#actually cause of my mental stability (it’s bad btw)

[dryadalisliv]

“There is no place for magic in Camelot”

SHUT YOUR MOUTH MERLIN! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! WHY WOULD U SAY THAT!! I-I WHY?!

[amethysttribble]

Next time I’m dealing with an upset kid, I’m going to remember my aunt saying to me, “That fight was the beginning of the end for you and [cousin who a whole airport staff couldn’t unload all my baggage with]” when I was jokingly recounting a spat we had when we were twelve and I called her a ‘motherucking bitch’

Because that flabbergasted me so much I legitimately laughed and I’m still thinking about it.

‘Cause no. Oh my god no. That was the end of the end. That was when I finally said, “I can’t do this anymore.” That was it.

But my aunt couldn’t see that because to her we were just two twelve year olds calling each other names, /oh those two, so ‘close’ (in truth, we were just two girls who were the same age, our moms said we had to be close) but always bickering/ not the continued saga of pain and harassment that had been our shared childhood, twelve years worth, and the moment I was finally old enough to realize, “I should stop trying to be friends and instead never talk to her again.”

‘The beginning of the end’. As if those years when we were younger didn’t count and weren’t informative. They were. As if we didn’t have interiority and a complicated, broken relationship before that. We did. As if it was all petty before we were teenagers. It wasn’t.

It had ended a long time ago.

[incorrectzbone]

Don't worry, stalk me as much as you want (that's what I usually do anyways) 😗 I'm so far from being hot or sexy (I'm the complete opposite) so I don't know how much of that is actually accurate. I've had latin on my last year of high school (I can't remember if greek was an option for the next two grades but I do know that they went to Italy in the previous years, I'm guessing they didn't keep it though. I couldn't have gone anyways 🥲), I was 15-16 at the time, now I'm 21, It's been a while and I don't really remember a thing (I usually say the same thing about french but I still know a few things, so I guess latin was harder). But guess what! Italian has been on my "languages I'd want to learn" for YEARS. I don't know Bonnie, this looks like some destiny shit over here 👀

I'm kinda wanting to write something with Ricky Vincenzo now. That will most likely never happen because I suck at writing 🥰 AND YES OMG RICKY AMBASSADOR! *insert fashion brands that I don't really know because I actually am "young and poor, short and ugly, moon boss baby Luna"* He would always look so good, he was born for this 🤩

(Now that I've said Luna, how do you say moon in italian?? 👀)

Ummmm hello? You're pisces as well?? That's it, I'm asking Ricky for the rings. What flowers do you want? He'll do everything you want for the wedding. btw are you sure about the dms?? not only asking because i'm really bad at making up conversations and keeping them, but also because you said that thing about this being your side blog and i assumed you didn't really wanna make your main known if that makes sense??

P.s. I'm talking about Vincenzo as if I had already watched all the episodes, but I think I left it half way through?? I have to go back and go insane over Vincenzo himself again 😳

😭 I had to take latin classes at that age as well and am now 22 so I totally get you: I simply can’t remember anything. It’s hard. Way too hard 😭 OMG LET’S TEACH EACH OTHER SPANISH AND ITALIAN (I say, as if I have the time to actually learn something outside of college stuff 😍 </3).

I still haven’t read anything from you, but I will, so please write Ricky with the Vincenzo concept for my mental stability 💖🖇️💖🖇️💖🖇️ OMG YES LET THE MAN SHOW HIS FASHION KNOWLEDGE!!!

(it’s actually “LUNA” in italian !! i guess italian and spanish are similar omg)

I LIKE EVERY KIND OF FLOWER 🌺 SO YEAH SINCE HE’S RICH LET HIM GET AS MANY FLOWERS AS IT’S POSSIBLE 😉🤍

I have to rewatch Vincenzo as well, it’s been too long and I can’t really remember it that well (also, the actors >>>>)

i’m totally fine with the dms !! my main is a new account i’ve made (actually, it’s a main with a different email from another main that i use on my pc and that has nothing to do with zb1 😭 i lost my old kpop one cause i rarely used tumblr for it !!) and i don’t really care about it being known tbh, i just wanted to keep it separate from this account lol (i also am not a great conversation keeper — taylor swift gets me — so please don’t worry about it! i know how it feels 💖💌) i actually followed you with my main but was too shy to tell you it was me 😭 that being said, if you’re comfortable here is my new main: @taeraeszone , but please feel free to also not text me if you don’t feel like it! i’m okay with communicating like this as well <3 whatever you want, i’m here for it !!

[innocent-bysitter]

Life is Overwhelming

it feels like I dont know how to stop complaining. I complain about how much I complain. I annoy myself. But this isn't about that. This is about the things I've been complaining about.

How is it that every single time I start getting over some sort of symptom, another one punches me in the face? Maybe I've had this symptom for a while, or maybe it's new, but somehow it's become the focus for the next couple of days. For example; earlier this month I switched medications for mood stabilization, I started by going off my previous one, which, by the way, was working hella good, the only reason I went off it was to stop gaining weight. So I go off it, slowly. I get down to 1 mg (I was on 3 mg) My shitty Intrusive thoughts about shitty bad things start coming back, and soon enough I'm having a breakdown in the living room with my parents like I'm 17 again. I felt like I had moved past that, like I had matured and gotten better. Hmmm, maybe the meds had been working. So I'm off of them and I have a psychiatrist session that day to get a new medication. Like a fucking loser, I get sidetracked sewing (the one time I've actually had the motivation to do this in months btw) and I miss the appointment, it's a good 4 hours before I realize what I've done, but hey! at least I have a cute shirt now! There goes $100 on the missed appointment fee. Cha-Ching! I managed to reschedule the appointment for 4 days later, not realizing I only gave myself 30 minutes to get home from work. Then, on the day of work, I bike in, not thinking that it takes me 47 minutes to get home from work. oops. So lo and behold it's the end of my shift, I get a calendar notification about my appointment, and I realize I haven't even charged my battery, so not only will I be late for my appointment biking home, but my bike will most definitely die on the way. So I ask my managers, somewhat frantically, and manage to secure someone's office for my 15-minute appointment. I get on the call and tell her the issues I've had while being off the meds, which, by the way, are pretty dire. She nods her head and lets me know "Well if you are struggling with any suicidal ideation you should go ahead and call 988" which generally is good advice, but I was kind of hoping for more sympathy or advice or something. That's psychiatrists for you! We've settled on a medication, she calls it in, and I pick it up the next day.

Next Issue: well, I bike home, and there goes my knee.

Lore-Time: For those who know me, you'll know I've had 3 knee surgeries, the first one in 2016 when I was a wee 13 years old. I tore my ACL slipping on wet tile of all things. The second and third in 2018, supposedly playing soccer but I have a feeling it had torn before that. The second one was to clean up the damage from the first one, and then the third to repair the ACL. Since then I've had major knee pain with exercise, shifts in the weather, bending it wrong, standing too long, ect.

I go to the doctor, the same office I went to when I was 13, a different doctor, I wanted someone who wasn't going to call me "Kiddo". He tells me its the cartilage under my kneecap, and he prescribes physical therapy. As I am a creature of habit, I called my physical therapist from the last time I was in physical therapy and I booked an appointment. At my first appointment, she looked at my knee and told me "Your kneecap is in the wrong place, that's what's causing the pain" Great! please fix it! I now have 7 exercises for home and an appointment with her every week. I get told to lay off the biking for a bit. A couple days pass, and I do my exercises. On top of my knee, I'm still struggling mentally.

Next Issue: There's this guy at work, he is flirty, I'm sorta flirty (I feel like I come across as flirty, but I was literally just trying to be his friend), he is sweet, and asks me to the renfaire. I make it clear that I am in general looking for a serious relationship, I've had too many things (problems) with other types of bonds (I catch feelings). He indicates that he understands and continues flirting. Later he tells me that he isn't looking for anything serious, but he likes me and wants to pursue "other things". Me being an impulsive loser who has no respect for myself, I agree. A couple days later, I was approached by another work friend, asking about my love life, I said yeah you are going to have to be more specific, I'm a player (I'm not). We get to talking and they start telling me all these things about our coworker that are kinda shocking and make him seem super sketchy, now I trust this coworker telling me these things because he looks like Ed Sheeran (He is a redhead). But they tell me these things about him trying to look out for me. And so now I'm attempting to ghost him in a polite way. It's stressing me out every time he texts me.

Next Issue: For most of my teenage years to now I've struggled with severe sleep issues. I take two to four hours to fall asleep every night and at least an hour to wake up and get out of bed every morning. I fall asleep in the car, on the train, at work, sitting on the couch, and pretty much everywhere else. I don't hear alarms almost ever, my parents wake me up every morning, and I usually fall back asleep a couple times before I actually listen to them and get up. Not only is this making me late to morning shifts at work, miss appointments, and miss meals, but it's also causing a huge strain on my relationship with my parents, who never thought they'd have to be waking their 20-year-old up with much resistance every morning.

Lore-Time: My parents are awesome, and I appreciate all of what they do, for me, my family, and themselves. They have been with me through all of my mental and physical health troubles and still managed to have time to work full time, raise my annoying but exceedingly cool brother, drive me everywhere because I do not drive, and have a bit of fun here and there.

So finally, after years of struggling with sleep issues, we decided to go to a sleep doctor. He referred me to do a sleep study and my results are perfectly aligned with Narcolepsy type II. YAY!!! part of me is happy to have an answer, the other part of me dreads the word chronic, or when doctors add more medication to my already large pill sorter. And of course, this is one of those things where the primary treatment is medication. But lately, those symptoms feel worse, and the constant need for sleep adds to my depression, where I used to look forward to work, my body chooses sleep to avoid the commute, and the fear of sleeping in and missing work keeps me up. Because maybe I won't miss it if I don't fall asleep. I guess the one thing I don't mind is that I dream almost instantly after I fall asleep, so when I wake up in the mornings and I like a dream, I can fall back asleep and sometimes that dream will continue. The bad part of that is sometimes my brain will ignore whoever is telling me to get up, by prioritizing going back to the good dream.

Next Issue: Not really an issue per se, but I miss my best friend. She is in grad school to become my therapist and she's never not busy and I miss her so much omg. also, she lives an hour and a half away and has no money for gas because she spends all her money on Taylor Swift stuff. I can't even blame her.

I'm sure I have plenty more issues I could share, but that's all for this time. If you read this all the way through: thanks for reading my complaints!

[2-cute-4-school]

𝚗𝚌𝚝 𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚊 𝚌𝚞𝚍𝚍𝚕𝚢, 𝚎𝚡𝚑𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚜/𝚘

a/n: hiiiii so i decided to make this a 2in1 reaction; basically i just put together 2 of my requests that were *in my opinion* closely related. hope y’all don’t mind and enjoy!! ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅

requested by annonies: ‘Hey.. could you please do nct dream reaction to s/o having high fever and just wants cuddls? 🥺 like how would they take care of them.. make it fluffy please.’ & ‘nct dream reaction to their s/o being EXTREMELY tired and then like ummmmm cuddling and stuff maybe?? *uwuing in the distance*’

Mark Lee

okay but just imagine this (๑◕︵◕๑)

cuddle sessions when you’re both stretched thin and overworked

even though we all know he isn’t big on skinship i think he would throw all reticence out the window when it’s crystal clear that you both NEED each other ꒰๑˃͈꒳˂͈๑꒱ﾉ*ﾞ̥

so you just crawl under the bankets into his arms and you both just lay together in silence just enjoying each other’s presence

bonus points if he runs his hand through your hair and you trace shapes with the pads of your fingers on his skin (´,,•ω•,,)♡

it would probaby take a couple of lazy kisses and if you’re really really soft he might just hum some song lowly in your ear

just a lil heads up:

you ain’t getting out of his arms ‘til next morning so better hope you peed beforehand and have a bottle of water in reach (ಠ‿↼)

the only thing that would make him get up without a second thought?

if you’re feverish because of your exhaustion

his worry wouldn’t allow him to settle down until he’s 110% sure he made everything in his power to keep you comfortable 

“cold towels, water, painkillers just in case, is there anything i’m forgetting? babe, should i make you some tea-”

“mark, you know what would make me feel SO much better?”

“huh?” ｢(ﾟ<ﾟ)ﾞ??

“CUDDLES, BABE, CUDDLES!!” (╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

you don’t have to say that twice, your man is tucking you into his side in an instant flash ain’t got nothing on mark, he’s a man on a mission

he’ll try to stay awake long enough to make sure you’ve fallen asleep properly since he knows your fever won’t go away without proper rest

might hover over you the next morning too!! ( ≧Д≦)

Huang Renjun

this boy would FRET like CONSTANTLY

especially if you develop a fever 

he keeps piling up a lot of stuff in your room, anything he deems would be potentially helpful at some point is surrounding your bed

“jun, why tf is a cactus on my nightstand?” Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑)

“what if haechan walks through the door?”

“... understandable” ¯\_( ◉ 3 ◉ )_/¯

your room looks like a deposit at this point and you’ve tried to drag him to bed more times than you can count

but he’s restless ༼ ಥ ‿ ಥ ༽

until your frustration topples over and you’re on the verge of tears as you ask him for ✨cuddles ✨

he might actually feel bad for not joining you earlier so he’s gonna be EXTRA soft with you enjoy it while you can

he’s gonna pepper kisses all over you as he encases you in his lil arms and nuzzles his face into the crown of your head (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )

he’s ready to offer free massages or head scratches!!!! LIMITED OFFER DON’T MISS OUT!!!

also he’s ready for literally anything

fever? medicine and wet towels nearby. thirst? 4 bottles of water AND gatorade. hunger? your favourite take out is waiting. any intruders? cactus is right by his hand. cuddles? CUDDLES!!!!! (۶* ‘ꆚ’)۶”

i think he’ll probably stay up even after you fell asleep, reading about how exhaustion affects one’s body and how to help i just think he’s a really wholesome person despite his all ‘don’t talk to him he angy’ character

but he’s still SO attentive to you!!

he’s down to anything that would make you feel better and if that means 20 hours of non stop cuddling so be it (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

Lee Jeno

i think he’d be REALLY clingy with you even in normal circumstances kind of like how he’s with mark ya know

so your affected well-being will just give him an extra reason to evolve to his ULTIMATE LEVEL OF PHYSICAL AFFECTION◝( ′ㅂ`)و ̑̑

he won’t let you lift A FINGER

my man is cuddling you even while standing up (灬 ♡ ω ♡ 灬)

he’s also going to insist on carrying you anywhere even if it’s just from the bed to the bathroom this boi is strong you have no excuse to shy away from him he won’t let you

you have no chance at escaping him btw his arms are made of iron when it comes to cuddles good luck prying them off you

and even though he’s clearly focusing on your requested cuddles, he’ll ask you from time to time if you need anything, how you’re feeling, if you’re comfortable

lowkey uses the excuse of checking your temperature to give you endless forehead kithes cuz he can (*＾∀ﾟ)ъ

he also becomes kind of hyperaware of every little move you make

you shiver? he’s cocooning you in yet another blanket. you’re becoming restless? he adjusts your cuddling position until you’re fully comfortable.

NOTHING gets past him ┌༼ σ ‸ σ ༽┐

idk why but i have a hunch that jeno sleeps like a rock

so if he happens to fall asleep too and you need to get up? pfft yeah sure better call for a crane to lift you up from the bed  ૮( ᵒ̌ૢꇴᵒ̌ૢ )ა｡

he’s also going to be EXTREMELY cranky if anyone dares interrupt your extended cuddle session this is strictly ‘only y/n and jeno time’

he might also entertain you with a few pictures of his cats if you’re feeling soft or ugly pictures of his members if you need a good laugh

would totally recommend leaving yourself in jeno’s care!! ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡

Lee Haechan

he would LIVE for your cuddle sessions (●♡∀♡))

despite that, he WOULDN’T STAND you being uncomfortable for a single second if he can do something against that

i think he’s the type of person who wouldn’t leave even the smallest of papercuts untreated when it comes to his partner so exhaustion? fever? yeah no. frickin. way. ┐(;Ծ⌓Ծ;)┌

and after he’s absolutely sure he has everything you might need nearby and put a cold cloth on your forehead and made sure you were hydrated and well fed

he finally climbs into bed with you and just SMOTHERS the shite outta you i’m not even kidding ꒰๑*´ᗜ`*꒱*›◡‹꒱꒱

he’s full on *leech mode*, kisses and nuzzles and gentle caresses

and best part of the package? this man is a walking spotify premium!!

you get to choose whatever song you want and switch with no ads and he has no complaints since his payment is already made in cuddles

you thought this was the end of it?? SIKE

also an entertainment king!!  ୧༼✿ ͡◕ д ◕͡ ༽୨

we all know he probably has shit on all of the members and he’s not shy to do some harmless story telling to put you in a good mood

so just imagine and try coming up with anything better

sleepy you engulfed in the sunshine himself’s arms, tightly cradled against him with his soothing honey voice murmuring and humming to you and only you ˭̡̞(◞⁎˃ᆺ˂)◞*✰

his protective side might surface too btw

no one is allowed near you and if someone somehow managed to bother you? oh hell naw  🙃

now they’re on hyuck’s black list good luck mate

his babie gets the royalty treatment in those times guaranteed

Na Jaemin

he’s a doting boyfriend either way i think we can all agree on that

but you clinging to him and asking for cuddles? you not feeling well?

yeah not on his watch mother hen in action part the sea (ﾉ･ｪ･)ﾉ

i don’t think he’d panic tho, his only struggle would be postponing the cuddles you’re asking for while he prepares something to eat and a tea and fluffs up the pillows and blankets he’s gathered (oꆤ︵ꆤo)

but once he’s done?

yeah you’re bundled in a mountain of softness and most importantly? our cuddle bug jaemin (♡ >ω< ♡)

he’ll keep you propped up against his chest while he feeds you himself, proper care is something unskippable in his agenda

but after that any cuddling position is FREE REAL ESTATE!!

anything his baby wants, his baby gets ෆ╹ .̮ ╹ෆ

but for the sake of his mental stability he’d prefer to be in a position from where he can see you

boi is too worried to let you out of his sight so he’s aiming to be the big spoon or facing you directly 三 ( ◜◡‾)っ)⁰▿⁰)

he’ll help you fall asleep in any way he can

he’ll caress your back, your arms, he’ll softly massage your neck and shoulders, he has a playlist ready for sleepy moods

he is PREPARED ٩(๑•̀ㅂ•́)و

he checks your temperature every so often and he grumbles with a pout if it doesn’t seem to be going down

but if it comes down to it he won’t hesitate to ask someone to bring some medicine and if your exhaustion and/or fever doesn’t relent he’ll insist on getting checked by a doctor

it would break his heart to see you so weak and no ammount of cuddles could repair it until he sees you up and healthy again (◕⌓◕;)

but he’ll do all the pampering in the world so don’t worry

Zhong Chenle

i think he would hesitate at first but only because he’s kinda scared he’ll only make it worse and he WOULDN’T want that ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

eventually i guess he’d step out to call his mum for help before he pulls some bull like ‘let’s do some math it’s gonna be fun’ and you lose your shit like no thanks fam i wanna live (┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻

he’ll listen RELIGIOUSLY to his mum’s advice 

makes you some chamomile exactly how you like it, probably pulls together something small to eat but won’t force you

what he will force you to take is some medicine you ain’t dying on his watch (๑･`▱´･๑)

and most importantly... DAEGAL CUDDLES!!!! imagine getting to cuddle every nctzen’s bias

he might get *a little* jelly tho if you pay too much attention to her tho

so he makes up some dumb excuse about dog hair aggravating your fever or some dubious other reason why you have to let go of his puppy and cuddle HIM!! ೕ(•̀ᴗ•́)

he’ll do that cute thing where he leans his forehead against yours to check your temperature he has to be extra until the end

and before you go to sleep he’ll  try to prod at you to tell him what caused you to be so exhausted that you developed a fever might nag at you too about how unheathy it is to let it get to that point

he just wants to help okay? baby is worried in his own way ( •́ ∧ •̀ )

if there’s ANYTHING he can do to help consider it done by the time you wake up he’ll ALWAYS go an extra mile for you

and chenle wants to make sure you are aware of that and can lean on him so it never gets to this point again

but for the time being... it’s cuddles and relaxation time!! ✧(๑✪д✪)۶

better believe he’s already preparing a spa day for both of you to enjoy like the  ✨spicy ✨ bitches you are

Park Jisung

his heartbeat accelerates

and unfortunately it’s not because he’s flustered shame (#ﾟﾛﾟ#)

his only thought when he sees you with bag under your eyes and a cold wet cloth on your forehead is ‘shit, they’re dying wait no censor the first part i can’t get my mouth washed with soap but... poop, they’re dying’

ONE step away from calling for an ambulance or morgue in his mind

he SWEARS he’ll let you teach him how to ride a bycicle as long as you get out of this safe and sound (╬⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾)

he’s a bit of a mess, but he’s your cute mess

it would take *quite* a bit of reassurance that you’re going to be fine after a good night’s sleep and some jisung time for him to somewhat relax

his cheeks will flush once he curls himself around your form no matter how many times you’ve cuddled before

but once you sigh blissfully once he wraps his arms around you, it’s game over for him ε=(｡♡ˇд ˇ♡｡）

he MELTS against you

he’ll caress your head and gently scratch your scalp, lays kisses on your cheeks/forehead/crown of your head

but he will also fret every time you toss and turn or you make any sound that seems ‘distressed’ to him

we all know he can sleep anywhere under a frickin carpet so he won’t have any problems adjusting to whatever works for you since all that matters to him atm is that you’re comfortable (♡ >ω< ♡)

he just wants you to get better faster

he’ll talk to you in a hushed voice, encouraging and praising you and assuring you that once you’re all better he’ll help you with whatever you need and EVERYTHING will be well in the end ٩(ó｡ò۶ ♡)

he’s a senstitive person so he just wants to be there for you in any shape and form he can be

[julianottheastrologer]

Hello Madam 💜 what does it mean to have saturn in 7th house and in rx? Saturn also squares my venus ... lol

Thanks a lot!

btw love the whole aesthetic of you blog

Hello dear anon, how are you?

Retrograde Saturn

For retrograde planets I have two thinks to say.

First that a retrograde planet is not a evil planet, a planet will not get to the dark side every time in a while because it needs to be bad, Gods don’t need that, they are not good or bad, they do what they believe. So what a retrograde mean? That for a while they will review what they have done, if they can fix something they will.. if they want some revenge, they will... and so life’s go on.

For being born in a Saturn rx in specific I can say that:

“Throughout your life, others could resent you for being somewhat childish. You might have a problem respecting authority, recognizing people’s boundaries, or fulfilling your duties. Mental growth and emotional maturity could evade your grasp. Your family might treat you condescendingly. Overall, you could struggle with stability.” - [ that is a teacher of mine said and I would change nothing].

So, let's take a details to comment and than see it's a villain. People think often about you been a childish person, so they don't take you seriously, while also they do not put any on their responsibility on your back. So everything has a good point, if you pick a feature of a planet or sign, you will see that the bad ones and the goods one come from the same energy, energy always expand for both sides.

Saturn square Venus

I have already say it one time, but in a witch view, and I will repeat because I have more pride in being a witch than a astrologer 😆

A square means that the planets are working in a different field, so them will not help it other in nothing since isn't their gift to you. Saturn is working in your relationship matters, if you have a problem is him who you will look for and seeing what's going on ( I'm answering the question in a pretty general way, of course), so you will see how he is working right in that moment and figure out what you will need to do. You will ask for help to Venus, no, she is working in another field, that one is for Saturn, go talk with him.

Saturn in 7th house

The one ruled by Saturn in House 7 is a person who is seen as distant and even cold in his relationships. Much more connected to the rational and the intellectual, you does not care about things that you considers extremely immature and romantic, having a much more direct, centered and serious posture in most cases. In addition, you is always much more demanding and quarrelsome with those around you, causing a lot of friction when you gives your opinions or when you wants to give life to others. Very critical does not miss the opportunity to say what you thinks or to meddle in the matters you thinks you knows how to express your opinion.

Futhermore, you want be around people who thing as capable , so one's that are good in their field and responsible, for that reason you can ask for more than others can give to up, and get mad. Also wants to be useful and demands a lot from yourself.

What no ones says is that Saturn is a planet of big desire, the place that you want actually be the best and work for that, for that reason we always get so stressed, because we can't stop working in that area.

With love,

Madam Saturn 💋

[foxymoxynoona]

Hiii hello. Sorry I didn’t send anything about flux, I wanted to sooo bad but I got covid (this is now my third day of fever☺️), lost a really close relative in the span of like 12 hours and I’m in pain cause I’m about to get my period sooo my concentration is stagnant: level 0🙂. Everything is pretty much hurting like a bitch but don’t worry I read as soon as it came out and OF COURSE I sent it to 🌚 and we started arguing again. (Btw she knows everything because even tho she’s still at the beginning I was tired of not having anyone to vent to so I literally told her every single detail that made me go crazy lol).

Let’s start off by saying I’m like 50% satisfied? Wtf jk? Nothing more to say? Sure? Never took a pill in Ibiza? Alright that’s gonna be a fun conversation, just saying☺️. I swear with this guy it’s like one step forward and 10 steps back. Also jungkook got MAD, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this angry towards her before. Should I say justified? Eeh I mean he never expressed how he actually felt regarding the Seojoon thing so for him to explode at some point was to be expected. I mean he got mad like at the beginning when the whole Lasagna Gate happened in her apartment but I don’t know, it hits different now.

Also, dr Kim I have a crush on you and the emotional stability you provide. You’re doing god’s work, truly. Even if you make me feel bad for defending Sasha because the rational side of me knows how there is no right or wrong in *most* situations here and everything is on a spectrum buuuut my irrational side is like fuck everything hug Sasha. A week ago we were talking about this in my group chat and I said “I think I empathize this much with her because we share some toxic traits so I try to find justification in her” and my friends (including 🌚) said “you think we’d let you to all the self sabotaging shit Sasha does? Don’t you dare, ESPECIALLY if you’re hooking up with Jeon Jungkook. You’re our key to become millionaires and you think we’d let that go to waste??” So loving and caring, my friends.

By the way I loove the discord channel, that was a great idea. I just need to figure out the time zones so i can text when everyone is awake😵‍💫

🌸

NOooooooooooo! I am so sorry! You have so many terrible things going on at once! I'm so sorry for your lost most of all; hopefully you'll be over the worst of covid soon. 💟💟💟

I hope the Flux drama a mental and emotional distraction when you needed it! Get wrapped up in their drama but rest in your own life 😢

I don't see why you would nee to feel bad about defending Sasha, though! Do you mean overall or in this specific instance?

It's been interesting reading commetns because I think we're all just so primed to be like "ok who was most right" in any situation we read, but I intentionally write really gnarled ones where there isn't usually some villain with an evil plan lol. I think too we were all so excited for Jungkook to finally speak up about some things we know he's been holding onto that we've forgotten he made that choice to not speak up about them in the first place and that doesn't excuse his behavior, even if it explains it. He can't hide his feelings and then when it's a convenient defense, finally let them erupt! Even if that's very human to do haha. Like if my kid kicks his brother, he can't just tell me "but he kicked me first" and I say oh ok, you're good to go then. Or even "he called me a poop head three days ago," "ah, got it baby, take him down then." 🤣

As much as we may want a partner to read our mind and notice when we are hurt, it's not fair to expect that and we need to communicate those things if we expect change. Now there are things they've argued about before that might still be happening, so I'm not saying this is just a wash in Sasha's direction either! That's why I had suggested in some other asks, it's really probably best to take things one at a time rather than trying to balance out some grand summation --not just because there are things on both sides, but because even though the context and cause behind things may be cumalitive, that doesn't mean the resulting actions were the mature/right ones. The mature relationship skill isn't to hold onto those things until you've hurt your partner and then whip them all out to deflect. I don't know that he was consciously doing that, but it's not that different actually than what everyone was mad at Namjoon doing. "Forget about X, she did Y so she's not allowed to be mad about Z."

Anywayyyy this is fun and tangled and I suspect mrelationship conselors would be salivating over this scenario LOL. But I'm glad you have friends who are looking out for you and your relationship with JK, even if it's so they can piggyback on your wealth 😂

I hope you get to feeling better soon and my best warm vibes go out to your family, I hope that isn't lessened by the goofy fic talk in the iddle of this ask.

[mariaiscrafting]

ahhhh ty ty ty <3

ok, so I think that what makes Dream act this way (iykyk) is how dreamwastaken became so big so quickly. and by quick I mean fucking lightning speed.

he didn't have enough time to learn enough about cc etiquette, especially in these three aspects: influence, boundaries and fanbase/stans/whatever you call it. I'll try to explain it:

• Influence: Does he know the influence he has? Like, when he hears that he is the myct with the largest fanbase, does he really process that? I remember he talked about not being able to control all of his fanbase and there's bad apples everywhere -- which is true, and that only like 1% of his fanbase breaks his boundaries (that include sending hate for him, harassing, doxing, etc. yk, basic twitter culture lol) but, honey, with your big ass fanbase, 1% is still a lot of people. As a content creator you *have* to be aware of that.

let's take the hbomb situation. First off, as a streamer, it's you that set the mood of the stream. Even if he was only messing around with his pals, even if they did say to do not send hate to hbomb, dt dunking on him created a toxic environment, which caused his fans being toxic towards hbomb and you know what happens next. Hell, when this happened, I was watching Tapl and he was watching them and he was crying laughing over them screaming bc they were just. so loud and so aggressive that it was kinda ??? Sirs, this is literally a Minecraft Stream lmaooo

my point is, that was not the road that dreamwastaken, 21M fans, should've taken. he don't condone his fans actions but he knows his fans are diehard and will always be on his side, he should be more careful before stating negative opinions, especially if its towards another person.

• Boundaries and Fanbase: He posted a list of his boundaries a while ago, idk if you know or seen it (btw please george copy your bestie for the love of god <3) but I'm not talking about those boundaries, I'm talking about the basic boundaries between cc and viewer. boundaries that, in my opinion, should exist between cc and viewer. I get that Dream is an open person, an oversharing type of open person if I may add, but I think he should take a step back regardless. When I heard that he was taking a time from twitter, I genuinely got so glad, not because he couldn't start any drama then, but because it would do so so good for his mental health. I'm not even that fond of him, it's just that for me, any cc taking a break or outright leaving twitter is a win for me. I know how RSD is hard to deal and honestly letting shit out it's better but dream you have dt you have bbh so please don't make things worse online 😭 I know how good can be to feel validation from millions of people but. it's not a good idea, especially in the state that his fanbase is on rn (this topic is kinda sensitive to talk abt for me bc people be outright ableist and hide it as criticism like. say that shit's not helping his reputation and whatever without acting like he's fucking. manipulating his fanbase for being affected by his rsd💀 or, on the other hand, don't say that hes just being adhd🤪 when he's just being an asshole like damn that's a Him thing bro lol)

(omg it's so big I'm so sorry and theres a part two I'm so sorry tumblr user messed-up-gal ToT) - morango 1/2

pt. 2:

Dream is the proof that the people who loves you can be your downfall. istg. Have you noticed that every drama that Dream enters, people usually get more mad abt how his fanbase reacts (85% they'll react in a bad way) than Dream himself? it's not always, but its definitely more likely. I'm not saying Dream is saint, he Is petty and his ego does him dirty and made him choke multiple times before,, But! i dont think hes a bad guy. he's literally just a dude. ok, he's a 21yr old white gamer man that has a trumpie past (maybe?? idk. I think hes cured now ig lol) so he's bound to do some shitty things but he still tries to get better and hopefully he'll mature. 21 is old enough but it's still so young, yk? I kind of lost my mind during the end and my eyes are literally begging to be closed so tl;dr: Its gonna be hard for him to become a better cc bc his fans don't let him be criticized (by infantilizing his adhd symptoms or the mob mentality as soon as someone says anything abt him), the honest criticism get lost between lies from antis that don't know shit, he still has a lot of growing up to do and overall he became famous too fast and he needs to learn things even faster bc as soon as there's not a single one dream hater on sight they'll turn their back and attack him instead lmao I hate twitter i definitely have more to say but I'm tired and my memory is shit. just-- hate dream if you want, love dream if you want, nobody is obligated to have an opinion but I wanted to express mine. have a lovely day! -morango 2/2

Aight, there's a lot to unpack here, so Imma try to only go into the points I have something to add to (here's what I talk about in each paragraph, if you want to jump to a specific point):

Speed of Dream's rise to fame

The "bad apples" in the Dream fanbase

Post-MCC HBomb stream

Not condoning versus actually condemning his fans

Manipulation & RSD

Criticism of Dream, his fanbase, and his brand

The “just a dude” argument, flipped

First, I agree that one of the many factors that has resulted in the current image Dream has set up for himself, the way his fanbase functions, the ways people hate on him, and the way the Dream brand functions, is the speed of his rise to fame. It's unique, and there are probably a hundred social/psychological angles that could be used to examine the exact effects of that speed upon all of these facets of the Dream Name; did rapid fame beget the rapid rise of unrighteous hatred, did those waves of hatred then instigate the rise of a surprisingly overdefensive fanbase, did that rapid fame get to his head and/or result in an inability to appropriately handle all the after-effects of rapid fame, etc.? That point you bring up, about how the speed of his rise to fame requires him to learn even more quickly, is so interesting to me. I think that maybe Dream expected to get pretty famous pretty quickly, hence the preparedness in regards to some mechanics of influencer fame- merchandise, business-building, networking, knowing how to manage his fanbase to best benefit him. But I don't think he expected to get this famous this quickly. This is all speculation of course, as are this entire post and your ask, but I think that he just couldn't anticipate having to learn how to handle enmasse controversy, waves of antis, or every Youtuber speculating/knowing about him; and yeah, that results in him having to learn all of these things very quickly, lest he allow his whole brand and fandom to fall apart.

Second, I disagree with the frequent argument that Dream's fanbase is only marginally toxic. Personally, I think that the circumstances of Dream's fame, his personality and management of his fanbase, and his brand of content have resulted in the very specific kind of stan that Dream stans are. I don't think this is simply a case of "all fandoms have a small percentage of assholes who take it too far;" rather, the nature of the community itself breeds the kind of mentality of "an asshole who takes it too far." I only even know this because I was a Dream fan (kinda a stan, I'm ngl). At one time, I watched every single Dreamwastaken & Dream Team video multiple times; I listened to the Manhunts on repeat, as though they were podcasts; I followed mostly smiletwt and dttwt accounts on mcyttwt; I had upwards of 10 tabs for AO3 DNF fics open on my phone at a time; I watched DNF and Dream Team Being A Family-esque compilations on repeat; I watched every George and Sapnap alt stream I possibly could; I went out of my way to defend Dream against Redditors and Twitter antis regarding the cheating scandal. For the latter half of 2020, and a couple months of 2021, I lived and breathed this part of the fandom; so when I say that Dream stans are a whole other breed than any other kind of mcyttwt stan, I say that because I used to be like that, too. I usually use parasocial very loosely or ironically, but Dream stans are genuinely one of the most parasocial fanbases I have ever seen or been a part of. The level of investment Dream stans have in this man's life, the lengths they will go to to defend him, the amount of psychonalysis and digging they do on his life and character, the amount of emotion he can evoke in them- it's taken to another level, man. This isn't just characteristic of a fraction of his fanbase; this is what the fanbase is like as a whole.

Third, I partially disagree with your take on the HBomb thing, but not in the way one might think? I actually empathize with the way they reacted much more than I thought I would, simply because I suspect I have RSD (also suspect I have ADHD, have for several months now) and I can see myself getting insanely frustrated because of something like that. Like yeah, it was "just a MC stream" or "just an MC game," but that's kinda disregarding the fact that something that might seem like "just a [insert inconsequential thing]" to a rational mind might have a major emotional consequence/take a major emotional toll on someone with RSD, or really anyone who gets easily impatient/angry about video games (Sapnap reminds me of many of my friends, in that way). The issues I, personally, had with the way they handled the HBomb situation is that these are simply explanations and reasons for my empathy; they are not excuses. I have no excuse when I get irrationally angry about something inconsequential in my own life, for a couple of reasons. One, because I am an adult and I need to learn how to handle my reactions and manage my own anger. Two, because as someone with many mental problems, it is my responsibility to learn coping mechanisms to ensure my own emotional stability and livelihood; this includes learning whatever I need to handle RSD- whether that be isolating myself from others when I know I will become violently/passionately angry about something, creating and sustaining a support system that can get me through bouts of extreme emotion, finding healthy emotional outlets for my negative emotions that won't harm myself or others, or a combination thereof. I don't think what they said about HBomb post-MCC was an irreversibly horrible thing, or anything. I think there were errors committed by two men who should be fully capable of foreseeing and preventing those errors, but I don't unconditionally hate Dream or Sapnap for the post-MCC stream or comments. I just wish they had made amends quickly, publicly, and sufficiently, because the greatest consequences from the whole thing weren't even from those two criticizing HBomb themselves; they were from the waves of backlash because of their immense influence on the MCYT fandom, which could've been prevented, if they had acted maturedly and responsibly after the stream.

Fourth, you’re right, that he doesn’t seem to condone his fans’ behavior. I detest the frequent anti argument that one of the reasons Dream should be criticized is because he explicitly uses his fanbase to attack others, or something of the sort. Personally, I think he created his fanbase in a very specific way and interacts with them in such a way so as to benefit him as much as possible, yes, but he never actually tells his fanbase to go and yell at or harrass anyone. Still, there is a significant difference between not condoning something and condemning something. It might seem unfair, and it might be annoying of me to say this, but I truly think that someone with this large a fanbase, especially one as overzealous as Dream’s, needs to be condemned every single time it goes on some kind of rampage/harrassment campaign. Either that, or Dream needs to make a definitive, permanent statement against any kind of harrassment of others on his behalf. I know he’ll occassionally make the odd tweet or serious stream addressing something his fanbase did, but one of the many reasons his fanbase keeps doing the same damn thing is because he’s so lukewarm and spotty about this condemnation. A fanbase like his needs to be given explicit guidance and boundaries for the numerous things they do in his defense- harrassing/doxing antis, harrassing people who criticize him who aren’t antis (respectful criticism, other CCs, other MCYT stans, etc.), harrassing the people he critcizes (i.e., HBomb), speculating about his personal life (his relationship with his gf, his mental health/ADHD, his romantic life, his childhood, etc.), and speculating about his relationships with his friends and colleagues.  My personal ideology is that, if you have significant influence over someone or a group of people, you are at least somewhat responsible for the things those people do or don’t do, if it at all relates back to you. I’m so fucking tired of the argument that CCs aren’t responsible for what their fans do. Obviously they aren’t responsible for every single one of their fans, and obviously they can’t fully control their fans at the end of the day. But I think there are certain things that reach such a level of extremity that does make those CCs responsible. This can be measured by either scale or intensity; that is to say, if a CC’s fanbase does things on an extremely large scale, or one person from/a fraction of the fanbase does something really extreme, then the CC is made all the more responsible. Another CC I’ve always had trouble discussing with other people on this subject is Pewdiepie, in particular, about the extremists in his fanbase. Because the things a small handful of his fans have done in reference to him and/or in his name were so fucking extreme, I thought Pewdiepie had to take at least some responsibilty. Along a similar vein, because the things Dream’s general fanbase does are so widespread and on such a massive scale, Dream has to take at least some responsibility.

Fifth, okay. Hmmm. I want to tackle this point you made about the ableism he faces in some criticism of him carefully and with empathy, but not coddling. One, I do think a lot of the criticism he receives for the ways he handles criticism (post-cheating Tweets, reactions to John Swan, post-MCC HBomb stream, etc.), disregard his RSD and can be oftentimes ableist. I’ve actually encountered people irl who criticize this aspect of Dream’s character, and have had to explain to them their disregard for how ADHD/RSD affect neurodivergent people’s reactions to criticism. But - and this is a big, and very controversial but - I think mentally ill/disordered people can 100% leverage their mental illness/disorders for the sake of manipulation. This is actually something I’ve learned from a psychiatrist, regarding the ways people I know and I handle our anxiety and depression. This manipulation can be unwitting or intentional, but it is entirely possible, and the possibility shouldn’t be entirely dismissed as ableist. Living with a mental illness or disorder that others know about/that you are very public about puts you in an interesting position to receive frequent sympathy, empathy, and/or pity. I’m not saying that empathy for Dream having ADHD/RSD is entirely unjustified; on the contrary, I have frequently expressed how I can relate to his ADHD symptoms and have defended him for expressing those symptoms, both on mcytblr and in real life. I am saying that Dream fans tend to use his ADHD as a kind of shield for a lot of criticism levied against him, including the supposition that he could be manipulating his fanbase to defend him because of his public expressions of RSD. So yes, my theory is that Dream knows how to levy every aspect of his life for his personal gain and for the growth of his brand, and that includes his ADHD. I think he has courage for his openess about his ADHD, I think his openness has contributed to the rise in awareness of mental health and empathy for neurodivergent people within Gen Z, and I think at least some of his expressions of RSD publicly/online weren’t intentionally made public. All that being said, I also think he has to know just how much his fanbase cares about defending him for his ADHD, and I think he has to know that some of the things he does related to his neurodivergence endear him to his audience, in a coddling, baby-ing, mildly ableist sorta way.  Maybe this is all incredibly presumptuous of me. Of course, I can never know the real intentions behind any Dream video, Tweet, or stream. Maybe I’m just projecting, because I can see myself doing just this, if I had the maturity I had circa 2018-2019. Idfk know, man.

Sixth, I actually agree with you here, people probably do get more mad at his fanbase than him. Dream puts out content pretty seldomly, considering the frequency of content output for other Youtubers/streamers in his field/at his brand size. And yet, he has received masses of criticism. Considering that the things Dream himself does/says do not entirely correlate with the amount of criticism he receives, I think it’s a logical assumption that a lot of that criticism actually goes back to the size of his presence online, rather than the man himself. That is to say, because of the massive community he’s amassed, the exponential growth of his fanbase, their presence on every single social media site and in virtually every single Internet space/fandom, and the size of his metaphysical presence in his fields, Dream is much bigger than the man himself, so the criticism he receives will, at least in part, be a direct or indirect result of all these other aspects of the Dream brand.  Something I don’t think many Dream fans/stans, or even most MCYT fans in general, understand, is that Dream isn’t just “one guy” in the eyes of the Internet- at least, not anymore. He hasn’t been for nearly a year. Like Pewdiepie, Mr. Beast, and other CCs who have amassed similar levels of fame and wealth via Internet content creation, Dream is a brand now, and most people will treat him as such. He isn’t just some uwu soft boy playing Minecraft anymore. He is on a whole other level from any other MCYT in his friend circle or colleague interaction bubble. His words will never again live in a vaccum or private bubble, his friend circle will never again be under anything less than intense scrutiny, his past actions will never again be simple mistakes or silly errors, his words will never again be casual tweets or streams for laughs among a couple thousand followers. Dream’s name represents something much bigger than just the one man. As such, all aspects of his brand, including his fanbase, will tie back to him and, ultimately, to any general criticism of him.

I’m not saying I like any of this, and I actually think the evolution of influencers from people to a marketable brand with similar mechanisms, responsibilities, and liabilities as a corporation is some kind of late capitalism nightmare fuel; I’m just stating my own observations and theories as to why so much anti-Dream criticism seems to be directed at his fanbase, rather than him.

Seventh, he’s just a guy, you’re right, but I think a lot of the antis on Tumblr understand this more than you know. As I’ve seen it, the sentiment among much of the “DSMP stans DNI” crowd seems to be that of “Dream/other MCYTs are such ‘bad’ people, so why do their fans stick to these mediocre, racist men, when there are so many better people to watch/better content to consume?” We know this argument is flawed for many of the obvious reasons - the conflation of all MCYTs’ actions regardless of individual identity, the equating of a CC’s fanbase’s morality to that of the CC they enjoy watching, the exxageration of any error MCYT CCs have committed as bigotry/racism, the fundamental misunderstanding and misinformation that led antis to believe this exxageration of the facts, etc. But I want to focus on the general, underlying sentiment of, “why not watch someone better, when your creator is problematic?” Sometimes, I ask this of Dream stans. Yes, being mildly ignorant, getting involved in the scandals Dream has, and being a right-leaning/libertarian centrist in the recent past all seem like harmless things, all things considered. One could say Dream isn’t nearly as bad as many antis who are misinformed seem to believe, and that there are much worse CCs Dream stans could be watching and creating fan content for. But I think what Tumblr antis wonder is, aren’t there also much better MCYTs/CCs people could be watching and stanning? Because he’s just some guy, right? Is his content truly so exceptional or is he really so exceptional a person, that people have to stick by him, despite the things that spike up regarding his current or past actions? I think that’s what made me finally decide to stop watching Dream. I realized he was just Some Guy. The Dream Team was a comforting dynamic to indulge in, DNF was a cute ship to read and speculate about, and Manhunts were fun videos to watch; however, once the Reddit posts came out and I read them in-depth, the cost-benefit analysis tipped over to the “not worth it” side for me. I realized Dream’s content, while fun and comforting, was not entirely unique, and wasn’t worth sticking around for, given what I then knew about his past political leanings. If he is just Some Guy, then there are a hundred more like him out there. There a hundred more ships, a hundred more found family dynamics, a hundred more entertaining and skilled Minecraft players. So while I agree with you on the point of people being allowed to love him regardless because he is just a guy, at the end of the day, I think that, if we are to believe that sentiment or use that argument in such a manner, we should also understand the flip side- that, if he is just some guy, why is it worth sticking around? To that I say, maybe because people just enjoy the simple things they enjoy.

Anyways, I wholly agree with your tl;dr. Thanks for that insanely long ask, this was a fun thing to keep me occupied while I’ve been at work, facilitating Zoom sessions this whole morning.

[pinkbiscuits-perks-and-curses]

i feel like 90's and early 2000's kids were the last bit of mental disturbance before mental stability become an issue,

because cartoon network didn't give shit, it acted like disturbing children was the fucking point, and it was great, we loved it

i mean, courage the cowardly dog was nightmare fuel, i'm still disturbed by that weirdly spindly 3D esk thing,

samurai jack was both violent, basically having blood and gore even though it was all machines

powerpuff girls was violent in a more physical sense, and clearly showed crime and destruction, and wasn't afraid of beating literal kids senseless

billy and mandy was a thing, it cared not of mortality, made jokes that didn't always land, but it was weirdly real, more so normalising odd things in just the right way

the foster home for imaginary friends, was quite literally an escape from reality, the main character had a bad home life, and tried his hardest to escape, the imaginary friends, are all just that, friends, and all of them got abandoned

ed, edd, and eddy, was weird, they all lived on their own, no adult figures around, they were outcasts, but they got along, and it generally felt like a fever dream

dexter's lab was seemingly warning you for what not to become, don't become a cynical person obsessed with work and growing up

cow and chicken was pretty much a hallucination, it had grim, and off putting actions that were surrounded by this twisted sense of happiness

and johny bravo with his relentless pursuit of woman that never got anywhere,

and actually, cartoon network never got rid of this mind set, you have plenty of shows, flapjack, ben 10, juniper lee, adventure time, regular time, knd, chowder, gumball, sym-biotic titan, generator rex, over the garden wall, and even steven universe

all shows that weird, sometimes scary, and yet all follow the same one simple rule, it has a story revolving around a theme, episode to episode, there's a problem or something, it gets worked out, but it never lost it's theme

and the foster home for imaginary friends is the right tipping point, visuals, the dark gloomy and mundane colour set got changed with colours, and the sleek olden design, with newer more chaotic ones, but while foster's had a theme, abandonment, escape, it had it's darker tones, a darker theme, and those got flushed out, and that's not a bad thing, gumball is basically just chaos and colour around a story isn't it, and it's good

but it showed that we changed, humans in general btw, the time of darker theme's for a kids series, was no longer needed, cause we changed, more things could be talked about, as the gloom of the 90's faded, and there's the problem a lot of people who grow up with these shows have, kids now, don't get an escape, we could lose ourselves in these shows, could find solutions, because life was often just as dark as they were, but now a days, we can't

and kids have the same issues, i'm going to go into a personal tangent here, i have a abandonment issues, cause my parents in my eyes, couldn't be bothered, i was practically raised by my grandpa, cause he was the only one that seemingly cared for me, and i escaped in television, and it was so easy, ben 10, the original, was basically the same thing i was in, even though for them it was just for a summer, but since it seemingly never ended that wasn't a problem, foster's was also just that, an mc in a bad place with a mother that didn't care for him, ed edd and eddy, was about children on their own, i had nightmares almost every night, and no one to wake up to comfort me, just the same as courage, he was afraid yet he still stood up, still had the courage to face them, whatever that may be, samurai jack was always alone carrying the expectations of so many, yet he stayed calm in unexpected situations,

the point i'm making is that you could draw the strength you didn't have, from these characters, because they were in just as bad of a place if not worse then you were, and today's cartoons just feel lacking on that part, maybe it's just me, maybe it's just us, but i hope that kids these days still have a way to loose themselves in characters that have the strength they might not have

[lokidyke]

misogynists be like: lois is actually emotionally abusive to her husband and children and gets off on torturing them, therefore she is the main cause of all the boys’ problems. my favorite show is family guy btw

people with brain cells be like: the show blurs the line between an unrealistic cartoony family and a relatable everyday working class family as a storytelling tool.

however, when paying close attention to the canon of the show, one can piece together a deeper narrative to follow if one chooses. this deeper narrative is that hal possesses some kind of gene (NOT to be confused with mental illness) that the boys inherent from their father. this is explicitly stated when hal explains to reese, malcolm, and dewey that they will all have trouble interacting normally in romantic encounters due to behavioral/personality issues they inherent from hal. the show makes the distinction between mental illness and hal’s mysterious and ultimately hilarious gene (it’s a sitcom, remember?) by justifying lois’ use of her punishments against them and their behavior at every turn. the boys often bring extremely careless, reckless, and destructive beyond that of normal children, including children with mental illness, meaning that their abnormal destructiveness is kind of like an innate character flaw passed on by hal. interesting primary conflict, if you ask me.

lois functions as, as hal puts it, an antidote to their character flaws both for hal and the boys. as hal’s wife, she acts as the voice of reason in their partnership, while he adds all the fun and love to her life that she could ever want and need. they balance each other out so that, as a couple, they’re able to live happy lives. (*the sound of capitalist society coming to wreck the fun in 3, 2, 1...*) boom. poverty

as the boys’ mother, she is necessary to curve the character flaws they inherent from hal that would ultimately be their doom without her there for them. she helps guide their lives and ingrain them with all of the knowledge, wisdom, and morality she can possibly fit into them, with the hopes that they can fly to all the places they need to be. lois makes it clear that she understands and accepts that that this is her responsibility to handle this role in the family in the final episode, where she tells malcolm her open secret plan for each of the boys (not counting francis, who she didn’t know had already completed her goal for him to become a stable, regular member of society, without his personality getting in the way of his stability and happiness).

reese will become the head janitor at the high school, as everyone has a mutual understanding that he will likely never mentally progress much further than a young adult, he has shown emotional maturity and a much stronger sense of empathy. he can now, like francis, be a happy member of society. he loves his job, has healthy hobbies like cooking, and will likely with time and experience continue on to develop more empathy and understanding that will keep his past criminality and borderline sociopathy under control, all thanks to the foundation laid out for him by lois.

malcolm, being gifted with gifts of intelligence (likely inherited from lois, as she has shown very high intelligence throughout the show), will become president. many reasons make sense for this to be lois’ plan for malcolm. with lois’ molding to make sure malcolm experience: the exact right amount of roughness in life so that he, too, can grow emotionally and develop better empathy, so that he will make a great leader. (leftists hold applause for imperialistic governments, but you get the idea). on top of that, malcolm climbing high in the government will mean he will be making a lot of money, which the family will need in order to properly get out of debt. on top of that, lois intends for malcolm’s politician career to lead to him finally helping the poor and impoverished. i think one can argue that malcolm somehow playing a hand in society becoming more of a socialist utopia was lois’ goal all along, but hey... it’s a sitcom. read whatever you want into it, if you need to.

dewey, the musical genius and likely the most caring boy so far, will probably be a famous mucisian, living the life of luxury in his success. it’s meant to, in a way, make up for a childhood where he was tortured by his brothers, often unfortunately neglected and forgotten by his parents due to their impoverishment, and dewey seems to be very okay with this, given his reaction in the finale.

as for jaime and the unborn baby, it’s best to assume that they will likely be sent through the Lois’ Mothering Experience in order for her to help properly “cure” the affliction of their character flaws/gene (remember, this is a comedy. i think it can be argued that the “gene” can be an exaggerated representative point of the effects of patriarchy and capitalist society [pointing back to hal’s upbringing from a wealthy family] on men and how it effects their behavior, if you wanted to get META meta meta, but i’m not gonna go that far down the rabbit hole). cure is still a bad word for it, though, as they’ll always be abnormal, but with what they GAIN from lois, both her parenting and the intelligence (in different ways) that she passes on to each of them, they can still live and be happy and successful.

that all being said, the show ACTUALLY comes back to lois actually being the primary protagonist. the show focuses on the childhood of her first three children and how they grow up. since lois plays such a primary role in their future, this is what makes her the primal element of the show. if she was removed, there would be nothing left of the show or the story it tells of these boys being raised into healthy adults. i know it might all sounds simple, stupid, and/or silly, but genuinely... #loisistheprotagonist.

[salty-donut-collecter]

Why Not?

Part Twenty-Three 

Twenty-Two      {Masterlist}     Twenty-Four

Chapter Word Count: 1638

Trigger Warnings: This is a very dramatic chapter honestly, so uhh

People get hurt, yelling, crying, mentions of neurodiversity 

Please tell me if I need to tag anything else :)

*Also, I’m planning on having this story as a slow burn, so please be prepared :)

Prompts: “Do I look like I give a fuck?”, “I don’t know what I’m feeling, but I’m feeling a lot of  it.”, and “Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends.”

A/N: Okay, so this gets... interesting. I'm not going to tell you how things go in the future, but know that this is a very dramatic turn and I guess I just wanted to warn you a bit before I posted it. I'll answer questions as long as it doesn't spoil anything, so feel free to ask away

Happy reading! (Also, feel free to comment your thoughts! I love reading comments :))

Also, if you’d like to be added to the tags list, please let me know! :D

      _____________________________________________________

You walked down the stairs seeing red, your eyes probably glowing as you couldn't help but hear the numerous amounts of thoughts running through everyone's heads. Complete focus wasn't there. The world blurred, mixed with reds and blacks. Accents of sunlight making everything feel like the Greybeyond from Lord of The Rings after Frodo had put the ring on.

When you get to the living room, you don't stop. The room quiets as everyone starts to stare. Within moments, you have a full room of eyes on you. Their thoughts won't stop, they're clouding your mind like smoke in a strip club.

Through all the noise, you heard Steve speak.

"Y/n, what're you--" his voice was low, like he was talking to an enemy, so you had no moral conflict in interrupting him.

"All of your kids are neurodivergent, and are currently suffering." You practically growled, "And yet you guys are continuing to argue so LOUD without ANY consideration for your children-- the children you chose to adopt and take care of." you spit, your hands balling into fists.

You saw Bucky's face go pale. He glanced at the exit.

A dry chuckle escaped your lips. "You really think they want to see you? After everything they've just listened to?" another sarcastic huff. "Why don't we settle this somewhere they won't hear you?"

Snap.

Your hand was still up when Steve's shield hit your face. Your jaw dislocated-- or maybe it broke. You weren't quite sure. Either way, you took your hand, which was still in its previous position of post-snapping, and used it to relocate your jaw. Seconds later it was healed.

"I'd like to say I'm a very sympathetic person, Steve," You took a breathe, still overwhelmed by the overlapping voices that were composed of everyone's thoughts, "That's why I'm maintaining my composure."

Another breath. You blink.

"However, becoming unhinged and attacking me out of nowhere won't do anyone any good for multiple reasons." you frowned, "I figured, since you'd been the one to teach Maverick that, that you too would understand the concept." your frown deepened, "But I guess being wrong is today's family trend." you sigh.

The place you'd transported everyone wasn't actually real. Technically, they were all still in the living room, passed out. Would you tell them that yet? No, but it helped when you thought about Steve throwing his shield at you thinking it'd actually do anything to you. He had seen you fight, after all.

So yes, instead of actually attempting to teleport them anywhere (which was only something you'd thought you might be able to do), you made it look like you'd teleported them to Château du Guildo, Créhen, France. They were awkwardly standing in the ruins' courtyard during a chill, starry night.

You made things as realistic as possible to evade any suspicion. However, Tony, who was just wearing a tee-shirt, was almost shakey with his arms crossed because you hacked into everyone's hypothalamus (which controls how you feel temperature--Bruce had you learn the known parts of the brain to make your job "easier") so they could feel their surroundings. You used to do things like this for HYDRA as a method of torture, but you tried not to let those types of thoughts enter your mind right now. You didn't need that. You needed to stay focused and concrete.

The more you thought about the way Katie looked at you as you looked

Around at the people your siblings called parents, the more your anger started to boil.

"Now that we have you out of the house," you forced yourself to calm down a little, rubbing the very realistic pain that was still present in your cheek, "What in the fucking UNIVERSE WAS THAT ABOUT?!" You didn't quite scream, but you wanted to--oh how you wanted to.

The so-called Avengers just looked down for a moment.

Then, of course, Steve fucking spoke up.

"Well," he looked around at his teammates, which apparently didn't include you anymore. What a shame. "Some of us don't think you should be... included on the team anymore."

A laugh, one that was so dry and sarcastic, it almost became real, left your lips. "That's rich." You chuckled, wiping a fake tear from your eye.

"Y/n, they're serious." Tony gave you a concerned dad look.

Your semi-forced smile dropped, "I know how serious he is, Tony." You Looked over to Sam, already knowing he was probably on Steve's side. He always was, after all, "They think I'm still controlled by HYDRA. They think I'm a double agent."

Sam stepped up, "HYDRA has nothing to do with this."

Vision chimed in for a moment, "Y/n, we think you're... unstable." he looked at you with a sincerity that no one else seemed capable of, "We only wish to expand your mental stability in order to prevent more outburst that could possibly cause harm towards others. Particularly Katie, and her siblings."

Tony stepped up, now just as angry as he probably was before, "Y/n wouldn't lay a finger on that girl and you know it!" he furiously spat, his hands shaking as he angrily pointed a finger at Vision.

"Tony, we're not saying she'd want to do anything." Steve seemed desperate to make Tony understand, you realized he'd probably been trying all night and getting nowhere. "No one in their right mind would want to hurt that little girl, but--"

"And when was the last time Y/n was in the wrong mindset?" Pietro asked, stepping up to Steve boldly, "When was the last time she did anything without a reason?" he asked, his arms disdainfully swinging at his sides.

Rhodey gave him a pointed look, "What do you call hacking into our locked files and illegally copying them to her laptop?" he asked.

"I call it finding the answers she should've had access to in the first place as a member of the Avengers." Wanda looked at Rhodey like she was reminding him of the fact that she could tear him to pieces in a matter of moments, and that she was definitely thinking about it.

"That's like giving Peter access to all of our files" Natasha rolled her eyes.

"He has access to all of our files," Tony corrected, "He's just too distressingly polite to look through them without our permission." He added.

Peter, who wasn't too far away, nodded. "I feel bad if I don't ask Mr. Stark first, but I do have access to everything, just like Mr. Stark and Steve," he told them. "I thought Y/n had full access too, so I didn't really think anything of it when I heard she hacked us, because what else are you supposed to do when you don't have the password and everyone else is asleep, right?" He nervously chuckled and watched himself shift his feet due to the vast amounts of attention he'd just accidentally earned.

"Besides, what's it to you anyway?" Clint just looked done with everyone, "We're prepared to deal with her if she does lose her shit, which isn't going to happen btw," he paused to take a sip from the coffee pot no one had noticed he had, "and it's not like she's as difficult as Barnes was!" Another sip, "Like, I love the kids as much, if not more, than you do, but she's not a threat to them. They love each other too much." He gave Steve a side look, "Almost like you and Barnes," he commented, proceeding to take a long, loud drink of his coffee as the rest of the world processed what he'd said.

Steve blushed, but didn't let Clint get to him.

"I still think that we just need to make sure--"

"What, exactly?" you snapped, "Because, I don't think there's literally anything for you to be worried about, Steve." You'd slowly become calmer in this atmosphere. It wasn't getting out of hand anymore, and it was more of a debate now. However, hearing Steve had caused your blank expression to fade into a blatantly irritated frown/scowl situation.

"We just want to make sure you're... yourself." Sam tried to reason, "We want to make sure you're well enough to have full control of yourself--"

"So it is about HYDRA?" you interjected, already knowing how the rest of his statement would've sounded.

No one said anything.

You scoffed, "unbelievable." you look up to the heavens you hoped didn't have to see this, "To think I believed you when you told me I was a part of the team. That you thought I was all better and wanted me here because I made a good edition." you threw your hands up as tears started to form in your eyes, "And all that other complete bullshit you were feeding me." You laughed, your voice breaking, "When all you really wanted was another helpless mess that wanted nothing more than to try and make up for all the horrible things they'd done. You wanted someone just trying to change-- because after James, Pietro, Wanda, really everyone here, you just couldn't get enough. You just love a sob story, huh?!" You sniffed, looking down at everyone around. Most everyone just had their heads down in shame.

You smiled, nodding as the tears started to fall. The overlapping voices weren't helping, but you could barely hear them anymore. Not over the quickly developing silence that your brain demanded.

"Not even a word." You continue to nod, not knowing what else to do, "I get it. I see." A sad, sinister smile appears on your face as an idea popped into your head.

"That's alright," You stopped nodding, smiling at the floor and whispering, "that just means you won't mind when I leave."

With that statement, you look up just in time to see everyone's final face of panic before--

Snap.

_____

Taglist: @introvertedsin @galacticalstarcat @acidrain707

[blodeuweddschild]

Thunder Stars Plants 11:11 Winged Eyeliner (if you want, you don’t have too cause like,,, it’s a lot and aNgSt)

What’d ya mean? We love angst in this house

Thunder: What’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

I’d never hurt my brother, nothing in the world could make me hurt him

Stars: When did you last cry in front of another person?

Uhhhhhh probably like a week ago, haven’t been having a great time emotionally recently. In fact it might have been in front of you actually now I think about it (sorry about you having to deal with my mental breakdown btw)

11:11: Name three wishes and why you’d wish for them

For there to be an infinite amount of resources available for every person

To have mental stability

For my blood to turn into coffee (but still be able to survive)

Winged Eyeliner: Write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

First off you’re not straight and that’s something you’re just gonna have to accept. Just skip out the whole worrying about it thing and you’ll get to miss about 3 years of panicking.

Secondly, please start going to a counsellor now. Tell people how you feel and what you want to do because it’s serious. If you try and start coming back from it now it won’t get as bad as it has already. What you’re feeling is real, and it’s something you need to tell someone about. Please don’t put yourself through another 4 years of this, do something now.

And you’re gonna change, a lot. Don’t be scared of it. Accept it and embrace who you become, don’t look back on old memories of who others tell you you used to be and instead focus on who you are now

(This is longer than 100 words but shhhhhh)

[angelstraightfr0mhell]

Talk about 3 and 22

Story time continues, thanks lovely!! 💕

3.) Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for.

My love. We've been together for 5 years now. I met him through mutual friends when I was 17 (I actually met him on my junior prom night because I was fighting with my then boyfriend so I decided to go out with my friend and some of her friends that night) Fast forward a year and some change, I'm 18 and had broken up with my asshole boyfriend. Me, my friend from before, her boyfriend, and their friends decided to drive up to see their friend (my love) in the town he lived and go shopping and stuff. Anyway to make that long story short my friends boyfriend lied to me and said my love liked me and lied to him and said I liked him. Got us drunk at their house (I was GONE), they gave us their bed for the night and we stayed up just talking most of the night. The next morning he gave me his number and I waited like 3 weeks to text him but it's all history from there. When we first started dating I was in a REALLY BAD mental state and he helped me through it. I moved in with him after about a year and things were great for a while, but we're both terrible at communication and he wouldn't tell me when I did things that bothered him cause he didn't want to hurt me or my feelings (I have BPD btw so I go through waves of like intense anger/depression/happiness/dissociation and it took me a long time to recognize and not act on those feelings, but that's another story for another time). Anyway we decided to take a break and I moved out for 3 months and lived with my friend and his meth addicted boyfriend which was awful. My love and I decided in those 3 months that we didn't see ourselves spending our lives with anyone else so we got back together and I moved back in. That was about a year and a half or so ago now and since then our relationship has been SO GREAT. I really believe we needed to go through that together for our relationship grow and stabilize more or less. But anyway we're both super happy now and we actually communicate and joke around and talk about the things that bother us. I honestly couldn't ask for a more perfect human being to spend my life with 💕

22.) Talk about your worst fear.

My biggest fear has always been losing the person I love most in the world, which would be my love. I don't mean like if we broke up and losing him that way, cause that I'd get over eventually. I mean something happening and him just being taken from me. I had never spoke about that until like 2 years ago (literally 2 years ago this month) when it happened to a friend of mine. Her and her fiance had been together for like 7 years and were to marry IN A MONTH, he was in a terrible accident and died coming home one day. That broke her and really put my fear into perspective. Before that I just thought it was some irrational fear that couldn't happen but seeing that happen to her really put it into perspective.

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 104 Thoughts

Hey Galliard.

Hey. Hey. Galliard.

LET’S SEE YOU GRIT THOSE TEETH.

We’re reaching the end of this arc segment, and I think the relief is making it a little easier to appreciate all the things happening. ...I mean it would, if anything remotely positive were still going on in this world.

Wait, Falco’s alive.

Okay team, there’s still hope.

I’m still having trouble working out why all of this is the chosen strategy. Paradis has caused an incredible amount of destruction, and disposed of most of the top brass, so looked at from an Us vs. Them situation, as long as the Scouts and Eren make it out okay, this is a pretty successful operation. It’s going to take some time for Marley to chase after their island with all the devastation.

What’s the score? The harbor, a bunch of surrounding cityscape, plenty of the interment zone, most of their top brass, and... let’s call it four Titans.

The frustrating part is that I’m having a really difficult time working out the scale of it all. In every section of this battle that we’re shown, Paradis has won somewhat easily. But I don’t know how large Marley is. Magath and Willy are willing to offer up the internment zone and all of the talking heads inside of it in order to gain allies in their offensive. They were ready for Eren. They were not ready for their Titans being out of reach, and they were not ready for Armin.

Since Eren’s decision to play along as the villain of Willy’s story, I’ve been sulking and wondering what the endgame is. What’s the point of playing right into Marley’s publicity stunt? What’s the point of making yourselves look so bad when your only contact with the outside world has been self-defense?

Reading this chapter, it’s hard not to think, “what’s the point of standing back when you know you can win?”

(Even though they’re all so very screwed if their escape blimp plan gets derailed. Like. Their eggs have 1 (one) assigned basket. And Eren’s already nearly died several times during this mess. Dun dun dun.)

And I’m not sure how much of that is a sign that Paradis has landed a fatal blow against Marley, and how much is just... here’s where our focus has been. In a very tiny corner of the world, Paradis has the upper hand.

Marley, unlike the rest of the antagonistic world, fights wars with Titans. The lowercase ones too. In this battle, they have lost two of them, one with the unique ability of controlling ravenous hordes of cannon fodder, one with the unique ability of making very kickass weapons.

What they’re left with is Reiner, Galliard, and Pieck. None of them in a state where they are a dominant force.

Magath wants Marley to enter a world where their military strength isn’t determined by Titans, but you can’t change that overnight. Their greatest trump cards have all been beaten or stolen away. In terms of Titan strength, Paradis wins right out. Marley has the numbers to win a siege war, but that isn’t the war being fought at the moment.

A few things are happening with this battle. One (the most annoying, being something Willy and Magath plan to exploit), Paradis is doing a fantastic job of selling themselves as the demons everyone calls them. Two, they’re making it clear who wins in a battle of Titans (however dicey things are during the fight, Paradis is leaving (hopefully) with three of Marley’s Titans horrifically maimed, one MIA, but presumed dead, and one actually dead). Three, they’re leaving a country that the whole world has bad experiences with in a very vulnerable position.

Marley might be putting work into making Paradis the scapegoat, but the night they declare war Paradis stomps every weapon they have faith in. Ambassadors from other countries get along with Willy, less so with Marley. One night of sympathy for the Eldian plight their buddy Willy has gone through isn’t going to change that.

The hope in the aftermath of this might be that Paradis has proven itself too dangerous to be left alone, so other countries will gladly work with Marley to stamp them out of existence, but... I’m wondering a little if those other countries might be more interested in wiping out their known enemy before turning their attention to the island. Marley has zero good will built up.

Ugh, I don’t know. Thinking about all the different ways people could respond to this makes my head hurt. Especially since Paradis does have links with other countries now, and that makes it harder to get the Beauty and the Beast mob song going.

And again there’s the question of scale. Which is really just me questioning how many Erens Armin just pulled, and how many Erens it would take duplicating to raze all of Marley to the ground. Armin’s feat is obviously destructive, but.

Fuck it, I want five pages of next chapter devoted to graphing out population and military personnel of Marley. With real numbers. The sixth page can provide Paradis’.

Has this operation hamstrung Marley as badly as their morale makes it feel like, or not? That’s all I want to know. Acceptable sacrifice vs. monstrous horrifying mass murder of horror is easier to parse out when the mission objectives and accomplishments are written in plaintext.

...It’s obviously going to end up being both anyway. I still feel really lost.

In character land, where things are slightly simpler, Armin’s having his own version of Eren and Reiner’s conversation. If Eren and Reiner are the same, so are Armin and Bertolt. That’s... oy.

I complain a lot about action chapters because I always feel like I just want to watch the anime version and get on with it without turning over every rock, but some of the complaining comes from really, really wanting to get back to the sad monologuing about feelings everyone in this series is prone to indulge. Hell, pull a Naruto and let everyone get a significant backstory flashback when it looks like they’re in mortal danger.

Armin’s from Shiganshina. Ground zero of this war. He’s one of a small percentage of people who lived through watching Wall Maria’s destruction. He’s standing right there when everything their people have known is annihilated.

Bertolt also burns him to death. Basically.

Now Armin’s the one holding all that power in his hands. He kills people and takes away their homes just by taking a few steps.

The good news is that he knows he has an expiration date, so he can look forward to that instead of seeking therapy to help him later in life.

...

Yeah, there is no good news. Let’s pan back to Falco, who is breathing and somehow showing more signs of mental stability than Gabi.

Kid’s made of some stern stuff. If Eren’s betrayal doesn’t completely shatter him, he might be able to make a bright future for himself if he stays alive. He’s compassionate and doesn’t freeze in a crisis.

Unlike some people.

-cough- Jean -cough-

Nah, that’s mean.

From the looks of things, whether it’s Pieck’s interference or Jean’s own heart getting in the way, Jean’s mind was absolutely prepared to kill the little boy if that meant removing the Cart Titan from play. I don’t know if he tried to arrange a shot that would dodge Falco, but I do think that he accepted that there was a good chance the kid would die in the crossfire, and went for it anyway.

This series was so much happier when people were getting eaten alive.

-looks at rest of the chapter-

-rest of chapter looks back-

Well. You know what I mean.

I’m glad Pieck’s alive, even if it’s only for now. Truthfully, I don’t think I want any of the Warriors to die. Their lives have been hell. I want to think that someday, all of the Eldian kiddos get to breathe free air without being a tool of war. If they die, it’s just another footnote to a sad story.

Then we have Galliard, who.

..Yeah.

(btw

Does Titan inheritance run on some kind of lottery system, and does that matter?)

I thought Eren would be done horrifying me after the civilian slaughter. I mean, where else can we go from there? Dead children hit one of the highest tiers of tragedy. Maybe more of them will fall out of the cracks, and surely the psychological trauma of individuals like Reiner will continue to be bad, but we’re done with any of it being shocking.

...

.....

Eren’s a fucking tryhard.

Okay! Okay. Uh.

Points for... pragmatism?

“Aha, I have cracked the case, if not the crystal! Hark, I shall have Jaws crack the crystal, and I shall drink up this woman’s juices as they drip from his teeth while he silently screams at me to stop!”

Eren with the Jaw Titan in the Conservatory.

I mean. If you think about it.

I have been calling the Warriors tools for ages.

Eren using Galliard as his own personal nutcracker is really only the natural evolution of that.

Yike.

I’m surprised Reiner’s already up and about. It makes sense that it’s to protect Galliard (Porco is going to have so very many issues when he wakes up), because protecting people is the one thing the world hasn’t broken inside of him. Even after all he’s been through, he still wants to be the good guy, keeping his comrades safe.

But the dude’s dead inside. He has the strength to stand, but not much else, and I don’t know how the story can lead him into anything dynamic when he’s so screwed up.

Also of curiosity is... Eren’s perfectly willing to nom Galliard. Reiner shows up, gets punched maybe a building length away, is very obviously in no state to win any kind of fight, and Mikasa and Eren walk away.

All of the other Titans are removed during the festival by strategy. Pieck and Porco get dumped down a hole. Zeke is probably working with Eren, and he’s still escorted out.

Reiner gets a conversation.

Reiner’s participation in Eren versus War Hammer would have turned the tables. The only reason he isn’t part of it is because his conversation with Eren robs him of his final will to live.

So uh. ...Eren? Not to be rude or question your moral character or basic sanity... but... I don’t know... how, uh, on purpose is Reiner’s current emotional state?

...On a related note, is that your way of keeping him alive? ...Am I. Am I going to have to start shipping you two seriously?

This has the feel of something else I’m going to find easier to discuss in later chapters, but looking at the last few pages... Eren has the chance to kill Reiner and Galliard. He definitely has no problem nomming Galliard. What changes? Reiner caring about Galliard?

Eren easily could have taken out two of Marley’s Titans, and he chooses not to. It’s a decision Mikasa is either fine with or encourages. I don’t quite know what to make of her very excellent stoic face after Eren punches Reiner. She goes from that to zooming over all “Eren!” and... does that mean killing Reiner has been judged the wrong decision all around? What’s with the interruption, you two? Is that closeup of Eren’s eyes on the opposite page just there to look pretty, or is something going on?

Look, you’ve killed everyone else in the general vicinity, I’m allowed to wonder what makes this special. What, Eren can see his sparkling eyes when his face isn’t armored up and can’t handle the dokis?

Geez, this was a chapter.

Next month we get to see how great the great escape is--only guarantee is that there is no escape from the monsters in their heads.

...I’m with Mikasa. Can we go home now?

[ciceroisthefamilycat]

My Fiery Heart reread response (my Indigo Spell one here, my first-time Fiery Heart one here from 7.5 years ago)

before I get into it, I remembered looking up the Iolanthe coven name Sydney used; that wasn’t something I looked up until after reading it the first time though, so I didn’t realize the fairy court connection to Sydney recommending Zoe do her literature assignment on Midsummer Night’s Dream... I’m very certain it was an intentional reference to that opera now (even though the purple flower meaning was enough on its own)... if they get around to adapting this one, I half want to see Amberwood Prep put on a production of MND where Jill is helping with the costumes and Zoe gets to play Titania or something; I never got around to reading Richard III (Zoe’s original pick) but it’s interesting that free will/fatalism is apparently a major theme, and that Richard contrived to have his brother Clarence sent to the Tower of London...

also, I’m not sure if I cared about “White Rabbit” by Jefferson Airplane all those years ago, but I got a thrill seeing it referenced this go around.

we get the first namedrop for Cicero (though we had heard about his propensity for killing birds and some other mention in the earlier BL books ETA, 7/19: “My family had a cat back in Utah that I was pretty sure was more responsible than Angeline” pg 31 TGL

Anyway, gosh Sydney makes bad decisions in this one. And it’s not because she has too much to do- she has no real outside strenuous challenges to protecting Jill or her group this go around. The friend group actually had to decide “yeah let’s go hunt down a Strigoi in LA” for there to be a major action scene. I realize she’s in her late teens and the burdens put on her are unfair, but she’s a great example of someone who thrives under pressure and falls apart when she’s given too much free time.

The switch to dual narrators was unnecessary. It wasn’t bad, but it was clearly only to set up for the big cliffhanger at the end, and so feels a bit pointless in this one. Btw, Rose didn’t lose her spirit link into Lissa’s mind after Lissa went on antidepressants. Now admittedly, the chemicals in Adrian’s mood stabilizers would have probably worked differently, or maybe Richelle was trying to retroactively make things more consistent (since alcohol could affect the bond), or maybe it was “Adrian and Jill’s bond is less established, so Jill can’t break through like Rose could”... but the sudden decision mid book (with no repercussions- Adrian doesn’t even bring it up to Sydney to be like “hey, one of your main concerns about having sex is taken care of”) is so pointless and really goes to the minimal page-time of the larger ensemble. I said it the first time I read the book, the absence of Kristin and Julia, and Micah, and even more important characters like Angeline or Trey is so frustrating. I realize Richelle couldn’t write a book that was 900 pages long, but I would have gladly taken any of those characters instead of the completely unnecessary Terwilliger/Malachi romance. Especially to see Jill’s reaction to getting to be a more typical high school human, since I think she would have gotten even more attached to Amberwood than Sydney did. I also just... really, the Alchemists decided to have Sydney’s bio sister on campus... pretending to be a cousin... while she was playing sister to Jill? I get they kind of backed themselves into a corner, but weird. That being said, I was happy to have Rowena and Cassie around. (give me Adrian and Rowena being wlw besties excellence to make me really happy)

Sydney’s coven initiation taking place in chapter 2, then she meets Inez (who gives her the books on charms)... and we never see a witch other than Jackie again in this book? Honestly, why bother with writing the initiation at that rate? I still like the cloak they made Sydney though. On reread, there’s the randomest bit where Trey’s like “is Neil even really British” and I wonder if that was a dropped storyline where Neil was faking. Olive and Nina are still pleasant characters, and I liked that they had a “unique” background, but knowing how those stories end was kind of a buzzkill on reread. Olive, especially, deserved better.

This is another one where I forgot quite a few events- Adrian getting drunk and the pawnshop (I think I remembered that obliquely, but not so much on it), or the trip to Texas (which actually came before the pawnshop but oh well). I was happy to finally get some actual Christian content again, although I regret we didn’t get more from Sydney & Rose or more Sydney & Lissa. On Adrian’s mental health storyline... I am less impressed by it than I was the first time (though I didn’t remember being super-impressed, but according to my first review?). I do actually like Adrian being insistent, once he’s started taking meds, that he’s going to continue, but the diagnosis of bipolar disorder doesn’t actually feel like it fits? I will say, I find Adrian’s “chicken or egg” pondering over whether spirit causes mental illness or mental illness means a predisposition to specializing in spirit is fascinating (though it’s probably for the best Richelle never actually answered it).

The way Adrian spoke (or thought) about Zoe really pissed me off. Like, one, you’re an adult, stop antagonizing the sister of the girl you like and just be cordial (which is less suspicious than suddenly acting like you and Sydney don’t get along at all), and two... Adrian’s super protective over Sydney after realizing the emotional abuse Jared heaped on, but somehow doesn’t realize that this fifteen year old has been spending time with said father’s attention solely focused on her for ages now, and he has no sympathy for her? Instead of seeing Zoe being like “Sydney shouldn’t have to provide for you all the time” and being like “aww, that’s a nice protective sister instinct even if she needs an attitude adjustment” he taunts a 15 year old about drinking from her the way he did to 20-something actual-predator Keith. He could have engaged yet another Sage sister in talking about his awesome car on the drive over, or at least made other good faith efforts.

The dabbling stuff made me more uncomfortable this time around (I think). Especially Sydney comparing her getting Keith’s eye ripped out to Adrian’s assault of a human girl... that was some real false equivalency on Richelle’s part. But other parts of it, like “oh here comes Adrian to save the day and at least he’s changed from these guys he used to hang out with (oh, look at that convenient statement that even back in the day Adrian wasn’t on the same level of bad as them)”  was really frustrating, or the fact that Adrian was very deliberately withholding information from her in his own chapters and it made me question his trustworthiness in her chapters. Or the “oh, hey, he made the concession of getting treatment for his mental illness, so all is forgiven” handwaving. Like, Richelle brought this in to be an obstacle to their relationship, but it’s addressed so quickly (with maybe a pittance effort of later being like “oh, at least Adrian didn’t take advantage when Sydney accidentally absorbed some Moroi endorphins- he learned his lessons!) that it doesn’t merit the actual consideration of so important a topic Idk. I do feel like I enjoy the Sydrian relationship more in this book than the others, but I also have some huge issues with it.

Adaptation-wise, I think genderbent Adrian would definitely mean a change to the dabbling storyline (yes, women can be sexual predators, but I don’t think this storyline would be maintained with different social expectations). Honestly, give me an Adrian who, instead of having victimized someone, doesn’t immediately fully grasp how upsetting this idea of vampires preying on her species (and risking exposure) is to Sydney... Adrian being like “it isn’t sexual, those guys would never consider sleeping with a human” but the consent even to give blood still being critical to Sydney. And you know what? Let Lissa “compelled a guy to almost hit himself over the head with a baseball bat for molesting a Feeder” Dragomir have a spirit freak out moment of rage and go off on these subjects of hers the way that was deserved (and then once she cools down, maybe she can’t punish them fully, but she uses it to leverage their royal families’ agreement to the Family Rule amendment). And just finish that law by the end of the season, so that when the Alchemists pull out Sydney and Zoe, they’re actually closing down the whole Palm Springs operation in a rage. (if I remember correctly Alicia kidnapped Jill between books 5 and 6, but that was a stupid plotline imo- let Sydney and her coven take care of Alicia in the downtime of this book instead) Let Rose figure out that Sydney and Adrian are in love- she’s smart and she would pick up on that; let her celebrate them and encourage them to be happy together. Also the “Sydney and Adrian get three days at an inn to sex it all up” was stupid... like I’m happy for them but am I really supposed to buy that they could afford all that time away from Palm Springs?

As bad as I feel for Syd, and Adrian, and Eddie, and Jill, and Jackie at the end of TFH, I do remember that I’m going to feel worst for Hopper. I’m sorry that demon dragon Calistana has my heart and I remember one scene from Silver Shadows featuring the little guy prominently...

[laracroftm]

Why You Should Stop Hating Aria Montgomery: A PSA.

OUT of the four liars, Aria Montgomery is the one I related the most to. Aria Montgomery is every single one of us - starting with who she was as a teenager up until the most recent episodes. She’s human and I will fight you if you call her selfish like it’s flaw - no one isn’t selfish. It’s called self-preservation - you’d die without it. Anyways, let’s get started on this. 

Aria & Ezra, Ezra & Aria....

Seasons 1-2, Ezria was definitely a favorite ship on the show. However, at the time, I wasn’t even aware of the concept of statutory rape. I mean, I was like 13 I believe? After the Season 4 rather nauseating revelation that Ezra not only actively sought out Aria in the bar while knowing how old she was, he’d previously been involved with her dead best friend. Now, if he’d approached Aria and introduced himself as an author interested in writing a story on her friend’s death, and Aria had agreed as a way to escape the stresses of her parent’s drama as well as to divulge just who alison really was (a fucking horrible person btw, i despise alison dilaurentis with every fiber of my being) -- i believe a more romantic arc would have been spun, all without the cringe-instilling shit they forced on us. 

Now, on why Aria would marry Ezra, even after all he’s done. 

Aria was at the most impressionable age of her life. Her parents’ lives was falling apart, she was being stalked by a god-knows-who who was out to get her and her friends, and she and her friends were still struggling with dealing with the way alison disappeared from their lives. After Alison’s disappearance, Aria’s the character who grew the most and become her own person, and as soon as Alison and her shit got reintroduced back into her life, all she’s built over a whole year was shattered -- she sought out the one person who gave her the sense of the person she was, and that was Ezra. 

I’m not saying Ezra is a saint - no, he’s an asshole, and him getting shot for Aria and the girls doesn’t amend to his sins. But again, over the course of her high school life, Ezra may have the been only sane constant in Aria’s life. I won’t say it’s love that drove her to accept an eternal life with Ezra. But it’s a desire for a semblance of safety and stability. It’s a self-defense mechanism that a lot of population is open to doing. You can’t blame her for accepting to be with someone who’d tricked her like that - especially when he’s actively been trying to redeem himself since then. 

When A.D. threatened to send Ezra to jail - Aria’s self-defense mechanism was to of course comply. It was a no brainer to her, and it would be a no brainer to all of us. She didn’t do it so that she and Ezra could get married, and she did not do it because she was afraid Ezra would find out about the report. If anything, Ezra deserves to be target practice for Aria’s self-defense classes and that would still not be enough to make up for what he’s done (Because everyone said that Aria was stupid for helping A.D. when Ezra knew about the report to begin with, but that’s not why Aria did this.) 

Now, onto the good stuff --

the AriA BetrAyal ReveAl...

Before I begin discussing this, I wanna highlight on why A.D. chose Aria out of all the liars to do her bidding, and why not Spencer or Hanna or Emily (Alison’s not one of the liars she should have stayed dead.)

On the contrary to everyone’s quick jump to conclusion, Aria’s actually the least selfish liar out of all of them. She’s also the most passionate.  And by all of them, I do mean all of them. That being said, at least both Hanna and Spencer have done some shit for A once before, so are we really gonna be judging Aria right now? Over the course of the 7 seasons, we’ve seen Aria lie and keep secrets to protect people she cares about. I don’t have time to recount how many times or occasions Aria’s done this but she always has, while the liars have on one time or another have all betrayed each other at some point. 

What stood out to me the most was Spencer Hasting’s enraged reaction to Aria’s ‘said betrayal’ 

Spencer claims she didn’t hurt anyone by being A. And that is not true --

Spencer didn’t join the A-Team to freaking be a double-agent. She was driven to join after a mental breakdown when she thought Toby was dead. Mona may have told her that Toby was alive, but Spencer was told that Toby would be her reward if she could get the liars at party on friday --- which is why Spencer’s parents throw a party to celebrate her departure from Radley. Spencer joined the team to save Toby, just like Aria joined the Team to save Ezra. She may have turned midway when she finally actually saw him, but so did Aria. So let’s not paint Spencer as a hero and Aria as a betraying bitch - they’ve both done the exact same thing, and the writers are recycling old plots because they have nothing better to do. 

Spencer slipped some of her sleeping pills into Malcolm’s ice cream - I’m not sure why she did this, I don’t know if she was hoping Malcolm would forget what she looked like or not, but that was dangerous. Sleeping pills specifically are dosed for adults. It’s a miracle she didn’t kill him. 

She claims that the A who took Malcolm wanted to get caught - and if she did, she wouldn’t have told Malcolm her name was Alison. She wasn’t trying to get caught. 

Later on, Aria snaps, saying that Malcolm is off-limits. If Spencer really wanted to prove a double-agent status, Aria should have been in on this. Being a double-agent doesn’t count if Spencer’s the only one who knows what she discovers; she should have told Aria. Aria didn’t agree and had to be threatened twice to comply to A.D’s wishes. Spencer didn’t even waste a heartbeat thinking what taking Malcolm could possibly do to Aria.

Last but not least, Spencer’s parents going through a divorce is not Aria’s fault. Spencer is deluding herself to think that her parents even stood a chance, back from the day they found out Jason was Spencer’s brother. But that’s not a point I should mention because everyone agrees with me anyways.

Troian revealed in an interview that Spencer was supposed to be A. Which brings me to a point that, Marlene didn’t even know where she was going with this show after season 2. She just kept adding plots and twisting pasts and creating plot holes to add to the shock factor. 

Now onto the infuriating part of this, Alison Dilaurentis

“So what? It was just a no brainer for you to pick Ezra over us?”

If Alison Dilaurentis was a part of my life, I’d run her over with a truck the first chance I had. 

But Aria hasn’t done that - Despite all the shit that Alison has put Aria through, Aria was the most welcoming and embracing of Alison’s return. Aria’s the one who married Alison, and Aria’s the one who took her back to the sanitarium and promised over and over that everything would be okay. Even after finding out that Charlotte, Alison’s sister, was the reason they’d all gone through what they went through, even when they all should have cut ties with Alison and laughed in her face when she asked them to testify in Charlotte’s behalf, she and the girls didn’t. 

But Alison is also the prime reason why all of this is happening to those girls - so yes, Alison, it would be a no brainer for people to not pick you, you selfish, manipulative, conniving bitch. 

It just honestly made me laugh my ass off when Alison said that - because of all people, Alison would run them all over for her own self-interest. She’s always been like that, surviving like she lived in the jungle, surrounding herself with possible prey if the food ran out. If A.D. had approached any of the girls, I’m sure none of them would have hesitated. Given the current situation, if it’d been Hanna approached by A.D. to do this to save Caleb from some illegal hacking he’s probably done in his past, I can guarantee you that Hanna Marin would have done more that break a crib and plant a phone.  If it’d been Emily to protect Alison, I don’t think I have to say Emily would have sold her own kidney cause she’s already done something akin to that (not joking, that relationship is even more toxic than Ezria. It’s disgusting and everyone who ships Emison needs to do a reality check. It’s bad LGBT representation. It’s bad general romantic relationship representation. It’s sick and twisted and I just can’t.) And Spencer’s already at a fragile mental space, she’d have anything with proper pressure anyways.

If anyone else had said that to Aria I may have conceded, but it had to be Alison Fucking Dilaurentis, Queen of Selfish Bitch Land. 

That last thing I wanna say is that I am HEAVILY disappointed in Spencer, Hanna, and Emily. Mona’s probably one of the few characters with an actual clinical mental disorder diagnosis. Their past with her alone should be enough for them not to trust a word that comes out of her mouth. When Spencer asks for proof and Mona plays a damn recording I was SURPRISED that THAT’S all they needed to believe it was Aria. Aria should have been given the benefit of the doubt, and given a chance to explain. Instead, Mona turned them on Aria and I believe Mona’s done this to forcefully pull the girls apart. I think Mona’s the one who planted the phone in the Brew for Aria, and she’s been the one talking Aria that whole last episode, not A.D. A.D.’s work with Aria ended with the puzzle piece. This was all Mona. 

Mona’s the one who who provided evidence to the police to give Aria an alibi on the night of Charlotte’s murder. After all, we all know Mona is tech savvy, she can do anything. She wanted to drive Aria away and seclude her so that at some point, Aria would lead her to A.D. I think Mona too was blackmailed by A.D. But given her illness, she just couldn’t stand the idea of someone not only stealing the game from her but actually controlling her to do their bidding (Mona’s the body used to create avatAria.)

When the liars froze Aria out, they chose who was going to lose. That’s what the endgame of this whole episode was. To drive one girl apart enough for them to not even consider looping her in on this. And they succeeded, by freezing aria out, the girls chose Aria to be the one to take the blame. And even if Mona did send an alibi to the police, it can be easily refuted. 

What I’m trying to say is shame on them for trusting Mona Vanderwaal. 

This is been a ranting PSA. Please, feel free to send me all the hate and attacking anonymous messages your heart desires, because I’ll delete them all anyways :)