#actual things i did as a child except i was too proud to tell my parents i was scared or what it was that scared me

[ellsarchive]

Ken Sato HC’s (extremely random) *.• (sfw)

Writing this instead of part two of starcrossed 😭

Calls you “doll.” It started off sarcastic, like when he was teasing you or something of the sort. It soon became an unironic part of his vocabulary, now a common name between you two.

Speaking of pet names, also calls you “baby.”

PDA guy, but lowkey. Like an arm around you or a hand on your lower back, subtle claims and displays to show you off.

(Someone else said this and it was too true not to repeat) He bites. Whether that means nibbling your skin playfully or sinking his teeth into you is up to your interpretation.

Sometimes he leans down to hear you better, to kiss you, etc. and his dog tags hang in your face.

Refers to you as “my girl” in interviews and when telling people about you

Takes a long time for him to feel like he can show emotion around you. It took countless reassurances and a lot of love, but strangely enough, he finds comfort in knowing you’ve seen that side of him. You saw it and still stayed.

The type to dance with you in the living room to disgustingly sappy music (even when your laughter is much louder than the song)

Listener.

Unless he has something important, you will never catch this man in something other than sweats or his baseball uniform.

Knows he’s attractive, but doesn’t try too hard to seem so. He knows certain things he does are attractive and he does them, but doesn’t try to make them attractive, you know?

The cocky act isn’t ENTIRELY a front. Of course it’s mostly a show for the fans, but he’s a sarcastic man at heart.

No minute goes by that he doesn’t have a snarky comment

Except for when he’s with you.

He’s nicer when he’s with you.

Low spice tolerance (America did its number on him)

Likes to watch projections of his old life with you, pointing out little details and meanings behind things that couldn’t be seen. He loves teaching you about who he was before you.

So clingy when he’s tired. If you try to get out of bed it feels like you have chains holding you in your place. His determination is almost terrifying. Also much less sarcastic, his most sincere words have been spoken when he’s half asleep.

Speaking of which, the first time he told you he loved you was when you were cuddled up, falling asleep. He let it slip without realizing, his eyes shutting the moment he said it. His last memory of that night is your faint voice saying “I love you” as his dreams took over.

Will DESTROY a carton of milk in the middle of the night if he’s thirsty (he usually only uses it for cereal)

Likes to binge TV shows with you when he gets the chance. What’s a better way to spend a rainy day than to be lazy and escape from this world with the person he loves most?

Had a dog growing up

Nothing is safe from the heinous amounts of soy sauce he puts on his food. One bite would kill a Victorian child

Was actually really nervous about being in a committed relationship. Luckily, you being his saviour, helped him every step of the way. He’s changed so many ways since meeting you, one of them being the absence of the walls he had built.

Puts a hand on the back of your neck when he hugs you

Car guy (as hinted by his collection of cars in the movie)

Sometimes falls asleep on your chest, body in between your legs, and wakes up having no idea where he is.

Wishes he had more pictures of you, but always forgets to take them.

Always wins his games when you come to them. Seeing you in the stands is the highlight of the game, not the win.

MEAN side eye. Could kill a man with ts

Is 100% sure that he’ll never love another the way he loves you. He’s certain.

Thinks of you when he sees corny romance movies

Was genuinely surprised when you first told him you loved him (when he was awake this time). When he realized how real it all was, he was confused. He didn’t know someone could see all the bad parts of him and still really, really love him.

Once he got over the doubt, he was proud.

Felt pathetic when he first realized how much he loved you. The way he couldn’t get you out of his head was unfamiliar, and your effect on him was so much more than anyone else has had. It frustrated him to no end.

Loves trying new food places with you

Sometimes jumps a little when he sees you out of the corner of his eye, someone else in his house so often still new to him.

Doesn’t cry easily

Cried while watching titanic with his mom when he was little

[saetoru]

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。HANDS — ITOSHI SAE.

sae doesn’t understand the purpose of holding hands. it’s a bit annoying to try and move around while you’re practically chained to someone else, it feels a bit odd to have someone’s hand lace with yours and keep it occupied, and it just draws this unwarranted attention that he doesn’t like.

he doesn’t hold hands, and you don’t seem to mind, so it’s never really been a concern of his.

not until today at least.

“are you nervous?” you ask, standing next to him as you stare out at the field. it’s a large stadium—there’s a bigger audience here than you’ve ever seen at any of the last few games you’ve been to.

it makes sense, you suppose. you’ve really only been to a handful of sae’s games—and even if you haven’t dated long, you’re well accustomed now to the occasional mic in your face as they as you how you feel about your boyfriend’s win. but now that he officially doesn’t play for a youth team anymore, now that he’s in the big shots with the adults, there’s bound to be more people, right? it makes you a bit nervous, all the eyes on you, but it doesn’t keep you from standing next to him as he waits with his team just minutes before starting the game.

sae only raises a brow at you, looks at you like you’ve grown two heads, “what do you take me for? they’re lucky to even play against me,” he mutters.

from a distance, you can hear a few amused chuckles and a few scoffs of disbelief from his older teammates. for the youngest on the team, sae has the largest presence. he’s already the talk of the hour—you can hear reporters buzzing for an interview and fans chanting his name already.

but he’s unbothered, sipping on his water bottle like it’s child’s play he’s preparing for.

“i know, baby,” you mumble, “you’ll crush them but…there’s just so many people,” you mumble. “what if you trip and fall? that’ll be so many people seeing.”

“i’m not gonna trip and fall,” he grumbles, lips twitching into a small frown that’s almost—almost—a pout, like the fact that you think he’d do something like that is an insult to his pride.

“oh my gosh,” you gasp, “i think someone just took a picture of us,” you ramble, not even paying attention to him. “what if i looked ugly?”

he wants to tell you there are a lot of people taking pictures, and that it’s a dumb thing to say—since when have you ever looked ugly? even your bad angles are better than the average person’s best, but before he can even say anything, your hand tightly grasps his.

he looks down, furrows his brows, opens his mouth to say something when you cut in.

“don’t be nervous, sae,” you babble away, “you got this, okay? there’s not even that many people here, they look like ants from down here anyway. you won’t even notice them.”

and then your hand squeezes his tightly, like it’s for reassurance, like it’s to tell him it’s okay, i’m here. except, he’s sure you’re doing it more for yourself than him—since he’s quite literally fine, quite literally standing here with as bored of an expression as always.

“i’m not nervous, idiot,” he mumbles.

and sae doesn’t like holding hands. your hands are a bit clammy and cold and they’re squeezing a bit too tight for his liking and he can’t move around as freely now. but your thumb is rubbing circles into the back of his hand and…it’s nice. for some reason, it’s kind of nice and he likes it.

he gives your hand an experimental squeeze, and when you squeeze right back, he finds that oddly enough, it’s kind of comforting to be able to communicate with you like this without actually saying words.

it’s okay. i’m here. you’ve got this. i’m not going anywhere. i’m proud of you. you’re all i need. you make me happiest. did you see that? i think that was another camera flash. i’m scared. i believe in you. it’s almost time for you to go. play your best. i love you.

i love you. i love you. i love you.

every tightening of your hand and every small squeeze tells him something that he finds he can understand for some reason—even without words. even without looking at your eyes or your face or seeing your expression. it’s so simple—so easy and…and he likes it.

why does he like it?

“good luck, baby,” you whisper, turning to face him, giving him a look that’s so nervous, yet so filled with conviction, he almost feels that to not play better than his best is of a disservice to you.

“thanks,” he murmurs, tugging you a bit closer by your hand. he finds that’s also a nice added perk of holding your hand—being able to pull your body impossibly closer whenever he wants. “but i won’t need it.”

“no,” you huff, rolling your eyes, “because you’re mister itoshi-sae-the-best-ever-who-never-gets-nervous. my bad.”

he huffs a small chuckle, gives your hand a squeeze and lets out a small sigh of content when he realizes the circles you’re rubbing over his knuckles have turned into hearts.

“don’t be nervous,” he says quietly, “‘s just us. everyone else’s background noise.”

“i know, but—”

“and don’t answer any reporters till i come back, okay? don’t need you having a breakdown on national television.”

“sae!” you whine, “that doesn’t help.”

“see you after my win,” he grins ever so slightly. it’s the biggest smile any of his teammates have ever seen from him—a few of them even gape in shock, but he pays no mind. he contemplates for a small moment before he decides—brings up your laced fingers and presses a small, short kiss to the back of your hand.

“see you after your win,” you agree, giving one more squeeze to his hand.

i love you.

he squeezes back. i love you too.

and then he’s off, and he almost hesitates before he lets his hand leave your grasp while he runs onto the field. he glances back at you, sees the way your hands are clutched tightly together to your chest as you stare at him with hope in your eyes and awe in your expression.

itoshi sae has never liked holding hands—but then your hands hold out his entire universe, and how could he not change his mind?

hi everyone. pls take this very self indulgent and very me coded reader as they overthink sae’s entire game more than he even thinks about it 💀

[lotus-pear]

Can we stop acting like dazai was the devil. Like yes he did bad things but he was a child. He was 15 alone and in the mafia where althe was told to do was bad things. ALL dazai knew how to do is lie and deceive because it what he's always had to do.it's self preservation. Like??? When will people realize dazai wasn't a monster and was justa child brought up in an Unsafe and abusive environment. Behaviors are learned your aren't born with them. Dazai was a suicidal child just trying to survive all'he knew was manipulation and Iying because that's all he was taught. He abused akutagawa because that's all he was taught. And as he got older it's all he knows how to do. Obviously he's gotten better but he's still morally grey. And that's ok but it's not enough to call him a monster. hes trying so so hard to change, and even if he may not realise it or cling guiltily to his past, the entire prison arc shows how much effort hes put in to become a better person it isnt easy, growing up exposed to death/violence resulting in empathy and apathy issues, all while battling an emptiness inside thats slowly eating up ones will to live. hes genuinely trying to recover from that period of his life, and i cannot express how proud i am solely because of that. hes finally found a healthy environment, a family, and he deserves it along with so much more. he may be deemed as a “monster“ in the past, that cannot be erased, but he hates that part about himself too. being in the good or bad used to make no difference to him, but i strongly believe it does hate that part of him.  Dazai slander are fún and everything - BUT people seem to not get his character right. No, he's not an edgy boy. He genuinely wants to change for the best to make Oda proud, 'BUT HE ABUSED AKUTAGAWA’ , yeah, Akutagawa abused Kyoka and nobody is talking about how its litterally GENERATIONAL TRAUMA. Dazal was never raised correctly, he got raised by Mori and used by him to make him his right hand, maybe because of his ability, or he saw potential in him. He never fell parental Love nor being special to Someone except for Oda. "He LEFT Chuuya!!!“ ok and? Chuuya doesn't need him to live: Dazai LITTERALLY SAW PEOPLE GETTING KILLED/KILLING THEM ON THE DAILEY (AND HE WITNISSED ODAS DEATH - THE ONLY PERSON THAT MADE HIM WANT TO CHANGE.) his eyes at the age of 14, and Mori made him live in a shipping container. Obviously he is not gonna feel human after all this.

And about him and chuuya - the thing is they DO CARE ABOUT EACHOTHER. but nobody seems to care about chuuya other than the fact hes hot asf anf the fact that he is ’super mega gay for dazai 🥺🥺🥺’ because are we reading/watching the same series???? There’s SO MUCH to his character too!!!! But all everyone talks about with him is with dazai, chuuyas character is CRAZY WELL WRITTEN and everyone dumbs it down to ‘he’s an angry short boy with a god inside him and he’s mega gay for dazai and he’s also really hot’ like no - stfu he’s not actually super hot headed and it’s CANNON he’s usually pretty calm and collected. On the other side of the coin is that dazai DOES care about him - in Stormbringer ; Dazai literally willing gave Chuuya an option to either use corruption on Verlaine when he used his true form or to retreat and not do it, which gave a sense of Dazai giving Chuuya the choice to do what he wants without forcing him to, and the fact that when Chuuya used corruption, he was being injured badly to the point where Abahabaki was going to destroy Chuuya which FREAKED DAZAI OUT , and the fact that Dazai certainly believes that Chuuya is human shows that Dazai does care about Chuuya in certain ways without showing due to afraid of losing someone he cares about. and In age 15 Dazai, was willing to help Chuuya to find Abahabaki and defeat Rimbaud, along with stormbringer with him helping Chuuya to find out if he's human or not and to defeat Verlaine.

Ty for reading my rant 💞💞💞💞

i can't tell if this is attacking me or just a rant in general but anyway YESSSSS I 100% AGREE YOU ATE W THAT ANALYSIS BRIAR‼️‼️

[mintsv]

basketball date w/ gyuvin !! ₊˚🧸⊹

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bf!kim gyuvin x gn!reader

synopsis : what would it be like if one day your boyfriend kim gyuvin took you to play basketball with him? another very fluffy drabble / scenarios / imagines i still don't know what to call it, it's just fluff.

wc : 0.9k

-> notes : first of all i'm sorry for the people reading this who are ACTUALLY good at basketball because i'm certainly not and that's why i made this :) also this is like major brain rot and it's not organized whatsoever it's just all over the place i hope you understand.. hihi 🤭

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first of all, i think he'd take you on a basketball date to show you his b-ball skills and he's hoping you'll go like 'gyuvin ur so cool!' and you did do that but as time went by you started to get a lil bored just watching so you asked him if he could teach you instead which he happily obliged.

when you couldn't reach the hoop or make any shots he'd pick you up and he let's you shoot in as many b-balls as you liked.

when you actually shoot one in without his help, he'd clap and smile at you like a child and don't forget that he'll be squishing your cheeks and aweing at you (the thing he does w/ yujin).

"my gf/bf/partner is soooo talented!" he'd say all sorts of remarks like this and you thought he was being sarcastic but he actually meant every word but hes also too shy to tell you up front so he just jokes about it in hopes you'll get his signal. what a silly guy

and it sort of worked because you started to get really into b-ball and you didn't miss as many shots as before, you were excited to show your boyfriend how you improved so gyuvin pitched the idea of having a friendly competition between the two of you.

during the friendly match, it was obvious gyuvin was making it easier for you because he wasn't even running he was walking and when he got to shoot the ball he'd go like "oops i missed" and literally pass the ball to you.

gyuvin was usually very competitive especially when playing b-ball. his partner for basketball practice was usually ricky and you knew how competitive gyuvin was in reality so you felt a little down thinking he doesn't actually see it as a match.

so you started sulking, excusing yourself from the court to drink some water and gyuvin followed along cause he noticed your change in mood.

"be right back." he says quickly before rushing off to who knows where, making you sit there in boredom while the sweat on your shirt starts to feel sticky and uncomfortable, not only that but you were also craving your favorite drink after gulping down a whole bottle of water.

gyuvin comes back and brings just what you wanted without you telling him to, one of his t-shirts freshly washed in his hand and your favorite drink on the other.

and then he'd start apologizing, hugging you, holding your hand, or cupping your cheeks basically all he could think of in order to stop you from sulking.

which in fact worked because you couldn't help but let out a giggle and gyuvin would be sooo proud of himself for making you laugh, i guess sulking will just never work when you have a boyfriend as adorable as gyuvin.

In the end, you'll change into his t-shirt, both of you enjoy your favorite drinks together before crashing into his house and ending the day on a high note. (probably cuddling while watching gyuvin's favorite basketball anime).

small imagine ->

you saw gyuvin slam dunk and hang from the hoop thanks to his lanky tall body so you tried to do it too except you failed horribly, making gyuvin laugh like a maniac.

"if you keep laughing i'm actually breaking up with you." you threaten him while lifting yourself up the ground.

"sorry sorry here i'll help you." gyuvin went in front of you and knelt down with his back facing you. you assumed he was gonna give you a piggy back ride but the moment you lifted one of your legs he positioned himself under you and lifted you up, with your legs on either side of his shoulder and you yelp out of surprise which almost made you fall backwards but you didn't thanks to gyuvin's quick hand grasping your thighs and your free hand held onto his head for support.

"gyuvin what the hell?! that scared me so bad!" you hit his head playfully while your other hand was occupied by a basketball.

"what're you waiting for? shoot it!" gyuvin tilted his head backwards to look at you with a silly smile on his lips and you could only afford to turn away in order to hide the blush creeping onto your cheeks.

when you were about to put the ball in, gyuvin accidentally tripped on his shoelaces and lost his balance resulting in the ball flying out of your hand and the both of you falling down.

you prepared yourself for the impact but after a while, you didn't feel anything and a sudden groaning was heard from the boy under you.

"ouch.." he sat up halfway, one hand holding onto his head while the other rested at your waist. "oww.. y/n are you okay? did you get hurt?" contrary to his current state the first words that left his mouth were concerns for your safety even though he just fell head first onto the ground trying to save you.

"oh my god gyu are you okay? i'm so sorry.." you quickly regained consciousness and took in current the situation, your hands held his face, arm, head searching for any bruises but when you found none you sighed in relief.

"no, don't be sorry it was my fault i actually tripped on my shoelaces..." you hit his chest playfully while you two sat on the not so clean ground for a good minute, exchanging glances and giggles but looking away when the blood rushed to your cheeks. as if you weren't dating already smh

Eventually gyuvin helped you up, dusting your pants and shirt from any dirt before enveloping you into a warm hug, your face squished in his chest but you hugged him back anyways.

"hey y/n, let's just play another sport next time."

"yeah, definitely."

-> i have no idea how to write these im too used to just making stories so yeah bonus imagine at the end ;p

[scoops-aboy86]

🧠🪱Wiggly Wednesday🪱🧠

Thanks for tagging me, @wheneverfeasible!

This is not fully formed at all, I was just listening to For Whom The Bell Tolls earlier and thought “Tolls for Thee” would be a cool fic title and also a good opportunity for a road toll pun. 

Cw for… major character death, I guess? It’s Eddie. 😔 It might be temporary. 

So Eddie gets attacked by the bats at the end of season four. He's proud of himself when he tells Dustin he didn’t run. And yeah, he’s bleeding and crying and dying and doesn’t even get a chance to close his eyes before slipping, but he knows he did the right thing and that makes it *his year.* 

Next thing he knows, he’s in the passenger seat of Wayne’s truck. He recognizes the road; this is the drive they took from where Wayne picked him up after Al’s arrest, heading back to Hawkins. At the time, twelve years old and full of restless frustration at having so little say in his own life (wanted a bike and Al got him one, but then pawned it; wanted to stay in his current school with the couple of friends he’d managed to make since the last move but child welfare had other ideas; wanted a guitar but like hell anyone was ever going to trust his clumsy ass with one; and so on), Eddie had spent the entire ride staring straight ahead at the End Of The Line, Dead End, Hawkins, Indiana. 

The truck pulls up to a toll station, and a familiar voice asks, “Got any change?”

Except, that’s not Wayne. 

Eddie startles and whips his head around to stare at Steve Harrington, looking like he had when driving the hot-wired RV. Still wearing the battle vest and torn shirt bandages, chest distractingly bare. 

“Hey,” Steve says, good-naturedly snapping his fingers in front of Eddie’s face. “My eyes are up here, man. You got any change or not?” When Eddie shakes his head, Steve just shrugs. “Me neither. Well, fuck it!” 

He floors it, tires shrieking as they speed past the booth without paying. And, fuck it, Eddie whoops and laughs along with him. What had he been so tense and sad about a minute ago? 

Oh. Right. 

“Am I dead?” Eddie asks, rolling his window up so there’s less wind to drown out the answer. On the other side of the truck cab, Steve does the same. 

“Eh,” Steve responds, wavering his hand in the air between them in a *kinda sorta* gesture. “It could go either way right now, but.” He nods forward, at the road. “We’re getting there.”

A pit opens in Eddie’s stomach. “We?”

“Well, you.” Steve flashes him an apologetic smile, the kind Eddie had seen in school whenever the guy had called Tommy to heel after something that crossed the line. “I’m just along for the ride. To keep you company, you know? Everyone has to do this alone, but there’s like… this instinct, you know? To have some sort of connection along the way. So, here I am.”

He’s a figment of Eddie’s imagination, then. It figures. Eddie has never had any actual one on one time with Steve except in the bad-dark-wrong version of the woods around Hawkins, displaced into a hostile alternate dimension and crawling with Vecna vines. Which maybe explains the choice in outfit, and the smudges of dirt and blood on the guy. 

“Sorry,” Eddie mutters anyway. Even though it’s not really Steve, and he can’t really apologize for the way he’s left Dustin holding his dying body. It does make him feel a little better, is the thing—which is the whole point. Closure. “You told me not to be a hero, and I guess I kind of fucked that up.”

“You sure did,” Steve says, sounding both amused and exasperated at the same time. 

“Still,” Eddie adds thoughtfully, “at least the company’s not too bad.” 

That’s all I’ve got. Maybe they hold hands for a bit. Maybe they get to the end of the line and before Eddie gets out of the truck he kisses Steve—which turns into Steve giving him the kiss of life back in the land of the living and Eddie is in the back of some vehicle that’s just pulling up to the ER. 

Who knows? Not me. Someone else write the rest, I’m tired. 

So tired I’m just gonna do my permanent tag list and call it a night. If you’re not so much with the writing, tell me a wiggly worm of something you’d like to read, idk. (Don’t say more of this, that’s cheating. 😭)

@hotluncheddie @lawrencebshoggoth @sofadofax @irishvampireboy @oatmilk-vampire

@hamiltonswiftie @grtwdsmwhr @yesdangerpls @theseaofdespair

[heart4reigns]

OPERATION: TOGETHER, roman reigns and cody rhodes (vi).

← previous chapter | next chapter →

warnings: curse words, comments about physical appearance, crying, mentions of death (family passing), switch up timeeeee

tags: charming cody at it again!! slight angst, depths into (y/n)'s life, FINALLY NOT FIGHTING W ROMAN, girlboss origin story, is it manipulation or not ? we will never know

"I'M so happy you're back in town." your mom smiled as she took a sip of her drink. "i'm only here for a couple of days, mom." you added. "you look like you need some rest, did you lose weight? you look stressed out..." she continued. "mom, i'm fine. work has been rough for me." you shook your head, trying to convince her that you were doing okay.

the last time you met your mom was months ago, you were still with roman. you told her about the break up via text messages, receiving paragraphs of prayers as a reply from her. "is paul giving you a hard time? because i'll smack his bald head if you want me too." that sentence made you choke on your coffee. "no mom. he's my boss and my friend, he's not a threat." you laughed at her sentence. "okay, i'm just making sure baby... how are you with roman?" the question was definitely out of the cage.

"we're done, i'm actually working with him now. all professional." "i call bullshit, i know you hate his guts." you were caught off guard by your mom’s reply. "yeah, i hate him. still do." the two of you sighed at the same time. "your dad wouldn't want this for you, baby. you know he didn't raise you that way." once again, you sighed at her reply. your dad loved roman. he loved everyone. he was well-known in the industry for his kindness. the entire industry loved him and he loved them. you carried on his legacy by still being in the industry, despite having people calling you a ruthless bitch.

"but dad isn't here, mom. after all roman broke my heart, dad would hate him too." silence greeted the two of you. you looked out the window, trying to find peace despite your stressful situation. "i just hope you'll find peace with yourself, someday. you deserve good things, baby." the relationship you had with your mom grew after your dad passed away. you didn’t have anyone except for her. being the only child was a burden as you had to make your family proud.

and there you were–the co-creative director of a company that made millions of dollars. you knew your dad would be proud of you, even if he wasn’t there to see you growing in the industry. you never gave up for him. “i miss him.” you admitted. “i miss dad, mom.” “he’s always watching you, dear. i miss him too.”

the trip to your hometown felt like a breath of fresh air. you still remembered the crooks in your neighborhood, the small bodega right next to the park, the fire hydrant that you tried to steal–you grew up here, the memories came flashing back. you were driving back to your house to drop your bags, you were going to stay there instead of being in a hotel room. the sound of your notifications caught your attention. “mom, can you read the text for me, please?” she picked up your phone.

“it’s from paul, he said ‘can you please look over costumes for a bit? i’m here and it’s a mess, we need you’.” you groaned in despair. “i’ll drop you off first mom, i gotta go to the arena.” your mother shook her head. “no, no. i’m going with you! it’s been a while." she replied. “mom, you know shawn michaels is not there right? you have no hopes running into him.” the two of you laughed together.

you walked through security, showing them your id card and telling them that your mom was with you. raw was on tonight, meaning you weren’t really in charge, paul was there to take care of it all. “mom, i’m going to be in the wardrobe room okay? you can sit down here, wait for a bit.” your mom nodded at your sentence. “jason! get the hangers!” you yelled, walking away from your mother–causing her to chuckle. “always so hotheaded.” she muttered.

cody dragged his suitcase to the hallways, whistling a song that was stuck in his head. “hey!” he greeted the crew. the man walked towards the hallways, stopping to tie his shoes. “hello there.” cody’s ears perked up as he heard an unfamiliar voice. “oh, hello!” he smiled. “you look like you need coffee.” the old lady laughed. “i actually do.” cody was definitely a people’s person. he always enjoyed conversations with random people. “well, we all need a coffee break sometimes.” she added. “i’ve never seen you around here, ma’am.” cody took a seat right next to her. “oh, i’m just waiting for my daughter.” he furrowed his brows in confusion. “and who could that be? do you want me to ask the crew?” she shook her head. “no, no. she’s right over there.”

the lady pointed at a certain woman who was lifting up a speaker. oh, he thought. “you’re (y/n)’s mother, i suppose.” once again, she nodded at his sentence. “mrs. (l/n), i’m cody rhodes. i’m (y/n)’s friend and colleague.” he finally introduced himself. “dusty’s kid, right?” cody politely nodded. “how’s working with her been for you, cody?” she asked. “it’s been…” cody paused for a second. “it’s been amazing. she knows how to bring the best out of people.”

“i couldn’t agree more, although she is a lot sometimes. i know all the gossip from paul.” the two of them chuckled. “i got used to it. i just pull her closer to me.” your mom raised a brow. “not in that way, i meant i didn’t push her away." cody backtracked. "ah, i thought you were her new boyfriend or something, she doesn't really talk to me about her love life after roman." she added. cody couldn't help but to agree. "yes, i know she doesn't really talk to people anymore ever since the break up," he paused for a second.

"but i'm trying my best to be there for her." cody continued. your mother's eyes softened as she turned to face him. “you’re a good person, cody. i know you’re a good friend to her too…” she complimented him. cody couldn't stop smiling. "are you guys shit-talking about me?" they looked up and saw you carrying a huge container full of costumes. "let me get them for you, where do you want me to put it?" cody immediately stood up from his seat. "no need to-" "no, you go accompany your mom, just tell me where to put it."

you knew that your mom was going to interrogate you about cody. but nothing came out of her mouth. "you're not gonna ask me about him?" she shook her head. "i don't need to, unless there's something going on between you." you groaned. "nothing is going on between me and him, we're friends." your mother only snickered at your comment. "come on, i'm finished. i'll drive you home." you took your mother's hand, attention fully diverted to your phone. you told paul that you were going to drop your mom and drive back to the arena a little bit later than usual.

"sorry." you muttered under your breath, bumping into something–or rather, someone. “mrs. (l/n).” you rolled your eyes. here we go again, you thought. “roman, it’s been a while.” your mother replied. “how are you?" he asked. "i've been doing well, how are you?" "better than ever." of course he was better than ever. "come on, mom. let's go." you said. "MRS. (L/N), WHAT'S GOOD?" right before you could drag your mom back to the car, the twins and their little brother attacked your mom with a hug. "oh my god." you sighed.

"okay, we're here." you pulled up in front of your old house. "i'll leave the keys near the-" "garden pot, right next to the roses." your mother smiled at your sentence. "as usual." the two of you sat in silence. "i talked to that rhodes boy, he's nice. reminds me a lot of his dad." you nodded. "he's... nice. he doesn't give up on me, at least for now." you added. "soon he'll just grow tired of me and leave me like everybody else."

she placed her hand on your shoulder. "no one is going to leave you, dear. people come and people go, but those who stay, they truly care about you. take your time to heal. not everyone deserves a second chance, but it won't hurt you by forgiving your own past." that sentence made you choke up on your own tears. "m- mom, i'm tired." "i know, baby. i know." you hugged her. "be better for yourself, not for anyone else."

you went back to the arena, this time alone. show was going to start in a couple of hours and you were ready to go. you sighed as you exited the car, seeing a couple of familiar faces in the parking lot. it was none other than your ex-boyfriend, again. "hi." he greeted you. "what do you want now, reigns?" he shook his head. "nothing, i was just getting my charger." he held up a pouch full of cables. "oh, then move along." you really didn't have any energy to argue, you were just crying your eyes out in your car. "do you wanna walk to the venue together?" you didn't know what possessed you to agree with him.

it was probably the first time in months that you were alone with him in the locker room. “i’m glad your mom is healthy.” he muttered, wrapping his hands with his gloves. “yeah.” you replied, still not having the energy to argue. “i can tell that she misses you a lot.” you nodded in response. silence greeted the two of you. you noticed that his gloves were slightly unbuckled. "your gloves." you pointed at them. "hmm?" he looked down.

you sat up from your seat and tightened his gloves. "it's tight enough now." you said. you looked up and made eye-contact with him. his brown eyes didn't change at all, contrary to yours–life was still present in those eyes. roman thought differently. you looked tired as if everything was coming to get you. "(y/n)." roman muttered, holding your arm. "what?" you stared at him, uncertain about your own emotions. you felt like you really needed a break after all of this.

“i’m sorry."

once again, silence filled the room. there was no tension in the air–just pure silence. "stop apologizing, roman." you sighed. "there's nothing to apologize over anymore." you added. "i know." he shortly replied. "i just..." roman stumbled on his own words. "i don't know, i'm sorry. it feels like you deserve an apology for everything. i'm sorry-" "please stop apologizing." you felt tears forming in your eyesight. "please, i'm serious." you continued, voice slightly cracking.

"it's just i don't want to see you in pain, seeing you with cody reminded me of who you were, (y/n). i miss that (y/n). i know the damage is done, but i just want us to be okay." you shook your head. "we can never be okay again, roman. you broke my fucking heart." you stuttered. "i know. this is me trying to pay for my wrongdoings." he was still holding your arm. "w- what is it with you, roman? you suddenly want to be in my life again. what happened?"

"maybe i miss you, (y/n). maybe i miss us and i made a mistake."

a/n: writing this made me realize that i do in fact have mommy issues also do you think roman is manipulating (y/n) by being nice and taking her for granted again or not :3

[quillinhand]

favourite snape hcs go 🎤

Hiiii

this is gonna take a while cuz I've been waiting for someone to ask this question for so long- so sorry for answering this post after a while lol

ok so.

he hates coffee, but marking and juggling all his work means it's often the only thing keeping him awake, and my man, he likes to take his coffee with enough cream and sugar to kill a small child. for energy, of course.

he likes to sleep. will commit murder if someone disturbs him.

actually likes marking. something about shitting on teenagers calm him down.

sometimes, he'll take out his old essays and go thru them with red ink. no teenager is as fun to shit on as yourself. except perhaps potter.

pan ace. am not accepting arguments

had sex for the first in the early days after graduation and initiation into the death eaters. hated it. very much.

loves physical touch and so, naturally, will make it impossible for anyone to touch him

has the weirdest possible relationship with Lucius malfoy but like, we don't talk about that.

(They are as close as you get to fucking/killing each other without actually fucking/killing each other. Knows each others darkest secrets but still would kill the other to keep themselves alive sort of close)

has a similar relationship with voldy shorts except, with our resident evil it's like, not consensual? Sort of? idk . My man's into tall dark and creepy ok? except in Lucius's case it's tall blonde and rich/ridiculous but. we don't talk about that.

Severus fucking Snape didnt become friends with Lily fucking Evans cuz she was pretty. nope. Twas cuz ma girl was powerful as heck(like him) and, more importantly, a bitch(like him). You are kidding yourself if ya think their friendship was anything other than that.

his relationship with his parents is a toxic one in that there IS some level of care there, but Tobias is too much of a depressed 30 something man to be a good father and Eileen was too much of a proud hag to be a good mother, and Severus was too much like them to be able to deal with their shit.

a huge part of why he used the mental arts so much was cuz he couldn't handle his emotions easily for the longest time, and would burst at the smallest thing. this was the trait that made him such a good target for bullying. the one trait he could never quite get rid of- just hide, under steel walls and scars that opened far too easily.

after lily died, he occluded to the point of magical exhaustion and ended up collapsing. wrecked his body to the point of him not being able to move for months. this was one of the first, and only things he learned to be kind to himself for, and relaxed with his occlumency shields as much as he could. and then voldy returned, and. well.

he is the Slytherin house's hero. not that he understands why. something about the whole, evil, dark, vampire aesthetic was very appealing ya see.

my man wears heels to look taller. not accepting arguments

his whole outfit was carefully planned. 20s Snape had FUN, I tell you. My man spent YEARS cultivating his whole vibe, from the expressions, to the poetry, to the ROBES- perfection, perfection. have you any idea how much he argued with tailors that, no, he actually didn't give a fuck if the robe he wanted was too tight for pockets. what the actual FUCK do you mean.

the buttons have so much history

his eye colour is actually just. gray, but like my man likes the whole vibe of ✨ obsidian ✨ more so. makes sure to stay around dimly lit areas for maximum effect.

he did actually go to school before hogwarts, but like he couldn't control his magic, so my man would bust the lights and flood the bathrooms and make the chairs hit the teachers he didn't like. The AMOUNT of confounding Eileen had to do to distract the town from their magic- worthy of a book series on its own.

I'm ending cuz this is already so longgg. sorry for answering lateee. ilyy 💜💜💜

[mageofseven]

Surprise Birth- Diavolo Route

I finally got around to writing this one!

For those who may be new or simply don't remember, I originally wrote a series for most of the Boys where they and MC have a children. After starting that, I was asked to make a version where neither MC nor their lover knew about the pregnancy till MC was giving birth. I did this for all of the Brothers and now I'm doing this for Dia and MC's child.

Unlike with the original birth (which can be found here), MC's pregnancy will be no where as difficult as before and will be much more covert, hence why she doesn't know about it till she gives birth.

Also, just a warning. This Surprise Birth turned out pretty different from the other. I was really struck with inspiration so I added more world building elements to this one than I have the other. I think this was a good addition and I'm very proud of my work, but please tell me what you think!

Lucifer, Mammon, Levi | Satan, Asmo | Beel, Belphie

•▪︎▪︎◇°●♡●°◇▪︎▪︎•

MC remembers it; the night that changed everything. A night where only after it happened did she realize she knew so little about the Devildom, despite calling it her home.

Dia had just bought her a new dress for a party. It wasn't going to be a fun one, according to him. It was one of many the prince had to go to. For royalty, a party is just work under the guise of relaxation and fun. In truth, the man found them to be very draining; that's why he had asked MC to join him. At least he'd be able to spend time with her instead of secretly counting down the clock till he can leave in a polite manner.

Devil, she was nervous, but she was determined to go and support her boyfriend no matter what. And he was so excited too! He had his designer make this beautiful red lace dress. It was long, but with a deeper 'V' than she has ever worn and was cut along one side to show off her whole left leg.

(Btw the way, I love this dress so much! I'm dropping in the pics so you can see too okay bye)

She loved it--except it didn't fit. The woman really didn't realize until that moment that she actually gained weight. With hindsight, the woman wished she would have looked into why she had suddenly gained the weight, but at the time, she had no reason to think it was anything serious. She assumed that she had just been snacking too much lately.

It was so embarrassing for her to admit to her boyfriend that the dress didn't fit. After all, he went through all that trouble to have a dress be designed for her and the amount of grimm he spent on it was probably more than she could make in a lifetime.

Still, Dia didn't care at all. To him, it was such a trivial thing to have his designer make the dress a bit bigger, even though it was last minute, and he didn't care that her stomach bulged out just a little more than before. In his mind, his Queen was still gorgeous; she could weigh double what she weights now and it still wouldn't matter to him.

Diavolo was insanely sweet, as always. Once the new dress came and MC's hair and makeup was all done, the couple headed out to the party at the Abalams' estate.

She remembers being all starry-eyed at the party. Classical music being played by a live orchestra, demons of so many genders and styles wearing the most beautiful clothes (though some wore very little at all; MC thought her dress was a bit revealing, but in truth, her dress looked more conservative in comparison with the other guests' attire), food the human couldn't even identify but was actually excited to try (as long as Dia said they were safe for her to eat).

The woman was so excited...until she noticed all eyes on her. MC didn't know if it was because she was a human attending a party for the demonic elite or if it was because she was attending as the date to the literal demon prince.

Her grip on her boyfriend's arm tighten, causing him to lean in and whisper in her ear.

"My Queen, breathe. And smile. All with be fine."

The woman took a deep breathe like he told her and gave her best attempt at a smile for the other guests.

That's when a woman came into view. She was wearing...something. There wasn't a single thread of cloth on this woman. Instead, she wore an intricate series of metal and gemstones. It hid very little of her body and made a slight jingle with each step, reminding the human of a cat with a bell on their collar. Her long white hair was wrapped in two bun on her head, big enough to cover the pale horns behind them. Somehow, she gave off this air of both fitting in with her environment and contrasting with it.

"Dia!" The woman threw her arms around the prince, who smiled back.

"Lady Abalam, glad to see you're cheerful as always."

Lady Natalona Abalam, as she was then told, was a lust demon and the oldest daughter of Matriarch Abalam, a well respected pride demon.

The Abalams were one of Diavolo's biggest supporters in the Primordial Senate, a group of the oldest families in the Devildom with enough political influence to make the royal family weary.

Not too long ago (by demon standards), the Abalams and the royal family were at odds politically. The Abalams were proud members of the Aldatu faction, a political party within demonic society. They believe change is always beneficial. With change comes chaos and chaos is the path demons have walked since the beginning of time.

Back when Diavolo was growing up, his family was backing the Traditionalist faction, a political party that believed order was not just meant for the Celestial realm and could be used in small does to keep their society in line and to continue following the ways of the Old Ones.

When Diavolo's father fell into his deep slumber though, Dia essentially was given fully reign for his family and his kingdom. Though a stressful change, it was also one where he felt like he could make a real difference and really believed true peace could be brought to the Three Realms, that each race could learn from and understand one another.

Such views were heavily discouraged by the Traditionalists and so he used his authority as prince to change alliances. Honestly, this woman never realized just how much effort he truly put into things. Diavolo did more than build a school and start an exchange program. He fought in the trenches that were his people's politics, gained allies and enemies alike in order to push his people and the people of the other realms into a new age.

MC felt ashamed. How was she only learning all of this now? Yes, most of this work took place long before she was born, but these were still realm altering accomplishments of her boyfriend's and she never knew.

The demon woman pulled back and smiled at MC.

"Awwww, you must be that cute little human he always talks about~."

MC blushed.

"Hi, ya, I guess I am--."

The demoness threw her arms around her.

"You are just too cute!" She gushed. "I could just eat you up~."

The woman broke the hug and stood back.

"Kidding, kidding." She laughed. "Trust me, I am so not my sister."

Diavolo laughed with her before changing the subjects.

"Oh, I heard about the incident. How's your fiancée healing up?"

"Oh she's fine, believe me." The demoness smiled. "Honestly? She bruised her ego way more than anything--shit."

Dia raised an eyebrow.

"Is everything alright?"

The demoness laughed.

"Just...give me a minute please." She said before slipping by the couple and running the fastest she could in her heels towards another demoness who had grabbed one of the waiters by the collar and lifted him from the ground. "V, put him down or so help me!"

Apparently, V was Lady Viviana Uwan; a wrath demon and Lady Abalam's fiancée.

That interaction was one of many that night that taught her what her boyfriend's job really was and gave her a glimpse at Devildom society that she never truly saw.

By the end of the night, MC was overwhelmed with all of the knowledge she had collect. It's scary, in a way, when you realized the place you've loved for so long was more of a stranger to you. Funnily enough, RAD didn't prepare her for the 'real world' here in the Devildom any better than the school in the Human realm prepared her for the 'real world' there.

Not to mention all she's learned about her boyfriend. Like, how is she learning all about his accomplishments from strangers? Why has Dia never told her about any of this?

Noticing the change in his Queen's mood, Dia excused himself from a conversation and led MC out to an empty balcony overlooking a garden.

"Are you getting tired, Sweetheart? You aren't looking too well."

MC shook her head and leaned against the marble railing. She stared out at the garden with this faraway look in her eyes.

"I don't even know the Devildom, do I?" She asked softly. "Do I even know you?"

"What do you mean?" His eyes widened.

He reached out to take her hand, but the human pulled hers away before turning to face him.

"The state of this place is so divided it's deadly." She told him. "Its so different than everything we learn at RAD. Student walk away not even knowing the real status of the realm they study in. We don't even have a political science class to explain the basics of this stuff."

The prince's frown deepen.

"RAD...is suppose to show the students the best of us; especially to the transfer students." He explained. "It's to show that even with our darker side that we are redeemable, that we area capable of peace and understanding."

"Then why hide it from me?" The woman started tearing up. "And why not tell me about all you did to make this possible? The school, the cultural exchange, the societal changes? You treat it all like a small thing that just happened to work in your favor, but you worked for it. For hundreds of years! And I never knew..."

MC had no clue why she was crying and in truth, part of her knew being upset over this stuff was silly, but the woman still couldn't hold it in.

Dia reached out and pulled her into his arms. He rubbed her back as he gave her a minute to just cry in his arms.

"I admit, I'm at a loss for worlds." He kissed her head. "I'm sorry that this has been an overwhelming night for you. We'll head home now."

MC pulled back and wiped her face with her hand. She started to nodded in response before noticing movement in the corner of her eyes. When she tried focusing on it, her head was overwhelmed with a sharp pain. She close her eyes and raised a hand to her head.

"What is it? Sweetheart?"

MC just shook her head.

"Nothing, I... I saw something thing over there."

Dia turned around to see what his girlfriend was talking about and the next things the human knew, he was pushing her inside the building.

And then she heard an explosion.

MC opened her eyes. Her vision was blurry and bouncing around. She hear ringing in her ears and, seemingly in the distance, heard screaming.

It took her a minute to realize she was being carried. She heard Dia, who also sounded far away, to close her eyes, to not look at 'them'.

Then she passed out once again.

After that, MC remembers waking up in Dia's bed. Her brain was fuzzy at first, but she slowly started to remember the party. Body aching, the human started to slip out of bed, but stopped when the bedroom door starting opening.

Barbatos came in with a silver tray filled with food.

"Ah, I figured you'd be awake." The butler smiled his usual smile.

"Where Dia? What happen--"

"My lord is finishing up some business. I'll let him know you've awaken, but first, you must eat."

Thats when the human learned she had been unconscious for the past 36hrs. The party had been attacked, but both herself and Diavolo were okay.

Later, she learned from Dia that the attack at the party was led by the Traditionalists...and their target was MC herself.

The Aldatu viewed MC as a pleasant curiosity. The Traditionalists, however, viewed her as a symbol of everything that has gone wrong in their realm.

No where was safe for the human; even if Diavolo sent her home to the Human realm, these demons would just track her down. All Dia could do for his girlfriend was lockdown the castle, armor the building up with wards and defenses, and prepare for civil war.

And that's how MC's months of isolation began. Her boyfriend was out leading armies. Lucifer and his brothers were out fighting a new war...and the woman felt like it was all her fault.

MC spent her isolation deep in depression. She felt like all she did was eat and sleep so when she gained weight, she blamed herself for that too.

Some days she was so worried sick about her boyfriend and the brothers that she'd find herself in the bathroom, puking.

Occasionally Barbatos would come check on her and ease the pain in her heart just a bit, but mostly it was just herself and the occasional Little D in the fortified castle for months on end.

Eventually, an end did come for MC, but by the devil was it a painful one.

After months of isolation and weight gain, the woman start having these horrible cramps. The Little Ds didn't know how to help her, but promised to send word to Barbatos so he could instruct them on the matter.

Twelve hours of this pain came and went. The woman was leaning against the post of the bed, heavily sobbing and praying to universe that if she has to died, just do it. End her suffering because that's all she wanted at this point.

A pool of blood was under her feet her feet and half a baby was hanging out below her, but she couldn't recognize anything over the pain she felt.

She didn't even hear the door open.

After months of war, Diavolo was home. Barb told him that he had gotten a message from the Little Ds that MC wasn't feeling well so he rushed to his room and practically slammed open the door, just to find his girlfriend bent over the bed, blood dripping down her legs, and a baby hanging between them.

"MC!" Dia rushed to her side just in time to catch her as she fell, her vision going black.

She saw a glimpse of her boyfriend before the darkness came and before she slipped away, the human felt some peace.

He's okay. He came back to me.

~

Diavolo sat out in the hallway, head in his hands. Barbatos had brought him a chair to wait in over an hour ago and he's been here ever since. He had one doctor in his room with MC and another in the room down the hall, tending to his son.

His son. In any other situation, this man would be downright overjoyed right now. He's a father. He has a child with the woman he loves more than his own existence. But everything is wrong.

He fought a war to keep her safe, but in the end, he also neglected her. He didn't know she was pregnant. Devil, there's so much he would have done if he had just known. Instead, his Queen suffered for months her own and as she birthed his son, the baby's overdeveloped horns cut through her. His son could have killed her just as easily as the extremists that originally targeted her. If he had been a bit slower returning home, what would have happened to his Sweetheart?

Honestly, Diavolo has never loathed himself more in his entire life than he did right now. MC is the most precious being to him in all three realms. How could he have let this happen?

MC's doctor came out to let the prince know that his girlfriend was stable. He gave Dia a list of potions and salves that needed to be given to her twice a day for the next few weeks at minimum, but otherwise she should make a full recovery.

Dia thanked the doctor before rushing into the room, finding his beloved awake, but incredibly pale from all of the blood loss she suffered.

"Dia?" The woman spoke tiredly, still seeming a bit out of it. "What happened?"

Diavolo knelt at the side of the bed and took her hand in his, pressing them against his heart.

"You had my child." He said, broken hearted. "I'm so sorry I didn't know."

"I...what?" Her eyes widen. "I thought I was dying."

You could have.

That thought crushed the man. The prince laid his head on the human's torso and silently cried.

"Sweetie..." MC took her other hand and stroked his red hair. "It's okay; I'm okay."

But you almost weren't.

Instead of speaking that thought, the demon just shook his head.

"I almost lost you..." The demon raised his head. "But never again, I swear to you that I will never leave your side again."

He gave her a gentle kiss.

"I...I want to be with you forever," He said softly. "Or however long this life will give you to me. And I want to dedicate myself to you in every way I can."

Dia took both her hands in his and stared down into her eyes.

"My Queen...please marry me."

MC just stared in disbelief.

"You would marry me? Even though I'm human..."

"Why would you say that? I've never had an issue with your humanity."

"But other demons have." She reminded him. "You literally went to war because of me."

"And I'd do it again," He placed a hand on their cheek. "Because nothing and no one is more important to me than you."

Tears streaked down MC's face.

"Do...do you mean it?"

"With every ounce of my being."

The woman sniffled before nodding.

"Yes. Yes, I'll marry you."

The two cried together as they kissed and held each other.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door followed by it being opened.

"Pardon the intrusion." The butler smiled. "But I assumed you two would be ready for him."

The man stepped inside, holding the baby swaddled in a soft red blanket

Dia grinned the biggest smile of his life.

"Of course!" His eyes darted to MC before softening. "Let my future wife hold him first."

"My, so much has changed here in the castle so fast." Barbatos remarked as he walked over and carefully laid the babe in his mother's arms. "Congratulations, my lord and lady."

MC stared down at her son, feeling so much disbelief but even more love. She didn't know...she had no clue she was going to be a mother, but as she met her son's eyes, ones he shared with his father, the human couldn't help but be so incredibly grateful that things ended up the way they did.

The two named their son Ashur.

[jackalopes-pen]

Dumb Brain Child

Gadies and lentlemen of the internet, when we got a Janus video did anyone except me to not make a post about my favorite side? I think most of most followers did. So, go watch the newest video, come back, and strap in.

(before anything, I'm aware I'm four days late. SHUT.)

So, the first thing that caught my eye was that, in theory, the GRWM is working from a c!Thomas disguise, which apparently he has, to his look. This could be good to know for the finale in case c!Thomas is acting off/ argumentative.

Janus appears to have some degree of pride about his appearance being replicated right (?). It could be an internal thing (ex: they don't pay enough attention to me ot get it right) or (look at me more, please). Either one, his ego is the size of Canada.

Next thing! Janus doesn't have both eyebrows. He has to cover C!Thomas' up with colour correction, glue, and foundation. So he definitely possesses only one eyebrow which is weird when you think too long about it. While doing this section, he mentions that he enjoys reality television because none of it is real and it's purely underhanded deception... which tracks. It also tells us that he does enjoy seeing other liars at work when it's done well and in a non-self-deprecating way. This probably part of the reason he calls out Patton & Roman for their lies. Their lies hurt themselves.

S/N: Remus eating Janus' glue sticks is so canon and I adore it.

The thing that made me make this whole post in the first place was when we got to the eye section. His smile dropped. You can see, as soon as he says "eye" his mouth muscles relax showing that he isn't happy anymore. Clearly, his eye is a sensitive subject and this is even when the fan questions are introduced as a distraction from the eye section.

Could this actually be a scar like Joan said? A scar that Janus is very insecure about. He doesn't talk at all about the actual makeup during this, he just answers fan questions and mentions colour mixing. He also says during this section that he has dark circles, perhaps implying that he isn't taking as much care of himself as he wants the rest to believe. Dark circles are a sign of loss of sleep and stress. After all, he states "The only opinion that matters in your own" but what if your own opinion is negative? It could also just be a case of Remus is a bad roommate.

We see during the mouth section, that Janus apparently has "snake telepathy" which may contribute to Ye Olde "Roman was not Roman during Moving On 1 & 2" theory. Janus could;ve been using telepathy to guide Roman's decisions.

Finally, we get to the scales which Janus is clearly very proud of. He adores his scales. He talks about how they're pretty, and highlights them with his hands. It is fun to see that something he gets a lot of insults for is something he really likes and won't take shit about.

Final Conclusion:

This was an in-character cosplay tutorial that I looked into way too much.

[twosomeofcuteness]

DW Season Finale Thoughts! (Spoilers below the cut)

Sorry, Mrs. Flood is dead???? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? She was teased the entire season and now she's just dead? WTF

Kate noooooo I miss you come back

Hey wait a second, where's rose?

Please don't nickname the god of death

What's this weirdo ship. Oh. Thx doc. Aw Mel hugging the tie

"We're on fire" gives me the same vibe as "I'm in danger" and I can't explain why

Great work gang.

Now wait a second cause I thought everyone was supposed to be dead except Ruby (based on the episode description)

goddamn it's 73 yards again

Okay this sutekh stuff is fun and all but can we get to the part where River Song is Ruby's mom and also please can River Song be Ruby's mom and also not dead and please can River come back I miss her

Welp. Everyone's dead ig 'cept these three.

Hey wait if everyone everywhere you landed is dying wouldn't that kill the Vashta Nerada on the library planet? Cause that'd be pretty cool actually

Aw nice the motherfuckers (daleks) are dead. A win.

Hey wait a second, why haven't we seen the daleks this season I kinda miss the mfs

oml doctor stop with the pity party it's gonna be okay

okay actually nvm gimme more of the feral screaming cause that's real as hell

Okay but also where is the fun in everything and everyone being dead? What are you gonna do with the rest of your life now Sutekh???? HUH?? Did you think of that???

Okay okay so Ruby is greater than the doctor that's interesting to know... Maybe cause her mom is River Song child of the TARDIS????? (Guys I really want River to come back, I can't help it)

doc if everyone is dead how are you talking to someone? I am confusion

Oh she dead now.

Ruby answer the time window sweetie

oh damn even the god of death wanna know who Ruby's mom is

NO don't tell her she's human please I need her to be River's kid.

NO MEL SWEETIE BABY NOOOOO

"Love a whistle" is holding hands with "love a tomb" gimme my wife back please

hey guys maybe pay attention cause Mel's not okay rn

no. leave Mel on the tardis please

this is the doctor who show. they can't kill doctor who. not permanently

nope nope, turn that screen around doc don't let me see

yessss send her to keep watch good job

poor mel. Sutekh don't hurt my babyyyy

Mel sweetie you're so strong you can fight him please sweetie

no MELLLLLLLLLLLLL BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

don't give him the name Rubes okay you can do it

literally an empty empire sounds so boring like wtf

Doc keep your mouth shut cause baby you ain't helping

RUBY NO

is ruby ruby's mom?

shut up scooby doo

YESSS RUBY

YES TARDIS BABY ILY WELCOME BACK HONEY I'M SO SORRY YOU HAD SUTEKH ON YOU FOR SO LONG WITHOUT CONSENT

MEL BABY WELCOME BACK

OMG ROSE DEAREST YOU'RE OKAY

hey it's that guy who died behind the tardis last episode. he's okay now

alright so mrs flood who tf are you?

yes welcome back the ood!!!!!

welome back random woman and her child glad you're okay

yo is doc gonna kill sutekh???

ah lit death is dead... Can River come back now??????

doctor sweetie it's gonna be okay

oh neat Susan Triad you doing great proud of you. lmaooo not with the tea then

hey wait a damn minute give ruby the credit she deserves for saving the world

NOOOOOOOO WHY ISN'T IT RIVER *SOBBINGS*

I'm sure louise is great but I wish she was River.

Nah that signpost thing was silly

lmao mel just pats his arm and walks away that's hilarious

Doc you idiot you can't take the girl to her mom and then expect her not to go in and see her mom

stop my adopted ass can't take this and neither can the doctor's cause he is not doing well.

imagine if that wasn't her though cause that'd be real funny

awkward for that store employee too

oh thank fuck I thought he was gonna abandon her

NO NO NO WAIT RUBY'S COMING BACK NEXT SEASON RIGHT?!?!?! CAUSE I LOVE HER AND I DON'T WANNA LOSE HER

DOCTOR STOP YOU DON'T LIKE GOODBYES PLEASE DON'T SAY GOODBYE NOT TO YOUR BESTIE

River didn't come back AND he said goodbye to Ruby wtf is this.

Oml mrs flood who even are you leave me alone already.

In conclusion this is how I currently feel:

[number1villainstan]

19, 22, 34

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

My writing journey? I'm not sure if it can be called that, but if it can be then it started young. Very young. I've always been an imaginative child, and I believe the story I have of mine is from third grade. My writing journey is my entire life, really, jumping from fandom to fandom, daydreaming and writing and daydreaming and stopping and starting in fits and bursts in a chaotic waveform with no overarching pattern except for forward and getting better. "When" and "why" I started are useless questions--I've been a writer since I learned enough language to be a writer. There have always been stories living inside my head. I am a writer because I am a writer. I was born that way. It is a core part of me.

That being said, there are certain specific milestones to remark on:

When I was 11 or so, I often had the constant urge to write down the stories that were in my head, but I ignored this urge too often. I don't remember why. ADHD task initiation struggles? Lack of access to a computer? An unclear path to accomplish the task? This isn't to say that I ignored that urge 100% of the time--this was around the age when I started making Google Docs with story names, or perhaps I did that earlier. I can't quite remember. But the fact of the matter is--I ignored that urge too often, and now it's gone and I do not know how to get that fire back. It would help greatly with my own productivity now.

When I was 12, I found FF.net and subsequently made an account. A lot of old, terrible fic is still on that old account.

When I was 14, in August of 2016, I decided to do a little writing challenge for myself--or rather, "so that my readers know I'm not dead" (even if I didn't really have any readers): I wanted to write a short piece every month. And I am still writing a 'short piece' every month. The earliest of those tend to be 300-500 words; nowadays they're upwards of 1000 words, and I believe the longest out of all of them is a solid 3k words. And while I've skipped a few months by accident here and there, I'm proud to say I've been quite consistent with this series.

When I was around 16 or so, two things happened: number 1, I decided to switch from FF.net to Ao3, and number 2, I got a cellphone. When I switched to Ao3 I decided to port only my monthlies, because I had a lot of basically-abandoned multichapter fics on there that I had no idea how to finish, and I made switching to Ao3 a new start--I was a chronic pantser at that point, and still am in many ways, but that was the point when I started actually writing out notes and small outlines and doing prep work for my stories. Getting a phone was also a notable moment because it enabled me to work on my stories away from a computer, and because of a little journal app called Day One, in which I began to do daily writing practice that wasn't working on a specific WIP.

As I started to close out high school, I wrote and published on Ao3 my very first finished (and currently only) multichapter fic: start living when your heart stops, which was originally supposed to be 5 chapters and ended up 9 chapters. It was my first proper exercise in plotting out a story, and it was made possible in large part by an enforced and regular routine that I lost when COVID hit and when I went to college.

(There were probably certain milestones that I hit while in college--such as participating in my first (and currently only) bang/fic-and-art exchange event, or switching from Google Docs to LibreOffice--but none are jumping out at me as important.)

As for where I am now? I'm still working on prep work, and I still don't have a good routine for writing. But the ideas that I have are evolving. I've entered an experimental era of sorts, dipping my toes into things I'm not practiced at writing, even with my extensive history of wild AUs, such as symbolism, real-world critiques, longer narratives and more complex narrative structures. I am also attempting to (at least sometimes) force myself to write more than one draft, because I know full well that my writing improves dramatically with more than one draft, but without a solid routine for writing (and with ADHD on top of that) it's difficult to make myself do so. Still, I'm hopeful.

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

Not incredibly. I use mostly my computer and LibreOffice to write my stories, and my usual method of organization is to have an Outline/Notes section at the top of the document (or Brainstorming, if it's an MSP) and an Actual Writing section below that, with subheaders for different chapters or scenes. It allows me to make notes of things that may not be said outright in the story but would still inform character's decisions or plot events and to jump around and write scenes out of order without messing things up or losing track of the story.

I also have Day One, a journal app, which I use for daily writing practice--a lot of random ideas and snippets get written down and stored there, and the consistency of writing in it has (I believe) greatly improved my writing-related microskills, like sentence structure and word choice.

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

I love it. Can't get enough of it. It adds so much clarity and conciseness--why isn't it mandatory?

[porphyriosao3]

A Paladin Named Filth

"So... that Wroot character seemed to know you." Filth's massive shoulders sank a bit from where he was preparing the evening meal, but he nodded gamely.

"Aye." A flat response. Wyll certainly wasn't one to take a hint, but maybe...

"If you had met him before, why did you say nothing?" He cursed, beard bristling. Leave it to Lae'zel to jump in. "He might have been useful."

"He knew of me, like," Filth replied shortly. "Not proper me, ye ken." He cast his gaze to the symbol on his surcoat, hung up to form a makeshift shrine. The eye on the gauntlet seemed to stare back at him, judging as it always did. You know, it seemed to say. You know the proper path. With a deep sigh, he came back with plates and handed around the rations.

"I do not understand." Lae'zel barely glanced at her plate, taking it without a word of thanks as usual. "Either he knew you, or he did not." Helm's grace, she was young.

"Well..." He took a moment, said a quick prayer to the Vigilant One, then bit into the ham he'd sliced. When the taste of good salt meat hit he glanced down; proper food, for once. With a trace of a smile he looked up, a shred of good humor returning with actual food. "It's to do with my past. You'll have noticed I'm not the youngest here." An understatement - he was a good century older than anyone in camp except that poncy vampire. Filth was still unsure he should have let him live, but Helm's way was to judge each according to their acts and not their nature. Flawed as he was, he kept the faith.

"If you'd rather not say," Wyll said finally, cutting his eyes at Lae'zel, "don't let us pressure you into anything. It just seemed odd. We all have pasts we'd rather not dig up."

"Nay, lad, 's fine," Filth sighed. "I've told the roster of me sins many a time, another won't be the end." He chewed meditatively for a moment, then sat up into a proper position to speak. "I were a smith for years, me. Darkblood clan, not too strong, not too weak, we mined and dealt three days east o' Ust Natha. Got drafted to be a slaver. Brought out the worst in me as it does in many." Lae'zel made that chk noise she used to show disgust, but he ignored it. Not too pleased with himself either.

"A slaver?" Wyll was properly shocked, and Helm help him but these were all just kids he was traveling with. They were all so bloody young. "But... you're a paladin!"

"Aye, and so I am." Pale eyes cut across the circle. "And given that you're in thrall to the lass with the horns an' wings, maybe a little less of the outrage? I'm not proud of what I did. But you asked, and so I tell my tale." A chuckle from the darkness indicated that the leech was prowling about; fine if he heard as well. Filth's pride was one of many things he had sacrificed to Helm, and one more listener was nowt. "I enjoyed it more than I should - havin' others I could slap around, use as I saw fit. Got quite a reputation. I was Tav in those days, Black Tav, for my name in youth was Gustav, y'see." He stared into the fire, remembering those days in all their grime and misery. "Weren't like even the slavers had an easy life of it. Always at the beck an' call of the tallboys in the city, Drow tchukh. One day I took a gnome woman's child from her arms. Threw it in the water in front of her. She cursed me, and I laughed at the time. Weren't no way a babe could survive the march ahead, claimed I were doin' her a kindness." He was braced for the disgust on the faces before him. No more than he deserved, he knew. "That march went close to the surface, though, y'see, and turns out a war was on. We wasn't armored for much, seein' as we were just runnin' a coffle o' shorties to Ust Natha. Crew of soldiers from some army or another went through us like a hot knife through lard."

"No more than you deserved," Wyll said bitterly. "No man trusts a slaver." Lae'zel said nothing but her eyes were burning. It was clear she didn't disagree.

"Well, and nor should they. We weren't the most trustworthy lot, 's true." Filth stirred the fire to give his hands something to do. "So there I lay against the wall of the cave, dead stacked around me like ore in t' hopper. Turns out we all look pretty much the same in death. Oh yeah," he grinned over at Wyll, "they killed the slaves too. They didn't kill us for honor or glory or to save the poor shorties, nay... they killed us for bein' there, and because we were armed, and might be spies or scouts they said. Mostly they just killed us for meanness, and that's no more than we deserved. But there I sat for a day and more, guts spillin' out in my lap, before a light appeared." He swallowed tightly; some memories were more sensitive than others. "Man appeared. Full armor, him, and not a sign of tiredness, but he starts shiftin' the dead around, layin' em out, and patchin' me up. Said his god - Lord Helm - had sent him. Sent him to find... find me." He coughed to cover the roughness in his throat. "Said I could be more than I was."

"How did he know?" Lae'zel asked with uncharacteristic softness. "Who knew you were there?"

"Helm told him." Filth shrugged. "'Tis the way of things. And I'd been doin' some thinkin' of my own, sittin' there in the dark waitin' for scavengers or ghouls or who knows what to smell the blood and come. The errors of my life came clear, y'know? Since leavin' my forge I'd brought nothin' to anyone but misery and spite, me as well as them, and I was makin' the world a worse place by bein' in it. Seemed to me that dyin' was the kindest thing I could do. But my Lord had other plans." He bowed his head towards the tabard, the gold stitching of the watching eye glittering in the firelight. "And so I studied and squired under Kendrik, and came time I took the oath-name Filth. Filth for what I was, Filth for what I had done, and Filth for what I was sworn to root out. And so I go about, from now until I die - whether by this worm in me eye or the blade or fallin' in a gashin' hole, me - honorin' Helm for seein' more in me than I deserved, and helpin' those what haven't yet had a second chance to get one." He glanced around the campsite, taking in the various tents and spots set aside for their little group of misfits. "And speakin' of second chances, we won't get a second chance at risin' early. I'm for bed, me." Leaving a pensive crowd, he went and knelt in front of his surcoat. It never got easier to tell that story. He hoped they understood the second chance they were all being given. He certainly did.

[jamietarttownsmyheart]

idk if anyone’s said this yet but “midnight rain” by taylor swift is lowkey a colinjamie song. “he was sunshine” (colin) “i was midnight rain” (jamie)

YES YES YESSSSS OMG YES YOU GET IT

first, i wanna apologize, i took way longer answering this than i expected, real life caught up with me, but!! midnight rain and colinjamie!! you are SO correct anon.

(unrelated, you're on your own kid is a jamie song)

but back to midnight rain, i mean, im really interested in your thoughts anon! how are you interpreting it?

one way of looking at it i think could be a canon compliant au of sorts.

I was making my own name Chasing that fame He stayed the same All of me changed like midnight

like just this part? football is an escape for jamie, its a career for jamie, but its the same for colin!

but we can go deeper for both. jamie and football is complicated. for one, he loves it, he's amazing at it, he dominates, when he plays, he's jamie fucking tartt. but what is it really? he didn't grow up privileged, he didn't grow up in a stable environment. he grew up with a mom who wanted him to be happy and a father who did everything he could to make sure jamie wasn't. and its complicated because jamie playing football was what made him happy, and he wanted his mom to be proud of him. and then his dad comes back in the picture, and he wants jamie to play and jamie wants him to be proud but its a different want--its a want that one)every child has for their parent to be proud and 2)the hope that if james tartt sr is proud maybe he'll lay off.

football is something similar to colin. he loves it, but it also has brought him grief--after the team in Cardiff got relegated, he did face backlash from his family--like his grandmother for example. it also has the potential to bring more grief, as sports (and football) do tend to have a homophobic fanbase irl, and its been implied that colin is into men, and while a sexuality isnt confirmed, the implication that he is at least attracted to men is there (unless the grindr comment was incorporated as a joke, which, im hoping the writers didnt do it just for that) leading room for more pain.

there is also the third point--Jamie has the makings of being great, while Nate tells Colin that he does not. (chasing that fame/he stayed the same)

I think an au where fwb colinjamie happens pre-ted lasso's arrival is interesting, as one, it would be a secret, as both colinjamie have reasons for it to be, and two, you said midnight rain and now im thinking of the conversation of wanting to become official (albeit still secret) sort of contributing to the (he was sunshine/i was midnight rain) where they end things instead.

timeline-wise, it could be like:

jamie comes to richmond--jamiecolin fwb but end it after a month--jamie+keeley meet--rupert/rebecca divorce--ted lasso arrival.

except see, i dont want to go that route bc i dont want it to come off as keeley being the rebound. she is not. its so clear that keeley means something to jamie, and that she did when they were dating too, although jamie himself admits that while the feelinsg were real and there, he probably was not at the best mindset to act on/say the words/take accountability. that actually is true for jamie's season 1 arc--he has many moments in season 1 where you see the potential, to change, the want to change, and the way he actually does make attempts to be better. you see the softness his father tried to get rid of come out--but those moments are quickly overshadowed by jamie doubling down on "dominating" immediately after (or being sent back to man city right when he was trying and making progress and trusting--believing) because his father is very much still a heavily involved force in his life, and no one cares or knows.

so instead like. maybe theyre not fwb yet. maybe its an almost, but neither are ready to take things forward, so they stay friends-ish. maybe canon events happen as they do, but during s2, is when things get tricky.

timeline wise:

jamie comes back and is gradually accepted------jamiecolin fwb---james tartt sr----no weddings and a funeral--jamiecolin lets make it official convo but jamie asks for some time bc he wants to sift through his emotions, talk with his therapist, and give a proper response (he told keeley he loves her, and he did, he does, but that doesnt mean he's pursuing her, or wants to pursue her, he just wants her to know she meant something real, and now he wants to be able to give colin a real answer too, because he wants colin to be something real, colin is something real, he needs to know how to say it)---he loves colin omg he loves colin---tells colin----Richmond is promoted.

so all that^ but with jamie's internal monologue during his talks with his therapist its basically "he's sunshine and i'm midnight rain"

[katsushika-division]

ARB Birthday Special: Rintaro Himura

 ~~ July 16th ~~

“The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”

Login Lines:

“Eh? What the hell are you here for? My…birthday? …Fuck it is today, isn't it?”

“To be honest, I don't care much about celebrating my birthday, but I guess thanks for reminding me.”

Voice Lines: 

“I can't believe I forgot my birthday. *sighs* Whoop de fucking do. It's just another day. I don't see what the big deal is.”

“Let's see what people sent me today for my birthday. Death threats from people whose loved ones were my victims? Check. Fucked up love letters from rabid fangirls saying they want my children? Check. Honestly, I prefer the death threats over the love letters.”

“God, when was the last time I had a decent birthday anyway? I can't remember. I'm pretty sure it was at least before my bitch of an egg donor ran out.”

“No wait. The first birthday I had after Akari was born that…was pretty special. Akari was a couple of months old by then, and she was already trying to say more than that "goo goo gaga" shit. I guess she was just waiting for the right moment because on my birthday she said her first word. Rin-nii. I remember feeling so proud back then.”

“Eh? What the hell do you want, Old Man? Damn getting soft, aren't we? Well, aren't I fucking special? *smirks* Made it my mission to personally annoy you till the day you die, Old Man. Alright, alright, thanks for getting me something then.” 

“Damn Old Man, this is actually pretty useful. God knows how many times I've crushed them. Eh? You’ve been smoking these motherfuckers for how long? So you can't tell me shit about smoking. Alright, you got yourself a deal, Old Man. A mistake I'm sure multiple fuckers regret. *pauses* Also…Akihisa…thanks for everything.” 

“Goddamn it, Touya, it's just my birthday. You don't have to make a big deal out of it. Fuck…alright Touya, we can celebrate it. Just stop staring at me like that, you little shit. Do I even wanna know what you got me, Touya? *sighs* Alright, let me see it then. I swear if it's a knife from your collection.” 

“Oh shit, this is actually really nice. At least it's something that actually suits my style. *sees pricetag* Uhh…Touya? How the hell did you afford this? *blinks* Oh gross! I did not need to know that you fucking sex fiend.” 

“There you are, Akari. I haven't seen you at all today. Don’t tell me you’re trying to avoid your big brother. *pauses* Akari just…just having you back is the best gift I've ever received. Well, I'm kinda curious now. What did you get me?”

“This is a cool figure you got me Akari. *jumps* Oh fuck it just moved and…it's flying around now. *whistles* Holy shit you built this Akari? Wow…I'm stunned. I've never seen anything like it. Ouch! Motherfuck just shot fire at me?!? Huh? Well, that'll come in handy. Shit, I was never good with names but…how about Astaroth? He does, doesn't he? Well then let's get along Astaroth.”

Akihisa Lines:

“Rintaro, I'm glad I caught you. I wanted to give you something considering it's your birthday. *snorts* Hardly, but I suppose I'll make an exception just for you today. Have I ever told you how much of a little shit you are? You know you could be grateful that I even got you something, Brat.” 

“I know how much you hate it when your cigarettes get crushed so I got you this case for them. Perhaps one day you’ll reach a point where you give up smoking those cancer sticks. I’ve been smoking longer than you've been alive, but I’ll make you a deal. You cut back on smoking, and I’ll do the same. Don’t want you dying too early. *sighs fondly* Seems like it was yesterday you were forced into my prison cell. *ruffles hair* Don't mention it, Rintaro.”

Touya Lines:

“Rin-chan~! Happy Birthday! Nuh-uh, birthdays are really special. That's what all those movies say. It's also your first birthday since we got out of prison. So we have to celebrate it! *pulls out puppy eyes* Yeah! I have so many things for us to do today. It's gonna be so much fun! Ah! I got you a present too! *giggles* Here!” 

“I saw the jacket in the window of a store one day and thought it would be perfect for you. Hm? Oh, I just told the store owner I would [CENSORED] and [CENSORED] if he gave me a discount on the jacket. What? You asked!”

Bonus! Akari Lines:

“Rin-nii Happy Birthday. *nods* Ah, yes, that. It's your birthday and the first one we've been able to celebrate together in a long time. So I wanted to make sure your gift was perfect. You deserve something besides that Rin-nii. So here. I hope you like it.”

“Not quite Rin-nii. Watch this. Activate. *giggles* It's your very own dragonbot. It's just something I've been working on for a while. I was just waiting for the right moment to give it to you, and what's more perfect than today? Of course! Just in case you don't have your lighter in you. Oh, also, he doesn't like being called it. He's got feelings too, ya know? Now you just gotta name him! *smiles* He likes it! Promise you'll take good care of him, Rin-nii.”

[devils-little-sista]

Having one of those “I want my mom/dad” moments except I don’t want my actual mom or dad because they’re not capable of all of this I want a normal mom or dad figure to come along and let my cry on their shoulder and tell me that they’re proud of me for getting this far and that they’re looking out for me and that they know I’m trying my best and give me motivation to keep trying and tell me they know I can do this and that they’re rooting for me and that they want to see me succeed and they’re always there for me. Because I haven’t had that in a really long time since I was very small child. And it makes me feel like I did something wrong a lot of things wrong to make the people that used to say those things to me all of a sudden just stop. Stopped saying anything good about me and stopped carring about me in general. And stopped teaching me to do things. And stopped spending any time with me. And I don’t even know what I did wrong. I don’t know why they stopped. And I know they have their own things going on I know they’re busy. I know they’re too busy to have anything to do with me cause I’m too much work. And I feel guilty for that all the time. And it sucks that I have to be my own parent and tell myself all those things because I really don’t believe myself at all I feel like I’m lying to myself and setting myself up with false hope and will experience failure over and over again once again. Like I know I’m trying to gaslight myself into thinking that things are ok now and that they will be ok in the future when I know for a fact that it’s not ok right now and nothing will ever be ok in the future and I know I’m lying to myself so what’s the point of even trying. I hate myself and I hate the world I live in and I hate people in general as a whole.

[primewritessmut]

47, 49, 81, 99

Also I'm soooooo curious about the 1930s Albany research 👀👀👀

47. what story are you most proud of?

Oh, damn. You just came straight out and asked me to choose my favorite child. 😂

I’m honestly proud of (almost) everything I’ve written but all for different reasons. Each one of them walks around with a special little trophy. First finished fic. First multi-chapter. First first person pov. First “dark” work. Etc. But the one I’m MOST proud of right now is the story I wrote for Spooktober; it’s the first original story I’ve actually buckled down and finished from beginning to end.

So now that I’ve proven I can do it, watch out world, I guess.

49. do you want to be published some day?

Yes? No? I have complicated feelings about being published, mostly because I don’t want this thing I really enjoy, that brings some small measure of peace in (gestures broadly) all this, to become something I have to do.

But, I also like to sleep with a roof over my head and eat so wouldn’t it be nice if this thing I spend so much time on could help with that?

I’ve “““monetized””” an enjoyable skill of mine before and still haven’t recovered. Funny to say here, maybe, but the social media requirements alone to be successful in a field like writing/publishing makes me want to disappear into a cave and never be seen from again.

I could go on so, yeah. Complicated.

81. if you could go back in time and give your younger self a piece of writing advice specific to you, what would it be?

Keep fucking writing, you industrial grade moron.

There was a looooong span of my life where I didn’t write anything at all. (Except those half-stories I’d tell myself to get my brain to chill enough to fall asleep.) When I look at the difference between things I wrote last year (when I got back into writing after way too long) versus stuff I wrote this year, the difference in quality is already so huge.

I just… I wish it was a skill I had kept up with instead of letting stupid adulthood raze everything to the ground.

99. was being a writer a dream of yours when you were little? or did it spring up when your older? or is it just a hobby?

It was never a dream of mine but, in a truly bizarro world twist, it was something both of my parents wanted me to pursue. Like, who does that? “No, Prime. Don’t go into astronomy or business admin, be a writer.”

Writing doesn’t really feel like a dream even now. It feels like coming home in a weird sense. Like breathing through a straw and then, finally, getting to fill your lungs all the way. So… I guess I wouldn’t call it a hobby so much as an imperative. That doesn’t mean anyone but seventeen people on Tumblr and 300 people on AO3 will ever get to read it, though.

In that sense, I suppose it’s a hobby?

Also I'm soooooo curious about the 1930s Albany research 👀👀👀

There’s this fic that takes place in the 1930s (shout-out to the Malevolent podcast) predicated on the fact that a Very Bad Thing™️ happened in Albany in the main character’s past. And he’s on this journey to find the thing he lost during the Very Bad Thing which takes him around various New York cities that eventually leads him back to Albany.

I’ve looked up census data, historical photos, distance between towns, the type of car someone might be driving and how fast it could travel, local churches (photos and floor plans), and then drew myself a dumb little map so I could trace his journey as I wrote it.

I don’t know if it’s made the story any better, but it’s definitely made me feel more comfortable when writing the scenery. 😂