. How different crews made it into their own and are very proud about the result. So I had high hopes when a Flemish version of Season 3 was announced.

So I was watching season 3, had a few remarks here and there, and then came that slur. I’ve written about it earlier. To a gay man like me, familiar with internalized homophobia, the concept of using a terrible slur and throwing accusations at Sander like Robbe just seemed baffling. Do not do unto others what you wouldn’t want them to do to you. You wouldn’t subject another human being to such hate, because you know how it feels. Pure and simple. And then, the hate crime happened.

Let’s be honest, WTFock failed in handling the hate crime, from the absence of trigger warnings before the clip, to the immediate aftermath, right until the very end of the series. There was no middle ground, it either had to commit to its choice and be brilliant or fail. It failed miserably. It chose to portray Robbe & Sander as victims and refused to show any form of queer resilience. And even when it became clear, near the end, that they decided to have the attack trigger other major events in the story, the writers opted to not address the hate crime. And to the optimists stating that the attack could be dealt with in Season 4, I say this: too late.

Personally, I wouldn’t have included graphic violence in the first place. To me there is no value in showing violence. I seriously doubt its inclusion in a series aimed at a teenage audience, because the negatives (trauma and copycat behaviour) far outweigh the learning opportunities, even when handled perfectly. I couldn’t finish the clip. That night, I, a grown man of 35 years of age, was wide awake in my bed until 4 in the morning. I couldn’t sleep, knowing that a number of LGBTQ youth saw that clip and became afraid. Decided to hide in the closet for a bit longer, maybe. The scene simply is not worth it.

And despite my sentiments, the reactions online seemed to disagree: “we needed to show this. We needed to be shown this. People need to know.” I couldn’t understand. Trust me, I know about gay bashing. And so should you. I read all the articles in newspapers about the atrocious hatecrimes in Belgium and elsewhere. I know who Ihsane Jarfi is. Friends of mine who are in a relationship have been scared to go out late at night. I’ve been called names in the street myself. I know. The quesion is, why do I need to see two boys being beaten and left in the street?

I don’t think the depiction of a gay bashing had its place in WTFock. However, I do think that a discussion of homophobia should be included, albeit in another way. Gay violence and intolerance could have been a part of the talk that Robbe & Milan had. I’m not demanding to turn a blind eye to homophobia or to sugarcoat a story. Also, I myself am not blind to homophobia. On the contrary, I have encountered more of it this year than ever before. Belgian football, for example, is still rife with homophobic chants. And recently far right politicians have stressed the need to clearly define norms and abnormality with regard to sexual orientation and the rights to adopt or to get married.

The real question is what kind of homophobia the show chooses, wants to or needs to battle. Gay bashing is a radical example of hate, but hate has many forms. And all hate is the result of a much more complex undercurrent in Flemish society. Hate stems from fear of the unknown, indifference or lack of knowledge. And that is why Flemish LGBT interest group çavaria remains committed to eradicating homophobia in schools. This behaviour can be unlearned. Education is key. And that is why it was a good decision for WTFock to zoom in on the reactions of friends after a coming out. They could have gone the extra mile, though. Homophobia is far more varied and widespread than WTFock shows you.

Back to the hate crime. I wonder why the WTFock writing team missed the mark. Norwegian SKAM director Julie Andem demanded that research into the local youth culture should precede any adaptation of the original content. I’m finding it hard to believe that the gay community was on board with the decision to show a gay bashing. I consulted among my gay friends and all thought it was a bad idea. I also wonder whether or not anti-gay violence is a problem that is typical of Flanders. It’s hard to find reliable data on hate crimes and to interpret it because there could be a reluctance to report incidents, but there seems to be no significant difference between Belgium and its neighbouring countries, nor is there a statistically significant rise in homophobic attacks during the last years. There has been a rise, but that could be due to a higher percentage of people reporting incidents.

I’ve argued that the choices the writers made are bad, and that there is little or no claim to say that hate crimes are typical of Flanders, no more than anywhere else in Western Europe or Scandinavia, where the series originated and where gay bashing wasn’t included. But do I believe that the writers knowingly sabotaged their own writing efforts? Surely not. Yet, it’s hard to pinpoint why the series was developed the way it was without hearing from the makers. Chances are we’ll never know. Unlike their French or Norwegian counterparts, the screenwriters have, up to now, chosen not to communicate on the series. It is my perception that indifference to its LGBTQ audience, an appetite for drama and shock value and a degree of ignorance manifested itself throughout the series. That may or may not have been the intention of the makers, we can’t know, but it certainly had that effect on me as a viewer.

As always, a part of me that says I’m being too harsh. I can imagine it’s a lot less difficult and a lot more relaxed to write series on superheroes then it is navigating your way through the pitfalls of minority representation or gay televised fiction, a genre that exists less than 30 years and of which the rules are being rewritten constantly. It’s also not easy to have a number of militant gays like myself looking over your shoulders constantly, scrutinizing every line and every motive and picking on the one detail that got overlooked.

And should we dismiss the entire series because of this one incident? Let’s move on, Sander and Robbe are happy. Isn’t that a heartwarming prospect to gay kids? But this relativity is the problem. Silencing a hate crime not a detail. Showing violence on tv has repercussions, and they can’t be undone by having a cute gay couple smooch underneath a Christmas tree. A SKAM remake has a responsibility towards its audience. And it’s not that a chance like this comes around often. Budget cuts in locally produced fiction will mean it will take years before there’s another chance to see local gay fiction on screen. So every chance we get needs to be perfect. Because it will affect a new generation of young people.

Ultimately, the question is why it is so hard to have good quality gay stories, made by queer creators for a queer audience? Why was this series made by three white middle-aged men with a background in marketing, with only one of them with proven credentials in screenwriting? Why is it so hard to hire gay actors or to find authentic gay voices? Is it really necessary that a series like SKAM S3 contains “learning moments for the straight community”? Can’t we, for once, make a tv series without taking into account the heterosexual majority? It might be a bit tentative of me to say this, but I’m sure Niels Rahou, the writer of Season 3 of SkamFrance, wouldn’t have included a gay bashing scene. He has commented frequently on his scenarios, he is openly gay and he stated he would have benefited from a similar series during his adolescence. I don’t think the Belgian writing team wrote with the same sense of urgency or treated SKAM as a passion project.

To end, let’s go back to the original version of Skam Norway. The reason why the format was so revolutionary is precisely because being gay or coming out wasn’t a big deal. Jonas didn’t bat an eyelid when Isak told him he’d been with a boy. His friends were fine with it, and so were his parents. Isak faced an internal struggle, gradually coming to terms with and being the result of living in a heteronormative society. But ultimately the mopey kid with a love of sleeping waged a bigger war with his eternally overflowing locker. He just accepted his sexuality. In the end, though, Isak had grown as a person and showed serious committment to his boyfriend Even. But the eye-opener of the series was the way in which same-sex attraction was treated as something not to worry about.

As a reaction to the way in which homosexuality was depicted as part of mundane everyday life, people rightfully complained that this story was a bit too rosy. And it’s true, there is white middle class privilege in this story. Among certain communities, coming out still isn’t evident and living a gay life is considered unsafe for some people. Yet, Julie Andem would rather show her viewers with a vision of an ideal world, in order to help and comfort a LGBT audience, than care about what the public would think of the season. I think WTFock could have been more attentive to that message.

Luckily, for most of us, being gay doesn’t lead us to being the victim of a hate crime. That doesn’t mean we can turn away from the reality of such violence. But almost all of my gay friends have, one way or another, been confronted with various examples of homophobic behavior. More often than not, these instances are based on ignorance and are more small-scale in nature. Being called names in the street. A supposedly witty remark made by a drunk uncle at a Christmas party. Or take the well-known Flemish tv personality who, in all his innocence, made a plea for abolishing the Antwerp gay pride parade during a televised comedy show in june. He was applauded by the audience and genuinely seemed impressed by his clever, seemingly inclusive reasoning. More often than not, the threats the homosexual community face consist not of the raw violence of the physical attack, but of vulgarity, stupidity or ignorance. It is a potentially dangerous to narrow down homophobia to physical attacks and take the risk to have your audience believe that they’re in the clear as long as they don’t punch someone to death.

The only way things will change for the better is when the heterosexual majority steps up its game. This means they have to change, they have to start questioning their accepted beliefs, or how they educate their kids. Ultimately, they themselves won’t benefit from these changes, on the contrary, society as a whole will be a bit less tailored to them when heteronormativity is eradicated. Inclusivity is about the majority caring about the minority. So this is my advice to the WTFock team. Don’t care about clicks, controversy or drama. Don’t perpetuate the representation of LGBT individuals as victims of a harsh outside world. Dare to shake up old, established narratives. Show that homophobia is far more pervasive and far more subtle than the large-scale evil of a hate crime. And if you’re going down that route anyway, commit to it. Don’t brush it off. Status quo is no longer an option.

#wtfock #skam belgium #Skam

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rayboh · 5 years

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Why Movies Lie to Us.

If you have ever watched a movie and not picked apart all of the small nuances that the production team got wrong, did you really watch the movie and take it in? In practically every movie, there is a sense of falsity. Whether you believe that the romantic couple should not have ended up together or the war movie was told in a different sequence to real life, they all lie in some way, shape or form. Some call it a cliche or recognizable trope that the viewer knows to be untrue, but believes anyway for the sake of the plot. In any matter, movies lie to us, and I am going to tell you why…

Whenever watching a romance movie, no matter how bad the plot, actors, or set, I always become invested in seeing the whole thing through; I am enamored. Take the Hallmark channel, for example, every movie has basically the same plot--boy meets girl, they eventually fall in love, there is a conflict, and they get back together to live happily ever after. While the actors and scenery vary from movie to movie, they all follow the same structure, so why do people, such as myself, keep watching each one? It is the illusion that it brings into my life and the subsequent disillusionment of reality, which brings me back to watch more movies. None of these movies have a true basis in reality, which is why the disillusionment can hit almost every time. Not every person gets their happily ever after, and surely not every person makes up as frequently and as quickly as those in movies do, but there is always a yearning for real life to happen the way it does in movies. The enchanted feeling I get from these movies is a reason why movies lie to us. The production team knows that these movies invoke this feeling and the suspension of reality that I get, and so they also know that I will keep coming back for more movies of this sort. I will never be satisfied with just one fake romance because my significant other will never be as perfect as any love interest the movie industry can conjure up.

Once I get used to the different plots and sequences that movies can be shaped into, I get used to the lies, and most of the time, expect them to happen. Have you ever questioned why the nerd always gets the girl, or the best friend always knows what to say, or even that every character gets paper bags from the grocery store, which are filled with at least one baguette? Probably not, but that is because you are used to seeing it over and over again throughout many different movies and it is now considered the norm. These norms are established through popular culture and constantly change throughout the years, but they can still be considered lies. The movie industry does this because it is easier for them to establish a connection with me if I already understand the concept and recognize it from past narratives.

Sometimes the lie can be necessary for advancement of the plot. I know that this character in a mystery movie, most likely a curious young man or woman in their late teens, doesn’t have any background in law enforcement, but the break-through of the plot relies on them solving the case. This is a loop-hole. No one in real life would be able to do half of the things people in movies do, but we believe it anyway because we are hooked on the plot and the closure that the lies may bring about. The emotional appeal is always strong; the plot advocates for me to side with the main character, so when they are put in dire situations, I am emotionally attached to them coming out the hero or for the better, so that the plot may be concluded.

In the mystery and crime genre, many a time, the main character breaks several laws in their act to solve a case and bring a killer, or whoever the antagonist is, to justice, yet there is never any repercussions brought about because of it. In real life, if I break a law looking for someone, my actions will have notable consequences and cannot be brushed off because I solved a different crime or mystery; I will be held accountable. The character in the movie is rarely held accountable because what would it achieve in terms of the plot or message, and in terms of audience approval? Nothing good. With my rooting for that character to solve the case--a perspective fashioned by the production team--I am also attached to their actions, and if they were held accountable in the movie, I would become indignant and outraged that someone who just possibly saved the world, or the small town, from a villain would be punished in any way.

In conclusion, movies lie to us because they can. The movie industry has established a set of norms within the community that people like you and me already buy into, whether truthful or misleading. They know that if I become emotionally invested in a genre or a character or a plot-line, the industry will keep producing more like it because they know that I will buy into it. I become stuck in the illusion that movies can bring to my reality, or I have seen something so many times over in different productions that in seeing it again, I won't bat an eyelash. When we become invested, we invest in more movies that lie. Sometimes we see the lie as truth, and sometimes we see past it and ignore it for the sake of the plot, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is, in fact, a lie.

#movieindustry #lies #movie #essay #conspiracy #hollywood

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ianxfalcon · 5 years

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You know, I normally don’t think a lot about The Kingkiller Chronicle, because as a general rule I prefer to think about things that I like or things that I absolutely hate. But as I was repairing some clothes for the upcoming renaissance fair, I remembered a line from the first book that really bugged me.

Kvothe was complaining about how poor he was and the thing he focused on was that he had to make do with two shirts and that he had to mend them with the wrong-colour thread. At the time, I was mostly annoyed because this is a kid who’s lived on the street for four years, begging and stealing to survive, and now that he has a roof over his head and three meals a day, he’s complaining about not being fashionable enough? It was, to my opinion, really strange and whiny considering that this should be the norm in the world that the book has presented to us. It felt more like something a modern college student would be concerned about.

But as I was thinking about it today - growing increasingly annoyed because I was thinking about it while sewing, an activity I hate passionately - I suddenly realized something that put my dislike of both the book and the character of Kvothe in a new light.

(Before we begin, let me just state that yes, this is a KKC hate post. If you like the series and Kvothe, that’s great and I’m happy for you. You do not need to tell me that I’m wrong or have no taste or just don’t understand literature; I don’t care. If you don’t want to read a text being negative about a book you love, feel free to go somewhere else. If you still want to argue, I will probably ignore you, unless you make a good point.)

(For the record, I don’t actually hate the series. I do hate Kvothe, though, which is kind of the same thing, I guess, as he is the narrator and shows up in every chapter of the first book, except one - which is incidentally the best chapter in the book. The Name of the Wind would be a perfectly decent book if it wasn’t for Kvothe. He is terrible. A friend of mine, who is a fan of the series, told me about a plot that happened in the second book, which I haven’t read, and said that I would probably enjoy it because it consisted of Kvothe being beaten up repeatedly.)

So what I realized was this:

The narrative, and Kvothe himself in the role of the narrator, is trying to present him as an underdog. Think about it: he arrives at the University completely broke, he - as he keeps reiterating over and over and over again - has no money, and Draco Malfoy Ambrose Whatever-The-Fuck-His-Name-Is, the rich jock of fantasy, is constantly bullying him. A lot of people treat him like dirt because he’s, like, a nobody who comes here and is so much better than them, how dare he, etc. And of course Kvothe himself likes to remind us (and remind us, and remind us, and remind us) that nobody could ever understand his hardships.

But Kvothe is not an underdog. He grew up in a travelling troupe who were hated, sure, for no apparent reason other than because they were, but they were not oppressed or disadvantaged in any way. They had a rich patron, they had all the income they needed - it’s even mentioned that they didn’t even need to travel around, and could just cancel shows whenever they felt like it if the areas weren’t up to their standards, ie. if they didn’t get the best spot and the best beds and so on. They constantly, constantly looked down their noses at the common people for not being as well-travelled or as well-educated as them.

From the start, Kvothe had a diverse education; he is well-read, he can do sums, he’s a good actor, a god-tier musician (apparently), he speaks Shakespearean fluently; he dresses well and talks well. He had a private tutor giving him lessons about magic and everything else he could want. The book keeps insisting that he’s a genius and makes that the basis of his persona.

Except being a genius is not what got him to the University. All of the things I mentioned above is what got him there. His education, his acting skills, his eye for fashion, the fact that he had the fortune to start doing magic at a young age under a teacher, hell, just the fact that he could read - that’s what got him to the University. None of that was of his own making, really, except coming up with a way to make use of those skills.

There are, even today in our own world, countless of geniuses out there who will never get those chances. They won’t have the opportunities to go to a university because they can’t afford it, they have to work to feed their families, they never learned to read or count in the first place because that education is not available for everyone. There are people who could probably change the world, save the world, but who will die from starvation or easily preventable diseases before they turn twelve. The same is probably true in Kvothe’s world - we know poverty exists, because we get to see it. There are children living on the streets (one of which sees everything he’s ever owned go up in flames because Kvothe is a petty little shit), there are abandoned children living in basements, being cared for by one concerned individual. Some of those children probably were intelligent as well - maybe not as intelligent as a certain protagonist because he’s like a Sooper Genius, but certainly intelligent and talented enough that they could become successful and celebrated in a chosen field. But they can’t. Because they’re poor and uneducated, you know, just like the people Kvothe and his family used to look down on.

Kvothe spends four years living in poverty, and then he decides to stop, and when he does it takes him less than a day to get everything back in order. He spent four years doing nothing except feeling sorry for himself, when apparently all he needed was to just get his act together. But he could only do it thanks to his background; he used his acting skills, which he learned from his parents because they had the time and opportunity to do so, and his reading and mathematics skills - which you can only get from a formal education - to con people and getting money. His acceptance into the University also hinged on education he received - education he would not have gotten unless he had been born into that kind of privilege.

And once he’s off the street, it’s like those four years never happened. He doesn’t reflect on them, he never even seems particularly worried that he’ll end up back there. His concerns are all very shallow: only owning two shirts, which makes him look poor or cheap; having to use the wrong-colour thread to mend them, which will look slightly less good; not being able to go out for a beer or buy luxury items.

Now, I’m not saying that people who grew up in poverty (which, again, Kvothe didn’t; he was twelve when his troupe were murdered) shouldn’t be allowed to enjoy luxurious things, and I’m certainly not saying that they should be grateful for what little they get. But the fact that Kvothe doesn’t even think about it, except to whine about it occasionally when he’s not whining about something else, shows a certain level of... privilege that I’m pretty sure was not intentional.

It would make sense that Kvothe, going from a life in relative luxury to a life that is comfortable but not fantastic, would be upset about it. If he had gone directly from the troupe (I’m sorry that I can’t remember what they were called) to the University, then his attitude would make sense. But he spent four years in poverty and didn’t gain any perspective at all. The way he acts makes it seem like he believes he is entitled to things simply because he is smart and has skills. That is a very privileged way to look at things, and if he had been intended to be seen as a privileged kid who has to work past that, then it would have been pretty good characterisation.

Except, again, he spent four years in poverty. He probably watched people starve to death. He should at least at some point have been worried that the same thing would happen to him. He should know that his being in the University is not some kind of reward for his suffering, but a privilege for a few lucky people.

And yet, he says “I don’t expect anyone to understand.”

Yet, we are supposed to see his story as one of an underdog coming from nothing, fighting, and, against all odds, winning. (And then spending a lot of time in a depression because he’s not Awesome anymore, but that’s a whole other can of worms.) Meanwhile, on the streets of Tarbean, children are still starving to death because they never had a well-off background, a private tutor, and readily available education that they could fall back on.

And maybe that’s not what Rothfuss intended, but that is how I read it. The books, now as then, has one really big problem and that is the way they choose to present their protagonist, or at least the way I interpret him. Am I wrong? Possibly? Does it matter? No.

#oh look ian is hating on kingkiller again #what year is it even????#kingkiller chronicle negativity #kingkiller chronicle criticism #kkc criticism #long post #I hesitate to actually tag the series' name

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go-diane-winchester · 6 years

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Why Misha's fans behave so cult like

Thank you so much for the ask. And don't apologize. It is a very legitimate question. First of all, I did a post of this subject as to why Misha's fans behave the way they do. Why are they so willing to go to such extreme measures for a fictional ship? Why don't they think twice before sending a death threat? I hypothesized that Misha has the personality of a cult leader and he uses sympathy to gain support and devotees. How was it that Misha managed to amass the support of a group of people with such similar personality types. The only thing they haven't done for him yet is kill themselves for him. Well, that is because they exhibit a group of personality traits that makes cult leader types like Misha prey on them.

1. They want to feel validated.

They are looking for approval. They want to be accepted. They want to be part of a group. What a cult does is that it welcomes you and immediately you feel like you are no longer an outsider. The majority of people in Misha's destiel fan base are young people. Teenagers feel very out of place. School is a horrible social concept. And most kids suffer throughout their entire schooling career, because they want to fit in rather than find at least one true friend and stick with them. They don't realize that the whole school doesn't need to like you. As long as you find one friend to care for you, you are fine. The prettiest girl in you school [you know the one that has that handsome jock boyfriend - every school has one] also feels out of place. If she has one little zit, she freaks out. She managed to become popular and now if she gets toppled from the top, she will be a loser and it scares her. So you see, it bothers everyone, even the popular kids. Sometimes, I like being average. Because even if you fall, you don't fall very far. In the destiel cult, whenever one of them does something wrong, others clamour to explain the action and make excuses for each other. They protect their own. Even if the person is wrong. They validate each other.

2. They seek an identity.

There are people who feel like loners. Like they don't belong. They will be in a crowded room and still feel lonely. They want to find their place in the world. They want a group they can clique with. With Misha, there are two groups. The slash fans and the LGBT. Slash is a personal thing. When I was young and into slash, only a few girls in a chat room spoke about it. They all were likeminded because they all liked slash and it was enough for them. They never fought over ships. When actors where asked about ships they were part of, they would just make a joke, smile and more on to the next subject because that is the right thing to do. What Misha did, was speak openly about destiel. So suddenly destiel had a ''platform''. Instead of saying that slash was a personal thing, Misha said that slash was a taboo subject, and that he and the hellers were ''breaking the norm and making it acceptable''. He also made it about the LGBT, who are an ostracized group in many social circles. Certainly in a school environment. So they started to feel that the destiel group was the only one that will ever welcome them. That is how he recruits. And that is why he speaks about destiel even when nobody asks him about it.

3. They are followers, not leaders.

These are people who want to look up to someone. In this case, the cult leader. They want to be told what to do, and they are very good followers. They cling to every word that comes out of his mouth. They will quote him, because to their ear, everything he says is quote-worthy. In Misha's case, it is not just things that he says but also lines of dialogue that are written for his character. Because the words came out of his mouth, they are significant. In Misha's case, he doesn't give instructions directly. What he does is, he plants a thought seed in their mind and from there it grows until the hellers take action because of that thought seed. When he wanted his minions to fight off the girl whom he wanted a threesome with, all he did was tell his friends he was mugged and then tweeted to his fans that he got a few scrapes but that he was fine. They just took it from there, stalking every social media account that the girl had and even following her onto Tumblr.

4. They seek meaning.

This ties in with looking for identity. Every human being wonders what their purpose is. They want to look for meaningfulness in their lives and their actions. Some people do good deeds. Some people look for faith and spirituality. Some people indulge in an art form. Slash fiction is an art form. But what Misha has done, is he has overemphasized it so much, that now the hellers feel that this is their purpose. They want destiel to be canon. They want their hard work of fighting for it to be validated to achieve fruition. And they will do anything to make that happen. If it doesn't happen, the almost ten years of hard work that they put into campaigning for destiel will go down the gutter. They don't want the ship to be canon because it deserves to be canon. They want it to be canon, because they want to be right. They want to tell people ''I told you so''. I theorize that some of them don't even like destiel. They just want to belong somewhere and fight for a cause. It gives them purpose. There are some people who identify as destiel positive.

5. They have schizotypal thinking.

Schizotypal thinkers are people who always have the most fantastical take on anything. They don't think like other people. If an incident happened, like a picture frame falling on the floor, logical thinkers will say ''maybe a gust of wind dropped it when someone opened the front door''. Schizotypal thinkers will go for every out of this world, paranormal reason rather than the most common sense one. They don't really have mental illness. They just have colorful imaginations bordering on stupid. There are cults out there that center their entire thinking around a particular fantasy or nightmare that these types of people have in order to attract them. For people who feed on meta and headcanon, this cult chose destiel. They want to theorize and speculate about a scene rather than accept it at face value. Although I have noticed that seeking validation for Castiel and proving his importance is also something that they tend to do. I hope you have never read destiel meta because it will mess you up. Destiel meta is so over-reaching and shocking to logical thinkers because they dodge what would actually make sense, and go straight towards something that is nonsensical and ship friendly. In fact, most of their posts are about really stupid, debunkable meta, because they want to prove how right they are about destiel. They are not enjoying their ship. They are suffering from it.

6. They are highly suggestible.

They are very gullible people. When they find a cult leader, they believe everything he says. Even if he has a sad excuse for doing something wrong, if he gave the excuse, then it is good enough for them. They will accept the excuse. I have seen Misha insult them to their faces and they just laughed. That is because Misha has put himself into such an authoritative position that, they cant even dream of questioning him, and they will tear apart anyone who dares speak up against him. Anyone who leaves the cult, has to do so without announcing it, because if they are stupid enough to announce it, they will be harassed, or a group of devotees will try to re-indoctrinate them. Sort of like a therapy session to keep you in the group.

7. They constantly blame others.

This is fairly self-explanatory. They don't take responsibility with they mess up. Even as a group, they will put the blame on other people. I have seen hellers pretend that death threats were never brought up in a conversation. In fact, you have to remind them ''hello, I was talking about death threats'' to which they answer usually is ''we are not all like that''. They literally don't recognize that they are causing damage here. They think they are the victims. They are they are being bullied because nobody wants to recognize their brand of truth. They do that with their cult leader, Misha's behavior as well. He can do no wrong. One heller is currently making excuses for why he was leering at children through a school fence. There is one more frequent characteristic I have noticed about them. They ''misunderstand'' the argument being made. I used quotation points, because they do it on purpose. It is their way of throwing sand in your eye to confuse you so you wont know which way the argument is going.

8. They are always angry.

These people get angry at the drop of a hat. They get defensive and are argumentative. I theorize that social justice is very cult-like too. Because social justice warriors get offended for everything. These people have angry energy in them and they look for ways to expend their angry energy. Sometime they will join groups that allow them to stay defensive over the imaginary injustice that they are suffering. In the case, of destiel, they treat it like an ideology instead of a ship. Because Misha Collins ''himself'' spoke up for destiel, it is worth fighting for. Misha gave them half of their validation. Canon will give them their other half. Destiel shippers get so angry if they hear that someone hates their ship, its almost like you kicked their puppy or something.

9. They have very low self-esteem.

These people don't have any personal value. All the value they have is attached to how they can contribute to the cult. Misha have high level minions that he is in contact with, like Melanie aka mishasdiary. She actually has fans of her own within the cult. Can you believe that? Misha puts the shippers down, but throws out something shippy, like bait to keep them hooked. Its their drug so he dishes out liberally. For example he will make a sexual remark about Dean and call the hellers perverts in the same conversation. The high level minions will give the hellers a chance to earn Misha's respect by giving them tasks to do, for example voting for Misha, his character or destiel when need be. Or perhaps fighting Jared for making a joke that ''offended'' them.

As far that that girl is concerned, sweetie, I think its safer for you to just stop talking to her. Don't debate with her. Don't reason with her. She is not going to listen to you. If she persists, just tell her very nicely that you would rather not talk about that. The problem is not her death threats. The problem is your immediate safety. Hopefully, she will take the hint and leave you alone. If she doesn't, then I think you might have to get an adult to intervene, like the school counsellor. Don't confront her yourself. The best bet is to go out of your way to avoid her as much as humanly possible. I wish you the best of luck and let me know if that tactic worked.

https://www.bustle.com/p/if-you-exhibit-these-9-personality-traits-youre-more-likely-to-join-a-cult-9432374.

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bitcoincodereview-blog · 5 years

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In Wake of ‘Major Failure,’ Bitcoin Code Review Comes Under Scrutiny

“Shock” is perhaps the word that best describes the mood ever since one of bitcoin’s most severe bugs was discovered and patched last week.

As the community reels over the vulnerability that was hiding in the code for two years, and that could have been exploited to print more bitcoins than the 21 million is hard-coded to be produced, developers are wondering: Is there a way to prevent such a severe bug from being added to the code again?

Bitcoin Code Review

Days after the discover, there hasn’t been any formal proposals. But that’s not to say the event hasn’t prompted discussion about how bitcoin works and how similar bugs in the cryptocurrency’s most popular software implementation, Bitcoin Core, can be identified and resolved in the future.

It’s an important question, too – What if a malicious actor had found the exploit first? What if there are other hidden bugs in the code right now?

To this point, pseudonymous bitcoin subreddit moderator ‘Theymos’ urged the community not to forget the bug.

He argued it was “was undeniably a major failure” in a widely-circulated post, adding:

“If all of Bitcoin Core’s policies and practices are kept the same, then it’s inevitable that a similar failure will eventually happen again, and we might not be so lucky with how it turns out that time.”

That said, there’s an argument to be made that Bitcoin Core, powered by an open network of global participants, now has a more robust process for code review than at any time in the technology’s history.

Right now, the implementation has more developers than ever contributing to the open-source codebase. And it is tested quite a bit; by one estimate, tests make up nearly 20 percent of the codebase.

The community’s ‘fault’ Still, developers argue more could be done to make sure the digital money works smoothly.

Theymos thinks one avenue would be to build “more sophisticated” tests tailored at locating severe, but hard to find bugs, like the one last week. “Perhaps all large bitcoin companies should be expected by the community to assign skilled testing specialists to Core,” he continued, adding:

“Currently a lot of companies don’t contribute anything to Core development.”

Bitcoin Core contributor James Hilliard stressed much the same, suggesting that developers can increase the “amount” and “quality” of testing. Though, this might be easier said than done. Bitcoin Core contributor Greg Maxwell agreed in Theymos’s thread that testing is important, but the quality and detail of the tests is important.

“Directing more effort into testing has been a long-term challenge for us, in part because the art and science of testing is no less difficult than any other aspect of the system’s engineering. Testing involves particular skills and aptitudes that not everyone has,” Maxwell said.

This sort of expertise is hard to find.

“Bitcoin development is largely bottlenecked by code review and there are not a large amount of people out there who are able to do that,” Hilliard told CoinDesk.

Yet, many others believe the responsibility shouldn’t only rest on developers. A common sentiment shared was that as a decentralized project with no leaders, keeping bitcoin free of errors is a shared responsibility.

“My main problem with a lot of the backlash is people pointing at specific developers to assign blame. The entire project is open, there is no ‘membership’ and users have just as much of a responsibility to audit code as developers actively contributing,” pseudonymous bitcoin enthusiast Shinobimonkey told CoinDesk.

Such a sentiment was shared by Bitcoin Core maintainer Wladimir van der Laan who tweeted, “It was wrong that the buggy code was merged. Yes, we screwed up but the ‘we’ that screwed up is very wide. The whole community screwed up by not reviewing consensus changes thoroughly enough.”

Chaincode engineer John Newberry agreed. Even though he didn’t write the buggy code, he argued that as a developer in the bitcoin world, he played a role in the error, too, by not looking closely enough.

He went as far as to say that the code in question had looked funny to him. Yet, he assumed others had already checked.

“Instead of verifying for myself, I trusted that people smarter and wiser than I am had it covered. I took it for granted that someone else had done the work,” he stated.

Multiple Bitcoin Cores Still, some argue there will always be a risk of bugs.

“There’ve been bugs in bitcoin before and there’ll be bugs again. It’s just software. There’s nothing magical to it,” tweeted Blockstream COO Samson Mow.

Along these lines, there’s another popular idea floating around.

Today in bitcoin, there’s one main bitcoin software, Bitcoin Core, run by 95 percent of bitcoin nodes. (At least that’s according to one count – interestingly, there’s no way to see every bitcoin node, because some nodes want more privacy and don’t advertise their existence to the rest of the network.)

One idea, then, is to make more bitcoin code implementations. That way if one implementation has a disastrous bug that crashes the network, the other implementations could still be fine, keeping bitcoin as a whole running.

And to a certain degree, this already exists. There are lesser-known code implementations, such as Bitcoin Knots and Btcd. Elsewhere in the cryptocurrency world, this is becoming the norm. For instance, ethereum has two dominant implementations, geth and parity, each of which can be used by anyone running the software.

Still, many bitcoin developers worry that adding more than one implementation could introduce problems that would be even worse than last week’s vulnerability.

“What many people do not realize is that having people run different implementations makes it easier for attackers to partition the network,” Bitcoin Core contributor Andrew Chow argued in a conversation outlining the pros and cons.

As such, developers don’t necessarily agree on exactly what needs to be done.

Theymos perhaps put it best when he said:

“I don’t know exactly how this can be prevented from happening again, but I do know that it would be a mistake for the community to brush off this bug just because it ended up being mostly harmless this time.”

Metal shield image via Shutterstock

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Staking Isn’t Just a Way to Earn Crypto Money – And It Shouldn’t Be Jake Yocom-Piatt Jake Yocom-Piatt Jun 22, 2019 at 09:30 UTC Updated Jun 22, 2019 at 09:32 UTC OPINION Jake Yocom-Piatt is the project lead for Decred and the creator of btcsuite — an alternative full-node Bitcoin implementation written in go whose source code has been used in several notable projects.

Staking is money you don’t want to miss out on — simple as that, right?

While most cryptos today are trading 70 -90 percent below their all-time highs, staking is making what looks like easy money, scoring coin holders up to 30 percent rewards. More and more people are paying attention, with staking touted as the best way to make semi-passive returns in a bear market.

Coinbase is launching staking support, and new staking coins are cropping up to compete with the established players like Tezos, Dash and Decred.

It’s not really that simple. Staking is getting attention for all the wrong reasons, and it’s time to re-examine its role.

Misconceptions around how it works and why it exists will have lasting consequences if expectations aren’t set now. Projects that implement any form of proof-of-stake (PoS) need to plan for long-term sustainability, not just the immediate future.

If You’re Going to Stake, Stake Right Staking is evolving from being a semi-passive reward, to becoming a powerful incentive for participating in governance. Projects that plan for the future will figure out how to incentivize active participation, while those who elect a set of governors based on the quality of their kickbacks won’t last.

Choosing to stake on the right projects for the right reasons is the best way to earn rewards.

Proof-of-Work (PoW) was introduced on bitcoin as a block validation method to timestamp transactions without the need for a trusted third party. PoW has an established track record with bitcoin securing its network using energy. People began exploring PoS as a way to use less energy to do validation “work.”

PoS is more accessible and decentralized, empowering coin holders, who “stake” coins to “forge” blocks by maintaining an online wallet or node.

Staking started as just another method for recording transactions securely, but it’s constantly evolving. Some implementations are a hybrid with PoW, while others add delegates who either receive votes from, or are empowered to act on behalf of, the group.

Staking for Rewards vs. Staking for Participation As Zaki Manian, co-creator of Cosmos, pointed out in an interview with CoinDesk, “[P]art of the dynamics of proof-of-stake is how frequently do people just vote to give themselves more money?”

In this scenario, coin holders collect exorbitant rewards without putting in any work.

Staking has been erroneously portrayed as the crypto version of a bond. While there are projects that don’t require any more work than staking funds for a reward, this approach is ultimately unsustainable and will get participants who thought they could “park and earn” into trouble.

It’s not unusual for projects to employ a toothless charade for centralized parties to claim they’re not in control. These systems are often overly complicated and characterized by confusing procedures and non-binding voting, which in practice discourage voter participation and lead to voter apathy.

When it comes to participation, several staking projects have voting on treasury spending — projects like Dash, Decred and PIVX are paving the way in governance where the community participates in project-level decision making. Decred’s participatory voting feature, for example, allows token holders to vote on everything from protocol decisions to choosing to hire its PR firm.

Today, staking spans a gamut of implementations beyond locking up funds, from ensuring the security of a blockchain to changes in consensus rules. PoS doesn’t necessarily imply governance, but its incentive structure combined with governance has radical implications for participation.

Staking for Rewards and Power With the right incentives, staking can not only return rewards, but also give you input on a project’s future direction. When staking your coins, they usually go through a lock-up period while voting — rules on this vary from project to project.

After voting, you get your coins back as well as a staking reward.

If you vote against the project’s interests, while you’ll still get the immediate staking reward, over time you’ll feel the negative market effects of bad decisions like an all-expenses-paid stakeholder’s ski trip to Switzerland. In a system that gamifies decision-making and other processes, voting on decisions has a longer-lasting effect beyond earning an immediate staking reward.

Staking governance is powerful because it embodies a philosophical underpinning of the crypto movement: the belief humanity’s accepted forms of large-scale decision-making aren’t working well.

Staking aims to put that into practice — in crypto in the near term and on a societal scale in the distant future. This means eliminating corrupt intermediaries in favor of peer-to-peer interaction, and shirking representative democracy in favor of direct voting.

Individual sovereignty is tantamount; if you have skin in the game (i.e. are financially invested), you should help determine the direction of that game. But with that comes the responsibility of making informed decisions, and not necessarily trusting anyone else is going to make them for you. If you want to participate in staking long-term, you need to understand a project well enough to stake it.

If you want to have a say in how a project is run, you need to stake one that incorporates your sovereignty as a user. To participate, you need to keep up on changes to its consensus rules and actively vote for what you believe is best for it.

Staking can yield significant rewards, but to simply receive compensation for voting sets up a poor alignment structure. Coin holders must understand the responsibility that comes with locking up their coins and use it wisely — and only then enjoy the fruits of their labor.

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cjvazmovielife · 6 years

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Funny Moment From My Film Life.

Fortune favors the bold, yet sometimes luck is the virtue you need the most. I've been very fortunate in my life. I've gotten to work on some great projects. I've also gotten to meet some very talented filmmakers and actors. But with any life story, there's bound to be some funny moments so here's one that's still close to my heart.

Like every other filmmaker out there you always start by doing small, unpaid, projects. Little indies, youtube videos, and even spec commercials are a norm. Usually, it's a limited crew, limited talent, one single camera, a few lights at most and no budget what so ever. Crafty was a combination of whatever two for 1s we could get on pizza, chips, soda, nachos, and candy. Sugar being the key ingredient to keeping people going. We collaborated, tried different things, played around and just had fun. We didn't take it too seriously, because it was about enjoying the time with your friends and creating something special.

When you get your first paying job, on a big set, with a huge budget, that becomes the "aww" moment for you. The talent's right over there getting some last minute makeup put on and you can see them. You are working with experienced professionals for the most part. Some of the pieces of gear on the set cost more than your apartment, so you try to stay away from those. You take it all in, hide your starstruck anxiety and just really listen to what you are told to do.

"I need you to take this actress back to her trailer, stand outside the door, don't let anyone in and when she walks out bring her right back to the sound stage." The trailer is about an 8-minute golf cart ride away. I'm taking this particularly gorgeous actress, in a golf cart, back to her trailer, and then back to the sound stage. I'm sure you all know where my mind was at, but for those that don't here was the thought. "I wonder if I have a shot?" She was older, well known, still is, a real A-lister, and I believe at that time she was dating a billionaire. So confidence wasn't so much my problem, it was a lack of reality. But when she spoke to me first, I kept the conversation going. Took her there, brought her back and everything was golden. For the rest of that shoot, I was basically her gopher, and I had a blast.

One of my next paid jobs was working on a commercial. A golf commercial to be exact. Now being fair I like golf. People think it's boring and not worth the time. I'm not going to try to convince you that golf is great, I'll only say that it takes more skill than people think. So, I get brought on to this commercial by an actor I worked with and got to know on a previous job. Good guy, quite talented, and he has done a lot. He isn't as well known as others, but I think he's good.

So like the previous story, he basically brought me on to be his gopher. It was a simple commercial, nothing too crazy and yet their equipment was comparable to a feature film. I learned after that shoot that a lot of commercials have the same budget as most features. Even something very simple can cost millions to produce. At least they spend millions to produce it, and it's common practice.

About an hour into the day I'm bringing my actor on to the set. I'm driving him in a golf cart from his trailer to the golf course hole they are filming on. Roughy 20 minutes into that, he calls my name, and I ran over. Director needed something done, and he volunteered me. Union rules are a little laxer on commercials, and since it fell under Production Assistant (PA) work, it wasn't an issue. Simple task, I take care of it and bring back what was needed to the director.

For the rest of the day, I'm alternating between being my actor's gopher and the director's 3rd gopher. I was running around all over that golf course, on my walkie every few minutes and it was interesting. Ok, I was having a blast, because when you are young and to be connected to the second top talent and the director of the shoot is a big deal. You feel important, you feel trusted, and it's a great feeling to have. Just avoid being an entitled dick about it if you get there.

About half the day I'm tasked with going to another trailer to bring back the main talent for the scene, he had just arrived on set. Somethings happened, people were busy, I was free, and it's part of the craziness of a film set. I rush over in my little golf cart, stop by his trailer, and knock. The door opens, I'm looking away when I start telling him we are ready for him and I was there to pick him up. He says "thank you, I'm ready to go," and I immediately look up when I hear his voice. Well known golfer, and at that time I was a fan, I'm still a fan. We as PAs don't get all the info that everyone else does. I was told golf commercial, at no point did I hear he was going to be in it. We got in the golf cart and drove off.

Anyone that has set foot on a golf course knows they are pretty large, you only have a singular path to follow, and they always seem to pick the hole furthest from the parking lot. So the Golfer and I had some time to kill, and a good rule of thumb to follow on set is let them speak to you first. We can argue the semantics of we are all people, and we are all equal later. Best to understand that when Actors are on set they are constantly thinking about their role. They don't want to forget a line, they don't want to mess up, and concentrating is key for them to do a good job. For non-actors, the stress level usually rises higher. They are used to doing what they are doing, but being on set is something new and different to them. Their focus is equally as important because they too want to do a good job. With that being said don't take it personally if they don't speak to you right away or at all.

Luckily for me, he seemed relatively calm and only asked a very general question. Then we proceeded to speak about golf for the remainder of the ride. I can't say that helped put him at ease, but we were joking around a lot, and when he showed up on set he was laughing. Keeping talent and crew happy, does make the day go by faster. So we are off the golfer does his thing, shots are being done, producers seem happy, and everyone is getting through the day without any issues.

Then the Director had an idea for an additional shot. He wanted to do something very specific, and pretty unique. He wanted the Golfer to hit the ball directly at the camera. Golf balls are pretty hard, and when you hit them with a club, their average speed is over 150 miles per hour. That's going to hurt if it hits you, so the Golfer's first response was to move the guys standing next to the camera. He didn't want to accidentally hit anyone. The Camera Team was moved, and the camera was operated by remote. The producers are watching from a tent we call video village. The Golfer asks the Director again if he's sure. Director says "just try to hit the camera." There was a smile from the Golfer, and he proceeded to line up his shot.

We are all watching from a distance since it will go into a wide shot. The Golfer does the most amazing, camera perfect swing, the ball flies through the air like it's on a rail and within a few seconds crashes straight through the camera lens. A stronger phrase than "Oh crap" was repeated by many on the crew. My actor was laughing, the Golfer was laughing, the Director was laughing, and everyone except for the producers in 'video village' were laughing. To see it from their perspective, they are in a tent outside watching the screens, they see the Golfer do his shot, and then literally the ball coming straight at their faces on the screen. Then they see black because the ball went through the lens. That would be enough to shock anyone especially the money people.

After a few times on playback, some giggles and some jokes being thrown around we were pretty much done with our day. The commercial came out great, and everyone was happy. I wasn't involved with returning the gear to the rental house, but they normally expect it to come back in one piece. This is a good example of why films spend a lot of money on insurance. That was one of the funniest incidents I experienced, and there are plenty more moments to come.

#film #setlife #tv #commercial #golf #actors #producer #golfcourse #fun #filmmaker #production #funny

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processingstupidity · 3 years

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In Defence of "The Nag".

I have been working on an extended project recently that has lead me to take a deep dive into heteronormativity and other such social norms and I also recently watched a video by The Take on "The Nag" stereotype. It got me thinking. So I present this defence of "The Nag".

"The Nag" is a trope in media whereby a female partner is seen constantly berating her male partner to his annoyance and this is usually played for laughs at the female partner's expense. The reasons for nagging have been various: in The Simpsons, Marge is constantly seen nagging Homer to be more responsible; and The Goldbergs' Beverly - when not helicopter parenting her children - is often seen in conflict with her husband Murray about his pessimistic and cheapskate attitude that she feels doesn't allow for fun or romance in their relationship. Although the reasons can be varied they all in my view seem to have a common thread under the lens of heteronormativity and gender roles. They all pertain to either the husband not performing a duty that is typically seen as the husband's job and thus not holding up his end of the bargain or the husband seemingly not giving adequate compensation to the wife for all that she does and has had to do in order to keep her end of the bargain. Now I would like to clarify that this post is not in defence of rigid gender roles and harmful heteronormative practises. It is solely in defence of the women (real and fictional) trying their best under such conditions to do what they have been taught their whole life is their job, when their partners - who stereotypically benefit in some way from these oppressive systems - when it comes down to it, have not been as strictly held to them as their wives are.

Women of a certain era (the era often represented in the media or by the characters within the media in which "The Nag" is present) were taught that in order to have a good life they needed to attract, secure and keep a man. To do this they had to follow a myriad of rules and often supress who they truly were and what they truly wanted. Until recent decades women didn't have their own financial independence. Their security, prosperity and "freedom" in life was dependent on what their husband provided and allowed. Whereas men could live a single and responsibility free life as long as they chose, because they were the ones with access to financial independence as well as social freedoms that women did not and still do not fully have. So where the media has tried to portray "The Nag" as disgruntled, demanding and superficial, what i see in this trope is, from his wife's perspective, a husband who still during marriage enjoys the male privileges he had as a bachelor. Who, because of this privilege, is not used to nor enjoys being told what to do or being criticised for not doing enough and so complains and mocks his wife who, having given up everything for love or through having no other choice, is just trying her best to hold up her end of the bargain.

It's like if a professional actor was taking part in a paid performance with someone who is just getting their start in the industry and instead of following the script, the person with less to lose starts to change the narrative and mess up the performance. It doesn't mean as much to them, so why bother trying to put on a good show? And all the while, their scene partner is desperately trying to make the best of the situation, while internally screaming.

I'm giving this performance my all, why won't you do the same?

And yes, there is an argument to be made about just ditching the dead weights and assuming for themselves the traits and behaviours that they're begging to see from someone else. To find someone better. However, this doesn't change that these characters and many women in real life often were indoctrinated from childhood into these stereotypical expectations and invested a lot of time and effort into it: giving up careers, hobbies, isolating themselves even, in order to start families etc.. and that sacrifice, even if it was unnecessary, has already happened and in those cases, still deserves reciprocation and respect from the person who benefits from it: The Douche Who Complains To His Friends About His Wife Expecting More Than The Bare Minimum From Him Because From Her Perspective, This Is All She Has To Work With. The idea of "The Woman Who Has It All" came too late for some women.

I believe that men wrote "The Nag" into their media as a way to make a joke and therefore deflect from the fact that for so long, women had to put up with the bare minimum. Rather than showing male characters who treat their wives better and strive to provide a better life for those who are dependent on them, they preferred to mock the wives for wanting a better life and a better relationship, and for feeling unable to simply go out and achieve this themselves.

And so what if "The Nag" is disgruntled and bitter? You would be too if you were trapped in a situation where you are constantly held to a higher standard than the person you depend on and in return your reward was mockery and resentment, all of which you must tolerate because to them you are a ball and chain, but to you they are maybe the only chance at having a good life.

The Take: "The Nag Trope - It’s Time to Write It Out."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AO_sw-nAlEI

#The nag trope #gender roles #gender expectations #heteronormativity #old fashioned stereotypes

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thewalkingdeadimaginings · 7 years

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Jump The Gun

Hi babe could you do a imagine with Norm? Now that I know you also take him?😂 so it would take place in the cruise they are actually now and like Norm sees this girl and completley falls for her and he tries to meet her but people or events keep coming up, so like one night there is like a party and they meet there and they have sex 😏😂 but at the end they are willing to dare eachother 💙👏🏼

Ah, I missed the Norman requests. Just for anyone who’s new here or forgot, I’ll write one shots for the actors/actresses too! And I’m ever so slowly getting caught up. I honestly never thought I’d get the amount of requests that I got, ya know? I expected one or two requests once in a while. I’m at 1,500 followers now and I never thought that would ever happen. Never thought I’d have so many people actually excited to read something I’ve written. Honestly, you guys just make me so happy with your nice comments and the messages you send. I don’t think you guys will ever know how much that means to me.

Okay, I’ve been away for several weeks. Yes, I am trash. I was just taking a little break, working on other things. But I recently got a request that was asking for one of those “doing something with a certain character would include” type imagines. Is that the new imagines now on Tumblr? I follow a blog that does that but I didn’t know it was becoming more and more popular. I’ll try to do it but I can’t guarantee that I’ll be good at it so…be kind when that one comes along haha.

I’ve never been on a cruise before and I’ve never been on the walker stalker cruise so the stuff I mention in this one shot is kind of a guess so if I get anything incorrect, I’m sorry haha. I did all the research I could so I tried. But honestly, we’re not here for accuracy…shit…are we here for that? I’m not sure if the cast actually ate in the same dining area place thing as everybody else but I hate the idea of them having to isolate themselves in their rooms just to eat so I came up with something else. If you notice any inaccuracies, please be kind haha.

NSFW: smut

You’d worked on many cruises before but you’d never worked on the Walker Stalker cruise. It was pretty exciting to see some members of the cast appearing there although you couldn’t enjoy it too much as you had to work for parts of it. Luckily, your work was mostly morning and afternoon shifts so you had the evening to see what all the fuss was about.

The first day, you and your staff were busy getting the dining room ready for all the passengers. As the dining room manager, you were used to running around and thinking quick on your feet. And you only had a few hours left to make sure everything was perfect when all the guests and the cast members arrived. Being the manager, it all reflected on you.

While the main dining room was being taken care of, you went to the separate area where the cast could dine in peace to make sure everything was on schedule as well. The cast would be boarding the ship first and you needed everything to be even better than perfect. The staff could tell you were getting a little frazzled.

“Hey, it’s gonna be great,” one of the buffet servers remarked, “I’ve heard nothing but great things about the cast members of this show. I don’t think they’ll give us a hard time.”

“Yeah,” one of the busboys said in agreement, “I doubt they’ll freak out if there’s a fork in the wrong spot on the table.”

“Uh-huh,” you muttered, only half listening to what they were saying, “Look, we’ve got like…fifteen minutes. I’m sorry, we can all have a group chat later, okay? And I swear, I’m not normally this bitchy. Once this is all set up and finished, I’m actually really nice.”

Finally, everything was to your liking and everyone was in their place as you got word that the cast members had boarded and might be heading into the dining room for lunch before everyone else arrived. You started to panic but your staff was handling it so well, you didn’t really have to give anyone too much direction. You tried to stay behind the scenes but you found yourself helping the buffet servers and the servers. Especially when the other passengers started boarding and entering the main dining room. You went back and forth between them and the cast.

“Hey,” one of your waitresses stopped you halfway back to the kitchen, “Y/N, you know that Norman Reedus is here?”

“I mean, I would assume he would be,” you chuckled, “Why do you say that?”

“He’s been staring at you since he walked in,” she replied, gesturing to his table. When your eyes met his, he instantly looked back down at his plate, his cheeks turning red. The waitress giggled and nudged you, “You should go over there, a nice little hello from the dining room manager, yeah?”

“I would but I don’t think I have time,” you said.

“Oh please,” she said, “You’ve been a great help to us but we can take it from here, boss. Go get some.”

The waitress took the empty tray from your hands and hurried to the kitchen before you could protest. You’d been so busy and the cast had been so quiet and polite, you hadn’t really noticed them too much. You approached the table, finding yourself more nervous than you thought you would be. Jeffrey Dean Morgan was trying to get Norman’s attention when he realized you were coming towards their table. It seemed to just make Norman more nervous as he started fidgeting. You couldn’t believe that you hadn’t noticed how good looking he was. He was rugged and toned, the sleeves of his shirt hugging every curve and highlighting every muscle in his arms. Norman finally looked up to meet your gaze, a tiny smile on his lips.

But before you could reach his table, a busboy stepped in front of you, an urgent look in his eyes, “Y/N, I hate to bother you but there’s a problem in the kitchen! You’ve gotta come quick!”

You glanced at Norman, whose smile faded. The disappointment was relatable. You sighed heavily and hurried to handle whatever problem the kitchen was having. After that was settled, you came back to an empty table. Norman and the others had left already.

“Damn,” you said to yourself. You had only intended to say hello and ask how they liked everything, not really anticipating talking to Norman one on one. The disappointment really surprised you.

Your shift was over not too long after that. The closing manager relieved you and you could head back to your room. After the long day you had, you were looking forward to a glass of wine and a nice long soak in the bathtub.

As you headed towards your room, you passed right by Norman and Jeffrey walking by. Your heart skipped a beat as you came to a stop, the two men stopping with you. You smiled, “I didn’t have a chance to ask you how you liked your meal earlier.”

Norman opened his mouth to speak but this time, he was the one to be interrupted, “Jeffrey! Norman! There you are! We’ve gotta get going! We’re kinda in a rush here.”

With a sigh, Norman walked off with Jeffrey, leaving you even more disappointed than before. You just couldn’t get a break. It was probably stupid to try and even get close to him. Just because he was on this cruise didn’t mean he had all the time in the world to relax. Unfortunately, you both had jobs to do while you were here.

The next day was much less hectic than the first day but you were told that Norman, Jeffrey and Greg Nicotero would be doing a panel later in the evening. Since you weren’t working, you figured you should go and see it. You couldn’t get a chance to talk to him personally but this way, you would at least get a feel for the kind of person he was. These missed opportunities to get to know him drove you mad, the curiosity killing you. Did it even matter if you actually talked to him? If him staring at you meant as much as the waitress implied it did? If there was some sort of attraction there, what difference would it make? He was a famous actor and you were just a dining room manager for cruise ships.

You could still be curious though.

The panel was so entertaining. Norman had such a close friendship with Jeffrey and with Greg and the interaction with the audience felt so genuine. Halfway through, although you were towards the back, it felt like Norman had caught you and he couldn’t take his eyes off you. It might’ve just been in your head. With the hundreds and hundreds of people attending this panel, he could’ve been looking at anyone. It probably wasn’t you.

The moment the panel was over, the crowd dispersed. You were kind of being dragged along the crowd, though you were trying to break free to get back to your room. Jeffrey and Greg were walking off the stage and Norman lagged behind a little, scanning the crowd. Was he looking for you? Couldn’t be. But once he laid eyes on you, he paused, as if contemplating venturing into that crowd. He took a few steps in your direction before Jeffrey stopped him, whispering something in his ear. Norman frowned but turned and walked off with Jeffrey. Why couldn’t either of you get it together?

There were meet-and-greets, photo ops, more panels, and countless meals in the dining room but you’d given up on actually seeing Norman. Every time you had the chance to talk, someone needed your attention or Norman had to be somewhere fast.

You were thankfully getting the next two days off in a row and you planned on spending them in your room doing nothing. That was easier than constantly having a chance to talk to Norman and having it taken away again.

One of the buffet servers that you’d befriended this past week, named Cynthia, was in your room with you enjoying a glass of wine. She poured herself a second glass as she brought you the other glass, “Y/N, are you coming to the party tonight?”

“Doubt it,” you muttered.

“Oh come on,” Cynthia whined, “It’ll be fun! And you don’t have work tomorrow. So why not?”

“Just don’t feel in a partying mood,” you said.

“I can’t believe you’re letting this famous dude that you haven’t actually had a conversation with get you down,” Cynthia replied, “Just forget about all that and have some fun. We can pre-game it!”

“Pre-game it?”

“Yeah!” Cynthia exclaimed. She gestured to the bottles of hard liquor with a mischievous grin, “Would showing up tipsy be a terrible thing?”

A few shots later, you felt so much looser and more relaxed, eager to get to this party Cynthia took you to. You had a nice buzz going but were still sober enough to be aware of what was going on and to have conversations without slurring.

“See?” Cynthia said, patting your back, “It’s a good time, right?”

You nodded, “I’m gonna get a drink before my buzz wears off.”

“Okay, I’m gonna head to the bathroom,” Cynthia said, “I’ll join you at the bar in a bit.”

The two of you parted ways and you found a spot at the bar with two open seats. You sat down, saving the second for Cynthia as you ordered yourself a drink. You sipped on your drink happily, your head swimming. You’d forgotten all about your frustrations this past week. At the moment, his name was fuzzy in your mind.

At least until he took a seat next to you at the bar. You hadn’t even realized it was him until he spoke, “I thought I’d never get a chance to see you.”

“Hm?” you squeaked, nearly choking on your drink as you set your glass down to look at him. You swallowed hard, “Oh! It’s you! It’s…”

“Shh,” Norman whispered, pressing his chubby finger to your lips, “I’m trying to keep a low profile. No one has realized I’m here yet.”

“Tomorrow is the last day,” you said, “Kinda pointless to try and talk to each other now, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think so,” Norman said. He opened his phone for a second and gave you a nod, “We have another…twelve or thirteen hours until we have to get off this ship. I know we haven’t had much of a chance to talk but…it’s not from a lack of trying I can tell you that.”

“I know,” you said, “We’re always so busy.”

“Not busy now,” Norman said. He reached out and tucked your hair behind your ear, “And…since we’re so short on time, I’ll say it. Since I saw you in the dining room that first day, I can’t get you out of my head.”

“Wow,” you said softly, “Really?”

Norman nodded, “I tried to get close to you but something always came up. Thought I’d have a chance after the panel but I had to go somewhere else right after. It was always something.”

“I know the feeling,” you said, “So, now that we have no interruptions…what do we do?”

“We could go somewhere quiet,” Norman said.

“Let’s go out on the deck for a while,” you replied, pressing your hand against your forehead, “It’s getting hot in here.”

Norman took your hand and walked you out of the party. Stepping out into the cool breeze, you took in a deep breath, closing your eyes at the soothing air against your warm skin. Norman found a spot on the deck for the two of you to take a seat and relax for a moment. His flushed cheeks made it obvious he’d had a few drinks too. But you were both coherent, just too nervous to say anything.

“This is silly,” you said finally, “Why are we so…uneasy around each other?”

“I don’t know,” Norman said, “Ever since I saw you in the dining room that first day, I just wanted to get close to you. But…I never actually thought about what I would do or say when that actually happened. Everyone kept pulling me away or you away, I thought it would never happen.”

“I get it,” you chuckled, “I didn’t think it would either. But I’m intrigued. Is…is there a point though? Pursuing something?”

“Why wouldn’t there be a point?”

“Because tomorrow, it’s over,” you said, “Everyone gets off this ship, I go home, and you go off to the next event. We only have tonight.”

“That’s not necessarily true,” Norman said, “I know we technically only just met but why give up on it before it can even start?”

Norman was looking at you but you refused to tear your gaze from the ocean view in front of you, “Because it seems like…maybe fate was trying to keep us apart all this time for a reason. I know that sounds crazy. We don’t run in the same circles, not even close.”

“So?” Norman said, “If I cared at all about the circles we ran in, I wouldn’t have given two shits about who you were.”

“You don’t even know my name.”

“Who says I don’t?” Norman retorted, “It’s Y/N.”

“How the hell did you know that?” you asked, whipping your head to look at him.

“I asked one of the waitresses about you the day I saw you,” he said, his already pink cheeks turning even pinker, “That makes me look really bad, doesn’t it?”

“Not at all,” you laughed. You scooted closer to him until your body was pressed up slightly against his, “I find it…sweet. And flattering that you were interested.”

“I wasn’t sure what to expect,” Norman continued, “The kind of person you would be when I finally talked to you.”

“And?” you said, your face inches from his.

Norman leaned in a little closer, “I wasn’t disappointed.”

Your lips finally met and a sigh escaped your lips as he kissed you. You could taste the whiskey on his tongue and it made your heart race. Norman let a groan out as his kiss deepened, his hands gripping onto your hips. His fingernails scraped against your jeans, his lips grazing your jawline, breath hot against your skin.

Norman’s kisses and his wandering hands left you in a haze that you couldn’t get a full sentence out. You could only get two words out but they were enough for Norman to understand, “Your room.”

His breath hitched as he grabbed your hand once more to lead you across the deck. You pulled your hand from his grip and wrapped your arms around him, placing kisses on his cheek, teeth grazing his jaw. Norman groaned, turning momentarily to kiss you.

“Patience,” he whispered against your lips, “We’re almost there.”

As expected, the cast’s rooms were separate from the rest of the passengers and were exquisite, though you didn’t have much of a chance to take in the beauty of the room. Not with Norman standing there, immediately crashing his lips into yours the moment he shut the door. But you did notice the softness of his sheets when the two of you fell into his bed. You giggled as he kissed down your chest, his facial hair scratching your skin. You ran your fingers through his long dark hair as he unbuttoned your blouse, kissing down your body. Your breath trembled as he tugged your pants down your legs. You bunched his hair up in your fists as his thick fingers hooked your underwear and slid them down.

Norman mumbled something incoherently as he sat back up momentarily, leaning in to kiss you. You felt his quivering fingers slide up your thighs, whimpering against his lips as his fingers reached your heat, circling your clit slowly, torturously. He pulled away from your kiss, his fingers pressing a little harder to hear your soft moans. Pushing you back down onto your back, he lowered, kissing your hip bone as he slid his fingers inside of you. Finally, he buried his face between your legs, his tongue practically attacking your clit as his fingers pumped in and out of you. Arching your back, you tangled your hands in his hair. Your jaw dropped but tried your best not to make a sound. Small grunts and whines came out as Norman’s tongue and fingers moved quicker, more aggressively.

“N-N-Nor…Norman,” you whimpered. You felt the buildup in your body, almost painful but in the most wonderful way. Norman, feeling your walls tightening around his fingers, pulled away which left you aching. You sat up, breathing heavily as you watched him stand and undress himself.

“You’re stunning,” he said under his breath as he tossed his shirt across the room. He beckoned you closer to him as he undid his belt buckle. You eagerly obliged, your legs still shaking as you shifted to the end of the bed. Brushing his fingers through your hair, he dropped his jeans, stepping out of them and kicking them away. You didn’t need him to say a word, placing kisses on his stomach, your tongue gliding along the sensitive skin above his waistband. Norman’s tongue darted across his lips, waiting in anticipation. You felt his hands shaking in your hair and you simply smirked, pulling his boxers down as slowly as you could.

“Just returning the favor,” you teased. Taking him in your hands, you gripped him firmly, stroking his shaft, lowering after a few moments and you swirled your tongue around the head, sending shivers through Norman’s body. As you took him in your mouth, bobbing your head, you heard his grunts and cries. You relished in the way his body tensed around you, every sound the came from him, even the pain of him just slightly pulling your hair.

“Stop,” he said, stepping away from you, “Scoot back, I’m not done.”

With an excited grin, you jumped back, your body buried in the pillows as Norman crawled back into bed. He pushed your legs back until your knees were pressed against your chest. With his hands pressed against the back of your thighs to keep your legs up, he slowly pushed into you, groaning out loud as your walls squeezed him. He released your legs and you instantly wrapped them around his waist, pulling him deeper into you. He fell forward, his hands at each side of your head as he began to thrust in and out. Your vision was hazy, your senses numb to everything but the pleasure Norman was overwhelming you with. You found yourself scratching down Norman’s back, which just made him thrust even harder, grunting and groaning every time he slammed back into you.

Norman paused, helping you sit up in bed. You sat on your knees as Norman turned your body around, his chest against your back. He wrapped his arms around your body, his hands massaging your breasts as he entered you again. Kissing the back of your neck, he rolled your nipples between his fingers, smirking against your skin as you moaned, slamming your hands on the headrest to keep your balance.

“Y/N,” he muttered, his thrusts becoming sloppy and erratic, his groans coming out louder as he buried his face in your neck. One of his hands slid down your body back to your heat, his fingers making quick, deep circles around your clit.

You lost control, crying out as you came hard, your body tensing, your walls contracting, and your hips rolling against Norman on their own. Norman’s arm around you was the only thing keeping you upright as you rode out your high, pushing your hair back as you cursed under your breath. Your orgasm set Norman’s off, squeezing your body tightly against him as he filled you and the two of you stayed in that position for a while to catch your breath.

“Good god, Norman,” you panted. The two of you finally fell back into bed, getting comfortable under the covers. Norman pulled you in, his arm around your shoulder.

“Goddamn right,” Norman said, taking a deep breath. He kissed the top of your head, “I’m not sure I can say good-bye to you, Y/N.”

You would’ve had a response for that, but sleep was pulling you in too fast. Norman didn’t seem to mind as he was falling asleep too. You couldn’t imagine having to part ways tomorrow morning. Would it be the last time you saw him? Was his only intention to have sex with you and then be on his way? You weren’t sure you wanted to find out.

A headache awaited you when you woke up the next morning, just a tad hungover from last night despite not having too many drinks. You could still feel Norman’s warmth surrounding you and you lifted your head to find him still fast asleep. His hair was all over the place, covering almost his entire face. You supported yourself on one elbow, reaching over to brush the hair from his face. He was a gorgeous man, so peaceful in his sleep. With a laugh, you leaned in to kiss the tip of his nose.

“What are you doing?” Norman asked teasingly, startling you. He opened his eyes, staring at you with those beautiful blues.

“Nothing,” you said, “You were just so cute. I had to steal a kiss.”

“On my nose?” Norman said.

You kissed the tip of his nose again, “It is rather cute. I should probably get back to my room. We’ll have to get off the ship soon.”

“I know,” Norman said. He rolled over to grab his phone from the nightstand, unlocking it and placing it on your lap, “Will you put your number in there for me?”

“Really?” you said.

“Of course,” Norman replied, “Why do you look so surprised?”

“I just…I wasn’t sure if this was a…a one night stand or whatever,” you mumbled, nervously typing your number into his phone.

“That’s not what I wanted at all,” Norman said, “I want all of you, Y/N. I know you think that with our schedules, it won’t work but we should at least try. I think it’ll be worth it, Y/N. I think this is something worth pursuing, don’t you?”

“We barely know each other,” you said.

“Then we’ll get to know each other,” Norman argued. He chuckled as he got out of bed, “I know we jumped the gun a little but does that have to ruin something that could be great?”

You smiled, clutching the blanket against your body, “I guess not.”

“Good,” Norman said, “Then, I’d like to officially ask you on a real date.”

“Don’t you have somewhere to go after this is over?” you said.

“I do,” Norman replied, “Come with me.”

“What?!” you exclaimed.

“You have another job right after this?” Norman asked.

“No…”

“Then won’t you come with me, Y/N?”

“I…” you paused as Norman sat back in bed, tucking your hair behind your ears. There wasn’t a reason for you to decline. Norman did have a good point, you couldn’t possibly give up the chance of something great. Your heart broke at the thought of being away from him. You wanted a little more time with him, even if it was just a few days. A long distance relationship would be difficult but Norman had such faith in it, he made it feel a lot less scary, “Yes, yes I’ll go with you.”

“And then we can go on that official date,” he said, grinning as he placed a light kiss on your lips, “Take you to a nice dinner, wine and dine you.”

“Stop,” you laughed, your cheeks turning bright red, “You don’t have to do that.”

“I know,” he said, kissing you again, “I want to.”

You got lost in his kiss, wrapping your arms around him. As his hands started to roam your body, you reluctantly pulled away, “If we don’t get up now, we’ll never get off this ship.”

Norman glanced at the clock on his nightstand and then jumped back into bed, hovering above you, “We’ve got at least an hour and a half before we have to go. Think of what we could do in that time.”

You bit your lip as Norman tore the covers off your naked body, tracing your collarbone with his fingers. You pushed his hair away from his face, “I can only imagine the possibilities.”

YOU ARE ALL SO PATIENT AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT. I don’t deserve you guys. BUT HERE YOU GO I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS 😊

#Norman Reedus #Norman Reedus one shot #Norman Reedus smut #one shot #fanfiction #Imagines #Norman Reedus Imagines

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